#REDNECK SOAP

[sai-int]

do you see what i see...

[heathermason6060]

Daryl Dixion x f!Reader Nsfw: Fingers in your Mouth

Warnings/Mentions: Oral, Daryl gets you off with his boot, gagging, throat fucking, he forces your mouth open

Summary: Your attitude and snarky remarks earns you a red face and watery eyes after Daryl accepts your challenge.

Notes: I love rough Daryl I love rough Daryl

Your attitude was going to get you killed, or worse. Or better. 

Yeah, this was a lot better. 

You weren't really a ‘brat’ per se, but there were times when people were acting so dramatic and over the top that it drove you to catching an attitude. 

Like back at the farm where Shane, Lori and Rick were having their melodramatic soap opera. You called them out on it, and got a lot of shitty looks. 

Or when Daryl would get overly grumpy and start pulling away from everyone. You called him out on that too. What you didn't know was that he was looking for a reason to go off, and you calling him a cliche lone wolf that needed to get laid was the perfect reason. 

“Need to get laid, huh? S'that what you think?” He laughed in your face, throwing his hands up for emphasis. 

You mocked him, tossing your arm like you were throwing a basketball in a hoop. “Nah, I know it. I know your type. Sleezy redneck who'd fuck any bitch that would give him the honor. Shit ain't so easy out here, and that's why you're treating me like a goddamn mosquito buzzin’ all up in your face.”

He watched you, his eyes following your hands as if he expected you to pull out a gun and start waving it around. He hung his crossbow over his shoulder and folded his arms as you spoke, nodding like he was actually paying attention.

“Ya' done?”

You laughed and rolled your eyes. “Go get your dick sucked. Better yet, go fuck that redhead that lives across the street.” You referred to the Alexandrian resident, the one who had been drooling over Rick, Daryl, and Abraham the day you all arrived. 

“I got a better idea.” 

He snickered at that, and started unbuckling his belt.

You narrowed your eyes and tilted your head, your hands immediately going to rest on your hips. “What? Gonna go on a week-long hunting trip and come back even more of an asshole? Speak to the trees?”

Your eyes widened. 

“Woah, dude.” The laugh that came from your mouth was dry and anxious. You held your hands in front of you, palms out in surrender. “Wasn't serious.”

“Nah, I think you were.” He slipped the leather through the buckle, and began walking towards you. “Melissa's at home. Don't feel like walkin’ all that much for a shitty blow job from that dumb bitch.”

“So you'll walk three feet for a shitty blow job from a not dumb bitch?” You swallowed hard, glancing over your shoulder at the outer walls behind you.

Maybe you shouldn't have followed Daryl out of Alexandria to bitch at him for leaving the shower a muddy mess. 

Now he was in front of you, working on the button of his jeans. 

You didn't want to seem like some desperate whore, but fuck, it had been a real long time for you too. Last time you saw a dick was when you caught Merle pissing on the side of the prison while you were on watchtower duty. That was... what, seven months ago? You had no fucking idea. 

“C'mon then. Make me feel better.” His voice was low then, the same tone he'd use when challenging someone. Daring someone. 

You shifted your feet, watching as he didn't go any further than unzipping his jeans. 

Oh.

Your heart sped up when you came to the realization that he was fucking with you, he didn't actually expect you to suck his dick. He was trying to make you uncomfortable, get you off his back so he could go back to brooding in the woods. 

Your lips spread into a smile, and you took one last glance over your shoulder before bending your knees and kneeling in front of him. 

You grabbed onto the hem of his boxers and pulled them down, watching as his dick, semi hard, rolled out. 

Above you he grunted, obviously taken aback by your actions. He was stiff, almost paralyzed in shock as you grabbed onto his dick and gave him a few long strokes. 

You looked up at him, a shit eating grin on your lips. “Look at that.” His dick was already hard as a rock. All it took was a few lazy strokes. “Didn't think you'd be so easy.”

You wiped the grin from his face the second you got your tongue on him. He choked on his own breath, grabbing your hair as he fought to keep standing. 

Finally he reacted, his eyebrows raising and a grin of disbelief on his face. You knew what he was thinking. ‘Says you’. Says the one about to suck his dick five seconds after he jokingly told you to. 

When you started taking his dick in your mouth, he lost the fight. He pulled away and walked a few steps backwards until he bumped into a tree, and only then did he finally slump towards the ground. 

He raised a shaky hand and beckoned you forward with a curled finger. 

Your heart leapt up into your throat and you had to force yourself to walk forward calmly, and not trip over the numerous branches and twigs littering the forest floor. 

It was hard to act calm seeing Daryl slumped against the base of a tree with his cock out. And he had this look on his face, rather, his eyes. Slightly narrowed with his head tilted back, watching you through his lashes as you approached him. 

They were the sexiest bedroom eyes you'd seen in your entire life. 

You crouched in front of him between his spread knees and reached out to grab his cock again. All the confidence you had a few moments earlier was completely gone, drained from your body the second he looked at you with that darkened expression. 

His knee jerked ever so slightly when you hunched over to take him in your mouth. It was cute, the way he was so responsive to you. If you weren't so turned on (and intimidated) you'd find it endearing. 

You did your best to make him squirm and moan, sucking the tip of his dick with as much pressure as you could manage, swirling your tongue around the head, using your other hand to massage his balls, and it worked.

Confidence was slowly building back up inside you the more you heard him sigh and gasp. That was until you saw his right leg slide up, and felt the tip of his boot between your thighs. 

You gasped through your nose, your jaw quivering around him. 

“Easy, hmm?” He breathed, a hand reaching down to push your hair from his face. The boot thing was unintentional, just an accident. But now that he'd seen you react to it, it was his top priority before cumming down your throat. 

Making you squirm and moan.

You tried to clench your thighs shut, maybe slide down onto your stomach, but that was foolish. A stupid idea. He was wearing steel toed boots and he simply nudged your knees apart, the tip once again sliding against your jean covered cunt. 

