#SALverse love

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I blubbing love your stories. The way you build such 4 dimensional characters and riveting plots alongside really sexy smut that manages to never feel forced or empty is just... *chefiest of chef's kiss*

I've recently been re-reading you RotG fics. I know you don't write for that fandom anymore but I loved to fear play between Jack and Pitch. Particularly in the SALverse. It was so tantalisingly visceral

Would you ever write that sort of extreme fear play again?

Hi anon,

I don't think I'll probably write it the way you're thinking about.

I've written a lot of scenes since where a character is scared, for example, there's a few in The Beast that Chose its Own Bridle (especially around sounding and chemical play), I'd say a couple in Eversion, quite a lot in Smoke in Autumn, and definitely in The Wind that Cuts the Night (including one that leads to reluctant safeword use).

To me, those are all intense fear play scenes. These are characters that fear for their sanity, the safety of their body, and more. The terror is real. In fact in some cases it's more intense than what Pitch ever makes Jack feel, because what Pitch does is so intensely controlled and mental, and has nothing to do with what he's actually doing to Jack at the time, which is often pretty mild.

But in terms of it being caused by eye contact alone, not so much. That was not something I was drawn to repeating, because I preferred the fear/terror being caused by something actually tangibly happening to the character, and not a mind trick, which felt a little like cheating, lol.

[not-poignant]

I was watching RotG and suddenly I could only see the meme with the increasingly large dominos. With the small domino being 'Pia watching RotG' and the big domino being 'Efnisien, Gary, Anton, Temsen, Gwyn and Augus all starring in the same a/b/o fic'. Does RotG hold a special place for you, thinking of all the stories you've written since?

Hmm,

Yes and no? There's an even smaller domino you're not seeing which is that I had written original characters and stories before this, and Augus in particular was based off an original character I'd written before (and not published) so like, Rise of the Guardians didn't *invent* him, I did, years before I ever watched the movie. But there's also dominoes that drove me out of the fandom, and it was my bitterness re: the fandom that prompted the writing of original fic in the first place.

So let me tell you a story, anon. If you don't want to know how toxic the RotG fandom could be, I recommend you just walk away now and know that no, actually, RotG doesn't have a special place in my heart, knowing I wrote original fic to initially escape the way some small pockets of that fandom treated me. Otherwise I would have written RotG fiction for far far longer, because as the old-timers will remember, I actually had a couple of longfic ideas lined up to go immediately after SAL that I abandoned because of well...everything.

I actually spent a while after finishing SAL kind of hating Rise of the Guardians because of some nasty drama and meanness/spite towards me, particularly in the last few chapters, and it took about 2-3 years before I could even consider watching the movie again or write for the fandom again. And then by the time I'd come back, all of my original stuff was established, and I felt a lot more comfortable, and a lot more 'fuck the haters' with some of the stuff I had previously had to deal with.

(Fandom wank beneath the cut, lol)

For example (self-harm and suicide mention) one person would specifically post graphic horrible self-harm photos complete with blood tagged into the RotG and blackice tag/s specifically to coincide with my chapter releases towards the end of SAL - and she was a BNF in the fandom in her own way, so *everyone* kind of knew who she was and what she was doing - and she blamed me and my story for the self-harm, and so I had people coming to me going 'do you realise what this story is doing to this person, don't you even care.' And of course I felt horribly guilty and distressed, but I was also at this point around 7/8 chapters from finishing the story, wanting to give everyone a happy ending, and after posting the last chapter I broke down and cried because I was just so relieved that I didn't have to be tormented by this specific person anymore or see these images as a survivor of suicide attempts and self-harm myself.

But also just crying out of sheer distress because of how horrible those last few weeks were, because like, if it wasn't for the readers I would have walked away due to the pressure and bullying and coercion to get out of the fandom just because I had a story that some folks enjoyed reading. That was a level of targeted hate I'd never encountered before, and have never encountered since.

