#Psalm 147:11 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

5eraphim · 2 years ago

Note

Thinking about Medic fucking up his captive s/o so bad that they develop psychotic delusions of him being a god.. (Medic would probably just enable it because he loves the idea of his darling worshipping him and obeying everything he says <3)

YOUR MINDDDDD!!! This was so fun to write, thank you so much for the request ＼(^o^)／

(I didn't know if you were expecting a oneshot or headcanons, but I really wanted to write something lewd about this, hope that works for you! Reader is kept gender neutral here ✌️)

Summary: Reader suffers visions of lust for the divine, a secret kept hidden for some time now. But the darker the confession the more painful the penance, especially when Medic is the enforcer. And while atonement is necessary for salvation, the guilt always remains.

Character: Medic 🕊️ (Team Fortress 2)

Rating: X (MINORS DNI!)

Content Warnings: Heirophilia, priest kink, guilt tripping, BLASPHEMY, yandere, mind break, blood, needles (Or whatever the hell you want to call the vita saw), abuse of power, handjob

Word Count: 5k

MASTER LIST

TIP JAR

(Song Inspo- Cirice, Ghost)

"Call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you shall honour me." (Psalm 50:15)

"The Lord favors those who fear him, Those who wait for His faithfulness." (Psalms 147:11)

Breaking the room's silence, you heard a heavy wooden door creak open, sending a shiver down your spine. All day dark storm clouds covered any sunlight which might've peaked through the glass windows of your homemade chapel domicile, but even without sunset, you knew it must've been hours into the night. And for hours, you knelt on the lightly padded kneeler in front of the makeshift stone table you called your alter. The chapel was humble, hardly more expansive than a garage, but constructed with the utmost reverence to your Holiness. The small space allowed for little more than the altar, a pew, a few kneelers, a foldable wall to serve as your confessional booth, a bookshelf that held all your precious scriptures, and some candles to adorn the place, as well as to provide the only source of light in the room. Once, you kept a bed to rest on behind the pew, but now you slept on the bench, using nothing more than a towel for a pillow and a single sheet as a blanket. It was uncomfortable, but you would endure any discomfort to prove to your divine one that you needed nothing but this to get by.

There was a numb ache in your knees from remaining in this position for so long, becoming harder and harder to ignore the longer you forced yourself to stay in this position. Some candles around the altar burnt themselves out long ago, casting angular twisting shadows along the walls surrounding you. But despite how the serpentine darkness unnerved you, causing you to jump every now and then at an odd flickering shape just out of the corner of your eye, you dared not move. The only sound in the room, save for the steady pattering of rain outside, were the verses of scripture you resited again, and again, and again, murmuring under your breath. At the same time, you nervously fiddled with the beads of your rosary. You tried your best to focus all your energy on praying the rosary, but your mind was restless, and no force of will was enough to distract you from the guilt gnawing away at your conscience.

It was agony to endure this guilt, and you prayed desperately to see your Holy Guardian return soon, though upon hearing his arrival, you were far from comforted. Your vespers halted when the heavy wooden door creaked open, causing you to instinctively look over your shoulder behind you. Your beloved Father was finally home. "Are you still up, my Child?"

You swallowed nervously, unable to formulate any words. All day you dreaded the moment your Holy Father would return home, and now here he was, several paces away. Then, for just a moment, he stood at the door as you watched him remove his glasses to try and wipe away the raindrops. You watched him walk forward, withdrawing his damp overcoat, which fluttered like bird's wings behind him as he ran a hand through his wet hair to push away some of the water. Medic wasn't precisely drenched, but you couldn't help but notice how his damp clothing clung to his body, his broad athletic build clearly visible, even in the low lighting. You were so momentarily distracted by this you completely forgot he asked you a question until he stood almost directly behind you.

"You look unwell, little one. How long have you been here praying?" "I am unsure, Father." The concern in his eyes only worsened the suffocating guilt inside you.

