#SEE LIKE THE THING IS. IN CONCEPT DEXTER IS JUST LIKE REALLY GOOD

[tokiro07]

That reply I got on my last Zelda post made me realize that I was only thinking about the story elements for potential Zelda-led games and not the mechanics of those games. I touched on it a bit in my reply, but I wanted to dive a little bit deeper into it here

As in Echoes of Wisdom, the goal here is to find gameplay styles that de-emphasize direct combat or physical dexterity, though we don't need to completely eschew them either (even EoW Zelda throws boulders around, after all)

Skyward Sword: a common complaint with Skyward Sword was the lack of content in the sky, so I think revisiting that through Zelda herself would be a great idea. Getting to spend more time with the Loftwings would be fun too, so I'd like them to play an active role within the dungeons. To that end, I'm thinking something inspired by Team Ico's The Last Guardian would work well, with the goal being to guide and instruct the Loftwing to perform tasks, requiring the player to pay attention to its mannerisms in order to gain some semblance of control

Minish Cap: the shrinking mechanic in the original was already a game-spanning puzzle in and of itself, so revisiting that could work well for Wisdom gameplay. To differentiate it, though, I might recommend expanding it to include shrinking and growing other objects, maybe a little bit like Superliminal but on a smaller scale. Or Zelda could just be shrunk down the entire time and needs to figure out how to navigate the world around her

Four Swords/Adventures: FSA ended with Zelda talking about learning a lesson about teamwork and some such, so this could either be another co-op game where the players need to coordinate with each other, or one player would be given multiple characters to work with at once and need to keep track of them all, like the single player in Tri Force Heroes. Honestly, my problem with TFH was that it was clearly not designed for single player, so if they revisited that concept with that explicit intention, I think they could have something solid

Ocarina of Time: obviously this would be Sheik stealth game. Oracle of Seasons already had minor stealth segments, so if you expand that concept into something more akin to the classic Metal Gear games, being more focused on observation, reaction and improvization than pure memorization, I think you'd really have something

Link Between Worlds: again, the 2D/3D puzzles of the original were already exactly the kind of thing we're looking for, so if the developers felt in any way that they hadn't fully explored the concept, like giving Zelda the ability to actually perform actions in 2D rather than simply moving, I think it would be worth revisiting

Zelda 1/Adventure of Link: similar to my idea for Four Swords, I think this one would best focus on the dichotomy between the two co-existing Zeldas, so perhaps an It Takes Two approach with each character having unique abilities would be best. Again, this is a good opportunity for co-op, but I'd like it if they could be controlled simultaneously, like in FSA. Maybe something more like Mario & Luigi's overworld segments, where they're both moving at the same time and different buttons are assigned to each character to activate their unique abilities. We don't really know enough about either of these Zeldas to conjecture what powers they'd have, but if we go off of Zelda I being under a sleep curse, maybe something to do with stillness vs. motion? Like one can make things stop and the other can make things speed up? It would take some workshopping, but I see potential here

Twilight Princess: knowing so little about the Twilight Realm, I'm envisioning labyrinthian architecture, where pathfinding is the name of the game. Given the predilection for darkness, perhaps light-based puzzles would be in order

Wind Waker: this one has the best reason to expand into combat for sure since Tetra is a fighter, but coordinating with her crew to perform tasks either for puzzle-solving or combat would be a perfect way to incorporate her Wisdom into the gameplay. Maybe there would be naval battles where steering the ship in the right way or firing the cannons at the right time would help fend off enemies. Maybe on land, resource management of ammunition and other supplies would be something the player has to be mindful of, or Tetra can bring two or three of her crew along at a time like the Sages in TotK to use their abilities

Spirit Tracks: the Phantoms were already pretty much exactly what we're looking for, so I think just coming up with new Phantoms and level designs would be sufficient. Rearranging the Spirit Tracks themselves for more efficient navigation could also be fun, but I don't know if most fans want land development in their Zelda games

Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom: I already said in my last post that the Ancient Power system in TotK would have worked as a Wisdom mechanic, so again, any enhancement or refinement therein should probably go to Zelda

If I were a professional, I'm sure I could come up with something a lot more workable than these high concepts, but my main goal with this thought exercise was just to see how the extant stories could be used to make new ones, and I definitely see a lot of areas of opportunity

Of these, I personally like the Skyward Sword idea best, I like what Last Guardian was going for and would really like to see the concept explored by other developers

[thecryptidgrey]

As an avid lover of his Dark Materials I have yet to see a BG3 daemons concept and that is a Crime. So here are some Thoughts below the cut :)

(Also something something about the representation of religion in HDM and how it correlates to BG3's depictions of faith and trauma. I have the Idea but I am too tired to do much with it; may return to the thought later.)

Shadowheart- a borzoi. Elegant, spooky looking, dramatic. Borzoi don't make much vocal noise but are very playful- instincts surpressed by Sharrens that thrive with the party (see that very cute night orchid scene specifically). Generally very sweet, loyal animals, like SH when you get to know her. Plus they look amazing.

(Act 3 spoilers- I also appreciate that she'll match it when she dyes her hair. Seems suitable dramatic for her.) Anyways, I also really like borzois and think it's be funny af to see in them trotting around in game like the weird willow tree ghost things they are.

Lae'zel- Githyanki don't have daemons; she finds them baffling. Very impractical to carry one's soul on the exterior, although perhaps an efficient companion in combat to have someone you share instincts with. After much discussion by the others she decides for them if she did have one it would be a red dragon. Nobody argues with that.

(She does decide she'd have to prove herself worthy of such a beast first, and if she trusts Tav admits that maybe she'd like if Vlaakith could give her a daemon bond with her future dragon. Would she get a dragon if she became Vlaakith's chosen? Idk, she would now.)

Karlach- Tieflings also don't have daemons. She wants one wholeheartedly. The party finds her a magic ring that allows her to summon a familiar- she gets a direwolf puppy as enthusiastic and adoring as she is :)

Said ring is obtained somewhere in the Shadowlands after she gets the cooldown upgrade so she can hug it as soon as she has it. Also it grows up absolutely massive. Its paws are the size of its head when it's a puppy. All the better for cuddling with!

Gale- Tara. Wizards, sorcerers, etc, tend to have magical creatures as familiars. This AU he had Tara since the beginning. He still summoned all the other weird shit he did as a kid, just with Tara's help. She is his voice of reason and holder of the braincells; he gets to keep one and it's all about Mystra. She's protecting the rest from its corruption. He gets them back when the party convinces him to tell Mystra to go fuck herself.

(I do chew upon the trans Gale headcanon sometimes. If anyone wishes to muse with me on how daemons, which are typically of the opposite sex to their human, would be incorporated into that, please do.) Edit- pls see comments for very illuminating interpretations of daemons and gender!! Very cool stuff!

Wyll- lanner falcon. Medium sized yet formidable bird of prey, the head of which was often depicted on Egyptian gods like Ra and Horus. Beautiful, noble and nimble creatures (good for a dexterity based build, which I focused on for him alongside charisma).

Mizora's pact significantly lengthened their tether; her devil-form punishment broke it and weakened their bond significantly, much to their distress- they hate to be out of vision of one another as a result. Halsin, Jaheira and especially my Tav Cerewyn helped him adapt to and understand the new tether.

Druids and their daemons are based on the His Dark Materials witches, who have significantly lengthened bonds. Druid bonds are just as strong in markedly different ways; each is more independent and their personalities more distinct. I will definitley expand more on this; I adore Wyll and really want to do his character justice. He's the knight in shining armour but he also made a deal with a devil to be said knight, so, y'know. His daemon should really reflect that complexity.

Astarion- luna moth (changed when he turned- he can't remember what she was before.)

Beautiful in a fragile, showy way. Short-lived. Desperate for the light. A silkmoth; silk for embroidery. He resents her for being such a reflection of the self he tries so desperately to hide yet is fiercely protective of her, so beautiful and soft and hopeful- moths exist to seek light, craving it like he longed for a knight in shining armour, like he yearns for the sun.

Cazador liked to pin her wings.

(I love my sad wet cat very much and so as payback for hurting my soul he is subjected to the tragedy that is my attempting to be poetic :) )

Halsin- bear. Druid daemons reflect their favoured Wild shapes. Strong, steady, reliable, protective. Optimal shape for snuggles, very nice and warm, overall :) vibes to look at and be around. (Bear is not present for That Scene. That Scene and daemons are not up for discussion, you degenerates. Thank you <3)

Jaheira- Eurasian lynx. Struggled a bit on this one- didn't think any of the wild shapes suited her as a daemon- so looked up the national animal of Romania (supposedly Jaheira's accent?) for potential inspiration. Got the lynx, which seems perfect. Medium sized, elegant, very dignifed and deadly hunters who inhabit forests. Notably very quiet and hard to track. Endangered, which resonated with me because of Jaheira's status as one of the last of the Old Guard, so to speak. Nocturnal, which I like because we meet Jaheira in the shadow-cursed lands. Ambush predator, which just goes with my Gloom Stalker build for her. Overall seems perfect for the legendary druid.

Minsc- Boo? Fuck knows man, Minsc gonna Minsc. I spent way too long thinking about Jaheira and now I don't have the energy left. If Gale can have Tara, Minsc can have Boo. I do love Minsc so I will be back to expand on him if the mood strikes me but also I think maybe I don't need to? Daemon Boo just seems Right. Will consult Minsc's backstory and update later if necessary.

