#PLEASE FUCKING ENGAGE I'M GOING TO PERISH!!!!!!

[troglobite]

[crying screaming tearing my hair out]

me watching this video before dming: oh these are good tips. and i'm glad that i already do most of these! okay cool.

me watching this video after dming: [inconsolable, distraught, curled up in a ball on the floor, begging, pleading]

[ivebeencursedbygays]

Kai: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany! 

Kai, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Zane: Kai, you can do anything! 

Kai: Anything? 

Zane: Anything! 

Kai, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?! 

Zane: Wait, not that!

Cole: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way? 

Nya: Wait, what’s the difference? 

Cole: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

Kai: Time sensitive question how flirt boy. 

Pixal: Throw rocks at he. 

Cole: Hot Dogs. 

Morro: Kill him. 

Kai: Thanks guys.

Nya: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

Pixal: You use emojis like a straight person. 

Kai: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

Kai: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 

Jay: Peonies, why? 

Kai: 

Jay: Were you going to get me flowers? 

Kai: 

Jay: 

Kai: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Jay: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. 

Nya: Oh, that was all real. 

Jay: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! 

Nya: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

*The gang is about to do something dangerous* 

Cole: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? 

Kai: Go ahead. 

Cole: Be careful. 

Cole: Don’t die. 

Pixal: *Holds back a laugh* 

Kai: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

Jay: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! 

Cole: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. 

Jay: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? 

Cole: Somehow that's worse.

Kai: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F... 

Kai: ...How did I fail being born?

Cole: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Zane! 

Zane: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Pixal: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon. 

Pixal: It's me.

Cole, in a room with Jay, Kai, and Nya: It’s calm in here. 

Cole: It scares me…

Nya: Fight me! 

Kai, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

Zane: Nya got into a fight. 

Kai: That’s bad. 

Kai: 

Kai: Did she win?

Cole: Jay, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery. 

Jay: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!

Kai: Is that a gun?! 

Jay: It's not what it looks like! 

Kai: It looks like a gun! 

Jay: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. 

Kai: ...ANYMORE?!

Kai, to the Squad: I’d die for you. 

Jay: Then perish. 

Pixal: You will. 

Nya: Please don’t. 

Cole: Cool. 

Zane: I’d die for you first.

Nya: If you got arrested what would be the charges? 

Jay: Theft. 

Zane: Disturbing the peace. 

Cole: Aggravated assault. 

Kai: Arson. 

Pixal: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Nya: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year? 

Jay: If you say me, I swear I’ll— 

Nya: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!

Cole, texting Zane: Zane there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? 

Cole: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry 

Cole: Zane 

Cole: Zane 

Zane: Zane is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

Pixal: A sprite is anything not static. 

Jay: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. 

Cole: A sprite is a fucking soda. 

Cole: You god damn geekass bastards.

Kai: *sighs* I have no friends... 

Jay: 

Jay: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

Zane: *tapping fingers on table* 

Cole: *taps fingers back furiously* 

Jay: …What’s going on? 

Pixal: Morse code. They’re talking. 

Zane: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - 

Cole: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Jay: *finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods* 

Jay, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!

Kai: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. 

Nya: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Kai, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— 

Zane: A family. 

Cole: A better love life. 

Nya: Mental stability. 

Pixal: *clueless* Bagels?

Zane: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Jay: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. 

Kai: 

Jay: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? 

Kai: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.

Nya: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Jay. 

Jay: Hey, fuck you.

Jay: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Pixal: Why is Kai crying? 

Zane: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- 

Kai: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! 

Pixal: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say- 

Kai: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! 

Pixal: NO, NOT THAT!

Zane: Hey, what have you two been up to? 

Nya: We were helping Kai write his vows, but he kicked us out because Cole was making inappropriate suggestions. 

Cole: How is “Jay, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

[tinandabin]

How would yanderes Tanjiro, Rengoku and Kokushibou(Separate) react to reader being a complete brat after she comes back from a prestigious snobby posh school and thinks she’s too good for the world?

Here you go! I hope you enjoy this. (:

Tanjiro-- 

At first, he would just laugh at your behaviour thinking it's cute how you are trying to be bossy and sassy. 

You would be like, "HEY YOU! LOSER. GET ME WATER." "YOU ARE NOT EVEN WORTH THE DIRT BENEATH MY SHOES." "PERISH." "Pathetic! You can't even do that?" "Did you even get an education? Oh never mind, forgot you were working here as a servant. Poor aren't you?" 

