#Or are you becoming MORE of you?
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First art of the new year is all about re-structuring your internal monologue.
In my early 20s I was working full time in London with many social commitments and a variety of hustles and side projects.
In my later mid 20s I cater to many sensory and social drain needs I have and indulge in special interests while respecting my lower energy reserves and celebrating my different way of processing the world.
Did I get more autistic? Nah. I got less fake.
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[Art description: Three panels showing figures on a black background. Long descriptions follow.
1. A drawing of OP as a person with hip-length hair and a dress standing sadly with her hands clapsed together in front of her. She is coloured a muted rainbow gradient. Behind her, two pairs of nondescript figures chat while smiling. White text says, ‘I’m getting more and more autistic the older I get.’ 2. OP’s colours are brighter, and her expression looks happier. Crayon-like scribbles have crossed out the text from the previous panel. 3. OP’s colours are vibrant, and she balances on one leg and throws her arms out as she dances. The text above has changed to say, ‘I’m becoming more and more myself the older I get.’ \End descriptions]
#urchin art#autism#autistic#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#actually autistic#autistic things#autistic adult#autistic artist#autistic community#listen- the process of unmasking every fiber of your fabricated being is difficult#figuring out who you are behind the mask is scary#but continuing to act in a play where only you got no script is officially cringe#(this is me waxing poetic I am very aware of the safety needs of masking but that's not the point)#the point is ask yourself#are you getting MORE xyz?#Or are you becoming MORE of you?
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>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
#anyway this is why i'm the way i am about politics and people who advocate against 'participating in the system'#i am on my way to becoming one of the ten guys and frankly? it's fucking exhausting#i chatted with the union president afterwards and he got this haunted look in his eye#and was like 'i'm glad to see you getting involved but remember you can say no. you can always say no.#don't let anyone bully you into doing more than you want to. make time for yourself. YOU CAN SAY NO.'#which was good and much appreciated advice! but also. ominous
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more public art! these fellas were printed on vinyl for the sides of a traffic cabinet
#art#painting#digital#coyotes#coyote#illustration#desert#my art#more professional work yaaaayyyy#i'm unintentionally becoming a Traffic Cabinet Illustration guy. this is my third one and i have a fourth lined up#you see once i complete my fifth one i'll be able to create the world's shittiest pentagram that covers all of phoenix#idk what happens after that. i'll just be powerful or smthin idk#anyways those swirly lines are so much fun to mindlessly render i had a lot of fun with this one tbh#greatest hits
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BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...
#i have to acclimate myself into following people. first i have to spend a few days to weeks checking someones blog manually#and i cant follow too many new people in the same burst or else theres TOO MUCH new unfamiliarity on my dash#and i become a small and easily frightened beast alarmed by change#also im just....................... incredibly picky kjhsdkjjkdsj sometimes ppl i generally am :)! towards do occasionally rb#from someone who i want to throw bricks at. and then i cant follow them but im still :)! when i see them in notifs#and sometimes its just that im going AAAA!!! AAAA!!! and cant put more new things on my dash#or in some cases its someone im fond of seeing/chatting w whenever we have talked BUT they simply are also into stuff im not rly into#and i dont want it on my dash despite liking them as a person. etc. you know how it is#ALL OF WHICH TO SAY................... :)!#rimi talks
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When all this is over, will you stay with me? For good?
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#laezel#shadowheart#lae’zel#shadowzel#more like shartzel#when im telling you they were meant for each other#what do you mean theyre both loyal followers to their god-queens who eventually forsake them and force them to become their own people#what do you mean they both crave the recognition and validation of their overseers but will never get it#the hurt/comfort of this ship is unreal yall#crying screaming sobbing
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they should invent a doctor that actually helps you
#i've had like 3 doctors that have ever actually believed me and helped me#many more that believed me and didnt help me#and MANY more that just didn't believe me#if you aren't going to listen to your patients then why did you become a doctor#fuckass
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doylist explanation for why Gidel is only in Fellow's non-idle lesson animations: probably something about space constraints and making sure two sprites in one seat aren't covering anyone else when they're not in focus
watsonian explanation for why Gidel is only in Fellow's non-idle lesson animations: he snuck in and is hiding from the teachers, don't give him away 🤫
(I've reached my limit of unsuccessful attempts at pulling them before I need to save keys for Halloween, so I've been living vicariously through youtube videos...but the fact that Gidel just pops up from under the desk to wave his arms around happily is really testing my resolve. D: I'm gonna die when they finally get to do alchemy...)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#i hope you didn't think i was done with these dorks#they're here to study and also steal everything (including our hearts)#i forget if rollo has a similar line about what he's doing at nrc but i imagine he made sure it was all meticulously above-board#carefully planned out and all his papers in precise order#meanwhile fellow kicks down the door and is like 'what up birdman i'm here to learn some HISTORY'#'also this is my emotional support child. ...wait what do you mean you have precedent for this'#(he does have another home screen line that's like)#('i thought ortho was weird when i met him')#('but now i'm realizing that this school is actually just incredibly buckwild all the time')#sigh. i know fellow and gidel's adventures at nrc are non-canon but i really just want this random adult man inexplicably just there.#the more twst becomes cromartie high the happier i am
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“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”
— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)
#dog books#this chapter was very sad reading#when you become aware of punishment#and its use and its prevalence#it's hard not to despair#again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution#maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did#what I did because it's what everyone does#because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else#I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice#this book was very validating#another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts#was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice#with Amanda Knox#it helped to ease the despair a little
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i know it’s like years old at this point but i love that one collab mumbo and grian did with tommyinnit bc it’s like the single most concentrated example i’ve seen of mumbo’s Chaos Nullification Powers
you get to see a bit of it on hermitcraft, mostly via his interactions with grian, but until seeing that collab it didn’t really hit me just how completely mumbo can no-sell other people’s attempts to control a situation. tommyinnit is possibly the single shoutiest, most chaotic minecraft youtuber out there, and in most videos i’ve seen he pretty much overwhelms everyone else and sets the tone for interactions because of this. but mumbo just. doesn’t let him. no matter how much tommy escalates in intensity, mumbo reacts with *exactly* the same energy he always does. grian largely comes across in the whole video as annoyed and reluctant to engage with the whole thing, but mumbo’s not even affected. he just rolls with anything he finds funny and basically ignores anything he disapproves of, only seeming more and more unflappable the harder anyone tries to get a rise out of him.
