tsamsiyu ta'em - a butterfly's wings
Masterlist - part eight
Summary: The forest is left behind and a vast ocean takes its place.
Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character
Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic
posted on ao3
Word Count: 6k+
Taglist (bold indicates “could not tag”): @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix tojisleftarm andyfromku
Warnings: canon-compliant, canon-typical violence, mature language, adult content, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, alien/human (technically avatar), jake sully sister agenda, time skips, I'm trying to hurry up and get to the good parts so bear with me, fluff, angst, adopted spider, tags to be added
A/N: Thank you for 400 followers 🙏 ❤️
After quickly grabbing a few essentials, Kayla packed all of it up onto Thena and took off, not bothering to wait for the gunship knowing it was going to catch up to her right away. She flew high over the forest canopy until she was suddenly leaving the forest and gliding over the ocean. Looking over her shoulder, she stared back at the cliff sides leading back to the world she had only begun to know, starstruck and a little heartbroken. She stomps down her sadness and turns back around, stubbornly looking ahead. Norm and Max weren't that far behind her, idly flying at a safe distance between their gunship and Thena. Norm stayed in his avatar the whole flight and would occasionally talk to Kayla through their throat mics and earpieces to entertain each other, warning her of the long flight ahead. Using her new ionar to shield her eyes from the wind, Kayla was easily comfortable for the first few hours of the flight, but the inner, hidden child in her was so very tempted to ask Max 'Are we there yet?' after her back was starting to protest the whole trip.
Flying over the oceans of Pandora was breathtaking. It felt as if there was nothing between her and the water, floating over its vast blanket of dark blue like a dream... a dream that felt all too familiar but when she tried to grasp onto that memory, it slips away from her. Kayla could've sworn that she's been in this predicament before, but fails to remember when and where exactly.
Norm explains that their destination is Awa'atlu, a Metkayina village. It's an eight-hour flight by ikran, including three-hour rest stops for the animal. Norm and Max would've gotten there faster if it weren't for the fact that Thena needed to rest her wings occasionally. Kayla's weight wasn't an issue for her and the banshee could've easily gone all the way if it weren't for all the things Kayla had hurriedly strapped to her ikran's back. There were plenty of tall, rock formations randomly sticking out of the ocean. Rock formations as tall as the trees of the forest, standing alone due to erosion and evolution, with flat surfaces that had plenty of space for an ikran and a gunship to land on. The small group land to rest and stretch their legs for a few hours with the hopes that they'll only need one pit stop, then they continued on their way.
The first thing Kayla sees is a large island, the first she's seen since leaving the forest, surrounded by various smaller ones. As they flew closer, the island only grew larger and more beautiful. Kayla had to tilt her head up just to see where the very top of the island goes through the clouds.
Completely encompassing this island was a wall, but Kayla could only see a small portion of it as it wraps around and disappears behind the island, out of her sight. The wall looked to be made of twisted and turned tree roots, diving and weaving through each root like an overly large bracelet meant to only fit on the wrist of Eywa herself.
Norm was looking out in awe of the wall from the open doors of the gunship. His hair was flying over his face due to the harsh winds whipping around him, but when he looks off to the side to spot Kayla flying at a safe distance beside him, he could see the equal wonder in her eyes. He presses his fingers into his throat mic and tries yelling over the wind and gunship blades, "It's called an atoll wall! It's completely made of coral over thousands of years old. It keeps the Sea Na'vi somewhat protected, but it also helps with their ecosystem. While it protects them from overly large predators, the seawall also provides means of food."
Large ocean waves crash against one side of the wall like an unforgivable beast, while the other side is peaceful and calm, full of serenity and beauty. Kayla could see what Norm had meant as they finally flew over the wall, observing the large tidepools that run up and down the inside of the wall like stairs. Dozens of Metkayina People were occupying these various pools, with nets, baskets, and spears at their disposal. Kayla couldn't get a better look from that high up, but from what she could tell, the Reef People already looked vastly different from what she was used to in the forest.
She continued to look over her shoulder, still amazed at the wall behind her as Norm continues to educate her about it, "The Reef People believe that Eywa created the seawall to promote life and let it thrive inside its safety."
"Guys, we're here," Max announces through the radio.
Kayla turns back around, facing forward on her ikran. After passing the seawall, the vast dark blue ocean is gradually replaced by a soft aquamarine green beneath her, indicating that the depths were becoming more shallow and Kayla quickly realized to her amazement that she was now flying over a beautiful lagoon, flowing with all sorts of marine life.
Looking up, just two miles off the atoll wall was the village of Awa'atlu, which at first glance just looks to be a large gathering of mangrove trees hanging over the edge of the island and dipping its roots into the beaches. Kayla's breath is taken away from the sheer size of the mangrove trees that act as shelter for the hundreds of Metkayina dwellings that hang and weave between the trees' roots. Between each marui, she could see floating walkways, weaving in and around each of the Metkayina homes, connecting them all together as one, vast network.
A horn blows one, long note in greeting to the weary travelers and more than likely warning the village of newcomers. Kayla flies all around the whole border of the village, making several sweeps while the gunship hovers over one spot, patiently waiting for further instruction.
Eventually, Kayla spots two figures running out onto the beach, flailing their arms in the air to get her attention. Her heart squeezes painfully when she recognized the darker blue skin and flexible tails, standing out against the crowd of Metkayina. Kayla presses into her throat mic, "I got eyes on Devil Dog and Pathfinder."
