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witchyintention · 1 month ago

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The Four Models of Magic: Finding Your Magical Operating System

Understanding the frameworks behind how spells work (and why they might not)

Magic, for all its candles and cauldrons, has a backbone. Not just a spiritual one, but a conceptual one—an architecture of meaning that shapes how we understand the strange, numinous art we call spellwork. Behind every enchantment, every prayer, every charm whispered in the dark, there is an operating system. A model. A lens.

And like all lenses, what you look through changes what you see.

Welcome to the Four Models of Magic: the Energy Model, the Spirit Model, the Psychological Model, and the Informational Model. Think of these not as competing theories, but as overlapping frameworks—each a valid way of describing the mechanics of magic, each useful depending on what you're trying to do.

Let’s walk through each one, not just as definitions, but as lived realities. Because if you’re reading this, you’re likely already using one or more of these models in your practice—even if you didn’t know they had names.

🌿 The Energy Model: Magic as Force and Flow

This is the most widely known and intuitive model, especially in New Age, modern witchcraft, and metaphysical communities. It sees magic as an act of manipulating unseen energies that exist within and around all things.

Core Idea: Everything is made of energy. Magic works by channeling, raising, directing, or aligning that energy.

If you’ve ever raised a cone of power, charged a crystal under the moon, or visualized light flowing through your body, you’ve worked with the energy model.

Practices Often Aligned With This Model:

Energy healing (Reiki, chakra work)

Crystal magic

Elemental and planetary correspondences

Visualization and meditation

Auras and energetic shielding

Strengths:

Tangible and experiential — you can feel the shift

Supports embodiment and intuition

Aligns with many indigenous and holistic spiritual systems

Limitations:

Hard to measure or explain in scientific terms

Can be vague if not grounded in structure

🕯️ The Spirit Model: Magic as Relationship and Reverence

The spirit model holds that magic works because of our relationships with conscious beings — deities, ancestors, spirits of place, angels, demons, fae, and more.

Core Idea: Magic happens through petition, alliance, or partnership with spirits who aid, carry, or enforce our will.

This is the traditional model behind most historical magic — from ancient Greek theurgy to folk Catholicism to Hoodoo and shamanic practice.

Practices Often Aligned With This Model:

Deity work and devotional rituals

Ancestral veneration

Spirit communication and mediumship

Offerings and pact-based magic

Necromancy and animism

Strengths:

Deepens connection and context for spiritual work

Rich in lore, tradition, and mythic symbolism

Creates ongoing relationships with spiritual allies

Limitations:

Requires trust, discernment, and spiritual hygiene

Can be misused or misunderstood as outsourcing power

🧠 The Psychological Model: Magic as Mind and Meaning

This model focuses on the role of belief, intention, and subconscious symbolism in magical practice. Magic isn’t about external forces — it’s about internal transformation.

Core Idea: Magic works because we engage the subconscious mind, shift our perceptions, and rewire patterns through ritual and symbol.

You might think of it like Jungian psychology meets ceremonial spellwork.

Practices Often Aligned With This Model:

Shadow work and inner child healing

Sigils and chaos magic

Archetype-based spellcraft

Affirmations and self-hypnosis

Pathworking and dreamwork

Strengths:

Evidence-supported through modern psychology

Empowers the practitioner as the source of power

Useful for trauma-informed and self-reflective work

Limitations:

Can feel reductive or overly rational

May dismiss spiritual or mystical experiences

📚 The Informational Model: Magic as Code and Communication

This is the least known but most futuristic model — often overlapping with chaos magic, occult theory, and digital witchcraft. It frames magic as the manipulation of information — the underlying data or blueprint of reality.

Core Idea: The universe is like a computer, and magic is a language or program that rewrites the code.

In this model, correspondences, symbols, names, and rituals act like syntax in a programming language. You're altering reality by inputting new commands.

Practices Often Aligned With This Model:

Sigil and servitor creation

Cyber witchcraft and technomagic

Quantum magic theory

Data-driven divination (e.g. numerology, astrology)

Magical linguistics and occult semiotics

Strengths:

Highly adaptable, especially in digital and modern contexts

Offers a bridge between magic and science

Appeals to analytical or tech-minded witches

Limitations:

Can feel abstract or depersonalized

May neglect emotional or spiritual depth

🌒 Why These Models Matter

Understanding these four models helps you:

Clarify your magical worldview

Troubleshoot your spellwork (did it fail because of energy, belief, or spiritual dynamics?)

Choose tools and techniques that resonate with your path

Communicate your practice with nuance and precision

You don’t have to pick just one. In fact, most eclectic witches move fluidly between them. You might charge a candle with energy (Energy Model), dress it with oil and speak to a deity (Spirit Model), encode your intention with a sigil (Psychological Model), and time the ritual based on astrological patterns (Informational Model).

Each model is a map — and you’re the one doing the traveling.

So ask yourself: Which one feels like home? Which one challenges you? Which one might unlock a part of your magic you haven’t met yet?

Your magic, like you, contains multitudes. And that’s the beauty of it.

Blessed be the energy. Blessed be the spirit. Blessed be the mind. Blessed be the code.

— Reine

#witch community #witches #witchythings #witchcraft 101 #witchcraft info #witchcraft blog #witchcraft #real witchcraft #witchblr

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ark-inkweaving · 4 months ago

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Character File R008: Reyenn

"I don't think I was ever meant to have a chance. But if I had it, I think I'd like to spend it like this"

Basics

Legal Name ✵ Rijanikta [Tzazalqe]

Age ✵ 25

Pronouns ✵ he/him

Orientation ✵ omnisexual

Skin ✵ Dark

Build ✵ Lithe

Height ✵ 1.89 m / 6' 2''

Eye Color ✵ [] [Magenta] Reddish-Brown

Hair ✵ [] [Bright Lavender Fade] Light Blonde, Wavy, Roughly cut Above Shoulder

Occupation ✵ Personal Assistant | Alcove Administration | Undercover Rebel

Notable Features ✵ [White Curled Horns above Ears, Velifean Marks] [White Curved Horns from Forehead, Rune Tattoos] None

Work Specific

Species ✵ Deri-Shirevi (Livi Ancestry)

Elemental Resonance ✵ Crystal

Citzenship ✵ Izerko, Reiki

Base Location ✵ Adenireziet

Alias ✵ Vidre {Helper}

Allegiance ✵ N/A

Personality

Reyenn seems to exist in a permanently tired state, no matter which mask he dons or which role he fills. He's known as being helpful and resourceful among all his identities, able to fix or plan for most problems that are brought to him. However, this helpfulness goes to the point of self-sacrifice, and it is not unusual for the people closest to him to call him a stubborn reckless idiot

Likes ✵ runology, languages, ancient magic, history, whittling, the quiet, the dark

Dislikes ✵ his job, powerhungry people, bureaucracy, fake politeness, blood

Speaking Style ✵ prefers to listen, but very attention-grabbing when he speaks. politely inquisitive but can break out a commanding voice during crisis moments. doesn't swear as Rijanikta, very much swears as Vidre, but never around kids. uses nicknames a lot, as well as petnames on occasion, usually as a persuasion tactic

Clothing Style ✵ varies greatly between the three identities he assumes. as Rijanikta, wears lighter outfits both in fabric and color, often airy too. as Vidre, covers up as much skin as possible and goes for darker neutral tones and sturdy fabrics. in his little personal time, softer and larger outer layers, while the inner layers are formfitting. doesn't wear jewelry unless he has too, the only exception being the necklace that holds his glamour

[backstory and taglist under the cut] [TW: Murder (mentioned), Domestic Abuse (including SA), Extremely Toxic Relationship]

Backstory

Reyenn remembers very little of his earlier years, and they are all hazy memories of his parents and older sister before something happened and he had to run. he was maybe five or six when he arrived in Adenireziet, nothing more than a scrappy street girl, and got trapped there. and as any scrappy street kid, he got in trouble. instead of punishing him however, the then-governor decided to pay him (a miserable pay) to take care of dirty jobs and some minor sneaking and spying