Around that time a couple of small hate groups started up about me, and I would get messages like 'you realise there are hate groups about you, right?' and I'd be like 'please don't tell me about this, people can hate me, leave them alone.' Then there was the time I just got - over around 10 days - about 100+ messages telling me to kill myself because of SAL and how 'horrible' it was re: it's 'really dark themes' which I find hilarious now, but back then, was actually really stressful when it coincided with someone literally *harming themselves* or posting old self-harm photos on days I posted a chapter, talking about how the reason she was doing it was because she hated that my story was so popular when it didn't deserve to be.

Like, no, I did not have a special relationship with Rise of the Guardians by then, or the fandom. I hated it. It's why I stopped writing for it when previously I literally had so many ideas I wanted to write for Jack/Pitch. For years after that. I would remember the good memories I'd made with SAL, but a lot of readers followed me into original works. And otherwise, all I remembered was being forced to see those photos and this person's tags if I went into the tags to look for fanart to share and promote. I'd made some very good friends (some very best friends, actually), and some of us got the hell out of that fandom as fast as we possibly could to escape these people.

So like, I would love to say that like, I feel nothing but fond memories thinking of the influence Rise of the Guardians has had on me, but no fandom that I've ever been in has ever had this kind of level of underground viciousness that developed as the story gained momentum.

When I wrote The Golden Age that Never Was I was truly detached from the fandom and the movie. I was writing based on my memories and feelings of the characters. I didn't look in the tags like I used to, and instead looked for when I was mentioned directly. I had a spike of anxiety every time I got an anon message while writing it, and I had to like...avoid fics and a bunch of other stuff to get through it.

I have watched Rise of the Guardians since and I do really enjoy it, but...I don't see the dominoes the same way you do anon, probably because of the way it all happened in my head, though I do think putting original writing on AO3 happened partly because I was in a hurry to get out of the RotG fandom. So in a way RotG is connected to that, but like, only because I was fleeing and abandoning all of my Pitch/Jack ideas as I went (to the point where people remembered them and still asked me about them years later and I was like 'haha oh no sorry I'm not writing those oh well maybe one day!')

Chances are high I actually wouldn't have written original fiction if my love for Rise of the Guardians had still stayed strong. I was ready to write two very specific longfics, and had done worldbuilding for both, and was talking openly about them, but towards the end of SAL I bolted from the fandom as fast as I could. The hate I got from specific corners of the RotG fandom is one of the reasons I started writing Game Theory before SAL was even finished - to cope with how I felt about the end of SAL and the hatred I was getting there. When some of those folks said 'omg I'll never read a story about Augus' I was literally like 'oh thank fuck, I'm going to be left alone now.'

Like...I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia like 6 months after that, I cracked teeth because of how stressed I was, and I still have crowns in my mouth and teeth removed because of that whole period. I was sleeping an average of 3 hours a night.

...I feel a very special fondness for the people who supported me at the time, especially my good friend Silvia, who is still my beta and friend today. She is responsible for far more of the dominoes that have led to this moment than Rise of the Guardians could ever directly be. And I am extraordinarily grateful for the readers who have found my stuff since. Now the majority of readers of my original stuff have never actually seen Rise of the Guardians or read my RotG fics, and like, actually sometimes that's really nice, if a bit weird.

I have never, in my life, encountered a fandom that could get as toxic as pockets of Rise of the Guardians got, and I'm including Dragon Age: Inquisition in that, which had literal blocklists of asexual people, so you know I mean business! But as a final point, I do want to say the majority of people there were amazing, absolutely amazing, this is truly a case of a few bad apples spoiling the whole experience, and I'm still to this day gutted it happened like that, and have zero surprise a lot of people left the fandom all at once, at the same time, because of it.

[not-poignant]

Do you have a sense of what your readers tend to re-read the most? I would be fascinated by the results of that poll!

(For me, it's The Nascent Diplomat because I'm a sucker for different cultures colliding, and I love the exploration of communication and language.)

Hi anon!

It changes over time.

