#Or I'll cringe at everything I've ever done

[moonchild-in-blue]

I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙

(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)

[entropicallyfavorable]

The mortifying ordeal of knowing every cringey/hurtful/wrong thing you've ever done or said and being utterly unable to do anything about it. Having to just live your life with the knowledge that you can never be perfect because you've already fucked it up so many times. The past is static but it comes alive to bludgeon you.

[greyrain23]

A little bday drabble that's very self-indulgent cause I've had a bad week :)

Not paired with anyone in specific, I wrote it with my comfort characters in mind

"Happy birthday to me.."

You sing quietly to yourself, trying to keep your voice even and the tears at bay. A little cake, made in a mug you use for tea because you didn't have enough to buy a proper cake sat in front of you on the otherwise empty table.

You continued to sing as you light the small pink candle in the dark room, hiccuping as a small cry threatened to escape.. god, of all days. Work was kicking your ass. Your co-workers seemed a bit more harsh in the last few days, but you couldn't think of anything you'd done..

You blow out the candle and pick up your fork, but you don't feel well enough to have a bite of something so sweet..

Knock knock knock

The sound of a key twisting in the lock sounded, and you look over to see the door open, a tall figure standing in the light-filled hall before stepping inside.

"What are you doing in the dark?" His voice was smooth and comforting as always, but tonight, the comfort seemed to make it harder to swallow through the lump in your throat, you're eyes glossing with fresh tears as he walked over, bending to wrap his arms around you from behind the chair, nuzzling his face into your hair.

"What's wrong, baby?" You could only shake your head, because honestly? Nothing was specifically wrong.. everything just seemed like a big deal when it really wasn't.

"I just.. I dunno- everything feels like it's going wrong lately.." your words are hardly above a whisper, holding one of his big hands around you, the warmth giving a sense of calm in the mess that was your mind.

He pressed a kiss to your head, "how much have you eaten today..?"

"..hardly any.." he gave a small sigh but didn't scold you. He simply picked up the fork you left on the table and scooped up a bit of cake to hold up for you to take a reluctant bite.

"..'t's too sweet.."

"Really?" He takes another scoop and takes a bite himself, chuckling when you cringe at the sight of having to share the silverware. A strange dislike of yours, sharing silverware, yet you'd makeout for hours like it was the best taste ever. "Mm, maybe a little. Just take small bites then."

He held another bit of cake up to your lips, smiling softly as you took it into your mouth. He knows you don't see it, but the fondness and love in his gaze has no match. You may think yourself unlovable sometimes, but he couldn't think of anyone who could even come close to how much love he holds for you.

You look up at him when he starts to hum, parting his lips to actually sing the words, "happy birthday to you..~"

You couldn't hold the small giggle while he sang. It was rare to hear, but boy, was it a gift to the ears when he did.

"Ah! There's a smile~!" He poked your cheek, a grin of his own painting his beautiful lips. He suddenly lifted a small gift bag to set on the table, "got you something~"

You give him a small look.. you told him not to, but you pull the bag a little closer anyway. Pulling out the tissue paper, you take out a small picture frame, a small smile tugging your lips when you see your favorite photo together in such a pretty decorated frame.

"Thank you.." he smiles and rests his chin on top of your head. "I had the frame custom made. Y'know how many shops I had to visit to find the perfect material~?"

You chew on your bottom lip, blinking away the tears that stung your eyes again, "there's one more thing."

You reach into the bag one more time and pull out a small ring box.. you try to turn your head to look up at him, but he doesn't let you, "open it."

You pull the box open, and there sat two simple silver rings, "they're promise rings.." he explained while sliding his hands from around you to the box, pulling one of the rings out and taking your hand. "..cause I promise I'll be here for every single birthday. Every year." His voice is smooth in your ears as he slides the ring on, a perfect fit, but he knew that.

Hiccuping with silent tears falling, you can only watch him slip the second ring onto his finger to match.

He hugs you tightly again, suddenly pulling you up from the chair to hold you in his arms, making you giggled through your tight throat.

"God, I love you so much." He sets you on your feet and lets you turn around to face him. Looking into his pretty eyes, you smile as he wipes your tears and pulls you a little closer.

"Love you too.. even more.." he grins, holding your chin between his fingers to tilt your hear a little, drawing you in. "Nah, I don't think so."

You close your eyes and lean in the rest of the way to meet him in a sweet kiss, your arms lifting to wrap around his neck while he holds your hips.

Maybe it isn't such a bad birthday after all..

[sixstepsaway]

so here's the thing

i've seen a bunch of people say on twitter and stuff how... ed's behavior is very abusive and his anger is dangerous and he isn't romantic lead material because of it

and i get where they're coming from

but to me the main issue isn't putting ed in the position of a romantic lead, but not crafting the narrative around his characterization so that it allows for a spicy romantic pirates-in-love narrative instead of...whatever this is.

i'm going to try and explain this. idk if i'll do well but i'll try

the way she show presents stede is as an innocent baby who isn't really equipped for pirate life. he goes into a fugue/disassociative state whenever there's any real violence, apparently, and needs protecting by other characters when things get too rough - for example when ed is telling ned lowe not to take the poker to stede.

that's fine! it's honestly adorable to see a masc character being so soft around the edges and being protected by other characters this way.

(i'm not going to touch on stede's... eh... not great characterization this season rn)

then there's izzy, who is shown as a bit violent, a bit rough around the edges. he's more likely to draw a sword or throw a punch or hit someone with a chair or take a punch like a champ. violence is just part of life for him and that's okay, it just Is, from small things like smacking stede on the ass to bigger things like being wall slammed, it's not all that big or bad for violence to happen around and with him, he tends to give as good as he gets (there's some nuance here but i'm talking the macro themes not the micro of what izzy does vs is done to him)

and finally there's ed

ed is presented as violent (stabbing knives at guys, telling fang to use the snail fork etc) and used to a life of violence, and then in season 2 he's presented as really violent, his anger coming out in dangerous and terrifying ways

and frankly, i'd be super into it if he and izzy were the main ship and that twisted dynamic from the first two episodes of s2 was explored and fleshed out into something deeper

friends to enemies to lovers who fight and fuck. angry pirates who lay hands on each other, who break the whole ship with each other in the heat of passion.

except instead, s2 gives us... abuse. it gives us izzy cringing and lowering his head and trying to protect the kids crew from ed's angry outbursts.

so when stede comes back and he's still soft around the edges and ed headbutts him and it's deliberate, it's... not a great look, and the vibes are a bit skewed

if stede fought back, if when ed struck out at him he struck back, if they fought rather than it being one-sided, if it was friends to enemies to lovers and not presented as healthy, but maybe they can work their way there, who knows, maybe even more like anne bonnie and mary read because hey, they were doing something very similar?

except they were both into it. they were both enjoying the fighting and the fucking and the burning down the house.

stede's not enjoying it.

i cannot describe how much i hate this sequence just because of the way stede flinches

anne and mary don't!! mary jumps at the unexpected bang but she doesnt flinch, she doesn't cover her face like she thinks the vase will be coming for her not the wall and anne? looks so into it

and the thing is that in real life, no, you don't want to date someone who throws shit around, or headbutts you

but in fiction when it's two fucked up people doing this shit together like anne and mary?

that can be fun.

but instead what we've been given is stede flinching and apologizing to ed and then all of ed's...what, semi-redemption???? is done away from the other collection of people he abused, and then he spends some time on a fishing boat wearing a dog collar and everything is fine because he's good now and won't be doing anything bad ever again

and it's just... poor writing. the vibes are rancid.

i spent a really big chunk of time between s1 and s2 defending ed. i kept saying how what he did to izzy by making him eat his toe wasn't abuse, it was a one-off and abuse isn't a one-off thing it's a pattern, and then s2 made it a pattern.

explicitly. explicitly a pattern.

not just one toe but three.

jim saying "you're in an unhealthy relationship with blackbeard"

and all ed offered izzy was a "sorry about your leg" which might've been fine if izzy survived and they could work on this more, but instead that's all the apology and closure izzy will ever get

ed threw a chair and a vase and made stede flinch in fear and stede was right to do that. what part of any of this implies this will never happen again? that stede won't press the wrong button at some point and be on the receiving end? none of it

and if we'd been presented with a s2 stede bonnet who could handle himself and stand up for himself and fight back, then maybe i could imagine that turning into a weird sexy fucked up anne/mary like thing and maybe that could be why they put that episode in, but instead it feels like that episode was going, "look, see, ed's violence is fine because these two are fine with it with each other"

but stede isn't

ed and izzy or ed and stede in an unhealthy battle of a relationship could be such a fun, interesting and downright sexy thing to watch unfold on tv, and could honestly end somewhere far more down the chill end of the spectrum, but that's not what we've been given here

i cannot argue that ed isn't an abuser anymore, and not just of izzy but of the whole crew. he terrified frenchie.

it's not good writing to try and lean into the idea that ed and the pirates are violent and live a life of violence, so it's okay that ed's been violent, while simultaneously presenting his violence as traumatic and abusive, and then less than three episodes later saying oh it's fine now, he's just a little meow meow who can do no wrong, see?

especially considering they had him murdering people at the end of the season. and sure, you can say the english are just cannon fodder and they dont 'count', but they did before. ed explicitly did not kill before, and that included the english, or the spanish, or anyone else. so either they count or they don't, but flipping him on a dime makes no sense.

ALSO

having ed be the son of an abusive man who threw plates at his mother and made her cringe and then having ed kill his father to protect his mother and then a season later having ed become the kind of man who throws chairs and vases and makes his love interest cringe is, again, not bloody optimal

i want to say again i dont CARE about tv always presenting healthy relationships or tv always giving us aspirational goals. i want messy fucked up dynamics and terrible people making terrible choices, and still, to this day, i fucking love ed teach. i would honestly love to have seen them continue with ed's darkness and bring stede into it and see where they went with that, to have stede kill ned lowe and not just bury his feelings in ed but get off on it, enjoy the violence, and see where that led, but no

and so instead all we end up with is a protagonist who is being set up for a lifetime of abuse from an intimate partner, and a romantic lead who abuses his love interests (and yes. izzy is a love interest, he is set up like one and positioned like one and treated like one), frightens his love interests with his violence, is erratic and most of all inconsistently written. he was so sorry about scaring fang as though he hadn't been deliberately terrifying the whole crew for fuck knows how long? what?!

the whole fandom has spent so long saying, "no no, i know stede bonnet irl was a slave owner, but ofmd is using the names and not any real piracy, it's more disney piracy, you know? so that kind of stuff doesnt exist!" and then they flipped around and went "blackbeard is blackbeard and so he is evil and does all these horrible things" and i dont know how to rationalize the two sides of that because it feels so out of place

i'm getting rambly, this isnt a particularly well constructed thought process, i just feel like we were robbed both of a toxic, violent relationship that could be fun to see explored on tv and a soft and sweet love story between two middle aged men exploring their first loves in one fell swoop and there's no way for s3 to bring either of those things back because they got utterly torpedoed by making ed a horrible person

ugh

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed 7: Demons

Charlie: (nestled into bed and surrounded by a maternity pillow to help prop up her heavy set baby belly) Are you sure you're alright with me going to bed early? I can stay up a little longer and help with the new residents' paperwork.

Vaggie: (cups Charlie's cheek and brushes her thumb over the bright red circle, slipping her finger into the well hidden dimple camouflaged underneath) I'm sure, hun. I can handle it just fine. I'll be in bed in about two- (checks the bedside clock) -two and a half hours.

Charlie: (pouts) But-

Vaggie: (presses a finger to Charlie's lips) No, no hables más, mi amor. You've been sleeping horribly for weeks. If you're tired, you should sleep. I can take over so you can rest. ¿Comprende?

Charlie: (huffs childishly but eyes slowly soften as she kisses Vaggie's finger) Yes, Ma'am. I understand. (snuggles under the covers and strokes her belly) I love you, Vaggie.

Vaggie: I love you too, querida. (kisses Charlie's forehead) Good night. (slowly exits the room and shuts the door with a soft click)

Vaggie: (sighs heavily and shuffles down the hall with an uneasy stride and hunch in her shoulders) Mierda... What am I going to do?

Vaggie: (enters the office and sits behind the desk, slowly opening a side drawer to reveal a hidden flask and pulling it out to take a pull of the liquor inside) Fuck.... Now, I'm drinking by myself because of this... Shit....

-Silence-

Vaggie: (bites her lip and pulls out her phone) I cannot believe I'm doing this. (dials the number and sets the phone to speaker)

-Brrrrrrrrd! ....Brrrrrrrd! ....Brrrrrrrrd!-

Carmilla: Carmine Industries. State your business.

Vaggie: (nervous) Uh, hello, Ms. Carmine. This is Vaggie Morningstar.

Carmilla: I'm well aware who you are, Vaggie. That's the point of caller ID. What do you want?

Vaggie: (under her breath) Gee, aren't you just as perky as ever. (clears her throat) I'm... in need of some... ugh...shit.... advice.

Carmilla: .............I'm listening.

Vaggie: You have two daughters.

Carmilla: How astute of you.

Vaggie: Smartass comments aside! (gets quiet and nervous) How... do you do it?

Carmilla: ..........I must say. Normally, I'd pride myself on being able to understand most nonsensical babbling, but I'm not quite following yours. Elaborate.

Vaggie: (sighs and sinks into the chair) How do you do it? Hold your kids when you have blood on your hands? (stares at her palms and flinches as flashes of deep crimson blood stain her fingers before returning to normal)

Carmilla: I see. This is about your prior Exorcist work and the baby on the way, isn't it?

Vaggie: (nods sullenly before remembering that she's on a voice call) Fuck! Yes! This is about that! How can I hold a perfect little being after everything I've done?! After all the people I've killed here in Hell? (flood gates open as her emotions run wild and tears sting her eyes) I know Charlie has forgiven me, but what if I hurt them? What if... I'm not good enough?

Carmilla: .............

Vaggie: (slowly calms down and wipes the tears from her eyes)

Carmilla: (softly) Because when that child is born, the hands that you once used to kill will be used to protect something even more precious than you could ever imagine.

Vaggie: (blinks) Carmine?

Carmilla: That innocent, perfect little baby will rely on you for everything the moment they're born. Your wife will rely on you to help her shoulder the burden. Do you honestly think that child will care about the people you killed when they only know the love you've given it? The care you've provided to it and it's mother?

Vaggie: But.... what if I-

Carmilla: Taint it? (huffs a laugh) With what? Slightly sullied hands that may or may not be covered in spit up? A child isn't tainted by the past sins of a parent, stupid girl.

