#People are so gender about babies. And you have to stand there listening to everything their man is not doing

[diehellasrache]

How is baby shower winning... Ten minutes is one thousand words, roughly. I could say one thousand words about cooking eggs or trimming my toenails. I could read one single chapter of a fanfiction. 3.5 hours of strange people talking about babies!!!!! One thousand impressive STRANGERS I'm never seeing these fuckers again who even cares???? Other people are unknowable, or at least 51.4 percent of you are

[dumbgoondog]

Nsfw alphabet of uraume sounds insanely good. I hope you write for them soon!

Hell yeah it does! Wanted to do this sooner tbh

Cw/Tw - Gender dysphoria, impact play, hate fucking

Uraume NSFW Alphabet

(A)ftercare - Very Affectionate, lots of praise, getting a shower ready before any fluids frost and you both get colds. They’re super sweet and gentle like the first snow of the year. Snow is powerful but beautiful and soft too.

(B)ody Part - hands! They love holding your hand, it’s warm! They like making it just a bit colder so they can say “let’s hold hands to keep warm.” It’s cheesy but they love it!

(C)um - No preference, they do like seeing it on you though! Even if they don’t care for things being messy, they like seeing you messy for them.

(D)irty Secret - It’s not a dirty secret, but rather a surprise. They’re a hard dom. In charge and in control no matter the position or activity. The servant of Ryomen Sukuna who’s such an obedient dog is actually a hard dom??? Who knew?

(E)xperience - Once. A one night stand. Back in the heian era. It was more of hate fucking, with a star squad member. Then that’s about it!

(F)avorite Position - you kneeling as they lean on the kitchen counter and face fuck you! Yeah, that’s the good stuff.

(G)oofy - no. I’m so sorry, they aren’t silly like that! Other ways tho? Yeah they goofy with you and Sukuna only, but not durin sex

(H)air - yes, they got a white patch, trimmed and groomed and that plum color around the base. Smells amazing!

(I)ntimacy - As sadistic as they are they’re also very intimate, they like to lay boundaries first, have many safe words of different varieties, talk about what terms are okay to use. Where it’s okay to do things, who it’s okay to do it in front of. They’re gonna know everything before anything so you’ll always be satisfied, safe, happy, everything!

(J)ack off - once a week. It’s a little ritual, that to everyone else they think it’s some secret art of jujustu to hone and control their technique better. In truth they go lock themself in their room and work one out to relieve the stress of the week away

(K)ink - Okay, now hear me out, free use. I’m talking having you tied up and stuck in a wall or box or something, and then they get to use you freely and let others get a go at you too. The whole time they’re just sitting watching you watching people use you too. Then they get to take care of you after, and they LOVE that.

(L)ocation - The bed, a classic, but it’s safe for them and you! There’s nothing special about tho, they just like it!

(M)otivation - Playing innocent while teasing them. Whaaaaat? You totally weren’t grinding against them as you scooted by. You’re in public!

(N)o - himbo/bimbofication, forced masc/femme, they don’t want it. Dysphoria inducing and it’s just mildly gross to them. They cannot explain why it’s gross but it is.

(O)ral - give them oral. Please. Watch them become so messy. They’re dominating you still but it’s messier now, a little more wild. Kiss their tip and listen to them just moan.

(P)ace - nice and steady, not to rough or fast, but they start slow and slowly build up pace.

(Q)uicky - oh yeah! Ohhh yeeeaaahhhh!!!! Jerk them off!!! Please!!! It’s the closest they get to being submissive honestly, right before they have to serve Sukuna’s feast and you’re working them through one real quick? Oh yeah, that’s the shit. Not like full sex tho, just hands and mouth!

(R)isk - hhhh. Depends… they’re picky. Somethings they’re into but only for very specific parts of it. Like breeding! They like saying they’re gonna knock you up and cumming inside but they’re super infertile and do NOT want a baby or kids at all.

(S)tamina - decent! They can go a good bit but they’re done once they cum. They always try to make sure you get to cum at least once tho!

(T)oys - yeah! Crop whip and cages are a favorite <3 I’ll leave it at that

(U)nfair - VERY. Tease you all day and then NOTHING. No touching, no sex, nothing. They take No nut November so seriously, and they will punish you so hard if you cum in November. I’m kinda joking, it’s just comparisons honestly

(V)olume - not loud. Very low and quiet huffy breaths, pants, hisses. They’re very well put together.

(W)ild Card - okay this one is fluff. THEY LOVE POKÉMON. Totally not cuz I’ve been a slut on cobblemon(mc mod) for the past week. They love Pokémon tho and are not like a competitive play but they’re the “this is the idiot I got attached to in the first game I ever played so I get one in every game. I don’t care that they aren’t good or viable competitively, it’s my dumb idiot baby guy.”

(X)-ray - None. Okay ancient Japan did NOT have underwear, not really. Underwear is apparently something from Greece and Egypt?? Loincloth is technically underwear but different, and the fundoshi was not big common outside specific groups… also you aren’t supposed to wear anything under a kimono! Fun facts I’m learning!

(Y)es - something vanilla and just soft! Surprise! A multidimensional character fan portrayal woah! Honestly I want to see more people acknowledge that not every time that people have sex it’s not always “ooooh I’m hard daddy dom and you’re my little bratty sub oooooh” anyway tho, Uraume likes being softer with you more often than doing constant dom and sub dynamics.

(Z)zz - Not often. Not really… they just aren’t the napping type of person, if it’s right before going to sleep tho? Then absolutely!

Bonus fun fact - while typing this, I mis-clicked and typed 📀 twelves times.

[dean-a-mean-tae]

Take A Rest

Request

PAIRINGS: Poly SKZ x Gender Neutral Reader WARNINGS: Shitty managers and fans. Mention of a creepy band member. Lack of communication which leads to last minute solutions. Male reader requested but I don't think there's any reference to the reader's gender. I think that's it.

Everything had gone to shit. The venue, missing band members, last-minute replacements, and a ton of other issues. All of them were swept under the rug by your manager, Tony, until the day of the concert.

The venue didn't have enough seats. The replacements for your missing band members didn't know the songs. Your lead guitarist and drummer weren't there. Tony decided he didn't want to tell you that the props were broken.

Your drummer got sick after being overwhelmed with stress from practice and her finals. Your lead guitarist said something about having a baby, but you knew that was a lie. That man has been a creepy virgin since you've known him.

Some fans didn't understand the stress you were under. With a recent flux in fans, the demand for a full album instead of songs was higher than ever. And with love comes hate. 

No matter what you did. More music, less music, or different genres of music. Everyone still felt the need to put their 2¢ in where it wasn't needed.

Fortunately, those who attended the concert were understanding of the current situation. None of the issues happening were under your control.

"Remember when I told you all that communication is the key to almost everything?" 

The crowd's screams of agreement echoed in your ears. Every outro on a video, a concert, a fan sign, or other event you exit with a similar speech and farewell; a signature in your fanbase. 

"It appears my manager didn't listen and failed to communicate," You sighed in disappointment. The crowd's mummers of irritation quiet down when you raise your hand to continue. "Nothing is prepared. And I know you paid money to see me and the guys perform."

"This time the concert will be a bit like a fan event-" You wave at those sitting closer to the stage and they scream greetings back. "When we reschedule a concert for you guys, and I'll make sure they do, you can see me perform." 

"How's that sound?" Your grin is showcased on the big screens behind you. Everyone cheers and the impromptu fan event begins.

With a sigh of relief, you walked off stage with the sound of people laughing and cheering ringing in your ears. Your manager was talking with one of the staff, waving his arm around as he shouted at them. With a tearful nod, the staff member left and disappeared into one of the rooms.

Tony followed the girl with his eyes before turning to look at your approaching figure. He glared at you from behind his iPad. "What's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong?" You scoffed, moving past him and into your dressing room. 

You're greeted by your boyfriends scattered around the room. Hyunjin, Felix, and Changbin sit on the couch watching edits of you in your recent music video. Jisung chases Jeongin around the room, narrowly avoiding Seungmin and Minho from their spots on the floor.

Chris is the only one who stands from his spot in your chair to greet you. He catches you as you flop into his arms. Before Chris can speak, your manager busts in and calls you back out.

"Since you want to give away free tickets, you can help schedule them into another concert," Tony grins, a malicious glint in his eyes. 

You need to nap and then find a new manager.

Even in bed, your shoulders were tense and your brain was in overdrive. Thinking of the damage last night's not-concert has, and will, cause. Helping your team to comb through each person who attended the event so you could squeeze them into another concert at a later date. The scolding your manager gave you wasn't helpful.

Tangled in the sheets and limbs belonging to your lovers, their scents pressed into the covers. You were warm and so very, very tired with a sprinkle of guilt seeping in. This was supposed to feel nice. It was supposed to help ease you. 

But why couldn't you relax?

"When are you going to let someone take care of you?" Chris asked, wrapping the curls on Y/N's head in a scarf and bonnet. "It doesn't have to be one of us or someone we know."

"Just let someone in." Hyunjin's hands were warm against Y/N's cold face. His plump lips press butterfly kisses against your eyelids, forehead, and temples.

With Changbin and Hyunjin calling dibs on your sides and Chris laying you between his legs, so your head pressed against his stomach. You're pretty sure Seungmin is asleep, curled onto your legs with his hands gripping your calf. 

Jeongin is sprawled behind Hyunjin with his arm over Hyunjin, and hand on your chest, over your heart. 

Felix and Jisung were somewhere in the dorm causing chaos in the kitchen with Minho supervising. You could hear Jisung yelling at the pots for burning him, Felix's laugh, and Minho shouting about melted plastic.

You'll probably have to clean the kitchen at some point.

"For once, just relax and let someone care for you. Please," Changbin whispered with arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

"Don't hog him," Jeongin whined, pulling you back into his and Hyunjin's arms. 

Changbin grumbled as he yanked you back giving a chain reaction of Hyunjin and Jeongin pulling you and Changbin fighting for you to stay in his arms. Poor Chris with him latched onto you, he was tugged in every direction with you.

So, this is what the rope felt like in tug-of-war.

"You need to go to bed," Minho's voice comes from the doorway and everyone's heads turn in sync. He stands in the doorway with his hands on his hips, Jisung and Felix peeking around his shoulders.

"Who?" You ask.

"All of us," Minho answers, carefully curling up in an empty spot on the bed. 

Minho's attempts not to wake the sleeping boy are futile as Jisung dives onto the bed. He sandwiches himself between Changbin and your side, scaring Seungmin awake. He grumbles as he adjusts himself and falls back asleep.

Felix lingers at the end of the bed, looking for a spot to sleep. The moon shines on his milky skin and his eyes reflect the light. You turn so your back presses against Chan's chest, and Seungmin huffs as he turns away from you and tucks his face into Minho's neck. Felix was lying atop you amidst the commotion.

"Go to sleep, Y/N."

You hum, your eyes slipping close. It's warm. It's peaceful.

©️DEANAMEANTAE2024

[alientee]

Mauga Head cannons

Just some headcannons about our big guy MAUGALOA MALOSI! Gender neutral reader ~

He loves it when you run your hands through his hair like 100% will growl if you rub the right spot.

Will smack your ass in public no question. Loves it even more if you smack his ass back. Entertain his foolishness it hypes him up. When you both are out and walking he will put his hands in your back pocket if your wearing jeans, he expects you to do the same.

He doesn’t get jealous but he lets others know they don’t stand a chance. Anytime you guys are out at a bar and he sits you on his lap he smirks when he sees people staring but if someone stares at you for to long or try’s to make a advance he’s shoving his tongue down your throat and he doesn’t care who’s watching or if anyones uncomfortable.

Big on spoiling you. Anything you look at with interest he wants to get it for you. You’re his and it’s his job to make sure you have everything you want. Clothes, jewelry, food, liquor, collectibles, electronics. Anything you want he’d give you, sometimes you have to tell him to calm it down, that he doesn’t need to buy you everything you find interesting hoping he’d listen. He does not.

He most definitely buys lingerie and toys for you. If you come home and find it on your bed you’re wearing it that night. And if lingerie’s not your thing he prefers you naked anyway.

Melts when you spoil him in return. If you’re cooking for him he comes up behind you and holds your waist watching you even when you tell him to relax and sit. You buy him something he’s wearing it showing it off with pride. You pack his lunch and clean off his guns before a mission he kisses your face repeatedly until you remind him he’s gonna be late. He’s got a drawer for all the headbands you get him.

Bath time is always hectic. He’s so large so you have to get a big tub. Acts like a big baby when you both bathe together, he wants you to wash his hair and scrub his back. He splashes water on you if you say you don’t feel like it. He gets water EVERYWHERE without even trying. Showering together isn’t any better because he always wants to get dirty instead of getting clean if ya know what I mean.

Likes it when you get feisty with him. He even upsets you on purpose sometimes to get you riled up. You can get him to calm down when he’s angry but when you’re angry he wants to see how far you’ll take it.

Gets you guys matching shark slippers in all colors. Buys you diffrent turtle plushies too. Your beds full of em.

If you play video games with him be prepared. He’s competitive and will rub in in your face when he wins. If you win he’s gonna pout. Play as a team and he’ll scream in your ear if your winning in or losing it doesn’t matter he’s hyped up.

Definitely try’s to get a pet sea turtle and build an oasis pool for one. And somehow you encouraged the idea thinking it was just a funny thought. Now you both have a giant sea turtle named crush. You had to tell Mauga not to bring him a girlfriend or you’d have a turtle sanctuary you couldnt afford.

Mauga will and has fallen asleep on top of you. No matter how hot it is or no matter how heavy he is, you will be cuddled and he will not let you go even if you get out of it somehow. He always finds you again even in his sleep.

This chaotic gremlin will lick your face at random times just to spite you.

[theunholybastard]

Bad Day (Papa Emeritus IV x Gender-Neutral!Reader)

Requested by @ollies-station !!! <3

Tags: Fluff, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Reader Is Hinted Trans But It's Pretty Vague, Mentions Of Body Dysmorphia/Dysphoria, 2nd Person POV

Copia hovered over you, paints smudged and halfway wiped off. He stopped in the middle of washing his face when he noticed something wasn't right with you. You lay face down in the bed, unmoving, just so done with life.

