#Or at least this is the closest I've been to it
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I just can't stop smiling at Narmer's manner. When he was extremely direct about whether we were interested in him or not, my poor male MC was about to throw himself in the water XD
I just love the fact that Narmer is straightforward about things, it makes my shy MC's life so much easier. Sure, he turns red like a tomato but it makes it easier to avoid paranoia.
I've lost count of how many times I've been frustrated with a RO because he just wasn't direct about his feelings. Like, man, it's not that hard. Just tell me if you're interested or not. Luckily with Narmer I don't run that risk
And I also don't intend to judge his relationship with his wife or anything like that. I just don't like to judge a person based only on part of a conversation I heard and I don't even know the whole context. So suffering on my route? I'll be dodging as much as I can Imao.
Also, from what I understand, he is not officially married to his supposed wife, or is he? Considering that apparently no one knows about this woman except those closest to him or maybe Ahmose if he talks about his mother. I confess that I was a little confused in this part but it's probably because English isn't my first language and sometimes my mind just freezes haha. So I didn't understand if he wasn't officially married or the MC simply didn't know this information.
If that were the case, would we be able to marry him or would we be something like a concubine or something?
If he wasn't, and it was possible to marry him, what would your reaction be if the MC left a ring in your room surrounded by flowers with a little card:
Will you marry me?
( ) Absolutely
( ) Of course
( ) Yes
( ) No (Optional)
While hiding behind the door watching your reaction?
⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄
Anyway, I love your IF please never stop with it 🥹💕 I've never smiled as much with a character as I am smiling right now! I can't wait for the next update. As far as I remember, this is the one where we blocked the route, right? Please Narmer, give me more kisses on the forehead and your hand in marriage 🥹🫴
(I got a little carried away and it got bigger than it should have, sorry XD)
Yes, Narmer wanted to be very straightforward in letting the MC know that he is not uninterested, but it's going to be hard to be in any sort of relationship with him for many reasons. So he (and the partner) are either all in, or no deal.
The wife business was probably confusing because I didn't write in detail yet about the king's marriage rights. This will be explained a bit more in Narmer's route, so things will get clearer later if you choose his romance.
The king is the only person in the country who can have more than one spouse. Narmer is officially married to Nefru, but being married to the king doesn't automatically make someone a queen consort. The king has to give out that title. So Nefru is a consort, but she is not the main consort, and was not given any title, nor does he go anywhere with her in public, so that's why most people don't know about her. Simply for being married to the king, her official rank is princess.
Narmer could technically marry anyone else he wishes without getting a divorce. He can also make anyone else his queen consort. It's his right. (for a male MC, Narmer will figure out another title)
It will be possible to marry him, if you manage to reach at least a neutral ending with him. In the scenario you mentioned, Narmer would smile and say, "Let's not get the word out that you were the one who asked me and not the other way around, but... yes, I've been thinking about it too."
Thanks for the sweet message 🥰 The romance lock-in choice will come in the next public update (probably in a few weeks I think), so not long to wait now :)))
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Actually I think we need to be talking about Darkside more. Why have we as a fandom (as well as myself specifically) been neglecting Darkside when it's the most consistently recurring boss in the whole franchise
Literally the first boss we fight and it's this thing that rises up out of Sora's shadow in his dreams, and that still looks like Sora for a few seconds before it transforms into the version we fight:
This is Sora's dark side, quite literally. And what just so happens to be there at the destruction of Destiny Islands?
Man, with a thing that big and powerful, it's probably responsible for most of the damage to the islands all by itself.
Hey, what was that thing Zexion said to Riku, again? "It was you who destroyed your home"? Boy I sure am glad that the truth is what we hear and not what we see with our eyes--
Oh. Hm. That's a rather pointed dream sequence for you to be having, Xion.
Guys, I don't know why it took me so long to put these specific pieces together, but I'm pretty sure Sora's darkness was what actually destroyed the Destiny Islands. Whoever opened the door to darkness is still responsible for letting it out - it seemed otherwise occupied in Sora's dreams - and that's an interesting puzzle, too, because we're told that Riku did that even though Kairi was the one closest to the door, but that's not a mystery this post is here to solve.
My question is, what the HECK was going on with Sora for him to have a darkness so potent that it manifested outside of him before he had even been on any adventures? The guy's got insecurities for sure, but at this point in the series, they're kinda... normal ones. Feeling overshadowed and jealous of his best friend who's always better at everything than him, always stronger and cooler, it's not nothing but it doesn't make sense for it to be that. If Sora was going to have a darkness that strong, I'd expect it to come from a later point in the series, maybe around KH3 when the number of Terrible Things that have happened to or around him has reached truly insane levels.
