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heliza24 · 2 years ago

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The Radical Act of Quitting (and Wilhelm)

This is a little more personal than my Young Royals metas normally are. It’s really one-half personal essay, one-half show analysis. It’s something of a spiritual successor to my post about radical acceptance and Simon’s arc in season 2. And it’s also about the reasons why I want Wilhelm to renounce the crown by the end of season 3. (I am stating that early, because I know many people disagree. Feel free to engage but please do so with kindness; a lot of this is quite vulnerable for me.)

I’m disabled. Specifically, I have a chronic condition that began in my early twenties, and slowly got worse and worse until I was finally diagnosed at 28. I’m 31 now, and I’ve had to grieve the person I once was many times over. I used to be a dancer, I used to be an adventurous eater, I used to love to travel. My chronic pain and restrictive medical diet have taken those things away from me, piece by piece. But the thing I mainly want to talk about right now is quitting my job. At the time of my diagnosis, I had worked at my job full time for three years. For a few years after my diagnosis, I tried to remain at my job part-time, because I loved it. I worked in the music industry, and I had the best team of coworkers. I had a great work/life balance, I was never stressed about work. I looked forward to each day in the office. When I went to events and had to introduce myself during an ice-breaker, I would usually include a fact about my job. I found a lot of my identity there. All of my work directly supported musicians, which was something I was very proud of.

So I tried very, very hard to hang on to my job. My company gave out these ridiculously heavy plaques for employees who had been at the company for 5 years, and I was determined to get one. But it was really hard. I could no longer type sitting up for more than a few minutes, so I did every day from my lap desk in bed. (This is still where I write all of my fic and meta!) I struggled to talk to customers on the phone while I was in pain. The office was closed because of the pandemic, but I would have had to work from home regardless because I couldn’t handle the commute. Every day was a slog. And my pain and fatigue weren’t getting better. In fact they were continuing to get worse as time went on. Finally, my five-year work anniversary arrived. I made it, but I felt like a runner barely stumbling over the finish line. It was the end of 2021. I talked with my friends and my therapist and my disability benefits lawyer. “I don’t think I can keep working,” I would say. And then I would cry, because the thought of letting go of this last part of my identity, when my illness had already taken so much, was so horrible.

After several months of deliberating and grieving, I quit. My boss begged me to reconsider (God bless him, honestly). Was there anything he could do to better accommodate my needs? Could I work a different schedule to let me sleep more? Could I work freelance on specific projects they really needed me on? I wanted to say yes so badly. But I knew. The longer I held on, the more I fought, the worse my health would become. And the worse my health would become, the more I would struggle with work. The joy I had felt during my first three years in that office had already drained away. I was fighting just to get through each day, and I didn’t want to fight anymore.

I recognize that having the resources and disability benefits to even consider quitting is a huge privilege. There are a lot of disabled and chronically ill folks who struggle through work at great detriment to their health because they can’t afford not to keep working. So I recognize how lucky I was to be able to quit. I am so grateful for that option, even as I mourn all the things I have lost.

In my meta about Simon, I talked about radical acceptance and how it has been my guiding light as a disabled person. Embracing radical acceptance means that I have done my best to accept what I can and cannot do, and what I can and cannot control, without judgment. I accepted that I needed to walk away from my job. But how was I supposed to define myself without it?

Capitalism defines most peoples’ self-identity, whether they realize it or not. We identify with our jobs, or with the “grind” culture, or with the moral goodness associated with working hard. But here I was, without a job. And I had my whole adult life ahead of me. I had to find a way to make a new identity outside of work.

Around this time, I started to gravitate towards stories where characters are faced with similar decisions, even if I didn’t realize it yet. And let me tell you, there aren’t many of them.

@bluedalahorse and I talk about this a lot. In our ultra-franchised world, the point of stories, even those that are supposedly about rebellions, is often to return characters to the status quo, so that the next movie/comic/episode can pick back up where the last one left off. And when there is a significant change in the status quo, it is usually because the characters worked, and pushed, and struggled to achieve that change. It’s very rare to see a story about someone who walked away from something that was harming them. It’s rarer still to find something that deals with the aftermath, as characters work to re-establish themselves.

I’ve found a lot of comfort in true stories of people leaving cults and high demand religions, and of queer people forced to leave their conservative families behind. In all of these cases, people are consciously abandoning a predominant belief system that is harming them, and have to start over as they craft their new sense of identity. (I am also queer, which adds an additional level of connection). Often people in these situations come to rely on their found family, a thing I have also found to be true in my own life.

I quit my job in between seasons 1 and 2 of Young Royals, and I don’t think I realized how many themes connected my experience to Wilhelm’s until I was watching season 2. Wilhelm is the protagonist of Young Royals, and his central dramatic question has always been: will he fulfill his duty as a royal? Or will he quit, and discover who he is beyond the system he was raised in? Simon is a huge part of this decision, obviously, but the question has never been strictly about Simon.

While I have no personal experience with the monarchy, I do know what it’s like to consider walking away from a role that you assumed you would fill for the rest of your life. I know what it’s like to think about quitting your job.

There’s so much pressure on Wilhelm to assume the role of perfect Crown Prince. He’s told constantly—by Kristina, by Jan-Olof, by the court-- that he can’t let his family or his country down by deviating from this role in any way.

This is a pretty common experience for people who are trying to quit something. They are told that they will let down those around them if they leave. People who are leaving high demand religions are told that they will not be able to enter heaven. Queer people in conservative families are told they can’t come out because “it would break [elderly relative]’s heart and kill them.” When I quit my job, I thought a lot about how I’d be letting down my coworkers and everyone who knew me as a hyper-competent career-driven person.(This included some of my doctors by the way, who expressed their disappointment in my failure to adhere to their idea of a “worthy” disabled person, i.e. someone who soldiered through the pain and continued to work. Some withdrew care because of this and honestly I will never forgive them). And maybe I was letting people down, and maybe ex-Mormons really will spend the afterlife in outer darkness, and maybe all the grandmas of queer people will be so upset that they kick the bucket when their grandkids come out. But ultimately, if your happiness or safety or well being depends on leaving, it doesn’t really matter. You have to do it anyway. You have to abandon the things that you can no longer carry. You have to discover who you are on the other side of religion, of the closet, of capitalism.

I think about this every time people in the fandom talk about how Wilhelm leaving the line of succession will create a constitutional crisis, or impact all of Sweden negatively. I am personally pretty anti-monarchist, but I honestly can’t even tell you if I think that Wilhelm removing himself from the line of succession would bring about the end of the Swedish monarchy or not. Honestly, I don’t really care. I care about Wilhelm. I want him to seek happiness, to search for the future that must live on the other side of this oppressive system he finds himself in. A constitutional crisis? That’s Kristina’s problem, that’s Jan-Olof’s problem, that’s the government’s problem. Radical acceptance means focusing on the things you can control, and Wilhelm can only control his own happiness.

When this issue gets debated, I often see people argue that Wilhelm is too young to make the decision to give up the throne. But the reality is that we ask teenagers to make decisions about their futures all the time. @bluedalahorse wrote a great piece of meta about that here. I love what she said so much I’m going to quote it directly:

Nonetheless, we ask teenagers of Sara and Wilhelm’s ages to think about decisions that affect their future all the time. We ask them to consider what career they’ll pursue or what university to attend. Teenagers who grow up in various denominations of Christianity consider whether they’re going to go through with Confirmation or sometimes Baptism. Other religions (ones where I can’t speak from as much personal experience) have various other rites of passage around this age, and various cultures have coming of age rituals. For some teens, they do these things willingly and with their whole heart, whereas for others, they do it to please their parents or families or for the social norms of it all.

And if Wilhelm is too young to decide to give up the throne, how can he be old enough to decide to keep it? Surely the decision to take on the governance of a country, even in a symbolic way, requires as much, if not more, maturity than the decision to pursue a less high-powered career elsewhere.

When people in the fandom claim that Wilhelm is too young to make this decision, I hear Kristina telling Wilhelm to wait until he’s 18 to come out, because only then will he be responsible enough to deal with the consequences. That’s a delaying tactic, and nothing more. People who don’t want you to leave will ask you to delay your decision over and over again, because they think that if they can kick the can down the road just a little farther, they’ll never have to lose you.

I also see people argue that Wilhelm isn’t qualified to make a decision because he doesn’t know enough about the “real world” to know what he is choosing. To be honest I don’t think most teenagers know much about the “real world”. I definitely didn’t. But we ask them to make decisions that will affect their futures anyway. And here’s another way to look at this: Wilhelm has plenty of places he can look to for examples of how “ordinary” people live. He can find out what it’s like to be from a noble but non-royal family from the students at Hillerska. He can talk to Simon and Linda about what their lives are like. He can read the millions of books, or watch the thousands of movies and TV shows that feature non-royal protagonists and were created by non-royal artists. But only Wilhelm knows what it is like to be Crown Prince. No one else has had that experience. So I would argue that actually, Wilhelm is the only one qualified to make this call.

Ultimately, the agency and mental capacity of people who are quitting is often doubted, usually by the people who have the most to gain by keeping them in place.

So many people have so much invested in maintaining the status quo. And as soon as you invest in a system, someone daring to leave puts your world view into question. Why are you dealing with so many oppressive rules if someone else can just leave? We see this a lot with high demand religions and cults; if someone threatens to break free, the members often join ranks and work together to pressure them to stay. What has your sacrifice as a woman in a patriarchal religion meant, for example, if another woman can decide to simply walk away? Does Kristina’s grim life of duty and sacrifice matter, if Wilhelm can just opt out and seek happiness instead?

Then of course, there are all the benefits that an oppressive system confers on its most privileged members. Those benefits are in danger of disappearing if enough people quit, so high ranking people will work to keep others in line. Think about all the people who benefit from the monarchy: all the staff who work for the royal family, all the nobles who get their reputation by proximity to the monarch, and everyone in Sweden who in general benefits from the image that a long-standing institution of white, straight, conservative power projects.

And those aren’t people Wilhelm needs to be responsible for (or should be concerned with placating, to be honest). If the monarchy fails because Wilhelm leaves, it’s because there’s always been a fault in the system. Those relying on this outdated system have signed their own fate.

No one knows fully what life will be like after they quit. That’s the radical acceptance part of quitting. You have to make a blind leap, and discover a whole new world once you land. Wilhelm is no more sheltered than anyone before they take this leap. Everyone who quits—a religion, a cult, a job—has to go through this process of rediscovery. You have to learn by doing. People do that successfully all the time, and I believe that Wilhelm can too.

When I was talking about this meta with @bluedalahorse, we talked a lot about Plato’s allegory of the cave. That story goes something like this:

Several prisoners have been kept inside a cave their entire life. They are chained to the spot, and cannot move. They are facing the back wall of the cave. Behind them is a fire, and in between them and the fire, their captors walk back and forth, casting shadows on the wall. Because the prisoners have been kept in the cave their entire life and have only ever seen shadows, they think the shadows are real. They think the only thing that exists in the world is shadows. Until one day, one of the prisoners is set free. He goes outside for the first time, where he is blinded by the sun and overwhelmed by stimulus. But he discovers the real world. He now knows that the shadows he was used to are pale imitations of the real things. He’s so excited that he goes back to tell his fellow prisoners what he has learned. But the prisoners get angry at him for challenging their world view. They don’t believe him, no matter what he says.

There are a lot of ways you can interpret this story. Some people think that Plato is talking about the role of philosophers in society. Some people use it to explain a philosophical concept he writes about elsewhere called “forms”. But I think one thing is clear. Plato didn’t write the allegory of the cave (and it didn’t stick around in human imagination for thousands of years) because he thought you should stay in the cave. Leaving the cave is hard. You will be met with resistance. But discovering the real world, when you were only seeing shadows before, is worth it.

I want Wilhelm to leave to be happy, to see the real world instead of shadows. But I also believe it’s what the story demands. It’s the only answer that makes asking the dramatic question—should Wilhelm conform or rebel?—worthwhile to me.

To be king, but to be the first gay king, would be such an unsatisfactory ending for me. It reminds me of how hard I tried to keep my job—by working from bed, by reducing my hours. My boss could do the best he could to be accommodating, but ultimately working was harming me. You can’t adapt the monarchy enough to make it a non-damaging space for Wilhelm, because there will always be people pressuring him to conform to its straight, stoic ideals. Those ideals have been around for hundreds of years, and to put all of the burden of reforming them on Wilhelm is unfair and unrealistic. If he does stay, I see him struggling to change a system that is not designed for him. Even if he does make small victories for representation or inclusion in that context, it will come at an enormous emotional cost. I just don’t think it’s worth it. Not when there’s a whole world where Wilhelm could be doing good, important work– in whatever arena he chooses– that won’t also come along with inherent emotional trauma.

Believe me, there’s a whole world to be discovered after you walk away from something that’s damaging you. You grieve, yes, but you also grow. Since quitting I’ve been able to love my friends harder, to treat myself better, to give back to the disabled community. I think if you talk to most people who have committed a similar act of radical quitting they’ll say the same thing. I want this future for Wilhelm, but I also want this kind of story to exist for all of us. I want there to be a story that represents those of us who have had to make these kinds of decisions. I want there to be a story that can encourage people who are currently wrestling with their desire to leave and the pressure to stay. And I want there to be a story that shows the hope, the bravery, and the self-belief that is required to walk away and seek a brighter future.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #wilhelm young royals #my meta #my crip media reviews #this turned out to be very long thank you if you read it all

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fattybattysblog · 10 months ago

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Friend, Please (Chapter 6)

Fandom: Kirby/Kirby Right Back At Ya!

Gen | Teen

Characters: Meta Knight, Dark Meta Knight, Velka | Arcta Knight (OC)

Summary: They should be used to desperate people making horrible decisions by now, but somehow it always goes too far before anyone does anything about it. A person fell prey to the empty promises of dark, powerful hearts to become Arcta Knight. As they make their mark on Dreamland, Meta Knight grows anxious about the encroaching danger and leaves suddenly to prepare for a duel like no other.

AO3 | SqWA | Quotev

Tags: AU - Canon Divergence, Blood and Violence, Swordfighting, Original Villain Character, Gijinka Kirby Characters

@ocappreciationtag

(Cover art done by Dean, edited together by me)

False Knight

Correspondence from the remaining former opponents came quickly after Dark’s video call. They would be arriving soon. Meta Knight was thankful they were so willing to meet with him, even if they wouldn’t be joining him on the journey itself. He had his reservations about Dark’s cooperation, but the danger that rogue posed was too great to let it worry him for too long.

His encounter with Arcta Knight played in his head again. Every moment of silence was plagued with her cutting tone and the smell of blood. Meta Knight tried to shake it off, but it wasn’t easy. There was too much he didn’t know and it stuck to him.

Who was she? And who did she work for? Getting rid of her was first in his mind, but the anxious pricking behind his temple couldn’t drop the concern of her employer. He wasn’t sure what was the higher priority. Surely something he could sort out once Magolor arrived. And, though he didn’t have much trust in Marx, he at least knew where they could find the Galactic Nova for another Knight to assist them.

He would have to await the Lor Starcutter before he could do anything off planet, assuming Arcta Knight wasn’t simply hiding out on Popstar. In the meantime, Meta would travel to the sky to free Dark from the Dimensional Mirror. It still rested in that odd, dreamlike place high above Dreamland. Left as an abandoned prison for the warrior that dared to challenge him in the name of a master long since defeated.

Meta Knight returned to the balcony, casting one last glance at the land ahead before turning his gaze to the pinkish cotton in the sky. His cape was, once more, replaced by his wings The wings of a Knight were powerful and agile. Capable in battle for both offense and defense.

He took off into the sky, barreling towards the Central Circle where the Dimensional Mirror stood. He flew fast, his wings tearing through the wind as he climbed high through the clouds. Finally, he burst through the ground and rose above the grand mirror, dropping down onto the platform before it.

Abandoned. Covered in the dust and damage of their scuffle from long ago with no one bothering to care for it. The Dimensional Mirror’s surface was empty despite the figure standing before it. Meta froze. How did she get here without his knowledge? So close to the castle and completely under his radar.

Arcta tilted her head at the empty glass. Without a word, she reached out to it and lightly touched her gloved fingertips to the surface. The glass shimmered, gradually reflecting her, Meta, and the heavenly surroundings.

“Strange… I don’t recognize you.” Arcta muttered. Meta Knight grimaced, his expression hidden to her. The lights behind her mask shifted, catching him in the mirror. Though his reflection was uncanny. De-saturated. She squinted at it, curious.

“Nor you.”

“How did you know about this place?” Meta narrowed his eyes. The mirror was merely a fable to the people of Popstar. Though those in Dreamland knew of it and the miracles it once could accomplish, surely someone outside wouldn’t know it’s existence. A part of Meta refused to believe a monster could come from his planet.

“It’s odd. Though I know it’s me, it’s hard to believe it.” She said, choosing to ignore his question. He studied her, carefully stepping forward. His wings remained exposed, folded behind him.

“Becoming a Knight is like warping a reflection… surely it’s you, but there’s something small. Something wrong. Do you ever notice it? How you’ve changed to be some… noble hero,” Arcta tilted her head ever so slightly, “do you ever recall the past you left behind? When we weren’t Knights?”

“You’re no Knight.”

A tense silence fell over them. Arcta’s hand never left the glass. She never turned to him. Meta kept his sword sheathed. It seemed she knew he’d never cut someone down while their back was turned.

A sharp crack broke the silence. Smaller, grittier clicks following close on the sound’s heels. A break split up the middle of the Dimensional Mirror from where Arcta’s hand pressed on the glass. She subtly increased the force in her touch making more gritty clicks, more cracks in the surface. The reflection of Meta Knight split between each of the, now separated, mirrors. But one of them was that off, uncanny ghost she kept her eyes on. He seemed panicked, but no voice escaped the glass.

Meta swiftly drew Galaxia and leaped over her to put himself between her and the mirror. Arcta simply stepped back from it, drawing her own blade in return.

“I’m not letting you escape this time.” Meta said. He slashed at her, catching her blade and putting all the force he could muster behind his push. Arcta’s arm shook, struggling to handle his attempt to subdue her.

He beat his wings, adding to his push. She never opened hers. That only solidified Meta’s assertion. A true Knight would have wings bestowed upon them once they finished their training and achieved the coveted title.

As if to show his own pair off, he beat them harder, casting wisps of clouds to whip up around them. Meta grit his teeth.

“Do you ever think about the past?” Arcta grunted, using both hands to face his force.

“Shut up!”

Arcta’s eyes glinted and she growled. The violet lights appeared to burn as her arms steadied. From her fur-lined cape spread a set of white, feathered wings. The force of their appearance knocked Meta off balance and she shoved him back.

Meta was stunned, blinking in incredulity at the feathers that floated down around them.

“Wh—“

“You seem surprised,” Arcta’s voice darkened, her wings shuddering as she rolled her shoulders. She unclasped her cape, tossing it aside and out of the way. Meta found that unusual. Wings, but they’re not related to her cape.

“Illegitimate. Just like your title.” Meta said, steadying himself.

“That’s all you care about.” She huffed. The frustration in her voice traveled down her arm and to her sword, gripped tight and sturdy. She launched at him, her wings pulled close to her body. He braced for her attack. Her wings snapped open and she leaped over him, aiming for the cracked glass.

Meta darted into the way. Their slashes glanced off of each other’s blades and sent sparks flying. Arcta flew up again to bring her weight crashing down on him. He followed her into the air, climbing high above the land of clouds.

Their wings beat in unison as they climbed. Arcta attempted to deter him with infrequent arctic attacks. Blocks and daggers of ice sent hurtling down at him as he followed her. He was agile, weaving and dodging the magic projectiles without breaking a sweat. She grimaced, bringing down her sword once he finally reached her.

Their swords met with every strike. No matter where Meta aimed, she was there to deflect him and for her the same. She was formidable. At any distance he attempted to put between them, she would send sharpened spears of ice after him and the mirror. Protecting both himself and the fragile glass was difficult.

Luckily, Meta had some magic of his own.

He sliced at her, keeping close to discourage her magic. She was quick to catch his blade. Closing his wings around himself, he vanished from her sight. Arcta blinked and searched for him with her wing beats becoming more frantic.

Meta appeared behind her, slamming the hilt of Galaxia into her and sending her careening for the ground below. She snapped her wings open, catching herself before she could crash and landing with some difficulty.

“Damn you.” She growled through grit teeth.

Meta glared at her from his position far above. The sun at his back blinded Arcta, forcing her to squint against the assault on her sense. She would have this ability herself, if she were worthy.

She straightened, her wings opening wide. Arcta raised her hand overhead, holding a palm out to Meta. The air chilled instantly, his breath coming out in white fog. His eyes widened and he turned just in time, breaking one large shard of ice before it could reach him. Two more formed from the freezing air and hurtled straight for him.

The ice exacerbated the light. She couldn’t aim as well as she had hoped. But the projectiles were large enough that they should manage fine a little off target. Close enough that his warp trick would take too long. While he was distracted with those, she approached the mirror.

The ice shattered high above, crashing into each other and scattering debris across the ground. Arcta Knight took her blade in both hands and drove her blade into the glass.

As the tip of the sword approached the cracked glass, the space warped in between her and the mirror. Meta materialized in the path of her strike, grabbing the base of the metal with his gauntlet, stopping the sword from progressing further.

The remaining length of her weapon found itself nestled into his torso where the armor was regretfully absent. A slight darkening in the cloth gave way to a welling of red blood that spilled over the sharpened edge.

Arcta paused.

They stood silently for a moment before she retrieved her sword and stepped away from him, staring at it. Her gaze flickered from the stain on her weapon to the wound in his body. There was a tremble in her wings as she retreated from him, gathering up her cape and stepping off of the clouds, vanishing beneath the heavenly ground.

(Previous Chapter) | (Next Chapter)

#battyfics #fanfic #oc #original character #kirby fanfic #kirby #tw blood #tw death #fanfiction #ocappreciation #kirby right back at ya #ao3

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elfwoodfae · 4 years ago

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“Slow” Harrison Eo Wells x reader

Author’s note: This is pure smut no plot or anything, thank you so much to @harrisonwellsisdaddy for giving this wings and to everyone in discord who feeds the thirst trap.

WARNING: Smut. Please don’t read if under 18.

Gif credits to the owner, I found this one on google.

Rain poured from the sky as he carried you, speeding you to a safe place. It had gone horribly wrong. The plan was for you to leave before he had let the meta-human out of the cell, but of course you had come back and had ended up caught up in the mix. Luckily it was a minor injury, a sprained wrist from being thrown against a wall, but even if you were some sort of an inconvenience, it was on him that you had gotten hurt.

You were still jittery and nervous around him, ever since finding out who he really was. Obviously he had threatened you to shut your mouth up but even as he hated to admit it the look of terror and the tears in your eyes that day had touched him. Before you had found out about him, you had gone on a date, the two of you. He didn’t want to, he tried to shrug you off but you were so persistent and so sweet to him that he had ended up agreeing, there had been sexual tension between both of you, with you always admiring who Harrison Wells was and him being alone for so long and trying to keep you on check had made him grow fond of you. Of course all of that went to hell when you discovered him.

Once he made it through the door with you in his arms he laid you in his sofa, you were soaking wet and he was trying to check your injury. After wrapping your wrist up you had tried to leave, but he wasn’t having it, you were to stay put until that meta-human was caught again.

“Is there anything you need?” He asked as he observed you.

“Since you are planning to keep me here, can I please have a shower? I am cold and uncomfortable.” You told him, avoiding his gaze as you had done since finding out.

Guiding you to the very luxurious bathroom, he handed you a black sweater of his to wear while your clothes dried. His bathroom was huge, a glass panel shower and very extravagant mirror on the walls. He probably loved looking at himself.

After getting cleaned up and drying yourself you grabbed the sweater. It was long enough to cover your ass and fall right before your knees, and loose enough to be comfortable. Opening the door he was right in front of it, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

He took you in, the way his clothes fitted you, your bare legs and the way your checks warmed up. Guiding you back to the sofa he reapplied the bandage to your arm, he sat in the end of the sofa, while you laid across it, the fireplace was lighted up to warm you up. Your feet grazed his lap and by instinct you tried to retract them away from him but he was faster and grabbed them, moving them over his lap while looking at the fire, his expression unreadable.

Out of boredom his fingers started caressing your leg, rubbing up and down, never going farther away than your knee. Turning on your back so you could look at him you spoke for the first time in a while without him having to prompt you.

“I wish I hadn’t found out, I am sure we could have been great together, I wanted it to work so bad.”

“I wish you hadn’t either. I didn’t want you, I didn’t want to go out with you, I knew it would only complicate things. But you were so pushy, so sweet and I couldn’t refuse you.” He said still looking at the fire.

“You weren’t supposed to find out like this. Ever since that date we had you became stuck in my mind, I would observe you, wondering how I could have allowed you to screw up my plans so easily.” He finished.

“I always wondered what it would have felt like to kiss you.” In a moment of bravery you admitted. “I wondered how soft your hair was, or how you smelled, but none of that matters now.” You finish looking away to the fire.

Why did you had to tell him that, it was stupid to admit now, suddenly shame came over you and you wished you could just crawl under a bed and hide. Even if he was evil and twisted you still liked him, he still made you nervous and jittery.

His eyes trailed to your form, taking in the way your head was looking to the side, you jawline defined with the light of the fire and your neck exposed as your chest fell and rose softly. He moved your legs out of the way, and as if by instinct, as if a force beyond himself was moving him by command he started to crawl over you. Your head snapped in his direction as your knee lifted up to his abdomen to stop him out of nerves, forgetting that there was no underwear under your shirt. His eyes flickered for half a second down as a smirk played on his lips. Quickly you pushed the sweater down again in case anything had been revealed.

