#Probably one of those ones big executives use for their teenage sons

[masquenoire]

How many times could one reword a simple question? At least a dozen. It was a simple question but the reply he'd get would depend on the mood of the man he was asking. Oh boy.

"Where do you get your suits? Who does the fitting, I mean?"

@ratwhsprs had something to say after recent events...

Roman could have clapped his hands in glee. To think that the sewer-dwelling pipsqueak was finally showing an interest in fashion! Well, he had gone out of his way to chase Flannegan down just to bring up the very important point of the upcoming 84th Annual Villy Awards (and the fact that the younger male was most likely under-dressed for the event), but the little man had shown initiative by asking such vital questions and for that he'd earned one less punch from his next beating should he again cross Black Mask. "Ah, an astute question. My suits aren't the trash you'll find in any regular store out there. I get mine directly from the lovely Marsha Claridge herself, head of Paragon Fashions. Only the wealthiest or most well-connection people can afford her line of clothing, but for you, I think I can hook you up with one of my old suppliers. I'd ask Marsha, but I have a feeling she's quite busy with an upcoming event..." He smirked. If Roman knew Marsha, she'd be hard at work making an outfit to dazzle the crowd during the Villy Awards... "I still own the Fashion District over Midtown so keep those little ears of yours open while I ring up my old contact. Pretty sure he's got plenty of nice outfits that would look good even on you. Do try and find a shower before then though, or I'll have to give you a dunk in the bay." His words trailed off into an unpleasant chuckle. Still, it would be nice to catch up with Cavalli after all this time. The man still owed him a couple of favors and fitting Flannegan would take no time at all.

[pressureplus]

I actually have this request in my head for a while now... but I'm not sure if you be up to do it so thank to let me know if you will do it or not. Fem! Reader who is happily married and live together with Sebastian (when he still human). Until, Sebastian was arrested and sentence to dead. Reader found no long after his dead that she was pregnant. Years later, Sebastian manage to escape Hadal Blacksite probably very injured in the process. He was soon spotted by the kid that look similar to his human self (the kid probably be now close to be a teenager now), as the kid call up their mother. Sebastian was shocked to see his wife come to view.

I'm looking 👀

Love this dramatic shit, I'm SO here for it!

I'm going to be referring to your son as S/N, so y'all can name your boy yourselves! (I'm real interested in the stuff you might choose, so if you wanna put them in the replies, I'd love to see your baby names!)

Smaller Hands

Pairing: Sebastian Solace x Fem!Reader

Au: [Unnamed]

Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy, an Absent Father, injury, and Imprisonment

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

He had been running a very long time before he got to where he was now.

Escaping the Blacksite was only the beginning of his long, long journey home. He had wrestled himself from the depths of the deep ocean and fought his way all the way up to the light far, far above him.

Breaking through the surface of the water had provided him with a hope he never thought he'd see truly grow into something he could really hold. Sunlight and open air and a horizon that stretched endlessly in every direction... Sebastian hadn't known freedom in over 10 years, but there it was.

The way the natural light caught the glint of his wedding ring had him already tearing through the water with a grin, energy back in his tired body. It certainly wasn't his original ring, no, that one wouldn't fit on his new, much larger hand anymore, but the replacement that he got so he could wear a ring on his hand and not just as a pendant was enough of a visual reminder of his love, sending him treading the water the way this body was made to do. He had to get to his wife.

He had to see his Y/N again. That's always what his efforts were for.

It was days before he even reached a beach, and weeks of dragging himself through the shadows and the alleyways, keeping himself out of sight. He would squint at road maps and try to figure out how he was going to get himself home, not very well able to get on the public transport or drive himself there with a body like this. He had to be more than a little creative with how he was going to cross the countless miles between his lover and himself if he wanted to make it there at all. He'd spend his seemingly endless days hopping trains and swimming rivers just to close the distance faster, like it may wash away the last decade he's had to go without her.

Sebastian could only hope she waited for him, though those chances were next to none. She had been there the day he was 'executed', watching him get taken back to the chair that was supposed to put his story to its end. She has every right and reason to think he died that day, and he could never be angry or upset if she decided she still needed to be held the way his other hands used to hold her... Would these hands even fit her anymore? They'd outgrown his first ring... Would they be too big to hold hers anymore? The painful thought was a reoccurring one, and it plagued every dream he had in the moments he would manage to rest.

He's nearing his old cottage now, beaten and scarred from the long trip home, more than a little bit tired and definitely hungry. He's barely going to make it if he manages to get to the doorstep at all, but more thankful than ever he'd made his home with her outside of the city and out into the woods so he might have a moment to his thoughts. He could very well find her with another man, or he could find a completely new family, or even find nothing but flowers and trees- The life that he made with her could be all but ashes on a breeze that swept this place years ago. She could be a memory and this could all be for nothing just as easily as anything else. He wouldn't even have a right to be angry... He wouldn't even feel a right to cry if she's decided to move on.

"SNAKE MAN! SNAKE MAN!!!"

He's shaken from his pondering by an unfamiliar voice, a starry eyed child fumbling out of the bushes like a little animal.

He nearly panics and flees before the brave, feral little boy reaches out for his hand and looks up at him like something right out of a story book- Which, he supposed may be fair given the way that he looks now.

"Are you a forest monster!? Do you grant wishes and eat people and stuff?!" It's clear the boy doesn't know fear, young and small still, with new eyes... But familiar ones.

Sebastian's heart drops into his stomach when he begins to recognize the thick, dark hair and deep brown eyes. This boy is the spitting image of the way he looked when he was around 10 or 11... It's like he's been pulled right from Sebastian's old childhood photos.

Too dumbfounded to speak, Sebastian stands there, every muscle in his body tense while his eyes flick around the boy's face trying to figure out how this could be.

"S/N! What are you doing talking to strangers, you were supposed to be at least playing in the yard and not the woods before the sun started setting." Y/N rounds the trees with a stubborn look on her face and immediately freezes when her gaze meets Sebastian's.

The air is knocked out of the both of them, leaving them only able to stare, and he notes the way she's remained nearly the same as the day that he was forced to leave her behind. Like a flower that never wilts, she stands as beautiful and as amazing as she was when he had first met her. Frozen with an expression he can't place, she makes no motion to do anything at all. The larger man acts first at the realization she must be frightened of him, going to put his two unheld hands up and open his mouth to explain himself-

"You said not to talk to strangers, this is CLEARLY a forest monster." Little S/N beats both of them to the punch and confirms to Sebastian all at once that his attitude is as strong in his blood as that unruly dark hair is.

"Heed your mother, would you? I could very well eat you." Sebastian ushers the child forward with a playful threat, the boy in reference pouting and looking back up at him.

"Come on, I'm only out a little bit late! It's not dark yet! Monsters only eat people in the dark." The boy argues, unfamiliar with the idea of real danger, it seems, but certain of himself the way only children really can be.

"Sebastian I can't believe it... Is it you? Am I losing my mind?" Putting the scolding and corrections on her son's statements off for a better time, Y/N looks up at the mutated form of her lover, hoping she might be right. When Y/N speaks, it's soft and uncertain, a hand going to rest on her child's shoulder so as not to lose him while she's distracted.

"You recognize me?" His heart practically jumps into his throat and he struggles to cope with how quickly she's guessed it was him.

"If not for the way one soul knows another, then for your voice and... Our ring." Unafraid just as well, she walks right up to the towering creature and brings her hand up to the necklace it's strung onto around his neck.

"Am I too late?" Sebastian asks, still scared.

"You're late, but never too much. You had better come home now though." She gets firm near the end and he laughs, melting.

"Awe that's no fair! I'm in trouble for being a few minutes late and he gets to be gone forever!" The boy whines and Y/N seems to laugh when she ruffles his hair.

"You can be out of trouble because it's a special day. Now, let's go home and get you to bed." Y/N's eyes stray back up to her husband, the fondness that was there in those beautiful eyes he fell in love with was something that had grown blurry and hard to recall until now. The way her gaze rested on him so softly brought him back like he'd never left in the first place.

"I think I have some things to talk about with your monster, here." She smiles at him and goes to slide her hand into his, the cold feeling against his palm of her own ring -the matching one to his from the promise that they'd made at that altar a long time ago- made him feel warm again, and made him feel alive.

"Yes, I've got a lot of things I've been waiting to tell her for these years we've spent apart."

[popculturebuffet]

The KaBlammiest Retrospective: KaBlam! Season 4 Review: See Ya When We See Ya (Comission for Cory Bryant)

Hey there kablammoids, assume the crash position, keep your heiner in the recilner and get ready for more KaBlam! It's been a long ride but we're almost at the end: we're at the show's final season and next time we have some loose ends, some final thoughts, and close out this retrospective proper.

For now though we're looking at Season 4 of KaBlam, the final season, one constantly shuffled and screwed around by the network. The "screwed by the network" part isn't remotely suprising as Nick, for all the warm fuzzies it brought us as kids... has a track record of being absolutely awful in how it treats it's shows. A show is LUCKY if it gets two seasons most of the time, especially nowadays, and even if you do get those two seasons or more, the final season may be shuffled around all hours of the night and day so that you can't actually watch it. KaBlam, Danny Phantom, Hey Arnold, a LOT of nick shows had their final seasons just.. trickeled around. And tha'ts if your lucky: once sister network Nicktoons was established it became Nick's go to to dump off a series when it didn't meet their impossible expectations (I.e. being an overnight success, of which only Loud House has really met those goals in recent years), the third season of My LIfe as a Teenage Robot was left in limbo for years, and currently they just decided to.. not air the rest of big nate season 2 at all and remove the rest from paramount+. Viacom is awful is what i'm getting at and always has been.

So KaBlam getting kicked in the teeth in it's final go round wasn't a suprise. It's also not suprising given the series meta nature that they amped up the shots at the network, creating Mr. Stockdale, the exec running KaBlam this season to clearly vent about how brainless the execs at Nick were/still are.

It's also clear even with a possible spinoff.. they knew they were towards the end. There's episodes about the kids fretting about their future careers, and the ending makes it clear they knew they probably weren't coming back, leaving it OPEN to a return (or a revivial, HINT HINT PARAMOUNT), but knowing it probably won't happen. The end was a comin and this was a last hurrah and the Henry and June shorts made the most of this.

Outside of the host segments, there's a unique feel to the season: Sniz and Fondue are now truly gone, and in their absence we get more pilots than ever. There are a TON more animated shorts this season. This is a mixed blessing as there's a ton of great new shorts and we get not one but TWO music videos for they might be giants as well as a wholly original concept from the same team as the Henry and June segments, Dave Son of Hercules, and some true bangers to go out on.. but also a few misfires that were likely given the space as they needed whta they could get. It feels right though that KaBlam goes out with an influx of original shorts: it came in giving indie animators a shot and goes out giving every last one it had left a shot.

This torch would be picked up by O-Yeah Cartoons at least, but that's a story for maybe another day. For now let's see what KaBlam saved for it's final act.

As I mentoined in the overview , the final season of Henry and June shorts doubles down on the mocking of executives as their now given a character to represent them, Fred Stockdale.

Mr. Stockdale is a spacey old man who is barely aware of anythinmg happening to him, takes naps in his office frequently, and forgets what he's doing. He is a burden to deal with most times our heroes have to and most times he interjects with the show he messes with it. The writers were not subtle.

Stockdale features in about half of the episodes and how entertaining he is largely depends on the joke. Him just saying Henry and June's names wrong or being spotty.. is something i've seen done better by better characters

He works best when he's clearly just off in his own weird world, offering them snacks when they bring up a labor dispute, smashing his cell phone because it annoyed him , not realizing he's lost in the woods, or spending a good chunk of the show's budget on a train because he likes choo choos. He is also decent satire, showing how execs tend to be completely detached from projects they have far too much say in.

Another thing i noticed is the show keeps it's secondary cast around. Henry's mom appears for the third season in a row and gets two apperances, and i'm utterly exastic to report Jimmy , June's sidekick from last season returns.

Stylistically season 4 of Henry and June largely trucks on. While there are more shots at the network, and again not unresonably, it's otherwise a lot like season 3

That being said even with the unfair cancelation.. you can feel fatigue setting in a bit. The first half has a decent ep or two, but as I typed out my thoughts on each episodes I realized a lot of these are just.. meh. Not terrible to watch, but nothing really special like the last two seasons. There's an exception or two but most of these are just passable. Not bad, but probably best the series ended where it did. I do wish Marek would ge tmore work though as his work is great and the art here is as good as ever, and the final episode and his original segment for it show he still had legs. It's just clear they kinda took these two as far as they could.. and makes me dread the spinoff pilot next time. For now though..

Sasquatchersise: Henry and June have put on some weight, which heavily reminds me of a later home movies episode with the same premise, but honestly does it just as good: turns out they have to pass a physical fitness test and there's only one man who can help them

Yes fitness guru Richard Simmons. For those less familiar with him he was a fitness instructor who made a killing via vhs and has currently retreated from the public eye. He's doing fine, he simply decided to live privately and occasionally post on facebook. And honestly given the number of celebrties going the right wing jackass route, it's refresshing that richard simmons isn't ranting into daily wire he's simply.. retired. That's it. That's all. Good fo rhim

He tries his best but ultimately can't help the two loose weight in time.. thankfully in a really nice button it turns out they just have to withstand slapstick. A decent start to the season, mostly because I have a soft spot for Richard due to a combo of my grandma having his tape as a kid and that simpsons bit.

Takes a Knockin and Keeps Tick Tockin: This is a strike episode, as Henry goes on strike after finding out Mr Stockdale is having him injured for money. Given the sheer amount of abuse Henry takes, I can't say I blame him. June naturally only gets involved when she gets hurt and even more naturally they get replaced by robots.. and only get their jobs back because the robots malfunction. This one has a good start but fizzles out in the second half. The robots thing just isn't that funny nor is our heroes begging for their jobs back. It's mehtacular!

In It To Win It: A fantastic one as Henry and June get a today show style window outside their set and quickly the fandom grates on them. From unsettling hairy men to june cosplayers beating June up not realizing it's her, to their attempts to ignore them leading to their viewers looting the set it's a really great time.

The Best of Both Worlds: Our heroes want to go to the real world and try various shenanigans to get there. The first half is fine, but it really gets good in the back half when they casually find out there's just.. a door to the real world and we get real kids in wigs overdubbed playing the two, who decide the pain isn't worth it. My faviorite part is the final joke as it turns out Mr Foot just gets pizza from the real world all the time and our heroes hot doggin and grandstanding quickly deflates. Decent stuff but like Takes a Knockin and Keeps Tick Tockin, a bit lopsided.

A Nut in Every Bite: This one's a tad dervative as "boy gets crush on girl but won't actually talk to her" is a Nickelodeon staple. What works here is unlike some of Nick's own examples, Henry is portrayed as an idiot for not talking to Mr Stockdale's niece dawn, especially since she makes it clear she just wants him to say it himself. Henry doing more slapstick than usual to get her attention and June's utter exapseration make this one work.

Now With More Flava: This one is just.. depressing in hindsight. It's one of the better eps of the season objectveily, but it's VERY hard to seperate from reality. The opening bit is funny as our heroes find John Stamos, who I think is voice dby himself, working security and worry their star is fading. The thing is.. the characters stock DID go down eventually: while they did host segments fo ra while they disappeared and unlike most other nick shows from the era, nick dosen't seem to give one iota of a shit about this one nostalgicly: henry and june are just.. absent form murals, posters, group shot merch, all that good stuff. So this episode was just sadly prophetic, ending with the two working security themselves after trying to cash in.

Timeless: This one is a lot of fun as the two bury a time capsule and our heroes keep pissing off mr foot by forcing him to redig it: We get henry trying to bury his report card, June dumping out the stuff henry wanted for her merch, and a giant capsule getting dumped into some poor guys apartment. It's good stuff. The ending, mr foot stuffing them in , is fine if a bit obvious. Still it's such a fun segment it's hard to complain too long.

The Ka-Blair Witch Project: Another classic. The Ka-Crew have a team building retreat in the woods, with Henry, June and Mr Foot joined by Jimmy, Mr Stockdale and Henry's Mom in her final apperance. Mr Foot abandons them, even if he comes back in the credits, leading to lots of fun hyjinks from our heroes. It's good stuff. I've seen plenty of camping disaster episodes, but this one benefits from using the characters to their fullest.

Going the Extra Mile: This one.. was annoying. Ryan, an annoying kid from their class, wins a fan contest. His voice just.. grates on me on an atomic level and his schtick is something i've seen on a LOT of shows and done better. You know the drill. And given it was almost 2000 by this point, it's late neough in the shows run that I can't give it as much slack for this. The annoying fan plot was done better and would be done even better after this. Spongebob and Flight of the Conchords eat this episodes lunch. As does the film hot rod if only for richardson's sweet moves.

On the bright side Ryan does get shoved in the trunk of Mr. Foot's car, which h'es excited about as he's driven off to dig his own grave.

Under New Managment: This one is okay. Mr Stockdale tasks our duo with firing mr foot, a task made hard by the fact he won't wake up for them to do it. Henry tries twice, mostly because well Mr Foot has pummled him a bunch. The payoff joke, that they get him a new job as an executive is fine, it's just a forgetable plot>L it's a good concept they just don't do much with it apart from June getting him a job as an air traffic controller... so mr foot murdered a LOT more than the three people we've seen thus far on his way out. classic mr foot

Just Chillin: Our grand finale and while the rest of the episodes are mostly ... fine, Just Chillin is an instant classic and a worthy finale for these segments and the show as a whole. It's got a simple meta premise: Henry wants to make KaBlam more exciting as they don't know how much time they have left in the show , a nod that this could be the last episode and ended up being it. This is one of those episodes written as a finale, but not as defntiive in case the show got renewed. It didn't but this serves as a great one.

So they decide to have a KaBlamaganza! Pomp, ninjas and train chases... and the consequences of trying to give the people more than they could ask for results in their budget going away: the actor for the train fight gets fired, with Mr Stockdale hilariously trying to fill in, our heroes are reduced to black and white then cutouts, then learn their lesson and get their animation back.. not because they learned an animation but because Mr. Stockdale likes Choo Choos. They get hit by a train.. and will see us when they see us. It's a fitting end.. a bit of slapstick, some meta jokes, and a goodbye that feels final rather than the usual "see you next time". It hit hard, and i'm REALLY going to miss this show and while it was a releif getting to the end, as this project while fun has also been exausting and gotten delayed at times, it was also deeply sad. I'll miss this show.. and i'll miss you henry and june. Thanks for.. oh right we still have a LOT of ground to cover. My apologizes.

Action League Now!'s final season goes out on a high note, fitting as they'd later get their own show repackaging these segments for people who only liked this show and not the rest of kablam

Or just wanted to rerun the episodes without the league. There is one short specific to a tryout special for said series we'll get to next time.

Season 4 is mostly the same, with the quality going back up to around season 3 with the exception of two episodes. The big diffrence from the other seasons is movie parodies: Outside of the Jaws parody "Incident at Chlorine Lake", Action League now mostly stuck to either broader genre parodies or it's own thing. Even it's parody of aliens landing films was mostly "how badly can our heroes fuck up first contact. For the record it's sonly real tv/comics parody the red ninja being a parody of storm shadow from gi joe and the heroes that upstaged them being based on the challengers of the unknown.

Season 4 on the other hand is half movie parody, half buisness as usual and one literary parody with Flowers for Algernon. We get parodies of Armageddon, Jurassic Park, Face/Off, and for some reason Stephen King's Thinner. It works due to most of the parodies working well with the show, and a nice spread of regular stories. The Face Off Parody in paticular is my faviorite for reasons we'll get to shortly. Otherwise it's one last hurrah for the action loosers as they once again fuck up a bunch, somehow save the day, and go out with a great final season. I started pretty salty on this show but I can't help but love action league now er.. now. It's creative, hilarious, and lasted long enough to do a LOT with the premise and the world , but not so long it wore out it's welcome. I'll miss these idiots.

The Naked and the Dumb: A rare short that shadows the main Henry and June plot. The team is given apptitude tests to stay in the league and everyone passes.. including meltman somehow. Frankly i'm suprised he didn't stab himself iwth a pencil repdeately. The Flesh of course drew a kitty and thus is going to get kicked out, and the team needs him since he's their tank. We get a fun bunch of destructive hyjinks as they try to teach him, the great visual gag of them just.. writing notes on him, and the amazing punchline: he drew a doggy instead. I like both personally but hey it's a decent start to a great season.

