#Rated: Lime

[jplupine]

I made the mistake of rewatching Hunter x Hunter before bed because I'm being violently reminded how much I fuckin go feral over Uvogin.

First, he's SO DAMN BIG??? THOSE ARE BEER CANS!! HIS FINGERS ARE LONGER THAN BEER CANS-💥

Feral bastards, I love you. The animators went so hard glossing this bitch's lips in a close up after he CAUGHT A BULLET WITH HIS TEETH??? *screams* and don't even get me fuckin started on the scenes where he's all chained up and this fucking idiot's laugh and

AND HE KISSES THE HOMIES- I'm sorry that just screams a Secure Man to me and I go rabid. Cuteness aggression but it's just me wanting to turn big men into my chew toys

[jplupine]

Possibly the worst option for a sugar daddy, I ain't gettin shit from that man. In fact, he's probably asking me for money 🤦‍♂️ It's fine. Hubby Sukuna and side piece Gojo can provide. Baby daddy must've happened during a wild night of experimenting who knows

Jujutsu Kaisen (NSFW dilf ver.) click and drag game!

MINORS DNI

warnings: flashing images, NSFW content/sexual themes -> daddy kink, spanking

characters included: gojo satoru, nanami kento, getou suguru, toji fushiguro, jin itadori, sukuna ryomen

*general game notes/how to play

guide: the numbers correspond to the actions/relations below

Sugar Daddy

Lose your virginity to

Hate-fuck with

Has lewd fantasies about you

Possessive of you

Spanks you

Pleasures you the best

Baby Daddy

End up marrying

[acradelius]

Can I request some 049 x female Reader headcanons where the Reader is pregnant with 049’s child?

"We're Expecting! Don't Tell The O5 Council!"

Fandom: Secure. Contain. Protect. (SCP)

Pairing: SCP-049 ("Doctor") x Female! Researcher! Reader

Rating: Lime [🟢] - (Equivalent to PG-13)

Warnings/Mention Ofs: Human! Reader, Researcher! Reader, Human x SCP, Human x SCP Relationship, AFAB! Reader, Female Pronouns Used For Reader, Unexpected Pregnancy, Most Likely Post! Contaiment Breach, Slightly Overprotective Doctor, Very Involved Parental! Doctor, Internally "Paranoid"! Doctor, Limited "Normal" Pregnancy Customs.

Word Count: 873 Words

If you'd like to be tagged for all posts, certain fandom posts, or certain character posts then feel free to message me!

There wasn’t much doubt that amongst the scale of ‘Definitely Not Human-Like’ to ‘As Human As Could Possibly Be, But Still Not Actually Human’, Doctor was more so teetering towards the edge of being more human-like than majority of the other S.C.P. beings that were also residing within the containment site, even still after the initial breach. That didn’t stop the researcher, (Y/N), from initiating a relationship with the Doctor, and eventually it became as intimate as it possibly could have. Despite that intimacy, there wasn’t necessarily ever a thought that a pregnancy between Doctor and (Y/N) could possibly happen, at least until viewing the results of the pregnancy tests that (Y/N) had taken. While there was some initial anxiety when it came to telling Doctor, he was actually pretty excited about the news! 

While within the early stages of their relationship Doctor had respected (Y/N)’s boundaries for space and privacy, now that she’s carrying their child, there’s not really such a thing as space and privacy anymore. (Y/N) couldn’t even make the five steps from Doctor’s desk to the bathroom within his laboratory without him jumping up to assist her. “Are you doing well, Chère? Do you need any assistance? Is there anything concerning the baby?” With that being said, the security around the laboratory is increased as well. There’s also more reanimated subjects that are placed around the laboratory, and even the most common places that (Y/N) typically ventures to and from, for an extra form of protection. It had gotten to the point that Doctor had to venture through the site looking for something, but didn’t want to disturb (Y/N) from their nap, so he had one of the subjects lay in the bed with her for protection.

Doctor is absolutely involved with the baby, ever since the moment that (Y/N) had revealed to him that she was pregnant with his child. He would spend literal hours just reading out loud to her and the child, whether it be his own research papers, random magazine pages found strewn across hallway floors, or would even spend time reading the files based on his other S.C.P. companions. It’s the same thing when it comes to listening to music, even if it’s various languages that (Y/N)’s unfamiliar with or hasn’t even heard of before. Doctor swears that while he hasn’t had any children before, that he’s done his fair share of research when it comes to pregnancies and even early childhood education, though (Y/N) is a bit unsure since it’s been quite some time since Doctor has been within the general public, especially in today’s day and age. He claims that it’s critical, and a long term benefit, that a developing baby experiences these things.

