#SERIAL KILLERS WHOA

[5sospenguinqueen]

Growing Pains Pt 2 | Oscar Piastri x Reader

Summary: Oscar thought leaving was the best thing for you, but quickly realised he cannot function without you.

Warnings: Swearing. Fluff. Suggestive content.

2024 season. Childhood sweethearts. No facelaim, just rando Pinterest pics

This acc just ended up being Landoscar fluff because I consumed too much of them after Silverstone lol

F1 Masterlist

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mclaren just posted

liked by aussiegrit, ln4 and others

mclaren oscar’s post race interviews #bahraingp 

2,559 comments

mclaren please enjoy some clips of our aussie talking about the one aspect of his life NOT involved with his job

→ user1 did mclaren just hard launch a relationship?

→ user2 no because why did they post clips that specifically don’t mention a name

→ user3 yes but the familiarity of the way he’s talking about this girl must mean it’s one he’s known since he was 14???

danielricciardo caught simping in 4k

thisisnotyn oscar sweaty got me feeling some kind of way 

charles_leclerc oh god, that goofy smile is back. i know what that means

→ maxverstappen1 he’s going to start yapping more than i do

→ user4 what do you know?!

alex_albon mate, i’m not going to lie, i don’t think we can defend you from this anymore

→ oscarpiastri you sent me memes of my face. you have never defended me

→ georgerussell63 join the club. wait until he sends you reaction gifs 

→ landonorris i love getting those 

YourUserName pookie 

→ user5 um, is she calling oscar pookie?

→ user6 well, it’s not going to be lando. he was only in one of the clips 

→ user7 idk, we don’t know what happened between them. it could’ve been a bad breakup and she might be trying to piss them off

→ landonorris ew, no. it’s not me. they made up weeks ago btw. no way osco would’ve lasted this long without his yn

→ YourUserName what do you mean ew! you’d be lucky to have me

→ danielricciardo no he wouldn’t

oscarpiastri i also talked a lot about my performance in the race

→ landonorris and where is that footage, huh??? funny how it doesn’t exist 

→ oscapiastri yn says you’re not allowed to tag along to date night anymore because you insulted both of us 

→ landonorris :(

→ user8 what do you mean he tagged along on date night?

→ user9 why are we skipping past the fact that lando confirmed that they’re back together

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YourUserName just posted

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and others 

YourUserName ladies, get a boyfriend who looks at you the way Oscar looks at Lando (actually, can you get me one first because mine seems to be broken) 

1,142 comments

oscarpiastri whoa, you told me i was a handsome boy. that photo doesn’t look like a handsome boy 

→ YourUserName some people are into the serial killer eyes. not me though, that’s why i’m asking the fans to find me a new bf

→ logansargeant i’ll help

→ user10 we know which side logan is choosing in the divorce 

landonorris how does it feel to know that your boyfriend likes me more 

→ YourUserName i know how to cut brake lines

→ landonorris 😰😰

→ mclaren yn, please don’t threaten our drivers

→ YourUserName hey, i’ll take them both out if they don’t end their affair 

→ oscarpiastri and here i was thinking you would cut his brake lines so i could get on the podium instead 

→ YourUserName sure, we can go with that

user11 can we take a moment to enjoy the fact that they’ve been back together for 4 months and he’s still letting her bully him

→ YourUserName i’m riding the guilt trip until the very end 

→ oscarpiastri i love you

→ YourUserName i know

→ landonorris but not as much as he loves me! 

→ YourUserName i know where you sleep

→ landonorris yeah, with your boyfriend!

→ oscarpiastri don’t tell the internet that! 

danielricciardo lando used to look at me that way

→ YourUserName i think we should start a spurned wags group

→ danielricciardo i’ll bring the wine

→ YourUserName i’ll bring the lightning mcqueen crocs

→ liamlawson30 can i join?

oscarpiastri sweetheart, you know you’re the light of my life

→ YourUserName didn’t feel that way when you guided lando away from a puddle and let me put my foot right in it

→ oscarpiastri i gave you my socks! 

→ YourUserName they were sweaty

→ oscarpiastri it’s all i had… 

→ mclaren yn, please stop bullying him. we can hear him crying from his driver’s room

→ user12 no because the fact that the majority of mclaren admin’s online interactions are just begging yn to behave 

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oscarpiastri just posted

liked by logansargeant, YourUserName and others

oscarpiastri when you say date night and she says I’m not putting pants on 

2,329 comments

YourUserName thank you for sharing your pizza with me after i burnt mine <3

→ oscarpiastri i can’t wait to share more with you

landonorris did she hide in your neck at the scary parts 

→ oscarpiastri no she fucking laughed at the way he was running

→ landonorris you cuddled into her neck at the scary parts, didn’t you 

→ oscarpiastri i plead the fifth

→ YourUserName it’s okay, princess, you know i’ll always protect you 

logansargeant no because they had their ‘date night’ 3 days ago and the paintings they did of each other are hanging in their bathroom, and when i tell you they were a shock to the system

→ user13 logan, show them to us, please

YourUserName it’s not my fault that it’s hard to keep pants on when you’re around 

liked by oscarpiastri

→ mclaren we talked about this 

→ landonorris my eyes! 

→ user14 @ aussiegrit come get your kids

→ YourUserName don’t tag him in it. mark still thinks i’m nice

→ oscarpiastri no, he knows you’re a gremlin

arthur_leclerc not you trying to pretend that you are romantic when you asked me for all of those ideas

→ YourUserName oh really?

→ oscarpiastri i had a whole night planned and you decided you didn’t want to go out!

→ alex_albon no because you really had him stressing

→ georgerussell63 he was even messaging the grid group chat 

→ danielricciardo he had a whole group of guys debating the best alternative to rose petals

→ YourUserName because i don’t like roses 🥹 oh, osc. it was perfect

→ oscarpiastri 🤍🤍

→ user15 anyone else finding this suspicious

charles_leclerc a date night to remember, i’m sure. and not for the lack of pants 

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user1 rough night in the piastri house, he’s upset mom and wifey 

arthur_leclerc welcome to the family, oscar. please don’t bring yn with you

→ YourUserName you’re just jealous that i didn’t want dinner with you 

→ maxverstappen1 wait, i thought i was your favourite. why don’t you want dinner with me?

→ charles_leclerc you are welcome for dinner anytime, yn

→ oscarpiastri see, what you’ve done. now lestappen are fighting. you promised to keep your crushes to yourself

user2 i love how now that oscar is past his rookie year, his true personality of being a gremlin has come out 

→ user3 now that shy oscar has gone we’re seeing just how well he pairs with yn

→ arthur_leclerc and i can guarantee the grid are missing shy oscar. i have had to put up with this since 2021

→ georgerussell63 i can confirm we do

→ logansargeant now you understand why i prefer to be quiet. if you don’t talk, they can’t bully you 

→ georgerussell63 my name on yn’s phone is amelia georgehart 

→ oscarpiastri we’ve been together for years and mine is peestri pants, count yourself lucky

→ YourUserName lando’s is just fucker. 

→ landonorris the full stop included? 

nicolepiastri i have some questions 

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YourUserName just posted

liked by lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux and others

YourUserName weekends away with you  

1,012 comments

YourUserName thank you for a lovely weekend away from the madness. i could spend forever with you in our little bubble 

→ danielricciardo oh wow so you’re both simps?

→ YourUserName look away! i have a reputation to maintain

→ oscarpiastri no you don’t. you luuuuurve me

landonorris i can’t believe you left me behind 

charles_leclerc remove your head from that poor girl’s shirt. i raised you better than that

pierregasly someone convince kiks to do this with me. she refuses to go camping

→ francisca.cgomes because neither of us would survive sleeping on the ground

→ oscarpiastri neither would yn if not for the fact that we camped in the back garden

→ YourUserName why would i want to go somewhere without a functioning toilet! 

logansargeant where is your shirt. nobody wants to see that 

→ YourUserName i think you’ll find that i did 

→ oscarpiastri she’s a big fan

mclaren please come back, we miss you 

→ oscarpiastri yn says she still has another weekend before she has to return me

→ mclaren we were talking to yn

→ YourUserName miss you too, boo 🧡

→ landonorris why don’t you speak to me like that 

→ YourUserName ‘cause you stole my osc

→ oscarpiastri no one could take me from you 

user4 no because that last pic screams engagement photo and i don't know why

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charles_leclerc just posted

liked by arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and others

charles_leclerc i am an incredibly proud father right now  

10,226 comments

oscarpiastri in other words, i convinced the prettiest girl in the world to marry me 

→ YourUserName and now i have the prettiest husband in the world 

user5 how is lando taking oscar looking at someone else that way?

→ landonorris not well

→ danielricciardo he cried the whole day

→ YourUserName that’s why i gave him my flowers

→ landonorris no i earnt those!

→ lilymhe yeah, i still have the bruises! 

user6 miss rabbit has fainted 

YourUserName i enjoyed our father-daughter dance

→ fernandoalo_official @ aussiegrit the monegasque is trying to steal our children

→ oscarpiastri now i’m in trouble with mark

→ YourUserName i’ll make it up to you on our honeymoon

→ oscarpiastri 😳☺️

user6 fuck you to all the bitches who said they wouldn’t last because they’ve never dated anyone else

mclaren what a beautiful couple. i think we need to put those up around MTC

→ YourUserName i think zak would really appreciate them in his office

→ oscarpiastri what makes you think i haven’t already put them up around MTC. gotta keep my wife with me wherever i go

→ YourUserName stop making me giggle 

user7 definition of soulmates 

arthur_leclerc welcome to the family, yn. even though i asked oscar to leave you behind when he was adopted 

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YourUserName just posted

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and others

YourUserName i made something 

10,229 comments

nicolepiastri and an amazing job you did, sweetheart

→ YourUserName i love you��💗

→ user8 nicer to mama piastri than she is to her own husband 

oscarpiastri i helped

→ YourUserName you contributed for like 2 seconds

→ oscarpiastri stop being mean to me or i may fall in love with you 

→ landonorris 2 second wonder

→ YourUserName you would know

charles_leclerc i’m too handsome to be a grandpapa 

→ YourUserName certified gilf 

→ oscarpiastri i cannot believe you made me read that. i thought you were better than this

→ YourUserName whoa, i have never been better than this and you know that but i can blame it on baby hormones this time

→ charles_leclerc and oscar will let you get away with it

→ oscarpiastri damn right. she just had my baby

landonorris does this mean i get the chance to win godfather of the year

→ danielricciardo don’t tell me they actually named you godfather. you can barely keep yourself alive

→ logansargeant yn got to pick me so oscar was given the choice to pick the other

→ oscarpiastri we made the decision together as loving parental unit 

→ YourUserName the decision was made whilst i was high on gas and motherly love 

→ oscarpiastri stop making it sound like i coerced you

→ YourUserName you had your top off! of course i was coerced. piastitties

→ mclaren yn, no

oscarpiastri sweetheart, i have loved you every day since we were 14 and being by your side these past 9 months, watching you go through such a monumental change, only proved that it was possible for me to love you even more. i can’t wait to see our family grow 💕

→ YourUserName i love you so much, oscie. from growing with you to growing our own mini us, i’d go through all the pain again for forever with you

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Hi, guys. If you have requested previously, I promise they're coming. I've just got them added to my list

Baby Fever Angst Series

Tag list

@barcelonaloverf1life @rlalliehayes @dullypully @softtina @callsignwidow @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery @dark-night-sky-99 @majusialikesfastcars @luckyladycreator2 @bborra @mrosales16 @reguluscrystals @tvdtw4ever @alwaysclassyeagle @gigicisneros @spanishcorndogs @thecubanator2 @goldenharrysworld @awritingtree @sbrn0905 @hc-dutch @mxdi0 @buckybarnessweetheart @ironmaiden1313 @dreamercrowd @yourbane @glow-ish @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @leclercsluvs @weekendlusting @urdad-hot @lemon-lav @rosecentury @peachiicherries

[serailovesbagelsetc]

It’s the funniest thing to me how Galadriel,time and again,surpasses Sauron’s expectations and refuses him,and instead of that getting rid of him like she thinks,he just goes “Whoa that’s hot” and just becomes more rabid about her.She’s trying to get rid of this lunatic but he’s determined to become the ghoul haunting her mind palace.

On top of that she has to go around pretending to be sane like “no what are you talking about,I am completely mentally healthy and do not share psychological space with the biggest serial killer in the history of the world and I definitely don’t have Attic Ghoul Sauron creeping around in my mind”

Galadriel,whispering to herself:The mind palace ghoul has no material form and can’t hurt you, Galadriel

Elrond: Huh?did you say something?

Galadriel,mentally stuffing a salivating Sauron back into his jack in a box with great effort:I’ve never said anything in my life actually

[luvismenu]

here i go — pjm one shot

pairing: childhood friend!jimin x fem!reader

warnings: lots of scream (movie) references, virgin!jimin, teasing each other, smut.

summary: your virgin bsf wants to have a look at your boobs and you.. let him.

note: kind of like a bday + spooky szn special !!

wc: 2.2k+

♡ — permanent taglist: @https-mei @ari420sstuff @blaricee @jksctrl @blluee28 @jkvias @wnteraezz @whoa-jo @wobblewobble822 @jkslvsnella @clxssy1997 @nikkinikj @kayleesaltzmann @rrosiitas @naurnonope @lola75111 @somehowukook @redcherrykook @parkinglot-nights @deluluisdasolulu @minghaosimp @hyeon-yi @ririkookiemonster @svtrighthereworld @jmscaffeine @trinityxsope @taetaecatboy @butnotmontana @joyofbebbanburg @elinaki92 @sweetmimosa28

“hello? who—”

“hello, ___. what's your favorite scary movie?”

