#Patrice and Provenza

[ninjakittycomics]

Major Crimes (things that shoulda been)

OK.

I don’t know how to do a “under the cut” 

So, if you need to avoid a spoiler for Major Crimes (which finished in 2017 or 2018, I forget... time is really mussy in my head right now)

Theeeeeeeeeeeen.... take the title and these sentences as a cue to start scrolling away to avoid it :)  (i’ll also make sure to tag it as such)

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ON THAT NOTE, let’s roll.   Spudmeisterin and I were talking about the ending, and how bloody bad/lazy writing it was.   so here’s some points we came up with.

(i realize they wanted to be dramatic and surprising, but they missed the mark)  What would be more surprising, is if they allowed Sharon Raydor to retire happily.   (because killing women for people’s pain so they can finish the impossible task, as well as “close to retirement so must die” and also “i’m happy/just married so must die” tropes are just....so rife.  just soooo rife)

SO.

In my mind, she did.

She had the same heart thing (ouch)  cuz, let’s face it... life can do that.  Whether or not she needed the transplant or was put on a pacemaker and a severe restriction on her job choices/retirement choices, I’ll leave that up to you.

Either way, she’s out for that part of the season.  The rest of the team nails Stroh the cartoon villain serial killer. yada yada.

They come back to her hospital room after Stroh is shot.   Andy is there, as well as Provenza, Julio, Rusty, and Amy.

Sharon is like, “did you get him?” (meaning, did you catch the bastid etc)

Provenza does his little...kinda look down sheepish and is like, captain we had to shoot him.  I shot him.

And Andy chimes in like, “really, he totally did it”.

Which causes Sharon to do that all knowing, “Mmm.”

(she knows that Provenza didn’t do it, but she doesn’t care.  Stroh is done, everyone’s healthy/safe/accounted for.)

they do the usual happy banter, then the nurse is like, she’s still got a long road to recovery, everyone out, she needs rest.

Sharon Raydor retires Officially. (so does Andy)   They had some awful close calls, and they want to enjoy their worlds, and the time they have left.

That doesn’t mean that they don’t do occasional consulting (kinda like alexa crowe in “my life is murder”)

It should be noted that Provenza is unlikely to retire until he literally cannot anymore..  He’s absolutely running the Major Crimes unit.

Rusty becomes a proper DA (working with Hobbs, instead of just interning)

Sharon and Andy embarrass (cutely) the hell out of Rusty at his wedding.  (i can’t decide if he gets back together with Gus, or he finds someone else along his healing journey.  The writers really just flung their story all over the place)

anyhoo. it’s cute.  much goofy dancing.

Provenza gives Best man speech, and Rusty hides his face in his hands on the table.

(ooo.  the night before, part of the bachelor party, the gang goes axe throwing.  Julio and Amy clean up on the bets (but which one wins between them?)

Some times, Sharon, Andy, Rusty, his hubs, Provenza and Patrice, go to disneyland.  it’s a retiree thing/family thing.   They love the really freaking weird rides.  Patrice has a special hat made for Provenza saying “Louie”.  He grumbles at first, but accepts that He’s wearing it, because Patrice is wearing hers ^,^

He won’t go to Disneyworld though, because California is superior (or he’s a grump, it’s hard to say which)

and because it sounds about right to me, Sharon and Andy make it somewhere into their 80′s. 

If anyone else wants to add to some of the ridiculous antics, feel free.  And spuds, I think i forgot a point or two, feel free to add ^,^

[madamairlock]

“Ye Gods, Captain, it isn’t too late to call the whole thing off. I mean, no one will think less of you, least of all me.”

Andy’s dessert is so bad, Provenza is ready to divorce him

But Patrice’s glare is so comical

[caitylove]

Andy Flynn, you did not just give away that Provenza wants to marry Patrice. That's def against the bro code

[hu1inamillion]

WHEN KEEPING IT REAL ... STAYS REAL

[ila9182]

MAJOR CRIMES || MAJOR CRACK!

- WATCH IN HD - 

I know, it has been awhile, but here I am, back with a new video. This one is an experiment, it is my first crack!/song spoof video, so I hope I got it right and that you will all like this video! 

