#Perfect Future Tense German

[deutschhaven]

FUTUR II: Formation & Use Of The German Future Perfect Tense

It is one thing to attempt to make expressions in the future and another to know the exact way to do that. With the German language having two types of future tenses which are both formed with the auxiliary verb werden makes it even more confusing when deciding whether to use the Futur I or Futur II since both can make an assumption which is either certain or uncertain. All of this you’ll get to…

[inbloomwriting]

Everything to me - Chapter 1

Chapter one - Apple seed

Story Masterlist

Plot: Jamie Tartt is a lot of things: professional footballer, the island's top scorer .... sexually, extremly handsome. But one thing he never saw himself as was a dad. Too bad he has to deal with the consequences of his own actions. This fic follows reader and Jamie as they navigate life and turn from practially strangers to parents. Pairing: Jaime Tartt x female reader Warnings: Pregnancy, swearing, mentions of food and alcohol, slight mention of sexual intimacy (nothing graphic), strained/toxic parental relationship Notes: 5.8k words. I do not have a set uploading schedule. Please bear with me as I work on this story. I know hardly anything about pregnancy, all my information comes from google. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please

"You never understood you're everything to me I just hope you know, the future in your heart Is just about to start"

The universe must be mocking her, (Y/N) is sure of that. This is all one big elaborate joke and any minute now Ashton Kutcher is gonna jump out from behind some bushes and tell her that she has been punkd. 

She had a plan, all neatly laid out and organized. Blue ink on white paper in a fancy leather-bound notebook. Like a professional adult would do it who has their life all figured out. 

Renovate the store and get it back up and running

Sell it for profit 

Pay back Mum and get the fuck away from everyone and everything that has ever made her feel unworthy

That was the plan and she was so fucking determined to stick to it for once in her life. So this must be a prank. This must all be one big misunderstanding.

But it’s not a prank, is it? It’s the consequences of her own damn actions.

Her heart is racing as she climbs the stairs up towards Rebecca Welton’s office. Her legs and feet are heavy, like concrete. Why is being honest with your friends so damn hard? 

It’s not just any friend either. It’s Rebecca. Rebecca who has always been in her life ever since (Y/N) was just a kid. Rebecca who is the only person (Y/N) ever looked up to. Why is being honest with her so terrifying?

You know why! 

Yeah, (Y/N) knows why. Because she doesn’t know what she’ll do if Rebecca hates her for what happened. Of all the people in the world, she needs Rebecca on her side. 

As she lifts her hand and knocks on the door of the office, (Y/N) wonders if this is what death row inmates feel like. Knowing the end is inevitable and it’s all your own fault.

“Come in” 

Taking a deep breath, she opens the door and steps into the room. 3 pairs of eyes look back at her but really, the only ones that matter belong to the beautiful blonde sitting by the desk.

“(Y/N), Hi. What are you doing here? Did we have plans? I thought you went back — “

“Yeah I — no, we didn’t have plans.” 

It almost kills her, that smile that Rebecca sends her way. The one that’s so warm and loving and that’s been a constant in her life for most of her childhood and teenage years coming from Rebecca. Rebecca living in that lovely white house next door with the rose bushes and the big windows. Rebecca who taught her how to do the perfect eyeliner wing, who passed down her coolest leather jacket to her, who held her hair the first time she got wasted and threw up in those very rose bushes. Rebecca who was the older sister she never had. 

She loves that smile it used to bring so much comfort to her. Now it makes her want to die. The girl she used to be, deserved to be on the receiving end of that smile. She doubts she still deserves it.

“Can we—” (Y/N)’s eyes dart around the room towards Higgins, then towards the other man. He’s the American trainer, Ted. She’s talked to him once very briefly and he seems so — nice. Genuinely nice. Not for the sake of being perceived as a good person but because he just is. “— do you think we could talk privately?” 

There’s a flicker of concern in Rebecca’s eyes and (Y/N) hates that she put it there.

“Oh, of course. Ted, Leslie, would you excuse us?” 

Everything’s a blur. They leave and (Y/N) thinks Ted makes some kind of pun but she doesn’t really recognize anything but the racing of her heart and the sour feeling in her stomach. Oh, fuck.

Rebecca sits her down on the big couch by the window, the one that’s meant for personal talks, not business. She’s so nice. Oh, she's too nice.

“Are you dying?” 

“I — uh, no.”

“Okay, good.,” Rebecca says letting out a sigh of relief. “Now that that’s out of the way, can I offer you some tea?”

(Y/N) shakes her head.

“Coffee?” 

She repeats the motion

“Champagne?” Rebecca asks, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised in question.

God, wouldn’t she kill for a glass of bubbly right now. 

“No, I’m good. Can you just come sit down, you’re making me nervous.” 

Not only does she sit down, Rebecca’s hand immediately finds (Y/N)’s, holding on warm and tight. It almost pulls an ironic scoff from (Y/N)’s lips. Mum doesn’t know but even if she did, she’d never offer this kind of comfort to her. She never did. So for a second, she lets herself relish in the affection. Just one second. 

“Okay, now out with it.” 

She’s rehearsed this conversation so many times in so many different ways. Like a school presentation. Meticulously planned. Even added in pauses for questions and shit like that.

All of that has vanished, her brain is empty, her tongue made of lead. 

“I uh — look um. Do you remember when your dad died?” 

Of all the ways she could’ve started this talk, this is probably the worst of them all. Who says things like that?

Rebecca seems a little taken aback for a moment before nodding her head and suppressing a slight smile, one brought on by the absurdity of the question, not by joy. “I do, yes. Hard to forget if I’m being honest.” 

“Yeah, I would know.” 

“Yeah.”

“So that night I was obviously very emotional because it reminded me of my dad and all of that bullshit.” Tears are already threatening to roll down her face, sitting on her waterline waiting for the right moment to strike. It’s impressive she still has any left to cry since that’s all she did the last few days.

“That’s understandable. Oh, please tell me you didn’t force yourself to come and relive all of your pain just because you felt like I expected you there? If I knew it was so hard on you I —” 

This, all of this, is twisting the knife so much deeper. Leave it to Rebecca to search for a fault of hers in all of (Y/N)’s mess.

“No, Rebecca, it's nothing like that. I — I fucked up. I let it all get to me and because I’m, well — me, I got a little tipsy. Went outside to get some air and there was this guy. God, Rebecca, he had the saddest eyes. I just felt this weird connection so I sat next to him. We talked and talked and then ended up going to a bar and then to my place and then to my bed and well yeah.” 

She giggles. Rebecca really has the audacity to giggle at that. In her defense, she tries to hold it in but it does slip out eventually. 

“It’s not funny.”

“Is this why you’re upset? You slept with someone at, no wait, after my father’s funeral. That’s okay.”

“There’s more.” 

"Oh, what is it? Was it a footballer?” 

At the lack of a vocal response, Rebecca connects the dots.

“Alright. That’s — that’s not so bad. I was seeing a 21-year-old footballer. I don’t see what’s making you so upset about this.” 

“I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh shit.” 

Getting Rebecca to swear was always something (Y/N) found a silly sense of pride in. Rebecca with her perfect hair and outfits and manners. It felt like something so alien to her and yet that was (Y/N)’s favorite version of Rebecca. The one that’s as messy as you and me even if it’s just for a second.

“Yeah, shit.” 

It’s the first time she said it out loud. Rebecca is the first person to know, except for (Y/N) herself and her gynecologist. Her mother doesn’t know. 

The father of the baby doesn’t know.

Just her and now Rebecca.

“And I don’t know what to do. This wasn’t the plan. Fuck — please don’t be mad.” 

“Why would I be mad? ” 

There is an infinite warmth in Rebecca’s eyes. A warmth she always longed for coming from her own mother but never received. A warmth that seems entirely misplaced right now. 

“I fucked your employee. I used your dad’s funeral to make the shittiest of all shit decisions and now I come here unloading all of this on you because I, once again, don’t know how to get myself out of the hole I dug.” 

Soft hands wrap around (Y/N)’s shoulder and pull her in. Rebecca smells like expensive perfume and hairspray. All comforting and familiar. It’s nice, (Y/N) thinks, that despite everything falling apart in and around her, there is at least one constant in her life. 

“Were you really afraid of telling me or are you just afraid?” 

She’s so smart and so observant, sometimes it’s infuriating. 

“I’m so scared, Rebecca.”

Life doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It doesn’t ease you into things, slow and gentle. There are no training wheels, no floaties. Life happens whether you’re prepared or not. It’s nice to know that there are arms wide open for you to fall into, a hand to pull you out of the roaring sea as you’re just about to drown.

“You can always unload on me, you know that right? That’s what family is for.” 

All the willpower to stay brave and collected and not cry, all that vanishes with Rebecca’s words. Family. They’re family. Maybe not by blood but definitely by fate. By choice. 

Mum would’ve told her to suck it up, to stop crying, and to face the consequences of her own actions. Would’ve probably had an “I knew this would happen�� or an “I told you so” on the tip of her tongue. There is none of that with Rebecca. She just accepts the tears soaking through her, no doubt, expensive blouse and softly strokes (Y/N)’s head. 

For a long time, there are no words exchanged. Some moments ask for calmness not conversation. There’s something deeply therapeutic about crying on the shoulder of someone you deeply trust.

“Can I ask?” Rebecca inquires with a gentle voice just barely louder than a whisper.

She doesn’t have to elaborate. There are only so many questions people have after you told them you had a one-night stand and ended up pregnant. 

“You’re gonna hate the answer.” 

A laugh falls from Rebecca’s lips, her breath tickling the top of (Y/N)’s head. “Don’t tell me It’s Jamie.” 

“Okay, I won’t then.” 

“Oh, (Y/N).” 

Where there should be disappointment in her tone, there is understanding, there is slight amusement but above all, there is deep and honest care. 

“ Can you blame me? Look at him. He’s sculpted by the gods and something about that silly little accent does it for me. I hate to admit it, I truly do.” 

“Does he know?” 

(Y/N) shakes her head, guilt and fear coursing through her veins.

“I don’t even have his number. I know hardly anything about the guy other than that he’s a footballer, that his ego is huge, and that he likes to cuddle after sex.” 

Rebecca’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “Does he? Huh.”

“Yeah, it was really cute actually.” 

For a moment she almost gets lost in the memories of that night, however hazy they might be. Jamie was fun and to an extent he understood. And there’s nothing quite as sexy as a man who is just as sad and messed up as you. Is it healthy? Absolutely not but (Y/N) never claimed to have a particularly healthy view on anything. 

“He works here, you know. In this very building. You can just pop down and tell him.” 

The way Rebecca says it makes it sound so easy. Like it doesn’t come with a shit load of guilt and fear and embarrassment. 

“Wait, I didn’t even ask and I just realized that’s very presumptuous and maybe a little rude of me — do you even want to keep the baby?” 

That’s the big one. The question of all questions. It’s the second thought that came to her head when (Y/N) saw the two lines on that fateful plastic stick. The first one being “Oh fuck.” It’s the question her doctor asked. It’s in all of the leaflets and informational reading she’s been handed.

“I’ve never thought about it before. I mean sure I thought about some hypothetical future but those dreams always changed depending on my mood. Now I’m here and I need to make a choice and It’s — It’s terrifying.” 

“But?” 

“But I think I do want it. I think I want to be a — a mother.” 

It’s a word that feels strange on her tongue, bitter and sharp. Like biting down on your cheek and tasting blood. Mother was never the warm comfort of a home. It was the cold hand on her shoulder, the icy glance of disapproval. 

Maybe mother can be something else. Maybe she can turn it into something sweet.

“I’m just scared. This wasn’t the plan, not right now at least, and not like this. I’m scared of doing it alone.”

