#Process Stability

[nipuni]

THE DOCTOR We had a pact, him and me. Every star in the universe, we were going to see them all.

My version of The Master and The Doctor in their Academy days 😊

A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on april 1st!

[knifebaby3000]

young prince

[kagender]

my neurons are snapping like cat gut strings

[somerandomdudelmao]

hi!! first of all, i love your art and would die for each character. second, what paint program do you use and which brush? im just getting into art and i have procreate, but i can’t find a brush i like. :(

Thank you:3

I use Procreate, too. The basic, simple round brush for comics. And the "pencil" brush, for the more detailed stuff

[eleyras]

Even if he already knew his friends were going to face him with hatred and resentment, because since he was a child he had known only violence and disgust at the hand of his own mother, even if he was facing mortal danger and betrayal from them, until the very end Will only thought about protecting them because they were the first people in his whole life he called friends, the first people in his whole life he allowed himself to grow emotionally attached to. And even when he realized that the illusion had shattered, that even Violet, his best friend and the person he believed in and whose affection he valued the most, hated him, he still couldn't transform his hurt in resentment, he couldn't forget his affection for them because it has been maybe the only reason he had wanted to fight, to live for after Bowhill.

And when James came back to him, when Will thought there was still one single person in the world who knew the truth and didn't hate him, there was still a chance to be loved for what he truly was without secrets and lies, the hurt and the betrayal didn't matter anymore because in Will's eyes the love and the acceptance of one single person was ENOUGH to wipe the sorrow and the guilt away, it was ENOUGH for Will to not feel alone in the world anymore, because even if he had lost his friends, his mother, his sisters, Violet, he still had James.

And then he realized that he couldn't have even that, the Collar around James's neck a cruel reminder that, again, he was unlovable, that the only way a person would choose him was under constriction, and not by free will, that every single word James were saying was hollow, like his past with his mother, like the life he was going to live for the rest of his days, a hunted animal, a hated monster, a fearful unnatural thing that should not even be in the world, that should be killed for sins he didn't even commit or remember, because it didn't matter that he was Will, it didn't matter that he was a child, a lost boy. The story repeated itself, the violence and the hatred coming at him again and again, without a way out, a chance to free himself from their vicious circle. All Will had ever wanted was to be Will, a friend, a brother, a son, a lover. And what hurt the most in the end is the realization that he would never have the chance again because no one would give him one.

[spacedace]

You know, 6am might actually be too early to watch a video of an actual, real medical procedure for adding plates to broken ribs just to write a quick paragraph for a fanfic.

[purpleandstarlight]

A-and then *hic*...he said...*sob*...he said "You're always right Ciel. There was no Father Christmas. That's why...I'm sure there's no such thing as God either."

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the thing they don't warn you about freshly pierced ears is the Sleep Anxiety

[brown-little-robin]

I want a church community 😭

[socksandbuttons]

I’m a new digital artist do you have any tips for starting?

ALRIGHT SO. it took some days to answer this sorry. Do everything. Like just go FOR it. In how u wanna draw. Not everyone has like... a similar way to go about digital drawing. (Some people paint, I do mostly cartoonish and cel...shading??) So whatever feels best for you. Sometimes you learn a new thing its okay to evolve in your art thats normal! Style is... a hard consistency bruh. Stabilization... is your friend if you really want a nice smooth line. (I use it sometimes if something not going great, esp if you want to really follow that sketch!) Lining IS an option. Dont be held back by lining. You can use the sketch, just duplicate the layer and erase some of those lines and boom! lineart. You can adjust as necessary. LAYERS ARE YOUR FRIEND. I draw on a computer so layers are quite unlimited. I know apps that restrain you to few tho which is Dumb but like i guess its a mobile art program. But dont be afraid to use them. Or one. You can get away with one layer, thats how i started before i learned about layers. (Art programs came a long way since then.) SAVE. FREQUENTLY. Also please PLEASE back that up somewhere that ISNT the app itself. If you lose the app or the login... good bye to all that. I have the luxury of usbs and an external hard drive. Just find a way to back that up. Art is a lot of memory and storage just expect that. And yes keep them because then you have something to look back on and go 'dang. ive learned'