“w-who are you? that's not funny, i swear i will c-call the cops—”

the voice on the other end laughs, the voice effect slowly dropping, revealing the familiar sound behind it. you immediately relax.

“fuck you.”

“come on!! it's spooky season.”

you roll your eyes.

“let me in, sweets. it's cold outside.”

you scoff and hang up, heading to the front door. you swing it open, glaring at the figure standing there.

“you're an asshole, you know that? you could've gone to prison!”

he steps past you, grinning, as he pulls off his gloves and jacket, his laugh barely under control. “y-you should've heard yourself!”

“seriously, jimin, that wasn’t funny. i almost peed my pants,” you grumble, closing the door and turning to him with your arms crossed.

“aw, poor ___, scared of the least scariest character ever.” he mocks you, sticking out his lower lip in a fake pout, then heads straight to your living room.

“what!? a serial killer is scary! especially if he's after me,” you follow behind him, still fuming. “and by the way, did you get a new number?”

“yep,” he says, collapsing onto your couch. “and you know i can't pass up an opportunity to scare the shit out of my favorite loser.”

“why am i even friends with you again?” you ask, plopping down next to him. he quickly pulls you in, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“hmm, lemme think.” he pauses for effect. “maybe 'cause we've been neighbors since birth, went to the same school, same uni? oh, and probably because i'm the only guy who knows every embarrassing detail about your life. yeah, that’s gotta be it.” he nods

you shove him playfully, laughing. “you're so annoying. i hate you.”

he chuckles, “oh come on, sweets, you know you love me.”

“whatever,” you mutter, but a small smile betrays you.

“so, you got a boyfriend?”

“why? you wanna ask me out on a date?”

“maybe. do you have a boyfriend?”

“no.”

“you never told me your name.”

“why do you want to know my name?”

“because i want to know who i am looking at.”

“boo!!! casey had zero survival skills,” jimin suddenly exclaims, making you flinch.

you’ve watched the scream movies with jimin ever since you were kids. he loved them, but you were never a big fan. still, he insisted you’d watch at least one every year during “spooky season.” eventually, you got used to it. it doesn’t feel that scary anymore when he’s beside you.

your arm is linked through his, and your head rests comfortably on his shoulder as you continue watching the movie. the tension of the scene doesn’t bother you much, maybe because you’ve seen it too many times, or maybe because jimin’s presence keeps you calm.

well, except for the moments when he randomly yells at the screen and scares you half to death.

“so, you thought you’d climb through my window and have a little raw footage?"

“no, no. i wouldn’t dream of breaking your underwear rule. i just thought maybe we could do a little on-top-of-the-clothes stuff, just to make it pg-13.”

“you are a tease.”

“he doesn’t want you!” you boo at the screen, making jimin chuckle.

he glances at you from the corner of his eye, smirking. “___, why don’t we have a pg-13 relationship, huh?”

you scoff, rolling your eyes. “yeah, no, i’m not flashing my boobs.”

“but you’ve seen my dick!” he exclaims, his voice almost accusatory as you pull back, ready to fire back immediately.

“that was because you were proving it’s not small!” you remind him, your eyes narrowing.

“let this virgin have a look,” he pouts dramatically, sticking out his lower lip like that will convince you.

“i never asked to look at your dick when i was a virgin!” you shoot back, crossing your arms. he opens his mouth to counter, but before he can get a word in, you cut him off. “that doesn’t count. you were the one who showed me. i said i never asked for it!”

his lips twitch into a small smile as he tries one last desperate attempt. “pretty please, ___?” he pleads, giving you the full force of his puppy eyes.

you scoff, a small laugh escaping despite yourself. “fine!”

his eyes light up, and he sits there expectantly, waiting for you to pull your shirt off. you hesitate for a moment, your fingers lingering at the hem, but eventually, you tug it over your head, exposing the light pink bra with a small bow in the center.

his gaze drops instantly. he licks his lips. “pretty bra,” he murmurs

“thanks, pervert,” you joke, he's smirking like you just gave him the world’s weirdest compliment.

his grin widens, not even the slightest bit ashamed. “can i take it off?”

you bite your bottom lip, feeling your heart race as you nod. his hands come up, gentle and slow, as if he’s savoring every second. his fingers brush along the edges of your bra and trace the sides of your breasts, making your breath hitch.

then, with a quiet click , he unclasps the bra.

“okay?” he asks softly, his eyes meeting yours, giving you a chance to change your mind.

you swallow hard and breathe out, “okay.”

he hooks his fingers under the straps, sliding them down your arms and letting the bra fall away. his eyes darken as your breasts are fully revealed to him. the sight of your soft skin and perked nipples leaves him speechless, his chest rising and falling a little faster now.

“oh fuck...” he breathes, like the words slipped out without him realizing.

you feel the heat spreading through your body, an ache growing between your legs as you watch his reaction. the way his gaze lingers on your chest, the hunger in his eyes. it makes your core throb.

“touch me, jimin,” you say without a second thought. the words leave your mouth so easily, and the moment they do, he’s on you, not wasting a second. his hands cup your breasts, the warmth of his palms sending shivers down your spine as he starts rubbing your nipples with his fingers.

you squirm under his touch, your eyes fluttering shut when he rolls your nipples between his fingers, pinching them just enough to make you gasp.

“does that feel good?” he asks, his voice low.

you nod, biting your lip. the answer comes in the form of a soft moan when his mouth closes around your right nipple, sucking gently and teasing it with his tongue.

you glance down, watching the way his lips wrap around you, and it makes you dizzy with pleasure.

“sorry, couldn’t resist,” he mumbles against your skin, pulling back just enough to grin before trailing kisses along your breasts.

you let out a shaky breath, overwhelmed by the way he’s touching you. “are you sure you’ve never done this before?” you manage to ask between gasps.

his lips curl into a playful smirk. “love it too much?”

“i hate you,” you whisper, but the amused smile on your face tells a different story.

he chuckles softly and moves up to kiss your neck. “can i fuck you, ___?” he murmurs against your skin, his lips brushing your pulse.

“yes.” the word slips out of your mouth almost too quickly.

but then it hits you, and you pull back slightly. “w-wait, are you sure? i mean, do you really want me to be your first—”

he cuts you off with a kiss, his plump lips pressing against yours.

“mmmh...” you hum into the kiss, melting against him as his lips move against yours. it’s everything, soft, warm, and somehow exactly what you didn’t know you needed.

he pulls back just enough to meet your gaze, “i wouldn't have it any other way.”

“why do you even have condoms?” jimin asks, positioned between your legs as he rolls the condom on. you’d told him they were in your nightstand, so now the two of you are on your bed, getting ready.

“uh, because i don’t wanna get pregnant?” you reply. “plus, i’m not the virgin here.”

the corners of his mouth lift into a teasing grin. “damn, there are actual people who wanna fuck you?”

you raise an eyebrow, matching his playful energy. “yeah, and you’re one of them.”

he chuckles, shaking his head. “touché.”

then, with a serious expression, he grabs your hips. “alright… here i go”

you burst into laughter, the words catching you off guard. “h-here i go? jimin, we’re not in kindergarten!” you laugh uncontrollably, and he frowns, making you laugh harder.

“shut up, i was just letting you know!” he glares you.

you try to stifle your laughter, barely holding it together. “right, right. sorry... you got this, champ!” and just like that, you lose it again, dissolving into more giggles.

he rolls his eyes dramatically, trying to look annoyed. “you’re turning me off, you know.”

you grin, glancing down between his legs. “so why’s your junior still standing, then?”

he blinks, surprised, before laughing along with you. “junior?” he echoes

“okay, okay, my bad,” you say, catching your breath.

“for real this time… here we go.” you give him a mischievous smile, and he shakes his head, biting his lip to hide a grin.

“you’re impossible,” he mutters under his breath, but his hands slide back to your waist, steadying himself.

the playful mood shifts into something more intimate as you relax into the bed beneath him. with one slow, deliberate motion, he pushes inside you.

he groans at the feeling, his hands tightening on your hips. you gasp softly, biting your lip as the warmth spreads through you.

he moves slowly at first, soft gasps and low moans falling from his lips with every thrust.

“fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, his hips starting to pick up speed. the sound of skin against skin fills the room, and it has you gripping the sheets tighter, trying to hold onto something—anything—because he’s driving you insane.

“jimin— y-yes, fuck!” you manage to stammer, though the words are slurred with pleasure. it barely even matters. all you know is that he feels fucking amazing inside you.

he grabs your legs and lifts them onto his shoulders without missing a beat, the new angle making his cock hit deeper.

“mmh, you're so fucking tight, baby,” he rasps,

as if you weren’t already lost in pleasure, his fingers find your clit. he starts rubbing it in slow, deliberate circles, all while his hips keep thrusting into you. the sensations are overwhelming; his cock filling you, his fingers working you.

you gasp, whimpering uncontrollably. every thrust, every rub, every movement sends shocks of pleasure through your body, leaving you trembling beneath him.

“j-jimin—” you choke on your own words, barely holding on as the intensity builds.

“that’s it, baby,” he groans.

you cry out, feeling your orgasm crash over you. your body tenses, back arching off the bed as you cum hard, soaking his cock. the pleasure is so overwhelming it borders on painful, leaving you gasping, crying, and writhing under him.

“so fucking pretty,” he breathes, mesmerized by the sight of you falling apart beneath him.

watching your cum drip down onto him only pushes him closer to the edge. with a few more frantic thrusts, he groans deeply, burying himself inside you as he spills into the condom.

his movements slow down, but he stays inside you for a moment, catching his breath. you lie there, panting and basking in the afterglow, bodies still pressed together.

“holy shit,” you whisper, heart pounding in your chest.

he chuckles softly as he pull out, “yeah... holy shit”

“are you sure this was your first time?” you chuckle breathlessly, your chest still heaving as you try to catch your breath.

he laughs along with you, the sound low and a little shy now that the heat of the moment has passed. “yeah, pretty sure,” he murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck. “unless i’ve been sleepwalking through sex.”

you giggle, “well, you didn’t exactly perform like a rookie.”

“natural talent, i guess.” he grins, but there’s a flush creeping up his neck that makes you laugh even more.

you both lie there for a moment in comfortable silence, the room filled with the sound of your soft breathing. there’s no awkwardness. just a weird sense of ease, like this was exactly how things were supposed to go.

“so… you got a boyfriend?” he breaks the silence, glancing over at you with a playful glint in his eyes.

you smile to yourself, and speak up. “why? you wanna ask me out on a date?”

“maybe. do you have a boyfriend?” he asks, with a teasing smirk playing on his lips.

“no.” you reply, meeting his gaze.

for a moment, you both hold the stare, and then it breaks as you burst into laughter, the room filling with the sound of it, light and carefree.

“so i did great, right?” he asks

“mmh, not bad,” you hum, pretending to be unimpressed, though the smirk on your face gives you away. “maybe a solid 8 out of 10.”

his jaw drops dramatically. “only an 8?”

“you lost points for saying ‘here i go’.” you tease, biting your lip to hold back your laughter.

“oh, come on!” he groans, covering his face with both hands. “i’ll never live that down, will i?”

“nope,” you say smugly, shifting closer to him on the bed.

he drops his hands, a grin spreading across his face.

“okay, but seriously sweets… you’re amazing.”

“you're too, jimin”

[bloop-bl00p]

Are the suffering and consequences in the room with us?

For a place that is supposed to be Hell, there’s little to no effort into showing that these people are punished. Not necessarily by the Hellborns, I very much like the approach of “Hell is other people” but the writers failed at showing us this aspect. Vivziepop's version of Hell feels more like L.A. painted in red. And that’s disappointing.

It’s still a messed up place but outside of episode 4, there’s no real investment in making sure we understand that this is HELL. We see people do drugs yet we see nobody in a zombie-like state on the street. The closest we had was a randoe in Happy Day in Hell but it was a joke.

This is something very blatant with HH, most of the time, when something serious is presented it’s a joke (Sexual assault, drugs, etc...) It’ll depend on whether you're Viv's favorite character or not.

*cough*

Sir Pentious was not.

*cough*

You also see this in how they approached the crimes committed by characters, most of them did messed up things but Charlie never tries to address these despite being the one supposed to care about redemption.

Vaggie participated in genocide, she was angry but for one episode only, and her rant to Alastor was too light-hearted to be taken seriously (again a joke). Rewatch the scene, with an Alastor that doesn't give a damn, the funny music in the background, her goofy facial expression and tone, that’s not taking it seriously narratively.

Alastor was a serial killer and took pleasure in torturing his victims. Currently, he’s a cannibal and slave owner, Charlie does nothing about it. I’m not asking her to free Husk and Nifty we don’t know if she really can, but she could have had a conversation asking Al to not torture people during his stay at the hotel or treat his employees like humans and not pets.

Angel Dust was part of the mafia. From what we’ve seen he isn't against killing people, in fact, he seems to like it.

Every time we see him fight he’s smiling and enjoying himself, it’s said in the pilot that he’ll never miss an opportunity to help Cherry fight in those turf wars of hers. But his problem is druUuUUugs (this is an issue but that’s the only thing pointed out.)

