#STOP IM YELLING ALL OF THESE ARE SO ACCURATE??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iho6hi2 · 7 months ago

Text

Infrunami.

Type: Oneshot

Pairing: Matsuno Karamatsu/F! Reader

Summary: Getting kisses from a hot lady? Karamatsu would love that. Almost getting ran over by a hot lady? Not exactly on his bucket list, but Karamatsu checks it regardless.

Warnings: Near Death Experiences, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, Drinking, Getting to Know Each Other, Feel-Good, Ridiculous

Word Count: 8,037

A/N: MY HOMESLICE 🧀🧀 Karamatsu deserves someone he can be a flop with T__T BTW Im so insecure about this so pls either give me a 10 page essay on why this sucked or one 'this was cool Lol' otherwise ill kms

Karamatsu ambles near the bridge, his usual hotspot for courting women in this cruel game life likes to call love; or more accurately the place where he stands still like a traffic sign with the hopes of someone giving him the time of day for once (huge spoiler alert: nobody does, as expected).

He chuckles, feigning smug amusement as he runs a hand through his hair in one smooth motion. "The stars must not favor me today, for all of my Karamatsu girls are nowhere to be seen. Heh, if that is the fate of a sinful man, I shall accept it and retreat with peace.''

The looks passersby shoot him border on mentally perturbed and downright horrified, because who the hell monologues atrocities like these out loud? Without being under the influence of something, nonetheless.

With that declaration out of the way, Karamatsu straightens up and decides to head home for the day, deeming it appropriate. What with his love endeavors turning out to be unsuccessful once again, also to no one's big surprise really.

On his way home, whenever the opportunity presents itself, he stops to window-shop every time he passes by a fashion boutique and admires clothes his broke bum probably couldn't afford.

Of course, he attempts not to appear interested, and instead only crosses his arms critically and gives the mannequins clad in clothing the stink eye (even if he's wearing shades of all things) while the workers glance at him warily through the window.

Before another demented sentence is said, suddenly all chaos breaks loose and there are people yelling and instantly he's all too aware of the motorcycle nearing him with each passing second. Karamatsu shrieks so loud he's sure everyone from the next town over had heard him.

"Get out of the way!" The biker shouts and waves a hand to the side for emphasis, and he feels like a fly being swatted away, but even if Karamatsu wanted to move it's almost as if his legs are rooted to the ground.

A wave of panic washes over him and strangely enough there was still enough time for dread to settle in the depths of his stomach. Even if it may be cliché, his life does end up flashing before his eyes － and it's just plain sad how fucking boring it is.

"Get out of the way," you repeat, though you sound more adamant, your tone coated with a sense of urgency.

Ahhh, Mommy! I'll die a virgin, I'll die a loser! Karamatsu cries in his mind. If I survive, I'll get a job, I swear! I'll even stop talking in English, just please! He pleads mentally, to whom is unknown.

Suddenly, you remember that brakes exist and you swerve with such mastery you weren't even aware you possessed up until now, coming to an abrupt stop right in front of your spared victim, tires screeching harshly against the pavement. Karamatsu deadpans, God had a real sense of humor.

He's still frozen in place, barely containing the natural instinct to piss himself. Though he's also pretty sure the urge to urinate will hit him like a shit ton of bricks post-shock.

Fortunately, he's not Ichimatsu and so he doesn't shit himself in front of the cute girl getting off of the motorcycle, even if she barely missed out on becoming his murderer.

You approach him cautiously, expecting the berating of a lifetime. Though judging by his state － him shaking like a leaf despite his thick leather jacket, also not to mention the buckets worth of sweat rolling off him －, you doubt you'll get an earful.

"Are you okay?'' Obviously, he's not. ''You're not hurt or anything, right?''

Karamatsu shakes his head timidly despite not even listening to a word you said. Then, he gulps and raises a trembling hand to his face, lowering his sunglasses just a smidge to take a good peek at you. ''H-Heh, you have, um, nothing to worry about my dear Karamatsu girl..."

You do your best to smile at him in response, but the need to physically recoil is understandably strong. ''Oh, uh, that's good to hear. I'm sorry for, you know, almost killing you and giving you a fright... It happens a lot for some reason.''

You need to get your license revoked, Karamatsu's eye twitches but he smirks regardless, willing to disregard everything that had occurred just because you were one hot lady. Plus, he is a gentleman, if nothing else.

''As if! You have no reason to fret, mon amour. The thrill of living or dying, chasing that high is what makes or breaks a man! Such a thing couldn't possibly scare me."

''Are you sure? 'Cause I'm certain I heard you scream,'' you grin with more teeth than you should. It'd be such a pleasure to knock him down a couple of notches, you think.

''T-T-That was most definitely not a scream, my darling, I assure you! It was but a noise of excitement at the divine gamble, ahahaha, that's all!'' Karamatsu stutters, stumbling over his words.

You blink, positively unimpressed. "You were excited to get ran over?"

After that, an uncomfortable silence stretches between the two of you. You're pulled into reality by the fact that just about anyone could see your number plate, so it was time to leave and flee the supposed crime scene. You're not getting fined for this, hell no. If anything, you're the one who's in desperate need of reparations after this degenerate conversation.

You mount your motorcycle again and look at him with an almost impish smile, ''You have weird tastes, man." And with that last comment, you're gone in the same breath, leaving behind only a cartoonish dust cloud.

Karamatsu's legs give out and he collapses, falling to his knees. Nobody helps him up.

★

Karamatsu doesn't really visit clubs often. Going by himself makes him feel strangely out of place, going with his brothers makes him feel like a circus attraction, though it's not like it has ever bothered him before.

He would usually lie through his teeth and strive to come off as unbothered and remarkably experienced; a well-seasoned veteran among premature ejaculators, but crowded places like these aren't his scene, at all. Never really have been in the first place.

Perhaps that's why he thinks he doesn't belong here as he observes the rest of the partygoers live it up on the dancefloor while babysitting his beer, one sip at a time.

The music isn't even good, Karamatsu frowns and pinches his eyebrows together, deep in thought. Man, did this place fucking suck. How much did they have to cough up in order for others to rate it a 4-star club?

Well, he supposes it doesn't really matter in the end. As long as the booze's good, that's all he needs to forget this horrible day. A 'nice' hangover is all it takes to wipe his memories clean, which isn't much to brag about.

''Oh, it's you!'' Someone exclaims and he whips his head forward before spitting out his alcohol. What are the odds? You point at him, just as shocked as him at this turn of events, ''Mr. Painful!''

Karamatsu chuckles, raising his glass full of beer as a greeting. ''Madame. Charmed to see you here.''

You roll your eyes but that doesn't hinder you from grinning back at him, ''Oh, the pleasure is all mine, trust me.''

''I would hope so. What are the chances of our paths crossing once more? It leads me to believe that this is no chance encounter. Hmph, why it must be fate.'' Karamatsu blabbers on, implementing wild gestures into his dialogue, takes his sunglasses off and his eyes shine with what you presume is a romantic glint.

You cough a little and wipe the bar clean with a towel, ''Yeah, no. I just work here.''

''The universe works in mysterious ways.''

You laugh. ''Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.'' Then, you pat the back of his hand twice. You watch him jump up in surprise and tilt your head to the side, confused.

Karamatsu clutches his hand to his chest, but realizes how fucking ridiculous he must look and simply clears his throat with that same proud expression.

You squint your eyes. ''You're not sick, are you?''

Karamatsu hurries to shake his head, which did nothing but give him a sense of déjà vu. ''N-Non, non! Don't worry your pretty little head over my health, angel. I'm nothing else if not alright, haha.''

You narrow your eyes at him further.

His hands are bundled over his crotch and he has one leg crossed over the other and if Twitter had taught you anything useful at all, it would mean that these are early signs of cock shame. And all of his prior mannerisms, could it be that he is... ''A virgin?''

You did not mean to say that out loud.

Karamatsu's face turns blank for a brief second before he's flapping his hands left and right in firm denial. His face is flushed, panicked, and you swear he's on the brink of tears.

When you said that you wanted to knock him off his high horse, this wasn't what you had in mind, at least not exactly. As a matter of fact, you feel sort of bad for the poor guy.

''Hahaha... What are you talking about, my Karamatsu girl? You should be able to tell by now that a man like me is sought after, which is one of the many punishments I must endure!'' He announces, posing with his index and thumb on his chin, a shaky smile slapped on his sweaty face.

You blink, then prop your elbows on the front bar, lean in and ask, ''And in reality?''

Karamatsu sits back down in his stool, then promptly downs the rest of his beer. ''A jobless virgin who lives in his parents' house.''

You register the somber look in his eyes. You sigh under your breath and open up the fridge, pulling out the same brand of beer he had been drinking until now and pass the bottle to him casually.

Karamatsu looks up at you in disbelief, glancing between you and the bottle of beer frantically. You flick his forehead, ''Drink up, it's on the house just this once.''

Karamatsu stiffens and then smiles gently, rubbing his wet eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, snivelling. ''Thank you, my Karamatsu girl!''

You cross your arms and huff, ''It's [Name]. And besides, I almost ran you over earlier today, it's the least I can do for you.''

''Thank you, [Name].'' Karamatsu parrots himself and happily takes a swig of his new, freshly refilled drink.

You watch him out of the corner of your eye while serving other customers. When a majority of the people disperse, leaving the two of you mostly alone again, you quickly scribble down your number on a napkin.

''Here,'' you call out to him as you hand him the piece of paper. When he shoots you a curious look, you redirect your attention elsewhere in mock embarrassment. ''You seem like fun, let's drink together for realsies next time. My treat.''

Karamatsu gasps, screaming like a banshee with a voice mutation and you think he emotes a strange, outdated gag while leaping ten feet in the air.

His head hits the ceiling but he comes back down just as quick, blood dripping down his face. Planks come crashing down on top of him, somehow on fire, and you clench your jaw. This will definitely be deducted from your paycheck.

★

Karamatsu wakes up, but he doesn't remember how or when he got home.

He ruffles his hair, only to find his broken shades and several bandages wrapped around his head. He attempts to jog his memory and yet the only thing he's able to recall is slamming face-first into a roof and... And...

He sits up and Olympic dives straight into the couch, barbarically searching for that blessed piece of paper which could very well change the entire trajectory of his life.

When he pulls it out of his leather jacket's pocket, he breathes heavily and fakes a falsetto, opting to roll around on the floor in some sort of wild frenzy.

This is it. I'm finally presented with an opportunity to abandon my virgin ways, Karamatsu thinks with a serious expression, shadows covering his eyes dramatically.

He raises a lone victorious fist in the air, cutting through the Matrix itself. Then, Karamatsu gulps and surveys the area, noticing that the living room is empty, which can only mean one thing. Now is the perfect time to plan a romantic rendezvous with you.

Tip-toeing his way to the hall where the landline is located, Karamatsu muttered curse words whenever the floorboards creaked under his weight.

When he reaches the house phone, he gently unfolds the napkin and smoothes out the wrinkles, then sucks in a deep breath and forces his balls to turn into pure steel.

Dialing your number with practiced caution, he bites his nails and anxiously taps his foot. The longer he waits for you to pick up, the more he loses hope.

Just as he was about to hang up and snap back to his miserable reality, maybe cry for an hour or two, your voice croaks out a, ''Hello, who is this? I can hear you breathing, creep. Helloooo?''

''A-Ah, [Name]! This is, uh, Karamatsu.'' He stutters and twirls his hair around his finger. ''I was pondering over the possibility of us taking a stroll together, bathing in the sun and sharing masterful pastries－"

''A date. You want us to go on a date.''

''Yes,'' Karamatsu admits, or rather embraces the simplified idea of it all. ''It's okay if you don't want to, of course, m'lady! I-I wouldn't force you or anything, it's entirely up to you.''

You pinch your nose on the other line, ''Karamatsu, shut up, 'kay? Yes, I wanna go on a date with you, otherwise I wouldn't have paid for your broke ass last night. Now give me a time and place.''

''You do? You actually want to willingly hang out with me?'' He questions and you can practically smell his meekness and self-doubt oozing out of him even through the phone.

''You're the one who hit up my line first, no takebacks hotshot.'' You say, half-joking.

''Why, yes of course. As expected of my favourite Karamatsu girl!'' My only Karamatsu girl up-to-date. ''Obviously, you desire to spend every waking moment together with me, just as much as I do.''

''Time and place, please and thank you.'' You cut him off mid-effusion.

After arranging the date and going over the details, Karamatsu giddily spins and hugs himself. Then, he slaps his face and nods to no one in particular, as a form of confirmation to his invisible hype men.

Choromatsu stares at him judgementally from the stairway, face twisted in its usual sociopathic manner.

Osomatsu leans over in order to whisper in his ear, "What's up with him? He's acting weirder than usual."

Choromatsu scowls. "I don't wanna know, besides if we show interest that means we're going to have to put up with him."

Osomatsu nods in agreement and rubs under his nose with a finger, "True. It's way too damn early for his theatrics." Then, he throws in his assholish laugh for good measure.

The two of them choose to close their eyes and pretend this never happened in the first place, trudging up the stairs and going right back into their shared room without a care in the world.

★

You check the time and grimace. He's awfully late for someone who asked you out first. You wouldn't say you're the most punctual person in the world, but even still you decided to get all dolled up and ended up arriving early for a change of pace.

At first, you didn't mind waiting for him. Life happens after all, right? Maybe something came up last minute and he couldn't put it off, but if that were the case he would have informed you beforehand, right? Right?

