#Rin is my second favorite character

[m3ab]

family pictures

[zakuryoishi]

thinking about shun and ruri. breaks down and falls to my knees

[txrully]

I'M SO STUPID IN LOVE!

·˚ ༘ ꒱ summary lovey-dovey things they'd do for you!

·˚ ༘ ꒱ characters isagi yoichi , bachira meguru , itoshi rin , nagi seishiro , mikage reo , chigiri hyoma , hiori yo , shidou ryusei , itoshi sae , michael kaiser , alexis ness .

·˚ ༘ ꒱ warning lowercase intended

·˚ ༘ ꒱ song inspo stupid in love - max ( ft. huh yunjin of lsrfm )

·˚ ༘ ꒱ isagi yoichi

you know how isagi’s brain is basically soccer, soccer, soccer? well, this man rewires his ENTIRE system for you. suddenly, every time he scores a goal, he dedicates it to you. like, mid-celebration he’s shouting your name in front of thousands of people. embarrassing? a lil. cute? definitely.

he’s also the type to leave you notes everywhere. you’ll open your locker, and boom: "i hope your day is as perfect as your smile. also, pls drink water. - yoichi 🩵"

or you’ll find random sticky notes around the house with stuff like: "you're cuter than my dog. and that’s saying a lot." ( i hc he's a dog person, fight me 🫠 )

"yoichi, did you seriously compare me to your dog again?"

"is that bad?? you’re both my top priorities!"

·˚ ༘ ꒱ bachira meguru

bachira is a walking ball of chaos, and it only gets worse when he’s in love. he makes you weird handmade crafts—like a necklace with your initials carved into a random rock he found because “the vibes were immaculate.”

he’s also the king of grand gestures. once, he showed up outside your window in the middle of the night blasting your favorite song from a boombox. and no, he didn’t think it through—he got yelled at by your neighbors, but he swears it was worth it.

"meguru, why is there a rock with my name on it?"

"because i love you. duh."

"…you couldn’t just buy a necklace??"

"where’s the FUN in that?? D:< "

·˚ ༘ ꒱ itoshi rin

soft tsundere energy incoming. rin doesn’t say much, but when he’s in love, he SHOWS it. like, he’ll memorize your coffee order, your favorite book, and the exact way you like your hoodie sleeves rolled up. you swear he’s psychic, but he’s just that attentive.

he also sends you texts at random times:

"don’t forget your umbrella. it’s going to rain."

"i noticed you like this song. added it to my playlist."

you’re 99% sure his search history is “how to take care of someone without being obvious.”

"rin, did you... did you learn how to make my favorite food?"

"shut up and eat it."

"you’re so sweet it’s disgusting."

"i said shut up."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ nagi seishiro

nagi’s love language? pure, lazy dedication. he may not seem like the romantic type, but trust me—he will move mountains for you... as long as it doesn’t require getting up too much.

once, he spent HOURS figuring out how to build you a playlist of all your favorite songs, complete with a cover photo of you two. he even labeled it: "for my player 2 🕹️"

"sei, this playlist is amazing!"

"mm, yeah, it was exhausting. now can we nap?"

"you literally just sat there and clicked buttons."

"exactly. so tiring.."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ mikage reo

reo goes all out for you—no budget, no limits, no second thoughts. one time, you mentioned how pretty cherry blossoms are, and the next thing you know, he’s flying you to a festival in japan. casually might i add.

but the sweetest part? he remembers the little things. your favorite snack? stocked in his pantry. your favorite flower? delivered to your doorstep every friday. he spoils you rotten but somehow makes it feel like the most natural thing in the world.

"reo, this is too much—"

"no, it’s not. nothing’s too much for you."

"you’re literally insane."

"only for you, babe."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ chigiri hyoma

chigiri is the definition of 💌romantic aesthetic💌. he writes you poetry and leaves it in random places, like your bag or your coat pocket. sometimes, you don’t even notice until hours later.

he also takes you on dreamy dates—picnics in scenic fields, long bike rides at sunset, and slow dances in your living room when it’s raining outside. everything he does feels like it’s straight out of a romance movie.

"hyoma, did you just quote a shakespeare sonnet to me?"

"maybe."

"oh my god, you’re so dramatic."

"and yet you’re still here."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ hiori yo

hiori is the sweetest, softest boy in love. he keeps a journal where he writes down all the little things you do that make him happy. once, you caught him scribbling, and he turned BRIGHT red.

he’s also the king of quiet acts of service. your phone’s always fully charged, your favorite snacks magically appear in your bag, and you never have to ask for help because he’s already two steps ahead.

"yo, were you writing about me again?"

"no... maybe. okay, yes."

"you’re adorable."

"please don’t look."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ shidou ryusei

oh boy. shidou is CHAOTIC in love. this man would probably fight a wild animal to impress you. he’s all about making you laugh, even if it means doing the dumbest stunts imaginable.

one time, he literally climbed a tree to get you a flower. it wasn’t even a nice flower. but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

"ryu, you’re bleeding. what did you do??"

"got you this flower. cool, huh?"

"you FELL OUT OF A TREE FOR THIS??"

"worth it."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ itoshi sae

sae is the definition of quiet but deadly romantic. he doesn’t show his feelings often, but when he does? damn. like, he’ll casually fly in from another country just to spend the weekend with you because “it’s no big deal.”

he also sends you fancy gifts out of nowhere. but if you call him out, he’ll play it cool like it’s nothing.

"sae, did you just buy me an entire designer collection?"

"it’s just clothes."

"just clothes?? this cost more than my rent!"

"and you look better than rent."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ michael kaiser

kaiser loves showing off, especially when it comes to you. he’ll buy out a billboard just to plaster your picture on it with the words "the love of my life 🩵."

but he’s also surprisingly sweet. like, he’ll carry your bag, fix your hair when it’s windy, or randomly pull you into a dance in the middle of the street just because he can.

"michael, did you seriously put my face on a billboard??"

"obviously. everyone needs to know you’re mine."

"you’re ridiculous."

"ridiculously in love with you, yes."

·˚ ༘ ꒱ alexis ness

ness is a total softie. he writes you little love letters and leaves them in your mailbox, signed with his initials like he’s a secret admirer. you obviously know it’s him, but you let him think he’s being sneaky.

he’s also BIG on cuddles. whenever he sees you, it’s like he can’t function until he gets a hug.

"ness, you know i know it’s you, right?"

"…you’re supposed to pretend you don’t!"

"why?"

"because it’s romantic!"

© txrully

do not copy/translate/plagiarize/repost my works in any way. ( i will find you 😶‍🌫️ )

likes + reblogs appreciated ‹𝟹

[ruruumin]

hi!! I came across you and I thought your work is really amazing!! This is my first time asking something like this haha but for everything a first :) I really love figure skating and I was wondering if you could make a oneshot or any headcannons of the reactions of blue lock characters haha (mostly rin nagi and sae)! (sorry if I made some mistakes, English is t my first language)

ice, ice, baby!

₊˚ ᗢ blue lock various x figure skater! reader.

⤷ what kind of relationships rin, sae, and nagi (separate) would be in.

itoshi rin

“if you’re going to do something, do it with your entire heart.”

rin met you when he was only ten years old. you were his next door neighbor with a feverish dream to become the best figure skater in the world. although it may have been one of the loftiest dreams anyone might hear, he believed in you the same way you did for him. and together, he will see you perform all over the country, with him in arms waiting.

so when a cold rainy day comes and the two of you were walking home together under a shared umbrella, he wanted to say something. but you beat him to it. standing in front of your door, you turned around and smiled, saying only two things: i will be leaving to russia tomorrow morning to train with a new coach. 

this first part came as a no brainer to him, of course you would leave. just as sae did a few months ago, you were beginning to flap the wings you were blessed with. however, the second part was what kept him on his toes, heart punching up to his throat: and i love you, rin.

after departing in the morning, he would stay up late to watch your performances on television. even when he had early practice, it was complete habit to see you on screen. your presence on the ice was unmatched by many of your cohorts in russia. cold and calculative, yet free flowing. like a confident stream you graced the fields with a polished play. alongside a perfectly timed quad axel, it placed you right at the top of the world.

the ultimate power couple. when you’re at the kiss and cry, you’ll say his name to the camera before blowing a kiss. meanwhile, whenever he scores a goal, he’ll raise his fist in a catching motion, bringing it up to his lips as he hides his faint smile behind his hand. your performances will always be dedicated to each other and it drives the press mad (rightfully so). 

when you return to japan, he’s the first person that you see at the airport. in only a matter of seconds, with his extremely long legs and speed, he is wrapping his arms around you tightly, inhaling your scent as he lays his head on your shoulder. 

he would immediately take you back to all your favorite places. during your time away, he had taken a multitude of pictures and sent you dozens of instagram reels of cafes. now that you were here in his arms, it made going to them all the more real (or maybe not, with you sitting in front of him, enjoying a mont blanc and latte, it feels like the perfect dream). 

sleeping in the same bed as him had never felt any better. while you knew him to be a drooler, you would have never expected him to be clingier than a koala. he is keeping you flushed against his chest the entire night. if you think about getting water, he will follow you with arms tangled with yours. 

itoshi sae

“i’ll carve my name into ice while you all watch in awe.” 

the only other person with the same amount of arrogance as him was you, a rebellious teenager he found on the streets of spain. you tried to pickpocket him on his first day in the country. instead of reporting you to the police, he asked you one simple question that changed the trajectory of your life: if you had the chance to do anything, what would it be?

some people viewed you as a lost cause in the figure skating world. having started extremely late compared to your other peers, your name was rubbish and caked in dirt. however, it never stopped sae from coming to see you after every practice, watching as you practiced your spins and salchows underneath the dim lights of the arena with a coach he’d hired. to him, you were a diamond in the rough that just needed a push.

he didn’t think much about your relationship until it was late at night. you were walking back with him to a hotel, face covered with masks to avoid intruding paparazzi. it started off with small talk, like family and friends (you learned he had a very cocky but sweet brother back in japan), but it quickly diverged into something more intimate that had the two of you walking into his room with intertwined pinkies.

when it came time to perform in the qualifying rounds, you had plunged the stadium with wails and tears. overcoming the country’s beloved skater by a wide margin, you stood above everyone, head raised high as you pointed up to the cameras, hardening your gaze as you mouthed sae’s name. you must have known he was watching from the corners of the locker room. 

the world of figure skating was going to change with you, a new generation skater that rose from nothing. 

sae feels immense pride when it comes with you. even though there were many curve balls thrown in your direction, whether it be from bad press or his persistent fanbase, the smile you hid beneath the covers reassured him that you were going to stick it out. nothing in the world could compare to the happiness you felt when you were with sae. because with him, you knew you could do anything.

dates typically consist of fancy meals or sightseeing trips. he isn’t particularly drawn to these activities himself, but what motivates him is the thought of treating you to something new. whether it be a pretty dessert from down the street that costed an arm and a leg, or seeing the stars as you walk along the beach, he’ll dedicate a huge chunk of his income to letting you see the world in its fullest.

matching photocards on the back of your phone cases. sae uses a clear one so he can flip his phone around and stare at you before every game. while some think he’s admiring your smile (as beautiful as it is), he’s actually sees you as the perfect rival to his games. although you were both in different sports, the two of you constantly pushed each other to your limits, showing the world what it means to be the very best. 

nagi seishiro

“there is no point in anything if you aren’t going to have fun.” 

he wasn’t interested in figure skating until he came across one of your performances on youtube. it was really early into middle school when he started watching you. one of the reasons why he started was because you skated to a lot of his favorite songs from video games he liked. the second reason was because you looked like you were having fun. 

unlike most figure skaters he’s seen, you made the sport look enjoyable (he thinks everyone else looks extremely constipated when they’re too focused). with a beautifully confident smile, you danced across the ice, performing triple axels and a perfect biellmann spin. you skated as if you truly loved this sport, and this was the selling point for him (maybe this is when he started to be called a certified fanboy).

when he arrived to blue lock, the first thing he wanted to win back was his phone so he could keep up with your recent uploads. even when you aren’t posting something figure skating related, your miniature q&a sessions were entertaining enough to keep him awake for the rest of the night, much to reo’s dismay (he wanted to sleep early for once).

the best thing reo had gifted him were a pair of tickets to see you perform at one of the biggest skating rinks in the country. nagi was almost shaking in his seat in excitement, eyes wider than saucers when you stepped into the arena with the prettiest outfit known to man. you blew kisses and waved to the audience, giving them your signature smile. you suddenly stopped in your tracks to deliver a long kiss in nagi’s direction, something that sent him into an early cardiac arrest.

your relationship with him blossoms after seeing him at the local convenience store. the two of you had awkwardly reached for the same cup noodle. even though you were dressed in a simple, oversized black hoodie and a mask that hid half of your face, he easily recognized you by the sound of your voice. nagi’s phone would have dropped to the ground if it wasn’t for you catching it midway. when the screen lights up with a picture of you as his wallpaper, you smile and type in your number, throwing his phone back to him as you take the cup noodle and leave.

you and him would text consistently. after every practice he would immediately rush over to his phone to see if you had left any messages. expect a lot of back and forth photos. nagi’s pictures consisting of things he saw that reminded him of you while you sent him photos of yourself at practice or a recent choreograph. 

imagine how shocked your youtube fanbase is when you show up with your 6’3 boyfriend who barely shows up on camera because hes too tall for your tripod. you’re teaching him how to ice skate and although he started as a wobbly giraffe, he easily picked up a lot of tricks. he might not be the best at doing jumps but his footwork was impeccable (you like to tease him about switching careers but he lazily replies with his face in your shoulder about how much work it’ll be). 

[vxnuslogy]

— lost to time ft. sae itoshi

— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?

— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!

— first recording

“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”

sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.

-

— second recording

“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!

……

is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”

sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums. 

everything passes.

— college; third recordings

“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”

sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself. 

maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.

“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”

“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”

everything passes.

-

— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner

“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.

……

you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”

……

“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”

sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently? 

sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.

yet the silence was too loud, even for him.

everything passes.

-

— graduation recordings

“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”

sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible. 

he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.

everything passes.

-

— recordings from 2 years ago

“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”

……

“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”

……

“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”

……

“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”

everything passes.

-

— present

“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!

……

sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends.  thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”

“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”

“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”

“nii-chan..”

sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.

how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?

sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.

“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile. 

“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”

sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own. 

“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”

standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end. 

sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.

sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go. 

and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.

everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

[helloledena]

Uh-oh... I'm falling in love~

Synopsis: Kakashi though he had everything under control, especially his feelings. But one ninja from Village hidden in mist was enough to change that. Oh how wrong he was...

Pairing: Kakashi x Reader (but in Kakashi's pov 🙂‍↕️)

Content: fem! reader, slow burn, strangers to "something" to lovers, light smut, mention of depression, lot's of thoughts, lot's of confusion.

Word count: 8.3k (😬)

A/N: Kakashi's character is so complex and hot and hard to write and hot and tragic but hot, so yeah, love him so much *.*

pervert.

When the saleswoman at his favorite bookstore gave him a raised eyebrow, all Kakashi could do was smile while scratching the back of his head in a manner that reeked of humor.

"I understand why you wanted to read Make-out Paradise… but now even the other two books?"

"What can I say, it really drew me in."

"And.. you say you've read it..."

"Yes, I've read it three times already, I think it's time to find out what happens in the sequel, don't you think? Hahaha" he let his body wiggle a little, and his free eye rolled up into a smile.

"Pervert," the girl muttered as she slid off the counter and went to get more books.

The ninja tiredly scanned the other books on display on the counter. The well-known novel "Life of a shinobi: Honor or Death" caught his eye. With a soft sigh, he picked up the book, turned it upside down, and began to stare at the wall clock that didn't actually work.

He would never admit it out loud, but reading an erotic novel, in which the most exciting thing is actually the various lovemaking positions, had become his new favorite way to distract himself. The distraction from the dead bodies he was cleaning after massacre several months prior; from the feeling of total guilt of allowing Itachi, the boy with soft eyes and always a calm expression on his face Itachi, to go and slaughter everyone in his clan; from death of his friends..

Not to speak of it, he realized that nothing calmed him as much as re-reading the same book with the light and warm plot. The fact that he could relive what he knew would end well gave him a sense of comfort that he hadn't experienced in a long time. Life was bearable again. Just a bit. Just a little bit more, he didn't want to kill himself.

"Your books,"  mumbled the saleswoman into her chin, still clearly under the impression, as she quickly took the money from him "enjoy the rest of your day."

"Thank you. Be sure that I will. Ha! I mean... not in that way..." the now blushing girl looked at him as if he had gone completely mad. He felt his own cheeks slowly warming up "well, anyway... I'm going now. You! You have a nice day... really nice day..."

His smiling aura slid at a moment as he left the shop. He put the third part of “Make-Out” in his shoulder bag, while opening the second one as he walked slowly in an unknown direction. What is he gonna do now? Maybe he should go to get some ramen? But he failed to keep Obito's promise, he couldn't save Rin from death, his father wasn't there to see how much he had progressed. Perhaps he could go back to that cursed rock again. Yeah, that seems like better idea.

"Kakashi!!!" he heard Gai shouting for him from a distance "my eternal rival!!!! Come! Let’s see who can drink more sake before nightfall!!"

But he just continued walking, looking at the first page of the book. He reminded himself that if he does not get involved no one would die because of him. If he doesn't intervene, it wouldn't hurt as much if someone from them died. If he doesn't get involved, perhaps those damn stubborn people would finally realize how truly awful person he is.