Vaggie: (glances at her hands and watches as the blood washes away to a gross, white milky substance and cringes at the thought of spit up) Not sure how much I want that either....

Carmilla: Just remember to burp the child thoroughly between changing breasts if the princess is breastfeeding, and especially after. It should help with any projectile vomiting.

Vaggie: (smiles softly and relaxes) Do... you have anymore words of maternal wisdom for me? I... uh... feel pretty useless right now.

Carmilla: Hmmph. (sits down at her desk and leans back in amusement) Grab a notebook, and I'll give you a few tricks of the trade.

[thefaiao]

seeing your clowns made me go feral since my fixation is cringe and clown flavored

Who let you cook like that who let you cook AUTHHFFH UR ART IS SO COOL IM BEING DRAGGED AWAY

You’re hatching is so fucking inspiring since it’s soMETHING I try to do in my own work I LOVE UR ART

would it be fine to ask what brushes you use? I love ur values also, you’re so so good at shapes and form WAAAA I LOVE UR STUFF. I did dig up an old ask you made iirc, but I’m not sure if it’s changed

Hey! Thank you very much. I'll go through the brushes I use for each program: Drawpile

From what I understand most of these are MyPaint brushes... but I only know them as drawpile brushes because that's what I use. Main ones I've used lately is Irregular Ink and a default brush for coloring

I don't really change the size of irregular ink much and the pressure doesn't matter that much. It has high stabilization which I haven't changed, but I'm sure you could get away with lowering it. For the other brush I'm pretty sure it's a default one that I slightly tweaked (drawpile is a bit bad about communicating what brush exactly you are using to you.) I quite like it because it feels like playing with clay, makes it easy to map out the volume. I use it for those lineless pieces I do from time to time too. I change its size a lot while drawing. I've also used these two, one of the pencil brushes and a second one I stole from Jokioro that I have no idea what is called

I used the first one for the D'arce I did a while ago and the recent VTMB piece. It's great at emulating sketchy graphite pencils, I like layering it to do multi-colored hatching rendering. The second one I don't know how to use super well yet but it's probably my fourth most used as of late. It works very weirdly so if you wanna figure out how to make it work I recommend looking at how Jokioro draws. Clip Studio I bounce around a lot with all the brushes, but I use a loooot of stuff from the Frenden pack. Mainly Meeko Leako for lining and even coloring, it has a great texture to it, very fun

This has been my most used brush for years. It's great for super straight lines and produces a great difference in value between quick lines and thick lines. I haven't used it as much since I picked up drawpile more recently, but it's amazing! Other than that I use the default G-pen when I just want simple lines without much texture

It's a bit ugly at a glance but I think if you lock in it's great for super clean lines, just trying to get the point across without much noise. I also like coloring with it at times, when I'm going lineless. SAI Binary pen. Use the binary pen. It's the best brush ever made

It just feels super right to draw with it, it's so simple but it makes your lines look super slick, and it's just a binary pen. I guess they just got the behavior down perfect for it. But yeah, love this brush. IRL I've always used these archival ink pens in different sizes for basically everything I've done traditionally, and of course just a simple number 2 pencil for sketching and such. I've used a bit of charcoal recently, and been wanting to deep into darker pencils for detail, but this is still the default. I also will probably try out dip pens sometime

That's all I can think of immediately, but I always like to mess around to try and find another great brush, and you should do the same even if you end up using these a lot.

[a34trgv2]

I'm Done With Modern Animated Shows (For Now)

If you've been keeping up with my reviews for the past couple of years, you would see that I've been very critical of modern animated shows. At first I thought it was just a couple of bad eggs and that there would be a lot more good ones now that there's more animated content than ever. That has not been the case at all as I've been watching one failure after another.

It's not like my standards are too high. Much like everyone else, I expected to have a good time with fun and engaging characters, impressive visuals, solid voice acting, creative world building, and some funny humor. Yet nearly every cartoon I've seen recently has fallen way below my expectations. I haven't found any new characters to be fun, likable, relatable, or empathetic. I've been less impressed by the visuals because of bad character design, bad animation direction or in some cases both. I haven't been able to be invested in the story or world because rather than it being shown to me, everything is just told in long winded exposition dumps. I can't even honestly call these shows funny or well acted because the humor is more often than not cringe and the actors, try as they might, are at the mercy of hopeless material and/or bad voice direction. It's no longer fun to watch cartoons these days, it's just frustrating.

What really bugs me is whenever I bring these issues up, I'm often scrutinized for being too harsh or not fair. What many people fail to realize is I'm acting no different than when they would criticize a show they dislike. I'm still talking about the show as it's presented to me, and unlike actual hacks who are unjustly harsh and have bad faith criticisms, I don't through the creators under the bus and I don't insult them personally. I thought many people would actually see where I was coming from when I criticized these shows for their lackluster and at times egregiously inexcusable quality. Yet time and again my posts have been called "ragebait" which is most certainly not true as I hate clickbait and would never say something controversial just to piss people off.

Due to all the stress of watching lackluster cartoons and the unfair comments I've received, I've decided that it's best for me to just stop watching new cartoons for the time being. I know for a fact if I continue down this path, I'm gonna end up exactly like Mr. Enter: a sad, lonely, and pathetic man who gets his sick kicks out of making stupid, unfair, and poorly constructed takes on cartoons. I don't find it fun or interesting criticizing cartoons because I know a lot of talented people put in a lot of hard work into the final product and are already having a horrible time as it is. They're underpaid, underappreciated, overworked, anxious, depressed, and many of them are laid off for financial reasons despite many of them having bills/rent to pay and families to feed. Their work is still open for criticism, but I personally just don't like criticizing someone's work when they probably already feel like nobody appreciates them.

Rather then spend my days criticizing modern cartoons, I'm just gonna make up my own stories and tell them the way I want them to be told. At least then I'd actually be enjoying my free time and relieving myself of stress. I don't know when or if I'll watch a new animated show, but for now I say I'm done.

[anmoll]

Where am I?

TWISTED WONDERLAND FIC WITH YUI KOMORI GETTING ISKIED PART 1

TW: CRINGE

"Dear God please please get me out of this hell hole. I hate it here. Why is it that your punishing me? Please they bite me, touch me i feel dirty. Please I did everything I was supposed to! I just want to leave... I'LL DO ANYTHING! P-please..." Yui prayed. But maybe her one wish will finally be done. She'll leave this place. Exactly how she wished...

It took me some time to realize I wasn't in my bed... Instead I was in a coffin!? Before i could process anything the coffin door was open by a weasel? No its a cat! "A kitten!?" Yui said with curiosity before the cat started yelling at her! "EXCUSE ME? I AM NO ITTY BITTY KITTEN I AM THE MIGHTY SORCERER GRIIM!" Wait did the cat just TALK! Before she could reply he started talking again "UGH whatever! Just give me your robes!" The cat said, "I-I'm not giving you my robes!" "If not your going to regret it!" the cat said. How could a cat hurt her? But she didn't want to take any risk! I mean she didn't even know where she was! Speaking of which shouldn't she be panicking!? But her instincts are yelling at her to take her legs and run for it while she can! So she did. She ran as fast as she could. She took a moment to look at her surroundings. How did she end up in a library? Just as she was catching her breath she heard that squeaky voice again. "Did you really think you can run form me!! Stupid human!" The cat yelled out angrily. She froze. Where did she hear that before? She knew someone said something said something similar. But her memories seemed foggy...?! "Now if you don't wanna get hurt take that robe off before i-" The cat thing yelled. Before she could respond the cat fell to the floor "ME YEOW!! THAT HURTT! WHAT GIVES?!" he cried out. She saw a man dressed in attire she never really saw anyone wear. It looked really weird he even had a bird mask. "Its tough love" The strange man spoke. Just then the guy turned towards her. "Ah I've finally found you! Your one of the new students correct? But I shall have you know that having poorly trained familiars are a violation of the schools rules." The guy said. "Oh I'm sorry sir but that's not my fam-" Yui was speaking before she was rudely interrupted. "IM NOT HER FAMILIAR! i WOULD NEVER SERVE A LOWLY HUMAN EVER! LET ME GOO" The cat said. " I shall let this go just this once. Ah aren't I so benevolent! But your orientation has already begun! Let us return to the mirror chambers." The man said.

"So uhm do you know where i am at? And what do you mean by Mirror chambers" Sir?" Yui said. "Well since you woke up in a coffin the magic mirror chose you. So you are now going to go to the mirror chambers again so it can pick a dorm for you and then you'd be a student at NRC!" The man said. "Uhm i think your mistaken! Im not supposed to be here-" She was trying to explain but she was shushed. "Shh you caused enough trouble. You can explain everything later!" The guy said. What was up with this people constantly interrupting her. She felt ignored.

Sooner or later. They finally arrived at the mirror chambers. "You are the only one who hasn't been assigned a dorm. So step up to the mirror and state thy name." He said. Following his instructions she walked up to the large mirror in the center of the room. "My name is Yui Komori" She said in a hesitant tone. I mean no one was listening to her and she doesn't know where she is!

"The nature of this soul is unclear to me." The mirror said in a monotone voice . "I'm sorry what?" The guy said. Oh great... what is going on! The dark mirror continued " I sense no magical power from her. Soundless, Colorless, Shapeless. Vacant." The students started to mutter. It felt as if they were mocking her... "how could have this happened!"

(I'm getting lazy so I'm going to skip the rest. But in the next part of the story we'll see Yui getting settled into Ramshackle)

[impactrueno]

What did you mean by "i'm gonna come off as cringe for coming up with and writing a serious deep emotional moment in media that rarely has them (simpsons..."? (genuinely curious why you said that) I know the Simpsons compared to other serious shows was lighthearted, but Simpsons were filled with deep emotional moments. Sure it had alot of comedy spin to it, it was brilliantly written and balanced, but there is so much deep emotional moments that could be explored deeper in fan fiction or fan comics. Soooo many episodes have the potential to be expanded. On the contrary, I find it strange there arent many fanworks of the simpsons in that way.

see, what you're saying here is literally how i actually feel. my tweets about "coming off as cringe" were really just me being too hard on myself. no one is holding me back, just my own brain being annoying.

that being said, i mentioned this in another tweet but stuff like the simpsons for example; yes, there's serious and deep emotional moments. they're beautifully done. but there's a way to write them, and i feel like if one deviates too much from it, it no longer feels like the simpsons. and that's when it enters """"cringe""" territory but i'm gonna stop calling it cringe and call it hmmm. gritty reboot vibes. does that make sense? lol

i got a lot of those types of comments on my simpsons stuff before it really blew up. people called my teenage versions of the kids "the CW gritty reboot version" and someone even said "bury this before fox sees it"

well! fox saw it and guess what happened lmao

if i had let that comment get to me and drop the whole thing, i never would've gotten on the simpsons. that's an insane thing to achieve as a fan, even now i still can't believe how lucky i was. they genuinely liked what i made at the simpsons. i must be doing something right. and those people who said those things about my art must feel really silly now lol

however i still worry (i don't think i'll ever stop worrying about this) that my fan content, be it simpsons, hey arnold, beetlejuice or what have you, fails to match the tone of the source material. that's a dumb thing to worry about, i know. i'm more flexible about it now, i'm being more loose and open to sharing my ideas with the world (i used to keep everything to myself) because there's always gonna be someone who really REALLY wanted to see nelson muntz sitting in his dingy trailer living room pensively looking at old family photos of his parents together, played completely straight and without jokes about how poor he is or his daddy issues. ok bad example i'm the only one who really wants to see that stuff BUT THE POINT IS

the point is don't listen to me, i'm constantly making things harder for myself. we should all be free to explore different tones in our fan content even if it's different from the source material.

like. brother am i stupid. all of this shit as if i hadn't roleplayed in a zombie apocalypse au with oncelers (and it was some of my favorite storytelling i've EVER done) LMFAOOOOOOO

[adventuringblind]

Drive With You Forever

Chapter 4.5: Fumbling through intimacy

Max Verstappen x Charles Leclerc x Lando Norris x Reader

Chapter summary: Max helps out our reader with exploring themselves

Warnings: It's just smut. P in V sex, innocence corruption, minor dom/sub vibes, oral (both receiving), fingering

Notes: I decided I wanted to explore how Max and our protagonist would figure this out. Max had experience, and the reader has litterly never tried anything.

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She knew about it. Hanna had explained sex to her. What she'd not explained was the things leading up to it.

Her and Max had been together romanticly for six months now. Though they had discovered they had felt things for each other for longer.

It's the end of a race weekend, and Max had taken the win. They were supposed to go to an after party but Max had kissed her. Then, he kissed her again. And again. And now his tongue was down her throat.

They'd gotten thos far before, but never further. Something about tonight felt different. Max was high on his confidence, and she was feeling open to new things.

Plus, if her vision is right, she doesn't want to add a third without getting to this stage as two. It sounds weird outloud but makes sense in her head.

Max pulls away for air. Leaving both of them panting. He's searching her face for confirmation he's reading this right. "Do you want to go further tonight? We don't have to-"

"No, I want to, I've just never done anything like this before."

Max thinks for a moment. "Have you ever touched yourself?"

She looks at him skeptically. "Like in my own body? Because don't we all touch ourselves all the time?"

Her answer tells him everything he needs to know. Something about the innocence in her eyes turns him on even more.

He sometimes forgets that she is barely on any social media. She uses Google if someone can't answer her questions. She reads novels that he can just tell from the cover don't have any sex scenes.

They've watched some movies where things got heated, but she always cringes and turns her head away. Yelling at Max to skip past it.

Max puts his lips back on hers. "Jump." He orders in-between breaths.

She obliges, and Max catches her weight. His hands tucked firmly under thighs. He walks them to the bed and tosses her on it.

"If you need to stop or even get a tiny bit uncomfortable, say the word and I'll clean you up and we can go to bed."

She nods her head. Something about his tone is making her excited. She felt that warm feeling in her stomach before but had never known what to do with it. Maybe this will help her understand.

Max crawls over the top of her. His kisses now leave her lips to travel elsewhere. He places them around her ear, her jaw, then her neck. The collar bone, though, has her making a noise.

Her hand covers her mouth in embarrassment. Much to Max's displeasure. He removes her hand from her face and holds it in his.

"You can make sounds. It means I'm doing a good job." He smirks. Then he continues kissing her.

His free hand plays with the hem of her shirt. Still the Ferrari shirt she was wearing fir the race.

"I've always liked you better in blue. Can I take this off, please, love?"

"Sure." It definitely does not sound confident. Something about Max right now was making her feel things she had never before.