The moan that vibrated around his length was filthy, you couldn't help it. You also couldn't help pushing your hips down, and the second moan that came after the feeling of pressure against your clit. 

Suddenly, his boot applied a little too much pressure. You gasped through your nose again, and without even meaning to, grazed your teeth along the head of his dick. 

He cursed, his body jerking up and his hands balling up fistfuls of your hair. 

You popped your mouth off of him, shooting him a glare. “I didn't mean to. You were being too rough.”

“Don't, don't fuckin’ do that.” He hissed, using the grip he had on your hair to give you a rough yank. His version of punishment. 

His eyebrows raised, and his thumb gathered the bit of drool you had on your bottom lip. “You never stop bitchin’, even with a dick in your mouth.”

You scoffed, and did something you shouldn't have. 

You lowered your head back down, and grazed your teeth along his shaft, pulling your lips back in a playful sneer.

He didn't like that, and he sat up straighter. 

His thumb went from your bottom lip to your mouth, shoving all the way back to your molars. He shifted it sideways and slanted, forcing your mouth to stay open, and slipped his dick back in your mouth. 

With his other hand he tightened his grip on your hair and began moving your entire head up and down his length.

You wanted to pull off of him, call him a fucking asshole and tell him to jerk himself off, but his boot was rubbing against you again and much more gently than before. 

The grip he had on your hair wasn't something you could get out of, even if you really wanted to. 

He was considerate at first, moving your head slow and not too low. Just enough to tease the back of your tongue. You'd gotten used to it, finding ways to make it more comfortable, even with his fingers prying your mouth open. 

Just as you'd worked up a routine, he snatched it away from you with a thrust of his pelvis. His tip hit the back of your throat and you gagged, your hands flying up to grab onto his hips to steady yourself. 

He allowed you a moment to breathe, and accept your fate, make any adjustments you might need to before he carried on.

“Like the sound of that.” He grunted, thrusting up and down your throat again. Spit dribbled out the sides of your mouth, bubbles bursting and tears forming in your eyes. “Lot better than your goddamn yappin'.”

You gagged again, feeling his dick slip dangerously deep down your throat. You inhaled deeply through your nose, trying to steady yourself, but his thrusts were relentless. 

“Wha’? Got nothin' to say? Not gonna bite me again? Go on, make my day.”

You weren't sure where this persona came from. It was extremely uncharacteristic of him, but truthfully, you didn't really know Daryl. And no one knew what he was like in bed. No one besides you, now. 

Maybe he was just on edge with all the drama happening in Alexandria. All the deaths and constant fighting. Maybe you were right and he did need his dick sucked, and maybe he already knew that. 

As if he thought you'd actually try to bite him again, he crammed in his index finger, sliding it beside his thumb to force your mouth open even wider. Your jaw ached, and so did your tongue, but there wasn't much you could do. You made your bed. 

The gagging got worse and more frequent the longer it went on. His grip on your hair was brutal, holding your head up in the air, hovering over his pelvis so he could fuck up into your mouth like it was his own fist, and not an actual human. The thought had your stomach flipping, and a muffled moan vibrated around his dick again. 

He groaned long and deep at the feeling. His boot snapped back to life, rubbing up and down against your jeans until your hips took over, grinding down on him to the point he didn't have to move it anymore. 

You were embarrassingly close already. It was mostly due to the fact that you were getting off on Daryl's fucking shoe, but also due to how rough and filthy he was being. 

You'd always thought he'd be the shy stoic kind of man when it came to sex, the same way he was normally. Not whatever sinful monster he was now. 

When you came, you gripped the belt loops of his pants and held on for dear life. Your orgasm was brutal, bulldozing out of your core and sending shockwaves up your torso, buzzing down to your sore clit. You groaned around his dick, grinding your hips down like an animal in heat, not even noticing the way Daryl had stopped moving completely. 

You took a moment to gasp, nearly choking on your spot, and once your shivers stopped, Daryl pulled your head back down, cramming his entire dick down your throat. 

You gagged around him, your throat spasming and clenching when you felt his cum dribble down it. You were both thankful you'd missed lunch, because that exact moment would've had the contents of your stomach on display all over his pants. 

The noises that came from his mouth made up for it. Good lord, they were beautiful. Breathy moans on the way up, and then a drawn out whine that caught in his throat, and he had to swallow hard, panting heavily before letting out that last trembling whimper. 

He drug his fingers out from between your teeth, leaving a thick drizzle of spit slapping against your chin and falling onto the crotch of his jeans. You practically yanked your head away from him, gasping for air and whimpering at the exhaustion shaking through your body. You were fucking shivering from the constant gagging, your abdomen having spasms of their own from fighting the urge to vomit bile. 

You'd never forget the sound of that. 

He looked almost guilty, looking at your poor face. Wet swollen lips, tears running down your red cheeks, your hair a complete mess and your mouth turned into an unintentional frown. 

“Shit.” He breathed, stuffing his dick back in his pants before taking a handkerchief from the pocket of his shirt to wipe your tears, and then the drool. “M'sorry, christ.”

“No, s’okay.” You slurred, your lips twitching into a lazy and satisfied grin. “Was hot. Really hot.”

“Yeah?” He raised his brows, his eyes narrowed in cautious hesitance. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, turning your head to the side as he wiped your jawline. 

He was silent as he took care of you, fixing your hair and offering you water. You could tell he still felt bad, which tugged at your heart. He'd done a complete one eighty after coming, it was sort of sweet. 

Your suggestion worked, that was for sure. 

You glanced down the end of the hall before looking at her, fighting away a smirk. You raised your hand, made a circle with your fingers and moved it towards your mouth in the unmistakable ‘blowjob’ movement. 

He didn't sulk so much the next few days. He actually had dinner with you and the others, which wasn't unusual, but the way he contributed to small talk was. He stayed in Alexandria for a week straight, not even going out to hunt. He was satisfied sticking around and helping out within the walls. 