That’s even more noticeable with the cannibals… who are nice? Whoa… you’re saying that the people whose whole culture is to jump you at your most vulnerable, tear through your flesh with teeth and hands just to feast on you in the middle of the street are actually silly guys and gals who like meat a bit too much. How charming ☺️

She was more annoyed that guts and blood went into her eye than anything.

There isn’t enough effort to showcase the horrors of living in a place where your only chance to survive is to be physically stronger and a good manipulator. When we’re shown something awful like “murders or cannibalizing someone” it’s presented as quirky, and funny, and nobody really mentions it. Aren't we supposed to believe that Hell is a bad place as a whole? Is Extermination really the only thing we have to worry about?

What’s the point of adding concepts like forced labor, addiction, and an unfair hierarchical system if you’re not going to show the viewer the horrendous reality of these things?

Vivziepop needs to pick a consistent tone for her series, there’s nothing wrong with joking about murders and EdgyyYyy humor, but that makes the audience detach from the reality of these things and they will have a hard time caring for a character the second they are portrayed as bad. Especially when the transition between funny and serious is from one episode to another.

“Angel and Husk are suffering!!!!!”

The characters that are supposed to be addicts are sober every time we see them on screen. We see Husk drink alcohol directly from the bottle and rather than showing that the toxins are affecting his body by making him sluggish and/or on the verge of vomiting he’s still able to stand still and hold a conversation perfectly. Even if Husk drank like a sailor, there’s so much alcohol your liver can take before eventually letting it affect your system.

But maybe we could use his addiction in a way to reinforce the fact that he isn't free.

Think of it like this, show a few scenes where Husk is excessively drinking experiencing bad hangovers, and not doing his job correctly as a whole. Vaggie complains about this to Alastor saying that til now he has done nothing significant to help the hotel and the employees he brought aren’t even behaving properly. She threatens him saying that he might get kicked out if this continues.

To that, Alastor could later threaten Husk saying he better fix his drinking habits or he’ll broadcast his scream or whatever. Later Husk would still be drinking but you could have little details of Alastor side-eyeing him and him just letting go of his bottles. He’ll still be sluggish but he’ll make sure he’s sober enough to keep The Radio Demon happy.

We never really felt like Husk’s movements were controlled by Alastor, he was just brought into the hotel without his concent, that sucks, but he can still converse normally with the others. In the Pilot, he insulted Deer Boe in his face with no repercussions. A few more scenes like the one in episode 5 to reinforce the power dynamics between him and Al wouldn't kill.

And Angel Dust how many scenes do we see him do drugs yet his body is able to take it all?

He’s supposed to be an addict, there are few mentions of him hiding things in his room but it's all talking! Talking is not bad, you can talk, but it’s boring and holds NO substances when there isn't SHOWING. Imagine this:

Charlie is worried because it’s been an hour and Angel hasn't come back to the Hotel, she knows his schedule as a sex worker is extremely busy but she usually knows when he comes back and he didn't respond to any of her messages.

Before she could go out to search for him, Cherry burst out into the room, a beaten and knocked out Angel on her shoulder. She was barely standing herself as she was also injured, with many cuts freshly bleeding mainly on her arms and face.

Charlie and the other help her get Angel to his room to tend to his wounds and Cherry’s. When she asks for an explanation Bomb explains that Angel couldn't buy his usual stash of drugs at the local store he went to anymore, as it got plundered right after the end of the extermination, the owner was killed and the shop was vulnerable to thieves.

Angel was looking for a very rare type of drug, made in the Gluttony ring, usually, the things made there take you quickly to cloud nine practically knocking you out in the process. The store he bought it from was the only one with prices affordable enough for him.

He eventually found a gang that was willing to give him a very small portion of drugs in exchange for money. Except that he didn't have nearly enough for what they were asking but he still went with it just after his work in one of Val’s clubs, already a shitty idea since he was exposed to many illicit substances when working with the moth so he wasn’t clean.

Obliviously the gang didn't accept a slip payment and tried to rob and take advantage of him. Cherry stepped up, fought a bit, and escaped with Angel, thanks to her smoke bombs, before things could get too serious. She goes on a small rant about how she and Angel are friends and they mutually help each other, when her wounds are patched up she leaves not before asking Angel to call her when he wakes up. Before she could go Charlie proposed to her to stay at the hotel but Cherry refused stating that there were people in the street who probably needed her help, but she might send people to Charlie’s hotel if she felt like they couldn’t survive in the street.

There’s probably a lot I could fix with this story but that’s just a quick example. What did I manage to convey without blatantly saying it? Angel Dust isn’t in a great financial situation, his addiction is so bad that he’s willing to put himself in danger just to get his hand on the strongest dope and Hell is a fucked up place. I didn't say it I showed it and since you’re smart you understood the subtext.

Some will say that there’s Extermination, but first, we just learned that they can fight back and they have a year to prepare themselves so the stakes are lesser.

Second, it’s surprisingly easy to get angelic weapons.

Someone like Striker managed to get multiple angelic weapons to kill Stolas and a rope that neutralized his powers.

An imp, the cockroach of the society, either his killing business is extremely successful or Carmilla’s prices aren’t that high. And don’t go tell me “Stealaa bought it!!” that’s never implied or stated.

Plus the angel leaves these in the open, I’d say it’s quite easy to get one of those right after an Extermination, nobody was surprised Vaggie has a spear so it feels like it’s common for someone to have them.

[rootspiral]

I know it *technically* hasn't been stated anywhere that Rio can't physically kill people, but it's one of my favorite headcanons so I'm going to stick to it like a fart in a phone booth until proven wrong. And to work on it further, I think that Rio and Agatha started out as business partners / the ol' you get your power I get my bodies situation. Idk if Rio needs a certain number of bodies to keep the universe in balance or (funniest option) sometimes she just wants to kill somebody very very badly but all she can do is torture them, and there's one particularly stubborn motherfucker that just. won't. give up. on life.

... oh my god that motherfucker was totally Agatha wasn't it. I just had a moment of total clarity. okay okay okay I'm gonna come up with a story gimme a second

A young Agatha starts merrily dropping bodies. Fateful eye contact is made over corpses.

Agatha already knew about Death's existence as a physical being, she probably read it in a forbidden ancient text or something. So she's equal parts scared and nerding tf out, plus she's already trying to figure out how to turn things to her own advantage.

Meanwhile Rio is getting annoyed at having to clean up after a baby serial killer. Maybe there are very complicated Sacred Balance Reasons why Agatha shouldn't kill so much. Or maybe Rio just wants to have ONE FRIDAY EVENING OFF, she already has to deal with all the world's famine and war and plague! And Agatha's antics keep eating up even the two minutes of peace and quiet she'd set aside for herself.

Rio wants to scare Agatha tf off and goes full on psychological / physical torture. I picture a Dickensian ghost carrying the 17th century equivalent of a bloody chainsaw.

Agatha (fucking terrified but never admitting it): "WHOA THERE SCARY SKULL FACED LADY! I HAVE A ✨✨BUSINESS PROPOSITION✨✨. Because of course that nerd has already figured out that Death can't actually kill her.

So whenever Death needs some abomination obliterated from the face of the earth she gives Agatha a phone call. Shenanigans and at least 50 year of delicious slow burn ensue.

I especially want a moment of full on "oh no she's hot" gay panic when Agatha sees Rio's human face for the first time. Like, she was already down bad for those big black eyes before seeing the juicy kissable mouth. (I also have a strong headcanon about Rio being human before becoming Death but I've already talked enough nonsense for today).

[kurishiri]

Premium END ┊ Wrapped in a Wicked Romance —Darius Vogel—

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to narrative flow or characterization purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— cw: depiction of drowning and near-death experience. p.s., i left a new years message in the end!

——Care to see what said ‘most unfortunate’ future is as well?

—— Alleyway ——

(…was what Darius said. It’s almost like…)

(Whatever is approaching upon that gentleman would be his most unfortunate future.)

Looking on at the gentleman’s back down the alleyway, I felt my skin stand on edge.

The gentleman, who appeared to be of high social status with his refined attire and fine mustache,

walked toward the poor district, playing into the premonition of his fate.

(Why here, of all places? It hardly fits him...)

While I held my own doubts, we chased after him, not flinching once from the darkness, and——

—— Sewer ——

(...Whoa.)

Upon stepping inside, we were greeted with the roaring sound of flowing water.

And from the waterway flowing on one side, I could pick up a pungent odor.

Darius: This smell is awful. My nose may as well wrinkle up from it.

D: I have a really good sense of smell, so just being here’s enough to make me dizzy.

(Come to think of it, while looking for the mille feuille, it looked like he was sniffing it out...)

(So he found that patissiere through his sense of smell?)

While thinking so, all of a sudden, I heard the gentleman’s voice from up ahead.

Gentleman: Whoa——

A group of rats gathered at his feet surprised the gentleman so much, his foot slipped...

(Ah——!)

His form fell in, as though he were being sucked into the flowing waterway.

When we ran up to him, the man was writhing, bobbing up and down within the dirty waters.

Gentleman: P-please...help me...gh...

The gentleman, seeming desperate, reached a hand out to us.

Kate: Darius, we have to save him, or he’ll end up drowning... wait, what are you doing?

Darius: Just curious about a little something.

Darius didn’t approach the man, instead reaching for the bag the gentleman was holding and started to rummage through it.

Kate: Why in the world are you interested in a bag when another person is here needing to be saved!?

Darius: That man was fated to die by drowning in this dirtied water from the start. So I’ll need to see this out to the end, whether he’s a human worth living if we’re going to save him, you know.

D: ——See, look here, I found something pretty interesting.

Kate: Wh...

He took out one sharp knife after another from the bag.

And they weren’t the type used in the hospital, nor were they steak knives, nor those used by chefs.

Darius: This one’s got blood too. He probably used it recently to stab someone, I’d say.

Kate: W-what in the world...

Darius: This man is a killer.

What came out of Darius’ mouth was shocking, but he said it in such an indifferent tone.

Darius: And from the way these were used, I can tell this man’s been killing for the fun of it for a long while now.

D: And behind those fancy clothes he’s familiar with the part of town where the poor reside in, so I’d say he aimed for those who lived around here.

D: After all, if they were to disappear just like that from existence, no one would think anything of it. Insignificant, weak humans through and through.

D: Let’s see, some place like an orphanage, for example. It’s possible there were countless children who’ve been targeted by him.

D: And on top of that, he seems to be of high status in society — what a waste for society though — so it would probably just be covered up as an accident.

D: And so here we are——we have a choice to make.

Kate: A choice?

Darius narrowed his eyes, and as though imposing judgment, he pointed at the drowning man.

Darius: Of course I mean the choice about whether we lend a helping hand to this serial killer here.

D: What his fate will be... oh, oh, I know. I’ll let you decide his fate.

D: I’m reaaally curious what sort of choice you’ll make.

With a beaming smile, he stepped on the gentleman’s head.

Gentleman: Guagh— p-please...sa...ve...

Darius: As one of Crown, would you condemn an evil that can’t be judged? Hehe... well, Kate? What’re you going to do?

Kate: Darius, please, stop this.

Even now, it seemed as though the gentleman’s hand would slip from the edge of the waterway, and I quickly grabbed his hand.

Darius: Hmm, so you’re going to save him. Are you sure? There might be even more victims then.

Kate: Of course I don’t want that——

(So that’s why...)

Kate: If you want to be saved, then promise you won’t kill anyone else, and turn yourself in to the police.

When I turned to the gentleman and said this, he clung onto my hand, nodding over and over.

Darius: I’m here thinking he’s just nodding so he can get help. You must be an extreme goody-two-shoes if you honestly believe it.

While listening to Darius, who was speaking from above, I put more strength in to pull the gentleman’s hand.

Kate: I don’t know if those are his true feelings or not. But— I do want to believe it is.

(I have no consideration for a serial killer. But...)

Kate: Besides that, atoning with life is far more suffering than doing so with death... so, I won’t let him take the easy way out!

K: As Crown, that is how he should be condemned.

Darius: .........hmm.

D: So when all’s said and done, you believe him, huh. Humans really are foolish ones, aren’t they. Well, not that that’s any news to me.

Darius shrugged and——

Kate: Hold tight on my han... ah——

Darius: Pulling him up by yourself wouldn’t be very feasible, no?

Holding the gentleman’s arm, he pulled him out of the waterway.

Kate: hah, hah... Thank you for helping out, Darius.

Darius: Well, if you were to fall in the water and drown too, I’ll be lucky if Victor leaves it at a lecture.

D: And you seem quite important to Lord Rex too, and I’d rather not be hated by my king over something so trivial.

Kate: But even so, the fact remains that you did help me, so I want to properly give you my thanks.

Darius: Hehe, you’re so earnest it amazes me.

As for the gentleman who was drowning——while shivering, he said...

Gentleman: ...I’ll go turn myself in now.

Perhaps scared out of his wits from coming face to face with death, he admitted to his own sins and left.

Darius: A shame I couldn’t see a more grand condemnation.

As proof he wouldn’t kill more people, the gentleman had left the bag behind, which Darius kicked.

The bag and the knives inside then sank to the depths of the waterway in a matter of moments.

Darius: Let’s head back now. My clothes are all muddy and it feels awful.

(Oh, I didn’t realize, but his white clothes are...!)

Kate: I-I’m so sorry... because of me...

Darius: Indeed, ‘because of you’ is right. It’s because you chose to let that man live that I now look so terrible.

