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dragonzzilla · 2 years ago

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Tears of the Kingdom's underwhelming narrative had rich potential

I'll preface this with a confession: I have not played Tears of the Kingdom. As a matter of fact, I haven't played any Legend of Zelda. I simply never had the opportunity while growing up, so my interest in the series has always been satellite. As such, I do not have the perspective of someone who has. My opinions are formulated entirely in what little I have seen or sought out. I'm coming at this with the perspective of an outsider looking in. But I'm not looking for a fight. My aim isn't to bash the new hotness out of jealous spite, or to convince people to feel bad about liking this game that, I've otherwise heard, is really fun. The reason I care, even though I'm not a part of the fandom, is that we all deserved better.

This is a much anticipated sequel to a smash hit from one of the biggest names in the industry, sold at a whopping $70—and having watched for free a YouTube compilation of all the cutscenes pertaining to Ganondorf, the much advertised central antagonist of TOTK, I felt robbed. This was my legitimate reaction:

Disregarding all my other feelings for a moment, I was dumbstruck to see a Nintendo game—released in our year of 2023—use what is essentially the same cutscene four times while explaining the backstory. I recognize TOTK has modular progression, allowing you to reach the Sages in whatever order you please. But once you've seen the first one, the other three will offer you no more valuable information. I'm willing to stretch my suspension of disbelief pretty far, yet even I recognized on first viewing how formulaic the Sage cutscenes are. It wrenched me out of the story.* Hearing different perspectives about the same events can and should be interesting, but the Sages relating these events barely qualify as characters—possessing neither names nor even faces, thanks to their uniform masks of Zonai design...

* I'll acknowledge: Within universe, there is reason enough for the Sages to repeat what is essentially the same story to their respective successors to apprise them of the situation. I can certainly see Link having to sit through the same spiel several times so everyone is on the same page. But it felt really unnecessary as a member of the audience. And unlike their BOTW counterparts, the Four Champions, the Sages don't stick around long enough to endear themselves any further, instead passing their abilities and function onto their successors.

… Which, I feel, represents the Ancient Past Storyline as a whole. Despite the number of bodies involved, no one felt alive. Queen Sonia—this continuity's founding mother of Hyrule, where divine power is explicitly matrilineal—amounts to nothing more than meat for the fridge to motivate the real star of the show, Rauru. Everyone else, including Zelda and the other Sages, are merely bit players in the conflict between him and Ganondorf. But it's a conflict without teeth. Ganondorf displays nothing but a mad, naked lust for power. Opposing him is Rauru, the quintessential Good King and benevolent god figure who would never abuse his power, but would sacrifice it all to seal away the evil invader who killed his beloved martyr-wife. There is no interrogation of the 'gentle' imperialism Rauru represents. His way is textually presented as the only righteous way. The world of this continuity revolves around his legacy and its preservation; anything else is not merely deviant, but indicative of evil. Only someone with the blackest of hearts would oppose this order. The narrative requires Ganondorf to be nothing less than the epitome of evil.

Which is… really disappointing, to say the least. Because I happen to like Ganondorf. His character and his place in the mythos have always been the forefront of my interest in the series; forget Link or Zelda. Naturally, I was drawn in by TOTK's marketing about Ganondorf's return as a human antagonist after a 17 year long hiatus. Given how much of a reinvention BOTW was for the series as a whole, I was disappointed back in 2017 to learn that Ganondorf existed only as a mindless force of primordial evil. "How lame," I thought, "but I guess it's not really Ganondorf." Calamity Ganon was just that: Ganon. And Ganon's always a full-blown monster, divorced from any nuance possessed by his OOT, WW, and TP selves. Then the first teaser for TOTK dropped, placing Ganondorf the man (if a little worse for wear) front and center. Intrigued, I enjoyed the explosion of enthusiastic fan art that followed, as well as the speculation regarding the role he would play. Surely, he would be more than a one-note villain! My expectations rose as Nintendo revealed more about him. His new design didn't immediately scream Dark Lord; and in his first speaking role, he draws attention to the fact that he has returned (within universe and meta-wise) and he has a vision for the world. I couldn't want to see the final product! Yet here we are.

It's a strange thing to fixate upon, when I don't have any skin in this game. But I'm passionate about storytelling. I enjoy rich narratives with nuanced characters, and I respect those that fully commit to the ideas they present... whereas stories that try to have their cake and eat it too, well, those pique my interest as well. Whenever I see untapped potential, my writer's mind cannot help but ponder the age-old question of "What if?" And I intend to do just that, in the cut below (this rant is long enough as it is).

Of course, no amount of brainstorming can change the reality of a product. A ship's structural flaws only become apparent once it's left port, but there's no recalling it then. Nonetheless, there is value in the discussion. We should always critically analyze what corporations give us, desiccating their products to discern the messages (whether intentional or not) contained within—especially when the product is aimed toward a young audience that might not have the cognitive tools to decipher those messages for themselves. Even if we cannot affect change in a monolithic company like Nintendo, we can still draw lessons from their missteps to improve our own writing.

If I have such grievances with TOTK's story, why bother with a rewrite? Because:

Playing within the limits of another's sandbox can help to build creative muscle.

I believe TOTK has all the right ingredients for a compelling story, if this new series wasn't so afraid to challenge its narrative roots the way it has its gameplay.

A few more things to note: I am not a professional writer, nor am I a veteran of the series. I'm working strictly with what TOTK brings to the table. I'll make no efforts to reconcile the continuity errors between BOTW and TOTK (though it deserves mentioning), or even attempt to fit this in a single cohesive timeline with the rest of the franchise. I am not that brave lol. What I propose below is simply how I would use these toys; YMMV. I hope this inspires discussion more so than congratulation or wordless agreement (though my ego will accept compliments all the same, especially since it took no small amount of spoons to organize my thoughts like this). As Ganondorf says:

A Modest Rewrite of TOTK's Ancient Past Storyline

Zelda is still flung to the past, but she awakens not to a picturesque golden age under the magnanimous rule of an infallible demigod. Instead, sadly reminiscent of her own age, the land lays in ruin, in the immediate aftermath of its own calamity. But this isn't the fault of Ganon. The blame lies solely with the Zonai.

The Zonai were understandably viewed as gods. A people who live up in the sky on floating islands, in possession of miraculous technology (including killer robots to protect their interests!), and magical artifacts that in the wrong hands can unleash cataclysmic power? A civilization as powerful as theirs doesn't suddenly end without a very good reason. Yet as far as I know, no explanation is provided as to why Rauru and Mineru are seemingly the last of the Zonai. No mention is made of a rival power that could've taken them down; certainly none of the terrestrial races. Remember, the Zonai were seen as gods. If you were to ask me? A civilization with that great of a power at their disposal, and apparently so much of it that Rauru has four more Stones (not including his own, Sonia's, or Mineru's) to pass out as he sees fit... can only destroy itself.*

* I know the Zonai are depicted in text as a purely enlightened and benevolent race... but as far back in the franchise as OOT (which TOTK draws a lot from), not even Hyrule—the standard by which all civilization in LOZ is judged—was above a civil war, orphaning Link. War Within LOZ clearly isn't waged solely against primal forces of evil that can, must, and should be destroyed. And that's good! A story is made richer when even the Designated Good Guys can fuck things up, when characters are allowed to contain multitudes—good and bad qualities!

Power does not defuse conflict. It only escalates the scope of destruction once it's unleashed. So, for whatever reasons the Zonai gave themselves then clung to, they started fighting each other. Using their flying machines and automatons, battles were fought upon and between their sky islands, the detritus of war raining down on the lands below—the inhabitants of which can do nothing but watch as a war rages in heaven—until finally the full power of the Stones is unleashed in an exchange that guarantees mutual destruction. The sky islands all plummet to the earth, wreaking mass destruction. This is the world Zelda finds herself in—where the land has been cracked wide open, the skies are choked with dust, and no one gets along... so unlike the world she knows.

Zelda still comes into the care of Rauru and Sonia, but Rauru is merely Sonia's consort—he holds no power as king. It's evident from the start that Sonia is steering the direction of Hyrule—a humble territory in this age—in this tumultuous time, although Rauru is backing her. It's thanks to Sonia that Rauru and Mineru survived the fall of their sky island, brought back from the brink of death. It was during this time that Rauru fell in love with her; and to repay her, Rauru revealed that, between himself and Mineru, they have three intact Stones (a small homage to the Triforce since it doesn't matter in this continuity) with which they can secure Hyrule's place in this brave new world. Importantly, this isn't portrayed as any more righteous than a nation acquiring a clear advantage over its rivals. Indeed, Zelda's thrown for a loop to learn that in this era, the other races like the Gorons and the Zora aren't merely independent from Hyrule but have a history of conflict—something she never learned in her history books. And tensions are only rising, as these rival nations find Stones of their own after much scavenging, shifting an already fraught balance of power. The gods are dead, their empire shattered—yet slivers of their strength remain, for those daring enough to claim them. By using one of these Stones, a tribe could secure its borders, reclaim ancestral land... or conquer new territory. This is where Ganondorf enters the picture.

This Ganondorf is still a villain, but there's room for nuance. He's ruthless and prideful, and certainly antagonistic toward Hyrule; but the narrative respects him as much as his fellow monarchs. He cares about the success of his people, because his entire identity is shaped around being their king. Remember that a male is born to the Gerudo only once in a hundred years. Ganondorf is but the latest in a lineage of kings, with the heavy burden of expectation that carries—he has a legacy to uphold or surpass if he can help it. And ever since he was a boy, he envied the easy lives and green lands of Hyrule, so as a man he has made it his personal ambition to conquer it... but at every turn, he has met his match in Sonia, who is every bit as skilled of a commander and a magician. The two of them have clashed so many times that they've become the most intimate of enemies, hard pressed to hate each other because they both know what's at stake. For years, they've been evenly matched... but the downfall of the Zonai changed everything. In spite of the Gerudo's best efforts, they haven't been able to find a single Stone to make up for the fact that the crash of their local sky islands kicked up terrible sandstorms and drove monsters from their usual habitats. The Gerudo are more desperate than ever. Then Ganondorf learns that his oldest enemy is housing two living Zonai underneath her roof, and has a total of four Stones at her disposal. He cannot battle Hyrule as before, lest he risk annihilation—if not by Sonia's hands, then another tribe that is more willing to coup de grâce a decimated competitor, or they might perish to monsters, or the desert might finally claim them, the dunes swallowing up their bones and burying their accomplishments. He could bend the knee—throw himself at Sonia's feet and hope for the best, sacrificing Gerudo independence to share in Hyrule's bounty. But his pride will never allow that.

He grew up in the shadow of detached gods, was raised on tales of how they were the ultimate arbiters of truth and value—almighty in their judgment and unassailable—and he saw for himself that they would only ever come down to earth to indulge their curiosity about the quaint groundfolk or harvest what their sky islands could not provide, most notably Zonaite (of course they named it after themselves...) to fuel their miraculous machines, the secrets of which they refused to share with anyone 'because they weren't ready' and would in fact use those same machines to keep the groundfolk from overreaching. Ganondorf is the first king in generations to glimpse a sky—and a future—uncontrolled by the Zonai. Though he was raised to be a king, the very definition of absolute power and privilege, only now is he truly beholden to no one. Finally, he is free to shape his own destiny. And he's not about to relinquish that freedom on account of his dearest enemy getting in bed with a fallen demigod—no, not a god... the Zonai's civil war proved they are not infallible. Without their technology, without their precious Stones, they're flesh and blood, the same as anyone else. Mortal. And what is a man to a king?

Despite the bad blood between them, and the generations of strife between their peoples, Ganondorf is able to convince Sonia that he is willing to bury the hatchet for the sake of his people, that his desire to enter the protective embrace of her kingdom, given the dangerous new world they find themselves in, is genuine. His true intentions are not so painfully transparent, but still Zelda does not trust him. She can't stop wondering how this man becomes the source of the Gloom in her era, even if the hateful creature she encountered in the depths below Hyrule Castle hardly seemed human at all. But she cannot act on a suspicion of duplicity due to future events. So for Ganondorf's entire stint in Sonia's court, Zelda tries to weasel out the truth—and in so doing, builds a relationship with the future Demon King. Once Ganondorf catches on to the fact that Zelda sees right through him, it becomes a game of 4D chess. Who is this girl, a member of Sonia's court that he has never heard before yet is trusted enough to bear a Stone, and why is she so certain of his true motives? He's smart enough to suss out that it isn't simple bigotry. It's a fine line Zelda must walk, because she has a secret of her own—she hasn't told anyone that she's from the future, out of a rational fear of disrupting the past and changing history (but at the same time, she can't abide doing nothing, and these interests war within her).

Despite Zelda's best efforts, Ganondorf succeeds in his plot. In a single stroke, he eliminates an old enemy, deprives her nation of its leader and a Stone, and finally secures a Stone for the Gerudo. But claiming the Stone doesn't immediately transform him into an Almighty Demon King. The surge of power is great, but not so much that he's willing to engage three other Stone bearers—two of which are Zonai who of course have experience using them—so he wisely retreats, though not before telling Rauru: "No point in crying over this one. She's not the first victim of your arrogance. And we both know she won't be the last." He's made powerful enemies, but it's a battle he can fight on another day, and at least now he's on equal footing with the other factions and can take their Stones until he can finally conquer Hyrule. But Ganondorf severely underestimates the lengths Rauru will go for revenge. In killing Sonia, before Rauru's very eyes no less, he has made another enemy for life (and beyond).

Understand that Rauru survived the destruction of his people and their way of life. That's traumatic enough. But now, the person who saved his life, and gave it new meaning, is dead. Murdered. By someone he had come to trust. Because he put a target around her neck. He should have seen this coming, he should have listened to Zelda, perhaps then he could have stopped this. But it's far too late now. Before, he was content to merely support and serve—a just penance, he believed, for his small part in breaking the world. Now, he has a new purpose: To secure Sonia's legacy by any means necessary. He binds his fate to Hyrule, which will never be safe so long as Ganondorf lives. This isn't a wise and beneficent King of Light opposing a terrible darkness, but a grieving widower—who's also a skyborn demigod that just lost his one earthly tie.

After taking command as regent, Rauru does not invite the other races to a grand alliance; he brings them to heel through force. It's not enough for Rauru to immediately counterattack Ganondorf. He wants to destroy him, and what better way than to turn the whole world against him? Additionally, by consolidating the power of the Stones onto his side, he denies Ganondorf the opportunity to pick them off one by one. Zelda is witnessing history, the birth of Hyrule as she knows it, but there's nothing noble about it. It's simple imperialism, and she has to grapple with the fact that she's a beneficiary of it. If the peoples of Hyrule were united through bloodshed, does this invalidate the friendships she's made among those peoples in her present? She's confronted with deep questions which possess no easy answers.

Meanwhile, Ganondorf hasn't been sitting on his laurels. He sees Rauru is stacking the deck against him, such that even the Stone's power won't be enough to win the coming war. The Gerudo are outnumbered and outgunned. So Ganondorf turns to darker magics, begins to press monsters into service, etc. His search for ever greater power takes him into the Depths, where he finds a dangerous substance called Gloom. According to legend, it is the ichor of a demon god who was struck down long ago and sealed away in the bowels of the earth. It drains the life-force of whoever touches it, that much is certain... but Ganondorf reckons it is possible to access this stolen vitality to perform feats of magic hitherto thought impossible. Through his mastery of dark magic, amplified by the Stone, he is able to harness the Gloom. First he tests it upon monsters... then dissidents, those reluctant to oppose Rauru's growing army. He makes examples of them, siphoning away their life-force to show those who will not fight will still serve their king. But this barbarous act only creates more dissent among the Gerudo. Tradition appointed Ganondorf as king, but that doesn't mean they have to stomach his tyranny. Even if he manages to win this war, this new power could allow him to reign forever, and he just demonstrated how little their individual lives mean to him. Worried for the future of their people, Ganondorf's second-in-command, Nabooru, sells him out in exchange for clemency, enabling Rauru and his Sages to capture him. Instead of slaying him on the spot, Rauru declares his intention to haul him back to Hyrule for a public execution in Sonia's name. Nabooru insists on coming along; if the King of the Gerudo is to die on foreign soil, then one of his own should observe his passing.