He would probably think you would be back to normal after a few weeks. Maybe being with the other snobby kids made you like that too! It's okay, he will help out get out of this phase. 

And when he tries to help you, you are like, "Fuck you, who do you think you are to say I need to get better? Be grateful I am even allowing you to speak to me in such a tone. Next time you do this, I will have your tongue cut off." All the while you are glaring at him. And he is just like, "(Name)-(Name)! BAD (NAME)! LOVE, DON'T BE THIS RUDE!" 

At first, he would take a lighter approach to this situation. Like giving you a soft glare whenever you act bratty or anything. And you would ignore it. Whenever he would glare at you, you would roll your eyes very openly at him. 

But then things started getting a bit serious..

You had started insulting him. All like, "Tch, you don't deserve me. No one does. Idiot." "Don't touch me!!! You are not worthy of me, you ugly fool!" "Ew, what are you wearing?" 

He was annoyed at that, but it's okay, he can deal with that.

And then things started getting more serious. 

You started insulting Nezuko. 

You would go like, "Attention-seeking whore..." please don't take this to the heart, nezuko. "Acting all cute...Bitch.." 

That is when Tanjiro started taking a more serious approach to this. You both are probably married or something. 

Just a quick summary of your relationship: You and Tanjiro used to date and your parents too approved of him, that time Tanjiro was controlling his yandere tendencies. And so, you both have a normal healthy relationship. And soon enough, you both got engaged. After getting married, you were still studying and because you were already ahead of your studies a lot more they sent you to a posh prestigious school which had speeded up your studying, a lot more. After studying and staying there for a year, you returned back only to be all bratty and I'm too good for this world no one deserves me. #betterthanmuzan #godcomplexworsethanmuzan <-- if that doesn't speak about your attitude, I don't know what will. 

And moving back to the serious approach, you both are obviously living together and so Tanjiro starts threatening you with taking away your freedom, which you value a lot if you don't stop being bratty. 

You don't.

So, you insult Nezuko again. 

"HMFF HMPH!!" Nezuko excitedly held your hand as she hmphed at you with stars in her eyes trying to tell you something when you deadpan at her and say in the most emotionless voice, "Eat shit." 

Sadly for you, Tanjiro had asked Nezuko to do that when he wasn't in the room to see if you would change your behaviour in the slightest. There was no need for him to even leave honestly, you would have said that whether he had been here or not. 

And so Tanjiro bursts in with an angry look on his face as he tells you that you no longer can choose what you get to do. 

While you are again deadpanning at him and mockingly say, "Uh-huh.." Not believing him in the slightest.

That just makes him more disappointed and he kinda happily says, "You no longer can hang out with your friends." 

You don't believe him.

So when you try to sneak out at night, Tanjiro is just standing at the door smiling and telling you to go to bed. 

You try to pass him but dude, I shit you not, he grips your shoulder so tightly you are goddamn sure he dislocated it. 

There comes the screaming and curses.

"YOU SHIT FUCKING BASTARD!!! HOW DARE YOU, EVEN TOUCH ME. WORSE YET, HURT ME?!?"

While Tanjiro is just creepily smiling at you when you realise you made a big mistake. A very big mistake.

"I WOULD PROBABLY WORSHIP THE PERSON WHO KILLED YOUR FAMILY! YOU DESERVED IT." 

Now, not only saying that you would support his worst enemy but also saying that he deserved getting his family killed? 

I don't care if Tanjiro is kind. You better run right this second, I swear you will not be seeing the sun for a very long time. 

Cue to him cutting your tongue off. 

What's better than you not being able to speak anymore? That way, you can't be rude plus you also learnt your lesson. 

Now, for the love of God. DO NOT USE YOUR HANDS OR LEGS TO HURT HIM OR NEZUKO. You know the consequences. 

________________

"Darling, did you miss me as much as I did?" ~ Tanjiro Kamado. 

______________

Kyojuro---

Now, this family would be very much about manners. You can't make me think otherwise.

A quick summary: He had kidnapped you but your parents thought that he was taking you on a vacation and so when they heard the rumours of you out in the town after a few weeks, they use their power ( they have very much power here ) and bring you back home to continue your studies. 

And when you are back, Kyojuro is hugging you, cuddling, kissing. 

But that all stops when you go, "Gross!! I don't like you!! I am too good for this world for fuck's sake. 

He was annoyed. Because first, just no. I mean, he had the decency to cuddle you in his room and you just straight-up cursed so loud??? 

This family is all about manners.

And no, he won't be taking this situation lightly. 

