#STOP MAKING JUMANJI

[verysharpfish]

why the fuck do they just keep making jumanji again. my brother in christ they made jumanji. twice.

[sunburstsandmoonshadows]

a bunch of normal people getting jumanji'd/isekai'd into an action movie where they get to live out their 80s ultraviolence fantasies is SUCH a good set-up im so excited

also the story board animations showing off what happens?? what the hell. i love it. i hope it's part of the show and not just for the trailer

[flamedoesart]

the difference between the minecraft movie vs the lego movie, sonic movies, fnaf movie (and to a smaller extent, the mario bros movie) is that the minecraft movie feels like it was made to draw in a profit, with little regard for the fans or the creators who made it popular. the other four were, with special references and genuinely good ideas. hell, paramount spent an additional four months to change sonic's design because the original one was so bad that the fans demanded a change.

movies based on pre-existing media are better if people who genuinely enjoy said media is working on it. the lego movie is a special case of this, because it perfectly emulated the old youtube stop-motion style of legos while including good animation and a fun story.

with the minecraft movie, i promise i want to enjoy it but it seems like they're trying way too hard to emulate the jumanji format, with humans entering a game. it doesn't fit. what also doesn't fit is casting jack black as steve. it's a casting choice that reminds me of will smith as deadshot from Suicide Squad. jack black isn't playing steve, he's playing himself.

in my opinion the style of the minecraft movie could've gone a couple ways, used a polished version of the youtube animations of minecraft that have been used since forever, use a 2D animation style that resembles minecraft, or used a completely and fully live action minecraft with a shitload of practical effects to make it look cool. anything other than combining cgi and real actors.

but that's just my take on it lmao.

[mundaneskeleperson]

I feel like all the hate on Jimmy has, ironically, morphed into an obsession with him.

You don’t see Jimmy in a post that has the rest of the crew of the Tulpar, and everyone says “thanks for excluding Jimmy” - “good job not drawing Jambalaya” - etc., and when you do see him in a post it’s all “I’m sorry you had to draw Jimmy”. He gets a large wave of mentions on a post either way.

The large variety of nicknames and their use are also starting to paradoxically seem like actual friendly goofy nicknames instead of bullying. I get that people claim to do that in hatred of Jimmy, but I think people have so much fun making them that they get excited to try out a new nickname and therefore get excited to talk about Jimmy.

I’ve seen him called Jimbob, J, J*mmy, Junkyard, Jenga, Jorts, Jambalaya, Jabortion, P. Jiddy, J. Diddy, Jiminy Cricket, Jimmychanga, Jidiot, Juxtaposition, Jar-Jar, Jumanji, Germy, the list goes on further than I could write.

I’m not making this as some sort of callout post saying people are wrong for doing this and should stop, because I am also guilty of it.

I just had the epiphany that it’s ironic how much attention and focus Jimmy gets despite how much people hate him. It feels antithetical to that message of hate everybody’s comments seem to put out. Something like, “if we really want to punish him, shouldn’t we let him be forgotten?”

Nonetheless, I really think Jimmy is a very interesting character who should be studied, discussed, and yeah ridiculed. A lot of what makes Mouthwashing so insane mind-openingly good to me is its use of a not immediately apparent unreliable narrator, which is Jimmy. He challenges the notion that the protagonist is good and correct all the time. It shows the delusional mindset people like him have, which I think was really cleverly shown in the rant with all the quest popups coming up and Jimmy yelling about how burdened and put upon he is by all the requests he has to put up with. It suggests that maybe Mouthwashing isn’t structured like a game because that’s the medium, but rather because Jimmy thinks of himself like a video game hero: the main character enduring trials who’s in the right and just misunderstood. This mindset allows for a lot of “doing what ‘must’ be done” actions, which is apparent from the very first action of the game, where you are prompted “turn right” and nothing else in the face of a screen saying to go left to avoid a crash. As a player, there’s no other way to progress the game than to do the horrible things Jimmy does, and I think that’s symbolic of how Jimmy sees his actions too.

The nuance to how horrible a person Jimmy is mixed with a perspective that tries to justify his side of things makes for a really interesting story to analyze and shows how actual people can become like that in real life. Seeing “his side of things” ultimately doesn’t absolve him of what he did, but I feel like it provides opportunities for some people to try and defend him with that, which once again mirrors how in real life people try to argue that “we just haven’t seen this terrible guy’s side of things!” and may advocate for him when they think there’s some tragic backstory missing. Sometimes it’s just about the deeds that were ultimately done.

I just think if people get over fake excluding Jimmy some really good analyses and fan works could be made about the deeper parts of Mouthwashing without still glorifying Jimmy or whatever

This has really gone of the rails but I think I meant most of what I said.

[dipperscavern]

'Tis the chonk, back it again. The brain worms, man. They never stop.

So, I'm in the Dragon Age fandom, a fantasy game if you didn't know, and a fairly common fanfic trope is MGIT, which stands for Modern Girl in Thedas. Basically, present day reader magically being transported into the world of Dragon Age.

I'm thinking, Modern Girl in Westeros? Eh? Gen Z reader magically being transported to ASOIAF and is like, "Queen Daenerys is serving cunt today," and gets fucking burnt to a crisp because everyone thought she was calling her a cunt.

Imagine if we were on some Deadpool shit and just wouldn't fucking die. Breaking the fourth wall and shit. Making references literally no one would understand.

Reader calls Joffrey a twink and gets fucking beheaded.

GEN Z READERREERRRRR!!!

gen z reader getting magically transported to asioaf on some jumanji shit.. waking up as a tyrell/baratheon/lannister/stark/arryn/targaryen etc. being so culture shocked & panicking because you don’t know how to sew? how to speak properly in this time period?

you spend what little time you have alone worrying. of course, eventually, you’re called to perform and act naturally, as a lady should. you don’t know how, but it’s like you have two different mindsets. in your mind, you think regularly. well — as regular as modern gen z can get.

— a girl is in a beautiful dress? who is this DIVA

— a man gets beheaded? he forgot to thank beyoncé

— someone says they aren’t hungry at a feast? should we call bella hadid

but it comes out of your mouth as

— “I beg pardon, I don’t believe we’ve met. Your dress is lovely.”

— “May the gods have mercy on his soul.”

— “Are you feeling ill, my lady?”

and when needed, you do know how to sew. you know all the customs, how to properly address people, how to braid your hair, which utensils are used for what in dining. all while useful & allowing you to blend in, these are the least of your worries.

war is coming, you know it is, but now you’re in the midst of it. and alike a bloodraven, you know everything that’s going to happen before it happens. which also means you have a chance to change the outcome.

[lowkeiloki]

Could there be a good minecraft movie?

From the look of the trailer, it seems like the movie is gonna get every single thing it could possibly get wrong. They dont have faith in their audience to understand a plot taking place in a world so different from our own, so they go with the isekai plot, the single laziest direction they couldve taken.

But what would a good minecraft movie look like? It would be hard to pull off, but not impossible.

Firstly, most of us can all agree that a minecraft movie should not be live action, its a heavily stylized game and the real people in it look ridiculously out of place. the movie should stay fully animated and not overly detailed. Personally, i think the movie could look great in stop motion. Stop motion can really bring out the combination of cozy and spooky feeling that minecraft has.

what about the plot?

Minecraft is a very quiet and atmospheric game, there is no dialogue, everybody communicates, but nobody talks including steve. It's a sandbox game, because it lets you build and terraform and shape the world as you want and move towards the end goal at your own pace (if youre interested in completing the end goal at all). But also because throughout the game you're given bits and pieces of lore and you're the one to put them together to how you see them. Why are endermen hurt by water? What are creepers? Why are piglins so stingy about gold? Who built the pyramids and monuments? You don't get the answer, it's up to your own interpretation. Going back to the movie, it really should be low on dialogue. Steve could narrate the movie, but he never talks (like Spirit from "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron). He sees an enderman and makes eye contact qith it which aggrevates it, he doesnt know why it aggrevated it, but from that experience he learns not to do that anymore and manages to co exist peacefully with them. If anyone talked in that movie, it should be alex (if shes even in the movie), but she doesnt talk a lot and nobody understands her language but steve who cant talk back. Communication is done through body language and actions, the visuals and the music (and i mean minecraft music) primarely tell the story.

What would it be about tho?

