#SO this is more a /the sentence is the theme/
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Slide - The Trial - MYG
Pairing: Producer!Yoongi X Lyricist!Reader
Theme: Angst, smut, unplanned pregnancy. Fwb to ?
Word count: 1.1k+
Summary:
"Caught in a daze, I persuade her with my own complications"
Alternatively,
You have some questions and Yoongi has no answer.
Listened to Slide by Chase Atlantics
Warnings: Angst, reader's turning point. Yoongi's suffering has began.
Minors do not interact!!
Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Patreon (for early access)
Taglist requests are closed for now
A/N: another Yoongi's pov. before we dive into reader's post miscarriage angst. also, I have tagged everyone who asked to be tagged after I closed the request for the first time but I have only tagged the blogs which have age mentioned in their bios.
Read the next chapter
“I want a daughter first and then… ummm… probably a son too. We will name her Yunri. Yoongi plus Gyuri, Yunri.” Gyuri had told him once, latching onto his arm as if it meant everything to her.
Yoongi knew he should have felt warmth bubbling in his chest, he knew he should have felt giddy but what he felt was dread running through the entire course of his body.
Getting married, having kids are two of the things he never planned for in life - not even when he fell in love with Gyuri, not even when he got engaged to her somewhat against his own will.
But now he feels weird, he feels something really really uncomfortable in his chest as he stares at your weak frail form weeping while sitting at the couch.
His own limbs feel like jelly as he realizes again that you were pregnant and the baby was his.
A baby - his and yours.
Why doesn’t it feel so dreadful anymore?
Yoongi puts the entire weight of his body on his arms and pushes himself off of the ground. His toes carry his body towards you.
But he is afraid - what if you push him away now? What if you break when he touches you?
What if you scatter and disappear in fine dust as soon as he gets close to you?
What if… what if… all of this is a dream?
You don’t look at him when he silently sits beside you. It hurts him but he knows better than putting the blame on you.
If anyone is to be blamed, then it’s him for sure.
Yoongi opens his mouth to say something - anything. But he only gapes like a fish out of water because his thoughts don’t form a coherent sentence.
Your face is covered with your small palms, Yoongi wants to reach out, clutch those and apologize to you until you forgive him for all the damages he has done.
But he can’t.
Again he is afraid to break you even more.
“Why.. why didn’t you tell me?” Yoongi doesn’t recognize his own voice when it leaves his throat. There is much more pain than he has heard himself speak with in a while - certainly for the first time after Gyuri left.
You sniff, then rub tears off your eyes and stare blankly at the ceiling.
The scene is awfully similar to your and his first night together. He still recalls losing himself in those dark eyes of yours little by little and then finally diving into your abyss.
“There are tons of reasons why. But even if I did, would it change anything?” your voice is completely opposite of his - steady, firm, doesn’t bear a single hint of all the tears he has been watching you shade.
You are truly just another version of him.
“That doesn’t answer my question, Y/N. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” Yoongi scoots a little closer to your body.
You sigh, a deep, resigned sigh that says you are exhausted - both mentally and physically.
“If I told you, wouldn’t you think that this is an excuse? For keeping you all to myself? For not letting you go back to the only woman you have ever loved? Wouldn’t you, Yoongi?” You finally look at him, eyes red with continuous crying.
Yoongi can’t stare into your eyes now. He is ashamed because you are right. He would have thought you are just like other women out there - trying to latch onto him for god knows what.
He licks his lips instead, prepares to say something but you cut him off again.
“Also you said … you don’t want to have kids.” your voice trembles now.
Again you are right - Yoongi definitely doesn’t want kids. But then why losing your and his baby tugs painfully at his heartstrings?
Why?
“But I am responsible for your pregnancy, I- I should have been there for you.” Yoongi tries to reach out for your hand but you move away, standing on your weak feet.
“There’s no point of regretting now. The baby is gone.” you inhale a long breath and then continue, “but I really want to know what you are doing here? At this hour? Right after rejecting me?”
Yoongi stands up too, somewhat hyper, “I didn’t reject you. I was- I was just shocked. You ran away before- before I got to utter a single word, Y/N. I wanted to go after you but-”
“But then the right person came to claim you and you ended up lost in her lips, am I right?” you don’t scream but anger is evident in your voice anyway.
Yoongi recalls the doctor asking him not to stress you out any more.
“It was a trial, Y/N. Me and Gyuri getting back together was a trial. I knew it wasn’t a good idea but when she begged me- I- I couldn’t say no. I knew I was hurting you too and I thought getting back with her would set you free. But I- I was wrong. I wasn’t free myself. I kept thinking of you.” Yoongi stops, gulps the lump in his throat and proceeds to continue, “I know I sound selfish but I got attached to you during our time together. And it is not meaningless to me as you happen to believe. You are more meaningful than most of the people in my life… including Gyuri. I… I broke things off with her, this time forever. And I came to tell you that… that I want to try being with you. If you’d let me.”
You scoff, “and why so? Why do you want to try being with me?”
Your question renders Yoongi speechless. He doesn’t know the answer to your question.
“Tell me, Yoongi, why do you want to try? What is it that you feel for me?” you press more. Your new found determination of cornering him shocks him, but he knows he is the one to blame.
And now that he wonders the answers, he can’t find any firm sentence to offer you.
He still doesn’t know what he feels for you.
“I- I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel for you.”
You laugh, dry but dripping with amusement and anger, “then I would ask you to leave. You may only come back with the thought of getting together with me when you are sure about my place in your life.”
You slowly walk away from him, taking careful steps towards your bedroom.
Yoongi stands there as he feels the void in his chest getting bigger and bigger. A tear escapes his eyes but he still doesn’t know what he is crying for - you? The unborn baby? Or himself?
His real trial, probably, begins here.
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Of Bookstore, Coffees, and Late Nights
Sunshine!Reader/Southern!Reader/Plus Sized!Reader
Summary: After Spencer is shot he can't do much in the field for a while, being stuck to the offices in Quantico. His insomnia starts to amp up and instead of an urge for McDonald's at 1 AM he finds himself desperate for a new book and a coffee. Somehow, he finds the Midnight Owl, the late night bookstore/cafe open at weird hours with a cute southern co owner who probably gets the same amount of sleep as he does.
She also makes the best coffee that is disgustingly sweet. Exactly how he likes it.
Word Count: 11k
Warnings: Mentions of Season 5 100 episode and canon typical BAU themes
|Next
The one with the late night bookstore
If Spencer could pace, he would, but his new semi-permanent crutch situation was impeding his mobility. He hasn’t been able to sleep, much less relax with the knowledge of Hotch being stabbed by George Foyet in his own home. Or how it’s clear that Foyet is playing an extreme game with the BAU, but mostly Hotch. Spencer didn’t even want to think about poor Haley and Jack being thrown into witness protection. These were scenarios Spencer knew came with the job he does, but seeing it happen to people he knows and cares about, makes his stomach churn. He couldn’t imagine if it was his own mother being threatened. It sends a cold chill down his back. He needs a distraction.
Spencer’s eyes drag over to his used and abused bookshelf. Looking through his collection trying to find something to read. Even for a distraction he’s not very interested in rereading any of the texts on his shelf. His go to comfort of Sherlock Holmes doesn’t even seem all that appealing at the moment. He needs something that isn’t about criminals or detectives right now. Too bad nothing else on his shelf seemed to catch his eye. Spencer eyes his clock and the analog clock on his wall tells him it’s two in the morning. He’d be lucky if anything besides a dingy twenty-four-hour cafe was open, much less a bookstore.
He sighs and looks over at his discarded laptop on his desk. He boots it up to see if maybe he could at least check how early the library opened. He could try to sleep but his insomnia was eating away at him, trying to focus on anything else but work seemed harder and harder. Spencer had to get out of his apartment. He looks up the library hours as well as a few bookstores. Just trying to see how soon he could sit down and avoid the never-ending running of his brain. He’s surprised when he finds a bookstore that was advertising its hours as open. Surely that was wrong. He spots the phone number on the webpage, and he decides to call to double check.
The line rings for roughly two seconds before it’s picked up, a melodic voice on the other line states, “Midnight Owl, this is Y/N how can I help you?” The cadence of the woman’s voice much too chipper for the middle of the night.
Spencer’s shocked into silence for a moment before he responds, “I thought the hours posted were wrong...” He finds himself stating.
“Nope!” She replies, unbothered by his blunt response. “We’re open 24/5, only closed on Fridays and Saturdays!” She tells him brightly, “You wouldn’t be the first to call thinking we posted our hours wrong though. More common than you think.”
He coughs awkwardly and finds himself nodding even though she can’t see it. “Okay, great, thank you so much.”
“Not a problem, swing by some time we have the best drinks crafted by yours truly!” She jokes with a soft laugh trailing her sentence. She drawls out the end of her words in a way that has them twisting together as sweet as the tea he’s almost positive she drinks.
“Have a good night.” He states before hanging up the phone.
He looks at the address listed and finds that it’s just up the street, barely a block away.
Spencer eyes his crutches for a moment debating on whether he should go or not. His good leg shakes in anxious movements as he sits on his couch. What were the odds that there was a bookstore up his block that was open at odd hours that catered to him? He knew the odds; they were incredibly low . He shrugs to himself and hobbles to grab his crutches, he’ll check it out. Why the hell not? If it’s too good to be true he can add it to the list of places he’ll never visit again like that one coffee shop downtown that burns everything he’s ever ordered.
He desperately needs to get out of his apartment.
-
Y/N’s night at the Midnight Owl was going slowly. You had a few regulars wander in, which you were happy about since the store had only officially been open for four months. There was a couple that sat on the loveseat in the cafe every Thursday night reading their books together and drinking the cafe’s famous homemade lavender lemonade. Not that you could brag about it, your co-owner makes pastries and premade drinks. All homemade family recipes. On the opposite side of the store was the guy who came in every other day to check for anything new. He grabs a coffee and roams the stacks for an hour. Sometimes he buys, sometimes he doesn’t. He comes in at the same time though, so you’re pretty sure he works a graveyard shift.
There were a couple of students at a table in the cafe section clearly up studying and writing papers. The semester for school had only just started a month ago, but the influx of students coming and going was increasing by the day.
You loved your little bookstore, and during the day it was popping. A rising trendy place for local university students. You preferred the quiet of the nights though. It gave you time to make orders for books, restock, and change out displays. It was methodical cleaning and sorting that kept you sane. Your daytime life was overly complicated and having your own corner of the world was nice. It felt like a safe bubble that didn’t necessarily feel like work.
You’re in the middle of compiling a list of books to reorder that have already sold out when the front doorbell chimes telling her someone just entered. You are behind a stack finishing what you're writing on your notepad when you calls out, “Be right there!”
You bound around the stack to the counter to meet the newcomer, “Welcome in! How can I help you?” you asked happily pushing your hair behind your ear nervously.
You scan the guy from head to toe, he’s definitely new. He looks like a grad student, probably around your age. His mousy brown hair is tied back into a low ponytail and he’s in a well-worn Caltech shirt and sweatpants. The oddest thing about him is the crutches he’s sporting as he comes in. You send him a warm smile.
Spencer looks at the woman standing at the counter and finds you’re not what he expected you to be. You look like the moon; you have features that are soft and delicate, and your eyes shine with the bright ambience of the bookstore. Spencer almost loses his train of thought as he takes in the bookstore worker’s features that just made you seem so inviting.
It takes a second before he registers that you asked him a question. “Oh, yes,” he rushes out awkwardly. “Is the cafe still open?” He questions, tilting his head to the empty-looking bar on the other side.
You nod happily, “It is! I’m the only one who works the night shift, so I run the register and the cafe. Would you like something?” you ask him, already walking toward the counter that holds the cabinet of pastries and coffee machines.
“A latte would be great actually.” He says in a much clearer voice.
“Can do.” You grin at him radiantly and it’s so infectious he finds himself returning one. You turn and almost have a skip to your step as you walk, far too awake for him to deem reasonable for two in the morning.