But... the Darkside comes from the Realm of Darkness, right? Where time doesn't exist, and if you walk through it, you can be hit with people's emotions from the future?
So, I dunno, maybe it's a conglomeration of Sora's darkness from various points in time, though it still doesn't explain why his in particular gets to become something so giant. But it's definitely a Sora thing, because in Coded, the record of Sora's Heartless develops into a Darkside, as well.
But how can it be Sora-exclusive when there's so many of them down there??
Well, it might not be... but I'm not ruling out the possibility of time loop shenanigans, either. If Sora can live through the Keyblade Graveyard stuff at least four times (five if you consider the theory of KH3 in its entirety being a second loop from the get-go), then who's to say that doesn't double up on the number of Darksides in the Realm of Darkness?
Sora's already got a narrative history of reliving his past, after all. CoM has him going through his memories of his first adventure (albeit altered), Coded has another version of Sora going through his first adventure (altered again), even DDD has him revisiting Traverse Town and re-meeting his friends (in different ways than he originally did but it still counts).
I'm just saying, the heart remembers what the mind doesn't, and that can surface in a lot of ways. A Sora that's been time-looping a bunch but doesn't remember it probably would be having weird prophetic nightmares and thoughts about whether any of this is "for real" or not.
But honestly, even with the time loop theory I ended up going with in this post, the main thing I wanted to get at is that the Darkside is weird and unexplained but suspiciously tied to Sora in the narrative. These are just the connections I've put together on my own, but there could be a lot that I'm missing! I want to know what this thing's deal is, and I welcome anyone who wants to share their take on the matter.
#kingdom hearts#kh sora#kh theory#analysis#meta#This whole post is just me pointing at stuff as I thought of them and going 'is this anything'
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Madoka Magica Ship Analysis - KyouSaya
Based on these two polls [X] [X], I will write an analysis that'll also include how I feel about the ship (similarly to my Digimon shipping game analysis posts).
Disclaimer: I won't claim this to be a conclusive/definitive analysis of all of the ship's aspects. I have watched the original 12-episode-series and movies (including Rebellion), the Magia Record anime and I've read several manga series (the Original, The Different Story, Wraith Arc, Rebellion Story, Oriko Magica, Another Story, Mitakihara Anti-Materials). But I'm aware that I haven't seen/read all of what's out there and am also not thoroughly familiar with the games. Plus, oftentimes, ship dynamics vary depending on which series/timeline you are looking at. I'm fairly certain that thousands of words must have been written about this ship already, better and more elaborate than I probably ever could - so this is going to be my personal take on it.
(Disclaimer 2.0: I may have been a little critical of them by the end of it all, but I tried my best to phrase it all in diplomatic ways! I have no intention of discrediting the ship or anyone who enjoys it, but wanted to put my own perception, interpretation and preference into words.)
Whether canon provides input on them or not.
As one of the - if not the second - most prominent combinations in the entirety of the PMMM franchise, both in terms of canon and promotional/merchandise material, KyouSaya is a ship that should be familiar to the viewer. In the "main storyline", Sayaka Miki and Kyouko Sakura are basically set up as parallels, contrasts, opposing forces that are "actually more similar than they are/at least one of them is capable of admitting (at first)"... As with the majority of PMMM ships, there is a tragic sense of "missed opportunities", "we were so close/almost there" or "wrong place at the wrong time" when it comes to their compatibility - and, just like with HomuMado, it really depends on what "versions" of them you are referring to when estimating whether or not they make a good pair. But, once more, let's start at the beginning:
When they first meet in the main storyline, they immediately clash due to their opposing values, intentions and general approaches of being Magical Girls: Sayaka treats her duty with a sense of moral superiority, she sees herself as a soldier of justice who fights to save others and defeat Witches for the sake of doing "the right/good thing". Kyouko on the other hand appears to fight with selfish ignorance, carelessly stating that she doesn't mind causing human victims by letting familiars grow if it means defeating more Witches and gathering enough Grief Seeds to sustain herself. As she and her approach are being ridiculed by Kyouko, Sayaka's initial response is wrath, hatred - and so, their first encounter ends in a fight, with either of them being perfectly ready to kill the other...