When we begin to play minecraft, we're thrown into the world with no manual or instructions, we're on our own empty handed, we go through the world learning how to craft, what to do with new items we find, which mobs are our allies and which our foes. I remember playing minecraft for the first time (actually quite recently, sometime after the nether update) and i was so confused and stressed because i had no idea what i was supposed to be doing, everything was strange and foregin and there was no guide on what to do. But as i got the hang ot it, as i started exploring and gathering materials and building my base it soon became fun and relaxing. The further i went, the more confident i felt. This is what the movie should be about. Being in this unknown world without anyone to guide you and the only way forward is to try and fail and try again and face the unfamiliar and get to know your surroundings. It should be about facing the fear of unknown, letting yourself fail, breaching out of the comfort zone, not finding your place in the world, but building it. It doesn't have to end with slaying the dragon, it can end with steve realizing he is not afraid anymore, that he has what he needs to feel comfortable and all the confidence to go forward. I feel like a lot of people that grew up with minecraft as kids are now young adults and a movie about being placed in a new environmemt where you're the one to take care of yourself and nobody guides you by hand would reasonate with them quite a lot

but, you know, i'm sure another jumanji clone with jack black starring as jack black in blue shirt will do the trick just as well.

[elias-magnusnt]

your Archivist is cute I wanna put him in the washing machine

So true I want to put him in the washing machine too and in the dishwasher and I want to vacuum him and put him in the beach that makes you old and microwave him and examine him under a microscope and in a slow cooker and in a cardboard box and in the submarine that exploded and lobotomize him and put him in a dumpster and in a children's book about spiders and I want to sautée him with shrimps and scan save as pdf and print him and peel off his skin and sharpen him like a crayon and roast him like a marshmellow and keep him in a drawer and in the boot of my car and in a termite nest and I want to make him small and crush him with my thumb and beat him with a pipe like a pinata conserve him in resin and squeeze him like play-doh and set a pack of wolves on him I hope he gets the plague and pasteurize him and in an active volcano and in the freezer and I want to chew on him and dangle him off a cliff and I want to flatten him and put him in the fresh produce aisle and the clown shoes shop and in a plastic bag and make him live in a sock and in a letter straight to australia and leave him at the bottom of the ocean and in a cat cafe and nail him to the cross and play him in an organ and turn him into a scarecrow or a tree and wrap him up in scotch tape and drop a meteorite on him and play him on repeat like a cd and make him soup and solve him like a rubic's cube and write with his blood and pickle him like a cucumber and put him in a jar and shake it and in an open grave and in a meat grinder pluck him out with tweezers juice him like a tangerine throw him in the Boston Harbor as protest and punt him into the sun and in the polar bear enclosure and in the dashcon ball pit and he should be at the club and I want to wrung him like a cloth and leave him to hang I want to make marmalade out of him I want to shove him in the merry go round that never stops and make him bald I want him to get eaten by a giant whale and fall in a coma and put him in a canon and I want to trap him in a computer I want to strap him to a rocket I want to jumanji him throw him to the yellow door and run him over with a tank and stick him in a tape recorder and put him in a Situation and and and and and

Whew, I'm glad I got this out of my system

[sk8echo]

Stop saying the Minecraft movie is just for kids. Kids deserve better.

I am genuinely infuriated at the amount of people defending the Minecraft movie with "well, its made for kids." That's not an excuse!!! Ever!!! Do you all think kids aren't capable of understanding deeper themes? They can't understand emotions? Do you really want to teach a kid they deserve only garbage media until they're older?

"Well, my kid liked it" ok cool. That's not actually my point. People can like what they want. My point is that kids deserve better. Every time some low effort slop gets released, people dismiss it with "its for kids." Its the inherent idea that kids deserve less that bothers me. Why don't kids deserve more? Why is making garbage for kids ok, but not for adults? Is it because... maybe... you value kids minds less? A stupid little kid could never understand the deeper meanings of Minecraft like creativity, valuing the world around you, and realizing how you have the power to shape yourself.

Because that's what Minecraft is about. Its not some goofy ass Jumanji rip off. You make your experience in Minecraft. You can become a miner, a builder, an explorer, a redstone engineer... its your world. I loved finding new things in Minecraft. The awe of seeing my first pink sheep. The fear of the deep dark. The wonder of a massive ravine. The accomplishment of crossing a whole sea. That's what Minecraft is about.

And it breaks my heart we got this instead. Plenty of adults play Minecraft, too. But in a big company's eyes, video games are for dumb children who don't know garbage from gold. Minecraft deserved better than this. I know the movie isn't out yet, but the trailer said enough.

[deobienthusiast]

the phantom thief | syj

• pairing: son youngjae (the boyz) x reader

• word count: 5.4k words

• genre: fluff, teeny tiny bit of angst if you SQUINT, jumanji!au, video game character!eric, strangers to lovers!au

• rating: PG

• warnings: some curse words, some sad eric, some sad reader

• notes: this is going to be similar to jumanji. not the same story line but you know, getting sucked into a game and having to complete it to find your way out

• tagging: @deoboyznet! ALSO THANK YOU TO ERIC’s SOULMATE @sohnric and @juyeonszn FOR BOTH BETA READING FOR ME AND REASSURING ME THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY GOOD ! LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH🥹🥹🥹 AND BANNER BY @itsmeas 🤍🤍🤍🤍

You felt yourself groan for what had to have been the millionth time. It was the last few days of summer break, the last few days of freedom, and you were stuck in a small town to sit at an arcade all day with your family. Don’t get it twisted. You loved your family, but you would have rather spent the last few days of summer break with friends, not babysitting your brother and his annoying friends. Your mother was with you, but her head was in a different place. She was too engrossed in the facebook drama on her phone to even bother watching him.

When she heard you groan, she brought her phone down. Laying it on the table, she reached into her purse and pulled out some loose change.

Handing it to you, she spoke. “Go find something to do. I’ll watch them.”

You look at the quarters in your hand as you roll your eyes. What could you possibly find to do with a roll of quarters? Heading towards the game area, you dipped and dodged the annoying little kids that were running around as you eyed the different types of games.

Air Hockey? Ew. Pac-man? Old. All the games were boring you. Continuing to walk around the different games, you noticed a cracked door. You looked around at everyone. They were mainly distracted by all the kids running around. Parents keeping kids from breaking games, and workers wiping pizza grease and sticky soda off the joysticks and screens of games.

You took the opportunity to head for the door, slipping past it and shutting it behind you before stopping. In the back of the almost empty room was a dark, dusty game. It was built like the pac-man game, but hidden towards the back of the room. You noticed the plug laying on the ground as you reached for it, sticking it into the outlet. The room lit up in purples, teals, and greens as the machine came to life.

A small smile made its way to your face as you let your hands graze the old machine. The buttons were chipped, paint peeling, pictures faded, and the screen had a crack in it at the very top corner. The title popped across the screen in bright colorful letters as you read it outloud.

“The Phantom Thief.” You said.

The room was quiet besides the music that was softly resonating from the machine under your hands. A black box popped up on screen as it gave you a background story.

“Wayward within the kingdom lives a crooked worker of the royal family. He strikes at night, and he has earned the nickname the phantom thief. Help the thief steal the King’s prized possession, his royal pendant crown. Or help the guards catch the thief. Try to attempt it in the fastest time possible? Which fate will you choose?” You read quietly.

Looking behind you, you checked the door quickly before taking off the jacket you were wearing. You stick your jacket on the floor, covering the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor before getting up and walking back over to the game. You clicked on the phantom thief character before taking another quick look around the empty room. You turned back around to stare at the screen, the colorful background mesmerizing, as your hand hovered over the start button. You let your fingers run over the worn out button as it lit up, making your fingers jolt.

You jumped at the feeling. A laugh blew past your lips as you pushed the button. The game practically came to life as you watched your hand disappear right before your eyes. The scream you let out reverberated farther than you thought as the room went black.

It suddenly felt very cold, too cold to be air conditioning as you stand. You felt a burning sensation on your face as you brought your hand up to rub. You felt fresh scratch marks as you looked around. The bare trees rattled you as you took in your surroundings. The area was quiet as called out.

“Hello?” You said loudly.

The sound of your voice disappeared in the night as you squinted slightly. How did you get outside? Where was the arcade? Where was your brother? And damn it, why the hell did you take your coat off? You started to walk, hugging yourself to keep warm, as you looked at all the trees. You felt like you were stuck in a forest as you walked.

When you passed the same tree for what seemed like the third time, you let out a whimper.

“Keep walking.” You heard from behind you as you went to scream.

