#SHIT I just realized I never responded on Skype FIXING THAT NOW

[ladytemeraire]

craftingandfandom replied to your post: State of the LadyTem, 6/29/17

Well, one month later: how do you like being the team lead? Also, did you enjoy your visit home? How is your mom liking her bullet journal?

I’m really liking it so far! I still kind of feel like I have no clue what I’m doing in a lot of cases, but it’s getting better, partly because nobody else knows what they’re doing either. It’s a little frustrating because of how our files are divided/assigned though. The other four teams are roughly categorized by Acetabular Primary, Acetabular Revision, Femoral Primary, and Femoral Revision (we work in the Hips department in case that wasn’t clear lol), and then all my files are the miscellaneous stuff and general instruments. (I’ve seriously nicknamed one of my files “the kitchen sink DHF” because it’s got like 300 SKUs and it’s all just random general instrument crap.) So trying to accomplish some of the same tasks, or apply the same techniques to my files, is a little difficult and requires some lateral thinking.

I enjoyed my visit home, too. It was surprisingly busy, by which I mean we were over at my grandparents’ pretty much every single evening for a family meal of some kind, but that was tons of fun and also gave me something to do every day so I didn’t mind. Also I got to meet up with a long-time friend for the first time in ages, so that was fun.

Mom is liking her bullet journal when she remembers to use it, haha. I think it’ll be really helpful to her as she gets in the habit of using it, but developing that habit of “write down ALL the things!” is one that takes time, as well as remembering to write things down in the same place every time rather than on whatever scrap of paper you have laying around.

[watchmegetobsessed]

The Long Way Home // Shawn Mendes - part 4

Summary: Shawn takes some time off during the summer, hiding away in a beach house at the hamptons to try to get over his creative crisis and all that happened in his life lately. He meets his at first sassy neighbor, Sloan Westbury, a former Disney star, who abruptly left her scandalous life behind a year ago. Hidden from the world they form a surprising bond, but Sloan has been running away from everything that’s Shawn’s life while Shawn finds in her what he has been looking for. Inspiration.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

masterlist

She is kicking my butt. It’s a hot day at the Hamptons, there is not even one cloud lingering on the sky and though it’s still early, the sun is already burning down on us as we run along the shore. She is always ahead of me and even stops two times to wait for me with a smug grin on her face.

“And you were worried I’d be a better runner than you,” I pant when we stop at the beginning of a public beach. She is gulping fast from the water she brought and I do the same after pouring some of the still cold drink to my head.

“Living here is great, but there is not much to do. I’m used to the sand,” she shrugs fixing her hair as she looks around, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

“What else do you do?” I ask leaning on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

“Um, soul searching,” she unsurely replies. “Let’s start walking back,” she suggests and I nod as we pick up a steady and slow pace back.

“And how is soul searching going?” I ask hoping not to cross any lines again.

“Um… slow,” she chuckles with a grimace. “But at least I’m trying.”

“That’s all that matters,” I smile at her wiping my forehead.

“Uhuh,” she nods before starting to run. “Come on, let’s race!” she shouts and when I start running she is already too far ahead of me.

She beats me, reaching her deck way before me. I collapse next to her to the stairs and try to catch my breath as we both stare at the waves come and go. The only reason why I don’t feel ashamed for my heavy panting is that she is taking some pretty harsh breaths as well, a thin layer of sweat covering her skin.

“So, how is the rockstar life nowadays?” she suddenly asks and I’m quite surprised she started on this topic.

“Pretty hectic,” I say not really sure about how deep I should go into the details or why she is even asking in the first place.

“Is it really just a getaway or are you hiding from something?” Turning to me she narrows her eyes at me a bit, I’m sure she is trying to read me and I wonder what she sees in me right now.

“Wouldn’t say I’m hiding,” I shrug with a faint smile as I lean forward and grabbing a handful of sand I watch it escape through my fingers. “I just need some quiet to get my head straight again and hopefully get over my creative crisis.”

“So you are having trouble with writing?”

“Kind of,” I nod. Her bold choice of topic encourages me to turn it around and get some more out of her. “What are you having trouble with?”

Her expressions change pretty fast from curious to nervous and anxious as she fixes her gaze on her feet, hugging her knees to her chest.

“Um, mostly attention.”

“I’m sorry for how things turned out to be for you,” I say feeling her pain. There have been quite a few times when I felt like losing it when I couldn’t have the smallest amount of privacy.

“I surely didn’t do a good job at handling everything,” she chuckles bitterly.

“Losing your patience is not a crime. All of us has been there.”

“Yeah, but not in the way it happened to me,” she responds right away and from her tone I can tell she‘s been thinking about it for a long time. I have so many questions, but she quickly makes sure nothing else is asked as she jumps to her feet. “I’m starving. Do you like scrambled eggs?”

I nod, watching her walk into the house, leaving me with all those unanswered questions on my mind.

Luckily she doesn’t shut me out completely. We have breakfast together and she gives me a nice house tour before we crash on her couch and watch random shows on the TV. We talk a lot, I can feel how she is loosening up around me and it’s getting easier to find the common ground. She even shows me that she has a studio room similar to mine just smaller with one lonely guitar waiting there to be played.

“When was the last time you sang?” I ask her carefully grabbing the acoustic guitar from the stand, taking a better look at it.

“Months. I don’t even remember.” “Why did you stop? I heard you singing, you have a great voice.” My fingers run through the chords without even thinking about it while she is standing at the door with her arms crossed on her chest, almost as if she was afraid of getting closer to the instrument.

“It brings back too many memories,” she says and my heart aches for her. No one should feel pain when it comes to music.

“You want to come over sometime and help me out with my new songs?” I ask, truly surprising her. “I could really use another opinion.”

“Um, sure?” she shyly says and I give her an encouraging smile. Now I feel like it’s my task to bring back the joy to her mindset when it comes to music.

SLOAN

I guess I’m friends with Shawn Mendes now. The thought is still scary, but Olivia was right, he was the perfect person to start with. It started a little rocky, it was awkward having someone around, I was so used to being alone that his presence felt too unusual, but it soon took a nice turn. We have a lot to talk about and I feel like we haven’t even gotten over the small talks, so there’s a whole lot more to come.

We go running on Sunday too, this time I go easy on him and try to keep his pace so we run side by side until the public beach and then back. This time he makes breakfast at his place, but I don’t stay too long because I promised my dad I would Skype with him later.

It’s past five when I get things done around the house and catch myself longing to go over to Shawn’s and check out what he is doing. I’m already halfway to his place when the front door springs free and he walks out with a redhead guy. I immediately freeze, my whole body tensing up at the sight of a stranger. I’m just about to turn around and go back when Shawn sees me and waves at me.

“Sloan! Hey!” he calls out.

“Shit,” I mumble under my breath as I slowly make my way towards the guys.

“Hey, this is my friend, Brian,” Shawn cheerfully introduces me to the guy, who is now curiously eyeing me from head to toe.

“Um, hi,” I say awkwardly.

“Sloan, it’s nice to meet you!” he finally smiles at me holding out his hand and I give it a short shake.

“I’m just about to drive Brian to the airport, want to join? We can grab dinner on our way back.”

Brian gives his friend a look that I can’t really interpret and it’s gone pretty fast. Shawn is smiling at me kindly, waiting for my answer and I don’t know what to say.

“I uhh…”

“Come on, it’s just a car ride,” he urges and I feel like I can’t say no to him.

“Okay.”

Ten minutes later we are all sitting in Shawn’s car, me on the front passenger seat, Brian in the back and Shawn behind the wheel.

“So how do you guys know each other?” I ask, trying to start a conversation with something light, easy to talk about.

“We went to high school together,” Shawn smiles back at his friend from the mirror who scoots forward and pops his head between our seats.

“Yeah, we knew each other in our most embarrassing years.”

“And you still hang out?” I ask surprised. Fame destroys most relationships originated before it, I experienced it on my own skin unfortunately.

“This asshole comes with me basically everywhere,” Shawn chuckles earning a smack on the shoulder from Brian.

“Have you ever went to real high school, Sloan?” Brian turns to me and I just shake my head. Never got the real high school experience, never went to prom, never went to football games. I was stuck at sets rehearsing my lines and doing endless takes running on 4 hours of sleep.

“Do you wish you went?” Shawn asks glancing at me for a second before turning back to the road.

“I wish I had the fun part, not the classes and tests.”

“Yeah, no one likes that part,” Brian scoffs making you smile. “So are you planning on making a comeback?” he suddenly asks and Shawn is quick to show his elbow into Brian’s chest. “Hey, that hurt!” he whines leaning back in his seat.

“Stop being nosy!”

“I was just asking! I don’t think that it’s offensive,” Brian says defending himself.

“You don’t have to answer,” Shawn tells me, but I feel like I should answer.

“It’s alright. Um… I don’t think I’ll ever comeback. I mean, I probably won’t perform or anything.”

“But would you do anything else?” Brian questions and it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

Performing is definitely not something I’ll ever want to do again. The stage is not for me anymore, but working behind the scenes is more than appealing. If I could ever get back to writing music.

“Maybe. Not right now,” I say with a shy smile. I feel Shawn’s gaze on me as I stare ahead and I wonder what he is thinking about, but I’m too scared to ask him.

We drop Brian off and head back home. The silence in the car is not awkward, but quite heavy as we both are deep in our thoughts. We get some burgers from a drive-through and decide to crash at his place.

“I’m sorry if Brian was too pushy, he just can’t contain himself sometimes,” he apologizes as the two of you are settling down at his dining table.

“It’s alright. Olivia says I should start opening up.”

“Olivia?” he asks with a puzzled look and I realize he doesn’t know who I’m talking about.

“Oh, she is my best friend,” I add and he nods.

“So, I was thinking,” he starts, glancing at me over the table. “Do you want to jam a little after dinner?”

“Shawn, I haven’t sung in months, I don’t know…” I sigh.

“Singing is like riding a bike. You never forget how to do it.”

You smirk at him, quite sure he won’t let it go, so you just nod your head.

 SHAWN

I bring one of my guitars out of the studio room and we sit on the porch just in time to watch the sunset as well. Sloan is hugging her knees to her chest, she has run over to her place for a hoodie that is at least four sizes bigger than her.

My fingers softly play the chords, feeling them a little bit while her eyes are glued to my hand.

“So, what songs do you know?” I ask her, wanting to start with something she knows and likes.

“Um… You choose,” she nervously says and I try to think of a song that she might know.

“Give me a lead. Any artists you like?”

“Maybe Ed Sheeran?” she offers and my hands start playing before I could even think.

“Give me love like her,” I start singing, hoping I remember all the lines to the song. She sits there, amazed by my hands on the guitar, slightly moving to the sides following the rhythm.

“Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone, paint splattered teardrops on my shirt.”

I can see the goosebumps on her bare legs and I know it’s just a matter of time until she starts singing.

“Maybe tonight I’ll call ya, after my blood turns into alcohol. No, I just wanna hold ya.”

I slam my fingers harder against the strings and I can’t hold my grin back when she starts singing with me.

“Give a little time to me or burn this out. We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around.”

Her voice is breathtaking, I can’t take my eyes off of her while hers are now closed as she gets lost in the melody. She hits the right notes so easily as if she has been rehearsing the song all her life.

When the refrain is over I let her sing the next verse alone. Her eyes pop open, she gets anxious hearing only her voice, but I smile at her widely, encouraging her to just continue singing.

I join her for the last part and after playing the last chords I wish I recorded it, because it was truly perfect.

“Sloan, your voice is… beautiful!” I tell her not able to contain my enthusiasm.

“A little rusty,” she shyly shrugs, tugging her hair behind her ears.

“Not at all. Music is really your word.”

She doesn’t answer, but I can tell she is battling with herself and I just can’t see her struggle about something that should bring joy to her.

“Shut the world out. What happened is in the past, use music to guide you forward in life.”

A small smile appears on her lips.

“You should be a motivational speaker.” I chuckle leaning back.

“Maybe.”

We stay on my porch for a long time, it’s pitch black when we end our jamming session. I managed to make her sing some of her favorite songs and even showed her some of the riffs I’ve been working on. I could tell she had some advices but she held them back just yet. Maybe next time she’ll be braver.

We say goodbye and she walks back home. I watch her figure getting farther until she disappears in her house. My mind is still playing melodies inside my head and for some reason Bad Reputation is stuck on repeat.

“She’s got a bad reputation, she takes the long way home,” I sing to myself walking inside and bringing the guitar back to the studio room as I hum the lines quietly.

“And I don’t care what they say about you baby, they don’t know what you’ve been through.”

[emnotcanon]

Life of the Party

pairing: Calum x reader

word count: 1.8k

A/N: This is only my second time posting and I would love some feedback! Also endings are hard. 

And it's four in the morning, I'm just trying to fix myself

What the hell did I do? I’m the life of the party

Another night and another party. You were never one to go out, too self conscious and socially awkward to feel comfortable in that environment. Calum on the other hand, loved it. Loved the feeling of the buzz the alcohol provided and the atmosphere of tons of people together just having fun.  You were supportive of his going out, never saying anything when he went out night after night until it seemed like he was never home anymore.

It was the fourth night in a row that he was going out to party and this time, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed. You were in the midst of making a great dinner for the two of you and he had promised the other night, albeit drunk, that he would be home to eat it. You were just putting the chicken in the oven when you got the text saying he wouldn’t he home for dinner and not to wait up for him.

It hurt. You had planned this all out and were going to talk to to him and try and rekindle what seemed to be a relationship falling apart. Now you didn’t know what to do. You felt like crying but instead, you finished cooking your meal. You could at least enjoy a good meal, even if you had to eat by yourself again. You didn’t bother texting him back, knowing he was probably at the club already anyway. You ate your delicious meal in silence, the only sound Duke begging for a taste.

Once you were done you put the leftovers in the fridge and camped out on the couch. You didn’t want to sleep in the empty bed again tonight. It was a Friday so you decided to treat yourself and eat some ice cream while watching a chick flick or two. You didn’t last long through the movie before you started crying. It was all too much. Seeing the happy couple on the screen, you couldn’t help but compare it to what you and Calum used to be. You didn’t know what had happened to make it a past tense, and wondered if it was something you did.

From there, your thoughts went spiralling. You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he wanted to break up but just didn’t want to be the one to initiate it so he was pushing you away in hopes you would end it. That was the logical conclusion your mind came to and it just made you cry harder. You cuddled a pillow to your chest and cried it out. Duke came to comfort you and you let him on the couch, needing some type of companionship. You fell asleep like that, hugging the pillow with Duke curled up by your feet.

It wasn’t until much later that Calum came home, waking you up slightly as he stumbled around. You kept your eyes closed, praying he didn’t see you, you didn’t want a confrontation while he was drunk. Your hopes were not answered as he turned on the living room light, expecting you to be upstairs sleeping.

“Y/N?” he whispered in surprise. You sighed and sat up, hoping your face wasn’t puffy enough for him to know that you had been crying. Of course it was though.

“Have you been crying?” he asked, immediately sobering up a little.

“It’s fine Cal, let’s just get you to bed,” you said standing up and getting Duke off the couch. You walked over to him but the concerned look never left his face.

“It’s not fine, you’ve been crying. Why were you crying?” he asked as you started walking towards the stairs.

“It’s nothing,” you said trying to get him to drop it.

“Please don’t lie to me Y/N,” he said, reaching out to gently grab your arm. You turned around quickly.

“Oh, like how you lied about being home for dinner tonight?” you snapped. You had had enough. It didn’t matter anymore that he was drunk. You needed to voice your concerns.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, letting your arm go so he could drag his hands over his eyes.

“It’s fine. It’s not like I don’t see you anymore. Like you’re only ever home in the mornings for about half and hour and then it’s off to the studio and another party,” you snarked.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, looking at you with pained eyes.

“What happened to us Cal?” you asked sadly, your eyes searching his.

“I got scared,’ he said, closing his eyes. “I got scared that you deserved better so I went out and drowned my thoughts in booze and tried not to see you.”

“What?” you asked, not expecting that at all.

“I’m scared one day you’ll wake up and realize you deserve so much better so I tired distancing myself so it would hurt less,” he said, opening his eyes that were now a little glassy with unshed tears.

“Cal, why would you think that?” you whispered, your heart breaking a little.

“Because all the others have left, said I was too much. That I wasn’t a good enough of a boyfriend to make them stay,” he said a few tears slipping out of his eyes. Your heart broke completely at the sight.

“Oh Cal,” you said stepping towards his and wrapping your arms around his waist, tears gathering in your eyes.

“You’re everything I could want and more,” you said as he buried his head in your neck.

‘But-” he started but you cut him off.

“No, they were wrong. You’re not too much, you’re not a bad boyfriend. They were wrong,” you said sternly, squeezing him a little tighter as you felt the wetness on your neck. You knew this wasn’t the best time to have this discussion, you wanted him sober so he could really believe you.

“Let’s get you to bed, okay? And we can talk about this in the morning when you’re sober,” you said, pulling away a bit to look at his face. The area around his eyes was a little blotchy from crying and you reached up to wipe away the remaining tears before you took his hand and lead him up the stairs and to bed.

You helped him out of his day clothes and into some pajamas before doing the same yourself. You got him to brush his teeth with you and then led him to bed, allowing him to curl up with his head resting on your chest. He was out like a light, exhausted from all the partying and crying. You stayed up into the night trying to figure out what to say to him when he woke up.

The next morning you woke up to an empty bed and were immediately a little alarmed. You tried not to think anything of it and traveled downstairs to look for Calum. You found him with his back to you at the stove, the kitchen smelling of eggs and bacon. You walked over to him, carefully wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning your forehead on his bare back.

“You’re up early,” you said, deciding to start off easy.

“Didn’t sleep well last night so I eventually just gave up and came down here,” he admitted, still not turning to look at you. This was a little odd but you let it slide.

“I’m sorry you didn’t sleep good, I thought you would with how tired you were last night.”At the mention of last night you felt the muscles in his back tense up and knew that something was wrong.

“Hey,” you said softly, gently trying to turn him around to face you. He fought you for a moment but gave up with a sigh, turning around and revealing his tired, puffy eyes. You forced yourself not to gasp at the sight.

“Have you been crying?” you asked, reaching up to cup his cheek.

“No, this is just the aftermath of last night,” he said tightly. You nodded in understanding, knowing he wanted to say more.

“I’m sorry for last night. I was drunk and let my emotions get the best of me,” he said looking at you like he really wanted your forgiveness.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Everybody has emotions, everybody cries sometimes, everybody gets scared,” you responded, shaking your head. “And I know you don’t like sharing that type of thing but I’m always here for you.”

“I know, it’s just-it’s just hard,” he exhaled. You nodded in sympathy and let him turn around again to get the eggs and bacon before they burned. He put the food on two plates and brought them over to the island where you both sat down to eat. You two were silent for a few minutes before Calum cleared his throat.

“Where do we go from here?” he asked, not looking up from his plate.

“We talk about this and figure it out,” you said confidently.

“But I made you cry,” he said, looking up at you sadly.

“You did. But last night you also sort of explained yourself and if we talk more I’m sure everything will work out,” you said, reaching a hand over to cover his.

“I just-I’m so scared that one day, you’re going to realize that I’m not worth it and walk away,” he said, looking down at your hand over his.

“Do you trust me?” you asked after a second.

“Yes?” he said questioningly.

“Then trust me when I say that you’re everything to me Cal. I love you so much and you’re stuck with me for a long time.”

“But I’m distant and I am gone for long periods of time and-”

“Hey, stop that. Don’t sell yourself short,” you said squeezing his hand. “You’re talking to me right now about something hard, I wouldn’t call that distant. And yeah, you’re gone sometimes, but you’re living your dream and there’s phone calls, skype, and planes. It’s not like you disappear off the face of the earth.” Calum looked up at you again, wonder in his eyes.

“How can you be so chill about all this?”

“I love you Cal, and I never want to lose you. If you being gone is something that comes with all the good times and love, I can deal with it,” you said smiling, knowing you were slowly getting through to him. His eyes searched yours for a few seconds before he seemed to relax. “I love you too,” he said leaning over to kiss the top of your head.

As the two of you cleaned up after your breakfast, washing dishes full of laughter and kisses, you knew things were going to be okay. You hadn’t eradicated his fears but you were getting there and you loved each other. It would all turn out okay.

[wintersxsoul]

We are stardust (10)

Summary: Your favorite place on New York is a small coffee shop, what happens when one day you bump into a mysterious goth god and he keeps coming just to see you?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 1780

Warnings: Language and all that shit. I cried writing this, so thats a warning.

A/N: This is really the end. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and love this fic is having. I am very self-conscious with my art and in general, and you liking this as you are is really helping me, a lot. I hope you stick around for the next works I have in mind and thank you for coping with my angst. Please, the songs that I mention are kind of important to understand what they are feeling, so I’ll link you. 

From Bucky’s POV: Come back when you can (first song mentioned)

From Y/N’s POV: Ocean (last song mentioned)

The cab drove through the streets of New York, while you were fighting with yourself. Head over heart. Staying or leaving. You did believe him, you knew he was sincere and it was Dot’s doing, but you were tired of the situation, of her. You loved her with all your heart and soul, you gave her everything you could offer and she just hurt you at the end. You couldn’t stop thinking about her all the way to the airport, and you were actually glad you did, because thinking about your friends and Bucky was way too more painful. A part of you wished to really forget about everything and just go back to his arms, but you needed time and space. You knew you loved him, with a pure and raw love, with no flaws, no regrets, but sometimes love wasn’t enough. You needed to let go of your past and forgive yourself for what you did, you needed to move on from Dolores. You had at least half hour more to arrive, so you plugged in your sound cancelling headphones and pushed the shuffle option. When the first seconds of the song played, you couldn’t believe your atrocious luck, but then you understood why it wasn’t that bad. You and Bucky made a collaborative playlist on Spotify, it seemed to be a really long time ago, and the last song was added right after your meeting at the coffee shop. His audacity made you giggle, but tears were streaming down your face when the lyrics hit you.

