#PLEASE as a trained professional give me something new!! ffs

[mars-ipan]

OK SIDENOTE i fucking hate when therapists notice how self aware you are and think you’re actually doing really good. no dipshit i study psychology as a hobby and if i didn’t approach this with objectivity i would not be able to function as a human being due to high stress

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

I Am Now Clinically Diagnosed With Gender Dysphoria (My MtF~HRT Journey)

It’s been three days of waiting and wondering if I will soon be able to have something to present to Dr. Worth to begin surgery.

Today, my letter arrived!

———————————————————————

Dr. Matt Goldenberg

Olympia, WA 98507

Re: Authorization Letter for Facial Feminization Surgery

Mira Messinger Bruer

07/02/2019

To Whom It May Concern,

This letter is in reference to Ms. Mira Messinger Bruer who has requested to undergo facial feminization surgery as part of her treatment for Gender Dysphoria. I am a Licensed Psychologist specializing in affirmative mental health care for transgender and gender diverse adolescents and adults. Ms. Messinger Bruer sought services in my Olympia-based private practice with a referral from a community-based agency. I have been trained at both the graduate and post-graduate level to offer culturally and scientifically accurate care for individuals across the gender spectrum. I am in regular consultation with other providers who serve transgender patients and I have been trained specifically by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health. The following will document the eligibility, readiness, and medical necessity of surgery as it pertains to Ms. Messinger Bruer.

I met with Ms. Messinger Bruer over a two-hour period to exclusively discuss her readiness for transgender-related surgery. Ms. Messinger Bruer shared that she has had symptoms of Gender Dysphoria over her lifetime although since she was raised in a highly conservative family, she did not come out as transgender earlier in life. In my clinical experience this is common, coming out requires ongoing positive support and community-based resources. She reports feeling much happier since discovering the transgender community and being seen in all aspects of her life as feminine. An important aspect of this patient’s history is that she has been unable to work due to her medical condition of cystic fibrosis. Before her diagnosis, the patient was living with severe asthma. Though she completed her undergraduate degree and had a promising career ahead of her in science, she can no longer physically endure outdoor work. Despite this academic setback, the patient stated she tries to stay involved with her science community in a volunteer fashion.

Ms. Messinger Bruer does not present with any indications that her functioning is impaired or limited. She has no history of mental health disorders and she does not endorse any current suicidal or homicidal ideation. She maintains a network of very close friends and will have the support of her partner as she completes her medical transition. Additionally, the patient reports that she does not currently use drugs and that she does not drink alcohol.

It appears that most symptoms of Gender Dysphoria that Ms. Messinger Bruer experienced have been intense and have interfered with her emotional and social health.

These experiences include:

▪ A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics

▪ A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender

▪ A strong desire to be of the other gender

Ms. Messinger Bruer has taken several steps to attempt to minimize the harmful impact of Gender Dysphoria on her overall functioning. In addition to beginning hormone replacement therapy in May of 2018, she also has legally changed her name in April 2019. The patient also changed her legal gender marker in 2019 and has come out as female to her friends and family. Ms. Messinger Bruer noted that these interventions have proven quite useful in terms of increasing her overall comfort with herself. However, she noted that she feels her facial surgery will be key in being more easily identified by others as a female.

Currently, it appears that Ms. Messinger Bruer is aware of the risks and benefits of surgery. She has been given information about potential risks and has been encouraged to bring a friend for support during the surgical ordeal. Ms. Messinger Bruer shared that she has already chosen her friend as her caretaker during her surgical process. She has been encouraged to engage with a therapist if she experiences any depression, anxiety or other mental health issues.

As shown above, Ms. Messinger Bruer meets medical criteria for Gender Dysphoria and thus requires the procedure of facial feminization surgery & breast augmentation surgery. She does not present as unable to give informed consent for this procedure and she is aware of risks and benefits of surgery. Further, the patient has read this document and agrees with my findings. If I may be of further assistance, please contact me at the aforementioned phone number and address. Thank you very much for your attention into this matter.

Regards,

Dr. Matt Goldenberg

Licensed Psychologist

———————————————————————

Well! It is now official! I am clinically diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I kind of suspected I had gender dysphoria and some version of body dysphoria. With this paper, I have now six months to arrange a consultation with Plastics for some appearance alterations.

I was scared of surgery, but terrified of what living in-between. My loving family is ready for me to convert and I am mentally and physically ready too...but not finically. But again, no matter the costs, FFS must be done for the sake of Mira and my overall health! I am ready to live my new life!

— Mira Carleen 💜

[redgreenbluesforloco]

Daisuke, Takahiko & Nobunari (3BK) Interview on QuadAxel Pt.2/2

(from Taka’s instagram)

Part 2 was more difficult than Part 1 heh ^^;; (This paragraph is just gonna be me grumbling about Japanese being hard, so do skip ahead to the interview!) Dai and Nobu could help out foreign fans trying to translate beyond their skill level by not randomly slipping into Kansai dialect, but what fun would that be. Pronoun dropping hasn’t gotten all that much easier in the last 6 years. How is it that I can still get confused as to who’s doing what ffs. Anyway, sigh, will edit if I find out I messed something up.

Continuing from Part 1

At around that time [2006 to 2009], it seems you already had a relationship of mutual respect. What did you find appealing about each other?

Dai: The precision of Takahiko’s skating skills, the smoothness/extension of each stroke. And Nobu’s jumps, his soft knees – he could put in combination jumps anywhere. I thought it was amazing how he wouldn’t make mistakes.

Taka: Yeah, yeah. Even if his jump was off-axis, he could still land it.

Dai: Yeah!

Nobu: A lot of times I thought I was jumping straight, then I looked at the footage and was like, “Wow, it’s way off.”

Dai & Taka: Ahahahaha

Dai: And then you’d land it like it was no problem lol.

Taka: You’d be totally smooth with the landing.

Nobu: Hahahah

Taka: As for Dai-chan, it was his emotion [sensitivity], of course. That kind of sensitivity was something that I lacked, so I kept wondering, “Where does that come from?”

Nobu: Like I said before, these two both had something that I couldn’t get from my training. I would think all the time, “What kind of training do I have to do to get closer to their level?”

Women’s figure skating used to get all the attention, and throughout your careers, men’s figure skating gained more popularity. I think that’s connected to how much it’s thriving today, but what were your feelings on that at the time?

Dai: I think that Takeshi Honda-sensei left a hole that several skaters from the new generation tried to fill, so it’s partly because that competition was so compelling to watch. And also because these two stood out as interesting characters, right?

Taka/Nobu: No no no no!

Nobu: Dai-chan, don’t you stand out quite a bit, too? Lol

Dai: Oh damn, yeah, my bad.

Nobu/Taka: LOL

Dai: My point is there are all sorts of characters who stand out, both in the men and the women’s competitions lol.

Nobu: Yeah, that’s true. With (Asada) Mao-chan, Miki (Ando), Yukari (Nakano), Akko-chan (Akiko Suzuki)…Everyone was really interesting to watch, each one had their own personality.

Dai: That’s right, because everyone had different personalities.

Nobu: And their skating had personality, too. So I’m really glad that male skaters have become popular as well.

Dai: Yeah.

And now what will it be like for you three to perform at Prince Ice World as professional skaters?

Dai: It’s been several years since I retired, and I started walking many different paths. But at the end of the day, skating is my foundation. Even today, I was watching these two practice on the ice and thinking, “Damn, they’re doing some impressive things,” and that encouraged me to try harder, too. Since retiring, our ranges of interpretation have been changing in all sorts of ways, so watching them skate again it’s like, “In all these years, they’ve grown so much!” That’s why I feel like this show is going to be a motivator for me, just thinking “I need to work hard to keep up with them.”

Taka: You do get the sense that we’ve all been evolving in different ways according to our own personalities.

Dai: Yes, well, that’s true lol.

Nobu: Since I retired I’ve been appearing in ice shows every year, but for you two, there have been periods of time when you guys weren’t around…

Dai/Taka: LOL

Nobu: Because there was a time Dai-chan went to America and was working hard there. And Takahiko was still active [in competitions] at one point, then he became a company man. Now, four years have passed, and I’m happy that once again we can skate together as 3 again. I was never apart from skating, so it feels like “Aah, they’re back! They do love skating, they do love it, I knew it!” lol

Dai: And it only took 4 years lol.

