#STOP TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO IN MY ART

[cynicallyneutral]

some of y’all just rly rly have the audacity huh

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

[justakennyoshi]

being less active in tumblr actually feels nice, i was feeling too overwhelmed with the app and now that i was focusing in other things (proseka luka luka luka luka and luka) im doing better and even feeling like drawing again c:

[artdcnaldson]

im so glad youre matching my freak on this (patricks sister au) because im actually so not normal about it. i havent thought about anything else all day, many more thoughts are in my head about this, i need art so badly

his restraint grows wearier every time you're on his bed in your slutty outfits making puppy eyes at him. its only gotten worse since he let it slip that he does want you, but just cant. it seems like youre in his room every day now. tiny shorts or even worse, tiny tennis skirts. the kind where he can see another one of many lacy pairs of panties every time you adjust yourself. he makes it a point to always sit at his desk, or even stand, he needs the distance.

one night hes dragging you back from a stupid frat party, one of those with a dress up theme thats really just an excuse to have the girls dress extra slutty, and oh boy did you deliver. youre not too drunk, but hes carrying you over his shoulder regardless, its just faster that way. (youre not complaining, you get to stare at his ass the whole way back to his dorm) and maybe youre acting more drunk than you are, just so he wont bring you to your own room, but he'll have to let you sleep in his.

then you're laying in his bed, surrounded by his scent, maybe even dressed in another one of his shirts and maybe just a pair of panties. watching him as he gets ready for bed (he always refuses to share the bed with you but sleeps on thr carpet on his floor instead), brushing his teeth, changing his shirt, complaining about some guy who was trying too hard to flirt with you, getting too close to you. its all too much, you really cant help it, maybe you can even blame the few shots of tequila your friends had made you take earlier that night, but your hand trails down under the sheets. you cant help but touch yourself, gently, barely even feeling it. but youre just so turned on by him, being this close to him, his possessiveness. whats a girl to do!!!!

he hears the little moan you let out, he tries so hard to ignore it. to control himself. truly hes not surprised. he keeps talking, pretending he didnt hear you. but when he turns around, its just too much. he cant help but tell you how pathetic youre being, he means for it to come out sterner, meaner, it was meant to deter you. instead he hears you moan again, so pathetic. it shouldnt egg him on, he should tell you to stop, to leave, to pull your hand out of your damn panties. he should tell you to quit being such a slut. why is it turning you on when he tells you youre being pathetic? why are you moaning louder when he says you can never have his cock? he cant help but taunt you :(((

(i can keep going, just ask lol)

GODDDDDD this au has me salivating so badly it’s crazy like this ask made me go take a lap, had to walk on my treadmill and clear my head. I feel so insane rn

Bc why IS he getting so weird and protective over you? Why is he mad that you were practically dry humping some loser from the fucking swim team that you looked like a fucking slut out there, and you should be embarrassed, honestly.

And god, he really does sound pissed about it, and you’re still pretty buzzed from the party, too, everything feels really slow and hazy and there’s an insistent throbbing need between your thighs. you’re so wet it’s soaking through the skimpy, slutty panties you were wearing.

“You should really fucking have some standards.”

Mhmm. Yeah. You should. He should totally keep telling you all about it. You sigh, slip your fingers between your thighs— all wet and sticky and sensitive. You moan, just barely, but he freezes a little. You can see the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he grips the edges of the sink. But then he’s right back to bitching at you.

“What the fuck did you think was gonna happen, huh? Did you think I’d go over there and rip you off of that dickhead? That I’d get so jealous I’d finally fuck you like you want?”

You moan, louder, and that’s when he turns. His jaw is set, clenched as he watches your hand move beneath the sheets. You’re completely unabashed as he watches you, he watches your legs spread slightly, can tell your fingers have gone from toying with your clit to being stuffed inside your pussy.

And he laughs. “God, this is really fucking pathetic, you know that, don’t you?”

You nod, whimper out a, “mhmm.” You’re looking at him through half-lidded eyes, all hazy and soft. And your hand is moving faster beneath the blankets, and god, he wants to move it so fucking badly. Wants to watch, to see how wet you are for him.

It would be so easy to just rip that blanket off— his fingers are fucking twitching with the need to. He almost does, almost loses himself in it.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking desperate,” he says, arms crossed, trying to ignore how fucking good you sound now that you’re not muffling your moans. “You think fucking yourself in my bed is going to change anything? It just makes you look like a slut. You know how embarrassed I’d be if you were my sister? You’re fucking lucky I don’t tell Patrick what you’re up to.”

You whine, pouting as you thrust your fingers deeper inside your cunt. You’re so close already, just want to cum, want him to rip off the blankets and fuck you into the mattress. “Please,” you whine.

“Please? You think I’m going to fuck up my friendship with Patrick for pussy?” He’s being so mean, you’re fucking dripping down your wrist with how soaked you are. “I’m never going to fuck you. You just need to grow up and fucking accept it.”

You cum as he watches you, thighs trembling and closing around your hand. Fingers all slick and sticky when you finally slip them from your cunt. He’s staring at you, completely indiscernible. And he laughs again. Whatever. You can go ten more rounds if he just keeps talking to you.

[jyakkopotto-saddo-gaaru]

opinions under cut that i dont think many people will like so if you get upset easily just to be safe i would skip out on this one ,:D

1: every time i see the word proship or antiship or any variation of those a part of me dies a little. do you understand what a slippery slope that is. what do you define as something thats "immoral" to ship? adult x child? i get why thats icky!! i dont like seeing it either!! sibling x sibling? no one should be in a relationship like that!! its exploitative!!

the main issue is that people seem to equate shipping with thinking those characters would be good for one another. it isnt wrong to think pairings are interesting, its wrong to endorse them in real life. feeling grossed out does not mean being violated, and as long as a piece of art/a fic is tagged correctly, those sorts of explorations of fiction deserve to exist.

in general, we should stop trivializing the real life harm done by things such as pedophilia and abuse and incest and all those by comparing them to simple human creativity. i promise its alright and feeling ucky will pass. if you get upset by seeing it im so sorry but it is up to you to filter things. please free yourself from twitter hell.

