#SO MUCH FUCKING SPOILERS LOL SORRY I DIDNT TAG

[eggyspoon]

"lmao yall ain't real btw"

Some episode huh?

[vibinglikethat]

my thoughts and feelings about jedi survivor (spoilers ahead)

ok so i've finished the storyline of jedi survivor and i thought i would express my many feelings about this amazing game (in case i wasn't obvious lol, i LOVED it.)

so the game takes place 5 years after jedi fallen order, and of course lots of things have happened between JFO and JS, one of which is the crew went their separate ways and it becomes clear that cal wasnt happy with that. eventually they all reunite and everything is nice and there is hope and then you remember this is star wars and it's set during the empire and so that hope turns to dust real quick and it's AGONIZING.

GOD i can't stop thinking about bode and his betrayal i dont remember the last time i was so fucking shocked over a character's betrayal, i was never shocked with anakin because uhhh yeah he was always meant to be darth vader lol, but with bode??? i did NOT see it coming. it especially sucks because i really liked him. and the fact that he used to be a JEDI???? THAT FUCKING SHOOK ME TO THE CORE. i feel so bad for his daughter OH my god :( she lost her parents at such a young age i want to cry (I LOVE that merrin especially tries to help and comfort her because she can relate im going to sob)

cere junda.....oh man. oh god. my love for cere is endless and im still processing her death (YES I KNOW SHES A FICTIONAL CHARACTER I CANT HELP HOW I FEEL LOL) i actually already kinda knew she was going to die because i saw gifs but i feel like i would have been even MORE upset if i didnt know because OH my god.........the darth vader and cere fight scene was SO cool though like tragedy aside i loved being able to do that omg you cant really properly fight darth in JFO and i loved that you could this time while playing as cere

god cal crying while holding her body wrecked me.....i wont be forgetting that anytime soon, if ever.

CAL AND MERRIN ARE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH im gonna admit and say i never called myself a cal/merrin shipper but i HAVE loved their dynamic and i love romance so im definitely shipping them now lol (MERRIN BEING THE FIRST TO INSTIGATE THEIR KISS.....WE LOVE TO SEE IT)

greez........i love greez :) i DO want to know what happened to his arm because OH my god wtf anyway i love that he has a saloon, good for him. this game made me love him even more. he just loves his found family :((( AND OH MY GOD HE WAS SO HEARTBROKEN AFTER CERE I WANT TO THROW UP

this is getting absurdly song omg sorry lol im sure im forgetting some things but these are the most significant moments that happened and i wont be forgetting anytime soon lol

also btw i straight up cried during the funeral scene which is the last scene that plays before the credits. the force theme played which probably contributed to my tears lol

anyway the ending was perfect, this game is perfect, the emotional devastation is perfect, the gameplay is perfect, i cannot recommend this game ENOUGH. if you like star wars and souls-like games. if you've read this far please feel free to reblog and say "so true op" in the tags lol

[danothan]

dw you didnt sound dismissive at all!! sorry for the autism moment frankly i do not know how to be concise

to be totally clear im not a "holds comics/specific runs sacred" kind of person either 😭 i have fun with the young justice show (honestly . was the first thing i saw kon in, and how i immediately fell in love with his character) even if i question the way it handled him and megs characters + relationship (i will not spoiler<3)

i absolutely also gravitate towards characters with anger so when i first saw kon in yja i was enamoured with him and i 100% get loving him as a standalone because i did and still do 😭 yja kon is Why i like kon so much now

i was rly approaching ur tags like u weren't familiar with him so im sorry for that assumption off the bat </3 and i was more focusing on how the design was reflective of writing choices that Influenced the show. i will say that comics kon is also a hot head whos dealing with shit esp in his 90s run (sb94 + yj98) and he is just. in general a fun character to read when hes being a little cocky abt it. so i do recommend reading his early stuff if he interests u :] bc hes a fun little guy whos lives in the head no matter what his iteration is

i want to say sorry if it sounded dismissive of Your little guy also 😭 i slapped the bit abt the show kon on the end bc it felt related to the general writing direction hed been going thru in the 00s (which is to say, being spearheaded by a misogynistic homophobe) LOL but to be so honest i do Like him i just have. thoughts and feelings abt the show that i got before i even read anything kon was in. im honestly on season 4 of it rn <3 i wish u luck on your rewatch

<- im a "has fun with the dcamu and video games and other adaptions of the comics and finds worth in them" kind of person anyhow ^_^ i think the fun of dcs bazillion earths and stuff is that many things abt a character can be true at once and people can find what they like in certain iterations and play frankenstein. i like. genuinely wholeheartedly agree that the comic cynicism is soul crushing lmfao 😭

ps. the cadmus tag -> earring thing haunts me every day......... i simply get so attached to his writing and how you can read transness in it<3

erm. have a good daynight<3333 sorry for a second essay

nah i appreciate the info, i don’t think i’m ever gonna shed that newcomer feel i have as a dc fan no matter how deep i dive, so better safe than sorry! this is rly teaching me a lot abt the character anyhow, so net win regardless 👍

glad to hear his hot-headedness is a constant too, it’s odd bc i don’t rly resonate with angry characters personally, but i get SO defensive abt them when ppl act like anger isn’t a legitimate and sympathetic trauma response. i have a feeling that that’s gonna apply here too

another thing i’m getting a lot here is that Smth Fucked Up is gonna happen to conner and m’gann’s relationship, and i do Not remember that when i first watched it, so that’s uh. smth to look forward to haha

i hope to get a fuller picture of the guy some day, here’s to frankensteining comic characters 🥂

[drowninginyourtouch]

i know you left this as the tags on some old post but im interested in hearing your thoughts on d-vilman crybaby especially as someone who didnt read the original manga ^_^

yo ok so i haven't actually read the manga however. i have seen devilman crybaby and its got Issues imo. i can tend to break down most of my main complaints into 4 or 5 points. it might get a bit long so imma put it beneath the cut :) also because spoilers for specific things perhaps

possesion anime in general is kind of a hit or miss concept to me. imo the only "possession"/gets powers type anime i really care for is parasyte. tokyo ghoul didnt do much for me from what i saw, havent seen csm but it doesnt do much for me either. likewise devilman just... doesnt really do it for me as far as its premise and initial set up goes (side note: does code geass count here? i have so many thoughts on that series it wouldnt fit here but regardless)

i feel bad for saying this but i really do not like devilman crybaby's artstyle. like it just does not look good to me. im okay with different artstyles but this one just looks ugly. sorry

i feel like the story is just. poor. not good. it starts much too slow for how insane the story gets on later. if you take a show it influenced (evangelion), its pretty up front with its premise up front. i know people have made jokes for years about how eva gets weird and its a bait and switch but like.... not really? like at its core it is a mecha show about kids fighting aliens in robots and even with the character study stuff it doesnt veer that far from that initial premise. devilman crybaby has... a nightclub rave where akira gets posssessed so some white boy can play god while akira does good at track? like its not a strong start and it only gets worse from there. again, i know the reason the end of evangelion ends the way it does is BECAUSE of devilman but like. they just did not execute that ending correctly at all the final few episodes feels so constrained and so much happens in such a short period that it feels like the ultimate anticlimax. its hard for me to care about any of what happens because so much happens in so little time. its worthless and makes me feel nothing as a viewer. these bitches gay! good for them. good for them. what's not good for them is the story. cuz it sucks.

this ties in with my general distaste for the story but i also feel the characters are super weak. again, i feel nothing towards them and they all feel like cardboard cut outs with little personality to them at all. it all returns to nothing so i have no reason to care about them when theyre all gonna be killed off screen in the most contrived and terrible battle sequence maybe ever. ryo is the worst offender by far. his character fucking sucks dude. i dont think he even does anything in the story besides ruin akira's life and then sit in his ivory tower and act gay until the narrative decides "actually he was Satan the whole time!!" fuck you. and fuck those rap battle dudes too your bars fucking suck

i think a final point to end this on is that it is just far and away so much worse than everything it influenced. even if i read the manga or watched the original devilman, im pretty sure the story would remain much the same. and as such, there is literally not reason to watch devilman (much less crybaby) in 2023 when literally everything that came after it is better. i realize this is kind of a silly argument given how i listen to music but im standing by it. just watch evangelion. watch parasyte. watch berserk. play shin megami tensei. consume literally anything else that isn't this trite

i think that's all my main points. im sure i had more but i wrote this over the course of my day whenever id think of something else so. if i think of any more criticisms i had and forgot i'll reblog this and amend the post. sorry it's so long i just had way more to say that i originally thought. lol

[bobzora]

replaying 5 is like *oh yeah kmshda palace is so strong...ann...* *omg yeah mdrme palace is crazy i love ysuke* *cricket noises* *futba palace soooo true...god* *cricket noises* *hehe hes wearing the silly outfit- oh wait theyre really dragging this explanation out arent they* *cricket noises* *cricket noises* *omg thirdsem......god yeah this is peak....* and then you do it all over again

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[just-some-random-blogger]

Connecting Dots

NCT Philosophy Student!Lee Donghyuck (Heachan) x Statistics Student!Reader Summary: Life is pretty depressing when you live knowing your days are numbered. Alternatively, life is pretty lit when you live knowing your days are numbered. Donghyuck is in right in the middle of both. Word Count: 21k+ Warnings: Fem!Reader, Kun x Reader (?), Enemies to lovers, mentions of death, terminal illness, suicide, LOTS OF DARK HUMOR, self depreciating jokes, dry humor, university/college au, frat boyz!NCT, drinking, smoking, cussing, typos, angst, fluff, slow burn, graphic smut/sexual themes, awkward first time, low key scamming, appealing to emotions, did i mention angst, i cried writing this yall HAHA good luck, typos, etc.

A/N: Clearly from the tags, you can tell one of them is sick (its heachan lol its not a spoiler) I denounce any illness to ever actually happen to my baby boy i love him so much i wish he lives a long healthy live AMEN periodt. I am also in no way making light of cancer or any illness. I wrote this knowing only surface level or second hand experience about real life experiences with terminal illnesses and with the thought that this might cheer someone up. do not read this is you are not comfortable with the premise. ALSO THERE ARE A LOT OF SCENE JUMPS OK BYe GEEZ I CRIED AS I WROTE THE END PART

yo i edited this twice because it didnt save RIP, but actually i think it came out better now also i made two moodboards, what are you gonna do about it, punk?

Listen to Rose by D.O

To you I offer Eternity;

I was by the bay with one of my favorite people. We were on a bench. I was sitting, she was laid down. The ocean breeze felt cool, and the ocean waves sounded calming. The said person speaks softly to me, "Can you tell me a story?"

I turn to the child whose head was on my lap. She pouts the cute way she always does while I clarify, "what kind of story?"

"One with daddy."

"Ah," I stroke her hair, "I think I told you all the stories I have with your father."

"But I like your stories!"

“Sorry Poppy,” I say, “I don’t have any other stories to tell you.”

She pouts again and hums, “what about your favorite story?"

"My favorite story? Well, I thought of one, but it's a pretty long. Do you want to hear it?"

“Yes!” 

“Are you sure? It gets kind of sad.”

"I'm sure! I'm sure!"

I shake my head and chuckle, "okay, well it starts on one ordinary school day."

"Hey," I say to my classmate in an awfully bright colored orange hoodie. He was holding a lollipop stick to his mouth. "Can I sit next you?" I ask, although I would say my tone wasn't really much of a question.

He raises a brow and shrugs. I notice the sheen on his lips and figure it couldn’t possibly be from the sugar from his candy. He must put on some lip balm. I mean, we love moisture lips. Good for him.

 He pulls the lollipop out quickly and places it right back after answering, "don't give a shit."

I pull my head back. Oooh, right in the 10 o'clock subject. Didn't know Donghyuck had an attitude.

I feel the right corner of my lip curl in amusement. I place my stuff down on the desk beside him. "I didn't peg the quiet nerd to be so snarky."

He shoots me a glare, "says the nerd who happens to be the teacher's pet."

"Oh, so you do know we've shared classes before. Two, well, 3, counting this one."

"Four. You wouldn't fucking shut up during literature."

I smile, "aw, how sweet of you to notice."

Donghyuck raises his brows at that. I pull out my notes, my colored pens, and my highlights. He observes the structure of my writing for a moment and I can’t help but feel proud of it. I had, I would say, 10/10 notes. 

He leans on his desk and bites on his candy, making an audible crunching sound, "stop talking to me, nerd."

I turn to him, "Hey, that's on you for interpreting nerd negatively. Nerds are all the rage now, having comicon, cosplaying...DnD, all catered to them.”

Donghyuck pulls what's left of his sugary stick out and continues to chew, all the while narrowing his eyes at me. I continue, "also, don't you eat lollipops every day? Diabetes is gonna kill ya."

He chuckles dryly, "good thing I'm already dying."

When he looks away, I follow, smiling to myself, "dang, I like you."

Donghyuck's eyes dart from his me to our Chem teacher, Mr. Wong.

 When the bell rings, I'm surprised by how quick Donghyuck manages out the door. I curse under my breath and shove my things into my backpack. I call out to him, "wait!"

But of course, nothing is easy in this world, and he keeps walking.

 I manage to catch up with him in the hallway, clearly to his disappointment. He spots me as he steals a glance from over his shoulder and groans. He speeds up, only to have me jog up next to him.

"Wait up! This is no way to flex that you’re just a tiny bit taller than me."

He abruptly freezes, surprising me into an ungraceful pause. He places his hands on his hips and sighs, "Am I a joke to you?"

I make a face and an oooh sound, "I like that meme too. I send it to my-" "Stop fucking following me!" he barks, raising his voice. It was honestly unexpected. I felt the burn in my cheeks after that and the stares of people passing by. It wasn't so much that I was embarrassed, it's just that it really kind of came from no where.

Alright, to be fair, I didn't really know this kid, so I didn't really know what to expect.

But true to my nature, as he glared at me before walking away, I kinda fell for him. Not in like a oh-my-gosh-marry-me kind of way, more like dang-I-haven't-had-my-blood-pumping-like-this-since-forever kind of way.

Clearly, the game plan from then on was simple. Get the dirt on Lee Donghyuck.

...wait, his last name was Lee right?

"Right," Jaemin pointed at me as I smiled at Kun for opening my yogurt. I give Kun a quick arm cuddle as he mixes his ramen in his tupperware next to me. One thing you should know about Kun is that all his lunch is prepared at home, which is why I can never dare to eat too much of anything processed around him, lest I hear his wrath.

Jaemin, who was sat in front of us, continued, "he too is a philosophy major like moi."

I shudder and make a gagging sound.

Kun scolds me without batting an eye, "don’t act like a child."

“Why would I when I detest them?”

“So dramatic,” Kun mumbles.

I stick out my tongue and go back to my original train of thought, "I think I have PTSD over that. The P standing for Philosophy traumatic stress disorder. It's just so mind-fucking."

"Says the stat major!" Jaemin blurts in offence, pulling a nasty side eye.

"Hey, there is a refined beauty in complex arithmetic and it's so darn satisfying when everything simplifies to zero," I make a face as I smile and take a bite of my yogurt and pre-cut apples I had prepared in a duckie themed lunch box. "Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Honor Roll?" I turn to my best friend.

Kun gives us both a knowing look and nods silently in agreement.

It was Jaemin's turn to shudder, "the human brain truly is such a wonder."

I raise a hand at him, "hey, remember, I'll do your stats, you do my philo."

Jaemin takes my extended hand and shakes it, "deal."

Kun quickly swallows the ramen he was chewing, "no one is doing anyone else's homework! Not in this household."

I give him a sour look and humor him with a rapid nod. I then turn to Jaemin, then asking him what I was actually interested in, "so, Lee Donghyuck. What's his deal?" 

For a second, Jaemin thinks, "well, he's usually snarky but otherwise pretty quiet. He's actually a frat memb..."

Jaemin falls into silence. I give him a moment but get impatient halfway through. I raise a brow at Jaemin's trailing tone, "what gives?"

"Dude..." he says in a softer tone compared to his prior one, "did you make a diabetes joke at him?" Jaemin asks, face falling into seriousness.

"Why? Does he have diabetes?"

Jaemin releases a breath, "he has cancer."

Kun and I pull back at the information. For a second, I debate whether Jaemin meant the star sign, but based on the look on his face, I'm pretty sure he meant the illness. Also, he as far as I remembered, his philosopher's ass detests astrology n' stuff. Oh, and right, he says has cancer and not is a cancer. Good job, me. 

"Woah," I say in shock, "he really wasn't kidding about dying."

Kun quicky snaps at me and calls my name out in a warning. There is a thick and tense silence between us. Well, about as silent as it gets in a full cafeteria.

 I look at my apple slices and take one. I dip it my yogurt at point it at Jaemin, "I still think he's pretty cool though."

Kun turns to me with an incredulous look, "You missed the part where you say you're going to apologize to him for being insensitive,"

I turn to him, "How could I be insensitive when I was just being myself?"

Kun looks at me like a grew another head.

I roll my eyes, "I didn't know he had cancer."

Jaemin makes a pained face and hisses, "babe, that's literally what insensitive means."

"Listen, Webster Dictionary, the only person that should be schooling me for word meanings is someone who actually studies words." I catch a woman in a cute lil’ plaid skirt walking over to us. I pat the table and motion at her, "much like the lit student."

She gives her kilowatt smile, repeating, "lit student?"

Jaemin turns to the said person and smiles back, standing and giving her a quick peck on her lips, "hi baby.”

"What were you talking about?" she asks.

I ignore her question and point, "Sana, I think you should know your boyfriend is cheating on you. He called me babe a while ago, supposedly to prove a point, but I know he was just trying to get into my pants.”

Kun rolls his eyes. Jaemin sighs. Sana pouts the cute way she always does and turns from me to her boyfriend, "is that true, Nana?"

"No, she was just asking me about a classmate," he starts. Jaemin then whispers something in her ears, which makes Sana cover her face, giggle, and smack Jaemin's chest. I clench my teeth in disgust, "I bet 20$ this fool just said he only wants to get into her pants."

Kun slurps up some more ramen. Jaemin turns to me as he rolls his eyes. Sana covers her giddy expression again. "If there's nothing else, we'll be going now," he says, wrapping an arm over his girlfriend's shoulder.

 Sana beams and waves at me then Kun, "see you two later."