Ganondorf doesn't respond well to this betrayal. After everything he sacrificed, they would still rather roll over and show their bellies—surrender their freedom and pride—to a foreign lord. Who are these people, to abandon the courage of their ancestors? These are not his Gerudo. Ganondorf disowns them, swearing vengeance upon these cowards even as he is taken away in chains. The journey back to Hyrule gives him time to brood on his destiny. He was born to be a king, yet the place of his birth has forsaken him while the rest of the world wants him dead. Most people would crumble, succumb to despair. But his pride will never allow that. He will keep fighting, like he always has. He will crush any opposition, even if it's the people who gave him birth. He will rule, even if he must reign as king of the undesired. There's a saying: 'The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.' And Rauru has blazed oh so fiercely. To oppose him, Ganondorf must become nothing less than the King of Shadow.

At the moment of his execution, he draws upon the Gloom to transcend his mortal limits, finally becoming the Demon King. In this form, he's able to battle all seven of the Sages, but he's still not almighty. In theory, Rauru is able to slay him... but he chooses not to. Imprisoning Ganondorf isn't done as a last resort; Rauru wants him to suffer. "Killing you would be far too kind. I will make you wish you could die. You won't. I will hold you here. We will build our kingdom over the lands you tried to burn and pillage. And you will rot here, trapped in this moment, long after you have faded from its memory." And he sincerely believes that he'll be able to contain Ganondorf for all time—because he was able to ascertain that Zelda is from the future, after examining her Stone (his Stone, as it turns out) and piecing together her strange accent and unusual notions, even though she has the pointed ears of a Hylian. He doesn't understand the power, but he does take it as proof positive that his victory is guaranteed and Hyrule exists well into the future... without ever learning the whole truth of it. Rauru is directly responsible for the cycle of Calamity Ganon, as Ganondorf's resent and hatred transformed the Gloom into Malice.

Rauru's pride is an actual flaw, one that is fully explored in the modern day. Just like Ganondorf says, thousands of years passed in the blink of an eye; Rauru hasn't had any time to process his rage. He only saves Link to make him a vehicle for his revenge; sticking around past the tutorial as Link's spectral companion, constantly pushing him to ignore all distractions to destroy Ganondorf ASAP, yet unable to control him directly. In staying with Link, Rauru learns of his legacy; that he created a lasting kingdom, but harmed future generations by inadvertently creating Calamity Ganon—Ganondorf's disembodied anguish and hate, nursed over thousands of years. His selfish decisions created more harm than Ganondorf could have in a single lifetime. Just as the Zonai destroyed the world once before, Rauru managed to destroy it again and again. Hyrule no longer even exists as a kingdom, destroyed by Calamity Ganon 100 years prior. Yet Link continues to fight—not for himself, but to protect and help those he cares about as well as perfect strangers. Rauru gives a touch of the divine to Link, and in return Link reintroduces Rauru to humanity.

In contrast: Ganondorf broods in the Depths, alone. Although he still has a corporeal form, he's just as much of a ghost as Rauru is. He's more isolated than ever, having awakened to a strange world where nothing is as he remembers it. The geography is different, the flora and fauna is different, the people are different. Especially the Gerudo. They don't remember him as ever having been a person at all, believing the monster of their legends merely adopted the form of a Gerudo. But that doesn't sting as much as how tame they've become in his absence. These Gerudo have no fangs; they're fully in bed with Hyrule in every sense of the word, and it disgusts him. Nothing in this world is right. Everyone has forgotten their pride and their history; no one remembers a time when Hyrule wasn't be-all and end-all. Unable to accept this future, he terraforms Hyrule in the image of what it used to be, so it might become a crucible once more. The strong will adapt and survive, while the weak rightfully perish. He will create a world that rewards might and daring above all else.

Ganondorf is none too pleased to learn Link is running around with the arm of the man who sealed him for millennia, and assumes that he has become Rauru's puppet (even more hand symbolism)... but that's a key difference between Ganondorf and Rauru. Link essentially drags Rauru through character development, rekindling a sense of humanity within him. Ganondorf has no one to break him out of his rut. His only company down in the Depths are monsters and the Yiga Clan, who revere him as the source of Calamity Ganon—for his power and opposition of Hyrulian supremacy—but do not see him as person, a king in need of counsel. Ganondorf is more alone than ever, but he refuses to address this. To despair is to admit that the world has power over you, and he is the single strongest being in the world. Gods do not weep. And in that final confrontation, Rauru addresses Ganondorf: They're both ghosts of the past, stubbornly trying to shape the future to their liking; but the present belongs to the living. They both need to let go. But Ganondorf's pride will never allow that. To admit defeat is to admit someone has power over him, and he cannot allow it. It becomes clear to him that the only option left to him is to not play at all.

He swallows his Stone and becomes a dragon, but this doesn't lead to another boss fight (to compensate, the third phase would be a more classical Ganon fight; a friend suggested the name of "Scourge of Hyrule—Apocalypse Ganon"). Instead, in line with what was established earlier—that to become a dragon is to lose yourself to the process—Ganondorf ascends to the sky... and bears no more malice toward Link or Hyrule. He becomes the ultimate in power—immortal and at last truly divine—at the cost of his ego. He's still dangerous since he radiates Gloom, but he doesn't attack, just like the other dragons: an idiot god. He returns to the Depths out of instinctual comfort, but will occasionally surface and usher in a Blood Moon. And like the other dragons, you can harvest rare materials from him to make the best Gloom weapons or whatever. + Leaving Ganondorf in this state leaves a door open for fanatics to try and restore him in a sequel.

So, that's all I got

There's a lot of things I didn't address. Like whether the line of succession was broken with Sonia's death (so is Zelda descended from a relative of hers?), what sort of characters the Sages should be, or what Zelda does after Ganondorf is sealed away by Rauru (I'm personally not comfortable with her waltzing up to the Sages and in a stable time loop binding all the races to Hyrule), how weird the Draconification plot point is (and how Zelda is restored to her human form by Good Ending ghost magic), how Zelda is restored in this version (sequel hook same with Ganon?), how disconnected I feel Link is to the Ancient Past storyline as a whole, whether my version of Ganondorf actually ever learned about him, I didn't really dive into the aforementioned imperialist message in TOTK (others have already done so better than I), etc. Thing is, I'm not a professional writer. I do it for the love of it, and that's what this is. A messy labor of misplaced love for a franchise I've never played, all because I was upset they didn't treat my blorbo the way I like. You know how it goes. My brain didn't know when to let go, but at least now it's out there and not rattling around solely in my noggin, making an awful racket. Maybe now I can work on other things. If you've made it this far, cheers.

#legend of zelda #my writing #tears of the kingdom #tears of the kindom spoilers #rewrite #posting this now even if it could use another pass or two #kinda exhausted with the whole thing at this point #it's taken a lot of spoons over many days #ganondorf #rauru #zelda

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thatbadadvice · 2 years ago

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Help! My Mother-In-Law Buys A New Outfit Every Time She Pours Jet Fuel on Chilean Sea Bass and Throws Their Carcasses, Flaming, Into the Rainforests from the Open Belly of Her Private Plane

Care and Feeding, Slate, 1 May 2023:

Dear Care and Feeding, My husband and I have two children (2 years and 6 months). We recently moved back to my husband’s hometown to pursue a career opportunity for me. My husband has been home with the kids but was just offered a job. We found a daycare, but it can only take the kids three days a week right now (we’re on waitlists for full-time, but it seems like it could be months or more before we find two full-time spots). My mother-in-law has generously offered to watch the kids for the other two days. Overall, she is a lovely, responsible woman, but we have some significant value differences around environmental issues and I’m not sure how to navigate them. Our household focuses heavily on environmental awareness. We drive electric cars, we compost, we limit our air conditioning, we limit our flying, we eat all leftovers, we avoid plastics whenever possible, and we buy exclusively secondhand clothing. My mother-in-law is a big fan of consumption. Her house is full of plastics. She throws away whatever is left on her plate at the end of a meal, she keeps her house so cold in the summer that I need a sweater and she drives a minivan. I’m concerned about the message it sends to the kids if we stick to our values, except when to do so would be inconvenient. How do I bridge our two very different lifestyles going forward? —Environmentalist Mama in Limbo

Dear Environmentalist Mama,

I'm not sure how you can describe a person who air-conditions her home and drives a minivan as "lovely" and "responsible" but I will assume that this planet-hating harpy has gripped you so tightly in her environmentally irresponsible talons that you cannot see the wildfire-ridden forest for the trees (which she is personally cutting down for fun and profit). Do not let yourself be hoodwinked by promises of familial love and generous offers of free child care, as if these things matter more than assiduously composting! This woman is a monster who is single-handedly destroying the only earth your precious babies have to live on. Imagine the tragedies that will unfold if your children experience a loving connection with a person who purchases items made of plastic? They could come to believe that other humans are whole people with their own interior lives and decision-making apparatuses and values instead of ugly nasty baddies who dare to oppose Mommy's One True And Only Way?

You simply cannot bridge two lifestyles as different as the two you describe here. On the one hand, we have your blameless and perfect eco-conscious little household of brave, Dumpster-diving Oliver Twists, and on the other hand, we have an ethically compromised, unscrupulous, indefensibly ignorant shitbird who probably barbecues her factory-farmed meats over asbestos tiles and flies to Australia to distribute the ashes over the Great Barrier Reef. If Planet Earth does not spin out into an apocalyptic ball of climate disaster by the time your children are old enough to be knifing their peers over tire fires for their share of rat rations, it will be because your uniquely virtuous family had the moral fortitude to drive an electric car and limit your flying. After all, electricity comes from magical climate-neutral fairies and the jet fuel industry is waiting with bated breath for the day that you ground your family and send an international behemoth into wholesale free-fall.

If there is one guaranteed way forward through the climate crisis, it is to silo ourselves into individual categories of "good people" who use paper straws (like you! you are so good!) and "amoral reprobates" (such as your mother-in-law, who sucks!) who do not. The very future of humanity depends on demonizing and shaming other people until they behave as we want them to, privileging individual actions over collective resistance to and accountability for the worst global offenders, and rejecting community-building opportunities in favor of being the only best good person ever.

Build no bridge with this woman! She would probably just drive over it with her minivan, and then the blood of billions will be on your hands.

#advice #bad advice #care and feeding #slate #environment #climate change #climate crisis #parenting #mothers-in-law #in-laws #family advice #paper straws #electric cars #great barrier reef #we're all fucked

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willpaul229 · 3 months ago

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How to Spot Hidden Gems at Restaurant Auctions?

Restaurant auctions can be treasure troves for savvy buyers, offering an opportunity to score high-quality equipment, décor, and supplies at a fraction of their retail cost. However, the key to making the most out of these events lies in identifying hidden gems—items that are valuable yet often overlooked. Here’s a guide to help you master the art of uncovering such treasures at restaurant auctions.

1. Understand the Auction Process

Before attending an auction, familiarize yourself with how it works. Auctions can be live, online, or a hybrid of both. Research the auction house's rules, preview schedules, and bidding requirements. Most restaurant auctions provide a catalog or list of items beforehand, which can help you plan your strategy and identify potential deals.

2. Research the Items in Advance

Once you have the auction catalog, do your homework. Look up the retail prices and market demand for the items you’re interested in. For instance, a lightly used commercial oven or walk-in refrigerator can save you thousands compared to buying a new one. Hidden gems often include specialty equipment like sous-vide machines or artisanal bread proofers, which are valuable to niche restaurateurs.

3. Inspect During Preview Days

Preview days are your chance to examine items closely. Bring a checklist and inspect the condition, model, and age of the equipment. Check for signs of wear and tear, such as rust, dents, or frayed cords. Some items may look worn but still have a lot of life left, making them excellent hidden gems.

Don’t forget smaller items. Utensils, baking molds, and specialty glassware are often overlooked but can add tremendous value to your business or personal kitchen.

4. Spot Rare or Vintage Items

Restaurant auctions often feature unique or vintage items, such as antique bar stools, rustic wooden tables, or decorative light fixtures. These pieces can add character to your restaurant or home. Look for items that stand out or have craftsmanship that is hard to replicate.

Vintage signs, branded memorabilia, and even unusual kitchen gadgets can be goldmines for collectors or those aiming for a distinctive aesthetic.

5. Assess Resale Potential

Hidden gems aren’t just about what you can use; they’re also about what you can resell. Some items at restaurant auctions are highly sought after in secondary markets. For example, rare kitchen equipment, high-quality knives, or premium espresso machines can fetch a tidy profit if you’re willing to resell them.

6. Focus on Multipurpose Equipment

Items that can serve multiple functions are often undervalued at restaurant auctions. A commercial mixer, for example, might be labeled for baking but can also be used for mixing sauces or grinding meat with the right attachments. Multipurpose equipment offers flexibility and better returns on your investment.

7. Stay Updated on Trends

Certain types of equipment or décor may be in high demand due to current restaurant trends. For example, open-kitchen concepts often require aesthetically pleasing cookware, while the rise in farm-to-table dining has increased demand for rustic or eco-friendly furniture. Being aware of such trends can help you identify which items might become hidden gems.

8. Set a Budget and Stick to It

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of an auction and overbid. Hidden gems lose their value if you pay too much for them. Set a clear budget for each item and be disciplined about sticking to it.

9. Network with Industry Experts

Networking with chefs, restaurateurs, and equipment specialists can provide insights into what’s truly valuable at restaurant auctions. They might point out items you didn’t consider or help you evaluate whether an item is a gem or a dud.

10. Be Patient and Strategic

Finally, patience is key. Some of the best deals are made toward the end of the auction when competition dwindles. Keep an eye on items that initially didn’t attract much attention; you might scoop them up at a bargain.

Conclusion

Spotting hidden gems at restaurant auctions requires a mix of preparation, knowledge, and a keen eye for value. Whether you’re looking to outfit a new restaurant, enhance your current setup, or score unique items for personal use, these tips will help you identify treasures that others might overlook. Happy bidding!

#auction #online auctions #liquidation auctions #restaurant equipment auctions

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rakshasns · 4 months ago

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Spice Market Growth, Opportunities and Forecast to 2023 - 2030

Spice to Reach USD 9.60 Billion by 2030, Growing at a CAGR of 6.92% from 2023 to 2030

Overview

The Spice Market Share, valued at USD 5.63 billion in 2022, is projected to grow significantly over the forecast period, reaching an estimated USD 9.60 billion by 2030. The is anticipated to expand at a Compound Annual Growth Rate (CAGR) of 6.92% from 2023 to 2030, driven by increasing consumer demand for authentic flavors, health benefits associated with spices, and the rise of international cuisines in everyday cooking. As consumer awareness of the health and culinary advantages of spices continues to rise, the spice is witnessing robust growth across various segments.

The growing use of spices in food preparation, both in households and in the foodservice industry, is contributing to the ’s expansion. Additionally, spices are increasingly recognized for their medicinal properties, which has led to their inclusion in nutraceuticals and health supplements. With the popularity of global cuisines and the ongoing trend of clean eating, spices have solidified their place as an essential component of both traditional and modern culinary practices.

Segmentation

The global spice is segmented based on product, form, application, and region.

By Product:

Pepper: Pepper is one of the most widely consumed spices globally, known for its versatility in various cuisines. It is available in several forms, including black, white, and green pepper, each offering distinct flavor profiles. The increasing popularity of pepper in sauces, marinades, and dressings is contributing to the segment's growth. Pepper is also highly valued for its antioxidant properties, further driving its demand in health-conscious s.

Turmeric: Turmeric is another significant product in the spice , primarily due to its culinary uses and health benefits. Known for its vibrant color and warm flavor, turmeric is a staple in many traditional dishes, particularly in South Asian and Middle Eastern cuisines. Its anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties have made it a key ingredient in nutraceuticals, further boosting its demand.

By Form:

Powder: Powdered spices dominate the due to their ease of use and convenience in cooking. Powdered spices, such as chili powder, cumin, and cinnamon, are widely used in both home cooking and commercial food production. The convenience of powdered spices is particularly appealing to consumers who seek quick meal preparation without compromising on flavor.

Whole: Whole spices, including cinnamon sticks, cloves, and cardamom pods, are preferred by consumers who value freshness and authenticity in their cooking. Whole spices are often used in slow-cooking dishes to infuse deep, aromatic flavors. The growing trend of using whole spices in gourmet and artisanal cooking is boosting demand in this segment.