When he reached the next corner between streets, he was about to run the rest of the way, but a melodic voice froze him in his tracks.

"Are ninjas in this silly village not taught manners?" He turned and saw a girl leaning against one of the buildings at the corner. How, in the hell, hadn't he noticed her presence before? He decided to let his visible eye wander into a something that seemed like smile.

"I really don’t know what you’re talking about…"

"Pfft" the girl continued to lean her head against the wall, staring at Kakashi with a smirk on her face; her relaxed body language contradicted the words she spoke to him, as if she wasn't intimidated in the slightest "The famous copy ninja Kakashi Hatake, known to all bounty hunters, his name written in more bingo books than can be counted... Yet, you appear to be even more of a creep than the old man who wrote that perversion you're reading"

Kakashi felt strange at her words, gripping his kunai knife tightly in the pocket of his pants. Was she an enemy? He quickly surveyed the area suspiciously as he seemed to be merely searching for a more comfortable way to stand. Hidden Mist Village headband... what the hell?

"Well.." now he was looking cautiously in the direction of the girl "you talk about manners, and you didn't introduced yourself... very hypocritical, don't you think?"

"Hmmm" the girl smiled again, and then pulled out a scroll from her pocket that opened in front of Kakashi "I have permission. And besides, I'm done with my work for now, so I’ll be leaving today. I was just wondering if you really are as cold hearted as everyone says..."

"And?" he looked away from the scroll, returning his gaze to the book that he still held open in his left hand "are they right?"

"I can only say that I'm disappointed" he felt the girl shrug her shoulders "well, see you next time, pervert."

He just hummed. Before he turned and continued walking towards that cursed, stupid rock, he heard the voice again.

"Oh, and did you hear," he looked and she was smiling very widely; something hot filled his stomach "that now the 4th part is being written? I mean, the creepy old man... you already know who I'm talking about."

She winked and disappeared from his sight as silently as she had come. As he continued to observe the now empty space where she had been a second ago, he felt feverishly lucky that he had not learned the girl's name. And if something happened to her, her name would not appear before his eyes in his nightmares.

mercy.

It was the 4th day of the chunin exams and Kakashi couldn't sit and wait any longer. The link with the birds that were relaying information about the happenings had been cut since Orochimaru had magically appeared, then disappeared. He felt nervous. He felt nervous and noticed that it came out in the way he peeled an orange, in the way he would grip the doorknob when he left the room to get some air, and in the way his leg bounced every now and then.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been so harsh with Iruka a few days earlier, saying that his students were now warriors. But he knew that if he had shown even a fraction of the insecurity he felt, his decision would not have carried the authority that now have. So because he wanted his ego to remain intact he left the company of the other jonin, who would probably feel his nervousness at any moment, then climbed onto the roof of the Hokage building and let the sun caress him.

They have the best chance to survive in the shinobi world if they ruthlessly face every obstacle. They have the best chance to survive in the shinobi world if they ruthlessly face every obstacle. I did not send them to their deaths. I did not send them to their deaths. Kakashi repeated those sentences to himself more than he would like to admit.

With big sigh he opened the 3rd book of Make-Out and stared blankly at the pages.

"Hahahaha, wait, wait, you're still reading that nonsense? How long has it been? 4 years?"

His smile curved beyond his will, though she didn't see it because of his mask. He didn't hear her when she got closer to him, like few years prior. How wonderful...

"And who are you?" he looked at her now with his head tilted to the side.

"Oh, that hurts, you know" said the girl with a sneer in her voice, sliding next to him "I know I'm not that *ultra famous* like you are, but we've already met. Plus even I have a target on my head now. These criminals' bingo books, blah blah" and Kakashi was aware of that. When he was in the Land of Waves on a mission with his team, about a month ago, he took Zabuza's bingo book with him. As he flipped through the pages he saw a familiar face, although for a moment he was slightly unsure if it was the girl he met a few years ago. The scar on her cheek was new...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: y/n

Rank: unknown, approach with caution

Village of Origin: A Hidden Mist village, Land of Water

Known Techniques: water manipulation, blood manipulation

Orders: wanted dead or alive

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, many new faces lately..." he cooed while watching over village in those quiet moments. How the hell she keep finding him when he is alone? And he didn’t have much alone time since becoming leader od Team 7.

"By the way, your kids are holding up well there, as far as I could see" - now he looked at her "if I hadn't seen other things in my life, I would say that they are very young. But we both know it could have been worse. They'll finish the obstacle... they had that crazy determined look in their eyes about half a day ago."

"Search birds are not working for 3 days now."

"Ah well, we "watermen" don't use birds for surveillance. That's what you should have learned at your sweet little academy."

"The fact that you're not on the organizing team for this exams and yet have your own means of monitoring shouldn't surprise me?" Kakashi knew more than he asked. The ninja of the Village Hidden in the Mist were not at all interested in the official ninja ranking that the other villages held so dearly. They were ruthless warriors, deadly as soon as they left the academy, probably even then at chunin level. Now this is simply gathering information… he was aware of that from the moment the first registration from that village for the chunin exams in the last 7 years came. Only Kakashi wanted to know why…

"You know" the girl now closed her eyes and laid so still for a few minutes that the copy ninja thought she fell asleep "even though the rest of the ninjas in my village are furious because of what happened to Zabuza, I'm very grateful to you. I mean, I really wasn't the least bit touched by anything that happened to that... that.. him. But the way you treated Haku's body…"

Kakashi felt his stomach acid rising in his throat. Haku... another mistake of his. Another victim of chidori that shouldn't have been. Haku had a soul as pure as snow, Haku should have escaped... Haku shouldn't have ended up like Rin.

"In any case" now she opened her eyes, slightly teary, keeping Kakashi rooted in place "you showed mercy that our village has not experienced in a long time. Thank you for that. Especially since it was a boy who was kind."

Kakashi let out a soft breath although to his ears it was almost as loud as a scream. No one had ever seen him that way. No one had ever called him merciful... He felt dizzy... what the hell was this woman doing to him...

"Didn't you say last time that you made sure I'm cold-blooded like everyone says?"

"I think I actually said that I was disappointed. And by disappointed, I meant that I was expecting someone with a dirty aura, and I got something completely opposite."

Kakashi hummed, now loking at the village. But still feeling her eyes on him.

"And didn't you say you don't remember me?"

"Huh. Tushe."

stupid distraction.

Ever since he saw y/n at the time of chunin exams, Kakashi actually, even 6 months later, hasn't stopped seeing her. It turns out that y/n has actually been in high demand in the Lands of Water since last January, with a huge bounty on her head. Words circulated that with her blood manipulation, she forced the Mizukage's own brother to cut himself bit by bit with his blade until he died by his own hand in a pool of blood. Rumor has it that she left a letter written in his blood which said that his death was compensation for the rape of the girls from the Village Hidden in the Mist, one of whom is her cousin. Since blood revenge is completely justified in the villages of more southern longitude, the Mizukage made all the criminals of those villages duty to kill y/n on the spot or bring her alive. That's why she is in all bingo books.

He hadn't heard much about on whose permission she was in Konoha before, but when Tsunade came back and became Hokage she gave y/n asylum and declared her an auxiliary force. It turns out that during the chunin exams, she helped the village a lot in monitoring the enemy even though she didn't have to and therefore Tsunade befriended her very quickly.

What Kakashi really couldn't understand at the begining was how everyone got close to her so quickly. He found himself pretty often following y/n as she moved around Konoha, looking for anything that would make his suspicion justified. He watched when she stops by the market for fresh fruits and veggies, or talks to Kurenai in the street with a big smile, or when she practices her water control by the stream next to half a kilometer from the memorial stone. He wished he could just stand next to her and feel the warmth radiating from her up close again as she squirmed when she talked.

Which was out of the question now, sure, because she didn't want to talk to him anymore. But it certainly didn't stop him from being attracted to her warmth. Of course, it wasn't like that for the whole 6 months, it even seemed to him that she enjoyed being in his company for the first month. She kept popping up, each time making no sound as usual and going on and on about how Naruto had gotten stronger, how Kakashi needed to be more gentle with Sasuke, how maybe it was better for Sakura to learn 1 on 1 new techniques to help her reach personal, not someone else's potential. She told him how in her village she liked to go to the banks of the harbor early in the morning and look for children who were fishing by themselves and to use her "magic" to pull out a few fish. They would laugh and call y/n princess of the sea. With a very serious expression on her face she listed endless crazy reasons why Kakashi could wear a mask and swore in front of everyone present (even though they were actually alone) that one day she would find out what his face looked like. And when she talked she was beautiful.. actually, she was always beautiful. He mostly listened in silence, allowing the warm feeling in his chest to grow little by little with each of their conversations. He realized that he began to take the path to the memorial stone more often where there was a better chance of her jumping out. Once, she even came along with him as far as the stone itself, bowed and stood quietly for a while before whispering "at least you have a place to mourn your loved ones."

 However, that huddled routine that Kakashi looked forward to more than he'd like to admit stopped 10 days after Sasuke disappeared, and he ran into her for the first time after the failed mission. "You shouldn't blame yourself, you did everything you could" she was silent for a few minutes "I don't think you really could have stopped him.. you said yourself that Sasuke was stubborn. If you managed to bring him home, the question is whether he would still want to be a part of the team...". When Kakashi was still silent and tried to turn and leave she spoke again "When I lost my cousin I couldn't sleep for days, I blamed myself and wanted to die. But I realized that what was happening to us was inevitable, if she had survived then maybe the Mizukage would have sent his guards and...” “You trying to cover your guilt with failed excuses shows what person you are like.. I will not live in such a miserable field” when the anger came out of him with that sentence Kakashi realized how wrong he was and tried to speak again, but a cold "I got it, go bathe in guilt if that's what you want" cut him off with eyes that glared at him. Y/n left after that and didn't speak to him again to this day.

So he was left to watch her from a distance. In moments when he felt lonely he blamed her. He often let his frustration get the better of him and then tried to talk to others about his doubts and pin his ugly feelings on y/n. Unfortunately for him, everyone loved her, starting with Gai who was finally getting a talkback about the flower of youth and someone with whom his passionate level would be similar.Kurenai finally felt close to a female ninja and laughter could always be heard from Tsunade's office when she was in. Genma showed a closeness to her like he hadn't with anyone in a long time... Kurenai even mentioned that they went on a date after some difficult mission. Which is perfectly fine and didn't leave Kakashi choking on a feeling he hadn't felt before at all. Hot again, but not in a nice way, it even felt a little like anger. And now he was standing in the Hokage's office wondering how a ninja with chakra that was impaled on a water core could cause so much fire.

"Well Kakashi, it's time for another S-rank mission" Tsunade smiled at him, holding sake in her left hand. It was already dusk and her paperwork work was due in about an hour, so her advisors weren't in the room "I hope you had enough time to rest."

"And if I said I didn't, it wouldn't change the situation much" he wasn't looking anywhere in particular while keeping his hands in his pockets. He was on the last mission for a full 3 weeks. Of course he was chakra exhausted. Of course he felt tired. Of course he wanted to do nothing but sleep, read Make-out, and visit the memorial stone. And check out what y/n is doing…

"You know yourself that the level of missions has increased since the death of the 3rd Hokage and the destruction of the village. All our enemies strike us now because they're hoping to catch us in weakness. Unfortunately we don't have enough jonin to cover the steady increase in S rank missions...so there is no time for long breaks. This one is especially hard, so you'll get an escort."

"Ah, escort..." now he was looking at the ceiling, how interesting tiles... "didn't you say that sending couple jonin rank ninjas on a mission is a waste of resources? That it should be done only in exceptional cases? Or you've actually started caring about me? In that case my heart is about to break…"

"This is an exceptional case, Kakashi" Tsunade got up from the chair and sat on the table directly observing Kakashi "the fact is that many jonin go on missions with their genin and chunin and they consider it a kind of vacation, because all those missions are B rank at worst. However, that privilege has been taken away from you since Sasuke escaped and Naruto went to train who knows where with Jiraiya" when she noticed that Kakashi would not respond to her remark she sighed deeply and continued "since this mission involves going into enemy territory you will take escort."

"Enemy territory?"

"Land of Waves to be precise. Y/n was already notified this morning that she has been assigned an S rank mission and will need to be your guide and support."

"Y/n?!" Kakashi felt his anger spreading through his body, so he tried with all his might, fists clenched in his pockets, to calm his breathing; he spoke very slowly and quietly "y/n has a huge bounty on her head in those villages. Or did you miss that? They will kill her as soon as she gets close."

"The scroll that was stolen is very important to Konoha, Kakashi " she held the tip of the nose with her eyes closed "y/n knows the risk and she accepted it. It was her duty at the end of the day" as she looked at him determinedly "as it was yours to take orders from the Hokage. You have a mission to complete, and for efficiency you'll bring a guide with you, who, if I must remind you, is also a jonin who does S-rank missions. You will take care of each other."

"You can't send her with me" he couldn't stop his legs from getting a little closer to her "you can't send her there, it will only be a big distraction."

"The decision has been made" she handed him the scroll looking at him resolutely "the deadline for the mission is 1 week. If you do not return by then, help will be sent to you. All the details are in the scroll, I expect a successful report when you return. That's it, you can go."

"But, Lady Tsunade –"

"That's it Kakashi" a small crack was heard from the wood of the table that cracked under Tsunade's pressure "you can go."

Damn it he thought.

i’m so sorry.

"Of course you're late" y/n looked at Kakashi leaning against the wall of village gate, her bag on the floor between her legs.

"You won't believe what an infestation of angry geese was in front of my house" he smiled at her, scratching the back of his head.

"Yes, yes. Move then..." she just walked away leaving him standing there for a few moments staring at her. He wondered if she knew where he was going before every mission. He wondered if she could see through his acting with that haunting gaze.

-

After few hours passed, in not so pleasant but endurable silence, air was getting colder. Kakashi felt his fingers slowly tingle, frantically trying to warm them in his pockets.

"Fuck.." muttered next to him y/n holding a finger in the air that was covered in water and her chakra "fuck, fuck."

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, observing their surroundings. They were around 25 kilometers away from Konoha for a pretty short time because they were running most of the way wanting to reach the border of Land of Water by evening. It's only about an hour to the small town. They were currently in an open area and Kakashi desperately wanted to get out of the way as soon as possible.

"Once every few years Land of Water gets a period of so-called „false winter“"y/n blurted out through her teeth, keeping her gaze still on the water that was wrapped around her finger "you see? There is a thin layer of hoarfrost gathering on the surface. It's not cold enough to freeze, but maybe, in 2 days, it will be enough."

"And what do those winters look like? Should we expect snow?"

"Probably not. The problem with this winters is that they are very cold and wet. On the other hand they never last more than a week. But people freeze to death because winters come so suddenly, so we have to be very careful. And of course, to return home as soon as possible."

"Clearly..." Kakashi spoke in a moment, swearing at his fate. This mission probably couldn't get any worse.

He watched y/n wipe hands on her pants, and warming the hand she had attached the water to by slowly blowing into it. He couldn't resist the urge and slowly put his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him with a look that almost brought him to his knees. Honest, clean, which allows the color of her eyes to completely come to the fore.

"Don't worry" he said quietly, now in some incomprehensible fear of not scaring her further, and with a huge desire to slowly dance his fingers on her face... to get rid of every concern "we will finish this mission successfully. Everything will be alright."

"Mhm" the girl in front of him uttered a falsely cheerful voice "and even if something happens, you won't have to swim in pool of pathetic excuses so I'm not even worried about you" she slipped out of his touch with the speed of an eye blink "it's time to go and find a room if we don't want to sleep in the cold."

"Y/n..." he tried

"Come on" she interrupted him already ready for a new round of running "don't lose sight of me."

-

When they arrived at the room they had barely rented as it was the last one in a shack at the very end of a famous town, within reach of a Village Hidden in Mist, Kakashi thanked every exalted being that existed for the 2 large separte beds in their room. As he made the beds, placed the maps on the floor of the room, took the food out of his bag, he listened to the sound of the shower coming out of the bathroom and suddenly he felt terribly hot. Although he had never been intimate with a woman... or anyone really, out of constant fear of getting hitched and that person dying, Kakashi actually often felt very lustful. It had appeared in flashbacks before, when he saw a pretty girl at one of his missions, when he passed a public women's bath, when he was reading his books... however he had never wanted something or someone so much that it made him act on that lust. The present moment, on the other hand, was driving him completely insane. Yes, he thought y/n was very very beautiful and her strong character was surprisingly attractive. He thought her smile was as sweet as honey and there was nothing warmer than her beautiful disposition. And yes, sure, one time when they happened to be together in a bar with mutual friends, not talking to each other of course, he got surprisingly turned on by one look at her bare legs. Although now he thought that that arousal could not even be considered arousal because what he was feeling right now was 10 times stronger. When he realized that if he continued like this he would either go crazy, or unwillingly go and do something.. with her, or cum within a full minute Kakashi went into deep concentration considering the mission.

After a few minutes y/n came out in a plain t-shirt and shorts, no bandages on her arms and legs so now he could see a lot of small cuts on the lenght of her arms. He felt that she could see that he was looking at her and he just kept his eyes on her waiting for her to speak.

"We have very hard endurance training as kids" y/n muttered noticing Kakashi is staring at her "they're not as gentle with us at the academy as they are with you. Especially if you are female."

"I understand" he looked at her with full attention "it must have been difficult for you."

"Of course it was" she threw herself on the bed with a sigh, letting her wet hair fall on the pillow "although we don't talk much about it. What happened happened."

"Does it bother you that I saw?" he left the question floating in the air. Her thighs were dripping with water that she hadn't wiped off. He wondered what it would feel like to run his lips over them.

