#SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE it's just been something i've been thinking abt for a hot second

[sugar-omi]

Just some brainrot because we love Cove. (Also, your fics are soooo good. Thanks for sharing it with us. I mean omega! and rockstar!cove :o )

So, we have Step 3 Cove in hand some time after Patreon's nsfw moment. MC is obssessed with giving him head, of course. He's so cute when you do...what can I say ? I'm a simple human. So yes they do it often, like casually saying : "Cove, I'm hungry." while you two are casually hanging out. At first he doesn't understand but the look in your eyes convey your message to him.

Most of the time, you'll be totally satisfied with just leaving him all red, dishevelled and flustered. Just having him putty in your hand makes your day. But at some point, when you ask Cove to come to your house (without kinky ideas in mind for once) he asks you if your just horny. While it makes sense, I like imagining that MC decides to not get him off anymore. Obviously until he begs, all red and pent up, for a release.

In the meantime, MC just spent their time teasing him. Light touches, flirty remarks and maybe getting him all worked up while making out only to purposefully stop. The poor guy, will clearly snap if show up at his door, anklet on.

This was a bit long and I'm sorry if there's any mistake as english isn't my first language.

I LOVE YOU ANON IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE ROCKSTAR!COVE TOO HEHE 🙈🙈🙈(omega!cove too, im having sm thoughts abt him lately...) also dw your english is perfect n i feel like you took an exert outta my head LMAO

tags : NSFW, hc's, gn reader, multiple choice dialogue, this just a really big ramble bc i've been a zombie thinking abt this shit n now we're here...., mmm overstim, oral (cove/reader receiving), reader's a TEASE, mind break honestly, ooc but idc 🏌️

he's confused when you first make subtle hints/advances, but i think realization hits him like a truck a millisecond later

for the longest you two wouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other

late at night sneaking into the others room so you can suck cove off, trying to keep all the slurping and gagging noises to a minimum

cove's moans are another struggle, but i say climb on top of him and let him eat you out / suck you off while you suck him off too

ohh his head would SPIN with that

he almost woke up your mom's last week because he moaned a little too loud when he finished

so now you're on top of him, your lovely ass and sex in his face

ahhh he'd be so fucking cute. teary eyed and whining into and drooling all over your cunt / cock, pulling you down onto his face so he can get more of you

also i loveee the thought of sucking him off in his car

realistically, i don't think step 3 cove could even handle the thought, he'd probably faint and hit his head n die LMAO

but arghh it'd be so hot

you went on a nice date, and now you're sitting in the parking lot of a beach far from home late at night, and tonight was so much fun.

shopping, movies, you even got some nice food from a hole in the wall restaurant

and now you're finally alone, no one around to see your boyfriend throw his head back, claw at the steering wheel and moan and babble and try not to thrust up into your mouth because he doesn't wanna hurt you

he's so whiny, and so loud

you've been sneaking around for awhile now, you can't blame him for wanting to be vocal because fuck your hot, wet mouth around his cock is so hot

and definitely doesn't help he's probably overstimulated, his cock so sensitive because you've been touching n sucking him off so much

let alone when he's rubbing one out in the shower before a date/event or in the middle of the night because he had a wet dream about you<333

mmm idk about yall, but i would break him <333

of course he doesn't interpret every touch or invite as sexual, but i also you've ruined him so you can't blame him, its your fault 🤭🤭

so now whenever you rub and squeeze his thigh, or give him a hot kiss, or say something like "cove, i wanna leave now... " or "come over, i miss you <3"

or send him a spicy text, "i had a dirty dream about you, can i come over, please?"

z

also omfg i would be so satisfied with just teasing him too…

i love it so much. it’s the best actually

mm i like having long nails, i’m always thinking about getting a new set/doing your nails all pretty and you’re showing them off to cove then you tell him “i wanna see how they look around your dick”

he’d love that omfg

imagine dragging your nails over his chest, teasing his sensitive nipples before you move down, pulling out his dick and giving languished strokes while you kiss him breathless, only moving onto leaving love bites all over his neck n chest once he’s a drooling, blushing mess <33

i think he’s gotten used to your late night/midday booty calls too

so when you invite him over, he can’t help but anticipate sex

but instead you’ve set up some snacks and a movie you’ve been waiting to come out set up on the TV and now cove looks like a fool with a half hard dick and with how fast he rushed over here

when you ask what’s wrong he’s mumbling, stuttering out how he thought you had ulterior motives for inviting him over…

so now it’s his fault because now he’s set up on your couch with him on your lap, teasing him about how he’s too horny to even imagine his s/o would want a normal date, no ulterior motives whatsoever

how he probably can’t even hold your hand without thinking about how you jerked him off in the bathroom of his workplace

and you’re so fucking right

because some days he can’t even kiss you without remembering his taste on your lips, can’t forget how your legs were trembling on either side of his head and now you’re having lunch with your families

how you’re sharing ice cream and jokes with your friends like you didn’t pull him aside before you left and got him off, begging him to cum, that you need to taste him to get by

omfg i also love the reverse/the consequence of breaking cove this way

because either way, he’s obsessed with you too

needs to taste you, have you… he’s just dying every day to have you under his hands, on his tongue..

and i can’t decide which i love more.. teasing cove bc he needs to have you, or teasing cove bc he gets so wound up from you needing him often

bc both is so delicious, and both of them scratch my brain so much

cove eagerly eating you out / sucking you off at the beach, he can’t even focus on teaching you surfing/surfing with you or building sandcastles, etc. because all he can think about is you n having his mouth on you…

you’ll show him a new outfit or sit in his lap or cuddle up next to him, etc. and now he’s thinking about ruining you in those clothes or sinking onto his knees giving you head while you lay back on the couch, still focused on your show

i love how in the ORCA dinner moment cove gets tense when you touch his thigh

i think he’d definitely be obsessed with you teasing him, working him up, dirty talking him especially

oh fuck i almost forgot. in the first patreon nsfw moment, he loves when you pull away before he finishes and you “don’t want it to end”

so technically this is canon <3333

so he’d definitely love is you pulled up to your date one day, anklet on and looking so lovely

n you’re touching his thigh, telling him how good he looks, kissing him suddenly and then pulling him into a deeper kiss when he gets it together

at some point you end up in his car, too busy swapping spit and slipping your hands where you can to get a feel of each other under those clothes, to even make it home

of course eventually you do, but even then your teasing doesn’t stop

ohhh sitting in his lap, rolling your hips into his, kissing him breathless until he’s babbling

you try to pull away, partially to tease cove but also because its late and his dad will be back any time now

but he convinces you to just get each other off, that you’ll have enough time so please?

and while you��re jerking cove off, you hear cliff’s car pull up and cove has not been quiet whatsoever, you couldn’t possibly risk it

but he’s so desperate, he’s so close to finishing, you can’t stop now!!

on the verge of tears prbly, all blushy and hot and a total mess

babbling about how he’ll be quiet so please make him cum, he’ll be good so please.

he’s such a doll, and he does keep his promise, even if it means shoving your undies in his mouth or muffling him some other way, like with your hands, lips, or sex

or you can let him bite/hide his face in the pillow, messing up his bed from all his squirming…

fuck this turned into such a big ramble tysm for sending this, im sorry i used this as a chance to unleash my apocalypse of horny brainworms LOL

[dreamwritesimagines]