Chopped & Crushed: Chopped and crushed spices, such as crushed red pepper flakes and minced garlic, offer a balance between convenience and flavor. These spices are gaining popularity in the ready-to-eat and pre-packaged food industries, where they provide both flavor and texture to prepared dishes. This segment is expected to witness steady growth due to increasing demand for convenience foods that do not compromise on taste.

By Application:

Soups, Sauces, and Dressings: Spices are essential ingredients in soups, sauces, and dressings, enhancing both flavor and aroma. The use of spices in these applications is particularly prominent in international cuisines, such as Asian, Middle Eastern, and Mediterranean dishes, which rely on bold spice profiles. As consumers continue to explore global flavors in their cooking, the demand for spices in these applications is expected to grow significantly.

Meat, Poultry, and Seafood: Spices are widely used in seasoning meat, poultry, and seafood dishes, both in household kitchens and in the foodservice industry. Spice blends, such as rubs and marinades, are popular in enhancing the flavor of grilled and roasted meats. As consumers seek to recreate restaurant-quality dishes at home, the demand for spices in this segment is poised for steady growth.

Bakery and Confectionery: In the bakery and confectionery sectors, spices such as cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger play a vital role in adding warmth and flavor to sweet goods. The increasing demand for premium baked goods with exotic spice profiles is contributing to the growth of this application segment.

Regional Insights

The spice is growing steadily across various regions, each exhibiting unique trends and preferences:

Asia-Pacific: Asia-Pacific dominates the global spice , both in terms of production and consumption. Countries like India, China, and Vietnam are key producers of spices such as pepper, turmeric, and cardamom. In addition to domestic consumption, these countries are major exporters of spices to global s. The increasing popularity of traditional Asian flavors in global cuisine is driving demand for spices from this region.

North America: The North American spice is experiencing strong growth due to rising consumer interest in international cuisines and health-conscious eating. Spices like turmeric and ginger are gaining popularity for their health benefits, leading to their inclusion in various health foods and beverages. The demand for organic and non-GMO spices is also growing as consumers become more mindful of food sourcing and quality.

Europe: Europe is another key for spices, driven by the region's diverse culinary traditions and growing demand for authentic flavors. Mediterranean and Middle Eastern spices, such as cumin, coriander, and saffron, are particularly popular in European kitchens. The growing trend of home cooking, especially post-pandemic, is fueling demand for premium and artisanal spices across the region.

Middle East & Africa: The Middle East and Africa are significant consumers of spices, with traditional cuisines relying heavily on a variety of bold spice blends. The region’s demand for spices such as saffron, cardamom, and cloves is expected to grow as consumers continue to embrace authentic flavors in both everyday and festive cooking.

Latin America: Latin America is witnessing growing demand for spices, driven by its rich culinary traditions and the rising popularity of international cuisines. Chili peppers, paprika, and cumin are key spices used in Latin American dishes, and their demand is expected to increase as global interest in Latin American cuisine grows.

Drivers and Trends

Health and Wellness: Spices are increasingly being recognized for their health benefits, including anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and digestive properties. Spices such as turmeric, ginger, and cinnamon are being incorporated into wellness products, driving demand in both the food and nutraceutical s.

Rise of International Cuisines: The globalization of food culture is a major driver of spice demand. As consumers experiment with international recipes, the demand for authentic spices from regions like Asia, the Middle East, and Latin America is growing. The increased popularity of global flavors in home cooking and restaurants is boosting the spice .

Clean Label and Organic Products: Consumers are increasingly seeking clean label products that are free from artificial additives. This trend is driving demand for organic and non-GMO spices, as well as sustainably sourced products. Manufacturers are responding by offering spices that align with these consumer preferences, further boosting growth.

Conclusion

The global spice is poised for significant growth over the next decade, reaching an estimated value of USD 9.60 billion by 2030. With increasing consumer demand for authentic flavors, health-conscious eating, and the exploration of international cuisines, spices are becoming an essential ingredient in kitchens worldwide. As the continues to evolve, manufacturers will benefit from trends like clean label, organic sourcing, and the rise of global flavors, positioning the spice for long-term success.

Read More Details @ https://www.snsinsider.com/reports/spice-market-1855

Akash Anand – Head of Business Development & Strategy

[email protected]

Phone: +1-415-230-0044 (US) | +91-7798602273 (IND)

SNS Insider Offering/ Consulting Services:

Go To Market Assessment Service

Total Addressable Market (TAM) Assessment

Competitive Benchmarking and Market Share Gain

#spicemarket #spicesofindia #organicspices #exoticspices #spicetrade

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cletusthurstonbeauregard · 1 year ago

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By Annie Ewbank Senior Associate Editor, Gastro Obscura

In 1886, a researcher at Yale’s Peabody Museum was cutting into an ostrich egg when it violently exploded. A build-up of gasses inside the egg shattered the shell, raking his face with shrapnel and sending everyone else in the room running from the fumes. The incident was on my mind this week, as I prepared myself to crack open an ostrich egg of my own. I was intimidated by both the egg’s size—imagine a toddler’s head—and the ceramic-hard surface, dotted with large, deep pores. How did I acquire said egg? I’m not one to make impulse purchases, but when I saw one sitting in a clear cabinet at Ostrichland USA, I felt compelled to buy it.

The main draw of Ostrichland USA, a roadside attraction/farm in Solvang, California, is the opportunity to feed these massive birds. I forked over the $7 and walked out back, where hundreds of birds roamed behind fences. Most stood seven feet tall or more. Each of their fluffy black-and-white wings was as large as an unfurled umbrella, and their enormous scaled feet kicked up clouds of fine dust as they stampeded over, vying to peck food out of the long-handled tray I held. “Yes, we like to bite,” a sign cautioned.

Perhaps I was a little adrenaline-drunk or sun-dazzled when I went back into the gift shop and bought the egg—the last one available that day, as the cashier told me. I gleefully watched her pack it up into a cardboard box with a sheet of cooking instructions and went back to the car to carefully stow it away under a seat.

After I got home, unpacked my treasure, and took a dozen photos, reality set in. I’m not a huge fan of eggs. Something about their texture and slightly sulfuric smell sets me on edge. And looking online, I read that a single ostrich egg can contain the liquid equivalent to 24 chicken eggs. But I was determined to use every bit, and to save the hard, deep-pored shell as a keepsake.

Thankfully, my friend Tam had also once bought an ostrich egg from a farm before and offered to help open it. “I’ll bring my tools,” they ominously texted.

There’s a long history of ostrich-farming in the United States. Throughout the 20th century, ostrich had been touted as “the new red meat,” leading to ranches popping up, usually in arid areas that mimicked the bird’s natural habitat. The ostrich’s territory spans the deserts and savannahs of the African continent, and once, there was even a species of ostrich native to the Arabian Peninsula, though humans hunted them to extinction in the 1900s.

The American public has never totally embraced the ostrich steak or burger, and, stateside, the industry has stayed small, with several operating as tourist attractions. (Ostrichland doesn’t sell ostrich meat from its birds, but will sell eggs at $60 each.)

Ostrich meat is lean and greatly resembles beef, which is probably why humans had the guts to transport these large birds across the world despite their terrifying size. Ostriches made it surprisingly far past their stomping ground in the ancient world, with Romans relishing ostrich brains and letting them loose in the Colosseum for sport.

But ostrich eggs are the real historical marvel. In South Africa, archeologists have found carved, decorated ostrich-egg fragments that are 60,000 years old. Shells have also been found in Egyptian royal tombs and Bronze Age shipwrecks. While their shells were valued for their durability and beauty, their insides were also savored. Cooking ostrich eggs was a snap for ancient nomads: Simply crack a hole in the top, set the egg in some coals, and stir the inside with a stick.

Ostriches are the planet’s largest birds, and their eggs are the largest as well. Their superlative size and familiar flavor made them a fascination for Europeans and Americans, who acquired them for novelty and research. Alexandre Dumas (of The Three Musketeers fame) included a recipe for an ostrich-egg omelet in his 1873 cookbook, where he suggested cooking the egg with lots of onion, sweet pepper, and tomato.

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ananya5400 · 1 year ago

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Pea Processed Ingredients Market Will Hit Big Revenues In Future

The Pea Processed Ingredients Market is projected to reach USD 5.0 billion by 2026 with a compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of 10.1%. The market value was estimated to be USD 3.1 billion in 2021. Growth in the demand for pea processed ingredients in the end-user application industries is driving the market growth of pea processed ingredients. Further, increase in the demand for gluten free products is also a major factor resulting to the rise in the demand for pea processed ingredients.

Download PDF Brochure: https://www.marketsandmarkets.com/pdfdownloadNew.asp?id=22233721

Key Features of the Pea Processed Ingredients Market:

High Protein Content: Pea processed ingredients are a rich source of protein and can be used as an alternative to animal-based protein sources.

Gluten-free: Pea processed ingredients are gluten-free, making them suitable for individuals with celiac disease or gluten intolerance.

Versatile: Pea processed ingredients can be used in a wide range of applications, including baked goods, snacks, soups, sauces, and meat alternatives.

Sustainable: The pea plant is highly adaptable to different climatic conditions, making it a sustainable crop for processing into ingredients.

Allergen-free: Pea processed ingredients are free from common allergens such as soy, dairy, and nuts, making them suitable for individuals with food allergies.

Low Carb: Pea processed ingredients have a low glycemic index, making them a suitable ingredient for low-carb diets.

High Fiber: Pea processed ingredients are a good source of dietary fiber, which helps to improve digestion and maintain healthy gut bacteria.

Environmentally Friendly: The pea plant requires less water and fertilizer than other crops, making it a more environmentally friendly ingredient choice.

Long Shelf Life: Pea processed ingredients have a long shelf life, making them a convenient and cost-effective ingredient for food manufacturers.

rowing Demand: The demand for pea processed ingredients is increasing due to the growth of the plant-based and health food markets, providing opportunities for growth and innovation in the pea processed ingredients market.

By application type, the functional food segment is expected to witness the fastest growth during the forecast period

The functional foods considered for the study include infant nutrition, nutritional supplements, dairy products, plant-based yogurt, plant-based creamers, plant-based butter, and other food products fortified with additional nutrients. The incorporation of pea processed ingredients adds to the shelf-life of the functional food products, along with the improvement of the textural and sensory characteristics, owing to their water-binding capacity, gel-forming ability, fat mimetic, anti-sticking, anti-clumping, texturizing, and thickening effects.

By source type, the yellow split peas segment is projected to grow at the fastest CAGR in the pea processed ingredients market until 2026.

The demand for yellow split peas is high owing to presence of high protein content and popularity among the food manufacturers. There is rising production of yellow peas over the years owing to the increasing demand of the same. For instance, according to the 2018 American Pulse Association Data, dry peas rank fourth in terms of the world production of food legumes below soybeans, peanuts, and dry beans. They have also reported that yellow peas and green peas, along with other minor classes, are the most commonly grown, with yellow peas accounting for approximately two-thirds of the US production. Yellow split peas are also regarded as high in fiber and is considered taste neutral thereby resulting to rising application of the same in the food and beverage products.

Request Sample Pages: https://www.marketsandmarkets.com/requestsampleNew.asp?id=22233721

North America is estimated to dominate the global pea processed ingredients market over the forecast period.

Consumers in the North American region are gradually shifting their diet preferences and are going vegan due to the health and wellness benefits associated with it. This paradigm shift in food culture is being supported by health & fitness industries, medical communities, celebrities, and athletes, which has bolstered the demand for pea-based food ingredients. The rising incidences of obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and diabetes among the American population have also prompted consumers to adopt vegan diets.

#Pea Processed Ingredients Market #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Size #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Share #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Growth #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Trends #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Analysis #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Forecast #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Research Report #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Scope #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Overview #Pea Processed Ingredients Market Outlook

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eazy-group · 2 years ago

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From camper to junior chef, UAA’s Culinary Boot Camp teaches kids basic kitchen skills

New Post has been published on https://eazycamping.net/from-camper-to-junior-chef-uaas-culinary-boot-camp-teaches-kids-basic-kitchen-skills/

From camper to junior chef, UAA’s Culinary Boot Camp teaches kids basic kitchen skills

Baking instructor Riza Brown helps campers with their cookie dough at the University of Alaska Anchorage’s Culinary Boot Camp. The program costs $350 for a week-long course, and runs four times through the month of June. (Jeremy Hsieh/Alaska Public Media)

Kids in tall white chef hats bustled around the industrial kitchen at the University of Alaska Anchorage on a recent morning, carrying giant metal mixing bowls. The air hummed with the sound of electric mixers. But one group was having a little trouble getting started.

Emmett Bartlett and Gabrielle Rhodes huddled around their mixer. They couldn’t figure out how to attach the beater, and accidentally spilled sugar all across the counter. Baking instructor Riza Brown stepped over to give them a hand.

“You wanna match it up with the groove that’s in here, and then you wanna lock it in,” she said, guiding the beater attachment into place.

Culinary Boot Camp is a summer program at UAA’s Community & Technical College for kids ages 11 to 17. They learn foundational cooking skills at the week-long camp, starting with kitchen safety and sanitation practices. The camp is split into two sections, cooking and baking.

The instructors are professors from UAA’s culinary arts program. They stick to easy baked goods and simple meals so the kids can focus on learning the process and tools of the kitchen. Brown said working with younger kids is a nice change of pace.

“We want them to be professional in what they do, so that’s why we use simple recipes, but they are using adult equipment,” she said. “And it’s really cute because there’s little tiny 11 year olds with gigantic bowls and spatulas.”

In the other room, 18 kids in the cooking section were learning how to cut and marinate meat for their steak and chicken fajitas. Every day, the cooking group makes lunch for everybody, and the baking group makes dessert. Any leftovers get sent home with the campers, which the instructors said is always a hit with the parents.

The culinary college is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. Every year, graduates head off to work as line cooks and head chefs. The summer camp started two decades ago to raise awareness for the college program. The dean, Raymond Weber, said it’s also a way to teach members of the community important life skills. He said the kids are learning more than just how to cook.

“They’re going to learn the different steps that can be used for almost anything, if you think about it, in life,” said Weber. “If you can cook, you can measure, you can clean, you can coordinate, you can set up a plan, you can run through it. So these are just base level skills that indirectly influence everything a person does.”

Kawika Khachadoorian sifts dry ingredients for snickerdoodles at the University of Alaska Anchorage’s Culinary Boot Camp on Tuesday, June 20, 2023. (Jeremy Hsieh/Alaska Public Media)

Culinary Boot Camp is open to a range of skill levels. While some kids are just starting out, the camp is also an opportunity for more experienced kids to see what working in a professional kitchen is like.

Kawika Khachadoorian is 16, and already has experience baking. He said the camp is a great way to do what he loves in a more professional setting.

“Everything’s where it’s supposed to be, and you have everything. So many times I’ve been baking at my house and I’ve been like, oh, we don’t have flour,” he said.

Khachadoorian said he’s looking at UAA for college and might consider enrolling in the culinary arts program.

On the other side of the room, Bartlett and Rhodes had their mixer working. They studied their recipe sheet, reading it out loud together. They were making white chocolate chip cookies, Rhodes said. This was news to Bartlett.

“I thought we were making brownies!” he said. Rhodes reassured her partner.

“It’s okay to be confused,” she said. “That’s why we’re taking the class – to get better.”

Despite their professional surroundings, most of the kids are still figuring things out. And that’s the point. It didn’t take long before Bartlett and Rhodes had a batch of white chocolate chip cookie dough, ready for the oven.

