#STOP THINKING ABT ALL THE THINGS THAT SCARE ME !!! FOR FUCKS SAKE !!!!!!!!!

[maythray]

im gonna tear my brain apart if it wont shut up. stop stop stoppp it like for reaaaalll stopppp

[thatdeadaquarius]

Okay so-- i was reading some sagau posts and came across this one where the reader was an army vet and my brain just Did Its Thing--

So now I'm here to inflict this on to you--

Would guns be considered as catalysts. And would they only do Phys Damage.

Me reading this ask:

😶 😐 🤨 🧐 🧐 😰 🥲 😭😭😭 💀

STOP YOU'VE INFLICTED ME WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL DMG FROM THIS ASK 😭

(Also srry took so long to respond, when i didnt realize how short this was/was just sitting over here 😓)

^ For the sake of gun imagery being a lot/maybe staff might hate me for it,

we'll put this gay shit instead (i almost mispelled to "gay shot" lmao)

☆

Sun: Army Veteran Reader, Gender neutral Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: SHORT Headcanons

Stars: everybody bc i think itd be funny

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: gun stuff, mild violence, mild cursing & Trigger Warnings: Gun fun everywhere

THIS ASK HAS ME GIGGLING TO MYSELF LIKE A MANIAC

You're out here having a whole gun they let you take for off-base

And u ofc have a license so u can conceal carry

(idk how non-american gun laws work, but tbh ours are so fucked idk how they work here either, just that an army guy i knew once could have his gun when he got back home)

And ofc ur just paranoid enough (more like it just makes u feel safe)

That when u get yoinked into a portal to a silly little brightly colored gacha game fantasy world, the gun comes with 💀

Id like to add in my silly little "ur in a video game, so video game rules" AU version of genshin so:

The only other gun (ish) wielder (Mika) has unlimited bolts

Sooo I'd think your gun would be the same jfc lol

NO BC YOUD SCARE THE ACTUAL SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE IN UR VICINITY IN A BATTLE

BC GUNSHOTS ARE A DIFFERENT TYPE OF LOUD

When u first stumble into abyss monsters/hostile creatures of the realm, u nearly scare off a Lawlachurl bc every shot's like thunder to these bitches😭

So not only the monsters but the vision holders think u fucking summoned lightning

OMG THE BULLETS ARE SO FAST THEYD PROBABLY NOT SEE IT

ESP BC DISTRACTED BY GUNSHOT LOUDNESS

SO U AIM THIS LITTLE BLACK CROSSBOW (???) AND THINGS JUST DIE (OR GET RIDDLED WITH HOLES) WITH NO CLEAR ARROW STICKING OUT

STOPP- you're becoming a witchy god or smth to all of Teyvat bc it just looks like hella high level magic atp to them LMAOOO

Rumors of you get out of hand and say u just point or snap ur fingers and things get wounded/just die on the spot 💀

Oh another difference between Teyvatians seeing ur gun vs. crossbow (what they know)

Is that guns are wayyyy more destructive

Like an arrow would get shot but it'd bounce off of things like rock or wood or metal, maybe dent a little depending on how close

But a bullet goes thru that shit so easy, and leaves a whole little explosion behind, once again depending on range

(I once saw a Mythbusters episode? of them proving bullets would definitely go thru car doors, like movies lied to u, this is why drive-bys acc work like for gangs)

Lmao, the image of you in like full armor with a Teyvat made automatic gun after showing it to blacksmiths

Makes u just more convincing as a god, esp bc military training

(Ppl like Gorou and Kokomi begging for military tactics/training ur world has done)

...

....Ok.

I'll address it.

But only so u dont think im stupid later.

Yes, the Fatui have guns.

No, this not the same as having a glock LMAO

End of story.

(Also, urs runs on bullets, whereas the Fatui rely on magic/delusions to power theirs, plus they dont seem as fast or destructive as urs, more "explosions aimed at you" than real bullets)

Which,,, u leave the managing of ppl copying ur gun to ppl like the Qixing or smth, but make sure to give them advice on good gun laws if teyvat accidentally revolutionizes bc of ur advanced gun that anybody can wield (non-vision users)

Thats the best ive got abt that

Oh, also enjoy being praised as a War god now.

:)

☆

... dammit i had smth i was gonna tell u guys-

Uh what tf was it, it was important

OH

Next post is the Eldritch God Oneshot! Look out for it :) !!

☆

Safe Travels Kid,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

[hotchs-big-hands]

oh my god okay so i think aaron would be suuuuper insecure undressing in front of you for the first time because of his scars. because him and haley already divorced when foyet attacked him so no one had actually seen his body until you started dating. but luckily for him youd been the one to ask to take things somewhat slowly for both of your sakes as well as jack. you know divorce is hard and even harder on the children involved. and you didnt want to have to make jack adjust to yet another change in his life. and he was so grateful for that.

but as the weeks passed he found himself becoming more and more attached to you and as a result, more insecure and scared of what youll think or say when you finally see him properly. you know about his job and how dangerous it is but youve never seen for yourself the extent of it. youve had sex a few times already, but it was always either dark or hed had you bent over. but now hes laying in his bed, with you straddling his hips, making out and when youre hands reach for the hem of his shirt he freezes for a moment.

and you notice immediately so youre pulling away looking concerned "are you okay? do your want to stop?" and he really doesnt want to stop but he's embarrassed to let you see him now that hes softer around the edges and his stomach sicks out more than it did before and god all of his scars. he shakes his head but still looks shifty. so you sit back a little bit and ask him what wrong and hes soooo embarrassed and kinda just mumbles he doesnt want you to see and youre confused because?? "you dont want me to see you? but? youre so pretty?" and hes so shocked cause hes never been called pretty before?

and when you reach for his shirt agains this time youre gentle and slow. and as you lift his shirt you start kissing every inch of his skin and when you help him pull it off and hes bare under you he looks uncomfortable and his grip on your thighs is tight. but then you place an individual kiss onto each one of his scars and he lets out a shaky breath and starts to relax. n when you pull back a bit youre smiling at him and go "see? very pretty. maybe the prettiest ive ever seen." and aaron has never blushed harder in his life and wraps his arms around you and pulls you down flush against his chest pressing a searing kiss to your lips. and when he rests his forehead against yours he sighs contently. he might not yet fully believe hes as beautiful as you think but now that hes taken that first step his chest feels lighter than it has in a long time. and hes only got you to thank for it 💜💜💜💜

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HOL ON WAIT HOL ON JUST A SECOND HHHHHHHH THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL

My heart fucking breaks thinking abt him being insecure abt his scarring but it makes sense :(((( the surface of his stomach and chest now has so many dips and raised tissue on it now from all that happened to him so he feels kinda gross. So when you show him little by little over time how much you adore him, love his scars and wanna help him feel more comfortable in his skin he'll be emotional as hell 😭😭😭😭

[faunabel]

agh sorry rant abt my family again

i am sosososo tired of my parents being overprotective. i can't even step outside for two seconds without them projecting all their nonsense. what makes you think it's even remotely appropriate to into detail about how i'll be kidnapped and murdered and raped. if i tell you to stop, you fucking stop. your paranoia should not be my problem. "protecting me" is a bullshit excuse. you didn't even protect me from yourselves so why do you think i'm foolish enough to feel safe in your presence or believe anything you have to say? not to mention how the hell is going into detail about how i'll be hurt protecting me?

all you do is stress me out while simultaneously make me ignore the hell out of you because you're exhausting. no if i step outside nobody is going to punch me in the face. what the fuck makes you think that's okay to say to your child? then screaming at them for rightfully getting annoyed by the constant fear mongering? you even pulled this when we had a house. in a safe, completely quiet neighborhood. like someone was waiting around the corner to get me at all times.

it really pisses me off!!!!!! can i not have any sense of autonomy!!!!! i am not a child and i am not incompetent and you are not protecting me by putting that shit in my brain!!!! if i tell you time and time again i don't like it then fucking stop!!!!!

agh. i'm so mad. i'm so tired of being disrespected. stop scaring me by going into gruesome detail for zero fucking reason. stop disrespecting my discomfort and requests for you to stop. stop treating me like a dumb, helpless child by telling me obvious shit. or needless shit entirely unprompted. oh my goddd. stop justifying your bullshit. i do not care. in fact if i want to get murdered that's my prerogative!!! if i want to put myself in danger i have the right!!!!!!! but i'm not putting myself in danger i'm stepping two fucking feet out the door for fresh air! AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ironically i love when people are protective over me but this isn't protective this is just absolute controlling nonsense. they make me feel unsafe existing in the world for no good reason. and i'm not naive for fucks sake i'm so tired of people treating me like that. I Know Things. just because i choose to focus on the good doesn't mean i'm not aware of the bad. i can take care of myself. i'm especially not naive for not believing every person around me is secretly plotting to rape me. like what the fuck. get a grip and piss off. i will not live my life miserable and paranoid just to please you.

