#SO VERY TRAUMATIZED AND LONELY
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nicawlette · 2 years ago
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CONCLUSION.
It felt like a some kind of cruel joke at this point, that the worst came only when she was by herself. After shouldering the burden of others, so too must she bear the weight of her own— then again, when had she ever stopped? Where was the luxury of letting go, or a pair of hands that knew just how heavy it all was, and lessened the load, anyway?
The mist brought all her greatest nightmares to life, mocking her with things she tried to forget. All the suffering endured to gain power— what was it all for, if just one face was enough to make her feel like a frightened child? ❛ I'm not weak. ❜ she cried. ❛ You can't hurt me anymore. ❜ But maybe she was, and perhaps he could, even as a memory. Sometimes she wondered if that helpless girl, desperate to be as small and unassuming as possible, would always live inside her— overshadowed by the woman with brutal strength and a personality big enough to fill a room.
Violence was the only method she knew to protect herself, and with the shackles on her abilities released, pure survival instinct took over. It was both a blessing and a curse not to be repressed, but with her rationality shattered, there was nothing to stop her from falling off the edge.
There was no one to help her, either.
Being alone never felt like such a disadvantage, before this place. Just an unfortunate truth. As much her reality as enduring pain was. But it was so much harder now, to cope with that feeling. She made the mistake of growing too attached, and now Nicolette had to suffer the consequences. What it meant to finally give a name to the the great, hollow chasm in her chest, and in turn, give it power. The loneliness ate at her, giving way to a deep ache that persisted until momentarily assuaged by a gentle smile, a kindred spirit or touch that seemed to say, ❛ I accept you ❜.
Without it, there was nothing to anchor her. She simply slipped away, bleeding herself dry as she sunk deeper beneath the waves. The past was not dead. It swallowed her into its depths and whispered, ❛ No one is coming for you. You are alone. ❜ There was no one to save her, so she saved herself. She always had.
I'M SO TIRED.
I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE, ANYMORE.
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The sky had long grown dark, though it was impossible to tell through the fog. Distantly, as if watching the scene through a second pair of eyes, Nicolette saw herself reaching a point of no return. And then, all at once, the mist was gone.
There was no victory to be found in her success of survival. Blood began to cool, tacky and thick, along with the tears on her cheeks; however, most of it painted the ground. The full scale of her power was carried away with the wind, leaving every carefully clotted wound to split open, spilling fresh warmth down her skin.
Beneath the familiar pain was a sense of unnatural fragility, unstable and ready to shatter like glass. Vulnerable like an exposed nerve. Even the adrenaline wasn't enough to overcome the consequences of how much blood she'd lost. One step was all it took before her vision swam and knees buckled. They hit the dirt, hard, and she shook with full body tremors. Her surroundings finally cleared, revealing the startling absence of bodies. Solid forms dissipated like smoke, and Nicolette watched the figure of her most violent loathing disappear. He wore the same twisted smile as the last time she saw him. It seemed to mock her the way it had back then, as he condemned her to Hell.
She collapsed into the grass after that, too weak to move, breathing ragged and weak even to her own ears. Everything else began to grow colder. ❛ I'm scared, ❜ she thought, ❛ I don't want to die alone. ❜
And then, there was nothing.
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When Nicolette next opens her eyes, she's greeted by a white ceiling, white walls, white sheets— it's all the same, really. All very clinical, and she supposes it would be... because, somehow, she's in a hospital. The metal guards on the sides of the bed and constant, dull beeping of the heart monitor to her left are proof enough, but the poor interior design of the rooms seem to be a staple that she just can't understand.
They even look like that in tv shows. What's up with that?
She's never been a fan of places like this— the innocuous medical equipment and scratchy sheets are a far cry from the experimental torture she underwent in prison, but the aesthetics are still far too similar to be anything but horribly unsettling. It makes her stomach twist up into knots, a heavy weight settling onto her chest. Peering down, she can see the way an expanse of white bandages peek out from the neckline of the hospital gown. She finds that they line her arms, too, after pulling one out from beneath the professionally tucked blanket.
