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levisgirll · 4 years ago

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Hello! Can you please do a Levi headcanon/scenario where he hurts his crush's feelings and makes her cry but later regrets it and tries to apologise to her? Thanks!

𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 (𝙇𝙚𝙫𝙞 ��𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙭 𝙁𝙚𝙢!𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧)

➡text: Hello there!! And omg of course I would be happy to write this out 🥺 the fact that to see levi apologize or own up to his mistakes is something that I would like to even write about- so thank you for this request! I hope you love it anon ♥ (incoming some fluff and you wont regret it!)

synopsis: it was a long tiring day and with under pressure levi ackerman had, he accidently said something to y/n (his crush!) which hurt her feelings. levi feels terrible and to make it up for it, made y/n realize that levi and her might share the same feelings for each other.

fluff, angst, aot world, imagine fanfiction ♡ —

It was a long stressful day at the Survey crops headquarters building, and Captain Levi was assigned with many paper work to get done with.

The last expedition made Levi worry quite a lot for Y/N and her safety. Sure she was skilled, and a fast thinker but that still did not stop Levi from worrying about her. It was because he was the captain he had to worry about his squad....right?

But after Y/N getting hurt on the last expedition because she is kind of ‘reckless’ to what Levi thinks and used as an excuse, his heart sank and he then realized not only did he care about her too much, but he also developed feelings for her and with time it grew. Just her presence, the way she was, caring, friendly, confident, her natural beauty and a badass made him fall for her more.

But ever since on that day, he blamed himself for her getting injured because she was on his squad team.

The upcoming expedition was next month and he was becoming even more stressed and load with paperwork because it was a bigger mission this time they never had. Y/N obviously noticed that so after having a chat with Hanji she went by to his office and entered inside. They become more comfortable with each other so she was pleased to enter his office whenever she wanted to.

“Hi Levi, how are you?” she said with a bright smile, trying to light up the mood that was surrounding in his office.

“What do you think sherlock?” He spoke in a sarcastic tone and then let out a deep sigh. “O-Oh, Um I was wondering if you would like some help with the paperwork? I am free the whole day.” Her kind gestures always somehow warmed his heart, he liked the fact how in her free time she would always visit Levi and try her best to help him. But tonight was different, it was too much pressure loaded on him, he was not thinking straight.

He didn't respond to her offer and instead he got up from his seat behind the desk and gave her a piece of paper. “Read.” Was what he only said.

You took the paper from him and noticed....you were removed him Levi’s squad! “W-What....why.” You said so quietly but it had a very unhappy tone.

“You know why. You are too reckless, and I don't want that in my squad.” He lied and looked away, it was not because of your recklessness and never was because you were brave and perceptive. But in fact, it was because he wanted to keep you safe and away from harm because this time his squad was placed on the front and he moved you all the way on the back where it was safer. He does not want to lose you.

“I-I don't understand Levi...I though you trusted me-”

“Yea I don't trust you, and I clearly don't have time for you either.” You couldn't believe what he was saying to you, this behavior was out of nowhere and it made absolutely no sense! But, he was your source of motivation and inspiration and when he said that to you, it shattered your heart to pieces. You thought he had faith and trust in you and that's why he added you to his squad, you thought....you were important to him. Well, was important.

“Levi, please this makes no sense. At least explain to me why!” You yelled out, demanding an explanation for what the hell was evening going on.

“Don't argue with me.” He now gave you one of his hateful glares, and you know in a million years you would never be getting that from him, you were completely taken aback now. “Leave now! That’s an order L/N”.

You eyes were widen now, and your eyes were slowly starting to tear up. These words, completely damaged you and your feelings, he even called you by your last name which he never does. You never felt so hurt and your stomach sank which left you static and....heartbroken. Hearing this is a ego-killer for you. The paper you held slowly fell off from your hand, and you brought your hand up to cover your eyes and started to softly sob.

He noticed that quickly, and he wanted to come and comfort you but before he could do that you stormed off, slamming his door, y/n never wanting to see his face again.

Levi took a moment to process everything and then realized he had actually messed up everything. Both of you were so close and the bond and moments you both shared, Levi cherished that deeply. But, he ruined everything, shattered the bond, and now actually ironically losing you. He clenched his fist and closed his eyes tightly, “Fuck...The fuck is wrong with me?! Why am I so damn emotional.” And it was a fact, he was that when he bottled everything up and then let out his steam saying some bullshit.

It was days, and he didn’t even see or hear about Y/N. He did not get any sleep, staying up, overthinking his stupid mistake and regretting this all. His gilt, anger towards himself and grief started to grow by each day, hating himself how he hurt the person he had a crush on and someone he adored a lot which then lead to him thinking how to come to you with his true and deepest apology.

He tried to catch any chance to get you whenever you are alone and say apologize, but whenever he saw you, you would just jolt and try to run away and leave the place.

He then noticed from Hanji and the other scouts such as Armin and Mikasa that you were clearly avoiding Levi. He caught you by chance one evening as you were sitting down in the mass hall eating your sandwich alone so cutely and he just missed seeing that sight whenever you both had breaks and he would watch you eat cheerfully but....you were so down, that spirt was gone.

He was approaching you, and you then noticed that and felt your stomach sink, ‘Is he coming to me? Wait...he is, it’s only me here!’ You thought in your mind, panicking and not knowing what to do.

”Good evening.” He uttered, but you noticed there was some nervousness in that tone.

You did not look up at him and you left your sandwich that was half eaten on the plate, and got up. You lost your appetite, and you proceed to leave the mass hall, but you stopped in your steps when you heard Levi yell out. “No...d-don’t go. Please just stay for a bit.” The way he said it, was under such pain and he it sounded as if he was begging you. He really struggled doing this, but he would do it regardless if it was just to speak to you again for a bit.

He caught up to you, and took your wrist while his thumb was caressing your skin. You were still looking down, not wanting to see his face because you knew if you did now, you would tear up again.

“Can we talk please?” He said really quietly, and if the mass hall was not empty you wouldn't be able to grasp what he had said. Levi was clearly tensed and not sure if what he was doing is right, he never done this before, apologizing and talking about his feelings. But he would only, and only do this for the person he loved. Y/N.

“What do you want?” it came out more coldly then you expected and that made him hesitate. He remembered the image of your expression and you sobbing that day and it is still graved in his mind. He cant seem to get it out his head and he wanted to hear your forgiveness so it could go away.

“I fucked up, I know. But fuck, I...miss you.” He finally said, in a nervous and stuttering tone. He now moved his hand from your wrist to your soft and cold hands, and you could feel his warmth, warming your hand.

He brought up his other free hand and placed his palm on his forehead. Clearly this was hard for him and he felt such a jerk and an idiot cause all his words is now gone and he wasn’t sure how to say how apologetic he was and how you meant the world to him really.

But he know thought, How could he do this to someone who regularly checked on him, cared for him and also actually saw him as a normal person unlike the other scouts who thought he was heartless and just labeled as ‘strongest solider’. Y/N was the only who truly cared for his wellbeing and he admired that a lot. “Hey....I’m sorry. Everything I said wasn’t right. T-To be honest it was your bravery that made me fall for you...and care a lot more about you. So, please tell me What should I do to make it up for you?”

This caused you to finally look up to him and staring at his grey eyes, and after such a long time you were able to see his face clearly and close up which never fails to make your heart skip a beat. You stared at him for quite awhile, kind of surprised to what he said and the fact he was holding your hand meant a lot. But Levi took this as you still not wanting to talk to him, he wanted to say more and better things but he was quite bad formulating any more cause it him nervous and afraid to say something else to upset you further. He really did care about your feelings. “I won’t go....till I hear your answer. I waited long enough.”

You spoke, and after a long time hearing your voice this nearly made him tear up and that was because you were a big part of his life. “I can’t stay mad at you forever, so I forgive you. But, you hurted me and I cant forget that easily. But for now, Just....hold me.” You went near him and now placed both of your hands on his chest. He did not waste any second and pulled you in for a hug. It was probably his first time hugging you like this and he never knew it would make him have this fuzzy and sweet feeling like this. Of course, he would hold on to your waist, arm and shoulders sometimes during battle or when you needed some support to get up and move. But this was different, and he questioned himself how he never considered that.

Y/N and Levi both finally made up with each other, and he was really grateful for that and even the fact you forgave someone like Levi, he felt really lucky.

Of course, it will take some time for you to accept his apology, but he wont give up just yet and he really makes an effort everyday, you guys took it slow and he is more than willing to wait for you ♥

As, regret and remorse can lead a person to feel sorrow, this can cause a sense of sorrow for hurting someone such as Levi’s crush, and even though it was bad, this lead to him finally confessing and saying his true apology if it weren’t for this. Time is a healing process after all.

Once you finally sat down with Levi and talked back (after the countless times he tried to initiate a conversation or start something such as cleaning together but never got much a reaction from you) and had a small conversation with him asking how was his day. This melted his heart and he actually felt really happy inside that you finally started to speak to him. He missed your company, your sweet voice, and....that smile.

You surprised him further when you gave him tea (because he gave you so many things to somehow make you smile) and his eyes lit up, Levi never felt so happy in the last few weeks. Then he knew, that you. y/n, was his light and source of happiness. He drank the tea slowly cherishing it.

wow okay this was kind of emotional then I excepted it to be, but I honestly see a scenario like this happening where levi struggles and tries his best to own up his mistake and apologize and he would only be like this if it was to his crush and someone he loved cause this man gets nervous <3 so please y/n, give him some more hugs, he might not seem to ask for any but he is deeply inside craving for it. It’s his best comfort as it is coming from you! Anyways, please leave a like or a reblog if you enjoyed this and I hope you liked this anon 💖

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

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Our Future ~ JJK

WORD COUNT: 3.9k

GENRE: Established-Relationship, CEO Jungkook, fluffy

PAIRING: Jungkook x Fem!Reader

The sound of Jungkook's alarm blaring out made you smirk to yourself, he always struggled waking up in the mornings and this was the sixth time in a row his alarm would be going off. You got up from the sofa placing the book you were reading down onto the coffee table and walked into the kitchen to go and pour him his morning coffee. Jungkook would need it if he was going to make it through the day and so would everyone else who would be around him, he was never a morning person. Every morning was the same with him though Jungkook would wakeup late no matter what before rushing around the house to get ready. Screaming out whenever he couldn't find anything that he needed for the day which was why you made sure you knew where everything was for him.

"Baby have you seen my-" He went to call out but you cut him off,

"On the bathroom door, steamed and ready for you to wear." You called up the stairs as you heard him fumbling around hunting for his tie that went with his suit, Monday mornings were always the worst cause he didn't know where all the fresh items were. He shouted out a thank you before finishing his morning routine and you shook your head going back to making him something to eat.

By the time he came downstairs fully clothed you had a to-go breakfast ready with his coffee in a travel mug for him, he kissed your forehead as an unspoken thank you.

"What would I do without you?" He complimented as he took everything from you and began walking out of the front door, you stared down at the coffee table in the living room and shook your head. Sitting there were his car keys which he also needed to get into the office,

"Keys!" You cried out as you rushed over to the front door, carrying his car keys in your hand, you leant against the door frame waiting for him to turn around. He turned to face you and you held them above your head shaking them a little as you puckered up your lips for him.

"You can have them if you give me a real kiss," You giggled to him as he walked back over to you shaking his head as he watched you closely,

"Honestly, what would I do without you?" He groaned out in satisfaction putting his coffee and food down onto the table that was just inside the porch. You smirked to yourself as you brought the keys down from above your head and waited for him to kiss you,

"Probably waste away to nothing, never look presentable and be late to everything." You teased as he smirked at you shaking his head but humming along in agreement as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"It's the truth, you'd be nothing without me, probably just never show up to work-" He cut you off with a short and passionate kiss no matter how often it happened it still made you feel as though you were floating on a cloud. Smiling to himself he pulled away and grabbed his things from behind you, kissing your forehead as he turned to leave.

"I'll see you after work, I'll make sure dinner is ready." You leant against the doorframe watching him leave but he turned to look at you at the last second shaking his head,

"I'll be working late tonight. Jimin and Taehyung have some reports to finish and I said I'd help out...Being the kind and generous CEO I am." He winked at you as he got into the black car, placing his food onto the dash and drink into the cupholder.

"I'll keep you some in the oven then, you can warm it up when you get back home." You blew him a kiss and he pretended to catch it and place it in his pocket for later, you rolled your eyes at him he was always childish like this with you.

"Bye loser!" You called out before shutting the front door and turning to look around the house for something to do, you had some time off from work so you had to figure out something to do. Jungkook had around the clock maids to work in his huge house so there was no way you could clean up anything. There were still boxes from your old apartment that you hadn't unpacked yet so you decided to go and unpack them. Jungkook and yourself had been together for the last four years but you'd only just recently moved in with him since your lease was finally up. He asked you before but you'd never done it because of the lease, you turned towards the staircase and a voice filled the air.

"Do you want anything to eat? I can make you something before I clean the kitchen up." One of the maids - Miss Sana - questioned as she watched you heading towards the spare office Jungkook had set up for you. It was a workspace away from work so you could still get everything you needed to do done,

"No, it's okay. Thank you though." You whispered to her as you began walking into the office, trying not to seem rude to her. She was one of the loveliest girl's you'd met but having someone run around after you, was still something you found odd. Jungkook was used to having people work for him but, all of it was still new to you having someone make your bed for you, clean everything for you. They'd offer to make you and Jungkook meals but you always refused, wanting him to have a homecooked meal from you.

"If you need anything please call me on the intercom," She called out to you just before you shut the door, leaning back on the door you looked around at all of the boxes at least all of them were labelled making it easier for you. It was mostly all of your work things that needed to be moved in. Things that would be going around the office like photographs, folders and other stationery items you had.

"Miss Y/l/n?" The same maid from the morning questioned when you pressed the intercom, she found it odd since you hardly used it unless Jungkook was at home and you were trying to find it.

"Hi, I just tried to get into Jungkook's office but it's locked. Do you by chance, have a key?" You questioned as you spoke into the machine, it felt weird to be talking to someone halfway across the house you hated doing it when Jungkook was here but in a house this big it was needed. Especially when he would leave his phone in a different room.

"I don't, I can call Mr Jeon if you like?" Her voice came out soothing,

"No it's okay, I'll call him." You stopped the intercom before phoning Jungkook's main office. He should have been on his lunch by now so it was no big deal for you to call him and for him to answer. Not that it would be a big deal anyway, he owned the business and could do what he wanted with it.

"Baby? Is something wrong?" He questioned, answering the call after just four rings,

"I was just wondering where the keys for your office are? I have a photograph I want to put on your desk." You laughed softly looking at the frame it was from your first date together. A collage of photographs all put together inside of the frame, Jungkook hushed someone on the other end of the phone and you frowned.

"It's locked baby, I have the only key. I'm sorry." There was a giggle from the other end of the call that wasn't from him or the boys, you swallowed the lump in your throat as you tried not to overthink things. It was probably just nothing.

"Oh...Okay, I'll leave it out and you can put it in when you get home? How are the reports coming along?" You questioned him as you waited for some kind of response but it sounded as though he was stalling as he thought of something to say to you.

"They're good, t-the boys are just inside the office with me," You knew for a fact he was lying he stuttered which was one of the dead giveaways that Jungkook was lying to you, that and you heard a female giggle so you knew it wasn't the boys.

"That's great. I erm, I'm going to leave you to it." You hung up quickly not wanting to overthink it anymore and Jungkook frowned looking at the phone on his desk. Jungkook knew you'd been cheated on the past and promised he would never do that to you, you were probably just overthinking everything. His assistant was probably inside the room with the rest of them. At least that was what you were trying to tell yourself.

That night you didn't see Jungkook come home you headed to bed around 10 pm after not getting any responses from his mobile or office phone, you figured he was busy with the boys. You left a small note on the kitchen door telling him how to warm his food up and headed up to bed but this morning there was no sign of him. Normally you would wake up being cuddled by him but today there was nothing, the sheets were freezing as though he hadn't been home all night and his PJ's were in the same spot as the day before.

"Guk?" You called out when you heard the floorboards outside the bedroom door creak you were feeling hopeful that he'd just gotten up on time,

"N-No Ma'am, it's me." You sighed before dismissing the maid and laid back down against the sheets and stared up at the ceiling wondering if he'd even been home. Usually, you'd wake up before him or when his first alarm sounded but this morning there was nothing, no sign he'd even been home yet.

