#Plus I'm still trying to figure out how to run a discord server

[jeonghanspookie]

The Plan

"Okay so what are we gonna do about Y/N and Vernon?"

The group of 12 decided they have had enough of the weird tension between their two friends. They all gathered at Mingyu's apartment to come up with a plan that could get the two to reconcile.

Of course they also made this meetup an excuse to get Mingyu to cook them a meal and for Seungcheol to buy them some drinks.

In fact the meetup was starting to look like one of their bbq nights.

Chan, who was currently making himself a wrap, spoke up, "Yeah we gotta figure out how to get the two to make up. I can't work under these conditions anymore!"

Jeonghan nodded his head. "Yeah and I don't think I can play another round of Dress to Impress with Y/N. One can only troll so much on Roblox."

"No yeah we definitely need to get them to reconcile."

"I've had enough of seeing Vernon eat Toast every lunch"

"Yeah I don't know if I can do another Taco Bell run with Y/N. Everything tastes the same to me know"

"And if I have to listen to Vernon explaining which Shrek movie is the best out of the whole franchise again I'm gonna crash out for real"

With a mouth full of rice, Soonyoung made a sound of agreement. "Whaf ebenf haftend-" he let out muffled.

"I don't know but I'm guessing it happened after work on Tuesday. They were fine with each other during their closing shifts that day, but when they came in the next morning they were acting so cold to each other." Dokyeom said while continuing to flip the meat on the grill.

From across the table Junhui was eyeing the biggest piece pork belly on the grill.

Joshua made a displeased face. "Maybe they were just mad they had to open after closing"

"Nah" Seungkwan started, "They were both being normal to everyone else. Plus the two of them play games til like 2 AM everyday so it doesn't make a difference if they closed the night before.

The piece of pork was one flip away from being grilled to perfection.

"WAIT THATS IT!" Wonwoo exclaimed.

"Huh"

Seokmin flipped the piece of pork.

Wonwoo stood up to explain, "Tuesday nights are when we work on our Minecraft neighborhood."

"Nerds" Seungcheol interrupted.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes. "Anyway. They were fine before I left the discord call and the Minecraft server and that was a little after midnight. So something most likely happened after that."

He then looked over to Soonyoung and Seokmin. "You guys were still in the server with them after I left right? Did anything happen?"

Soonyoung shrugged. "We weren't there for long after you left.."

"Yeah we got kicked out of the call and the server since we kept arguing because Soonyoung killed my horse!" Seokmin glared at the so called horse killer.

"THAT WASNT MY FAULT AND YOU KNOW IT"

"THE SCREEN LITERALLY SAID 'KING KONG WAS SLAIN BY HORANGHAE96' OF COURSE IT WAS YOUR FAULT"

Junhui finally picked up the precious piece of pork and put it on his plate.

"I was just trying to ride your horse." Soonyoung pouted. "I didn't know I was hitting him with my sword"

"There's literally a button to get on the horse" Jihoon interjected.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!"

Right as Soonyoung yelled out his defense, he stood up with his arms out, bumping into Junhui's shoulder in the process making Jun drop the piece of pork belly he had almost brought to his mouth.

"Wait you named your horse King Kong?" Joshua quesy Seokmin.

Junhui now stares at his piece of pork that is now on the floor.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter" Mingyu said as he brought in some more bowls of rice. "Let's just figure out what happened and how to fix it."

Seungkwan agreed. "Yeah! We're losing the plot!"

"Why don't yall go back on the server and see if anything happened." Minghao suggested.

Jun settles for the next best piece of pork.

"Oh what the fuck"

"It says Vernon made the world private"

"What does that mean?"

"It means only he can he join the server."

"Tell Vernon to come over right now. We need answers!"

15 minutes later

"So yeah. Basically I accidentally led a creeper into the underground tunnels we have connecting our houses together and Y/N got too close to it and it ended up blowing up part of her house. Specifically Dumbledore's room." Vernon explained.

"Dumbledore? Like the wizard? I thought you guys were playing Minecraft?"

Wonwoo sighed. "Y/N named her cat in Minecraft Dumbledore"

"Ohhh"

"So that explains why she's mad at you" Minghao concludes. "Now why are you mad at her?"

Vernon runs his hands up and down his face.

"So after the creeper exploded Y/N got mad at me because when she went to go look at the damage she noticed that Dumbledore was gone. And because she got mad at me she went to my house and destroyed my bed and then she started chasing me around with her netherite sword. Before I knew it she killed my character and I had to respond at the default spawn point because she destroyed my bed. At least I had the coordinates but Y/N turned them off so I couldn't go back to the neighborhood. So then I got mad and we started arguing and then it ended with me kicking her out of the server." Vernon ended with a frown on his face.