Please take your time

But you've got to know that

I am taking sight

Oh, you look good

With your patient face and wandering eye

Don't hold this war inside.

He really was the person you wanted to be with the rest of your life, and maybe it was too fast to think that way, but you couldn’t control that. Maybe if you left, you wouldn’t see him anymore, maybe he would forget about you. Maybe, after all, you were not meant to be together.

You left your home

You're so far from

Everything you know

Your big dream is

Crashing down and out your door

Wake up and dream once more.

You looked out the window, feeling like a complete mess, and honestly, you felt like the protagonist of a sad indie music video. It was raining outside, the teardrops fighting against each other, the ones who arrived first won, the others were just banished as they merged into one single drop. You pressed your warm hand to the window, feeling the coldness of your home, saying goodbye for a while to everything you’d built here.

Come back when you can

Let go, you'll understand

You've done nothing at all to make me love you less

So come back when you can

Come back, I'll help you stand

Let go and hold my hand

If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less

So come back when you can.

When the song ended, you were a crying mess. You leaned into the window, and drift off into a dreamless sleep.  

“Excuse me, ma’am. We’re here.” A female voice woke you up. You blinked and smiled at her, embarrassed because you had fallen asleep.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sure I’ve been the worst client of the day.” You said, laughing softly. She shot you a huge smile and clicked her tongue jokingly.

“Hey girl, you’ve actually been the best. An hour without mansplaining about my own job and harassment? Sign me the fuck up.” You laughed and for a second, she made you forget why you were at the airport.

“Actually, can I get your number? I’ll be coming back possibly on a month, and it would be an honor to be your break time hour.” She laughed again, and gave you her number. You paid her and got off the car, and before you could turn around and leave, she grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you into a hug. At first, you were confused, but you realized your whole body was screaming for a comforting touch.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, I’m sure you’ll overcome it. Give yourself time and self care, and everything will make sense again.”

“Thank you so much, I really needed this. By the way, I’m Y/n.”

“I’m Megara, but you can call me Meg or whenever you want to.” She winked at you, got in the taxi, and left.

You sighed and entered the building, ready to leave everything behind for a while. You can do this. After checking in and passing the security checkpoint, you sat in a starbucks to have a coffee while you waited to board. You were scrolling through your twitter timeline when someone called you. It was an unknown number, so you took the call.

“Hello?” Someone gulped at the other side, and a shiver ran down your spine. Please, don’t be you.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, so just listen to what I have to say.” You fixed your glasses and pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Go on, Dot.” You said, actually relieved that it was her and not Bucky or the girls.

“I want to apologize. For everything. For all the lies, the broken promises, for Bucky...I know you may not believe this, but I did what I did for love. I still love you Y/n, and I know I will for a long time. But this is not about me, not anymore. I just wanted James and you to break up, but after seeing how miserable you both were and how you looked at each other…” She sniffed and cleared her throat. You knew Dot very well, and she was not the type of person to open up out of the blue, so she really must have felt bad. “I really don’t expect you to forgive me nor I’m asking you to. I saw James after you left, and he told me you were leaving somewhere. He is so heartbroken and it’s all my fault.” Her voice trembled and she started crying, soft sobs escaping her lips. “I’m so sorry I brought so much pain to the two of you. Have a good life and be happy, Y/n.” A single tear fell from your eyes after she ended the call, and you wiped it off before it fell to the table. You’ve cried enough. You stood up and made your way towards the boarding gate.

You took your phone, opened the spotify app and added a song to Bucky’s playlist, then you opened your contact list and texted him.

Y/n: I believe you, sorry I ever doubted you. But I have to do this. I have to get away from the toxicity that poisoned me these past three weeks. I hope you understand and please, take care of yourself. I hope we can fix this in the future or at least be friends. I’ll block and delete your number after sending this text. I will miss you and remember that I will always adore you.

FIVE MONTHS LATER

“Girls, I’m going to work a little bit. I’ll be at the coffee shop! Love you.” You shouted to the apartment before closing the door behind you. It was good to be back. You made your way towards your still special place on earth, your bag full of your drawing materials and your laptop. You were wearing your favorite mom jeans, with high top converse and Bucky’s NASA sweatshirt, stolen a long time ago. You missed him everyday, but you couldn’t find the courage to tell him you were back.

You spent a couple of weeks at your brother’s house, but you were slowly killing yourself. You hated your hometown and its people, you weren’t on speaking terms with your family and you had no friends left there. So after those weeks, you booked the cheapest flight you found and ended up living for five months in between Vienna and Bucharest, with just the bare minimum. You worked as a waitress and also had time to draw and write. You had always wanted to do travel journals, so that’s what you did. Every weekend, you visited new cities and countries. You wrote almost three journals. You missed New York with all your heart, and the worst days always were after you skyped with the girls, you really missed them. Marie was a Literature professor in the NYU, Wanda left her shitty job and opened her own library and Nat became the CEO of the New York Times. Meg and you hit it off quite fast, she even came to visit you for a couple of days, and after a goodbye kiss and a promise to still be friends, you realized you were still in love with Bucky.

You ordered your regular Earl Grey tea and sat at your spot, feeling happy and content with your life. After a few hours, the small bell from the door rang, making people gasp, cough, clear their throats or fall into complete silence. You frowned, unaware of what was going on and then you turned around, your whole world falling into your feets. There he was, standing in the middle of the shop, staring at you like you were a ghost. 

You stood up and made your way towards him, his eyes widening at the sight of you. You looked beautiful, as always, but there was something different in you. Your hair was shorter, and you gained the weight you’d lost all those months ago, your cheeks had their pinkish color and your eyes were full of joy. Is she real? He thought, not quite believing he finally was seeing you after all this time. You were now mere inches away, your chests almost pressing together, and before you could open your mouth, you were pulled into his arms. Your body responded immediately, screaming at you that you were finally home. You pushed away, placing your hands carefully on his strong chest and looked at him straight into his eyes.

“I’ve been waiting to tell you since the first day I saw you, that I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.” He smiled, his cheeks reddening and his eyes tearing up.

“I love you so much, Y/n, words could never make justice to all these feelings.”

He pulled you closer once more, tilting his head and kissing you. All the shop burst into claps and cries of joy, even from Susan.

You started laughing and so did Bucky, you held his hands in yours and went to sit on your spot. Like nothing ever changed.

You both were finally home.

[godzillamendoza]

Leaving Behind 2017 - Relationships are haaaarrrrdddd

So much to some people’s surprise I’m sure, I’ve been with a couple girls this past year. Like real ones, not those ones that holographically project themselves over prostitutes that you can install in your ceiling. (does anyone get that joke? No one saw that movie but me, right?) Ah jeez.

Gotta learn to quit automatically deflecting with humor when something stressful comes up. Gahh! This is a healing/learning experience. 

Okay, so context is important. I know all of this is stuff from before 2017, but it leads into how this year went so its important to cover: in 2015 I had my first girlfriend, whom I shall not refer to by name. She and I dated on and off for about 5 months and it was the first real relationship I had been in. We started dating after I told her no 2 times. The third time she asked me to be her boyfriend, her friend was there and they sort of pressured me into it so I just went with it. Then I had my first kiss with a crowd of her friends standing around me, watching to make sure I followed through on the day after. The majority of our conversations were through text or skype, even though we went to the same school. She was just too busy to ever hang out with me outside of school. She was often jealous of me talking to other girls, she mocked me constantly and called all my hobbies “nerd shit” and rolled her eyes at me when I said I didn’t want to smoke weed with her. Then she told me she’d be hanging out with a guy named Patrick at her house after she met him over snapchat. I was obviously a little worried about it and she told me I was being controlling and needed to back off, so I did. Then a week later I tracked down Patrick and confronted him, asking why she was suddenly so cold and distant. He bragged to me about how good of a time they had together and how she complained about me constantly. He said the sentence “she’ll be mine by the end of the week.” Being cheated on by your first girlfriend in addition to some emotional abuse and being kept at a distance constantly... well all of it is like a perfect storm of PROBLEMS that you’ll have to deal with later. We broke up after I told her that I knew what they did, though it was like 2 weeks later because I was naive and forgiving at first. She’s dated around 5-7 people since that venture ended 2 years ago, so clearly she learned a lot from it. She also offered to go out with my again while she was dating another guy, which caused me to... well let’s just say I wrote a very long, very mean spirited message that I don’t regret.

Naturally, after all that, my self esteem was subterranean. I had a lot of image problems due to her comments on my appearance. I had severe trust issues with... well pretty much everyone. I had problems liking myself and I just needed outlets to focus on while I was lost. So I started making more videos on comic book stuff. While I was dating this girl I made a short video essay/editorial thing on my thoughts for casting Spider-Man in the Marvel cinematic universe. She was quick to dismiss it, but I felt like it was the first thing on YT that I was truly proud of and I wanted to make more. After we broke up I did that video about Spider-Man videogames you might have seen once or twice. It currently has over 400 THOUSAND views. I owe it to this girl I suppose, she made me so miserable that I accidentally became a z-list internet celebrity to take my mind off being miserable. It didn’t exactly fix my emotional issues, but it was a coping method that was better than becoming a meth addict or something.

--so on to 2017. This was the year where I started dating again. Obviously I would still have a lot of baggage after that first girl and everything that happened with her. I met a rather mousy girl in high school who I’ll refer to as... uh... how about Sandra? That’s extremely far off from her real name. Sandra. Well anyway, I met Sandra in high school and we kinda became friends. I wasn’t all that attracted to her physically. I’m still not. She’s not ugly, nor is it a shallowness thing, she’s just not really my type. I’m not the guy to just “take whatever I can get.” So it was a difficult decision when she told me how utterly heartbroken she was when she had no date to prom. I figured it would give me a good excuse to go to the prom and I would be making someone else happy, so I took her. And from that point forward she became rather infatuated with me and I made the hideous mistake of “just going with it” so I didn’t hurt her feelings. I tried my damnedest to find things to like about her as a girlfriend, but we were really a pretty bad fit. Plus, we had this sort of non-commital and strange relationship where we didn’t consider ourselves a couple, but still ended up holding hands or hanging out outside of school a lot. Sandra had never dated anyone before and I was a trainwreck because of the girl from 2015, so it was this stilted and halfhearted attempt at romance. 

She wrote me a letter once, confessing her feelings about me and the way she thought of me at night. She was too nervous to give it to me in person, and had a mutual friend deliver the note. It was full of grammatical and spelling errors, and her handwriting lacked something to be desired. I was both honored... and slightly put off by it. She was 18 years old, with her own car and a paying job, but her methods of going after this relationship reminded me of the silly things I did in 5th grade. I guess that’s when I realized that I couldn’t keep leading her on and that it wasn’t really meant to be. I was looking for something a little more serious and age appropriate, but she still couldn’t handle something like that and I didn’t really feel for her how she felt for me. So I... just couldn’t figure out what to tell her. I ended up using graduation as a means to distance myself. We were moving off to different colleges with different goals and ambitions. I felt guilt for a long time for just brushing her off without saying anything beyond “I’m not really at a good place for a relationship right now, mentally.” Which was the truth, but I felt like I could have said more. We’ll put a pin in the story of Sandra for the time being, because it has a more clear resolution later. 

Shortly before graduation, I received a piece of fan art on twitter that was truly special. It was probably one of the most accurate and detailed pictures of me anyone had ever drawn. Whoever did it clearly spent a lot of time staring at my old mug to make it happen and I was really impressed with it. I showed it to my classmates to not-so-humbly brag about my following online (come on, I had to be excited about something SOMETIMES, its not like I did it more than that one time). Then to my surprise I saw that there was a particularly pretty girl in the profile picture of the person that sent me this piece of fan art. I think my female audience is kind of small, so I was really happy to see one of them sending fan art and kind words. Plus I thought she was cute. 

I sent her a DM on twitter saying that I thought it was really cool and probably one of my favorite pieces of fan art ever, she responded and we just kind of started talking from there. The more I learned about her, the more I liked her. We had a SCARY amount of things in common. Like, favorite comics, movies, books. We shared a similar sense of humor, we had the same extremely jaded reaction to fictional violence and laughed while looking at covers of “Crossed” together. We even took the same type of antidepressant medication. I fell for her really quickly, probably in the first 15 minutes of what would be a 9 hour conversation. Of course our mutual insomnia kept us from caring about sleep and we just kept talking and sharing stories and pictures of cosplay. I felt like I had never felt before. For the sake of protecting her identity, let’s say her name is uh... Lila. Sure, some of you internet detectives might be able to find out her real name, but I ask you... please don’t harass her or ask her about any of this. Respect her privacy, respect her decisions, and respect her in general. 

So, Lila and I made an amazing match it seemed. She made me feel... like I had been found after being lost again. Part of me resigned to this notion that I’d never meet a girl who I had things in common with. Maybe I’d live my life with my interests and dreams being silly to the women I spent my time with, or worse, boring. Lila treated me like the things that I did and talked about were interesting. She thought I was cool. It helped undo a lot of self loathing just talking to her for that first 3 days. I was walking with a spring in my step at school for the final few days, I was singing in my choir class instead of just lip syncing, I was acting like I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, because at least she thought I was interesting, and that was all I needed. In a way, just meeting her was what I needed to get over a lot of pain, and I’ll always be thankful for her giving that to me. We didn’t have to be in a relationship, I just needed the validation of knowing girls like her existed. She stayed up until 4 Am with me on school nights, talking with me through text or skype helping me stay awake to finish studying for my geography test. We spent hours just talking about our lives and what we thought of the world. We shared our experiences battling depression. Eventually she told me that I made her happy when nothing else could and I said the same. In almost a week it felt like we knew each other for a life-time. So at 3 AM one night I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. The problem with that was... she lived in a different country.

 I never really considered that part until after it was too late. Long distance relationships have always seemed like a huge gamble to me, but I was willing to risk it for Lila. And for about a month, it was working REALLY well. We would watch movies together on skype, share ideas for cosplays, and just chat until the sun came up every night. She even helped me bake apology cupcakes for my mom at 5 AM after I carved a spider logo into the kitchen table on accident. I was feeling freaked out because I felt genuinely happy for the first time in two years and I was just waiting for some anvil to fall on me and everything to be ruined. But the distance and our age became a problem. We were both at the very end of high school, just about to go to college and unsure of where life would go. She mentioned that she was thinking about traveling abroad to go to college. I had a conversation about it with my mom and BOY did she take it far immediately. “Ask her to go to your college! She could move in with us! We have the room now! You could drive her to school every day and eventually get your own place and get married and have kids and blah blah blah blah...”

My mother was just excited. She’s also been going through relationship problems too in the last year, and was just living vicariously through me. My mom wanted something to be stable and long lasting and fun, but she didn’t realize that it was too early to ask Lila for these things... and I... like a complete idiot... asked Lila if she wanted to go to college with me and live in America with me. I pretty much asked her to move in with me after knowing her for 6 weeks. She still had a lot to learn about me, and vice versa. We were worlds apart and it would have been a huge step if she only lived down the street, let alone in a different country. I shouldn’t have asked, and I ESPECIALLY, shouldn’t have asked more than once. I still feel like an idiot for it to this day and it was nearly 6 months ago. Then things started getting worse, mostly due to my previous relationships bleeding into my actions. 

The girl I dated in 2015 cheated on me because I was so hesitant to be physically intimate with her. That creates a lot of doubt and shame, so I started asking Lila how she felt about that sort of thing if we were to meet in person one day. She became uncomfortable with the subject and I very awkwardly tried to steer the conversation away from it. Then a message meant for someone else accidentally got sent to her without context that SEVERELY damaged the situation. When being asked about the price of something by a friend, I sent back a number, which went to Lila and without context “... about 8.50″ looks VERY... weird? Maybe even kinda threatening if you misconstrue it the right way? I looked like the biggest creep/moron! So I tanked that 4 AM conversation pretty hard, and then listened to some very, very poor advice from a friend who said “just try to be casual with her about that stuff.” Because of my internal fears of her being bored with me if things didn’t get hot and heavy now and then, I started awkwardly making more casual references and jokes regarding sex over the following two days. It made her uncomfortable, and she kept quiet about it, so I kept doing it until I just couldn’t anymore. I had to tell her that I didn’t like it either and that I was doing it because I was worried she’d end up getting tired of a relationship where it wasn’t a factor. I held her to the same standards as the girl from 2015, and it was unfair. She wouldn’t cheat on me if I didn’t bring up intimacy constantly, and I was stupid for thinking she might. I won’t make excuses, but I will say why I did that. And I know I learned from it and won’t do that ever again. That made things a little more tense and over time, we started having other issues as well. 

Lila made an off handed reference to some passage of her diary she wrote about me in the last few days we talked. The thing she said concerned me, as it didn’t sound positive at all. I pressed her on it because I was worried it was just several pages of her listing off the things she hated about me. Eventually she broke and read it off, and it was just several pages of her listing off the things she hated about me. She disliked my dress sense and hated my clothes, she thought the way I ate food was stupid looking(???) she felt weird about dating me for my RACE, because apparently she didn’t talk to many white guys except me. She spent hours of her personal time writing about superficial things about me that she didn’t like, and thus my self image problem had returned and I didn’t wear button up shirts for 4 months. I asked her if there was anything she DID like about me, and after a long time of struggling to find something to say, she said she liked my sense of humor and that I was nice to her. Which are... kinda general reasons to like someone? Like, non-specific and sort of forced. Then over the next few weeks she started insulting me a lot more. She developed a habit of casually calling me a... derogatory term for homosexual... (not sure what twitter’s policy is on cussing and slurs, currently so I don’t want to say it) and saying hurtful things randomly. I figured it was time to accept that the honeymoon phase was over and that she didn’t like me nearly as much as she initially thought. She didn’t like me nearly as much as I liked her. Then the final straw happened. 

Being in a relationship with someone so far away can be stressful, because your ability to speak to them is entirely dependent on the use of the internet and all its various outlets. If she were to just decide one day she didn’t like using Facebook messenger anymore and delete it, I wouldn’t be able to speak with Lila through it unless I used something else. So when she casually deleted messenger one day, I just... couldn’t hear from her anymore. She never told me she was going to do it, so all of my messages to her on the first day went to no one. I decided to give her some space and assumed she just didn’t feel like talking. By day 5 I was a nervous wreck and assumed she died and had no idea where she was or what happened to her. I was losing sleep over it, my friend was checking police reports in her area, I messaged her on twitter asking if she was okay. I got no response and felt so scared. Eventually, my friend Damian messaged her on twitter myself and she responded in a few short hours, just saying she forgot to tell me about it and resumed talking to me on twitter like nothing happened. All that worry and anxiety turned to anger really quickly, because she was either trying to break up with me in an indirect way by ignoring me, or she was just being inconsiderate and actually forgot to tell me our main means of communication was going away for no specific reason. I didn’t resent her, but I was upset.

This caused me to think long and hard about the relationship and how it was doing after those short few months. We both made mistakes. I got way ahead of myself and was asking about very serious steps way too early, I let my distrust of people guide my decision to act like someone I wasn’t to keep her interest because of past experiences, and she undermined a lot of my self confidence and said some very toxic things. I wasn’t quite ready for a long distance relationship and I was still hung up on bad things from my past. She hadn’t dated anyone before and wasn’t really ready to commit, nor did she have much interest in it. We agreed that going back to being friends was better, before we started to hate each other. And of course, we talked less and less in the following weeks until not at all. We haven’t spoken in a few months now, and looking back I’m not proud of my actions or hers. I think in another life, another time, after we both did a lot of growing up, we might have made a really great team. As I said before, I’m still very thankful to have met her. I think just meeting her gave me a lot of hope and confidence that even she couldn’t really ever take away. I know now that I have a chance at meeting someone who doesn’t look at me like an alien. I know now that I can’t be distrustful and hold everyone to the same standard as people. I know now that if I were to try dating again, there are a lot of bad choices that I’d avoid (definitely wouldn’t be so damn clingy, ew). And I know now that the girl from 2015 isn’t the only girl on Earth who will be interested in me, I just have to look for another one. As for “Sandra,” I texted her midway through this last semester telling her that I felt guilty about the way things quietly drifted off, and we met up a few weeks before thanksgiving break. That night we tried one more time, going to a restaurant with no open seats and a 2 hour waiting time. She said she wasn’t hungry and we went back to her place where she had no food so I remained starving for that night. Her parents weren’t home, and we... spent the rest of the night looking at vacation photos on her phone. It was clear that the magic just wasn’t there, and I told her before I left that I appreciated her giving me the opportunity to tell her that it just wasn’t meant to be. She had no interest in the things I liked, and while I could see that she tried to like those things too, her heart wasn’t in it. So we ended things amicably like we should have months before. I was proud with how I handled it, and I felt as if though I was finally an adult when it came to my relationships. 

I don’t need another person to like me in order to validate my existence. I don’t need to have everyone in the world think I’m awesome. I don’t need to rely on someone constantly to maintain my self confidence and my image. I don’t need to date someone to avoid feeling lonely, because you can be just as lonely in a relationship as you are out of one. I don’t need to say and do things untrue to myself to keep someone interested in me, because if they lost interest when I act like myself, they aren’t worth my time. I don’t need to date someone to feel complete. I don’t need to date someone just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings by turning them down. If you’re feeling alone lately and having a hard time getting into a relationship, just remember you don’t need any of that. There’s always someone out there for you, and your interests don’t make you completely alone, even if it feels like there’s no one else in the world that shares them. Being into “nerd shit” doesn’t guarantee that you can’t find someone to love and care about, and even if someone loves the same stuff as you, it might not work out anyway and that’s perfectly fine. Just remember that the only person you need to believe in you is you and no one else can fix you but you. Try to find someone after you have all that stuff sorted out or you’ll just end up getting hurt again. 