"Eh... t-tesoro, what's wrong?" Copia asks warily, head tilted like a confused puppy, eyes darting around the room awkwardly. He was never very good at comforting people. But you were the love of his life, how could he not at least try to be of help? He just can't stand to see you like this.

"Everything." You reply hoarsely, muffled by the pillow you were crying into earlier. You were hardly exaggerating, everything seemed to be going wrong and sending you further down a spiral. Not to mention, you've not been very kind to yourself today either. When you first woke up, things immediately felt off. You felt off. Looking into the mirror, you instantly felt dread, like something wasn't quite right with you. Deep rooted insecurities bubbled up to the surface, your body not feeling like your own. You just want the day to be over already, but every passing moment feels like eternity.

"Bad day, huh?" Copia sighs, sitting down on the bed with you, mindful to give you a little bit of space if you needed it. You finally lift your head up, and the sight makes Copias heart ache. Red, puffy face, tear stains down your cheeks, hair tussled and greasy. You hadn't even gotten a chance to shower that morning, notably the first sign today wasn't going to be all that great. You probably looked like a hot mess right now, but to Copia, you were the most beautifully ethereal being he'd ever laid his eyes on, no matter what state you were in.

"Is there anything I can do?" Copia asks concernedly, softly stroking your back with a gloved hand. "Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel better."

"Maybe... But there's still so much stuff I have to do today-"

"Non importante. Whatever needs to get done today, I will do it for you. You've had enough stress put on you today, now it's time for you to relax. Now, tell your Papa what is wrong, okie dokie?"

You couldn't help yourself, airing out all your grievances to him. You spared no details, every little thing that went wrong and every little worry you had was brought to his attention, and he listened intently to every word. That was the one thing he's always been very good at. Listening. And he was right, it did make you feel a little better, especially with how earnest you could tell he was.

When it was all said and done, he said nothing at first, simply holding you close to his chest, his warmth and sweet smell of cologne quickly lulling you into a sense of security and comfort. You knew you always had a safe space with him.

"Bad days come and go, amore. You must keep in mind that this won't last forever. The good days will come back sooner than you think. And yes, maybe they will fleet sooner than you want them to as well, but the important thing is that they will come again. Look outside, tesoro..." You did as you were told, gazing out the window to see the sun slowly setting over the horizon.

"The day is almost over, you see? And tomorrow is a new day. A better day. Why don't you sit here for a moment and focus on that while I run you a nice relaxing bath, hm? I'll quickly run whatever errands you have left today, and after that I'll order some takeout for the two of us, how's that sound? I'll get you whatever you want."

"And... And can we maybe watch something after? And cuddle?" You sniffle. A comfort show would be great right now. He smiles. "Of course! Anything for my baby." He presses a chaste kiss to your forehead, pulling away to get up and do the tasks he promised. You quickly grab the lapels of his jacket, keeping him from leaving you so soon.

"Copia... You know you don't have to do this, right? I'll be fine, really." You murmur, self conscious and worried that you're asking too much of this sweet, perfect man you've somehow managed to claim as yours. He chuckled.

"I know, amore; I want to. I want to make you happy, I want to make things easier for you. Because I love you. Because you deserve that. Capisci?" He says, a gentle firmness in his soft-spoken voice. Hesitantly, you nod. Still, you don't let go of his jacket just yet.

"Could you stay with me for just a little while longer?" You ask, hopeful and bleary eyed. He grins.

"As long as you need, tesoro."

-

[shinsmarlboro]

Baji with a lover, who is a successful entrepreneur.

TAGS: SFW && gender neutral y/n.

when accompanying you to an event, baji definitely hypes you up, give you a standing ovation, and trust that he lets people know that he is your number one fan.

keisuke believes in you more than your own family, but that won't blind him or stop him from speaking his mind and telling you the truth when it is necessary. you appreciate the fact that he tells you what you need to hear, unlike some of your subordinates who are professional bootlickers.

you two almost had an argument about you paying for his tuition.

“nah babe, ‘s fine. what's a couple more student loans gonna cost?”

“keisuke please, you're already drowning in debt. let me at least pay half.”

you two are a stubborn couple, going at it until one of you gets tired; spoiler alert, it's him, not you.

at takehina's wedding, you get introduced to baji's friends, one of them being kokonoi and you two instantly hit it off with talking about future joint ventures and all that crap that keisuke does not want to bother understanding.

chifuyu deeply respects you. when you two first meet, he goes on about how he didn't think baji would find someone, especially as a veterinary student.

“it's nice that he's dating someone that's kinda the opposite of him. please take good care of him, i know he's rash at times but he means well.”

you find chifuyu to be a sweetheart knowing his intentions towards baji are pure, except for when he starts rambling about embarrassing moments that happened to baji back in his adolescent days as a way to keep the conversation going.

keisuke makes sure to leave messages here and there in between late night study sessions, knowing that you would be working around the same time he's online.

he would send you pictures of the strays he had gotten from the cat distribution system and ask you if he can keep it even though he doesn't live with you.

speaking of living arrangements, it is a bit complicated. he is always welcome in your penthouse and has a spare key for whenever he wants to crash at your place (something you secretly look forward to) but, his visits are moderate, unless he's tipsy and neither chifuyu nor kazutora are fit to take care of him, or he wants your accompaniment.

one time you took a risk that caused you to lose a multi-million contract. naturally, you were upset and distanced yourself from everything. baji, the ever-loving perceptive partner, noticed this and tried different silly ways to get your attention. you find it amusing that he is willing to make a fool out of himself just to get you to smile.

whenever you feel stressed, keisuke always offers to take you out on late night rides to clear your head at the beach.

you're not used to your status, so when you get overwhelmed keisuke holds you close and comforts you by stroking your hair.

“this is so pathetic. i’m sorry, it's just…hard.”

“shhh, it may hard but there isn't anything my woman can't do. you got this, okay?”

he doesn't mind getting groceries for you when he knows that you're too busy to shop for the house. he does it without telling you and even surprises you with a home cooked lunch that he gives his secretary to deliver to you as he's shy to do so himself.

did i mention that his mom absolutely adores you? your discipline and charisma are what amazes her. you have lunch dates with her every month and make sure to clear out your schedule just for her; you also enjoy flipping through baby albums with her and getting a glimpse of a younger version of keisuke.

keisuke loves it when you wear glasses, if he did something that aggravates you while you're working extra at home, he simply stares at you. with a blank expression, he admires the way the glasses frame your mesmerising face. you think he's not listening, and you get even more frustrated with him. but when he caresses your cheek and calls you beautiful, you are visibly stunned and you don't know what to do; you end up acting like him back when he had more of a tsuntsun character; now he always wants to tease you - catch you off guard with his blatant flirtation.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

In RiAAU, when Anne accidentally takes her girls to Earth at age 23 (plus Sprig, who came as a stowaway), they're transported to different points of LA - specifically, to their respective childhood homes. After running around through the city, having a few encounters with the police (who think they're cosplayers on drugs) and several crying sessions, they find each other. Anne had already met her parents and spent a day with them before leaving to find her girls - she was angry with her wives when they left, and she didn't know they had all been transported until she saw something about a crazy "medieval fair attendee" robbing someone with swords in the news. Being with her parents was... awkward. First of all, they spent twenty years looking for a missing son, a little boy, and what came back was an adult daughter. She had changed her gender, apparently, but also her entire name. "Anne Plantar" was completely different from "Andrew Boonchuy". She slept holding her sword. She caught insects in the backyard and baked them into cookies. She could see they had all of these expectations for what their son would be like when he came back and it was painfully obvious that Anne didn't meet a single one. At least her brother was with her. They climbed out the window on the first night they were there and left to find Sasha and Marcy.

Now, the Boonchuys were the only ones who stayed in their old house after their kid went missing. The Wu's left nearly ten years after Marcy disappeared, and the Waybrights got divorced, remarried, and had more children in different houses, in separate parts of the city. When Sasha and Marcy returned, they found their old houses empty, or with new people living there. Tracking each other down was hard, but when they finally reunited, there were tears and hugs and kisses and they slept in the floor of the Wu's old abandoned house. Whatever had made them all so mad before seemed insignificant now.

They return to the Boonchuy house - Anne wasn't about to let her wives, who were both literal royalty back in Amphibia, live as squatters until they found a way back. It's uncomfortable and awkward but Anne explains everything she hadn't told her parents before - that she didn't come alone, that these two were the two other kids who went missing with her, that they're world leaders back home and that they're all married. Yep. Yes it's legal. Yes there's this polygamy clause that allows it in some ca- why are they looking at her like that? Lest to say, her parents are feeling very emotional about their baby being married. And the fact that they missed it.

So they stay with the Boonchuys for several weeks. It's shocking how quickly Marcy becomes friends with her dad - he shows her this thing called "videogames" and it's like a whole new section of her brain is activated. Sasha bonds with Anne's mother very easily, too - she's just generally very helpful, a great listener, and always goes with her to the market because she can carry the most bags at a time.

It's... nice, to see two of her three families get along so nicely. Her three families if you count Sprig winning over her mom. Really, Anne is happy. She knew her relationship with Marcy and Sasha was unusual, and if it weren't because she was consort to the queen of Newtopia and the lady paramount of the old Toad State, they'd all probably get a weird treatment back home. The fact that her parents seem fine with it is comforting.

Still painful to see her wives becoming so close to them when Anne can barely stand being in the same room as her mom without feeling awkward and wanting to bolt. She's starting to feel like coming here was a big mistake.

[strawbeerossi]

Friends Like You

Pairing: Gender Neutral!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: After your father relocated to Las Vegas, Nevada, you meet a new face at the school bus stop.

Content/Warnings: Some minor angst with Spencer’s past, bullying mention, some minor violence mentions, Spencer being a little awkward and sweet baby.

Word Count: 1.1K

Navigation || Masterlist || Request

New mini series?? Let me know what y’all think!

AN: This should go without saying that it’s an AU where Spencer goes to high school at the appropriate age and not as a preteen! I thought it would be absolutely adorable. I hope you guys like it!

Spencer Reid never saw a day of peace in his life since he was a child. His father was a piece of shit who abandoned him as a child for his own selfish reasons, leaving a child with the burden of caring for his schizophrenic mother.

While he absolutely loved his mother and would do absolutely anything for her, a child shouldn’t have to be tasked with being a parent. While his friends were outside playing, he was sitting with his mother in bed while listening to her read an assortment of novels and other literature. 

High school was no easier than his early childhood. On top of caring for Diana, he spent most of his time fighting for his life within those hallways. The popular crowd, his peers, even certain teachers contributed to the anguish. There was no winning for him. 

It was a Thursday morning when he was standing at the bus stop, his satchel draped around his slender frame. He had a backpack but after too many times of it being pulled off of him and being hidden or defaced, he chose something he could have around him at all times. Nobody could just pull it off of him without dragging him with it. 

He had to figure that out the hard way.

The autumn air added a chill to the air, the crunching of the dead leaves on the ground signaling someone approaching. Typically he kept his head down to ignore the likes of Marcus Frank, Tyler Simpson, and Luke Halpert; three football guys who had a problem with the quiet, more socially awkward male who liked to fade into the background. Instead of being shoved and greeted with various ugly remarks, there was silence. There was the presence of someone beside him, so he let curiosity get the best of him.

What he saw knocked the wind out of him, even more than a punch to the gut from one of the men he dreaded seeing. 

You had recently moved to Las Vegas, your father getting a new job opportunity. It was an extremely hard move, one that drained you. The loss of close friends, family, as well as losing everything that you absolutely adored doing back home was something difficult. 

Your new house didn’t seem so homely, your neighbors were mostly old people who seemed uptight and had too many issues with the knowledge of a family moving next door. It wasn’t a welcoming city in the slightest so far. School couldn’t be that bad though, right?

Right?

Arriving at the bus stop was about as typical as it was back home, except there was only one person there so far. He was quiet and avoided your gaze, so you already felt like this was a bad start. 

‘Maybe I seem unapproachable?’ You thought to yourself. Some people did say that you suffered from a chronic case of resting bitch face, so maybe that was it? You were pulled out of your thoughts when you felt a pair of eyes on you. As your gaze lifted, it wasn’t long until you were facing Spencer. “Hi.”

Your tone was soft, almost quiet enough where Spencer couldn’t hear you. His face was red as he offered a tight lipped smile. “Hi. I’m- I- uh-” He laughed awkwardly while he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m Spencer.” He finally broke through his stammering. 

It was charming in a way. He seemed so sweet and shy. You suspected he had a hint of social awkwardness.

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, Spencer.” With a hand offered in his direction, he was slowly putting a hand up. “Did you know that our hands carry on average 3,200 different germs belonging to more than 150 species?  Your hands can have anywhere from 100,000 to a few million germs at any given time.” 

The sudden fact had your eyes widening as your gaze fell on the palm of your extended hand. “Are you serious? That’s how many germs lay in our hands? Good lord, no wonder why we are always spreading new diseases.”

The tone of your voice had Spencer letting out a soft giggle as he was reaching in his satchel to retrieve some hand sanitizer. “That’s why I always carry this.” He explained, pumping the disinfectant into his hands before offering some to you as well. 

“What other facts do you have?” You suddenly asked, rubbing the liquid into your hands as you were now staring up at the taller male. Spencer wasn’t used to this. Most people ignored him or they didn’t even look in his direction, much less ask him about the plethora of knowledge and statistics that plagued his brain. 

“Too many to name.” He admitted, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Ask me anything and I bet that I can tell you a statistic or a fact about it.” There was a rush of confidence, Spencer liking the idea of the possibility of having a new friend to listen to him.

“Hmm. Scotland.” You spoke while raising an eyebrow. “Oh! That’s too easy. Did you know that golf was actually invented in Scotland? Scotland is the country with the highest proportion of golf holes per capita in the world. The city of St Andrew’s has 12 golf courses.” He grinned proudly.

“Wow, are you some kind of genius or something?” You asked with a smile. “You could say that.”