D: So take responsibility for it.

Kate: S-so you say, but how...

Darius: Oh, so I can decide that? Then I’ll give you a fitting punishment.

In the front was the captivating smile of an angel, and in the back, the roars that reverberated from the waterway.

Darius: Stay as my lover until the day ends.

With nowhere to run, I couldn’t help but shrink back where I stood——and still smiling, the angel wrapped me around with his graceful arms, which resembled the wings of a bird.

Fin.

← prev epilogue -> bitter

NOTES: happy new year, friends! 🥂✨ first off, i just want to say a big big biiig thank you to those who have left comments, asks, and messages to me! i’ll reply to them soon, but i just want to say thank you for now /gen it’s really comforting to know and get a sense of reassurance that — yes, people do read what i do, that i can have a positive impact on others’ days, and that people enjoy what i translate. i’m sorry if i did worry anyone, and i also value any discussion on the matter too. but i hope we all have a lovely 2025, and that whatever resolutions you and i have, i hope we can fulfill 🤍🤍

masterlist 🪽 ┊ ko-fi ☕️ ┊ comms 🤍

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed 14: Almost There

13 Hours Into Labor

Charlie: (breathing heavily) Oh, sshhhhhhhhit!!! Contractions are getting worse! Where's that midwife????

Vaggie: She's on her way, babe. (under her breath) Or at least she better be. Your dad was supposed to call her hours ago.

Charlie: (groans into a cry of pain as another contraction hits and she crushes Vaggie's hand) Gah! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

Vaggie: Hang on, babe. Just hang on. I'm going to be right back.

Charlie: (nods as sweat beads up on her head) Please, hurry back.

Vaggie: I'll be back before you know it. (kisses Charlie's hand and rushes to the door before nearly ripping it off its hinges) Lucifer! Where the fuck is that midwife?!

Lucifer: (eyes nearly pop out of his head) I FORGOT TO CALL SLOTH!!!

Vaggie: ¡Estúpido hijo de puta! You had one fucking job!

Lucifer: (fumbles his phone) I got it! I can fix this!

Lilith: (storms up to Vaggie, trying to get into the room)

Vaggie: (blocks the door) Uh, excuse you? Who the fuck do you think you are?

Lilith: I am that girl's mother. Who are you?

Vaggie: I'm her fucking WIFE, bitch! You're not going in there after being gone for several fucking years! You can wait out here!

Lilith: (shocked Pikachu face)

Lucifer: I made a call! She'll be here in a few minutes!

Vaggie: Good! Alastor, do something productive and get a container of cold water to help cool Charlie down!

-Hotel Door Practically Explodes Open-

Vaggie: What the fuck?! (looks over the railing) CARMINE?!?!

Carmilla: (struts in and up the stairs) Stop shouting, girl. Why are you surprised? Your father-in-law called me.

Vaggie: (glares at Lucifer)

Lucifer: (checks his call history) Oh.... I did.... shit..... I thought that was Sloth.... I'm TIRED, okay?!?!

Rosie: (tip-taps in) Hello, everyone!

Vaggie: ROSIE!!!!! Lucifer! Did you call her, too?!?!

Alastor: (holding a bucket of water) No, that was me. (tries to go into the room)

Lucifer: WHOA!!!! (blocks the door) What the FUCK do you think you're doing?

Alastor: I'm bringing Charlie her cold water. I think if anyone should be going into a blood bath, the prior serial killer overlord and father figure should be the one to do it.

Lucifer: YOU aren't going ANYWHERE near MY baby girl when she's at her most vulnerable!!!

Alastor: Hmmm.... (shadow phases along the floor and into the room)

Lucifer: SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Alastor: Charlie, dear! I've brought you some co- (sees Charlie laying on top of a mound of linens and towels with her legs hiked up, knees bent, and her lower half on full, bloody display)

Charlie: (panting, looks to the door, and her demonic features spring to attention) ALASTOR?!?!?! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

Alastor: (faints and falls backwards out the door)

Lucifer: HA!!! TAKE THAT, ASSHOLE!!!

Rosie: Oh, my stars! Alastor! (drags Alastor out of the room and sets him up to recover on the floor, fanning his face with a kerchief) Alastor, Alastor, wake up. Deep breaths, dear.

Angel: Ha! Smiles is so pussy averted that even when he spots one in labor he can't stomach it.

Carmilla: ....... (steps over Alastor's body and walks calmly to the bedroom) How far apart are the Princess's contractions?

Vaggie: They're coming about every five or six minutes and last about fifty seconds each. (follows Carmilla into the room) Do we need to worry about pushing yet?

Charlie: (gets wracked with another contraction and growls demonically into an ear splitting shriek) VAAGGGGIIIIIEEEE!!!!!

Carmilla: I believe that should answer your question.

[sapphicdib]

Your cycle consumes itself. What have you become?

(ˡᵒʳᵉ ᵈᵘᵐᵖ ᵇᵉˡᵒʷ ᶜᵘᵗ)

SO THIS IS MY INV VS SAINT AU!! It started as a shitpost and uh. Spiralled. Out of control. And now it’s genuine lol.

Enot and Saint are basically mortal enemies, and Saint needs to get Enot OUT OF THE CYCLES in order to continue his work, because this damn horny bastard won’t stop hunting him down…for some reason. Isn’t ascension the greatest gift you can bestow upon the creatures suffering in this barren wasteland? At least Saint thinks that. Inv, on the other hand, does not.

Enot stumbles upon Pebbles while passing through the silent construct, trying to find food one day. He takes a liking to this half-dead pink toaster, bringing him scraps of fabric as blankets and lanterns, and the best part…talking to him. Inv, somehow, can talk to iterators. And despite Pebbles’ very limited ability to reply, he does appreciate the company, and slowly the cycles become less agonizing. Pebbles has a friend. However, when Saint finds him, his immediate reaction is to attempt to ascend him—and he is tackled by a very angry slugcat, hissing and spitting at him in defence of its friend.

When Saint attempts to ascend him, he misses, just barely clipping Enot’s tail and glitching him half-out of reality. He then realizes, to his horror, that his karma seems to be draining. Whatever the hell this thing is, it’s dangerous, and Saint retreats to restore his karma (and heal some of the nasty wounds Enot gave him).

Inv turns back to see Pebbles, staring at him in pure fear, before he simply whispers out a “Thank…you…”. And that’s when Inv makes it his mission to save Pebbles (and everyone else) from Saint.

This leads to Inv running around the map, hot on Saint’s heels, trying to get any and all the iterators to figure out a way to get off their damn strings and LIVE again! Most of them are collapsed or semi-collapsed, so it’ll be an uphill battle, but when a glitchy, teleporting slugcat with the ability to speak tells you to do something…you’d be kinda inclined to do it.

Anyways the reason Enot can’t be ascended is because he is happy to give in to every single one of the great taboos. Wrath, Lust, Friendship, Gluttony, and Self Preservation. He revels in them. And if he can help the others experience them, and become happy with living again, they’ll be immune too! Also he is ridiculously OP to the point of him basically just having DevTools active because I think it’s Funny. He can glitch-teleport and drains the karma of beings around him. He also talks super casually and I think it’s funny.

A little bit of their dynamic hehe:

“Hey, pal!”

“I would like you to stop calling me that, please. You may call me the Saint.”

“Ahah. Not happening.”

“You are incredibly disrespectful.”

“Hey man, I’m not the one calling myself a saint but then running around killing shit and acting like it’s a good thing.”

“You use such vulgar words. I ascend beings, freeing them from the torment of these endless cycles. It is my purpose.”

“Even the ones who don’t want to go? Bro, you don’t even ask. The last robot you almost merked was screaming “no wait” at you, and you still think you’re in the right here? You’re not some kind of righteous saint, that’s called being a fuckin’ serial killer.”

“You do not understand what you are talking about!”

“Whoa, buddy! Are you gettin’ mad? Ain’t that…a lil taboo? PFFT look at your face!”

“I am not tolerating this any longer. Goodbye.”

That’s all I can think of rn! Send asks if you like!

[theodorecanaryhood]

Wrong number

Jason Todd (left) x Male reader (right)

Reader gets a wrong number calling and the two get into a discussion

Boxes filled the floor space as you moved them to place, looking around you saw in your mind where you wanted everything.

Finally able to afford a new place of your own, moving from your parents. A bit reluctant about moving to Gotham City of all places sure, but rent is much cheaper here.

With a couple of weeks to spare until you began your new job, you had more time to make your home and home.

Your phone ringing distracted you, the vibration of your cell in your back pocket made you jump a little.

‘Hello?’ You answered, a man’s voice presented itself.

‘Hey Kevin, how are you?’ The man’s voice said.

‘This isn’t Kevin, sorry I think you have the wrong number’ you replied as the man sighed down the other side.

‘Fuck, my Grindr match must’ve given me a wrong number’ he said sadly.

You felt bad for the stranger on the other side, he just wanted to get to know a new guy and got rejected.

‘Guess he did, sorry’ you said as the man sighed again.

The man took a breath on the other end as he began to speak again.

‘So, what’s your name?’ He asked, you rested the phone between your shoulder and ear as you moved a box from the floor in the hallway, moving it to what would be the bedroom.

‘Y/n’ you replied, walking to the bedroom.

‘Well I’m Jason’ he introduced as you smiled a little.

‘Awesome, nice to meet you’ you smiled again.

You could hear Jason smilie on the other end, as he seemed to what you took as lay down.

‘You from here?’ He asked, you shook your head.

‘No, from Coast City, moved here for work and independence’ you revealed.

‘Well Gotham is an interesting choice’ Jason smirked.

‘I’m sure’ you chuckled as you placed the box on the bare mattress.

‘So, you single?’ Jason asked, you laughed.

‘Yeah’ you said as Jason chuckled.

‘You into guys?’ Jason asked, you raised an eyebrow.

‘Guess’ you said as Jason sighed again.

‘If I guess, can I take you out?’ Jason asked, you beamed.

You sat on the bare mattress, enjoying the phone call from a stranger. From his voice you guessed he was a big guy.

‘Go ahead’

‘You’re a bottom, you like men to dominate you’ Jason said.

‘Correct’ you laughed as Jason cheered on the other end of the phone.

‘This is creepy for a first phone call and we don’t even know what we look like’ Jason realised as you nodded.

‘I agree, but I guess we’ll have to meet up’ you suggested.

‘Great, how about tonight at six? There’s a bar not too far away from Iceberg. It’s called Red Sea’ Jason said.

‘Red Sea? Shall I dress up Captain Jack Sparrow or something?’ You chuckled, making Jason laugh on the other end of the phone.

‘Sure if you want’ Jason joked as you walked to a box of clothes.

‘Cool, see you at six, Jason’ you said, Jason’s voice was like music.

‘See you then, y/n’

The call ended, you couldn’t believe the luck you had of a random number calling you and asking you out within 30 minutes of talking.

You had no friends out here so it only made sense that you would not have objections to meeting up with someone.

Course, not a great meet and greet if you have no idea who he is, what he looks like or even if he is a serial killer or something.

‘I’m wearing a black tank top’ the text from Jason’s number said, you walked to the Red Sea doors.

Taking a breath as you walked in, finding Jason with a black tank top and black jeans. Black hair, tattoos, big arms on show.

‘Jason?’ You asked, the black haired man shot his eyes to you.

‘Whoa, hey, y/n?’ Jason took your form in as he stood up.

The two of you shook hands, Jason towered over you, his eyes drew you in.

The two of you had a drink and sat together, Jason’s skin was warm and soft. He reached for your hand across from the table.

The two of you heals onto each other, Jason reached across from the other side as he brushed your hair back.

Your heart raced, blood rushed down to your pants. You felt yourself rising in between the legs as you faced the most attractive man you’d ever seen.

‘Wanna dance?’ Jason asked, you nodded as Jason switched on the duke box.

The two of you held onto each other as you swayed to the music.

Jason leant down as he stroked your face, kissing you gently. You ran a hand up his arms as you deepened the kiss.

Holding onto his shoulders, Jason held your face as he snuck his tongue inside your mouth.

Kisses as sweet as heaven, Jason brushed himself against you as you felt his length rising too.

‘My place isn’t too far from here, want to head back there?’ Jason asked you, you nodded.

Jason took his time with you, greeting you with long slow kisses, little smiles and words of comfort.

Holding onto Jason, his back being greeted by scratches as his neck was greeted by your lips.

Jason was the best sex you’d ever had, you were certain that you were for him too. The two of you made so much noise, making so much mess from sweat, bites, clothes everywhere.

The two of you lay together as you slept sweetly in Jason’s arms, him being so determined to see you again.

You didn’t realise you could fall in love so quickly, neither did Jason.

All it took was a Grindr match to give a wrong number, and for you answer your phone.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

How I’d introduce the Batfamily into the DCU

(This isn’t based on anything, this is my own imagination. I’m not up to date on all the DCU news)

1) The Brave and the Bold (2026)

* Direct follow-up to Superman (2025)

* Clark Kent and Lois Lane learn that kryptonite is being smuggled on the black market. In order to find the source, they follow a lead that takes them to Gotham City.

* Batman has already been established BUT he’s been retired for 3 years.

* The movie is a buddy cop centered on Clark pulling Bruce Wayne out of retirement since he needs help in finding the kryptonite smuggler. The thing is, Bruce is incredibly depressed and has lost his interest in crime-fighting when Clark first meets him. The reason why he is depressed is his character arc in the movie.