You feel as though you're a step closer to becoming a wacko, but suddenly shake your head to rid your mind of such thoughts and smile to yourself. He'll show up, you're sure of it.

But after thirty more minutes of this nonsense, you're on the verge of throwing a tantrum and disrupting the public tranquility because you got stood up. What a fucking jerk, you think and puff out your cheeks.

Just as you're about to leave, maybe actually run someone over and kill them to make yourself feel better and perhaps blow all of your money on cheap gigolos, you stop and widen your eyes at the sight that greets you.

There's no mistaking those sequinned pants and shiny cowboy boots. Your date, with his wounds all gone and miraculously healed, saunters over to you like he's a runway model, catwalking with a bit of an attitude as if he didn't keep you waiting for half an hour.

He halts when there's barely any distance between the two of you, takes off his shades and flashes you his pearly whites which emit an ominous sparkle and you're temporarily rendered blind. ''Sorry for the wait.''

You grind your teeth together and force yourself to grin, ''Don't worry about it, but what took you so long.''

Karamatsu nervously chuckles and glances to the side, looking anywhere but you.

How the hell is he supposed to tell you that he spent most of the time hiding and sneaking peeks in your direction, but simply didn't have enough courage to approach you and that it took him at least twenty minutes to muster it? Simple, he won't tell you.

Instead, he strikes a pose under the nonexistent limelight. ''A star like me is obligated to be fashionably late.''

''Well, the star better make sure it doesn't happen again or it'll be one sad day for your fanbase,'' you threaten with an innocent smile, batting your eyelashes.

Karamatsu gulps and nods, but an invisible light bulb turns on above his head and he snaps his fingers. ''Oh, yes! How can I forget? I got a present for you, my Karamatsu girl."

You 'ooh' and 'aah' in curiosity, while he retrieves whatever he brought along with him in the meantime.

When he pulls out a tank top with his face on it, the exact same one he's wearing as well, you don't know what to say in response. In fact, your brain might actually be buffering.

Have we lost the impact of shame in our modern-day society? You think in disdain, fighting off the pain in your ribs.

He blushes and hands it to you nonchalantly, ''Here, wear this so suitors know not to mess with you. Once they see you and I together, matching garments and walking hand in hand, they shall understand who the one true power couple is.''

You blink twice and slowly accept the gift, then without any hesitation whatsoever you put on the tank top and wear it over your clothes. You're in too deep already, anyway.

''Thanks a lot, Karamatsu. I, uh, don't know what to say,'' you fake flattery at his sincere act of courtesy, though you're not necessarily lying either. You genuinely have no idea what to say to this entire ordeal.

''No need to thank me, sunshine.'' He pirouettes in slow motion and when he stops, he stretches his hand out for you to take. There is an aura surrounding you and you can make out dreamy bubbles floating around him. And where did the harp come from? ''Now allow me to whisk you off to paradise.''

You grab his hand and excitedly lead him to your parked motorcycle. ''Great, let's go!'' You pat the pillion and stare at him expectantly.

Upon noticing his silence, you stop ushering him to the seat. ''What's wrong, Karamatsu?''

He scratches his nape and lets his head droop low. ''Is it... Um, do we have to get on top of that...'' He points a weak finger at the bike and trembles. What can he say, he has a fear of motorbikes now.

You pout at his inquiry. ''What, you don't wanna? But I thought you were into stuff like this. Why else would you wear a leather jacket?''

Karamatsu winces and immediately rushes to pacify you. ''No, no! That's not it! I was testing your limits, my dear Karamatsu girl. I apologize if－''

You laugh and place a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. ''I was just kidding, but if you're really scared we don't have to. It's my fault, after all.''

Karamatsu juts his lip and furrows his eyebrows in determination. He draws a breath and wraps his fingers around your wrist with ease, advancing towards the vehicle with you right behind him.

You gaze at him with something akin to awe, or is it incredulity? He plants himself on the seat and looks back to address you.

''A real man knows better than to turn down a lady and disappoint her,'' he states conclusively. You chuckle and follow suit, sitting down on the saddle.

You grip his arms and move them so they're wrapped around your waist. You twist and turn the key and the engine roars to life in one swoop. ''Hold on tight, [Name] boy.'' You tease his way of talking and take off without a second warning.

His head smacks against your back with a rather rough thud and Karamatsu's clasp around your midsection is already tight enough to cut off your air supply. And even if you feel his tears dampening your clothes, you don't comment on it. Instead, you pick up even more speed and in turn, Karamatsu's hug deepens.

''Shouldn't we be wearing safety helmets,'' Karamatsu yells through the lump in his throat, his ears ringing and head spinning.

You shout back at him, ''Who even wears these things nowadays?'' At the lack of your elaboration, he figures you're dead serious and he's petrified all over again.

You laugh maniacally, or at least you do so in his mind, as you go off course, making sharp turns left and right at every corner to wreak havoc on innocent people's lives.

You narrowly dodge two pedestrians and Karamatsu is finally desensitized enough to smile and blush as he takes in the ever-changing view.

There's something sweet in the way you repeat a certain motion whenever you hear him chuckle and cheer, he can't pinpoint if that's the starving desperation that thirsts for touch and companionship or something else entirely.

But then something punctures your tire and he's pulled out of dreamland all at once.

The two of you wobble on the unstable bike for a bit before you pull him by the jacket and jump off the motorcycle, rolling on the ground like you two were in an action movie. The motorcycle continues on its way without your guidance and eventually crashes into a tree, exploding.

A tire with a flame on it flies over your heads and you study the fire, unimpressed with pursed lips. ''Thank god it was a gift from my ex, otherwise I would've been in some deep shit.''

Karamatsu sinks to the ground and curls up in a ball.

★

You plop your ass on the grass next to Karamatsu, handing him a soda you bought from the convenience store nearby. Karamatsu mutters a small 'thank you' and takes a sip.

The two of you sit in complete silence on the riverbank and you're too abashed to begin talking first, finding the whole outcome to be your fault. You've given this man too many apologies for them to feel truthful at this point. Maybe he should do the most logical thing and start evading you. You deserve it.

Amidst your inner conflict, Karamatsu fixes you with a solemn look and chooses to break the ice. ''[Name], am I ugly?''

Taken aback by the unusual question, you cock your head to the side. ''Huh?''

''Tell me, am I ugly?''

You consider him for a moment longer and then gently cup his face with your hands, inspecting it from every possible angle you could manage.

You narrow your eyes in concentration before ruffling his hair. ''Not at all.''

''Really?''

''Not in the slightest. Well, at least I see the appeal." You shrug noncommittally. ''Why're you asking, though? That pretty much came out of nowhere.''

''Because if I'm not ugly, then why would you want to kill me? Every woman I meet either ignores me, beats me half to death or hates me. Why? Am I really that painful? Is that going to be my fate for the entirety of my life?''

You blink and hum in thought, placing a finger on your chin. ''Very, you're real painful but not enough for me to want to kill you, I guess. I think you just have extremely bad luck.''

Karamatsu frowns and crosses his arms, ''You think so? Is it really just bad luck or is there something bigger at play?''

The two of you ponder over what the real cause of Karamatsu's misfortune may be before your stomachs growl in protest simultaneously.

This seems to revive his alter ego because Karamatsu jolts and he appears pleased, almost as if he had been waiting for this exact same moment. He chuckles and spreads eagle, facing the sun. You're concerned he's going to get a heat stroke.

''It's finally my turn,'' Karamatsu announces, though you're not sure he knows what he's talking about. ''I shall take the princess to an exquisite place, where she can try real fine dining!''

He strokes his imaginary facial hair, winking. Even his eyebrows seem more refined. ''Follow my lead, dove.'' You were going to do just that even without him saying anything, but you salute him regardless.

Even though mere minutes ago it was still sunny, for some reason it's already dark out. You and Karamatsu trek for what must have felt like hours until he stops dead in his tracks. You wonder why until you spot the lonely food stall and smile.

You and Karamatsu make yourselves comfortable on the bench and he greets the owner, ''Yo, Chibita! How's your night been so far?''

It just turned nighttime... You deadpan.

''Y'know, dealing with jackasses of your kind－,'' Chibita scoffs before pausing, turning to you with unblinking eyes. Then, after he's done assessing you, he redirects his attention to Karamatsu. ''You payin' for rental girlfriends again? Get some dignity, man.''

You raise an eyebrow in question, but sneer and hide it with your fist. ''Rental girlfriend? That's a good idea, why didn't I think of that?''

Karamatsu's expression sours. ''[Name] isn't a rental. Besides who are you to talk, Chibimi?''

''Shut up, don't remind me! I was in a dark place, idjit,'' Chibita yells in response and smacks him on the head with a ladle and you watch their antics with a hint of amusement.

''Anyway,'' Karamatsu waves him off, despite the large bump he earned on his forehead. ''Give us the best oden and beer you've got in store, I'll make sure my woman eats right tonight.''

You shudder in surprise as Karamatsu takes your hand into his own, gazing at you with what must be an entire galaxy in his eyes and you wonder where he found those E.T. contact lenses. ''Don't hold back, order whatever your heart desires. It's all on me.''

Chibita complies with the request, serving two portions of oden and the beverages Karamatsu asked for. Though, he can't help but want to sate his curiosity. ''With what money?''

''With the money I exploited from my Mommy,'' Karamatsu boasts like that's something to take immense pride in.

After three to four rounds of drinking and pigging out on Chibita's oden, it was time to wrap up and call it a night.

Karamatsu snakes his hands in his pockets in search of the money he claimed to have, but he freezes as he finds nothing instead. Turning his pockets inside out, a fly flutters out of them and Karamatsu pales.

You seem to get the memo and nod conspiratorially his way.

You square your shoulders as Karamatsu nervously clears his throat. ''Chibita...,'' he begins before throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. ''I'm so sorry, I'll pay you back someday!''

Chibita stands still for a couple of seconds, processing. Afterwards, he lunges over the counter and begins chasing you. ''Damn it, idjit! You promised you'd pay, get back here! Damn it!''

With Chibita hot on your heels, Karamatsu goes through several alleyways as last resort shortcuts, and you come to the conclusion that Chibita is probably really scary if Karamatsu's going through so much trouble just to lose him and shake him off your trail.

"You can put me down now," you grumble and make a face. Karamatsu panics, just now realizing what predicament he had put you in, and sets you down with extra care.

"I apologize for that," he huffs out, attempting to catch his breath with his hands on his knees. You rub his back, acting as his emotional support.

Looking around the vicinity in search for any signs of Chibita, you come up empty. Helping Karamatsu to his feet, you deliver the good news. "He's gone, so you can stop looking constipated."

He sighs, relieved. "Such is the result of an eventful night. However, I will make sure your journey back home is undisturbed."

You shake your head in disagreement and throw an arm around his shoulder. "I think you've had enough, tough guy. Here, how about I take you home?"

Karamatsu seems distraught at the very idea of it, but for your sake he flips his hair and leers. "Your wish is my command."

With his directions, you manage to escort him back to his house safe and sound. Karamatsu opens his mouth to blurt out something, but is caught off guard by the abrupt change in the weather.

You both run with impressive speed under his house's roof to take cover and you deduct that the rain wouldn't be letting up for a while.

"Well, this sucks," you point out the obvious. Karamatsu nods wordlessly.

You think about calling a taxi, but something gets draped over you. You look down and are pleasantly astonished to discover that it's Karamatsu's leather jacket.

Said man is quivering in his flimsy excuse of a tank top, licentiously grinning at you with a very obvious snot bubble emerging out of his nostrils. "C-C-Can't le-let my favorite Karamatsu girl catch a cold." He elaborates for whatever reason.

"Well, I can't keep my favorite [Name] boy out for much longer, either." You give him a brief hug and were about to pull away, but Karamatsu is apparently not done dishing out surprises.

He grips your shoulders with resolve, before leaning in and kissing you on the cheek. It's a quick, demure kiss and if you were to blink, you would've missed it.

Nonplussed by his own boldness, Karamatsu stumbles towards the door with two left feet, barely succeeding in opening it.

"Get back home safely, [Name]!" He bids you farewell in true virgin fashion and slams the door shut in your face. You cackle, violently laughing to yourself and then crack a small smile, pressing a palm to your kissed cheek.

You must look like a fool, standing out in the rain while wearing a loser's clothes, but honestly? You've never felt better after such a tragic date.

★

You sigh and sling a towel over your shoulder, more than a little happy to finally clock out. Tonight had been particularly busy for some reason and working with a slight hangover was far from ideal, but it wasn't something you couldn't handle.

You dab your fellow bartender up, not even bothering to spare him a glance, and begin packing up your things with fervor.

He issues you a sly wink, ''Going home so soon, [Last Name]?''

Get a clue, wise guy. You internally roll your eyes, but only offer an exhausted smile. ''Not necessarily, got to make a pit stop on the way home.''

Akihito, you remember, folds his hands behind his head, rocking on his heels. ''Paying your boyfriend a visit?'' He hums cheekily.

You blink. ''Huh?''

He gestures towards the paper bag in your hands, which barely concealed the shitty leather jacket you were so generously lent.

You furrow your brows and scratch your cheek with an awkward expression. ''Wouldn't really call him a boyfriend...''

Akihito stretches, whining, ''You can be so cold, y'know. I feel sorry for the poor guy.''

''Another word and I'll really make you sorry.''

Akihito throws up a peace sign, grinning from ear to ear. ''Night, [Last Name]!''

You grumble under your breath and throw the towel on the ground. Akihito hears you say something along the lines of 'thought so' and other such death threats, but he feeds off your negativism. He odiosynthesizes and you know that, which makes you feel better about brushing him off, at least.

