#Or are you becoming MORE of you?
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First art of the new year is all about re-structuring your internal monologue.
In my early 20s I was working full time in London with many social commitments and a variety of hustles and side projects.
In my later mid 20s I cater to many sensory and social drain needs I have and indulge in special interests while respecting my lower energy reserves and celebrating my different way of processing the world.
Did I get more autistic? Nah. I got less fake.
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[Art description: Three panels showing figures on a black background. Long descriptions follow.
1. A drawing of OP as a person with hip-length hair and a dress standing sadly with her hands clapsed together in front of her. She is coloured a muted rainbow gradient. Behind her, two pairs of nondescript figures chat while smiling. White text says, âIâm getting more and more autistic the older I get.â 2. OPâs colours are brighter, and her expression looks happier. Crayon-like scribbles have crossed out the text from the previous panel. 3. OPâs colours are vibrant, and she balances on one leg and throws her arms out as she dances. The text above has changed to say, âIâm becoming more and more myself the older I get.â \End descriptions]
#urchin art#autism#autistic#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#actually autistic#autistic things#autistic adult#autistic artist#autistic community#listen- the process of unmasking every fiber of your fabricated being is difficult#figuring out who you are behind the mask is scary#but continuing to act in a play where only you got no script is officially cringe#(this is me waxing poetic I am very aware of the safety needs of masking but that's not the point)#the point is ask yourself#are you getting MORE xyz?#Or are you becoming MORE of you?
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I hate how people will look at popular indie artists who had one or two songs go viral on TikTok and start making fun of anybody who listens to them. "Oh you listen to Lemon Demon, Will Wood, Jack Stauber, Glass Animals, and Mother Mother? Tsk, don't you know that is stupid TikTok neurodivergent white transmasc preteen music? It's so mid and bad you should listen to real musicâ" you are a pit of misery
#sp-rambles#Edit: Head in hands and groaning why did this post become about cringe culture and ânot caring about what other people thinkâ#Like yes of course cringe culture is dead yada yada but don't you guys think it's a little off how people use ableist and queerphobic#rhetoric still to describe things they do not like? Isn't that a bit more concerning?
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>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
#anyway this is why i'm the way i am about politics and people who advocate against 'participating in the system'#i am on my way to becoming one of the ten guys and frankly? it's fucking exhausting#i chatted with the union president afterwards and he got this haunted look in his eye#and was like 'i'm glad to see you getting involved but remember you can say no. you can always say no.#don't let anyone bully you into doing more than you want to. make time for yourself. YOU CAN SAY NO.'#which was good and much appreciated advice! but also. ominous
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hunting down a specific image but finding miscellaneous storyboards/some cut panels from the stan comic story instead
#someone with the b&n version of the comic pls.... pls show me the extra pages#(cos i ain't paying again when i dislike 1/4 of it lmao)#the original storyboard for ford's dream not having the boat/swingset/portal....#NOT THE CLONE DIPPERS HAVING A PIC OF WENDY! ENOUGH!! YOU TWO HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS#thats it im working on an old fic again about existential crises and missing your twin who isnt your twin anymore#so then you become your own twin...? truly the healthiest way to go about this#mabel pines#dipper pines#stan pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stanford pines#gravity falls#im guessing this first storyboard is from the petting zoo short#but mabel posing in the stan's tattoo one is making me lose it#kinda wish we had more s1 storyboards#heck i wanna see the deleted scenes too#cos the ones we got were all s2 except for that one dreamscaperers one with the alt bill intro
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Genuinely, what happened to âfeminism is for everyoneâ?
Thatâs the feminism I grew up with: encouraging people to recognize that fighting sexism and restrictive gender roles helps folks of every gender. Weâd push back on the idea that feminists hate men, pointing to inclusive feminist literature and how many men are feminists.
Now, there are so many people insisting that the solution to patriarchy is to openly hate and ostracize men no matter what. Why? What is the benefit? Itâs certainly not effective in fighting oppressive structures to exclude half the population from your cause on the basis of immutable traits. It may feel cathartic to say horrible things about men and try to punish them for your frustrations with patriarchy. But the only actual effect I see is the increasing right-wing radicalization of young men, who are being told that the left hates them for the way they were born and presented with an abundance of proof that itâs true.
Why are we going back to treating men and women as different species? It doesnât fix things to say âwell women are the good gender and men are the bad oneâ this time. If you sincerely want to dismantle sexism, youâre going to have to unpack and let go of all sex and gender essentialismâeven that which considers women inherently pure and men inherently immoral.