Everything hurts. There's no denying it. The smallest bit of movement causes pain to explode through every nerve, and Nicolette cannot repress a broken moan. The door opens then, and in walks a handsome nurse who seems surprised, yet relieved, that she's awake. Most of what he says goes in one ear and out the other, but she summarizes that her blood loss was startlingly extensive. She'd been out for a few days, at least.
Then, he starts asking a bunch of questions. Her name, where she lives, any relatives? Friends? ❛ What happened to you? ❜ Her throat is sore and her voice is shot, probably on account of all the wailing, but she swallows past the lump and forces a smile. ❝ I—I... It's, uh... hard to think, to be honest... I can't really remember much right now, and I'm in a lot of pain... could I get something for it, maybe? ❞ At least part of that is true, and she appears sufficiently pitiful until the nurse nods with clear sympathy and assures her he'll be right back.
Nicolette is alone, again, laying in an uncomfortable bed, in an ugly, white room. Exhaustion is etched into every inch of her weary frame, as she sinks into abject misery.
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When the nurse returns, the room is empty.
The heart monitor is unplugged and silent while the comforter sits in a wrinkled pile at the corner of the mattress as if it had been thrown aside in a hurry. An IV lays abandoned on the bed, droplets of blood staining the sheets beneath the needle.
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taxinealkaloids · 2 years ago
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horrible children who are. so so mean to each other
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the-crooked-library · 5 months ago
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"Louis and Armand were still in love in Dubai!!" "Louis and Armand never loved each other!!" - no. it's worse. they were on the precipice of something good, but Armand couldn't recognize that, so he ruined everything they had, right when Louis had actually come to love him. the love was there for a fleeting moment and it was ruined irreversibly, never to return, even after decades they'd spent together out of desperation and spite. it's worse and that's the point
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your-ne1ghbor · 7 months ago
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Asha design reference I think idk (TKORAT AU)
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She kinda reminds me of young Amaya unironically lol
(probably bc Amaya gave Asha her old clothes 💀💀💀)
(Or that I was playing with my style again for the millionth time)
I FORGOT HER FUCKING FRECKLES NOOOOOOOOO
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Also been thinking about changing her sidekick animal to smth different but idk what tbh 🐀
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HEheh ofc I had to draw silly angst and moment together
For her dress, Im not even done with it. I wanna add patterns that represents her and the kingdom but idk how to execute it outfit wise atm. Plus, I wanna fix some problems I have with the dress, mainly the middle and top part as well since it really reminds me of FS! Asha and I dont really want that and wasn't trying to go for that 😭
The hair was pretty fun ngl. I got to see a ton of styles in box braids and they're all really pretty :D. I simply went for the pulled back box braids since I thought it fit her well design wise.
The crown was the easiest. I was just simply looking at crowns from medieval times and I kinda got reminded of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And the Wardrobe. Specifically the ending where the kids got their crowns.
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I felt like it just fit her design wise. But that probs just me being a sucker for flower crowns right now smh 🤦‍♀️
Going back to the dress, I was heavily looking up Spain Outfits from medieval times including some other ones, like the French outfits for example, mainly as inspriation for the outfit so I can come up with my own design of a dress for Asha :D
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The rest of the dress kinda came from my pencil, I was just sketching until the design looked right to me and then was like: YES haha
I did look at her early concept version's of Asha as well, but it was only for her hair, since it is always the hair I have trouble with
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(plus this is one of my fav styles I see Asha in from the art book lol)
Idk if this will be her ACTUAL FINAL design, but ig it is a part of the process of my overthinking :')
Annnnnndddd ofc thinking how I am gonna traumatize her in her childhood. Hell yeah...
...
:(
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howlsofbloodhounds · 3 months ago
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thinking about a certain anonymous confession on the utdr confession blog mostly unable to get behind sans aus where chara is “evil” and i get that completely, but also something new is probably the only time i can get behind “evil” chara is because the au leaves enough open for interpretation and nuance that most of the fandom just doesn’t do anything with or explore anything with
Cause like, chara is hardly completely evil—the remake/timeline of the something new comics making the player more obvious was pretty clear that the player was heavily involved and that killer wasn’t the only one effected.
it leaves room to wonder about Chara got where they are in something new—so manipulative, apathetic, desensitized, cruel, controlling and possessive while still acknowledging they are just as child trapped in the same game that killer/sans is no matter how much they might’ve tried to resist or fight back or protect themself or make themselves the biggest nuisance around.
there’s enough interpretation, moments we don’t see, to wonder about the nature of killer and Chara’s relationship. It’s not a stretch to think that once upon a time they were genuinely partners. Not equals, because Chara’s the most Determined and therefore in control, but for the longest time they only had eachother. only the other was real. it’s interesting to explore but many don’t
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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I think as we grow up, we have to be really conscious of romanticizing the world we grew up in in order to scorn how the next generations are growing up.