* Dynamic: Young, still kind of a rookie Superman working with a veteran, jaded Batman (but not DCEU levels of jaded, he’s more just cranky and sad like Worst Wolverine in Deadpool and Wolverine)

* The reason why Bruce quit being Batman is that his sidekick Robin - Jason Todd - was killed by Joker. Bruce also mentions that his first Robin, Dick Grayson, walked out on him and is now operating as Nightwing in Blüdhaven. There’s also Barbara Gordon aka Batgirl, who checks in on Bruce from time to time. She’s semi-retired from being Batgirl, mainly because she’s also dealing with Jason’s death.

* The kryptonite smuggler and the main villain of the movie turns out to be John Corben / Metallo. He gets beat by Supes and Bats and is sent to prison.

* By the end of the movie, thanks to Superman, Bruce has regained his spark and resumes being Batman full-time. He and Clark become close friends and Bruce gives Clark one of his Bat-Pagers/Bat-Phones if he ever needs his help in the future.

* Post-credit scene: Some kind of Justice League tease

2) Nightwing (2026)

* Nightwing solo movie. We follow Dick during one of his adventures in Bludhaven.

* Barbara Gordon is the deuteragonist.

* Tim Drake is the tritagonist. Tim isn’t Robin yet at this point in the timeline.

* Post-credits: Nightwing decides to return to Gotham in order to hunt down a vigilante known as “Red Hood”.

3) Batman: Under the Red Hood (2027)

* Takes place a few months after “The Brave and the Bold” and “Nightwing”.

* Batman has fully resumed active duty. He is joined by Tim, Batgirl and Nightwing. Nightwing says he’s only in Gotham for the Red Hood and that he’s uninterested in going back to being Robin. That being said, he tells Bruce that he should consider enlisting Tim Drake.

* Red Hood is hunting down the remnants of the Joker gang. He attacks one of their hideouts, knowing full well that the Joker gang members were meeting with Roman Sionis’ gang. Red Hood, viewing everyone inside as a legitimate target, just opens fire. Roman, aka Black Mask, becomes the primary villain of the movie since he wants revenge for what Red Hood did to his minions.

* Plot twist: Red Hood is revealed to be Jason Todd (whoa, bruh, betcha didn’t see that coming!)

* Black Mask puts a hit out on Red Hood as payback for his murdered minions. The Bat gang has to take down both Black Mask since he’s a crime lord who is out for blood and Red Hood since he’s a loose cannon serial killer.

* Black Mask is taken down by the Bat Gang. However, just as Bruce is telling Roman that he should be grateful that he caught him instead of Red Hood, Roman is shot by Jason Todd. Because of this, Jason becomes the primary villain for the last act of the movie.

* Finale is Batman vs. Red Hood. Bruce refuses to fight Jason and only reacts in self-defense. The fight eventually ends in a heart-to-heart in which Jason goes into a rant about how he’s still dealing with the trauma of the Joker incident. Bruce, despite feeling sorry for Jason, says he has to turn him in since he’s killed so many people. Jason says, “Sorry Bruce, prison’s not for me”, then throws a smoke grenade and makes his escape.

* Movie ends with Nightwing returning to Bludhaven (but on better terms with Bruce), Tim Drake becoming the new Robin, Barbara Gordon saying she’ll commit more time in being Batgirl, and Red Hood going after criminals in a different city.

* Post-credits: An imprisoned Joker learns his new therapist is Dr. Harleen Quinzel.

[glitchy1938]

Part 2-Pilot

Whence they arrive, they start looking for the last piece for the RailGun, while looking at the trash Uzi found it, suddenly, The murder drones Jump's in the air, when Uzi saw it she yelled : "Y/n ! Go hide now !!"

She then put the core inside of her railgun getting ready to shoot ,when she was about, the murder drone land's in front of her. Then she start to fall back causing to drop her railgun on the ground, she then did a back flip

"Whoa--, and they said pirating all the Anime was useless." She said, The murder drone was infront of her now, stabbing his tail into her hand, then dragging her into the air and then trows her at the Engine part. She looked at her hand in a horrible pain, and saw an acid was melting her, She looked at her railgun while the murder drone turn around about to shoot her, but you trow a rock at him

Y/n : "Leave my sister alone !…" That made him look at you, you froze to scared, but it was no trying to hurt you, he turn his head like if he KNOW YOU ?… But Uzi got her RailGun and was ready to shoot him in the face, she made the killer drone look

Uzi : "Bite me !!" She then pulled the trigger of her RailGun, and shoot the murder drone on his head, she then saw in her visor {Recharge 30:00} And then saw him fall on the ground… She was shock… It work… IT ACTUALY WORK !!!

Uzi : "Holy Hell… SUCK ON THAT, DAD !!" She said with a lot of pride, but then she saw y/n start to cry and your sister ran up to you and pick you up and start trying calm you down "Hey hey !.. Shhh~ it's okay.. I'm okay.." She said, trying to calm you down, but you were too sleppy that made Uzi giggle " You can sleep, i'm here.." You nood and then passed out.. She sighs with relief and fatigue.

But then, the murder drone was getting back up, that made Uzi more worried, trying to look for another weapon while you were still in her arm's, she then grab an arm and slap it for making any damage but then, she saw the screen saiyng : "System reboot", then, he opens his eyes and … ??? : "Did you just slap me with that arm ?" He said pointing it, she then step back. Shock that those things can talk.

Uzi : "Holy crap, it can talp." She said, still holding the little y/n in her arm's. He start to rub the back of her head, a little embarrass about what just happend… "Yeah, sorry-- It's just, my, uh, head kinda hurts.. Hey, are you new to our squad ? You're a little, uh…" She looked at her, with suspisious eyes…

"…Short for a disassembly drone…Even for-"He then saw the child "Wait- OH MY ROBOT-GOD !! Is that a child ?!" He yelled very happy, like he never saw a little kid before, but then stopped.

??? : " Sorry ^^', I'm Serial designation N ! Nice to meet you ! I'm kind the leader of the squad in this city… That's not true.. Everyone tells me i'm useless and terrible…W-wait, i-i'm not supposed to tell you that part !! Arg ! Biscuits…!Sighs"

He cover his mouth and talk again, "Well, honestly is the best policy. chuckles I also, can't seem to remember the past tree hours of my life." He used his hand to wave it of "Ah, but i'm sure that'll sort itself out !" He chuckle sat Uzi.

Uzi : "Uh-huh…We, uh, Have to… go." Uzi said, taking you with her and start to leave but she groaning a bit of pain because of the injury on her hand.

N : "Oof, stuck yourself ? Just pop it in your mouth !" He says pointing his mouth

"Our saliva neutralizes the nanites, otherwise, i'd be constantly dissasembling my self ! "

Uzi : "And by 'Our saliva', you mean…" She pauses

"Dissasembly drones ?" Both of them say it…

Uzi : "Right. hey, let's go in that landing pod over there" She says pointing the debrie of the landing pod.

N : "Sure ! I love doing anything !" He give to Uzi a smile

once inside, N pull away Uzi's Hand, "Sweet, Uh..Chuckels I'm open to new things, I guess.." He was a little weird out. "We are never talking about this" Uzi warned him. But Y/n was on his lap, still slepping

N : "Talking about what ?" He laugh, but looked down at y/n, and pat her head, then said "Consider it, uh, repressed.." He made his arms like an X

Uzi : "Uh, you mentioned other member of your squad ?" She asked N looking at the window while y/n was holding on him, he loved how you are so small and cute, but to him, you were very familiar to him…

Uzi : "Are they coming back soon ?" She asked, worried for your safety. I mean, N didn't kill you or anything, and even adore you, but she's afraid for the other… Mayde they are not all friendly as N.

N : "Oh, yeah-- Tree others. They're out hunting for a bit, but you'll love them, first there's V !"

~Flashback~

V tears a drone's entrails out, with a crazy smile. "No, no !! Don't eat my own entrails in front of my family !!" But she didn't care less, kill him and drink/eat his oil… After feeding she stand up

V : "And yet, I still feel nothing." she says, as her eye twitches like a crazy psycho… N chuckles nervously, then want back to talk to her…

N : Sooo,V, Uh.. chuckles nervously I heard that this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be espesially inhospitable tonight…

V picks at her teeth with her claw, "Huh ?-.." Then jumps seeing N.

V : "Oh, God !! Who are you ?!!" But before N could have intruduce himself, she flew away from him, flew in the air, leaving a hug puff of smuck behing he. "Uh, No worries ! I'm N ! B-but a-a whole letter is a lot to remember..!" He chuckels sadly…

~Now~

N : "So obviously a lot of natual respect there, but, uh… She's kind my rival for my crush, BUT YOU DON'T TELL HER OKAY ?!!" He yelled but not too loud for waking you up. Uzi zip her mouth and give a smile and N did it back. " Then, there is Z..- My best friend !!-"

~Flashback~

Z was tearing an other Worker who shoot her and N in the back, and when she finish she clean herself, she turn to N. "Sorry…!! I should have pay more attetion of that !! Are you akay ?!" She came to him cheking if he was okay, and luckily, he was fine.

N blush a little bit because she was VERY close to him "He he..^^' yea i-i'm okay !- Chuckels nervously

Suddely, V came behing them with angry look, she was clearly jealous of how N get all her intention for him, then she came closer to Z and hug her tight and pulle away a little of N. "Z !! Oh my God !! I found you !!" She at that moment change completely infront of her. "Oh- hi V, good to see you too ! How have you-" But then she saw the two of them looking at each other with bad look…

Z : "Guys… ? Hey hey ! Let's just head back home, okay ?…"

The two of them looked at her and they agree with her but still didn't stop just here…

~Now~

N : "So yeah, Z is, the sweet person in our squad ! You gonna love her, but, uh… I kind have a crush on her, BUT YOU DON'T TELL HER OKAY ?!!" he yelled again, but not too much, Uzi zip again her mouth for that she will not. He smile again. "Uh, then, there's J-- Our leader !" He said with a little bit made trying to keep smilling…

~Flashback~

J had N pinned to the ground "N, You're worthless and terrible, and if the company allow it, I woudl straight up kill you myself." J hisse as N try to breath, just at this moment, Z push her out for letting N breath, "J !! Are you crazy ?! Stop bulling him :( !!" J was really piss of by that, but just go away.

N Just thank her for the warning, and promes to be carefull next time…

~Now~

"J's awesome" N said a little sad but y/n woke up.. "No !" Uzi said, "We-Uh… I mean, the worker drones, we could work with them to fix this space ship ! Instead of all murder !" She point N, angry at him. "Which, uhh-- Why are we doing that again ?"

N : "Other than Ingesting their…" He went a deep spooky voice "Warm, sweet.." He went back to friendly mode "… To avoid overheating and dying ? I guess I just want to be useful. I was given a job, and I always wanna try my best"

Uzi : "And look at all the respect it's gotten you, N ! You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead ?!" Uzi yell, furious at him."

N : "Oh my ! You sure are rebelious, it's kind of exciting.. U-uh… But not as fun as, uh, following the rules"

Then, they heard something land on the ship…"Hey ! They're back ! You'll--" but before N could finish, Uzi was out already of the ship.

J : "Hey, idiot ! Get out of here !" Uzi was still running, but she forgot y/n. "Shoot, shoot ! Y/n !!" She run back for her but then, V saw her, and that made her more scared and try to get back home, hating herself for leaving you there….

V : "Yo, we got a worker out there, I kind of wanna practice balloon animal shape with. What happend here ?- Wait- Is that y/n ?!!" V said with full of joy and run of to N taking you from him and hugging you tight. "No way !! We misse you so much y/n !!" Z said happy to see you too. But then saw N not moving. "What's got into him ?"

J : "Synergistic liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline." She said annoying, then smacks N's head. "Hey yo, moron bot ! Hello ?!" She snaps her fingers on his face.

He start to reset himself and looked back what happend… "You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead ?!" It show on the video what he saw, when he realise… Well… "Oh- Ohhhhh !! you know, I-I-I left an extremely dangerous weapo- Uh, an excuse o-outside !" He run of, leaving J, V, Z and y/n there. V show a flag saying (Litteraly so insanely suspicious)

Uzi still running to the bunker and knew N was chassing her… While in the Bunker… The workers still playing cards. -"Haha ! I'm out boys !!" -"Oh, gosh darnt it ." -"Wait until my loving wife and kids hear about this." The game was stop by the door open and Uzi running in, the workers was complaining about this, Uzi aggresively try to close the door.

Uzi : " Ugh, Bite me ! Close it close it !!" Uzi tried to swipe the keycard, but then, N stick his claws between the doors before they close, but then he saw the workers was playing cards. "Hey fellas ! Oohs deal me in ! I love Rummy !" But then remember why he's here "Wait, no. Tsk, I'm going to murder everyone… Rain check !"He used his tail to stab the keycard to open the door, and it opend all of them…

Everyone started to run for there lifes

N used his fire missiles to explode one of them and then tacos the other one and rip them apart and drinking the oil from them… Uzi turned as her gun was ready to shoot, but when she was prepared, N disappeared. Uzi looked around to found him, but then, heard her father walking. "Pretty nice hydraulics ?-" But then saw the carnage, and looked at her daughter, horrified for what happend…

Khan : "What have you done ?!" He asked her "Dad ! I-I can explain-" But before she could, N landed in front of them making them almost fall into the groun, but Uzi stand up and points her gun at him, ready to shoot. "This time, i won't miss". He chuckeld evilly but stop and look at her "I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with tha thing."