[jgracie]

BACKK TO REQUEST A “to all the boys i’ve loved before” !! 🫶(THANK U FOR TAKING UR TIME TO READ THIS OMG IM SO SO SORRY ITS SO LONG.) i would like a male pjo character plss 😓

ok first of all SORRY IF THIS IS RLLY BAD idk how to properly put it into words how i am so im trying yall (even tho its a lot omg..)

so for looks, i LOVE to dye my hair so much its actually a problem (i fried off my hair two years ago because i dyed i went from red hair to PLATINUM BLONDE in two days😭😭 my mistake) BUT ANYWAY. i wear glasses, and I currently have black hair up to my shoulders but i dont wear them often because they dont unfortunately match my outfits and then also bc i forget😓. ALSO here is an idea of what i actually wear !! its always smth comfy bc i move around A LOT so always very comfy unless im like, going to a party (which i love going to sm) i’ll usually wear smth more showy and tight bc i js love to 😚😚 but the pics r what i usually wear on a daily basis

i’m a hufflepuff and my type of thingy is ENFP-T. i’m also a MAJOR pushover i literally need to fix that asap, and i LOVEEE to love maybe thats also a problem too but i can def be a smartass or like crazy sarcastic when i wanna but like only if the person can handle it bc im not trynna make ppl be upset bc i know im also crazy sensitive so i get it frfr😭 SPEAKING OFF SMTH ELSE THO i’m a MAJOR yapper (I’M SO SOSRRY THIS IS SO LONG ALSO?? WTF) and i have trouble speaking about how I AM but not about me in general bc i can yap abt my childhood forever😭 im also def NOT smart like STREET SMART?? YUPP but book smart? i’ll probably die if u asked me to write a whole essay on a book BC I ALSO JS CANNOT FOCUSS i literally cant at all. MY INTERESTS(not rlly i dont hsve a lot to work w here) i love playing guitar, snacking on stuff almost 24/7, cooking/baking, and to watch ppl do stuff but not in a creepy way trustt😭 its js interesting sometimes. I ALSO LOVEE TO SWIM THO AND SURF (havent done it in years but its ok). for my love languages its ALMOST all bc i only have trouble with receiving gifts cause its SO weird to me BUT I LOVEE TO GIVE GIFTS, PHYSICAL AFFECTION, ACTS OF SERVICE (i hate when ppl do it for me its so uncomfy sometimes depending on what it is ALSO i have straight up trauma from it so im like?? I RATHER NOT??😭 ((it sounds so weird ik lets not question it folks))) i also LOVEE quality time sm and def words of affirmation!! its only bc i have so much to give and do bc i have so much time on my hands but its soo weird depending on what it is when its with me (given). i can speak multiple languages!! my first language is spanish and english and a bit of french (i fcuking hate it) i’m also not a dog person!! i’m rlly scared of dogs, heights, the dark, small spaces, and the literal ocean😭 (i went to go see whales one time and got scared i was gonna fall off the boat and a shark would eat me, trauma yall😭). ALSO i get RLLLLYYYY irritated easy its my worst quality istg. i’m also crazy brave and loud when i get especially rlly comfy w people!! but i also love to tease and be just as chill but also impulsive?? idk how to explain it. ALSO i dont have a specific aesthetic bc it changed SOO CONSISTENTLY I HATE IT SM lile girl js stick w fav color. I ALSO FUCKING LOVE TO TRAVEL AND TAKE PHOTOSS i’m constantly on the road and taking pics its my fav thing ever!’ i’m a coffee person but it makes me lightheaded and make me feelblike what i’m sure steroids are like on people but i js cant drink tea, i like lemonade more if anything. OKOK I THINK THATS IT?? IMA STOP IT HERE FOR UR SAKE LMAO. IM SO SORRY THIS IS HELLA LONG I GOT OFF TRACK SO MANY TIMES..

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE — JASON GRACE + OPPOSITES ATTRACT ˚⟡˖ ࣪

HELP this is incredibly long but its ok girl i loved reading every second of it anya lore fr 🙏🏼 anyway as i was reading i couldn't help but notice the differences between you and mr grace...

youre an extrovert, he's an introvert. you're a yapper, people consider themselves lucky if they get a sentence out of him, youre impulsive, his fatal flaw is literally the fact that he overthinks every option he has 😭

i think this causes a bit of tension between the two of you at first but at some point you have a little moment together and realise you can learn a lot from each other!!! you also realise you have some things in common such as your love for travel 😊

LOVES the way you're so effortlessly beautiful wearing the comfiest clothes.... also does not care how much skin you show because he can fight but also hes a good man and knows he has no right policing your style 🫡

you pull him out of his comfort zone with your parties and impulsiveness and he helps you get over your fear of dogs and heights <3

also will support you through every aesthetic change!!! he thinks they all suit you so well because ur perfect but will tell you which ones he liked more if you ask

[gayshitinfinite]

16, 20, 23, 25 🌷

xxx

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

one of the smartest, coolest people i know (like go through their blog SERIOUSLY). she's really funny and well-versed in her memes ( i have no idea how u possess the talent to think/find those things and edit so quickly. like how????? the talont, the skills, i could never).

finder of cursed emojis and maker of the cutest crocheted (crocheyed?) baymax plushie, i bow down to you. i admire your strength to keep going no matter how long it takes. thank you for every time you've listened to my problems and for sharing (and for "bringing me" ramen soup (i hope they make a kanji one soon.... or not. the ramen one is really good too), you are a good friend<3333

16.what do you want most in the world right now?

self control?(......that sounds so bad dude). to be more conscious of whats happening instead of just letting things happen (u ever wanna get out of your body and shake yourself by the shoulders and scream 'bitch u have agency, u can make decisions, u can make actions. u r not some character doomed by the narrative or something'). motivation. i'd really like some motivation abt now. god i just wanna do something. anything really. just start something, or pick up something i left off, or idk finish things.

i really want to scream 'stop leaving shit and stop being scared of trying or doing something all the time. GOD' at myself

do something. yeah i really wanna do something ( she sounds like she cud be talking abt drugs. she is not. she's talking abt painting a mushroom (the fungus), 2 girls kissing,funny pictures of cats. binding a book, making funny/cute earrings (or just fucking completing her eng h.w for god's sake)

i'd really like to do things again. i miss it so badly u have no idea. i no longer want to pretend to be cool and mysterious and like, its hard to make me smile or amuse me. i wanna feel joy like that again. i wanna love passionately. i just want to learn and create something. i want to practice a skill and see it's effects bear fruits, uk. im so tired of laying around watching time pass me by and feeling regretful and disappointed and so so guilty for no reason. like can u do something different for MY sake plsss. im so tired and i dont wanna rest. im so tired of resting. i'd really like to stop being paralyzed and overwhelmed by the things i want to do. and instead just start something. or complete one thing i left off. just pick it up again. one thing. one thing for now.

so.. yeah, get my shit together and do something. thats what i wud like to do

23.favorite piece of clothing?

a frilly (kind of) white shirt with little bit lace on it that makes me feel like a pirate. a blue jacket (actually a hand-me-down-shirt), a handme down tshirt.

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.?

honestly, i really love hugs. getting hugs or holding hands with people i love and care abt. but i guess that's not a 'personal gift'.

i really love notes or like letters. like write me something stupid and I would probably keep it forever.

i love being send memes, or articles or quotes or poetry(esp. if it like breaks something in me and puts me back together or something for a sec). ig i like getting written stuff. huh thats something i havent noticed abt myself.

i also like getting music recs or cute jimkis(jhumkis) or hanging earrings.

thankyou sumi for the ask<33333( calling you sumi without chechi added feels weird. should i call u chechi?)

[afaramir]

LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.

So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH

BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,

Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.

I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3

hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)

you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)

im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.

just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.

denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.

did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?

i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!

faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.

YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.

you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33

[navxry]

Update

Hello everyone, I'm back from my week long break! As of writing this, I feel better from it (at least with binging other shit while I couldn't use Tumblr or Discord), but I did come to a realization while I was away.

(utc, rambling abt Genshin as a whole and my feelings + current status)

I realized that I don't enjoy Genshin as much as I used to.

I think it's been eating at me for a while, because for the past few months, I never felt happy with it anymore. It wasn't as prevalent, I think, it was almost like a nagging thought which I brush off with talking to others involved in Genshin.

That was just how it was. A nagging thought. A thought I knew I can ignore.

But then life hit me with a massive curveball, and I started to feel like shit.

I enjoyed other fandoms when I left it for months- I used to hate Twisted Wonderland, actually. I got burned out and didn't want to touch the game anymore, so I took a 2+ months long break and came back and enjoyed it more than I ever could have.

The same went to IDV. I dropped it during Frederick's season, and came back 2 - 3 seasons later (months) and I am back in that rabbit hole again.

Those games kept me company for a while in my week long break. And because of it, that made me realize that I felt the same as I did to them on Genshin.

And it also made me realize that I just stuck around with Genshin for others; for my friends' sake because they're involved in it and I didn't want to ruin it for them.

My mutuals all love different games but some are into Genshin, and I don't want to drop it because I'd feel bad. It feels less of me liking the game and more "I only stuck around because my friends do" type of thing.

Honestly, it felt like shit. I don't enjoy the game as much as I used to, but back then, I felt like it was affecting me personally and on a negative scale. Not even doing the things I loved helped in making me feel less negative.

I did my best in making others happy, but by doing so, I neglected making myself happy. It affected how I look at things, and although I knew that, I didn't try to rectify it or stop it because I am too much of a doormat to do so.

Even roleplaying Genshin with my friends didn't help, because I felt like I'm entertaining them than myself. Despite taking a rain check on roleplaying to regain interest... It didn't work, and I felt more and more like I'm just there for the convenience of others.

I thought me saying that I'm there as an enabler for people is a joke, but now? It felt less of a joke. And it isn't anyone's fault but my own, because I'm well aware now that I am too scared to put up boundaries.

I was on a really bad headspace back then, and I didn't felt happy at all. It felt miserable and I just needed a break, but much like a clingy ex in a relationship that felt like Titanic, I couldn't break out of it.

So, after much long deliberation and thinking... I took a week long break.

It was a bit difficult because time felt slow when I did the first few days, but I was fine playing other games and doing other things. I even went out a few times just... Walking while listening to music. (Zombies Run is a good app ngl, but fuck the membership.)

And slowly, I found myself feeling better and happier- without thinking of Genshin and especially for my mutuals that would be angry if I left.

As of right now, though, the irrational shit left... Well, some of it, anyway. I still feel like it, but now its not as bad. It's much more manageable, which is great. But sometimes, it gets to me- though, it doesn't bother me anymore now that I had a week of a breather.

In that regard, I'd like to make one thing clear:

I will be on an indefinite hiatus on Genshin Impact as a whole.

This means I will no longer do content for the fandom or other shit with mutuals, too.

This also means that as of right now, I will not be roleplaying Genshin for the time being- selfships or not.

Maybe once in a blue moon I will, but I found myself feeling like I don't enjoy the game as much as others do, or even the memories I made before my break being as pleasant. Is it selfish? Maybe, maybe it is.

But for the sake of my own health, I'd like to make it clear and I don't want to beat around the bush about this anymore.

I also want to make this clear that this also affects my mutuals, too.

If we're roleplaying Genshin, those threads will be on hiatus, and I will not open any new ones.

Personally, I don't know if I'll ever get back to the game. I found myself happier with other franchises, and I think that's the one thing I feel sad. At the cost of me dipping from certain things, I come back and feel much more happier with them when I come back.

But I suppose its for the best.

If its for my sake and my happiness, I will be disassociating myself from the fandom.