Taka: LOL

Nobu: Well, I’m glad you came back after 4 years.

Taka/Dai: LOL.

And one activity the three of you have in common is working as commentators. You often meet each other at the place of the event you’re covering, I would imagine. So do you have any feelings about that?

Dai [smiling bitterly]: Well, I think *they* are very good at it.

Nobu/Taka: Ahahahaha

Nobu: At the 2016 Nats, I sat at the Kiss & Cry with Riko Takino, and Dai-chan was working as a newscaster right behind me.

Dai: Right, yeah.

Nobu: Takahiko was there, too, right?

Taka: I was with BS-TV at the time so it wasn’t live.

Nobu: I thought it was awesome how everyone was at Nats in all these different roles. I thought, how great that after retirement once again everyone’s at Nats supporting the next generation.

Dai: Yeah.

Taka: And also, just like the people who have supported us, we’d like to keep helping the sport flourish even more.

And how do you see your future activities developing in terms of supporting figure skating from different positions?

Nobu: Ever since I retired my dream was to become a mentor/instructor, so I think from now on I will begin to slide into that role little by little. I love teaching and I love kids. 

Dai: You’re quite strict.  I just watch while thinking, “Wow, so scary!” lol

Taka: Ahahaha.

Nobu: Yeah, I’m strict lol. The fact that I used to be a competitive skater has advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that I’m able to put certain feelings/sensations into words as I teach them. The disadvantage is that there’s an impatience, like, “Why can’t you just do it?!” I always remind myself that the best way to support them is to stick to more of a long-term view.

Taka: You get too worked up about it, and you start to get frustrated?

Nobu: Yeah, I do get worked up about it. During like, their free skate run-throughs, when the skater is tired and starting to run out of steam, I think that’s when the actual practice starts. That’s what it was like for me, too. I’ll yell out, “Hey! Don’t get exhausted! Keep going!!” 

Dai: LOL. Well, I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet.

Nobu: It might take you another 4 years lol. [playfully] Excuse me, but while you’re finding your next path, could you just give us a long-term plan? Lol

Dai: But I only just returned to skating lol.

Nobu: Right, yes, you’ve finally found your way back to your roots.

Dai (looking at both of them): I’ll keep learning from my senpai* who have their roles in society figured out. The time I spent away from skating was long, so…

Nobu: He’s the type to come to a conclusion only after he tries lots of different things; it takes him a bit longer, so please just be patient with him!

Dai: LOL thanks, thanks so much.

Taka: LOOL. As for me, I think [as a teacher] I’m the total opposite of Naru-kun in that I just want the kids to have fun with skating. I want to convey the appeal of skating starting from the basics, in skating classes and such, and join Naru-kun and the others on that path of becoming a teacher.

Nobu: Takahiko is also making blades, which is already a huge contribution.

Taka: The blades, right.

Nobu: When are you giving me one? A blade.

Taka: You know, it takes a long time to make even just one!

Nobu: Because you said last year you’d give me one.

Dai: Ahahahaha LOL

Taka: I said, like, “There’s no way around it, I’ll give it to you when I get it,” lol.

Nobu: You said you’d give me one for free, so I’ve been waiting lol.

Taka: Blades have to start changing little by little. The rules will probably change, since quads have become commonplace. So these kinds of things have to change according to the times.

[T/N: *senpai - Dai self-deprecatingly says Taka and Nobu are his senpai as “members of society” 社会人 meaning people who have jobs, families etc.]

What has your reaction been to this Quad generation?

Taka: Just that it seems so difficult.

Dai: I don’t really understand how they’re able to do it.

Taka: It’s hard to fathom, right?

Nobu: Of course it’s amazing, but you also feel kind of bad, like, “If you can’t fight at that level, you can’t make it?!”

Dai: Right, yes. “So this is what you have to aim for if you want to succeed?!”

Nobu: It must be so difficult.

Taka: Yeah.

Nobu: Looking at the likes of Yuzu and Nathan, I think the era is coming where you’ll have to be able to jump all types of quads. And I think that also makes it difficult to teach [young skaters].

Dai: If they start practicing too much, too fast, they end up getting injured, and if they don’t practice fast enough, they don’t make it in time…

Nobu: But everyone’s working so hard, so you want to give them support.

Dai: Yeah.

How do you think the Japanese men’s field is going to develop now?

Nobu: Speaking from the point of view of a commentator, my honest feelings are that (Yuzuru) Hanyu-kun and (Shoma) Uno-kun are the two who are advancing Japanese men’s skating. There’s no one who can keep up with them yet. I am concerned that if [other skaters] don’t reach them, once these two retire, the next generation will be a struggle [for Japanese men].

Taka: When the 3 of us were competing, Yuzuru showed up, and then Shoma showed up...I hope it will keep happening gradually like that.

Nobu: (Yamamoto) Sota-kun getting injured was very tough, but now I want him to improve more and more. When you look at the women’s field, they’re at a level where you don’t know for sure who’s going to be at Worlds. I’d like for the men to reach such a level soon.

Taka: The women’s Olympic Selection Nats were very interesting to watch, right? There were so many promising skaters they didn’t even all fit into the last group.

Dai: Yeah!

Nobu: I want it to be like that for the men, too, to have a field so deep you think, “I want them to send everyone [to the big events]!”

Taka: Right.

At the Pyeongchang Olympics, as you witnessed Hanyu and Uno getting gold and silver medals live at the location or on TV, did you feel emotional not as commentators, but as former Olympians yourselves?

Nobu: Definitely. Dai-chan, too, right?

Dai: Yeah, it was like, “Why the hell am I crying so much? Am I this much of a crybaby?” lol

Nobu: I think it must be like this for Dai-chan and Takahiko, too, but for me, it’s because I’ve been on that stage before that I understand the pressure they’re under; It’s like all the practice they’ve done hinges upon those few minutes, isn’t it? To perform that well in those circumstances is incredible. And the feelings of “congratulations!!” are just overwhelming.

Taka: Now that I think about it, your Olympic performance is over in the blink of an eye, right. Just like that, it’s all over.

Were you feeling very aware that you also skated on that Olympic stage?

Nobu: Watching from my current position, I can feel how the whole world is watching the event. But when I was actually performing there, I don’t think I realized it that much.

Taka: Right.

Dai: Yeah. And now it’s like, “So that’s how much they were supporting us!”

Taka: The people around us.

Dai: Yeah! Realizing now, from the outside looking in, “People who were rooting for me were that close to me.”

Taka: When you’re at the location, you understand the cheers from the audience, but there’s also the people who will support you watching the TV…

Nobu: I really felt like, “I was in a really amazing place. I was lucky to have been sent there to participate.”

Taka: What would it be like to go to the Olympics again? If they let you participate?

Dai [firmly shaking his head]: No way!

Nobu [firmly shaking his head]: No way, no way, no way.

Taka: LOL

So, if you 3 were to produce your own ice show, what kind of show would you make?

Nobu: What! Produce an ice show? For now, let’s make Dai-chan the chairman.

Dai: Chairman?! Lol

Nobu: First, Dai-chan will dance without skates.

Dai, Taka: LOOOL

Nobu [doing the choreography from Hyoen]: Do 3 performances like that.

Dai [looking at Nobu]: In between the talking parts.

Nobu: Takahiko will give a skating class in-between. And then we’ll all perform together.

Dai: I really want a group number. Let’s make the group number the main event.

Taka: Sounds like fun.

Which skaters do you want to call as guest performers?

Dai: It could be cool to do it with just the men.

Taka: Men On Ice?!

Nobu: I want to call people from our generation! Jeffrey Buttle, Stephane Lambiel, Thomas Werner, Johnny Weir. Oh, also Emanuel Sandhu.

Dai: Emanuel Sandhu!

Taka: That’s good haha.

Dai: He has really long legs!

Nobu: Shawn Sawyer!

Dai: Also Kevin van der Perren.

Nobu, Taka [at the same time]: Aaaaaah!

Taka: And Sergei Voronov.

Nobu: Oh, Sweden’s Kristoffer Berntsson, and there’s another one...Ah! Adrian Schultheiss.