 I'd love to hear what you think about it, what your favorite parts are, so feel free to comment. I'd appreciate that! :) 

 - DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE SHOW (UNFORTUNATELY). NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.

[raydorcakes]

Things that keep me up at night:

Provenza and Patrice had more screen time as a couple and a longer wedding scene than Sharon and Andy. I love Protrice, but it’s crazy that minor characters and their relationships had more screentime than the main character!!

[doctorwhogeneration]

one of the most beautiful senes in entire major crimes

[queen0fhell1]

[pandorabox82]

The day before her big move, Andrea finds a pair of willing helpers on her doorstep, and she is more than grateful for the assistance that they can give,

[veky1993]

MC Positivity Post

Yes, after all the hype, I expected to see more of the wedding. The news clips could have certainly been cut in order to extend that, but I believe it’s safe to assume more has been filmed, but not everything has made it to the final cut. Not for the first time either, I think. So, is it really a surprise that we were left wanting more? *shoots daggers at Duff* Nope. But it is what it is, and there have still been so many beautiful little things I’m so glad we did get to see, and I’d just like to focus on pointing some of those out (feel free to extend the list), rather than to point out things we didn’t, but wish we saw. Because, come on! SHANDY IS MARRIED!

So, on to wonderful moments like these:

1. Emily adores Rusty. Gets it from her mom probably. ;)

2. Buzz is...

3. The case is finally solved, and I know for a fact that there are some people out there who can be all smug for having come up with some theories that were proven right last night! 

4. All that was required of Sharon for the rehearsal was to show up, look great and walk down the aisle.

No, Sharon, you really don’t.

5. This is Andy’s face when he realizes Ricky and Emily’s worrying will not make things any easier on Sharon (or him), despite their valiant attempts and good intentions. 

6. Patrice and Provenza's little exchange as Sharon walked down the aisle.  

7. Andy looks better than usual, which is saying a lot coming from Provenza.

8. Sharon is overwhelmed. Sharon is the cause of her children’s worry, and if you think about Sharon as THE ultimate mother for just one second, the fact that she can’t do anything about it because she’s just as scared and worried as them and hates having to admit that, makes this all the more heartbreaking. And I may have hoped for a bit more of giddy Andy or excited Sharon and her sense of occasion, but they just had their worlds turned upside down, and they’re still wrapping their heads around that, so it’s hard to ignore that dark cloud looming over their heads. But she’s walking down that aisle, and her kids are there, and her family is there, and she’s marrying a guy she loves ‘so, so much’ it brings her to tears. And her heart... With everything she’s trying to process, her heart...

[milquetoast-on-acid]

Major Crimes Fans: FYI TNT will be showing Conspiracy Theory 3 & 4 back to back on 12/19. They will be playing the entire arc starting from 7pm est.

Click here to check out the TNT schedule.

[middleagedships]

Louie and Patrice ↳ Major Crimes 3x12

[madamairlock]

“Makes me want to jump over this railing.”

“With your glass half full, a bottle of wine in your hand, and Patrice here to drive you home?”

A great little Provenza/Rusty moment

[olafur-neal]

Opening lines meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories. (If you have less than 20, just list them all!) See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Tag some people to play the next round!

Tagged by: @doctoraliceharvey

Please note that the frequency at which I post is not the same as how much I write so I have some original content in here and some WIPs.

“Oona took a deep breath as she looked at the elaborate headdress on the pedestal before her.”

“The mother was new to Poplar and being an elderly primigravida Dr. Turner came along to the delivery as a precaution.”

“The cold wood of the playset seeped into Eli’s jeans as he stared off into the distance.”

“Damn the man.”

“Jean rounded the corner at the same time Lucien left his study.”

“The pizza was good, it wasn’t like the pizza he found in Rome, although it was similar to pizza he had in Naples once.”

“He wasn’t allowed outside after dark, it was the one rule at home.”

“Eli loved his niblings but he was unused to being on all the time.”

“His neighbour stood in her doorway, hands on hips and fire in her eyes.”