Will I still support content creators on this fandom? Yes. I'm actually planning to open up an RB blog that's just me rb-ing people's content on Genshin: both SFW and NSFW.

But will I be involved in it with or without my mutuals? No. As of right now, at least.

Lastly, I want to make this clear: this isn't made to target anyone in specific. I want to make this announcement as a blanket rule of sorts for everyone, even me.

Maybe I will come back sooner or maybe later. God knows when I will, but I find myself happier with other games. Other games that don't feel like a trainwreck to deal with, yknow?

Thanks for reading, lads. And as a last reminder from me:

I will not be associating myself with Genshin Impact and will be on a break. This means any sort of content creation WILL be put on hold, and I will also stop roleplaying Genshin Impact or any AUs associated with it.

[mangoisms]

Im just soso obsessed with figuring out tim as a character rn i cant stop thinking abt it (ive always been a jason todd girlie but i read ur fic and that angsty twink latched onto me and refuses to let go)

I think u have a pretty good hold of him, especially bc in present comics writers are so intent on elevating tim in spite of other characters (barbara and her hacking skills for example, or any comparison made btw him and any robin, really) that most portrayals of him are so boring it makes me cry, while you on the other hand took the approach to write about his flaws (which are MANY) while still making him charming and handsome (he is so... !!!!)

To me flaws are also tied to not only the good traits of characters but also their core beliefs and ideals so what can you say abt tim?

I know he can be stupidly arrogant and patronizing at times, that he's always idolized the position and legacy of robin and constantly fights his insecurities with this role and his abilities for the job, that he can also be incredibly selfish or outright mean when it comes to being mindful of other people's feelings for the sake of logic (re when he didnt tell tam abt his dad not being actually dead), but at the same time i cant figure out exactly what he wants to do with his role as robin (or red robin) or why he would want to keep going when his main goals first were just making sure bruce wouldnt go down a dark path, im pretty sure he mentioned not being a vigilante forever but his actual goals remain unclear to me

(Im in the midst of reading his solo robin run but ive read red robin so give me a little room for this, you are definitely free to talk abt more of his comics bc i havent read everything yet and everything im saying should be taken with a grain of salt, video essays and the issues ive read can only get me so far)

He could have gained an inherent desire to help people after all his time as robin and the so fucked up shit that happened to him, maybe as a ways to channel his grief (much like dick and jason and bruce, im thinking abt identity crisis here) after he isnt "needed" as robin anymore, but at the same time that would be so tragic because he was supposed to be different to them, he was supposed to remark the importance of robin's role in helping be "batman's light" and not becoming like batman himself, its just so interesting and im still trying to really understand the extent of his character so id just. Love to get ur thoughts and musings on what fuels tim as a character and how you see him

(I dont have this problem with jason bc his moral conflict is very crystal clear to me and also so freaking juicy, his actions are logical and so understable, granted he also hasnt had as much screentime as tim and i can see when writers just Dont Get Him, misunderstanding the original intent of his character coming back etc etc etc, tim has grown and evolved throughout his tim as robin so this might factor in too)

Anyways sorry for the long post i hope this is alright !!! Loved ur fic to bits and ur writing is a blessing mwah

okay HI i am not exaggerating when i say that i have been thinking about this ask since you sent it HAHA tim is just a parasite in my brain he won't let go...

that's the funny thing about portrayals of him today... i feel like people want to elevate him as a potential batman or a character closest to bruce in terms of intelligence and detective skills, which isn't true at all, i think (because, exactly, you have babs Right There), and of course, narratively, this is all a good thing (this post covers it well, i think). it's in the same vein of people making tim out as the most dangerous person in the batfam, should he ever chose to go down the path, which i can partially blame red robin (2009) for with this panel....

(and i don't think that's true either. he has the potential to be dangerous just like any of the others but i think the ones to really be scared of are babs, dick, and cass but ANYWAY)

in general, red robin 2009 was a bumpy time for tim with bruce's death and his spiraling, but it seemed to really inform what they were going to do with his character. no more time for the civilian life, committing himself much more thoroughly to The Mission like bruce. which is, if you ask me, a negative progression of his character, which isn't bad, exactly, in terms of storytelling, but it feels like all we get are the 'good parts' now -- the intelligence, the status, the resources, and then we don't get to grapple with the consequences.

there were some in red robin 2009 but it was more tim accepting them and making no move to change his actions, which is fine, but now... idk. but i also don't touch modern comics with a ten foot pole so this could just be. Wrong. but that seems like what's going on. so i feel like that's where people get the idea of him being... idk not the Perfect Robin exactly but. you know?

no no yeah i totally agree!

re (because i want to break this down i'm telling you i have Been Thinking About This): at the same time i cant figure out exactly what he wants to do with his role as robin (or red robin) or why he would want to keep going when his main goals first were just making sure bruce wouldnt go down a dark path, im pretty sure he mentioned not being a vigilante forever but his actual goals remain unclear to me

exactly this. he did say that and i've reblogged this at some point i think, showing a panel from robin 1993 where he mentioned he wouldn't be a vigilante forever, then paralleled with that panel i put in earlier from red robin 2009. (there's this post, which touches on another thing about tim trying to set himself apart as having friends and thus not being bruce LOL which is another topic entirely)

i think that was what red robin 2009 was - a negative progression of his character, one that, again, we never really grapple with, especially as dc shoves robin back onto him now.

his motivations are an interesting thing to me, because he did start out coincidentally, saying batman needed a robin but he didn't assume he'd be that robin, it just kind of happened because he was there (well much more went into it but you know?).

but aside from that, i've never gotten the impression tim really does it for people. i mean batman in general has been about the detective work but i think towards the 80s/90s/00s there was a shift to focusing on the people but tim has never really struck me as a hero of the people. he's more about fighting crime than he is about helping people. i think it is partially informed by the genre - re detective comics, etc - but still. he's not like, say, peter parker/spider-man, who is a hero of the people, of the working class. the people are inherent to him as spider-man. tim does it out of duty and responsibility i think, being the light to batman's dark, of course, but he's also very much a teenage boy about being robin - the cool factor, pointedly mentioning he wants to let off steam by knocking around 'criminals' that kind of thing

which doesn't mean he's unfit for it but he operates in an odd grey area as far as his motivation goes, which i think is where we get red robin? he was defined by being robin and he did his job, then he got the boot. so it is very much an identity crisis but we're seeing that negative change as he changes for the worse, for something darker. i mean, yes, red robin 2009 was again bumpy because he was at a very low point in his life but in general, that run was dark for him.

editorial wise, we'd never get to see what they made of it because they did the reboot and started new-52 a few years after. but whether he'd continue being red robin/going down this path, or if he'd shed the identity and go for something lighter... it's hard to say.

i kind of like the thought that he'd change his identity and try to take a lighter approach, try to pull himself from bruce's influence, though with how it's all set it up, it seems fated that he'd end up there. there was red robin 2009, but then there was his sixteenth birthday incident (which sounds bad here and i'd read this before reading it myself but god when i read it it pissed me off so bad... really what turned me off bruce as a 'good' father figure, i can't lie). he ultimately ends up going back and becoming robin and this is the turning point for him where he agrees to enter this mindset that bruce wants him to be in. (this post talks mainly about timsteph but it is also a point to the end about the shift in his character and how that affected his relationships as well)

i mean i know red robin 2009 is marked by the grief of bruce's 'death' and a bunch of other Very Bad Shit but even when we got past that and he had his little 'Let me let in the people who love me because i am Not batman' he then proceeded to go a little surveillance crazy and make a hit list (something like that, it's been a while..) but. yeah.

ultimately, at the core of his character, i think he is good and compassionate and kind, so, even aside from all that (like the birthday incident), i think he would've made his way there eventually. it could maybe be why we see him returning to robin, if we wanted to try and pretend dc making him be robin is a completely normal and logical decision that they actually thought through. like a way to return to the bases and feel it out from there. though i still think they could've just. idk. given him a BREAK from vigilantism to figure it out. i'm a big proponent of civilians and their place amongst vigilantes and superheroes and i feel like tim's due a break, which is why i put that stuff in my fics. i do want to see him step back and try to figure out his life, because at one point, though robin 1993 was arguably defined by the balance between robin and tim drake and had plenty of civilian friends to keep things interesting, we don't see much as far as what he wants to do. which i suppose could be part of his relatability factor that tim drake, the character, was conceived with

but idk at this point they have to give us something 😭 anyway. this got VERY long i am very sorry.. i don't mind long asks either but i might've overshot my response... alas. i also hope i more or less answered your question??? if not feel free to slide back in here and talk to me! i rambled a bit here and it's like. 3am rn i'm scheduling this to post because i wanted to get it all written Now and. yeah.

thank you SO much very happy to hear you're enjoying everything <333 hope you continue to enjoy :**

[cubedmango]

live slug reaction (aka naina watches the cm movie after midnight and provides long and dumb and unnecessary commentary) (there be spoilers inside. tread w caution and all that jazz)

THE BOOOKK i wonder if we'll get to see the pages eventually.

also remembered my au i based off it...... i gotta dig it up

the recap aka watch how hard can i cry abt krdcs story despite having it seen it like 50 times already

adachi cringefail compilation in reverse so true

HELP ME WHYARE THEY SITTING LIKE THATSHHDHD. they are just sitting . five feet apart cause theyre not gay

ROKKAKU. I LOVE YOU BUT WHY ..... who was he trying to call anyway .....

their fucking faces i cant do thsidjbfjsjd those shifty ass side glances im losing it theyre so NERVOUS IM YELLING

ADACHI MY BELOVED AUGH HE DIDNT EAT ...... and them both laughing AUGHHH theyre my everythingggGGGG

HAHAHAHAHAHA HE REALLY WAS JEALOUS OF THE CHICKEN NOODLES i thought ppl were kidding but no . oh my god

ALSO.! KUROSAWAS ROOM IN DETAIL FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! taking notes for No reasons

obsessed w how adachi so Obviously checks to see if their feet are touching and kurosawa, Aware of the powers, just does not see it

theyre so cute fucking hell.....

OHHH GIMME GIMME TIME LETS GOOOO

oh the camping trip ough. . .. would pay to be the fish just to watch this sappy ass shit irl

theyre both so dumb theyre literally made for each other i swear

Kurosawa. What Is Wrong With You. Stop Thinking Things Ur Scaring The Little Man

unrelated but omg the shots are sooo pretty i love the waterfall one....