2: people treat fandom and fiction in general way too seriously. it isnt that deep people are just making things because its interesting and fun 99% of the time it wont reflect their beliefs.

dont even hit me with "fiction affects real life!! what will happen when the kids see it and it gets normalized???" it is not anyones responsibility to parent others children. at all.

can i tell you something? i was a kid who read smut at 9 years old. and lo and behold i am not someone who endorses rape and / or molestation. there are probably hundreds of others just like me who feel very uncomfortable whenever people act as if exposure breeds corruption.

did you know that seeing people say that made me paranoid about me actually being a bad person? did you know i became obsessed with being "good" to balance it out?

you arent helping anyone. this type of fiction can be incredibly cathartic for survivors, it can spread awareness of the issues, and even if it didnt, that shouldnt matter. net zero harm shouldnt be considered "evil".

its okay. its okay, you dont need to be scared of getting attacked anymore. i will defend you with my life. the bug porn you wrote at 15 years old doesnt mean you want to fuck bugs and it doesnt mean youre evil. youre free. its okay i promise. theres a whole big wide world outside of the little pseudofascist bubble you were exposed to. youll be fine.

[taffywabbit]

im also anti proship but calling rugrats porn drawings "child porn" really dilutes the severity of actual child porn. we shouldnt be confusing actual cp that hurts real children with just weirdos drawing porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids, the two things are not at all on the same level

ok i suppose this was inevitable, i may as well get into it.

(CW for some discussion of CSA and child pornography, obviously)

first off, "i'm also anti proship but" is a terrifying way to start your message, and to go and follow it up with some extremely common proship copypasta i've heard a million times about "taking attention/resources/severity/etc away from real CSA victims" or whatever kinda makes me wonder how "anti proship" you actually are...?

kind of the point of this whole debate is typically that "proship" folks insist that fiction, or in this case "porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids" as you put it, has no effect on reality or people's mindsets. and so-called "antis" like myself generally respond to this idea with something along the lines of "well it sure seems to affect the reality of your cock and balls", and point out how repeatedly consuming media with a particular focus or message has been shown time and time again to quantifiably influence the way people view the world around them, in ways that subsequently affect how they act, or desensitize them to things that might otherwise upset/offend them. y'know, like political propaganda! or blockbuster movies about killer sharks! obviously some people are going to be more resilient against that sort of influence when the real-world equivalent of "porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids" is something so blatantly unacceptable, and nobody is really claiming that the impact of fictional CP is "on the same level" as its IRL counterpart.

but at the very least, most people who would be considered "anti proship" WILL tell you "hey, i'm not trying to say that you jerking it to twitter porn of Gwen Tennyson or Tails or whatever is LITERALLY THE SAME as committing CSA, but it's still really fucking concerning and creepy that the majority of your sexual fixations are all specifically cutesy vulnerable cartoon characters under the age of 12, many of whom also have canonical adult designs that you conveniently avoid in favor of sexualizing the ones that are barely old enough to learn long division. you should maybe do some introspection and figure out why that is and whether or not you're really comfortable with what it implies about you. personally i know I'M not comfortable with that shit and i'm not going to keep hanging around you unless you make some serious changes." except usually in my experience the conversation ends up being a lot shorter and ends in a block pretty quickly. like i'm not a psychologist and i don't keep a bunch of studies on hand to throw at you about how fictional CP is often a factor in grooming, but i DO have a brain and can pretty clearly see when someone is rationalizing behavior that will lead them to places i'm not willing to follow.

ANYWAYS to focus more specifically on the actual reason we're talking about this (which was, to be clear, a mobile ad Tumblr served me that depicted one of the dads from Rugrats having sex with his 3yo daughter): yes, actually, that shit IS illegal to create or distribute. it's not the SAME as literal photographs of real children, OBVIOUSLY, but it's still also extremely fucked up in its own right, and any reasonable person in your life would probably stop talking to you if you told them you got off to it.

don't believe me about the legality part? check this out:

so like, I GUESS you might get some legal leeway with cub furry art or sonic porn or stuff that isn't always obvious in how much it's intended to parallel real children? if you really care? but this ad was literally multiple illustrations of a human adult man having intercourse with a human toddler. it's pornography centered around openly fetishizing the sexual assault of a child by a parent. i fail to see how referring to that in shorthand as "child porn" is inaccurate in any way that matters.

and Tumblr is a US-based company, beholden to the laws shown above, so they are at least somewhat responsible when illustrated pedophilic incest porn gets shown to thousands of their mobile app users in an ad they got paid to display. THAT was the original point i was making in my post. but thank you for trying to derail it to interrogate my "anti proship" views or whatever, i have had multiple people send me fairly nasty asks about it in the past year and you finally caught me in a moment when i was already pissed enough about something else that i felt like going off about this stuff. sorry if you actually agreed with most of this and i came off as overly rude/harsh, but if that's the case then this response is for all the other anon asks and replies i've gotten too, i guess.

now we're all clear about where i stand and i hopefully don't need to talk about this again - it's kind of a fucking bummer to think about this stuff and i've been avoiding the subject intentionally. you are always welcome to just block me if you have a problem

[heyyallitsbeth]

so i let the hyperfixation win.

over the past several hours i rewatched Sword Art Online and SAO 2.

(this time dubbed, last time i watched it subbed)

here are my thoughts:

-anyone who said the dub was bad is just wrong. Kirito's VA really shines in the more comedic or sweet moments (like when first meeting Yui), he reminds me of like a Peter Parker. and oh my lord, the breakdown by Suguha's VA was just a masterpiece. Still have chills from watching it.

-i have such a big appreciation for every character. This time it really shined through how good of characters Kirito, Asuna, and Suguha actually are.

Kirito's internal conflict throughout SAO2 is so good, grappling with their actions they needed to take in SAO to survive. and throughout all of it you can tell how much they truly loves their friends and family, and how kind hearted they really are. Asuna definitely fits into that role as well, being so ready to take care of Yui and so desperately wanting her to be safe and loved and cared for.

