#Or just some fart noises >:o)

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 33 “Rear Cushion” [Episode List]

Dave has to hold back the loudness of his huge farts as he gets an important phone call from work while blasting Tim’s face.

POV: Tim

The cab dropped me a few blocks from my place: finally, a couple of more minutes and I could relax at home. This was a long day. Nothing ground-breaking or anything, as I simply had to meet a client downtown. It went well, no need to go into boring details, but I’m glad I know how to pilot drones and film stuff with them. Believe it or not, working as an editor for Greg’s porn films, of all things, gave me lots of experience. I’m not planning to become a film-maker, but I do like how this stuff works. Plus, and perhaps most importantly, it pays the bills, which is good.

Bills that I’m currently sharing with my bro and roommate Dave anyway. I wonder if he’s home: today he called in sick from work because he had to do some stuff with Dana -something related to them planning to move in together. From what he told me, it’s been a tough month, and often he ended up working overtime, so he really needed this one day to get some stuff done with his girlfriend.

It was evening, around 7:00 PM, the cold breeze scratching my face, with my eyes being spared thanks to my round glasses. I could spot our house: the lights were on. I do hope he is home, or else he’s gonna pay *those* bills by himself this time. 

Indeed, I passed by Dave’s car parked on the driveway, still warm, meaning that my friend probably got home mere minutes before me. I quickly put a halt to my detective work and opened the door, stepping into our living room / kitchen, being greeted by the warmth of our apartment, other than a firm “Yo!” from my roommate.

Dave walked past me and towards the couch, holding a sandwich, greeting me by making noises with his mouth as he took a big bite of his snack. 

“You didn’t even make me say ‘Honey, I’m home.”

I watched Dave lying down on the long couch, reaching for the laptop on the small table in front of it, as he put it on his chest, comically close to his face. Impressive how fast that sandwich got eaten up -he is a big eater after all, despite the tall, slim appearance.

“Because that’s my line.” he replied, his fingers tapping the buttons on the keyboard.

I hung my coat by the door and went into the kitchen to fetch a beer.

“I thought you called in sick.” I asked, as I opened the fridge, disappointed by the lack of alcohol.

“I did.” he said, the stern tone catching me off guard. “Such bullshit!”

He wasn’t mad at me obviously, probably some work-related issue, as it usually happens lately. 

I solved my own very important issue with the fridge instead by settling for a soda, because my body may be a temple, but most temples are old and crumbling so I’m just very committed to the role.

As I walked towards the couch, Dave (eyes glued on the screen) automatically moved his legs just a bit to make room for me. Another sign that he came back a few minutes ago was that he was still wearing, well, casual clothes, precisely a yellow hoodie and a pair of bright blue jeans (and grey socks -he left his sneakers by the door). Since I’m a kinky asshole, I did notice that he was accidentally showing off his sort-of-sagging denim ass towards me, but I easily ignored that by focusing on the soda and the TV. 

Even though he wasn’t angry at me, I didn’t want to annoy him by asking more questions about the job, especially considering the furious tapping I was hearing, so I simply, and silently, took a sip of my not-beer.

“It’s because of Fisher by the way.” Dave said, his face hidden behind the laptop.

“Again?!” I replied. “You did tell me he was making a mess like… 2 days ago.”

“And guess who’s trying to fix the mess he made at 7:30 PM.”

Another episode of my bro working overtime, ladies and gentleman.

Dave also rarely works from home, so I don’t usually get to see how he acts in those situations. The rare times it happened I noticed he switches to a serious man of few words. He still is chill and all, just rightfully focused on whatever task he’s working on.

Whatever happened made him really angry however, as I heard the keyboard almost beg for mercy under all that furious tapping. That’s Dave: when he gets really mad, he actually goes silent. One of those men, yes.

I just remained there, chilling and watching the TV, enjoying my soda, though a beer would have been better in case this wasn’t clear. Occasionally, my friend would occasionally mumble some insults towards the screen or, better yet, to this Fisher guy, a man he complained about to us in the last few days, something that he almost never does. Dave is very easy-going as you know, and very very patient (exhibit A: me), but push the right buttons and he will get mad at you.

“Sorry about all the tapping.” he suddenly said, after like 10 minutes of silence, still focused on the screen. “I can go upstairs if that’s bothering you.” 

“It’s fine bro.” I replied. “I’ve already seen this movie anyway.”

“Yeah the news are wild these days.”

I found it funny how Dave tried to hold a casual conversation despite being so clearly distracted by whatever was happening at work (I don’t blame him). And speaking of which, I certainly didn’t want to distract him myself, so I didn’t reply.

“I mean it’s not like you’re not used to me making weird noises on this couch anyway.”

There he is, the teasing bastard.

I turned to him and I could see him narrowing his eyes and raising his eyebrows, the laptop screen hiding a cheesy smirk. So focused on his job, but will always take the chance to tease and make fun of me.

Which I will always be thankful for.

“…maybe I should go upstairs.” I said, in a deadpan tone.

Without halting all the typing and his focus on the screen, Dave’s casual, immediate answer made the couch shake: a huge fart, one of his usual, Dave-certified displays of flatulence, almost stock-sounding rips. A quick 4-seconds thunder, unusually (relatively) short for my friend’s standards, but loud and proud like it’s perfectly in-brand for him. 

The blast was followed by Dave snoffing from behind the laptop, very aware that his kinky roomate both loves and hates all this teasing.

“Weren’t you going upstairs?” he asked, trying not to laugh, as if nothing happened.

I mouthed a “fuck you” which he obviously couldn’t see. I stared at his denim now instead, the sagging making the ass look even bigger and more imposing in that position and from this angle. My dirty mind liked the view and how casual the pose was, farting like I wasn’t even there. And speaking of casual, you know it, Dave is as usual ridiculously chill with my kink and I’ll never thank him enough for this whole thing going on between us.

“Here’s what I think of Fisher.”

Dave then said, before ripping another huge rip, doing the classic leg-lift move in the process. He didn’t even look at me, still hiding behind the laptop, just farting as if I wasn’t sitting dangerously close to the source, like I said. Another “short” rip, as long as the previous one, and just as loud, if not more.

My friend’s farts are usually as loud as they are long, but I was definitely enjoying this barrage of quick blasts. Then again, when it comes to Dave’s farts, the term “short” is like describing a nuclear explosion as “kind of noisy”.

Naturally, the scent of those quickies reached my nose and engulfed the entire room. My bro’s farts are always big but not as stinky as one may expect. Don’t get me wrong, your nostrils will burn, but they’re not as hard on the nose as they sound… most of the times. 

One thing that was hard, however, was my cock, unsurprisingly reacting to my friend’s talent.

“Alright, done.” Dave said, stretching his right arm to clumsily put the laptop on the small table in front of the couch. “I hope Fisher gets hit by an asteroid tonight.” 

I silently toasted to his understandable wish and took another sip of my soda. My bro was now lying on the couch, legs up, without anything hiding his smirk, the smirk that proved how him showing off his denim sagging ass in my direction was not a coincidence this time. I tried to ignore that, but it was getting very difficult, especially considering that, knowing his skills, the blasts were far from being over.

I kept myself distracted by doing literally anything else than staring, such as putting the empty soda can on the floor by the couch.

“So, you’re done working?” I managed to ask.

He cackled in response to that. 

“Sort of. Got one last job to do.” he said, a cheesy grin drawn on his face.

“What do you m- oh… of course.”

I understood mid-sentence what he meant. The fact that he leaned towards me to reach for my head and pull it down and close to his denim ass being a big clue. I didn’t even try to resist, and I let his hand push my face in front of his butt, Dave’s legs spreading a bit more to once again make room for me -my entire head, in this case. The scent from his previous farts was strong and the ass was warm; the seams and textures of his jeans were always a pleasure to look at, the rough surface tickling the tip of my nose. 

As usual, when Dave gets gassy, my face ends up planted straight into the source of his farts, even though I didn’t ask for it. I don’t know if he did that on purpose, but I was positioned in a way that while most of my view was obscured by his overwhelming ass, I could still see part of my friend’s face, staring down at me, with a smirk. I love when it happens: experiencing one of Dave’s farts so up close and personal while still managing to see that damn smirk (or his other facial expressions) only makes the whole experience even hotter for me.

And hotter it became, not just figuratively, as Dave’s ass soon greeted with another huge blast. Was it stronger than the previous two or did my face being glued to his denim-clad anus made it feel like it was? Either way, it was huge and loud, a standard “Dave rip”, and getting those in my face is something I’ll never get used to. It definitely was longer than the previous farts, about 7 seconds, which only made the smell worse in the process. My bro wasn���t even holding my head anymore, but I didn’t want to move, nor he was surprised that I didn’t.

After he was finished he adjusted his position, so he could see my face better and make fun of me being a kinky mess as usual, while I was completely dazed by his talent.

“Remember when you apologized for the tapping?” I joked.

I made my friend laugh, which I guess is the only way I can somehow return the incredible kinky favor.

“Good times.” he joked back.

My head was still facing his ass, but admittedly it was getting awkward. Dave probably noticed that I was moving away and promptly used his left leg to trap me.

“I’m not gonna apologize for this, bro.” he said, clearly brewing another big one. “…Ready?”

And ready I was, bracing myself for the impact, but the noise I heard was not what I was expecting.

“Fuck!” I heard Dave say, reacting to that same noise.

I saw his right arm reaching for his smartphone, next to the laptop he put there moments ago.

“Fisher?! Really?!” he commented, as he saw the name of the person calling.

I remained there, now things getting awkward for real.

Again I tried to move away, and again my bro made sure I couldn’t.

“Hold on, I gotta take this one.” he said, with the silliest smirk you can imagine. “In the meantime, you can take this one instead.”

A huge rip suddenly blasted my face, just as Dave answered with a surprisingly calm and professional “Hello?”. The fart lasted like 3 seconds but it was probably the baddest one so far, in terms of sound and stench.

“Nooo Fisher, not bothering me at all.” 

