#SO NEGATIVE LATLEY

[sirompp]

heres a tip.bursts into tears

[moved-mainblog]

Heads Up

I know this is a long post and I'm sorry for that but please read through it all.

After some very triggering things that happened here that led into a very very bad nightmare and almost in an anxiety attack, which both I didn't had in a very long time. I decided to do some things a bit differntly around here. It's getting harder and harder for me to come on this blog without feeling bad about certain things. And I tried to ignore it, tried to see the positive things that happened here and still happen that clearly overweight the negative things. But it's starting to get harder and harder up to the point where I don't want to come online here at all anymore. And I finally realized that's why I have been feeling so emotional latley.

So I decided to make a new blog for my RP blogs which I will only use for RP's, character building and all of that stuff. OOC stuff still will happen but not in the way it did here. This means from this new blog I won't be making any kind of feel good messages or what ever but only stuff that belongs to RP's. Which doesn't mean I won't give supportive coments or messages anymore if I see you (my mutuals) posting something. But I try not to do them anymore for people I'm not mutuals with or more like I try not to talk much with people that I'm not mutuals with.

My problem is I have a really strong helper syndrome. When I see something or someone I feel like I have to do something. Like I have to make everything better and fix things etc. even if I don't really know that person. It's almost like a compulsion for me and something that didn't always ended well because sometimes I just didn't saw where to stop before it was to late. I thought I had learned to keep this under controll but it seems like I didn't as much as I thought. It started to get really hard for me to differentiate between helping and overstepping and also in differentiating between people I'm really friends with and people I'm not really friends with. For me it's the problem as soon as we wrote a few messages together where you have been nice to me I immediately see you as my friend even if we are still strangers to eachother. I have trouble in realizing who is really my friend and who was just nice because not everyone is a bad person who wants to hurt me. I'm just so used of people being mean to me and hurting me that my brain instantly says oh you're nice that means we're friends now. In addition to that, I have a problem expressing myself correctly even in my own language and the language barrier here on tumblr isn't helping either because English is not my first language so it often happened that I was trying to say or ask something but did it in a completley wrong way so it came off completley differently than I intended. All of this has made me do things that I regret and wish had never happened like it did because I harmed people even if this was never my intention. In germany we say "Gut gemeint ist nicht gleich gut gemacht" Translated, it means something like: "Well-intentioned does not equal well-done".

It started to get really hard for me to realize there's only so much I can or should do and that it's not my job "to save the world". Through this behaviour I hurted people while trying to help others which I never wanted to happen. I tried to move on from this but there are other things like hate asks that reminds me everyday of what happened and how I hurted people I never meant to hurt. I know my behaviour isn't fair to you, to the people I hurt but also not to myself and I'm trying my best to not let that happen again. Don't get me wrong this is no ones fault and completley a me problem. A problem that I'm trying my hardest to fix and keep under controll with seperating my blogs, and as hard as this is for me, with also sometimes just looking away when I see something. I need to learn not to react to everything I see.

I know my helper syndorm is a really big problem and something that I need to to keep under controll before it starts to get everyone elses problem because this is the last thing I want but I can't do this if I'm using one blog for everything where I'm doing my rps but also my feel good stuff. I was thinking of just redoing this blog. But As I know myself this would only help for a while before everything starts again so I decided to start completley from the beginning with separating my blogs.

I'll still be doing my side blogs again like I did here so this won't change. It's just a preference for me to get some structure as I don't find tagging really helpfull and I know I won't be able to handle so many main blogs. And I'll be doing an extra blog for my feel good stuff. So if you want to see them follow this blog or tell me to put you on my taglist if you don't want to follow but still want to see them. Also as long as I don't have my syndrome under controll I will be doing personal supportive stuff only for my mutuals. I'm so sorry for everyone who isn't in a good place and has a hard tim. I really wish I could help everyone and make everything better for you. But I know I can't do this even if my helper syndrome says I need to do this. This doesn't mean if I post a general feel good post that you can't tag your people in it. Feel free to do this but I'll be only tagging the people I have the premission from to do so or people I'm mutuals with and they haven't explicit said they don't want this. I won't be tagging everyone I've been talking to here to avoid overstepping again.

