#SO many weight loss drugs are banned.

[minminambus]

I am SO SO SO silly over medications and pharmaceuticals. I go so silly.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

General Mills and cheaply bought "dietitians" co-opted the anti-diet movement

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in NEXT THURSDAY (Apr 11) in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroehttps://cockeyed.com/lessons/viagra/viagra.html, then PROVIDENCE, RI (Apr 12), and beyond!

Steve Bannon isn't wrong: for his brand of nihilistic politics to win, all he has to do is "flood the zone with shit," demoralizing people to the point where they no longer even try to learn the truth.

This is really just a more refined, more potent version of the tactical doubt sown by Big Tobacco about whether smoking caused cancer, a playbook later adopted by the fossil fuel industry to sell climate denial. You know Darrell Huff's 1954 classic How To Lie With Statistics? Huff was a Big Tobacco shill (his next book, which wasn't ever published, was How To Lie With Cancer Statistics). His mission wasn't to help you spot statistical malpractice – an actual thing that is an actual problem that you should actually learn to spot. It was to turn you into a nihilist who didn't believe anything could be known:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/04/how-to-truth/#harford

Corporations don't need you to believe that their products are beneficial or even non-harmful. They just need you to believe nothing. If you don't know what's true, then why not just do whatever feels good, man? #YOLO!

These bannonfloods of shit are a favored tactic of strongmen and dictators. Their grip on power doesn't depend on their citizens trusting them – it's enough that they trust no one:

http://jonathanstray.com/networked-propaganda-and-counter-propaganda

Bannonflooding is especially beloved of the food industry. Food is essential, monopolized, and incredibly complicated, and many of the most profitable strategies for growing, processing and preparing food are very bad for the people who eat that food. Rather than sacrificing profits, the food industry floods the zone with shit, making it impossible to know what's true, in hopes that we will just eat whatever they're serving:

https://journals.plos.org/plosbiology/article?id=10.1371/journal.pbio.2003460

Now, the "nothing can be known" gambit only works if it's really hard to get at the truth. So it helps that nutrition and diet are very complex subjects, but it helps even more that the nutrition and diet industry are a cesspool of quacks and junk science. This is a "scientific discipline" whose prestigious annual meetings are sponsored (and catered) by McDonald's:

https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2014/05/my-trip-mcdonalds-sponsored-nutritionist-convention/

It's a "science" whose most prominent pitchmen peddle quack nostrums and sue the critics who point out (correctly) that eating foods high in chlorophyll will not "oxygenate your blood" (hint, chlorophyll only makes oxygen in the presence of light, which is notably lacking in your colon):

https://www.badscience.net/2007/02/ms-gillian-mckeith-banned-from-calling-herself-a-doctor/

When the quack-heavy world of nutrition combines with the socially stigmatized world of weight-loss, you get a zone ripe for shitflooding. The majority of Americans are "overweight" (according to a definition that relies on the unscientific idea of BMI) and nearly half of Americans are "obese." These numbers have been climbing steadily since the 1970s, and every diet turns out to be basically bullshit:

https://headgum.com/factually-with-adam-conover/what-does-ozepmic-actually-do-with-dr-dhruv-khullar

Notwithstanding the new blockbuster post-Ozempic drugs, we're been through an unbroken 50-year run of more and more of us being fatter and fatter, even as fat stigma increased. Fat people are treated as weak-willed and fundamentally unhealthy, while the most prominent health-risks of being fat are roundly neglected: the mental health effects of being shamed, and the physical risks of having doctors ignore your health complaints, no matter how serious they sound, and blame them on your weight:

https://maintenancephase.buzzsprout.com/1411126/11968083-glorifying-obesity-and-other-myths-about-fat-people

Fat people and their allies have banded together to address these real, urgent harms. The "body acceptance" movement isn't merely about feeling good in your own skin: it's also about fighting discrimination, demanding medical care (beyond "lose some weight") and warning people away from getting on the diet treadmill, which can lead to dangerous eating disorders and permanent weight gain:

https://www.beacon.org/You-Just-Need-to-Lose-Weight-P1853.aspx

Fat stigma is real. The mental health risks of fat-shaming are real. Eating disorders are real. Discrimination against fat people is real. The fact that these things are real doesn't mean that the food industry can't flood the zone with shit, though. On the contrary: the urgency of these issues, combined with the poor regulation of dietitians, makes the "what should you eat" zone perfect for flooding with endless quantities of highly profitable shit.

Perhaps you've gotten some of this shit on you. Have you found yourself watching a video from a dietitian influencer like Cara Harbstreet, Colleen Christensen or Lauren Smith, promoting "health at any size" with hashtags like #DerailTheShame and #AntiDiet? These were paid campaigns sponsored by General Mills, Pepsi, and other multinational, multibillion-dollar corporations.

Writing for The Examination, Sasha Chavkin, Anjali Tsui, Caitlin Gilbert and Anahad O'Connor describe the way that some of the world's largest and most profitable corporations have hijacked a movement where fat people and their allies fight stigma and shame and used it to peddle the lie that their heavily processed, high-calorie food is good for you:

https://www.theexamination.org/articles/as-obesity-rises-big-food-and-dietitians-push-anti-diet-advice

It's a surreal tale. They describe a speech by Amy Cohn, General Mills’ senior manager for nutrition, to an audience at a dietitian's conference, where Cohn "denounced the media for 'pointing the finger at processed foods' and making consumers feel ashamed of their choices." This is some next-level nihilism: rather than railing against the harmful stigma against fat people, Cohn wants us to fight the stigma against Cocoa Puffs.

This message isn't confined to industry conferences. Dietitians with large Tiktok followings like Cara Harbstreet then carry the message out to the public. In Harbstreet's video promoting Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cocoa Puffs and Trix, she says, "I will always advocate for fearlessly nourishing meals, including cereal…Because everyone deserves to enjoy food without judgment, especially kids":

https://www.tiktok.com/@streetsmart.rd/video/7298403730989436206

Dietitians, nutritionists and the food industry have always had an uncomfortably close relationship, but the industry's shitflooding kicked into high gear when the FDA proposed rules limiting which foods the industry can promote as "healthy." General Mills, Kelloggs and Post have threatened a First Amendment suit against such a regulation, arguing that they have a free speech right to describe manifestly unhealthy food as "healthy."

The anti-diet movement – again, a legitimate movement aimed at fighting the dangerous junk science behind dieting – has been co-opted by the food industry, who are paying dietitian influencers to say things like "all foods have value" while brandishing packages of Twix and Reese's. In their Examination article, the authors profile people who struggled with their weight, then, after encountering the food industry's paid disinformation, believed that "healthy at any size" meant that it would be unhealthy to avoid highly processed, high calorie food. These people gained large amounts of weight, and found their lives constrained and their health severely compromised.

I've been overweight all my life. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting when I was 12. I come from a family of overweight people with the chronic illnesses often associated with being fat. This is a subject that's always on my mind. I even wrote a whole novel about the promise and peril of a weight-loss miracle:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781429969284/makers

I think the anti-diet movement, and its associated ideas like body acceptance and healthy at every size, are enormously positive developments and hugely important. It's because I value these ideas that I'm so disgusted with Big Food and its cynical decision to flood the zone with shit. It's also why I'm so furious with dietitians and nutritionists for failing to self-regulate and become a real profession, the kind that censures and denounces quacks and shills.

I have complicated feelings about Ozempic and its successors, but even if these prove to be effective and safe in the long term, and even if we rein in the rapacious pharma companies so that they no longer sell a $5 product for $1000, I would still want dietary science to clean up its act:

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2816824

I'm not a nihilist. I think we can use science to discover truths – about ourselves and our world. I want to know those truths, and I think they can be known. The only people who benefit from convincing you that the truth is unknowable are the people who want to lie to you.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/05/corrupt-for-cocoa-puffs/#flood-the-zone-with-shit

[lunarsilkscreen]

Mind-Altering Chemical

Alcohol, Marijuana, and Opium are ALL mind-altering chemicals. We call them recreational because of the way it alters your mind. Beer gives you a buzz or gets you drunk (depending on how much she goes fast you drink it. Marijuana gets you high or wasted, also depending on how many edibles you consume. Opium works similarly to Marijuana. We just don't like it because we're racist, and I'll be damned if China is gonna get rich off my dumb ass. (Support small business--Smoke local)

I don't smoke. Because it makes me want a pack of Reds or Djarum Cloves. BTW: Nicotine is also a mind-altering chemical as is coffee.

Nicotine and Caffeine don't count when we're talking about mind-altering chemicals, because they don't have the hard-hitting effects like beer and MJ do in those larger doses.

I know people that can sip a single beer over a day and call that a buzz. But we all know that doesn't count.

"How have you used Opium if you're both racist and don't smoke?" Well, I was prescribed Vicodin when my wisdom teeth were removed. AND IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW. Vicodin is an opioid.

I hated that BTW, I had that and motrin to take for the pain, and all I did was play Paper Mario off the Wii store, poorly, for an entire week. It was all I could do, I was too high for anything else.

But I did get to finish "Thousand Year door" so there's that.

If you're wondering: fentanyl is a locally (as in US) produced synthetic opioid prescribed to people who Vicodin, Percocet, or other don't work. (all opioids) and by don't work: I mean don't work for what they're prescribed for. Usually to old people, but profit margins started creating opportunities to put fentanyl into everything. (Something that could be corrected by making weaker drugs Legal, instead of using fentanyl for everything.)

I'm talking about this because there's a difference between *those things* and other drugs prescribed for mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety.

(F* Wellbutrin.)

Which can also be prescribed for other conditions such as nerve-ending damage, arthritis, and pain. (Which suggests that anxiety and depression can be caused by pain receptors, when you don't actually feel pain.)

You don't typically get high or drunk on prescription anxiety meds, but they allow for you to function, and to deal with your day to day when you're otherwise checked-out.

Hey, hey. This is important, because people do something called self-medication. This isn't like addiction, where you're chasing that high, or drunk state, or "just trying to forget".

Because people self-medicate with Tylenol, Motrin, Tums, and all sorts of things in your "over-the-counter" aisle. Which by the way, costs $100 If you stock up on all of them for the month. (So much for Medicare).

Before smoking indoors was banned, nearly everybody smoked. Not just because it was the cool thing to do, but because nicotine actually has several benefits: including, focus, anti-anxiety, and energy (as well as weight loss).

Same with coffee. It's why [coffee and cigarettes] were considered necessary items up until the 21st century.

I wouldn't be surprised if this wave of autism and ADHD has to do with the efforts of just detoxing from both cigarettes and coffee. Because until now, until it was admitted that it was an actual thing; that's just what you did in order to function.

That's what you did to appear and act normal. Because it worked.

This is gonna get into a chicken-egg thing where "well how do we know they didn't *cause* ADHD and autism". Because if that was true then motrin and water caused your broken leg.

I'm just gonna conclude here:

Look, old people are gonna die soon anyway, we should at least listen to them, when they take drugs either recreationally or because they're in pain from the ravages of old age.

They should be taken care of, so that we can get their input and feedback on what actually works for conditions, what doesn't, and that can pave the way for medicinal breakthroughs that can actually improve health going forward.

That's an investment for the future, and respect for the past.

[cleverthylacine]

People do things that we know they are going to regret all the time.

They are still allowed to, and sometimes we're wrong.

Sometimes people who get married while blind drunk in Vegas are happy together for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes people who have jumped through all the hoops we would like them to jump through and made carefully considered decisions end up miserable.

Also, I really enjoy watching Botched.

That's not schadenfreude, there--it's really interesting. And the point of bringing it up is that actually, we DO allow people to get surgery just because they're vain, or want to look like elves and Barbie dolls, even if there's a good chance that they will regret it.

What people are not so secretly arguing about here is whether or not we should all (as a Society) have to pay for other people's medical care if we don't approve of it.

My answer is always going to be yes, because: 1. many people disapprove of abortions and gender confirmation surgery because they're assholes, yet that they're actually critically necessary health care.

2. nobody should have to put whether or not they can have surgery up to a vote.

3. when medical treatment isn't covered by health care payors (and we should only really have one--society itself), people result to buying their drugs on the street and getting their body mods in other people's homes, and the people who sell the drugs and do the surgery aren't necessarily competent to do those things

4. insurers are actually really fucking mean about plastic surgery. If you have breast cancer, you should not have your breast reconstruction after surgery denied because "it's cosmetic". You can live without boobs, or with only one, but nobody should have to do that just because they're poor. Poor people who get in accidents should have the right to all the facial reconstruction surgery they need. People who get weight loss surgery (and I could rant about that for days--there are a few situations in which it might be warranted, but just 'being fat' is not one of them) should not have to be stuck with their loose skin as punishment for having been fat but poor.

So yeah, I'm comfortable with someone using my tax dollars to get "stupid" surgeries.

Also, I'm going to pick a bone here.

Transness is not a medical condition that requires treatment, but gender dysphoria is.

That is why bans on health care for trans youth are so absolutely crucial to their survival. Some kids will weather going through opposite sex puberty and having a harder time transitioning later okay, but many won't; for those with severe dysphoria, denying social transition as well as hormones is likely to cause deep depression, which leads to self-harm, risk-taking behaviour and sometimes suicide.

if trans people ought to receive whatever reconstructive medical procedures they desire, and indeed they ought, then this cannot be specifically because they are trans, nor even specifically because they are the gender that they are—first, because this would reify transness as a medical status that demands treatment, which is an unacceptable concession to the authority of pathologizing narratives; and second, because there is no tenable argument that can be given for helping a trans person receive the medical intervention(s) they may desire that would not spill across the boundaries of both whatever gender the intervention is "supposed" to be for (why shouldn't a cis man be given a breast augmentation if he wants one?) and what are considered "gendered" physical traits in the first place (why shouldn't a trans woman get to have a surgically produced tail if such technology exists one day INSHALLAH).

[charlotteswebbbbb]

What's the vibe? #45

Vestiaire Collective have banned fast fashion retailers such as Zara, H&M, Gap, Urban Outfitters and Uniqlo. Maybe brand protection?

Next year's Met Gala theme is "Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion" to coincide with the Met's annual exhibition. This year it's about "will explore notions of rebirth and renewal, using nature as a metaphor for the impermanence of fashion". So we're looking at this possible dichotomy between a sustainable garment which could be biocouture or really really sensitive garments which were only meant to be like seen during a fashion show as part of promotion and continuing the story.

Burberry Knight Bar in NY: "A part of Burberry Streets–a series of takeovers that celebrate the art of discovery and exploration in cities worldwide–Knight Bar is a temporary takeover of Temple Bar, based in NoHo. The bar is decorated in a new red check motif with a special menu curated by North London café Norman’s, which is renowned for its British dishes." - V Magazine

Vogue says the menu ranged from " fluffy scrambled eggs to crispy hash browns" so I'll just assume it was nothing too big but also probably "bar food". Here is the press release also for more deets and photos.