“What in the world does that mean? Alone?” 

“I don’t expect Jamie to step up. I’d appreciate it, of course. But he has a brilliant career and so much going for him. Getting me, a one-night-stand, pregnant could ruin so much for him. I don’t ever want that.” 

“No,” Rebecca says and cradles (Y/N)’s face between her warm hands “I mean, you’re not going to be alone. No matter what Jamie says. You have me. And I can guarantee you that there are at least 10 other people in this building right now who will also have your back. Whatever happens, I can promise you that you don’t have to do this alone. And don’t sell yourself short, you have a career too!” 

Maybe the universe isn’t mocking her after all. And maybe this isn’t a punishment either. Maybe this is just life pushing her into the deep end. Thank god she has people to help keep her afloat.

(Y/N)’s eyes wander from the clock on the wall towards the door then back. Over and over again.

Every time the door opens and someone leaves the locker room, her heart speeds up. Maybe if she dies of a heart attack right here and now she won’t have to talk to Jamie. That sounds like the most reasonable reaction. Anyone would agree. Right? 

The boys all regard her with a sense of cautious familiarity. They know her face, know they’ve seen her before but can’t recall where much less put a name to her. 

Well, all of them but Sam. He greets her with that big signature smile of his, so full of joy and sunshine. Calls out her name and asks her about her day. Rebecca might have a point that there are more people here that care about her. Their conversation is brief but there is no doubt in her mind that if she were to call him any time of the day, Sam would drop everything and help her out. That’s just the kind of person he is. 

She wonders if that’s the kind of person Jamie is. 

Another glance at the clock. 2 minutes pass. The door opens once more.

Jamie is smiling when he steps into the hallway. His hair is wet, probably from the shower, and held back by that silly little headband of his. He’s wearing a ridiculously bright orange hoodie and obnoxious colorful sneakers. Everyone else would look absolutely ridiculous in this get-up. Jamie makes it work. It must be some kind of superpower. 

Or maybe he’s just so unfairly fit that it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing. Even naked he looks phenomenal.

Stop thinking about him naked, that’s what got you into this mess.

“Oh, hi!” 

He’s so nonchalant, so casual when his eyes meet her’s across the hall. And really, why wouldn’t he be? What they had was casual. A one-night thing, no strings attached. Just two slightly broken people finding solace in each other. That was all it was supposed to be at least.

(Y/N) feels the weight of the secret resting so heavy on her shoulders, she’s sure she’ll collapse underneath it any second now. 

“Jamie, hi. Uh — can we talk?” 

“Sure, ‘bout what? Are you pregnant or something?” 

He says it with a smile, not giving a single thought to the fact that his joke might be no joke at all but the honest to god truth.

(Y/N) on the other hand, feels like someone doused her in ice water, just poured it all over her. Her hands are clammy, breathing shallow, heart racing. Maybe she’ll get that heart attack after all.

When she doesn’t answer, doesn’t laugh, Jamie’s eyes grow wide in return. Though his reputation might make you believe otherwise, he’s quite quick in putting two and two together. At least in this situation. He doesn’t look happy, that much she expected, but he doesn’t look upset either. He just looks shocked. There is nothing but pure disbelief on his face. The cocky smirk has dropped, now his mouth is opening and closing trying to produce words as his head is trying to process the information he just figured out.

“Do you want to go discuss this somewhere more private?” 

Of all the places to tell someone they got you pregnant, the hallway at his workplace might not be the more desirable. 

A pale-faced Jamie nods his head, his eyes distant and glassy. She knows the feeling, has been there just a few days ago. That’s his whole life playing like a movie in his head right there, now with added scenes of a small child with his eyes. Oh god, she hopes the baby gets his eyes.

Jamie drags her into a small room off of the main hallway. Cubicle cupboards line the walls, filled with shoes and boxes. Orange and bright green and yellow. Every possible color of the rainbow, they have a pair of shoes to match in here. The smell though? The smell has her gagging. Sweat and cold cigarette smoke. It’s disgusting. 

“Oh god, Jamie. This is disgusting.” 

“It’s the boot room. ‘s where we keep the boots — and people come here to smoke.” 

“They come here to smoke? On purpose? Like they chose to spend time in here?” 

Jamie absentmindedly nods his head. He’s so pale-looking (Y/N) fears he might just pass out any minute now. 

“Jamie, are you okay? Do you want to sit down?” 

His eyes start to focus again, looking straight at her. He’s terrified and quite honestly, she can’t blame him. Confusion and fear are all she’s felt for the last few days. A bit of excitement too, sure. But mostly the first two.

“Yeah. No. I mean yes. I guess? No. I — fuck.” 

Nervously he combs his fingers through his damp hair as if to calm himself down. Is that something his parents did to him when he was a kid? A motion of comfort? There is so much she doesn’t know about this man. If he decides that he wants to stick around, can this ever work? Can you raise a child with someone you hardly know and not completely fuck them up? 

“Is it mine, then? Are you sure about that?”

“No, I just like going around scaring people into believing they got me pregnant. Yes, Jamie! I am 100% certain.” 

His hands fly up in defense “Jesus, sorry. I don’t know your sexual history. You had sex with me after a funeral, don’t know how much you get around, now do I?” 

She had expected him to ask if it’s his, hell anyone probably would, but there’s something about his tone that is just so off-putting. The accusation that swings along with his words. The judgment. As if he is in any place to talk.

“Oh get off your high horse, dickhead. We both made that decision after the funeral. Didn't hear you complain. And out of the two of us, It’s not me who fucked a girl in a hot tub on national television. Eurgh” 

“You alright?” 

“No, this room is making me gag. I assume this is bad under normal circumstances but this pregnancy situation has my sense of smell going through the roof. This is killing me.” 

“Well, why didn’t you say nothing?! We could’ve gone somewhere else.” 

“I just wanted to — eurgh— I just wanted to get this over with.” 

“Let me get you out of —” 

“No, let me just say this real quick and then I’m off.” 

She’s prepared this speech a million and one times in a million and one ways. It always worked out fine but then again, her audience was just her cat and the mirror. Having Jamie look at her, a mix of concern and shock still on his face, that’s a whole different story.

“I am having this baby and I would like for you to be a part of their life, but I accept if you say no. Just know that whatever you decide, that’s final. I can’t have you running off and then coming back in a few years regretting your decision and wanting to be a parent after all. And I most definitely will not allow you to say you’re in and then give up on the baby halfway through. I had a parent like that, I will not have my child go through the same thing. I don’t need your decision now just — make up your mind and make sure you’re 100% certain. Here uh— “

Trying to hold her breath so as to not breathe in any more of the foul smell, (Y/N) rummages through her purse before pulling out a small piece of paper.

“They don’t usually do ultrasounds that early but I made friends with the nurse as I was waiting and they allowed me to get one and see the baby. Don’t really see shit on here if I’m being honest but apparently that blob is our child.” 

Jamie takes the picture, his eyes moving between the image and back to her, down to her stomach then back to the picture. It’s like his head and his eyes are trying to cope with the fact that there is a real baby growing inside her. His baby.

“I just thought you might want to have this, if not just throw it away. I’m not trying to manipulate or guilt you into anything. Let me know when you’ve made a decision. You know where I live and Rebecca has my number just ask her for it — I gotta get out of here. Eurgh.” 

And while an overwhelmed Jamie sinks to the floor of the boot room, ultrasound picture clutched in one hand while the other nervously combs through his hair, (Y/N) throws up in the bin by the front door. 

There are 3 things (Y/N) knows for certain. One of them is that Michelle Pfeiffer as Stephanie Zinone in Grease 2 is the coolest person in the world. The second one is that decaf coffee kinda sucks. And 3 is that whoever is knocking on her door at 9:15 tonight, disrupting her rewatch of Grease 2 better has a good reason to do so if they want to keep their head attached to their body.

Slowly she’s dragging herself towards the door. Today was exhaustion enough both physically and mentally, she really doesn’t need the stress of an unannounced visitor. Not when she’s dressed in an old, oversized Hardrock Cafe shirt, bike shorts, and those ridiculous yellow slippers she got on her last trip to Disney that look like Minnie Mouse’s shoes.

“I’m coming, Jesus — “ 

“I don’t know shit about babies.” 

Jamie looks different as he stands before her on her front steps, hair messy and flat against his head, wearing a big grey sweater. Gone is all the charming confidence and the mischievous smirks. He’s all sad eyes and shy smiles. He reminds (Y/N) of a sad, beaten puppy. She almost feels bad for him. Almost. That’s until the words that just fell from his lips really register in her mind.

“You could’ve just texted me you’re not interested. Didn’t have to come here, really.” 

“What? No, I am! “

“You just said —” 

“I said I don’t know shit about babies. Cause I don’t. But I’m not gonna run off.”

“You won’t?”

Jamie has never looked so genuine, so serious as in that moment and it sends a weird feeling through (Y/N). She didn’t have any expectations in him. You can’t really have those if you don’t even know the person. Sure, she hoped he would take interest in her and the baby but things truly could’ve gone either way. To hear him say that he wants to step up and be there, that’s a feeling she can’t really put into words.

“Can we uh — can I come in? Your neighbor is staring at me.” 

(Y/N) opens the door to let Jamie pass before leaning outside and facing the house next door. Sure enough, old Mrs. Hartley is standing by her window, eyes trained on (Y/N)’s front door. Jesus fucking Christ, do these people not have their own lives? 

The small pink couch looks even smaller with Jamie’s broad frame perched in the corner. He’s holding onto the fluffy white pillow as if he needs some kind of buoy to keep him afloat.

“Do you want tea or something?” 

“Do you have beer?” 

She only raises an eyebrow in response and points to her stomach. 

“Right. Pregnant. Forgot about that for a second, sorry. “

Oh, the privilege of getting to forget about that. 

“I have water, ginger ale, and apple juice.” 

Jamie screws his face in repulsion. If there is one thing she’s learned about Jamie Tartt in the limited time they’ve spent together, it’s that his emotions are always so clearly reflected on his face. She’s not sure he knows exactly how expressive he really is.

“I’m good. Here, I actually brought you some stuff.” 

As she sits down on the couch next to him, Jamie holds out a Tesco bag to her filled to the brim with stuff. 

“What’s all this?” 

He looks bashful, almost shy as he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. 

“Just some stuff for your nausea. Google said anything ginger helps so I got these lollies. Also sour candy and crackers. Not sure if it works but I felt so bad seeing you earlier and knowing it's kinda my fault, innit?."

It's such a sweet sentiment that (Y/N) can feel the tears gathering on her waterline. Maybe Jamie is the kind of person she can call when in need. Maybe he can become that person.

"That's very sweet Jamie, oh there's more."

It's a small box with two even smaller socks, so tiny it almost seems impossible that a human being can have such small feet. 

"Saw them and couldn't stop thinking about how cute they were and then I couldn’t stop imagining our baby being so tiny and wearing them and, yeah.” 

“They’re adorable, Jamie. Thank you.” 

His words wrap around her heart like vines. Taking root. Blooming. 

“Our baby”. The thought of having a baby is still so foreign to her. Her own baby, her child. Hearing Jamie call it theirs sends a flutter of feelings through her. Their baby. Part her and part Jamie.

“So what I meant earlier is that I don’t know shit about babies. None of my friends have babies, I have no siblings and all my cousins are around my age so I never really had experience with babies. I know they’re cute and I know they poop a lot. “

“They are pretty cute.”

“Yeah, and our baby?” he says and motions between the two of them “‘s gonna be the cutest fucking baby of all time. It’s genetics.”

The matter-of-fact tone in which he says it pulls a laugh from (Y/N). He does have a point though.

“I am not going to lie, I'm extremely unprepared for this. For being a — a dad.” 

