#Roboute thinks Konrad is going to bite

[brieandcrackest]

Konrad is being dressed up by Fulgrim while Vulkan (amused and curious) and Roboute (worried and nervous) watch.

[mothiir]

What do you think are the kinks of each of the Primarchs?

part one of the kink headcanons can be found here. :)

cw for konrad’s part specifically: noncon.

Roboute Guilliman:

the obvious answer for this one is ‘oh he’s perfect at everything, clearly he gives great head and enjoys making his lady cum’ — which is true, don’t get me wrong, but it is more complicated than that.

he’s the Avenging Son, the Last Best Hope for mankind — there’s very little in his life that is about what he wants, rather than his duty. Because of this, although he feels very guilty about it, his favourite thing is to be selfish in bed. He’ll happily bury his face between your thighs for hours, but if you really want to make him happy you’ll let him fuck your throat until you lose your voice, or roll over in bed, shove your face into the pillow, waggle your arse at him and tell him not to stop even when you black out. Or tell him that he can have you when you’re sleeping — your schedules don’t often align perfectly, given that he works a twenty five hour day, and so the chances for intimacy can be slim. He wouldn’t want to ask it of you, because he’s achingly aware of the fact that baseline humans struggle to say no to a primarch at the best of times (more than any of his brothers he understands the impact his supernatural charisma has on mortals and the implications of this) — but oh, he would love the idea of coming back from hours of work and just sliding between warm, welcoming thighs.

is it possible for a primarch to have an anti breeding kink? Roboute is practical, and although he loves the idea of maybe one day having little blueberries he does not want to bring children into the hellscape he currently rules over. He will put you on birth control and ensure that it’s up to date. Not taking any risks there. If you breathlessly beg him to put a baby in you, he’ll immediately stop, roll off you and start a well-rehearsed lecture about how it is not yet the optimal time to have children.

Sex is scheduled. Of course it is. There’s an excel spreadsheet and everything. Your diary is synced to his. You get reminders — not that you need them.

Yes, he likes getting blown while he’s at his desk. Please do this as much as possible. Do not do it around his sons, however, since they’re either far too awkward to point out that they have noticed and that’s just mean — or they’re Cato Sicarius, and he might just start unbuckling his belt, wanting to go next.

Rogal Dorn

so do you know what the pain glove is. yes? then it will come as no surprise whatsoever that Dorn is a bit of a masochist. Unfortunately, given that he is a primarch, the chances of you hurting him is less than zero. Still, he likes it when you try: bite him until your jaw hurts, pull at his hair. Just be careful: the one time you tried slapping him across the face you ended up breaking three of your fingers on his cheekbone, which really ruined the mood.

Dorn is methodical. He doesn’t like quickies, and he believes that sex is like a siege: best when well-planned and well-supplied. You two may only fuck once a fortnight or so, but it is an event. He sets aside time, he gets lube and massage oil and nice candles (he’ll have your favourite scents memorised) and ensures that you cum thoroughly and repeatedly. He’s not very good at cuddling afterwards — it doesn’t come naturally to him, and you will have to remind him to stay and snuggle when you’re feeling needy.

Has a lower sex drive than most of his brothers. He likes spending time with you, and doesn’t feel the need to spend that time trying to get inside you — he’ll want you to tell him in great detail about the books you are reading, the things you enjoy. Oh, and he will buy you space Lego.

Konrad Curze

don’t fuck this man, end of list

but seriously, konrad does not have a healthy relationship with sex. Despite what Sevatar says, Konrad isn’t a virgin — he just hasn’t had sex since the Emperor showed up. In his wild youth on Nostromo, Konrad did occasionally indulge himself. It was always with the nicer girls; the ones who gave him food when they thought he was a starving orphan; the ones who helped out their neighbours, even when that was an objectively stupid thing to do. He liked how bright they were against the gloom; the little splashes of colour in an otherwise red and black world. When he fucked them, he really did try to be gentle, but their mewling and sobbing tended to overexcite him. He never killed them after he’d finished — that seemed like bad manners.

As head of the Legion, he unironically bemoans the presence of rapists and other scum under his command. Like his father, he’s a monstrous hypocrite.

