#Plateau-Phase

[rainyfestivalsweets]

10/22/24

Pep talk time for myself:

Now is the time. There is no better time than now to focus on yourself. Your goals. Your life. Get you shit together and attack every day like you mean it.

Make yourself some fun charts ✨️ to habituate studying practices. Stress relief. Healthy activity.

Get locked in to healthy study habits. Yes, it is hard. Yes, you have alot on your plate. But you can learn anything, especially if you focus.

Summer bodies are made in the winter. You could be 150 pounds and smoking hot next summer.

The question is- will you? Are you going to lock the fuck in and stop making excuses?

Stop making excuses to eat extra? Get more protein in? Get your miles in?

What do you want?

How bad do you want it?

YOU are the deciding factor in your life.

You. Your will. Your drive.

Be INDOMITABLE.

Now is the perfect time.

Cut the shit and get to business.

[honeymoonhospital]

Breakfast: half a joint I left in my windowsill?

Lunch: 1/2 cup of oatmeal (140)

Supper: more weed lol and a popsicle (45)

Total: 185

[knuppitalism-with-ue]

The last piece for Lemuria Phase I

The peaks of Lemuria during the Cretaceous were often snow covered but in the valleys and on the plateaus animal and plant life can thrive. Here the last Refugium of stegosaurs lies.

THE LAST STEGOSAUR was one of the points on our clade list for the phase. And subsequently we got a lot of submissions with suggestions on who this species should look and where it should live. Unfortunately non of the submissions satisfied me completely, but many elements presented I liked a lot. So relatively early on I decided to turn this into a waste basket taxon. I chose 8 of my favarite designs and took parts of and puzzled them into a new genus that was named, on stream: Deimaximerror.

On Lemuria

Lemuria is a new spec evo project for and by the #paleostream community. Like the Atlantis project beforehand it deals with a fictional piece of land in 3 phases. Lemuria is an already existent concept that was invented before the recognition of plate tectonics to explain certain distribution patterns of animals and plants. In our case Lemuria is a continent consisting of India and Madagascar. We speculate how animals and plants would evolve if these two would never separate. This has MANY consequences. And the further we progress through time the more natural history will change. Phase one deals with the Cretaceous, when things are still rather "normal".

[thetroupemaster]

I do love the evil Suns AUs, I truly do, but I do think canonical Seven Red Suns deserves love too.

Five Pebbles is a mentally unstable iterator and has been for a long time, this is established multiple times. Suns became his mentor because they wanted to make progress on this sort of mentality, and defends him when Sig points it out, mentioning how they were helping him get better.

Suns is so deeply caring, and the reason they even became Pebbles' mentor was to try to help him, try to coax him out of his shell and assist him in refining his theories. They're research partners and friends, because Suns saw someone in need of just that, and knew they could help.

And, it's very likely Suns doesn't even realize how badly the "bug in a maze" comment hurt him, as it's common for friends to say something and for it to accidentally hurt when they meant it to help, and Pebbles is already a defensive iterator who wouldn't confide that "this comment hurt me". They just had no means of knowing how much it hurt him, up until he lashed out at perceived pity when all they wanted was to gently calm him down.

They also saw he was miserable, and honestly was making no progress (Sig cites that he's plateaued at his angsty phase) and then, and only then, offers what they hope would help make their beloved friend happy. They include specific instructions on how to perform the experiment safely and slowly, and the main reason it fails is because, not due to Moon's interruption, not due to faulty information, but because Pebbles rushed into it far too fast.

And Suns laments about how they shouldn't have given their, again, very mentally unstable iterator friend the plans, because hindsight is perfect and they only then realized how he would have rushed it and hurt himself, and Moon, in the process.

Plus, they adore their weird purple dog, getting attached when they knew they shouldn't, making a messenger they know can return.

Seven Red Suns is a character defined by caring too much in an uncaring world, wanting their friends to be happy and sheer misfortune following them. They are a tragedy because of their love, and that's something fascinating.

And also they've got these vibes.

