#Quarterlife Counseling

[quarterlifecenter]

Know a Quarterlifer Who’s Struggling? Here’s How You Can Help

Are you a parent, grandparent, friend, or loved one of an adult quarterlifer? Quarterlifers are individuals who are in their twenties or thirties. They’re the millennials or Gen Zers in your life who you may notice are struggling right now. Whether they’re back home living with you, suffering from unemployment, generally lacking motivation, sleeping a lot, socially isolating themselves, or just not opening up to you about it, then you may wonder…

What can I do to help?

If you think someone you know is having a quarterlife crisis, you can help. Here’s what we suggest.

What should I do if I think my loved one is having a quarterlife crisis?

If you know a quarterlifer who is struggling, you’re not alone. We often hear from family members or other loved ones who believe that their child or friend is suffering. This is what you can do.

1. Recognize the symptoms

Symptoms of a quarterlife crisis include:

Lack of motivation

Irritability

Tearfulness

Anxiety about the future

Difficulty making decisions

Changes in appetite or sleep habits

Substance abuse

If you begin to notice these symptoms (or have noticed them over the past several months), then you may wonder about the next steps. How can you help your loved one and express the concern that you’re feeling?

2. Avoid confrontation

You may be feeling a mix of concern, frustration, or confusion. And especially if your child isn’t talking to you, then you have no idea what’s going through their head either. This combination of emotions often prompts people to lead with something like, “So, how’s the job/apartment search going?” or “What’s your plan for your life? You don’t seem to be making any progress, but you sure watch a lot of TV.” Inevitably, this doesn’t help the conversation progress very far. It just puts everyone on the defensive.

Try using a supportive approach where you express how you’re feeling. “I’m worried about you because you don’t seem like yourself lately. What’s been on your mind?” Remember, while you’re not asking about a job or apartment, you’ll likely get to the root of the issue much faster, and you’ll be able to offer them the assistance they need to get to those end goals.

3. Listen intently

Regardless of how the conversation goes, the best thing you can do as a supportive person in their life is listen. Hear where they are, refrain from overly positive statements that may minimize their experiences, and remind them that they don’t have to go through this alone. If it seems appropriate, suggest that they speak to a counselor. A counselor is often a great resource because they’re an external party who can offer nonjudgmental support. They’re not a parent, family member, or close friend who may be difficult to talk things through with.

4. Be sure to follow-up

Within a few weeks of that initial conversation, make sure you follow up with your quarterlifer. This is a step that many people miss because they’re afraid of seeming pushy, but it’s critical because it allows you to keep communication open. You can ask something general, like “I wanted to follow up with you from our chat a couple of weeks ago and see how you’re feeling. I just want you to know I’m here for you if you want to talk.” This gives them the opportunity to open up more or communicate anything that may have been forgotten. It also reassures them that they don’t need to struggle alone.

Final thoughts

The steps in this blog may seem simple in theory, but it can be hard to watch someone you love struggle. Have more questions about navigating this stage of life? Don’t hesitate to reach out to the Quarterlife Center for more information.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

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What is Remote Therapy?

You may have heard it called any of these things: telemental health therapy, video therapy, online therapy, Internet-based therapy, remote counseling, virtual therapy, or e-therapy…but what is it exactly?

Remote therapy is a form of psychotherapy in which a professional therapist provides counseling services via phone, video, or sometimes even text, rather than conventional in-person therapy. At QLC, we offer remote therapy for our clients in order to ensure continuity of care, even when clients are unable to come into the office for in-person appointments. We understand how busy our clients are, and we are committed to making therapy accessible and convenient.

Research has found that remote counseling is becoming increasingly popular and effective, especially among young adults in their twenties and thirties. As our lives are becoming busier, there is an increasing need for mental health support and even less time to schedule in-person office appointments. Remote counseling via telephone or video is an easy and convenient way to get the help you want and need.

Telephone and video counseling may be especially beneficial if you are:

traveling frequently,

struggling to get time off from work for regular counseling appointments,

post-partum and home with a newborn,

homebound,

having physical limitations,

dealing with an illness, or

having transportation challenges.

Benefits of Remote Counseling:

It is private. No bumping into people you know in the waiting room. No questions from managers and supervisors about why you’re leaving the office midday.

It is convenient. You can meet with your therapist, no matter where you are, whether you’re home, on vacation, on a work trip, or at the office.

It is comfortable. You meet with your therapist where it’s most comfortable for YOU. From the comfort of your home, on your couch, in your pjs, sipping your favorite tea, or outside walking your dog.

You save money. There are no additional fees for remote counseling, and you don’t have transportation and parking expenses.

You save time. Because you don’t travel to an office for your appointment; you don’t have to factor in additional time when scheduling your appointments.

It is flexible. It can happen any time of day or evening and from any location in the world.