"I'm not even mad at Y/N, it was just in the moment. Now I feel so bad because her house is destroyed and Dumbledore is gone"

"Yall are really fighting over some stup-" Jihoon starts.

"What Jihoon means to say is that we can fix this." Seungkwan says as he covers Jihoon's mouth before he could finish his sentence that could have potentially made Vernon even sadder.

"Yeah just spawn a cat that looks like Dumbledore and say that he was outside and not in his room." Joshua says.

Seems reasonable.

Vernon looks at the group with an unconvinced face. "I don't know guys. That just feels wrong."

Jeonghan pats the younger boy's back. "If it makes you feel any better, that's probably the 9th Dumbledore we'll replace"

Vernon looks up at him.

"WHAT"

Jeonghan nods. "Yeah the original Dumbledore was gone a long time ago. It got in the way when I was trying to shoot arrows at a skeleton and I ended up hitting him instead."

Vernon's jaw dropped.

"I accidentally left his door open once and a zombie got to him." Soonyoung admitted.

"Pretty sure Mingyu killed him once too because he thought it was a mob"

Vernon looked to the group with his eyes wide. "So you guys have been replacing Dumbledore with a clone every time you get him killed?"

"Yeah pretty much"

"Do you think Y/N will believe us?"

"How do you even have the cat spawn egg? We turned off the option to switch to creative mode."

"I have my ways"

"OH MY GOD! Dumbledore was outside in the garden Vern! He's perfectly fine!" Y/N cheered over the discord call.

"Thank goodness he's safe." Vernon says slowly.

"Aw I'm sorry I made you go back to the OV spawn point." Y/N says apologetically. "Here let me turn on cords so you can get back and we can keep expanding the tunnels!"

"Down! We should rebuild Dumbledore's room first!"

"Right!" Y/N laughed. "Let's go!"

As the two were playing and chatting over discord, the rest of the 12 boys looked over at Vernon smiling at the computer screen with a fond smiles on their faces.

Balance was restored.

prev <- masterlist -> next

A/N: Yeah some of this doesn't follow Minecraft laws but whatever.

[floofanflurr]

How would you feel about an AU that has Papyrus being Toriel's Door Buddy instead, and is the one that promised to protect Frisk (and unlike Sans, Papyrus does a decent job)? ;)

I'm now trying to figure out if you are an anon that's in my discord server, because otherwise the timing of this ask is INSANE, considering when this ask came in I was just talking about the absolute crack ship pairing of PapyrusxToriel (Torius) in order to have Mom times two. (Goat mom plus skelemom)

...ON THAT NOTE, I FREAKING LOVE THAT IDEA HOLY S H I T. Stars, i freaking love this concept so much?!?!?!??!?! ITS BRILLIANT. Is this a "there's a fic/AU like this out there and i'm reccing it" suggestion or a "hey you wanna write this" suggestion? ...BECAUSE IF ITS THE SECOND I HIGHKEY WANNA ADD IT TO MY PROMPT LISTS.

(Okay i rambled a lot more than i expected - sticking it under a cut)

Stars, I love it so much. I can just picture Papyrus running into Toriel - I do wonder - she would probably have to be the one to initiate the knock knock joke. But Papyrus would absolute keep coming back to humor her - both because he's lonely, but also because she reminds him of his brother in the worst (best) way. And then he would have another friend to add to his very, very short list, and Toriel would have consistent company and the best kinds of reactions (because what pun lover DOESN'T love getting groans in exchange for bad jokes?)

i wonder what kinds of conversations would pop up...? Because Papyrus is quite loud about his desire to be in the royal guard - and to capture a human. Would Toriel still bring up the promise in the same way? Would she be reluctant to befriend him? Perhaps she would, quite scathingly, decry the murder of children -human or otherwise - and force Papyrus to confront exactly what the guard does.

And the potential of Papyrus and Toriel being the ones to meet first and how that could play out- they're both such desperately lonely people. Their dynamic could also have some interesting things at play with Toriel's tendency to mother and smother, and Papyrus's existing experience with that with Undyne. Would Toriel smother him? How would that play out? Would Papyrus every confront her about it?

And, even with this interesting dynamic, inevitably, Papyrus would agree to her request to protect the human in a heartbeat, honestly. One of his very few friends asking him that? He would probably struggle with the idea at first, since this is directly opposed to Undyne (similarly to how he struggles in the game after he befriends frisk) but ultimately i think he would still lean immediately to protect, and therefore would agree to the promise. And then, of course, we get to Frisk actually showing up. He really would do a great job! I think he would still lead them through his puzzles, and we honestly might even still get a battle if he phrases it as training - but he would up and yoink frisk out of any Encounters before their HP got too low. Conflict resolution of the distinctly non-murdery kind!

Then we get waterfall....

