#Sad angst

[delusional-fantasising]

I Do Love You (Soldier Boy x GN reader)

Summary: Reader tells him 'I love you' and he gets overwhelmed and shuts off.

Warnings: Soldier Boy kinda being an asshole/biggot, angst no happy ending, trauma, sexual undertone at one moment, slight misogyny, self hatred and emotional shut off

Word Count: 1176 words

The night was young, Soldier Boy had agreed dating you during his time with your team, The Boys. But one thing was obvious, under his brave and dominant bravado he was scared of loving ever again. He didn’t want another betrayal, another heart break, it just wouldn’t let him sleep to the idea of ever loving again. He was terrified of the thought that you, the one person he had slowly began to trust without any benefits could love him.

Every woman’s words rang out in his ears whenever you smiled at him;

“They don’t and they never have. The woman are either humouring you or they’re scared of you. But none of them like you.”

“I didn’t love you, I hated you. We all did.”

Soldier Boy was sitting near you with an arms reach of you, sure there was a part that did somewhat loved you but another part of him was sabotaging himself, ‘They don’t love you. They are afraid of you.’

He wasn’t looking in your direction, he was watching a documentary with you about all the years he missed. It was hard for him to watch to learn everything that changed and forced to change so fast. He had slowly gotten used to the race change not that he had too big of an issue, sorta. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the gender roles, he found it absurd that men were no longer expected too much to have an income but more rather be expected to be emotionally available, talk things out when things get hard, respect boundaries, and empathy.

“Phht back in my day I never had to do that, women where at home and I would give them pleasure and necessities,” He scoffed as he listened to the feminist rallies that happened. You almost choked on your drink when he mentioned the whole pleasure thing, it was no joke and there was rumours from past lovers of his that his only green flag was that he was the one to go for pleasure.

“Soldier Boy, you can’t be saying that!” You laughed with very much flushed cheeks, he rolled his eyes at you telling him what to do. He wasn’t a big fan of being bossed around, he had to be in control not someone else. But then you say something that made him freeze, his hands gripping the couch arm till his knuckles went white.

“You are so lucky I love you enough to let that slide for now but you seriously got to get with the times. Women don’t want just pleasure, they want emotional connection.”

I love you…

Love.

Soldier Boy just looks away without responding to what you said initially, he was focusing on what his therapist says whenever he feels like he’s going to have a PTSD episode. (The boys forced him to go)

Breath in for four seconds

Hold it in for four seconds

Exhale for four seconds

Hold it in for four seconds

Repeat

Once he felt himself mostly calmed down he just gave a rude snarky response, his tone sarcastic, “Love. That’s a pretty big word, isn’t it? Especially for someone who barely knows me.”

“What? C’mon we have been dating for a month, you have told me some deep stuff. I just want to express some of my love for you,” You chuckled sounding confused at his sarcastic outburst but not taking it to heart since you knew that he sometimes does this to cope. You didn’t know you hit a trigger since the only one you knew about was nothing Russian around him especially the song ‘Escape’ as it triggered one of his worst episodes of exploding. Soldier Boy snapped at you and laughs with a mocking gesture as he waves his hand, “Oh so I opened up a few times and now you know me. This is crap and everyone now and days just throw that around with no meaning. I’m not some person who you can google and get all the real information about me, you don’t know anything about me besides what I want you to know.”

The bitter tone, the sharp cold glare as you could tell he was closing himself off emotionally off from you again. Trying to get distance to avoid a pain you never wish to bestow him.

“Benjamin, I want to know you then. I can’t do this if you just shut me out, I want you to feel safe around me. I really do love you,” You begin, bringing his real legal name to show how serious this conversation was. To show honesty to him and not some fake love that he has gotten in the past by a certain woman.

“Save it, I heard it all well too many times before, ‘I love you, Benjamin.’ Then follows is a knife to my back after you kick me down,” Soldier Boy spat the look of hurt in his eyes and his lip quivered slightly as he wasn’t ready for hearing someone say that to him ever again. “Benjamin I’m not Crimson Countess, I’m not going to hurt you like she did.”

“You can’t promise anything, no one can. Love is just a word, a filthy fucking lie people tell themselves to make them feel better. It doesn’t and will never mean anything to me!” He spat getting up from the couch to pace angrily not looking you in the eye anymore. His eyes getting watery at the thought of going back in the box.

The box

THAT FUCKING BOX

“That’s not true. Love means everything to me and Ben I mean it when I say I love you. Every little imperfection, even when you can being a raging asshole and slightly biggoted you have been changing for the better and I’m proud of you for it.”

Proud, he stopped in his tracks. His trembling hands at his sides turning into fists. He felt his walls of defense cracking at how much he wanted to believe your words but he just ended up muttering, “I used to believe that but love’s just a precursor to disappointment, it’s something to avoid the harsh reality of the real world… I don’t want to lead you on to disappointment”

He was avoiding being vulnerable but it was hard keeping everything bottled up. A tear was slowly building up threatening to spill, his muscles tensing up. Maybe a joke or another witty comment to brush off the stupid feelings. The feelings that made him weak.

“Ben, you won’t disappoint me.”

“Shut up. Just shut up,” Soldier Boy grumbled trying not to set off any alarms with you since he wasn’t facing you, he didn’t want you to see him cry, see him weak.

He isn’t in control

His feelings were going rampant.

You got up, sensing those tears practically going up to him softly cupping his face to make him face you. There was so much emotional turmoil brewing underneath the cold hard wall he placed up. He was scared.

Scared of you.

[kairukitsuneo]

⚠️Spoiler for Transformers: Rise of The Beasts⚠️

This is the alternative gayer comic version + post credit bonus. Please proceed with caution~♡

(Added freckles for Noah)

☆ Bonus ☆

Thank you for reading 💕💕

[ripmyselfxd]

Hold Me Until My Last Breath - (Theodore Nott)

Warnings- Death, swearing, sadness, smoking, mentions of Theo’s mom dying

A/N- Takes place during the battle of Hogwarts, you are Theo’s girlfriend

How did it happen? That’s what you told yourself as you rushed through the empty halls of Hogwarts. It was a freak accident, Draco never meant to cast the spell at the same time you got in front of him. “Avada kedavera!” Draco had said it so smoothly, the spell shot out of his wand in an instant, the same time you came around the corner and hit you instead of Voldemort. Everyone from your friend group was there to witness your death, Draco, Pansy, Mattheo, Tom, Blaise, Enzo, and Theo~your boyfriend. “NO!” Draco dropped to his knees when he saw you crumble to the ground. It went silent, for about 10 seconds. Then Pansy cried out and ran over to you. Theo followed her, pushing her away and grabbing your still face, “Cara mia, don’t do this.” Tears welled up in his eyes as he put your lifeless body in his lap. He buried his face in your hair, inhaling your scent. “What the fuck, Draco?!” Enzo yelled with tears falling from his cheek, “It wasn’t my fault! She got in front of-“ Blaise cut him off, grabbing his collar, “Don’t finish that sentence.” Pansy pulled the boys off of each other, “Now’s mot the time, boys!” She looked back at you and Theo. Theo was sobbing, “THEO! We have to go!” Death eaters surrounded them, Mattheo and Tom pulled Theo off of your body. “NO!” He screamed at them as they dragged Theo away. ———————————-