#read bell hooks read bell hooks Iâll say it 1000x more please read bell hooks#with the u.s. election Iâve been seeing so much about how young men are becoming more & more radicalized by âmanosphereâ right-wingers#but peopleâs response instead of âletâs work to deradicalize/reduce radicalizationâ has been ?? âletâs get more radical tooâ????#as in to stop talking to/having relationships with men entirely. who does that actually help? what effect are you wanting to see?#others say to let men âfigure themselves out.â what???? how do you think radicalization and deradicalization work????#intersectional feminism#sexism#transandrophobia#<I have absolutely seen these sentiments be inclusive of trans men completely ignoring that they donât equally benefit from patriarchy#mine
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BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...
#i have to acclimate myself into following people. first i have to spend a few days to weeks checking someones blog manually#and i cant follow too many new people in the same burst or else theres TOO MUCH new unfamiliarity on my dash#and i become a small and easily frightened beast alarmed by change#also im just....................... incredibly picky kjhsdkjjkdsj sometimes ppl i generally am :)! towards do occasionally rb#from someone who i want to throw bricks at. and then i cant follow them but im still :)! when i see them in notifs#and sometimes its just that im going AAAA!!! AAAA!!! and cant put more new things on my dash#or in some cases its someone im fond of seeing/chatting w whenever we have talked BUT they simply are also into stuff im not rly into#and i dont want it on my dash despite liking them as a person. etc. you know how it is#ALL OF WHICH TO SAY................... :)!#rimi talks
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When all this is over, will you stay with me? For good?
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#laezel#shadowheart#laeâzel#shadowzel#more like shartzel#when im telling you they were meant for each other#what do you mean theyre both loyal followers to their god-queens who eventually forsake them and force them to become their own people#what do you mean they both crave the recognition and validation of their overseers but will never get it#the hurt/comfort of this ship is unreal yall#crying screaming sobbing
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everyone out of the way, this is the only thing I'm going to be thinking about from now on.
(okay, there is one more thing)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#jade is having the time of his life being a nasty little mofo and i love him for it#and gosh...leona and sally being friends is SO cute#sometimes i forget that leona is canonically a feminist#sally poisons a man and he's like 'you go girl'#they have so much in common though!#they both have eye scars and no ears on the sides of their heads!#no but they're adorable and i love it#and i suppose i have to reluctantly admit that i understand why lilia could not be in this event#he would just be stuffing frogs into his mouth left and right without even blinking#every time we get a moment of culture-clash he would just be there like 'mm-hm. yes. i do not see the problem.'#man. i do so adore any event that forces the boys to Work Together#their one weakness...not being petty dipshits who get into slapfights at the drop of a hat#absolutely nothing got done that first day and the mayor set off the emergency alarm because he was so done with them#this is perfection#anyway brb gotta go do some missions for the other jack's birthday#see you next week for more of scully becoming increasingly disillusioned with all these fake halloween fans
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they should invent a doctor that actually helps you
#i've had like 3 doctors that have ever actually believed me and helped me#many more that believed me and didnt help me#and MANY more that just didn't believe me#if you aren't going to listen to your patients then why did you become a doctor#fuckass
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Astarionâs first impressions of my tav Cain, because playing a good aligned paladin with a charlatan background is really, truly, deeply hilarious. I loved lying at every possible opportunity to make my life easier. I wish there wasnât a cap on inspiration points because I was getting it left and right from cain and astarion combined.
#you can see me progressively put more effort into this#baldurs gate 3#astarion#bg3#bg3 art#bg3 tav#bg3 astarion#bg3 fanart#oc: cain#heâs named that bc when i built him i ripped his build from my dnd character at the time#whose name was abel#in my mind theyâre brothers and in this universe abel doesnât become an adventurer#and runs a butchery in baldurs gate
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âWhen I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklynâs streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogsâ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably wonât last: the reinforcerâthe silence or the cessation of the annoyanceâwas exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.â
â Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)
#dog books#this chapter was very sad reading#when you become aware of punishment#and its use and its prevalence#it's hard not to despair#again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution#maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did#what I did because it's what everyone does#because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else#I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice#this book was very validating#another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts#was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice#with Amanda Knox#it helped to ease the despair a little
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i know itâs like years old at this point but i love that one collab mumbo and grian did with tommyinnit bc itâs like the single most concentrated example iâve seen of mumboâs Chaos Nullification Powers
you get to see a bit of it on hermitcraft, mostly via his interactions with grian, but until seeing that collab it didnât really hit me just how completely mumbo can no-sell other peopleâs attempts to control a situation. tommyinnit is possibly the single shoutiest, most chaotic minecraft youtuber out there, and in most videos iâve seen he pretty much overwhelms everyone else and sets the tone for interactions because of this. but mumbo just. doesnât let him. no matter how much tommy escalates in intensity, mumbo reacts with *exactly* the same energy he always does. grian largely comes across in the whole video as annoyed and reluctant to engage with the whole thing, but mumboâs not even affected. he just rolls with anything he finds funny and basically ignores anything he disapproves of, only seeming more and more unflappable the harder anyone tries to get a rise out of him.