Dai: Schultheiss! Lol that guy’s great.

Nobu: Evan Lyzacek

Dai: Evan!

Taka: Evan, too. And Patrick Chan.

Nobu: Patrick, too. I want to gather a bunch of guys from that era and make it a whole festival of men.

Taka: Festival of men lol.

Dai: That’s something that hasn’t been done yet lol.

Taka: It’d get stuffy…

Dai: Yeah, it would.

Nobu: For the choreography, the guy from Spain!

Dai: (Antonio) Najarro.

Nobu [doing the choreography from Poeta]: Right, Najarro-san in the center dancing.

Taka [doing the choreography from Poeta]: Najarro-san on top of a platform lol.

Nobu: With overflowing enthusiasm!

Taka: It has to be like that, otherwise we won’t be synchronized.

What kind of music will you skate for your group number?

Dai: What should it be?

Nobu: Hm, what would work?

Taka: Is there something?

Nobu: Takahiko always goes with a “tidy” style with like, a classical feel to it.

Taka: Yeah.

Nobu: So, do something catchy like what Dai would skate to.

Taka: Aren’t we talking about the group number?!

Nobu: They’re all connected, like Takahiko skates to something catchy, Dai-chan skates to something comical…

Dai: And Nobu?

Nobu: I’ll skate to something like, formal.

Taka: But it’s not a medley, it’s supposed to be one song, right?

Nobu: Ah, the same song?

Taka: What song would work for the 3 of us?

Dai: A show number called “Vancouver memories” with the Olympic song lol.

Nobu, Taka: LOL

Nobu: Ah, wouldn’t that be good, though? There are the Olympic mascot characters, right!

Dai: Aaah!

Nobu: Would you skate with those on?

Taka: Wearing those? The 3 of us?

Nobu: Yeah, yeah! And skate to the Vancouver Olympic theme song.

Taka: Dai-chan would be Quatchi (Sasquatch inspired Vancouver Olympic mascot), right?

Dai: Quatchi! It’d be kind of a small Quatchi.

Nobu, Taka: LOL

Nobu: I mean, isn’t the Quatchi big? I don’t want to see a small-costume Quatchi.

Dai: We can just make all of them tight-fitting.

Taka: LOL

Nobu: Nah, I don’t like it. I don’t want it if the costumes are going to be small lol.  

Dai: Mighty Atom (TV Show).

Taka: With the 3 of us on the ice lol.

Nobu: That’s scary!!

Dai: That style could be cool, too!

Nobu: Yeah. Maybe go with that style, so we can make new memories.

I bet the fans would be very happy if “Men on Ice” actually happened! So, now, we’d like to ask you to send words of encouragement to your Japanese men’s skating kohai.

Dai: Encouragement, huh… Hm, but they’re all working hard, it’s not like we can just say “ganbare!”

Nobu: I mean, they got 1st and 2nd at the Olympics.

Taka: Yeah.

Dai: Yeah, first and second!

Nobu: It’d be kind of hard to beat that result, wouldn’t it? The only thing more amazing would be one, two, three. And there’s also 3rd consecutive win?

Taka: Yeah.

Nobu: That’s the level they’re at. It’s really amazing huh!

Dai: I mean, the others have to win against Yuzu and Shoma?

Nobu: There was Takeshi Honda-sensei, there were the 3 of us, and now Japanese men’s figure skating is really exciting.

Taka: It’s really exciting, right.

Nobu: I don’t want this excitement to fade, so I hope skaters with a lot of character and individuality continue to appear from now on.

Dai: Exactly.

Taka: But [points at Nobu and Dai] I don’t think there will ever be people with this much individuality lol.

Nobu: No no no, I have no individuality!

Dai [looking at Nobu]: No, no, no, lol.

Taka: Well said lol.

Wouldn’t you say the amount of appreciation you get today is because the 3 of you have such unique characters in your performances, too [as well as off the ice]?

Taka: Hmm…

Nobu: Huh, I wonder...

Dai: Hm, is that so? What do you guys think?

Nobu: I mean, it’s something to be grateful for, of course. To have this much support even after you retire.

Dai: Yeah, it’s definitely something to be grateful for.

Taka: Even after so many years…

Nobu: Yeah.

Dai: Right.

Thank you very much. We’ll continue to support you. Lastly, please send a message to your fans.

Nobu: As always, thank you so much for your support. This season I will work hard and concentrate on beating my personal best again [everyone bursts into laughter], so please continue to support me!

Taka: Are you serious!

Dai: LOL

Nobu: I’m serious! I'm very serious about skating!

Dai: Right. Well, thank you so much for your continued support. I also have finally started to think seriously about skating again…really for the first time in a while.

Taka, Nobu: LOL

Dai: Up until now I’ve been making excuses for myself when appearing in ice shows and skating while feeling guilty [toward the audience], but this season I want to hold onto my enthusiasm for skating so I can perform with passion. I hope that, little by little, you can start to see these changes in me. I want to work hard from now on!

Taka: Yeah. We hadn’t had the opportunity to have a meeting like this until now, so I’m feeling really nostalgic. Hey, do you guys know that we’re called 3BK?

[Nobu and Dai meet each other’s eyes and nod deeply].

Nobu [looking at Dai]: But we’ve never thought of such things, riight~? lol

Dai [looking at Nobu]: Never even thought about it, riiiight~? Lol

That’s a loving nickname that caught on among your fans.

Nobu: Loving, huh!

Dai: Right, right, lol.

Taka: It's loving, yes! It started when we chased that ball.

Nobu: Yeah.

Taka: To all the fans: 3BK is eternal! Please continue to support us.

Dai/Nobu: Please support us!

[agent-jack-barrow]

A Schott to Breathe, Chapter 1/?

ff: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12833457/1/A-Schott-to-Breathe

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800768/chapters/31729632

Summary: "Winn sat down at his desk. He felt slightly dejected about what just happened, I mean, he was supposed to be the resident techie here, right?" A new agent starts working at the DEO and disrupts Winn Schott's workplace, and quite frankly, his world. Winn-centric story, but all characters involved. Eventual romance.

A/N: Hello! I'm a huge fan of the character Winn Schott. I'm annoyed by how his character has been handled by the writers and this nine week hiatus we're embarking on, especially since it's prolonging the time to the long-awaited Winn-centric episode. This is my solution to keeping my sanity in the meanwhile. Hoping to update approximately 1-2x per week. Enjoy, and please give feedback!

Chapter 1

Winn pondered when the last time was that he had gotten a full night of sleep. He honestly couldn't remember. Between working at the DEO and helping Guardian, he only averaged 3-4 hours a night. Sure, the large soda he sipped on continuously throughout the day helped, but he was still exhausted. His back and neck ached and often it felt like his body was being drained of all of its energy. But what other options did he have? At the DEO he was needed to guide people in the field and, God knows, James would be dead by now if he wasn't guiding him in the van. People relied on him. Which, he admitted to himself, felt good. It gave him a purpose. But, as he so eloquently stated before, Winn was tired.

He felt himself nodding off behind the computer, so he stood up to stretch and take another drink of his soda. He heard someone walking up behind him, so he turned around to see Alex come up to him with someone he didn't recognize in tow. "Hey Winn," she started. "This is Agent Shapiro. She just finished with her combat training. She also has a background in computer engineering, so we thought we would have her work under you when she isn't needed in the field."

Winn looked over at the woman with Alex. She was pretty, in a non-overbearing sort of way. She had long, blonde hair that was pulled back in a braid, beautiful green eyes behind a pair of tortoise-shell glasses, and a professional, yet still kind, smile. He thought back to his days in college with other computer engineering majors, and none of them looked like her. He made a mental note that she probably was going to be like the other DEO computer techies. Competent, but not on the same expert level as him. But he wasn't going to complain, he could use whatever extra help he could get.

"Hi, I'm Agent Schott, but you can call me Winn." He shook her hand and noticed her long, toned arms. Probably further accentuated by all of the combat training she just completed. "Unless, ya know, you want me to really like you. In which case, call me Agent Schott," he joked.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Agent Taylor Shapiro. I'm excited to get started here."