Nostalgia isn't inherently bad, but especially in political spaces, be very wary of this idea that there is an Ideal Past we must Harken Back To.
It sucks to feel left behind, but such is the human condition. It isn't bad to feel nostalgic, but that doesn't mean that these new generations are inherently "lost" and "need to be saved (by you)", and I think that is very important to remember and try to be conscious of.
#politics#'the world you grew up in no longer exists' frankly... GOOD!#the world i personally grew up in was scary and lonely and traumatizing. no kid today should STILL be growing up like that#the whole 'nostalgia as a poltical means' is rooted in this idea that...#1) we all grew up in a hegemony 2) we all turned out the same 3) the way we grew up had more privileges afforded to us#and i personally like nostalgia! i like watching videocamera videos from 2005 and looking up super specific shit#but nostalgia does not a good world make#INSERT UMBERTO ECO'S FOURTEEN POINTS ON FASCISM#(though i don't always think nostalgia can lead to this in a political sense there is a fine line)#be very mindful of what motivates nostalgiaposting#is it because people miss childhood and how 'simple' it felt? or is there a different reason that motivates this type of posting?#are you romanticizing childhood to the point you are not remembering your childhood /at all/ but the *idea* of it?#and honestly it is SO jarring when my peers are nostalgic because it's like... we aren't even that old!!#it comes across like... the world is hard and it's getting harder and so we cannot chnage and must wistfully think of the past...#...and to me it comes across as almost... doomerist in how end-stage feelings of nostalgia and hopelessness seen#i feel compassion for the impulse to feel like your old life is over and you need to grieve it...#...but certainly that isn't the younger generations fault? especially because WE are now the ones rasing them and we still yet live#(even at our completely decrepit age of not even close to a mid-life crisis (sarcasm and lighthearted))
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kannra21 · 1 year ago
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Gege rly said "I never felt a woman's touch and now I'm going to make it everyone's problem"
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shatterdome-underscore · 1 year ago
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Nows as good a time as any to share my favorite personal headcanon that in the original timeline before Ron was in the picture Nick thought it would be rad to set up Glenn and Samantha after they met at a school-based grief counselling thing for kids who lost a parent because she was nice and asked Nick how he was feeling and then Terry did absolutely everything in his power to make sure their parents were never even in the same room again because absolutely fucking not
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beanghostprincess · 1 year ago
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Something that has been a very pleasant surprise for me watching Fmab is Ling's character. I knew I would love him the second he showed up (Mamoru Miyano's characters are always my favorites and I knew I'd love him) but I never thought he'd be like this. I mean, of course, the character seemed to have way more depth than it looks like the first minutes he shows up, but still. I was not expecting him to care so much and so deeply for his country and his clan, but he literally does everything for them. And it's not even from a prince's perspective, he genuinely, in the most human of ways, cares about his people and his friends and he might be annoying to Ed because of wanting to get something out of him, but he grows fond of him and ends up caring about him. I don't know where his character is going yet, and I hate (I love) how many plot twists this show has because I can't predict anything, but for now? His character is just perfect for me. There's just something about what he tells Greed about friendships being bonded by souls that just fucking killed me because he appreciates human life and the value of love and connections. My first interpretation of this guy was "ah, yes, typical ENTP. Cocky. Selfish. Probably has a sad background and covers it with laughs. And he cares about people but puts logic fir-" and now I'm like ?? On episode 44 I think? And this guy is extremely ENFJ to me. And I just started analyzing shit without anybody asking me about this but! In my defense, I'll say he's my favorite character and I love him a lot.
