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Practical RF Design Manual
[Practical RF Design Manual by Doug DeMaw (Milton F "Doug" DeMaw). 1997. MFJ Publishing. 2nd Edition 1997 : 246 pages. ISBN 1-891237-00-4]
For many years I was an amateur radio - "ham radio" - operator, beginning when I was 13 years old and going up until I was about 40 years old. For those who are interested, my call sign was WA6FEB and I held an Extra Class ham radio license (this is the highest classification). My fascination with radio was fostered by my step-father, the late Sam Martin (WB6WZN, later N7TBV), who had learned his electronics and radio theory while serving in the US Navy.
Sam had many years’ worth of a magazine called QST, which was one of the premier journals available for ham radio enthusiasts. Doug DeMaw, the author of the book under review here, was a prolific contributor to QST and to other ham radio publications. I was (and remain) a huge fan of his writings, especially his transmitter and receiver projects for ham radio folks.
What I did not know then, but have come to learn, is that DeMaw was truly a world-class electrical and electronic engineer. He was known to much of the world as a ham radio person first and foremost, but he was a professional engineer who had an extraordinarily broad grasp of all aspects of radio transmission and reception, covering all power levels from the very tiny (what we in the ham radio community called QRP, or low-power, operation, usually less than 1 watt) to the industrial (the 50,000-watt and 100,000-watt “clear channel” broadcasts from commercial radio stations, for example). DeMaw was well-versed in design considerations spanning operating frequencies from the US AM broadcast band (560 KHz to 1600 KHz) all the way up to the UHF range (where television broadcast channel 14 begins in the US, or around 470 MHz and beyond). His knowledge went beyond component-level design of devices to include the design and tuning of antennas and other auxiliary devices to aid in the radio experience.
All of this knowledge is subsumed under the aegis of RF - radio frequency. RF in modern terms is usually linked to RF ID chips, which are becoming quite common in scenarios that require tracking (such as shipment packages), but this is a very restricted window into the RF world. To really see just how vast an enterprise RF electronics is, one might consult this book.
This volume is truly a gem. I dearly wish I had access to it back in the early 1970s when I was first getting into radio. It would have illuminated a lot of practical design issues for me, especially on the design of receivers. Receivers are generally more complicated and finicky than transmitters – it’s easier to generate radio energy and cast it out into the universe than it is to gather it in and make sense of it. This book leads the reader through 7 broad-based topics and roughly 40 overall subsections within those topics, starting with transmitter and receiver fundamentals and leading the reader through considerations related to power regulation, signal quality, the use of different types of components for different frequencies of operation and different power levels, and so on.
Unlike much of DeMaw’s writing with which I had been previously acquainted, this book is definitely not a book for someone looking to do a home project. There are no comprehensive instructions on assembling or testing transmitters, receivers, or other associated machinery. This book is written for a true engineer who wants to become familiar with many (most) of the gotchas that accompany real in-the-trenches electronic engineering work. And in this vein, this book is as useful to a professional radio engineer (such as someone who is the engineer-in-charge at a radio or television station, for instance) as it is to a radio hobbyist. It is also not the sort of book from which to learn first principles of electronics; for this, there are many more suitable books that introduce electronics at the most elementary level (Ohm’s Law, Kirchhoff’s Law, how vacuum tubes and transistors work, what makes oscillators work, and so on). This book assumes that the reader already has some engineering skin in the game, as the saying goes.
Whom would I recommend this book to? Anyone who wishes to know something about electronics that precedes the modern all-digital era where whole systems are embedded on integrated circuit (IC) chips. While those circuits may make for easier and more controlled design, they take away a lot of the learning, guesswork, and outright fun of figuring these things out for yourself. DeMaw’s work hearkens back to what many of us current and former ham radio people think of as a sort of golden era of communications – a time before cell phones and before email.
A couple of comments about the text itself:
There are some typos both in the text and on the many diagrams. For the most part these are easy to spot if you are already versed in basic electronics, but they would be profoundly confusing to someone who doesn’t know what they’re looking at. Anyone who doesn’t know how to read a basic schematic diagram of a circuit will not find this volume very helpful.
