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tricktster · 5 years ago

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the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

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panlight · 4 years ago

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How do you think the story would have changed if it was a legitimate love triangle? If, for instance, after Edward left, Bella seriously entered a relationship with Jacob and viewed him/the wolves with the same wonder and love as she did the Cullens? If it cause a real sense of hurt and betrayal and shock when she made her final choice. The books are pushed as a love triangle but I never understood that because we as the audience know there is zero chance of her picking anyone but edward from day one. I always thought it was weird to even try that angle but of course SM needed to have her ending neatly tied in a bow with rutabaga holding everyone together.

Yeah it was pretty clear she was never going to choose Jacob if Edward were in the picture. If Edward stayed gone then maybe, but otherwise . . . SM wasn't subtle about this. It was Edward. it was always Edward. And when you learn that the original story was basically just Twilight + Forever Dawn (which is basically just Breaking Dawn with some edits) it's even more clear. Her original vision was E/B meet and fall in love and her next book was literally them getting married and having a baby. There was never any room for Jacob here.

From SM's Eclipse FAQ:

Bella falls in love with Jacob in New Moon. I think it’s easy to understand why this fact doesn’t occur to her. Bella has only fallen in love one time, and it was a very sudden, dramatic, sweep-you-off-your-feet, change-your-world, magical, passionate, all-consuming thing (see: Twilight). Can you blame her for not recognizing a much more subtle kind of falling-in-love? Does this love devaluate her love for Edward? Not for me. For me, it makes that perfect true love stronger. Bella has another option. She has a really good one. An option that’s easier in many ways, that takes nothing—like her family, present or future—away from her. She would have love, and friendship, and family—an enviable human future. But she chooses Edward over all of this. This makes it real for me.

So even here, Jacob is just a device. He's a way to say "look how much she loves Edward!" But Bella being so pro-vampire makes this line of thinking not totally work for me. She wasn't turned off or wary of the vampire stuff, it wasn't written like a downside, she was INTO it. EDWARD saw Bella becoming a vampire as this terrible sacrifice but she did seem to really see it that way, and in the end she didn't really lose anything except maybe Renee, whom SM wrote worse and worse as the series went on to make that loss seem unimportant. IS choosing Edward the 'easier' choice? She gets to be rich and immortal and strong and beautiful and has a built-in family. She never has to work or worry about him leaving her. She has to watch everyone she loves and care about die, but outside of Charlie, everyone she cares about at this point is basically immortal anyway. Choosing Jacob, on the other hand, means worrying about human things like money and Billy's health. It means worrying that he might imprint someday and leave her.

I get what SM was going for here, but the way she wrote Bella and what her priorities were, and then the way she wrote Breaking Dawn so that Bella didn't really have to give up anything at all in the end, it doesn't work for me personally.

How to make the love triangle work? I think Edward has to stay gone longer. If it's a year or two, maybe even three, then Bella grows up. She gives up on this impossible fairytale dream, thinking it was just a teenage fantasy, and realizes she loves Jacob even if it's a different way than she loved Edward. They start a relationship. She's . . . happy. She's moved on. A part of her will always mourn what-might-have-been with Edward, but she's starting to think about a new future, a different story, and it's starting to seem just as good, if not better. It certainly seems more real.

And then Alice has some vision (maybe Bella's future becomes so entwined with Jacob's that she just VANISHES and Alice panics) and Edward comes rushing into Forks only to find that Bella's okay. But she's with Jacob now. And he tells Bella he will do the noble thing and let her be happy and she realizes that he loved her all along, that he only left to "protect" her and now she's incredibly torn between these two different people, these two different futures. And that would feel more like a real love triangle to me.

[She probably still picks Edward, tbh, because SM prefers the fantasy love to the real world love. I always lowkey got the sense that Esme got the raw deal in her human life that she did because she didn't put her entire life on hold and just pine forever after Dr. Cullen. And Rosalie gets punished because she wanted to get married for the sake of getting married and didn't wait for a True Love, how dare she! But that could just be me.]

I think in this scenario that wolf pack would be, um, a lot less tolerant of and friendly to Bella if she were actually WITH Jacob and picked Edward, or waffled between them, though. I'd want the Cullens to maybe be divided on "fight for her, Edward!" or "let her go" but it's complicated by the !@&*#$ canon that vampires never fall out of love and he's going to be miserable for all eternity without her so it's not like they can be super objective here. Leaving her is probably the right thing to do for her, but letting Edward, this person they love, be miserable for all eternity? I mean more miserable than he already is?

#asks

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cosmosrival · 4 years ago

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👀 Does Kama like to peg Ash? 👀

u know what... ? u know what ?

KamAsh headcanons (AND NSFW HEADCANONS) time!!!!!! i don’t care anymore i had fun writing the kama*master ones

so have these !!!!! might also become a character analysis and trivia because i cannot stay consistent when im talking about them !!!!

reminder bfore i start: ITS FINAL ASCENSION KAMA. NOT THE OTHERS.

ok we’re good now

i think kama tops by default in every relationship they’re in, but their true strength resides in the fact that they are vers. and i believe that ash is ALSO vers. because flustered kama is a luxury and super cute and delicious and BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT LET YOUR GOD OF LOVE TOP YOU ???? ARE YOU SURE ??? YOU WOULDNT LET URSELF BE PAMPERED BY UR GOD ? ARE U REALLY SURE ?

ash is very cute because he’s gap moe, his respect for parvati shows that he’s not just a rage machine and can very much think normally like ur regular gold hearted delinquent anime boy !!!! god i Love him... anyway, i think he respects kama enough to look out for them and worship them like a proper God!! i believe that ash would call kama things like ‘your divinity’, ‘your grace’ (and if u have some jp knowledge, i think he’d add “-sama” to their name) because they... are god? (i think arjuna and karna also call them like this !! polite mahabharatan warriors are good boys)

since ash never married in the epic, i like to think that it’s because he was very much focused on his duty and ALSO because his participation in the war was out of loyalty towards king dhritarashtra and hastinapur so he was... perhaps planning on getting married once the war Ends ??? HE WAS OUT THERE FIGHTING !!!!!!! but we all know what happened to him (sheds a tear)

anyway i think he’d be a bit of a masochist. (the room falls silent and you all look at me)

SORRY THAT WAS VERY HARDCORE ALL OF A SUDDEN but hear me out, FIRST OF ALL this man was able to endure an immortality curse until lord krishna eventually decided to free him so he’d join the throne and SECOND OF ALL, in his interlude he speaks of looking for ways to repent because he regrets what he’s done. and since we’re kinky over here, i’m gonna throw gentle femdom in the mix bc i think it fits them and its cute. especially because kama is literally the best person he could apologize to. and the only person who’d make his repentance pleasurable (because its their mcfreakin talent !!!!!) even if it technically wasnt his fault, i think his need to atone would just... overpower that and he’ll want to do anything kama wants, just to earn a crumb of forgiveness (without being desperate about it because... HES GOT AN EGO STILL, COME ON)

i like to think that he’s tried to apologize properly before... in a tense moment when they’re both more calm and alone. but kama stopped him because it’d just make things worse. if kama loses the need to have a grudge, will they even be useful as a servant anymore ? would they forgive themself for being so lenient ? forgiving their murderer’s protégé when they havent even had proper revenge ? kamadeva might have been a benevolent god before, but now they’re a lot more malicious (mara...) and this pointless anger would just make them look like an idiot (because servant shiva doesnt exist (YET?)). and i think ashwatthama would understand.

so he won’t say the words “i’m sorry” because it’d just hurt them.

THO WILL HE STOP LOOKING OUT FOR THEM AND SPOILING THEM ? no he will not

kama would find him interesting because he’s perfect bullying fodder but as i said before, it doesn’t work on ash. HE’S A WARRIOR ??? A CURSED IMMORTAL ? DO U THINK THAT PETTY PRANKS LIKE THE ONES KAMA DOES WOULD AFFECT HIM ? “are you bored ?” he asks while they’re trying to surprise him from behind and jumpscare him, without even turning to face them. kama groans in defeat.

SEDUCTION DOESNT WORK ON HIM EITHER AND THATS SO FUNNY but thats where it becomes subtle, he grows attached to them because they’ve gotten used to eachother’s presence (and strength in battle... small things like that). love can be born out of simple things!! blatant bimbo seduction doesn’t work on him but when he comes to wake kama up, and they’re too lazy to get up or float and groggily order him to lean forward so they can hold onto his shoulders so he’ll lift them up when he straightens himself is...

he’d find it cute. they’re cute. when they reach the cafeteria it’s still quite early and he already knows what they like to eat and get their plate ready for them while they’re waking up and yawning. god... they’re cute... its so subtle and cute...

......ok time to be horny !!! (TOMATOES GET FLUNG AT ME)

i think that they’d reach this stage after a while, when kama just gives up on bothering him cuz he’s annoyingly strong (and ganesha is more fun to bother anyway) and since they’re around eachother very often, kama would grow comfortable around him. same for ashwatthaman ! they’re very nice to be around when they’re calm and just chillin.

the only teasing kama hasn’t tried on him is being openly horny and come onto him, asking him things about himself. and ash revealing that he’s never done these sorts of things before (HES A LIL MAD CUZ ITS EMBARRASSING ... DAMN... !!!), i think it’d give kama ideas. I MLAUGHING TYPING THIS BC I DIDNT THINK OF HOW THEY’D COAX HIM INTO GETTING NAUGHTY YET AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD PORN INTRO AHHHHHHHHHHH

ok yeah like i said i didnt think of the coaxing yet but knowing ash, kama could turn it into a competition and make fun of him a little and he’s ready to go. arrogant dummy.

he’s polite but his arrogance is a charm point because he’ll def want to prove himself to the god of carnal love. imagine kama’s reaction when he actually outfucks them.

HONESTLY ? I BELIEVE HIS WARRIOR STAMINA WOULD JUST BE INCREASED ONCE HE BECAME A SERVANT. AND KAMA WAS NEVER A WARRIOR theyre a lavish and lazy god.