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cptnbeefhrt · 29 days ago
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hi life update i still miss my 6’3” blond freckle boy situationship (he was my manager at my old job before i moved cities) uhh my job pays good but it sucks (starbucks barista at a grocery store…) …….. but im doing good financially n all i rly do is go to work n smoke weed in my apartment w my roommate.. um ya anyways calypso out
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vacalimpia · 7 months ago
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im feeling a little bit peeved regarding the fact I havent been able to find this one book i want in about any bookstore ive been in for around 2 or so years. and you might be thinking. "oh it must be a foreign book," or "you could just order it online," and to that id say. WRONG AND JUST NOT POSSIBLE😭😭!!!!
the thing that makes me not finding it at any bookstore terrible is that this is not a foreign book— not in a different language, not from a different country— NO, ITS A PANAMENIAN BOOK!!! aka... THE COUNTRY IM LIVING IN!!!! AND I CANNOT FIND IT ANYYYWHEREEE!!!!
and it simply does not appear to be sold online so im starting to think I am cooked 😓 for a book that was one of the best sellers in the country 15 years ago it sure has become invisible
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theriverdalereviewer · 2 years ago
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surely one of you has read nineteen minutes by jodi picoult... as usual I have THOUGHTS
#the lesson of this book has not aged well#now let me break it down quickly#but major tw if you ever consider reading nineteen minutes its a book with two teenage protagonists but it was written for a mature audience#the book deals with bullying gun violence and abuse and it does depict them quite graphically#so yeah I absolutely would not pick up this book if youre sensitive to that#but anyways the story is about a shooting that happens at a high school and then takes you back to the events that led up to it#as well as the aftermath#and I feel like the idea of Peter's has aged quite poorly#like the book was written in 2007 so the narrative that shooters are the bullied lonely kids who are getting revenge#was very popular in our society but in the year 2023 I think we are (very) slowly realizing that these kids weren’t unpopular nerds#majority of them are incels living in a country that makes it very easy for them to kill people with guns#and the book reallyyyyy misses this mark#like they portray Peter as this kid that was bullied for being sensitive and not a masculine tough guy like the rest of the boys#and its true boys who get bullied generally are bullied for not conforming to masculinity#BUTTT these boys aren’t the ones who go and kill people#its the ones who have deeply entrenched hatred for women and minorities and also happen to be able to use weapons#so yeah if the text was just about a kid who was being bullied and how traumatizing that is then yeah I think it would’ve nailed it#butttt when you try to convince us that this is the profile of a shooter you start to lose#also not nearly enough about gun control was discussed#like the book sends the message that if we’re all nice to each other bad things won’t happen ummmm yeah#but also even if we were all mean to each other we could minimize the amount of casualties by have stricter access to guns#like what people in other countries don’t have mean kids this is a uniquely american problem#anyways these are my grievances
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foxgloveinspace · 7 months ago
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i see some people playing this tag game where you put four of your fav/comfort characters in a poll and let your followers/mutuals decide who your more like and hot damn..... my comfort characters are uhhhhhhhh....... I don't wanna be like them k thks....
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pinkautist · 1 year ago
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you know, i was reading my childhood diary and i realized that. uhhh. the urge to write stuff down like that has never gone away. tumblr is my diary now.
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holyviolence · 1 year ago
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just reflecting on my past and realizing how shit everything's been. tw for lotsa things in tags or you can just ignore and go on with ur day <3
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leaderwonim · 6 months ago
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❀﹐𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖
pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader
synopsis: in which married couple park sunghoon and park y/n are on their way to court to divorce when they suddenly get into a car crash, losing their memories entirely. over time, they start to fall inlove with each other all over again.
genre: angst, exes to lovers + strangers to lovers (ynhoon are soulmates your honor!!) fluff
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“You are the most immature person I have ever met!” You shout, “I should’ve never married you in the first place!”
“Finally, something we can both agree on.” Sunghoon seethes, and you just know the taxi driver is uncomfortable by the way he’s awkwardly looking in the car mirror.
The both of you crossed your arms stubbornly, huffing like little children who just threw a tantrum.
The only reason why you and Sunghoon were getting a divorce in the first place was because he was so busy at his office, inheriting the CEO position from his father just months earlier.
You felt lonely, and it really didn’t help that Sunghoon didn’t give you any reassurance because he was too tired.
“Aish, why is this red light taking so long?” Sunghoon angrily mumbles underneath his breath.