"They're directing us," Max observes, keeping the controls of the gunship steady, "Looks like we're gonna be landing in those shallow sand dunes over there."
Norm nods in acknowledgment and presses into his throat mic, "Kayla, keep flying circles until we land. Then bring Thena in."
"Copy that."
The gunship finally lowers, as slowly and as carefully as possible even as crowds of Metkayina gather around the landing zone. Kayla continues to circle the scene from above, watching as the sand and sprays of water fly everywhere like swirling clouds, forcing all bystanders to turn away and shield their eyes before they are blinded, their hair wildly flying out of proportion.
Norm hops out just as the gunship begins to hover inches from the sand then softly landing. Norm moves over to Jake, extending his arm out to Toruk Makto and then pulling him into a brief embrace. Jake looked relieved as he affectionately slapped the center of Norm's back, both happy to see his old friend and relieved to have help finally arrive after contacting them hours prior.
"Hi."
"It's good to see you," Jake offered before following Norm back to the gunship, "Let's get the gear. Neteyam!"
Neteyam perks up over the roar of the blades and engine, directing his attention to his father as Jake shouts, "Neteyam, keep them back!"
"How is she?" Norm asks loudly as Max finally begins to cut and slowly turn off the engine. Norm had crawled back into the gunship and with the help of a frantic Jake, begins to start unstrapping and unloading the supplies from the ship.
"She's still unconscious!"
With one final, echoing screech, Thena gracefully lands, softly touching down into the sand. The ikran pants aggressively, taking large, violent breaths, exhausted from the journey as Kayla jumps off, disengaging from tsaheylu. The avatar doesn't bother to look around at all the blue eyes staring strangely at her before she's jumping into action and helping the others unload the gunship of its medical supplies. Max hands her a trauma kit before he, too, jumps out of the gunship, mask firmly in place, significantly standing smaller than even Neteyam as the teenager approaches to help. Neteyam takes one, brief moment to widen his eyes at the sight of his aunt before she hands him the trauma kit and flashes an encouraging smile.
They're practically dragged through the village in order to get to the Sully marui. Everything was moving so fast, Kayla felt as though she couldn't catch her breath. The group makes haste through the village, like a freight train. She had only been able to catch glimpses of the Metkayina as she passed by, not close enough to grab any smaller details but it was hard to miss their most prominent features. These Na'vi were clearly strong with their broader shoulders, flat, paddle-like tails, and strake forearms attached to large, wide hands. Their skin was lighter than the Omatikaya's, leaning close to that light, aquatic green that could easily blend into their surrounding reefs and lagoons. Their stripes didn't appear to have a purpose or pattern, but scattered and swirled like gentle ripples of water, as if reflecting sunlight through the ocean surface.
Before she could look further into it, Kayla was brought to the Sullys' new home. It was a large marui meant for a large family, on the edge of the village with a beautiful view of the ocean without any other pod obstructing it. Stepping inside, Kayla marveled as a cascade of glowing blue light fell over her skin. Looking up, she noticed the light coming from one wall of the tent where instead of the usual woven fibers and leather meant to hold a marui together was a thin, transparent membrane of an animal, dyed blue to allow light and color through the home like a suncatcher. Her wonder is broken as fast as it had started when Norm and Max speed past her to get to their patient, shaking Kayla from her admiration and getting to work.
With no time to waste, Kayla helps set Max and Norm up with their gear and can't afford to even look down and inspect Kiri for herself. When she's done, she knows that there's nothing else she can do, her expertise never going as far as scientifically or medicinally. With so many people completely surrounding the unconscious Kiri, Kayla exits the pod, stepping out onto the walkways and only now realizing that every step she takes causes her to bounce.
"Auntie?"
Looking up, Kayla's expression completely lifts when she noticed a small crowd of teenagers anxiously waiting outside the marui, two of which she recognized. Sighing in relief and holding her arms out, Kayla pulls Lo'ak and Neteyam in for a group hug, squeezing them tightly before stepping away to get a better look at them, "Look at you. You look so strong. Both of you."
And they were. Both Neteyam and Lo'ak had noticeably more muscle in their arms, legs, and torsos, their diaphragms shaped around their strong lungs. They were still the same height as before, but their style had slowly oh-so gradually changed from beads and brown twine into small seashells and dark green seaweed. Kayla beamed while looking over Lo'ak, her hand finding a resting place on the top of his head, "I like your hair, Lo'ak."
Neteyam smiles and adds to his little brother's sudden bashfulness by patting the top of his head as well, earning a hiss in response. The younger Sully boy no longer kept his hair loose, but pulled back in a simple hair tie, closer to the style Kayla has noticed among the Metkayina hunters. Lo'ak was cowering under the attention until he looked over his aunt's shoulder and his entire posture stiffens, spine straightening and eyes unable to look away from whatever was approaching. Kayla frowns and turned around just as Neteyam was herding her to stand off to the side. A small sea of Metkayina part two separate ways down the woven path and between them walks a female Metkayina.
Kayla wasn't sure what was the first thing she noticed about this woman. It might've been the sea shell ornament resting against her forehead, or perhaps it was the stone-cold green eyes or the facial tattoos framing them. The woven top shielding her chest was beautiful, fitted with a cascade of mother of pearl. Her skirt was clearly a symbol of her rank considering that Kayla has never seen another Na'vi woman wear that. The skirt was long, flowing, and decorated in dyed seagrass, shells, and flower petals. It only went up as far as her waist, gently hugging the woman's baby bump, her torso tattoos stretching and flowing around said bump like a wave.
