#SEE LIKE THE THING IS. IN CONCEPT DEXTER IS JUST LIKE REALLY GOOD

[robert-smirke-official]

MAG Avatar Fuckability Tier List

It’s here. You’re welcome. Avatars are ranked most fuckable (S Tier) to least fuckable (F Tier). They are also ranked within their respective tiers. In true Robert Smirke style, I will not be accepting criticism. Fight me.

S Tier

Have special traits that actively contribute to the sexual experience.

Daisy Tonner (Hunt) - excellent strength and stamina. Essentially has a werewolf form, and we all know how hot Tumblr gets for werewolves. Deserves the #1 spot.

Jared Hopworth (Flesh) - will mold his body into whatever shape you want. May also mold your body into whatever shape you want. Can help with your dysphoria, might steal your bones.

Annabelle Cane (Web) - if you’re into bondage. Webs that are never too tight or too loose, and that can move on their own.

Tom Han (Flesh) - an avatar of the Flesh absolutely knows his way around a body. Also an incredible cook. He will make you dinner first, just don’t ask what’s in it.

Jude Perry (Desolation) - perfect temperature control, and hard into sadism. She will ruin your life, but the sex will be fantastic.

Breekon & Hope (Stranger) - two for the price of one, but they are so in sync that you’ll never feel the awkwardness of a threesome. Also, they’re blue collar workers. Very hot.

Michael Crewe (Vast) - imagine sex in freefall, like an eagle. I’ve never tried it but it sounds thrilling. Nobody but the two of you in a vast, empty sky.

A Tier

S Tier with drawbacks, or excellent options without being exceptional.

The Distortion (Spiral) - everyone wants to talk about "mind-breaking sex" but nobody wants to deal with the consequences. You’re gonna have a hell of a migraine.

The Coffin (Buried) - some people like to be crushed under the weight of their partner. Very clingy.

Emma Harvey (Web) - excited to experiment in the bedroom. May bring other Avatars over. Does not understand the concept of safe words.

Simon Fairchild (Vast) - old but still spry and flexible. No drawbacks, but doesn’t make S Tier because the Magnusverse has more to offer.

Martin Blackwood (Lonely) - a good listener. Will take your needs to heart. The human version of a cheetah’s emotional support golden retriever. Not exceptional, but dependable.

Manuela Dominguez (Dark) - sex with the lights off. Intelligent and bold, likes to take charge. Not extremely distinguishing.

B Tier

Mostly good options with some less-than-ideal traits.

Alfred Grifter (Slaughter) - an old man who's still got it, and a musician to boot. Don't let him choose a playlist to "set the mood." The mood is murder.

Elias Bouchard (Eye) - besides being subjectively hot he really doesn’t have anything going for him. Short temper. You do not want this man's pipe.

Julia Montauk (Hunt) - intense, but maybe you’re into that sort of thing. Will break up with you just to get you back. Daddy issues.

Jonathan Sims (Eye) - knows what you want in bed, and is good at getting you to open up. A little too anxious to be a really good lover.

Oliver Banks (End) - attractive, sure, but distant, like trying to fuck a statue. Doesn’t help that he can see when you are going to die.

Hezekiah Wakely (Buried) - expert at putting you to bed afterwards, but the sex itself? There are better options.

C Tier

Mostly bad options with redeeming qualities.

Gertrude Robinson (Eye) - constantly checking you out for weaknesses. Will not make eye contact.

Trevor Herbert (Hunt) - canonically grimy, though some people are into that. Body of a 70 year old marathon runner.

Dexter Banks (Web) - your classic film boyfriend who'd rather watch Das Boot than actually get busy. At least he's not transphobic.

Benoit Macon (Corruption) - are you open to threesomes with his beetle wife? How do you feel about becoming a rotten log full of termites?

Samson Stiller (Eye) - plenty of circuits for you to short out. Refuses to log out of Omegle.

Nathaniel Thorp (End) - likes games, but won't let you win. Too bony for good cuddling.

Gabriel (Spiral) - you’ll feel like putty in his hands. You’ll also develop a phobia of doors and fingerprints.

D Tier

Will give you a bad experience, or just boring.

Jonah Magnus (Eye) - prefers to watch. Dusty.

Agnes Montague (Desolation) - doesn’t want to hurt you, but literally cannot touch you without giving you third-degree burns.

Angela (Flesh) - very possible you would wake up the next morning without genitals.

The Piper (Slaughter) - hard to find a private spot in the middle of a war zone. Unfuckable due to bagpipes.

Not!Them (Stranger) - disconcerting, especially since the person you think you’re having sex with is actually dead. Emotionally distant.

Maxwell Rayner (Dark) - feels like he is going to crumble to dust. Insists on doing it with the lights off. Doesn’t know any interesting positions (he is from the 1700s).

F+ Tier

Just for Jane Prentiss (Corruption) because some of you are into that shit.

F Tier

Active health risks.

Nikola Orsinov (Stranger) - maybe some of you want to fuck a mannequin, but this one is actively homicidal. May also steal your skin.

Mary Keay (End) - gross as fuck, will kill you horribly, and the sex isn’t even very good.

Sarah Baldwin (Stranger) - by all accounts, taxidermied animals are nasty to cuddle with.

Monster Pig (Flesh) - no! What? No!

Raymond Fielding (Web) - has no friends. Will fill you with spiders. Also a devout Catholic. One of those has to be a deal-breaker.

Peter Lukas (Lonely) - does not want to be there. Likely has never been more intimate than being on first-name basis in the workplace.

John Amherst (Corruption) - girl the rot

[theshepherdshound]

9, 11, & 40 for the narinder ask thing if you don’t mind :)

tbh i will always talk about blorbo so all good- he's on microwave in my brain even if i can't write about him and the lamb rn

9. Do you have headcanons about who his witnesses or ‘bosses’ would be pre-exile? If so, who are they?

in all honestly i haven't put too much thought into it no, so instead here is a bunch of narinder pre-entrapment, post narrative spoiler, while lucid while i think on it

he did find the tail on the robe a bit excessive (and really he should have a veil but it is super annoying to draw and not make his face disappear) but the simplest answer is just that to me it is likely given his providence that he would've needed any given that the only way someone might find him unattended he'd be in the void and they'd be dead anyways and any mortal who touched him would die so what would've been the point really? it's not like they'd be able to spend time with him or the void or be near him for any extended period of time it's not like mortals are people anyways

11. How did Narinder feel about his priests, witnesses, and followers?

who?

(really he does have many feelings about it but why he has many feelings about it is narratively relevant, but He Does Not Feel Great About It and would really rather it went back to the way things were before) but- given he can experience 4D (and often it is unwillingly) it is mostly kind of hard to think of them as anything more than kind of a mass of colours and emotions in multiple moments in time. who the might've been or could be and never were- looking at an individual as someone you were taught to never see and struggled with to begin with kind of explode into all possibilities makes it best not to think on them it's not like mortals are people anyways- right?

40. What is his biggest struggle after being spared? Fitting in with the cult? Seeing the lamb’s face daily? Chronic pain?

his hands don't work as well and often can't do fine tasks- which when i was going through this questions was one i was like MMMM because i get to talk about one of my favourite thoughts around the motif of survival and narinder cats are prey they're hunters too of course, but there's also something interesting to me about an animal characterisation that is both predator and prey; that cats exist in this kind of between space of fight or flight. and it really depends on the situation what they choose to do! but most tend to attack when backed into a corner narinder was most certainly backed into a lot of corners all of the bishops are prey animals that are in some way potentially dangerous- small things that fight to survive and sometimes win. leshy is the most of a stretch here- but there are worms that are predators SO i stand by it but now he can't- he lost enough dexterity that on a bad day he cannot defend himself. and what do you do when everything you are is built on that concept; surviving at all expense, no matter what, taking down every obstacle that stood between you and the safety of yourself and those you care about?

what does he have now? what is there after being the one that survived? and having done so to have lost your last defense? in some regards i don't think that struggle stops, that fear is so deeply baked into his loose concept of self that there isn't really a way of dealing with it beyond management it is a huge part of what makes him kind of a wet paper bag of a person- he's essentially just managing to not have a panic attack most of the time

he's so silly WHEEEE

[bakersgrief]

Face masks with the Shark Bait cast

Rhin:

What's this? You want to do these together?

He's happy to spend time with you like this. Not to mention, the new experience is certainly interesting.

He asks you to let him put yours on for you. Of course you can put his on for him as well.

His touch is very gentle and his artist's hands are dexterous and sure.

He holds back a frown when you tell him the cucumbers are to reduce redness, dark circles, and inflammation around the eye. He doesn't see a thing wrong with your eyes.

If you explain the main purpose of all this is to relax and hydrate your skin, he'll feel a bit better. He doesn't want you to think you need to do this to look prettier or anything.

Takes the cucumbers off his eyes while the two of you are waiting so he can look at you. Your relaxed expression is so nice to see after seeing you being almost constantly worried about something since arriving at the palace.

He has to admit, this is making him feel quite relaxed as well. (He could definitely use some relaxation)

Would definitely do it with you again, enjoys the quality time. He prefers you leave the cucumbers out, though. (So he can get a better look at your face while you relax in the mask)

Tiggy:

Yes, it may smell good, but you can't eat it, Tiggy! At least, not yet.

If he wants to eat it afterwards, why not.

Hey, where did the cucumbers go-? Ah, shit.

With or without cucumbers, doing face masks with Tiggy will always be fun.

He likes to sit and chat while waiting, usually sitting right next to you or in your lap somehow.

This is the kind of platonic quality time this man craves. Especially after a tiring day.

Tiggy you cannot LICK THE MASK OFF

Watch out, your glowing skin will be extra tempting for him to nom on afterwards.

GW:

Hell no. What kind of bullshit is this?

He's not gonna smear stuff all over his face. Gross.

Just isn't really on board with the concept. He doesn't need to relax OR hydrate his skin, thank you very much.

He'll sit and watch you as you lay back with cucumbers on your eyes.

He won't believe you when you tell him it feels nice. GW seems like the kind of guy to hate the feeling of creams and lotions against his skin.