I wonder if Papyrus would try to pull something a la "How to Protect a Human from Your Murderous Best Friend"? Would he lie? Would he try to sneak Frisk through? Would he fight Undyne...? Would he try to reason with her...? Reverse psychology a la Undyne date but early (and not nearly as effective without Frisk having spared her already)???

And the amount of Frisk and Papyrus interaction I could fit in!!! ALL the dad Papyrus content!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gosh I freaking love this idea so much. There's so much to consider!!! SO MANY WAYS IT COULD GO!

...and of course, i could fit in my crackship pair of Torius.

...I may come back to this later and actually plan it out better if this isn't already a thing.

[ghostradiodylan]

[s k i l l ]

So, we talk a lot about Quarry headcanons and what could have been on the Brainrot Discord server that Kat made and one of the things I keep thinking about is how they gave (at least some of) the characters these sets of skills that never really impact gameplay, and I think it would be really cool if they did. Like, if there was more variety in who could be sent on which path. Switching Kaitlyn to the Hackett house path with Laura and Ryan to the scrapyard with Dylan being a popular one for fanfic, but also, idk, maybe Dylan won't let Ryan go without him so he ends up on the Hackett house path too? Maybe Abi steps up to go with Kaitlyn to the scrapyard and has to figure out the crane even though it's way out of her skillset, maybe Emma and Jacob can actually come back and link up with the rest of the gang instead of being stuck out in the woods for so long, stuff like that.

I'm just thinking about what their skills might be and how that might impact the game. Also keep in mind that if the character you most need for a task ends up up dead before that task comes along, it's going to be carnage for everyone else, which would up the replay value significantly IMO.

Kaitlyn: Shooting. She's a MUCH better shot than Ryan, if we can believe the Shooting Stars scoreboard (four of the actual children attending the camp score higher than him), but we never see that in the game? What if the aiming mechanism was actually different between different characters? What if there were shots you could make more easily as Kaitlyn, that were harder to pull off as Ryan?

Ryan: Agility. Guy does a lot of running and jumping, what if there were timed segments that were easier to complete as Ryan within the allotted time, or else something consequential happened? Good luck if you ended up plodding along with Jacob instead, now Abi and Nick are both mauled and turning, or something like that.

Dylan: Tech. Dylan's the physics nerd who slays at the crane game. What if you could bring him to the Hackett house and he could figure out the electric circuit puzzle in no time, but that meant someone else had to help Kaitlyn in the scrapyard? Maybe Ryan can still save Jacob without him but he takes too much time and the Hacketts catch you and pick off one of your party.

Jacob: Strength. Jakey's probably the buffest of the dudes, so maybe there are times you need a pair of strong arms or legs and Jacob's the only one who can come through. They also show us him picking locks but he never does that in an impactful situation, so maybe he'd have a lesser talent for that as well.

Abi: Stealth. Okay, so Abi runs and hides? Maybe she's awesome at hiding, then? Maybe she can get through parts of the game undiscovered by the werewolves that other characters can't. Maybe her being short AF means she can fit into hiding spots that you can't cram the leggy bois like Dylan and Nick into.

Emma: Observation. Emma's always watching and analyzing everyone's behavior and documenting things on her phone. Maybe she can find evidence or tarot cards others can't, or put pieces of the mystery together in ways no one else thinks of. Emma's a badass in the game, but it would be cool to see her 'documentarian' side come in handy prior to the credits rolling, too.

Nick: Climbing. I completely made this up because we don't get to see Nick do much besides try to pull his crush, suck face on a dare with Emma, and get mauled, but we do know he takes kids through the ropes course based on his dialogue with Abi, plus he's tall so he's got long arms and legs! Maybe he's the aerial expert. Maybe he can scale fences and get important items down from trees. Maybe he can climb up and free other characters who get stuck in those snare traps. (Obviously this assumes someone else can be the Designated Werewolf Victim, which I also think would improve the game.)

This also assumes Laura and Max keep their current roles, but I'd be up for that to be changeable too. It's not that I necessarily want a higher number of choices available, I just want the choices we can make to actually impact the gameplay and story arc more! Anyway, that's my Quarry ramble for the day (unless I come up with another one). Anyone else have thoughts?

[slylock-syl]

Hey Syllll! Long time, no chat! I just wanted to get this off my chest before i go ham trying to figure out what i wanna commission from you soon.

I have been reading Undersource for years now, and i think we've both come a long way since then! God, that feels weird to say, i'm not even old enough to drink yet lmao. But! I am old enough to spend my money responsibly now, which is nuts given that my responsible spending is now aimed at getting art of my blorbos LOL.

