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jaskierswolf · 3 years

Note

Hello dearest Overlord!! May we please have a continuation of that brilliant Chicago fic you gifted us? It was SO GOOD I can't stop thinking about it lol

Maya! I meant to have this done for your birthday but life... sorry! Either way! Happy belated birthday! I shall upload to AO3 tomorrow!

Rated: E

Ship: Geraskier

Summary: After a night of sweat and sex and sin, Geralt knows it's time to apologise for the harsh words. If only he could find the words to say (Yes i'm abusing TAD lyrics... oops)

CW: weapons kink, shaving kink, minor injury, talks of rimming, and general hoeyness.

______

Geralt stared up at the ceiling, counting the cracks in the wall. The room stank of sweat and sex, and a warm spicy scent that wafted from the bard that was curled up on his chest. The night before had been possibly some of the best sex in his long life, but it had been tainted with the worry that it was the only chance he would get. Jaskier was still angry, and rightfully so, but it meant that Geralt wasn’t sure if this was the last time he would ever see his most loyal friend and companion. His fingers were softly trailing down Jaskier’s spine, painting flowers into the bard’s bare skin. Geralt couldn’t bear to watch Jaskier sleep. He was too beautiful, even covered in sweat, drooling over Geralt’s chest. Geralt just knew that if he looked then he would never be able to let Jaskier go.

And he couldn’t keep the bard if he didn’t want to stay.

“I can hear you thinking,” Jaskier mumbled, shifting on Geralt’s chest to press a kiss to the exposed skin. “It’s very distracting.”

Geralt huffed a laugh despite his growing anxiety. “Distracting you from sleep?”

“Mhmm.”

They laid like that for a few more moments, neither quite ready to face the day yet. Jaskier seemed to be trying to fall back asleep but after a couple of minutes he groaned and rolled onto his back. He pouted as he looked up at the ceiling, his hair a ruffled mess from where Geralt’s hands had run through it the night before, and there were dark bruises littered all over his neck, creeping down his chest where thick hair covered the pale skin. A stark reminder of Jaskier’s masculinity despite the way he preferred to present to the world.

Geralt swallowed as his cock began to make itself known. It could easily be excused as morning wood if Jaskier had decided that Geralt’s crimes were too dire to forgive, but he couldn’t help but hope.

“It appears that despite my best attempts, I am awake,” Jaskier grumbled, pushing his hands through his hair.

“Hmm,” Geralt agreed, waiting for Jaskier to pass judgement before he really spoke.

“So… witcher,” Jaskier breathed, his voice guarded and cool, making Geralt stiffen as he prepared for the worst. “I think we can both agree, that was a rather fantastic evening of carnal delights.”

“Hmm.”

“But not even sex with dear Melitele herself would make up for, well, you know,” Jaskier rolled onto his side and peered down at Geralt with icy fire in those pretty blue eyes, “the whole ‘if life could give me one blessing’ thing.” Jaskier’s voice deepened in his impersonation of Geralt and his words were accentuated with a flourish.

“Jaskier-”

“I meant it, Geralt. I want an apology, a real one, or forget it. I can find inspiration elsewhere, and well.. I- you probably weren’t my friend at all if you can’t see that what you did was wrong. I may be a bit of a prick sometimes, but I deserve better, Geralt.”

“I know,” Geralt whispered, wondering when the lost puppy that had followed him for so many years had grown up.

How had he never noticed?

“I’m sorry, Jaskier,” he breathed, struggling to find the words to explain just how sorry he was, but hoping that the bard would understand. “I- I was… I,” Geralt growled and covered his face with both hands, his beard scratching at his calloused skin.

The world felt like it was against him as he tried to gather his thoughts, but before he could, Jaskier’s hands were covering his, gently pulling them off his face. “Breathe, darling.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t have the words to put this right.”

“Then show me, dear heart.”

Geralt’s brow furrowed as he gazed up at the bard, shining cornflower blue eyes shimmering in the morning light, his fringe falling down to cover them. He looked beautiful. Geralt reached up to brushed the hair from Jaskier’s eyes but it didn’t work and they both chuckled as Jaskier huffed a breath to try and blow it out of the way. “How?”

“You can start by getting rid of that beard. You look very handsome but my arse itches like a bitch this morning,” Jaskier grumbled.

“You weren’t complaining last night,” Geralt teased.

“Well, I was hardly going to whine about it when you had your tongue up my arse!”

Just like that the ice seemed to have broken and Geralt smirked as he pulled Jaskier into a kiss; the taste was stale and unpleasant on Geralt’s tongue but he didn’t care, he was kissing Jaskier., The bard moaned softly into the kiss, shifting on the bed so that he was straddling Geralt’s hips. Jaskier’s fingers were splayed on Geralt's chest as he rolled his hips against Geralt’s erection, making them both gasp into the kiss. The heat from the night before was back, not blistering and blinding but a slow build of embers as they were once again lost in the taste of each other.

And Geralt felt… happy?

He couldn’t remember the last time he allowed himself to be happy. Perhaps at Kaer Morhen before he set out onto the path for the first time. Before he learned that witchers were no better than the monsters they hunted in the eyes of humanity. There had been some brief moments of happiness when he’d been beside Jaskier on the path, the quiet moments before they went to sleep but Geralt had always been plagued with guilt, worried that he would destroy the fragile being that trusted him.

Of course, his fears had become reality, but in spite of everything Jaskier was still here with him, his lips pressed against Geralt’s neck, hands carding through his hair. So, because of the unfamiliar lightness in his heart, Geralt decided to tease his friend, his love, his bard. He grinned as he captured Jaskier’s lips once more in a bruising kiss, fingers digging into the bard’s hips to hold him close, and then he rubbed his cheek against Jaskier’s.

“Oi!” Jaskier grumbled, sitting back on his heels and glaring down at Geralt.

“What?”

“That beard has got to go,” Jaskier muttered, rubbing at his cheek. “If you really want to do the whole ruggedly handsome thing, which by the way, I don’t hate, then I am showing you how to look after a beard. It’ll be as soft as a baby’s bottom.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll shave.” Jaskier just grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “What?”

“Or…”

“Jaskier…”

The bard winked, his tongue flicking out to lick his lips in a way that really should be illegal. “If you trust me?”

“I do.”

“Then you’ll let me shave it off. I don’t have a razor but my daggers are plenty sharp enough?”

Geralt blinked, staring up at Jaskier as every single thought he’d ever had left his head. He was suddenly thrown back to the bard’s performance the night before. The way he’d moved, the touches to his skin, the frankly sinful way his body had looked in the corset and tights, an outfit better suited to a whore than a Viscount.

And his voice.

Dark, dangerous, calculating.

The same voice that usually held the warmth of the sun, turned to bitter poison as cold steel flashed in the candle light.

Geralt groaned, pressing his head into Jaskier’s shoulder, as the memory of the bard flipping the daggers in his hands with deadly precision, the edge of the blade glinting as he brushed it against his own neck. It was almost too much to handle, especially now that he’d had a taste of Jaskier, knew the filth the bard’s lips sang in the throes of passion.

“Oh, ho, ho!” Jaskier giggled, his fingers stroking through Geralt’s hair, sending a shiver down his spine. “You like that, don’t you witcher?”

“Shut up, Jaskier.”

“Oh no. No, no, no, I am loving this. I mean, I knew you enjoyed the show but I thought it was just the whole-” Jaskier cut himself off with a wave of his hands. “But it was more than that, wasn’t it, Geralt?”

Geralt was in no place to argue. His cock was impossibly hard and aching, trapped underneath his bard as he continued to roll his hips at a torturously slow pace. Jaskier’s cock was also hard as it moved against Geralt’s stomach, leaving a mess of precum on his skin. The sight made Geralt’s mouth water, and he was tempted to forget the whole beard thing, if it just meant that he could get his lips around Jaskier’s cock. Make his bard sing just like he had the night before, but before Geralt could think about manhandling Jaskier into the right position, the bard had leapt to his feet, leaving Geralt weak and wanting alone on the bed.

“Jask,” he breathed, watching the curve of Jaskier’s bare arse as he danced across the room.

“Be with you in a moment, darling,” the bard sang, sweeter than a nightingale.

And Geralt could do nothing but watch helplessly as Jaskier unsheathed the daggers from their holsters. The steel looked sharp and deadly. They were clearly very real weapons, not props, and Geralt felt his head begin to spin with lust. He had to remind himself to breathe, lest he pass out. Jaskier was too busy inspecting the blades to notice Geralt’s predicament, and he ran a long lutist's finger along the sharp edge of the dagger, hissing slightly as it cut into the skin.

“Sharp enough?” he turned to face Geralt, winking as he licked his lips.

Geralt nodded, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth. It was a miracle that Jaskier managed to still speak so eloquently even in the height of arousal, when Geralt could barely remember his own name.

“Brilliant!” Jaskier beamed, hopping back across the room without a care for the weapon in his hand.

He was a disaster.

Geralt honestly wasn’t sure how Jaskier hadn’t cut his own dick off. He clearly had no sense of self preservation, and yet Geralt was going to let him press that dagger to his throat.

Perhaps he was the idiot after all.

“Come now, Geralt, off the bed, I don’t want to get hair on the sheets,” Jaskier waved him over, flipping the dagger absentmindedly in one hand.

Geralt just scoffed. “I think there’s worse things on those sheets, Jaskier.”

“Sit!” Jaskier insisted indignantly pointing at the stool by the basin in the corner of the room.

There was no arguing with that, although Geralt did wonder if Jaskier would turn the blade against him, even in jest, and that thought had his cock throbbing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so desperate, probably watching Jaskier perform, the searing jealousy as the fake Geralt and Yennefer lay their hands on Jaskier’s body.

Jaskier took no notice of his inner turmoil, of the raging fire burning inside him. Instead, he hummed an unfamiliar tune under his breath as he readied the dagger for its job. After the passion of the night before, the quiet intimacy was almost too much. Geralt just hummed as he settled into an almost meditative state, letting Jaskier move his head around as he needed to without resistance. The bard pressed his leg between Geralt's, staying still but keeping a gentle pressure on Geralt's cock whilst the blade moved methodically across Geralt's skin.

Every stroke of Jaskier's blade against Geralt's skin sent a wave of arousal through his body. He'd never seen Jaskier as anything more than an annoyance on the battlefield, and the calm stillness of the moment made him see his bard in a new light. He wondered whether Jaskier had been holding back on him this whole time or whether this skill with a blade was something he’d learned in their time apart. Without a witcher to protect him, Jasker had no doubt encountered no end of trouble. He’d ended up in the brothel after all… although it was like no brothel that Geralt had ever been to.

“You still with me, sweetheart?” Jaskier breathed almost silently, his lilting voice cutting through the cloud of meditation. Even in his meditation, his senses were locked onto Jaskier, ready to jump into action at a moment’s notice. It was an instinct he’d never realised he’d trained into being, it happened so slowly. One day he was wishing that Jaskier would finally get bored and leave, and the next, Geralt knew he would defend the idiot with his life.

But now it seemed Jaskier could hold his own, and that was just fucking hot.

Geralt didn’t know what was happening to himself. Everything he thought he knew was turning on his head, and he was somewhat irrevocably in love with the bard, he’d barely admitted was his friend.

By the time Jaskier was done, the blade smoothly gliding across Geralt’s skin, a finer shave than any barber he’d been to in all his years.

“Geralt, dear heart?”

“Hmm…”

“There you are,” Jaskier cooed, cupping Geralt’s cheek in his hands until Geralt let his eyes flutter open.

Jaskier was gazing back at him, his eyes blown wide and his cheeks flushed. The scent of arousal in the air made Geralt’s head hazy with lust. Before he could even think about what he was doing, Geralt knocked the dagger from Jaskier’s hand, the steel clattering as it flew across the room and bounced on the floor. The bard opened his mouth to protest but Geralt had been aching and hard for too long, and he was desperate to get his mouth back on Jaskier’s skin.