Minthara- yet to recruit her so uncertain. Displacer beast seems apt, maybe? Something felinoid would really fit her tbh. Elegant and lethal, very aloof but loyal once you've got her. Input would be appreciated.

My Tav, Cerewyn, just in case ya'll are interested- a raven named Gwyn, short for something I haven't figured out how to spell yet.

Clever, calculating, very blunt and sarcastic to balance out Cere's generally stoic, quite, calm demeanour. Sharp eyed bird for a sharpshooter ranger's daemon. Cere is a beast master ranger/ druid of land multiclass; ravens are summonable both for wild companions and familiars and are a wild shape (Cere's preferred wild shape too).

A common species but not to be underestimated and generally unpredictable, which suits her. She romances Astarion and both she and the raven think he and his luna moth are the prettiest things they've ever seen. They're also very patient and perceptive of trauma due to (Extensive Backstory), so they're more than happy to take their time with earning his trust. Astarion is very appreciative of all the shiny things the raven likes to bring him, and also that it clawed one of Cazador's eyes out for daring to speak to Astarion like That.

CONC.; symbolism is fun and also painful :)

Daemon names are a work in progress; the muses gave me this then said lol nope and fucked off before I could ask them for appropriate names. Might post them with some sketches of the party and daemons together?

(I wrote this in Notes app at an ungodly hour with fuck all editing. It is incoherent, but if anything is genuinely incomprehensible, please tell me so I may at least try to fix it. Much love <3 if you made it this far you get to know I welcome suggestions for NPCs to give daemons next!)

First edit- I misspelled quiet so many times omfg

[koos-kave]

Thinking about Satan playing piano for you… Inspired by Satan’s character song

Random person on SioLevi central read it through for me|| Satan x G!N Reader ||implied past sexual encounter(s) if you squint… || TW for pianos and blonde guys • . • . • . • . • . • . • . • . • You’re sitting next to Satan on the piano bench, legs folded neatly underneath you causing you to appear slightly taller which roused a quiet chuckle from your lover.

“You told me you had something to show me.” You watched with interest as Satan’s dexterous fingers (you knew how skilled he was with them from experience) ghosted over the piano’s keys with uncharacteristic gentleness for someone closely associated with the sin of wrath, “It better be really good since you haven’t been spending a lot of time with me lately. Was it because I called Belphegor a narcoleptic emo?”

Satan merely shook his head, “I haven’t been avoiding you if that’s what you think has been going on, and I would never be upset with you for being observant. Your assessment of Belphegor was frighteningly accurate.” Satan looked over at you, noticing how your eyes were trained on his hands.

You opened your mouth to try and prevent Satan from making a smart remark, but judging by the smug grin on his face you were too late-

“Ah, it would seem…” Satan smirked, flexing his fingers, “…that you’re well acquainted with them, hmm?”

“Satan! You-” You were quickly silenced with a chaste kiss. Satan’s mischievous grin quickly returned to the soft smile he’d offered you when you’d first sat down beside him.

“You know I love to tease you, seeing you so flustered seems to be helping ease my nerves.”

“Nervous? You don’t have to be shy around me, and after what you just did I think you’ve lost the right to act coy right now.” You rubbed Satan’s back soothingly, not willing to verbally admit you were worried for him.

Satan nodded, you swear you could hear something resembling a content purr from Satan. Your eyes softened at the sight of his shoulders relaxing. You knew he hated to admit it, but Satan often second guessed himself. You supposed it was partly due to logical disposition, “I’ve spent the last week working on this. I enjoyed it, I really did. Whether is was spending countless hours trying to condense even a fraction of my love for you into writing, coming up with a satisfactory melody, or even putting both together and rehearsing. I loved every second of it because each of those seconds I spent thinking about you, but now that I’ve sat down to actually do this…” Satan sighed, casting his gaze to the floor in shame, “I’m starting to feel like it’s a bit silly.”

“Satan… did you compose a song for me?” You tilted your head slightly, “Is that why you’ve been spending less time with me lately?”

“Yes, and I was hoping to have kept that a surprise until I was finished performing it. I was never intending to voice these insecurities.” Your heart sank when Satan curled his hands into fists, “You think it’s stupid too, don’t you?”

“Of course it’s stupid.”

Ouch, hearing you put it so bluntly hurt quite a bit.

“The whole concept of love is stupid.” You quickly leaned over to rest your head on Satan’s now trembling shoulder, “If love was logical it would be boring. Mammon is the stupid kind of stupid, but feelings are the good kind of stupid.” You paused and took note of how adorable Satan looked when he snorted in amusement, “Sometimes you have to stop calculating every little thing and just be stupid. You fell for a stupid human so that, in a way, also makes you stupid.”

“Wow… that was… quite profound, even with your frankly subpar vocabulary.” Satan’s eyes met your own, and strangely this exchange felt more intimate than anything the two of you had previously shared, “Such a wise sentiment is proof enough that you’re more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. I didn’t fall for you because of the way you looked, your intelligence, your family, or to annoy a certain pompous avatar of pride. I fell for you because you’re so outrageously you.”

You felt a wave of a pleasant kind of embarrassment wash over you, “I want nothing more right now than to listen to the song you made for me. It wouldn’t be very smart of you to put your hard work to waste…”

Satan paused to admire you for a bit. Sometimes wrath had to remind himself that this was real, that you were his lover. Satan suddenly wrapped you in a tight embrace, as if you’d disappear in an instant if he let you go. He pulled away, letting out a shuddering breath when you wiped a stray tear threatening to fall from his watery eyes, “Seems you’ve only managed to infatuate me more, my love…” Satan turned back to the piano laying in front of him, and with a final loving look in your direction he began to play.

•.•.•.•

Read My Heart

I got shy and almost didn’t post this, I had to take my own advice!

[nayeonline]

MADE IN KOREA: EP. 1 (my thoughts on the tv show for that british kpop bg sm decided to do for some unknown reason)

So if you didn't hear, SM Entertainment is the latest kpop company to dip their toes into the concept of a western kpop group - we had VCHA from JYP and their show A2K, KATSEYE from HYBE with their show Dream Academy (and I believe upcoming Netflix docu-series?), and now we have 'Dear Alice' from SM with the show 'Made In Korea: The K-Pop Experience'. Unlike the previous two groups, Dear Alice is a boy group, and are specifically all British, whereas the girls of VCHA and KATSEYE are from all over the world. As your local british kpop stan with access to BBC iPlayer (where this show is streaming) I decided to watch and drop my thoughts on the show and see if its any good, basically.

Right off the bat, the pitch to SM was clearly: 'we will make you a new One Direction' - like you can easily pick out of the lineup who is supposed to be Harry and Zayn and so on. It's not a stupid idea because after South Korea, the UK is probably the biggest exporter of music groups beloved internationally, but I doubt whether kpop stans will take to this well. At least they are promoting this on the BBC, directly to the UK, which is presumably their target audience.

They keep calling this whole thing an 'experiment' which it obviously is, but the higher ups at SM seems to be very on edge about the whole thing - after the groups first performance to Heejun (the director basically) she called a fucking emergency meeting with the SM team and the british producers - there generally seems to be a lack of confidence in the success of the group.

In the beginning of the episode they briefly mention (but for the most part gloss over) the audition process for this show, claiming they chose the five boys for their talents in singing and dance. Throughout the episode though it becomes apparently clear though that they (in the nicest way possible) don't really hold a candle to the debuted idols from SM. The whole show is based on this 'make a british kpop group in 100 days' gimmick, but the truth of the matter is you need a lot more than 100 days to become idol level good at dancing and singing - most idols train for 2 years minimum, some upwards of 6. I have no idea why they didn't choose boys with more preexisting skill in the audition process, or just give them longer to train - perhaps there could've been a bootcamp for a month before the going to korea bit to build basic skills - none of the 5 seem to be overly familiar with the kpop industry and it seems that pretty much all of their context as to what is expected of an idol is drawn from the SMTOWN concert they attended before their training began. They came off as quite unprepared, and Heejun's harsh comments to them in their evaluation clearly came as bit of a surprise to them. It is only episode one though, so i think if anything, now they know the level they are supposed to be at.

All of them apparently have a background in theatre or dance in some capacity (one of them is a tiktoker... ok) but only Dexter and maybe Reese struck me as having much aptitude for kpop dancing, but again it is only episode one so I'll cut them a little bit of slack. They struggled a lot with coordination and accuracy, but from my perspective as a dancer myself and kpop stan, the dance they learned to their song 'Feel the Vibe' (we will get to that don't worry lol) was not what I would call hugely difficult?? the members other than Dexter lacked a lot of fluidity but none of them were awful and I think with a lot more training they could be quite good. Olly seemed to struggle a lot with the dance, and there was some chatter from the producers that members could be cut, and if I had to guess anyone right now to be dropped (momentarily, I'm assuming anyone they kick is going to pull a Momo and be brought back) it would be him.