Might decide to scare you by sneaking up on you while your eyes are covered.

Your fear just smells so good, pet.

Lee:

Ooh, is this a common human ritual? He would love to try it!

Wow... this IS really relaxing!

Put some of his favorite music on and he is in heaven. He hasn't felt this at peace for a long time.

Asks all kinds of questions about the why's and how's of face masks before you start. How often do humans use them? It depends on the skin type??? Humans have different types of skin???!!!

It's going to be a while before you can get started. But after the fist couple times he runs out of questions and just enjoys the experience.

Would definitely love it to be a regular activity between the two of you.

He sometimes falls asleep while waiting. You have to either take the mask off for him or wake him up so he can do it himself.

[jollyhunter]

Everyone knows (and agrees with me, I'm sure) that the one episode concept we really missed out on was a Sam and Dean body swapping. What do you think they would do if they did body swap for a day OR (alternative or additional question) what's the episode concept that would magically exist in your perfect Djinn reality? <333

Okay, not gonna lie. I had to think about this for a while. Thanks for the question friend 😏

Now, I gotta put a disclaimer here first: I haven't watched all the seasons yet, so if I'm getting things wrong or something like this does actually exist as an episode please just ignore my rambling. <33

Sam and Dean body swapping would have been interesting and hilarious! I to be honest think they'd have a strict 'no touching my body' rule and they sure as hell would both follow it. Because - I don't have any siblings so correct me if you think I'm wrong - I strongly believe that you wouldn't want to touch your dongle when you're in your brothers body since that's basically just like touching them and we don't go down that lane. Nope - nuh -uh.

Despite that, I feel like Dean would enjoy being taller and would constantly be like "huh, so that's the view you have of me. thank god I only date shorter girls than me". He'd probably hit his head at least a dozen times on door frames, or when sliding into the seat of Baby or when he whips his head around to look after a lady just to get slapped in the face by Sam's long ass hair and he slams into a pole half-blinded by them 😂 Also bowlegs. They’d both walk funny. Dean stumbling around not being used to the long stalks and Sammy trying to make the bowlegs work.

Sam would probably hover over him the entire time and tell him to stop messing with his body because oh this is going to be a field trip for Dean. He'd shove any food down that hatch that makes Sam pull at his - well - short Dean-hair. Speaking of hair. Dean would absolutely get a hair cut just to piss Sammy off. He might even get some stupid unamoosed-tat on his ass cheek (the pain's worth Sam's reaction). Basically, I'd imagine this episode when they're older version prank day where they'd both act like stupid teenage boys again 😏

ALRIGHT SO. NEXT QUESTION. (Sorry I'm just rambling at this point)

About the episode concept that would exist in my perfect Djinn reality? Let's just say I'm super torn between 'I just wanna see my boy(s) happy' and 'I'd love to see how they're in our world with no angels, no lucifer or apocalypse, no monsters, but they still do their job - but wait, there are no monsters? Oh but yes. They still kill.

But as two unhinged contract killers who are known as "The Brothers" or "The Winchesters" with their own twisted set of morals who always get the job done' (guess this is more of an alternate universe oopsie - sorry!)

Imagine something like Dexter, or “The Twins” (Lemon and Tangerine 🫶) of Bullet Train for the vibe. 🤭

Oh and how could I forget the good old angst-version:

I've always wondered what Dean's and Sam's life would look like if their birth order was switched. Meaning, Dean was the little brother and Sam the older one.

Dean's entire personality is built on the fact that he's 'the older brother'. Not just literally but also figuratively speaking. The moment Dean had to carry baby Sammy out of the flames with his innocent 4 years and was told to "look after his little brother", his role was set in stone. He has to be the strong one, the one who protects and looks out for Sam - and basically anyone but himself.

This just makes me wonder what would he be like if their roles were switched? What would Sam be like? Would he have dealt differently with the responsibilty? Just gonna throw this out there. What do you think? 🥺 And what would be your favorite magical Djinn reality? ���

[thecryptidgrey]

As an avid lover of his Dark Materials I have yet to see a BG3 daemons concept and that is a Crime. So here are some Thoughts below the cut :)

(Also something something about the representation of religion in HDM and how it correlates to BG3's depictions of faith and trauma. I have the Idea but I am too tired to do much with it; may return to the thought later.)

Shadowheart- a borzoi. Elegant, spooky looking, dramatic. Borzoi don't make much vocal noise but are very playful- instincts surpressed by Sharrens that thrive with the party (see that very cute night orchid scene specifically). Generally very sweet, loyal animals, like SH when you get to know her. Plus they look amazing.

(Act 3 spoilers- I also appreciate that she'll match it when she dyes her hair. Seems suitable dramatic for her.) Anyways, I also really like borzois and think it's be funny af to see in them trotting around in game like the weird willow tree ghost things they are.

Lae'zel- Githyanki don't have daemons; she finds them baffling. Very impractical to carry one's soul on the exterior, although perhaps an efficient companion in combat to have someone you share instincts with. After much discussion by the others she decides for them if she did have one it would be a red dragon. Nobody argues with that.

(She does decide she'd have to prove herself worthy of such a beast first, and if she trusts Tav admits that maybe she'd like if Vlaakith could give her a daemon bond with her future dragon. Would she get a dragon if she became Vlaakith's chosen? Idk, she would now.)

Karlach- Tieflings also don't have daemons. She wants one wholeheartedly. The party finds her a magic ring that allows her to summon a familiar- she gets a direwolf puppy as enthusiastic and adoring as she is :)

Said ring is obtained somewhere in the Shadowlands after she gets the cooldown upgrade so she can hug it as soon as she has it. Also it grows up absolutely massive. Its paws are the size of its head when it's a puppy. All the better for cuddling with!

Gale- Tara. Wizards, sorcerers, etc, tend to have magical creatures as familiars. This AU he had Tara since the beginning. He still summoned all the other weird shit he did as a kid, just with Tara's help. She is his voice of reason and holder of the braincells; he gets to keep one and it's all about Mystra. She's protecting the rest from its corruption. He gets them back when the party convinces him to tell Mystra to go fuck herself.

(I do chew upon the trans Gale headcanon sometimes. If anyone wishes to muse with me on how daemons, which are typically of the opposite sex to their human, would be incorporated into that, please do.) Edit- pls see comments for very illuminating interpretations of daemons and gender!! Very cool stuff!

Wyll- lanner falcon. Medium sized yet formidable bird of prey, the head of which was often depicted on Egyptian gods like Ra and Horus. Beautiful, noble and nimble creatures (good for a dexterity based build, which I focused on for him alongside charisma).

Mizora's pact significantly lengthened their tether; her devil-form punishment broke it and weakened their bond significantly, much to their distress- they hate to be out of vision of one another as a result. Halsin, Jaheira and especially my Tav Cerewyn helped him adapt to and understand the new tether.

Druids and their daemons are based on the His Dark Materials witches, who have significantly lengthened bonds. Druid bonds are just as strong in markedly different ways; each is more independent and their personalities more distinct. I will definitley expand more on this; I adore Wyll and really want to do his character justice. He's the knight in shining armour but he also made a deal with a devil to be said knight, so, y'know. His daemon should really reflect that complexity.

Astarion- luna moth (changed when he turned- he can't remember what she was before.)

Beautiful in a fragile, showy way. Short-lived. Desperate for the light. A silkmoth; silk for embroidery. He resents her for being such a reflection of the self he tries so desperately to hide yet is fiercely protective of her, so beautiful and soft and hopeful- moths exist to seek light, craving it like he longed for a knight in shining armour, like he yearns for the sun.

Cazador liked to pin her wings.

(I love my sad wet cat very much and so as payback for hurting my soul he is subjected to the tragedy that is my attempting to be poetic :) )

Halsin- bear. Druid daemons reflect their favoured Wild shapes. Strong, steady, reliable, protective. Optimal shape for snuggles, very nice and warm, overall :) vibes to look at and be around. (Bear is not present for That Scene. That Scene and daemons are not up for discussion, you degenerates. Thank you <3)

Jaheira- Eurasian lynx. Struggled a bit on this one- didn't think any of the wild shapes suited her as a daemon- so looked up the national animal of Romania (supposedly Jaheira's accent?) for potential inspiration. Got the lynx, which seems perfect. Medium sized, elegant, very dignifed and deadly hunters who inhabit forests. Notably very quiet and hard to track. Endangered, which resonated with me because of Jaheira's status as one of the last of the Old Guard, so to speak. Nocturnal, which I like because we meet Jaheira in the shadow-cursed lands. Ambush predator, which just goes with my Gloom Stalker build for her. Overall seems perfect for the legendary druid.

Minsc- Boo? Fuck knows man, Minsc gonna Minsc. I spent way too long thinking about Jaheira and now I don't have the energy left. If Gale can have Tara, Minsc can have Boo. I do love Minsc so I will be back to expand on him if the mood strikes me but also I think maybe I don't need to? Daemon Boo just seems Right. Will consult Minsc's backstory and update later if necessary.

Minthara- yet to recruit her so uncertain. Displacer beast seems apt, maybe? Something felinoid would really fit her tbh. Elegant and lethal, very aloof but loyal once you've got her. Input would be appreciated.

My Tav, Cerewyn, just in case ya'll are interested- a raven named Gwyn, short for something I haven't figured out how to spell yet.

Clever, calculating, very blunt and sarcastic to balance out Cere's generally stoic, quite, calm demeanour. Sharp eyed bird for a sharpshooter ranger's daemon. Cere is a beast master ranger/ druid of land multiclass; ravens are summonable both for wild companions and familiars and are a wild shape (Cere's preferred wild shape too).

A common species but not to be underestimated and generally unpredictable, which suits her. She romances Astarion and both she and the raven think he and his luna moth are the prettiest things they've ever seen. They're also very patient and perceptive of trauma due to (Extensive Backstory), so they're more than happy to take their time with earning his trust. Astarion is very appreciative of all the shiny things the raven likes to bring him, and also that it clawed one of Cazador's eyes out for daring to speak to Astarion like That.

