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jstmymagination · 4 years ago

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I love the BDB novels and after re-reading some of my favorites this story came to mind. Actually it’s been stuck in my head for a while now so I decided to put it on paper. this is what happens when I’m bored Disclaimer: I am not a professional writer and this is in no way related to the Wardens work so there will be PLENTY of grammatical errors😁 enjoy.

The Scribe Virgins Private Sanctuary

“You can’t let the warrior take him” you have witnessed what goes on at those “training camps” he is just a mere babe. I made a vow with Bloodletter and I intend on honoring it. The child will be trained to be a fighter and protector, he will not be just any soldier. You don’t believe that to be true, for surely if you did I wouldn’t be able to see the sorrow in your eyes every time you look upon your son. Young one you would be wise to guard your tongue with me as you are under MY protection. I know the value you hold but I will not tolerate disobedience. My male young came into the world with a piece of me that I can not take back this you well know. Even at this young age, he is much stronger than any opponent that may dare to cross his path and this includes his sire the Bloodletter. Over time he will become what he is meant to be... Pea looked up without hesitation and asked what’s that? a “Brother”

Pea looked back down at the 2 twin babes they were identical in every way same dark hair with a slight wave at the tips, same diamond eyes that sorta changed color when either of them became frustrated, and the same special glow from their mahmen. I hope that you are correct.

I have made up my mind... I will take my leave from your sanctuary when you deliver the baby Vishous to the Bloodletter. I have been hidden away here long enough and like your babes, I too can take care of myself. Many years have passed since the war has started and I would like to move on. I know now that I am alone and I would like to start life anew.

The Scribe Virgin slowly turned to face the young woman that stood before her. “And what of your duty, to the race and your people?” What will you do when it is time for you to take your place? After a moment Pea simply stated on my honor as the Daughter, only child, and last surviving member of Sir Danger son of Danger highest Princeps of the last founding family. When it is time to take my place I will...without quarrel. So be it then on your honor I will grant you leave. They both knew that she only asked out of respect because if she wanted to go, there is nothing the Scribe Virgin could have done to stop her. Pea was growing stronger and confident by the minute thanks to the Scribe Virgins father. He seemed to have taken a liking to the female. On the evening he delivered her to the Scribe Virgin she couldn’t help but ask him why? Why her? and his response was “she is but one half of the whole”

Present Day Caldwell New York Havers Clinic

Yes ma’am Mrs. Sherman the young looks well. As he moved the instrument around to get a better look at the babe growing in her belly. Havers has been in practice for so long that his Q & A segments with patients were always patterned the same. As long as he didn’t hear any dangerous words he kept the appointments moving along smoothly.

And how has your appetite been now that you moved into your second trimester?? No more nausea... good Any concerns? .... good

We have a while before we can determine the baby's sex as you know these things take time. Seeing as how vampires are pregnant for nearly a year the babies develop all organs at a much slower pace. Well, Mr. & Mrs. Sherman keep up the good work and we will see you back here in 6 weeks. Julie my nurse will take care of you from here. Havers pushed his glasses up on his nose finished his charting and quickly removed himself from the room. After checking in with the nurses' station he went to the next patient which was pre trans male with a broken leg. He never understood the fascination young people had with ATVs and dirt bikes. Why would anyone want to get on a motorized 2 wheeler and ride through the woods? One slight move in the wrong direction and a person instantly became air-born. Anyway, this was his workday one patient after another. Havers is the race's only physician in the Caldwell area, and because of this, his patient load is three times as large. The patients normally start arriving at sundown, they would check in with his nurse Julie then wait to be seen. For the most part, his evenings went pretty smoothly, Julie kept him on a tight schedule. He started the evening by doing his rounds at the clinic. This included following up with any patient that he felt the need to keep overnight. After that he started taking his scheduled appointments for the evening, these could range anywhere from a prenatal appointment to a pre-trans physical. He was normally with a patient for no more than ten minutes then it was on to the next one. However lately he was having an influx of attacked patients come in that needed emergency medical attention. For the past month, Havers was in the OR at least twice per week. Due to the nature of the injury, each time the surgeries were getting more and more invasive. When this happens then his appointments are pushed back or either rescheduled which is something he or Julie liked doing. Particularly because his patients already have a two months wait to be seen in the first place. This is why he recently started doing home visits, mainly for his elderly patients. He didn’t want them to take any chances coming into the office for an appointment and then not being able to be seen because of an emergency. So during his scheduled “lunch break” he would leave the clinic to make his house calls. Havers enjoyed this change in his schedule because it allowed him to leave for a little bit so he could breathe some different air.

Black Dagger Brotherhood Mansion

Lassiter!! I am not watching The Bold and the Beautiful, I don’t care how many times Brooke kisses another man or Ridge falls in love with the new girl. Those two always end up back together. You are correct my dear comrade, Lassiter said to Vishous but isn’t all the drama worth it?! The back and forth, love/ hate... that is what makes us tune in every day. Vishous threw him a sideye and said no it’s what makes YOU tune in. Okay V. Shouldn’t you be getting some R&R for your shift tonight? Shouldn’t you be up top tending to things?? Lassiter sporting a wide grin... shot back yeah I should be but they don’t have WiFi and Roku sticks up there so alas I’m here with you. Just as the theme music was starting....V poured a glass of goose and then walked out. Lassiter smirked and thought to himself sometimes it’s the small victories.

After leaving Lassiter... V passed through the kitchen where the doggen was prepping for the first meal. Looks like someone put in a request for Fritz’s famous French Toast casserole with Maple pecan topping. if V had to guess he would say Rhage that male was born with one heck of an appetite. Not to mention he has the inner beast so it’s kinda like he’s eating for 2? Anyway, the smell of it is always amazing something about pecans, vanilla beans, and maple.. you just can’t go wrong. Once he got down into the tunnel he decided to swing by the MD office suites Jane his Shellen had been in surgery alongside the brotherhood's other private surgeon Manny, who also happened to be V’s twin sister Payne’s Hellren, for 5 hours.

As protectors of the race, they were always in constant battle, and sometimes things got pretty nasty in the field. Last evening one of the recruits got into a nasty pack of evil vampires and although he survived he was shot in his top right femur, his stomach, and took a nasty blade to ribs. The surgery was a success because let’s face it his Shellen and her colleague are pretty godman amazing at what they do.

“Jane”, yes she says as she looks up from her charting with a smile. I stopped by on my way to the pit to see what’s doing? Nothing much Yogi is stable and after he awakes we will have a Chosen come to feed him. V loved to hear his Shellen speak with authority it was the biggest turn-on for him, actually thinking back he heard her voice before he even saw her face. She had been his surgeon when he got shot in the chest and landed in a human hospital, he knew she was meant to be his from the very first moment he heard her voice. After catching up with Jane and kissing her good day. V finally landed in the Pit.. the home he shared with best friend Butch and his wife Marissa. Butch’s bonding scent was thick in the air which only meant one thing. He and Marissa have either just started and we’re close to finishing their mid-morning sexcapade. A male Vampire bonding scent is meant to be a warning to other male vampires that this female is spoken for. After checking the security system at his control center, V checked the time which was after 2 pm he could get in a few more hours of sleep before it was time to start the day.

Que is a full-time manager at the TOP HE4VY boutique in the downtown fashion district of Caldwell. Since he was able to dress, he’s been known for his style and edgy fashion sense. Que took a liking to fashion more than anything else because it allowed him to express his artistic side. So naturally, when the word got out that an exclusive boutique-like Top Heavy was coming to Caldwell he was the first to apply. The interview went nothing like he expected, first of all, he met with the owner, Pea, at Starbucks!... of course she Insisted on him ordering a drink. He ordered Venti Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino with soy milk and whip cream. And she ordered a grande Chai Tea Latte soy no water extra hot. Que remembered everything about their first meeting because Pea had been so easy to talk too and homegirl was dressed to perfection. Lavender Chanel cashmere v neck sweater paired with fitted distressed BKE denim jeans, lavender Louboutins, and of course the ensemble was topped off with a lavender Birkin bag. Not to mention she was a full-figured woman... Pea had the kind of breast that every woman wanted to fill her bra and every man wanted to feel in his bed. She also had been blessed with hips, thighs, and just enough booty to fill in the back pockets of her fitted jeans. He loved everything about her. After she hired him then he recommended Samantha the first-generation full-time college student. Samantha only worked part-time hours due to her school schedule. She picked up shifts between her classes and on weekends. Pea was always very careful not to give her too many hours because she wanted Samantha to know that school was the priority. She also told her if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to ask. They both knew that when Pea said anything she was referring to money but she respected Samantha enough not to come right out and say it. The three of them had a great work relationship and became friends immediately. They looked up to Pea like a big sister and she embraced it. They became them on little family, so naturally, when she called Que at 7 am and asked if he would mind opening up the boutique in her place this morning, he didn’t give it a second thought. Thank you for shopping with us today Que said to the young lady that purchased the last black moto leather jacket. Nice commission off of that one he thought. $2500 jacket and I get 15% of the sale, I will take it. And when will you be getting in the matching boots for these the young lady asked? I will have to get with my boss and she can call you when they come in? Perfect... May I have your number? Que asked The lady answered quickly... I will just stop back by some time next week no rush. She took the new jacket and left the store. Shortly after that Pea came into work, this was late in the day for her. She normally was an early bird.

Hi guys, how has business been today? Not bad, both Que and Samantha answered in unison. Good, thanks for an opening for me I woke up with a migraine this morning and I couldn’t shake darn thing. If you guys want we can go out for drinks after work or lunch can be on me today... your choice. Both agreed to lunch on the next shift. Samantha was bogged down with term papers that were coming due and Que had already made plans after work. I see we sold the moto jacket I’m happy about that... I thought that thing was gonna be here forever. The lady that purchased also asked about the matching biker boots? Do you think we can get those? I have to check with the manufacturer. We might as well bring the lime green monster out of the stock room and put it on display in the front window. Maybe someone will buy the hideous thing. Samantha went to the back stock room and pick up the lime green and black moto jacket. The colors on the things were so loud that they all referred to it as the Incredible Hulk jacket. Every month her manufacturer sent a “hot item” to all of the buyers as a preview of the next season's trends. When Pea unboxed it her first thoughts were no one on this earth is going to want to purchase a lime green and black rhinestone-studded leather moto jacket. So she just kept it hung up in the back of the stock room. Are you sure you want to hang this in our window? Que asked before he took it from Samantha. Yes, you never know that jacket could be perfect for someone. Later that evening after Pea closed the boutique she headed down to the Nells Social Lounge. It was located off of Trade street which was only minutes from her shop. She liked going to this place for 3 reasons 1. the age limit was 30 and up so she didn’t have to worry about hanging out with children 2. the atmosphere was 90’s ...the music was always a mix of R&B and hip hop..not this new school mess that's streaming everywhere you turn now. And 3. They have the best-fried chicken sandwich In Caldwell. Always hot And crispy with just the right amount of seasoning. It was served on 2 pieces of “light bread” as the owner called it covered with Duke's mayo... a piece of iceberg lettuce and thinly sliced tomato. Just thinking about it made Peas mouth water.

Jace, the bouncer/doorman greeted her as she walked in. Jace had to be about 6ft 4in with a deep voice and muscular build. His eyes were dark brown almost black even and he sported a thick beard, like cotton but he always kept it neatly groomed. Same with his hair which was also long and thick, and always kept in a ponytail braided to the back. He was always polite when Pea was around but you could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t with the bullshit. Hey young lady... we haven’t seen you in a while. I know... I’ve been trying to keep up with work you know that fashion & time stops for no one. Pea slowly walked into the bar she waved hello to Nell the owner & bartender. I will have Peach Crown in the rocks. Sure thing and would you like for me to put in an order of the usual for ya as well? Yes ma’am. While she was sipping her drink the DJ played The Dream ft. Fabulous - Shawty is a 10. This was his not-so-subtle way of flirting. And just like the clockwork, he arrived on her right side. When are you going to let me take you out? Well hello, you too... I’m sorry. I’m just not ready to date yet. Man, this guy must have done a number on your heart. I promise if you give me a chance I will take better care of it and you too. I am completely flattered but make no mistake I can take of myself. I’ve been doing it for quite some time now. How about this, when if ever I get back around to dating ...DJ AK you will be the first to know. He hesitantly accepted Pea's letdown and slowly retreated to his DJ booth. The sad part is that she could sense he was a great guy with a lot of potentials. Pea had made a habit of NOT using her senses to peek into anyone’s thoughts she always that the whole thing was just too damn intrusive however the guy had been so persistent and a total gentleman so she became curious. Honestly, the only reason she turned him down was for his protection and safety. Even though she looked and played the part of a human well. She knew that there was so much more to her that he could not find out.

After two more drinks, Pea paid the check took her chicken sandwich, and headed home. When she moved to Caldwell instantly she felt at home so the first thing she did was locate a realtor to help her find a fixer-upper on the nice side of town. Pea arrived at her home on Wallace avenue she hit the garage opener pulled her Bentley Bentayga inside and then hit the button again to close the door. Pea got out went up the stairs to the door that let her into her kitchen. After she let herself in the house then changed into her comfy spandex tights and over Sized T-shirt. Then she put the tv on to Food Network, sat down in her favorite chair with her chicken sandwich. There was a Kitchen marathon running which was a perfect way to close out the day.

Tonight I want everyone in pairs of three, it seems that our enemies are traveling in packs now. We will need to do the same. Thorment the has already released the schedules we will patrol starting with the center of town then work our way towards the outskirts. Don’t attempt to a fucking hero if you come across something that looks suspicious. Radio it in and wait on backup. After a couple of other points were made the meeting was over. Lassiter sat in on the meetings it was an unspoken duty of his. He knew that his role was to run point guard between everyone on duty. And with him spotting Devina he needed to be on his toes. He had been trying to locate her ever since the night he saw her in that wedding gown hovering over the bridge. First of all how tacky was the whole act... a wedding dress. Devina in white... Gimmie a fucking break. And after last night's disaster, he felt like she was toying with him. Yogi had been out of training for some time so he knew the proper protocol. He said that everything happens so quickly .. it was like the enemy could read his thoughts. He was in pretty bad shape by the time his help arrived. For some reason, he was in Lassiter's blind spot which again was odd because seeing all and knowing all was kinda his thing. By the time Zadist and Phury made it to him, he has suffered a gunshot and a stabbing. Good thing Manny has the RV in the field full time now because he was able to begin working on Yogi immediately. Lassiter rode in the RV back to the compound and waited on Yogi to come out of surgery before he went to his private sanctuary. He needed to recharge his battery so to speak and he also wanted to check on things up top. Lassiter was by no means hard-ass but he knew the importance of showing his face. Upon arriving he entered his room and headed straight for the shower. After shampooing his hair and scrubbing himself clean he emerges from the shower in his favorite pink feathered robe. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of how was going to assist the brotherhood with defeating Devina. He walked over to the stack of journals left to him by his predecessor and picked up the story of Charm. He didn’t particularly care for reading all of this stuff because it was all quite boring and repetitive. Also, let’s face it for the first few journals all the stories ended the same way. The war began and the Omega army wiped out entire first families. Either 1 survived to tell the story or none survived in which case the journal was incomplete ... This part of the job was just downright depressing but it was the history of the brotherhood and how it all came to be. Lassiter thought to himself... what I wouldn’t give for this to be a movie or even a soap opera that way I can just tune it every day. He tossed the journal back on top of the stack and wouldn’t you know it.. the journal didn’t land evenly which cause them all to fall over on the floor. Great!! Another mess for me to clean up. He walked over to the mess and started picking them up and restacking them. When he got down to the bottom of the pile there was a small piece of paper with an address written on it 311 Redd Ave/Fashion District..... Now, why would the Scribe Virgin have this address tucked away? He looked down at the 3 remaining books he had left to stack and wondered which one the address fell out of? Oh well finding this address is worth a trip to the city.... but first, he would need to pay a visit to Brother Vishous to get some plastic capital. After all, angels didn’t need to carry cash around. Lassiter touched back down to the mansion as the sun was setting, time to find the big guy. He knocked on the door to the pit before he entered. Vishous was sitting behind his command center reviewing security footage. Hello.. you are just the man I was looking for. Vishous responded without looking up from the screen, I can assure you that I am most certainly NOT the man you are looking for. Oh come on, I need a favor. Vishous looked up from the screen, you need a favor from me? Yes, that’s correct, I Lassiter need a favor fro you Vishous. If I grant you this “favor” what's in it for me? I will owe you one, one great big-ass favor. Anything of my choice. Lassiter nodded his head as long as it’s within my power ask and it will be yours. Vishous said deal.