It was open from 10th - 16th November 2023.

Beauty:

@martinaderosa_mua

Food:

Dalla: new Italian restaurant in E9, focusing on "home-style cooking".

Owned by Gennaro Leone - who also founded Spazio Leone, a modern furniture store.

Reading List:

"Last month, Walmart chief executive John Furner said that customers on obesity drugs weren’t buying as many groceries, which led to a brief sell-off in consumer staple stocks such as Mondelez and PepsiCo. No wonder Coca-Cola’s chief financial officer John Murphy tried to get out ahead of the issue later last month, emphasising that more than two-thirds of his company’s portfolio was made up of low and no-calorie products."

RE: to food and related to Snaxshot. Inside of society there are two wolves.....

[webkey123]

Clenbuterol as a performance-enhancing drug in bodybuilding

Introduction:

Clenbuterol is one of the popular drugs that is used as a performance-enhancing drug. It is used by many bodybuilders and athletes. Earlier, it was developed to treat breathing-related disorders such as Asthma. But, when its capability of performance-enhancing unveiled, people started using it in bodybuilding. This article follows a brief overview of Clenbuterol as a performance-enhancing drug in bodybuilding.

What is Clenbuterol?

Clenbuterol is a drug which is also knwon as Clen. As stated earlier, it is used to treat respiratory disorders. It is a sympathomimetic amine. It means, Clenbuterol stimulates the sympathetic nervous system in the human body.

The drug works by relaxing the smooth muscles in the airways, making it easier to breathe. Clenbuterol is also known to increase the heart rate, which can help increase the metabolism and promote weight loss.

Clenbuterol as a Performance-Enhancing Drug:

People widely use clenbuterol 40mcg to boost their performance. It is known to increase the metabolism, which can help burn fat and build lean muscle mass. The main effect of Clenbuterol is, it boosts the energy and endurance, due to which users are able to workout for a longer period of time.

Clen is classified as a Schedule III drug in the USA, which means it is only available with a prescription. In addition, the drug is banned by most sports organizations, including the International Olympic Committee.

Benefits of Clenbuterol:

There are so many benefits of Clenbuterol, but the main reason why it is pop[ular among bodybuilders is its capability of burning fat and providing a leaner musculature. It is known to increase the metabolism, which can help burn fat and promote weight loss. In addition, it can help preserve lean muscle mass, which can be beneficial for bodybuilders who are trying to cut down and get shredded.

Clenbuterol is also known to increase energy levels and improve endurance. This can help bodybuilders train harder and for longer periods of time, which can lead to better results in the gym. The drug is also known to increase the body's oxygenation, which can improve cardiovascular performance and reduce fatigue.

Side Effects of Clenbuterol:

Clenbuterol may cause negative effects, just like other medication. Tremors, sleeplessness, an elevated heart rate, and headaches are some of the most typical adverse effects. The medication may also result in diarrhoea, vomiting, and nausea. Clenbuterol occasionally results in cardiac hypertrophy, an expansion of the heart muscle. Particularly in those who already have cardiac disease, this can result in heart failure.

The effects of Clenbuterol on the nerve system are yet another potential side effect. The medicine has the potential to make users anxious, restless, and nervous. It may even trigger panic episodes in rare circumstances. It's also critical to remember that Clenbuterol has an addictive potential and that frequent users may build up a tolerance to it.

Buying Steroids Online in the USA:

One of the biggest risks associated with buying steroids online in the USA is the possibility of purchasing counterfeit or contaminated drugs. Many online suppliers claim to sell genuine Clenbuterol, but in reality, they are selling fake or low-quality products. These products may not be effective, or they may even be dangerous.

In addition, buying steroids online in the USA is illegal. One should not use Clenbuterol without a prescription. As it might be harmful and life threatening to those who are allergic. Thus, it is advised before starting to take Clenbuterol, one should see a doctor to know about drug interactions, its benefits, and its disadvantages.

Conclusion:

Clenbuterol, as a performance-enhancing medication, has grown in favor of bodybuilders as an effective and potent drug.

While it has some potential benefits, including weight loss and improved endurance. Like every other steroid or drug it too has some serious side effects such as heart enlargement (cardiac hypertrophy) and addiction.

Moreover, buying steroid online USA is illegal, and the risk of purchasing counterfeit or contaminated drugs is high. Clenbuterol is not yet approved by FDA to be used in bodybuilding due to its possibly severe side effects. Its long-term use may casue severe side effects. Therefore, it is prohibited or illegal to use Clenbuterol without a doctor’s prescription. A user must take a doctor’s advise before starting to take Clen or any other steroid.

[alpileanremedi]

Alpine ICE Hack For Weight Loss Review

Alpilean Although lab experiments have so far showed promising results, a closer inspection by the Ohio State University revealed that the lab animals accumulated excessive amounts of fat in their liver - a common side effect of rapid weight loss. If it causes you more harm than good, then you're even farther from your goal than when you started. NatureWise Green Coffee Bean Extract 800 is proven to be effective and safe because the coffee beans are harvested from the best locations and manufactured using high technology equipment. One of the popular types is the CLA weight loss supplement.

Alpilean Hence, anyone can claim to be the best weight loss supplement even without valid proof. Our lazy lifestyles and unhealthy diets are the reason behind this increasing problem. TestoRipped is a very powerful weight loss supplement just for men. People who have heart complications can take a stimulant free weight loss supplement.

Any sudden Alpilean changes that your body experiences can result in imbalances in hormone levels which may lead to certain unpleasant changes in the body, which can be hazardous to your health. This stuff wouldn't be on the market if it didn't work. To determine these factors we need to look at the Resveratrol compound first and determine what it actually is.

Alpilean They may not be as bad as a stroke or heart attack, but you can experience the occasional stomach cramps or stomach aches, oily stool, abdominal discomforts, very frequent bowel movements, increased flatulence, and in some cases, dehydration. Obesity or extra body fat is a common problem and it can become the leading cause for various health problems like heart attack, high blood pressure and diabetes. Hence, before buying one, you have to research everything you can about that product. These quirks are the reason why finding a weight loss supplement that works for your specific condition can be difficult.

Alpilean The doctor is the best person to guide you in such cases. In order to keep yourself safe from getting ripped off always make sure the product you're buying has a no questions asked Alpilean Weight Loss money back guarantee this cannot be stressed enough. With so many weight loss supplements available in the market today, people turn to a weight loss supplement review to check on the product first before buying them. Taking two pills every day will guarantee a person that he/she will lose weight quickly and safely.

Alpilean This product does not have any side-effects because it is made from all-natural products. Each type of weight loss supplement works in different ways, addressing different problem areas for different people. However, supplements should be your last resort as this is definitely not a healthy way to lose weight as compared to other weight loss methods available.

Alpilean In actuality, you are reading are the ingredients in order of how the cereal is made. Here is some basic information on what is available on the market today. Prescription weight loss pills are regulated by the food and drug administration, and are to be used only in the case of obesity, not for cosmetic weight loss. As long as the caffeine included is not of a high concentration, maybe, just like a cup of coffee, then this should not have any bad side effects.

Alpilean FDA (Food and Drug Administration) approved Qysmia on July 17, 2012. A member who violates those rules are faced with consequences like being banned or suspended for a period of time. Many supplements are diuretics that cause water loss which will reduce weight but not address the real problem. Plant based diets

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

One Bad Day.... (Part Three)

Fandom: Batman, Batfam, Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Batmom

Word Count: 5709

TW: Some Language, Mentions of Death/Murder, Mentions of Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility, Betrayal, Mention of Suicidal Thoughts, Angst

Series Masterlist

As you limp over to the chair in your makeshift office on the upper level of one of the multiple warehouses you and Jason had commandeered, you tear off both parts of your mask and let them clatter to the floor. Dropping heavily into the chair, you slap an icepack on your aching knee. In the five months since Jason had broken you out of prison, you have gotten to the point you can walk and even fight on it, but you can tell it never healed exactly how it should have. And especially after being as active as you have been lately, it is not really a surprise it is causing you issues.

After taking the first few days out of prison to rest and recuperate, you and Jason had started your systematic take over of large sections of Gotham’s underworld. Jason had already established a dominating control over many of the street gangs in some of Gotham’s rougher neighborhoods, but under your guidance, the two of you were soon running the entirety of the Narrows. And, if everything continued on schedule, the last few remaining sections of Black Mask’s territories would soon fall to you as well.

While you were technically now mob bosses ruling over your territory, you and Jason took a much different approach to crime than other leaders in the past. Following the guidelines Jason had originally established, drugs were still legal to buy and sell but anyone caught selling to kids were immediately dealt with. Violence towards average, law-abiding citizens was harshly punished. And all weapons sales not directly approved by one of you were banned. You told Jason the fact Bruce never seemed to understand was that crime could not be stopped. But if it could be contained, controlled, then you had a chance of making a real difference.

Jason had been reluctant to allow you to help him in the field at first. But after a lengthy conversation reminding him that before you met Bruce you were a very successful up-and-coming criminal in your own right, he finally relented with the stipulation that you stayed behind until your knee healed enough that you could protect yourself. Which seemed fair to you, especially considering you were in a lot of pain. But also because it gave you time to prepare.

What you didn’t tell Jason was one day while he was away, you went to visit an old friend from back when you were still living on the streets. Bernie had been making outfits for street-level criminals for as long as anyone could remember. He understood that sometimes the only way to survive in this city was to bend the rules a little bit. So, while he refused to work for more deadly villains like Riddler or the Penguin, he provided cheap, quality products for those looking to make ends meet. He had designed your first suit, the one you wore when you met Bruce. And you had hoped he was still willing to work his magic for you now.

And did he ever! The new outfit was similar to the old design: Black combat boots that came up to your knees, dark well-fitting cargo pants, black fingerless gloves, and a thick belt to hold a multitude of weapons. But you had also had Bernie make a few cosmetic changes: your tight tank top, biker jacket, half-mask that covered your mouth, and domino mask that covered your eyes were all black, but they were accented by the exact shade of red as Jason’s helmet. Standing together you looked like a cohesive team. Part of you was a little worried he would be embarrassed to be in matching uniforms with his mom, but Jason’s eyes lit up when he saw you for the first time in it. He had been alone, isolated for so long, that he was glad to belong with someone else once again. After much discussion, you opted to keep your old name because it still held some weight around certain parts of the city. And thus, the team of Red Hood and Night Watch was born.

So far, everything had been running smoothly. Almost too smoothly. As proud of you were of your son and the good you were doing for the city, you knew it wouldn’t last. Sooner or later, he would track you down to deal with you. And it seemed as if that day had finally come.

As you remove the ice from your knee and try to stretch it, you hear a loud commotion from downstairs. Limping quickly out of the office, you peer down to the level below to see Jason in his full Red Hood attire grappling with a familiar black-suited figure in a cowl and your breath catches in your throat. You had been trying to prepare yourself for this day, but the sight of him still stops your heart for just a second.

And in your split-second moment of hesitation, Jason manages to pin the older man to the ground as he drives his knee into his chest and wraps both hands around his throat. You stare at the tension in Jason’s shoulders and arms, and you can tell that he is willing to not let up until it is over once and for all. But you can’t let that happen.

“Hood! Stop! Now!” You bark at your son as you calmly descend the stairs.

His helmet whips to face you without removing his hands and you can feel the rage and fury rolling off him even from this distance. You watch him switch his modulator to comms and his voice suddenly roars through the device in your ear. “You know what he did…. To both of us. What he will do to us if given the chance. Let me finish this once and for all.”

Stopping at the foot of the stairs as you mutter under your breath so only the comms picks up your voice, you say, “No, Jay. That’s not who we are. Yes, I am furious about what he did, but he does not deserve to die. And even if it comes to that one day, I will not let you carry that burden, okay? So, for now, you need to let him go.”

His helmet’s fixed gaze bores into you for another few seconds before he releases his grip on the man he had once called family. Without breaking the stare with you, he stalks over to stand by your side. You lay one hand on his heaving chest and the other against the side of the helmet. Whispering through the comms, you ask, “Are you okay, baby? Are you sure you want to stay for this?”

He nods, but you can still feel his heart racing beneath your hand. You give him a small smile of encouragement before your face turns stone cold and you turn to face your ex-husband. Holding your head high, you spit out, “Bruce.”

“Y/N.” He glares at the two of you as he gets to his feet. While rubbing his throat, he scoffs, “So, the Red Hood? This is who you’re with now? Some rebound.”

Jason snorts as he tries to contain his laughter, but at least the momentary shock of that insane idea seems to have calmed his rage some. Bruce’s comment also alleviates any fears you have about him knowing who is under the red hood, so you didn’t dare correct his assumption in case he got suspicious. Instead, you neither confirm nor deny the allegation as you dodge the question.

“Oh, no. You don’t get to say a single word to me about rebounds. How’s that bitch Selina doing these days?”

Bruce blanches slightly. “How did-how do you know about that?”

“She fucking told me, Bruce! Came to see me over a year ago to brag to me all about your little lovefest. Including the fact she knows your secret….. How could you do that? How… Her of all people! You knew what she was to me!”

“It’s not like that. I-I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just…”

“What? You couldn’t have me anymore, so you found the second-rate version of me? Because I might have taught Selina everything she knows, but that doesn’t mean I taught her everything I know. But I’m sure you figured that out by now,” you say with a smirk.

Bruce shakes his head. “She shouldn’t have said something to you. It only happened a few times and it didn’t mean anything.”

“Well, you both sure fooled everyone. I saw the papers. Guess those rich assholes accepted her on your arm at their galas and parties a lot quicker than they ever accepted me. And it would seem since you shared your secret, she got both sides of you. The Bat and the Cat…..I got to admit, it does have a nice ring to it.” He opens his mouth to try and come up with some excuse, but you stop him. “I don’t want to hear it. You can’t take back what you did, no matter the reason behind it. So, just drop it, Bruce.”

Looking around the room, you ask, “Now, where is he? I know you’ve probably ordered him to stay back, keep an eye out from above somewhere in case things take a turn. There’s no way you came here without him.” Out of the corner of your eye, you see a small movement high above you. You smile as you lower your voice so only Bruce and Jason can hear you as you smugly say, “But do you really think he would turn on me? Even if it came down to a fight, are you really so certain he would choose your side over mine?”

Bruce glares at you for a moment before he looks up to the rafters and jerks his head. A figure instantly drops to the ground and before you can even get a good look at him, he has crossed the distance between you and wraps you tightly in a warm hug.

Breathing a heavy sigh of relief, you return his embrace. Struggling to hold back the tears threatening to fall, you whisper, “Hey, Dickie. Oh god, I’ve missed you!”

“I missed you too,” your eldest son whispers into your hair. Then he pulls back and looks into your face. “Mom, why are you doing this? Just come home, we can work something out.”