"No" she fell silent a little and looked him directly in the eye "even though I don't agree with you about some things, I believe you. I've seen how you treat others. You always put someone else's life before your own and I really appreciate that. So the result is that I'm not ashamed of who I am right now. At least not in front of you."

Kakashi's legs walked on their own towards the bed where y/n lay. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to kiss every cut on her body, he wanted to show her that she can show her vulnerable side. When she saw him coming towards her y/n sat down in a meditation pose leaving room for the ninja to sit on the other end of the bed which he did. When some time had passed Kakashi removed the headband from his other eye and looked at her with both eyes open. He noticed how the girl in front of him was trying like hell not to stare at his sharingan now, her eyes darting left and right as she paid attention to both eyes.

"I'm so sorry" mumbled Kakashi "I'm so fucking sorry for what I said the last time we spoked. If I could, I would do everything differently."

She watched him quietly. Then uncertainly reached out a shaky hand and touched his scar just below his eye which made Kakashi wince. What the hell was he thinking?! If she wanted to, she could have dug out his eye and taken it to the enemy!

"Sleep. Tomorrow is a tough one" he spoke harshly when, without looking at her again, he stood up and went to take a shower. Then hating himself, he entered the room again and saw her pretending to sleep with slightly red eyes from crying.

regrets.

The next day, they were already passing few small communites, moving through the Land of Waves. They only had a few more hours of walking left before they entered the Village Hidden in the Mist, and darkness was already slowly falling. Both of them had bought long coats on their way out of the city, so that the cold, which was slowly but surely getting into their bones, could be endured. However, Kakashi was feverishly aware of one thing – this all seemed too easy. They hadn't encountered a single ninja so far, there was no sign of anyone noticing who y/n was and the road was passable without control.

"Probably because of the cold " y/n mumbled trying to gather the cold mist into droplets on her palm when Kakashi shared his worries with her "I told you people doesn't handle it well enough in these parts."

"Hmm" he watched as the mist and chakra slowly danced and merged at the tip of her palm, making water "it would certainly be good if we didn't linger here for much longer. Considering how in demand you are here and how cold it can be."

"It's good that we left most of the things in that hut" now she let the water slowly drip from her fingers "being overloaded would only slow us down. And since sleeping in any hut here is not an option because of our bountys, and sleeping outside is not because of the cold, we can only finish the mission tonight and return to the hut tomorrow night."

"Sure thing, lady" he hummed.

-

It was the dead of night when they were half a kilometer from the base, which did not seem protected. Guards were probably inside because of the cold, Kakashi thought. The fog enveloped them and honestly suffocated him slightly even with the mask he always wore. When the wind blew, it would whip his face and make him shake for a moment. It was very cold. He watched as y/n looked at the white rabbit with small cut on right ear in confusion, crouching. He took out his kunai sorry little guy.

"No" she spoke quietly next to him "white rabbits are not always a distraction... don't worry."

"I hope you didn't trick me...trust me i will find out and it won't end well for you."

She glared at him, tilting her head to the side... a sarcastic smile moved to adorn her lips.

"How are you not ashamed?" she whispered, but because of the silence of the night he heard her very well "I sacrificed myself for your village in this half year than for mine my whole fucking life" she poked him in the chest with her finger "I was more polite to you than you deserve. And I would have fucking killed you in your sleep last night if I wanted to."

"You remained as fiery and hot as the last time I saw you" spoke a voice from the shadows behind them. Kakashi lifted his headband and grabbed the shuriken in his pockets. However a stiff y/n caught his attention more.

"Y/n" the copy ninja cracked "y/n what's going on?!"

"Shino..." she whispered confusedly looking into the darkness. How the hell do these swamp ninjas manage to be so damn quiet??

"What's up beautiful," out of the darkness, where y/n was looking, a tall ninja came out with the band of the village hidden in the mist hanging around his neck. His entire body except face was covered in bandages and a blade similar to Zabuza's was attached to his back… this is not good "you know I missed you."

"You tried to kill me" Kakashi watched y/n holding outstretched hand in front of her, chakra on the surface of her palm trembled slightly "I trusted you and you tried to kill me."

"Princess" a sneer was heard in his voice, he raised both hands above his head as if he wanted to show her that he did not want to hurt her "business is business, nothing personal."

"I loved you and you tried to kill me" her voice trembled as she turned her hand upwards and the ninja fell to his knees still with a smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight

Kakashi tried to use the Sharingan to quickly assess the situation, but realized that there was nothing to be gained from it. The fog was too thick, the night was too dark and he didn't fucking know what to do. Should he summon Pakun? Should he kill the asshole on the spot?

"I see you still like bad boys, princess. But you yourself know that in the end you are regretted by everyone, in the end everyone sees how weak you are." Shino spoke with difficulty on his knees, a grimace on his face, probably due to blood manipulation "you still chose none other than Kakashi of sharingan. I'm impressed" he was looking at Kakashi now, a dirty smile returning to his lips "you know the redwater brothers want you dead ever since you killed Zabuza... that wasn't nice of you Kakashi."

"Ah, business is business, isn't it, nothing personal" Kakashi smiled with his eyes.

"Hah" Shino looked at y/n again "honestly, I never even loved you. What has to happen happens."

Then several things happens at once. Kakashi saw the ninja on his knees turning into water with his sharingan, and heard rustling behind them. Fucking water clone.

"Fucking shit -" Kakashi whispered furiously under his breath, quickly turning on his heels and activating chidori. A few seconds passed before he stood behind y/n shielding her back and pierced the spot where Shino's heart was with his chidori. The ninja fell from his hand, along with his blade with a dull thud. Kakashi turned to look at y/n who was looking at him with wide eyes and felt a searing pain in his chest. With a low curse he fell to his knees as he realised that he was almost cut open in half.

"No!" y/n shouted as she quickly knelt in front of him with her hands glowing with chakra "Kakashi, Kakashi, keep your eyes on mine."

Is this it? He thought as his head reeled. Although his eyes seemed to be open, he saw nothing. He only heard the soft sound of chakra vibrating somewhere nearby and shallow breats. Maybe some whimpers. But he wasn't sure.

"Kakashi! I will never talk to you again if you die now" a distant soft voice cracked "I can't lose you. I don't want to lose you."

"I l-lied" he spoke quietly, not sure if she heard him at all, but he tried anyway "you are very brave... so brave it scares me... So, of c-c-course you are not week. Of course you're not a dis-straction. Of course I don't regret going here with y-you."

"Look at me, I'm begging you."

The last atoms of power Kakashi focused on what appeared to be y/n's face. When his vision sharpened a little he saw a smile or a twitch, he wasn't quite sure, and the beautiful color of the eyes that he had come to love so much.

"You are so beautiful."

lavander.

When Kakashi woke up in a dark room that smelled of lavender he was sure he was dead. He tried to blink hard a few times and shake the sleep from his eyes before he managed to sit up. His mask was still there, though he was dressed in plain clothes and covered with a thick blanket. Although he was warm, the air in room was cold. He realized that he was in the hut where he and y/n had left their things before they went to the Land of Waves. When he turned to the right he saw lavender in a pot and a small letter. He took the letter and began to read.

By all accounts you should wake up before I’m back. I left medicinal herbs, tea and food on your table. Don't even think of touching the bandage. I managed to sew up the wound completely, but it's better that the bandage soaked with medicinal water stays until I return, just in case. Of the flowers in the local flower shop, there were only lavenders because of the winter, I hope you are not allergic. Hehe. I went to get that stupid scroll and finish the mission so I'll be back soon. Don't follow me. You lost a lot of blood and strength. Please wait. I'll be back, trust me.

P.S. I didn't peek under your mask. Pinky promise.

-

Those few hours in which Kakashi drank all the tea, ate all the food and thought about the best way to go after her, felt like days. He realized with great amazement that y/n had somehow managed to heal entire wound which now only itched, not hurt. He felt very exhausted as he looked out the window at the rain falling wrapped in a blanket. It must have been terribly cold outside. How many days did he sleep? How is y/n? Is she hurt? What if they catch her and kill her? What if she's already dead? How many days has she actually been out of the hut? If she is dead he will kill everyone who is responsible. But he is responsible... He let his guard down and let that jerk almost kill him and that's why y/n is out there alone now. He won't be able to live with himself if she's dead. He was too tired. He will rest for only half an hour more and then he will leave. Towards her. Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

Knock knock.

Kakashi stood up with his heart pounding. They found him. But if they found him that means they will wait there for y/n to come back and then kill her easily. He took the kunai, opened the sharingan eye and cautiously approached the door. He wouldn’t let that happen. When he flung open the door he saw y/n with gentle eyes watching him, a scroll in one hand, a Shino’s blade in the other. She was wearing a normal ninja uniform and was soaked to the core. Y/n smiled widely at him but fatigue was very visible on her face. Her body was shaking uncontrollably from the cold.

"Oh thank heavens, you're awake" it came as sigh from her lips "I didn't want to drop any of this on the floor. Sorry if you had to get up. Everything went smoothly. Mission is complete."

He quietly helped her inside, took the things from her hands and put them on the floor. When he went to turn on the shower so that somehow hot water would warm up y/n he realized that there was no use because the water had frozen in the pipes.

"The shower doesn't work" he rasped and realized that it was probably the first thing he had said in days "change into something dry. We need to warm you up."

Kakashi then placed 2 blankets over each other on his bed and pulled y/n who was now only in a t-shirt and shorts (because that was the only thing dry) into bed with him. He hugged her tightly, limbs completely intertwined, his hands rubbing hers, trying to bring some warmth back into her body. All this with full awareness of how she was lying next to him in just shorts and a t-shirt. He fought the growing erection in his underwear, thinking about anything but the woman in his arms that he wanted more than anything else.

"I thought you were going to die" she spoke quietly against his chest, probably more to herself than to him, but he certainly heard her very clearly.

"You saved my life, Thank you" he mumbled against her hair.

Now she cocked her head hard and fast locking her eyes with his, fire in them, just the way Kakashi loved it.

"If it wasn't for you, I would be dead" she snapped angrily, holding his gaze with hers, now he kept his sharingan eye open "I just did one tolerable, but miserable thing."

"You are extraordinary. Really. I’m all heald now thanks to you. When I woke up today I felt like whole new person. Thank you" he lightly touched her cheek with his hand "And I don't know if that went through your crazy little head, but the last thing I want is to let people I care about die while I'm just watching from the sidelines. That very much includes you."

As if momentarily embarrassed, she looked away from him and brought her head back to rest on his chest. She breathed deeply.

When he noticed that the normal temperature was slowly returning to her body and the shivers stopped being so strong Kakashi let out a soft laugh.

"I don’t believe a thing you say,"

"What?" y/n cocked her head again looking into Kakashi's one open eye with a confused expression. That made him grin even wider.

"I don't believe you didn't look under the mask."

The girl in his arms scoffed looking at him with mocking eyes "My curiosity is big, but not so much that I want to play dirty. If i really wanted to see what's underneath I'd make you show me yourself."

"And?" Kakashi felt his breath slowly run out of anticipation "do you want to see it that badly?"

She looked at his mask silently then studied his open eye.

"You want to show me?" she asked quietly, and he just continued to watch her, with an unknown glow. She slowly removed both hands from the blanket and ran her fingers to the top of his mask. Her hands were shaking slightly and Kakashi realized with something, ah here it is again, very warm in his stomach that she wasn't shaking from the cold this time. Y/n slowly removed the mask from his face as he watched her carefully. When the whole cloth was finally removed, she sighed deeply. A soft smile graced her lips.

"Ah, what a disappointment" her gaze circled all over his face "nothing of the huge lips and horse teeth."

Kakashi felt his lips curl into a smile. He hugged her a little tighter.

"You are so beautiful. Gorgeous even." she looked him in the eye and now he was terribly, terribly hot all over. No one ever addressed those words to him. His body just moved closer to her until her lips were only inches away from his. He felt her breath brush his lips. He was waiting for her to do something… anything.. to give him the green light. Because no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't move on his own. Such tender and fragile moments were not frequent in his life, and suddenly he was terribly afraid of breaking this too. However when y/n pressed her lips to his all worries were quickly erased from his mind.

They kissed deeply and slowly as he ran his hands all over her body. He made sounds he didn't know he was capable of, but realized that nothing compared to her sighs and moans from the kiss. He slowly moved from her lips to her neck which he had been watching for so long as they talked months from now, taking deep breaths.

"How perfect you are" he murmured as she melted in his arms. She ran her hands first over his shoulders, then his back, finally letting her hands go under his shirt. He moaned burying his head deeper into her neck.

"Kakashi..." came out of her mouth like a plea, as if it was too much for her.

"I know y/n, I know," he breathed a big, hard sigh as he held her hips tightly so she wouldn't move against him anymore. It was very clear to him that she felt how much he wanted her. And he now wanted her to show her how much he wanted her "can I touch you?"

She looked at him with a warm look and red cheeks, then nodded briskly.

He let his hand dance from her neck, over her stomach, down to her lower abdomen where he pressed his hand firmly.

He kissed all over her hands, all the little cuts he'd seen just a few days before.

"Perfect. So fucking perfect. Lift your hips for me pretty girl" he whispered softly.

When he took off her shorts and realized how wet she was, he almost cummed In his pants at that moment.

He just touched her enterance briefly and she moaned leaning into his touch. Nothing has happened yet and he was so fucking turned on. Turned on by her smooth skin, maddening smell, her sighs, moans... This is 100x better than any erotic novel. He slowly kissed her clit, than licked it experimentally. Y/n closed her eyes and left her hands flying to his hair, hips bucking up to meet his mouth.

'Look at me, let me see you" he darkly whispered against her pussy, looking at her with his both eyes. He then licked and sucked her swollen clit, eyes never leaving hers, making her moaning mess.

"Fuck Kakashi, fuck" she cried pressing one hand against her mouth, than changing mind and letting that hand grip on his hair too "i need you now. Please."

He stopped for a second watching her.

"Are you.. -"

"Yes, yes, and don’t you fucking dare to leave now."

"Sure thing pretty lady" he smiled against her heat.

He took his time, exploring every exposed piece of skin now that he took her t-shirt off too. He blinked open the sharingan again and he was so damn happy that he could predict how she would react to every touch. He looked at her; sprawled out underneath him, with her face flushed, lips swollen.

"Have I ever told you that you are perfect?" he had that boyish smile now, looking at her lovingly.

"Pervert" she grinned while kissing him quickly.

"Ah yes" he left few kisses to her neck again "I remember you calling me that a few times" he put his fingers on her clit making her to squirm with embarrassment.

"Please Kakashi" her voice was so fucking sweet "I need you. Please."

"Need you too" he mumbled against her lips "so much. My beautiful girl."

Then all he could feel was her. She clouded all five senses and he felt like he was going insane. It was over far too quickly.

"Madness" he whispered in her ear and nuzzled her neck, thrusting deep and steady "you are madness."

He gave a few last thrusts and reached down with his hand to help her finish. It wasn’t long until she was writhing and whimpering underneath him.

He kissed the top of her head before he pulled her into him protectively, feeling sleepy. Enjoying the feeling of her skin flush against his, her sweet smell and now steady breaths he felt his body completely relaxing.

As he slowly drifted off to sleep he asked quietly against her hair "do you want to go out sometime?"

[sigmasemen]

WHEN YOU GO ON A DATE WITH THEM. (1/2)

multiple blue lock characters x reader

tags: romance, cute relationships, established relationships, fluff.

taglist: n/a currently

characters: alexis ness, akira endoji, ryusei shidou, nijiro nanase, ranze kurona, michael kaiser, bachira meguru, rin itoshi, chigiri hyoma.

word count: 2668

extra notes: i originally had sae in this but he didn’t make it into the 9 character count i usually do.

ALEXIS NESS:

- Ness is very strategic about dates and things of the sort. He always thinks about the best ways to make you feel special, how to plan things out for you to enjoy yourself, he's particular.

- Though he tends to stick to romantic dinners in a nice restaurant, private to just you and him, sometimes you suggest something a bit more daring. Like, "Let's go to a yoga class!" or "Let's head over to the local water park!"

- But, arguably, his favorite non-romantic-dinner-date is definitely when you two went out shopping. Not to a mall or anything, just a town square, traditionally built with intricate patterns in the rocks.

- Ness, at first, was just window shopping and letting you pick everything. Whenever you looked at something for a prolonged second, he grabs it, buys it, and gives it to you. Especially if it's matching.

- He's a bit touchy on dates. Mostly wrapping his hands around your waist, occasionally glaring at people who stare at you for too long then pressing a firm kiss onto your lips, face, wherever he can reach.

- Ness enjoys taking you to fancy wine and dine restaurants, though gets confused if you order something more normal. He always gets you extra food just in case. (On most dates though, he's cooking for you.)

- At the end of the date, he walks you home and has his usual V-shaped smile plastered on his face while he waits for you to tell him bye. He then leans down, presses a kiss on your hand, then trails kisses up to your cheek and smiles.

- "I will see you soon, my love." He then walks off, leaving you dazed (with, of course, a soft smile on your face.)

AKIRA ENDOJI:

- Akira blushes bright red whenever you do literally anything slightly cute on the date. If you give a small giggle, he'll grip the table with a huge grin and bright blush on his face.

- He holds open every door for you, pulls out your chair, adjusts your outfit when people are looking. He'll do anything for you and your praise.

- He loves his first date with you. He remembers you went to a garden, and as he was chasing you around in there, he somehow stumbled into the fountain. He looked sad that he had ruined his appearance, so you jumped in right with him.