“Jean peeked into the surgery, apprehension keeping her in the doorway, her script clutched to her chest.”

“Lucien arrived five minutes before Jean's bus was supposed to arrive.”

“Jean could see the sweat beginning to stain through his shirt, his jacket and waistcoat long gone.”

“There had been many times when Andy Flynn had lifted Sharon Raydor off her feet and placed her on a counter.”

“Sharon stood in the kitchen rinsing out her travel mug, and some of her lunch containers, preparing to place them into the dishwasher.”

“Fritz scanned the group around him, some regular attendees, some irregular ones, and one or two new faces.”

“"Snuck away early?" Andy pushed the door closed behind him.”

“Provenza sipped at his beer, his hand entwined with Patrice's under the table, contemplating his two friends as they bantered back and forth.”

“"What do you mean you haven't told your family that you and Captain Raydor aren't dating." Provenza harshly whispered at his friend in the super cubicle.”

“"You okay?" Andy asked as he closed the door softly behind him. It'd been a tough case for everyone involved.”

“Sharon's heels clicked against the tiled floor of the murder room, her measured pace taking her to the interview room.”

Oh gosh a favorite??? Ummm 18 was so fun to write, and I think the first drabble to officially start my summer shandy (quite literally writing those drabbles all summer probably saved my life not even exaggerating so it holds a special place in my heart). 7 is from an original short story that I’m very proud of . But none of this has to do with the lines themselves only the works they come from. So I think my favorite line by itself is a tie 🤣 (I am really bad at this lol) between 4 & 13 they set the tone of the works and are just fun for me.

Major patterns: most of the opening lines set the scene or tone that I’m going for. Which makes sense for me because 1) I’m a visual person, 2) I’m very aware of the mood of a room. So it makes sense that I would start off by informing my readers where the characters are physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. Second thing I noticed is the others started off as quotes which I think is just my affinity for quips tbh. My stargate stuff didn’t make it on the list but Jack O’Neill really influenced my sense of humor and that sort of writing style/dialogue is where I live. Probably also a reason I love West Wing tbh.

Tagging: @ellie5192 @klovenhooves @andallthatmishigas @daringlybelieving I’m blanking on so many more people lol, so if you like this meme go ahead and do it!

[tyhardaway]

Torn between wanting to have attention and success and not caring about having attention and success

–Paul Provenza (paraphrase) on Patrice O’Neal

Yeah, exactly

(h/t xEEx)

[mksc77]

A little World Series celebration/Halloween fic :) Hope y’all like it! 💜

"Hi, you guys," Sharon greeted as Provenza and Patrice followed Andy onto the back porch. She nodded at the bottle of wine in Patrice's hands. "Ahh, this is why we're friends. You bring gifts."

"I got red so Louie wouldn't drink half of it," Patrice murmured as she gave her the bottle. "I've gained a few pounds with all of this isolation and have been drinking more than normal, so I'm trying to cut back."

"So have I," Sharon agreed, "but tonight will have to be an exception. My nerves are already shot, and the game hasn't even started." October had been a crazy month for sports. Sharon nor Andy were basketball fans, but with a local team playing in the NBA finals, they'd watched most of the games and had been excited for a Lakers championship. And admittedly had the best sex they'd ever had afterward. The World Series had started just a few days later, and it seemed like they'd spent most of the month glued to the TV. With neither couple having ventured out in the last week or so, they'd decided that a socially-distanced, outdoor viewing of the game together would be reasonably safe.

Andy was watching the pregame coverage on TV. "Damn, I miss Vin Scully. Baseball still hasn't been the same without him."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "Oh, god, here we go. There better not have to be a seventh game, because I don't think I can handle another night of Scully mourning."

"The man was a legend!" Andy protested.

"Honey, it's been a couple of years since he retired. I think it's about time to get over it."

"Blasphemy," Andy muttered.

By the Fifth Inning, the game was looking grim. "I feel like I'm watching a little girl's t-ball game," Provenza complained.