[afyrian]

phase two and a half - stay the night.. or don’t m.list

    staring at kuroo's eyebrow, your tongue sticks out slightly, hands trembling. a butterfly stitch's edges press against your thumbs, index fingers pinching them in place. taking in a deep breath, you rest the sticky residue against his skin, pushing the cut together as you do so. squinting your eyes, you can see that the cut is going to do as well as it can with what little expertise you have.

  "you’re so lucky you’re not seriously hurt, or dead-”

  “i’m okay, y/n, really,” his hand grips the edge of the bathroom counter, the sterile smell of peroxide in the sink. 

  his other hand rests on an pack of frozen peas that are pressing against your ribs, your knee pushing against the counter. you’re leaning forward heavily, trying to take a cotton ball and clean the few cuts on his chin. he leans forward as well, hand bumping into an old coffee mug you use to hold your toothbrush.

  dabbing the peroxide covered cotton ball, you try to focus on carefully pressing through his five o’clock shadow. you’ve been telling him to shave for days, apollo blessing you with the worst form of foreshadowing. and yet he never listens, the short hairs slightly ripping the cotton.

  kuroo purses his lips, his eyes searching your face for some other indication than ‘you’re angry’. instead all he can see is a soft scowl forming from your eyes to your lips. “y/n..” his voice is quiet, your eyes peeling themselves from his chin, meeting his own gaze, “really, i’m sorry. i’m just glad you’re okay too.”

  he lifts his hand from the counter, raising it up to grab at your hand holding the cotton ball. his hand is gentle as he brings your attention away from your anger. bringing it away from the wounds that cover him. finally yours eyes stay on his and he can breathe out a sigh of relief when you give him a soft smile. 

  “never do that again, okay?” you finally say, hand quickly moving from his, setting down the cotton ball that has red splotches bleeding into the peroxide. 

  kuroo gives you a toothy smile that anyone could indulge in. however, he can still feel the pain of the cuts and scrapes on his upper body. the way they moves as his mouth opens into a wide smile, or how the cut by his eyebrow moves when his eyes crinkle. wincing, he hops down from the bathroom counter, his ankle still sore, “i should head back to my dorm tonight…”

  “really ‘suro? it’s nearly two, you can’t be walking around like that,” you take in a breath, feeling your side hurting again, your adrenaline plateauing. 

  “i really should, you know? i have that test tomorrow.”

  “stay the night, please,” you stand by the bathroom door, shoulders dropping as soon as you realize the dangers that linger outside.

  placating your fears, kuroo nods, neck still stiff from a punch that knocked him too far back. he nods, and yet when you awake in the morning, he won’t be there. a note will be written in sloppy handwriting, apologizing for not being there to buy you coffee. and you’ll sit on the couch wondering if he just waited til you fell asleep and finally found peace for the evening.

a/n: yeah he thought about getting you coffee in the middle of the night but didn’t want to wake you taglist (open): @eggyrocks @causenessus @applepi25 @unhelpfulnpc @phoenix-eclipses

@iiwaijime @cupidsblonde @yogurtkags @s1ckntw1st3d @mfcherry

@just-coreee @cherrypieyourface @csbnova @keeboismine

[nocturnowlette]

I think I'm entering an interesting phase of my hypnosis learning. I've hit the point where I'm plateauing from a personal and experimental perspective and have formed my own specific base of understanding that seems reliably and replicably true.

So, for the first time, I'm going to start truly digging into studies, structured findings, and more reliable and well explored sections of psychology as a whole to supplement and give new directions to my understanding.

In my opinion, this is the best way to gain a true applicable and practical knowledge of a subject. Learn on your own to build a fundamental and intuitive lens of said subject, and only then do you filter through established knowledge so you know what to absorb, what to take in partially, and most importantly, what to reject.

It's too easy to accept things as gospel if you have no experience with something, and its far too easy to forget that the people who write books and even study subjects are just as prone to minor mistakes in not just information gathering but communication, which can turn into a slight error or bad phrasing that will permanently taint your understanding in a way you might never realize.

Regardless, I'll likely talk about my findings as they come about here. I hope you all will enjoy.