There’s a bitterness there, a heaviness. Maybe Dad is as sharp and as cutting a concept to Jamie as Mum is to (Y/N). 

“Don’t have a dad. Well, I do but he’s right asshole, isn’t he. So I got no idea how to be good at this, had no one to show me. I’ll try though. I want to be different. I need to be. Promised myself when I was a kid that I was not going to be like him, ever.”

“I understand that, trust me Jamie I really do. But I need you to be sure that you want that. I don’t want you to stay around because of some misplaced sense of duty. I want you to want this.” 

"Didn't think I did. When you told me and you gave me an out I wanted to take it. But then I kept looking at that picture, can’t make out anything on it by the way but that doesn’t matter, I kept looking at it and that part of me. That's my baby and I couldn't live with meself if I gave up on it. On you. A lot of people have given up on me in my life and I resent them for it. I can't be the one giving up now, can I? I'm better than that."

She doesn't even realize the tears have found their way out until Jamie's face fills with concern. "Oh no, I didn't mean to make you cry or nothing."

"They're happy tears, I think. I'm really scared, Jamie. Knowing that I don't have to do this all by myself, that helps a bit."

"I promise I'll try to be the best at this. I'll even rub your feet if they're hurting and I fucking hate feet."

Leave it to Jamie to put the humor back into even the most serious and tense of conversations.

"You don't have to rub my feet, that's okay. I do think we should get to know each other better though, now that we're gonna be raising a child together. I know hardly anything about you."

"Uh, you know plenty about me. You know I'm fit, obviously. You know I have great hair. I'm good at football, fucking ace actually. Also sexually."

That little shit has the audacity to wink. it should be annoying. It's weirdly charming though.

"And now you also know that I'm gonna try my best to be good at this. Hey, when the baby is here can I get one of them kangaroo pouch thingies and take them to training with me?"

"Kangaroo pouch? You mean a baby carrier?"

"Yes, that! Strap it to my chest while I do my warm-up."

"You are not taking our baby to training with you, are you insane?"

"I'm joking, Jesus. Would look fucking cool though, maybe get us matching sunglasses. Hats too. Baby icon."

"Oh my god, you know what, maybe this is a bad idea after all."

But it's not, she doesn't mean that. Jamie knows it and (Y/N) knows that he knows. For the first time since those two lines appeared, it feels like she can breathe easy again if even just for a moment. Things will be hard, no doubt but at least she can share it with someone. And it's just an added bonus that someone never fails to put a smile on her face.

"What are you watching there anyway?" Jamie asks, nodding his head towards the tv.

"Grease 2."

"They made a second one? Is it good?"

"No, it's terrible. I love it."

"See," Jamie chimes up, a small genuine smile.on his lips "learned something new about you. The mother of my child loves bad movies. This getting to know each other plan is going so well already."

And while it is a joke, there's also a flicker of truth to it. It's the little things that make us who we are. Like our love for bad movies or our desire to be better than our parents before us.

"Do you wanna stay and watch it with me?"

"Can we start from the beginning?"

"Obviously"

"Then yes! Give me one of them ginger lollies please."

They spent the next few hours watching Grease 2 followed by the first because - well it's just right to watch them both, really. It doesn't feel forced or awkward. This is not two strangers trying to bond for the sake of their child. This is a genuine friendship in the making. It feels wonderful. They exchange numbers, birthdays, favorite colors. It’s all very superficial information but it’s a start and it’s easy. This whole situation is hard enough, sometimes easy is just what you need.

The clock says 12:03 when Jamie decides it's time to go home. 

Just as he is about to leave, one foot already out the door, he turns back with curious eyes.

"Do you know how big the baby is?"

"Uh, no. Pretty tiny I think."

"They didn't tell you what fruit size?"

"Fruit size?"

"Yeah like, it's as big as a strawberry now or something."

(Y/N) shakes her head in response "I think they mostly do that in American movies."

Jamie looks deflated for a fracture of a second before he lightens up again and one of those rare smiles takes over his face. The one that makes him look so boyish and excitable. Like a fucking golden retriever.

"That's okay. I'll find out."

"You do that. Let me know what you find. Have a good night Jamie."

"You too!" Then his eyes move to her stomach "And you too baby."

God, he can be so adorable it's absolutely sickening.

As she lays in bed, (Y/N) thinks back to just the night before. To the anxiety and the fear. To all the what-ifs that ghosted through her head. That seems like a whole lifetime ago and even though a lot of those fears are still present, they get overshadowed tonight. By the knowledge that she's not alone. And by the absolute sunshine that is Jamie Tartt. 

Just before she closes her eyes, her phone dings with a notification. 

Her hand comes to rest gently on her stomach. There’s no change there yet, absolutely no sign of a baby growing in there at this very moment. And yet she knows and that makes all the difference. 

In a voice, soft like silk, she whispers “Daddy says goodnight”. It’s cheesy, outright sickening but in the dark of the night, who is there to judge her for it? Sometimes you have to let yourself be ridiculous and cringy if your heart demands it.

That night she doesn't fall asleep to fear and anxiety. That night she falls asleep with a smile on her face. 

[spanishskulduggery]

Regarding the pluperfect and imperfect subjunctive

This came up in one of my posts in the replies and I wanted to give it some extra attention - and I'll try to explain this in layman's terms but this is a bit of historical linguistics that I'm not fully qualified to examine, so if anyone has anything to add please do!

For reference though, this is fairly advanced grammar we're talking about so if you're not there, don't worry about it too much

Some of this isn't really taught, you just experience it. I'd put it at the Spanish 4 or above level - B2 or C1 for those who use the European framework

-

When I was talking about the imperfect subjunctive, I mentioned how there are two different conjugation forms

In every textbook and conjugation chart, they're next to each other - they are the -ara/-era forms, and -ase/-ese forms

1. hablara, hablaras, hablara, hablaran, habláramos, hablarais 2. hablase, hablases, hablase, hablasen, hablásemos, hablaseis 1. comiera, comieras, comiera, comieran, comiéramos, comierais 2. comiese, comieses, comiese, comiesen, comiésemos, comieseis 1. viviera, vivieras, viviera, vivieran, viviéramos, vivierais 2. viviese, vivieses, viviese, viviesen, viviésemos, vivieseis

And like I was explaining, in general Latin America will prefer to use the #1 forms for imperfect subjunctive

Spain tends to differentiate them more between past subjunctive [which they often do use the #1 forms], but for hypothetical and contrary to fact statements they do tend to use the #2 forms

In other words: both regions will likely say something like querían que escribiera la carta "they wanted me to write the letter"

But in a sentence like "if I were rich" you'd often see Latin America say si fuera rico/a, but then Spain might instead say si fuese rico/a

......

For everyone learning Spanish, don't worry about that; both forms are accepted and understood

This is largely like the difference between saying "if I was rich" and "if I were rich" in English; both make sense, but "was" and "were" are technically different conjugations with "was" coming out more past tense and "were" being an imperfect subjunctive holdover from German's ich wäre which is subjunctive "I would/were", like "were I to do that", that's "were" is close to how wäre is pronounced

-

The point I really wanted to make was that in some special cases you will see the -ara/-era used as past perfect [called pluperfect; or pluscuamperfecto meaning "more than perfect"]

Side Note: "perfect" in linguistic terms means "past", literally "perfect" is "done thoroughly"; this is why "imperfect" means "incomplete" or "not yet done", and it's why you'll see a difference between preterite/simple past and the imperfect tense, and why we're talking about imperfect subjunctive [meaning "subjunctive that is not yet complete", or "past subjunctive"]

In most of modern Spanish, the perfect tenses are a special case where you use haber + a past participle:

he hablado = I have spoken he comido = I have eaten he vivido = I have lived

The conjugation of haber changes and the past participle does not

In other words, sometimes you'll see había hablado "I had spoken" which is the normal pluperfect

You may also see haya [present subjunctive; "I may have"], habré [future; "I will have"], habría [conditional; "I could have"], or hubiera / hubiese [imperfect subjunctive; "I could/would have"]

The goal of the perfect is to make everything a little bit more in the past

...

This is where we get into pluperfect, which is today done with the imperfect conjugation of haber + past participle

In older Spanish however, this was done with the -ara/-era forms that are now part of the imperfect subjunctive

In other words, if you're reading older Spanish you may come across what you think is imperfect subjunctive, but it may in fact be pluperfect

This will really depend on the book itself and if it has modern Spanish or not. But if you are reading something very old or set in Medieval or fantasy times you may see things like this that mean pluperfect:

fuera -> había sido "had been" [or había ido "had gone"] (se) llamara -> (se) había llamado "had called" or "had been called" dijera -> había dicho "had said" comiera -> había comido "had eaten" abriera -> había abierto "had opened" cantara -> había cantado "had sung"

...

IMPORTANT NOTE: It's not common to use imperfect subjunctive as pluperfect anymore. HOWEVER... it does sometimes happen in journalism and newspapers or biographies

This is why you may see naciera to mean "was born" or "had been born" used the same way people say nació "was born" - both come from nacer "to be born", but naciera is the imperfect subjunctive [technically pluperfect here], and nació is preterite/simple past

...To put that into more digestible terms; naciera can be used as "was born"; you'd NEVER see naciese used that way because it isn't actually subjunctive

This is just a special case holdover from more antiquated Spanish

-

The biggest clue in determining if it's historical Spanish or not is how they treat haber in general though

You see, in very old Spanish haber meant "to have" the way most Western language cognates use it; avoir, avere, and even German haben are all cognates for "to have"

In older Spanish haber was the way we use tener today; so sometimes you might see he dos hijos "I have two children" instead of tengo dos hijos

There are some holdovers; like in Spain haber de + infinitive is "must" the way people will use tener que + infinitive

haber began to be used more in the perfect, and eventually became preferred for the pluperfect

AND! - the future subjunctive became obsolete. AND! - imperfect subjunctive came to encompass both past and future-y endeavors, taking on two separate but equally used conjugations

-

Now the more linguistics side of it which I'm not fully qualified to discuss but I'll share what I know

The reason you have two separate forms for the imperfect subjunctive is based on Latin

cantaverat [Latin active pluperfect] -> cantara cantavisset [Latin active past subjunctive] -> cantase

It seems that for Spanish, the two forms for pluperfect and past subjunctive [imperfect] became separate... but that the speakers of Spanish muddled them together

This is really similar to English's "would" or "could"... Where you can say "I would go" and it could be past like "I would always go to the beach on Sunday", or it can be more conditional "I would go if they asked"

At some point - I do not know when or how long it took - Spanish combined the two separate conjugations into one imperfect subjunctive

This is likely why some regions see a difference, and others don't make the distinction - because they started off separate, but their functions in grammar were muddled

...

That's where my expertise ends; there were lots of changes in historical Spanish vs modern Spanish that also probably impacted it, like the change of haber to be used in pluperfect probably helped the two merge more effectively

...

But also I think this is very specific to Spanish

Spanish in general is considered more distinct from regular Romance Languages, so I'm not sure how this would compare to French or Italian for example

And even among the Iberian Romance Languages, I'm not sure how this compares to Portuguese, Occitan, Asturian, Catalan, etc.

I believe this is very specifically related to Spanish, and the Spanish spoken in different regions [even in Spain] can have some pretty big differences

My understanding is that in general modern Spanish is more standardized so they are understood regardless of you using fuera or fuese for example; just that it's regional variations

If anyone has other linguistics knowledge on the subject, or experience with other Romance Languages or Iberian languages in general, please let me know

[prehnite-soul]

Grammar rant incoming :) if anyone wants to learn German grammar, enjoy this rant about tenses lol

i hate hate HATE when aspects of me not being a native English speaker come through in my writing. Sometimes ill forget how I started the sentence and end up with 'I'm taking you out to have a picnic with him.' (THE 'I' REFFERING TO 'HIM')

In German, you only have 6 tenses. In English, you have 12. Of course I mix them up. Can I tell you the difference between the English tenses? No, but I know what future, right now, and past is, and I kind of use them instinctively.