QLC offers remote counseling to clients via video or telephone. With remote counseling, you can be anywhere in the world and have your sessions face-to-face with your therapist.

Please note that there are limits to confidentiality should you choose to communicate via telephone, video conferencing, e-mail communications, or text messages.

About the Quarterlife Center (QLC):

Our QLC Counselors specialize in working with individuals and couples in their 20s and 30s in a supportive, caring, confidential setting. We will work with you to help you identify your passions, achieve your goals and thrive in your life.

Quarterlife Center offers the following services to clients:

Individual Counseling

Couples Counseling

Premarital Counseling

Career Coaching

Perinatal/Postpartum Counseling

Learn more at http://www.quarterlifecenter.com/virtual-therapy/

[solesearchingsoul]

If you need a PEER COACH, don't hesitate to tap me. I've been through #QuarterLife and I know what if feels that's why I'd like to offer my insightful experiences to guide you through this crisis. I started my Sole Searching Soul journey out of my #QuarterLifeCrisis... I was afraid and confused on what path I should take. I found myself asking "Is this all that I am? Is this all that I can do?" With some self-coaching and counselling, it became very clear to me that I really want to #MakeaDifferenceOneTripAtAtime in this lifetime so I just take the first step and move forward. Today, I am living what I've manifested 3 years ago. I am making a difference one trip at time in my own little ways. I believe and declare that this is going to lead me to #infiniteloveandabundance. Prepping for a weeklong travel coz I'm heading north... see you in #Vigan and #Baguio! ★★★★★★★ #TAAPAsia #SSSoulSearching #SoleSearchingSoulBook

[quarterlifecenter]

Top 12 Questions about the Therapy

Are you thinking about starting therapy? Not sure how to choose the right therapist? You may have questions about what it’s all about. People often want to know what therapy is really like and what to expect.

In this post, we share 12 common questions that we receive at QLC. The following information will simplify the process of finding the right therapist for you. If you have additional questions, please contact us at QLC.

1. Why go to therapy when I can just get advice from friends and family?

Leaning on friends and family certainly can be helpful. That said, therapists are professionally trained to help you explore and discuss your difficulties and develop solutions to your particular problems. They have expertise in helping you express and evaluate your feelings, focusing entirely on you without bringing their own needs into the mix.

Psychotherapy is a treatment process that is often very useful in helping people cope with their problems. Meeting with a therapist provides you an opportunity to receive feedback from a licensed professional who is skilled at listening and providing guidance.

2. How do I choose the right therapist?

Here is what you need to know when selecting a therapist:

It’s important to feel that there is a good fit between your personality and your therapist’s personality. There are many skilled therapists out there, which means there is not only one therapist who is “right” for you. Like all people, therapists have different personalities, styles, office setting, and approaches. Find one you are comfortable with, one you can trust, and one who helps you grow. We generally recommend meeting with a therapist for 2-3 sessions before deciding to continue or discontinue sessions with that therapist.

3. What should I talk about in counseling?

You should feel free to talk about anything that you’d like to share with your therapist. Not sure what to talk about in counseling? Here are a few ideas to get started.

4. How long are counseling sessions?

This depends on the therapist, but typically sessions range between 45-60 minutes. At QLC, individual sessions are 45 minutes and couples sessions are 50 minutes.

5. How often will I meet with my therapist?

While the success of psychotherapy depends on various factors, one of the most important is continuity of sessions. To be most useful at the beginning, sessions with your therapist usually take place at least on a weekly basis. With time, sessions may take place every couple of weeks, depending on your needs and your therapist’s approach.

6. Will my therapist ask me a lot of questions in therapy?

This depends on the style and training of your therapist. Some therapists will conduct an “intake,” also known as a biopsychosocial assessment, in the first session. During the intake process, you will be asked questions about topics like family background, mental health history, physical health, education, career, and substance use history. Other therapists will wait for you to begin talking or they’ll begin the session with a simple question like, “So what brings you in today?” There isn’t a right or wrong approach. You want to find a therapist whose style fits with your personality.

7. What if I don’t want to talk about certain topics?

That’s not a problem! If your therapist asks you a question that you don’t want to answer, just tell them that you’re not ready to discuss it. Perhaps, you can circle back to that topic down the road when you’re ready.

8. What if I feel like my therapist is judging me?

Therapists have a great deal of training on developing a nonjudgmental stance. Your therapist should provide a safe, accepting space in which you feel free to explore all types of thoughts and feelings.

Throughout their training, coursework, clinical supervision, and their own therapy, psychotherapists become experienced at keeping their opinions and feelings in check as they work with clients. They are trained to thoughtfully and carefully listen with an open mind.

Of course, therapists are human beings with their own opinions and beliefs. Keep in mind that some therapists provide religion-based therapy, and usually they state that on their website. For example, they might identify as a “Christian counselor.”

The Quarterlife Center is not affiliated with any religion and is open to working with all lifestyles.