Reyenn entered himself into the graces of the governor's family under the identity of Rijanikta, position from which he could see the disregard for the city that the governing family had. he began to gather information to help the city, establishing the identity of Vidre while playing along as Rijanikta, until eventually he was trusted alone in their library or with either of the governor's children. however, when alone with Reyenn the governor's son — Drarnomok — often just brought him along out of the city to go watch arena fights. Reyenn made friends with the arena fighters, among which there was Nievleiv, and often offered to heal and help them. as he did so, he began to notice Drarnomok starting to turn violent and paranoid. upon sharing with Nievleiv his plan to stick close to Drarnomok's side to figure out what was happening, the two had a huge argument that devolved into a fight. soon after, the arena was caught and shut down Reyenn stuck to his plan and inserted himself into Drarnomok's close circle, still as Rijanikta, and Drarnomok fell for it hook, line and sinker. as he became more and more paranoid, his certainty in Rijanikta's support turned into obsesession. when Rijanikta stood by him after he killed his father, that obsession turned physical. Rijanikta got fully trapped, living with Drarnomok and his violent outbursts, leering and coercing. it became rapidly necessary for Reyenn to hide and separate as much as possible the identity of Vidre, who was becoming more and more well known in the city and attracting Drarnomok's ire. even stuck juggling two extra identities, he makes use of both to find a way to bring down the current government while working within the system

❊

✵ Revolve Taglist ✵ @corinneglass @aalinaaaaaa

#ark originals #ark character files #ark revolve #revolve rotbw #revolve character files #revolve reyenn #writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #character intro

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auraluxe888 · 2 months ago

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meadow-selfship · 2 years ago

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Hans Gruber x Minoes (s/i): Temperance

This is a prompt fill for Self-indulgent September, for the prompt 'Magic' :)). I wanted to pair it with the least magical f/o, so here it is for Hans <3. The tarot deck used is the Thoth deck by Aleister Crowley - but not that his version of the card Temperance is named Art. I kept it as Temperance to tie in with the theme of this fic.

Title: Temperance

Summary: Hans searches out the daughter of an old associate of his, and finds her reading tarot cards at a festival. Out of place as he may be at a spiritual festival, he has a good time getting to know her. She reads his cards before he reveals that the game they are playing is all his.

Warnings: gun. deception. kidnapping. sfw.

Wordcount: 2882

Divider by saradika

Incense smoke hung heavy in the air. Hans looked around at the many small booths at the festival grounds, observant as a predator on the hunt. Who would be his mouse? Soft flute music mixed with the chatter. He stuck out like a sore thumb between the colourful hippies and the casually dressed, but there were some other men like him around. Rich men with heavy golden watches around their wrists. Most of them accompanied younger women with crystal necklaces and a tattoo of their zodiac sign on their bicep. It was an interesting change of pace from the urban locations he usually scoped out.

The booths with jewellery alternated ones with posters of wolves and foxes, or essential oils, or hand sewn velvet drawstring bags for crystals; then a woman who gave belly dancing workshops; a man who advertised his mediumship and promised to get you in touch with your ancestors; another who did reiki massage and crystal healing. So on and so forth. Hans didn't care, but he did care about the exact paths of entry into the grounds, where he parked his car, what he will say once he’s found his prey.

He cringed as he felt a headache form from the conflicting incense smells, but reminded himself of his purpose here. His lip quirked up as he imagined the fruits of his schemes, all coming together. There, he saw the booth, just up ahead. It was a tent of sorts, not that it looked very sturdy, with draping fabrics in deep jewel tones like the wings of beetles. A sign outside read 'tarot readings', and a list of prices underneath. Two people stood outside it, talking softly but animatedly, holding hands tightly. Maybe they just came out, and now had a lot to process. It was too dark to see inside, past the beaded curtain that shimmered like rain droplets on a window.

He entered, the beaded curtain tinkling behind him. Letting his eyes adjust to the dark, first there were only more fabrics, more gleaming beads, crystals, fringed tablecloths... He almost scoffed at the garish decorations. Then he saw her. His mouse. A smile appeared on his face, and he stepped closer with an air of ease. The air of a panther.

She sat at a small table, with several different velvets draped over it. Sitting on a comfortable arm chair, she had her legs crossed in a relaxed posture. He has entered her space, her bubble. In contrast to all of the overly maximalist fabrics, patterns, beads, decorations, mirrors, crystals and colours - she dressed only in black. A waterfall of black wavy hair fell down over her shoulders, half of it pinned up behind her head, long enough that he couldn't tell where it ended, hidden by the table cloth. He didn't recognise much of her father in her, but then again; her father didn't wear kajal nor lipstick.

"Hello, miss..."

"Welcome," she said, and he got the sense that she waited for him to take it all in, waited until he noticed her, to greet him. That she sat there, observing him as he looked around. Despite his less than kind purpose in coming here, it unsettled him for a second. He had to remind himself that he likely wasn't the first sceptic she met.

"It's Minoes, or miss Van der Linden, as the sign says. Come, sit," she said, softly, gesturing to the chair opposite of her. He loved this part of the hunt; seeing her in her element, unsuspecting, so at ease with a man like him.

He sat down on the chair. It wobbled a little on the uneven grass, even though the ground was covered by a Persian tapestry. She smelled of patchouli, and it was refreshing to smell something else than incense. He took her in more closely. The details that her passport photo didn't reveal; soft hairs by her temples, the playful glisten in her eyes, how she was older than in the pictures he saw of her, yet she felt livelier, the roundness of her cheeks, that her double chin showed when she looked down at her deck of cards. The rings she wore, silver with garnet stones (cheap, but the colour suited her), and how they pulled his attention to her hands and the long nails that tapped against the cards’ surface.

"I like your suit," she said, checking him out unashamedly.

"Thank you," he said, trying another smile. She reached for her cards with an ease of someone having done this so many times before. Perhaps it was the atmosphere, or the copious amounts of smoke, that got to his head, but the way she moved was magnetic. He was sucked in, just watching her move, her fingers dancing to straighten out the layers of tablecloth, then pick up the cards again.

"What brings you here?" she asked. Professional. To the point. She observed him closely as she shuffled the cards slowly, letting them fall from palm to palm.

"I'd like a reading," he said. "That is what you do, yes?"

She clacked her tongue at him, shaking her head softly, the sounds of cards being shuffled coming to a stop. "I doubt you actually want a reading. But that's alright, I can do one anyway, if you're curious, or want to pass the time. It makes no difference to me."

He stiffened. Did she know something? "A reading will be fine."

Minoes extended her hand over the table, palm up, then when he didn't respond, she raised her eyebrows at him, making a 'come here' motion. He gave her his hand, which she then planted, palm open, on the velvet cloth. In it, she put the tarot deck. "Try shuffling it."

They laid heavy and warm in his hand, awkwardly sharp at the corners. He frowned at her. "I thought that was your job."

"We know each other, don't we?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him, leaning her chin on her hand. "You feel familiar."

Hans chuckled, letting himself laugh to distract from his unease. "I feel familiar?"

She smiled back and shrugged. "Like one of my dad's old friends. Same accent too."

He quieted, debating on how far to carry his ruse. Was she truly this perceptive? Or did anyone with a German accent remind her of his old crew?

She waved him to give her the deck back and he did. "Men like you often give me less trouble when I've compared them to my father." And she grinned, eyes twinkling.

Was that it? A mere tactic? For a second he was stunned. Perhaps there was more to here than he thought; a far more calculating personality underneath the velvet and the fringe. Truly Thomas’ daughter.

Yet, Hans couldn't resist. Lowly, he asked: "What kind of men did your father have as friends?"

She shrugged and shuffled the cards some more, dividing the deck into stacks, then shuffling again. "Business men, mostly. I'm sure you're a lot nicer than you appear, when you keep an open mind."

He almost laughed at the absurd irony of the situation, but held himself back from showing teeth just yet. The gun in his waistband pressed hard against his stomach. Patience, there was time, he bade himself. He'd enjoy it more if he practiced temperance. Done shuffling, she laid out three cards, facing down, on the tablecloth.

"No, that's not right," she mumbled to herself, and placed another two down, underneath the first three. He wondered if she believed in the cards, in their magic, or if it was just a job to her. A means to an end. "Are you a sceptic?"

The question was rather disarming, especially in the tone she used. So honest.

"I can't say I've ever had a reading before," he said. She nodded, and took another moment too long to look at him. Even outside thrill of the hunt, he was starting to enjoy himself.

"You're very diplomatic, I like that," she mused, and turned over the first card. A man sitting atop a throne, clad in red , holding a sceptre, all in red and yellows, an array of symbols and animals around him. "This represents you."

He frowned at her words. It looked nothing like him. Then she turned over the second one: a fountain with two fishes, streams of water flowing from a flower at the top of it, into two large cups. "That's your near future. A positive card, the Two of Cups. A card of infatuation. Now the question remains: who is the lucky one?"