CONC.; symbolism is fun and also painful :)

Daemon names are a work in progress; the muses gave me this then said lol nope and fucked off before I could ask them for appropriate names. Might post them with some sketches of the party and daemons together?

(I wrote this in Notes app at an ungodly hour with fuck all editing. It is incoherent, but if anything is genuinely incomprehensible, please tell me so I may at least try to fix it. Much love <3 if you made it this far you get to know I welcome suggestions for NPCs to give daemons next!)

First edit- I misspelled quiet so many times omfg

[tokiro07]

That reply I got on my last Zelda post made me realize that I was only thinking about the story elements for potential Zelda-led games and not the mechanics of those games. I touched on it a bit in my reply, but I wanted to dive a little bit deeper into it here

As in Echoes of Wisdom, the goal here is to find gameplay styles that de-emphasize direct combat or physical dexterity, though we don't need to completely eschew them either (even EoW Zelda throws boulders around, after all)

Skyward Sword: a common complaint with Skyward Sword was the lack of content in the sky, so I think revisiting that through Zelda herself would be a great idea. Getting to spend more time with the Loftwings would be fun too, so I'd like them to play an active role within the dungeons. To that end, I'm thinking something inspired by Team Ico's The Last Guardian would work well, with the goal being to guide and instruct the Loftwing to perform tasks, requiring the player to pay attention to its mannerisms in order to gain some semblance of control

Minish Cap: the shrinking mechanic in the original was already a game-spanning puzzle in and of itself, so revisiting that could work well for Wisdom gameplay. To differentiate it, though, I might recommend expanding it to include shrinking and growing other objects, maybe a little bit like Superliminal but on a smaller scale. Or Zelda could just be shrunk down the entire time and needs to figure out how to navigate the world around her

Four Swords/Adventures: FSA ended with Zelda talking about learning a lesson about teamwork and some such, so this could either be another co-op game where the players need to coordinate with each other, or one player would be given multiple characters to work with at once and need to keep track of them all, like the single player in Tri Force Heroes. Honestly, my problem with TFH was that it was clearly not designed for single player, so if they revisited that concept with that explicit intention, I think they could have something solid

Ocarina of Time: obviously this would be Sheik stealth game. Oracle of Seasons already had minor stealth segments, so if you expand that concept into something more akin to the classic Metal Gear games, being more focused on observation, reaction and improvization than pure memorization, I think you'd really have something

Link Between Worlds: again, the 2D/3D puzzles of the original were already exactly the kind of thing we're looking for, so if the developers felt in any way that they hadn't fully explored the concept, like giving Zelda the ability to actually perform actions in 2D rather than simply moving, I think it would be worth revisiting

Zelda 1/Adventure of Link: similar to my idea for Four Swords, I think this one would best focus on the dichotomy between the two co-existing Zeldas, so perhaps an It Takes Two approach with each character having unique abilities would be best. Again, this is a good opportunity for co-op, but I'd like it if they could be controlled simultaneously, like in FSA. Maybe something more like Mario & Luigi's overworld segments, where they're both moving at the same time and different buttons are assigned to each character to activate their unique abilities. We don't really know enough about either of these Zeldas to conjecture what powers they'd have, but if we go off of Zelda I being under a sleep curse, maybe something to do with stillness vs. motion? Like one can make things stop and the other can make things speed up? It would take some workshopping, but I see potential here

Twilight Princess: knowing so little about the Twilight Realm, I'm envisioning labyrinthian architecture, where pathfinding is the name of the game. Given the predilection for darkness, perhaps light-based puzzles would be in order

Wind Waker: this one has the best reason to expand into combat for sure since Tetra is a fighter, but coordinating with her crew to perform tasks either for puzzle-solving or combat would be a perfect way to incorporate her Wisdom into the gameplay. Maybe there would be naval battles where steering the ship in the right way or firing the cannons at the right time would help fend off enemies. Maybe on land, resource management of ammunition and other supplies would be something the player has to be mindful of, or Tetra can bring two or three of her crew along at a time like the Sages in TotK to use their abilities

Spirit Tracks: the Phantoms were already pretty much exactly what we're looking for, so I think just coming up with new Phantoms and level designs would be sufficient. Rearranging the Spirit Tracks themselves for more efficient navigation could also be fun, but I don't know if most fans want land development in their Zelda games

Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom: I already said in my last post that the Ancient Power system in TotK would have worked as a Wisdom mechanic, so again, any enhancement or refinement therein should probably go to Zelda

If I were a professional, I'm sure I could come up with something a lot more workable than these high concepts, but my main goal with this thought exercise was just to see how the extant stories could be used to make new ones, and I definitely see a lot of areas of opportunity

Of these, I personally like the Skyward Sword idea best, I like what Last Guardian was going for and would really like to see the concept explored by other developers

[ctrl-alt-tahu]

Star Wars Shows I want to Whisper in Dave Filoni's ear

So, @onvermel and I were video-chatting to compare notes on The Acolyte (short version, we both liked it), but as the conversation ranged wide over all things Star Wars, we ended up having some rather specific ideas of what we'd like (or like to have had) in a Star Wars show.

Firstly:

Jar Jar Binks After the Prequels

We both agreed that it's probably still a little while before Lucasfilm/Disney is brave enough to dip its toes back in the Jar Jar waters after George Lucas himself backed off royally in Episodes II and III, but we think the time has come. We want a show that follows him after Revenge of the Sith. It could go three ways, and I want to see all three:

The Rise and Fall of the House of Binks: i.e., the dramatic tragedy. After the death of his friend and mentor, Padmé Amidala, Representative Binks is again asked to step in as Acting Senator for Naboo--this time by the Emperor himself. Jar Jar is honoured and humbled to follow in Padmé's steps and takes pride in continuing her legacy. Over the course of the show (at least two seasons), Jar Jar comes to realise what Padmé's legacy really was, and he comes to realise with horror that: a.) he betrayed it with his vote in Attack of the Clones, b.) that his pride in Naboo as the homeworld of the Emperor is profoundly misplaced, and c.) that something is seriously wrong. And once he realises all this and tries to do something about it, the Emperor gets wind of it and sends his fearsome enforcer, Darth Vader, and in his last moments, Jar Jar has a terrifying realisation--this is another man he knows.

Binks: a comedy about Acting Senator-turned-permanent senator Jar Jar Binks. As I put it to Onvermel, a few sad deaths of friends aside, this is the show where Jar Jar is the only person still living in the Republic after the end of the prequels: hesa very good friend of the chancellor, appointed permanent senator by Queen Jamilla in the hopes of leveraging that favour, and Palpatine finds him a useful cog and... the show is just Jar Jar bumbling about in a Frasier-esque existence oblivious to what he's enabling or what has happened. There's some social commentary in this: through Jar Jar's eyes, we see the galaxy as Palpatine wanted people to see it--and as many people (not the rebels or the downtrodden) actually did. It's mostly just laughs until the final episode: Palpatine has died at Endor, the New Republic has taken Coruscant, and Senator Binks as a close collaborator of Palpatine for thirty years is put on trial (after Mas Amedda and right before Sate Pestage) for war crimes. He's taken away guilty at the end--"but meesa knows nothing about the Sith! Meesa knows nothing!" in a Seinfeld-esque downer of an ending.

Meesa Bombad: a full blown, Chuck Lorre-style, sitcom (or maybe Cheers, if Jar Jar takes a Sam-esque role a former minor celebrity opening a bar) complete with laugh-track and three-camera set. Jar Jar doesn't have to be a senator in this one. I'd be happy with one episode as a holiday special proof-of-concept--but I'd also take Three Broke Gungans with five years of 22-episode seasons. Sebulba makes frequent guest appearances as Jar Jar's nemesis.

The other "show" we wanted is less of a show and more of a missed opportunity for The Clone Wars that we'd like to see revisited:

Dexter Jettster's Diner

How did we get 7 seasons of The Clone Wars without seeing Obi-wan's buddy and his diner? Why was there never a scene where Obi-wan went there to relax? It could still happen--so let's manifest that. But imagine what could have been in Season 7:

Ahsoka, just gone from the Jedi order, is trying to make her way in Coruscant's underworld, and finds herself in a diner late at night, eating comfort food. The proprietor, a friendly older Besilisk, lends her a sympathetic ear as she tells him a redacted version of her story: she used to have a home, she used to have family, but she was lied about and betrayed, and no one believed her--they all believed her accuser and no one listened to her. Dexter tells her at the end, when he's trying to give her some comfort:

"Well, it's like I always say, lying only works if you believe it. What your friend told your family might have been true... from a certain point of view."

[The point of this anecdote is the rueful tears of fans--but, more seriously, what is Star Wars without way too many callbacks? If you're going to revisit Dexter Jettster--and they should--shouldn't he be tied to Obi-wan?]

[loonarii]

MADE IN KOREA: EP. 1 (my thoughts on the tv show for that british kpop bg sm decided to do for some unknown reason)

So if you didn't hear, SM Entertainment is the latest kpop company to dip their toes into the concept of a western kpop group - we had VCHA from JYP and their show A2K, KATSEYE from HYBE with their show Dream Academy (and I believe upcoming Netflix docu-series?), and now we have 'Dear Alice' from SM with the show 'Made In Korea: The K-Pop Experience'. Unlike the previous two groups, Dear Alice is a boy group, and are specifically all British, whereas the girls of VCHA and KATSEYE are from all over the world. As your local british kpop stan with access to BBC iPlayer (where this show is streaming) I decided to watch and drop my thoughts on the show and see if its any good, basically.

Right off the bat, the pitch to SM was clearly: 'we will make you a new One Direction' - like you can easily pick out of the lineup who is supposed to be Harry and Zayn and so on. It's not a stupid idea because after South Korea, the UK is probably the biggest exporter of music groups beloved internationally, but I doubt whether kpop stans will take to this well. At least they are promoting this on the BBC, directly to the UK, which is presumably their target audience.

They keep calling this whole thing an 'experiment' which it obviously is, but the higher ups at SM seems to be very on edge about the whole thing - after the groups first performance to Heejun (the director basically) she called a fucking emergency meeting with the SM team and the british producers - there generally seems to be a lack of confidence in the success of the group.