9. What should I do if my therapist upsets me?

If your therapist upsets you, you should bring it to their attention. Even if you wait until a later session to bring it up, it’s better than ignoring it. If you feel that you’re being judged or criticized, let your therapist know. For example, you could say something like, “In our session last week, I felt like you were judging me when I told you that I smoke marijuana. Can we talk about that?”

A well-trained therapist will be able to respond empathically to you and will be open to exploring your feelings about the interactions between the two of you. A well-trained therapist will also be able to own their part in the interaction. Often, an open and honest conversation about your interaction can enhance your work together long-term.

10. What education and licensing do your therapists have?

All QLC therapists are licensed mental health professionals with at least one graduate degree in social work or psychology. They also have post-graduate training in various topics, including trauma, grief and loss, post-partum counseling, psychodynamic counseling, and mind-body integrative medicine.

11. What are your strengths as a therapist?

One of the biggest strengths of QLC therapists is that they are experienced at working with quarterlifers and they really enjoy working with quarterlifers. They have a great deal of clinical experience working with issues common to the quarterlife phase of life and emerging adulthood.

12. Some therapists are more comfortable addressing the immediate problem, while others want to focus on the deeper issue. Which are you?

At QLC, we tailor the counseling experience to fit the needs of the client. Our therapists will help you address the immediate problem, while also addressing the deeper underlying issues that contribute to the immediate problem. Therapy at QLC integrates various techniques to help clients resolve their problems so that the problems do not continue to resurface over time.

What if I have additional questions about counseling?

You can reach our team at the Quarterlife Center for additional information.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please call us or email us here.

[quarterlifecenter]

How To Help A Grieving Young Adult

Grief has many causes and many faces. Losing a loved one, and then feeling alone in your grief can feel devastating. Grieving is never easy, but the grieving process for young adults (quarterlifers) is particularly rough. With a few exceptions, a young adult doesn’t expect to face the death of a loved one. Because grieving a death is non-normative during this phase of life, a grieving quarterlifer is apt to feel like peers don’t understand. Additionally, it can be challenging to find resources and help for grieving young adults. As a 25 year-old grieving client expressed, “my friends don’t know how to handle my sadness. I feel so alone . . . like everyone is tiptoeing around me.”

The following poem captures this feeling and illuminates the most important way in which you can help a young adult who is grieving:

“Elephant in the Room” by Terry Kettering

“There’s an elephant in the room.

It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with, “How are you?” and “I’m fine,” and a thousand other

forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work.

We talk about everything else, except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.

We all know it’s there. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds. For, you see, it is a very large elephant.

It has hurt us all.

But we don’t talk about the elephant.

Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

For if I cannot, then you are leaving me . . .

Alone . . .

in a room . . .

with an elephant.”

As a result of feeling alone, your grieving friend may start to distance herself. Likewise out of fear of upsetting your grieving friend or saying the wrong thing, you may begin to distance yourself. Although it is a natural reaction, it is the opposite of what your friend needs.

So how can you help your grieving friend?

Help her know that you see the elephant in the room and that you know that she hurts. Provide opportunities for your friend to talk about her grief, but don’t force the conversation.

Remember that starting this kind of conversation requires courage. It may lead you to face your own fears and beliefs about death, and to feel emotional. You have chosen to open up communication because you care about your friend.

In summary, to help a grieving friend:

1. Be present. 2. Have courage to address it. 3. See the elephant. 4. Be available to listen when she is ready to talk.

Helpful Tips:

1. Address your friend’s loss directly, saying something like, “I’m sorry that your mother died. I’m here for you, and I really want to hear about how you’re feeling, if you are up for talking about it.” 2. Understand that this is not a problem for you to “fix,” and that it is not helpful to try and make your friend “feel better.” 3. Prompt your friend to share memories of the deceased, her feelings of loss, her fears about death and mortality. Be prepared to share your own thoughts if asked—back-and-forth exchanges can be therapeutic. 4. Even if she does not want to talk about it when you initially offer, check back in with her again down the road.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

[quarterlifecenter]

3 Mistakes that Parents of Quarterlifers Make

If you’re a parent of a quarterlifer, you may be looking at your son or daughter in distress. These 20- or 30-something Millennials and Gen Z-ers are at a pivotal point in their lives, and along with everything else going on, the last couple of years haven’t been easy on them. Yet, as much as you want to help, sometimes your actions may be making the situation worse (doesn’t every parent love to hear that!). In this blog, we’ll discuss the top 3 mistakes that parents of quarterlifers make and how you can redirect your energy and actions to actually improve their situation.

1. You offer too much help

We all know these types of parents — and you might be one of them. Those that are overbearing and micromanaging. Of course, they mean well and want to help their child. It’s difficult to see your child struggling, and as a parent, you want to do anything you can to help them.