BUT THEIR EGO IS WOUNDED and their shocked reaction is cute and ash wants to keep holding them for a little longer

their sessions genuinely feel like hatefucking at first since they’re both weirdly competitive like that but then, guilt hits and kama feels like an idiot because they just came onto someone thats supposedly their enemy??? and they’re a bit distant in the aftermath, they almost... look a little shy.

ashwatthaman isnt beating himself over it as much as they are tho. it felt good, he got to see a new side of them he never thought he’d get to see so intimately and... he outfucked God :) SO HE IS PROUD. but looking at them lying there, breathless and looking all sad worries him. so i can see him leaning forward and spooning them, holding their hand and kissing their fingers and it’s such a soft gesture, kama stutters and asks “Where.. where did you learn to do that.” and seeing their reaction, Ash blushes as well and explains that he saw his father kiss his mom’s hand once???? AND ITS... SUCH A CUTE AND OBVIOUS REASON. kama feels dumb for asking but it makes them chuckle.

and i think seeing someone who constantly looks so tired and depressed, have a genuine little chuckle would melt ash right there. i think he’ll want to see more.

AND FROM THAT POINT ON, i think kama would also get used to this... intimacy they start to share. when he wraps his arms around them he always hugs them in this protective way, as if he wanted to shield them from something. and when he holds them like that, they always feel the need to wrap their legs around his waist, hide their face against his neck and Allow him to cuddle them.

they both have an ego u know aha. so if u openly ask them about eachother, they’ll get embarrassed and shut u down. IT��S... IT’S NOT LIKE THAT (sweats)

it is. it is like That.

ANYWAY THEYRE BOTH VERY VERSATILE and ash is pretty much into everything kama could teach him about. like i said earlier, he’s also fine with being manhandled, mostly the feeling of kama’s nails gently pressing against his skin, or being bit. i think he’d be into getting a lil feral.

a mutual once said that sexually liberated ashwatthama is hot as hell and i feel it in my bones.... kama coming onto him after a particularily short mission that got ash angry but not enough to let out some steam --> they get pounded into the mattress and they live for it because riling him up when he’s like that is actually really fun.

OBSESSED WITH THE BOTH OF THEM SLOWLY SEEING IT AS A GAME AFTER A WHILE...

OH ash bottoming is also very cute. his first times would be awkward but kama is a pro at this anyways and i’m finally going to answer ur ask: YEAH HE GETS PEGGED !!!!! he finds out how excited he gets when kama calls him a good boy !!! and he never knew that he was into these sorts of things but holy shit it feels nice.

when kama gives him his first blowjob he almost loses his mind

what i really love about kama is that they can see how tense he gets, even if he’s having a great time, and i know they’d teach him how to relax. EVEN WHEN THEY’RE RIDING HIM, they’ll massage his pecs and his shoulders, set the pace and squeeze down on him just to hear him moan. stare at his surprised little face because he didn’t know he could make THAT kind of nois e ? ? ? ? ?

HE’S EMBARRASSED but he doesn’t want them to stop

OH YEAH i wanna come back on the whole masochist thing (I GET SNIPED), him getting repentance and being punished through sex is both very liberating and hot as hell, especially when it’s kama. ashwatthaman moaning ‘your divinity’ like it’s a prayer is also hot as hell !!!!!!! IDK i just think that they can both get very intense, and also last a while, until they’re thoroughly SPENT.

...and leave room for softness. kama gently brushing his wet hair behind his ear, leaving him breathless and a little shy. they then lean in to kiss him and he immediately melts into their touch. but then they bite his lip. and he ... he Likes it but he could almost pout.

time to get a little angsty (i lock gazes with you) i think that after a long while of sharing such a relationship, ash would almost say The Forbidden Words in a daze. and kama deeply kisses him so he stays quiet. and they’re just staring at eachother, until kama tells him that he’s not allowed to say it. and if he does, it’ll almost be a betrayal towards shiva AND themself. they’ve grown impossibly close but neither of them can say Those Words because they both feel like they’ll break something.

also bc they both have huge egos.

but i think that deep down they really want to say them.

another variant of this is kama wanting to make him admit it, have him say Those Words. but because of his blessing and respect towards lord shiva, he cannot. both because of the guilt and that it’d end up feeling like a lie, even if his touches, his kisses and the way he looks at kama screams otherwise.

BUT REE WHAT ARE THE FORBIDDEN WORDS

"I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" Hercules (1997).

is this enough of a clue ;;);)););;;))))))) HAAHA

THEY HAVE SO MANY LAYERS TO THEM ITS UNREAL

anyway shower sex hot !! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i also think that them mutually jerking eachother off is hot as all hell and ONCE AGAIN, flustered ash who doesn’t know what he’s doing (at first) is cute !!!! cute !!

ashwatthaman LEARNING from kama is also a big fave. they’re abt to bathe in kama’s luxurious bathtub they had master buy for them and they’re removing their earrings and he silently leans forward and bites their ear and suddenly their face is red. god. huge dummy god of love. i love them soooo much its unreal

THEIR DYNAMIC IS BASICALLY.. I WONT SAY IM IN LOVE but still look at eachother like they’re newlyweds everytime they get intimate and (sheds a tear) i think theyre super married

GOOD GOD .......BODY WORSHIP IS SOMETHING THEYRE BOTH HEAVILY INTO ALSO. both giving and receiving, even if kama is a lot less obvious about it and a lot more smug.

oh, i think ash would be the loudest between the two !! THIS ONE WAS OBVIOUS. hearing him like that would also coax kama into making more noise as well so its win-win

ok to be honest i think i should draw porn of them being soft like... THERES DETAILS I HAVE IN MIND THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO WRITE DOWN IN THE HEADCANON FORMAT and i’m too nervous about writing fics (looks away) but i have things to draw.

ANYWAY I THINK THIS GOT VERY LONG ????????? SO IM GONNA STOP HERE. IF U MADE IT THIS FAR: THANK U FOR LISTENING TO MY BRAINWORM !!!!

#answered #ree's fgo hcs #lemon #kamAsh #ashkama #there u go !! both tags just Because

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bamon4bamily · 5 years ago

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TVD 9x09 (part 2) Enjoy! =)

Cut to - Stefan and Caroline, lying on the beach, having some margaritas, just chilling, doing absolutely nothing but stare at the ocean and talk.

STEFAN: Look at us; who knew we could actually let loose and just go with it.

CAROLINE: I know, I’m loving this side of us!

STEFAN: Marry me again…

CAROLINE: (Laughs, thinking it’s a joke, then realizes he means it) Wait, what?! Are you serious?

STEFAN: Yes, Care; we deserve the wedding we want, not that show we had to put on; I mean, it was beautiful, but it wasn’t us, and we didn’t even get to enjoy it.

CAROLINE: A million times, yes! Let’s do it (they kiss)!... Now, about that thing… I’ve been given it a lot of thought; this is a decision we need to make together. Guess it comes down to answering ourselves if we want this to be short and sweet, or long but uncertain.

STEFAN: If this was just about me, I’d go with short and sweet. I always hated being a vampire, and the mere possibility of becoming a ripper again terrifies me, but the idea of not being able to be with you for much longer, terrifies me even more. I’d like to think I came back for a reason, not just to die all over again.

CAROLINE: I know this might sound selfish, but I rather take a chance with the ripper than lose you. And, if it ever came to that, I’d be here to bring you back. We can do this, Stefan.

STEFAN: We can do anything (kisses her). It’s decided then. Maybe I’m destined to be a vampire…

CAROLINE: Or maybe you’re destined to be with me.

STEFAN: (Tender smile) I like that reasoning better (kisses her).

CAROLINE: So, this option you mentioned, are we sure it’s safe?

STEFAN: No, I mean, there is always a risk with these types of things.

CAROLINE: And Damon is on board with this?

STEFAN: He said it was my decision, he’ll do it if I decide to go through with it, so…

CAROLINE: Are you really sure it’s what you want to do?

STEFAN: What I am sure of is that I want to be with you for as long as I can.

CAROLINE: Me too. Well, once we go back home, we’ll get it done.

STEFAN: And start planning for our second wedding.

CAROLINE: Oh, I’m already on that.

STEFAN: (Laughs) I love you.

CAROLINE: And I love you (kisses him). Now, how about we go upstairs and take a “bath”...

STEFAN: (Stands up real fast) You know, another pro is that next time, we’ll be able to vamp our way to the room (smirks).

CAROLINE: Plus, vamp sex, you gotta miss that (smirks back)!

STEFAN: That alone is worth the risk of the ripper coming back. (Grabs their stuff and carries her to their room).

Cut to – Tulum ruins. After four hours Bonnie and Damon conclude the temazcal ritual; La Bruja offers them some fruit and tea to rehydrate.

LA BRUJA: You are true warriors; I’m impressed you got through the four hours; many don’t get past the first. You know, my ancestors believed the temazcal represented the womb, a place of transition between the heavens and the underworld, and that once you came out of the ritual, you were reborn.

BONNIE: I’ve died many times, linked with a cosmic energy source, but have never felt anything so sublime. Thank you, this truly was a gift.

LA BRUJA: No need to thank me, it was my pleasure. (Turns to Damon, who is very silent and meditative) Damon, how was your experience?

DAMON: Terrifying, yet beautiful at the same time… I don’t know how to explain it. I think I cried at some point, laughed, screamed… Cathartic, to say the least. A million times thank you, honestly…

LA BRUJA: I knew you would face your demons and fight till the end to defeat them. You two have a unique bond, soulmates beyond a doubt.

BONNIE: (Looking into Damon’s eyes with a soft smile) I guess we are…

DAMON: I know we are (kisses her).

LA BRUJA: Destiny doesn’t make mistakes (winks).

BONNIE: Tell me about you and Grams.

LA BRUJA: (Smirks) In the beginning we used to hate each other. Although our covens were amicable, the Bennett’s had a history with the Gemini and the Mikaelson witch, and my coven didn’t approve. Also, your grandma is as stubborn as they come, couldn’t stand her, yet I sort of loved to hate her. Then, a situation forced an unusual alliance and we ended up becoming best friends. After some time, one thing led to the other, and well… you can figure out the rest. One thing is for sure, I love that woman to infinity.

BONNIE: It’s so strange, I feel like there is this whole side of Grams I never knew…

LA BRUJA: Just like there is a side of you she doesn’t either. That is the beauty of human relations, you never truly get to unveil the mystery of the inner self.

BONNIE: I’m happy to know she has that kind of love. Sorry if I seemed rude before, I’m honored to have met you.

LA BRUJA: No hard feelings, I understand you being wary, but I’m hoping that after this bonding moment, we can become friends.

BONNIE: You know it!

DAMON: I’m curious, you said you met my mother, does that mean you’re an immortal?