The song 'feel the vibe' is like.. what you would get if you asked an AI to spit out a 'boy group song' - it has a little bit of RIIZE energy so I wouldn't be surprised if this was an abandoned demo of theirs, but it also feels a little kidz bop? lmao? It's fine basically, not very exciting but not totally unlistenable. My main concern is that its quite a high song especially in the chorus, and the boys seem to struggle to hit the notes. Giving them a song that is out of almost all of their ranges is kind of setting them up to fail especially when they had a week only to learn it. Their poor vocal performance also explains why Heejun was so unconfident in this groups success - SM is is the kpop company known for its vocalists, being able to sing like Ningning or Taeyeon may not be necessary to succeed and debut in other big companies, but in SM vocals are crucial. Again they did only have a week, so at the very least potential is there.

They did a lot of b-roll content of them seeing the sights of Seoul, they did a gangnam style bit (god help me) met with Shindong (...), met RIIZE and TEN of WayV etc etc which was cool i guess - i hope this is a mainstay in the series and not just an introductory element.

Overall the show is not boring by any means, if a little cringey at times, my only concern is that the group that will emerge on the other side will not be up to par? I guess we will see.

[nyaagolor]

Hear me out: Pawmot as a physical service Pokémon

I loveeeeee this concept. Here’s some assorted headcanons abt it bc that’s how I organize my thoughts :)

- Pawmot’s size lends itself really well to a service pokemon. It’s bipedal, which means it can walk around with its trainer without taking up too much space, and small enough to be allowed indoors / in tight spaces without fear of breaking things. It’s also a pretty decent size to sit in the average adult’s lap, so it’s a really great pokemon to take to places like theaters or on planes

- Because Pawmot are bipedal and have hands, they often assist with mobility, but also tasks that require more dexterity. They have the strength (due to being a fighting type) to maneuver and lift most adults as well as carry heavy objects or clear a path for their trainer, but also the fine motor skills to assist with everyday tasks like opening pill bottles, picking up dropped items, opening doors, etc. Your pawmot can set up a folding wheelchair but also carry a motorized one

- Their electric type also makes them ideal for those with electronic / battery powered mobility aids because Pawmot can recharge them if the need arises! I like to think Pawmot are a really common Paldean pokemon center pokemon for this reason— Paldea has very large wilderness areas and access to electricity is important for many, so there’s always a Pawmot at the most remote outposts to make sure your hearing aids or rotom phone keep their charge

- not service related but they’re the ideal size to wear clothes, so most service Pawmots have cute little jackets! some people give them bows or hats also. Around Glaseado, you’ll often see them in cute little parkas. Dapper little fellows :)

- Pawmot can and likely does function as a pretty good overall physical service pokemon, but in my mind where Pawmot could really shine is as a pokemon for those with muscular disorders. Aside from assisting with everyday asks for people with tremors, Pawmot can also use its dual typing to act as a living theragun, combining electricity and pressure to reduce spasms, stimulate / quiet nerves, and provide relief to those with muscular issues or chronic pain

- Personally I think Pawmot’s ability to control electricity and administer it to other species with a high level of control and contact makes it a really great electric type service pokemon. Because the electricity comes from its hands, there’s less chance of stray sparks, and I think a trained Pawmot could likely administer electrical stimulation to the right places just based on its trainer’s behavior. This makes it a more ideal choice compared to other electric rodents, since their sparks are from their cheeks and the chance of stray sparks is way higher

- Also just because of their whole defibrillator theme, I think they’re also an ideal choice for anyone with cardiovascular issues. I like to think they’re very attuned to the electrical signals and sound of heartbeats and can act as an alert if there’s a cardiac emergency. Plus, revival blessing and their electric capabilities allows them to restart or readjust pacemakers at any time or correct irregular heart rhythms

All in all TOTALLY AGREED ANON I LOVE THIS IDEA

[ctrl-alt-tahu]

Star Wars Shows I want to Whisper in Dave Filoni's ear

So, @onvermel and I were video-chatting to compare notes on The Acolyte (short version, we both liked it), but as the conversation ranged wide over all things Star Wars, we ended up having some rather specific ideas of what we'd like (or like to have had) in a Star Wars show.

Firstly:

Jar Jar Binks After the Prequels

We both agreed that it's probably still a little while before Lucasfilm/Disney is brave enough to dip its toes back in the Jar Jar waters after George Lucas himself backed off royally in Episodes II and III, but we think the time has come. We want a show that follows him after Revenge of the Sith. It could go three ways, and I want to see all three:

The Rise and Fall of the House of Binks: i.e., the dramatic tragedy. After the death of his friend and mentor, Padmé Amidala, Representative Binks is again asked to step in as Acting Senator for Naboo--this time by the Emperor himself. Jar Jar is honoured and humbled to follow in Padmé's steps and takes pride in continuing her legacy. Over the course of the show (at least two seasons), Jar Jar comes to realise what Padmé's legacy really was, and he comes to realise with horror that: a.) he betrayed it with his vote in Attack of the Clones, b.) that his pride in Naboo as the homeworld of the Emperor is profoundly misplaced, and c.) that something is seriously wrong. And once he realises all this and tries to do something about it, the Emperor gets wind of it and sends his fearsome enforcer, Darth Vader, and in his last moments, Jar Jar has a terrifying realisation--this is another man he knows.

Binks: a comedy about Acting Senator-turned-permanent senator Jar Jar Binks. As I put it to Onvermel, a few sad deaths of friends aside, this is the show where Jar Jar is the only person still living in the Republic after the end of the prequels: hesa very good friend of the chancellor, appointed permanent senator by Queen Jamilla in the hopes of leveraging that favour, and Palpatine finds him a useful cog and... the show is just Jar Jar bumbling about in a Frasier-esque existence oblivious to what he's enabling or what has happened. There's some social commentary in this: through Jar Jar's eyes, we see the galaxy as Palpatine wanted people to see it--and as many people (not the rebels or the downtrodden) actually did. It's mostly just laughs until the final episode: Palpatine has died at Endor, the New Republic has taken Coruscant, and Senator Binks as a close collaborator of Palpatine for thirty years is put on trial (after Mas Amedda and right before Sate Pestage) for war crimes. He's taken away guilty at the end--"but meesa knows nothing about the Sith! Meesa knows nothing!" in a Seinfeld-esque downer of an ending.

Meesa Bombad: a full blown, Chuck Lorre-style, sitcom (or maybe Cheers, if Jar Jar takes a Sam-esque role a former minor celebrity opening a bar) complete with laugh-track and three-camera set. Jar Jar doesn't have to be a senator in this one. I'd be happy with one episode as a holiday special proof-of-concept--but I'd also take Three Broke Gungans with five years of 22-episode seasons. Sebulba makes frequent guest appearances as Jar Jar's nemesis.

The other "show" we wanted is less of a show and more of a missed opportunity for The Clone Wars that we'd like to see revisited:

Dexter Jettster's Diner

How did we get 7 seasons of The Clone Wars without seeing Obi-wan's buddy and his diner? Why was there never a scene where Obi-wan went there to relax? It could still happen--so let's manifest that. But imagine what could have been in Season 7:

Ahsoka, just gone from the Jedi order, is trying to make her way in Coruscant's underworld, and finds herself in a diner late at night, eating comfort food. The proprietor, a friendly older Besilisk, lends her a sympathetic ear as she tells him a redacted version of her story: she used to have a home, she used to have family, but she was lied about and betrayed, and no one believed her--they all believed her accuser and no one listened to her. Dexter tells her at the end, when he's trying to give her some comfort:

"Well, it's like I always say, lying only works if you believe it. What your friend told your family might have been true... from a certain point of view."

[The point of this anecdote is the rueful tears of fans--but, more seriously, what is Star Wars without way too many callbacks? If you're going to revisit Dexter Jettster--and they should--shouldn't he be tied to Obi-wan?]

[athena-xox]

Hi! I've been wanting to send asks for a while but couldn't think of a good question until recently.

I have three questions (or perhaps I should say headers).

One: How's your rewrite progressing? At what stages is cannon altered? Are there going to be concepts/characters ignored entirely?

Two: I've seen your (humorous) plea for long/multi chapter eah fics what are some of the favorite's you've read already? Any chance you have an idea of your own outside the rewrite? long or short (chances are yes, for literally anyone in this fandom but it bears asking).

Three: What fairytale(s) would you

A: Like to repeat

B: Could functionally thwart if you had to live through it.

C: Die in, or flee the land to avoid at all cost's.

Omg love the questions. I will admit I’m a bit to brain dead to fully comprehend all the questions so if I answer I different question that what you intended feel free to correct me.

With that being said, the first chapter of my rewrite is done and basically fully edited I believe it’s around 6000/7000 words. Chapter two hadn’t been edited but it’s kinda a weird one so it doesn’t really need to be edited and it’s only around 2000 words.

Chapter 3 I’ve written a bit of it and it’s also a short and I have a layout for it. And chapter 4 is going to be on the longer side probably 6000-10000 words. But after those are done and edited hopefully I’ll publish the fic!!

So that’s the progress, for what parts of canon are being altered, I think a lot of characterization. Bunny, Alistair, Crystal, Milton Grimm, Snow White & EQ are all characters who were either portrayed as good or morally grey that I’m going to make evil (whoops spoilers) and then also kitty isn’t really going to have a redemption arc like she did in spring unsprung, she’s just going to continue to chaotically be herself.