However, now that your children are emerging adults, they’re developing independence and autonomy. This is the time to let them take the reins and help them find the resources to do things on their own. Let your kids fall down, skin their knees, and figure it out themselves. It may not be easy for them (or you!), but it’ll be better for everyone in the long run.

2. You don’t let them help themselves

No one wants to be an enabler, but this is often what parents of quarterlifers are. They do things for their children that they should really be doing for themselves. If your quarterlife child is living with you or you’re financially supporting them, make sure you set boundaries and talk about expectations. You can be helpful to your child and support them without doing everything.

For example, if they are living with you, discuss how they should help around the house and demonstrate responsibility for taking care of the home. What chores should be completed on a weekly basis? How will they work towards their goals while living with you? The best way to support them is by ensuring they are continuing to grow themselves!

3. You wait too long to open up communication

If you see your quarterlifer is struggling, then you may think it’s best to leave them be. Unfortunately, this is a common mistake that parents make. They take too long to open up communication and offer their support. Having a quarterlife crisis is very real, and it is often accompanied by depression and anxiety that must be treated with therapy, medication, or both. Reach out to them and let them know that you’re here, concerned, and ready to support them in a way that works for both of you.

Final thoughts

Do you have a quarterlife child that you’re trying to help? Early adulthood is a common time that low levels of anxiety and depression can become more acute. Your child isn’t alone!

Visit the Quarterlife Center for more resources. Contact us here.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

[quarterlifecenter]

Facing a Quarter-life Crisis? Here’s What You Need to Know

The quarter-life crisis is real. It is an identity crisis (experienced by some as an existential crisis) that occurs as a quarter-lifer (in their twenties or thirties) struggles with the transition to adulthood. If you are facing a quarter-life crisis, here are 3 things you need to know.

1) It’s ok not to have life figured out as a quarter-lifer.

If you are unclear about who you want to be and how you want to live your life, try to see this as an opportunity to explore options and experience new adventures. You may feel pressure to have more certainty about where you’re headed in your life, but it’s ok not to have it all figured out–too much certainty can be a bad thing, if it prevents you from taking appropriate risks to grow and move out of your comfort zone.

2) You are not alone.

Often, the quarter-life crisis is exacerbated by a perception that your friends have it all figured out already. You may worry that friends are moving forward with their lives while you’ve gotten stuck. While there are some quarter-lifers who do have clarity, there are many more who are full of questions and looking for answers. In those moments when you feel alone in your struggle, perhaps reaching out to a friend to share your experience would be helpful to both of you.

3) Envy is just information.

Social media is one of the major culprits for sowing envy, as users see their friends’ insta-perfect lives online. Many people criticize this aspect of social media, but we say “Use it!” It can be an important source of information for you, providing cues about what you value and desire for your own life. For example, if you are envious of a friend who has a newborn, explore whether your envy is a sign that you have an unmet need to nurture or mentor others. Or if you envy your friend who is on a solo international trip, maybe you are craving more adventure and/or time alone. Next time you find yourself hating on your friend who is living “her best life,” use your reaction to self-reflect on what you want for YOUR life.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

[quarterlifecenter]

How to Manage Fears After Mass Violence

The recent shootings in Uvalde and Buffalo have put most (if not all) quarterlifers on edge. These 20- and 30-somethings are right on the cusp – either reeling from their own experiences of shootings in their childhood or fretting about their young children’s safety in public spaces. Managing fear, anxiety, and difficult conversations after incidences of mass violence isn’t something they give adults instructions for. Here’s our best guide on how to cope if you’re feeling especially worried these days.

The Rise of Mass Shootings

A mass shooting is an incident involving several victims of firearm-related violence. Over the past 25 years, hundreds of mass shootings have occurred, which only contribute to young adults’ general sense of anxiety and instability. Today’s young adults (Millennials and Gen Z-ers) grew up in a world where safety wasn’t guaranteed in schools, grocery stores, concerts, movie theaters, and other public spaces.

Here’s a list of just a fraction of the mass shootings that have occurred over the last 25 years.

Columbine High School (1999)

Virginia Tech (2007)

Binghamton (2009)

Foot Hood (2009)

Aurora Theater (2012)

Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT (2012)

Washington Navy Yard (2013)

San Bernadino (2015)

Orlando Pulse Nightclub (2016)

Route 91 Harvest Music Festival in Las Vegas (2017)

Texas First Baptist Church (2017)

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL (2018)

Thousand Oaks Nightclub (2018)

El Paso Walmart (2019)

Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, TX (2022)

In 2022 alone, there have been 300 mass shootings so far. These instances of violence can be especially difficult for a generation who has grown up fearing these occurrences in their communities. Now, even in young adulthood, the rate of mass shootings has continued to rise. The children of this generation have grown into adults — some with their own children, who have questions about the shootings..