Sharon raised an eyebrow. "You clearly never saw any of Emily's games. She was probably the only five-year-old in history to turn t-ball into a contact sport. I was actually relieved when she was a little older and decided to give up other activities to put more time into ballet."

Andy shook his head. "Shocking."

"Wait a minute, what's happening?" Provenza asked when the Rays coach trotted out to the pitcher's mound. "Surely, he's not taking out Snell? He's only allowed two hits all night!"

Andy shrugged. "I wouldn't complain. He's made our guys look like they've never held a bat before."

Provenza sipped his wine. "I'm not complaining, either, but this would have to be the dumbest call—yep, there he goes. This is about to be a gamechanger…He's putting Anderson in? He's been pathetic all month!"

"Did Cash bet against his own team or something?" Andy asked. "It's like he's trying to lose this game."

True to their prediction, Betts almost immediately hit a double down the left field line. After a wild pitch and another hit, the score had turned from a 1-0 deficit to a 2-1 lead in just a few plays.

"There are the boys I know and love," Sharon commented, finishing off her glass of wine and pouring another.

By the last inning, with the Dodgers up by two and one out away from winning the game, Provenza massaged two fingers against his chest. "I don't know if it's the wine or this game that's giving me heartburn. Do you know where my little purple pills are?" He asked Patrice.

"Yeah, in the cabinet right beside your little blue ones," Patrice answered, without hesitation.

"A simple yes would've sufficed," Provenza grumbled.

Andy laughed, and Sharon just focused on her wine glass, trying not to laugh, herself. "I hope there's some Xanax in there somewhere, too," Sharon whispered to Patrice.

"No, that's in my purse." Patrice rolled her eyes. "I'm not above crushing some into his wine glass when he leaves it unattended."

Rusty looked confused. "What's the big deal about blue pills—oh, gross," he whined, connecting the dots.

"Okay, come on, one more strike," Sharon murmured, looking back at the TV. "All right!" Everyone except Rusty jumped up and cheered, yelling and high-fiving. Rusty didn't get the baseball obsession and just watched.

"As much as I'd love to stay and celebrate, it's time to shift the focus to a different variety of balls," Provenza said, indicating for Patrice to get up. "If we don't get home soon, I really might need one of those blue pills, but we're celebrating, one way or the other."

"Do we have to hear this?" Rusty complained.

"It can't be unheard," Andy lamented. "There goes any desire I had to celebrate." Patrice's Viagra jab had been funny, but the following dialogue had been a boner-killer if he'd ever heard one.

"Ewwww, not you, too!" Rusty fled into the house before his gag reflex could be tested any further.

Sharon, a little affected by the night's wine consumption, just laughed helplessly at Provenza's eagerness to get home and Andy's and Rusty's disgust. When the Provenzas were gone, she ran a bath and got one more glass of wine. She'd expected Andy to join her in the bath, as she hadn't thought he'd been serious about his own desire to "celebrate" being gone, but when she got out and found him reading in bed, she was a little disappointed. Still wrapped in her robe, she nibbled at his ear and moved to his neck, thinking she just needed to get things started herself, but Andy shook his head. "Not tonight. I won't be able to do anything without Provenza being in my head, and that's just weird."

"Oh, come on, Andy, the Dodgers just won the World Series for the first time in decades, and in the same month as an NBA championship! When will we have this chance again?"

"I don't know, but not tonight," Andy answered dramatically.

"You can call all the shots," Sharon pleaded. "Whatever you want."

Andy shook his head, unmoved.

Sharon shrugged. "All right, fine." The question wasn't whether or not they were having sex tonight, she would see to it that they did, the question was just how to get there. Her first impulse was to reach for the navy chemise that he could never resist, but something about the situation wanted her to make it a little more challenging than that. Instead, she pulled one of Andy's Dodger's t-shirts over her head and slipped on a pair of panties she knew he loved. "I'm cleaning out my closet tomorrow, so I'm going to go ahead and rearrange some things if we're not doing anything else."