For now I won't be mutuals only but this is only regarding rps and plotting. Everything else depending ooc talk I will only do with mutuals I know for a while and who I have on discord (I'll make an exception if you don't have a discord but only if we talked about this). With non mutuals I will only write through rps and the only ooc talk that will happen between us is also regarded to our rp.

I also want to deeply apologize to everyone that I might have hurt, overstepped or made you uncomfortable or mad with my behaviour. I want you to know this was never my intention and I'm so so sorry. I promise I'm trying everything to get better with this.

I know things need to change not only for the people around me but also for myself. And this is exactly what is going to happen from now on. Now that I'm aware that my helper syndrome is still as strong as it is I can be more careful and thoughtful of how I handle and approach things to ensure that something like this won't happen again. And maybe it also helps you understanding me better and why I sometimes do things that I do.

I'm tagging everyone here that I would love to keep interacting with but I completley understand if you don't want anymore after reading all of this. Just know I don't ask anyone of you to change anything about how you are doing things around here. It's me and only me who has to change and I'm willing to do that.

So yeah please just write me a DM or for those who have my discord you can write me there too and let me know if you still want to keep contact or not.

For now I won't be answering to rps as long as I don't know if you want to keep going or not. As soon as I have your answeres I'll be answering again and transfer our threads over to the new blog when I have everything set up.

Again I'm so sorry for not realizing this earlier but I was so sure I had this under controll. But maybe some of you are willing to make a fresh start together with me.

PS: Please know not everything I did and said was because of my helper syndrome. It's really important to me that you know that I really truly love you all and when I said I'm here for you if you need someone to talk I meant it and when I said I'm happy to help I meant this too. It's only about drawing the line between people I'm friends with and people I'm not and people I just got to know and realizing I'm overstepping while trying to help before I do.

If there is anything you didn't understood feel free to ask me.

@antvnger @brooklynbred @spideymn @silently-judgingyou @kyber-infinitygems @skallagrimulfhedinn @azuresrp @vekovoysoldat @notgonnabesubtle @stripesofbrooklyn @askmyocsandrpwiththem @grimmusings @sah1x1s

For everyone who has multiple blogs, I only tagged one blog of you but ofc this is also regarded to your other characters you are playing as. I just tagged one so it won't be too much.

[ghoul--doodle]

Gonna ramble in the tags real quick

[miscellaneous--bones]

holy shit my dad sucks ass

[taemincult]

 ...

[upsidedownwithsteve]

it sucks how hated eddie has become latley so i am very thankful for your blog because this feels like a safe place🥺

He has? 😯 and of course! No negativity here!

[skouliki]

i hate this actually !!!!!!!!!

[ggaypirates]

i am sturggling so much latley. like i remember when i was younger and id make jokes about wanting to die in a police shootout, or a car chase, or something dumb like that. but really i just knew how forgettable i am. how forgettable i still am. i wanted to leave my mark, and i knew i wasnt the kind to leave a good legacy. now i know i wanted to be remembered, different than i was in life. i wanted to be special, and i wanted to have as many people as possible be impacted by me. i subconsciously wanted to scar people. i wanted to hurt people so they wouldnt be able to forget me. and it hurts to acknowledge i still think like that, that i never stopped. that im crying and all i want is to feel more sad. i just want to feel something so bad. im tired of just moving about life, i just want attention. i dont care if its negative, i dont care who its from, i just need someone to be devoured by me. by how they feel about me. i want to have the choice to crush someones heart or make them feel how i feel.

[relentless-for-jesus]

Im so sorry for all the mean people that have been on your page latley.. I saw an ask about mean people and didn't know what it was referring to until I went through your page for about 10 minutes and it felt like Attack after attack.. As Christian's we are here to build one another up! Hope some positivity, grace, and joy come your way soon! God bless!

Hey! Thank you! It is okayy. I actually feel better than I thought I would about shutting anon off! It's nice not waking up to a bunch of negative messages! I guess reading them is more draining than I thought. They don't get me down really, but I think still getting them/reading them was more draining than I thought.