AND imo, this is the key to my favorite interpretation of him as a character
see, when the people around him are being more reasonable/calm, i think mumbo often comes across as anxious and a bit easily overwhelmed. the thing is, his nervous wet cat vibes do not scale. he has one setting. his responses to the last life âah-ha!â jokes and to hermitcraft 8 starting to crumble to pieces under a falling moon are almost identical.
mumbo jumbo is inexorably and eternally Just Some Guy, but that gets stranger and stranger the weirder his surroundings become. the giggly incredulousness that makes him an easy target for goofy puns looks Very different when itâs also his reaction to the impending end of the world.
#anyway yeah i have this whole idea in my head about mumboâs friendship with grian from a characterization standpoint#bc i agree with the somewhat? common consensus that being friends with mumbo has made grian softer and friendlier over time#but i donât think it was in a âreflecting back the kindness heâs being shownâ way#i think itâs because the more harsh and chaotic you try to be towards mumbo the more you feel ineffectual and out of control#and grian canât handle it so he slowly becomes nicer until he feels like theyâre on equal footing again#like donât get me wrong i think they genuinely are good friends#and i donât think this is necessarily something mumbo is doing on purpose#but i think the power dynamic going on under the surface is much more bizarre and weighted in mumboâs favor than it seems at first glance#mumbling
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Tragic: Guy you based your entire villain backstory on doesn't even remember you
#art#comic#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the hedgehog#infinite the jackal#sonic fanart#sonic#sonic forces#My funny BTS on this comic is Shadow's initial response was 'sounds like cope but okay' but I wanted something less internet-pilled LOL#I've drawn more Sonic Forces fanart than I intended but it is EXCLUSIVELY because I think Infinite is SO funny#I'm gonna shove him in a locker#Bro lost a fight once and it shattered his self esteem#He's been practicing his evil laugh for months and when he finally gets his chance Shadow hits him with the 'I don't know you'#Also since this is taking off I want to clarify: I am a hater in the silly sense. I understand why Infinite has fans#The bones of a good character are there itâs just the writing of this game failed him So Bad#Forces is my least fave Sonic game but I canât stop thinking about it because of its missed potential#Forces tries to make a lot of very serious plot points but the impact is just not there. It becomes unintentionally funny as a result
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How much longer 'til your luck runs out?
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#Aaargh...I have so many thoughts about this scene.#This is a hard goodbye. I'm not your burden to bear. Not anymore.#This is the culmination of years of miscommunication. There was so much love there. They trusted each other with everything once.#I think it is easy to hear the anger in JC's voice and consider him the aggressor in this but listen to the words not the tone.#It is anger yes - but it is an anger born out of love.#Jiang Cheng wanted him to live - damn the rest of the world to hell if that's what it took. And Wei Wuxian chose strangers over him.#Sometimes two people who once flourished together become each other's worst wounds.#A goodbye to someone you once would have done anything for is a wound you don't easily recover from.#Jiang Cheng could have stood at Wei Wuxian's side and joined him. Consider though; as a sect leader his life is not his own anymore.#JC cannot just abandon the fledgling New Yunmeng Jiang without also dooming people.#And that is the lynch pin of it all. Both of them are trapped by duty. And the older they got the more tangled the web became.#The song I linked (Hi Epic fans) is such a good JC and WWX song that doesn't fit this scene exactly#But it does fit *them*. The words of warning that go dismissed. The Tactical Genius who continues to press on.#The seeds of doubt that grow louder until they creep towards mutiny. Ultimatly this *is* a mutiny! It *is* betrayal!#'You rely on wit and people die by it'. Is that not Wei Wuxian?#Just smashing my brainworms together over here. Don't mind me.
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always a fun time when real life people are doomed by their own narratives. like guys you know it doesnât have to be like this right? this isnât a stageplay the foreshadowing isnât real until you make it real
#what do roman senators rock stars and real pirates have in common#i would love to write a magical realism psychological horror movie about a up-and-coming celebrity#in which the premise is that the more and more you garner a parasocial following#(i.e.#the more and more you are treated like a character instead of a real person)#the more you become subject to the rules of fiction and thus narrative fate#and the protagonist slowly but surely realizes that by becoming famous theyâve sold away their own ontology#//#god. i need to find that sexy quote from pete townshend about how the music industry is perpetuated on human sacrifice
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see me off with grace
#deltarune#utdr#kris dreemurr#there's always this specific ache i get whenever i draw kris#the more grounded I become with my kris interpretation the sadder they get. and i empathize#i have a friend who phrased it well and they said:#âoh kris. i'm sorry it couldn't be better for youâ#my art
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