His checklist- 

Cuddle (Name)- ✅

Kiss (Name)- ✅

Hold hands with (Name)-✅

Kidnap (Name)-✅

Teach (Name) manners through some violent methods-✅

(Name)-✅

Thankfully, all he did was push your head underwater. That should be enough for now. 

______________

"Don't worry, my love. I will protect you." ~ Kyojuro Rengoku

______________

Kokushibo--

He doesn't give a fuck. Be rude all you want, scream, yell, throw a tantrum, do whatever you want. 

But not at him.

He will not take disobedience well. 

At first, he would start by...breaking your limbs. 

Sometimes even that doesn't work so here comes him cutting off your limbs.

Now, that did its magic. 

But now he can't cuddle you properly! :((

Yes, you stay in his hold without moving much, but he can not cuddle you properly. 

And so he has an idea! :DDD

Turn you into a demon.

Like that, he would be way above you in superiority, and he could also just cut off your limbs whenever he wants and you can regenerate. 

No cuddling problems! 

He very expertly ignores the fact that you are trembling whenever he pulls you in his lap. 

Would probably get you, humans, to eat, because he doesn't want a low-life demon slayer to kill you and thinks you can't hunt on your own.

Which you can't. 

Enjoy your hell-ish immortal life with him. 

_____________

 "You've...been so....good lately, my pet. Don't make...me punish you..." ~ Kokushibo.

___________

it's so funny that the yanderes are trying to teach reader some manners and they are just cursing I love this

MASTERLIST

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

This is one of the best laughs I've had in a while mainly because it starts somewhat fine but then becomes utterly pathetic: 10 times Loki proved he's not a hero.

1.- He took advantage of Thor's trust in him, coaxing him into invading Jotunheim.

Yes, he persuaded him. Didn't really take much to convince him but yes, I'll give them that. He did talk him into going there. Just one correction: invading? Nope. He told him to go there to search for answers and some form of accountability.

2.- He Tried To Destroy Jotunheim.

True. And this can be explained and contextualized but never justified. It was 100% wrong.

3.- He Used The People On Jotunheim To Achieve His Own Goals. Before attempting to destroy them, he used the Frost Giants as his tools [...] Before they could kill him, Loki betrayed the Frost Giants.

You know, this is a point I don't really see brought up in metas and I've got to say I really like it, because yes he did use the Jotuns to achieve his ends and he had no qualms in doing so. That's clearly the result of the Asgardian indoctrination where they all believe any beings born elsewhere are lesser than therefore not valuable and easily used and murdered without bad conscience.

Again, what he did was wrong.

4.- He attacked Thor, Lady Sif, and the Warriors Three. He saw his friends as traitors, despite the fact that all they wanted was for their friend to be back home.

Aw, they just wanted their friend home. The same friend who had started a war with Jotunheim after Laufey called him 'princess'. The same friend who had put them and his own brother in danger when engaging in a battle with hundreds of Jotuns and no backup. And they just wanted him back because they didn't see anything wrong with what he had done which frankly says a lot about them and none of it it's good (= blind loyalty is not good).

Not that I'm defending Loki trying to kill Thor or his friends, this one's clearly wrong too.

5.- He faked his death twice. The first two Thor films ended in Loki's apparent death. One, where he willingly fell to his apparent demise [...]

If he willingly fell to his death then he didn't fake it. What the...

6.- He Led The Dark Elves To Frigga. He gave Kurse directions, thinking that he was leading him to Thor.

Woah the series really has done a lot of damage, huh? He didn't send the elves to Frigga, he sent the Kurse to a room where he could disable the palace shields. Watch TDW again, please.

So not wrong, he had nothing to do with this.

7.- He Was Responsible For Odin's Death And Hela's Return. Although Loki did not outright kill Odin, Thor blamed his brother for Odin's death. Thanks to his death, Hela was eager to resume her conquest.

He was responsible for Odin's death although he didn't kill him but Thor blamed him so it's his fault anyway then they blame Hela's return on Loki because why blame it on Odin when Loki is right there, amirite?

Again, not wrong. He didn't kill Odin and for fuck's sake, he's not to blame for Hela.

8.- [After Sakaar] When arriving at Asgard, Loki had no qualms with posing as their savior, not missing an opportunity to make himself look good.

Uh... would you be so kind as to please explain to me how the Asgardians could have possibly made it out of there without that ship? Because the Bifrost would have taken too long, the Tesseract couldn't possibly get all that people out of there at once and not for nothing but an army of zombie einherjar was kind of killing people right, front and centre so like... of course Loki showed up as a saviour, had not been for him they would all have died.

Obviously, not wrong. Not even when he saves people he gets a pass...

9.- When Loki slipped into Odin's Vault, he was tempted by the Tesseract. Rather than leaving it on Asgard to be buried in the destruction, he took it with him. This lured Thanos to their ship. As a result, many of the surviving Asgardians perished [...] the whole scenario could have been avoided if not for Loki's greed.

Er... perhaps the whole scenario could have been avoided if Thanos hadn't attacked them and killed them all? Are you going to blame the Snap on Loki too?

Basically, not wrong. How the hell is he blamed for this is beyond me.

10.- Loki's attack on New York was one of his worst crimes. He brainwashed people to serve him.

Yeah brainwashing is bad and he did it to others so that's wrong but when it happens to him it's not even brought up and he's the only to blame with not a single mention of who had sent him there in the first place. Gotcha.

Basically, yes wrong because he did invade and kill tons of people. But holy crap, context matters! I mean, I'm fine with blaming him for shit he has done but the last few points are nonsense?

[sagebodisattva]

Open Individualism and the Platypus

So let's talk a little about open individualism, the view in the philosophy of personal identity, according to which there exists only one numerically identical subject, which is everyone at all times. I'm sure that this idea doesn't sit well with the majority of you, as I'm sure most of you like to fancy yourself a special little snowflake; a unique outstanding individual who is markedly different then everyone else. This would constitute the definition of individuality, would it not? Well, let's look at it. Because it's this type of thinking that has the world divided in a major way.

We look at other people and judge them for their conditions, but this assumes that their conditions are unquestionably below, or beyond us, that somehow, because we are on a different path, that we are in a superior position; a position that is holier then thou. Now I say "condition" instead of karma, because karma is a term that comes with a load of connotations, but really, that's all really karma means: a current condition. And yeah, a condition can change based on many factors, like actions, thoughts, and intentions, which will potentially bring varying results. Causes that bring effects that result in a condition. Karma is a distinction specialized to highlight the condition of sentient creatures specifically, which is why the term was coined, rather then just using a word like condition. Like we wouldn't speak about an object's karma because, even though an object does have a condition, it can't make choices to influence it's condition.

But I bring up karma, because people toss it around so often, and recklessly, even going so far as to act like they are some kind of karma police or something. You hear and read these things all the time on the internet, with statements like:

“Karma's a bitch!”

“Yeah, fuck with me and karma is gonna kick your ass three times over!”

“Yeah, he got what he deserved, karma caught up with him!”

Can we please stop with this nonsense already? Karma isn't some punishing judgmental force that roams around the planet doling out discipline. And who are you to be speaking like some representative of karma who can warn people on it's behalf? As if you are some close friend of karma, which will make it especially pissed off, if someone out there dares to mess with you. Would you stop it? Karma is a condition, not some metaphysical weapon to wish upon someone.

There's that vindicate merciless judge, so eager to assign sentences and carry out executions. And now, able to send the karma thug to torture you in the name of justice.

“Yeah, karma's a bitch, then you die!”

Once again, we only say these things because we assume a separation. We like the “us and them”, paradigm, and engage in otherization as often as we can. But what if the person that you assume is an “other”, was really just another version of yourself? Then what? Oh my goodness, perish the thought.

“Oh no, that just can't be. I'm six feet tall. I have an IQ of 115. I am of English descent. I am a male. I am a republican. I am Catholic. I am upper class. I am an exclusive member of the secret society Brotherhood of the Enlightened Platypus!”

Sigh.

You might agree that this kind of arrogance is ridiculous to hang a hat on, but it's even doubly more ridiculous considering all of these types of identifications are patently false.

“How's that?”

That's right. These types of identifications are a steaming pile of platypus shit.

“Oh but what do you mean? Are you saying that I'm not a tall, smart, high class catholic, republican English male that's part of the platypus society? ha ha ha.”

That's right. That's exactly what I am saying. In all actuality, you are none of those things. These are little identification teats for little non-existent suckling piglets. And what makes it triply worse, and often inspires the urge to vomit all over the computer screen, is all these bickering stalwarts, engaging in venomous discourse over mundane illusory identifications. And you know what I'm talking about; as most of you listening to the sound of my voice right now, are engaged in some type of superficial attribute mongering. Whether it be along the lines of gender, sexuality, race, religion, politics, or class may vary, but one way or another, you are in some sort of camp. A camp with an erected flag. And so, no, you are not neutral. You are not unbiased. Hence, you are un-objective.

But you have opinions and express them with an impassioned obsessive fervor! And oh what beautiful farts they are! Such a vile stink; it’s grotesquely curious, yet wretchedly repulsive. The cold cruel savagely ferocious need to personify a perceived enemy, and attack them, is unparalleled. And drama, aggression, pawnage, and condemnations, quickly follow. Yeah. You all go ahead and claw each other's eyes out, I'll be sitting at ringside with popcorn. Good luck with that and lemme know how that works out for you. Much ado about nothing.

But with a little compassion, and a birds eye view perspective, you would see how any person’s life or experience, could be your own life or experience, and that the only real difference is circumstance. You can only look at someone else's life and confidently assess it, (and make bold claims about what they should do, or what you would have done, or what you would never do,) because you are doing so from your own biased snapshot. It's not accurate and it's not helpful. You can't honestly look at someone else's life, like say a serial killer, and say you'd never do that, because you are not them; you don't know their experience, you don't know their circumstances, and you don't know their path.

Same goes with bigoted presuppositions. It's ironic that many of the same people, who dig the idea that they are distinguished in their identity, also, at the same time, have the tendency to generalize entire groups of people that are deemed to be "other", and make wide sweeping generalizations based on inductive reasoning.

Oh, but it's not bigoted if it's true, right?

Bullshit. More then likely you live in a bubble.

Being from New York City myself, I can personally attest that stereotypes are false, but often appear true; not because of innate qualities, but merely because of pack mentality. Sheep herd together, and are conditioned to want to belong to the group, and hence, copy and emulate patterns, behaviors, and memes of the herd. Monkey see, monkey do. But when you get into the larger cities, where people are more sophisticated, you have more cases of so called “different people “, who all live and interact with each other, and this is where people can start to break free from their cultural bubbles and define themselves as individuals.

I know this gonna come as a complete shock to some of you, but not all Irishmen are alcoholics. Not all Asians are good at math. Some whites can dance really well. Some blacks are intellectuals. Not all Jews worship money. Not all Muslims are terrorists. Not all Mexicans are illegal.

There's only one generalization that is absolutely true: people that generalize other people are assholes.

This is why you have so many people out there that are so eager and enthusiastic to judge other people, and want to assert that superficial aspects of a classified type are indicative of some kind of fixed inner nature of being. This is the basis of contemporary bigotry and discrimination. And it's a giant lie. You are not a gender. You are not a sexuality. You are not a race. You are not a religion. You are not a person, or a human. These are all equally false identifications of illusion. And investing into them is delusion. You are awareness. And so is he, so is she, so is the he/she, so are they, so are you, so are us, and so are them. You are that which is imagining a dream; you are not any of the inventory items within a dream.

This is water. This is a good metaphor for pure potentiality, the essence of what we are. We are the same. Undivided. Non-separate. We are one. So then what is the problem? The problem starts with: this is a man, this is a woman, this is a black person, this is a white person, and this is a transsexual person. This is a platypus. Oh wow. My my, look at all these different people. This one is different then that one, and that one is better then this one. This one would never do what that one does, and that one is superior to all the other ones. Oh really. And then what does death reveal? Here's the man. Here's the woman. Here's the black. Here's the white. Here's the transsexual. Here's the platypus. Wow, yeah, you sure are different and special. You sure are distinguished from all the others.

Can you now see how complete and utter nonsense all this is?

One of the hallmarks of being deeply in delusion, is the inability to see beyond the surface of things. Pure awareness is the true self, and is what unifies all sentience. It is the selfhood that is identical within all sentience. And this is why open individualism is already the case, not a theory.

Empty individualism, the view that personal identities correspond to a fixed pattern that instantaneously disappears with the passage of time, is false, because awareness is not ultimately bound to a fixed pattern, there's no such thing as time, and the essence of our being does not vanish upon death. Only a form undergoes a change. Pure potentiality is always so.

And the same goes for closed individualism, the common view that personal identities are particular to subjects, and yet survive time. It might be said that a particular identity might be associated with a particular form, but no manifested appearance is permanent, and so has no way to survive non-existent time.

The fundamental experiencer is never erased. It is the "I" in all of us. Experiences come and go, but not the "I" that receives all experiences. The "I" recognizes all as reflections of self. Within us all, is identical selfhood, preceding the bag of meat, and the personified characterization. The "I" that is aware of all phenomena, including the persona. That, which is before being, and all comings and goings.

“I", am that.