With a yelp, Jaskier was pushed back onto the bed, whining as Geralt teased the tight rim of muscle. Despite their long night of sex, Geralt would need to stretch him again, and he couldn’t wait. He’d found great pleasure in taking apart his cocky arrogant bard with both his tongue and fingers the night before, and he knew he would quite happily spend a whole lifetime doing it again and again. There was no better music than the noises Jaskier made when Geralt had his tongue lapping at the bard’s hole.

Without warning, Jaskier lunged to the edge of the bed, distracting Geralt with the curve of his arse so he didn’t notice what Jaskier was grabbing at until it was too late. The dagger was at his throat forcing him back onto the mattress, the tip of the blade hooking underneath that wolf medallion.

“Gotcha,” Jaskier winked, knocking all the air from Geralt’s lungs in less than a heartbeat.

“Jask,” he breathed, his words slurred as he struggled to see through the fog of lust.

“If I forgive you, witcher, do you promise not to throw me away like that again?” the bard’s eyes burned, but Jaskier saw through the mask to the scared little boy, one so frightened of being abandoned.

“Never again,” he vowed. “I swear.”

Jaskier let out a soft sigh and the tension visibly melted away from his body. “Good enough for me.”

And then he pressed their bodies together once more in a burning kiss that would stay with Geralt for the rest of his life.

#the witcher #geraskier #geralt/jaskier #geralt x jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier pankratz #wolfie's witcher writing

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crimeshowtrash · 4 years

Text

Second Chances

Chapter 3

Warnings: none

Words: 1.5k

Updates: every Tuesday

A/N: I have some blurbs about Hotch and Maya’s first impressions of the other. They’re going to be posted soon! Also yay for me bc I don’t have COVID! But I did catch a bug from one of the kids at work so that’s why this chapter is up later than normal.

Find out what happened in Chapter 2

“Knock Knock”, said Maya before entering Hotch’s office.

“Good morning Bose, what can I do for you?”, asked Hotch.

“You can accept these cookies and come over for dinner this weekend as an apology for my daughter's behavior”, said Maya.

“You don’t need to do that. Kids will be kids”, replied Hotch.

“I know, but Mira is a whole different breed this most”, said Maya.

“She’ll turn out great. Just look at who she has to look up to”, responded Aaron.

“Who? A deadbeat dad, a single mom who’s barely keeping it together, and grandparents who outwardly hate her mom. She won family of the year”, huffed out Maya.

Aaron’s eyes softened, looking at Maya with a warmheartedly.

“Enough about me. We insist! And bring Jack. They’ll have loads of fun”, said Maya placing a fresh cup of coffee and the chocolate chip cookies that had been baked the night before.

“We’ll come but only if we can bring dessert”, replied Aaron.

“Sounds like a plan. Saturday at 7:30 work for you?”, asked Maya.

“Sounds good. And thank you for the cookies”, said Hotch.

“No problem Hotch! And before I leave, any allergies or deep dislikes I need to know about?”, asked Maya.

“Nope, Any requests for dessert?”, questioned Aaron.

“How about ice cream? You can’t go wrong there”, said Maya.

Hotch smiled and said “got it” before Maya left the room.

***

Maya rushed around the townhouse, getting ready for the Hotchners who should be arriving any second now. The smell of freshly baked bread permeated throughout. The autumnal candles burning, and Mira watching Dragon Tales filled the small home the two had made for themselves.

The doorbell rang, Maya took off her apron and quickly inspected her white sweater for any food stains before heading downstairs to get the door. “Come on in you two. It’s pretty chilly outside for early November”, said Maya, ushering the two in.

Aaron and Jack walked into the foyer, the nervous smile on Jack’s face melted her heart.

“And you must be the famous Jack Hotcher I’ve heard so much about”, said Maya crouching down to the small child tightly gripping his father's hand.

Jack nodded and said, “yes Ma’am”.

Smiling at the adorable kid Maya said, “you don’t need to call me Ma’am, just Maya will do. How about I show you to the living room where Mira is playing with Legos and watching tv?”.

Jack nodded his head eagerly before pausing to look up at his father.

“Go! You don’t need to ask me for permission here”, said Hotch with a nod of his head.

Jack ran up the stairs, heading for the television.

“You sure do make cute kids Hotch”, said Maya before blushing as she realized what she said.

“I mean...uhm. I didn’t mean that”, stuttered out Maya.

A blushing Hotch said, “don’t worry about it”.

After a very hearty meal of seafood bisque (with a tomato and basil option for the kids), freshly baked bread, and salad, the group made their way to the sofa.

“Ma, can we play Candyland?”, asked Mira.

“What do you say Jack, you wanna play Candyland?”, asked Maya looking towards the younger of the Hotchner men.

“Yes please!”, piped out the young boy.

“Okay, you all set it up while I go get dessert”, said Maya.

“Do you need any help?”, asked Aaron.

“Sure, let the kids set up the game. You can help me with the coffee.”, replied Maya.

The two walked into the kitchen where Maya took out the coffee mugs.

“Here you go. I’ll go get the ice cream for the kids” said Maya, handing Hotch the mugs.

“Thanks, and what water do you normally use?”, questioned Hotch.

“Filtered please!”, responded Maya, pointing to the Brita by the sink.

Hotch set to making the coffee as Maya waited for the ice cream to thaw and become more scoopable.

“So how have you been liking being on the team”, asked Hotch.

“In all honesty, It’s been an adjustment. Working with people who have created their own family while being an outsider is difficult. And not only that but you all are the most perceptive group of people I have ever worked with”, sighed out Maya.

Hotch’s face held a look of understanding.

“I remember what it was like when I first got here. I know it can be tough, especially for people who like keeping some semblance of privacy”, said Aaron.

“Exactly. I love being a part of the team. It’s been what I’ve wanted for years. But you all tell eachother everything. And while I am open with certain parts of my life, there are other parts of me that nobody outside of like 4 people know”, replied Maya fiddling with the ice cream scoop.

“They’re nosy. I’ll give you that. But they’re just trying to help. All the team wants is for everyone to feel like they can be open and talk about their life and any problems they may have”, said Aaron.

“I guess it’s just a personal thing. I never really had anyone these past 10 years or so that I felt I could truly confide in so I don’t feel comfortable opening up to people anymore. But I mean that’s how abusers want you to feel, right? That you’re all alone so that you don’t ever leave”.

A sorrow look appeared on Aaron’s face as he reached his hand out to hold Maya’s.

“Maya, if you ever need anything you know you can come to us, right?”

Maya’s heart fluttered as she said, “I know Hotch, but honestly he’s the reason Mira is in my life. So he did something good, right??”.

“Absolutely, Mira might be a handful just like her mother but we wouldn’t trade you for the world, just like you wouldn’t trade her”, said Aaron truthfully.

Maya smiled, a twinkle in her eye, as the oven beeped.

She opened the oven, the warmth of both the oven and smell of cinnamon permeated.

“Maya, we were in charge of dessert. What did you do?”, asked Hotch as he poured the prepared coffee into the 2 mugs.

“Calm down Hotch. Nothing goes better with ice cream than freshly baked apple pie”, said Maya with a smile.

“You keep feeding us like this and Jack will never want to leave”, replied Hotch.

“And what about you?”, asked Maya.

“What about me?”, questioned Hotch.

“Don’t play dumb with me Agent, it’s not very becoming. Would you want to leave?”, reiterated Maya.

Looking at Maya intently with his smoldering eyes, Hotch said, “No, I wouldn’t want to leave either”, before taking the cups of coffee to the living room.

As he walked away, Maya couldn’t help but notice his back muscles rippling underneath his sweater as he took each step.

“Get yourself under control. His wife died mere months ago”, muttered Maya before she brought the dessert out to everyone.

As the two Hotchner's left for the evening after a riveting game of Candyland, Maya couldn’t help but wonder whether her and Hotch’s flirty banter was just that or whether they meant he held actual feelings for her.

***

Maya was filling up yet another cup of coffee before she went back to her desk to finish up her last report from the case when Hotch walked in.

“Jack has been talking about how cool Maya is recently”, said Hotch.

“Well, I am cool. So you’ve got a smart kid there”, said Maya smiling as she took a sip.

“We want to have you over and return the favor. And the kids get along great. So come on over this Saturday”, replied Hotch.

“Will do, want me to bring anything?”, asked Maya.

“Just yourself and Mira. After last time, I don’t trust you”, said Hotch.

“You do realize that I’ll bring something anyways”, said Maya with a grin.

Hotch smiled as he shook his head and headed back to his office.

***

“So what’s this Saturday?”, asked Emily.

“I don’t know, your neighbor's dog's baptism?”, asked Maya.

JJ snorted and Penelope was so very glad she had waited before taking a sip of her hot tea.

“No it’s your second date with Hotch!”, exclaimed Emily.

“No it’s not! We’re not dating!”, replied Maya loudly.

“But you want to be”, said Em.

Scoffing, Maya rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so what’s happening here?”, asked a confused Penny.

“Notching. I invited Jack and Hotch over as an apology dinner for the diarrheahead fiasco. And Jack and Mira seem to get along well so we’re having dinner at their place on Saturday”, replied Maya.

“And you’re not attracted to the man at all?”, questioned JJ.

“No! Absolutely not! And Hayley just died, what kind of monster do you take me for?”, asked Maya.

“It’s almost been a year Maya”, said JJ at the same time as Emily said, “a monster with eyes”.

“Okay, he might be nice to look at, but I am not into him at all”, stated Maya firmly.

“I don’t know about you guys but, methinks the lady doth protest too much”, said Penelope.

Taglist: @kathleenjasmine @mickeysmentalhealth

#Criminal Minds #aaron hotchner x oc #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner one shot #aaron hotchner fanfiction #bau #bau imagine #bau oneshot #bau fanfic #bau x oc #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds one shot #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds fic #bau fic #poc reader #poc fic

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horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 19

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- i feel like nothing really happens in this chapter and im sorry. im trying to settle the relationships. but next chapter will be up asap so you don’t have to wait too long.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 19 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I kept glancing at the backseat through Harry's mirror but I couldn't see well enough and ended up turning my whole body to take a look. My heart sank in my chest when I noticed Niall's arm around Maya's shoulders but i tried to ignore the sound of my heart breaking again as I answered to my best friend's smile. I couldn't deny the obvious fact that they looked so good together and the thought made me nauseous with jealousy. The couple I could make with Niall could never hold the candle to what i was seeing and it was fucking unfair, as juvenile as it sounded.

"Cozy in the back?"

My eyes moved to Harry who was smiling to Niall and Maya through his mirror and I quickly looked down as Maya giggled.

"Very, thank you!" she played along.

I glanced back at them again and noticed her hand on his thigh and this time, I shut my eyes tight, trying to control my feelings. It was pathetic how much this simple display of affection affected me and I started to wonder how i'd be able to handle seeing them make out or more. How would I manage to get over it when I would hear Niall tell her that he loves her?

I wanted to run away but I was stuck in the car for an other half hour and it was killing me. It seemed to last for hours but when we finally pulled in Maya's driveway, I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I heard him whisper and she chuckled in the backseat and I took a big breath before to put on a smile and turn to look at them. They weren't paying attention to me at all. Maya had her phone out and was taking a selfie of them both where she was kissing him on the corner of his lips. I blinked a few times and swallowed, wondering if Niall liked this or not. He was more on the private side but Maya seemed very different. I hadn't seen the picture but there was one thing I was sure about : it was perfect.

"You'll text me?" she whispered, making me frown and rising hope inside me.

Were they going to part? Somehow, I thought they were just both going to leave together and finding out they were not made my heart go back to a normal rhythm. He nodded and sent her a smile before she finally turned to me.

"It was so nice meeting you, Olivia." she let out, tilting her head, her eyes moving to Harry. "And good seeing you again, Harry."