“What are you doing?” You questioned him warily.

“What does it seem like I’m doing?” He replied, moving his hands up your knee to grab it and move it to the side.

His arms came at either side of your head, the space cramped in the sofa. He wasn’t thinking straight and neither were you, but as you looked into his eyes and yours flickered to his lips only one thought crossed your mind.

He moved his lips to yours, softly, tasting you and seeing if you would push him away. Breaking the kiss he moved back, only for your hand to shoot up to his hair and bring him back down again. Kissing him deeply this time, he ran his tongue flat against your lips, asking you to open your mouth. He tasted all of you, exploring you, while his hand rested on your thighs. His lips moved to your jawline, kissing and moving down your neck, leaving love marks and sucking on the skin, making you moan while he bit into it, rubbing his tongue over it after.

He was making you a moaning mess under him, your skin was warm and the way it tasted was driving him insane. He wanted to touch more of you, to feel you. But the moment his hands moved up your thighs his body couldn’t contain the excitement anymore, making him vibrate all of him like the first time he had become a speedster, every cell in his body too excited to be contained, his eyes illuminated red for a second at the same time thunder roared through the sky, making you open your eyes and push your hand against his chest, your heart beating out of your chest.

He was moving too fast, your mind had been able to trick you into thinking that this was the man you knew but the moment he vibrated and his eyes illuminated you were aware who he really was, what he represented and what he could do.

“I’m sorry I just,” you didn’t even know why you were apologizing, but you didn’t want to push him away. You just needed him to go slower.

“Can you,” you swallowed avoiding his eyes. “Can you just take it slower?” You finished while avoiding his eyes.

“Are you sure?” He was making sure you were okay with this, he could be a lot of things but he would never force you into something you didn’t want.

“Yes I am, I am just nervous, I honestly never thought this situation would happen.” You continued and to prove him you were serious you slowly moved his head back down to kiss him.

The hand on your thigh remained still while his lips kissed you softly, moving slowly down your neck again, kissing and nipping at the skin. His other hand tangled in your hair while his forearm held him up over you. He ran his tongue up your neck to your ear, biting the earlobe softly, making you squirm under him and moan at the feeling. He took his time working you to relax, kissing your lips, your neck, making you forget what plagued your mind.

Your hands moved over his abdomen to the hem of his shirt, running them under you could feel his skin, the muscles of his abdomen tensing up at the effort of holding him up. You grabbed on the hem of it and moved it up his body, signaling for him to take it off. He lifted himself momentarily off of you and removed it, moving back down to kiss you, when his mouth left yours and he moved to your neck you opened your eyes to admire his shoulder and his back, from this angle you could see the curve of his ass through his pants.

Your hands ran down his back, feeling his skins, his muscles, while the hand on your thigh started to move up, slowly as he worked harder on your neck. His fingers felt the softness of your skin, moving higher until they reached your hip. Once his fingers grazed over your hip bone, the realization that you didn’t have any underwear on made his cock twitch in his pants as a growl escaped him against your skin. His hand moved up the side of your stomach, until it reached your breast, squeezing it softly and grinding his hips into you out of pure need to feel you, to get some relief. He was making you a mess but he was a mess himself, desperate for some friction.

His hand moved back down, grabbing the hem of the sweater and lifting it over your body, exposing you completely to him. He threw the piece of clothe somewhere behind you and moving back down to kiss you, his mouth running lower to your breast, kissing the soft skin of one while his hand caressed the other, you were so soft, so delicious. He was going to explode in his pants if he didn’t go inside of you soon.

Your hands found the button of his pants, opening them slowly. His hand helped yours to remove his pants, getting his briefs out of the way too letting his cock free. He kissed you while his hand moved to your thigh, running up to your ass, squeezing it roughly and opening your leg to fit himself in between, he was too desperate to wait much longer, his hand moving down to feel you, the moment his fingers grazed your entrance and felt how wet you were he almost came.

Moving his cock to your entrance he moved it through your folds, letting you soak his head before he positioned it against your entrance, pushing slowly to let you adjust since he hadn’t stretched you beforehand with his fingers. When he was halfway inside he broke the kiss, growling into your mouth at the way you squeezed him, making his whole self vibrate of pure pleasure.

Your hands grabbed onto his shoulders, scratching down his back when he was fully inside of you, scratching him down while you took a moment to adjust to his size. He started moving slowly, going almost all the way out before thrusting back in again, making you moan and move your head back, he felt so good and full. His hand found your leg and he hooked it over his hip, giving him a better angle to enter you.

His hand rested on your waist, holding you in place while you squirmed under him, his half lidded eyes taking in your face as you moaned for him, it was taking all of him not to snap his hips against yours at full speed and fuck you into oblivion, he shouldn’t want to come this fast into it but you were maddening him. He moved to your neck, kissing you and marking your skin, making you get closer, while he speeded up his movement, holding your leg higher up his hip and squeezing it harshly. His body started to vibrate, not being able to contain the excitement of his fast approaching orgasm and every time his hips connected to yours the vibrations would go straight to your clit, making you arch your back into him. You were close, so close, feeling the knot tightening up in your stomach.

He felt himself about to come, moving deeper as his hip connected to yours, feeling you tighten around him as your orgasm hit you, making him feel impossibly tight. His hand moved to your chin, keeping you in place as he watched you come, your eyes half lidded staring into his red glowing eyes as he tried to keep his face from breaking down while he came, failing miserably as he came deep inside of you, closing his eyes and opening his mouth while throwing his head back.

Once out of your high he switched you, letting you lay on top of him while he played with your back, both of you looking at the fire while you grew sleepy, soon falling asleep on his chest.

#harrison eo wells x reader #harrison eo wells fanfic #harrison wells x reader #eowells fanfic #harribard fanfic #eobard thawne fanfic #eowells smut #harrison wells smut #reverse flash #eobard thawne x reader fanfic #eobard thawne smut #eowells x reader #harrison wells x y/n

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madame-mimsy · 4 years ago

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Theory Behind the Reward Tier Levels in Janus’ Corridor.

Has someone done this, already? Probably. But nothing says mental exhaustion like procrastinating on schoolwork by over analyzing the levels of tiers in Janus’ Corridor of Stored Rewards.

So with the release of the amazing art by James von Hollen (@ignoreitforever on Instagram) of each of the tiers (and the honestly delightfully terrifying images of Janus ripping through a wall like the Shining), I’ve had some thoughts on what the levels mean in relation to them because I am a Fander and we cannot leave well enough alone gdi.

See, at first I liked the idea going around that Janus was just giving tiers based on people he liked, as he’s stated that he prefers Remus over the others in livestreams. But the thing is, he obviously does NOT like Virgil, so that doesn’t quite fit to me. And the idea that it’s just giving preferential treatment to the Dark Sides made sense to me, until the new images came out and we had padlocks galore.

Instead, my theory is that each tier is based on how deep into the secrets he’s promised in his Corridor you go. The further along the more he WANTS to keep them secret, and thus the more money it takes, meta-wise, to pry those secrets loose, and why there is no Janus level tier. There’s no way he’d want to reveal everything he knows, no matter the amount. He (Janus) even got downright angry when people tried bugging him for spoilers in streams.

So instead he has the tiers listed by how willing he is to make that Side “public” or not. (Longwinded theory under the cut)

So first we have the Logan tier: the Federal Education Budget

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From the Snake’s Own Mouth:

“Ohhh, so you decided to share with us? Then, I suppose I can share with you.”

Honestly, this startled me because of the fact that it looks so arcane and mystical, which doesn’t match how I imagine Logan at all. My friend @onnastik pointed out that the creature on the right, surrounded by sigils, is the demon Baur, who among other things is said to “teach natural and moral philosophy, (and) logic...” which fits the bill pretty perfectly.

Speaking of a bill, the name for the tier fits Logan perfectly, too, to me. The Federal Education Budget is not only the budget used in the American system to make sure kids have free education until the highschool level, but is also part of the college loan system. It signifies public education, and that’s why I feel that Logan is the lowest, and thus most accessible, tier. Janus considers him bland, safe for public consumption, and maybe even wants to put up a front of logical intelligence first and foremost, to make even the broadest view of Thomas seem as intelligent as possible.

And look at how much the basic tier gives! That’s a huge amount for just the lowest tier, and gives you plenty to enjoy. That fits the ideal of something like a broad education system, and gives a very open feel. Logan’s tier is literally an “Open Book” of all sorts of delights.

And with that horrible pun, we move to Patton’s tier: The Monthly Allowance.

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From the Snake’s Own Mouth:

“That not enough for you? Fine. I'll give you everything from that last tier, PLUS...”

For all that it is creepy as heck, the fact that Patton’s tier is also a pun is perfect. The candles heat must surely make this... heartwarming. And the addition of blooper reels in the rewards, and the commentary, feel more personal than Logan’s open tier. Which is why I don’t think Patton was the first tier.

Patton wears his heart on his sleeve too much for Janus’ tastes, I bet. All of those emotions just out there where anyone could see? Those bloopers that showcase how imperfect Thomas and the crew are? Yikes. That is definitely something a certain snek wouldn’t want to be the most public option, though, at the same time, Patton’s gentle qualities and general love of the fandom also mean he’s a good symbol to push closer to the front of the Corridor, and doesn’t need to be as hidden as some of the others.

Also the fact that Patton’s tier has a sticker as a reward is absolutely perfect and you can’t tell me otherwise. Can’t you just imagine him going “Thank you so much, kiddo! Let’s watch some bloopers and play with sticker books! I’ll get the cocoa”? He’s the good goofy dad and stickers are fun. Bloopers and being silly are fun. It’s perfect for the sweet lad.

Then we have the illustrious Roman’s tier: A Prince’s Ransom.

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From the Snake’s Own Mouth:

“You want more? Really?? … You can only half tell, but I’m blushing over the fact that we’re worth this much to you. How about, everything in that last tier AND...”

Hooo boi there’s suddenly a lot more to unpack here. This is in no way an insult to the lovely Crew as a whole, but doesn’t it feel like this tier has more bribery going on than the last two? More self-centered reasons to join? It’s not just your name in the credits like Patton offered: it’s your name as a writer. That T-shirt (which I 100% leaped at when I saw this because holy heck it’s so pretty), and of course the mysterious Writer’s Room.

This tier feels very creative as well: look at all the stuff about influencing the show, the art of the shirt, etc. This is all about being showy and creative like our wonderful prince. But it’s not the first tier, even though Thomas is very much a creator. Why? Why is the tier for the showiest, flashiest Side just randomly tucked in the middle, not even the highest for show?

Because Janus doesn’t want Roman to be the first thing everyone sees. Our sweet boy is definitely eye-catching, but he can also be vain to the point of pompous, even annoying. And his fragile ego isn’t something that Janus likely wants to show off. Janus’ statement about “blushing” and “being worth that much to you” even feels like it matches that pride and ego.

And that fragility is in the crown’s design, too. At first glance it seems fine. Very fantastic, with Roman’s sun symbol in lovely display. But a longer look reveals cracks, broken sections and fissures. And a slight, odd green shine, too. Hmm.

No, Roman couldn’t be made the first tier because of his pride, but his is also the last tier to not have any outright locks on it...

The Strange Dark Son’s tier: OK, Now You’re Making Me Feel Guilty...

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From the Snake’s Own Mouth:

“PLEASE, don’t give us any more money! I don’t know what we could possibly do with it! But alright… since I like you, you can have everything in the last tier, and I'LL THROW IN...”

“Now you’re making me feel guilty” is absolutely what I would expect Virgil to think about someone giving him money because they enjoyed Thomas’ content. He’d freak out, and want to make sure to do something equally nice in return, to say thank you. Hence the thank-you video.

NGL I can also imagine him panicking and rushing around his room to pick up a random mug and just thrust it out at the gifter in return too, before hiding away in an anxious mess, but anyway. xD

The artwork for this seems to very much be in homage to the Annabelle Doll: a supposedly haunted ragdoll, kept locked in a case at an occult museum.

Something interesting about this doll’s story, though...

Wiki: “According to the Warrens, a student nurse was given the doll in 1970. They said that the doll behaved strangely, and that a psychic medium told the student that the doll was inhabited by the spirit of a deceased girl named "Annabelle". The student and her roommate tried to accept and nurture the spirit-possessed doll, but the doll reportedly exhibited malicious and frightening behavior.”

Huh. Who else do we know that when confronted with too much coddling responds by lashing out?

And this is the first tier with a lock. The glass is chipped (from inside or out?) but the lock is holding. The doll is inert and doesn’t seem likely to do anything unless disturbed, if it matches the original story. Which seems to fit Virgil relatively well. Sure, he’ll make you anxious (maybe those cracks are where the influence leeches free), but doesn’t seem intent on outright harm. Also the cracks and the creepy living doll cabinet as a whole made me think of spider webs and our boi’s Halloween decor, so I thought that was excellent, honestly.

This tier is hidden behind Roman’s shining pomp. It’s outright locked away, as if to keep it from seeing the light of day. The Dark Side tiers both seem this way: hidden from prying eyes by the splendor of the first few tiers.

And the most hidden one of all... Gross Profit.

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From the Snake’s Own Mouth:

“Oh you bougie rascal, you! Your generosity is seen and I truly thank you for it… but a few kind words from me aren't enough, I'm sure... so how about, you get everything from the last tier ALONG WITH...”

Firstly we have exclusive tier level gifts that Janus won’t even reveal. Meta-wise, this is likely more because the team has to decide what those gifts ARE, and how to safely ship them, but the way it sounds in the description not only feels super secretive, but also very much like Remus to me, as well. I’m pretty sure any and all gifts from him are a surprise in some way. Whether that is pleasant is debatable, but it’s still a surprise!

The highest tier also looks to have the highest security. Look at that sturdy, metal bound chest and huge padlock. Not only that but it also has chains wrapped around it to hold it shut, and even then, the contents are actively seeking to escape, like our delightful trashman would. Even the shuggoth-like appearance matches his presence as a shifting, terrifying and likely quite gloopy entity, capable of squeezing even where he’s not wanted. Even the green fabric below looks stained with mud or blood or something equally as upsetting. The image does a great job of showing how hard it is to contain Intrusive Thoughts, as a whole, and is likely a main reason Janus drinks so much “juice” on his birthdays.

Unlike the last image, this one is outright trying to break containment, and oddly, it almost seems like someone left a golden key in easy reach for just that purpose... A key which also looks rather oddly shaped, to me.

It’s hard to tell from the angle, but it doesn’t look like the eye is a simple circle, but that it has a point, like a heart almost. Or even the ornate letter D from the Corridor logo?

I can’t be sure of that, but what I can definitely be sure of is the sheer amount of lock, key, and chain symbolism our Snekky Fren has to his name.

While Janus has no tier, the entire SITE has his symbol, like a brand.

Every post, the icon, the about page, it’s there. And the snake isn’t trapped by the lock, but guarding it. It looks to have a green highlight around where a chip is (hmm), but other than that, it looks quite solid, and well-guarded by watchful creatures that never blink.

The shape of the lock looks like it could be heart-shaped as well, like that golden key allowing the Remus tentacles to wriggle free.

They also do a heckin blep and honestly what could possibly be better?

So yeah, that’s my way overly long ramble about the tier levels and what I think they mean. Maybe if I’m not too lazy I’ll do one on the pictures of Janus playing peekaboo with my nightmares on the about page.

God but this art is amazing and y’all need to go preesh the artist holy heck.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #Patreon art theory #I have no life and therefore must preesh good art #janus sanders

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Ultimatum”

Welcome back, everyone! We had an unexpected break last week due to the horror going on in Texas. I'm glad we did. Not because of any salty "RWBY is bad right now yay free Saturday" feelings, but because keeping to a schedule for a fictional webseries should never take precedence over peoples' safety. I can't believe I need to type that sentence out, but it's true! Over the last seven days I've seen fans who are not merely disappointed by the mini hiatus (understandable) but outright hostile towards the crew because they... were ensuring everyone survived during an unprecedented emergency? Yeah. Given the highly critical nature of these recaps — including today's! — I want to be clear that my thoughts towards Rooster Teeth's creative choices are distinct from any thoughts about the crew itself, including the most basic forms of compassion like, “I sure hope everyone is okay over there.” In an age where it has become horrifically common to harass creators and even send them death threats over stories, it has likewise become necessary to remind people: Don't do that shit. Never do that shit. If I can teach anyone anything at all, let it be that!

Anyway, dark fandom reminders out of the way, let's dive straight into our delayed episode. It was certainly a doozy. Titled "Ultimatum," we open on a trigger warning for flashing lights. Good on Rooster Teeth for including that, though I do wonder if creators shouldn't be including time stamps as well? Or perhaps a note that you can find those time stamps in the credits, avoiding any (minor) spoilers for everyone else? I'm not photosensitive myself, so I certainly don't mean to speak for that group, but my first thought was, "So how would I watch this episode if I was? Hand on the pause button, hoping I stop fast enough as soon as the lights start?" Hard to do given the surprise nature of the scene. Really, my answer would be, "Wait for the fandom to post warnings of their own, likely including where it happens so I know when to skip" which is perhaps an indication that this information that should be included from the get-go.

But I am glad the warning exists, regardless. The episode itself begins with a shot of Ironwood looking down at the kingdom. He's used his windows as a vantage point since Volume 7, so that's nothing new, but something about this particular shot reminded me of Ozpin, looking down from his tower. I'm sure the response from many would be simply, "Ah yes, the two power hungry dictators watching over their victims," but I think there's a much more nuanced reading here about leaders being expected to fix the literally unfixable and what that responsibility does to an individual. Of course, it's a nuance that is absolutely obliterated by the episode’s end, but the implication existed for a hot second!

Two other soldiers are in the room with Ironwood, reporting that Cinder has helped Watts escape. They try to soften this with news that they still have Jacques in custody, but receive only a, "I don't give a damn about Jacques Schnee." Which, fair. He's pretty useless at this point. It's when Ironwood learns that both Qrow and Robin escaped too that he really gets mad, something his subordinates have been expecting given their scared expressions.

Now, I'm treading lightly here because I realize how this is going to sound given the end of our episode, but I still want to note that outside of that ending... this is a weird take? Just hear me out. Since Volume 7 the show has worked very hard to make Ironwood seem scary and unstable — bad setup for what we end with today — but the problem is that none of it works in context and it certainly doesn't work when compared to other characters' actions. They are literally in the midst of an unwinnable battle and thousands of his people are dying. If the audience wants a human being — who also just lost a limb and was betrayed by half his allies — o remain perfectly poised and polite during that, sorry, but that's not how human beings work. But even beyond this, what’s the message here? Ironwood raises his voice, so does Yang. Ironwood hits his desk, Qrow hits a child. If we're going to examine how Ironwood handles his stress and anger, he often handles it better than many of our heroes. Namely, by continually taking that anger out on inanimate objects. I kept waiting for him to attack his subordinates or attack Winter this episode, especially given where we end up, but it never came. Ironwood always has enough control to break the desk or punch the wall, not the person in front of him. Which, of course, would not be a good thing in the real world. I want to be clear given these sensitive subjects that if someone is breaking things in your presence that's a major problem to address. But this isn't the real world. This is a fantasy world in the middle of a war, populated by other characters who express their anger by punching people, slamming them into walls, or screaming at them until they run away. The story wants us to fear Ironwood long before he makes his objectively horrific choices and it tries to achieve that by showing us characters who are clearly terrified in his presence, by giving us a string of broken objects in his wake. But those details don't land well when we compare them to other instances of stress. In the same volume I have watched Ironwood take a deep breath to calm himself down when things have gone horribly wrong. I've also watched Weiss start a conversation by threatening her defenseless brother. So again, what’s the message here? It can’t be that acting violently towards someone = villainous behavior because, as established since Volume 6, that’s common for the heroes. Why are these subordinates terrified about Ironwood slamming his fist on a table, but Whitley has no problem hugging the woman who threatened him? Obviously there is a HUGE difference between our main group and Ironwood when it comes to other actions (cough-bomb threats-cough), but these day-to-day moments don't match up. The show wants to use violence as a way for us to easily identify the Bad Guy while ignoring all the times when our heroes do the same thing.

All of which isn't meant to be a defense of Ironwood. As we'll see in a bit, there is no defense for what he's done. Rather, it's a way of acknowledging just how badly he's been written. Why does a man who consistently reins in his anger and takes it out on objects suddenly shoot a councilman for literally no reason? Why does a man defined by wanting to save as many people as he can suddenly threaten to bomb his city? Ironwood's characterization is all over the place, in the sense that they keep writing him as the morally gray, sometimes harsh, but ultimately compassionate man he started out as... up until they need a villain. Salem isn't here yet, so Ironwood can shoot Oscar. Salem isn't attacking yet, so Ironwood can shoot the councilman. Salem is currently reforming, so Ironwood can threaten YJR and Mantle. He's the B-plot villain whenever Salem is out of commission, which is a problem for both their characterizations. This filler doesn't make sense for Ironwood and it severely undermines the threat of Salem. You finally introduce the Magical Big Bad and our heroes are facing more of a threat from a guy with a broken army and three loyal allies left? Hmmm.

The tl;dr is that Ironwood's arc is a disaster and, frankly, it's gotten old reading simplified takes of, "It's just a realistic look at what white U.S. men will do in power sweetie :) " RWBY does not have the context capable of conveying that sort of critical take because our world is not besieged by literal monsters and an immortal witch, to say nothing of how real life good guys do not get deus ex machina canes that fix the problem instantaneously. Ironwood is not an example of anti-U.S. imperialism, he's an example of writers who don't know how to write.

Anyway, I'm getting severely off topic. Obviously Ironwood is a major part of this episode, but the problems demonstrated here are two years in the making. This is the culmination of things I've been discussing for months across hundreds of posts... so I should probably stop trying to summarize it all in a few paragraphs lol. Perhaps when RWBY is over — or Ironwood has died — I'll do a single meta on his character, try to pull everything into one, unified argument.

For now though, we have an episode to analyze.

While Ironwood is receiving this news we get flashbacks to Qrow and Robyn. Qrow attacks a soldier in his bird form, which is hilarious. Someone GIF that please. It does raise some interesting questions about this magic though: does Qrow retain his aura and strength in this form (something I thought given his choice to transform during the explosion), or was that soldier just so shocked at being attacked by a crow that he went down easy? We'll never know, because that would require establishing concrete rules for this world. The point is Qrow is going feral in his freedom, throwing punches left and right — did he kill that guard? — while Robyn watches it all from under a rock. They're apparently still somewhere in the facility since all the exits are guarded, but that's not the good thing Ironwood seems to think it is. After all, Qrow is out to murder him. He wants to be there.

We all see where this is going, right? The show is going to ignore Qrow's crazy belief that Ironwood got Clover killed in favor of a "Qrow saved Mantle by murdering Ironwood"/“Qrow got revenge for Mantle by murdering Ironwood” ending. Who cares why Qrow wanted to kill him in the first place now that Ironwood has his finger on the trigger? If RWBY is good at anything, it's writing moments that encourage you to ignore everything that came before it. We'll be seeing more of that in just a bit.

"Damn it!" Ironwood yells, because the show is leaning into its cursing. He orders that the subordinates not return until "you have Qrow Branwen in custody." Here we have another great example of the show conflating what the audience knows with what other characters know. See, we know Qrow has a vendetta against Ironwood. We know their relationship is the important one to the story and that Robyn is incidental. Ironwood doesn't know that. There's no reason for him, as a character, to specify that they only bring Qrow back, but it makes sense for the audience who has the whole, thematic picture. Our understanding of the situation is influencing Ironwood's dialogue, which is... not great.

This entire scene we've had creepy music to hammer home just how evil Ironwood is. Except, as said, he takes a breath to calm down and the music fades. Instead of flying into a rage, hurting someone, or doing anything the music suggests he might, Ironwood calmly calls in for an update — which is when the explosion hits.

It's MASSIVE, seeming to originate from a lightning strike, which is weird, since it's coming from inside the whale, but whatever. The animation is very dramatic and pretty, as we've come to expect of RWBY, but the actual plot is lackluster at best. It's funny though because I thought for a hot second, when Winter and the Ace Ops were caught in the blast, that RWBY had actually done something exciting. I mean, holy shit! There are the deaths we expect from a battle like this. My god, what is everyone going to do when they realize that Oscar's needless attack took out five characters, including Weiss' sister —

No wait, never mind. They're fine.

Let's talk about that "needless" descriptor for a moment though. Do you all remember, two weeks ago, when I went, "Hey, why isn't anyone telling Oscar that that Ace Ops are approaching with a bomb? They're on a time limit! If someone would just mention that Very Important Information then Oscar wouldn't keep standing around to fight Salem." See, at the time I was frustrated because of how the plot was needlessly allowing Oscar to put himself in danger (especially when the whole point of this mission was to rescue him). Now, I'm frustrated because that same plot needlessly wasted the most powerful weapon the group had. There was no reason for Oscar to use literal lifetimes worth of stored energy when the heroes already had a bomb to do the same job! What was the point of that? I guess he took out the other grimm too, but without the whale that still would have been a challenge with a finite end, one Ironwood's army and the remaining huntsmen should have been able to handle. It doesn't feel justified to have Oscar use a weapon kept on the bench for lifetimes when there was another option literally minutes away.