You give him a sad smile as you cup his face. “We both know that can’t happen, Dick. And we know why. But, oh, I wish I could.”

Dick opens his mouth to say something else, but Bruce interrupts, “Nightwing!” He motions for him to rejoin him on the other side of the room.

You roll your eyes but whisper, “Go, it’s okay. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

As you watch Dick move to stand behind Bruce, it hits you that for the first time in over five years your entire family is in the same room together, even if two of them didn’t realize it. Tears spring to your eyes, but you somehow manage to hold them back.

Clearing your throat, you ask, “Now, are you really going to leave that fucking mask on the whole time? Or are you not man enough to face me as yourself?”

Bruce nods at Jason. “Is your guy going to take his off?”

“No.” you say bluntly. Then you sigh exasperatedly. “I’ve called you Bruce like six times already. You don’t think he figured it out even if he didn’t know already?”

He hesitates for a moment, then pulls the cowl off. You inhale sharply. He looks just like he did in your dreams. The same handsome, charming man who hadn’t seemed to age a day in your five-year separation. And it all came flooding back to you. Every moment of your relationship, both the good and the bad. The night you met, the last time you saw him in the courtroom, your first kiss, your last kiss before you left to kill the Joker, the Christmas Eve he first told you he loved you, the Christmas Eve he didn’t show up, bringing Dick home, Dick leaving, bringing Jason home, Bruce holding you as you sobbed over Jason’s body, and on and on and on.

As he lets the cowl fall to the floor, Bruce looks at you and asks, “So?”

“So what?”

He sighs, “What are you doing? This isn’t you. Mob boss ruling over half of Gotham? Running drugs and guns throughout the city? You fought to keep these kinds of things out of here, what happened?”

“You know what happened. You did, Bruce. This has always been me. You knew that when you first asked me out, when you married me, when you tossed me aside. This is me.” You hold out your hands as you gesture to the warehouse around you with all of its contents. “And yeah, I might not be doing things the way you like, but for the first time in a very long time, I’m doing what I think is right.”

“Just like you did that night, huh?”

“Just because you have lines you won’t cross, doesn’t mean everyone else has to agree with you. And, you know, I’ve got to ask…. why was it so different with me? Huh? Clark, Diana, Hal, Barry, they’ve all killed people over the years, yet you have no problem working with the Justice League. But when it’s your own wife, over your own son, there’s no leeway, no understanding. It’s just time to throw the book at her!”

“When they have taken lives, it was in the heat of battle, when there was no other option. What you did was just plain murder!”

“You’re damn right it was!” All the rage, all the fury that had been bubbling under the surface finally breaks loose as you roar, “He murdered our son first! Beat him, tortured him, blew him up. And that’s just what he did to Jason. What about the other thousands of people he hurt or killed over the years? The damage he has caused to our friends and family! That monster deserved everything that he got and more! And if I had to, I would kill him a thousand more times to keep my family safe. You might have been fine with it, but I couldn’t live in a world where our son was dead, and that monster still lived. But honestly, I never thought you would actually turn your back on me like you did.”

“What was I supposed to do? Please, tell me!” For the first time, Bruce’s voice cracks just a bit and you take a step back, stunned. “You walked out, still dripping with his blood, and announced to half the Gotham Police Department who you were and what you did. Your confession was captured on every body cam on every cop there as well as the security cameras across the street. Plus, he was beaten to a bloody pulp and his neck was broken! Your only injury was some bruised knuckles. There was no way to claim self-defense. I tried, I pulled every string I could, I spoke to Gordon, the DA, everyone! I offered to single-handedly fund the city for the next three years, but they told me there was nothing…. It was a miracle I was able to keep you at Arkham instead of having you sent to Blackgate.”

“Oh yeah, Bruce. Because being locked up with the psychotic villains is so much better than the sane ones.”

“You were supposed to be safe there. No one was supposed to touch you.”

“Well, how did that work out?”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yes, because you refused to see me! Served me with divorce papers on one of the worst days of my life and turned your back while they threw me into that hellhole!”

“I did all of that to try and keep the target off your back! I thought that maybe if you were no longer connected to me, they would take the hint and leave you alone.”

“But Alfred and Dick still came to see me. That connection was still there. So, if that was your reasoning then why- Oh my God!” Your eyes grow wide as you realize what he had tried to do. “You tried to keep Dick from coming to see me. You wanted him to cut off all contact just like you did. You son of a bitch! You were trying to keep my only living kid from seeing me!”

“It would have made things better in the long run. If he would have made it clear you didn’t have the support of the Wayne f-”

“Fuck you, Bruce! Do you have any idea what it was really like in there? How much I struggled every single day to just keep going? And the thought of seeing Dick or Alfred was the only thing that kept me going. If I would have lost them too… if I had truly been alone in there…. I wouldn’t have waited for them to come for me. I would have slit my wrists myself.”

All three men surrounding you visibly flinch at your confession. Jason takes a step closer to you, gently laying his hand on the small of your back. But you never take your eyes off of Bruce’s face.

He looks down at the ground, ashamed. “I’m sorry. I thought it was what was best for you. I thought a clean break…”

“Because you didn’t think to ask me what I would have wanted. But no, your word is law, and no one else’s opinion matters. And I did everything for you, Bruce! I changed everything about me, my whole life, to fit into your world. I did everything you ever asked of me, and after Jay…. the one time that I needed something, the one time I asked you for help, you turned your back on me! Once again, you refused to listen to what I wanted or what I thought.”

Bruce looks at you like you just started speaking a different language. “What are you talking about? When Jay died, I asked you over and over, I begged you to talk to me, but you wouldn’t. How was I supposed to know what you wanted or how you felt? You shut down again. Just like…. just like last time…”

When you speak, your words aren’t angry or hate-filled but instead full of pain and grief. “Don’t you dare try to compare this to that! It wasn’t the same at all!”

Bruce takes a few small steps towards you, face filled with sadness. Softly, he says, “Yes, it was. I tried to talk to you, to get you to say how you were feeling and you just pushed me away. You fell back into the same self-destructive patterns as before except this time, you lashed out instead of shutting down. I should have seen it, and I should have done something. There was no one to get revenge on the first time, no one to blame so with Jason, you made sure you got retribution. That you got blood for the life that was taken from you.”

“Stop it! Don’t do this.” You glance nervously over your shoulder at Jason as you growl, voice quivering, “Bruce, I swear, don’t you dare say another word.”

“You know it’s true,” he whispers. “You knew what I would say about your plan, so you didn’t even try to talk to me. I was hurting just as much as you were, and because of that, I didn’t see the warning signs. I’m sorry. I should have protected you better, just like I should have protected him better, protected them better.”

You screw up your face as you stare at the floor, willing yourself not to cry. Finally, you choke out, softer than before, “Bruce… Jason made a choice to go after his real mother. You told him not to, that it was too dangerous, and he chose not to listen. I never blamed you for what happened with Jay. Not once. And I know he wouldn’t blame you for that either. But what you did afterward? How you refused to do something about the Joker? How you handed me divorce papers as I was being led off to prison and then never once tried to see me afterward? That I blame you for. That is what I’ll never forgive you for.” You take a deep breath and then straighten your back, putting on your most stubborn face. “Now, I think you should go.”

Bruce stares at you for a long moment before nodding his head. He picks up his cowl and turns to leave, but he pauses with his back still to you as he says, “I did come to see you. Once. On your first Christmas Eve away from me. Even after everything that had happened, I couldn’t bear to be apart from you. Not on our night.”

Your blood runs cold as you stammer out in complete disbelief, “No…. Because I waited for you, and you never showed up…. I counted down every second of that night, begging you to come, but you didn’t.”

Bruce nods his head. “They had moved your cell earlier that day and I didn’t know. So, by the time I tracked down your new location, I was two minutes too late.” He finally turns to face you, and you can swear you can see a mistiness in his eyes. “I found you curled up on your cot, sobbing and clutching an old photograph. I knew you were hurting because of me, and I couldn’t bring myself to face you. I’m sorry.”

You feel like you were just punched in the stomach, but you manage to spit out, “You’re right…. you shattered what was left of my heart that night. And those were the last tears I will ever shed for you, Bruce Wayne. Now, get the hell out of my warehouse.”

Bruce turns once more and walks to the door. Dick starts to follow, but you stop him.

“Dick…,” Your son turns to face you. “Please, come see me anytime you want. But Nightwing is not welcome here. Okay?”

Dick nods. “Yeah, I get it.” He hesitates a second before running back over and scooping you into his arms. You return his embrace wholeheartedly as he whispers, “I love you, Mom.”

You whisper back, “I love you too, baby.”

And you would have remained there forever if Dick didn’t finally pull away. But before leaving, he shoots Jason a look and says, “I don’t know what you two are planning, but you keep her safe. Okay?”

Jason seems taken aback, but he nods and says through the modulator, “I’ll protect her with my life.”

Dick eyes him cautiously for a moment then nods. And with a final smile at you, he leaves. Bruce watches him go then shoots you one last glance and says, “I will stay out of your way as long as you don’t kill anyone. But the first body that shows up connected to either one of you, I will take you down.” And with a flourish of his cape, both men disappear into the night.

The second that he fades from view, you collapse to your knees. You land roughly on your injured knee and a burst of pain shoots up your leg. But you don’t mind it because at least the physical pain is helping to ground you as waves of emotional pain threaten to overwhelm you. Jason takes off his helmet, kneels down beside you, and wraps his arms around your neck. “I’m sorry, Ma. I know that had to be rough.”

“I know that couldn’t have been easy on you either. I’m so proud of how you handled it. I know you can’t always control your anger, but you did good.” You chuckle humorlessly, “Honestly, I thought I would be more controlled and level headed when we finally met again. But the second I laid eyes on him, my emotions got the better of me. I let him make an idiot of myself. But at least now, it’s over and he should leave us to do our business our way.”

Jason squeezes you tightly once more, then helps you to your feet. You start limping over to the stairs but notices Jason is still standing in the same spot. “Are you coming?”

“There’s one thing I don’t understand…. What was he talking about when he said my death was like last time? W-what last time?”

You turn away from him, unable to look him in the eye, “Jay, please…. don’t, just…. don’t. It doesn’t matter.”

“Ma, whatever it is, I’m here for you. It clearly bothered you when he mentioned it. So, what happened?” But you just shake your head. Jason walks around to face you and he gently rests his hands on your shoulders. “Hey… I won’t push it again if you really can’t talk about it. But I’m here for you and I just want to understand. Please.”

You hesitate for a second, then nod slowly. After all of these years, Jason deserves to know what happened. “From the moment I fell in love with Bruce, all I ever wanted was to have a family with him. To hold a little baby in my arms and see Bruce’s eyes staring back at me coupled with my nose, or my smile. That unique blend of the two of us. We had talked about it, and while we knew it was dangerous with what we did, we both wanted it so badly that we agreed to start trying. However, that’s right around the time Dick came into our lives, and it was decided that we hold off, at least until he got settled. But then he became Robin, and the villains began to get more dangerous, and the job got more demanding, and on and on.

“And I was okay with it because I had my son. But Dick was already twelve when we took him in and he was so independent and strong, he didn’t really need me to be a ‘mother’ in the way I had pictured. Which was fine, we still formed such an amazing bond. However, I still wanted to have all those baby moments I never got with Dick. First steps, first words, watching them grow. So, as Dick got older, Bruce and I started talking about trying again.

“But then there was the big fallout between Bruce and Dick, and Dick left. Bruce wasn’t the same after that. Batman needs a Robin to help keep him grounded, remind him who he is and what he is fighting for. And without someone there…. It was not a good time for either of us.” You take a huge, shaky breath. “But then a few weeks after Dick left, I found out I was two months pregnant.”

Jason’s face is shocked as he takes in the news, but a moment later you watch as the realization of your words hits him. How there had to be a reason he had never heard about this before. You nod slightly. “Yeah, it’s not exactly a happy ending. But at the time, it was the happiest we had ever been. The news seemed to have healed something within Bruce. He was more like his old self, and I was finally getting what I had always wanted most. Everything was perfect! Bruce wanted to know the gender, but I told him I wanted to be surprised. That it didn’t matter because it was part him and part me, and that was all I needed to know. But we decided on naming it after his parents either way, so Thomas for a boy or Martha for a girl.” You stare off into the distance, remembering the look of pure bliss on Bruce’s face when you had proposed the idea.

Jason softly clears his throat, snapping you back to the present. “So, then what happened?”

“It was an accident. As hard as I tried to find someone to blame, it was just an accident. Bruce brought me to another one of those stupid galas that I hated so much. I was five months pregnant and already looked like a whale, so I begged him to let us stay home. But it was Wayne Industries’ annual charity fundraiser, so deep down I knew we had to go.

“However, no one realized that part of the gas lines near the hotel had been damaged in a major storm the night before. Just an act of God that no one could have known about. And I remember climbing out of the car and reaching for Bruce’s hand. Then there was an explosion and a piece of shrapnel pinned me to the car.” You lift up the hem of your shirt while also pulling down the waistline of your pants to reveal the large scar to the right of your left hip. Jason’s face instantly pales as you continue. “The last thing I remember was pain and Bruce’s face hovering over me in horror, then….”

“I woke up in the hospital a few hours later feeling a deep emptiness like I had never experienced before. And I knew.” The tears you have been holding back finally begin slowly rolling down your cheeks.

Jason shakes his head. “Ma, I’m so sorry…. But how did I never hear about any of this?”

“Bruce buried the story. Not the explosion of course, but anything about me or the baby. He paid off every media outlet in the city to never mention it again. He didn’t want them constantly hounding me about it, bringing it up every time I left the manor. So, after a while, people seemed to forget I was ever pregnant. But I didn’t. I haven’t forgotten for a single day.

“And Bruce was right in what he said today. I did shut down. I wouldn’t get out of bed for weeks. I wouldn’t eat, I would barely talk to him or Alfred. Dick even came back for a while, but it killed him to see me like that. So, when it became clear that his being there wasn’t helping, he left again. I had given up completely. Until Bruce called me one night from patrol and told me he was bringing home another kid who needed our help.” You reach out your hand to take Jason’s, but he pulls away.

His face tightens as he avoids your gaze. “Oh, so I get it. I was just a replacement not only for Dick, but also the kid you had just lost.”

You flinch slightly at his words but then walk over and take his face in your hands. Turning it so he has to meet your gaze, you say, “Jason Peter Todd. You were never a replacement. For anybody. You were my savior. I felt like I had nothing left to live for, but the moment I saw you climb out of the batmobile with that defiant little glare, you won my heart instantly. Not because I saw you as another kid to take the place of the ones I had lost, but because I could tell right away what an amazing kid you were. You were so intelligent, and so brave, and you had such spirit! But I could also see the hurt and the struggle you had experienced, and I knew what that felt like. Being that young, growing up on the streets alone, and already knowing what it was like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. So, when I saw you, I saw me. And I saw a chance to give you the life I never got. Reading you The Princess Bride, showing you around the manor, I did more that first night than I had the entire previous month combined. You gave me a reason to fight again. You saved me from myself. Just like you saved me from that prison cell. You, Jason, are more than my son. You are my hero.

