#SAOA

[causalityparadoxes]

SAOA's new ep about two siblings with a hella toxic relationship realising they had never really hated each other and instead were driven apart by decisions made by their family (seexist grandpa and mom worried about her son's asthma respectively), then componded by their respective personalities causing miscommunication, and exacerbated by minimal parental oversight, that is so entrenched in their psychs that both assume them other is out to get them at every point, yet they both WANT to make it better but at every turn taking those first steps seems impossible,,, was really neat!

Unfortunately it has also harrowingly reminded me that the original plot was about the sister's insest crush 💀

[teleportationmagic]

Kazuto and Suguha

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

During one of I.M.P's job's someone witnessing their dealings and Blitzø is trying to calm them down.

Blitzø: Hey, I get it. You had a really bad day, you're stressed out, 7 people died- Witness: 12 people! Blitzø: Not the point. Look, they're dead now... And really? Who's fault is that? Witness: YOURS! Blitzø: That's right! No one's...

[devi-nova]

sword art online abridged honestly has better writing than any currently airing tv show anywhere i will die on this fucking hill, watch it right now, do it instantly, the newest episode stabbed me 87 times in the stomach, why do episodes take a year to make please god this cliffhanger is insane

[jamsofdeath0]

sword art online abridged and re-zero land in like the same niche of critique on common isekai tropes. and it's kind of interesting because Sao proper both is and isn't an isekai. It isn't literally "in another world" story. but it has so many of the tropes, some of which it made is, that it might as well be classified with the common perception of isekai.

[sausage-rolll]

Thinking about how Kayaba and Kirito's character arcs mirror each other really well in SAOA.

Kayaba, despite trying his best to help the people he trapped in the game and to be a good person, eventually fell into nihilism and hatred for humanity, spiralling to the point where he’ll directly murder innocent people for no reason other than feeling like it.

While Kirito tries his absolute best to be a cold, nihilistic horrible person but eventually breaks when his genuinely good qualities get forced to the surface by the people around him. Despite his best efforts he is, deep down, a good person who wants to do the right thing.

They both start and end the series on opposite sides of the same spectrum.

[tachvintlogic]

In Sword Art Online Abridged episode 17 at the time 17:04, there's a moment where there are two people and one of them says "I don't mean to brag but... I'm deathly allergic to the latex~~"

Which is just a bizarre line for some random background character to say, but it goes deeper than that. In the post-mortem stream for the episode at the time 2:28:32, they mention that the second person was supposed to have a line in response, but they never got someone to voice the other character so they just cut it even though it was a great line.

What was the other person supposed to say in response?

"Oh, how exotic."

And that line has been bouncing around in my head ever since because it's fucking amazing and it should've been in the episode because— just— what?! How is that a brag? Why are you saying it so flirtatiously? Why is the other person into it? How is that hot?????? How is being allergic to latex exotic????????

[susie-dreemurr]

By the way “Enjoy this while you can, it’s the deepest you’ll ever be in a woman” being your final words after you got stabbed in the throat is honestly the best way to go. SAO Abridged Parody Rosalia, my beloved.

[approximateknowledge]

sao abridged did a lot of things and one of those is making me completely lose my shit every time i see or hear anyone ever use the word "sport" to address someone (like you'd say "pal" or "kid")

[eternitas]

i cant talk to anybody about this so i am SCREAMING this into the vpid

So. The newest episode of the Sword Art Online Abridged series is out.

And I watched it.

And now I have to reevaluate my life

The VAs for Suguha and Kirito nailed that so hard its gonna be able to support a 3 story structure. Holy shit.

Especially LennonDrake as Suguha. What the fuuuuuck, that was so good.

The writing was so on point, the timing was perfect and I am just---

I guess I am just amazed?