"Sit with me then. Tell me what is troubling you." Medic watched as you attempted to pull yourself up. Still, the tension and numbness in your body were too great, and you stumbled a little, catching yourself on the high part of the kneeler, almost dropping your rosary in the process, which you quickly stuffed into your pocket. While still clearly concerned, Medic smiled gently, using his own hands to help hold you steady as he gently pulled you to your feet. You couldn't help but flush slightly, feeling his strong hands against your shoulders and back, aiding you to walk to the nearby pew. Time must've really escaped you, as standing upright and walking aggravated the ache in your knees. You held onto his hands for balance as you gingerly sat down, your legs trembling slightly, threatening to slacken at any minute. He sat beside you, causing you to unconsciously scoot away a little closer to the corner of the bench, and you bit your lip nervously, feeling your knees touching as he turned to face you slightly. The guilt you tried so hard to keep at bay all day now felt all-consuming. Still, despite the anxiety written across your face, Medic smiled, his eyes gentle and loving. It took all your strength not to wince when you felt his hands around your own. His gloves did nothing to downplay the intimacy of the moment.

"Tell me your troubles, Child. Open up to me, and I will listen." It was too hard to look him in the eye, to see the compassionate affection exhibited by your Savior, which you knew you didn't deserve. But, if you wanted to do the right thing, you knew it was time, to tell the truth.

"Heavenly Lord, I fear I have- um, I find myself troubled by certain, um… These awful visions in the night. Deep while I am sleeping. I see things I don't want to see and think things I don't want to. I feel this awful burning in the night, but when I awaken again, I can't- well, I can't describe it, but I feel so ashamed."

He squeezed your hands a little, causing you to briefly meet his eye, now colored by curiosity, before looking back down. You wanted so badly not to have to tell him what you saw, hoping naively simply confessing to the visions would be enough, but you could tell he wouldn't be content with that. "Oh? And what do you see?"

"I don't want to say… It's embarrassing, and I feel wrong thinking about it now." He leaned a little closer, his voice still gentle but with a definite edge.

"I can see that, but my Child, how can I absolve you of a sin you can't even confess? Am I not your salvation incarnate?" Your head jolted straight up, eyes wide.

"Yes, you are, my Lord! You are my light, my life- I would never doubt this!" Although he remained unconvinced, he could tell you were hiding something, and you weren't about to get out of this until he knew what it was.

"And do you doubt there is a sin so severe I can not absolve you of?" Chewing your lower lip nervously, you shook your head no slightly. Looking at his hands around yours as you spoke in a frail, unsteady voice.

"I see you, my Lord. But, I also see us together, but not as we should be." He said nothing, waiting for you to continue.

"I see us, or rather, I see you over me… I don't know how to describe it, though-"

Medic interrupted in a firm voice. "Tell me the truth." Your shame brought you nearly to tears.

"I see your body over mine- over my naked body… I see your hands stroking my skin and your mouth against my neck and shoulders. A-and everywhere you touch me, I burn, and it hurts, but I can't stop wanting more! We're on the altar bed, and-" Your breath hitched when you felt his fingers moving against your hands as though trying to urge you on, clearly sensing how bad you wanted out. And you couldn't help but fluster and stammer at this smallest, seemingly innocent, caring act.

"I know this is wrong- I don't want to think like this, I swear! But once these- these awful dreams start, I cannot stop them! And all I am so blinded by the image of my body against yours, as we- As we become one, my Lord."

Getting those final words out took so much effort, but now it is over. You told Medic everything.

Your heart wrenched as you saw his expression form into one of an almost pitiful disappointment. "I always feared it would come to this…." He trailed off. He pulled his hands away from yours as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He removed his glasses with one hand, rubbing his eyes tiredly with the other. Medic looked as though he somehow saw this coming, like he was privy to something you were utterly blind to. You pulled your hands back to your own lap as your fingers fidgeted restlessly. Nothing hurt more than letting down your Lord; sitting with this feeling only amplified your considerable guilt. Finally, you forced yourself to look him in the eye. He was already disappointed. You didn't want him to think you were more pathetic than you already felt.