The third of the first row: a figure on a surface of water, so still it perfectly mirrored the image above, yet her face was shrouded in ripples of mist. Lotus flowers floated on the water in perfect symmetry. It read: Queen of Cups.

"Ah, that's good. Fitting."

Hans leaned forward, trying to see what she saw. He wondered if she saw the delight of his sweet revenge. Or his deception. She looked up from the cards, long nail tapping at the first card. "The first one represents you. The second one is a situation that is taking shape in your near future. Let's start with there. It's possibly a new meeting, or a new connection that is growing between you and someone else. It could also depict a skill you're picking up that is bringing you a lot of joy. Something on the emotional plane, something you feel strongly about."

Hans didn't hide his grin. Something bringing him a lot of joy? He couldn't wait to see Thomas' face after he knew Hans had his precious daughter in his grasp.

"Continuing on to the Queen here, she represents the energy of the person you'll meet. An emotional, dreamy energy. If it represents a person, it's someone who fascinates you, who seems to bewitch you against all rationality. She touches parts of you deep within. Rest assured, as a partner, she's deeply loving. If it's a skill, it's something that lets you clear your mind and daydream during it, something that makes you wiser in the long run."

Minoes noticed him quirking an eyebrow at her words and held back a sigh. "It'll make sense later. In a month you'll remember this reading and think 'huh, perhaps Minoes was right after all'. When things are unfolding, it’s hard to find clarity, and if you’re not used to the cards and their way of speaking, that clarity will come later."

Unexpectedly touched by her conviction in her skills, Hans let out a soft laugh. Her annoyance withered away quick.

"Moving back to you; the Emperor. A strong card. A man of order, a man who strives for domination of the mind over nature, who wants clarity, who wants his structure to rule over all. Does that sounds like you?"

"What if it doesn't?" he asked, amused.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "If I take just one look at you; the suit and that Swiss watch on your wrist, I know enough."

He chuckled. "Fair enough. What else?"

Minoes reached over to turn over the remaining two cards. The first one depicted a strange double figure pouring different elements - fire and water - into a cup. The second one showed many swords on a blue background. It didn't look like a happy card at all.

"I love how this card, Temperance, marries the colours of the Emperor and the Two of Cups, do you see that?" she tapped the card with her long nail, pointing to the red bird that resembled the red in the Emperor card. "There is balance here, visually, which is very fitting to you."

She could be reading from a dictionary and he'd still listen to her, he thought. No longer with his hunt on his mind, he enjoyed this – she was charismatic in a disarming way, practiced and graceful, and he easily imagined anyone less sceptical than him hanging on to her every word. Even he felt himself drawn in by her, by the sparkle in her eyes, the slightest of smiles pulling at the corner of her mouth as she looked at the cards, explaining it all with such ease, the way she seemed to look right through him.

God, that a man as idiotic as Thomas could have a daughter this darling...

"In the dynamic that is presented here, a fault of yours would be to exert too tight a grip on what or who you love, which ends up lessening the joy you feel in the connection or skill you’re building. And you judge harshly. Not of others, necessarily - of yourself. A perfectionist. If you can’t go along with the flow of water that is in both the two of cups and the queen of cups, that feeling of adoration will wither quick."

"Noted."

She moved on to the blue card, the last one. "The other one... Well, this is not such a joyful card. It represents bad compromises, or someone close to you being dishonest. Innocence is used against one's self and taken advantage of. The colour scheme aligns all too well with the Queen, so unfortunately, it doesn't look as pleasant for that side of the equation. If this applies to the Queen as a person, she has lost her usual calm and no longer sees clearly."

Oh, she saw his deception after all. He delighted in having exercised patience and let her do her thing.

"To tie this together, your side of this reading is very balanced, exactly as you’d prefer." As she was still bent over the cards, Hans unbuttoned his suit jacket and reached inside. "The cards are in your favour, sir." Minoes smiled at him, glad to give him good news, whether he believed her or not.

The moment the gun landed on the table, pointing away from her still, her smile faltered – and his grew. Calmness washed over him. This was his game now.

"Liebling, let's do it the easy way. You're coming with me."

"So I was right," she said, face blank, eyeing the gun, her posture stiff. She sat up straight to face him, holding herself steady with her hands gripping her thighs. "Which one of them are you? Tony? He was always a bit out of control. Or Fritz, or Heinrich?"

"Hans."

She nodded once. "Hans."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance." He couldn't hold back his giddiness. Revenge, sweeter than honey, kissed his lips, and he was famished for it. He extended his free hand. "Come, up. Let us keep it civil."

"So this is all because of my dad? The whole ruse? Why even let me finish the reading, then?"

"We have time to chat later, Mausi, now get up."

Minoes flinched at his menacing tone, but still didn't budge. "Where to?"

He gave her an annoyed look, one that made her heart tighten with fear. There was a gun on the table and he didn't look angry, but annoyed. Her lack of cooperation was only a minor nuisance to him. She knew what these men were capable of, that's why her dad got out in the only way he thought possible; one that now bit her in the ass. The unfairness of it was bitter in her mouth.

Hans... He used to be reasonable. A strategist. Not that he didn't get his hands dirty when he had to, but this is better than if it were Tony. Yes, she decided, and briskly stood up. He followed her, gun in hand, but before he could grab her arm, she tidied up her cards and grabbed the pouch from the side and tucked them inside.

He gave an exasperated look. "You're bringing those?"

His hand was tight on her upper arm, guiding her towards the beaded curtain. Even to outsiders this wouldn't look civil, he'd have to keep her in check, once outside the tent.

"Being kidnapped seems like a rather dull affair," she bit. "Now will you put the gun away, you’ve made your point – there’s no need for it."

The corner of his mouth quirked upwards; a bit of her father's feistiness in her after all. "Are you sure you can behave?" And tucked it back in his waistband. The moment he did, was the moment she tried it: elbowing him in the ribs and going for his gun. Instead, she found herself slammed, face first, down on the small table, an arm twisted painfully behind her back.

He clacked his tongue. "I hoped your father raised you better than that." The displeased curl of his voice was too hot by her ear, and it tingled in all the wrong ways.

She bit her tongue not to let out any immature curses, and he let her up. He pulled her to him by her hair, angling her face up to his. "Going to be good now?"

Swallowing thickly, she nodded. He enjoyed the thoughts flashing across her face, the fear, the uncertainty, finally; how she gave in. Allowing himself to let the moment linger for a little longer, savouring it, before letting go.

He directed her out of the venue with a tightly guiding hand and a pleased smile. Had he ever had a revenge sweeter than this?

#hans gruber #hans gruber x oc #hans gruber x s/i #📔 noli me tangere 🍂#self ship community #self ship #selfshipping #die hard (1988)#self shipping #fictional other #f/o x s/i #meadow's writing

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jacobnordby · 1 year ago

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'Spiritual’ Red Flags to watch out for (AND THEIR MEANINGS):

1: To 'hold space' for someone = To sit and stare at someone with emotional issues for an uncomfortable amount of time, then pat yourself on the back for basically doing nothing while your homie has a breakdown.

2: I'm in transition = I'm unemployed and totally fucking lost, so I have created an identity out of being an opportunist. Maybe you have some trim work for me or food? Or a trade? I do crystal readings!

3: I'm processing a lot of downloads from the Universe = I smoked too much DMT and can’t afford therapy. By pretending that my fragile brain is a sacred record keeper, I receive validation for speaking gibberish.

4: I'm a lightworker/empath = I am depressed and unstable and take zero responsibility for my own self-destructive tendencies, and need to focus on condescending your dark shit to avoid my own. (PS: I'll diagnose you as a narcissist)

5: I am a Reiki Master= I crave human contact, And this makes me feel less insecure than Tinder. I can cross personal physical boundaries with ease if I so choose, depending on what my client looks like, or I can think about random things while getting paid handsomely to hold my hands awkwardly over someone’s body.

6: You have an amazing Aura = I would love to bang you.

7: I am writing a travel blog = I don't want to go home, I no longer fit in: I never have. I don't know where I will end up, but I’d like to get paid to figure it out.

8: I'm not looking for a relationship/ only deep soul connections = I have commitment issues and fear of intimacy so I collect partners with compatible insecurities. I understand you will head off to Thailand soon anyways. “Bread-crumbing my love keeps me safe” is my mantra, while I dip my dick like a candlestick in every Shanti ratchet priestess in town.