And then just every plotline / character will just be slightly more mature and in depth. And it depends on how you see canon because the rewrite is going to be a mix the tv series + the books which vary a bit on canon. And then obviously a lot more queer representation.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that the epic winter arc is being disgraced but it’s going througu many changes. I’ll probably get ride of the whole through the woods concept because it doesn’t really add anything to the plot (although I am adding a musical that doesn’t really do anything for the plot except allow be to geek (theatre kid) out and give us some cute dizzie moments).

I really want to include her but I don’t think there’s going to be any room for Bella sister. Other things from canon that I’m not including is darise, Meeshell being a horrible singer, DARABELLA, Maddie having visions, the snow king, cupids crush on dexter, the revealer rays, probably lots more but I can’t think of them.

Onto the next question I definitely have some fic recs. I’ll probably make a separate post for it but my top 2 are rewrite ignite restart and a legacy of brambles and thorns.

I think the reason why I’m actually commuting to the rewrite is because it’s really the only eah fic I want to write since I plan to hopefully cover all the characters and ships I like. In my past fandoms I’ve had like 20 different fics I wanted to write but I never got a around to all or them.

Oh wait actually I guess I have one idea but I doubt I’ll ever write it since I want to focus on the rewrite. But during my transition stage from the mlb fandom to the eah I was thinking about an au. Either the eah characters with miraculous’s in the real world or mlb characters at ever after. 

Okay and for the last questions im assuming you’re asking which fairytales I’d like to 1. Be a part of 2. Don’t want to be a part of and I could stop it 3. Would have to run away from ?

1. When I was little I had the yearbook thing that had you create your own eah character and I always wanted to be a princess so I made myself goose girl

2. Definitely wouldn’t want to be like Jack in the beanstalk so I just wouldn’t take the beans

3. Sleeping beauty was my fav when I was younger so I definitely wouldn’t want to have Faybelles destiny. Or be an ugly sister, that would kill my self esteem (no wonder Bella and Brutta ran away)

For the last 3 questions I wasn’t sure if you were asking all abt me or if any were for my rewrite.

Anyways tysm for the ask !!

[desultory-novice]

How would you envision the dynamic between Marx and Daroach?

I bet Daroach likes to do mischief. Could be another candidate for a "prank partner" Marx could have, perhaps?

Very interesting thought you have there, and I think you may be onto something...!

Daroach is a thief, but he is, by way of costume and mannerisms, clearly modeled on the specific concept of "the phantom thief" and all phantom thieves are multi-classed in thief + stage magician. They just are. (That Daroach has some real magic to back it up, or at least his cane is magically imbued, helps.)

And of course, Marx was originally introduced as a Marx the Magician before settling in his better known job title of Cosmic Jester. (But what is a jester but a combination clown + stage magician?) So, now we have a pair of stage magicians who are both known to be smooth talkers and insanely dexterous.

What else can we pull out of this pair?

Something that's kind of easy to read from his character but not always obvious is that Daroach seems to be... fairly old?! Maybe not as old as Doc, who he himself states as being "up in years" but when I went back through the script for Mass Attack, he's clearly been all over the place, but he's also been to Popstar in the past and studied it extensively. This man is crazy traveled...

..Or he just likes Popstar a lot. We all do!

[Take a nap, old man!]

PS: I love this image of Daroach so much. It's probably my defining Daroach image. Look at this man mouse. Look at all the emotions you can read from one sketch! I would give him treasure and watch him scurry away with it except that I know he would only truly feel satisfied if he stole it. Dess looks at Daroach like the squirrels in my yard that steal all the birdseed. I should be annoyed. I should be, but they are so much fun to watch. Dess just wants to adopt all the Kirby characters... (assuming they indeed turn out to be 8cm, that is. ^^; ) Such good blorbos, all of them..

...

AHEM! Sorry about that tangent.

The reason I bring Daroach's age up is that he is still provably "young at heart." He's kind of a big goof?! Who else would get possessed by the Lord of the Underworld and then, snickering, call Doc over... "Say, Doc? I just got an idea for a shockingly good trap! Can you...?" So, yes! I believe he would have exactly the kind of fun-loving nature necessary to enjoy... at least SOME of Marx's goofs! 

The difference that I see is mainly is that Daroach will casually and freely admit to having several (implied) fears born from (implied) bad experiences and he cares about things like danger-level. Marx seems the type who lets his nigh invulnerability (?) to lasting harm and his confidence in his schemes inform 99% percent of his bad decision making. (1) "Caution" is where they really part ways.

That and, like in my own rabbit Marx drawing, I think that should Marx ever decide to turn on his fellow-of-a-shared-profession and assume he could beat Daroach in sleight-of-hand, Daroach would swiftly make Marx regret his hubris in the most embarrassing way.

But when they're on the same page? Oh boy, look out! You're not getting out of this with either your possessions OR your dignity!

With Marx and Daroach, you've basically got the gritty (goofball) veteran stage magician and the bold upstart with no limits and no fear together. That's a classic movie team-up right there!

-

(1) Common fandom interpretations aside, it's hard to say how many of Marx's plans/tricks were bad ideas or have ended badly for him when really, Marx has only been caught/stopped twice. Once with the whole Galactic Nova incident and again (depending on how you take these posts) in the Christmas Cake incident on Twitter. Of course, cartoon logic almost always dictates that once the "frighteningly intelligent trickster" character stops being a villain and joins the good guys, his schemes get more and more goofy/harmless and far easier to interrupt than that climactic first encounter!

[dairy-farmer]

how do you separate fiction from reality? just curious

well the thing is that it's not really a matter of a 'how to' or some 'technique' or a method that will "grant" you the ability to separate fiction from reality.

the ability to differentiate reality from fantasy/fiction is something that happens on its own as a result of cognitive development that begins at the age of 5+. it, along with other skills, like critical thinking and theory of mind are social-cognitive skills that develop and are further honed by life experience and education.

after the age of about 12 is when kids mostly stop playing "pretend" because engaging in imagined scenarios was how kids were able to better understand the world around them and experiment with abstract concepts that helped their brains better develop.

for example, consider how someone aged 4 might perceive a show like 'dexter's laboratory' versus how a 14-year-old would.

4 year old reasoning is very simple: this character looks like a person, talks, has the same things as me, they make me laugh etc. conclusion: that is a person that is real like me AND exists in this word.

if a parent were to ask them in that cutesy rhetorical way of 'do you want to go to dexter's lab?' they'd probably say yes, not even considering the possibility it doesn't exist because they SEE it on the screen and they assume a cartoon character has sentience just like a person does. at 5 years old they accept reality as it is presented and don't question it. like little kids at disney land who never wonder why princess tiana is HERE in disneyland speaking to them and not in new orleans. in fact, around 3-5 is when kids begin to gain the ability to lie (being able to tell when you're being lied to however is a different ability). because lying is a developmental thing as well- you have to cognitively develop the ability to do it. it's GOOD when kids learn to lie because it's a milestone in their development.

but before they reach that point, that's why it's so easy to lie to kids. they believe you're telling the truth because to them the concept of what you're saying not being true is just so far beyond their current understanding of the world and how it works that it's why they believe in things like monsters so much more easily. why they're convinced by the threat that if they don't stop crying you really will let a stranger take them ("if you don't stop crying i'm going to give you away/let that man *points at stranger* take you).

it's very simple and logical to a child who has no understanding or critical thinking or the cognitive development to know and understand better.

but for a 14 year old: they may enjoy the show as well. they might laugh at all the things that make a show entertaining. but if their parent asks them if they want to go visit 'dexter's lab' they'd probably be confused, maybe even offended at such an infantilizing question. because they know and understand that dexter and his lab isn't real. it's made up. a lie.

they know dexter's body and enviornment are drawings on a screen created by animators. dexter's voice is that of a grown woman who is an actor and not of a little boy. there is no "dexter" in the real world. he's a concept someone made up. if they try to "touch" him their fingers will just be touching a screen. if they try to speak with or interact with him he won't respond because he doesn't exist in the 'now' and 'here' or in 'this is real life' reality.

being incapable of telling fiction from reality is a VERY real issue because the only ones who should be having a hard time telling fiction from reality are very young children whose brains have literally not developed enough to have the capacity for it.

but there's more reasons than just your brain/mental ability for why an otherwise healthy person can't tell fiction from reality.

lack of intelligence

lack of education

naïveté

overly trusting nature

underdeveloped critical thinking

susceptibility to manipulation/deception

cognitive bias/ confirmation bias

no access to a method for verifying claims.

everyone has the ability to tell fiction from reality but the skill might be purposefully or accidentally suppressed due to one or more of the reasons above.

beyond that no one should be having a hard time with separation of fiction versus reality. if they are it's either because they are being purposefully obtuse, they failed to develop those skills adequately, or they undiagnosed in some capacity for disorders impacting their perception.

[arkham-outskirts]

ALONE AGAINST THE FLAMES

SPOILERS Below the cut! If you want to do this scenario on your own, you should!

Also take the quote sections with grains of salt- we didn't record this session and so things might be a little fuzzy. This is a mixture of memories from that Christmas voice chat, as well as actually pining down what happens in the story after a few comb overs and finding things we missed the first go around.

So, picture the scene.

It's Christmas Eve. You and your parents are opening presents early because y'all Really want to get to everything and its more so tradition to do gifts on Eve. You get the Starter Kit to Call of Cthulhu, and it includes a Solo-Scenario: Alone Against the Flames!