- He adores going on as many dates as he possibly can with you. You're practically going on one every other day.

- Akira, whenever you're going up an elevator or doing something before a ride, will bounce on his heels and smile as he's excited.

- Each date is extremely eventful though. You cannot say you've ever had a bland one. Whether the idea is skydiving or Akira just accidentally does something dumb, it's a 50/50 chance.

- One time, you went to a zoo and stepped on a bug. You didn't really care, however your (lovely) boyfriend's arms and legs were wrapped tightly around you as he stared at the guts of it. Then proceeded to act cool until he saw another one.

- He enjoys when you touch the tuff of orange hair in front of others because he practically chirps like a bird.

- Always buys souvenirs after every. Single. Date.

- He also loves going on coffee or hot chocolate dates in the winter because you always shiver and he gets to give you his coat. He's very proud of himself after that.

- At the end of each eventful date, you lean on his shoulder while listening to music with him. He fools with your hand until you both fall asleep.

RYUSEI SHIDOU:

- Oh expect the most eventful dates to the point your legs are trembling after from running around with him.

- He adores to pamper you and give you all his attention on dates. And grab your ass. Also a very important part.

- Most dates include going to parks and beating kids on the jungle gym, going to a carnival and competing to see who's better (if he wins, he gives you the stuffed animal regardless), going to rave concerts, or staying home and fucking. Whatever he wants that day.

- He actually took you to see A Clockwork Orange. You didn't understand what he saw in it, especially considering the foulness of it... However, he explained how he fucking loved the gore. Weird, but you had learned to accept it after seeing that kick to the face Rin got...

- Shidou adores randomly slapping your ass on dates and making you yell. He finds it hilarious and will press kisses all over your face as a thank you for letting him.

- He sometimes invites you on sudden notice to feed strays with him, which then spirals into a long and loving date.

- You teach him how to slow dance. He does it to impress you, but beyond that he'd suck.

- Always asking you to wear revealing outfits but accepts it when you don't. He enjoys how you gawk at his muscles when he flexes though.

- He also finds it fun to take you to cat cafes and to place all the cats on you, then take a picture and run.

- He buys you a lot of small trinkets, especially clips and plushies. He even gets a custom plush of him to put on your phone. (He has one of you on his too.)

- All dates end back at his place after a few rounds, having you curled up against his chest. For once, even though he feels empty as usual, he enjoys the sight of you on his chest. His breath and your face made you both drift to sleep.

NANASE NIJIRO:

- Nanase is over the moon when you ask him out on a date. He's a bit scared to ask you out on dates but he appreciates when you ask him. The only time he ever asked you to take him out on a date was when he asked you to prom. (His mother was dolling him all up while he looked a bit embarrassed.)

- Most dates have you two holding hands or interlocked arms.

- Also getting dirty.

- Nanase sometimes takes you on remote dates to picnics so you can remain distant from everyone as it's nice to have just your company around.

- He loves dates where you two get to go on adventures together to try new things. Like rock climbing! (You found out he had a fear of heights with that.)

- A few times on your dates, he'd say a metaphor wrong to a snow cone vendor and you'd just giggle and kiss his cheek.

- He's very much a gentleman and will hold open doors for you constantly.

- Tried to slow dance with you when it was getting dark and it was raining, except he slipped and you both fell. It took a while for you to stop laughing.

- Usually you buy large drinks early on in the date to quench your thirst for the entire date.

- Whenever the date ends, you walk him home and shake hands with whatever parent is there at the time. You then wave and walk home. (He's texting you the entire way home to make sure you get home safely.)

RANZE KURONA:

- He practically rushes to ask you out as he doesn't want any other guy to come sweep you up and take you away. 

- Dates usually are random, he'll go anywhere you want to go. The aquarium is the main spot. Not because he picked it, but because you did. You'll stare at the sharks for a few prolonged moments, then look at you and trail your fingers along his teeth.

- You always wear lipstick to your dates so you can press a kiss onto his cheek.

- He usually dresses pretty casual for dates. Shorts and a tank top. You always go all out and it's cute to see your contrasting styles.

- Sometimes you'll bring a Nintendo switch and show games to him that he enjoys.

- Most dates are actually at either of your houses as you two like having alone time together. Sitting in bed together, sharing his jacket as you lean against his shoulder and keenly watch the movie you had put on.

- He enjoys playing music in the background when you two do work out dates. By the end, Kurona is still going while you're face first on the ground.

- Kurona hates going to restaurants and instead picks up fast food for you two. He's always trying new things at places. Though he especially likes snowcones from a certain corner store.

- Dates ends with silent walks late at night, content with each other's company and nothing more. Though, not much more is needed for you to be satisfied.

MICHAEL KAISER:

- Oh how he loves to spoil you rotten and pamper you. He sometimes runs his hands down your back and tells you how good you look. Asks you to wear outfits he specifically buys for you.

- He constantly takes you slow dancing and tells you that he has to show you off to the town. You're used to a lot of attention but it's even worse when Kaiser is flaunting you. Kisses you for the paparazzi.

- He pampers you a lot. Mostly dates on the town where he can show you off. Or he takes you in a helicopter and flies you around, taking you across buildings sight seeing.

- He loves how the cities reflect in your eyes and will randomly kiss you because of it.

- Always takes you to big, nice musicals and plays after renting out the entire theatre. He enjoys comparing you and his relationship to one of the relationships in the show.

- He adores feeding you German cuisine, says he made it but he most definitely did not.

- Most dates are very formal, however he doesn't mind any sort of date with you. He adores the look you get in your face after you've been pampered silly. 

- You have at least 50 different pieces of jewelry encrusted with a blue diamond or sapphire that he bought for you.

- Kaiser sometimes randomly reaches around your waist and presses firm kisses onto your neck, mumbling how beautiful your body looks in the outfit you have on. He just chuckles when you get embarrassed.

- All dates end with him dropping you off at home in some extra way, then telling your parents how great you were. He always has to make a grand gesture towards them as well.

[kagscore]

𝜗𝜚 playing games with the boys

feat. isagi yoichi, nagi seishiro, itoshi rin note. this is self indulgent because i wanna play league with nagi i fear ૮꒰⸝⸝> <⸝⸝꒱ა i hope you enjoy ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

⊹˚. ᡣ𐭩.𖥔 ݁ ˖ playing rocket league with 𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐘𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐈 looks like . . .

the two of you sitting in his bedroom, you curled up in his lap as you hold the controller. he holds your hands with his, moving the controller and pressing the buttons for you so you can get a grasp of the movements you need to know. slowly but surely, he lets you take full control and quietly cheers for you as you score goals and block them in his favorite game—car soccer. he's almost brimming with excitement at the idea of teaching you all sorts of tricks—flip resets, [insert other terminology]—anything so that eventually the two of you can play duos together and dominate the game. shows you how to decorate your car, the types of cars you can get and laughing when you ask if you could just drive a vw beetle instead. gets himself a second remote to play on his xbox when he thinks you’re finally starting to get the game and trying to cheer you up when you lose your first game duo’d together.

“you sure you wanna keep playing? i know it isn’t the easiest thing in the world…” “i think it’s so cute you wanna get good at this game baby, of course we can play when you come over again.”

⊹˚. ᡣ𐭩.𖥔 ݁ ˖ playing league of legends with 𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 looks like . . .

nagi absolutely tossing you in headfirst into aram, knowing that you won’t get kills or assists and will die a lot but absolutely sweating his balls off so that he can still carry you to a win. you ask a lot of questions about who you’re playing, who you’re playing against, your abilities and ultimates and just generally what to do and him answering every single question you ask with patience and a soft explanation. sometimes you do questionable things in game, but he just laughs and says it’s okay. congratulates when you finally figure out who you want to main, celebrates when you get your first kill, and even buys you that skin you want as a gift for taking the time to play a game with him and spend time with him. always rerolls his character in aram, trying to find someone you like and getting a bit teary eyed when you recognize his favorite character to play once.

“it’s your favorite character, babe, swap me for them.” “i know you’re new, but please stop dying to tower. i’ll even take us out for dinner, i’m begging.”

⊹˚. ᡣ𐭩.𖥔 ݁ ˖ playing valorant with 𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐑𝐈𝐍 looks like . . .

rin trying his hardest every game you play together to be the top frag to impress you subtly, and him avenging you every time you die because how could he let his person die without killing the person that killed you? drops you his gun skins and even switches them when you guys wait in queue to skins you prefer—if he doesn’t have the skin you like, he always gives it to you when he finds and kills the person with it in a game. goes into deathmatches to one v. one you to try and help you learn the mechanics of the game and the shooting. if anyone is rude to you in a game, he’s immediately cursing and hexing their family and generational lineage in his head/in chat. he doesn’t like talking in game, but will if it means defending you against everyone else being mean because you’re bottom fragging. buys you your first skin after you get your first kill and periodically logging into your account to buy you more and surprise you sometimes.

“you should try a duelist if you want to get more kills, my love.” “now we just need to get you an ace, and we can do something special.”

[iikisa]

izumo has gotta be my second favorite character

like— when everyone shunned Rin for being the son of Satan she was the only one to take his side and be there for him while they came to terms with his heritage. I really liked her from then on because of it :3

[thedanniannie]

🖤Uchiha Men on Bagging a Goth Baddie🖤

Characters: Madara, Obito, Shisui, and Itachi

Warnings: sliiiiight NSFW mention

(Descriptions also lean feminine)

Madara:

- first of all, I do not think Madara to be the kind to search out a goth babe. He would have to stumble upon someone who's personality fancied him, and they just happened to be gothy.

- I can see a connection happening after his future goth partner fearlessly locks eyes with him from across the street. And I'm sure this man has the biggest RBF of the entire clan, so that eye contact MEANS something.

- But once he falls in love with it once, let's just say he learns to love the goth side real quick.

- I think his favorite goth activity to share is watching horror films together. Talk about a man who could stomach any and every horror film (couldn't be me). Also, it's the perfect opportunity to play with their thighs.

- In terms of aesthetic, I think he likes the look of corp goth the most. He's a capricorn, so it just makes sense to me.

Obito:

- Oooohhhh... oh poor Tobi... bless his simp ass soul....

- He's the kind to find goths very hot from afar, but would be too nervous to really act on anything.

- Based off his crush on Rin, he might be drawn to a "sweeter" gothy babe. Like, if they're wearing a pretty little dress or ruffley blouse, and looks like a sweet Gothic fairy or something his heart would just swell a bit.

- Honestly the only way I could imagine him having the nerve to talk to a goth babe is if they were friends with Kakashi or something, and after a collective meeting and some hangout sessions, kakashi would have to wingman Tobi to finally ask them out.

- When he's got them locked in tho, ABSOLUTE simp behavior. They want to watch a horror film? Tobi will have it streamed immediately. They want to listen to their playlist in the car? Tobi has it saved and it's blasting. HE IS A SIMP!

- A babbling simp at that. On the days that they decide to really dress up, he's on his knees. And if they decide to accessorize with garters.... he wouldn't be able to leave the house with them bc of his constant boner.

Shisui:

- like Tobi, Shisui finds the goth bitches very hot. Unlike Tobi, he's always looking to bag a goth hottie.

- like, he's the guy to have a crush on Rhea Ripley. Yeah, that's gonna be my new hc for him.

- on their first date, Shisui is the kind to match their energy by bringing a Gothic bouquet for them (and yes he keeps one flower to know when to replace them yadayadayada)

- he'd also purposefully buy more black t-shirts for his wardrobe so that he can more often see his goth baddie wearing his clothes. And they know that pairing it with some cute underwear and some thigh highs will make Shisui loose his absolute mind.

- The Uchiha to most likely take them to the club. May lead some small dances here and there, but he's really there to let people know who's their boyfriend.

- also expect him to be the one to beg his gothy partner to put makeup on him while they sit on his lap.

- gets excited about crows with them

Itachi:

- okay LET ME IMGAINE THE MOST FANFIC SETTING FOR 3 SECONDS OKAY......... imagine bumping into him at the book store as you two are both browsing through the Gothic literature section and grow a connection after collectively geeking over the literature y'all have read JFIEKSBDIDOJWBDJDJIDJSBJD

- HE IS SUCH "VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND" MATERIAL. THIS UCHIHA IS A SECRET GOTH AND I WILL TAKE THAT TO MY GRAVE!!

- He'll get matching dark manicures with them.......... and he'll pay.

- I think Itachi would loooooove a "Morticia Addams" kind of look, the long dark hair and a long, flattering dress would make him stare at them like a valuable piece of high art

- a hangout at the graveyard doesn't phase him. He ends up finding it quite peaceful.

- out of all the Uchihas, he's the one to most likely adopt all their goth playlists (like I said, he's a secret goth)

- Itachi also gets excited about crows with them

.

.

.

WHERE'S SASUKE, WHERE'S SASUKE? I'M NOT A SASUKE GIRL.... sorry to hurt your feelings. Also, I think sasusaku is very cute, and I'm sorry but sakura is NAWT a goth girly. Like, it'd have to be a whole au thing. Also I'm so not experienced in writing uchihas other than Itachi, so this really is just a warm up for me.

[pain-in-the-butler]

Could you give us some good dadbastian fanfic? Oneshots, incomplete, completed anything really, i am starved and need some more food other than coattails(which i love very much!)

Hey there, thanks so much for being a Coattails reader! As an aside, I'm not sure if you're totally caught up or not, but sorry I don't yet have an idea of when the next part will be ready. I only have 4k words written so far and chapter 33 is looking to be another doozy... I'll be sure to keep everyone informed of when we're close 🫡

Anyway, I have no idea if you're like me when it comes to Dadbastian, but I'm pretty particular about what I enjoy. Angst has to play a factor in some form, for instance. I also don't like it when Ciel and Seb are too sappy with each other without it being earned. There's a reason Coattails had like 250k words of build-up before Sebastian actually accepted his Dadbastian fate.

With that in mind, here are my suggestions!

bottom of the deep blue sea by sunflowergiorno Easily one of my favorite Dadbastian fics, hands down. I remember going positively bananas waiting for the second part to come out. It's so gentle and tender and honest. It perfectly showcases the thoughts and feelings I'd hoped for Sebastian and Ciel to have to approach after their experience on the Campania. Words, Strings, and Butterfly Wings by Kimberly_T I love this story so dearly, and it's tragic that it's unfinished. This fic is a retelling of the Circus Arc, in which Ciel and Sebastian must actually pretend to be father and son, sometimes with hilarious results, other times endearing. A major inspiration behind Coattails for sure. I would die for Falco, an original character who to me is more endearing than any of the canon Noah's Ark cast members.

Dadbastian Week Drabbles by HeartLeftovers Nobody does angst like HeartLeftovers, and you'll drink up her poetic language like nectar. My personal favorite is Midnight, but read Magnifying Glass and Domesticated Wolf first for the full impact of the final stanza.

Sensorium by OtherCat Short but sweet. A story about how Sebastian helps Ciel at the beginning of the contract to stop thinking like a boy trapped in a cage. I love that it shows that Sebastian couldn't possibly have frightened Ciel into becoming an earl: he had to actually coax Ciel towards it.

Singing in the Silence by Kimberly_T Another one from Kimberly_T. Not strictly Dadbastian, but a story about the servants learning how to help Ciel with his PTSD in their very own inventive and roundabout way. Heart-meltingly adorable. It's canon to me, dammit.

Front Page News by TheArchaeologist Also not strictly Dadbastian (in fact, Ciel is incapacitated the whole time), but I only need the slightest reason to suggest this Phantomfam-centric fic. Mey-Rin's voice is especially realized. Even though you already know Sebastian, Snake, and Ciel will make it back from the Campania in one piece, you feel the Pham's worry palpably.

Through the Years by Kimberly_T Can you tell yet that I love Kimberly_T? Admittedly, this one I haven't read with perfect thoroughness, but I can tell you that the Dadbastian moments are peak. Ciel hires a new maid, a woman who nearly killed him when he invaded a brothel on a mission for the Queen. Please mind that this involves some discussions of SA. Also mind that the story largely centers around an original character, but no one does OCs like Kimberly.

ad perpetuam memoriam by redrobin1989 Only Dadbastian if you squint, but my god if you haven't read it yet go do it now.

I also have my Dadbastian week drabbles, Cutting Teeth, if you haven't read those! I hope that's given you some food for the time being. Eat up and enjoy!

[dazed--xx]

💘When Hearts Collide💘

Member: Non-Idol! Hyunjin x Reader

Word count: 9.9k +fake texts

T/W: angst, mentions of puberty, stereotypes of male and female friendships, teasing (friendly), Underage drinking (PLEASE BE CAREFUL wont say don't do it in my culture its pretty accepted if its a sip or two), jealousy, mutual pining, suggestive behavior but no smut (Theyre minors...like ill imply or mention that they've had sex or not cause their age range is 16-17 years old which is over the age of consent if its with another minor in the same age range but as a 26 year old I wont be writing teenagers having sex just seems odd to me), mentions of suicide but like in a joking way, arguing, Jungkook is legit voice of reason character. anything else that could potentially be a trigger.

A/N: wow i actually like loved this story and I was such a bitch about it. man the "groups chats" gonna love this one.....lol but nah fr I really appreciate the requester for this. i legit wrote it every chance I got these past few days so I hope you enjoy it. Also I might do another one from Li-Rin’s perspective cause it might be really cool and good too do

Can men and women be just friends?