Seeing that Sharon was just in one of his old t-shirts, Andy was relieved that she wasn't going to try to seduce him, so he let his guard down. He went back to his book, but couldn't help but watch her out of the corner of his eye. Damn, those legs. They fucked him over every damn time. He admittedly quivered a bit when she stood on her tiptoes and reached for something at the top of her closet and he could see the lacy, rose-colored panties he loved for her to wear peeking out from under the hem of his t-shirt. Closing his book, his attention was now on her entirely, as he still felt safe from her trying to get him in the mood. He could just enjoy the view and leave it at that. Or not. He was done for when she bent over to put something on a bottom shelf. "All right, fine, you win. Let's do it."

Sharon turned to look at him, wide-eyed and the picture of innocence. "What? I think if I've put on an old t-shirt and am cleaning out my closet, you can assume that the moment has passed."

"Please," it was Andy's turn to beg, "whatever you want. And I'll make sure you finish, one way or the other."

Sharon pretended to think it over. "I mean, if you really want to…"

"Yes. Please. And I'll do the dishes and laundry for a week. And I'll wear that godawful chimney sweep costume for Halloween."

"Deal." Sharon bit back a smile as she pulled her t-shirt over her head. Did she know this man, or what? He was so damn easy.

The next morning, Sharon woke up in Andy's arms, which didn't happen all that often. She wasn't a cuddly sleeper, much to Andy's dismay, but she hadn't had the energy to push him off of her during the night.

"Hey," Andy mumbled, feeling her start to stir against him. Eyes still closed, he tightened his arms around her and pulled her closer to him.

"Hey." Sharon yawned and nuzzled into his shoulder. "I'm still a little weak in the knees after last night, I've gotta say."

Andy kissed the top of her head. "That makes two of us. Damn. We even scared Poppy out of the room."

MCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMC

On Halloween morning, Sharon was reading in the swing on the porch while Rusty studied at the table nearby. Andy walked up the back steps after working in the yard. "What do you want to do for lunch?"

Sharon looked at her watch. "It's 10:00, honey, I haven't gotten that far yet."

"It's only 10:00?" Andy wasn't adjusting to retirement very well. Being confined to the house did not suit him at all. Sharon wasn't a sedentary person, by any means, but she was better at finding things to do and setting personal goals for herself to keep her occupied than he was. She'd been exercising and meditating more than she'd ever had time for before, and while Andy worked out, he still had trouble filling his days.

"Afraid so." Sharon eyed the pumpkins lining the porch steps. "Why don't we carve the pumpkins? That'll be fun, and it'll take some time."

"Anything to distract me from Trademark Law," Rusty agreed. "I'm about to lose my damn mind."

Andy shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

"Nothing gross, Andy," Rusty warned.

Andy tilted his head. "So breasts are out of the question?"

"Mo-om!" Rusty complained.

Sharon rolled her eyes. "Both of you, stop torturing each other!" They had been driving her insane for the last few months.

A little while later, Andy was the last to finish his pumpkin. Sharon and Rusty had taken traditional approaches, but Andy had taken a different direction. "This is my general attitude toward this whole year," he grinned, turning his pumpkin around.

"Wha—Andy!" Sharon shrieked with laughter when she saw "fuck off" carved into his pumpkin. "But you're not wrong about that."

Late that afternoon, Sharon was putting the finishing touches on her Mary Poppins costume. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss last year's costume arrangement," Andy lamented, referencing a bet he'd lost with his commanding officer which resulted in a terrible costume for him, but a low-cut, form-fitting dress of a costume for Sharon, which he was always on board for. There was no party this year, but they were planning to sit at the end of their driveway with their neighbors and cocktails for those who imbibed, which was about as close to a costume party as they could get. "Was there not at least a sexy Mary Poppins option?" he whined, indicating her high-necked white blouse and knee-length black skirt. "Halloween is a good excuse to get away with being revealing, but I'm getting nothing from this."

"Oh, really? I guess that makes my night a little less taxing, then." Sharon leaned closer to the bathroom mirror to apply her lipstick. Shocking no one, Andy had honed in on her ass and otherwise barely seemed to notice she was in the room. He was so full of shit. Men. She gave him a knowing look. "But you know you can always sweep my chimney any time."