It has been a week since you died and your funeral was today. Everyone you loved gathered, some crying and some staring blankly at the priest as he talked about your life. Theo was in the back, your friend group was spread out in various different places but he was in the back. He was smoking a cigarette and crying, as he was the only one in the back. He was think about what he could have done to save you. How your lifeless body looked in his arms. After the funeral he was the first one out of the church, he was about to walk home when your mother called him over, “Theodore?” He took a deep breath, throwing his cigarette down and smashing it with his foot before turning around, “Yes, Mrs. (Y/L/N)?” She took steps towards Theo, reaching her hand out and holding his shoulder. “Theodore, I know this is very hard for you. And I know this isn’t the first person that has been close to you, lost. But you can’t just… be sad like this. I know this was her funeral but you need to move on with life, don’t sulk over this. She wouldn’t want that.” She smiles at him before turning and walking out with your father. He stood there with his fists clenched, and tears pouring out of his beautiful eyes.

Instead of walking home, Theo walked the opposite way of his house, towards the graveyard. He walked thinking about you, then his mother, how her eyes looked, and how she smiled. Once he arrived at the graveyard he walked over to your grave. It was snowing out, he was in a his clothes from the funeral and a coat. He was cold but he didn’t mind that much. He took in a sharp breath when he saw the words: (Y/N) (Y/L/N), died at the battle of Hogwarts. He kneeled beside your grave and put your favorite flower on your grave, he smiled while saying, “I will always love you. I should have held you until your last breath.” He got up and wiped his pants of the snow the was on his knees, going over to a different grave and pulling out a different flower, “Hi mom,” He spoke with his voice cracking, “(Y/N) died, I feel helpless without her. But that’s how I felt when you died. Mom, I don’t know what to do, “ He chuckled and wiped the tears that escaped his eyes, “I-she was my one love. I-I can’t live without her.” He smiled before placing his mother’s favorite flower on her grave, and walked away ‘I should have held both of them until their last breath’ he thought while drying his tears, and going back to his life without the two people he valued the most in life.

[purrple-bat]

Anyway, since I'm thinking about Narilamb / CotL in general, here's some Angst.

Oh the Lamb being so heartbroken when they learn their fate is to die a sacrifice for a God once more. They thought they mattered more than that to Narinder; that they could had lived this wonderful life by his side as he rightfully took his claims. But those were all fantasies they had deluded themselves with. After all, what was a Mortal compared to a God? Nothing.

Yet shouldn't they be happy? Their God will be freed of their chains. They will take their place once more and rule, hopefully, rightfully; fix the mistakes of the Bishops of Olds. Yet the Lamb is still bound in chains. Not the same ones as before, no. The chains of Fate wished for the last lamb to die to sacrifice. And so will be their end. The crown is whispering to fight back; to survive. Yet nothing can go against Fate. Trying to push back fate is what led the Bishops of Old to their doom afterall. And wouldn't it cause more problems? If they fought back, wouldn't their God still be in chains one way or the other? Is this really how they want to repay the one they have so carelessly fallen in love with?

And so they let themselves die for him, even tho they so desperately wished they would look their way like they used to those long nights where they would talk for hours without care in the world for anything else. It all hurts so much. The Lamb had gotten used to the pain, becoming numb to it, yet this felt so harsh on every inches of their body and through every single veins. They can't help the tears pouring out of their eyes - or perhaps it is blood - or the desperate little plee for their God to appease them. But they were just a tool to them, a simple sacrificial Lamb. The only respite they can get is being happy that at least one of them is free of their chains, even if it wasn't them.

(I do remember this art AU someone did where Narinder would get nightmares, most likely induced by the Crown, of what they have lost. Their most devoted faithful, died for their freedom, their last words begging his help, Yet he did nothing. And now he has lost the only person that ever cared for him more then just as a God. The only person which he didn't need be someone else with. The only person who didn't shy away from saying their piece and going against him in opinions. The only person who understood him... And it's all his fault.)

[slutt4ellie]

Sacred Hearts Entwined

PT2 Faithful Whispers

Ellie Williams x Reader

masterslist

Part 1 -> ✞

Part 3 -> ✞

What do you do when you’re falling hopelessly in love with your best friend.?

Summery: Ellie was supposed to be a friend, are the feelings that are corrupting you worth it? Why did you kiss her, why even risk it. Now you’re going to lose her.

Warnings -> A lot of Homophobia / arraigned marriage/ angst / Controlling parents / d slur is mentioned! / (lmk if I missed anything else!)

Tag list: @a-little-bit-of-everybody @bready101 @lenaloveslesbians

WC: 3.8k

(Not proofread)

(Ellie)

My mouth tastes like iron and everything is numb, it went from pure lust to rage and anger in a matter of seconds. I just keep thinking, “Could I have prevented it?”. Should I have pushed her back as soon as our lips met, tell her this is wrong, everything that my parents would have strongly preferred. Am I the one who fucked up in the end…? It’s not like it matters anyway, I can still hear the muffled yells coming from downstairs, he's arguing with my mom, she's against the boarding school idea, she believes I was corrupted or something, she fully believes they can fix me, no correction system needed. My dad on the other hand wants me gone, he can’t even bear to look me in my eyes. I’m like some foreign alien that just snuck inside our house and took its place as me, I know for a fact as of now he wishes he could just find the “Real me”.

(30 minutes previously) 

As I heard the door swing open I quickly pushed Ellie back, wiping my lips, my eyes now meeting with her father. Shit. I step back looking at him wondering if he even saw us. He quickly talks, his voice strained, filled with anger “What were you guys doing?” Ellie looks at me, her eyes already filled with tears, all I wanted to really do was just hug her, he quickly yells “I SAID WHAT WERE YOU GUYS DOING!” I just shake my head and spit out “Nothing!” My voice is filled with nervousness and it feels like I just embarrassed myself. “I should have known, you guys were always too close, having sleepovers and sleeping in the same bed!” Ellie just spits out wiping her own tears “There’s nothing going on dad! We’re friends!” Then his attention fully shifts to me, he steps closer to the point where I need to step back in order to not make any contact. It’s like something just shifts, like he figured the “truth”.