Lassiter materialized downtown a few blocks from REDD AVE. This was the entrance into the fashion district a bunch of boutiques and stores that thrived on Haute fashion. This is a place where it was normal to walk past a guy dressed in designer from head to toe. Tom Ford is not just a label but a way of life for this block. Anyway, a few of the shops he approached didn’t have anything that interested him, he could tell just by looking through the windows. He walked to the end of the block then crossed over onto REDD Ave. halfway down the block, Lassiter spotted THE most stunning piece of clothing he had ever seen. It was a half lime green and half black leather MOTO Jacket!! The jacket was accented with black and lime green zippers that were completely covered in black and lime green rhinestone. He immediately looked at the name of the store which was Top He4vy. A store with this kind of unique fashion is something he needed to remember.. and well, well, well what do ya know the address plate on the building is 311 Redd Ave.

Hello, Welcome to Top He4vy Boutique!! I’m Que let me know if I can be of assistance with anything. He was greeted by a tall slender guy earlier ’20s. Muscular build very neat clean face I guess he would be considered a pretty boy. He puts you in the mind of a young man that might have pledged in one of those fraternities that have a STROLL!! Hi! I saw this masterpiece of a jacket in the window. Sure, let me grab that for you... you know you can’t go wrong with a good leather moto jacket. Que removed the jacket from the model and handed it to Lassiter while leading him over to one of the floating mirrors in the store. Looks good on you...

You know we have the matching boots as well. Would you like to see them? Sure... just then the door to the boutique opened again and 2 young ladies entered one blond and one strawberry blond. Both carrying several bags all designer of course. Welcome to Too Heavy Boutique, I’m Que let me know if you need anything. Sir let me grab those boots from the back for you... what size did you need? 11 D if you have it. Que went to the back of the store where the overstock was he stuck his head inside of Peas’ office to see if she was done with the conference call that she had been on with the distributor. He threw up his hand to wave and grab her attention. Pea responded I’m off the call, what’s up? You will never guess... there is a guy out here who is interested in buying the lime green Moto?! Que was trying to hold back the giggles... I think he may be in some kinda band... he has ALOT piercing and black/ blond hair. Very retro 80’s vibe. Well in that case let me take a peek at him.

They did this sort of thing a lot whenever someone eccentric and unique came into the store they both would service them. Just so they could gab about it later. Que found the boots in his size and then they both headed back out to the sales floor. The gentleman’s back was to the both of them as he was still admiring himself in the mirror. Excuse me sir here is that 11D for you and I would also like to introduce you to our store manager. Lassiter turned around to take the shoe and went completely into shock. Standing beside the young sales associate was a whole new set of problems.

Pea was completely dumbfounded as she reached out to shake his hand. She knew exactly what he was and by the looks on his face, he had to know about her. They both were not the humans that they appeared to be. Hi! She said in a shaky voice so I see you like the Moto jacket trying to keep a smile on her face. Lassiter cleared his throat and responded yes.... yes I do. Que broke up the awkward moment by inserting the boots. Before he could say anything one of the young ladies began pointing at a dress that was hanging too high for her to reach. Que why don’t you go help them out and I will finish up here. Sure thing.

Lassiter took the boots and headed over to one of the benches. Do you want to go first or should I? You go Pea responded. Okay very well then, my name is Lassiter and I’m a guardian of sorts. Of sorts?! Pea responded Yea ma’am... I may not carry out my tasks in the traditional sense but I am known for getting the job done. How did you find me? Pea asked. I didn’t, this address was in the book left to me by my predecessor. Um huh... so when you say left to you. Does that mean your predecessor is no longer around? I wouldn’t say that she’s always around but she is not on shall we say “ on duty” anymore. Pea saw Que looking back over in their direction so she quickly smiled and nodded toward the boots “ how’s the fit?”

Lassiter looked down and said good I will take them both. Perfect, let’s get you checked out. Que, he’s gonna take them both may you start ringing him up. After Lassiter removes the jacket and boots and fixed his clothes he walked over to the register. Que rang him up... he handed over the black Amex that V gave him along with the matching fake id. Thank you for shopping with us today Mr. Logan and please come back. Lassiter said thank you and headed towards the exit. Satisfied with his sale Que walked back to 2 young ladies. Aah Que I’m going to head over to Starbucks my latte is cold... do you want anything? No, I’m good. Hold down the fort.

Lassiter was already out of the store and waiting on Pea off to the side of the building. They casually walked toward Starbucks as if it were an accident that they bumped into each other again. Okay, I have questions Lassiter stated... Shoot... who are you?! And why are you in downtown Caldwell? Why was this address in a journal left to me? How long have you been here? And am I supposed to be helping you or should you help me? I’m so confused right now. With a giggle, Pea turned and said wow you weren’t kidding with the questions. As they approached Starbucks Pea stopped and turned to Lassiter “Before I start answering all your questions I have two questions for you .. who are you? where is Wrath? I am sorta a friend of Wraths. I mean the King. Wrath is the King and he is at home with Queen Beth and their son LW. Great!! Then to answer your questions I am no one of importance, I’ve been in Caldwell about a year now, and your predecessor left my address in that book so that I can help you. She started walking up towards the Starbucks entrance and Lassiter grabbed the door as they entered she asked him...do you have a cellphone, I will text you my home address and you can meet me there tonight around 8:30 pm. Lassiter gave her his number she pulled out her iPhone 12 Pro Max and sent him the address. taking out his phone to confirm 7912 Wallace Ave... Lassiter couldn’t help himself... oh you live in the snazzy part of town huh. Pea just laughed it off and said but of course. Pea got in line and Lassiter exited the building.

7 pm rolled around and Pea decided to go ahead and lock up the store for the evening. Que had done well for the day commission wise and so he was okay with it. Pea decided that since she was having company over that she would cook a meal for her guest. No doubt he would be full of questions for her and she needed to ready to answer them. Her specialty was southern food. A few decades ago she spent time traveling the south more specifically the Low Country and she just fell completely in love with the food. So the menu tonight would be Fried chicken, collard greens with smoked neckbones, mac n cheese, white pepper gravy, and white rice and cornbread muffins served with warm cane patch syrup.

She hadn’t had much of an appetite lately and her body was becoming achier. so she figured since soaking in her deep pool style tub wasn’t working as well as it once did maybe she should just do more. Because if she was being honest with herself... her schedule had become quite routine... home..work....maybe Nells lounge for drinks....and that’s it. Day in day out same thing over and over. Pea arrived home ready to cook. She took out the pots and pans, put on some of the soul music stations, and got to work in the kitchen. She did enjoy cooking there was something very cathartic about it. After everything was simmering and the fried chicken was in the oven warming Pea went downstairs to her basement bedroom and took a quick shower threw on pair of Nike tights and oversized T-shirts and headed back upstairs to await her guest. 8:30 pm on the dot Lassiter materialized on the Wallace block a few houses down from where Pea lived. He was only familiar with this side of town because the brothers Darius & Thorment both lived somewhere over in this area some time ago. He approached her house white with black shutters you could tell it had complete renovation done. The farmhouse look was nice and something you didn’t see in the city all the time. When he got on the porch he could smell the fried chicken he hit the doorbell and Pea answered right away. Hey, come on in. Did you cook? Yea I threw a little something together for us to snack on. Lassiter shrugged out of his jacket and laid it on the arm of the sofa. Pea walked into the kitchen and begin the lay the food out Buffett style Lassiter's eyes grew Bigger with each entree. Shall we eat first and then talk or vice versa? Grabbing a plate Lassiter said EAT. FIRST. Pea made a plate and knew she would have to force the food down because her appetite has been completely crap lately. After they ate dinner Lassiter took a deep breath rubbed his stomach and said I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been chosen to be the protector over the king and the brotherhood but I think I’m losing ground. Our soldiers are being placed in harm's way and this new threat to them is a real bit— beast. She has so much hate in her soul and so much control over the evil. How can I fortify these guys so that they can compete because what they have now is not enough? I need to find her weakness so that I can take her out. How do you know the evil is her? The Destroyer prophecy came to light the Omega is no more And Devina assisted with his destruction. Devina? Yes, she is The Omega’s little sister. Lassiter took a swallow of sweet tea and ran his fingers through his hair. and that’s the just of it. Pea sat for a moment then got up and begin to clear the dishes. Listen, I’m willing to help educate you about your new role and possibly find a weakness for Devina. Because one thing is for sure... the only thing that combats darkness and evil is goodness and light. I have only 2 conditions 1. We train from a neutral location because I can’t have my identity be compromised and 2. No matter what we find out after 3 weeks, I get to leave and come back to normal life. Deal? Lassiter held out his hand and said deal. We will train at the brotherhood mansion it’s secure and neutral. Brotherhood mansion? Yup everyone resides there, they have plenty of room. Okay, and what will you tell them when they ask who am I? With a smirk Lassiter responded with his best southern accent: why, You’ll be my cousin Peanut from down south. Okay... so then you pick me up here tomorrow at 8 pm. I will need to make arrangements at the store.

Pea went into the store the next day good thing she had both Samantha and Que on the schedule. She told them that she had a family emergency come up and that would be out of the office for the next few weeks. They both were responsible and she trusted them to run things accordingly. Once she got home she soaked in her tub for a good long hour trying to soothe her muscles as much as could but it wasn’t helping. So she went ahead did something she never had done before which was take ibuprofen. Hopefully, that would make the muscle aches more manageable, she got packed up for the three weeks in a big rolling suitcase, a smaller duffel bag, and her purse. At 7:58 she looked out the window and Black Cadillac Escalade ESV pulled into her driveway. The passenger side door swung open and Lassiter hopped out. Nice wheels... They aren’t mine. I caught a ride with a friend Are these all your bags? Yes.. too much? I wasn’t sure what to bring... haven’t ever done this before. You are good. Pea made sure everything was locked up tight and followed Lassiter to the SUV. While he put her bags in the back she went to the opened back door on the passenger side. How are ya? A big guy said with a thick Southie accent. I’m doing well and yourself. I’m good so you just moved here from down south? Yes, the Myrtle Beach area, and this guy here is your cousin. Yes, sir... don’t let this city scare you okay. It’s a great place to live but you have to be on your P’s & Q’s. No pun intended ...Yes sir. Butch give her a break she is not that fragile. As they pulled off slowly Pea had a gut feeling that this wasn’t going to be as easy as she had planned. After a 30 minute ride and going through a series of what had to be gates due to the stop and going Pea assumed. The windows all had those shades that came up and covered them. So she couldn’t see where she was. Lassiter turned around from the front seat and said we’re here. He hopped out and then opened her door. The brother butch went around the back grabbed Peas bags. The male was HUGE ... Pea remembered studying about the brotherhood ... they were bred to be elite, the biggest and strongest of the race. Follow me Lassiter said... let’s go inside. The word mansion didn’t do this place justice it was more like a 2 hotels and palace wrapped into one big place. We walked to the double doors and butch looked up to what Pea assumed to be was the camera because the doors opened then we entered a large vestibule where Butch repeated the same Process and then another set of doors were opened by a butler. He immediately took Peas bags from butch and said madam I will place these in your guest room. Pea dropped her head and said thank you. And as she crossed over the threshold into the foyer her joints were on fire. She knew this was a mistake. So who all lives here? before Lassiter could answer Butch started running off names. My brothers Vishous by the way he likes to be called V his sister Payne, Zadist, his twin brother Phury, Rhage, Tohrment, John Matthew, Qhuinn & Blaylock, Zcor and his crew all our Shellens and young. The Rev may stop by and oh yea the king & queen Wrath and Beth and their son.

King and Queen?! As in King Wrath son of Wrath?! Holy shit!

Pea felt like the wind had been knocked out of her... how on earth was she going to make it in this house for three weeks around so many male vampires not to mention the king himself. Come on into the game room you might as well meet everyone now. Pea slowly followed Lassiter into room where she spotted Vishous & Payne first. They both resembled their mahmen. Butch started the introductions as Pea waved hello. She was introduced to Manny Payne’s husband John Matthew, Quinn, Blaylock, Layla, and the twins. The Queen stuck her head and with cutest little fellow on her hip... he truly was the spitting image of his father. Hi Lassiters cousin correct? Yes my name is Peanut but I go by Pea Well Pea welcome to our home any family of Lassiters is family to us as well. Feel free to help yourself to anything and if you need any help don’t hesitate to reach out. This little fellow wants a snack.

Here let me show you where you will be sleeping..Lassiter escorted Pea down a hall that had enough priceless paintings and collectibles, that it could have held it on at any museum. The room that Pea would be staying in was located in the middle of hall. When Lassiter opened the door Pea went completely speechless. The room was decorated like something straight out the Biltmore mansion. Big dramatic curtains the went from the ceiling to the floor, fabric wall paper, chandelier lighting, more expensive paintings, deep custom walk in closet, bathroom with tub big enough for a few people to soak in. At least I will be comfortable, Pea thought to herself. She went and sat on the edge of the bed her joints stiffened and her stomach growled. She used the restroom washed her hands and face then clamped down on her all her instincts and walked into the hall. Lassiter went ahead and setup in sitting room off from the library. He had what appeared to be volumes of the scribe virgins journals. They chronicled the battles and enemies to the brotherhood. Starting with the first warrior. this is where I think we should start? Before Pea could answer her stomach blurred out a loud roar... I didn’t eat lunch today... can we grab something quick? Sure I will have the doggen make you something... what would you like? I can do something small maybe like a smoothie with fruit berries banana and beets..lots of beets.. Beets? Lassiter said making a yuck face First of all beets are good for you and if you roast them they get sweeter. And a turkey sandwich. The sandwich was just a decoy. She hoped the smoothie would get her though the evening.

As they began to comb through the volumes... Pea started to reminisce about the time she had spent with Annalise and her newborn twins. At that time Pea was completely lost and the world she thought she knew was snatched from under her yet again. Her young life been a constant moving circus. From pillar to post she sometimes slept in a bed and other times she found shelter in screened porch. She never kept the same ghaurdian for a long period of time because it just wasn’t safe for either of them. Sometimes she was awaken in the dead of night and was told we have to move now. There was no time to pack anything or say goodbyes to people that had been generous enough to open up their homes to her. So by the time was a teenager she really was looking and yearning for a mother figure and a home . Just her luck that she would land in the hands of a women that was all business. Even though she had two young of her own it was obvious that she had no kindness or affection to spare when it came to Pea.