NOT THE 'LOOKING AT THE PERSON WHILE SAYING "ITS BEAUTIFUL"' TROPE NOOOOO IM WEAK

hh.. h h n . h . . hands.. Hands

THEYRE SO CUTE (counter: 2)

OFFICE GANG IS BACKKK i missed them...... ms fujisaki my queen most of all

WHAT IS W THAT GAY ASS STARE ACROSS THE OFFICE U GUYS HELLO

ADACHIS ROOM !!!!!! sorry i like it a lot seeing it again is like seeing an old friend.......

"for us to be together forever" WHAT IF I THREW MYSELF OFF MY BED !!!!!!!!!!!!

"i wished for our happy days to last forever" AND WHAT IF I PARACHUTE JUMPED OFF A PLANE!!!!!!!!!!

also dear god knowing what happens next as they say this is . it Is.

ah . its them. tsugemina.... ha ha one part of the show i didnt rlly miss

my 'kurosawa actually cares a lot abt rokkaku when hes not busy being jealous of him' agenda REAL and CANON

THE BESTIES ok i did miss adachi and tsuges bestie-isms . they are so funny

MINATO? THEY WERE TALKING ABT DRINKS MY DUDE .......

the og soundtrack in the bg ......... Yeah

ADACHI LOOKING AT KUROSAWA LIKE THAT GUYS I CANT DO THIS I CANNOTTTT

THEYRE SO CUTE FUCK OFF (counter: 3)

comedic genius w that cut from adachi hoping for them to be together all to finding out abt the transfer

rokkaku... i am looking at him .....

ADACHI BEING GOOD AT HIS JOB SOOOO TRUE

noooo noooooooo noooOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE FLASHBACKS NOOOOOOOOOO MY POOR HEART

seeing all the times kurosawa sacrificed what he wants for adachis sake ....... girlie who allowed this im so

Ah. Kurosawas Face..... Bros I Cant Do This....

THE BRIDGE !!!!!!!!!! THE™ BRIDGE™!!!!!!!!!!!!

KUROSAWA STOP FAKING STOP IT IM SHAKING YOU STOP ITTTT

SONS OF BITCHES FUCKING HELL THIS ANGST AAAAJAJJHDHBD. .JDJJE. DYING

KUROSAWAAAAAAAA

ep 1 parallel..... eats it up. definitely giffing this later Yeah

OUGH THE DISTANCE THE SLIDING SHOT THING (???? IDK I DONT KNOW FILM THINGS) THE DISCONNECT BETWEEN THEIR WORDS AND EXPRESSION OUGH OUGHHHH

A. AAA .A A.A..A. THIS IS JUST BEGINNING OF EP12 AGAIN WHY

hey that reminds me of the evil fic idea i was gonna write after watching the movie :)

Also. just noticed i have been talking in caps too much. sorry but 1) its late my brain isnt working 2) i gotta yell man

NEW FRIENDS who is He ........ who are all of they i need to know for fic purposes

THE PEN FUCK OFF NOOOOO . HE LOOKS SO SAD I . . .... . .. .. .HUGS HIM

adachi my talented brilliant genius amazing son . thats it thats the point

adachi my son hey hello. i understand jps toxic work culture but please. dont do that

so many pretty shots of kurosawa but he looks so sad in them..... this is his burden

adachi, alone, walking past couples/ppl in pairs..... poetic cinema

O NAGASAKI APARTMENT i am Perceiving 👁️👄👁️

kurosawa running to get his phone...... someone fly this man to kyushu Right Now

ough kurosawa pov. . always promising w angst as always

HE WAS LYING........ MY GUYS U GOTTA COMMUNICATE

THE BGM IS SOO GOOD BTW HITS SO HARD i think this is a leitmotif but brains too wack rn to recognise which piece its from

FUCK. THE PEN FUCK EVERYTHING AAAAAA WHY DO THEY DO THIS S

Looking. At the Apartment. Tidbits and Things and Blue Theme (very good and perhaps meant to match kurosawas place) but also adachi why is it . like this

47k yen flight bro............ call me unromantic bc i would not unless Absolutely Necessary

aha. foreshadowing.

oh my god okay its happening . gif

adachi jesus okay no stop stoppp go sit down please im begging you

Ah.

yuta 'jumping to grave conclusions' rokkaku strikes again . in his defense he probably didnt know anything but man

AGH. G GHH J N .. J N J JJ KDJDJD . GOOD GOD

A. . OOF . OKAY i fucking forgot abt that dream oh goodness . adachi i am psychoanalysing ur brain now

not remembering phone numbers he just like me fr

WAIT SHIT FUCJ OH . OH

SAYING THIS AGAIN. THE FUCKING RELIEF ON HIS FAAACEEEEEE IM UNWELLLLL

they hugged there btw im declaring this canon rn

fucking Finalllyyyy they Talk

"i nearly lost it" imagining his perspective and. H. . . ... hsj.. kj. ikk.w..d..

"i thought id never see you again" Who ...... why ................ to hurt me ...????? personally??????????

smashing a rock over my head during adachis lines

JESUS. CHRIST. KUROSAWA .......

OH MY GOD OKAY ITS HAPPENING . GIF (REMIX)

HANDS. PASSING AWAY NOW THANK YOU.

guys . what the fuck (<- rendered speechless)

parallel 2 !!!!!!! lets go!!!!

AH I SEE NOW. THE CARESSING. WOW......

ok a complaint here. honestly there wasnt enough use of the magic to even feel like it was missing tbh ? like it got mentioned and plot device-d but we barely heard any actual thoughts so the lack of it felt exaggerated imo

ITS THE SCENE ITS THE EDJDJJ JJHDJE BACK HUG WAUGH

aaaaand we're back to the THEYRE SO CUTE'S (counter: 4)

unrelated but how did the carpet not stain

PULLING MY HAIR OUT. THEIR PROMISE. SCREAMING

omg the besties <3 ignoring the tsugemina tho lol

HEEEEEEE omg he looks adorable..... also wow damn that was a fast time skip for 8 whole months lmao

THE FRIENDSHIPS. ACTUALLY LOVE THEM SO MUCH....

ROKKAKU I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU HES SOOO SWEET

the student becomes the teacher.....

haha . foreshadowing :D

THEY ARE. SO FUCKING CUTE (counter: 5? i think? slowly losing count)

also complaint 2 a bit suddenly but arent the subs a bit off...... not that i know any jp but i feel like they arent exactly right at times

THE ICONIC PYJAMAS RETURN also omg kurosawa avoiding the topic ohhh i wanna squish his cheeks so bad

THE SWEET LIFE DAYDREAM OUTFITS RETURN....... also the fucking choir playing every time kurosawa goes into his. . Adachi Mode. so good

PICTURES TIMEEEE PARALLEL 3

kurosawa meets the in-law (food truck guy)

OH THE MAIL SCENE AAAWWWWWWWW STOPPPPPPPPPP

guys i cannot. the matching everything. chores list . fucks sake. this is a scene from a fic i swear

my 'kurosawa is Not a morning person' agenda. real and canon

kurosawa scrunkly of all fucking time like there is not a more scrunkly chara ive seen in my life i love him so much oh my god

hey have i mentioned how cute they are yet . no? ok here it is. They Are So Cute (counter: 6 or something)

KUROSAWA CARES ROKKAKU IM TELLING YOUUUUU

oh what does that say on urabes laptop

(unrelated. had to pause here bc i felt a tiny earthquake and that scared the fuck out of me oof,, anyways back to the brain rot)

rokkaku and fujisaku u both are So real

ah them again.... looking at the besties Only

Hehehehehehe Adachi Got Plans

closing my eyes sorry i dont care abt these two at all ,,......

oh my god tsuge cursed...... king shit

ADACHI UR BRAINNN MASSIVE HUGE MY GENIUS SON..... HES PLANNING FAR AHEAD ALREADY SOBBSS

"i want to have a life with you forever and for always" this. .this. the. Head in my Hands. how am i supposed to cope with this . Hello

AAGHHGGH HUG !!!!!!!!!!

i heard the legends of the resume. i did not know it was this intricate. kurosawa my guy what the fuck

taking notes tho. hm yes birthday same as manga kurosawa..... hmmmm yes mari Is his sisters name...... hmmm past jobs (?). hope someone translates the whole thing

boy abt to pitch himself as adachis boyfriend like a stationary product. u know what? unique. points for creativity

WAIT THE REASON FOR APPLY HELP ME DNDJEJDJD THIS MAN someone please please translate this oh my god

KUROSAWA LORE!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god mari got lore too yesssss good for her

why did they reduce kazuyas number of kids.... was it an actor casting thing

OH ADACHI FAMILY !!!!!! LOOKING INTENSELY

kurosawa.......... hes so determined....

AWWWWW IM SO HAPPY FOR THEMMM best family i care them 🥺🥺🥺🥺

"welcome to our family" SOBBING SO LOUD

omg the shogi scene....... that indirect asian family brand of acceptance....... love to see it

YEAHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHH THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE !!!!!!! (refusing to think abt the next part)

chuckles. uh oh.

HEY ITS THAT SCENE . i didnt know it happened here oh

mont blanc again hehe

kurosawa did we not learn. did we not learn from the nagasaki part. my man

PARK!!! PARK™!!!!!! PARK PARK ITS THE OUUHHHHGHHGFFD [passes out]

somehow every speech adachi has given this movie has felt like a goddam punch to the stomach . Pain

losing count of the parallels there are so many Sooo Many

THE BGMMMMMMM ITS THAT ONE SONG

WAIT SURPRISE HUG OH THAT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. FUCK THEYRE SO CUTE (counter: i dont know anymore)

preparing my hands to be thrown later

the contrast of their houses is soo interesting me like adachis parents house being small and traditional vs kurosawas parents house being bigger and modern

and smth smth yet adachis family being more accepting of them despite that ....... Looking

saw ppl being like 'why did they bring irl problems into silly gay show' and yes i understand but also 1) this happened in the manga 2) i feel like this is kind of necessary ? not just from a realism perspective but for the storytelling??? like the point is to show adachis growth using hurdles and to show how he gets over them so without a serious scene like this i dont think his chara development would hit as hard

YEAH LIKE THAT. JUST LIKE THAT. HOW BEING W KUROSAWA MADE HIM BRAVER TO TAKE ON CHALLENGES

oh. he said it. well guys it was a good run for my online presence im going to go lock myself in my bathroom for the rest of my life now adios

OK GOOD THEY BROUGHT UP HIS SELF IMAGE AND PERFECTIONISM ISSUES . ITS IMPORTANT TO ME

"but then i met adachi. he accepted me as i am" bro i cannot. ep 7 abt to kill me next time i watch it on god

THEY DONT REGRET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL HER

adachis chara dev actually my fav thing on my planet for reallllll its insane how far hes come its incredible to see. and honestly for all that i relate to him it really makes me feel hopeful tbh...