Sunshine hcs coming your way bc it's all I've been thinking about besides my own xmen OC lol

- After the whole ordeal at the diner Sunshine wants to learn how to protect herself a. In case Logan isn't there b. So she doesn't have to see Logan get hurt and c. So she can protect Theo against his dad in case he comes by :(. Either she takes up self defense classes or she asks Logan. If the latter queue Tension, flirting, blushing, and both being worried they're gonna hurt the other. I'm thinking it would happen when she would drop off Theo and she would ask Lo abt it and they plan to meet at the school? Or her apartment? Idk up to you. If the former I think it would be interesting to reveal her "secret nightly classes" in a way where she saves Logan somehow and he's has a "Oh shit that was hot I'm in love" moment followed by a "that was stupid I'm basically immortal you could've gotten hurt" lecture

- Logan hearing Sunshine singing for the first time when he does his nightly pace/ guard of the kids rooms at night (bc hes always scared the mansion is gonna get attacked again esp since Theo is there now) and hears her voice coming through the speakers of his phone as he passes Theo's room. He opens the door to find Theo asleep as his mom sings. "Bean? You there hon?" Logan comes in, turns it off speaker, and answers the phone. "You knocked him out, siren"

- I have a random thought of Lo teaching Sunshine how to ride his bike for some reason (maybe I'm just projecting bc I want to learn lol). I feel l Iike this would happen after they get together but early in their relationship? Again lots of Tension, flirting and blushing haha

- I also have a hc that Logans love language is acts of service and touch. So way down the line in their relationship he makes a point to learn how to paint Sunshines nails, braid/style her hair, anything he can help her out w while touching her <3

ANYWAY sorry for the rambles I will definitely be back at some point with more

HONEEEY OMG OMG-

I LOVE THESE HEADCANONS SO MUCH I JUST-

These are so amaziiiing! ❤️ Thank you so much! ❤️I am so inspired, let's have a HC for each of these! ❤️

Sunshine learning how to protect herself, this would be so good! ❤️ I think they'd meet at school because Sunshine's apartment is tiny, and Logan would be so trying to keep his shit together but being that close to her...😏

If Sunshine surprises him with it though! Like, she would definitely knock someone out before Logan could so much as turn around, and he'd be staring at her like,

"What the-"

"Did you see that?!"

"You shouldn't have gotten involved-"

"Oh my God, I should get a costume or something, I'm awesome!"

"Sweetheart, we've been over this. I can't get hurt, you on the other hand-"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm like so badass right now."

Logan walking around the mansion to make sure Theo is safe and Sunshine singing Theo to sleep MY BELOVEDS-

ALSO-

Logan comes in, turns it off speaker, and answers the phone. "You knocked him out, siren"

I

AM

That's me being feral😂

Sunshine would be melting and she'd be like,

"...Hi Logan."

"Hi sweetheart."

"I didn't know you were awake."

"Didn't know you were awake either."

"I'm about to go to bed, it's just that um, Theo can't sleep without hearing my voice, so..."

"Can't blame him."

Logan teaching Sunshine how to ride his bike asdfghjkl oh that would be hilarious😂 She'd be like,

"I'll get a cute helmet."

"Okay, but how about you learn how to drive first?"

"I have my priorities straight."

"The priority isn't learning how to drive?"

"It is but I can't decide whether to get a lilac helmet or a pink one."

Oooooh Logan's love language is definitely acts of service! ❤️ Like, even know he's trying to show it like that, so Sunshine would be smiling and going like,

"Oh wow, the big bad Wolverine..."

"You're not telling anyone about this."

"You're very sweet, you know?"

"To you only, princess."

"I'll never ever complain about that."

[hydn-jpg]

Hi, it's your secret pal! I'm curious - what is your favorite aspect from each of your pairings? How would you describe them, what draws them to each other? Feel free to ramble, I'd love to get to know more about them!

hi hello!! i'm so sorry i couldn't answer earlier, there's been several losses in my family (not my immediate family but very close relatives) and it was kind of a lot so i wasn't able to go online for a while ,, i know this is probably not very helpful anymore at this point but i will try to answer it still!

i'm not good at writing and i don't really think about them much outside of reading their books and drawing them so for the most part, my mcs and their lis closely follow their 'canon' stories and personalities ,, but i will try to describe some thoughts i've had abt them!

trystan x noel

i've always been a sucker for the kind of dynamic they have, where one is really flirty and charming and the other is a gruff, no nonsense person (i'm sure there's a name for this dynamic but i can't think of it rn,,). i also love the forced proximity they had at first, with noel reluctantly letting trystan work with him but thawing and warming up to him over time!

i definitely love their interactions most in book 1 and kinda wish they stayed in that sort of dynamic for a bit longer (in fact, i would've liked if book 1 was just them flirting back and forth, and for the actual romance to start in book 2 haha). i liked book 2 but it felt a bit rushed and some parts were kinda weird to me. haven't read book 3 or the proposal book yet and idk if i want to lol

i think trystan was fascinated and attracted to noel right off the bat. noel's gruff and sarcastic demeanor is refreshing and dare i say, sexy to him :3c the attraction might be superficial at first, but over time he starts to notice noel's little quirks (like how his handwriting is complete chicken scratch, unreadable to everyone but himself and ruby somehow, or how he pouts when deep in thought, something noel himself doesn't realize he does). at first, he finds them amusing. but then that amusement became fondness and that fondness became something more, and things kinda just snowballed from there!

i don't think noel thought much of trystan until a lot later (at least, a little bit later than in the books). he was hot, sure, but he was also kinda annoying, too talkative and entirely too flirty. but i like to think that trystan's "annoying" traits are also what eventually draws noel to him, like his talkativeness(?), his chatter, his voice — the same one that used to annoy him when they first worked together on the sonja case becoming the balm to soothe his nerves as they get closer to each other. does that make sense?? idk lol. he pretends to be annoyed but he secretly doesn't mind it. maybe even finds it endearing, not that he'd admit it at this stage haha

noel doesn't just fall. he plummets, even though he's reluctant to acknowledge it at first. but when he does, he's all in for him <3

i think they definitely fit into the 'he fell first, he fell harder' trope!

i don't see their dynamic changing much after they get together. their banter stays the same, but you could definitely tell that it's also become more affectionate! they're also more open and vulnerable with each other, but i think that's kind of a given haha. i see them cooking together pretty often too! noel's a great cook, and trystan is always eager to help out :D

in my personal canon, noel and trystan wouldn't get married (although i do have a wip of trystan proposing... but that's a joke post haha). maybe i'm projecting but they just don't seem like marriage-type people. i see them being common law partners instead!

oh also! noel is bisexual but has never been in a committed relationship with a guy until trystan. by the start of book 1 he hasn't been in a relationship in quite a while (idk if i want to make it canon or not yet but his last relationship probably didn't end very well) so falling for trystan was kind of scary for him, but with trystan's help he was able to warm up to it quickly c:

cas x jiwon

immortal desires was one of those books that i kinda scoffed at when i first saw the cover but it ended up being my second favourite book after crimes!! i love cas (and gabe but this is not abt them), he's the classic bad boy with a secret heart of gold trope c: maybe cas is the real golden boy all along haha

cas was interested in jiwon bc he was new in town, a fresh face. that was it, until he noticed that gabe was clearly interested in him. then it became a game of sorts – whenever gabe was near the new guy, he made it his personal mission to invade their space. so he hung around jiwon mostly to get under gabe's skin (though he had to admit, jiwon's witty comebacks and sharp remarks made it all the more enjoyable), but the more they were together, the more he genuinely enjoyed jiwon's company. eventually he wasn't there to annoy gabe anymore, he's there bc he wanted to be.