"My Lord, I'm telling you the truth- These awful dreams, these visions disrupting my sleep at night, I can't understand where they come from. I don't mean to offend you; I just-" Your gaze dropped from Medic's face to your hands wringing anxiously in your lap. You no longer had the strength to look him in the eye, summoning all your resolve to force yourself not to cry. After all, what right did you have acting so pitifully before him? You were the sinner after all, yet here you were, cowering before your Lord. Weak, feeble, in need of his mercy and guidance.

"I suppose this isn't entirely your fault… I always knew this was coming. Perhaps I didn't expect this so soon, is all." You snuck a peek up at his face, and to your surprise, he didn't look disappointed as you feared, but something different you couldn't understand entirely. Still, you felt too unworthy to look upon his face much longer, bowing your head a little, facing your lap, trying not to think about how despite the situation, you felt so warm sitting so close to your Holiness, knees only barely connecting.

"Please, Father, I don't understand what you mean." He shifted his weight away from you slightly, leaning against the back of the pew, sighing through his nose, contemplating his following words carefully.

"I thought I noticed how your eyes seemed to follow my hands as I guided you in prayer. Or how some evenings you wouldn't follow my eyes, somewhat- distracted by my lips. Yes, I've always known how the human mind can be swayed by thoughts of lust and decadence… But maybe I was wrong for thinking you were strong enough to resist such… carnal impulses. You were all too aware of the tears prickling in the corners of your eyes.

"But I told you- I never asked for this! You know I'm not to blame here!" All in an instant, you felt a cold shiver run up your spine as you watched all former warmth and kindness vanish from his face all at once as he stared you down with his icy cold, narrowed blue eyes. "You think this absolves you of anything, sinner?" You were about to speak to try and defend yourself, but he cut you off before you got the chance.

"You are nothing but full of pride and arrogance if you think you're somehow holy for merely wishing your sins away! I never thought you were so foolish, so childish, but it would appear I was all wrong about you-"

"Don't say that, please, my Lord, I didn't- I mean no offense, you must believe me! I need you now more than ever! I'm so confused. Please tell me how I can atone for all of this!"

Your hands were clasped tightly as you begged the Medic to show you mercy. You didn't mean to offend him or cast doubt upon your devotion, but you were terrified. You desperately grabbed onto his hands, tears beginning to fall, your breathing erratic. You couldn't think clearly. You were too desperate to somehow prove to him you were worthy. But he continued to look at you coolly, his blue eyes harsh and stern. It was impossible to hold eye contact. Your mind was so wracked with guilt for what you'd done. Thankfully he spoke next in a more level voice.

"Tell me, my Child, and I want to hear the truth. When you think of these dreams, have you been touching yourself as well?" Instantly on the defensive, your face heated as you try to explain yourself.

"No! No- I haven't! I wouldn't do that to you- I wouldn't dare!" He looked at you skeptically, his lips pressed firmly together in a straight line. You could feel fresh tears sliding down your face. "My Lord, you must believe me! I'm sorry I was so greedy- I'm sorry I dreamt such perverse things while you were gone, but you know I wouldn't go so far!"

Unfortunately, he appeared to remain unconvinced. Medic softly petted the top of your head with a gloved hand, he didn't seem convinced, but at least his anger appeared quelled. Once again, you felt so overcome by the shame of your own actions you buried your face in his chest, momentarily forgetting your sense of restraint, unable to think of anything but doing whatever you needed in the name of forgiveness. Murmuring apologies and pleas for mercy between sobs, no doubt streaking tears into his vestments. Over and over in your head, you screamed at yourself. "Why did I have to lose control like that?" "How could I be so weak!"

"Please, my heavenly Father, I would rather die than betray you! I love you more than anything! But, just please, please, please tell me you believe me!"

