#Parentblr

[ahedderick]

Teen summer

Sitting quietly on an August morning, pondering my teen daughter's summer.

Her older brother moved out, down to Home Farm, and acquired a Roommate - so she not only got to spend lots of time in Brother's house, but also received a free, bonus brother. Roomate brought Missile the thoroughbred/quarterhorse cross to the pasture, so they have been riding a whole LOT more than she would have ridden on her own. The had to ride after dark through the worst of the heat, but horses have decent low light vision; no problem.

She had ordinary chores; farm animals, cleaning, a bit of cooking and canning, and garden - but only a very reasonable amount. She had one summer class online, but it was a rather compact seven weeks, and not too hard.

Friends. Tons of friends, really. College friends who traveled here to guest with us for a weekend, local friends. She is very blessed that way.

Swimming. Riding. Hiking. Catching crayfish. The Fair. Berrying. Caving. Travel. Family events. Gardening. Crochet, painting, drawing. We didn't manage to do the biking we wanted to do, but there's always something that falls off the list.

It's hard not to be jealous, really. But I know how hard I worked to break cycles and provide my kids with the opportunities they have for a safe, peaceful, pleasant life. Success comes as a surprise.

She's packing, now to leave for school on Sunday. I sure will miss her.

[case-study-of-parenting]

Inspired by "wine mom culture", I wanted to make a poll about parents' alcohol consumpition when their kids are present. Please read everything before voting!

For this poll "kids" means children under 15 years AND the one answering the poll must be considered their guardian. "Present" means in the kids are in the same house and awake. (If them being asleep makes a difference for you, feel free to comment that in the tags)

[ashadeintheshade]

Parents don’t want color coordinated plaids for the holidays we just want sleep

[joellesolo]

Lil started preschool this week, which has been great! except she wasn't routed in time for the bus (which is in her iep) which sucked. So there was a lot of farting around, Peanut being late to school, and grandparents stepping up to bat to help get Pea to school while I took Lil to school because their schools are twenty minutes apart.

But she starts the bus on Monday, and I'm just... super nervous, and worried, and anxious. Because she'll be on it in the morning for almost an entire hour! I feel like that's a lot of time to be stuck on a bus in a car seat with no one you know at three years old?! The ride home is only a half hour long, which is much much better, but still... just super worried.

She is totally loving school (even though they don't attend Wednesdays) and is only there for two and a half hours but, with this bus stuff, will be gone from the house for four hours. That's a long time for a little bun! So now I'm frantically researching airtags and stuff just because I'm so nervous and like... yeah. I don't know. If you use an airtag to keep track of your bus kids (or something similar) what do you think? Is there a better way?

I'm just nervous. An hour seems like a long fucking time to be stuck on a bus. And I can't give her like, a book or something, because she's too young to guarantee putting it in her backpack at the end of the drive you know? And that's obviously not something the bus driver needs to be worried about, with a bus full of preschoolers that are all on ieps... ugggghhh.

I'm just so nervous for her. Hopefully she's fine and I'm worried about nothing.

[v-tired-queer]

My goddaughter: *gets up from her spot and starts walking sway*

Me: Where are you going?

GD: *points out of the room*

Me: Can you use your words?

GD: Yeah! 😃

GD: *says nothing more and just walks away*

Me: . . .

[ahedderick]

Kids, man

Oh, geez. I can't even remember how funny stuff got passed around in the earlier days of the internet. I do know that lots of people would forward 'humorous' emails around, and it was difficult or impossible to figure out who had created the original content. However. I remember one of those pass-arounds was a list of things you had to do to be able to say you were "ready" for parenthood. Two things from that list have stayed with me forever.

One: In order to prepare for having children, take a live goat to the grocery store with you. You have to get through the store and buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat destroy anything or harm anyone. If you plan on having multiple children, you must take multiple goats. (If anyone wants to borrow a goat for this purpose, Nutmeg volunteers)

Two: Suspend a whole cantaloupe from the ceiling by a string. Cut a small hole in one side of the cantaloupe. Get some Cheerios and milk in a bowl. Now, set the cantaloupe swinging gently. Try to spoon the Cheerios into the hole in the melon.

Just those two things had me laughing until I cried. I had really good kids, mind you! But we certainly had our challenging moments. Those items sound like they are humorously exaggerated. However. I must tell you. They are not.

@rederiswrites do you remember any moments like that?

[ahedderick]

As the mother of two young adults, it definitely worked for me.

I believe in gentle parenting. Unfortunately many people refuse to parent their child at all under the guise of gentle parenting. Sometimes you’ve got to look your fourth grader in the eye and say “Little dude, that was an asshole move.”

[chin-chillax]

Me watching this baby shove away his bottle at every opportunity just to excitedly suck on his own hands.

“I had a craving only hands could satisfy”

[nycfoodieblog]

Watch "Starting baby food | Unbelievable baby weaning solid food for smart brain & metabolism| Baby foods" on YouTube

[jotfabe]

Yet another misleading image caption, smh. That kid is clearly leading his mother to a drunkard's grave. Any parents on here will confirm this is actually what happens.

Pickles are a gateway drug. The first gherkin is free.

[gwyneirastorm]

As a mother to a toddler, FUCK YOU, UNIVERSAL. FUCK YOU AND YO MOMMA AND THAT LAME ASS SHOW YOU RODE IN ON.

GET. FUCKED.