he loves that jiwon doesn't take his shit. he stands his ground where others would cower or straight up ignore him.

i think what jiwon likes most abt cas is that despite how he (tries to) act, he's really just a big softie and also kind of a dork :3c that's it lol. cas isn't as subtle as he thinks he is, and jiwon sees right through his bad boy facade (in fact, he thinks cas is kinda terrible at the whole bad boy thing. like, "oh i just gave you my jacket bc if i don't you'd freeze to death and i don't wanna deal with that" ?? please). cas is cas, and that's why jiwon loves him <3

lucky x woojin

they're a newer pairing so i haven't had many thoughts about them but i think of them as having a playful, teasing relationship (the teasing mostly on lucky's part haha)

idk how to explain this but in the nicest way possible, i think of woojin as a bit of a cringefail loser. idk why. but i do think that's part of what makes him so endearing to lucky! he's cute, but in the loser kind of way, if that makes sense

he probably already had a crush on her growing up, whenever she and destiny and the rest of the gang would hang out at their home he would always try to find an excuse to talk to her, or try to impress her by doing something probably dumb (i'm thinking somewhere along the lines of young rhett and link hijinks), much to destiny's ire and to lucky's amusement

other than that, i think of lucky as being the more dominant one in the relationship (not necessarily in just a sexual way, but like in general).

i think that's all i could think of them rn ;; i haven't actually finished reading terrorfest yet so it's a bit difficult for me, a (mostly) canon enjoyer, to visualize what they'll be like at this point. but i will try to write more about them when i finish reading!

(also ik what could happen to lucky if your points with her aren't high enough(?), so that's definitely an alternate route i'm interested in exploring!)

__

again i'm sorry if this wasn't very helpful! i feel like i didn't really answer your question ;;; ik you said feel free to ramble but i literally wrote out my train of thought so it's kinda all over the place haha

[seongminiz]

okay😓😓 well i hope you feel better ❤️‍🩹 🫶🏻 in the meantime i will try to help distract with siren thots (but also no pressure still)‼️

idk who u wanna talk about but i was thinking about juyeon😩 and how you’d said about kissing to keep breathing underwater,, but the siren’s spit is an aphrodisiac and you’re just overwhelmed and overstimulated by the pleasure you’re receiving because you need to keep kissing to stay breathing, stay alive.. u have no choice hehe🤭 and besides, he won’t let u go out of his grasp either.. i imagine sirens are strong, and he can hold you against his body tightly to keep you safe

and then u also mentioned the eggs… breeding.. i’m dizzyzyzyy but if u don’t mind 👉🏻👈🏻 are u able to clarify what u mean by that? before i go off cuz idrk what im imagining for that😓

- 🧁 anon

I WAS WRITING A REPLY N ACCIDENTALLY CLOSED THE TUMBLR APP OMFG WHY IS THE UNIVERSE TORTURING ME LIKE THIS

anyways :3

YEAHHH OMG JUYO :( idk why i've been sooo in my tbz era lately probably bc of the tour n everything 💔

but yea uhm siren juyo ☆_☆ siren juyeon who is so strong n ur life quite literally depends on him when ur underwater so ur clinging to him the whole time n he thinks ur so cute for it if he could he'd just keep us as like his pet or something :( but like in a very fucked up possessive way 😵‍💫😵‍💫

honestly !! idk abt the eggs bc when i mentioned it i didnt rlly think much abt it 😭 it was a time where i was reading a lottttt of monsterfucker smut n was just like mhhh that sounds neat 👍🏻 but didnt think it through 🥲 so like ,, omfg this is so embarrassing let me switch to the small font so i dont feel like im yelling this to the whole world 😭 so yeah uhhh i kinda looked up .. ovipositor toys :] n they r basically like dildos but the top part is 'open' (?) n the eggs go through it so its basically like a tube n OMG THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING TO EXPLAINNNN but also .. it would be kinda hot .... ok bye srry if this is weird im . yea 🫥 so like just think of that instead of a normal dick ig ?? but also i was thinking me personally it would kinda freak me out if it was already open while looking at it like srry siren juyo ur hot asf but . no 🫶🏻 so like instead of that it 'opens up' (? when hes abt to cum/breed u/push the eggs inside of u also like ik fish eggs r usually rlly small but since sirens r human sized (if not even bigger bc yea why not size kink yay) so it'd be like normal eggs bc yea thats hotter than the fish ones 🫠👍🏻

this was so rambly n embarrassing im so sorry 😭

[luvxiem]

question for my fellow writers

do u guys have a character that u find rlly easy to write for even if they don't happen to be ur fave

like tbh this is me w luca

he's not my oshi despite what my layout would intend (i don't have an oshi period LOL) but i find his character super easy to write for

i think luca's character has a lot of depth and there's a lot of room for nuance while writing him which makes him fun to write stuff for like aus..... this guy has so many possibilities 😏🤞

same w mysta tbh... although that might be bc he's rlly similar to ppl i know irl 💀 he's one of the (theoretical) besties

also off topic from the og question but

idk if it's just me but when i read fics for vtubers or write them i'm like. disconnected from the person behind it does that make sense

like at the end of the day they're just random guys acting as a pretty anime boy but when i write or read i'm only looking at the anime boy/the character they play, like irl actors n stuff... tom holland playing spider-man.... i'm not reading for tom holland i'm reading bc i like peter parker ykwim

parasocial relationships r cringe just saying 😕📸

[sh1-n0bu]

It is 3am again and I am on Tumblr again to share every thought I've ever had so today's victim of my unquenchable thirst™ is not Scaramouche but Xiao. I cannot get enough of him he is just so mhhhhhh djchwhsjyjsnsnssjsjdjdnnbsbdbdbs. I do not have an urge to bring him to ruin. He's been through enough I just wanna be nice to him. Care for him. Poor thing. I give him many kisses too mwah mwah.

♡︎ 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨 ♡︎

characters: sub!xiao x gn!dom!reader

warnings: overstimulation, dacryphillia, dumbification, feminization, corruption, marking, as always i say cock but it can be a strap on as well, some hints of breeding, some heavy make out and ig that’s abt it

notes: GODS HORNY NONNIE I LOVE YOU AND I CANNOT MF STRESS THIS ENOUGH❗️❗️❗️i’ve always wanted to write smt for sub xiao bc how tf are y’all seeing him as a dom😃 bby would cry if given the slightest bit of affection. he’s a thousand year old extra virgin olive oil wtf y’all. anyways sorry i rambled, happy reading fellow horny ppl

sweet boy🥹

sweet sweet baby boy🥹

first of all it would take a lot of time and trust to get to this point of relationship with xiao

at first even a little bit of making out with him would leave him with a mushy brain and a hard cock

he loves loves loves! marking

kiss his neck, suck on it, leave hickeys, bruise him a little bit

make sure everyone knows who he is absolutely smitten for

he doesn’t mind being marked

he’s sensitive!

sensitive sensitive sensitive!!!