Y/N thought so, for many years, she held her best friend Hwang Hyunjin close to her heart. Seeing him as more of a chaotic twin brother than a romantic partner. They had met at the tender age of 5 years old in kindergarten. She could remember it like it was yesterday when he extended the half-eaten candy bar to her as she wailed about not having a snack. His bright doe-eyed smile as he helped her wipe her tears. The soft pat on her back as she nibbled on the candy. She hadn't realized how this small interaction would develop into the most important friendship of her life.

Y/N will admit, unlike the other girls, she hadn't noticed Hyunjin was a guy until her second year of high school. While plenty of girls in middle school would fawn over him, she never really saw the appeal they had when it came to her best friend. This was the boy she saw cry for hours when his favorite anime was cancelled and he screamed like a final girl when he was tossed into her pool by her older brother. He was the kid she spent her summer nights in a tent collecting fireflies and telling ghost stories with. She saw him throw up on Choi Soojin when they kissed at a birthday party in 6th grade, and cry like a girl when Kim Mina broke up with him to date his friend in 7th.

How could she ever see him as a man?

She would have sworn that she never could if he didn't disappear the summer between the first and second year of highschool. Dance camp was what he had told her when he finally could answer her calls. His voice was deeper than it normally was and Y/N shrugged it off, not bothering to think much of the explanation until she saw him. That's when she realized it wasn't only his voice that could change when he hit puberty. Though she had developed before she started high school, she forgot the changes that came with puberty. No longer did her best friend have a chubby-cheeked baby face, his features were much more defined. Y/N wasn't sure how to handle the way her heart raced when he smiled at her. The way he ruffled her hair before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into a tight hug.

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up as her breath hitched in her throat. She hugged him back after a moment, before quickly trying to pull away from him. Her eyes avoided his as she continued to rack her brain for some kind of explanation as to why she had felt that way toward her best friend. While she had, had a boyfriend before, he never made her heart flutter like that. She was surprised when she felt Hyunjin's grasp on her waist tighten as he inhaled burying his face in her neck. "Where are you going? I missed you a lot, let me hold you for a second" He whined. She knew her face was a bright scarlet at his words. How could it not be? Her heart was pounding against her chest. "I-I missed you too but I don't want to be late..." She stammered shyly as she went to pull away from him again, this time turning away from him and he kept his arms wrapped around her waist letting his chin rest on her shoulder.

A pout sits on his lips as he stares at her "When did class become more important than me?"

"Will you be able to make my mother not be on my ass about college?" Y/N questioned as she raised her eyebrows as she tried to pry his arms from around her waist. "Stop treating me like a creep let me hug you I haven't been able to annoy you for almost three months" He groans. Y/N shakes her head as she palms herself at his words.

"You are a creep if you hold on to a girl without her consent"

"You're a girl?" Hyunjin asks in disbelief his hands resting on her waist as his eyes travel from her face down her neck, his teeth involuntarily taking his bottom lip as his eyes linger on her chest and hips for a moment. Y/N rolls her eyes at his words not noticing his wandering eye. "I can remind you if you'd like..." She teases playfully. Hyunjin's eyebrow raises in amusement for a moment before he shakes his head to himself before letting her go.

"How's that?" He whispered in her ear. He pressed his chest against her back, and Y/N turned her head to face him. She bats her eyes at him flirtatiously. "Wouldn't you like to know?" She teased as she scrunched her nose at him and walked toward the entrance to the school. Their sophomore year continued with flirty touches and whispers filled with unofficial infatuation. But they were still just friends and nothing more in Y/N's eyes. Nothing too different than normal teasing between best friends, they didn't really mean anything by it.

Right?

The summer proved to be confusing.

While she spent her days either with Hyunjin or at her part-time job, she found her eye wandering in her best friend's direction more and more. She found herself more excited to be at work than hanging out with Hyunjin the more summer went on. The close proximity she and Hyunjin typically kept when they hung out seemed to become overwhelming for her for some reason. Her friend, Li-Rin, swore she was developing a crush on him. Y/N could remember vividly how adamantly she denied the claim.

How could she have a crush on Hyunjin? It's Hyunjin...She never thought she would see him that way, and how could she? They've always been closer to siblings, so much so that their birthdays were separated by only a day. She never once thought that she would feel her heart flutter when he smiled at her. Nor had she expected her cheeks to turn a bright crimson every time he leaned in close to watch a video on her phone or when their finger brushed as she handed him something. She hated it honestly, how could she be one of those girls. She needed time away and felt picking up more hours at work would help her clear her mind and figure out how she felt about him. Spending that time away was helpful but she couldn't avoid him when she got out of work. He was practically part of the family, due to his living at the sharehouse her parents rented out to her and her friends. Her parents adored him and always invited him to holidays.

Y/N thought the party Li-Rin invited her to would finally be her escape. A way for her to get away from Hyunjin and her confusing feelings for him and clear her mind. Maybe even meet a cute boy in the process. But the moment she saw that familiar onyx mop of hair and lanky build with a petite brunette on his arm, she felt her comfort completely extinguish.

How could he be everywhere? she wondered as she made a beeline for the kitchen to indulge. The cluster of colorful glass bottles that sat beside the sodas drew her attention as she reached for a clear bottle with a red seal around the top. "Vodka....You sure that's a good idea?" An unfamiliar male voice questions from behind her. She groans in frustration as she turns to the person "Is that really your--" Her words are trapped in her throat as her eyes meet his. He's almost like a work of art and you weren't talking about the tattoos that littered his right arm.

He chuckles with a smirk as he raises his eyebrow in amusement. "Wow...You're actually speechless. I've never had this happen to me before" He comments. She shakes her head pulling herself out of her trance as she grabs a red solo cup, "I-I was caught off guard..." Y/N murmured twisting the cap off the clear bottle. The guy stares at her worriedly as she pours a large amount of vodka into the cup filling it almost halfway showing her inexperience. "Woah.. that's probably not a good idea" He warns as he tries to grab the cup from her.

Y/N's movements are faster than his as she quickly tries to drink the whole thing but the moment the stinging liquid hits her throat she feels herself gag. "Yup. That was probably a bad idea...." The stranger nods as she coughs at the burning sensation in her throat. She felt the stranger pat her back, comfortingly as she coughed up her lung. "I'm Jungkook by the way" He states sarcastically "You know? Since I have to take care of you now" his lips curl into a flirty smirk. Y/N groaned at his words "Nah, I'll be okay.." His eyes widen for a moment as she goes to walk away from him and embarrassment fills her gut. The lack of experience with alcohol made her body tingle with warmth, the room felt wavy. "W-wait!" Jungkook calls as he grasps her wrist. She stares at his hand as if it was a foreign object and he pulls his hand away.

"Sorry, but you just took a lot of alcohol to the head...you should probably sit down." He states as he lifts his hands in surrender. You stare at him with nervous curiosity. "No funny business and I'll just help you to the couch." He states calmly.

"Why?" She questioned nervously.

"You looked like you didn't know what you were doing when you were trying to get something to drink. I mean you clearly didn't even know that even for a heavyweight that was way too much to drink all at once.." He confesses.

"So what? You're some knight in shining armor or something?"

He chuckles at your words. "Nothing like that. Just want to make sure a pretty girl doesn't get taken advantage of or hurt herself because she didn't have someone to help her learn how to drink" Y/N smiles kindly at him as she accepts his offer.

Maybe she could get over Hyunjin...

It had been a little over an hour and Jungkook being the nice guy he was, he didn’t leave Y/N’s side.

The room no longer spun as she and Jungkook talked about everything and nothing at all. Y/N regretted not being a couple of years older, losing any chance to get with him when she told him her age, and as much as she wanted to forget about him; Hyunjin and his little friend wouldn't leave her mind. What were they doing? She wondered. Who was she? His new girlfriend?

Jungkook playfully taps the rim of his cup on her forehead. "You still in there?" He questions with a chuckle. Y/N smiled as she rolled her eyes at him. "I'm sober now, you know?" She replied brushing over her spacing out. Jungkook raises his eyebrow in amusement "Really? Wanna take a couple tests to prove it?" Jungkook questions with a smirk as he rests his arm across the back of the couch adjusting himself to face her. His free hand reaches out for her chin taking it between his forefinger and thumb as he examines her features. Y/N gives him a look saying 'Are you serious?'

Jungkook nods at her, smiles, and brings his hand down as he notices her relaxed state. "Not completely sober but tipsy, so that's better than before," he says calmly. Y/N was about to say something when someone sat between her and Jungkook. Y/N's eyes widen as she recognizes her best friend, who sloppily leans on her shoulder.

"Baby..." Hyunjin whined as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Y/N sighs as she's greeted by the strong scent of liquor. "Hey, Jinnie..." she coos soothingly. Hyunjin's face lights up as she rubs his back. She gives Jungkook an apologetic look and he gives her a reassuring smile as he lifts his beer toward her before taking a sip. Y/N giggles at his gesture and Hyunjin looks between the pair. His eyes burned holes into Y/N's cheek. "Who's he?" Hyunjin slurs before leaning into Jungkook's face "Who are you?" he questions, a hint of bitterness in his tone. Y/N grabs Hyunjin's sleeve tugging him out of Jungkook's face.

"Sorry, Jungkook oppa...This drunkard is my best friend" Y/N apologizes as she gives Hyunjin a warning look, who stares back at her with a look of disgust as he feels jealousy filling his stomach. "Oppa? Since when have you known each other?" He questions, his tone laced with annoyance. Jungkook answered him this time, "Met Y/N earlier tonight, She was....experimenting and it backfired" He chuckles.

"Was I talking to you?" Hyunjin questions as he gives Jungkook an annoyed look. Jungkook's eyebrows raise in amusement "You're talking about me and in my vicinity, Best Friend Hyunjin" Jungkook's tone is playful and sarcastic as he begins to find amusement in Hyunjin's reactions seeing how red his face turns. Hyunjin scowls at Jungkook as he goes to stand up before Y/N grabs the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Sit." She grits. Hyunjin gives her a look of disbelief, his mouth hanging open partially. "But bab--" Y/N holds her hand up, cutting off his words. "No, apologize...he's our sunbae and he helped me out a lot tonight" Y/N explains. "You're drunk, Jinnie..." She gives him a look of concern as she caresses his cheek lovingly. Hyunjin leans into her touch for a moment before nodding, with a guilty pout. He turns to Jungkook, bowing politely "I'm sorry, I-I've been drinking and I was rude..." He mutters reluctantly. Jungkook gives him a reassuring smile "Don't worry about it, I've done way worse"

"You want me to bring you home, Jinnie?" Y/N asks worriedly as Hyunjin reaches for her hand, taking it into his as he leans on her shoulder and begins to play with her fingers, trying to stop the room from spinning. So cute...Y/N thinks as he pouts as he tries to snuggle into her. "Come on, Let me bring you home." She coos as she stands up. Jungkook helps lift Hyunjin off the couch and escorts him outside. "Y/N, you aren't driving right?" Jungkook questions worriedly. She shakes her head, "No, thank god our share-house is only a 5-minute walk so I didn't drive." She states as the crisp autumn air kisses her skin. Jungkook sighs in relief "You need me to help get him there?"

"No, trust me I'll be fine"

Jungkook doesn't protest as he leans Hyunjin back against her and she lifts his arm over her shoulder. Hyunjin immediately wraps one of his arms around her waist pressing his chest against her back, his other arm wraps around her shoulders and he nuzzles his nose against her temple. "Hmmmnnn..." He sighs "So pretty...."

"Thanks, Jinnie but lets get home, 'kay?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Hyunjin questions as he continues to cling to her; making their walk a lot harder than it needed to be. Y/N shakes her head "I don't have to report to you, but I also didn't even know I was coming until I just did" She shrugs.

"I would have come with you. we could've had f-fun together though baby...I wouldn't--i wouldn't feel so worried...right now" He slurs as he tightens his grip on her waist. Y/N raises her eyebrow "Worried? Why?" Hyunjin just shakes his head "You don't get it... you won't understand..." He whines his voice cracking as he rests his head against the back of hers.

"When don't i understand you?"

"Always! you always ignore everything I'm trying to do and think I do things for stupid reasons like because I'm your best friend!" Hyunjin shouts. Y/N feels surprised at his declaration as she tries to hold onto his arm. "What are you talking about?" She questions as she feels him rest his chin on the top of her head. "hey! I'm not your crutch stop, you're heavy" Hyunjin ignores her as he stops their movements hugging her tight.

"Why did you have to be with that guy? Why not me?"

"Jinnie, what are you talking about?"

"That guy! Why were you with him? How long have you known him? Is he your boyfriend now? He's not, right?" Hyunjin slurs his voice full of worry as his grasp on her tightens. Y/N shakes her head "No? I just met him, I drank too much and he helped me sober up. Besides Jungkook oppa isn't interested in a minor, he's 5 years older than us" She retorts. Hyunjin lets out a sigh of relief as he loosens his grip on her and leans in kissing her temple. "Good...you should be mine. Not anyone else's" He mumbles into the kiss.

"God, how much did you have to drink?" Y/N questions. "Not a lot in the beginning..." Hyunjin slurs and Y/N raises her eyebrow, turning her head so she can face him. Her cheeks heat up as the corners of their lips touch and she pulls away slightly.

"And after the beginning?" She asks her voice laced with concern.

Hyunjin hangs his head "I was gonna pace myself, I know I should b-but--why were you with him?" He asks again cutting off his own explanation due to his intoxication. Y/N felt unease settle in her stomach and a subtle sense of guilt. "I just told your drunk ass that I drank too much earlier...Thank god I'm sober enough for this right now" Y/N groans as she tries to get Hyunjin to continue walking but he stands his ground and holds her in place. "Why were you all over him then?" He questions, pain and jealousy laced in his tone.

"I was drunk...you're all over me right?"

"I could be..."

"You are...." Y/N rolls her eyes at his ignorance. "No...not the way I wanna be...can I show you?" He whispers as he presses himself against her. Y/N goes to turn to look at him to scold him, his hand moves from her waist to her cheek as he leans in and presses his soft lips against hers. Y/N's eyes widen as she freezes, Hyunjin's eyes flutter closed as he groans against her lips. She hesitantly responds to his kiss, letting her lips move against his for a moment. She felt her heart swell as he kissed her deeper his tongue brushing over the entrance to her mouth. Y/N goes to pull away, her sobriety making everything seem way too overwhelming.

"No.." Hyunjin whines as his lips chase hers and he turns her around so she is facing him. "Taste so good...don't make me stop" He slurs. His drunken state is more obvious and Y/N can pry herself away from him. "You have to. I need to get you home and you're being a pain" Y/N pouts as she takes his hands in hers comfortingly. Trying to brush over his previous actions, her heart raced a mile a minute as he furrowed his eyebrows. His angelic features looked completely flushed and she felt her guilt grow stronger.

"Kiss me..." Hyunjin whines as he takes his hands from hers and holds her face as he leans in, brushing his lips over hers. Y/N leans back and hurt flashes across Hyunjin's face. "You're drunk..." Y/N reasons as she grabs his wrist finally able to get him to start walking back to the sharehouse. "So?" He questions with a pout.

"I'm not kissing you when you're drunk..."

"I'm not a girl..."

"Being a guy doesn't make it consensual, especially not when you're this drunk. you still don't have a solid mind to consent to anything so don't make me a pervert."

"You just did..." He murmurs as he trudges behind you. Y/N sighs in frustration at his brattiness. "You kissed me, which I will be overlooking because you're what?...say it with me here, Drunk" Y/N jokes but it sends a painful shock straight to Hyunjin's heart.

"So if I kissed you sober? Will you stop me then?"

Y/N freezes for a moment. Her face heated up. "You won't..."

"I want to..." Hyunjin confesses as he reaches out to caress her hip. “If I try to, will you let me?" Y/N raises her eyebrow in amusement. "You'll have to try and see..." she replies, trying to sound nonchalant but flirty. Hyunjin leans over her shoulder, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear.

"You think I won't?"

"You've never shown interest in doing it before," Y/N giggles, trying to lighten the mood as she grows nervous. Hyunjin scoffs, "That's a lie. We kissed at Nam Hyunjoo's party." A look of frustration sits on Hyunjin's features as Y/N shakes her head.

"That was 4 years ago, Jinnie, and a dare" She retorts as she sighs in relief as they finally walk through the gate of the share house. Hyunjin trudges behind her "It doesn't matter it happened..."

"Yeah, Yeah. go to bed" Y/N waves him off as they enter the house. Walking toward the couch she sits down allowing her muscles to finally relax; her head rests against the headrest. Hyunjin places both of his hands on the back of the couch as he leans over her "Stop doing that, Let me kiss you now" He whines as he leans in closer and Y/N leans forward for a moment brushing her lips over his teasingly before shoving him back by his shoulders and gets off the couch opting to escape to the sanctity of her bedroom.

"Sober up first" She states with a wink as she disappears up the stairs.

Y/N thanked GOD that Jungkook helped her out the night before, completely avoiding a hangover and being able to make it for her shift today. The fast-paced environment of the diner on a Saturday morning, the hectic and ridiculous amount of tickets, and not enough coffee to go around. But even in the chaos, Y/N finds herself grateful to find her mind occupied with something other than Hyunjin like it had been for the past 12 hours. She didn't sleep a wink, her heart in her stomach from the moment she went upstairs.

The ghost of his lips lingered on hers. She had a hard time remaining in her room and not taking care of her best friend, but his persistence in her kissing him made her feel butterflies rise in her stomach. She had a hard time accepting how much she enjoyed it, it was Hyunjin; He was her best friend. They'd kissed before, how could it feel so different when he kissed her this time? How could everything be such a mess? She had drifted off into a restless slumber in and out throughout the night until she had to get up for work at 4:30 am.