You think to yourself... "Hey, maybe me and @thevioletscout can play it over VC! It'll be a good introduction to Call of Cthulhu!" You both hop into Discord, Christmas Afternoon. It's slow at first as we think up on the spot what to make of our first Investigator as the book tells us the bare basics.

---

Jack: Okay, how about we both give him a name, first and last? You first. Scout: Right, uh... -looks at her Dr. Pepper- .... Pepper. Jack: -wheeze- RIGHT, uhmmm -subconsciously remembered that Pepper's hometown had a gas station named "Osborn's General Store"- ... Osborn! Scout: PEPPER OSBORN.

Scout: I mean he's a journalist/reporter, they just Have names like that. Jack: Yeah it fits.

---

Jack: Scout, I am so sorry there's so much math (he says, when there was much more complicated math later on)

---

Pepper Osborn is a fairly average man. Average height, a little on the stockier side with redd-ish brown hair and grey eyes.

I joked while during a break and doodling him, that he kinda looked like Henry Stein from a lot of fanon designs. This is important later.

---

-We trip while trying to hop on our ride- Jack: Pepper’s hat just VANISHES it's gooone.

Pepper, heaving his suitcase up: Hopefully the residents at Arkham will have nicer manners.

---

He's sitting in a car with a shady man named Silas driving him from Dunwich up to Arkham for a job interview at the Arkham Gazette.

Jack: Do words just appear on paper?

---

He is very desperate to leave Dunwich. We are introduced to the concept of Skill Checks, this time for Dexterity, to see if we catch ourselves. We fail. Pepper falls out of his seat when the car jolts, and he hits his ribs hard on the ground. This sets up the scene for what kind of luck Pepper has.

Jack: Pepper I'm sorry, you have to suffer through my awful dice rolls.

We at this point were unaware of how attached we will soon grow of him.

---

However, we do not reach Arkham! The car starts sputtering, and we take a pit-stop at a small town up the hill called "Emberhead". We do not pass psychology check for Silas checking the engine. This bodes well but we are not aware of this yet Somehow.

Silas says the engine is acting weird and he might be able to get it fixed in the morning, but it was getting dark. He says there's a little place to rent out space for the night, owned by May Ledbetter.

We go there, thinking Everything is fine and dandy. We meet the owner and eventually realize she has a daughter, peeking around the corner- Ruth Ledbetter. She looks... really off. Exhausted and Scout said she might have that kinda dead, Tim Burton-esque stare. (Y'know the one)

Anywho-

‘A festival?’ A curious lilt filtered through Pepper’s mind, and the strange feeling of unease never ceased. “What festival?”

Our ENTIRE suspicion of Emberhead is explained as Pepper’s anxiety of being somewhere entirely new and strange. There is a festival the town is Super excited to prepare for, we learn as we walk around the place.

We go to sleep for the night, not without discussing Deeply about how we feel about the town. While Pepper is likely staring up at the ceiling, kept awake by our ramblings.

---

Oh and he has a nightmare about being burnt alive by the fire place at night. Fun. Fun times.

--- That Morning...

Jack: I like Silas, he’s a grouch but he knows what he’s doing. Scout: Yeah, Silas' chill.

-Immediately see in the morning Silas ditched us- Me: S I L A S Scout: SILAS YOU MOTHERFUCKER I LIKED YOU!!

---

We go to a general store in hopes to get information: None to be had, but we decide to buy a multitool and hunting knife.

Jack: I just want some self defense. Scout: My reasoning... like a screwdriver in Shadow Over Innsmouth.

---

Scout: You know, with how much we've been going back and forth, I just have the mental image that Pepper is just standing around idle as we try and figure out what to do next. Jack: *laughing* yEAH like we're the voices in his head or somethin' and he's staring off into space.

Scout: We hadn't really been roleplaying as him, but as the voices in his head!

And that joke was then made CANON. Pepper Osborn casually just has voices in his head, helping to guide him around. No we don't know what they are or the origins. He just has two players.

---

Later, we eventually decide to check out Silbury Road, a kinda artist/flea market. However, there’s an awkward air about one abandoned stall.

Pepper starts zoning out as the voices argue about what to do next, and might get some weird looks. (I believe we were arguing about breaking into said abandoned stall)

Exploring more also revealed a bit more about the town and it's hyped up Festival. There is a really odd, metal burnt spire in the center of the town, which people keep... putting timber and wood on. This Is Fine.

(Alone Against the Flames, summarized)

---

The Village hall was closed for the morning, will open afternoon. No telegraph. (We wind up forgetting this and didn't see the mayor, Mr. Clyde Winters. We'll get to him later, as with all the extra lore stuff we combed through post-game)

---

Leaving the Village Hall, we run across May Ledbetter and Ruth once again out on the town. What was very strange is the fact Ruth RAN up to Pepper and started saying something about "You have to get out of here!" and such things. She then darts back behind May.

Jack: Okay, some options now- we can ask Ruth what the hell THAT means, ask May about it- or just ignore it. Scout: We... I vote we not bring it up. Like accept the warning-! Jack: YEAH but not get her in like- trouble! Scout: Yeah best to not tip May off there.

From this encounter we began to quickly realize something was Very fucking wrong with May and Ruth's homelife and family dynamic, edging on abusive. It was the 1920s and a Cult, obviously.

I wind up bringing up the idea that Pepper had a. Not great family life, and part of why he wanted to move to Arkham. So he likely saw Ruth and May's dynamic and decided to spare the girl any more grief and kept quiet, and not make things worse.

---

From Ruth's warnings we went back to the Ledbetter's house and just collectively decided "You know what? I'm OUTTA HERE" like good ol Wally Franks of BATIM, and started preparing to leave and head out on Foot to Arkham.

---

Scout: DONT LEAVE A NOTE, IDIOT

Because there's only so much wiggle room in the "Choose your adventure" style book, Pepper stupidly left a note. Himbo.

---

We're now hiking in the forest, and it's taking almost the rest of the day. We hear noises, miraculously pass the natural world check at 20 to realize it's just animal noises.

But, at some point it was Dark, and we started hearing. Concerning things.

Pepper is panicking, and winds up Climbing A Tree (using his belt to tie himself to the top)

---

Jack: I'm just picturing Pepper climbs this tree, late in the night and just starts- Laughing.

Our Notes -Being in the wilderness makes him Snap a tiny bit, loses inhibitions -Become a cat, Pepper. Hides in a tree for the night.

---

Though when he falls asleep, he winds up having another nightmare about Burning Alive on that tree. He panics, and fumbles to get OUT of that tree- he falls flat on his face and gets knocked out.

---

“You’re awake. It’s May. May Ledbetter.”

Scout: OH COME ON Jack: Do you think we have amnesia??

“Oh and they brought us back here?! THANKS.” - response to the Farmer picking us up and bringing us back to May.

---

We check Silbury street, find it empty when Scout finally suggests "Let's just fuckin snoop through their house!"

We do just that, and after a series of checks we discover a basement full of random suitcases, all with name tags. Consider this a "I FUCKING KNEW IT" moment, we are going to be Killed here! We then are on the move to LEAVE once again!

---

-At one of the exits of the town, where locals are now Guarding them-

Jack: Okay, it says they might be dumb enough to slip past. We have a good persuade skill! Scout: Alright! Jack, flipping to the next page: FUCK it's fast talk WE'RE DOOMED-

---

Soo yeah Pepper is captured and put into a lil place to hold sight for our reckoning. Woman comes by to give us water, Scout says not to trust that shit.

In-lore, notes elected that the Jack Voice made Pepper knock it away.

---

Hours later, we're brought out for the Festival aka the sacrifice ritual. By this point being marched to the beacon, Pepper’s mind is running wild, as voices (us) are Screaming incoherently from panic. We got so attached in about 2 hours.

The ritual starts, we're chained to the beacon. Dancers are out and about doing ritual stuff, when one of them appears to us (after combing more thoroughly, we realize this was Ruth! If we passed an appearance check, she would've recognized us and told us to Wait until the flames were high enough- she loosened the chains)

However, Pepper does not know this, but conveniently kept failed his Strength checks to break the chains (his strength is 40) until the VERY last minute, when his legs were burnt and crispy, and on his LAST sliver of health!

He breaks free, when I rolled EXACTLY 40 (We are Screaming like banshees) and Pepper runs off with all the Cult Town distracted thinking we're dying in the fire. We run off, and find- A Bike.

---

Jack, shaking as I scramble to read: we can continue running, or turn to look back at the town as it burns- Scout: FUCK THAT, Keep Running!

We didn't loose any sanity from watching Cthugah burn down the town, so overall smart choices!

---

We didn't originally bother to look back, and rode off into the distance as in a rage, Cthugha rained chaos down on the town for a lack of sacrifice and a botched ritual.

EPILOGUE/POST-GAME STUFF

Going through the book post-game, Scout and I wound up editing some things to add into Pepper's story that we hadn't quite covered and thought would add nice narrative elements.

---

First thing, a day or so after the voice chat, I literally asked Scout whilst in a Laundromat- "Hey. Would you be opposed if I gave Pepper a boyfriend? I think he deserves one."

Scout was all the way down for it, and after a bit of brainstorming we got "Jo Winters".