There's so much wrong with this I need another list. So:

Ozpin's cane supposedly stores kinetic energy, which may contradict what we've seen from it before. Regardless, we’ve never heard about this. The all powerful weapon comes out of nowhere

It also begs the question of why Ozpin wouldn't use that power at Beacon and why he wouldn't insist that they try to get their cane back while captured. You had an out this whole time! But we’re going to ignore that because Oscar is a little hesitant?

Which makes YJR's presence even more useless than it originally was, which was already pretty useless. Oscar essentially rescued himself

This kinetic energy miraculously doesn't hurt any people or buildings, just grimm

So what is the point of Silver Eyes? That's been their MO since they were first introduced. Sure, Silver Eyes can be used far more often than Ozpin's cane, but it still feels like a let down to learn that the Big Secret behind this weapon is... the exact same thing Ruby has been doing for years

Like Ruby, Oscar likewise didn't need any practice or training. He just set off this massive attack perfectly and without issue

We have now eliminated the biggest threat to the cast instantaneously — the whale and the other grimm — with no effort from the rest of the heroes. Like the Hound, the stakes are obliterated with no satisfying work on the part of our protagonists

Instead, as said, the actual plan already in place never happened. The bomb just... goes back. Kind of like how Cinder attacked and then just went back to Salem. Penny woke up and then just got knocked out again. We continue to go in circles

This is because no one took two seconds to tell Oscar, "There's a bomb on the way"

Because this threat is gone the show needs a new one, hence Ironwood randomly threatening Mantle with said bomb

The one way we might have justified Oscar blowing up the whale instead of Winter is if he did it to save Hazel, but Hazel is implied to be dead

Maybe he's alive, but if he's not that happened off screen and we're not sure how. It couldn't have been because of the blast itself — everyone else is fine — so what, Salem somehow killed him before she was blasted to bits? While he was holding her?

And there's no body?

Salem was torn apart multiple times during that fight and reformed instantaneously, yet now, conveniently, she's taking her time

None of the characters mention the issues above. None of them admit that there was no reason for Oscar to waste LIFETIMES worth of power when they already had a solution in the works. Fantastic

I need to take a moment to acknowledge that so far this recap feels... bad. Disjointed. Bit all over the place. Which makes a certain amount of sense because that's where my thoughts are at. There's so much going on in this episode — so much wrong with it — that I don't know how to boil it all down into a few, neat claims. This episode is a mess! We're barely a few minutes in and the combined issues of Ironwood's characterization and Oscar's choice have left me reeling. So if you're still reading this, bless your patience, I think we'll both need it for the rest of this journey.

Let's snag a neater plot-point to discuss. Amidst all the chaos Neo literally skips away with the Lamp, clearly thrilled at how her own life is going. Later in the episode she'll text Cinder with the obvious: Salem is going to be pretty pissed when she realizes this is gone. “If you want her name you know what you owe me."

So wait... what is Neo leveraging here? Is she agreeing to give the Lamp back so Cinder doesn't get in trouble with Salem? Give Salem the password she's been looking for? Or give Cinder the password to use the Lamp for herself? What would Cinder even want the Lamp for when she's after the Maiden powers? I'm confused about what Cinder is being blackmailed with. Regardless, she needs the lamp for something and presumably what she "owes" Neo is Ruby. We get a cut to her just to hammer that home.

(Side note: both pictures of Neo are hilarious.)

Before that though, back at the whale, everyone is taking stock of the situation when Marrow cries, "Hey, they were still in there!" I feel like this is another scene meant to make him look like the one good guy in the group — he cares about YJOR while the others can’t be bothered — but as always, that reading doesn't fit well with the situation as a whole. The others have barely had time to realize they're alive. I don't think it's a moral failing that they didn't instinctually worry about four betrayers, one of whom attacked them, while they're still checking that they have all their limbs intact. Besides, why does Marrow assume they're dead? The Ace Ops were caught in the blast as well, yet miraculously came out unharmed. They clearly didn't set their own bomb off, so it's logical to assume that YJOR did something themselves. It feels weird to have a "Marrow mourns them and Winter is the only other character who cares" moment when everyone is recovering from bomb shock and no one even knows if the others are dead. But, of course, the show is out to portray only two of these characters as good people, so ignore the logic and run with the emotion of the scene.

All of which is bolstered by Elm pulling away when Vine puts a hand on her shoulder. Why is she acting cold towards him now? Because they're not friends, remember?

While we get more ridiculous relationship dynamics, Ironwood calls in and congratulates them on the bomb working, but tells them to get back because they have another problem in the works. That would be Qrow and Robyn. Winter decides to tell him about the bomb in person.

We cut to Watts and Cinder watching the remnants of the blast from a rooftop. Cinder has tried calling, but no one answered. Unsurprising, given that Salem doesn't have any other allies left. Cinder says that the plan hasn't changed, she's still going to take the Winter Maiden's power for herself, and Watts can help her by bringing Penny here. He explains that he doesn't have full control over her. Rather, he implemented a virus that is setting her on a single path: open the vault, then self-destruct. Cinder, as one might expect, is furious.

She snags Watts by her grimm arm and threatens to toss him over the side of the building. Thus begins the best part of the episode, hands down. Despite the danger he's in, Watts throws common sense out the window in favor of dragging Cinder in the most satisfying manner possible.

“You think you’re entitled to everything just because you suffered, but suffering isn’t enough. You can’t just be strong, you have to be smart. You can’t just be deserving, you have to be worthy! But all you have ever been is a bloody migraine!”

It's true! You know what else is true? This speech could apply to our heroes as well. Accusations of entitlement and reminders to be smart as opposed to just strong hit hard, considering those are the same flaws our protagonists are struggling with. The difference is that Cinder, miraculously, listens, pulling Watts back to safety and going to cry by herself. That moment is simultaneously more growth than Ruby has gotten and more sympathy than Ironwood has gotten. The woman who murdered Pyrrha is treated more kindly by the narrative than one of our initial heroes and our very first villain has taken more time to reconsider her choices than our title character. You know a show is falling apart when excellent choices are applied to the worst possible character.

So Cinder is crying while Watts looks guilty and we cut back to YJOR's group post-blast. Yang is finally able to answer a call from Blake who is obviously overjoyed to see her. Weiss gives them directions to the mansion and they ask what in the world they'll do with Emerald, currently on her knees, mourning Hazel.

Thus begins the third most frustrating part of this episode. See, on the way back the group continues the conversation about what to do with Emerald, with Yang and Jaune distrusting her vs. Ren and Oscar encouraging cooperation. I can't believe I'm saying this after's Ren's speech and Oscar's entire existence... but I'm team Jaune and Yang here. Look, what Oscar and Ren say — the literal words coming out of their mouth — is nonsense. Ren goes, “We can’t let all of our actions stem from fear," as if Yang and Jaune are being ridiculous for mistrusting Emerald, one of the established villains, after years worth of harm from her. It’s weird that Yang points to her arm as something Emerald is responsible for, rather than being framed or the deaths at Beacon, but the general sentiment of, “She’s done horrible things!” is true. Ren’s perspective is the same simplification that was applied to Ironwood last volume, wherein everyone acted as if he was crazy for fearing an attack on his kingdom... post an attack on another kingdom and pre an attack on his kingdom. Putting generic lines in Ren's mouth about not being afraid makes him sound willfully ignorant, as if choosing to believe that someone is good will magically make them so, to say nothing of thinking it will erase all the harm they've already done.

Oscar at least acknowledges the difficulty here, but then follows this up with, “You don’t have to forgive her… just give her a second chance."

Oscar, honey, that amounts to the same thing in this situation. Allowing Emerald a second chance means working with her, which means trust, which means emotionally reaching a point where these characters can put aside the harm she's done them in an effort to give her that chance in the first place. This actually ties into a post I saw last night, one I've come across before, that claims redemption arcs don't require any suffering on the part of the person who has done wrong. I agree in theory, that prolonged suffering doesn't help anyone, but the problem is that people tend to conflate suffering with consequences and someone who has done this level of harm should face consequences for their actions. The problem with redemption arcs is not that the bad people suffer too much — emotionally and physically beating on them as a form of revenge — but that the people they've harmed are put into situations like this one. If Yang and Jaune let Emerald go like she suggests, they are agreeing that she doesn't have to face any consequences for the damage she's done (which, keep in mind, involves multiple deaths, not including all the lost lives here in Atlas). If they agree to give her a second chance, they are forced to jump straight to some level of forgiveness. We might claim they don't have to forgive Emerald to work with her, but from a practical perspective how are they meant to function, especially during a warzone? Anything she provides them with — information, watching their back in a fight, undertaking missions, etc. — requires trusting her enough to allow those things to happen: working with that info, letting her protect them, allowing her that responsibility. It's all about trust, trust she has yet to earn. In order for a redemption arc to be successful, the power has to be in the hands of the victims. They need to be able to see some justice for what was done to them, be offered some proof that the person in question has truly changed, and have the ability to walk away if they decide no, I don't forgive you, glad to hear you've improved, but please stay out of my life. Jaune and Yang have none of that. There are currently no systems in place for Emerald to face consequences for her choices, she has offered them no proof of her remorse or true motivations, and the other half of the group is pressuring them to give her that second chance without closure or reassurance. None of that makes for a good redemption arc and reducing that to, "So you want to see poor Emerald suffer, huh?" ignores the suffering she has already caused. The group are her victims and they are under no obligation to give her a second chance, particularly under these circumstances, which makes the story's choice to have Ren and Oscar act like Yang and Jaune are being stubborn or inconsiderate a problem. The conversation boils down to, "Give the woman you know to be a liar, manipulator, murder accomplice, and servant of our enemy a second chance based entirely on unfounded faith. If you don't you're letting yourself be ruled by fear."

RWBY's touchy-feely themes really don't sit well within its realistic, morally gray premise. We cannot continually have these characters go through hell one moment and then have others accuse them of being paranoid the next. The fact that all of this is wrapped up in the group trusting Robyn, Emerald, and Hazel over their established allies remains beyond frustrating.

Because yeah, you know how Oscar finishes his speech? “I’ve already gotten a lot of help today from someone I don’t exactly trust right now." Meaning Ozpin.

The story is trying to compare Emerald and Hazel to Ozpin.

"Oh hey, I kept a secret from you after lifetimes of watching that secret lead to betrayal and death. I keep apologizing for my mistakes while ignoring that I had no reason to trust a bunch of kids with such world-shattering information and also that you tore it from me in the most traumatic way possible."

"Oh hey, I willingly joined our world's version of the devil and helped her destroy your school, leading to numerous deaths including your friend and headmaster. It was his death that put Oscar in this position in the first place! I then continued to attack your group, leading to another near death of a friend, and a kidnapping, and the destruction of Amity, until I became scared enough to make a run for it."

Which one of these characters is granted an instant second chance? You'll never guess who!

And I do think the word "instant" is important here because just like Jaune and Yang have the right to have distance and justice from Emerald, they had that right with Ozpin too. The difference is they got it. They had the power in the situation, as evidenced by their use of the Lamp and physically attacking him. Ozpin heard what they needed from him — leave us alone — and did that without complaint. They were given months to come to terms with the secrets he kept. They were offered apologies and acts of service to demonstrate intent: saving them in the airship and continually saving Oscar. I don't believe Ozpin ever needed a redemption arc, but even if we think he did, he had it. After three volumes of material Oscar's perspective is still "I don't exactly trust [him] right now" but Hazel and Emerald have earned at least the same amount of trust in a matter of hours? They're really having my boy look at the guy who has tried desperately to do right by him despite unimaginable circumstances, and the guy who tortured him to get information for Salem, and went, "That first guy. He's the one we need to watch out for."

To make things even worse, Oscar tells the others that Ozpin took on all the torture so he wouldn't have to. So he did that and they still don't trust him? If you had told me back in Volume 6 that two years later the group would still be hostile towards Ozpin, while simultaneously urging one another to trust Emerald, I would have said you were lying. RWBY has its problems, but it's not that bad. Yet here we are. I suppose the one silver lining here is that Ren smiles when he realizes Ozpin is back? So at least one of them isn't prepared to draw their weapon at the mere mention of his name.

Both these moments raise more questions though. How in the world did Ozpin take on that torture when we clearly saw Oscar getting pummeled for a good portion of the kidnapping? Is that a weird merge thing the story hasn't bothered to explain? I wouldn't be surprised, considering Oscar said last episode he didn't want to use magic because it hastened the merge, he uses the biggest explosion of magic we've ever seen, and nothing has changed. Ozpin is still in the back of his head, thanking him for the tinniest shreds of decency they get. Ren, meanwhile, seems to be back to mindreading. How in the world does he know that Ozpin is back? I assume it has something to do with his semblance, but we don't know what. They could have shown us Oscar from Ren's perspective, perhaps with two distinct emotions swilling around to imply that he sees two different people now, not a useless shot of Emerald with purple flower petals, whatever purple means.

Oh, but no, we shouldn't have gotten either of these scenes. Remember that Ren's aura broke a very, very short time ago? Is it back already? Can he use this part of his semblance without it? Considering it was near impossible to see Ironwood's aura breaking in the Watts fight and we were then mistakenly told he used his semblance in the office, I'm going to go with, "The writers forgot."

Oscar explains that the cane had "lifetime after lifetime" of power in it and though there's still some left, "we have to be careful with how we use the rest." He says that Ozpin trusted his judgement and of course he did! Ozpin also didn’t know that there was a bomb on the way. Yet funnily enough, no one else mentions that, whoops, your choice made in ignorance was a waste and that's due entirely to us prioritizing hugs over basic mission information.

Also, all these explanations take place in front of Emerald. Half the group doesn't trust her, but they'll freely discuss their powers and limitations here. Remember how the group once wanted to talk about magical relics in front of the old lady they'd just met? Yeah, they've learned nothing.

Combine all this insanity with the fact that Ozpin's magic saved the day before Ironwood's bomb could do the same... while Ruby sat in a mansion drinking tea. Who's our hero again?

So things are a hot mess, to put it lightly. Their conversation finally ends when they hear voices and round the corner to find all the Atlas citizens huddled in the subway. For once the show actually writes them in a sympathetic manner, emphasizing how terrified and helpless they are. This image doesn't lead the group to any revelations though, certainly not anything that would tie back to Ren's earlier speech in the snow. No, once again the justified criticisms here are ignored as we hear that “However this fight ends, we could really use someone like you, [Emerald.]” That's it then. Discussion over. We knew as soon as it started that blindly trusting her was being presented as the "right" thing to do and now here we are, deciding that conclusively, despite Jaune and Yang's complaints. By the time the group reaches the mansion, Oscar is defending Emerald from Ruby. We're supposed to just accept that she's a part of the group now, only minimal pushback allowed.

Before that though we return to Ironwood getting news that their bomb never went off. He briefly wonders who else could have done that, but puts the currently unanswerable question aside for what he does know. They still have the bomb and it could be "useful." See, this moment — like shooting Oscar and the councilman — is when Ironwood just randomly goes off the deep end. One minute he's talking about what they've lost and cradling his new arm,

the next he's saying that he should have tortured Qrow to get Penny to obey him! Which doesn't even make sense since I'm pretty sure Penny hasn't ever spoken to Qrow. She wouldn't want anyone to suffer, true, but it's not like Ironwood had a close friend like Ruby to use as leverage. Qrow is just Some Guy to her. Regardless, he thinks Yang, Jaune, and Ren are decent replacements, despite Penny also having no relationships with them. This is what happens when your characters only start breaking up their teams eight years into the story, the response to Ironwood wanting to torture Ren to hurt Penny is, “Does Penny know Ren exists?” But, you know, torture is torture, right? Maybe. Probably not. I mean, if they're going to turn Ironwood into a cartoon villain, they could at least keep him smart.

Because all of this is just the height of stupidity. Ironwood wants to torture people Penny barely knows to make her listen (so just grab some civilians? It would do the same job...). Ironwood wants to shoot down empty ships, even though no one, including us, knows where in the world those ships would have gone. Ironwood wants to destroy an entire city to try and save another city. He wants to use a bomb meant for a comparatively small whale and acts like that alone will take out the majority of a kingdom. None of it makes sense! And I know the easy comeback for that is, "Well yeah, Ironwood is crazy and evil" but he's not. I mean he is. Threatening torture and bombings is obviously evil, but he's never been insane, or stupid. As said before, his arc (or lack thereof) is an absolute disaster. The fandom assumes so many things about Ironwood given the opportunity — the whale is a suicide mission. He expects the Ace Ops to die on his order — and the writing hints at so many things that never happen — he's going to hurt his subordinates, attack Winter for disobeying him — and every time what we actually get is a far more compassionate, level-headed character... until he randomly does a 180 and goes, "Let's murder a whole city now!" I never wanted Ironwood to be the bad guy, but they could have at least given me a persuasive decent into this level of horror.

So... yeah. Ironwood has got to die by the end of the volume, yeah? Between Ruby warning the whole world about him and him going into full villain mode, there's no coming back from this.

Neo sends her text to Cinder and the group makes it back to the mansion. Remember Yang's criticisms of Ruby's leadership? The ones she conveniently forgot about when Ren started to agree with her? Yeah, those are entirely gone as the sisters hug it out and, presumably, forgive one another for... daring to admit that things are bad? Look, I'm not going to deny that Ironwood's scene with Winter was creepy as fuck,

but I'm not of the opinion that the heroes are any better when it comes to the theme of obedience. They've attacked one another, screamed at one another, and any dissent from Ruby's leadership results in the questioner being left behind in the snow. We'll accept you again when you fall back in line. I used to adore the relationships in this show, but watching them now is just discomforting. The show might be 100% more obvious with Ironwood, using creepy music, a smile, and that hand on Winter's shoulder, but the concept of, "Sorry I dared to question you before! We won't ever do it again :)" isn't healthy either. The fact that the show keeps erasing theses problems with hugs — Weiss hugs Whitley now, Yang hugs Ruby, someone will probably hug Emerald soon — doesn't make the circumstances any less uncomfortable.

None of this even gets into the Blake and Yang hug. First of all, why is Blake acting like they had a fight and Yang might not want to see her? She's hiding inside rather than rushing to greet them, ears down in a devastated expression until Yang touches her. Combine this with Yang's "Do you think she's mad at me?" and it feels like the writers cut a fight in the final script and then didn't bother to remove the fallout from that. Seriously, where did any of this come from? You can't just have characters act like they've been fighting when they haven’t.

Also, can't forget this.

At this point there's nothing more I can say in regards to RWBY's almost-queer baiting. Is touching foreheads more intimate than the hugs Yang gave the others? Absolutely. Is that an appropriate stand-in for overt representation? Absolutely not. This would have been a perfect time for them to kiss. Take out Blake's nonsensical fear and replace it with them both reuniting after their first separation since Volume 5, working under the knowledge that either one could have been killed, finally admitting their feelings. Hell, they don't actually have to kiss. Not all girlfriends are interested in kissing! But they could use the terminology that makes things unequivocally canon. Another forehead touch when we got that in Volume 6? It's not enough, especially not when our straight couples have all been allowed their rep.

Ren at least wants to know where Nora is. He's presumably told what happened off screen as Oscar tells Ruby that Emerald is their friend now.

Then an emergency call from May interrupts the reunion and the group learns that Ironwood is bombing the Schnee ships. “Those ships… they were going to save people” Weiss whispers. How? Tell me how they were going to save anyone. Where were you going to take these people where they would be safer than where they are now? RWBY continually asserts things without explaining them, meaning there is precisely zero emotional weight here. Again, Ironwood is far past the point of defense, but I'd be a whole lot more critical of this particular action if I had a better sense of why it's bad. He appears to be endangering the people given May's shout to run — falling debris? — but the further implication is that Ironwood has doomed the people of Mantle by denying them these ships. It's that part that makes no sense based on what we've been told.

Which finally comes to the ultimatum of our episode title: Penny opens the vault, or Ironwood bombs Mantle. Great! So glad this plan is wicked smart and works well for his characterization. It's definitely not a nonsensical, unfounded, overblown change that feels like it belongs in a child's cartoon, complete with dramatic spotlight. Nope. Excellent writing choices all around.

Our final line of the episode is, “I hope you live up to the title I gave you," referring to Penny's job as the Protector of Mantle, and you know what? That line could have been very cool if it was delivered by an Ironwood with a persuasive fall and a halfway decent plan in place. I love that we've twisted the concept of a protector and turned the title into a horrifying, rather than honorable responsibility... I just hate everything surrounding those details.

So, usual RWBY fare.

(At least we get to see that Nora is awake!)

Will things get better over the next four episodes? I doubt it. We're still expecting the rest of the Ace Ops + Winter to ditch Ironwood, someone getting the vault open, the fall of Atlas, now the potential destruction of Mantle, and none of that includes Salem who should reform at any moment. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to any of it. The final leg of a season should make its audience excited to see how everything turns out, not dreading it. I've heard from multiple people that this is the volume that finally got them to drop the show and honestly? I'm not surprised.

As a final (happier?) note: we've finally got a bingo! I completely forgot our board last time, which was a terrible oversight, but we can update it now.

Our army of grimm can't kill anyone now that it got KOed by Oscar (that is the third one hit defeat of a major enemy we've seen this volume. Yes, I'm including the Hound considering it was obviously on its last legs after Ruby's eyes.)

I'm likewise including "Ozpin apologizes for everything including his existence" because he's done nothing but apologize since he came back. The emotion is there even if the literal words are not. Oscar reminded everyone of how untrustworthy he is, but kept the group from jumping them again. And Ozpin thanked him for it.

Neo didn't literally backstab Cinder (shame), but the Relic still counts.

So a triple bingo! Is that how bingo works? Idk, I've never played. I feel like I should have thought up some sort of humorous prize, but sadly I've got nothing. If you think of anything, let me know lol

That’s all then, folks. Until next week! 💜

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby ultimatum #rwby recaps #mymetas

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sanjuno · 4 years ago

Text

Meta Fic rides again

I'm a little stuck on how to word something in my Nano 2020 project so I decided to take a break by trying to read “Scum Villain’s Self Saving System” again and failed horribly because I got to the part when Binghe comes back and my interest died a quick and messy death for yet a third time. Someone write me a giant pile of gen-fic and LiuShen AUs to heal my heart.

Here, I’ll start us off:

Spite and Fury (or; PEDW is a hive of Scum and Villainy)

So bitter-old-man!Madara dies of old age after he passes his Epic Revenge Plot over into Obito’s keeping, and the Sage’s knockoff-brand cycle-of-transmigration peels Indra’s chakra out of Madara’s soul - which results in dying!Madara having a screaming ragefit that sends his spirit-and-chakra careening through the void between worlds

At which point shattered-and-fragmenting-more!Madara gets into an altercation with the System and since the System is a little bitch it tosses Madara into the worst possible Fate it can think of (see: PEDW)

Transmigration bullshit and Sharingan fuckery smash into each other in a gigantic clusterfuck of asspulls

Madara is missing bits because Indra’s imprint got ripped out

The Shen Jiu base soul is missing bits because torture and previous abuse of his character by the System

The resulting villain amalgamation is Not Pleased

Instead of landing in the divergence point chosen by the System - aka the Qi deviation fever shortly after Binghe arrives at Cang Qiong Sect – we instead have the jigsaw puzzle mashup of Mads-and-Jiu land in baby-slave Jiu’s body

The good news is Madara and Jiu stop fragmenting because they end up woven together - they’re stuck together as an almost-single person only with two different sets of memories

Character exploration is going to be an EVENT

Also the Madara part of them is really happy with the silky smooth hair

Also Yue “lets-Binghe-kill-him-because-he-thinks-Shen-Jiu-is-dead” Qi is cast is a much better light when compared to Senju “stabs-his-sworn-brother-in-the-back” Hashirama

So Mads-Jiu plays it close to canon for the first few years - the only real difference is that he tags his Jiejie with a tracking seal for after he escapes from slavery - he’s not leaving his ability to find her again up to chance or developing a reputation as a whoremonger if he can help it

When he gets bought by the Qiu is when Mads-Jiu starts being a manipulative little shit like we all know he is

Xanatos-pileup-or-bust!Mads-Jiu basically lets Yue Qi escape alone because he NEEDS Yue Qi to become Cang Qiong Sect Leader for his long-term plans to work properly

So Mads-Jiu warns Yue Qi that if he has to be CAREFUL because cultivating is dangerous and if Yue Qi comes back missing any pieces then Jiu will cut the EXACT SAME BITS OFF HIMSELF

And so Yue Qi is EXTREMELY safety conscious and the life eating sword drama is avoided entirely

Of course he’s also taking longer to reach his initial strength levels than in canon because he isn’t rushing

So there’s nothing like Yue Qi showing up early to trigger a plot divergence alert in the System

</mwahahaha>

Mads-Jiu is more pragmatic regarding Qiu Haitang’s so-called innocence this time around - and so he arranges for her to catch the Creeper Qiu bro abusing and assaulting Shen Jiu

Haitang is HORRIFIED AND DISGUSTED to see what her brother is doing to her fiancé and also TERRIFIED by the fact that he talks the entire time about how sweet it’s going to be when it’s HAITANG under him

The Qiu burn on schedule but Haitang kills her fair share - double Qi deviations FTW!