The voice you heard wrapped a hand around your head, covering your mouth as he spoke.

“Don’t scream! Don’t scream or they will find us.” The voice said.

You got pulled behind a ledge as you heard yelling in the distance.

“Search the perimeter! They are around here somewhere!” Another voice said.

A trotting sound grew closer than distanced itself as you heard it multiple times. When it was quiet, you turned around to face a mischievous smile. He pulled his hand away from your mouth as you opened yours again.

He panicked, speaking quickly. “Please don’t scream!”

“Who are you?” You asked softly.

“I’m Eric. I’m the character you picked.” He told you happily.

Shaking your head, you spoke. “What? What character?”

Eric snickered. “From the game, silly! The Phantom Thief.”

He pointed at himself, his mischievous grin growing like the Cheshire cats. “That’s me.”

“Wait, character? I-,I’m in the game.” You asked him.

He nodded. His face was visible to you in the darkness. “Yes ma’am.”

You smiled slightly at his tone. “How do you know you’re a game character?”

Eric laughed. “Oh yeah! I guess you could say you aren’t the only person to visit us. A lot meet me on the other side though.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you say up. “What do you mean on the other side?”

The boy shrugged. “People never choose me. It’s always the King’s men. I don’t understand why.”

He started to pout. “It’s not like I’m a bad person. They just like to be on the side of justice for some reason.”

You couldn’t help but breathlessly laugh at his statement. “Maybe it’s because people don’t want to get in trouble.”

“But that’s the fun part! The risk! Knowing that you could get in trouble is only half of it. It’s the thrill of the run.” Eric said before stopping. “Now, we need to get a move on. They’ve widened their search, leaving the castle exposed.”

He took a peek from behind the ledge before standing up. Reaching down for your hand, he gently pulled you up as he took off. You stumbled slightly, having trouble keeping up with all of his endless energy as he whipped and whirled his way through the array of trees. You could see two lights becoming more prominent as he continued to pull you.

As the lights got closer, you heard galloping as you yanked Eric as hard as you could. He jolted backwards before being pulled into a pile of leaves, surrounded by a whole bunch of trees. Eric went to speak as you covered his mouth.

“How am I the newbie, and you are almost about to get caught?” You asked.

You could feel Eric’s grin burning into your hand as he spoke. “Good choice. Most people choose to keep running.”

You felt goosebumps arise as you pulled away from him. “You knew this would happen?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t know which decision you would make, but I knew the first decision was coming up. I told you. I’m a part of the game, remember?”

Eric sat up, prompting you to move off of him as he stood up, dusting himself off. “There will be quite a few decisions that will be left up to you to make. Choose wisely, and you’ll be able to steal the crown.”

The statement he gave you made you shudder as it sounded too much like a computer given answer rather than his own statement.

“Right, well. We should keep moving.” You told the boy, making him nod.

He peeked out from the pile you both had fallen into as he motioned for you to follow him. He kept the both of you hidden from the lights as he followed the pathway towards the castle.

“In the introduction, it says you work for the royal family.” You said softly.

Eric chuckled, looking back at you to give you a grin. “Aren’t I just the worst?”

You giggled as you both continued to walk. You were surprised at how easily you were moving through before Eric stopped.

He looked at you expectantly, almost waiting for you to do something as you gave him a look.

“What?”

“What do we do now?”

You scoffed. “You’re the one who does this for a living. You tell me.”

Eric shook his head. “That’s not how games work. Characters do what you want them to do.”

Not understanding, you looked forward and noticed a gate.

“A gate? What do we need to unlock it?” You asked.

Eric shrugged. “You tell me? Unlocking would risk wasting time and getting caught. The gate, however, is quite old. That means that trying to jump would risk making a lot of noise.”

“Well jumping it is what we’ll have to do because I don’t have anything to pick the lock with.” You told the boy.

He looked you up and down before taking a step towards you. Your eyes widened as he leaned into you, his nose inches from yours as he spoke.

“What’s that?” He asked curiously.

Your eyes drifted upwards, following to where his index finger was pointed and you let your hand drift upwards. Your hand ran over your hair before feeling something.

“My goodness, Eric, you're a genius!” You said happily.

The boy scrunched up his face in confusion as you pulled the bobby pin that was in your hair out of your head. Grabbing his hand, you pulled the boy towards the gate, opening the bobby pin in the process.

“Um, you still never told me what it is.” Eric said softly as he watched you mess with the lock on the gate.

“It’s a bobby pin.” You told him quietly.

He watched you mess with the lock, sticking the foreign object in it and wiggling it around.

“What is a bobby pin?” Eric asked.

You felt yourself laugh as you spoke. “A very helpful tool for people with hair that doesn’t want to cooperate.”

Eric leaned over slightly to get a better look at it as he spoke again. “It looks dangerous.”

You shrugged. “Ehh. Depends.”

You heard a click as you smiled at Eric victoriously. His eyes widened as you slowly pushed the gate open. It creaked slightly, making you stop with a wince before continuing. The gate was opened enough for the both of you to slip in as Eric closed it behind him.

You put the bobby pin back in your hair as Eric looked at you.

“What?”

“You’re the first person to choose picking the lock. It’s the easiest one and the percentage of getting the crown is higher when you pick it.” Eric said in awe.

“Don’t seem so surprised. It’s not the first time I’ve picked a lock.” You told the boy.

You picked back up, walking up the walkway of the castle as you looked over the large building. It was sort of old, but still very extravagant. Decorated to the nines with beautiful sculptures and busts. Beautiful bushels of flowers surrounded both sides of the lane way.

“Pansies.” Eric told you as you looked at them.

The colors almost sparkled under the moonlight as you spoke.

“Shouldn’t they be dead? I mean, it’s kind of freezing out here.” You said quietly.

This caught Eric’s attention as he took off the jacket he was wearing, wrapping it around your body. You felt your cheeks heat up as Eric continued on like he didn’t just do something to make you embarrassed.

“That’s why they picked this flower. They are able to survive the harshest of winters. Though I have to admit, this winter has been particularly cold.” Eric said.

You chuckled. “Funny, because outside the game, in the real world, the summer has been insanely hot. We’ve hit record-breaking temperatures.”

Eric smiled. “Maybe that’s why it’s been so cold.”

You smiled with him as you both continued to walk the pathway. The castle doors were drawing closer as you spoke again.

“This seems too easy.” You said.

“What does?”

“Just walking up the pathway to the castle. Am I about to just walk right through the doors?” You asked him.

Eric went to speak before you heard yelling.

“Check the castle ground, and make sure they didn’t break in!” Someone said as your eyes widened.

You looked at Eric who looked too calm in this situation as he spoke.

“You have your choice of the library window or the garden house. Though I will admit, there is the guard dog.” Eric said.

“Where? In the garden house?”

Eric shrugged.

“The library?”

He shrugged again, making you groan. “Where is the dog Eric?”

Eric through his hands up as you whined before spotting the garden house, you pulled him along through the grass, dodging statues before opening the garden house doors. Eric watched you pulled his jacket off and tie the doors shut as he looked at you with a smile.

“Excellent choice.” He told you.

You narrowed your eyes at the boy, a scowl decorating your face as you turned to look around. Beautiful plants were growing up the walls. Flowers covered to protect them from the cold looked as if they were waving due to the wind. A singular pane of glass at the top of the garden house was broken, allowing full moonlight to filter into the building. This allowed you to get a much better look at Eric.

He was handsome, that’s for sure. His hair was a deep purple color, almost burgundy with slight black highlights spread throughout. Eric wasn’t the tallest, but he was well built with the average height he was at. He had full lips and a prominent nose. An almost oval shaped head held all his features, and it came to a sawed off point at his chin. You would be lying if you were to say you weren’t attracted to him. You chalked it out to a school girl crush due to the fact that his smile made you feel like you had butterflies in your stomach.

“So, what goes on out there? You know, in the real world.” Eric asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

You both fell in stride as you made your way through the large garden house.

“Well it’s summer vacation right now. There’s like less than a week of it left, though.”

Eric’s nose scrunched up. “Summer vacation?”

You nodded. “Yeah. Like we have school from August to the first week of June. And then we have summer vacation until August. And then we repeat the whole cycle for the next 12 years.”

Eric looked at you, horrified. “That sounds awful. It sounds like a prison.”

You chuckled. “Something like that. You don’t have school here?”

Eric shrugged. “I don’t really know. I’ve only ever worked for the royal family.”