"Later nerdz," Jaemin says, doing a peace sign before walking off.

Kun gives them a wave goodbye. I call as they leave, "You're too good for him, Sana!"

"Can you not?" Kun says more than asks.

"No," I say simply.

"But you can try."

"I can't believe I can do that either."

Kun sighs.

  After lunch, Kun incessantly reminded me to prepare some sort of apology to Donghyuck for my unintentional insensitivity, quote, 'regardless of it being unintentional or not, it could have really hurt him' end quote, as he walked me to the library.

Knowing me, it falls flat to my ears. But with Kun knowing me, he did a good ol' fashioned, I'm-going-to-tell-your-mom-and-you'll-never-hear-the-end-of-this line. I begrudgingly had to agree, since my mom was going to visit my dorm this weekend to bring food over and I really don't want to have to deal with more nagging. Kun was mother enough. It was no wonder why my mom, or any mom really, liked him so much.

Anyway, after doing our secret handshake and wishing him to fail his quiz in biology, he headed off to his class and I headed into the library to do some homework, and work on that apology, ugh.

 BUT!

It wasn't my fault I saw Donghyuck there by the world history aisle in a yellow hoodie and yet a lollipop still in his mouth. His lips reflected some light due to his lip balm.

I practically jumped when I saw him. I hastily made my way over and sat down in the vacant chair in front of him.

"Hi Donghyuck ," I say, making him turn from whatever he was working on, to me. I pull my notebook and text book out. He pulls out his earphones and his expression falls. I pull my pencil case and writing materials onto the table. I begin to work on my calculus homework, starting a new page with pink ink and mint green highlight.

Donghyuck speaks, "nice notes."

I look at the page that was open and smile at the pastel colors on it, "it's a specialty of mine."

Donghyuck shows his yellow pad and I see his unintelligible writing. I visibly react to it as he says, "here to show off?"

"No."

"Then fuck off."

I sigh, "I knew you were going to say that, but here me out. I have this friend Kun and I told him you're pretty cool. I also mentioned that I made a diabetes joke, which lead to you doing a death joke," I raise my hands, "which, by the way, was pretty funny."

Donghyuck adjusts in his chair.

  "Anyway, he told me to apologize since we found out you have cancer and stuff --though I really don't see a need for it."

He raises a brow and drops the pen in his hand, "you don't?"

"No, I don't. I think you and I have pretty similar sense of humor, and you made a joke yourself," I give a contemplating look, "And, I mean, I meant it when I said we all die anyway."

There is a moment of silence.

I suddenly correct myself, "although, if life was a race, you're probably like the Usain Bolt, you know?"

Donghyuck stares at me blankly.

"YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?" Kun looks at me with wide eyes, absolutely flabbergasted.

I flash him a wide smile as I hop around him, "I told him he was like the Usain Bolt of dying!"

Kun pulls his head back, flashing some double chins. He looks absolutely mortified as he calls my name.

I laugh at him, "KUNNN! It was fineee! We’re on the same wavelength! He even invited me out to a party at his frat house!"

"NO!" he says in horror.

"What do you mean no?! I have a new friend, this is so exciting! I'm finally going to have someone who doesn't nag me like you do, or flaunts their disgusting cutesy relationship in front of my face!"

"Dude! You are both messed up! I can already imagine the stunts you two are gonna pull. Plus, I don't think it's healthy for him to be around someone that could unknowingly be encouraging suicidal thoughts."

"Kun, he's not suicidal, he's terminally ill."

He full on snaps, "and you are taking this far too lightly!"

I reel back at the nerve I hit and raise my hands in surrender. "Geez. I get it. Dude, I don't actually want anyone to die."

"Good."

"Maybe except myself."

If we were in a cartoon, Kun would be animated with a bunch of bold, red symbols right now, if you know what I mean. He continuously barks at me and I profusely state that that was, indeed, just a joke.

"Don't go to that frat party," he warns.

"But Kun, I already promised."

"Consider this a promise meant to be broken then! Call him and tell him you changed your mind."

I think about his words for a second and decide to agree.

Of course, in order to call Donghyuck, I would first need Donghyuck’s number. Alas, I do not have his number. So what do I do? Go to the frat party to get his number. Duh.

The venue was a whole concoction of smells of sweat, alcohol, and what I could boldly assume to be marijuana, hopefully the legal kind. It didn't really help in my search that the place was so awfully congested and large, and lit under this ridiculous indigo light. Luckily, in my side quest for air, I found my way into the not-as-crowded kitchen and there I found this tipsy pretty boy.

"Hey there," he said to me.

"Are you a frat member?" I ask.

He leans by the counter and bobs his head around in a yes, I think, "Kim Jungwoo."

"No one asked. Have you seen Donghyuck?"

"Yahhh," he exhales a strong alcoholic scent, "he was out there playing beer pong without the beer. It was just po-"

I head back out to the sea of people, looking for a pingpong table. It wasn't that hard to find. I just followed the sound of cheering and people yelling 'chug, chug, chug,' and eventually found who I was looking for.

Donghyuck was there cheering with a bunch of dudes. He was wearing a hoodie again, but this time it was in a shade of blue. He seems to have run out of lollipops though.

"Donghyuck," I call to him loud enough and wave.

Him, as well as the guys around him, turn to me when they hear this. They make a deep, rising sound as Donghyuck walks up to me, "you're here."

I nod, "I said I would come."

"Cool. You want a drink?"

"Sure. You want a lollipop?"

He turns to me as we push through the crowd. He grabs my wrist as he leads us off, "why, do you have one?"

"No."

He was already turned away before I replied, but I like to think he chuckled at me when I said this.

It doesn't take long but the travel out of the crowd was pretty treacherous. We wind back to the kitchen and Donghyuck opens the fridge to hand me a beer. He gets himself a soda, it seems. 

And if you were wondering, pretty boy was no longer here.

Donghyuck opens the bottle for me then opens the soda for himself.

When he hands me the drink, I ask, "do you not drink alcohol?"

"Well, I'm on meds so, if I want to overdose, I could, but I'm trying not to disappoint anymore than I already do. That's like on my top 10 worst ways to die: dying a disappointment."

I huff, "hear hear," then take a swig of bear. I hiss.

Donghyuck examines me for a moment, then raises a brow at me, "dare you to chug it."

Without a second's thought, I go, "hah! You're on."

The task was not easy, but I had done it once before. I could take a whole bottle of beer, but more than that I’d start to get drunk. I tilt the bottle up, and try not to taste it as it rushes down my throat. I basically drink the pain away.

I hiss and hold the bottle upside down to show my victory.

Donghyuck seems both impressed and not all at once, "you're more compulsive than I am."

"Well, you gotta live on the edge when you know someone who has cancer."

Donghyuck releases a chuckle, it seems, a little harder than he expected to. He motions his head to the side, "follow me."

He brings us back to the sea of people. He grabs my wrist midway again. We eventually manage and make our way up a flight of stairs. We continue walking until he chooses one of the doors in the hall and opens it. I figure it's his room. He motions to his bed. I decide to sit down and he follows, placing his soda on his desk, sitting down on the desk chair, rolling it over in front of me.

In truth, it sinks in I should probably be pretty nervous in this scene. I was alone with a frat boy in a hoodie, who's scent I had a faint whiff of when we walked into his room. I faintly heard him lock the door on our way in too, only because it wasn't as loud up here. Now I was sitting on his bed in front of him.

What's more was I decided to wear a beige, floral dress to the party, clearly not getting the memo the dress code was itty-bitty, skimpy and tight. I looked like one of those painted-to-be Madonna girls who finds a bad boy to lose her virginity to. It was unintentional; I genuinely just liked this dress. Also, I don't really plan on losing my virginity to him.

Yet, I don't really feel nervous or scared. Not that I thought he couldn't take advantage of me if he tried. I have first hand experience of boy strength because of Kun. And he's taller than me, though, again, not that much. It wasn't that I was dumb enough to believe just because he was terminally ill, he couldn't possibly chose to do anything to me either. It's really kind of just how he has these moles on his lightly tanned face, how he has strong brows, albeit his soft expression, and how he always had moisturized lips. I just... felt like he wouldn't

Donghyuck tilts his head, "so?"

"So," I repeat.

For a moment, we say nothing.

I quickly remember, "oh, I need your number."

"My number?" he raises his brows and crosses his arms.

"Yeah, I promised Kun I would call you and tell you that I won't go to your frat party and I can't do that without your number."

He knits his brows. He opens his mouth and peeks his tongue out in the corner. He swivels in his chair and gets his phone from his pocket. He turns to his phone and asks, "what's your number?"

I begin to recite it by heart. He punches it down and calls it. I pull my phone out, seeing an unsaved number. I answer, "hello?"

There's echo and feedback. We both pull our phones away. I lower my volume.

"This is Lee Donghyuck," he says.

"Hi. I was calling to say I'm not going to your frat party."

He knits his brows, "why not?"

"Welp, my friend Kun thinks I might encourage some suicidal tendencies."

The playful glint that he had in his eyes falters. He hums and nods in agreement.

I continue, "anyway, I did my part for him now. Bye."

I pull my phone away and end the call. I begin to save his number.

Donghyuck watches me. He shakes his head and sighs, "you're crazy."

I turn to him and coo, "Aww, thank you. That means a lot, coming from you."

He chuckles, "So what? You have a crush on me or something?"

I raise my brows and scoff, "bold of you to assume. I say you're cool once and it inflates your flat head."

He breaks into a laugh, "hey, which one of us is in a stranger's room?"

"Nah, but you're not a stranger. We’ve shared four classes together. Plus, I've decided to make you a friend."

He purses his lips, "I don't want to be your friend though."

"Why not? You like dark humor and self-depreciating jokes, so do I. You even invited me to your stinky frat house."

Donghyuck crosses his arms as he chuckles. He spins on his chair while replying, "and you said yes."

"I literally just covered that I want to befriend you because we're alike. I'm kind of up to here with Kun's nagging," I raise an arm all the way up. I bring my arm down to raise a finger, "plus, Jaemin and Sana make out a lot."

He raises a brow, "you're friends with Na Jaemin?"

"Where do you think I found out you had cancer?"

He sniffles, "hmm... so you were asking around about me?"

I roll my eyes, "what part of wanting to befriend you did you not understand?"

He does not respond to this. He continues to spin on his chair. 

A moment passes, when he asks "why not kick them to the curb?"

"My friends.”

“Since you hate them so much.”

“Well, then what? Be loner?"

He halts his spinning to raise his brows at me expectantly. 

I shake my head, "I might not be the biggest people person but I don't actually want to be alone. It’s fun when I can make jokes and people don’t look at me like I’m crazy. Also, I don't like eating by myself. It makes me both look and feel pathetic."

He hums, "that's why I joined the frat."

I raise a hand, "point proven."

"How'd you befriend Jaemin though? That dude only hangs out with his girlfriend."

I snort, "he sucks at math. I like math. I looked for a study buddy on the school website, someone to help me with my other subjects. In return I’d help them with their math. Yeah. Jaemin helps me and I help him, plus his girlfriend Sana's in lit, so we all help each other out. Other than that, it’s been me and Kun since forever."

"I'm guessing he doesn't help you with your homework."

"He does, but he's just too smart for his own good, and I can't vibe with him if it's outside numbers, you know. It's an insult how he can't dumb down to my level when we talk about anything else."

"He's a math major too?"

I nod, "the psychopath is double majoring in statistics and economics, just cause he can. It seems fun, but I would like to graduate without aging 100 years, thank you very much."

"You two seem very close," he leans on his legs and moves left and right on his chair, "considering you still did what he asked you even though he didn't want you to come to my party."

I nod, "Yeah. He's one of the few people that can actually tolerate me, plus, I'm pretty sure my mom likes him better than her own flesh and blood in the son-I've-never-had shtick. Ya feel me?"

He hums, "childhood friends?"

"Worse, our moms are childhood friends. I basically have no say in this friendship."

He lets out an airy chuckle.

He spins around again for a minute. I close my contact list with my new log named 'DUNGHYUHAHA'. I turn to him then ask, "what about you? What's your deal? And why'd you invite me?"

He stops moving. He then turns to me, licking his lips. He straightens in his chair and rests his elbows on his thighs. "Well," he looks to the side, "you're right. We're pretty similar."

He leans back, "to be completely honest with you,” he chuckles, “your humor is refreshing. People around me are normally too scared to even be near me, in fear of breaking me or something. It’s why I stopped making friends a long time ago. The only reason why I'm in the frat is because most of the dudes here are too drunk for personal relationships, or too horny to be real with anyone. They could care less about me, y'know, minus the times they visit me in the hospital. It’s a nice mix for me."

He looks off to a pile of clothes in his room, “Sorry about the mess in my room. It’s normally just me and my cousin here, no cute girls.”

I feel my cheeks burn a bit at the insinuation.

Donghyuck realizes this then clears his throat, changing the subject, “Yuta’s another reason why I can stay here too. He’s in med, and was tasked with the side job of making sure I stay alive.”

I shrug, “Free XP.”

He chuckles, “sure.”

“And don’t worry about the mess. I live alone and yet my dorm looks like two frat boys live in it too.”

“Ya,” he points, “that’s offensive.”

We share a chuckle. 

He sighs, turning to me with a soft expression. He purses his lips, “I’d like to be friends with someone who doesn’t looks at me like I'm a walking handicap. Like trust me, I think know better than anyone where you're coming from, but I'm not like those sorry assholes whose lives are literally on the line."

He looks at me silently for a moment, as if to measure my reaction on what he said. I pout and ask, "did another cancer patient steal your soup or something? Is that why they're an asshole?"

He snorts and rolls his eyes. The tension in his shoulders relax slightly, "yeah, no, this dude that I sometimes share rooms with always got extra dessert because he supposedly had only one more month to live or some shit. They say that about him every month though. It's pretty sus."

We share a laugh. It wasn't too hard but it was enough to melt the remaining tension in the air.

"I'd be pretty pissed too if I had cancer and didn't get extra dessert."

I claps his hand and points at me, "Right? The world is so cruel."

From then on, I began to see Donghyuck a lot more.

I tried not to mix oil with water, since Kun was still pretty hesitant about me spreading my disease to him, which is funny, cause aside from skipping exercises, I'm as healthy as a horse. As much as possible, I tried not to schedule the two of them together, just for now. Kun was normally too busy to have an opening with Donghyuck and I anyway.

Normally, I would hang out with Donghyuck whenever I had vacancies without Kun, which meant we fully went wildin'. It started out as a running gag between us, but we began to take advantage of his cancer to get discounts whenever we could. We had to play it up to get a reaction though, as in make him look more sick. 

I mean, think not about what cancer has done to you, but what cancer can do for you. Admittedly though, there were times we mutually began to feel bad for our victim and just bought whatever it was we wanted.

It was then that I realized Donghyuck did put on lip balm to mask the paleness of his lips. He was a bit embarrassed about it at first, but I assured him it wasn’t a big deal. I mean, don’t we all want soft lips? He eventually grew comfortable about it around me.

On this particularly balmy afternoon, we decided to go to this supposedly popular restaurant by the bay. I had never heard of it before though, and neither of us had gone here. It made for a perfect target cause our rule is to hit the place once, hit it hard, and never to show up there again. I'm talking make them pity Donghyuck so much they pay us for eating there.

Anyway the name of the place was Blue Lagoon. Talk about SpongeBob rip off, right?

"Are you going to Jaemin's birthday party?" I ask as he eats his lobster dish.

He shakes his head as he just devours his plate, "absolutely not."

"Why not? Isn't your entire section going to come?"

"Yeah and they're all going to walk on eggshells around me. I told Jaemin thanks but I'd rather die than have our class make it weird for me."

"Yikes, they probably had a near death experience of their own when you told them that."

Donghyuck chuckles, "tell me about it."

I continue with eating my food.

He asks, "are you?"

I disagree, “Kun's mom is visiting that weekend."

He nods knowingly.

"Is everything alright for you two so far?" a waitress asks us as she approaches our table. We both turn to her and smile, "yeah, so far so good."

"As good as a cancer patient can get," Donghyuck says as he stuffs his face with garlic bread. He begins to choke on it slightly. I give him a look and hand him a glass of water, "ewww, just because you’re dying doesn't mean you'll die if you get any manners."

Donghyuck takes the glass from me, downing the bread with a big gulp, "apologies."

I turn back to the waitress. She looks like she just saw a two headed dragon. She forces a smile, "Right! I came here to tell you that your food is on the house and that the owner of the restaurant wants to give you both some dessert for being so enthusiastic about the place."

Donghyuck and I cheer, sharing a fist bump. He smiles, "that's great. Thank you."

"You're absolutely welcome sir. She would like to request a photo to put to our customer board as well. Would that be alright?"

We give each other a look and wind up nodding. We turn back to the lady as I answer, "that's fine."

"Great. Would you be needing anything else?" she asks, turning to the both of us.

Donghyuck takes another bite of his food before answering, "A cure for cancer?"

The woman tries to suppress her eyes from widening. She doesn't hide the minuscule reaction though.

"I'm kidding," Donghyuck chuckles, "you've done a lot to humor us. Thank you."

The woman releases a shaky breath and smiles, "of course, you both have a nice meal."

On the train ride back to our dorms, we stand in the crowd of passengers and wind up pretty close because of this. In this context, Donghyuck just looks like your average college student, with his lip balm and his hoodies. You would never know he was sick if he doesn't tell you himself.

Other than the hidden paling of his lips, he remedied by lip balm, and the body pain that springs up, he said he didn’t really have any other side effects. 

I watch him lick his lips and remember how he told me I was right about the lollipops. Although it comforted him because he would get lollipops after his treatments as a kid, he said he should lay off them, lest he add another thing to his list of things to torture his mom. He didn’t want to beat cancer just to deal with diabetes.

I notice that his hoodie has a loose thread on it. I pick it off then ask, "how many hoodies do you have?"

He doesn't seem to notice me as he's staring off into the distance. With how I'm basically a few inches away from kissing him, the only reason why he wouldn't hear me is if he was wearing earphones. From beyond the hood he had on his head, and the hair covering his ears, there I saw the pod in his hearing shell.

I tap his face. He whips his head to me in surprise. His eyes were slightly wide, brows slightly high, and lips slightly parted.

I ask again, "how many hoodies do you have?"