Winds of Evil: The Mayor menaces people with a giant fan. At least he's not throwing them into it. It's a simple but amazing premise. At the same time the action league don't want to party at stinky's because he lives in an actual toilet, a joke so simple it's amazing. He refuses to shelter them after feeling snubbed by this, and only saves their lives if they agree to spend a weekend at his beach place, which was a porta potty a joke way better than it has any right to be, just like this episode.

Chickie Chickie Bang Bang: The Mayor tries to black market chicks, played by actual baby chickens, who are adorable.. and also peck out his eyes. The League is forced to calm them. This one was okay. Great premise, somehow not at all memorable.

Armageddon Out Of Here: Great title and a solid armageddon parody. It uses the same framework, our heroes have to blow up a meteor, but uses our heroes stupidity and selfishness well. They only agree to the mission because they get to blow shit up, and end up stranded because Flesh forgot the explosives, though still giving us an explosively good episdoe. I also applaud it for just.. leaving the league stuck there. While their back next episode I like to think there's at least one timeline where Chief is free of this mummy's curse of a team and maybe gets a spinoff in florida with bill the lab guy.

Yurplastic Park: This one is weak. it's a Jurassic Park Parody

That's all they have. I expect better and dumber from this show. It's one good joke is our heroes and the dinosaurs being saved because of sequels. I mean I do like the one where the guy realizes he shoudln't of given his robot dinosaur a penis because like everything with a penis it's gonna want to use it's penis.

Grief for the Chief: Thankfully the episode rebounds with one of the series best. The team's stupidity puts Chief in a coma and they remember all the good times.. and all the times they accidently injured him, either through good nature or stupidity. it's both sweet to see how much they genuinely like the chief.. and hilarous that his rage over their actions wakes him up. Simpsons had a similar gag, but this ones just diffrent enough to be great too. Good stuff.

Hey! Who Stole My Face?: I just read that title while picturing nicholas cage screaming it. Your welcome. Anyways it's a face off parody in that face's get swapped, so it's a loose one.. but ti works: the chief and the mayor get their faces on each others bodies.. and it's both so obvious and so hilarous. Everyone including bill is an idiot about this, so the Cheif has to rely on stormy, the dog I forget's on the team half the time to escape a prison beating, while the Mayor easily traps the league.. and the mayor looses his actual face. One that thrives purely on it's visual gags but what a gag it is

A Flesh of Genius: This one's boosted by a brand new villian, smarty pants, a baby doll dressed up as a neurotic nerd.. aka what I look like as far as you know. Our heroes cram the world's knowledge into face to keep it safe from this know at all, only for this to backfire as the flesh is now a smug jerk who constantly corrects grammar and is a pain to bea round. The Flesh normally kills or injures a LOT of people daily, but he's at least not telling the chief that you and I shit. You and me is just as fine. We get a final chess duel between the two, and the flesh loosing his intellect but winning by pure luck. A solid ep that uses a well worn premise decently.

Tune Up of Terror: Hodge Podge's final hurrah as he hyjacks the action mobile remotely. The premise is clever, he's using an rc remote, but otherwise the ep is just kinda.. eh. Meltman driving is kinda funny, I cant really knock him for taking a while to get a liscnse as I don't have one, but I can mock him for not being funny. He.. he no funny. Dammit. You win this round Meltman

What's Eating the Flesh: This episode has a great premise: the flesh rides a diseased guiena pig

And thus spreads a flesh eating virus to the team. I love how their left as head, how the treesap cure is dish soap and how when bill looks at the virus he sees mrs pac man. It's great. It's big drawback is that it has a racist sterotype bill goes to for help and I can't really FULLY enjoy the ep as a result. It's just bad even by late 90's/year 2000 standards. That Pac Man joke is an all timer though. one of the best in KaBlam as a whole.

Fatter: This one is just.. bad. They make a parody of Stephen King's it, where an old romani woman curses the chief.. only he overeats instead of looses weight.

It's painful, miildly gross and i'ts only redeeming factor is the chief blowing up after the ypop him and even that gets too gross to fully enjoy. A really whimper of an ending for the shows KaBlam run that makes me glad there's one more short to cover.. three actually but two are pilots. more on that next time.

So here's a shocker... I loved this season of Prometheus and Bob. Yes.. really. After three seasons of just absolute abivelence to this segment, just checking out to the point I went into a sleep deprived tangent last time... I loved this season of the show. The segments were funnier, played with the formula well and had more jokes than "caveman don't get it and monkey is asshole". I'm happy I enjoyed at least one batch of these: the premise isn't bad, the claymation is great and the two leads designs are iconic. It just wasn't for me... but i'm happy to say this season was.

Softball: Bob learns to

IQ: Bob takes an IQ test...... it took a second to figure it out because the wikipedia entry for this, which I use as the episode guide for prometheus and bob on the kablam wiki uses the number for the tape instead of the actual episode order. But this one was REALLY funny. Bob is given a test to put blocks in holes.. and puts promethus in a rock nearbye... just makes hims tand in a corner. So not only does bob get the test for once, but it's hilariously done.

Tape One: This was my faviorite as it's one of the most obvious things to do, but it fits they held off till the final batch: we see how Prometheus met bob. Prometheus comes down, and the other caveman understandably run away as they really can't.. comprehind the thin alien man. Bob dosen't.. because his hair is really stupid long and passes out. We do get a geninely nice moment form Prometheus who is usually just.. hung up on his job.. but cuts bob's hair to help him see. It's practical sure but it drives home he's really TRYING to help bob he just dosen't get that maybe bob dosen't need every advancement prometheus tries. We also find out why bob's bald, which isn't info I needed but I love the explination: he got a hold of the clippers and kept going and apparently just.. keeps doing that. He laso defends prometheus from the other cavemen, before prometheus rescues them both. Also they were going to eat the monkey. It's a fun origin story: we didn't NEED these explinations, but they were fun to find out which is how a good origin story should go.

Exercise: I forgot this one so..

Hey I said I liked this season I didn't say I liked every episode.

Dating: Prometheus tries to wingman for bob, which is cute. It dosen't go well, and she ends up falling for Prometheus but he tried. One of the series best.. which coming from me is nothing, but I still really liked this one. I especially liked the monkey for once NOT fucking everything up and instead just comforting bob at the end.

Pet: .. I dont' have anything for this one. Uh... here's wolverine fighting a dinosaur?

Yeah!

Evolution: Okay this one is REALLY fun as Promethus just.. gives up and tries to speed up bob's evolution.. and accidently ends up devolved. So we get a model swap which is a lot of funa nd had to be a lot of effort. I also like the solution: Monkey HYPER evolves and resets everything. This is also the final short and feels like a proper finale. Seriously every recurring segment seems to go out on a high EXCEPT action league now. It's weird. Speaking of which

It's time to bid farewell to Life with Loopy, which was always one of my faviorite segments, but I can say with confidence after four seasons is KaBlam's best. It's the most consistent, creative and fun of the recurring segments and goes out on a high note. Season 3 is a touch better, but Season 4 is still really good. Shorter, like Prometheus and Bob it was in less episodes and thus there's not AS much but what's there of this last batch is pure quality. The show ends well and i'm REALLY sad to see this one go. There may never be another show like you loopy. Thanks for letting me see your life.

Alternative Hamsters: Loopy experiments with Alternative Energy. Huh if I'd known about this one I would've snuck it into the earth day specail. At any rate this naturally leads to her hamster turning into a giant monster and her having to save it from teh military blowing the poor guy up real good. Thankfully she realizes her hamster can run on a wheel to provide energy to the whole town. A pretty standard start to the season, which says a lot about this show and a lot about me that this dosent phase me. It's not a radioactive killer hamster from a planet near mars after all.

Mister Macho: Larry gets bullied at the beach, but chooses to be chill about it. Loopy, is not so chill and uses an old muscle man add in a comic. Larry turns into a hulked up rage monster... which somehow is a very COMMON PLOT: skinny kid gets buff then lets it go to his head. It's done very well here it's just.. weird that for once the stock plot is something this oddly specific. It happens quite a bit but we never really talk about it. even simpsons did it, but we don't talk about that one for a lot of good reasons. Also it was marge instead of bart for some reason. I do like how it's solved; turns out the guy who made it's Zen now and helps larry loose his muscles and his zen attitude scares the guy off. Which is good because Loopy would've torn him assunder. After all where Zen ends, asskicking begins.

Times Up: Loopy beats click by a decade or two by making a fast forwarding remote. Instead of learning a lesson about time, she has to run from the time police. I love how she's entirely flippant to them. It's a common theme honestly. She gives not one iota of a fuck to the powers that be and it's amazing.

I (Don't) Belivie I Can Fly: Dave the Canadian Duck is back!

Dave's migrating again and since his best buddy left the south pole with him to attend to some pressing matters

He's back to get help migrating again. This time Loopy teaches him to fly a plane. It's a cute little episode as Dave is forced to face his fear and I love these two's little friendships and his promise to see her again next year. Sadly we woudln't see that.. but I like to think he just showed up every year to visit.

Good Food Gone Bad; This is a classic loopy premise: she takes a concept literally and turns out to be right. I am glad the show broke out of this formula, finding more weird shit to do, but it's kinda nice to go back to it once in a while. Staying in a formula forever can be draining but you can still find new life in it. And they do as Loopy's mnilk goes bad and she tries to help him on the wrong side of the track, dealing with a bad guy bar for expired food, a literal bad egg and a gang of greaser milk including her old one who she finds new lives for as cheese. It's wholesome, creative and has a lot of fun designs, this show in a nutshell.

Down the Drain: Loopy deals with a clog. This one's fine. Also I just now found out their family's last name is cooper. Huh.

Rock N Roll Loopy: My faviorite of the batch. We finally meet Bugsteak, Larry's faviorite band and I like how they've kept his love of them consistent. They haven't come up in a WHILE, but it's nice that they werne't forgotten. Larry can't afford tickets to their concert so he asks for tickets, since their down with the youth. Now Bugsteak IS within their rights to tell him "no thank you", or to at least make it up. Instead their response is, summed up...

Loopy is naturally pissed and while Larry sleeps at a friends house, she confronts bugsteak at their hotel. She points out their current fancy livin, lalalalala, and stuck up ways have made them loose touch with thier fanbase and dares them to spend one night like a real kid.

So we get a lot of funny bits as Bugsteak is not happy with meatloaf (which I don't get at all as a meatloaf guy), has to listen to dad talk for several years, and mom cuts their hair. They realize they were wrong, make a song about the experince and sing it to Larry. I just love this concept: a bunch of stuck up 90's rockers being put off by having to live like teens again. It's fucking great and the live action actors do a great job as bugsteak.

Bargin Hunters From Beyond the Stars: Is a decent finale. I admit the episode above would've made a better one, but it's still a good note to go out on. Loopy has a yard sale and sells most of the stuff they had.. but accidnetly sells her dad to a pair of aliens and has to find a trade. The gag is once again he goes on too long, which seems to be a trait exclusive to these final two episodes, but it fits the guy well enough that I don't mind nor do I mind it being reused as the contexts are diffrent: with bugsteak it's simply what Larry goes through every night, while here it's the old "annoy the aliens into getting rid of you" chestnut. It's a decent ending to an incredible show.

While our time together was way shorter, I'll also really miss race rabbit. It was a fun segment and it's , like most of kablam, sad ot see it go. But it goes out with both a nice cluster of episodes and on a high note.

Dog/Prince/Ham: Race has to deal with Gold Dingo, a mysterious criminal mastermind whose also a dog, and of course the boolies.. thought his time they pretend to like gold dingo, have kidnapped the prince.. only for the bigger boolie to get beaten up. I also like how he saves the prince: getting him out of the car and letting Gold Dingo go off a cliff a sdog's can't read. I don't know the science on that but ti's a goofy enough gag to get a pass

Robot Rabbit: I prefer Rabbot myself. Race dates a robot rabbit which can relate, but it dosen't work out as it was made by the boolies. How fast he moves is funny as is Max being exasperated for good reason for once.

The Championship: The finale and fittingly the best episode of the shorts. Race has to deliver the secret to strawberry cream, but has to deal with a bunch of pastry chefs all huddled in the same car throwing pies at him, which is just.. it's beautiful man. It's so frickin beautiful. The boolies also have a good plan for once: a heat seeking missle. IT's neat to see race force dup against two threats at once, as the Boolies were sidelined for the gold dingo thing, and I love how he solves it: putting hot chill on the chefs, taking both out, delivering the microfilm and saving the day. That's how it's done old sport.

JetCat's final two shorts are.. a mixed bag. Todd is less annoying in one and still so very punchable in the other. Still a decent superhero work, seen better, movin on.

Lunchtime: Melanie's lunch is interuptted by a mad shark man stealing the cities water and threanting the new wate rpark she and todd want to go to, while Todd guards her mother's cookies

For once he dosen't fuck up, not only not eating them, but also protecting them from said super villian. The series best episode. not a super high bar, but still neat.

I Was a Grade School WereMoth: This one has a great villian in Vicki Von Verman, an insect who hopes to turn JetCat into a hybird bug monster but instead gets Todd because he wans to be a sidekick and drinks strange liquids in hideouts proving why he's not. I mean most human sidekicks to powered heroes do fuck up: Jimmy Olson got transformed once a week and was forcebly married to a gorilla

Ron Stoppable became a super villian and accidently created one. But both these guys are also geninely good dudes who are helpful. Todd is just annoyingly overconfident and stupid. He's a child, and I do give child characters a wide berth for being assholes, but Todd is just so consitently jerkish, selfish and terrible I question why Mellanie hangs out with him. He dragged these shorts down to the depths of hell and while there's good company down there

It still shoudln't be this bad. I've rarely seen a character piss me off this much and that includes the other hall of shamers he's with.

As I mentioned in the intro, the show made up for loosing Sniz and Fondue, as well as what seems to be a dwindling number of Life with Loopy and Prometheus and Bob shorts to use something I only noticed after writing those sections, with a LOT of pilots and a few extra music videos. It's a fair trade off; KaBlam's always featured a ton of unique animation styles and pilots, it's just now spread out instead of an end of or mid season thing.

As usual the shorts are visually diverse, creator driven affairs and really fun to look at. There are more duds than usual, a lot of the weaker one off shorts i've seen from KaBlam reside in this section, but it's counterballanced by all but one of these shorts having great animation and a LOT of great shorts spread throughout. Also we get two They Might Be Giants Music Videos, which is always a good thing to put in your childrens cartoon, so that alone makes this influx of shorts worth it. So let's see what we have

Emmet Freedy: Emmet Freedy has a great art style, using a lot of puppetry to create some fun ugly puppets, and a lot of love and care went into this one and I admire that. The problem is the short itself is pretty stock for nickeldoen, if coked up a bit: Emmet Freedy lies about having lice to avoid a project, only for things to get out of hand. The grossout bits don't help. I wish I liked this one better because it's expertly crafted.. but they used that craft to make something pretty generic by 90's/00's nick standards.

Fuzzball: This one's just genericA tomboy named Fuzzball breaks her dad's bowling trophy when he breaks a promise to take her to the carnival, so she hustles to get a new one. I've seen better tween slice of life shows like As Told by Ginger or All Grown UP after this, and even before this the Girl with her head coming off was way better.

Garbage Boy: After two weak segments, Garbage Boy was a LOT of fun and has a far more intresting premise: Danny's dad works at the local dump, and thus bring shome various pieces of garbage that end up in the basement, and Danny uses them to solve his problems. In this case he dosen't have a pet ,the local bullies snake is eating his friends pets, and his parents won't get him one. His sister is also an abomination of some kind but they don't talk baout it for some reason. So he builds himself a dog that comes to life and wisecracks because the 90's and beats the bully. IT's a fun boy and his dog story with a dash of frankenstien and I like the art style: it's thorughly weird, patching together bits of photos like a ransom note but outsid eof said devil baby it works fantasticly.

The Shizzagee: This one blows. I'd be nice about it, but it wastes a good premise, an extinct creature is brought back and becomes friends with ab oy, on an annoying as hell beast that won't shut the fuck up and awful cg animation. Part of it is age, but even giving it that much, it just looks.. bad. It has a soundtrack by they might be giants but nothing else.

Little Freaks: One of my favorites and a simple premise: a weird supervillian uses moths to eat everyone's clothes so he can make them all dress the same and slowly conquer them, so it's up to the little freaks to stop them, a group of three friends who all look diffrent: Tryla, a three eyed girl with a triangle face, Briangel, a kid with a brain in a jar on his head which melts if he overthinks, and Dubbs, conjoined twins. It's a fun little short with a nice silver age parody flair, something done a lot but done right here. It's cute, fast and a lot of fun.

Doctor Worm: My faviorite segment. It was close, LIttle Freaks and our final indie short are very close. This last batch in the final few eps was really damn good.. but I have to give it to this one. It takes the They Might Be Giants classic and gives us the tail of a little worm who likes to play the drums and tries to get a band looking for a drummer's attention. It takes the song and makes it the tail of a cheery guy who clearly just wants friends. The animation is great, the live action blending is fantastic, and it's sheer fun to watch. Ther'es a reason I made it the title card for this one.

Stewy the Dogboy: This one's.. fine. It's a premise similar to teacher's pet and was actually going to get a full series order before that series got greenlit over at disney. It's not bad, it's fun and I like the payoff of Stewie's chaos getting him seen as a genius by the principal, as well as stewie's voice, it sounds nicely doggish and innocent. It's just Teachers Pet simply did this premise better, and that's not this short's fault. It's still a good boy.

Why Does the Sun Shine?: Another TMBG music video, another banger. I prefer Dr. Worm but this is a one for "The sun is a mass of incadesant gas" and I assume if you grew up after a certain point, you know this one. A boy tries to look at the sun, a sicentst doctor and asun grooves. Really fun stuff.

Dave Son of Hercules: The show's final original short and it' sluckily a banger. It's also unique as it's the only one done by Henry and June animator and creator Mark Marek. It's a really fun premise I wish had got it's own series and it's all in th etitle: Dave is a pretty normal 90's kid whose dad is Hercules. Herc .. really hasn't adjusted to modern life, and thus we get a LOT of fun antics: the guy drives a chariot, slays a serpent ride at the carnival, goes to a greek restraunt to consult the gods, and when realizing he let his boy down, offers to pluck out his eye or liver. Herc is just loveably dramatic: he really wants to be a good dad, he's just out of time. I also like the greek restraunt bhit as the owner, rather than turn herc away, actaully gives him advice, getting Herc genuinely thinks he's the gods and just needs a friend. His advice is good too: quality time. It works.. it ends in the police station for a bit but it works and while Dave is embarassed, he's genuinely impressed and the short ends adorably witht he two skipping rocks. What helps is Dave is embarassed by his dad, but you get he loves the guy.. and unlike a lot of embrarssed kids in children's cartoons you aboslutely get why. A divine finish to KaBLam.

Our Penultimate KaBlammy awards. Next time we'll give out both ones related to our odds an dends.. and overall ones. Best episodes, best segments for series overall. The works. For now, this season

Best Henry and June: Just Chillin. It's not even close. Just Chilin is a fun finale that sends the series out on a high.

Action League Now!: Hey Who Stole My Face? A thorughly stupid, thorughly hilarious face off parody.

Prometheus and Bob: Tape One. A fun origin story and easily the best of these shorts. Sorry to spoil that now but it's true.

Life with Loopy: Rock N Roll Loopy. Beefsteak are too much fun.

Race Rabbit: The Championship, a grand finale for a grandly silly series.

Jetcat: THe one that dosen't ahve todd being a jackass.

Suprising Short: Doctor Worm. They call him doctor worm, good morning to you he's doctor worm.

Next TIme: We finish this. Every little bit of KaBlam I found under the couch cushions. Pilots, shorts KaBlam didn't use the works. ONe last hurrah. See you next week and thanks for reading

[nichehouse]

2023: Best Movies of the Year So Far

As a new year starts, the probability of good movies being released is low. The most-awaited movies are commonly dated in the mid-year or last quarter of the year as the production and preparation are being done with careful attention. However, some movies have proved us wrong. The well-known critics have already awarded a number of films with more than three stars. Most of them are indie films with low to no budget. And surprisingly, it has made an impact on the film industry.

How to Determine a Good Movie?