The Scribe Virgin had made it clear from the very beginning that Pea was there for her protection and tutelage. Starting from her first day in the sanctuary Pea began reading the journals and committing the most important parts to memory. The information all be it very interesting just did not appeal to Pea whatsoever. But since she was in the care of the Scribe she committed all her time to studying the history so that if the Scribe ever needed her expertise on any subject she would be able to supply an answer. Now after all this time her training was finally going to be useful.

Havers had made it very clear that he was not to be disturbed for at least an hour after he made his last rounds. He blocked the same time out on his weekly schedule concurrently. This was the time he did his transfusions it had been years since he had taken a vein and although the transfusions didn’t supply everything he needed. He was able to survive and He just couldn’t bare the thought of having to take blood from another women. Wether she be of noble blood or not. He felt it would be betrayal to his dearest Evangeline. Havers still remembered the way she smelled it was like fresh cinnamon n Apple spice. Her hair was black and thick like cotton with soft coiled curls throughout she always wore it down because she knew that was the way he liked it. Her smile was warm and inviting like sunshine and her eyes were the color of chocolate brown. She was everything that he could have imagined and then some. Like most marriages of high born their mating was arranged at birth. When her father found out that Havers would be attending medical school. He immediately put her on a path to become a nurse so that they would have something in common. Evangeline attend Rutgers night classes of course graduated in the top 10 percentile of her class. From her first day at his clinic, they were a natural team he admired her drive focus and dedication. She had the ability to communicate with patients on a more personable level. Whereas his approach was very clinical and direct. The knocking at door became louder then the intercom went off. Code blue paging doctor havers code blue in the ER reception area. Havers stopped his infusion pulled down his sleeves and put in his lab jacket and took off. This was the third attack in the past two weeks the patients were coming in more mangled than ever. He knew that he should reach out to the brotherhood about this since there was a pattern forming. But per his last encounter with them nothing had changed he knew he wasn’t on their list of favorite people and vice versa. Maybe he would contact his sister Marissa she was the shellen of the brother Butch He could let her know what’s going on and then she could relay the message. The only problem with that was it had been two years since they last spoke. When she upstaged him at the meeting with families of glymera. Honestly he couldn’t blame her for the way she treated him after all it had been him who started the whole thing by putting her out of their family home just before sunrise. The only way to start mending fences is to put in a phone call which is exactly what he intended to do afterwards. The preservation and safety of the race was more Important than a disagreement between siblings.

After he finished his third surgery he walked back to his office looked up the number to A SafePlace and put the call in. He was prepared to leave a message for his sister to call him back but instead she answered the phone on the second ring. Hello, this is Marissa Greetings Sister Mine, how fair thee this evening? Marissa couldn’t believe the voice coming out of the receiver It had belonged to her brother which she hadn’t spoken to in what felt like forever.

Ahh...I am well brother mine to what do I owe this pleasure? I have a number of cases that are involving brutality. All patients have come in near death their bodies near drained of blood. I’m sure that your husband and his brothers are very busy but if you could bring this to his attention. I would be completely grateful. Marissa took detailed notes and agreed to speak to Butch. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her brother until she heard his voice. She tried to keep on the line but he said he had patients that needed his attention. After Marissa hung up she sat at her desk for minute taking in the fact that her brother reached out to her. The issue of course was very urgent but the fact that Havers had taken his time to dial her up and deliver the information first hand literally had blown Marissa mind. Havers could have sent an email or one of his nurses could have called and left a message. But instead he choose to call her. This gave Marissa hope.. hope that maybe they could mend fences. She really did miss her brother. After a moment had passed Marissa snapped to attention and dialed you her Hellrens number. Hey baby... what’s doing? I just received a call from my bro- I mean Havers... he asked me to inform you about series of cases that have just now started coming to the ER. Marissa provided her Hellren with the same details that had been given to her. Butch told her that he will pass the information along to Tohrement as that was the chain of command. Marissa is there anything else that you want to share with me baby? No, no that’s all he said , why do you ask? Because I can hear something different in your voice. Well it just been such a long time since I’ve heard my bro- I mean Havers... well my brothers voice. That’s all.. Butch listened to Marissa take a deep breath and then said listen I will get this information over to the higher ups and then I’m meeting you for lunch. Marissa politely accepted the invitation and told Butch she loved him and then ended the call. Butch got up from the bar in the great room and made his way upstairs to Wrath’s study ... he knew that Tohr would be in there working with Wrath. It was almost time for 2nd meal and since he was taking Marissa lunch... he wanted to deliver the message and get moving immediately after.

Butch took to the stairs two at a time and when he reached the top he continued a slow jog until he reach Wrath’s office. The door was open which was a good sign maybe he could get in and out without many questions. He gave a light tap on the outside of door as he passed through both of the massive brothers looked up at and greeted him. Sup Butch.. hey I just got a call from Marissa. You will never guessed who contacted her today... Tohr looked at Butch and said.. I despise guessing games, while Wrath said is this really necessary? Not in the least Butch replied. Apparently Havers wanted to give us a heads up on some patients that he recently treated in the ER. He noticing a pattern of mangled body parts or the bodies being nearly drained of blood. Wrath lifted his wrap around shades and rubbed his eyes while Tohr got up and started walking towards the window. Do we know how many people have been effected by this? Havers did not say.. Butch please thank Marissa for me and see if Havers would be open to us possibly speaking with one of the victims. Tohr I will need you to handle this first hand... I would like to assist if possible Butch spoke up. Very well Wrath agreed.. I will give the brothers a briefing on this at the close of shift meeting. I’m going to meet Marissa for lunch you mind if we meet later. No problem.. hit up when you return. Butch went back downstairs and the door to head over to A Safe Place to meet up with his Shellen for lunch. He didn’t like the way she sounded over the phone and all his instincts told him that she needed him now. Marissa was standing outside as Butch pulled the ESV up the driveway... she greeted him with a loving smile. Hi baby you ready for lunch, yes but if we could talk for a moment. Butch put the truck in park and turned to give Marissa his full attention. I miss my brother. He is my baby brother and today is the first day I have spoken to him in two years. I know this shouldn’t cause me worry but it does. Would I offend you if I were to call him? Marissa you are right he is your family and so he is my family, please call him if that is what it takes to make you feel better. A lot of time has passed since your last encounter with him, maybe he has soften a bit by now. Marissa reached over the console and kissed her hellren and said I love you more and more each minute of each hour of each day.

Back in his private lab Havers tried to start the transfusion process again Hopefully this time he will be able to complete it with no distractions. In the very beginning he was excited about the possibility of vampires being able to live off of intravenous blood transfusions. It would mean wonders for so many people. Not having to rely on another the sustain a healthy balance blood diet. But alas in all the years of trials he just hadn’t come across the right combination to call the is process a success. When he rolled up his jacket sleeve there were needle sticks and track marks up and down his arms. If one didn’t know any better they would swear he was using drugs. The fact of the matter was he could only use a spot once. After that the spot became very tender and developed a dark purple bruise under the skin that healed at an extremely slow pace. He figured this had to a side effect from the transfusion. After a very careful observation he located a spot on left forearm, inserted the needle and began the IV pump. Evangeline my dearest I miss you so much. How does one heart heal after experiencing pure love and friendship. I miss you everyday my shellen, I miss the life we made with each other plus the little life that grew inside of you. With tears in his eyes Havers reached over to his computer pulled up his playlist and selected How Came You Mend A Broken Heart By Al Green. This is what his life had become memories, sorrow, sadness, patients and transfusions. Over lunch Marissa shared Havers story with Butch. Havers wasn’t always a pencil pushing buttoned up robotic nerd. He was once considered to be the life of the party. He had a great sense of humor and was very skilled in basketball. Butch had a hard time believing that one but whatever. However once he lost his shellen and child he became a different person. Butch remembered how Tohr was when he came back after he lost Wellsie. He wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone. Butch suggested in a round about way ... maybe it’s time for your brother to move on. To be honest Marissa had thought about herself a time or two but how do you tell that to a grieving widower? After he dropped Marissa back off to

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https://www.google.com/search?q=tumblr+drawing+ideas&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjdier8yZroAhWY0-AKHZB0D6UQ2-cCegQIABAB&oq=tumblr+drawing+ideas&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3..0j0i7i30l4.37148.38251..38749...0.0..0.147.843.3j5......0....1.........0i8i7i30.NY5HqCjmD-4&ei=IiBtXt3wLpingweQ6b2oCg&prmd=ivsn&safe=active&hl=cs#imgrc=LQxQ9F1KDiEvkM

tumblr viserys drawing ideas – Vyhledávání Google

https://www.google.com/search?q=tumblr+viserys+drawing+ideas&prmd=ivsn&safe=active&hl=cs&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&sxsrf=ALeKk00CUYEZ1e9B4qdmerpD92L_ihLzMw:1584209952108&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiy6cb7yZroAhWPsaQKHS4JBiwQ_AUIBg#imgrc=8wfclrVoLaW2XM

Just Another Game Of Thrones Nerd — Violent Skies 2 {Viserys Targaryen x...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/thenoblehouseofdayne.tumblr.com/post/170421633786/violent-skies-2-viserys-targaryen-x/amp

Just Another Game Of Thrones Nerd — Violent Skies {Viserys Targaryen x Targaryen!...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/thenoblehouseofdayne.tumblr.com/post/164565449892/violent-skies-viserys-targaryen-x-targaryen/amp

GoT One-Shots! - The Dragon's New Spouse(Viserys Targaryen x reader) - Wattpad

https://www.wattpad.com/amp/378047730

Aoirohi — Oneshot(Request)Legolas x reader, where the reader...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/aoirohi.tumblr.com/post/136201651514/oneshotrequestlegolas-x-reader-where-the-reader/amp

Edge of the Obsession — Til’ the end

https://www.google.com/amp/s/annoyinglydecaffinatedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/136569136075/til-the-end/amp

Write from the heart — Oneshot(Request)Legolas x reader, where the reader...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/greenleaf-writings.tumblr.com/post/129093218719/oneshotrequestlegolas-x-reader-where-the-reader/amp

UNCPanda — Reconciliation

https://www.google.com/amp/s/uncpanda.tumblr.com/post/170557362517/reconciliation/amp

The Drinking Game. | Legolas X Reader

https://www.quotev.com/story/4743905/Legolas-X-Reader/6

legolassss — Mermaid Request

https://www.google.com/amp/s/legolassss.tumblr.com/post/162313793319/mermaid-request/amp

Multi-Fandom Imagines — Forbidden

https://www.google.com/amp/s/fandom-what-ifs.tumblr.com/post/162400840160/forbidden/amp

The Memory {Legolas X Reader} by cchope-love on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/cchope-love/art/The-Memory-Legolas-X-Reader-475433290

In Black and White || Thranduil || AU by Lilysm on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/lilysm/art/In-Black-and-White-Thranduil-AU-594638943

Rebellions are built on hope �� To Know One’s Heart- Legolas Greenleaf

https://www.google.com/amp/s/fanfic-shiz.tumblr.com/post/156366674011/to-know-ones-heart-legolas-greenleaf/amp

Welcome to Wonderland — Legolas x Reader

https://www.google.com/amp/s/agent221b.tumblr.com/post/149103540764/legolas-x-reader/amp

Stories of Middle Earth — Imagine being Legolas' pregnant wife and having...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/middleearthstories.tumblr.com/post/120643836534/imagine-being-legolas-pregnant-wife-and-having/amp

Let's write stuff! — Serendipity

https://www.google.com/amp/s/kittenwritesstuff.tumblr.com/post/166476079289/serendipity/amp

Fool of a Took! — Imagine falling for Legolas, but shutting yourself...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/hobbit-lotr-oneshots.tumblr.com/post/125343886498/imagine-falling-for-legolas-but-shutting-yourself/amp

Tolkien One-Shots — Legolas x Reader One-Shot: Don't Run Away

https://www.google.com/amp/s/that-writer169.tumblr.com/post/155511869106/legolas-x-reader-one-shot-dont-run-away/amp

Legolas x Reader- 1 by WarriorNerdz66 on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/warriornerdz66/art/Legolas-x-Reader-1-508888162

Elleth - Parf Edhellen: an elvish dictionary

https://www.elfdict.com/w/elleth/s

CHAPTER 3 - A PROPOSAL | The*Reason*Why

https://www.quotev.com/story/10046226/TheReasonWhy/3

The Cabin That Reunites | Under a Full Moon ( Jacob & Reader )

https://www.quotev.com/story/9419961/Under-a-Full-Moon-Jacob-Reader/20

legolas quotes – Vyhledávání Google

https://www.google.com/search?q=legolas+quotes&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjh-PXF-oLoAhWX_4UKHem9BboQ2-cCegQIABAB&oq=legolas+quotes&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3...469716.472639..472958...0.0..0.0.0.......0....1.8t1fBCwKbe8&ei=171gXqGxDpf_lwTp-5bQCw&client=ms-android-tmobile-cz&prmd=isnv&safe=active#imgrc=WwJZWjLsgD2xiM

legolas quotes – Vyhledávání Google

realistic drawings tumblr – Vyhledávání Google

https://www.google.com/search?q=realistic+drawings+tumblr&safe=active&client=ms-android-tmobile-cz&source=android-browser&prmd=isvn&sxsrf=ALeKk006kbVT7JJUeptKITP9DkMEEACt7g:1583225212238&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiDxf_C9f3nAhVQQ0EAHTAqA7EQ_AUoAXoECAsQAQ#imgrc=P1o6dB-Kc9pofM

ccrriissuuus writings — Imagine being married to Legolas while having an...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ccrriissuuuswritings.tumblr.com/post/112396435488/imagine-being-married-to-legolas-while-having-an/amp

My Imagines — Legolas Imagine

https://www.google.com/amp/s/loserimagines.tumblr.com/post/133620385841/legolas-imagine/amp

Fandom Imagines — Baby- Legolas

https://www.google.com/amp/s/blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/127545669716/baby-legolas/amp

Alexandra's Scribbles — Lessons In Grief.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/alexandra-scribbles.tumblr.com/post/126523402443/lessons-in-grief/amp

The Road Goes Ever On and On — "Imagine Legolas standing up to his father because...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/imaginexhobbit.tumblr.com/post/74831542023/imagine-legolas-standing-up-to-his-father-because/amp

About That Characters — Legolas with a human!Reader would include

https://www.google.com/amp/s/aboutthatcharacters.tumblr.com/post/172136254513/legolas-with-a-humanreader-would-include/amp

How to Grow Hair Faster, Part II - it's a love/love thing

https://lovelovething.com/how-to-grow-hair-faster-part-ii/

ruler queen aesthetic – Vyhledávání Google

https://www.google.com/search?q=ruler+queen+aesthetic&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjUtcz90_HnAhWCqbQKHcKkASIQ2-cCegQIABAB&oq=ruler+queen+aesthetic&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3...106379.120701..121015...1.0..0.178.2512.5j15......0....1.........35i304i39j35i39j0i7i30j0i13i30j0i30j30i10._oTadnT2LFY&ei=s6tXXpSQHILT0gXCyYaQAg&bih=520&biw=360&client=ms-android-tmobile-cz&prmd=ismvn&safe=active#imgrc=ApVc5Mp9ftPr3M

ruler queen aesthetic – Vyhledávání Google

legolas memes – Vyhledávání Google

lotr rinh drawing pinterest – Vyhledávání Google

Česko - latinský slovník online - Latinsky .cz

http://latinsky-slovnik.latinsky.cz/cesko-latinsky/

Fandom Imagines — Prince Caspian x Reader

https://www.google.com/amp/s/daintyimagines.tumblr.com/post/125984213652/prince-caspian-x-reader/amp