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pvlshd · 2 years ago

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🍍 🍊 🍒 🍐

🍍 : how comfortable is my muse in their body ? how do they feel about their height, weight, strength, and body type ? how important is being attractive to them ?

louis has never thought about his physique too much, but he has thought about death. he wonders sometimes about his own relationship with his own mortality. how will he die ? will he be murdered by some crazed fan that thinks they know him through his films or ruined a story they cherished on the page via the screen ? will it be a heart attack by way of his lifestyle: booze, recreational drugs to take the edge off, stress, high blood pressure, too much red meat and cheese. or maybe he'll die like legends, found dead one day shot in the head by a lover wronged. how will he be remembered ? as he is now, looking more or less the same but with more grey in his hair and a lot more lines on his face ? or will the image that might haunt the paramedics that come to take his body away be grotesque. a distended belly, puffed features, knobbly knees, stick-figure legs ?

he is not an energizer bunny by any means and doesn't expect to be, but he doesn't like not having the energy or the will to make his vision come out the right way, it is a dealbreaker for him. if his life is somehow sapping the juice out of his bones, he'll look at his diet, maybe try meditation, go box it out with the punching bag in his personal gym. he doesn't need to feel as strong as a marvel superhero, but strong enough for his weight class will do.

these things inform how he eats, but not always ! he does not have a sweet tooth, he grew out of that in his teens, he likes his carbs and his cheeses and his """robust""" sandwiches, vegetables are rabbit food, unless you know how to cook them into something much heartier. he eats indulgently sometimes and neglects meals at others simply because he is too preoccupied, too obsessed to remember to. he curbs his habits when it occurs to him that maybe the result of high cholesterol or high whatever, wouldn't suit the things he wants to do. it lasts for as long as he's conscious, he'll make better choices, eat conservatively, stop at four martinis, try to get on the treadmill more often. regardless, louis is often pale and gaunt. if he gets some colour, he's been florence, or milan holed up in a friend's house. he likes what he likes, but he is not a foodie per se. the food is there to sustain you, and if you have the means to have it taste good, sure, have it taste fucking good, but that's all it's for.

while being physically attractive to others isn't consciously anywhere on his list, he does have an innate need to be able to recognise himself in the mirror. he has to have the same face, remain at the same size, can't feel too much heavier than he's used to or too much lighter. he dresses for function. he wears nicer things only when there is a need to. otherwise, he'd rather be comfortable, and if other people assess the people they meet according to this, he does not care.

🍒 : how much does my muse value companionship ? do they constantly keep people around them, or do they prefer to be alone often ? do they have or desire to have many friends ? do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend ?

a lot of people know louis and louis knows a lot of people. the crew of every set he's worked on, his mentors, his peers. he has a lot of acquaintances and good loyal ones too ! they can almost, be counted as friends. but his inner-life and personal life aren't shared with them so they can't be counted as those true good friends everyone aspires to have. he is okay with that. the companionship he values are the people he calls for input. the ones from brooklyn that will rag on him, that will tell him what's bullshit and what can get by, the people he's known for decades. he likes being around them. he likes having cigars with industry heavyweights that he can actually stand, those guys hold the experiences and stories that he would imbibe through osmosis if he could, it's a source of inspiration. when he is working however, he prefers to be alone. if they are on location and the cast and crew has a day off, if he throws a party, it is something that's heavily planned, and that he is mentally prepared for. mood management is important for louis, the people around him never forget it.

🍐 : how intelligent is my muse overall ? are they smarter than the average person, or less than ? are they primarily self-taught, or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school ? are they more street smart or book smart ?

louis is well-read. he counts on his street-smarts from when he was growing up more than his traditional schooling. schools are templated, rigid. encouraging ! sure, but true problem solving happens in the real world, where the stakes are high and there's no safety net. a lot of things are either self taught or observed from the tedious hours spent with various members of the crew from film sets and applied to his own knowledge, his own poetic views, techniques, technical details to supplement and enhance art, rather than things that create obstacles or restrictions. workarounds are a challenge for innovation, not an inconvenience.

#tw body image #tw food #SLEIGHT OF HAND & TWIST OF FATE /. * STUDY

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sp00kworm · 4 years ago

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Who needs lights?

Pairing: Durzub (Goth Male Orc) x Gender Neutral Reader

Warning: Suggestive Themes

This wonderful piece is based off a very lovely OC by @of-devils-and-drawings. Durzub belongs to her and I adored him too much not to make this for him. I’m a sucker for anything scary and/or orc.... and/or metal....and/or goth.

---

You’d always found a little bit of comfort being in the alternative scene, even when others stared and watched in the street as you went past, going about your business, bundled in black layers or flares and platforms. It was something unique and different and it was very much a part of your life. The bars were always better places too. You laughed at the bar at your friend as the bar tender tied his platinum, lilac streaked hair back and started to mix the cocktail for the jug. It was easier to order in large pitchers and watch the band playing from the platform the bar was on. You watched the alcohol mix as the Fae grinned at you, revealing incredibly dangerous, sharp teeth and placed two straws into the jug before sliding it closer to the two of you.

You paid for it before laughing and turning a straw to the Faun, “To our health! Well, and my new job!” You cheered.

“Oh, for sure, finally you’re not broke and can pay for drinks!” She jeered as she pursed her lips and leaned down to take a few long sips, “Jesus Christ, Flix!” She coughed, “You trying to get us drunk and make us easy, or something?”

Flix rolled his eyes as he flipped a cocktail shaker over and caught it, “You wish Pip. You two haven’t ever been my type.” He snorted as his lilac, gossamer wings fluttered behind his back in irritation. He laid his burning black eyes on a group in the corner, “Though, I like the look of those troublemakers.” A claw raised to point at the group of Orcs who were gathered in the corner.

Pip’s brown ears flicked before her hooves clicked against the black floor, the sparkly tiles reflecting the strobes from the stage. She grinned and flicked at the ring in her nose, her shaggy black hair flopping back over her dark eyes, “Oh,” She purred, “I didn’t know you were into the rowdy muscle-head sort.”

Flix flipped the cocktail again before giving her the middle finger and moving to serve the cocktail to a woman who had just come out of the crowd watching the band.

“Who are they?” You asked after taking a long drink of the cocktail, “I haven’t seen them here before?” You looked over at the group again before realising how perfectly they fit in here in the bar. All were dressed in a variety of fashion, from heavy leather, to chains, to netting. Others donned fancier items with flowing sleeves and long, tailored skirts and trousers. The majority were green in skin tone, but you looked at a few lighter coloured, grey toned orcs with interest as they were from the mountainous regions of the old country.

Pip clicked her tongue, “Muscle heads and trouble, the lot of them.” She took another few drinks before hopping back onto her bar stool and adjusting her net top over her ripped shirt. Around her waist was a thick leather belt, the studs dripping with thin metal chains that hung around her furry hips, “They come to shows like this and usually start fights.” She commented off-handedly.

With a frown, you looked from her, to the group again, “They just seem to be drinking and watching?” You commented.

Pip snorted a short bleat again, “Yeah, wait until this gig really kicks off, then you’ll see what I mean. Last time I was here with them one of them decided it would be a great idea to upturn tables, and by that, I mean, upturn my drinks over my new dress.” She hissed venomously, “They’re assholes, the lot of them.”

“They don’t look like it…” You uttered as one of the Orcs stood from the group and dragged his friend up with him to get drinks. The rest of them hollered their orders before some of the group split off to join the crowd watching the band.

“Oh great. Here they come!” Pip cheered before moving two seats down and dragging you along with her.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Pip.” Flix commented with a hiss and flutter of his wings, “They’re all lookers, I don’t see why you can’t look past that.” He shrugged his shoulders before smiling at the two male orcs at the bar, “What can I do for you two handsome fellas?” His eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings at them and you snickered at the scent of lilac flowers that drifted from him like a thick perfume.

“Come on, Flix. Lay off it for one night will ya!” One of the orcs laughed before he elbowed his friend, “This guy’s new here. Don’t go scaring him off already. You lot need our custom.” The orc leaned back and scrubbed at his mohawk, adjusting his heavy cargo trousers. Fabric belts hung between the legs and down them and he wore a heavy half tartan kilt over the top. His face was littered with piercings and you could see why he looked like the sort to be causing problems.

“You know I love you all equally, Xurek.” Flix laughed, “But I was more excited for your lady friend over there. She’s new too huh?”

“Jesus, you never give up! Anyway,” Xurek took the other orc around the neck, “This is Durzub. He’s new in town. Just moved in from out from the sticks. He might look like a foul piece of work, but you’ve met Rakuh, so he’s not as scary.” Xurek laughed before he let the darker skinned orc go. The other male reached up to brush his black hair from his eyes. Most of his long black hair was braided in tight long threads, the braids sequenced with small beads along them with the rest straight and hanging over his shoulder beneath the wide brim of a black hat, emblazoned with a silver trim around the base. He turned, dressed in a black long shirt and coat, the end trailing behind him as he ducked out of Xurek’s grasp, brown eyes angry.

Durzub snorted and tossed his head, the braids sliding back out of his way over his shoulder before he reached up to move his tangled chains from the ends of his hair, the necklaces hanging with silver teeth, “Will you stop dragging me around like a child, Xurek!” He snorted as he dragged his arm out of Xurek’s grasp and adjusted his hat again before sighing and taking it off, “Any way I could get you to store this behind the bar for me? Its new and these lot have a habit of throwing beer the later it gets.”

Flix fluttered his eyelashes again, “Sure thing, sweetheart.” He took the hat and turned around to hang it near the aprons, “Just grab me before closing and I’ll get it you.”

“Thank you.” Durzub rumbled before pulling his hair back again, tucking the straight length on his left side behind his ear, revealing rings of silver and studs of obsidian, which matched the rings, linked by a chain, on each of his short tusks.

“Don’t be nice to him, Durzub, he’ll eat you alive given the opportunity.” Xurek snickered behind his hand as he flapped his band shirt, trying to cool himself down, “His family ate children back in the day.”

“That was five hundred years ago!” Flix scoffed as he slammed two, pint glasses down on the bar, “So, was it two ales or two lagers?”

“We were thinking mead actually.” Xurek stuck his pierced tongue out before he played with the bar, “And not that piss water Weldrick buys for the goblins!” Flix ignored him and turned for the taps down the other end of the bar.

Pip scoffed at the exchange, but you found your mouth opening at the sight of the long-haired orc and his scowl. He watched Flix’s wings before he turned away from Xurek’s chattering and pushed his hand over his mouth. You watched the exchange as Xurek stuck his tongue between the other’s fingers and couldn’t help but laugh loudly as Durzub cringed and recoiled.

“You’re fuckin’ disgusting.” Durzub rolled his eye and took a napkin from the holder to wipe the spit from his fingers and the skull rings which sat above his knuckles.

“Mmm, you taste like fresh meat.” Xurek hissed like a comically bad vampire, and you laughed again, but this time louder. It was loud enough that the two orcs looked down the bar to where you and Pip were sat with your cocktail jug.

“Well done! Now we have their attention.” Pip hissed in your ear before she kicked at your chair with one shoed hoof, clanking the metal with a vicious bang.

Xurek’s smile made you regret everything, as you watched his gaze shift from your face to the larger orc stood next to him, “Looks like we have an audience, Durzub.”

The other male turned slightly on one heel, looking at you both with a raised eyebrow, looking over the two of you perched at the end of the bar, “Don’t mind this freak. He’s got a way of making everyone hate him.”

“Oh, that’s fuckin’ cold!” Xurek hissed at him, “After I introduce you to those bands too!”

Durzub rolled his eyes again as Xurek slinked around him to laze across the bar on one arm, his head propped up on his fist, “Bands which have given me nothing but persistent headaches.”

“Headaches but three magazine features!” Xurek wound his middle finger up before he smiled at the two of you again, “Ignore him. He was castrated at birth.” The statement earned him another gruff noise from Durzub.

“We don’t want your attention, Xurek.” Pip gave him a sardonic smirk, “Not unless you’re replacing those drinks from last time.” She leaned on her own open palm and bared her teeth at him, her hoof clicking against the bar stool.

“You’re a cold bitch, Pip. You know that was an accident.” Xurek whined, “Highlander honour.” He crossed his heart, “Anyway, why don’t I introduce you to my new friend here?” He wrapped his arm around Durzub, making the other spill mead down his fingers as he dragged him over to the two of you, “This is Durzub. He’s a music producer, and part time good looker.”

“You’re a music producer?” You asked in awe before you turned and looked at the stage, “Are you here for these guys?” You pointed at the industrial band on stage as the lights went low and they started the intro for their next song. At the back here it wasn’t as loud, and you could readily hear the two orcs.

“Yeah. They’re a new signing.” Durzub rolled his shoulders in a shrug, “I never really sign their sort, but it seems like they have a decent following.”

“Come on, mate, we’re here to chill out, not to talk work.” Xurek groaned and laid against the sticky bar top before recoiling in disgust.

“I know, you great oaf.” Durzub placed Xurek’s drink next to him, “Are you both here to see the show?” He asked, his voice slipping from ‘totally pissed off’ into something that was ‘gruff but polite’. Either way, his soft country accent made you smile before you took a few mouthfuls of cocktail for courage.

Pip answered before you could swallow, “We come on a Friday to wind down. The gigs are always just a bonus.”

She shot a look at you with her dark, goat eyes, warning you from speaking as she steered the conversation, “What about you guys? You here to bother people on their nights off?”

“Well, we know where we ain’t wanted.” Xurek shrugged his shoulders at Pip’s rudeness, “Sorry to harass you, but you don’t have to be a salty asshole about spilt drinks, you know.” He watched Pip’s temper flare and you ducked back as she slammed her hand against the bar top.

“You listen here you little asshole!”

“Little?” Xurek scoffed, “I tower over you, babe.”

Pip gave a bleat of anger before she swept her leg around you and cracked Xurek in the shin, “It was my new dress you ass for brains!” She hissed at him before she stood up to walk around you and face the orc head on.

“What do you want me to say, huh?!” Xurek goaded, “Oh I’m so sorry that my accident ruined something I couldn’t stop. Get over yourself thinking I did it on purpose!” He fumed with anger.

You leaned back before hopping out of your chair, taking the jug of cocktail in one hand and a tall glass in the other before you turned to Durzub, “Hey come on. They’re going to be screeching for a while. Want to go and sit on the balcony and watch?”

Durzub seemed a little taken back by the offer, “Oh, sure.” He uttered as he pulled Xurek’s drink away from him and then took his own in hand and following you towards the stairs, leading to the viewing area above the pit. You found two stools and a table and happily placed your drinks on it before leaning on the railing to look down at the band as they headbanged together on stage.

Durzub sat awkwardly for a moment before he coughed behind his head, “So, what is it that you do?” He asked as he leaned over the table, eyeing the mixture of liquor and fruit juice in your jug.

You turned from the show and smiled, “Oh nothing as interesting as music production. I just got hired at a new modelling agency.”

“Do you model then?” He asked with wide eyes, “Because you’re certainly…”

“Oh, God no. Nothing like that. I work with brands and secure deals and shoots. I work with Skull Crusher and Tombstone mostly.” You smiled and sipped cocktail through your straw.

Durzub tucked his hair back again with a sweep of his hand, “That explains the look then.” He smiled softly, “Do you get some sweet discounts?” He asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe. It’s never been cheaper to be a goth!” You cheered as you looked down at the rowdy beginnings of a mosh pit, then back to the bar.

You gave a great laugh, “Well, looks like their argument is sorted.” You pointed at Xurek with his bruised cheek. He slammed back his drink before storming away into the pit, rushing through a mosh pit before his eyes caught sight of a human among the others. You grinned at his expression. Dumb struck.

“Jesus. I hope they’re ready to be pestered.” Durzub chugged a few mouthfuls of mead before he scoffed, “Whenever he gets that look, he ends up heartbroken a week later.”

“Well, it might be different this time, you know?” You smiled back at Durzub, “Maybe this is the one!” You cooed.

“You’ve got fairy tales in your head and cotton candy to go with it. He’s going to have a one-night stand then not shut up about her for the next three weeks.” Durzub held up three fingers as he drank some more, “Or he’ll relay every little detail to us on our next outing. He has zero filter.”

“I can tell that much.” You laughed as you shuffled back in your seat, “What about you then, have you met your one?”

“My one?” Durzub scoffed, “Hardly. How old do you think I am?” He leaned on his fist and pointed back at himself, giving you a curious look.

You felt like this was a trap, “Are you doing this so you can get mad when I guess wrong?” You asked as you pushed the ice around in the glass.

“Hardly. I’m not sensitive.” He grumbled as his painted fingers tapped against the side of the pint glass.

“Hmm, if you say so.” You leaned over the table to squint at his face. You’d worked with a few orcs before, but most were young models, sharp featured and tall, broad in the shoulders. Durzub was the same, though his face had wrinkles in places which would suggest he was far over twenty years old, “Thirty-six.” You decided with a smile.