The movies that will be included on this list may be subjective to each person. As a basis, here are the top considerations that people look onto:

Storytelling: A great movie usually has a compelling story that keeps the viewer engaged and emotionally invested.

Cinematography: The visual presentation of a movie can also be a significant factor in its quality. The use of camera angles, lighting, and other visual elements can greatly enhance the film's impact.

Acting: The quality of the performances by the actors can also play a big role in a movie's success. Strong performances can help bring the characters to life and make the story more believable.

Direction: The director's ability to bring all the elements of the movie together and create a cohesive and well-executed final product is another critical factor.

Cultural impact: Some movies may have a significant impact on the culture, either through their themes or their cultural relevance, which can make them stand out as some of the best movies of all time.

List of 2023's Best Movies

If you are curious to know what movies have been highly rated, we have listed down the list of the best movies of 2023 so far. This list might help you decide what movie you are going to binge watch next.

JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 4

"John Wick" is a popular action movie franchise that stars Keanu Reeves as the titular character, a retired hitman who seeks revenge against those who wronged him. The series has been praised for its intense action scenes, sleek cinematography, and Reeves' charismatic performance.

The first movie, "John Wick," was released in 2014 and was directed by Chad Stahelski and David Leitch. It was a surprise hit, grossing over $86 million at the box office and receiving critical acclaim for its action choreography and style. The sequels, "John Wick: Chapter 2" and "John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum," were released in 2017 and 2019, respectively. Both films continued the franchise's focus on high-octane action and further explored the world of assassins and hitmen that John Wick inhabits.

Last March 22, 2023, the Chapter 4 has became the talk of the town and is once again proved that it's one of the best action movies of all time. The sequel is about the story of an excommunicado trying to win the price on his head that is continuously increasing. The franchise has set a standard of what action in Hollywood should be.

WHEN YOU FINISH SAVING THE WORLD

The film is directed by Jesse Eisenberg and starred by Finn Wolfhard- a young actor who has made his name famous since the release of Stranger Things.

The movie synopsis is about a mother and her teenage son that struggle to bond, which they try to look for elsewhere. While the son falls in love with a very political kid at his school, the mother clutches onto a young boy she encounters at the women's shelter.

INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY

Indiana Jones is another sequel. Popular action-adventure film series follows the exploits of the title character, Indiana Jones, as he traverses the globe in search of lost treasures, unravels enigmatic riddles, and faces off against perilous enemies.

George Lucas, the master of American cinema, created an imaginative world. Though Lucas has never confirmed if Dr. Jones is based on a real-life person, many have hypothesized that a few historical persons may have served as Dr. Jones's inspiration.

AIR

Although the plot of Air, Ben Affleck's wildly entertaining business drama about Nike's attempts to attract Michael Jordan, initially seems like an absurd one for a movie, it is actually a brilliant one. Pop culture was permanently influenced by the invention of the Air Jordan shoe, and Jordan's ground-breaking profit-sharing agreement with Nike would give athletes ownership in the goods they were being used to market.

The movie places the Air Jordan as an example of the 1980s' rampant consumerism, but it also raises the possibility of a vast, intricate new universe. The CEO in charge of the shoe company's basketball outreach, Sonny Vaccaro (Matt Damon), makes the point to Michael himself that the player essentially exists outside of space and time in what will undoubtedly go down in history as one of the greatest sports-movie monologues.

A THOUSAND AND ONE

A Thousand and One paints a moving picture of endurance in the face of systematic injustice and is a dedication to parental love and Teyana Taylor's skill.

The feature film debut of A.V. Rockwell is about a novelistic portrayal of 11 years in the life of Inez (played to perfection by Teyana Taylor), who struggles to provide for herself and her son Terry. Inez abducts her 6-year-old son Terry from the foster care system in an unrepentant and carefree manner. They set out to recover their sense of security, identity, and home in a New York City that was changing quickly.

RYE LANE

Romantic Comedy film is less preferred by most viewers but it's never dying. Instead, it's hanging out in South London with David Jonsson and Vivian Oparah's delightful 20-somethings, Dom and Yas, who find up spending the day together after a less than ideal meet cute in an art gallery restroom.

Both are moving beyond breakups, and the delight of Raine Allen-Miller's film comes from the dawning knowledge in each that they might finally be ready to open their hearts again, through playful banter and some side excursions along the road.

M3GAN

We know how movies are going beyond our imagination like creating ideas made of amazing technological inventions. On this list of the best movies this 2023, one of the most famous technological advancements is represented. A living example of artificial intelligence, M3GAN is a lifelike doll that has been designed to be both a parent's and child's best friend.

M3GAN, created by Gemma, a clever roboticist, can observe, listen, and learn as it serves as a friend, a teacher, a playmate, and a guardian. When Gemma finds herself suddenly in charge of her 8-year-old niece, she makes the unthinkable decision to give the kid an M3GAN prototype.

OPERATION FORTUNE: RUSE DE GUERRE

Next on the list of the best movies is a movie directed by Guy Ritchie. Theoretically, Ritchie's films should be romps, but an oppressive anxiety always threatens to ruin many of them. So, here's something actually endearing and agile:The film is about an elite assassin, Orson Fortune, who is tasked with finding Greg Simmonds, a billionaire arms dealer, and preventing the sale of a lethal new weapon technology he is using.

Fortune and his crew reluctantly enlist Hollywood's biggest movie star, Danny Francesco, to assist them on their world-saving quest after joining up with some of the best operators in the world.

KNOCK AT THE CABIN

A young girl and her two fathers (Jonathan Groff and Ben Aldridge) are taken hostage and left with a difficult choice by four strangers (headed by an outstanding Dave Bautista): They must gladly sacrifice one member in order to stop the end of the world. The family must choose what they believe before everything is gone since they are confused, afraid, and have little access to the outside world.

While maintaining an unsettlingly consistent tone, the movie seamlessly switches between the textures of one thriller subgenre and another.

MISSING

The last film on this list is directed by two staring directors named Nicholas D. Johnson and Will Merrick. In their attempts to keep the viewer guessing, Missing can be hard to believe, but a quick pace and relatable anxieties prevent this twisting techno-thriller from going astray. The leading actress searches for answers when her mother vanishes while on vacation in Colombia with her new lover is hampered by international red tape.

While stranded in Los Angeles thousands of miles away, June ingeniously makes use of every piece of cutting-edge technology at her disposal to try to locate her before it's too late. Her internet sleuthing eventually creates more concerns than it does answers, though, as she continues to delve deeper.

[isagisyoichi]

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!

SYNOPSIS: niko as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: niko ikki aka my boyfriend hello

WARNINGS: swearing, pretend all the boys go to the same school and they're all friends for plot, normalize not writing serious boys as someone that practically hates their s/o and never opens up to them god bless, also no such thing as ooc since we dunno shit ab him so everything i say is law. SUPER LONG LOL, it's like 2k+ words 😭

A/N: i love my boyfriend and i'm v happy about all the attention he's getting (even if he will prob will b subbed out 👎) this was fun to write bc i think he would b very soft as bf and also i hate the notion that stoic and serious = boring and detached in a relationship. also first post w the new user yayyyy rip yoichisagis an end of an era for realsies.

FOR: fox anon my beloved this one is for u😩

it takes a while for you two to get together, just because niko wants to think things through and be sure he’s making the right decision, as well as him being naturally apprehensive about this whole dating thing.

when you do eventually start going out, keep in mind you're probably his first real anything, so-

niko needs to take it slow for the first month or so because he needs time to adjust and get used to being in a relationship.

when he gets comfortable around you, niko starts to talk a lot more.

niko starts to talk about his interests more-soccer, stem stuff (idc i'll die by my hc that he's a stem boy), etc. and niko's really happy that you're genuinely interested in what he has to say :)

and as your relationship progresses, niko becomes more inclined to share his inner thoughts.

“this song is so bad, i hate it and how it's everywhere,” like, babe that sucks, but what do you want me to do, take it off the radio myself? 😭

you find out that niko’s kind of a hater LOL, but it’s okay, because it means he can be himself around you <3 and the mini debates you have with each other are fun.

he’s someone you can take shopping with you if you need a solid second opinion.

“ikki, is this cute?” you niko as you adjust the shirt you tried on in the fitting room mirror.

“no.” he’s so straight up LOL. “the blue one from earlier was better.”

“this one?”

“yeah, that one. you look really pretty in it.”

ngl though, niko’s not much of a mall person. he'd just follow you around like a little puppy LOL, but he doesn't mind too much because it's for you.

communication is important to niko!!!!! he wants someone that he can have real conversation about the things that matter to him, so he rly makes an effort to have that kind of connection with you.

niko's naturally funny but he isn't aware that he is lol.

but when he does try, i feel like his humor comes in the form of sarcasm and dry wit. likes poking fun at you here and there with a lighthearted jab.

"you're so weird, y/n," is the most common one.

niko’s naturally closed off emotionally (male aquarius 😒) but i, personally, think he’d really try and push himself to be more open with you, especially if you expressed for him to do so </3

he'd be really appreciative of someone patient and understanding of the fact that he doesn't open up easily, though.

but eventually, you become the person closest to him- niko confides in you a lot, which he’s grateful for because he usually holds everything in.

not one for pda or other lovey-dovey things in public, other than the occasional holding of hands but behind closed doors, niko’s so soft around you, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

also, i feel like niko’s real handsy with you, i get the vibe he’s super touch starved 😭

although it does take him a while to get used to physical affection, once he has, niko cannot get enough. he’s always touching you when he has no real reason to.

(and because you're his first relationship, i feel like it’s just natural that niko’s going to be kind of clingy towards you.)

“you okay, ikki?” you ask as niko suddenly wraps his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“mhm,” he mumbles. “just wanna be close to you.”

niko likes when you sit on his lap when he’s on his computer. you can have your arms wrapped around his neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck, or you could just be on your phone or whatever, it doesn’t matter, niko just likes you near him.

you guys don’t really talk to each other when you do this, aside from niko occasionally checking up on you and asking if you need anything from him.

but other than that, you guys just enjoy each other's touch in silence. it’s one of his favorite things to do with you.

however, if you start kissing him in the middle of whatever he’s doing and keep it up for long enough, niko will drop everything to make out with you right then and there (also one of his favorite things to do with you).

speaking of kissing- you kiss niko first.

niko would try to plan your guys first kiss out because he wants everything to be perfect.

but, he ends up taking forever to execute it because he keeps overthinking and you can only wait so long before kissing him, so you take matters into your own hands.

his kisses are sloppy and juvenile at the beginning, but he’s smart and learns quickly what you do and don’t like.

likes being kissed on his jaw and forehead the most :')

if the team ever happens to see niko kissing you, they're gonna be so annoying 😭

"yooo niko's making big moves ‼️" "my son's growing up on me!😩" "good job *pats on the back*" and niko is red all over as he drags you away from them, muttering about how childish and annoying they are 😭.

but, they're all very supportive of you guys, even if they're embarrassing as hell 🙄.

they even give niko relationship advice- which luckily, he doesn’t follow (most of the time), because, let’s be honest, if you're getting unsolicited dating tips from a bunch of teenage boys, it’s probably bad 😭.

you’re the only person niko shows his forehead to. just know that having the opportunity to see it means that niko trusts you more than anyone else :’)

repay his trust by kissing his forehead lovingly and showering him with compliments whenever you can !!!!!!!!!!

“y/n, why’re you so embarrassing,” niko says under his breath, blushing as you hold his face and litter soft kisses on his forehead, rambling about how cute he is.

always looks for you in the bleachers when he has a game and you’re always the first person he talks to after.

and the fact that you make an effort to come as often as you can means sooo much to him. definitely considers you to be his biggest fan.

real classy with nicknames- uses “my love/love,” and “darling,” the most.

his favorite petname from you is "pretty boy." gives him butterflies each time he hears it.

the first time you call him that, he's confused, but after you explain that being called pretty is basically the highest compliment a boy can receive, he gets all soft on you.

only uses instagram to like and comment on your pictures and that's it 😭.

comments stuff like “you're so pretty” and "beautiful," without any emojis because niko refuses to use them LOL.

remembers the compliments you give him! they help with his self esteem and i feel like he values your opinion a lot.

so, tell him all about how cute and smart and talented and hot and funny he is and how much you love him and he'll replay it in his head 24/7.

i think he prefers to be the big spoon, unless he's sad- then he really wants you to hold him.

niko gives me homebody vibes, so expect relaxed dates, but still nice, yk?

what i mean is niko's not gonna take you out to get gas station food and call it a day 😭 he's classier than that and he always puts in effort towards dates.

he always plans them ahead of time and takes into consideration what he thinks you'd enjoy. and he insists on paying 🤗.

but, niko always does something special for days like your birthday or an anniversary, like go somewhere fancy if you wanted to or buy a nice gift you've been eyeing for a while.

helps you with your schoolwork, 100%. most of the time niko tutors you because he wants you to actually learn the material, but if you're feeling lazy and just wanna get it over with, niko will just give you the answers.

this is a big deal because i love him and all but, niko gives me the vibe he's super stingy with his work 😭.

"this is the last time i'm going to just give you the answers, y/n." niko sighs out. "you have to start doing your homework by yourself."

niko's said that dozen of times but he's still giving you the answers free of charge. can you guys say #whipped 🤣?

LOL speaking of school, if you ever text him during class, i highly doubt that niko would entertain you 😭😭 (it's out of love, though)

y/n 💗: hiii baby imy 🥰

pretty boy: do your work, y/n.

y/n 💗: ALL I DID WAS SAY HI

pretty boy: pay attention.

y/n 💗: fine ur so lame 👎

pretty boy: whatever you say. i miss you too, by the way.

he likes to moves your hair out your face because he wants to see your pretty face better.

which is why you have to do the same with him 🥰!!!!!! makes him blush like crazy.

gets soooo soft when you post him or even take pictures of you and him together :') just the thought of you wanting to show him off makes him soooo happy.

he won't entertain you if you make a tiktok, though LOL. he's very stubborn in his belief that it's stupid.

just stands in the background with his arms crossed if you try to make him do a dance or something 😭 (he does think you look cute, though).

niko has such nice eyelashes but i doubt he's aware of it 'cause he's, y'know, a boy 🙄.

"my eyelashes are ... cute?" he questions. niko wasn't even aware that such a trivial thing like his eyelashes could be considered cute.

"yes, oh my god," you gush. "they're so long and nice, i wish mine were like that," you groan, examining yours through the camera of your phone.

"you're so weird, y/n," he says, a blush staining his cheeks. "your eyelashes are nicer," he mumbles as he kisses your forehead.

he's one of those people that prefers to be alone, but you're the exception. you know?

niko likes to keep to himself most of the time, but that whole thing doesn't apply to you, because he'd choose to be with you over being alone anytime :')

[mighty-ragnarssons]

Knocked Up | Modern Vikings AU | Chapter I

Relationships | Modern Ivar x OC Summary | Ivar always thought he'd be one of those people that never find the love of their lives. But then he found her - or, as the story goes, she bumped into him. He never saw it coming. Then he had to deal with it, and all the consequences that came along. Warnings | some smut, a little angst, harassement, teenage pregnancy

You can read in AO3 as well (click here). 

Chapter 1

There was no one in town that didn’t know about the Ragnarssons, the children of the famous Ragnar Lothbrok. They were fearless, they were reckless, and they were dangerous, just like their father. That’s what everybody said.

Bjorn was the eldest, the first-born of Ragnar’s first marriage with Lagertha. There had been a daughter too, Gyda, but she had passed away terribly young. After that, Ragnar had only sons born from his second marriage, this time with Aslaug. First came Ubbe, then Hvitserk and Sigurd. All of them perfectly healthy and strong boys that, much like Bjorn and to Ragnar’s amusement, took after their father in several ways. Unexpectedly and accidentally, however, there was a fifth child, the last son of Ragnar, Ivar. 

Ivar was very different from his brothers.

Born with a bone condition, he was crippled from the start. It was not just his legs that wouldn’t allow him to ever walk on his own, but a whole lot more pain coming from his frail bones that were never to be trusted. No wonder he grew up as a vulnerable, angry, and sad kid, despite being his mother’s favorite and most protected son. And now, as he was becoming a man, people called him mad and a drunk, a wild card with whom everyone rather stay away from. Ivar didn’t mind, he preferred to be tamed than to be pitied after a lifetime of being looked down on. In fact, he would do everything in his power to remain like this. It was the only way to prove himself and stay out of his brothers’ shadow and, most importantly, his father’s to who Ivar was the least favored son, something which hurt the boy more deeply than his constant physical pain.

“Hurry up, Ivar. Crawl faster, or else when we get to the club Ubbe and Hvitserk will have gotten all the best girls” Sigurd’s voice echoed loudly through the house. 

Ivar was there a second later clearly annoyed at his brother’s mocking tone. “Last time I checked, dear brother, you need me to drive you. So shut up. Let’s go.” 

Sigurd couldn’t argue back. He did need Ivar to drive them to the club. He kept failing at taking his driver’s license. It was humiliating to have to need his crippled brother to drive him, but Ubbe and Hvistserk, the bastards, hadn’t been home. Minutes afterward Ivar was behind the wheel of his accessible SUV and off they were.

Thirty minutes later they were skipping the line to get into the club. The Ragnarssons had their ways.  If there was one circuit in which their name was known by everyone, it was the nightlife one. No party would ever start without one of them being there. Ivar and Sigurd joined Ubbe and Hvisterk in the VIP area. As usual, Ivar took a corner where he knew he’d spend the next few hours drinking, smoking, and glaring at the dancing crowd. Perhaps if someone caught his eye he’d make a move, but usually, it was more like his brothers to do that.  

“There you go” Hvitzerk handed him a joint “Don’t look so serious, Ivar. The night is young. Enjoy!” By the looks of it, it was clear that he was already a bit high. But again it was Hvitserk and unusual would be to find him sober. “A lot of pretty ladies out there. Want me to pick one for you?” 

Ivar knew Hivtserk was only joking, but he still didn’t like it. His brother, ignoring Ivar’s cold glare and much to his annoyance, started pointing out to random girls who were dancing. “Oh, look at that one. C’mon Ivar, ain’t she a treat to stare at?”  

Thankfully, Hivtserk stopped his stupid game once their oldest brother Bjorn joined them, bringing shots to everyone with the help of his wife, Torvi.

“Brother, to what do we owe the honor?” Ivar said, throwing one of his ironic smirks. 

“I bring good news. Father is going to be released from jail sooner than expected. In three months to be exact! I had to pull some strings but it’s settled”

The news was received with different reactions. Sigurd didn’t seem that happy, while Ivar was the opposite. Ubbe was the first one to hold one of the shot glasses and started the toast “To Father! To Ragnar!”

Ragnar had been in prison for almost three years due to white-collar crimes, having been convicted of corporate fraud and money laundering. His sentence would’ve been of more than ten years, but Ragnar had his ways and was able to cut a deal for five years. And now, apparently, he would only serve almost four. Throughout this time it had been Bjorn taking over the leadership of the family’s successful business, Northmen Ventures, of which all of Ragnar’s sons had become the sole shareholders just before he was imprisoned. This explained why they were one of the richest families in their Norwegian city of Bergen. 

Bjorn,  now age 30, had been the natural successor of Ragnar. Not only because he was the oldest and perhaps the favorite son of Ragnar, but also because at the time he was the only one with a university degree, having just graduated from Law School. Yet, all of Ragnar’s sons were meant to get involved with the business. At least that was their father’s wish. Ubbe, now 24, had just graduated from Architecture School but had recently joined Bjorn on the company’s executive board.  Ivar wasn’t given the opportunity to help out, something which he grudged his older brothers - for dismissing him for his age, despite the fact that he’d watch and learned as much from his father as possible since an early age. Now 19 he was a freshman in college taking Business Administration. Then there were Hvitserk, 23, and Sigurd, 21,  the ones more adamant about following in their father’s footsteps. Hvitserk was using the money they were all getting to sustain his pricy bachelor lifestyle, and so was Sigurd who dedicated most of his time to art and music. Neither tried to pursue a higher education degree. 

“Don’t get too excited. Father will be back and then what? It’s not like he cares about us.” Sigurd, the mood killer, chugged his beer aggressively “He didn’t let us visit him in prison not even once. Not even Mother was allowed to. He didn’t even care for sending a postcard for Christmas!”