[saintofsacrilege]

so desperate for jayroy content that i’ve decided to infiltrate parentblr and pretend every op is none other than roy harper

[ahedderick]

Teens and Twenties

Spend twenty years agonizingly "Breaking the Cycle" and then turn around and look at your cheerful, emotionally mature and healthy young adult children and say "How did this happen?!"

I'm so proud of them, and I worked very hard to have this outcome. It can be almost baffling, though. You mean, I could have been like this when I was 20? I thought I was doing well, back then - but it was all duct tape, string, and an industrial-strength mask with cracks around the edges! NOW I realize what young adults are supposed to look and act like!

Damn. Crazy. Well, no time to cry, have things to do.

[alixathome]

Homemakers discord is now up!!

[creatures-that-wont-die]

I wish there was a parent fandom on tumblr 😫 like i want people to think its as hilarious as i do, that Child is not even 2 years old so she has a limited vocabulary but she says Yeet every time she throws something

[callmebliss]

I got really really lax over the summer about bedtimes for the Spawn. Then we hit the beginning of the school year and everybody kindasorta buckled down. I was still playing it kinda loose though, giving Eldest a lot of leeway to finish a thing without me waiting, letting SALM and Daughterchild do their ferrets-and-toothbrushing routine together, getting Youngest to bed most nights with lights out but letting the screens stay in his room. Letting everyone’s screens stay.

It was a mistake.

They have all been staying up late most nights, sneaking extra screen time. Youngest missed a day of his remote learning because he’d stayed up all night and then when classes started they weren’t as interesting as his game and his bed was Right There... Daughterchild has a bunch of friends both in meatspace and electrospace that she does a lot online with, and folks being in different time zones (not to mention the crises that happen in your teens that you share with other teens) are a big draw for staying up. Eldest is all about the multiplayer gaming and Discord contact. I’ve talked with each of them about it individually. But, last night?

Last night I stayed up past bedtime with DC and YS, who both needed to eat, and had fun chatty hangout time (“tax fraud is my kink” is not a phrase I ever expected to hear one of them say, but). It was almost 11 by the time I collected laptop and Switch from YS (part of a previously agreed-upon plan to reduce temptation and help him sleep), said good night to DC, and told ES it was time for lights out. I went upstairs and zonked out.

Two hours later I was awakened by a noise, and shortly thereafter a door slam. SALM was already (still?) awake. He’d already gone down an hour before, he said, and found everybody still awake and all the lights on. He went down again and found Youbgest up in the living room, watching TV with his headphones plugged into the Roku remote.

I was so pissed it was hard to fall asleep.

When I got up five hours later I showered, and thought, and thought, and dressed. Then I woke everyone with sharp knocks on their doors and instructions to get dressed and come to the kitchen for A Talk. They all filtered in one by one, sleepy and glum, while I made oatmeal and eggs, and I talked.

I pointed out that getting up after bedtime had been a violation of my trust; Eldest had said he was going to finish a game and go to sleep, Daughterchild said she was going to do ferret water and brush her teeth and sleep, and Youngest had already done the good night and hugs and lights out. They had all broken their word. Worse, I said, this isn’t the only time it has happened; they’ve all been getting back up, sneaking time, exhausting themselves and lying to me. It was a pattern, maybe even a habit.

So, effective tonight, I’m collecting all their screens at 9pm sharp. Computers, switches, phones, everything will go into my space for the night so they can wind down away from the blue light that tricks their brain into thinking it is still daytime and they need to stay awake. It will force a break from all the things that are so much more attractive than mere sleep.

I get it, I told them. Being awake late at night just hits different, especially as a teen. It feels a little taboo and a little grownup, and it’s exilhirating to stay up late. But not only is all their schoolwork suffering, but it’s damaging their physical health, and mental, leaving them tired and suffering difficulty focusing.

I asked them if they had anything they wanted to say about it, and discussed stuff like adjustments in self-directed scheduling to account for not having a phone or laptop right there to check time or take notes. They ate breakfast. They scattered to their rooms to start getting set up for their first Zooms. I took a deep breath.

It had gone well.

I was prepared for intense pushback, for yelling, for tantrums and resentment. Instead I got understanding and agreement that was reluctant at worst. And a few minutes later DC came back to the kitchen to tender an apology, and ask if there is anything she can do to start repairing the trust she broke or is it gone forever.

“It isn’t gone forever. You just need to do the things you say you are going to do. Be as good as your word - that’s how you rebuild the trust. The fact that you want to already means a lot to me. I love you.”

We hugged - she doesn’t hug much, so that felt enormous - and she went off to class. A little while later I got a text from her thanking me, and telling me she’s glad we’re doing this because she thinks it is going to help her physical and mental health.

Off I went, then, to my errands of the morning: to the credit union to fill out fraud paperwork and get a new card; to the grocery store to do the week’s shopping; to JoAnn’s for pins and some pendant bails; to the high school to pick up a book for Eldest; to the town hall to drop off my ballot. Now I am home, groceries away, lunch eaten, and ready to embark on laying out cloth to pin and cut and sew a homemade Princess Bubblegum costume because Halloween is coming.

Through all of it I’ve been mentally picking away at why this morning’s meeting went differently than I expected. It is because, I think, I have stopped parenting the way that I got parented. I don’t just yell and say a behavior is unacceptable and punish unilaterally. I explained the problem. I pointed out how it was hurting them, and the aspect of it that also was hurting me. The change we are implementing is reasonable and seeks to rectify the problem.

Getting better at parenting feels pretty great, y’all