HES CHANGED!!!!!!!!!! just repeating lines atp bc i have nothing to add but i must emphasize. Very Important

LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO mama kurosawa i hope u get over ur fears entirely and then u and adachi can bond for the rest of time

"i believe your lives are yours to live" Yeah. Yeahhhhh yeah

OH MY GOODDD OKAY ITS HAPPENING . GIF (THE THIRD) (GONE RIGHT)

the growth from magic-dependent adachi in ep11....... Cries

this scene i saw already and yet. yet. . . Oh............... Wow.........

Hands.

The Bgm. normal about this . very

HANDS.

WHY WOULD THEY MUTE IT EVIL FUCKERS LET HIM SAY I LOVE YOU I NEED TO HEAR IT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH

HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TEARS IN MY EYES KUROSAWA TAKING THE FALL THSISI ISSO .. ..... GUYS

THEYRE SO HAPPY I CANT I LOVE THEMMM

intro parallel .....................

DORKS. WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE (counter: ???? still not enough times)

OH FUCK OH JESUS OH MU GDIIDJDJD

YES IVE SEEN THIS ALREADY. SEVERAL TIMES. YES IM STILL LOSING IT IMMENSELY . THANKS FOR ASKING!

complaint 3: why is adachis fucking wedding suit not fitting him right. huh

AGH. AGH. AAUAUSHHSJJJVJJKKE [taking emotional damage] HHRAAAHHAGGGFGHH

THE MUSICCCCC THE MUSIIIICCCCCCC THIS ISNT ALLLOWWEDDDDD

. BESTIES IM . ... ... ... OH MY GOD.................. I DONT HAVE WORDS ANYMORE. THATS IT.. ......

THE BOOK NO STOPPPPP DONT DO THIS TO ME IM SO WEAK

(i want that drawing by the way. as a painting. framed on my wall. for art purpose)

where is this location btw i would like to know of anyone has an idea

HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SWINGING HANDS

well. ... .. .. im super normal after this. i swear (biggest lie told)

SHINOOONNNNNNNNN YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

if u guys havent read the lyrics to it yet please. please. they are insane.

its 3 am. no thoughts brain kurodachi. this was so worth the 7 months wait. i am filled with serotonin

i did not say anything coherent or deep at all but maybe ill make a discussion post later if i can get my thoughts in order

but first. when i get my hands on that hd rip i am going to make So many gifs u guys are gonna be sick of me i promise

anyways yeah um . .. ....... krdc will continue to be my personality for the rest of the year please look forward to it <3

ALSO . IF OTHER PPL HAVE ANY THOUGHTS THEY WANNA SHARE W ME PLS FEEL FREE id love to discuss (and/or scream in all AAAAAAs) the movie too :D

ok im going to sleep now good night

[saintobio]

When you said that the angst would lean more on the yearning side, I think I get what you mean now 😭 still over here hoping for GojoYn endgame 😔

Thank you for the lovely work Saint! And please get sleep 🥺

Anonymous said

love, the pain is - I just want to cry rn while working and I just I thought I could handle it, I'm used to your level of angst after all haha but wow that hurt me so much bc sn/sy yngojo endgame :'( and it hurts seeing him w someone else as it hurts seeing yn w toji :'( I just feel like I need the whole day to recuperate lol but no seriously another great and amazingly written chapter !! thank you for it, saint!! I hope you're well <3

Anonymous said

I literally felt sick to my stomach after reading the whole gojo / hime thing. i genuinely had hope that we‘ll get gojoxyn again and they’ll be happy together but I just can’t see how it would work out anymore :’( im scared for yn

Anonymous said

nah the way it takes yn years and moving to another continent to only partially get over gojo and move on, but gojo takes a night and sleeps with her best friend??? and keeps it going??? i wouldn’t say it’s a betrayal but that still hurts 😭😭 also if gojo defends utahime when yn goes off on her (as long as what she says is valid)……gojo ur already on thin ice don’t make it even worse

Anonymous said

yall gojoyn supporters are strong. he has a sidepiece in every story. if i was yn, i would have totally blocked him off my mind the moment i learned abt him and utahime because that would be my peak. just walk away and pretend they dont exist except for when sachi's involved, but he said it himself that they should only cross paths when necessary.

Anonymous said

Saint you are so spot on with this "I love u" bullsh*t from Gojou, and then begging for her to take him back. reminds me so much of my ex lmao i used to believe it, but i learned. so when Gojou said that, I was scoffing to myself lol then he fucked Utahime so i guess i was right. men are so trash. goodluck to Utahime he's ur problem now

Anonymous said

Saint, I’d be honest after you shared that story of yours, where you always put your friends first or you, giving up a man for the sake of friendship had me thinking Utahime is going to be inspired with it 😭 I’m really disappointed, I’m rooting for her to be that kind of friend. Turns out she’s weak for dicks just kidding lmao It’s my fault for setting that expectation to her. I just hope it will be worth it at the end and she’ll not gonna end up with a broken heart and regret for jumping into a relationship with a broken man. I also can’t blame Gojo for jumping to another coochie cause let’s be honest, when we’re broken or sad we tend to decide with our emotions, the what ifs, the hope to fill the void and patch those broken pieces and a good source of distraction I guess?

Anonymous said

ermahgod everyone pls stop asking for smut btw 😃 y'all never really learn ur lesson: the more u ask saint to write something, the more pain u gonna get when she really deliver and it's totally not something you expect. if i have to read a detailed smut of gojohime making love in the future while gojo professes his love for utahime, im blaming all of you anons for asking for more smut 👺i also do not want to read another goodbye-heart-wrenching smut for gojoyn. or tojiyn's. in the words of yn: stop. stop. STOP!!!!

Anonymous said

We all know that Gojou is not in his right state of mind so he's gonna drop Utahime bc he's not ready for commitments at all lmfao 😐

Anonymous said

u know what. GOOD FOR GOJO lmaoooo im at this point where im like “they just need to be happy even if theyre not together”. maybe im just such a gojo fucker that seeing him trying to move on is so nice like i love seeing him speak normally and not crying and apologizing i swear its so refreshing LMAOAOA. maybe im also saying this bc i know his heart wasnt totally in it w/ utahime. while i dont mind them together i also dont mind if gojo and yn end up being endgame because sachi deserves that too. im at a point where really i think im fine with anything thatll happen LMFAOAOO

hey guysss!! tysm for sending all ur thoughts abt sy7. i hope you don’t mind me compiling them bc my askbox is really flooded right now and these are just some of the shorter ones sdjsfjs all the other asks i receieved are really long paragraphs

so sorry i can’t respond individually but i thought it’d be nice for other readers to see the reactions and possibly relate to the anons!! :’)

[thelovelyghostwriter]

What your HxH waifu says about you

Since quite a few responded to the post "what hxh crush says about you" that featured guys (let's admit it, hxh is a damn sausage fest). I was thinking I should do one for the ladies.

Disclaimer: This is just for lame-ass comedy + sarcasm and not meant to offend anyone. Ehh… bonus if you know which two girls I simp for.

Bisky: I only have two questions that can lead to two VERY different conversations - which version of Bisky are you attracted to? Her original muscular form or her petite form? 🧐🧐

Machi: You like tsundere or tough girls. Her cold bitch ice queen attitude (but sweet princess on the inside) turns you on. You like how she has a nice thighs. You want her to do some weird bondage with you with her Nen threads.

Pakunoda: You probably don't look at her face most of the time. "hey, my eyes are up here perv" (she got real nice jugs though so I can't blame you) 🥵🥵 Horny-ness aside, she's loyal to death and that's a bonus for you too.

Shizuku: You're into sub girls that have huge tits and doesn't say much. You like the shy quiet ones. Cause ya know, you don't like women with loud opinions. Pfft.

Neon: Are you into DDLG? You like girls with a princess syndrome and high maintainence + daddy issues. You think her eyes has the "pls ruin my innocence". High likely you are a brat tamer. She reminds you of Botan who is such a charmer too. She has a high-pitched voice so... Naughty naughty.

Menchi: Probably wants a girl who can win your heart through your stomach. This woman can kick ass and cook meals for you, while looking hot. Real keeper there. You got good taste bro.

Mito: You probably wouldn't mind dating an older woman, maybe even those with kids. You like someone who is caring, waifu material and wants to settle down.

Baise: You like women that is confident and you might even have a "step-on-me" masochist kink. You don't mind being a slave to your mistress. You probably never cared about girls' hairstyles given that her hair looks like Hisoka's dick.

Komugi: I know it's you, Meruem, King of Ants. [I actually have real bad jokes about this but for the sake of peace, I will shut up]

Palm: You're into crazy yandere bitches and do not mind if your date changes her whole face with makeup. You probably proudly announced that you'd bone her even when she became an ant. Aye if bestiality is your thing then... go off hun.

Pitou: Uhh... No one really knows if Pitou is a dude but you don't care. You just assume Pitou is a she. You have some Neko catgirl fetish and that's what's important. You'd fuck whatever hole is available with Pitou. MEOW. Maybe you played Nekopara before? If you haven’t, I recommend it if you down real bad for cat girls. 

Cheadle: You like girls who are smart, responsible and generally righteous. Independent and a leader-type too. Back in school, you probably have a crush on that one studious girl and kept annoying her to get her attention.

Cluck (Rooster Zodiac): Ok back off. That's my wife. Just kidding, she belongs to Togashi. Anyway, YOU LIKE EM FEISTY. Yum. She may get pissed at you but you find it cute when she's mad. You might also have a thing abt her outfit with the nice feathery tail (it drives me horny so maybe you two too). Anyway, you got good taste.  