"And it looks like you're about to get started right now" Alex said as she watched J'onn walk down the stairs towards them and Kara fly in through her DEO entrance. They both had that look on their face, it was a mix of concern and extreme focus, that always told her they were about to start a new case.

Winn quickly showed Taylor a desk area and computer she could use. "I'll start training you once I'm done dealing with whatever they have going on," referencing the team that now was building around the center of the room. "In the meanwhile, just make yourself comfortable," he smiled.

The informal meeting began, with J'onn filling everyone in about the latest crisis. This time it was a Fort Rozz escapee that seemed to be racking up the materials needed to make a bomb. And not just any bomb, one that was large enough to wipe out at least half of National City. Winn noted that when he first started at the DEO, that would be enough to send him into panic mode. But now, maybe because of his fatigue, or maybe just because of the amount of dangerous situations he's witnessed since working there, it seemed like just another day in the office.

"Winn, could you possibly figure out a way to track down this suspect?" J'onn asked.

"Yeah, I could set up a tracer to look for the materials he's taken thus far. But it won't be ready for another hour or two."

"I could trace that in a few seconds." Everyone's head turned to source of the voice. It was Taylor, who was typing something on the computer in front of her.

"U-uhm, o-okay. I mean, I'm pretty sure that isn't possible, but you can go ahead and try," Winn stuttered in response.

Just then, she gave Winn a coy look and on her screen were the coordinates of an abandoned warehouse about 10 miles from where they currently were. "Your guy should be here." Taylor stated.

"There's no way that could be accurate. How did you even do that?" Winn said, looking unbelieving at Taylor.

"It's simple really. I just enhanced the algorithm you already had to track down Kryptonite and rewrote it for the materials this guy has. Then I just cross-referenced to see what location had all of the materials present. So that's where your suspect should be," Taylor explained. Rolling her eyes with a tight-lipped smile she continued, "or you could do whatever you were going to do for the next hour or two. Probably going to come up with the same result though."

Winn glared at her out of the corner of his eye, but was silent, looking at her work over her shoulder. He didn't appreciate the cockiness, but she was right, it should work.

"Winn? Earth to Winn?" Kara said, waving her hand in front of him. It didn't seem to work, he was still staring intently at Taylor's computer.

"Agent Schott!" J'onn yelled exasperated. That seemed to snap Winn out of it. "Is it a reliable lead or not?"

"Y-yeah. It should work," Winn mumbled. Damn right, Taylor thought to herself.

"Well then. Good job Agent –" J'onn paused, looking at Taylor.

"Shapiro. Agent Taylor Shapiro, sir."

"Right. Good job Agent Shapiro," J'onn said. "Let's get going everyone. Supergirl, you lead the way. I'll have a strike team meet you there to support you, just in case."

Winn sat down at his desk. He felt slightly dejected about what just happened, I mean, he was supposed to be the resident techie here, right? But he chalked it up to beginner's luck and tried to move forward. He started pulling up blueprints for the warehouse Supergirl and the strike team were headed for as well as any security footage he could tap into.

"I already tapped into the security footage in the area," Taylor said over to Winn. "And the blue prints are downloading as we speak."

"Show off," Winn whispered to himself. Maybe it wasn't beginner's luck after all. He looked up to see J'onn glaring at him, no doubt having heard his small quip and possibly hearing some other not-so-nice thoughts passing through his mind. He looked away and decided to focus on getting the coms set up.

Twenty minutes later the rogue alien was caught and being checked into the DEO. J'onn briefly stopped by the tech bay to congratulate Agent Shapiro on a job well done. He laughed to himself a little bit when he sensed a bit of jealousy from Winn's thoughts.

Winn decided if he was going to make this work relationship a more positive one, he had to put forth a more positive attitude. He had enough on his plate without having coworker he disliked. So he made his way over to Taylor, who was focused on whatever she was doing on her computer.

"Taylor, that was really impressive for your first mission. Good Job!" Winn said.

"Agent Shapiro," she replied.

"Excuse me?"

"You can call me Agent Shapiro," she said, without glancing up from her computer screen.

"O-oh. Right, of course. Good job, Agent Shapiro!" Winn said, with a little less excitement. She made a tight smile, but said nothing in return. He walked, clearly deflated, back to his computer, thinking there was little hope for this to be a positive relationship after all. Seeing as the crisis was over and it was already pretty late, he decided to start wrapping things up. James would want to meet with him soon to get started on Guardian's night activities.

Taylor still stared intently at her screen, but she wasn't actually doing anything on it. She thought that maybe she was a little too harsh on Winn. Clearly, he was a fairly sensitive person. However, from her previous experience working in the field of computer engineering—a field so often dominated by men—she knew all too well that she had to earn respect early. Otherwise, she would just be seen as the dumb blonde that they could take advantage of. She had experienced it too many times before to let it happen again, and this was the only way she knew to escape it—being a little rough along the edges and making very clear boundaries. She began thinking about all of the previous jobs and cities she had blown through up until this point due to being undervalued. She really wanted this to be the job she finally landed on.

She closed her computer and made her way to the training room, hoping that spending some time hitting things would help clear her mind.

[ceescedasticity]

Ghost Army Enlistment

(Okay, really not kidding about deaths here.)

==> BE FUTURE ARADIA It's the fucking Gleeful Abandon that gets you. The terrible killjoy captain (not to be confused with the killjoy commodore) has finally decided that the level of haunting is interfering with operational efficiency, and contacted the Bureau of Retermination to at least get the officers' diningblock cleared out. All the administrative material was in order, you checked in, bowed and scraped, you did everything you were supposed to, and some junior subjugglator walks in, decides he doesn't WANT the ghosts cleared out, and casually crushes your throat and snaps your neck.

Feferi's given him a massive brain hemorrhage before you're even clear of your body. You give her a mildly reproving look. "I WAS going to haunt him a bit myself." "Sorry?" She sounds a little sorry. "You could still terrorize his ghost." "It's not the same." It's the work of a moment to fix your neck, followed by dozens of aches and pains which have built up over the sweeps. "Okay. I am professionally obligated to completely trash at least half the ship now, but I want to go talk to Sollux before he hears it from the official report." Oh, fuck, he probably HEARD you, too. "You mind getting started?" She cracks her knuckles. "Not at all." Sollux is upset, of course, and threatens not to help you learn to type with your brain, and gets sniffly, but you both knew this was coming sooner rather than later, and it's not like you're GONE. He agrees to message the living individually. You head off to look for Karkat, Gamzee, and Vriska -- they deserve to hear it from you before you send out an all-points bulletin to the Terrifying Ghost Army re: avenging your slightly premature demise. Skeleton -- back in the Fleet this sweep while a ghost necropath called Latecome watches the Caverns -- finds you while you're working out how to jump to Karkat's location. "Megido." She's never really picked up calling you by your adult name. "Hi," you reply absently. Where is he... oh right, Gathering Swarm. "Welcome to the club. I can see you're busy right now, but... We need to talk when you have time. There's some stuff I haven't told you." By the time you escape the -- admittedly very informative -- conversation, the rest of the terrifying ghost army has trashed at least two-thirds of the Gleeful Abandon. You just go ahead and trash the rest.

~~~~ ==> BE FUTURE SOLLUX Between hacking and your information network, you find out about the agreement to sell you out of the squadron almost as soon as it happens. The prospective buyer is higher-ranked, more conquest-focused. Fleet data indicates that he likes well-trained, integrated helmsmen. That MIGHT have been manageable, but the out of the squadron part isn't. You announce in the dropbox that you think it's time. KK throws a fit, but the out of the squadron part convinces him, too. You let Kanaya and disorderlyImpulse know transmissions on this end may be delayed for a while until you get used to ghost computing, and to hold off on routing anything to twinArmageddons until you inform them everything's transferred. It helps that disorderlyImpulse already knows about the ghost thing. Your closest friends are in the dropbox. Outside that... You consider leaving messages for Ananas, Cephal, maybe Pachex and the least odious of your techs. (Why do you have FRIENDS?) You decide against it. You'll stop by in person later. You DO leave time-delayed taunts for the captain and the more odious techs.

You initially plan on taking care of it yourself -- there are features specifically designed to keep helmsmen from offing themselves, but you sneer at their pathetic hardware constraints. But that COULD get someone else in trouble, and it might be someone you don't want to get in trouble, so you agree to let a ghost do it. Ghosts, as it turns out. AA drags you out of your body, and FF quickly and efficiently shuts down all your body's functions so no one can use it as a mindless battery. You blast the memory of biowire off your hands and feet, and avoid looking right at the body. "As long as you're at it, mind killing the helmscolumn?" You'd do it, but if you're anything like everyone else it'll be a while before you can affect the real world. "Dibs," KK says, and manifests a sickle. AA hugs you. You hug back. ~~~~ ==> BE FUTURE TAVROS Most of your colleagues from your Conscription days are gone. Even beyond the preferential treatment you get, you have a much smaller problem with some of the significant areas of chronic stress in lowbloods -- if your knees don't like the weight of your horns, you can fix them yourself with a wrench, and you added a back brace pretty early on.

But then you get sick. Really sick, and in the back of your mind where you're not too fevered to think you're pretty they're not going to spare the medicine for you. Lowbloods -- especially lowbloods your age -- don't get antibiotics. But you've built up a lot of goodwill, so you get Terezi informed before and not after, in time to visit, and you get an anesthetic overdose to make everything easy. You coalesce in the Mediculler bay to find Terezi must have passed the information on -- Aradia and Gamzee perched on the counter and Vriska pacing back and forth behind them. "Tav-bro!" Gamzee says enthusiastically. "Feeling better?" "Give him a minute," Aradia advises. "That infection did its best to fry his brain, and everyone's a little disoriented to start with." "I'm good," you say. "Infection?" "You got a cut on one of your stumps where you couldn't feel it and didn't know to treat it," Vriska says. You... guess that explains why she's here? You sit up, look at the body the medicullers are hauling away for disposal, and hastily look away. "How's Terezi?" Aradia shrugs. "Sad. Karkat's ghost stalking her." "I'm about to go join him," Vriska says, "but I need to apologize for finally killing you. I cannot BELIEVE I've now killed you how many sweeps later? Just, wow." She disappears without waiting for a response. Okay then. You stretch. Your head feels so light. Your legs feel so light. You feel like you could just float away. "...How long does it take to learn to ghost hover?" ~~~~

(==> BE FUTURE KARKAT) (You hit a lull in the Ghost Inner Circle's expansion, since Sollux checked out early. There are near misses with Terezi, plenty of them, since she no longer has to worry about endangering Tavros, but you eventually manage collectively to convince her that she should try to do for new conscripts what Sharpeye did for her, and having a few protégés settles her down.) (You master looking like you died at full growth, not as a young adult. You still revert under stress, but at least you don't spend much time looking like a pupa on stilts, VRISKA.)