Back in the day it was the SALverse (From the Darkness We Rise & Into Shadows We Fall), and then it was probably Stuck on the Puzzle. In fact to this day I think Stuck on the Puzzle is easily my most reread fic.

Of my original works, I honestly think it will end up being Falling Falling Stars. It's the one people tell me they're rereading the most even now. Before that it was easily The Wildness Within. I definitely think The Nascent Diplomat is a comfort reread fic for quite a few people though! Which is really cool. :D It's one of the reasons why I've always liked running at least one kind of 'softer' fic (FFS / TWW / TND) etc. because I feel like...sometimes we just need more comforting fics - even with their heavy subject matter - alongside some of the more dramatic or dark stories I'm writing!

I might do it as a poll though, that sounds fun :D

[not-poignant]

Hella, Pia. Hope you are having a nice day.

First, I wanted to say your writing is *chef’s kiss* just so good and satisfying.

I found your writing first through the fanfic “Stuck on the Puzzle”. Every now and then I go back and reread it, it’s so gooood. Then I read Game Theory, and the sequels, and THEN read Shadows and Light, completely out of order, I know. It was all so good!!

And then you’re writing about Anton and Flintmouse in “Underline the Rainbow”, and I was wondering how different they are from their first appearences In your RoTG fanfics. I love them so much, I’m happy to see them again.

Hi hi hi!

I'm having a pretty good day so far today! I did have to wake up super early to get a blood test (fasting blood test) and they took four vials so I should probably have breakfast at some point. :D I hope you're having a nice day (or evening) as well!

That's such a cool journey re: how you found Game Theory and then got to the SALverse and then presumably The Golden Age that Never Was for the Anton/Flitmouse experience. :D

As for differences, hmmmm

The main ones are really that Flitmouse is an omega, and Anton is an alpha, and they live in a dystopian society that favours alphas over omegas. But that parallels pretty nicely with Anton being a golden warrior and Flitmouse being a spy and lower class tailor in The Golden Age that Never Was.

The history with Flitmouse being abused by Vadim is still canon for those two, but in this story, instead of Anton being actively polyamorous, he's had a few omega companions before, which stlil fires up Flitmouse's jealousy.

In that sense, a lot of the dynamics are actually very similar! This is kind of the story I always wanted to write about them, just...set in a different world, in a way! :D

[not-poignant]

When I was knee-deep in the SAL verse for the first time, I had a couple of weeks in which the only songs I listened to while reading were Take Me To Church and Gone, Gone, Gone. Five years later I'm still occasionally listening to those songs, and every time without fail they remind me of Jack and Pitch and I'm like "Must reread SAL right now or die trying." I've been fighting the urge for the last two months cause of uni, but now I just gave up and restarted it and I honestly regret nothing

Oooo awesome.

Tbh there’s songs from the multiple SAL playlists that still remind me of Jack and Pitch specifically. Born by Over the Rhine one of them (re: Jack Frost), and Winter Song by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles. It’s kind of amazing how certain songs really stick that way. :D

I hope you enjoy your reread! *bounces*

[not-poignant]

Ahhhh so im 11 chapters into re-reading the Shadows and Light series and i haven't read it in years BUT IT STILL SLAPS SO HARD👏👏👏 i love you're writing so much!!!!!!!😭😭😭😍😍😍

I’m so glad you’re enjoying it!

I often wonder how that one ages for the people who read it! But man, it was such a wild, fun time writing it and I’m so glad you’re still able to enjoy it anon!

[not-poignant]

I found your work when From Darkness We Rise was still in single digits and even now it and the sequel are still in my top 5 fics. I empathise a lot with Jack and his issues with loneliness+rejection it struck a cord with me, I don't know why I'm sending this I just want you to know how important it is to me even though it hit too close to home and made me cry, it's an intense catharsis I haven't found in other fics. I know it wasn't made for that but thank you. Your writing got me through.

Omg when FtDWR was still in the single digits that’s SO LONG AGO asdlkfjdsa man those early days were just crazy because I was still after chapter 1 like ‘should I even be doing this cuz I just killed Jamie in the first chapter and we all love Jamie including me.’