He waited for you to quiet down a touch before he responded. "I wish I could have my Child. But you've disobeyed me." The moment these words left his lips, your heart sunk like a rock, as you felt frozen in place, unable to believe what was happening. It was like you'd just felt the air knocked from your lungs. You felt Medic's hand continuing to pet the top of your head.

"My dearest child, I'm afraid if you want me to believe you are faithful and to believe you are pure, you must pay." With your head still pressed against his body, your voice mumbled but still understandable, "Heavenly Father, whatever I must do to prove my faith, I will. Without fear and without any doubt." Medic's hand drifted from the back of your head to the side of your face to guide your head up to meet him at eye level.

"You'll do anything?" Without missing a beat, you answered. "Anything."

Medic nodded. "There is a way. I can absolve you of all your sins, but only for a price. If you truly wish to purify yourself of such… carnal thoughts of yours, all your distractions leading you from Holiness. I can forgive you of your perversions and restore your devotion to your Father. But, this will cost you." You could tell he was testing you, but there was no threat of pain dire enough to sway you now.

"My life is yours, My Lord. Do to me whatever it takes to make me pure again." He studied your face briefly, trying to tell if there was any final hesitation, but you were resolute. "All you need to do is obey. Follow my word, and have faith. Believe that I am your God and your Savior."

"I can." And with that, he nodded, rising. "Kneel at the pulpit for me. I'll join you there in just a moment." Eagerly your rose. Whatever ache you felt earlier was forgotten entirely. Kneeling once again before the altar reminded you of your cause. You were to live and serve your Divine Lord; if he wanted you to prove it, then you would. But when you saw the Medic returning, you couldn't help but shudder, all too aware of the fear you tried so hard to silence.

Medic held a kind of insidious instrument in his hand you'd never seen before. Your eye instantly draws to the wicked sharp tip, the awful needle easily the length of your forearm over a shorter yet wicked sharp blade. The hollow bulb at the back of the device made the thing look like some kind of mechanical mosquito, and you were about to be its prey. Your mouth went dry, and you felt dizzy just looking at the thing. Still, you forced yourself to remain as still as a statue, turning your gaze from the device to Medic.

"The price you must pay for your penance will be a blood price." The closer he walked, or rather, the closer the weapon got, the more sinister it appeared. If looking at it was terrifying, the idea of it going inside of you was even worse, but deep down, you knew this was what you deserved, and you brought this on yourself. So no matter how terrifying the punishment, you had no one to blame but yourself. Medic drew close enough to stand right behind you. With his free hand, he held yours, turning it upright, before using his fingers to try and find a vein in your upper arm, right above your elbow.

Goosebumps prickled all across your body when you felt the tip of the needle make contact with your arm. You could feel yourself breathing a bit heavier, your knuckles going while as you gripped the edge of the kneeler with your free arm, your other palm disappearing as you closed your hand into a tight fist.

"Now focus on me, think of only me. Let your God guide you back to the light, it will hurt, but only for a moment, and you'll be restored once it's over. Do you accept your penance?"

It will only hurt more if you watch, you reasoned with yourself, so with your eyes squeezed as tight as possible, you spoke. "I accept." While the initial pick of the needle's tip against your skin terrified you, the feeling of the needle digging into your flesh hurt all the more. The sting was far, far worse than any needle before. It was impossible to keep from wincing or to hold in your yelp of pain as you felt the needle burrow in deeper.

"Steady now. I need you still. If you move too much, we'll have to start all over."

You let go of your grip on the kneeling, biting down on your own knuckle to keep from screaming. If only you had something to hold onto in the hand being drained, but you had nothing but your own fist to tense down on.

"Now I'm going to pull blood. This is going to hurt. Just remember this is for your own good."

It was almost impossible to talk, but through grit teeth, you tried anyway. "Thank you, my Holy Father." And without another word, you felt Medic begin to drain your blood.