LA BRUJA: We are all immortal, Damon. Now, what keeps me in this specific state of existence can be thought both as a curse or as a blessing. I am mother nature, assigned to protect and preserve all biological beings. I am bound to this earth till its end…

BONNIE: Don’t you get lonely? Seeing the people you love move on while you remain?

LA BRUJA: Not at all; just because they move on to another plane of existence doesn’t mean we are not connected. We might not be able to interact physically, but spiritually we are linked for eternity.

BONNIE: That’s a beautiful way to look at it.

LA BRUJA: It is. Well, I must be heading out now, but before I leave, I need to give you two things. One, (hands her an amulet) this earth amulet, whenever you need to reach me hold it in your left hand, close your eyes, and I’ll be there in a blink of an eye.

Second, a message from the Shaman… (Says the words in Mayan) “Ti' le ak'abo' le unión vence le k'aas” … In darkness, unity defeats evil. Never forget that, it might be the answer you need when the time comes…

BONNIE: What do you mean?

LA BRUJA: Just, remember, promise me.

BONNIE: I will, I promise.

LA BRUJA: Good. My work here is done.

BONNIE: Listen, we should see each other before we go back home, let us invite you to dinner one of these nights.

LA BRUJA: I’d love to! You know how to reach me.

DAMON: Thank you again, really, this has been one of the best experiences of my life, or death, however you want to see it.

LA BRUJA: Ay, Damon, you are such an uncanny soul; but a good one, so stop doubting yourself.

BONNIE: (Teasing) Listen to the herb lady, Damon, she’s on point.

DAMON: (Laughs) Is Sheila this mocking?

LA BRUJA: Oh, yes, it’s definitely a Bennett thing!

BONNIE: Hey!

LA BRUJA: (Laughs) But that’s why we love you ladies.

DAMON: That’s right, Bon Bon (smirks and hugs her).

BONNIE: Oh, I’m still gonna get you back for this, when you least expect it (kisses him, winks).

LA BRUJA: Well, amigos, my time to go… (just as she suddenly appeared, she disappears, along with the Shaman and the hut).

DAMON: How about a dip?

BONNIE: (Smirks and slowly takes her clothes off) Catch me if you can! (Runs into the ocean, Damon takes his clothes off as fast as he gets up, and vamps in after her. They make love, multiple times, until sunset).

Cut to - Edward, waking up inside a cell in the underground hi-tech facility.

AUGUSTUS: Sorry, son, I tried giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you don’t seem to get it together. I trusted you’d get things done, thought you were on the right track when you took care of that lunatic Darius, but your attachment to the Donovan kid keeps getting in the way; and for the life of me, I can’t understand why. He might be blood, but he is not family. Oh, well, never leave a boy to do a man’s job.

EDWARD: Where is she?! What have you done to her?!!!

AUGUSTUS: Who? Oops, I think they might have overdone it with the sedatives… Well, it will pass, nothing to worry about. Unless… you haven’t stopped taking your medication, have you?

EDWARD: I know what I saw, where is she!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AUGUSTUS: Bring Donovan back, and you might find out.

EDWARD: You have all this high-tech equipment, I’m sure you can find where he is.

AUGUSTUS: Well we know he flew to Lima a couple of days ago, but we found his cellphone, and his wife’s, at their house. I’m guessing someone told them not to bring their phones along.

EDWARD: You had him, he gave you what you wanted, and you let him go. If you still needed him, why would you let him go?

AUGUSTUS: Unfortunately, when it comes to humans, errors are bound to happen; we missed a minor detail.

EDWARD: That’s quite the understatement… but you are wasting your time with me, so go play with your toys, you might have better luck with them. Oh, and I will find out what you did to her, don’t doubt that for a second.

AUGUSTUS: (Grins, sarcastically) In the meantime, I’ll have one of my toys bring you your medication; can’t have you going off to La La land just yet. (An odd man approaches his cell with some pills) I hope it’s the right prescription… (smirks and walks away).

Cut to - Tyler and Lexi playing cards and having a drink, after a long day at the school.

LEXI: (Opens her cards) Royal flush…

TYLER: Are you kidding me?! (Opens his) Poker.

LEXI: Aw, Wolfie, (as she takes his chips) better luck next time.

TYLER: Well, I’m out of money, and dignity.

LEXI: Ha, I warned you. (Takes a sip of her drink) So, how are you adjusting? Are you liking this teaching thing?

TYLER: Much to my surprise, I actually am. You?

LEXI: I’m loving it! I’ve always been a huge fan of Harry Potter, so I kind of feel like I’m in Hogwarts.

TYLER: Are you serious, Harry Potter? (Cracks up).

LEXI: Hey, they’re amazing books!

TYLER: (Teasing) Oh, I’m sure they are, but I never figured you as a fangirl.

LEXI: You have no idea, haven’t missed a single con.

TYLER: Ha, ha! As in those geek events where everyone is dressed up? Please don’t tell me you go in costume…

LEXI: Of course I do, I have Hermione down to a T! Just ask Bonnie, she’s gone to a few with me.

TYLER: Bonnie?! Oh, this just keeps getting better! (Alaric comes running in).

ALARIC: Hey, guys.

LEXI: What’s up, boss?

ALARIC: Oh, gees no, please don’t call me that. We have a situation…

TYLER: What’s going on?

ALARIC: It’s actually quite funny if you think about it. You know how Katherine used to be a Traveler?

TYLER: Uhm, yes, but not after she became a vampire…

ALARIC: Yes, but then she became human, died, was queen of hell, came back; who knows what she really is at this point… Anyway, turns out one of her students is an active Traveler and, well, long story short, something happened, and they switched bodies… and no one can figure out how to switch them back. Just thought I’d let you know so you don’t freak out when a teenage boy comes in here, pours himself a drink and starts acting like a crazy person.

LEXI: Did you just say, teenage boy? (She laughs hysterically) Oh, this is too good!!

TYLER: (Also laughing uncontrollably) Karma is a bitch!!!

LEXI: We have to see this, please, Ric, ask her to come!

ALARIC: Well she, or shall I say, he, is in his room at the moment; freaking out. Radka is with him and the student, trying to look for a way to reverse whatever they did back.

LEXI: (Jumps up) What are we waiting for? Let’s go!

ALARIC: (As they are walking out) Guys, just try not to laugh too hard.

Cut to - Matt and Khuyana, who have been staying at a cabin, somewhere near the Machu Pichu ruins, for a couple of days.

MATT: Middle of nowhere, you, me, and absolutely no connection to the outside world; I can get used to this.

KHUYANA: I have to say, I thought I would go crazy without my phone, but it’s so liberating!

MATT: It is; makes you think just how dependent we are on our little gadgets, and how disconnected from the natural world.

KHUYANA: I’m reconsidering your offer not to go back to Mystic Falls, or Lima, we can just stay here and live out the rest of our days as hermits. You can become a writer, and I can become a sculptor, or a painter.

MATT: Well, I can’t write for my life, so I’ll need to find something else.

KHUYANA: Or you could be the sculptor, you are great with your hands (smirks).

MATT: Well, we have a couple of more days to decide… (kisses her).

Cut to – Sage and Alex in a real high-end apartment, near the University’s Medical Lab. Sage wakes up, real hung-over. Gets out of bed, goes to the kitchen to grab an aspirin. Alex is reading and having coffee.

ALEX: (With happy-go-lucky sarcasm) Morning sunshine!

SAGE: Oh, shut up, Alex; my head is killing me.

ALEX: (Mocking) Wonder why? Here (hands her a pick-me up drink he had already prepared for her, she chugs it).

SAGE: (Hits his chest) Why did you let me drink so much last night!?

ALEX: (Laughs) Are you serious? When have you ever listened to me when I tell you to slow it down?

SAGE: I didn’t even drink that much, how did I get so drunk!?

ALEX: I’m guessing it had something to do with seeing Sam again, and meeting his new girlfriend, Elena… (pushing her buttons) she’s hot!

SAGE: Please, she’s your average, totally overrated, “girl next door”.

ALEX: Meow! Catty much? After all these years, you’re still stuck on him.

SAGE: First of all, it’s only been two years. Second, I’m not. I just think he can do better, that’s all.

ALEX: Wait, I thought… never mind, I don’t even want to know. Listen, we start the program early tomorrow, how about we stay in, veggie out, and binge some Walking Dead.

SAGE: That actually sounds like a great idea, can’t function today; but we’re not watching your lame ass show, so get ready for a Hunger Games marathon.

ALEX: (Rolls his eyes) Fine! I’ll make us some lunch while you set the rest up.

SAGE: (With a puppy face) Salmon and cream cheese bagels?

ALEX: Yes, I knew you were going to ask for that, so I went to the market early in the morning; got some champagne and oranges for mimosas too.

SAGE: (Kisses his cheek) You’re the best!

Cut to- Akumal, Mexico. Caroline, Bonnie, Damon and Stefan are having an oceanfront dinner.

CAROLINE: So, how were the pyramids?

BONNIE: Out of this world, you guys should have come.

CAROLINE: We were exhausted, but will definitely join next time; I’m thinking we should make this trip an annual tradition.

BONNIE: Definitely.

DAMON: No objections here.

STEFAN: Or here.

BONNIE: So, wanna hear a crazy story?

CAROLINE: Always.

BONNIE: We met my Grams soulmate…

CAROLINE: What?! Here? What are the odds! How did you meet him?

BONNIE: Actually, it’s a she…

CAROLINE: (Spits out the wine she had just taken a sip of) What??!!!!! Oh my god!! Wait, are you playing with me?!

BONNIE: Nop, she’s a Mayan witch, and apparently mother nature…

CAROLINE: (In total shock) Grams?! Really?!! You’re joking, right? Did you guys smoke that stuff again?

BONNIE: (Laughs) No, totally clear minded.

STEFAN: You mean to tell me Sheila…

DAMON: That’s right, brother, she even told us herself. Her reflection appeared through La Bruja’s eyes, spilled the tea to Bonnie…

BONNIE: When you hear it like that, it does sound like we were trippin (they laugh).

CAROLINE: Now I’m totally regretting not going with you guys! So, what did she say, what happened?!

BONNIE: She told us how they met, and then she initiated us in a ritual called temazcal; that was pretty much it. Crazy shit, right!?

CAROLINE: Absolutely insane!! I totally want to meet her!

BONNIE: I told her we would have her over for dinner one of these nights, you can meet her then.

CAROLINE: Ooh, yes, can’t wait! Well, now that we are exchanging our day stories, we have one we want to share with you as well… We are having a second wedding!