Konrad is a man of contradictions. He will lick your tears up, snarl in your ear, taunt you — fuck you harder and faster and deeper, telling you to cry more, to whine and squeal for him, because he likes how you sound when you’re in pain. The more you ask him to slow down, the faster he goes, his palm pressed against your belly so he can feel how his cock bulges through your flesh. He’ll bite all over, wanting to mark you; you’re often left thinking that he actually wants to eat you. He’ll cum inside you, or on your face, and then refuse to let you clean up. And it’s when he’s cum that the desire for affection kicks in — he wants you to pat his hair, to curl close to him, to soothe him. He’ll never ask you for it — only grab your wrist and shove your hand into his tangled hair. When he falls asleep like that, breathe humid against your neck, his forehead just a little less tense than before…you could almost pity him. Almost.

[sleepyfan-blog]

I VERY DESPERATELY NEED/Want Baby Primarch Mers. So Badly. PLEASE!

Ok! I"ll go down the list

1 - Lion - So, the temptation to make him part lionfish is incredible here. There's also the fact that IRL Lionfish are a huge problem in certain parts of the world because they are an invasive species in those areas, as well as incredibly deadly because of their poisonous spines. And considering how deadly Lion and his sons can be... Yeah, I think he's part lionfish. Specifically he has a deep green tail with silver stripes. His spines are black and gold and hold incredibly potent poisons.

2- ??? [REDACTED BY THE ORDER OF THE EMPEROR]]

3- Fulgrim - He is part Coral Beauty Angelfish, and has a beautiful purple tail that fades into a vibrant yellow color. Coral beauties (at least according to the quick google search I did about them) are an incredibly hardy salt water fish, and known for their vibrant colorations.

4 - Perturabo - is part Cabezon - which are known for being Stubborn Bastard Fish who Refuse To Move until they get their next meal, willing to wait days and even weeks before they get their next meal. Which is often other fish, which I feel fits Peter turbo pretty well. He has a pleated tail and fins that are a mottled steel and black color, with the occasional yellow stripe.

5 - Jaghatai - is part Sailfish - which are allegedly one of the fastest fish in the world IRL. He has a bright white tail with red stripes. His fins are also white with red stripes.

6 - Leman - is part Piranha. Not only are Piranhas highly predatory, they also are species of fish that school together. Like how Space Wolves almost always stick together in packs. Also, he still has fangs in this AU. His tail and fins are a lovely slate grey color with an iridescent shine to them.

7 - Rogal - part greenland shark! Cold adapted predator of the sea. Doesn't look like much but is an apex predator in the seas it lives in. He has gorgeous golden fins and tails with black spots.

8 - Konrad - part goblin shark. I didn't pick it just because of the name, but because it is a deep water shark (lives in darkness, just like a certain edgy primarch) that is rarely seen by humans. And. Well. Most humans who saw Konrad didn't exactly live to tell about it, did they? He has a deep blue tail and fins that are surprisingly slender. But powerful and he has a hell of a bite and many, many pointy teeth.

9 - Sanguinius - He has a beautiful silver tail and fin-like wings, as his mer-half is flying fish! Although I was super tempted to make him part-lamprey because of the blood-sucking aspect of him.

10 -  Ferrus - as per the suggestions of @angronsjewelbeetle @c-u-c-koo-4-40k and @i-am-a-dragon34 Ferrus is now part Dunkleostous, with dark grey fins and tail on his dorsal side and a silvery ventral side.

11 - ?? [REDACTED BY THE ORDER OF THE EMPEROR]

12 - Angron - part betta fish. He has striking red and gold fins and tail and will square the fuck up if the mood strikes.

13 - Roboute - there is a big temptation to go for the Ultramarlin pun, but I won't give in. What I am going with is part Ribbon Eel, as they have this really lovely blue body with bright yellow dorsal and ventral stripes that go all the way down their bodies. That and G-Man having a long tail to thwap his brothers with makes me giggle.

14 - Mortarion - part pufferfish. Prickly, defensive and poisonous. Can and will puff up. Has grey fins and tail with dark green spots. Spiny.