She exuded regal confidence, easily earning respect from all she passed by like it was an honor to be in her presence. Her walk alone was intimidating, beelining for the Sully marui with a purpose. Behind her was a young Metkayina girl who was clearly her daughter, a twin in every way except for her height and lack of tattoos. The girl held a basket that was clearly full of healing properties and handed them to her mother when the woman turned around for them. The Na'vi woman didn't spare a glance at anyone, charging into the marui with a task in mind and nothing else. Clearly, the tsahik of the Metkayina.
Within moments of the mysterious woman entering the Sully home, Kayla could hear Neytiri's stern demand for everyone to leave. Frantic scurrying could be heard within the marui and Kayla couldn't help but roll her eyes at the three full-grown men, Na'vi and human alike, who could easily scatter with just one look from Neytiri.
Jake is the last one out of the pod, herding Norm and Max away, "Okay, everyone out. Give Kiri some air."
Norm and Max obey, crouching off to the side and going over what they did or didn't find while inspecting Kiri. Jake gives them a moment to go over everything while he takes the chance to get a better look at his sister. Looking around, he easily found her down the walkway, standing with his sons and anxiously waiting for news about Kiri. She still prefers to wear her red-brown crop top and cargo shorts, as he observed, but there are tiny pieces of Omatikaya culture now embedded into her style. Instead of her usual combat boots, she now goes barefoot and has lovely leather braided anklets on both ankles, her toes and fingers painted a warm, coffee-brown color. Her DMT tags are still dangling from around her neck, but as for her throat mic, Kayla has incorporated that piece of RDA technology into a beautiful red and orange thread-woven choker. The earpiece is still settled comfortably in her ear, but she has since gotten said ear pierced and she had a chain attached to both the piercing and the earpiece in case it dislodged.
He couldn't ignore the clear starting signs of a songcord hanging from the belt loop of her cargo shorts. There wasn't much of the cord itself with only one or two small beads here and there, but at the very end of it, resting against her thigh was a small compass about the size of a thumbnail.
It was both strange and uplifting to see, given the circumstances. His sister had clearly progressed in the clan since he left, but it was bittersweet knowing that he had missed it all, only now able to see what she's accomplished in the midst of saving his daughter's life. Jake wished that they had reunited under happier times, "Kayla."
She looks in the direction of his voice and clocks Jake making his way toward her, arms wide open for a hug. Before he takes another step she stops him with a simple, but very distinguished hand gesture, her fingers touching her forehead before she lowered her hand in his direction, bowing her head in respect,
"Ma tsmukan. Oel ngati kameie."
The greeting wasn't very genuine, but it was courteous at best. Jake immediately lowered his arms and cleared his throat, nodding back while offering a fleeting smile, "Good. You sound... good. And I saw your banshee flying in. Congrats."
"Her name is Thena," Kayla crossed her arms, still a little stiff with her words but indulged in the small talk, "I didn't learn as fast as you did, according to Norm, but he's been a big help teaching me when he can."
Neither sibling says another word. He doesn't ask and she doesn't tell. Neither admits to their prior faults or even acknowledges them, so Jake returns to Norm and Max, crouching beside them and starting to list off all the signs that had previously pointed him to Kiri's seizure. Kayla listens, but from a distance, listening about the time Kiri admitted to Jake that she could feel Eywa all around her. When Norm brought up epilepsy, Kayla slowly tuned it out, wishing she hadn't heard it in the first place. She didn't want to think about what this would mean for Kiri, thinking back to that little baby girl she saw on the video log.
A tiny pit of guilt lingered in her gut. She should've mentioned that she had seen the video logs. She should've at least told Jake she watched them all, but she didn't. At the same time, a stubborn part of her reminded Kayla that regardless of whether or not she watched them, she still shouldn't forgive Jake. The amount of apologies he sent her way doesn't justify what he had done, and no amount of apologetic video logs will ever fix that.
There's a cry coming from the marui that erases all troubling thoughts from Kayla's head, and all eyes look up and turn to the pod. Neteyam and Lo'ak don't hesitate to rush in after hearing the relieved sounds of their mother comforting Kiri as the poor girl cried. Jake also rushed in after them, eager to see if his daughter was alright. Kayla stands in the doorway and peeks in. The entire Sully family had joined Neytiri and Tuk in surrounding the distressed Kiri, comforting her and exchanging smiles with one another, grateful for this outcome. The only one that stood out in this picture was the Metkayina woman, leaning over on her knees to catch her breath, looking exhausted compared to before. With Jake's help, the tsahik stood up and moved to the door, only stopping in her tracks when her eyes lock on Kayla hovering just outside the marui. Both women stood completely still, Kayla's eyes widening while the tsahik's narrowed, reverting back to the intimidation Kayla no doubt felt when the woman first showed up. The reef woman's eyes never faltered from suspicion, moving slowly up and down while analyzing Kayla's whole figure, making her squirm underneath her avatar's skin.
Jake briefly looked up from his family and noticed the staredown between the tsahik and his sister before his expression twisted into a wince as if he was in pain. His thoughts internally made him cringe, drastically trying to come up with a good way to explain this to both clan leaders of the Metkayina. Gently placing his hands on both Neytiri's shoulders, Jake quietly announces to his family that he needs to go take care of some things before leaving the marui, passing by the tsahik, who only broke her gaze from Kayla when Jake gently guided his sister away from the pod's entrance. As the adult Sully siblings were moving, so were the Metkayina crowds outside.