“He must have had his reasons.”

“And he left us the company”

“And so what? He just wanted to prevent it from ending up in the hands of the government.  Fuck him! You might all want to play the role of doting sons, but I’m not gonna tag along” After this Sigurd stormed off.

The remaining brothers looked at one another. A little bit of what Sigurd had just said resounsed with them, but at the same time they were excited to welcome back their father. Things would be very different with him around. 

“I say we celebrate.” Ivar said, not minding Sigurd. He couldn’t wait for his father to be back so that he could prove himself once and for all. He was no longer the defenseless crippled child he was when Ragnar went away. 

Despite the good mood he was in about Bjorn’s good news, Ivar wasn’t vibing with the club’s atmosphere that night. Hvitserk and Ubbe were making out with some random girls, Sigurd was nowhere to be seen and Torvi and Bjorn had left already. Instead, he was craving for some adrenaline and he knew just the way to get it. Texting his dealer, he left the club with the help of his crutches.

Nothing was to stop him except that on the way out someone bumped into him almost causing him to lose his fragile balance. Fury grew on Ivar who was about to yell at whoever made the mistake of infuriating him that night, but that’s when her face lost the blurriness of a few seconds ago and Ivar lost his balance again but for a completely different reason.

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to...shit” 

“Bitch, get back! For the hundredth time, you’re not getting in!” 

The girl’s expression quickly turned one of desperation. “I told you I have to. My cousin needs help! Don’t stop me, please” Her words were towards the bouncer that was now pulling her back, but her pleading eyes were on Ivar as if asking for help.  

“Hey, let her go!”  Ivar didn’t know why, but his rage got up to new levels when he saw the bouncer getting his filthy hands on her. “I said back off. Take your fucking hands off of her.”

At Ivar’s command the bouncer let her go. It didn’t matter that he was a big muscle guy, Ivar took a step towards him and faced him with a cold death stare. 

“She’s coming in with me, do you understand?”

“Ragnarsson, she is a minor. I can’t let her in.”

“I’m not asking.” 

His tone set it. He nodded so that the girl got in the club ahead of him. She didn’t even say a word, going immediately in. Ivar had to hurry himself inside to catch up. 

“Fuck, there’s so many people” she noticed looking absolutely lost.

“Let me help you.” he offered. 

“The bathrooms. My cousin... she called me, she didn’t sound fine… I’m worried something’s happened... She said she couldn’t move” she was trembling as she spoke. Ivar reached her hand with his. 

“If she is here we are going to find her.” he assured her “Follow me” 

It was not typical of Ivar to help a lady in distress but as he was guiding this girl through the crowd of drunk dancing people he couldn’t understand the need he was abruptly feeling for shielding her and, worst of all, to comfort her. These feelings left him uneased, but he was not going to dwell into that right now. If his suspicions were right and her cousin was somewhere in the club, then she was probably drugged to the point of unconsciousness and in a position to be taken advantage of. 

They swiped all the bathrooms at the club until at last they burst into one where a girl was noticeably knocked down in a corner.

“Cathrine!” the girl immediately crouched down on her cousin. “Cathrine, can you hear me?” 

“All of you, get out” Ivar demanded the girls who were inside. Some tried to complain, after all he was the guy in a female bathroom. These same girls that had paid no attention, or they just didn’t care, to the other girl on the floor. He then went outside as fast as he could and got a water bottle.

“She’s awake, but barely. Says she 's dizzy. She’s not talking right” 

“She was likely drugged” It wouldn’t be a first in that club “Make her sip some water” he threw the water bottle at them. He really wanted to level down to them, but with his crutches and all it just wouldn’t go well. “I’m gonna find help.”

 He ‘raced’ to the VIP area. Only Hivtserk was there with a girl on top of him. What was wrong with his brothers for acting as if their corner was a place of public foreplay display?

“Hvitserk, I need your help!”

“Go away Ivar” he grumbled and continued to suggestively run his hands on the brunette over his lap.

Ivar had to take the matter into his hands. The first thing he found was a leftover cocktail on the table which he threw at the girl. Her immediate squeak was so high and audible despite the deafening music. She practically jumped from on top of his brother.

“You crazy motherfucker!”

“What the fuck Ivar?”

“I don’t have time to explain. Come with me. I need your help.” 

Usually he didn't have much faith in his brothers - after all they were a pain in his ass most of the time - but this time he was really hoping to call on Hvitserk’s good senses. Fortunately his prayers were answered and his older brother followed him back to the bathroom

“What’s going on?”

“There’s a passed out girl. We need to get her out of here.”

“Would you go so far as in to get laid, little brother? Oh, you sicko” 

“This is not the time for jokes, asshole. You’re the sicko for even suggesting that”

Ivar was almost regretting getting Hvitserk to help, but the truth was that he alone wouldn’t be able to carry the girl out from the bathroom. The moment they got in there Hvitserk got a bit more serious and kneeled next to the two girls. 

“Let’s get her out of here” 

Together with Hvitserk, the girl helped raise her semi-unconscious cousin. People inside the club were so fucked up that they didn’t drop one second to look at them leaving. 

“Take her to my car” Ivar indicated and so they did. He unlocked his metallic grey SUV from afar and went on to open the backdoors where they laid the girl. “Let her get some fresh hair. It will do her good.”

“Should we take her to the hospital?” Hvitserk suggested.

A loud “No!” came from the inside of the car.

“She can’t. It will be too complicated” said the other girl but not without hinting her dissatisfaction.

Ivar finally took a moment to fully look at her. Dressed  in just a pair of jeans and a warm sweatshirt, she was lean and tall, but at least a good ten centimeters shorter than himself. Her blonde hair was tied in a messy bun with some strands falling down on her face. He had to hold the instinct to gently brush those aside. And her eyes… They were a very greyish blue color like he had never seen before. They were mirroring worry and nervousness. 

“I’m calling a cab. Thank you for your help. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it weren’t for you” she said facing Ivar and Ivar only. 

“I can drive you.” he offered without thinking.

“We already bothered you enough -”

Ivar cut her off “Nonsense. I’m going to drive you” he declares in a way that offered no other option.

Relief poured from her gaze “Thank you”

It was quite the drive, further out of Bergen’s city center. By the time they got there the passed out girl - Cathrine - had regained consciousness, albeit feeling nauseous and dizzy. Hvitserk carried her alone in his arms to the inside of the house and further into her bed. It was time enough for her to fall asleep like a rock.

“She seems just to need some rest. Keep her hydrated when she wakes up.”

“If she was drugged then it should wear off her system soon”

“Noted. I don’t know how to thank you both” 

“You could go on a date with one of us, how does that sound?”

“Hvitserk!” Ivar admonished in reaction to the girl’s shocked expression “Please, ignore my brother. He, too, has drugs that need to wear off his system”

“You’re no fun, Ivar” Hvitserk couldn’t argue back on the drugs part. “A pleasure to help, milady. Until next time” He did a silly bow and left the apartment back to the car. 

“Is he always like that?” 

 “Most of the time, yeah.” Ivar shrugged his shoulders “Hand me your phone” Because she did without complaining, he got it and put his number in there “I’m Ivar Lothbrook. Whenever you need help.”

What he really wanted to say was ‘text me’. He didn’t have the nerve for that, tho.

For the first time that night she finally showed a glimpse of a smile “Honestly, thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done without your help, Ivar Lothbrok” 

Her hand was touching his and for a moment everything seemed to stop. The way his name sounded on her lips… A shiver went down his spine. He wanted to hear it again, but most importantly he wanted to know her name.

But in that exact moment a horn yelled. Goddamned Hvitserk. He was going to wake up the whole street, which was the opposite of what the girls had asked. “I better go drive him home now or else he’ll wake up the whole neighborhood” 

Yet Ivar was finding it difficult to leave. To leave her. Another honk made him take the necessary steps.

“I mean it when I say for you to use my number whenever. Stay safe”

He finally closed the door behind him and walked back to the car, but not before looking over his shoulder. There she was, by the window, waving goodbye with a shy smile on her face.

He needed to see her again.

The next morning Ivar woke up rather hopeful of seeing a text message. Seeing there was none, his day didn’t kick off exactly on the right terms. Throughout the day he checked his phone more times than he cared to admit and each time he grew impatient and irritated. What was it about that girl to make him like this? It’s not like he usually gave a crap about whoever he met.

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve got a right cob-on” his older brother Ubbe asked later that day when they were all chilling by the firepit  in the backyard of the Lothbrook’s home.

Although in Norway it was uncommon for people their age to still be living at home, in their case that’s how things were and worked out great most days. Usually it was just the four brothers and the house was  big enough for them not to be in each other’s ways.. Their mother, Aslaug Lothbrok, ran one the country’s finest art galleries. After her husband’s arrest she had moved her gallery to the capital city, Oslo, instead of their home city. Lately she spent most of her time there rather than at home. 

“It’s nothing. Leave me alone” 

“He’s hung up” teased Hvitserk “Still thinking about the pretty blondie from last night, brother?”

Right that moment Ivar wished he could smack the mocking smiles out of his brother’s faces. 

“Well, well, well Ivar. Didn’t know you had company last night.”

“He didn’t.  Not exactly. None of us did” Hvitserk proceed to put Ubbe on the loop in regards to their little episode last night. “Instead of asking her for her number, our little brother gave her his. Wrong move, dude.” Ivar immediately regretted telling this to Hvitserk. “Don’t be so bummed out, Ivar. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Speaking of…”

A blonde Ivar doesn’t care much about exits their home in Sigurd’s company, both appearing content which can only mean one thing. Margrethe is a constant guest at the Lothbrok’s and probably the only female with the fame of being acquainted with all of the brothers’ rooms. Although a favorite among the Ragnarssons, to Ivar she’s nothing but an unpleasant company he is forced to tolerate after they fall out months ago. 

“If that’s the fish you’re hinting at, I’d rather go vegan” Ivar mumbled under his breath.

I hope you liked it! It’s my first Vikings fic :) Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language. At least five more chapters will be on the way.

[ad1thi]

the memories bring back (you)

part of the 1000 lives ‘verse, aka my: Bucky and Tony are soulmates and Tony gets captured by HYDRA and they fall in love but then after TWS Bucky escapes but Tony doesn’t and now Bucky is desperately trying to find Tony and save his soulmate - verse.

this is a timestamp of Tony and Bucky’s time at HYDRA. reading the first fic in the series is recommended but not necessarily required to understand this fic. you can always read this one first and then read the first fic later on

//

13 kills (1991)

The boy appears to be attempting to escape, as he presses his feet against the wall and tugs at his chains over and over, even though it must be hurting him to do so. Briefly, the Asset wonders if it should explain to the boy that escape is not possible, that HYDRA does not allow for such things, but it has not been told to speak to the boy, so it says nothing.

“You could help, you know,” the boy spits out, and it takes a couple of seconds for the Asset to realise that the boy is addressing it. “Bet that metal arm of yours would come in real handy right about now. My father isn’t going to pay my ransom, he never does, so you might as well KILL ME!” The boy tilts his head back and shouts the last two words, talking to people who aren’t in the room.

“What does this kind of job pay anyway?” the boy asks. “Is it really worth it? Stealing teenagers from their dorm rooms? You must really be important to them if they fitted you with a prosthesis like that.” The boy eyes its metal arm, but unlike when the Scientist used to eye the arm, there is no shudder down the Asset’s spine. It doesn’t feel the urge to flinch or cower away because there’s no spite in the boy’s look - for all the vitriol he’s spitting - only curiosity.

“I would love to get my hands on that thing,” the boy says, more to himself than anyone else, before giving the Asset a slow once-over, “I’d like to get my hands on all of you, if you weren’t some sort of creepy kidnapper. Rhodey’s gonna lose his mind when he finds out I have a hard-on for my kidnapper. This is some Stockholm Syndrome type shit.”

The boy looks like he’s about to say more, but he’s interrupted by another presence in the room. The Asset looks away from the boy, and it’s back instantly stiffens when it recognises the Handler. It jumps to its feet, sticking a foot out to still the rattling metal bed-frame, and instantly assumes parade-rest.

“At ease, soldier, ” the Handler says in an amused tone, a half smile on his lips. He doesn’t, however, make any motion for the Asset to sit, or any indication that his words are any more than just that, words, so the Asset remains standing, hands clasped behind its back.

“Anthony Stark,” the Handler says, crouching down on his knees, and reaching out to grip the boy’s jaw firmly. To his credit, the boy stares defiantly back at the Handler, and the Asset thinks that if it weren’t for the hand pressing into his cheeks, the boy might actually attempt to spit on the Handler.

“Pierce,” the boy musters out, in between gritted teeth, “If you wanted to talk, you could’ve just called ahead. There was no need for all this.” The boy waves his hands around, as best he can since they’re being weighed down by chains, “I would’ve scheduled you in.”

“Now we both know that isn’t true,” the Handler says, almost fondly, “What was it you said when I sent Fury looking for you last month? That you’d keep us on hold just to watch the line blink. That’s highly unprofessional Tony, surely your father taught you better than that.”

The boy, Tony, attempts to smile. “He did. Never did put much stock into the old man’s lessons. Bit too old fashioned for my taste.”

The Handler tsks, clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth, “I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him, my boy. It’s a shame, because he’s no longer around to drop those pearls of wisdom on you. I would really start cherishing those memories. What is that saying, ‘you don’t know what you have until it’s gone’?’”

The Handler drops his grip on Tony’s jaw, and pushes himself off the floor, dusting his knees. Some of the dirt falls on Tony’s face, and Tony shakes his head vigorously, closing and opening his eyes rapidly. He’s shaking, much like he was when the Asset first entered, but this time, the Asset thinks it’s from anger.

“Asset!” The Handler barks, and it stiffens. “Mission Report. December 16, 1991.”

“Mission: Extraction and Execution. Primary Target: Super-soldier serum,” the Asset intones, “Secondary Target: Howard Stark. Collateral: Maria Stark.”

Tony inhales a sharp breath, exhaling in a splutter like he’s being choked, but the Handler pays him no mind, so the Asset continues.

“Serum extracted at 0200 hours. Secondary target neutralised. Collateral neutralised. Return to base at 0500 hours. Mission successful.”

The Handler nods, once at the Asset, and another time, more firmly, at Tony.

“Like I said,” the Handler says to Tony, “you never know what you have until it’s gone.” Tony doesn’t seem to be paying the Handler any mind, instead glaring at the Asset, and doesn’t even notice when the Handler leaves the room. There’s an outwardly calm that’s overtaken Tony that it is stark contrast to the way he was shivering with anger, and yet, the Asset does not think he is actually calm, not in the slightest.

“You killed my mother, you son of a bitch,” Tony finally murmurs, “I’m gonna rip your heart out and feed it to you.”

**

15 kills (1992)

It is unusual for the Handler to oversee the defrosting process. Normally, when the Asset is brought out of cryo, it is only the Scientist that is waiting for him, flanked by two agents. Occasionally, the Doctor will make an appearance too, if it has been particularly long since the Asset has been wiped.

The Chair means that the Asset does not remember much of anything, but it has come to recognise the tug in it’s gut, that informs it that something is amiss. It should probably inform the Doctor of this malfunction, but it is a feeling that has served the Asset well on previous Missions, so it does not say anything.

It opens its eyes despite the cold, blinking away the remnants of ice that have collected on it’s eyelashes, and waits until it is ordered to sit up. It is when the Asset sits up that it notices the Handler, and the boy standing beside the Handler - arms handcuffed behind him and an old cloth shoved into his mouth.

There is something vaguely familiar about the boy, but the Asset does not know what.

When the Handler realises that he has the Asset’s attention, he raises the hand not resting on the boy’s shoulder, wiggling his fingers. The Handler is smiling, and muttering something to the boy that is causing a complicated amount of emotions on his face, and even makes the boy shuffle forward as if to approach the Asset - before the Handler pulls him back.

“Dr. Barnett, would you mind so kind as to prep the Asset for the Chair?” the Handler asks, even though his tone suggests that it isn’t a request. “I do believe our newest guest requires a demonstration on the repercussions of non-compliance.”

The Asset stiffens ever so slightly at the mention of the Chair but otherwise makes no indication that it is aware of what is happening.

It has been defrosted in the Recalibration Room, so it is simply a matter of stepping out of the cryo chamber, and walking across the room to the Chair. Without instruction, the Asset spreads out its hands and allows itself to be strapped down, relaxing its jaw and clenching down on the plastic bit that is fitted between its teeth.

The Chair rocks back ever so slightly, just as the harness comes down and attaches itself to both of the Asset’s temples, and the Asset involuntarily closes its eyes as electricity courses through its body, forcing it to arch it’s back and lift it’s head up in a silent scream.

“You see, my boy?” it dimly hears the Handler, almost inaudible over the sound of blood rushing through its ears, “Zola wanted us to Wipe you, turn you into an automaton just like Barnes. But I knew better, I knew that there were easier ways to gain your allegiance.”

The pain ebbs and flows, as the Scientist modulates the dials. The Asset is granted a small reprieve, no longer than a breath, before the electricity is ramped up again.

“Stop! Can’t you see you’re hurting him? Stop please! I’ll do whatever you want!”

Just as quick as the electricity is increased, it is abruptly stopped, and the Asset sags against the Chair, taking big, heaving breaths through the bit in its mouth.

“So we have a deal then?” the Handler asks, and a voice that the Asset cannot place replies, “Yes. You stop, you stop torturing him like this, and I’ll do whatever you want. No more fights.”

The Handler is looming over the Asset’s line of sight, presumably having moved closer while the Asset was being Wiped, and he’s smiling.

“Brilliant,” the Handler is looking at the Asset, but the words are meant for someone else. “First order of business - you’re going to upgrade the Asset’s arm. I don’t think it’s been worked on since the 1950s, and that’s an awfully long time, don’t you think?”

“Soldier,” the Handler says, and now the Handler is talking to the Asset, “It’s time you met your new partner in crime. Anthony Edward Stark, Designation: Assistant.”

The Asset spits out the bit, because its hands are still strapped down, and repeats, “Anthony Edward Stark, Designation: Assistant.”

Next to the Handler, the boy, the Assistant, attempts to smile, but it comes out as a grimace.

continue reading on ao3!!

[umbralstars]

Alright now that I've talked a bit about his province it's time to talk about the man himself. We should all be aware of the few bits of canon info we got about Rufus, but here's my own general thoughts about his character and the relationships he has with his family.

Rufus is 13 years older than Lambert and wasn't exactly thrilled when his parents decided to make Lambert heir instead because of him possessing a crest while Rufus didn't. Rufus understands logically why Crests are useful for rulers to have (the legitimacy they offer along with a powerful Relic if a ruler needs to defend the state is useful and he won't deny that) but doesn't believe a Crest necessarily makes one automatically a good ruler. Recognizing early on the faults in Faerghus' system of governance, and feeling like he has something to prove, Rufus was hell bent on leaving his mark on Faerghus whether he's king or not.

Rufus is actually an incredibly intelligent politician who studied not only the governing systems of old, but also tried to learn as much as he could about foreign governments so he could reform Faerghus. He's been reform minded since he was a teenager. Even spent a good portion of Lambert's formative years impressing his ideas onto his younger brother, until Lambert knew enough to start coming up with his own ideas and debating solutions with Rufus. While the brothers were never the closest, Rufus implicitly trusted Lambert because his brother was just willing to trust and listen to him and that meant a lot to Rufus. He did more than his fair share of criticizing his younger brother, but at least he knew Lambert could find appreciation in that.

As Grand Duke of Itha, Rufus had a certain view on wealth and how a government should be structured.

He firmly believes that wealth should be used to glorify the state through great public works and that a well educated populace along with a well fed and protected populace led to the greatest societies. He still lived large and made it known, but he had a more patriotic attitude towards his wealth and believed he had a moral obligation to spend it on Faerghus' greatness. Under his rule, Castell Itha went from a cultural backwater in Faerghus to having one of the largest public libraries (something that would be replicated in Fhirdiad with Lambert turning the Fhirdiad College of Sorcery's library into a royal one open to the public) in Fodlan and having better urban planning than many cities in the Empire. He personally encouraged the creation of great works of art, poetry, and new magical techniques all for the good of Faerghus. He believed that Faerghus could be a cultural powerhouse and he was going to make it so by Sothis.