The system does not notice such a minor change in the background events - Jiu kills the Qiu, burns down their house, and Haitang survives the fire with vengeance raging in her heart

Mads-Jiu kills the demonic creeper that was hanging around because ew no and also keep your hands of Haitang

Again, it’s too close to canon for the System to notice - Jiu killed him in defense of a “childhood friend” so hahaha again

Instead of being used as a stalking horse by an evil master Mads-Jiu runs off with Haitang to track down and rescue his Jiejie

Shenanigans ensue

Afterwards Mads-Jiu “has an idea to help find Qi-ge” by asking around for him at the Immortal Alliance Conference

Of course there are more shenanigans and Yue Qi saves all three by claiming that they’re Cang Qiong disciples - so of course he drags all 3 of them back with him and wibbles at the current Sect Leader until he lets them all join

Still (mostly) following canon! Ha! So no “punishment” events get triggered in the System (which is mostly dormant because the Protagonist isn’t born yet XP)

Qiu Haitang was supposed to join a Sect! Jiejie got sold on schedule! Shen Jiu killed the Qiu and his “first master”! Yue pesters his Shizun into letting his sibling(s) join the Sect in an unorthodox fashion!

But the devil is in the details

And the devil’s name is Uchiha Madara

Jiejie ends up as Peak Lord for Talisman Peak because magic and seals saved her before

Haitang ends up Peak Lord for Hidden Peak because she refuses to be caught unawares by a dangerous secret ever again... also because she’s a mean sneaky bitch and owns it

Having more than one sibling for the Sect Leader to blatantly favour means less wholesale resentment directed at Mads-Jiu as well

However the Jiu part of them has memories from PIDW and also SVSSS - so he knows that shit is going to get horrible once Su Xiyan gets knocked up

Obviously the answer is to seduce all of his fellow peak lords into a glorious polyamorous clusterfuck so as to promote skinship and pack bonding and harmony among the sect leadership

(It worked for PIDW Binghe with his wives and SVSSS Shen Yuan with getting Bing-mei to chill his tits after all and nobody can trip you into bed quite like a shinobi)

And so Cang Qiong’s family aesthetics get rocked so hard that instead of panting after his Shizun baby disciple Binghe decides to seduce his peers...

... and his rivals

... and other sect’s disciples

... and the occasional demon

Mads-Jiu is really proud of his baby demon lord but makes sure not to single Binghe out - instead every Qing Jing disciple gets rewarded and punished at the same time

It promotes bonding! And teamwork!

And prevents the utter destruction of Mads-Jiu’s chrysanthemum via oversized demonic pillar!

There is totally going to be an extra where Mads-Jiu realizes that the average size of a male cultivators pillar is DANGEROUSLY EXCESSIVE

NOBODY NEEDS THAT MUCH PILLAR

Even HIS pillar hasn’t escaped the curse

BIGGER IS NOT BETTER!

How the fuck is he supposed to fight if he can’t even wear pants comfortably!?!?

(No wait come back Mu-shidi this shixiong is sorry it wasn’t mockery it was a perfectly reasonable tantrum that was a long time coming now stop sulking your dick is very pretty let shixiong make it up to you~)

And at some point there will be a wild Bing-ge who appears to cause trouble with a mirror that’s intended to temporarily transform people into the form of their last life - he aims it at the native Bingbing to get him out of the way so he can steal the “nice” Shizun

It would have been Pom time for Bingbing but Mads-Jiu pushes him out of the way

And cue giant explosion of dark Qi as a bonus expansion pack of Madara’s 10-tail Jinchuriki time with powers-and-memories gets downloaded into Mads-Jiu

Mads-Jiu the “Heavenly Demon Demi God” drops several mountains worth of flaming meteor rock on the invaders and then goes on a giant flaming skeleton rampage against Bing-ge

... Bing-ge has changed his mind he doesn’t want this Shizun take him back and oh gods the shrieking

How does he shriek so loud? Doesn’t he need to breathe?

... ok so Shizun breathes fire that’s good to know

Whelps time to bravely run away

And then the amassed sects need to figure out how to calm down the rampaging hell beast

The youngest Qing Jing disciple is brought out and told to cry for Shizun

Actually-a-broody-hen!Mads-Jiu whips around and starts fussing over his baby student

Because baby why are you crying stop it tell Shizun who hurt you and he will BURN THEM TO ASH

The last bit I have an idea for involves Mads-Jiu getting yanked though dimensions because Edo Tensei where he instantly twigs to what is going on and pushes the “righteous cultivator” skin to maximum strength

He shoves all the baby ninja behind him and keeps barrier spamming the zombie army - because ew no stay away from the children resentful corpses

Zetsu is included in the zombie army shall not pass smack down

Zombie!Tobirama is appalled because wut? Wasn’t this supposed to be Madara’s zombie? What is happening?

And I dunno something where he “notices” the resentful energy surrounding Danzo because stealing the eyes of the people you murdered is bad karma

So Mads-Jiu does a spirit thing and the ghosts of the Uchiha rips Danzo apart while screaming about his guilt in full view of the entire Village

And then Mads-Jiu goes home because filial little Bingbing came to get him and he’s not enjoying upending the shinobi social order nope not at all whom exactly do you take him for?

... Yes he’s done and ready to go back to his spouses now he’s sure the ninja have all learned better than to raise living corpses now anyway

The end

=/=

#Sanjuno's ficwork #fic I haven't written yet #Spite and Fury #PEDW is a hive of SCUM and VILLIANY #Madara and Jiu are sharing a body #System done fucked that revenge plot up #Villain Team Up cranked to 111 #sanjuno's metafic #NRT x SVSSS

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olivarryprompts · 4 years ago

Text

Fanfic Friday #1

Welcome to Fanfic Friday! Each Friday I will post a new fanfic here and on A03. Enjoy x

Read/Save it on A03 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/31733458

{training dates}

Ship: olivarry

Status: dating

Warnings: none :)

WC: 1,646

Barry’s POV

It sort of all started when I got my powers. And I ran to Oliver.

“I’ve spent my whole life searching for the impossible, never imagining that I would become the impossible.”

“So why come to me? Something tells me you didn’t just run 600 miles to say hi to a friend.” “All my life I’ve wanted to do, more. Be more. And now I am. And the first chance I get to help someone, I screw up. What if Wells is right? What if I’m not a hero? What if I am just some guy who got stuck by lighting?”

“I don’t think that bolt of lighting struck you Barry,” Oliver paused, “I think it chose you.”

“I’m just not sure I’m like you, Oliver. I don’t know if I can be some, vigilante,” I whispered, looking down.

“You can be better. You can inspire people. In a way I never could. Watching over your city like a guardian angel, making a difference. Saving people,” he smirked, “In a flash.” He walked to the edge of the building, “Take your own advice, wear a mask.” Oliver then got out his bow to zipline off the rooftop.

“Oliver, wait,” I called, thinking.

“Yeah, Barry?” he said, turning around.

“I-i can’t fight. I can’t be strong. And tough.”

“Yes, you can. Meet me at my club, Verdant, in a week. Same time.”

“Your club?”

“Yes, my club.”

And then he did his robin hood and swung away.

A lot happens in a week. Take down metas, learn to swirl my arms to make wind, realize I have a bit of a crush on Oliver Queen. Please ignore the last one.

I arrived at his club the following week at midday. During that time, I recalled that his secret lair was in the sublevel of his club.

“Hello Barry,” he greeted.

“Hi. So, um-”

“Come at me. I’m going to hit you with an arrow.” “Sure you are,” I smirked.

“Go, go.” I sped off 100 or so meters, and then ran straight at him. He fired an arrow, and it slowly made its way towards me. With a cheeky smile, I grabbed it and stopped.

“Nice try Ollie, to-OCHHCHHC. Fuck-what?”

“Awareness of your surroundings,” Oliver said, pulling the arrows out of my back.

“Ow ow it hurts.” “That was lesson one. The battlefield is just that, it’s a field. It’s not one person in one place, it's a network of people all trying to kill,” he places a finger on my chest, “You.”

I was still in pain, and not too fond of him.

“You know there are less painful ways to teach that lesson?” “You showed up, you knew what you were getting yourself into,” he stated blatantly. “Well-no. No. I didn’t really want an arrow in my back.” “Would you prefer to train on a deserted Island on the coast of the China Sea?” he said jokingly.

“No. Fine.”

He led me down to his base.

“Come ‘ere,” he said, pointing to where a punching bag was set up.

“This place gets cooler every time,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Punch,” he instructed. I started speed punching the bag, and it almost immediately broke.

“Well I’d say that was pretty good,” I said, smiling.

“Horrible. No control.” “What? I broke the bag.” “Don’t speed punch. Punch normally,” he said, replacing the bag.

I started punching as hard as I could.

“Untuck your thumb,” he commented, “You’re going to break it.”

I kept punching, taking his feedback and applying it.

“Wrist straight,” he said, taking my wrist into his hand and holding it steady.

Almost 45 minutes later, I was exhausted.

“My arms, I, I can’t feel them.” “Good, now fight me.” “Excuse me?” “Sparring, let's go. No fucking speedy shit, alright?” “Ollie, I don’t think I physically can.” “Oh yes you can.” He took my arm and dragged me onto the mat. I threw some weak punches at him, not moving. He was not holding back.

“Oliver, are you just going to continue to BEAT me up?” “When you start trying, I will stop punching.” I gritted my teeth and started throwing more meaningful punches.

“Good, come on, keep your feet right.”

I threw another punch.

“Don’t lean back, move forward.” After another 15 minutes of sparring, he called it.

“Done.”

“Is that all?” I joked.

“I mean we can do more,” he teased back.

“Nah I’m good. I feel like I should get a certificate, like, ‘congrats you completed your first Oliver Queen superhero training session.’”

“Idiot,” he smirked.

“Thanks.” “Right, I should get back to my city. Same time next week?”

“Yes.”

I reached out to hug him.

“I’m not really a hugger, Barry.” “Well, technically I could just speed and hug you, so you might as well just…”

He smiled, and we briefly hugged.

“Thanks Ollie.”

“See ya.”

Most sessions were similar to that. Well, not similar but the same vibe. He had me slap water for two hours once. He made me lift sand another time. Anyway, the training was hard and weird, but it seemed to be working. However, they started to shift. We were mainly sparring after three months, him giving me tips.

“Good sessions,” he said, chucking me a bottle of water.

“Thanks,” I huffed, collapsing into a chair.

He walked over to his salmon ladder, and he pulled his shirt off. Update, the crush got much worse which could, really, only be expected.

He started to go upwards, and I did definitely stare. Him jumping down caught my attention.

“You wanna get some food?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure, yeah. Where?”

Where ended up being big belly burger, and, as the flash, I ate a shedload.

“That. Is. Disgusting,” Ollie said, smiling endearingly.

“You do you.”

“So, how’s everything in Central?”

“Yeah, it’s metahuman and that.”

“Right, descriptive.” We both chuckled.

“How’s everyone here?”

“Oh we’re hanging on as usual.” “Mine wasn’t descriptive enough,” I said, sarcastically.

“What, you want me to give a rundown of every person in my life?”

No, I want to know if you and Felicity still have this weird “in love” thing going on. “You know what, sure,” I smirked. “You are a child, Barry Allen.”

I just laughed.

We stayed a while just chatting, long after we’d finished eating. We were both red from laughter. and he was smiling brighter than I’d ever seen him.

It became a tradition of sorts. Train and go get food. He’d take me to all his favorite spots, we’d eat, and stay for hours just talking.

One day we were sparring, and I’d somehow ended up under him. He slowly leaned in, and I gave him a little nodd. The kiss lasted far too little time for my liking.

I was smirking at him, “Does someone have a little crush?”

“Shut up, I see how you look at me shirtless.” “Fair. You look very hot shirtless,” I said, “Your heart is beating fast.’ “So is yours.” He leaned in again, and this kiss lasted longer. “You wanna go for dinner?” “As in a date?” I inquired.

“As in dinner, you know. Maybe. People eat dinner.” “We’ve been dating for months now, neither of us cared to admit it,” I joked, walking towards a chair.

“No,” he said, thinking.

I shoot him a “really” look.

“Aright so yes, we have. Do you wanna get dinner?”

“Yes, Ollie, I want to get dinner.”

So from there we basically just dated. Woah revolutionary I know. Training sessions became covers for dates. Sleeping at his became a late night’s work. In the chaos of everything, we found peace in each other.

Oliver’s POV

“Can you run this through facial recognition please, Felicity?” “Yeah,” she said, tapping on her keyboard.

My phone began to ring, and I saw it was Barry.

I shot Felicity a look and headed to the backroom in the lair.

“Hey Be-” “Hello,” a voice said. I recognized it to be Cisco.

“Cisco?” “Yeah? Oliver?” “Why do you have Barry’s phone?” “Barry told me to call this number if he was ever in trouble?” I panicked, “Is, is h-he alright?” “Well, yes, no, he’s sorta-” “I’m coming now.”

“Felicity, I’m going to Central City, work stuff.” “What work exactly?” “Stuff.” “Secret girlfriend stuff?” “W-what?” “Come on, we all see you smiling at your texts, spending way too much time in Central City with'' Barry,” and the way your face lights up when you get a call.” “I-no. I don’t have a secret girlfriend.” Boyfriend, I have a secret boyfriend who happens to not be doing so well.

“Where is he? Where’s Barry?”

“Med bed, right there,” Caitlin said, “Be careful, he’s resting.” “What the hell happened to him?” I said, fuming.

“He got stabbed. Fight.” I ran over to his bed, grabbing his hand.

“Barry,” I said softly.

His eyes fluttered open softly.

“Ollie, ollie. Y-you came.”

“Of course, baby, why would I not be here?”

He just tried to move closer to me.

“Hey, hey, you stay still.”

“Cuddles? Please cuddles.”

I carefully made my way under the covers, and Barry immediately cuddled into me. He quickly fell asleep to the calming motion of my fingers running through his hair.

“When did that happen?” I heard Cisco whisper.

“Couldn’t tell you,” Caitlin said, equally baffed.

I just held on to Barry, hoping he’d get better. Hoping he’d be fine.

A few hours later his eyes fluttered open.

“Ollie?”

“I’m right here, Bear.”

“I think they know,” he said, smiling. “They might have a suspicion.” “All this started from a bit of training.” I kissed his forehead, “God, you idiot, you had me worried there.”

“You can’t get rid of me that quick.” “And I’m so glad.”

His lips met mine, and we kissed for a short moment.

“I think I love you Barry Allen.” He smiled his million dollar smile, “Oliver Queen? Love?”

“Only you.”

“I love you, too Ollie.”

Read/Save it on A03 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/31733458

#olivarry fic #olivarry #oliver queen #Barry Allen #felicity smoak #The Flash #The Arrow #arrowverse #m/m #fluff #fanfcition #dcu

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verobatto · 4 years ago

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My last SPN SPEC COMPENDIUM

Destiel endgame spec. TFW. And how I stick to the happy ending.

Hello gorgeous people, I know a lot of you are mad with the world because where is our beloved Destiel? Or because you are feeling EVERYONE IS GONNA DIE! Or just because STOP MAKING OUR ANGEL BE SO SAD and all.

I know I know...

But here I bring to you my last spec compendium, I hope I can convey all the craziness in my head...

Destiel Spec

Okay you all know about my "Hands and Foreshadow", I which I based my Destiel holding hand and kiss spec, but if you didn't read it, here you have the links:

Hands and foreshadow

Destiel addition

So, yes, I'm still clowning, sue me, I won't lose my hopes until the end graphic is on the screen. So.

1) I'm confused about the Destiel talk, and the moves, I thought would happen in this season because this Good Omens scene here...

Is like we had been robbed heheheh. But also this...

Could be taken as a talk? Dean using his own words? But preserving the I LOVE YOU for later, because is gonna be VERY MEANINGFUL.

2) With the incoming Sacrifice of Castiel in episode 15x18, we are all asking, who's gonna say the priceless three words? Is not the place I would put Dean's I LOVE YOU to Castiel, because it has to be more, more meaningful. So, I assume maybe is Cas the one confessing his feelings before go to the Empty. And this...

(last gif credit is for @agusvedder )

Gah Berens, he likes to play with mixing scenes, and I knew something bad will happen when the scene was jumping between Sam/Rowena and Destiel, the horrible foreshadow, if you don't believe me , go read the meta here. Just let me place the Destiel Kiss here, a because my kissing good bye spec is burning my ears... So yes. I would put it here, but I will love it in the Rescue from the Empty heheheheh. Oh Boy, I'm a huge 🤡.

The Sacrifice for the son again? And for everyone...

But but... If Cas goes to the Empty, and Dean won't be able (again) to respond to that I LOVE YOU with words...

3) The I Love You could be said to find Castiel in the Empty, following the profound bond, as Dean followed by intinction in Purgatory 2.0, or when Amara made use of it in season 11 to find Dean, or how the Nougat Boy woke up Castiel in the Empty helped by Dean's longing... Dean will find Cas in the dark, and will wake him up, it will be a MIRACLE, just like Cas was told when he woke up Donnie and saved that kid in the woods in 15x05.

But could be Amara the one in revealing Dean the truth about the profound bond? And the one coming out with the idea? Because... She was dressed in pink in 15x15...

4) So the second villain will be THE EMPTY (the big Impostor who will take Billie's shape) and Dean will defeat him, just as he did with the monsters in episode 14x16 and 15x16, both of them maybe, foreshadowing Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty.

5) What about Castiel's vessel? You know about my spec based on @emblue-sparks insights about a Destiel sharing vessel? You can read the spec here. But mostly, because Cas won't have a body once out the Empty, so... Dean would say yes to share his for the rest of the eternity with the love of his life.

TFW spec

1) I talked extensively about the second chance they were foreshadowing these lasts episodes, you can read the spec here and here. But basically, this is how I think is gonna happen:

Cas will Sacrifice himself to defeat Chuck, instead Jack, but that's not gonna work as they expected. So, they will have a second chance...

In this second chance, Dean and Jack will reset time to get another opportunity against Chuck. Maybe they will come back time until the previous minutes before their failure.

Who's gonna defeat Chuck? I don't know my fellows, because at first I thought CAS WAS THE KEY, because he was the one Chuck was avoiding and the one Chuck couldn't write because Castiel's unexpected decisions, as you had read in plenty of my metas. Maybe his self Sacrifice won't be in vain, and will give the key to defeat Chuck with the reset button. IDK. Let's see.

2) The balance is given by Jack, the new god, the one who brings Darkness and Light. He's the perfect balance between humanity, heaven and Hell. So, they don't need to kill Amara, but I'm feeling part of her arc will be giving her life in Sacrifice, because color pink, and all the people.in pink dying this season too. Let's see.

Jack is Shiva. The god that brings a new world.

3) Death is there to put everything in it's place.

Angels in heaven, demons in hell, entities in their places. Defeating Chuck, Everything will work again as it should, with a new world without monsters (maybe?) In which Sam will live with Eileen his peaceful life, Dean and Cas together for the eternity and Jack ruling the new world.

To Conclude:

We will get Becky's fics ending, Destiel happiness and normal life for Sam, because that's what fans want. As she said in episode 15x04. That's the ending I'm expecting. And I hope that 4 episode could be enough.

Love you all! We are together in this last countdown! Hugs!

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @thislunarkiss @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2 @spnsmile

Buenos Aires, October 26th 2020, 3:23 PM

#destiel #destiel meta #destiel spec #tfw #tfw meta #tfw spec #supernatural meta #supernatural spec #season 15 meta #meta spec #season 15 finale

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malachi-walker · 5 years ago

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Catra and the Performative Nature of Villainy and Abuse Survival

(Yeah, with a title like that you can tell I earned that English lit masters. -.-)

Ok, so I have a lot of She-ra meta bouncing around my skull I need to get to one day, but let’s start with the big one post s4: the psychological and symbolic implications that are made explicit in DT’s epic call out of Catra (please note that I specified “made explicit” not revealed, because a lot of the stuff I wanna talk about was already there if you knew where to look.)

1. Catra’s villainy is inherently performative.

Yeah, pretty obvious but I’m going somewhere with this. If you pay close attention to Catra throughout the series, her words (the stuff on the surface) and her underlying actions don’t match up. Not entirely. No tsundere jokes, please, because it ultimately leads back to a very common pattern among abuse victims and some very interesting implications for Catra herself.

Basically it’s not horribly uncommon for abuse victims, especially those in domestic or child abuse situations, to end up performing on multiple levels. Level one: performing for the abuser in the hopes that this will minimize or stop the abuse. (Check.) Level two: performing for loved ones so as not to either worry them or risk them leaving if the abuse becomes obvious.

Oh, double check.

And lastly, Level Three: the act of performing as a method of keeping people on the outside away from you, either out of fear of more pain or fear of further judgment, which is a huge bulk of what we see Catra spiralling through this entire series.

Like, I myself was a child abuse victim for the first twelve years of my life (I’m fine now after about a decade of therapy) and I operated on all these different levels; alternating between placating my abuser to avoid punishment or rebelling to take back some form of control, deflecting from my other loved ones so as not to worry them, and being absolutely resistant to outside forces coming in, because at that point I had so little control over my life that I was more comfortable with embracing the hell I knew as a way to give myself some measure of control and stability than have someone save me from that situation but take that control away from me. Fucked up, but true. Which brings me into my second point:

2. Words have no inherent value for Catra except as weapons.

Which again, makes perfect sense considering her upbringing. Unlike Adora, Catra never had the luxury of buying into the Horde propaganda. She knew they hurt innocent people because she’d already been enduring torture from the time she was a small child–as other people have pointed out before. Moreover, she grew up in an environment that treated words with varying levels of consistency, where Shadow Weaver can praise Adora for doing one thing and then mercilessly put down Catra for doing the exact same thing equally.

This not only teaches someone about lying, this teaches someone that words are weapons, and Catra took that lesson and ran with it. Even when she and Adora were on good terms, she would still lightly drag her or put her down, but I don’t think it was from any inherent malice at that point. Good example: in episode one she’s perfectly content to mock Adora while she’s stuck in the pit, but immediately after she reached down and helped pull her out. “Actions speak louder than words” is an old clichè, but it’s super important to keep in mind when analyzing Catra’s character. Out of all the characters on Spop, she is the last one who can be analyzed from surface words alone, because so much of it is an act.

In fact, I can think of probably only one instance in which Catra did actually wholeheartedly believe in words…

Yeah, y'all know what I’m talking about.

And again, that makes perfect sense. Because Adora wasn’t just Catra’s best friend, she was explicitly her lifeline. Shadow Weaver’s exact words to little Catra were: “I’ve kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you. But if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself.” On top of that, the other cadets show clear signs of having sensed the blood in the water, so to speak: it’s an open secret to everyone but Adora that Shadow Weaver hates Catra’s guts, and therefore it stands to reason that in a cutthroat culture like the Horde’s, Catra was probably seen as easy prey until she learned to defend herself. Because it wasn’t like Shadow Weaver would do anything about it.

So Adora was the only person Catra could count on, but that also leads into the double edged aspect of words I’ve been talking about: Catra could let herself believe in their promise, but not enough to actually reveal to her what was going on. In the same way Shadow Weaver lightens up on the abuse when Adora’s around (just compare her use of lightning on Catra in Promise vs the Sword pt 2–the former is very subdued and looks almost like a simple hold, while the latter makes it very obvious this is painful torture) Catra deflects away from the subject around Adora, and the few times she does approach it “Why does she hate me so much” she tends not to get the reassurance she wants because Adora isn’t as clued in on the situation.

I mean, it’s pretty telling that Catra’s first leap off the slippery slope after being more of a nuisance than anything else up to that point came after Light Hope deliberately pushed her buttons by basically taunting her with the one thing that Catra had ever allowed herself to believe in.

I mean, her younger self looks at her as if to drive in the point of “you were a fool to believe in it!” After what we found out in S4, you cannot make me believe that wasn’t Light Hope deliberately twisting the knife to make sure they didn’t reconcile. And immediately after Catra pitches Adora off a cliff. Good times.

Ok, that was a big fucking lead in to my main point, but here we are:

3. Pretty much everything Catra says from that point onward is an act.

And it’s an obvious one, all things considered. Because that’s when Catra gets vicious. That’s when all her verbal barbs start cutting deep. That’s when combat between her and Adora goes from almost playful to outright brutal. And that’s when we start seeing Catra using her words as weapons against herself in addition to everyone else.

Because that’s the point when Catra starts feeding into her constructed persona of being this smug, confident, in-control villain who most definitely isn’t capable of being hurt like that ever again, no siree. We get to see several times across s4 in particular where her feelings clearly aren’t in line with her actions, and what does she do? She forces herself to say something cruel or hard-hearted as a way to essentially drag her actions and internal feelings back into line with that constructed person. Good example is the locker room scene with the Horde Trio: Catra very clearly wants to reach out to them and experience a little of their camaraderie, but she forces herself back into “I’m the boss” mode. And when it’s misinterpreted as her simply being a bitch, she goes into a rage because it’s one thing for her to want to reach out and deny herself that, but another for someone else to try to force their way in.

And all of this ties back into my main point, and why I think DT’s speech is particularly brilliant from a symbolic and psychological standpoint.

Actor vs Actor: Fight!

I’ve already established that Catra is somebody who is a performer and has been all her life in order to survive. That’s part of why Catra is such a tough nut to crack in terms of getting through to her: it’s hard to make accurate hits on someone who is putting on a persona. It’s damn near impossible to get a point through when you don’t have a clear idea of what you should be aiming at in the first place. So how do you beat a consummate actor?

You bring in a better performer.

Now, I do have my problems with DT’s speech: as others have pointed out, tossing Shadow Weaver and Hordak into the guilt trip is severely messed up and victim-blamey, though I do believe that has more to do with the fact that DT themself is not omniscient and therefore doesn’t have all the facts there (though given their sadistic streak, I’m also not sure they wouldn’t still cross that line even if they did know.)