This pregnancy is definitely something more than just a generic pregnancy for Doctor, but he’s not going to make that known to (Y/N) unless he absolutely has to. As stated above, he’s never had a child before, and hasn’t came across anyone else like himself, so he’s unaware of what to actually expect when it comes to someone like him having a child within someone such as her. He’s not just monitoring the basic and typical pregnancy symptoms and such when it comes to watching over his beloved and her pregnancy. Secretly, he’s also monitoring for any abnormalities, anything that could end up becoming alarming or dangerous for (Y/N) or the baby, and even both. He doesn’t want to lose either of them, and therefore he would rather be able to take the risk of doing this part of the monitoring in secret if that means making sure that (Y/N) and their baby is doing well. While he was alone for the majority of his life before she had come along, Doctor isn’t sure if he would be able to continue on if he was to lose her.

Whenever (Y/N)’s due date, or at least an estimate of when the due date would be, there’s only a certain few other S.C.P. beings that Doctor is comfortable with her being around, even if she’s interacted with them for quite some time before the initial breach. He doesn’t want to take any chances with something happening to (Y/N) or the baby, especially with how sporadic and violent some of them can be. He only wants those that he can absolutely trust to be around them, at least at first, those that he knows will also do their best to make sure that things are going smoothly and stress-free. (Y/N) mentioned how this was slightly unfair once and therefore (Y/N) was only allowed to interact with who he didn’t deem safe enough through the intercom to his laboratory, or writing to each other with erasable markers on the window. This even means creating a whole different room or section of the site that Doctor’s located within to treat his “patients”, as he wants to make sure that the environment is going to be safe and sterile, or as sterile as it can be, for a safe, healthy delivery of his beloved little baby to be.

[kd-heart]

Fandom: Venom (Movie 2018), Venom (Marvel Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Eddie Brock/Venom Symbiote, Eddie Brock/Anne Weying/Dan Lewis/Venom Symbiote Characters: Eddie Brock, Eddie Brock | Venom, Venom Symbiote (Marvel), Anne Weying, Dan Lewis (Venom 2018), Flash Thompson (cameo), Reed Richards (cameo), Andrea Benton (cameo) Additional Tags: Podfic, Podfic Length: 45-60 Minutes, Sound Effects, Universe Crossover, Multiverse, The Maker Ruined EVERYTHING, Sony!Eddie and 616!Eddie meet, chaos ensues but not really, One Too Many Eddies, (and one too many Venoms), Eddie Brock in Crisis, canon character death mention, post-"Rex" arc in 616, post-Carnage in Sonyverse, Not Canon Compliant, Friendship, Anne and Dan are WONDERFUL, The Author Regrets Nothing, Crack Crossover Summary:

Separated from his symbiote other by the Maker, the other half of Venom now lost in a parallel universe unknown, Eddie Brock enlists the help of a couple old allies to try and track down his weakened and alone partner. But the moment Eddie steps through the portal, he's faced with a San Francisco he knows... and doesn't know.

Eddie knew there were other "Venom"s out there in the world. This one shares his name and his former profession, but not much else. Or maybe they have more in common than they originally thought (or wanted to think).

(a Marvel comics 616 / Sony Venom crossover, except literally crossing over into another universe)

[A recording of a fic by @kitausuret​]

[colorfullyminded]

Naughty/Dumb Pinescone Mini Fic Idea

This is so dumb! But it made me laugh, and I wanted to share with others and also just-- see how I should end it. So the idea: ---- Wendy and the teens joking that Wirt is Submissive and breedable (yes i was thinking of that friend's art) and they ask Dipper what he thinks, being he's Wirt's boyfriend and knows him the most intimately.

And Dipper is like "I mean…kind of. You are a pushover babe. And you're a sweetheart-- you totally give off that vibe"

And Wirt is all offended and huffy, like, "Im getting a drink."

Dipper: Get one for me too?

Wirt: (Immediately folding like a house of cards) Yes, dear.

Wendy: Told you!

Wirt shoots her a flustered glare, and walks off. When he comes back with the drinks, he hands Dipper his while leaning in his ear

"We'll see who's submissive and breedable tonight" ---

That's the idea. Now what I want to ask is-- if I were to write it, should I end it with more of a fade to black; a salacious tease for the reader's to wonder. Or, would people want me to include the later that night scene. I genuinely would like to know what sounds fun. Are we looking at a T+/M rated, or are we looking at E for this one?

[daphnejane]

Well, hello there! It's been a while, and this piece in particular has been 6 months in the making. Well, I created the doc 6 months ago, but you could say it's been on the table since September of 2021, when I posted I Finally Love This Town, the keystone to my Lightning Strike series. May I present:

Bouncing Joy, Tender Heartbreak

Fandom: Bridgerton

Pairing: Colin/Penelope

Rating: M

Words: 7.6k

Tags: modern AU, mild sexual content, light angst, Colin's POV

Summary:

Colin and Penelope have been growing closer, but what happens when things start looking a little too real?

OR

Why did Colin run out on Penelope and what the hell was he doing all that time?

Snippet!