“All those sleepovers, were you guys-” I almost immediately shut down what he was about to say, my voice now more stable. “No!” And as I finish my sentence he grabs my collar which makes tears instantly form in my eyes. “You ruined her. Ellie wasn’t like this before you.” I hated that argument, we met at six, nothing was even there, none of those feelings were even formed until almost 9 years later. It was bullshit, and for some stupid reason I spit that out “Thats fucking bullshit!”. I covered my mouth right after finishing the sentence, I just dug my own grave and that realization was becoming apparent. His grip on my collar tighten and he gets uncomfortably close to my face “You’re a fucking dyke, and you had to drag Ellie into that.” I can see Ellie step forward, her head peeking over his shoulder, tears still streaming down her face as her eyes get puffy and red “Dad let her go! Please” I can’t help but feel like I ruined Ellies life, I was the one who leaned in and kissed her and now- now we're both going to be sent away.

Unlucky for me Ellie's dad doesn't even pay attention to anything she's saying all his attention is fully focused on me “You’ll never see her again.” The way he says it sticks to the back of mind, because I know it's true, the chances of me and Ellie ever even being friends again is most likely over. So now I start crying. It feels like I just lost everything in less than an hour. Ellie grabs him and attempts to pull him back, but as soon as she even lays a finger on her he turns around slapping her with no hesitation. 

Ellies nose starts bleeding and her cheek glows red, and once his attention isn't on me and his grip is loose I run over to Ellie as she cuffs her nose. I quickly rolled up my sleeve to wipe the blood from her nose. I talk stuttering over every word “fuck- are- Ellie are yo- are you okay?” I’m now starting to hyperventilate on the brink of a panic attack but Ellie just nods fast. Ellie’s dad immediately rushes over to us, and no not to help Ellie, he rushes over to grab me by the back of my shirt to pull me away from Ellie. “LEAVE” He yells at me, but this time I don’t budge, Ellie is still fucking bleeding and all his attention is still focused on me, he won’t even look at Ellie.

I push him back literally just trying to make sure Ellie is okay but before I even can, she spits out “Just leave..” her voice is quivering and cracking, I can tell she just doesn’t want me to get hurt. So I finally stepped back. I can tell just by the way she's looking at me this is goodbye, at least for a while..

(Present) 

I get home and just by the way my parents are watching me I can tell Ellie's parents called them, I assumed they would, at the end of the day as soon as we got caught kissing I knew everything was fucked. “You and Ellie, you’re fucking sneaking around dating” My dad says stepping closer to me, my energy just completely gone and I sigh tiredly not being able to take this outdated homophobic shit. “Me and Ellie are frie-” My mom talks fast, not even allowing me to finish my sentence “YOU WERE KISSING HER, YOU. SNUCK. OUT.” She yells at me standing beside my dad, I can’t even defend myself. What do I even say “We were hugging!” I can’t do anything in this situation. My dad talks again “Pack your bags, we’re leaving in the morning” as my dad finishes my sentence I start tearing up once again. “Where am I even going!?” I yell at them, my respect is now gone, there’s zero point if I'm being sent away. Instead of answering my dad holds out his hand, his palm laying flat. “Phone” I look at him “What?” he now yells “PHONE” I pull it out of my pocket throwing it in his hand before going up the stairs quickly before slamming the door shut. 

I open my closet finding the box with all the stuff I don't want my parents EVER finding, pods, weed, vapes, etc. The one thing that was genuinely the most important thing was my pink Ipod touch mini from when I was 8. I always had it in case I got grounded and wanted to talk to friends, the good thing was I knew Ellie had one too, a blue one she got to match me, so for that reason as soon as I unlock it, I disregard everything else and just start texting her.

You

4:17 - Ellie, are you good??

4:18 - Pls answer 

Ellie 

4:19 - Parents r arguing, i think i'm gonna go to a boarding school

You

4:19 - I’m being sent away

Ellie 

4:20 - What?! 

4:20 - Where??

You 

4:20 - idfk they won't even tell me

4:21 - im so fucking sorry

Ellie

4:21 - why are you even sorry??

You

4:22 - because i started the whole thing

4:22 - If i didn’t kiss u we would be fine rn

Ellie

4:23 - dont fucking talk like that

4:23 - if u didn’t kiss me then i would have been overthinking everything rn

You 

4:24 - well we’d still be able to hang out

Ellie

4:24 - well we can figure it out? 

You

4:26 - Ellie I don't even know where the boarding school is

4:26 - chances r no service, and i wont be able to bring my phone theyre definitely gonna search my suitcase 

Ellie

4:26 - then we’ll send fucking letters idfk

You

4:27 - send letters w no address? 

Ellie

4:27 - js stop??

4:27 - we’ll figure something out dude???

You

4:29 - Ellie..

Ellie

4:29 - stop

4:29 - dont fucking add “…”

4:29 were gna be fine?

You

4:30 - u know love you

Ellie 

4:30 - i know that 

4:30 - i dont wanna lose u

You

4:31 - It’ll be alright, we’ll meet each other again and it will be fine

4:32 - promise. 

Ellie

4:32 - I love you 

Once you see that final message the gravity of the situation becomes way more tense, the last time you saw Ellie she was bleeding from her nose crying . You start packing your bags wiping tears trying to silently cry, not wanting your parents to come in. You caused this whole situation, you knew you did. If you never called her that word, you would have never snuck out, you wouldn't have kissed her, her dad wouldn’t have caught you, and chances are everything would be “perfect” at least to a degree..all you could do is stare around your room now just realizing how half of your room was covered in her

And not pictures, just resonances are her, pictures she drew of you, stuffed animals she bought, clothes you stole that still have her scent on it, everything around you had Ellie in it, she made you who you are. And as you look around your room, your eyes land on that polaroid picture. The picture was of you two, the sunset in the back and you’re just both smiling shoulder to shoulder. 

(Summer, 15 years old) 

The wind was blowing on your skin as your hair flew all around the back of your neck, Ellie was in front of you riding on her bike “Come on we're gonna miss it'' She yells trying to usher you to bike faster “The sun won’t set that fast relax!” You groan trying to push faster. “I don’t care! We’re going to miss it so push fucking faster!” She pushes faster than you so you now have to try and match her pace. “Holy shit! Can you slow down” She shakes her head and just goes faster until you guys finally make it. It’s actually really beautiful, the sun setting reflecting off the water as the pink sky illuminates all their surroundings. “Shit..” You sigh fully out of breath and Ellie just smiles at you barely watching the sunset, then you finally turn to look at her “I did not bike all the way here for you to stare at me Ellie” Her whole face turns red and she looks away “I’m not even looking at you, I just think you look gross when you’re all sweaty” The words were

slightly harsh but you try to laugh it off “Ha ha, when did you become such a comedian!” Ellie looks back at you “Oh fuck off” You smile and walk closer to the water “Wait- what are you doing??” she says looking at you quickly running up beside you  “Well you said I look sweaty so i'm going to go into the water?” Ellie sorta nods at the response “Well we don’t have bathing suits” You smile at the response “Okay?” You say taking off your shirt leaving you in just a bra. Ellie quickly turns around not looking at you. “I-uh, people” Ellie says and you just shrug “No one comes here like ever, it’s backroads?” You take off your jeans throwing them on the sand and shortly after Ellie then does the same as you not turning around since it’s awkward. “Are you looking?” Ellie asks nervously unbuttoning her own jeans “Oh yeah, hardcore staring actually!” You joke not even batting an eye towards her.