The most tragic aspect of them meeting at this specific moment in time - and also in several other timelines as well - is the fact that their attitudes were shaped by their individual relationships and experiences with Mami AND their respective (outcomes of their) wishes. Sayaka - who had never witnessed Mami's own insecurities and feelings of loneliness - puts Mami on a pedestal of being the perfect Magical Girl. And, even if she was warned by her not to make a wish with the wrong intentions on behalf of someone else, Sayaka's intention is to be a worthy successor to the idealized version of Mami in her head, being "perfect" in her place. Kyouko, as we learn in The Different Story, used to be Mami's disciple, enthusiastic, willing to learn, believing in doing the right thing for the sake of others. But as she had to realize that her wish on behalf of her father (= wishing for people to listen to his preaching properly) turned out to be the downfall of her entire family, she decided to put up a front. Not only did she push her closest friend Mami away - whom she felt was only looking down on her as a weakling -, she also began to fight with reckless abandon and a mask of harshness, only for herself, never to let anyone get close again.
It's this version of Kyouko who sees her "former self" in Sayaka - watching her make the same mistake she used to make, believing in the idealized righteousness of being a Magical Girl, fighting for "good" like the hero in a fairy tale. However, this version of Kyouko - who grew hardened, bitter and ruthless by her experiences and who cannot stand seeing Sayaka like this - isn't capable of reaching through to Sayaka. Because her approach, as much as she may be able to understand her, isn't heard by this version of Sayaka. Whether it's Kyouko's (cruel) teasing or her actually opening up to her, offering her an "apple of wisdom" - Sayaka is bound to reject her, clinging to her unreachable ideal, which is slowly but steadily crumbling;
Because upon learning about what it means to be a Magical Girl, Sayaka continues to fall down the path of despair, losing faith in the world being worth saving; not only does she start to fight with reckless abandon herself (just like Kyouko did), she feels like a "zombie", an "idiot" who made her wish for the wrong, selfish reasons (= subconsciously wanting the appreciation and love from the person she liked in exchange for healing him). And now she doesn't even deem herself worthy of love anymore. Pushing away everyone herself now with hurtful words (just like Kyouko did), even her best friend Madoka, it's Kyouko who ends up as the one who keeps her company during her last moments of "being human". Kyouko, who, deep down inside, must have felt a sense of kinship, who related to Sayaka in ways she couldn't fully explain or convey properly at this point in time... Who ends up wishing to find a way to bring Sayaka back from her Witch state and restore her own faith in fairy tales, hoping to see good overcome evil one last time. In the end, all she can do is sacrifice herself - to make sure that neither Sayaka nor herself, who both isolated themselves from everyone they loved, would have to die all alone.
... And thus, it isn't really surprising that the version Sayaka who gained awareness of all of this - we shall call her LawOfCycles!Sayaka - feels a certain attraction towards Kyouko. Maybe even a sense of guilt - for not having listened to and actually having seen her, for having pushed her away and for not realizing how much they had in common. In Rebellion Story, the version of Kyouko we see had never encountered the Witch system and thus never went through the events described above with Sayaka - because this version of Kyouko came from the Wraith!universe created by Madokami. However, this Kyouko stated that she had been on the brink of "becoming friends with Sayaka" before she was "taken away" - and thus, LawOfCycles!Sayaka, who may or may not have been partly/fully aware of her mission and her previous "selves" for most of Rebellion, actually becomes close friends with WraithArc!Kyouko within Homura's idealized world inside of her Soul Gem.
Of course they are still clashing due to their opposing values in various aspects of life - but they do so in a playful, teasing and, most importantly, peaceful way. In an ideal world they are on good terms with, go to school, even live together, where blue and red aren't working against but with each other as the complementary colours they are. Really, nobody could have blamed Sayaka for wanting to maintain a universe like this, continuing to live her best life (after getting over Kyousuke and wishing him and Hitomi well), even though she knew she HAD TO fulfill her mission to rescue Homura. And so, one cannot help but feel like her confession towards Kyouko, saying she had "only one regret" to have "left her behind", does have a romantic subtext attached to it... Especially considering how devastated Kyouko appears at the idea of having to part ways again. With Homucifer then creating a new universe, serving as a fake happy place for everyone involved, she at least granted them another short period of bliss...
Long story short - just like the majority of the PMMM ships, KyouSaya are doomed by the narrative - and usually not meant to be happy together as their own selves in the same universe, it seems.
Whether I think why and how they’d work.
Without going all out on the subtext symbolism of Sayaka's arc, one REALLY cannot help but feel like it was always meant to be a metaphor for her overcoming her comp-het phase: Main story!Sayaka was failing due to committing to her (subtextual heteronormative) ideals (= clinging onto her wish to impress Kyousuke) and she could only overcome her doom as LawOfCycles!Sayaka, who gained awareness and worked hard to develop a bond with someone - a girl - she used to reject (= Kyouko).