Uzi : "Bite me !" she yelled at him. "Dad, get down !" She turned to her father. Khan : "Uzi, you led a Murder drone here ?!" He sounded fearfull. "My beautiful doors ! Where is your sister ?!" He cried. That made Uzi hurt, thinking that, you were hurt our killed.

"Now is not the time !! I messed up-- In the same way i'm about to fix it ! Move dad !" She orded her father, but N used his wings to stab her into the wall. He pull away her gun for not using it again, Uzi's gun fall infront of Khan. "D-dad ! P-point and Shoot ! Trust me !!"

His hands were shaking as he saw N get ready to kill her, he could do anything excepet, slowly back away from there. Uzi look at him… Horrified about what he was doing… "Dad ?…" he called out… But he then closed the door, leaving his own daughter die.

Uzi still look at where her dad left. Shocking and angry for what he did, leaving her to die, she tremble from the pain, but didn't resist at agains N, leaving him finish her off… N looked at her, feeling bad for Uzi, as he heard J coming, he trow Uzi into the box before they could find her.

J : "Whoat N ! Am I dreaming, or did you do somthing not useless for once !" as she, V and Z crawls on the ceiling and drop down. V and J had sinister smiles while Z try her best to hide all the blood/oil from Y/n. Y/n was looking for Uzi, luckly, you saw her still alive, and that made you happy "I'v been trying to get past those doors for months now ! Good job, N" After V said that N was suprice that she remember his name.

N : "You… Me… Name…Remember ?" But V didn't care less "These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door, "Z you want to come ?" She turn to Z who was still with y/n, But insted of agree with her she just said "No, thanks V but uh… I think I'll just stay with y/n in an other part where there is no death body hehe…" She didn't complain and says " Okay, Lowest body count eats a missile !" she then go trow the vent again, laughing like a psyco while Z take y/n somewhere else.

J come closer to N, enjoy he finally change. "Way to go, stud. The company's gonna love this !" She said, pating his back while he was chuckling. "With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter for sure, you know what that means ?~" She then show his a pen of they company "Branded pe-pens !" N Look at the pen with admiration, she then give it to him, and turn to go where V go. N was looking at the pen… But remember what Uzi said and what happend… He didn't want to stond up to J but…

N : "Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh… Maybe not-so-actually-different from us Worker Drones, but just outta curiousity, do we actually, uh…" He hisse a little… Afraid about what J would say… "Know what the company plans to do with us aftwards ?" When he said that, Uzi wake up and heard what happend and what he said.. While J was comfuse about that.

J : "Excuse me ?" she turn to N, really piss off that, N would think otherwise of the company… He then explain, "Okay, so, a Worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix our landing pod to, uh, escape the planet and stuff which-- Whoa, hey, that's against the rules !" he remind her for not be too mad at him "But it is kind of making me question why our pod were only-one way in the first place, 'cause y-you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like, we might be robots ?.." He look at her again, and knew he start to be stupid again..

N : "I'v made a terrible mistake, it's cool how immediately i could tell" J then came closer to him "Hmm, no way buddy, questioning the company ? You just finally gave me the excuse I needed." She then instale a device in N with a electro that paralize him up, he then fall to his knees" Worker drones are corrupted N, that's why the company sent us." J said turning to N "I hate to see you corrupted as well~" she said, but just acting like she cared for him. N just smile and said with a glicth voice "Thanks J, always looking out for me…" and then he fall on the ground, "You're aswesome…" She just scoffs and jump into the vent where the other worker drones are… When she left Uzi came out of the box as the same time as Z, when Z saw N she was REALLY pissed at J, Uzi looked at his little sister and ran up to her and hugged her, because she was about to cry.

Uzi : "Y/N !! I'M SO SORRY WHEN I LEFT YOU THERE !! I DIDN'T MEAN TO- I'M SORRY !!!" She try to comfort you and try to wine your eyes, "I'm okay now.." She look at Z and thank her to take good care of you, you look at N, your sister take back her Railgun and looking back at N with sorry eyes…"Arg, Biscuits… I'm Sorry.." He start " I ruind your card game, then made you have awkward moment with your dad.."

"And I made you rebel like and angsty teens which got you killed.." Uzi halfed apologize to N. "Well, I just need to remove the chipe and he'll be good" Z said holding a Wrench, Uzi looked at her, and she saw that she's like a worker drone but with arms of a murder drone, "What are you actually ?… No offence but… You look like a-"

Z : "Worker drone ? Yea, most of my body is but, it's just the arms, long story.." She said, Uzi push a box to clim the vent, "Though, you try to kill me, so morality calls this draw." She said to N, then clim on the the box and try to get into the vents, but because she's short, she can't… She groans and turn to N "For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history."

N : "Being rebbellious is a lot harder than it looks, thanks for showing me the ropes." he said, still on the ground "Nuh-hu, no bonding thing, you just killed a bunch of people, idiot." Uzi said. "That's super fair…" He sighs "I'v screwed up.." Uzi groans.

Uzi : "In the same way you're about to fix it ? " She asked as she held up the Wrench her father give it to her, she turn to Z, she then prepared her guns and sort, ready to fight J and V. He laugh a little "I love doing anything…" give a thumbs up while his screen says :

!! Litterally about to die !!

While with the worker drones, Thad was throw by J, Blood/oil came out of, now J was walking to them while V was climing the wall to scare them off. Khan : "So, they found our evacation spot.. But ! If we build a quick door-" thad grab a metal pipe near him and stond up. "Are you kidding me ?! You're the WDF, right ? Defende !.." Thad try to get help to fight the two murder drones, but they back away… "For real ?.." He said, but when he turnd V laught and use her wing to stab him and trow him on the ground, she grab him with her claws and was ready to eat him, but Uzi, N and Z catch up and were arrived just in time. "Hey !!" V turn her intention to them, suprice.

" Put that conventionally attractive male down !" uzi says smirking N wave to them but Uzi punsh him…"N, tell them the piece of our mind !" Z tell him and she REALLY looked pissed. "Oh, uhm, J ? You're sometimes kind of mean to me, and I wish weren't.. Juste some contructive critism…" " Nice~!" Uzi said. V then trow Thad away from her while J scoffed "Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I'v rightsize your existence." The three looked at each other.

"Okay, witch one do you two want ?" Uzi asked to N and Z, "Let me deal with J, she's REALLY getting on my nerves…!" Z said looking at J, "J please ?.." N said, trying to fight her instead of V. "Too bad. Good Luck ! Z you're with me !" Uzi then flings the braded JCJ pen at J's 'Other eyes' making her in pain and distracted while she take her RailGun with Z who was just following her closelly. Leaving N dealing with V.

V flew straight to N, yet the two of them get into the fight. Uzi get her RailGun ready to shot at J, but while J's trying to get the pen off her 'Other eyes' She get the guns and start to shot everywhere Uzi can be, she olmost got her but she got saved by Z. J finally get the pens off of her "Damn the well-made, quality-assured durability of JC Jensen products ! Hu-?" Z help Uzi to swiftly jump up into the air and kiking the pen deeper into J's other eyes. She get back close to Z with a flip and get her Railgun back but- "WATCH OUT !!" Z yelled and take Uzi away from the laser 'cause V was trying to kill N. Back to N, he was trow at the wall by V, he then try to shoot her, but with his emotion he couldn't, and then he saw Y/n looking at them fighting eatch other, and instead of shooting at rocket, he shoot little pink hearts ?… "AHH ! My mind's in a weird place ! Don't reade into this !!" N yelled only to have a missile launch next to him.

J used her 'Light Ben' to making Uzi some damage, Z knew what she was about to do and "UZI GET BEINGH ME OR-" but before she could catch her, J trow her a missile to her backing her away " Z !!" Uzi yelled, worried but used her 'Light Bem' and Uzi fall over, Y/n saw J get closer to finish her of, you could let hurt your sister ! Y/n ran of to J's back and clim on here to just distract her for a moment "What the hell ?! Get off me !!" She said but they didn't let go even she try to pull them away. While N was trying to fight V up here he saw Uzi, Y/n and Z in danger ! "Uzi ! Z ! Y/n !" He then turn to V "I'm sorry to do this..!" He then lick her sor "EWW WHAT THE HELL ?!" While she was distracted N grab her and trought her on the ground.

J finally get ride of you and trough you away, you passed out by the hit, Z was more furious on J, she then came more closer to Uzi.

To becontinu

[babygirl-diaz]

Buck: So that guy back at the apartment fire, why did you give him your number? Eddie: He was cute and asked for my number so I gave it to him. Why? Do you think it was a bad idea? Buck: I do, yes. Because he’s a complete stranger. He could be a serial killer for all you know. And besides, you’re the one who always says that starting a relationship with someone you save is never a good idea. Eddie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am not starting a RELATIONSHIP with him. I just gave him my phone number. Buck: Well, good, because like I said, he could be a serial killer Eddie: Because Taylor, Allie, and Natalia all turned out to be serial killers, didn’t they? Buck: Well, they all killed my heart, so yes, they are serial killers Eddie: I don’t think you know the definition of a serial killer Buck: Someone who loves and supports the fact that his best friend is also into men but he also loves said best friend a little too much so he starts killing every man his best friend even thinks about starting a relationship with? Eddie: That sounds very specific and it scares me a little but yes

[panlight]

Come to think of it.. why are the Cullens (exception being Carlisle and Esme i suppose) so unreasonably hostile towards the werewolves? like setting aside a few posts I've seen noting the racist undertones of the discrimination (the white/rich vampires looking down on the indigenous werewolves, as well as the exerpts I"ve seen in MS where Edward uses jacob unintentionally "breaking" the treaty by telling bella about everything as a "valid" reason to be free to murder the Quileute tribe if he wanted which is,,,,gross af), the Cullens don't really have much reason to hate them??

The werewolves on the other hand do have more valid reasons to distrust the Cullens/vampires in general imo. Like isnt it established canon that the werewolves exist because the vampires are in their land? Sam and Jacob in particular had their lives ruined becus of it, followed by the Clearwaters, Leah especially, and that doesnt include the other really young kids who were forced into phasing in BD when the witnesses and the Volturi all gathered (which,,,it's really weird how no one feels guilty about forcing all these kids into a change so early in their lives?? why not just move the meetup somewhere else using all that massive Cullen wealth to buy a different house far away from the area lol?) Not to mention even within the Cullens themselves, many of them have killed humans in their past (except Carlisle). Even if they're doing better by hunting animals now the fact they did have a body count beforehand + the Quileute's history with the Cold Ones is still reason enough for the tribe to be leery of any vampire.

Even if you were to say the Cullens are hostile because the tribe hates their existence, it's still a really weak justification imo. Because again, 1. their existence caused (forced!!) people to phase; 2. their kind is known for killing humans, who the tribe swore to protect 3. edward and rosalie supposedly hate what they are anyway so why are they mad that their self-hatred is given validation skskks

i dunno,,the whole thing just feels like a tacked-on vampires vs werewolves trope which is,,fine...if it were from any vampire but the Cullens.

I think it mostly comes from SM having a vague sense that vampires and werewolves are suppose to be enemies, but I 100% agree with you.

It makes total sense for the wolfpack to hate, resent, fear the Cullens. I've been saying it for years. There are a million reasons. Even if you accept the idea that they didn't know that their presence is what triggers the phasing of the wolves until Eclipse (and I generally do accept this; Edward seems genuinely surprised when Bella tells him this and says he'll have to tell Carlisle; and if there were already wolves in the area when they first came in the 1930s, they'd have no reason to think they were the cause of it), it's still coming back to an area they know they aren't wanted, and even from their own selfish POV, it's a huge risk to their own secrecy. The answer to 'why did the Cullens even come back?!' seems to be 'Because the story needed to happen.'

I mean if you had a family of serial killers move into the next town over, even if they promised they didn't do that anymore and were trying really hard to kill people . . . you wouldn't be happy, right? You'd be upset they were there. Edward and Jasper have killed lots of people, even if Edward specifically went after 'bad' men. And even if the Cullens don't know their presence is what makes the boys phase, the Quileutes themselves do, and are 10000% justified in being mad about it. And then there's the colonialism angle, which IMO SM didn't think about at all, but yeah, these (deathly) white folks coming onto ancestral Quileute land and making a treaty with them is not a great look. I think SM meant it as a 'wow aren't the Cullens nice for trying to live peacefully with them,' and missed the larger historical context and racism like whoa.

I generally like the Cullens as characters and find them interesting, but yes, 1000%, the shifters have every right to hate them. They are dangerous, they are frightening, they are encroaching on their land, they're forcing their children to become wolves. Some people (and kind of Bella??) seem to look at it as "prejudice" like "oh you shouldn't dislike them just because they're vampires," but that's . . . that's not what's going on here. Other than Carlisle they have all actually killed people. They are actually serial killers. The Quileutes aren't making assumptions here. It's accurate.

On the other hand, also agree with you it makes no sense for the Cullens to hate them in return! Their whole thing is "Not like other vampires" so just because vampires naturally hate werewolves (they aren't even technically werewolves!) doesn't mean the Cullens have to do it. They also just aren't the same kind of threat to the Cullens that the Cullens are to them, at least not initially when the Pack is small. And then there's the racism. If you're being generous, you can argue that SM was just going for the traditional "vampires call werewolves 'dogs'" thing, and there's probably a lot of truth in that. It's very common in vampire media, she did not invent it. The problem here is that she chose to make her main vampires white and rich and 'civilized' and they are hurling these insults at 'werewolves' she chose to make poor, Indigenous characters and it looks racist, even if her intention was just run of the will supernatural prejudice.