Pyon (Rabbit Zodiac): BOI. You down real bad for a bunny, huh? You’re just horny for some anime version of a Playboy Bunny. You probably looked at some furry porno from beastars or zootopia. Please join the rest of them Hisoka stans. Period. 

Alluka/Nanika: Why you reading this bro? You wanna die by Killua’s hands? 

Camilla Hui Guo Rou: Aight. She’s a sadist. Your mind probably saying “no” but because of her beauty, your hormones says “yes”

Gel (Snake Zodiac): You were probably captivated by her nice body. I don’t know if there’s x reader fics of hers but man I hope you didn’t look at her snickety-snake arm and be like “hey I want her to wrap it around my-” Yes, we know you into some tentacle porn or something. 

Kite (ant form): You never simped for Kite when he was a dude but now you see her and go head-over-heels. Can’t blame you though, she’s cute. High likelihood you into red-headed girls with freckles and big eyes. 

Canary: You love her dreadlocks and she has nice lips. You like Canary because of how she tries her best for Killua. Maybe you’re a Canary x Killua or Amane x Canary shipper too? She’s really loyal to Killua and likely you fell for her during the scene with Gon in the Zoldyck Family arc. You hate Kikyo because she zapped Canary with her freaky cyborg eyes.

Kikyo: I don’t know why this shouldn’t even be here. 

Oito: You have a MILF kink. Seriously dude, she has a kid that is signed up for death. But man, if child support is your thing...then no one’s stopping you papa

Amane: You saw her cuteness in that one episode and that was all it took for you to decide that you’d be a simp for her. 

Theta: You either ship her with Tserriednich, or you hate Tserriednich. There is no in between. You are scared of Theta’s fate, you’re scared she might die in the current arc because Tserriednich will kill her or force her to be his lover. You’re always praying that Tse’s Nen beast won’t screw her up. 

Melody: You love her voice. If possible, you want to listen to an ASMR of hers. You like her because she has a big heart.

Ponzu: You're heartbroken after the CA arc

Retz: FINALLY. Someone who appreciates this pretty girl. You're the best!

Zazan: Go to a bar, get laid cause you need it if you wanna fuck someone with a scorpion tail. You’re deprived. I do NOT want to get into what you fantasize regarding that scorpion tail. 

[killerandhealerqueen]

I will miss you alot when you take a break. So i need to ask for a breakup and make up au about Gaon and Yohan start dating. It’s kinda awkward for both of them, mostly Gaon ‘cause you look like his brother for god’s sake. He wonders had Yohan ever had feelings for his brother? Maybe he’s a lil jealous when he saw Yohan cried while talking abt his brother. He wants to talk to Yohan about this uncertain feeling but everytime he mentions Isaac, Yohan just brushes it off or being angry. So oneday he thinks maybe they should take a break. But Yohan doesn’t allow it

Gaon always had feelings for Yohan and when Yohan asked him to date, Gaon was over the moon

However, when they started dating things...started to get weird. At first they cuddled and hugged and kissed and then Yohan started pulling away, causing Gaon to be confused

Gaon then thought about it for a moment and realized that Yohan must be looking at him as if he was his brother, Isaac

Gaon's not going to lie, he feels a little weird and a little disgusted that Yohan would think about him like that and then he stops and thinks about it and wonders if...Yohan always had feelings for his brother

Like the way Yohan spoke about Isaac felt more...personal than familial, if that made any sense. And the way he cried when he spoke about him...Gaon couldn't help but feel a little jealous

Which was dumb, right? It was dumb to feel jealous over someone who was dead...and had been dead for some time. But Gaon had always sort of felt like a replacement for Isaac...it definitely didn't fucking help that he looked like him either

And if that's all that Yohan wanted...a replacement for a brother long gone, then Gaon didn't want to be any part of it. He wasn't Kang Isaac, he was Kim Gaon. And he was going to make Yohan know that

When Yohan got home from work, Gaon walked over to him and looked him in the eyes

"We need to talk"

Yohan raised an eyebrow but he followed Gaon to the study, where Gaon turned to face him

"I think we should take a break"

Yohan looked at him before he chuckled

"That's cute"

Gaon frowned

"What?"

Yohan looked at him and smirked

"You're not breaking up with me"

Gaon narrowed his eyes

"If you're just going to use me and see me as Isaac's replacement, then yes, I fucking am"

Yohan's eyes harden as he reached out and grasped Gaon's arm, making Gaon look at him with wide eyes

"You're not Isaac's replacement. Do you hear me? You're not"

Gaon looked at him before he wrenched his arm out of Yohan's grasp

"Then why are you pulling away from me? If it's not because I look like your brother then what is it?"

Yohan looked at him before he sighed

"Because I'm scared"

Gaon looked at him in confusion

"What?"

Yohan looked at him, his eyes glassy, as he let out a shuddering breath

"I'm scared, Gaon. I'm scared of the fact that now that I finally have something good in my life...it's going to be ripped away from me. That you're going to be ripped away from me"

Gaon looked at him in shock; Yohan was scared...that he was going to lose him? He blinked a few times before his face softened and he reached out, grasping Yohan's hand

"Come here"

He then pulled Yohan in for a hug, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly. Yohan buried his face in Gaon's shoulder, letting himself be vulnerable for once in his life

Gaon then rubbed Yohan's back comfortingly

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise, I'm not going anywhere"

Yohan let out a shuddering breath as he hugged Gaon tightly before he pulled away and smirked at him

"Did you really think I was pulling away because you looked like my brother?"

Gaon blushed and looked away as Yohan reached out and grasped his chin, forcing him to look at him

"Just because you look like him doesn't mean you are him. You're not Kang Isaac, you're Kim Gaon. And I wouldn't want you to be anyone else but you"

Gaon looked at him with tears in his eyes before he threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. Yohan chuckled softly before he wrapped his arms around Gaon and rested his chin on his shoulder, letting out a content hug

Yeah, Yohan wasn't letting go of this one. This one he would fight heaven and hell for and then some, just to keep by his side

[rotshop]

hiiiiiii i have a disease,,,im gonna make a seperate post for 8 other characters i had in mind w/ this same prompt for the sake of me not dying <3

anyway here's a few random madcom characters + an animal s/o because im deranged <3333333

Hank

-this one is a LITTTLEE easy i will admit but,,,Cat,,,,,it just fits!!!!

-he's very good at just kind of. dealing with whatever it is that you kinda throw at him. if you randomly decide you wanna try and take up all the space on his bed (good luck, its fucking Big) that's ok, he'll just lay down next to you somehow. if you decide you wanna lay on him then whoops!! he's stuck there till you get up now lol. (the amount of times deimos and sanford come back from missions and just see him sitting on the couch with you laying on his lap is uncountable,,,each time he just makes a gesture for them to be quiet so they dont wake you)

-VERY gentle w/ you, especially after becoming a mag. he always pets you very carefully with his more normal hand because he's scared of hurting you (there was one time he'd accidentally nicked you a little with his claws and he felt SO bad, kept fussing and asking if you were alright afterwards)

-you both purr!! his is a little louder than yours naturally but he kind of. tries to force it to be quieter because he wants to hear you :[ you kind of. get him into the habit of not doing that so instead he just lays his head on your chest or stomach so he can hear / feel it

-he can pick you up so easily its really funny. exactly ONE time on a mission where you were about to get hit from behind while dealing with another grunt and he just like??? SWEPT you up off the ground and wrecked their shit. the entire time you're just kind of there like 🧍

Sanford

-I'm so serious about this one dont even TALK to me. bnnuy.

-HE JUST THINKS UR CUTE!!!!,,,,ur a lot smaller in comparison to him (dont even get him started on how you look standing next to hank or any mag agents) and it makes him go :] ,,, on that note 9/10 he's carrying you around, he just likes picking you up and holding you since it's real easy and its a way of keeping you close to him (also he likes showing off his strength to you a little bit but shhh)

-rip to you though because you've got more sensitive hearing and. if you've heard his voice lines. then you know. this man. isn't always the quietest. BUT as soon as he noticed how you kinda flinch whenever he's yelling something on a mission or to one of the others then he apologizes a bunch and does his best to keep it to a minimum around you,,

-deimos is a menace and he would try and get san to confess to you a bunch'a times and it would usually just end in him trying to like. cover your ears or something so he can tell deimos to stfu. it barely works but its funny as fuck to see your confused expression and sans flustred one to dei

-all in all he just thinks you're really cute and kind of funny...sometimes you just kind of. sit down next to him and kind of stare because you want him to pet you lmao. on that same note at some point you just kinda. got into the habit of coming to his room to lay down with / around him and he just <:']

Sheriff

-AS MUCH AS I LOVE CATPERSON + SHERIFF,,,fox,,,,,,,,

-You're incredibly sly and fast, directly complimenting his more flighty nature. he is a coward who avoids danger and you ARE said danger, u are fucking deranged <3. at first he kinda thought of you as an enemy because you kept swooping in and saving him but the entire time you kind of. dragged him around like a ragdoll SJFFDJWCDS,,,you're running off as you pull him by the hand to follow you and you like. looked over your shoulder and gave this fanged smile back at him and he just . his brain fucing exploded you killed him. he didn't stop thinking abt it for like 3 days.

-anyways. you run circles around him its crazy, you two playfight and roughouse a lot. however he did have to ban you from biting too hard because you accidentally drew blood one time,,,,,u were apologetic and you kept checking the wound to make sure it was ok and that he was doing alright,,he wont admit it but he thought it was funny to see you all worried abt him, teases you about it but you just bare your fangs (jokingly) and threaten to do it again. he just gets flustered and rolls his eyes with a little scoff.

-you make a lot of like. squeaks and yips when you're excited or otherwise kinda worked up and he thinks they're real funny. he tries to imitate them but he ends up failing and 10/10 you hear his voice crack BUT he still considers it a win when it makes you laugh so :)

-admittedly he does poke and prod a lot lmao. he likes to trace your paws and to kinda. brush against your claws a little because he thinks they're really cool. also again this mans fucking weird, he's stuck his hand in your mouth before because he wanted to fuck w/ ur sharp teeth again. you bit him. he does not do this anymore.