You nodded, remembering that he was just a character in a game. He didn’t know about any of this real world stuff.

“No one ever took the time to tell you about what goes on outside of here, have they?” You asked him quietly.

The thief shook his head. “Like I said, no one ever chooses me.”

His statement made you frown as your heart sank a little. He sounds so lonely.

You both continued on until you got to a cracked door at the front of the garden house. Eric held his hand up, stopping you as he took careful steps forward. His head poked outside the door, red hair blowing around in the wind as he looked around. When he was sure the coast was clear, he turned to you, holding out his hand with a nod. You let your hand fall into his as he led you back out into the night. You were now positioned towards the side of the castle as Eric pointed towards a staircase that led underground.

“Tunnels. We use them to deliver food, supplies, things like that. It’s safer than trying to do it in the open.” He told you.

“Too many thieves?” You asked jokingly.

Eric looked at you with a smirk. “Look who’s catching on.”

You both laughed as Eric continued to lead the way. You happened to notice that he was still holding your hand, showing no signs of letting it go. The sight made your heart jump as you held on tightly to him. When you got to the entrance of the staircase, Eric dropped your hand to grab a torch that was already lit. He led the way down the stairs, constantly looking behind him to not only check on you but make sure you weren’t tailed. The torch was the perfect light source for the both of you as you were able to only illuminate small portions of the tunnels as opposed to the entire tunnel. It felt like the temperature had dropped lower since you moved under the castle and you mentioned that to Eric.

“Is it normal for it to be even colder down here than it is above ground?”

You pulled the jacket Eric had given you tighter around your body as you waited for him to reply.

“There isn’t any heat to reach underground. So the tunnels always stay cold. It gets worse when it’s regularly cold out.” Eric whispered.

It felt the tunnels were never-ending before Eric stopped, the torch flame billowing in the wind slightly. He pointed to a wooden door as he looked at you.

“There.” He said softly, voice echoing off of the hollow walls of the underground tunnel.

You stepped forward as you looked at the door. “Is this where we enter?”

Eric shrugged. “That depends. This puts us at the far end of the castle which means we have to cover more ground indoors to get to the crown. If we continue to follow the tunnels then we’ll get closer to the King’s room. That holds all his most prized possessions, including the crown.”

You thought about what could be waiting for you if you went into the castle now, but being in a warm castle, unthawing seemed way better than freezing to death. Plus, you weren’t sure how much longer these tunnels were, and you weren’t willing to bet your life on it.

“Come on,” You waved to the boy as you gently pulled at the handle of the wood door.

Eric nodded, setting the torch in a holster on the wall next to the door. He pulled the door open more, stopping when it scraped against the gravel on the tunnel floor. He laid a hand on your lower back, slowly coaxing you forward first as he tried his best to quietly pull the door shut behind him. When the door closed, it echoed into the large empty room you had entered. You turned to give Eric a look as he shrunk down at your gaze.

“Sorry,” He whispered.

You shook your head slightly as you looked around, trying to see if you could figure out what room you were in. It was dark in the room. The moonlight coming through the window was reflecting off of multiple surfaces that looked shiny and almost metallic like.

“The kitchen.” You said to yourself.

Eric caught up to you and your cautious steps as he helped navigate you through the rather large kitchen.

“They barely use this.” He told you, noticing your curiosity in the appliances that looked brand new.

You scoffed. “Then why have a kitchen?”

Eric chuckled. “Something to look at.”

You turned to him as you smiled. He sounded so normal when he said that. Like he knew what he was saying, and wasn’t repeating what his character says. The glimpses of realness Eric was giving you made you happy. You wanted to know more, so you continued to press as you exited the large kitchen and into a hallway.

“How did you start working for this royal family?”

Eric shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve just always been here.”

You frowned. “Do you have a favorite food?”

“I eat bread when my health gets low. Does that count?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It was unreal how real he was in front of you, but how computerized he was on the inside. Eric didn’t seem to mind the questions nor was he bothered by his answers considering he barely got to move around anyway unless someone managed to play the game.

The hallway you two were in led down a long corridor to a split. You looked down both ways, seeing double doors down towards the end of the left side, and nothing but more hallway on the right side.

“Next choice.” Eric said softly.

You kept moving your head left and right, trying to figure out which way to go. Eventually you took the left path, looking back at Eric for confirmation. All he gave you was a smile as he let you lead the way. The walk to the double doors was short as you laid both hands on each door before pushing them open. The heavy wood stood still for a moment before peeling open, rather loudly. The moan of the doors opening reverberated off the empty walls making you cringe as you both walked in.

The room you were in was a bedroom. A large bed and dresser were up against the far wall with a large ceiling to floor window against the wall, showing the night sky. You had to admit the view was impeccable, but you didn’t get to enjoy it long. A faint growl made the hairs on the back of your neck stand as you and Eric both looked at each other.

“The guard dog?” You asked quietly.

Eric’s eyes were the size of saucer plates as he nodded.

You both turned slowly, coming face to face with a rather large dog that looked to be something out of a nightmare. Whoever the game creators were got the look of a scary guard dog correct. The dog looked similar to something out of Stephen King’s Cujo. With foam coming out of its mouth and dark, almost dead eyes, the dog looked like it was ready to rip apart anything and everything that stepped foot in the castle. You took a step back from the window as you looked at Eric.

The boy was making quick glances at the door as the dog took a step forward.

“Run!” Eric yelled.

Grabbing your hand, Eric practically dragged you out of the room and down the other hallway. The dog was hot on your trail, loud barking making more noise than you would've hoped. Lights began to turn on as the dog was now alerting the guards looking for Eric.

As you continued to run, you noticed a door that was just slightly ajar. You took the opportunity to yank on your arm, pulling Eric towards the door. The immediate redirection threw the dog for a loop as it couldn’t come to a complete stop with the speed it was hitting. You managed to make it in the room, both of you closing the door just in the knick of time. The dog hit the door hard. That didn’t seem to stop, but rather further piss him off as he started to jump at the door and scratch at it. You pulled a nearby chair towards you, pinning it under the door knob as you leaned against the door to catch your breath.

Adrenaline was pumping through you, your heart rate through the roof as you closed your eyes to try and calm yourself. You could see why Eric liked doing this so much. You weren’t scared by any means. Rather you were thrilled. The surge of fear had turned into excitement. You had so much energy that you wanted to do all of it again.

“Look!” Eric said excitedly.

You opened your eyes at his exclamation. You followed his gaze and felt a smile come to your face. There in the room was the King’s crown protected by a glass case. The small light shining down on the glass sent a sliver of light towards the pretty blue pendant jewel on the top of the King’s crown. The jewel reflected its own path of light, causing a blue marbled type shadow to cast itself across the wall. You moved from the door to the glass case, laying your hands on top of it.

There was a little lock on the case to keep the crown locked in. You knew the key was not in this room, and in your excitement panic started to set in. How were you supposed to get the crown?

You felt a hand in your hair that pulled you from your thoughts as the hand was now in your vision.

“Will this work?” Eric asked, holding the bobby pin you had previously picked the front gate with.

You smiled at the boy, taking the pin from him. Eric winked as you began to pick at the lock.

“They’re in here!” You heard from outside the door as you jumped from the yell.

Eric ran to the door putting weight on it to keep it closed as long as possible as you kept picking the lock. Frustration began to filter through you over the fact that you couldn’t get the lock picked. As your frustration bubbled over, a loud crash hit outside the door, sending Eric flying to the ground. You picked up the case, throwing the glass to the ground as it shattered around you. Eric picked himself up as he grabbed the crown. That mischievous look he had when he first told you about himself came back as he handed it to you.

You took the crown from him, looking over it as he pushed you towards the window. A large crack resonated through the room as you both jumped. One of the doors broke open, giving way to a bunch of guards as Eric quickly pushed the window open. You looked back at him, realizing he was going to give himself up so you could get free.

“Wait, Eric!” You yelled.

The boy continued to push you to the window. He helped you out of it as he spoke. “You have the crown. Get back to where I found you and you’ll win.”

You looked at him, grabbing his hand as he went to pull away. “What about you?”

The urgency in your voice made the boy smile, and he did something completely out of character. Eric leaned out the window to peck your cheek as he spoke.

“Don’t worry about me.”

He pulled his hand from yours as he gave you that signature smile. Lifting himself back into the window, he pushed you the rest of the way out before slamming it shut. You hit the ground with a grunt as you looked back up at the window. Eric mouthed to you as you stood.