Heading into the kitchen the same note was on the door of the kitchen and his food was still in the oven yet another sign he hadn't been home all night.

"Miss Sana?" You called out to the maid who had just walked by the kitchen door, she turned to look at you with a small smile on her face.

"Did Jungkook come home last night? I-I cooked for him but he hasn't eaten it..." The maid looked over at the oven and then at you before shaking her head, you could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't sure about telling you about something.

"He was working late, called to tell me to not let you worry. He stayed at the office." Your mouth formed an 'O' shape at the thought of him being locked up in his office all night and day today. It couldn't have been good for him to spend the night on that sofa, you'd spent some time there and it wasn't exactly the comfiest of places.

"I'll take him some lunch later, and some fresh clothes. I hate the thought of him being all stuffy in his work outfit," You tried to seem hopeful and not worried that something was going on behind your back but it was hard when every sign pointed at that there was.

As you strolled onto the top floor of the office building you were stooped by four of Jungkook's employees, all of them asking what you were doing there and how you were doing. Jimin even rushed up to you to see what you had in the small basket in your hands,

"Lunch for Jungkook...He was here all night so I figured he could use some homemade food instead of that junk you get him," You teased poking Jimin's chest as you continued walking in the direction of the main glass office. Jungkook was sitting at his desk with a huge smile on his face as someone sat across from him made him laugh at something.

"Who's he with?" You questioned the assistant who was watching you nervously,

"It's-" The door to his office opened and he walked out,

"I'll call you later- Babe?" He stopped staring at the beautiful woman beside him and looked at you, the smile on his lips fading instantly as soon as he saw you standing there.

"Hi. I-I bought you some lunch?" You gestured to the basket in your hand and he sent you a weak smile,

"Go sit in my office, I was just walking Miss Jackson out." You nodded as you switched places with him and the woman, smiling at her but she avoided your gaze before walking off down the hallways. Jimin stared at you through the glass office and you bit down on your lip, it felt as though everyone knew something except for you so you placed the basket down on the desk and waited for Jungkook to come back to you.

"Sorry baby, hi," Jungkook whispered as he walked into the office again rushing over to you and bringing you into a hug but you placed your hands on his chest.

"I brought you some food and clothes, S-Sanna said you didn't come home," The original plan was to eat with him but after seeing people stare at you through the glass while you waited for him to come back you didn't want to sit there much longer.

"You're not eating with me?" He frowned looking in the basket at everything inside, he could tell it wasn't just meant for him.

"You and the boys should eat it while you work on the reports, are you coming home tonight?" He nodded at your question, he knew something was wrong with you but he wasn't going to press you for information here. He could wait until he got home later to see what it was that was really bothering you,

"I'll see you later," You turned your back on him to leave but Jungkook took your wrist in his grasp and pulled you back to him. You were standing between his legs while he rested on the desk looking into your eyes, he reached up to cup your face in his hands.

"I'll see you when I'm home. I'm not working late tonight," You snuggled into his touch trying to ignore the pit inside of your stomach that something was wrong, it was clear there wasn't when Jungkook was with you.

"You'll be home at the normal time?" You quizzed looking over your shoulder to see Jimin was still watching you both,

"Yeah, the reports are finished. I'll see you later," He pulled your face to look at him and kissed your lips softly, you instantly relaxed against him and kissed him back. Pushing your hands into his hair as you relaxed into the kiss.

"See you tonight," You whispered to him before leaving him in the office and heading home for the night.

"Oh! Here," You called out as you rushed over to Miss Jackson as she scrambled to pick up something that fell from her bag,

"Thank you." She whispered as you reached under her car to grab the small navy blue box,

"No problem," As you looked up at her she seemed to panic, snatching the box out of your grasp and shoving it into her handbag.

"I have to go. Bye!" She yelled out, slamming her car door as she rushed to get away from you, you frowned watching her speed out of the parking lot but tried not to put too much thought into it as you headed home for the day.

The next morning you straddled Jungkook's lap as you waited for him to wake up, he was on his first alarm so you figured it would be nice to wake up in his arms this time.

"Morning baby," You cooed in his ear, biting down on it softly as you waited for him to wake up.

"Morning," He grumbled as he heard his second alarm beginning to ring, you reached out to shut it off for him but he slammed his hand down quickly on the phone and turned it over so the screen couldn't be seen.

"Baby relax, I was just going to turn the alarm off." You giggled but he opened the drawer and slid his phone into it, wrapping his arms around you as he turned you over to lay on the bed.

"Fifteen more minutes," He moaned out but you wriggled under his grasp, tickling his sides as a form of trying to get him to wake up.

"You'll be late if we have fifteen more minutes, come and shower." You whispered to him in a seducing tone but he didn't move,

"Kookie," You whined out to him about to ask him to join you again when his phone began to ring this time.

"Who's that? It's too early for someone to be calling you." You mumbled to him, reaching out but he shook his head.

"Leave it. It's nothing. Go have some breakfast." He slid out from the bed, grabbing his phone before he grumpily made his way into the bathroom without you. Your invitation to shower together going completely unnoticed by him, you sighed to yourself before getting up to change into something for the day.

Jungkook came down the stairs half an hour later rushing around, as usual, you gave him his drink and breakfast and he left without a kiss or goodbye.

"Mr Kim Namjoon is driving him around today, he isn't in the office," Sana said as she noticed the look of confusion written across your face but it only made you question it more, why had he told Sana where he was going and not you?

"I'm going out for a drive," You mumbled as you watched the car Jungkook was being driven around in pull out of the drive and head in the opposite direction of his office building.

"Miss Y/n? You're going to need something to eat!" Sana stopped talking when the front door slammed and she saw your car backing out of the garage. There was nothing she could do to stop you so she wasn't going to.

You'd followed behind Jungkook's car all morning keeping your distance, of course, you didn't want him to see you in case he thought you were going insane but he was in town. He hadn't gone into work at all, Jungkook and Namjoon were walking through the streets of Seoul while he hunted for something. Stopping at a book store, then a flower store and then a chocolate shop.

"What is he doing?" You whispered to yourself as you watched Jungkook sit down inside the chocolate shop, Namjoon glanced out of the window so you quickly hid behind a man carrying a basket.

"Sir, your girlfriend seems to be following us," Jungkook smirked to himself as he picked out the perfect chocolates followed by a box,

"I know, just keep acting as though we don't see her." He chuckled to Namjoon who just shook his head. Jungkook knew you'd been following him from the moment he got into the city, he'd seen you trying to sneak around behind them but you weren't all that good at being a spy.

"I have something planned, just let me lose her in my own time." Jungkook laughed to Namjoon who nodded along.

An hour passed after Jungkook left the chocolate shop and you lost him in one of the largest crowds you'd ever seen, they were all grouping around some music shop and you couldn't see him anymore.

"Fuck," You whispered as you sat down on a bench in front of the Han River, you knew it was probably insane for you to be following your boyfriend around but you wanted to know what he was doing behind your back.

"Y'know, you wouldn't be a good spy," You jumped up when you heard Jungkook's voice come from seemingly nowhere, you turned around to see him standing behind the bench holding everything he'd bought that day.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I came out for a jog." You lied as you looked away from him not wanting to feel ashamed of following him around, he sighed as he walked around the side of the bench to join you.

"You came out for a jog in this?" He touched the jumper you were wearing, it was one of the most expensive items of clothing you owned and you groaned at him feeling disgusted in yourself,

"I-I was worried you were out with someone else-"

"Like Miss Jackson?" You groaned as he let out a small chuckle at the look on your face as you nodded,

"Don't laugh, it's not funny...I-I look creepy following you around." He shook his head at you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder as he smiled,

"I thought it was cute, but you were kind of right. I did go to see Miss Jackson today," He handed you the box of chocolates and then the flowers.

"I didn't want to do this here but the plan I had wasn't going to work either," He was started to stumble and stutter over his words as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the box you'd gotten for Miss Jackson yesterday.

"Jungkook..." You whispered slowly as you stared down at the box, he was throwing it between each hand as he smiled at you.

"W-We can do this again, somewhere I can ask you properly but hiding this from you has been killing me this week." He told you as he bit down on his lip,

"I wasn't working late on Monday, I was working on this-" He held the box up in front of your face and you frowned wondering what it was.

"Remember, I'll ask this again properly later but Y/n Y/l/n will you do me the honour of marrying me?" The box flipped open to reveal the ring that Jungokook had been working so hard on all week long. It was a silver band with your birthstone as the diamond, he'd heard you speaking about your dream engagement ring before and wanted to make sure he got it all right.

"K-Kookie," You teared up as you stared up at him, he was tearing up as he looked at you,

"I love you. I want you to be mine for the rest of our lives," He whispered to you,

"Yes! Thousand times yes," You cried out as you wrapped your arms around his body and hugged him tightly, snuggling your head into his neck and sobbing as you agreed to marry him. He chuckled as he held onto you tightly,

"I'll do it again in a real setting-" He stopped talking when you shook your head and kissed his lips,

"You don't have to, this...This is perfect," You whispered to him as you looked into his eyes, he smirked slipping the ring out of the box before he placed it onto your finger.

"This is excellent," You repeated as you looked at the ring which was sitting on your finger perfectly,

"I love you," He whispered as he leant forward to kiss you, neither of you noticing the fact that a small group of people were clapping and congratulating you both on your future together.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @fan-ati--c @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie @rjsmochii @bisexualmess007 @sw33tnight @innersooya @sweeneyblue1 @jin-from-the-block

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thequeenb · 4 years ago

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Come Back

This is part 3 of the series because its highly requested. Part 1 and 2 are here for you to read.

I watched Poppy get out of the limo gracefully as she has always been. She was perfect in every way, people here aren't used to this type of women. From head to toe she was beautiful, from the way her hair fell to her shoulders to the way she was standing, eyes looking at me intently.

Everyone was stunned but i am not surprised. Charlie gasps as she takes my hand in hers tagging me away from the crowd. My eyes are lost in hers, just like every movie everything stops. My heart is pounding but I can't quite know how i feel. As Charlie pushes me away from her i can see the disappointment all over her perfect features

Why she follow me? Why is she here? How did she know i was here? And most importantly what do i do now? Before my mind start overthink Charlie looks at me worried

"I am sorry this is all my fault i thought it was a celebrity i didn't knew it was your ex"

Right my ex. Is this the right word? I cant quite tell to be honest. We have been through so much that we didn't had time to label our relationship nor we had to. I felt anger when the painful pictures came back in my mind. If our relationship meant even a little bit to her why would she let us fall apart?

I frown and Charlie hugs me tight without another word. She always knew what to do and how to read my eyes. Her hand draws small circles on my back and i take a deep breath

"This wasn't your fault. I am surprised she even knows where Farmsvile is" my bitter chuckle fills the air "i always wanted to take her here, show her the real world without any masks covering our every decision"

Charlie listens to me like always. I miss Zoe though, she is as supportive as her but she always knew the New York world better than Charlie

"Why do you think she is trying to find you?"

I bite my lip in thought wanting the answer to this question but for now its unknown

"Well i blocked her number..her instagram, her Twitter account, her Facebook account her-"

"Woah there" Charlie says laughing "you are such a drama queen no wonder the big city treats you well"

"I wish it did, so many things changed so fast. The way i dress, the way i think, the way i make decisions, everything" i hide my face in my hands unable to get a hold of my emotions

"Well you better make a fast decision because miss Barbie is coming our way right now" i quickly fix my hair and wipe my tears not wanting Poppy to see how hurt i am

She approaches carefully and so sure of herself but knowing her i sense the hesitation in her expression.

"Could we have some privacy?" Poppy asks and Charlie gives me the "should i kill this bitch" look. I nod reassuring her its fine

"If you hurt her more i will throw you to the pigs" Charlie says giving Poppy a sharp look before walking away

Poppy mutters something under her breath, probably something like 'gross' or 'ew'. She is hesitant to sit next to me but I don't mind it. Taking a deep breath i try to not cry

"Look Bea, i won't waste your time because you already hate me but everything you saw has a story behind them" her expression changes, i am sure she replay the events and honestly so do i. The difference between us is that she feels sadness and i am blinded by rage

"Oh i am sure it does. I will make a guess and say that you used me all this time and i was just a puppet in your stupid game" i stand up unable to be close to her

"Oh please what would i gain from you? Being with a farmer girl isn't exactly appealing to any advantage" she stands up too, her eyes a wild fire ready to spread

A farmer girl..not appealing. Bravo Poppy, break my heart a little bit more

"Wow really? Last time i checked a farmer girl made you feel loved, a farmer girl took you to nice places and a farmer girl held you while you complained about your family!!" I raise my voice even though i have all the right reasons, still i can see how surprised she is by it

"I could have anyone i want if i snap my fingers but i tried to protect you i never wanted Carter-"

"Oh really?? The what the fuck is this pic Poppy?" I shove my phone in her face and i can see clearly her anger building in

"You don't understand, i am stupid i even came to this disgusting place to find you" she grabs her bag fixing her hair trying to make a dramatic exit

"Oh seriously? Well i am sorry this doesn't meet your standards i am sure you enjoy the city where nobody gives a shit about you or use you for your name" i grab my bag too and this time i walk away without looking back

Suddenly i stop my tracks but i don't turn around to face her "And to think i wanted to show you where i grew up" thats all i say before my tears fell from my eyes. I change my pace going faster in hope she would chase me but she doesn't.

The fresh air hits my face and i feel safe knowing nobody will judge me here. Walking a little further i finally arrive home where a familiar smell greets me. My mother is making my favourite food, father is feeding the chickens and Charlie waits for me on the porch

I put a fake smile on my face as i approach "well that went better than i thought" sarcasm was always my way to cope with my emotions

"You will share the details later right now we should eat the stew while its hot come on!" Charlie leads me inside the house and it feels good to be surrounded by welcoming faces

The day passes fast and i jump in my bed. I am so exhausted, who knew dealing with my emotions would be so tiring. Before i close my eyes i check my phone in hope Zoe texted me but i know she is busy. I close my eyes hoping the pain will stop and the new day will start better.

The sun hits my face and i groan in annoyance when i hear a knock at my door.

"Sweetheart should i come in?" My mother comes inside my room and i sit up trying to understand why she woke me up at..8:00 in the morning?? Ugh a girl cant get her beauty sleep

She sits beside me cupping my face in her hands. I missed her touch, she always made me feel better about myself and my problems no matter how sad i was feeling

"You have visitors outside waiting for you but i was adviced to not let you look through the window" my mother chuckles "now get ready they waited long enough"

I smile putting all my energy into getting out of my warm bed "fine fine only because i know Charlie will want to do something crazy"

I get dressed and run downstairs. I open the door only to be greeted by Charlie and.. Poppy??

"Goodmorning Princess i am sorry to wake you up so early but we have cows to milk" Charlie winks at me but my attention falls to Poppy who's wearing a simple T shirt and..boots? What is happening?

"Don't look at this city snob like that it took me 1 hour to convince her to wear these"

Poppy rolls her eyes but i laugh, its a once in a lifetime opportunity to see her this way, ah how i would love to take a picture and post it everywhere

"Show me your world" Poppy says giving me a small smile and for the first time i can see all the effort she put for me. I mean the outfit says it all, and the one and only Min SinClair will do farm work? Now thats some change

"I chuckle walking towards the farm "Well then show me how sorry you are" i say throwing a bucket at Poppy who looks at it in disgust

"I swear Hudges if you-" but Charlie push her in time and honestly this is the best sight ever. Poppy pouts but bites her tongue

"Lets go city girl show me what you got" Charlie and i laugh and surprisingly Poppy joins as she hides her face on my shoulder

"I missed you" she whispers only for me to hear and i smile letting my bad thoughts on the side for once seeing where this will take me. I hold her closer as we walk into the sunrise ready to share a piece of myself with her.

Tag list: @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @aiswood @alexlabhont @dopeyouth @tyrils-star @alexroyard @uselesslesbianfr @wolfietheduckyou @somin-yin

#queen b poppy #poppy x mc #poppy min sinclair #queen b #pb choices #choices fic #choices #pb #choices stories you play #playchoices #queen b mc

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letters-from-eros · 4 years ago

Note

I know you don't have rules for that already but can I ask for relationship hc's for Chuuya and Dazai with a fem or gender neutral s/o?😳❤

A/N: Am I foaming from the mouth for my first BSD request? Maybe. I hope this is good though. I added in a short part on how they asked you out cause I wanted this to be different and unique from most dating HCs.