Soon, her shirt is discarded to somewhere in the room. Max makes quick work of his also and tosses it to the void.

Skin on skin in a new place has her whining. Max is taking his time, memorizing every inch of her torso with his lips. He takes care to kiss every single scar he can make out.

Now he's eyes her waistband. Her jeans definitely weren't the most stylish thing, but they are comfortable. "Can I get these off of you?"

"Please." The new word came out on its own. Max's pupils dilate at the miniscule beg. He somehow stripped her of the jeans faster then her shirt.

His jeans are next. He's doing his best to make it even so she feels comfortable.

Her mouth falls open. Max had always been rather attractive to her, but lord this was another level. She reaches out to him before he can continue kissing her everywhere. Her fingers dance across his chest through the lines of his abs.

His thighs, though, hold her attention for longer. The way the muscles are flexing with every movement. Her hands run along the sides of them, and Max is in heaven. He hums his approval at her motions.

"I had a plan in mind, but you seem to have taken a liking to something in particular."

Max throws himself back on the bed. Pulling the females body in between his legs. "You can explore me if you want." He encourages.

She takes her time learning his body. How kisses feel in different places. Her hands find every outline of his thighs. Max is putty in her hands. He guides her to different areas. Letting their bare skin touch more and more.

It's not long before she gets eager to move forward. Her fingers tug at the waistband of his boxers.

"Can I?" She stutters. Her cheeks are turning pink. She was copying his words from when he took off her clothes.

Max kisses her again reassuringly. "Go ahead." He whispers into her neck. His hot breath sticks to her skin.

She tugs them down and off completely. Her eyes widen just a bit. She's clueless now. Her eyes moving between him and his dick.

Max grabs her hand and guides her to him. He leads her through some small touches, letting her get used to new sensations and textures. Then she's stroking him and his mouth falls open.

She looks pleased at herself now. His actions bring some confidence back to her.

"Do you want to try something else?"

Again, she's eager, but Max dosen't want to take advantage.

"If you feel comfortable, you can use your mouth instead of your hand."

To her credit, she is trying. Her body repostions so she can reach him. She eyes Max again. Looking for some sort of instruction. He guides her head to him.

You'd think she's done this before with how easily he slides down her throat. He's still guiding her but not holding her there. He kets her do things at her own pace. "If you need a break or need to breathe, just come back up. I won't be upset."

She doesn't, though. The taste is weird, and her mouth is sore, but she continues. Max is a moaning mess beneath her, and the pain is stimulating. She finds comfort in pain, and this is no different.

"Fuck- I'm gonna cum if you keep going." Max is writhing now. His hands tangled up in her hair. Her hands are still tracing around his thighs.

Cum. That's a word she hadn't heard yet. Well, she had, but she didn't know what it meant.

Max is twitching now. His legs are shaking. She makes eye contact with him to check if he's okay and it sends him over the edge.

He spills into her throat. His muscles twitching as he hits his high.

She doesn't pull off, though. She's coughing and gagging, but she's still there. It takes max, pulling her off to get her to stop.

Her mouth is drenched with her spit and his cum. Her eyes are teary from the soreness.

He wipes her mouth with his hand. "Do you need water? I'm sorry I probably should have warned you sooner-"

She dosent say anything, just points to the sink. Indicating she does want water.

Max gets up to get her some. She takes the glass thoughtfully. Swishing it around her mouth before swallowing.

Max is cradling her. "You did so good schat. You are absolutely amazing."

She melts into him. His words are a stark contrast from those she heard growing up. His eyes scan her face. "Do you want to keep going?"

She nods her head again.

"Words this time love."

"Yeah, I want to try more things.”

"How are you feeling?" Max is back to caressing every inch of her body.

"It's warm in some areas, I guess." She shrugs. The feeling is hard to describe out loud.

Max knows exactly what she's talking about. He's already tugging at the waistband of her underwear.

"Can I take these off of you."

She nods her head and then quickly slips a yes in there. Remebering he said to use her words. She's not super sure why words are neccecary, but if it makes him comfortable, then she'll run with it.

Max slides the rest of her clothing off with ease. Taking special care to admit every aspect of her body. Running his fingers along every scar.

She leans into his touch. The mild insecure feeling she had at his his initial hungry gaze now gone.

Max gently guides her down, and she just lets it happen. Confused at every moment, but she trusts him to let him guide her.

He spreads her legs apart and sets himself in between them, placing chaste kisses along her inner thighs. Hums of pleasure slip past her lips.

His tongue hits her most sensitive area. A place she's never touched. A place nobody has ever touched. That fact alone is probably what has her whining at the single action.

Max is lapping at her. His tongue memorizing her taste. His teeth barely graze her.

She doesn't understand the feeling. It's amazing, and yet her body is trying to pull away. Her hands are still at her sides, clutching the bed.

Max takes one of her hands and sets it in his hair. The new sensation only adds to the pleasure. His arms wrap under her legs, and his hands grip into her waist, effectively holding her in place.

Her moans set him alight. Determind to bring her to the edge. He works his tongue furiously. Coating her in endless layers of his saliva.

Something is building inside of her. A new sensation she's never had before. It's hot, and it's good, and she never wants it to end.

"Max I-" He doesn't let her get her words out. The coil in her snapping and white heat flooding through every inch of her.

She's leaking her pleasure into his mouth. Her back and body trying to escape from his hold.

Max keeps her held in place as he brings her through her high. His name falling from her lips as a prayer.

He pulls back finally. Not bothering to wipe his mouth as he pulls her into a hungry kiss. The taste is new to her, but she doesn't care.

She tries to get more even as he's pulling away. Their breaths heavy. She wants to keep going. She wants to feel that high again.

Max holds her for a minute, keeping her face an inch away from his. "Do you want to keep going? We can stop if this is to much."

"No, I- that felt good - I want more of whatever thay was." She pants.

Max smiles. "You mean an orgasm?"

"Sure?"

He laughs and pulls her in again. Successfully pushing her back down and straddling over the top of her.

He keeps his lips on hers as his fingers begin toying with her entrance. He searches her eyes, the pleading look she's giving him enough to send him over the brink again.

He slips his middle finger inside of her. Her little gasp against his lips and buck of her hips makes him excited.

He keeps his eyes glued to her face. His free hand settles on her breast as he slips another finger in. The flow of his hand making her bite her lip.

Her moans are picking up, and shes already trying to chase her high again. Max takes this as his signal to pull his fingers out.

She looks at him, confused and frustrated. "Need to be in you." He mumbles into her skin.

Max reaches for the nightstand where he smartly put a condom before they could get far. His mind made sure he did something rational first. He tears it open and slips it over himself.

Again, the female beneath him looks confused. Whatever the question is, he'll have to answer it later.

He lines himself up with her. "This is probably going to sting. If you need a break or need to stop just tell me."

"Okay."

Then he's slowly sliding himself into her.

He's right, she thinks, or does her best to. It burns. But it's a pleasant burn. It's a good kind of pain compared to the one she's used to causing herself.

Max is watching her face and body for signs to stop and slow down. However, the blessed out look on her face as she takes him entirely makes him think she likes it more then what they were doing before.

"Are you okay?" He pants. Bottoming in out in her. The warmth and tightness of it all make words difficult for him.

"Better then okay."

Then he's moving. Slowly at first, letting them both adjust. The glossy look in her eyes and sounds falling from her mouth pull him closer to the edge.

She's taking every inch of him. Her arms wrap around his body, pulling him closer to her. Their skin rubbing against each other. Moans filling the empty space of the room.

It doesn't take long for them to both get there. Max can feel her clenching around him. "You're doing so good for me. You feel better than I'd have ever imagined."

Their on the edge. Max is getting sloppy, and her nails are digging into his skin, only encouraging him to continue.

"Let go."

Then their their. Strings of the others' names fall from their lips. Max slips into his mother tongue as he finishes. Every one of her muscles is twitching.

Max slows himself. Wiping tears that had escaped her eyes. Doing his best to pull out gently.

Her eyes look foggy. Max's lingering touch the only thing keeping her grounded to reality. He plants kisses on her face before standing up to clean himself and starting a bath.

When he comes back into the room, she's sitting there awkwardly. Like she doesn't know what to do with herself.

Max finds himself kneeling in front of her. "Do you need anything? Are you hurting?" His concern for the girl evident.

She shakes her head. Not knowing what she should do now or what she needs. "Was that good? Did I do well?" She's asks. The initial insecurities coming back into play.

Max cradles her face. "You are absolutely perfect."

~

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[killersfool]

I Want You | ELIJAH HEWSON

PAIRING : elijah hewson x original f!character

GENRE: fluff, friends to lovers

SUMMARY: dahlia jenkinson, josh’s sister is asked to fill in as photographer at his bad’s concert. her plan is to ask him out by the end of the show as she’s been crushing on him for ever. what she doesn’t expect is that one of their songs was written about her—and she’s right there when he confesses it.

WORDS: 5.6k

WARNINGS: smoking, drinking, kissing

Friday. Underground. London.

I run through the station passing the endless people, posters and children's screams. My brother, Josh, had asked me yesterday to help out at his band's concert. He'd told me that their photographer had gotten COVID so he needed someone to fill in.

I dragged my roommate along with me as my moral support, seeing as she's heard me spill every secret in my mind about the band's lead singer, Elijah.  I've been helping Josh with his band's endeavours for years and have also had to condone countless sleepovers. I've had the sound of drumsticks crashing together engrained in my head by this point. Robyn has always told me to 'stop being a pussy and ask Eli out on a date' but honestly, I'm terrified I'll ruin everything. This photography thing has really helped to get me new jobs and more exposure.

"So, you still crushing on Eli?" Robyn asks. She's been glancing over at my phone for the past few minutes. I've been texting the band group chat that I've been added to. They usually kick me out randomly. This is the longest period of time I've been in it without having an argument. I'm pretty proud.

"Shut up." I scoff. "If you dare say anything to any of of them, I will kill you."

"I wouldn't," she laughs. I give her a look. "I'll try not to..."

"You and your big mouth."

"I can't help it."

"I shouldn't tell you things."

"Who else would you tell?" She grabs at my phone, noticing a message from Elijah pop up.

It reads: "Missed you. You've always been the better Jenkinson." I try to contain my smile at the stupid message. It's just a couple words beneath a name on a screen and I'm getting all nervous. It's pathetic. God, this is getting bad.

"That's cute," Robyn says and is about to start writing a message back until I snatch my phone back. Who knows what kind of bullshit she'd start sending. She'd surely send some terrible pictures of me. That's happened on many ocassions. I've learnt my lesson to never trust her with my phone.

"Cringe." I type back, although the smile on my face is betraying the words on the screen. I stare at his profile picture for a few seconds. It's a selfie of me and the band. I look half asleep, probably drunk. Eli's hair is all over his face and Josh is squeezing Ryan's cheeks. Bobby is just angrily staring at the camera. He definitely didn't want to be in that photo. It's sweet that Eli has kept his profile picture that way for so long. We haven't seen each other in months. I send another message, "Well you're not my favourite Hewson."

He sends an angry emoji. "Who is then?"

"Bono, course."

He sends a few more angry emojis before spamming the group chat. There is already some kind of argument happening. Robert seems to be late and they're all asking where he is. I switch my phone off, sliding it into my pocket. Robyn's been unusually quiet.

"What have you done this time?" I ask with a subtle tilt of my head. She's chewing on some haribos she'd bought moments ago. She then smirks to herself, "Nothing."

I'm a little worried but decide to brush it off. We leave the train station and I'm struck by the freezing air. I sometimes forget how cold England is. Having moved from Ireland over a year ago, I feel like I should've acclimatised. But, why is it always so cold? I hold my jacket closer to myself to try to warm up.

We pass at least ten people with 'I love London' shirts. Sounds of street sellers are familiar along with the hustle and bustle of late London nights. I see the London Eye twisting in the distance. Big ben is tolling. The venue comes into view a few streets away. I'm dreading it slightly. I feel as if I'm not going to cope this time seeing that ever-so-familiar face. It's as if with each passing month, he gets better looking. It should be crime. I'll probably melt when I see him.

I instead focus on seeing Josh and my excitement for seeing the gig. They've all really improved over the years. They really know how to put on a good show. Adrenaline rushes through my veins. It'll be fine. Surely.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" Robyn takes notice of me fiddling with my earrings. It's become some nervous habit. I find a comfort in twiddling the crystals between my fingers.

"A bit," I say. Honest. "What if he finds out? We'll surely get piss-drunk. What if he only wants to be mates?"

"Lia, darling, you've got to stop overthinking it. After hearing all these stories you've told me, it sounds like he likes you a lot," she says, grinning. "I'll tell you if I see any looks passed or anything suspicious, okay?"

"You're the best." I give her a hug, forgetting for a moment about the crowded streets around us. Robyn hugs are always too good to be true. I sometimes forget how unbelievably short she is and how she tries to suffocate me with her arms.

Just as we're about to continue down the endless streets, I see someone running past us. I barely even realise he's passed me until Robyn points him out. I see long, curly hair and a massive case swung over his shoulder. Bobby. Then, he turns to face us. Blue eyes catch me off guard then a massive grin. He seems to question whether he should stop or get to the venue. He's very late.

"Is that the bassist?" Robyn wonders. "Robert?"

"That's me," he says, retracing his steps. His mullet has gone all messy in the autumn wind. He's trying to swipe away a few stray hairs from out of his face. "Hey Dally. Who's this?" He points towards my friend with a lazy smile.

"This is Robyn. My roommate. She's the one who accidentally stepped on a pigeon."

"Ah." He then turns into his bird lover mode. "How could you do that to a poor, helpless bird? How could you? Can't believe you're called Robyn. That's a disgrace. Wish I was called Robyn. Or sparrow. Or some kind of bird. God, do I love birds—"

"Okay, Robert. We get it," I interrupt with a finger in the air. He crosses his arms over his chest, pouting. Robyn is laughing at his angered demeanour. He always puts on this irritated-sarcastic face in moments like this. He looks like a child after stepping on lego.

"Aren't you late?" Robyn asks the blue-eyed boy. His phone has been pinging with notification throughout the few minutes they have been walking together. He seems to be a little stressed. I have to almost run to keep up with this speed of impossibly long legs.

We approach the venue. It's a huge, pretty rundown building which strikes out in stark contrast to the fancy buildings around it. The words 'Inhaler:tonight' are written on a chalkboard beside the entrance. The place really matches the band for some reason. There's a queue of fans outside. A lot of them are sat down on the pavement. They scream at the sight of the bassist, piling around him. Phones are being held up to take pictures of him.