Spencer watches her as he slowly moves forward on his crutches, she almost dances around the machines as she makes his latte. She’s humming to the music that he’s finally registered playing in the bookstore. She’s radiating a warmth that Spencer doesn’t get to see much day to day except for the one and only, Penelope Garcia. Garcia looked and acted like the sun, one giant ball of pink and blonde energy. He watches the worker move around her workstation making his latte and it’s seamless how she moves, it’s her second nature. She’s just at ease here, which settles his uneasy nerves about trying a new place out in the middle of the night. He looks around and sees a few people mingling about.
Spencer takes time to look around the store and notices how it feels much more lived in than any box stores he’s been to. The overhead lights aren’t fluorescent like a normal store but a few well-placed wooden chandeliers that are carved to look like vines. Every other light is a floor light or table lamp that has mismatched covers and stained glass. He turns to the large windows, and he guesses the store probably gets great sunshine when it’s daylight. The multiple house plants by the window and on the empty tables being a good indicator. The ambiance is so inviting, not to mention the amount of comfortable faux leather seating he sees.
He could imagine spending a lot of time here, it was just so cozy. Spencer can’t imagine he would have missed this place opening but with all the cases they’ve been busy with, he actually isn’t surprised at all.
He’s brought out of his thoughts by her placing the drink on the pickup bar, “So what ails you?” Your voice carries to him, and you tilt your head waiting patiently.
“Excuse me?” He finds himself stuttering out.
You shrug nonchalantly, “Well, it’s the middle of the night and I’ve never seen your face in here before.” You state the fact like it's so obvious.
“So, what’s buggin’ you?” Your voice drawls out sweetly as you look at him expectantly.
It’s almost like the lights in the cafe frame her from behind, bright and dazzling. She’s clearly personable and Spencer isn’t used to people with Y/N’s personality being overtly kind to him. He’ll see how long it takes her to dismiss him like most people do. It doesn’t annoy him like it used to, he expects it really. Especially when his own team and friends do it almost regularly.
You are waiting patiently for his response with unwavering kind eyes.
“Insomnia,” He settled on admitting to you, he gave you a tight lined frown. “I needed a new book; I’ve read through my catalog.”
Your eyes light up, “That’s my specialty! I mean, I make a mean latte, but my favorite part of this place is the books.” you whispered conspiratorially.
“So,” you come around from the back of the bar and put your hands on your hips, “What genre were you looking for? Or was it a specific book?” you ask him.
“Fantasy, preferably. I’ve read all of Tolkien and Gaiman’s works.” He tells you.
You nod in understanding your eyes giving a quick look of him from head to toe, “You look like a man who’s read The Hobbit and American Gods .” You said, almost more so to herself.
Spencer gives you a quizzical look, unsure if he should be insulted or not. You read his face and your own cheeks flush with embarrassment. Your hands start moving exaggeratedly as your voice pitches, “Not in a bad way! I promise, I’m here for a well-read person! Not that you have to have read those two authors to be well read, I just-” You take a deep breath and stop yourself.
“Sorry, I just mean, you look like you’ve probably read some of the most popular titles in that genre.” Your voice grows smaller, and your face is bright in a flush as you rush through your words, drawling them out in that voice that sounds like sugar. You bite the inside of your cheek forcing yourself to stop talking.
Spencer chuckles and shakes his head, “I get it, you’re good.” He tells you reassuringly.
You sigh in relief, pushing your hair out of your face nervously, “Sorry, I really didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant you probably want something different and not recommended every time you ask for fantasy.”
Spencer just gives you a smile, “I appreciate it.” He shifts his weight on his crutches to awkwardly sip his latte.
You usher him over to one of the comfortable chairs with a nice side table lamp that has beautiful green and red stained-glass roses on it.
“Here sit, I’ll grab some recommendations, and you can let me know what you think.” You don’t even give him a chance to rebuttal before you’re off and disappear into the stacks.
The silence that followed her absence was overwhelmingly loud, except for the soft music playing from the speakers. Spencer takes his time drinking his latte and it’s delicious. Better than the place the BAU grabs coffee from, and much better than whatever was in their coffee pot at the office.
You pop back out from the stacks within ten minutes holding at least five book options for him to sort through.
“These all have different sub-genres but are fantasy in nature. Let me know if any look good to you.” You hand them over to him happily. He notices you biting the inside of your cheek again, as you watch him look over the books.
You’re rocking on your feet, as you watch Spencer thumb through the books, reading the summaries keeping his face neutral. You start picking at your nails trying not to seem like a dog waiting for its owner. You should busy yourself with something else besides trying to gauge Spencer’s reaction to the books, but you can’t help it.
Spencer pauses on a book with a bright colorful cover that was in the middle of the stack. It’s the only one he pauses on and your face lights up.
“I loved Howl’s Moving Castle !” Your voice pitches up in enthusiasm. You start talking with your hands again, “It’s fun, and the cast of characters who, in a magical world, feel so relatable. The two leads also have great dialogue! I was genuinely laughing out loud.” Your face splits into a grin as you explain the book to Spencer without spoiling anything.
You are so filled with joy as you talk about the book, it doesn’t take him but a second of listening to you to know he’s sold. He’s reading this, your genuine joy selling him on it. He doesn’t have to look through the rest of the stack, though he’s sure you’ve likely read all the books you offered him.
“I’ll take it.” He said, moving to stand up to purchase it at the counter.
You move to stop him, “Don’t worry about it! You can pay on your way out. You look like you’ve been struggling with those crutches.” You tell him waving him back down to sit.
“Just relax, drink and read. It’s what the Midnight Owl’s for.” You chirp happily shooting him a triumphant look as you move to walk back to the counter.
You go back to working on creating an order for books back at the checkout counter. You have the work desktop open back to the list of books you were cross referencing for prices. You go back and forth from looking at your handwritten list to researching prices from different distributors.
The couple who was there earlier finally get up, waving goodbye to Y/N.
“Have a great night y’all! See you next week.” You tell them with your own wave that’s brief as you make the order.
The only noise in the store is some shuffling and the music playing overhead and you humming along to it. It’s a mix CD you burned a few years back and most of the songs are still your favorite. You keep meaning to make a new one, but you just haven’t had time. Your eyes wander from your computer to check on your new customer reading in the corner. You don’t want to hover, but you try to gauge if he’ll be a regular or not. You hope so, he seemed nice enough.
Spencer can feel her eyes on him occasionally, he can see her fidgeting behind the counter. Every other song he can spot her leaning out of the corner of his eye to look over to him. He tries to hide his grin; he knows that look well. She’s trying to see if he’s enjoying the book. Spencer tries to read at a normal pace, even though he can read twenty thousand words per minute, that defeats the purpose of him trying to get out of his apartment to just devour this book. Plus, he kind of enjoys watching the store clerk.
She’s full of energy and he has no idea where it comes from, but it’s almost a nervous energy. She’s constantly moving, either fidgeting or walking through the stacks to check or tidy the books. She’s also passed in front of him a few times to check the cafe machines or even grab a pastry he’s sure has been there for too long, and she feels bad about selling it.
Spencer stays there for a few hours; he really doesn’t notice how long until the door opens and the bell chimes again.
“Morning!” The new woman cheers sleepily.
You wave at her, “Morning Josie. There are still a few pastries left from yesterday, but I put them in the back fridge for you.”
The new woman, Josie, waved back, “Thanks, I’m going to prep for today.”
Spencer finally looks at the time and realizes it’s five in the morning, he sighs standing up. He grabs his crutches and pushes himself toward the counter to pay for his book. If he’s lucky he could get an hour or two of a nap before work.
He gently slides the book over to you and your whole face brightens, “Have you liked it so far?” you asked him.
Spencer grins “It’s charming. You were right about the cast; it’s a great blend of characters that shouldn’t fit as well as they do together.”
You nod excitedly. “I don’t know if you’ve gotten to a certain part, but I won’t spoil it, I loved how they explain the magic that affects Sophie! It was a fun book.”
Spencer hands over some cash to pay for his book. “I’ve liked it so far. I’ll have to ask for another recommendation.” He tells you.
If you were a dog, your ears would be pointed up and tail wagging, you cannot contain your pure joy.
“Absolutely! Anytime, it’s one of my favorite things.” You push your hair back and you look down at the table nervously pushing his book back toward him with his change.
“I’m always happy to see a returning face.” You said looking up at him, your eyes sparkling. “I’m Y/N by the way, I don’t know if I introduced myself.”
Spencer takes the book and his change; you smile brilliantly at him, and he feels a little enchanted by the bookstore clerk. He returns it. “Spencer. It was nice to meet you.”
He gives you a small wave before walking out, crutches pushing him forward.
The one about Halloween
You have decided that you do not care if it’s only September, you are decorating for Halloween. Maybe it’s that you’re festive or maybe it’s from growing up in a southern community that went all out for decorations, but you are determined that the Midnight Owl will be the place to be for October. You’ve also planned a few events for the spooky month for all ages.
There are a few reading hours planned for children during the day, costume contests, and some trick or treat candy lined up to buy. Your shopping list was filling up quickly. For the nighttime events you’ve gotten together with Josie to throw a movie night every Sunday night at eight in October. You’ve already planned a lineup of movies to play and popcorn to order. You still can’t decide on having two movies or not, a family friendly one first and then a scary one. She’ll figure it out.
To say that you are bubbling with excitement is an understatement.
You're in the middle of dragging out one of the boxes of decorations from the attic when the door chimes open.
“Welcome in! Help yourself to shop or if you wait a few minutes, I can fix you a drink at the cafe!” You shout from behind the large box you’re carrying. It’s not heavy, filled mostly with paper and plastic decorations. The box itself is just quite large, and it blocks your view when you walk.
“What are you doing?” A soft chuckle passes through, and you recognize it immediately. It’s your new favorite regular.
You set the box down in a huff behind the counter and look at Spencer exasperatedly.
“If you must know, I’m preparing for Halloween.” You said matter-of-factly.
Spencer’s hazel eyes light up, the same way he gets when he’s about to tell you a long list of facts about something. You love it when he gets excited. It’s contagious.
“Oh, please continue then. It’s never too early for Halloween.” He said happily.
You let out a burst of laughter and it echoes in the room, “Thank you! Finally, someone who understands.” You tease him.
Spencer’s been coming in almost every night since his first visit. It’s only been a month, but you love talking to Spencer. He’s full of endless information and he loves to read just as much, if not more, than you do.
He has an unfair advantage though. He had admitted how quickly he could read to you in passing a few weeks ago and your jaw dropped. You didn’t believe him at first.
-
“Okay, that’s the fifth book you’ve finished in like two days Spencer. Are you even actually reading them?” You had teased him, when he returned to the shelves looking through the selections.
“Of course I do. I just happen to read twenty thousand words per minute.” He said easily running his fingers along the spines of the books as he pursues.
You scoff, “Yea right.” you rolled your eyes. “Just say you skim through them.”
Spencer shakes his head, “I’m serious, I have an eidetic memory too.” he said.
You blinked at him a few times in disbelief before just bursting into a fit of small giggles.
“Wow, I wish I could read that fast. I’d get through my TBR so much faster!” you said impressed.
Spencer pauses looking at you, trying to assess if you're trying to make fun of him or not. Your face is split into a wide grin, and he realizes you are intrigued by this little tidbit. You didn't think it was weird, that he’s weird.
Spencer felt his face flush a bit, and he just shrugged it off. “It’s not a big deal.”
“No, it’s just a really cool fact about you.” You said, like it was obvious.
Spencer mouth tighten into a fine line, and he shook his head, “That would be a first.” he had mumbled under his breath.
You didn’t press him, but you did file away in the back of your mind his response for later. Clearly Spencer wasn’t used to someone reacting positively to this tidbit about him.
-
You look at Spencer as he stands there watching you. He’s in his work clothes, which you're used to by now, but it’s the opposite of what he wore when they first met. He’s in a purple button up shirt that he’s rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. His cardigan is hanging off his faded brown leather satchel sitting against his hip. He’s leaning on his crutches as she assesses him.