However, as outlined above - this also means that Sayaka will not be compatible with Kyouko unless she gains the awareness of LawOfCycles!Sayaka. And that's where I, personally, have always had my issues with the ship from a romantic angle. Despite them fulfilling the typical blue/red ship tropes at first glance, consisting of two opposing forces (Sayaka's commitment to correctness vs. Kyouko's more easygoing attitude) who complement each other once they work together... Their underlying similarities would make it easy for them to relate to one another if they stopped hiding them from one another (Sayaka also having a side that would like to slack off more vs. Kyouko also having a very loyal, protective side).
There is a sense of competitive pride going on between them that, in my opinion, may make it difficult for them to allow romantic feelings to grow. Through the course of the main story, it becomes obvious that Kyouko develops a strong fondness and affection towards Sayaka in the end - but has issues putting those feelings into words in a non!Tsundere way, so Sayaka's can accept them. Whereas LawOfCycles!Sayaka, who witnessed all the effort Kyouko put into saving her, also grew more fond of Kyouko... But, as mentioned above, there also seems to be a lingering sense of guilt within her, so it's not entirely clear if she's aware of her true intentions yet again. These girls were heavily traumatized by what happened to them, both hardened by the experience - and weren't able to ever fully reconcile with each other in their own timelines. Sometimes they didn't get to know or even meet each other properly. And now, LawOfCycles!Sayaka can only reconcile with WraithArc!Kyouko in a playful, affectionate manner. NOW that she has seen it all.
Without elaborating on this much further, it's not even a question that all of the girls (no exceptions!!!) would need copious amounts of therapy - and the chance to actually become adults - to make healthy relationships work. A Sayaka who, even without the influence of being God's agent, gains an understanding of Kyouko's personality, might actually be able to put her pride aside and let her in. The same goes for Kyouko, who also has to drop the mask of ignorance and pride in order not to just casually joke and tease whenever Sayaka is in the same room - and instead, actually learn to be open, vulnerable and honest with Sayaka. As traumatized 14-year-olds, they may be too aggressive, too competitive to allow genuine romance to bloom, as they're not able to grasp and cater to the needs of the other. For instance, Sayaka couldn't reciprocate Kyouko's love language before (giving/accepting gifts, such as advice or, more importantly, food) and vice versa (acts of service in regards to fighting and protecting heroically). And thus, they may end up, even unintentionally, hurting each other instead.
My personal verdict is that they'd have an easier time opening up to other members of the Holy Quintet because of their personality structures. As complementary as they are, as much as opposites attract and as much as they genuinely value each other deep down inside - they may certainly give each other short-term comfort and have lots of fun, but are probably TOO similar to work out in the long run.
Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship.
I didn't intend to sound too "negatively" about KyouSaya as a whole, since I can absolutely see and understand the romantic appeal many, many people see in this ship. Personally, the red/blue ships (as well as the "enemies/rivals to lovers" trope in general) are rarely my favourites in a series, there have to be specific circumstances for me to enjoy them - which is perfectly fine, since everyone has their preferences! With everything I have outlined above, I was never too fond of Sayaka and Kyouko as a romantic couple. Instead, I always enjoyed them most as each other's wing-women; bantering and teasing each other endlessly as acquaintances who would slowly but steadily become good, close friends, supporting and having each other's backs.
#madoka magica#puella magi madoka magica#pmmm#my two cents#meta#ship analysis#long post#kyousaya#kyouko sakura#sayaka miki#kyoko sakura#kyosaya
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frankly them & honestly they
#went wild w/colors as usual & got overexcited about freckles considering they're piscine but. they do still have freckles then#& that's something i infinitely cherish & respect anyways. plus adds Texture that's absent when i'm not doing scales coloring at all#luca 2021#pixar luca#luca paguro#alberto scorfano#luberto#lucalberto#meanwhile will i actually finish & post a ''what could the drama be if alberto left via The Sea alternate ciao alberto situation'' fic#i'm the closest i've ever been to it at least
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An annoying part about any fandom discourse is the push to categorize characters, populations, and factions as representations of actual groups IRL. The most annoying one (to me) is insistence that a particular group is Indigenous Peoples and the other is the White Settlers.