Bearing in mind that some of the material in this book dates to the 1970s and 1980s, it is possible that some of the actual components cited in the text no longer exist or are not easily available. Happily, the author describes them in sufficient detail that a modern engineer or hobbyist can find current components whose characteristics match what DeMaw had at his disposal when the book was written. DeMaw was fairly fastidious about describing the important pieces of each circuit or circuit fragment in the book. One needs but to pay attention to the text to make the connection.
I was delighted to read through this volume. I am not currently an active hobbyist, but as I near retirement age, I am giving a return to ham radio serious thought. With that in mind, this book will be an invaluable title in my collection when I once again wield a soldering iron and set out to make some more home-brew radio equipment as I did so many years ago.
[Photo credits with thanks to : Book Cover of 2nd edition 1 August 1997 © 1997 M F J Enterprises Inc / Portrait © Copyright Holder (apologies not known)]
Kevin Gillette
Words Across Time
10 January 2023
wordsacrosstime
#Kevin Gillette#Words Across Time#wordsacrosstime#Practical RF Design Manual#Doug DeMaw#January 2023#Ham radio#US Navy#QST#Transmitter#QRP#Antenna#Radio Frequency#Power Regulation#Signal Quality#Electronic Engineering#Television Station#Radio Hobbyist#Ohm’s Law#Kirchhoff’s Law#Vacuum Tube#Transistor#Oscillator#Receiver#Sam Martin#Amateur Radio
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always good to keep a screamhole handy
#danny phantom#danny fenton#college au#ember mclain#this one was a struggle to finish tbh#but the thinking around it is how ghosts handle stress#like#hmm#bc of the way they operate ghosts don’t have human emotional regulation#there is no shoving feelings down#they gotta go OUT#ghost fights and having fun in the ghost zone is usually enough#but in times of big stress sometimes he’s just gotta scream/wail it out#easier to just destress the ghost way yanno#less work#quicker recovery#also in this#displays of power aren’t inherently aggressive but they do affect how much respect you get#he’s just screaming into a mostly uninhabited void#but he’s the ghost king and he wasn’t really thinking#so just like#ghost nukes tf out of this little area#no harm no foul tho
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The WGA has two main stipulations. First, the guild wants to make sure that “literary material” — the MBA term for screenplays, teleplays, outlines, treatments, and other things that people write — can’t be generated by an AI. In other words, ChatGPT and its cousins can’t be credited with writing a screenplay. If a movie made by a studio that has an agreement with the WGA has a writing credit — and that’s over 350 of America’s major studios and production companies — then the writer needs to be a person.
“Based on what we’re aiming for in this contract, there couldn’t be a movie that was released by a company that we work with that had no writer,” says August.
Second, the WGA says it’s imperative that “source material” can’t be something generated by an AI, either. This is especially important because studios frequently hire writers to adapt source material (like a novel, an article, or other IP) into new work to be produced as TV or films. However, the payment terms, particularly residual payouts, are different for an adaptation than for “literary material.” It’s very easy to imagine a situation in which a studio uses AI to generate ideas or drafts, claims those ideas are “source material,” and hires a writer to polish it up for a lower rate. “We believe that is not source material, any more than a Wikipedia article is source material,” says August. “That’s the crux of what we’re negotiating.”
In negotiations prior to the strike, the AMPTP refused the WGA’s demands around AI, instead countering with “annual meetings to discuss advancements in technology.”
The looming threat of AI to Hollywood, and why it should matter to you by Alissa Wilkinson
#wga strike#writer's guild of america strike#wga#writers' strike#writers' rights#important#support the strike#This is just one of the many reasons for striking but it needs careful consideration#AI NEEDS to be regulated#power in a union
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How to emotionally regulate yourself
so. You find yourself getting upset or angry or guilty over something. Negative emotions don’t feel the most comfortable, do they? They feel almost physically uncomfortable, sometimes painful. You wish you could block them out immediately but it’s impossible. Even if you try to ignore them, they somehow bounce back in your face.
what we’re not taught from a young age is emotion regulation. We are, in the end, only human. Its part of our nature to screw up, make mistakes and do things at times that we’re not supposed to.
bottling away feelings does no good - not to yourself and not to those who care about you.
so the next time you find yourself feeling emotionally imbalanced, take a look at this framework and work it out!