“C’mon,” you said waving for him to follow. “Let’s make something fall flavored to get rolling with the season.” You suggest a small smile tugging at your lips.
Spencer just nods and follows you toward the cafe section.
“Are you a fan of pumpkin flavors or do you prefer other autumn flavors?” You ask him as you walk around the counter to the coffee machines.
The pickup counter for the cafe doubles as a normal place to sit and Spencer grabs a stool to sit in, leaning his crutches against the counter.
“I only like my drinks sweet. Flavor isn’t too important.”
You hum in acknowledgement and get to work on making him a drink. “I’ll just surprise you then.”
Spencer brings out a few books he’s reading and places them on the table. While you make his drink you ask, “What’s your favorite book to read to get into the spooky spirit?”
He perks up, “There’s plenty of options, I think I prefer something classic like The Shinning or maybe even an old compilation of ghost stories. Those are always good.” he said passionately.
“Ooh! I’m obsessed with the paranormal!” you gasp in excitement.
Spencer feeds into the enthusiastic response, “Did you know there are a multitude of categories of the paranormal? Most people only associate it with ghosts or demons, but ufology and cryptozoology are also subcategories. Personally, as interesting as ghost or demon possession stories are, I’m far more fascinated by cryptozoology and the creatures that different areas of the world claim to see and state they have proof of.”
Spencer realizes he’s rambling and tries to cut himself off, but your eyes are wide as you actively lean against the counter giving him your rapt attention.
You notice his abrupt stop and you tilt your head, “Keep going, you have my full attention! I’m trying to get into the spooky spirit!” You drawl out, your rich accent seeping through.
You turn to grab his drink and hand it to him. It's in a nice burnt orange colored mug, “It’s a maple chai latte. Felt like fall to me.” you said quietly, having a matching mug with him. You lean against the counter and bat your hand at his forearm.
“C’mon tell me more!” you giggled.
Spencer stared at you in awe for a moment, before he tried to hide his expression through drinking his latte.
“Ghost hunting became popular in the early 2000s, but it’s been around since the 1920’s and even before then there were popular ghost stories told throughout history! Humans have always been interested in the afterlife which is why we’re probably so fascinated by looking for proof of the afterlife.”
You nod and sips from your own mug, “Have you ever watched those ghost hunting shows before?” you asked curiously.
Spencer shook his head no. “I don’t watch a lot of television.”
You hum in thought, “Yeah, that checks out. Well, they’re super cheesy and trashy. Love them to be honest.”
“Which one’s your favorite?” he asked, leaning closer against the bar.
It felt like it was only the two of them in the bookstore. Inside their own bubble, the world moved slowly inside the confines of the Midnight Owl.
“This is gonna sound so awful!” you laughed lightly shaking your head, “There’s a show called Ghost Adventures, and the main guy, Zak Bagans, he’s such a dick to the ghosts! He instigates all the time, and I mean, regardless of if ghosts are real, he goes in hot ! Not to mention he always throws his costar Aaron into the worst places! It’s just insane, absolute trash.” you shake your head in disbelief.
“But you love it?” Spencer asked.
You gave him a deadpan stare, “Oh absolutely, it’s the best kind of quality trash.”
You burst into a fit of giggles and Spencer couldn’t help but find it contagious.
“Aaaaaaanyway~” You drag out, moving to grab your box of decorations.
“Wanna help me decide how to decorate?” you ask him, grabbing a pumpkin garland out of the bin and tossing it dramatically over your shoulders like a scarf.
Spencer brushes his loose hair out of his face and nods. He may still be useless on crutches, but he could help... Kind of.
You empty the containers of the bin on the counter where Spencer’s sitting and he quickly grabs his mug to lift it up to avoid being knocked over from the avalanche of orange and black. You smile at him apologetically before trying to dig out your favorite decorations.
-
Spencer’s face is twisted in a look of frustration as he sits in the corner reading. He came in a while ago and besides his drink, he hasn’t spoken much to you.
Which isn’t a bad thing, tonight was one of the busier nights. It was mid-October, and the festivities had been nonstop. Tonight was vampire night, which upon entering the building Spencer was already grimacing. There was a special drink deal on the board hanging above the cafe for anyone buying a vampire related book. Twilight , Dracula , Carmilla , Interview with a Vampire, just pick a title it was an option with its own fun themed cafe drink that was absolutely red.
It wasn’t like you knew he had just finished working on a case that involved vampirism, but the odds weren’t in his favor for finding an escape from the most recent case. Halloween season had its ups and downs he supposed.
There was no way of explaining his slightly irritable mood. Spencer hadn’t mentioned his work to you. You never asked, and he didn’t feel like explaining that he spent most of his waking hours profiling serial killers. In the past it hasn’t made the best openers in conversation. It’s also nice to have this small corner of his life not be coated with unsubs, victims, and death. It’s just his favorite bookstore.
Spencer looked up to see you making more drinks, the cafe was popular tonight. Your chatting up another woman who’s laughing at the joke you told her. The other woman is holding a book that Spencer is positive is a vampire novel.
“And I have one raspberry mocha for a Carmilla lover!” your voice rang out and you handed over the drink to the customer.
“Come back Sunday for our movie night, we’re playing Beetlejuice !” you said and waved goodbye to the customer.
For eleven o'clock at night the shop was busy. Busting out drink after drink and ringing up books at the cafe register. It was your idea to do a deal with a themed book and drink combo, but you didn’t expect to still be busy into the night. You hadn’t even had a break in customers to say hello to your regulars.
For business, this was great, for your own mental health, you were struggling. You just needed it to slow down enough to catch your breath. You should have scheduled someone else on shift with you, but you weren’t about to call for help now. It was your mistake, and you'll live with it. You made a note to make sure someone is on shift with you tomorrow night for a different themed deal.
After another round of five more customers there is finally a break. You sighed leaning against the counter and took a grounding breath. You don’t move for a minute, just catch your breath before you look up and catch Spencer from his chair looking at you. You shot him a shaky smile that is supposed to be reassuring but actually looks like you’re about to cry. Spencer’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and he decides to get up and come over. The cafe was still bustling but no one was sitting at the counter. Spencer shoves his book into his bag, grabs his crutches and hobbles to the counter.
“Busy night?” he asked, already knowing the answer but trying to see how you were doing.
Your eyes look up into his hazel ones and you look worn. “In my head, the whole vampire boom and Halloween themed event seemed like a good idea. For profit, absolutely. For my sanity? I never wanna see another Twilight shirt or raspberry flavored item for a while.” you said in a groan placing your head against the counter.
“What is Twilight ?” Spencer asked.
He doesn’t know anything except that it has something to do with vampires and its popular enough that the victims of the latest case were also obsessed with it. He knows it’s a book, but besides that, he has no clue.
You slowly move to look up and blink at him for a moment, trying to deduce if he’s being serious or not. “Very funny Spencer, I know you’re not asking what the pop culture phenomenon Twilight franchise is.” you replied with a laugh.
After a moment of looking at Spencer’s confused face you realize he was in fact, unaware. Your eyes widen.
“Wait, wait, wait, you seriously don’t know? I mean it’s like everywhere. The second movie is coming out in less than a month. I don’t think I’ve sold so many copies of a book in my life. I can’t keep New Moon on the shelves.” you said almost exasperatedly, but the smile on your face gave it away. If Spencer didn’t know any better, he’d think you were getting a kick out of it. He knows by now you won’t make fun of him; you're elated for a completely different reason.
“I just know it’s popular and about vampires.” He replied with a shrug.
“Oh my god, I get to explain Twilight to you.” your face splits into a massive grin, your energy returning quickly.
Spencer quirks an eyebrow, “I thought you were over hearing Twilight ?”
“No, no, no, no! This is totally different!” you're almost vibrating with excitement. “I’ve read all the books, I’m gonna let you borrow my copy next time you’re in! Actually, I’ll give you the first two since you read so fast!” her words are running together in a run on sentence she’s talking too fast. Your accent came through stronger than ever with your eagerness.
He doesn’t have it in him to turn you down, you're just so thrilled. Spencer just finds himself too caught up in your joy to tell you he had no interest in the book series. He finds himself agreeing to borrow your copies.
“I can buy them if you need me too. I don’t want to take your copies unless, you’re sure.” He offers.
You shake your head, “I can’t keep them on the shelves long enough for you to buy them. Just go ahead and take my copies.” You move to make Spencer a drink that isn’t one of the red blood themed drinks on the menu. “It’s not a big deal. I do have a lot of sticky notes in there though, my friends and I read it for a book club night.”
He sits up a little straighter, suddenly becoming more interested in reading these books. Not because of their pop culture relevance but because he could read your commentary. There was something special about that, sharing a book with annotations.
“I’ll bring one too.” He finds himself offering before he can think.
Your face glows as you hand him a chai latte. “I’d love that! It’ll take me a bit longer to read than you will.” you joked lightly.
“It’ll be worth it; I haven’t had someone to talk to about books since my mom.” He said looking down at his drink, his eyes growing distant for a split second.
You open your mouth to ask but quickly shut it, biting the inside of your cheek to stop. You might be nosy, but you knew when to not pry. It was how Spencer seemed to be somewhere else in his mind, if only for a moment. It was enough to know that you had no business asking him to open a can of worms he maybe didn’t want to. Instead, you turn around to grab a set of fake vampire teeth to put in your mouth. They were small and awkward and not cute by any means, but if you could get him to smile, that was all you needed.
You patiently wait for Spencer to look back up at as you rest your head in your palm and keep your face neutral. The fake teeth are making your mouth uncomfortable, but you’ll survive.
When Spencer does look up and sees you dramatically batting your eyes at him and grinning madly with children’s plastic vampire teeth, he can’t control the bubbling laughter that takes over him. His shoulders shake with the full body movement, and he shakes his head in disbelief.
“Where did you get those?” he asked through his fit.
You turn to spit them out into the trash, your mouth disgustingly filled with drool from the uncomfortable teeth. You cover your mouth and grab your own drink to flush out your mouth.
“They were a gimmick for the themed drinks tonight.” you finally replied. “Good for a quick joke not for actually wearing.” you said groaning.
“Pretty sure they are made for children’s mouths.” Spencer teased.
You shrug and sigh, “Well, being a vampire for Halloween is off the list of options this year. I don’t want to wear those for a whole night.”
“Probably better off.” He said trying to not immediately focus on Dante and his manager coercing a mentally ill young woman into committing vampire ritual like murders.
“Yeah, the whole thing with that celebrity kinda left a sour taste in my mouth.” you mentioned grimacing.
“Dante?” Spencer asked for clarification.
“Yeah, it was all over the tabloids,” you pointed to the magazine stand by the main register. “Got them in this morning.”
Spencer tries to not make a face as he sees them, “You read that?”
You let out a loud snort of a laugh. “No, no, no, oh god!” you stand up a little straighter and push your hair back. “I don’t trust a TMZ article as far as I can throw it, but those murders are real. Making it look like vampire bites...” you shudder, “that just skeeves me out.”
Spencer drinks from his mug but nods his head in agreement. He didn’t peg you to believe paparazzi reports. The magazine articles would be wrong anyway; they didn’t make the arrest until that afternoon. It was refreshing to see someone not believe everything they read.
“If vampires are off your list, what other costumes are you thinking about?” he asked, trying to change the subject.
“No idea.” you groan out in irritation. “I usually do group costumes with my friends but, kind of hard when they live 600 miles away.”
“South?” he asked.
You snorted with a roll of your eyes, “Aw geez what gave it away?” you tease with an exaggerated drawl, making your accent thicker than normal.
Spencer shakes his head in amusement. “Very funny. Why move here?”
You tense up, avoiding his doe eyes. You look down biting your lip nervously. “It’s uh, a long story.” you said quietly.
Your body almost looks like it’s trying to shrink in on itself. Spencer doesn’t need to be a profiler to understand your body language. Whatever it is, you’re not ready to share it.