-'Jo' from the fact I joked Pepper was like Henry Stein, so we matched it with Joey Drew. WINTERS however- that was a happy accident because we originally did not run into the mayor, and I legit just googled "Odd Last Names from 1920s" and went "Ooo that's a nice name!"

-Jo Winters is a blond, tall man working at the Arkham Gazette as a reporter. He is a very flirty, fun-going man with a very large Italian family. And because of the accidental name sharing, Jo is unfortunately related to Mayor Winters from Emberhead.

-And because I'm cruel, I decided that Jo looks A LOT like his uncle, Clyde. And he's a bit into the occult, but he's at least Nice about it. (He HATES wearing glasses because then the resemblance is uncanny)

-On a nicer note, Jo and Pepper have a hilarious pining stage of Pepper being a himbo who cannot. Take a hint of that fact Jo is very much so into him and flirting at any chance. Scout said "they are pining for at LEAST 9 months. And that's generous."

Jo: Those new slacks look good on you, Pepper! Pepper: Thank you, I got them half off ^^ Jo: They'd look better 100% off~ Pepper: ... That's a terrible business practice?? The Voices: *inhale* B O Y

Jack: SMOOCH THAT REPORTER- Scout: GET THAT REPORTER DICK, PEPPER-

---

Secondly, we did immediately want to change the ending of "Against the Flames" and have Pepper save and adopt Ruth Ledbetter. So.

-Ruth escaped the crowd and was trying to put her arm out (the sleeve caught fire) and Pepper stopped what he was doing to help her. After that was taken care of, he just SCOOPED her up and booked it out of town. After ensuring she had no other place to go, he wound up taking her to Arkham to give her a new life.

-They both also look similar, as the Ledbetter's had reddish hair, so Pepper was easily able to pass her off as his little sister.

Like a YEAR later we combed through the book again for more lore, and realized with complete and utter horror that: Ruth's father was sacrificed a year ago, and Ruth KNEW she was next after Pepper.

Us: *typing in the shared document* Therapy For Ruth.

-She is like, deeply traumatized. Selectively mute, both her and Pepper have Pyrophobia after Emberhead. Though, with time Ruth does start to learn how to be an Actual kid again, especially being given her own bedroom and space.

---

So yeah, that's the bare basics to understand Scout and I's actual son, who we love and adore, Pepper Osborn! He's since been demoted to a background NPC in the Arkham Outskirts campaign, mostly because we're afraid of his demise and his two-player status complicating things a bit, as I am usually the Keeper of Outskirts related scenarios. But he makes an appearance here and there as investigators visit the Arkham Gazette for information! Such as Paper Chase, and Edge of Darkness!

And here's hoping for several more scenarios in the future, and even spin-off AU stories! ;)

[clocks-are-round]

WHAT THE FUCK. After finding that last snippet I did more digging in my google docs. what the fuckk hahaha

it’s titled “april fools” from March 2022, so like exactly two years ago. i have cued it for the next April 1st

some things are best left unpublished but frankly i don’t like to take that much psychic damage and NOT inflict it on the next idly curious RvB fan.

i remember now, i was going to write a fic with the most bastardized fandomy takes on each character possible but i legitimately can’t tell if that psa was a real attempt at that or if i physically could not bring myself to (likely) and went for the easier to deal with ‘react to fandom’ instead

Prepare for lots of Donut innuendos

(it’s not actually that bad, i very much did back out of the initial concept immediately, it just caught me really off guard haha)

——

I’m going t o fucking c r y. this was pain to write. (first thing i wrote. haven’t even written the fic yet)

fandom cringe versions plZ i hate it

Simmons: ;w; anxiety boi

Grif: uwu sleepy boi

Caboose: owo can do no wrong boi

Donut: owo can do no wrong femboi

i don’t know if i can do this. holy shit. i know it’s for april fools but if it causes pain to write aren’t i the fool?

ImPorTaNt RvB PSA

Simmons: Hi everyone, I’m Dick Simmons from popular webseries Red vs Blue.

Grif: And I’m Dexter Grif from the same show.

Caboose: And I am Caboose

Simmons: … Hi Caboose.

Caboose: What are we talking about today?

Caboose: And now, the weather! Spoiler, it is rain.

Simmons: Uh… No idea how to segue that back. So, we’re supposed to read these fan stories. This first one is about me and Grif it looks like, and– Wait, wait what??

Grif: What? What is it, let me see. *starts laughing hysterically*

Simmons: *flustered* What is this mushy gushy romance stuff? I’d just– I’d just like to set the record straight that if I did hypothetically have feelings for a person that I knew I totally wouldn’t do that. I mean, pine for somebody? For a decade? That’s some bullshit, any self-respecting person would move on in that amount of time–

Lopez: [Honestly, you two are not subtle. Even I’ve noticed and I try my hardest to ignore you all.]

Grif: You would! You would act like that around a crush! Holy shit, they nailed you, Simmons!

Donut: Did someone say Donut?

Donut: Wait a minute! Fanfiction?? Those are my people! Let me host this one please please please? I’ll be the hostess with the mostest! I’ll put my Donut whole into it!

Simmons: Yeah, I need to go bleach my eyes, so be my guest.

Grif: And I just wanted to watch Simmons die as he read all this. It’s no fun if it’s you, Donut.

Donut: Well, I’m excited. I can’t wait to read how deep they’ve penetrated into you and Simmons’ relationship! Looks like you two are in a lot of these.

Simmons: Lalala I can’t hear you. I can’t hear anything and therefore do not need to respond to any awkward topics.

Donut: Ooh, they’re all romantic.

Grif: Oh god, yeah, let’s go.

Doc: Could I be co-host? I haven’t helped host one of these in forever!

Donut: I thought you didn’t like this kind of thing?

Doc: Well, we’re keeping it PG, I’ll be just fine.

Donut: Ehhhh

Doc: Donut. We’re keeping it PG, right? *O’Malley* I hope not. I’d like to see some carnage. Shut up, you fool. It’s fiction. *Doc* I didn’t say anything. *O’Malley* You were about to chastise me.

Donut: Depends… does PG stand for pornogr–

Doc: Donut! *O’Malley* Or pussy grande. *Doc* O’Malley! There’s way more out there than just smut! Even in the romance genre there are comedies, introspective pieces, adventure, slice-of-life, drama…

Donut: Well, yeah, but I figured we could do a little of everything.

Lopez: [Jesus christ, just choose one. I’m going to burn this anyways.]

Donut: Good idea, Lopez! Burn it to discs! We can send them out as audiobooks!

Lopez: [I meant in a fire.]

Donut: Yeah, it is a fire idea, Lopez. Jeez, now you’re just fishing for compliments. *clears throat*

Doc: We’re doing a “safe for work” one, right? *O’Malley mutters* You are a wet, wretched blanket. I hope you know that.

Donut: Yeah, yeah. Jeez. Now I have to clear my throat dramatically again! *clears throat*

——

you know what? fuck it. this is about in line with my other fake psas maybe i’ll complete it and post it on ao3. eventually. on an april 1st, naturally lol

[7-ate-9]

So yesterday I rewatched two documentaries on Woodstock 99, because I still think it’s possibly the most interesting thing to happen in recent history. A bunch of white boys in their late teens to early twenties becoming an actual real life Lord of the Flies. And I have many thoughts and no one to share them with, so I will shout them into the void that is tumblr.

First, Lord of the Flies. Anger and freedom and no responsibility or authority. It becomes chaos. And I was thinking about how sometimes when teachers teach the book, they do a sort of experiment where they leave the class alone and see if they go crazy, and they never do. And part of that is because Lord of the Flies is about privileged white boys. But another part of it is the conception of authority; even if the teacher isn’t there, they’re still an authority figure and kids aren’t going to just go wild. You often see the delinquent teens just going insane right in front of school staff, but teens aren’t like that. Maybe they used to be twenty or thirty or eighty years ago, but the truth is that most “delinquent” teens just don’t care.

Now for another main thought that mostly just makes me angry for no reason. Fred Durst. Annoying as all hell. I’ve never really listened to Limp Bizkit but every clip they used just grated on my ears. And everyone kept saying something along the lines of “Fred Durst was the voice of the people there.” And every time he spoke, and especially every time he sang or rapped, all I could think was that he sounded like a whiny little white boy. He looked like a whiny little white boy. He literally was whining into the microphone in a weird high-pitched voice about how today’s not a good day and he wants to break some shit. And this is the person everyone felt was relatable? No wonder it all fell apart the way it did.

Now, if we’re being honest, each Woodstock was kind of disastrous. The first Woodstock in 1969 is remembered as this great beautiful thing, but there were difficulties. Woodstock 94 was probably the best, which is saying something considering it made no profit. And 99 was… well.

And you have to wonder why. Coachella happens every year and doesn’t end in riots, unlike two of the three Woodstock festivals. Because there were some small riots at Woodstock 69. So what was it? Was it just the Michael Lang of it all? Was it the effects of the counter culture of the time?

And why is Woodstock 69 remembered as an idyllic dream, and 99 is remembered as Lord of the Flies come to life? Why did it end that way?

The way I see it is that Woodstock 69 was an event to bring people together who were united for a cause: ending US involvement in the Vietnam war. The festival was a response to the cause. There were people organizing a free food tent. There were people who’d brought their children. They were unified under the banner saying peace, love, and music. They were embracing a counter culture that was calling for peace.