~~~~~ ==> BE FUTURE NEPETA You honestly think you're going to die when you get poisoned by a young indigo pissed off that an aging midblood occupies the dashing seadweller first officer's red quadrant. But none of your quadrants are ready to let you go just yet, and you get the best care possible, and soon enough you feel fine. (And the poisoner is in inquisitorment, being led to frame 'poisoning a greenblood' as 'plotting against a seadweller'.) The medicullers don't tell you -- or your quadrants -- that it did damage to your blood pusher that probably won't ever heal completely. Tavros reads it off your chart over the mediculler's shoulder, and tells you later. He picked up a lot of mediculling knowledge while he was alive, and now it's even easier to snoop.

"What does it mean?" you ask. "This will get me eventually?" Tavros grimaces. "Unless something else does, I guess. But it could be sweeps, especially if you slow down a little..." You nod understanding, not agreement. "Don't tell Equius or Eridan, please." It IS sweeps. It might be longer if you took it easy, but -- no. And it's not like the endurance terrain runs you keep doing kill you RIGHT AWAY. They're just fine until the one that isn't. You just power along the track, pass a few young ceruleans who could really be in better shape, and then suddenly you feel dizzy, and go to your knees, and everything fades out. Well, shit. That's... annoying. You fade back in looking at Aradia, with Tavros just behind her, looking anxious. "See, I told you," Aradia says. "She's fine. She just didn't turn up right away since -- I'm assuming -- she wasn't very upset about it." "A little annoyed, maybe," you say, looking around. Still on the track. Your body is still lying where it fell. You really did just drop dead. "Pawsibly a little embarrassed." "No, it's kind of nice we've at least got one person with a natural death." "Except this was probably because of the poisoning, ultimately," Tavros puts in. "That was sweeps ago, it doesn't count." You go see Equius and Eridan, to say -- not goodbye, but hello from the other side. Eridan will be okay. He's moved on before. Equius... is harder. "I'm not telling you to find someone new," you say. "I'm not saying goodbye. But I'm not going to let you turn into Corpsepap, either." "It -- is not the same. We all--" You're all more heavily involved with the dead than is normal. Or -- from this side -- with the living. "That's true. But it's not going to be the same, and we need to -- we need to come to terms with that. Both of us. EACH of us."

He agrees, but he still doesn't take it WELL that you'll be gone for a while. That you want to be gone for a while. So you break down and tell him. "I'm going to go back to Alternia and run around in the mountains the whole time. I am *so tired of spaceships*." He doesn't try to argue with that. ~~~~ (==> BE FUTURE VRISKA) (Rainbow drinkers live longer, so Terezi is next, and unfortunately she KNOWS it. She's PLANNING it practically.) ("I am not," she says when you call her on it. "I just... don't see myself going from heart failure. Nepeta wasn't very happy with the outcome, you know? And I don't want to end up there too.")

("How is that not planning?") (Karkat is making a point of Not Being Pushy for some weird Karkat reason, and everyone else is not sufficiently anti-death, so YOU AND TAVROS have to form the Make Terezi Live To Retirement Team. It's sort of awkward, even after all this time, but you're both motivated to stay on task and get stuff done. Together you head off or mitigate all sorts of risk-taking behavior!) ("I can't BELIEVE that YOU TWO are in CAHOOTS," Terezi complains.) ("Shut up and put your gorget on.") ~~~~ ==> BE FUTURE EQUIUS You do not die in a predictable mishap involving Gathay, a robot, and a disintegration ray, despite several close calls. (You aren't sure Gathay's robots have ever killed anyone, actually. You've never heard of any cases, however unlikely it seems that she could avoid it.)

You don't die when your moirail dies, even though you sort of want to for a while. She wants you to keep going. You can be strong a while longer. You don't die when a senior archeradicator brings in his subdued, two-sweeps-past-Conscription teal "matesprit" for robotic feet and doesn't even pretend he wasn't what happened to the originals. "Now that she's learned about RUNNING," he smirks, and you VERY BADLY want to be VIOLENTLY insubordinate. Instead you alert the terrifying ghost army. After some discussion they finesse a transfer to First Officer Deepfall's ship. Eridan has the... FUCKER detained for conduct unbecoming an officer and orders him questioned. Inquisitormentor Burnteye maneuvers him into expressing resentment of Deepfall, and then suddenly he's the insubordinate one. He gets demoted and sent packing out of the squadron; his EX-matesprit gets sent to admin training. It's immensely satisfying. No, you die in an ALIEN PLAGUE. Initially a reconnaissance ship is blamed, but it turns out to have come in on a courier vessel from another squadron. The plague tears through the lowbloods -- it incubates asymptomatically for a week or more, and then in the space of a night the victim is drowning on the fluid in their lungs. The death rate is almost thirty percent WITH TREATMENT. Without treatment, it's over fifty. One ship loses its helmsman. It stops dead after teals, though. No one knows why, but highbloods breathe a sigh of relief and try to go about their business, watching the plague with dismay but also making fun on the Ruthless Regulation's stringent universal isolation procedures. It turns out highbloods have a LONGER asymptomatic incubation period, after which their lungs more or less LIQUEFY. The death rate is sixty percent with treatment, and treatment has to start immediately. Without treatment, it comes close to ninety. (For landdwellers, that is. Seadwellers can ride it out by going underwater and staying there until there's an opportunity to reconstruct their lungs.) You know the odds aren't good, so you aren't surprised to wake up to Vriska and Feferi floating over your desk and sitting on your ceiling, respectively, both looking as clear and solid as Aradia when she puts effort into it. You glance back at your body. "Well." "Welcome to the Terrifying Ghost Army!" Feferi says. "Sadly at the moment we're a little overwhelmed by terrified ghost plague victims, it's completely out of hand. But it'll take you a while to get control enough to be helpful, so I could take you back to Alternia for now. Meet up with Nepeta." And you feel guilty about it, but-- "Yes, I would like that, if you can spare the time." You pause. "Terezi? And Eridan?" "The legislacerator quarantines were effective, seems like, so Terezi's fine. Eridan doesn't know if he's infected, but he's moved underwater in case he is, and he is NOT happy about it." Vriska barely snickers at her own words, though, so you know they're taking the situation seriously. ~~~~~ ==> BE FUTURE TEREZI Everything's a mess after the alien plague is finally eliminated, and personnel get sent every which where in an attempt to fill some of the emptied critical positions. The squadron gets put back on Conscription duty ahead of when rotation would call for it, but throwing in COMPLETELY UNTRAINED highbloods is not, unsurprisingly, terribly helpful. It would make a lot more sense to break up all the plague-afflicted squadrons (how many squadrons is classified information, but the ghost army confirmed it was EIGHT) and consolidate them into fewer squadrons, but this is more useful to you, so.