“And when I lost you too….. Bruce was right. I was so angry that my family had been ripped from me yet again, that I lashed out. I might not have been able to do anything when I lost my baby, but I knew I was able to avenge my son. So, I went after the Joker not to protect others, but for revenge. And there were ways I could have done it…. Ways I think Bruce could have forgiven. But not what I did. I was stupid and reckless. But it felt so good.”

“Ma, I am so sorry….. Did you ever think of trying again? After…”

You shake your head sadly. “Where the shrapnel hit….. I can’t have kids anymore. And now, even if I could, Bruce….” Your face crumples as all the emotions you have been holding back all day finally break through the wall you had built up inside. You wrap your arms around yourself as you begin sobbing uncontrollably.

Almost immediately, Jason is by your side. He wraps you tightly against his chest and you bury your face into his shoulder.

After a minute, he whispers, “You still love him, don’t you?”

Another sob tears from your lips. “I don’t want to. I want to hate him with every fiber of my being, but I can’t. I thought I was over him but as soon as I saw him today…. Even as he was telling me he slept with someone else, all I could think of was how much I was aching to be in his arms again. He abandoned me when I needed him most and I still want him back so badly. I hate that I still love him.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jason says quietly as his own tears begin slipping down his face. “Believe me, I know.”

And the two of you just stay there, wrapped in each other’s arms as you cry for the lives you had lost and the people that you still loved.

@haleviyah made me this amazing art to show what Batmom’s Night Watch suit looks like! The character is still 100% a reader insert and the physical characteristics were just how I picture her. However, I try to keep my descriptions in the fics as ambiguous as possible to be as inclusive as I can. Thank you!

(please do not reuse or repost without permission)

[ladyalienist]

Radical Fatphobia

I just gotta love how in all the "hot topics" radfems got (surrogacy, sex industry, TRA/queer nonsense, abortion ban, you name it, we got it) the discourse about beauty standards seem to revolve around shaving and make-up.

Don't get me wrong, those are important issues, both for us and the enviroinment. But... aren't we kinda sleeping on the other big thing about beauty standards for women? Which is... being thin?

I mean. Many of you will speak about eating disorders and starving one's self in order to reach the unattainable body standard we have or about how body standards change every decade or so causing women to never feel good in their bodies, but I'm afraid that so many of you are totally... not understanding just how much "being thin=being morally good" is ingrained in your brain.

Like, when I started peeking into feminist (liberal ones) circles back into 2014-2015 sometimes I would stumble upon the occasional fat-positive thing. "It's ok to have a belly!", "Fat and fabulous!", and I'm pretty sure liberals are still sometimes giving these little pills of comfort to us fatties. In radical feminism... this topic seems to just not exist. Not being discussed. Nada de nada, just the occasional "oh so many young girls are starving themselves to look like literal skeletons :(", and that's true but what about those girls who do not look like skeletons?

I'll be brutally blunt: I think that many of you do not give a fuck.

I've seen positivity posts being derailed into talking about visceral fat and lectures about how we're gonna die soon. I've seen every possible critique to HAES approach, from very grounded to very stupid.

Trust me: FAT WOMEN KNOW THIS. We know we're gonna die soon, we know visceral fat is killing us, we know every fucking stat in the box, because THE WHOLE WORLD IS EAGER TO TELL US, the whole world wants us to be miserable every time, and guess what? That's mostly because of capitalism. The very same capitalism radfem ideology tries to fight, you know.

The science behind weight and nutrition is not as black and white as so many of you want to believe it is. Dieting is a multi-billion dollars industry that relies on its own inefficiency - this means: DIETS. DO NOT. WORK. In 95% of cases. The only thing that gives a hope for consistent weight loss is surgery, with all the associated risks, and even then... it's not GRANTED. We do not know how to make fat people thin, and it is NOT OUR FAULT. We do not know how to properly "cure" obesity - hell we struggle even to define it, because BMI is a shitty way to do so.

"Fat people should keep in mind that they will die young" yeah and you know what makes our lives even shorter? The constant, unavoidable knowledge that being fat means people will be disgusted by us. The guilt we feel for enjoying a fucking plate of pasta. The stress of being targeted and harassed since age five, of being put on diets soon after, of being the bottom of every joke, of having fewer chances not only at a fullfilling love life (I could write another long rant about what relationships are like as a fat woman) but also at a satisfying career in every field and good social circles, of having things (clothes, cars, public transport) not designed for us. Stress fucking destroys every system in human body but somehow it's just visceral fat's fault, and thus fat people do not deserve any positivity in their life, they do not deserve to think "my body can be ok the way it is even if I have a tummy", no, they must feel miserable all the fucking time even in self-called radical feminist spaces. No fucking fat person, let alone woman, wants to be fat: if we had a safe, functioning way to become thin we would do it. But God forbid we ever, ever stop hating our bodies, no matter how much in every other instance it's clear that it leads us nowhere.

Honestly fuck you and your faux concern for health. I never see you this eager to tell smokers that they will die young, I never see you talking about how legal drugs can and will cause health problems, or about the toxicity of sugary food in general. It's always about visceral fat.

If you are not fat yourself I don't care how much you seriously think you're in the right for saying that fat is a risk for health under any little fat positivity post, fuck you. The person behind the post most likely perfectly knows and you've just made their day a little more miserable with no reason other than... you still thinking you're morally superior.

And just so you know, even if your BMI is 18 and you only eat salads and spend all of your spare time at the gym... you will, eventually, die. Just like us fatties.

[magicalshitposts]

Now that it's canon and I've talked it through with @redshift-corridor I think I'm gonna share my Robbie's eating problem headcanon.

Big big big TW for eating disorders (in detail), throwing up, passing out, being unhealthily thin and having near death experience

Smaller TW for drug and alcohol use

All of this will be under the cut!

Robbie Canonically having a problem with food kinda got me back into the HC that I made a good while ago. Because it was such a small HC that I was thought was very unlikely in the long term, I didn't put much thought into it. 

I have now put some thought into it

After doing research into Eating Disorders, there is one by the name of ARFID, which stands for ‘Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder’. It’s pretty much an umbrella term for a lot of unspecified EDs so has a lot of signs (not all of them will apply to the person). The traits I took note of were 

Missing meals completely, especially when busy with something else.

Finding it difficult to recognise when hungry.

Feeling full after only a few mouthfuls and struggling to eat more.

Taking a long time over mealtimes/finding eating a ‘chore’.

Weight loss 

This was definitely what I associated with Robbie.

This is a headcanon for a different post but It’s vital to know mental health is not taken seriously in my version Hyrule, It’s not taken at all. There are no therapists, no doctors, nothing. 

It starts in his early childhood. He was never much on an eater as a kid, only getting through a bit of breakfast and lunch before saying he wasn't hungry for dinner. That was more or less fine though. He had a few snacks throughout the day and was a small boy anyway, his parents never really caught on. 

It was moving out that became a problem. Now he didn’t have his parents to remind him to eat, he didn’t. He would have a meal here and there but it was a smaller amount than a grown man needed. His body adjusted to it, his stomach shrinking in size to regulate the lack of food. Then he meets Purah and it all goes down hill. There is a thing, that while isn’t a symptom of ARFID, I do associate with Robbie. He doesn’t like to eat around others. It takes him a long time to be able to feel comfortable enough to do that. Him and Purah move in together straight away, and he does end up getting comfortable, but straight after they are thrown into a war, which is where the big problem starts.

Onto the bulk of it.

No one at work really notices that this is an issue because no one knows him all to well, they all just assume he doesn’t have Lunch. Purah obviously knows and she already concerned. Not a huge amount but enough to give him gentle reminders to eat, his answer to that is ‘thanks doll, but I ain’t too hungry’.

Another HC that is kind of important is my Robbie both drinks alcohol and smokes herb religiously. If he’s not working he’s drunk or high or still working. He has a very high alcohol tolerance, so it takes him a lot to get drunk, but because he’s drinking on an empty stomach, the alcohol comes back up after every couple of drinks. And with smoking, Herb (here's some info on herb) makes you really hungry which is great! He’s eating! Then Purah realises its the only time he’s eating, which is a bit of an issue.

This is when he starts to pass out and throw up. He passes out from hunger every couple of days but recovers from in really quick. He’s back up in an hour. It becomes so frequent however that employees (that aren’t Purah) just move him to the closest wall and carry on working. He throws up literally every time he eats when he’s sober because his body is reacting badly to the sudden intake of food.

Purah then bans him from fieldwork due to sickness. If he faints on the field, whatever he’s doing isn’t going to stop for him, and she is not letting her best friend die, especially on her hands. So he was tied to his desk. That means he’s getting very little exercise as field work was his only form of it. And due to field work he was a very built person. When that stopped, he lost muscle mass and Purah saw how bad he looked. He was gaunt in the face, his arms and legs looked like they could snap at any moment. He looked old and skinny and it was a ungodly sight. 

Then the big thing happened. The final battle was taking place as they spoke which meant they had been slumped under with work. They had no time off, which meant no recreational drugs like herb, which meant no eating. Robbie hadn’t eaten for about 2 weeks. Purah thought he was doing well, every time she asked him, ‘did you eat?’, he’d lie and say yes just to get her off his back. And he had been so high of off adrenaline from work, he hadn’t passed out. From an outsider’s perspective, he was improving. Then he passed out again. Then he didn’t wake up after the hour. Many workers believed he was in a Coma, as he was clearly still alive but unresponsive. After 2 days he finally woke up, and Purah had had enough. She was ready to snap, he had lied to her face multiple times and could’ve nearly died. 

She finally makes him visit Mipha (who becomes a doctor after the calamity) , who sends him to Gerudo town who harbours the only family of mental health professionals in Hyrule (who are very underground as they aren't trained). They keep him with them for a few days to start him off. He gets a food diary and is told to try and maintain a diet of two small snacks a day. Just to get his stomach used to food again. From that they plan to build up his diet. He never gets to 3 meals a day. The most he has is a morning snack (which is clearly breakfast but he refuses to call it that) and an evening meal. It takes him about 40 minutes to eat his morning snack (two slices of toast) and an hour and a half to two to eat his evening meal.

He never gets back to where he was. To as strong as he used to be. After his body gets used to food, he takes training back up. He begins to train with Impa but she's pushy and demanding and he's stubborn and weak so they butt heads a lot. Instead Impa changes places with Link, who is kind, patient and motivating. Robbie slowly starts to build up his strength (and in turn back up his battle skills). His body is still thin but he's getting better, and the steps count, no matter how big they are

I know that was incredibly dark but a lot of the best headcanons are in my opinion. I made sure to do my research on the topic but if I got anything wrong please correct me!

[chucklesandwitch]

Philza and His Favorites

summary: it was always clear phil had favorites. it wasn’t like he kept it a secret, either.

word count: 2.9k

a/n: sorry if the format is weird. the timeline may be a little mixed up, and i know i skipped some plotlines, but i wrote this from memory so i did my best. also, this is my first piece of writing that im posting! :D you can read it on ao3 here!

     It was always clear Phil had favorites. It wasn’t like he kept it a secret, either. Even before Tommy, Phil always favored one twin over the other. And when he found his third son, shoveling dirt into his mouth by the handfuls in his back yard, well, it’s obvious he wouldn't exactly be on top of the list. 

     Growing up, it became more and more blatant to Wilbur and Tommy that they would never be above Techno. Phil always took his side during arguments, always thought that Techno could do no wrong. Wilbur was fed up. Years and years of being pushed to the side in favor of his twin almost had him at his breaking point. And when Phil broke the news that he and Techno were leaving to start their own Arctic empire, without his two other children, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Wilbur was screaming, begging, pleading for his dad to just pay a little bit of attention to him, and when he realized he would never get it from him, he packed his things, packed Tommy’s things, and together the two forgotten brothers ran as far away from their neglectful father as possible.

     They had been walking for days, taking refuge in small villages here and there, just waiting for their saving grace. Eventually, they found it. The Dream SMP. It was glorious. The ruler of the lands, Dream, had welcomed them with open arms and gave them a place to stay for as long as they wanted to. There, they met a plethora of people, including Fundy, Niki, Eret, George, and many other residents of the SMP. Not too long after they had gotten situated, Tommy met Tubbo. They had instantly clicked, and as an act of friendship, they found two discs that would always symbolize their friendship. 

     But the SMP wasn’t as perfect as it had once seemed. So, the two brothers alongside Tubbo, Fundy, Niki, and Eret had formed a new nation, L’Manburg. It was great! They ran a drug lab to keep the economy going, and even made some business partners. The boys had hardly forgotten about their dad, constantly wondering why they weren’t as important to him as Techno was. They pushed these thoughts to the back of their heads, gaining L’Manburg independence at the forefront of their minds. 

     In preparation for their first war of many to come, Tommy and Wilbur had become almost inseparable. They had built a nation with their own hands, together. And when Tommy offered up one of his lives in return for L’Manburg’s freedom, Wilbur’s heart almost broke on the spot.

     After winning L’Manburg its freedom, (If you could even call it winning), Wilbur felt as if it was unfair that he had just proclaimed himself president. In honor of true democracy, they decided to hold an election. Their party was the only one running, until one day someone from far away named Quackity, accompanied by George, wanted to put democracy to the test and created their own running party to rival Tommy and Wilbur’s, called SWAG2020. Suddenly, everyone seemed to have a burst of confidence after seeing Quackity challenge POG2020. All of the sudden, one running party had turned into four. POG2020, consisting of Tommy and Wilbur, SWAG2020, which included Quackity and George, COCONUT2020, comprised of Niki and Fundy, who had mainly run as a joke. And the last party, SCHLATT2020, a one-man party including someone that had been previously banned from the SMP. 

     So the election went on, and Wilbur never got too worried. He knew his people loved him, and he was confident that he would get their votes. Last minute, in an attempt to skew the votes, SWAG2020 and SCHLATT2020 elected to combine votes. And it worked. Leading SCHLATT2020 to victory with 46% of the vote. Immediately taking the stage, Schlatt was quick to revoke the citizenship of the brothers who had built the country he now ruled.

      The two of them were practically chased out of their L’Manburg, soon to be renamed Manburg. They found themselves in a ravine, both of them panicking and on the verge of tears. Tommy quickly sobered himself up, and declared that they would get their L’Manburg back, they just needed a little bit of help. So while the newly formed country was built in the bottom of a ravine, Tommy proposed the dreaded idea of calling his older brother. Wilbur was hesitant at first, but eventually was the one to give him the call as he knew it was for the best. When Technoblade showed up at the best possible time, they were elated! However, there was just a smidge of hope in the both of them that their father would accompany his favorite son. 