In the beginning of the episode they briefly mention (but for the most part gloss over) the audition process for this show, claiming they chose the five boys for their talents in singing and dance. Throughout the episode though it becomes apparently clear though that they (in the nicest way possible) don't really hold a candle to the debuted idols from SM. The whole show is based on this 'make a british kpop group in 100 days' gimmick, but the truth of the matter is you need a lot more than 100 days to become idol level good at dancing and singing - most idols train for 2 years minimum, some upwards of 6. I have no idea why they didn't choose boys with more preexisting skill in the audition process, or just give them longer to train - perhaps there could've been a bootcamp for a month before the going to korea bit to build basic skills - none of the 5 seem to be overly familiar with the kpop industry and it seems that pretty much all of their context as to what is expected of an idol is drawn from the SMTOWN concert they attended before their training began. They came off as quite unprepared, and Heejun's harsh comments to them in their evaluation clearly came as bit of a surprise to them. It is only episode one though, so i think if anything, now they know the level they are supposed to be at.

All of them apparently have a background in theatre or dance in some capacity (one of them is a tiktoker... ok) but only Dexter and maybe Reese struck me as having much aptitude for kpop dancing, but again it is only episode one so I'll cut them a little bit of slack. They struggled a lot with coordination and accuracy, but from my perspective as a dancer myself and kpop stan, the dance they learned to their song 'Feel the Vibe' (we will get to that don't worry lol) was not what I would call hugely difficult?? the members other than Dexter lacked a lot of fluidity but none of them were awful and I think with a lot more training they could be quite good. Olly seemed to struggle a lot with the dance, and there was some chatter from the producers that members could be cut, and if I had to guess anyone right now to be dropped (momentarily, I'm assuming anyone they kick is going to pull a Momo and be brought back) it would be him.

The song 'feel the vibe' is like.. what you would get if you asked an AI to spit out a 'boy group song' - it has a little bit of RIIZE energy so I wouldn't be surprised if this was an abandoned demo of theirs, but it also feels a little kidz bop? lmao? It's fine basically, not very exciting but not totally unlistenable. My main concern is that its quite a high song especially in the chorus, and the boys seem to struggle to hit the notes. Giving them a song that is out of almost all of their ranges is kind of setting them up to fail especially when they had a week only to learn it. Their poor vocal performance also explains why Heejun was so unconfident in this groups success - SM is is the kpop company known for its vocalists, being able to sing like Ningning or Taeyeon may not be necessary to succeed and debut in other big companies, but in SM vocals are crucial. Again they did only have a week, so at the very least potential is there.

They did a lot of b-roll content of them seeing the sights of Seoul, they did a gangnam style bit (god help me) met with Shindong (...), met RIIZE and TEN of WayV etc etc which was cool i guess - i hope this is a mainstay in the series and not just an introductory element.

Overall the show is not boring by any means, if a little cringey at times, my only concern is that the group that will emerge on the other side will not be up to par? I guess we will see.

[nyaagolor]

Hear me out: Pawmot as a physical service Pokémon

I loveeeeee this concept. Here’s some assorted headcanons abt it bc that’s how I organize my thoughts :)

- Pawmot’s size lends itself really well to a service pokemon. It’s bipedal, which means it can walk around with its trainer without taking up too much space, and small enough to be allowed indoors / in tight spaces without fear of breaking things. It’s also a pretty decent size to sit in the average adult’s lap, so it’s a really great pokemon to take to places like theaters or on planes

- Because Pawmot are bipedal and have hands, they often assist with mobility, but also tasks that require more dexterity. They have the strength (due to being a fighting type) to maneuver and lift most adults as well as carry heavy objects or clear a path for their trainer, but also the fine motor skills to assist with everyday tasks like opening pill bottles, picking up dropped items, opening doors, etc. Your pawmot can set up a folding wheelchair but also carry a motorized one

- Their electric type also makes them ideal for those with electronic / battery powered mobility aids because Pawmot can recharge them if the need arises! I like to think Pawmot are a really common Paldean pokemon center pokemon for this reason— Paldea has very large wilderness areas and access to electricity is important for many, so there’s always a Pawmot at the most remote outposts to make sure your hearing aids or rotom phone keep their charge

- not service related but they’re the ideal size to wear clothes, so most service Pawmots have cute little jackets! some people give them bows or hats also. Around Glaseado, you’ll often see them in cute little parkas. Dapper little fellows :)

- Pawmot can and likely does function as a pretty good overall physical service pokemon, but in my mind where Pawmot could really shine is as a pokemon for those with muscular disorders. Aside from assisting with everyday asks for people with tremors, Pawmot can also use its dual typing to act as a living theragun, combining electricity and pressure to reduce spasms, stimulate / quiet nerves, and provide relief to those with muscular issues or chronic pain

- Personally I think Pawmot’s ability to control electricity and administer it to other species with a high level of control and contact makes it a really great electric type service pokemon. Because the electricity comes from its hands, there’s less chance of stray sparks, and I think a trained Pawmot could likely administer electrical stimulation to the right places just based on its trainer’s behavior. This makes it a more ideal choice compared to other electric rodents, since their sparks are from their cheeks and the chance of stray sparks is way higher

- Also just because of their whole defibrillator theme, I think they’re also an ideal choice for anyone with cardiovascular issues. I like to think they’re very attuned to the electrical signals and sound of heartbeats and can act as an alert if there’s a cardiac emergency. Plus, revival blessing and their electric capabilities allows them to restart or readjust pacemakers at any time or correct irregular heart rhythms

All in all TOTALLY AGREED ANON I LOVE THIS IDEA

[athena-xox]

Hi! I've been wanting to send asks for a while but couldn't think of a good question until recently.

I have three questions (or perhaps I should say headers).

One: How's your rewrite progressing? At what stages is cannon altered? Are there going to be concepts/characters ignored entirely?

Two: I've seen your (humorous) plea for long/multi chapter eah fics what are some of the favorite's you've read already? Any chance you have an idea of your own outside the rewrite? long or short (chances are yes, for literally anyone in this fandom but it bears asking).

Three: What fairytale(s) would you

A: Like to repeat

B: Could functionally thwart if you had to live through it.

C: Die in, or flee the land to avoid at all cost's.

Omg love the questions. I will admit I’m a bit to brain dead to fully comprehend all the questions so if I answer I different question that what you intended feel free to correct me.

With that being said, the first chapter of my rewrite is done and basically fully edited I believe it’s around 6000/7000 words. Chapter two hadn’t been edited but it’s kinda a weird one so it doesn’t really need to be edited and it’s only around 2000 words.

Chapter 3 I’ve written a bit of it and it’s also a short and I have a layout for it. And chapter 4 is going to be on the longer side probably 6000-10000 words. But after those are done and edited hopefully I’ll publish the fic!!

So that’s the progress, for what parts of canon are being altered, I think a lot of characterization. Bunny, Alistair, Crystal, Milton Grimm, Snow White & EQ are all characters who were either portrayed as good or morally grey that I’m going to make evil (whoops spoilers) and then also kitty isn’t really going to have a redemption arc like she did in spring unsprung, she’s just going to continue to chaotically be herself.

And then just every plotline / character will just be slightly more mature and in depth. And it depends on how you see canon because the rewrite is going to be a mix the tv series + the books which vary a bit on canon. And then obviously a lot more queer representation.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that the epic winter arc is being disgraced but it’s going througu many changes. I’ll probably get ride of the whole through the woods concept because it doesn’t really add anything to the plot (although I am adding a musical that doesn’t really do anything for the plot except allow be to geek (theatre kid) out and give us some cute dizzie moments).

I really want to include her but I don’t think there’s going to be any room for Bella sister. Other things from canon that I’m not including is darise, Meeshell being a horrible singer, DARABELLA, Maddie having visions, the snow king, cupids crush on dexter, the revealer rays, probably lots more but I can’t think of them.

Onto the next question I definitely have some fic recs. I’ll probably make a separate post for it but my top 2 are rewrite ignite restart and a legacy of brambles and thorns.

I think the reason why I’m actually commuting to the rewrite is because it’s really the only eah fic I want to write since I plan to hopefully cover all the characters and ships I like. In my past fandoms I’ve had like 20 different fics I wanted to write but I never got a around to all or them.

Oh wait actually I guess I have one idea but I doubt I’ll ever write it since I want to focus on the rewrite. But during my transition stage from the mlb fandom to the eah I was thinking about an au. Either the eah characters with miraculous’s in the real world or mlb characters at ever after. 

Okay and for the last questions im assuming you’re asking which fairytales I’d like to 1. Be a part of 2. Don’t want to be a part of and I could stop it 3. Would have to run away from ?

1. When I was little I had the yearbook thing that had you create your own eah character and I always wanted to be a princess so I made myself goose girl

2. Definitely wouldn’t want to be like Jack in the beanstalk so I just wouldn’t take the beans

3. Sleeping beauty was my fav when I was younger so I definitely wouldn’t want to have Faybelles destiny. Or be an ugly sister, that would kill my self esteem (no wonder Bella and Brutta ran away)

For the last 3 questions I wasn’t sure if you were asking all abt me or if any were for my rewrite.

Anyways tysm for the ask !!

[relleytrots]

Character Build: Nosferatu Pugilist

As usual, this started with someone's innocent request on Reddit that activated the horrid part of my brain which enjoys NUMBERS and the fiddling therewith. It has been a month since I saw the post, a month in which I have Let Myself Go A Bit, and as such I don't know if that person even needs the help any more, but what the hell, this is fun.

In accordance with the Method, we begin with Attributes. Thankfully we have a nice clear concept to work with and an idea of what's going to make this 'un shine. Walloping four dots straight into Strength, we give three each to Dexterity (for not getting hit back) and Stamina (for eating the hits when we do), with the final three going into Wits (for being quick off the mark when it's time to hit people). The one-dot dump stat here will be Intelligence - pretty stereotypical but sometimes that's no bad thing.