German uses the present perfect (Perfekt) and simple past (Präteritum) to express past actions, with the present perfect being more common in spoken German.

English goes "I have eaten" OR "I am eating", which are perfect and progressive aspects, but in German, you don't directly have that range.

English has three past tenses (past, past continuous, and past perfect) while in German you only have two (Präteritum (simple past) and Perfekt (present perfect). (You COULD form something like past continuous with a bit more grammar, but that's rather complicated in German.) Many Germans will just use Perfekt (present perfect).

German uses the present tense to express both simple and continuous actions, while English distinguishes between them.

On the other hand, we have two tenses for the future (Future I & Futur II), described below.

Beneath is a description of all German tenses (you don't want to know how long that took me).

German Tenses: 

Präsens (Present): Used for present actions and sometimes for future actions. 

Perfekt (Present Perfect): Used for past actions, especially in spoken German. 

Präteritum (Simple Past): Used for past actions, more common in writing. 

Plusquamperfekt (Past Perfect): Used to describe an action that happened before another past action. 

Futur I (Future): Used to express future actions. 

Futur II (Future Perfect): Used to express an action that will be completed by a specific time in the future. 

English Tenses: (For comparison) 

Present Simple: "I play."

Present Continuous: "I am playing."

Present Perfect: "I have played."

Present Perfect Continuous: "I have been playing."

Past Simple: "I played."

Past Continuous: "I was playing."

Past Perfect: "I had played."

Past Perfect Continuous: "I had been playing."

Future Simple: "I will play."

Future Continuous: "I will be playing."

Future Perfect: "I will have played."

Future Perfect Continuous: "I will have been playing."

ALSO:

German distinguishes between formal and informal "you" (Sie vs. du/ihr), which affects verb conjugation. Basically, in German, we have two different forms for 'you'. One of which being a formal one, and one being well, not formal (for e.g. friends, close people, etc.).

Also, our neutral pronouns are basically objectifying. German is a heavily gendered language (I won't even START with our articles), so as a nonbinary/gender neutral person, you'd have to get creative. Or accept that you'll always be called by male/female pronouns in German. Which sucks. Anyway German pronouns suck, most Germans don't understand them either, I vote to redo them.

[sysirauta]

This time in English, about my attempt to learn Ukrainian. I've come to a conclusion that when your starting point is something as nuts as Finnish, then Ukrainian, a language with its seven conjugations, 33 letters, gendering things, and a few extra hissing sounds is easy enough. Languages are not my forte and three months is merely a start, but I'm stubborn enough that I will learn to understand and speak this language. Having some English, decent German and (mostly forgotten) Swedish on the background do help as well. (Technically a couple of Latin courses too, but...)

This time some thoughts about verbs, both Ukrainian and Finnish. English: run, runs.

Yeah. I feel like having a very unfair advantage with past tenses. Ukrainian has only one kind of past tense instead of imperfect/perfect/pluperfect as far as I've understood, and that doesn't go to the conjugation grinder like Finnish does. (There's however the future tense that Finnish lacks, but it's super easy and no issue with English already on hand.)

And of course, Finnish learners encounter this wonderful hell as well:

The fact that I don't need to try understand this (as I already do), is motivating in its odd way.

On the other hand, I've gained a way more understanding why exactly Finnish is tricky for any learner with an Indo-European native language. You're very brave and I promise that you won't need most of these words anywhere ever. I showed this conjugation table to my (as well very Finnish) dad and he just looked at it and went "what does 'juostaveine' even means?" so even if Finnish can do this, it doesn't mean that it is even useful or coherent, even for natives.

[stopmyhearts]

Interestingly reading full books in German is still that tiny bit easier than in English. Like, it's not hard for me in English, I can easily do it, but with texts upwards of 20 pages or so the difference does become noticeable

And like, I've been reading full English novels since I was fucking eleven, before I even knew more tenses than simple present, simple past and will-future. I've learned most of my English because I wanted to read or watch things in their original form, because I was frustrated with the inadequacies of translation (although this is something I feel much more warmly towards today. Translation is an art, one that can never be perfect). I certainly don't find it difficult and often do prefer English. But something about my native language does just roll that little bit smoother in my brain

[glossopoesis]

3rd of Lexember

Today I'm doing a more proper lexember, with the word gallū /'gal:u:/ "to be able to, can"

The verb is irregular, but not suppletive, all forms come from the root *gelH-

The present stem is from the Ø-grade of the nasal infix present i.e. *gl<n>H- with assimilation of the n to the l (seen also in Welsh gallu). The conjugation here is slightly irregular, as it retains the vowel from the vocalised laryngeal, something that is elsewhere replaced with the typical thematic vowel

In keeping with the theme of Velgaiɣa being intermediate between Celtic and Germanic, the verbal system is reduced from that found in the Ancient Celtic languages (or better attested in Italic, which seems to have been largely parallel in terms of the categories attested, even if the specific forms differ). In particular, instead of an imperfect, perfect/preterite/aorist, and pluperfect, we have a preterite and perfect, with no future perfect either. The perfect is also restricted to the active voice

The preterite uses a mix of aorist (as in this case) and (more typically) perfect stems as in Celitc (and Italic), but wholely perfect endings (as in Germanic), rather than the innovative endings found in Celtic and Italic (likely originally aorist endings followed by perfect endings). As such, it broadly continues the Late PIE perfect, but has been reinterpreted as a general past tense (as is common cross-linguistically)

The perfect is, in origin, a pluperfect, but was pulled into the position of perfect when the perfect became a preterite. It has the same stem as the preterite, but uses imperfect/aorist endings (as in the Latin pluperfect)

This particular verb has a "rhotic" future, the regular continuation of the Late PIE sigmatic future when the s is added directly to the root or with a preceding vowel (including from an inserted laryngeal), as *s regularly develops into r following an unstressed vowel (following a stressed vowel it instead debuccalises to h, unless followed by an additional consonant, including a *y or *w which would subsequently be lost)

The passives are in -i as in Germanic, rather than in -r (as in Celtic and Italic)

The non-finite verbal system is actually slightly larger than seems to have existed in either Celtic or Germanic, mostly because I love non-finite verb forms:

Present active infinitive: this is a locative of an s-stem noun, as seen in the Latin present active infinitive. It is derived from the root itself, not the present stem, so must be learnt separately when learning the paradigm of a regular verb. It was originally always e-grade (which would give *gelari), but in some instances like here, the present stem has spread to it by analogy

Perfect active infinitive: this is a dative of a nó-stem noun, as seen in Greek, and similar to the Germanic infinitive (although that is an accusative). It is derived from the root itself, not the perfect stem, so must be learnt separately when learning the paradigm of a regular verb. Whilst it does use the same ablaut grade as the perfect passive verbal noun, the n typically assimilates to a preceding consonant, making the relationship opaque

Perfect passive infinitive: this is a locative of an s-stem noun with the -t- suffix seen in the perfect passive participle

Present active participle: this is the regular old present active participle

Perfect active participle: this is the old stative participle

Future active participle: this is a stative participle with the future stem

Perfect passive participle: this is a tó-stem adjective, as seen in Latin and, possible, Germanic weak verbs

Future passive participle: from a thematisation of a verbal noun in -otr-/n- formed with the future s-suffix (this same -otr-/n- suffix is one of the more plausible suggestions for the origin of the Latin gerundive or future passive participle, albeit from the -otn- form, which would give -tt- here instead)

Present active verbal noun: this is intended to parallel the Germanic "gerund" in -ungō, the origin of which is unclear. One proposal has it from an earlier form with a labiovelar, in which case we'd expect a verbal noun in -mp- here instead, but I wanted the clearer parallel to Germanic so decided to go with a plain (or palato) velar instead

Perfect passive verbal noun: this is the classic PIE supine tu-stem verbal noun. It is derived from the root itself, not the perfect stem, so must be learnt separately when learning the paradigm of a regular verb (although the perfect passive infinitive, perfect passive participle, and future passive participle are also derived from the same stem)

[honourablejester]

While we’re on this topic of old films we watched and enjoyed, some random movie recs from the 1910s through to the 1970s based on the things that popped into my head fastest. Warning in advance, I like horror, noir, swashbucklers, dark comedy and dodgy fantasy films.

1910s

Fantômas serials (1913/1914) – As I said in the previous post, if you ever get a random hankering for silent-era pulpy French crime thrillers, these are an excellent start.

1920s

Metropolis (1927) – the imagery in this movie is absolutely stunning, even if the morals are extremely heavy-handed. Worth it for the Robot Maria transformation sequence alone. Also, and I feel mean for thinking this, because the poor man’s going through hell, but there are moments where Freder is truly hilarious. And also, Batman: The Animated Series owes so much, visually, to this movie. It single-handedly shape a vision of what cities and the future and architecture and transport could look like.

Nosferatu (1922) – imagery. The Germans were so fucking good at imagery in early cinema. Admittedly the movie does some very strange things to the Dracula mythos, and is probably the source of a lot of later ideas of him that have nothing to do with the novel (the sunlight thing), but it’s so cool.

1930s

M (1931) – Peter Lorre is incredible. And actually the whole set up of this movie is so creepy and tense and enthralling, and then the court scene busts it wide open. Deals with some heavy things, including child murder, vigilante justice and mental illness, but it’s so good. And you will never hear ‘Hall of the Mountain King’ the same way again.

The Thin Man (1934) and sequels – they’re half hardboiled noir and half screwball comedy, but they’re not a parody, because they predate most of the noir genre, so this is more of a funny hybrid precursor series. And they’re really funny. If you just want some pep and jazz in your life, a good time for an hour or so, totally watch these, they’re adorable.

The Prisoner of Zenda (1937) – Okay. I just like a good swashbuckler? You will see Zenda several times on this list, because I enjoy a lot of versions of this, but of all of them you need to start with this one, because Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. No one else will ever do Rupert of Hentzau like him. If you like your charming, snarky villains, if you like your Lokis, Rupert of Hentzau. Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. If you also like your villain and your hero to have powerful sexual tension and lean very close to each other while crossing blades, again. Rupert of Hentzau. Just watch. You’ll see.

Son of Frankenstein (1939) – I’m not going to lie, I watched this movie purely to see where Young Frankenstein (1974, also very much worth a look) was getting a lot of its in-jokes and gags from (Inspector Kemp in YF is riffing off Inspector Krogh in this movie). But it is worth watching wholly on its own merits. Among other things, Inspector Krogh is a genuinely cool and compelling character (as a kid, the monster ripped his arm out during its first rampage, and during this movie Krogh fully stands up to that childhood nightmare and has a cool moment with his prosthetic arm), and if you have any interest in Basil Rathbone, Boris Karloff or Bela Lugosi, this movie is fantastic. Lugosi in particular as Igor does so much in this movie. If all you picture when you think of him is Dracula, try this. (And The Black Cat (1934), which also has Karloff and Lugosi, but is significantly more intense).

1940s

The Mark of Zorro (1940) – Okay. I like swashbucklers. I like movie sword fights. This movie has the best movie sword fight ever. Basil Rathbone vs Tyrone Power. No contest. And, I mean, yes, the rest of the movie is also good. But watch it for the sword fight. Perfection.

The Wolf Man (1941) – This movie and Casablanca between them gave me a bit of a thing for Claude Rains. I don’t know, he’s just really compelling to watch. Very soft-spoken, but very there. And if you want the tragedy of the werewolf curse, this is the movie that started it all. This is not a monster movie. This is a psychological horror story of one man breaking apart under the burden of a curse. It’s so good.