Durzub let out a low laugh, “Not far off actually. I’m thirty-eight.” He pointed to the stage, “And I used to do that. Played in a band until about five years ago. Started as a producer then. Never looked back.”

“Oh wow. Who did you used to play with?” You asked in awe.

“A gothic rock sort of deal.” He replied before he looked into your pleading eyes, and relented, “Zi Gijak.”

“No way.” You rushed to stand from your seat as you recognised the Orcish name, “Black Blood!?”

Durzub ducked his head, reaching for where his hat had sat before he realised, he wasn’t wearing it, “Keep your voice down, please.” He begged quietly, “I don’t need people in this place to recognise me.”

“How could they recognise you now? You look nothing like you did back in the day.” You stated before realising what you said sounded rude, “Not that you look bad now it’s just…”

He laughed at your awkwardness, “I know. I ditched the netting and bones a while ago.”

“You didn’t look half bad in it though, even five years ago.” You winked at him with a sudden rush of confidence, “Though I think this outfit suits you just as much.”

Suddenly, it was as though the intimidating exterior melted, and you watched Durzub’s face go flushed with embarrassment, “Thanks. It has been a change.”

Without making him any more embarrassed you changed the subject a little, “So what bands do you produce for now?” You asked.

“Quite a few. I used to work with SIREN before they got huge, but that sort of metal was never something I could do rather well, I thought.” He shrugged, “They’re with a more focused label now.”

“No way…This keeps getting better and better!” You uttered again.

“Better and better for you. They were a headache and a half for me!” Durzub chuntered into his drink before he swallowed the last bits of it, “I’m glad they’ve moved up. They were good for business.” He smirked over the edge of the pint glass.

“Only thinking of the money.” You tutted playfully, “That’s no way to treat your bands.” You joked.

“Oh no, but that makes me feel better knowing my weekly migraines are worth the agony.” Durzub chuckled as he watched the band on stage, “These guys ain’t half bad for a show though. I think I picked the best from the bucket.”

“They have an interesting ensemble.” You smirked at the leather clad demoness as she slinked along the stage before she growled from her stomach, a crop landing against the hand of a handsy looking fan in the front.

“Interesting but it’s the sort of thing that gets you recognised.” Durzub noted as he watched, “This place is a refuge for all kinds of people. I’m glad Cal has got this place running with Weldrick.”

“Who’s Cal? I’ve met Weldrick. Giant bright white minotaur, right? Build like a brick shit house with all the piercings?” You recalled.

Durzub nodded, “That’s him. He’s about eight foot tall too. Scariest mother fucker I ever did meet.” He shifted in his seat, “Cal is the co-owner, but he’s not around that often. He’s a vampire, but he’s not people fond.” The orc shrugged before offering you half a smile, “We all used to work together, believe it or not.”

“Wait…” Your mouth dropped open, “I’m actually stupid.”

“Cal was the singer of Black Blood. Weldrick ran our security back in the day.” He laughed at your open mouth before he leaned over to close your mouth with two large fingers. He brushed his fingers over your chin before leaning back and pointing to your drink, “Do you want anything else?”

“I’m okay thanks. I’ll keep your seat warm.” You joked as he stood up with a nod and grumbled about having something better than ‘shitty mead’.

“I’ve never seen Durzub ever sit and talk with someone in a bar.” A deep, gravelly voice rang out from behind you. You turned around in your chair to see a tall, human looking male watching you, his sunglasses perched on the end of his nose as he regarded you with a mild amount of curiosity from over the lenses. He reached out a hand awkwardly, “Cal.”

“As in…” You took his hand, and flinched at the stone coldness of his grip, “Co-owner of the bar, Cal?”

“The very same.” He shook your hand lightly before his hand disappeared quickly back into his pocket, “I just came to say hello. I was curious. He hates attention in these kinds of places…”

“Just like you then, apparently.” You observed as you turned on your seat to face him. He was a giant man, but stony cold, and overly pale, looking almost grey around his reflective, steel-coloured eyes. They shone red as he turned, the bouncing curls of black hair spilling over his shoulders before he reached for a cigarette packet and cursed, seeing it was empty with only his lighter inside.

“Cal?” Durzub returned with a large looking ale in his hand, “Weird time to show yourself. Unless you were planning to steal this one for a snack, hmm? As usual.” He scoffed.

“You know I’ve been off the blood for years…” Cal whispered as he rummaged in his other back pocket, before finding a small, slim packet of chewing gum, “I don’t…”

“Yeah. Save it. That’s what you said last time, Clarence.” Durzub huffed into his drink.

Cal’s back went ridged before he stooped over and unfolded the wrapper of his gum, “You don’t get to call me that.” He whispered again, his gravelly tone rumbling in the back of his throat before he slunk away, back into the shadows, and disappeared in a shadowy wave of his black hair.

“Sorry you had to see that.” Durzub rumbled from across the table, “Its…complicated.”

You span back around and smiled, “Don’t worry about it. I think Pip had more of a fight with Xurek.” You snickered as you turned to spy her sat at the bar, batting her eyelashes at Flix as he served, “Though I think she’s okay now. She’s turned her eyes on a certain someone.”

Durzub looked down at the bar and laughed as well, “Well I guess you know her type now.” He joked as he sipped at his ale.

“Yep. Scary pretty boys, who aren’t part of your friends.” You snickered as you sipped at the last of your cocktail and refreshed the glass.

The band on the stage purred their final song as you took another drink, and you looked at your phone with wide eyes at the time.

“I have to get up tomorrow for errands.” You lamented, looking at the clock. It was almost midnight, and you knew Pip would be here for hours if you left her to her own devices.

“So, this is where the night ends.” Durzub laughed before he finished the last of his own drink, “Here.” He tugged out his phone, “Let me give you my number?”

You nodded and took your phone out to exchange numbers before checking it was working and showing him the message came through okay.

“Thank you for tonight.” You smiled at him, “We should do this again.” You leaned over and carefully placed a kiss on his flushed cheek, “For an grumpy music producer, you’re funny to be around.” You took your bag and looked at Xurek, who was busy pressing a human against the far wall, “And look after Xurek, huh? Looks like he might just get himself into trouble again.” You descended the stairs just as the orcs started cheering for the male and shook your head.

After speaking to Pip, and confirming she had a taxi to get home, you exited the bar and shivered in the cold, before you felt a warm presence behind you, and a hand catch your own.

“Hey!” Durzub grunted as he caught your hand, “Let me walk you home?” He asked, “No way in hell I’m staying to watch those lot gawk at Xurek strip a human down.” He sneered. His sneer softened as you interlinked your fingers together and squeezed his hand before looping an arm through his own, leaning into his body heat.

“Sure. You can walk me home.” You leaned into his arm again and smiled, “I live three blocks away, so it’s a bit of a short walk.”

“Better to spend time with you.” Durzub whispered before he looked at the night sky, “I’m still sorry about what happened with Cal…”

“Honestly, it never happened, okay?” You patted the orc’s large arm, “We all have our differences and reasons.”

“Still. I was rude.” He huffed before he reached for his hat and tugged at the brim, “I’m glad I got to meet you at least tonight.” You tried to ignore the way he tugged at his bottom lip before he adjusted the decorative chain over his lip and smiled, still a little awkward.

“Me too.” You purred back at him.

The messages started off polite between the two of you, but it was quickly a regular thing for you both to message back within a minute or two depending on if Durzub was working in the studio or you were in meetings. You were both enamoured. It didn’t take long for you both to meet again, eating together in a restaurant which was a little bit too expensive for you. It was high end, and suited Durzub as he sat there eating, looking intimidating as he ate couscous and chopped vegetables before smiling and blushing with embarrassment as you complimented him and his outfit. For such a giant orc, with a bigger scowl, he was softened whenever you said something nice. Several nights together on dates lead to this one, finally going to his studio to see what he did, and to listen to something he had been working on. Excitement churned in your gut as you looked at the choker around your neck and touched the spikes around its surface before flicking the dog tag and grinning at yourself before you rushed for the door to meet Durzub.

“Hey!” You shouted at the orc. He was stood out on the pavement, dressed in an old print of a Black Blood shirt with a screaming orc and vampire on the front, blood dripping from both of their mouths. He was dressed in dark jeans, littered with pocket chains and a heavy leather duster to combat the cool breeze. He looked up from beneath his broad rim hat. Instantly, Durzub’s perpetual scowl turned into a small smile, and you took hold of his hand before leaning up to kiss his cheek before placing a soft kiss against his bottom lip. He was always a little slow to catch up, but he returned the kiss with a gentle rub of his tusks to your chin.

“Hey stranger.” He rumbled before he gestured to the building, “My studio is on the sixth floor.”

“This doesn’t look much like a record label building to me.” You hummed as Durzub led you into the reception. A naga waved him on up with you, looking back at her work with a hiss and a grumpy frown.

“Not yet it doesn’t. Wait until we get into the actual building. This is just the polite front for greeting people.” The elevator dinged as he pressed the button and the two of you climbed inside. He pushed the button for the sixth floor and you jittered with anxiety as it moved upwards slowly.

“I’m excited and nervous.” You whispered as the doors opened on floor two and let some more people in.

“Don’t be, baby. You’ll be fine.” Durzub soothed as you continued up.

The sixth floor was littered with records on the walls, gold, red, black and mixed dyes. You looked along the walls before Durzub tugged you down the carpeted hall. You followed a step or so behind, trying to read the framed records as you toddled behind him, little out of your depth. Durzub’s coat trailed behind him and you moved to not step on it as he stopped at his door. He unlocked it with a click of an electronic card and you watched the black door swing open to reveal the sound room.

“Wow.” You stepped inside in front of him and looked at the expensive sound equipment, keeping your hands to yourself to avoid being told off or ruining anything, “This is some expensive gear.” You grinned at him, “And pretty.” You peered past the soundproof glass to see the guitars and drum kit in the recording box and smiled at the pointed-v design one, knowing it was from when he played with Black Blood.

“I knew you’d spot that one.” Durzub said mildly before he threw his coat over a speaker and collapsed into his large office chair, the leather making him shiver with the cold against his arms, “This is where I spend most of my life, making kids realise that riffs are stupid in the wrong places.” He scoffed before tugging you a chair from the other soundboard and patting it, “Come sit. I have some things to show you.”

Carefully, you placed your coat on top of Durzub’s before joining him by the large computers, eyeing the two screens as he logged in, squinting at the screen.

“Fuck. Glasses.” He reached into his desk drawer and pulled free a set of circle frame glasses, putting them on before cringing and looking back at you, “Not as young as I used to be…”

“You look cute in them.” You gushed as you scooted the roller chair forwards and made sure to sit as close to him as possible, “Being able to see is important, even if you don’t look as scary with glasses on.” You teased.

“Yeah…” He let the words drop off as he found what he was looking for and pulled free two sets of expensive headphones. Durzub leaned over and gently tucked them over your ears, holding them and holding up an ‘okay’ sign before he donned his own and pressed play. He leaned back in his chair and you sat impatiently before the noise of a gentle synth graced your ears, opening with a gentle melody before a guitar followed the same rhythm before chugging to life with slow riffs. It was gentle somehow still as the guitar started on a slowly moving rhythm along into the beginnings of a verse, sung by a vocalist you recognised as Durzub. The lyrics lilted about roses on a hill, growing in a graveyard around a forgotten tombstone before you grinned at the references to old vampire movies that the two of you enjoyed. The chorus was met with a litany of soft guitar and synth before a drum solo full of soft cymbal carried on. It was something made for the two of you, and you wondered just how long Durzub had spent making this song. Looking at the poorly hidden bags under his eyes, you figured it had been most nights after work.

In the closing synth of the son, you laid your head against Durzub’s arm, against the tattoo of the roses around the gravestone. You pressed your lips to his skin gently before smiling and tugging the headphones down to around your neck, smiling up at the orc. Durzub copied the motion with another small smile, reaching to stroke at the top of your head

“That was beautiful. It’s hard to believe you made that just for me.” You whispered against his warm skin as the orc flushed with embarrassment, “Did you mean the part about making love on graves?” You teased gently before you slipped from your own chair, and into his lap, your fingers sliding up over the tattoos on his arms, tracing the thorns of the roses down before you traced the edge of the stem curling over his collar bone.

“Maybe not. Stone gives you a bad back.” He rumbled as his pupils went wide, watching your fingers as they slipped under the collar of his t-shirt, “But I would worship you just the same.” His hands moved from the computer to your hips, his fingers pressing into the meat of your backside before he leaned forwards to kiss you. You gladly accepted the advance, kissing the orc back, your tongue licking at his lips before you traced the rings around his tusks and wrapped your arms tighter around his neck.

A soft moan escaped Durzub’s mouth as you pulled away. His lips were puffy and you leaned forwards to bite his lip, enjoying the second croak that escaped him as you leaned back on his thighs.

“What about this desk?” You asked under your breath.

Durzub grumbled, “There’s a lot of…” Your hand meeting his crotch shorted his brain for a moment, “I can make room.” He grumbled before he pushed the keyboard and monitor aside, leaving the desk free for you both. You laid back over the wood and grinned as you tugged on one of his tusks, forcing his face down so you could lay another kiss on his lips. Durzub moaned again as you reached up into his dark hair, tugging the braids at his scalp.

“Maybe you should make good on your song lyrics.” You purred as you kissed his cheeks and then bit at his neck before sucking a mark under his ear.

“Fuck.” Durzub hissed before he leaned over you, his fingers tugging at your clothes before he admired the collar around your neck and gave it a tug, “I hope you didn’t have any other plans.”

Neither of you saw the audio recording button flashing red.

‘Everything was recorded. I’m keeping it. See you at the bar. x’

#orc x reader #male orc x reader #orc x gender neutral reader #orc #orcs #monster x reader #monster bf #monster bf x reader #monster boy x reader #monster boyfriend #my writing #original works #reader insert

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sadachmesarthim · 4 years ago

Photo

yes this is a rewrite, feel free to fry my ass on anon about it.

content: starker being mean to each other, peter parker has Supportive Friends™, tony has daddy and mommy issues, quentin beck is a Mean Boss™, smoking, secondhand smoke.

word count: 3.0k

square filled: coffee shop au -> link to playlist here

part two is here!

a little vocab lesson before continuing: mobster = really high up in the chain of command for this group of coffee shops. they go around training new hirees, and often decide who gets to move up the line of command. they get to travel on company money, and are very well respected in the workplace. mobsters usually come in groups - siblings, hires from the same groups, etc.

Tony didn't like Richland.

Sure, okay, it was a serious step up from Federal Way. He was free from his parents, he could do whatever he wanted in a house all to himself, no one knew who he was - it was a refreshing change, one he definitely needed now that he was graduated, all grown up.

He'd moved back east about two months ago. He'd wanted to get as far away from home as possible, stretch his legs - he went under the guise of missing his grandma, wanting to go to school. He wasn't a terrible liar, either. Howard and Maria'd eaten it up, encouraging him to go as soon as he could.

"If you go now, you could get there in time for summer classes. Maybe even get a job before they stop hiring seasonally. You never know, but you might as well try!"

So here he was. Still jobless, still not yet enrolled in school. Enjoying his time in the (now autumn) sunshine, biding his time before he ran out of money. He'd planned well - he had enough cash to keep him covered for a while, as long as he didn't go blowing it.

He'd blown it.

He was a sucker for good coffee, though, and he missed Outback. He'd worked at one back home for almost a year before he left, and now... now, it was like an itch he couldn't scratch - he needed the interaction, needed to go make friends. He was too much of a social butterfly.

Yet again, he found himself in his truck, on the way to the nearest stand. He was pathetic, really. Here he was, wasting more money on coffee, when he could be out hiking or climbing or... literally doing anything else.

He knew it was worth it the second he pulled in. The cutest kid was running lines that day - shorts hugging his tight ass deliciously, in a way Tony knew his operator would get in trouble for if a Mobster or Coach saw. Christ, they lettin' just anyone work here now, that it?

He had to keep his thoughts to himself, though - the kid had just finished the cars in front of him, and was headed straight for Tony, iPad in hand. He took a breath, putting on his best poker face. He needed a fucking cigarette.