5 Strategies to Manage Your Fear and Anxiety

1. Acknowledge your anxiety

It is normal to feel fear and anxiety following a traumatic event. Acknowledge your fear, but don’t allow it to consume you.

2. Connect with others

Fear can make you feel isolated and alone, which in turn, heightens the fear. Reach out to others to let them know how you’re feeling and to see how they’re doing. This can help you both feel supported and understood.

3. Avoid triggers

Triggers are things that can cause your fear and anxiety to increase. By temporarily avoiding triggers, you can help to minimize the fear and anxiety that you’re experiencing. Common triggers following mass violence events include:

News about the event

Images or videos of the event

Sensory reminders of the event (sounds, smells, etc.)

People who were at the event

Conversations about the event

You may also find that you’re nervous in spaces that are like those of the mass violence event. For instance, maybe you’re not comfortable going to the movies right now, or you prefer to do online grocery pickup instead of shopping in person. It’s not always possible to avoid every trigger but planning and avoiding the ones you can is a good temporary solution.

4. Prepare and support your family

Following the Uvalde shooting, many young parents began to fear the worst about what their children would encounter in school. Searches like “how to talk to kids about school shootings” and “tips on navigating tough conversations with kids about school shootings” were trending on Google.

While it’s a horrifying reality that parents have to talk to their young child about such violence, preparing those in your household can make you feel more prepared if there is such an event in the future. Here are a few tips you can use.

Remember that you serve as your child’s emotional stability — turn down the volume on your own reactions so you can listen to your child’s concerns calmly.

Determine whether your child is aware of the event.

Talk about the event and the impact that the event has had on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Provide routines so your child has a sense of predictability and control.

5. Seek professional help

If your fear is still impacting your functioning weeks after an event, consider seeking professional help. Therapy can help you to understand and manage your anxiety in a way that doesn’t interfere with how you live.

Visit the Quarterlife Center for more information on individual counseling after mass violence events.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

[quarterlifecenter]

Five Things You Should Talk About in Therapy

If you’re new to therapy, you probably have some questions about how it works. One of the most common questions we get at QLC is “what should I talk about in therapy?” Here are 5 helpful ideas to get you started.

1. Talk about how you decided to begin therapy.

Did something happen recently that led you to seek counseling? What have you been struggling with? Have you been thinking about doing this for a long time? Did a friend or family member encourage you to begin therapy?)

2. Share your feelings about beginning therapy.

Are you excited, nervous, ambivalent, angry, distracted? How does your body feel? Are you thirsty, hungry, tense?

3. Share how you feel now that you’ve arrived to your counseling session.

Were you stressed out trying to find the office? Did you arrive on time? Where you rushed? Is the appointment how you thought it would be? Are you feeling more nervous or less nervous now that you’re there? Are you physically comfortable in the office? Do you feel nervous, relieved, curious?

4. Talk about your goals for therapy.

Tell your therapist what you’d like to work on. What changes do you want to make in your life? What problems do you want to resolve?

5. Talk about whatever comes to your mind.

Talk about anything that crosses your mind. Sigmund Freud called this “free association,” which is the process of sharing whatever pops into your head in the moment.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

[quarterlifecenter]

Licensed Professional Counselor in Washington, D.C

Dorin is a licensed professional counselor with extensive experience working with quarterlife clients particularly from the LGBTQ+ community. At age 25, he encountered his personal quarterlife crisis which propelled him to authentically face himself and make meaning of his existence. As a result, he began to actively take responsibility for creating a meaningful life while engaging mindfully and intentionally those he encounters.

The journey of becoming himself continues and motivates him to come alongside other fellow sojourners through this stage of life. Dorin seeks to join quarterlifers in a therapeutic process of facing challenges and removing obstacles that block them from going deeper and further in their own personal journey of meaningful living. He enjoys working with individuals, couples and groups as he facilitates purposeful insights that will allow them to live their life more poignantly and reach their desired change.

In addition to helping his clients, Dorin loves spending time with his spouse and dog, catching up with friends, traveling, playing volleyball, and watching timeless cinema.

Education:

PhD (in progress) in Counselor Education and Supervision, University of the Cumberlands

MA in Professional Counseling

BS in Psychology

Schedule An Appointment With Us.

Advanced Training:

Cognitive Processing Therapy

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

Brainspotting

Approved Clinical Supervision

Approved Clinical Supervisor Certification

National Certified Counselor (NCC)

EMDR Certified Therapist

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Certification

Licenses

Licensed Professional Counseling

Washington, D.C., LPC

Virginia, LPC

Maryland, LCPC

California, LPC

Languages

Romanian

English

Personally Speaking

“I’m confident we can feel more alive, more connected, more engaged with the moment, more comfortable with the unknown and confident in responding to the challenges that come our way. I trust that the intentional and collaborative relationship we form in therapy, coupled with hard work can help you achieve the same assurances.”