Woodstock 99 wasn’t that. Michael Lang wanted to say it was for the cause of gun violence, but nobody was there for ending gun violence. In fact, a good portion of the people there probably didn’t give a single shit about it. They weren’t there for a cause, they were there for music. They didn’t give a shit about the cause. And most importantly, they were embracing a counter culture that was screaming their anger.

These people weren’t there for peace, they were there for rock music. There was no sense of authority. It was lawless and without repercussions. And that resulted in disaster. I won’t even touch on the rampant misogyny and superiority complexes and what that resulted in. All I’ll say is the Offspring frontman Dexter Holland saw it and addressed it to a quarter mil people, and it didn’t do shit.

There weren’t enough arrests made. These men turned into rioters, rapists, arsonists, and thieves, over the course of just three days. And you could spend another hundred years studying the psychology of it all and still not come up with one reason for the disaster. But it’s a part of history that shouldn’t be ignored, because Lord of the Flies came to life, exacerbated in its ferocity by rock music and 250,000 people. Just disappointing.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Scara, puppet reader, and Albedo forming a trio of artificial life abandoned by their creators lol.

But a friendship between Tighnari and puppet reader would be lovely. Think of all the botany lessons Tighnari teaches them when they ask for help. Puppet reader taking notes and he lends them books is a very nice thing. Tighnari could try using gold paint to see how kintsugi would look on him first even if the potential pain of tattooing scares him off. At this rate, who else is gonna get struck by lightning from an Inazuman immortal??? And live with scars? Tighnari and puppet reader forming a support group.

Video montage of Scara personally going out of his way to forage for the ring materials himself cause he’s a dedicated husband like that. He has to make sure the qualities are up to his standards.

I honestly have to resist the urge to make more jokes because of how Scara and puppet reader are related. It’s just too easy to comment on how Scara really is keeping things in the family or how you can tell they come from rather aristocratic backgrounds because of how cousin marriages are so prevalent in those circles (really fascinating to read about actually! There’s a bunch of cultural and time era related reasons for it. Actually, the world building in Genshin would be so interesting if we knew more about stuff like this. My anthropology loving brain would go haywire. Like it’s unfortunate for Scara but I can imagine before the wedding (and this wedding pic) when he has the first drawing of them, someone might ask who it is and the first time Scara says his family, he learns real quick to say puppet reader is *his* because that person asked if puppet reader was single and willing to mingle. That person got the chance to mingle with Scara’s rage. How dare they covet the waifu of his laifu? The sheath to his sword - omg the Aranara banging pots and pans because if they can’t get sleep (do they sleep??) because of Scara and puppet reader then Scara and puppet reader won’t get sleep because of them!

Bloom anon

THE FACT THAT 70% OF THIS POST IS IN STRIKE THROUGH HAHAHAHA HO BOY

To start, still a huge advocator of Scarabedo, but also now that they're free from the Fatui, puppet reader would definitely be in need of a new 'doctor' for when they do need maintenance. Cue Albedo, master of artificial life

And yes that's exactly what I was thinking, getting botany lessons from Tighnari and visiting your wip garden whenever he patrols the area, that is the most supportive friend ever. And maybe not paint because well he's gonna have a hard time reaching those back areas no matter how dexterous he is (hey you don't gotta do Tomo like that sksksksksks technically Traveler is part of that support group, while Kazuha and Thoma are honorable mentions)

ACTUALLY THIS REMINDS ME can Scara even harvest ores since he's a catalyst hahaha please please can his burst do that, hoyoverse please make this canon

Aaaand here's the first cousin discussion, don't read if uncomfy: You and your out of pocket jokes again bloom ahahhaha but honestly, this is kind of one of the reasons why reader is Makoto's creation and not Ei's sksksks I knew of the law and made precautions for over thinkers. But also must point out that they're not really biological beings in the first place, their creators are gods even, oh wait mythology incest oh no-

One good thing about this tho that they wouldn't have to worry about offspring complications brought about by inbreeding since they're not capable of conception! And the hilarious implications of "yeah they're family-family, no you can't date them, they're mine did you not hear me"

Sheath to his sword GDI BLOOM AHAHAHAHA DON'T DO EM DIRTY LIKE THAT, YOU'RE MAKING ME THINK THINGS TOO NOOOO

[thesocietyporg]

Okay I’ve watched Ghosted and here are my thoughts!

(that nobody asked for 😅).

Disclaimer, this movie gets a pass because it reunited Chris and Sebastian (and Mackie) and because Chris is SO DARN PRETTY with that beard and fluffy hair. 🥵

Firstly I’ll start with what I wasn’t so keen on and get that out of the way:

( don’t go into this movie expecting high art, don’t think too deeply about anything on screen and you won’t be disappointed)

- Almost all the problems I had with the movie I attribute to the bad script and bad direction (Sorry Dexter and co 😬).

- Unfortunately the character Chris is playing is let down by the writing, at times he’s just an unlikeable character.

- I wish they could have found a better plot device to get him to London and involved with Sadie’s mission without resorting to him stalking her . I think it would have been better if Sadie and Cole had been kidnapped near the end of their first date and Cole was just dragged along for the ride (and just ditched the whole ‘Ghosted’ concept- the title didn’t really pay off anyway)

- They made Cole a walking red flag 🚩 basically

- And I’m sorry to all the fans of Chris and Ana together, but I just don’t see the chemistry that all the other characters are talking about. Note: if you keep telling the audience that they have chemistry and sexual tension it doesn’t make it more believable 🫣

- I know it’s a rom com, but at times it’s just really saccharine and cheesy, especially at the beginning.

- The wigs are terrible and very distracting at times 😅

- Overall I think the movie just takes itself too seriously, it would have been much funnier if they had gone down the route of being a spoof and satire.

Okay now onto the things I loved about this movie :

- Chris is unbelievably hot, he looks really good here and I can’t wait for all the talented people on tumblr to gif it to death

- I think Ana and Chris did the best with what they had to work with. I think they could have given much better performances if they had better material.

- I think Chris showed good comedic ability at different points throughout the movie (and with stronger direction would have been really good and consistently funny) I think he was plenty believable as a fish out of water, naive and slightly goofy, small town boy !

- Seeing Chris as a farmer really did things to me 😩 why does he look so hot in waders standing in water?? In a beekeepers outfit ??? Seriously this man can make anything look hot 🥵

- I thought the actress who played his sister was really good 😊

And the main event !

Drum roll 🥁 we got a SEBASTIAN CAMEO !!!

The movie is at its best when they aren’t taking themselves too seriously - that’s why the part with John, Seb and Anthony is personally my favourite part.

Seeing Sebastian back on screen with Chris, looking like a stucky AU was like fanfiction come to life (that’s why this movie gets a pass regardless of messy plot holes 😂) . I don’t know what else to say that hasn’t already been said, but it just makes me so happy 😁

Seb proved again that he’s good at the comedy schtick! (I really hope his action-comedy movie happens now🤞🏼) and he also looked sexy as hell with the tousled hair and bangs. They both are truly too beautiful for their own good, on screen together they are powerful and overwhelming (that’s why he had to die so quickly 😉) PLEASE release behind the scenes of this!!! Dexter, I know I called your directing crappy, but pretty please 🥺

Also wtf was the Ryan Reynolds cameo?? It wasn’t even funny and completely unnecessary

[bethanythebogwitch]

5e subclasses I wish were better

D&D 5e's subclass system is really cool and a great addition to the game. However, inevitably, some options will be better than others. There are several subclasses that have super cool flavor or potential that they don't live up to. I'm going to discuss several of them any some quick and dirty ideas on how they could be improved.

From the artificer we have the alchemist, which isn't a bad subclass, but I don't think it captures my fantasy of what an alchemist could be. It tries to be a hybrid of blaster and supporter and I think it falls short. I think the alchemist could benefit from having more customization options with the potions it creates and not having those potions be tied to a roll to see what you get. Something like a potion version of the artificer's replicate magic item feature would be nice, so they could make specific potions for the right circumstances. Like if you need to be sneaky but one member of the party is a tank in heavy armor with piss-poor dexterity, the alchemist could whip up a potion of cat's grace. Additionally, I think letting them make something like Minecraft's splash potions could be cool. They could throw a potion at an enemy to apply effects like blindness or vulnerability on them or throw them at allies to aid from distance. As is, I think the alchemist is just a worse life cleric with a few extra feature.

Barbarian has a few mediocre subclasses, but two I think do not match how cool they sound are the storm herald and the beast. The storm herald sounds so cool: a barbarian that channels the power and fury of a storm! What we got instead was basically a totem warrior but the choices are much less impactful. I think the fix for this one is to just power up the storm choices to make them more powerful and on par with other barbarians. The beast barbarian might be the most dissipointing for me. When I think of a beast barbarian I think of some werewolf: the apocalypse-style furious force of nature, and that is not what we got. I can sum up my problems with this barbarian in one sentence: if you want to make a character based around unarmed combat, the things they can do with unarmed combat need to be be equal to or better than what they dan do by picking up a weapon. The natural weapon options for the beast barbarian are all pretty mediocre. They are out-damaged by a great weapon, the healing you get from the teeth is pathetic, and the tail's reach is made obsolete by picking up a polearm. They also become even more obsolete when magic weapons come into play. I think the beast should be redesigned from the ground up to be useful, giving it actual werewolf powers that boost its damage and give it more utility. It is good at exploration though.