9: 'Inner Goddess Within' workshops = An understanding of daddy Issues and a way to overdevelop the masculine side to protect the little girl within. Helping participants to surrender to the bias that all men are shit ( all of this for a nominal fee). The level 2 masterclass will teach you how to galactivate your man’s scrotum chakra enough to make him forget that you pay for bullshit workshops with his harvest money.

10: A guru = Someone who has overstepped the threshold of self-development into supreme egotism and found a niche market. Carries a flute and has a name you can't pronounce (though his driver's license says Steve) and chants words he doesn’t understand. But interesting tattoos...right?

11. A shaman = see above.

12: Worshipping the Beloved = Classic scenario where a cluster B personality type convinces you at a festival that you are their twin flame, lost for centuries in the ether. If you have never been loved by your primary caregivers, this is paradise on earth as your fear of abandonment gets spanked with a mala on the magical, mystery tour of self-deception.

13: In the flow = I never commit to anything, especially plans to do anything with anyone, so that I can completely flake out and not take any responsibility for it; ie I didn’t pay my phone bill this month.

14: Co-creating a retreat/gathering = my borderline personality friends and I have exhausted all other means of making an honest income, and have decided instead to use our social media clout (aka naked buttcheeks) to radically overcharge a too-large group of saps for 2-14 days of mediocre vegan food, awkward group encounters, and real-world-style sexual politics.

15; Substance Free Event = Powder drugs are fine but if you bring alcohol, we’ll judge the shit out of you. Tobacco’s cool if you snort it and call it "ceremony" or roll your own.

16: Speaking My Truth = I reserve the right to be an asshole in this conversation and you must honour it, regardless of how deep my delusion may be. I’ll probably use this phrase every time I don’t want to be called out for my phone bullshit, because it’s all perspective man...

(Author Unknown)

#spirituality #new age #shadow work #lol

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violetswitchery · 2 years ago

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How to Become a Witch

The great (but also intimidating) thing about witchcraft is that there's no one right way. You create your own path.

Things to think about on your witchy path:

Consider what witchy things you're interested in doing.

Research with discretion!

Consider if you want this to be religious or secular.

Consider if you want to use a magical/witch name.

Consider if you want to find a local coven.

Start a grimoire/Book of Shadows.

Gather starter supplies if you want to.

Get started!

1. Consider what witchy things you're interested in doing.

Each person's path is different, and that's okay.

What are YOU interested in doing with witchcraft?

If you need ideas, here are some things people like to work with:

Plants

Crystals

Divination (tarot, runes, etc.)

The moon

Astrology and astronomy

Deities

The sea

Healing (herbal remedies, Reiki, etc.)

Folk magic

Food

Ancestors

Here are some things people like to create:

Spell jars

Anointing/devotional oils

Moon/sun/thunder water

Individualized tarot decks

Prayer beads

Sigils

Altars (full-size, travel, or pocket)

Statues

Charmed jewelry

2. Research with discretion!

Research is so very important in witchcraft. Learn from books; learn from experts. The Internet can be helpful but don't restrict yourself to TikTok videos.

Disclaimer: Don't believe everything you read. Use your discretion, and think critically before incorporating anything into your practice.

Important: As you learn, please note that there are closed communities (think Roma, Hoodoo, or Kabbalah) that you can't join just because you want to. They are restricted to people in those communities. Along the same lines, do not do closed practices unless you are a part of the associated community. For example, white sage and palo santo are sacred to Indigenous people, so it would be cultural appropriation for people in other communities to use them.

Anyway, now that I've said "community" a million times, let's move on.

For example

Here are some witchy books I've enjoyed recently:

True Magick: A Beginner's Guide by Amber K

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham (yes, it's Wicca-specific, but there's useful information even if you're not interested in that aspect)

Kitchen Table Magic by Melissa Cynova

A Book of Pagan Prayer by Ceisiwr Serith

The Tarot Bible by Sarah Bartlett

3. Consider if you want this to be religious or secular.

Do you want to include religion in your practice?

If you enjoy spirituality and religion, you're not alone. There are Wiccans, Christian witches, pagan witches... the list goes on.

Conversely, some people prefer to keep witchcraft separate from religion.

For example

For me, my witchcraft is intertwined with religion.

I work with deities. I pray over my cards and my spell jars.

4. Consider if you want to use a magical/witch name.

Some people choose a magical name to help themselves feel more present in the witchcraft. Others choose one for safety reasons.

You don't need a witch name, but if it interests you, go for it!

If numerology matters to you, you can use this site to calculate your life path number and the corresponding number for any witch names you're considering.

For example

My magical/witch name is Violet. I wanted a name derived from nature, and I wanted it to match my life path number (2).

5. Consider if you want to find a local coven.

Do you want to practice witchcraft on your own, or with other people?

For example

I've been a solitary practitioner for about 4 years now, but I'm actually joining a local Wiccan coven's beginner class this autumn. We'll see how it goes, but I'm excited to have a community!

6. Start a grimoire/Book of Shadows.

If you're not familiar, a grimoire or Book of Shadows (BOS) is just the place where a witch keeps her notes on the practice.

These notes can be physical or digital.

Witches often outline their rituals, spell recipes, and other magical info here. They may also journal about their experiences as a witch, how they've grown in the practice, things they've learned, etc.

It's important to have your own BOS so your knowledge is A) written down so you can refer to it again and B) all compiled conveniently in one place.

For example

At the moment, I use a digital BOS. It's hosted on Notion (yes, the free version).

Here are some of the pages in my BOS:

What witchery means to me

About me

Herb associations

Tarot associations

Spells

Moon phases

Sabbats

Sigils

Rituals

Witchy reading list

Witchy to-do list

Witchy calendar

(Separate from my BOS, I have a tarot journal in a physical notebook, where I track all my tarot readings. I also have a massive notebook where I keep notes on my interpretations of the cards and write out spreads as I learn them.)

7. Gather starter supplies if you want to.

You don't have to spend a thousand dollars on this. Your local dollar store or thrift shop is truly a blessing for witchy shopping, especially if you don't have any metaphysical shops nearby.

Consider what you want to do with witchcraft, and pick things that fit those desires. Don't buy something just because someone on the Internet said to.

You don't have to get everything all at once, either!

Some beginner supplies you might consider:

Tall (seven-day) candles

A notebook, sketchbook, or bullet journal for your Book of Shadows

Spices (cinnamon sticks, cloves, rosemary, mint, bay leaves, etc. Look at the ingredients list for the spells you want to cast before you buy!)

Glass jars with lids/corks

A small plate or bowl for offerings

One (1) tarot deck

For example

Here's a $20 Dollar Tree witchy haul video by Magickal Perspective:

youtube

(Would you be interested in seeing me do a dollar-store witchy haul on a budget? Let me know in the replies!)

8. Get started!

Yes, after me hitting you over the head with the research aspect, you finally get to do something with all that knowledge.

If you wait until you know everything, you'll never start. You're building your own path, and if you want to be witchy, you can start when you feel ready. Well, ready-ish. As ready as you're gonna be.

Pick something you're interested in, protect yourself, and then get going!

Summary

Things to think about on your witchy path:

Consider what witchy things you're interested in doing.

Research with discretion!

Consider if you want this to be religious or secular.

Consider if you want to use a magical/witch name.

Consider if you want to find a local coven.

Start a grimoire/Book of Shadows.

Gather starter supplies if you want to.

Get started!

Now go forth and become a witch, if that's what works for you!

#witchcraft #witchblr #witchery #witchy #violet's witchery

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moons-of-firdaws · 8 months ago

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Adding to this as someone who learned about astrology because I hated it, and I pride myself on being an informed hater.

It bothers me when people talk badly about astrology, not because their critiques aren't valid but because they're misinformed.

When we're talking about an astrology that shoves you into 12 boxes and says "cancers are emotional", and believes certain things about you are fundamental and unchangeable and that they know everything about you without actually having to talk to you — we're not critiquing astrology, we're critiquing the New Age movement (the section in your local library that says "new age spirituality"? These are the same thing) which began somewhere around the 1970s. Now this, this is important to critique, call out and pushback against because it is a reactionary and fundamentalist counterculture movement — other markers of the New Age movement are: alternative medicine, the law of attraction (prosperity gospel) and pseudohistory or historical reconstructionism.