Colin looked up at the sound of a key turning in the lock, smiling as Penelope shuffled in the door. He closed his laptop, pushed back his chair, and waited for her to acknowledge him. He’d been editing his journals for hours; her homecoming was the perfect opportunity for a break. She dropped her bag on the table and kicked off her shoes, sighing heavily. “Everything okay?” he asked. Penelope tossed her hair back and glanced over at the dinette, finally noticing his presence. “Yes and no. Mostly a lot of small annoyances, like spilling my tea and failing to catch the lift three times in a row and getting so lost in my notes that I missed my stop on the Tube and had to double back and then getting caught in the rain without an umbrella—as if I haven’t lived in London my entire life! But nothing major, I suppose. Just glad to be home.” She unbuttoned her sweater, and he noticed the tea-colored splash across her pale blouse. “I’m going to change.” Colin reached out to gently grab her wrist on her way past the table. He tipped his chin up for a kiss; her eyes flicked toward Eloise’s door. He grinned. “It’s safe. El’s gone to spend the weekend with Phillip. Come now, I promise you’ll feel better.” Colin puckered his lips expectantly. Penelope huffed a laugh but bent down to meet him. She squealed in surprise when he drew her into his lap, and he quickly claimed her mouth once more. She threw an arm around his neck, matching his hunger—until his stomach grumbled loudly. Pen broke their kiss with a giggle. “Alright, let me get my blouse in the sink to soak, and you get the takeaway menus. I hope I can get this stain out…”

Continue reading on AO3.

[tewwor]

moan~ [alta for nanami >:3]

send "moan~" for my muse to call out your muse's name while pleasuring themselves ( Always accepting ) — @harerazor

Things start off pitch black, but some noise feeds through the video. There's the discernible rustling of fabric to hint at movement. Some muffled conversation that starts to bleed filter in rather hushed tones.

"Ready?" One voice asks, worn on the scratchier side — deep with a lazy-like quality.

There's more sounds of shifting around before another voice pitches in, just as low but a touch breathier. "Mm.."

"Words, Nanamin. Use your words."

"Yes. Yes, I'm.. Ready."

"Good man—" Voice one says, clearly teasing despite the cut off from a barely audible grumble.

Light finally reaches the frame; the focus entirely blurred. From this angle, only three-fourths of a body's shown. Two taps and it clears completely. Brings the half propped figure of Kento fully into focus with cheeks a light pink and eyes already softened with want. The front of his robin blue button up’s undone. There’s no undershirt. Only the long column of sun kissed skin from chest to toned belly. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the brown suspenders, the entire thing probably would’ve been shucked ages ago.

"So I got a call..." It's not the flushed man that speaks. No, a sprig of raven soft hair, hooded eyes, and only half of Hiromi's nose suddenly pops into view instead. "—saying some pipe needed to be laid— ow." There's a sudden tilt, like the phone's almost dropped before it’s pointed at the floor. "Why are you kicking me? Have to set the sce— ouch, okay. Okay. Talk about impatient…"

“This was your idea. I could’ve been—”

The camera’s brought back to Kento. A touch of irritation pinches between the brows, but the thought isn't finished. Seems like being filmed makes him more … Reserved. “Could’ve what?” Hiromi asks, voice dipping into a syrupy sweet lilt. Not completely relentless and pushy, but rather encouraging — kind, almost. “Don’t be shy, Nanamin. Come on, we all know Alta appreciates a good story.”

That pink flush deepens and tints the tip of Kento’s ears. Eyes avert from the camera and the barest flash of teeth snags on the lower lip. He’s thinking, weighing his options against the undeniable truth Hiromi presents.

Apparently, it takes way too long.

The view shifts again, further back this time. There’s a loud snap as the phone’s set onto a tripod, and Hiromi comes into view in the usual attire of white button down and black slacks. A wink’s spared at the camera before he turns around completely. Crawls his way into bed with the aim to see what’s bothering Kento. As if he didn’t know. As if he wasn’t a part of the issue.

“Hey, look at me.” Hiromi’s hand guides the other man’s face by the chin until they lock eyes. “Don’t even think about the phone. Just remind me about what you were talking about before.” He chases the suggestion by bridging the gap and kisses him soundly on the lips; the noise of it purposely audible to make up for the way his own face is obscured. Only Kento’s is seen in the frame. His features slowly changes from flustered to something more relaxed, more heated. “Theeere we go…” He murmurs, delighting in the way Kento regards him now. Gaze nearly as dark as his own, mouth still parted and spit slick. It’s almost as if he could be eaten whole by look alone.

The sound of a belt buckle clinks as Hiromi skims a hand along the lower abdomen. “If memory serves me right… You were saying something about a dream?” Long fingers dig beneath the elastic waistband and teases along the confined length. Touch feather light, not yet cupping or gripping, but simply present.