Pairing(s): Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara x GN!Reader

Warnings: Slight mention of suicide in Dazai's, cursing

Form: Headcanon

Also: These ran super duper long I'm so sorry

You managed to cuff the suicidal maniac, huh?

Well done, my friend, well done

It took him so long to ask you out, and even when he did it wasn't planned. In all honesty, he never planned to tell you about his feelings. The excruciating part for him is that he did fall pretty fast, and realized he was falling even faster.

He didn't deny them, that wouldn't make it go away. He knew that. He sat and let it festered, hoping it would just disappear at some point.

Had the mindset of anything he loved he'd lose, y'know? Sad but so.

The way I'd imagine it happening is that you both are either working late at the ADA (with just the two of you there) or just at his place hanging out into all hours of the night.

Both of you are laughing at some dumb joke Dazai made and as the laughter dies out he feels.. Bittersweet. You make him feel genuinely happy, like there's no need to put on any mask or facade. That was not a feeling he had with anyone else.

Once silence fully overtakes you both it slips out of his mouth, purely on accident.

"I love you"

"More than suicide?"

"Y/n I'm serious!"

From that night forward you had the pleasure of being the partner of Dazai Osamu, with his feelings being released in an extremely cliche coming-of-age-movie way.

Okay, onto actually dating Dazai

Still goofy as all hell. Honestly the only thing that has really changed is the he lets you in a lot less hesitantly on small things. Its easier to put cracks in his walls, per se

Unbothered by PDA and will probably make out with you in public and not see why that isn't a thing that should be done or why you wouldn't like it.

(Just tell him if you don't, he'll get over it eventually)

Will kiss you everywhere, doesn't exactly have a favorite place, but where he does end up kissing you the most is your forehead for convenience. He'll kiss your wrist if he's holding your hand, too.

Clingy as all hell, always wants to be touching you in some way and becomes the biggest dramatic bitch when he can't be around you.

Kunikida will actually punt him if he says he'll die if he's away from you for another second. For the tenth time

No more suicide attempts once you two are dating, and doesn't ask for a double suicide with you because he knows it'll upset you quite a bit

He flirts with you like he's trying to get you to date him lmao he will never ease up, especially if it gets you bashful.

Dazai would NOT be dating you if he did not trust you a whole lot, so thats something that is pretty vital to the relationship.

That being said, please be understanding of the pieces of Dazai he keeps locked away to never see the light of day again and trust him just as much as he trust you. Its important especially if you don't want the relationship to be one-sided

Also with the high amount of trust he places in you, he doesn't get jealous easily. I mean he may get pissy that you're not giving him any attention but jealous is never the right word to use

Mf finally washes his fucking clothes once he starts dating you. Doesn't smell like the bottom of the ocean on a regular basis anymore.

Dates are always chill and rarely super extravagant. Park dates are often but Dazai's truly preferred date is snuggling inside, watching a few movies and slipping in and out of naps.

Belladonna is his go-to petname for you, of course, but he may bounce around with other petnames for kicks.

He will start calling you weird shit if you ignore him for to long.

Never raises his voice at you unless its in some joking manner. On the rare occurrence that you two have an argument he would need to get extremely riled up before he resorts to raising his voice. He tries to have patience and usually succeeds.

Dazai gets SO soft and SO loving sometimes, and it can be out of no where or something minuscule could have sparked it. All I know is that its nice and cute 🥰

He's usually pretty vulnerable himself when he gets like that so match his energy, alright? If you don't he might end up a little sour for some short amount of time and be more hesitant to get like that

10/10 Lover. This is by no means an effortless relationship, its a constant battle of figuring out boundaries, running into walls and respecting them. Dating Dazai isn't toxic if you treat him right and when you do? It definitely pays off.

(This got so long. I've had so much pent-up Dazai love and all around BSD love and I finally had an outlet to completely let it out)

HUSBAND. THE LOML

Okay, sorry. But this man is the love of my life, and he will be yours as well.

Took him a while to really figure out his feelings for you, or to better put it, it took him a while to label the feeling he had towards you "love"

But ONCE HE DID mans was practically whipped before you officially started dating omg.

You could notice the shift in attitude when he figured out his feelings. He got nervous, went stiff and blushy all against his will. Maybe a tad bit more snappy.

He'd try to keep his cool and then just eat shit and become a babbling angry mess.

After every encounter and interaction with you he'd end up overthinking all of it and when he catches himself doing that he gets so upset with himself. It's really when he realized that he won't be able to keep his feelings a secret forever.

Definitely started avoiding you when planning on the 🌈perfect🌈 way to ask you out and blamed work if you asked him why he was avoiding you.

Anyway, the way he asks you out was almost as calculated as a proposal.

He asks you to meet him at the port and dress comfortably towards the end of the day

When you get there, Chuuya has a nice place set up for you both. A blanket and a bottle of expensive wine because we all know he's lowkey an alcoholic along with a very nice view of the ocean/port.

Chuuya made sure it didn't radiate too much romantic energy to give his plans away; also, he wasn't that nervous. Once he gets truly determined to do something, he doesn't let something like anxiety get in the way of it. The idea of being rejected was essentially an afterthough

Made an effort to make sure he didn't drink too much and neither did you. He didn't want to take advantage of the possibility of you being drunk by the time he asks you out and he knows he himself has a low tolerance

Once the sun began to set is when he asks. Stutters a little bit towards the beginning but smooths it out.

"Y/n, I uh.. I brought you to tell you that I love you."

"Have you drank too much already, Chuuya?"

"No! I'm completely sober!"

It was overall super cute and unforgettable, just as he planned.

Honestly, being in a relationship with this boy is just 🥰

Spoils you so much. You'll deadass be dripped out head to toe purely in stuff Chuuya has bought you.

Dw, he has an alright sense of fashion

Don't try to discourage him, that'll only get him to buy more stuff.

Chuuya's short and the concept of a size difference doesn't bother him at all, he'll find a way to kiss you regardless lol

On the topic of kissing, his favorite places are your lips and hands

He takes of his gloves whenever he's with you and let me tell you his hands are the softest things ever. Albeit his knuckles are a little calloused sometimes.

If you're anything like me, you'd want his soft hands on you 24/7 and y'know what? Chu would happily oblige.

He isn't like the biggest fan of PDA but certainly isn't against it. He'd rather keep things behind doors as much as he can. Holding hands and small kisses on the cheek are very fine by him.

He isn't like the biggest jealous type? He doesn't become overly irate or anything but certainly doesn't take any pleasure in watching you talk to other guys.

Chuuya does have some form of self restraint when it comes to that. Him getting a lil jealous is one of the only things that'll have him completely make-out with you in public or smth

Chuuya is very snuggly and touchy behind closed doors. He practically becomes Dazai but a lot less goofy

Oh yeah he definitely rants about how much he fucking hates Dazai now n again

Isn't huge on petnames but definitely calls you them every now and again.

Princess, babe and baby are his top few.

Chuuya definitely has a morning voice where it drops 2 octaves and its just 🥰

Never yells at you, its pretty shocking. The only times he's ever raised his voice with you is when its very obvious that he's not genuinely upset with you. Almost for comedic affect because it is angry short boy Chuuya

One may think arguments are often with Chuuya, but they're sort of not. He may be a pretty stubborn individual but he never argues to argue unless its Dazai-

He always works towards and agreement to end the argument as soon as possible. He keeps his cool and will never raise his voice. You can barely call them arguments because of how much he tries to keep his cool.

When he's stressed or had a bad day he gets extremely quiet because he doesn't even want the opportunity to open his mouth and take it out on you. The only words he'll say to you while he's in that state is that he's stress and you didn't do anything wrong just to make sure you're not worried over it.

All and all? Chuuya is the best and there's no way around it. He has his faults but always tries to improve and be his best self for you :)

(I had even more pent-up love for Chuuya and it got even longer, whoops-)

#bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai headcanons #chuuya headcanons #gn!reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bungou stray dogs headcanons #hopefully thats enough tags. i hope you enjoyed my bsd debut

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thedistrictsleepsalonetonight · 4 years ago

Text

River flows in you (or Dani is finding it very hard to take care of her stubborn, idiotic girlfriend)

An offhand comment courtesy of Owen Sharma wasn’t how Dani wanted to find out she was probably being clingy, mostly because it was extremely hypocritical of a man who spent most of his time following the housekeeper around a huge manor to say that to her. However, now that it was out there—

“You think I’m being clingy?” she asks, her doubts slowly taking shape into a definite worry she would fret over, late at night.

Owen raises his head from where it’s resting on Hannah’s lap. “I didn’t say you were being clingy.”

“You said I was panicking too much over not having seen Jamie for just a day!”

“Dani, darling,” Hannah says, her voice soft and soothing, the exact same way one would address a grumpy pet bird or nearabout, “you’re not being clingy. Just overthinking as usual.”

And how does one not do that, she thinks but takes a swig out of the abysmal cup of coffee she’d made herself instead of articulating it. You kiss the boy who’s supposed to be the great love of your life, but it doesn’t make you feel all the things you’re supposed to feel; what do you do? You stay up at night agonizing the way the girl wearing the nose ring at the shopping arcade turned to look at you, the way her eyes seemed to be telling a story you weren’t brave enough to hear yet; what do you do? The man you were supposed to marry dies and you are haunted by the ghost of him hiding in every mirror you look in; what do you do? You meet a girl who is all the prettiness of the moon, all the light of the stars, wrapped up in one person and somehow, she’s stupid enough to love you back; what do you do?

“Think, Dani,” Owen says. “The girl is a goner for you. She sent a letter because she couldn’t make it to the house for a couple of days. Stop worrying.”

(My darling Dani, this is how the letter had started. The middle read I’m sorry I won’t be at the house for a couple of days, there’s just some; the end read I miss you, I miss your lips, I miss the way you feel in my arms, I miss the sunlight that you carry at the back of your neck, I cannot wait to see you again.

Yours, eternally

Jamie)

Dani nods.

“Is that a ‘Yes, Owen, you’re right and I will indeed stop worrying’ nod, or a ‘I’ll agree to get you to shut up’ nod?”

“Um,” she tells him. “A little bit of both?”

Hannah and Owen sigh in unison.

*****

Dani tells herself she’s not being clingy, the next day, as she sits in her bed, holding the receiver of the telephone to her ear. She’s not. It’s just that today Owen had looked shifty when she’d asked him if he’d run into Jamie up at the village, and considering how bad a liar the man was, yeah, she was right to be concerned.

(Plus, it’s been two days. Two days of not seeing Jamie’s face, or hearing her voice, or feeling her hands entangled with her own.

She wasn’t prepared for this. She’d never felt this level of intensity with Eddie. Never felt the urgency to be around him this much or stay up to talk to him the entire night. This — being with Jamie — was exciting, and thrilling and unprecedented, and honestly, she seemed to be spending most of her time walking around and feeling dazed with just how much she felt.)

The phone rings a long time. Long enough for her to wonder if she should just hang up. It was ten in the night, after all. Jamie could’ve fallen asleep. She could be outside. She could be sitting in the couch, just feeling sick of her clingy girlfriend and vehemently hating the—

Okay. Stop.

(You are not going there, Dani thinks, furiously. We, and here she imagines herself pointing a stern finger at the Dani in her head, are not going there, you hear me?)

Rewind.

Jamie could be busy. She could’ve—

“’ello?”

“Ja — Jamie?” she asks, because the voice on the other end sounds like it’s been put through a meat grinder and then fed to a hound. But it’s Jamie. She knows that. Only Jamie’s voice can make that thing inside her chest jump the loop-de-loop and end with a cheer. “Are you okay?”

There’s a thud on the other end, a thud that sounds to Dani like someone’s just dropped the receiver in shock, and it makes her smile.

“Dani?”

“Hi, there,” she says, her palms feeling sweaty. Nobody said having a girlfriend was going to require this much fortitude. “I — I hadn’t seen you in a while and—”

“No, I’m,” Jamie says, hurriedly, “I’m glad you called. It’s, uh, it’s good to hear your voice.”

Dani closes her eyes, covers her face with her other hand. She is lucky nobody’s around right now. God only knows the number of jokes Miles would’ve cracked if he’d gotten a glimpse of her like this, red as a tomato, smiling cheek to cheek.

“It is?”

“Yeah.” There’s a sound again, and then comes distant coughing. Dani imagines her standing near the phone, hand against the wall, head tilted to one side. The mental image makes her ache somewhere inside. “Really, really good.”

“You’re sick.”

“Wha — that’s crazy. I’m not — I’m not sick. You’re sick.”

Dani laughs. “Jamie. Baby. You’re sick.”

“You called me baby,” Jamie sing-songs, and it sounds adorable in her hoarse voice.

“Idiot,” Dani tells her. “Why didn’t you tell Owen when you sent the letter?”

There’s silence on the other end.

“Oh.”

More silence.

“Why did he not—”

“—okay, wait, please don’t be mad at him. I made him promise he wouldn’t tell you.”

“And why would you do that?”

Jamie groans. “Because it’s not a big deal. I’m alright. Totally fine. Totally chill.”

“Uh huh, okay,” Dani says. “What’d you have for dinner then?”

Jamie falls silent again.

“Jamie?” Dani prompts, after two whole minutes of crickets chirping on the phone.

“Um, a cracker?”

Dani sighs, tells Jamie she’s in grave, grave trouble, and then hangs up.

Owen takes one look at her, and grudgingly takes the car keys out of his pocket.

*****

Objectively, Jamie looks like death dressed up in layers and fluffy slippers. Looks like her hair hasn’t seen a comb in two days, like her nose could masquerade as a police siren, and her back definitely, definitely has seen better days.

On the other hand, Dani’s looking at her through the hearts that have formed over her eyes, so this is what she sees: the woman she loves, the most beautiful woman in the world, completely at home. Her hair has the same curl that usually tickles Dani’s nose when she buries her face in it; her lips are turned up in the smile Dani’s long come to realize only comes out when they’re together; and her eyes, though red, are somehow still sparkling when they’re looking right at her.

Dani lets out a deep breath she’s been holding for a while. The yearning passes. The relief permeates through her veins, painting her insides with peace.

(Dani’s so in love she doesn’t know what to do with herself)

She tries her very best to sound stern. “Why are you like this?”

“Counter question, Poppins,” Jamie replies, leaning against the doorjamb, and whoa, she sounds worse than on the phone. “Why do you like this?”

Dani rolls her eyes, steps forward, arms raised to hug her and—

Jamie holds her by the shoulders, stops her. Dani looks down, suddenly unsure again. It was one thing to emergency drive to your girlfriend’s place at night because she was a self-sabotaging dumbass who had no idea how to take care of herself; entirely another thing to expect her to want you there.

“I’m sor—”

“No!” Jamie tells her, shaking her head wildly and then groaning. “I just — I’m a hotbed of germs right now, Dani. I’d really rather I didn’t infect you too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Jamie continues. “Snot factory. Ultra gross.”

“I don’t mind if you don’t,” Dani tries, because she really, really wants to hug her girlfriend, germs be damned.

Jamie groans again. “How am I supposed to say no if you give me those eyes?”

A minute later, clutched tightly in Jamie’s arms, Dani counts it as a victory.

*****

Dani sets to work almost immediately.

“It’s not that bad,” Jamie explains defensively, when Dani stands at the entrance to the drawing room, just staring at the mess in horror. There’s a bundle of clothes on a chair, half-empty packets and wrappers strewn around the television, and to her great amusement, Jamie’s bra hanging from one of the potted plants that stands between the room and the balcony.

“I’d really like to know your definition of not that bad,” Dani asks, raising her hands to put air-quotes around the last part, “because clearly it differs to mine.”

Jamie sits on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket and pouts.

“You threw your bra at it, Jamie,” Dani reprimands her, picking it off the snake plant. “Look at it. It looks embarrassed.”

“That’s Boulevard,” Jamie tells her. “Boulie for short. And he’s a creep anyway, so you shouldn’t worry.”

(Of course Jamie named her plants. Dani picks this fact and tucks it away somewhere near her heart, into an envelope she’s long labelled “Jamie”)

“Why Boulevard?”