But here’s what made that scene rock me to my fucking core: Catra almost pulled it off. Think about it: she has spent three seasons up until that point convincing her former friends, allies, boss and even the viewers–remember the post Portal moral panic–that she was this completely villainous monster. That she didn’t care, that she wasn’t worth saving, that everything she does is ultimately self-serving and terrible… Only for DT to see right through the disguise.

Adora couldn’t get through to Catra when she couldn’t even pinpoint the real problem. Scorpia couldn’t get through because by that point the defenses were fully up and Catra was going all in on her mask of villainy.

What finally got through? Being outclassed by a much better actor. By someone who is both a world class actor but also in touch enough with their own personality and wants that they don’t interfere with their own performance.

Because that’s the difference between DT and Catra: for Catra, acting the villain has been a matter of psychological survival up until that point. DT, meanwhile, acts for fun, work, and a certain level of sadistic pleasure. They have no moral dilemmas about what they do and thus they experience zero cognitive dissonance, whereas Catra may as well be the poster child. And it’s not too much of a stretch to think that once they figured out Catra’s deal, they probably found it quite amusing to completely demolish the act that had practically everyone else on the planet completely fooled.

That’s also part of the reason why Catra was so suicidal and lifeless after: the crutch she’d been using just to keep herself upright for four seasons just got yanked out from under her along with all chances of ever getting to double back down on that villainy again. Nowhere to go, and not even a mask to hide behind any more.

And honestly, I could keep talking on and on about just… The amazing amount of narrative complexity and precision and psychological depth that went into pulling this moment off. It’s amazing. But I’ve also spent like two and a half hours working on this post, so that’s that. If you read this far, get yourself a cookie or the snack of your choice. You earned it.

#spop #spop spoilers #catra #double trouble #spop meta #my meta #child abuse #and probably #ptsd #if we're being honest #abuse survival psychology

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

Photo

you can be my ride or die: a staggeringly long essay about a deceptively short appearance

(aka, pan’s personal depository of notes about prince william of ealdor.)

now that my fic is long since done and posted, i can finally transfer this monster piece of meta out of my google docs and onto my blog, where it can serve as an unasked-for, absurdly detailed, beginning-to-end analysis of my obscure fave.

(whose line ‘yeah, and i’m prince william, of ealdor’ is still the funniest damn shit i’ve ever heard and also the most shocking burn arthur has ever received; i hope he thinks of it sometimes and remembers that humility is a virtue)

(the BRISTLING DISRESPECT! the ZERO FUCKS GIVEN! i love him! please can someone else talk to arthur like this! he needs it!)

disclaimer before we begin: i wrote this over a year ago, as a character check for myself during the very early stages of working on my fic. i kept messily adding bits to it over the course of a couple weeks as i explored what i knew about this character and who i understood him to be, but at the time, i didn’t intend on posting it; it was just prep work for my own story-making. it’s still essentially just a record of my train of thought as i pieced this character together - i’ve cleaned it up a bit now and added some recent links to make it more coherent, but it was never meant to be a posted essay, just a collection of notes for myself.

be forewarned, it is more comprehensive than the things i’ve written about this character since, and it goes on for years. if you are not interested in many, many pages of super heavy in-depth musings about a character who appeared in one episode, now is the time to scroll on by. i promise i won’t mind in the slightest; i wrote this for my own purposes and don’t really expect people to read it - i’m posting it just to have it archived with the rest of my merlin stuff.

if you are interested in that sort of thing, however - hit the jump, and off we go!

i really love the episode where we meet will, though i’ve started to love it for new reasons since the first time i watched it.

the first time i watched season 1, 'the moment of truth’ was my favorite S1 episode overall, because it was the first time the Fab Four went off on an adventure together, and that was very exciting; and i also loved it because all the character stuff in that episode was so good; and i also loved it because look, all of us are suckers for that classic seven samurai plot, you know - i loved it in TCW, i loved it in the mandalorian, i loved it in merlin. not gonna get bored of ‘simple farmers defend their homes with pitchforks’ anytime soon. it is overall just a solid, self-contained plot with clear emotional arcs, and it sticks its landing well. it’s a simple, strong story.

nowadays, though, i also love it because of will.

i. will whomst?

prince william of ealdor, that’s who!

will straddles a kind of weird place in canon, because he feels like a minor character to the audience but is very much not a minor character for merlin, who has known will much longer than the brief hour we get to spend with him and who has spent his entire life with will as his sole friend.

but, because will only appears once - let’s start with a round-up. what do we actually know about him?

he’s a peasant farmer from ealdor, like merlin

his father was killed fighting for king cenred (as a foot soldier - these people are not wealthy enough or high-status enough to afford or be accepted into the knighthood)

his mother is either dead or absent

he’s painfully class conscious and doesn’t trust the nobility

he’s a “troublemaker” (the interpretation of which is...well, it’s left to the viewer’s discretion. fandom seems to jump to ‘fun mischief and pranks,’ though i personally don’t get that vibe from this episode. “troublemaker” in will’s case seems to mean more “doesn’t know how to keep his head down/can’t go along to get along to save his life.” it means when he sees something that he thinks is Wrong, he absolutely will not shut up about it even when all his neighbors are sick of him and want him to just let it go. it means he can’t stop rocking the boat even when rocking the boat makes everybody want to strangle him.)

he supplements his agricultural pursuits with carpentry. you can see in his house big piles of hewn timber along one wall, as well as a grindstone and a shaving horse, and when he comes out of his house on two separate occasions he’s holding woodworking tools (mallet, chisel, etc)

he knows about merlin’s magic - for how long this has been the case, we’re not told. it doesn’t feel like a new thing to me, but ultimately that’s guesswork.

he appears to have just one friend

that one friend is merlin

will loves merlin enough to die lying for him

merlin left will behind.

ii. it wasn’t what i wanted

so let’s talk about that.

merlin is asked “why did you leave?” twice in this episode, first by arthur and then by will. he gives completely contradictory answers to the two of them, and it’s worth remembering, before examining both responses, that one answer is inherently more honest than the other, because merlin is only able to tell the whole truth to one of these people.

so when merlin talks to arthur, it goes like this:

“why did you leave?”

“things just...changed.”

“how?”

*silence*

“come on, stop pretending to be interesting and tell me.”

“i just didn’t fit in anymore. i wanted to find somewhere I did.”

arthur has to drag this answer out of merlin, and it’s not because merlin doesn’t feel like sharing (i mean, come on, we know merlin; merlin wants to be in everybody’s business and he feeds off human connection like a starving man; he’d be thrilled that arthur was interested in his life) - the problem isn’t that he’s shy; it’s that he’s not exactly telling the truth and he’s trying to figure out how to do it in the least deceptive way possible.

i just didn’t fit in anymore. i wanted to find somewhere i did.

that’s nice.

it’s also a lie.

it’s not a total lie, of course - there’s an element of it that becomes true, after merlin gets to camelot and realizes that working for arthur is “not totally horrible all the time” - that he sort of likes the excitement, and the newness, and being somewhere where nobody knows him and nobody will judge him - but that’s the reason he stays in camelot, not the reason he leaves ealdor.

by contrast, when will asks the question, merlin gives a completely different answer:

“why did you leave?”

“it wasn’t what I wanted. mother was worried. when she found out you knew - she was so angry.”

it wasn’t what I wanted.

can we digest that for a moment?

merlin didn’t want to leave home.

not that he isn’t enjoying himself in camelot now, of course - which he conveniently doesn’t mention in this conversation, because will is upset with him and merlin feels guilty that he’s been off enjoying his new life while will has been struggling at home alone - but at the point of departure, merlin didn’t want to go.

his answer to arthur about finding a place where he belonged is certain-point-of-view bunk. he didn’t just up and decide that he wanted to run off and find a place where he fit in better. he didn’t leave because he wanted to escape a place he didn’t belong. he didn’t set off in search of adventure and a new life. it’s true that he didn’t feel like he fit in in ealdor, but that’s not what sent him packing. he left because his mother found out that will knew about his magic, and she panicked and sent him away.

iii. why did you leave

most fannish things i’ve encountered tend to interpret merlin’s departure in a much more generous light than i do, with merlin explaining to will that he’s leaving and will being unhappy about it but eventually understanding and kind of like...giving his blessing before merlin goes. this is fine, of course, but it did surprise me, when i started dipping my toes into fandom, because i never interpreted events in this episode like that, and i don’t think it’s even a plausible read, not from the conversations we’re actually given. the antipathy that accompanies merlin’s return doesn’t make sense under those circumstances, and moreover, from the way things actually unfold in this episode, we’re told, in order, the following three things:

1) the fact that will asks “why did you leave” tells us that he and merlin did not discuss it prior to the point of departure. there’s no other reason for will to ask this question. everything about will’s tone and body language in this scene indicates that he’s been stewing over this for a long time, that he doesn’t understand, that this is something profoundly difficult for him to address. and while it might be nicer to think that merlin sat down and discussed things with will before leaving for camelot, that’s not the inference we’re being asked to make here.

2) there is absolutely no way they wouldn’t have discussed it, if will had known that merlin was going to leave. like - if your only friend in the world told you they were moving to another country tomorrow, there’s no way “why?” wouldn’t be the first question you asked. there’s no way you wouldn’t have that discussion, at the most basic level, before separating. it just wouldn’t happen.

3) so, given that information, the unfortunate, inescapable conclusion is this: will didn’t know merlin was going to leave. merlin left without telling him.

everyone is free to continue to headcanon this in their own ways, of course. but this is what we’re actually being told.

iv. we don’t want your kind round here

the fact that merlin vanishes without so much as a word to his best friend goes a long way towards explaining why merlin is so uncomfortable when he first sees will in the street.

when they first encounter each other, merlin looks so apprehensive and wary, and the writers are playing it like ‘uh-oh, someone saw him use magic and now he’s nervous about it!!!’ but two seconds later, you realize that this can’t possibly be what’s causing merlin’s concern, because it’s made immediately clear that will already knows about merlin’s magic and isn’t going to say anything about it.

merlin isn’t afraid of being outed, in this scene. but he might, however, be afraid of the reception he’s going to get, given what we just discussed.

merlin just up and disappeared from home, and not so much as a letter since - we know will’s had a secondhand update, probably from hunith (“how’ve you been?! i hear you’re skivvying for some prince”) but he very clearly hasn’t had any direct contact with merlin since before merlin left.

merlin knows this was a big fuck-up. he feels guilty.

(and to be clear - i think there is a lot to be said about just how merlin’s departure unfolded, and what stopped him from getting in touch. it’s a complicated enough topic for its own piece, and it’s not quite within the scope of this essay, but suffice it to say for now that i don’t believe it stemmed from deliberate thoughtlessness or callousness on merlin’s part; it’s...deeper and more complicated than that. honestly, i think merlin looks back on this as like...the first major mistake he ever made in his life, his...original sin, sort of. and i don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for it, either, but again, that’s a story for another day.) the point here is that merlin didn’t necessarily want to cause harm, but he knew that’s what he was doing regardless - he knew that leaving without a word was the wrong thing to do. and in this moment he feels rightfully guilty about all of it, and he’s afraid that his friend won’t welcome him home.

merlin’s moment of uncertainty is real, when will pretends to greet him with hostility. merlin is afraid that will is angry with him for leaving him behind.

(and let’s not kid ourselves, will definitely is)

it’s a festering thing that keeps boiling to the surface as we progress through the episode. it shows in the way will finally asks why did you leave, avoiding merlin’s eyes, the question laden with vulnerability. it’s in the exchange “are you going to abandon them?”/“what, like you did?” there’s real pain there, and confusion, lots of hurt feelings.

but.

despite all of that, will doesn’t freeze merlin out, when merlin comes riding back into town. merlin is rightfully afraid that will might not want to see him, afraid that “we don’t want your kind round here” might be less of a joke than it ought to be. and while all of the troubles that merlin is worried about are absolutely real and poised to cause friction later, the truth is that at that exact moment, when merlin comes walking up the road - none of it matters. will has been nursing a collection of hurt feelings for months now, yeah, but in the immediate moment, when it comes down to it - he puts them aside.

they both do. nerves, guilty thoughts, bruised feelings - they temporarily abandon all of that in favor of a momentary joy. you can see how excited they are when they reunite. how they start smiling at the same time. how they laugh their way into that hug. they’re so happy to see each other.

people get pretty worked up about ***That Time Arthur Finally Hugged Merlin!!!***, but i don’t know. i think it matters to remember that merlin had people who knew how to hold him long before arthur was even a flicker of a shadow in merlin’s mind.

v. why are you being like this

so they reunite!

and then they fight. D:

but what really matters is how they fight, because even when they’re having an argument, they never let things escalate quite to the level of interpersonal nastiness, certainly never to the level of cruelty for cruelty’s sake - just a few hard truths and a pile of hurt feelings:

“i trust arthur with my life.”

“is that so? so he knows your secret, then?”

...

“face it, merlin, you’re living a lie, just like you were here. you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.”

the delivery in this scene is essential for understanding how these two interact with each other. it’s so telling. merlin and will are having an argument, and will is angry about everything we’ve already discussed, and on top of that, some prince is trying to round up a bunch of will’s neighbors for a fight that’s going to get a lot of people killed, and will sounds so sharp when he’s talking, up to and including the challenging “is that so?”

but then when he sees that he’s touched a nerve there and merlin knows he’s right, his voice drops those edges and goes gentler, regretful, like - he and merlin aren’t all hunky-dory right now, but he’s not out to rub merlin’s face in it, either. he’s not trying to “get back” at merlin for leaving him. he’s not like...happy that merlin’s situation is shitty.

vi. if i broke it (would you quit?)

we mostly only see these two in a tense season. they’re arguing with each other for almost the entire episode, and yet even in this at-odds state, there are little things that remind us of what they’re usually like - that they don’t want to be arguing, that this isn’t a natural at-rest state for them, that this isn’t what they’re used to. they butt heads, but they keep swinging around back to each other, and trying again, and trying again, and trying again. they never write each other off. they keep trying to make it work.

examples: merlin asking “why are you being like this?,” the implication being that will isn’t usually like this, that this isn’t how they usually act around each other. the two of them together in the background of arthur’s pitiful training session, coming right off the tail-end of another argument and busying themselves with their own work, but still reflexively hanging in each other’s orbit. merlin, even in the middle of a strained conversation, helping clean up the mess that the bandits made of will’s house, without asking or being asked, like it’s just the automatic, reflexive, natural thing to do. merlin using will’s proper name when discussing him with other people, but always the diminutive when they’re talking to each other. merlin following will every time will walks away; will doing the same when merlin’s the one who’s leaving. that moment up in the hedgerow, with will’s embittered “you know why,” which sets them to arguing again, except instead of it pushing them apart, it pulls them closer together - will climbs right up into the hedge where merlin is standing so they can sit next to each other and talk.

like. he’s angry! but the instinct isn’t to storm away, it’s to get closer.

i love that so much. i love how they’re starting to have another argument and merlin stands there and says “why are you being like this,” to which will, already upset, responds “you know why,” BUT -

but

will stalks up into that hedge and plops himself down right next to merlin, and merlin, without a moment’s hesitation, sits down beside him.

i love that. they’re angry with each other, but their first instinct is still to close the distance.

i wonder, sometimes, how much of that is a function of them only having each other. when you’re on the outs with someone, usually you can lean on your other friends, but what can they do? it’s different when the person you usually seek out for comfort is the same person who’s pissing you off. you don’t have anyone else to run to, so you can’t ever really storm off. you have to learn how to hash things out. you have to learn how to make it work. you have to learn not to give up on each other.

vii. she was so angry

the implied backstory for how merlin actually ended up in camelot is so painfully fascinating and, quite frankly, wrenching to think about, given how this episode eventually ends.

when will asks merlin why he left, merlin tells him, “it wasn’t what i wanted. my mother was worried. when she found out you knew - she was so angry.” this is telling us that merlin’s departure for camelot was directly preceded by his mother discovering that will knew about merlin’s magic. that is what ultimately prompted her to send merlin off to camelot. of course there would have been other contributing factors - it’s evident that merlin’s situation in ealdor has always been precarious - but her immediate reason for sending him away was the fact that she found out that will knew about merlin’s magic, and she was angry and afraid to learn that merlin had been lying to her about something that put him at risk.

“i wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“i know you wouldn’t.”

but merlin’s mother didn’t believe that, or she wouldn’t listen to him when he tried to tell her, and she shipped him off to camelot anyway, despite the fact that camelot is arguably more dangerous for merlin than ealdor ever was.

the web of how this played out is such a tangled mess. is it my fault, thinks will, before the episode even starts, desperately trying to figure out why merlin would abandon him like that. it’s my fault, thinks merlin, at the end, knowing that if he had used his magic sooner, or come back alone, events would have unfolded differently. it’s my fault, thinks hunith, realizing that the particular fear upon which she based merlin’s entire departure was utterly unfounded.

merlin doesn’t blame her for it, even though he has reason enough to be angry about it, by the end of this episode. he understands that she was just trying to protect him. but the truth of the matter is that she did make a mistake. she was afraid for him, and she saw danger everywhere, and so she made a misjudgment.

it’s the miniest of mini-arcs, but it’s there. at the end of this episode, right after will drops the Big Damn Lie, merlin looks desperately around for the only other person in the room who understands, and the camera rests on hunith’s face for one lingering moment, as she realizes what’s happening. when she’s exiting the house, there’s a shot where she pauses for a minute on her way out the door, staring back at her son's dying friend, who just offered himself up as a willing sacrifice to keep merlin’s secret safe.

she and merlin are the only people in the room who understand the real import of that moment, the real meaning of that gesture. they’re the only ones who know what’s happening, what it really means for will to say “i did it.”

hunith knows she misjudged that kid big-time.

viii. you can be my ride or die

so. will.

why am i even interested in him? what is it about this character that makes me want to write about him?

number one: i love him because he’s the only person we ever meet who cares exclusively about merlin.

everyone else merlin has met up until this point is either a) as beholden to camelot and arthur as merlin is himself, or b) aware of merlin’s “destiny,” which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but does change the way people talk to him and treat him.

it’s not that merlin doesn’t have people who care about him, but those relationships are not the same as the one he has with will. merlin is obviously #1 in his mom’s life, of course - but, importantly, even hunith’s immediate reaction to merlin’s uncertainty at the end of 1.10 is to tell him that he has to go back to camelot, that arthur needs him, that he’s “the other side of a coin.” this despite the fact that hunith has known arthur for all of five minutes and that merlin, in the moment where she talks to him, is in a lot of pain, and maybe it isn’t the most appropriate moment say, ‘hey, you absolutely must devote yourself to that guy i literally just watched lecture you about the evils of magic while attending your (supposedly magical) dead best friend’s funeral.’

and when it comes to merlin’s camelot network, well - he’s #1 in gaius’s life, too, but gaius also is deeply concerned with the greater good, with the future emergence of albion, with what merlin is meant to become and do. morgana and arthur - well, they don’t know merlin, first of all (really know him, all of him, the important bits) - they definitely like him well enough, and care about him in their way, but ultimately they’re royalty or pseudo-royalty and they have priorities that go beyond merlin, who, at the end of the day, is still a servant. gwen comes the closest to being on merlin’s level, but she doesn’t know him-know him either, and as time goes on she gets more involved with the Crown, with arthur, and with the responsibilities all of that brings. even merlin’s later friends all go on to have other missions - they absolutely all love him, but they all become knights, and they are as concerned about the well-being of the realm and the king as merlin is. even merlin HIMSELF puts arthur’s life ahead of his own - he defines his worth by how well he can protect his prince.

but will is the only person we ever meet who just cares about merlin - merlin the regular person, not the servant he pretends to be, or the legend he’s supposed to become. not the fake, non-magical merlin facade (which is what almost everyone else needs merlin to be before they can condescend to be his friend) and not some destiny-laden figure out of prophecy, either. will doesn’t know anything about destiny or prophecies. he’s never needed to know about any of that stuff to care. he’s always liked merlin. just merlin. just as he is.

that matters. all merlin ever does in this show is deny himself or be denied of the things every regular human being needs to thrive - love, acceptance, truth, safety. he constantly puts or is forced to put other priorities ahead of his own interests, to a point where now, by season five, he’s spent years defending a regime that oppresses him, protecting kings who would execute him.

will, in a display of true-to-character contrariness, upsets that entire narrative, because he does not care one whit about any of the things for which merlin is supposed to sacrifice his life. will gives less than zero (count them: negative zero) fucks about arthur pendragon, and he doesn’t care about camelot, and he wouldn’t know what “albion” meant if he heard the word. and it is refreshing - a blessed, beautiful, heartbreaking relief - to see one person in the world who only cares about merlin, for whom arthur pendragon, in comparison with merlin, isn’t the slightest bit important. arthur isn’t even on the map. he’s a non-entity. he doesn’t exist.

it’s a complete inversion of the way things are supposed to go, in this story. you know how it goes - arthur is the once and future king, and merlin’s job is to usher in his reign. "maybe that is its purpose,” gaius says, about merlin’s magic being meant to protect arthur, about merlin being born this way for that particular reason. it’s merlin’s job to save arthur’s life. it’s merlin’s job to teach arthur to be a better person, at his own expense. it’s all for arthur. i give my life for arthur’s. his life is worth a hundred of mine. what is the life of a servant compared with that of a prince?

will delivers the biggest fuck-you to that entire framework, because he doesn’t assess merlin’s worth based on what merlin can do for some random prince on the other side of the border. merlin’s magic wasn’t purposed for anything, as far as will is concerned. it doesn’t need to justify itself. it just is. it’s just who merlin is.

and who merlin is has always been just fine.

ix. am i the only one wondering who the hell this is

for will, it’s people like arthur who need to justify themselves. arthur with all of his power, arthur riding into little villages with his sword drawn, arthur and his bossing around and his “now, merlin!” conversation-interrupting. will makes no allowances for wealth and couldn’t be less interested in royalty - his frame of reference isn’t you’re the once and future king and merlin exists to prop you up; it’s who the hell are you? what gives you the right to be here? what did you do to earn what you have?

will, like gwaine after him, is acutely aware of the injustice of the reigning social system, and he’s not afraid to throw it in arthur’s face. he knows that people like himself and merlin and all of their neighbors are unjustly disadvantaged from birth until death, and he knows they’re disadvantaged solely because the people at the top of the social chain are greedy lords who sow no seed but reap all the grain, who do no work but enjoy the greatest rewards, who steal from the people with impunity and call it divine entitlement. will knows that he and merlin and all of their neighbors are considered no better than plow-beasts or war-fodder, and he knows that there is absolutely nothing they can do to stop the nobility from either taxing them into starvation or sending them off to die in a ditch - which makes him impossibly angry, and, unlike everybody else in his village, he’s not shy about saying so.

will is, at this point, literally the first non-villain to look at arthur and not immediately see some messianic pinnacle of human greatness - which is refreshing, to be honest, and fair enough besides! he’s evaluating arthur from merlin’s side of things, after all, which nobody - including merlin - ever does, and while i love arthur as much as anybody - for the people’s hero that he could be, and for what he is, sometimes, if not frequently enough - the truth is that he’s not good for all of his people, not yet, and he’s not good for merlin, not the way things stand right now.

will knows that. he looks at arthur and sees a guy with a lot of power, who also happens to rule over the the least magic-friendly place in the five kingdoms, to whom merlin needs to lie in order to avoid the executioner’s block, and he sees merlin deluding himself into thinking that this supremely unequal, extremely unsafe situation counts as friendship.

now, is will’s assessment of the situation a snap judgment based on personal encounters with an unjust social system and very limited knowledge of arthur as a person? yes, definitely. are there nuances to merlin and arthur’s relationship that he’s missing? absolutely.

is he wrong?

not really. and merlin knows it.

x. friends don’t lord it over one another!

i think about that line every damn episode.

over and over again, it comes back to me. i hear it every time arthur gets On His Shit and invokes power he pretends not to have, every time i see more evidence of how this supposed “friendship” between him and merlin is inherently imbalanced. it’s my favorite thing will says in all of 1.10, because it is so true and yet, most of the time, so unacknowledged as a dynamic.

we’re meant to love arthur and merlin together, and we do - i do; i do; when i see those moments that approach true mutual respect and care between them i am as swept up by the potential beauty of this friendship as anyone - but i still think about this line all the time. it’s not right, the power dynamic between the two of them. it’s not just about servants vs. royalty, though of course that’s a structural part of how it plays out. it’s about the fact that, in a real friendship, one person can’t just whip out “you ever say anything like that again, and i swear you’ll join her in exile forever” to shut down a conversation and cow you into silence. one person can’t just throw you in jail to spend a night “cooling off,” and they definitely can’t arrest you whenever someone levels a random accusation at you. in a real friendship, it’s not one person who has all the power.

but when it comes to arthur and merlin, that’s exactly what happens. arthur gets to decide when he and merlin are and aren’t friends. arthur gets to call merlin in or send him away. arthur gets to make all the decisions about when to listen, when to ignore, when to trust, when to believe. merlin can nudge, encourage, suggest, even defy, but ultimately, when you get right down to it, arthur is the king, and merlin is his servant, a dynamic which is compounded by the deadly particulars of merlin’s situation. the relationship isn’t unequal solely because of a difference in social class, it’s unequal because arthur literally has the power of life and death over merlin. arthur could (and would, as far as merlin knows) have merlin executed any day of the week, if he found out who merlin really was.

that’s why when merlin tries to tell will that arthur is his friend, will snaps, “friends don’t lord it over one another!” it’s not that you can’t care about someone who has more power than you, and it’s not that you can’t have some kind of relationship with them, but it is not real friendship if you think your “friend” will kill you when they find out who you really are. it is not a real friendship if you have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to preserve the relationship. real friends don’t leverage impossible amounts of power to shut you up when you say something they don’t want to hear. real friends don’t say things like “you’ll be a friend for life if you do [x thing]” to convince you to lie to their dad while they go out with a girl and thus get you clapped in the stocks three times in a row, and then turn around and show their appreciation by letting people raid and ransack your house multiple times, throwing you in jail at least twice, accusing (and once nearly executing!) your loyal long-serving mentor more than once - among innumerable other issues. real friends aren’t “you’re my friend when i need you to be, but not when it’s inconvenient.” they don’t have the kind of power to turn things on and off whenever they want.

i love that will is the only person who ever acknowledges this, across five seasons of this show. i love that he spits it out immediately, without hesitation, the minute merlin tries to makes things sound better than they are. i love that he says it unapologetically, to merlin’s face, because he says it for merlin’s sake, after all - the point of saying ‘friends don’t lord it over one another’ is to say ‘that guy doesn’t appreciate you the way you appreciate him/this isn’t reciprocal and he’s taking advantage of you/this isn’t the friendship you want it to be and i don’t like seeing you settle for this.’ will is that friend who watches you interact with someone and then later gets in your business like ‘EXCUSE ME! I DO NOT LIKE HOW HE TALKS TO YOU! I DON’T LIKE HOW HE TREATS YOU!'

will knows that merlin deserves better than arthur pendragon, even when merlin himself won’t concede that point. merlin won’t advocate for himself, so will tries to do it for him. merlin can try to convince himself that arthur is a real friend all he wants, but will knows what’s up. he knows. he knows where this is going, if merlin’s relationship with arthur is allowed to continue on exactly as-is. will knows, from the very beginning, that this is a recipe for disaster.