Ellie walks into the water immediately saying “Holy shit! Dude its so fucking cold!!” You laugh and impulsively splash her, getting her whole face wet. “Fuck you!” Ellie laughs jumping forward in the water taking you down with her getting you and her both fully soaked “Stop!” You laugh trying to tackle her in the water when you grab her shoulders and you both just stop trying to fight, only focusing on each other. It’s filled with silence, not awkward silence though, just the sound of the waves splashing against the shore and the breathing coming from both of your mouths..neither of you even broken eye contact..

You move your hand on her face moving a loose strand of hair out of Ellie's eyes, her whole face turns red just by the touch of you plus the intense eye contact doesn’t help. Ellie slightly leans in, not enough for it to be deemed weird but enough so now your faces are closer. You basically naturally do the same, so now at this point you're just mere inches from each other's lips. The moment comes to a short end though when a loud honking comes from the street causing you to both flinch back. The honk leads you to talk to fill the now awkward silence “We should head back, suns basically down” You smile backing away from Ellie moving your hands off her shoulder, Ellie just nods not speaking. You didn’t know it but Ellie felt like a complete idiot that day, she just simply wished she leaned in closing the gap between your lips..

(Present) 

You just fully start crying all over the polaroid, the memories flood back and you start to wonder why you guys didn’t just kiss. Let alone act like it happened, even though you guys didn’t talk about that moment you both had a mutual understanding that it would be weird to talk about it again? There was no point. You were always so dumb with your feelings, that's why it took so unbelievably long to finally start to accept that maybe you don’t think of Ellie as just some friend. Your mind is rightfully scattered and you start to think things like “If we kissed then would everything be different right now?” “Would we be together?”. You quickly shut down those thoughts, it’s not what matters right now, you don’t have a time machine and you can’t go back, plus right now you’re way too focused on the fact you have to somehow keep in contact with Ellie you guys talked almost everyday and now there’s a chance that there might be a forever absence of her presence..what are you even supposed to do?

Pack up the 10 years of friendship. Find a guy to marry just to get your parents approval, it’s not fair that way. You can’t just lose her..So found your mind was wondering the whole night thinking

of ways you could be together until you ultimately fell asleep, praying to wake up in an alternate universe where Ellie is holding you, a world where it’s just you and her. 

You wake up feeling groggy and out of place, the sun shining on you through the sheer curtains hitting right on your left eyeball. You groan and sit up not even having a minute of peace before your mom comes into your room, not even knocking. “Get dressed, the taxi is going to be here in 20 minutes” You look at her, reality finally setting again. “Where am I going..?” You try again, looking at her when she finally answers “Boarding school in Europe.” Your heart immediately sinks..”Europe?” Your voice shakes, you make eye contact with her, you want your mom to see how this is hurting you, the tears settling in your eyes. “It’s furthest away from here, so yes.” She looks at you, not an ounce of pity in her voice, she doesn’t care what you think, and there's nothing you can say to change her mind. 

“All this because I kissed Ellie..?” It’s the first time you’re actually saying it out loud and you hate yourself because it feels so wrong, and it's not because you don’t like Ellie, or you completely regret kissing her, it’s because of the look your mom gave you after you finished the sentence. It’s a look that has disgust and utter disappointment lingering all throughout it. It made you feel like you're some monster, who just wished death upon her or something. She replied her voice is still filled with disappointment. “There’s something wrong with you, and these people will fix you sweetie, I promise.” She takes a step forward and rubs your cheek yet you don’t hesitate to push her hand off. “Nothing is wrong with me!” Your mom steps back and looks at you trying to talk to you softly but realistically it was just some condescending tone that tried to convince you that you were in the wrong “Hun, Ellie and you, you guys are both sick, and it’s okay, once you both get help you’re going to understand where all of us are coming from.” You feel like you’re going to explode “Sick” she’s acting like this is some cold that will blow over and a fucking week.

“Can you get out.” You say no longer making eye contact with her, you can't bear to at this point. “What?” She says almost confused, probably thinking “I didn’t even do anything wrong”. So you talk again this time standing up “Well I need to get changed, so can you get out” You say looking at her. She just nods while walking out. You quickly get dressed and grab your suitcase, it hurts to know you won’t see this room for at least a year. 

As you're walking downstairs your dad doesn't even look at you, he just holds open the door and grabs your suitcase, throwing it into the taxi. You look at both of your parents, your mom gives you a hug but you're pity so you obviously don’t hug back. Your dad will not even look at you, it’s like you’re a fucking disappointment in his eyes..

And as you get into your car and drive away, it can’t help but hurt leaving your childhood house, neighborhood, friends, but most importantly Ellie. All the memories would fade and be replaced with new ones. It all sucked, and what was worse was that you didn’t know it now but it would be 3 years till you went back. 

I was sixteen then and now I'm nineteen. As soon as I saw “Welcome to Westborough” it almost felt eerie, my smile just instantly faded . “You okay?” My fiancé chuckles holding my hand. I quickly nod “Yeah of course” I give a simple smile. James. It was all my parents' idea. When you were 17 your parents came up with the golden Idea to get married. It would get you not so focused on her. So that's when that's where he came in. It was my moms friend's son. You’ve met him a few times. He was always nice but marrying him?! Marrying him felt so out of place. You didn’t even know him..so you just kept on denying him and it came to the point where my parents ended up forcing you, they said if you didn’t they would cut all contact, they would start telling your family the real reason why you went to Europe and you would end up losing everyone. So you agreed and at 18 he proposed and you two have been living in Europe for the time being. You felt like you just couldn’t go back to Westborough, too much has happened. 

So when the ones who forced you out of Westborough wanted you to come back to have your wedding you were silently fuming. “Soo you’re going to show me your childhood home?” James asks, smiling lightly, kissing your neck. You just sorta smile “Guess so?” You say looking out the window as you guys pull up to your house with your parents already standing on the porch. You don't even want to get out, you know Ellie most definitely has her own life and it’s probably a low chance she still even lives here but everything about being back seems so scary. 

You get out of the taxi and James goes to get your guy’s luggage as you walk up hugging your mom. You look at your dad and sorta smile, your guy's relationship has never been the same since the situation. You still believe he thinks of you as a completely different person. James walks up and shakes his hand “Hey son!” Your dad smiles at James. You walk into the house and James follows you “Where’s your room?” He smiles looking at you “Just upstairs i'll show you” He follows you upstairs walking in as he puts down your suitcase.  