      Day after day, Wilbur was slowly going insane. Every day he wasn’t ruler of L’Manburg, he lost a bit of himself. He eventually had become so far gone, he believed that if he couldn’t have L’Manburg, then nobody could. He proposed his plan of blowing the place to smithereens to Tommy, who was immediately against it. Tommy just wanted his country back. He didn’t want it gone for good. Wilbur was persistent with this plan though, and recruited Dream to supply him with all the TNT he could ever ask for. He was just waiting for the opportunity to arise. And luckily for him, it came in the form of a festival. 

     The days leading up to the festival were some of Wilbur’s worst. He wasn’t himself, and everyone around him knew it. That didn’t stop them from helping him plant the TNT. The day of the festival, Tommy, Wilbur, and Tubbo had a hushed conversation on top of a building not far from the podium. Wilbur was having second thoughts about his plan, so he placed all of the weight on Tubbo. He told him to just say the word and he would detonate the explosives that would destroy the country he once ruled. And when Tubbo did say the line, Wilbur sprinted towards the button room, only to forget where it was. While Wilbur was away, Schlatt had put Tubbo in a cement box, accusing him of treason. With this, he called Technoblade up to the stage, ordering him to execute Tubbo. As he pulled the trigger on his rocket launcher, Techno looked back to his little brother, to see him on top of a building with a devastated look on his face. Techno didn’t seem to feel too guilty. He started slaughtering everyone around him. In the midst of Techno’s massacre, Tommy ran towards Wilbur, and before he could even get a word out, Wilbur was quick to tell him the TNT had been moved. 

     After the festival, a new war was declared. The Manburg v. Pogtopia war. They had finally won, they had gotten their L’Manburg back. As Wilbur stepped up to the mic, he suddenly turned on his heel and beckoned his younger brother and right-hand man to the stage. He handed L’Manburg to Tommy, and exited the stage. Tommy denied rulership of L’Manburg, stating he still had unfinished business to take care of and couldn’t rule L’manburg the way it should’ve been run, and so he handed the presidency to his best friend and partner in crime, Tubbo. While the presidency hot potato was going on, Wilbur was having an internal battle in the button room. He was reading the lyrics to My L’Manburg when he felt a presence behind him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over to see his father. His dad. He looked at him with tear-filled eyes, and detonated the TNT. He could feel the blast, feel the heat coming from behind him, washing over him in waves. 

     He looked over to see his dad’s shocked expression, and turned to face the chaos he had brought upon his L’Manburg. Seeing his younger brother’s expression is what finally did it. He took a step closer to Phil. He had seen the glimmering sword on his father’s back, and he knew what needed to happen.

      “Kill me, Dad. Please.”

      Phil couldn’t even look him in the eyes, he knew he had failed his son, and he knew that there was nothing ke could do about it now. So he unsheathed his sword, trying to ignore the feeling of taking away his son’s last life. Standing there, holding his son’s corpse, getting quickly covered in dirt and debris, he knew he had failed as a father. He dropped his son’s limp body to the ground and fled the scene, going back to the place he never should’ve escaped to in the first place. A little while later, his favorite son came home covered in blood, his clothes torn and crown slightly crooked on his head. Techno looked up at his father, only to see him also covered in blood. He quickly glanced over him and determined that it wasn’t his own blood. Before he could even utter the question, his dad shattered his world with one sentence. 

     “It’s Wil’s blood, Techno. He’s gone.”

      Techno swears he blacked out. His twin, his other half, was gone. The one person he should’ve been there for, he wasn’t. And now he was paying the price. Back at what was once L’Manburg, Tommy was lashing out. He didn’t know what to do without his older brother, didn’t know how to cope with the loss. So at first he went to Tubbo, only to realize Tubbo was too busy for him, he had presidential duties to attend to. With a heavy heart, Tommy leaves Tubbo’s office only to bump into someone new in town. Ranboo. Ranboo takes one glance at Tommy and knows he needs someone to talk to. However, Tommy doesn’t want to talk, he wants to wreak havoc on something, anything. He asks Ranboo for some help griefing George’s new vacation home, and Ranboo agrees almost instantly. Together they head to George’s newest property, wrecking the place, and starting a small fire that was completely accidental. It quickly gets out of hand, and before they know it George’s cottage has erupted into flames and suddenly they’re running. They arrive back to the partially rebuilt L’Manburg, and agree to ignore that it had ever happened, both of them happy to at least gained a new friend amidst all the chaos. 

       Meanwhile, Dream stumbles across George’s cottage in flames and immediately starts fuming. He knows exactly who did this, and he knows what he wants to happen to him. He storms into L’Manburg, and starts to silently place obsidian walls around the entire country. Tubbo and his cabinet rush out of the white house as soon as they notice what’s going on. Tubbo questions Dream, only to get a half coherent answer. All he managed to gather was that Tommy fucked up, and he needed to be put on trial for his actions. Once Tubbo finally got a cohesive answer from Dream, he was furious. He asked Tommy to do one thing for him, just one, and he couldn’t even do that. So he and Dream march to find Tommy, all while Fundy and Quackity try to talk Dream out of insisting exile. Tubbo is conflicted. He obviously doesn’t want to exile his best friend, but at the same time, what kind of leader would he be if he let criminals run free and let Dream build the walls?  During Tommy’s trial, Tubbo made the last minute decision to exile Tommy from the nation he once built. Dream forcefully escorted Tommy out of L’Manburg, but not before Tommy could spot the phantom of his favorite brother standing right in front of him. 

     Ghostbur insisted on coming on this “vacation” with Tommy, helping him establish Logsteadshire. Ghostbur didn’t stay long, and he only came to visit every so often. The only person to ever really visit Tommy, was Dream. The green man checked in on Tommy every day, making him put all of his belongings in a pit and blowing them up. The manipulation from Dream mixed with the lack of seeing his friends lead Tommy to the top of this pillar. While he peered down to what could be his doom, he had a sudden realization; Dream wasn’t his friend. He never was. Realizing this had put a pep back into his step, and he took off running, sprinting away from Logsted and never looking back. 

     He eventually came across what he could only assume was his oldest living brother’s home; the place he was abandoned by his father for: the Arctic empire. This was the last place he ever wanted to step foot into, but considering it was dark outside and he had been running for hours, he was just happy to get shelter, no matter where it was. He entered the home, and was immediately hit with the smell of his family. The nostalgia came crashing over him like a bunch of bricks. Taking another look around, he realized he was angry. What was so good about this place anyways? What did this place have that his childhood home didn’t? Was it him, was he what this place didn’t have? Shaking the thoughts from his head, he began rummaging through his brother’s chests. Finding lots of useful materials, and a few just for him, he began looking for a place to burrow for the time being. Settling on the underneath of the house, he got to work making his little hidey-hole. 

     He knew he couldn’t stay hidden forever. He just thought he would have more time than this. As Techno dragged him up the stairs by his ear, he profusely apologized. This was Techno’s first sign. Tommy never apologized. Forcefully sitting him down, he glared at his younger brother. 

     “Gapples. Now.” Techno demanded. 

      He expected a fight. He expected anything but this. As Tommy quickly emptied everything in his pockets all while still muttering apologies, Techno took a good hard look at his little brother. His clothes were torn, his eyebags were darker than Techno had ever seen them, and he looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. Techno decided then and there that he would help Tommy, so long as Tommy helped him.

      And so the brother’s teamed up. They mutually agreed to help each other get what they wanted. Techno agreed to help Tommy get his discs back as long as Tommy helped him commit (minor) terrorism in his old home. They made a plan, and they had it all worked out. Until Tommy came to his senses, and realized just what he agreed to. He backed out of the plans, apologizing to his older brother, moving to stand next to Tubbo. Techno nodded solemnly, and formed an alliance with Dream, Tommy’s number one tormentor, right in front of him. Making a quick getaway, Techno and Dream run back to the empire, planning their reign of terror over L’Manburg while Tommy takes on the leadership role and motivates everyone to fight against them tomorrow.

     Doomsday roles around, and Techno’s here earlier than promised. Phil is here too, Tommy realizes. That hurt him more than he’d like to admit. (He likes to tell himself he isn’t too affected by Phil, but even he knows that’s a lie). He looks above him to see a large obsidian grid, for which he isn’t sure what its purpose is.  Surrounding him is his older brother, spawning wither after wither, laughing maniacally as his hound army relentlessly attacks anyone nearby. Next to Techno is his dad. His father, helping his favorite son destroy what he and Wilbur had worked so hard for. He felt like crying. He didn’t think seeing Phil here, helping Techno decimate L’Manburg could hurt any more than being abandoned did. He was wrong. So, very wrong. Knowing that his dad was here, and actively fighting against him gave him the answers he had always known. He was never Phil’s favorite, he never would be. 

     He’s only snapped out of his haze by the sound of agony-filled screams. He looks around this nation, just to see TNT raining from the obsidian grid. Oh. That’s what that's for. He seems surprisingly calm about this.  His main priority is making sure Tubbo is safe, and once he’s assured that he is, he started going after Techno. When he finally catches up to him, he can only seem to think of one thing. Techno isn’t his brother anymore. 

     “Technoblade, for once in your life just listen to me!” Tommy pleads, but it does no good. Techno just laughs in his face, going on and on about how his intentions were clear, how he was against government, and how he knew this was coming. Tommy realizes then that Techno was never in it to help Tommy, he was never on their side. He was only helping them for his own personal gain. 

     “You’re selfish.” Is the only sentence Tommy can form. He can’t even stand to look at the person he used to call family. He runs to find Tubbo, meeting him on top of the obsidian grid. They share a look that says more than words ever could. Tommy starts,

     “We’ve gotta end it, Tubbo. You and me. Just like it’s always been. We have to kill Dream.” He and Tubbo agree. It started with them, and it’s going to end with them.

     Standing there, peering down at the crater that was once his saving grace, Tommy sees Phil and Techno, bouncing around, seemingly guilt free. Locking eyes with his unremorseful father, Tommy decides then that Phil isn’t his dad. He never was. Techno wasn’t his brother, and Phil was never his dad. 

[newsshake5]

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Prohormones were developed prior to the exploration as well as advancement of SARMs and after steroids. were already being utilized in the body building neighborhood. Prohormones resemble anabolic-androgenic steroids, yet with milder effects on the body compared to steroids.

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It's this targeting of certain androgen receptors that avoids the harmful poisonous side effects, making them a risk-free, efficient as well as legal choice. The drugs, known as Sarms, are banned by the World Anti-Doping Company but are extensively available online, including via Google, Facebook, Amazon and eBay. They are implied to resemble the impacts of anabolic steroids in building muscle mass without the major side-effects. SARMs are an option to anabolic-androgenic steroids, checking out of which has possibly crossed the mind of many muscle building specialists. Among their numerous benefits is the virtually outright lack of side effects, which include mood damage, sex drive decline, or, as in situation of androgen prep work-- conversion to estrogens, which disrupt the male body photo. " I sent the supplements off and really did not listen to anything for a long while, and then USADA rang me a fortnight ago and also stated that the fresh, closed items I had sent had actually evaluated positive for ostarine. USADA claimed that they would contrast the ostarine ratio in the items to the ostarine ratio from my examinations.

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Unfortunately, the human body attempts to be creative and also when testosterone is on the surge, it has a tendency to increase estrogen also. Sometimes even at a quicker rate, due to this throughout PCT it is important to block estrogen from aromatizing to make sure that adverse effects such as Gyno and even muscular tissue loss don't occur. RAD-140 is most generally made use of at 5-20mg each day, with 10mg daily being the most common for 6-12 weeks. During this time people have actually reported huge increases in strength along with 10-15lbs of muscular tissue from the initial cycle. The normal dose for efficiency enhancement is 2-10mg daily for 4-8 weeks. The average results from this are 7-10lbs of LBM, excellent increases in toughness and little to no fat loss.

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The primary causes for bone and joint conditions are sarcopenia and also osteoporosis. Both, sarcopenia and osteoporosis are under continuous research as well as meanings remain in modification. In ladies, hormonal changes such as the decline in estrogen in the postmenopausal metabolic process might sustain the development of both sarcopenia and also weakening of bones.

The first week changeover was immense, without any uncertainty a recurring effect of the creatine as well as beta alanine, and also the option I made to front lots the research for ostarine for 2 days only. Generally, a drug with a 24 hour half would take a week to get to stable state I assume so an option I employ is 2 days of two caps at the beginning rather than the normal one a day really obtains that study approximately level quickly. I acquired around 2 kg overall in 8 weeks while noticeably loosing fat. Overall I assume I navigated 4-5 Kilos of lean muscular tissues and shed 3 kilos of fat without any diet regimen restriction. my diete was 2200 calorie each day for obtain shreds as well as i take strenght as well as keep the muscle i assume its not fake ostarine. As Ostarine has anabolic results, the dieter can cut calories without having to worry about muscle or strength loss.

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Discover moreSARMs UK supplements are an exciting course of supplements which operate as options to prohormones for those trying to find something more powerful than a natural testosterone booster. These "Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators" work by intensifying androgen degrees in the body which leads to huge rises in efficiency and also recovery. Here's where to get SARMS muscle building supplements in our online shop. Over the past 5 years, online searches for SARMs (or "discerning androgen receptor modulators", including andarine and ostarine) have actually been rising gradually. Utilized this to maintain strength on cut, however really enabled me to boost weight on all workouts at maintenance calories, this functions like a mild PH, it is a terrific alternative anabolic.

Across the board, SARMs are considered safer than steroids consequently. Additionally, they're considered relatively risk-free just because scientists haven't discover red flags that raise alarm system regarding these compounds for human consumption. Men and women young and old have participated in various professional studies, taking different SARMs at various dosages for study purposes recorded in clinical journals. The muscle growth promoted by SARMs is what makes them interesting bodybuilders, professional athletes, as well as guys or females wishing to reduce weight. Nevertheless, research study recommends SARMs can additionally assist protect against osteoporosis and also help people who have it.

Unlike prohormones and also steroids, which bodybuilders have generally utilized, SARMs don't aromatize. The elevated estrogen that follows the increase in testosterone from steroids is what triggers their harmful side effects. SARMS increase testosterone differently that does not boost estrogen and lead to estrogen-related problems.

Albeit, just the highest dosage of LG was examined, it seems to be crucial searching for and needs to be explored in the future studies. Alternatively, testosterone supplementation has actually been shown to increase muscle mass toughness in men and also to avoid muscle mass degeneration in orchidectomized male mice (14-- 17). Although valuable effects on sex-related function, individual distress, and also blood lipids were observed in postmenopausal women, management of testosterone in females is questionable considering that lasting studies are doing not have to prove safety and security. In guys, testosterone supplements is associated with a boosted threat of breathing, cardiac, and also dermatologic negative effects. Bone and joint disorders account for about one-third of illness as well as health problem of the senior in industrial nations and also continue to reveal an upward pattern. Subsequently, the threat of falls has increased, and also cracks are ending up being an extra common injury.