#strong women#personal growth#that girl#ceo aesthetic#c suite#productivity#balance#getting your life together#powerful woman#Emotional regulation#how to regulate#Emotions#emotionally balanced
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Besides, she thought as she watched Wazzer drink, you only thought the world would be better if it was run by women if you didn't actually know many women. Or old women, at least. Take the whole thing about the dimity scarves. Women had to cover their hair on Fridays, but there was nothing about this in the Book, which was pretty dar--pretty damn rigorous about most things. It was done because it had always been done that way. And if you forgot, the old women got you. They could practically see through walls. [...]
Polly had forgotten her dimity scarf. She did wear it at home on Fridays, for no other reason than that it was easier than not doing so. She vowed that, if she ever got back, she'd never do it again.
Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
#polly perks#wazzer#monstrous regiment#discworld#terry pratchett#women#gender#old women#better world#power#control#regulation#tradition#dress code#religion#the book#leaving home#growing up#resistance#the way things are#never again#dimity scarves
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Wow I have been nonstop thinking about tennis king yuuta and his little baby boy I’m going to kill you (affectionate) - @yuutito
teeheeeeeeeee….. here’s some more, aleks :’) enjoy :))))))
“Everybody thinks he looks like me, but I don’t see it that way. Maybe it’s because every time I look at him, I see my wife and I’m reminded of her […] I’m a little biased so I see her in everything.”
You find yourself with tears welling in your eyes the more you read into Yuuta’s latest magazine interview. Between his sweet quotes and the pictures of him with your son, it’s taking everything in you not to burst into full-blown tears.
Your boys look so handsome. You and Yuuta shared your concerns with publicizing your child at such a young age, but you two came to the conclusion that you’d rather have the control in the narrative than to let private family pictures be leaked uncontrollably. As another point of reassurance, Yuuta’s career provided him with just enough lime-light to be a household name without the crazy fame and criticism that came along being a true celebrity. Besides—Yuuta talked enough about you and your son in press conferences and interviews that it was bound to happen sooner rather than later.
The article wasn’t entirely about you, or your family—or at least, you’re sure it wasn’t intended to be; you knew your husband had a knack for rambling about his loved ones, even where work was concerned. As you continue to read, you find a segment where the author compared Yuuta’s current statements with something similar he’d said about you twelve years ago—at the very start of his professional career: “If I owe this [winning Gold] to anybody, it’s my girlfriend. She’s always believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. I wouldn’t have qualified or even thought to qualify if it weren’t for her.”
It feels like you and Yuuta were just two kids in love back then. You didn’t think it could be more than that—you didn’t think you could love Yuuta more than you did all those years ago, but somewhere along the way just being in love wasn’t enough to describe it; Yuuta became your partner, someone you loved fundamentally, but also because you couldn’t stand to see yourself without him. And just when you thought you couldn’t love anyone nearly as much as you love him, you turn the page to a picture of your husband and son peeping through the holes of a racket and your heart feels full.
When you scan the image more closely, you realize that it isn’t just any racket—it’s an old one, one you’d given to Yuuta as a gift probably back in high-school. You had no idea he’d kept it, but you suppose you shouldn’t be all that surprised; Yuuta is nothing if not sentimental.
“Ah, there she is~” Yuuta’s voice cuts through your thoughts. When you turn, you see him, with your baby boy on his hip, sliding the back porch door closed.
Both boys approach you with a smile on your face, and you set the magazine aside to sit up in the lounge chair to greet them. Yuuta presses a kiss to your forehead, then your lips before you do the same to your son. Immediately after, he reaches his arms out for you, and Yuuta chuckles, “You wanna be with your mama? Can’t blame you, I missed her, too.”
He hands the baby off to you, and takes a seat on the other end of the chair, reaching over to coo at his son as you smother his face in kisses.
“How was the farmer’s market?” you question, letting the baby settle into your lap.
“Good, he picked out some very bright peppers, and we got some more strawberries, know you’ve been craving them,” Yuuta smiles, reaching over to pat your son’s head, when the closed magazine catches his eye, and he reaches for it, quickly flipping through, “Ah—I guess that interview’s out. He’s grown so much, even though it was only a few months ago.”