AND imo, this is the key to my favorite interpretation of him as a character
see, when the people around him are being more reasonable/calm, i think mumbo often comes across as anxious and a bit easily overwhelmed. the thing is, his nervous wet cat vibes do not scale. he has one setting. his responses to the last life ‘ah-ha!’ jokes and to hermitcraft 8 starting to crumble to pieces under a falling moon are almost identical.
mumbo jumbo is inexorably and eternally Just Some Guy, but that gets stranger and stranger the weirder his surroundings become. the giggly incredulousness that makes him an easy target for goofy puns looks Very different when it’s also his reaction to the impending end of the world.
#anyway yeah i have this whole idea in my head about mumbo’s friendship with grian from a characterization standpoint#bc i agree with the somewhat? common consensus that being friends with mumbo has made grian softer and friendlier over time#but i don’t think it was in a ‘reflecting back the kindness he’s being shown’ way#i think it’s because the more harsh and chaotic you try to be towards mumbo the more you feel ineffectual and out of control#and grian can’t handle it so he slowly becomes nicer until he feels like they’re on equal footing again#like don’t get me wrong i think they genuinely are good friends#and i don’t think this is necessarily something mumbo is doing on purpose#but i think the power dynamic going on under the surface is much more bizarre and weighted in mumbo’s favor than it seems at first glance#mumbling
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always a fun time when real life people are doomed by their own narratives. like guys you know it doesn’t have to be like this right? this isn’t a stageplay the foreshadowing isn’t real until you make it real
#what do roman senators rock stars and real pirates have in common#i would love to write a magical realism psychological horror movie about a up-and-coming celebrity#in which the premise is that the more and more you garner a parasocial following#(i.e.#the more and more you are treated like a character instead of a real person)#the more you become subject to the rules of fiction and thus narrative fate#and the protagonist slowly but surely realizes that by becoming famous they’ve sold away their own ontology#//#god. i need to find that sexy quote from pete townshend about how the music industry is perpetuated on human sacrifice
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I enjoyed every second of this quest
[This art has platonic intention. Thank you for not tag ship!]
#my art#genshin impact#genshinimpact#tighnari#genshin impact tighnari#daily tighnari#cyno#genshin impact cyno#please do not tag as ship thank you#i have too much words but nothing came out from my mouth#i. i love it so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i am way too lazy to write everythin abt it#but gOSH WHEN SOME OF MY BRAINROT/HC BECOMES CANON#NO SPOILER BUT ?!?!?! EVERYTHING ABT THIS QUEST MAKES ME SO HAPPY#sethos ?!?!!! i love him. i need more cyno sethos interaction#i am so sleepy from work oh gosh but i already had idea for sethos comic/fanarr#SETHOS I HOPE HE ENJOYS CYNO'S PUNS#oh i swear if he laughs at cyno's jokes it IS SO OVER FOR ME#and WE GOT THE WHOLE CYNO FRIENDS I-#tighnari. can i talk abt tighnari.#no i wont i am lazy.#good night to them
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two people will go through similar things & learn to cope in different ways
print ♥︎ song
#I just love these two the more I read & get to know them#I could write a novel on my izutade thoughts. it's so beyond Shipping okay. secret fifth thing#you know how it is with teen girls who are weird about each other (and how they never figure out why until later)#[clenches fist] it's about... what they REPRESENT to each other...#anyway I hope they meet again someday and I hope they're both in a better place about it. I hope they can become real friends about it then#what if ogre girls and cat girls were real huh. what then.#dungeon meshi#izutade#inutade#izutsumi#llamahearted Big Anime Girl extended universe
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For the twins in time AU, I genuinely wonder what kind of people the young twins grow up into because of Stan’s/Ford’s influence. Especially if it takes years for the portal to get fixed.