BONNIE: That’s great!! You definitely need a due over, last one was pretty bad, no offense.

DAMON: Only good take away was mine and Bon Bon’s dance, rest was a Carry meets The Exorcist fiasco.

BONNIE: Do you have a date? Are you going for a June wedding again? CAROLINE: Oh no, I’m done with June weddings; I want it to be as far away from June as possible, so we’re thinking early December.

BONNIE: That’s coming up real soon… sure you’ll have enough time to plan?

CAROLINE: Yes, we want something simple this time around. Plus, I’ll have my maid of honor to help me out.

BONNIE: And who might that be?

CAROLINE: Bonnie Sheila Bennett, do you even have to ask?! Of course it’s you, it’s always going to be you! Don’t tell Elena I said that.

BONNIE: (With a sweet smile) Well, I think this deserves a bottle of champagne.

DAMON: I’m on it! (Calls the waiter to order the bottle).

BONNIE: Have you picked a venue?

CAROLINE: The mansion; like I said, we want to keep it classy but simple.

BONNIE: It will be beautiful.

DAMON: (After the waiter serves them the champagne, holds his glass up) To due overs!

EVERYONE: Cheers!

CAROLINE: Okay, so, we might change the mood with this one, but we need to tell you something else … Stefan?

STEFAN: Well, Damon, you already know what this is about. Bon, we didn’t want to tell you until we had made a decision.

BONNIE: What’s going on, Stefan? You’re freaking me out…

STEFAN: Essentially, I’m dying.

BONNIE: What?!

DAMON: Bro, context! You can’t just spit words out like that!

STEFAN: Sorry, Bon. Let me try this again. So, you know how I died, and then you brought me back, and then, well, I had the cure before I died, and then I gave it to Damon, and then...

DAMON: Oh, for god’s sakes! Bon Bon, thing is, the cure is wearing off fast. At this rate, we don’t know how long it will last before… well you know what. Stefan talked to me about it, and I came up with an idea; the only way out of this is if he takes the antidote, which is in my blood...

BONNIE: Wow, you sure you’re not the ones that are high? Sorry, had to break the tension to process this… Stefan, you do know what taking the antidote means, right?

STEFAN: I do, that’s what made it so hard to make the decision, but after a lot of thought, Care and I decided it’s worth the risk.

CAROLINE: We want to do it once we get back home.

BONNIE: This has never been done before, it could be dangerous, (turns to Damon) for both…

DAMON: Bon, don’t worry; we should be fine.

BONNIE: Not if it works like the cure, it won’t. Plus, you’re missing a major detail, Stefan died without the cure, it’s not in his system anymore so the “antidote” wont work. Your sudden deterioration is because you don’t have the cure anymore, just like what happened to Katherine but at a slower rate … Didn’t think it could happen, given that you died and came back, but I guess it did. Answer is simple, if you want to survive and don’t mind becoming a vampire, you need to be turned the old-fashioned way… (They all stare at her, mind blown, and a bit embarrassed they hadn’t even thought of that).

DAMON: (To Stefan) You see? This is why I insisted we talked to Bon Bon first!

CAROLINE: (To Bonnie) I told him to tell you too.

STEFAN: (To Bonnie) Sorry, I asked them not to tell you. I didn’t want to drag you, once again, into one of my problems.

BONNIE: Stefan, are we friends?

STEFAN: Of course we are.

BONNIE: Then, your problems are my problems; you’re not dragging anyone. (Teasing) But if you would have listened to them, we could have solved this way sooner.

CAROLINE: I can’t believe we didn’t even think of that…

BONNIE: Sometimes the answer is so obvious you doubt if it makes any sense.

CAROLINE: (To Stefan) So, what do you think?

STEFAN: To be honest, old-fashion way scares me even more, at least with the antidote option there was a chance the ripper might not come into play; but if we do it like this, it’s bound to happen at some point.

BONNIE: Not if you learn how to control it, and we can help you do that. You can do this, Stefan, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

STEFAN: Thank you for saying that, Bon.

CAROLINE: So, old fashioned way it is…

DAMON: Dibs on the kill!

STEFAN: There’s no way in hell I’m letting you kill me; Care is the one that needs to do it.

CAROLINE: No, no, no, I’m not doing it. I’ll give you my blood but I’m not going to be part of The murder of Stefan Salvatore, true crime series episode.

STEFAN: Bon?

BONNIE: Oh, hell no.

DAMON: (With a grin) Looks like it’s gonna have to be me, bro.

STEFAN: Maybe it’s best if I just ride out this decomposition…

DAMON: Oh, come on, it could be fun! Just like old times!

STEFAN: Fine, but I swear, if you so much as smirk, I’m gonna go ripper on your ass.

DAMON: I’ll be gentle, and well behaved, pinky swear.

STEFAN: It’s settled then… Care, you’ll give me your blood; Damon, you’ll do the deed; Bon, you’ll be my moral support.

CAROLINE: God, this is insane! If anyone heard this conversation, they’d either put us in a loony or in jail.

BONNIE: That’s true for pretty much every conversation we have (they all laugh).

CAROLINE: Okay, now that we got that out of the way, let’s celebrate! (They spend the night drinking, laughing, dancing, having a great time).

Cut to – High-tech underground facility, Edward’s cell. The man that gave Edward his medication is still standing outside the cell, on guard. Edward can’t stop staring at him, intrigued by his uncanny behavior and appearance (which strangely resembles him).

EDWARD: What the hell are you...

TVD 9x10 coming next! Hope you stop by, read and enjoy!

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rhettfm · 5 years ago

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hello humans , i’m siri ( i was half asleep when i chose alias but now ... we’re marrying to it , it’s okay , we’re okay . ) ( and i just realized how bad it was to greet you all as humans and then say i’m siri , wow ) ignore my monologue here to be honest . moooving on , under the cut i’ll write some info on my child rhett barlowe .

matthew daddario. cis male. he/him. ／ rhett barlowe just pulled up blasting bruises by lewis capaldi — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty-seven year old actor, i’ve heard they’re really -reserved, but that they make up for it by being so +loyal. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say drinking black coffee like it’s water, runs before the sun is out, worn out book folded into his back pocket . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( siri, 21+, cst, she/her )

career claims: henry cavill

BASICS

FULL NAME: rhett barlowe

NICKNAMES: none

AGE: 27

GENDER: cis male

BIRTHDATE: may , 1st

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual

PLACE OF BIRTH: cheshire , england

OCCUPATION: actor

HEIGHT: 6′3′’

WEIGHT: 203 lbs

BACKGROUND

born to a paralegal and a gym owner , rhett’s the youngest of 4 boys . they were pretty much like having 4 tornados running around the house :// bless mama barlowe’s heart . overall a very upper-middle class home .

they were all athletic since they were kids , they all played rugby and two of his brothers made it pro and another one is a professional soccer player . rhett was a fan of taekwondo himself , winning tournaments and such .

when he was 13 , a guy saw him at a tournament and reached out to his mom telling him that she should take him to auditions .

he made a few commercials at first , then escalated to work as an extra in films or non-credited roles until he got the role of albert de morcef in the count of montecristo . then he played the hunter in little red riding hood and teseo in immortals . sort of what put him in hollywood’s radar was getting the lead in the tudors .

now what put him in the world’s radar was being casted for man of steel . there were mixed reactions to it , some people thought he wasn’t muscular enough to play superman , or that the actor had to be american , or that his work wasn’t even that remarkable to begin with .

but he put in the work and pulled it off , so much that in following movies batman vs superman and justice league , he did as much as upstage household names . then he did mission impossible and a month ago came out the witcher in netflix .

HEADCANONS

RHETT IN A NUTSHELL: here

he’s that henry interview where he said that sometimies he wouldn’t even read his lines and just grunt for the whole team just to turn to each other like: ....i don’t think he’s saying anything else lol

you know how ppl in tumblr say marvel found the actual avengers and just made them play themselves aka chris evans being captain america or whatever ? that’s rhett as geralt lol

thick english accent

lowkey an avid gamer and reader . would often carry a book with him everywhere but nowadays it’s probably a script he has tucked into his back pocket , which is probably not the smartest way to carry potential hollywood secrets but oh well

can hold a fairly decent conversation in 7 languages .

probably would’ve majored in like ... history , or gone to the olympics for taekwondo had he not turn into an actor

not a man of many words lol

big fan of sunrises , usually goes running before the sun is up just to catch them

definitely likes dogs more than people

WANTED CONNECTIONS

everything ??

i’m a sucker for first love plots x , the fluff and the headcanons and just everything

give me the type of friends who get on his nerves but he still , very on the downlow , appreciates lol aka the jaskier to his geralt

people he’s met on auditions or chemistry tests or whatever career related ?

the type of friends who like to talk his ear off , bc he might look like he doesn’t care and he won’t say shit but he you know , listens

people who can’t stand him bc there’s a lot not to stand tbh , maybe it’s mutual , maybe it’s not even like a serious thing .

idk anything lol , let’s brainstorm ! hit me up in the ims or just like this and i’ll come to you

#excess:intro #i'll probably reblog this later so i'm sorry in advance

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proheromidoriyashouto · 6 years ago

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you: Midoriya Hisashi just a cover name for All For One/All Might/Aizawa/some jerkass villain/deadbeat/regular negligent father, Nedzu that time, etc.

me: Midoriya Hisashi is the basis for Tatsu from "The Way of The House Husband" and the reason he's gone is because he fully supports Izuku's heroic dreams and thinks that his influence will negatively effect Izuku's chances if people find out he's an ex-Yakuza's son so he self-imposed exile to distance his old life from his family to protect Izuku and he misses them so much from America but he makes do so that his son can have a better life. he cries a lot and if you think Inko was excessive watching the Sports Festival you will not believe the river of tears that poured out of this man. he split the earth with his tears (like Izuku did upon passing round 2).

he left the Yakuza well before Overhaul took over and would destroy him if not for fear that returning to Japan would jeopardize Izuku's burgeonig hero life in even the slightest degree.

his name's gotta be on the plane ticket and a plane ticket means there's a receipt and where there's a receipt there's a debit card and where there's a debit card there's a bank account with his name on it and a mailing address for bank notices for proof of residence uses aka a paper trail aka proof that "Immortal Hisashi" is alive, a link to Midoriyama Hisashi who disappeared around the time that Midoriya Hisashi got married and took his wife's suspisciously similar name and where there's a wife there's a kid maybe and where's there's a kid maybe there's a kid probably and that kid is bound to have hopes and dreams and all kids want to be heroes now so there's a kid with a dream to be a hero possibly and-- Izuku inherited his mumbling and skill for speculation.