The walk to Karamatsu's place is as unmemorable as can be, and while it wouldn't kill you to see him again and chat for a bit, you don't think you'd be able to put up with him for long (or anyone else for that matter). When you spot his house, you brace yourself before sharply knocking on the door.

Well, you were supposed to knock but somehow developing last-minute Spidey senses, Karamatsu tears open the door to his balcony and puts a stop to your supposedly evil schemes. ''Don't'!'' He manages to both whisper and scream at the same time.

''What are you doing here at this hour, angel? Trying to get me crucified, perhaps?'' Karamatsu interrogates you and considering how disheveled his appearance is, you reach the conclusion that his fictional persona is merely an afterthought at the moment. You find a peace of mind at the conjecture.

''I'm just here to return your jacket,'' you say like it was obvious, which it should have been.

''I see.'' He doesn't see jackshit. ''But I cannot help but wonder why you didn't call beforehand. I, too, need my fair share of beauty sleep, sweetheart.''

Your eye twitches and you ball your fists, but remember to count to ten in your head.

''For your information, I called three times but maybe if someone bothered to pick up, I wouldn't be robbing you of your sweet dreams,'' you hiss in reply, proud of yourself for not chucking his damned jacket in the trash can in his presence.

Karamatsu rubs the crust from his eyes, though he does appear sheepish to a degree. ''My sincere apologies.''

You scoff, glad to have come out on top at this pointless back-and-forth.

Karamatsu anxiously chews on his lower lip, trying his best to conjure up a plan that will avoid his certain death at the hands of his brothers. Not even for waking them up at three in the morning, but for the mere fact that he was 'romancing' a hot chick.

Then he grins and looks down at you like a mad genius. He couldn't be further from the word.

''Climb up and join me on the roof, [Name],'' he suggests and acts as if it was a perfectly reasonable demand.

You undeliberately blank out for a second before chuckling lowly and nodding in understanding. ''I get it now. You're actually fucking nuts and escaped from a correctional facility.''

Look who's talking, Karamatsu wants to retort but he keeps it to himself. He beckons you over encouragingly, ''Please, [Name] dearest. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. I'll be your guardian angel.''

You're acutely aware that something will definitely happen, so you only click your tongue, still apprehensive about the proposition.

Karamatsu continues to stare at you with that tender smile, though it's different this time. His hair is sticking out in different directions, ungroomed. His eyes are heavy, bloodshot and sleep still clings to him as he staggers slightly in his step. But he's smiling at you, it's real.

You put aside your concerns for now and exhale slowly, biting the handles of your paper bag.

You jump and grab a hold of the portico, flailing your legs to help stabilize yourself. Your fingers burn because this is the most physically exerting thing you've done in your life thus far.

You push yourself up on the portico and, just like a mollusk, inch forward bit by bit. Karamatsu tries his hardest not to laugh at your misery, but he's unable to take you seriously. You're moving slower than an old man with two broken legs, plus you look like you have a stick shoved up your ass.

Once you're a safe distance away from the edge, you extend your arms and Karamatsu takes this as his cue to act and be useful.

He grabs your hands and hauls you up on the balcony, but this quest is not over just yet. You have to conquer the final boss; the rooftop.

''I have an idea,'' you both blurt out at random. You don't care much about that, but Karamatsu is over the moon at the perfect synchronization.

Coincidence or not, the two of you end up cooking up the same strategy.

You get on top of Karamatsu's shoulders and with the sudden added height, reaching the roof is a piece of cake. After settling your ass down on the tiles, you grit your teeth and clasp hands with him for the umpteenth time, having him work his way up as well.

With a heave-ho, Karamatsu is free to lie down beside you.

You're hit with a much needed reality check. All of this over a second-hand jacket? Unbelievable.

Tossing the paper bag on his lap carelessly, you scowl. ''You're welcome, asshole.''

''C-Come on, my dear Karamatsu girl. It wasn't that bad, right?''

''Speak for yourself...''

Karamatsu props up his elbows, craning his head up just enough to be able to see you. ''It's such a shame, however. The view from here is perfect, all that's missing is my guitar. Too bad my precious brothers are sleeping soundly.''

''Yeah, about that. I don't know what any of your brothers have to do with this, 'cause whatever the fuck this was could've been easily prevented.'' You cross your arms and turn away from him, establishing a decent amount of room between the two of you.

''You wouldn't understand, darling. Yes, even if I did give you an explanation.'' He responds, and you feel as though he was reading your mind. You shiver at the sheer thought.

The two of you don't indulge in idle chatter afterwards since you're too busy looking back on all of your previous life decisions, trying to figure out what led you to go down such paths. Karamatsu, on the other hand, is gliding himself closer to you.

You notice his ventures and decide to cut him some slack. You shift, erasing the previous space you set and move a hand to place on his shoulder. He hiccups at the touch and begins stammering, playing with his fingers. ''Hahaha... your eyes shine so brightly under the moon's glow.''

You shush him, still not in the mood to listen to his poetic nonsense and bullshit of similar nature.

The two of you stare each other down and Karamatsu does his best to put up a brave front, but you're not blind and you see the way he peers at you from under his lashes, sweating like a musclehead.

Before things could escalate any further, which you doubt is something that would have happened considering who exactly you're dealing with, the both of you slip off the edge.

You're falling and Karamatsu is too, and while you're mostly accepting of the scenario, he isn't. You're more surprised at the fact that this man-child's shrill wails aren't waking up the entire neighbourhood, though they're probably accustomed to these kinds of phenomena by now.

In order to break your fall, Karamatsu adjusts mid-air so as to be under you. He shoves your face into his chest, embracing you but his actions prove to be the wrong move as they merely speed up the process of nosediving into the concrete.

The two of you flop like prepped meatballs on a grill, a sinistrous thump resonating at the dead of night.

You briefly register the sizzling elbow pain you've obtained and Karamatsu's jaw headbutting you at the last second, but other than that you took it pretty well － all thanks to Karamatsu's interference. Perhaps chivalry isn't dead?

While you got out of this with barely any injuries, just small scratches, the same couldn't be said for Karamatsu, who was currently experiencing concussions.

You pat his chest lightly to snatch up his attention. Karamatsu groans, seeing stars floating above him. You make yourself comfortable despite the joint strains, snuggling up to him. ''I'm egging your house soon, be aware.''

He passes out before he could formulate a coherent reply.

★

You haven't seen neither hide nor hair of Karamatsu ever since the rooftop fiasco. And you don't want to sound needy, or downright crazy for that matter, but you miss the man with horrible pick-up lines and over-the-top attitude. Him and his awful sense of fashion, not to mention the strong cologne.

Perhaps you've been infected with some new kind of mental illness, one so new and fresh out of the oven it has yet to be diagnosed by teenage girls with too much free time on their hands.

First, you visit Chibita for any sort of intel he might possess.

''Karamatsu? Sorry, him and his brothers hadn't stopped by as of recent.'' He shrugs apologetically and whips out oden skewers, serving them to you.

You nod and grin at him in understanding, paying for the food before scurrying away on a full stomach.

Next, you consider what other options you have at your disposal. Calling him has proven to be absolutely useless and you're not sure if paying his house a visit would be a good idea, given how worked up he got over such a possibility last time.

You search far and wide, in every nook and cranny, not leaving a single stone unturned. But alas, no dice. Not a trace of him anywhere and you speculate the probability of him glitching into The Backrooms.

You're about to give up, hunting Karamatsu for sport and worrying about him won't do you any good.

You're not getting paid for this, you also don't know him all too well to be actively seeking him out. His dramatic temperament has rubbed off on you, but you're ready to wash it off.

See if I care, you huff and kick a stray can in your way. You're aware of how childishly you're behaving, but you bluff fake indifference as if anyone would be stupid enough to believe you.

You stomp angrily and punt another can with your foot, but accidentally hit someone when doing so.

You flinch and prepare to half-ass an apology before realizing you hit the man you've been getting grey hairs over.

''Karamatsu?'' You blink and crouch down to shake him by the shoulders. ''Hey, what's wrong?''

Karamatsu weakly smiles and shuffles away, offering you a seat next to him on the curb.

You frown, ''Seriously, what happened?''

Karamatsu laughs, manspreading. ''I'm grateful for your concern, but it's... Well, it's simply a foolish thing to be upset about.''

''If it upset you, then it's not dumb.'' You respond, reassuring him to the best of your ability. ''Now, spill the beans.''

''I've been thinking about my personality, I guess?'' He mutters and cracks his knuckles, he tends to fidget quite a lot. ''Like, am I annoying? Trying too hard? Should I stop?''

You listen to him and stay quiet, occassionally rubbing his back. ''I want to be liked.'' You quirk an eyebrow at that, but don't interrupt him otherwise.

''It's lame at my big age to want to be popular, but I wanna be kissed. I wanna have a girlfriend and go on dates, but I'm afraid my personality will drive everyone away."

For fuck's sake, he was called Shittymatsu and frankly, he's surprised you were able to withstand him for so long.

''Karamatsu, want me to be completely honest,'' you ask. He nods rapidly at you. You hum softly, ''I didn't lie before, you are painful. You say so much corny stuff, I'm impressed you can even look yourself in the mirror.''

He cringes, but you pay him no heed. Instead, you continue, ''I mean, really? Who wears tank tops with their face slapped right in the middle, what a fucking dork. But, y'know, I kinda like it now.''

''Huh?''

''I think that type of shit grew on me, for better or worse. I, too, have become a member of the cornball community." You admit and you shudder at your mushy honesty.

You rub the back of your head in embarrassment, "When you say all of these dumb nicknames and act like you own all of Akatsuka Ward a small part of me wishes I die on the spot, but I don't necessarily hate it.''

You hug him and bring him closer to you. You snicker and peck him on the forehead, ''Don't worry so much about who ignores you or hates you is all, when you have someone who likes you despite every cringe one-liner right in front of ya.''

''You're right.'' Karamatsu returns the hug, sniffing and holding back tears. ''[Name]?''

''Yeah?''

''You're a true Karamatsu girl.''

Getting kisses from a hot lady? Karamatsu would love that. And the prospect of you being the one to give them to him, with that warm smile which makes your nose crinkle up, makes the scenario sound even better.

But for now, he's content with you simply pressed up against his side, where he can easily peer over at you and study your face until it's burned and etched forever into his brain. Subtly, of course.

You look up at him with a raised eyebrow after feeling him drill holes in your head since forever, which in turn leads Karamatsu to let out an urbane chuckle and lamely pretend to fix his stray strands of hair, and you can't help but snort at his usual theatrical character.

You sigh and rest your forehead against his. "Painful," you mumble under your breath, though definitely loud enough for him to hear, then giggle.

Karamatsu playfully frowns in response. "My flower, you should know by now that no pain means no gain." He tuts with an exaggerated wag of his finger, eyes animatedly glittering.

You laugh in utter disbelief before shaking your head, wrapping a loose arm around his waist. "Sorry, sorry. You know damn well I don't mean it, right?"

Karamatsu hums and his lips curl upwards to form a small, fond smile. He places his chin on your shoulder and you lean into him even more.

Yeah, Karamatsu could get used to this. For now, that was more than enough for him.

Getting kisses from a hot lady really would be nice, but watching the sun set on the cold pavement with you next to him feels good, too. And hey, you are a hot lady, so what's there to hate?

And to think all of this was thanks to your irresponsible driving.

Osomatsu whistles, nudging Choromatsu as they stared at the two of you from afar. Despite their earlier sentiments, curiosity got the better of them and they decided to investigate their brother's own private time. It's not like he could file a restraining order against them, he would be tortured.

"Kudos to Karamatsu, I actually salute him for managing to bag a real human being. Didn't think he had it in him." Osomatsu snickers, hands deep in his hoodie's pockets.

Choromatsu appears depleted beyond belief, eyeing you both with evident disapproval on his facial features, "What sort of lobotomized romance was this? Felt more like a simulation."

Osomatsu and Choromatsu sigh, both fully synchronized, and groan out, "It should have been me."

#ososan x reader #osomatsu san x reader #ososan karamatsu x reader #karamatsu x reader #matsuno karamatsu x reader #osomatsu san karamatsu x reader #ososan matsuno karamatsu x reader #osomatsu san matsuno karamatsu x reader #karamatsu #matsuno karamatsu

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beastszai · 10 months ago

Text

✦ Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (2/2) ✦

part 1

!!! THIS POST CONTAINS STORMBRINGER SPOILERS !!!

♫ Orchard - OMORI

✧ warnings : STORMBRINGER SPOILERS・mentions of s*icide, death, hospitalization, alcoholism, etc.・angst・pure angst…・ooc (???)

✧ a/n : got way too long im sorr… but I love chuuya so much and all these headcanons have been eating dust in the back of my head and im so happy (lie) to finally post them

w/c : 950

!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!

✦ Chuuya :

Chuuya’s parents weren’t blessed with a child even after years of marriage…

…So when he was born, they were so happy that they celebrated 3 days and nights (like the real Chuuya Nakahara !!)

Such a sweet boy… very polite and a tiny bit shy

He actually had an amazing bond with both his parents

And they loved him a lot, too!

How mini Chuuya would help his mom around the house, how he would randomly tell her that he loves her :,^)

Chuuya was probably interested in his father’s work (military doctor, like the real Chuuya’s father!!)

AUGHH he would peek at his dad working with those big blue curious eyes

Also, unlike Dazai, I headcanon that Chuuya has siblings!

2 little sisters!!