There isn't necessarily a clear map of premade professional packages to concept here, but I think Junkie is pretty close. Character who knows what they're doing with their fists, knows their way around the under-the-counter off-the-books boxing scene, and has been mixed up in a few scams in their time. That gives us Brawl and Streetwise at three dots, Insight and Subterfuge at two.

For Life Events, this character's probably been beaten down a couple of times, so I think Illness (and thus Medicine) is appropriate. Maybe this is my Snatch-with-fangs instinct talking, but they've also probably had to balance their own books to make a living out of this, so let's give them Finance.

Hobbies? They'll have to stay fit, so Athletics (also helps in combat) and Survival (I see this character as potentially a bit outdoorsy). I'm also giving them a point in Performance with a free specialty like "sell the match" to represent a bit of ringside theatrics.

While a specialist has a lot to recommend them for new players, I think we need to go generalist with this character to get our essential workaday skills in: Drive, Animal Ken, Intimidation, Awareness and so on. These should always be tailored to what kind of chronicle you're going to be in, and have half an eye on Predator Type, but I've gone with what I think the character would need if I were Storytelling for them. I've put the standard free specialty in Athletics (Self Defence) for more in the ol' dodge pool.

The request didn't specify a tier of operation, so I'm going to roll with fledgling. Blood Potency 1, 13th generation, and three Discipline dots to do something with. As usual, we have half an eye on Predator Type at this point since that free dot in one Discipline can go a lot further if we want it to, and we may be able to add another dimension to the character with an unusual choice. Alleycat seems like the obvious one, with an extremely useful specialty for Brawl and a free dot in Potence, but I'm going to make an argument for Scene Queen (if you want to put more of a social spin on the character) or Extortionist (to really lean into that criminal connotation).

Any of these give you Potence 3 at the off, with the odd dot going into either Obfuscate (where I'd personally favour Silence of Death) or Animalism (either of the level 1 powers is good, but I actually really rate Sense the Beast as a "who in this room is a threat?" roll). If you went for Alleycat, Relentless Grasp synergises very well with how you hunt and sets you up for a monstrous Brutal Feed.

I've gone for a slightly more open build here, with Extortionist as the Predator Type and a Potence setup focused on rolling lots of dice when you hit someone and being able to smash basically anything with enough ramp up time. A manager/fixer who can sort you out with anything as a three dot Contact, and a professional rival and their manager as an Enemy (or the polis, as is tradition, if you want more Second Inquisition potential).

As a Nosferatu you have the Repulsive Flaw just for turning up, and I can see some nice two pointers that might work here. Illiterate if you want to ham up the "low Intelligence no Academics" aspect of the character, Hopeless Addiction for a bit of "how did it come to this?" tragedy, Bondslave or Known Blankbody if you're into specific problems with your Kindred relationships or being hunted. Loads you can do with these. I've kept it simple: Illiterate. Keenly numerate, but absolutely not reading for pleasure or retaining any book smarts.

I've opted for a wide spread of Merits at low levels - one dot each in Resources, Fame, Mawla, Status, Herd and Haven, representing a character who's established on both sides of the Masquerade, but hardly big news. The odd dot can go into a Domain upgrade, or into something nice for your Haven (I went for Watchmen, the idea of this character as a gang enforcer with a posse really hits for me).

15 XP to burn, and the obvious thing to buy here is Obfuscate 2 (Silence of Death and Unseen Passage), but I'd rather leave this open in case any of those Skills want a fillip.

That was fun. I always enjoy doing these so please, if you have a concept and you want some numbers thrashed around it, my askbox is always open. Especially while I'm trying to detox from my BG3 addiction.

[tenjad129]

Now, about the movie epic of my dreams...

Well, considering that I'm always working hard or even trying to draw all kinds of inspirations from both art and life and fashioned any of them all into some lifelong dream movie epic of mine, there may also be three big major influences -- in addition to my actual life and childhood experiences and especially my love of the mighty Mesozoic beasts of prehistoric times called dinosaurs -- that might bear down on the research and development, writing, and especially the making of the movie epic of my lifelong dreams, which I'm trying to work on in any way, shape, form and means imaginable either since I was in high school or even since I was a little kid:

And, those three films that I'm talking about and in question may well be Steven Spielberg, Phil Nibbelink and Simon Wells' wacky and enjoyable comedy western, An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (1991), Cartoon Network and Genndy Tartakovsky's 1999 one hour made for television animated feature film Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip (TV, 1999) and James Cameron's 3-D CGI-laden science fiction epic blockbuster, AVATAR (2009), respectively.

Now, it might always and forever be very incredibly dangerous for even someone like you to read one's movies, artwork, writing, etc. especially such as mine's, in a much more biographical light, and even most fiction narrative films are, after all, just that: they're all fictions!

And yet, if I were to even pull off my dream movie epic very successfully, then whoever I truly am as a person, and especially my most authentic stuff, might hopefully come out, believe it or not, if and when I ever make or direct or even write a movie of my dreams and to my very specific liking. The film of my dreams that I really wanted to make, write, and/or direct far along, after all, may not be a small low budget indie art house film, and especially a rough and profane R-Rated one like 1994's Clerks or a comic book-derived superhero epic movie like 2012's The Avengers or 2008's earlier The Dark Knight or let alone, a modern horror film like 2017's Get Out or even a gross out R-Rated comedy like 2007's Superbad. And all those may not be who I really am.

And whatever ultimate title, shape and form that my dream movie epic will assume in the end, and that most especially includes 'Planet of the Toons', it is going to be about people, young or otherwise old, and of real living flesh and blood or even fantastic beings made out of living cartoon ink and paint (as in the living (car)toons of the world of Who Framed Roger Rabbit), especially like these six cartoon characters above, who have to go on a great adventure of some sort in order to save the day as far as the things and fellow beings and creatures that he or she loved or cherished so much.

And even if my movies could ever reflect my own views, or even if the movies could ever reflect on them in turn, then either way is always fine with me.

I mean, many of my dream movie ideas and concepts are supposed to be adventure stories or even hero's journey narratives, especially of a bizarre or unusual sort or something, and filled with a sense of fantasy and wonder that's never been seen since or even outside of the original three Star Wars films from 1977 to 1983, maybe, but most especially the first 1977 Star Wars and its 1980 sequel The Empire Strikes Back, and so I never even made a secret about my affection towards older films, from Disney's 1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and MGM's 1939 The Wizard of Oz all the way up to James Cameron's AVATAR movie from 2009.

After all, I really would love to one day see, and I especially would one day love to see get made or funded or written down on some paper somewhere, a movie, and especially an epic movie, or even a happily ever after kind of epic, where any or everybody on the side of good and light and love -- even a walking, talking, and cute hand drawn 2d animated cartoon mouse, rabbit, bird, cat, or dog -- prevails against those on the side of evil and darkness and tyranny -- and especially against the dreaded and fearsome evil forces of a jealous and tyrannical hand drawn 2d animated cartoon nerd like the Mandark as he appears in Dexter's Laboratory's Ego Trip television special.

Now, my typical human hero, most often a young man or even a teenage boy, the latter type of whom ostensibly prefers trying to attract the opposite sex (and very attractive teenage girls, in particular) or perhaps even seeking out absolutely nothing but sex, drugs, alcohol, or especially property destruction or damage (all of which just so happened to be the very timeless classic staples of many a typical teen comedy movie, anyway), is summoned to a special world and to embark on a great adventure of his life, when, especially in the form of a very long distance outer space phone call paid to him by both a heroic cartoon cowboy mouse (as in the Fievel Goes West version of Fievel Mousekewitz himself) and a very lovely and very beautifully pretty saloon girl mouse (as in the Fievel Goes West version of Fievel's sister Tanya Mousekewitz as she is seen and voiced in that AAT:FGW movie by Cathy Cavadini of the Powerpuff Girls fame) on another Earth-like world or something, invites him and two other real human beings over to help them and their ally, a short, immortal being that bears a striking resemblance to a certain 90s cartoon boy genius, wrest back control of the latter being's ancient prized invention (which enables its user to control the entire universe for good or for evil) from a dreaded and fearsome Dark Lord being that also, in turn, bears a very striking resemblance to a certain bitter, jealous and tyrannical rival cartoon kid nerd to said certain cartoon boy scientist, and who had gain control of the boy genius' ideas, concepts and inventions long, long ago when said special world was still young.

Each plot just like this should create some situation in which a heraldic call to adventure is virtually demanded for the receiver of the call to either accept or refuse, with little or no apology necessary.

Now, Luke Skywalker of the 1977 Star Wars movie fame usually needed a whole lot of training and guidance from both Jedi Knight and Clone Wars veteran Obi Wan "Ben" Kenobi as well as The Empire Strikes Back's Jedi Master Yoda in order for Luke himself to become a Jedi Knight just like his dad (who later turned out to be Anakin Skywalker, aka Darth Vader, in the aforementioned Empire Strikes Back and by the end of 1983's Return of the Jedi) before him, or perhaps or maybe not all of the characters that I am writing about or am currently attempting to write about; maybe all that any, or even some, of my characters that I'm trying to write about may want is some kind of excuse for them to embark on some great adventure in that very great big huge somewhere out there, even if it turn out to be another planet just like Earth but many light years away from our Earth in outer space, and to save the day from surely utter disruption, and some of the excuses may abound:

Somewhere in my story treatment still in progress so far (as of late) for the epic of the Planet of the Toons, to give you just one example, the Fievel Goes West version of Tanya may have just fulfilled her quest not just for show business, but also to sing a song or two to the whole, entire world (of Ten'Jad, by the way) at large when she gets to sing one song to a saloon packed full of hungry cartoon cats, and maybe when her own brother, Fievel the cowboy mouse, tries to get his pretty and lovely saloon show girl mouse sister out of the saloon, having escaped being eaten by an outlaw spider man thing named T.R. Chula, maybe Tanya might be very kind enough for herself and Fievel to seek out and call up the full sized human ally of their shared dreams who, according to the prophecy in my movie ideas, they will join forces with to help the local residential (and maybe immortal) boy scientist Dexter (of Dexter's Laboratory fame) end the long reign of terror of the boy genius' wicked rival and Ten'Jad's local and residential Dark Lord, Mandark (of Dexter's Laboratory's Ego Trip television special infamy) in order for Dexter to also wrest back control of his long ago prized invention from his rival...and sure enough, the two cute heroic cowboy and pretty saloon girl brother and sister mice will finally find one that wil lcome in the name, shape and form of a teenage boy from Earth named David Joseph Zarus, who in my story lives in a similar kind of place to the one that this writer grew up in (i.e., near the outskirts of Annapolis in Anne Arundel County, Maryland, USA).