“I like the word,” Jamie shrugs, smiles. “The one behind him is Bourgeois, or Bougie. That there’s Avenue, and Bottle and Ocean. And there’s one at the very end—”

Dani crouches, thumbs at the bright yellow Dahlia that’s smiling at her.

“—that one’s Dani.”

“Huh,” she looks up and grins at Jamie. “Why Dani?”

“Like I said before,” Jamie tells her, solemnly, “it sounds like the best word to me.”

*****

Dani blows gently on the spoon, then extends it towards Jamie.

“You really don’t have to do this.”

“I know I don’t have to,” Dani tells her, patiently. “I want to. I want to take care of you, and feed you chicken noodle soup, and pick your stupid bra off of your plants—”

“—not where I thought this was going, but okay—”

Jamie finishes the spoonful, and Dani digs in for another one.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you were sick.”

“Because it really isn’t bad,” Jamie says, offhandedly. She’s looking away, her hands fiddling with an errant string on the blanket, and Dani waits for more. “I just gotta wear it out, I guess. Three days of rest and then back to normal.”

“Doesn’t look like it’s that easy,” she replies, casually, feeding Jamie another spoonful.

“I — I’m used to this, okay?” Jamie pauses and takes a deep breath. “I’m used to doing this alone. Been taking care of myself since a long, long time. I don’t wanna—”

“—yes?”

“I don’t wanna get used to this. People taking care of me. I mean, you might not be around long and then I’d have to go back to it and that would suck worse than,” Jamie sucks in a deep, trembling breath, and Dani aches, “yeah. So. That, I guess.”

Dani leans forward, kisses Jamie on the lips, and then on her forehead. Searches for something to say.

(Because here’s the thing: she understands exactly where Jamie’s coming from. When you’ve been alone for a long time, you do get used to not depending on people. Part of Jamie sees this vulnerability as a weakness. Part of her sees it potential incoming grief)

“What if,” she whispers, hesitantly, lips still close to Jamie’s temple, “what if I do stay for a long time?”

Jamie chokes out a wet laugh. “Is that a challenge or a promise?”

“It’s whatever you need it to be.” I’ll be whatever you need to be, for however long you need me.

“What if I want you to stay forever?”

Then you have me forever. “Only if you let me name a plant after you and eat this entire bowl of noodles,” she says instead.

Jamie laughs again, and Dani thinks, strangely enough — I’m gonna marry her one day. It won’t be tomorrow, or a week later, or even six months later, but one day, she will. She knows it as certainly as she knows that there is no way she can convince Jamie to go to sleep after this, until she pouts, as she knows that her girlfriend’s still going to be the biggest self-sabotaging idiot in the world, no matter how many times Dani chastises her.

But there will be a moon in the sky, every night, and the stars will continue to spell out Jamie’s name for her and like every other inevitable truth that exists in their lives, Dani will love Jamie for however long she can.

#the haunting of bly manor #thobm #thobm fanfic #fanfiction #based on a prompt #sick fic #also im slowly making my way through all the prompts in my inbox and its hard so i apologize for the delay #i'm just feeling.....exhausted #so i write in stretches and now my back is killing me so forgive mistakes #no editing we die like dani clayton #dani x jamie #anyways happy reading!#i hope you guys like it

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sakurakuna · 5 years ago

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“lets make it official” | t.h

Summary; you and tom have been together for quite some time now, but labels up until this point have remained an unspoken subject...

a/n; HEY! I took very long break but im back now, this fic has been rewritten tons of times since fucking January, yet even now im still not crazy about it. I just really wanted to get back into writing so please leave feedback!

warnings; mentions of sex and like one curse word.

wc; 2k

masterlist | taglist

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IT WAS A COLD EVENING IN EARLY MARCH, and you had just finished taking your exams, and were more than tired because of all the time you had spent last night cooped up in the campus library trying to retain and memorize any little information that would help you out on the exams.

Which definitely helped you out a ton due to you walking out of the room with a lot more prep in your step. Feeling all the bit more relaxed now that the exams were over and you could go back to your normal schedule that didn’t include such immense amounts of studying as well as a lot more hours of sleep, which you hadn’t been getting a lot of recently.

So the first thing you planned to do once getting back to your apartment was to tend to your tiredness and nap the second you settled in, change into some more comfy clothing and maybe even make yourself a cup of tea and scroll through Instagram a little beforehand. But that plan was sadly cut short by a text from your roommate, Yasmine, who you shared an apartment with off campus with for the last two years.

The text explained how she last minute decided to invite her boyfriend over for the afternoon to help study for her psych class. Which wouldn’t sound like much of a problem to the average person, but for y/n and yasmine it sort worked like a code for “were definitely fucking” ( the code was mostly used by Yasmine) so you now definitely knew you wouldn’t be able to take a nap or relax even under the circumstances of your roommate moaning through the ridiculously thin walls of your apartment.

But that didn’t leave you super upset, because unlike past roommates Yasmine had the decency to tell you about her intimate activities in the apartment beforehand, (even if it was quite late) which you were thankful for. Besides you now have an excuse to go visit the boy who you’ve been giving most, if not all your attention to these last few months.

You knew he’d be back from classes so there was no need to worry about him being home or not.

Many people would even say that you and Tom have been attached by the hip, always having at least some type of contact with each other when you could. Whether it be him just walking you to class, a study date at a nearby cafe, weekly movie nights, dates at your favorite chinese place at three a.m. Or even just having a cozy night in where you're cuddled up talking about nothing and everything.

Which sounds pretty typical for a couple who's been together for a few months, the only difference was that you and Tom weren’t official on being boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course, you didn’t want to rush, but you felt like you should’ve at least had some type of conversation about it now.

Especially while your feelings seemed to be growing at a much faster rate for the charming brit than you originally thought they would. I mean when you first started talking you strictly remember telling yourself to keep your walls up and not let yourself fall so easily for the boy, knowing he had a reputation that didn’t lead you to believe he could stay with a girl for too long.

But as time went on, you learned that there was much more to him than just his good looks, so worries of his reputation seemed to gradually fade. As he showed you sides of himself that others would be shocked to hear that the cocky, and arrogant “Tom Holland” was able to portray.

Sides of his that you would only describe as kind, and thoughtful, significantly much softer in manner. Always knowing how to make you smile with his silly jokes and adoring compliments. That usually left you flustered with heated cheeks, and he of course would always sit there smirking before sweetly showering your face with soft kisses, unknowingly making your heart flutter from the affection. (and it didn’t hurt how gorgeous he was either)

Of course they were all things that clearly opposed his notorious image he upheld around campus. But, they were also the things that made you slowly fall for him everyday. Things that only made you want nothing more than to be an official couple, which is why you had made a mental note to have that talk with him sometime while at his frat today. But for now you were trying to keep your sleepy eyes open as you got there.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★

“y/n…” a clear look of surprise was etched on Tom's face as he opened the door to reveal you on the other end, a much rather tired version might you add.

“Listen I know I should’ve texted rather than coming unannounced like this, but I was just so tired and…”

That was all you managed to say before you were stopped by feeling his lips on yours. At first you froze at the sudden move, but in a matter of seconds you returned the kiss, letting yourself get lost and fall deeper into the feeling of his soft lips against yours.

He knew that if he hadn’t stopped you, you would’ve started to trail off into a little ramble (in this case it would’ve been of unnecessary apologies), something you often did when you were clearly tired.

He soon reluctantly ends the kiss with a delicate peck, leaving you feeling more awake with a newfound blush across your cheeks. “You know you're always welcome here, love.” his hand came up to cradle your cheek as he reminded you, and from what the tone of his voice seems like the fiftieth time. And yes you knew you were always welcome to come whenever, especially when all his frat brothers treated you so nicely. It was just the overthinker in you that caused you to believe that you were overstepping, or getting too comfortable for his liking.

“I know bubs it’s jus’ that I can’t help but feel like I’m being a bother sometimes.” you tell him honestly while lowering your head slightly to hide the subtle redness that rose in your cheeks, partially from the after effects of the kiss but mostly from how his soft tone seemed to always make you melt inside.

“You're never a bother, love. Ever,” he states, making sure that his eyes were locked with Y/N’s as he muttered those words.

“Besides I could always use some of your company.” he says with a smile, and with you still not being fully used to all the affection you received from him yet, you could feel your heart flutter lightly in your chest from his words.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★

“So what brings you here,” Tom asks as he hangs up your coat for you, which you thank him for.

“Well, I was planning on getting some rest back at my apartment. But Yasmine texted me while I was on the way telling me her boyfriend was coming over.” you explain to him, and he nods understandingly. He already had a pretty good understanding of what your roommate had meant by her text so luckily for you there was no need to explain further.

“And there was no way I was going to be able to get any type of rest with them going at it in the room next to me. so I just came here knowing you’d be back already. ” you say, letting out a small huff that was almost inaudible, but Tom still managed to hear it.

“But look on the bright side, love” he starts, wrapping his arms around your waist to give you a comforting hug from behind. The simple gesture makes you feel more at ease as he rests his chin on your shoulder.

“If it weren’t for yasmine I wouldn’t get to spend the rest of the day with my girl.” he smiles, as he starts to pepper small kisses into the crook of your neck.

And although the feeling wasn’t anything less than nice, you couldn’t help but focus on his words, specifically the last two, and although they were words that you loved to be called, you knew they also held a conversation that has yet to be had between the two of you.

But before you could bring it up, Tom had already sensed your change in mood, and eventually removed his lips from your neck to see what the problem was. “What's the matter darling,” his eyebrows were furrowed as he tried to figure out what was on your mind.

‟W-what are we?” You ask him in a voice that’s barely above a whisper(clearly ignoring his question), but Tom could still hear it clear as day because of how close you were.

As you free yourself from his gentle grip around your waist you turn to face him, noticing the confusion written all over it. Which you were very aware was caused by your one little question that you knew probably confused the hell out of him, but you just couldn’t seem to get anything else out but that.

“What do you mean love?” his head is now cocked to the side with a puzzled look stitched on his face, making his curls flop to the side as well, his somewhat pouty lips making you involuntarily grin as you shake your head softly.

“I mean it’s been a few months since we’ve known eachother now” you took a deep breath. “And we are pretty close-,” he takes your face in his hand and caresses your cheek, “and I feel we should talk about us,..like what we are officially.” you explain, almost immediately second guessing yourself before you spoke again.

“Well is having a relationship something you even want with me?” you ask nervously, looking up at him, feeling your heart start to beat faster as you await an answer.

“Of course angel,” he assures, continuing to caress your cheek. “it’s jus’ you know that when it comes to relationships of all things I’m no expert,” he says with an obvious tone. “In fact I am just about as clueless as ever,” he mumbles with a laugh, making the corners of your lips upturn in the slightest.

“But if I’m being completely honest, you’ve made me feel things that no one has ever made me feel in my entire life. Made me feel a true happiness that I didn’t know I needed until I met you. I mean You're so kind and generous, and you always know how to make me smile and laugh. And you're one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met.

“And I know I’ve still got lots to learn when it comes to relationships, but I know I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone but you” he affirmed.

By the end, your eyes were glossy and filled with tears that threatened to escape, you hated how you had gotten so emotional in such little time. They end up falling regardless and stain your cheeks, But Tom was quick to wipe them away with his thumb.

Once your eyes start to clear you notice the sweet look that clouded his, as he waited for you to say something. However you decided to not respond with words, and with something much more intimate.

Without a second to spare you press your lips upon his. Creating a sweet kiss full of passion from the both of you as your lips moved in sync. You kissed each other almost as if it were your first time doing the act, which was far from true, but this one had a feeling better than anything you could ever hope for.

In time you broke the kiss to catch your breath, you couldn't help but look at each other, smiling like crazy as your lips brushed against each other’s.

“I guess we’re a proper couple now, huh.” he says, giving you another peck before pulling you into his chest. “I guess we are.” You smile happily as you relax into him.

His embrace felt so warm and comforting around you, so much that it made you let out a small yawn as your eyes fluttered shut against his chest.

“Looks like someone still needs their nap.” He teases, making you smile dopily as he gives one last kiss on your temple.

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onf-headcanons · 5 years ago

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First time

A Hyojin x reader fic

A/N: warning really long post , smut, fingering, soft dom hinting (?)

• A/N: actually i was writing with Korean dialogue in my head and i got stuck on the English word for 알았어/Arasso (understood, I get it but you can use it when empathising or agreeing with people in conversation) because the nuance is stiff if I used "understood" so I altered to "ok". But "ok" I worry it might sound like brush off even though it currently has the best nuance fit. So just heads up before you read. OK = Arasso in korean

• Again English is not my mother tongue even tho its my second language. So please bear with me if my English or my writing is horrible and weird

• OK story time let's go

• Knowing that you are inexperienced and it is your first time having a relationship, he never bring it up about having sex with you because he does not want to burden you and he does not want you to feel obligated

• He does have his needs but he just settle it himself so you also felt weird about him keeping quiet about the issue

• Maybe slightly triggered your uneasiness if he actually has another person but you do not dare to confront him because deep down you know you are just overthinking. So you try to bring it up sound non chalantly as possible on a Friday night, (which you failed to sound non chalant).

• You two are sitting at couch and Hyojin noticed your focus was not on the TV. His instincts kick in and he switched off the TV before he turns to you.

• "Anything bugging you?" The boy in red hair asks while looking into your eyes with concerned look. You pursued your lips and averted his gaze before replying him.

• Hyojin is surprised at your reply because he did not expect it. He truly thought you will be talking about concerns that has been stressing you out.

His signature "Uh-Oh??" sound comes out due to confusion

• He kinda lost his composure a bit. He is clearing his throat and he eyes are wavering. But you also noticed the corner of his lips rises upwards.

• "You sure?" He confirms with you.

• This time you look into his eyes and nods. His smile widens as he pats your head and ruffles you hair while at it.

• Hyojin speaks with a gentle tone: "Thank you for letting me know. Let's choose a day or date maybe? There is preparation-"

• You dropped another bomb before he could finish mentioning everything is prepared. Even condoms as well when you does not even know his size. Cues in flustered Hyojin.

• "Now this is awkward.. As your boyfriend, I am the one who supposed to prepare all of it. But you have done it all..."

• You expected him to say thank you but he went i to prankster mode and goes

• "*fake coughs* You are not the pure little baby I know anymore..."

• You quickly grasp his sarcastic tone and you could feel heat gushed from you chest and then to your ears. You lightly smack him on his shoulder as punishment for teasing you. He just laughs and apologies while loosely gripping your wrist.

• Both of your eyes meet again and you jolted a bit at the moment his other hand cups your cheek. He smirks a bit at how cute you reacted.

• "Y/N-ah, are you really sure now its fine?" He reconfirms while his thumb is caressing you cheekbone.

• "You are hesitating." You know when he is and you are not afraid to point it out.

• "Of course I am ! "Hyojin's tone suddenly goes higher and his eyes got bigger when he exclaims. You know him well that this is not an angry comment.

• "I tried my best not to bring this topic up since I truly afraid it will bring changes to our relationship. Bad changes I mean. I don't want to lose you by scarring you or make you feel burdened. " He elaborates his point and you nod at his words while listening.

• You smiled back at him and say: "I don't think I am that fragile. Thank you and sorry for making you endure so that you could protect our relationship. "

• Hyojin looking at you with a weird face while asking for the one last time, "You do know what does it mean right? Its not going to be just kisses and hugs like how we normally do it."

• You giggles at his weird Taurus energy that is insecure to sudden changes and reply him, "Yes I do."

• Hyojin pursed his lip for a short moment then he shortens his distance with you. He lands a peck on your lips like how he did usually. His hand that was gripping in your wrist shifts to holding your hand tightly with fingers interlocking. The other hand slides from your face to your chin.

• "Tell me if you want me to stop ok?" He says before pressing his lips on yours again. It was a different way of him kissing you than usual. He nibbles your lips a bit while still leaving light kisses in your forehead and jawline.

• You squeezed your eyes tightly shut and let him takes the lead. He saw you doing it and giggles.

• You open your eyes again when you heard him. Hyojin with smiley eyes pulls you towards him and kisses you again . You can totally tell he is trying things out with you as his advances.

• You responds back by copying how he did previously. You tense up a little when his tongue slightly swept your lips. He asks if you hated it and you shake your head.

• You noticed he paused a bit due to hesitation so you initiated another kiss by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulls him closer. His other hand which was interlocking fingers with you comes loose and shifted to your waist. You lost your balance and your back lands on the couch and cushions pillows. Hyojin did not land his full weight on you, he has his other arm supporting himself against the couch.