Instead, he tries to be reassuring that he’s not prying for information.
“I’m a transplant too. I grew up in Las Vegas.”
Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, “I’ve never been, is it really just the strip filled with casinos or are there nice pockets of peace and no tourists?” you asked.
You sigh, “It is a lot of tourists. There’s plenty of local places, ones that are only there if you’ve grown up knowing how to get to them.” he told you in a quiet voice, almost conspiratorially.
Your mouth splits into a smile that reaches your eyes, “So you’ll be my tour guide, right?”
Spencer’s face heats up from the suggestion and your giggles fill the room.
“I’m just teasing you,” you pat his arm reassuringly before going to grab a pastry from the front display.
“Come on and split this last cookie with me, I know I'm not going to sell it.” you said grabbing a chocolate chip cookie and warming it up before cutting it in half.
Spencer’s face is still tinted pink but the soft cookie and the way it melts when he bites into it and seeing you look happier than earlier, is enough for him. A small corner of peace in the world inside the Midnight Owl.
The one after Haley’s funeral
You’re sitting at the checkout counter reading the book Spencer most recently traded with you. It’s one of the Sherlock Homles books, which you had admittedly never read before. You've watched plenty of films and shows but reading it never really crossed your mind.
You joked about making Spencer watch The Great Mouse Detective when you finished so you could explain your first introduction to Sherlock Holmes. He had no idea what you were talking about, which you found charming in its own way. You loved introducing Spencer to the pop culture media that just filled your brain. Even if it was trashy. You had promised him The Great Mouse Detective was anything but trash. A childhood classic for sure.
You take your time reading the books Spencer lent. He started leaving small post-it notes for you in them with commentary and questions. It was like you two had your own language, and it was books. Even if he let you borrow a genre you had no interest in, you suddenly were invested. It was a way to get to know him, and in turn he took your books happily. Your annotations were way more scattered brained and filled with tiny commentary to yourself.
You saw Spencer reading one of the books you let him borrow and he laughed, loudly, in the middle of the store. You both flushed in embarrassment. It was a busy night, filled with university students studying late at night, so it was mostly silent besides the music that was playing through the speakers. You knew you had written something insulting about one of the characters in that sticky note. You were creative with your insults, and you had completely forgotten to take that out before giving it to him. Spencer teased you about your comments on Gale from The Hunger Games for the rest of that night.
You’re in the middle of The Hounds of Baskerville when the door opens. You look up to greet them but your face falls when you see Spencer, he looks terrible. You slowly close the book and move to walk toward him.
His eyes were hollow and the normal dark circles under his eyes seemed impossibly darker than usual. Spencer just seemed sad and defeated. You hadn’t seen this side of him and all you wanted to do was press your thumb to his forehead and smooth out the furrow of his brow. To get him to relax, if only for a moment.
“Hey honey, what’s wrong?” you asked gently walking toward him. You reach out to rub his arms affectionately, “What happened?”
Your voice is soft and sweet, the way you said honey with your southern drawl feels like a hug. Spencer just needed a minute. One second of peace. The image of Haley’s body unmoving with blood still fresh behind his eyes.
“It’s been a long week.” His voice comes out a little rough. He’s haggard from the flight from Nashville and he really didn’t want to go home.
The only comforting place he could think of immediately was the Midnight Owl, of you. Your warm voice and comforting drinks were the only things he could stand to be around.
Your face softens at his words, and you tilt your head, “Do you need a hug?” you asked softly.
There’s a shaky sigh that escapes Spencer’s mouth and he just nods his head, unable to form the words.
You pull him into your embrace gently, your arms wrapped around his shoulders tightly. You rub soothing circles into his back and Spencer holds onto your waist. Your body radiates heat and it's comforting as he shoves his face into your shoulder. You smell like vanilla, cloves, and parchment paper and his whole body relaxes into you. You hold onto him until Spencer pulls away, not wanting him to feel like he was a burden. The store was empty anyway, it's been a slow night.
He takes a deep breath before peeling himself off. He moves his hands to hold your arms so he’s supporting himself. Your eyes soften as you look him over, her hand coming up to cup his face.
“You don’t have to talk about if you don’t want to, but I’ve been told I’m a great listener.” You whisper softly.
Spencer relaxes against your touch and doesn’t say much, just hums in response. He eventually finds his words, “My friends wife died recently, and it just, it was a shock.”
He doesn’t want to get into how Haley died. That his job makes him and his coworkers targets. The people they love. George Foyet died at Hotch’s hands for killing Haley and attempting to kill Jack. Spencer watched Hotch’s face crumble, fall and lose what he loved the most. He knew Hotch didn’t want to divorce Haley, he loved her and his son with his whole heart.
That love had cost him Haley’s life.
“Oh hun,” your voice brings him back, “I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head, “I’ll be fine. I’m just processing it.”
“You don’t have to justify yourself to me, you’re allowed to process and grieve, especially if you knew her.” you tell him firmly. “C’mon, go sit down and I’m gonna make a delicious warm drink and we can just relax alright?”
Spencer gives a tiny, tight smile and lets you grab his hand to pull him to one of the nicer chairs. He sets his cane against the arm rest and is floored by how easy everything is with you.
You don’t push or pry for information, let him ramble, and Spencer doesn’t think he’s had a real friend outside of the BAU in a long time, much less someone his age. As much as he loves his team, there are times where they don’t understand him. It’s a lot easier to be himself with you. Maybe it’s because you don’t know what he’s doing most of his days, and he could argue with himself that you don’t know him. Almost 90% of his life is the BAU, and who is he if he isn’t Dr. Spencer Reid, FBI agent in the Behavioral Analyst Unit? A small part of him hopes he could be the person he becomes when he enters the Midnight Owl.
He’s too lost in his thoughts to notice you walking over with two steaming mugs.
“Here, it’s just tea but I think you need a relaxing drink. No caffeine.” you said with a sweet tone looking him over.
You sit on the arm rest of the chair cradling your own mug. “Can I try something?” you ask him.
Spencer drinks from his mug, but he mutters an agreement under his breath.
“Lean back fully in the chair.” you instructed.
He does as he’s told, he lowers his hands to his lap, mug still warmly pressed into his hands. Spencer isn’t sure what you’re trying to do until your hands are running through his hair, feather light. You’re not massaging his scalp, just the lightest of touches as you card your fingers through his long hair. Spencer’s eyes close and he almost moans from how the tension leaves his body immediately.
You let out a tiny snort but continue the motions.
“My momma used to do this when I was little.” you whisper to him, keeping a low voice.
“I would be asleep in an instant.” you emphasized with a quiet snap of your fingers.
Spencer’s eyes flutter open to look up at you, his big doe eyes looking up to see your soft features be highlighted in the warm glow of the lamps. You look down at him and tilt your head.
“I might pass out like this.” he murmured in a low voice.
“You can if you want. Promise I won’t let anyone bother you... not that anyone’s coming in anytime soon.” You drawl out looking around at the empty shop.
“Just a quick nap, twenty minutes.” he told you, voice already fading and his eyes growing heavy.
You don’t respond to him, just continue stroking his hair until he falls asleep. He felt the warm mug leave his hands and he heard ceramic clank onto the wooded side table next to him.
You watch Spencer sleep, giving him much longer than twenty minutes. His dark circles told enough; he needed this nap more than he was letting on. It takes less than five minutes for Spencer to pass out. His body relaxed into the chair with all tension leaving his body. You slow down your movements until you feel safe enough to stop. His small snore a sign he was asleep.
You moved to stand and went back to your duties, which wasn’t anything more than inventory tonight. Mondays were always slow.
You moved about the bookshop, filing away books, crossing off things on your checklist, and beside the few customers that came in for less than twenty minutes each, the night was quiet. Enough so that you let Spencer sleep much longer than twenty minutes.
Spencer sleeps peacefully for most of the night. You check on him occasionally, and besides the few snores, he’s sound asleep.
Around four in the morning he stirs awake, blinking blearily and looks around the store. You hear him and poke your head out from behind a shelf.
“Good morning sunshine!” you teased in a chipper tone.
Spencer looks at you confused before looking down at his watch. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” he asked, tone not accusing, just confused.
You shrug and make your way over to him, “You looked like you needed the sleep.”
You gently reach your hand up to smooth the furrow of his brow. “You’ll die young from all that stress you’re carrying on your shoulders.” You tell him softly. The way you’re gently touching his forehead is like you’re trying to erase the stress and pressure.
Spencer sighs into the light touch, “For sleeping on a chair, it was pretty peaceful.” he murmurs.
You snort in amusement. “Well, at least I know they’re comfy.”
“I sleep on planes frequently, so this is much better.” he said.
“Travel a lot for work?” you asked.
Spencer just nods. Not wanting to explore too deep into his job. The job that was leaving him sleepless most nights.
“Do you feel any better?” you ask quietly.
He nods solemnly. “Better than when I arrived.” he said with a shrug.
You frown but don’t press, you push his hair back again giving him a reassuring smile.
“I’m a good listener if you ever need to talk. Promise.” You hold out your pinky finger in the childish gesture of a pinky promise.
Spencer finds himself smiling, finding it charming. Regardless of his problem with germs, it doesn’t feel so intense with you. You’re not a stranger anymore. He hooks his pinky with yours.
“Not now.” He whispers. “But someday...”
“Someday.” you reaffirm.
The one about family
Spencer’s surprised to see that you’re not working one random night in November. He knows that, of course, You can’t possibly be working every single night he comes in. It just throws him off when he doesn’t see you immediately. The sunshine woman behind the bar making him a new sickly-sweet coffee to try. You’ve only ever missed one day max two, so he doesn’t think much of it. Just a blip on his night.
One night without you suddenly turns into half a week. Every day Spencer walks in and it’s not your bright bubbly voice greeting him. It’s one of the handful of people who work the late-night shift. They aren’t strangers, Spencer’s ran into a couple of them occasionally. So, when Spencer comes into the bookstore to see, yet again, Robert, manning the front desk lazily flipping through a magazine, his mild frustration turns to worry. You've been gone for four days and none of your coworkers seem to know why.
What if you’re sick? What if something happened to you? Did you take a vacation? What if you’re in danger?
The thoughts consume Spencer so much he almost calls Garcia to track you down. Or at least give him your address to check on you. He pulls himself together and realizes that it would be a bad idea and an invasion of your privacy. He’ll just have to wait it out.
Spencer does wait, mostly because he’s forced too. The BAU never truly stops working.
When he finally sees you again it’s near the tail end of November and way too close to Thanksgiving for his liking. He feels like you've been gone for ages, but it’s only been two weeks. The door chimes behind him as he walks in, he’s expecting to see your eyes light up with a smile on your flushed pink cheeks. The way you’ve always greeted him.
Instead, he sees a side of you that he’s not used to at all. You look tired, exhausted. The dark circles under your eyes could compete against his natural ones. You’re wearing glasses which he’s never seen on you before. Her hair is haphazardly tied up, and You're in a large well-worn sweater that reads, ‘Read Banned Books’. He doesn’t think you've slept much, if at all, since he last saw you.
You look like a zombie, barely functioning.
You don’t even register Spencer enter; you're standing at the checkout counter finishing a transaction with a customer. You're swaying on your feet the whole time.
Spencer lets you finish the interaction before coming over to the counter, concern clear on his face.
“Y/N?” He says your name softly as he approaches.
Your eyes fly up to him and widen a little in surprise, your body reacts with a small flinch. “Oh god Spencer!” You give a soft laugh, your hand coming up to clutch your chest, “You scared me! I didn’t hear you come in.” you try to calm yourself down.
Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes and Spencer can tell. It doesn’t take a profiler to see you’re not yourself. Her eyes are only half open, your hands shaking from what he can only assume is the obscene amount of caffeine you probably have in your system. Everything just seems muted, not the bright colors he used to see you framed in.
“Are you feeling okay? You’ve been gone for a while.” he prompts, trying to get something out of you. A clue to what might have happened. Anything.