This whole conversation was refreshing for Spencer. He’d never had anyone actively want to speak to him before. Most girls looked at him like he was an alien, the males would rather use him as a punching bag than speak to him like civilized people. 

He felt alone a good chunk of his life due to the fact he was.. Different from others. 

You were a rainbow shining boldly after a dreadful, miserable storm.

The school bus had rolled up not too long after though, the screeching breaks and the squeak of the opening doors were probably the most familiar thing you’d experienced. “After you.” Spencer spoke, gesturing to the open doors.

The vehicle was packed, other students scattered from other stops in the neighborhood taking up most of the seats, leaving just a mere few at the front being open. “You wanna sit with me?” You asked, the glasses wearing teenager beside you feeling the burn in his face, neck and ears from his blushing.

Despite his brain trying to give him rational ways to deny sitting with you, he couldn’t bring himself to say no. You were nice. You had a nice laugh and smile. You were safe.

Instead of verbally answering, he was taking the seat closest to the window with a soft smile, which prompted you to match his expression and fall down on the outer area of the seat. 

This was going to be the start of an interesting friendship.

[hesitatingspirit]

I. Boy v. World

it feels like the world is against me sometimes.

and i dont know how to make it clear that i just want to be left alone. say hi my name is adam nice to meet you please dont hurt me im just a boy please i just want to be treated like one of you. you dont have to even talk to me but if you refer to me just maybe say he but if not its okay & i’m still too aggressive. say nothing at all and i’m just too difficult to even bother with at all. loser from the start, this is an eternal summer and you’re god’s least favourite cold-blooded experiment. strap in and enjoy the ride: you’ll be here for a long time.

If I am offended by someone calling me a woman, I am too much. I am one of those trannies that makes everything about them, the spitting image of the blue-haired, big-mouthed, angry-faced caricatures of trans individuals created by the right. If I am not offended, I am making a bad name for my fellow trans siblings by not standing up for myself when people misidentify me. I am normalising the idea that people are allowed to “mess up” on purpose, label me as whatever they want. I can never win: The only way would be to never get misgendered again. To not even have it be a possibility…

But we all know that this can never happen.

No matter what I do, I am always wrong,

because what did I expect when I chose to do this?

I mean,

Everyone knows how the world feels about people like me.

What DID I expect?

Would it have been easier for me to just stay a girl?

Easier for which one of us?

The world is run by spiders weaving complex webs of lies and careful misinformation, all vague enough to seem true to those who only catch the news in passing and parrot it at work, conversing at the water coolers. But being wrong is a disease, and baby, it's contagious: Mask up and shut your mouth and maybe even your ears too.

They are just trying to provoke me. They want to make me step out of line, so when I finally say “hey im a bit uncomfortable” They can finally say

I knew there was something about him!

He is one of those, he lied!

He DOES make his identity his whole personality!

No. It seems that my identity has become YOUR personality,

because my gender defines everyone but me:

The way people react to my face usually tells me all I need to know.

I can recognise a cold gaze from around the corner,

through a brick wall and from a mile away

I'm a psychic, honey, and I'm never gonna change,

so dont shoot the Messenger, okay?

and it goes like this it goes

boy with mustache makes a face when stranger calls him a girl

boy with mustache apologises for the trouble in case stranger noticed

stranger scoffs i dont see why it's such a big deal you can't expect everyone to understand

boy says i know and i’m sorry

boy goes home and forgets what he looks like.

It kinda goes like this:

different place wake up with a different face who am i today well everyone sees different things

but you know me i ride my own wave, this is My summer soundtrack

i am a skateboarder i am a stoner i am a rockstar

i am a bleach blond baby boy abandoned by god and i will never die again

mask after mask name after name

another ring around my eyes after another night awake

bags full of sleep deprived weekends staying busy with a racing head

lids heavy with the memories of endless nights

it’ll weigh me down ‘til i’m lowered into my early grave

and all the brick roads and sunsets up in my favourite singer’s hometown will never hit me the same

ghosts see the world differently,

ever so slightly colourblind

translucent lids half-covering eyes that have grown so tired from all they’ve seen

an eternity an observer

an eternity more to go

the people who care what you look like or hate what you listen to aren't really people that should be in your life anyway. so i don't care too much when they cut me off.

i don't care at all,

i just find it so insane that somehow i'm hurting people by being alive. by breathing.

if i enjoyed the shapes of the words she and her in your mouth if i enjoyed the twang of their sound waves if i could love the way the words hit my eardrums then my existence would be pure, a gift from god and i would be a miracle

but because i stand up for myself

because i have committed the crime of wanting to be happy

i am irredeemably evil

forever unclean,

stain on society and a file best left unopened.

top secret, confidential. don't ask, don't tell, but tell them what you don't know, tell them what you want to think. don't ask, don't tell, but they’ll always ask, and you’ll always tell.

“we don’t talk about her anymore.”

“she went crazy.”

“i heard it was drugs that did it.”

“i heard it was schizophrenia.”

“i think she was into witchcraft.”

god forbid a boy want to be loved: god forbid i avenge my death.

porcelain is so easily cracked,

you don't think i have a right to self defense?

i have to crawl out of my grave because this city is all i know. and this place can get so damn cold.

my rebirth will be slow. it will be terrible. and it is commencing.

[angst-king]

For better or for worse pt2

(here's part 2 of 'for better or worse' my Kirishima x disabled partner story. The reader is gender neutral.)

Over the week you had to sit down and explain everything to Eijirou. His reaction was surprising to you, when you told him the extent of what was happening to you he asked to see your logging. You gave him your phone where you logged everything, especially your seizures. He almost dropped your phone on the ground from how still he went. He felt bad for not noticing something was wrong sooner and promised to do what he could. You told him that it was fine but you knew your boyfriend was dead set on it.

Weeks went by and he stuck true to his word, he’d started going to your doctor appointments when he could. When he couldn’t he’d ask you how it went, and listen to you talk about it. When you needed new bracings for your legs he didn’t bat an eye and ran out to the store to buy them. The sweetest thing he’d done so far was buy you forearm crutches and help you decorate them. He was slowly helping you become comfortable with using them out in public and not feeling ashamed or bothersome about it.

Then people started coming onto your social media, some people were nice. Some thought the decorations on your crutches were cool, or how cute it was that Eijirou was so supportive. Some weren’t as nice about it. You had many of his fans flooding your comment sections or DMs saying how he could do so much better than you. That you’re just weighing him down and he’s only taking care of you out of pity. Some even made threats towards you! At first, you didn’t think much of it since it seemed to only be online, you just limited your comments and closed your DMs. Things became overwhelming when people started giving you dirty looks when you were out in public, Eijirou didn’t even have to be with you, you’d still get glared at.

You didn’t feel safe outside anymore, you didn’t feel safe telling Eijirou things anymore or letting him help you as much. You stopped posting to your social media and you stopped letting Eijirou post you on his too. He noticed it all, he noticed how closed off you were becoming again and he hated to see it. You were getting worse again, yet you wouldn’t tell him you didn’t want him to feel bad.

When Eijirou came home, you had had a seizure so you weren’t able to speak. Which was fine, you could communicate through JSL thankfully both of you knew it. He was going to sit with you on the couch for a little while before going to take a shower because he didn’t want to leave you after having a seizure if he could help it. Yet you insisted he shower and head to bed early since you knew he had an interview the next morning and should relax. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach so he asked you to shower with him, at first you thought he was being flirtatious but he was dead serious. You eventually agreed and stood up, it was obvious you were having trouble standing up on your own from how your legs shook.

“Baby do you want me to carry you upstairs” You shook your head, you could surely manage a couple of stairs. You didn’t need your boyfriend to carry you after his long day of pro-hero work. Eijirou still cautiously held an arm a few inches away from your back in case you lost balance. Once you got upstairs and into the bathroom, you both changed as Eijirou got the shower running. You asked him about his day as you felt your body start to hurt. As if someone was drilling into your bones you grit your teeth subtly to hide it. Eijirou talked about some villains he had to deal with as a distraction. You did your best to focus on him as you got in the shower, the warmth of the water did help warm you up since you sometimes struggled to take on heat on your own. Just as you two rotated positions you were now behind him so he could wash his hair. You felt the familiar boat rocking sensation, even if you weren’t moving at the moment it felt like you were. Everything from your neck and up felt stuck and locked you stared blankly like a doll. Your hands went limp as did the rest of your body, your washcloth falling with a plop. Your head began to move to and fro in a back-and-forth motion slowly at first as if you were bobbing your head to music. Then you dropped to the floor of the shower and then into the sliding glass door with an echoing thunk and a crack!

Eijirou jumped startled by this noise turned around and almost screamed bloody murder as he watched your head continue to bash itself into the glass door. He shut off the water and reached for a towel on the rack, stacked it on the flooring, and moved you to lay your head on top of it. He watched as your eyes rolled back flickering almost, your body going through a stiff-to-limp state like a never-ending cycle. Oh, the noises you were making broke his heart! It was a mix of whimpering, hiccups, and gasping all rolled into one. When your head would lift he could see specks of red on the towels and soon the specks became spots, then became a pooling. You were bleeding from your head, he looked to other places and saw that your nose was leaking blood too! He knew he needed help but he didn’t want to leave you, he called out for siri on his phone to call 119.

“Hey siri!” He waited for the chime before he continued.

“Call 119!” He prayed someone would pick up as he listened to the dialing tone. He did his best to keep you on your side as you convulsed.

“Hello 119 what’s your emergency?” A woman on the other line answered, Eijirou almost smiled when he heard her.

“Hi my partner and I were showering and they suddenly fell and hit their head on our glass shower door, they’re having a seizure and they’re bleeding from I think their head and nose. Please help me!” He blurted out urgently, the woman on the line told him to take a deep breath asked for his address, and gave him instructions to keep you on your side. He provided his address and held you gently, he sighed a little when your seizure slowed to a stop.

“The seizure stopped! This is their second one today!” “Alright sir an ambulance will be there shortly, i recommend covering their body with a towel if you can so they don’t lose any heat.” “Okay!” Eijirou hopped out and grabbed two towels one to drape across your body and one to cover his. He didn’t need the paramedics to walk in and see his dick. The woman kept him on the line until there was a knock at the door, he rushed down the stairs to let them in and lead them back up the stairs to where you were. You hadn’t regained consciousness by the time they had arrived and that worried Eijirou especially since you were bleeding. The paramedics prepped and wheeled you out of the house after telling Eijirou what hospital they’d take you to. He ran to your shared bedroom and threw on some clothes, grabbed his keys and your backpack that had a written log of your disabilities. You told him that should he ever need to get you medical attention he bring the journal with him and show it to the nurses or doctor. Once he had everything he jumped in his car and sped down his way to the hospital.

When he arrived he practically ran up to the front desk and asked the nurses where you were. This attracted a lot of attention, Eijirou was pretty recognizable so many people were staring as they saw Red Riot in the ER! One of the nurses went to go and check to see where you were and came back to tell the redhead that you were getting a scan done to make sure you didn’t have any life-threatening brain injuries. So now he had to sit in the waiting room and pray that you’d be okay.

He could feel the eyes, all of them everyone’s eyes were on him. What was he doing here? Was he hurt? Whoa, a pro hero! What happened? He heard it all, some kids would even walk up to him. He didn’t mind talking to them or waving back when they waved at him. He then remembered the journal and began to look through it to refresh himself on your conditions.

You had a condition called Peripheral neuropathy, a disorder that is caused by damage to the peripheral nervous system. This also affects other parts of your nervous system and other internal systems. The main issues this condition caused you were chronic pain and paralysis. There were other things such as circulation issues, temperature dysregulation, tremors, mitched match sensation, hypermobility, skin sensitivity, and much more! You had tried many pain medications and they never really seemed to do much. He read over your seizures and the symptoms you experience as well and sighed. He wished he could help you more but what more could he do if you didn’t let him in? How could he do anything if he never knew?

He sent out an email to the interview group saying he’d have to reschedule the interview due to an emergency that came up. He didn’t care if you could go home tonight he was going to stay home with you tomorrow anyway because that was the best he could think of at the moment. When a doctor came over and approached him he stood up and asked how you were doing.

“Well there’s no bleeding in or around the brain that we can see as of right now and we got the nose bleeding and head wound taken care of. They are on an anti-seizure medicine at the moment. (Y/n) is awake just not able to verbally communicate and is rather out of it at the moment, I do suspect a bit of a bad concussion since they’re complaining of dizziness and struggle to focus. I would like to keep them overnight just to make sure nothing bad progresses.” Eijirou let out a long sigh and nodded, then asked if he could see you. The doctor agreed and walked him up to the ICU where you were being placed for the time being.

Seeing you in that hospital bed almost had Eijirou in tears. He really hated seeing you hurt, yet he was also glad to see that you were awake. When he called your name you flinched a little and stared at him, your eyes were very unfocused but you knew it was him. You signed his sign-name which was ‘Red’ and he rushed over to you and pulled you into a hug. He didn’t ask you too many questions knowing you would start crying if he asked you more than two at a time. He just wanted to make sure you could hear him at the very least which you could. He sat by your bedside in the chair nearby and held your hand lightly rubbing his thumb back and forth across the the back of your hand. Everything was peaceful until you got a call from the interviewing agency. He figured they’d call to see what was up.

“Hello, Eijirou speaking” “ey Eijirou saw your email, what’s going on man, not like you to cancel like that?” “My partner ended up in the hospital and I wanna make sure they’re alright” You looked up at him confusedly when you heard ‘cancel’. He tried to keep the conversation short with the man on the phone when he started pushing for answers.

“It can’t be that bad, ain’t they always in the hospital? What happened did they get into a car wreck or something?” “Oh come on they slipped and fell no big deal not like they broke anything right?” “You know it’s gonna be hell to reschedule Eijirou, besides, they’re an adult they’ll be fine” You watched as Eijirou became more and more frustrated the longer he was interrupted and the more things were downplayed. He gave you a signal to cover your ears which you did right before he yelled.