I sent her a small smile and nodded once as she smiled more. I wanted to tell her it was great meeting her too, but that would mean I would say it was great seeing her kissing my best friend who also happened to be the only person I ever fell in love with, and it really wasn't. Lying wasn't an option here.

"I'm happy for you both, I hope we can double date, sometimes."

The simple thought of going on a date with them made me nauseous. Thinking about them cuddling and kissing and calling each other cute names made me want to puke.

"That's a brilliant idea, Maya!" Harry said with a smile, glancing at me as his lips curled into a smirk before turning back to her. "I don't know if you noticed but these two are hard to separate. A double date seems like a grand idea."

I saw Maya's smile falter slightly and she finally found it back, turning to Niall again to kiss him. He had remained silent the whole time and when my eyes found him, I realized he was staring at me. I felt my heart squeeze in my chest and when Maya demanded his attention, he blinked a few times and smiled at her, kissing her cheeks gently. I didn't see her reaction. All I could think about was how Niall was looking at me and how bad I wanted to be with him.

I guessed I lost track of time because when I felt the car stop again, we were at Niall's. I sent him a sad smile but felt Harry's arms around my waist, making me shiver. His lips reached for the side of my face and brushed against my ear, making me shiver. He noticed the quiver that crossed my body and chuckled low, letting his lips run to my jaw. Those small details that Harry always managed to do were testing my libido in a manner I couldn't explain. How did he notice what makes me moan, shiver, laugh?

"I'll call you." he whispered. I could feel his breath hit gently my skin and my lips curled at how good he smelled. "Or better. Text me. As many times as you want. All day."

This time, I laughed but eventually frowned at his words. I noticed Niall had undone his seat belt but I just moved my head away, tilting it to look at Harry.

"I'm sorry, I sort of expected you to stay at Niall's." he explained still low, his eyes roaming to my lips and then back up in my eyes. "I told you, I understand this friendship."

I felt a sudden wave of affection wash over me and my lips curled into a large smile. I cupped his face and pressed my lips against his, making him chuckle. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have found someone who understood and respected the relationship I had with Niall. I didn't know how long I could last, watching my best friend with an other girl, but I knew Harry was going to be there. And that meant more to me than I could explain.

"Thank you so much, Harry." I whispered, deepening the kiss to taste him again. "I'll text you. I promise."

I pulled away, my palms still pressed against his cheeks and we stared at each other with a smile for a few seconds. I finally pecked his lips quickly and laughed a bit before getting out of his car. Niall had already opened the trunk to grab our bags and I closed it again before waving at Harry as he left.

"Young love." Niall commented without enthusiasm as I rolled my eyes.

"You mean, you and Maya?"

This time, he remained quiet and I followed him to the front door until he just stopped and turned to me, sending me a small smile. I chuckled again and walked closer to him, slipping my hand in the right pocket of his jeans. I swallowed hard when his odor invaded me and I realized he was not wearing cologne like he normally was, probably because he didn't bring any this weekend. His scent made me dizzy for a few seconds but I took his keys quickly and moved away.

No matter who I was with or what I tried, what I felt for Niall was never going to disappear or even fade at all. I didn't think I had realized that before but at this moment, it hit me like a ton of brick. You only have one soulmate, and Niall was mine. I was not his, that much was obvious, but he was mine and I was doomed to spend the rest of my life without knowing what it felt like to be with my other half.

"Alright petal, it's getting heavy." he expressed, snapping me out of my thoughts and making me laugh.

"Oh poor baby!" I joked, laughing again as I unlocked his door.

"Yea you owe me, I always carry your bags." he pointed out as I rolled my eyes.

"Yep, you're a gentleman, Nee."

I heard him let all the bags fall down in the lobby and chuckled walking to his room and sitting down on the bed. When he passed by the door, I held my breath. He sent me a smile that I sent back but I suddenly felt like shit. I was here, spending time with the only man I ever loved, while seeing one of his friends but still hoping he's gonna open his eyes and realize i'm the person he needs. I knew it was not going to happen but just wishing for it made me feel like a crappy (and crazy!) person.

He took a few steps closer and all I could think about was him bending down to kiss me and lay me on the bed. I wanted to feel his body on top of mine, his lips on my skin, his voice telling me how much he loved me. I felt myself tear up when I realized he would do all this with Maya and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Give me some space." he asked, waiting until I moved to throw himself in his bed.

I lied down on my back next to him and stared at the ceiling I was so used to see and that I could recognize anywhere. The fact that I was so often at Niall's was nothing surprising and I admit that at some point, I almost asked him to move in with him. Of course, I couldn't afford half of this house but I was ready to pay a rent. The only thing that stopped me was that if I lived with him and had my own room, I would have no excuse to sleep in his bed.

"I'm glad we're back." I let out, my voice echoing lightly in the silent room. "It's hard to be around so many people for so long."

"You tell me about it!" Niall chuckled, turning his head my way. "You know how I love spending all my free time with people."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, knowing that even if he was a people person, there was nothing he enjoyed more than being home alone.

"You realize I'm here, right? You're not alone." I pointed out, turning my head to look at him too.

"You don't count." he explained with a shrug, making me move my head up a bit.

"Excuse you?" I let out, sending him a playfully offended look. "I fucking count! I'm the one that counts the most!"

Amused, he smirked at me and laughed.

"You keep telling yourself that, loser!"

As if he knew I was going to jump on him, he moved his arms over his face and I threw myself over him, trying to pinch him. I ran my hands down his sides and he started laughing as he squirmed.

"Okay! Okay! You count!" he yelled, making me stop.

I laughed a bit, still straddling him, but couldn't take my eyes off of his face. He was smiling and he raised his nose up.

"You're still a loser, though." he joked.

I grimaced and stuck my tongue out at him, suddenly registering the position we were in. I held my breath and sat next to him, my body facing him and my legs crossed. I tapped his stomach with one of my fingers and he glanced at it before looking at me, raising his eyebrows.

"What do you propose we do for the rest of the afternoon?"

"A movie marathon?" he proposed.

"Back To The Future!" I exclaimed, my eyes getting bigger and my back straighter. "I'll make popcorn!"

"You've seen these movies a millionth times!" Niall argued with a groan, moving his upper body to lean on his elbows. "Are you sure you-"

His sentence was shortened by the sound of his phone and he sighed, grabbing it from his pocket and letting himself fall back on the bed to look at the notification he received. I was about to get up and go to the kitchen to get snacks when I noticed his face turn into a surprised expression. He literally dropped his phone on his face as I tried to suppress a chuckle. The sight was hilarious, I had to admit, and he cursed a few times in a low tone as he took his phone back.

"Look who's clumsy now!"

"She posted it." he simply explained after a few seconds of silence. "I can't believe she fucking posted it."

"Who posted what?"

Instead to answer, Niall turned his phone my way. I stared at his screen but it took me a few seconds to register what I was looking at. I was on Niall's instagram account and right there, to everyone's sight, was the selfie Maya had taken half an hour before. She was kissing him, half her mouth pressed on half of his, and I felt nauseous, exactly how I was when it was taken. My lips parted in surprise but it's really the caption that killed me.

"A man to call my own." Niall said out loud as I stared at the words. "A man to call my own!" he repeated a bit louder, annoyance clearly obvious in the tone of his voice. "Why the fuck did she do that?"

I pushed gently on the screen, hating the sight of this picture and he put it over his chest as he closed his eyes tight, groaning again. I stared at him a few seconds, nibbling on my bottom lip, and finally shrugged.

"I mean, was it a secret?" he opened his eyes at my words and frowned. "That you're dating her, I mean."

He shook his head a few times and sighed, his eyes closed.

"I am not dating her." he pointed out with an angry voice. "I made that clear from the start."

"Did you?" I asked cautiously. "Because you kissed her and held her hand and all. In front of everyone, too."

"No!" he blurted out, sitting up quickly. I jumped slightly and he turned to me. His face was so close I could feel the irritation emanating from him. "She kissed me. She held my hand."

"And you let her." I pointed out as he groaned louder. "Look all I'm saying is maybe she thought you changed your mind."

His face softened and his eyes roamed on my face. I glanced at his lips when he licked them and after a while, he sighed.

"I do seem to do that a lot these days." he confessed in a calmer voice as I tilted my head, sending him a questioning look. "Change my mind, I mean. I just don't feel like myself."

I didn't feel like myself either, so I could totally understand the feeling, but I had to admit that Niall had had a few weird reactions recently. I knew he was not really happy about what Harry and I had but I didn't know why he was so pissed about it. I didn't know why he threw a tantrum, or why he didn't trust his bandmate. I didn't know why he gave in to Maya after saying he was not interested. Now that I thought about it, I had to agree with him. He was acting differently.

"Maybe it's just a rough patch?" I proposed, shaking my head a bit. "You're not a different person, you're just a bit more... impulsive? Slightly more short-tempered?"

He didn't answer and I brought my hand over his, squeezing it. I could feel his fingers holding tightly his phone but I kept my eyes on him.

"You're just tired. The tour was long and a lot of work, you're exhausted."

I loved the way he looked at me and we both stayed quiet and motionless, so much that I almost forgot how to breathe. I kept hearing the words 'I love you' echo in my head but I pressed my lips together, scared they would come out.

"So, you're not dating her." I whispered, knowing he could hear me because of the proximity of our faces.

"No, nothing like you and Harry's relationship." he murmured back but slightly louder than me.

"I'm not dating Harry." I replied quickly, feeling my heart skip a beat.

"Did you make that clear with him?" he added without moving, returning me the question I had easily threw at him.

The truth was, I had not. I knew how Harry was, and he was not the type to put labels on people, relationships, or even himself. But now that I saw how mad and uncomfortable Niall was, I decided maybe I should have a conversation with Harry. Of course, Maya and I were very different. I would never post a picture like that online at all. I did have an instagram and a twitter account with way too many followers I didn't deserve, but I was not the type to post pictures like that with captions like that.

"I didn't." I admitted low again, licking my lips nervously.

I felt like jumping out of bed and calling Harry but none of my muscles seemed to be able to move. I was torn between staying close to Niall and leaving to make things clear with Harry, and as much as I wanted to stay with my best friend, I knew we both had things to do, responsibilities to take care of and people to talk to.

"Rain check on the movie marathon?"

He blinked a few times and shook his head, looking down to grab my hands. When his eyes met mine again, I held my breath and squeezed his fingers.

"How about we meet here in," he turned his wrist, still holding my hand tight, and looked down to check his watch. "Three hours."

I didn't answer but kept looking at him and eventually shrugged with one shoulder.

"You can talk to Harry, and I can talk to Maya." he continued slowly. "But we can spent the evening together."

I felt my whole body on fire suddenly when I realized that he wanted to spend time with me as much as I wanted to spend time with him. I simply nodded and he sighed, taking his phone in his hand and quickly typing something. It took me a few seconds to react but I took my own phone in my pocket and followed his lead.

'Can we talk?' I typed, hitting 'send'.

The answer was almost instant.

'Of course, when?'

'Right Now.'

This time, it took Harry a few minutes to answer. I felt my palm sweat against the plastic of my phone and my heart started racing. I didn't even know what I was going to tell him. I didn't even know what I wanted, and what I was expecting from him. All I knew was that we had to talk and when he replied that he was jumping in his car to come and pick me up, I closed my eyes tight, even more stressed than I already was.

---

We opted for a small cafe and sat in the back. I waited until he picked the bench and sat in front of him, on a chair. I noticed he frowned slightly at my choice to not sit next to him but I sent him a smile as the waitress came to get our order. He simply picked a latte but I asked for a caramel coffee and it took me only a few seconds to remember that it's exactly what Harry tasted like.

We remained silent while waiting for what we ordered and I stared at my hands, not being able to slow down the beatings of my heart. Harry deserved better than a girl who didn't know what she wanted. He clearly deserved better than me.