And oh my gosh Suguha. I remember people absolutely hated her arc because it is problematic, but the fact is, it's played entirely serious, her feelings arent taken as a joke. She has a genuine and real internal struggle for feeling things she feels she shouldnt, and how she feels those feelings arent reciprocated or cant be reciprocated, and having her heart broken twice by someone who she loves and someone who also does still genuinely love her. Its absolutely heartbreaking to watch.

Man, Sinon is still fantastic. She's still my absolute favorite, and I think she is one of the best characters in the show, and pretty much steals the show from her introduction. Her arc ties in so seamlessly with Kirito's and how they help eachother heal and grow is fantastic. Only complaint is we never got a scene of the rest of the Gals being jealous about the grenade hug she gave Kirito. After Kirito and Sinon nearly died, wouldve been some nice relief so you didnt feel like you yourself were dying.

-Speaking of, while there was definitely a ton of fanservice, the pseudo-harem aspect with the jokes were kinda cute, between characters seeing flirting happen around them, getting embarassed over it, its fun. Especially when people got jealous of Sinon flirting with Kirito over Excalibur. That part was very fun, since they did that infront of everyone else, almost like they were trying to get a rise out of them. Theyre not exactly the pinnacle of comedy, its definitely a trope, but theres something nostalgic about it that makes it kinda enjoyable.

-Speaking of the psuedo-harem, guys if all of you are constantly flirting with eachother (not just Kirito surprisingly, happens between the other girls frequently) and jealous of any affection with that, just start a polycule. You're a group of gamer girls playing MMOs together and all of you have slept in the same bed with eachother. Stop snipping at eachother and start dating eachother. Polyamory is pretty cool. Kirito and Asuna can still be the main duo and be the parents to Yui and Strea; but yall gotta work on the jealousy or just do what every other group of girl gamers does, polyamory. Lisbeth you should not be angrily drinking while watching Kirito and Asuna talk. (this is mostly a joke, im not actually saying they *have* to do a polycule, its more of a joke because of how tropey a lot of the flirting and jealousy is, and yknow, gay girls do polyamory, so dont take this part toooooo seriously.)

-Speaking of girls dating girls, the LGBT rep aint half bad. Argo canonically using both male and female pronouns is really cool! Most of the girls flirt with eachother a lot too, which is nice. Between the female avatar, the willingness to pretend to be a girl, the introversion, the desire to be an avatar in a virtual world more than irl, Kirito might be transgender. All good stuff here.

Overall, SAO is honestly way better than I remembered, even if some parts definitely show its age. You gotta piece it together a little bit with headcanons, but i do that with every show, nothing is perfect. Except Sinon. And a world where trans Kirito is canon. Those are perfect.

[terraliensvent]

https://ibb.co/wNj5R6Z

When did this become a thing? There's no rule in the server about it. Nor has there been an announcement about this new rule.

Dont get me wrong, i get it. Its a server with minors in it. Its smart of em. But, there is no rule about it that id seen?? Besides that point... How you going to control someones profile like that??

Its not like its going to stop the minors from seeing it regardless. Cause if the two dm cause commission or whatever, they are still going to see it anyway?! And you reallllly cant tell someone they have to change their pfp OUTSIDE the server. Its their profile afterall.

This is 100% why i believe minors shouldnt be involved in CS spaces too. Because regardless of any rule put in place about nsfw content.. They will still see and be subjected to this content if theres a customer/client chat going on due to commissions. You can control a persons server profile, but outside of that... You cant.

And if the adults all start putting in their ads "Please no minors, as it makes me uncomfortable," or whatever other thing they could write... Will probably get bad backlash in a server full of well...children. Including some of the actual adults too. I can just see this being a huge thing from both sides.

The minors being upset they cant offer their art/comms. The childish adults who just cant handle too... Then a big ol whine fest about it all.

Even though the adults are just trying to keep the minors and themselves safe.

But ye.. Either way... This rule should probably be announced and added in bold somewhere. Cause i didnt, nor have seen, this one in this server. Still a worry, but... Still glad its there too.

I just am seeing both sides of what could happen here though.

i mean im gonna be fr, i do not see the issue with this. i think its pretty implied that no NSFW whatsoever is allowed seeing as terras has always advertised itself as being minor friendly, so it would just be looped in with the no NSFW images rule.

there is a trade discussion chat, if the person wanted to keep their actual profile NSFW but have talks about comms they can do it in the other chat, it doesnt HAVE to go to dms

also ive really never seen an issue with people saying they only want adults to commission them, and even if someone complained i dont think itd be received well by other members or by staff

i understand your angle of playing devils advocate but i honestly dont think this is an issue, at best its an attempt to minimize any foul play and exposure of NSFW to minors, and at worst its a measure that, while effective in some areas, has some oversights in others

i know terras has been pretty dead but yall gotta have better topics if ur gonna put it in my inbox lol (kidding)

Editing to add: NSFW pfps/profile banners are also against Discord TOS as a whole. checkmate liberal

[luniise-kel]

i understand that it's frustrating when you feel people are misinterpreting your art, but a key part of creating and making art, and then consuming it for the viewer, is making your own interpretations and having your own understandings and experiences of what you believe is being portrayed; you can't dictate what people are supposed to feel about your creation.

i dont care if you see the comic as sad for fucks sake. Ive said this so many times . i do not give a flying fuck. stop trying to tell me what to feel and what to think. ive only said that people were being freaks and to stop. you dont know what i mean by this so stop trying to tell me what to feel. i have every right to explain my art if i know people may not get it. i dont care if you think about some fan comic i made is suppose to be something else than what i intended. of course i cant dictate what people are suppose to feel but you also have no right coming into my inbox telling me im weird for asking people to understand comic better, nor do you have a right to tell me if i should or shouldnt feel uncomfortable by some people’s interpretations. i didnt make that comic to post it, i posted it because i thought why not. i could have very easily kept that shit hidden away. please understand with me this is a persona 5 fan comic made by some kid in highschool, i honest to god do not care. I have other shit to worry about and it just so happens i dont like logging into tumblr and seeing freaks in my notifs. Ive said this many times as politely as i can but since you still dont get it: i dont care if people think that comic is sad, i care if your reblogging that shit and saying weird ass stuff that i wake up and see.