Casablanca (1942) – I mean, it’s everyone’s answer. It’s stereotypical, the classic movie. But it is very, very good. Extremely quotable. I wish to punch Rick in the face several times over. And Claude Rains as Renault is so sleazy, but also so compelling.

Arsenic & Old Lace (1944) – If you ever wondered what the deal with Cary Grant was. This movie. His face. The whole movie just rides on his face. His reactions, his body language. I mean, the movie does a lot of things spectacularly. If you enjoy dark comedy, this is the pinnacle. Hiding bodies in window seats, kill count competitions between a psychotic criminal and his maiden aunts, the extremely morbid running gags of ‘yellow fever’ and Teddy charging up the stairs and the elderberry wine. But really it’s all Cary Grant and his fucking expressions. There are several points in this movie where I can’t breathe. For a man with so many suave, serious leading roles, his physical comedy was incredible.

The Big Sleep (1946) – This was the movie that introduced me to noir. Not the Maltese Falcon, not Double Indemnity, not Sunset Boulevard. This one. The Big Sleep. And you can argue that it’s not the best of the noirs, it’s a bit too caught up in itself, the plot if you pay attention has some big holes in it, and if you compare it to the book one female character in particular got rather cheated. But. As an introduction. It does land, very definitely. Bumpy Go-Cart (sorry, Humphrey Bogart) and Lauren Bacall are all that and then some. If you want to pick a noir, you can do a lot worse.

1950s

The Prisoner of Zenda (1952) – Mostly I like this as a compare/contrast to the 1937 one. It’s damn near a shot-for-shot remake, and while that could be a bad thing, it’s fascinating what differences and interpretations show up because of that. Watch the ’37 one first, and then watch this one. It’s just cool to compare them. And, you know. It’s still a really fun swashbuckler.

The Court Jester (1955) – Just the best time. The best. I have an unreasonable amount of fondness for this film, this gentle send-up of previous swashbucklers and period dramas in the vein of The Adventures of Robin Hood, and basically every movie Basil Rathbone ever made. Watch it for Danny Kaye, watch it for the tongue twisters, watch it for a baby Angela Lansbury, watch it for an absolutely hysterical duel scene, watch it for Maid Jean being the single most competent character there. Just watch it. I cannot entertain criticism on this point. It’s excellent, and I’m not sane about it.

Some Like It Hot (1959) – Jack Lemon is going to show up again later in this list, and for good reason, (as is Tony Curtis, but we don’t care as much about him), but Some Like It Hot is also, for a 1959 movie, a really gentle, funny, interesting look at gender roles? I mean, the premise is two dudes going undercover as female musicians with an all-female band to avoid mob hitman, and one of them keeps getting hit on by rich man while the other struggles to get it on with Marilyn Monroe in his male persona while trying to hide from mob assassins in a female persona, so it could be such a hot mess, but it actually … It’s quite gentle. Marilyn’s Sugar gets to talk about what men expect when they see her and, because he’s pretending to be a woman, Tony Curtis’ Joe has to listen to her, Jack Lemmon’s Jerry/Daphne gets to get genuinely swept up in the feeling of being romanced as a woman to the point that he’s semi-seriously talking about marriage, and in the end, when Jerry reveals he’s a man to Osgood, the rich old idiot who’s been trying to romance ‘Daphne’, Osgood famously just goes ‘well, nobody’s perfect’, and still appears perfectly willing to marry ‘her’. I mean, it has its issues still, but there’s such a lot of gentleness in it for a comedy movie made in 1959.

1960s

The Innocents (1961) – One of my two all-time favourite horror movies, on raw atmosphere alone. It’s so eerie. SO EERIE. It’s horrible and twisted and goes heavy places (child death, a child acting ambiguously sexually while possibly possessed, strong questions of sanity), but it’s done so gracefully and gently and eerily. If Gothic Horror is of interest to you as a genre, if you enjoyed Crimson Peak, try this. It is all beautiful sunshine and sprawling lawns and twisted desires and paranoid terrors and the single eeriest scene I’ve ever seen in anything ever. Watch the lake scene. It’s stunning.

The Raven (1963) – Pivoting back to comedy horror, this time with added fantasy. Vincent Price has been in a lot of better movies, but I’m not sure if he’s been in many funnier ones. Him and Peter Lorre just own this movie. Wall to wall ham. Just. Just go in, just watch it. There’s a loose frame plot of duelling magicians, vague references to Poe’s ‘The Raven’, Boris Karloff returning as a villain, animal transformations, and the obligatory young romance getting embroiled in their sorcerous parents’ plots (although, jarringly, the young romantic lead is a baby Jack Nicholson, which sure gives it a weird vibe), but honestly? You’re here for Vincent Price and Peter Lorre and the wizard duel.

The Great Race (1965) – Jack Lemmon is back, as is Tony Curtis, but we only care about the former of those, because Professor Fate (obligatory shouting). Okay. I don’t know how many people remember the old Hanna-Barbera Wacky Races cartoons? Am I aging myself here? But this is the movie they were based on, and Professor Fate is who Dick Dastardly was based on. The premise is a 1910s global car race between Curtis’ Great Leslie (you will want to punch him, and that’s perfectly natural) and Lemmon’s Professor Fate, an exaggerated eccentric conman and cheater and over the top cartoon villain of man, and you will love him. He’s the best thing in it. But there’s also Natalie Woods as the reporter who also enters the race, and a young Peter Falk as Fate’s sidekick Max. That’s a baby Columbo as the ‘villain’s more competent henchman. AND. For me, for bonus points, a huge section at the end of the rest is basically a whole-plot Prisoner of Zenda reference in which Professor Fate is the hero. Look. Look. Do you ever want to watch a live-action cartoon? This is that movie. Trust me. It’s fantastic. The romance has aged terribly, you will want to throw Leslie off a cliff, it has several extremely sixties tropes in it, but it’s that movie. Watch it. Have fun.

1970s

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1973) – Right. So. 70s fantasy movie. Not politically correct in the slightest, and some extremely unfortunate choices were made in it. But. Ray Harryhausen. Stop motion fantasy effects of awesome. And, also, I just really enjoyed the character of the Vizier. He doesn’t really get to do anything, he’s kinda just set-dressing, but he is the horrifically maimed advisor to the king who fell afoul of our sorcerous villain, and he has a cool golden mask to cover his scars, and you think he’s going to turn out to be treacherous but no, he’s rock-solid calm and noble and helpful the entire way through, and I just really really like him. The image of him stuck in my head for years.

Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975) – My other all-time favourite horror movie, and again it’s the eeriness. Pure eeriness. Nothing happens in this movie. There’s no monsters, there’s no explanations. 3 girls go missing on a rock in early 1900s Australia, in the midst of baking heat and sunshine and the looming shape of a volcanic geological formation, and the movie just follows their society unravelling in the aftermath. No one knows what happened. Grief and terror and unanswered questions destroy people. Reactions, prejudice, respectability and hidden flaws, loss of innocence, the unpredictable reactions of people unstrung by grief and fear, all of it snowballs in the wake of the disappearances, and over it all looms the sunshine and the rock. The score and the cinematography of this movie work so well to create this pervasive, eerie, unreal mood, this sense of something watching, this ancient force presiding over the unravelling of the false civilisation layered over top of it. I fucking love this movie. It’s stunning.

Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) – A rather big jump in genres, we’re back to crime thrillers here, which we haven’t really touched since the 1910s on this list, but the sustained tension in this movie is par excellence. The opening half hour. A theme for the seventies movies on this list is going to be sunshine and drifting tension, and Precinct 13 does it so well. Heat, claustrophobia, urban isolation, siege mentality. And the character relationships that develop inside that siege mentality, the alliances and bedrock life-or-death trust that evolves between enemies, and then are brutally cut short by the re-establishment of the outside world at the end, the rude reintroduction of law and connectedness and social consequences, is just … amazing. The movie is a heat dream, a bubble of disconnectedness and violence and blood and faith, and then the ‘real’ world slams back down at the end. It’s good. It’s so well paced. Watch this movie.

Nosferatu (1979) – Just to, again, tie things back to the earlier entries on this list. Werner Herzog’s 70s remake of Nosferatu was actually the first version I saw, as it was considerably easier to get hold of. And it stuck. Even after seeing the original. And a lot of that, I think, was because of the opening, which is just spectacularly eerie. The drifting, eerie music, the monastic chant, the heartbeat under it, the panning shots of the mummies in the catacombs (which are from Mexico, but howandever). I mean, there are a lot of problems with this movie, Werner Herzog is not exactly the most upright and sensitive of dudes, (and it added some more questionable elements to the Dracula mythos), but for sheer imagery and tone-setting, this opening was incredible. And the movie does keep that tone, that eerie drifting, especially once Dracula starts bringing the plague behind him. Again, the 70s theme of sunshine and eeriness. It’s worth a look.

[nabooro]

*Victorian orphan voice* spare any conjugations, sir?

I’m writing some Naboo-based fics and I’m sprinkling in some of your Nabooro for ✨effect✨ (probably will never be posted but I’ll drop your @ if I ever do)

Relatedly, I compiled the pronouns into a table, and I’m assuming a nominative (green) and combined accusative/dative (blue)

I also grabbed the possessives and reflexives (green for singular, blue for plural). I didn’t see any first person possessives or any other reflexives, but it’s entirely possible I missed them in the dictionary.

But yeah, can only get so far with infinitives unless they’re just used as-is.

Relatedly, is it a straightforward past/present/future deal? Or do they get fancy with it? Throw in perfect tenses? Plusquamsperfekt (does that even exist in English? I only know it in German) or subjunctives? What about command form (imperative, I think)?

Side note, I’m assuming that adjectives don’t have endings due to the lack of gender, but do they have regular comparative and superlative forms?

Anyway, don’t worry if this takes awhile or even gets broken down into multiple posts, I know it’s kinda asking a lot. I only know enough about linguistics to read IPA and overthink when to use // and []. Keep up the good work 🫡

Hi!

First off, I'm wildly flattered that you'd want to sprinkle some of my silly little language into something you're writing! I'd be happy to help / clarify any questions you have anytime re: that.

Regarding pronouns - you're right, it's Nominative, and a combined Accusative and Dative. The 1st person sing. possessive is nod, and the plural is tad.

The reflexive damâ is kind of used in place of what in English we might call the 'royal we'? It's more like a deeply formal and rarely used version of 'I' than the reflexive as it's used in English, used to refer to a removed version of yourself. Not a lot of people would have cause to use it often, just the ruler and their handmaids, and anybody in religious mask that is meant to negate self-identity. Those who would use it wouldn't use it interchangeably with 'I/me' - when applicable, you are at all times damâ. I hope that makes sense!

Verb conjugations... I have them. Unfortunately, they're an absolute menace to explain in any way that's not just ... a table, I guess. Stay tuned, I guess; I'll try to set up a table for that. Unfortunately I also have more irregular verbs than I would like there to be, which is just something I'm dealing with.

The conjugation system accounts for number and person, as well as conditional statements, subjunctives, pluperfects, and imperatives. [nervous laughter]

This is why I simply haven't gotten to putting it on here. But this is excellent reason to do so!

Adjectives are easier. No accounting for case, just bare forms. The comparative version of adjectives is just loon [adjective], translating to 'more [adj]'. The opposite would be shishee [adj], which means 'less [adj]'. There isn't a superlative form per se, just a matter of emphasis and phrasing.

Please feel free to drop into my DMs for further info on anything specific while I work on that conjugation table, and hope this helps!