“Go!”

You stood up, seeing the garden house in the distance as you ran in that direction. It sounded like the castle doors had opened as you fell into a full on sprint. When you got closer to the garden house you noticed the front gate, still unlocked from when you had previously entered. You looked back towards the window before letting your feet carry you to the gate. The sounds from the front doors of the castle were beginning to get louder, signaling to you that whoever was outside was getting closer. You slipped through the gate, running down the path. You continued to run until your legs couldn’t carry you anymore before stopping in front of the tree that you were certain was where you had fallen into the game from.

Placing your hands on your knees, you leaned down to catch your breath. Not knowing what to do next, you looked around hoping for some sort of exit.

“Come on! I beat the stupid game. See?” You lifted the crown up towards the sky, beginning to get angry.

“I did it. I beat it! What more do you want?” You yelled.

You kept the crown above your head, looking up at the dark sky that did nothing before lowering it. Dropping your head, you looked around once more before noticing a light coming towards you. There was no person behind it, just the light itself. Bringing your hands up to your eyes to shield yourself, you looked as best you could at the light. The room felt like it was shifting before you were pushed.

“Hey!” A voice said from behind you.

You’d recognize it anywhere as you stepped back.

“Mom’s been looking for you.” Your little brother told you.

Looking at him, you nodded as he rolled his eyes, heading out of the small room you were in. You watched him before looking down at your hands. You were in the arcade. In the back room. Your jacket was still on the floor, now covered in dirt and dust from being pushed around. You brought your attention back to the game. A little bubble screen had popped up.

“Congratulations! You helped the thief snatch the crown and evade the guards. Your time was five minutes and thirty-eight seconds. See how your time stacks up to other players.” You read.

The screen gave way to an option to look at the previous scores as you looked back at your time.

“Five minutes? I was only in there for five minutes? It felt so long.”

You moved your hands from the game as you headed for the door. Bending down to pick up your jacket, you looked back once more at the game before walking out.

It had been about a week since you pretty much entered a video game, and the more you played it over in your head the more it seemed like you just fell and hit your head really hard in that room. You knew you had to put it behind you with it being your first day of school, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Eric.

As you parked your car, your friend Sunwoo stood outside the school entrance with another boy. You couldn’t see his face, but you were sure you didn’t know him. He had purple hair with different pastel highlights colored throughout it. Sunwoo spotted you as he waved.

“There you are! Thought you might be late on the first day.”

You could only give the boy the finger as you got closer.

“I made a new friend! He’s new!” Sunwoo yelled.

As you got closer, the boy turned around and you dropped everything in your hands.

“Eric?” You asked.

The boy raised his eyebrows at you as he looked at you then Sunwoo.

“Uh, no. My name is Youngjae.” The boy said.

He was a spitting image of Eric, with the same tone of voice and cadence in the way he talked. Both boys walked down the steps to help you pick your things up.

“I, I’m sorry. You just look strangely like someone I met towards the end of the summer.” You told him.

He smiled at you, giving you a wink. “No problem.”

Sunwoo chuckled, noticing the looks you two were giving each other as he shook his head.

“And yet again, I’ll be third wheeling.” He said as he watched the two of you talk, almost as if you had known each other for a really long time.

[rachoxpotato]

🦕 Commander Mills x female reader 🔞 NSFW ⚠️ CW // skinny dipping, praise, waterfall sex ✏️ 2.8k words

-

Between securing shelter, exploring your surroundings, and running from creatures you still can’t believe exist in this world, it has been an endlessly stressful, restless three days since the crash.

"This way," Commander Mills says. He marks another tree as you both turn right down a semi-clear path lined on either side in trees, palms, shrubs. You follow and walk together for another half-mile or so.

You hear it before he does.

"Oh my god," you gasp, reaching for his wrist.

Mills steps in front of you, gun ready. "What?"

His instinct to protect you makes your body vibrate. A warmth spreads throughout you that you haven't felt in years prior to crashing in this god-forsaken place. You know it's wildly inappropriate fantasizing about a man who spends every second of every day and night protecting you and trying to get you home...

"Through here," he says, using his corded forearm to push a palm frond out of the way for you.

...but then his eyes do that thing when they look at you, and then that sexy strand of hair falls into his eye, and his hands are just so /so/ big. 

"Mills," you gasp, but he's already a step ahead, slipping out of his gun strap, and dropping it to the ground.

Before you... is paradise. 

It's a blue lagoon shaded by a canopy of palm leaves and lush, greenery. It's crystal-clear water and ample protection provided by the mountain behind. It's several thin streams of rushing water cascading from the cliffs above and into the pool below. It's...

Mills's chiseled back as he strips his shirt while approaching the water.

He falls to his knees at the shore and cups water into both of his massive hands, then lifts them to his mouth.

"It's fresh," he announces, looking over his shoulder. "I think it’s a cold spring."

He turns back to the oasis and you take the opportunity to drop your own pack, your gun, your knife. 

He must hear you unzip your pants because he turns to look, but stops himself. 

"S-sorry," he mutters, his attention returning to what he can gather in his paws and slurp down. (It's a lot).

"Don't mention it," you say, shucking your shirt and padding toward the water in just your bra and panties... the same ones you'd been wearing since the crash. 

And you know a bra is impractical in a post-apocalyptic, dinosaur infested, Jumanji-land, but... surely he'd notice that despite the heat, humidity, and relative discomfort of this location, your nipples are consistently as hard as diamonds.

"How is it?" he asks as you wade deeper into the lagoon.

You turn, just as your breasts disappear beneath the cool water, and clench when you realize his eyes are mid-snap from your chest to your face. Despite the naturally cool spring, you're warm all over again.

"It's perfect," you moan, dunking your head under.

"I'll keep watch," he says when you resurface. "Enjoy."

"No, come in!"

He clearly wants to. A bud of hope blooms inside of you that the cool water isn't the only reason he's considering joining. "I can go after you're done."

You frown and without warning, slap your hand across the water to splash him.

Mills feigns offense as you do it again and he wastes no time in unzipping his own pants. 

You squeeze your legs together like you do when you talk yourself out of letting your hand wander at night. When it's his turn to sleep and you're taking watch. When his soft snores consume your thoughts and make you wish you were lying next to him, against him, with his arm caging you in, keeping you safe. 

His black boxer-briefs and happy trail disappear beneath the water as he wades closer. You float onto your back, close your eyes, and attempt to picture anything over than the definition and contour between each abdominal muscle. 

"Please tell me you remember how to get here," you say, dropping your feet to find the sandy bottom. It's a bit shallower than you remember, and standing upright, the water only reaches your ribs.

Mills's eyes drop and his jaw clenches when he takes in your soaked bra, water droplets racing over the swells of the tops of your breasts, and getting trapped in the lace at the top.

All things considered, if you were doomed to one bra for an apocalyptic eternity, at least you're wearing a cute, lacy black one.

He clears his throat and looks at your face. "Yes, I remember."

His voice is low, eyes dark. You don't hide beneath the water.

The closest waterfall is just off to the right and as much as you'd love to stand there and have the sexiest man you've ever seen ogle your t!ts, a natural waterfall might be just what you need to truly cool you down.

"Where are you going?" he asks as you swim away.

"To check this out!" you reply, reaching the cascading water and giggling as it beats down on your head. The sandy bottom supports your feet as you tip your head back and let it pull your hair away from your face.

He smiles and makes his way over before placing his hand beneath the cascading water to catch it in his palm. Then, he ducks his head under, groaning as it beats down on his head, neck, and back.

You practically watch his tension melt away as his shoulders drop away from his ears.

You swim a little closer. 

You crouch down until the water reaches your neck and take some into your mouth, maintaining eye contact as you spit it out. He watches you intently but must not notice your arm bent behind your back because as soon as the cups of your bra float to the surface, his eyes widen.

"Is this okay?" you ask, removing the straps from both arms. "I'm just sick of it."

"Yeah," he says immediately. "I get it. I mean... I don't but... fine. 's fine."

His voice breaks when he says 'fine,' for the second time and you begin to wonder what he thinks of you.

Admittedly, when you fling your bra onto a nearby rock, you hope he thinks you have nice tits.

Mills clears his throat. "Any chance you're sick of your panties?" He jokes.

"Now that you mention it," you say, already working the elastic around your hips.

He notices your arms shifting. He says your name. His gorgeous mouth over-pronounces every syllable. "I was kidding, I... it was a joke. I never want to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't," you assure him, kicking your legs free.