“What'd you do?” Maggie whispered, her hand still on your wrist from pulling you aside after seeing Daryl laugh. Like, a genuine Daryl laugh. 

Her eyes widened and a laugh burst from her lips. Then her smile faded. “You're serious?”

“Yes.”

The two of you erupted into giggles, and she punched your shoulder playfully. You had to pretend that it didn't hurt. Heavy handed farmer's daughter. 

@ophelialaufey @carlgrimesgfofficial @theskinniestjackson-denny @dilfish-daydreams @my1fx @iloverocks @jinx-nanami

[ghostismybbygorl]

Here what i think the call of duty civvy clothes would be

Ghost

Definitely tech-ware style and he's a boujee motherfucker too. everyone thinks he's very plain and simple until he rolls up in the Balenciaga shoes and antisocial social club hoodie

Soap

👏🏻A👏🏻GRANOLA👏🏻HEAD👏🏻

He goes for comfort, flannels baggy pants he definitely the type to wear chacos with socks and pants

Gaz

I feel like he dress very indie and skater guy type vibes

Price

RUSTIC DAD CLOTHES

Laswell

She'd definitely be like chic mom style clothes. She likes to look goid but also be comfortable

Alejandro

SEXY COWBOY MOTHER FUCKERS AND I WONT CHANGE MY OPINION JUST HIM PULLIN UP IN THIS ATTIRE MY PANTIES ARE ON THE FLOOR

Rudy

He'd kinda dresses chill casual more for comfort than style

Graves

Just your average cardboard cutout of your southern redneck. And he only wears pit vipers

König

I see him as very cottage core vibes. He wears ugly sweaters that his grandma makes him and majority of his pants are corduroys that are short for him due to his height

horangi

He has a very sleek very professional style and of course he's got them red bottom dress shoes, a rolex, all the bougee shit

[sweetsmagoo192]

So i have this stupid little headcanon of soap and roach !!!!!!!!!!

uhmmmmm roach is american and blows up fireworks on the fourth of july and i like to think he is from the south and is like hella redneck so he blows up really big shit and i like to think that soap declares himself an honorary american and roach swears him in by making soap throw tea in the harbor and drink sweet tea ( this pisses ghost and price and makes gaz lose his shit ) Soap then talks in a horrible american accent for the rest of the day.

[moonriseoverkyoto]

That’s Where I’m from, Sweetheart

Synopsis So I’ve been tinkering with southern reader and everyone’s favorite Scot.

cw: none? Maybe one mention of blood, talk of strip poker, some playful but still threatening language (all is fair in love and war guys), just a teensy eeensy bit suggestive (if you don’t wanna see it, just scroll by it’s that easy.)

Pairing: southern(texas/Georgia fusion inspired)!medic!reader x John "Soap" MacTavish

Author’s note: literally doing this as a test but if nobody likes it I’ll still repost it. Anyways all inspo and motivation comes from @glossythor

©️moonriseoverkyoto 2023. please do not steal, copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my works without my permission. do not steal any elements of my theme without permission.

- Southern Medic!reader didn’t learn their tricks traditionally from med school, no in fact they aced their classes and almost graduated top of class.

- So when you were specifically invited to join the 141 in the field, you can imagine the look you received when you pulled up the flight deck in your low rise jeans, and a cowboy hat sitting on

- You can also imagine the peak curiosity you were going to withstand for the next few months on the mission

“Soap won’t be the only one with a tough accent around here anymore.” Announced Price as you walked into the room with a big smile only to be greeted by hardened eyes scanning you for your weaknesses and possible ulterior motives.

“hello everybody, I’ll be y’all’s medic for this trip. Believe me I’ve already heard all the western jokes, the hillbilly, and the redneck bullshit so can it for me okay everyone?” You spoke to the room with a gleaming grin that hid your boiling anxiety.

As the day proceeded on there was a tension stuck between your shoulders especially when you got placed between ghost and soap for the flight

“So what part are you from darlin?”

“The part where Mama doesn’t let you come home until the sun goes down and where you’re more likely to get kicked by a horse then learn the alphabet. That’s where I’m from sweetheart”.

- You never grow used to the look you receive from others as the team grows close to you. Nor do you ever live down the jokes and the constant harassment from the team to “get a room” with soap once your accents kick into high gear and his gaelish comes out.

- “dinnae be in any rush darlin, our captain isn’t bleeding out any faster than usual. I would hate to clipe to the rest of the group that you get slower when I come around.” The Scottish flirted with a wink as he dragged Price in one rainy day to base camp.

- “and I’d hate to hogtie you to a mustang and magically push my Nana’s spurs into it’s hide so you can eat shit for all the shit you talk, sweetheart.”

- “aye love if you did that, I’d let you just for the moment I’d be under you, even if it makes me boggin eejit being tied to the horse.”

Price’s grunt as you sprayed the wound stopped you both and the man spoke to you both with his look of surprise between you both.

- Soap definitely pulls you everywhere by your belt loops when you’re not in scrubs. Like I’m talking you’ll be doing something and just feel a tug before you’re face to face with your favorite (you don’t have favorites right :)? )

- the absolute one time you played strip poker, you whipped everyone’s asses and they’ve been begging to know your tricks since. You even had your cowboy hat on still by the end

- Soap who secretly goes weak at the knees hearing you say sweetheart but he would never admit how whipped you have him

-Soap who talks Ghost’s EAR off about you so much so that Ghost could win a jeopardy game about you

- Soap, the man who confesses by… well I’ll save that for another time

-Soap definitely is shitting bricks nervous to meet your family and actually makes your dad shit bricks instead when he sees your hunk of a boyfriend.

-Everyone turning their comms off once you say sweetheart because they know you’re just talking to Soap

-Soap sending everyone a video of you hogtying a pig, and winning first place at a rodeo held in your hometown over holiday one year

- now they actually get a little nervous when you start stomping around in your infirmary/makeshift medic tent talking about hogtying whoever who misplaced your special medical needle gifted to you from your nana/papa/mama/whoever you find special in your life

authors note again: Anyways I’m just gonna yk slip on past here. Lmk if there’s anything that offends you or anything I should improve as I’m still super new to writing fanfiction (so much harder than literature analysis or film writing) I loved doing this and I hope I can do more!

My requests are open and I love writing these as a emotional release

[octuscle]

You have been posting transformations with these long haired guys and I think it's really hot.

I started losing my hair this year and I'm only 23. I'd love to become a huge bodybuilder with that sexy wavey shoulder length hair. I'd love to be a towering meathead in tight speedos and long hair.

It's incredibly frustrating to be just 23 years old and already feel old. You never had the body of an athlete. But you could be pretty proud of your full head of hair. Until it started with the circular hair loss at the back of your head. You tried all kinds of things. But it only got worse. You tried caps. But that looked silly. Now you wear your hair extremely short. Could look cool… If your features were more angular…

It's your first summer vacation since you lost your hair. The first debacle was that you didn't apply lotion to your head. Your scalp was cancerous red and burned like fire. After a week, it was somewhat better again… But now your hair has grown back and you've forgotten your clippers. Your routines simply haven't adapted to the situation yet.

You feel incredibly ugly among all the beautiful people anyway. Maybe at least a fresh buzz cut can save you a little. When you came back from the beach yesterday, you saw a hairdresser on the way to your hotel. The next day, on your way to the beach, you go there.

It's an old-fashioned salon. The hairdresser is still sitting in the corner reading the newspaper so early in the morning. He greets you in a friendly manner and asks you to take a seat in the shiny chrome chair. He puts the cape on you and asks what you want. You smile painedly and say there aren't many options. In your experience, hairdressers always like to talk about soccer. So you add with a grin that you would like Brian Hoyer's hairstyle.

"Brian Hoyer? Las Vegas Raiders? Good man!" The hairdresser is in his element. He asks if you would like a free shave as the first customer of the day. You gladly agree and sit back, relax and enjoy. The hot towels open your pores, your face is soaped, the sharp blade skillfully runs over your cheeks, the after-shave is refreshing. And the hairdresser has been talking the whole time without a dot or a comma. First about football, then about Las Vegas, then about the government. You're so relaxed and in a trance from the facial massage that you couldn't care less. Even if the rest of your vacation isn't perfect, this visit to the hairdresser is a highlight.

"So like Cole Holcomb, boy?" asks the hairdresser. You nod, still deeply relaxed, the back of the chair reclined far back. As expected, the long hair cutter starts. But it feels different. Normally you feel the blades closer to your scalp. No matter, you are in the hands of a professional and enjoying yourself. Especially as the hairdresser doesn't stop talking for a second. You don't notice when he starts working with scissors, you're not irritated that he's using a hairdryer, you don't get suspicious when he kneads hair wax into your curls. "So, boy, a Cole Holcomb for once. What he'd look like if he had your strong curls, boy!"

Bloody hell! Fuck, fuck, fuck! You're driving through the Mullet. Strong, healthy curls. But what a shitty haircut. You look like a redneck. And that with your untrained fat body. The hairdresser ignores your horrified expression. He removes the collar, brushes the loose hair out of your neck and sweepingly removes your hairdressing cape. For a brief moment, your eyes go black. It's the first fainting spell of your life.

Yes, on the first day you had to get used to the new situation a little. All the leering and admiring glances on the beach, in the open-air gym and in the bars and clubs in the evening. But thanks to Stevie, you are perfectly shaved every morning and no matter how hard the party was the night before, he massages every wrinkle out of your face.

In fact, you didn't even know who this Cole Holcomb was. But now you follow him on Instagram. And he follows you like a few other 1,000 people.

[pfhwrittes]

Welding anon here, I technically didn’t complete the program bc I am missing a single credit, which is fine by me because I ended up switching up and going into agriculture instead, which I am much happier to be in and I just got my degree for it. I don’t regret taking that program because I enjoyed the work (best I can describe it? It was almost like piping a cake) but I was the only girl in the room, not usually a problem for me but the guys didn’t talk to me at all and it was soul crushingly isolating

I always pictured him as a welder bc ye he has massive beefy arms and him being an explosives expert, I could see him enjoying the sparks and the process of creating something durable and strong. Both require a good bit of math, (not to mention shooting math which I still struggle with too) Just seems like a dude who finds fulfillment in difficult, heavy precision work. All those scars on his arms too… yea he’d be a hot welder, all sweaty and bit dirty and smelling like steel. Would make you a welded flower bouquet and it would look immaculate

I did also dabble in wood working (not carpentry. If ur curious I was making bee hives bc I was a bee keeper for a time and my company was so small I had to learn how to do everything) price is so carpenter core. He would smell like freshly cut wood, just a bit smokey and strong. I can just picture saw dust absolutely filling his pockets and trailing it around everywhere by accident. Carpenters always have really calloused, rough, strong hands and that’s just so him. Obsessed with carpenter price ngl.

I’m kinda redneck as fuck and I have the obsessed with being outside flavour of autism. I do have buff arms too 💪 (sorry this is a long ask sorry)

welding anon (or maybe i should just call you buff 💪 anon because hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah) please do not ever apologise for long asks. i love long asks. i cherish long asks. i cherish you for sending me a long ask.

firstly, the guys on your course SUCK for making you feel isolated. i get it on some level as i've been the only non-cis person on-site before. i know i've been lucky as i am technically a plumbing nepo-baby so any other shit has been shut down hard by my mum but more often than not she's the only woman on-site. thankfully she's got something like 40 years experience working with the guys she works with so she knows everyone and their children (and all the gossip, tradies are incorrigible gossips and i love it so much).

secondly, fuck yeah to finding something you love doing! i'm incredibly proud of you for getting your degree! go you! and also you're an incredibly talented multi-skilled individual, be proud of yourself for all the skills you have (welding, woodworking, beekeeping!!!).

thirdly, it's official you've converted me into a welder!soap person. you're absolutely correct. he would love welding. sparks + maths + methodical + challenging = welder!soap. he'd be so cheesy about giving you a metal flower bouquet too. excuse me for a minute while i think about sweaty soap with big beefy arms. oooooh boy 😵‍💫

finally, you are entirely correct that carpenter!price would smell so good. ugh, the smell of cut wood is addictive and definitely one of my most favourite smells in the world (i am that person that lingers in the timber yard in a B&Q just to get a whiff of the cut pine). carpenter!price would love his sweetheart fussing over his callouses and rubbing hand cream into his hands before bed every night, you can't tell me he wouldn't. i think the fact that he smells so good definitely makes up for the fact that you'd be fishing pencils and sawdust out of his pockets every time you did laundry. plus you'd have the most beautiful kitchen cabinets that are the envy of all your friends just because he wanted to give the kitchen a "spruce up" (side note: never trust a tradie to do their own DIY, you WILL end up living in a half-finished construction site for over 2 years).

[floridaboiler]

Subject: New Edition---You may be a redneck …… if

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8 You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 miles per hour.

[snootlestheangel]

Very very tired BUT

Everyone needs to know I saw a very Soap-coded redneck today.

He came in with family(?) And was just such a cool looking dude. Had a mohawk mullet thing going on, looked just really fucking cool.

But it was the way he carried himself and I heard him talking with someone and I was like "American Soap??"

[queenilyrian]

“Thas what ma memaw and papa told me when I was born in our lil redneck trailer. He said these female heathens should be left in the trash. They’re a curse papa said. THas before papa said I should be his wife to break the curse. Now I’m an auntie to my sister and she is a curse to her father and her grandfather.”

They write shit like this and than say we bully them. Imagine how brainwashed hillbilly redneck no deodorant wearing no soap having backwards 7 toes inbred you have to be to say shit like this. How are people not running to be friends with you is beyond me. You’re a type of woman that’s so desperate for man’s attention you’d do anything for a d!ck. Evan a sloppy soft one that you don’t understand you humiliated yourself by saying this cuz we can see your family dynamics. I can also guess you’re over the age of 65 and you come from the mindset of “women = cooking cleaning baby machine”.

Thank God your generation’s time is ticking away. Good riddance.

[brightlotusmoon]

Roommate C is slowly revealing more of her life trauma that is a drop in the bucket of her "Redneck F Word Soap Opera" in which F might stand for Family. Apparently two of her cousins turned out to be siblings, two of her half sisters got the same name without knowing each other, the father didn't know how many kids he actually had, and on her mom's side was Jesse James and the Rittenhouse legacy. And her mother had her reading VC Andrews growing up, which made me wonder.

She's now trying her hand at song writing, country ballads. They are dark as fuck. Name a form of abuse and it's happened.

I'm very proud of her. After her mother died in 2019, C got her appetite back, she slowly came out of her shell, and helping me move in helped her organize her life.

I should suggest to her Jeannette McCurdy's book about her own dead evil mother.

[hcfiles]

How to put off the fire he put up? Pour loads of fuel. But, now, it is important to do it without showing he is doing it. And, how to do that? By creating pages on social media of supposed fans to influence others, to attack who is spilling the tea and criticizing this sh*t (his attitudes, decisions and choices), spreading all kinds of rumours and fake sights of the couple, and by motivating hate among them, putting one against the other. Until the fandom is destroyed. Let it burn until there's nothing left, right? They are counting on the lack of unity in this fandom.

Henry Cavill's PR damage control is unethical, dishonest, unscrupulous and pitiful. But, nothing happens without his knowledge and approval. This shenanigan reflects his Character. A dignified actor (man or woman) would never be in this imbroglio. He's not a victim. The only detail I accept that I believe caught him by surprise was the reputation of his m*str*ss and what she did on her own, as this PR stunt started, parallel to the job his team was doing. That's it.

He isn't being blackmailed, Natalie is not a hysterical bipolar making a scene. She's a redneck exhibitionist, likes the spotlight, but she has no class nor style to sustain that visibility and wasn't initially expecting that kind of exposure (of a mentally ill). She easily passes unnoticed. My guess is she had great advantage with this PR, getting more than she expected, but I bet she got kind of tired of it. She likes to show on events, but Henry is probably a pain in the ass, changing the narrative of the plot. Yes, the advanced pregnant belly revelation was his idea, which caught her by surprise. And, she ended up getting along with it, convinced this would give her more attention.

That NY belly was a mix of resentment and stubbornness from him, like a kind of revenge, a move of a narrative he apparently has no intention to keep, the way he found to respond to criticism. Since this sh*t started, mistakes were made one by one, over and over, because he's immature, stubborn and a dude, the more he felt driven to respond, the more he got stuck in a sh*t rollercoaster. He was actually manipulated by the situation he created, as he felt impelled to respond. Teasing his fans.

Now, they have lost control and he's desperate to make it stop. But, how, if every move keeps pumping fire with fuel? It's so interesting how people (probably his paid stans) come here trying to discredit me, offend me so I give up writing about this. If I'm just a lunatic, some crazy bitch, toxic and hater, why lose time with me? Why not do with me what you ask me to do with Cavill? Move on! If there's nothing here even close to the truth, just ignore me and move on. But, for some reason, I'm bothering. And I may guess why. Apparently, they haven't been able to put this page down yet as they did with IG. I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm not even asking you to follow me. Move on!

Putting pages down won't avoid the truth to come out nor people to see the truth. I know Henry might be willing to leave this PR behind so he doesn't have to continue staging a lie. It must be unbearable to feel pressure to stage a lie, because of a fake story you sold. But, he went too far. And, now we want to watch the whole f**king soap opera until the final end. We want to follow the baby, to see it grow, to know if his son or daughter will be acting one day and if she or he will also be on PR stunts to promote her/his image. And, that's what's bothering. If people continue asking and creating stories he will end up having to continue staging this "fake happy-in-love-and-in-life" plot, what he, apparently, doesn't want anymore. He wants people to ignore it and "move on". But, people want more. People want an end. People want the truth.

[featherymalignancy]

Long Way Home🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

This is a little more than 7 lines, but I couldn’t help myself. Enjoy!!

“How old were you, when you moved in with your dad and stepmom?”

Elain watched as a muscle ticked in Az’s jaw, his fingers flexing against his glass as he said, “I always lived with them. Even before my mom died.”

Elain’s confusion must have shown, bc after a beat he explained, “My parents were never together. And my mom—“

He blew out a breath.

“She was…fragile. She’d originally planned to move back in with her folks in Tahlequah and raise me there, but when my dad told her no, she didn’t have it in her to fight him on it.”

“So she just…left you with him and your stepmom?”

“No, never,” Az said, fingers brushing the medallion he always wore at his neck. “She never would have left me. She just—we all lived there. Together. It’s a long story as to why, but that’s just how it was.”

Az glanced back at her then, a sad smile ghosting across his face.

“Quite the redneck soap opera, isn’t it?”

[theesirenteller]

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐢𝐞 ; 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝

◦•●◉✿ 𝙹𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝙾𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚣/ 𝙾𝙵𝙲 ✿◉●•◦

Ofc; Suzanna "Suzie" Wallace-Ortiz

"Look Suzie please! Please just listen to me!" Juice pleaded frantically as he dodged and ducked from the flying flip flops. "I can't be without you. I..I don't wanna lose you!" he pleaded.

"You're a fucking liar! You left me!"

" Woman, I was in prison!"

"Well who's fucking fault was that?! Yours! Nobody told you to follow those inbreds, they're not your brothers! They wouldn't do the same for you!"

"You don't get it Suzie! I can't be alone!" Juice yelled His eyes filled with tears as his face grew reddened. His hands balled into fists at his sides. "I-I don't do good with being alone. I start thinking about shit and i…it just gets real fucking bad for me. The clubs all I've got, Suzie. WIthout you, they're all I've got."

The heartbroken look on his face made the busty blonde frown. She lowered the shoe in her hand as her glaring expression softened. "Aw sugarplum..," she cooed as she rushed over to the closet-sized trailer. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she embraced him closely. Her warm palm gently rested against the back of his shaved head that she began to caress. "I done told you before that you've got me, sugarplum. You'll always have me." she laid a kiss against the nape of his neck as he hugged her tightly.``But it can't be both. I don't do well being second best to a bunch of rough lookin' rednecks" 

Suzanna Jean Wallace loathed bikers with a passion Specifically Samcro. The men had a filthy reputation. Done unspeakable things to people. People she once loved and cared dearly for had fallen into the grave because of those men. 

Juice, her sweet sugarplum was different. He was so much better than them. She knew his heart was pure. He'd been the first man to kiss her with his lips instead of a fist after an argument. He held her like he needed her.  Suzie didn't care for the type of guys who were brainless macho men that only cared about emptying their balls in whatever pussy that could get a hold on. She needed someone to hold her at night. Someone who didn't mind watching reruns of soap operas and cartoons whilst eating cereal. Juice became all that and so much more. He was sweeter than the sweetest sweet tea. 

"I've let good things go all my life. I don't wanna let you go." He wept against her hair. His fingertips dug into the softness of her skin as he squeezed her. "Marry me." he murmured with a muffled tone.

Suzie tilted her neck back and looked at him wide-eyed "What?"

"Suzie.." Juice's hands cupped her face as he stared into her brown eyes. Both of their eyes were the same shade of dark brown. "Will you marry me? Just us. I mean i love you and you love me…you're my dream girl and fuck, i couldn't think of anyone else i'd wanna spend my life with." his words were rushed but he spoke from his heart.

Suzie was one of the nicest women he'd ever met. Sure, she was an overly emotional crybaby at times. Or a drama queen who threw the oddest, scariest fits when she didn't get her way. But! she never ceased to keep a smile on his face. She baked him cherry pies and sugar cookies whenever they were together. Everyone in the diner where she worked loved her. She was so lively. An immaculate lover that left his skin marked in love bites and scatch marks. So much so you'd think he'd fought a cat. Suzie wasn't a secret but she was scared. His scared, serene lover.

A high-ear piercing squeal escaped Suzie's lips before she tackled the tanned biker onto her bed. She peppered his face in sloppy kisses as she hugged his waist. "Of course I'll marry you, Sugar." The southern Mississippi native stood up abruptly and sassed, "I'll be needing a ring. Something pretty and sweet that makes me think of you." 

Juice chuckled happily as he grasped her hand and laid a kiss at her fingers. "Whatever you want," he agreed. Standing up on his feet again, he gleefully wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling Suzie into a bear hug. His lips ravenously crashed against hers. His lips soft to the touch, overlapped hers in a slowed, yearning, and tender embrace. 

She felt the strength he possessed by the way he lifted her in his arms as if she weighed little to nothing. Suzie couldn't help but to melt in his arms and kiss Juice tenderly. He stole the air from her lungs and in that moment she felt as though they were one. Just before her tongue could brush against his, Juice pulled away. His fingers tapping against her lower back,"I wanna marry you right now." he whispered an inch from her lips. Suzie could feel his heart beating against hers. 

Her smile beamed so bright that her cheeks hurt. "Let's go get married then, sugarplum." she said, nudging her nose against his. Suzie then pecked his lips before she smacked her hands against his chest, "Now get out, I gotta get proper." 

"Yes ma'am." He chuckled before rushing out of the trailer. Juice reached into his pants pocket for his phone and his finger itched over Jax's number. But, he froze for a moment as Suzie's words replayed in his head. He instead turned off his phone and shoved it into his back pocket.