[wandering-alien]

Ok so I've been wanting to ramble a tiny bit about universal translators for a while so here ya go. It's a bit incoherent but hopefully someone will find it interesting.

So of course they're translating a huge range of languages, but even if you compare two relatively similar Earth languages, they bring up some interesting questions. Let's take English and German (and bear in mind I am not a linguist):

In English, we tend to have all the verbs near the start of the sentence/clause, even in past and future tenses i.e. 'I had been sleeping in my bed.' or 'I will go to the restaurant.'

In the German past perfect tense, the auxiliary verb is the second 'idea' or 'part' of the sentence/clause and the past participle is at the end of that sentence/clause i.e. 'Ich habe in meinem Bett geschlafen.' In the future tense, using the verb 'werden' and the infinitive, it's the same: 'Ich werde ins Restaurant gehen.'

This means that, in German, as an English speaker, sometimes you have to read/listen to the whole sentence first, before properly translating it, because one of the verbs is in a completely different place to where it is in English (and vice versa).

Now, a universal translator translates as someone is speaking, but there would be a significant delay, right? Because the sentence structures are different (and we're talking about English and German here, imagine English and Vulcan) there would have to be a reasonably large delay for the translator to get the message across in a normal way to the other person. I mean, it has to wait for basically the time it takes to say a sentence as well as however long it takes to actually translate (but I imagine that would be pretty quick).

I don't really know what all this is meant to mean/says about universal translators, I guess just that it must take longer than it seems on Star Trek and it would still be a pain having people who speak radically different languages working together on a ship (which is a shame).

HOWEVER.

In Doctor Who, the TARDIS' universal translator is psychic. In the words of the 9th Doctor: "a telepathic field that gets inside your brain- translates." So I reckon there doesn't need to be a delay there because the words/idea is in your head so the translator can work with that?

I have no idea how it works in Star Trek, I haven't watched all of the tv shows and films so maybe it gets explained more, but it doesn't seem psychic. Idk, maybe it is, in which case the same applies.

The other thing I find interesting is how it would basically be a massive AI but I think I'll talk about that in another post.

[futurelanguage]

From Beginner to Fluent: How Long Does It Take to Master Italian and German in Language Classes?

Learning a new language can be an exciting journey, but it often comes with its fair share of challenges. Whether you’re tackling Italian language classes, German language classes, or even French language classes, you’ll likely face obstacles in mastering grammar, expanding your vocabulary, and perfecting pronunciation. This comprehensive guide will provide practical tips to help you overcome these challenges, no matter which language you are learning, so you can confidently progress on your path to fluency.

1. Mastering Grammar: Strategies for Success

Grammar is often one of the most intimidating aspects of learning any new language. Italian and German, in particular, have their own unique grammatical systems that beginners may find complex. Whether you’re working through Italian language classes, German language classes, or even French language classes, these tips will help you navigate common grammar pitfalls.

a. Italian Grammar: Conjugations and Gender

Italian grammar can seem complicated at first, especially when it comes to verb conjugations and gendered nouns. Italian is a Romance language, which means its verbs change depending on the subject (I, you, we, etc.), tense (past, present, future), and mood (indicative, subjunctive, etc.). Additionally, every noun in Italian has a gender, which can be challenging for beginners.

Tip 1: Focus on Patterns When learning verb conjugations, focus on common patterns for regular verbs first. Italian has three types of verb endings (-are, -ere, -ire), and understanding these will help you conjugate most verbs correctly. Practice with flashcards or apps like Anki to drill conjugations until they become second nature.

Tip 2: Gender Agreement To master noun gender and agreement with adjectives, practice using the articles (il, la, un, una) consistently with the nouns. Memorizing common noun endings can help you predict whether a word is masculine or feminine. For example, words ending in “-o” are usually masculine, while those ending in “-a” are typically feminine.

b. German Grammar: Cases and Syntax

German is known for its intricate grammar, especially its case system (nominative, accusative, dative, genitive) and flexible word order. Cases indicate the role of a noun in a sentence, whether it's the subject, direct object, or indirect object.

Tip 1: Understand the Function of Cases One of the most challenging aspects of German language classes is grasping the case system. To simplify, think of cases as “markers” that show who is doing what in the sentence. Use example sentences to practice identifying which case is being used and why. Visual aids like color-coded charts can also help you memorize case endings.

Tip 2: Learn by Example German word order can change depending on sentence structure, particularly in subordinate clauses. One effective way to master word order is by reading and repeating common sentence structures. Breaking down sentences into subject, verb, and object components will help you understand the logic behind German syntax.

c. French Grammar: Verb Tenses and Agreement

French grammar is closer to Italian but also presents its own set of challenges, especially when it comes to verb tenses and agreements with adjectives.

Tip 1: Practice Verb Tenses Regularly In French language classes, one of the biggest challenges is mastering all the verb tenses (past, present, future, conditional). Start by focusing on the most commonly used tenses (present, passé composé, and future) before moving on to more advanced ones like the subjunctive.

Tip 2: Master Gender and Number Agreement Like in Italian, French nouns have genders and require agreement with adjectives. Learning the basic rules of gender agreement and practicing with common noun-adjective pairs will help you avoid frequent mistakes. Using visual aids or flashcards to associate words with their correct gender and form will reinforce your understanding.

2. Expanding Vocabulary: Techniques for Building Fluency

Building a robust vocabulary is crucial in any language. Italian language classes, German language classes, and French language classes each present unique challenges in expanding vocabulary, but the strategies for learning new words are similar across all languages.

a. Use a Thematic Approach

One of the most effective ways to learn vocabulary is by grouping words thematically. For example, when learning Italian, start with topics like food, travel, and everyday conversation. In German language classes, you might focus on work, technology, or hobbies. For French language classes, themes like shopping, dining, and travel are particularly useful.

Tip: Incorporate Words Into Your Daily Routine Use the words in sentences or practice with flashcards that show both the word and its use in context. The more you expose yourself to new vocabulary, the faster you’ll retain it. Listening to podcasts, watching movies, or reading news in the language you’re learning is an excellent way to see vocabulary in action.

b. Use Mnemonics and Memory Tricks

Languages like Italian, German, and French all have unique words that may be hard to remember at first. Creating mnemonic devices or memory aids can help solidify these in your mind. For example, when learning Italian, you might associate “amico” (friend) with the English word “amicable” to help you remember its meaning.

Tip: Visualize or Associate New Words Visual learners can benefit from associating new vocabulary with images. For example, when learning the German word “Apfel” (apple), picture an apple and associate it with the word. Similarly, for French vocabulary, creating word associations or using word maps will help you build connections between similar words.

3. Perfecting Pronunciation: Keys to Sounding Fluent

Pronunciation can be one of the trickiest aspects of learning any language, especially if it differs significantly from your native tongue. Whether you’re taking Italian language classes, German language classes, or French language classes, these tips will help you improve your pronunciation and sound more like a native speaker.

a. Italian Pronunciation: Focus on Vowels

Italian is known for its musicality, and much of this comes from its vowel-centric pronunciation. Italian vowels are almost always pronounced clearly and distinctly, which is why learning proper vowel sounds is crucial.

Tip 1: Practice Open and Closed Vowels In Italian language classes, you’ll learn that Italian vowels can be either “open” or “closed,” depending on the word and region. Practice pronouncing vowels slowly and exaggerating their sounds. Listening to native speakers or using language apps that offer pronunciation drills will help refine your accent.

Tip 2: Roll Your Rs One of the defining characteristics of Italian pronunciation is the rolled "r." If you’re struggling with this sound, practice by placing your tongue behind your upper teeth and gently blowing air. Gradually, you’ll be able to roll your Rs like a native.

b. German Pronunciation: Master the Umlauts

German pronunciation is known for its precision, with sounds like "ü," "ö," and "ä" (known as umlauts) that don’t exist in English or Romance languages.

Tip 1: Focus on Umlauts In German language classes, one of the first challenges for beginners is mastering these unfamiliar vowel sounds. Start by listening to native speakers or using language tools that focus on pronunciation. Practice repeatedly with words that contain umlauts, such as “schön” (beautiful) or “Mädchen” (girl).

Tip 2: Practice German Consonants German has certain consonants, like the “ch” in “ich” or “ach,” that are unfamiliar to English speakers. These sounds are produced by placing your tongue close to the roof of your mouth and lightly exhaling. Practicing these consonants out loud will help you develop a more authentic German accent.

c. French Pronunciation: Nasal Sounds and Silent Letters

French is famous for its nasal vowels and silent letters, which can be tricky for beginners. In French language classes, learners often struggle with pronunciation due to these nuances.

Tip 1: Master Nasal Vowels French nasal sounds (as in “bon” or “pain”) are produced by pushing air through your nose. Practice these sounds by exaggerating the nasal part at first, then gradually tone it down until it feels natural.

Tip 2: Silent Letters Many French words contain silent letters, particularly at the end of words. For example, the “t” in “chat” (cat) is silent, as is the “x” in “deux” (two). Make a habit of listening carefully to native speakers to understand when and where silent letters occur, and practice pronouncing words without emphasizing these letters.

4. Staying Consistent and Motivated

Consistency is key when learning a language. Whether you're working through Italian language classes, German language classes, or French language classes, setting aside regular study time and staying motivated is essential for progress.

Tip: Set Achievable Goals Break down your language-learning journey into small, manageable goals. For example, aim to learn five new words a day or practice grammar for 20 minutes. Celebrate small wins to keep yourself motivated along the way.

Conclusion

Learning a new language like Italian, German, or French is both challenging and rewarding. By mastering grammar, expanding your vocabulary, and perfecting your pronunciation, you’ll be well on your way to fluency. Whether you're taking Italian language classes, German language classes, or French language classes, use these tips to overcome common obstacles and make steady progress on your language-learning journey. With dedication and the right strategies, you’ll be able to communicate confidently in any of these beautiful languages.

[spanishskulduggery]

¡Hola!

¿Por qué hoy en día la forma de “-ara” de subjuntivo del pasado/imperfecto del subjuntivo es más popular/común que la de “-ase/-ese”? ¿O solo me parece más popular porque del tipo del español que uso/veo/leo etc?

Forgive the English response here it's that there's a lot of grammar and a historical tangent and I didn't want to lose you

In general - for modern Spanish -are/-era endings are more common for Latin America for the imperfect subjunctive. And -ase/-ese endings are more commonly used in Spain

It's why both forms are recognized as official and correct, it's mostly a regional thing now with some small exceptions

-

Now the historical tangent. Before haber was used with the perfect tenses, it was used like tener "to have" which is why haber looks so close to the verbs for "to have" in Western languages - avere, avoir, haben etc.

And so pluperfect [that is, past perfect used with an imperfect form of haber + past participle; e.g. había hablado "I had spoken"] was done with the -ara/-era forms at first with imperfect subjunctive being -ase/-ese and the future subjunctive was still in use [which looks like -are/-ere like you might see fuere used every so often as "would be" or "were to be" in future subjunctive]

...

In other words, if you were looking at more Medieval Spanish or Spanish set in fantasy settings, you would be more likely to see something like hablara as "had spoken", comiera "had eaten", viviera "had eaten"

Instead of modern day Spanish using había hablado/comido/vivido

Things set in Medieval times sort of do this; it's a bit like when an English-speaker starts using "thou" to make it sound Shakespearean

-

When the future subjunctive became obsolete, and when pluperfect became haber + past participle, things sort of merged

Which is to say that imperfect subjunctive [which would have meant "past subjunctive"] merged with future subjunctive [which became obsolete], and that's why imperfect subjunctive today can be either

Or, in other words, quería que pusiera la mesa "I wanted you to set the table" is a subjunctive expression about the past [imperfect subjunctive]

And then si fuera/fuese rico/a "if I were rich" is a more future-ish contrary to fact hypothetical and that would have been more in the realm of future subjunctive

-

My general experience is that both are fine, the -ase/-ese endings are more common for Spain - like if I saw si fuese rico/a I would assume Spain

But this is very similar to how English uses "was/were" for subjunctive even though they are technically different

Like "if I was rich" and "if I were rich" equal the same thing, but "was" is generally past tense, and "were" here is a future subjunctive [though the conjugation also appears in past tense - in German it would read more like war past tense vs wäre imperfect subjunctive and that's how you get "was" and "were"]

...