Being usually subjected to lazy jokes and subpar writing that tries to outsmart the watcher to pull a "wow you didnt see that coming huh?!" moment, no matter how stupid and unreasonable it is, and moments of characters being aweful to each other for a really bad punchline that isnt even funny but just cruel, i didnt expect a parody like that to... Be so well written. Yeah they already hit it out of the park with the first season but even there they kept it mostly lighthearted and slightly cynical. And this time they just... Didnt. And for the better of it.

I grew up an only child. But from some point in my life i gained something like a sister in my cousine after her mother died and she just stayed with us. And i always wished we could be closer and understand each other better. I felt often like i was alone because she couldnt understand that my depression makes me incapable of functioning like a normal person. And at some point I had to face that I longed for something that just wasnt reality.

Watching Suguha and Kirito have this confrontation where both dont really understand each other and finally clash, because they... Wish to be siblings but drifted apart with resentment in their hearts-- Man that hit home.

I mean I KNEW the series had solid writing. And i knew they were building up to it but I guess i didnt expect THIS level of quality. The dialogue was heartfelt and real the exposition through it was absolutely organic, the Voice Actor performance was brilliant-

Damn. Damn I... Gotta sit down.

Wow.

[heyheydidjaknow]

Sometimes I write stuff because people ask me to. Sometimes I write stuff because I have an overwhelming desire to pick a character apart to figure out how they work. This is not one of those times. This time, this fic goes out to middle school me, who wanted to read SAO:A Kirito x Reader fanfiction and had to settle for normal Kirito x Reader fanfiction. Nobody is going to read this and that is fine because this is between me and little me. It’s not very good but at least now it exists. You’re welcome, little me.

Pig’s Blood

Kazuto Kirigaya was objectively the biggest loser you had ever met. Naturally, you were incredibly infatuated with him.

You did not know much about Kazuto. The only reason you sat next to him in the first place was that you were new to the area and the seats next to him were consistently empty. Your conversations were limited— he was exceptionally socially awkward— and the conversations you did have lasted maybe a minute each. You knew he was into coding through someone who tried to convince you not to ask him out, that he had a sister determined to make you not like him, and that he sat alone under the stairs at lunch. But the interactions you did have— as infrequent as they were— made your day; he was charming and had not hurt anyone you knew directly, so as far as you were concerned he was fair game and a fairly decent option despite the fact that your friends all thought he was as charming as a doormat.

You came into class that day confidently, groomed to the best of your abilities, and dressed as well as the school dress code would allow. You sat next to him as always, tapped him on the shoulder, and asked a very simple question: “You’re not in a relationship, right?”

Kazuto, who had been scrolling through his phone up until that point with earbuds placed securely in his ears, turned to look at you, obviously distracted as he pulled one of them out. “Sorry, what was that?”

“Are you single?”

He blinked. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Because I would like to ask you out on a date.”

He stared at you, lips twitching into a smile. “Yeah,” he laughed incredulously, “okay.” He went back to his phone. “And why, pray tell, would you want to do that?”

“Because I like you.” You shrugged, feeling slightly deflated but not completely discouraged. “I think you’re funny and cute and smart. I would like to get to know you better and see if a relationship between us might work.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure you do.” He rested his head on his hand. “Our school doesn’t have a prom; do you plan on dumping pig's blood on me before or after the date?”

“Excuse me?”

“This is a trap.” Either he was an exceptionally fast reader or he was not actually reading what was on his phone. “I saw you were talking to my sister; she probably set you up to humiliate me.”

You stared at him.

“I can pay attention.”

“You’re a clown.”

He paused. “That’s a weird way of saying, ‘I’m sorry for trying to—‘“

“Here I was,” you cut him off, “worried that you would just up and reject me and that I would be stuck sitting next to you if you did. Never in my wildest nightmares did I think that your reaction would be, ‘Say sike.’” You rubbed your eyes, already thoroughly exhausted by this conversation. “Kazuto, if you’re not interested, please just say instead of making yourself look like a moron, alright? You’re embarrassing both of us.”