"So what's wrong, Livi?"

The nickname made the left corner of my lips raise. Only a few people used to call me like that but I hadn't heard it in years. It was cute and made me feel like a kid again.

"I just wanted to know..." I breathed in and looked up, my eyes meeting his questioning gaze. "What are we, Harry? I know you don't like labels and I don't necessarily want to label what we have but something... happened and it made me question what we have. This. Us."

He frowned for half a second, still staring at me, but remained silent. Bringing his hands on the counter, he intertwined his own fingers and leaned them on the table. I had the sudden urge to kiss him : Move over the table, cup his face, kiss his lips... and maybe more. But I didn't move.

"What do you want us to be, Olivia?"

His question took me by surprise and I moved my head back with surprise. After a few seconds, I sighed and moved closer to him, tilting my head. He was beautiful and I noticed the start of a stubble appearing on his face. His light eyes seemed to shine in amusement and he raised his eyebrows, waiting for my answer.

"I-I mean..."

His hands slowly reached out for mine, the warm of his palms making me relax suddenly and I smiled at him more. I liked how lightly he took this and it made me realize that I was being nervous for no reason. Harry was a laid-back guy, which was one of the reasons he got along with Niall so well.

"I just don't want anything official yet." I let out, shaking my head and shrugging with my eyes closed. "I'm not ready for that and I don't want to be all over social medias as your girlfriend. I don't want more rude comments or people shelling me and every single part of my body. I don't want to be judged and bitched at and I don't want to get hate."

I knew what all this felt like if only for being friends with Niall. It took everyone a while to see me as only his friend, and not as his potential future girlfriend, but I had received enough hatred for a lifetime and I knew that being seen with Harry was going to bring me just as much, if not more, hating messages. When I looked up, I swore I could read sadness and hurt in his eyes and it suddenly made me feel guilty. Did I go too far?

"I know you've been through that before and still do sometimes, and I wouldn't want you to have it worse by being seen hand in hand with me." he explained, staring in my eyes. "I'm a private person. We don't have to be official, we don't have to be seen making out. I won't force you do to anything. I just want to spend time with you, have fun, get to know you and... I mean, we'll see from there."

I nodded at his words, feeling suddenly lighter. I could barely believe I was having this conversation with Harry. Despite what I had just said, I craved intimacy and I wanted to be close to him in ways I shouldn't in a public place.

"Maybe some day, you'll want to be official."

Once again, my heart jumped in my chest at his words. I couldn't believe Harry would want to be in a steady relationship with me and it made me chuckle.

"Maybe some day I will."

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dnkaus · 5 years

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Fateful Visions | Chapter 33: Closure

Namjoon x Reader (OC)

Summary: We learn about the villian of this story. Maya and Namjoon face the mental repercussions of experiencing trauma and come in terms with their own selves and their relationship.

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Previous Part: Chapter 32

2 years after Maya’s Kidnapping

It had been a few years since the kidnapping. The case had closed about a year and a half ago and the decision was that Maya’s infamous kidnapper would go to jail for 15 years. But there are two sides to each story. Up till this point, you had gotten to learn a lot about Maya and Namjoon. But you may be wondering, who was Maya’s kidnapper? Who would be so cruel to hurt another human in such a way? Why did the previous chapter end the way it did? Well, it’s time for this story to shift attention. Let’s meet the villain of this story. Let’s meet Kim Ree-Mi, the woman with the red dress that Namjoon met in that dark room.

Kim Ree-Mi is the daughter of a well-known businessman in Korea. She has an MBA from Harvard. But besides being very well-educated. Ree-Mi is also quite generous. She volunteers at the homeless shelter every Saturday and donated a considerable amount of money to BTS’s #EndViolence campaign. Ree-Mi also used to have a fansite before the kidnapping incident. Yes, her fansite was dedicated to Namjoon. As mentioned in her conversation with Namjoon, she had known about BTS’s music even before they debuted. She went to almost every event and dedicated her life to BTS. You can say, she was in love. A love that was so strong that she often couldn’t understand how to process her feelings. Every second of her life belonged to Namjoon and BTS. She barely slept at times, making sure Namjoon was sound asleep.

You may be wondering, how did she know whether Namjoon was asleep? Well, these things are so easy to find out nowadays. Tracking phones, cameras, and easily influenced staff members, all helped Ree-Mi keep her eye on Namjoon at all times. No matter what part of the world Namjoon was in, Ree-Mi was there too. Money can get you anything in this world...well, almost anything.

Some consider Ree-Mi as a saesang. And she would proudly admit that she was. Her love for Namjoon wasn’t the stupid superficial type like the other saesangs. Her love was real. And there was nothing in this world that could change her mind about that. She did stop keeping an eye on Namjoon after going to prison. But even during that time, she would often write letters to Namjoon asking how he was doing. He never responded. But that’s okay.

To get to the point, Ree-Mi only had one motive to kidnap Maya. Ree-Mi wanted to see how real Maya’s love was for Namjoon. Was Maya even capable enough to be with Namjoon? To find out Ree-Mi had kept an eye on Maya’s every move since Maya and Namjoon went on their first date and in the end she had concluded that Maya and Namjoon had some deep connection. That would be the only possible explanation of why Namjoon would risk so much for someone so ordinary such as Maya.

Ree-Mi wasn’t jealous of Maya...Okay, maybe she was a little jealous. But honestly, she was mostly intrigued by Maya. She was intrigued by the way Namjoon would look at Maya. Ree-Mi often imagined what it would have been like if Namjoon had looked at her the same way he looked at Maya.

But alas, he never did. So, in pure frustration and anger, Ree-Mi began to bother Maya with those threats. Initially, those threats weren’t meant as anything. They were just meant to ruin Maya’s day. However, one day when Maya and Namjoon did an interview for the Huempathy campaign and Ree-Mi saw the way Namjoon defended Maya, a part of Ree-Mi sort of collapsed and she gave in to her urge of hurting Maya. That afternoon when Maya went back to her dressing room, Ree-Mi had left her a note.

“You have two choices. You can either leave this campaign and Namjoon right now or suffer the consequences”

Maya stupidly chose to run to Namjoon and she forgave him for hurting her. In fact, Maya and Namjoon even spent the night together after that press conference because Maya was afraid she would die soon, if the threats were true, and wanted to spend whatever time she had left with the love of her life. But at the time, Ree-Mi thought, by choosing to become closer to Namjoon, Maya was asking for a war.

And so the war began. A war that had a very dissatisfactory ending. Ree-Mi ended up hurting the one person she wanted to protect. Her weapons ended up hurting Namjoon more than anyone else. She can never forgive herself for that. She will never forget the pain she caused Namjoon and the guilt that she knew would eventually consume her.

To cope with the guilt, Ree-Mi spent the first few months in prison thinking about ways to apologize to Namjoon. That was why she had written the letters. But when she didn’t receive a response, she knew she had to choose another way of dealing with the guilt. During her time in prison, Ree-Mi also reflected on her actions towards Maya and realized that if she truly loved Namjoon, she would also respect his love for Maya.

That’s why Ree-Mi decided to write a story.

The story that Ree-Mi wrote was about a woman and man that were meant to be together and they would have visions about the future when they touched and looked at each other. But due to fate, they suffered various obstacles to be together. Ree-Mi hoped that Namjoon would read this story and realize that Ree-Mi had come to the realized that she had no place in Namjoon’s life and that was okay. Ree-Mi will always view Namjoon and Maya as prime examples of soulmate.

With that, I announce that I am Kim Ree-Mi, the writer of this story.

Each and every word of this story is just my perception of Maya and Namjoon. This story represents my love for Namjoon and the love of his life, Maya. Everything you read so far was just my take on Maya and Namjoon’s relationship. Me, a saesang and also the villain of the story. You must be wondering what I gained out of writing this story. Well, actually I gained a lot.

These past several months have really made me question what it means to be a fan. Do I hold even a little space in my idol’s heart? Does it even matter whether my idol knows who I am in the grand scheme of life? If the idol and fan relationship means nothing, then what is the meaning of everything I worked for these past several years? Is it Namjoon’s fault that he didn’t fall in love with me even though I was there in front of him this whole time? Or, is it my fault for believing that I could be with him without ever truly knowing him? Who is Kim Namjoon? Who is Kim Ree-Mi? What is my identity outside of being a terrible saesang that almost killed her own idol? I thought I would ponder these questions until my last breath. But writing this story made me realize, there was no right answer. I started as a fan of Namjoon’s music, but along the way, I forgot my own identity in the process of loving him. This story made me realize, I was only an outsider in Namjoon’s life. That is what we’ll all always be. Only Namjoon and Maya would know themselves.

In the end, Namjoon and I could not be together in this life, but maybe in another, we’ll end up together. I hope Namjoon and Maya both live a peaceful life and I apologize for the trouble I have caused. May they both live happily ever after.

Publisher’s note: Kim Ree-Mi passed away right after submitting her final draft of this story to us. Please note that we did not know she would take her life when she had began writing the story. We pray she rests in peace.

———--END OF FATEFUL VISIONS————

Epilogue

Note: This portion of the story is not written from Kim Ree-Mi’s perspective and is not a part of “Fateful Visions.” This is the real Maya and Namjoon.

6 Months after Namjoon was released from the Hospital

It had been some time since the incident. It had been a while since Namjoon had been inside that dark room where Maya was kept. But those images still felt fresh inside his head. Namjoon held on to his desktop mouse tightly as he felt a sense of panic come over him suddenly. He was just sitting at his computer, working on a song, when a random melody triggered the panic. For some reason, the melody reminded him of the incident and that elicited the stress. Namjoon gripped the mouse tightly, trying to take deep breaths. The images of Maya being stuck in the room, the feeling of getting shot, both kept lingering inside his head. Namjoon felt like he couldn't breathe.

He felt like he was about to faint. His back brace, from the physical rehabilitation center, was starting to feel tight suddenly. Like he was suffocating in his own skin. He clenched his jaw, trying to fight the feeling, fight himself, and turned off the speaker. The melody stopped playing and suddenly felt a wave of relief. He tried to breathe again. Soaking in the silence.

All of a sudden he heard the door to his studio open and heard footsteps followed by someone setting something on the table behind him and suddenly someone covered his eyes. Namjoon was about to panic again until he realized the softness of those hands belonged to none other than Maya.

“--Maya” Namjoon mumbled.

“Happy Birthday, Joon” Maya tenderly replied.

“Thanks...sorry, I was just working on a—” Namjoon’s sentence was cut off as Maya held up the object she had placed earlier on the table behind him. It was a small cake.

“Don’t be sorry...I am sorry for barging in like this, but I wanted to get here earlier before our appointment so I can give this to you.”

Maya handed Namjoon the cake with a small candle on it. Namjoon smiled and took the cake into his hands.

“Didn’t we already celebrate last night?” Namjoon asked in confusion. Last night Maya had kept Namjoon awake, so that as soon as the clock had struck 12, Maya and the other BTS members could surprise Namjoon with a small party. It was just in BTS’s apartment and it was really just them, but still, the party had gone on till the early morning.

“Well, that party was more for the boys. They planned that whole thing and I was just a device to keep you distracted.” Maya laughed. “You can say I am selfish and I wanted us to have our own little celebration,” Maya added. “That’s hardly selfish…I wanted to spend time with you too.” Namjoon nodded and calmly responded.

“Okay now blow out your candle before the candle wax ruins the cake!” Maya urged.

Namjoon closed his eyes and blew out the candle, making a small wish.

“...Happy Birthday to you!!! Yayyy!” Maya sang the birthday song with just as much enthusiasm as she did last night.

Maya took the cake from Namjoon’s hand and handed him the knife so he can cut the cake. Then they both shifted over to the couch in his studio, feeding each other a bite of the cake.

“This is nice…” Namjoon stated suddenly.