You find the blush on his cheeks beyond endearing. Yuuta always finds room to be bashful no matter how many times he’s waxed poetic about his love for you, or his family—his cheeks always stain pink like the first day you met him.
“It’s sweet. You’re sweet,” you smile, sparing a hand to run through Yuuta’s hair, charmed by the way he leans into your touch, “I didn’t know you still had that racket.”
“Of course, I keep everything you give me,” he says, earnestly. He closes the magazine and scoots a little closer, taking advantage of the proximity and of your touch to lay his head on your shoulder, “Did you… read all of it?”
“Almost, but no, why?” you question, with a light-hearted grin, “Did you say something that would lead the world to believe you’re somehow even more in love with me? Because you might already be past the threshold, dear.”
Yuuta hums. He reaches to take you son out of your lap and carefully shifts himself to that he’s laying down, his head on your lap, and the baby in his arms, happily giggling and cooing as Yuuta holds him up. He lowers and raises him back and forth a few times, nuzzling their noses together when their faces are close, before sitting him up on his chest.
Then he tilts his head up to look at you, wide, love-filled eyes blinking slowly before he says, “Maybe… depends on if me saying I want more kids is past the threshold or not.”
#answered#this is like... set before the press conference drabble and interview is like when the baby is maybe 9mos?#and comes out when baby boy is just shy of 1 year teehee#yuuta my wife my wife my wife okkotsu#has plenty of gold medals around his neck in pictures and the quotes are still oh i love my wife ~~~#SICK!!!! I NEED HIM!!#he would enjoy this level of fame i think bc he gets to yap to the whole word about his family#but then its still chill yk? like paparazzi dont stalk him people dont follow him and interrupt his day#he just gets to do what he loves and have enough money to support his family#and come back to you and your baby every day... dream life for him#also not pictured bc money and power is attractive sorry: the back porch door opens to the lounge/porch ofc#but beyond that pls imagine a regulation size tennis court#and all the expensive tennis accuoutrements one might need#see also also on the OTHER side of the backyard: the regulation size swimming pool that you dont need but yuuta thinks the kid(s) should#learn to swim... also for gojo LOLOLLLL#yuuta x reader#yuuta.ask#tennis au
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The Pixies need to be villains in A New Wish just so that Hazel, canonical lover of paperwork and the predictable monotony of places it is done like the DMV (*cough*, autism, *cough*), can have so much fun with them that it makes them have a breakdown because they're not meant to be fun! They're meant to be boredom incarnate! They rob kids of joy, they don't give it to them! Who is this child? What is going on here?
#and cosmo and wanda laugh so hard they explode#hazel isn't even trying to be malicious she just adores following regulations and thorough procedure#her friends are miserable when the pixies are winning but she's having the time of her life#something something the episode could start with her getting insecure#about her unconventional interests and sources of comfort#like paperwork#and worrying that she's wasting her childhood not doing and enjoying more typical kid stuff#but she saves the day with the power of her special interest#anyway i need fanart of hazel reading da rules for fun#while cosmo and wanda stare at her. wanda's jaw is literally on the floor. cosmo is sobbing#fop a new wish#fop anw#hazel wells#fop pixies
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mumbo foreshadowed his own death earlier in the session. the minecart track is very finicky, with lots of levers and powered rails to make sure it works correctly. its the kind of system where if you breathe wrong everything can blow up in your face. multiple times mumbo got overzealous and forgot to check that everything was set back the way it should be which meant the minecarts just ran off the edge instead of gaining momentum. and this was still fine, because it didn't kill any of them.
the thing is though, on the part of the track you're supposed to initially place the minecart on they used a powered rail, but most of the time they had it turned off and just nudged the minecart until it ran onto the loop. but this time, someone had turned it on. mumbo, in his haste to try to kill gem, didn't bother checking if everything was safe. by the time he noticed the minecart was moving on its own it was too late.
#this is why we have occupational health and safety regulations folks#work safe ad but its please make sure all powered rails are turned OFF before placing tnt minecart#mumbo jumbo#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#trafficblr#geminitay
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I love how Vasco looks like he is always living his best life while Machete looks like he never had a moment of rest, ever, in his life. Like a mirror reflecting two opposites
.