(Sorry if it seems like I already sent this question, I don’t know if it got sent the first time I asked)
I haven’t fully fleshed out how Ford grows up in the past but I do have thoughts on Stan presently
#he’s still his goofy brash self as well#but I do think he gets an outlet for all that through monster hunting and trips and stuff#he does get comfortable here though…#I’m thinking we have something play out that’s similar to the science fair#where they get close to being able to send him home and he breaks something or maybe even purposely sabotages it…#and I think he sneaks out a lot too#maybe he uses the secret identities in that way like when he’s in town he’ll pretend to be Pinley pinington#and that’s how he develops his scammy/improv skills#FORD ON THE OTHER HAND#I think he might actually be MORE emotionally stunted because Stan tries so hard to protect him#that it goes the other way#they kind of become reliant on each other in a really unhealthy way or maybe Stan sort of steers ford away from his smart stuff#to prevent the future from happening#not maliciously but yk#like I said I haven’t fleshed his story out as fully yet so I will get back to you#but there are some interesting possibilities#my art#ask#gravity falls#twins in time au#Stan pines#Stanley pines
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there's something to be said about the choice to use "prince" as the main signifier of military rank for the andalites. because it kinda obscures the truth of the situation, doesn't it? a group of kids getting magic powers from an alien prince sounds whimsical and delightful. a group of kids getting pulled into a war by an alien colonel sounds tragic and horrible. the slow reveal of what "prince" actually means over the course of the early books is perhaps the most underrated twist of the entire series, because it fundamentally recontextualizes the entire premise of the series without the reader even consciously realizing it.
#i feel like there's probably a good analysis you could make about how the title of “prince” shapes jake's arc throughout the series#like it's very clear how ax ascribing that rank to him affects ax's own arc#but i think there's something there about how prince elfangor remains a beacon of respect throughout the entire series#while prince jake becomes more bloodstained and morally burdened#and the few times he invokes the prince title himself are fascinating#eh maybe a topic to think about for another time#animorphs#andalites#idiot teenagers with a death wish#koolmathgames.com
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Yandere!Fairy x Reader
“Ack! You scared me!” you exclaim as Cot suddenly appears in front of your face. His laugh sounds like twinkling bells as he settles himself on your shoulder. “Seriously… How do you keep popping out of nowhere?”
Cot tries to talk to you, he does, but all you hear is the sound of bells as he chatters on. Though you’re insanely curious to know what he’s saying, it looks like you won’t be able to know how he’s able to appear everywhere you are.
With a small huff of laughter, you ruffle his hair with your fingers. “At least give me a warning the next time you appear. I swear you’re going to make me go into cardiac arrest.”
Cot lets out a series of chimes that sound like an apology as he nuzzles your hand. You can’t help but smile – your little fairy friend is adorable.
Your days continue rather peacefully, your most frequent company being Cot. Though you can’t talk to him, just having him around is fun.
On a particularly sunny day, you’re picking strawberries from your garden, which Cot is assisting you with. You thank him as he hands you a glass of water (he’s only a little bigger than the cup, which is such a cute sight). Once you’re done drinking your water, you let out a small sigh of contentment. “Seriously, thanks, Cot. I don’t know how you knew when to appear, but I couldn’t have harvested all these strawberries without you.”
“It’s no problem!”
You freeze, eyes widening. “...Did you just… speak?”
He smiles, eyes twinkling. “Mhm!”
Your mind is unable to process your little fairy friend’s voice, making you stumble over your words. “H–how?!”
With a small hum that sounds like bells, he says, “Hm… I guess you can say that I cast a spell on you!”
(And by spell, he means that he’s slowly given you food from the Fae Realm, eager to whisk you away once you’re more fae than human. But until then, the only real spell he’s cast on you is one that allows him to know exactly where you are. After all, he needs to make sure you’re safe until he can take you to his home.)
#yandere oc#male yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#tsuuper ocs#tw yandere#yandere fairy#yandere male oc#yandere male oc x reader#monster boy oc#yandere monster x reader#Cot Tsuu OC#2024 yan/monstertober tsuutarr#male yandere oc x reader#male yandere oc#monster boyfriend#yandere fairy x reader#so initially Cot sounds like a bunch of bells (think about Tinkerbell from Peter Pan) but u can understand him more the more you become fae#he's so cute and helpful :)#tumblr kills the quality of all images smh my head
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cringe culture needs to die because when i was 17 i printed out the entire player's handbook and monster manual with my unlimited school printing credit and also wore a black velvet cape the first time i ever DMed and somehow still thought i was too cool for dnd novels. who tf did i think i was fooling
#ramble#i'm 90% sure i still have it in a folder in my desk somewhere#to clarify NONE of these things are cringe but i was embarrassed bc doing anything when you're 17 is embarrassing#i'm not even exaggerating that i've become so much happier just doing whatever i want and not apologising for it#i hate that it took me 20 years to realise that people are going to think i'm weird no matter what so there's no point masking anymore#and also that i didn't read a dnd novel until this year bc i was missing out#anyway i hate tiktok for bringing back bullying in a different more terrible way#go larping nobody cares#tl;dr you will BLOSSOM the moment you stop caring
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