Rufus' aspirations weren't just limited to Itha either as he was of the opinion that Faerghus' incredibly decentralized governance style was holding the Kingdom back from greatness. Ever since Loog, the Kingdom had been an almost confederation of various states who paid homage to House Blaiddyd and the royal court but devolved so much power on internal matters they were functionally independent. The Kingdom's codes of chivalry were mostly developed and lauded by the crown as a way to retain some centralized authority and respect, but the various states in Faerghus could pretty much beef with each other as they pleased. Nowhere worse was this problem than in the northern reaches of Faerghus. Because much of the north has sided with Loog there was never any consolidation, so the north was made up of hundreds of duchies, counties, baronies, etc that could give the Holy Roman Empire a run for its money.

Rufus saw all of this as a blight on the Kingdom and made it his life's mission to fix it when he became Grand Duke. Lambert and him were working towards a goal of essentially a federalized monarchy with a strong centralized government. It's the entire reason he started to consolidate power and take out anyone who dared to get in his way. He also has a very 'my way or the highway' outlook on the other noble houses and wouldn't hesitate to screw them over if they don't fall into lines or prove to him that they're incapable of leadership. 

Rufus can also be incredibly petty and spiteful if he feels he's been offended in some way. House Galatea is the big example of this. Galatea had been having financial problems for decades before hand, and the Count spurning Rufus on his betrothal request for peaceful inclusion in the Grand Duchy he considered a grave insult. Rufus didn't incite the rebellion as some claim but he did capitalize on it because he wanted to show how weak Galatea was and undermine the Count's authority. A more bloody example came when a smaller noble house in his domain tried to kill Rufus and his heir to take the riches for themselves. While they failed on both counts, Rufus decided to purge the entire family and their supporters with having the ringleaders tried and executed leaving the rest to flee for the Alliance.

The only House he begrudgingly respects is House Fraldarius because he does consider Rodrigue to be a capable leader and they do somewhat get along. They encountered each other a lot and, while Rogrigue is critical of Rufus' certain proclivities, they were able to be amicable to one another. He dislikes how many nobles fled to House Fraldarius due to the perceived aggression on the Grand Duchy's part. But for him, as long as Rodrigue was on Lambert's side with the reform measures he can share power in the north. He and Margrave Gautier have always disliked each other for numerous reasons, but the two don't clash over territory so they can tolerate each other's presence.

Rufus is also a mixed bag of being extremely charismatic, but pretty much only becomes so to woo people or get what he wants. In all other aspects of his life Rufus was domineering and stubborn with his beliefs and in his social life. He was and still is extremely piss poor at handling emotions and this includes his own. He could also be cold and ruthless when it came to pursuing his goals and was willing to do shitty things to get results.

Speaking of doing shitty things yes the man is a prolific womanizer, and every single relationship he has with the women in his life and his children is unique. He does frequent brothels and has done so since he was in his late teens. He courts heiresses to incorporate their houses into his territory or for purely political gain. Many of the children he has had may very not consider him a father at all simply because he's never been in their lives for whatever reason. At bare minimum he makes sure his mistresses and his bastards have at least a comfortable living situation, but that's about it. Rufus is obviously not incapable of loving people or considering his children family, he just doesn't a lot of the time while he never wishes ill upon them. There are a few instances where this was not the case and he was much closer to his mistresses and children, but they were honestly few and far between.

Since I mentioned his family other than Lambert and Dimitri it’s OC time. 

Rufus and Emyr

Darya Artemi was probably one of the few women Rufus ever truly fell and love with. He initially approached her in the same way he had heiresses in the past with just intentions of courting her along with her soon to be lands, but somewhere along the line he genuinely did fall for her. When Emyr was born and it was discovered he had a Major Crest Rufus jumped on the opportunity to make him the heir. They never did legally marry, but she was Duchess Consort in everything but legality. Darya was mostly fine with having an open relationship with Rufus as long as he was around for her and their children.

Rufus as a parent is just as domineering as in every other aspect of his life. He could be caring but extremely strict as well and pushed for perfection in everything Emyr did. He wanted his son to be the perfect heir for the province he was building, and be like him in many aspects. Emyr did love his father and wanted to live up to every expectation.

When Darya died, Rufus experienced one of the first major depressive episodes in his life. He pulled away from his children, threw himself into work and all of his vices, and became even harder on Emyr than he was previously. If her death wasn't enough, some of his mistresses felt an opportunity to get ahead and tried to fill the void or even remove Emyr on a few occasions. The houses never really leveled out again and both Emyr and Rufus clung to the perceived stability they had before Darya's death to their relationship's detriment. They never could come close to breaching those vulnerable waters.

When Emyr ran away with Katya, it came after years of strife between him and his father that did permanently damage their relationship. Rufus was devastated when he lost Emyr and Katya along with a good portion of his family. He grew even more depressed, lost control of the court entirely, and never could form anywhere close to a good relationship with his nephew. He lost a good number of relationships during the four years before his death in friends and family. He spent the last years of his life guilt ridden, dogged by horrible rumors, and trying to keep together a country which was begging to rip itself a part. 

For Emyr's part, he never did wish for his father to die in the way he did. In some ways he did love Rufus even after everything. Emyr is like his father in many ways and terrified of becoming him in many others. 

TL;DR: Rufus is complicated.

[hoyaanae]

My thoughts and all the things I love about Lovely Us (2020)

This drama really surprised me with how good it was written and made despite already knowing that this is highly rated by my cdrama mutuals. First ep right off the bat made me laugh and cry. The following eps kept the flow really well and established the characters and their relations. Before I know it, I'm already in love and attached to the characters and everything about this drama. It's very charming, calming and heartwarming to watch. The acting, writing, execution, ost, and production are well-done.

Set in 2007, this is another drama with nostalgic vibe that will remind you of your childhood and probably teenage years as well of your old neighborhood and the people you used to hang out with when you're younger. Even though I'm kinda fed up with childhood friends to lovers trope by now, this one did it the right way. Romance is slowburn but the buildup isn't slow at all. The main cp are so cute despite the daily bickerings that you just can't help but root for them to be together. It also have unrequited love trope where you'll see the character continuously root for that person and not expecting anything in return. There's no antagonist/evil characters in this story, just your feel-good slice-of-life drama with a touch of teenage romance in it.

Another strong point this drama have is the friendship and family dynamics. The five main leads have such amazing and solid friendship and their chemistry with each other is very natural to watch you'll wish you have the kind of friendship they have. It's endearing how their respective families are friends with one another and the parents have absolute trust with their children even allowing them to stay in closed room, have overnight at their house without adult supervision and even go to outdoor camping sharing one tent. It's refreshing to see how they showcased different parenting styles in each household and the parents aren't portrayed as someone controlling, instead they understand and communicate with their children. There's even one case wherein a parent realized he's doing it wrong so he asked for advice and help from his son's friend in order to get closer with his son.

Unlike other dramas, this one never drags out misunderstandings and touches the issue in the most heartwarming way that it never felt annoying or frustrating to watch, instead I became emotional at those moments that I can't help but shed a tear or ugly cry.

The characters are funny, full of mischief but sweet and thoughtful on the inside. It's a delight to watch them get together and have their little meetings, bicker and help each other out.

The ost will surely stay on repeat in my playlist for the next few days or weeks even. The song choices fit the mood so well and I find myself heavily lss-ed with the opening song. The song "Can I See You Tomorrow?" gives off the ultimate nostalgic vibe and reminds me of one ISWAK ost.

What really stood out to me the most are the moments in each ep wherein a certain character will narrate his/her thoughts about love, life, and family. They're beautifully and oftentimes poetically written matching with flashback scenes that made the dialogue even more heartfelt.

Here are some of the lines that are deeply engraved in my heart because they are beautifully written and will really go well as book passages:

"Once people become parents, their memory begins to become biased. They always remember they are their children's most reliable parents, but often forget that they are also children loved by their own parents. When they are waiting for their children to come back home, they forget that their own parents are also waiting for their return in a similar mood."

"The audio frequency of the sound when a snowflake falls on the water surface is over 50,000 Hz. Because it falls beyond human being's hearing range, this snowy day is still so quiet that it seems I can only hear my own heartbeat and that it seems there is only me and the person in front of me on this planet with a population of 6.6 Billion. I hope this world can be noiser so that I can pretend that I've never discovered this secret."

"They think that the probability is just 0.01, so they put on the emperor's new clothes, trying to hide their affections with magic. But affections are not that easy to hide. Even if the probability is pretty low, it will be revealed at a certain moment. So on that rainy night, while looking at her back, he found that the most obvious evidence of falling in love with her was the feeling of easement in his heart and the smile on his face when he looked at her."

"You think nothing will change as time flies by. But this time, the moment you let go and turn around, some things completely changed. The sun went down and before it rises again, some people will leave you forever. We always thought that there would be a big ceremony to say goodbye, so we keep waiting for a warm hug, a refreshing drink, and a heartfelt goodbye, but in the end, we realized that most goodbyes in our lives are all silent."

"At that silent corner in my mind, there are a number of weird illusions. For example, can I become Alice who enters the wonderland with White Rabbit? For example, can I become the little girl who enters the forest with Totoro? For example, is there some special switch in this box which can teleport me? No, none of them exist. There's no flying dragons or knights, and I'm not the heroine of some comics for girls, either. However, the only thing I'm sure about is that this escape greatly shocks my world. My palms would sweat, and my sight would be indistinct. Then my view becomes narrower and narrower until there's room for only one person in my eyes. After a long time, I know such a moment is named adventure, in which the one in your eyes is irreplaceable."

"The familiar chirping of cicadas on summer nights, the familiar bear doll who must lean by the lamb, the familiar lovely girl who frowns even when she sleeps, and the 17-yr-old time wrapped by the sense of familiarity never seem to have changed. The only difference is that when I look at the familiar him, I feel a flurry and uneasiness that I have never expected."

"There are many new days like today. Today, he holds my hand. Today, he holds me in his arms. Today, he carries me on his back and runs in the street in the early morning. Many days with him like today will eventually become my unforgettable past days. I'll remember days like today for a long time."

"Friendship means so much to us. It brings us close, and makes me flinch, so sometimes we just tell ourselves that as long as we're together, I can be just a friend of hers. But the taxi that I failed to catch, the phone calls that have been hung up, the time that's flying and my restless heart are telling me eagerly that in this world, both love and friendship are important. Every detail related to you is reminding me that we can't be just friends. So when it's still not too late, I have to tell you the things that I want to tell you as soon as possible. Huang Chengzi, I like you."

"In this world, it seems like all wishes have a guardian. Wishing wells, shooting stars, the aquarium's white whale. They're all hiding in the corners of the universe caressing the sorrow of loving someone alone. It's just that the god of happiness can't bless everyone out there. They let some people be happy and their wishes come true, and let some be sad, but they can't admit how sad they really are. The feeling of being in love is like a butterfly gently flapping its wings, that stirs up a hurricane in people's hearts. The second you realize it, then there's no escape."

[beybladefanboy]

Beyblade Seasons Ranked

Here is my personal ranking, from worst to best, of the seasons of Beyblade Metal Fight: Metal Fusion, Metal Masters, Metal Fury, and the awkward spin-off Shogun Steel. Yeah, let’s get into that:

4 Shogun Steel

Honestly even if I did like Shogun Steel for what it is, it would still be at the bottom just by default. It can barely be considered part of the Metal Saga. The main characters in the last three seasons are either absent or reduced to supporting roles in favour of new characters who aren’t nearly as interesting or likeable. It is by definition a spin off. It feels very disjointed from the rest of the series because of these factors along with the lighter tone, the changes to the Beyblade system, and even some continuity errors particularly with Fury. Bringing back Doji again was also the biggest leap in logic this whole series made and feels downright lazy. The whole story just feels like a watered down Fusion with many of the story beats being similar and some characters never growing past mere echoes of the old characters. Some of the bey battles are fun and Ren and Takanosuke are decent characters but there’s a reason this show doesn’t get much attention. It falls into the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy trap of being overly dependent on original series sucker punches for its appeal and not putting as much effort into the new stuff. So as a result, the new stuff, some of which has potential, isn’t as fleshed out as it should be. This show is honestly fine on its own but awful when compared to the Metal Saga and it is comparing itself to the Metal Saga. This show intentionally put itself in the Metal Saga’s shadow and seemed content with being just that: a shadow of greatness.

3 Metal Masters

Okay, this is where I’m gonna start pissing people off. Don’t get me wrong, Masters is great and I don’t think it’s clearly worse than the other two seasons or anything. I think the main three seasons are very close in quality and putting them in any kind of order was incredibly difficult. However, I do think Masters is slightly weaker than Fusion and Fury. First off, it introduces Masamune. I don’t like Masamune. I find his whole “I’m the number 1 blader” shtick incredibly obnoxious and he’s everything I don’t like in real Americans: self absorbed, disloyal, big mouthed, entitled, and just annoying in general. He did have good character development over the course of the season but I personally can’t stand him. The pacing of this season also isn’t the best. With the exception of the Dark Tsubasa arc (which I’ll get to!), the season is just a normal world tournament until they get to America, which I don’t find very interesting. Kenta is also criminally underused. In Fusion he was basically a second main character and there are some episodes specifically following him. Then in Masters, he’s pushed aside in favour of side characters. People say Fury underused characters, and I’ll get to that, but holy crap, Masters gave Kenta no room to grow. Aside from him though, the other characters are used really well. I particularly like how Kyoya and Ryuga are incorporated. This is actually the season where I grew attached to Ryuga during my viewing in December. I was starting to like him in Fusion but this season cemented my newfound attachment. This season also gave us the dark Tsubasa arc, which is one of my favourite plot points from the show overall. It’s a fascinating look into the mind of a character I already really liked and it allowed Tsubasa to develop a lot. I love the conclusion that you cannot drive out the darkness in yourself, you have to accept it as part of who you are in order to properly control it. It’s brilliant, and I can personally relate this message to my own life. The dark Tsubasa arc is probably the strongest part of the season overall as the rest of it until we get to the HD Academy conflict kind of drags for me. However, when we do finally get to the HD Academy conflict, it is very fun. The whole “spiral energy” thing was actually pretty creative and while brainwashing isn’t a new concept for this show, I think they went more in depth with it in this season and it was pretty interesting. So yeah, still a really good season.

2 Metal Fusion

If I was ranking based on nostalgia, this would be number one. In fact, it probably deserves to be number one. However, I do have a few problems with this season that hold it back and it’s not the pacing. Actually, out of all the seasons, Fusion probably has the best pacing. The main villains, Doji and Ryuga, are introduced early in the season and all the characters are developed throughout the season, building up to the final tournament: Battle Bladers, which is also set up fairly early. The story is predictable but very well-structured. My biggest problem with this season is the plot twist with Gingka’s dad. Not only is it painfully obvious, but the reveal of the twist drags the plot to a screeching halt for nearly an entire episode, hurting the pacing and making an entire episode an exposition dump. It also made Gingka’s dad a terrible character. You can argue that him abandoning his teenage son and making him believe he was dead was for the greater good, although I personally still think it’s messed up, but breaking Gingka’s point counter like that was a step way too far. That moment serves to further the story by forcing Gingka to work harder to get into Battle Bladers. But did it have to be his dad who broke the point counter? I argue it didn’t. Gingka’s dad was flat out abusive to his son on that occasion and was pretty cold to him in general as Phoenix and yet the plot and even some of the characters praise Ryo for doing this. Why?! The way the story is structured puts Ryo in the right for abusing his son which disgusts me. That is my biggest problem with this season and possibly the whole series to be honest. I hate it that much. However, apart from that and those random filler episodes with Sora that in my opinion were boring, this season was really solid. Like I said, the story is told well and the characters are all introduced and developed well. Battle Bladers is definitely the highlight of this season, having the most intense battles and hardest hitting moments. Those episodes are exhausting to watch, because of Reiji and Ryuga. Reiji was randomly introduced in Battle Bladers and decided to try and rival Ryuga in how much he could traumatize the characters (and younger me). I have no idea why they decided to do that, but it worked. Ryuga in this season is the best villain in the whole series. He has such a presence to him: his (dubbed) voice, his sadistic expressions, his abilities, the music that plays when he’s onescreen. He’s over the top but in my opinion, Ryuga is the perfect balance between entertaining and intimidating. He’s even slightly sympathetic by the end of the season when he gets taken over by dark power and is seen trying to fight its control. They managed to both make Ryuga an irredeemable psychopath and found a believable way to redeem him. I love that in the end, Gingka isn’t fighting to defeat Ryuga, he’s fighting to defeat the dark power, which came from the greed and hatred of humans. Basically, the problem isn’t humanity, it’s humanity’s greed/hatred and being consumed by these feelings lead to evil. That is genius. This season also had two of my favourite battles in the entire series: Kyoya vs Ryuga, and Gingka vs Ryuga.

1 Metal Fury

Yeah, I said it. Fury is my personal favourite season. It probably has more wrong with it than Masters and Fusion but honestly, Fury’s strengths more than make up for its weaker parts for me. The only problem I have with Fury that actively hinders my enjoyment is Kyoya’s poorly handled arc, which I’ve been over multiple times and wrote a whole fanfiction rectifying. To sum it up briefly: it was rushed and weakened Kyoya’s character when it had the chance to develop him. I will admit this season also had too few episodes. I don’t think it was rushed per say, it just feels like parts are missing. There should’ve been more leading up to Nemesis’ revival and an actual epilogue episode because as it stands now, Fury ends really suddenly without much actual confirmation of where the characters we know and love ended up. It’s kind of jarring. Overall however, I really love Fury. I love the adventure style story and there's so much variety to the bey battles this time around, both in terms of the beys themselves and the stadiums. It’s just more interesting to watch. It also did a great job giving all the major characters victories, not just Gingka. This is something Masters also did well and a gripe I have with Fusion: Gingka gets all the major victories in Metal Fusion and pushes the other characters to the wayside. Well, Masters and Fury fixed this issue in my opinion. The very final fight of Fury against the shadow Nemesis could’ve been executed better in my opinion. However, it hits all the right emotional beats for a final battle and still grabs my attention rewatching it, so I can put aside my criticisms of it while watching it. Also, I like that “destiny” is something these characters are controlling themselves and can go either way rather than being some unstoppable force that they will all give in to eventually otherwise they’re villains. Because that’s how Yugioh does it and it’s probably my biggest problem with that show. In that series, it feels like the characters are all just blindly accepting “destiny” and those that don’t, Kaiba and Marik most notably, are deemed villains for wanting to take control over their lives and not be governed by some invisible force. Yes, I know Marik went to some horrible extremes using this logic but it still bothers me that the only characters in that show that don’t throw their lives away blindly following someone else’s whims are deemed villains. It’s just kind of messed up. Fury thankfully subverts this. “Destiny” is not an unstoppable force in Beyblade, it’s the will of the characters and those characters are allowed to make their own choices. It makes the story more interesting and the characters more likeable because the characters are the ones driving the story, which feels so much more natural. Yeah, I really like the characters in Fury. Honestly, I’m more attached to Yuki, King, and Chris than anyone introduced in Masters and the other legendary blader characters all bring something different and interesting to the table that I don’t think older characters could have. I also like how the old characters are used. Sure, Tsubasa and Yu are underused this season. But guess who also got a lot of focus last season? Tsubasa and Yu. And some of the characters who were underused in Masters, Kyoya and Kenta, get more focus in this season. They did mess up Kyoya’s arc in my opinion but the effort is there and I appreciate his presence before and after that. Kenta especially was severely underused in Masters so this season decided to make him relevant again and they did it in such an endearing way. You all know how much I love Ryuga and Kenta’s friendship. It’s one of the things that should have gotten more focus but what we do get is good enough build up. This season was the one that drew the most emotion out of me during my most recent viewing and that was because of Ryuga and Kenta. I was devastated by Ryuga’s death (even if he may not actually be dead, that’s certainly what it felt like in the moment) and the scene where he gives Kenta his power was the most touching moment in the entire show for me.

Well, that ranking probably pissed some people off. Again, I love the classic three seasons. (I’m not a fan of Shogun Steel but it has its moments.) Choosing between the three of them like that was incredibly difficult, especially Fusion and Fury. In the end, I just had to go with my gut.