It appears that there is evidence that ostarine is progressively showing up in supplements. There are currently 60 products on USADA's High Danger Checklist that contain ostarine. Preclinical researches have actually shown the capacity of SARMs to increase levator ani muscle mass in the castrated rat as well as to increase bone mass and stamina. Effectiveness tests of a number of SARMs in human beings are in onset and have usually shown modest increments in fat-free mass.

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Ligandrol is often referred to as the "very osta" or the "king of sarms" because of it being very discerning like Ostarine yet applying its impacts a lot more forcefully, leading to greater muscular tissue gains. LGD is a strong agonist for the AR in skeletal muscle as well as bone yet very weak in contrast in the prostate. An Androgen is a class of hormonal agents that work as ligands that bind to cellular androgen receptors. All anabolic steroids or prohormones construct muscle with binding to androgen receptors.

The very first generation SARMs do not undergo aromatization or 5-alpha decrease; it is unidentified whether this might present long-term threats. The efficacy and the security of SARMs as function advertising treatment is just beginning to be examined. GSK, the research drug, belongs to a new course of drugs called non-steroidal, selective androgen receptor modulators, which can imitate a few of the valuable impacts of testosterone whilst staying clear of several of the undesirable side effects. The term 'SARMs' mean Careful Androgen Receptor Modulators. Androgen is an all-natural item of the body that allows us to construct skeletal muscle mass. In turn, this can assist to produce muscle mass, boost bone thickness, and motivate fat loss. The purpose of PCT is to return your testosterone back to regular degrees, whilst combating any type of negative effects that try to show up throughout this time around.

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On YouTube, it is tough to divide the serpent oil sales people from real user testimonials, however the basic consensus appears to be that ostarine works for individuals seeking to develop muscular tissue as well as bone stamina. This would appear to fit with the clinical conditions ostarine was established to deal with in the first place. It also fits with what UFC boxers would be looking for in a supplement.

They have actually been made use of in lots of medical and also pharmaceutical research studies across the study neighborhood. At Ligand Chem we guarantee that our products satisfy the industry criteria. One of the most substantial being boosted sports performance, fat decrease and muscle growth. SARMS which stands for Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators, have actually especially designed molecules that uniquely target the androgen receptors in certain cells.

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Most dietary supplements for weight loss are sold with similarly seductive claims that they will aid users to lose pounds by reducing or suppressing appetite, boosting energy, or merely avoiding or treating common diseases like heart disease and diabetes. But the truth is that most of these products do not work at all and can even be detrimental to your health. Many diet supplements are downright dangerous to take, as they contain ingredients and substances that may be toxic or even deadly. And when it comes to diet supplements, few are more hazardous than ephedra. Here's why.

Ephedra

Ephedra was a popular dietary supplement for decades; it was so popular, in fact, that the government banned its use in doses above five hundred milligrams per day, making it illegal to buy and sell. This powerful stimulant was one of the main ingredients in popular ephedra-based drinks, such as Ephedra-X, and was also used to make larger doses of the drug, also labelled as prescription medicines. As a result, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) imposed a large fine on the maker of the ephedra diet supplement.

Dietary supplements

The Dietary supplements for weight loss are not much safer. In fact, dietary supplements have been found to have minimal effect on weight loss in many cases. As with prescription medications, people taking dietary supplements can experience some severe side effects. Visit Walnut Fitness to know more about the best weight loss supplements.

An increase in body weight 

Most people take these supplements because they are high in calories and low in fibre, both of which are vital to weight loss. However, when these supplements are combined with high-calorie diets, they can increase a person's body weight without them knowing it.

An increase in body fat 

Some dietary supplements for weight loss contain stimulants, increasing a person's body weight without them noticing it. These substances can interfere with metabolic processes, causing a person to burn through calories more quickly than expected. When this happens, the person will typically put on weight quickly, even when they are not eating. 

An increase in blood pressure

Though many dietary supplements for weight loss have no known effect on blood pressure, it is a condition that is always present in people with hypertension. Some of these ingredients can affect cholesterol levels and increase the risk of stroke and heart attack. In the United States, a few pharmaceutical companies have recently recalled some of their dietary supplements because of reports of stroke and heart attack related to hypertension. 

Summing up

Dihydrotestosterone or DHT is one of the most common ingredients in dietary supplements. This is a hormone produced from testosterone that causes significant shrinkage in the prostate gland.

 While DHT may inhibit the growth of new cells, it can cause the death of healthy cells. 

Caffeine is another ingredient that can be found in most weight-loss supplements. High doses of caffeine can have adverse effects on the heart and kidneys. Research has shown that there is an increased risk of colon cancer linked with caffeine use. 

[eightshame06]

The Connection In Between Sarsaparilla As Well As Prostate Cancer.

What Are The Sorts Of Sarms, What Are The Advantages Of Sarms.

Content

Application Of Proteomic Methods To Protein And Peptide Profiling Of Teleme Cheese Made From Different Types Of Milk.

Twp Ostasize 60 Caps.

Peptides As Prescription Antibiotics As Well As Anti.

Reinforcing Muscle Mass.

Anabolic steroids, on the other hand, help in the synthesis of protein. They boost the anabolic hormone, testosterone, up to three times its normal level. This type of steroids is used for short-term purposes only. visit homepage engaged in intensive weight lifting routines, body builders, wrestlers and sprinters are the main abusers of this type of anabolic steroid. Teenagers, persons in their early twenties and pregnant women, who have hormonal problems, are also abusers of this type of anabolic steroid.

In the case of anabolic steroids, the substances are mixed with herbs that give them their effects. Some of these substances are green lipped mussel, hydroxytyrosol, conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), methylxanthines (MA), tetraglycine (TM) and methionine (Methylene Blue). Some of these anabolic steroids, like stanozol, disulfide benzotrichiol, methylpropyl dimethylamine, nordostarine, glycolate, bromelain, creatine monohydrate, insulin, methionine, glycine, arginine, taurine, testosterone and estrogen, helps in the formation of lean body mass. On the other hand, the substances that do not contribute in the development of lean body mass include leucine, lysine, glycerol, hydroxytyrosol, guanidine, bachulin, creatine, taurine and methionine.

Application Of Proteomic Strategies To Protein As Well As Peptide Profiling Of Teleme Cheese Made From Different Sorts Of Milk.

It is essential to have a basic knowledge about the different types of steroids available in the market. A user must understand the pros and cons of using these medicines. Sarms Types of Steroid provides information on the dangers and benefits of these medicines.

Anabolic steroids as sarm type is used to treat almost all the kinds of ailments as well as body disorders. It helps in muscle growth without causing any kind of harm to the other organs or tissues of the body. Also called as legal steroids, it helps people increase their strength and power to train for various sports. Body builders use it for promoting mass production in their muscles.

Twp Ostasize 60 Caps.

The substances called as non-steroidal, or NSAIDS, like aspirin, ibuprofen and chondroitin, do not contribute in the development of arthritis or inflammation. They also help in relieving pain in the joints. Non-steroidal NSAIDs, however, are prone to produce gastrointestinal disturbances in susceptible people, which might lead to ulcers. Some NSAIDs that fall in this classification are celebrex, peptic acid, ciclopirox, bumetanide, probenecid, hypokalemia, ketoconazole and cimetidine.

Therefore the green strip near the bottom left corner of the plot in Figure 5 is adjoining with the area at the top left edge.

There is little liberty of motion within the peptide group, yet rotation of the peptide groups about the Cα-- N and Cα-- C bonds can happen and also is defined by the torsion angles φ and also ψ specifically.

https://highgrade-labs.com/product/bacteriostatic-water-10ml/ of a polypeptide showing 2 planar peptide teams joined at the Cα atom.

. Transforming the peptide team with 360º will certainly bring it back to its starting setting, and − 180º as well as +180 º correspond to the same placement.

Notice that the worths of ɸ and ψ in Number 5 range from − 180º to +180 º

As a result of these steric restraints, just specific values of ɸ as well as ψ, and also hence conformations of the peptide, are permitted whilst others are not.

What are Sarms? Arms is a collective name for several different kinds of steroid medications. Sarms types also include chondroitin, cortisone, prednisone, methylprednisolone, hydrocortisone, testosterone propionate, cortisone dialdehyde, hydrocortisone, methylprednisolone, hydrocortisone propionate and methylvallycerides. These medicines are designed to slow down or stop excessive sweating.

Peptides As Anti-biotics And Anti.

If you decide that you would like to try any type of anabolic steroids, then you should always be aware of the possible side effects and risks that you may experience. Always speak with your doctor before starting any new prescription or supplement. You should never start a new prescription without talking to your doctor first and making sure that the product that you plan on taking is safe for you and will not cause any problems down the road. Talking with your doctor is not only important but it can help you avoid any harmful side effects of anabolic steroids.

Sarms Types includes the hydrolyzed protein formula, lipophilic anabolic steroids, and polyethylene glycolic anabolic steroids. Some steroids also contain weaker forms of synthetic hormones. These anabolic steroids have been banned in many countries such as Australia, Canada, England, France, Germany, Ireland, Japan, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Sweden and the United States. However, they are still legal in some parts of the United Kingdom.

Enhancing Muscle Mass.

Sarms Types can be classified into two main categories that include Indirect and Direct. Indirect steroids have a much lesser effect on the body and can be used for short periods of time. They do not promote growth but are also not known to cause many of the serious side effects that are often associated with them. Direct steroids are much more potent and can be used over a longer period of time with much more serious consequences if used incorrectly.

What are antimicrobial secretions?

Nasal secretions contain antimicrobial proteins and peptides as a first-line host defense against microbial invaders. Lysozyme and lactoferrin, stored in and secreted from serous cells in nasal submucosal glands, are the most abundant antimicrobial proteins of nasal fluid.

Although rare, some side effects of testosterone use have included blood clots, rhabdomyolysis and bone deterioration. Those who have used this type of steroid have also experienced muscle atrophy, loss of muscle density and changes in body structure. Although rare, some bodybuilders have died after using anabolic steroids. These side effects of anabolic steroids however are very rare and in only a very small percentage of cases have they occurred.

Sarms types are pharmaceutical preparations of dried herbs and plants used in the treatment of human and veterinary diseases. These medicines have been made by blending different herbs together or by manufacturing controlled substance containing only a selected few medicinal properties. The best part about these medicines is that they can be used for both preventive and curative purposes. Also known as Sarmas, these medicines are highly specialized, highly made medicines which are used to treat a variety of diseases like bacterial, fungal and viral infections, skin disorders, blood and liver disorders, arthritis, hormonal disorders, menopause, thyroidal disorders, fertility problems and many more.

Are Peptides safe?

They are safe to use but educated prescribing is vital. Like any medication or treatment, peptides can have risks, side effects and contradictions. For example, some may be avoided if the patient has a history of melanoma.

There are many advantages of using these medicines that have nothing to do with the side effects. These are easily available at local health stores and are cheaper than the anabolic type of steroids. They work very well to increase strength, stamina, muscle mass and improve the recovery time after a workout. A user can achieve the desired result within a couple of weeks of usage.

Most of these medicines are prepared as single compound drug products. In order to produce these areas, an enteric coating is added on the medicines which help in faster absorption and retention in the body. Sarms types include Anabolic Steroids, Steroid Anti-Inflammatory Drugs, Anti-Rheumatic Drugs, Autosomal DNA Repair Factors, Gene Therapy, Anti-cancer and anti-viral drugs. Also known as anabolic anti-inflammatories, sarmas are highly useful for athletes, body builders and weight lifters.

Peptides for Skin: Benefits, What to Look for & Side Effects - Healthline

Peptides for Skin: Benefits, What to Look for & Side Effects.

Posted: Fri, 12 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]

It has been observed that some people may have developed liver toxicity due to use of anabolic steroids. The Liver Disease Information Center (LDICC) suggests that a person may suffer from liver damage if he or she continues to use anabolic steroids after liver disease has been ruled out. If this is the case, then it is suggested that one should stop using the drug. The center also gives detailed information about how to handle liver disease, which includes avoiding alcohol, quitting all drug taking, maintaining a healthy diet and abstaining from sex while taking steroid. The acronym for LDLICC is: Lightenhancement.

Anabolic steroids induce hyperurulation of the blood vessels, resulting in increased heart rate and blood pressure. It also constricts the blood vessels and minimizes blood flow in the brain. It is easy to overdose anabolic steroids. Overdosing anabolic steroids causes increased body weakness and can lead to renal failure. It also increases the possibility of a heart attack and a stroke.

Although most types of anabolic steroids have very few side effects, there are some rare cases when they can lead to some very serious problems. When an individual takes a higher dosage than what is prescribed, they can experience serious withdrawal symptoms. This may include vomiting, nausea, diarrhea and dizziness. In extreme cases, these effects can even lead to seizures. So if you are thinking of trying any type of anabolic steroids, it is always best to consult your doctor before doing so.

[rosalind-of-arden]

The Canon Wolfe Trauma Reference Post

Since it looks like there’s some interest in distinguishing between canon and fanon where Wolfe’s torture is concerned, these are my notes on what we have from canon. Where relevant, I’ve noted where we have details that we specifically know apply to Wolfe himself vs details we know about the prison he was held in but don’t know for sure apply to Wolfe. I hope this will be helpful for tagging and for inspiring fics to explore the large amount of ground available to cover. Short notes first, then long list of relevant quotes under the link.

Notes:

In theory, the point of Wolfe’s imprisonment was reeducation. He was also tortured for information on his printing press research. The Artifex wanted to hurt Wolfe just to hurt him, ordering the torture to continue long past the point of achieving any other goal.

Wolfe’s research and journals were taken and put in the Black Archives and/or destroyed.

Wolfe was arrested in his house at night, taken to the Archivist’s office for questioning, then kept in a cell in the Serapeum and questioned further before being taken to Rome. Bit of ambiguity, but torture is likely here.

In Rome, Wolfe was held in a dark stone cell. No other canon details given on Wolfe’s cell specifically, but based on what is shown of the prison, it was probably solitary confinement, and he may have been kept chained.

Physical torture methods: Wolfe specifically refers to cuts, burns, and blows, no other detail given. He has scars, no detail given on where, how many, or what they look like (assuming none on his face, since that would have been mentioned). Based on what we see of the prison, probably any historical torture method is possible. While I’d say it’s generally being used metaphorically, “broken” comes up often enough to justify broken bones, depending on your reading.

Psychological torture methods: Being lied to, being told loved ones are dead, being given comfort (specifically better food, baths, clean clothes) only to have it taken away. Other forms of manipulation are possible.