The clipping layer is also very useful. u want your lines colored but theyre a different color?? You dont have to redraw that! You can clip a layer over it and color over the lines and boom. Colored lines. Same with coloring layers too btw. Very useful art thing to use. yes even in painting. Also this does help once a while but you dont always have to draw on white, u can change the bg color to something different (depends on the program u can default it to something else so u dont have like.. open the previous file to get the color again.) Like i will change it to greys blues or something lighter cause it turns out. things look very different on different colors. (color theory hello... i cannot teach u that.) There is always a free option somewhere. Do not worry. Um thats basically what i got for ya. Some programs have different perks for you that others wont tho. Such as csp and its delightful vector layers (Sai has this too but i CANT change the pen type. vs csp where u can use any pen. BUT CSP DOESNT HAVE MY WATERCOLOR BRUSH... that i adore.) Animating is a different proceedure. but What it is that i used for a while UHM... Pencil2d. Then i moved to opentoonz. (they are... very different... but opentoonz does infact make some things easier)

[ruvviks]

drastic + vincent please :3

DRASTIC [x] characters >> vincent mayer (oc), vitali dobrynin (oc) context >> july 2077; vincent and vitali are in tucson to try and figure out a way to stop vincent from dying after johnny silverhand has been successfully removed from his head total >> 1.6k words warnings >> death mention, hospital, needles, surgery mention

‘Vincent. Can you hear me?’

Wakey wakey.

Vincent could barely open his eyes, eyelids and head still heavy with sleep. The air surrounding him was surprisingly cool; as far as he was concerned it was the middle of summer, and he was in Arizona of all places. Wasn’t it supposed to be sweltering?

Someone gently took his wrist. The action itself did not hurt, nor did the feeling that followed– but it caused him instant discomfort that bordered on pain, the sensation cramping up his entire arm and it took him a second to realize it was the work of a needle that was stuck in the top of his hand.

He was in the hospital. He had just gotten out of surgery.

His eyes finally opened, bright light pouring in from the window on his left and momentarily blinding him as he groaned and tried to adjust. The nurse beside him gently placed his hand back on the mattress and hummed a song as she checked something on the screens, gloved fingers rapidly tapping on the keys of the digital keyboard as she typed in some information.

The soft hum of the devices around him was like a lullaby and Vincent slowly exhaled as he closed his eyes again; but a sudden weight on his chest– as well as the sudden realization of what the surgery had been for to begin with– violently ripped him back to reality and he gasped for air, as if all oxygen had suddenly been taken from his lungs.

‘Easy,’ the nurse said, placing a hand on his shoulder to prevent him from sitting up. ‘You’re alright, Vincent. Everything is fine. Try to breathe as normal.’

Easier said than done. He had a fucking cybernetic lung now– and sure, it worked, but the idea alone was more than enough to cause involuntary tears to well up in the corners of his eyes as he could feel his irregular heartbeat in every single inch of his body and his unstable breathing scraped painfully past the dry inside of his throat.

Ever since he had arrived in Tucson it had been one surgery after another. Preventive measures for the most of it– save from the removal of a bullet shard that had still been stuck in his head, the last bit Viktor hadn’t been able to dig out before– replacing damaged organs where possible and removing previously installed implants to minimize risks.

And none of it had helped so far.

Vincent was still very much dying, despite all their efforts. Initially thought to be the damage the Relic had caused in his body, irreparable at that; not so irreparable anymore but with all holes patched and the ship still sinking, he couldn’t help but wonder if Soulkiller was still working its magic.

Sure, the program had been on the Relic itself– but then again, all technology had gotten damaged by that bullet and with Johnny’s engram overwriting his psyche and then his psyche overwriting all of that to separate himself from the biochip, who knows what kind of malware had managed to sneak its way in in the meantime?

‘There’s a visitor waiting for you,’ the nurse said, shooting Vincent a gentle smile after he had managed to settle down again. ‘Would you like me to get him for you?’

‘Yes please, thank you,’ Vincent replied, not needing to ask for a name to know exactly who she meant, and he couldn’t stop his heartbeat from rising in excitement and relief when she left the room to call the man in.

It still managed to catch him off guard, to see Vitali Dobrynin out of his usual work attire. A sight he had gotten to grow more familiar with over the last few months– the whole situation with Johnny had driven Vitali out of the office often enough for Vincent to catch him in simple sweatpants and a hoodie on the regular– yet it still felt a little strange to him. “The man sleeps in a suit,” Jackie had once jokingly told him. Vincent wouldn’t have batted an eye.