In all reality, I don’t need a girlfriend at all, but I’d still like one because the company is nice. There’s a girl out there for me, and I’m going to avoid the mistakes I’ve made in the past, and I’m going to leave behind the baggage and tragedies that lie behind me. Who knows, maybe going into 2018, I’ll get to meet her. Let’s hope so.

[spacyparker]

Unborn

MASTERLIST - PROMPT LIST

Request : “If you’re still taking requests could you do 27 and 33 with Tom?”

   + “Hey can you do a fic with #5 and #10 from your prompt list where Tom is the reader’s hubby and away on a press tour or something and she realized that she’s pregnant so she starts wearing his shirts he left bc she doesn’t was the media to find out before him?“ @karamelblobber 

+ “ooh prompt 10 with Tom?“

»  “Does he know about the baby ?“

»  “You’re paying a small price compared with what she’s going through.”

»  "Is that my shirt?“

Characters : Tom Holland x reader

Word count : 1.9k

A/N : I know one of the prompts is missing but its only because I will put it in part 2 (if you guys want one I mean ???). This is my longer imagine so far and it’s 1:00am and I’m tired so sorry if that’s kind of shit ! I hope you like it though !!! Don’t hesitate to send me asks or come talk to me, requests are still open. THANKS LOVE YOU

Keeping a secret was hard for you, especially when you were the only one knowing it, not having anyone to talk with about it. The more the days passed, the more you were desperate. And also the more your secret was becoming visible. You were expecting a baby, and it weight heavily on your cosncience. Hiding it to Tom was really hard, he had the right to know since he obviously was the father, but it just always felt like the wrong time to finally spill it. He was away for a couple of months now and you promised yourself you'd wait him to come back to you to tell him the great news.

You took a deep breathe before opening the front door. Going outside was always such a hard thing, you were always worried about what the paparazzi would get on their photos, a gust of wind and a good angle and your baby bump would be exposed in a few seconds. That's why you wore Tom's shirts since few weeks, it was large enough to not reveal your new curves. If he heard the news from magazines and not you, you didn't know how he would react. You knew it would be some sort of treason.

Paps' flashes were focused on you and you could barely see the way to your car. You tried your best not to put your hand on your belly, it was a reflex you started having since you knew you were pregnant, but doing it in front of these vultures was breaking your cover. You made it to your car, hoping none of the paparazzi got a revealing photo. Then you went to work all stressed as always.

Few hours after you came home from your day, ready to go to sleep and wrapped in your sheets, the reason of your stress called you on Skype. Tom's face appeared on the screen and you immediately smiled knowing it was hard for him to take time for you during his press tour.

“Hello darling.” He smiled at you and directly his dark circles became more visible. Your heart broke seeing him so tired, but his morning voice gave you goosebumps and the only thing you wanted was to wrap him in your arms to take a nap. “I thought I could say hi since I have few minutes before going back to work. How was your day, love ?”

You two were married for few months now, and you'd still blush each time he'd give you cute nicknames. “I worked all day, nothing interesting. Tell me about your days, they might be so much more exciting than mine.”

You saw Tom shrugged, his eyes focused on his screen seemed to read something. “Yes, I love learning about new cultures, but I hate that you're not here to learn with me.” You were going to respond but he cut you before you could. “Is that my shirt ?”

You instantly frowned. “Uhm, sorry what ?”

“There are pictures of you leaving the house. You look stunning but I look better in this shirt, sorry not sorry babe.” He giggled. Actually, his heart was warmed up by the fact you were wearing his stuff. He wasn't used to it, you only wore his clothes as pajamas, when no one was looking at you but him. Seeing you out in his shirt made him proud, and he was glad you did so. People wouldn't forget you were his.

You blushed, forced to lie. Well, it wasn't all a lie, because you felt that way, there were just some parts of the truth hidden in what you told him. “I've been missing you so much I wanted to have your smell wherever I'd go...”

Tom suddenly pouted. “Give me my shirt back you thief.” He joked. “The world needs to see how better I wear it.”

You laughed at him being such a little dork. You loved him, especially when he was starting to act like that. He seemed so vulnerable and childish. The man you fell in love with. “I love you even if you think you're better than me.” You admitted.

“I love you too. And... I already need to go. I'm glad I saw your face, darling. Can't wait to come back home !” He sent you kissed, and after new “I love you”s he hung up.

The day after, you took a deep breathe before opening the door. It was for sure a daily routine you couldn't wait to end. But now wasn't the time. Not having to go to work today, you decided to go on your yoga class. You joined the club few weeks ago, thinking you were stressing too much and knowing it wasn't good for the baby. When you'd found this class specialized for pregnant women, you didn't hesitate.

This lessons helped you very much, and if you could you'd go every day. You felt good there, not thinking about the reactions of everyone when they'd find out, plus you made some friends, which you were lacking of lately. Every woman was inspiring, with their own stories. It was really supportive to meet them once a week. You couldn't handle alone all of the stress you were getting from being pregnant, always asking yourself when to tell Tom since you didn't want him to worry about you and the baby while he was away. Anyways having a baby was the next step of your relation, you both never seriously talked about this before, you just jnew Tom wanted some kids, it wasn't surprising since he was from a happy loving big family. It was just that you were still young, he was always travelling for his work and you weren't sure you could take care of thebaby all by yourself.

You took care of keeping your secret in front of the paparazzi and reached your yoga class, saying hello to your friends and already feeling relaxed just by being there. 2 hours after you were home again, searching baby stuff on your laptop.

A Holland was on your screen again, but this time it was Nikki on your phone. You took it as it started vibrating.

“Y/N ! I heard the news ! Why didn't you tell me about it you secretive little thing !” You froze, there was no way she was talking about something else than your pregnancy, right ? “Congratulations sweetie ! I'm going to be a grandma thanks to you ! Oh my God, I just can't wait ! How long have you been keeping the secret ?!”

“What the... Where.. Where did you see that ?” Your voice was shaking of terror. If Nikki saw it, then the entire world could see it, including your dear hubby. “It can't be possible, you kidding right ? Please tell me you're kidding Nikki it can't be real !”

A silence took place between the two of you. You didn't mean to explain anything, Tom's mother immediately understood what was going on. “Does he know about the baby... ?”

“I'm so sorry Nikki.” Tears started falling down your cheeks. You told her everything, you told her the truth you were so afraid to admit to the world. Nikki didn't hesitate, she drove straight to your apartment as soon as she knew, glad she didn't call Tom first.

“I just couldn't tell him. You know how he is, he would... Nikki, I'm so sorry. It just never felt like the right time, I wanted him to be home, rested.” You couldn't stop crying, your hormones making matters worse. You were feeling like it was the end of the world. “He would have been worried, and now he's going to be both worried and mad at me ! I fucked up real bad, there's no way I can fix it !” “Well he's going to be a father, I hope he has the right priorities and will be more concerned about that than the fact you hid the truth from him.” Nikki's hand was on your shoulder, rubbing it to comfort you. She'd sometimes hug you, making you cry even more. She ws such a sweetheart, but you knew deep down she was mad at you too.

“He's so tired Nikki, I swear there's no way I can do well. He's all grumpy these days.”

“Anyways I'm here for you honey, if you need anything just ask. Thanks for carrying my grandchild, Y/N.” You nodded, and soon she left.

It didn't take long before your phone started vibrating again. You were in your bed, wrapped around your sheets, crying to death, but you managed to grab your phone. Without any surprise, it was Tom. You picked up the phone, shaking. Did he know ?

“Hey babe.” His voice seemed a little bith harsh than usual. Something was totally going up in his mind. “Is this for real ?” Your heartbeat suddenly stopped. “Are you really pregnant ?” He insisted on the last word, you could tell he was mad, and you figured he was creasing his nose while talking to you, trying not to explode.

“Tom.. Tom please listen I-”

“Listen to what, Y/N ?!” He cut you, understanding the rumor was true. “You lying to me again ? It's not the first time you hide such important things from me ! Haven't I told you to stop already ? I'm concerned ! I'm so fucking concerned, but it always looks like you put me off the important stuff when I'm away.”

It was hard to hear him say those things to you, acting like you didn't care about his opinion or like he wasn't anything to you. “Tom, darling...” Your voice was as shaking as your hands. You were so scared, scared of him being too mad he'd leave you. “I just wanted you to stay focus on your job...”

“And I wished I could have been here for my fucking baby ! Now tell me who knew.” Strict, he was so strict. You could tell your behaviour touched him deeply, his heart was broken because of you, because of your choices. Were you a bad person ?

“No one. It was only about me, Tom please, honey, don't be mad at me. Please I wanted to tell you myself, I didn't want it to happen this way.” Begging was the only think you could do now.

“I can't believe you hid it from me, Y/N ! You lied to me, you could have told me so many times but you prefered lying, again and again ! Seriously, Y/N, fuck you, you really ruined it all this time !”

You whined. What did he mean by that ? Was he leaving you ? You wouldn't be surprised if so, you felt like all you deserved was to be left. “Thomas, I'm sorry, I'm sorry !” You couldn't just let him go after that. “I'll make it up to you, please my love, please, I'll take the next plane si we can meet !”

There was silence before Tom talked again. “I don't want to see you right now.” Then he suddenly hanged up.

PART TWO

[beermanoftana]

suicidals anonymous // chapter 1

warnings: swearing, drinking, vulgarity., mentions of death and attempted suicide. not edited as good, sorry about that. notes/disclaimer: this fic is set in the philippines (my home country). there will be some tagalog words but i will be translating them and hopefully i don’t miss anything. this is actually a novel that i’m hoping will be published one day. this is one of three that i’m working on atm. summary: university student kitty is back to attending her suicidals anonymous meetings. and she also has a secret admirer (signed as “dog lover”) she talks to pretty much everyday. her older brother wes wants her to end things. but her other best friend, cassie, has 4 prime suspects: cirian “wolf” (her brother’s best friend), duke (her childhood friend), baste (her crush and Duke’s twin brother), and tom (her sa mate). chapter summary: for her older brother, a secret admirer isn’t always a good thing but kitty’s not having any of that, and he also thinks it’s time to go back to her sa meetings

Dog Lover: Did you get the flowers I sent you?

The ding of that message in Kitty’s phone startled her. She was in her room, supposedly doing homework, but she was staring off into space instead. Usually, the message notifications don’t bother her, in fact, she gets excited when she hears them. Lately, she’s been texting with that one person back and forth for the past few weeks.

She reached for her phone just a few inches away from her book and smiled as she saw the text. Immediately, she replied.

Kitty Langit: They were very lovely. Thank you.

Dog Lover: Aren’t those your favorite?

Kitty Langit: I don’t think I ever told you what my favorite is. Dog Lover: Because you have a lot. I chose the big gerberas especially because I know they’re your number one fave. Kitty Langit: Then goes the white and pink roses with three sunflowers. Dog Lover: I’m glad you like them.

Kitty smiled. Her heart fluttered. This guy really knew her yet, she didn’t have a clue as to who he was.

Kitty Langit: I have to do some homework. :(

Dog Lover: Aww :( I was hoping we could chat some more. Kitty Langit: Tell you what, I’ll finish my papers and message you when I’m done. Dog Lover: Sounds like a plan. Just ring when you need me. Kitty Langit: Haha. You any good at philosophy? Dog Lover: …no. Kitty Langit: :P I’ll message you later, oki? Dog Lover: I love you. Kitty Langit: Oh please. :P

Kitty skimmed through her book and quickly wrote down her thoughts. Philosophy was not one of her strong subjects so thankfully she only had one class of that her whole university life. Math came and went; now that was one of her strong subjects. She loved analyzing numbers and solving problems. English and Literature were so-so. She liked the subjects but not to a great extent. She did love reading Smaller and Smaller Circles in her Lit class.

She closed her book after reading a few chapters, leaned on her chair and sighed. “Done,” she murmured. Glancing at the clock, she grinned when she realized that it only took her about two hours to finish everything.

Quickly, she fixed her desk and placed everything she needed in her bag that she had to bring the next day. She had hoped that her mystery admirer messaged her without her noticing but she had no new message and she heaved a sigh of slight disappointment.

She knew she should not feel so entitled just because she had an admirer. On lonely days, she would be the first to message them, then regret it as soon as she did. Luckily, her admirer would reply with an “I was just thinking about you” or “I was going to message you in awhile” and all those other comforting one-liners…but who knows when he’ll begin realizing that she isn’t worth it.

Sighing, she flopped down on her bed and raised her phone up to her face, waiting. She knew she should be the one to message first, she was the one who had to go earlier. But she was scared. She didn’t want to annoy him or anything. What if he was busy studying or working? He had told her that he was a working student. And he assured her that he was a ‘he’; not that she had a problem if he were a ‘she’.

Finally, she gave a firm nod to herself and opened her texts. She quickly typed a short “Hello :)” and sent it but quickly regretting that she initiated it. In less than a minute, she got a reply from him.

Dog Lover: Hey! You done with homework? Kitty Langit: Yeah. Wasn’t as difficult as I thought. You studying or working? Dog Lover: Neither. Not on shift and I was studying while you were, too. Kitty Langit: Fuck, did I disturb you? Dog Lover: You know as much as I do that you are never ever a disturbance to me. Kitty Langit: You really know how to make a girl feel good, know that?

Then there goes that feeling of a pit in her stomach again. He was probably doing this to other girls, too. She can just feel it.

Dog Lover: ;) I’ve been told I’m a smooth talker.

She doesn’t respond.

Dog Lover: Shit. I didn’t mean it that way. Kitty Langit: Haha. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Dog Lover: You’re the only one, I swear. Kitty Langit: I didn’t think that, haha.

Dog Lover: I don’t believe you.

Well, it is true that she wasn’t thinking that. But she wasn’t thinking that she was the only one either. She may not know how this guy looks like but he sounds like just her type. Call her superficial but that’s just the way it is for some people.

Dog Lover: Can I call?

That wasn’t unusual. He would sometimes call her. She was wary at first but when she became curious, she decided to try it out. And God did she love his voice.

Dog Lover: If you don’t want to then it’s okay. I just wanted to hear your voice.

Kitty rolled her eyes. She’s heard that line before so many times…all from him.

Dog Lover: Please, Kitty? Kitty Langit: I have to go get dinner. Dog Lover: After? Kitty Langit: Let’s see.

She dropped her phone on her bed and pursed her lips. There were times she wanted him to just go away. But no matter how much she pushed, he would always come back. He’d send her sweet messages and chocolates and flowers and really, anything she wanted she found herself getting it.

There was another ding from her phone and she read it.

Dog Lover: I’ll wait for you, okay?

“Wait until you drop dead,” she muttered. She frowned. She knew that was mean. Damn her and her mood swings.

She got out of bed and exited her room. She went down the stairs and turned to the kitchen to find some grub. “We got anything to eat?” she asked the housemaid Lenny. “I am hungry.” That was one of her quotable quotes…she would say that every single day.

“The cake that your secret admirer sent you,” Lenny replied. Esther, the other maid who happened to pass by, nodded. “We’ll eat if you don’t,” she joked.

Kitty sighed and closed the refrigerator. “I don’t feel like eating that. I want some chips.”

Esther shook her head. “You’ve been eating chips for the past three days. No, I’m cooked some bistek [Filipino beef steak]. You’re eating that.”

Kitty pouted but sat on the kitchen table anyway. Lenny brought out the cake and said, “Why don’t you want to eat it? You were happy to see it awhile ago.”

Kitty propped her elbow on the table and placed her head on the palm of her hand. “I changed my mind,” she grumbled. Her chest heaved as she thought of Dog Lover’s response earlier. That he was told to be a smooth talker. She may have read it a bit too much, maybe he really just was. Maybe he actually didn’t have anyone else he’s courting. Maybe…just maybe. “They’re all maybe’s,” she muttered.

After eating some dinner with their housemaids, she loved talking to them during meal times, she headed back upstairs and dropped on her bed. She reached for her phone and saw that she had three messages. One from Dog Lover, two from her best friend Duke.

Dog Lover: I hope you’ll allow me to call. :(

Duke Montemayor: I need help with the philo homework. Duke Montemayor: Come on, Kit-Kat. Just because we’re not in the same course doesn’t mean you can’t help me. We’re still in the same class!

Kitty rolled her eyes at the drama queen. And just then, another ding from him.

Duke Montemayor: I know you’re probably talking to Mr. Casanova but I really need your help.

Immediately, Kitty answered.

Kitty Langit: Sorry, I was eating. And don’t call him that. I’m not associating Dog Lover with Wolf Casanova.

Duke Montemayor: He’s your brother’s best friend. Kitty Langit: And your point is…? Duke Montemayor: Nothing, I have no point. But know that you gave Wolf his nickname, which is pretty similar tot Dog Lover. Kitty Langit: Cirian was really hard to pronounce! Anyway, video chat so I can help?

And not a minute later, he called her via Skype.

After forty-five minutes of bickering back and forth, the two finally bid farewell knowing they might not be able to see each other the next day. There was another text from Dog Lover a few minutes ago asking if she had fallen asleep.

Kitty puffed her cheeks then blew out the air. Fine, she thought.

Kitty Langit: Hey. Dog Lover: Can I call?

She thought it over for a minute before giving her response. A few seconds later, the familiar tone of her phone blasted and she slid her thumb after five seconds. “Hey,” she greeted.

“I didn’t mean…I…you’re the only one, I swear.” His voice was deep and heavy; as if he was thinking of what to say yet did not get it right. “My friends say I’m a smooth talker. And yes, other girls have said that well, but I swear, I don’t smooth talk them the way I with you. You’re the only one I’m courting, I swear.”

“Dog Lover—”

“You’re the only one I want.”

Kitty sighed. “Yeah, you’ve said.”

“It’s true.”

Silence.

“Do you want to put down the phone?” he asked.

Kitty shook her head despite knowing that he couldn’t see her. “No, it’s cool. We can talk.”

“Great.” She can feel his grin. “How was your day?”

“The highlight was definitely those flowers. That’s the first time you’ve sent me a bouquet.” She smiled. “Any special reason?”

“I just wanted to surprise you.”

“All the girls were so jealous,” she said, proud. She replayed the memory.

She was sitting on a chair, waiting for her turn to sing a song in front of those auditioning with her. Before her were some of the best singers she’s ever heard of and she knew she had no chance but she wanted to give it a shot.

“I was the only one who got a ‘great job’ gift.”

She returned to the back room where they were all waiting for instructions. Her head was low and she could feel the eyes on her. As she was about to sit down, someone had called her. Initially, she thought that she was the first go but she only saw a huge bouquet of assorted flowers being held by the attendant standing by the doorway. He repeated her name as he looked at a clipboard he was holding on the other hand.

Kitty raised her hand. “That’s me!”

The attendant looked through his clipboard, turning the page once, twice, three times before nodding his head. “These are for you.”

She rose from her seat feeling eyes on her again. As she got the bouquet she heard the attendant mutter, “Lucky you.” And really, who wouldn’t be proud of that?

Immediately, she examines the gift before looking at the tag. “Break a leg!” And under it, in smaller handwriting wrote, “And if you do, I’ll be there to catch you.” She grinned. Of course, the usual paw print was the signature.

“You can sit back down now, Ms. Langit,” the attendant said.

Kitty blushed and returned to her seat. Some of them cooed and teased her, others stayed put and were either indifferent or looked at her with envy.

But in the end, she wasn’t even in the shortlist.

“You were a little too late though,” she told her admirer through the phone.

Dog Lover sighed. “I know. I heard from a source that the attendant didn’t give it to you until after the audition.”

“A source, huh,” she murmured. “I’m not even surprised anymore.”

He chuckled. “You know me so well.”

Kitty smiled at that. “You know me more.”

The two talked to one another until the wee hours of the night. When Kitty yawned a bit too many times, Dog Lover said it was time for her to sleep. She refused and said that she was still up and about.

“Shadowcat,” he started, “you’ve been mumbling things that don’t make sense anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” she said, yawning once more.

“You’d just be embarrassed,” he said. “Come on, it’s time to sleep.” But she continued to refuse. “Tell you what, I won’t put down the phone until I know you’ve fallen asleep. Sounds good?”

“What if you fall asleep first?” she half-said, half-mumbled.

“I’m not. Because when we get married, I’ll be watching you while you sleep.” Kitty told him how creepy that would be just as he said, “And I’ll be the luckiest guy in the world.”

She smiled. “You’ll be the luckiest guy in the world when you score with Ariana Grande, or J-Lo, Kathryn Bernando…”

“Too loud, too old, not my type…I’d still be a bit lucky if it were Liza.” He laughed nervously. “And I said a bit because you know she’s my celebrity crush.”

“I’d be lucky if I had Paulo, or Albie,” she murmured.

“Now that hurts.”

“Are you not as macho as them?” she teased.

“You know I am.”

“I’ve never seen you.”

“Just know that I’m better.”

Kitty rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“So, about that sleeping deal…”

She hummed. “Yeah, okay, sounds good.” She stood up to turn on her lamp before turning off the main lights. She sighed as she laid down on the bed. “How do we do this?” she asked. “Do I get my earphones or something?”

“Have you been talking without them?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “Hold on.” She turned to her side and fished for her earphones from the side table. She plugged them in and put on one bud. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?”

“Are you a good singer?”

“Um…” he began, “I think I’ll leave the singing to you. Sing to me?”

She smiled. “But oh/can’t you see/that no matter what happens/life goes and on/so baby/just smile/’cause I’m always around you/and I’ll make you see how beautiful life is for you and me…”

And as she sang, she began drifting off. When Dog Lover realizes that she had fallen asleep, he smiled. “Goodnight, Kitty. I’ll see you soon.” Click.