And tbh even Spanish-speakers have issues with the imperfect subjunctive and which to choose. Just like English sometimes there's variation that is considered correct and acceptable but isn't the standard you see

Overall, I would say the -ara/-era endings are going to be more common unless you're in Spain or reading older Spanish works

[ingoampt]

Future perfect Tense - Day 29

Mastering Futur II: A Guide to German Future Perfect Tense Mastering Futur II: A Guide to German Future Perfect Tense As discussed earlier, Futur II is the tense used to express an action that will have been completed by a certain time in the future. It’s particularly useful when you’re talking about things like deadlines, assumptions about past actions, or completed future obligations. Recap of…

[be-gone-procrastination]

I hope I’m not the only one who found themselves incredibly confused while learning a second language, when my teachers would describe english tenses with incredibly complicated names for the sake of teaching them in the second language, but I never really grasped the concept in english first. well, this may or may not help, but i’ve made a list of tenses that exist in english and likely in other languages too (i’m looking at you german) so feel free to bookmark this and come back to it when you’re lost.

Present (I walk)

Present continuous (I am walking)

Perfect - present (I have walked)

Perfect - past (I had walked)

Perfect continuous - present (I have been walking)

Perfect continuous - past (I had been walking)

Imperfect (I walked)

Imperfect continuous (I was walking)

Future (I will walk)

Future continuous (I will be walking)

Future perfect (I will have walked)

Future perfect continuous (I will have been walking)

Zero conditional (If it is sunny, I walk)

First conditional (If it is sunny, I will walk)

Second conditional (If it was sunny, I would walk)

Third conditional (If it had been sunny, I would have walked)

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Choose Me Instead II Draco Malfoy x Reader II Ch. 23 of 27: Promises

Summary: Pretending to be in a relationship with Draco Malfoy to get back at your ex might have not been the smartest idea you ever had. Especially during your last year of Hogwarts where you should be focusing on exams and your future plans. However, you were just pretending. There was no way in hell you could actually catch feelings for someone like Malfoy. … Right?

CHOOSE ME INSTEAD MASTERLIST

A/N: I’m back! Most of my exams are done and I’m finally back with a new chapter. Before you read it, I recommend rereading Chapter 22. It’ll be easier to understand this chapter. Short reminder: in the german version of the books, “Narcissa” is spelled “Narzissa”. So please don’t be confused about the spelling. Have fun! <3

CHAPTER 22

Words: 3.4k Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Reader, post war Warnings: angst, smut

He appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

For days, you had avoided him. Sat as far away as possible from him in class, stayed close to Ginny and Hermione, didn’t give him a chance to even approach you. And now, way past curfew you met him on a random hallway near the library.

The sight of him made your heart jump. His eyes widened. The two of you stood in front of each other, quietly waiting for the other to make a move. You took all of him in and tried your best not to wince when you realized how sickly he looked. It was your fault.

Draco spoke first. “What are you doing here?” His voice was strained.

You hadn’t heard his voice in what felt like weeks and you took a moment to process it. “Owlery,” you said finally. “I was on my way to the Owlery. I need to send a letter to my parents.”

He nodded. “I heard what happened. I’m sorry.”

You looked down. It was strangely comforting to hear it. “I know.” You wanted to say more but no words came to mind. None that would fit your current situation anyways. “I should leave,” you mumbled and straightened your back. When you walked past him, you smelt a whiff of his cologne and held your breath. You didn’t dare to look at him and resumed your way towards the Owlery.

“We need to talk.”

He had raised his voice and the words echoed in the dark hallway. You hesitated. “Draco …” Then you shook your head. “No.”

“Y/N, you owe me.” You heard his footsteps. “You owe me an explanation.”

It was then that you finally turned around. “I gave you one.”

Draco scoffed. “You gave me shit.”

“I gave you what you deserve,” you shot back. Each word struggled to come out. Lies, so many lies. “I told you, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with you. We took this too far.”

You didn’t look him in the eyes but there was no reason to. The pain in his voice showed you that the words had their desired effect: “I still don’t believe you.”

“That’s not my problem,” you said. All the exhaustion from the past week suddenly rushed back and you felt your eyes beginning to burn. You wiped over your face, trying to keep your composure. “Draco,” you began and then you noticed something in his hand. An all too familiar bottle. Ginny had the same one on her nightstand. “What –”

Draco smiled bitterly and held up the sleeping medicine. “Thanks to you.”

“Screw you, Malfoy.” You turned around and left.

 “You have to eat something,” Ginny gently touched your shoulder and you pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulder. She sighed but her hand stayed on your skin, warmth radiating from it. “Please, you have barely –”

“I’m not hungry.” You cleared your throat. It felt so raspy. Speaking hurt.

“Come on, Y/N,” Ginny tried again. “It’s still early. If we leave now, no one will even see us. You don’t even have to get dressed. You can go in your pajamas.” You heard the smile in her voice. “How much fun would that be.”

A smile tugged on your lips but you couldn’t bring yourself to move a muscle. You were tired. So tired.

 “Oh, so we’re using last names again?” Draco followed you down the hallway with long strides. “Fine, Y/L/N.”

Your face burned, not with anger but with shame. His nightmares had returned and it was all your fault. The rational part of your brain told you that you weren’t responsible for his suffering. The break up was merely one tiny puzzle piece, one tiny thing that added up to all the drama and hurt in his life, but still it could have been avoided. The pure knowledge of that drowned out that part of your brain. And what was even worse – you couldn’t change it now. Couldn’t help him. Not now. Not ever.

“What do you want from me?”, the coldness in your voice frightened yourself.

“What I want from you?”, Draco sneered behind you. “I want you to stop lying!”

 Astoria was gorgeous. You had noticed it before but now you saw her in an entirely different light. When bitter words spilled out of you, a desperate attempt to cut through her skin and into her heart, her expression changed but her beauty stayed.

Their wedding photos will be on the front page of The Daily Prophet, you realized and the thought flipped your stomach. She’ll look perfect and happy and he … will he smile?

 You whirled around and nearly bumped into him. “When will you get this into your head, Malfoy? I’m not lying to you!” Every word was accompanied by a tap of your finger against his chest. Draco caught your wrist and held it still. It was unexpected and his tight grip hurt. You let out a sharp hiss.

“Merlin, when will you ever stop this charade?” Draco stared at you. The disgust in his eyes send shivers down his spine. You had seen this look before on him but it had never been directed at you. “All you ever do is lie! You lie to your parents, your friends, everyone who you say means something to you receives nothing from you except lies and deceptions. It seems to be the only thing you’re truly good at, the only thing that –”

“Shut up!”, you shrieked. You tried to pull away from him but he held tightly on to your wrist.

 You read the letter over and over and over until you memorized every last word of it. Your fathers handwriting was shaky, stretched letters, barely readable as if he wrote them in a hurry. Lines were smeared, dots missing, such a strange contrast to the neatly put-together man.

They found Alissa. Your sister. She was alive and well, hiding out in Southern Germany with two other Death Eaters that fled the country after the Battle of Hogwarts. They changed their appearances and names and got low-paying jobs in local muggle stores. You almost snorted when you read it. Your sister, the same one who believed muggles should be enslaved, now served them? Oh, what bitter irony this life kept in store for us.

Two days after the letter reached you, her face appeared on The Daily Prophet. You let out a sharp breath. It’s been years since you had last seen her face and time had not been treating her kindly. Sunken cheeks and hair that hung down in greasy strands – your hands started to shake. There was barely any resemblance between the woman that stared at you with blank eyes and the sister you grew up with.

“LAST DEATH EATERS FINALLY FOUND”, the headline said. You skimmed over the words but folded the newspaper and put it away once they got to a gruesome retelling of the Cleansing of Edinburgh.

Narzissa had kept her promise and you hated her for it.

You felt the stares of your classmates burning holes into your cloak and Hermione reached for your hand to squeeze it tightly. When you looked up however, your eyes were drawn to him.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression on his face. You wondered if he knew. If he had figured it out.

 Tears burned in your eyes. He’s right, you thought, he’s right about all of it. Draco abruptly turned his head; a clanking sound was heard at the end of the hallway. You barely noticed it.

“I have to stay away from you,” you whispered and he looked back at you. “Why can’t I stay away from you?” Your voice broke.

“You know why,” Draco replied. “It’s why my nightmares returned too.”

“Draco …” His name rolling from your tongue – it felt so right.

“We need one another.” He came closer. “We … whatever it was that we had, it worked.”

You let out a shuddering breath. “It didn’t.”

His gaze hardened again. “Stop fucking lying,” he hissed and suddenly, he let go of your hand and pressed you up against the wall. You yelped.

“Stop forcing something that isn’t there.” He was close, so damn close. “You have a wild imagination, Malfoy.”

He scoffed. “Look at me and say this again.” He grabbed you by your chin and forced you to look at him. “I said, look at me,” he growled. “Tell me it was all in my imagination. Every word, every touch, every confession late at night,” he glared at you. “Tell me, it meant nothing. Tell me, you didn’t feel it. Tell me, you don’t still dream of me. That you don’t long for my hands on your body, for the way my lips made you scream my name.”

His face was only inches away from yours. His smell was intoxicating; you could barely concentrate. The touch of his hand burned through your clothes. Naturally, instinctively, your hips rolled against his. His eyes glistened at the movement. “Look me in the eyes and tell me, it was all part of my imagination.”

You stared at him and with every passing second, you drowned in the grey of his eyes, drowned in the storm of them. “I hate you.” 

When your lips met, lightning struck.

“What are you reading?”

Theo and Blaise dropped down onto the grass and startled you.

“Potions,” you replied and Blaise raised his eyebrows at your obvious lie. You had made no attempt to hide the letter that laid on top of your potions textbook. Suddenly, you tensed up, remembering the last time when the boys came to look for you. “Is everything okay with him?”

“With whom?”, Blaise asked.

“Draco, idiot.” Theo rolled his eyes. “He’s … fine,” he then said.

“More or less,” Blaise mumbled and the two of you glared at him.

“We came to give you this.” Theo stretched out his arm, holding a piece of paper. You took it. An unfamiliar name and address was written in Theo’s sloppy handwriting. You looked at him, visibly confused.

“She can help you with your sister,” Theo said. You blinked.

“The trial,” Blaise explained. “My mother knows her and she helped in quite a few Death Eater trials so far.”

You read the name again, wondering how you had never heard of that woman. “Death Eaters belong in Azkaban,” you finally stated. “My sister is no exception.” The words burned in your throat.

The boys sighed. “A lifetime in Azkaban will not help her. People like your sister need a chance of rehabilitation,” Theo said.

“Do they?”, you asked with furrowed brows.

“After a considerable amount of time spent in Azkaban,” Blaise added. “Don’t get us wrong, she needs to be punished. Obviously. But prison alone will not help her change her world views. 

For the first time, you realized how little you knew about the two Slytherins. You had heard of Blaise’s mother, a woman who was famous for her many marriages. And you remembered the day, Theo’s father escaped Azkaban. But you knew nothing beyond that. You wondered how much pain and heartbreak these two young men carried inside their hearts.

It felt right.