This is where you get things like crystal or essential oil healing, low vibrational and high vibrational thoughts ("you attract what you think about, avoid low vibrational thoughts") and Wiccanism being attributed to thousands of years ago and referred to as the first witches or the first religion (Wiccanism emerged in the 1960s).

It is important to understand (and position) this kind of critique against astrology within that framework, because another Hallmark of the New Age movement is the appropriation, misappropriation and bastardization of a variety of complex spiritual systems through a reductionist lense. Different spiritual systems, and different parts of different spiritual systems, are cherry picked, repackaged and simplified into... what I'll be referring to as determinist categories for a lack of a better word (I'm running on 5 hours of sleep and I can't remember the specific word for this, but I know it exists). They did this with astrology, but they also did this with Chakra, with Reiki healing, the Jewish tree of life (and other aspects of Kabbalah) and ATRs (African Traditional Religions) to name a few. This is how you get things like: the divine feminine, twin flames and you need to open your sacral chakra (P.S. Chakras don't "open" or "close", you can't open your Charkra because it doesn't close. P.P.S. also Chakras are a closed practice to certain Hindu and Buddhist sects, and to my knowledge the Hindu sects which do accept converts don't do Chakra — this is very much a "you're either born into it, and in certain sects even if you're born into it you have to be initiated into it first, or you can't practice.") etc. These are all very much rooted in the stereotypical conceptions of spirituality (/spiritual systems) within western cultures. It is important to call this out because the New Age movement and associated notions are dangerous, like all reactionary movements it's peddled towards people who are desperate to offer an easy-fix solution and in some cases it can convince people to forgo life saving treatment in favour of crystal healing (or essential oils, or convince them to ingest toxic crushed crystals, herbs or oils), and this is without unpacking all its racist and antisemitic elements and the harm that it does to marginalized communities. Obviously, the degree of danger differs, to use a more relatable example to bloggers who are likely to be exposed to posts by user batmanisagatewaydrug, think of the difference degrees of danger within puritanism: from "if you ship jaytim you're weird and wrong" to "sexual deviants (queer people, sex workers, kinksters) should be criminalized and also sex outside the institution of marriage is a sin that should be outlawed." See?

Now, let's talk astrology. I'd like to preface with the fact that I won't be talking about Vedic astrology here, with all the associated implications of it being used as an oppressive tool in South Asia, because that is a different context that's not relevant to this conversation; New Age astrology isn't referring to Nakshatras when it makes these statements and generalization and (in mainstream cases) wasn't appropriated from vedic astrology, it is a bastardized form of hellenistic astrology (which was practiced in the Mediterranean and Egypt). Majority of western astrologers practice hellenistic astrology (with a few exceptions that practice a form of mesopotamian astrology or Islamic, or Jewish, astrology) and this will henceforth be referred to as just astrology because it makes things easier for me specifically.

So, astrology, what is it? Not your personality is actually predetermined by space gas at birth. Astrology doesn't draw, nor imply, causal relationships — in layman terms, astrology says, "as above, so below." What this means is that astrology is a spiritual system that is a method of divination (see: coffee cup reading), and the way through which it divines things is by reading the sky and planetary movements (not much to do with stars, I'm afraid) on the basis that the world goes through the same bullshit, and it's easier to look at the sky to draw an inference than it is to do so from the inside — in the exact same way that it is easier to look at a mirror to put on your eyeliner, than it is to figure it out by Proprioception. Basically we use the macrosome as mirror, looking at our cosmic reflection, to figure out the microsome.

But astrology, as a spiritual practice, is very clear that these are inferences. Correlationial inferences. Correlation is NOT causation.

The part we talk about when we go, "I'm a Virgo sun and a Leo moon" are natal charts. Natal charts are essentially a snapshot of the sky, relative to your geographic location, at the moment you were born — and the thing is, it's way more complicated than Virgo sun and Leo moon (that's part of the reason why its bastardization by the New Age movement is an issue, it strips it from a lot of context and makes it easy to make sweeping generalizations). First, there are outer planets (also sometimes referred to as generational planets, these you share with your birth cohort) and inner planets (specific to you) that's because, while the sun changes signs every 28 days, Pluto changes signs every 12-30 years. And that's just zodiac signs, we haven't even gone into Houses (a planet will transition into a sign, and into a house, a Libra moon in the 7th House is different than a Libra moon in the 12th House). Then we go into the fact that, natal charts are a mathematical mapping of planetary positions, relevant to your location at a very specific time, and the angles of these mapped out lines and the patterns they make matter, and what quadrant they're in also matter, because the position of different planets in relation to each other matter (are they opposite or square each other? is it a trine, a sextile, a grand cross? In which of the four quadrants is anything; ascendant, descendant, midheaven, or IC?) and you will have multiple of these patterns in one natal chart.

That's to say, every single natal chart is unique. There are no two natal charts that are the exact same (hence: you can't and shouldn't be make sweeping generalizations about people). Except for cesarean twins that are born, like, 2 minutes apart; a conundrum for natal chart astrology divination (natal chart astrologists will make the argument that identical twins who share 100% of their genes will also be different, this doesn't invalidate natal chart astrology, I'll leave that up to you to work through).

And that's just natal charts. Which isn't even the most practiced, relevant, or salient part of astrology. The primary practice of astrology involves transits. If you've ever heard the phrase, "mercury retrograde", that's a transit (retrograde isn't enough either, is it in Gemini or Virgo? What House is it in currently? Where is it in relation to other planets in antegorate or retrograde?)

Then, if you want to know what relevance a transit has to you... it gets even more complex. You overlay snapshot of the sky currently (and how it's going to move), on top of your natal chart — this also means that your natal chart, or the saliency of different aspects of your natal chart and its relevance to your life isn't static, it changes with time. It breathes with you. This is referred to as horoscopic progression.

The most popular form of horoscopic progression are what we colloquially refer to as "horoscope" (which is a misnomer as that's more of an umbrella but whatever), which, by the way, is not about your sun sign. If you're a Libra sun, you don't read Libra horoscope. You read by your ascendant, which is your sign in 1H (first house), i.e. a Libra sun, Aquarius Ascendant/Rising, should be reading the horoscope for Aquarius and not Libra. Your ascendant also changes every 30mins (actually 2 hours, but it goes by 30s, i.e. the ascendant sign for someone born at 14:00 will be different than the ascendant sign for someone born at 14:30, and will stay the same until 16:30; the minutes it goes by might vary by year, I haven't actually checked that) so if you don't know the exact time of your birth, that's not a part of horoscopes you can glean information from.

And this barely scratches the surface of astrology!

Anyways to conclude, I leave you with this screenshot of Wikipedia on Horoscopes (taken 28/11/2024) because it elaborates on my prev points on horoscope astrology much more clearly than I ever could.

[Image Description: Astrological progression is a part of what is usually called predictive astrology, the claim of astrology to predict or forecast future trends and developments. Most astrologers nowadays regard the term 'prediction' as something of a misnomer, as modern astrology does not claim to directly predict future events as such. Instead it is claimed that an astrological pattern with regard to the future can correspond with any one of a variety of possibilities. What is in fact foretold is the trend of circumstances and the nature of the individual's reaction to the situation. In other words, progressed and transiting movements of the planets indicate phases in the individual's life when the potential shown in the natal chart will be given opportunities for development, whether through favourable or unfavourable circumstances.

In addition all modern astrologers stress the role of free will. It is asserted that astrology does not reveal fate or patterns which are 'written in stone', rather it reveals a person's strengths and weakness, talents and opportunities. The horoscope does not determine the future, but shows the possible paths that lie ahead so that the individual can choose between them. Modern astrologers argue that no planetary aspect brings a fate that cannot be counteracted in some way and some benefit derived from it - what actual events happen are largely dependent upon the freedom of choice of the individual. The role of the astrologer is to create self-knowledge and awareness of the movement of the planets and their meaning, so as to give the individual an improved ability to make reasoned and sensible life choices. In short, modern astrologers do not generally predict actual future events, or claim that the future is mapped out and determined.

End Image Description.]

(P.S. if I've gotten anything wrong and anyone wants to offer corrections to the information presented here, or add on to it, please feel free.)