You look around yourself noticing they haven’t touched anything, it looks like your parents didn’t even go into your room once. James walks over to your desk noticing the polaroid flat on your desk, you turn over to look at him and he softly says “Who’s this?” You walk up to him looking at the polaroid of you and Ellie on the beach and you shrug. “Just an old friend” He looks at her “Were you two close?” You sorta hate yourself for what you're about to say “No not really, just friends for a few months.” You only say this simply because you don’t wanna say why you never told him about a friendship that lasted 10 years, it would be too much for him..and you.. 

It shortly faded into the night, James and your dad went out to bond or something? You don’t even really know they just said that they’re heading out for a little. You look at your watch rubbing your eyes while yawning  “10:47pm” you mumble under your breath standing up..As you walk outside of your room you hear the tv going off from the first floor so you quietly go downstairs to see your mom passed out on the couch.

It sucks because you feel like you should hate her. Your whole life has constantly been controlled by your parents, they sent you away at 16 because you were “sick”. You just try to remind yourself her parents probably made her like this, so you grab a blanket and put it on your mom. You sigh walking to the front door and start putting on your jacket, you just need to walk. So that's what you do for the next 10 minutes until you make it into town, stuff has stayed the exact same, which works out in your favor because you know where the closet bar is! You open the door and there's only like 5 people in now 6 including you..And as you look over at the front bar you notice the bartender isn’t even there, you sorta just groan but reluctantly walk over and sit down. You're just looking down at the bar table when you hear the kitchen door open and a girl says “Sorry to keep you wait-” You wonder why she stopped so you decide to look up.

The girl is no other than Ellie..

A/N -> ts took so long for actually no reason 😭

again there will probably be another part since it ends on a cliffhanger, just lmk if u wanna be in the tag list and i’ll add u!!

I will also probably be making another story, i have a rough draft for it right now but i don’t rlly no what to do with the plot, that story will again also most likely have more then one part!

[icycoldninja]

Hello!

I see your request box is open (if not, you can ignore this) so, can you make a story between Vergil and the reader where the reader is Vergil's lover and dies because of his mistakes. After many years, Vergil reunites with the reader who is now a demon made by Mundus (like Trish) and don't have any memory of their past self. whatever the ending is- I hope you to make it with a sad ending.

yeah- just that and thanks! have a nice day ;)

No, it's open, don't worry. Enjoy!

Lost you again (Vergil x Reader angst)

Vergil had been hellbent on obtaining power for as long as he could remember. The agony of losing all of his loved ones burned in his heart, fueling his desire to rise and conquer, to become the strongest of them all with the most abilities, the untouchable god who could never be defeated, all so he didn't have to bear the pain of losing someone close to him again.

Yet somehow, even with all of his strength and zeal, even with the demonic bloodline of the legendary Sparda, Vergil still failed, miserably. His lack of skill, his weakness, his foolishness, led to the love of his life being ripped away from him, right before his eyes.

While the details were fuzzy, as he'd lost consciousness not long after it happened, he remembered you running up to him in a dark, god-forsaken place. Was it Hell? It might have been Hell. He remembered how he was shocked to see you in a place like this, but grateful and a tad bit touched that you'd decided to come looking for him, however you managed to get here. Your dedication was unshakable; he loved you so much for that. Then the demons came, hordes of them, swarming, growling, clawing at the ground as they hurried towards you two. Both of you put up a good fight, sure, but the sheer amount of these creatures soon proved too much. Exhausted, Vergil felt his limbs become heavy, his vision shake and dim. He was tired, as much as he'd detested to admit it, and so were you.

The moment you let your guard down was the moment those horrible creatures struck, leaping into the air and piling on top of you until you were buried under their fleshy, writhing bodies. Vergil can still remember your screams as they tore your flesh from your bones; he can still see the ocean of blood that stained his boots every time he closes his eyes. It all lasted for just a second, then you were gone. The next thing he knew, he was hanging from chains, about to meet a fate worse than death at Mundus's hands.

Speaking of Mundus, it seemed Trish wasn't the only clone that thing had produced. Vergil never thought he would have the honor of seeing you again, yet here you were, finally reunited with him after who knows how many years. You were still so perfect, so beautiful, so sweet, so lovely. It was everything Vergil could do to keep from throwing himself at you and smothering you in a bone-crushing hug until you coughed and playfully begged for mercy.

"I found you," He mumbled, taking a few tentative steps towards you. "I found you...you have returned...I...never thought I would see you again."

Your warm smile slowly flattened into a line at these words; Vergil's world growing damp and dark, about to cave in around him. All it takes is one more push.

"I'm sorry...who are you?"

There it was. The push.

Vergil felt his heart start pumping an insane amount of blood, forcing it into his body like it had a mind of its own and thought he was going to die. Perhaps he was; the man had never felt more crushed. The universe seemed to hate him, he thought, as he stood before you with tears silently streaming down his face.

I must be cursed, He reasoned, as he watched you flash him an apologetic, sympathetic smile, not at all like anything he remembered. This wasn't his lover. This wasn't his baby. This was a cheap imitation who might look the same, but would never be the same. He would never know your laughter again; never be able to experience your assuring hugs and gentle kisses. This demonic copy would never be like you, even if they tried.

Despite his sadness, Vergil felt a small grin creep onto his face, out of irony, if nothing else.

It looked like he had indeed found you, but then he'd promptly lost you again.

[jubburb]

Satoru Gojoᡣ𐭩

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

As the days go by, you feel softer and frankly quite weaker. Once upon a time, you were a strong sorcerer. Almost as strong as Satoru but.. that was all in the past. You live quietly in the comfort of your own home, keeping a garden in the backyard.

This is what he wanted, a lovely life with you, tending with tiny plants, living in peace. Everything he wanted to experience.

You stood up from your rocking chair, joints aching from the force. You walked towards the sliding door, looking at the garden you've made.

"If only he could've seen this..I miss him"

As you lean against the door, a cold breeze came in, shuddering while you grabbed another blanket.

"This is the best I could've done Satoru, I hope you like it."

The days are getting colder, and so have you. But your love never faded away for the strongest, Satoru Gojo. The love of your life, who died much too early to your liking, left you an ache in your heart.

It's too much to bear, but you hope that someday you'll be able to let go of all of the guilt and live with Satoru in the afterlife. You can't really say you were his one and only, but it's safe to say that you were his partner in life. Forever soulmates, forever bonded.

-Jღ

[crybyemissamericanpie]

Old friend - Mike Schmidt x gn!reader (angst)

Old friend - Mike Schmidt x gn!reader (angst)

TW:Mention of suicide attempts,Mention of abuse,Bit of cursing

The office was thick with tension as Mike met their gaze, the lingering smell of coffee seemingly in line with the general ambience of the room.