[adelarsims]

Embers Academy Spellcasting Tournament: Potions (Group 3)

potion challenge group 1, group 2

rules:

everyone’s needs are locked. i don’t want anyone to be at a disadvantage because they got stuck in simulation lag or spent all their time in bathroom line with other 31 people

they have 12 hours to learn 3 potions through practice. for each potion learned they get 24 points, plus 1 point for each full half an hour left after the last learned potion

autonomy is off, but if someone decides to leave their cauldron for whatever reason, i let them finish that action that distracted them before returning them to the task. their fault if they’re easily distracted, a spellcaster must have patience and grit

the third group: Belial Rose, Yolanda Bazin, Zinnia Rosier, Rochelle Weaver, Tiger Rain, Minerva Mystic, Constance Gravemore, Natalia Keraloms

everyone already started, but tiger decided to contemplate an empty cauldron for another hour. she still caught up and did very good in the end with the help of her emotional support dragon

baby belial was the first in her class to score points, she learned two potions back to back on the first hour, and then it took her 11 long hours to learn the third one. she even went to play some ping pong too, but got a grip after that and learned the last potion on the last minute

that's our little stress corner. constance and minerva side by side (or, rather, butt by butt) doing their best and thinking that they're not doing enough

meanwhile yolanda is mad at her potion and thinks that she can intimidate it into learning itself by staring at it angrily

and this is our no stress corner. zinnia is smiling and looking so innocent; smile all you want zinnia, i remember your shady schemes from the previous post!

rochelle is relaxed, not bothered by the grades at all, just doing what she can without beating herself up over it, and maybe even hums some melody under her breath

natalia got put back in her student phase with no magic rank and no perks. nooo, not a few more years of university again! she's still incredible in potions though. you can take all perks from the talented alchemist, but you can't take their love for potions

results:

belial, natalia and tiger - learned three potions each. great work, girls! so proud of belial who pulled herself together after 11 hours plateau, i know how hard it is.

minerva, constance, zinnia, rochelle, and yolanda - learned two potions each, some through stress, some by working at their comfortable pace (and a comfortable thought that if the magic thing won't work out, they also have a shady business, i'm not pointing a finger at anyone specific)

no one learned only one potion or nothing at all! as a whole, this group is the most accomplished :)

---

@rainmustfallts4 @lessathxhi @honeysylvan @vampirictrait @piupiowa @eldritch-simmer @merofthefae @mokoszkokosz

[catboysolas]

the thing is by the end of community. (and this may be an evil post but bear with me.) by the end of the show jeff has undergone an ego death so profound he's like the sam winchester/sookie stackhouse/archie andrews protagonists of the world: a figure so lonely and incapable of actually having a functioning relationship with any of the previously established romantic options in his orbit that he is DESTINED to either a) die alone or b) get paired off with some faceless blurrywife to make the audience feel less bummed out. he'll never be able to repair any of his other relationships. the Jeff Winger of the pilot, a man at his lowest but at the beginning of a grand journey to return to his peak, is actually at a plateau he can never get over.

meanwhile, the dean, ridiculed for years as a weird little pervert, finally ends up on the same playing field as the very friend group he idolized and idealized. the power difference between him and "the study group," insofar as they can be referred to as such, is minimal to non-existent. he's respected, somewhat, but at the very least isn't desperate for that affection. he's still horny about it, but only because he is a weird little pervert—he wants, he just doesn't need. he too has entered his plateau phase.

[kaye-go-moo]

Shapes and Strange Ciphers AU: Need a hand? Pt. 1

SaSC by me

Shapes and Pines by @/void-dude

Next Part

Bill and Ford

While exploring one of Gravity Falls’ caves, Bill stumbled upon a wall covered in ancient text. Bill recorded his findings and translated the writing to reveal an incantation to summon an oval-shaped entity. Bill hesitated to try the summoning but felt he couldn't miss the opportunity to push past his plateau and continue his research. So he read the incantation aloud.

Later that day, Bill experienced an extraordinary dream. While floating through an infinite cosmos filled with books and scrolls, Bill was greeted by the creature pictured on the cave walls. A yellow, oval-shaped being with one eye and glasses at its center–part of its form appeared chipped away. The entity, underwhelmingly named Stanford, told Bill that he was there to help expand his research by acting as a ‘mentor’.