“Look I’m not some shallow jackass who leaves their injured partner in the hospital just for some publicity interview. You keep interrupting me and downplaying what happened, there won't be an interview at all. I don’t care if I ‘miss out on the fun’ because how can I do that when I’m wondering if my partner’s gonna suddenly have a brain bleed and I’m not there! Now you either respect my decision and find a time to reschedule or you say something stupid and I air out your dirty laundry to the public! Cause unlike some people, I genuinely love and care for my partner!” Even with your hearing muffled you could hear Eijirou pretty well it just lessened the noise so your head wouldn’t hurt further. You felt tears start to well up did he cancel his interview for you?! Was he crazy!? Sure he was right they were just for publicity and money. He wasn’t short on cash anyway so its not like he needed to go but there was a piece of you that felt bad that he had to do that. But then he flashed you his big toothy apologetic smile.

“Sorry for yelling baby, dipshit was pissing me off thinking I’m just gonna let him talk shit about you.” He kissed you on the forehead and offered to get you a drink from the vending machine. You always loved his protectiveness over you, it was something you had been missing these last few days and that smile melted your worries away. You told him you wanted juice and he knew what you liked, and came back with apple juice moments later. As you drank it down he suddenly asked.

“(Y/n) do you…Do you trust me?” You looked up at him confusedly and asked him to elaborate.

“Well, I’ve noticed you become more distant lately again, at first everything was looking up. You were letting me help you be there for you, you would tell me everything, then you suddenly stopped….Did I do something?” You shook your head but winced when that caused pain and told him.

“No, it's not you, you haven’t done anything to make me lose trust in you. I just well, you know how cruel people can be, and no offense but your fanbase is mean.” You said through sign, Eijirou asked for you to explain, it wasn’t that he didn’t believe you he just wanted to understand what caused you to pull away. You told him about everything from the mean comments, DMs, stares, and threats you would receive from people who’d say they’re fans of Red Riot. It broke him to know that you had kept all that from him yet he understood that you didn’t want to ‘burden’ him. By the end, you both were in tears and he was hugging you tight enough for you to feel secure but not enough to hurt you.

“Please (Y/n) please don’t hide these things from me, I wanna be there for you! I wanna help you, i wanna support you, whatever it is you need…Like I said before I will be here for better or for worse! I will do whatever I can you just need to let me in. I know it's easier said than done, but I won't stop proving to you that you can depend on me.” He kisses you on the lips this time in a gentle but loving way. You nodded and finally in a whisper said

“Y-you already have.

[alyjojo]

Past Life 🪡 Karmic Spread January 2024 - Libra

Gender I’m Picking Up On (in the past life): Male

Who You Were: 9 Cups

What You Did: Page of Swords

How It Ended: 2 Swords & The Hermit

What Karma Was Brought With You: Page of Wands

Who You Brought With You: Knight of Wands rev

Additional energy: 10 Pentacles rev

Character Card (for this life): The Assassin

Past Life Oracle: Greco-Roman & Unicorn (past)

Dreaming Way: Man & Anchor (current) Key (past)

Charms:

Key 🔑 on Unicorn

Squid 🦑 on Assassin

Butterfly 🦋 on 10 Pentacles rev

Axe 🪓 on Man

TW: abuse, violence, cruelty, disabilities

Need I say more? I was shocked, I was hearing Spirit eagerly with this one, message after message, just shuffling everything before I even pulled any cards. I have a list in my notepad to keep track, it’s like they’re eager to tell this story, but even they said “it’s a dark story” and it is. I was excited and giddy initially, I always am with these readings, and I’m getting that was your energy overall, you were a joy & a light to others - even having gone through extreme cruelty. When I pulled Greco-Roman I heard “Switzerland”, and I keep going back and forth between 1700 and 1800 so probably at the turn of the century over your lifetime, which doesn’t feel very old. Mid to late 30’s max. You were a twin, two boys, you were “the runt”, the weaker of the two, and your brother was a brutish asshole. I’m seeing a big guy, while you were always smaller, weaker, less healthy to an extent, you got sick often. But you were mama’s baby because of that, and though I don’t see her yet I can feel her around you. Still. She’s not here, but she could be one of your guides. A warm motherly presence, I’m getting you can feel her sometimes too but don’t know where it comes from. At some point there was a massive “accident” but I get it was no accident, it was your brother, bullying, and your legs were crushed. I heard paraplegic, waist down. There was no remorse from the brother, only shame he might get caught, but he wasn’t. Jealousy 💯 was very strong in him, because you were the favorite, you got more attention, and later, you were the much smarter as well. Big dumb brute, kinda psycho, that’s his energy. I get you being in the dark about much of this, you were probably much too young to understand what was even going on, 2-5 years old, and to you later - this life was what was always normal.

This reading starts much later, when you’re older. I get you being an absolute joy to be around, someone that loved meeting with and talking with anyone, from anywhere. You loved to tell stories, even other people’s stories (gossiping/conversation), and an excellent listener, you liked to be somewhere there were always people traveling through, I’m seeing a chair outside of your house or something. Maybe it’s a house, could be a business, right by a traveling path of some kind, there were always people on it to chat with. Could be outside a shop, a bar, idk but it’s outside not inside, that’s where you liked to be, and I’m seeing a hat made of straw 👒 but it’s not like any hat I’ve seen before. I get zero mention of parents in this reading, after childhood. I have no idea how you get to the chair every day. 9 Cups describes your spirit, and I get one that’s jovial, kind, always very chatty and in good spirits. Unicorn being here nods to a magical quality about you. You know when you meet someone who is just genuine in every way, and so sweet, that was who you were to a lot of local people, and some just passing through, which I get being a regular thing. A tourist stop maybe. There’s much more space between you and the brother when older, but he can’t stand you, and you assume he’s off doing whatever he does. No judgement at all. You avoided Justice, even knowing the kind of person he was, I get you were mostly unassuming and optimistic, you didn’t delve too deeply into him and just knew him as “troubled”, scary even, and yet you protected him on any occasion he might act out. I keep getting a jail reference, so I asked if he went to jail in the past, and got no, he died. Pissed someone off & it was Justice. He’s who you brought, and I asked if jail applies to this life - it could, but you may have no idea, the two of you are estranged, I don’t get any deep emotional connection there. He’s still male, and still very similar to his past personality. Less physically abusive, still troubled.

In the past, there was a particular person you were madly in love with, they were the most beautiful creature that walked the earth. You spent a long time talking to this person, probably years, and I get a very deep bond with them. Eventually, they met someone, a business owner or someone with a lot of money/status, and this person left you behind, devastated. It was the only time of your life you really hated your circumstances, but you were powerless and hated that feeling most of all. You have two Keys here, one card and the Key charm on the Unicorn which I now notice says “wisdom”, and you were very wise. For not having gone many places or “lived” the way other people do, you were a wonderful confidant, people could trust you with their deepest secrets (although some were fair game to gossip about). Others enjoyed helping you with anything, because somehow you were always helping them with something too. You were searched out by others, sometimes just for directions, sometimes for critical life advice, because you always knew what to do, and you really cared about people’s well-being. Anyone. The end makes me sad, it feels like a heavy weight on my chest. Someone didn’t know you were alone, or no one knew you were alone, this could’ve been a crisis situation, you couldn’t call for help and no one knew you were there or in trouble, wherever that was. You were there for a long time, trapped in, several days, under, behind, something, and you were very sad at the end. I want to cry.

Your energy in this life is divided. You’ve got The Assassin here with Squid, that’s no joke, you aren’t someone anyone is dumb enough to fk with this time around 💯 You’re extremely quiet, vengeful, not afraid of doing what you have to do, even if that would be considered “wrong”. Versatile, changeable, adaptable, quick as hell literally & mentally. Again I keep seeing jail, and one of those teardrop tattoos…which means you’ve killed someone? Idk. There’s an Axe on the Man here too. Whew. I hope not 🙏 This could just be showing me you’re ruthless, Assassin even says ruthless. But inside…you have an exciting, sensual, even romantic spirit, you still crave love, passion, excitement, steamy affairs & adventures. Libras gonna Libra 😍 If you haven’t killed anyone (I hope), lasting love may not be for you. This Man desires what he looks at, which is the Anchor, long term stability, a lasting relationship, true love even, but the Axe indicates you cut it off before it can get there…and you’re focused on the NEW. Ace of Cups. That initial excitement & passion of being obsessed with someone, can’t keep your hands off each other. But long term? You want it but you don’t, in some cases a painful divorce may be attached to this, but probably more painful for the other person. If you’re a felon, then it’s more about money, and the lack of a solid foundation in that sense. You also have a major travel bug, you want to MOVE, which makes sense considering this past life being connected, you couldn’t really. Money may stop you a lot, if you had it your way, you’d probably never stop moving. Cars & transportation may be an area of healthy obsession for you, literally traveling or even working on them, as a job or a hobby.

You’ve brought your twin, I don’t see them being related, at least not as a sibling. Could be a cousin, best friend, neighbor, they have some ties with your family, “a friend of the family” is what I’m hearing. They’re very similar to how they were in the past, but less cruel. Still crazy though 💯 You probably get flack from lovers or family about this person, they’re unreliable and always getting into trouble, a bad influence so to speak, you’re still the more logical. 10 Pentacles rev shows a lack of any solid foundation in your life, love, work, home, any of the stuff most people consider goals, I don’t get that you do. It’s a nice idea, you’re like “maybe someday”. Butterfly here with the clarifiers show you feel like if you could just escape, things would be better for you. There’s a daydreamy energy regarding this - you need some perspective on the long term, I get you don’t really think about long term, just today, tomorrow, the next. Drugs or mind altering substances could keep you distanced from family. Doesn’t have to be you either, could be them. There is a transformative energy here, I am getting this is karmic, but it doesn’t have to be this way. You could end up breaking generational curses, changing your life around, or maybe other people do, there’s a long stagnant energy but it’s for a much deeper divine purpose. If this is a family torn apart by tragedy, murder, whatever crime you may have going on - that could be the thing that has or will change you forever. Substances could be involved in that too. It’s a mix of personal tragedy and rising like a Phoenix from the ashes, something good could come out of something terrible, or it’s meant to make this change happen. Sending you lots of love Libra, this is a tough one, both lives 🩷

[flutteringfable]

horse girl (gender neutral) kaeya hcs bc i am also a horse girl (gender neutral)

oh yeah baybeeee time to be a horse nerd for the benefit of my fanfictionssss <3

kaeya isnt a huge favorite character of mine but as an equestrian myself i love thinking abt his own horse experiences lol. also soft-ish ragbros content because i desperately want them to be happy *shakes fist at hoyoverse*

warnings: mentions of character death, major spoilers for kaeya and diluc’s story (mostly what’s covered in the manga), and possible contradictions to the canon timeline? like idk if i got stuff right about the timeframe/age of kaeya being adopted, joining the knights, etc but hopefully it can be overlooked since it isn’t a major part of the hc list lmao

kaeya has loved horses his whole life

both his original father and diluc’s had horses, so he’s been around them a lot

when he was little, he spent all his time playing in the stables

by the time he was around 10-12, a little bit after he was taken in by the ragnvindrs, he could care for the horses by himself

crepus would ask him and diluc to help him name new foals

he started learning to ride almost immediately after getting better at caring for the horses

diluc and kaeya would follow crepus on horseback through the wilds of mondstadt sometimes when they accompanied him for errands

after crepus died, kaeya taught himself, and surprisingly became rather skilled

i like to think that there was a period where kaeya and diluc were close immediately following crepus’ death before they drifted apart

so, kaeya taught diluc a lot of what he knows now about horseback riding

when kaeya joined the knights of favonius cavalry, he felt right at home

he learned some vaulting and one-handed skills from training with the other knights

so now he’s REALLY good

he excitedly tells diluc everything he learns whenever he can

diluc listens, but this is during the period when they started to drift apart, so he feels the smallest twinge of jealousy

regardless, a small part of him is proud of kaeya, and he does his best to voice this since he doesn’t want to dampen his brother’s mood

nowadays, kaeya likes to go for quiet rides around windrise on his days off

(context + horse nerd rambling incoming!

for those of you who might not know, most horse’s “names” are nicknames! domestic horses have what i can only describe as “legal names” or as they’re more commonly known, “show names.” these names are typically structured similarly to actual names, with two words (“shooting star”), but some people will use phrases (“a walk with grace”) or titles of movies, songs, etc (“dark side of the moon” “candy crush”). i don’t wanna bore you with the details here, but if you’re interested just look up how horses’ show names are chosen! okay back to the kaeya horse girl hours)

kaeya bought his own horse about three years after he joined the cavalry

she’s a fresian (very pretty breed i love draft horses so so much mwah my big fluffy babies) named shining miracle

kaeya calls her miracle or mira for short

everyone in mondstadt knows mira

kaeya sometimes walks her through the city on patrols, and will almost always be stopped by people leaving gentle pats on mira’s neck and saying hello

during the windblume festival and weinlesefest, kaeya likes to braid cecilias and windwheel asters into her mane.

mira is gentle and soft tempered, so even in the most chaotic of festival settings she will stand quietly

during festivals she gets lots of extra treats, and bakers in mond have taken to making special horse-friendly treats especially for her

needless to say, she’s very well taken care of by both kaeya and the entirety of mondstadt

sometimes, when he’s stressed or otherwise upset, kaeya will take mira out to the shore and gallop her up and down the beach

(with breaks, of course. no matter how pent up he may be, kaeya would never push mira to exhaustion because of it)

okay if anyone has more questions about mira and kaeya i would be so so happy to answer them i’m kind of obsessed

hoyoverse give us horses to ride ingame challenge (IMPOSSIBLE) (look i know that would make it feel more like a zelda clone but come ONNNN i want a pretty horse)

[thatdamnmutt-exe]

My OCs Part Two <3

So probably no one cares, but I wanted to make a list consisting of all my OCs! I absolutely love making OCs for all of my main fixations! These are a lot of the OCs I will be using to write oneshots with!

Disclaimer: I am no artist at all, so I did use bases from photos that I have found online and have made my own character from that! When I get a chance, I will credit the artist when I find them again, until then, I would like to say that they get full credit for the bases!

(Some of the characters are still in development, they will be updated as time goes on.)