“Well maybe it’s your negative energy.”
“Can you be mature once in your life?” Sunghoon snaps back.
The taxi driver, very annoyed with the both of you, continues driving when the light turns green.
Then all of a sudden, a car rams through the intersection, crashing directly into the taxi.
You scream, and Sunghoon instantly puts his arms around your frame, shielding you.
Then, all goes black.
For a second, you could see the day that you and Sunghoon got married.
It was a Sunday, at the beautiful church nearby Sunghoon’s parents house, and you were wearing what Sunghoon called the most beautiful dress he’d ever seen. It was plain white, but long and so beautifully designed that it didn’t need any other colors.
When you arrived at the altar, Sunghoon had bursted into tears. Some of his friends, Jake, who had traveled all the way from Australia to attend, patted the boy on back as comfort.
That day was nonetheless the happiest day of your life. You don’t know if Sunghoon feels the same, and looking back, it feels like such a shame that you’re throwing it all down the drain.
❀﹐
BLEEP. BLEEP.
Your body jolts awake, head practically killing you with the amount of ache it produced as you tried to sit up.
“Patient is up!” The nurse says before walking into your room with a tray. “Good morning, are you feeling okay?”
You raise your hands to touch your head, which was bandaged by some soft tissue material.
“Where am I?” You say, looking around the room. You spot a unknown man groggily getting up, and for a second, you can’t help but notice how handsome he was.
That was besides the point, though.
“You’re in the hospital.” The nurse says, smiling softly. “Do you remember the events leading up to this?”
“I.. I don’t remember anything, actually.”
The nurse still smiles at you reassuringly. “It’s alright lovebug, it seems as though you two have lost your memories.”
“Us two?” You question.
“Yes.” She points to the guy on the other bed right next to you who just looked like he woke up from death. He too looked badly injured like you, having a broken hand and bandage around his head. “Park Sunghoon-ssi was in the same car as you and got injured as well.”
Park Sunghoon. Why did that name sound so familiar?
“Well since you're both awake," she said, relief evident in her voice. "You've been in an accident. Do you remember anything Sunghoon-ssi?”
Sunghoon shook his head slowly. "No... I don't remember anything."
The nurse nodded, sympathy in her eyes. “It's not uncommon for victims to lose their memories after a traumatic accident. Memory loss can be temporary. Just focus on resting for now.”
The nurse leaves the room, leaving you and Sunghoon alone.
“She said we were in the same car together,” you say slowly. “But I really can’t remember what you are to me.”
Sunghoon shrugs. “Me either. All I remember vividly is my parents. You must’ve been an acquaintance of mine, then.”
You nod, stretching your limbs. “You got more injured than me.”
He lets out an airy chuckle, lifting his broken arm which was in a cast into the air. “Yep, broken arm.”
You want to remember so badly what had happened leading up to all of this. What were you doing? Where were you going, and why were you with this Park Sunghoon guy in the first place?
“What did you get for breakfast?”
Sunghoon breaks the silence between the two of you, and you slowly look down at the tray in front of your bed.
“Uh, the nurse got me tiramisu and oatmeal.”
“Tiramisu?” Sunghoon’s mood automatically brightens up. “Can we please switch sweets? I really love tiramisu.”
You laugh at his childlike behavior, but nod anyway. “I’ll bring it to you Sunghoon, wait.”
You don’t know why, but it feels so right saying his name. Sunghoon must’ve felt the same way, because he swore his mouth went dry at you calling out his name.
You carefully make your way out your hospital bed, making sure not to accidentally detach any monitors that were attached to you. Grabbing the tiramisu cup, you make your way over to Sunghoon, who’s already shaking in excitement.
Then you make your way back, opening the lid of your oatmeal bowl.
“I may not know what happened in the accident,” Sunghoon says. “But I know this tiramisu is so fucking good.”
You shake your head, laughing at his words. “Yah Sunghoon, you think we were best friends before all of this?”
“Maybe.” He mutters, the mascarpone cheese of the tiramisu leaving a mark on the side of his lips.
“Well our humor is alike.” You say. “Would explain why we were in the same car together. Maybe we were going out to lunch.”
The rest of the day was spent with Sunghoon and you cracking jokes then and there, the awkwardness of the two of you being strangers quickly faded.