-

Bill, though wary in the beginning, grew to trust his new friend. Ford shared his knowledge of Bill's world and the oddities that resided in it–though never enough to satisfy the man. He would always leave Bill with a tease of new information, promising to teach him more later on. Like a fishing lure, Ford would use his extensive knowledge to reel Bill in and keep him close.

Ford also fed into Bill's narcissism, telling him that he was special and different from those who had summoned Ford in the past. This gave Bill the love and attention he so desperately craved, inflating his ego just enough to keep him happy and obedient. Before long, Bill was completely wrapped around Ford's finger, hanging on his mentor's every word, utterly infatuated. Ford believed Bill was ready for the next phase of his plan, but he had to be sure.

To test Bill’s commitment, Ford asked Bill to remove his lazy eye, reasoning that it was only holding him back and that doing so would prove Bill was serious about expanding his knowledge. Bill's lazy eye–something he was teased for while growing up, but also something that he and Tad had bonded over–was an innate part of his identity. But Bill didn't hesitate.

-

A few months later, Ford revealed that it was nearly time for him to leave, explaining to Bill that he didn't have anything else to teach him, and soon there would be no point in staying. Bill was caught off guard and desperate to keep his Mentor close. He frantically searched for an excuse to have Ford stay, telling him that he still has so much more to learn, not just about his world, but about Ford’s too. Bill’s desperation grew, overtaking his mind in hopeless pleas. Don’t leave me. Please. Please don’t leave me alone. Not again.

Seeing Bill's anguish over his leaving, Ford relented before offering a solution. He explained that it wouldn’t matter if he talked about the makings of his world because Bill couldn’t experience it for himself–unless he could. Ford admitted to knowing a way for Bill to explore not just Ford’s world, but countless others, hinting that he could also continue as Bill’s mentor–if Bill was fully prepared to expand his research. Bill jumped at the opportunity, swearing that he was ready. Ford revealed his plan: Bill needed to create a portal that would open a gateway to other worlds, allowing him to explore beyond the limits of his dimension.

Bill was eager to create the portal, especially since he could work on calculations with Ford. However, they still needed to gather materials and build the machine. After realizing that it would take far too long to do on his own, Bill called his old college friends–some lent him supplies, while others traveled to Gravity Falls to help him build. But Ford was not happy. He chose Bill to do the work, not his bumbling group of ‘friends’ with their useless degrees. What infuriated him the most wasn’t that Bill had gone over his head, but that he was right–things were progressing much faster with their help. But this didn’t matter to Ford. He already knew the sting of trusting the wrong person, so he wanted them gone.

Ford couldn’t outright tell Bill to kick his friend out, so he restored to planting subtle doubts in Bill's mind, suggesting that his friends might sabotage their work. Bill, initially confused, tried to reassure Ford that there was nothing to worry about. However, Ford persisted, slowly dripping poison into Bill’s mind. Slowly, Bill began to believe him. He started double-checking his friends’ work, scrutinizing the materials they brought, and analyzing their actions. Ford's words gnawed at Bill until he was on the brink of sending away his friends. It was only after Ford confided in Bill, sharing how trusting the wrong person had cost him everything, that Bill was fully convinced.

One by one, Bill began dismissing his friends with various excuses, though it was clear that he simply didn't want them around anymore. Over time, they watched Bill twist into someone they barely recognized–cold and distant, treating them less like friends and more like subordinates. Some tried convincing Bill to let them stay, but he wouldn't budge. He told them they were no longer needed and that he couldn’t risk their shoddy work jeopardizing his project. In the end, Bill all but called them stupid before severing ties and destroying his friendships.  

However, one friend, Jheselbraum, stayed behind. She sensed something was off and wanted to keep an eye on Bill, making sure he was safe. Jheselbraum would stop by Bill's home to check on him and hang out, and while he enjoyed her visits, Ford would always convince him to send her away. Eventually, Bill banned her from coming over, insisting he needed to focus on finishing his project and couldn’t afford any distractions. But Jheselbraum persisted, calling daily to check on Bill until she finally convinced him to let her at least drop off food.