I also apologize in advance for the very long post that's about to hit my mutuals & followers; I don't know how to put things under a read more tag.

it does still make me insane specifically how many queer people lovingly embrace astrology. I went to a poetry workshop yesterday that was genuinely quite good but also included an option to disclose astrology designations during introductions and so many people broke out some variation of "I'm a [x] sum but I have a [y] placement and it SHOWS" girl no it doesn't. that's meaningless correlation you completely invented the causation

#astrology #new age movement #new age spirituality #discourse #luno #important #new age astrology vs hellenistic astrology

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asiansatire · 1 day ago

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ICE STORMS "MARIJUANA FARM

ICE STORMS "MARIJUANA FARM," TRIGGERS NATIONAL LETTUCE PANIC

In what federal officials are calling "Operation Garden Grab," agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) executed a high-drama raid at a Southern California marijuana cultivation site earlier this week. The facility — referred to in official documents as a “farm” — reportedly contained no cows, no wheat, no tractors, and zero USDA-certified rutabagas, yet media outlets across the spectrum described the scene like a crisis at Monsanto. One panicked ABC anchor solemnly announced: “Federal agents have shut down a massive marijuana farm, possibly threatening our nation's broccoli supply.” That’s right: America, meet the Cannabis-Cauliflower Conflation Crisis of 2025.

MEDIA TOOK THE WORD "FARM" WAY TOO LITERALLY

The word “farm” — long associated with quaint barns, hayrides, and sad documentaries narrated by Morgan Freeman — has been ruthlessly co-opted to describe anything with plants and an electrical bill. “It’s not a farm,” said ICE Deputy Director Carl “Buzzkill” Malley. “It’s a crime scene with irrigation.” Still, mainstream media insisted on the agrarian label. CNN called the facility a "high-yield cannabis farm operation," while Fox News ran a chyron reading: “ICE Protects Tomato Futures from Drug Lords.” “They had LED lights and lava lamps,” said ICE field agent Lauren Traynor. “At no point did I see corn. But there was a guy named Cactus Dave who claimed to be the soil whisperer.” "I asked the ICE agent why they hit a marijuana farm. He said, ‘We feared it was an agricultural insurgency.’ Buddy, it’s weed. The only thing they’re attacking is a family-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos." — Billy Crystal "ICE raided a cannabis greenhouse and confiscated three pounds of weed and one confused raccoon named ‘Trippy.’" — Sarah Silverman

THE STONED GOAT THEORY

Agents claimed they feared a biological threat was spreading to the food supply. Specifically, that lettuce could absorb THC through hydroponics and turn entire salad bars into Woodstock reenactments. During the raid, they encountered a three-legged goat named Locutus chewing on a clipboard and wearing a hemp necklace. “He just stared into my soul,” said one ICE officer. “I think he was tripping.” “Locutus is our security chief,” said Beatrice Johnson, greenhouse manager and amateur Reiki healer. “He mostly guards the snack table.” In an official report, the goat was listed as “a suspicious ungulate with psychoactive tendencies.”

FROM RAID TO RAGER: AGENTS EXPERIENCE CONTACT HIGH

Though ICE came armed with battering rams, riot gear, and a no-nonsense warrant titled “Operation Basil Sweep,” they reportedly left the site giggling and covered in Cheeto dust. According to eyewitnesses, the tactical breach team initially shouted, “GET ON THE GROUND!” before pausing to ask: “Wait, is that reggae? Is someone... playing ‘Redemption Song’?” Several agents reportedly lost focus, forming a drum circle around a ventilation fan. One DEA official on-site commented, “Honestly, I haven't felt this mellow since Burning Man 2011. And that was an accident involving edibles and a nude interpretive dance team.”

PUBLIC REACTION: “WHY IS ICE GUARDING THE ARUGULA?”

Public reaction was immediate and confused. A flash poll conducted by the Center for Disorganized Opinion revealed: 73% thought the raid was “overkill” 19% were “too high to respond” 8% were worried their spinach had joined a gang Fox’s Tucker Carlson clone “Tuckler Carlston” warned viewers, “This isn’t about drugs. This is about liberal produce trying to unionize.” One protester, who gave his name as “Spiral Don,” carried a sign reading: “NO FARMS, NO FOODS, NO FUNIONS.” When asked what he meant, he said, “I think I misspelled ‘Funyuns.’”

WHY THE “FARM” LABEL WORKS SO WELL FOR FEAR

Experts suggest that calling these sites “farms” isn’t just misleading — it’s a strategic psychological tactic designed to provoke rural panic and weaponize agriculture. According to Dr. Helena Bonkweiser, Professor of Media Linguistics at UC Santa Banal: “If you say ‘dispensary,’ people think of a strip mall. But if you say ‘farm,’ it sounds like the cabbage has a criminal record.” ICE leveraged this linguistic loophole to seize not just plants, but public goodwill. “Nobody wants drug dealers. But farmers? Farmers get sympathy and subsidies,” Bonkweiser noted. Indeed, when reports surfaced that the “marijuana farm” might have been growing near a soybean field, conservative congressman Randy Forkblaster took to Truth Social to post: “America’s soy is under siege.”

THE REAL VICTIMS: SNACKS, PLANTS, AND CIVIL LIBERTIES

Inside the raided greenhouse, agents confiscated: 427 cannabis plants 17 jars of infused honey 1 lava lamp in violation of decor code 8 unopened bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos But they also confiscated constitutional rights. Greenhouse worker Luna DeFrond said, “They zip-tied my arms and accused me of growing illegal kale. I told them kale is legal, but they said it looked ‘communist.’” Civil rights groups, food cooperatives, and one rogue vegan biker gang have all condemned the raid as “salad suppression.” The ACLU issued a press release titled: “ICE Can’t Tell Lettuce From Loud.”

FOLLOW-UP RAIDS PLANNED: NEXT TARGET = AVOCADO

Sources within Homeland Security say additional raids may soon target avocado groves suspected of harboring “extremist guacamole culture.” ICE has also flagged a suspicious smoothie truck operating outside a high school, code-named “Operation Acai Apocalypse.” A redacted DHS memo reads: “We must ensure breakfast bowls are safe, patriotic, and non-psychoactive.” In anticipation, California-based avocado barons have begun arming themselves with tiny, artisanal pitchforks and Instagram filters.

EXPERT TESTIMONY: NOTHING WAS ENDANGERED BUT REPUTATIONS

Harvard sociologist Dr. Marvin Floop offered this assessment: “ICE raided a weed farm and found... weed. That’s not crime-fighting. That’s just being nosy.” Meanwhile, 92-year-old activist Mary “Gram-Gram” Vickers went viral for yelling at ICE agents during the raid: “You leave those plants alone! You’re just jealous they grow faster than your pensions!” Her cane was later declared a “non-lethal threat object.”

THE AFTERMATH: LOCUTUS ELECTED FARM MANAGER

In the wake of the chaos, greenhouse staff voted unanimously to elect Locutus the goat as the new general manager. “He’s got vision,” said staffer Daisy Bluntz. “He doesn’t say much, but when he farts, we all listen.” ICE officials refused to comment further, though one anonymous officer admitted: “It’s not that we lost. It’s that... they made us feel feelings.”

CALL TO ACTION: HOW TO SURVIVE A GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED “GARDEN GRAB”

If your backyard basil is acting suspicious or your rosemary looks like it’s coordinating with foreign oregano, report immediately to your local Department of Farm-Based Paranoia (DFBP). Otherwise, consider the following tips: Do NOT label your grow shed a “farm” on Zillow. It’ll get you a no-knock raid and three C-SPAN hearings. If approached by ICE, offer them hummus. They cannot legally raid you with hummus in hand. Goats make terrible lawyers but great morale boosters. Always keep one nearby.

CONCLUSION: WHEN SALAD BECOMES SUSPICIOUS, NO ONE IS SAFE

ICE's latest raid is less about law enforcement and more about branding. When a joint operation starts calling greenhouses “farms,” suddenly every arugula leaf is a threat to democracy. Americans are being primed to fear their Caesar salad while ignoring the fact that ICE just raided a yoga retreat with grow lights. And while the government sniffs basil, your civil liberties are getting slow-roasted like garlic knots in an edible pizza oven. Auf Wiedersehen, America.

Operation Garden Grab, agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) executed a high-drama raid at a Southern California marijuana cultivation site earlier this week.