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel kinda bad abt taking my mental health/work day

like yea i get an insane amount of school work but theres ppl i go to school w who have practice, and rehersal and get it done. am i seriously this mentally weak and unstable?? that i get so stressed out and anxious over school i have to take a day to do it cause i cant do my work at school? really???? like i feel idk idk how i feel. i dont think guilty is the right word? but neither is weak? idk. but its bad. theres just so much going on in my family life too that im worried about and i keep trying to tell myself that this is ok and needed and i just have to get the work done but its so hard to not worry and get overanxious to the point i cant go to school. mental health is such a tricky thing and i know its important but i feel so bad when i take care of it. i will say i put on my insta note "needing to stay home from school to do schoolwork is crazy" and like 5 ppl from school have responded saying they do the same thing all the time cause its so necessary. that makes me feel less bad abt taking today off, well not really off im gonna spend my whole day working even tho thats what i did yesterday too after my PSAT and barely made a dent in my planner. its just its so much. so so so so much and i feel bad that other ppl can handle it but i cant. ik ppls brains are built different but how come i struggle so much in school and w school work and others just pass w As and dont even bat an eye???? ig stupid is how it makes me feel. guilty, weak, and stupid. its only october and i feel like im on a sinking ship, i have school to worry abt, loved ones in florida to worry abt, my mas health to worry abt, my health to worry abt, keeping the house at least kinda clean to worry abt, plans to worry abt, social things to worry abt, so much to worry abt. also slightly unrelated but i have a dr appt to go to on saturday and get to skip out on helping w open house at my school and trying to explain to my friend why no she wouldnt rather spend her saturday talking w her mothers spinal surgeon about how she could be paralyzed for the rest of her life, or how her back conditions could kill her. id rather work open house but she insisted i was "lucky" to miss out. i just feel so overwhelmed already. its only october and my mental health is already at such an edge that i cant go to school. ik that going where i go will be good in the long run and the adults around me are constantly telling me that but idk if its worth it since who knows if ill even make it to the long run. they keep insisting that too. ignoring my mental health concerns and just saying that i go to such a good school and my diploma will help me much more than if i went to public school. which is all tru but it shouldnt be at the cost of my mental, and physical health. they say itll make college easier but if this is supposed to prep me for college idk if i can make it another 4 years of this.

im not happy anymore. not long term anyways like sure hoco was fun and i was happy, i was happy getting ready and dancing but as soon as it ended i wasnt happy anymore. i was back to my now usual empty kind of sadness. i watch shows, play games, and make art that usually makes me happy and it doesnt anymore. i stopped drawing for pleasure, only watch shows and yt series to get it over with and havent touched any games in a long time. nothings fun anymore. everyone is so happy, going to parties, hanging out, having fun but here i am practically drowning trying to even crack a smile. ive started just doing the bare minimum for myself to survive. school, sleep, eating, showers basic things. ive abandoned most of my hobbies and ik thats not good for me but i just cant bring myself to do them. i wanna be happy and i dont want ppl ik to worry so i just kinda fake it hoping no one will notice and maybe i can make other ppl happy. im lonely, sad, anxious, guilty, depressed. i should be excited abt things but everything feels like an obligation now. im just trying to go abt life trying not to die and thats pretty much it.

[funstarscircusmichealafton]

vent #2

2 vents in a row and still no art, dang, I need to stop wasting my time

anyways

My mom is being a fucking bitch to me!

i was trying to talk to her about how she makes me uncomfortable sometimes (irl reasons I’d prefer not to explain) and she goes “YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT IM NOT RUDE, YOU SHOULDNT TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO, IM THE MOTHER OF THIS HOUSEHOLD AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT” (she was drunk during this btw , this is just a simple summary of what she said cause she randomly went on a tirade about politics and how I should be lucky she isn’t a republican? I dont fucking know) yeah uh- those words have been echoing in my head, anytime I’m near her I have a panic attack, anytime she speaks I have to hold tears in, and any time she mentions the argument last night I start bursting into tears. I’ve talked to my dad about this (yes he’s home from the hospital) and he understands, he tried to tell my mom her words hurt me and she goes “SORRY BUT ITS YOUR FAULT THAT HAPPENED TO YOU” . MY FAULT??? MY FAULT THAT I GET UNCOMFORTABLE??? MY FAULT THAT I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE??? MY FAULT THAT I CANT CONTROL MY ANXIETY???

my moms changing… not in a good way… she keeps drinking more and more wine, I’m worried it’s changing her, making things worse.

anyways 🤪🤪 let’s pretend I didn’t rant about that!

I’ll be posting some fnaf and oc art soon, I have some motivation, although things may take a little longer tho cause my moms very I mean VERY mad at me

[iguanasplit]

hey, its the hottest spring, speudo-summer i might say. i am considering retaking journalling just because i have the hunch it would do wonders to my mind. drawing is too doing wonders to my mind, both simultaneously creating and allowing some information, ideas relief.

i am 24, writing to an old voice, from a website i barely touch but that craddled my dreams when i entered college. and now after eons im here, i do come here sometimes to just talk to you like this, but i do still come sometimes, the same way you pop on my mind sometimes, lighthearted, not always good, but always lovingly. so im here. 4:30pm still working hours but im on lunch break. i work home. extra time i waste because my organizing skills have always been bad and i heard it has a name and im not medicating propperly for it, but then again i never have and ive come this far. so once again, track lost and refound, im here. 24, sitting at home working, drenched in sweat because the weather is awful, but in front of me theres my keyboard, my screen and to my side its the box i set up yesterday, my first and very own CPU. its black, tall and the left side has a pannel that allows me to see the fans spin and the silver of the processors resistance. something i always wanted when i was a child. a real gamer cpu, bought with my own money, and something i wasnt expecting. assembled throught my own hands. i know i shouldnt celebrate departures but in this case i cant help but being way too happy. way too giddy. y' know the way my head just gets stuck on things and wont let go till a big dawn. i hadnt realized how much i was missing, (a pity my brain just wouldnt let go) being entirely obsessed with several groups and such. uh yeah. the posters are there and the albums are too, but i dont burn like i did, desperate to know what did the kpop boys i like this round do today. they seem to be busy, thats good but its as good as i care, i dfidnt realize until i left how in most cases it felt like it didnt quite fit.