“Hiro…” Kento’s voice rasps as a hand reaches to clasp around the lawyer’s neck. A point of contact to anchor himself with in trade of keeping his hips painfully still.

“Ah— wasn’t about me, was it? Just you and.. Who, again?”

Half a groan cracks when Hiromi finally, finally takes a hold of his cock. Hooks it out from the briefs and lets it spring into cool air. One languid pump of that hand and he’s shaking a breath out, somehow retaining the wherewithal to let a name snag on the tailend. “Alta..”

Hiromi lets out a quiet hum of approval. Even rewards him with another stroke, this time a fraction quicker. Another breathy moan comes and he lets a smirk slip. Almost chuckles from the way Kento’s fingers tighten at the base of his neck. “And what were you two doing?”

“Fucking.” Kento’s throat clicks with the next dry swallow. His restraint’s worn too thin, already pulled taut by the relentless teasing off screen. Hips buck without thought and, to his dismay, Hiromi’s hand stills completely.

“Details, please,” Hiromi requests, far too polite and patient.

Something between a swear and grunt upends itself from the back of Kento’s throat. His head falls back and paints him the very picture of exasperated. “I was fucking Alta.” There, better?

No, not quite.

Hiromi’s hand barely resumes its previous motion, and he nearly takes matters into his own hands. It’d be easy to turn the damn camera off and wipe away that ever present smirk. But no. Kento balls his hands into fists among the unmade sheets and pushes out a hard breath through the nose. “Had them spread out on their back…” The pace picks up to a crawl with the occasional palming around the leaking tip. “Legs were wrapped around me.. My hand around their neck the way they like it—” A small throaty moan escapes as Hiromi strokes him faster, firmer. “They were.. Talking shit, goading me on while I— fuck, fucked them into the bed.”

“Wow, it’s almost like I’m there.” Words still caught in that awful monotonous drag, Hiromi offers a fleet of open mouthed kisses along the other man’s exposed neck. Only stopping short near the cut of his jaw with a nick of his teeth. Then he’s pulling away all together. Splits from a very confused, if not horribly frustrated, Kento and off the bed entirely. “Sorry, but the rest’s behind a paywall,” he address the camera while crossing the room in two strides. “Like and subscribe or whatever people say— I’ll keep him warm for you until you get back.” One more cheeky wink and the video’s cut.

[jplupine]

What if I told y'all I have WIP art of Zebra from Toriko giving head

I can't be the only one here thirsty for Zebra 🫣

[acradelius]

So can you please do young justice miss martian and Artemis (seperate) X GN Reader who's Lobo's kid who's a hero and when Lobo finds out Reader is dating he kidnaps them and leaves a note on where to find him and he does the parent interrogation on them and he approves of them in the end and releases them

"Sorry, Apparently My Dad's Overprotective."

Fandom: Young Justice

Pairings: Artemis Crock x Gender Neutral! Reader, Miss Martian ("M'Gann M'orzz") x Gender Neutral! Reader

Rating: Lime [🟢] - (Equivalent to PG-13)

Warnings/Mention Ofs: General Neutral! Reader, They/Them Pronouns For Reader, Alien x Alien Relationship, Alien x Human Relationship, Unmentioned - Reader Is An Adult, Reader Technically A "Good Guy" Despite Loba's History, Fake Kidnapping, Parent Interrogation, "Good Intentions" Interrogations, Loba Threatening Reader's Partner As A "Parental Warning".

Word Count: 1,353 Words

Notes: It's been quite some time since I've actually watched Young Justice again, so these characters are probably OOC. My apologies.

If you want to be tagged for all posts, for certain fandoms, or certain characters then feel free to message me!

There wasn’t no doubt that “The Main Man” was nothing less than a ruthless alien bounty hunter. How he would happily oblige when told by those who hired him for his missions to “put on a show for the locals”, recklessly making his way through anything that happens to stand in his way, completing his missions with maybe just some scratches. An indestructible killing machine with absolutely no weakness, at least without being dismembered, but even then that doesn’t do much but buy people maybe a couple of months without his presence. Yet, there was one thing that he considered to be his weakness, not that he would just openly state what it was to everyone he came across but it was his own child, his own offspring: (Y/N).

Whenever the conversation had come about and (Y/N) had expressed their interest about wanting to stay upon Earth for the time being, despite being hesitant about the decision, Lobo had agreed. Upon discovering during one of his own bounties that his child had joined what was known as “The Team”, which was a group of young superheroes that were assigned to undertake covert missions on behalf of the Justice League, he was also hesitant about their decision, but decided to support them either way and they exchanged a nod of acknowledgement and understanding. (Y/N) was beginning to finally grow into their own individual as they departed from their father’s side and began to make their own decisions and choices, to finally forge their own path in life. Lobo couldn’t say anything else besides that he was proud and ultimately excited to see where (Y/N)’s choices would take them in life. Yet, that was until Lobo had discovered that they were in a relationship with another member of the team, and those paternal instincts within him knew that he had to take action.