Anyway, as far as the dark corners of the internet and/or especially, some fans and professionals in the animation and/or film entertainment industries or communities are really concerned, the situation may be much more complicated, and my current one from the heart dream movie epic story/idea/concept/project, Planet of the Toons, may play a key role even if it ever get written down, developed, produced, made or funded, especially. For if any of you, and anybody still interested, especially those outside the internet, just happen to read my story treatment one day, especially if it's about what takes place when the three astronauts and their pet animal mascot join forces with the three cute boy and girl mice (Fievel, Tanya and Yasha Mousekewitz), the rascally rabbit (Bugs Bunny), the greedy crazy bird (Daffy Duck) and the immortal or so little boy genius-like being (Dexter) on a questing journey to ensure that one of the astronauts (David Zarus) and two of the boy and girl mice (Fievel and Tanya Mousekewitz) fulfill an ancient, local prophecy stating that the two mice and one full sized young human guy from the stars team up to do away with the evil reign of terror of a certain wicked rival cartoon kid-like nerd (Mandark) of a certain little cartoon boy-like scientist (Dexter)'s and save the planet and the universe, it's going to be, hopefully, one of the greatest and most extraordinary adventure stories that ever will be put between the covers of a book or especially between the first and last reels of a full-length feature film. And maybe I am still fixated on the methodology of how to make a paying and moviegoing audience feel immersed in the same kind of great adventure that these three humans and these assorted walking, talking and cute cartoon boy and girl mice, rabbit, duck, and boy genius-like being are going through on another Earth-like planet as they journey to the faraway castle of the latter's rival to do away with Dexter's rival's crooked evil and treachery. So all this really isn't going to be about 'I want to vex the professional worlds of film and animation, and especially to vex the world of the internet to the point of all three worlds banding together to try to very brutally suppress or even censor my efforts or especially my works of art,' and I just don't think I ever intended to make something extremely controversial at all, even if I may not very much be prepared for just any uproarious reaction to my work and ideas and concepts.

And gee, talk about possibly wandering blindfolded into a very incredibly dangerously live minefield! And even if it is that true, then, maybe I may have been preternaturally naïve and behaving nothing more or less better than some arrested kind of adolescent child breathtakingly trying to ignore or be breathtakingly ignorant of the whole, entire world around me at large, when all around me and my family will be all chaos and fire all over again!

And either I may succeed above and beyond anyone's wildest dreams and mine's, or else. I may otherwise succeed all too well in bringing that very great and extraordinary adventure on the faraway planet of the toons to life on the big screen (or especially in IMAX or something), depending on one's view: either way, I may turn the rivalry between the two cartoon child scientists Dexter and Mandark, both past and future, as depicted in the Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip television special plus especially the real world plight of Fievel's own mouse family, The Mousekewitzes of Don Bluth and Steven Spielberg's American Tail and Amblimation's Fievel Goes West fame, into a more timeless and classic and epic struggle of good versus evil set on another planet just like our Earth that would have given the likes of James Cameron, George Lucas, or even J.R.R. Tolkien, a run for their money, especiall,y while also doing my best in avoiding, deleting, or even eliminating most any references to the Fievel Mousekewitz character's real world struggles and plight, his religious faith and heritage, his social class status, and/or especially the Fievel character's native and adopted cinematic homelands on our Earth (which may be unsurprising given recent turbulent events involving many parts of our world as of late and which may lead to the impending decline, fall, destruction, collapse, ruin and very calamitous end of U.S. American history and civilization, thereby affecting Western civilization and Western world history in turn in the very long run), thereby locating the worlds of Fievel and his friends and fellow mice and especially that of Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd and even that of Dexter, Mandark and Dee Dee safely in the world of Ten'Jad, a fictional, distant and faraway planet that'll be just like our Earth, complete with woodland forests,. a warm-cold or temperate climate and naturally breathable air (thankdully for us humans coming from Earth, especially), but lit by two suns by day and one moon by night and by virtue of being many light years far away from our planet. For example, in my Planet of the Toons treatment somewhere, the reason why the Mousekewitz family and young Fievel moves to a faraway free land among a free people (America on our Earth; Icamer on Ten'Jad) may be Fievel's house getting burned down not in a hate-based move or in an anti-Semitic pogrom, but in some rampaging fire-breathing dragon attack, and also because the chief villain, Mandark, tries to seek a way to quash a prophecy that will see Fievel and Tanya team up with a human from across the stars to stop him and bring down his evil empire!

Now, in the show Dexter's Laboratory, Mandark is usually Dexter's rival neighbor, but in my whole run of stories or story ideas and concepts, especially Planet of the Toons, he can basically be like the Dark Lord, Sauron, the mostly absent title villain in The Lord of the Rings -- and complete with a volcanic lair, even though the irony may be that all of this may well be sort of possible in canon because of the cartoon show's very fantastical nature.

But speaking of very literal evil toons besides such villains as Mandark himself, anyway, here is an 13-second edit of the infamous Coachman character from Walt Disney's 1940 magnum opus Pinocchio hissing very evilly that any of those boys going to some spooky place such as Pleasure Island will "never come back as BOYS!", only instead showing the character's best scary face (for fear of causing any more nightmares), I had Elmer Fudd, Fievel and Tanya Mousekewitz as well as Honest John the Fox and Gideon the Cat beholding the Coachman turning himself into Samurai Jack's even more demonic enemy Aku:

Anyway, even if my dream work on Planet of the Toons may attract the notorious attention of the dark corners of the internet, I am still subject to criticism, constructive or otherwise, as a storyteller, criticism as an artist, criticism as an American, and even criticism as a person, and I will forgive them all, but as far as the internet trying to make me some weird online cult wacko like Chris Chan (whom I may have heard about before, whom I'd still rather condemn for their beastly and monstrous behavior, and who had a very constant series of run ins with the rule of law and with many authorities throughout their life!), enough is ENOUGH! All I have to do otherwise is go and pray.

Maybe in the foreseeable future, one of the first things I'll ever do when everything's all said and done about my Planet of the Toons movie epic thing one of these days is to call anyone interested or even especially any of those among the film and animation industry professionals and say "look, I know you're super sensitive to things that you perceive may deviate from the source material -- because that person among the film and animation industry professionals or even an internet user may be railing to me or you about this and that deviating too much from the source -- but please watch it and give me notes or something." And maybe I shall actively try to get people, especially film and animation industry professionals, to tell me if anything deviates, however too much, from the source material, but what I don't like is people trying to suppress and censor me and my works of art, and all of that will rile me up otherwise!

Anyway, I don't think anyone on the internet should really seem to know what really, ultimately makes me tick, especially as a person, but anyway, all roads for me could lead all the way back to my parents and to my family. And I'm very much a product of my mom and dad and a literal human mutt, granted I have Scottish, English, German, and/or even Eastern European ancestors on my dad's and my mom's sides. Now, we love our parents, and they can do no wrong, and if they teach us either lies and/or truths, it either begets a tremendous conflict and/or even a tremendous boon in our lives.

And finally, last but not least, if even you delve into all that, you'll still learn a lot of things about me, especially.

That's all, folks! So as to quote Porky Pig.

P.S. Since Christmas is coming, I'll leave all of you with a very special Christmas card from the Planet of the Toons featuring An American Tail's Fievel Mousekewitz, Tanya Mousekewitz and Yasha Mousekewitz (or raather specifically, the Fievel Goes West incarnations of all three cartoon boy and girl mice), Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck of Looney Tunes fame, and the Dexter the Boy Genius from Dexter's Laboratory, despite Dexter ending up being a very naughty boy as demonstrated in the notorious Dexter's Laboratory Christmas episode, 1998's Dexter vs. Santa's Claws as well as a surprised but very happy real kid, all below this post for your very own Yuletide holiday festive enjoyment:

[squish36-writes-and-draws]

17 November: Unraveling

Word count: 1385

TW: Swearing

General Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0nly @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously

@poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @corruption-exe @rusted-phone-calls

@when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes

@callum-hunt-is-bisexual @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @sillyguy-supreme

@void-kill @thefoxysnake @the-pre-quiz

Unraveling Project Specific Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed/upgraded): @cutebisexualmess @crippling-pages @daizythegreat @sophiefostersno1stan @iggydancebreak

@theleopardstalker @you-will-meet-your-downfall @multi-fandom-lunatic

On Ao3 or below the cut!

First (3 November) / Previous / Next

A Script of a Video from Florent's YouTube Channel

    Alrighty, everybody. Being that I am chronically on the internet and I expect that you are as well, I take it we’re all familiar with the concept of flower shop AUs. If you aren’t, well, maybe you should preserve your sanity because one second you’re reading a cute little story about these deeply traumatized characters opening up a flower shop together and the next you know way too much about the Omegaverse. Don’t look that up.  I don’t need you to be scarred for life too. 

    Today’s topic isn’t really going to be connected to fanfic, but I needed a way to hook you into the video because let’s be fucking honest, approximately none of you are going to willingly click on a video about the history of plants. You can make your self-inserts have a crisis over the fact that Stegosaurus never saw a flower. It’s very sad. I’m sad. 

    Where I’d like to start today is with the Great Oxidation Event. It actually killed, like, everything, so it’s kind of significant in the course of Earth’s history. This was over two billion years ago—I better not see Young Earth Creationists in my comment section. Go away. Humans and dinosaurs did not coexist unless you count birds as dinosaurs but then again birds are just government spies so they aren’t real either—but essentially the whole thing with the Great Oxidation Event is that some microbes figured out how to do photosynthesis, realised it was good for making food, and then they pumped so much oxygen into the atmosphere that everything fucking died. 