While others may have assumed there was a deeper layer of resentment at work, the truth was that there was simple too much pride involved between the two of them to acknowledge any animosity.

Mike spoke up first, voice low and carrying a hint of tension in it, “I’m doing my job perfectly fine, I don’t understand why they brought you in."

They were no strangers to eachother and they had some history too,they knew each other way back in high school,they weren't in good condition now for sure

"You fell asleep on the job"They says looking at Mike with a calm face

“I was resting my eyes…” Mike murmured,annoyed “They look just the same as closed ones, anyway.”

He shifted in his seat, the chair letting off a slight creak. Mike hated this place with a passion, the night-shift being too quiet and lonely for comfort, so he had always taken to having a nap whenever possible. It was a wonder the boss hadn’t caught on by now…but suddenly an old ex-friend of his decides to show up,and get the job just to be with him“You and I have been through this song and dance before…”He said.silence fills the room

"We both fucked up okay?you don't have to always bring up the past"They say,frustrated.Looking down at Mike who is sitting infront of the desk with the cameras to the whole place

“What exactly have I ever done wrong?” Mike demanded, voice low - although more out of his general dislike of speaking.

The truth was, he and them had always been the same,both just as stubborn as each other and too proud to concede on anything.

“I’m not the one who left my responsibilities to chase a boy.” Mike muttered,looking away from their eye trying not to hold eye contact.

Mike and Their fathers really liked each other so they grew up together,but when both of their parents died, something clicked inside of them

They stays quiet for a moment,looking at Mike

"I was going through something too, you know what it was...And yeah I chased a boy! Yeah! I left my whole life behind me for a boy that just ruined me,cheated on me and abused me physically and mentally and I was left broken."They burst out

"I didn't get in contact with you cause I knew that I couldn't even take care of myself not even you and Abby,i didn't wanna give both of you another hard thing, to deal with also with me. When I accepted of what happened I tried helping cause I knew that I could finally help and not just be a distraction"They says,their eyes full of hope

Mike stayed stone-still as he listened to your sudden and lengthy explanation, mind racing with different thoughts and reactions. His own mothers hadn’t been fond of them either, although there weren’t any concrete reasons for their dislike they simply “had a feeling”.

He considered their words for a long moment.he understood their struggle, and understood why they did what they did. But they couldn’t run from your responsibilities when it came to family, and leaving Abby behind didn’t help any.

“You could’ve tried a bit harder.” Mike muttered eventually.

They sigh"mike.listen here, I tried to kill myself a lot in that time but do you know why I didn't do it?Because of you and Abby,cause I knew and thaught that if I'm in a better place of mind I could help and you would accept it"They confesses hardly and a bit harshly,their eyes darting into his trying to not shed a tear

“I understand that….” Mike mumbled, shifting his weight uncomfortably in his seat. He hadn’t known that they had dealt with anything close to that, but now he could see the toll it had taken on them.

Mike didn’t want to seem weak, despite his true thoughts and feelings on the situation, “It’s still not great that you just left us like that. What if I needed you?”

"I would have been a distraction,I couldn't help you or Abby if I didnt know how to help myself,I would have been just another ton of weight on your back for you to worry about"They say,trying to keep their breath steady

“And I wasn’t a distraction to you?” Mike demanded, voice louder than before out of spite.

He couldn’t help but feel hurt by some of their words - they were true, yes, and they had certainly done the right thing by staying away at that time, but it still sucked that they hadn’t kept in touch with him or Abby.

“You left me, and Abby, and we didn’t hear anything from you for years!” Mike pointed out.

"Bullshit,I sent birthday cards and holiday cards everyday with a small stupid qoute on it and my name!"They said fighting for justice ,for mike to realize that they arent that bad that mike think they are

“You think cards meant anything to me? You know Abby, she loved those cards, she used to read them over and over as if they were some kind of message of hope,” Mike said, voice softening.

“But for me? They only served as a reminder that my best friend had left.” Mike murmured.

"I was ashamed of who I was of what have I become,I moved country side,I had food delivery,I had a job that I didn't have to talk to people and stay in my house and just write, I would have never had a thought that maybe I could show up to your guys house"They whisper and admit,they were dreaned at the time,mentally and that made them sick

they wouldnt get out of bed,brush teeth,eat,work out,cook.

do anything.basically.

But Mike didnt know that even after they confess,he would never understand,he saw them just as a person who cut him and Abby out of their life without saying goodbye and now suddenly wants to come back or...

Mike thought about it for a moment, considering their words and what they had gone through.

He knew the feeling of shame, and the weight that accompanied it, and knew how hard it was to escape from that place.

Still, no matter the reason, they had left his only sister for years without a word although they had suffered, what right did they have to do that to not even Mike but Abby?

“Why did you come back?” Mike asked,raising an eyebrow as he looks up at them

"im-..."They sigh"im here to help you guys,i talked to Abbys teacher and im worried and finally i can help"They say

silence.

Mike furrows his eyebrows,a bit of guilt washes over him but he tries to ignore it

"you dont have to accept,if you want me to never talk to you or abby ever again and just keep sending cards,ill do it."They say as they look into his eyes

He sighs"We dont need your help.You can leave"Mike mutters under his breath

They nod and walk out of the office.

The guilt was still on Mikes heart but he didnt trust them now,he didnt want them to come back to their life and then leave like a building

Mike just sat there and thought was he right was he wrong?questions filled his head but his choice was final.he sees them leave throught the cameras,getting into their car ,then driving away...

[tyrannosaurusrexxi]

Ote'kan giving Alice a reminder she also has blood on her hands in a very yautja way (aka harshly)

[randomfanficsig]

“I was 15”

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: You were interrogating your unsub who raped and murdered 7 teenage girls, until it gets to personal for you and Reid has to physically pull you out the room. The team soon learns a lot about your past.

Tw: mentione of rape, sexual abuse from parent. Mentions of murder. Teenagers.

—— ——

“They were 15 years old!” You shouted at the criminal sat in-front of you, trying your absolute best to hold back tears.

He simply just stared at you with a sadistic smile. It wasn’t hard to figure out what he was thinking and that truly made you sick to your stomach.

“15.They were 15. And you degraded them and took away all their innocence and control” you began shouting again, tears streaming down your face.

Reid, Morgan and Hotchner all sat behind the glass, questioning looks on their faces. Why was this so personal to you?

Once again, the unsub stayed quiet, same nasty smile on his face. Now was the time to try and hit a nerve.

You walk round behind him. “Was it because you couldn’t get laid when you were younger or because you were so weird to the other kids? Or maybe it was the fact you could never get it up?”

His face dropped, anger taking over.

“Did I hit a nerve there? Did I hurt your itty bitty feelings?” You mimick with a teasy babyish tone.