The whispers bard is really cool in concept, but I think it falls short, especially when compared to other bards. Its coolest feature is the ability to transform into someone who just died, but as written it's super limiting because you only keep the disguise for a long rest and the person has to die. What's worse is that any other bard can almost completely replicate this ability. Consider this: I play an eloquence bard and pick up disguise self and maybe speak with dead. I can now disguise myself as someone else whenever I want, learn about the person if they're dead, and since its basically impossible for eloquence bards to fail a persuasion/intimidation/deception check, nobody will figure out its a disguise without magic. And I get all the crazy good benefits of being an eloquence bard on top of that. Fixing the whispers bard would require making the disguises much better, maybe letting you assume a previous disguise whenever you want would help.

I think the spores druid suffers from trying to fill two roles and not being the best at either of the. It wants to be a front-line fighter and a necromancer at the same time, but isn't that good at necromancy and the moon druid beats it up and takes its lunch money at front-lining. I think the spores druid should have ignored the front-line aspects and gine all in on necromancy. The idea of a front-line druid is good, but it should be its own thing. To make it stand out from the moon druid, this druid could have ways to customize its combat forms and maybe get good armor and weapons, giving more flexibility than the moon druid gets.

I think the two worst fighters are the arcane archer and the purple dragon knight. The arcane archer isn't bad, but it is a worse version of another option. If you play a battle master and use a bow, you are a better arcane archer than the arcane archer. The arcane archer does get some abilities battle masters don't but battle masters get the additional benefit that if they get into a melee fight and have to use a sword, they don't immediately lose all their cool features. The purple dragon knight tries to be a support fighter, which is a cool, but the execution is awful because its support features are tied to other fighter features rather than being something they can just do. I think a commander style fighter who can give other characters orders and support them in battle would be awesome, but it would have to be redesigned from the ground up.

Mons in general need some major boosts. Unfortunately with onednd coming, I din't see us getting a book that does for monks what Tasha's did for rangers. One of the biggest problems can be seen when comparing monks to sorcerers. A sorcerer who runs out of sorcery points is still a perfectly good caster while a monk who runs out of ki points becomes vastly worse. I think to help the monk in general they should either get more ki points or a lot of features should be detached from ki points so they don't run out as fast. For example, you could remove flurry of blows as a feature entirely and instead give monks way more attacks. Lie they could start with 2 hit multiattack at lv 1 and scale fast from there. This would help keep ki points from running out as fast and free up the bonus action for other cool stuff. A lot of monk subclasses suffer from their core features also using ki points. This means that those features compete with flurry of blows and stunning strike for your ki point usage and will make you run out faster. Two subclasses that especially show this problem are the four elements and astral self. Both need to spend so much ki on using their cool new features that they'll run out so much faster than other monks, who can remain useful longer. I think that the four elements monk should get spell slots instead of spending ki on their spell-like effects and the astral self should be able to pull up their stand astral body for free. The sun soul and ascendent dragon also need to be redesigned from the ground up to not be complete ass.

For ranger I think all the subclasses except hunter are now good thanks to tasha's. I will say that the lore for the hunter is basically nonexistent and it and the monster slayer could be fused into one subclass and probably be better.

For rogues the inquisitive is just non-viable when used in any game i've run or played in because it relies on a style of investigation and investigation in combat that nobody I've ever played with uses. The mastermind is cool as a support rogue, but I think it needs stronger features that play into a style making it a great planner and supporter.

Most of the sorcerer classed are fine but several of them, particularly the dragon and storm sorcerers, have been hit hard by power creep and have fallen behind. I think every pre-Tasha's subclass needs an expanded spell list to bring it up to the level of the aberrant mind, clockwork soul, and lunar sorcerers. This would also really help dragon and storm sorcerers, who benefit from using spells of a certain damage type. Getting those spells for free would ensure they always get spells that benefit from their abilities without using up their precious few known spells. The dragon sorcerer should also get updated to allow for gem dragons to be used as your ancestors. I'm honestly surprised Fizban's didn't do this.

All wizards are good but I have an issue with the school of X subclasses. I feel like a wizard that specializes in one particular school of magic should feel like they are better at using that school than anyone else. I don't get that with the conjuration or transmutation wizards. Conjuration wizards aren't better conjurers than any other wizard, same for transmutation wizards. For the conjuration wizards, I know the dev team was afraid of making minions overpowered and overreacted by nerfing subclasses like the conjuration wizard and beastmaster ranger. I don't know why the transmutation wizard gets so few good features. I think they should get features that improve their conjuration and transmutation spells, respectively. Conjuration wizards should buff their summons and transmutation wizards should get something that could let them... transform better? borrow wildshape? I'm not sure, but it could definitely be better than what we got. Graviturgy wizards suffer from having multiple abilities tied to conjuration, forcing you to choose between using your subclass features and great wizard spells that are usually better. War wizards try to be a combination of abjuration and evocation wizards and just end up being worse than either. They should get better abilities from both subclasses, plus maybe some fighter stuff to represent them being trained for war, like armor proficiency and maybe even action surge. 2 levels of fighter to pick up action surge and armor is a pretty common multiclass for wizards anyway so why not give one wizard that option officially? Wizards live and die more on their spell selection so subclasses aren't as big of a deal for them as it is for other classes. Still, wizard subclasses with cool powers like divination, chronurgy, scribes, and bladesingers do tend to stand out and be more interesting.

[baaaa-king]

I just read "SPHINX AU LORE DUMP".

I have to say, I really like the second concept. I don't see enought overt urban fantasy settings in fiction. (i mean urban fantasy where the magic/magical creatures are well known part of the day-to-day life.)

Also I am sucker for xenofiction. I wonder how the sphinx accomodations would look like.

What is your interpretation for sphinx's anatomy?

I get that thier front paws have to serve for walking but how good are they for holding things? Do sphinxes have, like hands with thubms and such?

Can they fly?

Outside of the fact that there is scarisity of them, and they speak modern egyptian, do you have any cultural worlbuilding for sphynx culture?

Also, also, "time traveler lost in the future". I don't see enought of that as well.

Hey, Sorry for the late answer! I'm in my final year of Uni so very busy.

I'm Very Glad you like the Modern Au! I enjoy a lot of Urban Fantasy as well and would love to see more o it in media other than Percy Jackson and the like.

1.) Sphinx accommodation.

Sphinx accommodation is always a wide, open plan at base. Most of them are derived from Wild cats of all type, which require vast amounts of space in order to be comfortable. So Sphinx homes are most of the time Wide, tall and have very little walls and pillars designed for separation, except in the cases of bedrooms and bathrooms.

Sphinx bathrooms are more like indoor pools than anything else.

They are designed to be spacious enough to allow for multiple large individuals bathe at the same time. Places where a large amount of sphinx gather instead have whole bath houses for them instead of one giant pool per resident.

Living rooms Are still wide with plenty of space and furniture is often arranged off to the side and along the walls. Couches and chairs for sphinxes are made with their Bipedal-Quadrupedal (from now on bi-quad) structure in mind. That is to say they are mostly long benches and L-shaped couches. Imagine a Roman dining room, but more modern and spaced out.

2.) Sphinx anatomy.

Modern sphinx anatomy is generally like that of a sphinx in mythology, sans the wings and fore paws staying fully animal like. I can't really explain it well, but i suggest you look up @jayrockin 's Runaway to the stars, especially their types pf humans. They also have sphinx which are essentially what i try to explain here.

This post specifically gives a very accurate depiction of what i imagine modern Sphinx to be like anatomically. Ancient sphinx are really just the same as they are in the myths.

Their front paws are just as good as human sausage fingers! If you lay your hand on a surface flat but put your thumb the exact position as the other fingers, that's what it's like for the to walk on all fours. So yeah they can grab and operate tech with the same dexterity of a human, but most things for other species are custom built for their anatomy. Y/N and the boys go about their daily lives just fine.

Yes, Modern Sphinx can fly! It's a racial skill activated by very little magic that manifests as wings made of light.

3.) Cultural World Building.

Most of Sphinx culture is dependent on where they originated from and their subspecies.Though the Sphinx as a species originated in Egypt, they were wide spread and culturally integrated into all parts of Africa before European colonization. Y/N's family was one of the few sphinx families that were not actually displaced round the world an remained in Egypt. It's only recently that their parents moved to America and had Y/N. Y/N is the most common sub-specie of sphinx, a lion sphinx. Therefore they have lion-like behaviors translated into cultural values like being highly social and hard working.

In short a lion Sphinx from Nigeria is going to have cultural differences from a lion Sphinx from South Africa. And a Nigerian lion Sphinx will be different from a Nigerian Tiger Sphinx, even if they are the same ethnic group and from the same culture within that ethnic group.

As for the 'Time traveler lost in the future' bit you don't see? well, it's cuz:

a) Sun and Moon in this au are very fast learners, so are able to understand and adapt to circumstances better than normal.

b) They have Y/N and the internet! A modern individual who took time off from their normal life to help them catch up and learn the basics made transitioning much easier for them.

c) I am yet to come up with early day shenanigans of their clueless.

Sorry for the long Post! Brain rot is a wild thing.