So you know.

I feel like Jack has this magical ability to reach people in a way a lot of other characters can’t. Even in the movie he’s so raw and relatable, and taking like honestly the greatness that we were given in terms of his characterisation and being able to spend several hundred thousand words with him was like, cathartic for me as well, and I’m glad I was able to share that with you as well anon. Thank you

[not-poignant]

This is like the 10th time I've read your Shadows and Light series (im on 18 of FtDwR) because I always had such a strong connection with Jack and his loneliness and right now, it's cathartic and seriously helping me channel some of these complicated ass emotions as im going through my divorce. So, seriously, thank you for writing and sharing it with all of us.

I’m so so sorry to hear about the divorce, they are painful and I hopethat as you move through this process it puts you in a stronger position to behappier in your future. I’m glad that fic is able to help you in the meantime,and I very much hope that there will be more and more things to help youprocess and move into a new stage in your life.

And thank you so much for reaching out and letting me know how much youlove SAL, during such a difficult time! It’s a very generous thing to do,sharing love when you’re in pain, and I’m really grateful

[not-poignant]

Sssooo I clicked on your shadows and light series even though I know nothing about the fandom, just wanting to see the origins of Gwyn/Augus. Then somehow I'd read the entire first story and it was 3 AM? you got me again Pia lol

So glad you’re enjoying it! :D

[not-poignant]

I am having very strong urge to reread TGANW, all of SALverse, but also COFT. I am in the middle of exams this is a terrible idea...... gonna start on SALverse tonight

You’re gonna need it, anon!

ALSO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T NEGLECT YOUR EXAMS!

[not-poignant]

Literally the only reason I watched RotG, and then later read the books, was because of your SALverse XD

Yes! :D

It’s such an awesome way of doing things. Tbh, I love when you read something (or see a piece of fanart) that has you kind of mentally bookmark the thing to get to later. I started watching Dragon Age: Inquisition playthroughs on Youtube because of fanfiction and fanart. Like, it’s just a fun way to discover new things. :D

[not-poignant]

I love the Shadows and Light series so, so much!

IT LOVES YOU TOO!

[not-poignant]

me: I'm not going to read GT+COFT after finishing SAL-verse, I've read it not that long ago; gwyn: starts talking with jack about his past with augus; me, a weak being: shit, now I have to read everything again

Sometimes you just gotta reread the thing.

I’ve been going through a massive Kim Dare reread bingefest which has been great.

Also recently I reread What If? and had SO MANY SAD GWYN FEELS about it that like, I spent like about three solid days just imagining like Gwyn after Augus gets killed and he goes to Pitch and Jack but he knows he can’t be with them either and he gets really cut up about it and super self-destructive and Pitch wants to save him but doesn’t know if he can save him and it’s like

why do I do this to myself. Er, so yeah, I feel that, anon :D :D :D

[not-poignant]

Just saw a post that said 'reblog if fanfiction has helped you' and I reblogged it bc just a year ago, I was in a rly low place. Then I reread SALverse and I rly sympathized with Jack. And its not like it cured my feelings of self worth, but it was nice to empathize with someone that felt similarly and see that character grow and get help. I got better bc I made changes to my life- but Jack was my biggest encouragement. Seeing him determined helped me work for my goals too. Thank you Pia. :)

I’m glad that SALverse was able to give you something during a really difficult time, and sorry to hear that you were in that difficult time. Low places are just the worst, and hard to navigate, and sometimes fanfiction (and fiction) can be such a balm through those moments.

I always kind of loved Jack’s capacity as a character overall to just...resonate with some people and be relatable in that way that allows folks to see how it might be possible to heal. He has been like that for me too, and I love that his character exists and that we get to write him and enjoy different versions of him.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! I just dug into an old email account and saw a ffnet notification for ch 13 of FtDWR back in 2013, and I’ve been following your stuff ever since into Fae Tales and most recently TGA!! I love love love your writing & I love Everything you do? I hope this is a good year for you & I hope you get to do things that make you happy!!