Artemis Crock:

They had been planning this date for ages now, probably a couple of weeks to a month now. A chance for the both of them to get away from the busy things that kept them occupied within life. For (Y/N) to be able to take a breather from taking on countless missions with the Team, while Artemis would be able to take a break from grading countless literature essays from her teaching classes at Royal University. Yet, when it’s now about thirty minutes past the time that they were supposed to meet up and no communication from (Y/N) stating that they were going to be late, Artemis is becoming slightly worried and slightly on edge. Are they okay? Did something happen to them? It was only some of her answers being resolved once she had made it to (Y/N)’s place of residence and finding the piece of paper left by Lobo stating a location for Artemis to meet him at.

Upon reaching the destination from the note, Artemis is firsthand met with a seemingly pouting (Y/N). Arms crossed while slight annoyance had overtaken their features, that was until they had caught sight of Artemis. “State your business with my child, human.” Lobo’s voice overcomes any other noises in the area, his dark red eyes piercing into Artemis, muscular arms crossed over his chest in an attempt to make himself more menacing. Artemis raises a slight eyebrow in confusion before leaning over slightly to glance over at (Y/N), who has slowly made their way closer to both Artemis and Lobo. “He means that he wants to know your intentions of being with me, revolving around our relationship.” Artemis is almost insulted at hearing that Lobo is questioning Artemis’s intentions with being in a relationship with (Y/N), sort of speaking, and her hands immediately go to land on her hips.

It’s something like an intense staredown between their partner and their father, something similar to those showdown scenes within those old wild west films. (Y/N)’s waiting patiently, seeing who would be the first one to break between the both of them. “You don’t believe that I have what it takes to love (Y/N)? To be able to make sure that they’re happy and taken care of while you go galavanting along throughout the galaxy?” Upon hearing Artemis’s remark in response to him questioning her intentions with (Y/N), Lobo’s eyes widened in not only surprise, but amusement as well. “Well, quite the amusing one, aren’t you, human? ..but, straight-up, brutal honesty..” A soft chuckle leaves Lobo’s lips as he proceeds to turn back to glance at (Y/N), who has a flustered blush upon their face while they stand there almost nervously at what this outcome could be. “Oh, don’t you fret, little one. Your partner gets to live to see another day with you.. But, you make sure that you let me know if this puny human even lays a finger on you wrongly and I will crush them into a pulp.”

M’Gann M'orzz:

It was the actuality that they were both extraterrestrial individuals still adjusting to the quite numerous customs and cultures of that on Earth that had caused M’Gann and (Y/N) to have been brought together. (Y/N) having spent many days assisting M’Gann cook various goods or secretly watching reruns of that show she had based her original appearance on, M’Gann having spent many days watch as (Y/N) would vigorously train just to pass time or spending countless hours talking about the places that them and their father had visited during his bounties, leaving out the parts about how their father slaughtered countless lives. The similarities that the two individuals have grows into a close friendship, which soon results into a romantic relationship with one another. Overall, things were going quite well between M’Gann and (Y/N). Yet, with all good things there’s typically a bad thing that comes along with them. What was supposed to be a relaxing evening after return from a mission turns around to be a moment of panic as M’Gann comes upon the destruction of the headquarters of Mount Justice, and a note that had been left by Lobo stating M’Gann meet him at a location if she ever wanted to see (Y/N) again.

While she’s expecting a full blown retaliation and fight from Lobo, M’Gann is actually surprised to find that it’s just Lobo and (Y/N), and they are currently arguing with each other. She has to take a moment to process the scene in front of her before she starts giggling softly which captures the attention of the arguing duo. “Oh, M’Gann! Thank goodness you’re here! Can you tell me dad that we are perfectly fine and you’re not planning on probing me or sucking my brains out through a straw?” She couldn’t help but to begin busting out in laughter, knowing that (Y/N) must’ve been referencing those old, classic rumors about what extraterrestrials would do to humans after abducting them. Floating on over, she proceeds to take a gentle hold of (Y/N)’s hands, giving a sincere smile while glancing over at Lobo. “I can guarantee that us Martians don’t particularly participate in.. those peculiar rumors.

It doesn’t necessarily take much time to clear up the confusion and rumors from the conversations, Lobo explaining that he essentially had kidnapped his own offspring once finding out that they were in a relationship to figure out what M’Gann’s true intentions of being with (Y/N) were. “Don’t you worry, Sir.. I promise you that my intentions are pure and true, and that I’ll make sure to take care of them as they take care of me.” A moment of silence overcomes the three as they stand there, (Y/N) ultimately waiting for a response of approval, hopefully, or what would be another argument between father and child. “Fine then,” Lobo finally states, turning his head slightly to glance at (Y/N), giving a nod of approval. “I’ll accept that for now, but you hurt even one strand of hair on their head, and you’ll be hoping that I make it quick for you.”