15 - Magnus: I am torn between making him part carp - because of the Japanese (I think?) myth about a carp jumping up a waterfall in order to become a dragon - which hints at Magnus' incredibly powerful warp abilities or an Abtu, which is a mythical ancient Egyptian fish, because Space Egypt. Thoughts? Opinions?

16 - Horus: Is part dolphin. Known for being very charismatic and charming, but can and will bully other kinds of sea life. Baby-Horus has a deep green tail with gold markings.

17 - Lorgar - I love the Parrot Fish pun suggestion by @c-u-c-koo-4-40k so that is what I am going with. His fins and tail are a deep red color with a silver shimmer to them.

18 - Vulcan - another excellent suggestion by @c-u-c-koo-4-40k for making one of the primarchs part barracuda! I have decided on Vulcan, rather than Magnus. Vulcan’s dorsal fins and tail are a deep green color, the ventral side is black. Along the middle where the two colors meet, he had gold spots.

19 - Corvus: Part of me wants to make Corvus either some kind of shark, or angler fish bc of his whole "sworn vengeance and eternally hunting after Lorgar post-heresy" thing but. Big E is also a being who loves himself some aesthetics and I don't think a part-angler fish boy would fit that. Perhaps part black-tipped shark bc of their stealthiness. Thoughts?

20 - Alpharius and Omegon: are color-pallet changed blue-ring octopi. Instead of a yellow body with bright blue rings, they have vibrant teal tentacles with bright silver ring-patterns across their tentacles and up the fishy parts of their bodies.

@egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel

[relax-and-read-on]

You all asked for it....

Primarch, and the shitty gift they ended with

Part 2

Roboute: Lie, cheat, bargain and blackmail his way into getting Perturabo's gift. He WANT fancy new heated public bath, and there is no friends or brother in that fight. Quite happy with himself.

Lion: Got Leman's gift. Imemdiately start eating it with his hands, in front of everyone. A few complain about the strong smell and he growl at them. Literally licking the tin that contained caviar.

Alpharius Omegon: Try to troll Rob by "going" for Pert's gift, but decide to go for Mortarion's one. The want the extremely invasive succulent, for... Completely innocent purpose. Yep. No tomfoolery in the plans.

Rogal: Get Roboute's Mug, and has one big "AH! This is humourous!". Will never use any other mug ever again. Is generously sharing the candies amongst family members.

Perturabo: Kinda super smug that his gift was quite beloved, but try to play it off. As such, he's in a good mood, and "pretend" that he doesn't care that he got Lion's weird taxidermy bird. Actually, he's crazy excited because he think he has a new taxon of bird. No one tell him.

Corvus: Gets Angron punching bag. It's the same size as her. Actually make a VERY comfortable firm body pillow, it will join her nest at once. No one will ever see it again.

Lorgar: After a few people tried Vulkan's hot sauce and almost died, Lorgar tried it, and declare it DELICIOUS. Him and Vulkan are now exchanging cooking tips, or possibly recipe for biological weapons, no one is sure.

Konrad: Get's Lorgar tea set. Ignore the fancy teapot and immediately start munching on the leaves, in spit of Lorgar's warning. 15min later he's high as a kite, star fishing on the carpet with a big dopey smile and giggling about bees. He's having a good time.

Sanguinius: Get Magnus color changing robes! Then has a lot of fun trying to color change his own hair to match. Someone (Horus) ask what color it turm when he's horny, and get a semi-gentle wing slap.

Vulkan: Rogal's screwdriver! Immediately start having fun with it, and is pleased to see a tool that his resistant to his size and strenght. Might try to convince Rogal to make an entire line of tool for him and his sons.

Horus: at first was also going for Pert's gift, but end up abandoning that for Fulgrim's family painting. They are having the party on his ship, in his rooms, and take the time to grind everything to a halt just so that he can hung his new favorite painting in the whole world. Rogal help him gladly.

Mortarion: See Jaghatai's foal start eating Magnus hair, and take it so it's not "corrupted by witchery". The lil animal chew on his cloak instead and fall asleep in his laps. Try hard not to cry at how much he love him.

Jaghatai: Get the edible sexy underwear, and immediately put them on (above his clothes!) Make prolonged eye contact with anyone starring, and declare that if anyone wants a taste, they can. Multiple people are tempted.