now im back on games stuff, its like i should have come here before, you know i knew i would have enjoyed it, their approach, this peoples approach to art is much freer, much more experimental and interesting and i could cry on how well it feels, not just to see things i think about appreciated but finding people who seem to be on that same wavelength. not that i dont appreciate the time, not that i dont love dearly everyone the past around 8 years gave me. i am just simply overjoyed in what i find today. i guess in the end everythings a phase, beginning and end entirely important. how i enter and how i end, what i got in the process its whats really important. i feel youd get it. but more importantly, and the most importantly is that their approach to art reignited mine in a way i hadnt seen in years, that nothing, nothing ever came close to do in the past decade since after you passed. maybe bts came close, but that only solidifies a subject above that has to do with themes and experimentation of art. but back on track. many times last year and in the past few years i was considering jsut leaving art, wanted to rip it off me. wanted off so i wouldnt disappoint myself every single time i tried and tried and failed, knowing i could be normal if i let go something i was never gifted and pretending would just burn me all over. the whole process has been like trying desperately to bury a living thing and hoping it stops coming out. every feet of dirt i just kept disappointing me further, i kept wishing i could take it all lightly. i was so close to dropping it, entirely.and well the regret the regret of seeing how much does everyone around me with real art careers were improving so much while i was crunching code on websites, most time spent trying to tell myself i could make it without drawing, maybe that will ease me out on the paper. but it never did it never came easier, it became harder and harder, and most times i wanted off as if it never existed in first place. not that i didnt love it i simply convinced myself it would be pointless to put on an effort and be disappointed in the end by the lackluster results i end up giving. im sorry, no amount of eroding edges and softening remove how jagged my insides are, and sorry no amount of regret can turn back time and hone the skills for all the time i lost being afraid, thats always been my pitfall. im sorry i only wanted to make you a drawing to explain how much your art ever meant to me and i never got the guts to truly put you in paper. you have always been the most tender of souls and my lacking hand couldnt do justice. but i think im back now. what i mean is that im back to trying this for real, with the intention of breaking, the intention of what i desperately said i did but i never did. im breaking the bones and instead of burying it im ransacking the fucking grave i guess. it all starts the same place it ends. im back where i was in highschool when i decided my young naive self that i wanted to tell stories through art, obsessed with games and animated series, and you were there too, beautiful, so i thought, i should tell you, because i tell you everything.

and so im back where i started, so much time lost but no regrets i guess. sorry not for dropping the pencil but for the many many times i lied about it. you will have my worse because thats after all the most that could be given, stupid, and worrysome, and unable to stop making all the mistakes i didnt make when i was young and too busying trying to make a daughter my parents would be proud instead of whatever i am so theres so much to pick up. i am to be build from scratch, so much to do, so much rough, so much lack of skills, and so you will have me in all the mistakes and loose ends i left, the splinter in the wood from everything i tore apart and never propperly cleaned, but its all of me, and theres so much to clean here before we can propperly start anew. i will take care of it. anyway, i build a computer from scratch like i wished when i was 14 and i still have some tasks to do for work today, but after that im all yours so if youll have me.

[pesterloglog]

Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider

Candy, page 5

JADE: did you hear that john left his house?

JADE: multiple days in a row even!

KARKAT: NO FUCKING WAY. THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.

KARKAT: SOMEONE LEAVING THEIR HOUSE? STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES.

JADE: karkat....

KARKAT: IS IT A SLOW NEWS DAY IN THE CONSORT KINGDOM OR SOMETHING?

JADE: im being serious dumpass

JADE: i was really worried about him!

KARKAT: I��M BEING SERIOUS TOO. I WAS ACTUALLY BEGINNING TO WONDER IF JOHN HAD DIED.

KARKAT: BUT WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT? IT’S NOT LIKE HE ANSWERS THE PHONE.

JADE: well if you CARE so much then maybe dont respond with sarcasm when i tell you that hes getting better!

DAVE: guys its not a competition we were all worried about john

JADE: were we??

JADE: whens the last time either of you tried to hang out with him?

KARKAT: WHEN’S THE LAST TIME EITHER OF US LEFT THE HIVE?

DAVE: yeah shut ins living in glass hives shouldnt throw uh

DAVE: actually if we lived in a glass hive way too much light would come in for karkats brutal photosensitivity issues

DAVE: so wed probably cover all the walls with like

DAVE: lots of curtains and sheets of thick fabric

DAVE: so i guess maybe we COULD throw stones?

DAVE: like kinda small ones so that the fabric could easily absorb the momentum

DAVE: also me and karkat would probably be too lazy to throw the stones that hard anyway

DAVE: so i think actually this scenario is pretty workable here

DAVE: it provides for a certain threshold of allowable minimum hypocrisy

JADE: dave this sucks

DAVE: no it doesnt

DAVE: im giving thoughtful and critical consideration to a cliche which is long past due

DAVE: a glass house with wall to wall curtains creates what im going to theorize as an incredibly important “self owning buffer”

DAVE: this is a huge breakthrough and also its fucking science

DAVE: you of all people should appreciate the work being done here

JADE: oh my GOD

JADE: i never thought id be thinking of you as my weird nerd friend by the time we were in our twenties

DAVE: yeah well i never thought youd be like the premiere woo girl on the planet

DAVE: what are you even doing here with us

DAVE: dont you usually spend your weekends at 48 hour interspecies raves or doing arctic expeditions with jake or whatever

JADE: those two things are not always mutually exclusive hehe

KARKAT: UGH

JADE: im just enjoying my youth

JADE: you could be enjoying it too hehehehe

JADE: but seriously.... what do you two even do holed up in here together all the time?