————————————————————————

Attack On Titan <3

• Name: Shivani Vale • Age: 21 • Height: 5'10 • Gender: Trans Man; He/Him • Sexuality: Bisexual • Species: Human • Relationship: Levi's Partner

• Family: 1.) Dead

• Likes: 1.) Loves training with ODM gear 2.) Loves to push himself to always kill the most titans 3.) Loves to care for his weapons- always has to make sure they're in top shape 4.) Loves to learn from his fellow peers that he sees as superior to him 5.) Sasha & Hange - absolutely adores them 6.) Loves when he's acknowledged for his hard work, but not in a cocky way. 7.) Loves to train at night when no one is around 8.) He loves the adrenaline that comes with being out past the wall 9.) Loves to collect skulls and bones while out from the wall 10.) Loves to study the titans with Hange 11.) Loves to see the animals while out on missions, occasionally makes friends with some random wildlife. 12.) He loves to clean, he needs to have a clean space around him so naturally he's come to love cleaning

• Dislikes: 1.) Being told he can't do something 2.) Has a hard time with authority, especially unfair authorities. 3.) Hates any of the scouts/cadets that slack off and try to avoid work 4.) Hates feeling like he's making no progress 5.) Hates the titans because of everything, but isn't as loud about it like Eren. 6.) Hates thunder- terrified of thunder but can hide it most of the time 7.) Hates that people make decisions without the help of some emotion. 8.) Also hates when someone makes a decision with too much emotion, he believes there's a good mix of both. 9.) Hates being seeing as a kid because he feels like he was never one 10.) Hates anyone that disrespects those he holds dearly 11.) He hates Oruo. He finds him so annoying with how he tries to be overly cocky 12.) Hates the heat, he hates being sweaty and gross.

• Personality: 1.) Overall is a quiet person, but will stand his ground on things he's passionate about 2.) He's a silent, caring type of person. 3.) He's a bit of a hardass but holds a soft spot for some of his fellow cadets 4.) Thankful for any feedback or any help he receives. 5.) Has a leader type personality 6.) Quick to make decisions, especially in tough scenarios, and most of the time makes a right call. 7.) Is not afraid of getting into fights because he can most definitely finish them. 8.) Is well aware that he's popular with the ladies, and some men, but never acts on it. He ignores most of the people who fawn over him 9.) He's not the best at comforting people with words, but he's always open to listening 10.) He's not one for touch and prefers people keeping distant 11.) He has incredible stamina. He could run around and kill titans for as long as it's needed. He's able to push past the sore tension in his muscles and block it out until he's able to relax 12.) Overly observant of behaviors and is very good at reading people and their intentions.

• Personal Secrets: 1.) He was sexually abused by his father from ages 6, right up until his parents were killed. 2.) Keeps a lot of his identity and past a secret 3.) Basically sacrificed his parents to be eaten by the titans 4.) Occasionally steals from food shops for Sasha 5.) Sleeps with a baby blanket & stuffed animal

---- "You got a taste of blood when you were licking your own wounds." ----

Check out part one here:

My OCs Part One <3

[irisembury]

Relationships

This is more personal than what I usually post here. The overarching theme is my own personal difficulties with relationships. Writing this all out is what I’ve decided to do instead of continuing to pursue therapy, which I’ve tried but which hasn’t been helpful for me.

Insecurities with men

They say children are like little sponges: they absorb everything around them. They watch, they listen, they learn. That’s how you form your ideas about the world. It comes from your environment, the people around you as you grow up. The ideas, themes, or attitudes I absorbed left me feeling rather insecure about myself as a person around men, but not around women. As a woman who’s cursed to be attracted to men, this has been a significant problem throughout my adult life, and one that I’ve still yet to overcome.

I feel that men are valued for their capabilities and for what they do. A man is strong, intelligent, he’s a good leader, a builder, he fixes things, he solves problems, he protects you, he’s assertive, driven, he makes money, and he’s funny. Then his wife enters the room, and he introduces her: “Everyone, this is my beautiful wife.” What does she do, I wonder? He’s a high-level executive at the company. She.. looks nice. There’s always a difference in what things we emphasize and compliment in men and women, and in how women talk about men they like versus how men talk about women they like. It all accumulates in your mind, and you eventually develop a natural sense of what things are valuable to people and what things aren’t. And the sense I have is that what men value about women is… well, not much.

It took me a long time before I realized men don’t care if you’re smart. For most men, it’s basically not even a factor. They might be annoyed if you’re especially stupid, but only if you’re unreasonable and it causes them a hassle. A girl who’s dumb, but shuts up and does what you tell her? For most guys, that’s fine. But being any smarter than average doesn’t score you extra points. In fact, if you’re too clever, it works against you, because that might threaten some guys and make them feel insecure about their own intelligence and relative standing. Just as men prefer being taller than women, so they like feeling better than women in most other ways too. They want women to look up to them, and not only literally. It would be embarrassing, emasculating, if a man’s wife knows more than he does about cars, or if she could lift heavier weights than him, or if she were a stronger swimmer, or if she were better at math, or whatever.

The only areas in which men are comfortable with their wives out-performing them are those considered to be women’s things, in which men don’t even consider theirselves to be competitors—e.g. raising children, cooking dinner, doing household chores, putting on makeup. And even when it comes to those things, men don’t believe women are naturally advantaged so much as they’re more practiced, because these are the things women have been relegated to. It’s the stuff men don’t want to bother with, so instead they have women do it. The average man assumes he could out-do his wife at any of her own duties, if he really put his mind to it. That’s why all the top chefs in the world are men, as he’s happy to point out. But he doesn’t want to out-do her at those things, because what is he, gay or something? Why would he want to be good at women’s things? That stuff is for girls.

The two main things men want from women, aside from being at least functionally competent and sociable, is that you’re attractive and you can have babies. That’s why women are forced to care far more about their youth and beauty, for these two things are the only currency for male affection. This is why generations ago, most people only had same-gender friend groups. A man would have a circle of male friends, then go home to his wife or girlfriend, and vice versa—girls would have a circle of female friends, then go home to their husband or boyfriend. In most circumstances, the only reason men bother being around women is to find the one they’ll end up having sex with. If that’s not the category you’re applying for, then from a man’s perspective, what’s the point of you? Why interact with you at all, when instead he could just go hang out with his male friends, who he perceives as better, more interesting, and more likely to share his hobbies and interests? It’s a serious conundrum. I’ve heard numerous men throughout my life say “if we didn’t want to have sex with them, what would be the point of women?” It’s played as a joke, after a moment or two, but it’s one that betrays their real feelings.

This is why the concept of ‘the friend zone’ even exists for men to complain about: for them, the whole point of interacting with women is sex, ergo a woman with whom sex isn’t an option feels like a scam, a rip-off, a waste of time—especially if they began interacting with her thinking sex was on the table and only learn afterwards it’s not.

It’s a completely different story interacting with women. All of this judgment, doubt, fear, and insecurity fades away; suddenly the non-sexual aspects of myself actually matter, and could have value to somebody, because women perceive me and interact with me in a completely different way. Around women I feel like myself; around men I feel unattractive and worthless.

I could attempt to cope with the situation by giving up and swearing off men, concluding they’re just not for me, but that doesn’t feel sufficient or satisfying. It frustrates me that this is how things are. It frustrates me that I can’t stop myself from feeling this way. I wish it could be better. It’s a problem that I wish could actually be solved.

Whores and madonnas

The term madonna–whore complex comes from psychoanalysis. I occasionally see people say it’s also known as the madonna–mistress complex, but it’s called the madonna–whore complex first and foremost in every reference or resource so I’ve ever seen, so that name is the one that’s most recognizable, even though madonna–mistress complex makes more sense for what it’s describing. A whore is somebody who sells sex, right? Whoever first named this thing the madonna-whore complex was using whore in a more colloquial way. Really they just meant, like, slutty.

In this context, the word ‘madonna’ has nothing to do with the pop singer. It comes from the Italian for ‘my lady’, which for a long time was another way of referring to the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus—which isn’t what the pop singer named herself after; Madonna was literally just her birth name, because Italians families also do that. I don’t capitalize the word ‘madonna’ in this context, because we’re no longer using it as a proper noun for a specific person. I’d capitalize it if we’re talking about Madonna the pop singer or Madonna the Jesus-mother.

The term madonna–whore complex seems to have come about to explain why some people end up in sexless marriages, where they still love their wives and have a sexual desire for women, but not a sexual desire for their wives. It’s not a general truth or a description of something found in all men, but a specific pattern of behaviour that some men exhibit. They come to view women either as saintly madonnas (good, respectable, sacred) or as debated whores (sinful, profane, irresponsible, but sexually exciting). Normally, you can just be both; the complex describes a man who is for some reason incapable of seeing both in the same woman. Why? I don’t know. It’s weird. There are some characters in media that seem to exhibit this tendency, and many writers have consciously written pairs of female characters to represent idealizations of the two archetypes for a male character to choose between.

But what interests me isn’t the actual psychological complex, if that’s even a real thing, so much as the implied spectrum in what men find valuable about women. Even though men don’t have to choose between them, ‘the madonna’ and ‘the whore’ are personifications of the two main functions that men want women to fulfil: the ideal sex-partner and the ideal mother-figure.

Part of the reason so many transsexual women lean into being overtly sexual is because of their male upbringing and socialization, i.e. their lack of female socialization, which emphasizes the importance of sexual repression and caution in partner selection. Early trans women—i.e. trans women who didn’t transition that long ago–may act more like gay men, because only last year they practically were gay men. But even among the more traditional and female-conforming trans women, who are in most other ways trying to fit in, many people have observed that trans women seem to embrace being really slutty and sexually open at a far higher rate than cis women. I’m not certain this is really the case on average, or if it’s not a media-driven perception, but my personal experience, and that of people I know who have experience with the trans community, suggests the former. I do think it’s true on average. And for many people, “oh right, because they used to be guys!” is a satisfactory explanation for what could be perceived as a more male-coded sexuality, i.e. being slutty and horny and raunchy. That’s usually a male thing. That’s probably especially true if we’re talking about a pre- or early-transition trans girl you see on the internet who’s like 18–22 being horny on main, but what about the majority of us, who are significantly older, been around longer, and just trying to exist?

For this section, my thesis is there’s another, less-obvious reason for us being more likely to be all slutty and sexualized, and one that I’d bet is far more significant to that effect overall, which is that trans women are acting, consciously or subconsciously, within the madonna–whore paradigm.

We know that men who are looking for saintly madonnas to bring home to their parents and settle down and start families with are going to look past us. And not only because we’re incapable of having children with them, but also because for a lot of society, dating a trans women is still going to be considered weird, so there’s a good chance the man himself isn’t interested, but even if you are, your parents and grandparents might not like it. And your buddies at work might call you gay. There’s a lot of social cost you have to endure, and for many guys, we’re not worth it. This leaves us feeling like the only way to feel desirable is to provide sexual attention—since we can’t be madonnas, we may as well fully lean into what we can do. Specialize in what you’re good at. But even there, most men are less interested in us than in cis women. So out of desperation—in order to ‘compete’ in the ‘sexual marketplace’—we undercut our competitors by having lower prices. In other words, we’re easier, more open, more accessible, we let you skip the song and dance of courtship and just sleep with us. We become all slutty. There’s a similar stereotype about how ugly or fat girls are more likely to be easy, because they know they have to be. There’s a depressing truth to some of this.

It probably comes from the other direction too, where a guy who’s okay with trans women is probably going to be less traditional and therefore be less offput by a woman being slutty. In a traditional setting, women being slutty is an indication they’re lower-value as a long-term partner, or doesn’t have good values, or wasn’t raised right, or something like that. This affects women’s behaviour: they don’t want to be judged negatively and seen as low-value, ergo they avoid slutty behaviour and make men work for it. It’s kind of like how if a product is really cheap, you assume it’s worse than the expensive stuff. A good woman is supposed to be hard to get. The crude logic is that if you’re willing to sleep with me, as a trans woman, then you probably don’t care that much about the traditional rules of engagement, so I don’t incur as high a cost for being slutty. If there are any traditional men in the room, they might judge me more harshly, but they’re the ones who wouldn’t have wanted me anyway.

Whether that reasoning is actually true or if that’s really how things play out, I don’t know.

Atypical romance

In modern times, the way a relationship works is that both people make an indefinite, exclusive commitment to engage in a number of important changes together: emotional changes (affection, trust, openness, great value on each other’s approval), physical changes (sex, nudity, physical closeness), and situational changes (cohabitation, financial entanglement, shared property).

The main reason people agree to an arrangement like this is they experience a romantic love-affliction. Long ago, the driving force to form relationships was financial security and familial stability, but these days everything has been love-ified, so chasing good feelings is now the main thing people care about. And love is a complicated beast, because it’s not something you enter into voluntarily or by choice. It just happens to you, whether you like it or not—and it’s difficult to terminate if you no longer want it. This is why we compare love with a sickness, because in many ways it’s similar to one.

In addition to an obsessive, burning desire for your target, the experience of love is mostly characterized by the presence of various pain-threats that befall you if you don’t get what you want from them. If they don’t love you back, that hurts, and if you’re both in love but can’t be together, that hurts, and if you form a relationship but they cheat on you, that hurts, and so on. And we’ve come up with various names or phrases to distinguish between them, e.g. unrequited.

If you want to be in a relationship, people expect you to feel love. Love is considered the necessary justification for bothering with the relationship, the spark that makes doing all of this worthwhile. If a person found out their partner didn’t really love them, that would be painful, even if their partner agreed to continue the relationship despite this. We don’t just want our target to go through the motions of a relationship as though they’re in love; we want them to really feel it. That’s where I can run into issues, because I don’t experience the same pain-threats as other people, and as a result I don’t exhibit all the typical behaviours that people are looking for, and may come off as though I’m not feeling the right feelings.

I didn’t know it about myself at first, because you don’t know what love is when you’re young, beyond liking someone a whole lot. Eventually I met somebody who unlocked something in me and I had to go through the typical ordeal: the burning obsession, the power it has over you. And then, as it turned out, they didn’t love me back. They only saw me as a friend. The spark I felt for them, they did not feel for me. For many people, that would’ve been a horrible experience that ruins our friendship and drives me to divorce myself from them entirely—but instead, I felt fine. Nor did it bother me when they later ended up in a relationship with somebody else. I didn’t feel a hint of resentment toward their partner. I rather liked them, actually, and I sincerely wished the best for them together.