❀﹐
The next day, you were given tiramisu once again while Sunghoon was given cookies.
You descended from your bed, once again, and gave the tiramisu cup to Sunghoon while you grabbed his bag of cookies.
“You know what’s funny?” You say, biting into the warm chocolate chip cookie.
“What?” He says, although it’s muffled from the amount of tiramisu he’s stuffed into his mouth.
“Yah, you gotta stop doing that, it’s gross.”
Sunghoon sticks his tongue out at you, which makes you giggle.
“We’re both Parks, isn’t that funny?”
“Huh,” Sunghoon looks up at the ceiling, thinking for a brief second. “Park Sunghoon and Park Y/N. That is funny.”
Maybe both of your humors are broken because you hit your head too hard during the crash, but even though you were at the hospital, you’re glad you have someone like Sunghoon to keep you company.
“Do you want to watch the stars with me tonight at the balcony?” You ask the boy, who nods softly.
“I’d love to, actually.”
And that’s what the two of you did. By the time it hit 10pm, you two tiptoed out to the balcony, making sure to not let any of the night nurses see you.
“Whoaaa, it’s beautiful.” Sunghoon says, letting his broken arm lean against the railing. “Why didn’t we do this sooner?”
You smile, leaning your head on Sunghoon’s shoulder.
“Sunghoon.” You say, voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I’m not sure what we were before the accident,” you stop for a second. “But I’m glad we knew each other.”
Sunghoon turns his head to look down at your face, his expression morphed into a genuine smile. “I’m glad we knew each other too Y/N.”
That night, you slept the most compared to the other nights at the hospital. In your dreams, you see Sunghoon—only instead of being at the hospital bed right beside you, he’s in the kitchen, wearing a black suit.
“You look nice today.”
“Thank you baby.” Sunghoon leans down to give you a kiss on the lips. “Is that tiramisu?”
You nod, your eyes full of love. “Of course, you’ve been working so hard so I decided to make your favorite.”
He wraps his arms around your waist, letting the two of you swing back and forth slowly. “Thank you my love, I seriously don’t know what I would do without you.”
You woke up in a cold sweat, the dream feeling all too real.
“What’s wrong?” Sunghoon says, and you swore your heart almost leaped out of your chest, not expecting the brunette boy to be awake.
“It’s 2am, why are you even awake?” You say croakily, hands coming to rub your tired eyes.
“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugs. “Hey, I had a really weird dream just now.”
“Me too.” You say, “you were in it.”
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t further question it. “You were a lawyer in my dream, you just graduated from Seoul University. We bought a house, and you told me you wanted to continue with your career.”
At least his dream was somewhat normal, you think. I can’t just tell him I dreamt of us being together and being all lovey dovey. He’d be thrown into a coma!
“Ah, mine was similar.”
Nice save Y/N.
Sunghoon suddenly gets up from his bed, deciding to sit at the dining table the nurses had brought out for the two of you yesterday night.
“Come sit with me.”
You slowly creep out of your bed, sitting on the empty seat next to Sunghoon.
Suddenly, you’re hit with a sudden pounding headache.
“You’re the worst, Sunghoon!” You scream on the top of your lungs, “I hate you! I hate you!”
“Stop screaming!” He grabs your arms gently, eyes directly looking into yours. “Y/N-ah, stop it.”
“So I’m Y/N to you now?” Your voice breaks. “No more baby or love? Am I just another person to you Sunghoon?”
“Of course not, why would you say that?” He pinches the bridge of his nose, taking in a deep inhale. “Let’s just talk about this calmly, okay?”
“What’s there to talk about? You are never home, you’re always cooped up in your office! We might as well get a divorce!”
Sunghoon’s hold on your shoulder makes you snap out of your daze.
“Hey, you okay?” He says concernedly, “you were breathing heavily.”
“What?” You gasp. “Yeah—yeah, I’m okay. I just think I had a flashback.”
“Really? What was it?”
You don’t want to tell Sunghoon that it was the two of you fighting. Why did you even mention divorcing in the flashback? Were you and Sunghoon something more than just friends?
“Just the crash.” You say. You want to tell him the truth, you really do, but you’re not sure if these were hallucinations from how hard your head was hit during the trauma or if they were actual flashbacks.