The girl Kayla had seen with the tsahik moved passed her and Jake without a second thought and disappeared inside the marui, only returning with the former basket of supplies and her mother. Further down the walkways, Metkayina were crowding around and peering over one another's shoulders to get a good look at the newcomers, to which Kayla equally squirmed under their gaze as well, feeling like fresh meat hanging from a butcher shop window the way Jake was keeping her body in front of him.
When the Metkayina woman moved back around into Kayla's field of view again, Jake finally spoke up from behind her, addressing the tsahik, "This is a discussion meant for the olo'eyktan as well."
Their fathers' voice draws Neteyam and Lo'ak outside, leaving their mother and sisters to relax in each other's comfort. Both Omatikaya boys stood beside their father as pillars of strength when they noticed the way the tsahik was glaring at their aunt's presence, all the while both Norm and Max joined in when noticing the gathering as well. Murmurs fly through the crowds of Metkayina behind the tsahik, who was still weary of Kayla but nods in acknowledgment to Jake. She turns to her daughter and mutters something to her, to which the girl dutifully nods and leaves, disappearing into the crowd. Within minutes, the olo'eyktan was summoned to the Sully marui, and Kayla's eyes only widen further.
He had to be the tallest Na'vi she had ever seen, easily towering over both Jake and Norm. He also had more tattoos out of all the Metkayina People Kayla had seen so far, most of the ink gathered around his face, neck, shoulders, and chest. His hair was tightly braided back and out of his face, much like Kayla's, but unlike hers, his hair was unbraided behind his ears and loosely flowing down his back. On his chest, he wore a special garment that could only be the Metkayina's version of a cummerbund that look like fish scales running up and down one side of his torso and looping around his shoulder. Over that, he bore colorful braided knots and ropes, a ceremonial piece that clearly states his rank in his clan. In one hand, he carried a spear, and with that the weight of responsibilities he held in the village.
He stops in front of Kayla and Jake, glancing between her and the brother behind her with recognition. Despite the height, Kayla felt a little less intimidated by his gaze, one that was only curious and calculating while borderline cautious. His mate, the tsahik, dutifully moved to stand beside him, still staring Kayla down with suspicion and distrust.
Jake moves off to the side so that he could look between the clan leaders and Kayla, before lifting his arm in her direction to present her, "Tonowari, Ronal, this is Makayla Sully. Kayla, this is the olo'eyktan and the tsahik of the Metkayina."
With a closer inspection, Kayla realized that the Metkayina's eyes had two sets of eyelids when they blinked down at her, one moving normally up and down while the other was translucent and blinked sideways. Realizing she was staring, Kayla snapped out of it and moved to pay her respects, lifting her fingers to touch her forehead before lowering down in the clan leaders' direction.
The tsahik known as Ronal barely lets her do so, making a grab at Kayla's fingers when she noticed them and roughly pulled until she brought the hand to her eye level to inspect, nearly making Kayla stumble from her strength. She distastefully scowls at Kayla's four fingers and thumb, "Another one with demon blood."
Kayla turns to Jake, bewildered and slightly worried, "Is that what they call you?"
Lo'ak looks away while Jake is trying to scrounge up an answer. Lo'ak's refusal to look at his aunt is all the answer she needs before a brief wave of anger and the need to protect crashes and retracts in a singular moment, like a wave against the shoreline. Kayla quickly forgets her anger when Ronal walks around her, swarming her like a vulture as she grabs Kayla's tail. Kayla winced quietly to herself at the rough intrusion but otherwise didn't comment. She chalked it up as a tsahik thing. Mo'at always tended to forget personal boundaries as well.
"Her Na'vi tongue is terrible," Ronal continues to berate and insult, "It sounds like a baby still forming its first words."
Jake tried negotiating to the best of his ability without sounding like he was pleading or, Eywa forbid, insulting his hosts, "Tsahik, please. Kayla is my sister. We share the same blood. We were born of the Sky People."
Ronal pauses and looks at Jake, ears flattening as she replays his words in her head, "All Na'vi people know your story, Toruk Makto, and your story never mentions a sister."
Kayla's ears fall flat against her skull as she looked away. Jake solemnly nods to Ronal, "I know. Kayla has only recently arrived in our world. She had only been living among the Omatikaya for a little less than a year now."
A moment passes before her eyes flick back to Kayla, both women inspecting one another in that close distance, roughly standing at the same height. Kayla could see the way Ronal's eyes move to each and every one of her avatar features. The smaller eyes, the hairy brows, and then back down to the extra fingers and toes. Eventually, Ronal pulls away and rejoins her mate, while Kayla finally found herself able to breathe with her personal space now restored.
Tonowari takes one look at his mate before dividing his attention to Kayla, touching his forehead and lowering his hand in her direction, tilting his head down with a small smile, "Welcome, sister of Toruk Makto."
Kayla relaxes ever so slightly and nods back. When she opened her mouth to respond, the words are cut off by a small freight train crashing into her waist and legs. The air is almost knocked out of her as Kayla looks down, her fright instantly melting into a bright smile when Tuk looks back up at her, beaming excitedly, "Auntie!"
"Tuk!" Kayla bent down to her youngest niece's height, the clan leaders forgotten while she inspected the little girl, "Oh, my sweetheart, look at you... did you grow? I think you've grown!"