[addendum 2020: speaking from a post season-5 perspective...will understood where merlin and arthur were headed long before even we the audience did.]

xi. friends don’t lord it over one another [reprise]

you know what real friends do do for each other, though?

a) listen - even when they don’t like what the other person is saying

b) care - even when they’re angry

that’s it. that’s what matters.

we don’t need more than an hour of watching will and merlin onscreen together to see that this is how they interact with each other. they’re arguing for most of this episode, and they’re both right, in different ways, but by the time they’ve had it out with one another, they both understand where their own arguments were wrong, too. they listen to each other despite the fact that they’re angry, and despite the fact that they both have very strong feelings about their respective positions. they care enough about each other to look past their personal injuries and accept where the other person is coming from.

merlin starts off this episode absolutely dead-set against using his magic to help ealdor, if there’s any chance arthur could find out about it. but later, before he and will have even officially reconciled onscreen, we can already see that he’s been listening to what will’s been saying, that he’s come around to will’s way of thinking, because he tells his mother “if it comes down to a choice between revealing who i truly am and saving lives - that’s no choice at all,” hearkening back to will’s “are you telling me you’d rather keep your magic a secret for arthur’s sake than use it to protect your friends and family?” and: “if arthur doesn’t accept me for who i am...well...then he’s not the friend i hoped he was” (you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.)

merlin has been listening the whole time, even if he didn’t like what will was saying.

and the same goes for will, too. he’s (understandably!) bitter about merlin’s situation, about the way merlin left, about the new life merlin built for himself while will was suffering in a confused limbo of abandonment at home - and will also obviously thinks the Farmers’ Resistance is a total disaster, a noble-spun farce that’s going to get good people killed - but even though he doesn’t trust the camelot contingent and couldn’t give fewer shits about prince arthur pendragon specifically, he trusts merlin. he listens to merlin, even though they’ve been fighting. he comes back because merlin keeps telling him it’s the right thing to do.

they both listen, even when it seems like they’re just arguing with each other. and they both acknowledge where the other person was right, even when it means making themselves vulnerable. will comes back to help his neighbors fight a battle against hopeless odds. merlin exposes his magic to save people’s lives.

they teach each other how to do the right thing. they make each other brave.

xii. you just saved my life

let’s talk about being brave, then.

this kid jumps in front of a crossbow for a guy he doesn’t even like.

can we be clear about that? will doesn’t even LIKE arthur. he doesn’t particularly care about him. he doesn’t accept him as the noble savior of all mankind. he isn’t interested in defending the nobility, and he certainly hasn’t jumped on the camelot bandwagon. just because he’s seen that arthur wasn’t planning on sending them all to their deaths without risking his own neck doesn’t mean will is suddenly going to start flying the pendragon crest from atop his house.

but he isn’t going to step back and let a coward shoot another man in the back, either.

arthur’s still a prince, yeah. arthur’s still sitting at the tip-top of an unjust social system, benefitting from all kinds of privileges he didn’t earn. arthur’s still a crappy friend to merlin. heck, two seconds before that crossbow gets fired, arthur’s gone full-on inquisition-mode, interrogating merlin about sorcery, which, given that arthur can just go ahead and have merlin executed with a snap of his fingers, isn’t a great way to earn will’s respect or trust.

but you know what? when it comes down to it, will’s automatic, reflexive reaction upon seeing someone in immediate danger is to Get In The Way.

it doesn’t matter that will doesn’t like arthur. it doesn’t even matter that he actively dislikes arthur. will doesn’t even think about it, he just moves. instinctively. automatically. he isn’t going to let anyone standing right in front of him get murdered with their back turned, no matter how much he can’t stand them.

let’s all take a second to remember and acknowledge something in arthur’s stead, since i’m not sure arthur will do it himself - arthur pendragon would have been dead right there if it weren’t for a dirt-poor peasant farmer from cenred’s kingdom who never had anything nice to say to a prince but still stepped between a pendragon and a crossbow in the name of doing the right thing. without will, the story would have ended in season 1, episode 10. albion itself owes its future existence to a young man with no surname who will never be acknowledged or recognized for anything he did, not for teaching the future king a lesson in humility, not for saving the prince’s life, and certainly not for the greatest and most noble move he ever made, because that gesture’s success is predicated upon its remaining a secret.

this kid saves the entire World That Will Be. the show would have ended before it ever really began, if not for our man prince william of ealdor.

merlin knows that, and merlin never forgets it. but i’m not so sure about everyone else.

xiii. yeah, don’t know what i was thinking

let’s talk about defiance.

this kid is dying, and he’s still full of piss and vinegar. when arthur says, wide-eyed, “you’re a sorcerer,” will responds, “yeah. what are you going to do, kill me?”

what a power move. what a thing to say.

that’s not a question. that is a no-fucks-given, shame-and-blame challenge.

what are you going to do, kill me?

merlin uses those exact same words during his confrontation with morgana in 3.02. when he’s trapped - when he’s cornered and betrayed and angry - he reaches for the kind of defiance he once saw exercised on his own behalf, for a shameless bravery that burned itself into his brain. for the kind of strength he wants to channel himself.

when it comes to holding your ground in front of the pendragon dynasty, merlin learned from the best.

xiv. and i’m prince william, of ealdor

let’s talk about names.

william: from wil (will or determination) and helm (protection, a helm)

hence the common translation of resolute protector.

which, given the events of 1.10, seems very fitting.

xv. i did it

let’s talk about lies.

because resolute protector rings even more powerfully true when it comes to merlin than it does for arthur.

at the time of this writing, i have four more episodes to watch before i’m done with season 5. at this point, at the end of the show, merlin’s magic is still a secret. merlin’s gotten involved in a lot of dangerous situations, risking his life in other ways, but the one danger he’s never had to really confront is the executioner’s block, because none of the pendragons know his secret.

and the reason none of the pendragons know his secret is thanks to our boy prince william of ealdor, who turns his own untimely death into a last-second rescue operation by telling the Biggest Damn Lie of his life and then doubling down on it when merlin tries to tell him no.

will is the one who secures merlin’s next five years of relative safety. not from all of life’s dangers, of course; no one can do that - but when it comes to merlin’s greatest fear, the worst outcome, the prospect of being dragged out of his home in chains and murdered in front of an ogling crowd for just existing - will buys merlin’s escape from that fate with his life. merlin remains hidden and unexposed to this very day because will died protecting his secret, because will lied to the prince of magic-hunting and invited upon himself all of the risk and scorn and danger and condemnation that a false confession like that entailed.

i honestly don’t know how to express clearly enough the enormity of that moment. the momentousness of that gesture. i called it a bold and tremendous lie in some other post somewhere, and i don’t know how else to capture what it was. the thought of what it would mean, to be merlin, and to see someone throw themselves on the block for your sake, for your safety and your future and your freedom, when the rest of the world and every message you’ve ever absorbed says you don’t deserve to be safe, you don’t deserve to be free, you don’t deserve to exist.

it is impossible to overstate how much that matters. merlin carries that with him for the rest of his life.

xvi: i can’t fight you anymore (it’s you i’m fighting for)

let’s talk about love, okay?

this ep is called the moment of truth, right?

so here are some truths about will. in the time that we spend with him, we come to understand that he is the following:

a poor peasant kid with nothing to his name

a kid whose father is dead

a kid whose mother is either dead or absent

a kid who “people are used to ignoring”

a kid who’s been making his own way through this backbreaking subsistence-farmer’s life with no grown-ups to hold him or help him or listen to him when he comes home at night

a kid who isn’t trusted to protect merlin’s secret, even by merlin’s own mother, whom will has known for his entire life

a kid whose only friend in the world fucked off to the country next door without a hint of warning or any indication that it was something that should matter to either one of them, making will think he misread the only meaningful relationship he’s ever had, because if merlin can just vanish to nowhere and not even bother to send a note, then either merlin wasn’t actually his friend to begin with or merlin was his friend at one time but doesn’t want to be anymore, both of which options are soul-crushing

a closed-off, heavily-armored, hurting kid who’s been unspeakably lonely for the past few months but also angry and ashamed at himself for feeling that way, because how stupid did he have to be, to think that he mattered to someone, that someone would ever want him or love him or need him or miss him, to think that this time would be different, that this time somebody wouldn’t leave him -

and even in this state - even in the midst of all this -

at the moment of truth, he still puts himself on the chopping block. he still says, “you’ll have to go through me.”

he comes through for merlin. of course he does. the irony is bitter and beautiful - hunith sent merlin away precisely because she didn’t trust that merlin would be safe with will knowing about his magic, but in the end it’s will who gives up everything to keep merlin’s secret concealed.

not just to keep it concealed, even - to reverse merlin being outed. merlin had already been exposed. the deed was done! the magic was seen! it was all over - and then, miraculously, it wasn’t. what will did was the only way merlin could ever have slipped safely back under the cover of secrecy.

will didn’t have to do that. he didn’t have to lie about performing magic, and he didn’t have to save arthur, either. it would have been better for will to let arthur die, in fact, and it would have been better for him to let merlin get caught, too, because ‘maybe then merlin would have to stay here with me’ - but will is so much better than petty revenge. he’s so much better than anybody ever gives him credit for, merlin excepted.

the fight will has with merlin doesn’t matter to him, in the end. it was a complicated situation for both of them; will knows this. if he weren’t dying now, he and merlin would have talked it out and made up - will knows that, too. things could have gone a little smoother between them, maybe, and will still thinks going back to camelot is less than what merlin deserves, but it’s what merlin wants, and the mark of truly loving someone is when you want the best for them, even if it means you don’t get what you want for yourself. so ultimately, when it comes down to it, the truth for will is this: he wants merlin to have a good life. he wants merlin to be safe. he wants merlin to be happy. he wants merlin to be with him, too, but if he can’t have that, it’s no reason to withhold any of the other gifts he can bestow. if one of those gifts is freedom, if one of those gifts is safety - it’s no choice at all.

merlin is will’s one good thing. merlin deserves everything will can give him, as far as will is concerned.

xvii. the only place worth being

this place has been boring without you.

what a thing to tell someone.

what a powerful thing to say to someone whose entire life up to this point has been a litany of ‘there’s something wrong with you,’ ‘you don’t belong here,’ ‘you’re cursed/broken/wrong/unnatural.’ what a dauntlessly loving thing to tell someone whose entire life has been the message ‘people like you deserve to die,’ over and over and over again.

what a singularly beautiful thing it is, for someone like merlin to hear ‘you are what makes this place worth living in.’

xviii: the only one worth seeing

likewise it’s good to see you again.

because it’s not just “it’s good to see you again;” it’s an acknowledgement that merlin is the last person will is ever going to see.

and will is like, okay.

he’d rather be alive, yeah, but if he had choose - it’s good that it’s you.

xix: the only bed worth sleeping in (is the one right next to you)

the most devastating moment in this sequence, for me, is at the very end, when will confesses fear.

it doesn’t happen until everything else has been taken care of. arthur’s been fooled, merlin’s been safely shuffled back under the cover of secrecy, everybody’s been taken in by the ruse and sent away, none the wiser - all the necessary and important business has been dealt with.

only at the very, very end does will’s own predicament rear its ugly head. only after everything else is done does he even allow himself to feel it. he’s spent the rest of this sequence making jokes and roasting arthur and keeping it all together, but at the last second, when he falters, he comes undone for the only person he trusts, the only person who understands him, the only person in the world who gives a damn about him. his defenses come down, in that last moment, for merlin - and it could ONLY be for merlin - when will says, “merlin, i’m scared.”

we don’t need anything else, to understand their relationship. we’ve seen enough of will by now to recognize that he keeps the world at arm’s length, that even his walls have walls, that this is just not the sort of thing he would ever admit to. confessions of pain? acknowledging vulnerability? never. he’s not that kind of character. we know he has a big heart - look at what he’s doing - but we also know he’s had a hard life. he’s wrapped himself in layers upon layers of protection - snark and anger and deflection and sarcasm and still making jokes at the prince’s expense after being shot in the chest - nobody is allowed to see him open and undefended, never.

except merlin.

will is dying. he is so young. he has been so alone, for so much of his life, and he’s so young, and he’s dying. he clutches for this lifeline like it’s the only thing he has, because it is the only thing he has - merlin is his only friend. merlin is the person will loves best in the whole world.

merlin, i’m scared.

that is so unbelievably vulnerable. that is so utterly naked. that is totally defenseless, exposed, belly-up and barethroated under someone else’s burning gaze.

that is absolute trust. will would never have said that in front of anyone else. he would never have allowed anyone else to see him like that.

his confession is, like pretty much everything else he ever does, for merlin alone.

xx. your heart is on my sleeve

merlin, will keeps repeating. merlin.

how much do you have to love someone, to make their name your last words? how much do you have to care about someone, for that to be the only thing you can think to say, again and again, in your last terrified moments on this earth?

that’s a rhetorical question.

i know how much.

xxi: i missed you too

i think, sometimes, about will, when i watch the later seasons of merlin, and about how he would feel if he could see what merlin’s life has turned into.

i sometimes wonder how he would feel, if he could see how merlin allows himself to be passed over, disbelieved, disrespected. if he could see how merlin has started to define his worth in terms of how well he is able to protect Some Dude who doesn’t even know who merlin is, who keeps people like merlin trapped in the shadows of subjugation, hidden citizens in their own kingdom. if will could see how merlin has laid his entire life down for other people’s enrichment, if he could see how little hope merlin now holds for his own happiness, if he could see the way merlin in S5 has given up on his own liberation -

i don’t have to guess what will would say about it. i know how he would feel. if will could see merlin in season 5, his raging little heart would break.

i wish he were here to tell merlin exactly what he thought about it. merlin does all this self-sacrificing for the sake of his “destiny”; whereas will would think that any destiny making merlin this miserable was a steaming pile of trash. will would tell kilgharrah to get lost, and to take his questionable advice with him. will would tell arthur to fuck off - he’s done it already, in slightly less explicit terms.

does that mean i truly think merlin is supposed to abandon his mission and ditch camelot and run off to live his own life? no. merlin cares too much about making the world a better place to be truly happy with that kind of existence; he wants to change things for the common good; he wants to help the people he cares about. but merlin, as he tries to fulfill his mission, is desperately missing will’s kind of support in his life. merlin needs someone who is only here for him. he needs someone who is going to get up in his face and remind him, “you matter.” he needs someone to tell him, “you deserve better than this.” he needs someone who isn’t afraid to tell destiny to fuck off, when telling destiny to fuck off is in merlin’s best interests.

merlin needs someone who is on his side.

not camelot’s side. not albion’s side. not arthur’s side.

HIS side. merlin’s side.

xxii: he still is

the thing about will, then, for me, is this: i can’t minimize him.

i can’t do it. i can’t diminish that part of merlin’s life.

i don’t think it’s possible to overestimate his importance, frankly. merlin, when we meet him, has only ever had two people in his life. that is such an...unfathomable experience, for many of us. just two people. just two people to know you. just two people to love you. just two people, for your whole life.

will wasn’t just some friend. will was half of merlin’s world.

fannish pursuits that i have seen...the things where will appears are already so limited, and of course that’s completely understandable - it’s not like he’s a main character, or even a side character, by any means; i totally get that. but - so much of what i see is him serving solely as a set-up for merlin/arthur, or otherwise being shoved out of the way as soon as arthur shows up on the scene, or showing up only to be a receptacle for discussion about arthur and merlin’s developing relationship - even will and merlin’s own ship tag is 90% merlin/arthur fics.

and there’s nothing wrong with this, ultimately; everybody should continue to write exactly what they want and enjoy exactly what they want; that’s the fun of fandom. i mention these things here only because for me, personally, the whole point of will’s character is that merlin’s life is bigger than just arthur. the most important relationship merlin had for most of his life had zip-zero-nothing to do with arthur pendragon, and it still has zip-zero-nothing to do with arthur pendragon, after will is dead.

you remember will’s funeral at the end of 1.10? arthur has an entire conversation (a horrible one, fyi) with merlin, and merlin doesn’t look at him once. he answers arthur’s questions because he has to, but his eyes never once leave the pyre in front of him - not while he’s listening, not while he’s talking, not once. not ever. arthur comes, arthur chastises, and arthur goes, all without being granted so much as a glance, because this isn’t about him. this is none of his business.

the whole point of will is that it is possible for someone to love merlin and not give a tinker’s cuss about arthur pendragon. the whole point of will is that having someone love merlin without caring about arthur pendragon is, in fact, a good thing. merlin needs somebody like that in his life. he struggles when he doesn’t have someone like this around to advocate for him. just look at where he is in season 5 - look at what his life has become, when it’s been years since he had an in-the-know friend.

merlin suffers when he loses this kind of support. it’s easy to say that will is never mentioned again after 1.10, but there are real reasons why merlin wouldn’t be willing to explicitly mention him, and the lack of explicit references doesn’t mean we can’t still see him, if we pay attention. we see the immediate impact of his death in merlin’s attitude shift in 1.11. we see him in 2.02, when merlin names his fake tournament knight sir william and spends the rest of the episode roasting arthur to within an inch of his life. we see him in the season 3 opener, when morgana levels her sword at merlin and the first thing that pops out of merlin’s mouth is “what are you going to do, kill me?” we see him in gwaine’s intro episode, when merlin immediately cleaves to this class-conscious ‘people get sick of me too quickly’ stranger whose father was killed fighting one of the king’s wars. and his absence is felt, more generally (as is lancelot’s) in how quickly merlin’s life starts to spiral out of control once the only two honest friends he ever had are gone. their loss doesn’t have to be explicitly referenced for us to understand that merlin, without that kind of support system, is faltering. we see it happening with our own eyes.

[edit, post-viewing-of-S5-finale: and we see where it eventually leads, too.]

so, once again, as i said - i can’t minimize this character. i can’t overstate the positive impact of merlin having somebody who was here for him and only him, who affirmed merlin’s value independently of arthur pendragon’s fate, who knew and loved merlin without caring about a “destiny” that ultimately, in the end, turned out to be a cruel joke made at merlin’s expense.

if will had lived, i’m not sure we would have ended up in quite so dark a place. we might have landed in some other tight spot, sure, but i can tell you one thing for certain - will would not have sat quietly by and allowed merlin to throw his life away, not for camelot, not for arthur, and certainly not for a parade of empty promises.

xxiii: where you are, there i’ll be

the bottom line is this.

merlin spent the first two decades of his life with one friend.

one.

loved by one friend.

one.

merlin had his mother, who was there for him from the beginning, whose love was unconditional, who was an “of course.”

and he had will, who chose merlin, who kept choosing merlin even after merlin told him the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Secret. will’s presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin grows up believing himself to be deserving of love from people who aren’t his own mother. his presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin knows how to have and be a friend. his presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin is who he is - a merlin who’d spent his entire life without a single friend would not have been the same confident, optimistic, gregarious person who later walked into camelot and told arthur pendragon, “i’d never have a friend who could be such an ass.”

will mattered. we don’t talk about him much, because he only appeared in one episode, but it wasn’t “one episode” for merlin; it was closer to twenty years of companionship, of elbows in ribcages and smirks exchanged across the room and someone to natter on at, a person to sit next to and walk beside, in every season and all sorts of weather.

will chose merlin, and he kept right on choosing him, until he breathed his very last breath. that is enough for me to love him, to feel grateful that he existed. i don’t care how rough he is around the edges. i don’t care that he hates arthur pendragon’s guts, that he has a big mouth, that he speaks out of turn, that he has no tact, that he can’t suffer fools, that he has a chip on his shoulder the size of a minor planetoid and wings it at people’s heads when the mood is on him.

he loved merlin. actual, magical merlin; merlin as he truly is, merlin in all his gifted, unnatural, beautiful imperfection.

that is a desperately rare thing. that is worth celebrating.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #meta #<3

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jaskierskisses · 5 years ago

Text

I Know Each Corner From You (Part 1)

Geraskier Bath Scene Meta

Geraskier Meta. 1x04 meta. The Witcher (Netflix)

Hello my friends! I'm here again with another meta from this series of analysis about the show.

This time we are going to talk about episode 1x04 in two pieces, because is a large one...

Jaskier Knows Geralt Very Well

At the beginning of the episode 1x04, we have Jaskier asking a man about Geralt's last work. And is very interesting how he explains his excitement to the poor guy that's talking about his horrible experience...

Gif credit @vsnom

This is actually talking us about how much Jaskier knows Geralt. He already had written a lot of songs about his adventures, women knows about Geralt's scars thanks to Jaskier's songs. The Witcher is very popular thanks to him. He also knows even with the fateful end of the story, his friend is just fine.

Jaskier pays a lot of attention to each word coming from Geralt

Let's jump to the bath scene, I'm aware I came late into this fandom and there's a lot of bath scene good meta, I will just point some details I found in this delightful and very well maintained scene.

First of all, we have Jaskier throwing water over Geralt's head. Is like a kind of baptism or purification, if we think Geralt's lack of self love, or self image of a monster, as I said in my first meta. And Jaskier making this kind of .. purification, and immediately after that calling himself as the best friend the white will could have, is an attempt to reach Geralt's soul, and clean it: 'You deserve to be loved, you deserve to have friends, to have me.'

But Geralt reject that terminology, mostly he is rejecting to have friend, to have Jaskier as a friend, why? For the same reason he can't allow himself this kind of weakness. So Jaskier is not his friend.

But the bard knows him well, he knows why he is saying these things, playing the rock role.

And he dissemble his speech.

Gif credit @beautiful-paradise

So Jaskier strikes here, snapping at him the intimacy that requires such action. He is showing Geralt they're in that level of intimacy, friends or maybe more than that, Geralt's face is priceless, the gay panic.

Another intimate gesture that, coming from anyone else would ended with a punch in the face, maybe, is Jaskier taking off the beer from Geralt's hands... And not just that, but the pat in the shoulder, Geralt hora rigid and bows his head, clenching his fist, holding back his uncomfortable feelings. He is not use to this kind of approaches with such fresh and nonchalantly air. But Jaskier has that effect on him. Jaskier is showing him, again, the level of intimacy they share. Even is Geralt denies it. Is there. All over the bath scene.

Let the bard heal you Geralt!

After this, Geralt shows his discomfort, by rejecting Jaskier free way to love people, he mentions Jaskier's sausage, as a disrespectful way to show him he repels that kind of life... And Jaskier reaction is this...

Gif credit @amethysthollis

Jaskier is like... "Mmmh... Interesting... Is he jealous?"

Because why to mention something like that? Is not Geralt's problem is Jaskier runs into every person he finds attractive and falls in love easily. In fact... Is just Jaskier's problem...

And this reminds me that book scene in the Sword of Destiny in which they share a bed and Jaskier asks Geralt Why he was mad at him about courting ladies, then he let a "At last...?"

Like a suggestive and unanswered question... At last... You are jealous...

Is because Jaskier has another intentions with Geralt, not just being his friend, but maybe something else, that he is so attentive to each word coming out from the Witcher. Trying to read the hidden intentions. So... Every little hint of possible feeling towards him, the bard will evaluate carefully.

Because Geralt is so stingy with the details... (The words) Jaskier needs to read the subtext of the few he says.

From now on, Jaskier seducing attitude goes more blatant. His movements and dialogues will try to decipher if Geralt has maybe some jealousy, or of there's something more than friendship there.

He will say something that demonstrates he knows Geralt very well...

"You never get involve, except that you do that all the time..."

When Jaskier throws this, Geralt swings his head to see him, surprised by the accurate diagnosis. And that observation would explain why the white wolf doesn't want to call Jaskier his friend.

Then... And again trying to get some hint of jealousy... He starts talking about the persons he had courted and why he got in trouble because of that...