From the moment she opened the doors, she no longer had time to think about anything but breakfast items and coffee orders. As it began to slow down, she heard the familiar chime from the bell. She greets the customer as she wipes down the counter. "Take a seat anywhere.." She instructs them kindly as she turns around and is greeted with a familiar face. Jungkook stands there with an amused smile and another guy next to him pats his shoulder as he walks toward the bar. Y/N sighs as Jungkook presses the bell, she notices him leaning over on his elbow and he waves playfully giving her a teasing look.

Grabbing a coffee pot she walks over to the pair, a service smile on her lips as she stands in front of them. "How can I help you today?" She asks, professionalism laced in her tone. Jungkook smirks and raises his eyebrow "Half a cup of vodka" He teases. Licking her lips, Y/N looks around for her boss. "Go fuck yourself" she retorts when she doesn't see him nearby.

Jungkook places his hand over his chest as he scoffs in faux offense "And here I came to check on you and everything..."

"No, you didn't. you literally said you were gonna harass me at my job last night"

"Damn, thought you'd be too drunk to remember" Jungkook chuckles as his friend scrolls on his phone completely uninterested in the conversation. "Speaking of being too drunk to remember, You have a hard time with your friend?" Jungkook asks as he flips the mug in front of his friend and himself over and gestures for her to give them coffee. Y/N complies filling both of the mugs as she shakes her head trying to avoid talking about Hyunjin too much. "Nah, it's not the first time he's been blacked out. Kinda always his caretaker" She shrugs. "Are you gonna eat too?" She asks as she pulls her pad out of her apron, clicking the pen. Jungkook raises his eyebrow "Is it free?"

"Broke College student meet broke highschooler" Y/N snorts as she waves her hand in front of her, gesturing toward herself. Jungkook rolls his eyes before scanning over the menu placed in front of him.

"Can i get a bacon egg and cheese bagel?" Jungkooks friend asks and Jungkook nods along with him. Y/N writes their order and goes to enter it in the POS. She feels a tap on her shoulder and turns to see her manager standing there. "Sir?" She questions puzzled.

"Go on your 30 after you put it in, Hera's gonna cover you" He states calmly before turning away from her. Not needing any more instruction you quickly finish entering Jungkook's order and clock out for your break. Walking toward the break room, she stops in front of the lockers grabs her phone, and walks out the back door to get fresh air. Turning her phone on it comes to life with messages from Hyunjin.

Y/N felt her cheeks turn a bright scarlet as she read the pet name. How could such a simple request make her heart race so much? How could she be feeling so excited to go home now? The memory of their kiss lingers in her mind. Brushing her fingers over her lips for a moment before she realizes her behavior. Her eyes widen as she quickly brings her hand away from her lips.

Oh Fuck....She likes Hyunjin.....

Y/N didn't know how to handle her epiphany.

The more she spent with him, the more her feelings seemed to blossom. She felt her eyes searching for him and her heart racing faster when he called her name. Even when the school year started she figured her heart would finally settle now that they were in separate classes and they would only see each other in passing due to her cram school. But she should have realized how persistent her best friend could be, he and Li-Rin rarely got along besides a few tipsy interactions and taking care of the other hungover self until Y/N was available to take over. To say she was surprised to see the pair now getting along swimmingly would be an understatement.

Due to Li-Rin's budding friendship with him, Hyunjin no longer breaks away during lunch and would come with Li-Rin to hang out with them. Every once in a while, he and his friends would disappear for who knew what and Y/N would finally gain the ability to breathe again. She sometimes dreaded these days when Hyunjin needed to be extra clingy before going to his class in the morning. How should she keep trying to play things off how she normally would? For years she would have brushed off his flirty remarks and clingy actions but now she found herself reciprocating. She knew how dangerous this could be, how crossing the line with him beyond a drunken kiss and flirty words could ruin everything they'd built over the years. But as the weeks continued to go by she found herself not caring as much as she once had.

She finds herself feeling more and more eager at the idea of giving in to her emotions and just confessing to Hyunjin. What could be the harm? He was her best friend for a reason. They understood each other on a level no one else could reach. "Y/N, Li-Rin" Hari calls the pair over as they look around the cafeteria. Y/N smiled feeling a sense of relief as she didn't see Hyunjin and his group of friends seated at the table. Walking over to where Hari was seated, Y/N smiled at the 3 other girls who gave her a friendly wave. "Y/N, Hyunjin finally let you off the leash?" Sol-i teases as Y/N sits beside her. Rolling her eyes Y/N chuckles softly "So I'm a dog now?" She raises her eyebrow. Hari giggles as she joins in on the teasing "I mean with the way you two cling to each other you'd think they're married" The girls laugh at the joke.

Y/N feigns disgust "You realize he's just my best friend right?"

"Is that why you guys made out at the party Friday?" Hari questions with her eyebrow raised and Y/N feels her heart drop into her stomach.

"What? What are you talking about?"

Hari rolls her eyes as she leans in closer "I saw you guys, completely sucking face right down the street from Felix's place" She giggles and Y/N's eyes widen as she begins to stammer in a panic "W-what? N-No. No, it wasn't--we weren't sucking face it was just a kiss." The girls gasped "So, it's true?" Li-Rin questions, an unfamiliar look on her expression. Y/N looks at her for a moment "Hyunjin was blackout and feeling clingy so he kissed me. But it was just a stupid kiss, that Hyunjin probably doesn't even remember so it doesn't matter." She argues trying to change the subject. "You guys should totally go out, you guys would be cute" Aera comments cheekily. Y/N groaned in response as she hid her face in her hands.

"Can I just die right now?"

"Why? Because you LOOOVVEE him?" Sol-i teases.

"No, because you guys are embarrassing" Y/N states as she softly throws a fry at her. "Don't get mad at me because you like him"

"N-No, I don't" Y/N lies, trying to keep her feelings private while she tries to work them out. However, She feels a real relationship could possibly work out with Hyunjin. She wouldn't want to ruin any chance she had by involving her caring and loving but nosy friends in the mix. Y/N felt herself grow anxious as Ji-Rin's face lights up at her refusal. "You don't?" Ji-Rin asks her eagerness for the same answer evident and Y/N complies. "N-Not like that. H-He was drunk so..."

"Good." Ji-Rin sighs placing her hand over her chest as if she's relieved. "So, what's everyone gonna do tonight wanna study at my place." She asks trying to change the subject, Hari's eyebrow raises and the other four's eyes meet each other as they feel an awkward tension settle over the group.

Before Hari speaks up "Nah, put that shit in reverse and park it. The fuck do you mean good?" She challenges. Ji-Rin gives her a puzzled look "What do you mean?" she questions with a confused pout her head tilting to the left side slightly.

"What I just said. What do you mean good? Do you like Hyunjin or something?" Hari asks with shock and a defensive tone. Ji-Rin smiles giddily as she covers her face with her hands. "Maybe~" Ji-Rin replies "Kinda..." Hari scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest as she goes to say something to her, Y/N kicks Hari under the table as she notices Hyunjin and his friends making their way over to their table. "But--" Hari tries to argue, and Y/N turns her head away from Hari "Not the time."

"This looks intense." Hyunjin's friend, Jisung comments as he raises his eyebrow in amusement. Y/N gives him a kind smile "No, Missy, why do you look so grumpy" Jisung questions as he ruffles her hair and sits beside her and the rest of the guys go to sit down. Hyunjin stands behind Jisung with his eyebrows furrowed as he stares between the pair, jealousy fills his stomach. "Hyunjin, there's a seat here" Li-Rin calls him gesturing for him to sit beside her, his mouth hung open for a moment wanting to protest but in the end, he slumped his shoulders and trudged over to the seat beside Li-Rin. He grumbles something under his breath toward her and she rubs his arm comfortingly as she whispers something to him and he nods with a sad pout.

An uncomfortable feeling fills Y/N's stomach as she stares at the pair, when did they get so close? Hyunjin said they had gotten along a little easier after Y/N had left her to watch him; but could things have gone further than a friendly understanding being built? Y/N tried to focus on the conversation Jisung had dragged her into but with Li-Rin's previous confession, Y/N could not drag her eyes off the pair. She felt betrayed, how could Li-rin do this to her? No matter how often Y/N denied it, there was a reason the girls always made jokes about her and Hyunjin being together. Li-Rin could see her closeness with Hyunjin, even if she didn't have feelings for him, liking Hyunjin would be crossing the line for any of her friends and they knew this.

Li-Rin was a newer addition to the group, Y/N had met her in her first year and they quickly hit it off. Y/N's longest female friend, Hari, always held a small dislike for Li-Rin. Sol-i and Aera held a neutral stance never showing her disdain but also never getting too close to her. Y/N was the one who trusted her wholeheartedly and accepted her.

how could she like Hyunjin?

Was she messing with her? She had to be. It had to be a joke. How could Y/N confess to him if her friend likes him? That would be so cruel to Li-Rin, no matter the line crossed Y/N wouldn't stand in her friend's happiness. Li-Rin didn't choose who to like, these things just happen. If anyone understood that it was Y/N, but why did it have to be now? Why couldn't it be last year? Long before Y/N really understood how she felt about him and she wouldn't feel like she's being a terrible person if she were to confess. Now that she knew Li-Rin liked Hyunjin, Y/N felt panicked as she watched the way he smiled at her while they talked. While he kept a small distance between himself and her, Y/N could see some form of a connection built between the pair. It left her unsettled as one question lingered on her mind.

Does Hyunjin like her too?

Y/N felt herself panicking during her cram school.

Hyunjin went to study with Li-Rin and Jisung. She felt herself growing nauseous at Li-Rin confessing before Y/N could talk to her about her expose at lunch. She watched the clock as the time continued to drag on. It felt like an eternity as she watched the clock a minute away from 10:30 pm.

As soon as her cram school ended, Y/N quickly made her way to the bus stop and pulls out her phone to text Li-Rin.

As she reads Li-Rins last message, Y/N feels her heart sink into her stomach and she drops her phone as if the device had burned her. Looking around in embarrassment hoping no one saw her, she quickly grabs her phone off the ground in front of her as the bus pulls up and she gets on. Walking toward the back of the bus she sits in a seat in the second to last row, leaning against the window her mind races,

What did she say?

Y/N read the message over and over again, hoping it would change. She felt bile rise in her throat as she contemplated what to reply. She wasn't sure what to do. How should she respond? What could she do? Was being a good friend saying yes? She wasn't sure if she even wanted to. How could she set the guy she likes up with anyone, let alone her friend? She felt tears prick her eyes as she struggled to find an answer as she felt someone tug on a strand of her hair.

Chalking it up to an accident Y/N stares out the window at the bright lights of the city. She almost loses herself in her emotions when she feels the person behind her tug on a strand of her hair again. Feeling irritation swell in her gut she turns around to cuss out the person. "The hell is your--Jungkook Oppa?" She questions her eyebrows scrunching together in confusion as the older male sat there with a mischievous smirk. "Finally you notice me. You know you're quite elusive" He comments with a chuckle. "I tried to say hi when you sat down but I don't think you heard or saw me"

"And you thought harassment was a good way to get my attention?"

"It's fun to annoy you. You look like crap though what's up?"

Y/N rolls her eyes at his comment "Cram school. Why do you always seem to piss me off every time I see you?" Jungkook shrugs as he shifts to sit next to her. "What's up though? Cram school sucks but it doesn't usually make you cry." He questions worriedly. Y/N crosses her arms over her chest and shrugs. "Nothing...Just stupid stuff I guess." She groans. Jungkook shakes his head "Every problem seems like the end of the world at your age but if you talk to someone older they usually seem small" He tries to convince her to open up as he bumps her shoulder with his.

Feeling her resolve crumble to dust, Y/N rambles "Ugh, It's nothing--just you remember my best friend?"

"Vividly"

"Well, my friend said she might like him and ever since the night of the party I've been freaking out because he kissed me and I liked it" She states as her speaking speeds up slightly "But I never used to like him like that before so I wouldn't have cared if my friend liked him before but now I do like him so I do care that my friend likes him" Jungkook stares at you blankly. "Jesus fuck I think you gave me a stroke trying to keep up with all of that" Jungkook jokes as he rubs his temples. "So what you're saying is you and your friend both like Hyunjin?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay? and why is that your problem?" Jungkook asks seriously raising his eyebrow. Y/N's eyebrows furrow in confusion "What do you mean? We both like the same guy, that's wrong..."

"Who told you that?" Jungkook questions with a puzzled look on his face. Y/N stares at him dumbfounded and he sighs "Look kid, there's nothing wrong with you both liking the same guy. It's how you both handle it that will determine if it's wrong to like him or not. Does she know you like him?" Y/N shakes her head "She asked me but I just figured out how I feel so I told her no, but it's cause I thought I would have time to figure out what to do"

"Then you can't be mad at her for anything. You lied so you should fix that first, then you should tell him how you feel and let him determine who he wants to be with before you girls go fighting each other." Jungkook advises.

"She asked me to help her go out with him....am I a bad friend if I don't do it?"

"You are if you lie to her about it" Jungkook shrugs as he sighs "To be 16 and only worry about stupid shit like this again" He states in a wishful tone. "You aren't that much older than me" Y/N comments. Jungkook lifts his hand placing his index finger over her lips as he closes his eyes "Shhhhh....I'm reminiscing"

"Well, Ahjussi, you said you went to Seoul national and lived on campus right?"

"Uh-huh, why?"

"Cause we're driving past it" Y/N points out the window and Jungkooks eyes snap open as he jumps up from his seat staring out the window before he pushes the button signaling a stop and it pulls to the side of the road when it can. Y/N stifles a laugh as she covers her mouth with the back of her hand. "You're embarrassing Oppa" she comments.

"Shut up! but remember what I said" Jungkook waves her off as he rushes off the bus.

Jungkook was right....

It was childish to expect for friends to not eventually like the same person one day. It's a normal obstacle while growing up and people can't control who they develop feelings for. Is what Y/N told herself, but for the past two days every time she saw Li-Rin and Hyunjin together; she wanted to put her head through a wall. It didn't help they were paired up for a project in their class and the time they had spent together doubled as Y/N's time with him dwindled more and more.

While she still occasionally was able to hang out with him in the mornings and at lunch, something felt different about their interactions. They were distant and withdrawn and it felt odd. Y/N wasn't used to not having her best friend cling to her. But for the past few days, she couldn't remember the last time Hyunjin had any physical contact with her. Y/N found herself drifting off into thought as she sat at a table in the library, Li-Rin asked her to study with her earlier in the day and Y/N felt the need to talk to her about her request.

Y/N struggled to find a way to bring it up. How do these types of things usually go? What was it Jungkook said again? She contemplated as her mind went a mile a minute. Honesty. start with honesty she sighs to herself.

"Li-Rin...." She gasps. And the girl perks up lifting her eyes from the textbook "What's up hun?" Li-Rin gives her an innocent expression as Y/N feels her heart sink into her ass. "Uh, S-so you remember what we talked about the other day?" Li-Rin gives her a confused look "What? Hyunjin?"

Y/N nods "Well i wasnt exactly honest with you guys"

Li-Rin shrugs "Kinda figured..."

Y/N looks at her lap in shame "I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable setting you up with Hyunjin." Li-Rin's eyes widen in surprise "Woah! no it's fine, we already talked and are hanging out alone Friday and stuff" She confesses almost as if she is rambling. Y/N feels her heart stop "Oh? Y-You confessed?"

Li-Rin looks around, a look of panic on her features. "Uh--Y-Yeah...sort of..." She states as she nervously looks down at her textbook, mumbling something under her breath. Y/N's blood runs cold "O-Oh..." she stutters as she bites her lips hesitantly.

Li-Rin looks at her apologetically "Y/N..--Don't let this get in the way of our friendship okay?" Y/N cuts her off as she chokes back her sadness and gives her friend a reassuring smile. "You said you sort of confessed so, I'll take a step back and if he officially says yes to you then I will work on moving on." Li-Rin feels guilt eating away at her. "I'm so sorry, Y/N..."

"Don't be. If he says no to you, then I'm gonna confess...it won't be right after and I'll be there for you wholeheartedly, and you'll still feel complete support from me no matter what okay? But I do think that, if he says no to you, then I deserve to have a chance to see if something could work out between us.....because with our history I really think it can..." Y/N confesses. "So, I'm going to be a bad friend for this one time and this one time only, because you surprising me with your feelings like that wasn't fair, I hope things don't go as you planned and whatever you plan on doing a bird poops on your head while your confessing and he laughs"

Li-Rin gives her a bewildered expression "A-are you alright in the head? You want a bird to poop on me when I confess? What if I'm inside?" Li-rin questions teasingly.

"Then I hope you fall....wait no that's mean no I don't. umm" Y/N struggles to think of something bad enough that she could laugh at her friend but not too bad she could be hurt. "I hope you pee yourself" Y/N exclaims excitedly. "Shhh" The librarian whispers in her direction and Y/N hides her face in her textbook as Li-Rin stifles a laugh.

“You’re an idiot”

Y/N felt her face fall at Hyunjin's obvious anger toward her. It had been two weeks since Y/N and Li-Rin had talked. while Y/N wanted to support her two friends' budding relationship, she felt nauseous and annoyed whenever Li-Rin and Hyunjin appeared together. Why not me? She'd wonder Why couldn't it be me? She felt guilt rising in her stomach. She had been avoiding him for longer, something about this year had changed her. Y/N didn't understand, before the idea of not talking to Hyunjin would be painful but since she had spoken to Li-Rin; talking to him hurt the most.

How was she supposed to move on? How could she be with someone else when, to Y/N, no one else could compare?