"Hey handsome! Welcome to Outback, what're we drinkin' today?" Shit, he's cute. All bright and cheery - it might be fake, sure, customer service voice and all - but boy, did he play the part well. All big eyes and wide smile. He looked up at Tony expectantly, right hand hovering over the screen of the runner iPad. Shit, he still has to order something.

"Hi, just a small iced white vanilla breve please." Tony watched as the kid pressed a few spaces on the tablet, shocked at how fluidly he moved. Tony'd never seen him at this location before, but he obviously knew what he was doing. Location transfer, maybe? Mobster? He wasn't sure.

"Perfect! I've got you in - anything else, love?" God, he was too much. There's no way this was just the sickly facade Outback enforced - no, this was all him. "Nah, I'm okay. I'm paying card today, too." He reached his hand out for the tablet, wanting to tip this kid specifically.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, this card reader's broken. The one up at the window's working though! My girl Maia'll be up there waiting for you!" He turned with a smile, skipping off to the next car.

Jesus, who was this kid? And what did Tony have to do to see him again?

•|||•

Return an application, apparently.

Maia, the girl at the window, had let him know that they were hiring. He didn't have to feign interest - he had relevant experience, could work his way up if he needed to - and he'd get to see the mystery boy again. She'd ran and grabbed a small stack of papers for him, which he dutifully filled out and brought back a couple of hours later.

The closing shift lead had briefly interviewed him, practically giving him the job on the spot. Apparently she'd met his sister on a Mob trip, before - it paid to have connections, but damn... someone in town already knew who he was. Oh well. Not a big deal. These were still new people, fresh faces - he could make a clean reputation for himself, a fresh start...

It was exactly what he needed. And if he needed to use a bit of his influence with his sister to get it... so be it.

•|||•

"Emma, please, just... don't be a dick when he calls you. I need this job, it'll be good for m-"

"Save it, Tony. I don't want your excuses. If I say I'll do it, will you leave me alone?" She was being unusually short with him. Fuck. She and Rhodey were fighting again.

"Yes, yes, anything. Thank you so much." He was met with a bored sigh.

"Whatever, dude. I'll put in a good word. Talk to you later." She hung up before he could say anything else. Whatever - it wasn't the worst conversation he'd had with his sister, but it left a lot to be desired.

They hadn't been doing well since she & Rhodey got together. It was on-again-off-again... and they were honestly both to blame. Neither one of them was good at commitment, and it showed.

It put strain on both of their relationships with Tony, and didn't do much to help keep him in Federal Way. He sought comfort in the isolation of a new town, but it didn't seem to be helping anything.

Leaving never did, but it was really all he knew how to do.

•|||•

Peter hadn’t been at Outback long, but he’d enjoyed every minute of it.

He’d gotten hired almost immediately after graduation, not wanting to waste a second of his summer not making money. It was a bit of a difficult transition - he wasn’t a big fan of Beck, his boss, and training was really overwhelming. But after he’d hit that twelve week mark... it’s like something just clicked.

He was a whiz on bar, he was making friends right and left. He and Maia’d even gone to get tattoos together a couple weeks ago during a flash sale. He was getting faster and faster at running cars, he knew almost all of his regular customers. He genuinely felt like part of the family.

That didn’t really change when Beck hired a new group, either. There weren’t too many of them, helping keep their group small. They’d been spending a bit of time in the stand here and there, going over the rules, the ins and outs of making coffee, taking their menu test.

The three he was introducing today seemed okay enough. He just barely caught the tail end of Beck's “congrats on becoming a full employee” monologue before the man set the fresh meat loose. Not that they could really go far - it was maybe a good spit's distance from corner to corner. But, if it helped them get their bearings...

He was pulled from his thoughts before they could take off too far. “Hey, Parker! Come say hi to the green beans!”

•|||•

The red haired girl was nice enough. They'd introduced themselves, exchanged snap usernames, gushed over Peter's tattoos, and bonded over the typical new job anxiety. He'd forged a sweet new friendship with Bri, and was hopeful she'd stick around. He'd seen people like her get chewed up and spit out in this industry, and he liked her.

The tall guy... was pretty boring, actually. He stayed on his phone for the majority of the introduction, opting to ignore Peter entirely. It was fine - he'd probably be gone by the end of the month. Not like they’d miss him - he barely passed his menu test, from what Peter’d overheard.

Then came Mr. Short, Dark, and Brooding - Tony, apparently - Peter remembered him from a few weeks ago. He’d given Peter a poorly concealed once-over, tried to take the runner iPad from right out of his hands... if he wasn’t so attractive, Peter’d pin him for a fuckboy.

Despite how much he looked like he’d wanted to back then, when given the opportunity, he didn’t really engage with Peter. He apparently wasn’t the type to keep eye contact, go in for a hug, make small talk. 0 for 2. Disappointing. Oh well. That’s fine - Peter was perfectly content as the only guy at this location (sans Beck, of couse). Too much testosterone didn’t foster a healthy working environment, and they all knew it.

The girls, especially. They all gushed over Peter - apparently being the token gay guy in the stand somehow made him exempt from the targetted harassment. Nearly every guy they’d hired had left within 9 months - coffee was definitely a female-dominated field.

Peter was excited to see how these two fared.

•|||•

The tall guy was gone within a week. Didn’t even leave notice, just up and stopped showing up to his shifts. Not that it was the end of the world - he was still in his probationary period, so he wasn’t even making tips. No sweat off Peter’s back.

Bri did really well, in comparison. Beck was unusually strict with her - lashing out during her initial first shifts, generally being a hardass. It was unnecessary, and everyone knew it - Peter often found himself having fridge or bathroom meetings with her to help calm her down. But she kept showing up, kept trying, and after a few weeks she was doing just as well as Peter and the rest of them.

Tony was even better. Peter’d heard through the grapevine that he’d worked at a different location when he was still in school. Why he had to go through training again was lost on Peter - Beck tended to be thorough when it came to these kinds of things, but Tony was arguably more experienced than some of Peter’s coworkers...

Apparently, it’s because he wasn’t one to play nice.

•|||•

It took them quite a while to work together. Peter’d found himself getting the shit end of the schedule, working 7-1s religiously. It was by far his least favorite shift - dealing with the morning and lunch rushes were nothing, if not exhausting. But he pushed through, and finally got a say in what he worked - a very comfortable 5 - close.

Tony seemed to fill the between-shift gap - 2-8 was his jam. He liked working later, but still getting home before dark. Apparently being a newbie meant drawing the short straw sometimes -

And the short straw just so happened to be barring with the twink from a few weeks ago.

He hadn’t been... avoiding him. Tony just... didn’t like the way he worked. Peter was flighty, always moving. It irked him... he was just so much, it made Tony’s head hurt. If he wasn’t so engaging he might actually piss Tony off - but he knew the kid had nothing but good intentions, and that made it bearable.

It didn’t translate to the bar, though.

It seemed nearly impossible for them to work well together. Tony’d been assigned the milk station for the last three hours of his shift - a long stretch, but nothing he hadn’t done before. Peter was on shots almost the entire time. Poor kid.

Tony’s sympathy ran dry when they actually began working. They were almost always on top of each other - Peter crowding his space and trying to do too much. It grated on Tony’s every nerve, made it difficult to function. Peter didn’t seem to notice at all - or if he did, he didn’t care.

It came to a head when Peter went for the fridge.

It was a pretty well-known rule that the person on shots doesn’t reach for the fridge. Not only was it too far away from their position on machine, it requires them to go behind their bar partner, which is dangerous in a shop this small. Hot liquids, ice, sugar... they can cause spills, burns, falls...

So of course this dumbass goes for the fridge. Opens the door. Grabs a can of cold brew with his bare hands before turning back around.

And running into Tony face first.

This would have been fine if it were literally anything other than a cold brew. This would have been fine if Tony wasn’t holding a fresh drink! But no - the universe lined things up just right, laid out the most well-planned disaster.

As they made contact, Peter’s hands flew up in shock, dropping the very pressurized can. It exploded as it hit the concrete, spraying nitrogen and foam-y coffee all over them. This caused Tony to let go of the drink in his hand, coating both of their lower halves in hot, sticky milk.

It was picturesque, the mess they made.

Tony looked up at Peter in absolute shock. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Why were you in the fridge?!”

“I was just trying to help! You were busy, I figured I could-” Tony cut him off before he filled the stand with more hot air. Not in the mood for his bullshit excuses.

“I don’t care how busy you think I am - you ask before doing something outside of your station. Do you understand me?” The look in his eye was one Peter’d never seen before - it probably should have scared him, but frankly, it just made him angrier.

“Who do you think you are to be giving me orders?” He was huffy, he could feel his cheeks burning red. He was an angry crier, and knew he was struggling to control his face.

“My sister’s a Mobster. I think I know what I’m doing.” Oh. That explained it - his experience, his proficiency on bar... why he was such a dick. Peter’d never met a Mobster he liked, and if this guy was related to one... shit just made sense.

•|||•

He spent the remaining few hours of Tony’s shift hiding in the back. They were better off separated, and neither complained. Tony could handle himself up front, and Peter was productive enough. He had chores to do, dishes to finish, the closing list to start... Getting an early start benefitted everyone.

By the time 8 rolled around, the atmosphere in the stand had relaxed. They’d both had a chance to clean up, the girls on window had helped ease the tension with casual conversation. Bri had been running, and Peter spent plenty of time in the back with her, hushed enough to avoid the ears a few feet away.

“I don’t see why he gets to walk all over us. You’ve been here longer, and the attitude isn’t necessary.” She was sitting on the edge of the sink, goldfish making their way to her mouth between words. “You know I don’t like him. I don’t see why you keep trying to be nice.”

Peter sighed. He knew she was right. “I just... I don’t want anyone here to feel left out, or like I did at the beginning. Beck can be mean... I want all of you to feel welcome.” It wasn’t a lie, either - he’d made a point to make everyone feel at home, to make this stand a family. Until Tony showed up, he’d been doing a great job.

“I know buttercup. Just... don’t go bending over backward for someone that won’t even look you in the eye.” With that she hopped down, ready to clock out.

Tony shuffled past them both, excited to do the same. Maia’d taken over the bar for him, alleviating him just before the four minute window was up. He didn’t even excuse himself, just inserting himself in their personal space without concern.

Bri shot Peter a look before she left. Talk to him!

He opted for bravery. He deserved an apology for Tony’s harsh words earlier today, and he was going to get it.

He checked the cameras before walking back, making sure Maia wasn’t gonna wind up swamped if this took longer than necessary. Tony was collecting his things - he had to do this fast.

“Hey, listen.” Tony looked up, unamused. “I know we didn’t exactly have a good shift, and yeah I’m partly to blame for that... but Beck doesn’t really vibe with hostility, and the girls...”

Tony cut him off halfway through. “What, it makes them uncomfortable? They don’t like it when a man takes charge, has a little outburst? Sheesh, y’all really are a mess.” What the fuck?

“Okay, seriously. I tried to be nice. You owe me, and the rest of us, a serious apology for today, or I’m going to Quentin about it. It’s not that hard to say you’re sorry, Tony.” Good job Parker, firm boundaries.

“I’m sorry? Sorry for what, doing my job? Fuck that, man. I’m out of here.” He opened the door and left, skipping past an oncoming car and heading toward his own.

Peter followed him. It was stupid, sure - but he needed to assert himself here. This was his stand, his home - and he was damned if he was going to let some... some asshole trample all over his home like this.

He caught up to Tony quickly, stopping him before he could open the driver’s door. “Why are you such an asshole? The girls are obsessed with you, you clearly have a leg up against everyone else in your group. There’s no reason for you to be acting like this, dude. You’ve been here all of what, a month?”

Tony took a long drag from his cigarette before answering. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. Now be a good little closer, and run inside. Finish your shift.” He exhaled the smoke into Peter’s face, getting into his car and driving away without another word.

What a douchebag.

#sorry i just flat out didn't like this #sfsummerbingo21 #starkerfestivalsevents #starker #peter parker/tony stark #peter parker x tony stark #coffee shop au #.mine #i'm so sorry mads #i know i'm a pain in the ass

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rachelbethhines · 4 years ago

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Tangled Salt Marathon - What Is the Point? (first half of S2 Recap)

So we’ve reached the mid-season finale of season two and so now's as good a time as any to recap and summarize thus far.

You can find the recaps for season one here To Filler or Not To Filler Hey, What Ever Happened to That Varitas, Guy?

Episodes that are featured in this recap are as follows

Beyond the Corona Walls Part 1

Beyond the Corona Walls Part 2

The Return of Quaid

Goodbye and Goodwill

Forest of No Return

Freebird

Vigor the Visionary

Keeper of the Spire

King Pascal

There's Something About Hook Foot

Happiness Is

Max and Eugene in Peril on the High Seas

Curses

The Eye of Pincosta

Rapunzel and the Great Tree Part 1

Rapunzel and the Great Tree Part 2

Lack of Conflict

Season two has no ongoing conflict. There’s no external force driving the characters forward, no threat they have to overcome, and no reason given for their quest. As such there’s nothing to support the underlining internal conflicts that the series wants to tell.

Rapunzel can just go home if she wants to Cassandra can just leave the group whenever if she thinks she has more job opportunities elsewhere Eugene is only here cause Rapunzel is, and if he wants to avoid his past he can just stay in the caravan whenever need be Nothing is really stopping Eugene and Rapunzel from getting engaged There’s no need to listen to Adira

And ect. and so on. All of the main characters’ supposed problems fall apart when you realize they have no reason to do what they do, and less reason to not act upon what they want.

None of It Matters

Of the 16 episodes I’ve covered so far, only 6 actually matter in the long run and 4 of those are two parters.

Ten whole episodes of filler. Some might feature optional stuff, like a second of foreshadowing or just establishing how they got to a certain place, maybe even some character insight if we’re lucky, but no, most don’t tie into the final conflict nor the mains character development.

And of the six episodes I pointed out, even what they do offer is incredibly thin. A piece of the season’s macuffin, (aka the scroll), a short flashback to the Dark Kingdom, maybe a subplot with an important character introduction; yet most of the episode will be over stuffed with pointlessness or give us hints to things that’ll never be resolved nor explained.

Part of the problem is that most of it doesn’t connect back to all the worldbuilding we did in season one, and so most of the world building in season two winds up not coming back into play.

Some people have suggested that they don’t mind the filler because it ‘adds flavor’ to the proceedings. You don't want to order a hamburger with all the fixings to only get meat sandwiched between bread and nothing else. But with that same analogy you don't want to order that same hamburger and get a salad with a few crumbs of ground meat thrown inside of it instead.

It’s about balance and Tangled the Series is very much a salad with mostly wilted lettuce. You might find a bit of shredded cheese here or a crumb of a crouton there; but it’s definitely not a hamburger.

Half the Characters Don't Even Need to Be Here

Hook Foot is useless Shorty is useless Lance shouldn’t be useless but he is Fidella is plot device not a character Owl is barely even on screen despite the fact that he’s supposed to be there for his part in season 3 And Pascal and Max only get one episode of focus, both of which were filler.

The consequence have having too many characters, particularly ones that don’t have anything to do with the main story, means that the writers are constantly juggling for ways to write them out or give them screen time at the expense of others. And by having this merry-go-round of character addition musical chairs, none of the group feel like a team let alone friends.

Yet Characters That Should Be Here, Aren’t

Adira, Lady Caine, Hector, and especially Varian all should have gotten more screen time because they all had unresolved conflicts.

Lady Caine is unceremoniously shoved off without gaining any closure. Adira keeps sneaking off for unstated reasons instead of sticking with the group, despite doing so actively undermining her goals. Hector never gets to fulfill his purpose. And Varian is written out of the show despite being the most plot relevant character.

In addition to those above mentioned characters, there was no shortage of characters that could have been given expanded roles instead of Hook Foot or Shorty.

The Baron and Stalyan could have been more prominent villains; same for Weasel or the Stabingtons. Faith would have made a good secondary female friend for both Rapunzel and Cassandra, while being different enough to them to stand out on her own. Calliope would have been another option to fulfill that role, and she would have been useful as the group’s recent tour guide given all the knowledge she has. Then there’s Angry and Red, both of whom shouldn’t have been left on their on.

Conclusion

The clear mismanagement of this show is mind boggling. I don’t know how anyone who has ever worked in the industry before could screw something up this badly. Not without facing some sort of corporate mandated changes and a shake up of the creative team at least. But there’s no indication that that is what happened. Now add in the bad PR from the head showrunner and yeah, it’s no wonder the show plummeted in ratings after this.