Suzie rushed to get ready.  From freshening up in a five-minute shower to getting her outfit together; Suzie was frantic with excitement. She'd put on a white overbust corset from her closet with white knee-high tights her six-inch pleaser rose & white stripper heels, and white lace g-string graced her body. The southern belle proceeded to straighten her bottle-blonde hair until it fell effortlessly to the of her breast. As she went to work on her makeup; Juice had left on his motorcycle.

The man sped off down the dust roads until he arrived at a Jewelry shop on the outskirts of Charming near a small coastal town. He took a deep breath as he parked his bike. Straightening himself up and removing his glasses, juice proceeded to head inside. He walked along the two isles with his eyes skimming over the selections. So many designs and styles to choose from. Yet, almost instantly…the ring chose him. A dainty-sized gold ring flashed revealed itself to him. It was crafted in a Japanese peach blossom shape with a tiny pink rose-quartz crystal in the center. 

"Hey, excuse me! I'd like to purchase this one." He called out. Excitement bubbled in his tone. 

Nearly thirty-minutes later; After packing an overnight bag and tossing on her oversized Levi denim jacket, Suzie rushed out the trailer and approached Juice. He had been rolling a fat joint when she approached. The man's eyes widened as he looked her over. A wide grin stretching across his lips. "Wow babe, you look amazing," he said before kissing her cheek. 

"Thank you honey. You look as handsome as ever." Suzie smiled as she pecked the tip of his nose. Once Juice had placed his helmet on her head, the pair were off to Vegas.

An hour's drive felt like five minutes. Juice blazed the couple through the highway at the speed of lightning. It wasn't that he was in a rush to head back to Charming, no. The guy was just so filled with excitement that he barely could contain it. Something about making her Mrs.Ortiz just made him so chipper and feral.

The wedding chapel. One of many in the city that never sleeps. But, what made this one special was that there were no witnesses needed. The two love birds stood in front of one another with a Priest dressed as Elvis in between them. The couple couldn't wipe the smile off of their faces. It's only been three months that they'd known one another and been together. But, it felt like thirty years. For Suzie, it was love at first sight. The sight of his golden retriever smile and hippy attitude made her want to give the hunk of a man a son named Tanner and worship him endlessly.

Suzie wore a 2.99 viel she'd brought from outside the chapel and a 5.99 bouquet of faux white roses. The trailer park princess was finally becoming a proper wife. Tears filled her little Bambi eyes as her smile grew shaky.

"Do you Juan Ortiz take Suzanne Jean Wallace as your wife in sickness & in health? For better or worse for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Juice quickly nodded his head as he agreed. He proceeds to take the ring out of his pocket and slip it into her finger.

Suzie couldn't contain the squeaky sob that escaped her lips, "Oh my gosh sugarplum!" her heels click-clacked as she stomped her feet in delight.

The Elvis priest chuckled and shook his head as proceeded on, "Do you Suzanna Jean Wallace take Juan Ortiz to be your husband in-"

"Yes! No need to yip yap too much. I do." Suzie quickly interrupted. She excitedly pulled her father's old wedding band out from under bosom before proceeding to slip it onto Juice's finger. It was a perfect fit. Almost solidifying that they were in fact meant to be.

"Well then…" The Priest chuckled, "I now pronounce you Mr.&Mrs.Ortiz."

His muscular arms wrapped around her hips as Juice quickly lifted her up in his arms. Their lips clashed together passionately. Their mouths ravished one another until their noses were nudged and their tongues pressed closely against each other. The world suddenly felt still. No one else mattered but the two of them.

They'd gotten married fast but got to their honeymoon suite at the Mermaid Motel even quicker. Sweet sativa clouded the air as Mrs.Ortiz enjoyed her KFC chicken drumstick and fourth joint. Whilst Juice had been taking a call outside their room. Giggling to herself, Suzie watched a rerun of Mall Cop on the small TV that hung from the wall. Tilting her head back, she peeked through the curtains, her eyes narrowed in on Juice pacing back and forth. Which caused Suzie to roll her eyes.

"Fucking shit hole bikers." She muttered as she stood up from the couch. After tossing her drumstick down on her paper plate and tossing the remains of her blunt into her cherry coke can ; Suzie slips out of her heels and corset. Snatching two complimentary towels from the edge of the bed on her way out of the room, Suzie stalked toward where Juice stood. Quickly, she snatched his phone and ended the call with a snap of the flip phone.

"Hey! Babe what the hell?! That was important." Juice groaned with a huff.

"Not more important than fucking me stupid, sugarplum." She dismissed as she grasped his hand. "Let's go swimming, it's hot." her feet smacked against the pavement as she ran towards the vacant pool.

"Definitely not." He agreed as he chased behind her.

Towels were dropped at the edge of the pool as Suzie jumped in first. Juice quickly stripped out of his chunky boots, baggy jeans, and white tee before diving in after her. The fluorescent lights of the Mermaid Motel sign were their only lightning. Reflecting off the pool water. As the pair arose for air, Suzie playfully licked the side of his face. " Sweeter than a sweet tatar." She laughed.

"Whatever weirdo." Juice laughed as he splashed water her way.

"No! My makeup!" She giggled as she shielded her face with her hands.

"You're looking like a corpse bride right about now babe." He teased as he continued to splash her. The two splashed one another until she had no choice but to turn around and reach for her towel to pay her face dry.

As she gently tapped her face, he came behind her. His hands rubbed along her hips up to her breasts. Squeezing at her squishy pear-shaped mounds as his thumbs fondled at her nipples. A low whimper escaped her giggling lips. His pouty lips warmed her cool skin as he kissed along her neck. He adorned her skin with his lips and tongue, nibbling at her flesh. "You're so pretty baby." he murmured against her. Grasping greedily at her breasts he tugged her closer.