When his first little sister was born, he was probably around 3 or 4

Was quick to grow attached to his sister

And when his second sister came around, he was around 7

Was very overprotective of his sisters, and had a big soft spot for them

Would piggyback carry their younger sister every morning to school while holding his other sisters hand

Brilliant kid

Adored by absolutely everyone and everything

Chuuya and the family dinners with the rest of the Nakahara family SIGHHH

His mom always worried about him not eating enough (even though he did.)

His dad developed this hobby and habit of checking Chuuya and his sisters’ heights and mark them on the wall

Chuuya wasn’t the happiest when he figured that his younger sister was nearly the same height as him…

And regarding Stormbringer and how he was put in a lab…

Ohhh how his mom was losing her mind over Chuuya’s father allowing such a thing

His family kind of… grew distant and fell apart from then on

Constant arguing between his parents while he was in the lab… how his sister would cover their younger sister’s ears each time they’d argue

She’d ask where Chuuya had gone every now and then, but it was like a forbidden topic in the house

His mom would either tear up or just lash out on his sister

And his dad would yell and cuss her out, saying things like “Goddammit stop asking stupid questions! He’s fine for god’s sake!!! Be patient and he’ll be back sooner than you think!!!”

Chuuya’s dad wasn’t very happy with the decision he made either

Regretting it like crazy and losing sleep, losing focus…

And once the news broke that their one and only son was dead (aka his clone… fuck stormbringer bro…)

His family was worse than ever before.

Chuuya’s dad cried… a lot. Fell into being an alcoholic for a long time

His sisters? Despite their young age and how they couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of death…

They were devastated. Completely had their hearts and souls shattered

But his mom… she was the worst out of them all

It broke her so much that she couldn’t even cry over her son’s death

She was left in a daze, unaware of her surroundings and just… in her own world

Though, once it registered in her mind? How she would scream and cry at odd hours of the night, begging for Chuuya…

She would push away anyone who would try to comfort her, hit them and curse them out, only wanting Chuuya

Even though Chuuya’s ‘death’ had sunk in and she understood it, she’d scream at everyone to get away from her and that ‘only Chuuya can come close to her’

S*icide attempts became a regular thing

…the amount of times Chuuya’s dad was called during work hours and just rushed home to stop his wife from taking her life…

His sister lost sleep and stopped being the top student at school because of how difficult everything had become

Their younger sister was a bit better, considering she was small

But it still hurt, she’d call Chuuya out of habit, just to remember that he was never gonna answer her calling out to him

His mom’s situation got so bad that she was hospitalized for years

And even now that the entire Nakahara family has accepted Chuuya’s ‘death’

His mom hasn’t. She’s doing a lot better than before getting hospitalized but…

She always seems to be spaced out. She doesn’t smile or laugh, and even when she does… it seems forced and it’s only for a brief moment

His mom doesn’t talk much, not to anyone

She often spends her time talking to framed pictures of Chuuya. She still cries every now and then, but tries to hide it…

And honestly? I think that Chuuya has considered going back to his family

He’s coincidentally seen his sisters and made sure they got home safely from school/work while watching from afar… then return to his own work

It scares him to go back, not only because of him putting their lives on the line for being a mafia executive

But also because he’s supposed to be ‘dead’. That’s what his family believed and has learned to live with…

So if he were to show up at his childhood home, he’d make them confused

And he can’t even imagine how they would react if he were to go back

So Chuuya just watches over them from a distance…

But maybe, just maybe one day he’ll gather up the courage and listen to the voice in his head telling him to go back

That day won’t be anytime soon, not now. He can’t go back until he’s sure the time is right for him to do so.

Until then, Chuuya just prays that they’ll stay safe and alive…

That’s when he can return to his family, his home…

132 notes · View notes

alexa-fika · 2 months ago

Note

Im seriously asking for a part 2 for muzlim reader x ASL the first one was so adorable.

I want some action so can you add something with danger and The Bluejam pirates. Like reader gets taken? (Idk)

Jam pack meetings (ASL x f!child! Reader)

First of all I want to give a huge thanks to both @fangirl0027 and @onepiece-asl-lover for beta reading this to make sure it was respectful and accurate. Thank you Lover for being patient with me and informing about the different aspects of the religion and what some of it’s customs entail and thank you Fan for helping me further include the muslim identity into the story and for all your A+ writing and general feedback.

Okay with that out of the way I want to point out that making a part two of the previous part with the bluejam pirates wouldn’t really work out as the bluejam pirate scuffle happened before they were friends (Let’s go with this and not the fact that I did it this way cause I totally forgot it was supposed to be a second part) so this piece is completely independent to the previous one. But guys guys I really really like how it turned out and I hope you guys do too 🤭. Also peek that tittle, get it Jam packed? Because it’s the bluejam pirates? 😀

Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for Reader in japanese

Dividers by @/fireflygraphics and @/drinkthesky

“Ace, I really think you are going overboard here,” Dokucha called hesitantly, watching Luffy run away from the tree trunk Ace had sent to create distance from them.

“Shut up,” he snarled, his demeanor softening slightly as he noticed the small flinch his outburst had caused.

“Tch. If we don’t keep him away, that idiot will find our hideout; if that happens, it’s over, he’ll begin blabbering about it, and we’ll lose what we have done all these years,” he called, stomping off.

“Come on, Ace, look how stubborn he is; he has been at it for months; no matter how hurt he gets, I think he would keep the secret,” she repled, hurriedly running after him, carefully avoiding all the branches that threatened to snag her abaya.

“He could help us; having for people in on it would make sure we can get our ship faster.”

“As if,” he scoffingly laughed, much to the chagrin of Dokucha

“Like that idiot could save even a penny for the cause.”

“Jerk,” she mumbled as she frowned at Ace’s words.

“What was that?!”

“Nothing~” she laughed off, running past him and towards a familiar tree; whistling up towards it, she waited for the young boy she knew waited there

“Sabo, you here?” Ace hissed out

“Ah, you guys are here; I was beginning to think you weren’t coming,” a voice echoed back.

“Sorry, someone was being a jerk, so we’re a little late,” she called back teasingly with a roll of her eyes as she circled the tree, her abaya swirling at her ankles, ignoring the scathing glare said jerk sent her way.

“I did a job in town already.”

“So did I,” Ace laughed as he climbed the tree.

“As did I,” she parroted, following in after him, slowly taking hold of the vines that covered the tree. Gradually, she climbed up and began climbing not far from the boy. However, not noticing her feet had accidentally gone over the hem of her abaya, she miscalculated her steps, causing her to lose her balance.

Thankfully, Ace was not far from her and easily grabbed her hand, preventing her from falling.

She sighed in relief, feeling his harm firmly hold her back; confusion soon followed as she remained in that position for a while, annoyance filling her as she found her answers on the growing smirk of the young boy.

“You better apologize for calling me a jerk earlier,” he teased.

“Ace, stop fooling around and help me up,” she hissed.

“Take back what you said.”

“No!”

“Ah, I think you’re slipping.” he teased as he leaned forward, causing Dokucha to tip further back.

“Okay! Okay! I take it back. You’re not a jerk!” She yelled out, letting out a sigh when her words were rewarded by Ace pulling her up into one of the thicker branches of the tree, ignoring her glare with a satisfied smile on his face

“I told you You’re going to fall off one of these days,” he said as he plopped himself down next to Sabo.

“And I told you to stop worrying. I’m getting used to it. I just need to practice. I’m getting better,” she huffed out, joining the two boys as they all pulled out sacks of money.

“Alright, this is what I got,” he beamed, opening his earnings.

“What do you have, Ace?” He questioned as he repeated his previous actions with Ace’s sack, letting out a choked laugh at the amount that laid inside

“This is more than what I got! How did you get this much?!

“Got it from some punks; I think they were transporting it for Mercenary ships,” he boasted, the feeling amplified by the awe in both of his friend’s faces.

“Alright, Alright, what about you, Dokucha?” he inquired as he opened the final bag, staring shocked at the amount of money that the girl had managed to gather, joined by Ace, who dug his hand in the loot, watching the golden coins fell from his hands in a Cascade.

“Where do you get this much?! It’s almost as much as mine and Sabo’s combined.” he gaped.

“I did babysitting and petsitting up in Hightown, the people there are quite generous with my salary after I take care of their babies, especially the pet owners.” She beamed, watching as Sabo gleefully poured their combined gains into a secret compartment hidden by the tree

“Do you think we’re getting close?” She asked excitedly, leaning into the filled compartment

“We still got a long way to go.”

“How much do we need to buy a pirate ship?” Sabo asked, looking up at Ace

“Don’t know ten million? Hundred million, now shut it and hide it already; someone might see it,” he said, watching as Sabo complied, closing the compartment and once again rearranging the leaves and moss nearby to hide it further.

“A pirate ship?! Are you guys going to be pirates?! So am I!!” A voice bellowed from below them, causing all three of them to freeze at the fact that they had been discovered

“Luffy?!” She gawked, looking down at the boy, not noticing the glance Sabo and Ace shared behind her as they quickly scrambled down the tree

“W-wait Ace! Sabo, don’t you dare!” She pleaded, running after the two boys who tackled Luffy down, making quick work of him and tying him to a nearby tree

“Oh! It’s you!” Luffy exclaimed, looking at the girl

“Are you Ace’s friends?! Be my friend, too!” he exclaimed, beaming.

“Ok -

“Shut it.” Ace deadpanned easily, cutting him off, sending an accusatory finger toward Dokucha not taking his eyes off Luffy

“You too.”

“You followed me all the way here? I even took harder paths to avoid it,” Ace growled, turning to look at the rubber boy.

“This is why I told you to stay here too, Ace! And you too, Dokucha! Especially you! You already live in the gray terminal!”

“I’m sorry! I wanted to join Ace’s mountain training!” She wailed

“Well, that training backfired now,” he snapped back, ignoring the dejected look on her face at his scolding.

“We can’t leave him be; he will tell the whole town, so… let’s kill him,”

he muttered with a dark look taking over his features as he crossed his arms

“Let’s do it.” Sabo readily agreed, a similarly dark look on his face

Panicked, Dokucha hurried to stand in front of him, her covered arms extended to protect the boy.

“Guys, there has to be another w-

Once again, her words were cut off as the violent screams and protests of Luffy reverberated across the forest, and soon after, voices were able to be heard coming closer to them; with hurried words exchanged between the duo, Ace made quick work of the ropes holding Luffy down as he pulled the boy along, Sabo mirroring his actions with the young girl, all of them jumping into a nearby bush as the voices came closer.

They watched as Porchemy scouted the area with his subordinates. As they talked, Dokucha noticed something alarming, and she repeatedly tapped Sabo to gain his attention.

“What?!” he hissed

“Luffy’s gone,” she whispered back

“What?!” Ace choke out

“Where is he?” His question was answered as the girl simply pointed to the pirates they were hiding from, a very familiar form on their hands

“We have to help him!” she stated as she started pushing the bushes to get closer.

“No. Leave it, Dokucha,” Sabo snapped back, holding back the girl from jumping into the fray.

“But they will kill him!”

“Dokucha,” Ace hissed, helping Sabo in holding her down.

“We need to go move out treasure before the idiot babbles about it. Do you want to lose all the progress we made all these years?” he pleaded, holding her shoulders.

“Fine,” she deflated and agreed hesitantly, following after the two as they ran back towards their hideout, looking back as they dragged Luffy away.

“Luffy!” Dokucha whispered and shouted up at the boy, looking around as she approached him slowly, frowning at the image of the blood trickling down the hanging boy, guilt slowly filling her body at the sight

“It’s you! Are you here to save me?!” Luffy called, head snapping up

“Yes, now shush, or you’ll get us both caught!” she said, frown deepening at the state of his bruised face, pulling out an arrow from behind her and aiming for the rope holding him up, catching the injured boy as he fell into her arms.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” she muttered, helping him stand up.

“I don’t think so,” Porchemy cut in

Dokucha froze, turning around at the unexpected voice; before she could react, however, she was sent back with a powerful punch from his spiked gloves.

“Ack!” she groaned, rolling on the ground.

“I really liked this one too.” She briefly lamented at the blood debris now staining her abaya

“Are you also Ace’s friend?” he snarled, slowly approaching her.

“I won’t tell you anything,” she snarled, spitting out a blob of blood and glancing at her bow that now lay at the corner of the room, thrown aside with Porchemy’s attack.

“I’m sure you will change your mind once you are in the same condition as the twerp over there,” he spoke, gesturing towards the huffing Luffy next to her.

“No way! I won’t ever say anything to a jerk like you!” she sneered, moving in front of Luffy.

“We’ll see about that,” he roared, running towards her as she pulled Luffy close to her, enveloping him as she braced for the attack, only for it to be stopped as familiar voices joined the fray.

“Stop it!” Ace and Sabi roared as they charged toward Porchemy

“Ace!” she cried as Porchemy easily took a hold of him easily, choking him.

“Sabo!” He choked out, watching as said boy easily sneaked his way behind the giant and pummeled him to the ground with his pipe, running towards Dokucha and Luffy, taking hold of the boy and making a run for it, gesturing for the girl to follow suit

“Let’s get out of here, Ace!”

“You go on ahead; I will not run away from someone I am facing,” he stated as he stubbornly dug his feet to the ground.

“Ace, there is nothing to gain from this, so let’s go!” Dokucha howled

“Tch. You wait here.” Sabo muttered, dropping Luffy in a corner and turning to the girl, throwing her a familiar weapon

“My bow!”

“Watch my back!” he called, running towards the Porchemy and Ace, ready to join the fray.

“Of course!” she agreed, loading her bow and aiming for the pirate.