"Sorry guys, I've got to get inside. Thank you for coming," Robert mumbles.

Robyn and I act as body guards, preventing anyone from getting too close. Banners have been dropped onto the ground, passersby glance over in confusion. There's colourful cowboy hats covered with jewels everywhere. That music video really drove the world crazy. It definitely drove me crazy. I probably make up at least half of the views.

The majority of the crowd continue to take photos. Some say 'Oh my God, that's Josh's sister!' I give them a smile whilst simultaneously pushing Robert forwards.

We finally get to the back door. The gathering give up after a while. They go back to the queue, attempting to slot in to their previous place.

"Well, doors haven't opened yet so you can't be that late," I remark. The front doors are still locked.

"I'm missing sound check though."

I hear music booming quietly through the walls. I open the door, pressing down on it with fingertips. It creaks open to a long corridor with white plastered walls. It smells of fresh paint. The light is barely even attached to the ceiling. It looks like some horror film scene. Creepy.

But then Josh comes around the corner. His guitar is slung over his chest and his face lights up to reveal a huge smile that I've always adored. He's taller than the last time I've seen him. He runs straight towards me, engulfing me with his arms. I'm uncomfortably pressed against his guitar but I couldn't care less. I'm so glad I came. I missed him so much.

Robert slides past us and Robyn awkwardly stands in the doorway. I introduce her to my brother. He gives her a hug as well. She seems to enjoy this whole situation a lot. She's getting all loud and giddy.

The rest of the band are still playing through songs. They're running through 'Dublin In Ecstasy'. Elijah's voice is echoing through the entire building, sliding it's way through my skull. There's a part of me that wants to turn back. I could just make my way back to my apartment, have a cup of coffee and stalk Twitter accounts of people who went to the show. I definitely haven't been doing that for the past few months. I'm not that insane. Or obsessed.

"Do you want to listen to sound check or hang out back stage?" Josh asks us. He's been talking to Robyn, getting to know her and she seems to like him, thankfully. It'd be downright awkward if she hated his guts.

"I'll follow you," Robyn says to Josh. She starts to traipse down the corridor. I watch her curls bounce from side to side as she jumps with every step. She suddenly realises that she's left me behind. "You coming?"

I groan, staring at the door. "Yeah. Fuck it."

I pick up my camera in preparation. I've been using the same one for years. It's got stickers all over it. Some of random bands, some from different countries and little letters spelling out my name. Elijah had bought me a few pages of letters of the alphabet as a birthday present when I turned 15. I still remember that day. We were all huddled inside my living room after being drenched by a sudden storm. There were about fifteen of us, including the band. The fireplace before us was the only source of light in the darkened room. I think I was dating Ryan at that point. That was a strange time. He was sweet. It only lasted a couple of weeks. Elijah had a girlfriend too. Younger me was very jealous. I think that's what made me realise I liked him.

Now, fast forward eight years and my heart is beating in my ears like I'm a teenager all over again.

I allow Robyn to go first. I trail behind. Josh has left us to our own devices and we try to figure out where exactly we're supposed to go. We decide to follow the sounds of music booming. Closer and closer. We go down a staircase, open a door then we're right at the stalls, just beneath the stage. The door crashes so loudly that all of the band stop playing. They all peer down at us.

The band name 'Inhaler' is upon the wall and coloured lights paint the stage. This room is a lot nicer than the exterior. There's a standing area then seats up along the top. The walls are painted a deep shade of crimson with gold lines intricately painted everywhere. It's too good to be true. It feels so weird being at one of their gigs again. It feels even weirder to see all of them in the same place at the same time.

I trace my gaze along the stage. I take a quick glance at Josh who is tuning his guitar, then Ryan who's staring at us with wide eyes. I shift my eyes a little further to see Elijah. He's dropped his mic at the sight of us. I take notice of the length of his hair. It's falling over his eyes, a mess of curls shrouding his face. He's wearing a white vest top and a bulky blazer which is holding onto his shoulders for dear life. I can't see him very well from here. What I can see is the complexity of his gaze. The way he's looking at me is making me nervous. I take a deep breath.

"Dahlia?!" Ryan calls out. He drops his drumsticks similarly to Elijah.

"Surprise?" I say. I thought Josh had told them I was coming. "Wait, did Josh not tell you?"

Elijah picks up the microphone from the ground, not taking his eyes away from mine. "Josh, you gobshite. I thought she was coming next week," he says into the mic, words jumping through my ears. I hate how warm his voice is through those speakers. It's sickening.

"Well, I'm not complaining." Ryan jumps down from the stage, giving me and Robyn a hug. It's a group hug where we're all squashed together. He's grinning from ear to ear.

"You're still short," I say. I can still look down on him, especially with my chunky boots. He rolls his eyes.  "This is Robyn." I introduce my roommate to both Ryan and Elijah.

"Nice to meet you," Elijah murmurs as he jumps off the stage. He's left the mic on the stand. He's pushing his hair from his face.

Robyn gives me a look, raising an eyebrow in the direction of Elijah. She's got a malevolent smile. What's she going to do? Maybe I shouldn't have brought her.

"I've heard all about you." Robyn gives Elijah a little wink. I kick the back of her leg .

His lip raises the slightest bit. I find myself staring at his mouth for far too long. There's stubble lining his chin and a splatter of freckles on his cheeks. "Have you, now?" His low voice drifts through the air. He's maintaining eye contact with me. I'm trying to evade his gaze.

"She's exaggerating." I assure him, trying to stop myself from giving Robyn another thwack.

"Eli! We have like 5 minutes until door opens and Dublin In Ecstasy is a mess. Get up here. You can swoon later." Robert is already playing the introduction to the song. Ryan and Josh join in.

"Swoon?" Eli shakes his head with a grin.

"We're just that amazing," Robyn whispers to me.

I hold up my camera, taking a picture of the three lads on stage. Then I point it at Elijah. I take a few of his confused face before he leaves us to sing along to the music.

"He's whipped." Robyn watches as he climbs back onto the stage. "Likes you so much he can barely even function-" She points out how he can't even plug his guitar in. He's been trying to shove the lead in for a while but his eyes are wandering elsewhere. "You've got to say something to him. He's leaving tomorrow, isn't he? Maybe tonight.."

I breathe in. "Alright. I'll try."

Robyn and I hum along to the tune. Elijah's rough vocals make my mind go cloudy. He sounds so much crisper in person. I think back to the cuts and bruises vinyl on my shelf. Robyn had bought it the day it came out. Josh sent me every version possible. Robyn went on about supposedly being 'the first person in the world who bought it'. She said she saw the record in HMV and instantly thought of me. We had stayed up late that night to listen through each track. Eating popcorn, drinking alcohol, talking about random shit. That was when I told her everything about Elijah. From the schoolgirl crush, to the trying to forget him then to the full-blown infatuation. She enjoyed listening to every detail I had to offer.

Elijah continues singing. I'm holding my breath, my palms are sweaty, I feel my heart pulsing at my throat. Robyn is swaying to each beat of the drums. Elijah won't stop looking at me.

Then the song ends and we all tun backstage, in an attempt to evade the incoming fans. I hear shouts echoing in the distance. We've gathered in a little room backstage. Josh is showing me some fancy chocolates he bought in Rome. I'm taking pictures of the band members. Robyn keeps photobombing. I rest my head upon the armrest of the sofa, closing my eyes. It feels nice. Calm. Until, someone settles beside me. They grab my legs so that they can properly sit down. The hands are cold and fingertips are calloused. That someone is Elijah. "Excited for the show?"

He's got his pre-show drink in one hand and his phone in the other. I close my eyes once again.

I shift around in the soft cushion attempting to get into a more comfortable position. He scoffs and pulls my legs up by the ankles to rest them over his thighs. "I know you're tired," he says. He takes a sip of his drink. "But if you dare fall asleep during the show, I will throw my guitar at you." I move my legs around his thighs then actually raise my head to look at him. I take a picture as he makes a stupid face. I don't know how he can do that whilst still looking pretty.

"Is this comfortable?" I ask. He's been very still. "I can move if you want."

"It's nice... fine," he mumbles as he scrolls through messages on his phone. "Reminds of that music lesson. Must've been our first year of secondary school. You fainted after some practice test we did. We were sat in this exact position for at least an hour. I think my legs stopped working."

I try to bring my head back to the memory. He was so different back then. Shorter hair, insanely asthmatic. He only knew me as Josh's twin sister. Somehow that was enough for him to stay there with me and keep me safe. After that, he had some complex where had to look after me with his life. It was charming.

"I had to kick you about nine time because you feel asleep, " I recall. My mind is wandering through moments I can barely even remember. "You were so strange."

"I could've left you there in the practice asleep. You should be thanking me for saving you from embarassment-"

"Why, thank you. Oh how you've changed my entire life. I owe you all that I have."

He shakes his head, squeezing the skin at the bottom of my ankle. He then rests his hand there. As if it's normal. He's still reading through messages, biting the top of the plastic cup.

"When do you lot go on then?" I ask everyone.

Robyn has started drawing eyeliner onto the other boys. She just pulled it out of her pocket randomly and asked if they wanted her to do it. They've filed into a queue. She's done some graphic liner on Bobby with little stars that makes his bright eyes pop out all the more.

"Ten minutes." Ryan is putting some hair gel through his hair. He puts some music on using a bluetooth speaker they placed in the corner. Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckley comes on. I'm trying to stop myself from falling asleep but it's getting harder with each passing second.

"I'm so excited," Robyn says as she does Josh's eyeliner. She's made his more smudgy and messy. It suits him a lot.  "Elijah, should I do yours? Or Dahlia can do it?" She passes the tube towards me. There's some malicious intent behind her eyes. I narrow my eyes down to the black contraption, taking it uneasily between my fingers.

He lays down his phone and drink. He's trying to push all the hair out of his face to give me some access to his eyes. I kneel down on the sofa beside him. I grab a hair bobble from my wrist then tie the top half of his hair up. He groans as I pull some strands way too hard then relaxes into my touch. He smells like cigarette smoke and cologne.

"How should I do it?" I wonder out loud. I've opened the tube and I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about this. He looks like his teenage self with his hair like this. His eyes are maintaining a hard eye contact as I near him. There's a warmth rising to my face.

Robyn pulls out her phone and shows me a picture of Rodrick Hefley. I snort. "Try it like that," she says.

Elijah closes his eyes as I begin to draw little lines then smudge. I've grabbed his chin to keep him in place. I can feel the sharp stubble poking at my fingers. He opens his eyes every now and then. They're half-lidded, watching. I poke his eye by accident. I scold him for opening his eyes. He decided to instead keep them closed.

I admire my work once I've done. It's not my best liner but it's alright. The other boys gather around to get a look at him. His hazel eyes come into view and he smiles widely at the sight of us all. "Does it look good?"

"Looks class," Ryan says as he grabs a mirror. The other boys nod along.

Elijah looks at himself. He seems to not know if he likes it or not. He smiles at me and says, "Thanks, love."

I just smile back, pulling out the bobble from his hair. An unruly splatter of curls cascade across his forehead. There's something about him wearing eyeliner that's stopping me from thinking straight. It's different. I'm still sat half on top of him, one knee resting on his thigh and the other on the sofa. He helps me off of him then stands up.

He ruffles his hair as he says, "Let's get going lads."

The four boys grab everything they need for the show. Water bottles, instruments, drumsticks, their sanity. They all give each other a group hug. It must be some pre-show ritual because they all down their drinks at the exact same time. If that wasn't planned, it was uncanny.

"Good luck." I wave them off and they travel down the corridor in a straight line. As each of them walk out, I take a picture. Elijah is the last to leave. He stops in the doorway, still holding his plastic cup. He raises his lip to reveal his white teeth as I take the picture. He really enjoys making the strangest faces.

"If you don't get our best angles, I'll have to think about firing you." Elijah warns me just before he turns around. He then disappears down to another asylum-like corridor before I can get a chance to insult him. I let out a breath.

"That went well, right?" Robyn's trying to figure out what's going through my head. I can't even comprehend anything that just happened. The feel of his hand still lingers at my ankle. "That whole time you were talking to Josh about those chocolates, he was staring you down. It was pretty creepy, to be honest." She laughs. "Don't even get me started on the eyeliner. All of us felt like total third wheels."

"Sorry," I say. I play around with the bobble at my wrist. It had been wrapped around those glorious curls only moments ago. "God, I'm so in love it hurts."

"That's how I felt when I started liking Emmy. Literally all I could think about was her." Robyn is in a daze, eyes glued to the wall. "You need to do something before it's too late."

"After the set, I will tell him." I finally accept my fate. I could possibly not see him until next year. Or the year after. Who knows how busy I could get?

"Good," Robyn says. "I'm tired of hearing Elijah this Elijah that. Girl, I get it."

"You had an Emmy this Emmy that phase. Don't even start."

She frustratedly sighs. "Come on. I think they're going on."

I hear the crashing of drums reverberating through every wall, every floorboard. Slowly, we approach the main room. The bodyguard lets us through to the wings of the stage. I can see all the crowd from this angle. There are phones, cowboy hats and banners littered through the crowd. Some of the audience are people we had seen when Bobby was surrounded. They're screaming at the sight of the band.

The first song they play is These Are The Days. I keep my camera handy through every song. Elijah takes notice of us standing there. He steals a glance at us when he has a chance to breath. He's singing a lot stronger than I'd ever seen online.

Then they play through a few more songs on the new album. I sing along, I dance, I try not to get blinded by the flashing lights. Then all of a sudden they've finished playing Love Will Get You There and he turns to look right at me.

"This next song..." His words are pretty slurred. He's drunk. "This is an old one. I wrote this when I was about 17. There was this girl at my school who I just liked so much— I couldn't even focus in class. I played it to her once we'd got it perfect and she had not a single clue that it was about her. She still doesn't. It's been six years and I've never told her." He pauses and looks at me. "This is for you."

I'm overwhelmed by emotion. I raise an eyebrow at him. He just starts strumming along with his guitar. That's when I realise he's playing I Want You. They'd played that song to me in Elijah's garage. I asked him who it was about. He lied and said it was about his ex-girlfriend. I never thought twice about it. I never listened to it because it made me sick to my stomach that it was about her. A girl who I had been so jealous of.

"You got your lipstick on..." He starts singing. He's literally pointing at me. The crowd looks confused. They can't see me.

"Oh, Jesus," Robyn exclaims. "Oh, wow. I can't believe this. He's fucking confessing! Dally, I'm so happy for you right now. What the hell!"