just playing with his cute pink nipples while sucking hickeys on his neck would get him to cum in his pants

and speaking of playing with his nipples whenever you play with them or suck on them he would be all whiny but secretly loves it

“hnngh - n-no… don’t do t-that… ‘m not a woman unngh~! aahhh~!”

has the prettiest moans

slightly feminine too

you think scara was loud? xiao is the loudest

the first time you offered to give a handjob he was nervous and excited

he wanted to be more intimate with you but he was afraid he might do something wrong and upset you

not to mention he doesn’t know a single thing about sex

slowly play with his cute small cock, rub the tip it makes him see stars

and when he was about the come he got scared because there was this weird hot feeling in his tummy and he didn’t know what it was and cried😢

you have to teach him about the basics of sex and that weird hot feeling in his tummy is completely okay

and when he first had his orgasm it felt sooo good, it felt like he was sent to celestia

since then he got addicted

wanted to know and feel more about the different pleasures of the flesh and poor boy got addicted

loves loves loves loves loves!!!! lovemaking

guide him through the things, teach him how to pleasure himself, how to ride your cock as his needy hole keeps sucking your cock in like a needy whore

but its okay he’s your sweet needy whore♡︎

the first time he took your cock he was incredibly nervous

was low-key afraid that he might break because it was just too big

definitely has a size kink, it doesn’t matter if you’re physically smaller than him, whenever your tip touches his hole he would trash around saying it would break him because your cock is just too big♡︎

always has a belly bulge♡︎

praise him

never degrade him, he might cry bc you hurt his feelings

would always want to hold hands while making love because he wants that reassurance and fuzzy feeling of being in love and being loved🥺

one time you forgot to hold his hand and he safeworded thinking he did something wrong

“hic y-you didn’t hol-d my hand a-and i thought i did s-something wrong…”

baby boy kwndksjfjkd

i feel like his favorite position would be missionary just so he can see your face and hold you close to him

easily gets overstimulated but loves the feeling so he let’s you keep going even though he’s sobbing and can’t think of a single thing<333

“aanngh! hiiig! [n-name]~~! auUUNGH~! nyaaah~! l-love you! loveyouloveyouloveyou!! kyaa-ngh~!”

since he’s and adepti and adeptis can have a human and animal form i feel like he would go into heats here and there

and boy when he gets into his heat he becomes a bit more… perverted

definitely would drunkenly giggle while guiding your hand and letting it slide up his tummy and to his tits

“giggle… [namee]~ be sure to fuck me full of your cum okay~? giggle”

so be sure to stuff him full okay? pinch his nipples, bite his neck, fuck his pretty cunt and fill him up until he’s satisfied♡︎

aftercare is important!!

after having his tummy fucked (his words not mine) he would need a nice warm bath

kiss his chubby little cheeks and the diamond mark on his forehead<3

hold his hand while whispering to him of how good he was and how he’s such a good boy, your beloved boy, your darling dearest

cuddles after sex is a must and i cannot stress this enough

hold him close, let him hear your heartbeat as he drifts of into sweet dreams because he knows you will always keep him safe and love him eternally

[mokutone]

I'm drawing Kakashi for the first time (as much as I love them, I rarely ever draw naruto characters so this is a little fun and new for me) and I'm struggling a little bc I'm trying to draw him relaxed, reclining with pakkun (in the way I recline with my cat) and I'm realizing there's something so personal abt drawing him in such a vulnerable pose ig. Like? I'm very tired too rn so maybe I'm being extra emotional and rambly but there are so few scenes of kakashi in canon where he's not wearing the jounin vest, where he's alone and relaxed and out of uniform. And I didn't realize it until I was trying to think back to other similar scenes and there really weren't any. and I'm kind of mesmerized by how you draw him because you capture that so so well, your art is gorgeous but it's also so real and expressive in a way that shows a lot of practice and a lot of love. Idk i think I've said this before and I'm sorry if it's annoying that I'm saying it again (I'll just shut up after this lol) but I went to an art school and I had massive burnout and only really started drawing again in the past 6 months and you were one of my inspirations 2 start drawing again and I'm still not as good as I'd like to be but I draw so much more now and having an actual passion for art has led to a huge improvement, so thank you and thank u for bearing with me and my sleep-deprived rambles. I think my original point got sidetracked. I forgot why i started writing this ask.

dkgjhsdgkjdshg no i think you're 100% right abt the kakashi relaxed thing, even when we see him "relaxed" he doesn't ever really Look relaxed. like

here he is chilling out in the hot springs. this man does not look relaxed but he DOES look exhausted and maybe a little like he's gotten lost. somebody help this confused man find the exit.

anyway art + motivation talk beneath the cut

djhsdkjghsdkjhg thank u for all the compliments abt my art, i do work really hard in order to draw expressive characters, and spend a lot of time paying attention to how the small details in posture and expression change how the character comes across, and im glad it pays off!

also yeah no, similarly, once i left art school (when the pandemic hit) i did have a good 6 months where i did not pick up the pencil even once, and like, usually i feel rlly bad or guilty when i'm not drawing, but my burnout was real bad and i was straight up angry abt everything dgkjhsdgkjh so i just...didn't draw for like 6 months. i didn't even feel bad about it bc i was too busy being angry

and i had a bad relationship with art at the time and eventually realized i kind of had to like? make a different relationship with art—like, try to stop seeing art as something which gave me fundamental worth as a human being, or part of who i am? you know? that's a LOT of pressure to put on just...something that i do. if i took that kind of approach to literally any other task in my life, i'd never do it. imagine thinking that the way and style with which you descend the stairs gives you your worth as a person and if you don't do it exactly right then it means you're worthless as a person? buddy i'd just find a way to go down and out through the window LMAO

i think this is the thing which gives a lot of people burnout, it's exhausting to be constantly working on something and ALSO believe that if you fuck it up even a little, it's because you are the fuckup, and a fundamental failure of a person. god thats so much pressure.

anyway so i decided to make a naruto art blog because i don't even like naruto That Much but my best friend had been trying to get me into it for years (ty kate ilu kate), and so any art that i made would be purely for fun, wouldn't have anything to do with my self worth, and might make kate laugh too, and that's why this blog exists! and taking the pressure off of creating art like that has been enormously helpful to my mental health and my ability to create, also i take breaks alllllll the time, i'm like...way healthier about my art thanks to that, and also just...a nicer person, i think? anyway i'm very glad that i inspired you to get back into art but i'm far more glad that you've found a passion for it, cultivating that passion and joy is so important

[frenchfrywrites]

Call this uuuhhhh curiosity getting the better of me.

I’m personally not a fan but I was wondering if I could ask why you like piss? And I’m genuinely asking! I’m not trying to be rude or anything I’m just getting really really curious!

I hope I didn’t upset you by asking. 🙇🏽

Oh dw this isn't rude at all, I often get met with confusion when people find out I have a piss kink so I'm used it lmao!

But even though I've been asked abt the appeal a lot I'll be honest, it's a bit hard for me to answer the question, because there's a lot of reasons I like it. Sorry if I start to ramble..