#well you know#I think it's a temperament and emotional regulation thing#Vasco has faith things are never as bad as they seem#and has learned to keep up an optimistic demeanor even when he's having doubts and worries#at least to a certain point#in Machete's head in order to survive you have to always predict the worst outcome and do everything in your power to prevent it#so he feels like he's always two steps away from some unforeseeable disaster and if things go wrong it's always his fault#it's very hard for him to relax relinquish control and trust that everything will work out#answered#anonymous
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Hypno Comedy Tour
Joel McHale is live at comedy club on his On My Own Terms tour like you have never seen before or that is what they are implying with that horrible title for a show that is about or rake in so much money anyway be stomps his feet.Something is shook in me deep down in to my core as I watch him prance around the stage like a massive march he covers the entirety of the space and secretly earns a admirer out of me as I sneak by way out of the arena. I manage to finesse my way with the guards at the entrance digging in to my pocket I dig for the pocket inside of my jacket as I reach out flipping it in to the air and catching it as he releases in to the air with the coin lighting up. Instantly they are both caught up with the colors switching in a definite multitude of ways change the color as they became like a rocket launching in to the sky as it explodes in impact and they are frozen on command.
Taking my time the hours fly by as the guard came to my side offering me a chance to be able to meet Joel as they escort me in to the film with such attention and they follow all of my instructions as command like good loyal soldiers. They swing the door open as I see my guy, my future boi, Joel McHale swinging in his swivel chair as he spun about to face me with that scruffy face of his and a dorky smile that makes me melt and I close the door. Something clicked in my head as he offers me his hand to shake his grip tight with my hand in his, I knew what do shaking it back very vigorously as I use my with guide his concentration distracting him with my left fingers jangling above his ears.I yank his hand pulling it to the side as his drops to his chin heavily, a deep sigh takes over his presence he looks calmer beyond worlds and his appendages falling to the side I grab his arms and legs shake him deeper.
“Talk to me my friend.”
“Yyyeeessss”
“You can hear me extraordinarily loud.”
“Yyyyeeessss…he is aware of”
“Take a deep breath, sink a million times deeper.”
“Release it!”
“Take a drip down last your consciousness “
“Leave it unaware at the count of ten”
“1…2…3…4...5…6…7…8…9…10”
“Where are you ?”
“At the door of my inner mind “
“Take the handle and open the subconscious “
“Surrender to the sweetness of my power “
“Descend down the staircase “
“The hall liting up “
“I am your life “
“I literally am your world “
“You live in it”
“You will address me”
“Yes!”
“As Master”
“Yes Master”
“Master Lawrence “
“Yes! Master Lawrence “
“I am your everything “
“Do not resist”
“Do not fight”
“You love me”
“I love you “
“Feel it”
“Embrace it”
“You love it “
“You care about me”
“Crave me “
“Crave to serve me”
“worship me”
Jumping up for excitement I clap my hands joyfully as I manage to bring down my crush in a roar of power, thrill and desire all sort of manner of things hit my mind as I turn off the lights and switch a small light on the desk. It flashes in his face as I snap my finger as he woke up mindlessly staring ahead of him as I walk around the desk landing both of my hands on the shoulders rubbing them tightly with my grip as he moans in a bit of pleasure.Leaning in my lips press on to his slowly give him a kiss on the cheeks softly, sweetly I am watching his every move fluctuate as he moves around in his seat and apply the pressure a bit as I start slide down his cheek on to him.Kissing down a track down his cheek to his neck biting him as he backs up a bit the top of his head, he sighs so deeply as the power of my touch increases the pleasure and I love to see him squirm like the little bitch he is.
“When I snap my finger you will wake up “
-SNAP-
“Oh man! What time is it?”
“I am your Master”
“Oh Hey! Master Lawrence “
“How do you feel? Are you ok?”
“I love you, you are my everything “
“Excuse me! Say it again”
“Come on Master! It’s obvious to me”
“Do you love me?”
“With all my heart and soul”
“Wow! That is bold”
“It’s perfection!”