You shake your head, “I’m fine, everything’s fine.” You said it a little too quickly.
Spencer doesn’t buy it, but he’s kept enough secrets to himself to know he probably shouldn’t go looking into friends’ private lives. Some things he knows he’d rather keep to himself... but seeing you like this, he wants to help.
You avoid his eyes and start to play with your hands on the counter. “I-” you open your mouth but promptly shut it again. You bite your cheek with a frown plastered on your face.
“Sorry, it’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.” you said quickly before turning to grab some books from behind the desk to busy yourself with.
You don't want to talk about or think about it. It’s been a long two weeks, and you just need some normalcy. Something that you know you can do and enjoy.
You feel Spencer’s eyes burning into you. You try to keep your usual high energy, you truly do. Everything has been so rough this month; you just need a break. The bookstore was your one solace. The Midnight Owl wasn’t just a job, it was your home. Your safe haven.
You didn’t want to bring your real life here, not when sometimes your only highlight is seeing Spencer and sharing books back and forth. If he starts asking about your life outside the four walls of your shop, you don’t know if you can hold yourself together. Not today.
“Y/N,” he opens his mouth trying to get your attention again.
“Really Spencer, it’s fine, I’m fine!” you tell him, a short tone to your voice.
You spin on your heels to walk somewhere, anywhere, else. “You know I have your book actually, let me return it. I left some notes in there.” You make it five or six steps before you falter and sways again. Spencer reaches out to grab and steady you.
“Forget the book, you don’t look fine.” He makes you face him. “You look exhausted.” He chastises you.
You deflate immediately and let Spencer guide you to a chair. He gently sets you down and he pries the book out of your hand and places it on the side table.
“Sorry, you don’t have to take care of me.” you murmur feebly swatting him away. “I just...” You take a deep breath. “I had to take dad to the hospital on Tuesday and it’s just been downhill all week...” you admit timidly. You pushed your glasses up to your hairline and pressed the heels of your palm to your eyes.
“I haven’t gotten much sleep.” you admit.
“You’ve run yourself ragged.” Spencer lowers himself to be eye level with you. “Is he home now?” he asks gently.
“No, they’re keeping him one more night.” you said with a heavy sigh.
Your arms fell in between your knees, and you lean your head back exhausted. “It’s just been hard this past year...” your voice is small and lingers with sadness.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked hesitantly.
Spencer maybe doesn’t like talking about his hardships, but he’ll listen to yours if you let him. He wants to desperately ease your mind, see you smile.
You look up at him, eyes wide as you assess him. “I don’t want to put my problems on you Spencer.” you give a tight smile. “I’ll figure it out.”
Spencer reaches out to put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Talking about it doesn’t mean that you’re inconveniencing me. I'm just worried.”
You sigh, already feeling him chip away at you. You didn’t stand a chance against his big doe eyes looking at you like you were fragile.
You take a deep breath before answering him, “My dad has ALS, he was diagnosed a few years ago... I’ve been taking care of him.” you admit.
“Where we were, the doctors just weren’t cutting it. So, I did some research and of course there were stellar doctors in DC... plus my baby sister came here for university so I just thought... maybe it would be easier. On all of us.” The tone of your voice gives your worry away.
“Anyway, he just, he had an accident and fell down the other day. His legs are finally giving out and he’s being so stubborn about needing a wheelchair.” Your voice shakes and you close your eyes.
“It’s been a long week.” you finally admit looking up at Spencer with watery eyes.
Spencer understands. He’s spent most of his life taking care of his mom because of her own illness. While your dad is suffering from something different, he understands. Probably more than you realize.
“I get it, I do.” he said. You go to retort, but he cuts you off. “I took care of my mom for a long time. She...” He pauses looking at you, debating for a moment on if he should tell you.
“My mom has schizophrenia, and I committed her when I was eighteen.” he tells you with a tight frown.
“It’s hard to take care of your parents, especially when it’s their job to take care of us.” He tells you sincerely.
You have tears pricking your eyes, “Oh Spencer, I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head, “I’m telling you this because I understand. I promise I do, it’s not easy.”
You take a shaky breath; your heart feels like it’s a thousand pounds. “Does it ever get easier?” you ask softly.
Spencer squeezes your hand, “No, it doesn’t. There are happy moments though. Moments where you know you’re doing the right thing, even if it’s difficult.”
You sniffle and wipes your face, “Thanks, I uh, I needed that.” you said with a small smile.
-
It’s getting closer to Christmas. The bookstore is decorated and busier than ever. There’s a handful of special events but between people coming in to buy presents and university students staying all night to study for finals, you have your hands full.
There’s a second staff member working nights with you this month until the holiday break starts for the store. You and Josie were adamant about closing the bookstore between Christmas Eve and New Years. If someone needed a book that badly they could go to a big box store.
What you really don’t need right now is your baby sister coming to your place of work and harassing you about Christmas and your dad.
“Bridget, I don’t have time to discuss this with you right now!” you hiss out at your younger sister. “You didn’t spend Thanksgiving with us and daddy really wants you to come home just for Christmas.” you chastised your sister with a frown.
You have a pause in customers for the moment, but you know that the large study group is coming in half an hour like they have been for the past week and half.
“That’s not fair Magpie!” your sister groans in frustration using your nickname to try and be sweet. “I made these plans months ago; Mark really wants me to spend Christmas with his family.”
You cross your arms and look at your sister sadly. “Birdie, we don’t know how much time we get with dad-” you start but is cut off.
Bridget’s face scrunches in disgust at her sister’s words and huffs exaggeratedly. “Good god Y/N! He’s not gonna die over the holidays, stop fucking guilt trippin’ me over every decision because it doesn’t revolve around dad!”
Bridget’s annoyed and you can tell, she always tries to skirt around her problems when she’s frustrated. She thinks you’re trying to back her into a corner.
“Birdie-”
“It’s Bri. I go by Bri here.” Her sister crosses her arms and looks at you in annoyance.
“Look, I know dad’s sick, I’m not stupid.”
“I didn’t say you were Bridget.” you said defensively.
She rolled her eyes, “I didn’t decide to pack everything up and move dad out to DC. Just because you’re closer doesn’t mean I’m going to stop living my life to take care of daddy.”
You bite your tongue. Trying to not fight with your sister, but your irritation rises in your throat. Burning words of resentment linger in your mind.
“Fine. Would you please just call him on Christmas and please come by after the New Year. He really misses you.” You try to plead with your sister.
Bridget just waves goodbye as she walks out the door, “Will do. See you next year Magpie.” she almost ran out the door.
You deflate, your shoulders dropping. You almost don’t hear Spencer walking up next to you holding a gift bag in his hands.
“I didn’t know your sister visited you.” he said.
You look up at him and smile at your favorite regular. Your friend. You think they’re allowed to call each other friends now. He already saw you cry and that was a big step.
You shake your head, “Yeah, we’re not as close as we used to be.” you mumble under your breath.
Spencer nods his head. He never had any siblings, but he can read your face well enough to know you’re not thrilled.
“Still close enough for nicknames, Magpie?” he asked, biting back a smile.
“Childhood nicknames, Birdie and Magpie. Cause we were birds of a feather.” You said looking down at your hands sadly.
“It’s fine.” you shrug it off and give a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. You lean against the counter. “What’s that you got there?” you asked, changing the subject.
You’re pointing to the gift bag in his hands. You tilt your head curiously.
“Oh, this is,” he flushes for a split second rushing his words out. “This is for you. I know you’re closing for the holiday soon and I don’t know if I’ll have a last-minute work call or not so., I brought your Christmas present.” He fumbled through his words quickly, but he held out the small bag.
You light up immediately. Your eyes shimmer with excitement. “Aww, Spencer! This is so kind thank you!”
You bend down below the counter and grabs your own item, “I actually have your present too.” you said shyly, handing him a wrapped package.
Spencer is quiet as he gently takes the gift from you, a tiny smile on his face. He brushes his hair back out of his face as he looks at you softly.
“This is so kind thank you.”
Giddy giggles consume you, and you hold the gift bag. “Should we open them together or do you want to wait until Christmas?” you asked.
Spencer shakes his head, “No no, you can open it now.” He reassures you.
You smile, biting the inside of your cheek and open your present. Under the tissue paper is a sweater that’s twice your size and it’s the softest thing you’ve ever felt. You pull it out and it’s a purple crocheted sweater with a beautiful sun right in the middle. It reminds you of one of the tapestries from the late nineties that would have been in Practical Magic or something like that.
“Oh Spencer, this is perfect.” you say quietly holding it tightly to your chest. “Thank you so much, I love it.”
You pull off your cardigan and immediately shove the sweater on. You nestle yourself inside it and grins widely, “It matches your scarf!”
Spencer just takes in your joy and how you light up, and he’s happy he could make you feel better.
“Well go on open yours!” you said excitedly pushing your wrapped package toward him.
Spencer gently peels back the wrapping paper and uncovers a white box; he opens the box to find a ceramic mug. It's custom made, with some uneven texture. It’s glazed a speckled purple and wrapped around the bottom is a quote, “Some books are so familiar that reading them is being home again.” -L.M. Alcott
Spencer is quietly inspecting it, and you start explaining. You push your hair behind your ear, “I uh, I took a pottery class in my free time this past year. Since you’re here so much I thought you would like your own mug.” you said hesitantly.
Spencer’s eyes widen, “You, you made this? For me?” he asked in surprise.
You nod, looking down at the counter nervously.
Spencer makes his way around the counter and pulls you into a tight hug. “This is the best gift anyone's ever gotten me.” he whispers to you.
You return the hug holding Spencer tightly. You press your face into his shoulder, and you feel infinitely better than how your night started.
When they pull apart you play with the edge of the new sweaters' sleeves, a small blush on your face. “Do you go visit your mama for holidays?” you asked him.
Spencer shakes his head, “Not all the time. My job doesn’t usually care if it’s a holiday or not.” he tells you.
You nod, “Well, I hope you get to this year Spencer. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
He takes a shaky breath and nods in agreement. “Yeah, I’ll try to see her soon.”
You nudge him lightly, trying to keep the tone light, “Want a fresh drink in your new mug?” you tease.
Spencer chuckles but nods his head. “I’d love that.”
“We’re about to test run if I’m actually good at pottery. So, fingers crossed it doesn’t leak.” you joke moving to the cafe counter at the back of the store.
Spencer watches you walk away, with a skip in your step like the first night he came to the Midnight Owl. The way you easily glide through the crowd and chatter with customers and giggling.
You shine bright like a star, like the sun.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid fanfic#x reader
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;-; i just wanted to say ty for all your posts in the fof tag. now i'm thinking about ying lei and his yeye ying zhao... and now there is no one left to guard the mountain, but ying lei died in the same way as ying zhao, saving people he cares about
Don’t mention it! I blorb too much about things I really like it embarrasses me at times. I’m just glad you like my takes!! Anyway:
😭😭😭😭 this drama exists to hurt us,, I think more than dying for people he cares about (because nearly everyone who died did that), Ying Lei's characterisation and death provides a unique but tragic pov within the main cast
Ying Lei my poor Ying Lei. We don’t really talk too much about him don’t we. So let’s just talk all about him. CHARACTER ANALYSIS TIME YAY
Ying Lei is unadulterated sunshine and has a good heart. Morally, he is on the same page as the rest of the team. Yet, it absolutely breaks my heart that his fate is to be an outsider within the thematic concern of choice in FoF and resultingly, in the narrative.
His place in the overarching thematic concerns of FoF is unclear when we first meet him - he is simply a wandering half mountain god half demon with a bright disposition. But as with many characters in FoF, their appearances aren't just for naught. Ying Lei's representative theme - the freedom of choice and the ability to choose one's identity - finally shows itself in one of the most beautifully written (am biased) episodes of the series, Episode 17, which is all about choice.
In this episode, Ying Lei vents his displeasure of the Wilderness towards grandpa Ying Zhao
"I hate this place. I hate the Wilderness. It's so bleak and desolate. (…) If I have to stay here forever, I'd rather die. (…) I like the mortal world. I like everything that is vibrant and lively."