“Well, I’m here.” Sunghoon whispers reassuringly. “I’ll always be here. We survived a car crash together anyway, we’re kinda bonded to each other.”
You laugh, smacking him on his shoulder softly. “You’re insane.”
“Maybe.”
❀﹐
“Do you remember what your passion was before all of this?” Sunghoon asks, peeling his orange with his injured hand.
“I haven’t really thought about it,” you say, “l think I really would’ve liked becoming a mother. I love kids, the thought of them makes me happy.”
“I think you would be a great mother.” Sunghoon says quietly. “Even though we don’t know each other much, I can tell you’re loving.”
You look down at your lap, trying to suppress the bright smile forming at the corner of your lips.
“Thanks Hoonie.”
“Hoonie?”
Your eyes widened. “I’m sorry! Did I make you uncomfortable? I should’ve not—”
“It’s okay Y/N,” he chuckles. “It’s fine. I like it.”
You can’t help but laugh along with him. “Okay.”
The next few days go by quickly, with you and Sunghoon already warming up to each other.
You were both comfortable enough to speak your thoughts freely around one another, no matter how silly or ridiculous some of them seemed.
When the nurses brought you two breakfast, Sunghoon almost dropped his fork in shock.
“They gave me tiramisu.” He says, eyes glistening with joy. “They finally gave me tiramisu.”
“I don’t know why you’re so excited.” You snicker jokingly. “You’ve been eating my tiramisu this entire week.”
He turns around to look at your tray, which had a bag of snickerdoodle cookies on it.
With shaking limbs, he makes his way over, handing the tiramisu cup to you and swapping it with your cookies.
“I thought you hated snickerdoodle cookies, Hoon?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed.
“I do.” He admits. “But you’ve given me your tiramisu all week, I wanted you to have mine this time.”
Your heart swells at that, and you point your spoon at him accusingly.
“Yah, is this because you want my chocolate pudding at dinner?” You joke.
“Pffft, what? Nooo.” He quickly defends himself. “But if you’re willing to share—”
“Shut up Park Sunghoon!”
“Yes ma’am!”
❀﹐
You don’t know why, but you’re starting to feel giddy whenever you talk with Sunghoon.
Your palms does this thing where it sweats profusely, and your tongue feels like dried sandpaper.
There’s no way you like Park Sunghoon, right? You’ve barely known the guy for two weeks, so why was the heart racing at the thought of him?
“I’ve convinced the nurses to get us two bottles of coca cola,” Sunghoon says, practically jumping up and down as he entered the room.
“Really? Out of all the drinks you could’ve persuaded them to get us, you got us coke.”
“Don’t diss Coca Cola like that!” Sunghoon says, crossing his arms.
Just like Sunghoon had said, the nurse approaches the two of you an hour later, 2 bottles of coca cola in her hands. She hands one to Sunghoon, then to you.
"Enjoy." She says, smile reaching her eyes.
Sunghoon's eyes light up when he opens the bottle and takes a sip. "Ah, for some reason, this feels so nostalgic."
A little memory pops up in his head, one of him playing at the park with his mom and younger sister.
"Sunghoon-oppa! Mom says she brought us coca cola!" The young girl, Yeji, says. "C'mon! Come with me!"
The young Park Sunghoon lets his younger sister take his hand, running towards their mom who was on the other side of the park.
"What's wrong Sunghoon-ssi?" You ask, noticing how his thick eyebrows were furrowed and his grip on the bottle had tightened.
"Huh?"
"You zoned out for a bit."
He chuckles nervously, glancing around the room. "Sorry, I think I just had a flashback." He says. "Park Yeji."
"Who?"
"My younger sister." He explains. "I could see her clearly. I wonder where she is right now."
You too wondered where your family was. Maybe they were too busy to come visit you. You could briefly remember having a younger brother. Jungwon. Yang Jungwon.
"Cheers." He says, mood changing quickly. His canines shined brightly as he smiled, making him look all too gorgeous in your eyes. "To the car crash, for bringing me and Park Y/N together."
You giggle, raising your bottle in the air. "Cheers to the car crash, for bonding me with this weird guy named Sunghoon."
"Yah!"