Over your protests, you get put in charge of crew assignments on the Gathering Swarm. You resolve to come down like a meteor on any murder-recon-like situation, keep a close eye out for any illegal trade, and manipulate the assigned teams to encourage highbloods to play nicely with others. You keep it up for a good few sweeps, too, and you need your swordcane to LEAN on by the time a brownblood grieving a culled matesprit decides an elderly teal administrator is the most PRACTICAL revenge target available. "I thought you were smarter than this, Serfin," you inform him. "No, you -- I don't know why you're even BOTHERING to hide the body, I'm going to be missed regardless, but if for some reason you MUST don't hide it THERE. Do you ever even talk to maintenance people?" Tavros shows up while your body is still only halfway in the air duct. "Aradia said-- What happened?" You throw an arm around his shoulders. (It feels a little strange, you hadn't quite hit full growth before he died.) "Generalized rage happened, I think." "...The air duct, really?" "Not exactly a criminal mastermind, is he." "...Looks like he broke the screws on the grate, too, he's never going to get that back on." ~~~~~ (==> BE FUTURE GAMZEE) (After the plague, you really start networking with other squadrons. You're one of the people on the... goodwill tour? Well, anyway, you go around between squadrons, talking to other ghosts and necropaths and occasionally other people if it's called for, and distributing ghost music players and palmhusks which hardly ever bite anymore.)

(You always find time to stop by whatever subjugglator ships there are and talk to the ghosts, in case they need help. You never PLAN to do anything more than that, but somehow you always end up delivering at least one ghost smackdown to a living subjugglator.) (When you get back Karkat tells you you've become an urban legend: a phantom who protects people menaced by highbloods and curbs the power of the subjugglator cult. People haven't really settled on a name, but since you hardly ever try to look like a full adult, a lot of them say The Small Highblood.) (You think that's pretty cool, but decide to bring your guitar to future interventions so you're associated with music, too.) ~~~~~ ==> BE FUTURE KANAYA As a rainbow drinker converted young, you may live a very, very, very long time. At one point you almost decide to die out of sheer BOREDOM. You love the caverns, you do, you LOVE the Mother Grub you hatched yourself, your friends never neglect you, but still, after so long... Then you realize you have a certain amount of authority at this point and assign yourself to go survey the virgin mother grub population. Much better. With some variety, you can stick it out much longer. As an Attender (you turned down Altadona when they offered it) you're not in a position to directly change culling policy, but you can make suggestions, so you always make sure to have current contacts in grub handling. So you hear things pretty quickly. And... not yet. ~~~~~

==> BE FUTURE ERIDAN Nepeta shows up while you are supervising the re-enameling of your new command block. "Aradia said they'd given you a purroper ship this time," she says, looking around. You do not roll your eyes st her where anyone can see, but do head to your personal blockset as soon as you can get away with it. "Good to see you -- is something going on?" She nods. "I just came from Alternia--" "Is it Kan?" you ask, feeling your vascular system seize for a moment. It doesn't really make any difference, but you don't want to be the only one alive. "No, no, she's fine. No, it's -- an heiress made it through the Trials." Your blockset should be clear of surveillance, but you still don't say anything beyond "Oh." A lot of hypotheticals may be about to become actuals. "I'm mostly sure I didn't say anything about being bored that could've tempted fate," you say, more to the ceiling than to Nepeta. She laughs anyway. ~~~~~ (==> BE FUTURE FEFERI) (You wave to your lusus, who seems a little nonplussed by your presence but not hostile, and ghost-swim down to the hive rising from the sea floor. Karkat follows basically ghost flying.) (The Heiress is two sweeps old and is playing with a box of colored sand, swirling her fingers through to make patterns. You crouch down beside her and make sure you're visible. "Hi there.") (She looks at you with big eyes. "Hello?") ("Your name is Pelagi, right?") (She nods.) ("I'm Feferi! And this is Karkat, and I hope we can be your friends.") (You've got a lot to tell her.)

[frostybwitch]

Get To Know Me

I was tagged by @yachiie. (ayye, thanks for the tag!! :))

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

Last: 1. Drink: some blackcurrent juice LOL. 2. Phone call: one of my flatmates, cos she forgot her keycard and got herself locked out lmao.   3. Text message: liz, my panda-loving best friend lmao 4. Song you listened to: if you love me — J Rabbit. 5. Time you cried: like really, really cried? um, probably back in early Feb when I couldn’t see my parents off and reality finally struck that I’m gonna be alone in melbourne all by myself without any family or friends. (but at least I’ve got my awesome flatmates now who are like practically family to me atm.)

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: lol nahh, been single my whole life to even think about dating someone twice lol. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope. 8. Been cheated on: nopey-do. 9. Lost someone special: people, in general, walk in and out of my life so quick that I get fucking whiplash sometimes lol. 10. Been depressed: back when I was younger, yeah. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: lmao yeah, that one fucking time and never again.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Blue, baby pink, grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeap. 16. Fallen out of love: im so glad to finally tick this one off. 17. Laughed until you cried: for sho 18. Found out someone was talking about you: lol yeah, apparently. 19. Met someone who changed you: yeah… nahh. 20. Found out who your friends are: oh yea, dats for sho. someimes I kinda forget that people actually care and when they show that they do, its always such a surprise :’). 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: lmao no way

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: everyone LOL. 23. Do you have any pets: im not allowed to have pets in my current apartment :( 24. Do you want to change your name: nahhh 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: friends/family took me out for an awesome dinner. 26. What time did you wake up: 7.30am for some a practical class or sth 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: scrolling thru tumblr/facebook LMAO 28. Name something you can’t wait for: TO FINALLY GET BACK HOME TO SINGAPORE IN NOV~ WOOTS 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: digitally through skype? last saturday. physically? early feb of this year. (fuck im starting to feel a tiny bit homesick now. ahh I miss my mom. :( ) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: to be a wee bit taller? 31. Listening right now: my recorded lectures that I missed this morning LOL. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lol nope 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: people who do not pay attention during lectures, subsequently not understanding the material being covered and then coming to me with a fuckload of questions and eventually getting me to give them a mini-lecture to them on the spot. (like ffs, the lectures are fucking recorded and you’re in uni. not stupid high school. your classmates/profs are not there to spoonfeed you through omg. and for the record, do I look like the prof taking the class to you? jfc.) 34. Most visited website: tumblr/youtube/facebook (the unholy trinity of distractions lmao)

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME: 35. Mole/s: i’ve got 3 of them that I know of. 36. Mark/s: not that I know of 37. Childhood dream: to be a professional musician. (look where life actually led me to LOL) 38. Hair color: dark brown. 39. Long or short hair: it’s mid-length-ish? 40. Do you have a crush on someone: god no thankfully, i’ve had enough of all that for now. 41. What do you like about yourself: i’m smol and thin without ever working out. 42. Piercings: nah-dah. 43. Blood type: O+ 44. Nickname: d, dio. 45. Relationship status: single af 46. Zodiac: capricorn 47. Pronouns: she/her. 48. Favorite TV Show: supergirl. (only in it for katie mcgrath tho) 49. Tattoos: asian parents would not approve. 50. Right or left hand: righto. 51. Surgery: none 52. Hair dyed in different color: my mom wouldn’t allow it, apparently. 53. Sport: badminton? but if I get to choose, I’d do none cus my stamina for sports is fucking non-existent and I can’t run long distance to save my life either. 55. Vacation: anywhere with harry potter world/disneyland 56. Pair of trainers: uhh, my nike joggers i guess?