To which grandpa Ying Zhao gives him his blessing to head to the Mortal Realm,
"…as your grandfather, I respect your decision. You can be a Mountain God or an ordinary person."
His next sentence cements the plight of many demons (and humans) we encounter in the story,
"For many demons in the Wilderness, their lifelong dream is just three simple words… Have a choice."
These three words all the more juxtaposes Ying Lei's freedom to choose his identity, against every other character who faces this fate of not having a choice.
The Lie Demon, unable to say her true feelings until her moment of death, and Fei, who shares similar sentiments as Ying Lei about the mortal world,
"I'm a beast of calamity, I don't deserve to live in the mortal world. But I really like the bright lights, the liveliness and happiness, and the prosperity here." (Ep 13)
And Zhao Yuanzhou, where even in the same Episode 17, echoes Ying Lei's words,
"If this world gave me life to be manipulated by malicious energy, then I'd rather die."
Same words, but a different way out. Or there isn't one at all.
Ying Lei is the only one whose fate hasn't been carved out in stone for him. Even after Ying Zhao's death, he is still able to leave Kunlun Mountain and rejoin the team because he has the support of other Mountain Gods watching over the temple. He is by no means a pampered and spoiled person but he swims in a wealth of freedom. His bubbly, charming and affectionate personality is a physical manifestation of his unburdened self, unbeholden to any ending, except for the one that he wants.
And yet, he chooses a life with the group of people who never have had the option to choose what and who they want to be. Wen Xiao, the Baize Goddess; Zhao Yuanzhao, the vessel of malicious energy; Bai Jiu, determined to bring his mother back; Pei Sijing, the forced breadwinner of her family's martial heritage. To show his determination to be with this group, he never again dons the mature get-up (full sleeved robes and long hair) - his representation of maturing and accepting his responsibility as a Mountain God - after returning back to the Mortal Realm. Rather, he dons the get-up he first roamed the Mortal Realm with (or similar), metaphorically putting aside all that celestial burden in exchange for the friends that he desires. Just who in the group can as easily shed their very roots and history? His precious freedom to choose ironically makes him the outsider in a group whose only wishes are to be able to choose.
He gets along with the team, but no matter how many times he ties the knot of fate around them, these people were never his fate to begin with. Fate found the rest of them and demanded they be bound. Ying Lei wrestles that rope of fate, trying to get in, albeit with rejection. The narrative demonstrates this:
The team was initially formed without him, and he joined later them of his own accord - his own choice - while the others literally were forced to sign a death contract to be together. In the later episodes, his affection for Bai Jiu is often overshadowed by Bai Jiu's respect for Zhuo Yichen. He also continually tries to get both Bai Jiu and Zhuo Yichen's approval - head pats, anyone? Zhao Yuanzhou doesn't trust him to look after the dragon scale. In their conversation with Bing Yi, their team count is five, instead of six. His closest companions within the team are each other's confidants.
Even at his very end, the narrative still denies him a fate with them. He dies for Bai Jiu who is the only person he loves wholly, and fades away before Bai Jiu wakes from his coma. Neither gets to say goodbye. Bai Jiu who genuinely mourns his death, dies for Yichen. In a story where the cyclical nature of fate runs deep, there is no thread of fate that leads back to him. There is no resolution or reciprocation for Ying Lei's soul and sacrifice. Every thread is cut and never retied, no matter how he tries. Siheng has Sijing left to remember him. Yichen keeps Baijiu close to his heart. Wen Xiao and Yichen wait for Zhao Yuanzhou to return. But no one truly reminisces Ying Lei. The only people to do that are dead.
Ying Lei's tragedy lies in his freedom to choose. In a world where most fate is predetermined and choice is a scarcity, his death is all the more painful as every act is a conscious choice toward an unknown end. He carries a burden after all - the burden of writing his own story. And he braved each step with that brilliant smile of his.
我爱这个世界更多 又如何 So what if I love this world even more? 越平凡越长久 The more ordinary it is, the longer it lasts 月亮跟着我点头 The moon nods along with me 简简单单入梦的人最温柔 Those who step into dreams simply are the gentlest 分不清眼泪和酒 真让人挠头 This inability to distinguish between tears and wine, really makes one scratch their head 月亮和小狗默默跟我走 The moon and a puppy walk with me in silence 岁月从不停留 Time never stops once 少年也不回头 This youth also never turns back 他把故乡和爱留在身后 He leaves behind both his hometown and love
- 英雄不磊落 (Heroes Are Not Upright) | Ying Lei's Theme
#reminds me of that night I cried buckets at ep30#I was downright sobbing#BOY IS ONLY 18#he deserves better#ah pain#also ive been writing this for 3 hours#pls send in more asks about fof characters id love to be a nerd#fangs of fortune#大梦归离
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odysseus. sfw.
logan howlett x fem goddess reader
note: this is basically a circe x odysseus!au but also not moving according to the actual story. I've alternated the ending too. I've always wanted to write logan in such a theme/au so I'm happy that I did. it's short but still feeling satisfied. I also blame Madeline Miller for her amazing writing, just finished reading circe and I cried AGAIN. first tsoa and now circe.
warnings 4 this ?? bittersweet, hurt to comfort, reader is just a girl that's thousands of centuries old, logan is a worn out warrior, he'll never introduce himself in the story btw
“I heard my men came this way, my goddess. I mean no harm or to intrude but to only ask your assistance to find them.” His voice was soothing but raspy. His shoulders sunburned but prideful. Age was evidently catching up to him but he remained as handsome as other mortal men you'd witnessed before, although not plenty. You wondered if he would be any different but then you remembered the nature of all men before him and you mentally shook your head. He was just another pig to be.
You welcomed him to your home and offered him the best hospitality like you did to all of your guests. He ate as he spoke to you about a distant home he was missing, then his wife, and for a while you wondered if having a wife would make him less of a monster. But the men before him surely would have wives too, or loved ones, and if not most of them then some of them. Yet they had still been pigs.
He could sense your hesitation and you could sense his. At some point you noticed that he had not touched his wine — clever man he was. It was the wine that would cause him harm and he somehow knew. He kept twisting the full goblet in his hand without ever drinking from it, his mouth occupied by mere words of his trips and his suffering.
“You have not touched your wine.” You told him and his eyes glinted as he looked at you. He definitely knew.
“My goddess, if you'd allow me to speak honestly.” He said and you offered him a firm nod. You were fearless and he clearly liked that by the way he smiled at you. “My men. You have done something to them,isn't that right?”
A sly smile adored your features and to your surprise his own never disappeared.
“I let them in,fed them and cared for them. Yet they wished to steal from me.” You responded while circling him like a predator. That's what you were — and those stupid men were your prey.
“I have spoiled them. They're all idiots whose judgement has been clouded by the endless war.” The handsome man explained as he stroked his beard, his eyes following your every move. He turned with you as you circled him; as if this was a game. Perhaps it was.
“They are idiots and to that we may agree.” His smile grew at your words and he tilted his head slightly.
“I don't wish to fight you, my goddess. I see no reason to. Do you?” His goblet remained in his hand, untouched and filled to the brim. Despite him toying around with it, the wine never spilled from the cup.
“You knew about the wine.” You suddenly told him.
“And you know about the flower.” He shot back and the two of you exchanged glances longer than any season of time. Your face beamed with energy and warmth while your eyes moved like a prying serpent. His, on the other hand, were cautious but delightful to look at.
“Hermes gave it to you, did he not? And yet you haven't used it against me.” The man's next actions surprised you as he grabbed his satchel and threw it on the stoned floor. The roots of the flower, which was meant to go against you, were visible within the satchel.
You stared at the stranger in disbelief but he smiled again. Almost laughed.
“Like I said, respectful goddess, I see no reason to fight you. It's just not within reason to do so.” His words surprised you even more, how smooth of a talker he was but also how intelligent. Bards would die for this type of inspiration while others would sacrifice whatever for even half of his sentence’s worth. “My men are stupid but they mean no harm. The Trojan war has corrupted their minds but also I, their captain, have failed to properly teach them manners. They're young.” He took a step forward but you didn't cower. He appreciated that.
“Get to your point, mortal.” You said while raising your chin with pride, challenging him with your gaze.
He grinned and his teeth showed. “All I ask is to get my men back. In return, I will offer whatever I can to you.”
You thought about the events unfolded ever since your birth. How little you knew for your age; so old you'd forgotten it yourself. You were the daughter of a Titan, not newborn divinity. You knew what mistakes were better than anyone and you had learned, one way or another, to distinguish good from bad. This man was neither.
And then the agreement was made.
His men were back to their original humane forms and dined happily downstairs, finally at ease. You let them for the sake of the man that had charmed you with his words and brains.
“Our agreement.” That familiar raspy voice called out to you and you turned around, staring at his form on the doorway. He was leaning against it like he'd been here before but it didn't insult you.
He approached you slowly, one step after the other. His face hovered closely over yours as he spoke again. “One kiss.” The man repeated what you'd requested of him that night but before he could complete his pay, you stopped him.
He froze upon feeling your fingers upon his lips and his eyes stared at you — more worried than feared.
“I changed my mind.” You whispered as your fingers caressed his lips, chapped and rough. The man remained still as he listened. “I ,once, turned a girl into a monster for supposedly taking away a man I loved. I don't want to do the action which I punished someone for.”
The man nodded then smiled. “I have not met a woman wiser than you,my lady.”
His words brought a smile to your face, one that wasn't sly or contained hidden meanings. It was simply an act of delight.
“All this just to see her?” You couldn't help but ask, referring to his wife.
“Yes.” He answered with pride, and most importantly love, in his eyes. You dragged your fingers from his lips to his cheek and he leaned into your touch willingly.
“I don't know what that's like. To have a husband that actually loves you. All the men around me were never good to their wives.” You told him and something swirled in his orbs — rage.
“Then they were fools.” He whispered. “Even bigger fools for not treasuring you.”
You buried your face into his neck and he let you. His touch was warm and gentle, one arm hugging your waist while the other cradled the back of your head. The touch was so careful, almost fatherly, and you could not remember the last time someone had treated you so gently. So kindly.
You cried in his arms as he held you until the moonlight shed its final moments.
“I will need a few days to fix our ship—”
“Stay.” You cut him off. “As long as you need."
He nodded while tightening his arms around your smaller frame, his large hand still cradling the back of your head as if trying to ease the thoughts that weighed it down.
No matter what, you would help him and the others get home.
#wolverine#wolverine x reader#old man logan#logan x reader#old logan#logan howlett#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett angst#hugh jackman#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman x you#eloquentlytired#old man logan x reader#old!logan howlett#old logan howlett x reader#goddess au
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Good Morning Rainbowsky, hope you are well. I am just wondering with these latest songs..."the drifting "Life of Us" is no longer protracted"... in essence, do you think this is hinting at possible significant changes coming soon? Like millions of their fans, I love the MVs, they are so well produced, it would be grand if ggdd move forward in that direction to produce more MVs, movies and so on. Hopefully they will start recording their songs in English as well, they would be so well received with the international audience.
This is in reference to a previous post.
Hi dottie911, I'm well, thanks! Hope you are too. 😊
That's just an imperfect translation of something that makes more sense using the Chinese song names. The phrase using the Chinese song names reads:
孤舟上的「夜行人」,望着《灯塔》的方向,《漂流》变得不再漫长
The "Night Walker" on the lonely boat looks in the direction of "The Lighthouse", and the "Drifting" no longer seems so long.
vs. the one from my post, which read:
The "Night Person" on a lonely boat, looking towards the "Beacon", the drifting "Life of Us" is no longer protracted.
It looks to me like an attempt to tie all the song titles together into a little story that flows along with the themes of the songs. It's just that you can't say, " the 'Life of Us' no longer seems to be long" because that sounds weird in English. "Drifting" makes more sense in that sentence, but it doesn't simply translate using the English song titles.