Izuku loves him and bases being a good husband/boyfriend around what he was able to witness between his parents before his dad went to America. Over the top home cooked meals to revitalize the body after work, far too many relaxation kits that do the exact opposite from late-night tv shopping, viciously bargain hunting to save their precious money, willing to humiliate himself if it means putting a smile on Shouto's face and then loudly proclaiming it's the most valuable thing he could ever desire to Shouto's embarrassment/adoration, "jury's still out"-ing the roomba, letting Shouto kill a roach against his chest even though it's all he'll think about from that moment every time he looks at his chest to save Shouto the horror, meticulously cleaning the house so it's always spotless when Shouto comes home even if that means using OFA to beat his train home and rush through the chores, taking courses for 10 years to learn how to make perfect 100% buckwheat soba just to treat Shouto on that year's anniversary, etc.

When Izuku becomes a full-fledged pro, Hisashi gets on a canoe and paddles his way back to Japan. They initially believe he went a little way crazy from his imposed isolation and over-protectiveness and fear him lost at sea. Two years later, he pulls into Dagobah beach, walks into the apartment where Inko still lives, hugs her and breaks down crying.

"I'm sorry for all the work you had to do without me, ma'am. Little Izuku was worth it."

"You were right. I'm not sure leaving was really for the best, but.. I guess, all I can say is... welcome home, Hisashi."

#bnha #proshou's headcannons #midoriya hisashi is tatsu #not crack??#midoriya izuku #midoriya inko #todoroki shouto #midoriya shouto #izuku makes shouto feel like he's not pulling his weight and they compete over being the best husband #i think im funny #and i have one(1) emotional support anon #tododeku

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dellaliz19 · 7 years ago

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Altered Carbon review: spoilers!

So, I’m a little late to the ball on this one, but I just finished the first season of Netflix’s sci-fi drama, Altered Carbon, and honestly, the show was excellent!

Altered Carbon takes places in a future time where humanity has been able to cheat death by the use of “stacks,” an implantable brain, essentially, that allows people to switch between different bodies or “sleeves” if they are sick or murdered or bored. “Real death” is still possible, in the form of being attacked in the stack (kept at the base of your neck). The show follows Takeshi Kovacs, the last of a class of super soldiers called Envoys, who 250 years ago fought a losing rebellion against the concept of using stacks, as their charismatic leader Quellcrist Falconer believed that stacks would lead to a society where the rich and powerful would utterly rule the world, no longer even limited by death. Kovacs wakes up in a new sleeve after 250 years in a stack prision (on ice) and finds that not only has the world that Quell predicted has come true, but that he’s been bought by a “Meth” - a functional immortal as their wealth have allowed them to buy endless clones and back their selves up constantly - named Laurens Bancroft to solve his own murder, which occurred with a gun that only he and his wife had access to. Kovacs takes the job, and along his quest to solve the murder, he makes reluctant friends with a motley crew of characters including: the Elliot’s, a family whose murdered daughter was mentally damaged and needs repair, a mother in prision and a commando father, Lieutenant Kristen Ortega, a hot headed detective with a strong moral code whose framed boyfriend is the sleeve that Kovacs now inhabits, and Poe, an AI hotel with intense devotion to Kovacs as he is his only customer in almost 50 years.

Based on the trippiness of that plot synopsis, Altered Carbon is a show that wants to ask a lot of philosophical questions on the nature of the soul and life itself. In my opinion it manages to ask some of these: is it right to stay alive forever? What does it do to a person? What are we, as humans at our core? But ultimately, the show focuses heavier on Kovacs personally, and the Bancroft mystery, and I think that is the wiser story choice. Kovacs is played by Joel Kinnaman in the present and Will Yun Lee plays OG Kovacs (or his first body) in the past, and both actors do a great job with him. He truly feels like the same charcter in the three actors hands he’s played in (he’s also briefly played by Bryon Mann, as the sleeve he wears when he is killed the first time), and that character is of someone who had a very hard life and became devoted to a cause and wanted to do some good, and when that was taken from him he became bitter and sarcastic, but ultimately couldn’t help being someone who cared deeply about people.

The supporting cast are also all fantastic: Martha Higareda’s Kristen Ortega is a secondary protagonist, and she’s a fantastic character. Although she’s a ‘firey latina’ she never feels like a stereotype, and her agency throughout the story isn’t ever compromised for Kovacs. Their relationship - complicated by the fact that Kovacs is in the body of her mentally imprisoned lover - goes from enemies to allies to lovers to emotionally close in a seemless transition that was lovely to watch. Chris Conner’s Poe, the AI who controls the hotel that Kovacs stays at, is a breakout character. As an enitity that isn’t human, he brings an interesting viewpoint to a lot of the moral questions the show is asking...and is also just hilarious and charming. Renee Elise Goldsberry as the deceased Quell, and the love of Kovacs life is also a standout: she’s badass, wise, and watching Kovacs devotion to her is just heart rendering (literally once!).

So, in due fashion, let’s talk pros:

- The world building is really subtle and in depth. The opening scene ends with the realization that a child murdered in a drive by has been ‘sleeved’ into the body of a middle age woman and her parents feelings of furiousity and sadness at this are dismissed by a causal “if you want better than pay for it,” which may genuinely be the most chilling thing of the series and an great set piece for this strange new world. The married couple who sleeve duel, the role of religion in this new world and the VR torture are just a few examples of how the creators really took the time to make the world feel real, and explored the unique opportunities this premise gave

- Ortega and Kovacs evolving relationship is really the backbone of the show, and it’s super rewarding to watch them go through that journey. When Ortega is injured the first time and she calls Kovacs by her boyfriends name the pain just bleeds off him, and when he rescues her the second time and she then calls him by his name the look of shock on his face is a perfect evolution for them, and so well done.

- the action scenes are amazing: Kovacs and his sister fighting when they reunite, Ortega and Rei in the naked clone fight, Kovacs escaping the VR torture room and Lizzie rescuing them are just some standouts, but they’re all excellent scenes.

- Quell being the hallucination that haunts Kovacs is fitting, and it’s an interesting dynamic to see that translates well into the flashback episode where we actually get to see them alive. Quell herself is an amazing charcter, and the revelation that she was the woman who actually created stack technology and now regrets what she done to the world was a great aspect of her charcter that really justified her steadfast beliefs.

- Poe was just the greatest, and I don’t think I’ve cried so much at the death of an AI since Bayomax (and he came back, so I’m looking st you, Netflix!!)

-Samir - Ortega’s partner, and devote Muslim - was another fantastic understated charcter. His care for Ortega was real and genuine, and when he threatens Kovacs so simply that if he doesn’t care for him he’ll kill him, I couldn’t do anything but respect him. His death in diving in front of a shot meant to kill Ortega, sacrificing himself as he was shot in the stack (real death), was heartbreaking but so fitting for his character.

- the mystery itself was very good. It was hinted well throughout the series, and even Lizzie’s part in the final answer got past me, which tv mysteries don’t usually. It was a satisfying reveal and it was very well integrated through the stories of all of the main characters.

Now, some cons:

- Dichen Lachman’s Reileen Kawahara was amazing, but she could have done with more screen time. Rei was an incredibly important character, as she was both Kovacs sister, an Envoy who had betrayed them to the government and become a monstrous ‘titan of industry’ and a Meth, as well as the one who had facilitated the whole scheme that had set off the plot. She had so much interesting story to tell: that she clearly loved her brother but that she loved him in a way that was possessive and unhealthy, not satisifed with being his first love but desiring to be rather his only, and reacting violently to both Ortega and Quell who had places in his heart. She was clearly a skilled fighter, a devious and ruthless schemer, getting leverage first on Miriam Bancroft, the using that leverage to get what she needed from Laurens, and then further using that to get her brother released.

With all that said, she doesn’t get the screetime she deserved in my opinion. As an adult, she introduced only in a hallucination in the first episode, and then she shows up in the present and saves them, and then the next episode is the flashback heavy episode where, at the end of it, Kovacs realizes she must have sold them out and effectively killed Quell. This revelation should have, in my opinion, been drawn out over at least 2 episodes: have Kovacs and his sister be very close in this new world and have him slowly and carefully notice things about her, like her world view and her work that would lead him to the betrayal revelation. I feel like that would up the emotion when it does happen, and also give Reileen’s charcter some more time to flesh out some of the interesting things the gloss over with her, like her beliefs on life and her resentment towards her brother for letting her be sold to the Yakuza. She’s a great charcter, but given her integral role in the plot, I’d loved to have more time with her before she went full villain to explore her.

- The ending. The ending seemed a little...too neat for this show. I’m all for Ortega getting her boyfriend back, so long as she’s a charcter in the second season who has to deal with the emotions of loving Riker but also Kovacs. I feel the same way about Quell being alive in a stack somewhere: it seems to me that it makes sense that Rei might have saved her out of spite, hoping one day to have torture equipment strong enough to contain her so she could punish her for “stealing” her brother, but I want that resolution to be messy. Quell very explicitly didn’t want to be saved in a backup, and I want her to be really upset if Kovacs brings her back, and ready to wreck this new society. The Elliots getting their family back was genuinely sweet, but again, it was just all so neat, and for a show that was fun because it was a little messy, it just rode that line.

- Bancroft being drugged into murdering someone. Bancroft, and his wife’s narrative function in the story were clearly to ask the audience: what do we, and life, become when death is taken out of the equation? Bancroft literally asks this of his wife at the end, and while it’s true for Miriam, who killed Lizzie in a jealous rage over her being pregnant, it’s less applicable for Bancroft. Yes, he liked to choke out and possibility “sleeve death” girls, but he always bought them new sleeves, and held himself to the line of “I will not murder.” He goes over that line only when he’s drugged with an incredibly potent aggression increaser, and I think that weakens his story point. Bancroft as a cautionary tale would have been more effective if he’d just been pissed at his son and then killed that girl in a natural violent rage, because then it would have been a true trespass of his moral code.

Mostly, Altered Carbon is a show with a distinctive aesthetic and a great mystery, complimented by charcters that are interesting and well acted. If you’ve got any passing interesting in sci-fi, then certainly give it a watch!

#altered carbon #kristen ortega #joel kinnaman #martha higareda #laurens bancroft #miriam bancroft #takeshi kovacs #reileen kawahara #quellcrist falconer #renee elise goldsberry #netflix #chris conner #poe #cyberpunk #dichen lachman #spoilers

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hotgirlinahotcar · 7 years ago

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* headcanon free-for-all

tagged by: several of you for other things (that are started but still in my drafts...). And with all of y’all already tagged in those too... instead of re-tagging the same people for the same stuff... new thing... tagging: @conviictus / @melioriisms | @cunninglinguistx | @governingmouse | @governinglion | @nicophaught | and everybody else who wants to | non-rp-blogs: just replace ‘your muse’ with one of your fav chars to write about notes: the following answers are heavily influenced by headcanons {d’oh} and whatnots and are subject to change if we ever actually find out more about Gidge...

♥ is there an article of clothing that means the most to your muse? Yep, several. Nope, not her jackets. All the special shirts and other garments that weren’t initially hers but somehow ended up in her possession for some reason or other... (except for stuff that was just discarded or forgotten at her place that ends up in her closet without having any special meaning to her).

❀ what does your muse’s daily routine look like? Most days Gidge gets up at the asscrack of dawn to go surfing - unless the weather won’t permit it (in which case she either goes back to sleep, wakes up her woman for a different kind of workout or catches up on chores and whatnot instead). After a quick shower she then shows up for work barely on time and spends her day there being her glorious sapphic psychologisty self... then after work there really isn’t much of a routine anymore, it’s more of a day to day thing... either back to the beach, or when stuff is piling up, it’s time for chores/errands/paperwork etc and she does the adulting thing. The nights that are all about her girl and spending time together doing whatever they feel like really are her favs though (especially when those also happen to include beachy-surfy and/or lesbionic stuffs). If she’s single though, she might turn her axe-effect up to 11 and hit some lezzie nests for starters... Just hanging out with friends in general is never a bad idea either. And of course the more or less sporadic lazy and quiet nights in are good for the soul too. Naturally, with a lifestyle like that, there also are the days when she’s just beyond exhausted because all that lack of sleep for various reasons caught up with her and she just goes to bed early to recharge properly.

◎ does your muse plan for the long-term or short-term? Both. Realistic goals and all that. Of course she’s only human though, so while she may have the sapphic psychologist skills professional knowledge beneficial to maintaining a healthy balance in general, advice is always easier given than taken. In consideration of that, in most matters, she not only encourages clients and friends alike but also tries to live by it herself. On the flip side of that, nothing wrong with indulging in occasional crazyass notions either. Even the wildest dreams come true for some people after all... In advice-mode she’d also insist on cautioning against actually expecting the more unrealistic stuff to happen though. Cause that kind of thinking has the potential of providing the ideal environment to the birth of delusions.

◆ what is one secret your muse has? Her girlfriend Franky is probably the biggest one... and the canon one... other than that, in verses where she did the pro-surfing circuit thing, it’s not so much of a secret as a part of her life that she just doesn’t share with people at work... with the long lost kid trope, there’d be that... then I have plenty of ideas about the reasons why she got into psychology in the first place... like being forced to go to a mental institution/straight camp when she was a teenager... as in shit was done to her there by the people who were supposed to help her and it becomes her calling to provide therapy done the right way and save people from suffering the likes of what she had to endure... lotsa stuff along those lines. And then there’s the ever classic infinite roulette game of insanity: ‘paid for college (or whatever) by being/got rich by being/gets off on being/leads a double life as/is undercover as/used to be/is mistaken for/pretends to be/wants to be/is forced to be/is being lured into becoming/is basically the same person {cause you’re playing the same muse - a stripper/porn star/lingerie & nude model/hooker/high class escort/assassin for hire/notorious thief/criminal in general/heir to a famous crime family/rockstar/other type of celebrity/is married to/divorced from/related to (somebody rich and famous)/vampire/mermaid/witch/werewolf/alien/ghost/superhero/immortal/time traveler/pirate/ninja/dinosaur/rocket ship/shark toast/swirly whirly junglepants/several or all of the above/is basically the same person {cause you’re playing the same muse - and somebody knows/finds out/stumbles over the intel/gets dragged into it/starts investigating by looking into something unrelated/gets an (anonymous) tip/comes from that world too (and is either keeping the same secret or the complete opposite, is well known for it/comes from another but equal/similar/conflicting/antagonistic situation/is basically the same person {cause you’re playing the same muse}’ {you get the point, these could all go on forever and range from slightly canon-divergent to the crackyassest bloody shit you could ever imagine... Now, I’m not saying I could imagine Gidge in any and all kinds of scenarios, but I’m never not up for at least spitballing, no matter how cracky and insane it might seem.} {Back to the serious side though, I love the whole secret thing so much, so there’s gazillions of headcanons/ideas that I have, but not too many that I’d just ascribe to Gidget in general, so it really depends on the thread.}

ϟ who means the most to your muse? why? Her girl. She’s the love of her life and the world wouldn’t make sense without her in it. And while Bridget had a life before her, since she met Franky/Lorraine/*insert your muse’s name if you wish*, she can’t imagine ever going back to that because she doesn’t even remember what she was living for before she experienced the love they have for each other.

☛ what is your muse’s biggest regret? {I’m gonna leave this basically open for now because I think that would heavily depend on plot and thread and whatnot.} For example, if she did have a kid that she lost somehow, obvi it’d be that... but ‘kids are gross’ versions of her never even would’ve had said child and thus would have entirely different biggest regrets... ex pro-surfer Gidge might forever mourn the loss of that career and might not ever stop resenting whatever ended it... {so yeah, options, options, options... with variations... and alternatives... so just scroll back up to that roulette wheel and we’ll leave it at that until something specific comes along.}

❥ is your muse cool? She thinks she is anyway... XD Nah, she’s chill, but she def has that adorkable side too. Especially when she’s actively trying to be cool... like that ‘I’m not a screw’ scene... {Sorry babe, but your inner Elsa had her gloves on there...}

✯ which three traits define your muse? {Actually... lemme change this one a bit... you can do either version, whatever you prefer.} to be answered at some point in the not so distant future {So I just realized this is just gonna make this post a lot longer and doesn’t even quite fit in with the headcanon thing anymore anyway and can easily be a whole other tag thing by itself...}

♕ would your muse hug a monster? *smiles at @governinglion with wide open arms* {PS: Dude, we really should start talking about starting something... I even have a couple of ideas I’ve been meaning to shoot at ya but haven’t yet cause my ADD is playing fucking pinball with me atm...}

❣ is your muse a fighter or a lover? What’s with the ‘or’? It’s entirely possible to be both at the same time... Just sayin... So yeah, definitely both. Particularly so when the lover brings out the fighter. (That goes for kinkyass passion-motivated activities as well as the ‘my love for you will make me fight to the death and I ain’t letting nothing and no one get in my way’ thing.)

✎ what does life mean to your muse? Biologically, she’s pro-choice. Philosophically... okay, yeah, nope... not gonna go there. To answer in some profound yet vague and still revealing way I’d have to write a fucking epos. So I’ll pass. Your call whether you wanna ponder the meaning of life or disregard this one too.

Disclaimer: Actually this was a meme before I misappropriated it for this. So all credit for the questions goes to whoever wrote them originally. @vhsmeme I think... I hope you don’t mind that I turned it into a tag thing instead. By the time I realized I should’ve fucking asked you first, I had already written most of the replies... so...

But yeah, not cool to just assume it’d be okay, and I acknowledge that. Sorry!-ish. In my defense tho... there’s a hugeass ‘free-for-all’ right there in the title... I just realized that... XD

#conviictus #cunninglinguistx #governinglion #governingmouse #nicophaught #playing tag and stuff #headcanons #wishlist #gidget the surfer girl #sapphic psychologist #gidget's secret past #take courage from her as your prize #she's a mystery girl

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deathbyvalentine · 4 years ago

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Prompts

Interview With A Vampire

Oliver practiced his smile in the mirror. His eyes sparkled, dimples appeared and the effect was almost enchanting. Almost. There was no getting around how prominent his fangs looked. His smile dropped. Did he risk being unfriendly? Or would a smile simply look like a concealed threat? He hated that he had to think of this, analyse his smile. But it was part and parcel of being a predator. The fangs didn’t go away just because your bad intentions did. And for the most part, his bad intentions had. He was a proud vegetarian and had been for almost fifty years, with only one or two messy slip ups here and there. Killing, ironically, was in his blood but it didn’t have to be in his mind. The logical part of his brain, the intellect and (he chose to believe) who he really was was repulsed at the idea of killing humans. He would have abstained from animals if he could without dying of starvation. The university made it easy. He could fill his days (read; nights) with books and study, the quiet age of the college walls providing him with an odd sort of comfort that most other places couldn’t provide. Perhaps it was just being around something that had stood since before he had been born. Nothing had changed much. A lot of Oxford colleges could have been snapshots of previous centuries, preserved perfectly. He could fit in with no difficulty. His odd speech or old fashioned manners could be equally attributed to the natural eccentricity of an academic as his immortality.

He wanted to offer that safety, that comfort to other vampires looking for a place to exist. He wished he could offer it to every one that came knocking at the doors, eyes red and desperate. But for some reason, money still existed and it still ruled their lives, which was so frustrating it made him grind his teeth. There were godlike creatures in the world, unliving, undying, and they were still at the mercy of something as uncouth as coin.

He smiled again, concentrating so the mirror actually showed him a reflection rather than cold empty space. It was an interview with a candidate he was preparing for. He could be himself.

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Purple

The bathroom again, the sink splattered with fresh dye. It was a familiar scene, one repeated every six months or so. The sink still held evidence of pink and blue, stained deep into the definitely-not-real-porcelain. Astrid stood in front of the mirror in just a bra and bed shorts, a pair of plastic gloves on her hands and a bottle in hand. Her hair was already saturated with it, though for the most part she had managed to avoid her skin. She was almost a pro at it after all.

It was the first time she had been purple. Her pink phase had lasted so long. Her blue only a year or so. It was time for a change. Purple was pink and blue together, herself and the Saints joined, no longer jostling for position. It was also something completely new, something that was just hers. She would enter the House of Jung as Violet, a new identity carved out by nobody but herself. Nobody had told her to want this, it was something she discovered herself.

She had an image of herself in the future that she wanted. Older, wiser, still beautiful. Running her dreamweaver cell, looking after the people in it. Not worrying about money or food or the Syndicate. Not relying on drugs to get through the day. Not giving herself to anyone that seemed like they might want her. Choosing who to sleep with because she wanted them, not because she wanted to be wanted.