[confessanronpa]

Kokichi uses Shuichi`s cum as toothpaste.

ngl... i can somewhat see that.... perchance,,,,,,,

[enlighten3d]

i may be overthinking this, but parrots hesitance to admit his allegiance with the clown hunters is fascinating to me. he tells wifies to stay behind, and he goes to the only team that he knows will help him even though he burnt his ties with them. intentionally.

WHY?

BECAUSE LAST TIME HE GOT CLOSE TO SOMEONE (wifies) IT FUCKED THEM OVERR. WIFIES GOT CHUNKBANNED BCS OF HIM.A ND HE DOESNT WANT HIS ATTACHMENTS TO GET USED AGAINST HIM OR FOR THEM TO GET HURT BCS OF HIMM

so hes hesitant to tell the clown hunters that hes with them. that he needs them. he doesnt want to admit that he hurt them by calling them weak because he did that INTENTIONALLY SO THEY DONT GET EVEN MORE HURT. but now hes back either way because he cant do this on his own, and even he knows that. but hes still hesitant. admitting his wrongs would mean rebuilding that connection BEYOND a barely-working relationship, which is Dangerous

and wifies is still left behind because he matters too much to parrot.

at least, thats how i see all of this lol

[miiilowo]

lime flavored candy is literally the best shit on planet fucking earth. why did these sick fucks think green apple would be the better alternative to LIME as the green flavor???? green apple? fucking green apple? versus lime. the most refreshing artificial flavor to grace this godforsaken planet. the last divine thing humanity ever received was lime flavored candy and at the rate we're going we're never gonna get anything this good ever again because you people squandered it. by favoring GREEN APPLE

[himbosandhardwear]

Steddie I 2.1k I different first meeting I modern au I one sided enemies to lovers I rated T

“I mean, if looking like a dyke is the goal, you're nailing it,” Steve tells Robin as she holds the phone back to showcase her date outfit. “Change the belt, I think-”

He hears a throat clear behind him and spins around to find Eddie the bar manager standing behind him, a blank face and closed off body language.

“Shit,” he mumbles. “Rob, I have to go. I'll text you after work.” He hangs up on her and stuffs his phone into his back pocket. “Sorry about that. Hi, you must be Eddie.” He holds out his hand to shake but Eddie just looks at it. He lowers it, the sting of rejection biting low in his stomach. “Um. Harvey said you just got back from a tour? That's cool.”

“Mmhmm.” He sniffs. “You're on garnish duty,” he says, cold and succinct, before turning away.

It's only Steve's third day behind the bar but he'd been slinging drinks with Rachel the night before. Barback duties are beneath him, he's got six years bartending experience. He doesn't want to complain though, not to Eddie who hated him on sight, and not during his first week.

They stay out of each other's way for the first half of the night, Steve relegated to the back, slicing limes and making the pre-mixes.

He's not used to being hated so thoroughly like this. Eddie hasn't uttered a word directly to Steve since sending him to the back, but he catches Eddie's eye a few times and it's like ice water down his back. The people-pleasing little boy in him wants to cry but he's a grown fucking man, he's not going to let this bother him. Just because he was looking forward to meeting Eddie, wanted to make a friend here, wanted to get to know the guy who managed the bar when he wasn't shredding across the country. Maybe if the owner hadn't talked Eddie up like he was the next Chris Martin…or whoever the metal equivalent of that would be. And, yeah, he'd seen the photos of Eddie, the Polaroids behind the bar of him with staff and guests, and thought he was stupid hot, with his tangled curls and the dimples, and maybe he'd had some inappropriate thoughts about his in absentia boss, and maybe he'd fantasized about flirting at the end of the night, and maybe-

Anyway, it's all good. Eddie doesn't owe him kindness or friendship or a single dimpled smile. Sometimes people just don't get along and that's okay.

“Your Fernet,” he mumbles as he sets the bottle at Eddie's elbow, head down like a dog that's used to booted feet. He feels like an idiot but Eddie's frosty demeanor feels like it's balanced on a knife's edge, like he could tip over into a blazing explosion if Steve says or does the wrong thing.

Eddie doesn't thank him, just snatches the bottle and walks away.

“You're welcome,” he snarks under his breath after Eddie's well away.

“Can I get a rum and coke?” A guy asks over the counter.

Steve hesitates. He's not welcome at the bar, Eddie has made that abundantly clear, but he wasn't hired as a barback, he's a bartender, so he smiles at the guy and starts making the drink. Eddie is busy at the other end of the bar anyway.

“You're new,” the guy says, making conversation as Steve works.

“Yeah, it's my first week.”

“You liking it so far?”

Steve glances down the bar, watching Eddie shake a cocktail like he's fucking Tom Cruise or something. His face lights up at something the woman he's talking to says and the crack of his laugh travels the length of the bar, punching Steve right in the stomach. His dimples are really something to see in motion.