You've grown as an artist so much since i first started reading- i think that was around... the pirate arc? Not sure! But i do remember the early days of me having discord, during the EKD server category era. But anyways, i know the way you drew our favorite skeletons was different back then, and it's all gotten so much smoother in that time. You're also (at least seemingly) taking way better care of yourself! You've set boundaries, you've set more time for yourself and not the blog, and you're still happily chugging along, after all these years. Not to mention you're working on this side story now, which i'm fairly certain you've been looking forward to for a while.

How's that sleeping though? Do you still have the sleep cycle of an austalian? Can't say i'm any better, im slowly becoming nocturnal again lol. Some things NEVER change.

Anyways. All this to say: im really proud to have been part of this little community for so long. To see the comic and its artist come so far. Even if im not a diehard fan anymore, im glad i can still take a little time every weekend to realize "OH, U/S shoulda updated!" and run over here. Thanks for giving me a good starting point of community on this god damned hellsite.

(Here's to sleepy 5 am "you're great" asks LMAO)

sjksdhLKSDJFHG THIS IS SUCH A SWEET MESSAGE OMG-

Hi Azzy! :D I'm glad you still like my work even after all this time! Thank you for sticking around! :D

I have been taking better care of myself these days! I'm (only sometimes begrudgingly XD) going on daily walks (Pikmin Bloom is really helping with that, I love Pikmin they're so cute), and made some new friends! When I first started this blog I was convinced I had to constantly/frequently produce content, and I time went on I slowly realized that wasn't really viable, so I slowly trimmed down the workloads for better manageability, I'd say it's helped a lot! Even if it may not look like it sometimes XD

There was a point before I adjusted my work schedule where I figured out that I may have been riding a creative burnout for a long while, as when I looked back it felt like my work had begun to visually stagnate. I think at the time I was cramming working on the comic update across only 3 or 4 days (Wednesday/Thursday to Saturday mornings, sometimes down to the wire), with several hours of just constant work (plus any distractions and 3 daily asks) because I was procrastinating so badly X'D I'm still recovering from the visual stagnation, but I'm definitely trying to experiment where I can! I may not be the best at it but I hope I'm improving at least ksjdghLSDGH My current schedule is MUCH more spaced out and much more manageable, spanning Sunday to Friday and broken down into stages for each day, and Saturdays are my designated day off~

As for the side story, it's one I've had around for quite a while and have been excited to finally show off! There were a few people who were interested in it when it was first teased, though I've no idea if they're still around, if they are I hope they're enjoying the story so far as well! 💜

Oddly enough my sleep schedule is no longer on Cthulhu Standard Time SKSDJGHDLG We had a TON of construction going on in the house the past few months and it was way too awkward to sleep with a bunch of strangers either being in or near my room, as well as making a LOT of noise sjkdhgLKSDJG There was a brief section of time where I'd actually go to bed at a "normal" time and get up at like, 9 or 10 am X'D Though it's slowly sneaking it's way into afternoons to 3 or 4 AM after I feed the kitties, kinda like my old college schedule XD

Thank you again for liking my work and sticking around! I really appreciate it!! :D

I may not be anywhere near whatever my "peak" was a few years ago, but I'm still happy to keep going for those who still come around! 💜

[edible-emerald]

gonna try and make a proper pinned post lmfao

LINK TO A THERIAN DISCORD SERVER THAT I OWN THAT'S SUPER COOL AND AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD JOIN

SYSCOURSE CODE: 👍/❤️🗯/📘/🔺🔶/🔵/🌘🌕/🟧/🌲/🌥️☀️/💭/🐊/🐌🐞/🐳

PLURAL CODE: 🌄/❓/🔥/🍀/🐨🐏/🎧/⚡/ (We're still figuring a lot out)

A LOT OF THIS WAS WRITTEN BEFORE WE KNEW WE WERE PLURAL WE'LL UPDATE SOON I PROMISE MOST OF THIS APPLIES TO THE HOST

Howdy. You can call me Emerald, Calypso or Syren. My pronouns are she/they/xe/it. (Girlflux) Usually any are fine to use but they do fluctuate, so ask. Even if you use listed pronouns when I don't want you do I don't usually care all too much. I'm bodily a minor.

My sexuality and romantic attraction are very weird, I can say confidentially I'm on the aro/ace spectrum and a lesbian. I've been calling myself reciprosexual/romantic (Is that how its spelled?????) and my repulsion to sex/romance is highly fluctuating.

Because I am a minor, I ask that adults respect their own DNIs if they have that. If you don't, you may interact; but I get defensive, argumentative and anxious very easily, especially around adults.