“You were serious?”

“Yes!”

“Oh.” His eyes were unfocused as he processed this information. “Oh. You’re into me?”

You let your head fall to your desk. “Yes.”

His ears visibly warmed. “Still?”

“Am I still engaging?”

“Great.” He nodded slowly. “Can I take you up on your offer, then?”

“That depends; do you genuinely think I’m going to spill pig’s blood on you?”

“If you knew my sister you’d understand.”

“Sure.” Without looking, you made a grabbing motion for his phone. “Gimme. I’ll put my number in your phone.”

“You what?”

“I have a date.” He gave himself another once over. “So I’m not going to be back until later.”

Sugaha leaned against the opposite wall, looking with him. “Playing dating sims in an internet cafe isn’t a date, you know.”

Kazuto took a slow, deep breath. “How about you shut the fuck up?” He looked back at her, smiling brightly. “Your words do not affect me. You will not bring me down.”

“Oh, I’m not trying to bring you down.” She raised her arms in mock defense. “I mean, you are dressed in your finest, least cum-stained t-shirt, so obviously this is a big deal. I’m just reminding you that we in the real world just call that being sad in public and that calling it a date just makes it that much sadder.”

His ears burned. “It was one time.”

She grinned. “One time too many.”

He huffed, turning back to the mirror. “I’m going on a date with a real person.”

“Yeah?” She snorted. “Do they think you’re a twelve-year-old girl again?”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s not a no.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “They go to our school.”

She crossed her arms. “How much did you pay them?”

He licked his teeth. “If you’re so cool, where's your date?”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t need one. You know why? Because people would notice my death even if I did die single.”

“And you know what they’d say at the funeral? ‘Here lies Sugaha Kirigaya, a bitch so far up her own ass that she couldn’t let her brother be happy for five fucking minutes.’ Is that what you want?”

She gave him a long look in the mirror. “‘Here lies noncommittal flake bitchboy Kazuto Kirigaya, whose only accomplishment was holding the world record for fewest bitches.’”

There was a knock on the door.

“It appears our time here is up.” He clapped his hands together, already exhausted. “So long, fair well, and please for the love of god do not wait up for me.”

She rolled her eyes, waving her hand dismissively as she disappeared down the hall. “Bold of you to assume I’ll have to.”

He opened his mouth to offer a clever retort, but the words died in his throat. With a huff, he opened the door.

You were decidedly out of his league. He could tell as much from the offset; not only did you have levels of confidence he could only hope to achieve, but you were also decidedly better looking than he was, as proven by the fact that you were still a ten outside of a school uniform. You were dressed appropriately for the weather in colors and a style that seemed to suit you, and unlike Kazuto you did not seem to be sweating buckets, which was not a fashion choice but still a notable positive quality. He, on the other hand, for all his agonizing, still looked like a drowned rat, hair both miraculously sticking to his scalp and sticking out at odd angles and rocking eye bags like a statement piece of jewelry he did not want to be wearing. Not even a minute after opening the door he already wanted to escape back to his room.

“Kazuto?”

He blinked. “Did you say something?”

“I asked if you were ready to go.” You glanced down at your hands. “You looked as though I put a gun to your head.”

“Did I?” He shook his head, trying to pull himself back together. “I’m not. I mean, I am. I mean, yes, I am ready to go.” With each passing word the number of syllables he stumbled over increased. He slowed down, figuring clunky wording sounded more natural than seeming to have a stroke. “Where is the place that we are going to be going to today?”

From the look on your face, he could tell you had noticed his odd behavior. He hoped for the earth to swallow him whole. “I know a cafe not that far from here.” You pointed in the general direction. “I thought it would be nice to walk.”

He gave you a thumbs up lamely. “Awesome. Neat. Cool. Great. Let’s go.”

You stepped aside for him as he tried not to stumble over the threshold. “Let’s.” You looked up at the house. “You’ve got a nice place.”