Wolfe was given some amount of treatment for injuries while in prison. At a bare minimum, Qualls cleaned wounds.

Qualls was personally involved with all questioning and frightened Wolfe greatly. He worked for the Artifex but was given little information beyond the instruction to continue the torture. For unspecified reasons, he decided both he and Wolfe had reached their limits and arranged Wolfe’s release and his own retirement. Does not like the Artifex and threatened retribution if the Artifex imprisoned Wolfe again.

By the end of his time in Rome, Wolfe was so severely traumatized that he barely spoke. This continued at least for the first night after his release.

Wolfe returned home injured. He was bleeding and had difficulty walking. Santi cared for him, specifically bathing, clothing, and holding him. We don’t know any more about his condition or recovery process, other than the fact that he came out of it with PTSD and scars (again, no specifics on those) but no physical disabilities.

After his release, Wolfe is banned from research and publication. The Artifex continues to threaten him and the people he cares about. The Artifex repeatedly tries to kill him. Santi is also threatened.

Wolfe’s PTSD is triggered by memories, feeling trapped, anything prison-like, smells, darkness, and lack of sleep. Symptoms include suicidal thoughts, self harm, psychosomatic itching and pain, nausea, tremors, anxiety, panic attacks, hallucinations, intrusive memories, repressed memories, and trouble distinguishing reality from imagination/memory.

Detailed notes with direct quotes:

All page numbers are from US editions, paperback for the first three books, hardcover for the last two.

On the purpose of Wolfe’s imprisonment and torture:

Keria, on what to do with Wolfe after he invented the press: “He should be taken to a place of questioning and there made to see the error of his beliefs.” (I&B, p. 127)

On Wolfe’s disappearance and the destruction of his work:

Santi: “They took his research. And then he was gone.” (I&B, 322)

Santi: “They destroyed his research, his personal journals, everything.”  (I&B, 322)

The Archivist’s guard’s confession that Jess finds includes Wolfe being arrested and questioned, but no record of anything after that. It isn’t specified, but I’m assuming this is a record of what happened in Alexandria before Wolfe was taken to Rome, since it’s the Archivist’s guard. (P&F, p. 62)

Wolfe: “My device was destroyed, and I was charged with heresy. My work was erased. I was made to disappear, too.” (P&F, p. 63)

Wolfe was arrested in his house, taken to the Archivist’s office (he was questioned there, not specified whether torture was involved), then a cell below the Serapeum (implied he was tortured there, but not specifically stated), then to Rome. (P&F, p. 144-145)

Wolfe’s book on printing, at least, was not destroyed, but put in the Black Archives. Unclear what really happened to his journals and other work (P&F, p. 310)

Santi was in Belgium when Wolfe was arrested and would probably have been killed if he’d seen the press (A&Q, p. 134)

Wolfe on what his fellow Scholars ignored: “...he was dragged off in the night, when his work had been scrubbed from the shelves…” (S&P, 247)

On what happened in Rome:

Wolfe’s journal: “There are mornings when I wake and I am back in the cell, and I see nothing but the dark. Feel nothing but the pain. (P&F, p. 52)

Wolfe: “The pattern follows what they did to me: arrest, torture, prison, erasing me as if I never existed.” (P&F, p. 62)

Wolfe may have been drugged, specifically to keep him from remembering where he was held: “I don’t remember. Can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. I can see pieces, but not… not anything significant.” (P&F, p. 66) (this memory loss might be drug induced, as Dario speculates, but torture itself can cause memory problems..)

Wolfe: “I can’t recall any useful details. What they did to me was very effective.” (P&F, p. 139) (As above, this memory loss might be from either drugs or the torture itself.)

Wolfe, mentioning physical torture methods: “I will happily remember every cut, every burn, every blow if it helps set that boy free.” (P&F, 140)

Being taken out of his cell in Rome was always (or at least usually) bad - Wolfe can handle remembering everything up until the Mesmer asks about what happened when he was taken out of his cell in Rome (P&F, p. 145-146)

Psychological torture method: “They lie [...] It’s their favorite tactic - I know it well - to break your mind and your spirit.” Specifically, falsely claiming that loved ones are dead. (p. 218)

Toward the end of his imprisonment, he seems to have become withdrawn: “there is no variety in his responses to questioning, whatever the particular tools we chose to employ. He rarely speaks at all now.” (S&I, p. 82)

As described by Qualls as of the day of his release: “if your plan was to break him, he is long past broken” (S&I, p. 82). “There are limits, and he has reached them.” (S&I, p. 83).

Qualls (hallucination) on some of what he did: “I’ve been with you in your darkest moments. I’ve cleaned your wounds. I’ve listened to you weep.” (S&I, p. 221)

The “gentle” questioning: “That had only made it worse, the times when the questions had been kind and soft, and there had been a cup of tea and a sweet pastry and a bath. Fresh clothes.” (S&I, p. 221)

Qualls did all questioning: “the questions always came, and always, always, the gray, pale shadow was there to ask them” (S&I, p. 222)

“He’d spent months in a cell like this, huddled and broken” (S&I, p. 224)

“...his body broken in the cells in Rome…” (S&P, 247)

Prison details that may or may not apply to Wolfe’s experience in Rome:

Prisoners are rewarded for good behavior with paper and books (P&F, p. 1)

Psychological manipulation: one guard was ordered to be friendly to Thomas to get secrets out of him (P&F, p. 1)

Cells, at least the one Thomas was in, have barred doors, stone walls and floors, a metal ring in the wall that prisoners can be chained to (P&F, p. 217)

Starvation is a possibility: Jess observes that Thomas lost weight in Rome (P&F, p. 217)

Limited availability of personal grooming and clothing options: Thomas’s hair and beard are a mess, clothes are an “oatmeal-colored shirt and trousers that were much worse for wear” (P&F, p. 217)

Prisoners are kept with wrists and ankles shackled for long enough durations that skin looks “raw” when the shackles are removed. Both Thomas and the other prisoner that Jess sees were chained. (P&F, p. 218, 221)

Torture room equipment: “Mechanical devices” with “spikes, straps, wheels, gears” (P&F, p. 221), “a particularly large construction that looked like a bed, but with gears and ropes and straps stained with old blood” (P&F, p. 222) (either a rack or some kind of restraint table?), “machines built to cut, to tear, to pull, to cause suffering and anguish. There was no other use for them.” (P&F, p. 225)

Rations in the prison in Alexandria seem nutritionally adequate, though it doesn’t mention quantities or say how often they’re delivered: “Meat, bread, cheese, figs, a small portion of sour beer and a larger one of water.” (S&I, p. 91). Wolfe doesn’t find the taste appealing (S&I, p. 92)

The Artifex threatens to shoot another prisoner to coerce Wolfe’s compliance (S&I, p. 94)

Mind games from the Artifex: “I will protect Santi if you take your own life” “if you don’t accept this bargain, I will see that he suffers every torment you can possibly imagine in your place. I’ll even have you brought along” (S&I, p. 98-99)

Prison conditions Wolfe does not think of as torture: “deprivation and the boredom and routine of prison”. He does, however, consider the looming threat of horrible execution to be psychological torture (S&I, p. 227)

Qualls:

Thought they had learned as much as they could from questioning Wolfe six months before releasing him (S&I, p. 82)

Did not want Santi dead (S&I, p. 82)

Did not know why the Artifex hated Wolfe (S&I, p. 82)

Does not consider himself a good person: “I am, as you’re aware, not a merciful person, or a kind one; I would not last long in this job if I had even a shred of such fine qualities.” (S&I, p. 82)

Has limits, does not specify what they are: “I have had enough.” “There are limits, and he has reached them. So have I, surprisingly.” (S&I, p. 82-83)

Very thorough in his plan to release Wolfe, exact sequence of events unclear: “I have personally released Scholar Wolfe, and I have seen the Archivist in person [...] The Obscurist Magnus has also been told.” Archivist allowed the release in part because Qualls had information on other prisoners in Rome, in part because Keria was furious. (S&I, p. 83)

Feels strongly enough about Wolfe’s release to threaten to expose Library secrets if the Artifex ever has Wolfe imprisoned again (S&I, p. 83)

Speaks to Wolfe in a creepily pseudo-comforting tone, at least while Wolfe is hallucinating him: “We’re old friends, you and I. I’ve been with you in your darkest moments. I’ve cleaned your wounds. I’ve listened to you weep. Remember?” (S&I, p. 221)

Hallucination Qualls describes the times the questioning was gentle as “the good times.” (S&I, p. 221)

Appearance: “the gray, pale shadow”, Even in full light, the man had always been terrifying. Something about him was dead, and it showed in his eyes, his smile, the not-quite-human way he moved.” (S&I, p. 222)

On the aftermath:

Santi: “It was more than a year before he turned up again. Middle of the night. He looked like he’d crawled out of hell.” (I&B, 322)

Santi: “He’s a walking ghost. He’s been a ghost since the day they finally let him go.” (I&B, p. 323) (could be a reference to his status with the Library, but I read some indication of his mental/emotional state into this, too)

Santi: “I was there when Wolfe crawled bloody to this door. I’m the one who saw what was done to him.” (P&F, p. 138)

Wolfe doesn’t blame Santi for not wanting to see the Mesmer session because “he remembers how I was after” (P&F, p. 141)

Keria was there when Wolfe was released: “She brought me home. To you. She left before you found me.” (P&F, p. 291)

Released by Qualls personally (S&I, p. 83)

“He’d come back from Rome a broken, shaking shell of a man” (S&I, p. 226)

Wolfe’s own memories of his return home: “A broken bone heals twice as strong, he told himself. Santi had taught him that mantra the night he’d stumbled in the door of their house. [...] Santi had bathed him, dried him, clothed him, held him through the night to whisper it in a constant, bracing refrain, because Wolfe had been unable to speak or explain where he’d been” (S&I, p. 230)

Continuing threats and punishment after Rome:

Pretty much every ephemera from the Artifex involves a threat or attempt to kill Wolfe.

Wolfe, to the Artifex: “I’ve done all that you have asked of me since my release. I’ve stood silent when you threatened my friends, my lover, destroyed my life’s work. I’ve borne every punishment.” (I&B, p. 160)

Wolfe: “Saddling me with your class was a kind of punishment. To teach me obedience.” (I&B, p. 286)

Santi: “They wanted him to find your secrets and turn them over. But he found your secrets and he never betrayed them. […] Little rebellions. Wolfe was meant to die on the trip to Oxford. He’s an embarrassment and a risk. Living on borrowed time.” (I&B, p. 323)

Journal monitoring, at least as far as Wolfe knows, began after Wolfe’s arrest. He’s afraid they’re monitoring Santi’s especially closely: “I was afraid you’d change what you were writing. If you had, they’d have taken you.” (I&B, p. 326)

Wolfe: “I was finally released, under the condition that I never again publish or pursue any lines of research that the Library deems dangerous. I live on sufferance.” (P&F, p. 64)

Trauma symptoms:

Suicidal thoughts:

““Better safe than dead, sir” [Glain] said. “As you well know.” “Do I?” His face, Jess thought, looked more set and grim than ever, and there were dark shadows beneath his eyes [...] He looked thin and haunted.” (P&F, p. 34)

Santi: “It’s keeping you alive. That’s what I care about.” Wolfe: “Then you care too much.” (P&F, p. 58)

Wolfe: “I’m not insane [...] I’m not on the verge of it. I may be stretched to my limits - my limits being admittedly lower than they should be [...]”

Wolfe, in response to Santi saying he’ll support him: “That’s what makes me live when the alternative seems so peaceful” (A&Q, p. 269)

““Promise me that tomorrow, there’s no prison. No Qualls. If it comes to that-” “If it does,” Santi said, “then it comes for us both.” [...] Odd, that the promise of death would sound so inviting when put that way” (S&I, p. 349)

Self harm:

“He slammed the heel of his hand into the wall, again and again until he felt the skin break and smelled hot blood” (S&I, p. 99)

In prison again: “His skin itched so fiercely that he rubbed scars until they bled” (S&I, p. 220)

Tremors and other psychosomatic symptoms:

“There was a tremor in his voice now, and in his hands, too” (P&F, p. 58)

In prison again: “His skin itched so fiercely that he rubbed scars until they bled” (S&I, p. 220)

When remembering the nicer questioning in Rome: “Wolfe remembered it so vividly every scar began to ache” (S&I, p. 221)

“His hands trembled” (S&I, p. 220)

After the Qualls hallucination: “Wolfe held his head in his hands, shivering, sick, shaking from the onslaught of memory” (S&I, p. 222-223)

Being taken for questioning: “a wave of very real nausea and dizziness” (S&I, p. 230)

Trouble telling reality from hallucination:

Wolfe’s journal: “On those mornings, I am convinced I never escaped that place, and the life I have had since never existed at all, except as a fantastic illusion.” (P&F, p. 53)

Self-induced hallucination as coping strategy: imagining Santi to get himself to sleep while back in prison, he seems to lose touch with reality, and Saleh’s comments in S&P suggest he might have been talking out loud while doing this (S&I, p. 220)

Qualls hallucination (S&I, p. 220-222)

Cell door opening (S&I, p. 223)

Sphinx could also be a hallucination (I tend to see this one as real, with the automaton’s attention drawn by Wolfe’s one-sided conversation with Qualls and attempt to open the door, but ymmv. (S&I, p. 223-224)

In Rome, Wolfe hallucinated Santi with him and was sure it was real at the time (S&I, p. 224-225)

Hallucinates Santi comforting him when he’s in prison again (S&I, p. 225-226)

The morning after the Qualls hallucination, he thinks of it as “a vague dream” and hopes his conversation with Saleh was hallucinated as well (S&I, p. 227-228)

Saleh: “Wolfe spoke of him [...] well… not to me. I suppose better to say he spoke to him when Wolfe was… unwell [...] Prison was not good for the man” (S&P, p. 51)

Nightmares and intrusive memories:

Wolfe: “I see all this every night in dreams.” (P&F, p. 63)

In prison again: “A night when he wouldn’t close his eyes, for fear the past would smother him.” (S&I, p. 87)

In prison again: “relaxing brought the memories. He’d fought them every night, sometimes all night; lack of rest made them more vivid and compelling” (S&I, p. 220)

While hallucinating Qualls: “He remembered. And that was more frightening than the idea that this was a ghost, a phantom, a madness.” (S&I, p. 222) (could read this just as a statement on how traumatic the memories are, could read as repressed memories surfacing)

After the Qualls hallucination: “Wolfe held his head in his hands, shivering, sick, shaking from the onslaught of memory” (S&I, p. 222-223)

Repressed memories:

Wolfe, on where he was held prisoner: “I don’t remember. Can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. I can see pieces, but not… not anything significant.” (P&F, p. 66) (this memory loss might be drug induced, as Dario speculates, but torture itself can cause memory problems..)