You lift your panties out of the water with one finger before tossing them to the side. The tiny garment clops loudly against the rock and he clears his throat.

"They're pretty wet."

"Yeah, well," you start. "The lagoon is only partially to blame."

That's all he needs.

Suddenly, you find yourself wrapped around him as he grabs your hips with both hands and pulls you close. His body is so hard, so solid.

"Commander!" you say with a smirk. 

Mills growls, pressing his face to your sternum, his nose preventing his lips from reaching your skin.

"Tell me. What else has you so wet?" he asks as you lock your ankles around his lower back.

"I think you know," you whisper.

"Say it." It's a command.

You swallow and look into his eyes. "You."

Mills groans and lifts his head to kiss your lips.

You can't help it. A moan immediately escapes from deep in your throat as your body processes what's happening:

Mills's big body holding yours secure, his plush lips working yours open so his tongue can find yours, his hands digging into your hips and pressing you down so your bare pxssy rubs against the bulge you'd spotted earlier.

"Please, Mills," you beg into his mouth, shaking from how desperately you need him, as you pull away.

You dip down to capture his mouth in another kiss and his hands immediately roam to your ass, making you whimper as he squeezes you, holds you steady with one hand, and lets the opposite wander up your torso to cup your breast.

His mouth catches your moans as he massages your flesh and gently pinches your nipple. You're helpless as you grind your center against him, desperate for some semblance of friction to ease the incessant ache that shouldn't even be there considering you've been fighting for your life the past three days...

But there's something about him.

"Mills," you gasp as he releases the hold on your breast and shifts down to rub between your legs.

"You're fucking soaked," he says, fingers slip-sliding through your folds.

"Uh huh," you agree, grinding down onto him.

"Who did this to you?" he demands.

"You."

"Did I?" He smirks. “I only kissed you, Baby.”

"Thinking of you," you amend. 

"Thinking of what?" A finger grazes your entrance and you gasp as you attempt to line yourself up. He manages to pull away, his teasing finger shifting to trace the crease where your thigh meets your hip. 

"Your hands."

"My hands?"

"They're so big and strong," you admit. "And your fingers are so thick. Makes me wonder what they're capable of. And how they'd feel..."

"Where?"

"On me. In- inside me."

He hums thoughtfully as a finger finds your entrance once more, barely applying pressure. 

You moan. He smirks.

"These fingers?" Mills confirms. "Here?"

"Yes!" you gasp.

"Fuck," he groans into the crook of your neck as he slides a fingertip inside. "So tight, Baby. Not sure how we're gonna get my cock in this tight little pxssy. But we'll make it fit."

It's embarrassing how close you are, considering he's barely touched you and only has half of a finger inside of you. But between the stress, the chaos, and the inappropriate pining, your body is so /so/ ready to feel good.

"Please, more," you moan. 

A second finger joins the first beneath the water and you gasp, moan, and cry out all at once when he pulls them back and thrusts them inside.

He keeps his rhythm consistent as he kisses your neck, your collar bone, your breasts. You've more or less surrendered your entire body to whatever he wants to do to it, so you're grateful he's holding you tight.

"Come for me, Baby," he coos when you start grinding against his hand. "I can feel you're close... squeezing my fingers with this perfect, hot, tight pxssy. Fuck, Baby. My c0ck is so jealous right now."

That does it.

"Ohh!" you cry out as his fingers curl forward toward your front wall and the heel of his hand rubs your c|it just right. Desperate to keep the angle, you lean into him, grinding down on him, moaning, panting, heart racing, as your orgasm tears through you, sending pleasure into every last bit of you.

Mills slows his hand but keeps moving, bringing you down from your high as your head falls back and he takes the opportunity to wrap his hot mouth around a nipple, sucking at it and injecting more pleasure into your already convulsing, overwhelmed body.

"Atta girl," Mills coos against your breast, lifting his eyes to look up at you. "Think you're even wetter after that. Wish I could taste ya, Baby."

"Later," you say hurriedly as you reach between you for his underwear. He shucks them down one-handed as best he can and as soon as your hand wraps around his thick, hard, ready c0ck, you gasp.

"I told you we're gonna have to make it fit," he says with a smirk. 

And something about this talented, protective, humble man admitting he knows he's got a huge d!ck just… does something to you.

"Please fuck me," you purr in his ear, letting him shift your pelvis back so he can line up his length. “Commander.”

He growls when you nip at his earlobe and the tip slides inside of you.

"Fuck, Baby. I'm gonna split you in two," he says, taking a bracing step backwards. 

Suddenly, you find yourselves beneath the cascading waterfall, clinging to his shoulders, and giggling as he kisses you, pressing in a bit more.

He stops to look around briefly and ultimately decides to carry you up onto the shore at the backside of the waterfall. You groan as he slips out of you and he chuckles. "Gimme one second, Baby. I gotcha."

Carefully, he lays you down in the sand and crawls between your legs, planting a hand on each knee to spread you wide. Instinctively, you want to close them. He's staring so intently, you almost feel self-conscious, but then he presses his thumb to your slick flesh and swallows as his eyes scan your body.

"You're beautiful," Mills tells you. "Fucking gorgeous, I'm... I can't believe you're letting me touch you like this."

Your back arches and the sand collecting in your hair will be well-worth it.

"You can touch me anywhere," you tell him. "Everywhere."

He slides his middle finger inside of you and it feels thicker, longer than it had in the water. When he pulls it out, it's covered in your slick, and he makes eye contact with you while popping it into his mouth.

He savors it while you remain laid out in front of him, your own gaze locked on his huge, hard c0ck bobbing, teasing.

"So sweet, Baby," he says.

Then, he's wrapping his arms around your spread thighs and yanking you closer. His massive hands support your ass as he lifts you to line your entrance up with his c0ck.

"Ohh, god. Yes," you pant as your walls struggle to contain him.

The stretch as he bottoms out is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.

It’s  a tight fit, especially when he plants a hand on your lower abdomen and allows you to truly feel the pressure of every movement.

"Don't stop," you tell him as he picks up the pace, both of you keeping an eye on the bulge in your lower abdomen. "Do this to me forever."

He chuckles as he readjusts, planting one hand on the sand next to you and keeping the opposite on your ass so he can pull your body in every time he thrusts. 

He's hitting you so deep, you're not convinced he isn't hitting your lungs. At least, it feels that way, with the way he's forcing air out of you.

"So good, you... you feel so good, Commander," you purr and he seemingly loses his mind at that.

Mills's eyes darken as seemingly every muscle in his body bulges simultaneously. His fingers dig into your ass cheek as he thrusts harder into you. Spray from the nearby waterfall mists you both as his body pleasures yours, leaving a shiny sheen across your skin.

"You feel fucking incredible," he grunts as the sand beneath you caresses your body.

You can tell his rhythm is faltering a bit as he picks up the pace.

"Can you come again?" he asks, panting.

"Uh huh."

"Do it," he commands. "Touch yourself, Baby. Come on my c0ck."

Mills gaze is focused, intently zoned in on his c0ck as it slides in and out of you, and your fingers drawing circles into your swollen, throbbing c|it.

"That's it, Baby. Doing so good. You feel perfect.... I'm close, Baby. I'm close. Come for me..."

With his encouragement and deeper-than-ever thrusts while he chases his own release, you soon find yourself barreling over the cliff of pleasure as your orgasm crescendos. Your intimate walls squeeze his c0ck tight as he fights to stay inside of you, uses every ounce of strength within him as his face turns red, his jaw falls open, and the veins in his neck bulge over you.

"Yes!" he roars, accentuating each word with a deep thrust. "Fuck... Baby... god... so... fucking... good... UNGHHHHH."

You moan as his hips fuse to yours and hardly pull back before pushing deeper, deeper, deeper. The pressure is insurmountable but your waiting c*nt takes all of his warm cum as deeply as possible until he collapses over you in a hot, glistening, panting heap.

"Mmmm, Commander," you purr. "That was-"

"Yeah," he agrees, still out of breath, but suddenly more desperate than ever to kiss you. 

"Aren't you glad you joined me instead of taking watch?" you tease, dragging your nails up and down his back.

He chuckles against your sweaty neck and presses a kiss there, too.

“So glad, Baby,” he coos, nudging his nose against yours. “I’ll be joining you every time.”