The next day, Kitty was walking to her usual spot in the garden of her university. People never sit there because the room behind it would always be left open and the AC was on at maximum level. Plus the area would always be a target of the strong winds during a good day, or the drizzles of rain when the water would pour.

Unfortunately, it was a rainy day and although she brought her cardigan to block out the AC and wind, she hadn’t expected a heavy downpour. She shivered a little as the water touched her skin from time to time.

She felt a poke at her cheek and she didn’t bother whirling around to see who it was. Wolf used to do that to her when they were younger…and he never stopped. Her cheeks were puffy then, her weight wasn’t what you called average, and so Wolf teased her all the time. Even as she worked hard to get to her weight now, he wouldn’t stop. Wes Langit, her older brother and Wolf’s best friend, wasn’t really helping much.

“You’re cold,” he stated.

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging, “I don’t really listen to the weatherman.”

Wolf chuckled. “Here,” he started. Kitty turned to her side and saw him removing his hoodie. “You can have it for the day.”

“What about you?” she asked but not refusing his offer. She had given her belongings to him as she put on the hoodie. It has his number on it, 3, and his last name. She has always wondered what the number 3 meant to him. It was her lucky number, that’s for sure, but that didn’t really add up. “Thanks though.”

He shrugged. “I’ll live. Besides, Wes would kill me for not being a gentleman to his baby sister.”

Kitty rolled her eyes. “Yep, he would.” They reached the stone bench with a matching stone table. There were seats on either side. “Sit with me?”

Wolf nodded and sat down. Kitty sat opposite of him.

“Is Duke coming?”

Kitty shook her head. “Just me and you for now. Cassie’s coming, though. We have Lit together and she wasn’t very impressed with Circle.”

“Nice,” Wolf murmured.

Kitty couldn’t hold back a scoff. “You do know she’s gay, right?”

“Can’t I admire her?”

She nodded her head slowly then shrugged. “I suppose so.”

The two took out their materials in silence. Before Kitty could start on problem number 1, Wolf cleared his throat.

She looked up and tilted her head a little to the left. “Yeah?”

“How’s Dog Lover?” he asked, looking anywhere but at her. “Everything good?”

She smiled. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I still get wary and all but he seems good. Thanks for asking. But…why did you ask? Hasn’t Wes filled you in?”

“Wes doesn’t really like talking about it,” he admitted. “He doesn’t like the idea that…” he trailed off, “that some guy is getting too close to you and you don’t even know him. He could be doing all these things to impress you but he has other agendas.”

Kitty puffed her right cheek. “Possible.”

“But…?”

“I’m just enjoying the moment for now, I guess.” She shrugged. “No one has ever noticed me.”

Wolf rolled his eyes. “Keep telling that to yourself.”

“Wolf,” she began, “you know my past…relationships, if you can call it that, have been huge failures. Maybe this time it isn’t!”

“He’s a stalker, Kitty.”

Kitty paused. “True. But he gives me things.”

“So you’re using him?”

Kitty shook her head. “No, of course not.”

Just a Wolf was about to speak, Cassie arrived and sat beside him. “Okay, so Circles made me fall asleep and—oh hey, Wolf. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he grumbled. “I was just asking Kitty how she’s doing.”

Cassie laughed. “Bullshit. But okay, okay. Anyways,” she took out her materials, “I was hoping you could help me with this part…”

The three spent some time together before Cassie had to go again. “You coming to practice or have you gotten another audition?” She smiled. Kitty knew Cassie supported her but she has been missing practice a lot.

“I’ll be there,” Kitty replied.

“Great. The team hasn’t seen you in awhile.”

But awhile meant a day, Kitty gave a sorry smile either way. “I know.”

Cassie nodded and waved before leaving the table. And as soon as she left, Wes Langit appeared and sat beside his sister. “Cassie hates me.”

“She does not.”

“After what happened?”

“You didn’t mean it.”

“But I still did it.”

Both Wolf and Kitty sighed.

“Have you been going to the meetings?” Wes asked, turning to his sister. Just as Kitty was about to reply he stopped her. “Don’t,” he held up his hand, “don’t even bother answering that question.”

Kitty bit the bottom of her lip.

Wolf said, “The meetings are on Sundays, right? Usually after the first mass of the day.”

Kitty nodded.

Wes sighed. “It’s for your own good, Kits. I know it can be a hassle but it helps.”

“How do you know?” she murmured.

“Because when you were going to them, you made pretty good progress. You were more jolly, you kept telling yourself that there are always solutions to problems…that you weren’t alone in fighting this battle. You would always go to me, you know?” His eyes softened. “I know you don’t really like going to Mom and Dad so you would go to me.”

Kitty laughed a little. “You were the one who signed me up.”

“And it worked, didn’t it?”

Kitty shrugged. “I guess so.”

Wes shook his head. “I’ll go with you.”

“You can’t enter the room.”

“Then I’ll wait for you out there. I’ll have my phone to keep me company.”

Kitty stayed silent for awhile. She turned to the side and saw Wolf waiting for her response as well. “Okay,” she said. She looked back at her brother and nodded. “Okay, I’ll go back.”

Wes smiled. “Great. That’s great.” He looked at her for a few seconds then frowned. “Why are you wearing Wolf’s hoodie?”

Kitty replied, “He knew I was cold.”

Wes sighed and shook his head at Wolf. “No wonder people have been giving her the stink eye.”

“Like that’s my fault,” Wolf said defensively

Kitty scoffed. “It’s all your fault.”

Wes chuckled, Wolf followed right after.

Later that day, the practice was kind of better than she thought it would be. She knew none of her teammates would criticize her for missing a day to audition for a small role she didn’t even get. They knew her love for singing matched her love for archery. They supported her, but they also had to think of their team, and she understood that. If she wasn’t a good singer in the eyes of the judges, then there’s nothing to worry about, she was a good archer, that she knew.

She stretched her arm, leveling it to her lip. She let out a bit of breath, locked her eyes on the red dot then released.

Straight hit.

Someone from behind her clapped. “Nice.”

Kitty smiled and turned around. “I’m just as good as an archer as bad as I am as a singer.”

“You can carry a tune,” Cassie said.

A small, sad smile appeared on Kitty’s face. “Not enough, I guess.”

Cassie frowned. Putting her bow down on the table, she shook her head then looped her arm around Kitty’s. “There’s a play in my village. It’s a small production but it’s something.”

Kitty placed bow next to Cassie’s. “I’m not from your village.”

“I know,” she said. “But no one wants to join but the people have already spent all the budget. They’re pretty desperate.”

Kitty giggled. “That doesn’t sound very nice.”

Cassie sighed. “Mm, yeah, it is their fault.”

“What play?”

“An original one.”

“Nice. You wrote it?” Kitty knew about Cassie’s love for writing. “I bet you did.”

“If I said yes will you join?” Cassie grinned.

“I’ll consider it.”

Cassie laughed. “I didn’t write it. Some twenty-something who works for the barangay did. I don’t know what it’s about.” She shrugged. “Probably something about lost love or a forbidden one or…I dunno, something about love.”

“Don’t you write about love?”

“I don’t go all cliche if you must know.” Cassie looked up and nudged Kitty lightly. “Duke Montemayor sighting.”

Kitty could never admit but she always found Duke cute in his boy-next-door kind of way. But she’s known him her whole life, ever since they were both whiny babies until they hit puberty and were each other’s first kiss until now where they realize nothing is ever going to happen to them…despite admitting that they were attracted to one another.

“Oh, and look who’s with him.”

Baste Montemayor, Duke’s twin brother, was with him. And he was the one that Kitty couldn’t help but imagine was Mr. Dog Lover. They had the same voice and Baste’s love for dogs is no secret either. Kitty’s had a thing for him since she stepped foot on the school grounds.

Baste had lived with his father after his and Duke’s parents separated. Duke never talked much about him since they were never close, their father leaving their mother when they were just two-years-old. But they reconnected when they realized they were in the same university.

“Oh,” she sighed. Her heart fluttered, she knew that it was the same flutter she felt with Dog Lover, and she had a strong feeling that they were one and the same.

Duke waved his hand as they got closer. “Hey,” he greeted.

“Nice of you to visit,” Cassie said.

Duke shrugged. “Baste wanted to see the archery range.”

“Are you sure that’s what he wanted to see?” Cassie narrowed her eyes at the two boys. “Nothing else?”

Kitty could feel her neck getting red.

Baste chuckled. “I’ve always been an archery fan but I’ve never seen one up close. Duke said he was on his way here and I jumped at the chance to ask him if I could come along.” His head circled the place and he nodded, a smile forming on his face. “It’s nice.”

“It should be,” Kitty can’t help but murmur. She could then feel someone’s eyes on her and she dared look in front. Baste Montemayor was looking at her with interest. “We have some classes together,” is all she can say after racking her brain for something to say to him. “Lab, math and—”

“Filipino,” he finished, nodding his head. “Katharine Langit, right?”

Cassie tilted her head. “She’s Duke’s best friend.”

Baste nodded again. “Yeah. But I’ve never interacted with her,” he explained. “This is the first time we’ve been up close.”

But you’re such a stalker, Kitty thought. She bit her lip from saying anything. “Do you want to try to shoot?” she offered.

Baste’s eyebrows raised. “Legit?”

Cassie shrugged. “Yeah, why not? Come on.” She gestured for him to follow her.

Kitty and Duke were left alone.

“You agreed to bring him here,” she said, not bothering to look at him. “When you know I’m not ready.”

Duke rolled his eyes. “Oh please. Even if I tell you, give you a warning, you would never be prepared.”

Kitty nodded once. She then watched as Cassie taught the guy how to hold up his bow.

Unlike Kitty’s pink bow, Cassie’s was a neutral blue.

Cassie then put leveled his arm and nodded. Kitty heard her say something about aiming and a second later, he released the string and the arrow flew to the board…missing the bullseye by a foot.

Duke couldn’t help but laugh. Kitty nudged him. They walked towards them just as Cassie’s arrow hit the board, missing the bullseye by just a few inches.

“That was so cool!” Baste clapped. “Do it again.”

“Who am I? Your dog?” Cassie glared at him. She noticed Kitty and Duke beside her and smiled. She turned back to Baste and smirked. “Watch the pro.” She looked at Kitty. “You ready.”

Kitty snapped her head back a little but a part of her knew that this was going to happen. “Yeah, sure.” She took Cassie’s bow and got an arrow from her quiver. She put it in place, readied her stance, let out a bit of breath and released.

Like earlier, she hit the bullseye with ease.

When she turned to look at Baste, and feeling very proud of herself, he was gaping.

“Y-y-you h-hit the uh…um…bullseye,” he stammered.

Kitty smiled. “I did.”

“Amazing!”

Kitty blushed. You should know that, the voice said. She shook her head. You have no proof, Katharine. No proof at all. But good Lord did she wish that he was just a really good actor and that he really was Dog Lover.

“You should definitely teach me!”

“You’d have to sign up and try out first,” Cassie told him with a roll of her eyes.

“Be nice,” Duke teased.

“During your free time?” Baste asked, hopeful.

“She auditions for musicals or bands during her free time,” Cassie continued to talk for the lady in subject. “I don’t think—”

“Let Kitty speak for herself,” Duke said in a serious tone, but it was obvious that he wanted to laugh at the scenario.

Cassie shut her mouth. The three then looked at Kitty and she felt very pressured. “I suppose it’s fine,” she said with a shrug. “There’s an archery range not too far from my house. If you’re willing to—”

“Yes!” Baste interrupted her.

“Great,” she said. A smile was on her face.

Duke pursed his lips. “Well, I think we have to go.”

Baste frowned. “Okay then.”

Kitty hid her disappointment. If you want to spend time with me then this is your chance, the voice inside her shouted. Another voice told her to shut up. “Just tell Duke if you’re still interested.”

He nodded. “I will. Definitely.” He smiled. “Thanks, Katharine.” Then he turned to Cassie. “You, too, Cassie.”

“I never told you my name,” she said, surprised.

“I’m friends with Duke, remember?” he chuckled softly.

Cassie lifted her head a little. “Right.”

Duke grabbed Baste’s arm and began dragging him. “I’ll see you later, Kit-Kat!”

“Meatloaf for dinner!” she shouted.

“YES!”

Cassie laughed. “He really loves his meatloaf.”

Kitty watched the two disappear. One second Baste looked back at her, and three seconds later it was Duke’s turn. Her heart began to beat faster. Cassie noticed her frozen form and reached for her hand.

“We don’t know who it is, Kit-Kat.”

Kitty sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

It has only been a few days but Kitty was getting anxious about Baste’s offer to be her student. Duke hasn’t mentioned anything and she didn’t really want to pry. So she stayed quiet.

But it was Sunday and she and her family had just finished hearing mass. Like their excuse before, Wes said that they would be having some sibling bonding at the ice cream shop nearby. They knew their parents didn’t have sweet tooths so it was the perfect alibi.

As they walked to the building next to the Church, Wes began giving her a lecture. “I haven’t been able to hear mass with you on Sundays because of training. I asked them to give me a day off. So please, Kitty, the next time I’m not here to have mass with you, go to the meeting. It isn’t hard. It’s free. It helps.”

Kitty’s head was low. “Yes, Kuya [older/big brother].”

They reached the building and then entered. Wes pushed the door open and allowed Kitty inside first. There weren’t much people and she was still familiar with how it is. She walked in and inhaled the scent that she had been missing out on. She can’t help but admit that she liked the vanilla and pumpkin aroma. They headed up the second floor and walked to the third door on the left.

Before them was one of her meeting members. Tom. They only knew each other by the names they want to be called.

Tom noticed that he was being watched. He looked up and a grin formed on his face. “Kitty. It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah,” she said with a small smile. She introduced Tom to her brother and her brother to Tom. “I’ll see you later?”

Wes nodded. “Yeah, I’ll see you. Be good. Or else no Sundae’s Best after.”

Kitty smiled. “You really know a way to get to a girl’s heart.”

They chuckled and Wes left.

Kitty walked over to the door and Tom let her in first.

As Tom closed the door behind him, the sign on the door became very visible as the blinds behind it closed.

Suicidals Anonymous.

[flowerfan2]

Close To You - 2/11

Stucky, 6k, M, A03

Although Steve and Bucky are finally in the same place, they aren’t as close as they would like.  This is a story about how they heal.

Chapter 2

Despite the seemingly encouraging turn of events brought about by Steve’s decision to kiss Bucky good night, it’s two steps backwards the next day.  Bucky can tell Steve is frustrated by his lack of progress.  

“Thought I had it licked,” Steve grumbles one night, after a long evening where too many Avengers drank too much whiskey and each felt the need to slap Steve on the back repeatedly in an effort to get him to join in the fun.

 “I don’t think it works that way,” Bucky replies, pouring them each a glass of ice water.  

 “Do you think I should tell them?”  Steve is leaning against their kitchen counter, tension pulling his shoulders tight.

 “Not my call.”

 Steve scoffs.  “Didn’t ask you to make the call.  Asked if you thought I should tell them.”

 Bucky weighs his options. Be truthful, and risk Steve taking his advice and then regretting it.  Or refuse to give his opinion, and make Steve angry – and possibly give him a reason to keep sacrificing his own comfort for his misplaced view about the good of his team.  Better go with truthful.

 “Yeah, I think you should tell them.”

 “They’re gonna be mad I didn’t say something sooner.”

 Bucky shrugs. “Maybe.  But it won’t get better by waiting.”

 “What if…” Steve turns away, sighing and running his hand through his hair.  “They all think I’m so perfect.”

 Bucky laughs, and Steve glares at him.  “What?” Bucky asks.  “They aren’t going to think any less of you because you’ve got trauma.  They’ve all got trauma – it’s practically a requirement for the gig.”

 “But I’m their captain,” Steve says seriously.

 It’s not a joking matter to Steve, and Bucky knows it.  But hiding isn’t doing their team morale any good either.  “You ever thought maybe it would be a good thing for the team? Bring you – us -  closer together?”

 Steve frowns at him. “How?”

 “Maybe it’s time they understand that you’re only human, too.  You’ve got flaws just like they do, even with the super serum.”

 “Flaws, huh?”  Steve says, looking hurt.

 “That’s not what I meant,” Bucky breathes out, cursing himself.  “Issues, or-”

 “No, you’re right. ‘Cause if not being able to hold you in my arms isn’t a flaw, I don’t know what is.”

 Bucky feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room, and he gazes wordlessly at Steve. He’s about to make some comment about how the conversation had taken an unexpected turn when Steve launches himself at Bucky and wraps his arms tightly around Bucky’s shoulders.

 Bucky’s frozen, barely registering Steve’s face pressed against the side of his own, and Steve breathes out a shaking laugh.  “Christ, Buck, hug me back already.”

 Bucky complies, and Steve sags into his arms.  Bucky’s over the moon, and he can’t keep it inside any more.  “God, I love you, Steve.  I love the hell out of you.”

 Steve shivers, and tightens his hold on Bucky.  “Love you too, Buck.  Always. Always.”  Steve pulls back slowly, and runs his hand down Bucky’s metal arm, giving his hand a squeeze before he lets go.  “That felt really good,” Steve says slowly, meeting Bucky’s eyes.  “Thanks.”

 Bucky nearly giggles. “Anytime.  No thanks necessary.”

 *****

The next day, just as the Avengers are standing up to file out of the conference room after an entirely overlong discussion of training goals, Steve clears his throat.  

 “Um,” he says, and freezes.

 Clint grins and gives Steve a hard pat on the back.  “Spit it out, man.  Didn’t you hear?  Tony’s bringing in burritos for dinner, from that place that makes the spicy pineapple salsa.  We haven’t got all day.”

 Steve cringes, and Bucky’s heart goes out to him as the silence continues.  But he’s got the Avengers’ attention now, especially Bruce, who is sending Steve an encouraging look.  Natasha seems to understand that there’s something wrong, and she shoves Clint out of the way, putting a hand on Steve’s arm.  Of course, that doesn’t help.

 “Steve, maybe you should…” Bucky trails off.  He’s not sure what he was going to suggest – do it by text message?  

 “I’m fine, Bucky,” Steve grumbles.  “Look, it’s not a big deal,” he says to the group.  “I just… I’d like it if you guys didn’t touch me so much.”

 Natasha yanks her hand away from Steve’s arm as if she’d been burned, and everyone takes a step back.

 “Are you contagious? Did the super serum stop working? That’s it, isn’t it?  Do we need to quarantine you?”  Tony asks.  “‘Cause that’s no problem, I’ve got a whole spare apartment you could move into, was saving it for Thor but he always stays with Jane, just say the word and it’s yours.”

 Steve sighs, as the need to deal with Tony snaps him back into captain mode.  “I’m not sick.  I’d just rather you not touch me.  It makes me… anxious.  But I’m working on it.”

 There’s a long beat.

 “All this time, you couldn’t have told us, Steve?”  Natasha’s voice is soft, more hurt than accusing.  

 “I’m sorry.”  Steve opens his mouth as if to continue, then just shakes his head and walks out of the room.  

 Everyone’s head swivels to Bucky, as if they expect him to explain.  But there’s nothing he can say.

 “You knew, didn’t you?” Tony finally asks.  “It’s why you’re always so twitchy around Cap.”

 “I’ve known Steve for a long time,” Bucky says.  He thinks these people forget that, sometimes.  For all their teasing about Steve being an old man, they forget that Bucky was there with him.  That they’ve both been marched into the future unwillingly, if by different means.

 “Tell us what to do,” Clint says.  “We didn’t mean to upset him.”

 Bucky looks at Bruce, who gives him a nod and speaks up.  “You don’t need to do anything special.  Just stop the casual touching.  Give him a little space.”

 “No more movie nights?” Tony asks.  “We could Skype him in.  We could all Skype in.  I could come up with a better system, the audio never works the way it should.”

 “He doesn’t want to be alone,” Bucky says.  “He likes you guys.  Just maybe cut out the back slapping and shoving.”

 “I should have picked up on it,” Sam says, rubbing the back of his neck.  “I’ve known lots of guys that feel this way.  Shit.  I’m a shit friend.”

 “Don’t feel bad about it,” Bucky says.  “Just fix it.” He leaves the room and bounds up the stairs, looking for Steve.  

 He’s not in their apartment, so Bucky sends him a quick text.  <i>Where are you?</i>

 There’s no answer, and Bucky paces the apartment for a few minutes, then sends another message. <i>You don’t have to come home now.  I’m not bugging you to do anything.  Just want to make sure you’re okay.</i>

 Steve responds quickly. <i>I’m fine.  Taking a walk.  See you later.</i>

 *****

It’s two weeks before Tony suggests another movie night.  Steve accepts first, announcing on the group text that he expects everyone to be there. Bucky knows Steve’s trying to project confidence, but Bucky can tell he’s nervous; before they head over, Steve changes his shirt three times and fusses over his hair.

 Bucky’s not sure why this night is stressing Steve out so much – they’ve seen the Avengers plenty over the past two weeks, for meetings and even a tedious mission that involved six hours on the plane for only one on the ground – but he realizes why as soon as they get in the room.  Without a job to do, Steve is adrift, somehow even less comfortable with his team than he used to be.

 He sees Sam approach Steve near the bar, keeping a healthy distance between them, and start speaking to Steve in a quiet enough voice that even with Bucky’s enhanced hearing he can’t hear the words.  But it must work, because Steve’s shoulders relax just a little, and Sam gives him a wry smile.  

 Finally the two of them come over to the couches, Steve sitting in the corner of one, Sam taking the opposite chair.  Natasha is about to join Steve, but she pauses as she passes Bucky.  “He feels more comfortable with you next to him, doesn’t he?”  she asks under her breath.  

 Bucky nods. “Yeah.”  There’s no need to beat around the bush anymore.  Bucky sits down in the space next to Steve, and Natasha curls up in the corner on his other side.  