Quileute Imagines — Jacob x reader Warnings: Swearing, kind of smut?...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/quileuteima.tumblr.com/post/157506231419/jacob-x-reader-warnings-swearing-kind-of-smut/amp

The Worry In His Eyes- Jacob x Pregnant! Reader by SonPanssj4 on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/sonpanssj4/art/The-Worry-In-His-Eyes-Jacob-x-Pregnant-Reader-631167212

I write stuff. — Be Careful

https://www.google.com/amp/s/multi-fandomoneshots.tumblr.com/post/138743497012/be-careful/amp

Unspoken [Damon Salvatore x reader] by JulietWayne on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/julietwayne/art/Unspoken-Damon-Salvatore-x-reader-526743960

Feel the need — What I Want - Damon Salvatore [Smut]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/mindofhills.tumblr.com/post/176051248207/what-i-want-damon-salvatore-smut/amp

•All Fandom Oneshots• — Damon Salvatore X Reader: Who Owns the Bed

https://www.google.com/amp/s/fandom-oneshots-fa.tumblr.com/post/165560512200/damon-salvatore-x-reader-who-owns-the-bed/amp

How I feel — Damon Salvatore – “Change” “A pregnant girl?...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/showandwrite.tumblr.com/post/100854944458/damon-salvatore-change-a-pregnant-girl/amp

Imaginary Shots Hiatus — Damon Salvatore – He Flipped The Switch

https://www.google.com/amp/s/as-far-as-life-gets.tumblr.com/post/163637613953/damon-salvatore-he-flipped-the-switch/amp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/wolfpack-imagines.tumblr.com/post/165055257072/jacob-black-imprinting/amp

Forbidden Love: Jacob Black x Reader by AbbieDK on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/abbiedk/art/Forbidden-Love-Jacob-Black-x-Reader-610208757

Tempest{Caspian X/Reader} by lioness94 on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/lioness94/art/Tempest-Caspian-X-Reader-604905716

Reader Stories — Can I request Legolas x reader forbidden...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/rreader.tumblr.com/post/175013087938/can-i-request-legolas-x-reader-forbidden/amp

My life in Middle Earth — Together forever (a Legolas one-shot)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/dropsiaczek-in-middle-earth.tumblr.com/post/154992217429/together-forever-a-legolas-one-shot/amp

Legolas x Human!Reader by Emitheduck on DeviantArt

https://www.deviantart.com/emitheduck/art/Legolas-x-Human-Reader-423940127

Kitchenator's Writers Blog — Legolas ~ Period

https://www.google.com/amp/s/writingfromkitchenator.tumblr.com/post/185666750088/legolas-period/amp

Stories of Middle Earth — Imagine giving your hoodie to Legolas but he...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/middleearthstories.tumblr.com/post/121783610184/imagine-giving-your-hoodie-to-legolas-but-he/amp

Meg's Fandom Harem(thanks anon!) — Centuries Passed

https://www.google.com/amp/s/meganlpie.tumblr.com/post/166327577550/centuries-passed/amp

Trick to Love - Jealousy and Matchmakers, Fan Fiction | MediaMiner

https://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/c/fan-fiction/trick-to-love/19298/48233

13 notes · View notes

ashotofblues · 5 years ago

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Lmao. The only comments he will get during the listening party are gonna be: "are you and Camila dating", "is she really pregnant" "OMG I love you so much", "Pls adopt me, you and c are parent goals", "#shawmila forever!!". This listening party is the most pointless thing, the only people who will listen to them are stans and shippers who are already up their arse 🤷. Surprised tho that he'll now be answering questions about senorita, since he usually ignored it or left the room during q&as

Yeah, they need the votes now, not weeks ago. Guess that changes things.

Also, lol at those comments, so accurate.

11 notes · View notes

trishulvadi · 5 years ago

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How To Enjoy A Healthy Pregnancy

How To Enjoy A #Healthy #Pregnancy

If you are pregnant, know someone who is pregnant, or trying to become pregnant this is for you.

I see a lot of patients who are either pregnant or have happened to become pregnant whilst under our care.

The adult human body changes the most, in the shortest period of time during a pregnancy than at any time. The spine of an expectant mother really goes through a huge transformation. A lot…

View On WordPress

#Backpainduringpregnancy #Back pain in pregnancy #pregnanacy #Pregnancy #Pregnancy expectations #Pregnancy symptoms #Pregnancy test #Pregnancy tips #Pregnancy week by week #Pregnant #Pregnant faq #Pregnant q&a #Pregnant story #Pregnant Women #Pregnant Women&039;s Health

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fluidforthought · 6 years ago

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The Gender Tag

I thought this could be fun. I know, I know I am really late to the party... but that’s ok :). I’ve only just begun to dive into gender so this is all new to me and I’m excited so let’s do this!

Q. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?

A. I would identify as genderfluid, but also have just become aware of the term transmasculine. Genderfluid means, to me, that I fluctuate between the opposite ends of the gender spectrum. One day I feel far more masculine but I don’t have a problem with looking beautiful as a women either. This is where the term transmasculine might serve more purpose for me. However, right now in this moment I prefer to masculinize myself over feminize. I am much more overall comfortable and confident with myself when I present more masculine despite being born a female.

Q. What pronouns honor you?

A. This is tough for me right now. I would say I prefer either she/her or he/him over they/them. For me personally they/them feels impersonal. I have not asked anyone to change or use he/him when referring to me but I often refer to myself as he/him (I tend to use words like boi and bro when referring to myself. I don’t feel that right now it is a big problem for others to continue with she/her. I do not like being called a woman though, I don’t like the word woman, and I can’t explain why. That being said I don’t know that I want to be called a man either. This is obviously something I am still trying to work through myself, so what a long answer. In a perfect world it would be cool if everyone could tell what gender I was representing on any given day and choose the appropriate pronouns, but they aren’t a huge deal to me. Right now anyway.

Q. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

A. T-shirts and jeans or shorts, tennis shoes. I’m in the process of amping up my wardrobe to fit what I see in my head. I’ve been wearing bro tanks and khaki colored knee length shorts for the summer, some casual dude shoes or flip flops from the guys section. I’ve realized how much I love bow ties and neckties and have begun a collection of them, and would like to grow my button up shirt collection. I bought some very sleek men’s dress shoes too. I want my clothing to be the definition of dapper. Gentlemanly.

Q. Body hair... how do you style your hair, do you have facial hair, and what do you choose to shave and not to shave?

A. Right now my hair on my head is tall on top and shorter on the sides. I’m trying to figure out how I want to deal with it haha. I either just toss a hat on my head or comb it over and throw some Old Spice Fiberwax in it to add volume.

I don’t have facial hair because, well, none grows there. I wonder if I would look cool with a beard? Idk, I have never thought about that... but I’d need some help from T for that.

I like to have clean shaven legs and armpits. I’ve tried growing both out but I just get so uncomfortable and itchy, I can’t get myself past the itchy stage. I’ve always liked the idea of being able to be more free with that but the discomfort is too much for me to handle. I don’t shave above my knee though, and that means I don’t shave my junk. I remember trying to shave that area when it first started to grow but, I hated it so I just let it go. Needless to say it's probably been 8-10 years since I’ve done anything with that.

Q. Do you choose to wear makeup? Paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use?

A. I didn’t wear makeup until I came to college. I finally starting learning my freshman year and tried to wear it as expected. But I hated how dirty in made my skin feel. How cakey and greasy. And there is a particular smell to a full face of makeup that I just hate. So gradually I quite and now four years later I am back to not really ever reaching for makeup. I take pride in the fact that I am comfortable without it. Occasionally I like to dabble with it though, it’s a fun hobby but not a necessity.

I don’t paint my nails any more either. I used to a lot but it was so much work that never lasted long enough for it to be worth it. So now I am in love with my natural nails and I have a hard time thinking about painting over them, they are healthy, no need to change them.

I’ve switched to men’s soap in the shower, a matter of fact I made the bold switch to cheap 3-in-1 soap so I don’t even buy shampoo and conditioner and body soap any more, I just use all the same stuff from one bottle. I do have a wide selection of perfumes as I wen t through a bath and body perfume phase a coupe of years ago but have faded out the use of those over time too. I bought a cologne that I wear on “special” occasions, and I tend to use men’s deodorant (IT WORKS BETTER, and smells tasty too).

Q. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so how often?

A. I experienced this for the first time about two weeks ago! I wear swim trunks and a tank to the pool and I was climbing out of the pool and a guy was walking past and he nodded and said “what’s up man?” This caught me off guard but I kind of liked it. Because he perceived me as a male instead of a female which has never happened before, which means I was passing as I was expressing to an extent and that was a really epic feeling. A little kid once called me sir due to my short hair but his mom was quick to correct him saying that I was a lady. I didn’t like that.

Q. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?

A. I wouldn’t say I really experience dysphoria. But I do experience a lot of euphoria. When I am going about my life as a female I don’t excessively hate any of my parts. I don’t experience feeling disconnected with my anatomy. However, when I pack, I feel absolutely on top of this world. I am far more confident in myself and more courageous. And it has only been the last couple of months where when I am packing I wish so badly that I had a binder, to simply complete the feeling, the whole desired expression. But when I don’t pack I don’t feel any less than I am which I am very thankful for.

Q. Children, are you interested? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?

A. Children is the hardest question ever!! I still feel confused about whether or not I want them. I’ve always felt like I would want to carry a baby, to experience that intense connection with a human being for 9 months, I’ve always thought that I would like to understand what it is like to be pregnant. But I’ve never really seen myself keeping it (like maybe I carried it as a surrogate or something). I’ve never felt very comfortable around kids, I don’t know how to act or talk or simply be with kids without feeling an insane amount of awkward. I don’t know why this is the case I have four younger siblings I should be comfortable.

I don’t think I would resent having a kid if it happened, especially if it was with a long term partner, the thought of a small family is something I have always loved but just never decided if it was really what I want. Maybe fur babies??? ;)

If I did have my own kids of course I would want to be the primary caretaker, well me and my partner together. I would want to be able to support them and love them and teach them and watch them grow everyday.

Q. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?

A. Money isn’t as important to me as it probably should be. I have always wanted to put love first. I believe that with love, you have everything. But if I did have a family absolutely I would want to be able to provide for them. I would want to be able to spoil them and surprise them. I would want to be able to set up autopay for my bills because I had money left over every month and never have to worry about waiting for the next paycheck before I could pay the electric bill.

I don’t care who makes more money, that shouldn’t matter, setting unfair pay based on gender aside... I don’t like that competition.

I wouldn’t say I prefer to pay for dates, I like to take turns. If the date was my idea I pay, your idea? You pay. Evening stuff like that out I think is important. And yes I am uncomfortable when someone offers to pay for me, and that goes for EVERYONE, even my grandparents. I want to pay sometimes, again, let’s even things out. I always feel obligated to pay back.

Q. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

A. I didn’t even realize I needed to step back and look at gender until a year and a half ago. And now that I have, I fell so proud of myself. I’ve made baby steps to feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I have realized that I don’t need to be so concerned with what others think, I am me and that is truly all that matters. I have never felt so confident. I am talking to strangers, I’m sharing love with people when I used to feel the need to bottle it up and save for very specific people. But everyone is deserving of love.

I keep saying I feel my heart has grown three sizes sense I started looking at my gender. I feel more open and accepting than I ever have before and that is liberating. I’m sharing more and more of myself with people when I’ve always been so, so shy and quiet. I’m letting people in and I’m allowing myself to form in the public eye and I’ve just never felt so excited!

I’ve realized that I simply want to be a gentleman, so that is just what I will be.

#gendertag #the gender tag #2018 #gender #fluid #genderfluid #q and a #transmasculine #exploring #building confidence #pansexual

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excuse-me-while-i-british · 7 years ago

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A tag game thing

Hello friends, I’m alive, it has been a g e s since I actually posted anything original on here (I have been reblogging the occasional thing tho) but oh well. Rmeind me to post things. Somehow.

This tag thing then! The rules - New post, answer the questions (one for each letter of the alphabet) and then tag ten blogs you would like to get to know better.

I was tagged by both @the-snarky-british-girl and @estel-of-the-eyrie, thank you friends

A - Age: 18

B - Birthplace: Warwickshire, England

C - Current time: 22:47

D - Drink you last had: Some really nice ass tropical juice that I found in the Nisa on my uni campus.

E - Easiest person to talk to: I talk to myself all the time. I talk to inanimate objects. I talk at people if I’m comfortable enough with them but people genuinely have to be specific in order to draw out of me any information about my personal life. So, in short, everyone, and no one.

F - Favourite song: .......................................fUCK um, I will pick a random song that I like to listen to currently. Loving You Sunday Morning by Scorpions. It’s off the album Lovedrive, and every song on there is bloody brilliant.

G - Grossest memory: ... I don’t particularly have one. I remember having a nightmare about a remote control car that transformed into a bear and ate me while I was playing frisbee in a little alleyway outside my house (which is not big enough to play frisbee in, nowhere near, so idk it’s a fucking Tardis thing). I remember throwing up spaghetti bolognese one evening and filling the entire sink, which then wouldn’t drain because it was so thick so my dad had to get his hands dirty to make sure it went down the plughole. The other day i found a pregnant spider underneath my desk while vacuuming (I’ve been living in uni accommodation for the last couple of weeks, for the first time ever). Those are just random memories I thought of, idk if i have any worse, my brain is like a very temperamental sieve.

H - Horror yes or no: It depends. The whole Lovecraftian aspect of horror is fun, and yanno, like fantasy horror, but most horror films are real shite because the plots are shite and it’s all jump scares and gore and possessed dolls. And I need to want to risk it bc it will almost defo make me scared to even stick my foot out the side of my bed. My brain goes “it’s fucking fiction. It’s not at all going to happen. You’re not going to be brutally murdered like the victims in Hot Fuzz. but... just in case, don’t move, at all.”

I - In love or not: Yes. That is all the elaboration you are going to get.

J - Jealous of people or not: It depends. People get way more opportunity then me. For once in my life I am pursuing a big opportunity myself, but I think about how different it will be and then I’m not so jealous of those who took the opportunities they got because I know that they could have been shit. But I still hate myself for not taking/getting opportunities because they could have been great. And people have better things than me - e.g. you listen to a guitar blogger on YouTube or a famous artist and they sound good because they have expensive amps and shit but nah my amps are all a bit shite. I’m going to tinker with a design or two myself to try to make progress on that though. I’m convinced you don’t need to pay for an expensive amp to get one that sounds good and reacts how I want.

L - Love at first sight or walking by again: Walk by again. Even better, stop by me, and make friends with me, and keep working your way up from there.

M - Middle name: Roderick. It’s my dad’s name. His middle name is his dad’s name too, and so on.

N - Number of siblings: One. I have an older sister.

O - One wish: Damn. I have plenty of wishes but I don’t know which one wins out. I could be an asshole and wish for more wishes. Or wish for myself to always have just the right means to achieve what I’ve set my sights on (same thing I guess but just in a bit more of a roundabout way)

P - Person last called: Specifically on my mobile, my parents called me earlier. If we include social media, my mate Dawid called me earlier about physics work.

Q - Question always asked: I don’t know. Probably “What the fuck are you doing”. Who asks me that, you say? Mostly myself.

R - Reason to smile: Fuck loads of things. Music. Food. Cute animals. Managing a thing. Meeting a friend. A sunny day. Bed. I could go on.