Leman: Get Ferrus rock collection, and honestly thought it was rock candy. Crunch one, and wince as it grind against his teeth. Still try a few more, because *maybe* they do have different flavors??? Surprisingly like the ammonite fossil.

Magnus: Get the Twins MLP:FiM dvd set. Way too intrigued by mysterious dvd, he will spend WAY too much time watching the show eventually, and try to decipher it's arcane meaning.

Fulgrim: Bite the bullet, and got Konrad's gift. He wants to encourage him to do more art, and he also recognise the stitching technic used as the one he thought Konrad. So. He can endure the tiny bit of skin still attached to his hair pillow.

Ferrus: Ended up with Corvus gift, the crow kigurumi. It bulge obscenely over his muscles and can't zip up much. Looks quite inappropriate, but he insist on wearing it because it's "comfy as fuck". Fulgrim is fully encouraging him.

Angron: Get Sanguinius pillow. Grumble that it's a shit gift, then actually lay his head on it to see how soft it is. Immediately asleep. The party is very quiet after that, and declared a resounding success.

In the (late!) Spirit of the holidays, I wanted everyone to have a good time, and a gift they enjoy. I wanted to post this around christmas, but hey, life got in the way! So! I hope you all had a happy celebration, filled with the people you love, and that you will all have a year 2024 better than the last.

Again, thank you all for following this silly lil blog!

I have not made made a generic hc post about the primarch in a LONG time. I miss it, and it's good for the warhammer tumblr ecosystem. So, without further waiting....

Primarch, and the absolutely shitty gifts they give each others for a White Elephants gift exchange

Roboute: A classic coffee mug (primarch sized!) Filled with sweets and a indestructible fancy fountain pen. The mug say "World Most Okay Dad" on it, and he joke that it apply to them all.

Lion: a stuffed bird. The number of eyes on it is vaguely unnerving. It's unclear wich way is the head suppose to go, and all agree that it's probably an awful mutant bird. Lion is too proud to admit that it's just a really shotty taxidermy he made himself.

Alpharius Omegon: They give a series of mysterious CD in blank case, wich is a very rare and hard to read format on most ship! It's the entire series of MLP:FiM, famous lost media in the 30th millenium.

Rogal: A thick, sturdy, and perfectly elegant multi bit screwdriver, with extra standard bits put in the handle. Give a proud presentation on it, explaining it's superior design and all it's ergonomic features. It's 45 min long.

Perturabo: it's a coupon that say "one (1) construction from me and my legion, free of complaining. Valid until the 31th millenium." It's the most popular gift of the night.

Corvus: slipper and kigurumi, all crow themed. They are *adorable*. Sadly, the size is a bit tight and vaguely indecent on the more muscular primarch.

Lorgar: a traditional colchian tea set, with hand dried craft teas! The set is beautiful, and the teas prove to be only mildly hallucinogenic.

Konrad: A very, VERY pretty embroidered set of throw pillow! They have delicate pattern of flower and nature imagery... And are made with human hair. Konrad is very proud of himself, and even more of the absolute bloody screaming his gift create when he explain it.

Sanguinius: put out by Konrad's gift, but he also made a pillow, but this one filled with his own feathers. Has surprising property against nightmare.

Vulkan: He was actually sweet, and brought homemade hot sauce, his mother's recipe! The problem is that the stuff is so strong, it's considered a dangerous chemical in most of the galaxy. Can be used as jet fuel.

Horus: Edible sexy underwear. Insist that whoever gets it has to wear it, and jokingly say that, if they are too shy, he can do a demonstration himself.

Mortarion: a succulent growing kit. Even his most dumbasses of brother should be able to keep a succulent alive, right? Doesn't mention that it's an highly invasive species that will colonise the entire ship of his poor victime.

Jaghatai: a foal. Yes, he carry a whole ass live animal to the gift exchange, and keep insisting that it's an appropriate gift. The horse is chewing on Magnus' hair.

Leman: Mad that he didn't think of bringing a puppy, but he has the most amazing looking collection of smoked salmon, caviar and preserved fish to offer.

Magnus: his patience is wearing thin, but he still offer a perfectly beautiful robe, that act as an honest to good mood ring and change color depending on the person's aura.