I remember an interview with the Cullen actors during the promotion of either New Moon or Eclipse, and someone asked if their characters hated the wolves and, paraphrasing here, Elizabeth Reaser, answering for Esme said with a sympathetic pout, "I don't hate the wolves, I just hate that they hate us," and Peter Facinelli, for Carlisle, said something to effect, "I feel really bad our presence made them change, I didn't know." I like to think that's accurate, that maybe they put more thought into it than SM did because an author doesn't have to deep dive into all her supporting characters, but an actor does have to think about it.

The Cullens didn't need to be antagonistic to the wolves. There's no reason for Alice and Edward and Rosalie to be nasty to them. "They're our natural enemies," I mean so what? You aren't a normal vampire. You're trying to rise above the hand you were dealt and be better than your vampire nature . . . but you're keeping the 'hates werewolves' part? Why? As long as you don't kill people or go on their side of the line they'll leave you alone. You should be grateful for that?? You chose to come here, you disrupted THEIR lives??

tl;dr: SM knew about werewolf/vampire feuds generally in other media, thought it was fun, didn't think through the implications when she made all her vampires white and all her 'werewolves' Indigenous.

[ckret2]

I've been really looking forward to posting this chapter. It's got it all: angst, comedy, meaty plot progression, banter, Bill and Ford screaming at each other, Stan getting an MVP moment, Soos being Soos, and a grappling hook. And this:

It's admittedly harder to take Bill's stuck-in-a-human-body grief seriously when he's wearing a pony toga and goofy bug wing face paint.

Anyway here's chapter 4, and here's the masterpost. 8/5/2024 edited for TBOB compatibility!

####

The car had been on the road for several tense minutes before Bill announced his return to consciousness by startling upright, attempting to shout through his gag, looking around wildly, and then kicking Stan's butt through the back of the front bench.

"Hey. Hey! Easy!" Stan turned around to swat at Bill. Bill responded by headbutting his hand.

Trying to ignore Bill and keep his eyes on the road, Ford said, "Soos?"

"You got it." Soos leaned to the right, gently pinning Bill against the door.

Bill grunted, squirmed mightily against his fate, kicked the front bench a couple more times for good measure, and then started rubbing his face against the car door handle.

"Give it a rest," Stan said. "There's no way you're jumping out of a moving car. You're completely tied up and you've got a seatbelt on."

"Safety first," Soos said.

"Plus, the handle on that door sticks."

Bill gave them both a murderous glare, shot another at Ford just because, and resumed rubbing his face on the door handle.

It took a couple minutes for him to use the handle to peel the duct tape off his mouth. He spat half a wet sock at the back of Stan's head. "Where are we—Hey! Hey! Look at me! Where are we going?!"

Gaze never wavering from the road, Ford said, "You don't need to know."

"All that matters is you're not coming back," Stan said. "You're gonna stay with some old friends of mine until we figure out how to deal with you. Real professionals. Not even you could find a way out of this."

"There's nobody to manipulate when nobody is listening to you," Ford said.

Soos, ever helpful, threw in, "Stan hasn't really told us much about these dudes? But I've been getting some 'prisoner pit in a serial killer's basement' vibes off of how he's talking about it."

The rage quickly drained from Bill's face, leaving behind a stricken look. "It's not that golf cart chop shop, is it?"

"What?! How did you kn—" Stan whipped around to gape at Bill, then stared at Ford. "How did he—?!"

"He has eyes everywhere," Ford said resignedly. "I'm sure once he got his claws into me, he started looking into my family's lives."

Soos considered this, nudged Bill, and said, "Hey. What kinda creepy stuff do you know about me?"

Bill didn't answer. He was staring blankly at the back of the front bench. Voice oddly flat, he said, "So. You leave me with a bunch of professional criminals. What's your plan then, smart guy."

"I don't know yet," Ford said. "And that's exactly why we're leaving you with people who can keep you contained—andkeep your puppet alive, whether you like it or not. All they need to do is buy us time until we find a way to extract you from your puppet and destroy you for good."

"And what if you can't 'extract' me."

The car was silent. Finally, Ford said, "Then whatever poor woman you've taken over has already lost her life. Destroying you and her body would be a mercy killing." Stan nodded sharply.

Bill slumped back in his seat. He looked out the window at the dark trees passing by.

The car's headlights swept over a sign reading "Now leaving Gravity Falls."

Bill choked on his breath. His gaze whipped forward, staring through the windshield, eyes wide. "Whoa-whoa-whoa wait wait stop STOP STOP! WATCH OUT!"

Ford slammed the breaks.

"What'd we hit?" Stan leaned over the dash, squinting into the dark. "After you insisted you're a better driver than me—"

"I didn't hit anything—there's nothing in the road—"

Hysterically, Bill demanded, "Are you trying to kill me?!"

Which was such a fantastically stupid question that the whole car turned to stare at him. He was wheezing on the verge of hyperventilation, pressed as far back into the car seat as he could get, feet raised and braced against the back of the front bench, face contorted in exaggerated fear.

Trying to sound irritated to avoid sounding rattled, Ford said, "What the devil is it?"

"Are you crazy?" Bill snapped. "You almost drove straight through the bubble!"

Soos and the Pines all looked forward. There was nothing but the dark road beyond their car. Ford gave Bill a wary look. "The what?"

"The—the bubble! The weirdness barrier around this stupid town's Attractor Zone! You can't see it, can you." Bill jutted his chin forward, gesturing out the windshield. "Well whether you see it or not, it's right there!"

Stan shrugged. "So?"

"SO?!" Bill's voice cracked. "So whaddaya think happens to me if I hit a weirdness barrier in a moving car?!"

Stan considered that a moment. "I dunno... That sounds more like your problem than our problem."

"Hey, it's your upholstery, buddy! But if YOU wanna see what happens when you hit a deer and it teleports inside the car—"

Stan snuck a foot over to the driver's side footwell and pressed the gas, making the engine rev. Bill flinched and yipped like a threatened chihuahua. Stan laughed.

Ford was staring hard at Bill. "The weirdness barrier only exists on the physical plane—it shouldn't affect you in the mindscape. And if you're possessing a perfectly normal human body, it wouldn't be impacted, either. It would only affect you if... you have physical form?" He scrutinized Bill's face—not his alien pupils, but everything else, taking in his facial features, looking for something familiar. The shape of his eyes, the brilliant gold of his hair that almost seemed to glow in the dark car, the way his narrow shoulders and wide hips gave him a distinctly triangular silhouette. "You're... not possessing someone, are you?"

Bill's breath hitched.

Stan looked between the two of them. "You mean that's just him? He's a human now?" He gestured dismissively at Bill. "Why shouldn't we hit the barrier, then. Take care of him now. I oughta get the ol' Diablo reupholstered, anyway."

"Oh! Oh! So that's how you want to play!" Bill let out a shrill laugh. "Fine, be like that! Do it—if you're sooo sure it won't just set me free! Do you like the sound of that? Wanna find out whether blowing up this flesh prison will kill me or��unleash me?" He leaned into Stan's face, baring his teeth, smiling viciously. "Go on, tough guy—think you can get me with another lucky sucker punch?"

Stan scowled—but instead of rising to the bait, he gave Bill a hard, considering look. "What's your game?"

"Ha! I'm playing games an idiot like you couldn't even imagine—"

On Stan's behalf, Ford tapped the gas, nudging the car forward a few inches.

Bill shrieked. "What's wrong with you, you maniac?!" Over Stan's guffaws and Ford's chuckle, Bill snapped, "I've had it!" The rear door swung open. Bill tumbled out onto the road.

"Hey!" Soos scrambled after him, but by the time he was out of his seatbelt, Bill was on his feet and running.

He was running very badly. He'd somehow managed to free his wrists and ankles—his ankles were raw and bloody and his handcuffs, still locked, lay innocently in the back seat—but his elbows were still chained to his sides and his knees were tied together. Stan jumped out of the car, saw Bill trip and sprawl on the asphalt less than twenty feet away, and laughed so hard he needed to lean on the car for balance.

Ford caught up just after Soos tackled Bill. "Well! There. Here you are." Ford's fists were trembling. "You couldn't have thought you'd escape, Bill. What was the point of that—that ridiculous demonstration!"

Bill's cheek was pressed to the ground so hard that he had to squeeze one eye shut; but it didn't stop him from giving Ford a smarmy smirk. "To be annoying," he said. "For you. Personally and individually."

"Fffp— For me?! Why? To what end, Bill?!" Ford knew Bill just wanted to see him angry. And it worked. "Of all the places in the world you could have gone, why are you back here! What could you possibly get out of harassing us again! After all you've done to us already!"

"What." The change on Bill's face was instantaneous. "After... what I... have done to you? WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU?!"

His body shook with the violence of his screams, threatening to throw Soos off. "I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO ANY OF YOU! Look at you all, you hale and hearty little animals, with all your dwindling decades left to you—what about ME?!"

He jammed a fist in Soos's gut to knock him off and lunged for Ford, clawing at his ankle and coat hem like a zombie reaching from the grave. Ford stumbled back, tripped over Bill's hand, and fell hard on the asphalt. Bill wrenched an arm free from the chains around his chest with a sick bony CRACK and crawled on top of Ford.  "I was perfect! I was a god-king! I'm the most sublime thing your universe has ever seen! What am I now?!" Bill's bound knees dug into Ford's abdomen, his clawed fingers reached for his face. "MEAT! I'm MEAT, Stanford! I'm a greasy trash bag of raw leather filled with meat and bile! My body is rotting off its bones as we SPEAK, in a few years I'll be dust! AND YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT I 'TOOK' FROM YOU?!"

His fingers closed around Ford's throat. "What did you lose! TELL ME what you lost! I gave you EVERYTHING you ever wanted—knowledge, magic, validation, INFINITE worlds to explore! I offered you more! I offered you fame and fortune! Immortality! Divinity! So WHAT! DID! YOU! LOSE!" He punctuated each word with a furious shake. He was frothing with rage, choking on his rage, so furious he was nearly sobbing. "And do you REALLY THINK it comes CLOSE to what I'VE been through?! To the eternity you STOLE FROM ME?! You KILLED me today, Stanford! I DIED TODAY—"

A grappling hook whistled between their faces, nearly hitting Bill's nose, smashing into the bark of a tree. Bill froze, eyes wide, the taut wire inches in front of his mouth, staring down at Ford. And then he let go. He didn't resist when Stan dragged him off, or when Stan and Soos wrapped their arms around him in case he lunged for Ford again. His knees briefly buckled before he got his feet under him again.

Ford stared up at Bill, rubbing his throat.

He'd seen Bill angry enough to kill—yet he'd never seen Bill angry like that before. Bill's anger was always the petty tantrum of an entitled child who had been denied something he thought he deserved. This was different.

This wasn't just anger; it was grief. Bill was grieving himself.

"This... really is you, isn't it?"

Bill's jaw tightened.

"Great Uncle Ford!" Dipper dropped to a knee beside Ford, grabbing his shoulder. "Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine, Dip—Dipper?" Ford stared at him, and turned to look at Mabel and the two bikes further up the road. "What are you two doing out here?"

"Following to make sure Bill doesn't try anything?" Dipper said. "Like he just did?"

Stan said, "Whoa, kids, it's way too dangerous f—aw, forget it. Just how the heck did you find us?" (He'd handed Bill over to Soos, learning nothing from the lessons of the last few minutes; but Bill didn't make another move to escape. He leaned against Soos for physical support, shoulders slumped, his whole face sagging with exhaustion.)

Dipper said, "We figured you wouldn't let us come, so Mabel bugged the car after dinner."

"She what?"

"I poked a hole in a bag of glitter and taped it under your bumper!" Mabel pointed at the sparkly red trail leading along the road to the car. She was trying to pull her grappling hook out of the tree. "Hey, Grunkle Ford! We saved your life twice in one day! I think you owe us a pizza or something."

Dipper nodded seriously. "Definitely."

Ford rubbed his neck. "I don't think he was even trying to kill me. He was just..." Ford trailed off, staring after Bill. Out of that mad monologue of historical revisionism, the part that echoed in Ford's head was the last words. I died today. It still felt that fresh to Bill? Where had he been the past year—how did time move there?

Mabel frowned. "Aw, c'mon, Grunkle Ford. Lemme have this."

He dragged his gaze from Bill and laughed, ruffling her hair. "All right, all right. I owe you two a pizza."

"Yes!"

"No wonder you slipped these off," Soos muttered, holding the handcuffs in one hand and one of Bill's hands in the other. "You have delicate little baby hands. I bet it's really easy for you to get things out of jars."

"Sure." Bill sighed listlessly. "But it makes playing the piano a pain."

Soos more tightly handcuffed Bill's delicate little baby hands in his lap, considered how best to keep him from running off again, and finally wrapped an arm around Bill's shoulders. "There. Buddy system!"

Bill endured this indignity with the vacant-eyed stoicism of a shell shocked soldier.

"So, what's going on?" Dipper asked, looking at the stopped car.

"We're at the edge of the weirdness barrier around Gravity Falls," Ford said. "Bill can't cross it. Obviously, slamming him into it would be like driving into a wall. It would be fatal."