The translation I used in that post comes from the official fan club, and they've chosen to write it as 'protracted' to imply 'neverending/tedious' rather than simply 'long'. Everyone would want a long life, few would want one that feels protracted - drawn out, tedious. As you can see they threw drifting in there too, to try to bring it together more, but it just doesn't work fully in English.
Perhaps a Chinese speaking reader can chime in here and do a better job of explaining this than I have.
I wouldn't read anything too dramatic into this. Let's not get carried away and over-interpret everything GG and DD post.
As I've said before, it's unrealistic for fans to expect anything earth-shattering from them. They're both into a groove of focusing on living their best lives and working on the kinds of projects that make them happy. It's highly unlikely they're going to be making any big public announcements or changes, or do anything that will destroy the equilibrium of their lives or disrupt things for the stakeholders connected to their careers.
Re: singing in English - both GG and DD do sing English songs fairly regularly. However, their audience is primarily Chinese-speaking and Chinese is their native language, so it makes sense that most of their work is in Chinese. It's also better for GG to be seen as a Chinese artist appealing to Chinese audiences - particularly with his debut album - rather than as someone who's singing for/appealing to foreigners. If he appeared to be appealing too strongly to foreigners he'd face backlash.
There are still more songs coming, one of them might be in English but I'd be surprised. This album is very personal, and GG is Chinese. His thoughts, ideas, concepts will all be in Chinese.
As an international fan I love it when I can understand what GG or DD is singing, but I enjoy the Chinese songs just as much.
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I agree it feels like season 6 is building up to something that just never pays off. Now, I've been a literati shipper since I was 16 (and Gentle Reader, that was a long time ago). I do think that Jess makes the most sense. But even removing the ship of it all, the themes of s6 is clearly leading to Rory breaking up with Logan. And that just...never happens.
Now, we don't know the production reasons that led to the atoey we saw. The Sherman-Palladinos famously did not return for season 7. Maybe they weren't sure there was going to be a season 7 and had to pivot when they unexpectedly got another year. Maybe they wanted to do more with Jess but Milo Ventimiglia became unavailable due to his Heroes schedule.
Whatever the reason, the story in the first half of the season leads up to a story beat that never arrives in the back half.
So let's discuss.
Rory starts s6 in a tailspin. She's facing legal consequences for her impulsive decision to steal a yacht with Logan. She drops out of Yale after Mitchum Huntzburger tells her she doesn't have the drive to make it as a reporter. And she's fallen out with Lorelai to move in with her grandparents.
Rory is facing an identity crisis. While falling in with Logan and the Life and Death Brigade taught her to relax and enjoy the moment, she's now facing consequences not even being a Gilmore can get her out of. She is sentenced to hundreds of hours of community service and probation for grand theft yacht. The show never tells us what happens to Logan for that same escapade and the presumption is he gets off scot free.
A lot of Rory's story on the show is on the tension of class issues between her working class mother and wealthy grandparents. The entire premise of the show is that Friday Night Dinner pays the debt of the cost of Rory's education. Dean breaks up with her (for the third time! while he was married!) when she stumbles drunk out of her grandparents' house wearing a literal tiara. Her path is bigger than Stars Hollow. But Logan and the LDB are another rung up the ladder. The Gilmores are standard WASP wealthy. The Huntzburgers are titans of industry. The yacht theft is Rory trying to keep up in a world she's never belonged.
She continues to play along in the world of privilege during her time off from Yale. She plans DAR parties and boozes it up with Logan and his pals. Emily makes it clear that she views this time as a stopover on the path to Rory's eventual engagement to Logan. Dropping out of Yale supports that assumption. The Huntzburgers believe Rory is not a suitable partner for Logan. Rory has goals and ambitions of her own - she wants see the world, write, be Christiane Amanpour. Logan's family insist that anyone who wants to work isn't fit to join their ranks. Being a Huntzburger wife is a full time job. Essentially Mitchum Huntzburger and her crisis of confidence has cut the heart out of Rory's ambitions.
So when Jess shows up out of the blue with a cool (and stable) job at an independent press with news of the publication of his novel, it cuts the knees out from her under. Because Jess started with nothing. Now he's made something of himself all on his own. He accomplished something. So when Jess gives her the famous "What's going on? Why did you drop out of Yale?" speech, she has no answer. Rory has been guided by the north star of ambition and now she is rudderless.
So with Jess back and in the healthiest place we've ever seen him, the comparison with Logan clearly points to Logan being one of the things Rory is doing because she is lost.
Consider what we see in Logan in s6. He's drunk. A lot. And not just drunk but wasted. Rory is throwing away her Yale education to...corral her blind drunk boyfriend and his friends?
And then the restaurant scene with Jess. Again, even if we leave ships out of it, we're supposed to believe that Rory Gilmore would EVER be in love with a guy who actually SNAPS HIS FINGERS at wait staff? That this guy represents the best choice for Rory's life? The same Rory who went out of her way to use her basic college Spanish to befriend the latest Gilmore maid? Emily Gilmore fired the maid for that and it's supposed to show her snobbishness in a way that Rory fundamentally isn't. But Rory loves a guy who calls a waitress with "yo yo yo!" I'm sorry no. There's no way. The show clearly wants us to notice the way Logan's behavior is antithetical to her values. He's a symptom of her own lack of confidence, not her great love.
Then if you want to get shippy with it, look at the rest of the way Logan behaves with Jess. Logan does most of the talking, which isn't unusual for Jess. But Jess does mostly refrain from the angry aggressive snark of his teen years. Jess basically sits there and lets Logan look down on him in a way that is very different than Jess and Dean's jealous posturing over Rory.
Logan sits across from someone Rory cares about. He throws his money in Jess's face. He throws his education in Jess's face, never considering the possibility that a guy who published his first book at 21 might be more well-read than he is. Then he insults Jess's book, the thing that Rory beamed with pride about the night before. When Jess finally can't take it and leaves, Logan dismissively tells her to forget him, implying that Jess is someone they both should look down on.
But none of that behavior is reflected in Rory's values. "We used to make fun of guys like this," isn't about romantic jealousy. It's about Rory's choices and whether they help her be the best version of herself.
Rory lost herself trying to play in Huntzberger's world. This is the world her grandmother wants for her, the chance to take the path Lorelai walked away from. But it's not who Rory is.
Rory is hardworking, ambitious. A goal-oriented planner. Someone who not only values education but someone who wants to succeed via education. Trying to be like Logan, giving up her dreams for a chance to spend her life as a Huntzburger wife has pulled her away from her values. Returning to school and going back to pursuing her goals restores her sense of self. It is clear that the show was leading to her breakup with Logan. This would have been the final nail in her own self growth.
But it just...doesn't happen. Rory goes to Philadelphia to see Jess just to hurt Logan, only to realize she loves Logan. It's not an earned realization. It feels more like no one could figure out how to do s7 without a love interest and Logan was just easier. And it muddies the water on why Rory would reject Logan's marriage proposal at the end of s7, when she had been all in even after the show clearly tells the audience Logan is the wrong guy a year earlier.
Because Jess was right. Logan was one of the things in Rory's life that she needed to fix because he only brings out her worst qualities. And she just...doesn't.
was talking today to a couple of people about gilmore girls and one of them said he doesn't like s6 and I was like. I get it but also I love s6. and he was like, really? and I said well yeah! I feel like s6 is underappreciated sometimes or unfairly hated but so much of it is just the natural conclusion of Rory's characterization for the previous five years, the fact that she'd never been rejected, the perfection-is-the-only-thing-allowed attitude, it makes total sense for her to fall apart and need to rebuild herself, and I think it's remarkably well written. but I also feel like it's understandable to not Get It, because s6 is set up for payoff that would never come - bc s7 didn't have access to the creators' plans, bc s8 didn't happen at all, bc ayitl was too little too late and besides, Jess couldn't even appear in it much bc he was too busy on this is us. I mean whether or not you ship it, although I do, to me it seems obvious that literati was supposed to be endgame, in a clear parallel to Lorelai and Luke. Just like how Rory admonishing Jess' behavior led to his growth by s6, Jess putting Rory on the right path mid s6 was supposed to get her ready for him by a season or two later. this is so obvious to me! but since we get set up with no payoff, it just feels... empty, aimless, and kind of depressing. and that sucks bc it's really just so well written
#gilmore girls#literati#rory gilmore#jess mariano#logan huntzberger#rory x jess#rory x logan#this was so long you guys#snd i will be mad about it forever
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Finished TGAAC around 2 1/2 weeks ago but only finished the doodles today. but still, here ya go!
#caluuart#art#dgs spoilers#dgs2 spoilers#tgaa spoilers#tgaa2 spoilers#ace attorney#the great ace attorney#tgaa#dgs2#not tagging characters bc it's a lot#RAMBLE TIME. so ever since I finished dgs2 I have been listening to the soundtracks and MAN these bang so much#esp as a person who plays the piano and likes music. it's just. good. yeah. some of these do give me psychological dmg tho lmaoo#like kazuma's nocturne theme or his prosecutor theme. or the secret trial theme.... the partners - the game is afoot! theme.... I am normal#WHICH SPEAKING OF! man I love the sholmes + mikotoba partner twist so much even if i got a bit spoiled about it. i just think they're neat.#The partners of all time I think.#Also also the found family!?!?!? I am A SUCKER for found family. they fed me so well.#funny thing was the barok character development surprised me despite the fact that I also expected it since the first game lolol.#I do think he's an interesting character and probably one of the best character development in the game. And that I find his design cool.#oh yeah I didn't draw it but when I saw that albert mentioned that barok is “the darling of the van zieks family” I was genuinely like.#huh? wdym. like man at the time “van zieks” and “little darling” feels wrong in the same sentence. that was until I saw his pre-#-trauma pictures n well. albert isn't wrong. which was a slight surprise to me.#In conclusion: I liked it a lot. and now occupies parts of my brain along with my other brainrots.#They fight for priority in my brain whenever I try to sleep or disassociate lol. Well at least there's more material to think about.#off topic time: arlecchino animation. for the sake of the tag's length I'll just say a few things:#I am very very interested in her story and oh my god father.#My brain has stopped braining now; good night my fellows
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You know we all meme about how Luffy doesn't give a shit about his parents/Dragon, how he seemingly has no interest in learning about the man or meeting him at all, and like yeah that is a Luffyism
And for a long time I figured Baby Luffy would be the same too; that Luffy in his naïvete just accepted he must've spawned from the ocean itself into Garp's care or something, not realizing he should in fact have parents, thus Luffy's seeming disinterest in them
But you know what
Luffy did spend most of his early childhood alone
Sure, he had Garp, but it seems like Garp wasn't always there to look after him every day, he had his duties as a Marine too. Had Garp been there 24/7 all year then Garp would never have allowed Luffy to interact with Shanks (a filthy pirate) to begin with. So yes, Luffy had his grandpa, but not all the time. And sure, Luffy also had Shanks, but Shanks didn't spend all his time in Fuusha Village either, he came and went whenever he pleased too until his final departure when Luffy was just six years old. And yes, there was everyone else in the village too, people who cared about Luffy and were helping look after him. But Luffy's early childhood was one without a stable family.
It wasn't until Garp yeeted the child into Dadan's care that Luffy actually gained a proper family, where after months and months of trying Luffy managed to win Ace's trust and gained Sabo as a brother too. But as we know, by that point Luffy already hated being alone
All of this to say; Luffy growing up essentially orphaned would explain why he's so afraid to be alone, the way he clings onto people
In some ways Luffy's POV is meant to be the reader's POV, to some degree Luffy's feelings and thoughts are meant to be how we the readers feel and think about whaveter is happening in the story. Not a 100% by any means, but somewhat at the very least.
Perhaps Luffy's lack of interest in Dragon isn't just "Luffy not giving a damn about blood family because chosen families are better" nor "Luffy is too stupid to understand where babies come from". Perhaps Luffy, who may have assumed he didn't have parents at all (as in "might've assumed they were dead or had intentionally abandoned him"), doesn't know what to think about the fact that he does have a father out there, one whom he has never as much as met. Because yeah, Luffy doesn't know why Dragon left him with Garp, why he never got to be with his dad. Should he be angry at Dragon, hate him for being left alone? Or did Dragon have a good reason for it, does Dragon wish things could've been different?