I saw and heard Dave resisting the urge to tell this guy to fuck off, and he confirmed that he was lying but winking at me as he continued his ass-licking: after all, Fisher was actually one of his superiors. Not judging however, I’d do the same, and truth to be told, with my face being engulfed in Dave’s gas, you could say that I am doing the same right now, sort of.

As my friend seemed particularly into that phone call, I tried to move one more time, but Dave promptly used his left foot to step on my head and hold me there. Now my nostrils were being tortured not just by Dave’s gas, but also his smelly sock soiling my hair.

So, as long as I’m staying down there, with Dave’s foot firmly holding me still, I simply stared at that wall of denim in front of me; despite the anus being silent, the stench was still kind of unbearable. I know I just said that my bro’s rips do not stink as much as one may think, but when you fart this much and this often, of course one is gonna reach their breaking point, even a kinky guy like me.

“Mh… okay. I see. What did Johnson said?”

I laughed. Dave having this super serious work call while literally holding his farts in was actually hilarious. I managed to look at his face and he was like I wasn’t even there, a calm, assertive man just doing his job. He did look at me for a moment though, trying not to laugh, and winked at me again, fully aware of how ridiculous the whole thing was.

“Sure Fisher, by Tuesday we’ll be ready.”

As Dave said that, I noticed his facial expression changing. He was pushing one out… but since I wasn’t getting blown away, I guess he was pushing this one out in a way that he could somehow control how loud it was gonna be. After all, my bro is the fart master: he knows how to roar, but he also knows how to whisper, proving an incredible talent when it comes to literally controlling his farts’ loudness, length and pitch. 

And those weren’t even on command!

As Dave’s foot kept me in place, the fart that came out was as big as the others, but in a different way. My friend was probably worried (more amused than worried, actually) that Fisher could actually hear his infamous loud farts through the phone, which is not very professional admittedly… and for some reason he also wanted to torture me with his gas. So, the fart master decided to somehow “dilute” his fart into a sort of quieter, rumbly, bubbly long rip.

I could tell this rip was enormous, in spite of all those nerfs. It sounded like a muffled rip with many interruptions, like fire-crackers going off, without getting too loud however. Dave kept the conversation going, speaking about documents, files, coding and all that, his facial expression revealing how carefully he was pushing this one out, while still focusing on the call, without missing a beat. The whole scene was hot and amusing for both of us (well, just the second one for my bro).

This masterful rip was going to be long, even longer than Dave’s usual farts, which are already impressive. I didn’t know if I could edge any longer, as my boner twitched every time this peculiar long fart got surprisingly louder than expected.

10 seconds passed, the stench burning my nostrils and eyes, the fart still “cracking” through Dave’s warm denim and reaching my defenceless nose. I know my bro is good at this, but takes some incredible skills to control your farts like this, natural farts I mean. And such skills only made me harder.

“Yes Fisher, I ToTaLlY AgReE…” 

Dave raised his voice just a bit, anticipating his ass doing the same: a clumsy way to hide the sound of his giant fart from Fisher’s ears. As skilled as my friend is, trying to “dilute” such a huge rip this much and for this long was getting difficult even for a talented man like him. This “accident” only made him silently laugh however.

“Sure Fisher, whatever you say.”

Professionals have standards, you know the drill. And Dave being this professional from both ends was a sight to behold (and, well, sniff I guess). I forgot about my friend’s foot combing my hair and just lied there enjoying the noisy spectacle, the “fireworks” still going strong. Pre-cum erupted from my boner, I couldn’t take it anymore. This gassy bastard makes me cum without even touching me, it’s insane how hot he can get.

Worst (best?) of all, he’s completely aware of it.

After a whopping 56 seconds, the ass seemingly stopped emitting those fire-cracker noises. Despite the relative silence, my bro still made sure I didn’t move, which is something I didn’t even want to question at this point.

“Alright… no no it’s all good. See you tomorrow morning.”

A bit more paying lip service and finally… he hung up.

“Idiot.” he hissed, as he threw the phone on the small table.

I still remained there, my head under Dave’s foot and in the presence of his sagging ass, without questioning whether this was getting too weird or awkward.

“Are… are you finished?” I carefully asked.

“Yeah.” my friend said, with a smirk. 

I guess blasting me does put him in a good mood.

We’re both weird, no doubts about it.

“And that means I’m done holding back. Get ready.” he then added, threatening me with a good time.

If all of that was Dave “holding back”, then yeah, my bro’s skills are just as insane as they sound.

Without even giving me time to come up with a witty comeback, Dave finally raised his foot… only to have his hand take its place, pulling my face up and firmly planting it in his sagging denim ass. It felt warm and kind of sweaty, the jeans soaked into that stench caused by the almost 1-minute-long “fire-cracker” fart. 

How is it possible to be this gassy? A few seconds after my nose touched his ass, my friend started blasting my face again. Yet another loud fart, long and proud, probably what was left of the insane gas bubble from moments earlier, ‘cause that really sounded like his ass was tying up loose ends. As the fart kept going, Dave firmly, but gently, held my face into his ass, with the rip basically being shoved down my throat.

Finally, after 12 more seconds, this final thunder faded out, as Dave’s grip on my head loosened. My friend then (just as gently) pushed me away with his legs on my side of the couch; I was completely startled by all of that, one of the most insane fart sessions I ever had with my bro.

“Are you finished… now?” I asked again.

“ahah You’re lucky my shift is over.” he replied.

He then stood up and walked towards the kitchen, easily towering over me still sitting down on the couch. As if the gas-trail he was leaving behind wasn’t enough, he ripped another loud quickie as his ass passed near my face. I leaped back, not expecting, believe it or not, to fall for such an old trick.

“I thought you were done!”

In response, I heard my friend laugh from the kitchen. 

“Yeah, told you I’ve been working overtime lately!”

I took a deep breath, the air around me still heavily polluted by the power of my roommate’s ass, and carefully massaged the damp tent I pitched between my legs. I was gonna take care of that in the bathroom upstairs in a minute; I only wanted a bit more time to process those particularly strong rips… and if I should start paying Dave since face-farting is, apparently, his real job.

End of Episode 33

[dragonridernoobie]

Hi👋

Can you pls do TFP(Bumblebee, Ratchet, Smokescreen, Knockout, Breakdown and Megatron) how would they react to thare cybertronian gn s/o snuezed(english isn't my first language, sorry if i wrote it wrong😭) VERYYYY adorably

It can be headcanons or scenario, but headcanons pls🥺, and have an good day/night💜💗🌌

Cute, and I'm so, so, so, sorry this took so long, I've been busy irl. I hope you love it! I really do! I have been on writer block as well, so, hopefully, I did well!

TFP transformers X Cybertronian Reader

Info: You sneezed, and the other reacted.

TFP Bumblebee

You and Bumblebee came back from a mission to find energon

While returning, you and Bumblebee were stuck in a slight cave in which caused dust to get in eachothers joints.

When you returner to base, you're fans were having trouble getting the dirt out. So as a last resort, it pushed the dirt out forcefully.

Which caused you to sneeze like a little panda(if you know the video).

When you look at Bumblebee, he looked at you with massive optics before beeping in rapid motion, saying "how cute" and "how did you do it"

You wished the ground will swallow you up.

Ratchet

You just returned from a fight with decpticons when you went out scouting.

You were dented up badly and ratchet was looking you over. While he looked you over, he starts to use a smoother to buff out you're armor.

While he was smoothing out you're body, some dry paint flies off and hits you on you're face. You're fans trying to get it out of you're body forces you to sneeze it out.

When you sneezed and looked at ratchet, he looked at you wide optics.

He starts to fuss over to ask if yiunwere ok and cybertronian arnt suppose to make that noise.

While fussing over, you explained what happened but he ain't gonna take that as an awnser.

Looks like you are trapped.

(Art not mine, it's @snowiiarts <----

Knockout&Breakdown

Breakdown and Knockout were both doing new resurch in human biology.

They found it wierd as fuck but they were forced into it, since Megatron wanted them to figure out ways to hurt primes humans pets.

While reasurching, (Y/N) was with them. They decided that to figure out human biology, they should upload deta into themselves that makes them experience a little bit of human biology.

(Y/N) was the first tester (she volunteered), and she uploaded the deta.

Breakdown and knockout watch closely to see if anything changes but nothing happens.

When they were about to call it a failed experiment, (Y/N) suddenly made a wierd noise.

When they turn to her, they see her jerk forward while her eyes close.

Immediately they think she is having a spark attack. Cut to (Y/N) on a slab with breakdown and knockdown running around in fear if they arnt fast enough, their friend will die.

Smokescreen

It was a normal day in the base.

The kids are playing games, the bots are doing their own thing, and smokescreen and (Y/N) are daring eachother.

They were in smokescreens berthroom and they were daring eachother to do random things.

Smokescreen soon dared (Y/N) to make a random noise that the humans have made at one point, and choose her to make a noise that the humans called a "sneeze"

(Y/n) not backing down, choose to do it, so she tried....and tried....and tried....and tried....

After multiple attempts, she was about to give up when she glitched her own system and made her fans force all the air out of her body.

She made a sneeze noise that dident sound Exactly like a human sneezing but close enough.

Smokescreen laughs extremely hard by seeing her face, since it sounded so funny.

Just yiu wait, you.will make him do somthing called a fart.

Megatron

Megatron currently was walking with (Y/N) down the halls of the nemisis.

He was explaining to her about his new plans of deafening the autobots.

While he explained his new plan, they walked around the corner, they come across some autobots on bored.

Megatron wasted no time to open fire, (Y/N) joining him.

While they fought, (Y/N) noticed the kids hidding behind a dead soldier.

She attempts to reach them but miko suddenly throws sand she has in her pocket (pocket sand 😆😆😆)

(Y/n) roars in pain and the humans run to the autobots before leaving through a ground bridge.

When megatron turns to (y/n) and stomps to her, ready to yell at her for letting them escape, (Y/N) suddenly makes a noise that stops him in his tracks.

He stears at (Y/n) who makes the noise again and apologize for her not capturing the humans.

After a quite few seconds, megatron excuses her and says "don't let it happen again."

He leaves to go find soundwave. He wants a recording of that noise...it was cute.