She tickles Tuk under her chin, the girl quickly retracting with a small giggle. Kayla smiles and places her hands under Tuk's arms and lifts her up, placing her on her hip before returning her attention to the adults surrounding them, bashful when remembering where she was as the Metkayina all stare oddly at her. Kayla summons her manners again and clears her throat, her smile falling as she stares directly at Ronal, leveling her voice to be as clear as she was able in their language, "Tsahik of the Metkayina. I am forever grateful that you took in my brother's family as your own. I don't ask to be sheltered among your people. I only ask that you allow me to stay for a little while so that I can keep an eye on Kiri and make sure she's healthy and no longer in danger."
Jake opens his mouth to speak but cringed and backed down after one brief look from Kayla quickly refusing whatever he wanted to say before he even could say it. The brother retracts and the sister brings her eyes back to Tonowari and Ronal, being sure to retain eye contact between them, "I will go if you ask me to. I will respect your wishes. I just want to make sure my family is safe."
Ronal's eyes narrow again, solely on Kayla. Tuk flinches and hides her face away in Kayla's neck, but otherwise says nothing as her aunt stares down the tsahik. The gaze is only broken when Ronal turns her body away from Kayla to face the olo'eyktan, who in turn, loyally follows her motion until he's engaging in a silent conversation with her using only their eyes and ears. Kayla had to commend them for their nonverbal communication skills. She had no doubt they made an excellent team as the leaders of the clan.
After a few moments of silence and bated breath, Kayla's gaze is met with Tonowari's, who spoke for himself and Ronal as the tsahik looks around at her people instead, "Jakesully and Neytiri have learned our ways from me and my mate. You will do the same as long as you remain here. Learn fast, and do not fall behind. Do not bring us shame for being useless."
Her brows shortly furrow before relaxing. Blink and you would've missed the confusion crossing over her eyes before she forgets herself and quickly bows her head in gratitude, "Irayo."
Tonowari nods back and follows Ronal through the crowd, walking away. Kayla doesn't have a moment to take a breath of relief before she's bombarded by her brother's family. Lo'ak immediately bounds up to Kayla when the tension is broken, excitedly rambling, "We have so much to show you! We've learned a new language so we can communicate underwater. And we can hold our breath longer, too! Wait until you properly meet Tsireya. She's a great teacher!"
"She's super pretty!" Tuk chimes in, resulting in Kayla laughing as Lo'ak's face flushes a darker shade of blue.
Neteyam and Jake round their guests up and bring them back inside the marui. Neytiri looks up from tending to Kiri and blatantly ignores Norm and Max in exchange for her eyes widening at the sight of one other avatar in the room. The Na'vi woman stood at the sight of Kayla in the doorway, holding Tuk on her hip. Neytiri let out a long breath of relief, a smile gracing her lips, "Makayla..."
Kayla beams, immediately moving around to hug Neytiri, who happily accepts the embrace. Kiri had managed to sit up with Neteyam's help and craned her neck up to see for herself, hiccuping while still trying to relax from all her crying, "Auntie?"
Her weak voice broke Kayla's heart, and so the aunt pulls away from Neytiri and hands Tuk to her mother before crouching down beside the teenager. Kayla flashes a soft smile, her hand reaching up to wipe away the tear tracks still fresh on Kiri's face, "Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?"
"Tired," Kiri mumbled, leaning into her aunt in a form of an attempted side hug.
Kayla gladly takes Kiri's weight and sits down fully, holding the teen close to her as support while running a hand through her soft, short hair, "That's okay. Take all the time to rest. You'll be back to normal by this time tomorrow."
From over Kiri's head, Kayla flashes a warning glare at both Norm and Max, a clear indicator to keep their mouths shut about her niece's condition. Jake feels a small ping of amusement when watching the way both Norm and Max stiffen under her scrutinous glare but otherwise say nothing. Instead, the scientists properly pack up their supplies in their respective places instead of feeling rushed, taking their time and catching up with the Sullys, exchanging stories and recent events. Lo'ak and Kiri pointedly stared at Kayla until she noticed, and one look alone drove the aunt to understand what they were asking. Her expression briefly falls and with a heavy heart, shakes her head in dismissal, further saddening the teenagers' moods. No, she hasn't found him yet.
The day was almost done and Norm and Max needed to head back if they were going to try and get home before night closes in. Kayla offered to see them out since she still needed a few things from the gunship. The Sullys all say goodbye and the kids even hug the scientists as tight as they could, nearly choking the life out of Max. He and Norm promise to check on the Sullys' friends and family for them back home and make Jake and Kayla promise to call if anything happens, then they left for the beach. Making sure all her needed belongings were with her, Kayla helps guide them with arm motions as Max begins to lift the gunship off the sand dune.
The ship rises and rises until Kayla has to crane her neck up to watch it disappear, her hand over her throat mic, "Rogue Two, you're clear! See ya guys later."
"Copy that!"
"Good luck, Desert Fox."
Kayla only returns to the Sully marui when she could no longer hear the rushing sound of the gunship's blades. By the time she returned to her brother's family, they were getting ready to go and join the village at the communal dinner. At first, Kayla was more than happy to hang back and avoid the Metkayina if that meant making them comfortable without her presence, but the Sully kids weren't having it. Tuk desperately tugged on her aunt's arm until the woman followed her to the large, communal marui at the center of the village. Acting as the center of this large network of homes, the tent was supported by the mangrove roots and all the separate marui hanging around it, connecting the entire place together through all the pathways dodging in and out in all directions.