[kryptsune]

World Building Wednesday! (AU edition)~

The Hunt (Fellswap)

*I am going to start off with some basic information just to start!* 

The Surface:  The surface has been overrun by corrupt leaders. It is very much the concept of big brother. They are a council that presides over the affairs of the world. If you are seen as a threat you will be immediately thrown into “prison” without a trial. They hold occasional public trials in the guise of being fair. Just as WTU claims, the very concept of magic is a threat to them so those that have it are quickly disposed of but leaders don’t always do the dirty work themselves. No. In fact, they use another source by means of execution…the monsters. More accurately it is very similar to the idea of throwing your enemies into a kind of gladiatorial arena. It is not technically considered an execution if circumstances lead to death. The humans are not stupid they know what is going on. Some believe in rebellion against the state and some wonder if the monsters could fix their corrupt world. Either way, the corruption continues and they are not above tossing innocents into “the pit” if it suits their agenda.  “The Pit” (aka the Underworld/Underground):  The underworld is broken up into different factions by location. The only location without a faction or any type of ruler is The Ruins, because of its size and its isolation this is where humans try to reach for some form of Salvation. Asgore, the caretaker, has made it into an encampment for those that have fallen (the innocent ones). It is almost like a refugee camp. Unfortunately very few make it to Asgore’s safe haven. He does his best. Poor goat dad. He is not like canon Toriel however as he will use violence if necessary as he knows that humans are simply using them as tools to get rid of who they deem criminal. There are signs of old campfires, broken tents, and habitation. Before The Ruins is, of course, the main factions. “Snowdin” is the beginning and Crimson is one of the most powerful in the Underworld. 

The Layout of the world: New Home= The Capital Snowdin= Magmire Waterfall= Windyspires Hotland= Tundra

The Underworld is backward to its original layout. The humans end up trapped in The Capital instead and they have to make their way to The Ruins to escape. So it would go like this: The Capital -> Tundra ->Windyspires ->Magmire. The closer the faction to the capital the higher the rank in other words because both Grimm and Crimson live in Tundra. Crim is the lord making him one of the most notorious. He is known for being a loyal “dog” to his queen. Whether that be out of loyalty or self preservation is unclear.  Each faction has a lord or lady that rules over it. The ones loyal to Toriel’s (As a side note she is known as the ice queen) regime and their supposed way of life. This also means the closest ones receive the most benefits. Tundra is the one with the most prestige and of course other monsters are trying to strip that title from its current holder, The Crimson Lord. Due to Crimson’s loyalty, he is almost exempt from any wrongdoing in the Queens’ eyes which means he can do pretty much anything he wants. Which is dangerous and I will explain why in a bit. I have a faction ruler list sitting here so I am going to add that to this as well. They are as follows, of course, this does not account for potential power struggles during the story:  The Capital -> QUEEN: Toriel Dreemurr Tundra -> Lord: Crimson         Lady: N/A Windyspires -> Lord? (I mean she wouldn’t want to be called a lady SHE IS TOO TOUGH FOR THAT!): Alphys         Lady: Undyne Magmire-> Lord: Grillby     Lady: Muffet “It’s Hunt or be Hunted”: The motto of this verse. After so many centuries of humans being disposed of by monsters they become aggressive. In addition the anger toward all of humanity begins to fuel violence in the monsters. The hunts deter monster on monster violence. It also adds fuel to Queen Toriel’s fire that one of the humans that fell down the first time killed her son. This of course is a lie as Asriel seeks refuge with his father in The Ruins. He helps as much as he can watch his mother lose her mind from afar. It saddens him but he refuses to be a part of this new world order. That is when they realized that humans weren’t just falling into the Underworld. They were throwing throwing the worst of the worst. Their undesirables, criminals, and anyone that dare went against their own agenda. At first, they just captured them and held them in the Capitals network of catacombs but then some began to escape causing damage across their “New Home”. Toriel wouldn’t allow it. A proposal turns it into a game of cat and mouse. The humans are detained and released and then the monsters hunt them down. It used to be about protection but now it’s become a sick twisted death game. The forests of Tundra are littered with traps and deadly pitfalls along with the rest of the locations.

The Brothers Grimm:

Grimm is the wilder of the two brothers and is very much a predator type. His name is derived from the mythos of the Grimm or Black dog. I wanted to keep that dark omen symbology in both his name and design. He slinks around in the shadows so that the black dog aspect is not far off. He also loves watching from trees.  He enjoys the catching and hunting aspect of his job and even plays around with his “toys” when he finds them. He will specifically call anyone “chew toy” in a mocking kind of way. That does not mean though that he will not spare you if he catches you. He is naturally curious by things. He also has a little skele tail too. Unlike his brother, Grimm doesn’t really have an ego he just finds his job fun. He is like a giant untamed wolf. Grimm has a love of sweets as well.  He admires his brother but he is not bound to his brother. In other words this is not a master, dog dynamic. He is, however, the more accepting of the two. If he is asked to do something he doesn’t approve of then he most likely won’t. Also just because he has the whole puppy thing going on doesn’t mean he isn’t smart and cunning. Again he likes to play around with those he finds sometimes not even dragging them back to his brother for a while. If you are a threat he will kill you but if you’re not you can probably get on his good side. If he thinks you are cute he will probably flirt with you too. He is not beyond that. He plays the part of the dog quite well. Crimson is more sophisticated. He doesn’t go out on “hunts” himself often as he has a faction to rule over but those brought to him will see first hand that he is an insufferable flirt. He is prideful, egotistical, and commanding. He also has a bad habit of keeping mementos from those he deems worthy (what those are… you don’t want to know). He is stern with his brother and seems very outwardly cold to most unless he is playing up his charm. He is not someone you want to make angry as Toriel considers him to also be the Bloody Lord. His weapon of choice is a rapier. His drinks of choice are red wine and champagne specifically the pink kind. Crimson’s incisor teeth also have that vampire point to them. They are longer than the rest of them. There is far more to Crimson than just a ruthless skeleton lord.

The Ultimate Unlikely Hunters: This backstory will involve Grimm and Crimson’s unusual infliction and conditions. They were both experiments under Rivers research team in the beginning. Having been weak monsters as children unable to gain any LV they had to think of a way to survive. They did not seem to possess the ability to wield magic. Tired, injured, and without hope Papyrus carried his baby brother all the way to Windyspires banging weakly on the metal plated doors. The Royal scientist at the time, Dr. River Styx, took the boys in. River cares about the two brothers and he gives them a choice if they want to become stronger as their souls are not capable of it on their own. Grimm takes the offer hoping it will save his baby brother offering to be the first test subject.  At the time Undyne was nothing but a teenage prodigy lab tech watching the events of soul manipulation take place. At first the process works. Pap is able to conjure new bone like attacks with magic and all seems to be well. The results cause River to start the experiment on Sans next. By this time complications have already begun to show signs. Pap seems to be more short tempered and aggressive even with little things. His mood swings cause him to lock himself up being monitored day by day. 

Sans has never seen his gentle brother this aggressive before forcing himself to look away as they have to strap him down for a follow up experiment. He tries to help his brother the best he can and takes on the older brother role due to Pap’s inability to think clearly. Even he is starting to change. The longer this situation continues the more Sans becomes numb to the feeling. That is until one day Pap’s condition takes a turn for the worse causing him to lash out, bones shifting and elongating. He drops to the ground in agony transforming into a skeletal beast like wolf tearing the entire lab apart.  Sans on the other hand continues to take care of his brother but he too is feeling some strange side effects to the soul manipulation. It turns out that each monster’s ancestry buried deep within their soul draws upon a primal power. Not all monsters were about love and compassion in the beginning. Bringing this primal trait to the surface causes adverse physical and biological changes within the two. Sans is more gradual as he starts to be in immense pain. His soul struggles to keep itself together but even he snaps lunging at a lab tech. He zeros in on their soul pulling it from their chest and sinking his teeth into it, draining it of its life force. The pain is suddenly gone. He realizes that he needs souls essence and power to keep that hunger/thirst at bay. It gives him extraordinary abilities. He remembers a long time ago reading about a monster that humans had such a fear of, the vampire.  As he comes into power he realizes that humans concentrated soul traits are even better than monster souls. The blood has a high concentration of soul essence which sustains humans as well as monsters (yes the monsters bleed in this). His brother learns to control this new beast within himself but not before he nearly claws his brothers socket out, hence the signature scar. Crimson has scars on his entire body from trying to reason with his once feral brother. They slowly work their way up to eventually ruling the second most powerful kingdom in the entire Underworld with exception to The Capitol. The constant hunts keep both the brothers conditions satisfied. No one is quite sure how the two skeleton brothers became this way after River’s disappearance, all except Undyne.       

*This is just to get started! If you have any questions about the characters, how the world works, the layout, story, any of that go ahead and drop me an ask I would love to answer them!*

[filmwuju]

[TRANS] Character Introduction: People around Dan-ah

Seo Taewoong | Jeong Jihyun | Seo Myeongmin | Dong Kyung | Lucian

Seo Taewoong (Male, 25) Member of boy group AtoZ

He thought "snowfall with large snowflakes" only existed in fairy tales. He lived in LA since he was born, and it was winter when he came back to Korea—an extremely cold country that snows a lot. To Taewoong, who came back to his motherland, that was his impression.

A name that is familiar to anyone, Seo Taewoong. But if you're imagining the man from the manga, then you're mistaken. He can't even go near sports, much less play basketball. He was born with a weak heart. Starting from the incubator, he spent his entire childhood in hospitals. He's got the narrative of a sickly handsome boy, but his temper is terrible beyond comparison. It was a result of his life since birth: enduring each day not knowing when he's going to die, going back and forth between the pathetic sense of hope that since he's feeling less sick today, he'll be better tomorrow.

His existence itself was a rumor. The fact that not even one family member visits the teenage boy who spends 350 out of 365 days in the hospital, was a permission that it's fine to gossip all they want. An abandoned love child of a conglomerate family, a popular actress's love child, a powerful sponsor's love child, so on and so forth. The rumors were not that far from the truth. Because he was a mistress's son, an existence that is one level up from being a love child.

Due to him attending hospitals instead of school, he was almost like an uncivilized man who is not yet fully socialized. When he came back to Korea in that state, Taewoong was 18. Amidst the thorough indifference, Taewoong was devastated. They let me in the house, and what they wanted from me was to "just stay alive." If need be, Father would probably use me to protect the things that my half brother and sister built up. He was so lonely, it felt like he had to sulk up and cry in a Dom Pérignon champagne bath that cost a billion won. What did he expect? Whether in Korea or in the US, there's nothing different.

Since his lineal relatives ignore him for being a mistress's son, he was treated as an invisible person by his collateral relatives*. Except for his half sister Dan-ah.

Dan-ah at least hated Taewoong. To the point that she had to pay him a hospital visit in the US. He felt happy about that. He learned that he has to do things Dan-ah hates to attract her attention; and while doing those, it became the joy in his life. People would probably say I'm crooked and twisted if they see me. That I'm a pervert masochistic scumbag lout. He didn't even wish for love. He just wanted to receive at least some attention. That thirst made him turn his gaze towards becoming an idol.

Don't disregard the ten-year hospital experience of the recognized "pediatric ward idol." Among the careers which one can have even without a diploma, being an idol is the one that received the least prejudice. Taewoong, who became the eldest member of AtoZ (when he doesn't even know how to do anything), possesses a great amount of fans due to his confident attitude and a personality that doesn't hold back. To be honest, they're probably all after his looks, but that's sufficient. He didn't become an idol because of music anyway. The feeling of receiving love—he thought it would be enough. Forgetting that he's best friends with despair.

In society, Taewoong is Voldemort. Only people close to him know of his existence, and they don't reveal it recklessly. People who like the idol Seo Taewoong are all over the world, but among the people who know the human Seo Taewoong, not even one likes him. There are dozens of languages around the world saying they love Taewoong, but one corner of his heart feels endlessly empty.

* Lineal relatives refers to the relatives you directly descended from and the relatives who directly descended from you (ex. grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren). Collateral relatives refers to any blood relatives who are not your direct ancestors or descendants (ex. siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.).

Jeong Jihyun (Male, early 30s) Dan-ah's Chief Secretary

Unlike his stern appearance, he is a humane person who pursues what's right and knows how to embrace the weak. He may totally look like a gangster to people who meet him for the first time, but he's actually a law school graduate.

His connection with Seomyung Group began when he became the private tutor of Taewoong, who was in exile in the US. Dan-ah began to keep an eye on him since then and scouted him the moment he finished attending the Judicial Research and Training Institute, telling him that suits suit him better than judge's robes do. Dan-ah needed a my person who is smart, and Jihyun had no big intentions in becoming a judicial officer.

He's a kind man who does his best in the work given to him and puts his heart into performing even the tasks not given to him at times.

Seo Myeongmin (Male, 31) Executive Director of Seomyung Group

He's the eldest son and mistress's child of Seomyung Group, born 10 months later than Dan-ah. As a wimpy person of poor caliber, he's struggling in order to not be pushed back in the line of succession, but he's in a state of having back-and-forth turnovers with Dan-ah.

Being a mistress's son himself, just because his birth mom is on the family register, he despises and looks down on the comparative (?) mistress's son Taewoong. Taewoong is basically his sandbag for releasing the inferiority he feels because of Dan-ah. He's from an Ivy League, but he does more harm than good because he's the type to do things following his heart rather than his mind. He's the type that has no in between—whenever he touches a business, it either hits a jackpot or bankruptcy.

*T/N: The question mark behind "comparative" was part of the original text.

Dong Kyung (Female, 43) Director and Agent in Dann Agency

Her intuitions are good, and her capabilities are even better. She's born with a keen eye for people. She can tell who will make it and who won't like a fortuneteller; but for her husband, she chose a man who won't make it. If she were to give an excuse, she was too young and blinded by love. What's fortunate among the unfortunate is, she realized early on that she chose the wrong husband and broke it off.

Mom, do you regret having me? Her son Yejoon once asked her. Dong Kyung couldn't answer. When she first had Yejoon at 21, she put the baby apart and went to school, even finishing her masters— that's the answer. It felt like her moment of regret had been discovered. She tried hard to replace that guilt with motherly love.

A career woman during weekdays, a camper during Saturdays, a butler who regularly attends worship service in Sunday afternoons. And a mom who has to love her children despite this busy schedule. Dong Kyung is too busy that she's in the dark. About the fact that she's overlooking the most important thing.

Lucian (Male, 24) Leader of boy group AtoZ

A third generation overseas Chinese, he's the spiritual eldest member of the multinational boy group AtoZ. That's because Taewoong, who's the actual eldest, doesn't know how to do anything aside from being pretty. His nickname is Lu. Because he's a quite well-known underground rapper who became an idol midway, he often gets attacked in the hip hop scene. When he's with Taewoong, who came from the US, they feel more comfortable speaking English with each other. He takes on the task of taking care of Taewoong's obstinate snobbishness. He's a man who receives love from fans for his easygoing and gentle image.

(orig post link from writer Park Shihyun’s DC gallery post)

[grigori77]

2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 1)

30.  BODY CAM – in the face of the ongoing pandemic, viral outbreak cinema has become worryingly prescient of late, but as COVID led to civil unrest in some quarters there were a couple of 2020 films that REALLY seemed to put their finger on the pulse of another particularly shitty zeitgeist.  Admittedly this first one highlights a problem that’s been around for a while now, but it came along at just the right time to gain particularly strong resonance, filtering its message into the most reliable form of allegorical social commentary – horror.  The vengeful ghost trope has become pretty familiar since the Millennium, but by marrying it with the corrupt cop thriller veteran horror screenwriter Nicholas McCarthy (The Pact) has given it a nice fresh spin, and the end result is a real winner.  Mary J. Blige plays troubled LAPD cop Renee Lomito-Smith, back on the beat after an extended hiatus following a particularly harrowing incident, just as fellow officers from her own precinct begin to die violent deaths under mysterious circumstances, and the only clues are weird, haunting camera footage that only Renee and her new partner, rookie Danny Holledge (Paper Towns and Death Note’s Nat Wolff), manage to see before it inexplicable wipes itself.  Something supernatural is stalking the City of Angels at night, and it’s got a serious grudge against local cops as the increasingly disturbing investigation slowly brings an act of horrific police brutality to light, until Renee no longer knows who in her department she can trust.  This is one of the most insidious scare-fests I enjoyed this past year, sophomore director Malik Vitthal (Imperial Dreams) weaving an effective atmosphere of pregnant dread and wire-taut suspense while delivering some impressively hair-raising shocks (the stunning minimart sequence is the film’s undeniable highlight), while the ghostly threat is cleverly thought-out and skilfully brought to “life”.  Blige delivers another top-drawer performance, giving Renee a winning combination of wounded fragility and steely resolve that makes for a particularly compelling hero, while Wolff invests Danny with skittish uncertainty and vulnerability in one of his strongest performances to date, and Dexter star David Zayas brings interesting moral complexity to the role of their put-upon superior, Sergeant Kesper.  In these times of heightened social awareness, when the police’s star has become particularly tarnished as unnecessary force, racial profiling and cover-ups have become major hot-button topics, the power and relevance of this particular slice of horror cinema cannot be denied.

29.  BLOOD QUANTUM – 2020 certainly was a great year for horror (even if most of the high profile stuff did get shunted into 2021), and this compellingly fresh take on the zombie outbreak genre was a strong standout with a killer hook.  Canadian writer-director Jeff Barnaby (Rhymes for Young Ghouls) has always clung close to his Native American roots, and he brings strong social relevance to the intriguing early 80s Canadian setting as a really nasty zombie virus wreaks havoc in the Red Crow Indian Reservation and its neighbouring town.  It soon becomes clear, however, that members of the local tribe are immune to the infection, a revelation with far-reaching consequences as the outbreak rages unchecked and society begins to crumble.  Barnaby pulls off some impressive world-building and creates a compellingly grungy post-apocalyptic vibe as the story progresses, while the zombies themselves are a visceral, scuzzy bunch, and there’s plenty of cracking set-pieces and suitably full-blooded kills to keep the gore-hounds happy, while the horror has real intelligence behind it, the script posing interesting questions and delivering some uncomfortable answers.  The characters, meanwhile, are a well-drawn, complex bunch, no black-and-white saviours among them, any one of them capable of some pretty inhuman horrors when the chips are down, and the cast, an interesting mix of seasoned talent and unknowns, all excel in their roles – Michael Greyeyes (Fear the Walking Dead) and Forrest Goodluck (The Revenant) are the closest things the film has to real heroes, the former a fallible everyman as Traylor, the small-town sheriff who’s just trying to do right by his family, the latter unsure of himself as his son, put-upon teenage father-to-be Joseph; Olivia Scriven, meanwhile is tough but vulnerable as his pregnant white girlfriend Charlie, Stonehorse Lone Goeman is a grizzled badass as tough-as-nails tribal elder Gisigu, and Kiowa Gordon (probably best known for playing a werewolf in the Twilight movies) really goes to the dark side as Joseph’s delinquent half-brother Lysol, while there’s another memorably subtle turn from Dead Man’s Gary Farmer as unpredictable loner Moon.  This was definitely one of the year’s darkest films – largely playing the horror straight, it tightens the screws as the situation grows steadily worse, and almost makes a virtue of wallowing in its hopeless tone – but there’s a fatalistic charm to all the bleakness, even in the downbeat yet tentatively hopeful climax, while it’s hard to deny the ruthless efficiency of the violence on display.  This definitely isn’t a horror movie for everyone, but those with a strong stomach and relatively hard heart will find much to enjoy here.  Jeff Barnaby is definitely gonna be one to watch in the future …

28.  THE MIDNIGHT SKY – Netflix’ big release for the festive season is a surprisingly understated and leisurely affair, a science fiction drama of big ideas which nonetheless doesn’t feel the need to shout about it.  The latest feature in the decidedly eclectic directorial career of actor George Clooney, this adaptation of Good Morning, Midnight, the debut novel of up-and-coming author Lily Brooks-Dalton, favours characterisation and emotion over big thrills and flashy sequences, but it’s certainly not lacking in spectacle, delivering a pleasingly ergonomically-designed view of the near future of space exploration that shares some DNA with The Martian but makes things far more sleek and user-friendly in the process.  Aether, a NASA mission to explore K-23, a newly-discovered, potentially habitable moon of Jupiter, is on its return journey, but is experiencing baffling total communications blackouts from Earth.  This is because a catastrophic global event has rendered life on the planet’s surface all but impossible, killing most of the population and driving the few survivors underground.  K-23’s discoverer, professor Augustine Lofthouse (Clooney), is now alone at a small research post in the extreme cold of the Arctic, one of the only zones left that have not yet been fully effected by the cataclysm, refusing to leave his post after having discovered he’s dying from a serious illness, but before he goes he’s determined to contact the crew of Aether so he can warn them of the conditions down on Earth.  Despite the ticking clock of the plot, Clooney has reigned the pace right in, allowing the story to unspool slowly as we’re introduced to the players who calmly unpack their troubles and work over the various individual crises with calm professionalism – that said, there are a few notable moments of sudden, fretful urgency, and these are executed with a palpable sense of chaotic tension that create interesting and exciting punctuation to the film’s usually stately momentum, reminding us that things could go suddenly, catastrophically wrong for these people at any moment.  Clooney delivers a gloriously understated performance that perfectly grounds the film, while there are equally strong, frequently DAMN POWERFUL turns from a uniformly excellent cast, notably Felicity Jones and David Oyelowo as pregnant astronaut Dr. “Sully” Sullivan and her partner, mission Commander Adewole, and a surprisingly subtle, nuanced performance from newcomer Caoilinn Springall as Iris, a young girl mistakenly left behind at the outpost during the hasty evacuation, with whom Lofthouse develops a deeply affecting bond.  The film has been criticised for its slowness, but I think in this age of BIGGER, LOUDER, MORE this is a refreshingly low-key escape from all the noise, and there’s a beautiful trade-off in the script’s palpable intelligence, strong character work and world-building (then again, the adaptation was by Mark L. Smith, who co-wrote The Revenant), while this is a visually stunning film, Clooney and cinematographer Martin Ruhe (Control, The Keeping Room) weaving an evocative visual tapestry that rewards the soul as much as the eye.  Unapologetically smart, engrossingly played and overflowing with raw, emotional power, this is science fiction cinema at its most cerebral, and another top mark for a somewhat overlooked filmmaking talent which deserves to be considered alongside career highs such as Good Night & Good Luck and The Ides of March.