I think what drew me to it initially is that it's a taboo kink? I guess I was probably exploring more weird/extreme kinks and came across some piss stuff and something about it just hit different? By itself I like piss because,, uh ik this is probably gonna sound gross but it doesn't taste bad at all to me lmao! Plus it's so hot! In this case I mean the temperature of it lmao,, I find it to be really nice. Like I don't like wax play but I imagine that maybe one of the draws to that is the heat as well? Temperature play with piss lmao. Then, you can connect a lot of stuff with piss, yknow? Like you can bring humiliation into it, or degradation, or if it was accidental you can bring in the loss of control aspect, or you can connect it to territory marking/possessiveness. Oh then there's the fact that when you hold your pee for a long time then release it can feel really good (and you can work in praise here too!).. ahh idk there's just so much you can do with it!!

I hope this was like... informative? lmao?!

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 12

post directory

obsetress: don’t ask why i had this thought because i couldn’t tell you but

obsetress: jamie wakes up in the middle of the night one night and is like “i... had a dream. about vi”

obsetress: and dani’s like “ok baby” and just nuzzles deeper into her pillow and jamie’s like

obsetress: “no, dani, a... a dream”

obsetress: and dani’s like “oh. oh” and is immediately wide awake and bright eyed

obsetress: and is like “was it any good?” and jamie is just. already flushed so red and flushed deeper and dani just hums

em: sighs wistfully

em: i also love that something compels jamie to tell dani Immediately

em: oh the perils of begrudgingly being friends w ur gfs ex

em: jamies like um. no see i can see all these different things my brain mashed together and WHY i had this dream and danis like ok but that wasn’t my question....

obsetress: jamie finally throws up her hands “of course it was”

em: jamie: And You Can’t Tell Vi She’ll Be Insufferable

obsetress: dani, very plainly, at brunch the next morning: so vi

obsetress: jamie looks like she’s going to have a heart attack and dani lets her sweat and then just smiles sweetly “i like those sunglasses. are they new?”

em: jamie what’s the problem (nothin. indigestion)

obsetress: dani very smug n thinks she’s very funny

obsetress: (she is a little funny)

em: one of jamies many ‘oh that’s why they dated’ moments

obsetress: “fookin sick, the both of ya”

em: idk why you had this thought but i’m GREATLY amused

obsetress: skskksksks right

obsetress: jamie explaining her dream to dani in great detail afterwards

obsetress: dani sitting there nodding and hmming “oh that sounds like her. no, she wouldn’t do that. now THAT she would be very good at, you’d like it”

em: i need a moment

em: jamie thinks the dark hides her massive fucken blush but it Doesn’t

em: dani can feel her heating up

obsetress: jamie “i don’t ask you to do this” dani “you’re not stopping me”

em: dani critiquing jamies sex dream is such a fucken funny concept sjdhdkhdkdhdkc

obsetress: RIGHT

obsetress: i’m dying

em: dani: oh no that’s OOC

obsetress: she wouldn’t have a riding crop jamie, it’s 2021, not 16—

em: jamie: it’s a wet dream do u really think it’s gonna have beta readers and a three act structure

em: dani hums

obsetress: dani: well did you enjoy it

obsetress: jamie: i— dani: did you?

obsetress: jamie mumbling yeah

em: jamies like i’m gonna interrogate dani next time, see how she feels- but she forgets dani is incapable of feeling shame

obsetress: like dani wouldn’t just launch into a ramble

---

em: viola

obsetress: fuck

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: to jamie, specifically,

em: to jamie specifically andhdjhdjd

em: once again ironic jamvi has turned, in my brain, into ‘yes and....’ jamvi

—-

obsetress:

obsetress: jamie sending this to viola n vi's like

obsetress: she doesn't get it because she's convinced her taste is immaculate

---

em: anyway this is ooc even for exes au but i keep thinking abt like. jamie tryna crack how old viola is (she cant be 34 im 30 it doesnt make sense) and going through her fb timeline like. 'aha! motivational quotes. gotta be late 30s' and danis either like

em: danis either like 'you have a notebook where you write down all the quotes you like baby' OR shes like haha ok thats fair (posts another motivational quote on her fb)

obsetress: god i love that so much

obsetress: both of those dani responses are

obsetress: honestly porque no los dos if we're already going ooc

obsetress: i do think the first bit "gotta crack it she can't be 34 i'm 30 it doesn't make sense" is in character fwiw

em: obviously i was inspired by ur post in the milf channel abt viola always saying shes 35

em: big brain

—-

obsetress: this is literally just. exes au rebecca

obsetress: down to the caption

obsetress: vi and rebecca patiently staging like full photoshoots for each other every time one of them wants a pic otp: i'm not high maintenance, you're just low effort

---

em: bold 2 say that we don’t think about jamie and vi tho

em: gotta keep some sorta. presentation of respectability

em: they absolutely couldn’t date tho

obsetress: lmao ikr

obsetress: yeah no they'd kill each other

obsetress: now just thinking of silly circumstances and um

obsetress: rebecca's out of town and dani's flying back from some iowa thing jamie couldn't get away for to go with

obsetress: and viola's like "oh, just stay at ours, it's closer and i'll get you a car"

obsetress: and just like

obsetress: imagining the two of them cohabitating at vi's for a night

em: jamie sneaking around at night tryna find the bathroom and runs straight into vi in a face mask and a dangerously low dressing gown Again

obsetress: the parallels to canon

obsetress: im giggling

obsetress: walks straight into her path

em: opens a door. sees something she doesn’t want to see. immediately turns and walks away

em: god the face mask would make her look like the lady in the lake

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: vi wants to go out to dinner, jamie's just like "i'm already getting up early to go to the airport, can't we just have an easy night in"

em: what did i say before. that thing abt if ur friends w damie you will inevitably walk in on them

obsetress: god yeah

em: flip of that.

obsetress: oh GOD

em: god they would argue about dinner

em: bicker about EVERYTHING

em: dani and rebecca both make the married couple joke

em: jamie goes pale

obsetress: wait sorry i just went back to tahirahs insta post and like

obsetress: katie parker commented and was like "i love these shots of you" and she was like "thanks luv " and i'm like

obsetress: why does this....... still track........... with exes au...............

em: perdy is always a little too flirty w vis paramours

obsetress: always! except dani for whatever reason

obsetress: she's just scared of dani

em: Please

obsetress: rebecca's like "i don't see what the problem is. she can do what she wants, but you trust me, don't you?" "of course i trust you" rebecca shrugs "that's it then, isn't it?"

obsetress: anyway vi huffs n crosses her arms n pouts a little bit and is like "well i don't want her to"

obsetress: rebecca is endeared and uses the opportunity to her advantage like the top leaning switch she is

em: dani rebecca parallels: always dtf

obsetress: perdi and vi fighting and vi's like "are you even gay? or do you just want what i have?" and perdi is like "does it matter?"