 As the evening progresses, everyone loosens up.  By the time they’re watching the second movie, even Steve seems to be settling down. Bucky’s hand is resting on the couch between them, and when Steve slides his hand over and wraps a finger around Bucky’s pinky, he knows the night is a success.  

 *****

The next day Steve comes back to the apartment after a meeting with Coulson, and frowns as he opens up his laptop and pulls up a file.

 “Take a look at this,” he says, showing Bucky a memo with “Avengers Eyes Only” stamped across the top.

 “This what Coulson wanted to talk to you about today?”  Bucky asks, scanning the document.

 “Yeah.  He wanted Natasha to go with me, but I told him it should be you.”

 The memo outlines the shady behavior of a very prestigious financial management firm, headed by two women with extremely well camouflaged ties to what may be a former HYDRA cell.

 “He really thinks these two are HYDRA?”  Bucky asks. “They’re some of the most successful women in the U.S.  Weren’t they in the news recently?”

 “Yup, when their book became a best seller.  Something about an update on ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People.’”

 “With evil, apparently,” Bucky grumbles.  “Beats out honestly every time.”

 “No, it doesn’t.”

 Bucky looks up at Steve, who is frowning even harder.  “I didn’t mean it, pal.  Just seems that these guys don’t ever learn.”

 “So we’ll teach them.”

 Bucky tries not to grin at Steve’s earnestness.  It’s part of what Bucky loves about him, after all.  “I’m in.  So – why me?”

 Twenty-four hours later, Bucky and Steve have both had a crash course on the latest accomplishments of the two titans of finance, and are on a quinjet heading for Washington, D.C. There’s a lavish party being thrown to celebrate the success of the women’s book, and Coulson thinks it will be the perfect opportunity to get close to them without arousing suspicion.

 Steve will be playing himself, a national icon seeking advice on how to invest the buckets of money in back pay he accumulated while in the ice, as well as the hefty stipends he’s been receiving for his work in defending the free world since then. Coulson believes the women will jump at the chance to be able to say they have Captain America as a client, and had no trouble getting a ticket for Steve and a plus one.

 The trick, however, will be setting up an opportunity to extract information from them about their possible HYDRA connections.  Coulson’s informant has noted that one of the methods the two use in negotiations is to always stay together, one of them constantly monitoring the ways anything can go wrong.  Coulson had wanted Natasha to go along as Steve’s date, and lure one of the women away from the other.  But a better approach had seemed obvious to Steve.

 “You sure this is going to work?”  Bucky asks, smoothing his hands down his suit jacket.  It’s without a doubt the most expensive piece of non-armored clothing to ever have touched his skin.  Tony claims it’s a spare he just had sitting around in his closet, but Bucky doesn’t think even Tony has an extra Tom Ford suit tailored to Bucky’s measurements just gathering dust.  

 “Are you kidding?  You look like a million bucks.”

 “But having me as your date…”  Bucky’s run this over a dozen times since Steve told him the plan yesterday, and he still doesn’t know how to say it without putting his foot in his mouth. “You sure you want to…?”

 Steve stills, glancing quickly up to the front of the plane where the pilot is starting to get ready for their descent.  “Do you not want to be my date?”

 Bucky’s heart pounds in his chest.  “Don’t go turning my words around on me.  That’s not what I said.”

 “Say what you mean, Buck.”

 “Okay, fine.  This how you want to come out?”  Bucky doesn’t really care about the world knowing about his own sexuality – no one seems to pay him much attention, anyway – but people have certain expectations of Steve.

 Steve squares his shoulders and crosses his arms over his chest, defensive.  “I already came out.”

 It had been a brief mention in an interview months ago, and had quickly been overtaken in the news cycle when a B-list celebrity’s emails got hacked and it was revealed that he was spying for Russia.  

 “Saying it and showing it are two different things.”

 Steve turns away from Bucky, straightening his uniform.  He’s in full stars and stripes, shield and all.  It’s not the most elegant outfit for a black-tie event, but apparently their hosts had requested it.   “Like I told Coulson, we don’t have to say anything about… us.  Having someone as your plus one doesn’t necessarily mean you’re romantically involved. And if Nora and Catherine are curious about it, that can only help with the mission.”  Steve sighs and turns back to Bucky.  “If you were uncomfortable with this, I really wish you had said something earlier.  But I can call Natasha, she can probably be in the air in less than an hour-”

 “Steve, I’m not uncomfortable with the mission,” Bucky finally blurts out.  “I’m fine.  I just want to make sure you’re okay.”  He reaches for Steve without thinking, and the flinch he gets in return as his fingers brush Steve’s arm only make the whole thing more miserable.  “Sorry, I’ll…”

 “No, it’s okay, I’ve got to get ready for it, anyway.”

 “For it - for me to touch you,” Bucky says slowly, pained.  “So you can be prepared.  Act like it doesn’t matter, like it doesn’t make you sick.”

 Steve meets his eyes, realizing what has Bucky so distressed.  “No, no – crap.”  Steve frowns, then reaches out and grabs Bucky’s hand in his own.  “It does <i>not</i> make me sick to touch you.  I swear it.”

 Bucky searches Steve’s eyes, and sees only sincerity.  But he can also tell how hard Steve is working at keeping his hand steady, so he gives him a squeeze and pulls away.  

 Steve looks down, crestfallen.  “Not sick. Nervous.  Happy.  A little shaky, depending on the situation.”  He raises his head and holds Bucky’s gaze.  “Not sick.”

 “Okay.”  But the lump in Bucky’s throat won’t go away.

 “Hey,” Steve says, reaching up to adjust Bucky’s tie, his face achingly close to Bucky’s.  “Let’s not touch at all at this shindig.  That way I won’t be pretending with you.  Not for a minute.”

 It seems ridiculous, but the idea actually makes sense to Bucky, and he can feel some of his tension fade away.  “But – then what about your plan?  Won’t they wonder why we’re not more obviously together?”

 Steve shrugs, a mischievous smile on his face.  “Let ‘em wonder.  Anyway…” he waggles his eyebrows and quite obviously looks Bucky up and down, “I think you’ll be distraction enough.”

 Bucky laughs, a warmth spreading through his chest.  “Don’t flirt too hard, you’ll break something.”

 “Not a chance.  Super soldier, remember?”

 Bucky flutters his eyelashes and grins at Steve.  “How could I ever forget?”

 The mission goes well, better even than they had imagined.  Nora has her eyes on Bucky from the moment they enter the room, and whisks him away to dance while her dark haired business partner works on convincing Steve to invest his money with their firm.  Bucky catches Steve watching them so often he starts composing lectures to Steve with the part of his mind that isn’t occupied with keeping Nora entertained, mostly of  the “I can take care of myself, stay in your own lane” variety.

 But when he and Nora join Steve and Catherine at the bar after a slow dance, Bucky gets a closer look at Steve’s face as he turns to offer a stiff greeting to Nora.  He recognizes Steve’s expression as one he hasn’t seen in a very long time.  Steve Rogers – Captain America, every beautiful muscle of him – is jealous.

 Back on the jet, once they’re in the air, Steve quickly runs down what he learned.  Coulson wants the information as soon as possible, so they do a quick debrief over a secure line.  As hoped, in the course of convincing Steve to give their firm his money, Catherine had spoken about the many people who she had advised over the years, including some names that were definitely HYDRA adjacent.  It was exactly what Coulson needed to keep the investigation going.

 That task done, Steve makes an offhand comment about how much Nora enjoyed Bucky’s company. There’s a bitterness there that bothers Bucky.

 “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

 Steve looks surprised to be caught out, and then chagrined.  “Sorry.  Got no right to be.”

 Bucky frowns.  “What’s that even supposed to mean?”  

 Steve just shrugs and goes up to the front of the jet, ostensibly to help the pilot with something. Bucky knows he’s just avoiding him, and he doesn’t like it.  But he’s been up forever, and if Steve is going to be a pill, he might as well get some sleep.

 Bucky takes off his suit jacket and sets it carefully on the seat next to him, loosens his tie, and stretches his feet out, ankles crossed in front of him.  He knows he looks good… he’s tempted to watch to see if Steve checks him out, but Steve is decidedly paying attention only to their flight plans, so Bucky lets his eyes fall closed.

 He’s almost dozed off two or three times when he opens his eyes to find Steve standing in front of him, an indecipherable expression on his face.

 “Can you help me with this?” Steve asks, tugging on the straps of his shield harness.  “I think one of the straps is twisted.”

 Bucky nods and stands up, going behind Steve to check the buckles pressed firmly against the center of his back.  One of the straps is indeed twisted, and just as Bucky starts to straighten it out, the plane bumps in a bit of turbulence and Bucky jostles up against Steve, both his hands going to his shoulders, his hip bouncing off Steve’s side.

 “Shit, I’m sorry.”

 “It’s okay,” Steve replies quickly.

 “Hard to do this without touching you, sorry.”

 Steve lets out a shy laugh under his breath.  “That was kind of the point.”

 Bucky freezes, his fingers still wrapped around the harness straps.  He wants to ask for clarification, wants to make sure, but it’s not as if he didn’t hear Steve loud and clear.  Maybe Steve needs him to trust him on this.

 “Okay,” he says calmly, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.  The harness is fairly simple – a loop around each arm, meeting in the back in a metal bracket that holds Steve’s shield.  Bucky traces his hands around the leather around Steve’s right arm first, making sure it is lying flat, then rests his right hand lightly on Steve’s shoulder as he does the same with the strap around Steve’s left arm.  

 He’s right up against Steve’s back, reaching around him carefully.  Steve inclines his head to the side, eyes fluttering closed, as if he’s trying to soak in Bucky’s presence.

 Bucky stays still for a moment, then runs his fingers over the twisted piece on Steve’s back, smoothing it out so that it passes easily through the metal buckle.  

 “I think it’s fixed,” Bucky says quietly.  “Want me to help you get it off?”

 Steve nods, barely moving. Bucky gently tugs on the straps where they rest on Steve’s shoulders, and Steve arches his back to let him remove the harness.

 There’s a long moment, then, when neither of them move, and then Steve turns to face Bucky, his blue eyes wide.

 “Thanks.”  It means more than Steve is saying, a combination of apology and promise, but Bucky knows better than to press him now.

 “Anytime.”

 Steve takes the harness from Bucky and stows it in his duffel, then retreats into the bathroom to change out of his uniform.  When he comes back in his sweats and t-shirt he sits down next to Bucky and rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder, as if it’s a perfectly normal thing for Steve to do.

 “You must be beat,” Bucky says, not wanting to break the spell.

 “Been a long day.”

 Bucky stretches a little bit, adjusts his position so that Steve can rest more comfortably against him. “We should get some sleep.”

 Steve agrees and lets out a long breath.  Bucky waits, as still as he can, hoping Steve will stay where he is.

 He does.

[mf-despair-queen]

Tech Support - Stuart Twombly

Author: @mf-despair-queen​

Characters: Stuart Twombly/Reader

Word Count: 4619

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Skype Sex, Masturbation, Oral (Female Receiving)

Notes: Shhh. I told @rememberstilinski and @ninja-stiles I would write them some Stuart stuff. Because Stuart is a babe and I couldn’t stop starting at him while I wrote other things. I guess Stuart is slowly beating out Stiles as my favorite since I write more for Stuart than anyone else? 

Stuart wasn’t particularly happy that he had to cover at the Google Helpline for a few weeks. He knew it was selfish to be mad at the guy he was filling the spot for. The guy who normally worked this spot had gotten into a car accident and was in the hospital. The doctors didn’t want to release for a while (Stuart wasn’t really sure why), which meant that someone needed to fill the spot until he returned.

Stuart also wasn’t sure why they had chosen him for the job. He wasn’t exactly the most social person at Google. Sure, he knew he was smart and could answer any question that came his way, but he was almost completely socially inept.

Stuart collapsed into the chair, putting his headset on. He dreaded the next few hours. This was exactly how he wanted to spend the day. Note the sarcasm, of course.

The phones rang off the hook, Stuart groaning each time he ended a call. Some of these questions were plain idiotic to him, and he wondered how people could even manage to work a computer properly. As his phone rang again, he rubbed his hand over his face and leaned his elbows on his desk.

“Thank you for calling Google Helpline. This is Stuart. How may I help you today?”

“Um…Hi Stuart. My name is Y/N. I’m having some trouble with my Gmail account…” your soft voice filled his ears and his heart jumped a little in his chest.  He wasn’t sure why, but a smile graced his lips.

“Well then, Y/N. Talk me through what’s going on and I will see how I can help. How does that sound?” He heard a soft giggle from you as he went about trying to help.

“Well…” You hesitated briefly, hoping not to sound stupid to Stuart. “My Gmail won’t load. I’ve never used it on my computer before. It always worked fine on my phone but I accidently threw my phone as this guy at McDonalds because he was being an ass.” You mentally slap yourself for telling him something like that. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

Stuart laughed louder than he meant to, earning a couple of glances from the others in the room. “It’s fine, Y/N. I will go ahead and walk you through some steps and we will try to find the reason for this.”

He walked you through things, all while making small talk with you. He seemed like a nice guy, but it could always be an act because this is his job after all.

“Hey Y/N, if you don’t mind me asking, why exactly DID you throw your phone at that guy at McDonalds?” Stuart asked, while you were attempting to follow the instructions he previously gave me.

“He grabbed my ass while I was standing in line then pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about when I called him out on it. He followed me around the store and even sat at my table with me. When I tried to leave, he wouldn’t leave me alone so I threw my phone at him to get him to go away. It was the only thing in my hand and I didn’t even think about it till I was on the tile, crying over my shattered phone.” You told him, ashamed of the story you had just told him. It was not your proudest moment, that’s for sure.

He chuckled over the phone at you. “You must have nailed him pretty hard if it shattered your phone to the point that you can’t use it for your Gmail. But I’m sure he deserved it.”

I blushed, smiling into the phone. “Yeah, he did.” You swallowed the lump in your throat, not sure what else to say to him. “Oh look at that. Got Gmail working. You’re the best, Stuart. Thanks for all your help.”

Stuart frowned, not wanting the call to end so soon. “It’s no problem at all, Y/N. Please give us a call anytime you need help. I will be here all week to help you with your issues.”

You smiled into the phone, leaning back into the couch you were sitting on. “Definitely, Stuart. Have a great day.”

Stuart frowned as he hung up the call, removing the headset and dropping it onto his desk. He rubbed his hands over his face. He was crushing on a girl he had never met. This could not be happening to him. He shook his head, almost running from the room. He desperately needed air after that call.

You called every day for the next week and a half. You may have been purposefully causing issues just so you could call and talk to Stuart. Whenever he didn’t answer your helpline call, you requested to talk to him, giving the excuse that “Stuart has helped with this problem in the past, so he will know how to help me the most.” Luckily, no one ever questioned your pitiful excuse and transferred you to him on the spot.

Stuart wasn’t complaining. He enjoyed being able to talk to you every day. He felt like he was getting to know you little bits every time.

Today, you were having problems with your google wallet. Yes, you had entered some bogus information so it resulted in an error. You needed some reason to call and talk to him.

As you worked on fixing the issue per Stuart’s instructions, he was rather silent today. “Hey Stuart. Why are you so quiet today?”

“No reason really,” he replied shortly. “Just thinking.”

“Oh…ok. I got my wallet fixed. I appreciate you help Stuart.” You frowned, wiping a stray tear that escaped your eye. You weren’t even sure why you were crying. It’s not like you even knew the guy. “Have a great day.”

“Wait!” You jumped at the sudden reaction and dropped your phone on the ground.

“Shit!” You scrambled for the phone, falling off your bed in the process. Stuart heard the thump over his headset, and a long string of curses coming from your mouth. “I am so sorry Stuart! I dropped my phone. Did you need something?”

“I um…” Stuart gulped, his Adam’s Apple bobbed slightly with the action and his hand wrung the bottom of his shirt, nervous to even ask. “I was wonder…if I could actually get your phone number. I can’t see your phone number through the helpline and…I want to be able to talk to you outside of work too. I could even help you with all your technical difficulties too. If that’s ok with you of course! I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything. I mean um…”

Stuart trailed off, embarrassed he had even asked. He should just start apologizing now.

“Sure. Do you have a piece of paper ready?” Stuart blinked, unsure he even heard you right. He scrambled to find a piece of paper and a pen, digging through every drawer he had. Once he had found one, he happily wrote down your number. “Just let me know it is you whenever you text me. I can’t wait to hear from you then. Bye Stuart.”

“Same here. Bye Y/N.” Once he hung up the phone, he fist pumped the air, letting out a silent cheer. It was ridiculous to him that he liked you as much as he did. He had never seen you in person or knew who you were aside from the short phone conversations you had over the Google Helpline. He was happy, however, that he had gotten your number.

He texted you as soon as he got home that evening, and you guys spent hours texting each other. You wanted to know everything about each other.

You glanced at your phone as it vibrated for the millionth time that night.

[12:05 AM – From Stuart] So you never did tell me where you live exactly. Is it nice there?

[12:06 AM – To Stuart] Oh I didn’t? Well excuuuuuuse me princess. I live in San Fran of course!

[12:09 AM – From Stuart] Oh shit. Really??? So do I! We should totally meet up some time in person!

You bit your lip, hesitating on a reply. He was this close to you, and you never even realized that.

[12:19 AM – To Stuart] How am I supposed to meet you if I don’t even know what you look like?

You blushed and smacked yourself in the face. “What the hell did I just text him? I can’t believe I did that. He’s never going to want to talk to me again!” When your phone dinged again after a few minutes, you glanced at the display to see what he had sent.

[12:24 AM – From Stuart] -One image attached-

You dropped the phone in shock, landing with flop on your bed. He sent you a picture? Your shaky hand picked up the phone, clicking on the attachment he sent.

It was definitely a picture of Stuart. He was standing in from of a full-length mirror, showing off his full body in the picture. He was shirtless, his toned stomach in full view for you to drool over. His toned biceps were flexed slightly in the picture. The sweatpants he wore hung low on his waist, his v-lines distinct to you. A trail of hair led down his stomach, into his sweats, and you could only imagine what it led to. He had black rimmed glasses covering his eyes, but you could make out the distinct whiskey color behind them. His hair was sticking up in different directions, almost like he had just woken up to take the picture for you.

You stared at the picture a bit, the blush growing on your cheeks every time your eyes ran over it. Heat pooled between your legs and you rubbed them together where you sat, trying to relieve the pressure that was building. Your fingers flicked over the keyboard to respond, and you were grateful for autocorrect because you couldn’t spell properly at this point.

[12:29 AM – To Stuart] Holy shit. Fuck me man. Who knew the nerd that has been helping me on the Google Helpline was drop dead sexy?

[12:31 AM – From Stuart] I will take that as a compliment, even though you called me a nerd. And if you wanted me to fuck you that bad, you could have just asked.

You collapsed on your bed, your panties soaking wet from the last bit of that message. You couldn’t believe that he would say that.

[12:32 AM – From Stuart] Now do I get a picture in return? I want to see the beautiful face that matches the beautiful voice from the phone.

You glanced down at your outfit, wondering if it was acceptable to send to him. Your top was slightly see through so you could see your black bra with red lace under it. Your shorts barely covered your ass. You didn’t have any make-up on, and your hair was wrapped in a loose bun on the top of your head.

You took a deep breath before you stood in front of your mirror to take a picture for him. If he was going to send a sexy picture your way, you would return the favor.

[12:36 AM – To Stuart] -One image attached-

You chewed anxiously on your nails while you waited for a reply. You had never done anything like this, let alone with a guy you had never actually met in person before. You weren’t sure how he would respond to something like this. As soon as your phone dinged, you stopped breathing completely.

[12:44 AM – From Stuart] Holy fuck. You’re more beautiful than I would have ever imagined. I’m so hard for you right now.

You let out a small moan, before covering your mouth. Your thighs rubbed together more than before. You couldn’t take this guy seriously anymore. He was either fucking with you, or actually wanted to fuck you.

[12:48 AM – From Stuart] Do you have skype? Because I really want to talk to you right now, not just over texts.

You panicked, not sure if you should or not. You were flustered because of the texts this past hour, but you wanted to talk to him more as well. You texted him your skype name and grabbed your laptop off the table. You positioned it in front of you and tried to calm down before he called.

When his call finally came through, you were met with him slowly palming the tent he sported through his sweats. He groaned as soon as he saw you smiling at him. “Damn girl. Why are you so fucking pretty?”

You leaned forward, giving him a slight view down the front of your top. “I don’t know Stuart. You’re pretty eye catching yourself.”

He moaned, his eyes fixated on your chest. “Do you want to do something crazy?”

You eyed him slightly, shifting where you sat. “What would that be?”

“Masturbate with me.”

Your jaw dropped. “S-Stuart! You…” You swallowed, trying to think of what to say back to him. “You haven’t even had dinner with me yet. Why would we do something crazy like that?” Really? That was the best you could think of on the spot?

He groaned, his hand disappearing into his sweats. “We can change that. You can come over to my place tomorrow night and I will make you dinner. Now, please Y/N. Will you do this with me? I know we haven’t known each other long but…I can’t stop thinking about you.”

His words were sweet and sexy as the same time. Your hand unconsciously drifted to you clothed heat, feeling the wetness through your shorts. “I guess we can if you’re going to treat me to dinner tomorrow… But you’re going to have to tell me what to do. This is new to me…”

“I can do that babe.” He pushed his sweats down to his ankles and adjusted his computer into his lap. You could see his throwing cock resting on his stomach, the slightest bit of pre-cum dripping from the tip. He grabbed it gently in his hand, rubbing up the shaft with a grunt. “Start by taking off your shirt and shorts. I won’t make you jump into a full pussy shot yet.”

You blushed, your fingers finding the hem of your shirt. Lifting it over your head, you dropped it to the side of your bed. Stuarts groans got loud, his fist pumping his dick more. Your hands slipped down to your shorts, pulling them down your silky legs slowly.