His eyes dart from my lips to my eyes, "30."

I raise my brows then quickly knit them, "30?"

He watches my lips again. His own curve upward into a smile. He shrugs lightly, "cancer perks."

When the train stops at one station, a lot of passengers go down, giving Donghyuck and I newfound ample room between us. He takes this opportunity to remove his ear pods. I take this opportunity to hand him a lollipop, out of courtesy.

He looks at it for a moment, “didn’t you say this was bad for me?”

"Yeah, but I won it in class for being a teacher's pet. It’s special, like you."

He chuckles, turning to it and taking it from me, "what subject?"

"Statistics. Duh. Mr. Suh loves me."

"I'm sure he does."

He opens it and eats it. He shoves the wrapper into his pocket. He turns back to the distance outside the window. I however keep my eyes on him, "It's your favorite flavor, right? Watermelon."

He turns back to me. He doesn't say anything in reply. That's when I noticed his ears turned pink.

I can't help but chuckle and roll my eyes teasingly. My chest flutters at his reaction, "don't flutter too much. I only know cause you smell like it."

His tongue fiddles with the candy in his mouth. He turns to his feet. He looked like he was about to say something, but doesn't as then the train arrives at the next station and the space begins to get a little tight again.

I scooch over close to him again. This time the stick in his mouth was threatening to poke my face.

Donghyuck catches the plastic in his fingers, moves it to the side of his mouth, then cuts the rod with his teeth in one go. He then casually brings the plastic into his pocket. I gawk at him, "how'd you do that?"

He raises his brows, while he plays with the ball of candy in his mouth, "experience."

I make a face at him. 

He winks. 

I lightly punch his stomach.

I panic when he makes a pained sound.

He suddenly chuckles, “my cancer is on the other side.”

I punch him again, harder, only this time on his shoulder.

"You and Donghyuck are getting pretty serious," Kun says as he pays for our convenience store donuts. I grab my share and narrow my eyes, "you say that as if we're dating."

"Well, you talk about him like you like him."

"I do like him."

Kun takes a bite of his donut, "romantically?"

I raise my upper lip at him, "the way I like you, moron."

He chews on his snack and swallows. For a moment, there is an pause between us. Probably not the best choice of words when you and your best friend tried dating in high school. It feels slightly awkward but Kun speaks up through it, "you're treading dangerous waters."

"Kun-"

"No,” he sighs, “just stop and actually listen to me for a moment. I'm not saying you should stop hanging out with him because... because... you might get hurt if he dies,” he makes a pained expression, ”but I'm saying you should understand what you're getting yourself into."

I turn to him and take in his expression, "Kun."

"Don't Kun me," he quips coldly, "you’ve always been like this. You enjoy the thrill of diving head first into everything, but for once, just stop, look, and listen. Not for me, not for Donghyuck, but for yourself. You're going to get badly hurt if you keep running with this."

"So...” an idea clicks in my head, “I should walk."

Kun clicks his tongue, "I swear to g-"

"No. I'm being serious Kun," I nod, "I'll walk, slowly."

And so I tell Donghyuck this when I get to our shared chemistry class.

"You're going to walk slowly with me?" he questions while I swap the pens I was using to build my new page of notes on metal elements.

When I turn to him, I find his eyes glued on my notes, "yeah."

He leans back in his chair, "you should just stop hanging out with me, especially if it gets too much."

I pull back at this statement, not enjoying how he said this as simple as the jokes we crack each other. I quip back, "I'm no wimp."

He chuckles dryly, "It's not about being a wimp," he licks his canine, "it's about me not wanting you to remember me that way anyway."

I scowl, "what? Being annoying and condescending? I'm pretty sure you're going to have to revamp your entire personality for me to remember you any other way, Hyuck."

He doesn't reply and scratches his nose.

Mr. Wong asks what brass is. I raise my hand when no one wants to answer, "an alloy." He sings me a quick praise and continues with the lesson.

Donghyuck chuckles and crosses his arms, "show off."

I smile back at him and turn back to my notes, "if you're jealous, be reborn as a smarter guy. You're pretty close to the end anyway."

He watches me write for a moment. I doodle a beaker on the side of my notebook. I can feel his hand rising up with the to mess up my writing. Without looking, I threaten, "if you even think of messing up my notes, I'm bringing you straight to the after life."

He chuckles, "you might regret that," he rests his head on his hand, "but I hope you won't."

I finally turn back to him, "regret getting my revenge?"

"Joking about the time I have left." He doesn't really give me a chance to retort when he casually asks, "could you help me with my stats too?"

I turn to him and grin, thinking about the more activities I can do in my favorite subject, "absolutely!"

He pulls back in surprise and breaks into a laugh, "wow, and you called me a nerd."

"Again, that's on you for taking it as an insult."

He shakes his head in disagreement and smirks.

"Do you want to join our study group. We usually meet up every Wednesday morning cause it’s the time we’re all free."

"Hmmm, I don't think I can join at that time. Also I actually have this homework due tomorrow. I don't think I can wait all the way to next Wednesday."

"Oh, well, you can join us at lunch! I’ll help you then." I say in a cheery tone.

He looks at me for a moment, "you're finally letting me meet mama Kun?"

"He's not that bad. I’m kinda just dramatic."

"You? Dramatic? Pssh, never."

I shove him playfully. He gives me a look and smiles, "okay, but if he gives me shit for eating cookies for lunch, I'm leaving."

I hiss, "I'll tell him to shut it."

He chuckles.

When we get to lunch, Kun is as formal as ever, shaking Donghyuck's hand and offering half of his homemade sandwiches to him. Donghyuck declines but I readily ask for it.

Kun raises a brow, "I literally made you a whole sandwich and you still want to cheat me. You have packed berries!"

"What's your point? You were willing to give up the half to Hyuck, and he doesn't want it, so I am stepping up for him." I then try to get the other half from him.

He blocks my move by raising his elbow and clicks his tongue, "you are unmerciful. He only has cookies, which is why I offered."

"And I only have one chicken sandwich. You have a beef stroganoff."

Kun continues to swat me away, but knowing it wouldn't last long, I persevere. I eventually get my way and the half of the sandwich. I immediately take a bite of it and butt my head to Kun’s shoulder, "thanks, Kunnie."

He sighs and nods his head, "whatever."

"You can get half of my chicken sandwich."

"I don't want a chicken sandwich, which is why I made myself a beef stroganoff," he snips.

I take another bite of the half I stole from him and nod, "fine, here, you can have it back."

He eyes me, "mmm, how thoughtful of you."

"You're welcome."

At this point, Donghyuck finished his third cookie while watching.

I turn to him, quickly remembering, “oh right!” I take a bite of my sandwich and pull out my statistics notebook. I then get up and sit next to him. He pulls out his homework and I open my notes, showing him an example I had.

Donghyuck’s eyes widen, “dang, your notes look like a whole text book.”

I break into a wide smile as I turn from his notebook to mine, “thank you. Honestly, I only used to work on my writing to one-up Kun, but now it’s become a passion of mine.”

“I can see that,” Donghyuck says.

I take a bite of my sandwich and point, “this is easy.” I chew and swallow, “I’ll try what I do with Jaemin and tell you the answer so you can work for it.”

“Wait,” Donghyuck turns to me in astonishment, “you already have the answer for this?” 

I shake my head, “like I said, it’s easy.”

“I solve faster than her mentally,” Kun notes, making me chide, “no one asked Kun.”

I finish my sandwich just about the same time Donghyuck finishes his homework.

"Ah, Donghyuck," Kun says, "I hear your nickname is full sun."

Donghyuck looks bewildered. His mouth opens and he slowly stutters, "how... do you know that?"

"I mentioned you to one of my patient-friends and he said you did treatment in the place I volunteer at. "

I raise my brows, "oh, you do treatment in St. John's? I've never seen you there before."

Kun snorts, "you act as if you volunteer regularly."

"I volunteer!"

"Once in a blue moon."

"Volunteering is volunteering, Qian Kun."

"Yeah, but I volunteer regularly and still don't expect to know everyone in the hospital. Besides, not every patient is signed up for the NCIT partnership integration."

I catch Donghyuck's uncomfortable look and shake my head, "hey, don't worry. He didn't start volunteering because of you or anything. He used to be in the boy scouts and volunteers for fun."

"I'm still in the boy scouts," he notes.

"And so every summer I am reminded by your troll children."

"Ya! I don't you not to call them that."

"And I said not to take it personally cause I think all children are trolls!” I turn to Donghyuck, “did you know children think it’s okay to sneeze in front of people’s faces?”

Kun looks ready to pick a fight, “Jisung did that on accident one time cause he had a cold!”

I roll my eyes and revert he conversation back to the original topic. "What was your nickname again?" I ask Donghyuck.

Kun answers, carefully, "full sun, right?"

Donghyuck scratches his nape, "Haechan. It means full sun."

I smile from ear to ear, "that's so cute!” I place a hand on my chest, “I for one believe I deserve to be called Haechan as well for the sunshine I spread through my sarcasm."

I prop my elbows on the table. Kun goes out of his way to shove them off. I glare at him. He looks away and pretends nothing happened. He turns to Donghyuck, "when you don’t need help with your homework, do you normally eat lunch with your frat brothers?"

Donghyuck cleans his mouth with his tongue and begins to nod, "sometimes. Most times it's just me."

I frown, "heyyyy, you can always eat with us if you're alone."

He chuckles, "thanks but unlike you, I like to eat alone sometimes."

"Yeah, but I’m saying you don't have to, okay?"

Kun looks at me and smiles softly. Donghyuck looks between us and nods, a smile breaking onto his lips, "thanks."

From then on, Donghyuck began to eat with us every lunch. He seemed to grow a lot more comfortable around Kun and removed the initial filter he had with him, matching up to my humor again. Kun did nothing but helplessly laugh it off. 

Eventually, the three of us (four, counting Jaemin; five, counting Sana) found a comfortable rhythm between us.

It was why I immediately texted him when I didn't see him in class today. At first, I didn't really think much of it, even when he didn't reply. But when I told Kun about it and he gave me that warry mom look he has, I couldn’t shake the worry that crept up my spine.

This was why I was so distracted while I worked on my homework alone in my dorm later that day.

Not even doing math with my favorite song kept me from thinking of Donghyuck. So when Rose by D.O got interrupted by a text notification, I practically jumped.

From DUNGHYUHAHA: slr. i had a treatment schedule today

I let out a breath of relief after reading it. I quickly reply back.

To DUNGHYUHAHA: it's ok! i was just wondering. i only began to worry when kun gave me that worried look he always has

It takes him a moment to reply.

From DUNGHYUHAHA: dont worry about me

From DUNGHYUHAHA: im called haechan because im as powerful as the sun  😎

I break into a smile and reply quickly.

To DUNGHYUHAHA: absolutely

I contemplate for a moment, typing then erasing my message multiple times. I eventually decide to say it anyway.

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i don't know if you'll like this but

To DUNGHYUHAHA: oh gosh i dont even know how to say it

From DUNGHYUHAHA: i knew it, ur in lov w me haha

To DUNGHYUHAHA: no

To DUNGHYUHAHA: like

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i want to send you virtual encouragement

To DUNGHYUHAHA: like

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i wanna tell you u can do it n stuff

To DUNGHYUHAHA: yeah

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i probably shouldn't have. sorry hyuck

When he doesn't reply, I begin to feel bad and really, really stupid. My heart practically leaps when I hear a notification from my phone.

From DUNGHYUHAHA: thank you

The next time I got to hang out with him, we went to the supermarket because I had to restock on my things. I normally did this with Kun but I was with Donghyuck and we didn't really have anything else to do, he agreed we could do my groceries together.

I wash pushing the cart. Donghyuck was walking in front of me, attention alternating from his phone to where he was walking.

When we pass some home decorations and fake flowers, I reach out for a plastic sunflower petal and tell Donghyuck, “You know I really like getting flowers because the first time I did, there was chocolate hidden in the middle.”

Donghyuck, who had been randomly documenting our trip, raised his phone facing me. He notes as he takes a photo, “got it, flowers.” I promptly pose. With how he held his phone up, I found that Donghyuck had a lollipop wrapper pressed between his transparent phone case.

I break into a smile, “you save your lollipop wrappers?”

He pulls his phone down then turns to me with knit brows, “what?”

“Your phone case?”

He turns to his phone case. His jaw drops and he wipes his lips, accidentally smearing the balm. He fixes it and turns to me, “ah... no, just the one you gave me.”

He looks away but I catch the red on his face. I break into a smile and grip the cart tightly, “I must be special huh?”

“Shut up, you know you are,” he mutters.

I feel my own cheeks burn and I place a hand on my face.

He clears his throat, changing the subject, “I...” he drags out turning back to me, “have always wanted to name my daughter after a flower.”

I turn to him as he explains, “all the people I’ve met with flower names are so sweet and kind, so...”

I simply nod and he looks around frantically. He clears his throat again, “I know I probably won’t get to be a dad though.”

“Hey,” I call, “you never know. You said you were responding well to the chemo.”

He nods, “yeah, but they’ve been saying that for a while and it keeps coming back.” He places a hand on his side, “I barely have a liver left.”

“Well, if you have the energy to annoy me, I think it’ll only be time before cancer calls it quits.”

We make our way deeper into the place, winding into the baking aisle.

He snorts, "I can see why you do this with Kun. You clearly have no idea what you're doing, nor any control for that matter."

"Hey," I say as I get some dark baking chocolate and put it in my cart, "Kun actually encourages me to channel my energy into something productive. Doing the groceries is just that, rather than... say, encouraging someone's implicit suicidal tendencies."

He chuckles, "ouch, you could just say he doesn't like me nor you hanging out with me."

I shake my head and push my cart, "he likes you, Hyuck, he really just doesn't like my sense of humor."

He nods and looks at some of the products on the shelf, "agreeably, you can be pretty dry."

"You know, I would kill you if I knew you weren't already dying."

He makes a challenging face, "ooh, I just hope a Karen hears you and tells you off. That would literally add 10 years to my life."

I watch his playful expression. I casually agree, "let's go look for a Karen then."

Donghyuck and I make it to the other aisle when he realizes what I just said. He was midway in getting a box of corn flakes when he froze. I ignore this for the most part, but then he suddenly speaks up, "don't... don’t do that."

I turn to him and raise my brows. For a moment, I think of playing dumb, but I decide against it, "but I like being around you."

His brows twitch. He places the cereal box back. 

This is the perfect time to note that today was one of the rare days he wasn't wearing a hoodie. He was in a grey shirt with the university logo on it. It was in that split second he wanted to hide his hands in his hoodie pocket, but as he had none, he clenched his fists instead. "We should stop hanging out with each other."

I immediately shake my head, "Sorry no refunds."

Donghyuck expression contorts, "I'm being serious right now." 

"I'm being serious too.” I turn to him, unable to mask the hurt in my face, “I would like to be around you for as long as I can no matter what, okay?"

He shakes his head. He begins to step back, "you don't understand. If you saw my friend who went bald because of the chemo, you wouldn't want to be with me."

"Donghyuck," I call, and walk over to him. He raises a hand, making me stop. I shake my head, "I told you, I want to walk with you... slowly. Please walk with me too."

"But..." he whispers, "you can't fall in love with me... not when I’ve fallen already." The second part of his sentence was too faint for me to distinguish.

I sigh, only having one part of his statement, "you know, at this point, you should know that I have a knack for doing the exact opposite of what I'm told. I think you should ask me with your whole chest to fall in love with you, so that I don't do it."

He grabs my hand and looks me in the eyes, muttering softly, "please fall madly and desperately in love with me too."

My breath hitches. My palms get clammy. My heart races. I am so shocked I nearly don't realize that he said, "too?"

He looks defeated. He releases me and covers his ears. His face begins to redden. He steps back again and he exhales, "I have to go."

He turns about and begins to jog away. I watch in shock but find my legs instantly running after him. A thousand things start playing in my head, but one thing was clear to me, I couldn't let him get away because I knew it wouldn't ever be the same between us if I did.

In my panic, I grab him and lock my arms around his torso. My heart was racing as we froze in the middle of a soup aisle. I started feeling out of breath, "wait, please don't leave me."

He calls my name in desperation.

"Just walk with me, please," I mutter.

He grabs my hands in front of him, "I already tripped and fell."

"Then get up and walk with me... until the end please."

"Excuse me, can you please move," a stern voice from our right calls impatiently. We immediately break away and I make sure to drag Donghyuck to our cart. I find that he was wiping away his tears. I examine his posture, thinking if people had clouds over them, his would be raining.

I note the grumble of the woman who passed us and crack a smile, "see, 10 more years."

Donghyuck wipes his eyes and pipes up softly, "I don't have ten more years."

I grab his hand, urging him to look me in the eye, "Donghyuck."

He releases a breath, "this is why I always wear hoodies. I tried something different cause... you make me want to try new things, but... this sucks..."

"Haechan..."

This makes him turn to me.

He wipes his face with his wrist, “You can probably tell I keep that wrapper because I like you, right?”

“Hyuck, I like-”

“Don’t say that. There’s no point in it when my days are numbered.”

"It's knowing our days are numbered that makes time precious. Just let me be part of whatever time you have left."

I bring my arms around him, glad he doesn’t reject it. I place my hands on his head, "I'll be your hoodie for now, okay?"

He only stands there for a moment, but then he wraps his arms around me and sighs.

A lot of things were going through Donghyuck's head after this happened, and you might be surprised to know most of them lead to Kun. Things between everyone was fairly normal after the supermarket incident, but nothing was directly addressed so there was something just hanging up in the air.

On one of Donghyuck’s treatment, he got to see Rose who had been restricted to a wheelchair and lost all her hair but still smiled from ear to ear.

"Your mom has work today?" Rose asks.

Donghyuck turned to her as she finishes her treatment. She turns her wheelchair to him as he smiles, "yeah, she has an emergency at work."

Rose nods, "my mom has work today too. I'm glad you're here today."

"Me too, Rose."

She was another reason why Donghyuck like flower names.

Rose gasps in excitement, "Oh, I don't think I've ever introduced you my newest boyfriend because you're appointments are usually in the morning and he comes by after his classes."

The nurses laugh at this, not in a mocking way, but in adoration. He nods at the 13 year old, although he knew that she didn't really have a boyfriend and this was most definitely another nurse or the volunteer she thought was cute.