It was hard to imagine Syn with her. She didn’t want to think about what that meant, either about the future or about her relationship. Maybe she just didn’t believe Syn would be faithful - and if she wasn’t, they were done. Really and truly. She believed that now. No second guessing. No take backs. She was worth more than broken promises. She peeled the gloves back and tossed them in the bin. She couldn’t wait to see what the new her was like. She hoped she liked her.

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Silence

What she liked most about night time was the quiet. Of course, in the suburbs of London nothing was ever truly quiet, but it was quieter. All the adults were asleep, as were the few children there was too. With her bare feet on lino and polished pine, she didn’t make a sound. There was something delicious about exploring at night, how moonlight gilded everything and made even the most familiar objects precious. All the same doors were still locked, the same spaces still open but it felt forbidden all the same. The long corridors stretched ahead and lead to unknown places.

It made her more aware of her body too. The catch of air in her chest, the heartbeat in her ears, the soft whispering of her hair loose from the constraints of plaits. Sometimes she felt or heard a deep rumbling darkness in her chest and she didn’t know if it was her or IT, so she ignored it, focusing instead on her thighs touching each other or the soft click of her teeth.

She tried to be back in bed by the time the sun came up, catching a few hours of rest before she had to get up to start the day. The sunrise didn’t interest her much. Sure, it made everything beautiful, but where was the mystery? The night had secrets. Some the cult scratched the surface of, but some others too, some she didn’t have the words for and couldn’t name. That’s what made it so interesting.

She wondered if her god was the one that curbed her sleep. That lead her to wander the halls restlessly, like the Minotaur or his prey. Sometimes she felt like there were eyes on her, she had always been told IT was watching. She couldn’t have been very interesting to watch - where was the appeal? The cult often said that mortals couldn’t understand IT’s ways, that it was unknowable. Well, she was unknowable too. Maybe like called to like. She settled back into bed and did not sleep without dreams. ________________________________________________________________

Catherine’s Eternity

She raced up the steps of the ruined tower, for once grateful about the lack of air in her lungs - she could run and not be breathless. Reaching the top, she only just managed to thump into a dubious battlement. The wind was fierce up here, wrestling the ribbon from her curls and sending it over and away. She laughed, letting her gaze follow it until it met the grey, raging sea. She loved it here, she loved the rocks and the salt and the dim sepia hue that pervaded everything. It was miserable and it was beautiful in it’s dank melancholy. She held out her arms, feeling the wind press against her, so eager to send her tumbling over the edge.

However, it was not the wind that embraced her a moment later, though it was just as cold as it. Cassius had followed her up at a rather more leisurely pace, seeing no need to rush. What she didn’t know is how he had stood for a moment, at the top of the crumbling stairs, and simply watched her for a moment, the raw almost fierce joy she was taking in the view, the world.

On the walk back to school, it started raining. Heavy, thick drops. The wind caught them and added to their power, drenching them both within minutes. They would get back to school and Catherine would lead him to her room, dry each other with warm towels, cocoon themselves in her repaired sanctuary.

This would happen forever, over and over, a hundred small details changing, but the essentials staying the same. The sea, the school, Cassius and Cathy.

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The rose realises it is an instrument of war

Grace did not know she was beautiful. This was obvious. The way she moved and talked and laughed betrayed the fact that she clearly held very little thought about how she looked at all. Other girls knew they had to perform for their keep - be it the glossy lips of the popular girls or the smudged eyeliner of the goths, even the neon stripes that daubed the cheeks of Klub Kids. It marked her out without drawing attention to what exactly it was that was different.

Of course boys responded to it. They coveted the thing that they could change. They could be the one to tell her she was beautiful, be the one to make her realise what girlhood meant in this world. Kiss her, covet her, leave their mark upon her in a way they could not with girls who walked in society. The entire fantasy would be ruined if she knew how she was. She had to stick to her lines and stick to her role, the Rapunzel in need of saving, the princess marrying the pauper. They thought that because she could not pretend, what they saw was what they got. They liked what they saw. Who wouldn’t?

They didn’t see her down in the tunnels. Her chest fluttering as she breathed in shallow, poisoned breaths. The thrum of her heart that was balancing on the impossible line of fearful and excited. The red flush in her cheeks, the glitter in her eyes, the surety that held her up when her spine would not. She had wrapped the necklace so tightly in her hand the chain left red welts in her otherwise unblemished skin. Dirt and sludge and gore had touched her shoes, her socks, one hand almost black from trailing it along the corrupted wall.

They didn’t see the new mask she carved out for herself. Of blood and ash and paint, found, not made. The voice of a god that echoed in her head. No, she was not herself. She was something better. A vessel, a hand, an extension. Why would she choose to be herself when she could be so much more? Not a girl, not a child, not anything people were so quick to decide on for her. Not something so easily swayed or marked or claimed. She still didn’t know she was beautiful. She also didn’t know she was frightening.

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you promised you’d keep my secret

you’re at a girl’s house and she’s put a red scarf over the lampshade. everything is rose and you can’t figure out if it’s meant to be romantic or if you’re reading too much into things. her room is nicer than yours, she had a dresser, a real adult one with an oval mirror and you suspect it is filled with make up. you don’t know how to put anything more than mascara on but she does. she manages to make herself like a doll every day, porcelain, precious. but not today. because it’s just you two. no school, no boys, no more-popular-than-you-girls. so her lips are pink not red, her eyebrows a little too fair and you can see her freckles. you love her best like this. silly, young, unpainted? maybe. you do love her when you sit on the edge of the swimming pool and she comes up for air, brown hair slicking to her skin like a selkie. or when she’s been running, her cheeks red and sweaty, chest heaving. you think it’s probably more because you’re alone.

she’s more herself when it’s the two of you. you don’t begrudge her this. being a teenager is hard. it never really occurs to you that you’re a teenager too. you excuse the others as if from a great distance away, your own childhood safely tucked away, happening where you can’t even see it.

anyway, you love her best when you’re alone. when she shares her white earphones with you and you singalong. when you babysit her little sister, excited at the chance to sleep in the living room with the leather sofas and big tv and close to the kitchen. when she talks about manga. when she lies beside you and you don’t dare to touch her. you worry she can hear your heart, that the whole city can. she can’t. never did, never does. this love you carry if not to your grave, your adulthood, which is basically the same thing. you never tell her. even when you’ve been enmeshed in your own lives long enough it would be a cute anecdote, something you could laugh about. you don’t want to laugh about it. fourteen year old you did not cherish many things but they cherished this. you want to keep it. let yourself have this one thing. let yourself love, never mocked, never the opportunity for the air to get in and rot it. you don’t talk anymore. which is fine, really. time and distance prised you apart. the memory got to stay. now when you think of her, you still get to hear the echoes of your heart. _____________________________________________________________

It’s your legacy but never open it

My mother killed herself when I was nine. I was diagnosed with depression when I was eleven. i never got the chance to ask her when she realised she was batshit, but i suspect it would have been around the same time. I don’t trust our family’s hormones, almost as much as i don’t trust our genes. We have what medical forms call ‘hereditary risk’ and what I call ‘prior form’. My family tree is a litany of a therapist’s wet dream. Uncle Henry who stepped in front of a moving car, breaking one leg and fracturing three ribs. He said the idea just popped into his head and he couldn’t think of a decent reason why he shouldn’t. So he did. Third cousin Edith who eat only plaster and brick dust for two months. Grandma Elizabeth who frequently spoke to fairies, leftovers from her childhood that never went away. You get the picture. After what happened to mum everyone had their eye on me and it turned out they were right to. My father caught it early. An alarmingly sane man, he was put on high alert when she passed. My brother seemed to get through it all alright but I became ‘unnatural’ in Grandma Elizabeth’s words. Granted, she thought I might be a changeling but she wasn’t wrong. It crept up slowly, like ivy smothering a tree. One day, the world was dark. Luckily, the reason why was instantly within reach, instantly understandable through a lens of chemicals and analysed childhood trauma. It surprised nobody, not even myself. It was then when I really considered opening it I suppose. No, not a vein, haha, very funny. The letter. I’m not sure I mentioned but I was the one to find my mother’s body. I wouldn’t have, had I not had a falling out with my then-best friend and stomped the great distance of ‘three doors down’ to cut our playdate short. I shall spare you the details. The important thing is that there were two letters by her body. One addressed to my father and one addressed to me. In an act of canniness I can’t really explain all these years on, I shoved the one addressed to me down my shirt. It crinkled next to my skin reassuringly. I kept it there even as I walked down the hallway and back out the front door to start screaming. Since then it became a talisman of sorts. I kept it inside my pillowcase, carefully removed during laundry days. I never read it. Her last words to me were in there, tucked up tight. If I didn’t read it, I could imagine what it said. Most days I imagined gothic heroinesque plight, pages and pages of soliques on the futility of life and how she thought she was doing the right thing by dying. Other days, when I was less generous, I believed it could be a plea for my forgiveness, which I could grant or not grant as I saw fit. After I got diagnosed, pills rattling inside me, I fancied it was a heads up about the entire affair, a last ditch effort to warn me of the misery still to come. i liked that thought. It made my depression another line tethering me to her. As I grew up those threads were harder and harder to find. My father eventually managed to heal from his grief and fill the family house with other joys (mostly poor carpentry). My brother could barely remember her. My other relatives mostly tutted before going on to eagerly inform me about whatever newest development had happened on our magical tour of psychiatry that was all family reunions. I did not particularly look like her but at least I could be mad like her. Years on, I still haven’t opened it. From fear, mostly. The problem is with fantasy is that reality has to live up to it. And how is a dead woman supposed to live up to anything at all? I suspect it’s meant to be through me but I’m not up to the job. An echo will never have the same power as a new note sung. I’m not even my own disaster - I’m hers, a generation later. I don’t know how to fuck up uniquely. Perhaps I can fool myself, if I never read this. I can pretend her shadow is my own.

_____________________________________________________________

one by one, the lights went out

She wasn’t sure when Thiel left her. At some point she simply noticed that it was her, Blaine’s body and IT. Apparently sensing her intent not to move, the corridors leading away from the centre had flickered out, one by one, until this room was all that was left, dim and wanting. Careful not to jostle Blaine’s head which was resting on her lap, Grace’s hands moved up to her necklace. It rattled softly as she undid it, the gold chain pooling in her palm. She tossed it to the side as if it was simply a piece of trash. What did she need it for now? For the first time, she noticed her shadow was odd. It pooled around her, matching the pool of blood from Blaine and from her own head that surrounded her. Shadows and blood. It’s what everything came down to. IT was still on the ceiling, watching her carefully. She had done everything it had wanted. It had been her that killed Blaine, her that tipped him over and cracked his head open. She had finally managed a sacrifice.