Robyn is just as shocked as I am. We're both slack-jawed, wide-eyed yet caught in a silence as the song goes on. The crowd sings along with each and every line. The other members of the band have caught on with what is happening. They all seem to be pretty proud. Especially Josh. He's smiling so big it's making me smile too.

The truth is, I don't want the song to end. Or the show. I just want this moment to drag on forever. It all feels too good to be true.

The song finishes, the lights switch off, the crowd screams. I'm left in the darkness. Robyn is holding onto my side for dear life. The only thing illuminating the world around us is a tiny light bulb above us. My eyes start to get used to the darkness. I see a figure approaching.

"Can you come with me?" It's Elijah. His cheeks are tinged a shade of bright red. There's sweat lining his throat and his chest. He's taken off the blazer and has slung it over his shoulder. The eyeliner has bled down a little.

"Yeah..." I'm exasperated. My throat is raw from singing so much. My brain can barely process what is happening around me. My hands want to reach out and hold him close to me.

He grabs my hand, pulling me down through a corridor. We're both running towards the back door. I'm trying to match his pace but his longer legs give him an unfair advantage.

We finally reach the exit. He opens the door for me, allows me to pass through then shuts it. I'm met by London streets. Brick walls, crooked alleyways, a rubbish bin. It's not particularly romantic. But, with him standing there in front of me, it becomes the most romantic place on Earth.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like that," he admits. "I just couldn't stop thinking about you when you left. I was going to tell you at the airport when you were about to leave Dublin. So that you could think it through without us seeing each other every day. Then I got fucking terrified."

"I was going to tell you then too." I press my back against the wall. He's pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He offers me one. I let it rest between my lips. "I had plucked up some courage after I went to the toilet but then I sat beside you and forgot the whole script I'd planned out in my head. That was a pretty awkward five minutes. Felt like a century."

"We're idiots, aren't we?" He says as he lights his cigarette. "Josh has always known. I don't know how he never told you. He's great at keeping secrets. Six years of keeping his mouth shut. I don't know how he has that much self control."

"Six years?" I blow out a puff of smoke into the air. My eyes wander across the star covered sky. The moon is looming and watching us.

"I know." He's blushing again. He's trying to keep his distance from me, leaving a slight gap between us. "I'm pathetic."

"I liked you for longer."

"What?"

"Eight years. Since the day you started dating the blonde girl." I feel stupid saying it out loud. He's laughing at me.

"That's class."

We stand there in silence just looking at each other. I can hear ambulance sirens and birds calling. The brick walls is hard against my back. My shoes are covered in water from standing in a puddle. I can imagine that there's a camera above us. This could be a scene straight out of a film.

"Are you going to kiss me then?" Some sudden burst of confidence brings those words from my lips.

He's taken aback. His eyes fall down to my mouth. He then takes a step closer. I can feel his breath at my cheeks.

"Do you want me to?" His voice goes all low and his accent gets thicker. His hand reaches up to cup my cheek. Metal presses against my cheekbone. His thumb lazily draws a line across my bottom lip. His words hang in the air. "Dahlia, my love. Do you—"

I press my lips to his. I can't hold back anymore. I can taste the smoke on his tongue. His mouth is minty and his lips are soft. I've imagined this moment countless times. In a bookstore, in a train station, in the garage. But, this is perfect. Perfect.

My fingers sink into his hair. He groans into my mouth as I pull a few strands at the back. His thumb is sliding across my cheekbones. He's dropped the cigarette to instead use his other hand to clutch my waist. My hands are at his chest. His heart is beating incredibly fast. He holds me tight against him until I feel his chest rise and fall. Up and down. Breathing in and out.

We hear voices behind us. He pulls away quickly. We both turn to see a group of fans. They're teenagers and they're all dressed in bright outfits. They didn't see anything but they seem rather suspicious, whispering.

"Eli! Oh my God!! Can you take my BeReal please?" One of them shouts over.

Elijah runs his fingers over his lips. His ears are a pink shade. He slides his hand away from my waist.

"Yeah, sure!" He approaches the three girls with a small smile. He's trying to act normal. "I love your hats." He points at the 3 cowboy hats which spell out the word 'Inhaler' when they're all stood side-by-side.

"Thank you so much!" The darker haired girl passes him her phone. "Your eyeliner looks so good. You should do it like that more often."

"I had a grand makeup artist." He winks. I roll my eyes.

"Could Dahlia be in it?" The girl with glasses notices how I've awkwardly shifted to the side.

"Course she can," Elijah says.

I stand in the frame next to Elijah as he holds up the phone. His lips are red after being stained by my lipstick. I drop my head onto his shoulder and close my eyes. He nestles his face into my hair as he takes the picture. We're both giggling like lunatics.

I'm so glad it happened like this.

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Extremely long vent under the cut

I am so fucking over everything. I feel like I just doubled back to my starting line. I feel like I played the game and failed fucking spectacularly. Like. Worst you could possibly do. The fact I'm back to being with my mom and being single makes me feel like an eighteen year old kid again. I feel like a loser and I genuinely want to die. I don't think texting the crisis text line two days in a row is a good sign. My entire life has fucking gone to shit and I'm genuinely so fucking over it.

All I've ever wanted out of life was to tell my silly lil stories and marry a woman who loves me as much as I love her but you can't have shit in this economy. This is genuinely fucking insane. I cannot BELIEVE what has happened to me. I genuinely never in a million years thought my life would ever look like this. Life threw me a curveball and knocked my teeth clean out. It's so fucked. I think I might actually kill myself, I'm genuinely so fucking over this. I tried to be strong and be resilient and all I'm alive for is to see my life fall completely the fuck apart. I want out. I'm done. I've never been a strong fighter or whatever the fuck. I cry at images of trees that have light shining in between the branches.

I'm not a soldier and never have been but I've been fighting anyway and I'm *tired*. I don't want to fight anymore. And for fucking what?? Some stupid dream of grandeur? A woman that will never come into my life? I've always loved people more than they loved me. I'm not going to find princess charming or whatever the fuck. It's not happening. Something is fucked within me. I'm too sensitive or too idealistic or fucking SOMETHING because holy fucking shit. I am so fucking done. For fucking real. I want out. I want to be gone. I wish guns weren't so expensive and people knew what happened after death because holy SHIT, I am so fucking over it. I cannot live like this. It's fucking over for me. I actually thing 23 is a perfect age to know if you want to kill yourself. I wanted to at eighteen but didn't, but Holy fucking crap I think I knew better then. I didn't do it because I wanted to see what would happen and fucking LOOK. This is what I stayed alive for?? Fucking THIS ????

And I can't fucking believe that when I asked my (now ex) gf of five years if she wanted to marry me, she fucking said "I THINK SO" girl, are you fucking fr right now. Five fucking years. I need you to be locked and fucking loaded. But whatever. I realized I wouldn't want to be with someone who placed me so low on the priority list. But whatever. Whatever. I feel like God stripped me of all my fucking stats. I'm gonna kill myself for real. I can't take this shit, y'all, I fucking can't. I can't believe I'm back in my hometown and I have to constantly watch my back because god fucking FORBID I run into anyone from high school and they see me and what I've become. I will actually kill myself on the spot, I can't handle that. And Jesus fucking CHRIST, I cannot fucking believe I'm living back with my mom. I fucking hate that woman and could go the rest of my life without ever talking to her again. Jesus fucking christ. And having to live with her stupid boyfriend. Fuck him. No he didn't do anything to me but I had a dad and don't need to be out here saying "my mom's boyfriend" how fucking cringe are you kidding me. I played the game and I failed SPECTACULARLY.

Holy fucking fuck, bro. I can't believe this shit. Seriously. Fucking seriously. You gotta be kidding. Youth really is wasted on the young because what do you mean I'll be 25 in 2 years and barely started anything. How incredibly fucking pathetic. Holy fuck. There are sixteen year old kids on Broadway and shit and I'm what? Struggling to get a degree because my dad died in my second year and it wrecked my progress?? It wrecked me so bad that my mom had me move back in for health reasons?? Are you fucking serious??? This is what my fucking life is right now? I can't fucking believe it. I'm gonna be policed constantly. I just know it. And I'll never feel comfortable in this house. And they didn't even bother to clean even though they fucking said they would. God, Jesus fucking christ y'all, I have zero hope. Optimist? Hopeful? Nope. Not me. Not any fucking more. This is it. I want to kill myself and I might actually do it because holy fucking shit WOW. This is insane. I did not stay alive at eighteen for this ridiculous shit. Unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. I have no hope anymore. I'm done. I'm so fucking done.

I fucking tried. Extremely hard. It wasn't good enough and I'm finished fr. I can't keep taking shit like this. I wasn't built for it fr. 5 years (18 to 23) feels like a long enough waiting period. I'm done.

[02chois]

FAIRY OF SHAMPOO ✧ bunny duo unite

pairing: idol au! soobin x fem! reader

summary: soobin found his own fairy of shampoo. the one that makes him smile whenever they show up on screen, and even manages to brighten up his day whenever he's upset. but this feels a little familiar, isn't it? he hopes it won't be like the song they released. he wants to be able to face the fairy that casted a spell on him without the screen between them.

word count: 1k words

content warning: written + texts, k word, profanity

author's note: I like this chapter a lot 🥹 please tell me what you think! feedback is always appreciated 🫶

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You sat down in front of the phone, your face inches away from the screen as you tried to read every single comment. But to no avail the auto scroll was too fast and eventually you gave up reading everything.

"Photo time? Okay, last photo time before I go!"

You backed away until you could see your whole body on the screen, you sat with your legs crossed on the floor and did several different poses. A peace sign, apple heart, and bunny ears using your whole hand on each side of your head. A giggle escaped your lips when you caught a comment from one of your members.

"It's not cringe when I'm doing it! And I'm not an old lady," you rolled your eyes, "just because I'm the oldest doesn't mean I'm ancient."

The comments were panicking and having a field day from your poses. Most of them were calling you cute and half were crying emojis. An amused smile curled on your lips, you've done your part and they found you cute. Does he think you're cute, too? You lowered your gaze and remained quiet. The soft humming of the centralized air-conditioner filled the room. Why were you even thinking about him at this time? It could've been later when you're not live and thousands could see your expression right now. The last thing you want is for Bunnies to get worried about you.

The sound of the door opening snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned your head to the door behind you, and thankfully whoever walked in couldn't be seen on the screen.

"Oh shi— I'm so sorry," his voice, however, was loud enough for them to hear.

Your eyes widened when he locked eyes with you. He was panicking and wasn't sure what to do as he stood there on the side frozen. You gave him a thumbs up and a reassuring smile before turning back to the screen.

"I'll see you guys later! And yes, I promise that I'll post later for the ones saying that I've been inactive." You waved your hand and used your free hand to press the end live button. The screen displayed the total watchers you had and the hearts you got throughout the past two hours.

"All set. You're free to roam the room!" You took the phone from the stand and turned it off. You plan to give it to one of the staff later on.

Soobin took a brief glance at you before he made his way to the bundle of bags from across the room. You watched him from the center of the practice room with a small smile. The shuffling of duffle bags and your calm breathing filled the room, his sneakers squeaking ever so often as he turned to fetch another pair of shoes from below the speakers.

There was nothing but silence, but the both of you preferred the comfort in the stillness of the room.

The sound of paper tearing made you look at him with confusion across your face. You walked over to where he was but not close enough that you could bump into him, instead you reached for your bag and arranged the clothes you used for practice. You tried to take a peek at what he was doing, but his height alone cannot be conquered. You couldn't look over his shoulders nor do you have the ability to see what he was writing anyway.

Once he was finished, he placed the pen down. He let out a breath before turning to face you, clearing his throat to get your attention. "Can we exchange numbers? It's okay if you don't want to, that's absolutely fine with me—"

"Yeah, sure!" You cut him off.

How could you say no when he's so adorable. He was so nervous, too. The look of shock remained on his face as you tore a piece of paper from the notebook, you wrote your number and other info before turning to face him.

You extended your hand, "here's mine." He took the paper from your hand as you did the same.

Soobin felt like he was dreaming. It was as if he was standing on clouds and that one wrong step could make him fall and wake up from this dream. It was that easy, yet he had to do drastic measures like shoving paper in your sandwich. But it was Beomgyu's idea and it didn't work. If only he knew confronting you about exchanging numbers was this easy he could've done it way earlier.

The note you gave him has your number and a cute little doodle of a bunny right next to a short note. It says 'bunny duo unite.'

You're so cute.

"Thank you," you let out a light laugh, "you are too."

Soobin's ears were flushed red. He couldn't believe he just said that out loud and in front of you on top of that. The warmth spreads throughout his cheeks to the back of his neck, he wants to hide away from you. Why do you do this to him? The effect you have on him is dangerous. The urge to pinch your cheeks was strong, he wants to hug you and shower you with kisses so bad. He wants to be with you and see you smile. He wants to be the reason why you're smiling. You're his sunshine, his fairy of shampoo.

"I… uh, have to keep going. I still have practice with the others. I'll see you." Soobin gave you a shy smile, his dimples visible as he did so.

You watched as he grabbed his things and quickly made his way towards the door, and once the door was closed you collapsed on the floor. Your legs felt like it was giving up and it felt like it was jelly the whole time you talked to the blond. You swear that you stopped breathing for a moment when he was near you. A deep sigh escaped you, closing your eyes as you tried to calm yourself.

Your heart was pounding against your chest. If he was close enough, he could possibly hear the pounding of your heart and it would only double your embarrassment. The feign confidence was only a show so that he wouldn't feel like he was doing something wrong.

Now, you have to get home and tell the others about this. And surely they're going to be proud of you.

TAGLIST: @dakota-04 @captivq @sserafimez @openingssequence @luvsoobs @cursedcursives @hueninv @storminacloud @fatoompie @lvrjjun @goldennika @niccoverse @eundiarys @aestheticsluut @spritin @silvsie @ttyunz @joti17 @spagettae @softcabur @ghyulia @wonyoungsvirus @lcv3lies @ilik3milfsl0l @hueneve @fanfangying1304 @adajoemaya @soobsdior @loveradhikabloggerworld @thepencilkorner @curly-fr13s @invusblog @stepout-09-15 @shysakuno @i520sn @floweryongs @rosabella1009 @itspalaly @boba-beom

[galaxyfever]

❥ everything is about you and I

Suna Rintaro x gn!reader (assuming your height is shorter than Suna's)

your guys' relationship from the eyes of others.

a/n: this is kinda cringe ig but it has been in my drafts for so long i had to get this out.

"You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel."

Kita observed.