He stares at you, the smile back on his face. “And if you were 15, I would do the exact same to you, listening to how you’d beg for me to stop, how tears would run down your face just like theirs did. God they felt so good” his laugh makes you feel sick, bringing bile to your throat. “Maybe I’d even slit your throat just like I did theirs” he finishes.

Anger quickly took over, causing you to smash his head directly into the metal table, and wave of satisfaction hitting you as you listen to his nose crack under the pressure.

“THEY WERE 15 YEARS OLD. 15! YOU TOOK THERE LIVES FROM THEM. THEY HAD DREAMS,ASPIRATIONS AND YOU CRUSHED THEM UNDER YOUR FEET LIKE A CIGARETTE. I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!” You screamed at him, tears uncontrollably streaming down your face.

You didn’t even notice Reid and Morgan come into the room, until a pair of skinny arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you out the room.

“THEY WERE 15! I WAS 15!” You cried to Spencer, bashing your fists into his chest. He quickly grabs your wrists stopping your outburst of anger .

Next thing you know, his arms are wrapped around you, one holding your head into his chest the other around your biceps, holding you in place while you broke down in his arms. He just holds you, comforting you.

Derek walks out the interrogation room, heading to Penelope.

————

“Hey baby cakes” Derek starts, walking into Penelope’s office. “I need you to do a favour for me”

“Of course hot thing, what is it?” She quickly replies, playing into Dereks flirty behaviour.

“I need you to look into y/n’s past for me”

Garcia quickly looks up at him. “What happened to not profiling or not digging into each others pasts”

“I know baby, but this is really important”

With hesitation, she turns to her computers, typing magic into the keyboard. Not long after, a gasp leaves her mouth.

“Y/n y/l/n, raped at 15 by her father. Sexually abused from the moment she hit puberty. Sent into the system after her father died of ‘unknown reasons’. Mother died during child birth, meaning she was never around.” Garcia repeats from the screen. “Not my y/n, I love that girl” she finished looking back at Derek.

He leaves the room as quickly as he came in, this time anger filling his veins.

“Hotch, i need a word” he demands, walking into Aaron’s office.

Aaron looks back at him knowingly. “I already know, Garcia just sent over the report”

They both walk out, heading over to west Spencer and you stand. Derek joining in on the hug, not long followed by Aaron, which is a surprise as he doesn’t hug.

Penelope soon joins. “We love you y/n you know that right?”

You look up at them all. “You know don’t you?” You question, tears staring up again.

Your questioned was answered by the sympathetic looks starring at you.

“It started after I got my first period; the touches, the groping, the walking in on me while i showered. It only got worse as I developed more. He constantly made me try on bras to ‘make sure they fit correctly’ while he watched. My own father” you began explaining. “And not long after my 15th birthday, his best-friend, someone i considered my uncle, took me out for a ‘late birthday day dinner’ but ended up raping me in his car in an empty parking lot.” You continued explaining. “When I was 17 my dad and his best-friend killed them selves, but it was ruled out as unknown circumstances” you finally finished, the tears much more heavier this time.

Everyone hugged you again.

“I love you all, I really do” you stated one last time.

They all simultaneously tightened the hug; and that’s when you knew you found the family you always wanted.

————

[sporadicsweetswitch]

Trying to find this really old fanfic, please help! Going crazy trying to find it!!. It was little (extremely) angsty and had a sad ending.

All I can remember from it is that it was an AU fanfic where Marinette visits a theme park while she is sick and Adrien is in charge of the rides and works there or is visiting at the same time. They become friends and I think she says "big life, small world" and dies at the end from cancer or something?

I cannot remember the ending fully or the name. Please help!!

[delusional-fantasising]

Hii Purple Cat! I have an idea for you (one you don’t have to write btw just offer your own thoughts and input) and it’s an angsty one!

So basically, I’ve had this HC that Noah’s father was extremely schizophrenic as well as abusive whenever he had episodes and was completely off medication, so episodes were often.

And with these episodes, Noah grew up with a terrifying fear of ever becoming like this father. Similar to Mirage, who I think, back in Cybertron — had a pretty abusive mentor who trained him and other autobots to be a spy. But Mirage was the “favorite”.

Now, hear me out. Imagine Noah’s family play a prank on him by locking him in the bathroom. Well not his family specifically, more like Kris. And yeah, Noah is playing along but he does have stuff to do and does get increasingly agitated the longer he’s in there.

And then, Kris goes “Fine, I’ll get you out of there” and calls Noah by their father’s name.

And it’s just silence and Noah’s like “…What did you just call me?” and his breathing gets heavier, he’s triggered and nothing stopped him from hitting his fist on the door and yelling “FUCK YOU.” to his 11 year old brother.

And it’s heartbreaking, because when Brenna heard that, a thought crossed her mind that her husband was back in the house and not in a good mood before she remembers he left. Because nobody’s heard someone screaming “fuck you” for a long time.

And of course, this scares Kris and he goes to get the key to let his brother out. They’re both stammering apologies but when Noah raises his hand, just to probably lean on the doorway or scratch the nape of his neck; Kris flinches.

Kris flinched at him.

And that made Noah feel so shitty.

And with Mirage, something similar happened. He was in a situation, clearly uncomfortable but wouldn’t say anything since the rest of the autobots were having fun and when he keeps asking to leave and gets stern about him, Optimus or Bumblebee try to make a joke.

Optimus by calling Mirage by his mentor’s name (he and the mentor knew each other) and Bumblebee by even mimicking the mentor’s voice.

And hearing that, literally just hearing a phrase and it’s poorly mimicked and doesn’t even sound like the mentor but it doesn’t stop Mirage from yelling something very similar to “fuck you” in cybertronian, at the same time the “mentor” does too.

And it’s crazy because ever since being on Earth, Mirage seemed to already know the language and hasn’t spoken any Cybertronian ever since the autobots have known him.

So yeah, take these two scenarios as you will :p

Holy smokes i thought I answered this a long ass time ago i am so sorry but once I finish up a few things I will write this because I can picture this really well. I truly think that the ship Miroah was built off of being parallels of each other though

[kairukitsuneo]

Fireworks PTSD (Part 1)

Sometimes fireworks trigger some flashback and it was never good.