16 Hilarious Observations on ICE Raids at Marijuana "Farms"

Or: Why every news outlet suddenly thinks potheads are holding your broccoli hostage 1. "Farms?" Really? They call them marijuana farms so your grandma thinks ICE just saved Thanksgiving. "Thank God they raided that farm, Ethel. I almost served a blunt instead of a yam!" 2. Because “Marijuana Dispensary” Sounds Too Much Like a Walgreens The media calls it a farm to scare middle America into thinking their mashed potatoes are now Schedule 1 narcotics. Next on FOX: "Your carrots could be laced with THC and hip-hop." 3. Immigration and Cannabis: A Joint Effort ICE raided a greenhouse with 40 undocumented workers and 400,000 plants. That's not a farm, that’s a Bob Marley theme park. 4. Breaking News: Oregano Fields Under Suspicion “Federal agents stormed what they believed was a marijuana farm—turns out it was a Domino’s herb garden. Casualties include 6 basil plants and one stoned delivery driver." 5. The Only Crop That Makes You Forget What You Were Raided For When ICE showed up, the growers were like, “Wait… is this about taxes? Or the aliens? Or... wait, where am I?” 6. DEA vs ICE: Turf War Over Turf Apparently, ICE and the DEA are beefing over who gets to confiscate the good stuff. ICE wants the plants. DEA just wants the gummies. 7. A Farm Where the Only Crop Is Bob Marley’s Legacy The only livestock on a marijuana farm is a guy named Lenny who thinks he’s a goat. 8. ICE Agents Now Smell Like Snoop Dogg’s Garage After the raid, ICE trucks left the scene trailing skunk smell and mumbling lyrics from “Gin & Juice.” “Rollin’ down the avenue, ICE got contact high, yo…” 9. Pot Farms Aren’t Threatening — They’re Relaxing Imagine being an ICE agent trying to be intimidating… and the suspect offers you a cookie and says, "Dude, chill, the earth loves you." 10. The Media Wants You to Believe Weed is Weaponized Lettuce “Marijuana farm bust may impact lettuce supply,” said CNN, while showing footage of a guy in dreadlocks playing a ukulele next to a scarecrow holding a vape pen. 11. You Can’t Spell ‘Agriculture’ Without ‘Aaaaahhhh, dude.’ They said it was a drug farm. But let’s be honest, the only “cartel” on site was the Mario Kart tournament in the employee lounge. 12. ICE Agents Now Under Review for Excessive Hugging “After 30 minutes in the greenhouse, the agents started giggling and hugging the plants. One was heard saying, ‘This fern gets me, man.’” 13. They Called It a 'Raid' But It Was More of a Field Trip An ICE officer was quoted saying, "I thought we were hitting a meth lab. Instead, I got a free tour, two bags of Funyuns, and a therapy dog named Biscuit." 14. You Ever Seen a Protest Where Everyone Forgot Why They Were Protesting? Hundreds gathered to protest the raid, but after a few joints... “Wait… are we mad at ICE or… was this a music festival?” 15. They Treat It Like Tobacco but It’s More Like Basil That Majored in Philosophy “Dangerous narcotics” is a strong term for something that makes you watch Planet Earth for 7 hours and cry when the baby penguin finds his mom. 16. Next: ICE Raids Avocado Farm Suspected of Liberal Activities The avocado grove was harboring progressive brunches and socialist toast. “This ain’t no fruit salad — this is a revolution!”

Operation Garden Grab, agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) executed a high-drama raid at a Southern California marijuana cultivation site earlier this week.

What the Funny People Are Saying...

"ICE raided a marijuana farm? That’s like showing up to a drum circle with a SWAT team — congratulations, you just arrested six guys named Skylar who can’t remember their own birthdays." — Ron White "ICE raiding a marijuana farm is like TSA tackling a toddler because their juice box looks suspicious. Like, congratulations, you’ve saved America from giggles and nap time." — Jerry Seinfeld "ICE says they were concerned about food safety. What, like the weed was going to unionize with the lettuce and start a co-op?" — Roseanne Barr "It’s not even a farm. Farms have cows. This place had a dude named Cactus Dave who believes cows are time travelers." — Larry David "One guy tried to flee the raid in slow motion. Not because he was high — he just thought he was in a Zack Snyder film." — Jon Stewart "The agents got so high during the raid they filed paperwork in crayon and declared the cactus a threat to national security." — Groucho Marx "They keep calling them ‘marijuana farms’ on the news. You know who else grows crops in greenhouses? Kindergarten teachers with lima beans in Dixie cups!" — Jerry Seinfeld "They kicked down the greenhouse door like it was a meth lab. The only thing exploding in there was a bong the size of a saxophone." — Amy Schumer "They said the weed operation was 'highly sophisticated.' Highly, yes. Sophisticated? The break room had a lava lamp and a whiteboard that just said 'Weed Math.'" — Adam Sandler "What threat do marijuana growers even pose? The last time they staged a rebellion, they all fell asleep before the chant got past ‘heyyyy man…’" — Jackie Mason

Operation Garden Grab, agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) executed a high-drama raid at a Southern California marijuana cultivation site earlier this week. Read the full article

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niramay · 20 days ago

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Ayurvedic Center Pune, Energy Healing & More: Discover Holistic Health with Niraamay

In today’s busy and stressful world, more people are looking for gentle, side-effect-free ways to improve their health. That’s why Natural Healing in Pune is gaining popularity—and at the center of this movement is Niraamay, where ancient wisdom meets modern wellness.

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reikisthan · 1 month ago

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Business Name Numerology Analysis Kay Beauty by Katrina Kaif's detailed numerology analysis Please whatsapp us on : 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐓: 8336930065 (11am to 6pm, Sunday closed) for any assistance. ========================================================= Eekaparnika is a Holistic Healing institute founded by Aleka Ghose in the year 2020. After having worked extensively as reiki healer and teacher, tarot card reader, numerologist, and crystal Therapist since 2017, as a freelancer and also with several esteemed wellness organisations of Howrah and Kolkata, Mrs. Read the full article

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auraluxe888 · 2 months ago

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✦ What’s New at Aura Luxe? Updated Offerings for Your Energy + Soul ✦

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lotus1234healingcenter · 1 month ago

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Chakra Balancing Therapy at Udaipur – Restore Your Energy, Revive Your Life at Lotus Healing Centre 🧘‍♀️

In the heart of Udaipur, a peaceful transformation awaits you. If you're feeling emotionally drained, physically fatigued, or spiritually disconnected, it might be time to realign your body’s energy centers. At Lotus Healing Centre, we specialize in chakra balancing therapy at Udaipur, offering a deeply healing experience that brings harmony to your mind, body, and soul.

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aballofscience · 2 months ago

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I want to preface this post by saying: this isn't what Science Yarn will be all about. This is an explanation of why I try to explain science in a fun, simple, understandable way, and you don't need to care to follow along. Just be prepared for the occasional commentary on academia.

The content of Science Yarn will be me trying to explain science and philosophy so that actual humans can understand it without decades of studying. The other posts will probably also not be this long at all.

I also want to say that this is not necessarily my full or perfect view of science and philosophy. I mainly want to show that I will occasionally try to look critically at the current systems of science that we populate.

The Spire of Academia

I'm not the first person to ever talk about it. Some people call it the 'spire of academia', some call it an 'ivory tower', some people relate it to elitarian or to academia, or say it's an inherent property of science. I'm talking about the threshold that makes it so difficult to join science.

The Problem

The problem that a lot of people have with science is that it's so hard to be a part of it yourself. I myself am a relatively new university student. Where I live, that means I've had 14 years of education behind me, and depending on my future decisions multiple still in front of me. I'm hardly even specialised yet.

Those are 14 years of day in, day out learning. Most other kids either didn't want that, or didn't appreciate the theoretical approach. Only the kids with the best grades were funnelled to go on to university, and even then, not all of them choose to. And if I could change my decision, I probably would.

Why? Not because I'm not smart, I mean, I made it, right? Not because the curriculum was too hard, because again, I made it. Not because I don't like the prestige of being able to say that I'm studying at a university. It does feel a bit cool to say. But because I'm not sure some of the things I'm doing are really in the spirit of science.

Pseudoscience

And to understand that, we have to look at one of the biggest competitors with science: pseudoscience. This is a name that scientists and philosophers believe will highlight the nonsense factor, and there are many more ways that we try to stop belief in pseudosciences. But somehow, it doesn't seem to be working.

So let's first talk about why pseudosciences are pseudosciences. There are different reasons that something may be demarcated. There might not be proof that the theory given is correct at all. It might be impossible to prove that the theory is correct because there is no way to check it; you can't verify that the theory is actually what is causing the effects. You may even be able to show inaccuracies, biases, or contradictions within the theories themselves. And science is always first to point those things out.