    So, uh, that’s why we have oxygen in the atmosphere now, which is kind of a nice thing to have in general, I’d say. The really cool thing is that we have fossils, called stromatolites, of these microbes from that long ago. Like, we have a spotty record of multicellular life, but these biofilms of cyanobacteria managed to survive two billion years. So much has to be missing from the fossil record. 

    The next stop on our journey is a lot nearer to us. In the Devonian period, which ranged from about 420 million years ago to 360 million years ago, instead of having forests of plants like we’re used to, there were giant fungi, like Prototaxites. I know what you’re thinking and I refuse to comment. The Devonian is also home to what is currently the oldest known tree, Wattesia. Before that, it was Archaeopteris, which definitely isn’t confusing when put next to Archaeopteryx, a genus midway through the transition from dinosaurs to birds that lived during the Jurassic. 

    The Devonian ended in a mass extinction before giving way to the Carboniferous. Most of the coal that we’re using to cause next mass extinction is from the Carboniferous, mostly because there were a lot of fucking trees. Like, so many trees that by the end of the period the oxygen levels were around 35%, which is quite a lot compared to today’s 21%. Trees were having a good time. 

    Insects were also having a good time. The increased oxygen levels means that they could get a whole lot bigger and at the same time figured out how to do flight, which is good for them and bad for my mental health. Just to take a couple of examples we have the genus Meganeura, a dragonfly with a wingspan of a meter and the genus Arthropleura, which was a myriapod taller than me. 

    I am aware that I am short. However, that is still heinous bullshit and I shall not stand for it. 

    On the arthropod front, there’s a clade of spiders known as the Mesothelae featured in Walking with Monsters and it was the size of a cat. I don’t want to be here anymore. Let us move on to the Permian for about thirty seconds. 

    In the Permian, everything died. A lot. More than the dinosaur asteroid that I’m sure all of you know about. Plants died a little bit less than most things, but it was still generally not a good time. While we’re here though, I want to talk about Glossopteris. Now, all of you are looking at this and going, “that just looks like a leaf,” and, yeah, it is. But its fossils were used as evidence towards proving tectonic plates, which I think is pretty cool. I’d also like to mention Lepidodendron, which lived during both the Carboniferous and Permian and has been mistaken as being an imprint fossil of a large reptile’s skin. No. It’s just a tree with some funny-looking bark to our modern eyeballs. And, to round off this trifecta, we had conifers first appear during the Permian. 

    And now let’s jump forward to the Cretaceous. This is the one with most of the dinosaurs you know. As an audience retention strategy, I want you to come up with a list of your ten favourite dinosaurs. Unless you’re a dinosaur aficionado purposely trying to be difficult to invalidate the accuracy of my point, you’re probably going to name at least a couple that are from the Cretaceous.

    The Cretaceous is also where angiosperms, flowering plants, went absolutely buck fucking wild. Like, today angiosperms make up 90% of the living plant species on Earth. And you know what else first appeared? Well, technically it’s a flowering plant, so I’ve already covered it but, like, the concept of Earth without grass is completely absurd to my little brain. I’m sure the ecological niche was covered by other things, but the fact that most of human society exists because we domesticated grasses in the form of wheat, corn, and rice and that only appeared during the Cretaceous is not something I want to comprehend.

    And that brings us mostly to today. I mean, there was probably an asteroid in there, but I also don’t care very much about the Paleogene. It’s close enough to modern day to not be as interesting as the older periods. It’s just slightly weird. I mean, there was the family Chalicotheriidae, which looks kind of funny, I guess. 

    What does all of this mean though? Why did I bother doing all of this? Was it so that you could copy and paste what I said into your Flower Shop AU I definitely didn’t cause to start existing at the beginning of this video so you spent the last ten minutes writing instead of watching my shit editing skills? No. It’s because I know too much shit about plants and I need to tell other people about them or I’m going to be even more of a menace to society than I already am. 

    I also think that it’s important to think about plants in the context of geologic history because so much of the space is taken up by dinosaurs, and that’s kind of a shame. I’m not advocating for less dinosaurs; I just want to highlight that there are other things in the fossil record. There are people who stare at fossilized pollen all day. I’m not going to lie to you—I would sell my soul to do that. That sounds fun. I’d be so good at it, I promise. Let me see the pollen. You can trust me to not eat the rocks. 

    I definitely haven’t ever tried to eat a rock before. 

    Anyway—I’d like to thank all the people on Patreon who, for some reason, fund this mess, and if you’d like to join them for whatever reason, link in the description. I don’t know why I bother saying that. You know how YouTube works. You also know that YouTube likes it when you like, subscribe, and leave comments telling me about how I’m obviously wrong about everything ever. Genuinely though, I do appreciate the corrections you guys give me. I’m one guy here and sometimes I say stupid or stupidly worded shit. I can’t wait for the Latin scholars to tell me that I absolutely fucking butchered the scientific names. You all know who you are. In my defence, taxonomy is a dumpster fire and it’s not my fault that I’m treating it like it is. And, finally, I’d like to thank Keefe, who took the time out of his day to stare at me ominously while I was writing this script. I’m not concerned at all.

[clocks-are-round]

WHAT THE FUCK. After finding that last snippet I did more digging in my google docs. what the fuckk hahaha

it’s titled “april fools” from March 2022, so like exactly two years ago. i have cued it for the next April 1st

some things are best left unpublished but frankly i don’t like to take that much psychic damage and NOT inflict it on the next idly curious RvB fan.

i remember now, i was going to write a fic with the most bastardized fandomy takes on each character possible but i legitimately can’t tell if that psa was a real attempt at that or if i physically could not bring myself to (likely) and went for the easier to deal with ‘react to fandom’ instead

Prepare for lots of Donut innuendos

(it’s not actually that bad, i very much did back out of the initial concept immediately, it just caught me really off guard haha)

——

I’m going t o fucking c r y. this was pain to write. (first thing i wrote. haven’t even written the fic yet)

fandom cringe versions plZ i hate it

Simmons: ;w; anxiety boi

Grif: uwu sleepy boi

Caboose: owo can do no wrong boi

Donut: owo can do no wrong femboi

i don’t know if i can do this. holy shit. i know it’s for april fools but if it causes pain to write aren’t i the fool?

ImPorTaNt RvB PSA

Simmons: Hi everyone, I’m Dick Simmons from popular webseries Red vs Blue.

Grif: And I’m Dexter Grif from the same show.

Caboose: And I am Caboose

Simmons: … Hi Caboose.

Caboose: What are we talking about today?

Caboose: And now, the weather! Spoiler, it is rain.

Simmons: Uh… No idea how to segue that back. So, we’re supposed to read these fan stories. This first one is about me and Grif it looks like, and– Wait, wait what??

Grif: What? What is it, let me see. *starts laughing hysterically*

Simmons: *flustered* What is this mushy gushy romance stuff? I’d just– I’d just like to set the record straight that if I did hypothetically have feelings for a person that I knew I totally wouldn’t do that. I mean, pine for somebody? For a decade? That’s some bullshit, any self-respecting person would move on in that amount of time–

Lopez: [Honestly, you two are not subtle. Even I’ve noticed and I try my hardest to ignore you all.]

Grif: You would! You would act like that around a crush! Holy shit, they nailed you, Simmons!

Donut: Did someone say Donut?

Donut: Wait a minute! Fanfiction?? Those are my people! Let me host this one please please please? I’ll be the hostess with the mostest! I’ll put my Donut whole into it!

Simmons: Yeah, I need to go bleach my eyes, so be my guest.

Grif: And I just wanted to watch Simmons die as he read all this. It’s no fun if it’s you, Donut.

Donut: Well, I’m excited. I can’t wait to read how deep they’ve penetrated into you and Simmons’ relationship! Looks like you two are in a lot of these.

Simmons: Lalala I can’t hear you. I can’t hear anything and therefore do not need to respond to any awkward topics.

Donut: Ooh, they’re all romantic.

Grif: Oh god, yeah, let’s go.

Doc: Could I be co-host? I haven’t helped host one of these in forever!

Donut: I thought you didn’t like this kind of thing?

Doc: Well, we’re keeping it PG, I’ll be just fine.

Donut: Ehhhh

Doc: Donut. We’re keeping it PG, right? *O’Malley* I hope not. I’d like to see some carnage. Shut up, you fool. It’s fiction. *Doc* I didn’t say anything. *O’Malley* You were about to chastise me.

Donut: Depends… does PG stand for pornogr–

Doc: Donut! *O’Malley* Or pussy grande. *Doc* O’Malley! There’s way more out there than just smut! Even in the romance genre there are comedies, introspective pieces, adventure, slice-of-life, drama…

Donut: Well, yeah, but I figured we could do a little of everything.

Lopez: [Jesus christ, just choose one. I’m going to burn this anyways.]

Donut: Good idea, Lopez! Burn it to discs! We can send them out as audiobooks!

Lopez: [I meant in a fire.]

Donut: Yeah, it is a fire idea, Lopez. Jeez, now you’re just fishing for compliments. *clears throat*

Doc: We’re doing a “safe for work” one, right? *O’Malley mutters* You are a wet, wretched blanket. I hope you know that.

Donut: Yeah, yeah. Jeez. Now I have to clear my throat dramatically again! *clears throat*

——

you know what? fuck it. this is about in line with my other fake psas maybe i’ll complete it and post it on ao3. eventually. on an april 1st, naturally lol

[7-ate-9]

So yesterday I rewatched two documentaries on Woodstock 99, because I still think it’s possibly the most interesting thing to happen in recent history. A bunch of white boys in their late teens to early twenties becoming an actual real life Lord of the Flies. And I have many thoughts and no one to share them with, so I will shout them into the void that is tumblr.

First, Lord of the Flies. Anger and freedom and no responsibility or authority. It becomes chaos. And I was thinking about how sometimes when teachers teach the book, they do a sort of experiment where they leave the class alone and see if they go crazy, and they never do. And part of that is because Lord of the Flies is about privileged white boys. But another part of it is the conception of authority; even if the teacher isn’t there, they’re still an authority figure and kids aren’t going to just go wild. You often see the delinquent teens just going insane right in front of school staff, but teens aren’t like that. Maybe they used to be twenty or thirty or eighty years ago, but the truth is that most “delinquent” teens just don’t care.