Every time she visited, Bill was either locked away in the basement or gone from the house entirely. On the rare occasions she saw him, Jheselbraum noticed how worn down he looked–becoming more decrepit with each passing day. She tried talking to him, but he either ignored her or brushed her off, insisting he was fine and too busy with his project to worry about his appearance. The more she tried reaching out to help him, the further away he felt, like an ever-widening chasm. She could scream and still, he wouldn’t hear her, her voice swallowed by the void between them. Even when standing in the same room, Jheselbraum couldn’t help but feel they were miles apart, and it frustrated her.

It wasn’t long before Jheselbraum reached her breaking point. One day, she noticed a trail of blood leading to the basement and found Bill crumpled on the floor. She managed to get him out of the basement and into her car, wanting to take him to the hospital. But during the drive, Bill woke up and demanded she take him back home. He insisted he was fine and that a hospital visit would only waste more of his time. Jheselbraum tried reasoning with him but Bill rolled his eyes and muttered, “I knew you’d get in the way.”

Jheselbraum went silent, and her grip tightened on the steering wheel. She turned the car around, helped Bill back into his house, and placed him in a chair. She patched up his wound in continued silence. When she finished, she stood up, looked Bill in the eye, and told him that she was done. She wouldn’t be dropping off food or visiting anymore. She was through with him. However, Jheselbraum couldn’t bring herself to leave Gravity Falls completely. She was angry, but a feeling in her gut wouldn’t allow her to leave. Something was wrong. Though she couldn’t pinpoint what, she knew she had to stay–lingering around places she thought Bill might go, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Her actions more akin to monitoring a suspicious than simply looking out for old friend.

-

Now that Bill was alone, Ford concentrated his manipulation into pushing Bill further into isolation. He used Jheselbraum's leaving as proof that Bill couldn’t trust anyone–except for Ford. Yet, Bill began second guessing himself, more importantly, Bill geban second guessing Ford.

Bill tried his best to remain focused on building the portal, but doubt gnawed at the edges of his mind, festering until he couldn’t ignore it any longer. What exactly was Ford planning to do with the portal? Bill hated the thought–hated that he was question his mentor–but he couldn’t help it.

As soon as this doubt bubbled to the surface of Bills mind, Ford new instantly. Ford attempted to reassure bill, emphasizing that the portal was more beneficial for him than it was for Ford, stressing that his only concern was Bills success. However, this reassurance didn’t fully take hold, and Ford knew it.

Bill continued to build the portal, doubt still lingering in his mind. He didn't want to believe that his mentor had ulterior motives. Desperately, he clung to their friendship like a life raft in a vast, empty sea–though one of his own making. He wanted to believe Ford, to trust that their partnership was genuine. But as time passed, his doubts only deepened, and he bagan to long for his old friends.

Before Bill could act on his feelings, Ford intervened with further manipulation, choosing to have a ‘heart-to-heart’. He reminded Bill of their previous conversation about how trusting the wrong person had cost Ford everything. This time, he revealed that it was his brother who he had misplaced his trust in, leading to the loss of his family and his dimension–everything. Ford claimed that his journey for knowledge was meant to help others, serving as a way to overcome his past.

Ford also admitted that he had lied to Bill in the past, but not out of malice. He confessed that he was ashamed of his limited understanding of Bill’s dimension. Having always prided himself on his vast wealth of knowledge, Ford felt inadequate and uncertain about to teaching Bill. He explained that he feared Bill would take advantage of his naivety–just like his brother had. However, over the course of their partnership, Ford had come to genuinely trust Bill and was happy to call him a true friend.

Moved by Ford’s supposed vulnerability, Bill apologized to for doubting him, realizing that he had been wrong. Ford’s manipulation had work. Sensing the shift in Bills mind, Ford seized the moment to reveal a new ability: the power to control someone's body through their mind. He asked if he could try it on Bill. More trusting of his mentor than ever before, Bill admently agreed.