“I am madly in love with you “
“Mind, body and soul”
“From here to the moon”
The end
#joel mchale#daddy#hypnosis#mind control#reprogramming#hypno slave#hypno submission#mind control slaves#male transformation#black owned#ownership#gay mind control#total power exchange#tpe lifestyle#tpe relationship#dresscode#rules#regulations#age regression
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i love it when athletes understand that they are actors in a little play
#like i do think. marc is very aware of this and i love how often he’s decided to break that fourth wall in recent years#vale is show where i am is show the regulations are good for the show#today in that presscon being asked about the ducati seat it’s part of the show… like he knows that his job is entertainer#versus vale who i also very AWARE of all that but would never like. reclaim the any power by acknowledging the performance#versus casey who rejects it outright….#callie speaks#motogp#all this to say#hunger games au still slays absolute penis
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that one sunburn trend from that one photoshoot hehe
#my art#valorant#neon#jett#deadlock#casual nudity#will this get flagged I wonder...anyways#again I hard headcanon neon keeps those bands on her wrists#with someone that needs her suit to regulate her powers I doubt she can completely take all components off at all times
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i loave childhood pruhun so much
#my art#axis powers hetalia#hetalia#aph prussia#aph hungary#hws prussia#hws hungary#pruhun#hunpru#gilbert beilschmidt#elizabeta héderváry#erzsébet hédeváry#why can’t I find his name in the tag fill in WHATSVWR#btw hungary is a trans man to me. you cannot change this for me ever btw. I will call him daniel#i think childhood pruhun was so cute#because gilb was literally like an asshole boy who didn’t know what to do with his crush#so he was just rude af bc he didn’t know how to regulate his emotions and had no parents#at least daniel took it well awww
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I just realized that the hermit permits have centralized the hermitcraft economy and as such, established socialism
#vio.txt#hermitcraft 10#stores with supplies regulated by a centralized power?#the elimination of competition through government means?#theyve done it babeyyyyy
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Whumptober Day 3 - Set up for Failure
Link walked the castle hallways in the dark. Occasionally he could still feel slippery warmth on his fingers, a strange echo of what had transpired. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he found it odd that it would imprint itself on him so much considering it was hardly his first kill.
Perhaps it was just because it had been a while. Or because of who the person had been.
It had been deserved. But he regretted doing so in front of Zelda.
Nausea overcame him, alongside a mind numbing exhaustion that fought for control. His skin crawled, hair on the back of his neck standing on edge, but his mind was so utterly blank he could hardly put together a single thought.
He felt nothing, really, as he continued to walk. His skin settled. He checked his hands once, twice, thrice. No blood. But he could still feel it, could still hear the gurgling breath as air filled pathways it wasn’t meant to, bubbling and drowning.
He wished Zelda hadn’t been there. But there was no avoiding it. The man had lost his mind, had been threatening her. Whether he’d truly meant it or not was a moot point by now; the damage had been done.
The man’s followers had done more damage than anyone. And Link was still very keen on hunting the rest of them down like the animals they were.
He’d spent the last month in a continuous fury, focused and determined in a way he hadn’t been since the war. It had been invigorating, honestly, and it had brought him and Zelda closer together than ever before.
Now that it was over…
Link paused, world growing hazy and spinning. He felt dizzy. He felt sick.
He wished today hadn’t happened. But what else had there been to do?
It was over. That was all that mattered.
The king consort sighed heavily, deciding that perhaps some prayer would settle his rattled mind. He maneuvered through the castle discreetly, entering the small sanctuary dedicated to the goddesses that was set aside for the royal family.
He hadn’t expected to see Zelda there.
The room was only just a little larger than Link’s own bedchambers, wooden pews lining in pairs for four rows, leading up to an altar where the ancient goddesses shimmered in golden splendor high on the wall. Beneath them was a depiction of Hylia, harp in hand. The altar glowed in different colors as moonlight spilled through stained glass, flanked by incense that slowly trailed tendrils up to the heavens.
Zelda sat on the floor just in front of the statues and altar, a blanket wrapped tightly around her, knees drawn to her chest.
Link felt like he shouldn’t be here. He was likely the reason she was praying, hunched over in such a vulnerable position. The Queen of Hyrule should be seated at the pews, or perhaps standing in front of the alter with hands folded over her heart. Instead, she looked like a child seeking comfort. It made Link feel all the more uneasy.