S - Song last sang: Erm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT FELLAS

T - Time woke up: God knows

U - Underwear colour: Black.

V - Vacation destination: Italy. Anywhere there is good. Specifically Tuscany, or the sort of middle section (North Italy doesn’t feel as Italian??? and South Italy is okay but I preferred Tuscany)

W - Worst habit: I have plenty. Maladaptive daydreaming, procrastinating, whatever. Basically just not doing shit I should.

X - X-rays: Dental X-rays. Twice, one each side both times.

Y - Your favourite food: Erm? Italian food is bae, pizza, pasta, gelato, it’s all god tier food imo. Also chocolate. Pastry. Biscuits. Fruit. Bread? Potatoes? Fuck it whATEVER JUST F E E D M E

Z - Zodiac sign: Taurus.

I shall tag - @do-you-want-this-open-or-closed @ure-gonna-loveme-when-u-seeme @notcoolgirl @thatgirlunderarock @definitelynotemomusic @savagetay @epicfailingagain @istherelifeonberk also anyone else who wants to do it feel free whatever might as well get to know you all again

I forgot who the people I started to make friends with before are, I’ve been gone ages. I suck at keeping in touch so pester me. If you remember me and want to talk again feel free to say hi, if you don’t then still feel free to say hi, if I knew you I should remember or will make friends with you all over again anyway and if I didn’t then I will probs be your friend still, and if you don’t remember me and it’s weird that I remember you then sorry lmao I’m a mess but say hi again bc if I remember you after this long you probably made a good impression.

#a tag thing #me #I am alive

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marlaluster · 6 years ago

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Emptying the cliptray on the new phone. ....

1. https://www.newsweek.com/russia-china-iran-respond-human-rights-1363900 2. VIDEOSView All Video result for south china sea PREVIEW 10:14 US deploys marines in South China Sea as tensions soar 'We must show China our ... YouTube · US Military 1 day ago Video result for south china sea PREVIEW 5:18 China's Worst Nightmare: A U.S. Military Presence on Taiwan? - south china sea YouTube · Hot News 1 day ago Video result for south china sea PREVIEW 6:23 south china sea : China's Navy Has Arrived (And the U.S. Navy Should Be Worried) YouTube · Hot News 12 hours ago Video result for south china sea PREVIEW 10:51 The U.S. quietly made a big splash about the South China Sea YouTube · US Military System 1 day ago Web results South China Sea - Wikipedia Wikipedia › wiki › South_China_Sea 3. https://www.google.com/search?q=south+china+sea&client=ms-android-mpcs-us-revc&prmd=nmiv&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwioip6YrJ3hAhWyzlkKHWI6CTY4ChD8BQgPKAA&biw=412&bih=695&dpr=2.63#scso=_T9KYXIv6ObCq5wKQg4zQAQ1:1547.8095703125.1904296875.4285888671875.8095092773438.2857055664062.1428833007812.8571166992188.09521484375.952392578125.476190567016602.33333587646484.23809814453125.38095092773438.2857208251953.4285583496094.1428833007812.2380981445312.5714111328125.3333129882812.8571166992188.6666259765625.5238037109375.6190185546875.761962890625.8095703125.1904296875.6190185546875.5714111328125.238037109375.90478515625.09521484375.8095703125.8095703125.5714111328125.3333740234375.2857666015625.1904296875.952392578125.142822265625.952392578125.3333129882812.1428833007812.1428833007812.8095092773438.1428833007812.6666870117188.80950927734375.80950927734375.5238037109375.4761962890625.14285278320312.85714721679688.42857360839844.38095092773438.28571319580078.0476188659668.0952377319336.57142639160156.33333587646484.095238208770752,_PtaYXPSANYXy5gLRy6n4Ag22:1289.90478515625.6666259765625.8095703125.1904296875.8095703125.952392578125.8095703125.1904907226562.5238037109375.047607421875.57142639160156 4. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2019/03/24/commentary/world-commentary/chinas-next-phase-south-china-sea/ 5. I was trying to take a picture of my nose bridge area. The devil going TOTALLY INSANE AS FUCK ATTACKING, ITS PRESSING IM SUPPOSED TO BE HUMILIATED ETC!!!! IT KEEPS PRESSING WHITES IN MY AWARENESS AS IM SAYING ITS REALLY BAD HERE!!!! IT IS REALLY BAD HERE N HORRIBLE N DISGUSTING HERE, IT WORSHIPS SOME PEOPLE ARE INFERIOR TO OTHERS N PRETENDS ITS NOT DOING IT!!!!! THERES POVERTY HERE, PEOPLE CONSIDERED SMART N OTHERS DUMB BUT ITS SUPPOSED TO JUST BE THE TRUTH N THE ONLY WAY THINGS CAN BE N PEOPLE ARE ATTACKED COVERTLY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY BAD TO DISAGREE W THE THINGS LIKE THIS!!! ITS SO VERY HORRIBLE N BAD!!! 6. https://www.dawn.com/news/1471811 7. MOST READ IN WORLD NEWS BACK FROM THE DEAD Cops warn Momo is back and being spliced into ‘Baby Shark’ YouTube vids MONSTERS IN WARDS Woman ‘gang-raped by hospital staff after being left by herself on ward’ In a bizarre development in November 8. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/8681869/model-jailed-pakistan-smuggle-1m-heroin-ireland/amp/ 9. ‘PREGNANT’ NEWBORNGirl is born with her own 14g twin growing INSIDE her tiny belly 10. https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/8686047/girl-born-with-twin-growing-inside-her-belly-colombia/ 11. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2019/03/24/commentary/world-commentary/chinas-next-phase-south-china-sea/#.XJobjtUpD3B 12. Despite a momentary lull in adding to its treasure trove of South China Sea features, China’s behavior in the South China Sea exemplifies the aim of achieving regional dominance. However, Beijing has yet to achieve the level of control it seeks over the strategically vital waterway. In a region where five other parties — Vietnam, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia and Taiwan — have made territorial claims, China’s position remains under pressure and its territorial assets under continued threat. Indeed, Beijing’s 13. https://www.google.com/search?q=china&oq=china&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i60l3j35i39j0.3004j1j9&client=ms-android-mpcs-us-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#scso=_1RGZXIeNNaGB5wLM84xg51:0.85714340209961.4285583496094.1428527832031.952392578125.19049072265625.190475463867188.047618865966797.71429443359375.3809814453125.047607421875.1904296875.7142333984375.2857666015625.5238037109375.8095703125.142822265625.5238037109375.1904296875.238037109375.047607421875.09521484375.6666259765625.09521484375.761962890625.952392578125.1904296875.047607421875.2857666015625.7142333984375.1428833007812.1904907226562.7142944335938.2380981445312.3809814453125.7619018554688.6666870117188.5238037109375.047607421875.4285888671875.1428833007812.3809814453125.952392578125.90478515625.238037109375.4761962890625.8095703125.3809814453125.761962890625.142822265625.857177734375.8095703125.047607421875.09521484375.1904907226562.8095092773438.952392578125.7142333984375.09521484375.2380981445312.5238037109375.7142944335938.4285888671875.7619018554688.7619018554688.6666564941406.9047546386719.80950927734375.8095245361328,_hqiaXN6lKYvH5gKIvYXoDw51:241.90475463867188.8095245361328.71429443359375.3333435058594.8571166992188.7619018554688.8571166992188.952392578125.3333740234375.6190185546875.09521484375.3333740234375.761962890625.6666259765625.7142333984375.5714111328125.3333740234375.8095703125.3809814453125.8095703125.047607421875.3333740234375.952392578125.09521484375.5714111328125.4761962890625.09521484375.6666259765625.5714111328125.3333740234375.952392578125.1904296875.6666259765625.7142333984375.761962890625.6666259765625.4285888671875.047607421875.1904296875.5714111328125.90478515625.142822265625.1904296875.7142333984375.5238037109375.5714111328125.142822265625.761962890625.6666870117188.4761962890625.1428833007812.8095703125.2857666015625.7142333984375.1904296875.2857666015625.5238037109375.6666870117188.4761962890625.3333129882812.3333129882812.952392578125.90478515625.5714111328125.5238037109375.1428833007812.2380981445312.2857055664062.4285888671875.8571166992188.6666564941406.71429443359375.047607421875.1428527832031.23809814453125.23809814453125.8571472167969.23809814453125.09524536132812.38095092773438.04762268066406.7142791748047.71429443359375.19049072265625.23809814453125.95237731933594.80952453613281.714285850524902 14. TOP STORIES China tries to bribe France to break with America Washington Examiner - 3 hours ago China’s Former Top Internet Regulator Gets 14 Years for Corruption Wall Street Journal - 8 hours ago Forbes China's Techie Electric Vehicle Makers On Journey To Upend Detroit And Build Car Of The Future 29 mins ago Inkstone ‘Worse than doing time’: life on the wrong side of China’s social credit system 12 hours ago Reuters China not taking Boeing 737 MAX 8 airworthiness certificate applications 11 hours ago Electrek China reduces electric car subsidies 4 hours ago CNN Airbus lands a massive deal with China as Boeing battles its 737 Max crisis 12 hours ago Bloomberg China Plans Record U.S. Pork Imports to Resolve Trade War 12 hours ago BBC News Airbus secures multi-billion dollar jet order from China 4 hours ago gizmodo.com China Claims It Cloned a Police Dog to 'Save Time and Money' on Training 6 hours ago Axios As Boeing struggles, Airbus secures $35 billion jet deal with China 16 hours ago Yahoo China softens tone about trade, officials say they want what U.S. wants 6 hours ago PEOPLE ALSO SEARCH FOR Airbus deal with China 15. PEOPLE ALSO SEARCH FOR Airbus deal with China Canadian canola exports to China China Arunachal Pradesh More News Web results China - Wikipedia Wikipedia › wiki › China china from en.m.wikipedia.org China, officially the People's Republic of China (PRC) , is a country in East Asia and the world's most populous country, with a population of around 16. https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/china-tries-to-bribe-france-to-break-with-america 17. Member Log In | Subscribe Now Tuesday, March 26, 2019 OPINION China tries to bribe France to break with America by Tom Rogan | March 26, 2019 03:31 PM Print this article Beware of Chinese leader Xi Jinping bearing gifts. When Xi opens his wallet, it's never with a simple economic agenda. This bears relevance in light of Xi's announcement in Paris on Tuesday that China will buy 300 jets from Airbus. That purchase order will benefit the French economy to the tune of around $34 billion. But while China says this purchase is designed to strengthen its domestic aviation sector, that's only the pretense. What this deal is really about is encouraging France to separate from the U.S. on matters affecting Chinese foreign policy. The most obvious Chinese interest here is getting France to oppose U.S. efforts to constrain the Chinese telecommunications firm, Huawei. To its credit, the Trump administration has taken a harsh stance on Huawei, warning allies that if they allow the Chinese intelligence cutout to enter their telecommunications networks, they will lose out on U.S. intelligence support and economic opportunities. AD Subscribe to our new print magazine for more politics, deeper culture, better access Watch Full Screen to Skip Ads But it's not just about Huawei. China also wants to prevent France from following Britain in supporting U. 18. But it's not just about Huawei. China also wants to prevent France from following Britain in supporting U.S. efforts to ensure the Indo-Pacific region remains open and free. As more nations support U.S. efforts to challenge China's imperial aggression in that region, China finds it harder to retain international legitimacy. China is also weakened by its reliance on allies of weak interest and political toxicity, such as Pakistan, and by its own domestic conduct because that legitimacy deficit weakens Xi's political influence, economic interests, and military power. Although, it must be said, China's cultivation of top research institutions such as Harvard University earns Beijing some political cover. 19. Fortunately, there is good cause for American optimism here. France is a better American ally than Italy (Rome should face U.S. economic retaliation for bowing to Xi), and recognizes the value of America's rule-of-law based economic system over China's cronyism. Xi is likely to be disappointed here. Still, this vast Airbus purchase is a clear window to Chinese strategy. Xi is willing to spend big to try and buy friends. 20. https://www.google.com/amp/s/finance.yahoo.com/amphtml/news/china-softens-tone-about-trade-officials-say-they-want-what-us-wants-153729697.html

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ficdirectory · 8 years ago

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x14 “Doors and Windows”

Another twin recap by @tarajean621 and me. Look for her comments in italics below:

Especially Jude, Who’s Taking Really Long Showers These Days if You Know What I Mean: Brandon! Ew!

You Used to Fight Us So Much About Taking a Bath and Now Look At Ya: Hahaha! Stef! Now I can’t stop picturing little Brandon.

I Don’t Want to Go to School. I Don’t Want to Go to Therapy/You Don’t Want to Do Anything. Enough With the Melodrama. Let’s Go: Wow, Stef. Dismissive much? Mariana’s obviously having a tough time. While I get that school is not optional, she needs to feel heard.

The Last Thing I Need is More Stress: Lena, if you, Stef, Brandon, Callie and Mariana are all upstairs and Jude left, who is downstairs with Jesus? Also, I’m more than a little uncomfortable at the fact that this episode seems like it is going to be all about everyone else’s stress (which is, apparently, Jesus) :(

Don’t They Have College Courses in Prison/I Have an Idea! Why Don’t You Take the SATs For Me!/Wow. Juvie’s Hardened You: OMG Brandon and Callie! Hahahaha!

I Just Wanted to Be Upstairs with Everyone: The isolation is real, guys. We see physical isolation in that the entire family is upstairs, leaving Jesus alone downstairs. Normally? No big deal. (And probably why no one thought twice about it.) However, Jesus realizes upon attempting to climb the stairs that he is literally cut off from his family. (Which becomes even more poignant later in the episode, when Mariana verbalizes a memory from early childhood wherein the twins were abandoned in their crib for a day or more.)

With something like a brain injury, it is impossible to come to terms with all of the ways it will impact you. In Jesus’s mind, he is perfectly capable of climbing the stairs. He has been able to do so most of his life. So, being forced to confront his physical limitations here is crushing and frightening for him.

Also, the show has made sure that we do not forget about PERSONALITY CHANGES that can occur post-TBI. AGGRESSION. The truth is that emotions in general are closer to the surface. So, we see Jesus cry here. And the family rallies around him.

Note: In real life, a subsequent head injury is a very real concern. Technically, Jesus should be wearing the helmet we see later all the time, now that he is ambulatory (but unsteady). If this were real, the first question asked would be, “Did you hit your head?” And even if the answer was no, a trip to the hospital would not be out of the question.

Jesus Fell Down the Stairs This Morning. Well, Up, Technically. I Think He Really Wants to Get Back In His Bedroom and Out of That Dining Room. It Gets Pretty Lonely Down There: How devastating, especially knowing what’s coming up as far as the reveal about the twins’ past. Mariana totally gets how loneliness could drive Jesus’s actions here. Her adding, “It gets pretty lonely down there,” shows that Jesus’s feelings are reasonable and that they make complete sense to her. It’s not like, “Oh, Jesus was ridiculous and tried to climb stairs by himself when he shouldn’t have.” These two don’t handle being alone well, which, given their early history, makes complete sense :(

This is About You. You’ll See: Mariana’s pretending hard that everything’s okay while she’s talking to Emma. Both these girls have masks in place so hard. Emma’s obviously nervous saying she’s not pregnant, which makes me worry that she is. And Mariana’s just using to her Smart Voice hardcore to get through the day.

I Hate You...Shut Up: Imagine walking into room, and not realizing that it is actually a live rock show. The intensity of the music through the amps, so loud you can feel it. The crowd of people. Flashing lights. Colors. Smells. Screams. Applause.