But why do people still so massively flock to these theories? Why are crystal healing, reiki, and chiropractors doing so well, even when science refutes them, or at least says we can't be sure that they work? Well, there are various reasons for that.

Firstly, it has to do with how difficult it is to actually understand science. Of course, partially, that's to do with how abstract, or sometimes tiny or huge things are. You can't just go and experience an acid trading a hydrogen atom with a base the same way you can experience a Newton's cradle. In chemistry, we call that micro/meso/macro levels. Macro is what you can actually experience.

Similarly, in physics, you have to imagine all these arrows that describe forces and velocity. You have to imagine those being invisible things that influence the whole world. This ground we live on is a massive ball of liquid stone and metal. All the small balls in the sky are actually bigger than the Earth. Those aren't things you can "just" wrap your head around.

But that's not everything. Because these sizes are called 'macro' and 'micro', and not something like 'seeable size' and 'molecule size'. The arrows aren't called 'unit arrows' but instead 'vectors'. And there's reasons for that... sometimes. 'Micro' is shorter than 'molecule size', but more esoteric; you have to know what it is to know what it is. 'Molecule size' is a very clearly understandable term, even if you don't know yet what it means. Similarly, science has a lot of Latin terms, wherever possible. And I won't deny that Latin is a fascinating and very cool language, but research shows that there are significantly fewer ancient Romans these days than about 1800 years ago. And, fun fact - but this is just my own agenda - there has been one more Polish eye doctor who's invented a language to be as easy to learn as possible, and also modular. I'm subconsciously telling your brain to learn Esperanto for science. Especially effective since Latin went through centuries of different phases, while Esperanto is synthetic and doesn't have such weaknesses. >:)

So between all the things that are so small that trust me bro, things that aren't physical but that influence the world, and stuff that's written in a language most people don't even know, it's not surprising that some folks decide to believe in essential oils. Because oils are physical things, and they're understandable English words too. The part of believing they exist at all is easily done, so you only need to give the impression that they work. Plus, they smell nice!

How to Save Science

Okay, so I don't really have the answers for how to save science, that just sounds good as a title, but I have some ideas, some of them quite easy to implement.

Firstly, look back at the whole academia thing. I think much of academia is an attempt to find a middle ground between one scientific formal (super precise) but esoteric (closed off from the outside world) language, and one language that actual human beings speak when being people. And maybe that mix isn't that effective. Even for most scientists it is hard to keep their attention. Instead, what if I could just write down some scientific formulas and give some extra context in human language where needed?

And that brings us to my second point: sometimes, you need to stop trying to make one language that encapsules everything. Or at least don't try to use it until it's double-triple-checked. Science is a tool to help the world and the people on it. As it currently goes, most people can't understand what we mean because of our weird terms that most people have never heard before, that require a whole dictionary just to keep up with. Instead, how about we translate some scientific works to human language? Have both versions available: English and Academia.

And finally, I too hate academia. I'm great with formal languages (like formulas, not fancy rich folk etiquette speech) and I'm a person who speaks human speech, but academia is such a massive barrier for me, despite everything I could help science with otherwise. I can perfectly communicate my ideas in language that I use, but currently, I'm being judged on how well I can write texts according to specific parameters that I don't believe are good for science. Maybe we need to separate formal and human language and acknowledge that barrier. And then when we need to communicate between the two, we call in someone who actually likes it. But until then, I'm not sure I'm thrilled about what we call science, and I might just use science to mean my own goals. And I will keep being a little chaos gremlin. Keep following this err- Tumb? Tlog? Whatever they're called for more.

#science #philosophy #madge_at_academia

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unwrittenwitness · 2 months ago

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Costa Rica Pt.1. The Landing 12th Feb 2022.

January has felt like fog. Ever since my Christmas ‘out-of-body trip’, I’ve been in a strange, slow-motion panic, and in the month since, I’ve been hit by wave after wave of realisations, truths, nuggets of information from myself I didn’t ask for. It feels relentless.

I’m glad that I’m living with Sofi and her partner, because they are party people, and that seems to be all I’m capable of right now, but I think I’ve been going a bit too far. Suddenly, I’m overstimulated by everything. Too many sounds, too many smells. Crowds feel unbearable. It’s like my whole body has become an antenna. I can feel everything, and it’s terrifying. I keep asking myself—am I losing my mind? Am I having a full-blown psychotic break? I’ve even suggested a ‘casual’ arrangement with an old friend and have been spending a lot of time with him. There’s something insanely comforting about just hanging out with him and watching The Simpsons. Mostly, I think I just needed somewhere quiet to go.

Somewhere with less energy bouncing off the walls.

Last week at a friend’s birthday, Sofi said something strange. She told me she was jealous of my “spiritual gifts”—jealous that I can suddenly ‘do all this cool spiritual stuff’. I looked at her in panic, “Sofi, I’ve not asked for any of this. I am in hell, and my entire being feels like it’s been r**ped by the universe.” And she just said, “Still, I’m jealous.” I can’t unpack how that makes me feel, but if I’m writing it down, it must matter.

After a few weeks of ‘too much fun’, something odd started happening. I’ve started (what Alastair calls) emotional burping, which is kind of a rubbish name, because it’s not a burp—it’s more like a diaphragm spasm from ‘inauthenticity’, as if my body is hiccupping grief or fear or overwhelm before I even know it’s there. Alastair says that it’s common with ‘Solar Plexus activation’, when your Solar Plexus ‘wakes up’. I’m so incredibly thankful that I have someone who can explain these things to me, but even so, part of me wishes someone would just look me in the eye and say, “Hey… this sounds nuts. You should probably see someone.” Not in a dismissive way, but because everyone acting like this is totally normal without ever experiencing it isn’t helping…

These burp things do have one serious pay-off: they seem to guide me… I started to notice that they would start up when I was about to do something that didn’t actually feel right… So, I’ve decided to follow the burps to Costa Rica.

I know it sounds strange, following burps 8000km away, but I’ve found a place called The Retreat, Costa Rica. They’ve got yoga, massage, amazing-looking food, hiking trips, and ‘Spiritual things’ like crystal work, Reiki and Soundbaths. I’ve never tried any of those things, but it seems like something that’s just ‘obviously going to happen’ - that ‘it’s not a choice’ feeling. I’m also making a detour to collect the last of my things from Calgary and get another tattoo, so I figured—why not ‘swing through’ Tulum and stay at Kan?

I’ve never been scared of solo travel. But I am scared of flying, so I usually just pass out and hope for the best. This time, as the plane began to descend into Costa Rica, I woke from a dream: snakes, calmly coiling around me. Jack, standing in the distance, just watching. No fear in his face. Just watching. The song playing through the plane’s speakers as I opened my eyes? “It’s Time to Wake Up,” by La Femme. Not subtle, universe. Not subtle at all. It’s funny what we have as symbols of expression. One of the first things I noticed—and really loved—about Jack was his dungarees.

In my marriage, Laurence hated dungarees. He said they looked like something a farmer would wear, but to me, dungarees mean artists and kids’ TV presenters. They mean tree climbing and paint-splattered joy and childhood. I think I thought his dislike of them meant a dislike of me. His distaste felt personal. So I never wore them.

And then there was Jack, wearing them in public, in a city where they’re not even remotely cool. No irony. No self-consciousness. Just himself. It changed something in me. Those dungarees gave little Ilana proof that she wasn’t alone… I bought some as soon as I landed home, and now I’m sitting in them, meditating and writing on a plane, travelling over an ocean to have someone put crystals on me. It’s wild how suddenly your life can change. When I had body dysmorphia, I quickly learnt that your eyes can see things that aren’t real, so I’ve been trying to learn how to see with more than my eyes, and so far, I’m finding meditating incredibly fun. Listening to music helps. One song in particular—Electric Feel (Henry Green’s version)—takes me right into the feeling of dancing with Jack, feeling light again. It somehow lets me forget how scared I still am.

When I listen, I see lightning-white raindrops falling all over me, soaking into my skin until I’m glowing with their light. It feels like joy. Electric. Like that first climb of MDMA, just as the bass drops.

As we were waiting to disembark, I closed my eyes again to imagine 32-year-old Ilana putting on her dungarees and meeting five-year-old Gaia (my middle name). They laughed and danced and hugged, and for a split second, I could actually feel myself.

I don’t know what I’ll find in Costa Rica, but for the first time in almost a year, the spin cycle of this spiritual washing machine seems to be slowing.

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