em: are you even gay perdi nahdkdhdkdhd

em: perdi is like you KNOW about jamie and viola crinkles her nose bc she forgot about that and she’s starting to respect jamie as a person

obsetress: djflakdkfjldkadjLDJFLSKDFJLSDKFJx

obsetress: i screeched

em: viola: you only MET jamie because i hired her for landscaping you fucking-

obsetress: just thinking about perdita watching jamie working on some property sweating in a tank top and Deciding

em: bringing out some lemonade etc

em: haha you look parched

obsetress: smiling widely, turning on the charm

obsetress: jamie is very attractive and very swoonworthy, but perdita 100% only goes for it because she refuses to let viola have one (1) thing

obsetress: and that extends to lesbianism

em: viola's like no this is normal right. siblings competing. rivalries etc and danis like uh i’m an only child and jamies like uh i raised my brother

em: they don’t know how to tell her sure it happens but it’s also extremely fucken weird vi

obsetress: jamie: you have to tell her dani: why do i have to tell her jamie: you tell her everything dani: i don't tell her–– ok, i tell her most things. i'm not sure i want to tell her this though jamie: why not dani: she's not... she's not gonna like it jamie: So You Might Be A People Pleaser,

em: jamie: i can’t tell her. she’s only just forgotten the perdi thing. what if she remembers i’ve

em: in depth character study of viola and perdi’s fucked up rivalry

em: violas like goddamn it do i have to fuck jamie to get even

obsetress: i––

em: she decides against it

em: jamie is none the wiser

obsetress: she Considers it tho

em: jamie would die on the spot if she knew

obsetress: weighs the pros and cons

obsetress: the best part is like

obsetress: this is all post-danvi and pre-damie right so when dani n jamie see rebecca and vi at that video store

obsetress: viola's like wait.

obsetress: wait

obsetress: dani ending up with the hot gardener her sister fucked because she has bizarre jealousy and possession issues is really just the cherry on top of a shit sundae

em: the funniest part of all our very tangled lore is like

em: none of it contradicts bc it’s even funnier when it’s Extremely Ugly And Messy

em: because lesbians are just... like that

---

obsetress: exes au au where viola did fuck jamie, the video rental shop scene is 100 times more awkward

em: don’t think about it don’t think about it dont

em: i am thinking about it

em: jamie has to deal with having been railed by all three of them instead of just the two

em: it feels very uneven to her bc rebeccas a doll, dani, u don’t understand, and ur only running into one ex,

obsetress: talk about the mortifying ordeal of being known

obsetress: "wait, that's your ex?" "yeah" "dani" "what" "dani" "what" jamie's voice is hushed but a lil pitchy and a lot panicky "i think i fucked your ex" "you think?" "i fucked your ex" "you fucked her or she fucked you? because i'm sorry, baby, but i really don't think––"

em: sorry, baby, but i really don’t think-

em: SCREAMED

obsetress: that might be my fave lil bit i've ever written adlfkjasdklf

em: dani being a little too interested in jamie getting railed is like. everything to me

obsetress: jamie's already big blushing

em: a little secret between hannah obsetress and em cowlesbian but i am So thinking abt it

em: patreon exclusive exes au au

[em edit: you can imagine how long this lasted]

obsetress: no one is happy about this situation except dani, who is delighted

em: after, jamie's like. what did u mean by u don’t think that...

em: puffs out her chest

em: i could have-

em: danis like yeah but i know u didn’t did u

obsetress: dani clayton ilu

em: danis like um

em: completely unprompted bc dani ‘finishes a conversation 5 hours later’ is really funny to me

em: danis like i did tho

em: jamies like can you DROP IT

em: she’s SMUG

em: she’s so pleased w herself

obsetress: in bed with the lights off jamie's pulling the sheets up and closing her eyes afterthought

obsetress: just a happy lil hum and an "i did, though"

obsetress: and jamie knows IMMEDIATELY what she's talking about

em: dani never lets jamie live it down

obsetress: never!

obsetress: they'll be washing dishes one day "hey baby?" "hmm" "you slept with a landlord"

em: oh um. flipping the whole ‘experienced jamie virginal dani’ trope everyone loves but

em: i love the idea of dani being like hey jamie did u ever- and jamies like (grumbles) does it matter

em: dani is mentally applying a gold star to her chart

obsetress: ksdljfskdfjlsdjflksdjaf

obsetress: the gold star

em: at this point dani is absolute just tryna tease jamie so she’s like oh well when- and jamies like ok i get it

em: jamie Pretends not to be a little interested

obsetress: meanwhile vi and rebecca very matter of factly swapped stories the first day they Realized

obsetress: vibecca swapping stories and their stories complimenting each other so well that they're like well. hmm

obsetress: glad those two found each other

em: two praise kinks u say

em: ok sorry one more thought i’m thinking abt like

em: jamie staying over (idk if this is before or during damie) and viola and perdi are having yet another spat on the phone and violas like

em: no you ALWAYS do this, whatever you think you’re doing with rebecca-‘ and she barely hears some muffled sorta ‘oh, sorry, remember jamie-

em: and jamies doing the maths. hmm

em: jamies like actually i refuse to examine this further. self care

em: brings it up with dani later and dani LOSES her shit laughing

em: haha jamie you got willoughby’ed

obsetress: SCREAMS

obsetress: you got willoughby'd

obsetress: how does one get willoughbyd asking for a friend

em: yeah same asking for a friend

obsetress: dani, gigglesnorting: wait, you hooked up with... with perdi?

obsetress: (dani hates perdita because viola hates perdita and it is a deep seated hatred she refuses to unlearn)

obsetress: a loyalty strange and enduring, despite it all

em: to be fair perdi is the Worst

em: all of these characters i love to make sympathetic and then perdi is where i draw the line akdhdkhd

em: it’s funnier if she’s awful

em: like a viola that never gets therapy

obsetress: lldjfkaskldfj god same

obsetress: it's too good

em: danis like wait hold on. lemme get a pen

em: makes a silly little chart

em: if the fandom tries to make jamie into a shane the l word character i will simply take that and make jamie mortified abt her uh. well! a pretty girl is nice to her and she forgets how to behave

em: jamie's like oh sure like u don’t have embarrassing flings- and danis like yeah but i don’t interact w them on a daily basis jamie

em: also i didn’t fuck perdi

obsetress: skskskflsdflks

obsetress: "you did fuck perdi though, right? because that just be embarrassing, jamie, if she had been the one who..."

em: skgsdjhdkdhdk

em: jamie grumbles something abt pillow princesses and dani like

em: CLAPS her hands in glee

obsetress: jlsdjflkJSDFKJSDFJ

obsetress: GOD

obsetress: she's immediately pulling out her phone to text vi

em: jamies like why would u message her sister that u freak n danis like oh no theyre very open with each other it’s uh. hmm. anyway

[hxlcyon]

tagged by @delvalentine (absolutely affectionately) 🥺💕 thank you for the tag and the chance to ramble?? thank u vv much kdbchd ANYWAY ignore my far too long answers in the read below

Rules: Tag five followers you'd like to get to know better. i hope u know reading this made me snort cause ive been followed by over 60 porn bots in the past couple of weeks—i know who im gonna tag now /j

Nicknames: ammy, bazooka, su, sury, ray (i feel like i'm forgetting one but?? oh well)

Gender: nonbinary by all pronouns babbbyeee ✌️

Star Sign: capricorn!! ♑️

Sexuality: demi-pan

Hogwarts House: i hope u know this question took me the longest and i had to go through so many fuckin harry potter quizzes and all of them are either super fuckin like abcd or so v archetype specific that it made it unrelatable because why tf would having done a singular sport in the past put me in gryffindor or having a singular moral in hufflepuff—anyway probably slytherin or gryffindor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Animals: HARD QUESTION..... HM... i really love beluga whales and emperor penguins!! BUT.. i've been thinking abt pandas sm like u wouldn't believe..! literally, i put on a panda zoo cam while i was stress writing for an assignment a couple of months ago and the absolute tranquility i felt.... effervescent 🐌