Now, imagine that you’re expected to take a final exam while you’re there.

Seems pretty ludicrous, right?

But this is what it is like after a brain injury. The ability you once had to seamlessly filter information is compromised. So, while neurotypicals like Lena and the therapist are able to carry on conversation and focus on what needs to be done, someone like Jesus struggles.

The activity in the room, extraneous conversations and other noise, the bright colors, fluorescent lights all assault Jesus’s senses simultaneously before PT or cognitive therapy even begins.

Now, lets add another layer. Jesus is sitting on an exercise ball trying to balance while contending with his right-sided tremor. (During a live rock show.)

He is simultaneously using free weights - again, while contending with the tremor. (During a live rock show.)

Also, Jesus has to pick out the therapist’s voice from the sea of other noise. Listen to him. Process what he is saying. And follow his instructions. While sitting on the exercise ball and using the free weights. (During a live rock show.)

Then, the therapist introduces flashcards. :/

Aphasia can also affect a person’s ability to identify letters. And reading is also an act of filtering, believe it or not.

1. Jesus may or may not recognize all of the letters in the word boat. (I had trouble identifying/saying letters that had similar counterparts, like b, d, g, p, q, m, n, u and w as well as those that I did not use frequently such as x, y and z.)

2. He may experience all of the letters in the word rushing at him simultaneously. (Because of an inability to filter.) This is understandably overwhelming, and it can impact Jesus’s ability to pause and attempt to read the word.

3. Most importantly, Jesus realizes that he should know this stuff. Not all that long ago, he would have been able to accomplish everything asked of him easily. He is not unaware of that fact. So, he is understandably embarrassed and crushed.

And the live rock show plays on.

Again, we see that the stress of therapy has limited his speech:

I hate you could mean This is hard / I hate having to struggle through things I used to do easily.

I’m done first and foremost means that for the moment, he is done and needs a break. It could also mean I’m embarrassed to have not been able to immediately recognize and read the word.

No means no.

Shut up (responding to Lena’s “Honey, you can do this”) could mean No I can’t / Listen to me / Respect my limits.

This is the hardest part of the scene to watch. Lena is attempting to encourage Jesus, as the neurologist recommended.

However, both of the adults in the scene have failed to listen to Jesus. He drops the weights and says “I’m done” - a clear message despite limited speech - I need a break. He is immediately countered by the therapist that not only does Jesus need to read the boat flashcard, but a full 5 sets of flashcards when he is already at his limit.

He says no, which Lena follows up with “Honey, you can do this.” Which is well-meaning and also ableist. He clearly could not read the card in that moment, so she is not respecting his limits or the fact that he said no.

They take a break after Jesus yells. Not when he says he’s done. And the break is clearly for the adults, who promptly leave Jesus in the care of an aide of some sort, so they can procure coffee and/or vodka.

What is Jesus’s break like? Does he even get to leave the room? (x)

Also, I just rewatched 4A, and in particular 4x09, (the episode where Jesus finds Stef’s journal and reads what she wrote, that Lena didn’t want to adopt him and Mariana.) We can see it affects him by how abruptly he closes the journal and tries to hide it from Mariana, and the way in which he tells Moms what is upsetting Mariana. It is obviously affecting Jesus, too. This discovery is in the episode before he is injured, and while we know that Lena followed through with Mariana and went into more depth about where she was coming from at the time, Jesus was not included in this conversation - though it applied to both twins.

While he is in the coma (4x12) we can see just how big his fear of being abandoned is. He dreams his family moved and left him behind, with no forwarding address. Little Mariana is there, cautioning and trying to protect, but there is no sign of actual Mariana, no other sibs, and notably, no Moms. Lena plays a very specific part in his dreams, too. She is actually physically there and he follows her, at one point, and keeps trying to get her attention, but she never turns around. Most difficult, when Jesus dreams of being at Mariana’s funeral, Stef says, “It’s all your fault,” but it’s Lena who says, “We wish it were you.”

To me, these things indicate, Jesus has a lot of unresolved feelings and fears specific to Mama. To have her walk away and joke about needing a drink now that Jesus has this brain injury? It speaks so directly to his fears of her abandoning him. It’s every (older) adopted kid’s nightmare. To have our deepest fears of being left confirmed. She is walking away. And Jesus may feel like now that he is struggling with so many things, and having honest, big feelings about it, it’s gonna be too much for Mama to handle. And maybe she won’t love him anymore. Being disabled and adopted is so complex. And adoptive parents are not immune from saying and / or doing things that reaffirm our deepest fears that we will no longer be loved or wanted, because that is what our experience of parents tells us is the norm. This fear always exists and being disabled (for an adopted child) can seem to give an adoptive parent a concrete reason to stop loving us. To leave us. Even, to mistreat us. (x)

How Long Is He Gonna Be Like This? Lena asking this question and being met with explanations by the PT about “outbursts” and Jesus’s “short fuse” ignore and dismiss Jesus’s perspective.

This is also the first moment in the episode where we stay with the caregiver POV, instead of with Jesus. We see that Lena and Tomas both dismiss Jesus’s anger as a symptom, instead of a legitimate reaction to his treatment and circumstances. The crying earlier was not seen as a symptom, however. Comfort was given in that moment, because crying is seen as an acceptable reaction. Disabled people are generally pitied by society, and it is expected that we pity ourselves. Disabled anger is rarely viewed as valid. Our public existence is linked inextricably with how we make nondisabled people feel. We are, in many instances, viewed as objects of inspiration. If we cry, a nondisabled person can comfort us and feel good about that. Being in the vicinity of anger, though, does not feel good. And as such, it is often dismissed as an overreaction or a symptom.

$300,000/It’s a Small Price to Pay to Keep Callie Out of Prison: Okay, but wow, Robert. That’s so much money. Plus, it’s gonna really suck if you end up thinking Callie should move in with you because you did her this favor or something.

Sophia and Callie Look So Similar, Maybe He Got Them Confused/Did You Break Into Doug Harvey’s House? It just got real, Callie. And Stef has zero patience left because if the DA finds this out she is going to jail for real and Stef thinks maybe it’s what Callie deserves. Then she takes it back and says she doesn’t mean that. These two are so stubborn. Callie needs to let Stef handle this.

I’m Done/One More Time: Oh, fine motor tasks. How I loathe thee. Jesus is painstakingly separating coffee beans from pennies, and I feel for him. Because we see clearly that, with brain injury recovery, the therapy literally never ends. Not only is the task tedious - it’s boring. And it is complicated further by the fact that it is actually difficult for Jesus to do right-handed, which is super embarrassing in and of itself. Never mind that Lena and Emma feel the need to hover and/or supervise such a mundane exercise. So, something that already makes him feel excruciatingly self-conscious quickly becomes unbearable the moment he makes a mistake in front of two people he feels he needs to impress.

With so much of the day scheduled within an inch of its life, it is no wonder that Jesus jumps at the opportunity to get Mama out of there and goof off a bit with Emma. I love seeing them able to just breathe and enjoy each other, and that Emma does not try to “parent” Jesus.

But Mama is not happy when she comes back. And when Jesus says, “I’m done,” it is once again disregarded. :( The AGGRESSION does not come out of the blue. It is communication that Moms actually acknowledge.

Also, it is nice to see Brandon respect Jesus’s body language and resist the urge to help him up the step when he leaves.

Hey, You Know, I Got It: Here we have the second time that a choice was made to stay with the caregiver POV rather than with Jesus. Isn’t it interesting how, in this moment, Brandon is able to see that Lena needs a break by taking her nonverbal cues? He gives her the space she needs, and even offers to further accommodate her by taking Jesus to therapy the next day.

When is the First Time You Remember Feeling Powerless?/Jesus and I Were Babies: We just watched a podcast about PTSD and EMDR yesterday, so it was really interesting to get to see Mariana do EMDR here.

The therapist asks Mariana what feelings she had when she discovered Nick in her room with the gun. Mariana says she felt scared and powerless. He asks if she has ever felt that way before. She says she has. A bunch of times. Like when the robotics team turned on her and when her mom got shot and they thought she was gonna die.

Then he asks about the very first time Mariana remembers feeling powerless and she describes at time that she and Jesus were babies. They were in their crib, crying and calling out for their mom but she never came. They waited a day, maybe longer.

Though Mariana and Jesus are very much separated in this episode, each dealing with their own stuff, and even though their stuff is different, it is bringing up the same feelings for both of them. In Jesus’s case, dealing with medical trauma brought back his early feelings of being abandoned and feeling responsible for Mariana, as we saw in his dream in 4x12. And in Mariana’s case, Nick hiding in the house and pulling a gun on her triggered feelings that date all the way back to when they were babies.

It’s Okay. My Therapist Gave Me Permission. I’m Taking My Power Back: Mariana is hanging a sheet in her bedroom doorway here because she feels powerless having no privacy, so she is changing that. She tells Moms this is not about them, this is about her. And that her therapist would like to meet with them tomorrow at 3:00. Mariana assumes that they will be too busy but says that her therapist assured her that since Moms love her they will make time to come in. Lena says they will, and Mariana says if they have further questions about her privacy, they can discuss them then.

The thing that leaps out at me the most in this scene is that how clear Mariana is about her boundaries. Putting them up physically and making them with Moms even in terms of the conversation. She does this, though, with her Smart Voice. With her reflexive smile. Both are like armor, that she is clinging to. (Likely because she does not feel listened to when she is vulnerable and honest with Moms.) Mariana needs them to take her seriously, so she goes over their heads here, and does not give them a choice. It all feels a bit manipulative, too, which is not surprising, given just how little she and Jesus could trust adults to take care of them as babies. She is used to using manipulation to get her needs met, to a certain extent. It’s a survival skill that she has not totally lost.

I’m Not Your Bro: Brandon, your cheerleading is super annoying. And “Actually, you are. Or did you forget that, too?” Inappropriate. (But so true to life.) A little tip for our readers? Don’t be like Brandon. To insinuate that someone is in brain injury rehab because they “forgot” how to perform certain tasks is so minimizing. Because what Jesus is doing right now is not “remembering.” He is actually retraining his brain. Forming new connections, making pathways around the damaged areas.

It is such a delicate balance, because you do want and need support in rehab from family and friends. However, you feel embarrassed to your very core to be working on such basic things. And everything everyone says feels condescending, so it’s almost intolerable having people watch you.

Jesus tells Brandon to go away, and miraculously, Brandon listens. (PSA to the family: If Brandon can do it, you can too!)

HEALING IS WORTH IT! DON’T GIVE UP! We spotted this lovely (sarcasm) poster as Brandon is walking away from Jesus. In this one, a person is standing up victoriously from a wheelchair in the sunshine. We’d like to know what it implies if an injury means you must use a wheelchair to get around? (Giving up? Not trying hard enough?) Also, where is the super ableist store where these awful posters are procured? Ew...

Senior Project/What’s It Supposed to Be Now/A Cell...Like Solitary Confinement: The 45th iteration of Callie’s senior project and it’s a doozy...

I Didn’t Know You Knew About Construction/You Would’ve If You’d Asked: Right, AJ? Callie, you weren’t shy about asking Aaron what he knew about construction...

Just Wondering if I Could Ask You Some Questions About How to Help Jesus: While I think it’s great that you’re asking about music therapy, Brandon (possible avenue for you?) how about you ask Jesus what he needs from you instead of asking everyone else how to rewire his brain? I’m sure his answer would be much different than theirs, as well, considering that it seems like he just wants to be connected to you guys and not so isolated. Everybody is so afraid to ask him questions and I feel like they could learn so much if they did. Also, we are not sure how we feel about Brandon outing Jesus to the music therapy student here. While it is assumed that patients here are recovering from TBI, and Jesus did tell Brandon to go away, I’m not sure he’d like knowing you talked about his injury to a perfect stranger...

TODAY, I’M TELLING MY TBI I’M IN CHARGE!: This is an actual poster in the music therapy room. Because, you know, it’s that easy. And all disabilities can be cured by the power of positive thought. (Meant to be read as sarcasm.)

You Made Detective...Human Trafficking: Wow, this would be a shift for Stef! Also, I’m not sure how I feel about Captain Roberts encouraging Stef to keep quiet about whatever might put her career in jeopardy but I guess for the moment I’m relieved.

Jesus, That’s Great! Emma, Not So Much: I love that this scene is included. We see Jesus and Emma both engaged in playing Row Row Row Your Boat, where Brandon could have asked Jesus to play it himself. But there is so much less pressure this way. Brandon gives feedback to both and is not afraid to correct Emma. Being able to succeed at a task gives Jesus a much-needed sense of accomplishment, which is rare in the days of brain injury recovery. Also a plus? Music feels fun and less like work.

From My Perspective, Mariana Exerts Her Will on All of Us, Pretty Much All The Time/I’m Glad You Used Those Words, ‘From My Perspective’: Ooh, ouch, Stef. Mariana’s therapist just got done telling you he thinks she has PTSD and that she’s reexperiencing feeling powerless at home, and that’s what you’re going to say? I feel like Moms could probably use therapy, too, to be honest. I’m glad the therapist is there, guiding them through this so that Mariana knows her feelings are valid.

We Can Never Assume That Our Perspective Is the Only Perspective. Which is Why Communication is So Important: So true. OMG. Her therapist is so wise.

Bedroom Doors Aren’t the Reason Kids Shut Their Parents Out. Lack of Trust Is. Trust That You’re Going to Hear Them. Trust That You’re Going to Respect Their Feelings Without Assigning Your Own Perceptions to Them: This is also so true. Very true for me, at least. And I’d imagine it’s really hard for parents to listen without letting their own perceptions get in the way of hearing and respecting their kids’ feelings.

We Encourage The Kids to Talk to Us All The Time/And Then You Call Me Melodramatic, and Make Me Feel Like My Problems Aren’t as Important as Jesus’s Injury...Maybe Their Problems Are Bigger Than Mine/Honey, Don’t Do That. Nick Held a Gun to Your Head: I love this exchange between Lena and Mariana. How Mariana can clarify how she feels about being called melodramatic and that it literally makes her doubt the validity of her feelings in front of them. Lena can see that and cautions her about it, reminds her that her feelings do matter.

Treat Every Child Respectfully, So We Can Earn Their Trust, and Hopefully Then, They’ll Share Their Secrets: Do you hear this Moms? Every. Child. Respectfully. Including your son in the living room, Jesus. (Oh, gosh, who is at home with Jesus????) His injury does not exclude him from deserving your respect.

I Thought It Was Mariana/She’s at Therapy: So, Brandon’s home, but doesn’t know Emma’s in Mariana’s room and Brandon doesn’t know that Mariana’s at therapy. So he doesn’t know Moms are at therapy with her. Again, I ask, who is with Jesus? I get that he does not want to be stifled all the time but it seems that the only people home are on a completely different floor of the house and no one seems concerned that he has no way to reach them if he needs something.

Did Jesus Yell At You? You Can’t Take That Personally. It’s Just Because of His Injury. It’s Like He Has No Filter: Exhibit #554992 - Jesus’s anger is not legitimate.

No, He’s Never Yelled at Me: Look at that! Maybe it’s because you treat him like a person, Emma!

Something I Need to Tell Him and I’m Not Sure That I Should/Is It Something You Can Tell Me?/I Think You Already Know: Emma, yes you should tell Jesus. If it concerns him, he deserves to know. And Brandon, just because Emma isn’t sure she should tell Jesus doesn’t mean she should tell you. This is not your business.

Stairs: This is a blatant excuse to further the plot by having Jesus witness something he is unable to contextualize due to his physical limits. We see him struggle to do something without proper accommodations or safety precautions.