Thanks for the kindness. God Bless you!!

[etherwitch]

Hi! I have been meaning to document some experiences and remembered I've got this perfect lil Tumblr to do it on!

Latley my dreams have been getting vivid and particular. Different enough that I feel it's worth researching and when I do, I'm noticing a pattern. My Tarot readings have been lining up with my dreams, as well.

For example, it started off with dreams that were like a scene where I look down at my huge pregnant tummy, but I'm in the dark/bright/mirrored space I generally go when I meditate. Dreams of pregnancy can signify change from within yourself!

Another was looking over and being startled by a giant spider who sat there looking at me with inhuman little eyes that had so much to say in them but the spider didn't say a word. I didn't feel afraid of the spider either. My book 12,000 dreams interpretations by Gustavus Hindman Miller had several definitions for spiders, one which was "a confrontation from a large spider"- the definition was "to dream of a large spider confronting you signifies elevation for fortune will be swift" and "to dream of a spider suggests that you will be careful and energetic in your labors, and your fortune will amass to pleasing proportions. "

When I woke up that day I read for myself and pulled the reversed Wheel of Fortune. The definition here describes the need to act now or sit and let the world happen to you, accept your responsibilities, learn from the mistakes you've made and apply it to now. That a negative cycle in your life has finally come to and end.

Today I read for myself again and pulled two cards, reversed eight of wands- delays in plans causing frusteration- specifically if mercury is in retrograde (which it is- and my tax return for the first time has been delayed and I'm counting on it) to slow down so that in your haste you dont miss important steps. It also signifies you're getting your life in order and prepared to move forward.

Jan 1st 2020 I was so sick I didn't get out of bed or eat for about 3 days and I called my mom one day crying and thought I was going to die, I recovered fine! A few weeks later I was down for two weeks with sharp intestinal pain I've never experienced before and again, thought this could be it!

I know I need to take better care of my health and this was a wake up call to do that. Just like Mercury's last retrograde, things are making weird sense and I am feeling a giant positive boost of spiritual energy again. I'm going to document the rest of this mercurys retrograde because I find this fascinating!

[altmediabuzz]

Been waiting for this interview a long time.

Kudos to The Breakfast Club for an exellent interview. cannot wait to read her book. I remember two years ago learning about her story on social media and sharing it on social media as well .as did many of those who reached out to see how they could help make a change for the better. A lot of rachetness and BS goes down on social media, and latley theres been a lot of talk about the negative implications its recently had on our culture and society so it's nice to see social media coming together for a good cause. and so nice to see Justice finally being served for this young woman. God bless her , God bless the governor for granting her clemency and good luck to her on all her future endeavors

[recoversuggestions]

I’ve been getting real tired of people latley Perhaps I’ve been exposing myself to too much negativity but it seems wherever I go in real life or on the internet people like to trash on unimportant things and it just makes me so exhausted Why can’t people think for themselves and stop bandwagoning on hate

hey there

it’s true that there’s a lot of hate out there, especially on the internet where people feel entitled to comment on anything and express their shitty opinion and bigoted beliefs. there’s an overwhelming amount of hate and it’s really easy to get lost in it, but please don’t forget about all the positivity and love that’s out there. and you can also create some of the love! post positive things, comment sweet messages, etc. 

remember to hold on to positive things and only surround yourself with them. to a certain extent, you chose what you see on the internet.