[agerefandomstuff]

Hello! If your taking requests, could you please write some cg!soldier boy headcannons? Particularly for a babyspace regressor? I know he doesnt seem like the cg type, but hes my comfort character lol!

Tysm, your awesome!!!!

Cg!Soldier Boy for Babyspace!Reader

A/N: Have I ever said how much I love grumpy old men? They make good caregivers with all their teasing and hard exterior.

–“It shouldn't be that hard. What did babies do anyhow besides shit, piss, and sleep?”

–He learns it's a lot more fun to look after a baby regressor than he ever thought.

–Laughs when you repeat or babble cuss words he says.

–Puts a little rum on your pacifier when you're being fussy. “What? It's what my old man did.”

–He's clearly not a responsible adult but he’s keeping you. And you're stuck with him. No one can keep you safer than him.

–Plays his movies with you in his lap and spends the whole time talking. But it doesn't matter because you don't understand any of it anyway. You just like the moving pictures. 

–He bought you a fancy handcrafted crib with his Vought salary but does he put you in it often? No. You're cuddling with him in bed. 

Unless he has gals over. Then it's cuddle time with your blankies/stuffed animals/whatever it is you showed a passing interest in.

-he bought you them while complaining about it. “You like this crap? Seriously?”

-He might definitely use you to pick up ladies. Babies can be a chick magnet.

–Will take you everywhere without shame. 

Photoshoots? You're there. Filming? Your right off camera. Walking the streets? You're on his hip. Driving in a military jeep to god knows where? He’ll put earmuffs on you so you don't cry over the loud noises and keep you in his lap the whole time. The meetings out in tattered tents in war zones? He sits you down beside him and lets you play in the dirt. He's as much tethered to you as you are him. 

Is he supposed to be taking you to some of these places? No. but he’s the original supe. He's Soldier Boy. He can do what he wants. 

-"The fuck you lookin at, punk? Babies need the constant attention. And I’m not about to leave em in the hands of some weakass babysitter.”

-You've gotten used to cigar smoke in your face and gruff, angry voices as a side effect of always being around him.

–Generally a grumpy old man who will lie straight through his teeth about how much he loves and adores you so he doesn't seem vulnerable. also because it's funny.

-“This little shithead? Pfft. no. they're just riding my coattails.” buying you everything that reminds him of you. “Can't get em to leave my ass alone.” actively holding you on his hip. “I’m just protecting the useless little fart because they can't do it themselves.” bouncing you on his knees while at an interview on live television.

–He’ll swat you if you've been naughty but how naughty can babies actually be?

-If you cry he may internally rethink the idea of spanking but externally will tell you to man up.

–he plays up the dramatics if he has to change diapers. There's a good chance that if he pays for any kind of support from other people; it would be mainly to change diapers.

–Feeds you anything he's eating, or he can get you to eat. Should babies be having burgers and fries instead of.. Whatever else are they supposed to eat? He doesn't know. Or care. It started out as him being lazy but now it's just because it makes you and him happy when he’s hand feeding you things off his plate. 

-he will feed you bottles though. If someone has already pre-mixed and put them in the fridge for him. 

-that's a part of the bedtime cuddle routine. You laying over his lap, head against his shoulder, sleepily suckling away while he watches his movies or chats away with his soldier buddies/guests/gals.

–Frequently “forgets” to bring a diaper bag with him to most places because while toting his baby around is no big deal, being seen with what he thinks is a “woman’s item” is apparently too far.

-yeah that gets him in some sticky places sometimes. but plenty of fans (and overworked interns) are ready to help their favorite number one hero!

If we’re in modern day 

–he makes a lot of passive aggressive comments about how “you better not get any ideas from my first failed seed.” or “if Homelander had me like you do he wouldn't have turned out the way he did. So you better feel lucky.”

–will watch modern cartoons with you with extreme confusion and plenty of complaints. (man nearly cost Butcher a new tv when he had to watch Trolls. You spent the time giggling at him because you knew his “violence” and “anger” towards the movie wasn't actually a real threat. Hughie didnt though. That poor guy was clinging to his geiger counter, nearly wetting himself.)

–"Well.. at least one thing didn't change...” he’ll murmur fondly while running his fingers over your face as you sleep. 

–you help give him something to focus on when things aren't going well. You're a good anchor for him and he might admit that he does respect and appreciate what you do for him. Even though all you have to do is let him take care of you. 

Extra: “You can't give a baby a weapon!” “They’re my baby and I can do what I damn well please– for christ sake… dont fucking chew on– take it out of your mouth right now!”

[applepi0nes]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

Demetrius Desmond fluff/SFW alphabet Pt. 2

Demetrius Desmond X GN!reader

SFW

L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

Guys I wanted to upload the original but it didn't save so this is the second version? And I was kind of pissed so it's not the best.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

L - Love (how do they show you they love you? What’s their love language?)

At first Demetrius will be trying to show you his love in a lot of ways, for example he heard that gift giving makes girls happy from one of his classmates. So the next morning you will have flowers in your doorstep (expect they will be in pot amd not cut, because why would he give you dead flowers?)

He's the type of guy to give your mum an microwave for Christmas, because he noticed that yours is not working while visiting.

M - Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He has a strict schedule and wakes up early, so if you are (like me) sleeping longer (or till 11 am) he simply leaves the room and starts his day without you. But if you will ask him to stay in the morning with you sometimes he has no problem with it. Im the start he got bored quickly, so he started to leave some books on his nightstand to read in the mornings.

Also when you wake up with messy hair and droll on your lips he doesn't really mind. In fact he doesn't mind any natural body sounds or projections. Like farts or something. He couldn't care less, you're getting a smooch even with a dried droll on your mouth.

N - Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

You leaving him, even worse rejecting him in an advanced state of your realitionship, after being married. Demetrius didn't think he would be a bad husband, but after dating you he tends to get insecure sometimes since he started acknowledge couples and people around him more.

Just don't leave him since you are the only person he has.

O - Obvious (How obvious do they make it that they like you?)

People around you wouldn't notice even after marriage I fear. He got trained like some freaking soldier by his father I fear so in public he almost acts like you're a stranger.

But in private he's definitely glued to you. Don't even dare to be on your phone or shift your attention on something, even worse someone else. He's gonna be silently judging you. You talk a lot about future together so you know he's taking this very seriously.

P - Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Your name...

M sorry, but he will just copy what he heard from his parents like Dear. But it might expand into My love, my future wife.

P - Patience (how easily do they get angry?)

Demetrius was learned to not show emotions so he's sometimes confused by them, but he would never scream at you or be physically aggressive. He might use stern voice sometimes but that's all.

Overall he's very patient and if he gets rarely annoyed he might go quiet or end your meeting/date whatever you're doing.

Q - Quiet (How are the calm, quiet moments with them?)

I think the only noise he doesn't mind is your babling. He loves quiet sincere moments with you.

R - Rhythm (what songs reminds you of them?)

Headlock - Imogen Heap

Supernova Love - IVE

If only - Dove Cameron

(I have like thousand more in my mind, pls tell me if you want me to share)

S - Secrets (how open are they with you?)

He wouldn't purposely keep secrets, but more tries to protect you from his family problems. Eventually might come to you as a lost puppy and rattle through all his problems.

S - Security (how protective are they? how would they protect their s/o?)

Gets protective very easily and doesn't mind verbally arguing for you. Will not take any disrespect on the future Donovan lady.

T - Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Either 3 weeks or 3 months, don't ask.

U - Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

Quietly waits for you to calm down or come to him. Will not interfere if it's not a very long time.

V - Vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

He knows he isn't nor modem nor unattractive. He seems himself as an average looking gentleman.

W - Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Idk why but i just got the imagine of Demetrius telling the teacher that you git into fight

Anyways, in terms of for your love he would probably have to start with an disagreement with his father. There are two options

Either Donovan couldn't care less and only cares about if you are able to birth children.

Or he will not accept you if you're not noble and trained enough. Definitely would prefer if you obeyed instead of being a brat.

Would fight for you, but wouldn't sacrifice his whole family's legacy for it.

X - X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

At the start he is going to be a lot confused, but later in the realitionship he will be reading you like an open book.

Y - Yearn (What do they do when they miss you?)

A lot, it geniuly starts bothering him how much he starts being dependent on you.

Z- Zzz (How do they act when they get sleepy? How is it sleeping in the same bed?)

Sleeps like those dead people in coffin. Later tries to imitate your sleeping habits and realizes his sleeping wasn't the most comfortable before. Doesn't really cuddle while sleeping but will hold your hand.

If he gets sleepy you won't figure it out till he tells you. He always looks like he fights sleep.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

I'm gonna write Demetrius's BD (as Becky's older sister series) and another surprise drabble/fic later.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

[daily-kotlc-sentence]

BOOK: Keeper of the Lost Cities

CHAPTER: One

(96/270)

They called her Curvebuster.

She finished her answer, and Mr. Sweeney grumbled something that sounded like “know-it-all” as he stalked off to the exhibit in the next room over. Sophie didn’t follow. The thin walls separating the two rooms didn’t block the noise, but they muffled it. She grabbed what little relief she could.

“Nice job, superfreak,” Garwin Chang—a boy wearing a T-shirt that said BACK OFF! I’M GONNA FART—sneered as he shoved past her to join their classmates. “Maybe they’ll write another article about you. ‘Child Prodigy Teaches Class About the Lame-o-saurus.’”

Garwin was still bitter Yale had offered her a full scholarship. His rejection letter had arrived a few weeks before.

Not that Sophie was allowed to go.

Her parents said it was too much attention, too much pressure, and she was too young. End of discussion.

So she’d be attending the much closer, much smaller San Diego City College next year—a fact some annoying reporter found newsworthy enough to post in the local paper the day before—CHILD PRODIGY CHOOSES CITY COLLEGE OVER IVY LEAGUE—complete with her senior photo. Her parents freaked when they found it. “Freaked” wasn’t even a strong enough word. More than half their rules were to help Sophie “avoid unnecessary attention.” Front-page articles were pretty much their worst nightmare. They’d even called the newspaper to complain.