Idk how I never added it but my mental disorders and disabilities are: ADHD (Diagnosed at age 9) Depression (Diagnosed at age 11) Social anxiety (Self diagnosed) Autism (Highly suspected/in the process of pursuing a diagnosis) Some sort of trauma disorder (Suspected, talking with my therapist about possible PTSD) OCD (Suspected, not as much anymore though) DID/OSDD (We're a sys(let) so the chances are relatively high, plus other symptoms) NPD (Suspected)

We're desirdae! We use a lot of desirdae & dissomei labels, however some major ones are desirfakesui, desirpermateen, desirworsen, desirpermadaydream, and a few others.

On most websites I use the username edible_emerald, including discord and ao3.

Median. I'm still figuring out this identity and questioning it so it's kinda a placeholder and we're gonna try and become more distinct but keep that in mind. Simply plural is Abysstem, if you friend me tell me your tumblr username when you do (I may decline sorry)

We're a Mixed Origin system! More specifically, Esogenic and our term, Hexabyssgenic. if you have a problem with it than block button is there for your convenience <3

I'm alterhuman!! Therian, otherkin, conceptkin, holothere, otherhearted, and voidkin. Theriotype: Northwestern grey (gray? grey? hwo the fyuck do you spell it) wolf, kintype: mermaid, and i'm also a mermaid holothere :> I'm questioning Lynx/wild feline, along with something winged (but I'm not too sure anymore). I’m also mermaidhearted and have other hearttypes that I’ve been too lazy to figure out but I will eventually. I'm also conceptkin of the concept of dissociation because uhhh fuck you

I post art sometimes

Also I like to write!! :3

MY SPINTEREST IS MCYT!!!! I LOVE!!!!!! MCYT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KSMP LSSMP UU PARK/PVPCIV CSMP TRSMP AND WHITEPINE OHHH I LOVE YOU OHHH I LVOE YOU

My mains/favs in no specific order are : (c! means all iterations of the character are my favorite)

c!Loppezz

ls/uu!Spoke

c!Ashswag

c!Squiddo

ls!4CVIT

tr/uu!Pangi

ls!Kaboodle

c!Ivory

c!RAT/Doctor4t

csmp!Luxintrus

c!Planetlord

c!Nufuli

+ more

Current hyperfixation: STUDIO INVESTIGRAVE UUUUAAAGHRRGHHGGHHHHH OHH HYM GOD RODY IFS SO FUCKIGN STUPID OHH BOK-SU THYEE COULD NEVR MAKE ME HATE OYUUU.... also ARCANE OJOHIHOHH ARCANE OMG ARCANE ARCANE ILY ARCANE TIMBOMB MAKES ME ILL OHHH ARCANE. SOMe previous hyperfixations include LU/TOTK/TLOZ, TOH, CSMP, KOTLC, TADC, HH, HB, MD, TOS (1 and 2), and chess. I write fanfiction a bit and you can find my writings on my ao3 account (edible_emerald)

I run a plethora of sideblogs, ask if you're curious

I can reclaim the slurs faggot, retard, dyke, lesbo and tranny but I don't really use them very often (also i'm extremely uncomfortable with being called a retard or retarded even if it's reclaimed or as a joke, please don't, also please don't call me stupid or insult my intelligence at all /srs)

I will update this when I remember stuff lmao

I will try to respect your boundaries, but I may forget and accidentally misgender you, break your boundaries, make you uncomfortable, etc. Please correct me if I do! We're autistic so sometimes it's hard to tell TvT

I'm pretty petty keep that in mind I am NOT the bigger person

My only DNI are that bigots DNI. I also ask that Harry Potter and DSMP fans DNI *UNLESS* I interact first, then you're welcome to.

astrothetherian supporters fuck off lmao you're unfunny as hell

As for my other DNIs, I don't have any, anyone can interact. You will want to keep in mind that I'm:

Pro endogenic/tulpamancer/willogenic systems

We believe tulpamancy isn't cultural appropriation as we've seen screenshots from Tibetan Buddhists saying it was OK, but if you have people who are Tibetan Buddhists saying otherwise please let me know /srs

Pro self-diagnosing (with research)

Shipcourse is stupid. I guess we're technically proship/profic (in the sense that we believe in "ship and let ship" and won't harass people over it but don't actually ship problematic things ourselves) but we still ask darkshippers DNI (because it makes us uncomfortable) also anyone who calls themselves "antiship" unironically DNI you're all the most insufferable people on the planet (if you say you're anti proship you can interact because only people using 'antiship' get involved in shipcourse. hardcore shipcoursers also DNI you're literally the most obnoxious people out there disrespectfully)

Pro contradictory labels (we don't fully understand most of them but we don't care it doesn't harm anyone)

Anti Radqueer, TransID critical (we understand why they may be used but we believe that they aren't OK to use anyways, this excludes non harmful transIDs (ex: transhaircolor) though you should be extremely wary while using them as well as being aware of the connotations even if untrue, not letting transautistics into autistic spaces is not akin to not letting trans women in womens bathrooms and saying so is transphobic, putting "trans" in front of things like "abuser" or "groomer" after you've "transitioned" doesn't make you a transgroomer, it makes you a groomer, being transharmful due to intrusive thoughts is harmful to those with them and the destigmatization of intrusive thoughts)

Pro TransID alternatives (such as desirdae, dissomei, etc) AS LONG AS you are against harmful transitioning

Send an ask and we can go into more depth on any of these opinions

I block freely though.