[alternateanonymous]

Hey, what’s up. Yea it’s 4 am. Lol it’s fine. But latley, idk. I think a lot. But I’ve been thinking ab trey today. Not because I miss him or like grieving or anything. Just reflecting. Reflecting on how I could’ve been better, what I could’ve and should’ve done differently. I mean obviously I can’t go back and change things, and honestly it’s ok that I didn’t. Cuz he just wasn’t the one for me and that’s ok. I wished him happy birthday today, he didn’t respond. Maybe he blocked me, idk. It is what it is. Haha, I can tell that all the people who are his friends don’t like me. But that’s ok. In life there’s going to be people who don’t like you, and all you have to do is move on. I had a really good convo tonight with Stefan, just ab life. I also had a good convo the other nite about Ethan. I think the guys r really being able to see my wisdom in the “self progressive” aspect. I’ve always wanted to be the one to say things or give advice, but for some reason I can’t with relationships. Like I can, but obviously it’s be completely biased based off of my experiences, which really aren’t the best lol. What I know is that life is ever hanging, and I as a person am forever growing and developing and I tackle everything with an open mind. I’m always open to talk to people too. That’s what a lot of people don’t do. And that’s ok. God didn’t want the people in my life to be in my life if they’re gone right now. And they are. God gave me a great friend group right now which is a change. And I realized that I’ve just gotta fight these demons in my head. These demons that fight, cuz I know that one day I’ll be at my fullest. And once I reach that point, god DAMN I’m excited for the next mother fucker who can tie me down. Because once I find him, damn. It’s going to be fucking magical. I know I’m not ready yet, and that’s ok. I’m young and I’ve got a lot of time to work on mysel. It’s just something to look forward to. Lol, I set up a tinder just cuz. I started it like 4 days ago and have 1,003 likes as of the most recent check. It’s like actually crazy, idk if it’s bugged or something but it’s just been increasing like a shit ton. It’s not like I’m gonna do anything with it. It’s just fun to see lol. Oh and someone asked me out on a date, I said no obviously. Don’t wanna fuck up my like if concentration lol. I believe that trey hates me tho. And that ok. I live and I learn. I think that that whole group also dislikes me, because I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed them my entries. None of them have the justification to make any assumptions because this blog is just emotions. Not everything is how I actually feel in the long run, and when I judge someone I just them off their long run and not their short runs. People do that to much. Also, Mary is despicable. She posted a very rude thing on her story, and it made me uncomfortable. But then she posted something else which really made me question what type of person she’s becoming. Idk, I’m just not tryna be in that negative energy, so I’m keeping my distance. If she wants to reach out again she can and I’ll hang with her, but idk. Just not the type of person I wanna be around lol. Also, last night we all got SLOSHED!! HOLY SHIT, it was a nite. I puked for the first time since my first drink nite. It was horrible, Ethan puked, Stefan was drunk and Biv fucking almost died. Like it was scary and keara was the baby sitter lol. That’s ok tho, we survived and had a good nite anyway. Lol, it’s college I guess. Haha. Also, I’ve been having some crazy dreams. All good things tho, I also got a dream book to check things and read up, so that’s cool. Well imma hit it. Goodnight.

[senuasword]

hey guys

i’ve decided i’m going to be more positive in my life to help myself recover from being incredibly depressed and extremely sui/cidal latley so i would ask you guys to tag any negative posts as NEGATIVE or any posts with suic/ide mentioned as SUIC/IDE(without the /) including memes

i would also like you guys to help me stay positive so if i do reblog a meme joking about wanting to die or something to message me and tell me to be more positive/ delete it

i would really appreciate it 💖💖

[anuschkalova]

No Words Needed (Newt x Reader)PART 1

A/N: Okay, so here is the Newt x artist!Reader series. Most of you voted for this story and I’m glad you like the idea. So to sum it up briefly: Reader is an shy artist who lives in London, but has a hard time becoming successful. However, through an incident she meets Newt and his friends and gets the opportunity to draw the illustrations for his book. Newt and reader grow fond of each other and spend a lot of time together. But after the celebration of his published book, something happens that gets them apart...

Enjoy! :)

Pairing: Newt Scamander x artist!Reader

Words: 1,679

Part 2  Part 3 Masterlist

A sigh escaped your lips at the sight of the endless numbers on the papers.

It was the end of the month, and the bill of utility cost came on the dot, as always. You in comparison weren't a great example as you trended to pay not punctually. It was a miracle that your landord hadn't kicked you out yet, but maybe the old woman believed in you becoming an famous artist so she could preen herself with your glory.

You snuffled at the thought, letting yourself fall on your couch.