• He breaks off the kiss the moment your back landed on the couch and he is nagging at you to slow down while giving off the smug grin.

• (Might says phrase like cheon cheon hi haja chagiya / Slow down honey)

• You do not know how to respond but only look at him. Your hands which were on his shoulders moves to cup his cheeks while looking a bit pouty.

• Hyojin reads your intention immediately and replies with "OK i got it."

• He reach out to place his thumb underneath your lips. With a bit of pressure and your co-operation, you open up your mouth. He moves a bit to gain a better access before landing another kiss on you again.

• With a bit tongue involved, your body tense up and you hear yourself making noises responding to him unconsciously. Due to embarrassment, you clenches your fist. By doing that your grip on his shirt tightens to the point that he could not help noticing

• He pries in further with his tongue to explore more of your reactions. He is not forceful and still occasionally nibbling your lips. The aura and mood between you two changes and you could feel it. You whimpers when his hand which was at your back slides your waist. You felt somewhat ticklish so you push him away while breathing heavily.

• "Ticklish?" He asked.

• "I will be touching you for a bit." Before you answer, he continues his sentence while moving his hand underneath your shirt. The heat of his palm comes in contact with your bare skin. He caresses and drawing circles on your stomach which makes you jolts and squirms. His palm are not scorching hot but warm. You let out more soft noises in response to his touch.

• He moves his hand upwards to your chest and you let out a gasp as he slowly traces your body line while watching you. You turn your head side to avoid his gaze. It did not help much as you still can feel his gaze scanning your facial expressions. With his hands still touching all over your upperbody, Hyojin starts to kiss the side of your neck and move towards your collarbone and shoulder. He nibbles and sucks your skin lightly until the area turns pink.

• He bites your earlobe lightly and you felt it was funny as if he is hungry. Maybe you felt you should say something because the silence, the sensation and the mood are overwhelming as well as driving you insane

• "I don't think I am tasty though." You chuckles while caressing the back of his nape.

• "Stop it you pabo, I am trying hard not to lose my cool here." He retorts as he pushes himself up.

• Only now you notices Hyojin's ears are red and he is panting too.

• "You don't have to." You retorts his statement.

• Hyojin pauses. He distances himself and look at you. He licks his upper lip before he goes, "Look, I am happy that you trust me but I seriously don't want you to get hurt or had a bad experience because of my recklessness."

• "I know." You reply him with a firm tone. "It's fine not to be perfect, it just has to be you."

• With your reply, Hyojin swallows saliva and he glances his surroundings and then stands up from the couch. He pulls you up while he moving away from the couch. While sitting up, your gaze follow his movement. He leans towards you and kisses your forehead. Still holding your hands, he says"It's not going to be comfortable here, let's head to bedroom shall we?"

• You nods and follow him

• Maybe he would say something like "sorry that I am not Jaeyoung. I can't bridal carry you." You just laughs at him while he leads you towards the bedroom door.

• In bedroom he lets you bring up all the stuff you prepared and he picks out condoms which fit his size and a bottle of lubricant while you sit on bed waiting.

• Seeing him pouting while scanning the lubricant label to double check the ingredients. You could not help but chuckled due to his cuteness. Hyojin heard you and asks "What is it?"

• "I am just relieved that my first time is with you." You smiles at him. And he grins in agreement while lightly toss the bottle up to the air once before approaching the bed. He drops all the stuffs on bed and he undresses himself but still leaving his underwear on.

• Seeing him doing it, you reaches out to the hem of your shirt too but Hyojin stops you, "Let me." He sits beside you kissing your neck while he shoves his hand underneath your shirt.

• With your shirt off, you could not help feeling awkward and your arms raised up in attempt to cover yourself

• (You have bra still on you if you are a fem reader. He reaches towards your back and unclasp it to make it come off. It suddenly felt like you final protection goes off and you slightly raised your arms awkwardly trying to cover yourself. He knows your emotion by your body language but he did not call you off nor grabs your wrists to pull your arms apart revealing yourself.)

• You two shift to the center of the bed and sit facing each other. You finally let your arms down because of uncomfortable due to awkwardness. Hyojin reaches out to cup your cheeks and kisses you on your forehead praising you. "That's it, no need to hide." He then kisses the area under your ear then moves around a bit following the curve of your neck and shoulder.

• You reach out to one of his hand and place your hand on top. He slips his hand off and hold yours tightly before lowering down both of your hands to rest them on bed. His thumb is rubbing the back of you hand, while his other hand that was cupping your cheek moves to your shoulder.

• With a slight push, you are now on your back while Hyojin adjusts his posture and hovers over you. He leans to kiss you on your lips with his hand moving downwards to your chest. His caress and touch got even more sensual than before when both of you are at the couch. It make you increase the frequency of your jolts and your soft cries. Your hand kept wandering between the sheets and his skin due to the unfamiliar overwhelming sensation

• The kiss was longer and passionate than you expected. You pat his shoulder and he back away for a bit for you to breathe. He want to have another kiss but you push him back and he halts.

• "Ummm, is there anything you want me to do for you as well? " you ask timidly.

• He just shakes his head while smiling, "Nah not now. Let's focus on you learning what does it mean to feel good."

• You nods and he continues, "Just stay still and feel me." Once he finishes you could feel your cheeks got hotter. The way he said it took a toll on your heart. How the hell he can deliver such lines non chalantly?

• And without warning he is now landing kisses on your upper chest area. Once you are more comfortable for him to progress even more, he starts using his tongue to trace your skin occasionally with some sucking and nibbling. His other hand reach out and fondle the other side of your chest area.

• You let out moans and whimpers in repsonse to his actions. Once in a while exhaling his name as he advances to your stomach area. Out of embarrassment you covered your mouth with your hand in attempt to muffle down the noise you make.

• "Don't cover your mouth unless you want me to be bad." says Hyojin once he found out you have been trying to silence your voice. His tone sends you chills and you move the hands around your face

• He is moving downwards and his hands are now at the side of you hips touching the cloth of your underwear. As his fingers dig into the space between your underwear and your skin, you quickly reach out by instinct and sink your fingers into his hairs while calling out his name. Hyojin stops and raises his head to check on you for a moment.

• Panting, you apologises for the sudden movement. And you give him the permission to continue. He slides his hand to your private part area and slowly traces you through the cloth of your underwear. You try hard to compose yourself because every touch tingle your nerves. You even end up tearing up a bit.

• "Feeling good?" His voice was lower than usual as he speaks. You nod with your eyes closed in response. With your eyes shut, you can tell that Hyojin is now stripping your underwear. You co-operated.

• Hyojin then backs away a bit to grab the lubricant nearby. You open your eyes out of curiosity since you could not feel his hands. The view of Hyojin pouring some lubricant to his palm appeared before you. Your breathing get heavier as you grasp the situation. You fully understood what is coming up.

• "This might be a little cold." He mentions while he also pour some on you. You squirms a bit when the liquid comes contact to your skin. Hyojin hovers over you again before notifying that he will be help you loosen up. He tears one condom and slip it over his finger.

• As he slowly inserts his finger into you slight pain follows. Your moans got sharper and your hands grasp the sheets tightly. Hyojin noticed your motions and asks if you want him to stop but you decline his offer. He helps you to relax by kissing your forehead, cheeks and lips. His other hand was on your head, giving you light pats.

• He slowly works on loosing you up and attentively inquiring if you are feeling OK. You try your best to respond to him with words so that you can convey your experience properly but what comes out from you mostly are just heavy breathes and whimpers. He lands kisses on your forehead praising you when you are able to take in more of his fingers. Then he starts to thrust and lightly pressing around slowly until he finds your sweet spot.

• You never experienced that excitement before and it engulfs you completely. You hand reach out to his unconsciously while letting out loud moans. Little that you know, was Hyojin has his smug smirk on while observing your reactions. "That's it. Remember the sensation you are experiencing. " He increase the pace of his movements while sharing a deep kiss with you.

• You felt a weird urge so you pushes him back and tell him about it. He remains silent and did not slow down his thrusting fingers at all. In fact, he slightly increases his speed. You are at the point unsure if you should beg him to continue or stop, you endup repeating his name with tears rolling down your cheeks instead.

• "Yah, why are you so cute?" Hyojin murmurs in soft voice, he did not expect this reaction of yours. He crawls up on you kissing and nibbling you on the side of your neck.

• "It's OK, let it out." He whispers into your ears. Succumbed by the sensation, you wraps your arms around his neck and buries you head into the curve of his shoulder. Finally the weird urge gushes out from inner of you. That whole moment was new to you. Your body felt weak and one of your leg twitching. Your chest moving up and down as your are catching you breath. Hyojin disposes the condom while giving you some space to breathe.

• Hyojin returns and wipes away the tears on your cheeks while smiling. He kisses your cheek while at it and praises you. He notifies you that he will be continuing and you nods. Once gotten your approval, he backs away to shift his position. He grabs your leg at the inner thigh with one hand and lifts up. Then he adjusts himself to be kneeling between your legs.

• He pulls you towards him making your legs are now spread open and resting at the side of his thighs. And your hips are slightly raised. You could feel his hard bulge pressing against you through his underwear. You tense up as you feel his warmth.

• Hyojin asks for a pillow and place it under the back of your waist for support. He finally expose his private part in front of you when he puts on a condom. You could not help placing your gaze to his body part but your view is quickly block by his face as he leans closer to you. "Look up here." Hyojin lifts your chin up while he whispers to you before sharing another passionate kiss with you. You let out moans as his body part directly rubbing on yours. The heat from him is scorching.

• "I will go slowly ok?" Hyojin breaks off the kiss and guides himself to your entrance. He gives a slight push while pursuing his lips and his brows frowning. You can tell he is focusing on not to add too much force so that you don't get hurt.

• But it still hurts slightly and you tried to endure it as possible as you can. Stopping him from advancing his length into you when needed. Once he has all of him inside you, he did not move immediately and let you get used to his shape. Hyojin kisses you without warning hoping to help you relax by distracting from the pain but it somehow backfires.

• "Hey don't tense up." He groans as he breaks the kiss. Few drops of his sweat drops on your chest. You whine at him that you did not mean to.

• "Sorry." He chuckles and coos you while stroking his thumb at the center your forehead to ease off the frown you are making. You then reach out to ruffle his red hair. He look at you quietly with a light grin on his face before resting his forehead on yours.

• You kind off get the gist that Hyojin is having a hard time as he is being restless. He is making small movements here and there as if he cannot focus and distracting himself by interacting with you. You cup his face and give him the permission to move.

• "Let's wait a bit until you get used to it -" before Hyojin could finish you cut him off telling him its perfectly fine for him to continue. He acknowledges your intention and adjusts himself to a position he is comfortable. He lands a few kisses in your abdomen while mentioning you are the best.

• He starts his movements slow while observing your reactions. He tries to find your sweet spot and once he hit the jackpot, it made you weak against the ecstasy. Seeing you feeling the pleasure he starts increasing his speed. Your moans increases in repsonse to his rhythm. Hyojin also let out soft noises and groans while praising how your voice riles him up.

• He closes in to you and hovers on top of you while thrusting into you. It goes even deeper and you could not stop jolting your legs as he goes in and out. While at it he keep letting out noises that bless your ears.

• You loosen up your fist clutching on the sheets and move your hands to his forearms occasionally calling out his name and murmurs "I love you." to him. He leans and kisses you without slowing down his pace.

• After a long kiss Hyojin breaks it off and both of you gasping heavily for air. You feel that urge again and you inform him about it. He tells you he is close too and buries his head to the curve of your neck to your chest as he let out more vocal groans.

• With several more thrusts you both climaxed. Hyojin gotten wear out and he rest his full weight on you for some while as he catches his breathe. You wipe his sweat on his forehead with the back of your hand and comb his bangs backwards before asking him if he feels good.

• With half of his face still buried at your chest area Hyojin mentions that he had an amazing experience with you. He pushes himself up and kisses you on your cheek. "How about you though?" he asks

• You answer his concern and thank him for being considerate. "Now I know why people would wanna do this with their partner." You look at him in the eyes with your finger stroking his cheek.

• Hyojin only smiles and kisses your forehead. He pushes himself up and away from you. His warmth inside you leaves your body but it is still looking energetic.

• Before you could say anything, your partner hurried himself out of the room to pantry and returns with a glass of water. He helps you as you push yourself up. Once you finished replenishing yourself "Let's get you cleaned up." He says as he grabs your arm.

• You pulls him back and carefully ask if his desire was not fully satisfied. He ruffles your hair and mentions he will settle it his own because he does not want to burden your body. You somehow feel obligated that Hyojin endured himself just because you are inexperienced. How long have he endured until today? Did he held back because of consideration?

• "Hyojin, " you call out. You bite your lower lip before you continues, " I want to do it again."

• "No need to rush, we have plenty of time to come." He responds while giving you another pull hinting you to get up. But you did not budge. Your eyes meet and he calls out your name because he could not resist your gaze.

• "I told you I am not fragile as you think, so don't hold back." You counter at his proposal.

• "Aish," as he curses he warns you before he pushes and pins you back to bed, "Don't blame me if you can't feel your legs tomorrow ok?."

A/N: thank you for those who made it until here. This is my first smut fic attempt so I again apologise if I did not meet your expectations . I tried to keep it gender neutral as possible.

-end-

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revengerevisited · 4 years ago

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i found this vanqua fic the other day, it’s only a couple chapters but i like it so far. :3 it does have a ‘creator chose not to add warnings’ label though, so please be cautious. also baby-xemnas aka kotbysleep (nsfw) aka nekokat42 (also nsfw) is a much better vanqua artist than me so please check him out. X’D (heads-up those twitter threads are way longer than you think so make sure you see eeeverything~).

anyway, more wip art below the cut, plus my endless rambling (i talk about 18+ topics, just a warning)—

i’m still working on venqua week and i’ve got 2 more prompts to go, one i haven’t started yet and one i’m halfway done with—

~aaand yeah i’m re-using it for a vanqua pic too... X’D am i lazy, or just resourceful? you decide. ;P

but yeah, both of these pics will have an 18+ version as well. i admit i’m super anxious about posting it next week, as i’ve seen just how absolutely toxic fandom is on twitter. like, you thought tumblr was bad? i’ve spent the last few days preemptively blocking literally hundreds if not thousands of antis just so i can feel a little safer posting my content without some asshat calling me a pedo or telling me to kill myself over cartoons. XU i somewhat worry that i’ve accidentally blocked some people who were just joking around and weren’t actually harassing anyone, but it’s just so hard to tell sometimes. if i’ve accidentally blocked anybody here, just let me know so i can unblock you. :3 (idk why that sentence came out so sinister sounding but i’m legit being sincere X’D).

but seriously, idk when fandom suddenly got such a stick up its ass (around 2016-17 from my guesstimate) and decided aging-up a fictional character by a year or two is such a crime, but i guess that’s just the state of things. :T i could draw vanitas as a centaur or make him blond or whatever and no one cares, but aging him by one year? suddenly big problem! yeah, right. XP like, i know i said every character in kh is 17+ as of khmom (ignoring any weird timeline retcons of course), but heck i could make an honest case for the wayfinder family all being adults. hear me out—

it’s been 13 years since bbs, right? and for 12 of those years, aqua was in the realm of darkness, terra had some awareness while being possessed by xehanort, ven experienced some of sora’s life when he was in a coma, and vanitas was almost certainly in ven/sora’s heart as well, so all four of them could be said to be 31, 33, and 29 respectively. it’s not like their character models were any different when they were young teens as opposed to older teens, so can we really be sure they’re not all 30~ by now? heck, since ven is from the age of fairytales i could say he’s 1000 years old if i wanted too! (psst, it’s almost as if these are all fictional characters living in a fantasy world with time travel and whatnot and their ages are completely arbitrary numbers nomura made up on the spot, numbers which he has retconned before! :P).

now i don’t actually think they’re that old, but if people are gonna hassle me over a goddamn 2-year age difference, i might as well say fuck it and have fun with it, right? ;P it’s not like antis even know what the canon character ages even actually are, like when they try to say that skuld is underage when (assuming she’s subject x) she’d be around 28~ by now, or axel and saïx’s age. (maybe i’ll draw some saïx x skuld art and watch the antis lose their minds. ;P it wouldn’t even have to be nsfw to rile them up).