“Jesus Christ, I wanna wrap you in tinsel.”

Steve whips his head back around. “Huh?”

The guy chuckles. “Because you're pining so hard. Get it? Pine-ing.”

Well shit. He deflates. “That obvious, huh?”

The guy accepts his drink with a shrug. “Maybe not to everyone but to a…certain demographic…” He gives Steve a little limp wristed wave, which makes Steve crack a laugh.

“I'm Steve, by the way,” he holds out his hand, which the guy takes easily, unlike some people.

“Cary, like Cary Grant.”

“Or Cary Elwes.”

“Exactly.” He leans a ways over the bar and mumbles, “Don't look but your boy is watching us.”

Steve forces his body to not stiffen up. “Does he look mad?”

“No. Confused if anything. Pretend like I just said the funniest thing you've ever heard.”

Steve, always down for shenanigans, tips his head back and fakes the loudest howl he can without being too over the top.

“Oh, you're good. He's got his eye on you, doll. Make the most of it.”

Steve leans into the shared space, eyes half-lidded. “I hope he's seething with jealousy. He could've had me six ways from Sunday but instead he decided to hate my guts at first sight.”

“What an absolute dumbass.” Cary reaches up and taps Steve's collarbone. “If I wasn't already taken, and you weren't pining like a Christmas tree, we could've ridden into the sunset together.”

“If only,” Steve agrees with a soft laugh.

“We're out of Matcha.”

Steve jumps out of his skin. Eddie is standing three inches from Steve's side, eyes burning into him like he just caught Steve keying his car.

“Make your own Matcha,” Cary snarks, “Steve and I are getting to know one another.”

Without breaking eye contact with Steve, he growls, “I think Tony, your fiance, would prefer it if Steve made the Matcha.”

Chills run down Steve's back and arms but he maintains composure. “On it, boss.”

He slips out from under Eddie's gaze, finger waving to Cary on his way back to the kitchen. He can hear Eddie chastising but he chooses to ignore him in favor of hyperventilating in the walk-in.

“What the fuck.”

Eyes like black flames, licking up the side of Steve's neck. Collarbones raising and lowering in the light of the bar as his chest moved with each breath. Hands clenched at his sides, white knuckled.

That wasn't cold at all.

He moves on autopilot for the rest of his shift. Eddie doesn't talk to him again but Steve can feel his eyes on the back of his neck, raising the hairs and keeping him from forgetting Eddie’s existence.

Towards the end of his shift, just before midnight, he hears Robin calling his name from the bar. He comes out of the kitchen, happy to see her waving him over, excited to introduce her date. He probably shouldn't encourage this behavior, it's his first week after all, but the restaurant is closing and the bar is empty.

“Hey, you must be Chrissy,” he greets the petite woman at Robin's side, takes her tiny hand in his and gives it a firm shake. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Same! I couldn't believe it when Robin said you'd just started here. Like, it's a crazy coincidence.”

He cocks his head but before he can ask, Eddie comes bounding over from the other side of the bar and lifts Chrissy up off her stool, swinging her in a circle while she shrieks with laughter.

“Apparently Eddie is her best friend,” Rob fills him in, sort of unnecessary at this point. Steve wouldn't have been able to imagine Eddie looking so happy, he'd been so sour faced all night. Even when he'd been laughing with the customer earlier, it was only a fraction of this.

“Tell me everything,” Chrissy is saying after he puts her down. “Last I heard you loved Cleveland and hated Boston, which I maintain is insane.”

“And I maintain you didn't have to navigate the Boston roadways with Boston drivers,” Eddie argues, still grinning. “But it was great. Exhausting but…yeah, fucking awesome.”

“I'm so proud of you, Eds. You deserve it.”

He actually fucking blushes, which is devastating to Steve's crush. Just devastating.

“Shut up,” he mumbles. “Oh, sorry, you must be Robin. Thanks for bringing Chris to see me.” He shakes her hand, not hating her on sight, Steve notes.

“No problem, but I didn't, she brought me here to see the Dingus.” At Eddie's confused look she throws a thumb back at Steve, who waves.

“Yeah, hi. Your best friend is dating my best friend. Sorry. Guess that means you're stuck with me.”

His frown doesn't abate with this explanation.

“Because they're lesbians. She's gonna have me helping her move into Chrissy’s place in, like, a week.”

“Shut up!” Robin reaches across the bar to slap the shit out of his arm and then tosses a lemon wedge at him when he jumps back out of swinging range. Chrissy giggles at them.

“Knock it off, I worked hard on those.” He picks the wedge up off the floor and tosses it into the trash. Three points.

When he looks back up, Eddie is staring at him, wide eyed.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Steve questions.

“Ohhh.” He presses his wrists into his eye sockets.

Steve looks at Robin and Chrissy in confusion but they're both as lost as him.

“I'm an asshole.” He hasn't removed his hands yet.