27.  PALM SPRINGS – the summer’s comedy highlight kind of snuck in under the radar, becoming something of an on-demand secret weapon with all the cinemas closed, and it definitely deserves its swiftly growing cult status.  You certainly can’t believe it’s the feature debut of director Max Barbakow, who shows the kind of sharp-witted, steady-handed control of his craft that’s usually the province of far more experienced talents … then again, much of the credit must surely go to seasoned TV comedy writer Andy Siara (Lodge 49), for whom this has been a real labour of love he’s been tending since his film student days.  Certainly all that care, nurture and attention to detail is up there on the screen, the exceptional script singing its irresistible siren song from the start and providing fertile ground for its promising new director to spread his own creative wings.  The premise may be instantly familiar – playing like a latter-day Saturday Night Live take on Groundhog Day (Siara admits it was a major influence), it follows the misadventures of Sarah (How I Met Your Mother’s Cristin Miliota), the black sheep maid of honour at her sweet little sister Tala’s (Riverdale’s Camila Mendes) wedding to seemingly perfect hunk Abe (the Arrowverse’s Superman, Tyler Hoechlin), as she finds herself repeating the same high-stress day over and over again after becoming trapped in a mysterious cosmic time-loop along with slacker misanthrope Nyles (Brooklyn Nine Nine megastar Andy Samberg), who’s been stuck in this same situation for MUCH longer – but in Barbakow and Siara’s hands it feels fresh and intriguing, and goes in some surprising new directions before the well-worn central premise can outstay its welcome. It certainly doesn’t hurt that the cast are all excellent – Miliota is certainly the pounding emotional heart of the film, effortlessly lovable as she flounders against her lot, then learns to accept the unique possibilities it presents, before finally resolving to find a way out, while Samberg has rarely been THIS GOOD, truly endearing in his sardonic apathy as it becomes clear he’s been here for CENTURIES, and they make an enjoyably fiery couple with snipey chemistry to burn; meanwhile there’s top-notch support from Mendes and Hoechlin, The OC’s Peter Gallagher as Sarah and Tala’s straight-laced father, the ever-reliable Dale Dickey, a thoroughly adorable turn from Jena Freidman and, most notably, a full-blooded scene-stealing performance from the mighty J.K. Simmonds as Roy, Nyles’ nemesis, who he inadvertently trapped in the loop before Sarah and is, understandably, none too happy about it. This really is an absolute laugh-riot, today’s more post-modern sense of humour allowing the central pair (and their occasional enemy) to indulge in far more extreme consequence-free craziness than Bill Murray ever got away with back in the day, but like all the best comedies there’s also a strong emotional foundation under the humour, leading us to really care about these people and what happens to them, while the story throws moments of true heartfelt power at us, particularly in the deeply cathartic climax.  Ultimately this was one of the year’s biggest surprises, a solid gold gem that I can’t recommend enough.

26.  THE LAST DAYS OF AMERICAN CRIME – Body Cam’s fellow heavyweight Zeitgeist fondler is a deeply satirical chunk of speculative dystopian sci-fi clearly intended as a cinematic indictment of Trump’s broken America, but it became far more potent and prescient in these … ahem … troubled times.  Adapted by screenwriter Karl Gadjusek (Oblivion, Stranger Things, The King’s Man) from the graphic novel by Rick Remender and Greg Tocchini for underrated schlock-action cinema director Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3, Colombiana, the last two Taken films), this Netflix original feature seemed like a fun way to kill a cinema-deprived Saturday night in the middle of the First Lockdown, but ultimately proved to have a lot more substance than expected.  It’s powered by an intriguing premise – in a nearly lawless 2024, the US government is one week away from implementing a nationwide synaptic blocker signal called the API (American Peace Initiative) which will prevent the public from being able to commit any kind of crime – and focuses on a strikingly colourful bunch of outlaw antiheroes with an audacious agenda – prodigious Detroit bank robber Bricke (Édgar Ramiréz) is enlisted by Kevin Cash (Funny Games and Hannibal’s Michael Carmen Pitt), a wayward scion of local crime family the Dumois, and his hacker fiancée Shelby Dupree (Material Girl’s Anna Brewster) to pull off what’s destined to be the last great crime in American history, a daring raid on the first night of the signal to steal over a billion dollars from the Motor City’s “money factory” and then escape across the border into Canada.  From this deceptively simple premise a sprawling action epic was born, carried along by a razor sharp, twisty script and Megaton’s typically hyperbolic, showy auteur directing style and significant skill at crafting thrillingly explosive set-pieces, while the cast consistently deliver quality performances.  Ever since Domino, Ramiréz has long been one of those actors I really love to watch, a gruff, quietly intense alpha male whose subtle understatement hides deep reserves of emotional intensity, while Dupree takes a character who could have been a thinly-drawn femme fetale and invests her with strong personal drive and steely resolve, and there’s strong support from Neil Blomkampf regulars Sharlto Copley and Brandon Auret as, respectively, emasculated beat cop Sawyer and brutal Mob enforcer Lonnie French, as well as a nearly unrecognisable Patrick Bergin as local kingpin (and Kevin’s father) Rossi Dumois; the film is roundly stolen, however, by Pitt, a phenomenal actor I’ve always thought we just don’t see enough of, here portraying a spectacularly sleazy, unpredictable force of nature who clearly has his own dark agenda, but whom we ultimately can’t help rooting for even as he stabs us in the back.  This is a cracking film, a dark and dangerous thriller of rare style and compulsive verve that I happily consider to be Megaton’s best film to date BY FAR – needless to say it was a major hit for Netflix when it dropped, clearly resonating with its audience given what’s STILL going on in the real world, and while it may have been roundly panned in reviews I think, like some of the platform’s other glossier Original hits (Bright springs to mind), it’s destined for a major critical reappraisal and inevitable cult status before too long …

25.  BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC – one of the year’s biggest surprise hits for me was also one I was really nervous about – the original Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and its just-as-good sequel Bogus Journey have been personal favourites for years, pretty much part of my geeky developmental DNA during my youth, two gleefully dorky indulgences that have, against the odds, aged like fine wine for me over the years.  I love Bill and Ted SO MUCH, so like many of the fans I’ve always wanted a third film, but I knew full well how easy it would have been for it to turn out to be a turd (second sequels can be tricky things, and we’ve seen SO MANY fail over the years).  God bless Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves for never giving up on the possibilities, then, and for the original screenwriters, Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, for writing something that does true justice and pays proper respect to what came before while fully realising how much times have changed in the TWENTY-NINE YEARS that have passed since Wyld Stallyns last graced our screens.  Certainly times have moved on for our irrepressible pair – in spite of their convictions, driven by news from the distant future that their music would unite the world and usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, Bill and Ted have spectacularly failed to achieve what was expected of them, and they’ve grown despondent even though they’re still happily married to the Princesses and now the fathers of two wonderful girls, Billie and Thea (Atypical’s Brigette Lundy-Paine and Ready Or Not’s Samara weaving).  Then an emissary from the future arrives to inform them that if they don’t write the song that unites the world TODAY, the whole of reality will cease to exist.  No pressure, then … it may have been almost three decades, but our boys are BACK in a riotous comedy adventure that delivers on all the promises the franchise ever made before.  Winter and particularly Reeves may have both gone onto other things since, but they step back into their roles with such ease it’s like Bill and Ted have never been away, perfectly realising not only their characters today but also various future incarnations as they resolve to go forward in time to take the song from themselves AFTER they’ve already written it (a most triumphant and fool-proof plan, surely); Lundy-Paine and Weaving, meanwhile, are both absolutely FANTASTIC throughout, creating a pair of wonderfully oddball, eccentric and thoroughly adorable characters who would be PERFECT to carry the franchise forward in the future, while it’s an absolute joy to see William Sadler return as Bogus Journey’s fantastically neurotic incarnation of Death himself, and there are quality supporting turns from Flight of the Conchords’ Kristen Schaal, Anthony Carrigan, Holland Taylor and of course Hal Landon Jr., once again returning as Ted’s grouchy cop father Captain Logan.  The plot is thoroughly bonkers and of course makes no logical sense, but then they’re never meant to in these movies – the whole point is just to have fun and GO WITH IT, and it’s unbelievably easy when the comedy hit rate is THIS HIGH – turns out third time really is the charm for Matheson and Solomon, who genuinely managed a hat trick with the whole trilogy, while there was no better choice of director to usher this into existence than Dean Parisot, the man who brought us Galaxy Quest.  This is the perfect climax to a trilogy we’ve been waiting YEARS to see finally completed, but it’s also shown a perfect way to forge ahead in new and interesting ways with the next generation – altogether, then, this is another most excellent adventure …

24.  TRUE HISTORY OF THE KELLY GANG – Justin Kurzel has been on my directors-to-watch list for a while now, each of his offerings impressing me more than the last (his home-grown Aussie debut, Snowtown, was a low key wallow in Outback nastiness, while his follow up, Macbeth, quickly became one of my favourite Shakespeare flicks, and I seem to be one of the frustrated few who actually genuinely loved his adaptation of Assassin’s Creed, considering it to be one the very best video game movies out there), and his latest is no exception – returning to his native Australia, he’s brought his trademark punky grit and fever-dream edginess to bear in his quest to bring his country’s most famous outlaw to the big screen in a biopic truly worthy of his name. Two actors bring infamous 19th Century bushranger Ned Kelly to life here, and they’re both exceptional – the first half of the film sees newcomer Orlando Schwerdt explode onto the screen as the child Ned, all righteous indignation and fiery stubbornness as he rails against the positions his family’s poverty continually put him in, then George MacKay (Sunshine On Leith, Captain Fantastic) delivers the best performance of his career in the second half, a barely restrained beast as Ned grown, his mercurial turn bringing the man’s inherent unpredictability to the fore.  The Babadook’s Essie Davis, meanwhile, frequently steals the film from both of them as Ellen, the fearsome matriarch of the Kelly clan, and Nicholas Hoult is similarly impressive as Constable Fitzpatrick, Ned’s slimily duplicitous friend/nemesis, while there are quality supporting turns from Charlie Hunnam and Russell Crowe as two of the most important men of Ned’s formative years. In Kurzel’s hands, this account of Australia’s greatest true-life crime saga becomes one of the ultimate marmite movies – its glacial pace, grubby intensity and frequent brutality will turn some viewers off, but fans of more “alternative” cinema will find much to enjoy here.  There’s a blasted beauty to its imagery (this is BY FAR the bleakest the Outback’s ever looked on film), while the screenplay from relative unknown Shaun Grant (adapting Peter Carey’s bestselling novel) is STRONG, delivering rich character development and sublime dialogue, and Kurzel delivers some brilliantly offbeat and inventive action beats in the latter half that are well worth the wait.  Evocative, intense and undeniable, this has just the kind of irreverent punk aesthetic that I’m sure the real life Ned Kelly would have approved of …

23.  MUST MERCY – more true-life cinema, this time presenting an altogether classier account of two idealists’ struggle to overturn horrific racial injustices in Alabama. Writer-director Destin Daniel Cretton (Short Term 12, The Glass Castle) brings heart, passion and honest nobility to the story of fresh-faced young lawyer Bryan Stevenson (Michael B. Jordan) and his personal crusade to free Walter “Johnny D” McMillan (Jamie Foxx), an African-American man wrongfully sentenced to death for the murder of a white woman.  His only ally is altruistic young paralegal Eva Ansley (Cretton’s regular screen muse Brie Larson), while the opposition arrayed against them is MAMMOTH – not only do they face the cruelly racist might of the Alabama legal system circa 1989, but a corrupt local police force determined to circumvent his efforts at every turn and a thoroughly disinterested prosecutor, Tommy Chapman (Rafe Spall), who’s far too concerned with his own personal political ambitions to be any help.  The cast are uniformly excellent, Jordan and Foxx particularly impressing with career best performances that sear themselves deep into the memory, while there’s a truly harrowing supporting turn from Rob Morgan as Johnny D’s fellow Death Row inmate Herbert, whose own execution date is fast approaching.  This is courtroom drama at its most gripping, Cretton keeping the inherent tension cranked up tight while tugging hard on our heartstrings for maximum effect, and the result is a timely, racially-charged throat-lumper of considerable power and emotional heft that guarantees there won’t be a single dry eye in the house by the time the credits roll.  Further proof, then, that Destin Daniel Cretton is one of those rare talents of his generation – next up is his tour of duty in the MCU with Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings, and while this seems like a strange leftfield turn given his previous track record, I nevertheless have the utmost confidence in him after seeing this …

22.  UNDERWATER – at first glance, this probably seems like a strange choice for the year’s Top 30 – a much-maligned, commercially underperforming glorified B-movie creature-feature headlined by the former star of the Twilight franchise, there’s no way that could POSSIBLY be any good, surely? Well hold your horses, folks, because not only is this very much worth your time and a comprehensive suspension of your low expectations, but I can’t even consider this a guilty pleasure – as far as I’m concerned this is a GENUINELY GREAT FILM, without reservation. The man behind the camera is William Eubank, a director whose career I’ve been following with great interest since his feature debut Love (a decidedly odd but strangely beautiful little space movie) and its more high profile but still unapologetically INDIE follow-up The Signal, and this is the one where he finally delivers wholeheartedly on all that wonderful sci-fi potential.  The plot is deceptively simple – an industrial conglomerate has established an instillation drilling right down to the very bottom of the Marianas Trench, the deepest point in our Earth’s oceans, only for an unknown disaster to leave six survivors from the operation’s permanent crew stranded miles below the surface with very few escape options left – but Eubank and writers Brian Duffield (Spontaneous, Love & Monsters, Jane Got a Gun, Insurgent) and Adam Cozad (The Legend of Tarzan) wring all the possible suspense and fraught, claustrophobic terror out of the premise to deliver a piano wire-tense horror thriller that grips from its sudden start to a wonderfully cathartic climax.  The small but potent cast are all on top form, Vincent Cassel, Jessica Henwick (Netflix’ Iron Fist) and John Gallagher Jr. (Hush, 10 Cloverfield Lane) particularly impressing, and even the decidedly hit-and-miss T.J. Miller delivers a surprisingly likeable turn here, but it’s that Twilight alumnus who REALLY sticks in your memory here – Kristen Stewart’s been doing a pretty good job lately distancing herself from the role that, unfortunately, both made her name and turned her into an object of (very unfair) derision for many years, but in my opinion THIS is the performance that REALLY separates her from Bella effing-Swan.  Mechanical engineer Norah Price is tough, ingenious and fiercely determined, but with the right amount of vulnerability that we really root for her, and Stewart acts her little heart out in a turn sure to win over her strongest detractors.  The creature effects are impressive too, the ultimate threat proving some of the nastiest, most repulsively icky creations I’ve seen committed to film, and the inspired design work and strong visual effects easily belie the film’s B-movie leanings.  Those made uneasy by deep, dark open water or tight, enclosed spaces should take heed that this can be a tough watch, but anyone who likes being scared should find plenty to enjoy here.  Altogether a MUCH better film than its mediocre Rotten Tomatoes rating makes it out to be …

21.  PENINSULA – back in 2016, Korean director Yeon Sang-ho and writer Park Joo-suk took the tired old zombie outbreak trope and created something surprisingly fresh with their darkly satirical action horror Train to Busan.  The film was, deservedly, a massive international smash hit and a major shot in the arm for the sub-genre on the big screen, so a sequel was inevitable, but when the time came for them to follow it up they did the smart thing and went in a very different direction.  Jettisoning much of the humour to create something much darker and more intense, they also ramped the action quotient right up to eleven, creating a nightmarish post-apocalyptic version of Korea which has been quarantined from the rest of the world for the last four years, where the few uninfected survivors eke out a dangerous day-to-day existence amidst the burgeoning undead hordes, and the value of human life has plummeted dramatically.  Into this hell-on-earth must venture a small band of Korean refugees, sent by a Hong Kong crime boss to retrieve a multi-million dollar payday in stolen loot that got left behind in the evacuation, led by former ROK Marine Corps Captain Jung-seok (Secret Reunion’s Gang Don-won), a man with a tragic past he has to make up for.  Needless to say, nothing goes according to plan … Train to Busan was an unexpected masterpiece of the genre, but I was even more bowled over by this, particularly since I got to see this on the big screen on Halloween night itself, just before the UK cinemas closed down again for the Second Lockdown. This certainly is a film that NEEDS to be seen first on the big screen – the fully-realised hellscape of undead-overrun Seoul is spectacularly immersive, the perfect cinematic playground for the film’s most impressive set-pieces, two astounding, protracted high-speed chases with searchlight-and-flair-lit all-terrain vehicles racing through the dark streets pursued by tidal waves of feral zombies. Sure, the plot is predictable and the tone gets a little overblown and maudlin at times, while some of the characters are drawn in decidedly broad strokes, but the breathless pace rarely lets up throughout, and there are moments of genuine fiendish genius on offer here, particularly in a truly disturbing centrepiece sequence in which desperate human captives are set against slavering undead in a makeshift amphitheatre for sport, as well as a particularly ingenious use for radio-controlled cars.  And the cast are brilliant, with Don-won providing a suitably robust but also pleasingly fallible, wounded hero, while Hope’s Lee Re and newcomer Lee Ye-won are irrepressibly feisty and thoroughly adorable as the young girls who rescue him from certain death among the ruins.  Altogether, this is horror cinema writ large, played more for thrills than scares but knuckle-whitening and brutally effective nonetheless, and in a year where outbreak horror became all too real for us anyway it was nice to be able to enjoy something a little more escapist anyway – given the strength of its competition in 2020, this top-notch sequel to a true genre gem did very well indeed to place this high.  I’ll admit, I wouldn’t say no to thirds …

[some-lists]

More Shows that Should Be Added to Disney Plus

I after I completed my last list, which consisted mainly Disney Channel shows, a few more shows popped into my head. I also remembered that Disney now owns Fox as well as ABC, so even more great shows popped into my head.

Some of these might not be on Disney Plus because of certain rights issues. I don’t know anything about those types of matters. I just think these are great shows that would make Disney Plus even better.

(Thankfully, some of these shows can be found on YouTube, thanks to some awesome people with VCRs. Of course, having them stream on Disney Plus with good quality would be even better!)

10. PB&J Otter

PB&J Otter was a cartoon about three otter siblings named Peanut, Butter, and Jelly. They lived a cute little fishing town inhabited by other cute little animals. It was created by the same makers of Doug and Allegra’s Window (anybody remember that one?). This show ran on Disney Playhouse and Disney Junior for quite some time. I think it’s only natural to include it on Disney Plus as well.