“Die,” she growled, letting go of the taut string while Sabo and Ace let out their own battle cries.

“You have a bad habit, Ace! You need to run when facing a pirate. Do you have a death wish?” Sabo yelled, scolding the boy and glaring at him as Dokucha tended to Ace’s wounds, wrapping them in bandages.

“I was so scared! I thought I was going to die!!” Luffy wailed

“Shut up! You’ve been crying for hours; I hate crybabies!” He shouted at the boy, wincing as the girl in front of her tightened his bandages more than needed

“Be nice.” She muttered, rolling her eyes as she finished bandaging him, watching him storm closer to the crying Luffy as she gestured towards Sabo, beginning to similarly work on his wounds

“Thanks -hic- Thank you for saving me”

“Yo-

“He’s just saying Thanks!” Sabo exclaimed from his spot in front of Dokucha as Ace made a run to tackle Luffy

“You know, I think those two will get along just fine,” She sighed affectionately with a smile on her face.

“You think so?” they seem like oil and water to me, the blond replied skeptically.

“Yes, but they have lots of things in common; they are both just as hotheaded and stubborn as each other,” she laughed, finishing the last bandage on the boy and giving him a slight tap to signal the boy on the completed job.

“You’re right there,” he mumbled, looking as said boys went at it

“Regardless, you and I are in trouble now,” he sighed, gaining the attention of Ace and Luffy as he mindlessly helped Dokucha with her own injuries, helping her tuck the hair strands peeking out from her hijab that had nearly come undone on the scuffle.

“We have been living in this dump, but with what we just did to the Bluejam pirates, that’s not safe anymore.”

“Then come stay with us,” Ace easily offered.

Here it is guys!!!! Again thank you for my beta readers for helping me with this, im so happy how it turned out and I hope you guys like it too!

Taglist:

@Imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

@hannahbarberra162

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italiansteebie · 2 years ago

Note

Idk if it was u or someone else that has already done this but I need Steve so out of it (hit his head or high or sum??) he literally forgets to speak English- like maybe he’s just saying stuff in Italian and he’s so confused bcuz no one understands him and he realizes he’s speaking his first language and not English.

Also the party would be drooling after him like?? He’s already cute and he speaks more then one language? Literally screaming!!!

tbh i've probably written something similar to this but for you anon, i'll do it again.

steve was walking, and if we want to get technical, he was really wandering, with robin trailing behind him. they weren't paying attention, they weren't really thinking, so.

it just so happened that steve wandered right into an opening door, and he fell back and smacked his head on the side walk. robin proceeded to lose her shit, cackling loudly before realizing he'd actually been hurt.

"oh, shit. dingus. are you okay?"

"oh fuck, i killed him!"

and what a surprise that was. eddie just so happened to cause this brutal door attack. his head was already swimming from the fall and now he has to form words around eddie? really?

"non sono mort." he mumbled, reaching back to run the spot where he hit his head.

"oh my god. he's having a stroke, he can't talk. call 911!" eddie was always one for the dramatics.

"robin, smettila di urlare. per favore."

"is that... italian??"

"non essere ridicolo. sto parlando un inglese semplice."

"steve. oh my god. parli italiano sul serio."

and that caused him to realize what he'd been doing.

"oh no! ha fatto perdere il mio inglese!"

robin doubled over in laughter. she knew it wasn't serious enough to call an ambulance, just knocked a few screws out of place.

"what? what'd he say?! oh my god. i changed steve's language. quick find the reset button!"

this only caused robin to laugh harder, her face turning red and tears leaking from her eyes. steve started to giggle at the sight, but eddie was still watching them, wide eyed.

"are- did i hit steve so hard it started effecting you too?"

as robin sobered up, she took a few shuddering breaths before she realized what just happened. "you speak italian! since when?" she shoved her finger in steve's face.

he groaned, "since always." he brightened, "hey! it's back."

"so i- i didn't change your language?"

"no. he's bilingual."

"oh! so you just decided that for me? you told me that stuff was personal, rob. but what does that have to do with you speaking italian?"

robin laughed shortly, "that's bisexual, dingus. bi lingual means you speak two languages."

"oh. then yeah. im bilingual."

"yeah, we've covered that. but since when?"

steve shrugged. "it'd be odd if i couldn't talk to my mom, right?"

robin shook her head. "it's like every time you open your mouth i found out some new lore about you, steve." and he just shrugged.

and eddie was still there watching this whole thing, trying not to pop a stiffy at the idea of steve speaking italian to him, all slow and sexy- no! bad eddie! steve is hurt, this is not the time.

"so." he dragged out. "i'm okay, ed's." steve assured. "yeah. okay, um. are you... so like. you're one bi... are you the other bi too... or?" eddie said awkwardly.

steve blushed and robin gagged. "yeah. is this your way of asking me on a date?"

eddie nodded dumbly.

"okay. tomorrow? bennys at 6?"

"uh. uh huh."

"sounds good, ed's. i should probably get my head checked out now. a domani, amore mio."

and that was it. suddenly eddie felt like he just got hit with a door. he was still reeling from the interaction when robins distant squealing broke him from his trance.

he shook his head.

steve's got more layers than he thought.

// i did use google translate so it won't be accurate.

"i'm not dead."

"robin, stop yelling. please."

"don't be ridiculous. im speaking plain english."

"you're speaking italian. seriously."

"oh no! he knocked my english loose!"

"see you tomorrow, my love."

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sirwadewilsonfromimgur · 2 months ago

Text

Deadpool & Wolverine: Amber Crimson and Noir

Authors note: this chapter contains story elements from "When two murderous Canadian mercenaries love each other very much..." aka the James chapter as well as the plot point from Amber Crimson and Noir so far. Enjoy the thrilling conclusion of the Noir ark. I hope you've read them

Content warning... Violence/Tourtre

[Pess play on opening music below]

youtube

Ark finale

Vanessa

Kansas city Missouri Earth-10005 2031

Vanessa had moved into one of the spare bedrooms of Logan and Wade's condos about two months ago, Dermot had set up a desk in the corner of the generously sized room that had a sweeping view of crown center. He was happily working from home but definitely out of his element. Even in a large home, Logan, Wade, and Althea were strange, loud, and .... unique room mates.

Vanessa had lived with Wade in the past, so she was used to Wade's quarks. However he'd developed some new ones. For instance,

The floor to ceiling windows present in almost every room had blackout curtains that had to be closed before the sun went down... Wade would run from room to room, closing the curtains. If he wasn't home and he walked in and someone else hadn't done this task he'd freak out, yelling " it's 6 o'clock and winter why are the fucking curtains still open! He'd then proceeded to sprint around the house, closing them.

It was compulsive but not without justification, due to an incident. During the day, everything is fine. All the windows had been coated with a reflective film. You couldn't see inside unless your face was pressed up against a window. But at night, the lights inside illuminate and defeat this privacy.

A sniper had put several holes through the window... and Wade... honeymoon phase of moving to a new city was over.

And now they needed new windows.

Years later, Logan had grown tierd this nightly curtain nonsense and had mechanical curtains installed that automatically shut at sundown... this didn't stop Wade's patrol, making sure the mechanism hadn't broken and looking in all the rooms to check the curtainshad indeed closed. It was just quicker now. Years later, this did lead to one embarrassing moment for James in his teen years

Sorry, kitten! By the way, that's perfectly normal. No need to feel shame about it.

FUCKING KNOCK NEXT TIME DAD!

The process of replacing the windows was the last straw of Wade playing nice with the HOA of the tower. Maranda (fucking bigoted bitch) had pulled her typical stall tactics and nonsense as a board member during the first remodel of the house.

Wade, to expedite the process had broken into the board president's unit and sat in his bedroom. Waiting for him to get home.

When he turned up and walked in his room, there was Wade on his bed, pointing a gun at him.

Hay Ed! Is this a memory foam mattress because it is comfortable as fuck... I usually avoid them because so often Logan gets too excited and stabs be when he's stabbing me if you know what I mean. *wink* and its just sucks all the blood up and never comes out. We've gone through 4 mattresses this year alone.

Mr. Wilson... please don't shoot.

Oh, Ed... I'm not here to shoot you. Im here to make a deal....

Wade hands him a shoe box labeled fuck me pumps.

Sorry about the box had to improvise. Logan got me those for our anniversary... it's all he wanted me to wear that night. Such a romantic... anyway, inside that box is three hundred thousand dollars in non sequential one hundred dollar bills. All for you, on the condition that whatever I want to do, I fucking get to do it without push back from You fuck's. If I want to put a giant inflatable godzilla on the roof with anatomically accurate genitalia for Halloween the only thing I want to hear is "what day is good for you to get that started"

He was installing level 10 bullet proof glass on the entire 19th floor, and whatever other security measures he saw fit in the common hallway, and they weren't gonna say shit about it. To add motivation to the bribe. A nine millimeter bullet with their name neatly written on it was given to them.

Here. Take this, hide it. Throw it away. Hell, put it on your mantel... I don't give a shit. Because if I really need to, I'll find that exact bullet again... and I'll give it to you again only the next time it will be moving really, really fucking fast. So don't make me give it to you again.

He did this with a majority of members of the HOA board and hadn't had any problems since...

Logan had been a less openly dramatic roommate. He had been consumed by his work. how Wade sweet talked his way into convenienceing him that now was a great time to have a baby, Vanessa would never know. Though she did know that mouth of his was more than just talented at yapping and quiping.

I wonder if Logan ever got the plastic vampire teeth on Halloween.

She was trying to avoid him when he was working. She didn't want to bother him while he was holed up in the office. Besides, he was smoking like a chimney on a poorly insulated house during a January blizzard. The smell of his cigars currently nauseated her, not to mention the second-hand smoke wasn't good for the baby evenin a well vintalated room like the office.

Logan had recently taken on a lot of investigative work. Detective shit. Murders, kidnappings, missing persons. He'd told vanessa that he really wanted to branch out from just being just killer. Not that she'd ever held that against him.

Some of her best friends were mercenaries, vigilantes, and contract killers. Hell, even the nerds at the Xmen put quite a few people in the ground, and she liked the one's she'd met.

From her understanding Logan had actually been doing well, he wasn't just a bloodhound, which he literally was. He told her that the egg had taken and she was pregnant before any tests were done. Lucky, first try. It was something they had all worried about.

Sometimes surrogacy takes a couple tries before one sticks... there was a 25% chance of failure and that's normal at least thats what the blue fuzzy doctor told them after the procedure.

I wonder what else he can smell on me and is too polite to mention.

Logan was also a decent investigator in his own right, followed clues, and noticed things the cops missed. He'd found quite a few missing persons, runaways mostly. He did his due diligence and made sure without question they weren't being abused, and that's why they ran away before returning them to their families. He'd even helped break up a sex trafficking ring.

Vanessa knew the trouble didn't really start until Logan took the case of his friend Maxine. She was murdered and dumped like so much garbage and not treated much better by the police handling the case. Vanessa had actually met her once at one of the boys' parties.

She remembered her and her partner Dal being warm and jovial with her. Though she'd heard that they were just as fiery as Logan and Wade at times, the only difference being their fights resulted in significantly fewer stabings as persons without a healing factor. Apparently, her case had been a brick wall Logan just couldn't claw through.

Vanessa herself had been fairing the last 2 months decently... the morning sickness was an annoyance. She'd felt like she'd been moving past that stage though.

It was a relief mostly because Wade had gone full mother hen

Vanessa, sweetheart, you ok in there?

I can hear you yacking and heaving like when Wolvy gets one of his hairballs.

I'm fine, Wade.

Ok... I just... Fuck! OW!

Ouch! Stop stabbing me, Lo! We'll take you to the vet and get some Laxatone. Fucking ow bad kitty!

One thing was certain tonight, Vanessa was board. She hadn't left the condo in about a week to do anything, Wade was out shopping, and Logan hadn't left the office since 9 am. it was now 9 pm... Dermot had an upset stomach. He made the mistake of trying the Satan sauce Wade kept for chimichanga nights, or lunch's in this case. He was warned by her and Wade. But he wanted to be one of the boys...

She texted all 3 of them and let them know she was going to Missy Bs, the drag bar that was just down the street. Dirty Dorothy was hosting shows their again, so Vanessa was double encouraged to go out and alleviate her bordum, she'd get a soda and watch the show. Perhaps be back in time to warm up her dinner and watch whatever Korean drama or old show on streaming that Wade was currently fixated on before going to bed. She did specifically tell Wade not to wait up for her since she knew he'd start cooking the second he got home.

She had stopped by an ATM and got about two hundred dollars in 5 dollar bills, it was customary to tip the drag queens, and being a former exotic dancer herself, Vanessa knew how important it was to be generous with the entertainment. Nothing worse than literally shaking your ass off only to find a G-string full of bills that added up to about 35 buck... and there was always at least one asshole who you had to call the bouncers on because he tried to slip a quarter in there.

Vanessa was actually well off, officially retired. She was serious when she said she'd offer her services as a surrogate as a friend, but not for free. In the midwest, the number of dollars currently in her NBKC account would last her the rest of her natural life and then some... she told Dermot he could retire too. But he liked work. Definitely the kind of guy that if he didn't have a 9 to 5 to go to, he'd disappear into an easy chair and an early grave... Vanessa also suspected he had a little of that toxic masculine pride, cant ask your sugar mama for money. It'd gotten him into trouble, you can't out marksman Wade at the range, You can't out drink Logan and live... and as he recently learned. You can't out hot sauce either of them.

Silly boys *she chuckles to herself*

The ride share had dropped her off at the door. She was a little early for the show. She walked in, got a ginger ale, and quietly thanked god that they didn't allow public smoking indoors in Kansas city.