“Yeah, it is…” Maya replied. “So, should we head out for our appointment?” Maya continued.

Namjoon sighed. “yeah, let’s just get it over with”

“You are still afraid…” Maya responded.

“I just hope you don’t leave me after talking to the therapist.” Namjoon was only half-joking.

“That’s not how it works, Joon!” Maya retorted with a slight eye roll.

“Good!” Namjoon said.

Maya helped Namjoon settle into his wheelchair and rolled him out of the studio. Namjoon was still recovering and so he was still using a wheelchair to get around. For the past 6 months, he had been visiting multiple physical and occupational therapists, learning to walk and move around again. Maya was also recovering. Physically she was in much better shape than Namjoon, but mentally both Namjoon and Maya were not doing as well. Things like this change people and their relationship.

A couple of weeks ago, Maya’s younger sister had come to visit Maya in Seoul. Through conversations, she suggested that both Maya and Namjoon go see a therapist. Not only for themselves but for each other. At first, both Namjoon and Maya were hesitant but eventually agreed to give it a try. Han Bi recommended the name of a therapist and both Namjoon and Maya decided to make an appointment.

As Namjoon and Maya arrived, Namjoon was asked to wait in the lobby by the assistant and Maya was led to the doctor’s office first. Maya paused and stared at the door of the therapist and noted the name. Dr. Park Jia was written on the door. Maya took a deep breath and knocked lightly. She was not ready for any of this. But she also knew if she didn’t do this now, the emotional and mental wounds would fester even more.

“Come in” someone inside replied.

Maya opened the door and walked inside. First thing Maya saw was dark wooden furniture and an enormous bookshelf that was filled with what seemed like textbooks.

“Hi…” the lady sitting at the desk replied. The woman was beautiful. She looked like she could be an idol or a model. Her eyes were warm and friendly, yet if one looked closely the may see some sort of sadness within them. Perhaps, it was listening to other people’s sadness, that had impacted the woman to this extent. The woman smiled as she made eye contact with Maya. Her smile seemed familiar to Maya.

“...I am Dr. Park. But you can call me Jia…” Jia, the woman at the desk continued. She spoke in fluent English.

Maya smiled in return and made her way to the desk and responded in English. “Hi, I am Maya.”

“Nice to meet you Maya, please have a seat,” Jia replied.

“You speak English?” Maya asked as she sat down and noticed that Jia barely had an accent.

Jia blushed slightly and replied. “Uh...yeah, I studied Psychology in America...plus I wanted to make you feel more comfortable and thought it would be easier if I spoke in your native language.”

Maya laughed. “At this point, I feel like my Korean is better than my English, to be honest. But thank you for being so considerate.”

“Well, that must be true, since you also wrote your book in Korean.” Jia laughed as well while speaking in Korean.

“Where in America did you study Psychology?” Maya asked.

“I went to UC Berkley” Jia responded.

“Wow, California huh? I am from there too.”

“Oh really? I always heard you were from Arkansas.” “Well, no, that’s where I did my graduate degree.”

“Ah! I see.”

Both became silent for a second.

“How do you know so much about me?” Maya suddenly asked.

Jia laughed again. “BTS and Maya Shroff are pretty famous in Korea. I don’t think there is anyone that doesn’t know you all.”

“Ah... yeah... you are right. I guess I am still not used it...” Maya slowly responded, suddenly remembering the cost she had paid for this fame.

Jia awkwardly cleared her throat. “So, anyways, today, I wanted to sort of create a structure for how we want to do this. I can help you as much as you help yourself and so the question is really what would you like to attain from your time with me? Or, what are you having trouble with?”

Maya was surprised by the question. She had no idea what she wanted from her therapy sessions. She hadn’t given much thought.

“Honestly...I am not sure.” Maya responded after a few seconds.

“That’s okay. We can figure that out today. But for that, I may have to ask you some questions that you might feel uncomfortable answering. Is that okay?” Jia smiled again. It was strange, but every time Jia smiled, her smile reminded Maya of someone she knew. She couldn’t pinpoint who.

Maya nodded.

“So, let me ask you, what do you usually do nowadays? Are you working on another book?” Jia asked.

“Uh, no...I have just been I guess resting recently. My family visited recently, so I have been spending time with them as well.”

“Ah, yes do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah, I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters” Maya stared at her hands in her lap as she responded.

“Woah, that’s a big family. Are they all in America?”

“Right now, yes…”

“Hmm, do you miss them sometimes?”

“Sometimes, yes…”

“I always wondered, how did you get interested in Korean literature?”

“I think the language is beautiful and the stories are always fascinating. I guess I just feel like I can express myself better in Korean.”

“In what ways?” Jia probed.

“I am not sure...it’s just easier for me to write in Korean and sort of articulate my emotions through Korean words. I guess I never thought about why that is. Maybe I was meant to come here so my heart always gravitated towards the language.”

“Ah, that makes sense. Does that mean you believe in fate?”

Maya didn’t respond at first. She turned towards the small window in the office that was on her left.

“I think I do.”

“Does this mean you believe that your experiences are your fate?”

Jia’s words sort of rung inside Maya’s ears. The last time she had really thought about fate was when she was receiving the threats.

“I mean it has to be some form of fate for me to meet Namjoon or to have my blog become so big or to...even experience what happened six months ago, don’t you think? A tear escaped Maya’s eyes. She quickly wiped it.

“What about your choices? Don’t they play a role in your outcome?” Jia asked.

“It’s not like I chose to fall in love with an idol or have a stalker following my every move”

“No, you didn’t. And you definitely did not choose to experience the pain you are feeling right now.” Jia replied. “...But, it does not mean you do not have a choice now.”

“What do you mean?” Maya asked.

“I guess we don’t choose the outcomes, but we choose our path that leads to different outcomes. And we can choose our responses to those outcomes. When I asked you if you believe your experiences are due to your fate, your first response was to jump to the conclusion that I was referring to your relationship with Namjoon or the kidnapping incident. But honestly, I was just referring to your experiences in general.” Jia replied.

“Maya, you have suffered through something that is beyond traumatic and your feelings and your pain are absolutely valid and normal. But you have your whole life ahead of you. You can either choose to define the word ‘experiences’ with your kidnapping or you can change your definition of the word ‘experience’. I think we have found your goal. What do you think?” Jia asked.

Maya paused to think about Jia’s words for a second. For the past six months, everyone around Maya talked about the same things, the same incident, and the same problems. The police, the media, the company, the fans, everyone wanted to remind Maya of those few days in that dark room. But the truth was, Maya couldn’t remember much from those few days. She was always drowsy and tired and numb. The things she did remember were just the weapons that they used to hit her and the hands that had touched her body. Even in those moments, the sensation of pain was almost foreign, as her body would freeze, almost working as an anesthetic.

“Yeah...that would be nice,” Maya answered.

“It might be a lot of work though. Will you be willing to do the work?” Jia asked.

Maya nodded.

“Good. So let me ask you, have you felt anything different since coming out of the hospital?”

“Like what?”

“Like do you feel safe? Do you feel in control of your body?”

Maya thought back to the previous night. She was sitting and watching TV with Namjoon, but she flinched when she heard the doorbell. It was just Seokjin dropping off some food, but even that doorbell had forced Maya to break into a sweat. She knew that was not a normal reaction.

“Sometimes, I get scared by the most trivial things. It used to be that I was only afraid of someone raising their voice with me or when someone made sudden movements towards me. But nowadays, I get scared even by a doorbell.”

“Oh really? Since when did you become scared of people raising their voice around you?” Jia noted something down in a notebook.

“I guess ever since I was little, but more so after I met my ex...he was...not the nicest person…”

“Do your parents know about this?”

“Ummm...no, not really…”

“Why do you think this started when you were little?”

“I am not sure... I guess my family and friends say I was always a scared little girl. I remember I was so nervous to move to Arkansas.”

“Sometimes fear is really just a mechanism to protect us from more danger. We can help alleviate the fear by showing you instances where sudden movements, doorbells, and loud sounds don’t always mean danger.”

Maya nodded.

“I have a question for you, Maya. Please feel free to say you don’t want to answer it right now. But I must ask, why do you think you didn’t tell the police earlier about the threats?”

Maya pursed her lips. This was a question that everyone had been asking her for the past several months.

“I had received my first threat after I went on the first date with Namjoon. I have never told this to him because I know he would feel even more upset if he ever found out...And then the threats stopped for a long time. But then they started again when I got back in contact with Namjoon. Also, I decided to do the Huempathy campaign because I felt like women like me don’t have a voice sometimes. Honestly, Namjoon and I were not on good terms when we started the campaign. We weren’t even together at the time, we were just pretending. I had told Namjoon about the first threat, and that’s why I had the...the bodyguards. But then, I felt like if I told him about the other threats, he would have forced me to step back. And I didn’t want to step back. So I didn’t. Besides, I didn’t think something would actually happen.”

“Wow, you seem to have a lot of thoughts about this. Have many people asked this question?”

“It was the only question that I have been getting these past few months.”

“Well, I have a task for you. I want you to think of all the times in your life that you remember feeling unsafe or you flinched and write it down, that way we can talk about it and process it together. You might have started to associate everyday things with fear or you may have started to associate Namjoon with feelings of unsafety. We can try to work through that together so you can change your thoughts about it.” Jia replied.

“It’s not that I associate Namjoon with feelings of unsafety. He is the only person I feel safe around, to be honest...I just notice that something feels strange between us ever since the incident.” Maya admitted.

“How so?” Jia wanted clarification.

“We haven’t talked about the incident with each other since it happened. I mean at least not one on one.”

“Hmmm...do you think you are afraid of having the conversation? Or do you think he is afraid?”

“I think it’s both of us.”

“Do you think you are afraid this incident has taken a toll on your relationship?”

“It has. But I don’t know how to fix it.” Maya finally broke down.

“How about you write down what you want to say to him. Sometimes writing it out is easier than talking and if that doesn’t work, you can practice talking to me. What do you think about that?”

Maya nodded. She hadn’t written a single word in the past six months, but hearing Jia saying this gave Maya at least some motivation to open up her laptop again.

“Yeah, I will try writing it down.”

“Alright, Maya our time is coming to an end today. But I do want to say that you are already doing an amazing job handling this. You know what to work on now, and that’s the best place to start. It won’t be easy, but I think you can do this. You can do anything. Right?”

Jia handed Maya a kleenex and smiled. It was strange but looking at Jia comforted Maya. Maya stood up from her seat.

“Thanks Jia. It was nice meeting you.” Maya bowed and prepared to leave the room.

“Yeah, same here,” Jia replied and stood up from her seat, following Maya to the door.

Jia came outside with Maya and followed her to the lobby where Namjoon was sitting with a notebook and a pen in his hand. He was writing something.

When Maya went up to Namjoon, Namjoon looked up. Namjoon gave Maya a smile and put his notebook in his pocket. Then Namjoon’s gaze shifted towards Jia.

“Hi, I am Dr. Park Jia...you can call me Jia.” Jia introduced herself and bowed.

Namjoon was still in his wheelchair and still wearing his back brace so he bowed only slightly.

“I am Namjoon. It’s nice to meet you,” Namjoon replied.

“Shall we go in?” Jia suggested.

Namjoon nodded and tried to wheel himself towards the office. However, Jia went behind him and helped him instead. “I can help.” She said.

Maya sat down in a chair in the lobby while Jia helped Namjoon with the wheelchair and rolled him into her office.

When he got inside the office, the first thing Namjoon saw was the bookshelf. It was massive and was filled what seemed like textbooks. He also noticed that there were 3 copies of Maya’s book Wan Blue Night. Namjoon felt a surge of guilt. It had been months since Maya’s book came out, and to be honest, he had not read it. He should have read it. But he couldn’t. Every time he looked at the book, a sense of pain would take over him. Seeing Jia have 3 copies of his girlfriend’s book made him feel even more guilty.