He felt right. His lips against yours, his tongue in your mouth, his hands grabbing you roughly. There was nothing sweet about this kiss. Nothing loving or calm. You felt his desperation in the way his hands teared at your blouse, felt his pain when he guided you to the nearest door in the hallway.

It was an unlocked classroom and the two of you didn’t break the kiss when you stumbled inside of it. He closed the door with his foot before lifting you up on a table. You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer. His lips traveled down to your neck and you threw your head back as he began to suck on the skin. A whimper escaped you when his teeth scraped against your skin.

Draco’s hands moved quickly. As if he had whispered a spell, the buttons on your blouse sprung open. You moaned softly when his hands explored your body like he’d do so for the first time. Flashbacks from your first night flooded your mind and for a moment, you were back in the hotel room. The memories mixed together with your current reality and you could no longer differentiate between the two. You whimpered at the way, Draco caressed you, pulled you into hungry kisses and when his fingers sunk inside of you, you almost screamed.

Draco knew by now which buttons to press to turn you into a whimpering, begging mess. You held on to him, your fingers clawing in his back, knowing you’d leave him with red streaks all over it. He pumped into you, while whispering in your ear. His thumb flickered over your clit and your breath grew more and more erratic.

An ache had begun to form in your stomach, growing stronger and stronger, and you begged for him not to stop. He chuckled and his hot breath against your cheek combined, made you moan his name.

“Come for me,” he growled. “Come for me, I want to hear you scream my name.”

You obeyed him.

You watched him during Potions. He sat next to Theo and the two boys worked quietly on their assignment. Draco’s fingers moved with precision and ease, cutting the ingredients, mixing them in. From time to time, he read over the instructions, his brows furrowing slightly. He showed no sign of uncertainty and when Slughorn walked past him, the professor nodded contently.

The scene reminded you of the beginning of this school year when you had to work together for the first time. After he rescued you from Ron’s insults. “I don’t ever need you to come to my rescue,” you had snarled at him and Draco’s response was to flirt with you during class. How confused you had been during those weeks. How utterly irritated when you had to admit to yourself that Draco Malfoy was not the one dimensional asshole you had always wanted him to be. Oh, how you wanted to go back in time to this exact moment.

“You’re staring at him again,” Hermione said.

Your eyes dropped down to the cauldron again as you kept stirring it. You felt the worried look of your friend but were too exhausted to say something back to her.

A few minutes later, you looked up again. Draco had stopped working. His hands still held a knife. A root remained untouched on the table. When your eyes met, his flickered with pain. You held your breath. What would happen if you just went over to him? Then Theo touched his arm and Draco turned to him, breaking the moment.

Draco didn’t give you a chance to calm down and catch your breath. You still rode out the last waves of your orgasm when you felt him pressed against your folds, hard and dripping. He pulled you into a hard kiss and entered you in one swift movement, stretching you in an almost painful way.

“Fuck,” he groaned and you bit down his lip. You moaned when he began to move, equally rough and desperate to the way he kissed you before.

“I love you,” you heard him mumble. “I love you so fucking much, I hate you for making me feel this way.” He thrusted into you relentlessly. You arched your back and his hands gripped you so tightly, you were scared it’d leave bruises in the morning.

You mumbled something against his lips but didn’t know whether it was a curse or a confession, all you felt was the way he pounded into you. Each thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge. You felt the sensation in your stomach growing stronger and stronger. Draco grabbed you by the neck and your eyes fluttered open. When they met his, you moaned at the lust in them and they darkened. Your legs started shaking; he knew you were close.

“You want to come again?”, he groaned.

“Yes, please,” you replied and he smirked; a smirk that sent shivers down your spine. Gods, how you had missed this expression on his face. You knew that in the years to come, you’d dream of the sight of him – like this, sweaty and wanting and desperate for your walls to clench around his cock.

“Then come for me,” he hissed. You let go and pleasure followed immediately. It washed over you and you were certain you blacked out there for a second. Your legs started shaking uncontrollably and you came with his name on your lips.

Draco followed shortly after. His hips stuttered and with a silent curse, he released himself inside of you.

 ***

It was quiet. Draco had his hands behind his head as you rested your head on his chest. Your cloaks protected the two of you against the coldness radiating from the stones. His eyes were open, his mind restless.

Your fingers traced over his side and he shuddered at the soft touch. “I’m sorry,” you said, disturbing the peace. “I’m sorry, I can’t give you the answers you deserve.”

Draco swallowed. A few days ago, you had shattered his heart in the blink of an eye. But now, the fleeting touch of your fingertips mended it back together. Deep down, he sensed that it was only a temporary fix however. A tiny bandage on an open wound that would never stop bleeding – but he’d bleed out willingly if it meant he could hold you in his arms a little while longer.

“I would burn down the world for you,” Draco whispered. “I would hunt down whoever hurt you, if you’d only allow me. You hold my heart in your hands.”

You raised your head. A single tear rolled down your cheek and Draco reached to wipe it away. “I love you.”

Draco let out a shuddering breath. He had imagined a thousand different scenarios in which you confessed to him. In none of them did they feel like a dagger plunged in your heart.

“What I said that night was a lie.”

“I know.” He smiled sadly. “Allow me to love you back. Please.”

“No.” You shook your head. “I can’t.”

Draco sighed in frustration and stared back at the ceiling.

“Promise me to let this go.”

He scoffed. “I can’t let go of you.”

“Yes.” You sat up next to him. “Yes, you can. You must. Promise me.”

He looked at you. Merlin, how beautiful you were.

“If you truly love me, you will promise me and you will honor your promise.”

“You’re unfair,” he said softly.

“Slytherin blood runs through me.”

Draco chuckled. You leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips. “Draco, please.”

He promised.

 ***

Draco stared at the ring in his hands. A golden band with an emerald, encircled by diamonds. A stunning, timeless piece that belonged to his grandmother and would look beautiful on Astoria’s petite fingers.

His eyes flickered to the nightstand. The bag of candy from the weekend in Hogsmeade was almost empty. Two pieces remained. He didn’t touch them, couldn’t bring himself to eat them. When he did, there would be nothing left of you. There would be no physical reminder that you ever shared a part of his life. No photos of the two of you together, no notes, no forgotten T-Shirt or hair pins in his dorm. You had come into and vanished from his life without a single trace.

Draco gritted his teeth when the familiar emptiness began to rise inside of him. He looked back at the ring. It’d suit you. Green was your colour, Draco was sure of it. The time you wore his scarf proved it.

“It’s not too late yet.” Theo sat on his bed, arms crossed in front of his chest as he watched his friend. “You don’t have to do this. Contrary to your belief, you do have a choice.”

Draco closed his eyes. For a split second, he saw you and him, in the manor, laughing about something his mother had said. He saw you, barely covered by satin sheets, the morning sun hitting your face. He saw vacations, candlelight dinners, celebrations, your favorite flowers on the kitchen table, a shared closet, candy from Honeydukes. He saw happiness.

Draco opened his eyes and looked at Theo. “You know where Astoria is?”

***

CHAPTER 24

Choose Me Instead Masterlist Harry Potter Masterlist

The Tag list for this fic is closed!

Tag List (Part 1): @writerdee1701, @youareinllve, @sjmahoney, @detroitobsessed, @takura-rin, @jadam268, @wynterwind, @mina672, @renaissance-confiance, harpoon999, @doitforthevine67, @rinasrights, @flowerpowerpixie, @gold-flowing, @starkssnarks, @bookcornerkins, @harpersmariano, @markedsweetly, @iraniq, @pointlesscoconut, @hvrcruxes, @pillowjj, @idkatee, @jungjxxhyun, @magicwithaknife, @graystherapy, @sophia-gwendolyn, @nxstalgicnxbxdy, @sunsetsofanemoia, @s4dthrills, @tommy-holland, @lordfxxker, @streetfighterrichie, @awaken-the-sirens, @destiels-assbutt13, @pockitparks, @just-addicted-to-bangtan, @cuddlykoala101, @zpandaqueen, @marvelpeters, @natsiboo, @jjjmaybank, @justmesadgirl, @books-and-tings, @slytherinprincedracom, @katiaw2, @saintkore, @nctnight, @lifestragedy, @obxmxybxnk, @spideydobik, @ladylizzieofdarbyshire, @aspiring-ginger, @dracomalfoyswifey, @jpow345, @realistic-breadstick, @h-annahayy, @abbs-is-tired, @alwaysbeanunknownfan, @niallsarmveinstho, @is-this-a-febreze-commercial, @acciowilltolive, @spideysmcu, @sexytholland, @faangirl101, @donttellany1iusetumbler, @mendesmuffinsss, @lilxnvm, @kill-the-teen-memories, @darkusangelus, @p0gue420, @itsbebeyyy, @hesaidimcrazy, @jenniweaslee, @hpxpjo, @brisbubble, @xomaymay, @shitnstuffillregret, @serialkillme, @angel-tears15, @panicattheeverywherekid, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @disgraceisonfire, @nobleking, @tashii-blr, @ddaeing, @randogirlo-fando-main @sadgirlnumber92899, @captivateing, @bitchyegirl, @smiithys, @ninipoo1, @intheawks, @cherrylita, @nothanksnyla, @calpal-4ever, @dracosathenaeum, @belsandthings, @lifeasdreamgirl, @kiwi-sloan, @xdmx, @allaboutthatdrummer, @kvyenxay, @live-awkward, @babebenhardy, @bitchysweets-blog, @cravingmusic, @frau-moon, @ohissandhalasta, @noravirginia1994, @broken-but-beautiful-cassie, @lil-black-heart, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, 

[thirteen-jades]

So I sorted out cases. There's four of them, and they're basically copied from German cases so that if I ever try to learn German again, I won't have so much trouble with cases. I'm not including gendered articles and whatnot because that's stupid, but I did decide to do declensions with the article instead of the noun itself:

(All conlang text in these pictures is IPA)

This immediately helped me understand German sentence structure much better, which was really confusing to me in the past. I tried writing out a sentence a few different ways and found that it basically doesn't matter what order you put the words in, the meaning of all four of these sentences is unambiguously the same for each one:

This is because the articles indicate which word is the subject, object, and direct object, so you don't need to rely on word order conventions. Previously I'd been planning to have pronouns remain the same in all cases, but I don't think that'll work with the inconsistent sentence structure very well. I could always just enforce a sentence structure anyway and that way I wouldn't need to modify the pronouns for each case, but I like the flexible sentence structure so I think I'll keep that and just add pronoun declensions.

These sentences also incorporate tense, but don't really highlight the system I came up with for those very well on their own. I'll probably add some more complicated things like past perfect and whatnot later, but for now there are basically 6-8 tenses. Future tense is denoted by adding the suffix "–to" to the end of a verb, and past tense by "–ta". You can refer to a more distant future or past by stacking the suffixes, with "–toto" referring to "the future's future" and "–tata" as "the past's past ". And then there's "–tatata", which is essentially this setting/culture's equivalent of "antediluvian". You can add yet more suffixes to indicate even greater lengths of time, but beyond those listed above the rest are mainly used for comedic effect. If you wanted to say someone was really old you might add 4 or 5 ta's in a row, sort of like calling them "prehistoric".

I'm tempted to do things like past perfect by just combining "–to" and "–ta", now that I think about it. "–tota" could mean something like "in the future's past".

It was really cool being able to actually write out complete (if simple) sentences! Really nice to see the language coming along like this. Feels like I'm making real progress! And it's just fun to finally see what this language looks and sounds like. I want to invent an alphabet eventually, but for now IPA is substantially easier for me to work with.

The conlang's lexicon has now surpassed 200 words, and some basic grammar rules have been figured out. I'll post more about it tomorrow if I remember, but it can now be used to write basic sentences!