Her small hands draped over his larger ones as Suzie softly moaned. Arching her lower back, she grinds her ass against his crotch. Her nails dragged along his forearms that she couldn't help but grasp and caress. His stiff cock grinding against her plump cheeks needily earned a muffled groan to leave his lips. His large hand grasped at her throat and jaw, tugging her back as he did so. His tongue dipped down into her mouth. Their tongues licked against one another as their lips messily pressed and dragged passionately on and off each other. The way his tongue would massage the back of her mouth made her clit throb as she eagerly rocked back against his growing erection.

Juice had to have one the most modest men who carried a third leg Suzie ever encountered. Despite their first time being a quick five-minute bathroom bang; she never expected the Glock-sized cock he had. By looking at him and his demeanor, she never expected it. But their second hook-up in her trailer gave her a juicy first look. The man, her man was a whooping eight inches with about a five-inch girth. Not that she had a ruler but it was pretty clear. Circumcised (thankfully) and perfectly, cleanly shaven. He kept his hair as neat as his Mohawk. A slight tilt upward shaft that just plunged her whenever he rammed into her.

Just like now. Suzie had been so blissfully enchanted by his tongue in her mouth and his left hand groping at her breast; That she hadn't realized how swiftly he lifted and pressed her left leg to her waist. His thick and veiny shaft stuffed into her silken hole with little ease. Suzie let out a cry of both pleasure and pain. Her thighs shook as her hips jolted back against his. "Ah! You fucking mad mohawker!" she cursed through teary-eyed laughter. He made her a complete and utter mess. and she loved every minute of it.

"Shouldn't have interrupted my call, baby"Juice laughed in her ear as he dug deeper inside her. His fingers pressed against her throbbing clit and he rubbed at it tenderly. Suddenly, the cool evening air is stifling, and Suzie starts to feel like she's suffocating. Overwhelmed by the pleasure he's basking on her. The way his hips snapped against hers when his throbbing, thick veiny cock drilled into her with a force that matched the roaring of thunder. Her moans grew so loud that Juice had to stuff his fingers into her mouth.

The newlywed's pleasurable night was only the beginning of their wild ride. Their love was a fire that would burn down any obstacle in their way. No matter how 'Brotherly' that obstacle was.

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

I'm gonna call this 'Chapter One'

[nysocboy]

My Life with the Walter Boys: Lots of hunks in small-town Colorado, plus an "are they or aren't they?" gay couple

I dislike tv series about how small towns are so much better than big cities, with good old fashioned down-home values -- which means gender-polarization,  mom baking pies and dad watching football, plus heterosexism, every boy gazing wistfully at a girl.  But My Life with the Walter Boys, on Netflix, is about a big-city girl who moves to a ranch in Colorado, for some reason, where the family has five boys!  Including Cole, played by 25 yer old Noah LaLonde!  I'm going to review Episode 3, which has the Homecoming Huddle -- a dance, I guess -- to check for gay characters.

Scene 1: In the rustic barn, Sensitive Alex (22-year old Ashby Gentry, far right) is telling focus character Jackie the colorful history of the family's cider wagon and explaining how important homecoming is.

Cut to Brooding Cole, practicing football with his little sister,  who is playing her first junior football game.  He'll be in the stands cheering her on. At least no one is uptight about breaking gender stereotypes.  As he bends over, he winces -- uh-uh, injury.

Scene 2: Two boys at the kitchen table, while Dad (Marc Blucas) talks to someone about the pests eating their crops.  Hopefully the new pesticide will kill the lot.  Mom comes in -- wait I thought it was a single dad -- and drinks coffee while they discuss farm stuff.

Scene 3: At school, Jackie's friend thanks her for not telling Brooding Cole's girlfriend that they're cheating on her (Horndog Cole apparently cheats on everybody with everybody).   

On to a meeting of the fundraising committee for the auditorium renovation. They expect kids to take care of that? Jackie suggests a silent auction.

Meanwhile, Cole's teammate Skylar (Jaylan Evans) consoles him over not being able to play football anymore.  At least he can still go to the Homecoming after-part.  "There will be booze there!" I thought he was going to say "girls." Nice to see a teenage boy on tv who isn't obsessing over "girls! girls! girls!"

Scene 4:  Jackie invited the group to her house to work on the silent auction.  They take a break to play "Fuck, marry, kill."  Whoops, sorry, I mean "Kiss, go steady with, be mean to."  Jackie insists that she doesn't want to date Sensitive Alex (the brother she will be staffing the cider truck with).  Suddenly a kid rushes by and splashes paint all over Skyler's shirt!

Cut to Skyler in the bathroom -- with the door open! -- trying to clean his paint-splashed shirt.  Nathan (Corey Fogelmanis) sees him and -- wait, is that erotic attraction?  Are there gay people in this small town in Colorado?  He turns to run away, but Skyler sees him and says "Hello, there."  Dorky greeting, Dude. 

"I can throw that in the wash, and lend you one of my shirts."  I think some paint splashed on his pants, too.

Nathan goes through his closet -- very slowly, so he can gawk at Skyler's bod. Then take a break from looking for shirts so Skyler can listen to Nathan's new song. 

I'll just go through on fast forward, to check on Skyler-Nate. No more flirtation in this episode, but fan boards were lit up with "Is Skyler gay?"  "Nate and Skyler are just good buddies, right?"  "Can't straight guys love other without everyone accusing them of being gay?"  But the guys end the speculations (except for the inevitable few that refuse to get it, regardless) by holding hands in Episode 8, and kissing in  Episode 9 (at a redneck rodeo, of all places). 

My Grade:  Having a gay couple in the mix is nice, and seeing Cole's chest is nice, but it's still a small-town soap opera, with several heterosexual couples falling in love.B-. 

The full review, with other plotlines and photos (some nude), is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[cindiquilsnivy]

Man I check FB and somehow I feel like I'm in a redneck soap opera.