#tangled #varian #anti-tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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concubuck · 3 years ago

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Dinner Date (and Dessert) - chat log 8/28

Alastor a.k.a. Buck (hi there) has a date night with Alastor a.k.a. King (@akillingspreeinwhite).

It turns out that when you hook up a concubus with the ruler of hell, what you get is the sexual equivalent of a perpetual motion machine. They simply do not run out of stamina. Truly horrifying to behold.

King

👑 Good evening, my dear! Would you happen to have tomorrow night free for that promised dinner?

Buck

Completely free! Shall I pencil you in? I hope if I give you an address you can find your way to the right universe?

King

👑 Yes, of course! It's a simple thing for me. Shall I arrive around say 7 o'clock?

Buck

7 o'clock is perfect! I'll arrange a room. I hope you don't mind a hotel room; I'm afraid I don't have a dining space that's fit for a guest.

King

👑 That works just fine for me, dear! Send me the room number when you have it.

Buck

I'll see you soon, your majesty~

King

👑 Indeed you shall!

Buck

He got a room in a hotel he’d frequented several times before, one of those stainless-steel-and-glass-and-exposed-brick places that thought “industrial” and “high-end” belonged in the same sentence as each other. Usually he visited it for the jacuzzi and the floor-to-ceiling windows—but for this trip, it had a well-stocked kitchenette, too.

And he could hardly focus on cooking. He kept catching himself with one hand on the spatula and the other trying to sneak under his apron. Just a few hours, and he’d be meeting *himself* face-to-face, for the first time—be stared at by his own eyes, heard by his own ears, close enough to touch, to claw, to bite—

But dinner first. Technically, neither of them had promised more than dinner yet. He was at least going to get that right.

And by 7 o’clock, distractions aside, he’d managed to finish dinner, clean up, set up the radio in the kitchen, and find a spot to perch by the door while he anxiously awaited his date.

King

The radio crackled to life, playing a quick instrumental tune, and a portal sprang open-- and through stepped King. His lips stretched in a grin, he dusted off the lapels of his white and red tuxedo.

"Good evening! Buck, I presume?" He asked, eyes glinting as he moved closer. His antlers, large as they were, knocked a bit against the ceiling and he laughed.

"Oh, pardon me! Let's adjust the antennae, shall we?" His antlers shrank down to a more manageable size-- still large, but far less tall.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, my dear!" He inclined his head.

Buck

He started at the sound—never in his life had somebody else wrested control of a radio away from him. He only had long enough to think *well, of course,* before the portal opened to admit his alternate.

And there he *was,* in all his glory. It was his own face, his own smile, even his own skin as it used to look before he gave up his humanity—and it was all aimed at him. He was very glad he'd added some tight underwear to the harness underneath his clothing, lest it be a little *too* obvious just how thrilling it was to meet himself.

Other than that, though, next to the king's tuxedo, he felt painfully underdressed. Just a black button-up shirt, sleeves rolled up, and slim pants—the compromise his sense of shame had reached with his eagerness. He wished his shame had won a little more ground.

"Ah—*yes.* The one and only—so to speak." He laughed somewhat breathlessly, heart hammering in his chest. Collect yourself, idiot. "I should downsize too. There's probably a rule against having a hat bigger than the king's, isn't there?" And anyway, the large antlered heart looming over his head felt a little *too* obvious. It was only with difficulty that he managed to reign the majority of it in.

"The pleasure's all mine, sire—do you prefer 'sire'? Tell me how formal I should be, I'm new to cross-universe etiquette."

King

"Just King will do, my dear-- or if you'd rather a pet name, that's fine by me, as well. No need to stand on formality when it's just us two, hm?" He winked, and held his hand forward-- an offer for Buck to place his own and perhaps receive a kiss to his knuckles.

"The pleasure is mine, of course, to be your guest this night."

Buck

Buck's grin stretched wider. "We'll have to see what pet name seems fitting, won't we?" He winked back.

Hands! Damn, he should have worn gloves—he was *very* glad he hadn't worn gloves—he immediately placed his hand in King's. "It's not every day I entertain royalty. I hope I can offer you a meal fit for a king." Is he talking about dinner or is that a euphemism? (It's both.)

King

King placed a soft, warm kiss on Buck's knuckles, his thumb rubbing over them after. He didn't release the other's hand, instead drawing him up.

"Well then, no point in dallying about, let's eat, shall we? I'm positively _starved_."

Buck

Just ignore the fact that at the kiss a good 20% of the antler mass he'd just whisked away was now back—aaand there went another 30%.

"You and me both! *Utterly ravenous*." That would be a perfect opportunity to go for King's mouth; but instead he restrained himself to pressing his thigh to King's as he tipped his head toward a dining table past the kitchenette. (He'd opted for stupidly decadent—filet mignon and lobster.) "It took all my willpower not to start without you."

King

"Oh, look at that! Simply scrumptious!" King cooed, eyes on the meal set on the table-- though they flickered to Buck with a flash of a wry smirk.

King released Buck's hand to sweep behind the other's chair, pulling it out for him like a proper gentleman.

"I'm sure! It must've took an immense amount of will to get through that ordeal!" He chuckled.

Buck

Odd how the room felt a little bit dimmer when King was looking away from Buck.

"You have no idea." As he took his seat, he broke eye contact with King for the first time since he'd entered the room—but turned to catch his gaze again as soon as he could. "I had to make a special surface trip just for the lobster. It will be well worth it."

King

King pushed the seat back into place, before taking his own with another sweeping, elegant movement. He smiled at Buck, gently and genially taking his knife and fork in hand.

"It certainly will, I haven't had lobster in days," He said, smirking as he cut a nice bite of steak. He let out a low moan when the meat hit his tongue.

"Mm, simply divine."

Buck

*Days,* he says. It was a good thing Buck had gone for decadent, imagine if he'd dared to stop short.

"Oh, that *is* good. Not to pat my own back, but!" He laughed. "*Next* time, you ought to tell me what you'd like to taste. I'll see what I can do."

King

"My tastes can be quite varied and wild, I'll have you know." He laughed, taking a bite of the lobster. "I'm sure whatever you dish up would be well to my liking."

He winked again.

Buck

At this point it was like he'd never tried to retract his antlers at all. "Good, then we're well-matched! We'll have to *experiment* sometime."

(Did he have control over the hotel radio again? Time to turn some background music on. Not having music was weird.)

King

"That sounds simply wonderful, I whole-heartedly agree! We certainly should-- but since this is our first....dinner, then perhaps sticking to the basics for now." He took another bite.

Buck

"Oh, absolutely. One must master the basics before trying the more exotic recipes, mustn't one? But I'm sure you'll find tonight's *entire* menu equally enjoyable."

King

"I'm sure that I shall." He chuckled again, eating more of the steak and lobster. "Might I inquire plainly what you expect for the night? Just so we may be clear."

Buck

A blink. Okay, straightforward it was, then. Made things easier—even if it did make his face hotter. "Plainly, I'd appreciate at least one orgasm by the end of the night, and I'm *extremely* flexible on the specifics of how we get there. I don't like blindfolds, gags are hit or miss, and I prefer the lights on."

King

King smiled widely as he took another bite. "I guarantee more than one tonight. And it would be a shame for either of us to not see one another during. I never much like blindfolds either. Do you have a safe word? I know we're not going to do anything too wild tonight, but just for reference. Mine is Defeat."

Buck

"*Well!* I'll do my best to return the favor in kind." Don't mind him if he just. Stretches his legs. And maybe brushes an ankle against King's. "'Defeat' is fine, I tend to go with whatever my partner's using. Either that or just 'stop.' I doubt we'll get up to anything tonight that would make that ambiguous." He also doubted he'd want to say it.

King

King returned the touch to his ankle with one back, smirking as he took another bite. And lo and behold, his plate was empty. He _was_ rather large, a normal portion was small to him.

"Looks like I'm finished," He said, wiping his mouth with his napkin and grinning. "Are you?"

Buck

"Nearly!" He devoured the last few bites viciously—he hadn't been kidding about being ravenous. And to hell with etiquette, he was more eager to move on to dessert than to keep eating at a mannerly pace.

King

Once Buck was finished scarfing down the last bits of food, King rose and moved to pull his chair back out, and once more offered his hand to the other. Always the gentleman, it seemed.

"Shall be adjourn to the bed, then?" He purred.

Buck

Buck took King's hand—and his elbow. That's his now. Now that dinner wasn't distracting them, his eyes were once again firmly glued to King's face. "*Let's.*" He tipped his head toward the bedroom door.

King

King grinned wider, leading the way into the bedroom. With a light kick, he shut the door behind them, his free hand covering Buck's hand.

"I do want you to know that at first, I really did think you were only offering me dinner and nothing more, when you initially offered."

Buck

"I was afraid you might think that!" He laughed and pressed closer to King's side, his long tail loosely wrapping around King's leg. "I thought I'd have to be *extra* suggestive at the dinner table. But you worked it out before you got here."

(The radio's teleported itself into the bedroom. Don't worry about it.)

King

"That I did, and I was more than happy to oblige." King sat on the bed, tugging Buck into his lap. His hand cupped Buck's cheek, his gloved thumb playing with his bottom lip.

"Why don't you help me undress?" He cooed.

Buck

He gladly let himself be tugged down, straddling King's lap. Guess who's rock hard? (Spoilers: it's the same guy who's been rock hard this whole time.) "What an *honor.*" He slid his hands eagerly over King, briefly feeling his chest before getting to work undoing buttons. He let King play with his lip a moment, nibbling at the tip of his thumb, then tugged at King's glove with his teeth.

King

"Try the middle finger, it works better for that," he said, placing said digit's tip on the other's lips. His other hand reached to flick a button open on Buck's shirt, and he peeked beneath with a soft groan.

"You're wearing the harness....good," He purred.

Buck

"I'll try whatever you offer me." He kissed King's fingertip before tugging again on the glove, this time with more success.

His grin widened, impish around the glove still dangling from between his teeth. "I *thought* you might like that. It seemed like your colors." It felt like the exposed skin of his chest was blazing beneath King's gaze. If he hadn't already been neon red, he would be now.

King

"Seeing the back of it got me ever so curious about what the front looked like." He grinned, taking the glove with his now bare hand to toss aside. He swapped his hands, placing the tip of his other middle finger into those jaws-- and the warmth of his skin pressed against Buck's as his hand made contact with his chest.

"They are-- white and gold on red. Quite a lovely combination, no?"

Buck

"Mm-*hmm.*" He was already so revved up that just the touch to his chest was enough to make his eyelids flutter. He sucked on King's finger for a moment before dispatching the glove the same way as the first.

"So, what do you think?" He undid another button, exposing a bit more skin and harness. "Is the front as pretty as the back?"

King

"So far, yes. But I'll reserve full judgement for when I get to see it all." He chuckled, and his head tilted as he finally leaned in to kiss Buck. He nipped at the other's lower lip, the hand not on Buck's chest wrapping around the back of his head.

Buck

Oh, those *fangs.* His fangs. Was this what other people felt, kissing Buck? (Probably not—he suspected King had a hell of a lot more than three years' experience.) He kissed back, teeth teasing at King's lips, offering his tongue to be nipped at as well.

King

King delighted in the sensation of flesh between his teeth, of teasing it and playing with it, pricking it gently with those sharp tips. He accepted the tongue, so very gently scraping his teeth across it, as then his tongue joined the dance as well.

Buck

Buck hummed into the kiss—but there was only so long he could handle kissing before the lack of eye contact got to him. He rolled his hips against King's, pressing their groins together, and reached under King's coat to untuck his shirt—a reminder of what else they had on their plate.

King

King gave a small gasp at the roll of hips, and his hands moved to do away with the buttons on his vest. The shirt buttons followed, though there was still his undershirt to contend with.

King shrugged out of the jacket, and began to undo his bowtie. "I fear I wore far too many layers for these activities, didn't I?" He laughed breathlessly.

Buck

Buck smirked wryly. "And here I'd worried I'd underdressed." He helped King to undress where he could, and when he couldn't help, continued unbuttoning his own clothing. "But if you're *desperate,* we only really need you pants down, don't we?"

King

"I'd rather have it all off, this is bespoke after all." He winked and laughed.

Saying that, he tossed his jacket, shirt, and vest onto the floor. Seemed he didn't truly care about his suit all that much.

Buck

"Oh, then by all means! I'd hate for them to get dirty. I don't mind for my *own* clothes, but..." He tugged King's undershirt up over his chest, then paused, eyeing King's antlers. Nope, undershirt wasn't going over those unless King magicked it.

King

"Ah, yes, let me take care of that--" With a slight flourish, he simply yanked on the undershirt-- and it came away cleanly and in one piece.

"Ta-da~" He said, with a smarmy look on his face. He pushed Buck's shirt off completely, hooking fingers into the harness. "So pretty for me."

Buck

A laugh and a disembodied round of applause for King's magic trick. "Handy!"

He arched his back for King, leaning back with his hands on King's knees, showing off how the harness fit him and tugging back against King's fingers, drinking in the attention. "And all for your pleasure."

King

"Mm, what a lovely thing. All for me, how lucky I am." He grinned, one finger staying hooked in, while the other let go to gently drag his claws against skin.

With quick flicks of his feet, he removed his shoes, the socks just disappearing to and reappearing on the piled of clothes. "I think we're finally almost undressed," He said, laughing.

Buck

"*Nearly.*" He sat up and hooked his thumbs into King's waistband pointedly. "Should I... keep the harness on?" As if he didn't know.

King

"Yes, it's quite lovely. And it makes it far easier to manhandle you." He laughed. "Plus, I want to see how your equipment looks all caught up in it."

Buck

“Oh, *would* you!” He got up on his knees, took King’s hands, and guided them up to his own waist band. (… With maybe a quick detour over his ass.) “It’s quite a sight, if I say so myself! Perhaps you’d like to do the honors?”

King

"I would indeed like that very much!" King smirked, unbuttoning the pants before sliding them down Buck's hips. He licked his lips in anticipation.

Buck

Beneath his pants, he had on a tight black thong, just barely enough to keep himself restrained and certainly not leaving anything to the imagination. He wasn’t patient enough to wait for King to tug it off; he slid it down himself. He was almost painfully erect, tip already smeared with precum, framed prettily by the harness, a gold ring like the one around his tail in his photo wrapped around the shaft. Buck’s breath stilled as he awaited King’s reaction.

King

There was a short intake of breath at the sight, and a noise rumbled through him, somewhere between a purr and the rumble of thunder far off.

"Oh, that is _beautiful_," He said, quickly flipping them around to be able to lay Buck on the bed. Once situated, he nearly ripped the other's pants free and tossed them aside.

Buck

He could feel himself twitch at the sound of that sharp inhale, and he was sure he could feel that rumble like a vibration. He let King lay him down and finish undressing him, then eagerly spread his legs—here he was for King’s consumption, all of him on display, and King’s gaze felt like electricity across every inch of exposed flesh.

“I hope you’re going to let me see, too?” He stretched out a hand again toward King’s waist and his pants, not quite touching—waiting for permission.

King

King smiled, licking his lips. He moved closer, letting Buck's hands collide with his hips.

"Have at it, then. I'm all yours, darling." He winked.

Buck

“You honor me.” He pulled himself up into a sitting position by his grip on King’s waistband, then eagerly slid it down.

King

Pants and underwear both went down, and thus sprang forth his erection. Proportionally average on a demon of King's size meant it was quite large in size, standing at full attention. Not quite as eager looking as Buck's own, but certainly excited. King smirked.

Buck

To Buck, “excited” was the most important part. His smile didn’t change but a glint of hunger entered his eyes as he leaned closer, face inches from the tip. “A scepter fit for a king—hah! But you’ve probably heard that line before.” He placed his hands lightly on King’s thighs, close enough his fingers could brush the base of King’s cock if he wanted.

King

King laughed at the joke. "I have! But it still gets me every time." He chuckled a little more, and then smiled wider.

"I can see your eager for a taste. Go ahead, indulge yourself, darling."

Buck

He didn’t even reply; he just wrapped his hands around the base of King’s cock and leaned in, ran the flat of his tongue along the bottom side, and then slid the tip into his mouth. All with his eyes rolled up to keep watching King’s face.