She couldn't handle it, and in the nature of honesty, she had kept her feelings for him to herself. Though every day she felt herself struggling to refrain from just marching into his bedroom and confessing. A snap in front of her pulls her out of her thoughts. "Polynomials are frustrating but not that much, which means you're not paying attention so you owe me 5 bucks" Jungkook states sarcastically. Y/N's eyes widen "5 bucks?! We agreed on a dollar"

"You weren't paying attention for 5 minutes"

Y/N gives him a look of disbelief "You took my job! You should know I'm broke." she exclaims. Jungkook shakes his head as he wipes the counter, raising an eyebrow at her "I'm literally working, tutoring you, and reading your texts at the same time" Her mouth hangs open as she goes to argue and Jungkook places his finger in front of her lips. "Shhh. Thank you, Jungkook"

"For what? Being nosy?"

"Being smarter than you"

Y/N rolls her eyes as Jungkook gives her a knowing look. "Don't okay? Hyunjin and I aren't your business" Jungkook snorts as he tosses the rag over his shoulder. Leaning back against the prep line "From where I'm standing there is no Hyunjin and you." Y/N shakes her head as she lifts her math textbook. "Not what we're supposed to be focusing on" She states as she gives the book a gentle tap on the counter. "You got distracted first" Jungkook puts his hands up in surrender. Y/N sits there, staring up at him expectantly and Jungkook raises his eyebrow "What?" he asks crossing his arms.

"Come on out with it..."

"Out with what?"

Y/N gives him a look saying 'Are you serious' with a tilt of her head. "I can literally see you trying not to combust. Holding back from just giving me advice because you know you're too damn nosy" Jungkook scoffs holding his chest in offense. "First of all missy, I'll have you know that you should feel lucky I care enough about you to be nosy." he narrows his eyes. "Oh thank you, I'll appreciate all the gold produced from your touch...."Y/N mocks. She jumps in surprise as she feels a sharp sting on her forehead as Jungkook retracts his hand away from her face. "Did you just flick me?" She exclaims.

"Anyway, why are you here with me, studying math when you could be with the guy you're in love with?"

"Because you'd miss me too much" Y/N smiles and Jungkook rolls his eyes "As much as I appreciate your presence, soul-sibling, I've known you for like 4 months at best and even I know that's bullshit" Y/N groans and covers her face in her hands. "Ugh, I just don't want to see him all over Li-Rin." Jungkook shakes his head giving her a disapproving look "If it was gonna bother you this much then you shouldn't have told her you'd support her if she confessed"

"You act like I knew it would bother me this much!"

"Is that why you haven't clarified our actual relationship to him?" Jungkook raises his eyebrow. "I'll tell him..."Y/N trails. It was Jungkook's turn to give a look of 'Are you serious?' "When? When he and Li-Rin stop hanging out?" Jungkook quips and Y/N smirks "Exactly"

"Bullshit! You're a minor that shit aint happening with my name"

"I'm kidding, Jesus old man take a joke." Y/N scoffs as she closes up her textbooks. Jungkook gives her a stern look "Clarify it or stop coming around me" Y/N's mouth hangs open in disbelief and Jungkook shakes his head in response "Don't give me that look missy. You not clarifying that we only see each other in a sibling way, makes me seem like a pervert." Y/N furrows her eyebrows in frustration "Can't I just make him jealous a little bit? I never insinuated that we like each other"

"No. I'm a fucking adult, Y/N. That's petty kid shit and honestly, you're above it too. You told Li-Rin you'd support her so keep your word or go to her and tell her how you are feeling about it." Jungkook shuts down her suggestion firmly but his tone held a caring concern. "Why do you have to be so annoying?" Y/N scoffs. Jungkook's eyebrow raises "Because I'm right?"

"Yes..." Y/N grumbled as she rested her chin on her hand looking away from Jungkook. "Stop avoiding your best friend too. It's stupid and gonna hurt his feelings. You already hurt him and pissed him off. Do you want to do more damage?" Jungkook lectures and Y/N rolls her eyes. "You do know you're not my real brother, right?"

"Really? You harass me like you're my sister though?" Jungkook scoffs as he shrugs "I mean, it's nothing for me to turn the register back on and cash this out"

"Okay, raising the white flag...hurry up so you can bring me home" Y/N raises her hands in surrender as she gestures for him to mop the kitchen. Jungkook rolls his eyes and shakes his head grabbing the mop

"I should've called out..."

One second....All it takes is one second for a calm peaceful day to turn into a storm.

Y/N sat in Jungkook's passenger seat feeling her drowsiness kicking in as he drove onto her street. The radio was playing some random playlist from Jungkook's phone, but Y/N felt herself finally relaxing for the first time in a while. Her mind sat free of worries and stress as she stared out the window. She felt excited as Jungkook pulled into the driveway. "wow you weren't lying..." Jungkook quips as he parked the car. "You really run a share house with your parents?"

"They come to manage it but they live like 10 minutes away in the same town as Hyunjin's parents. I usually decide residents after background checks since I live here and right now it's just me and Hyunjin and one other guy that's like always at work but he cleans up after himself and doesn't bother anyone so"

Jungkook shrugs as he nods "Want another tenant?"

"And live with 3 guys? I'd rather you hit me with your car." Y/N retorts. As the pair hears a knock on the passenger window, Y/N jumps in surprise. She turns to see an upset-looking Hyunjin peering into the car and she opens the door slightly. "Jinnie?" She questions "What's up?"

"Who is he?" Hyunjin asks as he stares directly at Y/N accusingly and she raises her eyebrow in confusion. "I'm Jungkook, we act--Was I talking to you?" Hyunjin cuts him off and Jungkook snorts "We've gotta stop meeting like this Hyunjin." Hyunjin narrows his eyes at Jungkook as he raises his eyebrow at him "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not fighting a child. I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N" Jungkook waves Hyunjin off as he holds out his fist for Y/N, who returns his fist bump and exits the car. Y/N stands there as Jungkook drives off and gives him a wave. Hearing a scoff from behind her she rolls her eyes and turns to her best friend. "Jinnie,--no. I'm pissed right now. like are you dumb or just oblivious?" He cuts her off and Y/N stares at him confused. "Hyunjin, what are you talking about?" A figure sitting on the stairs draws her attention, Li-Rin gives her a guilty smile and waves and Y/N looks back at Hyunjin even more confused. Why was Li-Rin here?

"Why are you spending so much time with that guy?" Hyunjin questions. "Like, can you not see that it's bothering me? How long do I have to sit there and just deal with this shit? What do I have to do to get you to look at me? Be your best friend? Support you in everything? kiss you? Oh wait, I've done every single one of those things, and still! still, I'm not enough for you? What is it going to fucking take, Y/N seriously" His voice growing more and more erratic as he stares at her with desperation on his features. Y/N feels her heart race at his rant, what does this mean?

"J-Jinnie...I didn't realize it was bothering you so much. but I don't know w-where this is coming from..." Y/N trails "You're more than enough for me. I don't understand?" Hyunjin groans in frustration "Can you seriously not tell I like you?" Y/N feels butterflies in her stomach her eyes widen and her cheeks turn a bright scarlet, but just as soon as she feels her excitement, guilt replaces it. Her eyes drift over to Li-Rin and she feels Hyunjin's hands encase her arms "Fuck Li-Rin..I'm talking to you!"

"Wow...Thanks dude" Li-Rin retorts sarcastically.

"You know what I mean!" Hyunjin snaps at her "Why are you still here?"

"Jisungie told me to be nosy" Li-Rin quips as she leans back on her hands. Y/N stares at them puzzled. As Hyunjin turns to her "Go home. It backfired and I'm not in the mood right now." Y/N furrows her eyebrows as her ears perk up. "What backfired?" She questioned as she stared at the pair. "Nothing...Li-Rin just agreed to help me and it didn't work" Hyunjin grits as he scowls at Li-Rin who scoffs "It was a stupid plan. How am I supposed to pretend to have a crush on you when I'm dating your friend?"

"Jisung did fine...." Hyunjin argued.

Y/N feels like a bucket of ice was poured over her head. Li-Rin pretended to have a crush on Hyunjin? To help him? Y/N couldn't help the feeling of betrayal that welled up in her chest. Tears burned in her eyes "Y-You guys made a plan?" She questioned in disbelief, her voice just above a whisper. Hyunjin looks at her with guilt in his eyes "I-It wasn't anything bad I promise you...I just wanted to know if you felt the same way" Y/N ignores him and stares at Li-Rin "Am I a joke to you?" taking a couple of steps so she is directly in front of Li-Rin and Hyunjin grasps Y/N's arm pulling her slightly back "Its not her fault..." Y/N shoves his hand off her as she steps back in front of Li-Rin and nods waiting for Li-Rin to answer.

"Of course, you're not a joke to me..."

"So you're expecting it correct?" Y/N asks and Li-Rin nods. Y/N brings her hand across Li-Rin's cheek harshly. "Y/N?!" Hyunjin exclaims in shock as he pulls her back from Li-Rin, who stands up and waves him off "Don't.....I deserved that" Hyunjin shakes his head "No, this is my fault I'm the one that asked for help" He argues to Y/N. Y/N looks away from him as she rolls her eyes "She's a big girl that can make her own decisions." Li-Rin nods as she pats Hyunjin on the shoulder. "See you tomorrow, Y/N" She waves as she walks down the street.

Hyunjin and Y/N stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity before anyone spoke. "Baby,--oh you thought you were pissed." Y/N cut him off and Hyunjin's body deflats. "You manipulated me..."

Hyunjin's eyes widen in a panic "N-No, it wasn't like that I swear" He stammers as he steps closer to her. His heart sinks as she takes a step back "Y/N..." She sighs at the dejected tone in his voice. "Jinnie, Just-just give me a second okay?" she states as she takes a deep calming breath. "Can I ask why you couldn't just talk to me?"

"You always think I'm joking or drunk or bored.." Hyunjin pouts. "How could I ask if you liked me like that? You always said I'm your best friend so I never thought you'd look at me like that" Y/N sighs as she rubs her hand over her face. "We're dumbasses....just straight-up fools I swear" She mutters, and Hyunjin raises his eyebrow in confusion "Huh?" "Nothing, we just both are stupid people who forget the other is our soulmate. Jinnie, of course, I like you that way, how could I not? You're literally everything I would want in a guy" She confesses as she goes to walk inside to bring the conversation out of the cold before it dawns on her "Hold on," She points as she turns back to Hyunjin with a quizzical look "You said I always think you're drunk or joking" a panicked expression flashes across Hyunjin's face.

"You were drunk that night right?"

"I--Well, you see what had happened was..." Hyunjin trails and Y/N's mouth hangs open as she closes the front door. "Nope, you stay in the cold until the conversation is over now. Hwang Hyunjin, I swear to god if you made me basically carry you home and you were almost completely sober I'm telling you now that I will disown you" Hyunjin shakes his head "Was tipsy at best I promise" He puts his hands up in surrender. "Wasn't as drunk as I made it seem 'cause I wanted to kiss you and you always let me when I'm drunk" Hyunjin explains cautiously. Y/N rolls her eyes at him "So you're manipulative? You realize that's a giant red flag right?"

Hyunjin nods "I'll be color blind if you do..."

"You already know, basically born that way" Y/N jokes with a shrug and Hyunjin rolls his eyes at her as he wraps his arms around her waist. "So, we are like, dating now right?" Hyunjin asks as he rests his chin on her shoulder. Y/N shrugs as she doesn't respond pretending to contemplate her answer. "Babyy~" Hyunjin whines as he begins placing soft pecks along her neck. "Don't torture me" Y/N shakes her head and turns around wrapping her arms around his neck "So don't ask a stupid question" She retorts as she scrunches her nose at him.

Hyunjin gives her a small chuckle before pressing his lips to hers engulfing her in a passionate kiss. Their lips danced together before Y/N pulled away "I knew you'd be a better kisser sober..." She joked

"Shut up...."

taglist: @yangbbokari @lovesunshinefelix @tr-mha-fan @threeopossumsinacoat

[owlobservation]

Itoshi Rin Profile from Egoist Bible (2022)

"To me, soccer is a battle to death."

Bluelock Ranking: 1 (at the beginning of second selection)

Weapons: Kicking accuracy, technique, tactical vision, physical ability.

Birthdate: September, 9th.

Age: 16 (First year high school)

Zodiac sign: Virgo.

Birthplace: Kanagawa Prefecture (Kamakura City)

Family structure: Father, mother, older brother, himself.

Height: 186 cm.

Foot size: 27.5 cm.

Blood type: A.

Dominant foot: Right.

Favorite soccer player: David Beckham. "I respect his kicks."

Age started playing soccer: For as long as I can remember. "I grew up watching my big brother play."

Motto: "The field is a battlefield", "Tepid" (habit)

Strengths: I can play soccer. "Anything else doesn't matter."

Weaknesses: Unfriendly. "If you don't like it then don't bother me."

Favorite food: Ochazuke. "Especially sea bream chazuke."

Disliked food: Vinegared dish. "I don't like sour things."

Best rice accompaniment: Tuna. "Soy sauce and wasabi combo is the winner. No objection."

Hobby: Getting the chills from horror games and horror movies.

Favorite season: Autumn. "I like it when it's a bit chilly."

Favorite music: King Gnu in general. "Especially Prayer X."

Favorite movie: Horror movie in general. "Especially The Shining."

Favorite manga: Dragon Head and Ciguatera.

Character color: Turquoise Blue.

Favorite animal: Owl. "I'm fascinated by them. I think it's the eyes."

Best subjects: Physical Education, Art.

Weak subjects: Calligraphy. "I hate having to write exactly as I'm taught."

What makes you happy: I don't know.

What makes you sad?: When someone is better at soccer than me. "So far it's only my big brother."

Last year's valentine day chocolates: I don't remember because I rejected and returned all of them.

Sleep time: 7,5 hours.

Where do you wash first in the bath?: The eyes with warm water

What do you like to buy at the convenient store?: Eye masks that warm the eyes.

Mushroom or Bamboo Shoots: Mushroom.

What made you cry recently?: I don't cry.

At what age did you stop receiving presents from Santa?: 8 years old. "When my big brother stopped getting them I followed him and stopped getting them too... Truthfully, I still wanted them."

What did you ask for a Christmas present from Santa?: The same cleats as my big brother.

What would you do on your last day on earth?: Fight my big brother.

What would you do if you received 100 million yen?: Place a bet on a single number in Roulette*.

What do you do on your days off?: Immerse myself in horror games or horror movies.

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An extraordinary player who boasts the top skills in Blue Lock

The monster reigning at the top of the new Blue Lock Ranking. Not only are his kicking, dribbling technique, and physical abilities outstanding, he's also able to read opponents' plays several moves ahead and manipulate them at will, making him the true ruler of the field. He's an extraordinary player with no flaws.

Is there a connection between his overbearing attitude and his brother?!

Rin is the younger brother of Itoshi Sae, who is selected as one of the "New Generation World 11". His goal is using "Blue Lock" to join Japanese National Team and surpass his older brother. His disrespectful attitude of dismissing Isagi and other players' play as "a tepid ball-kicking game**" seems to be deeply connected to his brother. When he finally surpasses his brother, will Rin's troubled mind*** be cleared?

A day at Blue Lock

"My bangs were falling over my right eye and it was starting to get annoying. I decided to cut my bangs and lifted it in front of the mirror. My face looked like my brother's, and I hated everything about it."

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Rin's Ranking on "Best 3 of Everything: Blue Lock players voted each other"

1. Ranked #3 The Most Hardworking

2. Ranked #3 The Most Short-Tempered

3. Ranked #1 Worst at Communication

Rin's commentary: "...I have no intention of having tepid communication with you people"

4. Ranked #2 The Best at Study****

5. Ranked #1 "Doesn't have many friends"

Rin's commentary: "...Friends? It's just a low-level community for sharing tepid experiences."

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Notes:

*In Roulette, betting on a single number is called a "straight up bet". It's the riskiest bet, but if you win the 35:1 payout will be very rewarding. (Highest-risk, Highest-reward).

**"A tepid ball-kicking game" is a reference to ch. 46. Official English publication translated it as "Mediocre playtime."

***The word in Japanese is 荒んだ心 "susanda kokoro" (lit.rough heart or hardened heart). It's an expression usually used to describe someone with prickly (rough) attitude because their mind is messed up or disturbed by something. For this context I'm using "troubled mind."

****The title/ranking is "Who Can Study Well". Basically, Rin is the #2 person who is very good at studying (benkyou 勉強).

On his profile, Rin referred to Sae as "兄ちゃん niichan". All the "big brother" mentioned by Rin here are originally "niichan" in Japanese.

Check Rin's updated profile from the second volume of Egoist Bible for more!

[riririnnnn]

What are your favorite bllk theories??

I really, really like the theory of Kaiser being the one who destroyed Sae's dreams—it sounds very plausible and also very Blue Lock-esque.

Sae was around like 13 when he left for Spain to play in Re Al, and even though he was considered a prodigy in Japan, he definitely faced problems in this new team—the second part of this statement isn't exactly explicitly canonically stated, but it has been hinted off many times. Like, the foreign soccer players are just portrayed as someone who is one level higher than the Japanese soccer players.

BUT!

Sae doesn't seem like someone who'd just cower down—even as a kid—in front of problems. He surely fought and worked hard, and it seems like his hardwork did pay off. However, when your results aren't as par your expectations or wishes, you, obviously, become unsatisfied and this dissatisfaction builds up over time and turns to frustration which starts to gnaw you from the inside.