"What the new guy's name?"

"Qian Kun," she smiles softly.

"Kun?" he asks, "does he go to NCIT?"

"He does! Is that your school too? I keep forgetting."

"Yeah, he's actually a friend of mine. We eat lunch together."

She makes a sound, "wah! Consider me jealous, oppa." She pouts.

"Ya, Rose. I was your first boyfriend, why don't you remember I go to NCIT?"

"Sorry oppa," she says, "we already broke up though."

"Still, I'm your first love."

She gives a cute look, "sorry."

The nurses laugh again. The nurse who worked on Rose turns to him, "tough luck, kid."

Donghyuck chuckles then sighs, "are you going to go your new boyfriend today?"

"Yeah. I just have to wait for nurse Minseo to bring me down."

The nurse working on Donghyuck told him he was done with his treatment. Donghyuck stand and shakes his head, "I'll take you."

"Really?" she beams, "yay!"

Donghyuck gently pushes Rose down the hallway. They get into a lift then make their way down. When they reach the hospital's outside garden, Donghyuck is immediately faced with a bunch of teenagers with different sorts of patients. It’s slightly overwhelming for him, since he normally sees the place before dawn when is nearly empty for his appointments. This was the only time his mom was available, so when she wasn't with him, Donghyuck opted to treatment after class. No point in going to the hospital so early.

It doesn't take too long for Rose to pick out her boyfriend. "There," she points and giggles. Donghyuck sees him playing guitar to a group of patients and heads over.

Once they get there, Kun was seemingly singing the last verse of what felt like a Chinese love song. He couldn't actually tell, as he did not speak Chinese.

The crowd applaud. Donghyuck pushes Rose closer to Kun. When Kun notices them, he gives a surprised smile as he stands from the park bench he was sat on, "Hyuck! Rose! Fancy seeing you here together."

"Ya, I’m her first love,” Donghyuck says.

Rose shakes her hand, “you’re my boyfriend now, oppa.”

Kun chuckles, “one of the many.”

“Consider me impressed yet again by your many talents, Qian,” Donghyuck states.

Kun smiles softly and bows, pushing the guitar he had strapped on behind him.

"He's just perfect, isn't he?" Rose swoons.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck says, letting the two of them catch up. He decides to wait for Kun and head back to campus together.

On their walk back, Kun asks, "Now that I think about it, how are you living in a frat house?"

Donghyuck understands what he means, "My parents house isn't actually that far from here, which is why my parents even let me go to college in the first place. And my Aunt's stepson, Yuta, is actually a frat brother. He's also a almost a doctor and my roommate, so I'm his responsibility on top of residency. Fun right?"

Kun watches as Donghyuck kicks a rock, "He has to babysit me all cause I want to experience a normal college life."

"I'm sure he doesn't think of it that way, much like I don't think of you any less of a friend, though I worry for you."

He chuckles dryly, "I don't want anyone to worry about me though."

Kun smiles, "I don't worry for you anymore than I worry for our mutual dark humor loving friend."

Donghyuck feels his breath hitch, "speaking of...” he turns to his shoes, “I've been thinking about her a lot."

Kun nods, "when you hang with her as much as you do, I would be shocked if you didn't."

Donghyuck looks at his fond expression, knowing it was because of her that he looked this way. "You still like her, right?"

Kun turns to him, expression dropping.

"She told me you dated in high school but broke it off because you both thought you worked better as friends."

Kun sighs and chuckles, "Yes."

Donghyuck watches Kun's face. Kun realizes his confusion and clarifies, "I mean yes, it was a mutual decision. You know how she gets, how she acts on impulse from time to time and has no filter. She's just such an adrenaline junkie that I can't keep up." Kun shakes his head and then purses his lips, "and yes too. I... think there will always be a small part of me that likes her. She's my weakness, more because she and I literally grew up with each other, I think."

Kun looks at Donghyuck's deflated expression. He slaps a hand on his shoulder, "but I know she likes you, and I know you know it too, Hyuck, as much as I know you like her back."

Donghyuck chuckles bitterly, thinking this guy truly was truly everything you could ever want to have and be. Kind, understanding, patient, a model of health. No way he could ever match up to Kun.

"It's pointless though. I'm sure you understand that, since you told her to slowly walk with me."

He pulls back, "Dude, I never told her to walk with you. I told her to understand what she was getting herself into. She came to that herself."

Donghyuck knits his brows softly upon hearing that.

Kun chuckles, "do what you must with that information. I'll be here, for both of you."

From DUNGHYUHAHA: do you want to go to a frat party with me?

From DUNGHYUHAHA: also did you change my contact name yet?

To DUNGHYUHAHA: yes and no respectively

From DUNGHYUHAHA: 🙄

From DUNGHYUHAHA: pick you up at 6

I hear a knock on my door. I open it and I see Donghyuck holding flowers and wearing a pink hoodie under a suit jacket. His eyes scan me as he softly says, "Hi."

"Flowers?"

He smiles, "Irises, no chocolate in the middle though. I’m on a budget.”

I chuckle as he hands it to me, “It means hope, as I was hoping to tell you something important tonight."

I smile and get the bouquet from him, "well were you hoping to say it before or after I put these in a vase?"

"During?" he mutters.

I nod and invite him in, "leave your shoes off by the door."

"Yes mom," he says like every other time he's been in my place and taken off his shoes.

I roll my eyes as I give the irises a smell.

"You look really good. Maroon is definitely your color."

I turn to him and raise a brow, "you told me that when I wore grey sweatpants. I'm honestly a little upset I get the same reaction for dolling up in a cute lil dress."

I head to the kitchen of my tiny dorm.

"Trust me, words can't explain how immaculate you look," Donghyuck says as I grab one of my pitchers with left over orange juice and give it a rinse.

I chuckle and feel my cheeks burn, "that's more like it." I place the irises in the pitcher and prop it by the window sill.

Donghyuck's eyes examine the room and he lets out a soft chuckle, "I still don't understand how someone with perfect notes-- color coordinated, lined and bulleted and all, has such a mess of a dorm room."

I point at him and pout, "hey! What's in here," I bring my pointer and middle finger to my temple and tap it, "is far more important than what's" I motion to the general surrounding, "out here. I'm pretty sure I would be go crazy if I didn't do my notes like that."

"I thought you were already crazy though?"

I cross my arms, "I'm starting to think you don't like me."

Donghyuck chuckles and steps forward, "believe me," he pushes me back, "that's the furthest from the truth."

I fumble back and hit the kitchen counter. I make an ungraceful sound on my way. It snaps Donghyuck out of his trance, it seems, as he reaches out to keep me steady, "sorry, sorry. I don't know what got over me."

"Hopefully something good," I mutter.

After a moment passes, Donghyuck looks me in the eye and releases a breath, "Do you still want to try this with me?"

I raise my brows, watching as his soft lips quiver. 

He breathes in deeply then leans in and places a kiss on my lips. It lasts for two seconds before he pulls away to give me an embrace. He crouches down so he could rest his head on my shoulder. His arms around me hold me tightly in place, "I want to walk with you slowly, while holding your hand, while laughing with you, while crying. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to call you baby. I want to spend the rest of my life with you-" 

The initial shock that prevented me from moving wears off and I finally hug him back. We adjust in the embrace as he whispers, "-no matter how long or short is left."

My lips part and I quietly say, "You might regret that if you end up living to be a hundred."

"A hundred years of torment sounds good as long as its by you."

"Dude, I do not pray for your soul everyday just to have you go to hell on my watch."

Donghyuck pulls away with a chuckle, "you pray for my soul?"

I nod, "I pray... that if I can't have you for a hundred years, then at least you'll live somewhere you don't ever have to hurt again."

Donghyuck knits his brows at that. I bring my hands up to cup his cheeks, "but to answer question: yes. I want to walk with you. Yes as long as pi."

He smiles, "I'm glad you called me nerd."

"I'm glad you called me nerd."

"... can I kiss you longer this time?"

I nod.

He licks his lips and leans down, pressing his lips on mine. It’s just as thought as I’ve always imagined them to be. My entire body ignites into warmth and electricity. My hands run down his nape and rest by his shoulders. His hands pull me in by my waist.

We savor the warmth between us for a good while. He pushes me back against my counter and bring his hands down my thighs. His hands are burning hot against my exposed skin. He pulls away to mutter, "did I tell you you look so sexy in this dress- in any dress- in anything?"

I kiss him back after scolding, "stop talking." Donghyuck pushes closer to me, bringing me up my counter, finding himself in between my legs. I wrap them around his waist. I begin to nip at his lower lip. He lets out a sound that makes my stomach swirl.

I dig my thumbs into his coat collar and push it down. He readily throws his coat off, then catches my head in his hands.

He pulls away and begins to kiss my neck.

I pant, "my makeup is ruined."

“We’re not going to the party anymore,” he mutters quickly as he sucks on my skin.

I moan and pull him even closer to me, “good.”

Donghyuck brings his hands down by the hem of my skirt. He slowly brings his hands up, making goosebumps form on my skin. I curl my toes up and whisper, "Donghyuck."

He catches his lips in mine again. My hands fiddle with the end of his hoodie. My hands begin to find the bare skin on his torso. His hands skip all the way back up to my waist.

I break away this time to kiss his temple, airily telling him, "I want you to take this off." I pull his hoodie up by its hem gently. Donghyuck doesn't waste time and rips it off of him, throwing it off to the side with his coat. He doesn't really give me an opportunity to bask in his beauty, but I do catch the muscle build of his arms and the firmness of is stomach.

I can't really complain when his lips meet mine again.

We continue like this for a long while. It's nice, but I want more.

"Donghyuck," I say, pulling away, only to have him kiss me again. He hums and pecks at my lips intermittently. I hold his head in my hands, "I want to move to my bedroom."

Again, he leans in to kiss me, then grabs my hand, leading me off into the bedroom. He gets on my bed and pulls me up close to him. In this moment, I see my lipstick was smeared all over his face. He looked dazed and so, so, pretty though. 

I'm sure I looked like a with all the colors on my face smeared around but I really couldn't bring myself to care right now. And it was as if he heard my thought that he suddenly spoke up, “you’re so beautiful.”

My stomach swirls as he kisses my neck quickly. He rests on his knees as I sit down next to him. He brings his hands back to my face and begins kissing my lips again.

We climb up to my bed. I wind up lying on my back. He hovers atop me with his resting by my right.

I push him away and he flutters his eyes open. I whisper his name again. He pushes my hair back and nods, "yes?"

"Help me take my dress off."

"Baby," he calls, making my stomach drop and burst into butterflies, "I know where this is heading.”

I feel my cheeks burn so I joke, “you don’t have to flex you’ve been with other women before me.”

He sighs in defeat, “You know that’s not what I mean.”

I kiss him again and he breaks away, “we don't have to do anything."

I nibble the inside of my lower lip, "but I want to."

"I still have time, I promise."

He begins to kiss me softly. I kiss him back but then push him off, all the way off, making him topple over on his back. I take this opportunity to climb on top of him, "it's not about time... it's about me wanting you, needing you, now."

Donghyuck lets out a moan as I move on him. He grabs my hips and looks a warning look, "baby please. Don't you want your first time to be more special? I can plan it so it'll be more memorable."

"Anything with you is memorable in and of itself, Hyuck."

Donghyuck groans, "you're really making this hard."

"More ways than one," I squeak softly.

Donghyuck props himself up on elbows then sit up. He adjusts me on his lap and kisses me while his hands work on the zipper of my dress. He pulls it down halfway, "last chance baby. It'll be hard to stop me when I begin to hear you squirm."

I feel myself begin to pulse at his words. He peppers my neck with kisses and wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and think for a moment, I try to think about the consequences, but all I can really imagine is Donghyuck kissing me like this.

"I'm sure, Hyuck," I whisper by his ear.

Donghyuck immediately pulls away to zip my dress all the way down. He then pulls my dress off over my head. when he digs his fingers into the sides of my cycling shorts I suddenly realize something illusion shattering. I didn't shave absolutely anything. Not my legs, nor my armpits, especially not my-

this was a bad idea.

I try to play it off. It was pretty dark in my room anyway since we didn't put the lights on. Donghyuck quickly unhooks my bra and throws it off.

I whine his name out when his hands begin to knead my breasts. My hands dig into my sheets by the side.

He pulls his hands away and pushes me off by my hips, giving me a kiss as he does so. He pulls my shorts down and I feel my heart race. I step out of it and he kisses my thigh before standing up and saying, "Lie down, darlin'."

I do just as he says and feel conscious when he doesn’t take his eyes off me. I wrap my arms around my chest. He chuckles as I watch him as he pulls out his wallet from his pants. "Like what you see?"

I nod, making him laugh. "You know how to boost a man's ego."  

He wasn't molded into pure muscle, but he was beautiful with his bare chest exposed. In this moment, I can faintly spot the scar on his belly. On impulse, I sit up and reach for it. He freezes as he looks down on me.

I still had an arm over my chest when I places a kiss on his skin. He lets out a shakey breath and brushes my hair back. “I got it,” he calls, showing me a packet out. He places it in between his lips and I sink back down when I  hear him work on his pants. My eyes wander away as I note, “you just have that with you?”

He chuckles again. I feel my face burn and I cover my face. I hear a wrapper opening then the quiet of my room. 

“Some people say it’s good luck. I’m just trying to cash in as much luck I can get.”

The bed then dips and Donghyuck grabs my legs, hovering in between them. He rests his stomach on my pelvis. I jolt up and squeal when I feel his belly vibrate against my core when he laughs another time. He pulls my hands away from my face, "I think you're past the point of being shy, no?"

"I should have never told you I haven't had sex before."

He chuckles again and I whine, “I don’t really know where that’s coming from, but okay.”

“You just look so smug!”

"Because you’re so fucking hot. What would change if you hadn’t told me anyway. I can clearly tell from the way you react to me.”

I don't really have time to respond when he suddenly behinds moving down. My heart practically stops, and I grab onto his shoulders, "don't go down there."

"Is it haunted?"

"I didn't shave."

"Neither did I, and you don't seem concerned."

"I didn't look."

He laughs again, "I know you didn't, but even after telling you, you still want to fuck me."

I punch his shoulder, "don't say it like that."

He laughs even louder, "sorry, sweetheart, I mean make love."

He examines my nervous look and kisses my jaw, “I don’t know if this will help, but none of the women I did it with didn’t shave either.”

I catch his eyes and find myself relaxing a bit, “how many women did you do it with though?”

“Really? Now?”

“I take statistics! The numbers never lie.”

He rolls his eyes, “well let me go into detail then. My first time was with my first love and I had two girlfriends after that, so it would be 4 if you let me finish.”

I turn away from him to compute the average of this, if you take into consideration the general popu-- I yelp when he begins to move down again. I wrap my legs around him tightly and grab his face, "Donghyuck, please!"

"Cutie, don't worry about hair, okay? Everything about you is beautiful and I'm so fucking hard right now, you don't even know," he kisses my chin, "I can feel you pulsing and I really want to make you scream my name the right way."

"Donghyuck..."

He shushes me, "just say my name when I make you feel good, okay? No more protesting. And actually, try not to be so loud.”

Without another seconds notice, I gasp and Donghyuck is right in between my thighs. My heart is racing. He pulls my underwear off and I try to close my legs, which honestly was just smushing his face.

He chuckles and places either of his hands on my thighs and pushes them away. I cover my mouth with both my hands. He speaks up, "remember what we talked about, honey."

He places his tongue on my core and I groan onto my hands. Him chuckling against me was only making my reactions worse. Donghyuck reaches for my wrist then pulls my hand away, "come on baby, don't be shy."

He pulls my hands away from my face and I humor him but still do my best to suppress my noises as he kisses me. I can't help but writhe and squeak and Donghyuck can't help but feel so smug.

"I can't tell if you like it if you don't say my name."

I whine out his name

The hot breath of his chuckle hits me, making goosebumps form, "Atta girl."

From this point on, I do nothing but squirm and call his name out. His tongue begins to move inside of me and I begin to feel like I'm about to explode. I want to call for mercy, but I can't seem to form coherences anymore.

His lips begin to move outward, back to my thighs. He begins nibbling on my flesh. I catch my breath. He then climbs back up, and meets me little over eye level. He grinds my hips on mine, making me yelp all over again. I pull at my sheets. With his arms on both my sides, he remains propped up and smirks, "you're so adorable."

"Donghyuck."

He kisses the crown on my head, "wrap your arms around me."

I do just that and he shifts his weight atop me. He groans when I dig my fingers into his skin. He then adjusts himself between my legs and kisses my jaw. He lifts himself up by his knees and pushes into me. I let out a broken sound and he moans against my neck. His hot breath was trying to burn me.

"Does it hurt?"

I breathe in and out, "It feels big."

He nibbles my skin, "thanks, but does it hurt?"

"A little bit, I’m not really sure. I mostly feel stretched out."

He chuckles again and I moan out, instantly making him moan too.

"Fuck, you feel so good."

I whine and nip on his ear lobe, "are you going to move?"

"So impatient," he teases, "in a minute, I just want to keep you safe and comfortable."

"I know," I kiss his cheek.

When he begins to move, it feels like we were slipping out of time. Goodness knows how long he bucked his hips back and forth until we reached a comfortable rhythm.

Donghyuck sheds his teasing nature and begins to match my unintelligible sounds at some point. He did find time to call my name out in the same way I manage to call out his.

I begin to feel my feet tingling and my stomach tightening. For a moment I feel like he could do absolutely anything to me and I would like it. He could spit in my mouth or tear me in half and I would thank him. I call his name out over and over again. The lewd sound in the air was drowned out to my ears by the noises that came out of my mouth.

I couldn't hold in my moans at this point even if I tried.

Donghyuck began to pick up the pace.

My breathing began to get ragged. Donghyuck’s hand on my thighs began to tighten. My fingers dig deeper into his back. His teeth were digging into my neck.

The tension between us is climbing so high. Then suddenly it just burns up and bursts into a million pieces.

Donghyuck works on the moment for as long as he can before ultimately going down as limp as me.

We both catch our breath. Donghyuck moans as he kisses my neck. Neither of us move for a long while and I enjoy the feeling of his weight on top of me.

With his chest pressed up against me, I felt so nice and snug, fully in bliss.

I now understood everyone wrote about sex.

I whine when he moves off me. Suddenly I feel so bare and empty. "Don't worry your pretty little head, I'm still here. Good job."

"I don't feel like moving," I say, making Hyuck nuzzle up against me and kiss my cheeks, "I know baby girl and as sexy as you look like that, I don’t think you’d appreciate the consequences of sleeping with makeup."

My eyelids are heavy but Donghyuck’s urging tone gives me the strength to make my way out of the bed and to the bathroom. It feels like how you feel walking after you got off a rollercoaster or a boat, familiar but also not at all.

I wash my face and brush my teeth. I suddenly feel the urge to pee, and when I do, feeling the stickiness in between my legs, this haze over my head evaporates and I realize I just had sex with my... friend.

I wash up and squeal when I hear Donghyuck say, “I managed to change you bedsheet in your minefield.”

It doesn’t even occur to me why he did that, “Donghyuck! A little privacy.”

I full on breaks into a laugh, “I was just inside of you.”

“HYUCK!”

He laughs and raises an arm defensively, “Alright.” He opens the sink, “I was the one that stripped you naked, remember?” I grumble and run back into the bedroom to hide under my covers.

Donghyuck soon comes running after, “JAGIYAAAAAAAA.”

I don’t respond to him and he laughs as he makes his way next to me. He literally jumps into my bed, really falling off. I gasp in concern, “you moron!”

He chuckles and turns to me, “I’m okayyyy!”

He gets under the blankets and snuggles close to me, muttering, “we have to sleep really close together cause your bed is super small.”

“Like your brain.”

“But not my dick, huh?”

I make a disgusted sound and begin to elbow him. He wheezes in amusement and grabs my arms, pressing me down, “Okay! Okay. I’ll stop.”

He presses his chest against my back, keeping a safe space between our lower bodies. He moves rubs his head against be affectionately and squeezes me against him, “you did enjoy it, right?”

I scoff, “you’re already cocky as it is.”

He laughs obnoxiously, “you do know what that insinuates right? But you gotta stop being shy eventually so I know what you like. I gotta make sure I die knowing I’m the best you ever had.”

“Hyuck-”

“Okay sorry,” he kisses, “go to sleep. We can talk about this next time.”

“Bold of you to assume I’d do this with you again.”

He forfeits the laugh and kisses me, “I can show you how persuasive I can be.”

The next day as I blink my eyes open, sunlight barely meets it. I breathe in and stretch, whipping my head to my left side when I don't feel Donghyuck next to me. I shift from under the blanket, seeing Donghyuck was sitting on the side of the bed blocking most of the view of my window. He seemed to be still fully stripped naked judging by the bareness of his back. I remember digging my fingers in his skin, but it seems to not been as hard as I thought it was considering how smooth it was.

He had a phone to his ear when he turns over to me when he feels me shift.

He smiles as he replies to whom he was talking too, "no I know, I know."

I smile back at him and whisper, "good morning." I feel my morning breath come out. He brings his phone to the other side of his ear. With his now free left hand, he brushes my hair away and sends me a kiss through the air before turning back around. I reach out to him and draw hearts on his back. His body twists and he lets out a soft sound because of it. I’m rubbing and poking him for fun at this point. He continues replying to whom he had on the line all the while.

Even his back was pretty. He had a straight line separating the left and the right of it and had not a blemish or mole in sight. I bring myself up and rest my cheek on his shoulder, embracing him from behind.

He places a hand on mine and finishes off his conversation, "Yeah. Okay, eomma. I love you too."

He puts his phone down on the desk next to my bed and he turns to meet me, "good morning."

I slap a hand on my mouth, making him stop and pout. I mutter behind my hand, "I haven't brushed my teeth."

Donghyuck makes an annoyed face and pulls my hand away, placing a quick kiss on my lips. He then jolts up and shoves himself back down against me, resting his weight on my body, "oh no! I'm dead cause I kissed you when you had morning breath."

I make a face. As he looks at me, he matches my expression. My lips curve into a smile, "you know I've always wanted to draw on my boyfriend's back."

He smiles softly, then fully flaunts his teeth, "so last night when you were ripping my skin out was your way of asking me to be your boyfriend."

"No, I didn’t leave a mark on your skin," I deadpan, "also, I was just telling you that I imagined connecting freckles on my boyfriend's back and making my own constellation. You don't really have freckles on your back, and that's kind of a problem."

He scowls, "I hate him."

I break into a laugh, "but he's my boyfriend!"

"I want to be your boyfriend!" he whines and lets out an annoying sound, "please don't tell me to plan something. Not now. I'll die if I wait any longer."

I roll my eyes, "please you're so dramatic."

"I have cancer! I'm allowed to dramatize my impending demise."

"Fine," I say, "you can be my boyfriend with your freckle-less back."

Donghyuck purses his lips and clenches his fists, "Yes! I'll grow freckles on my back or tattoo them."

I shake my head, "don't even try. It won't be the same."

He whines, "I'll never stop thinking about your fake boyfriend. Ever."

I snort, "I can put glitter on your back and make my own constellations." He catches my expression and smiles, “I love you.”

I still and smile back, “I love you, Hyuck.”

He leans in for a kiss. I shake my head and giggle. I lightly slap his lips, "I'm going to brush my teeth and shower."

He immediately perks up and grins, "I'm coming with you."

I pull the blankets up cover myself and shake my head profusely, "absolutely not, Hyuck."

He whines like a child and slaps the bed. He brings a leg up to the bed as he turns his body to me, "YaAaA! I wanna shower with you though."

"I'm not ready for you to see me in day light."

He punches the bed, "I saw everything already! I have night vision. I was inside of you."

"HYUCK STOP SAYING THAT!"

“IT”S TRUE THOUGH,” he throws another tantrum, "come on pleassssseeeeee."

"Donghyuck, you don't even have any clothes to change into. Maybe you should take a shower at your place."

He reels back, jaw dropping, "are you kicking me out?"

"I'm not ki-"

"Wah, I can't believe you’re kicking your boyfriend out 10 seconds after saying I love you," he clicks his tongue.

"I'M NOT KICKING YOU OUT! I'm just being rational."

Hyuck shakes his head, "Rational? Says the girl who tried to buy ice cream from a child."

I growl, "I shouldn’t have told you that either! It was an experiment, alright! To see if someone that age could understand the value of money."

"And yet if you hadn't known the kid or her mom, it would just be labeled pedophilia."

I purse my lips, "you know what, I am actually kicking you out."

He strikes his chest with his fist and throws himself back down on me, "remember you’re kicking out someone who's got a life cycle of a butterfly."

My eyes suddenly look for the scar on his stomach. It was a lot bigger than I pictured it in my head. I look away when I begin to look a little lower. I clear my throat and  raise a brow, "if I give you a pass now, I'll keep doing that forever, so you have to keep listening to me."

He raises his upper lips, "how bossy."

"That's sexist."

He sighs, "you're sexy."

"False equivalence."

He sits back up and shakes his head, "fine. I'll shower at my place and run back here. Only cause I am, like, so fucking in love with you I might have heart cancer." 

“Haechan, please.” 

He points and glares at me, "if you kick me out next time, I'm going to cry."

I cant help but bring a hand to my lips and break into a laugh.

"Ya! Am I a joke to you?"

I shake my head and throw myself at him, giving him a hug, "no. You're my full sun."

He smiles, "good."

The next thing I knew I was constantly kissing Donghyuck.

Everything was pretty hazy, since it feels like I get drunk on his lips. We did walk slowly together, holding hands, in the park, in the mall, to class, to lunch, to my dorm, to his frat house. It was pretty good exercise and pretty romantic, all things considered.

We also watched movies almost every night, and did other things on some. What? I mean homework.

We would go to the library together and he would make me do his notes, to which I would both take joy in doing and would be really stressed with.

We had fun like the best of  friends, and kissed like the best of lovers.

Everyday I would wake up and think of something new I wanted to experience with him. Chemistry became dear to me, simply because I could go to class and watch him mess up simple equations in front of me.

It was adorable.

On this particular night as I did my homework with him, Kun, Jaemin and Sana in the big-ass dining table in the Donghyuck's frat house, he looked extremely adorable being so confused with such simple questions. I kept my eyes fixed on his frustrated face. I had my head rested on my hand, elbow on top of my notebook with the homework I finished hours ago.

Kun points to Sana's work and says, "you missed a 2 in your equation."

Sana sighs. Jaemin pouts at her and pets her head, "it's alright. You would have gotten the right answer had you not missed that."

"I can't believe people like this shit," Donghyuck complains. I scan his work and point at his solution, "you're almost there. Y equals what, Hyuck?"

"Y the fuck do I need to learn this?"

"It's fun!"

"Just give me your philosophy homework," he whines.

"No cheating in this household," Kun says as he flips a page of his economics book.

I shake my head at Donghyuck, "I don’t need help. I'm done with all my homework."

"Can you just do my stats. You get high off of this anyway."

"Hyuck."

He whines, "I have one number left!"

"Exactly. And I want you to learn because you have to pass and I can't do your tests too, now can I?"

Donghyuck places his arms in front of him and slams his head on the table, "I hate it here."

I giggle and nuzzle up next to him, "aw, isn't he so cute when he's like this?"

Sana coos at us and nods. Jaemin couldn't care less. Kun makes a face and shakes his head in disapproval, "you've become the very thing you despise."

Jaemin chuckles, "dude has to get laid."

"I'm quite satisfied with my homework, thank you."

Jaemin makes a face, "gross."

It's funny how high you can get and how fast you can fall.

After my class, I head off the flower shop who's owner I came to know as Mrs. Park. I dropped by pretty often that I could say she was becoming somewhat of a friend.

I make my way to St. John's and get to room 304. Mr. Lee is standing outside the room, using his phone. I grip the strap of my backpack. "Hi," I call and wave with my available hand, "good evening, uncle."

He turn to me and then the flowers I had in hand, "good evening sweetheart." He places a gentle hand on my shoulder, "Donghyuck told me not to let you in again."

I sigh.

"You can go in, though he fell asleep I think. His mom and I are just going to get some food, okay?"

I nod and smile, "I'll be here."

"You can wake him up if you like."

I shake my head, "I'll just leave the flowers and go home."

He nods, "okay, stay safe, dear."

Once he leaves, I quietly enter the hospital room and close the door behind me. I walk by his bed, looking at his sleeping form and go to the table next him. I take the roses I left last time and replace it with the irises I bought.

"You're so unoriginal," a soft voice comes from the hospital bed.

I purse my lips into a soft smile and shake my head, "I ran out of flowers to give you. It's a sign you have to check out soon."

Donghyuck chuckles softly, “Iris is a good baby name no?”

I chuckle, “yeah.” 

I turn to his pale and sullen face. His lips were missing the balm he always put on and looked uncharacteristically chapped because of this. I bring my backpack in front of me and pull out some red lipstick. "Can I do the honors?"

He looks at the cosmetic and sighs, "it's what I get for making you my girlfriend."

I smile and move to the other side of the bed where his drip wasn't stationed. I sit down next to him and put on the red on his lips. Once I'm done, he places his hands by his jaw and smiles softly, "how do I look?"

"Like a supermodel," I say.

He sighs, "had I not had cancer, I'd make Naomi Campbell retire."

I chuckle, "It's not to late. We can still make her quiver in her stilettos."

He shakes his head weakly, "I get too tired. I can barely keep up with you as it is. That's why my tongue is so important."

"Donghyuck."

He puckers his red lips, all pleased, "that's what you say every night."

I shake my head and pull my phone out, quickly stealing pictures of him. His face falls. He immediately reacts and blocks my phone, "come on, we’ve talked about this. No pictures."

"You don't look sick, you look sick."

He shakes his head, "I'm in a hospital gown."

"And you work it like the sex god you are."

He can't help but break into a laugh, no matter how hard he tried to hold it in. "Geez. You are so fake. I'm glad we can't have kids because they'll both be liars and traitors."

His word hit a nerve. Not because of the kids, but because he feels betrayed that his parents won't listen to him when he tells them not to let me visit him while he's here.

He catches my fallen expression. He firmly and coldly states, "I'm not getting you pregnant."

I shake my head, "you should stop making your parents promise to keep me from seeing you."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, "they never listen to me anyway."

"Donghyuck-" "You see me now don't you?!" he suddenly snaps and gestures his hand up, "look at my face. You want to see this? I don't want you to wake up next to me looking like this."

I keep my silence. I watch as the desperation in his eyes build.

"I told you what the doctors told me. I'm two steps away from organ failure. I could literally die while we're on a date. Do you know how scared I am of doing that to you? Even when we're just walking, I have this shit imbedded at the back of my mind."

"Haechan..."

“I told you. I told you you’d regret joking about it.”

I chuckle bitterly, knowing exactly the joke he mean, “it was funny when I said it.”

“It was,” he hisses, turning away from me, “I'm glad I got to have you, but you don't have to watch me die. It’ll be easier for the both of us this way. You can let go of me now."

My eyes immediately water when I speak, "you want to let go of me?"

"Fuck no," he whispers, "I don't have enough strength to do that."

"Then please don't drive me away," I reply. 

Tears burn down my face, but I'm only concerned about the ones burning down his. I wipe his face and bite the inside of my lip to keep my silence. I pull my hands away and grab his in mine, "I still want to walk with you."

He sighs and grips my hands back. He finally meets my eyes, "you're gonna have to push my wheelchair to the cemetery."

His analogy hurts, but I still nod, "okay."

He disagrees, "don't speak so quickly."

"I swear, I'm not."

He brings his hands to my cheeks, wiping my tears away with his thumb.

“If you have something in the back of your head, I do too, so let’s just...” I lick my lips, “put on some red lipstick and send memes to Kun okay?”

He releases a sigh, "okay, nerd."

I choke on my tears. I release a breath to calm myself down and reply, "okay, Haechan."

To everyone’s joy and relief, he was well enough to leave the hospital to take his finals. I have never been so happy on an exam day.

Kun and I had breakfast together then went to our shared exam room. It my happiness, I skipped on our way and held Kun’s hand, swinging it back and forth. I swore I heard someone mumbling something about wanting to blow us up for PDA so early in the morning or something along those lines.

I couldn't care less though, cause I was really happy today and nothing was going to change that.

"Are you sure Donghyuck has a drivers license?" Kun asks for the nth time. He pulls on my arm, ceasing its motion and I turn to him to make a face, "yes, mom. He even sent me a picture of it and it isn't expired."

He lets out a breath, "you could have lead with that."

"I didn't know you would be that worried about it."

"I'm offended. You of all people should know I never stop worrying. You’re the reason why I’m like this, with that mud pie incident."

“It’s not my fault I thought mud pies turned into actual pies! That’s literally on everyone else before me. I was a troll child back then! With a troll mind.”

Kun scoffs, “you were though.”

"I just said I was,” I raise my hand and flash him a face, “is that why you died your hair platinum blonde? To hide all the white hairs that sprung up on your cranium."

"You know, for once, you're actually right."

I halt my skipping, "wait seriously."

Kun's eyes wander, "at least I'm not going bald."

"Hey! Haechan doesn't have hair loss."

Kun whips his head to me, "I wasn't talking about Haechan."

I snort, "I know, loser."

Right after our exam, Kun and I made our way out of building and I immediately spotted Donghyuck leaning against a sleek black car in a army green hoodie and shades.

Kun raises his brows, "wow, he's got a Benz?"

"Borrowed. It’s his cousin's grad gift."

"Oh? The doctor one? Dang, they rich-rich."

I wave at Donghyuck who had his hood on and he waves back. Kun waves at him too, then I wave at Kun, "bye babez."

"Bye babez," he replies as I run over to Donghyuck.

I immediately wrap my arms around him and giggle in his arms, "hi baby."

"Hey sexy," he says, kissing me on the head. He brings his arms around me, sealing me into a long, warm embrace. 

Once we pull away, he brings his hands in front of me, revealing a bouquet of flowers. I coo at them as he says, "I figured I'd get even with you."

I get the flowers from him and smell the vibrant bouquet of pink, yellow and blue, smiling ear to ear.

"To you, I offer eternity," he says, making me chuckle when I turn to him, "how cheesy."

"Hey, I didn't make the meanings up. Some person saw primroses and said, 'oh, you know what, this means eternal love'."

I shake my head, "still corny though.”

“You’re corny.”

“Thanks, that means a lot, coming from you.”

"Well," Donghyuck asks, "you ready to go for a drive?"

I nod and wave my flowers around, up in the air, "I'm so excited to go to a drive through."

He groans in disgust, "drive through? Babe, I was planning to go to a cute restaurant but you want fast food?"

"We can go to a drive through and a cute restaurant."

He rolls his eyes and moves to pull the door open for me, "as if I don't have enough medical bills to pay."

"I'll pay for the food!"

He gives me a look, "there was no way you weren't gonna."

Much to his displeasure, I get so sidetracked with every place we passed by we barely get to follow the itinerary he had planned for the day. He continuously attempts to get us back on track, but we do not reach the park he wanted to get to before the sunset to get to watch it.

Instead, we sit on the hood of Yuta's car and eat some hamburgers and fries, looking at the stars, failing to find any of the many constellations.

"I give up," he mutters, ripping his eyes away from the guide he had on his screen, flipping his phone back looking at the wrapper still on his phone case. He dumbly blurts, “is that Harry Styles? ♩ Watermelon sugar high ♩.”

What the- I give him a look, “are you high?”

“♩ Watermelon sugar high ♩” 

I block his face with my phone and examine the star chart on it. He sips on his drink then says, "you're looking at an astrology chart, by the way, not an astronomy chart."

"I mean, technically, they're one in the same, since they base their stuff up on the same stars."

"Yeah, except I hate astrology. Like, don't say you're a libra, just say you're a fucking idiot."

"Seems like a philosophy thing."

Donghyuck raises a brow, "you talk to other philosophy students?"

"Dummy, I knew Jaemin personally before you."

"Oh. Well, carry on then."

I snort, "but imagine if libras are actually the dumb ones though, and you got it right."

He pulls away the drink he was supposed to sip on, "we are not going to talk about this anymore."

"Okay," I eat a french fry and some burger, "what do you want to talk about then?"

"Hmm. I promised not to, but I still kinda want to fuck you in my cousin's car."

I nearly choke on my food. Donghyuck bursts out laughing. I turn to him and glare. I continue chewing the burger I had in my mouth and look for a tissue. I find one on Dongyuk's lap and blow my nose on it, "I think a pickle went up my nose."

Donghyuck laughs even harder, falling back on the windshield.

I shake my head, "why is this so funny to you?"

He catches his breath and wipes his tears, "I dunno. It's cute you think I don't think about eating you out every time you're near me."

I shove his side, "shut up."

He whines yet still manages to continue laughing, "my liver."

"Quit being dramatic," I say, crumpling up the tissue I used and throwing it at him. I then pick it back up and place it in the plastic bag of trash we had.

His laughter dies down but his whining continues. After a moment, he sits back up and I realize he wasn't joking. I shift to face him, "Donghyuck."

I shakes his head and raises a hand, "I'm fine. It happens when you have liver cancer."

"Do you want to go home?"

He lets out an airy breath, "no, I don't want to fuck you where all the frat boys can hear and jerk off to your moans."

"Donghyuck , I'm being serious."

"I'm being serious too! I heard them talk about this before. It's disgusting."

I grip his wrist and squeeze it, "Donghyuck ."

He lets out a breath and kisses my nose, "I promise I'm good. It's a side effect of the chemo. I'll take this rather than lose my hair, for you, so you can say your hot boyfriend has good hair."

I frown and nod.

He places an arm on my shoulders when I don’t respond to his words the way he wants me to, "I'm sorry for killing the mood."

He pulls me close. I shake my head and place my cheek on his chest. I bring my hand to his collarbone. I begin to fiddle with the string of his hoodie. I kiss his neck and mumble, "... we can fuck in my dorm."

He pulls back and blinks. He weighs the sincerity in my words then blurts, "get in the car."

I'm not really one to play favorites, because I normally black out when people ask me what my favorite thing is, but if you were to ask me what my favorite memory was, it would be this:

"KUN YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH!" Donghyuck screams as he video calls the said bitch.

"HOW IS IT MY FAULT IT'S STORMING!" Kun screams back from the other side of the screen. Well, unlike Donghyuck who was actually screaming with his whole chest, Kun was whisper-yelling against the speaker of his phone.

Jaemin bends his knees up and down as he looked at the table, "I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna tell him. I’m gonna tell him." Sana beside him shakes her head, "nooo, we still have to surprise Kun.”

"But I Sana, I want cake," Jaemin whines.

Sana kisses his cheek, "I know. But you know how much cake you already steal from Kun when he makes some.”

Jaemin whines at his girlfriends sense, “Finnnnee.”

Donghyuck whines, "It's on you for volunteering on your birthday."

"It's not my fault I like following schedules!"

"IT IS THOUGH!" Donghyuck screams again.

I mutter to Hyuck, "we should just tell him."

Donghyuck turns to me, "no, he has to see it himself."

"He might be stranded in the hospital all night at this rate."

Jaemin hears this and screams, "NO!"

Kun's voice chimes in, "Wait, did everyone break into my room with you?"

I grab Donghyuck’s phone and yell, "Surprise! We-" there is a chorus of screams when thunder strikes and the lights flicker.

Donghyuck comes up next to me, "oh shit, the call might cut off."

I turn to the screen and see Kun turn on and off his camera. I shake my head, "ha, ha, very funny Kun."

He mutes and unmutes himself, pretending to get cut off.

"We should have never thrown a surprise party for you!" Jaemin screamed.

Kun unmutes and opens his camera, "I never asked you to do that anyway!"

Jaemin bursts back, "well, sorry for being a good friend then! I'm eating this cake I bought for you and no one can stop me. I'm changing the ownership back to me!"

“Dude,” Donghyuck warns, “step away from the cake. Think of how happy Kun will be when he sees his favorite flavor.”

Jaemin’s face contorts, “how can happiness be real when EVERYTHING we feel are just chemicals in our,” he slams his pointer to his head, “brain?”

“How can ANYTHING be real when we only PERCIEVE THE WORLD FOR WHAT WE ARE AND NOT FOR WHAT IT IS?”

Sana and I turn to each other and begin to panic. Sana grabs Jaemin, “Nana, please-” “HOW ARE WE EVEN SURE WE’RE REAL WHEN WE COULD BE IN A FUCKING MATRIX AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW,” Jaemin screans, loosing breath.

I flip Donghyuck’s phone over and show him the wrapper, “look! It’s a watermelon.” Donghyuck pushes me aside and raises a finger, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE NUMBERS?”

Kun screams with a lot of feedback, "I’M STILL RIGHT HERE!”

I flip the phone back and smile at Kun. He was shaking his head, “you guys are a bunch of idiots, and regretfully your my idiots."

"Oh my gosh, Kun just confessed to us," I say in a high pitched squeal.

Kun laughs, "Just go and eat the cake to stop this mayhem. Leave me a slice. I'll hang up the call now."

Donghyuck grabs his phone back, "no, no, no, no. No one's hanging up."

And so Donghyuck set up his phone by the table and we celebrated Kun's birthday without him while it stormed outside.

I took it upon myself to tell the gang all of the embarrassing Kun stories I had, knowing he had no way to stop me. Of course he threatened to disconnect the call, but we all knew he wasn't going to do that.

Donghyuck stands from his seat and brings a forkful of cake to the screen, "aah."

Kun brings his phone into his mouth and then pulls back to his face with a smile.

I shout in protest, "EWWW CANCELLED."

Kun quicky barks, "Cancel your boyfriend first for being so tacky and gross."

"My boyfriend is cute! Unlike some people."

Jaemin, on his third slice, cheers and shakes his hand as if it hurt. He raises his arm while still holding a fork and cheers, "someone just got burnt with the truth."

"Can it, Jaemin."

Donghyuck sits back down, "if you have some gum with you, you can chew it and pretend you're eating chocolate cake."

Kun shakes his head, "how thoughtful, but I," a crack of thunder sounds in Kun's area, making him stop and turn to the window behind him. He continues, "don't have any gum."

After feasting on some cake, the four of us have a dance party, which starts with us laughing our asses off because of our horrible twerking and generally horrible dance moves, and ends with us slow dancing and falling asleep on the couch.

Kun ends the call a little before that because the rain had finally stopped.

When he got back to his dorm, he finds us sleeping on his bed. He put blankets over Jaemin and Sana and he sacrificed his own blanket for Donghyuck and- "you're finally here."

Kun looks at Donghyuck's groggy face and nods, "yeah. Go back to sleep."

"No wait," he whispers and shifts slightly in his spot, careful not to wake up anyone. "I have to tell you something."

Kun hums.

"You know how people write letters for the dead even though they can't hear it. Well, this almost dead man wrote a letter for his loved ones and that includes you. It's on the table."

Kun goes to the table and looks for the said letter.

"It's in a white envelope."

Kun spots it and grabs it soon after.

"You don't have to read it now, but I will tell you it's mostly what you may think it is: a thank you for being my friend, a good bye," he says, making Kun tear up and turn away from him.

Donghyuck frowns, "sorry for dampening your birthday mood. I just had to talk about that one favor I asked for in the letter."

Kun releases a shaky breath. Donghyuck continues, "I know you're supposed to give to the celebrant and not ask for something, but I feel like I'm about to Usain Bolt to the finish line real soon."

"Hyuck... don't worry about it. Just tell me."

When Kun looks back at his friend, he finds he's crying. Donghyuck sniffles then lets out a breath to calm himself. He takes a moment before saying, "please don't resent me for having her."

Kun is shocked by his words. He furrows his brows at the idea his friend could think that about him. Donghyuck heaves for a moment then licks the salt on his lips. He wipes his face, "don't resent me when she cries about me, cause I know you can't resent her."

"Donghyuck..."

"I know I sound crazy and stupid," he laughs in between his tears, "and I swear I'm not in love with you or anything, but you've been one of the realest friends I've had in a long time." He wipes his face again, "and the idea of you resenting me when I’m gone eats me up inside. I don't want you to hate me for hurting her, or for hurting you when I'm gone."

"Hyuk, I won't resent you, I promise."

Donghyuck raises a pinkie, "Promise?"

Kun breaks into a sad smile and wraps his pinkie around his, "promise."

Donghyuck releases a breath, "take care of her, okay?"

"Always."

And even though I heard every bit of their conversation, fighting back tears so not to expose myself, even though it was so bittersweet, it's still my favorite memory.

I never got to share another subject with Hyuck the next term, mostly because he never got to enroll as he checked in St. John's indefinitely.

I try not to think about how hard it was to visit him everyday, knowing well that each time could be the last. I didn't want to say it was torture, because I truly still felt that every day with him was a precious blessing.

I was copying Kun's homework when he woke up. I had a chair by the side of his hospital bed and I was using his mattress as my table.

"I told my mom not to let you in," he says, turning to his mom was was sitting on the couch in front of him.

I turn from my notes to Donghyuck 's sunken face.

His mom turns from her phone to his son and shakes her head, "I can't promise something so cruel, Heachan."

Unlike last the time he was confined, when he only looked like he had lost the color in his skin, he looked different. He lost a weight, the roundness of his cheeks disappeared, because refused to have IV fluid poked into him any longer. He still ate meals every hour, but he didn’t have much of an appetite.

The playful gleam in his eyes were faded. I tried to reignite it sometimes by cracking a joke or two, but he found it hard to smile... or to even look at me, as he admitted some days ago.

I turn to him and crack as smile, "it's the consequence for wanting to be my boyfriend so bad."

He doesn't respond to that and instead had his eyes focused on my notes. I turn to my notes as well then turn back to him, "It's advanced calculus. Gross right?"

He doesn't chuckle, "you're not highlighting?"

When he looks at me, I turn back to my notes and realize he was right. My mistake was playing it off, "I'm trying something new."

He doesn't like that, "don't say that."

I turn away from him when I feel tears prick in the corner of my eyes. I feel his cool hand grab mine. He seems to push my notebook away or something. I scratch my tears away and turn back to him. He leans in and I meet him halfway, standing from where I sat and pressing my lips on his cool ones.

His mom had already turned the air conditioning off, but he was still cold. I break away and pull the blankets on him up. He grabs my hand again and mutters, "I'll come back to you a healthy man, and finish college so we can get married and have healthy babies."

I hear his mom gasp.

The tears glassing my eyes blurred my vision. I blinked them away so I could see him better. My tears fall down to his blanket. I nod, "I'll wait."

He shakes his head, "not in this lifetime, okay?"

I let out a cry and bite my lip to shut myself up.

He wipes my tears and turns to his mom, "Is dad coming back soon?"

"Yes," his mom dashes to his side, "he's coming back with lunch any moment now."

He nods, "good. I want to tell him how much I love him."

His mom full on weeps now. Donghyuck grabs her hand and smiles at her, "I'm sorry I'm making you cry."

His mother shakes her head in disagreement.

"Thank you for giving birth to me and taking care of me even though I'm an adult."

She grabs her son's face and kisses it all around, "of course, baby. You're my only baby, and you will always be my baby."

Just then, his dad walks in with a plastic bag of food. Donghyuck's mother turns to him and calls his name. He immediately puts the food down and runs to his wife.

Donghyuck lets go of my hand and reaches out for his dad, "hi dad."

He takes his son's hand. "Hi son," his voice breaks and tears immediately stream down his eyes.

Donghyuck frowns, "I'm sorry I couldn't step up to be the man of the house."

He shakes his head, "you've always been the man of the house, son. You taught me a lot of things while you grew up."

Donghyuck pulls away and sighs, "I would have been a great dad, don't you think?" Hyuck turns to me then back to his dad. I immediately grab his hand again. He grips me back

"Better than your foolish old man."

"Ya," Donghyuck whispers, "I passed the hardest exam in the country. I get that from you."

For a brief moment, the three of us muffle our tears as Donghyuck relaxes his head and cries. His mother wipes his tears away.

Hyuck closes his eyes, "I'm sorry. I'm just so tired."

"It's okay baby. You can rest now. No more chemo. No more pain."

"That sounds nice," he exhales, “I’m glad won’t be buried bald.” 

No one reacts.

He chuckles, “Too soon? Sorry. Bad habit.” He opens his eyes one last time and smiles, "it would probably be to stupid to ask you all to smile for me one last time, right?"

We all break into bitter laughs and smile at him the best we could.

He smiles back and looks at each of us, "I love you, mom. I love you, dad. I love you, baby."

We all say I love yous back and he closes his eyes. It isn't long before his grip in my hand loosens.

His mother begins to wail.

I turn to his hand and suddenly resent the sight of my notes in front of me. When some tears drop on the open page, I choke on my heart, seeing that Donghyuck managed to write I love you in the middle of my statistics notes.

"That's about it," I say to the girl who still had her head on my lap. I ask her, "did you like the story, Poppy?"

"It's so sad," she cries out. I turn to her not realizing she was scratching tears away from her face. I immediately pick her up and bring her into my arms, "aw, my baby girl, I didn't know you were crying."

She cries on my shoulder and I rub her back, trying to soothe her.

I see Kun from inside. He locks eyes with me, raising a brow accusingly as he points and mouths, "is that Poppy?" I give him a knowing look and he then makes his way out to the backyard. He shakes his head in disapproval, "and here I thought your days of hating children had ended."

I turn to him as he sits down, “Do you think I chose to have kids with you if it hadn’t?”

He sighs and pouts, holding Poppy's little hand, "why are you crying, sweetheart?"

When she doesn’t respond, I answer, "I told her about Donghyuck."

Kun's face of worry contorts into sadness, "oh."

Poppy begins to call out, "eomma!"

"Dear lord, did you make her cry?" Jaemin calls when he sees us. The girl immediately recognizes the voice and turns to run to her father, "appa!"

Jaemin picks up his daughter and coddles her, "why are you crying, huh? Did auntie hurt you? Should I teach her a lesson?"

She shakes her head, "It's so sad."

"What's sad?"

"Your friend Donghyuck. He died like Chichi." Chichi was their dog who she had grown up with.

Jaemin turns from his daughter, me, then back to his daughter, "Ah, it is sad, isn't it? I cried to when it happened, the way I cried when Chichi died. They were both were hurt. Now they’re together somewhere beautiful and are playing fetch!"

"Appa, I don't want to get sick, or you, or eomma."

"Eomma?" Sana repeats as she makes her way to her husband and daughter. She places a hand on her pregnant belly as he daughter continues to cry. She pouts the cute way she always does, “is my strong girl crying? Did you get hurt?”

She quickly calms her daughter down my making faces and tickling her. It isn’t long after that Poppy eventually breaks into a laugh.

Kun and I watch the parents in astonishment, "they're good."

"Dude, I don't think we could ever do that."

Kun raises a brow, "Hey, we're gonna be great parents." He says placing a hand on my otherwise flat stomach, “we kinda don’t have a choice.”

I shake my head, "maybe you will be, but I don't know about me."

"Ya, like I said, I’ll be here for you, both of you, alright?"

I finally break my gaze away from Jaemin and Sana and turn back to Kun, giving him a peck on his lips. He pulls me into a quick embrace and stands, “come on, I have something to show you.”

Kun leads me inside the restaurant and brings me to a bulletin board with seemingly endless pictures and notes stuck on them. He points at a picture by the top of the board, “can you tell me who that is?”

I cover my mouth and instantly feel tears run down my face.

Kun chuckles softly and pulls me in close, kissing me on the cheek, “you told me you haven’t been here before.”

“I told that to Haechan too,” I mutter, “oh gosh. I had completely forgotten about it.”  I lean in to the picture, “look at how young I look.”

Kun laughs, “you’re acting like you’re 80.”

“WIth all the stress you put on my back, I feel like I am.”

Kun snorts, combing my hair and kissing my neck, “I won’t apologize for doing a good job, babe.”

We hear someone call for all the guests to come over, as Sana and Jaemin will finally be announcing what everyone came here for. We join the rest of the people in the party as Jaemin gets taught by a restaurant employee how to pop the party poppers.

We make a face at Jaemin’s confused face.

Kun shakes his head and whispers in my ear, “moron.” I laugh as Kun calls, “ask it the meaning of life?”

Jaemin gives Kun a knowing look as he brings the party popper close to his face, “YA! DON’T MESS THIS UP FOR ME!”

Everyone laughs, Sana especially practically beams.

We count down:

3

2

1

Jaemin turns to his wife, “ready?”

Sana nods and covers her ears, lips still curved into a smile.

Jaemin pops the confetti and a wave of pink bursts into the air. Sana giggles as she removes her hands from her ears and places her palms on her husband's face, giving him a kiss.

Jaemin picks up her daughter and bring her close to her mom, "you're going to have a sister!"

Poppy cheers, "YAY!!!!"

Kun and I cheer. Kun kisses my cheek, “that’s gonna be us soon.”

I turn to him and make a face, ”ew.”

He shakes his head and gives me another kiss.

[platonicavengers]

headcanons for being the youngest maximoff (part two)

pairings: maximoff twins x sibling!gn!reader && avengers x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for infinity war + endgame, death, non-descriptive violence, idk

author’s note: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT AAAAAAAA it was supposed to be up a while ago but things got in the way and im so sorry :(

tags: @madamevirgo​  @euphoniumpets​

headcanons under the cut !

so

after steve broke everyone out of the raft you were all on the run for a while

vision and natasha joined you all at some point, and scott and clint returned home to their families

after a while wanda and vision decided to stay in scotland, leaving you with sam, nat, and steve

you were not a huge fan of the idea of leaving her behind

you had already lost your parents and pietro and even though she wasn’t dead you still wouldn’t be able to see her

but you knew why she did what she did

fast forward a little bit

you find out that tony went missing

and then that wanda and vision are being attacked

so u all fly to scotland to help them

*insert u being a badass and beating the shit out of an alien*

finally reuniting w your sister

there were tears

when you arrived back at the compound it was like a breath of fresh air after so long

it’s a shame you weren’t there under better circumstances

immediately getting upset when you saw the hologram of ross

that motherfucker

anyways

going to wakanda was an.... interesting experience

you wanted to enjoy it 

but considering why you were there,,,,,,

it was kinda hard to enjoy it lol

wanda ofc stayed up in the lab with vision and shuri

she wanted you to stay up there as well so she could keep an eye on you

she was very hesitant to let you go into the front lines of the battle

even though you were an adult now you were still her little sibling and she was worried for you

you assured her that you would be fine though

fine might be pushing it but

let’s be realistic here

you kicked some alien ass down there

taking out enemy after enemy with no hesitation

pretty impressive tbh. ur fucking awesome

ily

anyways

eventually wanda came down to join the battle

the two of you fought alongside each other

badass sibling duo ugh yes

but then

you had to go against thanos himself

ugly ass mf

you tried to use your magic to remove his gauntlet

you were unsuccessful

he kinda tossed you to the side like a rag doll

which hurt like a bitch

when he snapped you had no idea what tf to do

i mean you had just lost, what were you supposed to do?

you were in the middle of crawling over to wanda, wanting to try to comfort her over the loss of vision

but then she just kinda, disintegrated?

you were in shock for a minute

but then it hit you

“no, no, no, no, no...”

you started sobbing

now you had officially lost your whole family

after a little bit you made your way over to what was left of the team

you all kinda stood in silence for a little while, just processing everything that had happened

eventually you all returned to the quinjet and flew back home

for the first two-ish weeks after the snap you just locked yourself in your room and refused to leave

though eventually you did leave your room again, though very reluctantly

after three weeks had passed by carol, who you were quite fascinated by, returned to the compound carrying a spaceship with her

turns out tony was on said ship

you were glad to see him after so long

and now we jump to going to space to beat thanos’ ass (a g a i n)

you had never been to space before so it was quite a new experience

shame it was under such poor circumstances

when you arrived at thanos’ residence you were out for blood

he took your last remaining family and you were not in the mood to let him get away with it

and then you found out the stones were gone

and everything he had done couldn’t or so you thought be reversed

you were already ready to kill thanos before, but especially now that that was revealed

sadly though, thor took the responsibility of killing the titan himself

*5 years later*

you were 23 now

a whole ass adult

you still lived at the compound with natasha, not exactly having anywhere else to go

not like you would’ve left anyways but

nat had become your sort of support system over the last few years

after all, at this point you really only had each other

all of the rest of the remaining team went their separate ways, none of which deciding to stay with the two of you

one day though steve comes by

you were glad to see him, you had missed him a lot since he left

the three of you had a not-so-positive conversation and then out of nowhere scott appears at the front gate

he tells you his insane idea of using the quantum realm to time travel back to before thanos

you were very wary

you didn’t exactly have a lot of knowledge on the quantum realm but you could still tell that it seemed risky

the four of you went to tony’s house to try to convince him

he almost immediately said no

yikes

you all tried to convince him but to no avail

so you went to bruce hulk instead

bruce?? hulk?? who tf is he tbh

but anywho

when you saw him you were kinda like ????????

but chose to ignore it

you got him to agree to the time travel thing

and it was ?somewhat? successful

somewhat is pushing it tbh

scott became a baby which wasn’t great

but then tony showed up and fixed it like the genius he is

you helped recruit all the remaining avengers to help w the whole time travel thing

you were going to go back in time and get the stones before thanos could

you went with clint and natasha to vormir

you thought it made the most sense for you to sacrifice yourself

after all you weren’t even positive this whole thing with the stones would work, and you couldn’t risk continuing to live a life without wanda and the rest of the team

they stopped you before you could jump though

when natasha dropped you swore your heart stopped beating

she had been all you had for the past 5 years and then she was just gone

you ended up getting the soul stone but at what cost

you and clint returned to the compound and there was a small ‘memorial’ (for lack of a better word) for natasha

after that tony put all of the stones together into a makeshift gauntlet

after a little bit of deliberation it was decided that bruce would be the one to snap his fingers

bruce, hulk, whatever tf

brulk

LMFAO

sorry back to the headcanons LOL

he snapped

immediately everything felt different

you went out to look out a window, seeing a few butterflies fluttering around that you knew weren’t there before

a smile immediately took over ur face

“hey guys, i think it worked!” - you

you were about to turn around and walk back to everyone else

but then

you saw a large ship in the distance

and something began flying toward the compound

and then everything went dark

when you woke up again you were buried under a bunch of rubble

which bruce picked up off of you

you ran out to where thor, tony, and steve were

you saw thanos and froze

they were engaged in a battle and you tried to keep your distance in order to collect yourself for a moment

which proved to be futile because you were dragged into the fight not long after

you kinda got your ass handed to you

it wasn’t pretty

you were lying on the ground when all of a sudden you saw orange light surrounding you

you looked up to see portals opening, all your allies who you had thought to be dead stepping out

you saw wanda and you stopped breathing for a moment

you got up as quick as you could

which proved to be difficult due to ur injuries and overall extreme fatigue

you launched yourself at her, bringing her into the tightest hug you could muster

the two of you held onto each other for a moment before you had to return to fighting

maximoff sibling teamup part 2???? yeah most definitely 

fast forward to after thanos and his bitch ass army lost (im sorry i just really dont have the energy to write all that rn)

and to after tony’s funeral 

you and wanda had a l o t of catching up to do

like

5 years worth LOL

u had to comfort her over vision’s death a lot

considering that to her, that was still only a couple days ago

and a lot of the time when you two talked the mood was kinda depressing, all things considered

but you still tried to keep it lighthearted

for example

your absolute favorite thing in the world was the fact that you were now older than her due to the snap, 3 years older to be exact

you held it over her all the time, constantly making fun of her for it

all in good fun of course

something wanda really loved was when you would tell her stories from when she was in the soul world (only happy ones ofc)

though it made her sad that you had to go so long without her, and she missed out on so much

she wanted to know what she had missed

all in all

you two were incredibly close, the snap and its aftermath only further confirming that

sibling goals tbh

a/n #2: aaaaaa im sorry to end it on that note (i didnt know how to end it im sorry asf) but yeah </3 and once again, so sorry this took me so long to post, ive been super busy with school && life in general so i just havent gotten around to it :( butttttttttttt if u guys want i could try to continue this series of headcanons for wandavision?? i’d wait until friday ofc for the final episode and id spoiler tag it and everything but i could try my best? might be kinda difficult but i think it could be fun so if anyone wants that then lmk!! :)

[thetrashywritingwitch]

im sorry if this is bothering you but your opinion or analysis over Bakugo made me curious about what you think of Toya's past? i know you despise Endeavor (same here, i call him 'fire trash' rather than his hero name lol), but im honestly curious about your opinion here. do you think that if the .. thing ... didnt happen, Endeavor would allow him to go to hero course, or on the contrary (considering he forbid him to train anyway). let me know what you think pleease <3

so, i know this is a HOTLY CONTESTED THIGN which is why i generally haven't said much because i absolutely don't want to argue with folks or get salty angry anons in my inbox trying to fight me over Dabi/Touya and his backstory

but i'll give a little bit of my opinion on it

putting this under the cut and tagging it with multiple spoilers tags for folks who dont wanna read

so, Endeavor's whole thing was that he wanted the "perfect" child aka, a child with a quirk that was half hot, half cold. He did this through a quirk marriage to Rei, hoping to get what he wanted. This comes down to quirk eugenics, basically, which is incredibly fucked up. to keep having kids until you get the perfect one, and the others are rejects in his eyes. Touya, Natsuo, and Fuyumi weren't what he wanted out of kids until Shouto came along. If i remember the manga correctly, there's a heartbreaking panel of Rei looking absolutely broken and worn down when they find out Fuyumi's quirk and she realizes that she's going to have to have another child whether she wants to or not because it's what her shitty husband married her for.

so, Touya is incredibly complex and complicated because there's a lot to unpack there and many people have done so far more eloquently and with better meta that i could probably do, so i won't try.

Endeavor absolutely, at minimum, helped shape Touya into what who he is now (Dabi) and what became of him as a child. He trained and projected onto Touya to perfect his quirk, to keep going, and i'm sure endeavor wanted to see if he could produce ice or cold like he wanted. This definitely made Touya feel special and had terrible ideas behind failure and weakness. Children are incredibly impressionable and will do exactly what you tell them, possibly 10x if they think they'll be praised or receive something in return.

Touya wanted his dad to be proud of him, to be exactly what he wanted, and endeavor's constant barrage of training and no doubt palpable disappointment in what Touya couldn't do influenced him imo. This began Touya's downfall: a child wanting to please his parent by any means necessary.

but anyway, i think i'm deviating from your ask so hhhhh

do i think he would've allowed Touya into the hero course? no, i dont think so. His quirk is powerful, but we know he has Rei's constitution meaning his quirk actually hurts and burns him, cooking him from the inside out when he uses it too much. his quirk is powerful, but it has a limit, and we see this more when he's a kid and his hair starts to turn white and he's injured while training.

Endeavor would only want a kid in the hero course who he could shape into a vessel, a toy, a weapon. during the sports festival, he refers to shouto, his son, his "greatest creation". he thinks of shouto at the time solely as a vessel for his own gain and fame. Touya, with his quirk and drawbacks in the eyes of his father, isn't suitable to be in the public eye as such a vessel.

i think we could speculate all day on what path Touya would've gone down had the tragedy in the forest not happened. in all honesty, i haven't thought toooo much about it, but i think his life would've been hard either way. especially with living in the shadow of Shouto and knowing he was a rejected child in the hands of his father and he could never live up to unrealistic and cruel expectations.

[wearethewinx]

fate episode 6 spoilers below

admittedly that opening shot slaps. like that immediately makes me curious

bloom why are you looking. everywhere but at the glowing pillar in front of you

LOL WHOOPS

AISHA ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. WRITERS ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. THIS IS NOT MY GIRL

lol dowling thats what happens when u liiieeeeee

jfdlsfjlds terras dad being so stumped by her completely correct rebuttal that he just says 'you need to cool down'

'sorry you have to be visible to have a point of view' that line really made it into the script huh

theyre REALLY gonna make aishas first and only autonomous act in this entire show be to snitch on her friends

oh so there are witches huh. is that how were doing this huh. oh my god this is so unnecessarily complicated and confusing? this is. ridiculous? why wouldnt anyone else know about the witches? how does them being witches give rosalind the right to murder them all? HOW IS BLOOM OK WITH THIS LADY JUST SAYING 'yeah i lied and killed them all because only fairies are allowed to do magic' HWAT THE FUCK

*sky voice* i am literally so fucking stupid and boring its unreal

lol even sam is like 'terra shut up'

see i dont wanna be so mean to terra but shes explicitly written to be as annoying as humanly possible? people keep telling her theyre not interested and she just mows right over them completely not caring EVERY time

oh bloom is growing a braincell now huh

'only vanessa and michael could give you love' YOU CALL THAT LOVE? YOU CALL THAT SHIT LOVE? WHERE ARE THE WRITERS ILL FUCKING KILL THEM

me, every time: weve gotta be getting close to the end now right weve been here at least forty minutes

the timestamp, every time: 21:30

HOW is it possible for a show to drag this much? six hours feels like 18

nobody told the caption writer that rivens name is riven not 'riv'

stella being like 'WE shouldve never gotten back together WE are codependent and toxic' gurl,,,,,,,, You

rly have to stress that bloom listened to rosalind talk and was like 'oh genocide? well thats totally understandable, i trust you implicitly. here i was thinking you were just a regular mass murderer!'

WHY ARE THERE NO MAGIC PAINKILLERS. WHY IS THE ONLY WAY TO EASE SOMEONES PAIN FOR MUSA SPECIFICALLY TO TAKE IT ON

ALSO TERRA FUCK. YOU. FOR EVEN THINKING THAT, MUCH LESS SAYING IT OUT LOUD

how does the solarian royal family have a magic teleportation ring but they cant move troops across their country in less than 2 days

*bloom voice* come on sluts im gonna put you all in danger

PLEASE let sky miserably wail 'YOU KILLED MY FATHER' please god let it happen PLEASE

damn ok i actually REALLY like skys reaction here. unironically well written, very believable. even a stopped brain has good ideas twice an episode i suppose

love that musa only gets dignified with the slightest sliver of backstory in this, the final episode

STILL only HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE. THIS IS SICK TIME DILATION FUCKERY

flora isnt supposed to be the loose canon of the winx for fucks sake

ok but WHAT ARE THE BURNED ONES. WHERE ARE THEY FROM. WHY DO THEY CARE ABOUT BLOOM. EVEN SHE HASNT ASKED YET! ARENT YOU CURIOUS ISNT ANYBODY CURIOUS

bloom: yeah rosalind unleashed the burned ones to attack us all but i totally trust that she told me the truth about how to stop them

blooms wings look FUCKING STUPID those arent even wings theyre just random red blobs with a mesh pattern

i guess im glad we actually GOT wings but my god is this a disappointment as wings go

also @ everyone in the tag calling this a 'transformation': are we watching the same fucking show lol. having fire swirl around you isnt a transformation. TRANSFORMING. is what makes it a transformation. absolutely nothing changes about her except having a couple blowtorches on her back

CANT STRESS ENOUGH THAT BLOOM KEEPS HEARING PEOPLE ADMIT TO MURDER AND RESPONDING WITH 'OH it was just MURDER lol thank god'

'bloom transformed' nO SHE DIDNT THAT WASNT A TRANSFORMATION OH MY GOD

ok but why WOULDNT rosalind reveal exculpatory information when it benefited her lol. why are you idiots believing her. why are you accepting that as a justification

'ive been a brat' OH SO YOU ADMIT IT

'can we hug' very normal request bloom especially considering the circumstances /s

my mom would flip her lid if i invited four friends over w/o asking in advance and then put her on the spot abt whether they can stay the night, and thats WITHOUT the added context that BLOOMS MOM THINKS THESE ARE HER SCHOOL FRIENDS FROM S W I T Z E R L A N D AND THAT THEY WOULDVE HAD TO FLY ACROSS THE OCEAN TO GET THERE

this bloom family montage is 1: unearned (i remember the door, assholes) and 2: TOO long and cheesy

i love that stellas mom still hasnt admitted shes missing or come looking for her lol. the HEIR to the THRONE has been MISSING for WEEKS and thats just Okay

lmao what the fuck. how is andreas wearing the same clothes as 16 years ago. anybody care to explain what the goddamn hell is going on here

dragonflame namedrop huh? interesting

LOL EVERYONES JUST ACCEPTING ROSALIND BACK WITHOUT QUESTION? SHE DISAPPEARED AND WAS PRESUMED DEAD FOR 16 YEARS

HOW STUPID ARE THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

THE KING OF ERAKLYON. ABANDONED HIS SON. TO RAISE BEATRIX

WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL

omg she just fucking killed her

absolutely metal

ah HERE are the hideous outfits from the promo image. hate

final thoughts: this show is dumb

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love

[irkenheretic]

okay i promised id do it and im doing it: Explaining The Plot Of That AU I’m Vague About: The Post

(as i was preparing to write this i actually got my 250th follower, which slapped)

so i’m just gonna start with the simple version, which is this: it’s a rebel AU which primarily centers around the tallest, who are both defective. they give up on trying to make any meaningful changes as figureheads, and instead direct their attention to being involved with the “neo defect revolution,” or NDR. they do manage to make one change as tallest- there is a garbage dump planet turned into a sanctuary for defectives (who in this au are executed once discovered,) and eventually enough of the populace finds out about it that the tallest have to deal with it. they finesse their way into kicking it out of the empire, so now it’s its own planet with its own rules, governments, and most importantly, immigration policies and protections

a lot of stuff happens and it’s gonna be structured using arcs, and each arc has a separate protagonist/deuteragonist/tritagonist lineup (but that doesnt mean the same lineup won’t be used multiple times!) and yes the insane list of OCs are for this au alone: some arcs are very OC-centric, some have OCs as supporting characters, and a couple are all-OC or mostly-OC. 

its going to be very longform and it’ll span from the tallest’s elite training days to twenty years after zim arrives on earth. (the 20 year gap btwn zim arriving on earth and the story proper isnt as tightly plotted as later tho.) the point is to see how a revolution on the scale of the NDR works, who was fucked over by defact laws, who was fucked over by other laws, etc. theres a lot of lore and a lot of headcanons i made for this AU and even a conlang. i am a being of hubris. itll be a series of fics, some multichapter and some oneshots. 

the series as a whole is gonna be called Invader Zim: Annexed or just Annexed for short. its a pun on an irken word that sounds similar but means the exact opposite. i am not explaining more bc itll be explained in the fic itself. but thats why the tag for it is #anx lmao

i didnt mean for this to be as long as it got but under the cut im gonna breakdown some of the early arcs:

so it all starts with a fanfic called Love Is The H-Word (no the “h-word” isn’t “hell.) it centers around red and purple as elites-in-training, who do a little whoopsie and have an egg. purple doesnt wanna smuggle it into a smeetery, bc then he’ll never see it again, so they go to the defect sanctuary (still a part of the empire at this point.) purple knows he’s defective while red has a hard time accepting that he is as well, due to events from his past. but being around all these other defects are starting to wear down his denial, and the fic is all about that. it also sets up some plot stuff, like how defects adopted a self-identifier in the word “heretic,” hence the sanctuary being named, “heretirk.” (hey look my url!) (no, the “h-word” is not heretic, either.) 

i dont wanna say what happens in that fic bc spoilers, but stuff Happens. its also when we meet some ocs that end up being important, and the existence of others are foreshadowed. this is also where we meet the tallests’ future advisor, rarl kove, for the first time, as a local who decides to keep them company. purple bonds with kove due to their shared interest in politics, while red reluctantly bonds with titch, a young irken (a smeet in heretirken standards, an adult in imperial standards- did i mention he and red are roughly the same age? lol) who is interested in military stuff and thrill-seeking and general destruction. titch is pissed because he claims his father is stealthing on devastis as a military commander, but won’t let titch sneak in as a soldier, as titch is deaf. 