The show, as expected, was a loud and flamboyant good time. A lot of the queens were aslo funny as fuck on top of being on point with thier costumes. Vanessa didn't leave the show with a single five dollar bill, and to her, it was money well spent.

She headed to the bar to get one last Ginger ale for the road when she was approached by a woman...

Hey pretty lady, can I buy you a cocktail...

Oh, sorry, I'm not drinking tonight. Just getting a Ginger ale...

Oh, cheap date then. She winked as she ordered the soda and a Martini for herself.

I appreciate the drink, but I don't want to lead you on. I'm in a pretty committed relationship...

That's ok. Vanessa... felt disarmed as she said this... it was odd, like for no reason, her defenses were down... and it was ok, sure she'll have the drink.

I'm just out trying to make friends, you know. It can be kinda lonely...

Again, she didn't quit understand, but Vanessa suddenly felt a little lonely and wanted the company.

Vanessa chatted with the lady for a while. She was about to tell her she needed to go home.

If you're hungry, there's this place called Town Topic. Fantastic burgers, been there since the depression or some shit. Open 24 hours... we should go.

Vanessa wanting to tell her that perhaps another time, that she really need to go... but instead she found herself hungry, and agreeing to go with this lady. It was weird... she felt compelled. Next thing she knew she found herself getting in to this lady's car.

Ya know, it's been a long night... why don't you take a little nap... I'll wake you up when we get there

No sooner than it was said.... Vanessa was out like a light, snoring lightly in the passenger seat.

Logan had stepped out of the office. It was getting close to 11pm, long day of brooding, and he worked up an appetite. Wade and Al had eaten already... when he opened the fridge, he noticed two tinfoil covered plates.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end...

Has Vanessa not come home yet.

No penut, she's at the drag show...

Logan looks at the clock... the show ended a while ago, darl'n, I'm gonna text her.

she hadn't been gone that long.... she's a big girl papa, she can stay out past curfew if she wants.

No, it's not like that Wade.... Ive got a bad feeling... something is off.

Logan put his plate back in the fridge and walked to the bedroom. He quickly changed into his black and yellow combat suit. He walked back into the living room.

Peanut, what are you all dressed up for.

I'm going out to find Vanessa... she hasn't responded, I don't like this.

And you couldn't do that in your normal clothes?

I told you. I got a bad feeling, besides blood and Versace don't exactly pair well.

Oh, wrong again, Penut. Blood and Versace is the best paring.

Stay here, call me if she comes back...

Wolverine started at the obvious place, Missy B's. He thanked providence or whatever for trusting his instincts. He'd not been too late this time, Vanessas scent was still fresh and heavy. He was able to lach on to it and follow it out to the parking lot... he'd made his way to an empty spot when the trail lightened slightly... they had obviously taken her in a car...

Unfortunately Logan could not be afforded such luxury. In order to stay on the trail he'd have to be on foot.

thankfully, the fates again had shown favor. It was a still night, not even a lightbreeze. The scent was still fresh if a little less intense. Following his nose without regard for his safety, Wolverine walked out into the middle of southwest traffic way. Was certain that she'd been taken due east, and he bolted down West 39th Street running on all fours, looking like a yellow and black werewolf.

Eventually he found himself in the hyde park neighborhood of Kansas city.

When vanessa came too, her head was throbing, and the fluorescent lighting was not helping. She tried to move but she was shackled to a wall. Standing up right arms open... Wade would call it a T pose.

What Vanessa didn't know is that Cynthia Bragg had been escalating the degree of suffering she caused in her kills, she'd been killing less because she knew Logan was creeping around every corner. So now she economized her victims. Less opportunity meant not letting the one you had go to waste.

Vanessa was gagged... she could breathe, she could scream, but the sound would be so deadened that no one could possibly hear her in this basement... she wasn't scared so much as she was sad at her predicament. She new what would happen when the boys figured out she wasn't coming home... This wasn't Wade fault... but Vanessa knew he'd blame himself... and be devastated... double loss, her and the life that could be that she had inside her.... this was the worst possible end for her short life.

Her captor turned around, almost sensing Vanessa's waking.

Hello again... she smiled like a demon. You and I are going to have some fun... pretty lady...

I'd tell you to not be afraid, but you should... you should be terrified...

This statement didn't net Cynthia the response she'd hoped Vanessa just stared at her defiantly. Vanessa clearly had her wits about her now... not an unexpected circumstance... her powers of suggestion worked better when she could charm someone first. Disarm them.

Cynthia wordlessly presented a box... in it were needles of various gages, conditions, and sharpness... she slowly jammed and jabbed Vanessa up and down her arm, leaving some in, pulling some out. Rivulets of blood formed dripped and flowed. The pain was exquisite, Vanessa groaned but did not scream as she endured the pain of the dull one's ripping through her skin, looking very much the sick caricature of a cartoon Voodoo doll.

Unsatisfied with the results, Cynthia left Vanessa for a second and came back with a ball pein hammer and a gruesome looking masonry cut tempered hardened steel nail. The point of which is not that pointy... the was absolutely going to hurt.

Slowly, methodically, Cynthia slammed the nail into Vanessa's palm, all the while humming Ave Maria. the crucifixion Imagery clearly not lost on her.

Vanessa did not! Would not scream. She wouldn't give this Depraved hearted bitch the satisfaction as her hand was pinned to the wall, crushing nerves, tearing flesh.

Oh, a tough gal i see... we'll just have to up the anti.

She holds up the hammer an Vanessa's eye level and drops hammer on her foot.

Oops... well, since this doesn't seem to be working, we will try something else

Vanessa figured this was the end. Sure that cunt was gonna come back with a Bowie knife and slowly disembowel her.

On the journey of her life, she had a lot of regrets. Also, at the moment, she was in incredible pain. She mourned for herself almost as much as she mourned the fetus inside her.

Wade would be devastated, he'd lose his best friend and his future baby all in one horrid act... these thoughts, the pain... the frustration of being unable to defend herself. She was so sick of being the fucking damsel in distress. She thought... only this time she was going to fucking die. She wasn't going to be saved. She didn't see how. The pain and despair began to consume her.

All of it came to a head, she was in the darkest spot, of the worst day of her life, and that was saying something...

Then suddenly... Her skin flashes blue for a second... she feels... different. Unknown to her until just now... Vanessa had been a mutant in her own right. The stress, worry, and pain of this moment brought it out of dormancy. She didn't know how she knew, but she knew she could transform, shape shift. And not just skin deep like Mystique, she could copy bilogy and abilities.

Well shit, this could have been handy with fucking Francis... she thought to herself... think quick Vanessa how do we use this to get out of here. She wasn't sure how to harness her abilities, but she had to be a quick study if she wanted to live.

What could she be that'd get her out of these shackles and get the nail out of her hand... that's it! That one guy Logan and Wade, always banged when they were in New York. Kevin... (Wade tells her fucking everything) but more importantly she met him once, what was is Xmen name.... fuck it was hard to think clearly with several inches of galvanized steel in your hand.... Morph, she said a small prayer to a god she doubted existed. Keep the baby safe while I do this. She struggles through the pain she concentrates and transforms into a grey skinned being sliding her hand up and off the nail and warping her arms through the shackles quietly.

Cynthia was looking at her toolbox of tourtre devices totally engrossed in her maniacal thoughts, looking for the perfect toy to satisfy her vile lust. She hadn't noticed Vanessa slip free.

Vanessa stealthy as she could carefully picked up the ball-pein hammer that was dropped.

What did Wade always tell her

When you have the opportunity, always go for the headshot.

Cynthia had settled on the end of a frog gig fork and was about to get back to her dark hobby when she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head... and then nothing

Vanessa was spatterd in gore by the time she heard the loud bang from upstairs...

Wolverine had kicked in the door of the house, he'd made his way to the basement to a scene that shocked and immediately relieved him covered in blood holding a hammer dripping in a visceral liquid of brains, blood with a tangle of hair... Vanessa had not stopped when Cynthia hit the ground. The back of her head looked like a grenade went off in it. She turned to Wolverine. Dropped the hammer on the corpse and walked towards Logan...

Ooops *she Sneered*

Vanessa, I'm so sorry... I was late, I... I...

Vanessa grabbed the man dressed in yellow and black and hugged him tightly

It's ok, you're here, Im alive... also, you and Wade never have to worry about being late or saving me again... Vanessa Carlysle can save herself.

She took a step back and held up her arm... it transformed into a familiar looking muscular arm, and *Snikt* three bone claws popped out.

FUCK THAT HURTS! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME!

Logan chuckles, tell me about it, sister. Looks like you've discovered your gifts...

Why aren't mine metal?

That's a long story I'll tell you later... I'm gonna call Wade.

Not the police....

No.

Logan looked around the room, the blood and gore of the scene was bad... first, the defense for justifiable homicide in self-defense in Missouri requires that you stop after the assailant is stopped/disarmed/disabled. You can't shoot someone in the chest and then go for the headshot after they're already on the ground... you can't pummel a hole in the back of someones head after you've knocked them out. It ceases to be self-defense.

There's a chance Vanessa could be charged with manslaughter at a minimum if the prosecutor was feeling frisky... and Logan, who's had bad feelings all night, had a bad feeling about calling the cops.

Logan was able to pin the address address in his phone and send Wade the address. Craftsman style home in Hyde park much like the ones around it.

He'll be her as soon as a ride share pics him up...

Vanessa trying to not think about her trauma...

Why the fuck do you guys not have a car yet... you're gonna need one when the baby gets here, what if they get a fever and you gotta run to the ER, you gonna wait for a car?

Logan choked back a little emotion as he realized how close he came to losing his best friend, his baby, and probably Wade, who would have never recovered.

We need to... but that's Wade... Missouri counties treat cars as real estate. You have to pay taxes on them annually based on assessed value. He's weirdly libertarian about that one thing. Lord knows he jumps through hoops to keep the IRS paid and off our back.

That is fucking weird...

That's fucking Wade... and we both know what thats like

(Meanwhile, just beyond the vail)

Are they really discussing local tax policy over my corpse...

I've seen weirder scenes.

Who the fuck are you?

Some folks call me Azrael, Yama, Shinigam, La Calavera Catrina, Vanth, Ankou, Anubis, and Osiris... though I have one friend who calls me Lady Death. I'm partial to THE Green Witch lately... she says this as she produces a flower and hands it to Cynthia

Oh... ok, she looks at her closer. I liked your work in Parks and rec by the way

Aubrey Plaza looked like her. Not the other way around, Lady Death had this face for centuries, and it was one of her preferred aspects. She thought this as her charge spoke again.

So... am I going to Hell.

The afterlife is kinda what you make it... or so I've been told. I'm just here to keep you from haunting the place. I've only seen the door and shown people in... speaking of. It's Time Cynthia Bragg.

So God doesn't care?

Oh... I've never met the Architect, the being closest to what you'd call God... and I don't really know what they think about morality or other complex questions that I'm certain you want to ask. but unfortunately, i don't have a lot of the answers and even less time.

Ok, one more question... whay are you being so nice... I was a monster [she said this with suddenly gained post-life clarity]

It's not my job to punish, also as they say. You catch more flies with honey.

Or corpses... files are attracted to corpses.

Indeed, come now. It's really time to go now.

(We return to the full material plane)

Vanessa and Logan had taken the opportunity to go through the house, what they had discovered was shocking and created more problems.... Cynthia was a cop... Logan actually knew her. He hadn't recognized her for obvious reasons when he first walked in... Secondly, in her office, he'd discovered her second pet project beside murder. Him, and Wade... and MFM. She'd been doing her own legs work tying all of them to organized crime, contracts they had agreed to. Interpol reports and illicit weapons purchases...

It killed his soul... but Logan could not report any of this for sure now... this crime scene, this evidence. For their safety, it had to disappear. Wade had walked into the office when he came to this conclusion.

What's up in here, Penut?

We got big problems, Princess. Call Peter... we need the cleaner.

The cleaner was actually an employee of MFM at this point, an anti-forensic expert he could wipe a crime scene...

He was there within the hour, was briefed on the situation, and came up with a game plan... all four of them suited up in hazmat suits he'd brought and proceeded to clean.

Free advice to any would be assassins...

Clean all visible evidence of blood with high concentration peroxide, not bleach. This will destroy all genetic material and clean the area. Secondly, treat the area with sodium percarbonate... this chemical defeats luminol/BlueStar Forensic, the room may be suspicious to the well experienced investor... but investigators have to convenience jurys made up of common folks who expect "CSI" evidence to be presented, and when it's not, the argument fails. Investigators know this. it's how many cases get relegated to the cold case archives.

The body was wrapped and put in Cynthias' car. Both would disappear without a trace. The house was cleaned and wiped of any evidence of anyone ever being there. Logan had found all the evidence against him and Wade and loded it in the cleaner's car. He and Wade would take it to the safe house in Liberty while the cleaner delt with Cynthias car... He also found evidence of Cynthias' own crimes... her trophys... he packed these too.

By the time Cynthia was reported missing, they were all long gone... the house looked spotless, as if nothing was ever out of place yet lived in. Reports from neighbors stated that they had seen her the day prior. They didn't see her drive off that night to go to the bar, and perhaps Cynthia herself had something to do with that, not wantingher neighborsto see when she had "guests"...

To them, it looked like she'd got in her car that night some time after dark drove off and just never came home.

5 days later

Logan called Dal, he'd ask her to come to the house. She arrived an hour later... he met her at the door; escorted her to the office poured her a glass of the best scotch he had on hand, a Sherry Oak 25 Year old Macallan.