“You’re trying to torture me, aren’t you?” His words were erotic, and you felt the wet liquid dripping down your legs. You sat with your legs spread out in front of the computer, your fingers rubbing over yourself. “Hot damn. You’re wet. I can tell. You should touch yourself for me.”

Your fingers slipped into your panties, rubbing themselves over your dripping core. You let out a moan and laid back into your pillows, almost forgetting that Stuart was watching you. You slipped a finger inside of yourself, your moans turning into pants.

“That’s right, baby. Just like that,” Stuart told you, his voice raspy. You glanced at the computer, his eyes boring into yours. He pumped his dick fiercely, not letting up for a second. “You should take off your panties so I can see you work yourself. I’m sure your fingers are graceful.”

You didn’t bother to protest as you slid from the wet fabric and resumed fingering yourself. Your other hand slipped up your chest and under your bra, grabbing at your breast. You moaned loud, clenching around your fingers. “Stuart, I think I’m gonna cum.”

“Do it baby. Let go. If rub your clit some, you might get there faster.” You watched as Stuart pumped, his free hand grabbing his balls tightly. Your thumb swiped at your clit, the hardened nub sensitive to your own touch. “Keep going. You can do it. I want see your juices flow out all over your fingers.”

His words finally got to you, as you came all over your fingers. Your vision went white as you let out the loudest moan you had ever done, Stuart’s name rolling off your tongue. Stuart’s breath hitched in response as his cock twitched in his hand, shooting his load all over his stomach.

You both laid back on your beds, panting softly. “That was probably the best orgasm I’ve had. Ever,” He told you, grabbing a tissue from his bedside table.

You chewed on your lip, feeling unsatisfied with this. “Hey Stuart?” You heard a soft ‘mmm’ from him as he cleaned himself up. “I know it’s late, but I think my computer is having some issues.”

You glanced at him, seeing his eyes darken at your words. He dropped the tissue into the trash can and leaned over to look at you better. “Do you want me to come over and fix it?”

You took a deep breath, whispering a barely audible, “Yes.”

He smirked, the lust in his eyes evident. “Text me your address and I will be out the door in five.”

He didn’t bother to wait for a response as the skype call ended. You grabbed your phone, falling face first onto the floor. “Fuck. Why am I so clumsy because of this guy?” You texted him the address and ran into the bathroom. You threw the bra you were wearing into the hamper and slipped on a robe. You wanted to be ready as soon as he arrived.

You heard the quick raps on the door and hurried to open it, Stuart standing on the other side. His hair was disheveled, his shirt on was on backwards, and he was barefoot, leading you to believe he rushed to get out the door.

As soon as he saw you, his lips were on yours in a messy kiss. He kicked the door closed behind him, fumbling to lock it as you dragged him towards your room. The kiss was heated, your tongues fighting already for dominance. Your teeth clashed, your noses brushing against each other.

You couldn’t lie. This was the best kiss you ever had. Your stomach was in knots, the spark tingling your lips every time your lips met his. Your lips seemed to fit each other just right, like a jigsaw puzzle.

You tugged at the bottom of his shirt repeatedly before he tugged it over his head, throwing it haphazardly onto a nearby lamp. You pushed him back onto the bed, and sent a wink his way. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch you as you undid the sash on the robe, dropping the entire thing to the floor. His stare caused you to blush and cover your body with your arms, feeling self-conscious about it.

“Oh baby. Don’t cover up. You’re absolutely breathtaking. Now come over here and kiss me,” he said in his sexy voice.

You shuffled over to him and straddled his waist. Your arms remained clasped around your breasts, hiding them from his view. He grabbed your hands and gently removed them from your body, running his thumbs over your soft skin. “I wasn’t lying. I may be a sarcastic asshole when you get to know me, but I am no liar. You shouldn’t be afraid to show off your body. You are beautiful.” He proceeded to lean up, pulling you down to meet his lips halfway.

You moaned into the kiss, gripping to shoulders to keep yourself upright. Grinding your hips into his own, he groaned into the kiss. His hands found your breasts, kneading them repeatedly.

He broke the kiss, his lips remaining close so you could feel his lips move as he talked. “Can I suck them, baby? They look delicious.” You just nodded, letting him flip you guys so he was on top. He kissed his way down your chest, flicking his tongue over one of your nipples. You let out a gasp as he blew on the perky bud in front of him and took it in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around it, letting you tangle your fingers in his hair.

“Stuart, how did you get so good at this?” You moaned out, barely getting the words out of your mouth, watching him switch between your breasts often. He started licking his way down your stomach as he responded.

“No idea. I’m not much for the dating front. I know I’m not a virgin because I had drunk sex with my coworker once. I don’t remember it though.”

“Oh…Well keep doing whatever you’re doing then. Because it’s working.” You giggled, feeling him smile against your stomach. He spread your legs, moving so he could kiss your thighs. Kissing each one a couple times, he moved to you core and licking it a couple of times. Your fingers twisted into the sheets. “Just like that, Stuart. Keep doing that.” He licked faster, his tongue occasioning finding its way into your core and licking your walls. When his tongue found your clit, and nibbled on it, you couldn’t stop yourself from screaming. Once the first scream erupted from your throat, Stuart’s hand covered your mouth.

“Shh, baby. As much as I love you screaming my name like that, we don’t want to wake your neighbors.” You nodded, biting your lip to suppress the noises you knew you would make. He continued working on your clit, running a finger through your folds and into your core. You had to cover your mouth to muffle the noises you were making, though it was getting hard to as he continued his magic. His finger pumped you a few times before he slipped a second finger in, scissoring your walls and curling his fingers into your g-spot.

You had to grab a pillow to cover your string of curses and he sucked and pumped your nethers. You were in heaven now, your stomach swirling with anticipation. Your walls clenched around his fingers and you pushed your face further into the pillow as you came. Stuart groaned and replaced his fingers with his tongue, lapping up the juices that leaked from your core. Your chest heaved at a great pace, trying to relax from your orgasm.

Stuart moved the pillow from your face and placed a sensual kiss to your lips. You could taste yourself on his lips and tongue, clawing at his arms to hold yourself together. He kissed over to you ear, whispering into it, “I want to be inside you now. Will you let me, princess?”

You nodded, helping him kick his sweats and boxers off, letting them rest on the foot of your bed. You felt him rub his cock through your folds before pushing on his chest, halting his movements. “Wait. Condom. We can’t forget the condom.” You hand searched blindly for the bedside table, knocking the alarm clock to the ground in the process. Stuart got the hint and opened the drawer, pulling a foil packet from the box inside. Tearing it open with his teeth, he pumped his shaft several times before he rolled the condom on.

Lining himself up at your entrance, he glanced at you for permission to continue. His eyes bore into your own, the answer he was waiting for evident in your lust-filled orbs. He eased in, hearing you wince as he stretched your walls. “I’m sorry babe. It’ll be worth it though. I’m going to please you so much, your eyes will roll back into your head. You’re going to have the finest orgasm you’ve ever had, unmatched by any before.”

He let you adjust before pulling out and slamming his dick back into you. A wave of pleasure washed over you, your hands finding their way around Stuart’s back. He continued to thrust into you, the tip of his cock already prodding your g-spot every time. Your nails raked down his back, leaving bright red marks in their wake. Your moans made his cock twitch inside of you, and each clench of your walls elicited a gasp from his lips.

“Fuck. You are so tight for me princess. Do you like this?” You nodded your head, feeling lightheaded from the massive amounts of pleasure he was causing you.

“Go faster. Harder. Please Stuart.” Your words were choppy, a gasp escaping between each word.

“As you wish, baby.” He complied with your wished, slamming his cock into you harder, at an ungodly speed. Your mewls met his ears, your back arched to his touch. One of his hands held your waist, the other grabbed your thigh, shifting it in a way that would allow him to reach deeper into your depths. He would roll and rotate his hips into yours, the sensational rush of pleasure filling your body with each movement.

His motions started to get staggered and sloppy, telling you he was near his peak. Your wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you. “You can cum, Stuart. You don’t need to hold back.”

He let out a groan, rubbing your clit as he neared his orgasm. A knot formed in your stomach, the rubbing drawing you closer to your end. Your walls clenched around his cock one final time, milking him as he released his load into the condom, filling it to the brim with semen. Your eyes rolled back as your orgasm hit you for the second time that night, Stuart’s name falling from your tongue once more.

Resting his sweaty forehead against yours, he kissed your lips sweetly before pulling out. The removed the condom and tied it off, dropping it into the trashcan you had by your bed. You let out a sigh and curled up against his side. Stuart pulled the blankets over you both and kissed your forehead.

“That was the best, Y/N. Way better than drunk sex I can’t remember.” You giggled, placing sweet kisses along his jaw. “We’ll get to do it again sometime, right?”

“You want to keep seeing me?” Your eyebrows furrowed at his questioned, unsure why he was still interested. “Why would you want to do that? I’m not smart like you. I’m clumsy. And I can’t even handle my computer sometimes.”

“Of course I want to keep seeing you.” He frowned at you, confused by what you were telling him. “I know it’s crazy, but I have really strong feelings for you already. I’ve only been talking to you for what? Nearly two weeks? But I want you to be my girlfriend. I don’t care if you’re clumsy or can’t handle a computer. It just means I can be your own personal tech support.”

You sniffled, a couple of tears escaping your eyes. Stuart got worried, seeing the tears, and sat up quickly. “I didn’t mean to make you cry! Fuck. I fucked up, didn’t I?”

You shook your head, your smile beaming at him. “No you didn’t fuck up. I just thought that was really sweet.” You leaned in and kissed him, your hands resting on his cheeks. “Of course I want to be your girlfriend. I want you to be my very own tech support.”

“Good,” he stated, smiling at you and running a hand through your hair. He paused, staring at you and blinking a few times. “You are still coming over for dinner tomorrow, right?”

You let out a laugh and nuzzled your face into his chest, cuddling his warm body closer to yours. “Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way, Stuart.”

He grinned, closing his eyes. “Thanks for calling the Google Helpline, Y/N.”

[themusingsofacurlyhairednerd]

All My Friends Are Heathens; Part 9

{ Part 8 }

{ Master List }

Summary: Octavia attempts to get the gang to start their own society in the woods in order to ditch school, Lincoln spills the beans about Bellamy having a date, cars are stolen, Clarke’s failing at being the Mom-friend... the usual delinquent nonsense ;)

*Delinquent group chat*

TheSuperiorBlake: who wants to abandon all adult responsibilities and create a Amazonian-like society in the woods with me??

i-make-it-go-boom: is this a Wonder Woman scenario where no men are invited BECAUSE SIGN ME TF UP

Murphy is getting on my last nerve

Jaaaaaasssssppper: Wonder Woman was a spiritual experience, I’ll dress in drag and do the hula if you let me in

Guns&Roses: Make him do the truffle shuffle

TrashPrince: U FALL ASLEEP THROUGH ONE SKYPE CALL AND SUDDENLY UR RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE ROCKS

Trikru: OCTAVIA MY LOVE MY LIFE YOU WOULD LEAVE ME??? WHAT HAPPENED TO FOREVER? OUR HAPPY ENDING?? :’( :’(

MillertheKiller: Lincoln, babe, don’t cry

I’ll be ur boo

TheSuperiorBlake: paws off Miller!!!

NurseGriffin: I’m listening

Greenbean: BELL UR GIRL IS TRYING TO LEAVE U OCTAVIA IS BREAKING UP OUR FAMILY

TheSuperiorBlake: everyone is invited you meatheads I just don’t want to study

Jaaaaaasssssppper: Cool cool

is booze involved then?

HeadbandWonder: ah come on! I don’t want to share a tent with anyone that smells like a gym locker :’(

NurseClarke: Guess we’re all sharing a tent with Bellamy ‘cause the rest of u guys smell like old socks

Bellamy smells like a forest after a light rain <3

TheSuperiorBlake: that’s oddly specific

MillertheKiller: Speaking of the freckled wonder... r shirts optional? Bellamy has abs that need to be appreciated

Trikru: that’s Clarke’s job

Iliad: Listen you toadstools I’m in the middle of a meeting 

If you’re going to compliment my physique at least wait until I’m available to appreciate the praise 

 Jaaaaaasssssppper: I vote to kick Bellamy out of our Amazon club he uses too many big words 

 TrashPrince: Seconded 

 Trikru: He can’t join anyway 

He’s too busy with his new beau ;)

 Greenbean: DAD HOW COULD U CHEAT ON MOM LIKE THIS???

Guns&Roses: WAIT IT’S NOT CLARKE?????????????

MOM SAY IT ISN’T SO????????????

 Jaaaaassssppper: UR TEARING THIS FAMILY A PART U MONSTER

 TrashPrince: I’M THE GARBAGE CAN OF THIS FAMILY YOU CAN’T JUST WALTZ IN AND TAKE MY PLACE LIKE THIS!!! 

 TheSuperiorBlake: IF IT’S THAT TRICK ASS BITCH ECHO AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE THAT PIECE OF SHIT DISAPPEAR

 Iliad: 

In

 A 

Meeting!!!!!!!!!

 i-make-it-go-boom: Mom did u know about this??? 

 Greenbean: r u sad? 

Jasper and I will make u brownies 

And give u hugs 

Jaaaaaasssssppper: we’ll wrap u in blankets and take care of u mom UNLIKE SMELLAMY YOU SHITBRICK 

NurseGriffin: guys I’m fine 

TrashPrince: LIES 

TheSuperiorBlake: u guys leave her alone 

She’s in the first step of recovery: Denial 

NurseGriffin: I’m not in denial you meatheads 

MillertheKiller: only someone in denial would say that 

TrashPrince: As someone who has gone to therapy several times, I can say with all authority that mommy dearest is indeed in denial 

i-make-it-go-boom: as a certified mechanic, I’m obligated to fix this AND FIX IT I SHALL 

BELLAMY BRADBURY BLAKE GET UR EFFECTS IN ORDER BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO BITCH SLAP UR SORRY ASS INTO NEXT YEAR!! 

TrashPrince: GRAB UR PITCHFORKS MEN 

MillertheKiller: I’LL LIGHT THE TORCHES 

Jaaaaaassssppper: LET’S KILL THE BEAST! 

Greenbean: wut? 

Jaaaaassssppper: I thought we were quoting that beauty and the beast song 

i-make-it-go-boom: I GET TO BE THE ONE WHO BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR WITH A BATTERING RAM!! 

TheSuperiorBlake: this convo really got away from me 

TrashPrince: #knockbellamyintonextyear2k17 

Guns&Roses: FOR NARNIA  AND CLARKE’S HONOR

HeadbandWonder: let’s hit him where it hurts!! 

TrashPrince: I’m suggesting a mob and all u want to do is kick him in the junk?? UR uninvited from our mob Harper 

HeadbandWonder: I MEANT THE LIBRARY THE TRUE LOVE OF HIS LIFE U DONUTHOLE 

TrashPrince: fine ur re-invited BUT UR ON THIN ICE 

*Operation Fake Out*

NurseGriffin: listen i know you’re in a meeting and everything, but we should probs tell them we’re “dating” before they kill you

Iliad: Oh I’m not actually in a meeting

I went to get us coffee, I was gonna stop by your house and surprise you, but I didn’t realize until I got there that I left my wallet back at the library. -_-

I just said I was in a meeting so I didn’t have to respond to their idiocy

NurseGriffin: awwwwwwww!! <3 who’s the best fake bf ever?

Iliad: Chris Evans probably

Any of the Chris’s really

But I’ll happily take second place ;)

Anyway... once I get my wallet I’ll bring you coffee and we can talk about when we’re going to let them “catch” us on a date.

 NurseGriffin: Just make it fast, Murphy’s trying to start a mob

Iliad: Copy that, Princess

*Delinquents*

Trikru: u know what would be more fun than a mob?? Inviting Bellamy and his gf to dinner so we can get to know them 

i-make-it-go-boom: pass 

MillertheKiller: hard pass 

besides I already broke the driver’s side window on bellamy’s rover 

NurseGriffin: U WHAT????? 

TrashPrince: WE MUST DEFEND CLARKE’S HONOR

MillertheKiller: Can’t talk I’ve stolen the rover Bellamy can’t escape

GET HIM BOYS AND BADASS LADIES WHO GENUINELY TERRIFY ME 

TheSuperiorBlake: Miller is the leader our amazon society doesn’t deserve but desperately needs 

TrashPrince: NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES 

 NurseGriffin: pls tell me this isn’t real 

i-make-it-go-boom: come pick me up!! I’ll repaint it and change the plates so the cops can’t find it 

Jaaaaaaasssssppper: Monty and I will wipe away all fingerprints 

 But within a month will have to ditch the car at the Mexican border, change our names, and start brand new lives in Canada from here on out you will call me Reginald!! 

Guns&Roses: I want to be Harper 

TheSuperiorBlake: I call dibs on being Murphy I’ve always wanted to be a sarcastic asshole with no concern for anyone’s feelings 

 TrashPrince: u r a sarcastic asshole with no concern for anyone’s feelings 

TheSuperiorBlake: feeling real attacked right now 

 Trikru: square up Murphy 

NurseGriffin: listen here children of Satan  

Jaaaaaaaassssppper: rude 

 TrashPrince: fair 

 NurseGriffin: Being Bellamy's car back and leave money for the broken window in the glove box OR SO HELP ME I WILL CALL ALL OF YOUR MOTHERS 

 TheSuperiorBlake: jokes on u I don't have a mother 

Guns&Roses: this just got real sad real quick 

NurseGriffin: don't bullshit me Octavia Blake 

We all know Indra is ur step-mother 

 TheSuperiorBlake: INDRA IS MY BADASS FAIRY GODMOTHER WHO TURNED ME INTO A KICKASS WARRIOR PRINCESS WHO DOMINATES THE SOCCER FIELD UNDEFEATED U COW I WONT STAND HERE AND WATCH HER BE DISRESPECTED LIKE THIS 

NurseGriffin: GIVE BELLAMY BACK HIS CAR 

MillertheKiller: NOT UNTIL U ADMIT U LOVE HIM 

Greenbean: speaking of the freckled wonder...

 He's taking this rather well 

 TrashPrince: Doubtful 

He probably had a heart attack in the middle of his meeting He's probably being resuscitated as we speak

*Operation Fake Out*

NurseGriffin: Bellamy, the platonic love of my life

U beautiful cinnamon roll

my pseudo lover

Iliad: Is this about my rover?

NurseGriffin: Oh so u are still getting the group messages?

Iliad: Getting them? I crawled into the back of my car to grab a book I needed to return while I was back at the library and APPARENTLY MILLER DIDN’T SEE ME AND HAS STOLEN MY CAR WITH ME IN IT!!

NurseGriffin: OMG

FOR REAL??

Iliad: No I just like being a drama queen

OF COURSE I’M FOR RHDKWNFIJINWIFJUP

sorry, I hit my head on the seat when miller hit a speed bump

NurseGriffin: I’m calling Kane

Iliad: Please don’t. I don’t want to have to explain why Miller’s blood is all over my car.

NurseGriffin: Bellamy I love you, but I’m not waiting for you to get out of prison if you murder Nathan.

Iliad: After all we’ve been through??

I’m hurt Clarke

NurseGriffin: Our fake relationship is not built to survive prison

Iliad: You’re supposed to be my ride of die!

NurseGriffin: ur about to die riding in your stolen car without a seat belt

*IceIceBaby direct messaged Iliad*

IceIceBaby: why is ur car speeding through the school parking lot like it’s a Fast & Furious moment?

AND WHY WASN’T I INVITED TO RUN FROM CAMPUS SECURITY IN THIS EPIC MOMENT DUDE!!

Iliad: because i’m not driving my car

IceIceBaby: damn dude

ur missing out then

I’ll put the video on facebook for u

Iliad: my hero -_-

*Operation Fake Out*

Iliad: Clarke listen

Miller is driving my car so fast I can hear pieces falling off

Campus security has been chasing us for eight blocks

The entire Arkadia police force is probably gonna be here any second with a helicopter and I will inevitably be shot out the windshield like a rocket in the next few minutes

So in case I go out like a human bullet, there’s something I gotta tell you

NurseGriffin: Is this about the time u cheated off me in math?

Iliad: That never happened

And if it did, I wouldn’t waste my final breath on it

I’ll pay for that *hypothetical* sin in the afterlife

Iliad: I really didn’t want to tell you like this

I had it all planned you know

We were gonna go to the botanical garden and I was going to sit you down in a secluded little spot and tell you... which sounds kind of cliche now that I’m saying it.

I don’t know, I guess I always pictured it surrounded by flowers so I could tell you they didn’t compare to you

NurseGriffin: what’s happening right now?

Are you proposing to me?

Iliad: Clarke I’m in love with you

For real

I kinda, sorta, suggested the fake date thing so you’d see I could be a good boyfriend and maybe, you know, wanna date for real.

NurseGriffin: u tried to trick me into dating u??

Iliad: Not mfhrnedifnrkfkj

NurseGriffin: O MY GOD BELLAMY ARE YOU OKAY????

BELLAMY??

*Delinquents*

MillertheKiller: ABORT MISSION

ABORT MISSION

OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO DIE

SAVE YOURSELVES!!!!!

TheSuperiorBlake: what’s happening?

Iliad: MILLER DROVE MY FREAKING CAR INTO A POLE TO AVOID CAMPUS SECURITY

WHILE I WAS IN THE BACKSEAT

HE’S NOW RUNNING DOWN THE BLOCK SCREAMING

HE HAS 5 SECONDS BEFORE I TEAR HIM LIMB FROM LIMB

maybe  a little longer, I hit my head really hard and then threw up climbing out the back window

NurseGriffin: why aren’t u answering my texts u jackass???!!!

i thought u were dead!!!

u can’t just tell me u love me and then not respond to my texts!!!