He observed as Suna furrowed his brows, "What's taking them so long? I knew I should've gone with them."

Atsumu scoffed, "Well, y're the one who said 'I'm not paying for these hungry gorillas.'"

Suna rolled his eyes, "And I stand by it. I don't want to empty my wallet on you guys."

Atsumu dramatically gasped, "That is so mean-"

"We're back!"

You and Osamu hand the guys their respective onigiri they ordered as you mockingly pouted at Suna, "Aw, sorry Rin-tan, we forgot about yours- OUCH! SORRY! Geez, learn to handle a joke, Rin."

He took a big bite as he shrugged, "I'll learn it after I've extinguished my hunger"

You rolled your eyes, but not wanting to provoke him even further, you latched onto his arm instead, "It's so cold~"

A small smirk came on Suna's lips as he looked down on you, "Then stop dressing like a thot."

Your eyes widened as you scoffed, clearly offended, "We both clearly know who is the thot in this relationship."

Kita slightly furrowed his brows as he whispered, "What's a thot?"

Osamu let out a disappointed sigh, "Please don't say that word ever again, Kita-san."

Kita continued to observe as despite the bickering between the two of you, Suna shared his onigiri as you did the same, continuing to talk about garden hoes and female dogs (?)

Suna makes another condescending remark as everyone bursts out laughing, but you had a sheepish smile on your face as you looked up at him, "Wait- sorry, I didn't get it, Rin."

And even Kita can feel the love radiating from Suna when he playfully rolls his eyes and explained the joke. He practically had heart eyes as you paused for a second, before bursting out laughing, clutching his arm so you don't fall over.

Yes.

Suna was in love.

Osamu observed.

He observed as Suna frowned, scrolling through his phone, "Um... Can I be excused for a moment?"

Their coach furrowed his brows, "For what?"

Suna inhaled as he rubbed his nape, "My cat is hospitalized because she is depressed. I want to cry. Alone."

Atsumu's eyes slightly widened, "Aw, man, I'm so sorry. Do ya want a hug? I didn't even know that ya had a cat-"

Suna just smiled and patted his shoulder, walking past him, "No."

Atsumu nodded to himself, clearly dejected, "Okay."

Osamu sighed and bowed to the coach, "I'll go and see if he is alright."

He stepped outside the gym, almost calling out to Suna before he saw you crashing into him, wrapping him in, what Osamu assumed, a bone-crushing hug.

Oh.

So, you were the cat.

A cat who was bawling their eyes out.

Suna caressed your head, "Shh, it's going to be alright. I'm here now. Let's go somewhere else"

Okay, long story short, as the president of the anime club, you proposed an idea for your club to the presidential board of your school, who completely derogated your idea, also belittled and made fun of you.

Now, if it was any other day with some other people, you would've roasted and chewed them then and there, but it was the presidential board, and your club was on the line, so... here we are.

"I don't know why it's getting to me but I just-"

Your own sob interrupts you as Suna clicked his tongue, "I told you they were gonna be brutal."

You sniffed as more tears rolled down your cheeks, "But I- I just wanted to- I'm sorry... If i have said something, they would've surely done something with the club."

He sighed, "Come here you big baby," he wrapped his arms around you and patted your head, "Don't be sorry, you have no reason to. But you have to understand that not everyone is going to swoon over your cute self like they should, some people are just gonna be mean without any reason. It depends on you how you decide to deal with them. Now, if you've calm down, we'll go beat them up."

You let out a small laugh, "Is this how you decide to deal with them?"

He pouted and wiped away your tears, "Well, if they are gonna hurt my baby, I'm gonna hurt them back."

And even Osamu could feel the love radiating off of you, as you started at Suna with heart eyes, as he rambled on and on with ideas about how he could get away with murdering people.

Yep.

You were definitely in love.

Aran observed.

He observed as you were shifting on your heels, humming and scrolling through your phone with one hand, and fidgeting with the strap of your bag with the other.

You waved at him as he walked over to you, "Hey, practice over already?"

He nodded, "Yeah, Suna's showering, will be out in 5."

You smiled, "Cool. Did Osamu leave?"

He shook his head, "Nah, he is still in there. Why?"

Sheepishly grinning, you batted your eyelashes, "I need to pay him, owe him for a meal."

"Oh, you owe a lot of-

You shushed him, "We don't talk about my crippling poor self. Let's talk about something else. Your tournament is next to next month right?"

Rolling his eyes, he nodded, "Yeah. But first, we need to pass our tests or we won't get to play."

You gasped in realization, "Great, I can score a study date with Rin, and I also know it's a stress reliever for him too," you fiddled with the strap of your bag, "well I know that Rin is not one stress over things like this but he is only human, and I have to complete our date quota before your practice gets severe as well, or I'll go crazy from the lack of attention."

"What are you guys talking about?" Suna sang as he slung his arm around your shoulder

You furrowed your brows and sniffed, "Wait Rin- Is that my bodywash?"

He shrugged, "I like the lavender smell."

"No, Rin! You know i don't like sharing body products!" Whining, you tried to pull away from him as he rolled his eyes, "Sharing is caring, do i have to teach you basic manners?"

You scoffed, "Manners? You're gonna teach me about manners? I bet you’re a slut who showers naked anyways."

Aran sighed and turned on his heels, spotting Kita as he jogged to him to go home together.

You guys were weird, and your comebacks were even worse.

Yeah.

Aran has never felt as single as of right now.

Atsumu observed.

He observed as Suna's eyes started searching the crowd as soon as they won the match.

Atsumu knew he was looking for you, but you were nowhere to be found.

Suna tch-ed in annoyance as Atsumu chuckled, "We have to thank the cheering squad."

Usually, every time Suna scored a point, his eyes searched for your's and happiness filled him as he matches your excited grin.

But,

this whole match was so intense, he couldn't help but feel guilty for not looking for you then and there.

You didn't join them when they offered you a ride, saying that you had to do something. He assumed you were gonna buy flowers to 'surprise' him, but...

Did you even come to this match?

Were you late?

Or were you busy elsewhere?

Atsumu rolled his eyes as he shook the shoulder of a zoned-out Suna, "Bow."

They all turned around after bowing to the crowd as Suna immediately spotted you near the gate, clearly out of breath.

He waved at you as you quickly waddled to him.

With a slight pout on your face, you handed him a bouquet of Daffodils with a kiss on the cheek, "Congratulations..."

Suna slipped an arm around your waist, "Daffodils?"

Your brows furrowed, "I thought these are called Narcissus?"

"It's the same thing."

"Google said they represent good luck, I was supposed to give you this before the match but I got stuck in traffic and missed the whole first set! I'm sorry..."

He rolled his eyes, "That's why I told you to come with us."

You furrowed your brows, "But I wanted to surprise you with flowers..."

He sighed and planted a kiss on your forehead, "Y/n, it's the 5th time. It's not a surprise anymore."

You just huffed and handed Atsumu your phone, "Can we do a different pose this time?"

Suna shook his head and pulled you closer, squishing your cheeks with his other hand, "Nope."

You just rolled your eyes and held up a peace sign as Atsumu laughed, "You look like an old married couple."

And Atsumu couldn't shut up about how cute you both looked with wide eyes and red cheeks in that photo.

In the end, he was in a dilemma.

Would he be attending the wedding from your side or Suna's?

thank you for reading<33

[demontime09]

Faded - chapter 3

.•°●°•.☆☆☆.•°●°•.

_____________________________________

I wake up, my mouth dry as fuck. I groan and sit up, my sheets are a mess, Chris's clothes on the ground. I sit for a second, rubbing my eyes, yawning, and it hits me.

Chris kissed me before he left. He held my hands, told me I did good, let me cuddle him, and then he..

He kissed me. And once again I am reminded that through everything, even with his problems and his troublesome actions, I know he cares about me. And that is enough for me to stay.

I get up, order breakfast, make coffee, and while eating I notice we never finished the joint. It's sitting in my ash stray completely put out. "That doesn't make sense. That was- that's his weed." I thought. I creep over and see, a note?? "Finish this off for me, ma. -C" I can't help but smile cheesily.

It's just like Chris to gift me leftover weed.

My phone chimes. It's my friend Eve.

"Theres a party tonight

at my place Char,

ur man might be there too"

"Thanks but I might skip"

Read 12:13

My shoulders slump. I always hate letting down my friends but partying with Chris means I'll have to take care of him and ill be anxious all night. Which isn't all bad, I do love making sure hes all right. I'd just rather pick him up and do it in my own home.

My phone chimes again.

"Cmon Char, we miss you."

I huff out a sigh, I miss them too.

"Okay you've

convinced me, what time?"

Chris's POV

I have 0 clue where I am. My eyes focus on the object in front of me. Furry.. gray, it squeaks. My face scrunches as I sit up, disgusted. UGH that's like the biggest rat I've ever seen in my life. I find my footing, the pounding pain in my head worsening. Where's Charlotte with a glass of water and medicine when I need her. Charlotte. Where is Charlotte? At home I assume. I feel my pants for my phone, it's not there. I panic for a second before I see it on the ground a few feet away.

It takes about 30 seconds for my eyes to focus on my phone and 30 more seconds for my thumbs to move across the screen. I'm definitely high.. when did I get high? I blink a bunch and as I'm about to call Char my phone chimes. It's my old friend Eve from highschool.

Eve

Chris come to my party tonight.

Char will be there.

Alr

Read 12:30

Oh god Charlotte, she's all I need right now.

She'll know what to do, I think as I stumble back to my car.

I call her as soon as I'm sat in the driver's seat.

"Hello?"

"You home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm coming over, I need some help ma."

And with that I hang up and almost speed to her house.

Before i get there, I pick up a bottle of rum and scotch, my favorites. Along with a huge can of pepsi. Why not start the party a little early?

I'm smart enough not to drink while driving, but as soon as I get into Charlotte's house I'm mixing my drink and chugging it to dull the pain in my head. She tiptoes out to me, looking as gorgeous as ever, but I'd never say that out loud.

I kiss her lazily on the temple. "Hey ma" "what do you need help with?" She immediately asks. Straight to the point, classic Char. "I jus' don't feel great and I need to be okay for that party tonight" I cringe at how needy I sound but Charlotte's eyes brighten immediately. "What kind of help?" She asks gently.

The alcohol must take affect very fast because before I know it my lips make contact with hers as my hand grabs the back of her head. I tilt it back to get a better angle as my other arm snakes around her waist, and then on her ass, and the back of her thighs. We smash against the fridge and she yelps on impact.

I pull back, nod toward the bedroom, my chest heaving. She looks a mess but it's so so hot. I take her hand and lead her there, where I spend the next 30 minutes inside her. She takes me from behind like she always does, I'm not an intimacy guy. And once I'm done she doesn't try to ask for aftercare or cuddle. She lays there for a short time before cleaning herself up, redressing, and waiting for my next move.

"Um, yk ma, I wish I could stick around but I-" "I know." She cuts me off. Her face neutral. "Alright, I'll see you at that party later then.." she smiles, her eyes tired. I leave quickly and for the 1 thousandth time, cuss myself out for not being different for her.

Authors note :3

Don't start complaining abt how the sex scene had no detail, there will be more. 😈😈

[starrgaziinggg]

DON’T LET ME LOVE YOU | hwang hyunjin

royal au | prince hyunjin x princess reader

PART ONE -> the code (7k words)

directory

"I think it's a code."

You turn slowly to the younger boy sprawled out on the sofa beside you, your eye twitching.

"I established it was a code sixteen minutes ago!" You whisper shout, trying not to make it obvious that you were scheming with your best friend. Jeongin throws his hands up in defeat, a cheeky grin plastering his face.

Hyunjin's third note had been delivered to you thirty minutes ago, yet you were still trying to decipher it. You'd even grabbed Jeongin from his duties of god knows what to read this damned note, yet he was also at a loss.

The first two notes Hyunjin had Minho send since his grand departure had been relatively easy to understand. He'd said he missed you, he was training well and he'd be home before you knew it. This one, however...it was causing you some issues.

The note read, "At late, I think of you, quarter to two, by the river and the Dew."

And that was it.

After rereading it over and over again, and even going as far as to flash a blue light on it in case of any invisible ink, you were stumped. You had no idea why he'd write something like that, especially when you couldn't write him back to ask him to explain what the hell he was talking about.

"I think the whole exchanging notes thing is dumb, anyway," Jeongin says with a tilt of his head, his bright blonde hair falling to the side as he inspected the note for a final time before putting it down on the sofa. "Cringe times a million."

"Will you ever quit with the Hyunjin hate train?" You groan, flopping against the back of the sofa in your bedroom. "He's done nothing to you!"

"He exists," Jeongin seethes, squinting his eyes. "That's enough to set me off."

You pick up the note again, reading it one last time before you decide to give up. Everything about the note seemed off, from the weird capitalisation to the poem itself. You just couldn't put your finger on why.

"And that Minho guy," Jeongin continues, unaware of the fact you were hardly listening to him. "He's a real piece of work. You know he stabbed me once?"

You roll your eyes, not bothering to look up at your best friend. "You punched him first, remember?"

"He punched me but with a knife!" The younger man counters, his eyes going wide.

"You tripped into him whilst he was holding a knife, it was just unfortunate that he was holding it in a way that pierced your skin."

Jeongin gives you a blank stare. "Okay miss 'I'll remember every detail of every encounter I've ever had', lay off," he whines, kicking his feet up onto the sofa and sprawling out. You scoff at him as he makes himself comfortable, the cogs in your brain turning at one hundred miles per hour.

Quarter to two? The Dew?

"And Hyunjin really needs to learn how to capitalise," Jeongin continues on his tangent. "Dew doesn't need a capital letter, the imbecile. Did he even go to school? Or did he spend his childhood stabbing people like Minho."

His comment makes you wonder something. Hyunjin was entirely the smartest person you'd ever met, save from maybe your older brother. He wouldn't capitalise a random word without it meaning something.

"Hold on, Jeong - pass me the two notes on top of my dresser?" You ask him, rolling your eyes when he scoffs and kicks up a fuss from the instruction. He fulfils it none the less, picking up the two carefully folded notes and handing them to you.

The first thing you noticed was that this third note was crumpled up, not neatly folded like the other two. You doubted Hyunjin would be pleased with Minho for that one, but then when you opened up the two old notes it was plain to see the difference between the two.

Whilst the handwriting on both was similar, there were clear differences. The most recent note was messier, less careful, and when you looked really closely, some of the letters had been written differently.

"Hyunjin didn't write this last note," you say cautiously, turning the new note in your hand. "Look, the handwritings different."