The editor seemed as unhappy as they were. The story was run in place of an article on the arsonist terrorizing the city—and they were still trying to figure out how the mistake had happened. Bizarre fires with white-hot flames and smoke that smelled like burnt sugar took priority over everything. Especially a story about an unimportant little girl most people went out of their way to ignore.

Or, they used to.

Across the museum, Sophie caught sight of a tall, dark-haired boy reading yesterday’s newspaper with the embarrassing black-and-white photo of her on the front. Then he looked up and stared straight at her.

She’d never seen eyes that particular shade of blue before—teal, like the smooth pieces of sea glass she’d found on the beach—and they were so bright they glittered. Something flickered across his expression when he caught her gaze. Disappointment?

Before she could decide what to make of it, he shrugged off the display he’d been leaning against and closed the distance between them.

The smile he flashed belonged on a movie screen, and Sophie’s heart did a weird fluttery thing.

“Is this you?” he asked, pointing to the picture.

Sophie nodded, feeling tongue-tied. He was probably fifteen, and by far the cutest boy she’d ever seen. So why was he talking to her?

“I thought so.” He squinted at the picture, then back at her. “I didn’t realize your eyes were brown.”

“Uh . . . yeah,” she said, not sure what to say.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “No reason.”

Something felt off about the conversation, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. And she couldn’t place his accent. Kind of British, but different somehow. Crisper? Which bothered her—but she didn’t know why.

“Are you in this class?” she asked, wishing she could suck the words back as soon as they left her mouth. Of course he wasn’t in her class. She’d never seen him before. She wasn’t used to talking to boys—especially cute boys—and it made her brain a little mushy.

His perfect smile returned as he told her, “No.” Then he pointed to the hulking greenish figure they were standing in front of. An Albertosaurus, in all its giant, lizardesque glory. “Tell me something. Do you really think that’s what they looked like? It’s a little absurd, isn’t it?”

“Not really,” Sophie said, trying to see what he saw. It looked like a small T. rex: big mouth, sharp teeth, ridiculously short arms. Seemed fine to her. “Why? What do you think they looked like?”

He laughed. “Never mind. I’ll let you get back to your class. It was nice to meet you, Sophie.”

He turned to leave just as two classes of kindergartners barreled into the fossil exhibit. The crushing wave of screaming voices was enough to knock Sophie back a step. But their mental voices were a whole other realm of pain.

Kids’ thoughts were stinging, high-pitched needles—and so many at once was like an angry porcupine attacking her brain. Sophie closed her eyes as her hands darted to her head, rubbing her temples to ease the stabbings in her skull. Then she remembered she wasn’t alone.

She glanced around to see if anyone noticed her reaction and locked eyes with the boy. His hands were at his forehead, and his face wore the same pained expression she imagined she’d had only a few seconds before.

“Did you just . . . hear that?” he asked, his voice hushed.

She felt the blood drain from her face.

He couldn’t mean . . .

It had to be the screaming kids. They created plenty of racket on their own. Shrieks and squeals and giggles, plus sixty or so individual voices chattering away.

Voices.

She gasped and took another step back as her brain solved her earlier problem.

She could hear the thoughts of everyone in the room. But she couldn’t hear the boy’s distinct, accented voice unless he was speaking.

His mind was totally and completely silent.

She didn’t know that was possible.

“Who are you?” she whispered.

His eyes widened. “You did—didn’t you?” He moved closer, leaning in to whisper. “Are you a Telepath?”

She flinched. The word made her skin itch.

And her reaction gave her away.

“You are! I can’t believe it,” he whispered.

Sophie backed toward the exit. She wasn’t about to reveal her secret to a total stranger.

“It’s okay,” he said, holding out his hands as he moved closer, like she was some sort of wild animal he was trying to calm. “You don’t have to be afraid. I’m one too.”

Sophie froze.

“My name’s Fitz,” he added, stepping closer still.

Fitz? What kind of a name was Fitz?

She studied his face, searching for some sign that this was all part of a joke.

“I’m not joking,” he said, like he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Maybe he did.

She wobbled on her feet.

She’d spent the past seven years wishing she could find someone else like her—someone who could do what she could. Now that she’d found him, she felt like the world had tilted sideways.

He grabbed her arms to steady her. “It’s okay, Sophie. I’m here to help you. We’ve been looking for you for twelve years.”

Twelve years? And what did he mean by “we”?

Better question: What did he want with her?

The walls closed in and the room started to spin.

Air.

She needed air.

She jerked away and bolted through the door, stumbling as her shaky legs found their rhythm.

She sucked in giant breaths as she ran down the stairs in front of the museum. The smoke from the fires burned her lungs and white bits of ash flew in her face, but she ignored them. She wanted as much space between her and the strange boy as possible.

“Sophie, come back!” Fitz shouted behind her.

She picked up her pace as she raced through the courtyard at the base of the steps, past the wide fountain and over the grassy knolls to thesidewalk. No one got in her way—everyone was inside because of the poor air quality. But she could still hear his footsteps gaining on her.

“Wait,” Fitz called. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

She ignored him, pouring all her energy into her sprint and fighting the urge to glance over her shoulder to see how far back he was. She made it halfway through a crosswalk before the sound of screeching tires reminded her she hadn’t looked both ways.

Her head turned and she locked eyes with a terrified driver struggling to stop his car before it plowed right over her.

She was going to die.

[emotionally-creative-rogue]

DOMINATION LINES!!

THANK YOU @caramelcheesegay FOR COMING UP WITH 90% OF THESE, ILY<333

DOMINATED:

Scout:

-“Can’t stun me if you can’t hit me! I’m a freakin’ blur, dipshit!”

-“I am ALWAYS gonna dodge that. When will you LEARN, man?”

-“Oh, oh, oh! I’m STUNNED at how bad you’re doin’!”

Soldier:

-“Don’t swing your puny stick at me, maggot! You come from fake America!!!”

-“I AM IMPERVIOUS TO ALL OF YOUR ATTACKS, SYRUP-SLURPER!”

-“Get off the battlefield and go play some hockey, weakling!”

Demo:

-“Aye, I bet you thought it’d be easy ta kill me, didn’t’che? Well, iaarrghhnnn *snore*.”

-“You call tha’ a grenade?? Me blind Mum farts worse than that wee thing!” 

-“Don’ come a’ me in those ghoulish boots lad, I’ll blast ‘em right offa yer feet!” 

Engie:

-“You’re just a little piece a’ sentry fodder now, aren’t’cha?”

-“You make for some real shitty target practice, son.”

-“Tell me ‘bout those stun grenades sometime, yeah?”

Heavy:

-“Ha! Leetle bug man is crushed. Like bug. Leetle bug. Feed you to Archimedes, Buggy.”

-“Small jumpy man- not Scout? There are two small jumpy men???”

-“You think loud noise and bright light are enough to take down Heavy??? I am killing you now!!”

Medic:

-“Oohoo! Free organs! Young, too!”

-“Ach, that reminds me- I need to feed my birds.”

-“Ohhh, sorry little boy! Go play with your crayons, ja?”

Sniper:

-“Piss off, y’ jumpy git. Bloody grasshopper…”

-“Awh, get quicker next time, won’tcha?” 

-“Dead like a ‘roo on the side o’ the road!”

Spy:

-“For someone named ‘The Rogue’, you are certainly a pack thinker.”

-“Oho! I am *stunned* by your lack of skill!”

-“Not so *Dexx*trous now, hm?”

DOMINATING:

Scout: 

-“No runnin’ in the halls, freshman!”

-“Bonk? More like thonk, eh? ‘Cause that’s the sound your hollow head makes when I hit ya!” 

-“Hah! Too slow!” 

Soldier: 

-“Y'know, a 3" piece of rubber can do a lotta damage, Trench Monkey!”

-“Hah! Oh, I mean- I'm sooo soooorey aboot tha', Bud! (snicker)”

-“A cat on a sloped roof is braver than the entire U.S. Military, Booklicker!” 

Pyro: 

-“Ack! Sorry, Firecracker!” 

-“Oh shit, I think I’m still on fire. Damn it, these were my favorite pants!” 

-“Hey we're, uh, still on for s'mores later... right?”

Demo:

-“Pen's mightier than the sword, cyclops! Get it? 'Cause I'm an artist and you- yeah, nevermind”

-“Someone must have put a little sleepy sauce in your mickeys, bud, ‘cause you are NOT on top of it today!” 

-“Smile and wait for the flash!” 

Heavy:

-“Somebody order ten thousand pounds a’ dead weight? (Snort)” 

-“It’s really hard to miss your pressure points, y’know.” 

-“Move it, ya big lug! You’re in the way!” 

Engineer: 

-“GRENAAAAAADE! I WIN! Ya proud of me, da-uhhh.. dude?” 

-“See ya round, Daaaeengie! I said Engie. Short for Engineer. That is you. You are- I’ll go.” 

-“Bam! And another one down, and another one down! ANOTHER ONE BITES THE BO STAFF!!” 

Medic: 

-“oohohoh, Maybe I can try some experiments on you this time!- Y'know, put your lessons to good use!”

-“Doc, you seriously gotta take care of your health. Damn hypocrite... (Mocking voice) 'Do az I say, not az I do!' my ass!”

-“Guess that's what happens when you don't follow your own advice, thanks for the hands-on lesson!”

Sniper:

-“There, away from the noise now! Just how you like it, Dee!”

-“You may wink at your opponents, but ya gotta take the shot as well, y'know! Can't charm 'em to death!”

-“I just... un-cozied your... camper. I'm having a bad day please be nice.”

Spy:

-“Crisse de connard! -Aheh, not used to gettin' berated in your own language, eh?”

-“Va te faire foutre, merde de con!”

-“Bein Tabarnak, it feels good to turn the tables! Hah, deserved!”

Taunt ideas:

-Using the Bo-Staff as a microphone

-Using the bo-staff as a rifle(making fun of sniper)

-Juggling the stun grenades, almost dropping one and catching it in time before glancing around to see if anyone saw him and putting them away again

OCS:

DOMINATED:

Strat (@emotionally-stressed-strategist):

-“How are you this bad? I’m dominating you with a PEN, Rogue, A PEN.” 