“Yes,” Chrissy agrees immediately, “what did you do, Eddie?”

He finally looks up at Steve, who takes a step back, involuntarily. They stare at one another for thirty seconds. Or two days. He's not sure.

“Eddie?” Chrissy prompts again.

“I-” He turns around and walks away.

Chrissy rushes after him and yanks him back. They get into a tug match, which Chrissy wins, somehow.

“I love her,” Robin mumbles.

“I fucking said. Less than a week.”

She slides a look his way, one that reads ‘Like you're any better.’ He shouldn't have told her about his plan to seduce his boss, who he hadn't even met yet.

“Whatever you did, you apologize right now,” Chrissy commands to a pouting Eddie.

Steve stands there, eyebrows up, as Eddie grumbles an apology that would do an eleven year old Dustin proud.

“What is happening right now?” He wonders aloud.

Eddie folds his arms across his chest, his black button down stretching across his shoulders beautifully. “I heard your conversation with Robin earlier. You said something about her looking like a dyke and…I made an assumption on the kind of person you were. And I was an asshole to you because of it. I'm sorry.”

“Oh,” Steve whispers in understanding. A weight lifts off his chest. “Fuck. That's hilarious.” He can't stop the giggles from erupting.

“Okay, in my defense, most straight guys don’t get a pass.”

Steve and Robin look at each other and crack up. He wants to ask what Eddie thinks was going on with Cary if he assumed Steve was straight but Robin shrieks, “You think I would hang out with a straight man!”

“Hey! You did hang out with me when I thought I was straight!”

She shakes her head like a smug asshole. “Debatable. You've always been a lil fruity. Tommy H? Whatever that was with Billy? C'mon.”

Steve takes a turn at slapping her. When he looks back up, he finds Eddie looking at him like a kid who just found coal in his stocking, dark eyes wet and bottom lip desperately trying not to pout.

“Holy shit, stop making that face,” Steve begs.

“I can't.”

Chrissy leans up on her knees, wobbling precariously on the stool, to physically push his lip back where it belongs. He smacks her hand away and then puts his own back up to his eyes, pushing hard.

“This is divine punishment. The universe sensed I was too happy so they sent you to test me. Big fat F, just like always,” he mumbles, nonsensically.

Steve looks to Chrissy to translate.

She puts a finger to her chin, looks between the two of them, and then concludes, “He thinks you're hot and that he ruined his chances by being a prick.”

“Chrissy!” Eddie's shriek puts Robin's to shame.

But he's not denying it.

Steve makes extremely pointed eye contact with Robin and says, “It's getting late. Eddie and I have to close the bar. You should see Chrissy home.”

She nods, slow and then quick, as the message lands.

“Yes! Yes, let's get going. Leave these guys to…close the bar.”

Smooth.

They giggle the entire way out the door but Steve ignores them. Eddie is staring again, dark eyes pinning him to the mirror behind the bar.

“I was going to ask earlier but I didn't think it was appropriate…”

Eddie swallows, throat bobbing. “Ask what?”

“What's the company policy on fraternization?”

As a former jock, Steve is thoroughly impressed by Eddie's form as he vaults the bar.

[cnidocyte-at-cnight]

So. Tell me about the dicks. Human? Nonhuman? What are we looking at here?

Jazakhza has a nonhuman dick in his manticore form and a humanoid dick in his humanoid form. Technically, as it's magic, he can have a nonhuman dick in his humanoid form too, but it would take a little tinkering with the glamour spell. His manticore dick is "barbed", but not sharp, more like little stiff nubbins along his length.

Alkimos is trans and while he hasn't had any surgical or magical procedures done on his genitalia, has had some bottom growth as a result of essentially alchemical HRT. More humanoid in sphinx form than Jazakhza is in manticore form, and basically human in humanoid form. Also, Alkimos has a minor collection of strap-ons because if you think Jazakhza doesn't like the occasional pegging, well...

[jplupine]

Idk what made this strike again but spicy Nishinoya thoughts have been plaguing me since last night 🥴

Thoughts mainly revolving around the fact that he didn't get a major growth spurt like other short characters have, so he's still a 5'3'' short king as a grown man but got buff-

Like that's supposed to be a MARLIN- a marlin that size probably weighs more than I do and he's holding it no big deal?? So all I can think about is how Nishinoya comes off as this sweet, adorable boyfriend people often underestimate due to his height, but behind closed doors, when he's in charge ['cause in this house we take turns 👏] he's carrying you, picking you up while hittin' it, using his strength to his full advantage-

And, by the gods, do NOT get me started on the flexibility and stamina he has from being a libero on top of that I will be foaming at the mouth feral

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

rate my dark lunch (home from work at 1 in the morning edition)

apple salad using leftover thai dips that came with my calamari as dressing (along with a spritz of lime), simmered carrots, tin of dolma (rice stuffed in grape leaves)