KARKAT: OH I’M SORRY, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN DAVE’S ILL BEGOTTEN ART EMPIRE?

KARKAT: HE’S GOT HIS OPPOSABLE DIGITS STUCK IN SO MANY DOUBLE-STACKED HUSKLOAFS THAT EVEN I DON’T KNOW ALL HIS PEN NAMES.

JADE: ok so thats what dave does

JADE: what do YOU do??

KARKAT: I UH

JADE: sit around and play video games all day?

KARKAT: HEY! THAT’S NOT THE ONLY THING I DO! I’VE...

KARKAT: DONE LAUNDRY.

DAVE: once or twice

KARKAT: ALSO, WHAT HUMANS REFER TO AS “GROCERIES.”

KARKAT: I DO THE GROCERIES.

DAVE: thats not a fucking figure of speech man

DAVE: you dont do the groceries you go out and buy them

DAVE: and even then you dont actually do that

KARKAT: LIKE FUCK I MPHUMPHLE...

DAVE: he means that he uses the alchemizer in the basement sometimes

KARKAT: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?

DAVE: oh and when hes in a bad mood hell go yell at trolls on the internet

DAVE: not like trolls as in the troll species i mean

DAVE: literal trolls who talk shit online

DAVE: i dunno a bunch of them could be actual trolls i guess

DAVE: but not strictly

KARKAT: DAVE!

KARKAT: DON’T FUCKING TELL HER ABOUT THAT.

DAVE: why not dude i think its cute

DAVE: hes on all the major political sites of course but he spends most of his time going after people who leave abusive comments on my sweet bro and hella jeff posts

DAVE: like hes got a whole complex network of burner accounts and sockpuppets on my homepage set up for every possible scenario

JADE: jesus christ....

DAVE: its incredible hes driven at least ten people off the site by creating thinly veiled parody accounts of their usernames

KARKAT: STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS!

KARKAT: MY EXPLOITS ARE HEROIC. GO ABSOLUTELY FUCK YOURSELF.

DAVE: karkat shoosh

DAVE: im so proud of you

DAVE: couldnt have done better myself

DAVE: well i mean i definitely could have but i have better things to do with my time

KARKAT: THANK YOU DAVE. THAT WAS HEARTWARMING AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING. CONSIDER MY HONOR UNDENIABLY DEFENDED.

JADE: actually karkat its more like youre the one defending HIS honor

JADE: thats sooooo cute.... a knight whiteknighting for another knight

JADE: dave its like karkats your adorable little house husband!!!

DAVE: uhhhh

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS A HUSBAND?

DAVE: er

JADE: a husband....

JADE: a husband is a little like what you both do already

JADE: only with....... certain “benefits” :)

KARKAT: WH... WHAT KIND OF BENEFITS

JADE: heheh dont play dumb karkat

DAVE: jade dude cmon

DAVE: leave him alone

JADE: if youre really that clueless.... i can show you....

JADE: OW!!!!

JADE: karkat what the HELL!

KARKAT: WHAT THE HELL??

KARKAT: YOU’RE SERIOUSLY ASKING *ME* WHAT THE *HELL*!?!?!?

KARKAT: JADE, YOU WERE TRYING TO CHOKE ME TO DEATH WITH YOUR WEIRD, SOFT HUMAN FINGERS! WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO? REACH INTO MY CHEST AND PULL OUT MY FUCKING PUMP BISCUIT FOR A MIDDAY SNACK?

KARKAT: IS THIS BECAUSE YOU’RE HALF BARKBEAST NOW?

JADE: NO!!!!!!

JADE: i was FLIRTING you dummy!

JADE: oh my GOD you two really are hopeless!

JADE: why do i even WASTE my TIME???

KARKAT: THAT’S A GOOD FUCKING QUESTION!

DAVE: so apropos of nothing

DAVE: just a cool segue into a completely different topic for no reason

DAVE: did you guys hear that jane was gonna run for high office

KARKAT: NO FUCKING WAY

JADE: oh wow

KARKAT: YOU MEAN...

DAVE: yep

DAVE: the fucking presidency of earth c

JADE: i mean shes been positioning her megacorp and stocks in a way that looked SUPER suspicious the last year or so, so id wondered about it

JADE: but i didnt think shed actually do it!

DAVE: nah she was totally gonna pull the trigger on it after all these years but decided against it at the last minute for some reason

KARKAT: THANK FUCKING GOD. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A COMPLETE DISASTER.

DAVE: i know right thats what i said when roxy told me

DAVE: especially for the economy

KARKAT: REALLY. THE ECONOMY. THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK IS BAD ABOUT IT?

DAVE: oh yeah and the troll thing is bad too i guess

KARKAT: OK, SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOUR PRIORITIES ARE: NUMBER ONE, THE ECONOMY, WHICH LET ME REMIND YOU IS BUILT ENTIRELY ON INFINITE, FAKE MONEY THAT WE CAN MAKE AS MUCH OF AS WE WANT.

KARKAT: NUMBER TWO, THE POTENTIAL GENOCIDE OF MY PEOPLE.

DAVE: ok wow

DAVE: lets like

DAVE: slow our roll here

DAVE: lets slow any roll that makes me seem more xenophobic than i am ok

KARKAT: WHATEVER YOU SAY, DAVE “NOT XENOPHOBIC” STRIDER.

DAVE: thats good

DAVE: lets keep using the phrase not xenophobic in sentences that contain my name

KARKAT: SURE MAN. THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE SOMETHING A XENOPHOBE SHITHEAD WOULD SAY AT ALL.

DAVE: look im not the bad guy here

DAVE: jane is

DAVE: or... was

DAVE: until she decided not to run for president

DAVE: lets all just thank whichever christ was responsible for making whatever decision resulted in her deciding not to do that

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, XENOPHOBE.

DAVE: no look

DAVE: ill be the first to say that jane is xenophobic as fuck

DAVE: im not

DAVE: like at ALL?