Later still, I realized I also didn’t care if the person I love is sexually intimate with somebody else. Not necessarily, at least. Perhaps it’d bother me if they were sleeping with somebody I hate, but it wasn’t a rule in my mind. I don’t know why that doesn’t bother me. It just doesn’t. These are two significant pain-threats that other people in my life go through, but to which I seemed totally immune. I was a mere spectator to their sorrow. I’m not wholly impervious to hurt feelings, though. I could be affected if I feel I’ve lost somebody, or that I lost their trust or intimacy. I felt a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach the times I’d found out somebody very close to me had been lying to me about something, after I thought we trusted each other. I could also feel envy, if somebody rejected me but pursued somebody I felt inferior to. So it’s not that I had no pain-threats. I just didn’t have the same pain-threats as others.

I went through a phase of wondering if I should call myself aromantic or some other neologism, to express how disconnected I felt while listening to everybody else’s love-related problems. But that word looks like it should mean a lack of love entirely. I have a difficult time not thinking of what I feel as love. It’s just not the same love, the love, that others go through. Is it so different that it shouldn’t be called love at all? I don’t know.

I’m also not certain that I even want a standard relationship. I definitely enjoy the emotional and physical changes a relationship entails, but when it comes to situational changes—mixing your life with somebody else’s—I hesitate to say it’s even desirable. I don’t know if I want to live with another person, especially if it’s an indefinite commitment. That feels like being stuck or weighed down. And probably creating a lot of problems down the road, if things don’t work out. Which they’re likely not to.

A temporary complex

There are many things in life we expect to last for a while, but not forever. We apply for and start jobs expecting we’ll someday leave them; we move into a new apartment expecting we’ll someday move out; we buy a phone or laptop expecting we’ll someday get rid of it and buy another. Friendships are sometimes lifelong, but nobody expects you to promise they’ll turn out to be—and most aren’t.

Neither are most relationships. Each time two people come to consider theirselves boyfriend and girlfriend, chances are they’re going to break up at some point, not stay together forever until they die of old age. We all understand and accept this in the abstract. When a person asks you out, they’re essentially asking: “Would you like to invest some time and energy into each other, as a gamble with a low chance of success, to see if I end up being the one for you?”

Despite the reality of our odds, you’re not meant to acknowledge or talk about that, especially with the very person you’re gambling with. The expectation is that even though most relationships are indeed temporary, we’re supposed to act, in each instance, as though this is going to be the one that lasts forever. This might be called ‘being hopeful’, and if your partner isn’t hopeful, and is instead treating your relationship as though it’s going to end in the way that most do, then you’re less likely to stick around to see if they’re wrong.

This is a realm in which pessimism substantially hinders me. I seem to have some kind of broader psychological complex relating to relationships no less than to everything else. I expect that all people in my life are temporary. I feel no security or stability with anyone I meet. Instead, I have a constant, revolving door of meeting new people while my previous people fade away. It began in childhood for me. The household I was born into moved practically every year, sometimes a year and a half, sometimes eight months. If you have children, please don’t do this to them. Instability is terrible for a growing mind. I was always the new kid. I was always learning and navigating an unfamiliar environment. Any friends I made would all get left behind as I packed up to start over in some other city. I never made long-lasting connections and ergo never had to learn how to navigate the complexities of conflict and emotional intimacy that casual, low-stakes acquaintances don’t require.

By the time life was more stable in my late teens, a psychological habit and attitude had borned, one that I wasn’t aware of and wouldn’t analyze or make any effort to overcome until years later. The friends I had when I was 17 were all gone by the time I was 21, and those friends were all gone by the time I was 24, and those friends were all gone by the time I was 28.

I wasn’t shy. I could sit down and socialize with strangers well. I made friends with classmates and coworkers. What I didn’t do was build on that to transition it into anything more, anything deeper, anything that would last and withstand even a slight change in circumstance. I would quit and change jobs frequently. I moved frequently. In fact, after some point, I realized this was psychological, that I felt some level of need to move around. It felt weird to be in the same place for too long. I’d start thinking to myself, oh god, I’ve been in this apartment for almost two years—I should move.

There are other people who grow up in ever-changing environments, like the children of military members or diplomats, or any career like this that demands parents moving about. I’m given to understand that families in such circumstances try and network with one another for their children’s sake, and hopefully compensate with an active home life. Their parents and siblings can provide a sense of stability. For me, this did not happen. I grew up in an environment that I’d describe, for the most part, as emotionally vacant. I was materially taken care of—there was always shelter, food, and warmth, and I never felt unsafe—but nor did I feel known, or loved, or particularly close with anybody. We didn’t talk much. I practically never opened up to anyone. I didn’t consult anybody for help or advice or comfort. When I had problems, I just tried to be alone, so as to not bother anyone.

By adulthood, I’d grown into a rock. I had no close friends, but moreover I didn’t even realize I had no close friends, because I didn’t think about it. I wasn’t aware of what was missing. I didn’t realize there was a problem. I had no expectations, and if anybody formed expectations of me then I probably let them down. I engaged in socialization, but it was a façade. I was, fundamentally, a lonely person.

I probably have something called avoidant personality disorder (AvPD). That’s not according to a therapist or anything. I’ve just read about it, and every aspect of it sounds like if somebody just followed me around and described all the things I do. Which is interesting because that makes me think oh, great, there are other people out there plagued with the same nonsense.

feelings of inadequacy or inferiority, the feeling that one is socially undesirable

sensitivity to negative evaluation and rejection, leading to a fear of intimacy, despite an intense desire for it

social inhibition, overreliance on avoidance as a maladaptive coping method

avoids becoming involved with others unless certain they won’t be rejected, and may preëmptively abandon relationships due to fear of rejection by other party (whether that risk is real or imagined)

This makes friendship challenging enough as is—now think about how completely fucked I am when it comes to relationships. The very notion that another person would even want a relationship is very difficult to entertain. I don’t see why anybody would. There’s a level on which I don’t believe it. It feels like a fiction, a lie that we’re all telling ourselves. I’m like the child at the end of The Emperor’s New Clothes, the one person willing to not go along with the shared delusion that is this fucking ritual. It’s like, oh, you love me and want to be with me forever? No you don’t, shut up, that’s just something people say. Maybe you want to have sex. Yeah, that’s believable. And maybe, if we’re very lucky, you also want to be friends—but hey, friendship is hard, so I don’t expect you to stick around, no hard feelings. (Other feelings, maybe, but not ‘hard’ feelings. I guess anger at somebody is hard, but sadness is soft? How do we decide what physical sensation emotions feel like?)

Fear of loss

As an adult, comparing my upbringing with other people’s recollection of theirs, I realize that one advantage I was dealt is how I never felt threatened by or unsafe around any of the adults in my life. It seems like beating your kids as punishment was still relatively common for my generation, maybe not most people but enough that it’s within the realm of normality; and even people whose parents never actually hit them were more often threatened with violence by angry parents who never delivered on the threat. To me, that still seems terrible: even if your mother didn’t beat you, the result was she made you no longer feel safe with her. I don’t think you should inflict that fear in children. I once read—I forget where—that when things go wrong and they need help, you want your kids to think “oh shit, I should call my parents”—not “oh shit, I can’t let my parents find out”. That’s stuck with me ever since.

A second advantage I had is I wasn’t taught any prejudice. Flawed though my experience was in other ways, the adults around me were all good, loving people, I didn’t have much access to mass media, and nobody in our family talked about religion, or politics, or expressed disdain for any particular group of people. That might be why I had an easier time with certain self-realizations. I remember figuring out I was gay, and then figuring out, oh wait, no, it’s more like bisexual, and both times it was just a flat realiziation of “oh, there’s a word for what I’m feeling”, and that was fine with me. In some people that triggers an internal panic followed by 15 years of internal struggle and self-hatred, but nope. Thanks, non-bigoted family.

Then I grew up a bit more, and learned not everybody in society is cool. I read about how some families are so against homosexuality they throw their kids out. There are homeless teenagers who became homeless because they were gay and their parents rejected them. That terrified me. What would I do if I were homeless? No idea. But my family wouldn’t be like that, right? I don’t know. How could I tell? I tried talking with other people, like dumb friends at school, where the stakes were much lower. I can get new friends, obviously, but if you screw things up with your family, that’s it. Can’t replace them. And the reaction was negative, even where I really didn’t expect it to be. That taught me I can’t trust my own judgment, and if you expect the best from everyone, sometimes you get burned. Sometimes you need to brace yourself for the bad outcome. So ultimately I decided there was no advantage to explaining myself to people, whereas the downside was unknown, but potentially very high, so the rational thing to do was to just never bother telling anyone.

(In hindsight, I was mistaken: there is a lot of benefit to being open about yourself, especially with people you’re close to. I was just ignorant of this when I was young.)

Fast-forward four or five years and I started realizing I was a transsexual. I didn’t know the word at the time, but I had various thoughts, feelings, and experiences that all slowly pushed me in the direction of the conscious realization that I wish I’d been born a girl. I think that clicked by the time I was 16, at latest. I had dreams where I was a girl. I always wanted people to think I was feminine. It bothered me that I had to be a male instead. I was jealous of girls. I couldn’t explain any of this. It was just in my head constantly, and my mind didn’t know what to do with any of it. Then one day I stumbled onto the language of transsexuals and gender dysphoria. I was wearing girls’ clothes, playing with makeup and doing my hair, but all in secret. Then at some point, I tried telling someone how I felt, and again the reaction was very negative. I got mocked at school for seeming too feminine for people’s tastes. Even teachers back then would make an issue out of it. I got kicked out of class once for wearing a shirt a teacher deemed too girly for me. I wasn’t as strong then as I am now, so eventually I broke and resolved to hide, forever. Maybe if I ignore how I feel for long enough, it’ll go away.

These were the events that compounded to make me the emotionally broken person I was by my mid twenties. I had a lonely upbringing, was never really open or intimate with anybody, then I had some bad experiences talking about gender and sexuality, and that fed into my pattern of never talking about myself, and that grew to encompass everything. The less I told people some things, the less I wanted to tell them anything, and the longer it went on, the harder it was to break, because it felt too awkward to go back and ‘update’ who I was with somebody. That required explaining the version of me they thought they knew was a lie, and having to explain what the hell is wrong with me, and then they’d have to go through a ‘getting used to it’ phase. No, it was much easier to completely abandon a relationship and start again fresh with new people—but then I’d always fuck up with the new people, too.

Family became a curse in this respect, because they were the people you could never start over with, because you couldn’t get a new family. They ended up being the very last people I told about anything, if I could help it. At some point, after I’d become more self-aware and was reflecting on all this, it started to sink in just how sad my situation was: these people in my life didn’t really know me. They only knew the character I played when I was around them.

The trials of dating

I’ve known people who struggle with social anxiety. They have difficulty talking to coworkers or classmates, or asking a store clerk for help with something, or going to a bar and sitting down and talking to strangers. They only interacted with people they already knew and felt comfortable with. In this way, I felt like their opposite, or their inverse, or something. I feel most carefree and comfortable talking to strangers, people who I barely know and have no investment in. There’s nothing to lose, or very little to lose. I’m also good at navigating new, unfamiliar environments. Maybe that’s my lack-of-stability always-on-the-move lifestyle having one silver lining. I start conversation with people I don’t know. If you fuck up, who cares? Laugh about it. There’s nothing to lose. The worst case scenario is they walk away. I think what happens for other people is they dwell on it; the stranger walks away thinking you’re an idiot, and then you replay that moment in your mind for the next 5 years thinking about what an idiot you were. I’m not plagued by that kind of obsession. Where I sometimes experience great anxiety is the inverse case, where I have got to know somebody, and now as a result of that, I have something to lose.

I’m not an easy person to get along with, after shallow pleasantries. I tend to be a very polarizing person: once you start getting to know me, most people seem to either like me or get pissed off. It’s strong emotions in both directions. I also have a pattern of making bad first impressions on people who I’m not engaging in what I anticipate to be a brief, meaningless encounter, like if I talk to somebody in the aisle of a grocery store. That kind of interaction is a performance in both directions; neither of us are acting in the way that we would around our close friends. We’re putting on our interacting-with-stranger hats, and those versions of ourselves interact for a minute, and then we’re off. In other settings, it’s different, because I just don’t bother putting on any hats. Then I have to slowly recover from the bad first impression I make.

I think what happens is people don’t always get why I say or do certain things, and they try to extrapolate, to fit me into a pattern of their previous experiences, which leads to getting a bunch of things wrong because I don’t fit very well into the patterns they’re familiar with. Then again, some other people seem to like me instantly, though that’s far less common. I imagine that I’m kind of like a flightless bird, or a mammal that lays eggs, or something. It probably makes sense that people misjudge me at first, and they aren’t necessarily doing something wrong so much as they’re applying a filter that works of the time, just not this time. I’m basing all of this off observation. I don’t know if it’s true, whatever, go fuck yourself.

Once you find a person you like who likes you, and you get to know each other, now suddenly there’s something to lose: not only access to the person you like, but also the time and effort that you both put in to reach that point. This is what I mean by investment. I have something resembling a fear of rejection, because rejection means a loss of your investment—but I also anticipate it, which is a different type of problem. I sometimes feel a lot of anxiety when I’m around my closest friends, because I don’t want to fuck up and make them upset, because that will accelerate the process of them leaving my life entirely.

I never feel secure with somebody. I never feel as though we’ve reached a point where no matter what I say or do, they’ll stick around and stand by me. I think anyone could leave—and for all I know, I could be on thin ice with any person at any time. Which effectively means I am. There’s an imaginary scale of cost versus benefit that comes from interacting with me. If my cost is too high, it eventually outweighs my benefit, and then people won’t bother reaching out anymore. Actually, it doesn’t even need to outweigh your benefit. The difference—your benefit minus your cost—can just dip below the benefit offered by other people in their life. If that happens, then whenever they have free time, you’re probably not the person they’re going to contact. And that’s basically how friendships end: they fade away.