-“Rock, skull. Man down.” 

-“One less dot on the map- don’t come back, yeah?”

Arrow (@emotionally-dead-archer):

-"Hah! Gotcha! Oh, gotta love a little sibling rivalry, am I right?"

-“Bigger sibling? Not really.”

-“Hey! My aim is getting better! Thanks for the target practice!”

DOMINATING:

Strat:

-“I’m done bein’ your wingman if you keep this up.”

-“That’s what happens when you steal my art supplies!”

-“How do you still not have ink poisoning? Dude, seriously.”

Arrow:

-“There! I make for a pretty good role model! You get to see my stuff first-hand!”

-“You're adopted. Sorry.”

-“I think it's almost bedtime, kiddo.”

Jet (@emotionally-broken-robot):

-"Hey, uh, does this count as Softwaregore?"

[oodlyenough]

immediate doctor who thoughts before i dive into tags/etc. spoilers for space babies and devil's chord:

both kind of mixed bags for me, where i had fun and was enjoying myself but no immediate no-qualms super faves. i preferred devil's chord for being a bit more dramatic over space babies being a bit too silly

space babies:

a bit too silly for me, although i find it objectively hilarious that RTD has heard a decade plus of criticism of farting aliens and was like "lmao watch THIS"

i did prefer this brief commentary on abortion to kill the moon lmfao

15 and ruby are super fun together, ruby jives into the companion role well and easily, old news by now haha but ncuti gatwa is a great fit for the doctor

the AI program run amok creating a bogeyman plot was neat i thought, like, conceptually, lol

felt a bit unresolved? like where is that thing going... to the refugee planet? is it ACTUALLY dangerous or just scary?

assumed they were going to reveal it was 'just scary (looking)' but it wasn't with the babies at the end lol

i have no clue what the status of the time lords is now -- another genocide?? when?? -- but also i don't care, god bless, love and light xoxo

some parts of this ep i felt like i had to just nod and remind myself they're treating it almost like a pilot episode

def some familiar beats with end of the world, rose seeing earth, calling home, etc. i prefer EOTW as an episode alas

devil's chord

liked this one a lot more, for like. 95% of it

couldn't afford licensed music LOL

ruby's theme on the piano is great

really enjoyed maestro as a villain! and i am interested in all the toymaker, giggle, pantheon stuff

caught the giggle noise right away and was :O

also i'm sure 1000 people pointed it out in the tags but for the record i did immediately clock the billboard for "chris waites and the commanders" -> "the one who waits" -> big bad hint. exciting

loved all the sort of... surreal playing with environment stuff the gods(??) are able to do, it adds a lot more tension and stuff to the ep and lets the show have fun. i think the supernatural, myth angle is going to be fun

susan reference! aw

'june or july 2024' lool they had no idea what the release window was gonna be huh

the 5% i didn't enjoy very much was the "twist ending". i like musicals! i was hyped for a musical ep! but that was... ??

overall season:

8 episodes is so short! but i guess it does allow them to really hone in on this ruby, toymaker, snow, myth mystery stuff. 15 and ruby have a great vibe and i'm looking forward to the rest

[ketchappu]

wwww your lil gecko is so cute!!!!! got any tips u wish you'd known before getting a gecko/things you've learned?? :O

[ID: A photo of Bowser, a yellow leopard gecko with a few spots on his head, half in a hide in his enclosure, staring right at the camera. His pupils are slits in his grey eyes. A little fake leaf is seen above his head. End ID.]

YES! I do have stuff to say about getting a leo for the first time.

First of all, they all have distinct personalities and tastes, far more than what the general public expects from a reptile. They have tastes that can change during their lives, and many moods. You can prepare all you want but you will have to adapt to your gecko's wants and needs! Mine hates the texture of moss so I had to change my plans for his humid hide, he hates worms so I had to get roaches (you get used to it and mealworms are actually a lot less healthy anyway). I made a whole ass castle in polystyrene so he could have "Bowser's castle" as a hide in the terrarium, except I didn't account for his little claws scratching against it and making noise... He fucking hated it and the castle had to GO day one as well. Bowser's castle is now a coconut hide he loves to death.

In the same vein, do NOT make unmovable parts in your terrarium. I made some hides out of expanding foam and they are stuck to the sides and a pain in the ass, now. You want something that can be taken apart easily, especially when you never know which part of the terrarium your geck will elect as their toilets.

Second, their health: wild types are the sturdiest because they have the less inbreeding. You want to handle your gecko semi regularly at the very least, you don't have to get him out everyday for 2 hours but do handle him enough so you can do check ups and spot any issues demanding a vet's attention. Monitoring them frequently is super important because geckos, as most reptiles, only really show signs of illness when it's already pretty advanced. So tracking their weight, their skin color and looseness, any weird spots or tiny wound/scab, is very important.

Knowing the basics about common health issues, the nutrients they need, and what constitues a good alimentation for them, is super important but often overlooked. It's not because it's a pretty hardy and indeoendant reptile that you can just do whatever. Be informed and most importantly attentive to your geck.

I'm not listing all the little (positive) surprises i got while living with him because I think discovering them by yourself is a great joy! But geckos yawn in the cutest way, they also rip ass and you wouldn't believe how something so tiny created a fart so toxic, they can chirp and have small armpits, their little hands are pink on the bottom, they have 100 minuscule teeth that tou will never see and express a lot with their tails, they are so awesome and funny to have around. I love mine to death!

[tooti-fruiti]

GLITZ AND GLAMOR [CHAPTER 4]

Sans and Papyrus

You held your arms together because you walked into a forest covered in snow somehow.

At this point you knew better than to question it.

You walked forward in the show, shivering.

You stepped over a giant stick and walking a few feet ahead of it.

You heard a loud boom and turned around.

The stick was smashed.

Something was here with you, and it knew you were here.

You carried on forward, trying to make as little noise as you possible could.

When you were about to step over a gate, you stopped.

You heard snow crunching footsteps behind you.

You were frozen in fear, you couldn't move.

" h u m a n . "

" d o n ' t

y o u

k n o w

h o w

t o

g r e e t

a

n e w

p a l ? "

" t u r n

a r o u n d

a n d

s h a k e

m y

h a n d . "

You slowly turned around, not wanting to upset the person behind you.

You closed your eyes out of fear and held out your hand.

You felt a cold boney hand touch your fingers.

And when it grabbed your hand, you felt something squishy and heard a loud fart noise.

You opened your eyes and jumped back in surprise.

In front of you was a skeleton about your height laughing at the prank it just pulled, wearing a blue hoodie, black basketball shorts, and pink slippers.

"ah the ol' whoopee cushion in the hand trick. it's always funny." He said.

He smiled and put his hands in his pockets.

"anyways, i'm sans. sans the skeleton. i'm actually supposed to be on watch for humans right now."

You grew worried.

"but uh y'know. i don't really care about capturing anybody."

You sighed a breath of relief.

Sans laughed. "sorry kid, didn't mean to spook you."

"however, my brother papyrus, he's a human hunting fanatic. hey, let's go across this bridge thingy my bro's right over there."

"Wait! I don't want to go over there if he's over there!" You said.

"eh, don't worry. i'll hide ya. go behind that conveniently shaped lamp."

Sans pointed at a lamp and it was shaped exactly like you.

How convenient.

"SANS!" You heard a high pitched voice yell as you hid behind the lamp.

You stayed still.

"sup bro?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S "SUP" BROTHER! IT'S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T RECALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES!"

As the voice carried on talking, you began to assume that this voice was Papyrus, sans's brother.

"NO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! I HAVE TO CAPTURE A HUMAN! I WILL BE THE ONE! I MUST BE THE ONE!"

"THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE! RESPECT! RECOGNITION!"

"hmm. maybe this lamp will help." Sans said.

Papyrus groaned. "SANS HOW COULD A LAMP HELP MY HUMAN PROBLEM, IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A HUMAN BEHIND IT!"

You froze.

"totally not."

"EXACTLY! THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS!"

You never felt so relieved before.

"AND YOU'RE NOT MUCH HELP EITHER. ALL YOU DO IS SIT AND BOONDOGGLE!"

What's a boondoggle?

"YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERYDAY!"

"hey, take it easy bro. i've gotten a ton of work done today. a skele-ton."

"SANS!"

Ugh. Not dad jokes.

"what? that one was funny!"

"IT WAS AND I HATE IT!"

Papyrus groaned again.

"WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME HAVE TO DO SO MUCH JUST TI GET SOME RECOGNITION?!"

"damn bro. sounds like you're working yourself...to the bone."

"UGH! I'M LEAVING!"

"OH! AND ONE MORE THING, PUT A LITTLE MORE...BACKBONE IN YOUR WORK!"

Papyrus laughed a weird "nyeh heh heh" laugh and ran away.

"nice one bro!" Sans called out.

Sans chuckled. "okay you can come out now, kid."

You slowly reappeared from the lamp.

"Is he gone?" You asked.

Sans nodded. "He's gone."

You sighed and sat down on a rock.

"Thanks, Sans."

"eh it's not trouble. say, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure." You said.

"my brother has never seen a human before and seeing you might just make his day."

"What if he like...I don't know...managed to capture me or something?" You said.

"don't worry. he's not dangerous. even if he tries to be."

"Sure, I can do it then."

"thanks a million." Sans said. "i'll be up ahead."

Sans then jumped up, and a bright light flashed and suddenly sans was gone.

You stared at where he was, confused.

Where did he go?

(Hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned for more and have a good day)

<- Chapter three

Chapter five->

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 554, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby

WORDS: 1444

“It stinks in here!”

I roused with a soft groan, finding my husband up and doing his morning workout by using Baby Mattie and Baby Teddy as weights.

“Did you have a massive fart party last night?” Katie hacked, Elizabeth coming into the room with a funny look on her face, crossing over to open the window more to try and air out the room a little bit.

“Sorry mo stór,” I yawned, sitting up and stretching my arms up over my head. “Did you kids sleep well last night?”

Baby Tommy toddled two steps into the room, his face scrunching up in clear disgust before he turned back around and toddled right back out of the room.