“Thanks.” He closed the door before immediately sticking his hands in his pockets. As you began to walk he followed at your side. “Was the trip far?”

“Not at all.” You held your hands behind your back. “Maybe twenty minutes or so total.”

“Good.” He looked down at his feet. “Good.”

The two of you walked in silence for a solid minute. In that time be considered three separate times if he could realistically make his jumping in front of a moving vehicle look like an accident.

“Nice weather we’re having.”

He nodded.

You pulled out your phone, unlocking it. “Do you go to cafes much?”

He hesitated. “I guess, yeah.”

“What do you usually get?”

“Coffee.”

“How do you take it?”

“Black.”

You nodded. “So you’re a masochist.”

He choked on his spit. “What?”

You repeated yourself.

His ears warmed. “Why does that make me a masochist?”

“It doesn’t.” You smiled to yourself. “But you’re not totally freaked out anymore.”

“I was not freaked out!” He stood up taller. “I was letting you lead the conversation!”

Your grin only widened. “Yeah?”

“Yeah! And you know what?”

You held your hands behind your back, waiting politely for him to finish his thought.

He looked down at his feet. “Whatever.”

“You are so red right now.”

He was half convinced he was going to combust. “Fuck you.”

You pushed him playfully with your side. “In public? How scandalous.” You looked up at one of the buildings, taking his hand. “This is it.” You pulled him inside.

It registered in the back of his head that the cafe was nice. He had been here before, had looked up at the menu you were looking at, and had, at a point in time, been able to process the information written on the chalkboard. However, the fact that you, an attractive person, were holding his sweaty hand made such a complicated as being able to use his eyes seem nigh impossible, and rightly so; after all, everyone knows that holding someone’s hand, something that people do every day, makes you illiterate and deaf.

You snapped your fingers in front of his face. You were saying something to him.

“Huh?”

You raised your voice. “What do you want?”

He glanced up at the menu uselessly. “Tea.”

The cashier– who Kazuto had either failed to perceive or had spawned into existence just then– smiled sympathetically at him. “What sort?”

Kazuto wondered if the condensation leaking from his pores would drip onto the floor. “Hot.”

The cashier nodded as if that made any sense, punching his order into the computer in front of him. “Do you want anything in your tea?”

“Yes.”

The cashier glanced at you as if looking for some sort of explanation. “What would you like in your tea?”

“Sugar.”

“Is that all?”

“Yup.” He hoped that by some great failure on the barista’s part– who he could see watching the scene– it was a slow day– with barely contained mirth– might accidentally slip some sort of toxic substance in his drink on accident so that they might both be rendered incapable of experiencing the trainwreck that was this date any longer.

You paid for both of you. You let go of his hand to pay, an obvious sign that you now hated him. He tried asking you how much he owed you but remembered that talking had not worked very well for him thus far and decided to keep his mouth shut and instead focus on remembering how a member of the human race operates a chair.

You took your seat easily, waiting patiently for him to figure his chair out. “So you like tea.”

He eventually managed. “Huh? Yeah.”

You laced your fingers together, propping your elbows on the table and resting your head on your hands. “I thought you said you were a coffee drinker.”

“Oh, yeah.” He nodded. “I lied.”

“Why?”

He shrugged, not fully processing his own words. “I thought it made me sound cooler.”

You smiled gently. “And why would that make you cooler?”

He shrugged again, prompting an overwhelming desire in him to cut off his arms so he did not have the option.

“Alright then.” You shifted your head to one of your hands, looking down at your nails. “What do you actually drink, then?”`

“At a place like this? Tea.”

You smiled. “Is that your caffeinated beverage of choice?”

He shook his head.

“What’s your caffeinated beverage of choice?”

He looked down at his hands. “Energy drinks.”

You nodded. “That sounds more like it.”