I Don’t Wanna Be a 16 Year Old With a Baby. Is It Horrible If I Don’t Tell Jesus? I’m Just Afraid That in His Condition, This Would Be Too Much for Him to Handle: So, first things first: your body, your choice, Emma. But you are taking the choice about what Jesus can handle away from him. Let him decide what he can take. I’m pretty sure that lying to him is going to make him feel so much worse than the truth. You were the one person he could count on who treated him, for the most part, like a friend and not a parent. This is gonna be so awful.

I Think It Would Be A Lot For Jesus to Handle Even Without the Brain Injury: Not your call to make, Brandon! Though I do appreciate that he didn’t just cite the injury as the reason not to tell Jesus.

You Have Too Much Makeup On/God, Jesus/I’m Tired. You Should Go: Emma urges Jesus to read a get well card, and Jesus drives her away by saying something mean. He is understandably too embarrassed to admit that he’s having difficulty reading. Dream!Emma did tell him, “You’re too dumb for me,” after all...

Take Detective. Not Gonna Give Up on Gray and Malloy, I’m Just Gonna Do It From the Inside: Well, that does not sound reassuring, Stef.

Doors Are Not Really The Issue. Trust Is. Which We Are Working on Developing. But No More Secrets: Stef, I’m glad you and Lena put the doors back on, but it’s not as simple as expecting the kids not to keep secrets when you guys are still working on developing trust with the kids.

Incapable of Expressing Herself/Paranoid/Dangerous/She Was Defiant: It’s only now that I can actually see that Callie’s senior project has facets of all of her previous senior projects, which is pretty cool. She included the pictures of herself that she gathered/has as well as the ones she took of the houses she stayed in, plus the pages of her file up on the cell wall with these words in big type. How stark and sad. To reduced to your behavior without taking your motivations into account. (Kind of exactly how the family is treating Jesus. Everything about him now is coded through “brain injury” and that stops them from considering all of the valid reasons Jesus could be reacting as he does.)

So Tired of Secrets, So Toxic, Let’s Start Telling Them: Mariana changed her Twitter handle and she just told the whole Twitterverse that she stole her brother’s ADHD meds. (Though, perhaps this is a separate account and more anonymous, which would be good. Keep taking that power back, but don’t forget to respect your fam’s privacy, too.)

Card: We finally get Jesus’s POV! And it is so effective. He attempts to read the card from earlier while alone in his bed, steeling himself beforehand. And the letters on the card move, mix up and blur as he looks at them. I hypothesized that something like this may be happening earlier in the recap, and aside from the blurring, this is very similar to how reading was for me in the beginning of my recovery.

So little is in Jesus’s control at this point in time that he wants to rip the card up. But he knows that destroying it will not change what he sees. So, he resorts to physically covering his eyes while breaking down.

No one is there for him in this moment. He is as isolated physically as he is emotionally. No one can understand the fear he’s feeling. So real. So powerful. Jesus’s recovery is far from over, and unfortunately, there will be many more instances of loneliness and isolation to come. Not to mention the long journey toward self-love and acceptance in the face of a life-changing injury.

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters freeform #jesus adams foster #brain injury #4x14 #doors and windows #aphasia #representation matters #ableism #mariana adams foster

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jimdaggerworld · 5 years ago

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PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS Q&A | ALL ABOUT BABY #4

I don’t know if the light is chasing and play. It’S a shame to my hand, side shake it all the time when Joe, but this time this time, hey guys, welcome back to the man family. So today’s article is going to be a Q & A all about baby, all about my pregnancy, because I am pregnant with baby number four, so I do have three girls Leila. Who is six Aurora? Who is two and Everly is my angel baby.

She…

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whatisaweekend · 8 years ago

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This topic that really aggravates me when it is brought up. If Cait knew ES were assuming/hoping she was pregnant she would be pissed. Does anyone remember in the Q&A when the fan tweeted her twice asking if she was pregnant? She was not very happy about it. I wouldn't be either. Should stay off topic.

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kaos-sverige · 5 years ago

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Pregnant Alicia Keys Inspired Pregnant Ali Wong's Stand-up

Published on Dec 10, 2019

Late Late Show guest host Alicia Keys welcomes Billie Eilish and Ali Wong to the couch, and Ali tells Alicia how her 2010 Prince tribute on the BET Awards, all while she was pregnant, was the inspiration she needed to perform her outstanding stand-up specials as an expecting mother. More Late Late Show: Subscribe: http://bit.ly/CordenYouTube Watch Full Episodes: http://bit.ly/1ENyPw4 Facebook: http://on.fb.me/19PIHLC Twitter: http://bit.ly/1Iv0q6k Instagram: http://bit.ly/latelategram Watch The Late Late Show with James Corden weeknights at 12:35 AM ET/11:35 PM CT. Only on CBS. Get new episodes of shows you love across devices the next day, stream live TV, and watch full seasons of CBS fan favorites anytime, anywhere with CBS All Access. Try it free! http://bit.ly/1OQA29B --- Each week night, THE LATE LATE SHOW with JAMES CORDEN throws the ultimate late night after party with a mix of celebrity guests, edgy musical acts, games and sketches. Corden differentiates his show by offering viewers a peek behind-the-scenes into the green room, bringing all of his guests out at once and lending his musical and acting talents to various sketches. Additionally, bandleader Reggie Watts and the house band provide original, improvised music throughout the show. Since Corden took the reigns as host in March 2015, he has quickly become known for generating buzzworthy viral videos, such as Carpool Karaoke."

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ecotone99 · 6 years ago

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[RO][HM][RF] Sean and Emily

Sean Sean exits the coolness of the kitchen and walks outside. A bright morning air inches past him. As he begins the walk towards school, he notices his nose dripping. Thin mucous slants across his lips. He lets it drip onto his shirt, then blows out of his nose to enhance the mucous flow onto his jawline. After a 15 minute walk, he finds the school grounds. He looks down, and doesn’t speak with anyone until he’s inside and taken his backpack off. Peering up, he’s face to face with his classmate, Bill. Bill smells like a bowl of mayonnaise that had spilled in a public restroom stall, and was left out overnight.

He beams at Sean cross-eyed. “Heyo there.” Bill’s eyes are now tightly connected with Sean’s. Bill smiles and abruptly clutches Sean with a steely grip. A wave of tranquility and euphoria wash over Sean as he accepts Bill’s love for what it is - simple and pure. Sean was in work mode now - he had to accept and blend into his surroundings. Everything smelled different here than at home. Fourteen kids with below-average wiping and bathing technique packed into one class, produced a unique funk.

With the funk came an awareness of action. Every remark he made, every sigh he let out of his mouth, every nod of his head, contributed to Sean’s brand. Sean’s brand at this point was nearly indistinguishable from an intellectually disabled child. Though this class was not a ‘regular’ class, many of the students had regular routines. Some routines were more spectacular than others. When Suzy entered the room for the first time of the day, she would march up to every student and teacher, and gruffly inform them of the current play theme. For the last week, Suzy came to class committed to the game of marching around as a band leader. She would stop during recess and sing whatever song struck a chord in her heart. Most recently, the song was an amped up, dancable, and highly improvised rendition of “The Grand Ol’ Flag”.

Other students assumed a more subdued and casual role at school. Moy, whose real name was actually Moises, would repeat his own name like a Pokemon would. Moy’s genial utterances lent themselves to any situation. When a kid fell and broke his nose, Moy smiled and slyly mumbled. When Jeremy would get handsy with the teacher’s assistant, Moy smiled and mumbled again. Though shorter than most kids, Moy’s facial hair had matured to the point where he had grown a visible black fuzz above his lip. Sean found comfort in Moy’s deep vocal register and his warm appearance. While most ‘regular’ school kids laughed at Suzy, Sean had recently become frustrated with Suzy. He had to fight off the urge to express his annoyance at how uncoordinated Suzy’s verses were. “Pick a fucking line of words, mumble and mumble it repeatedly, until the end of the song! It’s not that fucking hard, it’s a stupid song anyways. Even for a retarded person, you are dull as shit sometimes.” Yelling something like this at Suzy would immediately out him as a fraud, though. Sean was not actually intellectually disabled. He had been been acting that way since the second grade.

Sean had noticed at the age of 7 that his older brother, Andy, didn’t have any homework. Nor was he questioned by his parents about academic pursuits. His teenage sister was questioned by their parents every day after school. The Q&A sessions had devolved around the time Sean was 7. She would end up screaming, and threw sharp objects around her room. She seemed miserable, and had started to see a therapist.

Andy didn’t have any of these issues. When it suited him, Andy could stare at the wall for an hour, no questions asked. Sean asked her why Andy seemed so happy and calm, and was left alone by their parents. In a pedantic tone, she replied that Anthony was special, and couldn’t think as well as everyone else, so he didn’t have homework. This sounded like a lot of fun. A lot of stress free fun. Sean too, enjoyed staring into space and thinking about how he felt, and how he perceived the world. He wanted that freedom to do whatever he felt like. Maybe go explore ditches, or play with the dog, or just draw shapes with a colored pencil. Sean was socially advanced at a young age. He recognized that freedom came with a specific way of acting. If he could act and convince everyone that he was similar to his brother, he surmised that society would leave him out of the pressures he saw everyone else so stressed about. A couple months after he passed the test to qualify as intellectually disabled, he noticed a distance between him and his mom. She seemed puzzled and sad. She talked to him less and less frequently. Months after Sean’s test, she had replaced spending time and playing with him with more yoga, cooking, and marijuana. Smoking in the car before hot yoga helped focus her energies to something pleasurable and painful. There she found a place within her to forget about the deck of cards that she had been dealt. His dad was convinced that Sean didn’t fit into the cultural norms expected by the test. Given some time and gently consistent encouragement, Sean could reach the normal classes again. He continued to talk to Sean in the same earthy tone as he had before he had heard the news. He’d naturally share with Sean stories about people he’d talked to in the coffee shop, and recent funny conversations with his coworkers.

For about four years this customized lifestyle had flourished beautifully. Sean lived the life of an intellectual monk in secret. Though lacking the formal education second to sixth graders receive, he had picked up enough in first and second grade to read. Instead of homework, he meditated in his room, and snuck books that his sister had finished. She was into Beverly Cleary-style novels or illustrated books about whales. He learned to enjoy them, and imagined himself as a character or another whale singing to his fish friends. Sometimes he would imagine himself as a sperm whale. He’d swim into the darkness, while singing about how his day was going, all with that beautiful range of tones. Any nearby creature would hear him, and maybe he’d make them happy.

He cultivated a keen connection with nature. He could go on a hike down the street whenever he wanted, and he got to snuggle with a support dog whenever he felt like it.

While yes, the stress-free lifestyle suited Sean, he had found lately that he actually yearned for some stress. He felt empty and hot as he overheard other ‘regular’ kids on the school yard talking about how they just barely figured out a math problem (or at least pretended they knew how to), or how stupid or cool the book of the moment was. They often bonded talking about how old and demented the teacher Mrs. Hapland was. Sean felt the urge to chime in with a funny face or some rude sound. He admired the rowdy group of boys at his school. Looking past their rough edges; he saw them as a group of humorous, emotional explorers. They were the outsiders of his grade; respected, but too extreme and wild for regular popularity. “Whoa, I wonder if the producers at that pregnant granny site you sent me would even pay her in dollars. You know she would probably accept coupons for tuna as payment!” They turned red and hooted together. Sean could visualize the anal devices they often embellished, and was willing to surf that pregnant grandmother website! Both ideas disturbed Sean’s soul. But the insults opened a gate of shared ridiculousness and joy.

With longing, tranquility, and a bit of annoyance at Suzy for staring at him while breathing loudly for the last half of class, the last bell of Sean’s sixth grade year rang. Purposefully aimless and quiet, he walked home among the cheering mass of kids. Emily The first week of a new school was rushing past Sean’s fingertips. Wild eighth graders showed the way to act for the 7th graders, who were nervous, but more and more willing to yell and dash around teachers. Some teachers tried to stop them. During lunch, Sean and the others in his (7th and 8th grade) class hung around a table where they were supervised by a teacher’s aide. They ate there, tucked away on a peaceful slab of concrete in the shade, several hundred yards from where the rest of the school ate lunch. The only hints of the rest of the student body came from the faraway buzzing of lunch conversations and the occasional gawky stroller.

About a quarter of his class was new this fall. Derek, the immigrant from Greece, seemed to smell oddly spicy rather than unclean, and appeared to be somewhat intelligent. Maybe testing standards were different in Greece, and he would eventually test out of the class. Another quarter of his class disappeared. Sean didn’t really care where they had gone to - he was too distracted by the pervading tranquility and joy coming out in waves from the new student. Her name was Emily. He had picked up her name in roll call (more of a roll-tell, as the teacher’s aide approached each student and read their name aloud). She faced away from the table the entire lunch period. Her line of sight met to the bunches of palm trees growing on the other side of the school fence, on the edge of a field of weeds. At lunch Sean could only see the side of her face, but he could feel Emily’s detachment from the social circle that was crudely and awkwardly forming with the new class.

Suzy was naturally growing into the ringleader... She had acclimated to the increased attention she received with the larger school population. Many of the kids at the middle school had never heard of her, and were delighted to hear her slurred renditions of pop songs of the day. Sean had to admit that on a basic level, Suzy was a talented entertainer. She could hold a note long enough for everyone to recognize the song she had chosen - from Backstreet Boys to Linkin Park. Suzy’s main criteria for which songs to sing was if they contained at least one note that was held for more than five seconds. She would make it ten seconds. It scared Sean to think that she was the closest thing he had to a friend. He couldn’t even talk at a regular pace with his sister, out of fear that she would tell his parents that he had grown smarter. Suzy, the round, squinty-eyed beam of joy that she was, gave him the most face-to-face time out of anyone in the class. Her confidence and joy were contagious and pleasant, so he was OK with it for now.

Emily appeared just a little more composed than the rest of their class. She conveyed a centered, and blissful aura. He could somehow sense a different type of soul just by standing near her.

Was Emily just a more vacant member of his class? Or was she just like him: faking an intellectual disorder to maintain a peaceful and meditative lifestyle? Perhaps the desperation of authentic friendship compelled Sean to imagine that someone like him existed out there. Surely no one was as crazy as he was.

One way to test out her skill at cleaning herself, and thus her intelligence, was with his nose. At lunch, Sean got up from the metal bench and pretended to stumble. He’d polished this stumbling act over the years. Running into something at least once a day kept everyone aware of the fact that he indeed belonged. It was painful at times, and sad that teachers were never surprised when he hurt himself. Sean’s commitment to his mentally disabled character drove him past this the pain.

The stumble led him to collide with her shoulder, and he smelt her hair. It was a refreshingly clean scent compared to his surroundings. It smelt like tangerines and green apples, in a basket on a sunny kitchen counter. Either her parents could afford a great housekeeper who personally cleaned her before school, or she was indeed regular.

...She was regular! Probably. His chest lightened, and his eyes relaxed as he savored her scent. He slowly, awkwardly grinned (another acting technique he had learned from observing his classmates). The happiness Sean felt when he smelt Emily for the first time was so strong that the only way he knew to express himself appropriately was to cross his eyes and salivate. The buildup of saliva came out as drool, which landed on her shoulder. Drooling was on brand for Sean in general, so no one else in his class noticed. Sean’s eyes flashed to Emily’s profile, a foot away from his face. No reaction, not a flinch. Sean was curious and puzzled now. Either she was actually strongly intellectually disordered, or she was too focused on the Southern California dry fall climate to be bothered. Regardless, Sean knew for certain that he had a crush on her.