"Maybe he was just rushing to write this one before he left," Jeongin offers an explanation, but you shake your head.

"No, look at the way Hyunjin writes his lower case 'A' - he does that fancy thing at the top. I've genuinely never seen anyone outwith the royal families write their 'A's like that," you reveal, and he squints as he analyses the paper.

"Oh yeah," he says out loud, looking between the new paper and the old ones. "I definitely don't write mine like that. Another reason why Hyunjin's a freak."

You give your friend a deadpan expression. "I write my 'A's like that."

"And that's only okay because I like you," Jeongin says happily, sporting a huge grin. You ignore his comment, continuing your analyses of the notes.

"If Hyunjin didn't write it, Minho must have," you say. "The only person who knows to send me notes is him."

"How is he even sending you these without your father finding out? He inspects the Mail daily," Jeongin asks, tilting his head.

"Minho apparently has a 'friend' in the summer court, one of the mail boys - Felix, I think his name is," you shrug, explaining what Hyunjin had told you.

"That's surprising," Jeongin says, his eyes widening. "Minho seems the type to swear off any members of the Summer Court."

You shrug again, genuinely unable to offer Jeongin an explanation.

"So, if Minho wrote this, then what the hell does this code mean?" Jeongin ponders out loud. "To me, it sounds like some sort of meeting point."

You screw your eyebrows at him, wanting him to continue his theory. He shifts, holding the new note and pointing at the words.

"Look; a time, and a place. Quarter to two, by the river," he says, looking up at with a frown.

"You might be a genius," you say quietly, not wanting to boost his ego too much. "But where along the river? It runs through the whole damn Court."

Jeongin stays quiet, thinking, until you both look at each other.

"The Dew pavilion," you both say in unison. The pavilion was one of the oldest structures on your land, and it stood proudly next to the river that ran through the whole of both Kingdoms. It was quite near the border and was where you held the May Parade every year.

"Why didn't I think of that?" You mumble, impressed you'd managed to decode the message.

"Because it's weird as fuck. Why would Minho want to meet you at the Dew pavilion at quarter to two?" Jeongin questions, running a hand through his bright blonde hair.

"Who knows, but it must be important. He's never wanted to talk to me before," you point out, unable to ignore the sick feeling at the pit of your stomach.

"I'm sure your darling prince is fine," Jeongin says, as if able to read your thoughts. After spending almost every day together, he practically could at this point. "He's the strongest soldier in that army by miles."

"I know, I know," you sigh, tapping your feet against each other. "I just feel as though something really bad is happening."

By the way Jeongin stays silent, you know he's feeling the same way. Your best friend had a sharp tongued rebuttal for everything.

"I think our best bet is to find this Felix guy and ask him about the whole thing," Jeongin says, breaking his silence to put you at ease. "See if Minho said anything when he gave him the note."

"Yeah, but I have no idea who he is," you say, groaning. "He doesn't hand me the notes personally, just puts them in a lose brick at the back of the castle, so neither of us get caught."

"I might have an idea of who he is," Jeongin thinks out loud. "There was a Felix in the year above me at school, I wouldn't be surprised if it's the same guy."

"Well, I can get the route of the mail delivery from my dads office and we can see where he is right now," you say, picking up the notes as you stand up and placing the first two in your bedside table drawer. "He shouldn't be two far away, since I just got this note a half hour ago."

"Sure," Jeongin says, hauling himself off of your sofa. "It wasn't as if I was up to much today, anyway."

You turn to him, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, so I may or may not have been told to help set up the grand hall for the ball on Saturday with the servants, but fuck that. That's no job for a Royal Guard."

You roll your eyes at him. "Might I remind you, you're only a Royal Guard because I practically forced my father to give you the title to allow you permission to enter the palace at free will."

Jeongin scoffs, waving his hand. "I actually miss sneaking around. It's so boring now that I can come and go as I please."

You don't bother responding to him, knowing that he was more than grateful you'd managed to convince your dad to allow Jeongin to be deemed a Royal Guard. Jeongin had been trained in combat, and spent almost all his free time with you anyway, so there was no reason not to bestow the title to him.

You recount the times he'd have to scale the castle walls to tumble into your bedroom to see you when you'd been grounded back in the day, disallowed to enter palace grounds without a title - be that of a servant, maid or guard amongst others.

Your father isn't in the palace for the foreseeable, instead out gallivanting with his mistress of the minute, disguised as an 'important off-palace rendezvous.' It didn't matter much to you, as it meant you could retrieve the files you needed from his office with ease.

You'd picked the lock to his office numerous times, and as you shush Jeongin and use a hair clip until you hear the lock click, you thank yourself for learning the skill. You push your fathers office door open with ease, allowing Jeongin to enter behind you before pushing it shut again.

"Okay, let's make this quick before a guard catches us," you say quietly, silently walking over to his filing cabinet where you knew he kept all the mundane information about the going ons of his kingdom. Quickly, you turn to the 'm' section, finding the Mail route with ease.

You pull out the necessary file, flicking through the pages until you get to the page that has the time stamps and which corresponding area of the kingdom the mail is being delivered to at that time. Checking your watch, you notice it's 10:43am, so you find the time stamp.

"Valerie's Place," you read aloud the street name, dubbed that after your past Queen; your great (times however many) grandmother. "Then after that Farrow Crescent and Sloane's Avenue."

"We may as well go straight to Sloane's avenue and catch him there," Jeongin suggests, keeping his voice hushed. "By the time we get there, he'll probably already be there."

"True," you say, closing the file and replacing it before checking the coast is clear and heading back out onto the landing, re locking the door with the same hair pin and pulling Jeongin down the corridor. "Come on, we've got to hurry."

"Hurry where?" You hear as you collide into a large figure. Jeongin walks straight into the back of you, and you look up to see your older brother staring down at you.

"Nowhere of your concern, Chan," you respond, sticking your tongue out at him. He tilts his head at you, flicking you gently on the forehead.

"It is my concern. Since father's away, I'm in charge," he states proudly, as if it realistically means anything. Your brother and you had always been quite close, though he liked to reinforce his 'older brother' status often.

"Don't care, I'm going out," you say matter of factly, grabbing Jeongin's wrist and pulling him along behind you.

"Bye Chan!" You hear Jeongin yell from behind you, and you turn to throw him a nasty look. He'd always got on well with your brother, which drove you up the wall when he was annoying you.

The two of you weave through the flurry of servants bringing items into the large ballroom on the first floor of the palace after you rush down the grand set of stairs, trying to avoid getting scolded for running about in the palace. Jeongin follows close behind, opening the main door and holding it open for you to both exit out of.

"I hate balls," you say, unaware of how dumb it sounds until Jeongin bursts out laughing. You scowl at him, choosing to ignore his childish behaviour. "I have to attend every single one and dance with loads of icky guys."

"That's why I swoop in and save you," Jeongin beams, walking quickly down the stairs to the entrance of the palace and following you over the bridge to the main entryway. "But I won't be needing to do that anymore, now that you have your Prince Charming."

"He won't be at this ball," you remind him, an sense of sadness overwhelming you at the thought. "So you'll still have to save me."

"My rightful duty," he salutes you as you both continue walking through the palace courtyard until you reach the main village. The streets are filled since the sun is shining, and people greet you continuously as you pass them. You nod and smile politely as you walk, taking a turn at the top of the village which you knew would lead you to Sloane's Avenue.

Just as you suspected, you see the Mail boy up ahead, delivering letters to a cottage at the bottom of the avenue. You turn to give Jeongin a look.

"Is that the same guy from school?" You ask him, and he nods eagerly. You walk up to him cautiously, attempting not to startle him.

"Felix?" You question, watching him whip round at the sound of his name.

"Your highness," he says instantly, bowing due to customs. You smile politely at him in return. "What can I do for you?"

You take a deep breath before answering. "Sorry to interrupt you, I just have a couple questions about this," you say, pulling out the note and showing it to him. He reads it cautiously, screwing his face up. "I was wondering if Minho said anything when he gave the note to you?"

Felix seems to think for a minute, before nodding. "He said something about it being important, and he kind of seemed to be in a hurry to give it to me and leave again. Told me to deliver it as soon as I could."

You nod, thankful that you were on the right lines about the note and it's importance. "So Minho wrote it?"

"That's his handwriting," the blonde haired boy states, pointing towards the note in your hand.

"Sorry if this is too personal a question," Jeongin speaks up, after staying relatively quiet during the encounter. "But how do you know Minho in the first place?"

Felix looks between you and Jeongin, his shoulders slumping. "It's meant to be a secret, but we're cousins."

Your mouth almost gapes. Minho's family was known of a high status in the Winter Court, so the fact he shared family with the Summer Court is completely frowned upon.

"That's..." you start, unable to find the right words.

"Illegal, I know, but there's nothing that can be done now. His family has already renounced mine and my parents were imprisoned for years," Felix explains, a horribly sad look plaguing his face. You place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Im so, so sorry that happened to you," you say, and you hope he knows how sincere you are. If it was up to you, the whole situation between the two courts would have been made peaceful a long time ago. It was as if your father and Hyunjin's enjoyed carrying along the tradition of hatred between the courts.

"It's not your fault, princess," Felix says to you, and you feel Jeongin placing a hand on your arm.

"We should probably get going if we're to meet Minho at quarter to two," Jeongin says to you, leaning into your ear. You check your watch, the time displaying 12:04pm, and you realise he's right. You'd probably have to take horses to be able to meet Minho on time.

"Thankyou so much for your help," you say warmly to Felix, watching his blonde hair bounce as he nods his head. "I really appreciate what you're doing for me."

"It's no problem. Any friend of Minho's is a friend of mine," he smiles kindly, and you allow Jeongin to thank him as well before you turn on your heel to leave.

"That was informative," he says matter of factly, matching your quick pace as you follow the same route you took to get here. "Felix seems like a nice guy."

You hum, nodding. "Yeah, he does. At least we're on the right path."

Jeongin gives you a quizzical look. "Of course we're on the right path, this is the exact way we walked to come here."

You feel like pushing him over for his ridiculous comment, but you refrain. "I meant figuratively, dip shit. Anyway, the next plan is to get our horses and meet Minho at the pavilion."

Jeongin groans loudly as he walks. "I hate that damn horse. It always tries to force me off and never does what I tell it."

"Roger is not an it," you say, your tone full of disgust. "Yeah, okay he might be a bit more unwilling than the other horses, but-"

"Oh please," Jeongin cuts you off as you turn towards the palace stables, following the path through the meadow. "Your horse adores you!"

"That's because I treat Juniper with love and respect," you say pointedly, watching Jeongin roll his eyes at you. When you reach the stables, your beautiful hazelnut coloured horse greets you, pushing her nose into your hand to greet you. Jeongin has less of a nice interaction, his horse Roger not even looking in his direction as he approaches.

Jeongin sticks his arms out as if to say, 'see?', and you shrug in response, opening Juniper's gate and starting to saddle her up. It's not long until the two of you are riding easily towards the pavilion, racing each other through the woods. The trees start to dissipate and soon enough, you're in the open clearing, the large pavilion in sight. The two of you are pretty worn out from the long ride as you dismount from your horses, allowing them to graze freely in the surrounding areas knowing they won't go far.

When you check your watch, you're right on time.

Ten minutes later you check your watch again.

When there's still not a single sign of Minho after almost two hours, you give up. Jeongin had given up a long time ago, sitting cross legged on the grass and attempting to make the worlds longest daisy chain. You kick a rock in his direction, feeling defeated, as you stand up.

"Let's go," you sigh, grabbing your stuff and looking towards the direction of the Winter Court one final time. Jeongin stands up, brushing flowers and blades of grass off of himself.

"You've finally given up on Mr. Crack My Code?" Jeongin teases, stretching out his limbs. You push him gently, snickering as he stumbles backwards. "Did that make you feel better?"

You nod. Because it did, even if it was just a little bit.

"At least we got away from the palace for a day," Jeongin says as the two of you walk towards your horses in the distance. They're both grazing lazily by the river, enjoying what's left of the sunshine. "Minho's wild goose chase did grant us that much. Every cloud."

"It still seems off to me," you say, climbing back onto Juniper and beginning the slow journey back to the stables, Jeongin on your tail. Literally. "Maybe we got the code wrong?"

"I dunno," Jeongin sighs, equally as disspointed as you are, pulling his horse up so he's right beside you, falling into step with your pace. "I feel like it couldn't have meant anything else."

You don't respond, utterly defeated by the whole thing. Honestly, you'd been more than excited at the prospect of this small adventure, figuring out what was going on. Excitement dissolved your worry that the whole situation was a bad one, and now that you didn't feel that excitement anymore...

"If you want," Jeongin starts, noticing your foul mood. "I could sneak over to the Winter court tomorrow and try and talk to Minho myself."

Scoffing, you give him a side eye. "That's gonna be near enough impossible, and you know it," you remind him. Minho, as Hyunjin had told you, spent almost all his time in the winter court palace, and now that Hyunjin was away, you could expect Minho was taking over a lot of his duties. There was no way on earth Jeongin would ever be able to get his attention and hold a conversation with him without being spotted and consequently reported.

"I'd try," he responds, looking at you in a way that tugs on your heart strings, because you know he would. Despite his feelings about the winter court - feelings that had been uprooted in him due to his deep Summer court lineage, he would still do whatever he could if it meant you'd be happy. He was your best friend, after all.

"It's alright," you say, dismissing the subject. You'd never allow yourself to put him in danger like that. The two of you keep relatively quiet for the rest of your long journey back, keeping your pace gently as to not overexert the horses.

It doesn't take you long to arrive back at the stables, feeding your horses and giving them the rest they need. Jeongin follows you up to your bedroom for the second time of the day, trying to stay out of the eye of your servants who were, more than likely, furious that he'd abandoned his duties of helping them set up for the ball.

He was unsuccessful, though, getting sufficiently called out when you both went into the dining hall for dinner with your brother. He'd been expertly scolded by your head maid, though it was nothing he couldn't get out of with some sweet words and a dimpled grin.

Jeongin was more than accustomed to spending the night sleeping on your sofa, so he didn't even think about refusing the offer when you asked him. You wanted his company, after the dampener your previous events had put on the day. Even as you attempted to sleep, the white light of the moon glaring through your window a stark contrast to the pitch black night, you held that note up, attempting to find something you couldn't find earlier.

It was to no avail, though. There was nothing you hadn't already though of. You place the note to your side, sitting up against your head board. Jeongin's sleeping frame is directly opposite you, his chest gently rising up and down as he breathes. It's peaceful for a second, and you think you could perhaps fall asleep, until there's a harsh sound against your window.