Like a lot of people in the U.S., I'm mixed race. Many who are mixed race don't identify as such; they pick one or another. Why? Because mixed race identities are systematically ignored or erased on multiple levels of government and political influence: census records, diversity reports, financial aid qualifications, membership in political groups, etc. Choosing one identity alone is rewarded with greater voice and resources in different spheres. Acknowledging that this split isn't real is offensive to groups in power, both for the dominant hegemony of Whites and the coalitions of minority groups. Each group benefits from enforcing this exclusionary practice because it allows specific people to justify their leadership based solely on their heritage: a new aristocracy.
All this fake dichotomy nonsense in fandom is a replication of that mentality. Like, some media like The Terror really, truly are commentary on colonialism. There's no need to hide the ball about it. If your favorite media has nothing to do with conquest, exploitation of land and resources, or the subjugation of populations for the benefit of foreign powers, then it's not about colonialism. There's other themes to explore.
#critical role#you have no idea how many times I've been told I'm not Mexican enough to be Mexican#not chicana enough#not latina enough#guess what it's never been white people who say that#at least white supremacists just say I'm not White and I don't mind because they're right I don't get to claim a privilege I never had#maybe stop furthering this idea that mixed race people don't exist#that'd be great#that'd be a lovely world to live in#where I don't have to choose White or Other to count as a person or to speak to my experience#anyway yeah this is about critical role because mortals were created by gods and Primordials so they aren't native#the closest possible analogy for mortals is they're mixed race#and don't belong anywhere as 'Indigenous' because that's not how this works#it is completely incompatible with this worldbuilding#also killing 4 primordials is not genocide they're elemental entities on the scale of gods and that word simply doesn't work in that contex#maybe come at the story with the lens of religion and philosophy in which it was presented#instead of making up racial themes that aren't in the source material
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I've only now noticed Eva Yan's scars on your drawings of her, is there any story or headcanon behind them?
keeping it real babygirl [gender neutral] the story is that this woman canonically kills herself, canonically contemplates suicide, quite explicitly mentioning the method she intents on using to you (with implications that she has, at the very least, thought about it/thought it through before), and lives with broken mirrors so she cannot (/doesn't have to) see her face like i just think She Is Mentally Unwell. like as a long-term, enduring, persistent thing, She Is Mentally Unwell and the plague is just worsening her condition, while it didn't cause it. the storey/headcanon is that she is mentally ill, openly and canonically has self-destructive tendencies, so. the scars are here because she lives with a lil something something in her mind which drives her to plenty of destructive acts in ways big and small. ywkim
#like when i jokingly and lovingly called her a ''mentally ill bisexuelle''. i wasn't joking. ykwim#man i've given eva those for a long ass while i can't even rember when i started. i give some to peter too for the same reasons#(except he doesn't succeed in killing himself. but he does try.) but like. he has long sleeves & pants when i post him on here so. elusive#suicide /#self-harm /#what's that diagram showing how the closest you are to dankovsky the more suicidal you are. as someone who's been there#i can reclaim chuckling about it#allô (answers)#anonymous#& even if she doesn't die in my mind [bc she doesn't in every route] well. she still has those. she lives through them; and then with them#and lives on. you know. real recovereds will get this etc you get the jist#this is equal part story and headcanon on that one but there's also this pattern that eva throws her whole body into destruction. ykwim.#the way she kills herself is fullbody; entire physical body out of a window; it's not like how she first mentions it to dankovsky#it's a complete and utter destruction [which is not destruction *to her*; because; well we see how it ends]#it's also easy to see how her constant seeking of companionship; her sudden infatuations for a stranger and her offerings of companionship#can also be read as her ''throwing her whole body'' into it [here; into something that; maybe; can ''fill a void'' left by her spiritual#emptiness. so in the spirit of ''putting her whole body'' into destruction/into trying to fill an intangible void left by emptiness and fel#well. scars and the act make sense to me at least. because there is that attempt to exteriorize an inner suffering with acts like those
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thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it