A week later, during PE class, Sean was walking around the track when he noticed Emily and Bill had wandered off behind nearby bushes. He wandered to meet them, and found Emily and Bill staring at each other. Emily’s eyes wavered and shuttered. Bill was definitely smiling as he thoroughly picked his nose. In his smile was a contagious feeling of bliss. Was the bliss from the fact that Bill felt great with his finger up his nose, or was it from something else? She shyly returned his smile. Their eyes were locked, and she felt a surge of heat pass through her body as his eyes blatantly stared at her chest. Unexpectedly, his arm shot out and she felt the same finger recently buried in his nose gently making circles around her upper chest bone. While her eyes yelped, she still thought no one was looking, and kept quiet. When she looked down at her chest in shock, she realized he had rubbed dark yellow mucus a few inches above where her bra started inside of her shirt. Hopefully none of the teachers would connect Bill’s hue of mucous with her T shirt, she thought. Sean watched from behind the corner, he choked on his own despair and jealousy. How could Emily not smell Bill from a mile away? Emily’s lack of “no” must stem from one if two places. Either she herself has special needs (and this situation is totally normal), or she’s allowing someone with special needs to touch her like this. Or maybe... she thinks Bill is ‘regular’. Bill was in fairness, the most handsome of the special class, and possibly on par with Sean himself. Bill had in fact been mistaken by a couple of raucous 8th grade girls earlier that week who had asked him to “show that D”. Bill laughed and hugged them instead. But Sean was convinced she was normal, which meant she had to be aware that Bill was not normal- they were in the same class after all. Did this make her consent to Bill’s fondling... somehow illegal? At this point in his “special needs” act, Sean had suspected he was breaking some sort of law as well. He wasn’t any better than her.

Why couldn’t he blurt anything out, and stop this from happening? Though he didn’t realize it at the time, Sean’s constant plotting meant he was not used to acting out on an impulse. Unable to hold his composure, Sean found himself slumping away from the corner, carrying a shrunken heart. A dark grinning thought occurred to him as he gazed at the hedges on his way back to the lunch table - maybe he had a shot using Bill’s technique. Surely she was just into Bill for the physical sensation or thrill of misbehaving - there was no way they could have an emotional connection. Sean was sure of it. He could try Bill’s way...! No, he would feel guilty trying to touch her body just for the thrill. This wasn’t the first time he had thought to give in to his physical desires.

In sixth grade, he had found himself attracted to his classmate Lisa. She was one of the first girls to wear a non-sports bra. He grabbed it through her shirt behind a maple tree during lunch recess. The puzzled, dead-eyed smile she gave in return still haunted him. Brittany had flashed him behind the same tree in fifth grade while he was picking a flower. This was a shock to him, as Brittany was in the regular class. It turned out she was flashing Gary, who was also in her class, who was standing several yards behind him. Gary was more dismissive than surprised - “Now you're bringing him into this? I’ve told you before, you’re sick.” Sean stood in the same spot every lunch recess for the next three months. She flashed him once more, only when Gary was there. Gary was less emotionally abusive to her the second time it happened.

If there was an emotional connection between Emily and Bill, it would be short-lived once she found out Bill was indeed mentally handicapped. Well… maybe … she’s OK with that, Sean thought. A mentally handicapped boyfriend would slowly nod and agree with her like a drowsy puppy no matter what she said. Through the constant agreement and easy conversation, she could convince herself that they were meant to be. If her parents let her date other mentally handicapped students, she might even be able to have him over to her room eventually. Was it ethical for Emily to have an emotional or physical connection that fit into the world that she had created for herself? Who was Sean to interrupt that world?

Part of Sean’s philosophical identity revolved around letting people do what they wanted to do. If people around him were choosing what they wanted, they would be less likely to lash out and agitate the calm and happy state of existence Sean had cultivated over the past four years. Was his current state of comfort something he was willing to risk to make a connection with the only person that could understand him? If he came out as normal to her, and she was actually mentally impaired, would she be able to remember enough tell an adult? If she were normal, would she automatically like him and be friends? Maybe she’s normal, and also into mentally handicapped dudes. Should Sean blow his cover and act like himself, or try to convince her that he too was mentally handicapped? If he exposed his cover, and she was not into him, she could easily tell on him to the authorities, and he would likely be sent to a mental institution. No girls, no rogue classmates, no home cooking for years.

He felt a hunch that they would get along, but he barely knew anything about her. It was hard to get to know each other since they had met the same way thousands of intellectually disabled kids had met. It was rare that any lasting relationships came out of friendships formed in the special education classroom. Something in his heart compelled him on, past the social obstacles, pass her dim love interest in Bill, and past a guaranteed future of security. Screw it, he was into it. He had to try to communicate with her.

So far all they had said to each other was a vague description of their family’s, and a few compliments. To be honest, Sean had savored and loved the process of courtship so far. It was a slow process though. He burped and winked at her. She flittered her eyes back at him. She screamed like the Pokémon Ponyta. He became hot and flustered, and laughed out loud. This teasing could go on forever! He had to know if she was worth pursuing. He had to kiss her and tell once and for all if she was special needs or not.

He knew what to do the next day during PE. He previously found an orange tennis ball in a gutter on a hike a few weeks back. For some reason, he was carrying it in his pocket around class today. He threw it near the shed when no teachers were looking. His heart skipped when she slowly veered off the track to follow the ball. He followed.

They were on the side of the shed, it was damp and smelled like grass clippings. Out of sight, Sean had the thought to drop all pretenses of his act - moving slowly now might ruin his chance. In a normal voice, he spoke to Emily “I really like you”. As he was aware that the word “you” had come out of his mouth, he immediately felt the corners of his mouth curling up, and a bright warmth beneath his dimples. Her eyes widened and then became slightly furrowed. Was she bewildered, or just not able to understand speech at the rate he was talking to her? Still smiling, he quickly kissed her. They could feel each other smiling as they kissed. She tasted… normal. She seemed… alive. Her centered energy seemed to dance around her smile as he pulled back from the kiss. Her pimples turned a shade brighter as their eyes connected. From that point on, Sean knew for certain that there was another, fully functioning mind behind her smile. Quickly they got back into walking around the track lest the lesbian PE teacher notice them.

Out of Class

Although everyone at school had smartphones to text, Sean rarely texted anyone. None of his classmates could read that well, and trying to obtain their number was a chore. His parents had set his phone up with their number, his sister’s number, and his brother’s number. He was debating whether to add more contacts. The first problem to get more contacts was who would text him back. Emily was the first person he had met who might text him back! He passed her a note that day in class.

~Your number?

~542 7856

...

Hey, I’ve thought about it, and I still like you.

Oh you, you are nice.

So are you:). A nice kisser:)

...

No response.

Worry crept into Sean’s mind as he sat cross-legged in his room. He had to travel deep inside that night’s meditation to try to escape the sudden change of emotions.

Two days later,

...

Thanks, you!:)

…

His heart raced. She was being real with him. He was part of her life. This was awesome. Sean broke right into his most pressing question:

...

Do you ever think about telling your parents that you’re actually normal?

...

Could she still be playing mentally handicapped? Could he have guessed wrong? Maybe she can’t spend so much time texting him since it would raise suspicions. Surely all of their text history must be stored somewhere. She must be aware of that. That’s why she's not texting him back. Or... maybe she just doesn’t like him, he thought. He must move forward. Onwards.

….

Do you really like me?

….

A day passes, then she replies:

…

Meet me during lunch tomorrow, next to the palm trees.

…

“Uh, we can’t do that again”

“Do what?”

“Act like we’re… with each other.”

“You mean kiss?”

“Yeah.. we could jus-

“-Those kisses were awesome!”

She blushed.

“Yeah, I guess. Sean, do you have a girlfriend?”

His heart was welling… it was finally happening. He had worried so much about the delayed text responses. She was going to ask him out! Love is so strange.

“Nope! I wouldn’t mind maybe being your boyfriend.. um... someday.”

Stupid. That was the dumbest thing he could have said. Still, he felt a wave of optimism at the moment he said it. He had put his feelings out there, awkwardly and shyly, but they were there.

“Ummm.. yeah. There are some details though, you should know about.”

“OK… What do you mean by that?”

“Sean, I won’t sugar coat this. I’m into retards.”

“Oh. Do you think I’m retarded? Are you offended that I use the word retard?”

“No, and no. I think we’re alike.”

“I see. OK.”

Sigh, and a silent pause.

“How can you be into those types? Are you into Bill?”

“Well, it’s hard for me to explain. I’ve never had to explain this to someone out loud. OK… Our families have known each other since we were small. It fits.”

“Alright, I get that. He’s your child love. I had one too. Kind of... But… Doesn’t it depress you to date someone who’s clearly special needs?”

“All of our needs are special, Sean. He’s especially gentle. He treats me like I want to be treated. He takes the time to get to know me slowly. He does everything slowly, with deliberation and confidence. It’s really very charming. If there’s one thing I appreciate about the people we pretend to be, it’s that they genuinely take extra time to learn everything. You, though. You’re kind of fast and unstable. You just go up and kiss someone you don’t even know.”

She continued:

“Plus, I don’t even know if you like me. Maybe you just feel horny, and you feel like you have a chance with me. I’m covered in pimples and in the special needs class. Don’t you think you could do better? Maybe you could find someone who likes talking about anal toys and grandma porn like I can tell you do.”

Sean could feel his heart breaking. His instincts had led him here. His one non-disabled, beautiful, pimple-covered friend. Thought he was crazy all along. Maybe he was. Maybe he had chuckled and shared some of the punchlines made by the rogue group who would hang out near the special needs table at lunch. They would test our their most extreme material in front of his class. The teachers didn’t seem to care.

Even if Sean was crazy, he knew what he felt. Confident, with love in his heart, he stood his ground.

“I really like you though. I don’t like you because I think you’re an easy target. You’re the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met. You’re the first person I’ve met…who I can be myself around. You make me feel… wild. But gentle at the same time! And I can tell by the way you smile and beam when we talk slowly that you feel the same around me. I want to keep trying to dart in and kiss you. I love it! Is there honestly anyone else out there who’s lived this type of double life, who can truly understand us better than we can each other?”

Emily’s eyes darted, and began to tear.

“Maybe someday we can even tell our parents that we’re not disabled. I’ve been thinking about it for a little while anyways. I know we just met, but it feels right.”

She locked eyes with his, and narrowed her gaze.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon, Sean. We can just be special friends. It’ll take time, Sean. After a while, you’ll feel better than before. You’ll have plenty of friends besides me.”

As he pondered the next few days, Sean strove to see the wisdom in Emily’s stance. She was fully committed to acting like she had an intellectual disability, and she was absolutely thriving. He thought, yeah, he could still have fun in his circumstances. So what if his soul mate didn’t want to kiss him, and enjoyed to be slobbered on. This must be a pretty typical experience. His dad would say this was natural. Everything was natural apparently.

His thoughts soared past his current heartbreak. He imagined his future life, and it was bright and full. As a grocery bagger, he might be able to look down housewive’s blouses. At the water exercise classes, he could stay in shape, get creative with some water dance moves, and exchange simple greetings with the elderly. In a couple of decades, he could get a job as a greeter at the local Wal-Mart. With that Wal-Mart money, he could eventually get his own place, and masturbate whenever he wanted.

On a deeply personal level, Emily had shown him through example that he could live a happy life by loving a person with intellectual disabilities, just like she did. He could look past his future girlfriend’s characteristic Down's Syndrome eyes, straight into her heart. Who knows, maybe he wouldn’t be stuck with an intellectually disabled girlfriend in the future. Maybe there were more sleepers like Emily, who acted like they were mentally disabled, but were in fact just cruising through life like Sean. The more he thought about it and encouraged himself, the more likely this seemed. Things were looking up for Sean. He had convinced himself that he was a happy person, on the road to an average lifestyle, left alone by everyone.

Following each striving peak of self-confidence, however, doubts from the back of his mind would simmer to the surface. When they did, darkness and hopelessness would take hold. From an honest perspective within himself, he realized he was simply planning how to fill the void of his soul mate’s rejection by stuffing down his sadness. He couldn’t block her face out of his head when he was by himself. His sister’s books only delayed the escape from the feeling of her smiling kisses. Why did he still feel so strongly towards her? She had turned something on inside of him that didn’t have an off switch. He couldn’t sit still with his thoughts.

If he started speaking his mind to the people in his life, and admitting he was faking a mental disability at this point, he would get sent to an asylum. Or to jail. No… you know what, his life was cool, and it could only get cooler. Several times a day, he would inwardly rally around how cool he was. He had plenty of special friends. He had the rest of his life to make friends with other people while he pretended to be disabled. At least until he graduated high school, then he could travel to Mexico maybe. He could blend in as a Mexican. Then perhaps, he would find his bliss. But that was years away.

He felt afraid to acknowledge how much he was still into Emily to anyone else. It was difficult because they were in the same class. A couple weeks after they had last talked, he saw she and Bill were driving ahead of him in his parents car after school. Bill and Emily were in a convertible. At the sight of them together, he felt a burning sadness, and realized his cheek was wet. Was he crying, or had Bill’s drool, which was visibly flowing out of the convertible into the wind, landed on him? Either way, Sean tried to hide his emotions in front of his parents. He hid his feelings from her as well. Trying to tell her how he felt was dangerous and probably fruitless. Her head was in a happy and stable place, so he had to honor her choice not to see each other.

He eventually told Suzy how he felt, and she sighed, smiled and hugged him. It helped a bit. His depression and headaches were only temporary, he would tell himself. If he just wrote about what made him feel happy, maybe it would stick. Maybe he would grow. When he returned to his desk to draw colored circles, he wrote a few sentences about how he felt onto a notepad, then hid it under the floorboards of his room. The next day he took it out again, and continued the process of recording his feelings. As he progressed, he felt a burden slowly releasing. It was as if a higher force grasped his heart from the ground with tweezers, and placed it back into his chest.

He planned to post his story as a work of fiction on Reddit through an anonymous browser. At least someone else might read this and be happy someday, even if his life was going to be mediocre and depressing. Maybe some people would get a laugh out of it.

A month later, and he had finished the love story of his life. Before posting it on Reddit, he copied and pasted it in a text message to Emily.

He sent it.

…

Author’s notes

One main them I had in mind while writing this story is the feeling of the universe frightened at perceiving itself. Amidst a sea of falseness and mental retardation, Sean and Emily see the potential they could bring out in each other, and it invokes fear.

I chose the middle school backdrop because it represents a time of rapid growth and questioning values. It also adds a light-heartedness to the characters and storyline.

The intellectual disability act to the outside world and contrasting ‘normal’ inner mind represents how love can inspire people to find courage to be themselves, even if it’s difficult and uncomfortable. Hopefully the weird setup inspires people to use their minds.

A theme that really fueled Sean and Emily’s original and continued decision to act intellectually disabled was their shared value of inner harmony. As a culture, Americans are really into valuing inner harmony and wellness. This story is an exaggerated take on the cost of wellness and serenity. How far should a person go to preserve inner peace?

Overall, the story is meant to poke fun and raise questions at the desire to fit in and stick to the path of least resistance. The paths Emily and Sean were on before they met each other, while unconventional and maybe illegal, offered them very little resistance, along with some peace and happiness. Can their choices leading up to seventh grade be labeled as thoughtful and modern? Is it worth throwing everything away to connect with someone else? Will the act of connecting with each other and revealing their true nature to their world make both people happier, or lead to incarceration?

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