Jia noticed Namjoon looking at the books, so she went over and held up one of the copies.

“Ah, I can’t believe Maya Shroff was in my office just now and I forgot to get her to sign my copy! I can’t believe myself! I’ll have to remember it next time I see her.” Jia took the book over at her desk and set it on the corner and looked over at Namjoon.

“Uh yeah...it’s okay, I am sure Maya would be happy to sign the copy for you,” Namjoon replied.

“Yeah, she is quite sweet.” Jia agreed.

Namjoon finally looked over at his therapist, Jia. And it was crazy but he felt like he had met her before. Jia’s face and smile were abnormally familiar. It was like he was experiencing Deja Vu. Or, perhaps it was Jamais Vu.

“I am sorry but have we met before?” Namjoon suddenly asked.

Jia was taken aback by Namjoon’s sudden question. She laughed. “Uh well, if being at your last year’s stadium concert counts, then yeah I guess we’ve met…”

“Oh, you came to our concert?” Namjoon blushed and asked. All these years and he was still not used to having fans in the most ordinary places.

“Yeah, I have only been to one of your concerts, but it was great! I thoroughly enjoyed it!” Jia exclaimed.

“...but to answer your question, I don’t think we’ve met. And don’t worry, I am not an ARMY by any means. I am definitely Maya’s fan.”

“Oh it’s...it’s not a big deal. I mean…” Namjoon didn’t know how to word his concern.

“No, it’s okay... I know it would have been uncomfortable if I was an ARMY. But I assure you, I only know as much as an average person might know about you and Maya.” Jia assured.

Jia’s guess was right. Namjoon was worried that if Jia was an ARMY, that would completely change his dynamic with her. In the past few months, Namjoon was feeling quite unsure how to react around fans, considering everything that had happened with Ree-Mi.

Jia saw this as a way for her to find an in towards Namjoon’s feelings.

“How are you doing Mr. Kim Namjoon?” Jia asked directly.

“I...I am doing okay.”

“I am asking Namjoon how he is doing, not RM.” Jia clarified.

Namjoon looked towards Jia, her eyes were warm and comforting, but Namjoon also noticed some form of sadness in her eyes. He wondered what the sadness was about.

“ I am not sure what you mean…” Namjoon asked.

“I am asking how you as a human being outside of idol life are doing? What have you been up to? Any hobbies? Or plans?”

Namjoon knew what Jia was asking, but truth be told, he still didn’t have much of an answer.

“I am doing okay. Just recovering and working on music. It’s really hard to do anything with this back brace and wheelchair…”

“That’s understandable. What activities did you use to do before…?”

“Before I got shot?” Namjoon was direct. Unlike Maya, he hated when people tried to beat around the bush about the kidnapping incident. He didn’t want sympathy from people. Namjoon and his girlfriend had enough of that already. He wanted justice. He was still angry.

“Yeah...before you got shot.” Jia picked up on Namjoon’s anger from the way he said the phrase.

“I mean I used to like going to the Han River and biking. I also liked going to exhibits, but I honestly never really had time to do much of that once we started doing more tours and albums.”

“Do you think you as Namjoon would like to do that now?”

“I am not sure. I feel like things are just different now.” Namjoon replied.

“Why is that?” Jia probed.

“...I think I just don’t find those things as much fun anymore.”

“That’s okay. People change and we start developing new hobbies. But for that, we have to give ourselves some time. You mentioned you started working on music again? How is that going?”

Namjoon remembered the panic attack he had experienced earlier in the day. His motivation to produce music had depleted. He was only using music as a distraction from his own thoughts, and he knew that.

“It’s going well I guess…”

“Oh really? Music is really powerful. It can be healing at times, but it can also actually be quite painful at times if you start listening to the wrong songs.”

“I have never heard that before…” Namjoon gave Jia a puzzled look. “I don’t know if this is true in your case, but I know that for a lot of people listening to some melodies can create panic. Has that happened to you before?”

Namjoon sighed. “Yeah, it has.”

“Do you know why you feel this panic?”

“I don’t know. Every time I hear the melody I am working on it reminds me of that woman. Maybe the intonation of her voice that my brain sort of associates with this melody.”

“This might not be something you want to hear, but have you thought about just taking a break from music.”

“I mean I can’t just quit music. I have obligations that I am already not fulfilling. I can’t perform for a year at least...It’s unfair to my members how much time I am taking away from performing. I have put them through so much already…”

“Yes, maybe...but don’t you think it’s more of an inconvenience for them to see you in pain?”

“I feel terrible seeing them having to perform without me. They already have so much going on and on top of that, I am not there…” Namjoon sighed.

“What kind of relationship would you say you have with your group members?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean do you talk to your members about your personal life?”

“Oh...of course, I remember when I first considered dating Maya, the first person I told was Yoongi hyung…they are the most important people in my life. They are my family.”

“Okay, well here is another question, what do you see when you look in the mirror?”

“A man with a terribly broken body,” Namjoon responded bitterly.

“Well, I see a miracle. I wasn’t aware of what was going on at the time when you were shot. But I remember the morning they took you to the hospital, the news were saying you were dying or would be dead soon. And they were showing millions of messages on SNS and other fans crying in videos. It felt terrible to think that we would never see you…and I barely even know you”, Jia paused and folded her hands together, adjusting her posture.

“...Since you were direct with me earlier, I will be direct with you. Namjoon you just came out of a near-death experience. Your family, your girlfriend, your parents, all almost lost you. But all those things aside, you didn’t die. You are alive and well, sitting in front of me, against all odds. If you had died, there would not have been a BTS leader RM or Kim Namjoon. But you didn’t. So now what? You are getting a second chance. So what do you want to do with this chance?”

Namjoon thought about it for a second. “I am not sure…”

“And that’s okay. That’s what we are here to figure out. Your body might heal quicker than your mental wounds. In a year maybe you might physically feel better and think you are ready to perform, but mentally you might not feel ready, and that’s okay. If your members are your family, they’ll understand. Because you would understand too if they had been going through the same thing, right?”

Namjoon nodded. Jia wasn’t scolding Namjoon, but the way she was talking to him made him feel like he was talking to an old friend, rather than a therapist. He needed someone to talk to him so candidly. Someone who wasn’t going to sugar coat things or try to show sympathy.

“I guess I am just worried because I am the leader…”

“Or, maybe you are afraid they won’t need you if you are gone too long…” Jia had hit a sensitive nerve inside Namjoon that he had never even noticed he had. “Your biggest pride is being the leader of BTS. Without it maybe you don’t see yourself as valuable…”

Namjoon pursed his lips. He was not ready to hear that. Was he so easy to figure out? How had Jia figured him out so easily?

“I am proud of BTS. I am proud of RM.” Namjoon clenched his jaw and responded. He knew that the answer was terribly superficial, but that’s all he could say.

“And what about Namjoon?” Jia asked.

“RM is part of Namjoon. A very important part.” Namjoon responded.

“But it’s not the whole picture. From what I am seeing, you have mentioned your music and your obligation as the leader. But have failed to mention your other aspects...such as yourself and even your relationship with your parents or your girlfriend.”

Namjoon was irritated because he knew Jia was right. He thought back to the night at the Grammys when he found out that Maya was missing. He stayed there at the event, and for what?

“Are you saying I am not a good son or boyfriend?” Namjoon asked in between short sobs that erupted out of nowhere.

“No...I am saying you are too good of an idol and leader. You are so good that you forgot that you are also a human.” Jia got up from her seat and walked up towards her bookshelf again. This time she picked up a small picture that was inside a photo frame.

“This is my dad. He is the CEO of Fortune Entertainment.” Jia handed Namjoon the picture. Namjoon looked at it was shocked. He had no idea about Jia’s background. “When I was young, I wanted to be an idol, but I decided to become a therapist after my mom passed away in an accident. My dad still wishes I had taken over his business, but I grew up in that environment and after my mom passed away, I was severely affected and realized that I needed to go down a different path.” Jia paused and went back to her seat.

“...The reason I am saying all of this is that I understand what it is like to be an idol. I understand the demands of this industry. But I think you are in a position to change that mindset, just like you and Maya are doing with racism. You could be the idol that promotes mental well-being.” Jia looked at Namjoon, hoping he would say something.

But his response was not what Jia expected. “I didn’t know you were the heir to Fortune Entertainment.” Namjoon tried to change the topic.

“No, I have already given up rights to the business...but you know that’s not the point”

“What I am saying is...I feel like your love for music and your love for your members has stopped you from loving yourself...despite that being your campaign slogan.Your map of the soul currently consists of 90% RM, and that little 10% Namjoon wants a second chance.”

This was when Namjoon finally burst into tears. Jia’s words stung deep inside Namjoon. And to be honest, it felt terrible. It’s not like he hadn’t tried to keep his Namjoon side alive. But when BTS started gaining popularity, it had become harder and harder for him to be Namjoon. Even that night when Maya went missing, his RM side had won. He had almost lost Maya because of that. He almost lost himself.

“What should I do? Tell me...how do I keep this side of me alive without giving up RM?” Namjoon pleaded.

“Get to know yourself and go spend time with yourself and family and people outside of the company. You can also always come to see me. I promise I am not always this headstrong.” Jia laughed as she offered Namjoon a kleenex.

“I feel like I have to share this with you because I don’t have the courage to talk to Maya about this…” Namjoon replied.

“Sure, what is it?” Jia asked.

“After finding out that Maya was missing, I went on with the Grammys even though I should have gone and looked for her.” Namjoon felt almost relieved to say those words out loud.

“Do you think Maya doesn’t know that?” Jia asked.

“Hmmm?” Namjoon was confused.

“Have you wondered why Maya didn’t tell you about the threats?” Jia asked in return.

“Wait, did she tell you?” Namjoon was suddenly curious.

“I can’t tell you what she told me. But as far as I got to know her today and what I have read about her, I can say, she knows you Namjoon. She knows your map of the soul and she knows you will always pick BTS over her.”

“That’s not fair. She should be mad at me. This is absolutely terrible” Namjoon clenched his fist in utter disappointment.

“She can’t be mad at you when she doesn’t even choose herself,” Jia replied.

Namjoon was awestruck by Jia’s sentence. It had never occurred to him that Maya was in the same conundrum that he himself was in. Both were putting everything else above themselves.

Jia suddenly brought Namjoon out of his thoughts as she handed him Maya’s book that she had set on her desk. “But I think you can both change that. Change your fate. You know?”

“Yeah...I know.” Namjoon took the book and opened the page with the acknowledgments where Maya had dedicated a section to Namjoon.

2 Years Later - 2 Months after Ree-Mi’s book “Fateful Visions” was published

Namjoon and Maya continued their therapy sessions for over a year. During that time they learned to heal themselves and they learned to heal each other. Some things were harder to heal than others. Soon, Namjoon was able to start performing again. BTS revamped their whole identity and began promoting themselves a music group, rather than a boy group. With this new identity, Namjoon and Maya also launched their own duo with the title “Wan Blue Sounds.” Under this name, they released their first song that Namjoon began working on before the incident and Maya ended up writing the lyrics for the song.

Ree-Mi’s book “Fateful Visions” was released posthumously (after her death). The book created a great roar in the world, but it did not fulfill Ree-Mi’s last wish because Namjoon never read it. Namjoon did, however, read “Wan Blue Night,” multiple times. It became one of his favorites of all time, not just because Maya wrote it, but because he was in love with the story itself.

Namjoon began reorganizing his life and started to create boundaries between his role as RM and his role as Namjoon. BTS started taking longer breaks to spend time with their families and friends and to give themselves space. BigHit also filed complaints against saesangs or any fan that crossed boundaries. Plus, they did strict background checks from any security professional that they hired, making sure they were trustworthy. Maya also started her own self-development journey. She began writing again, but this time for herself. She also started taking self-defense classes, wanting to build her own self-confidence.