Perhaps Luffy's seeming disinterest in Dragon isn't because he doesn't care about blood family, but because much like us the readers, Luffy doesn't quite know what to make of Dragon, and figuring those feelings out hasn't been relevant to the plot yet.
#Moon posting#OP Meta#IDK I see people often kind of just. Overly simplify (/dumbify) One Piece's themes about family into just like#''To hell with blood relatives! Chosen family is literally all that matters! Blood relatives can eat shit!''#And it just. Feels like such a shame because One Piece's themes around family are so much more complex than that#Yes! Chosen/adopted families are just as much families as ones tied with blood! A family isn't more real just because it's tied with blood!#Sometimes your relatives suck ass! You don't have to considder them ''family'' at all!#And sometimes your family does Questionable Things but with the well-being of their family genuinely in mind. As their priority.#Despite everything Garp really loves Luffy AND ACE. He's an idiot but genuinely only ever wanted the best for those two#Family is when people love each other and want look after one another. **That's** what matters#That's why blood family reunions have been such a big reoccuring thing in the story especially post-TS#Reuniting families that've been torn apart would not matter if they did not love each other#IDK man I have Thoughts but not the braincells to form coherent sentences
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I love you university libraries I love you free access to databases I love you verified accurate information I love you satisfying curiosity I love you I love you I love youuuu
#found a word in an open thesaurus that seemed to fit my fic perfectly#only problem is it was from middle english so I couldn't find any actual example sentences of how it was used#BUT! then I found it in the oxford dictionary#which it turns out I have free access to through my university library#and there I found even more definitions of it#which make it fully divinely suited to carry the central themes of this fic#AS WELL AS a list of words derived from it that you bet your ASS I'll milk the shit out of#couldn't have asked for anything better#along with dates for when each meaning and derivation came into use - very handy for a dw fic#this fic is officially back on track!#and I have a new favourite word#might even fuck around and include it in my url at some point 👀#roun ftw!!!!!!!!!!!!#maddie debrief
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interrupted a streak of gorgeous books by trying to read l'età fragile by pietrantonio...no writer is perfect but going from l'arminuta (a girl returned, excellent translation from ann goldstein), easily one of the best novels to come out of Italy in recent years, to this boring little thing is so. this book delivers its themes with the same delicacy of a sledgehammer. the little Abruzzo town, the Youths and their Depressions, the people who leave & those who stay but truly with no new insight or take on that trope. plenty of quotes your aunt will use on her whatsapp stories, about not comprehending her Beautiful Sad Daughter affected by The Agonies...
#it feels like such a fine writer read ferrante and involuntarily adopted 4/4ths of her key themes but tried to adapt it to stories that#could have been hers in a much more truthful and complex way#l'arminuta works so well because it plunges you into a story that is perfectly formed from its inception; it knows itself; it doesn't have#to explain#here we have sentence upon sentence on the nature of memories of daughters of life of silence#ma'am just write a good story. just write a story that is compelling. leave the interpretation to the reader. we can read. we can even Infe
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Chu did u ever receive hate. I'm curious sorry
ahahah of course i have nonnie 💁🏻♀️ i think every writer in jjk fandom must’ve already gotten at least one hate for just writing… i made an announcement post about being respectful once after receiving the ask and they never popped up again🤷🏻♀️
#i never brought it up but i really do think there’s a certain toxicity in jjk fandom#i never understand why tho i just think of them as trolls💁🏻♀️#like it’s so weird… i’ve received hate anon asks that bashed another (kind) anon asks i’ve answered#and there’s one who hated my theme that they piled word ‘fuck’ 5x in a single sentence🤡#and there are those also who feel like they don’t get presented with how i write — which is the most banal🤧#if they don’t like it then don’t read—every writer has their creativity freedom and no one can restrict us#🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️#but thankfully there are more of you nice anons here <3 thank youu✨#—chu’s mailbox 📬
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"they shortened maximizer in kamicity ensemble for no reason its already a short song" i mean yeah ur right but also what they removed is the interlude where in the video theres text about being "human" and the implications of that. of course being in maximizer that passage is entirely related to the events and circumstances in aru sekai series. and anyone playing ensemble knows theres a big deal about whether the isotopes count as human or not & if that matters, etc. its also a big deal. However the context and circumstances of the two are entirely different so i think its quite possible they removed that to avoid confusion considering the og mv for maximizer is in the game. if someone were to do a deep dive into kamicity lore itd be easy to point to that as a source if it were left in the game. to which u may point out they left in the flashing text at the end of maximizer. well my friend thats a bunch of words in a row and without context it can mean a great deal of things or even nothing at all which is to say its pretty safe to leave it in. its a bunch of specific words dealing with disaster & the like, which of course kamicity being a ruined city, it can fit without much issue. the earlier text was not at all abstract its a very direct conversation between two people as well as descriptions of events & the situation. and clearly theyre making the effort to show the isotopes as theyre own important entities so leaving in a passage about not acting as a human forfeits ur right live is contradictory to the themes they have going on. also the flashing text is happening around the same time as the staple long notes in the song & removing those would be awkward at best so leaving a bunch of words in is forgivable i would think.
#aru sekai series#kamitsubaki city ensemble#hi i love both aru sekai series & the isotopes dearly#and they do share themes!!!! but theyre handled so differently#but kamicity has a much more optimistic view on the nonhuman & fictitious elements#basically saying if somethings important to u then its important in general. as far as ive gathered.#one of many messages going on actually but anyway#whereas aru sekai focuses on the importance of being real and human and losing ur humanity is a death sentence#above all its important to remember who u are and ur own motivations for doing things#and forgetting any of that reduces u to a mere 'thing' thats no longer allowed any second chances#u will die permanently and the world will continue on only for those that are still 'human'#ENTIRELY different ways of looking at it so i can see why they removed that bit#even if thats not the official or main reason of doing so#probably would not make a difference for a lot of people especially not the non jpn speaking audience#but for the jpn speaking audience i can see how the threat of confusion could be a real problem
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i've been deep in the trenches (trying to outline my imperial china if that still has no title) and if I can pull this off it has the potential to be so fun. or a complete flop.
#so far the prologue has the princess sentencing a musician to have his hands cut off bc he played her dead lover's theme song#and the emperor drunk out of his mind dragging the lake for the body of the same dead lover mentioned above#BUT we have to figure out things like MECHANICS! and PLAYER CHOICE!#and also if i can be bothered to make this more of an RPG system or purely choice based!!!!
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o boy new life series cant wait to Stop Watching As Soon As Someone Permadies
#i dont need more tragedy sorry. but i DO want to see what stupid shit they cook up in there#i need to root for tango also. maybe he'll uh. well. end of sentence.#its kind of a shame im too much of a sap to enjoy em bc theyre truly goldmines for Ideas. y'all have fun for me ok?#life series#secret life spoilers#life series spoilers#footnotes#why are skizz and tango like a bonded pair of birds. god i hope bdubs joins them i want to see that disaster. im rly sad cleo bailed#the heart theme is SO CUTE and will probably stop being cute very fast but SHHH OUTFITS#also i WISH i could be excited abt new watcher subclass symbol dropping but i can Feel the grian fandom being bastards with it#ah yes another morally ambiguous figure who follows their own rules and judges very fairly from that basis-#oh youre making them evil. ok. yeah so theyre the new twisted sicko in charge of the life games even though thats Literally Just Grian. ok.#i have not and will not actually verify if this is what is being said BUT this is one time i would LOVE to be wrong#maybe my curse of saying something abt hermitcraft that immediately becomes false will work out in my favor for once? please? hello?#but yes i will not look and this is tags instead of a post bc truly. i need to get over myself. i Wont but at least i can quarantine it
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i cant believe fontaine finally cleaned up its archon quest writing and learned to Actually Proper Balance its npc screentime with its playable character screentime. and yet. AND YET!!! THIS is the nation where i end up hyperfixating on the historical figures with no official designs.
#rambling#genshin#i am DANGEROUSLY close to speedrunning the “hyperfixated on a blorbo > loosely based in canon headcanons > 'thats just your oc'” pipeline#with the narzissenkreuz institute kids#im dying so much to see what happens next that im just making up shit in my mind functionally 😭#if they wont give me more quest for like another month then i will do it myself 💥💥#but actually they should take their time with the quests. my impatience is my own fault and should not be the basis for a rushed story#anyways. i cant believe they finally got solid playable character writing in the archon quests#and instead of hyperfixating on lyney who checks like. almost EVERY blorbo preference box of mine.#im obsessed with an oceanid world quest 😭 and some random journals#something something tragedy something something#i think i just really loved the intrigue and mystery of it all. slowly finding all the notebooks and piecing together#who did what and wtf went down#was SO satisfying. it was so cool to figure out#i was live reacting to the oceanid quest in a discord channel with some friends and you could literally SEE my thought process go from#“this quest boring as shit idc about oceanid roleplay” to “oh wait they're actually commenting on the nostalgia themes now” to#“HEY WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE THE NAMES CONNECT?!?!”#especially since when i started doing all that the wiki didn't have character pages for most of the narzissenkreus institute kids#beyond like one to two sentences#and so the moment i saw that rene's page was like an actual paragraph and mentioned the kvarnah quest i was like HOLY FUCK#anyways!!!! genshin's writing has been surprisingly good recently#but still. i cant believe they finally managed to get me attached to a random npc! a random HISTORICAL npc for that matter!!!!#inazuma and sumeru wishes they had that#i think another part of it is that fontaine has been good about giving its historical figures consistent personality and character voices#and also character drama! like there's a LOT to latch onto here especially since they're letting you see it firsthand instead of only notes#and since they've tied it back to the present in a couple of very obvious ways it makes the connections easier to latch onto#and also since there's less people to worry about#i still don't understand inazuma history tbh. there were too many damn people and they all blended together in my mind...#they all had like overlapping jobs too ueghhjk#“this guy was a master of [weapon] and died in the catacylsm” describes like at least 3 people who are only ever mentioned in artifact sets
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"i like you and i blame you for making me feel this way" he said
i still think about it
#isa and the y/n experience#isa go to sleep challenge#except i Can't because i am going through a story arc for real right now#his squish for me evolved into a crush i think#like. romantic interest and alladat jazz. the whole shebang#i feel like this has been a long time coming and whatever happened last sunday was just his tipping point#i didn't want to assume anything (God. me and this specific sentence. I think we've found the theme for the story /j) so i just#let things happen first because i needed to be Certain (this mfing word too. guys I've figured out the plot theme /j)#im ngl i had an anxious voice in my brain going 'don't fall in love with me' for the past several months#but now that i'm dissecting it... there's a lot going on with why i had that string of thought#i'm very hyperaware of the dynamics shifting over time (especoally rn when i'm not enrolled for this semester)#not to mention my thing for crushie which has added conflict on top of the dynamics shift#we haven't interacted very much but i still have affection for him... yet on the other hand squishie's squishing me so hard i'm a crush now#the dynamics have changed#and then there's squishie's backstory that i will never detail so long story short: he's been on the receiving end of toxic relationships#and i've managed to become a major turning point that made him realize that he can be happy again#i've got a lot on my mind can u tell HAHA#i'm thinkin' abt alladis on top of wanting to be more objectively productive with my time off college AAAAAAAA#this wattpad fanfic shoujo manga webtoon morning romcom disney aitcom is getting too real @_@#shoutout to my besties especially seraph who contributed to that label#my life has never been the same since the moment classmate bestie clocked me as a living wattpad fanfic back in january 24#augh#anyway. i'm gonna... try to brainrot abt something else HAHA#shoutout to hug anon#if u're still here: bestie a lot of things have happened since u were last here#they were one of the og crushie/isa supporters from tumblr HAHA
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