“My love, I think we’ll need to call for housekeeping while we’re out today, yeah?” I giggled, excusing myself to get ready for the day ahead of us.

I reemerged, dressed in black jeans and a green turtleneck sweater, finding Elizabeth still surveying the stinky room with a pensive look on her face.

“What’s on your mind, Elizabeth?” I asked me, popping by the giant mirror on the back of the door to swipe some ChapStick onto my lips.

“Mommy, did you and daddy have sex last night?”

The ChapStick went from my lips onto my nose at her startling question.

“What prompts this question now?” My face was calm, but my mind was screaming incoherently.

Elizabeth just shrugged, her face bright red as she avoided my eyes, leaning into my motherly embrace when I held my arm open for her. I was panicking inside- were Peter and I too loud last night, and oh god were we cussing way too loudly among other such thoughts.

"I heard moaning and screaming and cussing and got a bit worried and confused," Elizabeth confessed in a bashful tone of voice. “So when I crept up to the door and peeked through it, you were on top of daddy, groaning and making all kinds of weird noises.”

Oh

“Do you want to go out on a walk?” I asked her, sending her off into the bedroom that she shared with Katie and Baby Tommy while I grabbed my backpack and shoes. “My love, Elizabeth and I are going out on a mommy and me walk, okay? We’ll meet you and Katie and the babies in the mess hall, alright?”

I let my daughter take the reins on where she wanted to go, and we eventually ended up in the pool room.

“So… what do you want to know?” I felt a bit awkward at giving her a deeper explanation of the bird and bees, Peter and I having already briefly educated her after she had bravely defended the family from my childhood rapist. She only shrugged, taking a seat onto the concrete, removing her shoes and socks and rolling up her pants to stick them into the water. “Elizabeth, you know sex isn’t really a taboo subject. Have you ever known me to judge others harshly?”

“I don’t know what I want to ask,” she muttered as I followed her motions, taking a seat next to her and leaving enough room between the both of us to where Elizabeth wouldn’t feel smothered.

“That is perfectly okay,” I validated her. “How about you ask me anything you want, in whatever order you want? We can do rapid fire, if that suits you better.”

“Is sex painful?” Elizabeth still wasn’t looking at me.

“It can be, yes, but when you’re with someone who you trust wholeheartedly, they’ll make sure that you feel no pain.” I hummed softly, giving her my hand to play with my fingers.

“Do babies result from sex?” was her next question.

“Sometimes yes, sometimes no, most times, it takes multiple rounds of coitus for a baby to blossom in the woman’s womb,” I explained, hoping I wasn’t confusing her.

“Did you and Mr. Aaron have sex? Is that how little girl came to be?” she asked me next.

Ah.

“No, not like that. Aaron gave the doctor some of his sperm, and she injected that into me.” I nibbled at the inside of my cheek, hoping that I was making sense. “Normally, a doner’s eggs is added into the mayhem, but Mr. Aaron and Mr. James and I had decided that they would use my egg to make a baby. They felt weird about not knowing who the mother would be.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth looked a little bit confused, but still she pressed on in her quest for knowledge. “So sometimes, it takes more than one try to get the woman pregnant?”

“Sometimes it does, yes,” I confirmed with a hum. “But your father and I have been extremely lucky- it took less than half a dozen rounds for me to get pregnant each time.”

“What happens if you can’t keep the baby or if something happens during the nine months to affect the growth?” Elizabeth asked next.

“There are two options for dealing with unwanted pregnancies- one is adoption, but the downside to that is that you’ll still be pregnant and will probably form a bond with the baby while they’re growing,” I explained. “The second option is an abortion, which terminates the pregnancy, but you need to seek out a professional to perform the procedure within the first four months timeframe.”

“Have you ever had an abortion?” she questioned next, kicking little ripples in the pool.

“Yes, I did.” I couldn’t hide the pain in my voice as my hand curled around my womb. “When I was eleven, after Eric raped me. My mom sought out an abortion specialist, who told me that I had a stomach flu. I was given a pill and that was that.”

“So you didn’t know that you were pregnant?” Elizabeth’s blue hazel eyes were wide with sympathy. “When did you find out?”

“Not until I was well into high school,” I confessed. “I suppose mom didn’t want to traumatize me any more than I already was.”

“Oh.” Here, I glanced to the side at where she was gently tracing the omega soulmark on my left fist. “And you were going to abort Baby Tommy if he wasn’t daddy’s.”

Crap.

“I spoke while I was emotional, I could never.” Here, I sucked in a shaky breath on air in through my nose and out through my mouth. “That fucking pig scarred me, inside and out. Prior to meeting my soulmate, I was happy to be single, not knowing that it wouldn’t be for the rest of my life.”

We both fell into a very pregnant silence.

“Mommy? If sex causes babies, then why are you not pregnant more often than not?” I chuckled at the confused look on her face.

“Your daddy wears a condom, it’s like a latex sweater that stops his cum from being shot off inside of me.” I appreciated Elizabeth trusting me enough to ask me these awkward questions, and so I was treating her as though she was an equal to me. “It’s much like a gardening glove- the condom keeps me safe from impregnation.”

“Oh,” she said again, beginning to sound like a stuck record.

“Besides, your father had a vasectomy, which is surgery done to render a man sterile,” I broke it down with another soft hum. "Now, do you have any other questions? Lay them onto me!"

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

[the-firebird69]

We're going to the process and we are part way through it for enacting the laws. And he says that his group is going through it and I say this I don't want to hear this ever again but his group is going through with it they're tired of waiting for approval but he says we have tons of power they're going to have to catch up and I don't want to die because I'm going to sit there like to do before they got really mad and said you're right it would do it now. It's right this returns are on their way out and we need a system right now and we're lagging behind like with everything else it's annoying as hell so I'm pretty out there now that systems are too and acts their own laws at this time similar to Frank Castle Hardcastle Duke and Blockbuster Hera and Zeus and myself and my cadre my race are and that you should not wait for Olympus cuz we're all sitting around farting and it really is due to them being huge that group is gigantic and we're smart and you're not doing it so I'm sending it now I'm getting some notes we're doing it and where do we get and the third one so so foxy on time. Size 3 in and I verified it's true they're doing it and four. He talks to Apollo and said it's your job this is what you should be doing as a job and he says I know why too so you got up today in the meeting and he said he's under master to rest and he can't help but it's doing insane but now he is and he's telling us like it is and if we don't exist we're in trouble and he said I'm enacting mine. And they're all for our law and they're submitting their plans and they're going forwards with it. And so I have around 7 out of the 10 great powers and the other three is sending those in and others will follow they say so I need to wait and see if they do and we can have a meeting about these that have submitted and they're going forward with it now so we're going to sit down and make sure that there's a couple was everybody so the ones who haven't submitted to see them and make sure they have that they really haven't and we're going to have that meeting now.

Thor

You did this pod stuff and we're doing it out in the community and we got a lot of calls one of those things here for why do they fighting around and you said I don't care what the results are we have to do that all over the realm and now because it's doing the effects we want it's our people so we headed innocent before is it patrols and he said what for instantly looking for infiltrators, debris can you have a program called Spaceballs other programs too interstellar more and chimpanzees bugs and so the grossed out and we're saying we're looking over here cuz we just texted something on with you and they said how can we trust what you're doing and it sounds weird and stuff. Everything he needs help and then says why are we doing this here and it made sense and a lot of people signing up because of doing the run regular patrols and he wants to see a big ship of her once in a while and make the noise and you won't see it this is going to happen tested it and works great what we really need to have all those outposts and manning up and put it in the hardware it's working

Freya

We're having the time of our life now this is tough on us very isolated and stuff like he's getting it done I'm proud of my husband

Hera

I understand what you're saying couldn't do this with criminally negative and it's because of the Denver parameters and studies that people of time and we don't have any more time and we also can't afford it from both sides and said that in the letter and she referenced oh how materials and we said this it is time to do that and we do see the right and the laws are going to stick. The meeting now is a great idea we're not too tired we're going to have some rejuvenate things and we are going to listen to each other's ideas and when I know you're saying is we want everybody to agree on each other's systems to a point where we will see that they're not going to be harmful to each other and I'm pretty much come the same and we want to work on coming up with a treaty of some kind and we already have one it was pretty extensive but it doesn't address this and you said we should make an amendment or an attachment we're going to do it that way there's no reason to do it people are in love again. Sometimes to tell you your car is a pain you better write this time and what you're saying is we're going to be sending people to make sure that people are doing it because it is against the law for us to allow this situation to continue it reduces our defense status of it is a crime to knowingly not hire ours and knowing what not to screen ours. I'm actually thinking about it now and it is so we're going to the next hours that we already did and it's Freya and others are thinking about it and I'm going to put it out there like that

Freya

We approved her idea and we're going to help worth it and we're sending it to ourselves but that's the way it is some of us haven't done it some of the gun shy and we need to go ahead with it what he's saying is that your loss now and we're going to discuss some later because we are someone independent groups and people need to know that it's like the states through the country of the United States so you don't act independently as rogue Nations that people have to understand they have their own people to consider and to be concerned about and we're going to head now because that's how it works it's a little bit out of work but it wasn't working it's not going

Criminal negligence and is described as snowingly and understandingly doing something no it's not true it's like you sort of know any kind of dance with you because you don't check into it your negligent because you don't check into it it's not because you're knowing what you're doing wrong and you're proceeding with them purpose although they're pretty stupid they proceed to do this since all the time but really our perspective is if we're not understanding the crime and continue the perpetrated then we are criminally negligent and we're going to issue a statement it says that I recruitment system is a disaster and it's supposed to be our mainstay and then we're going to list why it's criminally negligent. In this other crimes that it would be and if we don't sign up people we agree with this approach to spray pushy but we have to vet people and all of them and we don't have any more time

Olympus

[askaniritual]

i will say the vibes at that concert ln were insane because it was the pitchfork year in music event or something so like. this group opened and they played a full set including this 15 minute song complete w fog effects and a full light show (which was awesome) and then the next act was this guy who was a rapper and was onstage for all of 25 minutes and never played a full song or even rapped as far as i could tell it was just all like “WHO WANTS TO GET SILLY CAN I HEAR THE LADIES MAKE SOME NOISE” and then there was a f o r t y f i v e m i n u t e delay and at 11 pm 100 gecs came out and they played a sample of santa going “ho ho ho merry christmas” with jingle bells and then 2 seconds of last christmas followed by a loud fart noise and then between every song laura les was like “i know it’s that time of year and you guys are waiting to hear this song…” pretending like they were going to play sympathy 4 the grinch before launching into a random song

if you like really long songs with screaming and heavy bass please listen to this i saw them last night and they were so good

[aamircoeur]

random valorant hcs part tres

jett called reyna abuela (grandma) once. reyna was frowning the entire week.