Wolfe: “I can’t recall any useful details. What they did to me was very effective.” (P&F, p. 139) (As above, this memory loss might be from either drugs or the torture itself.)

While hallucinating Qualls: “He remembered. And that was more frightening than the idea that this was a ghost, a phantom, a madness.” (S&I, p. 222) (could read this just as a statement on how traumatic the memories are, could read as repressed memories surfacing)

After the Qualls hallucination: “Wolfe held his head in his hands, shivering, sick, shaking from the onslaught of memory” (S&I, p. 222-223)

The morning after the Qualls hallucination: “He’d forgotten that he’d spoken to Saleh in the depths of his delusion. Or at least had hoped that the conversation had been imagined” (S&I, p. 228)

Seems like he’s already repressing the memory of the Qualls hallucination: “Something tugged at him, and for a second he felt a bubble of panic surface. Some memory clawing to the surface, something from the prison. Then he remembered, and a flinch ran through him.” (S&I, p. 348)

Not talking about Qualls more than once could be an effort to repress those memories, too (S&I, p. 2348)

Anxiety/Panic Attacks:

In the prison, Wolfe snaps at the kids, his voice breaks, and Jess observes trembling, sweat on his face even though the temperature is cool, and possible trouble breathing (“Wolfe dragged in a tormented breath”) (P&F, p. 220)

At the castle, Wolfe and Santi end up fighting because of Wolfe’s reaction to being trapped and fear of being captured “So we stay here, in this - overstuffed prison, waiting for the Archivist to turn the High Garda on us? I won’t. I can’t.” (A&Q, p. 267)

Wolfe, to Thomas: “You understand. Rooms grow small. Silence gets heavy.” (A&Q, p. 283)

When the Artifex ambushes the pack in the Iron Tower, Wolfe and Thomas both look “as if their souls had already left their bodies.” (P&F, p. 324)

Wolfe is oddly quiet when first locked up in Philadelphia (A&Q, no dialogue from p. 16-28, while others are discussing strategy)

When put in prison again: “A day of shuddering, flinching, imagining that every sound was a torturer coming for him again.” (S&I, p. 87)

When hallucinating Qualls: “He stopped breathing. Like a child, hiding in the dark from the monsters, that was all he could do.” (S&I, p. 221)

When the cell door “opens”: “something inside him twisted and screamed in terror at the thought. I won’t make it.” (S&I, p. 223)

Wolfe, learning he’s nominated for Archivist: “His eyes burned, and for a moment he thought it was with tears, but no, no, it was anger. He couldn’t speak. Could hardly breathe for the pressure of fury building in his chest.” (S&P, p. 246) (Dominant emotion here is anger, yes, but don’t these also sound like panic attack symptoms? And doesn’t Wolfe frequently get angry in response to feeling trapped?)

Triggers:

Memories, in general, trigger symptoms.

A list of triggers, smell being the worst: “He could ignore the darkness, the bars, the discomfort. But not the smell.” (S&I, p. 87)

Lack of sleep: “relaxing brought the memories. He’d fought them every night, sometimes all night; lack of rest made them more vivid and compelling” (S&I, p. 220)

[askiisoft]

FAN ART FRIDAY: ALL THE WARRIORS, Part 3

Welcome back to Part 3 of “All the Warriors”, a month-long celebration of the Katana ZERO community’s fan characters that populate the war-torn cityscape and seedy underworld of New Mecca. 

For those just joining us, be sure to read Part 1 and Part 2 first.

Remember, Friday, August 16th is the last day to submit your OC for next week’s feature!

This week is full of tragedy, loss, and pyromania, so have a handkerchief (and maybe a fire extinguisher) on hand as we dive into this feel-bad parade of forgotten soldiers. Let’s have a look!

[WARNING: The work herein is based on fan creations, and should not be considered canon.]

Alpha 3, by @nizioroMOMO

There was once a cheerful young girl who loved nothing more than all that glittered and shined, from the brightest jewels to the starry skies. Unfortunately, on the battlefield most things that glitter also explode, which robbed poor Alpha 3 of her sight and thus her most beloved pursuit in life.

It’s terrible to be wounded in combat, but losing your passion is something much worse. Imagine if Zero went deaf, forced to massacre mafioso without synthwave blasting from his headphones. Would life still be worth living?

Her character design clearly communicates the eager naïveté of the young Three compared to her stately, serene self now. Whatever happened, it seems she’s made peace with her past, which is more than can be said for most NULL.

By @nizioroMOMO

—

Subject X2 by @teknopathetico​

“Chronos wasn’t the only drug the government developed for the war.”

We may never know what chemical cocktail the Psychiatrist injected to transform into a writhing mountain of flesh, but whatever it was, Subject X2 has had years to perfect its use. Rather than an amalgam of body horror, X2 seems able to tap into each enemy’s individual phobias to instill doubt and gain the upper hand.

“I know what you’re afraid of.” By @teknopathetico​

Since the drug’s effects were stated to be purely psychological, fear-inducing pheromones are the only feasible explanation for X2′s feats of transformation that defy all physical laws and vary wildly between witness testimonies. 

By @teknopathetico​

—

Beta 7, “Bullet” by @stanio_kz

As far as dying wishes go, simply “live” is no tall order. But that one word carries a lifetime of survivor’s guilt for Bullet. Was it his fault the Cromags managed to get past their lines that day? Should they have made a retreat, despite their orders? Could he have done something for Shadow in the last few moments together in those muddy jungle trenches?

Some days, simply slogging through a guard detail and enjoying a hot meal is enough to convince Bullet he’s living up to his friend’s memory. But each time he visits the grave, he wonders if Shadow wouldn’t wanted something more—revenge on his killer, perhaps, or for Bullet to lay down his old knife and stop fighting for good. 

“I don’t know what’s right anymore. Shadow..what do I do?” By @stanio_kz

—

Beta 9, “Shadow” by @stanio_kz

—

Gamma 68, “Cheshire” by @lesbianakechi

There is, however, a darker side to losing a dearest comrade—namely, the urge to inflict that same loss on others. To be hunted by a Gamma NULL is truly terrifying; to the hapless police investigators, there is no modus operandi linking the “Chesire” murders, beyond targeting assorted outcasts and junkies. But to those who knew Sasha as a model commander and caring mentor, seeing how far he’s fallen is as disturbing as his sickly rictus grin. 

There are whispers that the New Meccan government has stymied several investigations against him—one by one, he is cleaning up vestiges of their war crimes more effectively than their own agents ever could.

—

Beta 70, “Cherry” by @zenixdd

For all his rage against his former masters, Gamma Fifteen was positively blessed compared to the miserable fates of his comrades like Cherry, who lacked any hope of leading a normal life.

Maimed and orphaned before she even joined the NULL project, Cherry received prototype prosthetics that elevated her far above a line trooper. However, she was treated as a weapon by her commanders, and her joy at her newfound mobility turned to horror and, eventually, resignation. 

Once the nigh-invincible Gamma subjects were introduced, her prosthetics program was deemed redundant, and she was reduced to becoming a guinea pig for their horrific experiments. 

By @zenixdd

With the shuttering of the NULL program, Cherry’s fate was left a mystery. Most assumed her death as a matter of course, executed and ‘disposed’ of like so many other expendable test subjects. But there were a few rumors of her miraculous escape—either as a sole survivor, freed at last, or a fearsome revenant, bent on exacting revenge on the Gamma NULL she blames for condemning her to suffer in the labs...

“I’ll kill them all...especially those f*cking NULLs!” By @zenixdd

—

Gamma 17, “Robin Hood” by @RollingRubic

To erase the the NULL program from history, the head researchers resorted to extreme measures. All across the country, records were burned, training centers demolished, and subjects ‘disposed of’—all except one. Cleanup crews reported a ransacked facility, its research staff dead and riddled with arrows, its holding cells empty, and its Chronos stockpile gone. 

In a time when it’s every NULL for themselves among an ever-dwindling supply of Chronos, it’s heartening to see at least one person showing charity and concern for the helpless. But in his heart, Robin knows his ‘family’ can’t subsist on stolen Chronos forever—as long as they live, they will be hunted. 

His ultimate goal has become procuring the formula for Chronos to start synthesizing a fresh supply, something the New Meccan authorities fear above all else. In his eyes, the lives of dozens of orphaned children far outweighs the risks, even if it forces him to work with some less than savory characters...

"We’re family.” By @RollingRubic

—

Alpha 20, “Twenty” by @erinwenke​

For a time, the deployment of NULL was considered a state secret, the disappearance of entire villages attributed to natural disasters or sudden epidemics. This was all thanks to ‘cleaners’ like Alpha 20, who were tasked with razing any ‘assets’ the Cromags could use, including the local population.

In the wake of how often NULL were deployed against civilian targets, the then-cumbersome weight of his fuel tank was nothing compared to the crushing burden of guilt he carries now.

—

Gamma 216, “Candy” by @Mochisticker274

During pangs of Chronos withdrawal, it was common for NULL to develop lesser addictions to cope with their major one. For some, it was cigarettes, caffeine, or alcohol. Candy instead found relief in vast quantities of sugar, though any colorful and bite-sized would suffice. Following multiple reprimands for rifling through pockets of fallen Cromags in search of treats, her superiors quickly relented after witnessing her fierce temper from being denied “snacky-time” one time too many.

Considering the loss of her left eye, hair, and part of her sanity, Candy’s attitude is admirable: rather than sulk over her former girlish charms, she took the opportunity to further indulge her sweet tooth. At least that’s an addiction that’s easily satisfied.

—

Gamma 95 by @Tomacocandy

I’m surprised it took this long to encounter an OC with heterochromia (differently-colored eyes). 

On account of her nascent amblyopia, Gamma 95′s miserable marksmanship earned her ridicule at the shooting range and scoldings from her drill sergeant. When she disappeared on the eve of inspections, some speculated that she had deserted in shame or been ‘retired’ to become the labs’ latest test subject.

But when 95 emerged from the jungle depths days later, clothes torn and smelling of ash, she had found her calling. Soon, she realized she didn’t need perfect eyesight to sweep a ten-foot-long gout of liquid flame across a battlefield...and thus, a legend was born.

Most pyrotechnicians were relegated to ‘cleanup’ duty away from the frontlines; only Mondsa possessed the Gamma reflexes necessary to employ a flamethrower in live combat, a tradition that Subject Zero would proudly continue.

—

Gamma 18 by @ruko_ruho

Short of getting banned from every casino in Chinatown, fortune-telling is a decent way to make a living off of one’s precognitive ability, so long as you’re only curious about events sixty seconds into the future. 

For Gamma 18, risking his life as a test subject and frontline trooper was preferable to scrounging for scraps in the streets of New Mecca. However, his street-smarts proved just as valuable in the field as his drug-induced powers, using improvised traps, terrain, and trickery to his advantage almost as well as the Cromags he hunted. When that failed, his skills with knives more than compensated.

Once locals noticed the absence of his folding card table along the main Chinatown plaza, rumors abounded of government bogeymen abducting him in the dead of night. But those who fought alongside Eighteen know that he’s far too clever to let anyone get the best of him.

By @ruko_ruho

—

Beta 8 by @2M_i_W_5

Hopelessly addicted to gambling despite your rotten luck? Still single at the depressing and decrepit age of 25? What’s the point in going on, Beta 8 asks?

Suicide is a very serious topic, let’s be clear. But like how the captive Prometheus cursed his godhood as eagles ate his liver in Greek mythology, the age-old irony of an immortal being powerless to end their own life has always been a rich vein for drama...and it seems drama is what this woman hungers for.

By @wqwrppwu

Unlike so many veterans who fit the trope for ‘wounded warriors', Neith radiates the energy of ‘recently divorced working mother’: she may be pounding back martinis and sobbing like the world’s ended right now, but after a heart-to-heart with her old comrade Beta 11 and a cuddle session with her newly-adopted cat, perhaps she’ll conclude there’s still some things worth living for. 

By @2M_i_W_5

—

Gamma 6, “Firecracker” by @whycantIrungood

Just like a wildfire, Suzy the “Firecracker” was both notoriously destructive and difficult to control. She scoffed at the slow, surgical tactics of executioner-class NULL in favor of the loudest and most direct path to her objective, be it through enemy lines or solid structures; neither withstood the roar of her twin rotary guns for long.

Since the end of the war, Suzy’s learned that she is both immensely talented at arson and intensely bored by it. What’s the point of torching a crime scene when the killing’s already done? Despite the suspicious deaths of so many other ex-NULL who remained in the government’s service, Suzy knows her skills are far too valuable and dangerous for the higher-ups to make an enemy of her.

—

Beta 18, “Cerberus” by @zhraekk

The ghettoes of Chinatown have become a welcome refuge for NULL seeking protection from government spooks and bounty hunters. But for Cerberus, joining the underworld was never his choice to make. 

Whether due to Chronos dependency, blackmail, or his ‘Aunt Meta’ simply needing a new enforcer, it seems his post-war life involves feigning respect for his doting boss while pining for his NULL days. Violent though they were, they’re also his last precious memories of his missing brother.

As the ranks of New Mecca’s crime syndicates swell with former NULL acting as guards and assassins, he’s come to understand the city’s underworld politics are every bit as fraught as the trap-laden Cromag jungles.

By @zhraekk

—

Beta 5, “Boots” by @sekaaliart

With their finger on a trigger, a child is as dangerous as any adult. Beta 5 earned her nickname “Boots” after her child feet barely filled even the smallest combat boots the barracks could find, a light-hearted anecdote that belies just how early she was indoctrinated into a life of conflict. As her kill count skyrocketed, the ‘shorty’ and ‘kid’ jokes among her squad quickly ceased. 

For Boots, the end of the war was simply a move from jungle to urban warfare, a sniper’s paradise. She gives no warning, and leaves no calling card. With NULL powers now fully developed, not even her former comrades are safe from her crosshairs.

—

Beta 13 by @818CoffeeCat

When public expectations for a speedy invasion were dashed against the realities of waging war in thick Cromag jungles, the top New Mecca brass commissioned a solution for rapid defoliation. Through testing countless chemical weapons, their top prospect was (somehow) Project “Flame Force”, a platoon of prototype terror troopers trained to raze entire forests in minutes.

The project was not a success.

Now armed with a high-tech chemical flamethrower, his fireproof avian partner Ernesto, and a crazed look in his eye, the sole survivor of that ill-fated project marches on the oh-so-flammable city. Beware.

—

I made quite a few errors with last week’s post, so if you notice any glaring mistakes, please let me know via Twitter. Remember to send any last-minute OC submissions by Friday, August 16th. 

Otherwise, click here to read Part 4, the jumbo-sized final entry of “All the Warriors”, and stay safe out there. 

Thanks to @818CoffeeCat for letting me use that “Beware” sticker all over the place!

By @55_yamisan