He set the glass in front of her...

If you don't like your scotch neat, I can go to the kitchen and get you some ice... though some would call that an insult to the alcohol. I won't judge.

This is fine Logan... she sips the scotch.

Why'd you have me over. You were very insistent...

I solved Maxine's murder... That's the good news..........

That pause is 8 months pregnant buddy. What's the bad news.

You're the only person that can know. The suspect met an end that would implicate someone that's important to me, and frankly, covering it up was the better option... professionally. Dal... Maxines killer was a Cop. She's dead... and will probably be assumed missing. My team will have made it look like she skipped town for unknown reasons...

Your... team... implications... cover ups.

Logan I thought you were a fucking detective.

Fuck... I'll level with you, Dal... I wasn't 100% honest with you when I told you what Wade and I did for a living... I am a licensed private investigator, and on paper, that's what I do... poorly... apparently, I'm a mercenary... a contract killer. That's our bread and butter. The P.I. shit is just a cover. But just once I wanted to do something, I wanted to help...

Dal reach over and opened the Humidor on Logans desk.

May I?

Sure.

She pulled out an Opus X, carefully cut the end off the same way she'd seen Logan do a hundred times, grabbed the small blowtorch like lighter and lit her cigar. Logan went over to the wall and flipped on the rooms air filter system.

Logan... sware on your unborn child's life! the person that killed Maxine is dead, and you're 100 percent sure that was her killer...

Logan walked over to a banker box against the wall and grabbed it.

I went through the house, I found the sick fuckers trophy collection. I found these... Logan pulled out a pair of underwear... genetic evidence suggests they belonged to Maxine (this was bullshit, no lab analysis was done on them, the truth is Logan could still smell Maxine's scent strongly on them. They'd been kept in a plastic zipper bag... but Logan didn't want Dal to think he had the impropriety of a "panty sniffer" today was weird enough she didn't need that.) Maxine's killer is dead and what's left of them is probably at the bottom of the Missouri river.

She took a big swig from he scotch and puffed her cigar.

If we're being honest Logan, for me... it was a job well done. Did maxines killer suffer?

I'm not sure. I couldn't have been pleasant.

Good! Fuck'um! Logan i'll be honest had you brought them in I would have smuggled a gun in to court and shot them myself... I don't know if I was ever interested in justice. Revenge; That I can handle... detective or hitman, though... I hope that pro bono offer still holds up...

Logan chuckles lightly You couldn't afford it if it weren't.

She kissed him on the cheek. Thank you Logan... I'll see you and Wade later... I've got things to do.

Bitter sweet for Logan... he was glad that the results worked for Dal...

But for him, this was one of his biggest failures. Having to cover up Cynthia's death meant a significant number of families would go without the closure that Dal now had.

Had he'd been a moment sooner, he could have saved Vanessa and taken Cynthia Bragg in. Damn the evidence she had on us.

We could have picked up and started somewhere else. Fuck we came here on a whim, why not.

Too late now. He packed all the cold case files, the evidence recovered, took them, and buried them in the deepest part of the storage room.

He was stacking boxing and holding in his emotions, trying not to feel the devastation and failure in his chest... Wade was standing in the door...

After all these years, Peanut... I think i can sense whenever you're not doing good. You want to talk to me about it?

I spent the better part of a year running in to a wall trying to solve this case. To do it the right way! To bring that fucker to justice.

But you did get her...

Vanessa "got" her Wade! I was late!

She's dead, though. She can't hurt anyone else. The city is freed from a killer who terrorizing the community. Not just the community, our friends.

At what cost...

We're soldiers, Wade. You know damn well that Pyrrhic victories don't count for shit!

Logan grabbed Wade, held him close... and did something that shocked Wade... he cried, guilt and failure for once didn't manifest as rage...

Oh... Penut. Im so sorry, I didn't realize it was like that.

I think I'm done solve'n crimes... I should stick to what I'm good at. Killing.

No, babe... don't say that. You've solved murders, found kidnapped children... you've done great things... this... this is just a setback.

It's a big one, Wade. I haven't felt quite like this... well, since I got to this world.

Wade knew what Logan was alluding to.

Tonight, it'd be Wade holding Logan together. Riding the storm of emotion out. He'd do it gladly, anything for the man whom held him together these last 7 years. His rock, his anchor being.

All the cold case files tied to Cynthia Bragg, knowing he couldn't bring peace to those families. He put them in a box and placed them as far back in the storage room as he could.

Epilogue:

Late July, Friday night, 18th and Vine... the jazz district of Kansas City... Logan and Wade dressed in suits of a color more muted than Wade normally would have worn black with pinstripe and slate grey, respectively. They walked into the Blue Room Jazz club, and following behind them was Dermot in a Tuxido, the only suit he had brought with him from New York and Vanessa who was in a black sequined dress tight but classy it had a plunging neck line accented with a necklace.

The platnum chain was set with white diamond, rubys, and citrine. The pendant was a large Tanzanite in brilliant cut about the size of a half dollar. It flashed blue or purple depending on how you looked at it. It was a gift from the boys to express gratitude for the greatest gift Vanessa had given them... a son. James was born on July first, a happy health baby boy.

They'd all been obsessed with the child and his care. Wade was a dutiful father unafraid of soiled diapers or the spit up that occasionally happened when he fed the boy... however, that morning at breakfast, Althea had enough.

Listen fuckers! It's time for a family meeting. You dumb bastards are going out tonight, and I don't wanna hear any guff. I'm a blind woman but I can cook and care for myself so I can handle a fucking baby for a few hours. None of yall have left this house in almost a month and I'm fucking sick of hearing you! So figure out where the fuck your going because come 8 o clock better not be a fucking one of you in this house!

Althea was salty but they agreed she was right. They settled in to there table ordered cocktails and waited for the show.

So Ness, since you've had an opportunity to flex your powers a little more, are you gonna go back to New York and join the X-men [cough] dorks [cough]

Logan elbowed Wade in the ribs. Are you calling me a dork bub?

Of course not sweetheart sides you ain't an Xman anymore.

Vanessa laughing. No, I don't think I'll be joining that club... besides, can you imagine me on a mission and Scott calling me by some goofy code name... like what Copycat? Because I can copy people?

I suppose all the good names are taken

Right!? No, I don't think I'll be doing that. Besides, we got a little announcement... Dermot and I aren't going back to New York. We've decided to stay here.

Oh, that's fantastic! Lo you here that? We're going to save so much money on jet fuel!

I'm happy to hear it.

We've actually already done some house hunting online. We're gonna go to some open houses in Liberty and Blue Springs next week. If we like what we see, we'll make an offer.

Well, I will say it's been great having you and Dermot as roommates. I'm thrilled you won't be far.

Let us know if you need help with anything.

And the night wore on. The friends discussed future plans, he drinks came. They tosted to new beginnings and the company of good friends.

The show started, and the music played, and the credits roll.

youtube

The End

#Youtube #deadpool #wolverine #deadpool x wolverine #logan wolverine #poolverine #wolverpool #deadpool and wolverine #loganpool #logan howlett #deadclaws #deadpool wolverine #deadpool and wolverine kansas city au

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cr4yolaas · 4 months ago

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the night shift — interlude 0.2

day 3 | masterlist | day 4

she tries not to think about that night.

it's all too clear in the back of her mind. the violence that creeped up on her tongue and shielded her from any pain that might have come her way, the stickiness of her sweat on her skin, the buzz of the (at the time) barely-working air-conditioning; it's too familiar to her. she does her best to encase it in a far, far corner, to make sure it never resurfaces, but on some days, it does.

the couch dips with kenma's weight beside her. his game is paused in the background, the soft hum of the music serving as the only noise in the house, save for kuroo's furious writing as he studies for his upcoming exam (he's finally decided to work on getting his doctorate, after sitting around for a year or two. kenma's funds are helpful, but they aren't limitless). when she looks at him, all she can hear is that night, all she can feel is that night, all she can see is that night.

almost like he haunts her with it.

he doesn't look at her. he doesn't need to. all it takes is him being there for her to be reminded of last summer; the turmoil and the struggles and the conflict.

("i don't need that kind of help," she yelled. "i don't fucking want that help. i'm not a baby." the words were hot on her tongue, searing her teeth and lips and gums. she stood in his living room, donning clothes that probably weren't hers and with an unclear conscience.)

she isn't sure if she's supposed to turn to him. her eyes latch onto the ground for any bit of stability. she can imagine the conversation now, she can almost predict the entirety of it in her head.

("then what? are you just going to wallow in grief until you can't sustain your own life anymore? is that the plan?" his words were pointed, all too accurate. he crossed his arms over his chest. she hated when he did that, his irritation overbearingly clear. "you aren't going to escape him if you don't do something to change. it's either i help you, or you help yourself in some way. figure it out.")

"how do you feel?"

"like shit," she laughs. it's half-hearted.

he shakes his head.

(just a few moments ago, she had stumbled upon their front door with one suitcase and a broken phone, the "missed call" notification imprinted onto her home screen. another buzz rung in her palm, and on instinct, her thumb sunk into the "decline" button. now, she stood in the middle of a foreign apartment, with a heavy heart and a heavy head.

she didn't want to rely on him, too scared of the possibility of dependency and the vulnerability that came with it. so, instead, she bites at his outstretched hand and turns away, to avoid any chance of being too reliant.)

"you can't let him continue to affect you like this," he starts. a blatant truth. "and, similarly, you can't keep turning back to him when things get rough and you need the safety of routine. stop relying on that net."

she doesn't respond.

(kenma was the first to answer her text, frantic and panicked and far from put-together, and he was the first to answer the door. he was the first to pick her up on the night of the first argument, and the first to offer her some semblance of support. but, all the same, he was the first to call her out on everything. that was his fatal flaw, in her eyes.)

he looks to her. she looks back, hesitantly. it's the same way it's always been since that night, no matter how hard she tries to run from it.

"promise me you'll work on it, this time?"

she smiles, and as he had hoped, it's warm and full of the essence of her. "sure."

ᡣ𐭩 another rye analysis bc im so in love with the night shift

ᡣ𐭩 the reason for yn and her ex breaking up with each other (probably?) won't be specified ever in this fic, but the vague idea is an inability to accept her as a flawed person. this is the driving force for this entire fic

ᡣ𐭩 this interlude is a weird, weird piece that alternates between the night yn moved in (the same night she broke up with her ex), and the current timeline, where she is still struggling to pick up the pieces and work on creating an actually sustainable life

ᡣ𐭩 kenma had offered to have her move in with them without much financial burden (in other words, he would cover most of the costs); yn did not take it well as u can see

ᡣ𐭩 same idea as kags and sho being so close in their own home but so distant because of a driving force that separates them

ᡣ𐭩 kuroo is working to get his phd in business in the current timeline bc he had stalled on it for too long and srsly flopped LOL. it's a small detail i wrote while planning and i wanted it to show up at least once

ᡣ𐭩 as i always say i hope this one made sense !!! sorry for procrastinating on this one for so long </3

taglist: @causenessus @strawberryurii @iiwaijime @savemebrazilhinata @tiramizuloz @conrad4life13 @wyrcan @zazathezaer @nperoconelcositoarriba @cupidsblonde @thechaosoflonging @diorzs @aozui @fefesooli

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mysticsublimeperson · 11 months ago

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<< part 2 >>

Merlin woke up feeling cranky, he didn't exactly sleep. It resembled more to several disgusting and sweaty naps, and a lot of self deprecating introspection in between.

So Merlin decided to stop trying around 10 am, and moved to the sofa. He didn't have anything to do that day, they weren't waiting for him in the lab, nor in the office, they all thought he would have been too hangover. Funny.

He needed to get out, to get coffee, to try and look for a new perspective, or at least a solution, so he got up and dressed and went to open the door.

A sharp thud sounded when something collide to the ground.

"Arthur?"

"Shit, er... Merlin, sorry, good morning?" Arthur was trying to blink away the heaviness.

"Were you sleeping in my hallway?" Merlin was really confused now. Arthur had always been a bit of a prat, and he grew up rich (and still was very rich, even if he denied it) so he was posh. In all the years he knew him, Arthur had never volunteered himself to discomfort, because he could afford not to.

"Yeah, I.. Well, you told me to go, but then I thought that if I went then I would have to come back in a few hours, and well it was really early in the morning, and I didn't bring my car, so I would have to call for a car and then, well come back, and wold spend like a proper half hour just pacing around my flat, just so far away from you... guessed you also wouldn't be answering your phone, so waiting here seemed like the better option. But now that I say it out loud, it sounds kinda stalk-ish" He said sheepishly, his voice was still deep, and slow. Trying to recover from sleep. He stood up, but was supporting in the door frame. "It's just... you seemed really upset. I know I was the reason, but" he gulped "you are always for me when I'm like that..." Merlin sighed.

"Come in" Merlin talked with a controlled voice. He would have wished for a little more time to figure this out, but if he was honest maybe more time would have only made him more paranoid.

"I, er, yeah, thank you" It was extremely strange to hear Arthur so insecure, but Merlin needed to focus on his situation, and not fall into old habits. "How.. How did it go? Yesterday I mean, sorry I didn't ask sooner"

Bad, he wanted to say.

You ruined it, he wanted to shout.

I missed you, he wanted to cry.

"Fine, I guess" he didn't want to offer information, he sat in the sofa again.

Arthur gulped again and put on a tight smile. "I see" sitting beside him.