(fun facts: in the au, “titch” is regional slang for “a little bit.” ironically, titch the character is above-average in height.)

due to titch’s deafness, he developed “gesturespeak,” irken sign language, so he can communicate. this existing becomes important later

a oneshot called invade the system is right after h-word in publishing order. it details zim’s exploits in leaving foodcourtia, where he was assigned and infiltrating the invading academy he eventually graduates from (in this au, zim is too short to be an invader, which sucks because the hight minimums for the military are really short to begin with lmao)

the fic chronoligically after H-Word focuses on red and purple being back in their platoon on devastis, specifically red navigating his training and his relationships with two defective platoonmates, pon and zi (who are in h-word a little,) after the realization that he too is defective. it also focuses on how the irken military works, and how they train their soldiers. 

the first arc overall focuses on red and purple going thru training and such, and ends after they graduate and are on the field, working to get commander rank. (they planned to gain commander rank then leave and go back to heretirk to train an army there, as heretirk has.... no army.) in the middle of this, they’re pulled out and told they are to become the next tallest. they debate over staying and taking the job or just running to heretirk, and they ultimately decide to stay.

the next arc i call the “bridge,” tbh. its less tightly plotted than the other arcs; fics are spread apart from each other chronologically and all that. it spans the time after the tallest being appointed to a little after zim arrives on earth. it also has a couple of anthologies focusing on imperial defects- each chapter is a new character. these guys are all important and the easiest way for me to introduce their backstories without cluttering everything up is anthology style, lmao. other things that happen are a look into how the tallest work, eventually culminating with the resolution of the tallest having to Deal With Heretirk, tenn’s rescue from meekrob, and zim on earth obtaining a half-irken smeet named pip due to stealing an Unethical Science Experiment from dib (which is pip.) the bridge is basically just. “heres some stuff that happens between point A and point B so when we get to point B you’re not confused as all hell.” 

the next arc focuses on zim. in the first fic, pip is sick and zim is trying to get into his neighbor’s pants, to cope. this basically sets up that zim in this au has no idea how to find personal fulfillment in living- he’s only OK if he focuses on pleasing someone else, be it taking care of pip or doting on the neighbor, some rando human named piqu (pronounced, “peek.”) this is mainly a cute romance story with the underlying veneer of “a child is slowly and painfully dying” in the background. fun! 

without spoiling the circumstances, zim and pip end up on heretirk, which at this point is its own independent planet. pip is in the hospital for most of it so zim has to do his own thing. computer fans rejoice bc hes basically zims dad at this point, who tells him to go outside and get some fresh air and talk to the locals instead of schmooping or screaming in anxiety. im sneakily introducing more characters like ini, the “next-gen zim;” a short bio-engineer (she works on PAKs) who was constantly passed over by everyone because they dont trust someone that short or they dont trust someone that spazzy, even though shes actually brilliant. also her brother mo, who’s a pilot that NOBODY will teach military-class ships to (at this point, HTK has a population of ex-military that had their old ships, but still no formal army) because he doesnt talk and they think hes “slow” as a result. for the curious, he is physically able to talk most times, he just doesnt like it. zim ends up teaching him how to fly military-class which ends up being important laterrr

(haha ini and mo. wheres meenie and minie? ILL GET TO THEM)

no really, theyre quadruplets. named ini, myni, minie, and mo. these are real characters. 

minie isnt introduced till later. shes too cool to be the side character in someone elses arc. she is feel uncomfortable when we are not about her.

myni is busy palling around with pip and pip’s friend “elly” (real name elevenn, with two N’s.) elly is a half-meekrob War Crime Baby and tenn’s smeet. he has vision problems (he can “see” energy signatures of things, as opposed to conventional sight. everything is monochrome and he has to really focus to see like, words on a paper. also fuck tablets) but the trade-up is telekinetic powers (that he cant use too much or his brain will melt. fun!) this isnt relevant until the arc AFTER zim’s, where they end up poking around a historical site due to myni’s interest in that kind of thing, and they find logs of an old revolution (that was actually pretty successful in their goal, before they were caught and executed,) that lead them to a man named lefy. he helps with revolutions and helped these guys, and the trio go to seek him out; myni because he wants to impress his parents with helping them, pip because after they’ve recovered enough to walk around and do stuff, feel like they need to justify the choice to save their life and make their dad proud and all that, elly because he doesnt want pip to get hurt and die. And thats where the stuff REALLY starts happening and i cant tell u more sorry

this seemed kind of disjointed but thats bc i cant really be too detailed otherwise id like.... spoil it lmfao. but thats the summary of the first few arcs.

[bugborgs]

ENDGAME REACTIONS FROM MEMORY

quotes are not exact bc unfortunately i have the memory of a 90 year old granpa AND ALSO my reactions/recollection of events are absolutely NOT in order lol BUT

also again anyone who wants to is free to message me if u wanna talk about the movie or if you want spoilers i guess??? lol ALSO im gonna turn anon on like i said after i post this 

Someone in my theater actually brought a bigass infinity guantlet and wore it to the screening lol

I don't really like Tony much but ngl the opening scene with him and Nebula on the Milano was so good omg

I love Scott so muchSCOTT-CASSIE REUINUON WAS SO GOOD I CRY

i love that nebula and rhodey seem to be friends omg??? like she called him specifically to make fun of scott im djhkdjhsd

“Rhodey, be careful coming in, there’s an idiot on the landing strip”

hulk giving scotty a taco after his got blown away lmaooo

LOTS of cheers and clapping when cap held mjolnir!!! like SO much you guys

HUGE cheers when everyone was un-dusted

when t’challa, okoye, and shuri showed up, i heard several “Wakanda Forever!”’s from my audience

i think the guy sitting next to me even did the Wakanda Forever arm cross

LOTS of cheers from my audience when pepper showed up in an iron suit

lots of cheers when valkyrie showed up on her pegasus too!!

People were actually audibly crying at the end

there were at least a couple distinct criers i could make out

you will Know When if you've seen it

I wasn't one of the those people but no disrespect to those that did i feel u man

I DID however cry like a fucking bitch at Nebula's scenes

So many of them

Y'all I was near sobbing what the fuck

And Gamora???? Wtf TEARS

not. Happy that she's still Dead but ://///

"I have blasters, or you could use knives if you want"

"Ooh yes please use knives!"

Agfdjdhdhdjdg????

mantis what the fuck

Mantis darling.......you've been hanging out with Nebula too much jahsgshsgs

"As far as I'm concerned that is the ass of america"

"That IS America's ass"

I'm still crying about nebula

My endgame wishlist mostly came true lmao

They almost made me feel a Tiny emotion for Clint and nat so like

Good job marvel

Almost

CAROL’S SHORT HAIR AAAAAAAAAA

I'M GAY

IM SO GAY

I called nat dying but it was iN JOKE FORM LMFAO I joked about it with my friend for last minute predictions last night

And rhen it DID happen and I'm laughing fuck

I almost had like 10 heart attacks over Nebula this movie

Nebula. ........😭😭😭😭😭

"You can change" "he won't let me" fuck u marvel

"I tried to kill you several times. Then we became friends. And then sisters"

What the FUCK yall

Fuck

Peter dancing and singing along to come and get your love.......classic

"He's an idiot, isn't he?" "Yeah"

I'm not. suuuuuper happy about the Peter-Gamora scene

I know it's pre guardians Gamora so she like. Has no attachment to him or anything but

Idk it seemed callous to turn it into a joke after Peter's reaction + what happened in IW

i kind of laughed tho ngl but i hated myself for it kjsdfkhjfshkjs

I have mixed feelings about the Nebula - Gamora scene at the Avengers compound like I'm not mad? But it left me feeling SO SAD

I don't know how I feel

Nebula.................

im just gonna like

cry about nebula all night

fuck

y’all im so sad

Thor killed me this entire fycking movie

I wish we'd had more valkyrie but omg I'm so happy to see her

NEW ASGARD

Idrk how I feel about caps end?? like

ok i guess

i SERIOUSLY thought tho like

when they panned over to him on the bench

that they were gonna turn him around and he was gonna be just

a fuckin SKELETON

OLD MAN SKELETON

that would have been hilarious but also terrible and im glad it didnt happen but i also kind of wanted it to lol

Sam receiving caps shield tho...!!!!

Nebula should have killed thanos lol

Sorry you can't change my mind :)

that being said seeing thor fucking decapitate thanos was fucking amazing god bless

sidenote this movie was a lot?? bloodier than i was expecting esp with other marvel movies that avoiding showing blood/death

like the dora milaje killmonger killed in bp comes to mind considering hawkeye. slits a dude’s throat in this movie

and you see blood

lmfao

OK THAT’S??? A LOT?? OF THOUGHTS

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE MORE BUT THIS MOVIE WAS SO LONG Y’ALL I BARELY MANAGED TO REMEMBER ALL OF THIS

im still crying about nebula

im never gonna not cry about nebula

ANYWAYS I HAD A LOT OF FUN i wanna go rewatch it like. immediately. i still stand by my tag statement that i dont think it’s a perfect movie and i have some issues with it but honestly? most of my main wishes came true so i can like

not forgive it but i can overlook it :^)

[captainshyguy]

so uhh i watched endgame

im...gonna put my thoughts under a readmore nd tag as spoilers ofc but tbh??? i didnt enjoy it that much lmao 

like.....im gonna go over the negatives first tbh 

so like...listen i GET that steve’s ending was like.....happy for him and im glad for him and peggy but.....eh i....didnt like that babey 

nowhere NEAR enough black panther nd captain marvel 

im sorry but the scene with all the ladies was so fORCED GDFHJHDHFD you could feel them patting themselves on the back like ‘look at all these ladies!!! feminism!!!’ mayb give them a bigger role but okay! :) (though at the same time my mind did scream ‘lets go lesbians’ at that moment so far enough) plus them killing off natasha lichrally an hour ago nd tryna preach that was hysterical like...man i LOVE hawkeye but uhh,...he probably should have been the one to sacrifice himself like would have i been rly upset and listed it as a negative?? yea! but it’d still be the lesser of two evils here lmao

i...was super bored during the time heist stuff but thats probably bc i fucking hate time travel, like.....i honestly thought since thanos said he reduced the stones to a single atom that like...they’d b going into the quantum realm, going rly small and getting them but alright 

like....i did think that mayb they’d use the time stone or something so i was expectin,..some time travel kinda, hopefully not too much, but when they mentioned the quantum stuff i was like ‘oh!!!’ then i got disappointed when that wasnt it hdnjfkhfdnkj 

but yea the time travel explanation was...dumb lmao

gamora or nebula should have killed thanos sorry im super mad it want either of them, nebula ESPECIALLY 

i dont even like black widow that much but that was uh bullshit with her ngsgnsdjkggs 

i just.....i didnt find a lot of it enjoyable i was lowkey bored through a lot of it, especially before the final battle like...i GET what they were doing, but uhh i didnt like the time skip, and i get why there was lotsa...talkin nd i usually like that but i have to give a shit abt the characters we see nd natasha, tony nd bruce arent exactly high up on my list 

them showing how much thor has spiraled by makin him fat was uhh.....that rly how u gonna do it??? 

plus the whole bruce nd hulk being one was....again i GET IT but uhhhh didnt rly enjoy that, i think i’d like it more if they became friends isntead

steve nd bucky like...barely talked to each other at all lmao

that scene with the kids who took a pic with bruce was okay until they started the whole antman part of that joke i felt SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT

uhhh   neutral thing 

listen i dont care much abt tony so him dying was like?? a thing i guess??? honestly felt more bad for pepper nd the kid than tony himself, and i feel bad for some of my mutuals bc i know they like him! but yea i wouldnt say it was like??? a pro for me like i wasnt celebrating, tony’s okay but i didnt feel much abt it besides ‘damb....they did that huh’

good things 

uhhh ngl the scene where everyone came thru the portals to fight was uhh poetic cinema

AS WAS STEVEN LIFTING THOR’S HAMMER HMMHMHMHMHMMHMHM that was......im not...attracted to captain america at all rly but i was like ‘o sexy’ when that happened so 

carol’s hair....yum

uhhh steve passing the mantle onto sam???? POETIC CINEMA

korg being alive and playing fortnite was.....hysterical even if its gonna be so dated in the future gnhhkhfd

also carol, getting literally headbutted by thanos and not even flinching/moving an inch was sexy 

there was hardly any dr strange nd im glad i hate benedict cumberbatch jgkhjnskggnkdjs 

god im SO GLAD cap didnt die like i so thought he would i was terrified like....my bro was like ‘he’s basically dead’ dude’s got super soldier serum running thru his veins he’s fine bitch, probably has a longer lifespan hjkfhjdf  

scott was rly great and i loved him reuniting with cassie 

OH YEA NEBULA WAS INCREDIBLE SHE WAS A SHINING STAR THRU THAT GOTDAMN FILM

scott talkin abt steve’s ass was bi energy 

clint nd natasha’s lil forehead touch thing was uhhh..beautiful babey! in a friendship and romance way! 

so uhh yea liked parts of it, disliked most of the actual story/themes so lol defo one of my least fave marvel films 

[xiuminsberet]

the one kdrama that i will forever be salty about was Uncontrollably Fond. Its been like a year and im still mad at how they ended it. THEY BOTH DESERVED BETTER 

[lhassinu]

I got tagged by @brewka like eons ago and for once this is not a meme that just got buried in my likes but i..i honestly had such a hard time choosing?? and im still not completely happy with it but oh well it was so interesting to think about it and so much fun to do tho! thank you very much for taggin me!!!! <333

Me in 3 characters:

Todd Chavez (Bojack Horseman) aka of fuckin course 

Miyako Inoue (Digimon Adventure 02) aka ‘are you still relating to frikin digimon from your childhood?!’ no! ..maybe.. ......yes....... yes i am.

Yvan (L’Art) aka the one for which holioc severs all ties with me because she shares one of the masterpieces of the French drama with me and i make it into a meme.......................... imsorry pls dont leave me

some explanation and honorable mentions under the cut cuz this is just ShameTM but before that i tag @ghostspies @holioc @imaginesharks @mouthface @serpuns-a-lot @trinuska @nomadicplanets @vanishshi @velvetbaguette @aseriesofgayevents and anyone who wants to! (((im sorry for tagging so many people you dont have to read/like my shitty post i just really love this meme and wanna see what people do with it! and make it more or less fandomy thrash as you feel it!!! you dont have to do it if ya dont want to obviously!)))

okay so lets get this trainwreck rolling! everyone managed to explain it in few lines, not me, i just want to share personal info with strangers on the internet! :D

>>>Todd oh my god Todd, this goofball was the first one i came up with and the only one who actually stayed there until the end. i didnt relate to him THAT much in the first two seasons, i mean i did but im Very against drugs so i didnt really think about it but the 3rd one oh myyy it all just clicked... 

ok so almost the same age and obviously the childish side, that goes without sayin -_-

i try my best to be upbeat and excited (i have way too much love in my heart and i just cant contain it like a frikin 5 year old gddamnt)

pretty friendly too? and tryin to avoid conflict so much im unable to decide anything

WELL MEANING but fuckin up in the end ah ha ha.. yea.. 

lazy slacker too (though not yet to the point of living on a stranger’s couch for 5+ years welp we never know what future brings right) and im more than able to fuck up all my progress just cuz i got addicted to tumblr a videogame haha another thing that totally didnt happen to me right

and!!! the asexual part!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve binge watched the last two BH seasons and i planned to do the same for the 3rd one.. and then todd acted like he did and it was just hitting so close to home (lmao bonus points for sad irl stuff happening that got me waaaay more sensitive to ace stuff n generally realizing im ace) and i just Related so much but at the same time?? why would he be actually ace lol kao dont be stupid they would either play it off for laughs or just forget to deal with it.. I literally had to stop watching for a few weeks because i was just so sure he wont be ace but i didnt want to be heartbroken by one of my fav shows. AND THEN THEY DIDNT FORGET AND PUT THAT BEAUTIFUL DIALOGUE IN THE *FINALE*  ALL RESPECTFUL AND NOT AT ALL JUST A JOKE just.. validation ;u; 

>>>welp that got emo although i tried not to, lets focus on not spilling every detail about my personal life in the next one~ Miyako! 

she is so!!!! Excite!!!!! :D and always ready to cheer up her friends (tho she cant actually deal with anything worse than “im feeling a little unmotivated today :c”) 

she cant hide her emotions AT ALL!!  and so expressive!! is she sad? you bet your ass she will complain! but also she is always okay with the others doing the same although she is pretty jealous of people who CAN pretend everything is okay (at this point i could start using the ‘I’ pronoun instead of she/her lmao) 

all these random english catchphrases lmaooo i’ve managed to chill now but i still use some french/english ones in the irl talk you can pry ‘bref’ from my dead cold hands

not the Worst Fashion Disaster but close.. especially when left to her own devices in the digital world................. oh and glasses!

when stressed she tends to overreact and do the opposite of what she should be doing 

her ideal future was eating lotta cake, if this isnt relatable! (okay there was some deeper meaning but shoosh)

crushes...on everyone.... so easily..... also Painfully obvious :’’’D

my digisona is also this Intense girl with a serious digimon keeping her outta trouble 

>>> and Yvan! again im so sorry to every French person (see? i used a capital F that shows i mean it!) reading this cuz im probably just horribly disrespecting everything about this play... 

but just the way he introduced himself i was like “if this isnt me” from the start!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

stressed desperately lookin for somethin he JUST HAD A SECOND AGO and “je suis un garçon.....uhmmmmmmm...sympatique?” 

Conclusion: Yvan is relatable

tbh i feel v much like 80% his lines (”Si cela lui fait plaisiiiiiiiir” or “Calme-toi est la pire chose que tu puisses dire à quelqu’un qui a perdu son calme” hONESTLY)

and his self esteem and the way he talks about himself :’)

trying his best to stay neutral and help calm both sides, failing miserably

white lies are good for your health (spoilers: they are not and we never learn)

generally has no idea how to deal with bullshit (press A to run away press B to try more useless talking) 

pls dont leave the decision on me pls i dont want to have an Opinion

he forgives every bad treatment in a span of going down the stairs

im worried ill relate to his professional situation :’D

oh and hypochondriac 

OversharesTM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cries all the time which is abnormal for a boy of his age

Honorable mention goes to!!! some more digimons because apparently i mostly relate to stuff im currently being hyped about

Emil Nekola (YOI) because of his ~~Czech~~ nationality, fondness of hugs, positive friendly attitude and the fact that this boy has not a single clue whats going on my dude he has not a slightest idea my guy he is just confused 24/7 (and doesnt understand there is drama going on or drama in general) 

Joe (Digimon Tri) lmao i wish, he is more like goals tbh but still, that dialogue with Mimi hit waaaaayyyy too close to home for comfort...

Gazimon (Digimon) because i, too, am a lazy furry who is hecka supportive of her friends and just wants to spend all her time sunbathing/ fucking on computer/eating

i had some more but i didnt write them down and forgot..