#like. I've had phantom wings since i was a CHILD and I'm not even kidding#i remember specifically saying 'i pretend to have wings so much that i can just Feel them there all the time now'#and he reacted in a way where he didn't want to tell me that's weird bc i was a Kid but also he totally thought it was really weird#which. was a reaction i knew very well at the time. that kind of quiet 'i dont know how to react to that but ok'#the trying not to make a weird face about it#so i shut up about it ever since! and then when i was 20 i found out what otherkin was#i remember them specifically being pegasus wings too we've always loved pegasi it was entirely bc of the barbie movie#i can't remember what the term is. for when you're A Fucking Lot of things all at once? poly something?#but we've always been like that#our first OC was plural coded and otherkin coded to the absolute max it was insane#and she was fully and entirely a self insert (at the time. nowadays she's her own guy)#but like. she could absorb souls on the brink of death and communicate with them inside her head#and she could shapeshift into any of those souls' forms at will#and she was supposed to be some kind of chimera#her 'true form' that i made of her was just all of her different forms crammed into one body#like. one owl wing one dragon wing. a dolphin tail. a fox paw and a pegasus hoof. scales mixed with fur. human shaped body. horns#if we weren't a system at the time then we were at least REALLY REALLY susceptible to becoming one we've always been Like This#and I'm willing to say i was an otherkin kid in the same way i say i was trans before i knew what that was#i didn't say I Am A Boy i just said I'm the closest a girl can get to being a boy (a tomboy)#i always leaned towards boys interests and boyish things. in the same way i taught myself to walk like a cat and meow convincingly#(to a point where i meowed once and my sister yelled at me to put the cat down if she's meowing. i was not holding a cat)#i didn't know what being otherkin was but i spent about as much time as possible being as animal as i could get#and i got offended when my friends didn't want to be animals with me. i had a lot of Horse Girl friends as a result#(hard to avoid horse girls in the middle of rural ohio tbh)
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yknow when my therapist closed last week's session with a "so next week is the election please talk to me before considering dying" talk I kinda brushed it off but now it's two days away and there it is, that funny feeling once again.
#my diary#(feeling the need for a trip to inpatient amirite)#nah I'm fine I just wasn't expecting to dread it this much this time around#the amount of cognitive dissonance required to survive american politics is truly incomprehensible#the closest I've ever coming to understanding eldritch horror#there's a post that goes around here periodically that talks about how americans don't really have a cool kaiju like japan has godzilla#and I'm not really into kaiju media much but my friends are so I've been seeing more of it#and idk that post got its hooks into my brain and I got to wondering how a kaiju would manifest here#like what would that look like#but brother I think the kaiju is us#the american empire is the kaiju being inflicted on the rest of the world#and we're in-the-hills-in-the-cities-style bound to this unstoppable empirical monstrosity that's consuming and destroying the whole planet#and at this point in my life I feel like I woke up from the matrix but am still stuck and plugged into the battery pod#too weak to break free but you can't un-awaken (at least not entirely)#so you're just....... stuck in the pod and forced to occasionally re-enter delusion land to cast a ballot#like the ballot is going to affect the giant squid robots back in the real world somehow#this metaphor is getting away from me which means I'm ruminating so I'm gonna go play splatoon now#all this to say I hope kamala harris wins#and ha ha hee hee hoo hoo my therapist was right I'd get weird about the election even though I thought I'd be normal and fine
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I might just go icon less/fcless for Helen because there is no way I will ever be satisfied.
#It's just. Never right???#Like EG is gorgeous obvs and she has been in at least 3 historic roles and her character have actions and mannerisms I can see Helen having#BUT#despite her beauty she is... so far from how I would visually describe Helen in a book#That I can't sustain this fc#I'm considering going back to SD#The previous one#She's the closest I've ever gotten in terms of appearance and historical proximity (since accuracy is unattainable)#But her mannerisms and expressions.. rarely match what I'm writing 🤷♀️#So why do I even trouble myself with this!!#ooc
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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Woke up earlier and heard noises that made my thought process go:
What's my family doing outside my room? So noisy
Is it thunder??
No, that sounds very much like footsteps.. on the roof..??
..ok, no, that sounds like the pitter patter of a cat running on the roof
Sounds like 2 of them
So I got up, bundled up, and went outside into my yard a little bit to look at the roof and see if there's anything there
At first, I thought I saw a black trash bag that I thought got caught on a branch of a tree that's close to the house
But then I shuffled a little further out and looked again and. No. That was not a trash bag, but the extremely shiny feathers of a decently large Black Vulture just chilling on the roof of my house.
So that's an interesting start to my day.