Publications:

Harrichand, J., Knight A. M., & Captari, D. (2017). Emotional Intelligence and Counselor Burnout: Emotional Intelligence as a Protective Factor. Journal of Mental Health Counseling (JMHC), 35, 40 – 47.

Click here to schedule an appointment with Dorin.

[quarterlifecenter]

Mistakes Couples Make (And How to Avoid Them!)

Relationships aren’t perfect, and mistakes are inevitable. However, as you and your significant other learn and grow together, there are some common mistakes that you can avoid. Read through the list below to see how you can expand your perspective and improve your relationship now and for the long term.

Here are 5 common mistakes that couples make:

1. They talk about hot button issues while intoxicated.

If you have an important topic to address, make sure you put it on hold if one or both of you is drinking. Sometimes you may feel tempted to bring up subjects that one of you has on your mind, but being intoxicated often makes people more emotional and less tactful. Unfortunately, for many couples, discussing while drinking often escalates to arguing. To avoid this mistake, be conscious and mindful of the fact that this can happen. Remember: Don’t drink and discuss.

Before the night begins, agree together which topics are off-limits for the night and should be saved for discussion until the next day. Planning your communication in this way will help prevent any blow-ups.

2. They bring up sensitive topics without warning.

Some topics can be difficult to discuss at a moment’s notice. While you may be ready to discuss finances or having another baby, it’s unlikely your partner is in the same headspace at the exact same time. Likewise, you may not be ready to discuss traveling during the pandemic or whose family you’ll spend the holidays with when your partner brings it up.

For everyone’s sake, schedule these conversations so the timing works for BOTH of you. You want to make sure you’re both in the mental headspace to discuss these topics and that you have time to prepare and gather your thoughts.

3. They attack their partner’s behavior.

When you’re frustrated with your partner, you may feel inclined to accuse them of what they did. Often, we feel better after telling others what they did wrong. The result? It puts them on the defensive and makes it hard for them to be open to your feelings.

Instead, express to your partner how their action made you feel.

Instead of this: “You always leave your dirty dishes on the counter for me to clean up — you’re so inconsiderate!”

Try this: “When you leave your dirty dishes in the kitchen, I feel stressed out by the clutter in our shared space, and I feel taken for granted.”

This helps take the focus off of them and keeps it on you and your feelings. You can also ask your partner to tell you what their intention was (instead of assuming you know what their intention was). More often than not, your significant other didn’t have a malicious intention to hurt you. When you use “I feel” statements rather than blaming your partner, you open up communication so you can talk through how to resolve the problem together.

4. They hesitate to schedule sex.

Do you think about passion and intimacy as something that must be spontaneous? If so, you’re not the only one. Couples often think they’re doing something wrong if their sex life isn’t glamorous like in the movies and if sex isn’t just happening “naturally.” But that’s not how life works in long-term relationships. It’s easy for other things to take priority — work, household tasks, kids…

You schedule time for other things that are important to you: exercise, meals, work meetings, and social activities. Why shouldn’t sex work the same way? Sex is an important way for couples to connect and for you both to feel more vibrant and alive. Prioritizing and scheduling sex ensures that it won’t get pushed out of your relationship by other priorities. Having it on the schedule gives you something to look forward to, like scheduling date nights! Don’t be afraid to sit down with your partner and put it on the calendar.

5. They don’t express their needs.

People don’t always ask for what they need, even in a stable relationship. They may fear seeming vulnerable, weak, or needy or being judged by their partner. In fact, too often we fall into the mindset that a true partner will know what we need through intuition simply because they “care enough.”

Here’s the truth. Your partner can truly love and care about you and still not know what you need. And you are not forcing your partner to do something that they don’t want to do by stating your needs. As a grown and independent adult, you should feel comfortable articulating what you need. Your partner (also grown and independent) is able to decide how to respond and can articulate whether or not they can meet your need.

And don’t forget — just because you make your needs known doesn’t mean your partner HAS to do what you’ve asked. Your partner should listen and be curious about your needs, but depending on the request, they should feel free to decide whether or not they’re able to fulfill it. If you’re in a loving, respectful relationship, this is all part of ongoing effective communication.

Final thoughts

Understanding how you can avoid these common mistakes in your relationship can help you feel more satisfied in your relationship. The key? Have open communication with your partner. Relationship conflicts are inevitable, but having a solid foundation to navigate them makes all the difference.

For help, consider couples counseling with the Quarterlife Center. Visit here for more information.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

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Loss, Grief, and Mourning: Which Stage Are You In?

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Have you been considering grief counseling? While the symptoms of grief are part of a normal recovery process, it can be difficult to go through the process of mourning over days, weeks, months, or years. Grieving the loss of a loved one is particularly hard on quarterlife young adults for several reasons. In this post, we’ll discuss the symptoms that accompany grief and the stages, and associated tasks, of the grieving process.