Homg that is a while! What an adventure! I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for so long and some of yall haven’t gotten bored yet like that is an accomplishment anon and I am here for it like *high fives*

I hope this is a good year too! I mean so far it’s kind of been the pits, but hey, there’s still some time left for it to redeem itself! Lol. (And actually, even with it being a shitty year, there’s been great folks in it and I’ve still been able to write and share that writing so very good things are happening too).

[not-poignant]

Thank you so so much for writing Game Theory. And COFT. (And Ice Plague, too!) I feel like I have learned *so* much and have such a different perspective on the world because of your writing. Jack in SaL taught me that recovery is a process and that there's no easy fix for it. But Augus and Gwyn in FT taught me what the range of people could be, and that there's *so* much more beneath the surface than we may ever know, and that even when a character is a 'villain' and does horrible things (1/2?)

that have consequences and even horrible effects on other people, it doesn't mean that they 'should' be hated for what they've done; it also means that just because a character has reasons and justifications for their behavior, we don't have to condone their actions even while liking them as a character.

Augus was first villain I ever truly *liked*, as a person, believe it or not, both despite and because of his actions. Previously, I'd found villains fascinating, but at the end of the daythey were villains, and they either got punished and the story was happy, or they got away with it, and it was a tragedy. Augus taught me that a villain of one story could be the hero of another *without changing his character*. That he could love and be loved, that he could try to right wrongs or merely grow in a new direction, that he could continue to make flawed decisions and act wrongly, and that I could like him despite all that *without being a horrible person myself*. That he was no less worthy of my love just because he was flawed.

And I feel like all this has helped me to be more understanding of those around me: they may do something that hurts me, but what are their reasons for it? Is there anything I could do to help them? Someone may project an uncrackable facade, but it doesn't mean that they don't struggle just as much as I do - maybe even in the same ways. And it's also taught me to be more understanding of myself. Previously, I felt so much that I was always letting myself down, I had an internal standard that I was constantly failing, and I feared if others saw that, they would agree that I wasn't worth it. Or would need to try harder or something.

But Augus and Gwyn aren't perfect (far from it!) and yet so many people love them anyway. Both despite their flaws *and* because of them. And even still, that doesn't stop me from wanting them to become the best and healthiest versions of themselves that they can be. I can love them through the process and grow right alongside them because of what I've seen in them. And I might not be the 'heroine' of my own story (at best, I've usually seen myself as a 'sidekick'), but that doesn't mean  people won't like me either.

Finally, thank you for all of the interaction that you've provided. I'd left comments and reviews before, but previously they were rarely personal, just a vaguely encouraging 'thank you'. And I always wondered how any one reader could ever have an impact on a writer. You taught me that even when there are a plethora of comments, each comment can still be given care and attention and that they still mean something to you. That they are no less worthwhile for being one of many. (And when there aren't many comments, having an encouragement can be a treasure from heaven!) You've had a tremendous positive impact on my life and I'll say it again and again: Thank you. Thank you. [This got really long.] ~MK            

***

(MK, I am frankly in awe that all of this came through (it was seven messages folks) and that Tumblr didn’t eat one or three parts of the messages in this chain. I can only assume you are favoured by the Tumblr gods and/or sacrificed some kind of soft furry forest animal to get this incredible gift.)

Secondly, I don’t have much to say to this. I feel like your messages stand on their own, and really, I just... I completely agree with everything you’ve written. Also the impact that readers can have on writers. Honestly I think there’s some writers for whom readers don’t impact much, even in fandom, but I know for myself, as tired as it is for folks to hear me say it over and over again, I wouldn’t be here writing Fae Tales, and I don’t actually know if I’d even be here at all, if it wasn’t for the genuine sharing of feelings that readers / folks offer, and I’m incredibly grateful for it. It’s had a tremendous, positive impact on my life as well, in ways that will continue to be quite indescribable. So I shall sit here and write instead. :)