Neteyam and Lo'ak purposely stuck to their aunt's side when they took their tree bark plates and went about grabbing a variety of food shared among the People. Nearly every Metkayina was staring at Kayla, but she stubbornly ignored it, pretending she didn't notice as she made conversation with her nephews. Tuk had run off to join a group of her new friends while Kiri kept close to Neytiri, still weak and tired from the whole ordeal. Plus, if a village person decided to approach her and ask questions about the incident, Kiri could rely on her mother to wrap a protective arm around her and hiss at them, daring the Na'vi to continue overwhelming her baby.
The tent was loud, full of conversation, songs, and storytelling. Everyone shared their food and in return, everyone shared a story, whether it was about their day or some past or fictional event. Children were laughing and playing, running and weaving around the adults as they ate, trying not to step on anyone's tail. The food smelled and tasted delicious. Kayla was delighted by the smoked fish with perfectly seasoned herbs and spices on top. She couldn't remember a time when she had something so savory.
When he caught a break in Kayla's conversation with his sons, Jake nudged her gently to grab her attention. With Neytiri on the other side of him, both parents pointedly stare at Kayla until she realized they wanted to talk to her. And to her surprise, they spoke to her in English, likely so no one else could understand them.
Jake first pointed out the color of her nails with a playful grin, "So how the Hell did you get a hold of nail polish?"
Kayla smirked mischievously, "Promise you won't tell? Jocelyn has a secret stash full of various colors. She's painted almost every avatar's nails and even some Na'vi's when they got curious. She made it clear that when I finish my Iknimaya, I have to let her paint them again before the ceremony."
Neytiri turned to her sister-in-law when she heard that, surprised as her mouth drops in shock and wonder, "Kayla. You completed your Iknimaya?"
Kayla smiled, albeit a little shy, "Well, technically I only made a clean kill and finished my ikran trial."
To her credit, Neytiri appeared remorseful, ears drooping and expression apologetic, "I am sorry I missed it."
"That's alright. I haven't done my Uniltaron yet. Maybe you can accompany me for that?"
Jake snorts, "I can't wait for you to experience that trip. So what else have you been up to?"
"I've been getting to know the locals while you guys have been gone, learning from them and obviously obtaining my own ikran. Tarsem and Norm were with me for that," she hesitates to mention more, looking back at her nephews. Neither of them was listening to her, instead lost in their own conversation with a friend of theirs, Rotxo. When Kayla peered over Neytiri to check on Kiri, she only found a teenager lost in her own, sad thoughts while focusing more on her dinner than the people around her. And with Tuk clearly elsewhere, Kayla turned back to Jake and Neytiri, "In between learning, I've been trying to track down Spider."
Neytiri frowned and looked down to focus more on her meal while Jake perked up, eyes hard in leadership mode when he realized he was discussing business, "Really? What do you got?"
And just like that, they've fallen back into military procedure. Kayla's voice naturally lowered and sounded monotone, "Our sources indicate he's still alive but beyond that, we haven't been able to plan a rescue mission."
"Do your sources know exactly who has him?"
Kayla was suddenly glad they were having this conversation in English while gravely reporting, "We did get confirmation that it is Colonel Miles Quaritch and his 'Déjà Blue Team' as they call themselves."
Jake's face falls in horror while Neytiri's screwed up with disdain. Kayla continues, "Technically, they're called Recoms. Avatars without a separate host. In Project Phoenix, the RDA took the memories of deceased soldiers from your war and put them in the brains of Na'vi vessels. This is not just personal for Quaritch. It's personal for all of them."
"Shit." Jake cursed under his breath, shadows of the past further darkening his eyes as he stared off into space, not looking at anyone or anything in particular. He didn't want to believe that was really Quaritch threatening his kids back there, but with the way Kayla described him, it was almost undeniably true, and it was like a ghost of his past, coming back to haunt Jake again.
"So you guys have a history," Jake turned back at the sound of Kayla's voice, her eyes indifferent while trying to find something in his expression as she knowingly stated, "Norm told me quite a bit. You were Quaritch's pet until you got soft."
"Watch it." Jake snarled darkly under his breath, teeth-baring faintly at her.
"Just saying."
"Then say less." They both fall into silence, staring each other down until Neytiri tapped her husband's arm. The motion brings Jake back to the present, mumbling to the point where Kayla could barely hear him, "Sorry."
Kayla nods, accepting it and returning the sentiment, but in her own, stiff way, "I was trying to make a joke. My bad."
Neytiri decided that it was time to change the subject, leaning over to get a better look at Kayla from the other side of Jake, "My mother. My people. Anything from them?"
Kayla struggled but eventually got past the intense conversation with her brother and forced herself to smile at Neytiri, sympathetic to her question, "The Omatikaya are strong. So far, life as they know it is still steady and as normal as it can be. Quaritch and the others still haven't been able to lead a proper assault on the Hallelujah Mountains. Most of the time, they barely leave a dent. Your mother is still tsahik until Tarsem can finally choose a mate for Mo'at to teach. She is the same as always."
Jake feels an elbow gently nudging him. When he looks in the direction of the offending limb, he finds Kayla trying to smile at him, attempting to lighten his spirit and offer a truce, "You were right. She is a dragon lady."