[saucy-mesothelioma]

October 9th: Creature Feature | Tremors

Tremors was released in 1990 and was directed by Ron Underwood. Two repairmen, Val McKee (played by Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward), are ready to move on to bigger things than what can be found in their small town of Perfection, Nevada. But when mysterious deaths start occurring and a local seismologist named Rhonda (Finn Carter) begins to get strange readings, their trip gets put on hold. With the help of other locals such as cattle rancher Miguel Sanchez (Tony Genaro) and the libertarian doomsday-survivalist couple Heather (Reba McEntire) and Burt Gummer (Michael Gross), they must not only figure out what is killing of their neighbors but also figure out how to put a stop to it.

Tremors doesn't get as much love as it should, which is an absolute shame. In my opinion, it is probably one of if not the best B horror flicks of all time. The reason I picked Tremors out of all of the Creature Features is not just from the creatures themselves (called graboids), but for the fact that it's a smart movie pretending to be a dumb one. The characters are smart: they come up with plans and if one fails, they quickly brainstorm to think of another. The audience is allowed to speculate alongside the heroes as they learn more about the graboids and how they work, and the fact that the characters make pretty rational decisions gives such a sense of justification. It's funny, well-shot, and the creatures are entirely practical, and that makes Tremors an absolute gem of a movie.

It can be watched for free on Internet Archive.

Content Warnings for the Film (may contain spoilers): slight objectification of women (really only in the first part of the movie), violence, monster gore (it's orange though, just looks like pumpkins because it was), humans being eaten (not really graphic), dead animals (only aftermath shown)

Once more, get ready for some behind the scenes info because the practical effects in this movie are STUNNING.

The graboids were designed by Tom Woodruff Jr and Alec Gillis and this film was actually the first one their company Amalgamated Dynamics worked on (you might recognize them from Death Becomes Her, Sam Rami's Spider-Man films, the original Jumanji, IT, Alien 3, and Smile). The design was based off of snapping turtles, slugs, and rhinos, and were completely done with practical effects in the first film (although CGI with some practical effects would be used to varying levels in the later films). For their movement underground, boat buoys in a dirt trench covered by a layer of latex rubber was used, and the graboid guts were made of cotton batting stuffed in pantyhose that was then covered in slime and pumpkin pie filling. Since the graboids were so large, quarter scale models were seamlessly blended with full scale ones in order to get all of the shots they wanted, as well as a mixture of animatronics and puppets (both cable and hand). Tom Woodruff Jr actually puppeteered the full sized graboid named Stumpy from underground, with only an oxygen tank and flashlight down there with him. What a fucking king. Also fun fact, Arianna Richards plays the pogo-stick girl named Mindy, who is best known for her role as Lex Murphy in Jurassic Park.

If you want to see some of the Behind the Scenes footage, here's some great videos talking and showing the process behind it.

Y'all it's so beautiful I can't

[arizonaraine]

Sorting Hat Chats: Jumanji (2017)

I still remember the first time I saw this movie-- I went in with super low expectations and LOVED it. It's regularly quoted in my household. "Oh, you have allergies, Spencer? I'm missing the top two feet of my body!" So, without further ado...

Spencer is a Badger primary. He was devastated when his childhood best friend, Fridge, backed away from him in search of a cooler crowd. But he doesn't let that stop him from doing Fridge's homework in hopes that he'll win a place in his life again. He's an affable, sweet young man, who notices people who typically fly under the radar-- like Martha. In Jumanji, his primary concern is keeping the group together and alive. He's non-confrontational (until he has to be) and tries to find ways to break bad news gently ("that's not how I would have put it..." he says after Fridge drops the bomb on Alex). He builds people up by talking about their strengths. He has a very clear Bird secondary-- he's the guy who plays video games. "That's literally the main thing that I do." He strategizes rather than charges and sees his physical strength as Dr. Bravestone as a skill, narrating the steps to himself ("uppercut!").

Fridge starts off as a self-centered Snake primary. He traded Spencer in for a cooler crowd to boost his own social status and is primarily concerned with his own football career-- not the impact that cheating will have on his or Spencer's lives. It's not until he gets to Jumanji that he starts to look outside himself. He seems to take special care of Bethany-- urging her to get up when she's fallen down, trusting her when she tells him the cake is bread (oops...), etc. It takes him and Spencer some time to work out their grievances, but once he's in, he's in, and Fridge helps to build up his courage in a moment when he needs in the most. Fridge is definitely a Lion secondary, he's the guy who's always shouting and making his displeasure known, who picks fights with Spencer, but who also charges in to save the day ("Zoology, bit***!")

Bethany begins the film as a myopic Badger primary, whose definition of "people" is pretty limited. She has the best growth arc of the movie, IMO. She cares a lot about what other people think of her, works hard to look perfect and appeal to her boyfriend, and tries to charm her teacher to get out of detention. She shares parts of her life with Martha and is offended when Martha acts "judgy," but accepts her influence and grows. In a conversation with Alex, she says something to the effect of, "sometimes, you get so caught up in your own stuff that you forget other people have stuff too..." She also gives up one of her lives for Alex, so he can get home too! She tells him, "you're our missing piece--" bringing him into the group. In the second movie, she's been off on a humanitarian trip, is so excited to get the group back together, and starts a cheerleader-style chant before wading into battle. The flirting lessons for Martha?? Badger, badger, badger. Her strength is in connecting with and encouraging others-- a Badger secondary.

Martha is kind of hard to read, but I see her as a Bird primary. She's a little black-and-white in how she views the world-- "gym class is not going to get me into Princeton!"-- and has ambitious goals that are largely focused on external things. She sees Bethany as fitting into the "hot, popular girl" mold and it takes her some time to see past that to the real person. She, like Spencer, is a Bird secondary. She's very systematic in how she approaches things, takes the skills that her character (Ruby Roundhouse) has very literally, and applies what she's learned to other people and situations ("Alex, if I can fight those guys, you can fly that helicopter!").

Bonus! Alex is a Snake primary, Bird secondary. He thinks a lot about his parents and says that he's a drummer, "just like my dad." Though he likes the rest of the group, he has a special bond with Bethany. He offers his life for hers, and when that doesn't work, he charges at the big bad guy to rescue her. When he sees them all again after getting out of Jumanji, Bethany is the first one he recognizes (he still calls Martha "Ruby Roundhouse"-- did he forget her name, or was he teasing? IDK). He names a daughter after Bethany, the girl who saved his life. His Bird secondary has burned after being trapped in the game for so long, he doesn't trust himself and his skills anymore and has been living in limbo.

TL;DR:

Spencer: Badger Primary, Bird Secondary

Fridge: Snake Primary, Lion Secondary

Bethany: Badger Primary, Badger Secondary

Martha: Bird Primary, Bird Secondary

Alex: Snake Primary, Bird Secondary

[celiaelise]

I'm in chapter 145 of the Dan Da Dan manga, so very nearly caught up!!!

I'm enjoying it, but i will say i think the show is better, and also it almost feels like the manga was only created as a precursor to the show? A lot of the coolest things about the show are, at most, only implied by the manga. (Action scenes, use of color, music, etc.) Like, there's action sequences or referenced music that is just not possible to do w a printed b&w comic! And fight scenes, character designs, and detailed backgrounds are kind of difficult for me, personally, to parse without color. Also i think the manga is a little worse in terms of sexualizing the girls :/

All that said, the manga is definitely still very good, and the heart of what made the characters likeable and the story compelling is definitely all in there!! Momo and Okarun's crushes are so sweet; often that kind of storyline, (the show getting-together) especially when you mix in their jealousy towards others of their gender, would be kind of irritating to me. But they both just feel like real teenagers, like, the jealousy doesn't take over their personalities or really get in the way of their friendships. Also they're busy trying not to die or saving the world or whatever. They just have a lot of feelings!! Tbh it's very sweet and nice that you can see that they both ARE trying to process their feelings and potentially do something about it, like, their hangups make sense for the most part.

Honestly very pleasant to me that pretty much all the main characters are fundamentally compassionate people. Momo's definitely still my fave; best girl of all time!!! 🩷🩷🩷 But Okarun is great, too, he's such a sweetie and he's SO brave, and, honestly? Really great at communication for a teenager who's never had friends before in his life!!