He was right. It hurt. The unbearable tension you felt from your teeth and skull all the way down to your curled toes burned like hell. It was hard to hear anything over your heavy breathing and the occasional whine of pain, but that was for the best. The idea of listening to this awful thing as it sucked your life away sounded far worse. How long has it been like this? How much longer would he keep you here? You had no idea, but it was becoming harder and harder to stay still by the second, and you were afraid you wouldn't last much longer.

You wanted to look at the altar, to remind yourself why you were doing all this, to think of anything to distract from the pain, but it was impossible to open your eyes. But instead, you swore you could feel a numbness in your fingertips and in your toes. Your head felt so heavy and tense, and you found yourself wondering, if only for a second, if Medic was done with you all together and if this was your last moment before death.

Then, just as soon as it started, you felt Medic pressing down over where he injected the needle before pulling out in one decisive strike. This was far worse than the insertion, the pain white hot, causing you to arch your back, your head falling back as you screamed in agony. The ache was terrible enough, but the nausea was just as miserable. When you felt Medic's hands leave your body, you slipped forward, panting, your upper body clinging to the top of the kneeler for dear life. It felt like the room was spinning or like the floor was about to give out at any second. The pain you felt before in this spot felt like a joke compared to what you felt now.

"Blessed are you, my Child. You have come to me with your sins, and I send you forth, cleansed and pure again. You have put yourself at the mercy of the divine, and you have been granted forgiveness."

"I don't feel so good…." You were still slumped over the kneeler. It was impossible to think of anything but the pain. You weren't even proud of yourself for withstanding it. All you wanted was to fall asleep. To wake up to a new day and to pretend none of this happened. Medic must've put the device away as you could now feel both his hands rubbing little circles against your back. You didn't want to think about what he wanted to do with your blood, the terrible needle was gone now, and that was all that mattered.

"Without sin, salvation is empty. You hurt now, but take comfort knowing the pain you feel is all your sin and weakness leaving your body."

You tried to nod, but you were too weak to remain upright. Your head began to bob forward as your body went limp. Fortunately, Medic immediately caught you, keeping you from falling directly to the ground. You didn't even know how you were still awake, but you felt like a rag doll, limp and no longer in control of your body. You could feel Medic supporting your total weight, guiding you back to the pew, laying you down, your head resting on his lap. You felt so terribly cold, curling up into a ball on your side. You were about to give in to the drowsiness all together, but only in turning your head to the side did you notice the straining fabric of Medic's trousers. "You did well for your Savior. Would you allow me to reward you for faith?"

For a second, you considered if this was a trick if Medic were baiting you, giving you one last test of the night. After all, actually seeing your Holy Lord in such a state after dreaming about him for so long, it all felt too good to be true. But to your surprise, when you turned your gaze upward to look Medic in the eye, you noticed how wide his pupils were, the flush or arousal on his cheeks, the teasing half-smile. You realized just as likely as this was a test to see if you really could fight back against your lust. Perhaps this was another test of your loyalty? It was impossible to tell, and you felt a familiar confused fear resurfacing.

"My God, I'm honored, but I fear I am unworthy…." Fortunately, he wasn't offended by your hesitation.

"To indulge in the sins of the flesh would be a mortal sin for any other, but you must know- I am no man. I am your Divine. To service me is an act of Holiness. Allow me to guide your hands." Your mind was caught in a whirlwind of exhaustion and desire, it was impossible to think clearly, but you were helpless to feel the need burning inside you. It was weak, and you didn't have the strength to give in together, but you were ready to take the opportunity while you could. The unstoppable desire to serve and to give everything you had to your Master.

He looked at you with eyes glimmering, shining with love and the faintest smile, "Sweet lamb, your desires are only unholy when you indulge in secret, away from me. But now that I am here to bless and guide you- If it is my mortal vessel you are so taken by, show me your devotion." You knew he was right, and you wanted to give in. You wanted to trust and have faith, but you couldn't help but hesitate. It was almost impossible to remember life before Medic, but you were confident you weren't nearly experienced enough to please him as he deserved. The idea of being put on the spot, of your Lord coming to you of all people for something like this? The opportunity filled you equally with anxiety as ecstasy.