-

Weeks passed, Bill and Ford settled into a routine. When Bill was awake, he worked on the portal. But when he was asleep, Ford took control of his body and did the work to keep Bill alive–ensuring he ate, drank, and rested. Of course, Ford would also work on little side projects. Using the schematics of a former interdimensional follower, he created a tool that could erase memories, hiding it from Bill. Ford knew it was only a matter of time before one of Bill's pests would try to interfere, and he wanted to be prepared. It didn’t take long before he was proven right.

_____

Lore Comment

[whencyclopedia]

Ajanta

Approximately 67 miles (107 km) to the north of Aurangabad in the Indhyadri range of Western Ghats lie the caves of Ajanta. The 30 caves, famous for their early Buddhist temple architecture and many delicately drawn murals, are located in a 76 m high, horseshoe-shaped escarpment overlooking the Waghora (tiger) River. The river originates from a picturesque waterfall called sat kund (seven leaps) just off the last cave. It serves as a potent reminder of the natural forces that over untold eons have shaped the basaltic layers of the Deccan plateau. Also a part of the Gautala Wildlife Sanctuary, this primordial landscape provides a fitting background to one of the finest collections of paintings from India's antiquity.

Accorded UNESCO World Heritage site status in 1983 CE, the ancient name of the site is untraceable today. Its current name is derived from a neighbouring village, the local pronunciation of which is Ajintha. It would be of interest to note, that Ajita is the colloquial name of Maitreya Buddha.

Timeline & Patronage

The period of excavation (used as synonymous to the carving of the caves) can be divided into two broad phases. The earliest caves (Cave 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 15A), belonging to the Hinayana phase of Buddhism, can be roughly traced back to the 2nd century BCE, with its period of activity continuing to around the 1st century CE during the rule of Satavahana Dynasty (2nd century BCE – 2nd century CE). The later phase of activities, between 5th and 6th century CE, largely took place under the patronage of the Vakataka dynasts (3rd century – 5th century CE). The Vakatakas were contemporaries of the Gupta Empire. The greatest flourish of this phase took place during the brief but remarkable reign of the Vakataka Emperor, Harisena (460 CE - 477 CE). By then the “mythologising tendency of Indian thought” (Coomaraswamy) had already given birth to Mahayana Buddhism from more austere Hinayana practices.

The excavation and creation of the caves seem to have been a more community effort in the earlier phase. Group efforts contributed to the building of various parts of the caves, from the façades to single cells. Later, however, construction was marked by sponsorship from influential patrons and local feudatories. Inscriptions from Caves 4, 16, 17, 20, and 26 indicate that often multiple caves were constructed under the benefaction of one patron; examples would include local Risika king Upendragupta, Harisena's Prime Minister Varahadeva, and the Asmaka monk Buddhabhadra. Royal patronage did not, however, restrict its accessibility to an exclusive clique. Thus, despite being a Shaivaite emperor (at least at the time of accession to throne), Harisena presided over the execution of some of the finest depictions of Buddhist legends.

Continue reading...

[rainyfestivalsweets]

9/3/24

Alright. So.... for the hcg diet, I am not a big fan if the loading days. And when I was deep in my disorder, those days would stop everything because the loading days would never stop.

Because there was always a reason to eat. A justification.

I did have some things to enjoy yesterday- a nut roll, sushi 🍣, some halotop, skinny pop popcorn and a protein brownie.

So... here is what I am doing. I am planning on keeping it loose mentally because the "all or nothing" mentality does not work for me.

Here are the primary allowed foods for phase 2- basically meat & veggies. There are some other things but my plan is to keep everything as basic betty as possible.

I noticed turkey and salmon are not on the list, so as soon as I am done with what I have cooked, I will have to get something else. Which is a bit weird because I was trying to get super lean turkey.

The good news is this is a really easy eating plan and sticks to what I ultimately want to eat to live my life- meat and veggies. Low low upf.

[etz-ashashiyot]

On my journey from emotional abuse to healing, I've gone through many stages.

At first, immediately afterwards, I was shell-shocked, in that I was so totally numb to everything that I legit did not care whether I lived or died. I couldn't feel, I couldn't cry, I didn't smile when I laughed. I was strong, but a bit inhuman.

Then after that phase finally cracked, I became extremely vulnerable. I was terrified of speaking out about anything or having any opinions at all. I was hypervigilant and hypersensitive to literally any negative reaction from people and would shut down and start apologizing immediately.