In February of 2022, Maya and Namjoon finally attended the Grammys again. This time not only was BTS nominated, but also the song that was released by Wan Blue Sounds. The media and world watched as Maya accompanied Namjoon to their seat, and later when BTS won, she also went up to the stage with Namjoon and the boys. Namjoon felt like he had somehow completed an incomplete task after all this time. He was finally able to let go of that incomplete wish.

After the Grammys, BTS decided to go to an unexpected place. They wanted to go back to Maya’s parent’s lake house where they first went when Namjoon and Ji-hyu’s pictures had surfaced. It had been years since they went there, but when they arrived, they felt right at home. This time Maya’s parents also came to visit Maya and also meet the boys. One afternoon, Namjoon was sitting in the backyard reading something, when Maya’s dad suddenly approached him.

“Hey!” Mr.Shroff said as he sat down in the chair next to Namjoon.

“Oh, hi…” Namjoon said. Ever since the kidnapping incident, Namjoon and Mr.Shroff had met multiple times. Maya’s parents came to visit him when he was in the hospital and after Maya and Namjoon began their recovery process.

“What book is that?” Mr.Shroff asked.

“Oh...it’s ummm...it’s actually Maya’s manuscript for her next book. She wanted me to give her feedback.” Namjoon replied. While Namjoon and Mr.Shroff had met multiple times, things were always a bit awkward.

“Oh really? She didn’t tell me she finished the draft of the book.” Mr.Shroff responded as he took a sip of his tea.

“Yeah, I think she just finished it on our way to the award show.”

“Well, it’s not like she would tell us anything anyway.” Mr.Shroff huffed.

“I apologize for my candidness, but it’s not like you have that relationship with her.” Namjoon retorted.

“Fair enough...so, I guess I’ll get to the point then. Maya’s mom wanted to know when are you going to marry Maya? You are both almost 30…”

“Oh...wow...umm, Maya and I haven’t talked about it. Honestly, I think we are both happy with the way things are right now. ”

“But you can’t just live like this forever.” Mr.Shroff gave Namjoon a ridiculous look.

“Why not?” A sudden voice replied behind Namjoon and Mr.Shroff’s chair. It was Maya. She came up and sat down next to Namjoon.

Mr. Shroff glanced at Maya.

“I am sorry, dad, but why can’t Namjoon and I live like this forever if we wanted to?” This wasn’t the first time Maya’s parents had mentioned the topic of marriage to Maya. They had been bugging her ever since she got out of the hospital. But this time Maya was more irritated because she realized they only wanted to spend more time with her and Namjoon so that they could bug Namjoon about it as well.

“Listen, I know you young folks want to be edgy and don’t believe in the institution of marriage, but trust me, when you get older and the legal ramifications start making sense to you, then you’ll understand,” Mr.Shroff said.

“I don’t think we are against the institution of marriage, we just haven’t considered it and don’t want to be forced into it,” Maya replied. “Namjoon and I want to do things our own way and I hope you and mom can respect that. We are both really happy together and very much in love, and if things go right and we both think we are right for each other, when the time comes, we’ll get married. Right, Joon?” Maya looked over at Namjoon, seeking his approval.

Namjoon nodded. “Absolutely. Sir, I just want to clarify that I do really care about your daughter and I will take care of her whether or not we are married. I hope that you can give more credit to her and her decisions.”

“It’s not that I don’t respect your decisions, Maya. I think you need to understand that the rules of the society are in place for a reason...you are just being stubborn and you’ll regret it” Mr. Shroff responded.

“And I think that the reason doesn’t apply anymore in this modern world and in our situation. Namjoon and I have our personal goals we want to accomplish and then we’ll think about marriage. But thank you for your concern, dad.”

Maya grabbed Namjoon’s hand and took him inside. Maya felt like she needed to explain to Namjoon why she said what she said to her dad. She took him to her room and Namjoon didn’t question her.

“Hey, let me explain...that whole situation— ” Maya said as soon as they got to her room. But before she could finish explaining, Namjoon wrapped his arms around her.

“I am so proud of you, Maya,” Namjoon said hugging Maya tightly.

“Why?” Maya mumbled against Namjoon’s chest.

“You stood up to your dad. That requires courage. I am so happy right now.” Namjoon let go of Maya and cupped her face in his hands, gently kissed her forehead.

“Yeah, I guess did, didn’t I. I just don’t want you to think I am desperate to get married.” Maya put her hands over Namjoon’s hands, looking up at him.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think that...but I do have a plan for us…”

“A plan?” Maya questioned.

Namjoon let go of Maya and reached in his back pocket, pulling out his phone. He then began searching on his phone for something. When he found what he was looking for, Namjoon handed the phone to Maya.

“Will you go to Bali with me?” Namjoon asked with the most sincere tone.

“Bali?” Maya laughed out of surprise as she saw the tickets to Bali on his phone.

“I wanted to take you on this trip before the whole Ree-Mi incident happened, but I couldn’t…” Namjoon explained.

“But what about your album...don’t you have to prepare for that?” Maya was surprised by Namjoon sudden initiative. It’s not that he didn’t do romantic gestures for Maya, it’s just she was surprised by the timing.

“Don’t worry, I will do that when I come back. I just want us to get away from everyone for a while. Just you and me...what do you say? Please! Will you give me the honor of spending a week with you in a resort in Bali?” Namjoon jokingly kneeled down on one knee, holding his phone towards Maya.

Maya laughed. “Let’s go to Bali, Joon.” Namjoon got back up wrapping his arms around Maya again, kissing her lips sweetly. If Namjoon had read Ree-Mi’s story, he would realize that Ree-Mi could never quite capture in her story just how deeply Maya loved him.

The next day, Maya and Namjoon went on their private trip to Bali, away from the requirements of the world, enjoying their time together, enveloped in each other’s arms and soaked in each other’s presence. They were learning to take charge of what they wanted and learning to speak for themselves.

Years later, during one interview at an award show, Namjoon and Maya were asked if they thought they were soulmates like they were described in Ree-Mi’s novel.

To that, Namjoon had answered, it didn’t matter if they were soulmates or not as long as they enjoyed being in each other’s life. Maya added that fate and destiny are just words to describe the consequences of our choices.

Choose wisely.

———————THE END——————

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langst-wins · 6 years

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"requiem [blood of my blood]" - the playlist, update schedule, and new formatting

AhhhhhhHHHHHH hey my dudes! Eight more days until the first chapter of Requiem goes up!!

i wanted to share the playlist with y'all but I also wanna give you a quick rundown on a new formatting thing I'm using for this fic that I didnt for HLP.

so this is actually uh...gonna be a 352 chapter story? so I decided, mostly to make it easier for myself to tackle each subplot, that I'm going to split this story up into 20 separate "acts." the entire story will be still be posted on ao3 as one continous 352 chapter fic, but within the story, it'll be clearly indicated when a new "act" is starting.

and ofc because y'all know I base pretty much everything I write off of songs, each act is represented by a specific song. which is how we arrive with the following 20-song playlist.

if you listen to the playlist in chronological order, you can kind of get a general idea of how the story will play out, but not well enough that it will spoil anything, u know what I mean?

and, on updating schedules: there actually is no update schedule for this fic. it will still be going up super quickly, with several chapters posted a day, but no specific number or times of day. so I highly suggest turning on email notifications for it once its posted, so you wont miss a chapter.

alrighty! heres the playlist/the 20 acts! enjoy!

Act One: Home

"Home" - Phillip Phillips | just know you're not alone / cause I'm gonna make this place your home

"Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Act Two: Long Forgotten Sons

"Long Forgotten Sons" - Rise Against | we are the long forgotten sons / and daughters that don't belong to anyone

"Sadly, no one in our family ever said, 'I love you.' The truth is, I think we were all frightened of saying it, since the obvious answer would have been, 'Well, if this is love, what is hate like?'" - Louie Anderson

Act Three: Come and Get It

"Come and Get It" - I Prevail | every single time I turn around, my name is in your mouth / you can say what you want, you'll never be me / if you wanna come get it you know where I'll be

"Just because you're winning a game doesn't mean it's a good game." - Seth Godin

Act Four: Hated

"Hated" - Beartooth | there's a bullseye painted on our backs in the crosshairs of the ignorant / but I am not your scapegoat anymore

"My story can unchain someone else's prison." - Patricia Dsouza

Act Five: Issues

"Issues" - James Durbin | I've got issues, I've got scars / and the color is just like yours

"We are all broken, that's how the light gets in." - Ernest Hemingway

Act Six: The Only Exception

"The Only Exception" - Paramore | up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness / because none of it was ever worth the risk / but darling, you are the only exception

"When you love someone, you say their name different. Like it's safe inside your mouth." - Jodi Picoult

Act Seven: No Man is an Island

"No Man is an Island" - Tenth Avenue North | no man is an island, we can be found / no man is an island, let your guard down / please don't try to fight me, I am for you / we're not meant to live this life alone

"We're all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding." - Beau Taplin

Act Eight: Hard Times

"Hard Times" - Paramore | hard times gonna make you wonder why you even try / hard times gonna take you down and laugh while you cry

"As a little girl I was scared of monsters. My parents told me they didn't exist. How I wish they would have told me the whole truth. Monsters do exist; they're just not hiding in closets." - Leah Darrow

Act Nine: No Love

"No Love" - Simple Plan | there is no love here / so what will you do?

"The greatest thing a father can do to his children is to love their mother." - Anjaneth Garcia Untalan

Act Ten: Cancer

"Cancer" - My Chemical Romance | still, I will not kiss you / cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." - C.S. Lewis

Act Eleven: Turn It Off

"Turn It Off" - Paramore | and the worst part is / before it gets any better, we're headed for a cliff

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winstin Churchill

Act Twelve: 21 Guns

"21 Guns" - The cast of Broadway's 'American Idiot' (highly recommend this version for the fic) | did you stand too close to the fire? / like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

"He's detatched about your pain, but God knows he takes his own pain more seriously than cancer....It finally dawned on me that my father, for all his protestations and lectures and writing about detachment, is a very, very needy man." - Margaret Salinger

Act Thirteen: Good For You

"Good For You" - The cast of Broadway's 'Dear Evan Hansen' | got a taste of a life so perfect, now you say that you're someone new / good for you, good for you

"Perhaps nothing so accurately characterizes dysfunctional families as denial." - John Bradshaw

Act Fourteen: Hope in Front of Me

"Hope in Front of Me" - Danny Gokey | there's hope in front of me / there's a light, I still see it

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Act Fifteen: Skyscraper

"Skyscraper" - Demi Lovato | go on and try to tear me down / I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper

"do not look for healing

at the feet of those

who broke you." - Rupi Kaur

Act Sixteen: Requiem

"Requiem" - The cast of Broadway's 'Dear Evan Hansen' | cause when the villains fall, the kingdoms never weep

"We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination." - C.S. Lewis

Act Seventeen: I Don't Love You

"I Don't Love You" - My Chemical Romance | when you go, would you even turn to say / I don't love you like I did yesterday

"My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me." - Vic Fuentes

Act Eighteen: Innocent

"Innocent" - Taylor Swift | it's alright, just wait and see, your string of lights is still bright to me / who you are is not what you did / you're still an innocent

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

Act Nineteen: New Year's Day

"New Year's Day" - Taylor Swift | there's glitter on the floor after the party / girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby / candle wax and polaroids on the hardwood floor / you and me forevermore

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." - Aristotle

Act Twenty: Impossible Year

"Impossible Year" - Panic! At The Disco | there's no sunshine, this impossible year / there's never air to breathe, there's never in-betweens / these nightmares always hang on past the dream

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

#happy little pill fic

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storm278 · 7 years

Text

Home is where the heart is CHAPTER 5

10 years after college, Riley has gained a reputation of being a flight risk. Her friends and family have tried to stop her from taking off but truthfully there is only one person that can make her stay for good. what happens when riley sees said person for the first time in 14 years. Rucas centric

Rated T

Cross posted to Fanfiction.net here

Prologue Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4

"Are you sure you guys didn't take this too far, she bought the freaking pent house and it didn't come cheap" Josh said with utmost concern for his baby sister. Him and his wife were hosting movie night for their friends while their son was spending time with his grandparents Cory and Topanga. Darby, Yogi, Farkle, Isadora, Zay and Vanessa were present at Josh and Maya's house.