Greenbean: BELLAMY TOLD U HE LOVES U????

Guns&Roses: wait, but aren’t u dating someone new???

Trikru: i was trying to tell u that he was going out with clarke but NO ONE WAS LISTENING!!

TheSuperiorBlake: YOU KNEW AND DIDN’T TELL ME???

Trikru: i mean he never actually admitted anything but i had my suspicions

TheSuperiorBlake: all the guys minus jasper and monty are uninvited from the Amazon society

Lincoln especially

TrashPrince: WHAT DID I DO??

TheSuperiorBlake: i don’t know

and i don’t care

NurseGriffin: guy!!! not now!

Bellamy are u ok?

Iliad: i can smell colors

everything tastes like blood

NurseGriffin: where are u? I’m coming to get u

Iliad: don’t know

everything is spinning

MillertheKiller: two miles outside of Arkadia

can u get me too?

NurseGriffin: walk u cretin!!

u almost killed Bellamy

this is ur punishment

NurseGriffin: Bellamy stay where u are! I’m coming to get u!

Iliad: oh is it time for our coffee date already?

NurseGriffin: no ur going to the hospital

Iliad: not as fun but probably for the best

[whatwouldfrogsdo]

Stanley’s Solution

Day 3 of NurseyDex week is AU day, and this is one of the prompts where I didn’t have anything completed already, and I haven’t had time to finish one. Plus, the idea that I have has potential to be a much longer fic. So, I’ve decided to post the first chapter today and I intend to continue with it after @omgcpheartbreakfest is over, and probably also after I’ve finished Fresh. Anyway it’s basically a Freaky Friday AU with a bit of Stanley Cup magic thrown in and is set the summer after Dex and Nursey’s sophomore year (so 2016). It’s a direct sequel to Some Things Can’t Be Fixed (though, AU, obviously)

Background for those who haven’t read either that or any of my other works: NurseyDex shared a room in their freshman year, during which they started a secret relationship with each other. They chose to have their own rooms for sophomore year, and a combination of communication failings, mental health issues on both sides, and a desire for different things from the relationship led to their eventual break up after the Dib Flip.

AO3

The first day of four had passed of the Penguins’ prospect camp and Derek hadn’t quite bonded with anybody else there. He had tried to talk to the one other Black defenseman, but then they had been pitched against each other in practice and by the time he tried to track him down later, it was only to hear a sexist locker-room comment which would never be heard within Faber’s walls.

So, Derek found himself at the end of the day not particularly wanting to do anything except go back to his hotel room and Skype Ransom and Holster, who were currently in Cape Cod, or Chowder, who was at his own prospect camp in Tampa. There were still three days to get through, however, so he forced himself to stick with the crowd who wanted to socialize.

“Ready to go pick up some puck bunnies?” one guy asked Derek and a couple of others when they were dismissed from the day’s debrief. He was a recent graduate who was on his fourth prospect camp after having been drafted in 2012, and was acting superior about it towards all of those who were new to the deal.

Derek shrugged. “Ah, I probably won’t—”

“Wait!” another rookie interrupted; this one an eighteen year old who was more enthusiastic than Chowder, and had been nicknamed Giddy as a result. “I need another look at the cup before we go. Oh, God, do you think they’ll let me take a selfie with it? I mean, it won’t be here later in the week, will it? The tour’s about to start!”

The rest of them sighed, but hung back to wait for Giddy as he asked the Keeper of the Cup if he could take a selfie.

“Got a girl back home, then, Nurse?”

Derek hesitated. The assumptions in that question were immense. “No.”

“Ah, but there’s someone you’ve got your eye on.” It was a statement, and it was delivered with such a certainty that Derek didn’t feel like he could deny it. Especially not when his mind had suddenly darted to Dex.

“Yeah. Well, we were sort of— Uh. It’s my ex. But there’s certain things— I just wish we could see things from each other’s point of view, you know? Then we could sort it out.”

“Bro. That’s some hang up you’ve got there. Sounds like you need a lay.”

Derek winced. That was unlikely. He was saved the trouble of responding by Giddy tearing himself away from the Cup. An hour into drinking, and it would be easy for him to disappear, leaving his fellow prospects to assume he had hooked up with someone when instead he could go back to his hotel room alone.

Derek frowned, eyes still closed. Why he was hearing the repetitive tone of an Android phone alarm instead of Can I Kick It, he didn’t understand. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and looked up at the ceiling, which was much closer than it should be. The alarm was irritating, so he twisted around to look for the cause.

“What the fuck?” he whispered.

He must still be dreaming, because there was no way he had gone to sleep in a Pittsburgh hotel and woken up in the Haus. He couldn’t have gone to sleep topless and woken up wearing a long-sleeved button-up which was tickling at his collarbone. And yet, it seemed so real: the way he was clearly in Lardo’s bed and it looked like Dex’s Samsung which was buzzing away on the top of the cupboard-turned-bedside-table. And, when he reached out to silence the thing, it was with a white, freckled hand.

“Fuck this is a messed-up dream,” he said to himself, staring at Dex’s reflection in the phone screen.

It hurt when he pinched himself. Derek wondered if that was just a saying people used which held no truth. He was surprised, however, to find that the familiar pool of fear in his stomach grew as he looked down the steps of the lofted bed. It’s just a dream. If it’s just a dream, why did it feel so nightmarish to be a few feet off the ground? He would wake up in Pittsburgh in a moment.

His heartbeat was picking up at an alarming rate, and his chest started to hurt. He wasn’t waking up, and he was still staring down at the floorboards, which appeared to be spinning. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He typed Will’s birthday into the phone unlock screen.

Incorrect PIN.

He typed in his own birthday.

Incorrect PIN.

“What the fuck. If it’s my dream, shouldn’t I be able to guess the damn PIN?” he growled at the phone in frustration. His heart fluttered, and he expected to start feeling detached from the room in any second, but the feeling never came. Instead, the ache in his chest grew, and his breathing shallowed beyond his control. Three more fruitless attempts, (2428, 2824, and 1996) and the phone locked him out to try again in 30 seconds. By now, he was in a full panic, tears streaming down his face, his whole body trembling with his struggle to breathe. He fumbled with the bottle of pills next to where he had picked the phone up from, and eventually his trembling hands managed to force the bottle open and shake one into his sweaty palm. He didn’t have time to search for a water bottle, but he had seen Dex swallow his medication dry hundreds of times, so that’s what he did, surprised at how easily it slid down his throat.

“Stop,” he moaned, but his body carried on aching. He prayed for a blackout to bring the pain to an end.

The phone which now lay in his lap started ringing, and it was his own name which appeared on the screen.

“Yeah,” he breathed into the microphone.

“Derek?” It was strange to hear his own voice saying his name.

“Will,” he forced out.

“Shit. Derek, are you okay?”

“What’s going on?”

“I— I don’t know. I woke up in some hotel and I look like… Well, like you. So I rang me. Your password’s my birthday?”

“Yeah.”

There was a long silence in which Derek expected an admonishment, but instead Will started breathing exaggeratedly. “Breathe with me, baby,” he said, and that’s what Derek tried to do.

A few minutes passed of them breathing in synchronization, until Derek found the courage to ask, “You’ve been living at the Haus?”

“Yeah, it was easier to keep my job at Stop and Shop, and get another job in Samwell than to go back to Maine.”

“And you’ve been sleeping in the top bunk?”

“Like I’d let you go up there. You’d probably fall out of bed.” He hesitated. “You didn’t fall out, did you?”

“No. Nope. Just freaked out about how I’m ever going to get out, but I haven’t fallen yet.”

“Oh. I— You can do it. Just— Put me on speakerphone, yeah?”

Derek did as he was told, and bit his lip as Will talked him through getting his feet back on the ground.

“I didn’t want to buy the second bed until you were there and we could split the money,” Will said, as soon as he knew Derek was sat on the floor, phone back against his ear.

“Don’t be silly. If I’m going to be the one sleeping in it, I can buy it myself. We don’t need to split it.”

“Derek—”

“We don’t. It’s my bed. I’ll buy it. I’ll do it today, if we’re stuck in this Freaky Friday situation. What’s your laptop password? I’ll transfer some money to your card so I can do it.”

“You— You think we’re stuck like this?”

“It doesn’t feel like a dream any more.”

Will breathed heavily on the other end of the phone. “No, it doesn’t. God, how did this happen? How is this even possible?”

Derek shrugged his shoulders against the ladder of the bed. “I don’t know. In the movie it’s a racist trope about magic, and that isn’t—” He cut himself off, thinking back to the moment when they had been waiting for Giddy before going out. By the Stanley Cup.

“What?” Will apparently sensed the realization in his silence.

“It was me.”

“What?”

“I— Fuck. I wished we could see things from each other’s point of view and the Cup was right there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Stanley Cup, Will. I’m in Pittsburgh for the Pens Development Camp. They had the Stanley Cup there, and I wished for us to— for this. Except not this because why would this be how I would want it solved, oh my God.”

“It’s not— Stanley Cup magic isn’t real, Derek.”

“Neither was waking up in your ex-boyfriend’s body as far as we knew yesterday, and yet here we fucking are.”

“Baby—”

“Don’t,” Derek snapped, “call me that.”

“I’m sorry.”

For the break-up, or for the term of endearment, Derek didn’t know, but he bit back the question. It was probably better not finding out.

“I have to get to work,” Will finally said, when Derek didn’t respond. “I’m just working nine thirty, three at Stop and Shop today so you’re getting off lightly. Uh. I’ll text you all my passcodes and stuff.”

“You— You want me to go into work for you? Can’t I call in sick?” Derek stared at the floor in shock.

Will clicked his tongue. “And you’d be happy for me to tell the Penguins you’re too sick to go to training today?”

“That’s different! We both play hockey! I have no idea what I’m supposed to do at your job. I’ll get you fired or something.”

“Yeah, and if you call in sick less than an hour before I have to be in then they won’t bother extending my contract in a month’s time. Please, Derek, it’s not even a full day. It’s so easy, you’ll be fine.”

“Shit. Shit, okay. Practice is at quarter to ten. I’ve already got a Lyft booked for nine to go to UPMC.”

“Okay. Wear suncream for the walk in. There’s some in my locker for when you’re coming back, but leave it in there. Um. My locker key’s on my staff card in my work jacket pocket. Number 67. You’ll want to make something for lunch to take, too, because the break length sucks, and trust me you want every minute you can sitting down instead of walking back down to the floor to buy food.”

“‘Kay,” Derek said, though he wondered how in hell they were going to pull today off like this. “Don’t have any dairy.”

“I know your diet, Derek.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t mind if you want meat or anything. I can’t guarantee my body will be too happy about it after this long of never eating it, but I don’t mind. Just you really do have to be careful of labels for the dairy.”

“I’m not going to eat anything you don’t normally. I couldn’t do that.”

Derek wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Well... you put suncream on too, okay? And don’t mess up my hair.”

“I’m going to be wearing a helmet, so no guarantees there.”

Derek sighed and leaned his head backwards. “Right. Okay. Call me later. And text me anything else I need to know. I’ll find you my flight details back to New York and if this is still a thing at the weekend, then you can drive up to Samwell Sunday morning. What’s your phone PIN?”

“6174.”

Derek frowned, trying to figure out some meaning to it. “Is that… Your parents’ anniversary? June 1st, ‘74?”

“What? No, my parents got married in ninety-four. It’s closer to their birthdays, but… no. It’s Kaprekar’s constant.”

“What’s that?”

“I… Just Google it. I need to shower if I’m going to get out of here by nine.”

“Wait! 6174, yeah?” Derek confirmed, scribbling the numbers on the palm of his hand when Will confirmed them. “And I’m taking Seroquel at the moment.”

“Fuck. Okay. You alright, though?”

“Yeah, I think so. Maybe you being in my head will help things stabilise naturally or something.”

“Or I’ll fuck something else up.”

Derek sighed. “Don’t do that.”

Will was quiet for a moment. “I’m just on Prozac and allergy stuff,” he finally said.

“And I just took Ativan.”

“That’s okay. Can you manage the eye drops?”

Derek groaned. The idea of touching his eyes — or especially touching Will’s eyes, and it still feeling like he was touching his own — made him feel a little queasy, but he also knew how red the pollen would turn them if he tried to skip it. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Just Lithium and Seroquel, yeah?”

Derek made a noise of assent, “Make sure you’ve got my epipen in my hockey bag, but leave the Xanex at the hotel. I had it with me yesterday but I don’t think I trust those guys enough to risk it.”

“It’s only the one practice, anyway, right?”

“Yeah. It’ll be fine. Right?”

“Sure,” Will said, though his tone indicated that he was less than convinced. “I’ll talk to you later. Good luck.”

“You too.”

Derek hung up and collapsed into the fetal position. It was going to be a really long day, pretending to be the person he had been trying to forget.

[sfgfics]

Three Hearts Are Better Than One;

pairing: FinnxReaderxSami summary: You three have always been close, but that changes on Valentine’s Day.  warnings: swearing word count: 2,740 notes: So, first of all, this is the first wrestling fic I’ve written in years, and I’m really excited to get this out in the open. I was inspired by the picture that Finn posted of him and Seth on Valentine’s Day and this is what happened. Got a little out of hand, honestly. There may or may not be a sequel, I’m not sure, but there probably will. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

It’s been well known in the WWE universe about how close Sami Zayn, Finn Balor, and yourself are. Of course, Bayley was apart of your little foursome and your closest female friend, but it seemed like the friendship between you, Sami, and Finn went deeper. You all had a connection and you were all pretty much attached at the hip. So it’s been a sucky couple of months without Finn on the road with you and Sami but you all managed to make it work. Constant texts and Skyping and phone calls, it was just like old times, even though Finn was off recovering.

You guys had spent Valentine’s day together last year, but now it was just you and Sami. After a work out together, you both had splurged on chocolate and gotten three stuffed animals (a cat for yourself, a dog for him, and a giraffe for Finn that would be given to him the next time you were all home) and went up to your hotel room, where you both had plopped down on your bed and turned on Bob’s Burgers to have in the background. Both of you had your backs against the headboard, but you were slightly turned so you can rest your legs across Sami’s and you kept your new stuffed animal close to your chest while you casually played your new mobile game obsession.

Sami’s hand was resting against your legs, his thumb gently rubbing against your skin. It was comfortable, but you were missing Finn in the equation. He’d either be snuggled in between the both of you or he’d be laying down on the bed, resting his head on your legs or stomach. And while being here with Sami was nice, you knew that you both missed Finn as well.

You let out a soft sigh, and glance up at him, a grin spreading across your face at the sight. Sami was fully invested in the episode that was playing, even though you both have seen it hundreds of times already. You just find it adorable and you quickly switch your phone to camera mode. You sneakily snapped a candid, and he didn’t even notice. It makes you giggle and he’s turning his head to look at you.

“What’s so funny?” He’s asking and you shake your head.

“Nothing important.”

“Oh really?” And now he’s grinning and he’s leaning over, trying to sneak a peek at your phone. You let out a noise of protest and then sink down into the bed, holding your phone close to your chest. “Nothing important but you won’t let me see it? What are you hiding?” He knows how to get to you, and he’s moving to hover over you, tickling your sides to try and get your phone.

“Hey! No fair!” You cry out, squirming underneath him as giggles leave your lips. It only takes you a couple of seconds to give up your phone, and he’s letting out a triumphant noise, holding the phone up in his hands. But it’s at that very moment when your phone decided to chime that Finn had texted you. Just a moment later, Sami’s phone went off, and you figured Finn had just texted the both of you. He raises an eyebrow and you nod, giving him the okay to get into your phone. He and Finn both know your password and there’s pretty much no secrets between all three of you.

He swipes open your phone, looking at the text. “He’s wondering if we’ve checked Twitter today.” You shake your head, and then grab your phone, closing the messenger app and heading to Twitter. You quickly look for Finn’s twitter and then let out a laugh at what you saw. A picture of him and Seth.

“I think we’ve been replaced,” you say, turning the phone so Sami can see. He’s laughing with you and then he’s moving to sit up. You join him, legs crossed and you shake your head, making your way back to messenger.

{ to Finny Boo Bear: Both Sami and I have just checked it now lol }

“Well, now we just need something in retaliation. Just to fuck with him,” Sami says, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Oh, I do love the way your mind works.” Your lips pull into your own mischievous smile and you’re pulling up your camera once more. You pull him to your side and you plant your lips against his cheek, one eyebrow raised as you look at the camera. Sami’s laughing, and you snap one picture, before his grin softens and you snap a couple more pictures. And then, because Sami’s Sami, he’s turning your head so he can kiss your cheek and you’re wrinkling your nose in amusement, snapping more pics.

You both take the time to find one that you both like, settling on one of him kissing your cheek and you head to Twitter to post it.

@FinnBalor Whoops, I stole your Valentine from last year. @iLikeSamiZayn

And then you’re sending Finn a text with winky kissy face. Sami’s pulling you into his side as you both relax back against the headboard.

“He’s going to kill us,” he’s muttering with a chuckle and you respond with a soft laugh of your own.

“Oh, of course. But at least we had fun, right?”

“Always.” And he’s bending to place a kiss to the top of your hair and you let out a content sigh, snuggling into his side. It’s so easy to be like this with him, and with Finn, too. And you love it, honestly. How you can be affectionate with them and have them be affectionate back with no worries that it’d turn into something more or that it’d ruin everything you guys had. Although it’s not like you didn’t want there to be something more between one of them… or both of them, if you’re being completely honest with yourself.

You know it’d never happen, you’re all just comfortable being close friends, but sometimes when you’re like this with Sami, or cuddling with Finn, or all snuggled together, you can’t help but to want more.

Your phone chimes with a Twitter notification and you’re heading there, only to see that Finn had posted a pouty face in return to your tweet. ‘Breaking my heart, you two are. This means war,’ was the caption.

“Good lord, the fans are going nuts right now,” you mutter, scrolling through all the notifications and showing some of the best ones to Sami. You guys spend a couple of minutes scrolling through that, before you even think about replying to Finn.

@FinnBalor @iLikeSamiZayn Bring it on, Finny Boo Boo, I’m ready for you.

Sami’s watching the exchange with his chin on top of your head, still holding you close. “The one downside to this is how many questions we’re going to get about if we’re dating,” he points out, and you let out a soft laugh.

“True, but would that be so bad?” It takes you a moment to put together that you did just say that but it’s Sami who pulls away to look down at you.

“What, the questions? Or us dating?”

“Um…”

Well, now you’re kind of fucked. You really don’t know what to say to that. Or what you really want. You three are all pretty quiet about the dating aspect of your lives and ever since you’ve met the two of them, you all three dating hasn’t really seemed to happen. You’ve been on a couple of dates here and there, just like Finn and Sami had with other people. But you never really had any serious relationships. In your case, you felt like you didn’t need to. Finn and Sami were great substitutes for a boyfriend, just without all the romantic and sexual aspects to it.

“I mean, we can deal with all the questions. We get it all the time, regardless,” you point out.

“Yeah, but we’ve never really posted a picture like that.”

“You got me there.” You’re moving away from his embrace, moving to sit at the end of the bed. You can’t really think when his arms are around you. “But hey, we’ve always been platonic friends. And friends kiss each other’s cheeks all the time. It’s not like we’ve ever had more than strictly platonic feelings for each other…” you pause, glancing up at him. “Right?” The last word is soft, and your heart is beating fast. Because fuck, of course your big mouth and actions would cause problems for everyone. Can nothing ever go right?

It’s Sami’s turn to go silent and he’s not looking at you and this is where you feel a little worried. “Sami?”

He’s rubbing the back of his neck now and letting out a breath. “Can’t really agree with you about that.” And you’re blinking at that.

“What?”

“Can’t really say that I don’t have just platonic feelings for you anymore. Or Finn, for that matter.”

“Well shit.”

That hangs in the air for awhile, the only sound in the background is the voices coming from the television. And then you realize how awkward Sami looks and he was being honest with you, so you have to be honest with him.

“My feelings for the both of you haven’t really been platonic in a long time, either, Sami.”

He's looking at you in shock and now you're both just awkwardly staring at each other. It's never been this way before and you're a little worried. “Well what are we going to do about it?” You ask softly.

Sami opens his mouth to speak but before he can say anything your phone is ringing. You scramble for it and you see Finn’s name on the screen for FaceTime. You glance up at Sami before answering it.

“Hey, Finn,” you greet, fixing a smile on your face even though you’re sure it’s not the best. And of course, the grin that was plastered on his face fades as soon as he looks at you.

“Hey, love. What’s going on? Where’s Sami?” He’s concerned, you can tell, and you hesitate before moving over to sit next to Sami so you both can see Finn and he can see you both.

“I’m right here,” Sami says, with a fake grin of his own and a wave.

“What’s wrong?” Finn asks, and you glance up at Sami before sighing.

“We just kind of realized some things, that’s all. And we’re not really sure how to go about it,” you inform him. Sami makes a sound of agreement, and you bite your bottom lip. You wish Finn was here and in person, because it’d make things so much easier, but you weren’t lucky enough for that. He was still getting his strength back up, training, working his ass off to join you and Sami back on the road again. It was soon, you knew, but it wasn’t soon enough.

“What is it?” He’s glancing between the two of you and you can tell he’s confused and worried and you feel so bad, honestly.

“Well, we started off with the fact that we’re going to get a bunch of questions of if we’re dating, her and I, because of that photo. But then we kind of got into the fact that we don’t have platonic feelings for the both of us anymore. Or for you, for that matter. So we’ve managed to get our way into a giant cluster fuck,” Sami says.