#ghostie mumbles#that is the closest I've been to a vulture. a wild one at least. it was so cool to see#my favorite species is a turkey vulture cuz of their pretty white beaks. but this black vulture was cool too
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I think the assumption "oh autistic people will always exist outside of social norms, and it's either they mask and act like neurotypicals or are just completely Not" is very false. with my autistic friends, it kinda feels like there's another book of social norms that we make for ourselves. some of those rules may include
taking turns info dumping -- remembering to pay attention during the other's info-dump and asking relevant questions. with that, second hand investment. generally leads to more meaningful relationships
remembering each other's sensory needs. like if I'm in a crowded room and I see my friend is acting noticeably out of it (or vice versa), suggesting to go outside and just talk one-on-one or even a simple "you ok?" helps
the 'do not hate on each other's hyper fixations' rule. if someone likes something to THAT point, immediately shitting on it hurts! it's like...hyperfixation-talk and regular-media talk. ex "I like trains" "trains are fucking stupid" like WHat
always intervening when you hear another person shit talking your friend on the basis that they're autistic
the old "this made me think of you" texts, pictures, gifts, etc
understanding that sometimes it takes a lot of time for one person to get in the right headspace to reply to a message, and not holding that against them
the very niche type of humor that comes together when two very mentally ill people are put in the same room lol
the way our tone can be kinda off, but we still know what the other person means. not because they particularly sound sarcastic, but because we know what sarcasm sounds like coming out of that person. similar with joking, etc
no shame when you need breaks from each other or are socially tired
#feel free to add more#autism#actually autistic#speaking for personal experience ofc as a low support needs afab person#but almost all of my closest friends are autistic#I think the real shame is just when people have been masking for so long they dont know how to de-mask#so they're sort of on the outskirts of their own meaningful relationships#I've been on a 'I live how I want' kick recently#but tbh#if you try to fit yourself into something you aren't -- it can work but will you have as much fun??#I totally get unique circumstances but also#I think if you're autistic you need at least once autistic besties were you simply Do Not Hold Back#because those relationships are so so so much more fulfilling
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general info 5 & 8, and relationship and personality 1 ( love your blog btw, hope you're having a nice day <3 )
Ahhh, thank you so much anon, that's sweet of you to say!! 💚💚 I hope you also have a nice day/night!
-> to the ask game -> to all asks about Marchosias
⸺ GENERAL INFO 05 ⸺ Which deadly sin best aligns with them? Which one do they embody the least?
Most people would probably assume she aligns most with gluttony given how often she goes on her little parfait outings. But she's actually a pride demon who just happens to have a massive sweet tooth! Her pride predominantly kicks in as a defense and coping mechanism. For example, her right hand is pitch black up to a little over her elbow and as an angel that was reason enough for her to be outcast a lot of the time, but now as a demon she's just like "you WISH your arm was this cool". Around others she also takes great pride in being able to solicte humans into pacts with ease, when in actuality it's just an empty skill to her
Envy is a pretty strong contendor as well, though. On one hand, there's the fact that her wings were cut off as an angel and she now has two tails meaning she can't fly anymore, yet she would love nothing more than to be closer to the night sky, and constantly envies demons with wings. And while both she and the brothers are fallen angels, at least the brothers got to fall together with their family, which is something her child-self didn't have at the time
As for least, that would have be Sloth. She's just constantly up and about with different tasks relating to the Newspaper Club and has to deal with school work, as well as managing all the requests from her human masters
⸺ GENERAL INFO 08 ⸺ Do they have a kill count? How high is it?
She does, and considering how she often resorts to stabbing people that annoy her with her tails, it's surprisingly low!
..........low for a demon, anyways
⸺ RELATIONSHIPS & PERSONALITY 01 ⸺ What's their relationship with the cast?
Since you didn't specific which characters I went with Lucifer, Levi, Diavolo and Barbatos to talk more in-depth about. If you'd like to hear a little about the others, feel free to send another ask!
Lucifer
Lucifer was responsible for her while she was still a little angel. Back then Marchosias looked up to him then despite Lucifer's less than kind attitude toward her, and things only got worse between them once the brothers fell. There was one incident in particular that severely damaged their relationship and that ended with Marchosias trying to get Lucifer to take her grimoire since he's "he's already used to playing around with her fate, this wouldn't be any different"
If you ask any of the people that played absolutely no part in any of it what that incident was about, they'll tell you that the two of them went on a date that went south. If you ask any of the two demons actually involved, Marchosias tends to grow completely quiet, while Lucifer will hesitate a little before either saying that they "were talking about something that happened back when they were both angels" or that he told her "something he thought she deserved to know", but that's about as much as you will get out of them. The only other ones that know the full story are Mephisto, Barbatos, Solomon, Simeon and Raphael, but they'll keep quiet about it
Their relationship has been strained for several centuries after this, but nowadays they finally have a more friendly and casual relationship with each other and she's back to looking up to him. She and my MC have even formed the "Lucifer, take a fucking break already" club. Club activities include coming up with different ways to trick Lucifer into taking a break!