Fulgrim: A painting of himself! Wich is actually a joke, it's just a thin and hand painted decorative paper covering the true gift: a painting of all their family, together. Get called a try hard.

Ferrus: a collection of very pretty crystals and fossils! Wich he arranged in a chocolate box, and explain that those are his favorite flavors.

Angron: A punching bag that even *he* find durable. He made sure of it, by thoroughly testing it before giving it out, wich explain it's used appearance.

I know exactly who gets what..... Yall want to know in a part 2 ;)?

[2lim3rz]

Rating Primarchs By Cuddling Ability and If I Actually Would

This is purely opinion of course lol

HOWEVER: To clarify, I am not doing Primarchs I just have 0 idea on if they actually would cause I don’t know their personalities too well

RATING SYSTEM: 0 [I would never cuddle even if It’d kill me] to 10 [ple ase, I beg]

------

Fulgrim - 7/10 - Fulgrim’s probably the BEST person to cuddle with out there, a definite 10 but he loses 3 points because I personally wouldn’t cuddle Fulgrim. Sure it’d be a awesome cuddle but I just don’t vibe with him personally

Perturabo - 10/10 - Perturabo keeps his room cold as all hell and we all know it [but it makes it 10x better cause you can cuddle to stay warm], and plus he’s no doubt a BRICK. You’re gonna have to teach him a bit on how to cuddle probably, which is just fine.

Leman Russ - 9.5/10 - Would get a 10/10 but he no doubt sleeps with his Thunderwolves on the bed because he’s a wolf dad like that, so you’d have to fight for a prime spot. When you get to it though, VERY good cuddles

Rogal Dorn - 6/10 - He gives good cuddles. That is all.

Konrad Curze - -4/10 - Konrad. He’s a stinker, he’s also more likely to bite your face off than actually cuddle. BUT if you somehow go through all that, he’s a pretty okay cuddler, definately not the best and it’s more like a choke hold

Sanguinius - 10/10 - Nuff said. Feathers? Warm. Comfy. Soft. Play with each other’s hair. Soff.

Ferrus Manus - 3/10 - I hate giving Ferrus such a low rating, but while he is similar to Perturabo in some aspects, he also keeps his room surprisingly warm and that sounds like suffocation central. Bonus 7 points because I love him, so he gets a 10/10

Angron - 6/10 - If you somehow manage to cuddle Angron/get Angron to cuddle you, you’re going to find yourself in the tightest hold he can get away without killing you. It’ll also be very quiet. Just accept your fate and cuddle him

Roboute Gulliman - -7/10 - -7 points because I don’t think Roboute would ever cuddle anyone other than his eldar gf. The only thing that will convince me they’re not a pairing is if GW personally looks me in the eye and says it

Mortarion - 1/10 - Mortarion doesn’t cuddle, I can’t see him cuddling

Magnus the Red - 8/10 - WHILE he is very good, cuddling for Magnus is more like ‘Let’s both sit in a super comfy blanket and pillow fort/I sit in the comfy fort while you sit on my lap and we both read books together’ Actually, update 10/10

Horus Lupercal - 8.9/10 - Fucking bold to assume I’d rate my man Horus low. Also, he’s a cuddle king. Can’t tell me otherwise.

Lorgar Aurelian - 2/10 - I also can’t see Lorgar cuddling, but more like both of you chilling in a room together in companionable silence

Vulkan - 7/10 - Get past the bone crunching grip, and you have a very warm furnace to cuddle with. Points deducted cause while Ferrus’s room is warm, Vulkan’s is stifling

Alpharius Omegon - 5/10 | 5.5/10 - Both are alright at cuddling but one’s a bit better than the other and no one knows which one it is

[fuukonomiko]

Curze Taste Test

Remembrancer: Primarch Curze, if you were to ingest the meat of your brothers for food, how do you think they would taste like?

Konrad: Lion would be gamy. Like the beasts of Caliban he hung out with. He would probably smell like them too.

Lion: The pot calls the kettle black.

Konrad: Fulrgim would be soapy. Like lavender.

Fulgrim: Lavender is edible!

Konrad: And nauseating. Just like you. Perturabo would be salty. I wouldn't need any seasonings with him. If anything he would need potatoes to absorb the salt.