Finn lets out a breath, almost sounding like he’s been punched in the chest, and you glance away, staring down at the hand in your lap. “It just kind of happened. Like, if I’m being honest, the fact that I’ve wanted more than friendship between the both of you for ages just kind of hit me out of nowhere. I don’t remember when it happened but it did. And now Sami and I are kind of stuck and we’re sorry that we got you into this mess with us, but…”

Well, you’re not sure why you’re bringing Finn into this, you and Sami both like each other, but it’s completely up to Finn on how he feels and you wouldn’t be lying if you hoped he had some feelings for the both of you, too. You’ve mentioned poly relationships before, and of course, Sami had asked a lot of questions about it, always wanting to know more. Finn had been pretty silent through the whole exchange that day, but he hadn’t looked turned off by it, just thoughtful. And now you were hoping he was thinking about that.

“No, no, I’m just… well, give me a second to take this all in…” Finn’s face is unreadable and you’re staring at him, anxiousness written all over your face. Sami’s reaching over to take your hand and you’re looking up at him for a moment, and he has much of the same look on his face as well.

You’re all silent for quite some time and it’s only broken when Finn begins to laugh. Your eyebrows are raising up in surprise and then furrowing together when he begins to shake his head.

“You know, when you brought up that poly relationship one time, I ended up picturing all three of us in one. I mean, we all act like we’re together anyway, right?”

Sami’s squeezing your hand and your heart is beating fast. “Yeah, we kind of do. Honestly, when you brought it up, I was thinking about all of us, too. That’s why I was asking all those questions. You seemed to know so much, and I thought you brought it up because you wanted to see how we’d react,” Sami says.

Here’s where you’re laughing and you’re looking down at your hand in Sami’s. “I kind of did, really. But I didn’t want to… fuck things up, so I didn’t go any further.”

“That’s what I was worried about, too. Because I love the both of you, and I don’t want to lose either one of you.” Finn runs his fingers through his hair, and you’re nodding in agreement.

“Well, we’re not gonna lose each other. I love you,” Sami pauses, kissing your forehead, “and I love you, Finn. We’re not gonna fuck this up.”

“So… we’re doing this?” You ask, first looking at Finn, then up at Sami.

Their answers are almost instantaneous.

“Fuck yeah we are,” comes out of Sami’s mouth.

“I don’t want anything else,” is coming from Finn’s.

“Okay… we’re doing this,” you whisper and then you’re letting out a soft laugh. “This wasn’t how I expected Valentine’s Day to go this year. Went from no romantic Valentine’s to two. How lucky am I?”

“Nah, we’re the lucky ones.” And then Sami’s cupping your cheek in your hand, turning your head so he can look you in the eyes. “And first things first, I’ve been wanting to do this for ages.” And then he’s bending so he can kiss you, lips soft against yours. You respond instantly, your other hand going up to tangle in his hair, the other still holding up the phone so Finn can see.

“Fuck, I wish I was there with you two. Kissing the both of you…” You’re pulling back, biting your lip, and then giggling.

“We’re leaving tonight. We’ll be back home tomorrow morning. And then we can kiss as much as we want,” you point out.

“Tomorrow can’t come soon enough,” Finn comments, and then Sami’s pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I agree. But hey, does this mean I get you both as Valentine’s now?” Sami’s asking, his voice hopeful, and you and Finn laugh.

“I guess we don’t have to go to war, now, do we, love?”

“Nah. Truce?”

Finn’s heaving a huge sigh, but then he winks at you. “As long as I get to kiss him first. Only fair, right?”

“Very fair. He’s a very good kisser, just so you know,” you say, reaching up to tug at Sami’s ear. He’s blushing and you’re cooing at him.

“Shut up,” he’s muttering, and you’re leaning up to kiss him.

“Hey, I just thought of something,” Finn pipes up and you’re both turning to look at him. “We won’t forget our anniversary, now, right?”

All three of you end up laughing, and you know, deep down in your heart, that you’re all going to be together for a long time.

[silkthreaded-blog]

[21/09/2016 18:52:47] vicky: alright, lauren; seeing as you softblocked me on twitter, i’m taking this as my invitation to dump this all on you.

i’m annoyed, i’m upset, and i’m pissed off.

i’m sure pam already told you exactly what i said, because i asked her to, but i’m going to go ahead and explain everything to you and give you my feelings on everything. i’m blocking you everywhere after i send this, so don’t even bother trying to respond to me or trying to contact me, not even through our mutual friends. don’t take this outside of anyone who already knows about it either, because i’m not opening my mouth about this except to my small group of friends that know (bc i need to vent, and i’d imagine you do too), so i’d appreciate it if you kept this private. because if not, i will gaslight you for violating my privacy, i’m not going to tolerate this from anyone anymore, not after anja. this isn’t a negotiation or a confrontation, this is just me giving you information that i want you to know and i’m leaving it at that. for the longest time, i’ve had a bad opinion of you, and when we talked it out i thought we had the opportunity to build a friendship on top of that. but i guess you didn’t think so, and you were being nice to me simply for the sake of being nice rather than any desire to get to know me. and from what you’ve seen, you don’t really like me; not to say you ever said this (but i wouldn’t care if you really did not like me, you could’ve said so instead of wasting my time), but you said that we would never get along which pretty much made the implication. but, i’m not here to put words into your mouth. i’m saying this because i wanted to find a solution for all parties involved, and you refused it. i’m going to explain to you why that made me very, very angry; we’re at a level where i’m never going to forgive you for this, and i have no hope in the future for any sort of even neutral relationship. you’ve wronged me severely in the past and i was willing to let that go in order to forgive you, and every time we tried to work out those issues, it felt like i was the one who had to apologize. i was in a bad place mentally when that entire wankfest first happened, but i was TRYING to get better, and having my entire friend group sit on my back and demonize meand make me out to be a horrible person didn’t help. i was suicidal and i did NOTHING to any of you, but every time i went to fix the problem, it was always ME having to apologize. you all wronged me, and i forgave everyone in the end after i got the help i needed. when we recently talked over anja, you fully had my forgiveness, and i thought we could potentially be friends. i’m spacy and i have a problem with forgetting to message people; just because i didn’t frequently talk to you didn’t mean i disliked you. but now, i’m not interested in any further contact BECAUSE i’m extremely angry about this entire thing, so now it’s safe to make that assumption.

i agree, lauren. we don’t get along, but i didn’t want that to be the case. every time i think we find an even ground, somehow i still get cheated out of something, and i’m tired of it. i’m not going to continue to be silent about this, considering you already know about it anyway.

pam was my best friend, i was hers, and you knew that. everyone in the group knew that we were inseparable. before it was the group with amy and beth and everyone else, it was me and pam. that group thing made our friendship suffer because pam contributed to that nasty mob mentality, but she apologized for it and felt horrible because I WAS HER BEST FRIEND and she knew she wronged someone who meant so much to her. when i dropped everyone to deal with my issues, you stepped in and you essentially took my place. there’s no other way i could possibly word this, you literally replaced me. and i got depressed over it. pam said that you didn’t replace me, but i’m not an idiot. the frequent skype calls and chatting? all the matching blogs? the matching twitters? hm.

i went to pam and i expressed that i wanted her to make more time for me -- i’m positive she relayed all of my feelings on the matter to you, but i’m going to explain everything to you myself, so there are no misunderstandings. i said that i was jealous. i said that the matching stuff constantly in my face reminded me of the friendship i used to have with her, and it upset me realizing that we didn’t have that anymore. i don’t know if you’re aware lauren, but pam and i used to call with each other literally every day. she messaged me every morning when i got ready for school and she called me immediately when i got home. every day. and we called every day on the weekends. i was the person who helped her settle out her sexuality and romantic preferences, i helped her with her mom. i helped her with gabe, i was there for all of it in the beginning. i was her best friend. i explained to pam that i missed having this relationship, and i wanted it back. HOWEVER, i explained that i wasn’t interested in casting you out/pushing you aside, and i wanted to try to do a trio thing so no one felt left out and so we can grow more comfortable around each other/get to know each other, and also have a skype call to discuss everything, and pam agreed with the idea. you didn’t. you didn’t even want to. the only thing you agreed to was the three-way call, but let me tell you why i refused to do it after you told me no. why in the everliving fuck would i want to have a call with you and talk about my feelings of replacement and inadequacy if there was no benefit? what would telling you my feelings do to help me? because as far as i know, you would continue to behave the same after the fact and so would pam, so i didn’t see the point in wanting to waste my time. not to mention, hearing that you said no to the friend idea because we ‘don’t get along’ really ground my gears in more ways than i could possibly describe, because i really thought we could’ve turned our entire relationship around. in an instant, you proved me wrong, and you made me realize that i have no reason to even try to like you because you obviously feel similarly in that department when it comes to me. [21/09/2016 18:52:50] vicky: you said that you were afraid i would replace you, according to what pam told me, and that is where i lead into my second to last point: you feeling like i’m a threat is not fair to me. period. you have no right to say that you’re afraid i’m going to replace you when i was expressing my sadness in the fact that you had replaced me. i think that’s what made me the most angry. in the context of the situation, i felt replaced and to hear that you’re afraid i’ll replace you really made my blood boil. it felt like you replaced me, and when i told pam about this entire problem, i said that i DIDN’T want to push you out (i shouldn’t have been a threat to you), so you having that fear and/or anxiety really pisses me the fuck off. pam told me that she loves us all equally, but i explained to her that it didn’t look like that from an outside perspective, and it definitely didn’t feel like that. and you saying that you were afraid i would replace you was the icing on the cake for me. I FEEL REPLACED BY YOU. I FEEL LIKE I LOST MY BEST FRIEND BECAUSE OF YOU. and i’m allowed to be angry about it. i would say that you’re also allowed to have those feelings if i didn’t already tell pam that i wasn’t interested in making you feel left out. i’m not an asshole, i was never going to take her away from you, but thanks for having that fear, because it made me feel like shit when pam told me.

now, i’m onto my last point. i’m speaking about this one without my personal emotions, whether or not you’d like to believe that; but, your relationship with pam is extremely unhealthy. without revealing too much information, even hinnie was worried about your unhealthy attachment to pam. i was worried about your unhealthy attachment to pam; at least three other people besides us were concerned about it. it’s one thing for me to be jealous and to just say this, but it’s another for people to bring it up on their own to me without me having to even say it first to prompt it out of them. every person who told me this told me completely unprompted, they mentioned it when i explained this entire situation to them. i told pam that she should tell you herself, but that if she didn’t, i would. so here i am. when i talked to pam about this, i told her that she needed to learn how to spend her time without feeling like she needs to cater to people, and that you need to learn how to spend your time on your own. your level of dependency on pam is unhealthy and it’s not working for you, pam, or everyone else around you. as a result of this codependency, pam is taking a longer time growing and developing (she’s turning 17 soon, she NEEDS this time to herself most importantly) and you don’t know what to do when she’s not around. you have a lot of things going on that you need to deal with; maybe you ARE dealing with them, i don’t know, but lauren, you need help. not just a friend, but you need to work on finding a way to cope with your mental illness without the presence of a friend. pam’s getting busy with school and she’s getting stressed out, she shouldn’t be spending every second of every day trying to communicate with you because her life comes first, and you need to respect that. before you call my hypocritical because i used to talk to pam everyday, that’s different. her workload was not the same back then, and even then i encouraged she did her work. she’s a high school junior now, she literally can’t afford to be slacking during this year because it’s the hardest + it’s the year that counts. and when she’s NOT available for whatever reason, you need to learn how to redirect your attention instead of relying on other people. it’s fine to have friends, but you need to reconsider whether or not you should use them as crutches when they have their own lives to figure out still. i’m not talking about my jealousy, bc even after i calmed down about this entire thing, i still believed it: your codependency with pam is unhealthy and you need to figure out how to deal with it in a way that improves your mental health. i’ve expressed my discomfort about this and my concern to pam, and if pam really does care about your wellbeing, she’ll work on this too for the greater good. because i sure as hell won’t stop bringing it up when i feel i need to.

anyway, long story short, this is where i stand on the matter. i’m going to work on what i need to do to improve my happiness. if i need to drop pam for it, then so be it, but i don’t really want to. and i shouldn’t have to because someone got anxious about me replacing them when i said i never would. actually, i shouldn’t have to drop pam, period. if you respect me even a little, you should be considerate of my feelings and work on yourself + try to leave some wiggle room for me as well. when i said i didn’t want to replace you, that was me being considerate of your feelings. the part of me that still held a good opinion of you would’ve hoped for the same thing.

sorry for dumping this on you, and if this caused any kind of panic attack, i’m sorry. i genuinely am. but i’m not going to keep my mouth shut about this anymore; i’m taking action, and you need to be prepared for it.

[berkleydrive]

What to wear if...

You spent Christmas Day alone in Soul and then got a call mid-workout about a New Year's Day party.

(Chapter 12: Where Is Love? | Love Inside | a GOT7 fanfiction)

"Why the heck are you awake? Aren't you guys tired from the MBC stage last night?!" I ask BamBam, who called early in the morning to my surprise. It's 7AM and I am running on a treadmill, trying to get in shape on the first day of 2016.

"We are, but we haven't seen you for so long so we wanted to do a New Year's Day party at your place tonight!" He says. I can tell that last night's year-ender performance and afterparty roughened his voice. GOT7 had a pretty hectic December so we never got to hang out again after their house visit. The last time I got to see them was when Mina and I watched their KBS Gayo Daechukjae stage performance.

"Okay, well, who else is coming along then?" I answer as I frantically push the buttons of the treadmill to change my pace. I feel compelled to stop working out and start preparing because when BamBam says party, he means it.

"We're still asking around but I think Amber wants to go," I continue to slow down on the treadmill while BamBam rambles on and on about a growing guest list that might not even fit my apartment.

"Oh my god, wait, wait hold on." I press another button and the machine stops completely. "I don't think I can fit all of you," I stammer, panting heavily as I step off the treadmill.

"Woah, wait what are you—"

"Oh shit—" I blurt out. My leg is starting to cramp. "Oww, fuck!" I sit on the floor of the gym, moaning in pain. A male instructor comes up to me to ask if I'm okay and I nod, waving him off.

"Wait, are you with someone? Should I hang up?!" BamBam asks, suddenly alert.

"What?! What are you talking about? I am not with anybody, I just got off the treadmill and my leg is cramping."

"Oooohhh, okay," He says, chuckling over my predicament. "Well then stop breathing in my ear, you're giving me really dirty thoughts right now!" I can hear someone asking questions in the background—probably his roommate Jackson.

"How the heck am I supposed to do that?!" I ask, laughing along as I flex my calf muscles. If BamBam could see me now he'd probably laugh harder because I can feel my cheeks blush at the thought of him getting turned on by my erratic breathing.

"Wait, let's switch to FaceTime. Bye!" He ends the phone call without even waiting for my response and follows it up with a FaceTime call. I answer despite my sweaty, no-makeup exterior and BamBam comes up on the screen, still in bed, his mop of brown hair a mess.

"Are you happy now? I told you I'm not with anybody," I say, trying to breathe normally.

"Oh you really are working out!" BamBam smiles and waves at me through the screen.

"Why, what did you think I was doing?" I ask, stretching my leg gently, hoping the pain subsides.

"I thought you were having sex, you were moaning in my ear!"

"Oh my god, isn't it too early for that?!" I hear Jackson's voice and crack up instantly. Bam finally gets up and pulls Jackson beside him. "Annyeong! [Hello!] Oh, you look really sexy right now!" He adds.

"No I'm not, I'm a mess!" I shoot back, mopping the sweat off my face and body with a terry cloth towel. My bangs are sticking to my forehead and my bun is coming undone. Slowly, I start getting up again, testing my leg.

"Yes you are, you're a hot mess," Jackson says. I respond by vigorously shaking my head.

"Noona, I have a request," BamBam says, clearing his scratchy throat. I raise one eyebrow at him as I walk towards the gym's floor-to-ceiling mirrors near the shower rooms. "Can you please let your hair down?" He asks, his eyes focusing on me. I follow his command wordlessly, pulling the tie securing my bun. My light brown hair falls down to my chest in waves, covering the skin of my shoulder exposed by my lopsided zipped-up hoodie. I decide to fix it by opening the jacket all the way, revealing my pink sports bra and my bare abs. I've gotten very little progress at getting back to my old shape. My abs are not as toned as it was back in college, when my life revolved around studying, swimming, and working part-time. I guess that's just what a 9-hour workday does to you.

"Now switch to the back camera!" BamBam orders. I tap the icon on the screen. "Jackson look at my makeover!" I see Jackson gaping like a fish out of water upon seeing my full image on the mirror.

"Oh my god! See, that's what I mean by sexy. Are those abs? You have abs?!" Jackson comments, his eyes wide. There's chaos on the other end of the line because Jackson wants to see me more but BamBam wants to get a screenshot. Meanwhile, I'm busy laughing at them, realizing belatedly that I have never told them I used to be an athlete.

"Okay, stop, I really need to go and take a shower now." I ask BamBam to text me the final head count before hanging up.

*Flashback*

For the first time in three years, I decided to spend the holidays in Korea. My mom wasn't too thrilled but my dad was over the moon at the thought of me cooking kimchi jjigae with my grandmother in her massive kitchen.

And so, after GOT7's charity event, I found myself boarding a train going to Busan and spending Christmas eve with my Nana Kyung and my cousins in Suyeong-gu. At dinner they kept asking me if my hair and my eyes really were naturally light brown, all while exclaiming "Yeppuneye!" [So pretty!] over and over.

"Ne, kamsahamnida!" [Yes, thank you!] I answered.

It sent my female cousins—who I never spoke with for years because I didn't understand Korean back then—into a temporary state of shock. I still don't know if they balked because of my Seoul dialect or my bold acceptance of their adorable satoori compliments. Nana Kyung just laughed it off and kept petting my head like a puppy while the servants milled around with unending supply of food.

Nana Kyung loves to cook and though she's old (she's nearing her 87th birthday), her kitchen work is so graceful that I almost failed to remember her jjigae-making lessons because I was watching her with great fascination. I sent my dad a selfie of me and Nana which Hope said made my dad cry.

The next morning, Jihoo, who my Nana Kyung introduced as my second cousin, took me to Gwanggalli Beach so I can walk around and grab breakfast before heading back to Seoul. Thankfully, he speaks English because he's taking up literature in Kyungsung University. "So, what are your plans when you get back to Seoul?" He asked, his pronunciation clear and crisp.

"I actually have no idea," I said, munching on my toast. "I guess I have two and a half hours of commute to think about that."

"Oh, you should go ice skating or watch KBS Music Bank live! I'd love to see the special stages."

"I've seen KBS Gayo, I think I've had enough." I answered nonchalantly.

It turns out that Jihoo is a huge SM Entertainment fan so when he found out I work at JYPE, and that I've met Amber, he freaked out. "Amber is like, my ultimate bias. I wanted to learn English because of her!"

"Oh she's very nice, and very pretty! I'll show you a picture but you have to promise not to tell anybody about it, okay?" He nodded enthusiastically. I showed him the group photo I took the first time we met and told him everything that happened that night in Gangnam. He was slack-jawed, and I was overjoyed because I finally found someone to talk to about it other than Mina and Liv.

"So are you and BamBam dating now?" He asked when he saw the numerous selfies I have with GOT7's maknae.

"Oh my god, no, absolutely not!" I said, almost choking on my toast.

"Why do you have so many pictures together then?"

"Because he likes taking selfies. He's too young for me, Jihoo, I'll never date someone that young."

"I would date Amber, though!" He said, addressing the fact that he's only as old as BamBam and Yugyeom. He then made me promise to ask Amber if she's willing to date a younger guy.

Our breakfast turned into lunch and by the time we parted at the train station, we've managed to get each other's numbers and SNS so we could talk some more. I have never been so thankful for the gift of family in my life.

I spent Christmas night dressing up in my fanciest white fur coat and white designer dress just to end up eating alone at Hyatt and ice skating along with the families and couples on the frozen lake outside the hotel. Not once did I feel lonely in Seoul that night. Everything felt so serene, and the snow made it all the more special. For the first time in a very long time I felt genuinely peaceful. I remembered why I fell in love with the city despite all the hardships I had to go through while building my life around the deepening roots I never thought I'd discover.

*Flashforward*

My kitchen is looking more and more like a buffet counter of all the comfort food I can think of. I made mac and cheese from scratch, as well as nachos, and grilled cheese sandwiches. I have BamBam's beloved buffalo chicken wings, and Jackson's favorite garlic parmesan chicken wings. Mark's pepperoni pizza came just in time and my popcorn maker is ready to go.

I have soju, wine, and beer in my fridge, and red plastic cups stacked conveniently by the sink beside a cooler filled with ice. The dining table is set for six people, though I'm not exactly sure who else is coming. My living room is looking bright because of the fairy lights on the Christmas tree standing in the corner of the room, right beside the brand new gold and rose quartz curtains I've put up. I have metallic gold balloons that spell Happy New Year on the railings of my metal staircase.

I Skype my mom to show her my party prep work. "Wow honey, you've done a great job! How many people are coming to your party?"

"Well I'm not really sure. I think my friends invited, like, 5 or 6 people—"

"That's ridiculous, that is NOT a party!" My brother Hope interrupts, peeking over mom's shoulder. "Come home so I can show you what a real party's like. I have friends from Perth who are single as fuck and are dying to meet you!"

"Hope, will get your filthy mouth away from here please?" My mom orders and he grumbles away from my mom and her iPad. "Now, Lovey, remember to make sure your guests get to eat before drinking. Absolutely no drugs please," I roll my eyes at my mom and before I could protest about her plea to her introverted daughter, I get a calendar reminder from her.

"That's so you don't forget your dad's business trip in Daegu. He'll fly in directly from Hong Kong so make sure you pick him up at the airport, araso?" [Understand?] I can't help but admire her planning skills. It's what makes her one of the most efficient businesswomen I know.

"Arasoyo! Saranghae, Omma!" [I understand! I love you, Mom!] I wave at her with a wide smile before ending the call.

At 8:30PM the doorbell starts to ring.

**To be continued**