"You are my salvation. My sole purpose for living is to worship and serve you. I owe you everything I have. To indulge myself like this- I don't understand how I could be worthy. I adore you, but am I enough?" Your words had no effect on him. If anything only spurred him on.

"Don't be so shy, my little saint. You've done so well to prove to me your devotion, and now I want you to show it. Take my hand." And with that final command, you obeyed.

You dumbly felt your head repositioned on Medic's lap as he undid his pants, pulling his undergarments down with them enough to comfortably free himself from the restrictive fabric. If you weren't feeling half-dead, you might've had the shame to look away, but now, all you could do was take in the sight before you. You felt like an outside observer, out of body and entirely at the whims of another, but still, you couldn't deny it felt good. Better than good. You were somehow flushed and tingly inside, feeling so pure and yet filled with lust, a sensation you'd never known before, as though your entire life had built up to this moment. All in the service of your God.

Medic was already quite hard, and you watched intently as he took your hand. His glove already pulled off, and you couldn't help but shudder at the skin-to-skin contact. With your hand open, he licked along the length of your index finger before he closed his lips around the digit. You never realized how many sensitive nerves were in your hand until you felt his mouth around your fingers. His skilled tongue wrapped around your fingers, coating each one with a bit of saliva. You felt his cheeks sucking in as he sucked a little harder, the lewd noises making the moment feel all the more erotic.

After he had his fun with this, you felt the chilly draft against the now wet flesh. Though for only a moment as your hand was pulled down to make contact with his warm flesh. He sharply breathed in through grit teeth, using his hand to tightly wrap yours against the shaft before applying a little friction. Even in your current state of mind, you could feel the tension in his body, and you felt so honored and privileged to witness your Holy Master consumed with lust. He was more beautiful than any man, angel, or devil you'd ever dreamed of.

It was hard to keep up, but you did your best to use your slick fingers to massage the flesh beneath his tight hold. You felt a holy kind of pride as you watched his brow scrunch, a breathy moan amid his panting, knowing you were doing so well to honor your God like no one else. Then, despite the vertigo, you forced your head to move, to use what little strength you had left to connect your lips to the wet head of his cock, and to kiss your Master, tongue out, ready to merge. It felt like your lips only connected with his anatomy for a moment before you felt him reach his climax. His breathy moaning and thrusting against you put all your initial erotic dreams to shame. You couldn't believe your Lord allowed you to see him like this, more charming than ever before. Even in your haze, you could feel the warmth of his body against yours.

When you rolled onto your back to lay on the bench more comfortably, you felt as though you could still feel his vitality, the essence within you. You were too numb to sense if any of the mess landed on you, but you were vaguely aware of the sensation of him rubbing around his lap and maybe even on you with a cloth to collect what he could of the mess. You wrapped your arms around yourself, sighing with bliss. With a gentle touch, Medic caressed the side of your face with his four fingers before you felt his thumb tap against your slightly parted lips.

"Swallow. This is the salvation you've awaited."

Your eyes were already shut, and you were thankful his touch was so gentle as he pushed the cum stuck to his finger into your mouth, which you happily allowed to pass your lips as you suckled. Then, finally, he pulled his finger out, running his thumb over your lips, trailing your saliva over them as he stroked the side of your face. But moments before you nodded off, you whispered, "My Lord, will you promise to pray for me? Will you pray I will one day be worthy to receive your grace? That we can become one?"

You weren't even sure if he heard your final words, everything was going black, and your mind was lost in the haze. Before slipping away into oblivion, your last memories were the lethargy possessing your body, his fingers in your hair, a salty aftertaste on your tongue, and the pattering of rain, sounding further and further away.

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