"I get your concern Josh I really do" Farkle said "I mean the plan at first was for her to rent but she buying the place only makes it so much better because now it wouldn't be easy for her to just move somewhere else, they need this push trust me it's been fifteen plus years, there has to be a reason the both of them haven't found their other halves"

Josh understood were the genius was coming from but that doesn't mean he still wasn't concerned for his sister. She tends to react to certain situations in the worst ways behaviour and health wise. This little plan of theirs, even though it came from a place of love definitely fell into the category of situations that his sister never handled properly. He just wished their group would leave her to figure this out on her own.

"My concern with this plan is what if it doesn't work and it blows up in our faces, what if Lucas gets mad, I mean we're older now but he still scares me" Yogi muttered

"Oh common honey, the man knows better now he won't even hurt a fly" Darby tried to comfort her husband and put his mind at ease.

"Yea tell that to the hole he made on the wall of his office when he found out about Nathan" Zay just dropped a bomb on the group without even realizing what he had done.

"for the life of me I still can't understand why they went so long apart when it's so clear they still love each other, she loves him, he loves her so why drag the drama on for so long gees happiness is not that hard" Vanessa exclaimed while Zay smiled and threw his arms around her.

Obviously Riles is going to be pissed at first because she knows we go to his place all the time and then out of nowhere Farkle suddenly suggests the house right next door from him" Darby said while sipping her wine

Maya was more worried about her best friend's reaction to this whole plan fiasco "I'm still a little scared, I've known the girl my whole life, when she gets pissed she could take drastic actions, what if she decides to sell the home and move"

"She wouldn't do that Maya it would be too obvious she is moving because of him, she already admitted to all of us she loves that place. She's still bubbles after all; she would never want to hurt him like that. Even if they haven't seen each other" Isadora explained. Then everyone turns to Zay as he is tearing through a turkey leg

"what are y'all staring at me for, I agree with the Mr. & Mrs. Genius here" he huffs seeing some of the members of group still in doubt, then he moves to drops the turkey leg down on his plate "common guys its Lucas and Riley we're talking of here, we've seen this play out before it's not rocket science people. What those two have I can't even begin to explain it, just being in close proximity and they can't stop talking to each other. It's a little freaky if you asked me" Zay said earning him a smack in the head from his new fiancé

"and that's how they bond with each other" Farkle added and it was as if a light bulb went off in this head "You guys that's what happened, that's why they refused to see themselves"

Maya caught on "because they knew one of them was going to cave in and then they would start speaking again, that's why Lucas leaves when Riley comes home but why didn't he leave this time"

"Duh because he wants his girl back, Jesus, what part of Lucas loves this woman don't you people understand" Zay said in frustration leaving everyone dumbfounded.

Josh was particularly shocked with these new bombshells Zay has been dropping all night, because to be honest he never thought the alleged plan would work, he always figured if they were ever going to get back together it wouldn't be because of people meddling, it would be Riley and Lucas figuring things out themselves. Josh knew parts of the story that no one present knew, so he was particularly thrilled to hear Lucas wanted Riley back for the sake of his sister's happiness. Then he turned his attention to Zay "did he tell you this? Like with actual words? What happens to Nathan then?"

"When last did Lucas stay in New York for a whole year plus" Zay asked with raised eye brows "he has more than enough doctors to take care of his clinic here, he could have gone back to Texas if he wanted to. Riley has been back for what over a month now and he still shows no sign of going anywhere. He doesn't need to tell me he wants the girl back; his actions show it"

"and Josh, who cares what happens to Nathan" Darby spat "I mean he's a good guy and all but we all know that relationship doesn't hold a candle to Rucas" Maya smiled at this remembering when they use to tease the couple with the ship name back in high school.

"That's true I haven't even considered the Nathan factor in this equation" Farkle said

"Bubbles wouldn't want to hurt Nathan either hmm" Isadora thought for a minute and looked to her husband "Dearest it would appear we skipped out on that variable, so what do we do now, Nathan is a threat to our desired outcome but there are ways to eliminate him from said equation though" Smackle smirked

"SMACKLE!" everyone yelled

Zay looked at both of them as if they were crazy "hey! Mr. & Mrs. Genius, Lucas and Riley aren't equations from a textbook, like I said this isn't rocket science, we have succeeded in getting them to see each other again that's good so now just sit back and watch the magic happen"

"In a weird way I agree with Zay on this. I don't think there's any magic to it but they definitely have some kind of pull to each other" Josh said

All through their conversations, Maya was still confused in thoughts with all of this because she never understood why, why were things happening this way for those two. Lucas had once said Riley was his favorite person in the world to talk to, and that was one of the most honest things Maya had ever heard him say. One look into his eyes you could tell he meant every word of it and he proved it all through their high school years. The two would constantly sneak off to God knows where just to be alone with each other. Once Riley told her they drove out of the city at night just for the sake of the adventure of it and of course more of an excuse for them to be together.

So why would they be so willing to go so long without wanting to see each other, Riley didn't cheat Maya was sure of that, Lord knows Missy as hot and sexy as she looked tried to get Lucas but he wouldn't budge, it wasn't their spark; those two made fireworks just by linking pinkies, they didn't stop loving each other, nope very far from that, then it hit Maya like a ton of bricks. Their first real fight started after Riley got sick once at the beginning of senior year, she kept to herself for a while after falling sick. Riley had told Maya that her asthma was acting up so she had to stay away from school for a while, Maya knew it wasn't the whole truth but she decided to not push it because she figured Riley would come to her when she was ready to talk but Riley never did and she shrugged it off because Riley got better but her friend's relationship never did. So she decided to test her theory

"Sweetie remember when Riles got sick at the beginning of senior year" everyone turned their attention to Maya wondering what that had to do with anything "do you remember what happened to her" Maya asked Josh

Josh was alarmed by this question because this was not his secret to tell and he knew the hell his mother would raise on him if he spilled anything to anybody so he panicked and said the first thing that came to his head "Oh um yea I remember, she had this flu that wouldn't go away"

Lies! Why would Josh lie to me Maya thought to herself she said it was her asthma, so something did happen to Riley. Oh God something happened to Riley! Maya began to internally panic How could I not see this? She didn't tell Lucas and it must have been huge since it caused them to split up and Josh is lying to me over it. Maya got up from the table with haste to leave "I have to go see her"

Josh followed behind her outside of their home to get away from the rest "Babe it's late we have guests, Riley's fine trust me the flu has definitely passed"

"Sweetie please I have to go see her right now, something's not adding up"

"I assure you she's fine Maya; you can ask her about it tomorrow" Josh pleaded, he could sense Maya knew he lied

"If I don't go it's going to bug me and then I'm going to have to bug you all night" Maya was determined to get answers, something happened to her sister and her husband was trying to keep her away from finding out. This only made the wheels in her head spin faster

"Maya she is probably exhausted from moving today, she and Nathan are probably having some alone time for themselves and they wouldn't appreciate you busting in asking for answers to something that happened years ago plus I already told you what happened"

"You told me something alright but you and I know that's not what happened, I know you're covering for her or you feel like it's not your position to tell so I'll respect that tonight for the sake of the people in our house but tomorrow you bet your ass I'm getting my answers" Josh shoulders visibly relaxed themselves as he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He was more than relieved that his wife was dropping the issue for this night because now he would be able to give his sister the heads up that her spit fire best friend knew something was up.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

"Riley?" His eyes widen in panic "Oh my gosh Riles where is your inhaler" He rushed to her side again and put his strong muscular arms around her. Lucas didn't need to be told what was happening to her, he had been there with her when she badly struggled with it in high school.

She slid to sit on the floor of the elevator to create some kind of distance from him. His heart broke a little seeing her like this. Seeing that the doors to the elevator already closed shot and they had started moving, her heart beats sped up. Her breaths were only getting shorter so she pointed to the small cardboard box she dropped while she tripped. He didn't even think twice about it, he ripped the top off and saw a bunch of inhalers still in their packaging. He quickly tore one open, shook it and put it in her mouth so she could take the puffs. She sat calmly to relax for a few seconds before the doors opened to their floor.

Lucas squatted beside her "are you okay, Riley please talk to me, do I need to take you to the hospital" she shook her head slowly still staring at his emerald orbs that had tiny flecks of gold around them. She felt like she was in high school all over again, seeing Lucas take care of her when she use to have attacks back then. She kept staring at him as if she was looking at a ghost, her mind was running a million miles per second and her pounding heart did not help her current daze. She tried to get up but Lucas held on to her from the side to support her, she was shocked by his actions and furrowed her eyes at him but that didn't stop all the butterflies that were on a rampage in her stomach.

"Luke I'm going to be fine I'll just go home and lay down for a bit" she picked up the box to live. While Lucas was still stunned at what just happened, she called him Luke that's something he hadn't heard in years; he saw her and not in his dreams or imaginations and he physically touched her; he spoke to her; she still looked as amazing he remembered, her pictures never did her justice he always knew that but this was just mind blowing for him; she had grown so much more than his brain could currently comprehend and he didn't miss her blown out curves and long legs that did things to his insides. He paused for a minute to collect his thoughts on his way back to his house, did he just see her walk into the house right next to his, she said she was going to go 'home' where was her home, was Riley his new neighbour. He went into his place to go process what just happened.

Meanwhile on Riley's end she couldn't reach her home fast enough. She entered and slammed the door behind her then rested her back on it to take small breaths what is he doing here, how did he find me, why is this happening now, I'm happy with Nathan right? I love him right?

"Riley?" Nathan called from on top of the stairs "where do you need these to go" he said holding up two lamps

"Natan!" Riley called and ran up to him before he could say anything she wrapped her hand around his neck and kissed him. The kiss wasn't just for endearment sake, it was more of desperation, she deepened the kiss sliding her tongue into his mouth while he graciously accepted it, she held on to him so tightly for dear life and ran her hands through his brown hair. She pulled away looking into his eyes as if searching for something she was so sure for the past seven months she finally had.

"whoa, babe what was that for, I mean not that I'll ever complain but wow."

She huffed while her hands were still around his neck and forced a smile "I just wanted to say thanks, you know for helping me move, and being here with me"

"well if this is the treatment I get for helping you move, you just call me whenever you need a mover, you can call me mover man" he said with his hands on his waist pretending to be a superhero which made Riley giggle.

They got most of the boxes unpacked that day and after a light dinner of pizza and wine, both were too tired to do anything else. So they decided to call it a night. Nathan passed out immediately his head touched the pillows. Riley laid next to him but couldn't bring herself to sleep. Her mind was still on the events of the elevator; her brain had managed to memorize every detail of him. He looked so much better than he what he looked like the last time she saw him; he was much taller, her head barley reached his shoulders; and his arms only got bigger from his muscles. Her hands moved to the spot on her arms that he held, she remembered the moment he held her so vividly it was like she could still feel his arms around her. She turned on the bed to her sleeping boyfriend and felt guilt run through her, this man sleeping right next to her; a man who loved and adored her and has constantly showed her how much he cares about her, but here she was practically drooling over someone she hasn't seen or spoken to since she graduated 12th grade. She tossed when she heard her phone vibrate from the night stand

Text messages

Josh

Hey baby sis, how did the move go, I'll stop by tomorrow to check on you. Love you

p.s Maya has a hunch about your senior year if you know what I mean. I was able to hold her off for today but she's coming to get answers from you tomorrow so yea heads up on that.

#gmw #rucas fanfic

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