DAVE: but she is

KARKAT: OK DUDE

DAVE: but i dont think shed go so far as to commit genocide

DAVE: thats really exaggerating her faults

DAVE: like wed have to get pretty far away from the people we were when we started all this for that to be a viable outcome

JADE: hmmm

JADE: well i hope she gets a better hobby

JADE: there are a lot of less ominous things she could do with her time

KARKAT: WHAT, LIKE FUCKING HER WAY THROUGH HALF THE POPULATION OF EARTH C?

JADE: get fucked karkat

[thatrandomventblog]

it just sucks so much. i want so badly to put my full weight on people but also im so scared ill hurt or break someone. knowing my dumbass i would and then id be miserable cuse hurting people isnt me. all i ever want to do it help thats all. sometimes it doesnt matter how as long as that person is feeling better. sometimes i feel like im drowing and the only way anything stops hurting is to soothe another whos hurting which never made any fucking sense to me but then again ive always been told ive been drawn to lost souls. maybe im meant to help others and nothing more. maybe im just not meant to really do anything important for the world. i want so badly to be a light for others so i joke and i help and i try and try and try. i get nowhere tho. and i dont know why. i never feel like i actually help someone and im constantly so fucking nervous of saying something wrong and hurting someone on accident and just fucking it up cuse its all ive done my whole life. fuck things up. my birth was a fuck up. i fucked up every day as a kid. i fuck up every day now. i never thought id make it to highschool but now im here. im here living when i thought id be dead. i keep changing myself to fit in better. so people will like me more. ive given up on reading, something ive done since i was ten constantly, reading books and getting lost in them. now i can barely pick one up. i just cant. last year i completely lost my motivation to get better in art. i failed so much. underage drinking led to parents mistrust. but it didnt matter that i was forced to it. i can vaugely recall that night and i keep thinking if it was my fault of theirs. the person who forced me. i guess it should be mine, considering as how im the one who eventually gave in. i cant eat fish anymore cuse the smell makes me think of times id rather forget. sometimes i doubt i could ever be with a girl sexually cuse of it. i keep trying so hard to let things fall into the past. it never seems to matter tho. one way or another they come back. they come back and i feel sick all over. memories of a vaccum getting thrown or of doors slamming haunt me. nothing i do shakes it. i feel like im drowing. i cant climb out of the hell hole im in. i think it should be that way. i do deserve it. im the fucking eldest how tf did i ever let myself be so fucking weak? but it dont matter anymore. im just kind of another dust in the wind. and i know. its always the same issue. but honestly? this household fucking sucks some days. and some days i wish that knife actually hit me. some days im thankful that at least i gotta meet the people i did. siblings keep telling me im lance mcclain irl, and that hits hard. i laugh my pain away until my chest feels compressed. i let just enough steam off so that i dont blow. just so that im not dying while smiling entirely. mom and dad ive tried talking to. it doesnt matter that im hallucinating anymore. it fucking hurts tho. i see things but not really. like its there in glimpses and sometimes there in wholes. but it doesnt matter. as of late im starting to think its a possibility that its ptsd triggered, but the thought of having ptsd makes me feel so fucking shitty. i shouldnt have it. at all. nothing ive been through has been enough (in my opinion) to actually make me have it. but i guess what i got is what i got. some days i feel like its an unfair hand. others i feel like its the hand i deserve. idk anymore.

[goremet-chef]

i think like. posting art on twitter has given me a specific complex or like. thought process that doesnt apply here and im trying to get used to it (ramble/vent-ish)

i only ever seem to find the motivation to draw like. at night. MOST OF THE TIME im drawing at night, ill finish shit at 1, 2, 3 am but i have to gamble with something

i prefer to post when im done, it feels good to create something and then send it off for anyone to see, but if you dont post it at like. day time, or a time where more people are awake, no ones gonna see it!!! not even yr most active supportive moots and friends like they just will not see it and it wont get much interaction. i feel like prime interaction hours are when its posted and then after that it trails off and everyones done. and it feels kind of sad when you worked really hard on a piece and it looks like no one liked it

but here, its not like that. shit gets likes for like. ever SKJFS

there is no time frame for when people will appreciate yr work, theres not really a feeling of risk when i post at night because eventually someone will see it yknow? someone whos looking for it will see it and i like that a lot

i really sympathize with other artists who feel like that because like. art is my passion, i know this is the truth but i feel soo fucking superficial and gross thinking about like. the numbers of it all

but its not really wrong to want people to like what you make. i think everyone needs to feel appreciated, and some people only know how to get it from strangers online. i see a lot of people say like "ohh if yr an artist and you hate drawing or you only think about how many likes or you think you need to create content for others to like maybe reevaluate why yr an artist 🤨" but like. SOME PEOPLE CANT REALLY CHOOSE SKJFS i couldnt just stop drawing even though sometimes it makes me miserable, because drawing is my only talent, yknow? its wired into my DNA at this point. its a lot deeper than just "oh if its making you feel bad then stop" 💀💀 if i stopped id feel even worse bestie

idk i think its something that most people think about honestly? its like a majority case but its been pushed into being something that makes you a bad person, despite the fact that everyone loves validation on the internet. if you actively seek it, yr shallow and just want attention and that makes you one of the 'bad artists' because you want recognition for yr work

idk its just kinda messed up. like everyone wants those things, if im creating i shouldnt feel guilty for liking when the numbers go up, yknow? but its something i see so much? its so weird bro. its one of those things i believe LOTS of people experience/feel, but are too ashamed to ever let anyone know they feel it, even if its not really harmful

like i agree with the sentiment that "you should draw for you" 100% but some people arent really. SECURE about their art, style or composition or WHATEVER. i dont need me to tell me i did a good job, id prefer someone else do it ksjfsf that can be said for a lot of other people too. like not everyone needs that, but some people do need that and its not some heinous art crime for wanting even a little recognition? IDK MAN its weird

[lordacex]

The greedy demon and a Chihuahua

Part 2

Character : mammon and Luke

Bad English btw

.

.

.

"where are we going??" Luke is a bit scared at the fact he just follow mams into his car and now mams is bringing him to place he don't know... Mams won't eat him right?? Sure some angel told him demon eat soul but mams won't do that right?? Right??