Now for another main thought that mostly just makes me angry for no reason. Fred Durst. Annoying as all hell. I’ve never really listened to Limp Bizkit but every clip they used just grated on my ears. And everyone kept saying something along the lines of “Fred Durst was the voice of the people there.” And every time he spoke, and especially every time he sang or rapped, all I could think was that he sounded like a whiny little white boy. He looked like a whiny little white boy. He literally was whining into the microphone in a weird high-pitched voice about how today’s not a good day and he wants to break some shit. And this is the person everyone felt was relatable? No wonder it all fell apart the way it did.

Now, if we’re being honest, each Woodstock was kind of disastrous. The first Woodstock in 1969 is remembered as this great beautiful thing, but there were difficulties. Woodstock 94 was probably the best, which is saying something considering it made no profit. And 99 was… well.

And you have to wonder why. Coachella happens every year and doesn’t end in riots, unlike two of the three Woodstock festivals. Because there were some small riots at Woodstock 69. So what was it? Was it just the Michael Lang of it all? Was it the effects of the counter culture of the time?

And why is Woodstock 69 remembered as an idyllic dream, and 99 is remembered as Lord of the Flies come to life? Why did it end that way?

The way I see it is that Woodstock 69 was an event to bring people together who were united for a cause: ending US involvement in the Vietnam war. The festival was a response to the cause. There were people organizing a free food tent. There were people who’d brought their children. They were unified under the banner saying peace, love, and music. They were embracing a counter culture that was calling for peace.

Woodstock 99 wasn’t that. Michael Lang wanted to say it was for the cause of gun violence, but nobody was there for ending gun violence. In fact, a good portion of the people there probably didn’t give a single shit about it. They weren’t there for a cause, they were there for music. They didn’t give a shit about the cause. And most importantly, they were embracing a counter culture that was screaming their anger.

These people weren’t there for peace, they were there for rock music. There was no sense of authority. It was lawless and without repercussions. And that resulted in disaster. I won’t even touch on the rampant misogyny and superiority complexes and what that resulted in. All I’ll say is the Offspring frontman Dexter Holland saw it and addressed it to a quarter mil people, and it didn’t do shit.

There weren’t enough arrests made. These men turned into rioters, rapists, arsonists, and thieves, over the course of just three days. And you could spend another hundred years studying the psychology of it all and still not come up with one reason for the disaster. But it’s a part of history that shouldn’t be ignored, because Lord of the Flies came to life, exacerbated in its ferocity by rock music and 250,000 people. Just disappointing.

[bethanythebogwitch]

5e subclasses I wish were better

D&D 5e's subclass system is really cool and a great addition to the game. However, inevitably, some options will be better than others. There are several subclasses that have super cool flavor or potential that they don't live up to. I'm going to discuss several of them any some quick and dirty ideas on how they could be improved.

From the artificer we have the alchemist, which isn't a bad subclass, but I don't think it captures my fantasy of what an alchemist could be. It tries to be a hybrid of blaster and supporter and I think it falls short. I think the alchemist could benefit from having more customization options with the potions it creates and not having those potions be tied to a roll to see what you get. Something like a potion version of the artificer's replicate magic item feature would be nice, so they could make specific potions for the right circumstances. Like if you need to be sneaky but one member of the party is a tank in heavy armor with piss-poor dexterity, the alchemist could whip up a potion of cat's grace. Additionally, I think letting them make something like Minecraft's splash potions could be cool. They could throw a potion at an enemy to apply effects like blindness or vulnerability on them or throw them at allies to aid from distance. As is, I think the alchemist is just a worse life cleric with a few extra feature.

Barbarian has a few mediocre subclasses, but two I think do not match how cool they sound are the storm herald and the beast. The storm herald sounds so cool: a barbarian that channels the power and fury of a storm! What we got instead was basically a totem warrior but the choices are much less impactful. I think the fix for this one is to just power up the storm choices to make them more powerful and on par with other barbarians. The beast barbarian might be the most dissipointing for me. When I think of a beast barbarian I think of some werewolf: the apocalypse-style furious force of nature, and that is not what we got. I can sum up my problems with this barbarian in one sentence: if you want to make a character based around unarmed combat, the things they can do with unarmed combat need to be be equal to or better than what they dan do by picking up a weapon. The natural weapon options for the beast barbarian are all pretty mediocre. They are out-damaged by a great weapon, the healing you get from the teeth is pathetic, and the tail's reach is made obsolete by picking up a polearm. They also become even more obsolete when magic weapons come into play. I think the beast should be redesigned from the ground up to be useful, giving it actual werewolf powers that boost its damage and give it more utility. It is good at exploration though.

The whispers bard is really cool in concept, but I think it falls short, especially when compared to other bards. Its coolest feature is the ability to transform into someone who just died, but as written it's super limiting because you only keep the disguise for a long rest and the person has to die. What's worse is that any other bard can almost completely replicate this ability. Consider this: I play an eloquence bard and pick up disguise self and maybe speak with dead. I can now disguise myself as someone else whenever I want, learn about the person if they're dead, and since its basically impossible for eloquence bards to fail a persuasion/intimidation/deception check, nobody will figure out its a disguise without magic. And I get all the crazy good benefits of being an eloquence bard on top of that. Fixing the whispers bard would require making the disguises much better, maybe letting you assume a previous disguise whenever you want would help.

I think the spores druid suffers from trying to fill two roles and not being the best at either of the. It wants to be a front-line fighter and a necromancer at the same time, but isn't that good at necromancy and the moon druid beats it up and takes its lunch money at front-lining. I think the spores druid should have ignored the front-line aspects and gine all in on necromancy. The idea of a front-line druid is good, but it should be its own thing. To make it stand out from the moon druid, this druid could have ways to customize its combat forms and maybe get good armor and weapons, giving more flexibility than the moon druid gets.

I think the two worst fighters are the arcane archer and the purple dragon knight. The arcane archer isn't bad, but it is a worse version of another option. If you play a battle master and use a bow, you are a better arcane archer than the arcane archer. The arcane archer does get some abilities battle masters don't but battle masters get the additional benefit that if they get into a melee fight and have to use a sword, they don't immediately lose all their cool features. The purple dragon knight tries to be a support fighter, which is a cool, but the execution is awful because its support features are tied to other fighter features rather than being something they can just do. I think a commander style fighter who can give other characters orders and support them in battle would be awesome, but it would have to be redesigned from the ground up.

Mons in general need some major boosts. Unfortunately with onednd coming, I din't see us getting a book that does for monks what Tasha's did for rangers. One of the biggest problems can be seen when comparing monks to sorcerers. A sorcerer who runs out of sorcery points is still a perfectly good caster while a monk who runs out of ki points becomes vastly worse. I think to help the monk in general they should either get more ki points or a lot of features should be detached from ki points so they don't run out as fast. For example, you could remove flurry of blows as a feature entirely and instead give monks way more attacks. Lie they could start with 2 hit multiattack at lv 1 and scale fast from there. This would help keep ki points from running out as fast and free up the bonus action for other cool stuff. A lot of monk subclasses suffer from their core features also using ki points. This means that those features compete with flurry of blows and stunning strike for your ki point usage and will make you run out faster. Two subclasses that especially show this problem are the four elements and astral self. Both need to spend so much ki on using their cool new features that they'll run out so much faster than other monks, who can remain useful longer. I think that the four elements monk should get spell slots instead of spending ki on their spell-like effects and the astral self should be able to pull up their stand astral body for free. The sun soul and ascendent dragon also need to be redesigned from the ground up to not be complete ass.

For ranger I think all the subclasses except hunter are now good thanks to tasha's. I will say that the lore for the hunter is basically nonexistent and it and the monster slayer could be fused into one subclass and probably be better.

For rogues the inquisitive is just non-viable when used in any game i've run or played in because it relies on a style of investigation and investigation in combat that nobody I've ever played with uses. The mastermind is cool as a support rogue, but I think it needs stronger features that play into a style making it a great planner and supporter.

Most of the sorcerer classed are fine but several of them, particularly the dragon and storm sorcerers, have been hit hard by power creep and have fallen behind. I think every pre-Tasha's subclass needs an expanded spell list to bring it up to the level of the aberrant mind, clockwork soul, and lunar sorcerers. This would also really help dragon and storm sorcerers, who benefit from using spells of a certain damage type. Getting those spells for free would ensure they always get spells that benefit from their abilities without using up their precious few known spells. The dragon sorcerer should also get updated to allow for gem dragons to be used as your ancestors. I'm honestly surprised Fizban's didn't do this.

All wizards are good but I have an issue with the school of X subclasses. I feel like a wizard that specializes in one particular school of magic should feel like they are better at using that school than anyone else. I don't get that with the conjuration or transmutation wizards. Conjuration wizards aren't better conjurers than any other wizard, same for transmutation wizards. For the conjuration wizards, I know the dev team was afraid of making minions overpowered and overreacted by nerfing subclasses like the conjuration wizard and beastmaster ranger. I don't know why the transmutation wizard gets so few good features. I think they should get features that improve their conjuration and transmutation spells, respectively. Conjuration wizards should buff their summons and transmutation wizards should get something that could let them... transform better? borrow wildshape? I'm not sure, but it could definitely be better than what we got. Graviturgy wizards suffer from having multiple abilities tied to conjuration, forcing you to choose between using your subclass features and great wizard spells that are usually better. War wizards try to be a combination of abjuration and evocation wizards and just end up being worse than either. They should get better abilities from both subclasses, plus maybe some fighter stuff to represent them being trained for war, like armor proficiency and maybe even action surge. 2 levels of fighter to pick up action surge and armor is a pretty common multiclass for wizards anyway so why not give one wizard that option officially? Wizards live and die more on their spell selection so subclasses aren't as big of a deal for them as it is for other classes. Still, wizard subclasses with cool powers like divination, chronurgy, scribes, and bladesingers do tend to stand out and be more interesting.