Click the link below to help Palestinians in need. It's free and only takes a few seconds!

I really love these userboxes :3 below the cut is just a bunch more userboxes

[usagi-miyamoto]

[Rubs my gay little hands together] I have so many drafts that are almost done, and soon I might be able to edit them and publish new fics hehe >:3

[luminous-studiess]

Ummm so I'm new to tumblr so don't judge if I did something wrong.Ummm how can I be like you? Like you know? Productive and smart.I always push myself but ended up being distracted by things (I have adhd and depression).I can't even remember anything after.I suffer,and continue suffering, from my mental illnesses.I just can't keep myself on track.My family makes fun of me for trying.I'm actually trying to find a part time job here but nothing hires minors.Idk please help meee.

hi, friend! answer under the cut because this will be long. 

please know you’re doing nothing wrong, and that the fact you keep trying to become better and to push yourself to always get things done despite difficult circumstances already shows that you ARE already productive and smart. 

second, it also helped me when i was struggling very heavily last year to learn  two things: 1) there will always be particularly bad days when you live with mental illness, but all the little efforts you take, it slowly does get less difficult. getting better does not mean completely getting rid of all the symptoms you experience, but mostly just learning the best ways and small, gentle things you can do for yourself to manage your condition. this really requires a gentle but firm balance between pushing yourself to do the things you absolutely need to do, but also knowing when what level of work/school/self-care or hobbies is the limit, so that you don’t get too overwhelmed.  this means most of the time, you don’t have to worry about being productive for its own sake. it helps me when i feel like i’m drowning to know how little i can do/the most non-negotiable bare minimum, that still helps me not to fall behind.

^ this is a small, cheap pad of sticky notes i carry with me throughout my entire day. it’s only big enough so that i can only write a few school tasks/personal things i need to do/chores, which helps me evaluate what exactly i can only get done, especially on days where i don’t feel well. checking off absolutely everything on my tiny list makes me feel like i’ve accomplished a lot, because i i have-- they aren’t necessarily a lot of tasks, but they’re the ones that i know really do need to get done. it also helps me focus when i have a lot of nervous energy, and have a panicked sense of “so many things need to get done!!!?” because i can give myself a bit of time to sit down, maybe turn on an episode of a show i like or make some coffee, and write down my tasks. it really helps me with the faint, tiny guilt and dread i used to feel day by day that i was being unproductive or lazy, because now i know i’ve fulfilled all my obligations to myself (everything from doing laundry, to making dinner) and to other people (schoolwork and other tasks). it’s okay to move at the pace that’s only possible for you right now. it’s better to feel comfortable with the smallest things you can do, and build on that as the days come. 2) getting distracted is normal, given Everything Happening Right Now, plus with a mental health condition that makes it hard to focus. it can also be hard to remember things when i study, because of my own health conditions, but i’ve found that the following things have helped: regarding distraction - use a small system that keeps you from accessing any distractions when you need to get something done. i try to leave my non-essential device in another room, and set up a timer-based blocker, to limit the websites i access. - i try to acknowledge the distractions as they come, and try to figure out why: am i hungry? am i tired? have i gotten enough sleep? do i need a break? if it isn’t anything serious, i just acknowledge that i’ve gone briefly off-track-- without guilt, without judgment. then i try to turn my mind back to the task at hand. - a good ambient playlist can make me feel more focused during hard tasks in the sense that i have some form of stimulation to keep the “itchiness” at bay. video game soundtracks and film soundtracks are also wonderful for long, tricky tasks.  - sometimes i just have to start to feel motivated-- the focus actually comes in in the middle of the task. the fact of starting something may actually make you feel motivated.

- procrastinate productively: sometimes when i really don’t want to study i turn on a movie or a show and use the time to clean my room or fold laundry. my life still feels put-together, and i enjoyed myself! win-win.