Perturabo: Ha. Ha. Very funny.

Konrad: I do watch holovids of the Food Network from time to time. Great cooking tips. *looks at Khan* You would taste like Umami.

Jaghatai: WTF is Umami?

Konrad: I won't know until I take a bite of you.

Leman Russ: I know, I know, I would taste like dog. Enough with the wulfen jokes already.

Konrad: I'm quite tired of dog, to be honest. The ones in Nostramo were scrawny. You are significantly hairier so I might choke. Also you would likely taste like dog marinated in mjod. That might cut some of the rancid out. As for Dorn, he would probably be fishy.

Dorn: Your stereotyping is not funny.

Konrad: Luckily your taste would be.

Sanguinius: Brother, you would not eat me would you?

Konrad: How does one resist chicken wings? *then looks at Ferrus Manus.* Next!

Ferrus Manus: Should I be insulted you do not find me palatable?

Konrad: On second thought you probably taste like Fulgrim. Soapy and oily. Like the stuff you weld. Blech. Even I have standards.

Angron: You wouldn't even dare!

Konrad: Ghost peppers. Probably with a dash of Carolina Reapers. Needs to be drowned in milk.

Guilliman: Vanilla. I've heard the jokes before.

Konrad: Don't flatter yourself Roboute. Vanilla can be enjoyable. I would compare you to crackers. White and extremely boring but can fill you up if you're really, really desperate.

*looks at Mortarion* Mouldy cheese.

Mortarion: *grunts*

Konrad: I actually like Bleu Cheese. Don't be so disappointed. Be flattered I would still add you to my salad. Magnus you would remind me of Red Velvet cake.

Magnus: I am honored!

Konrad: I hate red velvet cake. Its so pretentious and fancy when it's actually just chocolate doused with vinegar. Extremely overrated.

Horus: Now I am curious.

Konrad: I'm not sure what you would taste like but I bet it would make me feel gassy. Full of hot, intolerable air that would also be malodorous.

Vulkan: I have a feeling mine would involve something hot and spicy.

Angron: I already took the ghost pepper taste!

Konrad: Chili. Maybe. Now that I think of it maybe I should've cooked you. Then you couldn't regenerate.

Corax: I suspect I am chicken wings to your palate too?

Konrad: Chicken yes. Wings no. Chicken breast maybe. Plain, dry and needs condiments to enhance taste.

Alpharius/Omegon: I/we don't want to know....

Kontad: You ever hear of those unlabeled jelly beans? You never know what you're going to get.

-----

[relax-and-read-on]

Why are guilliman and fulgrim not friends in the lore. Fulgrim is obsessed with perfection and gulliman efficiency. Those two things would probably go together very well and fulgrim would adore macragges government and gulliman would enjoy helping make fulgrim's legion more effective. They should be friends!

They SHOULD!!!

Imo, Fulgrim should have been shown as one of the most social primarch. Here, just for you friend, a list of Fulgrim's relation with each other primarchs!

Ferrus: That's his lover. Soulmate. Best friend and boyfriend and his better half. His feeling for him are so strong, he would die for him. Or kill him.

Roboute: they get along VERY well! Roboute does tease him about his indulgence of form over function, and Fulgrim bite back and say that Ultramarine blue is so out of fashion.

Jaghatai: they don't like each others. It's just... Their own personal cultures clash horribly, and what they find value is considered a flaw by the other. They will never be able to get along.

Corvus: It took them time to find common ground, since at first they seemed like complete opposite... Until someone mentioned union in their presence. They LOVE getting drunk and screaming about politics and worker right. They also realise that they both are not so cis, and love makeup. Besty before aesthetics.

Mortarion: the utilitarian nature of his legion drive him insane, where is the SPECTACLE of it all?!? Grumble a lot when around Morty, but his lowkey impressed with his plant/bug collection.

Lorgar: If there was ever a target for merciless bullying... It's Lorgar. He will tease and criticize every aspect of him, and can be quite unkind to him.

Leman: He can hang with Leman... One evening at the time. He's fun and flirty and joking, but also, fuck does shit goes up to eleven when he's around???