A relationship, or rather the song and dance that surrounds exploring people as prospective relationship partners—or, uh, ‘dating’—is like a supercharged version of all the worst aspects of friendship. If you talk to somebody and the context is you’re only even interacting because you’re exploring whether you think you’d date each other, everything is different. It’s like you’re on trial, under examination. It’s a job interview, but worse. And people can be so quick to give up and move onto the next person. It’s also a road that, if you go down, leads by design to a high-pressure scenario, because if this person ends up feeling love for you, now they’re at risk of great pain if they don’t get what they want from you. And if that ends up happening, then you feel like it’s your fault. Imagine going in for a job interview, and then if you get the job, your boss says “if you ever quit, I’ll cut myself”. What the fuck? It’s like terrorism. But that’s what looking for a relationship is like, except for some reason this is normal to us. It makes me want to warn people away. No, don’t do it! Don’t fall in love! It’s not worth it! I’m not worth it!

Have you used dating apps? The popular ones are only available on phones, which is a red flag they’re going to suck. But if you look at a graph of how couples meet, the line representing the percentage of people who meet on the internet has only been going up and up over time, even though they’re all terrible and nobody likes them and we all complain about them. But that’s what everyone else is doing, so you have to do it too. Get fucked, welcome to network effects. I’m like Ariel from the Little Mermaid: I want to be where the people are.

The earliest app like this was Grindr. Well, maybe not the earliest, but of all the common ones that you hear about, most of them are newer. The gay one has really stuck around by this point, even though it’s kind of slow and has super intrusive advertisements that consume your whole phone for 10 seconds. Holy shit. The reason I mention Grindr is because it has the best format of any dating app I’ve tried—and being me, I tried them all, just out of curiosity. They’re all virtually the same experience now except for Grindr, which is only because it’s so old.

The Grindr design is there’s an open grid, sorted by how close people are to you, and anyone can instantly talk to anyone else by default, until you indicate you’re not interested by blocking them. Every app that came after Grindr switched this around and made it so nobody can talk to each other until both of you have matched each other. We went from open but with a blacklist, to closed but with a whitelist. So now you have to sit there reading through a feed of people one by one, giving them a binary yes-or-no option on whether or not they even get the privilege of speaking to you. This feels awful. It’s somewhat dehumanizing, actually. I feel like I’m flipping through a shopping catalogue of human beings. And it’s so harsh: within a few seconds, I’m deciding this guy shouldn’t even get the opportunity of talking to me? I feel bad. It makes me just want to swipe right of everybody without even looking. Then at some point, I learned that’s what men do! Which means if you match with a man, that doesn’t guarantee he’s even looked at your profile, so sometimes you’d match with somebody, then hours later when he gets to the app, he checks you out for the first time, and then unmatches you.

I wonder if one day I’ll touch on this part again with a happy update, but I’m not counting on it. I guess I’m not leaving on a high note.

[torturedpoetsx]

╰   ☆  ◞  simone ashley / cis-female / she/her  ———  no way is that RAQUELLE WATERS? you know they’re TWENTY EIGHT years old and they’ve been in los angeles for ONE YEAR. I hear they’re a MUSIC BLOGGER for THE ASTER, which they TOLERATE. oh and they’re notoriously known for being STUBBORN but there are some people who have seen them be GRACIOUS. we did a little digging on them and found out that their most played song is DADDY LESSONS by BEYONCE. RAQUELLE OFTEN gets recognized on the street.

part one: statistics. 

basic information:

full name: raquelle waters

nickname(s): kelly, rocky

age: 28

date of birth: november 24, 1995

place of birth: new york city

gender: cis-female

pronouns: she/her

orientation: heterosexual

language(s) spoken: english, french

neighbourhood: riviera beach

living arrangements: lives with her daughter in a beach house that her parents gifted to her

family ties:

mother: celine waters, 59 years old

father: arjun waters, 63 years old

children: one year old daughter named josephine waters

occupational information:

occupation: music blogger

skillset or specialisation: witty writing skills, has studied music and its origin as well as every note-worthy thing about almost all the music genres

physical appearance:

face claim: simone ashley

hair color: black

eye color: brown

height: 5 ft. 10 in.

build: curvy

tattoos: none

piercings: none

clothing style: mix between traditional / girl next door / boho

personality:

mbti: ENTJ

element: air

western zodiac: sagittarius

chinese zodiac: pig

positive traits: gracious, articulate, adventurous, independent

negative traits: stubborn, harsh, acerbic, at times a little tactless

hobbies: journaling, calligraphy and gardening

wanted connections:

romantic/baby daddy: raquelle got pregnant from a one night stand a year ago. her baby daddy was introduced to her by a friend at a party, they spent the whole night flirting and she ended up taking him home with her. the next morning he was gone. when she found out she was pregnant a month later she thought about asking her friend for his phone number so she could tell him but she was too afraid of he'd reject her.

part two: questionnaire. 

why don’t you start at the beginning and tell us who you are?

"Okay," Her voice wavered slightly, giving away that she wasn't quite comfortable talking about herself. "I'm Raquelle Waters and I'm 28 years old. Is that what you wanted to hear? Or would you like to tell me more?"

what is your place in this massive industry?

Relaxing visibly when the topic changed to a work related question, Raquelle leaned back in her chair with a smile. "I write about this massive industry and everything that comes from it. Tours, album or single releases, debuts, but also the gnarly things like broken contracts or mistreated artists."

life in los angeles can be pretty intense, do you love it or hate it?

The woman let out a sigh, a sort of sad smile crossing her features before it settled into a comforting smile. "I like that it never really gets cold here and it's sunny most of the time. I need my constant vitamin D. But the city can also be pretty rough some times, a lot of people seem to mostly care about themselves and what they can gain from a situation or for a living. People are competitive and while I think it can help you thrive to an extent it can get really ugly really quick. So, to conclude, I think it's a love-hate relationship."

what inspires you to show up for the musicians you work for?

"My passion for music, honestly. And I love to study artists that have been in the industry for a long time, compare them to those who are just starting, spot the differences in their approach to the music they're doing... yeah, I think that's what inspires me greatly." Her gaze met the interviewers as she crossed her legs, fiddling with her fingers a little nervously. She truly wasn't used to being the one answering the questions.

what are some of your favourite genres of music?

"When I grew up, I used to listen to a lot of Classical music and I'm still a fan but these days I love Rock the most. Closely followed by Punk Rock and Indie music."

what is the first record you ever bought?

"St. Anger by Metallica. Yes I know, quite the contrast to the classical music I used to listen to until that point." Raquelle grinned at the other person as she shrugged nonchalantly. "It was a great album, though."

what’s next for you?

"What's next? Oh, I've got a lot planned, my schedule is basically planned out for the next two years. Lots of concerts, smaller gigs, release parties and the likes I have to visit and blog about. I was thinking about starting to do vlogs because my Instagram followers are asking for more content and they want to see the behind the scenes gist of the things I write about... So, yeah. Busy bee until 2026 at the least." She laughed, relief filling her senses that the interview was finally over.

[baekhvuns]

We did it Baek, we beat the MATURE CONTENT allegations! Not sure about this message though 👀 Yes, I'm either meeting idols randomly or missing everything </3

Not being able to see Kai in the MV, fucking jail for everyone!!! I'm glad the comeback seems to be successful despite everything, honestly first Shinee now Exo, good times for the hags! I listened to Baekhyun's debut 10 times in a row to celebrate the anniversary btw!

My overall review of Exist is that I enjoyed the album, I like that it's EASY TO DIGEST, but the songs are catchy enough, I don't go through 100 emotions while listening to it just to end up confused. Anyways, uhmmm what's up with that champagne on the window shield I-?! And Mr Byun being embarrassed for saying sex??? Man, stand up lmao. Ngl, I wish the MV gave a bit more, I also saw people mentioning Suju 😭😭😭😭🔫

So actually some of the past Exo tracks aren't for me, but this album is really sooooolid, it's definitely cohesive sonically, the r&b undertones, THE FUCKING HARMONIES HELLOOOOO EARGASM! But also thematically it's definitely an album made for horny people lmaoooo. I'd have to give it more listens to establish which songs stopd out to me the most, but so far I think Regret It and Private Party are my faves!

Kai is away so Baek is the one serving cunt now?! Who would have thought. Military made Taemin into a bigger baby girl, meanwhile Baek is whoring

Also, let me say I'm so proud of Shinee honestly and the way they can never believe whenever they win, because some fuckass people wanna claim Shinee isn't relevant anymore and they won INKIGAYO!!! TAEMIN DID S CLASS AND HARD CHALLENGE WITH HYUNJIN, HE WENT TO JYP????? Why is he so adventurous all of a sudden

Jamal astrology hoe, pls https://www.pinkvilla.com/entertainment/ncts-jaehyun-to-make-big-screen-debut-with-film-in-6-hours-you-will-die-alongside-park-ju-hyun-kwak-si-yang-1228441 this is the short description 👀 I need more kpop men in unhinged roles, like yeah them playing losers in rom coms is fine but give me something else

Hybe didn't even apologise for the way they treated fans, they justified their actions. Fans were still groped, wtf, sometimes the gender matters, but they were still violated so what difference does it make seriously

So, I'm sure if YSL was in contact with Hwa they'd already invite him somewhere :/ and he'd definitely thank them publicly, but his dedication to get noticed is admirable. Stop because first I saw those sandals on Ten and had to close my eyes and Seonghwa too... Hongjoong's obsession with Olivier Rousteing paid off so fingers crossed, ugh if not I'm personally going to Anthony Vacarello's house ☠

Re: N**m*r: Idk some girlies really love footballers, they have humiliation kink cause I know at least 3 WAG wannabies from London who do that, they don't care those men will cheat on them. They usually just wanna bang and go, lmao kinda respect the hustle, but is it even worth it with some of them... yikes

Omfg no because I saw the Suarez thing and was like HUH, then got confused why RM was posting about it 😭

Baek are you updated on King the Land, because the latest episodes?! They really went for it, it's so cliche idk how it even works, but it does! Do you remember Yoona and Junho dancing to Senorita, because that was an event!!! I also remembered Taeyong and Seulgi and WOW... imagine 4th gen idols doing that ajsvhshajskdavshsjdjd

Insane to think certain idols would be in totally different fields, like business, pilot, chef then tattoo artist, Twitch streamer lmao but here they are in the same fucking group doing aegyo and hip thrusting on stage

Yeah, so I obviously enjoy 4th gen, but 2nd and 3rd gen had the quality, now I see those Tik Tok fucking songs that are under 3 mins and I wanna die!!! Don't wanna be a boomer, easy and fun choreography can be cool, not only for fans to follow, but also idops to perform, but where is the versatility, the creativity...

Shhahdhndjshahhshaaj stop SM people are lurking cause that guy was quick to like Yuta's post?! 😬😬😬😬 and now there are articles about SM being xenophobic <333 like I said, embarrasSMENT... it's a shame they have so many artists I like, because they're literally the worst. And apparently Sungtaro are debuting soon, I will believe it when I see it. Really shitty that they remived Shohei, he's neither in NCT Tokyo nor the other bg :( man is a grown ass adult, let him debut!

Ryan is Ken for life because wtf is he saying?! Margot os serving so many iconic looks during the promo! Btw booked tickets for both Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day lmaooo it's gonna be a fucking ride

You're right, KQ posted the "apology", not even Ateez's account??? And the apology was too vague imo, again if Indian/South Asian fans want to accept it that's their decision, I'm not saying people should cancel them and send then threats (it's happening and it's so bad), BUT some stans are ok with bare minimum, they just wanna move on... :/ that's what I told my friend, imagine if someone wrote a track called Kimchi Song, Asian people get so much shit for their native food, so it's incredibly insensitive. I don't wanna generalise, but I met so many Korean stans and while some were nice, some are simply crazy and lose their morals over kpop. On the other hand, one thing can tip them off, nothing serious and they can go from loving someone to sending them threats and???

It's a shame none of the members apologised, I like to think they wanted to, but idk. San posted on b.stage I thought he'd mention it, I understand it was his birthday, but... :/ I'm not usually personally affected by most of idols' fuck ups, but it always pisses me off regardless

Exo possible collabs??? Exo on Killing Voice, well they definitely fucking killed :o

Shinee, Teen Top, U-Kiss, Exo, Infinite, what year is this?! Remember when we would get so many 2nd/3rd gen ggs comebacks?! 2021 and 2022 😭😭😭😭

Baek, I got two tattoos during my trip and I already made appointments for two more, so pray for me lmao <333

Did you see model Hwa on the cover?! Sadly I don't have high hopes, because it's Cosmo and they usually have boring shoots, so far they look ok (but their clothes are basically their promo/stage fits? 😬) *sigh* - DV 💖

hello!! i answered this but tumblr glitched and wndfkklwef

We did it Baek, we beat the MATURE CONTENT allegations! Not sure about this message though 👀 Yes, I'm either meeting idols randomly or missing everything </3  /// Not being able to see Kai in the MV, fucking jail for everyone!!! I'm glad the comeback seems to be successful despite everything, honestly first Shinee now Exo, good times for the hags! I listened to Baekhyun's debut 10 times  in a row to celebrate the anniversary btw!