But no. He shouldn’t leave her like this. That was cruel.
Is it crueler for her father’s killer to be near her?
Ozen’s face flashed through Link’s mind again, nagging at him. He shook the image away, only slightly perturbed that it haunted him. He’d killed hundreds. This couldn’t be any different. It couldn’t.
Slowly, Link walked to the front of the chapel, sitting on the floor beside her.
Zelda didn’t acknowledge him initially. The cold of the stone floor brought some life back to him, trying to push the fog in his head away. He started trembling, catching himself off guard.
“Do you think Farore made us to suffer?” the queen asked quietly, eyes never leaving the golden statues above.
Link watched her a moment, uncertain, and then followed her gaze. The Golden Three looked serenely back at the pair. His eyes traced over the scales of justice in Nayru’s hand, over the flowers blossoming and encircling Farore’s arm, the fire and stone sparking around Din’s fingers.
“I don’t see why that would be the case,” he answered truthfully. “They have no need to make us just to watch us suffer.”
“What if we’re their entertainment?” Zelda questioned almost bitterly.
Link honestly sometimes debated if they even mattered to the goddesses, but the Triforce had chosen them, so clearly they had their favor, for whatever that was worth.
“Farore made us for a reason,” Link settled on saying. “I don’t think she wants us to suffer. I wouldn’t make something to watch it suffer. I wouldn’t want to see our children suffer.”
He supposed, then, that perhaps with that logic Farore had to care at least a little bit. But perhaps she was too removed, too busy dealing with something else – his destiny, once entwined to her graces, was over, after all.
“I suppose our suffering is our own fault, then,” he admitted. “We must be doing something wrong.”
He wished he could take the words back as soon as he’d spoken them—he’d decided to sit here to comfort Zelda, blast it—but he had no way to retract them. He himself had thought it multiple times, wondering why he was the way he was. Clearly it was his fault. He didn’t pray enough. He knew that. It wasn’t as if Hylia wouldn’t help if he petitioned her, even if Farore was too far to reach. She’d answered his prayers in the past, when he still bothered to speak to her.
Zelda was quiet for a long time before looking at the ground, pulling her knees a little closer, eyes staring somewhere beyond the stone floor. “We aren’t the only ones Farore made. We all have destinies, we all play our part. Just because others break the pieces of the puzzle, just because we bleed when we try to fit together as a result… that isn’t our fault.”
The words settled heavily in his mind and heart, and a million scenarios ran through his mind. Ganondorf, ruining everyone’s lives with his selfishness and pride. Ozen, almost destroying Hyrule time and again with his own paranoia. Zelda, constantly using those around her to further her agenda.
Link, helpless and pathetic and stupid, letting himself be hurt time and again, wallowing in self-pity like a child pitching a fit, undeserving of any sort of praise or love given all the idiocy he’d done.
He almost smiled. “I’m constantly reminded why Nayru chose you with her grace. I imagine your explanation is the correct one.”
The pair sat beside each other, each lost in their own thoughts. Link wanted to look up at the statues again, perhaps even to try and pray, but found he didn’t even have the energy to raise his head. Instead, he watched his hands, convincing himself he’d scrubbed off the blood for the millionth time that night.
He probably shouldn’t have killed him. Ozen was no murderer. He may have been brandishing a sword, but he hardly knew how to use it. He may have been yelling at his daughter, but he had never actually hurt her.
How could Link have known that she wouldn’t get hurt, though? How could he have stopped himself, when years of anger and hurt snapped at once, when all he saw was blood and all he felt was rage?
What was wrong with him?
What was he at this point? Had he ever been a Hero? He was no Hero now. He hardly felt empathy anymore, hardly felt anything. Dealing with the insurgents was the first time he’d felt life breathe through him in what felt like years.
Even now, despite how he ached at the pain emanating from Zelda, he could still feel anger and impatience trying to burn inside him. He had the gall to be frustrated that Zelda was suffering like this because of his actions, the audacity to be upset that he had to comfort her after she’d watched him murder her father.
When had it gotten this bad? Why couldn’t he fix it? Could he fix it?
Zelda swallowed, taking a slow, deep breath, and when he looked at her, he could see how she bit her lip to control her emotions.