Konrad: Oh Konrad. He love his broken, baby brother, almost in a parental way. He's a bit more protective of him than he should be, and wants nothing more than to see him happy.

Angron: AVOID. Legit cannot deal with Angron, think the poor bastard should have been put down instead of dragged along like a rabid animal.

Lion: He.... Does not trust Lion. He appreciate the Aesthetic (tm), but his character... There is an edge there, that he does not like nor understand. He avoid him, if he can help it.

Vulkan: Forever delightfully confused by him. He's so sweet and kind, he lowkey wants to bully his ass. He's Ferrus BFF too, so he make a POINT to get along with him.

Rogal: No one exactly know how or why, but they ARE close to one another. They will also loudly argue for no apparent reasons on very obscure subjects. There is still a high degree of affection and trust between them.

Magnus: They get along pretty well! They both love culture and have an appreciation for the finner things in life... But Magnus is still a nerd and as such, deserve occasional bullying.

Perturabo: They have this... Complicated relationship. Pert is attracted to Fulgrim, more than just physically. Fulgrim see a bit too much of Ferrus in this brother. It's dangerous, those two. They are like a ticking time bomb, ready to destroy each others emotions.

Horus: They did spend years together, and they are VERY close... But they also bring the worst out of each others. They enable their worst traits, and they will excuse each others. A bad mix.

Sanguinius: they LOVE one another. They can relax and chit chat and let the pretty boy persona fall when together, they probably are true best friend.

Alpharius Omegon: DOES NOT LIKE. A bunch of fucking troll with no individuality. He try to avoid them at all cost.

[fuukonomiko]

Just wondering , can you rate the Primarchs in order of who you want to bed?

SORRY ABOUT THE LATE REPLY ANON!!!! I just had to rethink this list over for a good, long bit before I answered.

I once had a similar reply to this when asked to rank the Primarchs on HOTNESS, but allow me to say just because I think you’re hot does not mean I’m going to jump into the sack with you. Also because my views on some of these fellas HAVE CHANGED.  XD For that I have these…

1. Magnus the Red - if this smokin’, steamin’ hot ass of a Primarch does NOT make it to number 1, then you need to have me investigated because there’s a very good chance that I have been replaced by an impostor. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL HE WILL BE TOPPLED FROM NUMBER ONE UNLESS GW MADE THE ULTIMATE RETCON. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN A GUARANTEE. IF FIVE CHAPTERS OF SMUT and 18 PAGES OF UNPUBLISHED SMUT DOES NOT CONVINCE YOU OF HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS MAN THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL (art by @thehamwarrior

2. Leman Russ- Oh did Daddy Russ now get promoted? While in my other list he was number 4 in hotness, in I WILL BOINK YOUR BRAINS OUT he is definitely number 2. He’s a studmuffin, blonde viking with a HAREM. A HAREM. Let me repeat that, A HAREM. Papa Russ KNOWS what he’s doing, and for that, I will sign up without hesitation. WHO’S YOUR DADDY NOW??? YOU ARE, MY WOLF KING!! WOOF!! Art by @horus-did-nothing-wrong

3. Roboute Guilliman- Y’all know I am a fan of Papa Rob. And while I’ve been a little lukewarm on him lately for reasons I don’t feel like talking about, I still want to jump his bones. I bet he’s a got a lot of pent-up tension from all the shenanigans he’s been dealing with since he woke up. There is nothing like release-your-tension boffing!!! Woot woot!!!

4. Fulgrim- Someone jumped up the list! Saaaay wuuuut? Why is the Phoenician up here? BECAUSE! A man hell bent on perfection will do his best to please you…and himself. Which is a win-win if you ask me! YES PLEASE! I want to bed him, yes but hell no I will not date him. Art by @dianaii

5. Konrad Curze- Okaaaay I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK? I am going to confess right now that part of this decision-making process is rooted in how much I enjoy the rp blogs (which I have to say did put more than one primarch up on this list where they laid low in the previous hot list). Plus I have this weird ship going on with him and fanservice is no sin. I think. But yes my Nostraman Nightmare is up here because I want to get it on with this sad excuse of a murderous madman. Call it a dark fantasy if you will.  Art by @thehamwarrior

6. Sanguinius- My views of how beautiful this man is has not changed. He is still, in my eyes, the most objectively gorgeous primarch to walk the face of this universe. Sweet and kind and sexy and extra. So…why not boink him? Why isn’t he above everyone else? Because of number 17. Art by @toranekostudios

7. Alpharius - The appeal with bedding Alpharius/Omegron and the entire freaking Alpha Legion is just that…you don’t know! Is it one guy? Is it a dozen? Variety never hurt! Plus, well, I’m sure every one of them has something to different to bring to the table (or desk, or floor, or couch…heeeeey). So why the hell not? HYDRA DOMINATUS!!!

