elias-magnusnt

[elias-magnusnt]

Elias,

I, ah... have a favour to ask, which I will glady repay if you ask. It, ah—is there anything you can do in the way of pulling strings to help me get some educational qualifications? I'm happy to do the tests, if it helps.

I have... just been thinking about perhaps going into further education, is all.

Yours, as ever,

Jonah

Oh? How interesting. Of course I'll get everything in order for you, no need for repayment, but what do you think you'll want to study?

[elias-magnusnt]

you should adopt Martin and buy him an xbox

Why would I ever want to do that. Does Martin even want me to do that?

[elias-magnusnt]

in my world, everyone's a pony. They all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!

That's frightening. Simon please come pick me up I'm scared.

[elias-magnusnt]

Ah, survivor's guilt. Not something you have experience with, I'd presume.

I have survivor's gloat. Surely if I outlived them all it's because I'm better than them and I deserve the world for it, mmh?

But, still. That's a very messed up thing to say, especially to a child?? Do you think I should give Jon some weed so he chills out?

[elias-magnusnt]

Jon, that is a seriously messed-up thing to say

Dear Jon,

If you could meet your child-self of your past, without opportunity of changing the future, your destiny is already signed and there's no derailing...

What would you tell him?

What would you tell yourself?

I-

*he paused and looked away before awnsering firmly*

That he should've read that damned book faster. Before that poor fool had the chance to take it-

[elias-magnusnt]

I'm afraid I don't want you to have a good day that much, you're gonna have to find happiness elsewhere.

hello so why does your bio to not take a job at the magnus institute. just uh. curious. you know. for a friend.

@galihai-skyscrapers

Because it's completely ass, that's why. It's not safe, you'll have to be in the general vicinity of Elias mother-fucking Bouchard, and on top of that, you can't quit.

[elias-magnusnt]

Oh, you have a son? How grown is the child?

uhhhhhhhhhhh hey mr bouchard. uh. jaden from artifact storage. um. there is an, um. a . a screaming book. what is the uh. protocol. for that.

@galihai-skyscrapers

You weren't briefed? Just wait until it stops screaming, maybe put it in another room or listen to some music. Once the screaming has subsided, you can close it up and put it back, maybe put a post-it on there for the next unfortunate soul that may think to open it.

We've also found waterboarding them often helps, but it's not for the faint of heart.

[elias-magnusnt]

And clearly you don't really care about getting paid for your explaning either. Good day then, Gerard.

hello so why does your bio to not take a job at the magnus institute. just uh. curious. you know. for a friend.

@galihai-skyscrapers

Because it's completely ass, that's why. It's not safe, you'll have to be in the general vicinity of Elias mother-fucking Bouchard, and on top of that, you can't quit.

[elias-magnusnt]

I know, right. Shame that this is an argument at all. Dental should be a part of any self-respecting public healthcare system's package. Have you seen the myriad of problems poor oral hygiene brings on?! It's horrifying.

uhhhhhhhhhhh hey mr bouchard. uh. jaden from artifact storage. um. there is an, um. a . a screaming book. what is the uh. protocol. for that.

@galihai-skyscrapers

You weren't briefed? Just wait until it stops screaming, maybe put it in another room or listen to some music. Once the screaming has subsided, you can close it up and put it back, maybe put a post-it on there for the next unfortunate soul that may think to open it.

We've also found waterboarding them often helps, but it's not for the faint of heart.

[elias-magnusnt]

Oh, well. Then I suppose I should wait until you grievously injure me in another way to see that.

"-What happened to your nose?

Don't trust gingers, they're the spawn of the Devil."

...did Martin eat your nose.

@jonahmagnus-research own up to your crimes now

[elias-magnusnt]

Already? But you haven't even been eaten by worms yet! And we have dental too!

uhhhhhhhhhhh hey mr bouchard. uh. jaden from artifact storage. um. there is an, um. a . a screaming book. what is the uh. protocol. for that.

@galihai-skyscrapers

You weren't briefed? Just wait until it stops screaming, maybe put it in another room or listen to some music. Once the screaming has subsided, you can close it up and put it back, maybe put a post-it on there for the next unfortunate soul that may think to open it.

We've also found waterboarding them often helps, but it's not for the faint of heart.

[elias-magnusnt]

I'd pay you to make a slideshow and go around the country explaining the world and traumatizing school-aged children as some sort of Fear Power guest lecturer, not gonna lie.

hello so why does your bio to not take a job at the magnus institute. just uh. curious. you know. for a friend.

@galihai-skyscrapers

Because it's completely ass, that's why. It's not safe, you'll have to be in the general vicinity of Elias mother-fucking Bouchard, and on top of that, you can't quit.

[elias-magnusnt]

Oh, of course. Is it a supernatural injury? Also when you get to the hospital, don't tell them you came from here, they'll have to put sectionned practioners on your case and it'll just take longer.

uhhhhhhhhhhh hey mr bouchard. uh. jaden from artifact storage. um. there is an, um. a . a screaming book. what is the uh. protocol. for that.

@galihai-skyscrapers

You weren't briefed? Just wait until it stops screaming, maybe put it in another room or listen to some music. Once the screaming has subsided, you can close it up and put it back, maybe put a post-it on there for the next unfortunate soul that may think to open it.

We've also found waterboarding them often helps, but it's not for the faint of heart.

[elias-magnusnt]

uhhhhhhhhhhh hey mr bouchard. uh. jaden from artifact storage. um. there is an, um. a . a screaming book. what is the uh. protocol. for that.

@galihai-skyscrapers

You weren't briefed? Just wait until it stops screaming, maybe put it in another room or listen to some music. Once the screaming has subsided, you can close it up and put it back, maybe put a post-it on there for the next unfortunate soul that may think to open it.

We've also found waterboarding them often helps, but it's not for the faint of heart.

[elias-magnusnt]

You are a whole ass ginger yourself, sir. Glass houses...

Never have I ever! Look it up.

[elias-magnusnt]

You should count yourself lucky you're one of the few people in the world who can get away with that, honestly.

"-What happened to your nose?

Don't trust gingers, they're the spawn of the Devil."

...did Martin eat your nose.

@jonahmagnus-research own up to your crimes now

[elias-magnusnt]

How do you feel with the knowledge that you and Jon were probably dancing while the unknowing was happening.

uncomfortable