What are the symptoms of grief?

These are some common symptoms of grief. Following a loss, you will need time to heal.

Guilt

Fear

Irritability

Headaches

Changes in appetite or sleep

Fatigue

Sadness

Numbness

Denial

Anger

Stage 1: Accepting the reality of the loss

The first stage of mourning involves both an intellectual and emotional acceptance of the loss. Grappling with the thought that our loved one has died is hard to handle, and you may find yourself reaching for your phone to text them or expecting to see them in the next room. It takes time for reality to set in. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

Stage 2: Experiencing the pain of grief

An important part of the grieving process is to let yourself experience the emotions that come with grief. These are often felt as guilt, anger, isolation, and sadness. While these are part of a normal grieving process, it can be difficult to deal with them alone. If you’re struggling to handle your grief, don’t be afraid to reach out to a counselor. They can provide you with strategies to address your grief. You can find additional resources about grief here.

Stage 3: Adjusting to an environment in which the deceased is missing

This stage involves various types of adjustment that will take place as your life continues without the deceased.

External adjustments: How the death affects your daily functioning

Internal adjustments: How the death affects your sense of self

Spiritual adjustments: How the death affects your beliefs, values, and assumptions about the world

Stage 4: Feeling emotionally connected to the deceased and moving on with life

In this final stage, you memorialize the deceased in your psychological life in a way that leaves room for others and your relationships with them. It is possible to create an emotional space for your deceased love one while maintaining a place for new relationships and moving forward. Take time to memorialize your loved one and create traditions to honor them.

Final thoughts

Are you seeking help for a recent loss? Grief counseling can help provide relief and help you feel less alone. At QLC, we provide both 1:1 and group counseling services with our therapists. Visit here for more information.

Citations

Worden, J.W., Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition, Spring Publishing Co., NY, 2008.

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

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Certified Career Coach in Washington, D.C

Caitlin is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Certified Career Coach who specializes in working with people in their 20’s & 30’s. Caitlin provides career groups and retreats at QLC. She believes that being in community can help quarterlifers build connection, inspire vision, and instill hope as people move towards their goals together. The unique thing about Caitlin’s work is that she has training both as a therapist and a career coach, and she integrates mental health counseling with career, relationships, and the rest of life to help clients take steps toward feeling better. Through talk therapy and career coaching, clients gain new insight into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which leads to more confidence.

When Caitlin’s not working, she enjoys taking zumba classes, being outside in the sun, and spending time with family and friends.

Education:

BA Corporate Communications, Elon University

MS Mental Health Counseling, Johns Hopkins University

Schedule An Appointment With Us.

Advanced Training

Certified Career Coach, The Academies

Certified Assessment Facilitator: EQi-2.0, EQi 360, MBTI, Strong Interest Inventory, Strengths Finder

Licenses

Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

Maryland, LCPC

Languages

English

Click here to schedule an appointment with Caitlin.

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With a few exceptions, you probably didn’t expect to face the death of a loved one when you were in your twenties or thirties. Because grieving a death is non-normative during this phase of life, a grieving quarterlifer is apt to feel like their peers don’t understand. Additionally, it can be challenging to find resources and help for grieving young adults. As a 25 year-old grieving client expressed, “my friends don’t know how to handle my sadness. I feel so alone . . . like everyone is tiptoeing around me.”

Experiences with grief can be multi-layered and complicated. Grieving the death of someone close to us, whether from COVID-19 or another cause, poses unique challenges during young adulthood and the quarterlife period.

In grief counseling at QLC, you will work 1:1 with an experienced grief counselor as you learn about the grief process and the tasks of mourning.

In addition to grief counseling, we also offer an online grief support group called “Grief During a Pandemic” for people in their twenties and thirties. The group meets for four sessions.

This online support group can help you:

Receive structured support from an experienced grief counselor in a small-group setting (max of 6 people).

Learn about the grief process.

Explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe space.

Connect with other quarterlifers who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

DETAILS

Group meets for 4 Sessions via Zoom Start Date: TBD by availability of participants Group meets on Thursdays 11:00AM – 12:00PM Max of 6 participants Four 60-minute group sessions Led by QLC Therapist Dr. Desiree Pearson $65/session

If you are interested in learning more about the group, please contact us.

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Counseling and Coaching for Your Quarter Life Crisis

Build The Life You Want

Counseling and Coaching for Your Quarter Life Crisis:<br>

Tailored for adults in their twenties and thirties.