- and sometimes i realize that focus may be impossible at the moment: take a break, go for a run, do something you like, take a nap.  regarding learning and remembering things i used to have the worst time recalling things for school, until i prioritized two things: SLEEP, and not cramming. i used to get extremely poor grades in my first year of law school because i would put off studying at the last and latest moment-- a few days before exams, pulling all-nighters right up until the hour the exam started. i would also just use my free time to scroll on social media, instead of taking a nap or going to bed early. this was absolutely wrong. during the exam, i couldn’t recall anything because i was too tired, too frazzled, probably didn’t have breakfast, and because i had started and finished half a semester of reading in one night. my grades have gotten much better lately-- i’d like to think it’s because i’ve centered it around two things: (a) getting enough sleep every single night (helpful ESPECIALLY if you have health problems-- mental or physical), and (b) making exam day the least stressful it can be. how do i do this? - this means not only learning things for the exam, but also for classes on a daily period. you don’t have to study particularly hard, but you just have to study enough that you can understand what the professor is saying in class. set definite study hours every day, stop at a very specific and reasonable hour, and go to bed. try to get at least 6 hours of sleep. sleep helps me absorb everything better (idk science but this is from experience and also some very smart people i know ALSO prioritize getting sleep). wake up at a reasonable hour.  - how to study: read the syllabus, and try to get a decent overview of all the topics you need to cover before you start testing/making flashcards/doing active recall (which is IMPORTANT bc this helps you actually train your brain to retrieve information). imho as someone low-energy i find that rewriting notes/making reviewers/making flashcards makes me very tired and leaves very little time for actual studying, so it just helps to test myself by looking at the syllabus and trying to explain the concept to myself, then peeking at the textbook or materials to see what i’m missing. mind-maps are also energy-efficient ways of figuring out how concepts fit together. - how to study for exams: the very latest you should start is a week ahead. two weeks ahead is ideal. map out how much information you need to re-learn from the syllabus. move slowly with the aim of finishing the coverage by the first week. the second is for reviewing and RESTING. - THE NIGHT BEFORE THE EXAM: do a final, gentle survey over the topics you may not understand. stop at 10 pm. go to sleep.  - EXAM DAY: you’ve done the work. take the time to eat breakfast, test yourself SLOWLY AND GENTLY (avoid reading huge chunks of textbook at this point-- youll only confuse yourself), and set up your workspace to take the exam. crush said exam. as a final note: it can be hard to get things done when the people closest to you aren’t supportive. try to reach out on studyblr and find discord study with me servers, or study communities on reddit (they’re actually really nice), or with students in your class. if you need to talk, just dm me. you can do this friend, okay? take care always. gentler days will come. 

[alannahaisling]

The day I slipped into a Panic and anxiety attack.

This, this is going to be long winded.

I'm just going to come out and say it. No, I don't want sympathy. This is just me using this particular blog for what it was meant for. A space for me to vent, to be my authentic self. To reflect, to just let things spill out from my mind through my fingers and onto the screen on which you may be reading this.

First things first. The Icons I'll be using here are not rp muns, they are simply my emotions on display. My IRL self as displayed by characters I adore from the Teen Titans fandom.

Ooookay lets get down it.

I help moderate a stream, have been doing it for a while. I became fast friends with the streamer and pull long hours. Roughly 4-5 hours per stream, unless I have class the next day.

To my knowledge, nobody ever had an issue with me. Save the odd person here or there, that may have disagreed with me, but at least they would tell me to my face, and I would shrug it off and move on. It was as simple as that.

My friend, who I love to death, has on more than one occasion had to reassure me that I was actually doing a good job. I lost count how many times I asked if I needed to improve, or if there were any rough areas that may need to change.

A good chunk of the time, they would just kinda raise their voice, and be like. "Damnit, you're good. You're fine." and then try to cheer me up with silly cat pictures. My ultimate kryptonite.

This friend of mine has worked with me for a few years now, talking about deep heavy personal stuff. They know I am medically diagnosed with ptsd, social anxiety, and have been dealing with depression for years. So they're not a stranger to my triggers and I love them for respecting when I need to just be alone, or only want some quality time one on one for a few hours. You hear that you knucklehead? Yeah you, I know you at least read this shit.

Moving on.

On friday, we had a.. bad night of it. Not even an hour in, after happily gathering folks who wanted to play the chosen game with us that night, someone. Who I will call 2P, dumped a huge paragraph, attacking my character and personality as a mod, in my friends private discord DMS.

2P for months, had been telling me to my face, that they saw me as a best friend, that anything I ever said and or did would be safe to do. You know the whole, you can trust me bit. I blindly trusted, and hind sight maybe I shouldn't have.

Meanwhile the entire time, I apparently had been talked about behind my back, negatively for a while? I don't know.

So we paused the stream, and go into another server that's locked down to a limited set of people and discuss it. Friend is, PISSED, but is trying to not yell, and asks me what we should do about it.

In my head I'm just reeling. I'm asking my friend, if I'm a bad mod, if I've fucked up somewhere, I'm totally confused. I can't concentrate, and there's this choking hurt in my chest. One I know all too well.

The feeling of dread. The feeling that I messed up, that I'm useless, and a fraud.