"And you? How was your dinner?" Merlin suddenly felt tired again, he didn't want to shout, or yell, he didn't want to incriminate or fight, he just wanted this situation to be over. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Arthur opened and closed his mouth several

"Merlin. I am so sorry" he said after a while. Without looking at him. "I know there's no excuse... and the way I treated you when you arrived here too... you didn't deserved that" his voices sounded tight.

If this had been any other day, Merlin would have folded, he would have told him that it was forgotten. Any other day, Merlin would have bitten the bullet of disappointment, and would have try to understand his point of view, his situation. Any other day...

"Arthur" he said after a long silence "I think it's time for us to rethink about what we want from this relationship" he could see the moment all the muscles in Arthur's body tensed up.

"What do you mean?" He sounded so scared, and Merlin fought the urge to hold him.

"What I mean Arthur it's that, this relationship can't go on like this forever" Merlin breathed slowly, trying to express himself as accurately as posible "I feel like im living on borrowed time with you, and even if you are the one in the wrong, I feel like I should just be grateful to have you a little longer, no matter how you much you may hurt me"

"That's not true Merlin, please, I would never intentionally hurt you. how can you think that? I love you" he finally looked Merlin in the eye. They were red and swollen, and a bit desperate.

"I know you love me Arthur, I believe you" he tried to swallow the knot in his throat "but sometimes that's just not enough" Merlin sat back at the sofa, looking at the ceiling. The same ceiling he had been looking since he arrived yesterday, thinking the same things, over and over. "I know you love me, and I love you, more than anything. But I also know that you would never invite me to a company dinner, you would never even acknowledge me in front of your coworkers, you would purposely hide me from your dad..."

"Merlin" Arthur said his name like a warning.

"Im not trying to be resentful Arthur" Merlin spat "they're just facts. Like the fact that you hate your job, and it makes you miserable. But you would never leave. Even if it's a shit job, at a horrible and inmoral company" he kept his tone neutral, he wanted to make a point "I would never ask you to leave, because a would never want to put you in a position where you would need to choose"

"Merlin" now his name sounded like a prayer, and a question.

"I think I always knew that I really never had a chance if you had to choose" suddenly his voice quivered.

"That's not..."

"Arthur please!" he really didn't want to hear empty promises, so he made a gesture for him to wait "I told you that yesterday was important, you knew that. And you choose him" he will not cry, no more "You ditched me, last minute. You left me alone even though I told you I Wanted you with me" his words bouncing on the walls.

"I didn't think..." Arthur was trembling a bit. And he looked like his world had been rocked and put upside-down.

"Arthur, you already have a life planed out. And you are the one that's choosing to keep it that way, you are going with the plan. And one day I will have to see how the papers and magazines cover the stories of you ascending to CEO of the world's most evil construction company, and marrying a young nice pretty girl, who is really boring and bratty but also insanely rich and has good connections, and have three beautiful very normal and healthy kids... all while I keep fighting with my little NGO to change the status quo that you reinforce. Don't you see that you don't have space for me in your future?" all the resolve to keep his cool abandoned him mid speech but at least he got it out. Arthur was looking at him like he had just told him that he only had a minute to live.

"I don't see a future without you Merlin" Arthur said, really softly, eyes shining with soon to be shed tears.

It hurt Merlin to hurt Arthur.

He never wanted to hurt Arthur.

Merlin brought up his legs and hugged his knees, hiding his face momentarily biting his lips hard, while blinking away the tears. "I love you Arthur, and I don't think I could leave you alone if I wanted to. But I think this relationship... it puts unfair expectations, for both of us" Merlin swallowed "It's not fair for me to expect something you are not ready, nor willing to give" he argued as calmly as he could. "I suppose we work better as friends"

He could see Arthur wanted to fight.

He also could see that Arthur had seen his point.

"What if...?" Arthur started, shaky. "What if I leave?" Merlin's brows furrowed confused. "My father, I mean. What If I leave him? What If I leave Pendragon Constructions? Everything... what if i..." he was starting to stammer and was not making sense. So Merlin took his hands.

"Why would you do that?" I was the genuine confusion in his expression that made Arthur sob.

"Because I love you Merlin!" he practically screamed with broken voice and desperate eyes. "please" begged silently.

"I think that if you do that. You'll resent me, eventually" he tried to reason while giving a reassuring squeeze to his hold "He is your father Arthur, you love him, and you want to make him proud, I understand that" even when he knew what it meant for himself "But you also are better than he could ever be" he assured "You won't ever lose me, I'll just need some space"

"I don't think I can do that" Arthur spoke carefully while caressing his hand "I don't know how to, I don't want to" he breathed trying to calm himself. "But I will try for you if you want me to" he swallowed "But don't misunderstand. I am not giving up on us. I won't" using his hold he pulled Merlin in for a hug. "I am sorry, I am sorry I disappointed you, I am sorry you felt like that, but above all I am sorry that you are right" he hugged him strongly and Merlin tried and failed nor to melt in his arms. "But this won't be the end Merlin, you are right for now. I will work, everyday, every moment to deserve you, to make you feel loved, to prove to you and to myself that I can become the man that you think I can be, and when that day arrives, Merlin I will sweep you off your feet" he talked those words like it was a threat, directly in his ear, while holding him close, so Merlin decided that just one last time, he would believe in him.

He would keep hoping.

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lovemyromance · 8 months ago

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You know that scene in the Jim Carey grinch when he yells “I’m an Idiot” into the cave and the echo says “You’re an idiot!” back at him instead? I feel like that is the glenriel echo chamber in a nutshell. THAT is the real take away from the fated mates quiz that was posted today.

I think the issue in this fandom is that people tend to take things very, very personally. Ive seen it on all sides, but it's especially prevalent when we take a look at some of these Gwynriel theories. Gwyn became a self insert character for many because she's just vague and secondary enough that she has no real flaws and is not very complex or fleshed out. She does a few brave things and is generally kind and pretty - and people just latched on.

Any idea that Gwyn isn't a main character, any mention of the lightsinger theory, any whisper even that Gwynriel isn't backed by evidence from the books - that is something they are going to take very personally. Because even if objectively, all those things are true, these people are using Gwyn as a self insert. So they are hearing people say:

"Gwyn is not an MC" = "you're not a main character"

"Gwyn could be a lightsinger" = You're a cruel evil lightsinger"

"Gwyn and Azriel aren't mates" = "you're not gonna end up with azriel"

And that doesn't seem like something they want to hear. So they lash out, go crazy with their crack theories even more than before. They take it as a personal insult when it is just something that is objectively true. They accuse everyone of being anti Gwyn when they dont support Gwynriel when they are really two separate things.

I'm sure they'll find some way to spin this fated mates quiz anyways. Or more likely, the Eluciens will spin it because Lucien was an option and try to push the Elucien agenda, which the Gwynriels will hop on board for just to say "ofc SJM wouldn't spoil Gwynriel in a quiz 🙄"

That's what happens when you form a conclusion and then read the books to zero in on any scrap of text you can twist to fit that conclusion. When you read backwards, you form backwards opinions 🤷🏻‍♀️

People have got to understand that being anti a ship doesn't mean they hate that character. All I see Eluciens & Gwynriels do is accuse people of hating Lucien and Gwyn. Which is crazy. Nobody hates them, im pretty sure feelings towards these characters have only soured due to the insanity of the fandom, not the books or characters themselves.

And I've been very clear about this. For example, Lucien was actually my favorite character in ACOTAR. But when SJM stopped writing him, I stopped liking him as much. When Lucien and Elain were declared mates in ACOMAF - I was actually in support. It was only in ACOWAR did I see how unsuited they were for each other that I realized I don't think this ship is endgame. I reached that conclusion without hating Lucien or Elain - imagine that?

Furthermore, I actually got Lucien in that fated mates quiz. And I was not surprised nor was I disappointed by the answer. It tracks. If I were to go for a man, it would definitely be someone like Lucien. Even my current boyfriend has the same kind of traits as Lucien (dry wit, snarky, but able to switch to polite and charming at the drop of a hat).

But that's the important distinction. I, personally, would go for a man like Lucien. But I am not Elain.

And I know that. I am able to objectively read these books and form accurate conclusions because I don't let my personal preferences cloud my judgement of what is on the actual page.

I might personally prefer a man like Lucien, but Elain clearly does not. She wants nothing to do with him.

And if people were able to stop with the self-inserts and obsessions over fictional men, they would be able to read these books with a clear mind. The way they were meant to be read.

#elriel #acotar #elain x azriel #azriel #elain archeron #pro elain #elain #antielucien #antigwynriel

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catbeeisafraid · 9 months ago

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I don’t have like a ton to say about this but I have mixed feelings- also spoilers ✨

I like Crystal I really do but at times her dialogue bothered me and some of her behavior was kind of obnoxious to me- like at times when she started aggressively inserting herself into situations and just kind of made it about her? Like in episode seven (though this happened many other times too) where she was having a total fit about not going to hell when it’s clearly for her own good and not about her no matter how much she cares? and I totally understand that this is her being written as an immature teenager who hasn’t been dead or a teen for 30-100 years but as a teenager this sort of selfish immature writing kind of gives me icky feelings because I know so many people who are mostly emotionally intelligent not just raging all the time.- and I mean that for a lot of teenagers and teen girls in writing, to make them tough and likable they are made volitile and annoying which to me is not likable (my opinion, I just don’t like the trope that’s not what I’m talking about right now anyway-) I do think she had good development and I liked her a lot better by the end, some people on other forums were saying that her actress was weaker than the rest of the cast and I don’t really know about that? I think maybe she was artificial at times but I’m blaming that on the writing. I also didn’t like her dialogue about her “crazy demon ex” either, it felt very forced? -Not her emotions about the whole mind cage thing I get that but just all of the “UGH WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKING NOSY IM JUST TRYING TO GET OVER MY STUPID STUPID CRAZY ABUSIVE STALKER DEMON EX BOYFRIEND UGHHH ILL DOUBLE KILL THOSE BOYS IF ITS TGE LAST THING I DO” that felt out of place to me- Lastly I get that this is also an aspect of her teenager-ness but I didn’t like the amount she cursed? I have no qualms with cursing but it felt to me like when little kids and middle schoolers start cursing where they just explosively yell fuck when like literally nothing warranting that kind of expletive has happened? She curses too often it makes her sound really stupid? Like the ep 7 “take me to hell I won’t die” thing, she was screaming at Charles who was being pretty reasonable like “fuck that I’m going he’s my fucking friend too fine then fuck it- fuck you ill find another way to get to hell” like yes she was emotional but that isn’t what teenagers sound like guys?

idk- I’d love to hear what other people think and to be clear I do like her I just focused on the negative- I guess it’s a human thing. She had lots of strong points just I ending up not liking how much she was on screen, this isn’t really about you? It’s about the dead boy detective? Give me more ghosts or Edwin or Charles or Jenny or Niko or Mr walrus please? They were fun I like them? I just felt like there were times where she was over shadowing Edwin and Charles and they are what’s actually important to the show? I think I’d like her more in smaller doses- I felt like I spent too much time having to stop and be like “girl step back this is not about you, you are not the star right now”

and to the argument of her actress being inexperienced or over acting or just not great- I have no specific feelings on this but like the other main cast had for the most part very little screen acting experience and were Fantastic so i don’t know what to feel in that area? so yes, i think crystal is an interesting character and i think she grew on me and developed in the season but i also definitely think that she’s annoying and I’m conflicted because i don’t want to not like her-..

what are your thoughts? Id love to hear different perspectives but please be nice to me because I’ll probably delete this and cry (unless that was your goal, then carry on)

that was all like super ramble-y sorry- but I hope I communicated semi accurately! Thank you

#neil gaiman #dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #george rexstrew #kassius nelson #jayden revri #good omens #spoilers #crystal palace

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gibbearish · 5 months ago

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every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.

there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.

people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.

#origibberish #and inb4 someone goes 'are you saying poverty is as bad a situation as GENOCIDE' be so fucking fr with me i s2g #yall know thats not what i mean so if we can just skip the part where we pretend you dont and quibble about semantics thatd be great #also ive seen multiple posts being like 'i cant believe yall are saying EVERY FUNDRAISER FROM PALESTINIANS is a scam' which #uh. no one was saying that?#people were saying that. some scammers were using the genocide as their scam? which. is true? there have been? several confirmed?#like. most arguments in this i can see where theyre coming from but that just. literally is inaccurate #i cant even call it disingenuous even though it clearly is because thats just. so far off of what literally anyone was saying that i have #trouble interpreting it as anything other than a deliberate exaggeration to stir emotional responses.#like. ive said before i see little value in going 'zomg a psyop!!' but that more than anything made me be like #if there was anyone on this website i had to pick to be running a scam using palestine as a cover it would be that person. because just. how #the fuck do you get that interpretation unless youre deliberately trying to emotionally manipulate people into not using #their critical thinking skills to determine scams from real fundraisers.#oh also the posts being like 'even if some are scams‚ so what? you should still risk it'#like genuinely if you have shared that one i have 0 respect for you. like that just. is not how things work in the real world when you #need money to survive.#and when the stakes are 'help save someone from genocide or help someone taking advantage of genocide victims' like.#you really cant see why people would be a little nervous abt that without it being some deep seated personal hatred?#you cant see why picking the wrong one there might weigh on a person?#just. idk. ppl on here need to get better at trying to see others' perspectives i think

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autistic-lesbianism · 1 year ago

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Incorrect Quotes feat. people I think are really cool!!

I did get their permission to put them in this so don't worry!!

@dia-smthidk @moshieee @hootbon @sm-baby @rabid-mercenary15

Also none of this is meant to be accurate, this is just what I think from what I've seen