[ripmyselfxd]

Never Forget - (Joao Felix)

Pairing- Joao Felix x fem!reader

Summary- Joao is in a game when his coach pulls him aside, telling him the worst news he had ever heard

Warnings- ANGST!! Sad, very sad. Nothing happy

”Here is halftime, the teams will be back soon.” The announcers announced, Joao stormed off of the field, very pissed off because he has missed 2 shots already. He was also mad because he and you had a fight earlier, and you left. As he comes off of the field his assistant coach runs up to him, ‘Now what?!’ He thinks. “Joao!” He yells, waving his arms. “What?!” Joao says as he sits down drinking water, his coach has wide eyes as he says, “You have a call.” Joao is confused, why would he have a call at 9:47 in the night and more importantly, why would someone call him at his game? He snatches the phone from his coaches hand, “Hello?” He tries to keep his cool because he doesn’t know who he is talking to. “Hello? Is this Joao… Felix?” He doesn’t recognize the voice, it is a female voice. “Yes this is him, what do you need?” He grips the phone harder, trying his best not to snap. “Do you have any connection with (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” He immediately calms down, then becomes worried, “Yes, she is my girlfriend, why?” The lady takes a deep breath, “This is the hospital,” His heart drops to his feet, she continues, “Your girlfriend got into a car accident and is in bad shape.-“ He doesn’t need anymore information, he hangs up the phone hading it back to his coach. His face filled with guilt, and sadness. He asks his coach “Can I go-“ He interrupts Joao, “Yes, go now.” Joao rushes out of the stadium, quickly getting in his car and driving to the hospital. Once he checks in with the lady at the front desk, she tells him you are in room 326, on the 2nd level. He rushes to the elevator, not sparing his fans even a glance. He goes up, it feels like hours for him to reach the 2nd level but eventually he does, jogging to room 326. He runs into the room and sees your still figure, along with your parents (and siblings) crying. He walks over to you, “Hey, it’s me. I- God, I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t want you to leave, this is all my fault. If you didn’t leave then this would’ve never happened.” He starts crying. Suddenly, your heart monitor goes silent. Your whole family freaks out in sobs and cries as the doctor pushes them out of the room. He stands there, red wide eyes, sweaty soccer/football uniform, and messed up hair. The doctor pushed him out of the room, shutting the door. He stands there, helpless and alone, hoping-praying they save you. About half an hour later, the doctor comes out. Joao stands and rushes over to him, “Well, how is she?” He croaks out, voice hoarse. The doctor gives him a sad, guilty look, Joan’s heart shatters to pieces. “No, no, no. No, your joking with me, right?” Joao looks at him with pleading eyes, the doctor shakes his head, putting a hand on Joao’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry, son.” And with that, the doctor walks off. Joao slides down on a wall, putting his head in his knees. “No.” He whispers while crying- sobbing even. “No.” He says a bit louder. He sobs, thinking back to all of your memories together, how you two meet- it was summer and you where in Portugal for a business trip. You meet at the beach, talking to each other for hours. His mind jumps to your first kiss- you two had just finished your first date, him driving you home. Once you got home he opened the car door for you, letting you out. ‘Thanks’ ‘Anytime, meu amor’ You faced him and then slowly leaned in. Lips meeting in a soft kiss. His mind was racing, jumping from memory to memory, your scent, voice, clothes- everything. He was trying to remember everything about you, capturing you in his mind. One memory stuck out to him, when he lost a big match- the Euro 2024 to be exact. You were at home with him, cuddling, after the loss. You were comforting him, holding him tight and whispering how he did so good, “Never forget, I will always love you. No matter what. And until the day I die.”

A/N- AHHH!! I almost cried like three times while writing this. 😢 Who else, cause I know I’m not the only one.

[cityzenchick]

That moment when ....... following an earlier row between you and Ruben, he had stormed out out of his flat, upset that you had been so short-fused with him as he was about to leave for a match ...... after half an hour of sobbing tears of pure frustration, you knew it was actually you that had over reacted, so, feeling guilty, you hastily rushed to your car and drove as fast as you could to the Etihad ........ you literally ran into the building to try and speak to him before the match .... and when you eventually spotted him following Kalvin down the corridor, you called out his name to get his attention ...... he turned abruptly, his eyes meeting yours, and he gave you a stern icy glare before turning away and continuing to follow the rest of the squad ...... that look left you feeling broken ....... and you knew he wasn't ready to forgive you .......

.... until much later when you were just leaving your best friend's house (you had gone there straight from the Etihad needing hugs and reassurance from your bestie) ........ outside you were met with your impossibly handsome boyfriend sitting in his car, his head tilted as he wound the window down, looking at you with apologetic puppy dog eyes that let you know that he too was sorry and everything was going to be okay ........

[kachawo]

Once upon a time there was Wei Ying.

A being who was born craving love. But at the same time, he was cursed to be the most undesirable person in the whole world.

But as a being who starved for affection, he tried, tried so hard.

See, there are people that do love him. But the person those people see isn't exactly him.

For every person he meets, they see a wholly different form of him. He changes into most desirable person in their eyes.

If Wei Ying asks them-- how do I look like to you? Without fail, every single one of them will answer differently.

You have dark skin. A mole under your eye. Your eyes are green. You're pale and have red hair.

And Wei Ying takes it in, he accepts it as it is. Because he cannot be picky when it comes to the people who love him, he just can't.

But sometimes at moonless nights he cries silently, agonizes the fact that no one will truly love him as he is.

He's stuck being seen as someone he will never truly be.

It's an aching wound that he locks up deep in his heart, one that he shouts into the abyss and foolishly expects something to echo back.

To be as pathetic as a love-starved man who no one loves.

But then, Lan Wangji comes into his life.

This man-- Wei Ying has fallen hopelessly in love with him. It doesn't better the damage that breaks his heart open.

Lan Zhan is sweet, so unbearably loving and caring. Someone that Wei Ying can say 'This is him. This is the man I want to spend my life with.'

He's the warmth that Wei Ying has craved for all his life.

That's why he's afraid.

He knows what will come when he asks the question. He knows how he'll feel when the truth is said.

And he doesn't want to know.

Even though he's asked it before, even if he has accepted it many times. This time around, it feels like he'd crumble and fall like a ceramic pot.

So he doesn't ask.

Months become years, the ugly worry grows in him like a parasite devouring him from the insides, and he can't stand to suppress any longer.

He asks Lan Wangji-- How do I look like to you?

"Beautiful." Is the first thing that comes out his mouth. It warms his heart thoroughly.

"No I mean, literally. What do I look like to you?" That's when Lan Zhan's brow lifts a bit.

"To me?" He asks, but no answer comes forward.

Lan Wangji cups his cheeks with his hands, thumb smoothing over his features.

"You have bright silver eyes."

Wei Ying inhales.

"Black hair." To which the man smothers his face in.

"Olive tanned skin, with freckles adorning your face." He presses a kiss to his nose.

"A mole under your lip." He kisses the mole.

Finally, he looks at Wei Ying with softness in his eyes. One that melts the man into utter oblivion.

"And a beautiful smile, that lights up my life."

Oh. Oh. He's crying. He's crying so much---

The sobs escape his lips and suddenly he's bawling hard.

This man is ridiculous. Wei Ying loves him so much-

When you're cursed there's always a way to cure it.

Even when you're vexed to be the most unloved at your truest form-- there are always expections.

A certain bug in the game that the creators can never fix. That's something he finds hinself laughing at.

But oh,

It feels so freeing.

To love, and be loved.

Oh, this man will be the life of him.