WE BEAT THE MATURE CONTENT ALLEGATIONS!!!!

that cream sada is not just about cream soda after all 😀 KAI WOULDVE DEVOURED HE HAS THE FIRST CHORUS TOO 😭😭😭😭 FUCK RAVI, KAI IN A SUIT DOING THAT BODY ROLL WITH HIS GAZE WOULDVE ENDED ME SO BAD FHWJDHWKDHWK im also vv glad it’s successful but sm’s doing everything in their hands to not make it bc what the fuck, all this treatment and everyone still thinking we crazy like ☺️☺️ but this is actually sad. HIS 10TH ANNIVERSARY AND HES A MILLION SELLER AGAIN OH TO BE HIM !!!!!

good times for hags yes!! saw this twt and cried my eyes out rhkwhdwjshkw

sorry what the fuck. u know what i can’t even handle him idk how id handle kai  like ive gone thru theee breakdowns all delulu while wondering why iTS NOT ME WHOS WITH HIM

THIS IS JUST NOW WHAT THE FUCK   )oh im screaming AND MATEO??? BROTHER IN CHRIST??? UR WIFES WATCHING FBHWKDHWK

??? thirty sexy to a new level

i need this man actually

yeah kai possessed him also not kai doing fansigns in the barracks and having men fall for him 😭😭😭

im also vv sorry this is late like idk what happened i met this new person yesterday to do an assignment w my friends and i went home and im immediately sick like i think they hexxed me bc i am SICK 😭😭😭

My overall review of Exist is that I enjoyed the album, I like that it's EASY TO DIGEST, but the songs are catchy enough, I don't go through 100 emotions while listening to it just to end up confused. Anyways, uhmmm what's up with that champagne on the window shield I-?! And Mr Byun being embarrassed for saying sex??? Man, stand up lmao. Ngl, I wish the MV gave a bit more, I also saw people mentioning Suju 😭😭😭😭🔫

I AGREE. I AGREE ITS EASY TO DIGEST ITS EASY TO LISTEN like my ears are not crying im so vv happy w the entire album, i realized many reactio channels said that after heat me out,, it’s so casual r&b like the reactors have grown to love simple music and that song + all the other ones are just so, non fussy??? just straight good music and the choreo??? the best in their career ever. the preciseness??? beat the broken knees allegations 😭😭

cream soda took me three listens to understand and it dawned on me that it’s bc my volume wasn’t up so i listened to it w bass and 😯😯😯 eargasm galore,, it is A HIT. ENTIRE CHORUS BEING A HIGH NOTE, 12/10 OVER FOR EVERYONE EVER FBWKDH ITS SO FUN FUNKY SEXY PERFECT FOR SUMMER AND PARTIES??? vocals wow,,, a new level,,, ur so correct! it didn’t feel confusing but it felt so nice to hear their voices after so long,, THE HARMONIES LIKE???? THE FALSETTO BEING THE ENTIRE CHORUS IS MENTAL PHEWWWW KILL ME SIRE,, champagne on the windshield, u know exactly why 😵‍💫😵‍💫 LMFAOOO NO BC THIS DOES LOOK LIKE THE SUJU MV SHIT THEYRE OLD NOW 😭😭😭ngl me too i wish the mv was just tad bit MORE but i won’t complain bc this mv was filmed on the du of the damn lawsuit so ik none of them said a lot of shit against what to do and what not to 🤚🏻but i think the more i watch it the more i like it,,, cinematography is rly pretty the yellows holds greens purples and reds,,, wow 🫡 very classic, gatsby look just classic exo

just tells me that there’s a lot of incredible music but this talent is 😮‍💨

So actually some of the past Exo tracks aren't for me, but this album is really sooooolid, it's definitely cohesive sonically, the r&b undertones, THE FUCKING HARMONIES HELLOOOOO EARGASM! But also thematically it's definitely an album made for horny people lmaoooo. I'd have to give it more listens to establish which songs stopd out to me the most, but so far I think Regret It and Private Party are my faves!

im going to say U GOTTA RELISTEN TO OBSESSION WND TEMPO IM SORRY I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY LESS 🔫 OASIS SIGN DAMAGE BUTTERFLY AFFECT YA YA YA??? no ur so right this album is so solid and cohesive in the best way possible,,, like the tracks are so well thought out??? the 90’s, r&b pop and synth pop 😭😭 CRYING IK THOSE PRODUCERS WERE LINING UP TO WORK W RHEM UR RIGHT RHE FUCKINF HARMONIES THE WAY I GET SO GASPY WHEN THEY DO THAT LIKE??? this is exactly what i want from atz so bad 😭😭😭 IT RLY IS FOR HORNY PPL LIKE DO U HEAR THE BED CREAKING NOISES 😭😭😭 PRIVATE PARTY PLS DID U HEAR THE BED CREAK this me listening to it

but like im obsessed w no make up and love fool,,, like what the fuck did they put in THOSE SONGS,,, what an album honestly i am always surprised w them in the best way,, like how can u gag me every bc 😭😭 i am obsessed w cream soda

Kai is away so Baek is the one serving cunt now?! Who would have thought. Military made Taemin into a bigger baby girl, meanwhile Baek is whoring /// Also, let me say I'm so proud of Shinee honestly and the way they can never believe whenever they win, because some fuckass people wanna claim Shinee isn't relevant anymore and they won INKIGAYO!!! TAEMIN DID S CLASS AND HARD CHALLENGE WITH HYUNJIN, HE WENT TO JYP????? Why is he so adventurous all of a sudden

NO BC BAEKHYUN???? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING IM ACTUALLY CRYING,, it’s the way kai left them a mission that they need to DANCE and not embarrass him and they are dancing im so sick the footwork is insane,,, taemin bbygirl meowing and baekhyun’s out here showing nips and tongues 😭😭

NO BC ITS TAEMINS REACTIONS TO THE WINS HAVE ME SO HAPPY LIKE HE TRULY CANNOT BELIEVE THEY WON LIKE MF UR A LEGEND??? 😭😭😭 THESE CRUMBS ARE SO WHOLESOME LIKE TAEMIN X SKZ, DARA X EXO, MINHO X EVERYONE 😭😭 AND THUNDER IS GETTING MARRIED??? 😭😭

Jamal astrology hoe, pls https://www.pinkvilla.com/entertainment/ncts-jaehyun-to-make-big-screen-debut-with-film-in-6-hours-you-will-die-alongside-park-ju-hyun-kwak-si-yang-1228441 this is the short description 👀 I need more kpop men in unhinged roles, like yeah them playing losers in rom coms is fine but give me something else

no bc im very excited to see what he does,, kpop’s actors / drama’s have been really good and exciting,,, i just know he’s gonna be so incredibly hot,, do u ever look at jamal and think he’d fit the twilight role so perfectly

Hybe didn't even apologise for the way they treated fans, they justified their actions. Fans were still groped, wtf, sometimes the gender matters, but they were still violated so what difference does it make seriously

no bc do u rmr the mental health polls hybe did?? fans were groped NEAR the new artists,,, i hope a few ppl sue them bc this is so incredibly wrong???

So, I'm sure if YSL was in contact with Hwa they'd already invite him somewhere :/ and he'd definitely thank them publicly, but his dedication to get noticed is admirable. Stop because first I saw those sandals on Ten and had to close my eyes and Seonghwa too… Hongjoong's obsession with Olivier Rousteing paid off so fingers crossed, ugh if not I'm personally going to Anthony Vacarello's house ☠

yeah!!! :( HIS DEDICATION REALLY IS UP THERE I HOPE THEY LISTEN FOR ONCE,, im sorry like those sandals are so whatsapp mom core 😭😭😭😭 KEEP UR GRIPPERS WITH U PLS WE DONT NEED TO SEE 😭😭 omg hongjoong’s manifestation power must be crazy good for rousteing to fall in love w him like that LMFAOOO ANTHONY ITS ON SIGHT

Re: N*mr: Idk some girlies really love footballers, they have humiliation kink cause I know at least 3 WAG wannabies from London who do that, they don't care those men will cheat on them. They usually just wanna bang and go, lmao kinda respect the hustle, but is it even worth it with some of them… yikes /// Omfg no because I saw the Suarez thing and was like HUH, then got confused why RM was posting about it 😭

NO SRS THIS HUMILIATION KINK IS FBKWHDKWHDKW I RESPECT IT BUT THE WAY I CRINGE FBWMDBKW ou not the wag wannabes u know what yeah i also respect the hustle like u go get that ride and dip w the money <3 no bc srs are they even worth it 😭😭😭 YEAH ME TOO UNTIL IT CLICKED AND MY HEART CAME BACK UP FBWJDHSK also why tf is everyone moving to saudi im actually so disappointed in everyone, losing passion over money 😭😭 LIKE BRO UR IN UR PRIME AND UR GOING INTO A NOWHERE LEAGUE

Baek are you updated on King the Land, because the latest episodes?! They really went for it, it's so cliche idk how it even works, but it does! Do you remember Yoona and Junho dancing to Senorita, because that was an event!!! I also remembered Taeyong and Seulgi and WOW… imagine 4th gen idols doing that ajsvhshajskdavshsjdjd

I AM SO UPDATED!!! I LOOK FORWARD TO EVERY WEEKEND FOR NEW EPS the kiss. the way. he was shaking. 😶😶 crying screaming shitting i need them married. YOONA AND JUNHO WON THE IDAF WAR omf do u rmr the cabi song like that was peak idgaf,,, taecyeon and yoona and then jessica 😭😭😭 taeyong seulgi doing a show together???? 👁👁

Insane to think certain idols would be in totally different fields, like business, pilot, chef then tattoo artist, Twitch streamer lmao but here they are in the same fucking group doing aegyo and hip thrusting on stage /// Yeah, so I obviously enjoy 4th gen, but 2nd and 3rd gen had the quality, now I see those Tik Tok fucking songs that are under 3 mins and I wanna die!!! Don't wanna be a boomer, easy and fun choreography can be cool, not only for fans to follow, but also idops to perform, but where is the versatility, the creativity…

RIGHT LIKE KUN AS A PILOT??? 😭😭😭 so random,,, twitch streamer stOP 😭😭😭 here they are being a slut fbwkdhwk ur right!!! thwy had the quality, everyone was releasing bangers it was crazy but the best time for kpo musically!!! UR RIGHT THE TIKTOK SONGS ARE 😭😭🔫,,, no bc this 100% easy and fun can be cool but not having it fit the music,, new choreo is so underrated these days like all we see his hand moves or straight up gymnastics,, give us good food!!!!

Shhahdhndjshahhshaaj stop SM people are lurking cause that guy was quick to like Yuta's post?! 😬😬😬😬 and now there are articles about SM being xenophobic <333 like I said, embarrasSMENT… it's a shame they have so many artists I like, because they're literally the worst. And apparently Sungtaro are debuting soon, I will believe it when I see it. Really shitty that they remived Shohei, he's neither in NCT Tokyo nor the other bg :( man is a grown ass adult, let him debut!

LMFAOOOO BRMWHDKWHDKW HES ON TWITTER FOR SURE,,, EMBARRASSMENT TRULY,, but honestly is it surprising bc sm’s past treatment with their chinese employers and then doing a law suit on them before leaving,, literally,, the idols are the best part of sm honestly 😭😭 YEAH ???? LIKE JUST PUT THEM IN A GROUP AND DEBUT IT OUT also their new bg having jaejoong dna like sm rly loves him 😭😭

Ryan is Ken for life because wtf is he saying?! Margot os serving so many iconic looks during the promo! Btw booked tickets for both Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day lmaooo it's gonna be a fucking ride

LMFAOOOO CORRECT I DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS ON FBWKDHWKDBSK so excited to see it,,, OH UR DOING A DOUBLE FEATURE??? SCREAMING PLS GET THE SEATS NOLAN WANTED PPL TO HAVE stop ur gonna feel the nuke irl 😭😭😭

You're right, KQ posted the "apology", not even Ateez's account??? And the apology was too vague imo, again if Indian/South Asian fans want to accept it that's their decision, I'm not saying people should cancel them and send then threats (it's happening and it's so bad), BUT some stans are ok with bare minimum, they just wanna move on… :/ that's what I told my friend, imagine if someone wrote a track called Kimchi Song, Asian people get so much shit for their native food, so it's incredibly insensitive. I don't wanna generalise, but I met so many Korean stans and while some were nice, some are simply crazy and lose their morals over kpop. On the other hand, one thing can tip them off, nothing serious and they can go from loving someone to sending them threats and???

yeah like the clear difference in followers and posting on the other acc had me side eyeing them,,, was v disappointed that it was yunsanhwa— omg do u rmr lee hyori doing sexy dance on a hindu mantra???? MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR HOW DO U BE THIS INSENSITIVE????? yeah ppl wanna move on but i am definitely side eyeing them for a while 🤨 but honestly i expected it, every idol has to do something like this with their whole chest 😭😭😭

It's a shame none of the members apologised, I like to think they wanted to, but idk. San posted on b.stage I thought he'd mention it, I understand it was his birthday, but… :/ I'm not usually personally affected by most of idols' fuck ups, but it always pisses me off regardless

i do too but that ur right that part,,, it always pisses me off when it be the ppl u never expected??? this one rly had me open my eyes a little like 🤚🏻

Exo possible collabs??? Exo on Killing Voice, well they definitely fucking killed :o  /// Shinee, Teen Top, U-Kiss, Exo, Infinite, what year is this?! Remember when we would get so many 2nd/3rd gen ggs comebacks?! 2021 and 2022 😭😭😭😭

possible collabs,,, i need them to collab on a group album more often. THEY RLT DID BUT I WANTED A PT2 BC THERES SO MUCH AND THEM CHOOSING LOVE SHOT OVER TEMPO??? CRAZY.  watching it made me realize how c razy their discography is, hit after hit and wow 🤚🏻 mr kim jongdae rly does it w so much ease, and baekhyun??? he’s a full time flirter, part time idol

I AM SO EXCITED FOR INFINITE LIKE DBWKDHWKHDKW WE SEE IDOL L 😭😭😭 FINALLY AFTER SO LONG CRYING FHWKDHWK hoping this summer brings good songs for everyone esp the 2/3rd gen groups that are coming back, we need that era back!

Baek, I got two tattoos during my trip and I already made appointments for two more, so pray for me lmao <333  /// Did you see model Hwa on the cover?! Sadly I don't have high hopes, because it's Cosmo and they usually have boring shoots, so far they look ok (but their clothes are basically their promo/stage fits? 😬) sigh - DV💖

WE NEED A DOODLE DRAWING OF THEM RIGHT NOW 🔫🔫 I DID SEE MODEL HWA COVER. ITS ALL BLACK AND WHITE BUT I GUESS ITS SOMETHING 😭😭😭 but did u see jeong yunho. why is he so big like that. i went thru a 15 min blankness looking at him

no cause fbwkdhwk

damn

AND HIM???