Hofnarr

-(looks at a very specific mutual) hey. yeah no hof cat s/o lol

-he just!!! thinsk you're neat :) he really likes how sweet you can be and also still be evil and fucked up if you so please. you cause problems on purpose and he has to get you out of trouble lmao, SO...most times you just kinda stick around him (unless u have ur own work to do) and watch what he does. sometimes he'll have you help him out with certain things, eventually you kind of just. start picking up knowledge abt this and the first time you say something before he almost messes up on something he's just kinda 'oh yeah ur right....HEY WAIT YOU REMEMBERED-' he doesn't know WHY but it just makes him happy

-it is. admittedly. a little nerve wracking. to be nonhuman. in a lab that sometimes experiments on people. and nonhuman people. for some kind of obvious reasons. so he gets a little nervous about that sometimes. he does his best to kind of keep you out of serious trouble bc of that, keeps you away from phobos or any of his higher ups like him as much as he possibly can because he's scared of what they might do to you :[

-ON A MORE LIGHT HEARTED NOTE,,,u two stay up pretty late at the lab a lot. you just kinda help him out and you both get carried away. it's not an uncommon sight to any night guards or janitors to see you both talking in the dark with only like. a kinda dim lamp on as you both work. its like 1/4 you actually getting things done and 3/4s you two just talking about whatever comes into mind, he shows his more casual and laid-back nature in these moments especially. also not uncommon for people to see you both passed out in his lab curled up against eachother lol

-pets you absentmindedly a lot,,he isn't sure why he does it he just!! does!! he just kinda subconsciously reaches for you (sometimes you have to kinda. put your head under his hand for him which he appreciates). also likes messing with ur paws and claws a little, he's a lot more careful though since he's nicked himself on your nails before

[peachiimilquetea]

heyyyy :) can i get an angst scenario (fem!reader) for your event, with tenya and the prompts, "fuck you for making me love you.", "i'm sorry that i was never enough" and "i just want to understand why i wasn't enough." please?

your writing is *mwah* chef's kiss <3 thank you!!!

“𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮” + tenya iida

ft. “i’m sorry that i was never enough” + “i just want to understand why i wasn’t enough”

a/n: PLS WHY DO YALL ENJOY ANGST SM IT MAKES ME SAD WHEN I WRITE IT EVSJSBSJSSN. this one was just… damn. i hope i did the prompt justice tho! check out my event here!

contains: infidelity, tenya CURSES????, fuck mc ion like her in this one, breakup, overall just a shitty time, hakagure is a real one even after graduation

length: 1.2k

a/n ii: tysm for the kind words abt my work!! 🤍

hey iida, i hope this email finds you well given the circumstances,

i’m really really sorry…

tenya’s eyes scanned over the contents of the email and he could feel his world crumbling around him as he read. he had to remember to give hakagure something for all her troubles, as he was appreciative of all her help.

he had suspected something was going on for a few months, he wasn’t stupid. he saw the way you had started leaving your phone face down and picking up “extra shifts” at your job.

he noticed the way you smiled, how hollow it looked now when he said something to you or how you tensed up whenever he touched you, almost like an aversion to his affections.

so he pulled some strings, reached out to his old classmate from high school, now one of the top heroes that specialized in stealth in the country. he asked her to tail you on the way to one of your shifts and see what she could find. all he needed was confirmation.

i’m really really sorry…

you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.

you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.

“ten ten? baby i’m home!” you called, putting your stuff down at the door and striding into the room.

“why are you home so early?” he clipped out, initial devastation turning into anger the longer he looked at your face.

“what, i cant surprise, my boyfriend, anymore?” you attempted to joke, picking up on how tense the air was becoming.

“oh now i’m your boyfriend?” he chuckled in disbelief.

“what are you talking about? you’ve always been my boyfriend, ten, we’ve been together for like a year.”

“don’t bullshit me right now, _____. how long?”

“excuse me?” your smile started to slip, hoping he was angry about something else. anything else.

tenya turned the laptop sitting next to him around and your voice caught in your throat as you tried to answer him. high definition proof sat in front of you, a testament to how little you cared anymore. the look on his face told you everything.

he knows, you thought but used all your energy to keep your face as neutral as possible, opting to play dumb.

“how long, _____? answer me.”

you stayed silent, still trying to figure out a way out, but you knew you had reached the end of the line.

“how long have you been doing this _____?”

“s-seven months,” your voice was small. you were scared and ashamed- knowing you had been stringing him along for all this time and never seeing him react to anything like this. not when his brother was attacked or when his father died.

tenya didn’t think he could feel any worse. 7 months was more than half of the time you had been together officially, meaning you had checked out of this relationship a long time ago. you had been lying the whole time. having your cake and eating it too. it made him want to scream, cry and throw up all at the same time.

“im sorry tenya… really i am, but youve been so busy with hero work and your father left you in charge of everything, i’ve just been feeling really neglected, you know?”

“and you didn’t come to tell me about it? you went outside the home, outside of us to get your needs met?”

“it wasn’t like that-”

“then what was it like?” he pressed.

“i..”

“answer me, _____, what was it like?”

“you want the truth?” he gestured for you to go ahead, “i was bored.”

everything you said after that fell on deaf ears. you were rambling, and he wasn’t even sure if you were coming up with excuses for your own sake or for his.

you cheated because you were bored- bored of him and his unwavering love, bored of the late nights you stayed up to imagine your future, and bored of the way he treated the ground you walked on like gold. he absolutely adored you, and you got bored.

tenya’s mouth felt dry as he tried to articulate exactly what he was feeling. he wanted to go for a run and let the world blur into the background as he cleared his mind. he wanted to cry, one large cathartic release of everything that had been building up for the past few weeks. but most of all, he wanted to know why.

“you... got bored of me?”

you breathed out, exasperated, “yes, tenya, god! i needed some excitement, something different. you’re always so uptight, i just wanted to let loose sometimes, it was suffocating!”

iida flinched, the truth stinging more than he anticipated it would. he didn’t even recognize the woman that was staring at him, trying to explain away the betrayal of a lifetime.

“fuck you," he spat, even surprising himself with how hostile he was.

“tenya…”

“no. fuck you for making me love you, and fuck you for not having the integrity to break up with me when you knew you didn’t want to be here anymore.”

you deflated, feeling sick to your stomach at what you had done. initially, you hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but that didn’t matter now. “i know, i’m in the wrong and i’m sorry, but i think we can make this work and-”

he raised his hand at you to stop you. he didn’t want to listen to any more of what you had to say. he wanted you out of his house and out of his life.

he wanted to make you leave, and that’s exactly what he did, helping you pack up the things the two of you had gleefully moved in 3 months prior, and kicking you out.

he told you explicitly to never contact him again, much to your anguish. you knew you fucked up but you still wanted to be selfish, you still wanted access to him in ways that you didn’t deserve.

the rest of the day didn’t feel real. tenya went ghost, turning off his phone and sitting on the couch staring at the wall, unable to sit in the bedroom he once shared with you.

he thought about the ring he had asked his mom for, the ring he had already planned to give you, and heaved out a shaky sob. it was probably burning a hole in the nightstand drawer now, never to be used for its original purpose.

his eyes scanned the room, landing on a photo of the two of you that sat on the tv stand. getting up, he walked over to it to get a closer look. such a stark contrast from the way things were now. the two of you were all smiles in the photo, faces flushed and rosy from the cold air. he ran his thumb over the frame, finger caressing your face.

“im sorry i was never enough… i just want to understand why i was never enough.”

[wizkiddx]

Need your person

ahhh i have really no idea what i am doing. Anywayyyss this is a really angsty Harry fic, I have a part two but not sure how I feel abt it - so we will see if it ever sees the light of day x x x 

“Tom? I’m back!” Nadia declared as she heavily shut the black gloss front door of her boyfriend's place. She was wrestling with a ridiculous amount of shopping bags, that bounced against her calves before deciding to just dump them at the door- they could be dealt with later. Naturally, she’d blame the excessive haul on her friend that she’d met for lunch; Georgia almost forced her to buy all the clothes...right?

Once she had done so, she glanced around the almost still house, making her left eyebrow quirk up a bit. Since Tom and Harry returned for Toms latest filming venture their house hadn’t been quiet for a moment thereafter. With Tom, Harry, Harrison and herself and Y/n (Harry’s girlfriend) living there- fair to say there normally was at least someone messing around and causing chaos. Before she could read any more into it, Tom appeared round the corner, a small smile as he caught sight of his lovely and almost certainly shopping addicted girlfriend. 

“Hey”

“Hey” He replied back, smile tight-lipped and a very awkward atmosphere falling over the normally most easy-going couple. Nadia didn’t like it, choosing to address it straight up. 

“You gonna tell me why the weird vibe then?” Bags long since forgotten and abandoned, the couple naturally entered the sitting room- Tom landing heavily on the plush cream sofa. 

“I-er... look I know she’s one of your best friends but... well Harry’s got a pretty conclusive photo and account taken by some fan. She’s been cheating on him.” Nadia was unaware of her jaw falling slack while she stood above her boyfriend, arms folded and shaking her head slightly. 

“No Y/n wouldn’t. Come off it Tom you know too, there’s no chance.”

“I’m serious Nads. Harry’s confronting her now, shits really fucked him up.” Tom had this hard tone behind his intense gaze, something that Nadia had only seen a handful of times in their 1 yes relationship. It scared her. 

“ Nonono rewind though. Y/n wouldn’t cheat on him... she’s so in love with the boy!” Tom knew this would be tricky, especially with how close the two girls had gotten over that first lockdown and then ever since. Sometimes he questioned who the relationship was between, Nadia and Y/n seemingly just made for each other in a platonic kind of way. He sighed heavily, digging his phone out his back pocket to show her the picture, all the while watched by her intense hazel gaze. Not saying another word, Tom just held his phone out for her to take, photo on the display. 

“Swipe next to see what she says” after a short time Tom added, Nadia squinting at the phone and clearly zooming in on the blurry image. 

It did look pretty damning, Y/n and an unnamed man with his arm around her- pulling her almost flush against his chest, even at the public cafe they were seated outside. Though the image was grainy as hell, Y/n looked upset, as if he was comforting her. He, just for information, was a fairly attractive man- Tom would fairly admit. Clean-shaven, crisp white shirt on, jet black hair perfectly styled and a strongly carved face. 