The whole scene Jaskier moves around like a graceful gazelle. At some point when he mentions why he needs Geralt's help, the bard is hanging clothes by the bathtub side, and he turns his body and head to watch the Witcher in such a suggestive and seductively way, showing us his seductive intentions, and paying attention to Geralt reaction to that, because the first time he was giving him the back, but now he can see the white wolf face, and check if he gets jealous or not. And what he sees, is absolutely priceless. Geralt is mad at him.

"Oh yes! That face!" The bard shouts kind of amused, playing around... That's the face he was expecting. Maybe he concluded that his seduction adventures with other people... Gets Geralt really mad... And that's a very delicious discover for the bard.

And yet, here we are

The climax of the intimate scene is reached when Jaskier, after testing waters with Geralt, tries to decipher what he really desire, what pleases the Witcher. So he starts with a empathic dialogue, talking about Geralt's different condition as a Witcher. His almost eternal existence and old age. He knows each man desires something in his heart. The white wolf isn't different. And Jaskier is curious because maybe, he could offer that to him.

The sincerity of his intentions maybe could be pass as unnoticed, but to Geralt, Is purely try to answer to one question he had never made to himself. What do you want for yourself?

Gifset credit @randomlyrj

Jaskier will always be the light at the end of the dark tunnel , he represents the hopes, so he is aiming maybe for Geralt's retirement, and maybe, he could join him? We know his intentions were honest, because in episode 1x06 he will propose the Witcher to ran away with him to the coast.

Even if Geralt never had to answer that, he closes again, he shows that wall he put surrounding him. The tough witcher wants nothing. Is a lie he keeps saying to himself, for the same reason he feels.inside a monster, he thinks he doesn't deserve a good ending.

Jaskier crushes against that wall, he really wanted another different answer from Geralt. Disappointment, watching at his nails... (Okay please @mrsaquaman187 you have to help here too with the body language of this scene, please) but I see disappointment at first, and then, "Oh hell, I will go to the point anyway!" Face... And he shoots this now classic quote...

Look how he walks forward, pouting, seductively again, laying down, his eyes fixed on Geralt. Focused on him. Because this scene was all about Geralt's words, and Geralt's reactions, and Geralt needs, and Geralt's desires.

This makes those words flirty, Jaskier is flirting with Geralt here, because his whole body is focused with seduction on Geralt. Because the bard wants to be clear here. He wants Geralt.

Even if Geralt doesn't want himself, he wants him.

Geralt avoids Jaskier gaze when he says I NEED NO ONE. Because that's something sad... But then he locks his eyes with the bard's, to make it clear that THE LAST THING HE WANTS

IS SOMEONE NEEDING HIM. Like... Breaking every little hopes in Jaskier. Saying to him, don't get close to me. Don't need me. I don't want to need you. Back off Bard! (As he yelled at him at the beginning of the episode).

But Jaskier insist... And goes wild...

This quote is an asseveration to the observation Jaskier made before... You don't get involve except you do it all the time.

And yet... Here we are.

Geralt says things that he doesn't really feel. Is the opposite.

And Geralt gets uncomfortable again, he detects Jaskier intentions, he feels awkward, and he wants to ran away from there. Some gay panic, trying to change subject asking for his clothes.

To Conclude

The bath scene was full of intimacy. Focused entirely in Geralt, Jaskier tried to get inside the Witcher's head and true desires.

Jaskier is very insightful, so he knows Geralt, Each corner of him, and he investigate with clinical eye each word the white wolf says.

Showing a couple of foreshadows, will open the door to Ciri and Yennefer, two characters that will be part of Geralt's intimate circle.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @agusvedder @mrsaquaman187 @mylastwish @spnsmile @jawnlockwinchester

If you want to be added to this list, just let me know.

If you want to read my previous metas From the Witcher, here you have the links:

1x01

1x02 (1)

1x02 (2)

1x03

Buenos Aires, April 15th 2020 9:15 PM

#geraskier #geraskier meta #the witcher meta #1x04 meta

164 notes · View notes

ethelphantom · 5 years ago

Text

Form A Family Of Our Own

Just silliness and fluff and lots of romance and attempts at humour here, and absolutely no angst. You’re welcome! It’s a continuation to the Timari Soulmates Secret Santa I created for @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry, though I’m just skipping things in the chronological order (aka the BartAdrien reveal but we all knew that was going to happen so it’s fine. This is also my Maribat March day 9, Sleepover at the same time. Have fun!

Ao3 | Part 1 | Part 2

This is Maribat -- don’t like; don’t read

_____________________

“Does everyone have everything they need? No one needs to use Mari to use the puppy eyes to get Dick to go to the store?”

Marinette laughed at Tim’s words while the others shook their heads. They had checked they had everything at least thrice already, it wasn’t going to change no matter how many times he wanted them to make sure of it. When Tim still didn’t look convinced, Marinette simply grabbed his wrist and stroked the skin with her thumb to help him calm down, just like he sometimes did for her.

After all, touching your soulmate’s mark would always be a comforting feeling.

Tim’s shoulders slumped a little as he relaxed before he turned to her and smiled gently. Marinette recognised this as a silent thank you, and so she beamed in response.

“Are we ready to ruin everyone else’s day now?” Conner then asked, leaning against the doorframe. He seemed to be trying to look relaxed and not in the least excited for this, but they all knew better, considering he seemed to be itching to go do just that.

“Oh yeah. I’ve got the cameras and the scavenger lists. Two teams of three, soulmates in the opposite—” Cassie began, but after she got the puppy face from both Bart and Adrien, she sighed in resignation. “Fine, soulmates in the same team. This is why I’m not supposed to look at either of them while giving orders. Damn it.”

Tim rolled his eyes. All of their friends were idiots (“Like you aren’t as well,” an accusing voice said in his head, and it was a bit concerning how much it sounded like Marinette), but they were also the best — Tim wouldn’t change them for the world.

“I love how the rule is supposed to be ‘no metas in Gotham’, but we’re getting like three metas and two that technically count as metas because Miraculous coming anyway to the home of the one that actually originally set said rule in place,” Adrien mused, remembering what he’d been told at some point after the reveal. And after they had already met Cassie.

Marinette let out an amused laugh. “Oh yeah. Anyway. Could someone please get our bags to the Manor so we can just start with the scavenger hunt?”

“On it!”

There was a flash as all their bags, Conner and Bart disappeared and Cassie took out a clock. She watched it tick for a few seconds before she lifted her gaze again to find her missing friends. “You’re slow. It took you two nearly ten seconds. We’re not even outside the city boundaries, boys.”

“Well, fuck you too, we were carrying five bags each because some of us don’t know how to pack small.”

Cassie simply flipped Conner off before she handed him a scavenger list. “You wanna be with Tim and Mari or Bart and Adrien? I’m fine with either one, just decide fast.”

“Bart. And Adrien, I guess.”

“HEY! ”

Idiots, the lot of them.

It didn’t take them long to sort out into teams and get to the centre of the city. Mari, Tim and Cassie stood on one side, looking down at the people that were all a lot taller than them. Mari cocked her hips and tilted her head, her dark blue sundress following the movement.

“Oh, you’re going down, Chaton.”

“I don’t think so, Buginette — I’m not sacrificing my win even if I’d sacrifice my life for you.”

“Okay, too far too soon, go away.”

Their lists were as followed:

Ask a cashier for the nutritional value of an inedible thing

Act like a stranger were famous and ask for their autograph

+1 if you can get them to take a picture with you

Offer a stranger a penny for their thoughts

Ask a stranger to sign your petition against the euthanasia of rabid puppies

+1 if you can get them to sign your palm

Lie in the grass next to a road and pretend to be making snow angels

Ask the opposite gender if they believe in fate

Ask a stranger where the closest local Christmas festival is

+1 if/when they say they don’t know, ask them how else do they appease the gods

Ask if you can get a discount on a thing that costs less than a dollar

+1 if you pronounce it horribly wrong

+1 if you buy the product with pennies

Ask a stranger if they have seen your cat and proceed to describe a full-grown tiger

Knock on someone’s door and sing them a Christmas song

+1 if the person is a stranger

+1 if you sing Frozen’s Let It Go after you’ve said you’re going to sing a Christmas song

Fake a cheesy proposal in a public place

Ask a cashier if dentists recommend using a toothbrush

Ask a cashier if they have healthy cigarettes

+1 if they say no, you yell “you’re lying” and run away dramatically

Ask a stranger if they can see anyone and point to an empty spot

“You’ve got two hours. The clock starts now,” Tim announced, set an alarm in their group chat so everyone would hear, and then they were all running to get things done.

❋❋❋

“Alright, Bart, go on. You’re the first.”

“You’re not allowed to complain if you wanted to do the same thing, then.”

“Remember, if it involves talking with someone, you can’t be going on your own pace, especially not with a civilian! The camera won’t be able to catch it!”

“Well, your cameras suck!”

With a blink, Bart was standing in front of a door and knocked on it. Adrien, who was right behind Kon, had to contain his laughter somehow because he knew that to Bart whoever lived there was taking ages, even if it was less than a minute — and thus bearable — to him.

When the door was finally opened, Bart immediately started speaking. “Hello, are you interested in hearing Christmas carols?”

“...In the middle of the summer?”

“I know what I said.”

“Uh, no thank you. Have a nice day.”

Bart returned to them pouting. “They didn’t even give me a chance. I’m not that horrible of a singer,” he huffed, crossing his arms.

Adrien took Bart’s hand in his own and pressed a light kiss on his fingers. “Don’t worry, we still have plenty of time, and I doubt it was because of your singing voice. It’s just a weird thing to ask this time of the year. Try again.”

He did. Fortunately for Bart, the next-door neighbour opened their door much faster than the previous one.

“Hiya, are you interested in hearing Christmas carols?”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I guess. Sure, go ahead.”

And then Bart proceeded to sing Let It Go off-key. The person listening to him even applauded his singing and gave him a candy (that Kon forced him to throw away or at least not eat until Tim could do a check up on it in case someone was trying to poison him or something. The Bat paranoia was getting to all of them.) It was fun.

“So, three points for us. That was a great start, Bart!” Adrien said, checking the boxes on the list. “You did film it, right Kon?”

“Obviously. I wouldn’t accidentally not. Hold the camera, Adrien. We’re going to a shop now and annoy the heck out of everyone. Tim is so not going to be happy when he realises some of us might get banned from the shop forever,” he snickered.

“I’m already feeling sorry for the employees.”

“At least we aren’t about to be assholes, really.”

“No, just weird as hell. Maybe they’ll get a story or two to tell others and discuss in the break room when they’re talking about the weirdest and worst customers they’ve had.”

“Do they really do that?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Damn.”

It didn’t take them too long to arrive at the store. Adrien and Bart went in first, pretending to be actually considering buying something when Kon came in and looked around for a moment. Then he walked to an unsuspecting employee. “Excuse me, do you have any of those clairvoyance foes? I was thinking of getting one.”

“I must ask you to repeat what you asked for, sir, I’m afraid I didn’t quite catch it,” the woman working said.

“It’s alright. I meant classical woes.”

“I’m so sorry, sir, I must say I don’t understand what exactly you mean by that.”

“Clarification folds, miss.”

“Oh, do you perhaps mean classification folders?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“...Of course, sir. Yes, we do have those. Do you want me to show you where they are, or would you like me to just point you in the correct direction, sir?”

“If you could show me where they are, that would be great.”

“Of course, sir. This way.”

The woman led him through the shop as Kon glanced behind himself and saw Adrien following them from a safe distance. Bart looked like he was practically vibrating, like he wanted to do something, but all he could do was jerking aborted movements. Actually, scratch that, he probably was vibrating. Of course.

“Here they are. Is there anything else I could help you with?”

“Is it possible to get a discount on these?”

“I— I’m afraid not, sir, but they’re only a dollar so…”

“That’s fine. Thank you for your help anyway.”

“It was no problem.”

Once the woman was gone, Adrien and Bart walked to him. “Oh my kwami, I pity her so much. I’m genuinely sorry she had to deal with you and I’m kind of considering going to find her and give her a tip for dealing with you,” Adrien snorted after he cut off the filming. “I don’t even care that’s not a custom in stores, I still want to do it.”

Bart laughed. “I’m gonna go do just that if you give me some money.”

Adrien did. He gave him twenty dollars. He could almost feel Wayzz shaking his head at the two of them even despite the fact Wayzz was with Marinette at the very moment.

“I hope you’re ready to keep recording cuz I ain’t done yet,” Kon said, earning an eye roll from Adrien.

“Sure. Let’s do this.”

Adrien kept his distance while they were walking to the checkout, Bart appearing next to him at some point. Adrien bumped his shoulder against Bart’s to express he knew he was there, the act soon returned. A smile made its way to his lips. They only started paying attention to what Kon was doing when they heard him speaking to the cashier.

“Excuse me, mister, but what is the nutritional value of this thing?”

“I’m sorry to inform you, but folders aren’t edible.”

“I am aware. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have nutritional value.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what it is, sir. I’d only be able to find out if they had given me a list, but unfortunately, they did not.”

“Oh, alright. Well, I’d like to purchase it anyway.”

“That makes one dollar.”

“Sure, wait a second.”

Kon pulled out his wallet and went through his money, counting it silently and quickly. Then he offered the cashier a handful of coins — all of them pennies. The disbelieving face on the cashier’s face, as he started counting, was miserable and a little sad to see, but no helping it now. Thankfully the product only cost a dollar, it didn’t take him that long to do it.

After paying, he went back to the end of the line, waited it, and asked the same person if they had healthy cigarettes. The cashier looked rather resigned at that point but stayed polite and told him that no, they didn’t have those because those didn’t really exist, and “are you sure you’re old enough in the first place?”

Kon gasped loudly. “You’re lying!” he yelled and ran dramatically out. The other customers didn’t even pay attention to him as if it was just another day. It probably was. This was Gotham, after all. Bart and Adrien made their way out behind him, slipping a twenty-dollar bill to the man behind the checkout and quickly apologised he had to deal with that, “please accept this.”

Then they were out and laughing, even if still feeling bad for doing it.

“Mari would kill me if she had to see that, honestly. She used to do this at their bakery and god, the stories she sometimes tells me,” Adrien said, shaking his head. “I hope that paying for them for suffering because of us was good enough. I don’t really know what else I could have done to compensate for having to deal with us.”

“No one does!” Bart told him before he snatched the camera from him. “Go on, your turn, Sunflower!”

The nickname was kind of fitting — blond hair and being a bit taller than Bart tended to do that. Adrien blushed a little at the pet name and then forced himself to get his thoughts back on the trail.

He buried his head in his hands before taking a look at the list. Then he grinned, getting a wonderful idea. Hopefully, he wouldn’t hurt anyone by doing it. If he was lucky (for once, considering he was the Bad Luck incarnated), he would end up finding someone who would ake it more as a joke.

Stopping someone who didn’t look like she was in any hurry, Adrien asked, “Excuse me, but do you believe in fate?”

“Yeah, I guess. Why?” she responded. Adrien visibly slumped in relief.

“Oh thank god.”

“...What is it.”

“My soulmate and I were just arguing about it a second ago and I needed a new opinion. Now I can tell him he’s very very wrong, and that we clearly belong together ”

The girl looked at him like he was a ghost. For a second, Adrien was afraid he’d hurt her feelings and was ready to apologise, but then she burst out laughing and doubled over.

“Oh my god. That’s wonderful and so hilarious! God, I was afraid you were about to flirt with me, dude, but that’s so much better. I wish you and your soulmate the best of luck. Buy him his favourite food, maybe he’ll then accept that you’re meant to be,” she said smiling and winked. Then she punched him lightly in the arm. “Go on, dude, your perfect happy ending is waiting for you!”

Adrien could feel a wide smile spread on his face. “Thanks, I will! You go get your happy ending as well, whether you’ll find it in a passion, person or a pet!” They exchanged numbers and names (her name was Zoanne, and Adrien had a feeling they’d become good friends over time), both excited about it, and parted in good spirits. Adrien waved to her as he walked to where Bart was staring at them.

Once he actually paid attention to how both Conner and Bart looked like (staring at him, Conner not even focusing on the camera), he tilted his head and arched his eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Dude.”

“What?”

“Duuuudde.”

“What?”

“Only you. Only you could make a friend while doing a scavenger hunt task and basically also pranking her. Wow.”

Adrien just shrugged. He wondered how the girls and Tim were doing.

❋❋❋

Tim was the only one of them who still had any sense of shame or embarrassment at this point (and they’d already completed most of the points on the list between the two young women), but he was determined to win and actually do something for the win as well so he wouldn’t be able to care. Soon enough, he was walking up to a stranger as Marinette was filming.

“Excuse me, miss, but have you seen my cat? She’s a sweetheart and I lost her when I was out with my friends.”

“Oh, you have a cat? I’m sorry, I don’t think so, but what does she look like? I could try to pay attention in hopes to see her later.”

“She’s a beautiful orange with white in her face, chest, belly and the underside of her tail, she’s about this tall,” he put his hand at about his waist, “and she’s got a lot of black stripes. Also, she’s a bit loud when she decides she wants to talk, but it’s not that bad.”

The woman backed off slowly as he was talking with a concerned look on her face. She was gone before Tim finished talking.

Marinette shook her head fondly and placed the camera in Tim’s hands as he returned. “Have fun trying not to laugh behind the camera!”

She wondered around like she was looking for something worriedly. When someone came to ask her what was wrong, she internally congratulated herself.

“Well, Monsieur, I was looking for the nearest local Christmas festival. Do you know where one might be?” she asked, looking innocently at him. “I really do need to find one, preferably close.”

“In July? Yeah, I don’t think I know where one would be at this time of the year.”

Marinette adopted a horrified expression on her face. “But— But— How do you appease the gods you might have angered, then?”

“The what?”

“The gods, obviously.”

“What gods?”

“Those,” she said and pointed behind the man. When the man turned around, he was greeted by the violet eyes of the fox god of mischief and trickery as well as the orange eyes of the pink tiger goddess of stealth and the brown eyes of the small but way too enthusiastic monkey god of jubilation. On any other occasion, she wouldn’t let civilians see kwamii, but this was an exception and she had Wayzz hide them from the view of every other person that didn’t know of their existence already, so it was fine. The most likely case was, the man would forget about meeting the kwamii or think of it as a hallucination of sorts later on.

When the man looked back to where Marinette had been, she was already gone. It was too much fun to mess with people a little bit. She knew the kwamii would be following her and perfectly capable of keeping themselves hidden when she told them so, so she didn’t worry about them.

Cassie snickered as Tim signed she was done filming. “That was amazing. I’ll go next!”

She walked to another stranger, Tim and Mari following her from a distance. Tim already had his camera recording. “Oh my god!” she gasped when she noticed a young person standing alone at the corner of a clothing shop. “It’s you! God, I never thought I’d meet you in real life!” When she ran to them and jumped a little as though she was excited, she also let out a squeal.

The person looked at her weirdly. “Excuse me? Have we met?”

“No, but now we have and it’s the most amazing thing! I’m such a huge fan. Can I please have your autograph? I want to show all my friends I met you!”

“Uhh…. Sure.”

Cassie handed them a piece of paper and a pen (which, where did she even get them?) and watched in anticipation as they wrote their name on it. Then she pulled out her phone. “Could I take a selfie with you? Please? I’m not going to put it all over the social media if you want to keep your whereabouts private, but I just want a picture.”

The person seemed to be already done with her, and probably guessed that this was the quickest way to get rid of her. They agreed and crouched a little to fit in the same picture easily. Cassie did a little peace sign, acting her role of an enthusiastic fan with all her heart. It took Tim and Mari their everything to keep from laughing.

When Cassie returned to them, flipping her hair, Tim handed her the camera. “Film this as closely as you can,” he said in passing and walked where there were as many people as possible, to the park nearby, Marinette and Cassie following in his wake. When Marinette was close enough, he made his way to her and swiped strands of hair behind her ear.

“Marinette, my dear, I love you more than anything in this world, you know that, right?” At Marinette’s slow but still a little confused nod, he continued. “I’ve thought about this long and hard, and I’ve decided I would like to take the next big step in our relationship,” he said loud enough for the people nearby to hear.

“Every time I look in your eyes, I get a peaceful feeling. When I am around you, everything seems perfect. I promise that I will always be there for you in whatever you do and support you in ups and downs as long as I live. You give my life meaning and make it worth living. You’re the shoulder I can always trust to be there for me to lean on when I need it, you’re the one who I can always count on to be by my side. You were made for me, and I was made for you, and no matter what our souls are made of, mine and yours are the same.” Tim took a deep breath and looked at Marinette, whose eyes seemed to be glimmering as she bit her lip.

“In case you ever foolishly forget this one truth, let me declare it out loud for you, in front of all these people who are here to witness this: I am always thinking about you. I want to form a family of our own with you. Your words are written on my skin for the world to see who I belong to, a reminder for you should you ever doubt it. Feel free to doubt this world — doubt the stars are fire; Doubt that the Sun does move; doubt the truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love. I certainly have never had even a moment’s doubt of that. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. You’re the answer to all those lonely prayers at night when I wished for someone to be there one day, and every day I thank God or Fate or whoever gave me you that you’re here now.”

By then Marinette was openly crying and she had covered her mouth with her hands, but Tim kept on going. He was not done, and he was determined to make this proposal the cheesiest he possibly could. As the CEO of Wayne Enterprises, people were bound to notice, and he only had one shot at it. “And I will love you against all odds in this world. Let me defy fate, let me defy stars. Let me defy everyone and anyone who may deny love, who may deny our love. Above all, you are my love, you are my stars, you’re my galaxy.” Tim lowered himself on the ground, now on one knee in front of his soulmate, his Marinette. He produced a ring box from his pocket and held it open for her. “So, as my best friend and the love of my life, will you be my one and only or my everything?”

“Are you— Is this for real?” Marinette whispered, tears glimmering on her eyelashes and staining her cheeks. Tim nodded, biting his lip. He knew it was one of the things on the scavenger list, so he hoped Marinette wouldn’t take this as only one of them.

Marinette swallowed and smiled brightly. “Yes!” she breathed out and fell on her knees next to Tim, not really caring if the action had her scrape her knees. Tim placed the ruby ring with a diamond halo on her ring finger and pressed a kiss on her fingers before Marinette lost her patience, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips.

When they broke apart, they could hear the cheering of the crowd. Tim looked to the side to Cassie who gave him a thumbs-up, the camera still in hand, probably recording as well. Bart, Conner, Adrien and the entire family, as well as Jagged and Penny, were all standing behind them. Thank god he’d half-planned this and told them to get themselves over there at a specific time and to stay behind Cassie so they wouldn’t bother or distract him.

Adrien just ran to Marinette once they locked eyes and hugged her, congratulating her for the engagement. Bart slapped Tim’s back and did the same. When Tim got nothing from Conner, he raised his eyebrow because there was no way Conner stayed quiet about this without a very good reason.

“What is it.”

“Well. Technically, this can’t be counted as a point since you didn’t fake a proposal.”

“Fuck off.”

“You know I’m right.”

“Go away you overgrown toddler with too many leather jackets.”

“That’s such a creative insult you’ve got there, Timmy. Sounds like you had it memorised, even. How long have you been waiting for a time to use it?”

Tim just stuck out his tongue at Kon as Marinette and Cassie laughed at them.

Kwami, did Mari love her friends (and fiancé — she was never getting over being able to call him that.)

❋❋❋

“Alright. We gotta do something that is like, something people do at actual sleepovers,” Cassie announced as she flopped down on the mattress they had dragged into the biggest guestroom in the Manor they could find. The mattresses were all in a circle around their snacks so that it would be easy for them to talk and eat. Two of the mattresses were also bigger so Marinette could share with Tim and Bart could share his with Adrien. “I don’t know, like, trade secrets or gossip or… Oh, I know! Let’s play Never Have I Ever!”

The sly smirk on Cassie’s face did little to assure Mari or Tim this was a safe idea, but they were going to do it anyway, weren’t they.

“You did bring the shot glasses, didn’t you, Kon? Get them out, like, now. We gotta do this properly! And Adrien, you got the tequila, right? Please tell me it’s not flavoured.”

Adrien took out the bottles from his bag. “They are flavoured. Coconut, mango and chipotle.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”

Marinette saw it as a good moment to butt in. “Yeah, that works. Tim, choose the flavour.” She looked at her beloved next to her, poking his side when he didn’t answer.

“Huh? Oh. Uh, mango?”

“Alright, we’re going with that then. Adrien, can you please open the bottle?”

He did, and the game began. To the surprise of exactly no one, Cassie was the one to start. “Never have I ever ‘cleaned up’ by piling everything into a closet or pushing everything under my bed.”

She smiled as Tim, Bart and Marinette reached for the bottle with various states of grumbling, filling their glasses and downing them.

This evening was definitely going to end with them drunk. The only reason some of them wouldn’t be was if they were simply damn tolerant, which was basically what all of them except for Tim were — Adrien and Marinette because of the long use of the miraculous, Cassie because she was half goddess and technically an Amazon, Bart simply because of his fast digestion (damned Speedster), and well. Kon was Kon.

This was not going to end well, now was it.

“Alright, I’ll go next. Never have I ever lied to a police officer,” Adrien said. Marinette looked at him like he was crazy before it turned sour as she reached out for the bottle once again at the same time as the rest of them did. “Wait, how have you all lied to a police officer?”

“Well, Kitty, it might be because half of the police officers were corrupt in Paris during Papillon's time of reign, and it was simply safer. That's one thing. A better question would be, how have you never lied to a police officer?”

Tim rested his head on Marinette’s shoulder as he explained his own reasoning. “Then there's the fact my brother happens to be a police officer. I've totally lied to him multiple times. Same with Commissioner Gordon at least once or twice.”