ㅤ

raze has a specific playlist that fits their type well for each agent that she's alone with.

ㅤ

raze also listens to paramore, Ain't It Fun being her favorite song

ㅤ

neon occasionally calls jett, "ganda." (beautiful)

ㅤ

omen rarely interacts with other agents unless necessary. he's not childish.. though on extremely rare occasions, omen takes phoenix's food that he's been announcing to the whole protocol that he'll eat later.

"don't eat my food in the fridge, aight? i wrote my name there!" phoenix announces multiple times in a day.

omen ate it. knowing damn well that it'll get phoenix riled up and blame jett or yoru. hence, an argument. hence, noise and chaos in the protocol. it's amusing to him to see them fight like chickens. (his words, not mine.)

ㅤ

sage gets startled easily (tested and proven by reyna, for some reason)

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once every/two weeks everyone eats dinner together, no excuses. this was arranged by brimstone

ㅤ

fade ties her hair into a ponytail when she's alone

ㅤ

cypher likes soft served ice cream

ㅤ

yoru called jett 'bunny' once.

it was on accident; he meant to ask her why she liked bunnies to tease her but just when yoru held her shoulder and she's already turned around and noticed his presence, he had a brain fart and just said, "bunny." they stared at each other for a solid minute before he nodded and walked away. dear lord jett was so confused

ㅤ

oh and jett likes bunnies

ㅤ

killjoy once caught a glace of breach's text messages to people that he flirts with thru chat. her face was 😨 all week

ㅤ

fade and astra are good friends.

"the girl has this.. positive aura that lingers around her, as if she had nothing to hide," fade said.

she made it her mission to find astra's fear, and astra's only reply was a laugh

ㅤ

neon randomly (and safely) zaps other members

ㅤ

brimstone plays candy crush

ㅤ

sova once had a knuckle tattoo but had it removed 'cause he thought it looked unprofessional

ㅤ

viper doesn't know how to ride a bike

ㅤ

sage sleeps with 6 pillows

one under her head, two on each side of her bed, one under her hips, one on her leg and the last one at her feet

ㅤ

the other agents saw reyna pull a tooth out of her mouth without any signs of pain. "it was aching, i had no choice." she said.

ㅤ

chamber asks sova if he could pet his owl sometimes

ㅤ

kay/o can make a toast with his body alone

ㅤ

the whole protocol once was divided into two groups: deciding if apple juice or orange juice was better

ㅤ

breach broke the fight between juices.. by saying pineapple juice was the best

ㅤ

all eighteen agents looked at him weirdly (or just seventeen. can kay/o even drink anything?)

ㅤ

ㅤㅤ

[mellowsadistic]

The Halloween Spirit - Part 3

Katie strode down the street angrily, sneering at the ridiculous decorations adorning the houses on either side of the road. Fake cobwebs, bedsheets made to look like ghosts, and those horrible jack o’ lanterns sitting outside every front door with their stupid, leering faces. She hated Halloween. Children knocking on everyone’s doors, students dressing up in dumb costumes and making lots of noise while everyone was trying to sleep, her boyfriend trying to coax her into being more ‘festive’. It wasn’t like it was Christmas! It was just some dumb excuse for supermarkets to sell lots of sweets!

“Happy Halloween!” said a man who was passing her.

Katie scowled back at him, and when she came across a pumpkin sat on the pavement a few yards later, she gave it a good kick. It caved in with a satisfying crunch, splitting its sinister grinning face in two. And as Katie walked on, she didn’t notice the shadow that crept after her along the pavement.

The twenty-five-year-old barely noticed the changes at first. Her gait widened a little. Her walk seemed to become slightly more unsteady. But she put it down to the gin and tonics she’d had earlier. How else was she supposed to get through this stupid holiday? But the puffiness was growing between her legs, getting thicker and thicker, until Katie realised she was practically waddling as she walked. She stopped dead in her tracks, wondering if she’d somehow gotten more drunk than she’d realised, but then she heard the crinkle, and she looked down at her waist.

She gasped. Something big and bulky was bulging out from under her pants. What the hell had happened to her underwear? She ducked behind a large plastic skeleton propped up by a stick standing in front of one of the houses and, glancing around to check there was nobody nearby, she pulled her trousers down over the puffy thing that had appeared somehow beneath them.

Katie’s eyes went wide, and she had to clap a hand over her mouth to stop herself from screaming. Then she felt the heat rising in her cheeks. The underwear she’d put on that morning had gone. Instead there was an absurdly thick, old-fashioned cloth nappy around her waist, held in place by two oversized safety pins and covered in pair of orange, semi-transparent plastic pants, decorated with little ghosts and bats.

Katie stared down at the enormous diaper she was wearing for five whole seconds before she came to her senses. She didn’t know how this had happened or who could have pulled such a trick on her, but the fact was she was out in public with a huge towelling nappy on her bottom. She couldn’t let anybody see her like this! She had to get home right away! But when she reached for her pants to pull them back up over her newly padded rear, her hands closed around thin air. Peering over the bulging white cloth around her waist, she saw that they had gone. She was wearing nothing below the waist except her shoes, socks, and her giant nappy and Halloween-themed plastic pants.

Katie let out a squeal and started toddling as fast as she could back down the street, heading for the apartment she shared with her boyfriend. Her face turned scarlet as she passed a group of teenagers, who burst into laughter at the sight of her, but it was nothing compared to how hard she blushed when she felt a dribble of pee begin to leak out into her nappy. She squealed girlishly again, trying in vain to clamp down on her bladder – but it was as though she had no control at all! Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she toddled along, feeling her diaper slowly filling up with her pee-pee. It soaked into the thick cloth so slowly that Katie could feel it sloshing about in her pants as she ran, and the sharp ammonia smell reached her nose and made her screw up her face in disgust. Worse, she felt a sudden cramping in her stomach, and then without warning, she let out a loud, rumbling fart. She sobbed. What the hell was happening to her?!

Katie hurried home as fast as she could, ignoring the laughter and the stares, the looks of concern or even pity, and soon she was standing in front of her apartment with her face streaked with tears. She hastily unlocked the door and rushed inside, slamming it shut behind her. Then she reached desperately for her nappy, intent on tearing it off and sprint to the toilet. But it was too late.

“Hi, sweetheart!” her boyfriend called, walking into the hall just in time to see her body drop into a squat.

“Unngghhhh!” Katie grunted as she started pooping in her pants like an oversized two-year-old. She screwed up her face as he body strained, totally beyond her control, to push an enormous stinky load into her ludicrous Halloween diapers.

It seemed to take an age, but once the final wave of disgusting mush had entered the seat of her nappy, she looked up at her boyfriend tearfully to tell him what had happened, to plead for his help. Only the words didn’t come out of her mouth.

“Goo goo ga ga ba ba pffff!” she babbled instead, a little bit of drool spilling from her lips.

She gaped in surprise, and felt a cold chill run down her spine. Why couldn’t she talk? But more frightening still was her boyfriend’s expression. He was smiling at her in amusement.

“There’s my little darling,” he said sweetly, in the voice that adults reserved for very young children. “It looks like someone made a Halloween present for her Daddy!”

“Ah ba ba goo ga ga ba!” Katie babbled, the meaningless prattle spilling from her lips without her consent.

She could only stand still in horror while her boyfriend turned her around and pulled out the back of her nappy and plastic pants to peek inside.

“P-U!” he exclaimed. “Such a stinky girl! My little Katie-poo really filled up her pumpkin pants, didn’t she?” He turned her back around and wiped the tears off her face. “But that’s okay, princess. Daddy’s here to get you all cleaned up.”

Katie was too shocked and confused and afraid to stop him as he laid her down on the floor and started tugging her plastic pants over her diaper and off her legs.

“Let’s get your special Halloween pants off, sweetie,” he cooed gently, “but don’t worry, you can wear them again in just a minute!” He put them to one side and undid the comically large safety pins holding her nappy in place, careful not to prick her as he did so. “There we go. Good girl for sitting still, sweetie!”

Katie let out a soft whine. She felt like she was going mad. This had to be some sort of nightmare. That was it. Or maybe someone had spiked her gin and tonic. Surely she wasn’t really getting her nappy changed by her boyfriend on the floor of her own apartment? This had to be a hallucination.

She felt the front of her diaper getting pulled down, and she couldn’t help but look at it. It was stained yellow, clearly drenched with her pee. Her nostrils were assaulted by an increase in the smell of her piss, and something yuckier. She clenched her eyes shut before she could catch sight of the horrible mess she knew must be sitting in the seat of her pants, and tried desperately to will herself to wake up while her boyfriend lifted her legs into the air by her ankles and worked away at her filthy bottom with a pack of baby wipes.

“Daddy’s gonna get you all nice and clean,” her boyfriend cooed in a sing-song voice, “and then it’s time for din-dins! Daddy bought dozens of jars of pumpkin flavoured baby food for his little princess. Yes he did! I know it’s your favourite, sweetie, and I got enough to last weeks and weeks!” He slid a fresh cloth nappy, just as thick as the last, beneath her bottom and started to seal her into it. Before Katie knew it, he was sliding the orange plastic pants back over her bulging diaper butt. “And I’ll let you wear your pumpkin pants tomorrow too, baby” he promised, with the air of someone offering a special treat. “And the day after. And every day after that, I expect, unless they need cleaning.” He chuckled and tickled her under the chin. “Daddy knows how much you love Halloween!”