Today was a rather bad day. And you had a lot of these latley. To be more accurate, since 54 days. That's how long since you had been moving to London.   Your head leaned lazily against the leather cushion, eyes observing the passing grey clouds. A sea gull fought against the storm, but lost. It was forced to take the other direction.

You turned your gaze away and focused on the canvas instead. Most of them were painted, others were still blank. You stood up and walked over to the little table next to the entrance door. There was a bag with freshly baught paint inside.

You were so excited when you had spotted this striking navy blue colour in your favourite shop this morning. Of course you had to buy it, the shop-owner gave you an all knowing smile as you walked away with the purpose to use it immediently.

But as you arrived home you were greeted by those blocked out bills.

Being an artist wasn't easy in a big city like London. The market of successful selling paintings was huge, the chance of becoming one of them was very low.

Tiny paws tiptoed quietly over your wooden floor, the soft noise making you look up. You smiled at the black cat who eyed you curiously.

“Maybe I should start painting you... You are a very beautiful cat, ain't you?”

The cat meowed, rubbing her furry head against your leg and jumped elegantly on the window bench.

“Just think about it, okay?” You opened the window and the cat disappeared into the the grey, cold fog called London.

You took a deep breath, the fresh air filling your lungs. It blew the negative thoughts a little away. You still felt down, but that was nothing a hot chocolate could fix. So you grabbed your cout, keys and bag with your most needed belongings.

...

You had discovered this nice little café a while ago. Even though it had a shabby look from the outside with the cracks and squeky plaque that was being rocked by the wind, the inside was quiet charming. The door-bell announced your entering and you lowered your head as some curious eyes landed on you.

You took a seat close to the door with your back against the wall. It was the perfect spot for observing people. The waitress took your order and you used the waiting time to study discreetly the guests. A lot of them were familiar, but one face caught your attention. It belonged to a blonde woman. She was sitting on a table with two people, a woman and a man, both sitting with their backs to you. The blonde woman however sat opposite of them.

Your hot chocolate arrived and after you thanked the waitress you pulled out your sketchbook and pencil. You waisted no time, starting to draw the woman. Her smile was so warm and full of sympathy as she talked to her friends. Her short wavy hair bounced feathery as she shook her head laughing. You tried your best to capture her beauty. It was refreshing to witness such a bubbly personality among this stiff faces.

You didn't notice the door-bell. Your pencil shooed over the paper with precise strokes, adding shadows to give your drawing depth. You were so consumed by your doing that you let out a little scream when someone bumped into you. Your sketchbook dropped on the ground and the stranger apologized.

“So sorry, Miss, I was in a hurry.” The man was out of breath, cheeks reddened from running. You just nodded and avoided eye-contact.

“It's okay, no harm done.” You reached out for your sketchbook, but the man was faster. He picked it up and your heart stopped beating for a second.

He stared at the drawing and it only made you more nervous. He must be thinking you were a total weirdo, drawing strangers in a café. But as you tried to come up with a sentence, the man grinned widely. You frowned.

“Hey, Queenie! Darling! Look at this!” He yelled, making you wish the ground would swallow you up. The blonde woman looked over to you, causing her friends to turn around as well.

“She drew you! Ain't it beautiful?” The woman eyed the sketchbook that the man wiggled excited in the air. The other woman, who had the same haircut but in a dark colour, smiled and turned fully around. The man next to her kept his position, his eyes peeking over his shoulder, wandering between you and your sketchbook.

People started to whisper, some giggled and some followed the incident with an amused expression.

It was too much for you. Without saying anything you grabbed your bag and left the café behind with your sketchbook and untouched beverage.

You heard somebody screaming after you, but your feet didn't stop. You just had to get away. The possibility of confrontation scared you and after all, you didn't ask for permission to draw her. So, instead of facing the most likely consequences, you ran away. You hated yourself for doing it, but it couldn't be helped.

You were grateful that your apartment wasn't too far away as your legs started to hurt. Panting, you heaved yourself up the stairs, grabbing your keys from your pocket.