That earned her a tiny smirk and a small huff of laughter that only grew when Neytiri affectionately smacked Jake upside the back of his head. Hearing their father laugh made all the Sully children turn to their parents and aunt, demanding what was so funny as Tuk comes bounding back, wanting in on the laughter. It became a bit of a scene once Jake plucked his youngest child up off the ground and began tickling her, forgetting his demons for the moment. Tuk's squeals and giggles drew a lot of attention, but either the Sully family didn't appear to notice or didn't care about it in the least. Kayla and Neytiri had begun to laugh along with Jake and the children, their spirits lifted as they try to attempt to save Tuk from her relentless father. At one point, he even held the child upside down by only holding her foot, earning more squealing laughter from the little girl while Jake lifted her above his head without much effort. Neytiri frantically tried to keep her own hands under Tuk's head in case she fell while Kayla tried to get her brother to put the child down and keep things civil as they were beginning to disturb other Na'vi from enjoying their meals.
Little did she know that she was being watched like a hawk, her usual instincts abandoned in exchange for trying to make a grab for her squealing niece, unaware of the two pairs of eyes practically drilling holes into her back from far across the room.
A/N: I don't care if this chapter was short, I'm super damn proud of it. I had been struggling to write it at the beginning of the week and somehow I still did it! You gotta enjoy the little things.
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#WeLoveYouTaeyeon: My thoughts on public figures depression
(Click Read more below for the ENG. Transalation)
Jadi ceritanya kali ini gue mau curhat berhubungan dengan satu hal yang masih hangat di dunia hiburan Korea. Memang gak selevel kasus Burning Sun dan YG, tapi ini menggelisahkan gue dan bikin gue pengen nulis sesuatu.
Sesuatu.
Haha #ketawamaksa #recehnyaaku
Nah ke intinya aja ya, sesuai judulnya ini terkait dengan leader girl group tercinta kita, Mbak Taeyeon~
Semuanya bermula ketika mbak Taeyeon buka kolom pertanyaan di Instagram storiesnya, lalu dia jawab beberapa pertanyaan dengan singkat dan terkesan dingin. Dan jeng jeng jeng sampai muncul pertanyaan di atas. Lewat pertanyaan di atas Taeyeon membuka diri tentang depresi yang dialaminya. Yang kemudian para SONE memulai hashtag #WeLoveYouTaeyeon merespons hal ini.
Nah kemudian yang bikin gue gelisah dan pengen nulis adalah respons orang-orang yang minta dicipok pantat panci panas seperti di gambar ini:
Ya gue emosi baca respons begitu. Bukan semata-mata karena gue mengidolakan Taeyeon, tetapi lebih karena gue merasa mengerti bagaimana berasa di posisi Taeyeon. Dibilang mengerti pun, rasanya skalaku lebih kecil, cuma ya ngerti lah.
Kelelahan secara mental dalam posisi publik figur itu hal yang sulit untuk dilewati. Memang gue bukan publik figur sekelas Taeyeon, tetapi dalam posisi gue sebagai seorang rohaniwan di sebuah gereja, I feel her.
Gue juga pernah mengalami depresi dan untuk berhadapan dengan orang itu sangat melelahkan. Yang gue pikirin tuh ya:
Just wanna be alone, but too afraid to be alone. Going around people, but too tired to react to them. Need some understanding, but turns out receiving judgemental responses.
Lalu gimana? Ya saat di publik gue jadi keliatan rese, gak punya sopan santun, dsb. Apa yang pernah gue terima persis kaya negative comments yang Taeyeon terima, hanya saja dalam skala lebih kecil. Dan itu semua menggiring ‘si penderita’ ke ujung kelelahannya, and BOOM.
Dan jangan tanya, “Kalau gak bisa terima orang, kenapa masih komunikasi sama orang?" Hih. Masalahnya dia bukan gak bisa terima orang, tapi apa yang lu kasih bukanlah yang mereka perlukan. Saat mereka meledak atau sedikit terbakar, mereka hanya ingin dimengerti, bukan ditakuti lalu dijauhi.
Ilustrasinya, pernah gak sih lu lagi serius sedih, lalu dianggap bercanda. Marah gak lu? Mungkin gak langsung, lu coba jelasin dulu. Masih dicandain terus menerus? Marah kan? Lalu apa itu karena lu pengen orang itu benci lu, takut sama elu, dan kabur?
Enggak kan?
Lu cuma pengen orang lain ngerti, lu pengen bawa orang lain bener-bener di jalur yang sama, cuma ya jadinya otot-ototan karena ternyata gak mulus prosesnya.
Selain itu, di luar depresinya, kondisi Taeyeon saat ini juga bukan kondisi yang mudah. Taeyeon sekarang berkarir sebagai seorang solo artist dan juga adalah seorang introvert, plus being far from her family and loved one (TaeNy forever <3). Once again, for that condition, I feel her.
Saat gue begitu rapuh dan ketika gue cuma bisa teleponan sama orangtua, cuma bisa chat sama koko dan dede gue, dan saat gue gak berani ganggu sahabat yang udah jauh (and I know their working loads), gue memberanikan diri untuk “menjelajahi” belantara pergaulan baru yang ada di dekat gue. Beruntungnya, gue bisa dapet teman pelayanan dan beberapa teman dari kalangan jemaat yang bisa mengerti kerapuhan gue.
Nah gue gak tau tuh dengan yang dialami Taeyeon, cuma ya ternyata dari netizen gak dapet tuh. Ya semoga di lingkungan kerjanya dia bisa ketemu orang yang paham dia. #StayStrongTaeyeon! #WeLoveYouTaeyeon! Muach muach for you mbak Taeyeon~ :***
Gue cuma berpikir, mungkin orang-orang yang tidak bisa berempati sama Taeyeon adalah orang-orang yang gak pernah depresi atau gak pernah menjadi center of attention atau punya kepribadian yang benar-benar beda dengan Taeyeon.