As I got stronger, I would start to have more opinions, but I would obsessively research first to be sure and frame them in ways that were extremely difficult to argue with. If I couldn't do that? I would swallow it. I would feel anxiety surge any time anyone got even a little shitty with me, but over time, more and more, I would hold my own.

I plateaued at that phase for years.

And then this past year . . . . .

I have now been called every horrible thing I can think of. I've been told to kill myself more times than I can count. I've been told the Holocaust wasn't real but people wish it had happened and that I'd been there. I've been accused of everything from the vile to the patently absurd and impossible. I've been sent graphic images of violence and gore. I've been sent graphic descriptions of what people wish would happen to me. And that's just my inbox! I had former friends betray my trust and their values to side with terrorists who mass-murdered my people. I've had people gaslight me and my whole community about things I watched footage of in real time.

It's been a long year.

And over the course of it, I've tried very hard to hold on to who I am and my values. But I have felt myself become a lot more rough around the edges. I have become a lot more caustic and brash. Stronger? Yes. But at a price.

I think - I hope, though, that my next stage is totally unruffled. None of this shit matters. Our words are important, and at the same time, we are infinitesimally small specks in an infinite universe. We are born and dust before we know it.

And the more laid back I am, the better, kinder, and stronger I believe I will be.

[stonerbellybabe]

That post eggnog belly was looking big.

Usually, you always look so rounded that you could absolutely pass as pregnant, but this is the first time I’ve seen you with that overly full belly slope. It looks like you would have some actual belly hang if you were standing and it was big enough to be cradled in your lap for support. And that’s when you move into the next stage of your gain.

It’s not just a cute little potbelly anymore. It turns into a soft mass that gets heavy enough that it doesn’t defy gravity anymore, an ample belly that starts to drop from everything that you’ve put into it, a fat gut that starts to settle more and more every time you stuff it.

You’ve been saying a lot that you overdid it and that means you are pushing your stomach capacity every time. I think you are about to push right through your little gaining plateau you’ve had going on and we are going to see you blow up next year….can’t wait to see it.

You know, my boyfriend said something similar to me just last night about how he thinks I’m “getting to the next phase of fat girl”, and I see what he means. I’m not just getting bigger, I’m changing shape. I look heavy. The overall impression of me is just big and it drives me fucking wild .

[languagelearningcorner]

Language Learning Journey Update

It's been a while since I've been on Tumblr! In the months I've been away, I was focusing heavily on Persian and strengthening my skills in all areas of the language before I switch to a maintenance phase and pick up another language. During this time, I also got really into planning and journaling which has helped me better structure language learning in my schedule as well as reflect on how best to structure my time.

I certainly learned a lot from this time but the biggest takeaway for me is that my biggest pain point when learning a language is acquiring vocabulary. I tend to let it happen rather naturally (slowly) and while it's a valid method, it also leads me to stagnate and plateau. That's why, with the change in my language learning plans, I've also restructured my learning schedule (for, like, the millionth time).

Learning Two Languages Simultaneously

I was originally planning on (re)learning Korean after going through the intensive 3 months of Persian but recent developments in my professional life have pushed me to start learning Cantonese instead. My goal for Cantonese is mostly to reach a decent listening comprehension level and a basic speaking level.

Although I'm learning Cantonese from scratch, I feel that I still have a long way to go with Persian. I am not ready for a traditional maintenance phase, but I know I am close to burn out and have to dial it back. The schedule is structured around Persian and I fill the rest of the time I was using for Persian previously, for Cantonese.

ON/OFF Weeks System

This system was inspired by my need to find a different way to learn and focus on vocabulary while also avoiding burn out in Persian.

ON Weeks: These are weeks where I will be focusing on 1 skill in Persian in the mornings. For example, on Monday, I will be reading intensively (e.g., breaking down phrases, re-reading, translating, compiling vocabulary) for about 25 minutes. In the afternoons, I am working on getting exposure to Cantonese and learning the sound system.