Average hours of sleep per night: my sleep schedule used to be really bad until a month ago when i started a strict routine. like... it used to be around 1 hour to 26 hours....... BUT!! now!! i get maybe about 6-8 hours of sleep each night (if i get less than 6 at this point ill just fall asleep standing jfc)!! my skin has never been better!! although, i really haven't had the chance to have dreams lately cause of that;;

Dogs or Cats: hurts... to admit it... after refusing to admit it for years.. but....... cats...... i'm so sorry fido, but i think i've just lost the energy to keep up with dogs haha

Number of Blankets: used to sleep with 5+ but it's too hot here so now i sleep with only 2 blankets—to be fair though?? one is a weighted heated blanket so it should count for a couple of extra blankets right?? anyway. my pillow count is over 20+ and i am constantly looking to expand my collection of soft, marshmallow plushes to sleep on

Dream Trip: wherever tf that one underwater hotel was where u can fall asleep looking at jellyfish with pretty blue lights and the inevitable fear of the glass walls of the hotel shattering under the pressure of the hotel's poor architecture

and also a hatsune miku concert tour

Dream Job: i simply do not dream of work. i feel like i answered this question b4 in a different tag meme but u know what?? i am consistent. i dream of no labor and a shitton of money. but also, i'd love to be a girlboss™ and yoshi-p by creating a product/game that people come to adore alongside a whole community to join my passion project

When I made this account: ?? after going through my tumblr anniversary/birthday emails, i think i made this account on Dec 15, 2014? not fully sure but i guess i never started posting until a year later on august 2015.

Why I made this account: honest to god i can't remember. who knows what i was doing at the ripe age of 11. i probably.. if i had to guess?? made it for my aesthetic/bookworm phase or my astrology phase? definitely something to do with wattpad or ifunny. probably. maybe.

taglist (feel free to do it only if u wanna!!): @leeleiloh @yearning-moon @amatxs @stinkiedinkiedoodles @pomkiri @spacecowkid

[mimizepp]

Good day!! Id also like a jjba matchup specifically for part 3 and 5 but if ya only do one character per request, part 5 is all right!

'm sorry this is gonna be super long i tend to get carried away and just ramble abt myself pls bear with me :))

My pronouns are she /her and i am a bisexual female, 5'7 and slightly cruvy with smooth shoulder length black hair and dark brown eyes modified by long lashes! Its honestly my best trait of all. My zodiac sign is capricorn and im a aries ascendant, libra moon with infj-t personality type.

I see myself as sympathetic, self-driven, and sensible but i am sensitive, indecisive, and stubborn. I come off as confident, smart, responsible, approachable and kind though im actually quite the opposite. Im impulsive and i let my emotions get the best of me though I've learned to control it and keep it inside. My hobbies are reading, cleaning ( therapeutic honestly 😭), singing, volleyball, track and field. I love clean and organized environment, daydreaming, laughter and smiles, kickboxing, amd books/movies/anime & manga that are psychological, thriller or horror maybe a bit of comedy too! Im pretty open-minded so i dont have anything i hate, except for unorganised places, stubborness and dislike someone hot-tempered.

I admire someone who can bring the best out of e and support me. Someone who can help me find myself and open up. A humorous and upbeat person but is also responsible and perceptive! Because my love language is quality time and physical touch since i struggle with words and my own feelings ( im using to masking up and i have a major breakdown once ive had enough)

That's everything so far 💐♥️tysm i advance i hope you are safe and healthy mwah lovelots!

i match you with…

*°:⋆ₓₒ mista! ₓₒ⋆:°*

- YOU TWO ARE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT TOGETHER GOODNESS ME. you n mista bring out the best in one another in such wonderful ways. never a moment goes by where the two of you aren’t smiling together, basking in your shared and loving dynamic

- to mista, you are the warmest and most welcoming person he’s ever been graced by. he feels so very lucky to have you and he honestly can’t believe that someone likes, hell, maybe even loves him! you’re sensitive and sensible in the same ways he is - and it’s so damn alluring! who doesn’t love someone that sticks by their morals.. and tetraphobia....

- mista is v watchful over you and your well-being is something that cannot be taken lightly. he loves you sm and will be babying you more than anyone would expect (take note that he also likes being babied)

- mista loves pda !!! pls let him at least hold your hand at all times + hug you at random points in the day when he’s feeling extra lovey-dovey. he’s also going to be utilizing his humor to the max when he’s with you. your laugh is EVERYTHING

- it’s very easy to open up to mista, whether it’s in lighthearted conversation or something a little deeper. he’s an amazing listener and is always there to provide some motivating and loving words (probably some silly innuendos thrown in the mix as well). he’s not quick to be driven off the rails and tends to have a level-head, though this can all change the moment he has a single negative thought. though because of you n that wondrous aura of yours, this rarely happens.

- your interests are now mista’s interests. reading? he supposes he can give harry potter another go. theraputic cleaning? he’s down to try it (and once he does... he’s shocked at how satisfying it can be). athletics? he’ll be so playfully competitive and it’s adorable. SINGING? oh dear, he’s not the best but he’s having such a great time.

- btw be prepared for loads of cuddling when you watch some of your eerier favs on the tv. mista swears he isn’t scared, but the way he yelps and buries his face into your neck every thirty seconds says plenty

- michiyonakamura and mista sitting in a tree.. ;)

* as for sdc i think you pair best with oldseph! he is great at bringing others up and having a fun time while doing so. he’d love your aesthetics and interests, and it’s not hard to get his attention with those lovely eyes of yours! he’ll be spending loads of time trying to win your affection, his attraction clear through how protective he tends to be over you *

[jemmydoolz]

Edgar Has Always Been Kind of a Bitch

hi okay so it's a little after midnight but I'm posting a fic rn bc it's the first fic I've written in like,, a yr and a half and also I'm rlly excited abt it??

anyway battle buddies/fahc jeremwood angst based on ramblings in a gc

(warning for minor assault implications at the beginning, and brief mentions of a suicide attempt at the end)!!!

Fiona and Gavin decide that what Jeremy needs is a night of bevs, and, to put it simply, get wasted, so the crew settles on going to a club that Friday. Jeremy only has one or two drinks, but boy does he get fucked up.

Ryan’s sitting and talking with Geoff and Jack in a booth, sipping a diet coke. He looks over Jack’s shoulder to see Jeremy standing at the bar with a much taller, more intimidating man looming over him. The guy reaches out toward Jeremy, who leans away from the touch. Jeremy nervously laughs and his eyes frantically dart around for someone, anyone who might be able to help him.

“Hello? Earth to Ryan?” Jack waves her hand in front of Ryan’s face.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah. sorry. Hey, um, I’m gonna go home, I’m just not really feeling great,” Ryan murmurs as he slides out of the booth, already heading toward Jeremy.

“Um, alright, I guess? Drive safe,” Jack calls after him.

Ryan speeds up when he sees the man grab Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy’s face flipped through a thousand emotions at once when he saw Ryan approaching, but eventually landed on confused but grateful. He gave Jeremy a look that said just go with what I’m about to say.

“Hey, babe,” Ryan says. The man immediately drops his grip on Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy does his best not to choke on his own spit when he hears the word babe come out of Ryan’s mouth. He hadn’t heard it in so long, and he didn’t think it would still hurt so much.

“Oh, hey!” Jeremy turns to Ryan and reaches up to peck him on the lips. “Where’d Edgar go? It’s his birthday, I figured he would wanna hang out with his friends!”