"To just Bill? Or the tourist, too?"

"There is no tourist. That's—him."

"Yeah," Stan said. "So he claims, anyway. I'm not sure I believe that."

Mabel gasped and grabbed Dipper's arm. "I knew it! Grunkle Ford, Grunkle Stan—I think he's telling the truth! When Bill possessed Dipper, he was all cold and gross like a dead body. But this time he's normal! I bet his book wanted blood so he could make a body out of it!"

"Like a homunculus?" The Book of Bill was made of human brain tissue—and Ford had gotten the disconcerting impression that he could feel vertebrae through the book's spine. "I wouldn't put it past him."

Stan screwed up his face, tilting his head. "All right, magic books and humonkeys are beyond me, but—something's still fishy. He's holding something back, I'm sure of it. Sixer, you've had more practice figuring him out than anyone else, what do you think?"

Ford sighed. "Unfortunately, he's also had more experience manipulating me than anyone else. But, all the same, I wouldn't put the possibility that this is really his body past him. I... I've never seen him so..." He meant to say furious. Instead, he said, "hurt." 

Ford wondered if there really was something to Bill's anger that he had never seen before—something awoken by dying?—or if it was just easier for Ford to see the emotions now that they were on a human face. If there were other nuances he'd missed over the years.

Glancing toward the car, Ford didn't see any anger on Bill's face now. It was completely blank—not neutral but empty, like he was too exhausted to feel. "Bill's a good liar, but I've never known him to be a good actor. I think that... outburstwas sincere."

Mabel said, "I've seen him impersonating Soos, Dipper, and Blanchin Blandin, and—he's convincing when he's doing normal stuff, but I've never seen him try to fake having emotions."

Dipper said, "Yeah, he's not really big on emoting. Pretty much the only expression he knows how to make on purpose is the world's creepiest smile."

"Okay," Stan said, "so he's probably telling the truth about being stuck in a human body and being mad about it. But what about that thing he said about setting him loose again if we kill his body."

(Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look. Dipper mouthed Trojan horse, and Mabel nodded.)

"Because here's the thing," Stan said. "Say that's a lie, and killing him will just kill him. If he's half the liar you think he is, he woulda been trying to convince us from the start that his life is the only thing standing between us and the apocalypse! So why'd he only pull this out at the last minute, when it sounds like a stupid excuse?"

"He didn't need to tell us before," Ford said. "We thought he was possessing a tourist, we didn't want to hurt her."

"Ending the world's a lot scarier than killing one tourist! Why bother with the 'tourist puppet' schtick and then escalate? Maybe that's just the kind of half-rate con artist he is, but—just—!" Stan flung his hands up. "Something isn't adding up!"

Ford said, "So you think it's double reverse psychology? He told us killing him would restart Weirdmageddon so we'll think it's a lie, kill him, and actually restart it?"

Stan paused. "No," he said. "No, that's not it, either. If it was, he coulda just let us drive into that invisible barrier without saying anything."

"Then what? What's he actually trying to make us think?"

Stan stared at Bill, still turning over their conversation in the car, trying to put his finger on what had seemed wrong about it.

Wanna find out whether blowing up this flesh prison will kill me or unleash me?

Stan could see Bill's face as it had looked yesterday, on the ground at his feet, barrel of a laser gun aimed at Bill's forehead, looking past it to stare straight into Stan's eyes. Go ahead, Stanley, let's find out what'll happen. He could have claimed then that killing him would end the world—or he could have forced Stan to shoot—but that was all he'd said. Let's find out.

Slowly, Stan said, "He's not trying to make us think anything. He's banking on us being too scared to gamble on what'll happen if he dies. Because he's too scared to gamble." Stan turned to stare at Bill. "You! You don't know if you can come back from this."

Bill blinked and focused on the Pines, glare darting between them.

"Do you?" Stan crossed his arms.

Bill's face twitched, and his defiance collapsed: "No! I don't know! I didn't get to see the terms and conditions on this stupid body—I don't know if I get my angles back when this body croaks, or if I just get shuffled into a human afterlife and that's it!" He forced a furious smile. "But if I don't know what's going to happen, then neither do you! Nobody does! So do you want to find out the hard way?!"

Bill looked from face to face; their silence was answer enough. No. They did not want to find out the hard way. He laughed loudly, reveling in his one tiny triumph.

"All right," Stan barked, "I've had enough of your crap." He cracked his knuckles, marched up to Bill, and socked his jaw.

Bill immediately shut up.

The other humans politely clapped.

####

If they couldn't take Bill out of the weirdness barrier, then for now there was only one place to take him: back to the shack. Stan borrowed a phone to step off the road and have a quick, hushed conversation with his contacts about the change in plans, while Ford helped Dipper and Mabel attach their bikes to the roof of the car.

When Stan returned, Ford said, "We're running out of seats." What he really meant was they were out of seats that would keep the kids away from Bill.

"Just stick me in the trunk!" Bill—leaning against the car boredly while the humans rearranged his incarceration plans—had regained some of his usual pep now that one small thing had gone right for him. He had, somehow, got his hands on the bat Soos had stowed in the back seat, and had been holding it like a cane, unnoticed until he used it to gesture toward the trunk. "I'm a prisoner! Humans put prisoners in the trunk, right?"

Stan snorted. "What, and let you kick out the taillights and escape? I don't think so. And who let you have a weapon!" He snatched the bat from Bill and tossed it in the trunk instead. "Kids, you sit on the front bench." Stan and Soos slid into the back with Bill jammed in the middle.

The drive was very, very quiet.

The only noise was the quiet squeak as Bill took up steadily kicking Ford's side of the front bench. Ford's grip on the steering wheel tightened. He said nothing.

Stan kicked Bill's ankle. Bill kicked Stan. Soos leaned against the window in a futile attempt to escape them and sighed.

And then the car was silent again.

"Say!" Bill said. The other passengers started. "What is it, about three? That's morning! Who wants to go get breakfast?"

"No," Stan and Ford said.

"Aw, come on! I think we're near that truck stop where Sixer had a psychotic episode!" Bill kicked the front bench more enthusiastically. "I thought you guys decided to keep me alive! You'll have a hard time doing that if you let me starve to death."

Ford said, "You're not going to starve to death between now and when we get home."

Soos blinked. "Hey, he slept through dinner, didn't he? Dude. How long has it been since you last ate?"

"Do socks count?"

Dipper and Mabel cast a suspicious glance at the damp half sock lying in the front footwell.

Soos shook his head. "Uh-uh."

"Then depending on which way of measuring nonlinear chronology you want to go by, it's either been a day, a year, or an eternity."

Soos furrowed his brow. Stan sighed irritably and said, "Would it kill you to give a straight answer?"

"It might. I've never tried before." Bill cackled. "It's not my fault I don't know which way you want to count chronology!"

Flatly, Ford said, "How long does your body think it's been since you last fed it."

"I've never fed it."

The humans stared in shock. Even Ford spared a glance in the rearview mirror.

"Ohhh right, that's not optional anymore. That explains the ceaseless abdominal pain! And all Chumbo's griping! And the vertigo when I stand up! And the mood swings!" Bill laughed, "Hey, Fordsy! Turns out I was just hungry!"

"I'll stop for breakfast if you never call me that again."

"Deal!"

Ford took the turn toward the Triple Digit Truck Stop.

####

[thebramblewood]

Pick your poison: creepy bush man or ravenous (but sexy) vampire.

Gwen: Hi, Elvira? Can I come over? This complete rando asked me out on a date and now he's hiding in the bushes like a serial killer. Who fucking does that? STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!

-

Gwen: Whoa, nice place. Are we gonna make out some more now or what?

Elvira: Oh, you humans are adorable. Now, this might hurt a bit.

Gwen: Wait, wha-

-

Gwen: Well, that was a weird fucking day!

[felice-jaganshi]

My Fallen Apple

Chapter 12

The two of you spend months planning, but something important is missing… Zariah, your best friend in heaven, won't answer her phone. Lucifer can see how sad and uncertain you look, and confronts you.

 

“Hey, what's gotten my Little Apple down?” He wraps an arm around your waist.

 

“It's… My best friend. Before I moved down here, I told her about you, and she said if we ever got married, she'd take the trip to hell to be my maid of honor without hesitation. But, she hasn't answered my texts since last extermination.”

 

“Oh geez… You don't think she was one of the exorcists do you?” He felt guilty, her friend may have been killed by his people.

 

“No way! She's always been a pacifist, even when we were alive.” Which made this even more distressing, why would she suddenly go silent?

 

“Well, what's her name? I still got a few contacts in heaven, maybe I could set you up a meeting to talk things out?” He would do anything for her. He already knew he'd have to deal with heaven soon anyways. No matter how terrifying, he wasn't pushing it onto Charlie anymore. He was the king, damn it!

 

“Her name's Zariah. She has orange-” His eyes go wide and he cuts you off.

 

“Oh Fuck! Her?! She's been staying at the hotel!”

 

“What?! What the fuck, why hasn't she called me then?!” You're both excited and worried about the news. You thought for sure she would have contacted you right away!

 

“She uh… she kind of sold her soul to another demon. She's on his leash, so it's likely she can't go anywhere without his permission.” He answered, looking away, he didn't like seeing her so upset. Even though it wasn't targeted to him, it still felt bad.

 

You groan in frustration, “Oh my god! That's fucking great .” You take a breath to calm down. “Okay, let's go. I wanna see her now .” Your tone is firm. You're trying to control your anger. You're not mad at Lucifer, you're mad at whoever the fuck had your bestie on a leash .

 

He nods mutely, and opens a portal, taking both of you to the hotel. You immediately storm through and Charlie looks confused, “Becca? Dad? Is everything okay?”

 

“Sweetheart, where's Zariah? Turns out she and Becca were friends in heaven.”

“Oh, she and Alastor are out in cannibal town getting tea with Rosie. They should be back in a bit.”

 

You look at Charlie, “Is that the one who has her soul? What kind of demon is he? You said cannibal town?!” You had a sinking feeling…

 

“Oh, he's known as the radio demon. And it's actually really nice over there if you don't eat anything you're offered.” She sounded nervous. 

 

“Fucking… God damn it!” You look back through your texts with her and read them out. “ 'Found a book on a radio host serial killer, best thing I've read in months, wish I could meet him.' That's her last text to me before going silent. So I'm guessing she fucking found him!” You're so mad at Zariah! You expected her to be smarter than trying to date an actual serial killer! “When she gets back here I'm shaking her so hard! ” You never hit her, but she could be so…

Lucifer put a comforting arm around your shoulders, “Whoa there, Apple Tart, calm down…”

_______

 

The two eventually did return to the hotel, and as soon as your eyes met, she squeaked and ran to you.

“Becca!!” You let her hug you and can't help but hug back.

“Zariah! You've been here this whole time and didn't call me?! I've missed you!!” Her purrs are comforting, to the point you almost forget why you were mad.

 

“My phone broke when I fell, and you know I never memorized anyone's numbers.”

 

Radio static fills your ears, and you look to see a red clothed demon, who speaks with a radio filter.

 

“Ah, an old friend of yours darling? You must introduce me.” His smile was creepy in that it didn't reach his eyes.

 

“Oh, yeah!” She pulls back from your hug. “Alastor, this is Becca, my bestie beyond life and death! We used to call each other soulmates when we were alive. I still think we are, honestly! Becca, this is Alastor, the radio demon! Remember when I texted you about my research?! I found him!” She's practically bouncing on her heels in excitement. 

 

“I can see that.” Your tone is filled with irritation, “I heard you sold your soul to him.” You suddenly grab her by the shoulders and gently, yet vigorously, shake her. “What is wrong with you?! Of course serial killers are charming, it's how they catch their prey! Make. Better. Decisions! ” Zariah goes along with the shaking, not putting up any resistance to it.

 

“Whoa, Becca, calm down! I'm fine! Al would never hurt-”

 

“No! Do not!” You stop shaking her. “I'm saying this because I love you. You need to get out of this ‘deal’ thing and get back to heaven where you're safe.”

You can hear Alastor growling, and it's terrifying. 

 

“Becca, no! I'm not leaving him anymore than you'd leave Lucifer! He's never going to hurt me, it's part of the deal I made, why does everyone think I'm an idiot?! I may not be the smartest, but I'm not dumb!”

Alastor suddenly wrapped an arm around Zariah and pulled her to his chest.

“Miss Becca, I believe we've gotten off on the wrong foot. I only kill sinners. Even in life, that was true. So please, do calm down. I would never harm my darling. She is more precious to me than you realize.” His words sounded so genuine. 

 

“Fine, but I'm keeping an eye on you. You hurt her, and I'm coming for your head!” You level a solid glare at him, and he nods.

“Agreed, if I fail my dearest, you have every right to seek restitution on her behalf.”

 

“Oookay, well this was exciting!” Charlie jumped in, “But now let's focus back in on some positives!” She wanted to stop any potential fights before they broke out.

“Right, Z, there was a reason I was looking for you.” You say, “Remember when you promised to be my maid of honor if I got married? Well, it's happening!” You finally drop the bomb, and Zariah squeals in delight and hugs you tight!

 

“Oh my god, yes!! He actually proposed?! I'm so happy for you!” 

 

Lucifer smiled fondly as he watched the two of you, it was sweet. And he was glad to finally have someone who might be able to convince Zariah to get out of her deal with the demon. Or at least to leverage her power over Alastor and get him to stop being such an ass to him all the time!