Bolting upright at the noise, you rush to Jeongin's side, jolting him awake with a harsh push. He gives you a groggy shove back until he hears the noise himself, scaring him into wakening up.

Then, your window slides open, and you have to physically stop yourself from screaming.

Jeongin already has his sword in hand, reacting to the situation much faster than you. He pushes you behind him gently, walking towards the open window with his sword pointed at the perpetrator.

Minho almost gets his head chopped off. You recognise him instantly, your goosebumps fading when he climbs through your window with ease. Jeongin lowers his swords, scoffing.

"You trying to beat me up for the second time, Yang?" Minho says snidely, dusting himself down and closing the window behind him as if he'd done it a million times. You and Jeongin share a look.

"What the hell?" You question out loud, running your hands through your hair as your stress subsided.

"Nice to see you too, princess," Minho says, plastering a fake smile onto his face. "This is such a great welcome."

"Maybe if you hadn't, I don't know, snuck into my room whilst I was asleep you'd have a more cheerier response," you say snarkily, unable to help yourself. He had just scared you half to death, is all.

"You should be commending me for my superior skills in bypassing your guards and making it into your bedroom undetected," Minho counters.

Jeongin sheaths his sword now that he's decided there's no imminent danger, and takes a seat at the footboard of your bed. Minho takes his own on the sofa, moving the duvet Jeongin had been sleeping under to the side. You join Jeongin at the edge of your bed.

There's a weird period of silence where none of you speak. This is the first time the three of you have ever been in a room together alone, so you all kind of eye each other up, unaware of how to proceed.

It's Minho who breaks the silence, clearing his throat to grab your attention.

"So, you didn't understand my code, then," is all he says, as if it's no surprise to him. Jeongin scoffs at the same time you frown.

"We did, actually," you reply distastefully. "Meet you at Dew Pavilion at 2, we got the message."

Minho raises his eyebrows. "So why was I standing at your blessed pavilion at 2am by myself?"

Jeongin and you only share a look, rolling your eyes at each other. "Why the hell would we take that to mean 2am? We were there at 2 in the afternoon waiting for you!"

"Why the fuck would I be there at 2 in the afternoon?" Minho fires back, raising his voice to a hushed shout. "Do you want me to get arrested for trespassing on Summer Court land in broad daylight without due cause?"

"In hindsight, you should have probably put a more distinct time frame on your note," you point out. "Or maybe not written the note in code at all? Your cousin goes to lengths to deliver them in secret for a reason."

"How do you know Felix is my cousin?" is all Minho responds with, which Joeongin replies;

"Spoke to him today. Nice guy."

Minho gives him a look, turning to you. "Yeah, well, hindsight is a glorious thing," he responds sarcastically, ignoring Jeongin. "If I had more time, I would have tried to arrange the whole meetup better. Nice to formally meet you, by the way."

"Nice to meet you too," you say, trying your best to show how genuine you are. You were trying to make a good impression on Hyunjin's best friend, after all. "What on earth is going on?"

Minho sighs, seemingly preparing himself for what he's about to say as he runs his hands through his dark hair. "This is gonna be a lot to take in, so bare with me."

"I think we can handle it," Jeongin says with another scoff. You elbow him, trying to remind him of his manners, but Minho doesn't bat an eyelid, which you find unusual. In the brief encounters you've shared, Jeongin and Minho usually make it their lives mission to get the last dig in.

"Basically," Minho starts, looking up at you both with sincerity. "I overheard some pretty deep shit yesterday. Like, 'this could change our lives forever' shit."

You nod your head, willing him to go on. He looks between both you and Jeongin before continuing.

"I've had to take on a lot of Hyunjin's duties since he's been fulfilling his six months of training," he explains, which you figured as much. "It meant I've been in the palace even more than usual, talking to a lot of our courts higher ups."

"Are you just trying to show off, or is this actually going somewhere?" Jeongin asks, and although you should reprimand him, you're actually thinking the exact same thing.

"I'm trying to give you both some insight as to how I got the information I'm about to tell you, so that you actually believe me," he says exasperatedly, raising his eyebrows. "What I'm about to tell you is so top secret even I wasn't supposed to know about it, and I know everything."

You choose to ignore his cockiness, nodding your head and tapping your foot in anticipation. "Is Hyunjin alright?" you can't help but ask, your mind racing to a million different horrible things.

"Your boyfriend is fine," Minho tells you, so sincerely that you don't bother correcting him on the fact that you and Hyunjin technically weren't in a relationship. "This is more about you than him."

"So?" Jeongin says impatiently. "Spit it out already."

Once again, Minho ignores Jeongin’s jeers, which unnerves you. "It's about your father. There's...there's a plot - ongoing for a while, I heard - that Hyunjins father wants to overthrow him."

You blink a couple times, speaking before thinking. "That's not so unusual, those two have been wanting to take each others crowns since the dawn of time."

Minho nods. "Yeah, but this is different. Hyunjin’s father didn't need to send him to train. It's obvious Hyunjin has the experience he needs to be a fucking war veteran without doing the simple army training course that the Winter Court insists on. Even I almost got pardoned, since I was well versed without it. But the law is that every male in the Winter court has to fulfil the training, unless physically unable or..."

"Or what?" you ask impatiently.

"Or a member of the royal family," Minho finishes, and you lean back slightly. "I didn't even know that until I started researching it properly yesterday, so I highly doubt Hyunjin knew. There's another reason Hyunjin’s father wanted to ship him off for six months."

Jeonging taps your knee with his hand a couple times to comfort you. "I overheard a meeting yesterday," Minho continues. "Hyun's father brought up a proposition to your father last month - it was kept quiet, as it wasn't properly supposed to be fulfilled for years yet. The proposition was to create an alliance between both courts."

"My dad would never agree to that," you say firmly. "Not after the atrocities your court committed against us in the last war. He swore he would never see peace with the Winter Court after you had my grandmother killed."

Minho blinks at you a couple times, trying to figure out a way to tackle the conversation without being insensitive. "I know that. But Hyunjin's father thought if he relayed the benefits of an alliance with your dad, he could make him see his point. In all honesty, The Winter court is struggling. We don't have enough land for our population and most of the land we do have is unliveable. We desperately need the use of the strip of land at the border which we're forbidden to build on."

You had no idea about any of this. Unless Hyunjin didn't actually know, which is a long shot, he must have been keeping it from you for whatever reason.

"So the plan was to, what? Form an alliance between the courts solely for the gain of your court? Our king would never agree to that," Jeongin points out.

"Exactly, which is why Hyunjin's father set an ultimatum," Minho answers Jeongin. "It was either an alliance or war."

A shiver runs down your spine. Your court was strong, but the Winter Court was notorious for being skilled in combat. Even your father knew you'd probably be destroyed if another war ever broke out.

"So what came of it?" you ask. Minho takes another deep breath.

"The alliance wasn't baseless," he says. "It wasn't just a 'let us shake hands and make up' type thing. Hyunjin's dad wanted the alliance to be binding. So, he proposed perhaps the most binding thing he could think of."

You look at Minho expectantly.

"The marriage of you and Hyunjin."

Jeongin chokes on his own tongue from beside you. You feel heat rising to your cheeks at the same time.

"Hyunjin's dad wants us to get married?" you spit out, shocked. Minho nods in response.

"For the benefit of his court, yes. Obviously he doesn't know about your thing you've got going on," he replies. Jeongin gets a grip of himself, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Did her dad agree to that?" he asks Minho, who shakes his head firmly.

"No, he didn't, and from what I heard Hyunjin's father left in an outrage with no improvement on his plan, until yesterday."

"What happened yesterday?" you ask, now fully invested in what Minho was telling you. You'd never been allowed to be this involved in your countries on goings before.

"This is the part you're not gonna like," Minho says, looking straight at you, his face grim. "Your brother paid us a visit yesterday. From what I'd witnessed, it was obvious Hyunjin's father was being serious about the whole, 'going to war' scenario. Then, all I saw was your brother leaving out the back exit of the palace and it was as though all talk of war had ceased."

You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut. "That doesn't make any sense," you breathe out, looking towards Jeongin. "Chan? Chan wouldn't betray us in any way."

"I'm not saying he has one hundred percent done anything to go against you," Minho says, leaning his elbows on his knees as he speaks. "It just seems extremely fishy is all."

"I agree," Jeongin says reluctantly, looking to you sincerely. "You how much I idolise your big brother, but one second Hyunjin’s dad is prepared to go all hairy canary on us and the next Chan visits him and he chills out?"

You almost laugh at Jeongins dumbification of the events, but there's nothing funny about this. Minho would never have risked his life coming to tell you this if he didn't deem it important.

"Yeah, it's..." Minho trains off, not knowing exactly what to say. "It doesn't look great."

"But why would Hyunjins dad have had to ship him off to military training while all this shit is going on?" you ask, not really understanding how that came into play with all of this.

"Hyunjin has been advocating for peace between the courts since he could talk," Minho says simply, shrugging his shoulders. "Even the mere mention of war and Hyunjin would have made every effort to shut down his fathers plan. Honestly, I think Hyunjin’s father just wanted to keep him out of his way during his shady scheming."

You nod your head. From what you've heard of Hyunjin's dad, from both Hyunjin himself and everyone else, he wasn't a nice guy. This didn't phase you one bit.

"So what do you propose?" Jeongin asks after a couple minutes of silence, the three of you keeping to your own thoughts. Minho sighs, resting himself against the back of the sofa.

"I think this ball isn't going to be any ordinary one," Minho says confidently, referring to the ball taking place at the week end, which your servants had been preparing for. "If something's going to happen, it will be then. I think if we stand any chance of figuring out what the hell is actually going on and want to get together a solid plan to stop anything seriously bad from happening, we've got six days to do so."

"Six days?" Jeongin responds, his brows flying upwards. "That's fuck all time."

"With no less crude way to put it," Minho says, glaring at the younger man. "Yeah. We're kind of screwed. Especially without Hyunjin - he'd know exactly what to do right now."

As much as you had been missing the man you'd been growing feelings for over the past however many months, it was obvious Minho was feeling kind of lost without him too. You'd feel the exact same if Jeongin were to be sent away.

There's no way to tell how much time passes as you sit there silently, willing yourself to figure out a way to be able to get a proper grasp of the on goings between the courts and figure out a way to stop it from coming to a dramatic (and probably deadly) climax. It's a good while later when Jeongin speaks up, throwing his hands down in frustration.

"If we've got any chance of finding out what's going on, we need to dedicate the next six days of our lives to this," he says, shaking his head and looking between both you and Minho, his face rightfully expressing that there was no other option. "If it was up to me, I'd be hiding out in seclusion until the ball and trying to find out as much information about this shit as I possibly could."

He's got a point, and it's clear Minho's in agreement when he nods his head slowly, his eyes glassy as he thinks.

"I hate to agree," he speaks up. "But you're right. Hyunjin's the next ruler of his fucking court and he currently has no idea that there might be an impending war, or something even worse. Nothing's going to be achieved if I go back, you guys stay here and we cant fucking do anything about this. We may as well just forget about this whole thing, in that case."

"My father isn't returning until Saturday, the day of the ball," you point out, looking to Minho. "If that's for some ulterior motive - I don't know, but it does mean I have some leeway about my whereabouts."

"You're thinking what I'm thinking?" Jeongin asks, grabbing your attention. You shrug in responds, which makes Minho huff, since he obviously can't read your mind.

"Care to enlighten me?" He says. Jeongin speaks up before you do.

"We actually could dedicate the next six days of our life to this," Jeongin says simply, reiterating Minho's words. "I have a house near the border - extremely secluded - that we used to spend weekends at when we had nothing better to do. My parents lived in it during the last war, and - not to indulge you in a history lesson, passed it onto me when they passed away."

It was true. The last war between the courts, your father was seventeen. It was one of the most brutal and long lasting wars the courts had ever seen, and it saw the death of your grandmother and your father becoming the youngest king of the Summer Court for generations. Jeongin's family had always been very closely related to the royal family, so whilst Jeongin's mother hit in their secluded home by the border, his father fought on the front lines. They both passed away and Jeongin was left to the care of his extended family who lived near the palace, which is why you'd grown up so close to him.

"So your saying you could basically live there for the next six days and figure all this shit out?" Minho asks, clearing up Jeongin's words.

"And you," Jeongin says reluctantly, his voice low, as he looks up at Minho through strands of bleached hair. "We'd need your help. So if you could, you could stay with us."

You admire Jeongin for putting down his preconceptions of Minho, knowing he was doing the right thing by extending an invite to him. It was obvious that you did need him, after all. You could only do so much from your end.

Minho actually gives Jeongin a half smile. "I'll see what I can do. If I can figure something out, I'll let you know. It'll be pretty hard for me to be able to leave my duties for a week, but I'm sure I'll be able to manage."

You nod at him with a smile, deciding that that pretty much concluded the late night rendezvous. There was a lot you had to think over and consider - the seemingly impending war and your dad’s contribution to it, Hyunjin’s father and his proposition, your brother being a potential traitor...

It was a lot to take in for a Sunday night.

Jeongin stands up with Minho, giving him the address of the house, and you think Minho must be pretty credible if Jeongin trusts him, since yesterday Jeongin wouldn't have gone near him with a ten foot pole. Minho nods at him and then at you, and you make your way over to the window to let him attempt his master escape route.

"When you get down, take the back gate just to the right of the fountain," you tell him. "There's a clear path that takes you to the Winter Court five times quicker than any other route. Plus, it's the route you're least likely to get caught on."

He blinks at you a few times, a habit you've noticed he has, before nodding and opening your window, making sure to check his surroundings outside first. Before he makes his way outside, you stop him, grabbing his attention.

"Why are you helping us?" you can't help but to ask. Hyunjin had told you time again that Minho wasn't fond of you. Your court hadn't treated theirs with much respect, either. Minho, from your point of view, had no reason to not just let these plans be seen through without your knowledge.

Yet, he takes the time to stop halfway through the window, giving you a half smile. "I know how much you mean to Hyunjin. And he's my brother, so whether I like it or not, you're stuck with me by default. Plus, I kind of don't want to be a witness to the destruction of both our home courts."

You only nod, your heart filling from his answer. "Thank you."

And with that, he's gone, stealthily making his way off palace grounds without notice. Jeongin motions his head being blown up to you, his hands at either side of his skull, and you laugh at him.

"Well that was certainly eventful," he says, flopping back onto the couch as you make your way back into your bed, though you really don't think you'll be getting any sleep after that. "Maybe our week won't be boring ball preparations after all."