‘How do you feel?’ Vitali softly asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed, sleeves of his flannel loosely rolled up and only partially covering his forearms. His hands were clasped together on his lap– for once not a single ring adorning his slender fingers– and he nervously ran his thumb over the side of his index finger.

‘Little strange,’ Vincent admitted as he reached out to take Vitali’s hand in his own. ‘The more I think about breathing, the harder it gets. I know it’s just between my ears, but– you know.’

Vitali quickly nodded, a light smile on his face as he shuffled a little closer and leaned in to press a kiss on Vincent’s temple. Which, of course, also caught him off guard; with the complete chaos of the aftermath of the attack on Mikoshi he had continuously forgotten about the fact he was dating the fixer now, and now that they could finally have some time for themselves it still did not feel entirely real to him.

‘Don’t you think all this is– I dunno, maybe a lil’ drastic?’ Vincent quietly asked, allowing the other man to cup his cheek and run his fingers down his face. ‘I mean– I don’t feel much different than before. Just increases risk of cyberpsychosis if anything. Even with all the removed implants.’

‘You might not feel it now but something is still happening in your body,’ Vitali simply replied, the pre-programmed answer he had been giving Vincent for weeks now. ‘Sooner or later you will start feeling it. And then you’ll be glad we had precautions done before it got too bad.’

‘Costs a shit-fuckton of money.’

‘Which I have.’

‘Well, I don’t.’

‘You don’t need to.’

Vincent clenched his jaw and exhaled sharply, the action causing his chest to tighten a little and he winced, brief panic overtaking him; but nothing else happened, the cybernetic lung doing its job perfectly fine, and he allowed himself to relax again.

It did not feel right to let Vitali pay for his surgeries. He had done so from the fucking beginning, no less– when Vincent had gotten a correction surgery on his chest and Vitali had told Viktor to put it on his tab, despite Vincent continuously telling him he’d get the eddies himself after his recovery.

But Vitali was a stubborn man– painfully so, insisting on helping Vincent wherever and whenever he could. Out of the goodness of his heart, of course; but definitely so out of guilt as well, having to live with the knowledge he had not been able to save T-Bug and Jackie and because of that so desperately trying to save Vincent while he still could.

If he even could.

Vincent lowered his gaze, softly biting the inside of his lip as Alt’s words echoed through his head again. He was dying; there was no denying it, even if he didn’t feel it just yet, and if they wouldn’t figure out what exactly was going on with him he wouldn’t make it to the end of the year.

If he had done the calculations right, he’d be on his deathbed on Vitali’s birthday of all days. He couldn’t do that to him.

But perhaps Vitali was right. Perhaps the surgeries did help and would at least give him a little longer than what Alt had predicted. Perhaps Alt had not even told him the truth; perhaps whatever was going on with him in that moment was only temporary and the effects would wear off the more time would pass.

But with more and more of his body turning into a machine, Vincent could not help but wonder if it wouldn’t just have been easier to transfer his psyche onto a fucking biochip too.

Would’a been a copy, V, you know that. At least you’re still you, now.

But for how much longer?

Even Johnny– or, well the voice in Vincent’s head pretending to be Johnny– couldn’t answer that.

Vitali suddenly turned, pulling his legs onto the bed and moving closer until he was sat directly next to Vincent, leaning back against the raised mattress. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders– and Vincent in return moved closer without hesitation, burying his face in his boyfriend’s chest, grateful the painkillers were numbing most of the pain in his upper body.

‘We will figure this out, my love,’ Vitali softly mumbled and planted a kiss on the top of Vincent’s head. ‘I promise. I’m not giving up on you.’

He had paused all his business and tossed aside all his responsibilities to help Vincent find a cure. Had left Night City behind– had left his business in the hands of Mikhail– and even now weeks later he was still there by his side, paying for his surgeries and keeping him company through it all. Of course Vitali was not giving up on him– and Vincent had never received such devotion before, to the point he had no idea what to do now that it had fallen right into his lap.

‘I love you,’ he simply whispered in return, on the verge of choking back tears when he felt Vitali momentarily tense up. ‘I love you so much.’

He didn’t know how much time he had left. He didn’t know if Alt was right, he didn’t know if any of what they were doing there was helping him at all–

But at least he wasn’t alone.

At least he had Vitali.

[saltpepperbeard]

you ever feel trapped? like you’re just treading water, waiting to drown?

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

toxic job ad descriptions be like "must have had career stability over the last few years" when so many career fields are actively going through constant lay-offs.