That was the issue though, why Nadia’s lips parted with a silent and almost non-existent breath outwards- most getting stuck in her throat. She knew the face, briefly, from an encounter when the boys were away filming. She’d been so busy concentrating on Y/n at that moment about a month ago, it was a surprise she recognised the face at all. 

Suddenly feeling her heart drop, Nadia followed her boyfriends instructions and swiped left, revealing a screenshot of an Instagram direct message - along paragraph giving an exact recount of the day (or at least this ransomers recount). To paraphrase:

“ she just kept going ‘Harry can’t find out. I can’t tell Harry.’ She sounded upset but I just thought you should know”

The fan was obviously well-meaning but just so so wrong. Nadia gulped a little before looking up at her boyfriend, who was unconsciously tensing his jaw. He did that when he was uncomfortable or nervous and hell was he. 

“Where are they?”She muttered voice quiet which Nadia hadn’t realised till long since she’d spoken. It was just tense. 

“In the garden but we need to leave them be it’s not-“

“-FUCK” Predictably, Nads didn’t let Tom finish, already turning on her heel and rushing into the kitchen. Tom yelling something and following, but that’s not what she was concentrating on. 

Her best mate needed her. 

Even at the far end of the kitchen,  Nadia froze at the sight through the garden windows. Y/n was sat with her head in her hands, clearly crying and rocking slightly on the black wicker garden furniture set while Harry stood above. 

Harry. 

Harry was seething with rage. Nads could see him yelling at her, arms being flown round to articulate his anger furthermore. Because Harry didn’t open up easily. Because Harry was so in love with someone that apparently betrayed him so completely. When he saw that DM he just couldn’t ignore it. He’d always been self-conscious, Y/n knew that most of all. It felt like a knife was plunged and then twisted deeper into his chest. And who committed the heinous act? The person he had trusted most int he world. 

“Tom, I will explain but for now you just have to trust me.” Tearing her eye line away from Y/n’s crumpled body, which flinched with every harsh word Harry yelled- as if he were trying to get a reaction from her. Tom just looked at Nads in disbelief, arms crossed protectively and waiting for more. 

“Look…I-I know for a fact she didn’t cheat. There something you both don’t know but it’s not this at all.”

“Nadia I know your close but.-“

“I’m being very fucking serious Tom. If you trust me you have to go and get Harry away. Bloody look at him- she’s not arguing back! He’s hurting them both.”

“ He has a right to be angry.” Tom tried to counter, feeling uncomfortable with how easily Nadia brushed off such a serious and real accusation. 

“Tom for both their sakes, please...I’m begging you to help me” It was the desperation in her brown eyes. Making Tom shift from foot to foot. He was so torn but Nadia must have a reason. This isn’t just her bullshitting to protect a friend, he could see that much. As she grabbed his hands desperately, Tom already knew he was going to follow her.  And she could most definitely see it too as she minutely smiled in thanks before walking with purpose toward the back door. 

—————

You needed an out. Now. 

When Harry had first cornered you in the house with a steely gaze and asked you to have a conversation in the garden, you’d been running on adrenaline. Naturally, you thought he had somehow found out- but this? He had got it oh so wrong. But what hurt most was the fact you couldn’t say anything. You knew his heart was breaking, the fact he was screaming at you and calling you names you thought he never could even associate with you, it was only because he was so hurt. Yet at that moment, you couldn’t fathom how to explain the truth. That was the issue… the truth would hurt him too. So maybe it was easier this way, him hating you and suddenly not being apart of each other's life. Because that would still hurt him less than reality.

With that thought, your body decided to just make this even harder. What did it do you ask? Choose that exact moment to fail you again. Your thoughts all suddenly got jumbled, it felt like your brain was on some sort of rollercoaster. Brief moments of clarity when you weren’t swimming in a pool of disorientation. But to be honest, those moments when you could see the pain on his face, they hurt more than just sinking into oblivion as your body sorted folded over on itself. 

You were stuck fighting two battles neither of which you were sure you could win.

—————

It was just then, as Harry launched into another ‘how dare you betray him’ spiel that Nadia and Tom opened the door. Nadia making an immediate beeline to Y/n, holding her shoulders and trying to support her into an upwards position - leaving Tom to deal with a ball of hurt and rage that was Harry. 

“Mate you need to stop it’s not making any-“

“Fuck off Tom this is between me and her.” Harry snapped back, slapping his brother's arms off his. 

“I know but it’s not going anywhere.”

“Tom”

“Harry I’m serious give it a minute. You need to cool down” Tom urged, still slightly concerned by the rage in his brother's eyes, while Tom gently reached out to hold his shoulders. The younger man needed a bit of grounding and the contact meant Tom could half steer him toward the house.  With a quick glance of worry back to Y/n and Nadia, Tom followed Harry inside- arguing him up the stairs into his room. 

Meanwhile, Nadia was getting more and more concerned. Y/n could barely hold her body up and she was shaking. 

“Y/n what do you need um the-the finger prick thing?… What’s happening?”

“Yeh and uh…Need the... in the fridge get the oat milk and my-my bag.” It was a bit of a weird request but Nadia wasn’t going to question it and ran inside, grabbing the oat milk that seemed to rattle and then Y/n’s bag which was just in the countertop, knowing that was where she kept her finger prick test. Although this wasn’t about her either - Nadia was slightly terrified, shakily shouting for Haz who had to be somewhere in the house. 

“Okay okay, do you need my help?” Nadia spoke with trembling hands, unzipping the little pouch to reveal the red device and all its apparatus. During the month the boys had been away Nadia had seen Y/n do this a thousand times, but it still scared her at the thought. Luckily Y/n shook her head and took the device, pricking her finger then squeezing the blood onto the sensor film. While it beeped away measuring her glucose levels she smiled weakly at her friend. 

“I’m just low I think, can you get the sachets out the milk?” Because of course, Y/n was such an idiot she had hid her essential medication within a carton of oat milk, which was genius and stupid in equal measure. Genius because everybody else in the house was absolutely disgusted by oat milk being a thing so no one would ever try to make a cuppa with it; stupid because in moments like this, who was to know that the bloody oat milk carton could save her life?

“Do I need to phone an ambulance… you-you don't look good Y/n/n.”

“No” Y/n swallowed thickly, grimacing slightly at the reading that just appeared on the device - by far the lowest it had ever read since she had started having to do these stupid measurements. “If I pass out then yes but… I just need the glucose strips” Nadia nodded, still trying to prise the plastic packages out the empty oat milk container. Wordlessly Nadia finally phished one out and ripped it open immediately thrusting it into Y/n’s mouth - at least 70% certain that was what she had to do with them. 

While all this was happening Harrison wandered into the garden and looked at the scene in front of him in a bit of shock. Y/n was deathly grey, looking as though she was fighting every urge in her body to just relax everything and collapse into unconsciousness. Nadia kneeled in front of her, already working on ripping another packet open. After taking a moment or two to process what was happening Haz knelt down next to Nadia. 

“You need me to do anything?”

“I -er don’t think so… actually Y/n?? Y/N????” Nadia started violently shaking Y/n whose eyes had finally slipped shut. “Fuck shit fuck… you need to ring an ambulance Haz.”

“Your serious?”

“Deadly. I’ll explain later just get your phone… tell them she was having a hypo and now she’s unconscious. The er the number on the machine thing was 2.8”

Harrison didn’t argue; he did what he was told and an ambulance was immediately dispatched while Nadia followed instructions of the operator that had been put on speaker, still dropping the sachets of liquid down into her mouth. In fact, when they heard the ambulance pull into their road, Y/n started to stir- groaning and heavily blinking her eyes open. 

It was a bit of a blur, but the paramedics came in and slowly Y/n started to get more with it. 

“You know what happened to you love?” The kind-eyed Liverpudlian lady asked, removing the oxygen mask that was put on her as a precautionary measure, in the haze of them arriving. 

“Blood sugar low?”

“Uh-huh, you’ve just had a hypo. Are you type 1 or 2?”

“Um, I-uh…” Y/n flicked her eyes up to see Haz still stood looking very concerned while Nadia spoke to the other paramedic in hushed tones. “Neither… I got pancreatic cancer and so…so my whole pancreas is kind of dying.” Y/n could practically hear Harrison's eyes bugging out his head - but kept her eyes firmly on the blonde stout lady. She wasn’t ready to face that yet.

“Oh, lovie... you have to be really careful yeh? Hypos can turn to a coma really quick and you know what happens then.”

“I’m sorry, I uh guess I forgot to eat and then been running on adrenaline cos of…” Because of Harry. But she wasn’t about to pour her heart out to a complete stranger so instead shut her mouth. Emma, the paramedic, seemed t9 get the message and again smiled down at her gently.

“It’s okay I get it... so you know then that because you lost consciousness really we should be taking you to the hospital? Get your bloods checked?” The grimace on Y/n’s face was more than enough to answer her.

“Please I just want to sleep-“

“You need to go to hospital Y/n/n” Haz interjected who had been completely silent and still in shock. Yes, she wasn’t his girlfriend, but they were bloody close and he still hadn’t really had an explanation. 

“I just want to sleep and-and I got a lot of explaining to do” Y/n made the mistake of momentarily looking up to see Harrison’s glassy eyes and Emma followed suit. 

“You the boyfriend?”

“No, i- um I’m his housemate.”

“If we are even still together” Y/n mumbled her eyes trained on the ground. In response, Haz huffed indignantly sitting down right beside the slightly crippled girl and slung his arm around her shoulder. “Don’t you worry about that hey? Everything’s is gonna be fine.” Her head came to rest on his arm making Haz bend down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. She was sort of the other sister, having been on the scene much earlier than Nadia had, he’d come to really get on with her. 

After a moment of just being there with Haz, Y/n simply thankful he didn’t seem to hate her or believe the rumours anymore, Emma spoke up. 

“So a hard pass on the hospital is it? Because then we should just think about getting you inside to rest.” Y/n nodded hard, very clearly expressing her preference, making the two chuckle. “They’d only be checking your blood levels which I can get a doctor to do tomorrow morning from home. I’m not supposed to say this but it's okay to stay.” It was all going swimmingly until they heard a very very familiar voice. 

“What the hells happening?”