❀﹐
"Is it weird?"
"Hm?"
It's 11pm, and you and Sunghoon face each other as you're both laying on opposite ends of the room.
"That we've known each other for only a few weeks and I already feel like I've known you for an entire lifetime?"
You smile at his words, shaking your head. "No, I feel the same way Hoonie."
"Would it be stupid to say out loud how much I want to kiss you right now?"
Your mouth almost drops at his boldness, but you quickly shake your head.
Sunghoon takes your silence as approval, sitting up to come over to your side.
He brushes the hair away from your face, leaning in to close the gap between your lips.
When the both of you pull away, you automatically lean in again, the feel of his lips on yours felt so right.
"I love you Sunghoon." You say as you cup his cheeks. "I don't want to fight anymore."
"I know," he whispers. "I love you. Cause even though we were both going down, we were going down together."
"I hate you." You say, a smile playing on your face. "I hate you for being the only person who I can't stay mad at."
"And I love you," he says. "For being there for me, always."
"Sunghoon."
"Hm?"
"I love you."
He smiles down at you, uninjured hand coming to hold yours. "I love you too."
❀﹐
"What?" You say flabbergasted.
The next morning was the date of both yours and Sunghoon's discharge, and both your families decided to come visit.
"You two were married." Your father explains, a bewildered expression on his face. "How could you not know? Was the Park Y/N not obvious?"
"I thought that was just my last name!" You say, defending yourself.
"Your last name is Yang, noona." Your little brother speaks up. It was Jungwon, the same boy you kept seeing in your flashbacks, only this time, his face looks more clear and matured. "It was before you married Sunghoon-hyung."
"You're telling me we got married and divorced?" Sunghoon says, stuttering over his own words.
"Yes son," Sunghoon's mother explains. "Well, not quite exactly. We don't know why you guys wanted to divorce, you kind of shut yourselves out when you were arguing. You didn't officially divorce yet, you got into an accident on the way to court."
That made so much sense now. The flashbacks of arguments between you and Sunghoon, the makeups after the arguments, the cute moments, everything. It started to all click in your head.
"You still share houses and everything, the lawyers had to put your case on hold because you were both hospitalized." Jungwon says. "We were here to pick you up separately, in case you weren't comfortable staying with each other."
"It's fine." You and Sunghoon both say at the same time.
"Are you sure honey?" Sunghoon's mom asks concernedly.
"Yes mom, I'm sure."
The drive home was awkward, you both drove in different cars but to the home you had bought before the accident happened.
"Noona," Jungwon calls out to you. Your parents are still in the car, looking at the scene in front of them.
"Yes Jungwon?"
"Listen, I may not know a lot about love," he says, "but I know what you and Sunghoon-hyung have is real. I could still see somewhere in his eyes that he remembers parts of you and he still loves you whether or not his memories came back or not. I could tell you love him too. I don't know why the two of you decided to divorce but I know you called me crying hysterically because of it. I just think you two needed to talk it out, without the lawyers, without the paperwork. You two are the two most stubborn people I know, but also the two most loving people I know, you wouldn't just leave each other like that."
You want to cry at your younger brother's words, tears already leaking from your eyes. "Thank you Won."
You reach your arms out to hug him, a hug that he instantly melts into. "I love you noona."
"I love you too."
❀﹐
"This isn't what we expected, huh?" Sunghoon says, leaning his head on the marble island in the middle of your kitchen. "This whole time I thought you were my best friend, turns out you were my soon to be ex-wife."
You laugh quietly at the irony of the whole situation. "Whatever we were in the past is in the past Hoon."
He nods. "I can't believe we were going to divorce."
"I can't believe it either."
"You know what my mom told me in the car?" Sunghoon sits up straight to look at you. "The reason I have a broken arm and you don't was because during the crash, I put my arms around yours to protect you. Isn't that funny? Even though we hated each other at that moment, my first instinct was to protect you."
You stay still at that, his words sinking into your brain.
"It's like the universe wanted us to be together." You say quietly.
"Hey Y/N?"
You turn around to face Sunghoon. "Yeah?"
"I'm glad I married you."
Even though you and Sunghoon aren't sure where you stand in terms of relationship, all you know is that you love him, and that is enough for the both of you.
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