He glanced up at you. “Why,” he grumbled, “‘cause I seem like the type of loser to do that sort of thing?”

“No.” You sat up. “But you come into first period sometimes with those big cans, and when I see you in third the can is usually gone.”

“That makes sense.”

“Hopefully.”

He looked around the building, avoiding looking at you. “So. No pig blood.”

“No pig blood.” You shrugged. “Figured that wouldn’t be nice to the people who work here; they don’t get paid enough as is.”

His eyes shot up to yours. He offered a weak smile. “Yeah. Totally.” He laughed. “You’re joking. That’s a joke.”

“Who’re you trying to convince?”

“Me, mostly.”

You sigh. “I’m a bit offended you still think I’m going to humiliate you here, for the record.”

He leaned further back in his chair. “You’d get it if you knew me for longer; Sugaha hasn’t ever gone quite this far but it’s not exactly out of character for her.”

You nodded. “I get the impression you and your sister don’t get on well.”

“Isn’t this a weird conversation to be having on a first date?”

You laced your fingers together. “Honestly? No idea. I don’t date much.”

“You don’t?”

You pursed your lips, eyes trained on another couple at the register. “You sound surprised.”

“Well, yeah.” He tugged at one of his sleeves. “You seem like the type to get asked out a lot.”

“Please,” you wave him off. “It’s not as if people are lined up around the block to get a piece of me or anything.”

“They aren’t?”

“Hell no.” You rolled your eyes, clearing your throat. “I was sure you’d turn me down, actually.”

He laughed. “Oh, yeah, like I’m in a position to be turning people down left and right. You have met me, right?”

You did not seem to find the notion as funny as he did. “Yeah.”

He felt his face warm. “Oh.”

The drinks eventually came. You took a sip of yours, crisscrossing your legs on your side of the table. Kazuto sipped his and burned off the nerves in his tongue.

“So.” You swirled your drink, watching the patterns on the surface. “What should we talk about?”

He tried to hide his pain. “Dunno.” He pretended to take another sip. “Did you get the history essay done?”

“Oh, god no.” You smiled. “I’m ignoring that thing until I absolutely have to.”

“Oh.”

You sighed. “I suppose that means yours is finished?”

He nodded.

“For how long?”

“Like a week.”

You took another drink from your cup. “Figures.”

He gave up, setting the mug down. “It’s not like I’m history’s biggest fan,” he mumbled. “I just wanted it done.”

“What for?”

He pursed his lips, thinking of a way to phrase his answer to make himself look less like a loser. “There’s a thing happening next Friday. I want to have my schedule free for it.”

“Yeah?” You smiled. “What?”

“Oh, nothing important.” He scratched at his wrist absentmindedly. “Just a thing.”

You ran your thumb over the lip of your cup. “I’m surprised.”

He blinked. “What’s surprising about that?”

“Well, they’ve been advertising that game you’re always reading about all over recently. Isn’t that dropping Friday?”

Kazuto slowly sank further into his chair. “Is it? I had no idea.”

“Yeah.” You smiled. “My friends and I are camping out to buy it as soon as stores open; I’ve heard it’s supposed to be totally immersive.”

“Sure,” he laughed. “If you qualify having more bugs than an ant farm as being immersive.”

“Huh?”

“The whole game is fucked.” He crossed his arms.” SAO, I mean; the game balancing is a joke, the menus work like they were designed by a toddler raised on Apple products, the class system is unbalanced and nonexistent– launch day is going to be a shitshow from start to finish.”

You blinked. “How do you know that?”

He paused, realizing his mistake. “Is there an answer that isn’t going to make me sound exceptionally lame?”

“Based on your criteria, probably not.”

“Cool.” He sighed. “I was a beta tester. I filled out a survey and got the NerveGear for free.”

You nodded. “That’s lucky.”

He stared at you. “You’re not mocking me. Why aren’t you mocking me?”