OFF Weeks: These weeks involve only practicing the Persian vocabulary I accumulated during the ON weeks. I'll be re-reading them, defining or looking up words on Forvo, writing practice sentences, uploading them to HelloTalk, and correcting them. I also do some light, passive activities like listening while I clean something or reading for a few minutes without stopping to translate.

Off weeks don't really change much in the way of Cantonese. I will continue with my plan as is.

Maintenance languages: I do have to maintain French and Spanish, however, I am lucky that I interact with languages almost on a daily basis. When I foresee that a day may be void of one, I'll stack it with another hobby of mine (e.g., journaling in Spanish or reading in French).

An ON week coming up.

Tools pictured: Night owl by Owl Paper Co planner, Asvine P50 fountain pen, Tombow Fudenosuke hard tip brush pen, Zebra Mildliner highlighters

[ovaryacted]

Honestly, I’m just gonna call it a day and not write anything else. I’ve gone through 3 WIPs, yes 3, and literally nothing I type or put on paper is to my liking and I’m comparing myself to other writers. I know to enjoy myself during the process of writing and I do, but it’s another type of frustration when your thoughts aren’t being translated the way you want them to when you’re writing, you feel like a fucking idiot. This is a phase most writers go through, it happens and you just hit a plateau at times you can’t control. That doesn’t make it any less annoying or aggravating to deal with. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time focusing on writing in general or making my thoughts more cohesive, maybe I’m still tired. But I honestly want to read some fics and watch some movies cause at this rate I’m going to give myself a headache. My heart ain’t in it, my head ain’t in it, and I don’t like working that way.

I’ll try to finish something before I go on vacation, but right now nothing is working out and it’s genuinely pissing me off. I hate feeling like I’m forcing myself to write, cause every time I do that, I end up creating something I consider mediocre and I hate it even more. Oh well, toodles I suppose. If you see me reblogging some stuff, I’m just here for the vibes right now.

[etirabys]

I've spent the past several days in the kind of art hole where it's been hard to focus on my day job, so here's a blog post about painting.

I had a four month painting hiatus that I decided to exit by making something really easy ("I'm going to make a simple shitty painting by slapping together some geometric shapes"), which produced the square painting on the right (explanation here). It turned out to be a combination of easy and hard – laying down the outlines was easy, since this is the kind of doodling I always do anyway. Putting down the colors was easy. Refining and swapping those colors was hard. In that last step, I realized that the variance in outcome was wider than expected – in particular, that the right combination of colors could probably make this something I truly loved. So that refinement step ended up being ~50% of the work by time, ~70% by mental energy.

This was surprising. This is a child's coloring exercise. On the other hand, I don't remember doing those coloring exercises while growing up, and they turn out to have a lot to teach me. They feel like exactly the right intermediate exercise for me to refine my sense of what colors and shapes look good together.

I've always been bad at colors-and-shapes – and since those are the basics of artistic composition, I considered myself kind of a fundamentally untalented painter. ("Okay, 'fundamentally untalented' is a fake and unhelpful label and I try not to think about it, but in my heart of hearts I know it's a meaningful concept and it's obvious that I'm fundamentally untalented...") It's been a surprise to fuck around in a genre that makes this static fact about myself buckle.

The painting on the left (still in progress) was harder than the first, because I decided most of it would be monochrome except for the top right circle, because the abstract concept I'm trying to convey demands it. (To me, that abstract concept is having a promising fiction synopsis or outline that I may not be able to breathe life into – "breathing life" being something that perseverance and intelligence alone seem to be incapable of promising – and gibbering and sweating and praying hoping it's just going to happen.) I don't want the colorful part to be garish or the monochrome part to be boring, but I don't want to dilute the dichotomy by colorizing the monochrome part too much or vice versa. After a few false starts it's exceeded my expectations, and I know it's going to get even better by my lights. I'm iterating much faster than usual, and I can feel the gravity of the local optimum pulling me in.

There have been multiple points in my life where I suddenly left some plateau of technical skill and bumped up to a new level. I think I'm in one of those phases again. When I close my eyes I see my painting the same way I see Tetris blocks when I'm in a Tetris phase. Cores that are unused for even ten seconds get reallocated to art. It feels amazing.