After what feel like years the car stop at some place.. it was full of a light..

"A arcade?? Demon arcade?? What are we gonna do here??" Luke was confused but he keep looking at the place It was huge and there bunch of demon and witch there some that look like they are in his age...

Mams knock on the glass and ask Luke if he coming

Luke get out form the car and ask him what they are doing here..?

"what else? We gonna enjoy some arcade stuff It gonna be fun c'mon " [Mams]

"but I never-" [Luke]

"is fineeee I been here with my brother before. I know what to do Ya trust me ok?" Mams took Luke hand and walk inside.. it was quite loud in the place since is school Holliday but everyone was having so much fun... For no reason it made Luke feel excited

"What ya wanna play first there a lot of stuff here??" [Mams]

"P-play?? But mams... I uh I don't know how to play or-" [Luke]

"ah I see...Hmm then why don't we try that? C'mon" Mams took Luke hand again and told Luke to try a fighting game.

Mams insert the coin and the game start Ofc Luke start panicking cuz he don't know what to do.. he push a button and the character kick the other characters...he didn't know what he does but he guess the button made the character kick the other characters... He start pushing random button and moving the Character around...he was kinda having fun though his character die and he hear mams laughing at him.. he thought mams was gonna made fun of him but he got a smoll head pat instead

"ya did pretty good for starter why don't ya try again?" [Mams]

Mams insert a coin again and this time Luke know what he doing so He somehow win the fight...he turn around and he look at Mams with a sparkling happy face and mams couldn't help but laugh at how cute he look like

After that mams took him to play bunch of game in the arcade. Luke was so good at it he learn so fast and Everytime he won a game Mams gave him a head pat for some reason the head pat made him feel so happy and warm inside...they were having a pretty good moment

.

.

"Luke ya was so cool today yknow? Ya play the all game like a pro I never know ya have a talent in playing video game" [Mams]

"O-of course I'm good at this. I can do a lot of other stuff this is Just small thing" Luke was so proud and happy he forgot about all problem

Mams couldn't help but smile today was really fun.

They were walking in the arcade and then something caught Luke eye ....a photo booth

Mams just look at what Luke was looking at "ya wanna go there??"

"w-what?? No I just looking at i-" before Luke could finish his word Mams already pull his hand again

"oh c'mon It gonna be nice"

Luke just decide to follow him with a smile

Luke sit in there while Mams put some moneh in the machine

.

.

Mams put his hand on Luke shoulder and smile and Luke just give out a awkward little smile

(art not mine I go this form picrew // Luke look weird because i create it using memory lmfao)

.

.

"woah it come out pretty nice" Mams look at the pic and gave it to Luke

Luke just stare at the pic. He feel happy..few hour ago he thought this was the worse day and now he couldn't even stop smiling

"ya can keep that one" [Mams]

"huh.?" [Luke]

"there two of it If ya don't want ya can just throw it away" [Mams]

"N-no I- I uh Iwillkeepit..." [Luke]

"pfft Aight then" [Mams]

"A-anyway I should go now... I think Simeon is probably worry about me" [Luke]

"Is fine I text him while I was driving and tell him ya with me so he won't be mad" [Mams]

"Wha- You did that? I- uh" Luke was feeling happy Mams was so nice to him And he doesn't even know why

"Y-you shouldnt text while driving that dangerous" Luke decide to look away to hide his visible happiness

Mams just smile and pat his head "Hehe don't worry I'm a good driver anyway"

"Yea but something can happen anyway....Hey Mams To-" He stop when he realize he say mams instead of mammon

Mams just laugh at him cuz he can literally read Luke face rn "C'mon spit it out ya can call me mams"

"I- uh N-no We-we a- akanaksmssm" Oh man Mams broke him (😀👌)

"pfft c'mon Luke I stop calling ya Chihuahua if ya just call me mams without feeling embarrass Ya can even call me big brother" Mams just laugh at himself while Luke just look away being hella shy

.

.

.

Finally they decide to go home since it already late

Luke still don't look at Mams Because he was embarrass about what happen before... Suddenly he feel something soft on his head

A Small dog plushie??

"ya can stop being embarrass now... Btw I found that in a claw machine and thought ya mind like it...it just look like ya anyway" [Mams]

"why are you being so nice to me..?" Luke have been waiting to ask that and finally he have a courage to spit it out

"I don't know...I guess seeing ya sad made me feel kinda sad too? Ya kinda remind me of my little brother And I don't like seeing them sad.." [Mams]

"sooo You tell me I can call you brother cause I remind you to your little brother...?" [Luke]

"not really...I mean I always let ppl see me as their brother figure Even though I'm not really a good brother" Mams take a long painful deep breath

"Oh...Well I think you aren't really that bad..You are a good brother a cool one too.." [Luke]

"Ya think so? " [Mams]

"Ye-yea I mean You are always there for your siblings and even though we rarely speak to each other you still take me somewhere fun..If I ever want a brother I probably would want a brother like you..even if you are a bit annoying..." Luke look at Mams and he realize mams look like he gonna cry

"h-heh sorry this is a bit embarrassing but what ya say kinda made me happy..Well since ya already say that I guess for this day on I will be ya big bro hehe" Mams was smirking and Luke just look at him

"D-do whatever ya want I don't care........T-thx for today" [Luke]

"ya welcome" [Mams]

.

.

.

Mammon drop Luke at His place and Luke was not sure if he want to go in but suddenly Simeon come out form the door and run to Luke hugging him

"oh Luke I was so worry pls don't run just like that again" [Simeon]

"I- u-uh I'm sorry.." Luke eye start flooding with tear again

"is ok I'm sorry too c'mon let's go.." [Simeon]

"O-ok" Luke look at Mams and give him a small wave

"Thx for taking care of him Mammon Thx goodness nothing happen" [Simeon]

"ya don't need to thx me...Ya should just go and talk to him" [Mams]

"...well then Pls go home safely" [Simeon]

"Yea sure.."

And just like that mammon drive away straight to his home..

To be continue....

.

.

.

BAHAHHAHAHA MY HAND HURR 😀💅💅💅

Part 3 soon