Are You Having a Quarterlife Crisis

Are you entering a new phase in your life? Nervous about all of the changes? Or maybe you’re feeling stuck? Life transitions, like graduating from college, moving to a new place, ending a relationship, or getting engaged, can feel overwhelming. You may be having a quarterlife crisis, if you are:

Feeling lost in life

Having difficulty making decisions

Lacking motivation and feeling fatigued

Feeling tension between choosing a life of adventure (YOLO) and settling down (“adulting”)

Worrying that your friends are moving on in their lives

OUR MISSION

The Quarterlife Center (QLC) team is dedicated to helping you live life to the fullest by guiding you to build the life you want. We help adults in their twenties and thirties (AKA quarterlifers) discover what they truly want out of life and their relationships. Our philosophy is that immense positive growth and fulfillment can develop from a quarter life crisis. The challenges you are facing now provide unique opportunities for personal growth that can enrich the rest of your life. At QLC, we believe that the most important investment you can make is in yourself.

OUR SERVICES

We are committed to providing specialized counseling and coaching services that are tailored to the unique needs of quarterlifers. Our therapists and career coaches have decades of experience helping clients in their twenties and thirties navigate transitions during this phase of life. We are culturally competent, BIPOC allies, and LGBTQIA affirmative. All lifestyles are welcome.

Individual Counseling

Couples counseling

Premarital Counseling

Perinatal/Postpartum Counseling

Grief Support

Career Coaching

Virtual Therapy

Meet the Founder

Hey Y’all, I’m Christine, and I want to give you a warm welcome. I founded QLC to create a community so quarterlifers can get the support they need from therapists and coaches who truly understand the ins and outs of the quarterlife crisis. Having had my own, I assure you that the quarterlife crisis is no joke. Mine felt like self-doubt and uncertainty and looked like working in Spain, traveling to five continents, moving back to South Carolina where I’m from, and relocating to NYC. It was from my personal experiences and my graduate work at Columbia University and NYU that I was inspired to help quarterlifers navigate challenges such as my own. I opened my own therapy practice in Manhattan and expanded it in Washington, D.C., and QLC was born. Learn more about our awesome team.

Our philosophy at QLC is that counseling and coaching should be a partnership between you and your therapist/coach. We will work together to help you identify your passions, achieve your goals, and thrive in your life. Read our Client Testimonials to learn more about what it’s like to work with us.

Useful Links:

Career Compass Program - A 4-Week Program to Find Direction in Life and Career. Click here to learn more.

Build the Life You Want - Build the life you want with your purpose guiding the way~ Download A Free Copy!

Your Career Guide - Find out which areas of your professional life need some work! to this: Take Our Career Quiz Find out which areas of your work life need some help!

How Well Are You Adulting? - Take this quiz to find out!

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

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Signs & Symptoms of Quarterlife Crisis

When you graduated from college, moved out of your parents’ house, or took that other next big step into adulthood, you likely heard the following from someone in your life:

“This is the most exciting time in your life! Make the most of it. Live every day to the fullest. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.”

And yet, maybe it didn’t feel as exciting as it should have. In fact, your 20s and 30s, despite being the rumored “most exciting time of your life” can often be the most disorienting. It involves so many big decisions and new experiences that you’ll find yourself wondering, “What am I doing with my life?” or “Am I doing this right?” more often than you’d probably like.

As you go through these transitions, you may experience a quarterlife crisis. This phenomenon is incredibly common for quarterlifers. Keep reading to learn the signs and symptoms below.

What is a quarterlife crisis?

A quarterlife crisis is a period when someone in their 20s or 30s experiences overwhelming stress and anxiety regarding the transition into adulthood. Often, the person worries they won’t make the “right” choices and faces this anxiety as they transition from school to a full-time career, begin graduate school, move to a new city, end a relationship, get engaged, or budget their finances.

What are signs you’re experiencing a quarterlife crisis?

Here are some signs that you’re experiencing a quarterlife crisis:

You’re having difficulty making decisions and feel paralyzed about the next steps, even when you’re presented with choices

You’re lacking the motivation to move forward and you’re feeling constantly fatigued

You’re feeling lost with what you want to do with your life and you’re trying to figure out what you’re missing

You’re feeling tension between choosing a young person’s life (adventure, YOLO, etc.) and an adult’s life (settling down, making “grown-up” choices, etc.)

You’re comparing yourself to your peers who seem to have it all figured out and you’re worrying that you’re getting left behind

How did you get here?

If a lot of the above signs resonate with you, you may wonder how you got here. What brought on this quarterlife crisis? While these are incredibly common issues for most people in their 20s and 30s, some common stressors can lead to this uncertainty. Here are some events that may have you feeling this way:

Excessive job searching, interviews, or career planning

Struggling with living alone for the first time

Navigating new and serious relationships

Fear of major life changes or lack thereof

The COVID-19 pandemic and all the change its brought in personal and professional relationships

What can help a quarterlife crisis?

As noted above, a quarterlife crisis is far from abnormal for 20 and 30-somethings. If you’re experiencing the signs and symptoms above, you’re not alone! Here at the Quarterlife Center, we encourage you to face your quarterlife crisis and confront these important issues sooner rather than later. If ignored, they can bring about risky behavior and mental health issues.