anyway, i do admit i’m feeling a little burned out on art recently. XP i’ve been trying to get one art piece out per week plus venqua week, and yeah it’s kinda taken its toll. i know this really isn’t anything anyone wants to hear, but i’ve been kinda thinking of moving away from fandom projects to work on my own original work. now, i’m not saying i’m abandoning a heart and a half nor anything as drastic as that! but i have spent like 2 years of my life on it just to get to the halfway mark, and i’m not sure i can spend 2 more doing only that.

i’ve got an original story idea that i’ve been working on-and-off on for the past 7 years or so, and i’m thinking of going back to it again (it does need a pretty big re-write). its main pairing is actually pretty vanqua-ish, now that i think about it. like, imagine the realm of darkness but instead of the heartless it’s infested with demons, and the main characters are the demon-slaying duo of a serious yet kindhearted half-angel and a feral, snarky half-demon. i even aged them up from 14 to 18 so none of my potential fans have to suffer the same anti bullshit that i have. XP

what else can i ramble about... oh, i got these super cute pins for christmas! :D the heartless is by xkirakira, and vanitas and aqua are by maxxmerch. they’re just so cute! X3 i hope everyone had a merry christmas and a happy holiday! i’ll see you guys later. ^3^

*looks around sheepishly* ó3ò alright... confession time. spoilers for a heart and a half for the rest of this post—

sooo~ i’ve kinda hinted at this before, but yeah i’ve always planned on adding a sex scene to a heart and a half; when i started writing back in 2018 i hadn’t realized how hostile fandom had become compared to only a few years ago, and it worries me that some readers might drop the fic because of it, or be angry with me over the underage aspect. :(

idk, i could go on about how i just wanted to explore every aspect of a romantic relationship, or how other disney/square enix characters married or had kids young (ariel, sarah hawkins, héctor, claudia strife, possibly jasmine), or how attempting to apply real-world rules to a videogame fantasy setting is inherently silly and pointless, but really it’s just ‘cause i love vanitas and aqua to bits and i just wanted to write a cute and funny mild sex scene between them (this fic is rated mature, not explicit, so much less graphic than confection affection), and at the end of the day they are just fictional characters, after all.

i guess all i can hope for is that i’m a skilled enough writer to pull it off in a believable way, and that my audience won’t be too put off by it. >_> i know vanitas and aqua have technically only known each other for about 2 months so it might not be ‘realistic’ for them to go so far into a relationship so soon, but i think it’s important to remember that ultimately this is a romantic fairytale, and other canon disney couples haven’t seen nearly as deeply into each other’s hearts as vanitas and aqua have (and this video also helped me feel better about it).

i also wanted to finish that nsfw venqua fic i started a few months back, it’s set just before the mark of mastery so yes ven would be 16. i suppose it’s a way of testing the waters to see what kind of reception i’d get (hopefully positive) before i get to that part of a heart and a half. i was also thinking of including some of the uh, ‘keyblades as erogenous zones’ aspect from this terraquaven fic as well... w-why are you looking at me like that?! it’s funny! *sweats nervously* o3o’

in all honesty, i’m probably just overthinking all this (which, knowing me, is almost a guarantee >_<) and i should just *ahem* let my heart be my guiding key, and just write what i want to write without worrying about it all the time. i just get so anxious so easily... buuut that’s not really news to anyone, now is it? ;P well, i think that’s the end of my endless ramble, thanks for reading if you got this far. X’D and i really hope i didn’t actually upset anybody about a heart and a half. ;_; i just felt like i needed to vent a little, but don’t worry about me, i’m doing fine. anyway, i really should stop typing and get back to work on venqua week, sooo... bye! X3

#wip #rambles #rant #tagging just in case

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cristalknife · 4 years ago

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On Comments, feedback anxiety on both the writer and the reader’s side

If one could look into my WIP draw, or take a glance at the fics I’ve actually posted, it becomes clear misunderstandings based on miscommunication is something I seem have a thing for. In all honesty is more of a lifelong study and recurring theme I keep stumbling on or consciously walking into. Preface: I am only human and mistakes can happen, but usually I try to handle the detailed label (also referred as Read the Tin or as written on the tin) of major warning with my writings that is usually missing in any other aspect of life, sort of a lovely user manual/preview so one could know to walk away before getting invested or worse triggered.

Or at least know exactly what they signed up for.

Is it perfect? No but at least it’s there, as a writer I did all I could to avoid unpleasantness, the rest it’s up to the reader’s discretion. Which leads me to the heart of this post: comments, feedbacks, criticism, politically correctness, manners and the anxiety they produce in both the writer and the reader.

The picture is big so I’ll divide in sides, but remember that people are made of multiple sides, and sometimes those sides are at odds or outwardly warring against each other. That’s pretty average for any irrational human being with emotions.

From the POV of an overthinking anxious writer:

1) Ao3′s Kudos are sort of like a watered down thumbs up, after about 4-5 fic posted (or ~15K words of stories out there to be consumed), they became the kind of anxiety triggers feeding thoughts of why so many people/guests left a kudo but the story wasn’t good enough to warrant the time of a comment/review 2) Comments are lovely reminder someone found something in your words that made them react so strongly they felt like sharing that reaction with you was worth their time.

2.1) Comments are also the cause of anxiety about their content before you have the courage to read what they says...

3) Criticisms and feedbacks can be a wonderful tool to improve your writing for the next story. But not if they are laced with insult, personal attacks in that case they are the kind of black hole that pushes people to stop writing all together, or at least stop sharing what they write.

4) single emoji (♥), 2 char long (<3) comments takes years of effort and a lot of conditioning to remember to slip in reader mode and appreciate the effort it took to stop and do even that, instead of allowing doubts to gnaw at the back of your head with waaaiiiiit that’s all? was it good? was it bad? arrrghhh what does it even mean???

5) Statistics and numbers, those are the evilest of the most buggering things and the most vile tempters that will push you to compare your stories against others (a futile exercise in frustration and pointless reason to shred one’s own self confidence to the tiniest of pieces for literally nothing)

5.1) Especially when you have two writing mind frames:

writing the stories you want to read (and usually it is either a niche where you’ve already consumed all you could find so you write it because duh, more content might ignite back the fire please, or you haven’t found yet someone to say it how you want to read it) vs what I simply call

exorcism writing (the kind of free therapy exercise when something is bugging the heck out you and not leaving your mind so you put it down to words and then let them fly free, instead of trapping them on a diary you’d just return to read and start the vicious cycle all over again)

5.1.1) and your exorcism stories become more popular than the stories you want to read, because at the end of your raw ranting exorcism you managed to write something that would end up falling within mainstream tropes. Which just makes you sad because those were not the result of love and planning and endless hours of writing and editing that you put in your other stories.

6) I’m not writing fan fiction to be an educator, it is possible that my day job is being an educator, but unless I’m there writing textbooks, as a writer it is not my responsibility to teach the reader something that has to be authentic, realistic and a good practice. I’m just here to tell a story. Or are you really telling me that you watch superheros movies and series and expect them to appear outside your window? If you just laughed then why are you looking at fanfic smut with the expectation of finding a more interesting and alternative way to have a sex ed lesson? If you subscribe to the school that a story has has to make sense... Let me ask have you ever read some of the greatest literature works like Frankenstain, Moby Dick, The Hobbit, Journey to the center of the Earth, Alice through the looking glass, Aeneas, if you did and subscribe to “fiction as to make sense” then please please enlighten me I’m rady to sit back and hear all the points you can make how any of those are realistic representations of how things go. If you says that those are just stories told oh so long ago... Lets pick more recent ones, the Harry Potters books, Goosebumps, Twilight, The Shadowhunters Chronicles, 50 shades of , all those are listed as fiction which yes sadly too many used as a portrait of theme touched in there as realistic because the story was not set in a fantastical world and made the mistake of treating a work of fiction as a documentary... Sorry people I’m a writer, choosing the right words matters, words meanings and definitions matter please learn to think critically, and learn your words, there is a difference between fiction and documentary 6.1) At the same time it might be that I am the kind of writer who loves to add factually authentic things in my writings, someone who actually had spent hours and hours on research to make sure that what they have been writing is not utter and complete made up rubbish, and that’s ok too. I do not expect readers to assume it is correct or that it is purely made up, and if someone is curious they could use the comment to ask a question, I’ve never turned out a curious question, even when it was difficult to answer it

7) Just because I am writing about something, it doesn’t mean I support it... Again those are stories, not a scientific report on a lab experiment, I can write about abusive relationships, doesn’t mean I support them, I could write about self harm or depression, doesn’t mean I am encouraging those behaviors, in fact those usually come with a Trigger Warning, why? because a reader should have the option to walk away from what should be just a moment of pleasure and relax, not finding themselves triggered because I didn’t want to spoil the surprise of what was going to come in a story posted on the internet... 8) This far I’ve personally chosen to not push for comment, no beg necessary, I decided years ago to be the kind of self centered bad ass who writes for themselves, who’s not going to dangle the promises of more chapters in exchange for comments, I dislike the practice, and I find too exhausting shouting left and right hey hey I’ve written this read it read it... So I do get why my stories do not have such a large audience, it doesn’t help I’ve actually posted way less than what I’ve written over the years. I do welcome comments, though I have no clue on how to respond to short ones, or a single emoji/<3 to all chapters to those I end up answering only to the most recent one of that person and thank for their support. Longer comments are easier to answer because it gives me something to say back or comment/thanks for, though it becomes weird for me when someone speculate on future developments in what they wish to see, and since I’ve recently adopted the policy of posting only completed stories (even for the chaptered ones that will not be posted at the same time, the number of total chapter is not an estimation it is exactly the number of files I’ve divided the story into for reasons) because I do know whether something of that sort will happen or not, and I don’t want to put someone out of my story if they are too invested in see what they imagined happen... Though as I do write stories I’d like to read I’m quick to encourage aspiring writers to feel free to take that what if and work with it, just to please mention that my story inspired theirs and that I’d love to see what they come up with. Constructive criticisms, I do not have a beta for most of my works, I do not work too well depending on other people’s time, I confess even in the past I received criticisms that were not constructive if we push the boundaries and call those criticisms rather than just plain old complains, which is sort of the reason why I stopped explicitly encouraging communication. Because I do expect respect, you don’t know anything about me or what I believe in, you might make some guesses from my profile because I haven’t been shy and pretty open on them, but I won’t accept being personally attacked or talked to in a disrespectful manner just because you didn’t like what I wrote. I have no problem accepting criticisms, as long as they are criticisms and not just whining. You cannot come to me with “I hate your story” and leave it at that, you already took the time to express your opinion instead of simply walking away, the least you can do is explaining why... Otherwise I seriously don’t get why you wasted both of yours and more importantly my time and energies... From the POV of a spoonie reader who barely has the energy to read: 1) Ao3′s Kudos are a life saver that allows you to show your appreciation (even if you are allowed only one as registered user) with only a click (and some times even that click takes so much out of you) instead of relegating you to invisible reader, barely visible number (*coughs*ff.net*coughs*) or forcing you to make a story a favorite/followed

2) Comments are the source of anxiety, because you might want to show support but would they get that or would it sound strange? will the author understand that a a ghsafdgsakdjfh (read: key smash) happened with excitement and love and you’ve no other words to express it? 2.1) also trying to put your support in words when you are in your pj cozily being a blanket burrito and reading from your phone in bed because there’re no more spoon left for the day it’s hard

3) The author asked for R&R, or welcomes comments and constructive criticism. You loved the story enough to spend energies to

point out things that were plain plot hole or downright inconsistency or lose ends, pointing out botched translations from your own mother tongue and offering correction that were not google translated, in ao3 case pointing out lack of some appropriate tags, which would have 1 improved your story’s visibility and 2 allowed the reader to choose whether they wanted to read it or not both points that would have benefit you as author...

Only for the author to react:

- badly with a why are you such a nitpick hadn’t anyone told you that you should just stay silent if you have nothing nice to tell me? - Excuse me you’re the one asking for my opinion not my adoration, I gave you exactly what you asked for, if you cannot handle your work being nitpicked or the holes in your plot being publicly poked then there’re fabulous people called Beta reader who will give you the needed dose of though love in private get one..

- badly with a don’t like don’t read - legit reader’s counter point is I wouldn’t have read it if you had given me a way to know then what I discovered now [personal addendum, on a not that well low energy day it takes me less about 3 mins and half to read 1.5K words don’t came at me on your 1k long story and tell me I could have stopped reading when I noticed it wasn’t that good for me...I was done with it before I could get any warning]

- dismissively because a meet cute clearly is an AU - Bless your heart if you need me to point out to you that there is a difference between an Alternative Universe (AU) and a Canon Divergence and the fact that meet cute is a trope which in fandoms usually implies different circumstances within the fandom’s canon world of the first meeting between the characters in the main relationship but doesn’t automatically include different premises for the character example:

in canon: characters from a magical supernatural fandom one a wizard with magic, one a fighter with superhuman speed and holy weapons, in their first meeting the fighter saved the wizard’s life.

in a meet cute: a wizard and a fighter with superhuman speed and holy weapons meet in the middle of the forest where the fighter was hunting for food failing miserably and the wizard took pity on the fighter and offered to share their dinner, if the fighter dared to step inside the wizard’s home

in a No Power/Human AU meet cute: where there is no magic, one of the two is a barista who uses flirty coffee jokes lines to call the other’s person order, and finally discover they are an accountant so instead they start using math puns to get the accountant’s attention.

Those are all valid stories but as an author don’t came at me believing that just because you mention a trope that is enough to distinguish between the 2° and 3° examples, or that having mentioned the trope gives you the standing to look down at me if I do have my own reasons that you do not know about for wanting to read only stories like the second pitch and get upset but still tell you in a polite way that there are missing tags in your story, especially when you’ve falsely advertise your 3° like pitch as if it was a 2° one and I get upset and let you know about it and do so with the curtesy of signing it with my name rather than leave an guest/anonymous comment

- shrugging off issues with the tags with a Oh but I’m bad at tagging -

then I have 3 things to say to you buddy one) that’s not an excuse if you haven’t learnt how to do it yourself get a beta, get a friend, read more and compare what your story tells with a similar one and how that one is tagged, there’re ways Ignorance is not an excuse;

two) you can’t claim you’re bad at tagging but then refuse to listen when someone is pointing out to you more tags for your story, dud learn how search engines work, searching by tag is basically having a filtered search, the more tags your fit your story the more venues your story can appear in reader’s search for something to read... which means visibility for your work, are you really telling me that you dislike to have that and would prefer less people reading what you post? then sorry but I think you’re doing it wrong and should get a diary instead, not post them on the internet.

addendum: still claiming to be bad at it after having posted over 40 stories and all posted in recent times in the span of a couple of months, just suggest you lack the intelligence to learn how to do things. Which only encourages me to never ever get close to your works, certainly to never promote or share them if not actively discouraging my friends from spending their time on them.

three) and guess what? there is a frikking I'm Bad At Taggingtag for that too!!!

As a reader I might be ranting in this post, but the long effect of those is a growing apathy and increased unwillingness to spend my energies for commenting unless I’d really really really really liked or loved a story, or I have something more than a one liner to share, which while I intellectually know it might be unfair to let the whole pay for the disrespect of few, my own survival instinct is glad I’m not spreading myself even thinner...

truthful disclaimer: in all fairness it has been my experience, that those reactions usually come from authors with already quite few stories or a decent word count out there.

New authors are still very much enthusiastic and happy about even the smallest crumbs of recognition or encouragement, which in return is lovely because it recognise that my own time and energy as reader are worthy, that it does take effort to share an opinion or encouragement or suggestion.