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: gum LOL  58. Drinking: regular drinking water 59. I’m about to: finish the lectures I missed today 61. Waiting for: winter to end and for november to come. 62. Want: A KITTEN 63. Get married: eventually, yeah 64. Career: uni student. (medical scientist-in-training)

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs seem like the less intimidating option for now. 66. Lips or eyes: eyes, for sho 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older  70. Nice arms or nice stomach:  stomach I guess. 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive, loud people are exhausting to deal with. 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant. i have too much on my plate to have time to worry about a troublemaker.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: lol no. 75. Drank hard liquor: yeah def. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i lose my contacts all the time. 77. Turned someone down: maybe? LOL I wouldn’t know. 78. Sex on the first date: lol fuck no 79. Broken someone’s heart: ehhh, I really wouldn’t know. 80. Had your heart broken: oh lmao, tons of times. 81. Been arrested: nah, im too much of a law-abiding citizen to break the law. 82. Cried when someone died: not really 83. Fallen for a friend: nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: i try to 85. Miracles: i like to think, yeah? just cus the world deserves a little bit of hope sometimes. 86. Love at first sight: nahh. 87. Santa Claus: lol lmao please, I'm too old for that 88. Kiss on the first date: um, depends on how much I like the person I guess.

OTHER: 90. Current best friend(s) name: liz and eunice 91. Eye color: black like you can’t see my pupils black. 92. Favorite movie: MINIONS MOVIE (ITS SO FUCKING CUTE I CANT HANDLE OMG)

tagging: @sushimiyuu @mari-hoehara @maki-roni @symphonyalpha @steel-glass-heart @sunshineandfoxes

[cafephan]

dan vs phil - dumb ways to die: a summary

i squealed when i saw they did this game like it was my life at one point "DanandPhilGames beans" // "i thought you were going to say dummies" // "i wouldn't be mean to them!" // "DUMBARSES" "you're our tiny beans that need to be protected" phil your biffle is trying to impress you with a full-out performance here just humour him pls dan gives up just as phil looks at him wow savage "that song has been stuck in my head for like a billion years" relatable as ever howell "we've never done it" who needs context "it's quick and impossible to bant over" i'm sure you'll give it a good go anyway "this should be a trainwreck from start to finish" this is their new branding, it fits well don't you think "i didn't know it was dangerous to put a fork in the toaster, like, i didn't know, so my mum just walked in on me going 'i'm just going to get my toast out' she was like what are you doing" see this is why i use a knife to get my toast out of the toaster i shouldn't be allowed near appliances should i "who's your daddy is an educational game" // "it is!" listen lads we all know you ain't talking about the game you played a while back we all know your interpretation "we've got to protect these beans from death" everyone reading every hunger games/apocalyptic au ever "that's getting worse every time" dan cuts phil off how rude before the action starts i want to give honourable mention to phil's fashion sense that high neck shirt is doing a lot for him and a black shirt at that is just helping everything no wonder dan is going out of his way not to look anyway on with the non-bants "who's going to go first?" // "you." // "me? but then you can learn the secrets" // "i know" why is this entire exchange literally the most domestic thing i've ever seen they're gross dan makes eye contact with the camera whilst doing that ever so suggestive hand movement like stop looking at me i don't want to be exposed to that dan just scissored phil on camera can you believe 2017 phan "i swear you're psychic" // "yep" *raises eyebrows* someone make phil singing alien into an audio post please and thank you i want it as my alarm tone "have we cracked this ipad?" // "what the-" *both dramatic gasp* // *we've cracked our ipad..." apple are 110% gonna send them a new one by next week i guarantee "that's my ipad... did you just say our ipad?" // "i said this ipad" // *that weird voice he does sometimes* "that is my personal ipad" // "you definitely dropped it" // "probably" it was definitely phil aka mister biter of controllers and spiller of ribena onto other controllers also dan going out of his way to say they have separate possessions like... you'd give the clothes off of your back if phil ran out of toilet paper don't make out you don't share legit everything "just don't touch my body." *dan looks momentarily gloomy* "you can talk but i don't want you to wobble it" phil lester, ever the professional king of words king of adjectives wobble in an attempt to make his dejection funny dan starts to sing which just amplifies it "fed the snek" two games in and dan is already subtly accusing him of cheating the amount of times phil's let you win on this channel,,, shut up man okay phil is atrocious though "okay i'm focusing. no banting." dan sarcastically claps phil's failure honestly same like pal you were awful i love you but you sucked at least on that round "best of three!" phil begs as dan takes the ipad without acknowledging what he said "let's see what happens with dan" me in every fic ever "okay this could be the shortest dan vs phil video ever" "yours are so much easier than mine!" they really aren't philly bobs... they really aren't "straight into the ambulance, check out that accuracy" *licks his lips* okay who's keeping the list of dans kinks because we've found another one "i'm a fast tapper" "get off the wiener!" again who needs context "shaking his private parts around" the stitchy stitch song is strangely catchy "like... you've already won" // "i'm a surgeon... i'm just amazing" someone try and find a dan vs phil video on this channel where dan doesn't call himself amazing does one even exist "we'll discuss this after, see how incredible i am" i think we got an insight into 2**9 just now i'm not sorry i thought he said mexican instead of hexagon i must have his tweet on the brain "frick you, you mother fricker" "connect the fucking wires you dildo" he just went from family friendly to full on dan in the space of ten seconds such a wholesome influence in so many people's lives phil looks silently pissed *phil puts his hand in front of dan's eyes* "nope. screw you." // *phil giggles and does it again* "i didn't touch you!" "you're getting extra practice from watching me do this, i think i'm setting the highest score of all time right now" phil's face lit up when dan failed the man has no shame and i love it "that looked painful..." // "right in the nads" "fuck that train one" honestly i bet he would of given the chance "right, i'm just going to say..." *dan sighs and says his score in what i can only presume is a breathy post-org*sm voice jumpcut what was phil just going to say though #letphilspeak2k17 "so i have an idea, phil. and it's not just letting you have another go, because you had your go" // "i had my go" he still looks pissed // "we're gonna do all or nothing" // "I DIDN'T SUGGEST IT, DAN SUGGESTED IT" *dan looks over fondly* // "we're going to take it in turns every level" // "sudden death?" // "and the first person to die once, never mind the three strikes, loses." shiiiit guys it's all going down here on a thursday evening are you holding on to the edge of your seat "and no holding the ipad. i'm going first." phil just lets dan have his way all the time doesn't he what a prince "what do you mean no holding the ipad?" phil honey it's self explanatory // "as in you have to give it to the other person when the level's over" dan looks off camera and tries not to laugh but fails "are you scared??" bring the fighting talk philly bring it the preparation editing and bird sounds just makes me focus on dan's crusty ass lips like for the love of all that's holy you can get a chopstick for like under a pound "this is a very edutational game" // "edutational?" PHIL THE SAVAGE RETURNS YES WELCOME BACK MY LOVE dan carries on what he's saying without bringing attention to phil's drag "hold up the ipad though, i need to be able to get it. that's a thing." "i don't know what the story of the moose and the man was there..." phil why do you suck so much at this game i had faith in you dan the ever subtle gloater "oh my contact lens has fallen out i got so excited" dans hysterical laugh returns yes my other love as deafening as you are it's a treat for the ears "let me see!" protective bf mode activated "hold your top eyelid and look down... i think it's just come down... yes it's peeling off and it's like going backwards into your brain" okay i take back what i said before, THIS is the most domestic thing i've ever seen "you need to go to the bathroom and you need to take it off right now" protective bf dan gets stricter *phil leaves the room, thank you for that beautiful leg shot* dan's little rant about contact lenses we get it you like phil's glasses so do we but he never listens to us please convince him to wear them more "imagine waking up and not being able to see until you put glasses on... i can't relate to that, my able-sighted privilege... it's checked, and because i don't have to worry about my contact lenses drifting backwards into my brain, um, i feel quite lucky." what the fuck just happened "build a bean... aw it kind of looks like me already! that's fun! i mean, i'm kind of orange, let's go there... i'm really tall, that's a skinny one... what hair do we have?? ah we don't have any coins... i mean i have eyebrows so i don't know about you... the smile, there we go... some sick shades, i mean that's not me is it... what is the skull there?? oooh, ah that's how he dies. well there we go, that is the- the dan bean." i feel like we just went on a journey there, that was more intimate than when they created dil and customised tweety "hi. i had to take out my contact lenses, something went horrifically wrong..." HELLO GLASSES PHIL MY LONG TIME LOVE also watch dans gaze as he watches phil sit down i am convinced love is real and it resides in that flat "what just happened?" // "basically my contact lens turned itself inside out within my eye. i don't know how that happened, i think it was the stress of this game. and tilting beans. and not dying." // "dumb ways to die?? playing this app and then getting your contact lens flipped inside your eyelid and going into your brain and murdering you." *phil points to himself flamboyantly* "that is a dumb way to die!" *dan gestures to phil in a way not entirely dissimilar to will smith does on that red carpet picture you know the one* phil please pay him some attention he can't make it anymore obvious "he's wearing glasses!" yes dan, yes he is, everyone is happy, everyone has a reason to live "why will you not get laser eye surgery" i'm sure dan would pay for it himself like phil wouldn't have to spend a penny *the award sticker ceremony* "here is my flaming bean" i said the same thing when the picture of dan with the black nail polish came out "majestic!" dan howell user of fine adjectives i approve "phil, i'm just saying, mine goes from top to bottom, and it's staring to fill horizontally..." // *phil starts speaking at the same time making this incredibly hard to quote ffs* "you're just stretching it out! you're just stretching it out." i said this last time but PLEASE TAKE IT IN TURNS AND LET EACH OTHER SPEAK they actually forgot to put the dvp switch sticker on the board... okay potential rematch?? "give us a tickle on the like button" // *phil overlaps him again i stg he's doing it to stress me out* "give us a little like, subscribe if you're still alive..." "don't do any of the things that happened in this video including wearing contact lenses apparently." beanisonfire AFlattenedPhil (the closest he'll ever be to being flat stanley)