“I still loved him,” she whispered, barely audible, voice breaking.
The queen of Hyrule began to cry quietly, trying to hide her tears from her husband. Link tensed even further, stomach rolling in protest, heart slamming against his ribs. The frustration boiled to the top and he looked away for a moment, frozen in anger and fear and exhaustion and hurt and guilt, not sure what he should feel, knowing, begging himself to comfort the woman beside him, unable to speak a word.
He dug his nails into his skin until they broke through. It made his body feel like ice in an instant, quieting his mind and heart. He felt sick. This was his fault. He wanted to run and never look back.
Instead, he leaned slowly towards her, wrapping an arm around Zelda, inviting her to rest against him. She started to sob, wrapping herself more tightly in her blanket, burying her face in his shoulder.
Link just held her as she cried. He couldn’t speak for the longest time, but the longer her tears stained his tunic, the worse he felt. The anger dissipated, exhaustion burned away, leaving a raw, raw emptiness and hurt that he couldn’t put any words to, a wound that had scarred and reopened time and again over the years, never healing fully, never addressed, and never leaving him alone.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, hardly able to get the words out. “I’m sorry.”
Once the words came out, they wouldn’t stop. He apologized over and over and over, images of Ozen, of Ganondorf, of Hemisi, of Merovar, of fallen Sheikah and Gerudo and Hylians, of Lady Impa bleeding on the floor after the attack, of his children watching him, of his own blood dripping down his body—I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry—
The King and Queen of Hyrule wept bitterly into the night, their cries carried on incense rising into the sky.
#this counts right#King Ozen certainly didn't set Zelda up for success#Link's own trauma didn't set him up for success#so there.#idk I wrote this just to vent and then I was like “wait whumptober's happening and that's an excuse to hurt blorbos unapologetically”#the prompt kind of works whatever#imprisoning war#hero of power#for context Zelda's father had followers that tried to overthrow her years after the war#they hurt Impa in the process and Link and Zelda were NOT happy#they fought back and overthrew the usurpers but Ozen tried one last time to take over#he probably would have never actually hurt his daughter but if he panicked and thought she would hurt him he might have#but Link is a trained killer and does not know how to regulate his emotions#it's a bad mix#whumptober#legend of zelda#imprisoning war zelda#writing
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hot take? i don't think blurryface is going to be "defeated" by the end of the lore. he might be the villain of the story but at the same time he's a living part of tyler as well. i think they'll win, but not completely eradicate the existence of blurryface. they might suppress him, or learn to peacefully coexist with him, or outgrow his influence or whatever - that's the "managing the tension" part. we also have to keep in mind that tyler is still struggling to some extent with his insecurities and vulnerabilities (though he's gotten much better ofc) and i think that aspect will be reflected in his art.
besides, they've said that some people might not like the ending, which insinuates we won't be getting a perfectly hunky-dory happy ending. i also don't think tyler is the type to give this kind of story a sunshines and rainbows type of closure.
the core message of twenty one pilots, although it has certainly evolved over the years, is that it's fine to be not okay, but you must fight for your survival. i think that the lore ending will leave us with the message that broken as we are, we have to stay alive AND push on through - and before you know it, you'll be in a much better place than when you first started.
#i feel like ive said this before so apologies if it sounds repetitive#i just had to get it out#and to add#i was in a godawful fucking state when i first started listening to tøp#but i am doing much much better now#i have friends i have a job i graduated i function fairly normally in life#but that doesnt mean my blurryface is gone#i still struggle and some parts of me feel perpetually broken#whats comforting though is that my ability to regulate my feelings and life have gotten much stronger#sometimes i do feel like ive relapsed and its terrible#'ive been praying for my elasticity to return to the way that it was'#but when that horrible moment passes i realize that i actually have become better and stronger#i keep myself alive and push on through#im still working on learning to lessen the burden i put on myself#and coexist with my blurryface#but i am getting somewhere#sorry for babbling and venting but what i wanted to say is that#i relate to where the trench story is going and itd make sense for blurry to still be there by the end of it all#just with less power over tyler#tøp#twenty one pilots#clancy#blurryface#my god these tags be so long lmfao
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