All Katie could do was cry. Her life was pumpkin themed from that day on. Everyone seemed to see her as a baby – her friends, her family, her boyfriend. And although they all had different ways of treating her (some liked to pinch her cheeks, others liked to bounce her on their knees), they all knew one thing for certain. Baby Katie loved Halloween.

[daisydeacks]

HCs of some of the Jackass guys comforting you after you have the most violent, utterly dehumanizing, earth shattering and body convulsing liquid shits.* Johnny, Ehren, Chris, Dave, and Steve-O 

lmk if you want more :)))!!LMAO *based off a joke post I made (linked above) and then I ran with it. i ran so far.

Johnny

Wakes up when you suddenly rip away from him, run into the shared bathroom and slam the door

At first he’s confused

And then he hears you

He can hear you sobbing, sharting, the sound echoing

It’s not a great thing to wake up to, he can sympathize. Hangover shits were awful for him

Half hour later you’re exiting the bathroom, skin clammy and pale, pajamas disheveled.

You don’t look like the same person you were before

He silently opens his arms to you as you let out a shaky breath, hugs you to him and pretends not to smell the horror mixed with frebreeze spray wafting into your bedroom

You fall asleep against his chest, silent tears wetting his shirt.

All he can do is rub your back until you’re running into the bathroom again, “oh no oh no oh no” leaving you

He covers his mouth so you don’t hear his giggles

an hour later when you’re finally empty he’s still there to welcome you with open arms

rubs your back as you sink into him again

he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you sleep so hard. you were OUT once you fell back to sleep. 

he finally dozes off once he’s sure you’re asleep and not getting up again

Ehren

He hears you when walking down the hall to make coffee in the morning

Hears the farts

He grimaces and also sympathizes

Who hasn’t been in this situation? You did say the take out you two got last night looked a bit off.

But he felt mostly okay. 

Little messed up but not like you were doing this morning.

He’ll be there for you once you’re out, pepto already on your kitchen counter

He’s pouring his second cup of coffee by the time you’re out

“You okay?”

“I think I’m dying, ehren.”

He’ll laugh and hug you, grab the pepto and hand it to you

You take a gagging drink of it before leaning against the counter, watching him make his coffee

“Want some?”

“God, no. Not right now at least.”

The two of you sit on the couch while you wait to see if the pepto will work, you leaning on his shoulder 

his arm is wrapped around your shoulders, other hand holding his mug

you’re still shaking a bit from your experience in the bathroom. 

The morning news says something about food poisoning from the local place you both had last night and you muffle a scream into his shoulder while he laughs

Chris

It’s the middle of the night when it hits you.

You feel that unmistakeable twinge in your stomach.

You lay there in the dark for a few moments, waiting to see if it’s a fart or worse

It’s worse.

You’re tearing yourself away from your boyfriend and running out of the room to the bathroom

Chris wakes up just enough to be confused before he hears the door and bathroom fan turn on

Hears muffled sounds

He can’t help the laugh that comes from him

Of course he feels bad but who doesn’t laugh at fart noises?

He never said he was mature.

It’ll feel like forever passes before you return to bed, your skin clammy.

“Little farty this morning?”

“Oh god, Chris,” you’d gingerly crawl back into your shared bed and sink back into his side, the man wrapping a secure arm around you 

“I feel like I died and was forced to come back as some evil joke from God”

He’d laugh at your words, strong hand rubbing soothing circles on your back

“That bad? Yeah, sounded like a war zone in there.”

“It was.”

He’d hold you until you had to inevitably rip yourself away from him again, groaning as you hurried to the bathroom and slammed the door again

He’ll giggle and doze off between your bathroom trips, there to try to make you laugh and comfort you when you’re done.

Remind you that you’re still smokin hot in his eyes, even if your ass is a no-no zone right now.

“You’re still my beautiful lady/man.”

“Thanks Chris.”

Your response doesn’t sound too genuine but he doesn’t mind.

Dave

It hit you in the middle of the day.

The two of you had a day off together for the first time in a while

sitting on the couch, catching up on what you’ve missed with each other 

suddenly the pizza the two of you are sharing isn’t very appetizing anymore

Dave sees you visibly pale

“babe, are you okay?”

“I think I’m about to shit myself.” 

“Do..do you need to go to the bathroom?” 

you’re still sitting, trying to figure out what your body needs 

soon you’re up and racing down the hall

he can hear your panicked sounds as you run through the house 

can hear your muffled shouts cursing the pizza the two of you got

he won’t lie, it was a bit greasy. he was feeling a bit off too. 

after you’re out the pizza box is already out in the outside trash bin

“I knew if it was still there we’d probably keep eating it.”

“good call.” 

the two of you would sit on the couch cuddled up, trying to ignore the sounds both of your stomachs were starting to make due to the greasy food

Steve-O 

You’re visiting him on set when it hits you

The unmistakable feeling

the sweat beading on your brow 

“Steve please which port-a-potty is NOT rigged to explode”

“oh shit” he doesn’t know 

he thinks the left one is safe 

you run away, the man chasing after you to stand guard outside 

he can hear you dying in there

his hand is over his mouth to muffle his laughs 

he knows you already feel awful, he wouldn’t want you to feel even worse 

Jeff comes by 

“Is Y/N in there?” 

“Fuck off!” is your response from inside the blue port-a-potty 

a rather liquidy streaming sound is heard after you yell

followed by a fart

Steve-O can help the cackling that leaves him at that point

“yeah, dude, she had old left overs last night.” 

“I thought they were still good.” you whine from in there 

“I’ll tell them to not set it off then” is Jeff’s response and he jogs away towards where the rest of them are set up, ready to explode the portable toilet 

 thankfully the producer is able to call off the prank and you can finish your squirts in peace 

you leave that blue port-a-potty a new person. 

your hair is wet with sweat and you look dead inside. 

despite the lingering smell Steve-O wraps an arm around your shoulders and walks with you back to where you were before 

he’s surprisingly mature and very caring about it

and you’re ever so thankful for it 

[tooti-fruiti]

WHAT A COOL GUY (CHAPTER FOUR)

Sans and Papyrus

You held your arms together because you walked into a forest covered in snow somehow.

At this point you knew better than to question it.

You walked forward in the show, shivering.

You stepped over a giant stick and walking a few feet ahead of it.

You heard a loud boom and turned around.

The stick was smashed.

Something was here with you, and it knew you were here.

You carried on forward, trying to make as little noise as you possible could.

When you were about to step over a gate, you stopped.

You heard snow crunching footsteps behind you.

You were frozen in fear, you couldn't move.

" h u m a n . "

" d o n ' t y o u k n o w h o w t o g r e e t a n e w p a l ? "

" t u r n a r o u n d a n d s h a k e m y h a n d . "

You slowly turned around, not wanting to upset the person behind you.

You closed your eyes out of fear and held out your hand.

You felt a cold boney hand touch your fingers.

And when it grabbed your hand, you felt something squishy and heard a loud fart noise.

You opened your eyes and jumped back in surprise.

In front of you was a skeleton about your height laughing at the prank it just pulled, wearing a blue hoodie, black basketball shorts, and pink slippers.

"ah the ol' whoopee cushion in the hand trick. it's always funny." He said.

He smiled and put his hands in his pockets.

"anyways, i'm sans. sans the skeleton. i'm actually supposed to be on watch for humans right now."

You grew worried.

"but uh y'know. i don't really care about capturing anybody."

You sighed a breath of relief.

Sans laughed. "sorry kid, didn't mean to spook you."

"however, my brother papyrus, he's a human hunting fanatic. hey, let's go across this bridge thingy my bro's right over there."

"Wait! I don't want to go over there if he's over there!" You said.

"eh, don't worry. i'll hide ya. go behind that conveniently shaped lamp."

Sans pointed at a lamp and it was shaped exactly like you.

How convenient.

"SANS!" You heard a high pitched voice yell as you hid behind the lamp.

You stayed still.

"sup bro?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S "SUP" BROTHER! IT'S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T RECALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES!"

As the voice carried on talking, you began to assume that this voice was Papyrus, sans's brother.

"NO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! I HAVE TO CAPTURE A HUMAN! I WILL BE THE ONE! I MUST BE THE ONE!"

"THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE! RESPECT! RECOGNITION!"

"hmm. maybe this lamp will help." Sans said.

Papyrus groaned. "SANS HOW COULD A LAMP HELP MY HUMAN PROBLEM, IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A HUMAN BEHIND IT!"

You froze.

"totally not."

"EXACTLY! THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS!"

You never felt so relieved before.

"AND YOU'RE NOT MUCH HELP EITHER. ALL YOU DO IS SIT AND BOONDOGGLE!"

What's a boondoggle?

"YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERYDAY!"

"hey, take it easy bro. i've gotten a ton of work done today. a skele-ton."

"SANS!"

Ugh. Not dad jokes.

"what? that one was funny!"

"IT WAS AND I HATE IT!"

Papyrus groaned again.

"WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME HAVE TO DO SO MUCH JUST TI GET SOME RECOGNITION?!"

"damn bro. sounds like you're working yourself...to the bone."

"UGH! I'M LEAVING!"

"OH! AND ONE MORE THING, PUT A LITTLE MORE...BACKBONE IN YOUR WORK!"

Papyrus laughed a weird "nyeh heh heh" laugh and ran away.

"nice one bro!" Sans called out.

Sans chuckled. "okay you can come out now, kid."

You slowly reappeared from the lamp.

"Is he gone?" You asked.

Sans nodded. "He's gone."

You sighed and sat down on a rock.

"Thanks, Sans."

"eh it's no trouble. say, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure." You said.

"my brother has never seen a human before and seeing you might just make his day."

"What if he like...I don't know...manages to capture me or something?" You said.

"don't worry. he's not dangerous. even if he tries to be."

"Sure, I can do it then."

"thanks a million." Sans said. "i'll be up ahead."

Sans then jumped up, and a bright light flashed and suddenly sans was gone.

You stared at where he was, confused.

Where did he go?

(Hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned for more and have a good day)

<-Chapter Three

Chapter Five->