[allanamayer]

Libraries in the age of fascism.

Ever since the furor around Canada accepting Syrian refugees, I’ve been watching and waiting for libraries to get together and share resources about how to be good allies in trying political times. I think in case of libraries and refugees, we’ve made good strides as individual communities and organizations (especially from IFLA and in Europe, as you’ll see if you visit that link), but haven’t really gotten together as coalitions or a professional community to talk about the work that needs to be done.

In America, of course, libraries and resistance is a whole ‘nother deal, and not one I’m equipped to comment on - but Canada continues to be impacted by it, not just by the possible repeal of the Third Safe Country Agreement and by refugees now trying to enter Canada from the US, but by the heightened tension in areas such as trade relations (and my particular tinfoil-hat concerns of eventual annexation for our natural resources, don’t say I didn’t tell you so).

What will happen to libraries in Canada, as a result of fascism at the fore in America (and in Britain, and around the world)? As a result of our own right-wing politicians trying to play a similar rhetorical game?

[Don’t @ me about fake news, please; I feel like this is a battle libraries must’ve lost sometime in the last decade for any of this to have occurred. If we weren’t always providing (and aggressively pushing) a critical alternative to cable news and the limitations of information literacy, it’s too late now.]

I was happy to see Libraries Resist publish a Google Doc of resources and guides. It’s a bit broad and generalist, without a lot of library-specific (and hardly any actionable) tasks for staff and managers. You can find ideas in there, but it’s a lot of reading. (And you’ll note the more actionable sections are the immigration/citizenship/refugee one and the bits that pertain to digital security, work that Library Freedom Project has been doing for ages and in times less immediately pertinent.)

It's worth pointing out that I had hoped that most libraries learned these things after 2001, when dealing with the PATRIOT Act, and so I'm perhaps glossing over some basics. If you aren't already up to speed on things like warrant canaries and refusing to supply patron records to law enforcement, you have reading to do.

Here are some actionable things you can do, if you work in an American or Canadian library and wield any power whatsoever:

- Issue statements reaffirming the library as a safe and inclusive space where patrons’ autonomy and privacy are respected. 

- Make book displays, exhibits, and events that reflect that. Use the #BlackLivesMatter booklist (under Displays, Exhibits) or the #BLMCdnSyllabus. (Here’s a mostly-up-to-date list in Bibliocommons, if your library uses that and you want to check what you have.) Host rallies and talks. Offer meeting and planning space. Be loud about it.

- If your community is involved in this Sanctuary City thing, publish statements of support. As Laura Saunders alludes to, standing up in this way will cost you, so batten down the hatches in preparation for losing federal funding.

- I mean, batten down in preparation for losing federal funding no matter where you are in America. The IMLS, the NEA, and the NEH are under imminent threat. Realign your strategic priorities accordingly. Think about maybe not buying that second 3D printer! In all seriousness, think about where your budget could be a year from now, two years from now. Think about the worst-case scenario. Prepare for that, and more.

- If you're in Canada, try the opposite: see what kind of relevant and proactive offerings you can provide. See how far you can go in service of the newcomers and religious minorities in your community. See what kind of accolades you can get for your humanism, your compassion, your prescience. Now is the time to make your moves. We may not have a federal government more willing to pay lip service to feel-good rhetoric than right now.

- Also related to something Saunders mentions: prepare your staff with training and warnings in order to stay open during civil unrest; get together supplies for patrons who might be putting themselves in danger (of hunger, dehydration, pepper-spraying or tear-gassing, arrest or search); fill your social media with information about privacy and safety lessons.

- Invite LFP to give privacy talks to your staff, so they can pass those skills on in one-on-one interactions with patrons; invite LFP to give privacy talks to the public who are interested (and train your staff to give regular talks in the same vein after they leave).

- Abolish library fines. Just do it.

- Create library accounts that require no fixed address. No fines means no need to pursue people in multiple communication avenues, right?

- Take gender identification off your library accounts too.

- Get an ILS/OPAC/whatever that doesn’t hold borrowing records by default. Allow patrons to opt in manually to that kind of data-gathering. (Yes there are laws about this and you should read them.)

- Write letters to vendors whose products don’t allow you to do these things. Tell them what you’re disappointed about and tell them you won’t buy from them until they fix it.

- If you can, volunteer with groups documenting protests. It’s usually just data-entry into an Omeka; you can do this! Encourage your staff to do the same. Offer them workplace incentives to do so. Make it a formal collaboration.

- Do something similar with Wikipedia and other popular research sites, to keep information current and up-to-date and as verifiable as possible given that there are probably a ton of people out there working night and day to skew and distort what those articles say. 

- Do something similar with local news organizations. Alternatively, fact-check them daily. When your local paper (probably some tiny arm of a huge ____Media conglomerate) promotes not-great content from other parts of the world, call them out. Make it fun. Do it on social media. 

- Encourage your staff to learn languages. Support them however you can.

- I really wish I could come up with a way that libraries can support reproductive rights for women, but nothing’s coming to mind.

- Prepare for a deluge of public-school students with massively decreased quality of education. Plan your school-age literacy programs accordingly. If you can, collect data on these things (in a smart, anonymous way): markers of the degradation of public education will be useful stats in the years to come.

- Hold postcard-writing or letter-writing events so people can communicate with their elected representatives. 

- Teach FOIA classes too. 

- Use your makerspace to make protest signs, buttons, bumper stickers, and other visible signs of support for allies. Share a couple in-house designs that people can print out for themselves if they’re not design-inclined. Here in Hamilton we have these great designers who make and hand out that shit for free; you may have to step up in your community.

#HamOnt Is For Everybody. pic.twitter.com/pKkxN2LYMi

— Matt Jelly Max+ (@mattjelly)

January 30, 2017

(I think that for at least some libraries, these all fit into "things you can do in the next year," especially if you're a small shop and/or are already in the procurement process for some of these things. They may not be options for many sites; YMMV; don't @ me FFS.)