She also likes getting on his nerves :) She might have taken over RAD's Newspaper Club after Mephisto was forced to step down, but Marchosias keeps him as her second in command and runs any important decision by him first. And then she always goes with whatever Mephisto suggests. It's not uncommon for Lucifer to complain to her about it because "that defeats the purpose of having Mephistopheles step down in the first place" :)
Leviathan
As with any of the brothers, Marchosias keeps some tabs on him for the RAD Newspaper. So outside of interviews and school surveys, they have hardly ever exchanged a word with each other. That being said, she's also a massive fan of his cosplays! Not that she would ever tell him that to his face. There are only very few instances where Marchosias gets shy, and witnessing Levi's embarrassment is one of those instances where she gets completely disarmed
Anyway, Marchosias even has notifications on for his accounts. It's not uncommon that Levi posts something only to delete it three seconds later... Plus he's pretty much the only one out of the brothers about whom she doesn't like getting blackmail insider information from her Anonymous Source™
Diavolo
Maze is genuinely fascinated by his charisma and his ability to captivate people with his speeches. Pretty much the only reason she still shows up to seductive speechcraft classes is because she hopes to be partnered up with Diavolo and get to learn as much about his charme as she can. It could be useful for forging pacts with humans, after all!
Diavolo actually also enjoys partnering up with her because--even though they hardly ever get any work done--he is super interested in all her experience in forging pacts with humans, so they talk the entire time instead of paying attention in class. Win-win situation for the two of them, lose-lose situation for the teachers, Lucifer and Barbatos <3
Barbatos
They've know each other pretty much ever since Marchosias fell, but their relationship was very distant at first. He has helped her adjust to the Devildom and helped her master her powers on behest of the king, but their relationship mostly just stayed professional. They've finally started growning a lot closer a while after Marchosias had forged her pact with Solomon, and while you don't see them talking with each other outside of RAD News related business, they comment on any given situation by shooting each other looks whenever they pass each other in the hallway or on the street
She trust him immensely which is why he is in possession of her grimoire as mentioned here, and Barbatos is also the first one Marchosias goes to when she's in need of comfort. Whenever that happens, she usually just storms into the castle, ignores everyone as she walks straight to Barbatos and then just collapses in his arms
-> to the ask game -> to all asks about Marchosias
#once again thank you anon!! 💚💚#sorry it took a bit to answer. i've been trying to figure out who to talk about for the 'relationship with cast' question#i would have included them all but the answer quickly started to be wayyyyy to long so i only went with four guys. hope you understand <3#btw those aren't necessarily the four characters she's the closest with or has the most history with#like closest would definitely go to mephisto for example#anyway i hope the length of some of the answers at least somewhat makes up for the wait time! 💚#obey me oc#mel's oc marchosias#mc & oc ask game - marchosias#obey me mc & oc ask game#ask game answers#ask tags
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woke up this morning with a message from god itself handing me the missing puzzle piece to the kirukei dynamic
#larry time#i feel like I've been misrepresenting just how insane keiko is on here but like rest assured that girl is like#max is probably one of the closest comparisons i have for her personality outside of work#and sam as kiru i think is easy enough to grasp#also#full disclosure i don't sleep with glasses on#but i feel naked if i draw myself without them and i would like to at least Try to keep this account sfw
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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You know what, joining that Discord show club was a great idea, like half of my favourite PKC folks are there. And is there anything more wholesome than someone going '1!! hey, I remember that dog!! she's adorable, I'm glad she's doing well!' about a little pixel friend they made for you years ago?
#someone also said they liked one of my older petz that I got from a member of the Polish Petz community back in the day#and we went on to reminiscent about how the community used to be back then#honestly? in a way that talk is the closest thing I'll ever get to closure in regards to what happened with the PKC#and I think that with that I can actually try and move on#even though it's pretty damn tough when a niche site that's been around since you were born just...... falls apart due to technical issues#but I've done it before. SHiR felt like it would never go away too after all#and I was there with PTI practically since the very beginning and until the very end#anyways the Petz community is still so vibrant and cool#it hurts but it'll heal. It somehow hurts way more now that I'm an adult though.#maybe because now the Polish Petz community basically /has/ no home? and I've known some of those people since I was 11?#still.... all good things must come an end and I can accept it. I feel I'm slowly getting closer to that point.#maybe I'll slowly warm up to the concept of using my RKC account ahahaha.... the RKC people were always really nice after all#the Petz community at large won't die anytime soon I don't think. Most of us have been here for at least 10 years after all.#a huge chunk of them for 20+ years#again. some people have been here longer than I've been alive#it's not something that can entirely disappear
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