My friend is trying hard to make sure I'm okay, by this point they know, this has fucked with my head. In a huge way. 17- going on 18 years of therapy suddenly going down the drain, spiralling out of control.

They Cut the stream short.

I'm exhausted, tired, feeling beaten. I just say a few things to 2P and leave their discord server, kick them from my private one, and from the one I made for my streamer friend for the game we play with other people. In addition, also a possible person who may cause me issues, because 2P's probably been shit talking me for a few months now.

Friend is arguing on my behalf, another mutual and their friend, instantly demands to get in call. We'll call them... Uh.. Fuck, Tataru , and Estinien for sake of ease. Tataru is having none of it, they are witnessing my typed anxieties. They are hearing our mutual friend, trying very hard to not just *yell*.

2P is dropping the nasty paragraph in other dms now, belonging to other regulars. It's escalating pretty fast. I am now a villain, and a victim in one role, and 2P is also playing the role of victim because my dearest friend just told 2P Off.

"2P, isn't getting it!" My friend is saying with a calm anger. "2P is just constantly going on and on about how (my name) is bad for the stream." Or something to that effect. "They don't even fucking realize how fucking hurtful they are being."

"You need to stop responding." Tataru is saying. "Just, tell the mother fucker, NO and block 2P on everything."

I guess 2P is quickly realizing that they are losing the fight, so they come into my dms. Shit forgot to block them there. I think in my head, and I see them trying to bring the argument to me. They tell me, that I'm handling the situation all wrong.

I don't even respond. I'm tired. I'm just done. I'm mentally slipping back to the days I was mentally and emotionally abused, and gaslit.

GASLIT.

GASLIT!

I block 2P. For my mental health.

Estinien with their calming voice, is outlining streamer etiquette rules. 2P is definitely out of line, as a viewer. If we want, Estinien can pretty much hit up a wider streamer network, and have the name of 2P blacklisted from other communities.

By this point, another regular is talking to my friend asking what is going on. Then another. Slowly, I read through logs my friend has dumped into the 4 person private call.

Then I see it.

"I'll just lie through my teeth to her about why I'm leaving or something. Just don't tell (My name) I said any of this. " In regards to the in game guild My friend and I Co Run.

Silently mutter to myself. Not that the others can hear me, my headsets broken. "Ah, the other shoe has dropped. 2P's been lying to me the whole time. I've been gaslit all over again. No wonder I feel like I do."

Estinien and Tataru get sleepy and go to bed. My friend stays up as long as they can as I sort my head out, trying to timeline events. I'm given logs, screen shots. 2P's been blocked. I lock down my twitter for a day. I lose 20 hours sleep.

I spent those 20 hours of no sleep, asking and apologizing to regulars if 2P has ever talked to them about me. Most of them say NO, and reassure me I'm a good mod, that I make the stream warm, fun, welcoming and comfortable for all kinds of people.

A good friend of mine, who I will ironically call Angellica, because we call each other sis, and I view myself as Eliza from Hamilton. Once had told me to be careful with 2P from the start, because they had a bad vibe about them, is PISSED off, and yeets them out of an in game group chat. "Fuck em, 2P's a troll."

I realize, that Angellica literally stood by and chose my happiness. Cause yeah, I thought 2P was someone I could trust. After what happened though, I realized that I had been mistaken and apologized, To Angellica.

Now 2P is going around seeing who still will consider them friends, or are neutral parties. I was made aware of this because one of them, a mature friend actually asked me what 2P was going on about. So I gave them the run down. They were disgusted with 2P's behavior.

Now a days, 2P takes screen shots of anybody on twitter, that has blocked them and smears their names.

2P still doesn't get it.

But I'm moving on from it.

I have screenshots and logs. But I don't ever plan on releasing them publicly.

So yeah, 2P if you ever come across this, and figure out I'm talking about you, I severed ties with you, because friends don't lie to each other, Friends don't talk behind each others backs, they don't force other good close friends to sit on the *truth* of how you feel. Friends can disagree, and can have different opinions.

But You burned your bridges yourself.

I've always had a three strike ruleset.

One: You lied to my face multiple times.

Two: You pretended to be my friend.

Three: You actively gaslit me, and my friend.

Sooo THAT'S why I cut ties with you. Your behavior after that was just you playing the victim, and none of us 30 plus year olds were just going to sit by and let you have your 20 something year old tantrum.

I bare you no ill will, and I doubt any of us are going to even blast you in an open space like twitter releasing the logs or screen shots. I'm just noping out of this parasocial relationship because that's all it was. I refuse to be used, as a way for people to get close to and use my friend as they work on their passions and goals.

Adieu 2P , nothing was lost the day I walked away, except all the work my friend did to get me out of my isolated shell. But you know what? They'll just pull me back out, and support me 100% You'll never break us up.