You smashed the door behind you, threw your bag on your couch and laid down on the floor. The cold surface was cooling and felt wonderful against your heated skin. The running had exhausted you, but it was much needed to release the anger.

“Why am I like this?”, you asked into the silence, fully aware that there won't be a response. But when somebody knocked on your door it made you jump up on your feet.

You looked over with wide eyes and held your breath. Nobody ever visited you, simply because you hadn't made friends yet. It was silent again, so you tiptoed a little closer to investigate who was standing behind your door. Maybe it was the police? The woman must have complained about you and now you were in trouble. As you were just a meter away from it, the knocking came back.

You flinched, pressing your hand against your mouth to hush any noises.

“Excuse me? Hello?”, a male voice spoke with an heavy british accent. He didn't sound like a police officer, the way he talked was too... unsettled.

You debatted wheter you should open the door or not, but in the end you decided to face your fear and grabbed the doorknob.

“Hello”, you greeted the stranger through the crack in the door. He seemed reliefed and offered you a crooked smile.

“Hello. I am really sorry to bother you, but could I come in for a second?”, the man asked and as you'd guessed, his whole body language was unsettled. This eyes went everywhere except yours, and he held a brown leather case in his hand.

“S-Sorry, but I'm not interested...”

The man met your eyes, surprised. He followed your gaze and the realization hit him as he looked down on his case.

“O-Oh no! No, I don't intend to sell anything to you. I'm just... hold on...” He fumbled with one hand into his long blue coat and held something familiar out: your sketchbook.

That's when you regonized him. He was sitting at the table with the woman that you drew.

Amazed, you took it.

“Thank you, but... how did you know that I live here?”

A quiet “Oh” escaped the man's lips as he lowered his gaze, the messy long fringe hiding his embarrassed smile.

“I may have followed you. I didn't want to scream after you and potentially scare you. I'm sorry.”

He peeked through the curtian of hair to catch your suppressed grin.

“Don't worry, it's okay. I am the one who should apologize.”

You bit on your lower lip, feeling ashamed for your behavior at the café. The stranger looked up at you, his expression puzzled, as if he had no idea what you were talking about.

Then, he offered you his hand.

“Newt Scamander. Pleased to meet you.” He gave you a short smile that revealed his perfect white teeth. The wrinkles around his eyes let the freckles on his sun-kissed skin dance.

You took his hand. “Y/F/N Y/L/N. The pleasure is mine”, you said politly. You both shook hands and then you stepped aside. “Would you like to come in?” In your head, you begged that the stranger would refuse your offer, but luck wasn't on your side this day.

Instead, the man walked straight inside your apartment, nodded as he passed you.

He came to a halt in the middle of the living-room, his speedy eyes examined every corner. You felt slightly uncomfortable, but you pulled yourself together.

“Do you want some tea?”

“Ah, yes please!” You smiled shly and disappeared into the kitchen. You couldn't explain it, but this man behaved odd. As you fetched out two mugs from your cupboard you realized that you forgot to ask him which type of tea he preferred.

So you walked back into the living-room.

“Excuse me, Mr. Scamander, but do you prefer black or gre...-” You stopped as you caught Newt riffling through your bag.

His alarmed look met your surprised one.

You pointed at the door without a second thought. “Get out! Now!”

Part 2  Part 3 Masterlist

[syuzie87-blog]

🌺Hi all! ⠀ 💡Latley I was thinking about it there is something that paralyze our success, and ofcourse there is many things that ruin our success, from our behaviour to our words. ⠀ 🎯So I found out few words that we often use and they affect our success: ⠀ 1) I know that. We can't know everything at all, you always need to live the situation. ⠀ 2) I can't afford it. This sentence really affects your ways of thinking, and your thoughts which it means a poor person mentality, instead you can say "how can I afford it" by this your brain will seek for more options and possibilities. ⠀ 🕯It's important to pay attention of what we are saying, and how we are thinking, because words have an influence on our subconscious and it could be positive or negative, depends on us, what you wish you get. ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️ (at Moscow, Russia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B35PXO1H5ZU/?igshid=1g5cjt5l9hhjt