I found a stopping point in the middle of the Jumanji-type arc; I think it was partly not holding my attention as much bc our main couple is separated! 😅 (it feels kind of silly and perfunctory whenever there's an attempt to establish romantic tension between Momo or Okarun and a third party-- it's like, yeah, okay, they're cute, they have chemistry, whatever, but none of that matters bc they're ALREADY IN LOVE) (not to discount my poly friends. But Momokarun seem to be operating from a pretty monogamous mindset.) but I'm sure I'll finish catching up soon. I've read most of it the last four or five days, I think? I can't tell if the chapters are short, or it's just so fast-paced that it feels that way, lol.

[corvid-gae]

I believe i can make a better Minecraft movie than the garbage that is being produced rn. This isn't even "oh i'm totally a better writer than these professionals" this is because they seem to be ignoring the 'themes' of Minecraft in favor of corporate sanitation, and I can do better than a corporation.

So where to start? Well, by analyzing the 'themes' of Minecraft I mentioned. And what are those? Well, 3 major things imo.

Number 1; Creativity; Minecraft itself is a sandbox game, naturally one of the major themes it carries is creativity. You can create anything you want, the worlds your oyster in Minecraft.

Number 2; Community; While Minecraft can be a single-player game, the whole of the game has become about a community of people. SMPs, Minigame servers, even outside the game Minecraft is about community. As much as people may not like the mob vote, we come together as a community to decide things that we want to come to the game!

Number 3; Love; Now you might look at me weird for this one, but Minecraft is full of love. Love by Minecraft content creators who LOVE the game for all its worth, mod makers who love to create new content for the game, even the Minecraft End Poem. "And the universe said I love you, because you are love-" the game is full of love.

Now are these things the end all be all of 'themes' in Minecraft? No, of course not. It's a sandbox game which means themes can be all over the place, but these are the themes I personally would use in a Minecraft movie since without these themes a movie would fall flat. And if we're all honest with ourselves, just from that newest trailer the Minecraft Movie has NONE of these.

There's no creativity (just another jumanji isekai ripoff) no community (aka no one in the community seems to be liking it) and no love (it's a corporate cash-grab through and through)

But how would i fix that? Well, I have a few ideas.

First and foremost; who are the protagonists and antagonists? Well OBVIOUSLY Steve and Alex are our protagonists. Steve has lost his memories and must find out what happened to them, and Alex? Well she is related to his missing memories (also NO, no romance between them. No "oh she's a STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER" in the Hollywood way) And the antagonists? Well, one would first assume Herobrine- but i think that's too easy. What about the Piglins like the actual live action? Also no. So who the hell is the antagonist? Well that depends, an antagonist would be in opposition to all of the themes that I listed- Creativity, Community, and Love. What in Minecraft fits this? A destructive force that acts alone and out of hate (or at least some kind of hate.)

The Wither.

But hasn't Minecraft Story Mode used the Wither for its story? Yes, yes they did. But why fix whats not broken? The Wither is a GREAT antagonist if the themes of Minecraft are as I listed above. Not to mention you can do a LOT with the Wither. It doesn't just have to be a large monster, it can be many things. For this movie the Wither is akin to a blight spreading across the land, killing anything in its path, reducing it to a greyed out violent form of its past self.

Next; What would the general plot be? Well, the general idea is that Steve wakes up without his memories. All he has is a journal with his name on it and a few entries (how to craft, certain creatures and what they drop, etc. The basics of Minecraft) but there's also a map that leads him to a village, which is when the plot truly kicks off when he defends the villagers from some Pillagers (Villagers who have been affected by the Wither blight.) The story follows Steve as he finds Alex (who is related to his unknown history. She admits she also has very little memory. All she knows is that she knows HIM and they need to stick together) and then they travel to find what caused the Wither blight; what happened to their memories; and how the hell are they going to stop the blight/get their memories back. The climatic point of the story reveals that THEY are the reason the Wither blight is spreading, both had accidentally unleashed it while exploring a Stronghold that held the Wither, which also explains their lost memories (somehow, i don't have the specifics its OKAY- this is a concept for a reason)

At the climax itself Steve is dying. There's a reference to the End Poem, he comes back to life (because obviously it's Minecraft. You revive) and him & Alex manage to stop the Wither blight as well as reverse it, obviously saving the day.

Now there's a lot of holes in the idea, but as I said it's a CONCEPT i'm toying around with because I do believe this basic structure would provide a much more fulfilling movie than game isekai with popular actors #12. I'd love to see people add on to this since as I said, COMMUNITY is one of the largest parts of Minecraft, and personally i love building on others ideas.

[clovexei]

I made my friend @killallyourfrendz watch Samurai Flamenco with me, and here's the highlights reel of their predictions and commentary:

Early Predictions

TV news guy is going to bankroll an evil organization of villains to get more viewers

Masayoshi goes full villain

Masayoshi is in a coma (from episode 7 onward--later changed to "from the end of episode 1 onward")

"Yeah, I'd beat this guy up, too."

Episodes 8-10 (King Torture Arc)

The rest of the show will just be 10 episodes of “horrific clean-up” after the King Torture fight

King Torture will be Red Axe

Episodes 11-14 (Flamengers Arc)

It's a Truman Project situation: "they’re all in on the bit except for Samurai Flamenco and the cop”

"Mari should just become a villain"

"This is all shenanigans."

"We are just speed-running seasons' worth of content right now."

“All of these villains exist BECAUSE of them."

"I hope Mari gets her stride back and kills again. Or becomes a villain."

Masayoshi is in purgatory

Masayoshi has been sucked into a TV

Masayoshi is in a Jumanji situation

"How many decisive battles can there be?"

Masayoshi's grandpa put a curse on him and forced him to live out all the stories he'd ever written

"Is there even a girlfriend at this point? Is the girlfriend dead? Is he talking to himself?"

Red Axe is hiring people to fight SamFlam so that he can keep coming and saving the day

It's the Truman Show (again)

“This is a Pleasantville scenario, but instead of making the world better, they’re making it worse.”

Episodes 15-17 (Prime Minister Arc)

Mister Justice is just Red Axe in a new costume

The other Flamengers don't exist anymore: "They've left the Matrix"

I’d be like, “Isn’t it weird that this all started to happen after Samurai Flamenco showed up?”

They've reached a new circle of Hell

"Maybe… this is the police officer’s hallucination??"

“If you had just stopped being superheroes, we could have gotten out of this, but NO, you had to KEEP wearing the costumes and that’s why we’re IN THIS MESS.”

Episode 18 (Space Arc)

“This isn’t like a Matrix situation, is it?”

“He is in a hospital bed, unconscious.”

"OH OHHHH??? Oh no this is just, like, another fake out"

Episode 19-22 (Final Arc)

“Are we going to find out the girlfriend was King Torture this whole time?”

"This whole time Goto’s been living his own fucked-up Black Mirror horror story.”

"Masayoshi actually blew up his own apartment; he’s having a Goto moment right now."

“I thought we had just one delusional man to deal with, but really we have two.”

"Wanting to be a superhero: the original sin"

Masayoshi is the final villain (held onto this one right until the last episode lol)

“A middle school boy is trying to kill me, and the advice I got is that I need to fall in love.”

[atmilliways]

Because I rewatched Jumanji: The Next Level last night and could not stop ugly laughing… what if a fic where Steve, Robin, Nancy, and Eddie play a weird jungle-themed game and all got sucked into it?

No Upside Down AU, and instead of diving into Lovers Lake they go to Jumanji. I am torn on board game or video game, but my imagination is leaning more towards no avatars.

Robin is totally the kind of person to talk her platonic soulmate into playing a weird board game, and Nancy is also there because… she has a crush on Robin, who thinks she has a crush on Steve, who knows that the girls like each other and is trying to nudge them together while also attempting to convince Robin that he’s seriously not into Nancy anymore.

Eddie was just trying to make a gd delivery. It’s not his fault that Hopper caught him dealing last month and strong-armed him into getting a stupid job at the recently opened Surfer Boy Pizza. And he really wasn’t expecting the door to a random apartment along Main Street to be opened by Steve Harrington. He just happens to be there when Nancy rolls for her turn and it’s a bad, bad roll, and apparently he’s just close enough to the board that the game thinks he’s playing.

Steve is the one who gets the “What do you mean the game THINKS” line from the original movie. And also a lot of Fridge’s “What the fuck is this game??” lines from the new ones.

Adventure ensues, etc. Steve still gets attacked by bats, and later so does Eddie. They bond, “Steeeve Harrington is actually… a good dude” conversation included. Idk, this part is why I’m not writing it.

Anyway, by the time they win the game and get out, Steddie is happening. That’s all I got.