8. Vulkan - OMG you are an absolute sweetheart! Should I say the goddamn rpg gave you a super boost up here? Because it did. Just the idea of you stomping Cato Sicarius into a pancake is an instant lady boner! Art by @horus-did-nothing-wrong

9. Lion El Jonson - if I overlook the hideous official art of yours, you’re so breathtakingly handsome in fanart. The only reason you’re low on here is because you’re not very nice. Spanking you was fun though. So you’re not too horribly low. 

10. Jaghatai Khan - You know what I think you would be super-fabulous for? Quickies. Because you’re not the kind who would stay for very long. I would like a ride on your bike though. Men on bikes are sexy! As long as they don’t like their bike more than you. Which is a bigger probability than you think. Art by @toranekostudios

11. Corax - So…are you…Good Curze? Less smelly, not  so-violent, not quite as murderous, psycho maniac Curze? You do look a lot alike. Same with Emps. So getting it on with you is like getting it on with all three of you. Sweet. Yes I have no logic, but that’s not important. We should totally try that trick of you going invisible…weeeee! So many possibilities! (Including you just totally running away from me. But that’s the thrill of the chase you know!) 

12. Angron- You’re a good looking man. In the gladitorial, rough and tumble kinda way.  And you’re strong, and tragic and emo. Also I think as long as your Butcher’s nails don’t kick in, we’ll be fine. You are the epitome of angry, hate sex. Also you belong to Alise, and Lotara in some instances. I will not compete with these gorgeous ladies so you’re a little low here. Out of respect for them I will not tackle you. Much. Art by @syberfab

13. Ferrus Manus-  You underappreciated man. Quite probably because you got killed early in the heresy. But you are homeboys with Fulgrim. That’s gotta say something, meaning you learned some tricks, LOL. Plus you have iron hands. Enough said.

14. Perturabo- He aint called the “Hammer of Olympia” for nothing. LOL. OMG I take that back. Or do I? I know he’s low on the list…he probably shouldn’t. He seems like a pretty cool guy, except when he’s miffed. At which point planets explode. Then again at least he won’t be mad because he’s above Dorn? Look, Lord Turbo, while you’re not exactly my type I know of at least a few other ladies who wouldn’t mind getting it on with thee. Art by @magnifigal

15. Mortarion- Morty I can’t. But at least you’re not at the bottom of the list anymore. I have a feeling your give just as good as you take and maybe even more so. And you probably like to cuddle after. Buuut….your fumes scare me. Your look scares me. How do I know I’m going to make it after a roll in the hay? I do not have a death wish (at least I still prefer you over three other brothers…heeey). Art by @horus-did-nothing-wrong

16. Dorn - LET ME EXPLAIN!!!! I cannot comprehend, even for the slightest, of rolling in the hay with this man because of my wonderful, beautiful friend @mrsdorn​. I value our friendship helluva lot more than pounding this tall drink of water. It’s psychological. Unless…we have a menage-a-trois?

17. Horus- I can’t. I just can’t. The Heresy is a minor reason. But I have a feeling one of the boys up there is going to rip me into bite sized pieces if I so much as THOUGHT of bedding Horus. Out of respect for him, Horus has been demoted even further down. I mean….unless I get to do a threesome with them…then up they both go ^_^ (I am shameless but you know that already).

18. Lorgar - I think everyone, their second cousin and their pet goldfish know how much I despise Lorgar. He’s only on this list at all because I had to put everbody in. But Meh. Just no. I don’t need to be preached on when I’m trying to get busy. Also he has no eyebrows, or facial hair…and I have a massive hair fetish (which probably explains the top 2 men up there, LOL)