She felt the dark wrap around her, in comfort or possession she wasn’t sure. Unlike Alex or Lucas, she hadn’t been promised or blackmailed. She hadn’t been threatened with reward or punishment. Which meant there was no script for this bit. No dynamic for her and IT. She suspected that nobody in the Church had managed to get this close. There was only her, high priestess and now, resident to the dark. She wouldn’t be leaving. The only way she could stay upright, not lose her mind from grief or terror was by staying with IT. The only thing alive that still loved her.

She leaned into the dark, closing her eyes, feeling the pain in her head, her hands, her thighs. This place had two things in abundance - peace and pain. She didn’t know which she needed more. Maybe she never would. But here she didn’t have to make a decision. Here, in her cage of many rooms, she was safe.

_____________________________________________________________

City of Sirens - Cassiopia

Nobody fucked with her, right? She was the girlfriend of an Olympian, so tough she could break teeth, so angry she could break glass. She wore leather, she shot straight and she never met a drink she didn’t like. She had scars in six different places and she was pretty sure there was still shrapnel in her shoulder.

She was still frightened of Zeus. She understood wild, she understood power and she understood teeth and fighting and clawing to the top. She looked at the perfectly groomed man in the suit and could not reconcile it with all the things she knew he had done. He was a monster but a hidden one. He smiled with warmth, not just to flash his teeth. He always said the right thing. He had a firm handshake and nobody saw the trail of bodies behind him.

Almost as bad was his wife. Once, Zeus had flirted with her, despite her being Artemis’s. He had put a hand on her elbow, leaned in and said something heavy with meaning. In that moment, it wasn’t him she was afraid of. She knew what Hera did to the women Zeus took a liking to.

At the party, she was hypnotic. Her beauty was as if it had been carved from glass, her delicacy and the way she held Zeus perfectly as if she was always posing for a portrait. Which she was of course. The Family liked portraits. Cass had watched Artemis pose for a hundred of the damn things. She knew she wasn’t going to last when she didn’t appear in a single one. Enjoy it while she could. Take everything she wanted. Cut and run before the piano hit.

___________________________________________________________

Spell jars

He should have guessed a witch had moved in. The forgotten back garden, overgrown and wild was slowly being tamed. But not in the fussy, prescribed way so many of the terraces around here opted for, all fences and peonies, blue slug pellets sprinkled like confetti. Here, there was a section right in the middle, left uncut but scattered with wildflower seeds. The left side of the garden was pulled up, little labels stuck on popsicle sticks, stating what herbs, vegetables and whatever else she was growing. The right side was trimmed and left plain, for reasons that mystified him.

Oh well, he thought. He didn’t pretend to understand the whims of humans. He could see no anti-mole sentiment in her gardening ideology so resolved to continue his comfortable existence in the soil beneath the garden. It was not a hard choice to make. He was naturally inclined towards peace.

It was a Tuesday when he encountered the first. Right side of the garden, about three foot down. It wasn’t large. He could hold it in his two paws. It was a small, clear jar with a cork in the top. Inside there were shredded leaves, a few small stones that were pink in colour, what appeared to be ash and a small slip of paper, rolled up tight. He couldn’t help it - his mole nose twitched, trying to figure out if the leaves were tasty or not-tasty. The cork prevented the scent reaching even his most delicate nose. With his sharp little teeth and a lot of determination, he uncorked it.

There was a pop, a flash and a fizzle. The scent of citrus filled the small alcove he had carved out. But it was more than that. Something else had come out of the jar. A feeling of warmth filled him from nose to tail, making him shiver with pleasure. It felt like every summer day he had ever loved - not just in sensation. His mood lifted too, every worry and care melting away like butter on toast. He thoughtfully chewed one of the leaves (orange), lost in the simple feeling of enjoyment and brightness that dazzled.

He was not a stupid mole. He knew that clearly the jar had done something, something unexplainable. He knew the new lady of the house or perhaps another human had buried it. He knew he probably wasn’t supposed to find it (humans rarely factor in moles into their plans, unless they were his nemesis, farmers). He also knew that this was a wonderful experience and one he was interested in replicating.

From then on, he opened every jar his grubby pars could land on. Some were tiny vials, some were mason jars that he had to use his entire body to open. Once he had to bite through the safety seal, startling himself with the metallic crunch as it popped. He felt something different every time. In one instance, he was filled with so much confidence, he hissed at a fox that came snuffling around one of his hills. Another made calm wash over him like cool water. Not all of them were so pleasant. Rage occured, impotent and burning. He simmered in his set for a week before he could talk to any of his extended family or even his hedgehog friend. He wept once for two hours, his mostly-sightless eyes filled with tears. He kept taking them though, hoarding the opened jars in a room he had dug especially. He was becoming a mole of the world, collecting experiences without ever leaving his beloved garden. He understood a little more what it was like to be human and what the woman in the big house above was going through.

So he made a jar for her, to repay her for all she had given him without ever knowing it. The first layer was dirt from where the most worms lived - for nutrients and growth. Then dandelion roots, shredded thin so she would always survive. Lastly, his precious apple seed, lovingly sealed in the jar, cork forced in clumsily. He left it on her doorstep in the dead of night, under the full moon (this was when her jars usually appeared so he supposed it was correct). He wouldn’t get to see her open it. But then, she never saw him open hers. It seemed fair somehow. As above, so below, in all things. He slept soundly that night, surrounded by glass and treasure.

#prose #short stories #writing #story

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willreadforbooze · 5 years ago

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Hey everyone!!

Hope you guys had a great week! We are all convinced its still March. K? k.

Can y’all believe it’s May!? Work is about to be crazy busy for me these next few weeks, so we’ll see how much reading I get done.

I’m also your host over on the @willread4booze Twitter account this week

What Minda is reading now:

The Jewel Thief by Jeannie Mobley – Slow-burn romance set in 17th C France centered around the missing Hope Diamond. The supposed jewel thief’s confession will mean her life or death—and maybe her heartbreak.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire – Second in the Wayward Children series with the twins, Jack & Jill, in the high logic, high wicked world. I think this might be a prequel? Listening on audio.

What Minda finished:

Red Hood by Elana K. Arnold – A twisted retelling of little red riding hood that does not shy away from the reality of womanhood, to say the least. It’s very pro-woman and I liked it, but I can see this as being controversial.

Sam’s Update

We’ve reached the point of quarantine where I can feel the breakdown about to happen. I need other humans… I did read a fair bit though…

What Sam Finished:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir: I thought this was a fantasy… i was wrong.. it’s a true sci-fi and fantasy. Basically Gideon is blackmailed into being the personal guard to her childhood tormentor and literal garbage person while she competes to become immortal. They are also literal necromancers. There are nine houses and people keep dying. Gideon is also hilarious. I can’t say too much more about my thoughts because this is the book club book for this month.

The Merciful Crow by Margaret Owen: This is a really weird story. The main character is being groomed to be chief of her Crow… clan? i guess? and basically they go to all the towns to collect people who’ve died from the plague. She makes this oath with the crown prince to take him to his allies in exchange for security for her people. This was… ok. I won’t be continuing with the series. Not worth it, really.

What Sam is Currently Reading:

Upon A Burning Throne by Ashok K. Banker: I’m reading this for Tome Topple. I am like 40 pages in but it’s gonna be great, I can tell.

Ember Queen by Laura Sebastian: This is the last and final book in the Ash Princess series. I can’t say too much about what this book is about because spoilers, but this was one of the only YA fantasy trilogies I actually enjoyed. It broke a bunch of the stereotypes that I was sure there was gonna be.

Ginny’s Update

I managed to get through a few books this week and it’s very strange to actually say that. Some of it is that I just buckled down and got some stuff read. But hey, who cares how it happened, the important thing is that it happened.

Finished:

Ayesha at Last by Uzma Jalaluddin: this book was a gosh darned delight. There were a few similarities with Pride and Prejudice (only towards the end) but I really enjoyed the push and pull between the main characters where religion and culture and values intersected. I found some of the characters frustrating at times (and I think one of the back plotlines could have been handled a little better) but every character flaw was there to allow for growth, which was a lot of fun.

Superman Smashes the Klan by Gene Luen Yang, Guirihiru: I apologize if I got the author name wrong. This is a graphic novel and we received an ARC, which means half of the art was unfinished. But this book kind of embodied the great things about Superman going back to it’s roots. This book focuses on a Superman who hasn’t come into his own completely, but still stands for what is right and the little guys. This book follows an Asian family who has just moved out of Chinatown, and deals with the racism at the time.

Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn: I’m probably going to end up writing a review for this. I had been looking forward to this book for a while so I was really excited to finally get it. A hand-letterer writes a code into a man’s wedding invite that the relationship is doomed to fail. He’s a (kind of on-theme) Mr. Darcy-esque character in that he just has trouble talking to people.

The Extraordinaries by TJ Klune: I may have already written the review for this one… This was an ARC from, I think, ALA. The book follows Nick and his friends who live in a world with superheroes. Nick is OBSESSED with one of the superheroes and ends up actually running into them during an attempted robbery (he was being mugged) which sets off A LOT of plot.

Currently Reading:

A Lady Awakened by Cecilia Grant: This book is a soap opera. Martha is recently widowed and only inherits from her husband if she has an heir. She doesn’t, but talks a rogue-ish neighbor into sleeping with her every day for a month to try to fake an heir. She’s also pretty darn prude. It’s fun.

Forbidden Promises by Synithia Williams: This is also a soap opera but more on person. The Robideux’s are a wealthy tobacco-empire family. The youngest daughter has spent years away after the guy she was in love with married (and then divorced) her sister. There’s still plenty of chemistry. I’m not certain how much I care yet, mostly because rich people having rich people problems partially because of a shitty patriarch forcing the family to conform might not be my fav. I’m still willing to give it a chance, but we’ll see how this one goes.

Minda’s Update

It’s Minda’s first Mother’s Day so she gets a break 😉 HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MINDA!!!

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, and Minda

Weekly Wrap-Up: May 4 – 10, 2020 Hey everyone!! Hope you guys had a great week! We are all convinced its still March. K?

#Wrap Up

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