Sedikit saranku, dalam setiap momen, waktu coba merespons curhat seseorang, diem bentar, tarik nafas, dan berpikir.
Diem bentar. Kasih ruang supaya orang yang lu ajak ngobrol ngerti kalau lu mencoba mengerti dirinya, bukan orang yang sudah siapin peluru yang ready untuk ditembakin. Sekaligus juga untuk kasih ruang kalau memang dia masih pengen ngomong, it helps you to understand them better.
Tarik nafas. Lu juga perlu tenangin diri lu and get a grip. Dia yang sedang bingung, panik, dsb, lu perlu jadi lebih settle. Lu gak perlu jadi super, cuma perlu jadi lebih settle aja.
Berpikir. Cobalah ambil momen sebentar untuk memikirkan siapa lawan bicaramu dan pikirkan “what if(s)” sebelum bertindak.
Not a 100% guarantee for successful communication (karena bisa aja lawan bicaramu memang belum dewasa atau gak mengerti apa yang dia mau jadinya dia gak ngerti itikad baikmu), tapi ini supaya salahnya juga bukan dari kamu.
Rasanya itu aja sih yang bisa gue tulis. Terimakasih yang sudah bersedia membaca, gak ada yang baca pun aku sudah cukup lega.
ENG. Translation
So this time I’m gonna write something about a hot topic in Korean entertainment news. Not as hot as Burning Sun or YG, but this really bothers me and force me to write something.
Something.
Haha #cringey
Straight to the point, as you see on this post’s title, I gonna write something about uri leader, Taeyeon noona~
It all started when Taeyeon noona made a question box on her Instagram stories, then she answered several questions shortly and sounds cold. Aaaand *drum rolls* until she answered this question above. Taeyeon noona opens up about the depression she suffered. After that, SONEs begin to trend #WeLoveYouTaeyeon hashtag.
Then what bothers me so much is negative responses from people who asked to be kissed by hot pot with boiling water like this:
Yeah, I feel really upset about this kind of responses. Not merely because I’m a SONE, but it’s more like I understand and feel Taeyeon noona’s position. Although I experienced things on a smaller scale than hers, I can say I understand her.
Experiencing mental fatigue as a public figure is a big deal. I know I’m not a public figure like Taeyeon, but with my position right now as a full-time minister in a church that people looked up to, I feel her.
I’ve once experienced depression and to deal with people on those times is truly exhausting. What’s running around my mind are:
Just wanna be alone, but too afraid to be alone. Going around people, but too tired to react to them. Need some understanding, but turns out receiving judgemental responses.
Then what? In public, people will found me unfriendly, impolite, etc. What I receive is similar to the negative comments Taeyeon receives, but on a smaller scale. And all those words just lead me to the edge of my exhaustion and BOOM.
And please don’t ask, “If you can’t deal with people, then why still start a communication?” Aish. The problem is not that we can’t deal with people, but your response is not what we need. And when we explode and furious, we just want to be understood, not to be feared and isolated.
Here’s a little imagery: Have you ever feel so sad, but people think you were only joking. Aren’t you mad? Maybe, before get mad, you gonna try to explain some points first to clear things up. But what if they still think you’re joking and don’t take you case seriously? You gonna be mad right? But your anger, is it to make them fear you, hate you, and retreat?
No, right?
You just want people to understand, you just want to make sure people really in the same track as you. But it becomes a little messy since the communication process isn't going smooth.
Then, despite her depression, being Taeyeon at this time is also not easy. This time Taeyeon noona is doing her career as a solo artist and she’s an introvert, plus being far from her family and loved one (TaeNy forever <3). Once again, for that condition, I feel her.
When I find myself fragile and then I only could contact my parents through phone, reach brothers from our group chat, and even it’s difficult to reach my besties (which live in different cities rn with all their working loads), I begin to push myself “discovering” new people around me. Luckily, I get what I need, supportive workmates and supportive friends from my congregation, those who could understand my fragility.
For Taeyeon noona’s case, Idk what she experiences, but at least we know she didn’t get the support from the netizens. I only hope she could get supportive people among her work peers. #StayStrongTaeyeon! #WeLoveYouTaeyeon! Xoxo for you Taeyeon noona~ :***
What’s on my mind rn, I guess, those who can’t empathize with Taeyeon are those who never depressed before or those who never be the center of attention or have an opposite personality to Taeyeon.
A little advice from me, if you find occasions someone told you her/his feelings, pause, take a breath, and think.
Pause. Let your friend knows that you try to understand her/him and know that you’re not someone who has prepared tons of advice-bullets to be shot at any moment. Pause is also an open space for your friend if he/she still has few things to say, it gonna help you to understand them better.
Take a breath. You also need to calm yourself down and get a grip. Your friend is in confusion, maybe panic, and etc. So you need to be more settle than him/ her. Don’t need to be a superperson, just need to be more settled.
Think. Try to take a moment to think who your friend is and try to think several “what ifs” before doing something.
Not a 100% guarantee for successful communication (since it could be your friend isn’t mature yet or doesn’t know what her/himself need so might not understand your goodwill), but at least this might help you to not do the wrong.
I guess that’s all that I wish to write. Thanks for reading. Even if no one’s reading, at least I relieved already for posting this.
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