4) The author might never know how that day I posted that single emoji, or two character <3, it was one of those bad days when even opening a small water bottle to swallow down the painkillers was too much, when using a finger to scroll down the page to reach the end of the story had wiped out more energies than I could really afford and yet I still pushed myself to leave a sign that I was there and appreciated their story

5) readers should be allowed to have the “if you thought writing was hard, try commenting other people words” tag... because sometimes especially on older platforms (yes ff.net I’m looking at you) as a reader I can’t find the energies to wipe up something to say so I become a silent invisible reader. And sometimes it’s really that I am able to stand only stories with certain characteristics, personally for example I do not have the emotional fortitude to read more a certain amount of Work In Progress at the same time across multiple fandoms because my brain can’t recall all the details and I might not feel to rereading the story from the beginning every single time there is a new chapter... 6) Maybe it’s because I’m way out of my teens, maybe it’s because even in my teens and before stories were my safe place, my escape, I do not expect things to be factually correct in stories, but I am a logic driven person, I will see those plot holes and I might even poke through 'em if I find your story good enough that I feel it would be a pity not pointing those things out. You cannot tell a classic vampire story (not the twilight kind of sun sparkling vampires but the sun burn me to ashes kind) and have your group of vampires prancing about at noon of a clear summer day without some sort of reason for that to work. I promise you, I’m not picky, I will accept ridiculous reasons like they were standing under and umbrella covered from head to toes and none of their skin was exposed to the sunlight, but do put the effort to give me a reason why I should believe it was intentional, or do not cry and complain if I do decide to point out dude you’ve normal vampires that are sunbathing and did not become piles of ashes that’s not plausible... 7) Stories are just that, something to listen to, they don’t have to have a moral for them to be worthy of being shared, they don’t have to be a mirror of your thoughts, or they could be a mirror of your beliefs, and if I am commenting on them I’m commenting on the story itself not your connection to it. And I do need you to advertise in advance if there’re things that might be triggerish, because what might be just a mental exercise of stepping outside your shoes, if not done might result in me walking into a panic attack while maybe I was just recuperating for one and trying to find comfort or a distraction. While I as a reader cannot know you author and where you come from, unless you want to make an ass of u and me do not assume you know where I am or what path I’m walking in my life as a reader. 8) I despise people telling me what to do, especially if I didn’t ask for an opinion... If someone (who doesn’t have an economical or authorative position over me) demands me to do something the chances I’ll be do it, especially if I was going to do it before, become nil instantaneously. I’ve been running and lurking in writing circles and fanfictions for closer to three decades at the time this is being written, and from the very beginning I found disgusting and deplorable the practice some authors adopted of bargaining reaching certain numbers of comments/kudos in exchange for the next chapter. I can respect an author saying I don’t want to get this or that, but the final result is that most likely I would walk away without commenting even if it would have been a story I would have otherwise supported. There’re few authors I do know personally, at least superficially through other channels, that have this kind of disclaimers and I still comment. But that’s because I have an appreciation and will to support the person themselves who also happened to be authors.

#long post #LLF inspired #LLF Comment Project related #comments and feedbacks #personal rant #listing differences #between what I write and what I believe #between what is fic and what is reality #between writer and reader mentality #between writing the stories you want to read and exorcism writing #talked about with a pinch of humour #ok maybe dark humour #have I spent hours and probably more spoon on this than it was healthy?#probably so #but it was worth it #or so i hope

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currentfandomkick · 5 years ago

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Miraculous Team and the Batboys- Mundane Monday and Plot is Connecting Maybe

HEY so thank you all for waiting, puppy plus work being mobbed is hell, so this took forever to get brain power to write... oh well.

Marinette was on guard when she came into class. Her meeting of the “End Gabriel Agreste” Club with its core four members—herself, Chloe, Nino and Sabrina—went well. They were now 15% away from their goal.

Apparently Felix snatched up 3% on his own and gave it to MDC while she was away. Apparently it was his way of a peace offering… or a bribe not to kill him on sight. She wasn’t sure which… yet.

Properly awake and with her favorite drink (blend of dark roast, cream and a tiny bit of Energy Mayhem Special) she was good for the day. Everyone had their usual orders in their seats.

She raised an eyebrow when she noticed a text from Red Robin on her phone, currently a rose and bird emoji label.

RR: So, scale of one to ten, how bad is it if I accidently figured out your partner?

Marinette took a deep breath at that, checked the classroom (Nino was off with Kitty Section debating how to fix the ‘off’ bit of the rift in Rose’s latest song—something about it not ‘punching right’ and Luka being busy with his other band, Chloe and Sabrina were currently fighting Bustier in her office, Alya was conspiring with the Girl Squad on Lila’s end since she wasn’t in, Max and Kim were obviously eavesdropping on that conversation while Nathaniel was off in his own world). Damian still hadn’t come in, and Adrien wasn’t in yet… she wondered if her Chaton was going to sleep in for once.

LB: Please tell me you haven’t told your team

She kept her breathing steady, not letting panic overtake. That would alert people she didn’t want knowing, to looking, which leads to suspecting and rumors and theories and she’d like to avoid that entirely—especially since she still can’t really lie.

RR: I have a feeling you would kick us all out if I did, so I haven’t.

Marinette sighed, tension leaving her shoulders.

LB: Good. Keep it that way as long as you can, okay?

RR: They’re detectives, once they have the pieces they’ll put it together… also, why is your team so easy to figure out?

Marinette winced at that.

LB: Dumb Magic Rules.

Like the one that training a wielder young will prevent corrupting them to use it for personal gain. Like the one where a Guardian cannot be a True Guardian until they connect to the entire Box or Set of kwami. Like the one where Fu can’t give up being Guardian until she’s fully fledged… and that means until she can reclaim the Nooroo and Dusuu and heal Dusuu’s miraculous. That when she does—when she does Fu is gone.

She kept her breathing steady. nothing that they wouldn’t see as Typical Marinette Fretting Over Orders… not that they knew she had those cleared for the month.

“Good morning Dupain Cheng.”

She put her phone away easily, quick to keep up Typical Marinette (no plotting or superheroing here, just Typical Marinette, Baker’s Daughter and Keeper of Secret Drink Menu).

“Hi Damian, how was your weekend?”

“Annoying.” She winced at that. He didn’t exactly have friends here, and time differences are a horrible strain on them… Maybe Ladybug should keep an eye on him… just in case. “I hope yours was adequate.”

She was really wondering who taught him French today… he was being less him and more… stuffy than usual.

“I just needed some time away...” Honestly, she needed a lifetime away from Bustier and Hawkmoth… Lila was manageable (now).

“I am glad you were able to then.”

She was wondering where her deskmate went and why he wasn’t looking at her… Maybe she overdid it last week? She—no. She is stopping her analysis brain from going off and---

“Hello Marinette,” grinned obviously Not-Adrien. Seriously—how did they all fall for it back then? Body language, facial tics, accent—its all wrong.

She narrowed her eyes, not aware that Damian was doing the same beside her.

“Aw, didn’t you miss me?”

Nino came over then, scrunching up his nose as they both could tell Fake Adrien Agreste from the real one with ease now.

“What are you doing here,” Nino was definitely tired… He was not applying his sleep schedule quiz results at all. She was so lecturing him… lunch. She could pencil it in for lunch after wrecking Felix for taking Adrien’s place for the day.

“Oh, good to see I-Love-You Girl isn’t the only one that grew a brain since I last saw you all.” Felix raised an eyebrow at Damian, lingering. Plotting. “You’re new.”

“American Transfer, leave him out of whatever’s going on in that thing you call a brain.” Marinette was not going to deal with an akuma over this. Nope. She was not dealing with that again—or a series of Akuma… God she was going to kill Felix personally if he did. Chloe was untouchable as the Mayor’s daughter, but him? She could take him down again.

“And where’s my bro?”

“Your precious Ladybug,” He sneered, “didn’t cast whatever she did last time, and he’s home sick since his allergies are acting up. I figured it’d be as good a time as any to pull our old switcheroo to keep his Father-Farthest away.”

Marinette twitched at that. She knew she was forgetting something… She sent a quick text to Red Robin.

LB: Why didn’t you tell me it was Mr. Pigeon irl, not video!

RR: …you thought I figured it out from a video?

Marinette rolled her eyes openly at her phone, ignoring Nino as he threatened Felix with his own brand of Bro Shovel Speech.

LB: detectives, most of our battles are caught a decent amount on video, and most of Paris knows that Mr. Pigeon makes him sneeze. Really not a hard recon.

RR: I think you are overestimating my willingness to watch amateur video at length when I can outsource.

Marinette huffed at that.

LB: So you trusted them to not miss major clues when you were all working on different things and would miss key connections?

RR: we’re on the same page as a team. Plus, I get better info filtered with my apps

LB: Magic Fucks Things Up

RR: I’ve noticed.

She looked up to see Damian staring ahead, and wondered if she did something, or didn’t or—NO! Bad Marinette—no going down Rumination Ruin until its time to sleep. She needs daytime for Plotting, Nighttime for Anxiety and Regrets to run wild.

She kept her attention forward when class began, pointedly Not Talking To The Gremlin but not busting him either—she wasn’t going to get Adrien in trouble. Bustier may not notice the abuse signs, but a few other teachers had, and were given the ‘heads up’ by Nino and Chloe and Sabrina.

Lila was the only one unaware of the switch when she left during lunch to drop off a few deliveries her parents asked her to handle when the rush hit. Mostly to one elderly home, and one to her favorite Rescues Only center.

(if she was seen cooing at Lord Murder—yes she knows that’s a Bad Name but the giant kitty amputee was named that years ago before she was found and stubbornly refuses all other names. So, Lord Murder (Never Lady, she hisses at that) it was.)

She blinked when she saw Damian walk in on her checking the Lord Murder’s prosthetic.

“Hey Damian.”

“Dupain Cheng.”

Marinette nodded in acknowledgement and hoped he didn’t catch her calling Lord Murder “the lord and master of murder, the most deadly kitty in existence, and yes, clearly the most cunning of kitties to manage to scratch Mean ol’ Jean with the new paw when it doesn’t even have claws, because you are The Lord Murder, kitty of cuteness and wrath to all unwanted bath times.”

He was watching her then. “Lord likes you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow, as yes, her favorite rescue (sorry Chat) likes her. She’s the one who argued them into letting them try out prosthetics and handled the funding (officially as MDC) and may have gone overboard on checking everything from the fits and materials and… yeah, okay, she could admit that the giant fluffy Norwegian Forest home in a millisecond if it wasn’t for the health code violation (soon… Gina mentioned she might stop renting out her old house soon as the current group was only a quick temp and she didn’t want someone else living there that wasn’t like family… and something about her Lost Son using it for the moment. Maybe she could convince Maman and Papa to let her do house sitting is she breaks out the Kitten Eyes.)

“Yes. Yes she does.”

Then Lord slow blinked at Damian. She wasn’t sure if she sould be offended or worry her favorite might be adopted by someone else, or glad that it was a serial pet adopter that actually took care of their pets and would be just as nuts as her about making sure Lord Murder was happy and healthy.

“I see she likes you too.”

She could feel Tikki dying in her bag… yes, she was being… awkward. She got it…

“Anyways, I should get going, still have a delivery to do and all so…”

She didn’t, she just really had no idea how to broach the Awkward that was Damian Greyson at the moment.

“See you tomorrow.”

That got him to pause. “Tomorrow?”

“Uh, gymnastics for the rest of the day, making up for what I missed so…”

“If you see the Other Grayson, tell him he is not to hug you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. “I…” Brother, father, maybe cousin or legal guardian or friend of his father’s. Too many possibilities, too much to spiral on that she can’t right now. SO.

“O. okay then.”

“Good.”

Marinette waited for him to leave the room, looking at a Too Amused Lord Murder.

“Don’t you start with me, I know I’m a mess on a good day. And no, I’m not overthinking this time Lord, I’m planning, there’s a difference… And no, its not an Alya Plot.”

Those went sideways too fast.

She left with ease and froze at the text from Red Robin.

RR: Can we meet up tonight? No traces that way.

She sent a time and place and –If no akumas happen.

THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING. it has been a hellish time at work and extra shifts and war-zone lately on top of Precious Puppy Bonding and Care. As always, edits when I can get there and any comments or things you'd like to see expanded on more, leave a comment and I'll try to work it in if it flows.

As you can see, Plot Lines are converging soon.

Big Question though--what kind of Lila Exposed By Class do we want/are angling for? I can go legal or social backlash, blacklisting from Agreste brand, or some combo, or keep it a background element as I don't like how cannon Lila is written and the characters altered to make her bad lies work, so...

Other inquiry--do we want Dick to see Marinette take down someone (probably trying to rob her) on her way out of her gymnastics place on her way home using a few Obviously MIxed Gymnastics and Specific Brand of Martial Arts that feels oddly familiar to Nightwing who tells Red Robin and for him to groan as 'Coffee Angel, Why!' and then the next day its 'oh. Coffee Angel is also That Woman's Granddaughter. It all makes Sense now.' (as i hc Gina as probably busting a few drug, weapons, and human trafficking rings on occasion as how she met Jason back in the day) OR for him to only see the end as Nightwing and stare as she took them down and used her earbuds as 'makeshift handcuffs' while she's calling Sabrina as "I'm fine, no dodged their hits and yes i didn't get gassed this time... yes I'll let the medics look me over and no i'm not going to vanish before they get here unless Akuma, Yes if that happens i'll go to the hospital after--Look, i think i saw a shadow just move. I'm going on Akuma-mode now so... Thanks!" before running to meet up with Red Robin and have it take meeting Gina and looking between Gina and Marinette and how she responds to Jason trying to spar with her and then it clicks? I can go either way, but... Tim figures them out quick and straight up says at one point "I mean, Queen Bee after Style Queen, inverse colors... I've seen the multiverse, I had her pegged after seeing her in the bakery last week." All while Not Telling The Bats as Marinette's team doesn't even know and he has a feeling (correctly) she'll react Badly if she isn't the one to tell him before he comes clean, and ears her bolting as 'no support, team leader, and often absentee and likely disabled mentor, civilian life was a wreck for two years and her civilian safety net is only JUST reforming... hm. That's Famil--Oh.... well... wait until trust is there and let her move on that front, try not to set her off and offer help in what she'll allow--or risk pissing off the demi-goddess of creation and his Coffee Angel. Which he'd like to avoid, please and thank you.

Yeah, Tim is definitely going to Project on Marinette in this.

Also, I see Jason or Dick as Getting Marinette is InvolvedTM next... and Damian being the one to confirm the suspicions.

Prefer Jason Big Brothering or Dick "New Sister Mode Engaged" to suspect she's a temp hero? (Jason via Have You Seen Her in a Spar--and it's Gina's Granddaughter vs Dick 'Her Moves are Too Familiar, Maybe Ladybug uses her as a Body Double and trains her?' as the first Suspicion Arisen among the Bats.

#maribat #daminette idea au #miraculous team and batboys #my writing #my writings #how do you tag #long post

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rebelwith0utacause · 4 years ago

Note

re: triggers. I don’t think most people expect to live in a bubble but instead to curate a space on here. If people do tag triggers, they know it’s at least a bit safer for them to follow that blog. For me, it’s really dependent on the day, some days it’s an uncomfortable thing to look at triggers but other days it’s the difference between a panic attack. I’ve always viewed them as a courtesy, regardless of effectivity, the time used to tag is negligible to me but invaluable for someone else

I’m adding everything below the line because I think some people aren’t ready to read this but also don’t want to add tws because there are others who need to have the option to see it.

So I read your ask and decided to take a shower and get my thoughts somewhat together in order to get the best response out. Instead, my mind went a mile a minute in all directions, but that’s nothing new.

Let me preface this by saying I understand that not every trauma is the same, same as how not every person reacts or copes with trauma the same. This isn’t me trying to say that not everyone’s struggle isn’t valid, it’s just my way of reaching out, giving a helping hand and a bit of food for thought for coping.

I keep saying I was raised differently because it’s the truth, might be European but I definitely don’t share the same values as most Europeans (or the image the world has about Europe, which is basically the UK and France). Here things are done differently, tws are almost nonexistent, to an extent you’re considered a lesser human being if you have (so many) triggers, and I’m not saying that this is good. Compassion is rare and understanding even rarer, more often than not, we’re left to our own devices and we can either sink or swim.

But then you have western civilization that comes labeled and prepackaged, where everything is written in fine print, everything is valid, everything is marketed so well that you have no other choice but to believe the seller. I’ve also had the opportunity to experience this, so I know a fair share of how this machinery works too.

I’m always trying to find a balance between the two, because it’s not the Dark Ages, but life also isn’t meant to be so sterile (or portrayed as sterile but I’ll get to that later). And this is where trigger warnings come into play.

We’ve all experienced trauma, either small or big. I won’t bore you with mine, but I can tell you that I’m not immune to triggers. It’s true that I seemingly don’t have them, and if you asked me a couple of hours ago I would’ve said that I don’t have them at all, but upon reflection, mine are just emotional and circumstantial. I don’t get a panic attack from words or images, but I might spiral down from a feeling that a situation might cause (like, say, a sudden right turn in a vehicle or as was the case a few days ago, feeling like my support system is being dismantled, I like my balance, alright?). These are all things I can’t help but fear, but I can learn to cope with them and lessen my reaction to them over time.