“Because I don’t have any reason to.” You smiled. “I knew what I was getting into generally. If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have asked you out.”

“Right.” He looked down at his cup of now cold tea. “Right.”

You fished your phone from your pocket, glancing down at the screen. You glanced between the device and Kazuto. “Would it be too awful of me to ask if we can continue this some other time? My parents don’t know I’m here and are coming home earlier than I thought.”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, no, we can pick this up some other time.” He stood up as you quickly gathered your things. “Do you need me to walk you to a bus or anything?”

“I’m good, thanks.” You rubbed the back of your neck. “We live in opposite directions.”

“That makes sense.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Then I’ll see you at school?”

You looked at the door, then back at him. “Are you free Friday night? I know SAO is dropping and all, but would you perhaps be interested in grabbing dinner once it shuts down for the inevitable maintenance that it’s going to need?”

He blinked. “You were serious about the meeting up again thing?”

You nodded.

He looked down at his shoes. “Totally, yeah. When’s a good time?”

You considered it. “How’s five sound?”

“Five is perfect.”

“Then it’s a date.” You gave him a quick peck on the cheek, heading to the door. “I gotta run. See ya then!” And just like that, you were out the door.

He stood in the same spot for longer than he should have. He finished his drink– which was as cold as he thought it would be– and left the building.

Kazuto was home early that day. His sister gave him a great deal of shit about it. He got the snot beaten out of him and his eyes nearly fell out of their sockets from staring at his screen for too long. None of that mattered, though, because he had been kissed by the most attractive person in his school. Even if everything else sucked, he could be happy knowing someone like you liked him.

Life was good.

It would not stay that way.

[swan2swan]

TIFFANY???????

[teleportationmagic]

To SAOA:

What the fuck. what the everliving fuck. I am literally sobbing I cannot stop this - this was the funny series! You can't do this to me!

Like just ughhhhhhhh - Suguha and Kazuto becoming unaligned for just a moment, just a second of him going faster, farther than her - and her sticking in out! Trying so hard to reach out! And him not doing the same because he doesn't even notice, and that abandonment twisting under years and years and years, of feeling unwanted and unloved, and feeling safer when she's unbearable, because she cannot afford that vulnerability again. And then Kirito coming back, older and wiser and more willing to spend time on the people he loves because of SAO where he got so close to losing them, and her not being able to fix these two versions of him together because they aren't! They aren't the same person! But he can't tell her, can't show her how he's changed because she cannot let either one of them be soft around one another.

And from Kirito's side, all he sees is his relationship with his baby sister grow strained under the weight of years, of her slowly turning into something awful that he thinks hates him, because what else could there be? Literally what else?

And her still dragging him to the kendo mat years later, despite the fact that he hates it. That being literally the first scene of them together.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[howlingday]

Emerald: Why, Mercury! Are you asking me out on a date?

Mercury: As if I'd be so bold. I mean, your boyfriend is right there.

Emerald: Ugh! No! Tyrian is just my escort!

Tyrian: Could you maybe sound a little less offended? I'm standing right here.

Mercury: Yeah, Emerald! It's not his fault he looks like Kimblee got facial reconstruction by a steel door.

Tyrian: Wait, what?

[kainekron]

my favorite kind of comedy story is "it stared off as a joke yet here I am crying"

[jamsofdeath0]

shout out to sword art online abridged for being an internet comedy thing from like 11 years ago that doesn't rely heavily on sexism homophobia; racism. I genuinely think that's why it stayed in the general zeitgeist more so than other series of its type. of course part of that is that it's still going and they aren't. but you don't go back and watch the early abridged episodes and think "geez that did NOT age well" sure some of the humor is painfully 2013 internet. but not in the icky way. in fact when things such as racism or homophobia or sexism come up it's to mock those concepts. like the classic joke and episode 3 where you're supposed to sacrifice players who ask women for pics of their boobs. Or asuna not knowing how to interact with a man bc hes black.