Fuck. Mentioning something about their friend ‘Edgar’ was always code for I don’t feel good about this, let’s leave. Edgar’s birthday meant I’m having a panic attack, I need your help. Ryan wanted to punch the guy that was practically feeling Jeremy up. No—he wanted to fucking kill that bastard. He and Jeremy may have had a severe falling out, they may have suffered years of heartache and longing, but he still felt responsible to make sure Jeremy was safe.

“He said he kinda wanted to go home. He went to the bathroom while I found you. You, uh, just about ready?” Ryan’s eyes flitted between Jeremy and the other man, who cleared his throat and mumbled something about needing to go find his friends before walking off.

Jeremy and Ryan both sigh in relief once he’s gone.

“Wanna head outside for some fresh air for a minute?” Ryan asks, getting a meek, obviously shaken-up nod in return.

Jeremy says something that Ryan can’t quite hear over the music as they walk outside.

“Hm?”

“Oh, nothing. It was dumb.” Jeremy shakes his head. Ryan has had enough experience to know that it was better to just leave it alone. They both wordlessly come to a stop and lean against the wall of the building a few yards from the door. Almost as if they had been working as partners for years. They spend a few minutes saying nothing, watching people on the street, looking at the stars in the sky. Ryan can’t help but study the intricacies of Jeremy, realizing that so many things have changed, but somehow almost nothing about him is different. Jeremy’s hair is just a tad bit more grown out than it ever was at the agency (also, it’s bright purple and orange, which is not exactly the most appealing color combination, but that’s a topic for another day), but he still runs his hands through it when he’s lost in thought. It’s curlier than it used to be, but maybe that’s just because it’s longer. He still clenches his jaw so hard it seems like he’s going to break his teeth when he’s scared. He still wears a tank top under his shirt, no matter how hot it is outside. His eyes still crinkle at the corners when he lets out a bark of laughter that Ryan still swears up and down sounds exactly like a squeaky toy. He’s changed, though. Ryan can see in his eyes that he’s become aware of reality. He knows the responsibility he carries, the heavy consequences that come with his actions, that death is around the corner at every moment.

“D’you- d’you want me to take you home?” Ryan says barely above a whisper, but loud enough for Jeremy to hear. “You can go back inside if you want, but I know you always used to want to go home and be alone after Edgar shows up.” Jeremy lets out the tiniest breathy chuckle.

“Edgar has always been kind of a bitch, hasn’t he?” Jeremy says as he looks away from the sky to meet Ryan’s gaze, and his heart falls apart all over again for the thousandth time. That fond look of reminiscence and joy was one Ryan donned frequently at the agency. “I- Yeah. yeah. I’d really appreciate a ride home. I’m just a little too drunk to drive, I think.”

“Alright. I parked just down the street. Penthouse or your apartment?” Ryan hadn’t even noticed that Jeremy did seem somewhat tipsy; his Boston accent slipping in occasionally and his words slurring the tiniest bit.

“Um, apartment,” Jeremy says. “D’you rem-”

“Yes, I remember where your apartment is, Jeremy.”

It’s only a few minutes into the drive to the other side of town when Jeremy pipes up. “I honestly didn’t really expect you to help me. I didn’t expect you to remember Edgar, either. I dunno why I said it, I guess just vaguely hoping you would even though it’s been, what, three years?” he pauses for a moment and just takes in Ryan's profile. “I always hope you remember things from then. I know it went to shit, but we still had so much fun. We made so many memories and did so much dumb shit there. But I’m glad that stupid fuckin’ place collapsed. All of it was complete bullshit. I just wish it all fell apart before we did.”

Ryan doesn’t know how to respond. So he doesn’t.

“All those meetings I had to stay late for? Fuckin’ useless. They served no purpose, and I don't know why I was forced to go to them. I feel like the only reason I had to go to those meetings was because someone was hiding something from me. It was obvious that so many things were kept from us.” Jeremy stops for a second to try to will away the lump rising in his throat. “I thought you were cheating on me. For the longest time. I still don’t know whether you actually were. You were always out on ‘special missions’ and shit.”

The moment Ryan hears Jeremy let out a shaky breath his heart breaks.

“Was it me? Was I not good enough? I promise I tried my hardest to be what you needed. I’m sorry if I wasn’t. All I wanted was the best for you, Ryan. Even now, I just want you to be happy. If you're happier with someone else, then that’s what I want. I don’t blame you, though. I don’t deserve someone like you. You deserve so much better than me. I would do anything for you, Rye. We were together for so long. We did everything together! I thought I was gonna marry you. I was saving up money to get a ring. I guess I was too stupid to see that you didn’t want me anymore.”

Ryan looks over to see the tears staining Jeremy’s cheeks reflecting the soft orange glow of the streetlamps. Is this really what Jeremy thinks?

“I was so in love with you, Ryan Haywood. I’m- I’m still in love with you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts sometimes. Every time I see you hurt, upset, angry, anything other than healthy and happy my heart aches. I’m sorry I wasn't enough. I promise I tried. Fuck, I tried so hard.”

With every sob Jeremy lets out, Ryan's heart breaks just a little bit more. The short distance left until Ryan pulls up to Jeremy’s apartment building is spent wordlessly. Jeremy’s clambering out of the car and reaching to grab the door when Ryan speaks.

“Hey, Jer, do you want me to walk you up? I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“No. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’ve already been a pain in your ass tonight, I don't need to waste even more of your time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.” Jeremy sniffles and wipes his cheeks, giving a half-hearted smile before shutting the door and walking away.

Ryan sits there for a second, unable to process fully what he just heard. He starts driving without even knowing where he was going, and he’s so lost in his thoughts that suddenly he’s sitting in his car in front of the boardwalk along the beach and crying. He can’t believe anything he was just told—there is no way in hell that the brilliant, witty, talented Jeremy Dooley ever doubts his worth. It’s jarring to think that part of it was because of Ryan. He was going on extra missions because the agency was growing more and more demanding. For months they tormented Ryan with the threat of kicking out Jeremy. They said they’d do other things to him that Ryan doesn’t want to remember. Why did Jeremy never bring it up? Why did he just accept that Ryan had ‘moved on?’ Their lives were so intertwined with one another that Ryan never felt truly whole again. The only reason Ryan went with the break up was that he saw how distant and cold Jeremy had gotten. Ryan had assumed that, for whatever reason, Jeremy had changed his mind. He hated it, he was devastated, but he didn't know how to fix it.

Ryan decides he doesn’t want to go back to the penthouse tonight. He pulls up to the nearest crew safehouse, and suddenly things click.

Jeremy had always struggled with bad self-image and depression. He had gone to Ryan for comfort, which he was always more than willing to give. Jeremy was doing better. At least he told Ryan he was.

Jack had mentioned a while ago that when Jeremy first joined the crew, she had found him after a suicide attempt and barely left his side until he recovered. The only reason for it Jack had told Ryan about was ‘emotional trauma from a past relationship, that he didn’t really want to talk about.’

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan made the love of his life want to die.

The pieces left of his heart fall into more shards than there are grains of sand in this world.

He collapses onto the couch inside, too exhausted to even get to the bed. He knows he’s not going to be able to sleep, though.

To: Geoff

Dropped Jeremy off at his place, he was pretty drunk though so check on him please

To: Geoff

I’m staying at kung fu safehouse for the night