The rest of them nodded along. “Yup, lied to Nightwing, which means, lied to Police Officer Grayson. No regrets, 5/5, would recommend, he's too much of a mother hen sometimes,” Cassie stated.

It was probably good she stated it then and not a minute later, because only a moment after that, the door flew open and Jason marched in. Marinette and Tim buried their heads in their hands or the mattress, Adrien just shook his head, and the three others were staring at Jason like this was somehow that much of a surprise. A minute later, a mattress was pushed inside the room as well.

“Hey kids!” he yelled as he settled in and had Cassie, and Bart and Adrien move themselves away from one another so he could push his mattress between them.

“Jason, what are you doing here.”

The deadpan question shot at him was said in a tone with such an irritated undertone that Jason mock-winced.

“Well. Our dick of a brother—” Jason motioned at himself and Tim, “—sent me here to be a babysitter for a bunch of kids over the fragile age of 21.”

“Dick! ”

Dick looked inside from the door and immediately got thrown pillows at. He scrunched up his nose and looked at them with disappointment. That got him six disappointed eyes staring at him from around the room. “Well, you can’t actually blame me! There are two couples sleeping in the same room and oh my god also on the same mattresses and I am worried and concerned and this is my safety measure to make sure we get no babies after this night.”

“You do know Tim and I are getting married, right?”

“Precisely, you just made my point.”

“Besides, we wouldn’t do it in the same room with these guys anyway, and also Bart and Adrien can’t get children because neither has a womb?”

“Still.”

Marinette sighed. “Fine. As long as you stay away for the rest of the night. At least Jace could be fun. You, instead, are not fun when you’re trying to mother hen us at the same time.”

“Rude much.”

“Now go or I’ll throw you with Jace.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would, and I could, in the transformed form anyway. I’ve thrown Chaton across the city, don’t test me.”

Dick huffed and closed the door. Jason laughed at Marinette’s words and patted her head after reaching towards her a little bit, over all their snacks and food.

“So, whatcha doin’? Drinking games?”

“Yeah. Never have I ever. You in?”

“Am I in? Oh, definitely. You couldn’t stop me even if you tried.”

“Sounds like trouble. I’m already regretting letting him in.”

A chorus of “same” echoed around the room.

“Alright, so…” Kon looked around the room before his eyes landed on Tim and a smirk tugged on his lips. “Never have I ever sneaked out of my house in the middle of the night alone.”

Tim frowned and drank a new shot. Marinette sighed, elbowed Adrien and took the bottle from Tim’s hands.

“Okay, Pixie, explain. You, sneakin’ out of the house, let alone in the middle of the night? Impossible.”

“Nuh-uh. Need I remind you, Ladybug. Papillon hardly cared about our sleeping schedule. Had to sneak out at night multiple times to save the city. Same with Adrien.”

Adrien nodded, agreeing with her. “‘S not like we had a choice in the matter, it was our sleep or the safety and lives of over two million people. Ga-bitch didn’t leave us much of a choice.”

It was Tim’s turn to interrupt. “And how have you never sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night? You, Mr. ‘I do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, fuck Batman’?”

“Well, with B it was easier to sneak away when it was the middle of the day and he thought I was somewhere else, and in the Alley, it was safer to either stay inside or stay outside through the night, not both. Also, no house to sneak out of at one point.”

“Oof.”

“Never have I ever died,” Tim shot with a pointed look at his brother and his best friends. Yeah, he was still a little bitter even if it technically wasn’t their fault, so sue him.

“Low blow, dude,” Adrien said as he downed the glass. Marinette shuffled next to him and the next thing he saw was her stealing Adrien’s newly filled shot glass.

He was, least to say, shocked when he saw everyone take a shot, his fiancée included.

“Akumas. To be exact, Desperada and Time Breaker, at the very least. Probably some others too. He’s never been that good at not dying, and there was one time when he had to witness me die like, 25 thousand times.”

“25,913 times, Buginette.”

“Sorry, 25,913 times. He saw me die that many times, and I remember exactly none of them. He probably remembers most.”

“Holy shit.”

After everyone had had time to think over it and let the realisation that two out of their three sunshines had died god knows how many times and had had to witness one another die as many times sink in, Jason simply grabbed the chipotle vodka and took a few gulps. “I need more alcohol to deal with this” had been his explanation, and when he’d been told he’d die if he drank too much, no one realised the mistake until it was too late, because…

“Been there, done that.”

Cue them groaning and hiding their faces in their pillows all the while Jason just laughed.

“Okay, back to the game. Never have I ever been related to a supervillain.”

“Fuck you too Jason.”

Both Conner and Adrien took a shot as they glared at Jason, and Kon gave him the finger.

The rest of the game went in the same style. Everyone was flabbergasted at how many times both Adrien and Marinette had to drink. Those happened with, for example, Bart’s question of drinking before the age of 21 (“We grew up in France, he was a rich ass bitch, what else did you expect? Besides, legal drinking age is 18 there.”), Jay’s of whether someone had peeked at another person in the shower (“Well, I suppose it could be called that. Chaton pretended to be in the shower every time I came over during an Akuma that came for his or Gabritch’s head, nevermind the fact he always had clothes on. It’s not like I knew.”), Cassie’s “never have I ever fantasized about a real person” (“I mean, I was a teenager with a huge crush on Ladybug…” “Gross, Chaton, gross.” “Don’t try and deny having a crush on me as well.” “Well, fuck you too.” “I think I’ll leave that for your fiancé.” “Oh my god, Adrien.”) It just went on and on.

After a few hours of different things, such as hide and seek in the dark (it went as expected — Adrien won. Damn that night vision of his even in civilian form), truth and dare (they were all superheroes or vigilantes, there was hardly anything they wouldn’t say or do in relatively safe company, especially when they were at least tipsy), strip poker (this one Adrien lost because he couldn’t stop making puns, Bart came second last because he couldn’t keep a straight face (“Well, it’s not like anything else about me is straight either.”), which, to everyone’s surprise, Marinette won (“Whaatt? I had to get really creative and good at bluffing during school and Papillon, why is this so shocking to you all?”). They stopped when the next thing to go would’ve been someone’s underwear), and they were definitely glad to finally just lie down and rest.

Then Adrien’s phone went off. He surged out from under the covers and unlocked his phone. In the darkness of the room, the phone lit up his face rather well. He was smiling. Bart pushed the covers aside and sat up next to Adrien.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Texting to a friend.”

“Oh, is that your new friend? The one you met while scavenging?” Bart sounded excited and got closer to be able to see the messages. Adrien just placed his phone so that Bart could see them more easily.

“Yeah, it is.”

Marinette sat up as well. Smiling, she asked, “Oh, you made a friend while scavenging? That’s so wonderful, though only you, Kitty. Only you could manage to do that.”

“Kon said the same thing right after it.”

“Of course he did. What’s her name?”

“Zoanne.”

Beside Marinette, Tim went still and paled. He swallowed audibly and forced himself to look at Adrien. “Do you know her surname?”

“Yeah, it’s Wilkins. Why?”

Tim buried his face in Marinette’s knees and thighs, whining. “Oh god. Kill me now, please. Maybe borrow the Cat Miraculous to do it. Or Jason’s guns.”

“Why? What happened?”

“She’s my ex and I might’ve left her in rather an unfortunate situation.”

Adrien stared at him. Then frowned. Then honest to god scowled. “Are you fucking kidding me.”

“Oh my god, Adrien swore.”

“She’s dating again, by the way. Some girl named Ariana.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding me.”

“Nope.”

“Fuck.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow at him. “Let me guess. You also dated Ariana.”

“Yeah.”

An amused sigh fell of Marinette’s lips as she stroked Tim’s hair. “You’re hopeless.”

Tim scrunched up his nose. “No, I’m not.”

Marinette gave him a look.

“Okay, yeah, I am. Please kill me now. I can’t have you two be friends with nearly all my exes.”

“What do you mean nearly all your exes?”

“Cassie and Steph, and considering Adrien is friends with Zoanne, you’ll probably be soon too, and I’m sure you’re going to call Ariana your friend soon enough as well.”

“You’re forgetting I’m also friends with Tam.”

“Fuck.”

Jason just snorted. “Fuck, Babybird, you’ve got a ton of exes, and your fiancée and her best friend are friends with like, all of them. Damn.”

“Shut up, Jay.”

The next morning, both Tim and Jason were hungover, and Adrien and Marinette could definitely feel themselves having drunk the night before.

They thanked the kwamii they didn’t need to suffer as many or horrible consequences for the drinking and bought and or baked a ton of food for Plagg and Tikki.

___________

@the-navistar-carol @caffeinetheory @jardimazul @captainartsypants @marinettepotterandplagg @kris-pines04 @thethirdwheelfriend @daminett4life @abrx2002 @persephonebutkore @rebecarojas07 @corabeth11 @freshbark @maribat-march2020 @catsandfanfic @fertileleaf @eat0crow @cutechip

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kadomoni · 5 years ago

Text

I always thought I might be bad, now I’m sure that it’s true…

I really can’t tell you what to think of Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz. I can’t. It’s something you have to decide for yourself, but I’m going to explain why she’s one of my favorite characters of the show, but I also think she is the villain.

Now, I know what Pink Stans are saying, “She’s not the villain! She’s morally grey and trying to change!” And, to that I say, yes clearly. She’s an incredibly well-written, nuanced, and complex character. But, as much as she has done good, she has also done very, very bad. And, I’m here to explain why I think Pink is not evil—she’s just bad (and she knows it).

There is no doubt about it that Pink was raised in an abusive family. White is a pretty typical narcissistic parent (over-reliance on perfectionism, wanting people to please her and be like her but no one ever living up to her expectations, trouble with empathy, ect.). Yellow and Blue love Pink but have no idea how to raise her. That’s pretty typical of dysfunctional family dynamics. None of them had a good role model, so they can only replicate a bad role model.

I understand this dynamic. I had a “mother figure” who was very emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive. My parents were nice and good parents but they had anger issues. I went from being petulant to shutting down, but I think I fit more into a Pearl archetype because instead of acting out my pain, I kept it inside and felt like it was me that was wrong. Pink does this, but not before causing a lot of issues, and often exploding outwards.

((Major Steven Universe/Future Spoilers under the cut))

We’ll start with what we know about Pink, which is very limited.

The first “memory” we have from her is the astral projection dream Stevonnie had where she threw a tantrum about wanting a colony. It was childish, yes, but Yellow response was no better considering she just yelled at her. They both threw tantrums, and no doubt, she was going to get locked up in her tower after. Pink got angry, she punched a mirror (hopefully, she’d only punched mirrors, please, Rebecca, don’t hurt me like this).

Secondly, we have the dream Steven had about Blue, who begged Pink to stop being combative and letting her “organics” loose, but ultimately just ended up admonishing her further. It’s also implied that she had her stay in the tower room.

Also, that tower is even more fucked up than just isolation. @singlepalerose explains this in her meta that Gems need light to live, not food. Rebecca says in an interview when asked that she “can’t say” what would happen if put in a place with no light. But, @singlepalerose comes to the conclusion that this might be literally akin to starvation, which is torture. There’s a good chance that Pink was literally tortured by her care-givers.

And, poor Pink Pearl. I don’t know what happened, but whether it was a scream or some physical altercation, it was frightening enough that she broke her pearl so badly, it couldn’t be repaired, which as seen in RS’s concept drawings, Pink is really fucked up by this. She becomes more introverted with her feelings because of this.

Don’t Break This One.

I’m not going to comment on whether these actions make her “bad” or “abusive.” She was clearly a child in an emotionally maladaptive environment, and she did decide to change and to keep her anger and frustration internalized at the risk of harming the people around her.

But, unfortunately, the information after this is where I begin to feel disturbed by Pink’s actions.

She got a colony. At first, she liked it, but clearly, she either grew bored or disenchanted with managing it. I feel as though she was expecting some sort of freedom, when really, the extra responsibilities probably just weighed her down even more.

The events of ‘A Single Pale Rose’ come into play now. Pearl suggested they go down to Earth, and Pink felt her first taste of unrestrained freedom. She liked interacting with other gems, liked interacting with humans, and finally decided that she didn’t want to destroy the Earth. And, she did beg all the Diamonds to let her give up the colony, but not only had Pink kinda shot herself in the foot with this one because she begged so hard for a colony and made so many big scenes about it, White and Yellow are incredibly steadfast in tradition and rules, and this wasn’t going to fly.

So, she decided to take drastic action.

I personally think that the idea to fake her own death was…weird. And, pretty extreme. I understand her reasoning, but this was the first time where she made a decision that benefited her far more than it did others (and I’m not talking about the planet right now because that’s a whole separate thing). This action traumatized Pearl to the point where she doesn’t eat, won’t shapeshift, and can’t talk about it. Yes, I know she commanded Pearl not to talk about it, but this caused significant emotional distress for her later on in the series.

This also traumatized the whole gem race, specifically the Diamonds, because she’d framed it as a terror attack. It would be way different if she stood up to White herself publicly, but there was so much deception going on that it fundamentally changed the course of Gem Culture and the fate of the Earth. Mostly what bothers me here is how manipulative this action was and how unnecessarily complex it was. Pink did everything she could to wipe her slate clean, be seen as a martyr of Gemkind, and also live freely on Earth.

It was a very good way to get her freedom, but it was also extremely harmful to all parties involved.

The War only escalated at this point. They had to fight Homeworld as a full-on army, and countless of gems were shattered.

Now, yes, of course, these actions saved the Earth, which is good in our perspective because we live on Earth. Earth is essential to us because it is our only frame of reference. But, something that continually complexed the Homeworld gems was why someone would fight for one measly planet at the cost of so much. It makes sense to us because we would sacrifice a whole heck of a lot to keep our planet from being invaded by space aliens, but the gems were colonizing tons of planets and destroying them for energy. It was obviously horrible as colonizers are horrible, but it’s sort of like how different armies will invade other countries, but because we’re being told that it’s for good, most people don’t really care.

From the gem’s perspective, this was all a horrible disaster—a loss of countless life, resources, and pride.

And, for The Crystal Gems, the “loss” of the war meant that all of their friends were corrupted, except Rose’s closest friends (which I’m personally unsure if this is completely truthful. I would hope it would be, but it’s also very suspicious because letting only the people that trust her the most survive would make it easier to control her own story).

Speaking of which, wtf is up with her bubbling Bismuth? It just feels like it would be easier to hide her away instead of trying to explain why she doesn’t want to shatter the Diamonds. But, Rose shattered Pink, anyway? I personally believe Bismuth was too close to figuring out her story, and she didn’t know what to do. I can’t think of any other explanation that would explain her actions and make sense with telling the Crystal Gems she’d been shattered. It feels very manipulative and selfish.

All of this obviously traumatized Pearl (we see it in her Pearl within a Pearl within a Pearl), and it had to have traumatized Garnet considering her reactions to mentions of the war and the “fusion” experiments. It was especially bad on Garnet’s end because she thought the war was actually what Rose said it was, which is why she freaked out when it wasn’t.

She kept secrets from everyone, even Her Pearl. But, Pearl didn’t know that she didn’t know everything. You could call Pearl delusional, but I think this is more proof that Rose never did something in front of her that made her feel like she was being untruthful.

And, I said y’all don’t want to get me started on Rose’s treatment of Pearl because I go feral when I get worked up about it. I would like to personally thank @theroguefeminist for their meta on Rose/Pearl and Fandom Ableism. It’s super good, and it was the meta that made me finally sit down and watch all of SU way back in the day. But, it illustrates the point that fandoms tend to look down on characters that act “bitter,” “weak,” “jealous,” “depressed,” or “neurotic.” It’s even more sinister because the reason why Pearl acts the way she does in the first two seasons is because she’d been manipulated by Rose.

She was Pink’s Pearl, her partner in crime, her renegade. They were the Heroes of The Rebellion. Pearl admitted she had feelings for her, and Rose’s response was enthusiastic (“Don’t ever stop!”). From what we’ve seen, the disregard of her feelings only began when she started dating Greg, considering Pearl didn’t see “the men who came into her life now and again” as threats because they “didn’t really matter until [him].” But, the treatment that we see of Pearl in “Story for Steven” and “We Need to Talk” is dismissive at best and cruel and uncaring at the worst.

After Greg was trying to flirt with Rose, Pearl said defensively, “I can sing!” and they laughed at her. Even Rose beamed. They were basically making fun of her when Pearl was only reacting that way because she loved Rose and felt threatened by Greg, even at this point.

I do want to add that I think Rose was trying to be a good person by telling Greg to go away. She made a good point that he shouldn’t give up on his dreams to be with her (especially considering that she knew that nothing would become of him in a place like Beach City). But, she was wooed by him. She laughed and gave into her instincts to surround herself with people who look up to her (even Vidalia said something about how Greg worships her).

But, I find Rose’s treatment of her in “We Need to Talk” to be unnecessarily flippant. Obviously, Pearl was very upset during the whole “What Can I Do For You?” song, and her last ditch effort was to show off Rainbow Quartz and try to belittle his efforts, but Greg was rightly defensive. This doesn’t mean Pearl was being “salty” or “abusive” or “bitchy.” She was reacting negatively towards the emotional neglect that Rose was showing her. Of course, we don’t know every interaction that Pearl and Rose had, but it’s very heavily implied that Rose never communicated with Pearl how their relationship was developing.

I do not, I repeat—I DO NOT—think that Pearl was owed Rose’s love. What I think is neglectful about this situation is that Rose didn’t either apologize or properly explain the nature of their relationship. It’s implied that Rose made her believe they were an item and then proceeded to sleep around and eventually find an alternative partner. No one is owed affection with someone who doesn’t want to be romantically involved, but to lead someone on for thousands of years is horrible, and the idea makes me nauseous, especially since the fandom is more likely to blame Pearl even though Pearl was literally her glorified slave and only able to break out of that thought process years after Steven was born.

Pearl was so emotionally fucked up by Rose’s possible emotional neglect that she had several traumatic episodes starting from “Indirect Kiss” and culminating in her “Cry for Help.” She literally believed she was powerless and felt so weak that she thought the only way to feel agency was to manipulate and extort affection from Garnet. I’m also not defending Pearl for doing this, but it’s clear that she did this because she was mentally ill and not because she was knowingly or maliciously disregarding Garnet’s feelings to fulfill her own needs. Trauma episodes often cause you to act in destructive ways towards yourself and others, but it’s also very different from how Rose did disregard the feelings of others to get her way, or have fun, or “play” with people.

It also reminds me of her treatment of Spinel. Pink was having fun with Spinel until they decided to give her a colony, and then, instead of bringing Spinel with her or sending her back to the Diamonds, she told her to stay there, and she abandoned her for 6,000 years with no plans of returning for her. To be fair, it would really mess up the Crystal Gem dynamic if she suddenly returned with a Spinel who was gifted to Pink Diamond. So, in Rose’s perspective, I get it, but as myself, I don’t think it’s right.

Greg, even, I think was taken advantage of. He’s so sweet and trusting and good that she would easily have been able to get him to do anything. I’m not going to go too much into this because there’s not too much evidence besides her behavior towards him in “Greg the Babysitter” and how she laughed at him in “We Need to Talk.” I just have the feeling that Greg knows something that no one else does and that his perma-sunburn might have something to do with Rose and/or Steven’s conception. Don’t take my word for it since this is just a theory, but I do think there’s something we don’t know yet.

Alright, now that most of the character stuff is out of the way, let’s talk Rose symbolism. In almost every episode, there’s a shot of Rose’s portrait with her eyes covered or something obscuring them. This is classic anime imagery of a suspect character, and it’s foreshadowing of her suspect actions. All of her organic experiments eventually go rouge without constant maintenance from Rose (see: the moss in “Lars and the Cool Kids,” the thorns in “Indirect Kiss”). We don’t know why this happens, but it points to the idea that there’s something malignant lurking underneath Rose’s creations.

Rose’s Room also has disturbing implications. The fact that it gives Steven whatever he wants, but more often than not, it turns into psychological horror is telling. It may be that Steven just doesn’t know how to use the room, but also, the Gems didn’t want him to go in there. (“It doesn’t know how to handle a task like that!” What do you know, Pearl????) The creepiest one, in my opinion, was how the Fake Connie he made in “Open Book” eventually turned on him, attacked him, and basically physically forced him to admit feelings he wanted to keep hidden. I’m not saying this is the intended purpose of the room, but I find it troubling that it can be used in this way and defaults to it when there isn’t anything stopping it. It could also be that when the illusion the room makes is broken that it reverts to an angry (and dare I say Pink Diamond-esque) temperament.

My final point is how her decision to have Steven, even though eventually for good, hurt many people, Steven included. To make the decision to die and have a kid was confusing to everyone, but more so, the gems. They don’t understand human reproduction outside of a biological level, and the fact that gems normally can’t sexually reproduce makes the concept even more foreign. It seems like she explained that she was doing it and would die but didn’t fully prepare the gems about what that would entail. I think this is most clearly seen in “Three Gems and a Baby” because the Crystal Gem’s behavior towards baby Steven reflected Pearl’s response to emotional neglect, such as acting impulsively and dangerously just for not understanding the complexities of the situation.

Their whole dynamic was screwed up, and they all felt deeply hurt by Rose’s death. If you compare how they act at the beginning of the series to the end, they were basically all at each other’s throats because they couldn’t communicate properly due to all the undealt with baggage that had been left behind. It ended up becoming Steven’s job to emotionally support the gems when he should have been the one being emotionally supported. This imbalance of “the parents being the child” and “the child being the parents” is a huge reason why we see Steven in such emotional distress during Future. He’s internalized the idea that he should be the leader, the supporter, the helper, and he hasn’t properly been able to find his own identity because Rose looms over all of them (see: “Rose Buds”).

It’s hard to say whether Rose intentionally left Steven to clean up her mistakes or if she just felt like he could fix it all when she couldn’t, but there is no denying that Rose’s actions have seriously messed up our boy. This is the clearest theme presented in the show, so I’m not going to go super hard on this topic because basically the whole show is Steven angsting over his mom.

So, the point of all of this is that, yes, Pink was abused. There is no doubting that she was very badly abused and developed her personality and coping mechanisms due to this trauma. However, Rose has hurt her friends, family, and gemkind due to her actions. A lot of abusers have been abused. I know my abuser was abused in the same way I was, but that doesn’t give her an excuse to enact that abuse on me. It’s the same as Rose. Her bad upbringing gives context about why she turned out the way she did, but it’s incredibly short-sighted to say that Rose acted in mostly good ways towards others.

And, she knows she’s bad. Whether or not Rebecca will outright admit what the song is about, we have enough context to know that “Love Like You” is Rose talking to Greg (if not the other gems as well).

“I always thought I might be bad Now I’m sure that it’s true ‘cause I think you’re so good And, I’m nothing like you

Look at you go I just adore you I wish that I knew What makes you think I’m so special”

Rose is admitting that she thinks she’s bad and isn’t special and doesn’t understand what Greg sees in her. She knows she’s done bad things, but in my opinion, she didn’t do enough to fix her problems. She made Steven instead. It was her final act of avoidance. Maybe she gave up on herself. Maybe she knew she couldn’t “Love Like You.” I don’t know the answer to that. I just know that Rose’s actions were abusive. She’s not good. She’s morally gray. She did good things, but she did many bad things as well. She’s not evil, but she is the series’ antagonist. She has good things about her, but she has many bad things as well. People can be two things. But, saying she’s not an abuser is making excuses for her behavior.

Here are my answers to a few common complaints on my shitpost meme.

Q: Rose didn’t want to cause war! She just wanted to free the planet/have freedom/save the gems, ect. A: If she didn’t want to cause war, she very well could have…not started the war? There are much less destructive options than pretending to be a rebel when she really was a Diamond. The double life thing is so ridiculous, no one in the show could even guess it. Q: Don’t discredit her Rebellion! A: I just think she cared more about herself than she actually did the Earth. The Rebellion did save the Earth, but not without crazy death and destruction. Q: Pink was good compared to Japser, the Diamonds, Lapis, ect. A: All of you saying that those other characters are bad while Rose is good totally misses the point. All those characters did abusive things. So did Rose/Pink. Pink is good and bad. It’s really showing your ass that you hate x, y, z but will cape for Pink even though she’s probably caused the most harm of the entire series. Whatever happened to all those morally grey arguments?

Q: This take is bad! A: soz bruh cry harder Q: This is black and white thinking. A: I shouldn’t have to explain every aspect of a character in a shitpost. This meta is my full explanation, so here’s my morally grey meme uwu

Q: Blue, Yellow, and White are colonizers and also really abusive. A: Yes. It doesn’t negate Pink’s actions, though.

Q: Pink Pearl was an accident! She changed after!!! That’s not abuse!!!!!!! A: Abuse isn’t always intentional, and we don’t canonically know it was an accident. Pink Pearl said that it was, but she admitted she was making excuses for her. But, accident or not, hurting someone deeply can be abuse if it’s not dealt with. Pink Pearl was not dealt with. She was brainwashed for 8,000 years, instead. Pearl-Pearl helped her deal with it. The continual explosive anger from Pink was abusive, hands down.

Q: She’s not a villain! A: She certainly is framed as Steven’s villain. Regardless of what you personally think of Pink, Steven is deeply disturbed and harmed by Rose’s actions. It’s literally the whole plot of the show! If Pink is eventually redeemed, I won’t mind, but she’s irredeemable in my eyes.

#steven universe #steven universe future #pink diamond #rose quartz #su #suf #steven universe future spoilers #steven universe spoilers #su spoilers #suf spoilers #mine #meta #abuse

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