[trashlie]

Shinae the Light vs Yui the Shadow

This post heavily discusses episode 138 but also pulls from 170, 179, and 180 and discusses things up to 214, but nothing from the FP epsiodes! 

Earlier today I read this post and it got me thinking a LOT - and trust me that I’m going to ramble about something else shortly outside of this lol - regarding shadows and lighting!

One of the episodes that most deliberately plays with lighting and shadows in a very in your face way is episode 138, where Shinae speaks to Rand about wanting to renegotiate her contract. It’s an interesting episode, because Shinae is met with another side of Rand than the man (the father) who was trying to help Nol. This version of him shuts her down immediately and informs her that he has no jurisdiction over her contract.

As readers, we can deduce that he is speaking this way because Yui is around and he cannot divulge any bit of knowledge that he has been working with Shinae, that there is any sense of relationship there. But also, he isn’t lying in that he can do nothing about her contract. Interestingly, he is in the light where she is in the shadow. He’s not the focus of this moment, but I find that very interesting regardless - Rand is unable to help because he doesn’t have that power. They aren’t on equal footing here. One is in the dark, one has the power of illumination - he knows more intimately than Shinae who and what Yui is.

But my thought is not about Rand but rather Shinae and Yui.

Throughout their conversation, Shinae is in the shadow. She is part of Yui’s trap, in a pit she cannot crawl out of. Yui wields power over her both in the sense of her employer and also as a person who has played with her as prey. Yui, too, is in the shadow. While some light casts on her, she faces away from it and it doesn’t reach her face.

I’ve wondered a lot about Yui and what her situation is, why she is the kind of person she is. I don’t think she’s without reasons - I just think we don’t know enough about her to really know yet. One of the popular theories is that of the Mukoyoshi Theory - that is, that a Japanese family with no male heirs will “adopt” the husband of (one of) their daughter, who will take their last name, rather than she take his. In this case, Yui comes from a Japanese family with a family business and it is deducible that there is no male heir. Hansuke’s family name is Shishido - not Hirahara, which means he’s related by his aunt (and Yui has mentioned her before to him). Rand, who we know is not Japanese, married into the Hirahara family and adopted their name and became a part of their family. Thus, his affair with Nessa is even more of a blight - he has a duty to the Hirahara family. It is his responsibility to not mar their name and upkeep their prestige.

We could do a whole think piece about this, and it really gets into my thoughts on Rand and Yui’s relationship, but to sum it up: it is clear that Yui wants to be the one in control, but must defer to Rand, and that she resents it. This is HER family business. I think she wishes that she was the one in control, and that she could wield that control without having to go through Rand. Yui harbors resentment for a patriarchal society in which she wields no power. There’s a lot to read into re: the way she wields her femininity as a tool, but that’s a whole other post. The point is: Yui resents that she does not have the power she thinks she deserves, the power that she’s capable of, and that fully plays into Shinae.

But, for the sake of this post at this time, it’s essentially that Yui, too, exists in the dark, in the shadows. She can only run this company through others - through her marriage to Rand, through Kousuke, the sole heir. But as powerful and intimidating as she is, she, too, is trapped. She, too, is relegated to the darkness, because it is only from the shadows that she can operate. Yui wears a constant mask, always putting on the front of a concerned mother, a feeble frail lady, a sweet simpering maternal woman. The real Yui lives in the shadows. She’s not allowed to freely be the person she wants to be, she puts on a front for society, for the patriarchy, for the sake of being able to move in the shadows.

Shinae’s objective is to escape the shadow, the prison, the dark. She longs to escape poverty, she longs to escape the prison she turned herself into, she longs to escape the job in which she feels unsafe, the contract that she signed, the agreement she made under false premises. She longs to escape Yui’s reach. And while she can’t escape most of those yet, she still works towards the light. unlike Yui, who has accepted that she belongs to and operates in the shadows and pulls people into them with her, Shinae strives for the light at all times. She wants to be a better daughter, a better friend. She strives to be able to help out her father and create a better life for them. And especially since the black and white formal, Shinae’s inclination towards the right side, the side of light, has grown stronger.