9. Braceface

Braceface initially aired on Fox Family, which later became ABC Family, and then aired on the Disney Channel. It’s about a teen girl whose braces somehow have an electric charge and constantly interfere with her life. It was executive produced and voiced by Alicia Silverstone. Other voice talents included Michael Cera and Kathy Griffin.

8. Second Noah

Second Noah was a great family drama about a married couple who took in stray animals and orphan children. Imagine if The Fosters lived in a zoo. The cast included a young James Marsden as the oldest adopted son. He sings in every single episode. That alone is worth the watch. Even though this was a great show, I doubt we’ll ever see it again. It was filmed at Busch Gardens in Florida before The Animal Kingdom had opened. Disney probably doesn’t want to promote its competition on its own streaming service. But one can dream... of James Marsden’s perfect singing voice.

7. The Koala Brothers

I am a grown adult but I will watch The Koala Brothers any day of the week. This claymation series takes place in the Australian outback, where two koala brothers fly their airplane to assist anyone in need of help. It features an adorable little community made up of a turtle postman, a storekeeper echidna, an ice cream truck driving emu, a forgetful cafe owner platypus, and more lovable creatures. It’s just a really adorable show that even adults can enjoy.

6. Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love originally aired on The WB and its reruns was aired on The Disney Channel for several years. Just like two other popular shows, Smart Guy (which is currently on Disney Plus) and Sister Sister. It featured Joey Lawrence has the oldest and estranged brother, who returns to help his two younger brothers (Matthew, Andy) and their auto mechanic business survive. The three brothers were played by real brothers in real life. It was a wholesome family show, with a cute Lawrence brother for every age group to crush on.

5. Higher Ground

This show. This show was amazing. It aired on the Fox Family channel for one year, then disappeared forever. But man, it was so good. It was set at a boarding school for at-risk teens in the mountains — like camping but with actual licensed counselors. It focused on a couple of counselors and their troubled teen students. It dealt with some very real issues, like sexual abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, narcissistic/emotional abuse, neglect, self-harm, eating disorders, homelessness, gang violence, and prostitution. It never used these issues for shock value or preachy, saccharine plot lines. It never judged the teens for their hard lives, but portrayed them honestly. Anyone who’s lived through a difficult childhood will find themselves relating to these teenagers. The cast included a pre-Anakin Hayden Christensen (he’s seriously really good in this!), a pre-Criminal Minds AJ Cook, and a pre-Once Upon a Time Meghan Ory. It might be a little heavy for Disney Plus, so a disclaimer would be needed, just like when it originally aired on Fox Family.

4. Young Hercules

Following the success of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess, Young Hercules was developed for a younger audience. Much of the crew went on to work on The Lord of the Rings trilogy either during or shortly after this series. It debuted on Fox Kids in the late 90’s and starred a teenage Ryan Gosling as young Hercules. It was super cheesy, which makes it even better. Who doesn’t want to watch a spray tanned, bleached blond, eyelined Ryan Gosling slay imaginary beasts?

3. Bear in the Big Blue House

Bear in the Big Blue House was a really great show for preschoolers. It ranks up there with Sesame Street and Blue’s Clues. It featured a big bear welcoming you into his big blue house. There you sing and play with his puppet friends and roommates. At the end of each episode, there’s a lovely goodbye song with the moon (yes, the moon sings). It’s a wonderful, entertaining show for little ones. Parents won’t mind watching it for the millionth time either. If Disney Plus is including Out of the Box, they should definitely include this one too.

2. Movie Surfers

Movie Surfers is basically a behind-the-scenes preview of soon to be released Disney movies. It includes footage of the making process, cast interviews, and occasionally performances from the soundtrack. The original cast included Christina Milian, who then went by Tina. It’s still going on today as minis during commercial breaks. Some very classic movies have been featured, including Mulan, The Princess Diaries, and Finding Nemo. More recent films have also been featured, such as as the live action Beauty and the Beast, The Muppets, and Moana. This would be a great addition to Disney Plus as it would get viewers interested in other movies available on the streaming service.

1. Disney Channel in Concert

This Disney Channel Special series started in 1997 and ran until 2001. It featured a live concert, behind the scenes footage, and interviews with the musical guest and family members. After their 1998 performance, *NSYNC’s debut album immediately skyrocketed to No. 1 on the Billboard charts. After their tremendous success, many other young acts were quick to follow, including Britney Spears, LeeAnn Rimes, Jessica Simpson, 98 Degrees, and the Backstreet Boys.

[snowdice]

Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 8)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Deceit, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy

Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”

Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned (more to be added)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 My Master Post

“What the fuck do you mean Virgil is missing?” Remy asked.

“That’s the second thing Logan said to me!” Emile said. “When he heard you died, he sent an agent over to check on Virgil, but there’d been signs of a break in and Virgil was gone. They don’t think he actually got kidnapped though because the car of whoever broke in was still there.”

“Well, then where the hell is my kid?!!” Remy yelled.

Emile flinched at his suddenly loud voice. “Leaping lizards Remy, I don’t know. I thought you did since you’re not actually dead.”

“Well I don’t!”

“Yeah, I’m getting that, calm down for a second.”

“Okay, right now is not a good time to tell me to calm down,” Remy said. “My kid is missing.”

“I know Remy,” Emile said in his professionally soothing voice, “but we have to think in order to do something about that.” Oh, he was thinking. He was thinking really hard right about now. He was thinking about how the person who sent someone to kidnap his son was the woman who’d just tried to have him fucking executed. God, Remy hadn’t even wanted her around his fucking kid when she’d just been a bitch and not an enemy agent out for his blood.

“We should call Logan back,” Emile suggested. “He might have more information.”

“No,” Remy said. “It’s still too risky.”

“Remy.”

“I said no, Emile,” Remy snapped. “What if she has him and intercepts the phone call. She doesn’t have any reason to hurt him right now,” other than the fact that he had quite the mouth on him and would probably piss her off by being a little shit especially if she wouldn’t tell him where Remy was, “but if she knows I’m alive she might.”

“Would she really…?”

“The woman just tried to shoot me with poisoned bullets. I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Poison bull-? It’s not important,” Emile said. “If we’re not going to get information from Logan then how are we supposed to even start with finding Virgil?”

“Easy,” Remy said. “The tracker I put on him.”

“I’m sorry you put what on Virgil?” Emile asked.

“A tracker,” Remy said. “It’s in that bracelet he always wears. I don’t really want to go back to the house, but I think I left one of the devices to find him in here in case of emergencies.” He started digging through Emile’s glove box.

“Jiminy Crickets, you can’t just put a tracker on your teenage son Remy!”

“Why not?” Remy asked, still digging through the papers. Did Emile ever get rid of old insurance cards and also how many drive-through napkins did he need to keep?

“It’s an invasion of privacy,” Emile sputtered.

Remy waved him off. “Oh, please. I’m a secret agent, a (usually) off duty one, but still a secret agent. Sometimes I need to know where my kid’s at. Like now. Besides, I told him what it was when I gave it to him, and it lights up when activated. He can just chuck it out a window if he doesn’t want me knowing where he is.”

“Oh, well that’s okay then,” Emile said.

Remy hummed as his hand closed around the phone sized device hidden at the back of the glove box. “Ah, here it is.”

“When exactly did you put that in here.”

“Like two years ago,” Remy said. “Clean your car every once in a while.”

“Remington, I have seen your garage.”

“Maybe, but I never claim to be responsible.”

The thing was out of charge, so he plugged it into the car, and it booted up pretty quickly. Emile leaned over to look at the map that popped up. Remy pushed a couple of buttons to activate the tracker.

A red dot appeared on the map and Remy blinked at it. “Where the fuck?” he asked. He pushed another button and the device beeped, finding Remy’s current location on the map and putting a green dot there. The map had to zoom out quite a bit to fit both dots on the screen. A number appeared at the top of the map. “Shit.”

“Please tell me that’s feet,” Emile groaned.

“How the hell did he manage to get 50 miles away? I’ve been ‘dead’ for less than an hour and a half!”

“Did one of Barbara’s people get to him?”

“I’m not… he’s moving in the wrong direction if that’s the case,” Remy said. “Her house is in town and the secret base I know of is north of here. He’s going south east on the interstate.” He squinted at the map.

“Well then where is he going and how is he going there?” Emile asked.

“I’m not sure, but you need to start driving.” Emile hesitated for a moment. “Now.”

He nodded and put the car in reverse before pulling out of the parking lot and turning toward the interstate.

“Hey, Emile,” Remy said pleasantly after about 2 minutes. “Remember how mother said to not speed unless it was absolutely necessary?” Emile glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “It’s absolutely necessary today.”

Emile gave him a slightly disapproving frown, but the car did speed up.

“So, what about poisoned bullets?” Emile asked.

“I’ve had a long day,” Remy said.

“Nope, no, you’re not getting away with that,” Emile said.

“We’re busy,” Remy tried.

“Assuming he continues to move in the same direction, we have over an hour car ride in front of us. So, talk.”

“You and talking,” Remy mumbled. “Why couldn’t you just be a secretive, suppressed secret agent like everyone else in our family.”

Emile shot him a glare.

“Emmmmmmmyyyyyyy,” Remy whined.

“Remington.”

“Okay… so it may have, sort of been, my idea.”

“Remy.”

“See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Please, tell me this is not why you wanted me to watch Virgil tonight,” Emile said.

Oh, yeah… Remy winced.

“Remy, you have to at least tell me if you’re getting me and Virgil involved in this sort of thing. Or better yet, not do that. What was I supposed to do if someone had come to the door to kidnap Virgil? Which they did, by the way!”

Remy shifted in his seat. “To be fair, the plan didn’t exactly go how I expected it to. You were just a precaution in case it took too long. I didn’t expect to ‘die.’ Or at least if she was going to try to kill me I though she’d hesitate more than 0 seconds.”

Emile spared him a glare as he merged onto the interstate.

“Okay, fine, so maybe I should have,” Remy admitted, “but she was up to no good! And I know I’m supposed to still be on desk duty, but I’d heard through the grapevine about her plans and, I mean, I was in the neighborhood. How was I supposed to know she’d see right through my lie about asking for money to buy Virgil a car?”

“Maybe because you’ve never asked the woman for anything, ever, especially in relation to Virgil and Virgil hasn’t even taken drivers ed because he’s still too scared to try to drive after the golf cart incident.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever babe,” Remy brushed him off. “Anyway, we were talking, and I think she maybe got a little pissy that I wasn’t drinking the wine she gave me. It was probably poisoned now that I’m thinkin’ about it. Anyway, she must have finally gotten tired of me and pushed a button. Suddenly a bunch of guards were storming the room and, man, they were definitely the shoot first, ask question types ‘cause they immediately started shooting at me. Luckily I was wearing the light weight bullet proof vest Logan’d gotten me and I dove under her desk and, let me tell you, for how organized she is about her criminal empire and how clean the rest of the house is, she doesn’t clean much under her desk. I think it’s probably ‘cause she doesn’t let any of the maids in there to clean. Honestly, that might be where Janus gets the whole leaving snack wrappers and tissues all over the house. Because gee her desk. And-”

“Remy.”

“Right, so, there I was under her absolutely filthy desk and I look up and she’s standing there staring at me and she just takes out a gun and bang shoots at my head. Luckily it missed, but it ricocheted off her desk and ended up in my calf.”

“You were shot in the calf!”

“It’s not a big deal, I’m fine,” Remy said. “Anyway, those were the poisoned bullets.”

“You got shot with a poisoned bullet?!”

“Yeah, so, luckily it was a poison I got doused with once in Italy in my 20s and if you manage to survive it once, you’re good forever or whatevs, but like, I knew she thought it would kill me so I played dead. So, then after that, she called in Gilbert, you know Gilbert, the butler with the little trapezoid shaped beard? Yeah, so Gilbert comes in and she’s like, “get rid of his body” and he’s like “cool beans” or something to that extent. Anyway, he drags me out’a there, but the thing is Gilbert’s cool or maybe not cool because he’d totally bury my body without flinching, but he’s cool enough not to kill me himself or even run and tattle. So, I go, ‘yeah, not dead,’ and he’s like ‘Kay, but don’t tell her I knew that,’ and I’m like ‘jolly good, mate.’ Then I run off to her office (the secret one, not the one her and the armed guards are in) and steal the flashdrive. I go to get in my car, but she already ordered it to get blown up! I mean, rude, bitch! At least give my body time to cool. So, I end up hiding in the back of the catering company van that had come to get the kitchen ready for the gala she’s throwing later tonight which, I mean really, you’re serving shrimp and salmon, what type of monster are you? You do seafood and steak, not seafood and seafood. Ugh. Why did I ever have sex with her again? Anyway, I ride in the van to town and then bolt out of there before they can see me. Then, I get on a bus because I have a bus token in my wallet, but the bus driver is a bit chatty and this is a covert mission so I tell him my name is Gilbert, since Gilbert the butler was on my mind and that I am visiting my new granddaughter in the states but I’m actually from Quebec and I spoke French to prove it. I was going to get off near the one clothes shop on third, but then we drove by your office and I saw your car so I got off at the corner and picked your lock to get in your car and waited for you to come out because I thought that’d be quicker.”

“You’re doing the thing,” Emile said.

“What thing?” Remy asked flippantly.

“The thing where you use misdirection and slang to attempt to distract people from serious issues.”

Remy slunk down in his seat. “Ah, that thing.” Damn him and his stupid fancy psychology degrees.

“Is your leg okay?”

“Smarts like a bitch, but it was just a graze. I already bandaged it up and disinfected it.”

“Good,” Emile said. “Would you prefer if I yelled at you in chronological or alphabetical order.”

“I’d like to see you try out alphabetical.”

“Well,” Emile started. “First of all…”

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 9

[lady-plantagenet]

♦ for all three sons of York! 😄

Asked via the Headcanon Meme: https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/634584063141920769/headcanon-meme.

Darling I apologise for the delay 😭😂, hope you enjoy this semi-historical train of thought. You indulge me xx ☺️☺️ (rest of you get ready for a similar level of uncalled for ridiculous levels of detail)

♦ - Quirks/Hobbies Headcanons

~Edward IV~

Ok, one more grounded in reality and some more Headcanonish:

So, in Lord Edward Lytton-Bulwer’s ‘Last of the Barons’ I uncovered a fascinating (and primary-sourced) fact about our Edward: He engaged in international trades of his own. Apparently, he had his own ships and vessels that would jettison wool to and fro Burgundy. The trading classes, with whom Edward was always on great terms, were initially thrilled and felt a bit of sense of connection because of this. However, it became a bit of a bother when his self-given exemption from custom and duties gave him an unfair competitive advantage. Since reading that, I’ve always seen Edward as someone whose hobbies revolve around these types of matters rather than military ones. I really headcanon trading as a genuine hobby of his. With that, I would also connect other practical as opposed to artistic or conventional pastimes. I always saw Elizabeth Woodville as the big account manager (based on how she ran her crown property), so I headcanon Edward as liking to meddle in the external more merchantile matters, which translates to enjoying himself by making wagers/bets with those around him and always winning whether it be on personal matters or businesses (sometimes even in appropriately on women of the court). Not to mention a talent at games like cards and dice. If he lived today he would be the grand master of monopoly 😂. He wasn’t the most intellectual of men (he was at one point planning on defunding Eton College to get funds), but I always headcanoned he was pretty strong at maths (which was part of a nobleman’s education, but at that time it was mastery of the arts that granted you the reputation of a smartman). Of course, this fits in with his historical interest in alchemy, which I headcanon he was also partly interested in because of the potential of it yielding gold, but upon his marriage, the mystical side beckoned him too.

~ George Duke of Clarence~

I’ve done one for him here, which you can check out. But hell, do I have a lot of headcanons about him so I’ll do another here.

Our George was by all accounts a talented demagogue. His performance in the inheritance dispute indeed adds stock to what chronicles such as Rous Rolls and Crowland have said about his oratory and reasoning talents (which allegedly were rival to Edward’s own). Though some personality quirks could make him appear like a bit of a (popular Headcanon nowadays) himbo: penchant for airing out his grievances, flamboyancy and a great pride which combined with a famous sense of humour leads to instances where it verges into innappropriate levels of macabre (his own death being the prime example).

N.b: and yes I do in fact believe he was drowned in a barrel of wine and by his choosing. I don’t need Shakespeare to tell me this, I need only look at the strong evidence proposing this: a) Margaret Pole’s barrel charm, b) The fact that his head was reported as attached to his body when his body was exhumed centuries later. Drowning in a bath is another possibility, but then again, it was famously a womanly execution and I doubt a man as self-important as George would have been alright with the association, c) The fact that contemporaries such as Mancini (among others) have stated that this is the manner in which he died. Shakespeare’s play just further reflects that at that time (as in closer to 1478 then we are now) this was the consensus. Not to mention that in Richard III he wasnt technically drowned but stabbed and then thrown in a barrel. Arguments against center around ‘this seems just a bit too crazy’ but stop there.

So where was I? Oh yes. So in spite of that, I headcanon teenage George as very resentful of those who thought him bumbling, giddy and unserious (young Richard especially), because well, he was very touchy about his pride and saw himself as a prince worthy of deference and gravity (multitude of evidence for this). His charming nature never left him even as he grew bitter but instead he learned to harness it into a mask in order to induce others into error and subestimation. Indeed, much of his earlier successes hinged on the fact that Edward didn’t expect that level of planning (and betrayal) from him. Nevertheless, he never hid his talents completely, he had a very astute legal mind and I headcanon him as having a hobby for the law since he was a young boy and realised how useful this knowledge would prove in time and loved it on an intellectual level as he engaged with debates on matters from trusts laws to constitutional canonical and jurisprudential matters, first with his tutors, then his brothers, then Warwick and then his chief supporters and friends at Warwick and Tutbury when he became a magnate post-1472. Of course, I feel like this fits in with the impression of an argumentative and opinionated man as exuded from the historical figure. I also headcanon him as being delighted to have had Caxton’s Games and Playes of Chess (1474) dedicated to him (becoming one of his patron around this time historically). It remains the second book printed in English (first being Anthony’s dictes and sayings of philosophers - I think) and I headcanon him as doing the head in of all those around him with discussions and debates around the book’s message XD.

~Richard III~

Richard gets a reputation in fiction (where other people get most of their headcanons from) as being extremely serious. I personally share this Headcanon and I feel it was the most striking difference between him and his brothers’ personalities. I think he had very little ‘quirks’ as it were. Though there was this author (haven’t read the book) Jonathan Hughes who somehow manages to write an entire book about Richard’s interesting divination. He draws onto some vaguely paganistic symbols among Richard III’s choice of clothing and such, and posits that he had some interest in pre-conquest Northern religious culture. Anne Neville who by all accounts seemed to have had some interest in mysticism (read and discussed Ghostly Grace by a German mystic with her mother-in-law at length) I headcanon bonded with Richard over conversing on these types of topics. Therefore, I headcanon him as having a (very very lowkey because, as I said, he took great care in presenting himself as conventional and unsuspicious) hobby for northern paganisms, myths, prophecies and the like. I think it would explain what appears to be the historical figures ‘apparent hypocritical personality: Only banning benevolences after first trying to acquire them, having Shore pay penance when he himself had fathered bastards (John probably during his first year of marriage if Kendall’s reasoning is right) and aspiring and holding others to strict chivalric values of which he often fell short. The signs of stress found in isotopic analysis on his bones however makes me think that he was aware of these contradictions. Of course, he could have been stressed around the time of his death for other obvious reasons, but I’m not getting into that here. I suppose my headcanon of him as very utilitarian (yes I know Bentham came centuries later but, you know, he didn’t exactly invent this manner of thought) in his beliefs classifies as a quirk? Haha. As for hobbies, I think his scoliosis made him eschew some of the more physically demanding types of sports, so I see him as fairly bookish and like his brother George, extremely interested in the law as a hobby (though nowadays we wrongly see it as a rather vocational discipline). Though he shared the interest in matters of jurisprudence with George (about which they both strongly disagreed Richard taking the less fiscally conservative stance), he was more interested in criminal law matters (which checks out as he had made reforms on the criminal law and bail). I think he was genuinely concerned with justice, just a bit self-contradictory in his approach and diverse in his spirituality (the last more headcanonish)