And THAT'S when I think Kaiser entered to hit the final nail in the coffin.

You see, there is about, at least, half a year time difference between Itoshi brothers reunion and the interview of Sae we saw in his first appearance (Chapter 4). And when he was first introduced, he already had Midfielder written underneath his name:

However, during the Itoshi brothers reunion, the younger Itoshi was very much surprised to hear that Sae is changing his dream:

I mean, Rin kept tabs on Sae—he read news and articles, so he would definitely be the one, if not the first, to know if the older Itoshi decided to change dreams, but he didn't know! Which further solidifies my belief that it hadn't been that long since Sae lost his dream when he came back to Japan for the first time.

Like, why did Sae even return to Japan for the first time after going to Spain? We were given a proper reason when he returned for the second time—passport renewal—so why weren't we given a reason for the first time itself?

Moreover, 4 years are an AMPLE amount of time for Sae and Kaiser to bump into eachother—they are in the same sports and are of the same age group, they are bound to meet! And we can't forget that Kaiser used to like destroying people!

Also, Sae recognised Isagi, right? But remember what Isagi said about Kaiser during the early days of NEL?

Yeah:

You getting my point?

In conclusion:

Sae and Kaiser played against (or maybe with) eachother during those 4 years -> Kaiser ended up ending Sae's dream -> Sae briefly goes back to Japan

It sounds very plausible!

I also have a personal liking to this theory because I really like Kaiser's character, so I want to see more of him—outside Ness and Isagi.

But kinda sad to think that Sae lost his dream and the first thing he thought of was (going back to) Rin.

[1800naveen]

My appreciation.

September 2023, I started the "a court of thorns and roses" series. Booktok got me hyped to read it so when I did, I really enjoyed it. (I fell victim to liking Rhysand and the inner circle, forgive me)

Feyre, Tamlin, and Lucien were my favorite characters. Their dynamic, how their relationship grew, I loved it all. (I was also a hater of Nesta but I changed now, my mind opened.)

I also saw spoilers on Tik Tok about acomaf and Rhysand which put me into a slump and I didn't continue reading the series again until April 2024. Yeah, it was that bad.

Finding out that people hated Tamlin for his later actions got me bummed because I really liked him at the time. I got spoiled for the rest of the series but I don't really care for spoilers that much.

During my slump, I made an account on Tumblr. I mostly liked posts but I would comment at times. I was afraid of making a post because I was just nervous.

I still had love for Tamlin so I avoided the Acotar side of Tumblr for a while. Because what if someone came after for my thoughts or opinions? That scared me. I felt somewhat alone when it came to not hating Tamlin or seeing him as a "villain" (he's more morally grey). I also still didn't like Rhysand because of the whole under the mountain thing which weirded me out.

Then one faithful day, I was looking through the Bryce Quinlan tag after finding out about her when I saw this post (it was about the crossover) and it was the first anti Rhysand post I liked.

And I clicked on the anti Rhysand tag and my third eye opened. When it came to booktok, I thought that hating this man was some sort of taboo.

These guys showed his wrongdoings, went on analysis, how he was toxic, how he treated certain characters, etc. Thanks to them, I was right to feel what I felt about him. He fucking sucks.

I then went on the pro Tamlin tag and I had finally found my people. Ones that shared the same thoughts as I did when it came to Tamlin and it gave me inspiration to make my first post on here.

(And the rest was history...) *cue the clapping*

Nah but seriously, I want to give my appreciation to the Tamlin, Nesta, Lucien, and Eris fans, the anti Rhysand people, the inner circle haters, and the people who just hate this series in general. I'm grateful for finding a community where I fit right in and where I won't get burned at the stake for my opinion (most of the time). I actually made friends on here which is great because I usually suck at making friends (Me and Tamlin twinning, can't make friends for shit) so this is great.

TIME FOR THE TAGS!!!

Giving my appreciation to the people who inspired me to become the blog that I am today: @szalonykasztan00, @copypastus (love your art❤), @shi-daisy, @arson-09, @thrumbolt, @achaotichuman, and @feyres-divorce-lawyer (so glad that I found you on tik tok first, a fellow Rhysand hater).

My mutuals where we are united by both love and hate: @sonics-atelier (thanks for making those analysis posts), @wingsdippedingold, @rin-u-pos, @positivelyruined (bless you for the Luke Eisner fancast🙏🏾), @nickel156, @viktoriaashleyyx, @thatapologisttoyourantis.

And those who I first found out on tik tok and then found them again on Tumblr (some are mutuals, some aren't and the first two I found out there asoiaf tik toks): @watcherintheweyr, @kataraavatara, @booksnwriting.

Yuh, that's about it. Just wanted to make something nice and sweet. Thanks to my 107 followers that I got for mostly being a hater or from other stuff that I post.

Me to all of you (This feels corny but I was born on the cob🌽):

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(Here's the posts I was talking about.)

[kafkaoftherubble]

时鞭自我弊不轻，永宽他人宜为重

//The Intrigue Of Tokinaga Sachiyuki

In the first essay, I speculated about Ahu’az, Furuya Rin (a.k.a. Yako), and Chapter 58.

This one, meanwhile, is a character analysis of Tokinaga. It is the second of my After God essay series. Beware; it's a long read.

You don’t always get one of your favorite characters gone through my Lyndisian treatment, @orange-peel-candy, so I hope this has been a good way for you to pass the time.

Oh, you’re curious about what the Chinese title says?

“Always punishing himself for his profound sins; always forgiving others and prioritizing their virtues.”

It’s my crappy attempt at making a 对联, “duilian poetry.”

There are rules in making one. The same number of characters are used in both lines to form a couplet. There have to be counterpoints in tonal pattern between two lines, such that if they “counter” each other. Words from both lines have to be within the same category, and the meaning of the first line must correspond to the second line's meaning.

I did break one rule though: the first line’s last character has to be of an “oblique” tone while the second line’s last character has to be of a “leveled” tone. In my duilian title, the opposite is true.

There’s also just how lacking in beauty my poetry is. Not much can be done about my genuine absence of literary competency, I’m afraid!

Yes. You might also have noticed it. The first character of both lines makes up the word “时永/ 時永,” which is... “Tokinaga.”

---------------------------------------

Super Good Guy; Very Moral

The first time I read this manga, the one thing that stood out a lot to me, especially against the backdrop of After God’s society and every other character in this series—is how unambiguously moral Tokinaga is.

This is how Nayuu described the Bio-Tech department:

Chapter 4

Not even a minute passed and we got this scene:

Chapter 4

Tokinaga stood out a lot because he was the only one who opposed the unethical treatment of  “a child,” even though such a thing was standard of his colleagues. These people were known for being unscrupulous, yet Tokinaga was calling people out like he was a YouTuber dropping some bombs about his fellow creators.

There are many, many moments like these. In a world full of characters with grey morality, he stood out like a sore thumb just on the virtue of his unyielding, monkish self-discipline.

Chapter 4. Dude was seriously against this when no one else commented on it.

Chapter 9

One might, because of this, pass him over as uninteresting (at least, before the reveal of who he is). He’s straight-laced! He’s nice! He’s the good guy. He will do what’s ethically right; there’s no ambivalence. And yet, I’ve always found his strange fixation with ethics fascinating.

Yes, there’s a personal angle to this—a very close acquaintance (to my chagrin) is incredibly interested in ethics and often ponders about them, even if that situation or thought experiment is pragmatically insignificant. Another dear friend of mine also adheres to ethical principles with the same level of monkish discipline. In both cases, there are deeper reasons for their fixations.

Even before the reveal of Tokinaga’s other identity, this quality of him was already grounds for curiosity. With the benefit of hindsight, I’ll even argue that the mangaka has been teasing us about the full scope of his character with little psychological breadcrumbs.

There is a startling lack of flexibility in Tokinaga’s frame of ethics.

Tokinaga seemed dangerously close to holding a black-and-white morality. But there’s more to it.  

He’s perfectly capable of allocating leeway to most people whose ethics and morals are less than exemplary. After all, the department he cooperates with—due to Waka—is deadass staffed with moral-is-optional weirdos. Their amorality doesn’t make him see them as less, though. He values every single one of them—their safety sent him into a self-sacrificial panic, while their lost lives crushed him straight into depression.

It seems to me that, in Tokinaga’s mind, the only person who should adhere to this black-and-white morality is himself. He needs to be. He has to be.

-----

“Apologize! Apologize! Apologize!”

Chapter 33 is one of my favorite chapters in the manga so far. It’s raw as fuck and a great character study—and it features a very intriguing facet of Tokinaga’s psychology.

Now, dude had just experienced a heart-wrenching betrayal from a dear friend. Losing control of his emotions was only expected of anyone. But he had a very peculiar fixation. Despite the weight of Orokapi’s crimes (including the many people he had murdered as the Snake God), Tokinaga was hyper-focus on only two things: the injustice Orokapi had done to him—and the act of apology.

Previously, he spelled out why he didn’t believe Orokapi could apologize: “You can’t apologize, feel remorse, have a change of heart, or comprehend sadness.” And yet, subsequently, “apologize to me” was what he fixated on. He discarded the commands from his superior and colleague and went berserk in his personal demand for that apology:

Why is an apology somehow enough to forgive the things Orokapi has done? Lives were lost. Damages were done. Orokapi, as Tokinaga’s mentor had said, doesn’t live by human ethics and acts like an animal. And even Tokinaga himself had called Orokapi’s capacity for remorse into question.

So why the fixation with apology? Because, I’d argue, to Tokinaga, it’s the “right” ritual to do. Tokinaga’s stringent, black-and-white ethics demand a ritual.

It demands something that needs to be performed after crossing ethical wrongs, even if it no longer makes sense. Here, an apology is a ritual of absolution, even if it’s technically useless after all that had happened.

Tokinaga clings to it. Why?

Could it be because it’s a ritual Tokinaga himself undertakes?

As you continue the chapter, you might notice—with the benefit of hindsight—that the things Tokinaga was screaming almost sounded like things he would say to himself.

At some point, it could seem like he was projecting himself onto Orokapi—who, by being such a dear friend to him, who learned to be an ethical human from him—was like an extension of himself.

“Don’t run away, dumbass.” “Doesn’t it suck being scolded right now?” “Who would want to be friends with someone like that?”

—all of these could apply to Orokapi, but they can also be applied to Tokinaga himself. For example, Allula called him out on one specific accusation Tokinaga leveled at Orokapi: running away.

Chapter 55

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Quite the Literal Hate Boner

We later know one(there are plenty) of the biggest reasons Tokinaga hates himself: he gets aroused and hard from nothing but violence and hate. The more vile and violent, the harder his hormones run. And all this happens contrary to what his higher-ordered thinking believes and thinks.

Chapter 54

Side note: remember how Tokinaga shouted at Orokapi with “Doesn’t it suck being scolded right now?”  Yet, here, he was admitting to his body getting hard from being insulted. The one that felt pained when being scolded was his mind. The part of Tokinaga he believes is him, “the ethical, pure one.” The one he’s constantly reinforcing and tormenting, over and over, as his fitful penance.

Now, contrary to what Tokinaga believed, this isn’t as black-and-white as his thought process made it out to be. You can also just accept that this is who you are, and mitigate what you don’t like reasonably. You’re living in a crappy nigh-post-apocalyptic society with a bunch of amoral people who regularly skirt the edge of ethics, goddamn it. You’re hardly the only one with questionable morality.

In fact, it’s fine. You never act out on these desires. You don’t harbor the thought of wanting to kickstart a violent rampage to pleasure yourself. Tokinaga’s (literal) hate boner can even be safely relegated to the realm of kinks. There are plenty of doms who will happily take him as their cute puppy-dog sub.

But Tokinaga cannot accept it. He is determined to maintain his sense of purity. Even in the face of his sexual desire. Or the decisions he had made using his time-loop powers to ensure his “perfect death.”

He wants to believe he is “clean.” And that he can keep himself that way.

If you were a certain kind of person with a similar thought process as Tokinaga, you might go to punishing lengths to hold onto this quixotic sense of purity, while simultaneously tormented by the anxiety of it slipping away from you.

You might, perhaps, cling to every ritual of purification you can to scrub yourself clean of this constant onslaught of contamination. Apology is one of them. Eviscerating yourself and other forms of mental flagellation is another.

He even mentioned the latter. He described how much his heart ached and trembled at the sight of brutality while his body went ahead and got excited. And then, hinting at punishment, he admitted to torturing his mind with intense mental castigation every night.

Chapter 54

This matches the experience of my aforementioned friend and acquaintance—who, last I checked, are not godkillers who can turn back time (aww man).

Nonetheless, they suffer from a specific mental disorder that I find to be an interesting comparison to Tokinaga’s psychology.

---

Tokinaga Sachiyuki:  An Allegory of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Chapter 50

Hey! If you’re like my acquaintance, who freezes up at OCD mentions sometimes, take care when reading this part!

Now, I’m not too terribly interested in headcanons. The mangaka has made no such proclamation, either, and so my personal principles come into play. I won’t claim he definitely has OCD.

What I would like to put forward, though, is that Tokinaga’s psychology mirrors much of a person suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. What he has isn’t an exact match to the real-world experience because, again, he’s a fictional character who can loop time and might be a dragon (oops, did I just drop a teaser for my next essay? Hmmmmmm).

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“This isn’t what I want! This isn’t who I am!”

What separates OCD and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is that thoughts and compulsions in the former are egodystonic, while the latter is egosyntonic [1][2].

Egosyntonic: thoughts, behaviors, and feelings that are perceived by the self to be in harmony with their self-image, as well as their goals and needs. “There is nothing maladjusted with my behavior; this is  who I ‘really’ am.”

Egodystonic: thoughts, behaviors, desires, compulsions etc. that go against one’s perception of their self-image, “who they are,” and are dissonant to the needs and the goals of the ego. “There is something seriously fucked-up with my thoughts/behaviors.”

Chapter 55

Tokinaga exhibits egodystonic agony in droves. His sexual desire insults the self-image he holds about himself—the “Tokinaga” who’s disgusted by carnage, unforgivingly repulsed by brutality, as well as terrified of the frequency of such violence occurring in life. He hated all of it with his soul, and yet his penis is getting so fucking hard by seeing it.

---

Intrusive Thoughts and The Behaviors/Rituals To Fight Them

His sexual desire, as well as any thoughts of him being possibly unethical or immoral, are his version of intrusive thoughts. They aren’t just “negative thoughts” he can swat away without them corroding his sense of self. They are his obsessions[3][4]. He had managed to keep them at bay for the first bulk of the story—unless, of course, you notice his compulsive adherence to ethics and his overall behavior from Chapter 30 onward. The façade cracked as the story progressed to Orokapi’s betrayal; it dealt a blow to his mental stability. In Chapter 55, Allula even wonders if Tokinaga is suffering from a mental decline.

All of these distressing obsessions compelled Tokinaga to follow a very stringent set of ethics—which he mostly applies only to himself. To me, his rigid ritual of an apology is as good an allegorical insight as any. His nightly mental castigation, where he fervently visualizes himself dying with all the sins of the world on his shoulder, is an even wider window to such a psyche.

What sets him as a great allegory of OCD while distinguishing himself from OCPD is that he’s not doing this because he believes he’s a good, sinless person.

He’s doing it because he believes he’s the worst.

So shitty, in fact, that he thinks being killed by Allula—whose abuses would put him through the most excruciating, pleasureless pain while his body experiences blissful, painless pleasure—is the only fitting end he deserves and therefore works toward that goal. Before he gets there, though, he’d have to endure his many intrusive obsessions... and hopefully, along the way, eradicate the embodiments of violence the masses had called “gods.”

-----

Conclusion

Chapter 20. This expression tells you a lot about what Orokapi genuinely sees in his friend. One of my favorite faces yet.

Again, lemme reiterate: there is no canonical word on Tokinaga being a sufferer of OCD. I mean, if he were to perform compulsive behaviors, such as skin-peeling or hair-pulling, it might become more canonically implicative.

What I’m going off from here is his actions and psyche so far, as well as the empirical recognition—by my friend and acquaintance—of his experience. To me, OCD has become a fascinating and fitting framework for understanding some of the complexities of this character.

It speaks to the strength of After God’s character writing when Tokinaga turns out to be a great allegorical presentation for OCD in media.

Side note: I’m personally a big fan of writing about atypical experiences in an organic, humanizing way however possible, because it helps readers understand the experience without too much focus on “therapy speaks” and the rules in the DSM-V. Yes, I say this as someone who studies cognitive science, is familiar with that manual, and advocates more rigor and replicability in the fields of psychology.

In case the length of this essay did not show it clearly enough: I adore Tokinaga. As of now, I sincerely believe him when he says he’s genuinely a good person... because, as I witnessed from my friend, it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to get this tormented in the first place. More importantly, Tokinaga may have clung to a stringent sense of morality out of compulsion, but it still makes him a good person in action.

If you feel similarly to him—OCD or not—remember that one’s mind could often distort one’s vice into virtue, and virtue into vice.

Maybe you’re moral because you’re compelled to do so to battle your intrusive thoughts, and so it feels less “authentic" than being "genuinely moral."

But I disagree. As is the spirit of Buddhist Philosophy (which I personally adhere to; also lowkey study), I think you’re already pragmatically good, and through those actions, you already position yourself in an advantageous spot for moral progress. And that will always be a cause for optimism.

Thank you for reading my ramble—despite the length! I hope you've enjoyed it.

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Citations:

“Egosyntonic and egodystonic” In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egosyntonic_and_egodystonic

“Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_personality_disorder

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder” In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder

“Intrusive thought.” In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought