#Out Of Hosts || OOC

[eurydicees]

me sitting by you, sitting without seeing me 

summary: when tamaki gets to japan, this is his first mistake: greeting his father. prompt: music recs, any human friend (album), for @selkiecoded pairings: tamaki suoh/kyoya ootori words: 1877 warnings: homophobia, mentions of canon-typical abuse and racism notes: a mix of manga and anime canon is used! i mostly used inspiration from the song "i'm not where you are" off of this album. ty for the rec i really enjoyed it!!

When Tamaki gets to Japan, this is his first mistake: greeting his father. 

It’s a stupid mistake. He knows it’s a stupid mistake. He knows better than to say what he did. He didn’t use the correct level of formality when he spoke to his father in Japanese, and it got him first a slightly disapproving frown from his father and then, from his grandmother, a scoff and a dismissal. She waves her hand at him and says, “You’ll know better than to address me, at least, so informally, I expect.” 

The shame colors his cheeks, heats up his insides, sending him spiraling back to France. He’s been in Japan and with his family for five minutes and already fucked up. He takes a deep breath and says, “Yes, Grandmother. It’s good to see you,” as formally as he remembers how, and then bows. 

She scoffs again, and then turns around and walks away. This is the first of many times that he will disappoint her. Or, this is just the latest of times in the string of times he’s disappointed her just by virtue of being born. Which wasn’t his fault, but it’s hard to feel like it isn’t his problem. 

Tamaki is led to his room in the second Suoh mansion, where he unpacks his few things, sets his photo of his mother on a shelf, and then lies down in the bed and stares up at the ceiling. He doesn’t hate Japan. He doesn’t. It’s just that he doesn’t fit. 

This is not the last time he will feel like this. The next time is when he goes to dinner, and he greets the maid on his way to the dining room in search of the meal. He just says hello, and he bows, because he’s pretty sure that’s what you’re supposed to do when you meet people for the first time, and she stutters something that sounds like “Oh, oh, oh, oh,” and then she stumbles around a corner and turns away. 

It’s a little strange, but maybe she was just nervous meeting someone new, and so he doesn’t think much of it until he greets the cook who serves him and he does the same thing. It’s not until he talks to the head of the servants that he’s finally told that that’s just not how things work around here. The servants are not his friends. They are to be treated with respect, but they aren’t there to talk to him or spend time around him. 

Oh, is all that he can think. He doesn’t know how he feels about that. On one hand, he knows that that’s the nature of their job and of his position. On the other hand, he believes every human being deserves a hello and a good morning and a note of respect in his voice. 

But he’ll go with this for now. He’s desperate to be what he’s expected to be. He’s been set adrift in Japan and he’s clinging to every lifeline he can grasp at; he’s clinging tight to the things he knows to be true and the things he’s told he’s wrong about. The problem is just that it seems that he’s wrong about everything. 

As he comes to understand the world and culture and language and customs a little better, it becomes quickly apparent that his father hasn’t told the truth about everything. In all their conversations about Japan, there are so many things he hadn’t mentioned and even more things that he said that are outright untrue. The fact that his father lied to him about so many things doesn’t sit well in his stomach. But he’s also not brave enough to confront him about it, to ask why he would do that to him, to wonder aloud if he meant so little as to lie about his own heritage, and so he just lives with his new and corrected knowledge.

It’s Kyoya, really, who tells him the truth. Kyoya, who never fails to tell him when he’s wrong. Kyoya, who doesn’t hold back anymore. Kyoya, who reminds him to sleep before dreaming but then builds his dreams anyways.

But even with Kyoya, there’s a disconnect that bothers Tamaki. There’s a kind of broken piece between them: if they were each one half of a puzzle, there would be a single piece in the middle that had fallen by the wayside, never to be found again. There’s a kind of crack in the floor they stand on that represents a canyon that he cannot cross, but that he must leap over before he fully understands what it means to live in Japan, to be Japanese, to be half, to be everything that he is and wants to be and is supposed to be. 

“I could be a preschool teacher,” he tells Kyoya once. 

“As if your father would let that happen,” Kyoya replied. 

He’s right, he’s always right, but it’s still a wake up call that Tamaki didn’t really want. He knows that there are things expected of him. He knows that who he is now is not enough for anyone—for his family. 

He knows that who he will be is a shape molded years upon years ago, when it became clear he was the only heir and the weight of the Suoh family was put on his shoulders. Or, when it became clear he was the only heir and the weight of being good enough to call himself Suoh was made into a quest, an obstacle, a fight to the death. 

It’s strange. He loves who he is. He wants to love who he will be. He doesn’t know how. 

He also doesn’t know how to get there—to the future. He doesn’t know how to become what he needs to be. There are too many things in his childlike wonder that Tamaki doesn’t want to let go of. Love is a tool, a weapon, a shield, and he wields it strong and careful with both hands. 

Love is also unwelcome. This is something he learns early on in his life in Japan. 

This is something he learns when his grandmother calls him a disgraceful bastard. This is something he learns when a girl at school gives him a strange look and then calls him a halfer; just a brief, throwaway comment to her, but to Tamaki it is a prick of a needle popping his heart. This is also something he learns later, when he kisses Kyoya, and he gets caught. 

They are seventeen. They are sitting in Music Room 3, and everyone is supposed to be gone for the day. They were supposed to be alone for hours, talking about the club and life and the future and all of the things that they speak about when no one else is there to listen. 

But Haruhi forgot her phone—she’s ridiculously lax about the care and upkeep of the thing, mostly because she didn’t want it in the first place—and she had come back for it. She had hesitated at the door when she saw how close they were sitting to each other. Maybe she was curious. Maybe something in her gut just told her to stop, to stand at a crack in the door that neither had noticed, and wait. 

Either way, she stands there and watches as Tamaki puts his hand to Kyoya’s cheek and presses a tender kiss to his lips and then pulls away with a smile. Kyoya has that light pink color at his cheeks that he gets when they kiss, something Tamaki has teased him to no end about, and he looks so eiderdown-soft and rose-red-in-love that Tamaki kisses him again. 

They were supposed to be alone. 

And here’s the thing: they know that none of their close friends would care if they were together. Most of them probably have some kind of inkling that they’re together already, and none of them have ever once made a comment about it. 

They’ve been dating for almost a year now, and while they’re not blatantly obvious or advertising their relationship status, it’s also clear in the way they look at each other. Tamaki has always been expressive in everything he does, and loving Kyoya is no different. He doesn’t say it out loud to anyone else, but if you look closely at his searching eyes, you’ll notice that they always come back to Kyoya eventually. 

Still, it’s not something that they’re allowed to have. This—in love—is not who they are supposed to be. This—together—is not who they are expected to be. There is something evil in Tamaki that wants Kyoya and doesn’t care what his father thinks. There is something disgusting in Tamaki that craves Kyoya’s touch and doesn’t give a shit that his grandmother might disown him for real this time. There is something horrible and terrible and brave in Tamaki that chooses to love Kyoya in spite of the world. 

But there is also something scared in him that is not ready for the rest of the world to see it. There is something in him that does not want Haruhi to understand this part of them. There is something in him that doesn’t want to share. 

Because, really, at the end of the day, here is what it comes down to: there is the world and the universe and everyone in it, and then there is Tamaki. There is Tamaki, on the other side of the glass, reading DO NOT TAP GLASS backwards. There is Tamaki, distant and drifting and untethered from the rest of the world. From Haruhi and the hosts and even, sometimes, from Kyoya. 

There is something in him that is still a fourteen year old child messing up the grammar of his second language and reeling from his grandmother’s hatred. There is something in him that is still a fifteen year old boy falling in love and terrified of the consequences for having a feeling. There is something in him that is still a sixteen year old watching his best friend, slapped by his father because of a dream they shared. 

There is the world and its intricacies, and then there is Tamaki and his eccentricities. There is the world and its beauty, and then there is Tamaki and his monstrosity. As the earth spins forward, advancing around the sun, instead of being carried along with it, he’s left behind in the riptide: losing his family, losing his first love, losing his mind, losing his heart. 

“Haruhi,” Kyoya says, staring at her. 

“Hi,” she says. 

“Please—” Tamaki starts, then cuts himself off. 

Haruhi just nods. Maybe she understands. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe Tamaki’s side of Tamaki vs. The World is expanding. Maybe it’s not. Maybe she just doesn’t know what else there is to say. Maybe she’s just letting this slip through her fingers without making a big deal out of it, in the same way as she lets go of so many things. 

But maybe it doesn’t matter either way, if she cares or doesn’t care. Maybe it doesn’t matter if the fight is him against the world or him and Kyoya and his friends against the world. Maybe what matters is that there’s a fight in the first place, and that he is losing it. 

[thebananwithaplan]

FINALLY! DANCING BANANA CAMPAIGN HAS STARTED!!

Edit: Plush Trailer

[fromthedeskof-darkiplier]

Hello Dark. If you had a choice, what would you do with the Host?

What would I do with him?

...I'd like to have a pleasant day with him, if and when possible.

-D

[jamiethebeeart]

[benbraeden]

had an epiphany last night while neck deep in a gummy: i am going to start a sewing club <3

[daddymothxxx]

@voxtekoverlord @burningfeathersx @disasterghaster @averyrook

like this man is uncomfortably lorge

[endawn]

oh OH hunger demons have the power of draining. lifeforce + mana. with all the feeding off the anchor and consuming while possessing pax, it is much MUCH more powerful than the typical hunger demon. it can - say - pull and eat another demon ( or spirit ) from a host or the host’s soul and the possessing entity, if given enough time or it has the right motivation

[mrthenarrator]

Hello..! Mr.the narrator I was wondering if you're in @beartitled TSP Narrstorverse march Collab and if so what instrument do Oswin make you use for the march...

(my narrator Archie makes me ask this to you he is a big fan. Of you)

Hello!

Forgive me for the long time it took to reply, I was so awestruck to hear that someone would be a fan of mine, that I may have had to take a few good hours to calm myself down.

Either way, as for the Narratorverse March, I am participating! Oswin managed to get me a tambourine, which I am thankful for because I'm only experienced in playing the guitar (and even then, I'm rather rusty on my skills. Transferring motor skills from a computer program with rigged physics and functions to help play instruments into the real world is quite a challenge!)

We haven't yet gotten our part finished yet, on account of Oswin being busy with university, and both of us waiting for the outfit we purchased online to come in the mail. However, I'm rather excited to see all the other people participating in the march and looking forward to submitting our part!

And thank you for the question! 🥰

[lacomandante]

Assumpta and I had been talking about having a site to just put all her stuff on (and for years I've wanted to make a fansite in the vein of seanbeanonline.net) and they just bought a domain for the next 10 years so uh. i am now Commited to making this

[puzzledmemories]

((still owe a couple replies, but my monthly migraine medicine made writing replies difficult tonight... i'll feel better tomorrow, and that was my last dose before i'm switching to a daily form that won't cause the same issues and will hopefully work better. one of my cats also likes to make writing replies a bit difficult because he wants to cuddle very often.))

((but for now, i've been letting myself stay up too late. i should hit the hay. i'll get back to it tomorrow evening!))

[demonsfate]

Thinking about it, I don't think Devil ever told Jin his true name yet.

[yngai]

they should've never made ada a hacker (specifically with her intercepting luis' emails to his college friend & that one scene in damnation where she forces the elevator to svetlana's laboratory to open to help leon & sasha + herself escape the self destruction sequence she intentionally activated) because i've taken it now to mean (i watch way too many computer software review & repair videos) she will be annoying about her preferred linux distributions to anyone who will listen, fellow spies, hackers & whichever partner wakes up to ada typing away on her laptop in their living room looking like she hasn't slept the whole night

[thebananwithaplan]

...An 'Announcer Reacts' trailer for collectable pins of the Nephews, with the Middle Nephew even having glow-in-the-dark eyes like the cartoon gags.

Buy Them All!

Middle Nephew Plush still available for one more week.

[storybounded]

Thank you for your patience while I transfer my muse bios over. It is a TASK and a half, but it is desperately needed for my sanity. I'm the type of person who will usually hyperfocus on something until it's done, so if I am missing any starters, asks that require thinking, discord rps, or IM's, it is NOT on you. Hi, It's me, I'm the problem. It's me.

[hlvrai-stuck-together]

((OOC))

Sorry I keep updating at like. midnight. I honestly dont have an excuse besides i go to work and i get home and i'm tired fghsdajk

Gonna take me a little while to get into the swing of this. I've never done an askblog like this before (though I have hosted... technically 3 in the past? (EDIT: no, 4 actually.) But never like this, and none of them went anywhere), so trying to get into the swing of it has been weird.

Glad people seem to be enjoying it, though! I had no idea it'd take off like this, aha. Hopefully I can get a bit more consistent and stop uploading at 2 AM, lol.

That said, I don't know what my schedule's gonna be (if I even start one). So if there's a couple days where I don't upload, it's not because I abandoned the AU or anything, it's probably just because I'm busy IRL.

Feel free to keep sending in asks even if I'm not online! I've already got a lot of really good ones sitting there that I'm gonna hold onto for a bit (for. reasons).

This has been really fun so far, and I hope everyone's having fun, too! Just bear with me while I figure this out. I'm hoping to get out a ref of [ERROR] soon, and also stop calling him that soon, but getting into character is proving to be a challenge when you do it on and off like this. But that's never stopped me before and it won't now. Like I said, this has been fun so far!

That said, if anyone has any suggestions on a meta level, I'm all ears. I realize now that I've run into this basically blind, so even though I did a couple week's worth of preparation in advance for this blog, I'm also still floundering a bit. Learning more every day, though! And I'm hoping I can pick up the pace soon as well. After Day 1's rapidfire replies, going at a more leisurely pace feels really slow, and I both wanna fix that but also don't know how because, like I said, I keep uploading at midnight gfdshjk

TL;DR I'm working on it dw lol

-Mod Dimonds

[goldenorder]

eats popcorn while genshin loses over 1M followers on douyin and gets review bombed to hell and back by the CN fanbase