But enough about me, the whole reason I started questioning the tws in the first place was because of the overwhelming reaction people on the internet had of the prospect of Ashton’s video/song coming out. I’m talking people literally screaming ‘NO’ but also not wanting to be left out. And this makes me so sad, not because of Ashton or because his work might flop, but because they are missing the whole point of his song. Yes, it’s definitely his way of coping (I don’t buy that bs that it’s only about Harry, like... entering the industry at the fragile age of 18 can cause all sorts of trauma), but it’s also his way of helping other people cope, telling them that their struggle is valid but it can get better if you only allow yourself to get better. By putting a tw on it, it’s not reaching the people it’s supposed to reach, but also, the prospect of knowing that there’s a song about BD but not really hearing it is only leading your brain into thinking about BD, but without the educational guidance the song would provide. I hope I’m making sense here, like you’ll just overthink and reopen old wounds, which will lead you to feel worse about yourself. You can’t unlearn this information, same as how you can’t put a tw on the news that Ashton is releasing a new song.

I made the parallel between the civilizations because my brain went on a different tangent that may or may not be related to coping mechanisms. Whenever I’m made aware of the difference between both worlds I can’t help but think of The Time Machine by H. G. Wells. Definitely a good read (if you haven’t read it already), but my focus was on the Eloi as a concept. It’s alarming how it translates to modern-day society. For reference, the Eloi were descendants of humans, a species that evolved from (what I gathered as) first-world society, and to fit my narrative, I’m gonna say Western civilization. They had access to everything because of their wealth, from education to food to leisure activities, but they always chose the shorter path or should I say the easier path. They chose to be sheltered from the growingly disproportionate world around them, to the point where they were living under the illusion that everything is alright and they could roam free as long as the sun was shining. They were also scared shitless of the dark because that’s when the Morlocks came out of their tunnels and preyed upon them. Morlocks were another descendant of humans, evolving from the working class and the poor which were pushed to live in the tunnels to cater to the needs of the Eloi.

Now take my short recap as the Eloi being people with trauma and the Morlocks being the trauma itself. Is living in constant fear of the dark really what you want? Or is that something society tells you is okay because there’s nothing you can do about it, so you should stay that way? And what exactly does society get out of telling you that trauma is irreparable?

This is what I meant by the world being portrayed as too sterile. It just can’t be, we’re not the ones who decide what’s gonna happen, so we shouldn’t be disillusioned that it’s up to us. Tws are there to help you in the moment, but they aren’t a coping mechanism. They’re just a veil we put over things to make them look blurry and to give them a less scary filter so that we can forget they exist.

And this is what I meant when I said that not every trauma is the same. It comes in different degrees, but it also comes from different irritants. Not everything is because the world was mean to us, sometimes we were mean to ourselves, and we need to learn to love ourselves in order to cope. This is where, in my opinion, tws are counterproductive. Turning a blind eye on what we do to ourselves and romanticizing trauma and martyrdom is only gonna make it worse.

Before people say I’ve gone crazy in saying this, let me just remind you that I lived through emo szn (I only caught the ends of it, it was mostly the era of ppl born in the late 80s) where self-harm was the norm and trendy and as a person with too many issues with the image of me in my head, I found it appalling that people thought that having scars was helping them. Like... reading fanfics back then, they were FILLED with mentions of self-harm. Say what you will but pop-punk/emo as a genre helped kids feel more understood, but it also popularised physical pain as a way of dealing with trauma, no matter the degree or the outcome.

There’s a prevalent theme in every generation, I think there might be a science behind it all, but it’s almost like there’s depression lurking in the background, but there’s a trend every 5-10 years or so in how we choose to manifest it; self-harm, EDs, drugs, alcohol, adrenaline, violence. Understanding this might help us understand that there’s a root to our trauma, and if we manage to kill it off, we might defeat it. But by adding tws, we’ll never get to this conclusion. We’ll just let society run us over and let us feel like shit.

Did any of this make any sense? Probably not. I’ve been writing this for a few hours now.

My main advice is to get to know ourselves, to learn what really makes us tick. Introspection can help in finding out which trauma we can deal with, and which one needs to be left on the back burner for a bit. The lesser ones we can cope with one step at a time, until we’re out of the prangs of fear, and we can look back and say “I used to be scared of you, but I no longer am. You hurt me, but you no longer do.”

Please think twice before relying on a tw.

As for my blog, I don’t think I’ll tag too many tws, not because I don’t care about your wellbeing, but because I am not an organized person no matter how much I try to be. I also try to steer clear from things that might generally be considered triggering, but you’ll have to believe in my judgment of what’s acceptable or not. If that’s not something you can do, I totally understand if you unfollow me.

Last piece of advice coming from a person that was just another cog in the marketing industry: Don’t fall for everything that’s been sold to you. You don’t have to do anything online. Something you saw on a blog makes you feel bad? Unfollow it. An event you read about in the news is triggering? Shut your computer down. A social media platform is making you feel like shit because the users are shit? Deactivate asap. Remember that information comes to you in binary code, and at the end of the day, that’s how you should treat everything that you consume online, even tho I might be a person on my side of the screen. Life is much more spicier and colorful when you’re out there in the real world, don’t let the overload of information coming from the virtual world stop you from feeling alive.

#sorry this is so long #i just realized that i braindumped a lot on this ask #don't know if it even makes sense now but at least you'll get to know me a bit more lol #have yourself a great day/night wherever you are #user in incognito mode #asks

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killinglonliness · 5 years ago

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I’M COMING OUT! (Kind of)

Hi there! I know many of you are not interested in my personal life as I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but today I wanted to write something extremly personal that I really needed to get out of my chest.

YES, I’m coming out of the closet.

BUT, not in the way many do.

ALSO, I’m not sure it counts as “coming out“.

I created this tumblr account to write my thoughts on sexuality (First MY sexuality, and second what I think about some aspects of sexuality itself), without letting my family or friends know about it.

I know many of you will say that I should do it, but here is where I may be a bit controversial about the “coming out” part. Prepare for it: I DON’T LIKE LABELS.

I fully support the LGBT+ community and I don’t think anyone is wrong. It just doesn’t work for me. And how I came to that conclusion?

All my life I’ve been living whitout caring much about my sexuality in terms of labels. My family is religious, firmly catholic, and I AM too. But they never pressured me to be “girly” or to “have a boyfriend”. My next door neighbours were a GAY COUPLE, AND I KNEW IT. My mom never said anything about them, neither did my dad.

They taught me to respect the others, and even though they didn’t fully agree with gay couples, they never hated on them. So, as a little kid I was pretty much ok with my neighbours being gay. ALSO they were extremly handsome (haha sorry). One was a pilot and the other a doctor.

Now that I think about them, they were the perfect example of an ‘accepted by their families’ couple. As they had family parties every now and then, and I never saw or heard a commotion of some sorts. So, yeah, I knew the concept of being gay, but no one told me with the specific word that my neighbours were gay, nor did they told me it was wrong.

So, cool. Romantic love is not only for heterosexual couples. Love has no limits. I understood it early in life and I never questioned it, not even when I fulfilled my duties as a catholic. I knew not all of it could be right or wrong, true or false.

ABOUT ME. Well, as I said, I was born in a catholic family, with ancestries that defied the same religion they believed in, not because religion itself, but because of the institution it was ruled by. Also, I have a direct gay ancestry and it was never hidden to me, and he was loved by his family until he died, even if it was somehow taboo.

When I was a kid I felt attracted mostly to males, in high school it was the first time I felt attracted to females. And nowadays I have no romantic interests hahaha even if I do feel quite lonely.

AND getting to the point I was trying to get at. I don’t entirely identify as Gay, Bisexual or Demisexual, wich are the ones I relate the most to. I DON’T LIKE describing myself as any of those as I don’t like describing myself as heterosexual.

I was never questioned, I expressed my support for the LGBT+ community even against my parents, but I also didn’t talk about it much. Maybe because I’m socially awkard, an introvert and mostly quiet. I won’t feel offended if someone asks me “Are you part of the LGBT+ community?” but also I would likely answer NO.

I don’t feel the need to be part of it to be myself. I’m comfy with who I am, and if in the near future I want to declare to someone, anyone, I will.

BUT, early this week I felt concious.

The last year I joked with my auntie when I saw a pair of trainers with a rainbow pattern and told her “Hey look! To support the LGBT+ community!”. And my aunt laughed, I laughed, we weren’t going to buy it, and I kinda liked them, but hey! I don’t have the money!

The past month my auntie bought a T-shirt with a rainbow pattern, and she gave it to me because it didn’t fit her and was a bit too tight. I liked it but never got to use it... ‘till monday. And I had to take my dog for a walk. Out there with the rainbow fully exposed. I didn’t feel weird at all... untill I found a friend (ok, I kinda like him) and his mother walking with their dogs... and they eyed me “funny” (mostly his mother), but greeted me as usual. We’ve known each other since I was 6 and him 4, but never been that close.

Maybe I’m overthinking but after that I became a bit concious and noticed other people looking at me like that. I’m not against the pride flag, but am I going to be labeled as ‘gay’ just from a rainbow?. I don’t know... I didn’t like the look. but I like the shirt. Man I feel conflicted. I don’t like to be judged ‘cause I don’t judge.

I know we’re not there, yet. But for me it’s as obvious as laws of nature. Why others can’t understand and accept what is different. And, I don’t know maybe I’m the wrong one and I shouldn’t be reacting when labeld as gay because partialy I am, but I don’t feel the necesity to say so, because it will only matter when I’m with my significant other.

Yeah, I’m Bi, I’m Demi, who knows? I’m a woman, I’m 26 now (If you’re reading this on July 2nd, 2020), and the only insecurities I have are from being obese.

:D PLEASE, feel free to comment, and help me get through this blog writing my thoughts on sexuality. Say if you agree or not, ask me anything! I’d love to talk to someone about this, and see if anyone feels like me. If you made it this far, thank you for reading!!

#Sexuality #coming out #something like that #my thoughts #LGBT+

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unsurvivor · 5 years ago

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Rules

Feel free to focus on bolded sections to skim for the subject of every bullet point. I’m way too wordy, but I just want to be informative. I’m not actually very strict or demanding!

How I Play:

I am semi-private and semi-selective. What this means is that mutuals (meaning people who follow me and I follow back) are free to interact with me IC in asks or by tagging me in posts or by responding to my starters, and they are also free to DM me or send me any kind of ask OOC or tag me in posts they relate to me (so unless there’s some loophole I’m not thinking of, it’s basically ‘anything goes’ with mutuals). Plotting is cool; talking about things other than RP is also probably cool (though I can be a little shy with new people sometimes, forgive me). People who I do not follow back (aka non-mutuals) are still totally free to follow me. They can send in asks about/to my muse either IC or OOC or ask about my thoughts on YTTD-topics, but I am probably uncomfortable speaking OOC in DMs about RP or doing any kind of plotting. Non-mutuals can also send in starter memes, but they would be one-off types of interactions (meaning no growing relationship) and might not be continued very far in a thread. Feel free to message me with questions if this description isn’t making sense to you.

I may not follow back for myriad reasons all regarding my personal preferences (characterization choices, writing style/ability, frustrating blog layout, missing rules/info, etc). Please do not take this personally. If this happens, you are still welcome to initiate interaction with me in any way, IC or OOC! Also, if I do follow back, I definitely want to RP with you!

I will likely unfollow and decline to interact if you have too much OOC drama / anti behavior / fandom hate / bullying / callouts / discourse / politics / worldview on your blog. Huge pet peeves of mine. I repeat, I do not support callout culture.

I am open to the possibility of interacting with duplicates of my muse. I will automatically assume one of them is an AI or doll, but whatever the case, we should probably talk about how to go about this.

I am up-to-date on the game. This blog is not spoiler free. That being said, it might be wise to communicate when in the timeline our muses are interacting.

I have depression as well as performance/social anxiety. My moods and levels of inspiration/motivation vary widely. I know that is inconvenient, sorry! So in general, I don’t push myself to be prolific, and can drop threads or be slow at responding.

I may drop a thread due to general anxiety (not necessarily related to the thread), lack of ideas, or loss of inspiration, my deepest apologies. Don’t feel bad and DO feel free to continue interactions with my muse in the future!

I operate my muse based on what I feel is in his character to do at that moment. Sometimes that makes planning difficult, because he may not respond to a circumstance in a way I anticipated. Sorry if things do not go as planned. But I do also love plotting and overthinking things, hah.

I am willing to play dark scenes including gore/violence, angst, horror, abuse, torture, my character’s death, etc., and there will be disturbing or mature content like that on this blog. I’m new to this fandom, so I’m not exactly sure how much content warning tags are really necessary, considering I presume everybody played this brutal game. However, any content warnings I decide to give will be noted with the tag “cw:” followed by the label.

I am open to the possibility of shipping everybody from high school and up. If you disagree with or object to this decision, please just unfollow/block/move on. I’m too tired.

I choose to write sexual scenes. I reserve the right to portray anything from healthy, fluffy relationships/scenes to dark, toxic, or abusive relationships/scenes. I don’t condone abuse or toxicity in real life. I respect the grave nature of such behaviors, but that will not prevent me from writing said subjects with this understanding of reality in mind. However, I respect those who do not want to see or roleplay sex, will never push said people to do so, and will keep explicit sexual content under a ‘read more’, tagged “smut”. I expect to be treated with similar respect for my choice in written subject matter.

I only roleplay smut with muns who are above the age of consent. I am uncomfortable doing so with underage individuals, so please do not attempt if you are under age 18.

What I Appreciate:

Let me know if something I’m doing in a thread with you is making you uncomfortable. I myself am comfortable with exploring some very dark themes. I will do my part to check your blog rules, and I apologize if I am ever forgetful about anything mentioned.

Please try to refrain from controlling my muse’s thoughts and actions (unless that is actually within the capabilities of your muse; ask me).

Please try to remember to start a new post instead of reblogging an ask post over and over.

I would be so grateful if multimuse blogs could tag the muse they are using in their posts. This helps me filter out the inevitable multitude posts on my dash that will not be relevant to my muse or even fandom and keeps it from becoming absolute chaos. Obviously it’s your blog, and I’m not here to tell you what to do, but this prevention of inconvenience will make me somewhat more likely to follow you.

Please do not steal my original (detailed) headcanons or icons or use images in posts tagged “My Edits” without my permission. If you’re not sure, ask me; I promise I won’t bite for such a question.

What Is Acceptable:

Mutuals always feel free to send me an ask, IM, or communicate in our RP thread if you have something to say or ask. Or if you just have a random comment! Seriously, anything.

Non-mutuals, honestly, if you’re not sure whether or not it is acceptable to interact with me in a certain way, and you try to interact with good or neutral intentions, I’m not going to be hostile or scary. If I’m not interested, I might not respond due to social awkwardness. Know that if this happens, I don’t want you to have hurt feelings; I appreciate your willingness to have wanted to interact with me.

It never hurts to follow me to see if I am interested in following back! At the very least, I am flattered for being considered.

If it seems like I’ve forgotten about a thread or neglected to respond and you really want to continue it, feel free to message me to remind/ask about it.

Let me know if there is something you want tagged, and I will try to accommodate with what I see as reasonable.

I am 100% cool with us engaging in more than one thread at once. Do it!

All starter/ask memes/prompts on my blog are open all the time, no matter how old. Feel free to browse the tag and send in something you like! I would only request that you try to include the title of the post/collection in your ask so I can find it more easily.

I accept some OCs and characters from other fandoms but can be picky about them. It would be nice to be able to find some background info on them on your blog. For characters from other fandoms, I will be much more likely to follow if they have a YTTD verse included in their description, but you can pitch me a different proposition if you have one. Try not to take it personally if it turns out I’m not interested in following.

I am sometimes okay with roleplaying total AUs (as in, a completely different setting), but it is not my default preference. The best way to go about seeing if I’m interested would probably be to message me.

As this is also just a general purpose Sou fan blog, all types of blogs (aside from spam/porn and antis) are free to follow, like my posts, and reblog non-RP-related posts.

Thanks a bunch for slogging through this!

#info #rules #OOC #long post

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