It’s not a bad vs good kind of thing so much as Shinae chooses to work honestly. She’s trying to address the things that scare her - the insecurity she felt about Maya and Rika’s friendship, the quiet plaguing fear that maybe Minhyuk also just tolerated her. She’s had difficult conversations with her father, she has had difficult conversations with her friends. Instead of shirking into the shadows, Shinae moves towards enlightenment. Even if things end, isn’t it better for them to end on good terms, with understanding? Even if she gets hurt, isn’t it better than she gets hurt being honest, than never progress at all? Even if she fails, isn’t it better to make effort than live with regret?

Shinae leaving Yui by way of the light is pointed. Yui’s goal is to pull everyone down with her. If she lives in the shadows, so, too, must everyone else. And the thing about this scene is - I think Yui means it, genuinely. She has a very different way of seeing the world than Shinae and even much of us as readers. Shinae believes in working hard; Yui understands that privilege and connections are more powerful. Yui can see in Shinae the makings of a strong, powerful woman - but power doesn’t have to look one way. For Yui, power is controlling those around her, especially the ones who are meant to have power over her. In a world where men are the all-power, Yui feels powerful when she can manipulate and push them around.

But when she tells Shinae she doesn’t want her to make the “wrong choices” I believe her. It’s just... what does Yui consider to be the wrong choices? Much in the same way that so much of ILY changes based on whose perspective you view it through re: Nol and Kousuke, we the same of Shinae and Yui. Yui is a woman who knows how to make the world yield to you, how to get what you want out of it.

This is a whole other tangent, but because I’m trying to validate my Yui views lol, I believe this is part of what Yui has done with Meg and Alyssa. In fact, I feel like Yui has absolutely treated Meg and her obsession with Kousuke as a joke - what woman demeans herself in such a way for a man? It’s the complete opposite of Yui’s power. Men yield to HER, not the other way around. Is Alyssa a test of her will, to see how much she will bend before she can break? Does Yui hope to find a hidden spine in her, someone who will eventually push back? I think that’s why she has shifted to Shinae - she has the fight and the spirit that Yui wants to mold. Shinae is strong and faces her fears. But she also stands for the complete opposite of Yui, which makes her a fun challenge.

As Shinae moves into the light and leaves Yui to the shadows, Yui makes an attempt to pull her back into them. Or maybe, rather, she’s planted the seed? It’s an ominous moment, Yui’s certainty that there will be a time when Shinae will go running to her, will want her help, her step up in the world. But at this moment, Yui is unsuccessful. Though Shinae cannot renegotiate her contract like she wanted, she still makes the choice to deny Yui’s offering. She will continue her path in the light. She refuses to let Yui pull her down into her shadows.

As much as we view this story as a game of chess between the white and dark side, so much of it gets told through the shadows and the light. Who else spends his time illustrated in the shadows, existing outside of peoples’ view, wearing a mask out in the light? Nol is one of Yui’s prey - he’s learning how to stand on his own feet as himself, but so much of his imagery has been enshrouded in shadows, a victim of Yui for so long that he’s forgotten how to make his way out of the dark, until now.

Shinae has the ability to bring him out of the shadow, to give him the eventual courage to exist outside of the shadows, to allow himself to enjoy the light. Every time he turns away, he finds himself drawn back in. Every moment he’s angled himself away from her in effort to stay where he thinks he belongs, to skulk in the dark, he still ends up moving towards her.

And every time that Nol choose to go towards Shinae, he moves towards the light.

Like literally lol. In the pool, he basked there in the dark, willing to finally throw in the towel accept that peace, but because of Shinae, because of his penance, he chose to move towards the light once again. Maybe he thought it would be for the last time, but we’ve seen better.

Shinae guides him back out of the shadows.

And that brings us to my next post: how Shinae is the true adversary of Yui. 

Really, go read @denjidomination​’s post! It’s got me going off on a whole different tangent than I planned to this week, but I think I’ll be able to get to it before the next update. I’ve said for so long now that Shinae is very likely meant to help bridge Nol and Kousuke, but I think more than that, Shinae is the guiding light for them - that in very different ways, both Nol and Kousuke exist in the shadows and are imprisoned by their circumstances and experiences, and Shinae, I think, is the one who will be able to help them fight back against that darkness. I don’t mean this in a “She will save/fix them” kind of way as much as her presence in their lives, what she means to them, will help them to move from that which holds them down. 

But I have a headache so I have to work on that another time lol 

[jvzebel-x]

i was like, "when was the last time i had a Manic Panic moment?"

&the Manic Panic was like, "too long, i missed you."

so, obviously, i repierced my tongue.

♡