King

King's breath caught, and he stared down at Buck, keeping his eyes on him. His hands wrapped around the other's antlers, grinning as he held tight.

Buck

Oh, to look up at his own face and know what a sight those eyes were seeing! If Buck dared try to stroke himself now, he was sure he’d immediately go off like a geyser.

He stilled when King’s hands gripped his antlers. “Do you want to take the reins?” (Don’t worry about where that voice is coming from when Buck’s mouth is clearly occupied. It’s probably normal.)

King

"No, do please continue, I was just getting a grip so as not to fall over in sheer pleasure." He winked, licking his lips again.

"I want to see what you can do."

Buck

“Well! If you insist…” Only the Radio Demon could smile so effortlessly with a jumbo dick stretching his jaw open.

And then he got to work, one hand gripping King’s ass to hold him close, head jerking back and forth to let King slide effortlessly into his throat, so ferociously and greedily that it wouldn’t seem far-fetched if he bit it off to keep it for himself.

King

King didn't try to keep himself quiet-- he wouldn't have been able to anyways, considering he was used to being as loud as he wanted-- and let his moans and groans fill the air. Mutterings of things like 'Good boy', and 'So pretty sucking my dick' intermixed with the noises. His hips moved with the motions of Buck, eagerly seeking more of that wet heat.

Buck

Every noise and note of praise was a hot jolt that zinged straight to his groin. He finally let himself wrap a hand around his own cock—it didn’t matter if he came this soon, he was pretty sure he didn’t *have* a refractory period anymore—and let his own orgasmic moaning contribute to the stimulation he was lavishing on King’s dick.

King

King let out a long moan of his own, tossing his head back as he lost himself to the sensation.

"Fuck, yes! Yes!" He groaned, hips snapping forward and back eagerly into the waiting mouth and throat. Another long moan signaled his own orgasm, and he spilled himself down Buck's throat.

Buck

Although that load was getting swallowed no matter what Buck did, he still tried to swallow it even harder, throat working around King’s dick. He jerked himself off faster, desperately trying to hasten a second orgasm—but it hovered just out of reach. That didn’t do anything to stop him from moaning just as zealously through King’s orgasm.

King

King panted softly, slowly pulling back to remove himself from Buck's mouth. He wasn't soft, no, far from it. His cock still stood proud, ready for more, and he grinned.

"What a lovely first course, I think I'm ready for the second," he said, lowering himself down further. He moved Buck's hand from his erection and swiped his tongue over the head, before taking the full thing in his mouth in one go. He started to bob his head quickly, his tongue sliding along the underside of his cock.

Buck

“Oh? What’s next on the menu—*ahh.*” It was half a noise of realization and half a moan. He let himself flop back down onto the mattress, tugging a pillow under his head to prop himself up just enough to watch King work. “Oh—*OH* that’s good, *oh YES.*” His own groans were easily as loud as King’s had been, although his dirty talk—what he could breathlessly get out between unfiltered moan—was less conventional. “You know, *most* people—“ he had to stop with a whine as he bucked up into King’s mouth, “—they’d prefer sixty-nining. But this—lets you watch and be watched. I—*hahh*—prefer that. Don’t you?”

King

"I certainly do!" King's voice was clear and crisp-- just as Buck's had been before.

"I'd much rather put on a show and what sort of show would it be without someone to watch+- or listen?" His head bobbed faster, and he chuckled, sending the vibrations through Buck's cock.

Buck

"*Oh,* so *true.*" His eyes narrowed to glowing yellow slits, Cheshire catlike. "I s-simply *need* an audience..." He was quickly losing his ability to carry on a conversation, or do much of anything but moan and gasp. He slung his leg over King's shoulder and gave himself up to pure noise and static. He was so close he could *taste* it. (Maybe he was tasting King.)

King

King could certainly taste it, and he hummed as his head bobbed, trying to give that little bit of extra stimulation to send him over the edge. His claws dug into his thighs, holding them down as he continued his work.

Buck

This time, when he spilled over, it was with a wail so loud it would be echoing through radio sets for miles around and a string of wild babble. There was something intoxicating about screaming his own first name as he came.

King

King swallowed down his load, sitting up as he licked his lips. He leaned down to kiss Buck, laughing against his lips.

"Third course?" He asked.

Buck

He shoved his tongue in King's mouth, getting a thorough taste of his own seed before he flopped back down. "*Please!*"

King

"Excellent. Do you have lube? We'll need to stretch you for me, I think," he said, smirking.

Buck

"We only need to if you're *into* that part of the process." Very few physical limits on a succubus. "But sure—I like this stuff, it's tingly." A snap and a bottle appeared in his hand.

King

"Oh? Good to know. I haven't fucked a succubus before," he said, laughing. He took the bottle and lubed himself up. King spread Buck's legs and lined up.

"Ready?"

Buck

"Really!" Now, that was a fascinating detail he'd have to ask about later. Much later.

He lifted his hips to give King a better angle. "Very!"

King

King placed his hand on Buck's hip, and pushed inside. He groaned, almost laughing at the feeling of the other around him. "You feel remarkable-- so welcoming, it's almost like you put out the mat for me!" He laughed more.

Buck

He immediately moaned, rocking against King, angling his hips to ensure King hit him *just* right. "Well—" he laughed shakily, "—you *are* my guest, and I do pride myself on being hospitable!"

King

King grunted as he pulled back and then thrust, laughing even as he did. "I think I'm the most welcome guest in Hell, then!" He continued to thrust faster.

Buck

"That's what I like to h—*ahh!*—hear!"

He met the thrusts as best he could, bucking his hips against King's, fists curled in the sheets hard enough to leave tears with his claws. Wasn't that a sight, King looking down at him while pounding him into the mattress. He hoped he was a sight worth looking at, but that was hard to control when each thrust had him seeing stars.

King

King found the perfect rhythm, the balance of speed and power that he knew would please, and stuck to it. His hand held to Buck's hip and he grinned wider, laughing in pleasure as he pounded the other.

"What a thrill, literally fucking myself!"

Buck

Buck laughed as well, a sharp, almost maniacal sound. "God, *isn't* it! Like watching a mirror but better!" A mirror couldn't watch you back.

He let out a particularly loud moan, "Oh, *f##k...* Like that, *just* like that—"

King

King panted as his hips snapped forward and back. His hand reached, and clasped around Buck's throat-- rough, but just holding-- and he turned his head aside to get to the smooth flesh of his shoulder. He buried his teeth deep, groaning into the bite and the taste of blood.

Buck

His hands flew to King's hand—not pulling it off but holding it in place—and he gasped sharply. The bite alone was almost enough to tip him over. He was desperate to return it, but—no, not with a hand around his throat. That said *stay down, stay put.*

"I'm gonna..." He laced one hand through King's hair, gasping, "Let me see your face when I come."

King

King's teeth released and he pulled back, mouth dripping blood. He stared down at Buck, panting as he continued to thrust, letting the other's blood drip onto his face and chest. His smile was a gruesome thing, but no doubt beautiful in it's own right.

Buck

Not much more gruesome than Buck's manic smile and wild eyes as his own blood dripped down on him. He stared at King's face as long as he could until another orgasm forced his eyes to roll back, his fingers digging into King's hand and clenching in his hair.

King

King grunted and panted, fucking Buck through his orgasm, and then leaning down to kiss him. He spread the blood over the other's lips, fucking him harder than before, grunting with each thrust.

"Fuck..." He muttered.

Buck

He was too dazzled and oversensitive to think straight. He kissed back automatically, biting at the taste of blood, groaning into the kiss with each thrust.

King

King panted harder, edging himself closer with every thrust, until he let out a cry of his own and came. His hand spasmed around Buck's neck, closing hard, but briefly. He stayed inside as he poured himself out, and the laid on top of the other demon, a laugh in his lips.

Buck

His voice went silent as King squeezed, nothing but the hiss of dead air; but only for a couple of seconds. And then he was loudly panting, staring up at the ceiling as he fought to catch his breath.

"*Well.*" Pant, pant. "And who says missionary is *boring*?"

King

"Only those who don't do it right." King's answer came quickly, even as he panted too. He pushed himself up and grinned wider.

"So, I suppose I did well? Up to your snuff and all that? Am I to get a standing ovation?" He winked.

Buck

"That would require standing, so no. I'm going to bask in the moment, and you're going to get a supine ovation." He applauded. A hundred invisible listeners applauded along. Some of them whistled.

King

King laughed, finally pulling out to flop onto the bed next to Buck. He let out a sigh of contentment and tucked his arm beneath his head.

"Thank you, thank you very much," He said. "I think _you_ deserve a supine ovation as well." He flicked his free hand, and even more raucous applause started, filling the room.

Buck

He kind of wanted to climb on and put it back in.

Oh, the thought of such a large audience watching... He flushed deeply enough that it managed to peek through his bright red skin, beaming broadly. "You're *too* kind!"

King

"I think we both performed splendidly! Very deserving of applause." The sound of clapping faded away, and King reached to wrap his arm around Buck and pull him close against his side.

Buck

Oh. *Cuddles.* Cuddles always took him by surprise. He could manage, though. He'd had practice. He magicked on his underwear (he was still half hard, and that sort of thing tended to ruin cuddles) and settled in against King's side, playing his part, arm draped across his waist.

King

King, meanwhile, summoned up a fresh rolled cigarette, and a holder for it. The end lit with a spark, and the took in a long draw. He blew out the smoke, and hummed.

"Do you smoke? I hope you don't mine me doing so, I tend to like one after a good fuck. Cliche it may be, but it does feel nice."

Buck

He gestured permissively. "Go ahead. I don't smoke myself, always thought it might damage my voice." He shifted himself up onto one elbow. "I wouldn't mind a drink, though. You?"

King

"Oh, certainly, I'd love one." He smiled, leaning to kiss Buck's cheek. "Whatever your having will work for me."

Buck

Affection, now. That would take some getting used to.

He summoned up a couple of glasses and offered one to King. "Vodka cranberry?" Cranberry juice was good to drink after sex. He'd heard that somewhere.

King

"Mm, delicious." He took another puff of his cigarette, pushing himself further into a sitting position as he took the glass. He sipped and smiled.

"I have a question: did you ever have sex before you became a succubus? Or did you simply have the hankering after?"

Buck

"Never had it before then. Never had the slightest interest. And then all of the sudden I had the interest thrust upon me." He let out a long sigh—but the person to complain to about one's sex drive probably isn't the person one just had sex with, so he let it go at that. "What about you? Did you always have a taste for it or did you pick it up somewhere?"

King

"I had my curiosities in life, but never more than a passing interest. I had libido, but no one with whom I wanted to pursue it. I had other things to think of. And then I died and found a partner whom I did things because he wanted. Then more happened and that was no longer an option, but my appetites had grown-- so now I indulge them with whom I will. No one that I've found sparks the interest itself, it's more...." He paused, taking a drag of his cigarette as he thought.

"It's more like I have the urge to simply do it, and so I find someone who is also willing-- and all the better if they're beautiful, no? Beautiful and amiable and _flexible_." He laughed. "I take my pleasures where I will, with whom I will. I have some favorites, but mostly, I'm not picky."

Buck

A nod in agreement. Good, they were on the same page on that. "I can't say I've ever looked at anyone and wanted *them.* What I've wanted is *their* want for me. I'm sure some people would call me selfish, but, well, I have to give them what they want to get what I want, isn't that reciprocity?" He smiled wanly. "Whoever stoked your appetite did you a grave disservice. Now *that's* selfish."

King

"I wanted him, and it was such a strange feeling. In the end, though, it wasn't to be-- my ambition outweighed the feelings we shared." He took another puff, and then another drink.

"Now I have a favorite concubine of sorts-- he even uses it in his marketing, and believe me, it does him wonders. 'The King's Favorite!' splashed everywhere can really rake in the money."

Buck

"Huh." He considered that as he took a thoughtful sip, then shook his head. "No, never wanted anyone like that." And thank goodness.

"Hah! I bet it *would.* Who is it, anyone I ought to know? Probably not, if his preferred clientele is royalty, but."

King

"You might still! He seems to be famous in most universes I've seen. It's Angel Dust." He chuckled and shrugged.

Buck

"Oh, the—what's he—a movie star? The fuzzy pink one? I've seen him on posters." He tried to recall if he'd seen any of Angel Dust's pornos as he took another sip. "I suppose he'd be an expert, being a professional and all."

King

"Porn star, yes! Though, in my universe he does porn audio broadcasts and stage performances, as well as regular sex work." He chuckled. "He's very good."

Buck

"I believe you. I never watched much porn, though." A shrug. "It doesn't do anything for me. Just frustrates me."

Stage performances, though—he liked the sound of that. He'd have to look into whether that happened around here. Well—strip clubs, he supposed, but he was imagining a larger audience...

King

"Oh, I don't much buy into the video porn. Some of the audio can be nice to listen to-- but that may just be because I like his voice." He chuckled. "He's a wonder to see on the stage, though, I recommend that. Quite the showman!"

Buck

"Hmm. Does he sing?" Sexual stage shows didn't do much for him either. He already knew what the coy stripper was hiding under their panties. 95% of the time there were only, like, two options.

King

"Sometimes! He dances, and does these acrobatics, it's very lovely. Maybe I could take you to see one of his performances sometimes-- mind, I'm talking about my own universe's variation, I'm not sure if the others do the same."

Buck

"Oh... sure, if he's got a particularly remarkable show anytime soon." He wasn't totally sold yet, but friends should meet their friends' concubines, probably.

King

"I'll have to see what all he's doing soon, I'll let you know." King smiled, finishing off his drink and his cigarette. "You might like him, he's very good at what he does."

Buck

"Well, if I can't trust my own taste, whose *can* I trust?" He finished his own drink and poofed the glasses away.

King

"So, I'd like to know: have I satisfied your hunger, or do you want more?" He said, smirking as he tilted his head and banished the rest of his cigarette.

Buck

He gave King an incredulous—and delighted—look. "Are you *offering* more?"

King

King snorted, and waved his hand. "Of course! I'm not just a....one, two, three and done kind of man! I'm yours for as long as you can stand me, darling." He winked.

Buck

His eyes brightened with glee. "Remind me to put your number at the front of my little black book." He snapped his fingers and his underwear vanished again.

King

"Oh, be sure to," He purred, grabbing Buck's wrist to tug him close. "You on top this time. Ride me." He ordered.

Buck

"Yes sir, with *pleasure.*" He rolled over on top of King to straddle him.

They were going to be at this a while.

#akillingspreeinwhite #chat log

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sure12345678 · 4 years ago

Text

How to loss your desire weight fast??

To lose weight and lower your belly, changes in habits and lifestyle can be quite effective, and can help you lose up to 2 kg per week, depending on the initial weight.

However, for this to be achieved, it is important to follow the recommended strategies every day.

1. Eat slowly and savor your food

Learn How To Loss Weight In A Right Way!!!

Eating slowly allows when the stomach is almost full, it sends a signal to the brain indicating that you have already received enough food and that you no longer need to continue eating.

However, people who have the habit of eating fast, their brain does not perceive this signal of satiety, causing the person to eat in greater quantities, in addition to this, it also reduces the time of contact with food and the pleasure of making better use of it

Respecting satiety is one of the main points to lose weight and avoid weight gain.

Satisfying the stomach with foods rich in nutrients and fibers such as vegetables, fruits, white meat and good fats, makes the metabolism work better and prevents the feeling of hunger for longer.

2. Drink more water throughout the day

You should drink plenty of fluids between meals, as this will help reduce hunger and fluid retention, because the more water you drink, the more urine the body produces, and with its elimination toxins are also released that impair the loss process.

What you can drink: water, coconut water, unsweetened natural juices, unsweetened teas;

What not to drink : soft drinks, industrialized juices, chocolate drinks and alcoholic beverages.

The amount of water to be ingested per day varies between 1.5 to 3 L per day.

3. Do physical activity

The type of exercise is not the most important thing, but if you take advantage of all the opportunities to burn calories whenever possible, it is of the utmost importance that you practice an activity at least 3 times a week.

Doing some daily activities can make a difference, try the following activities:

Climbing stairs instead of the elevator;

Get off one stop before work or school and walk the rest of the way;

Go out for a 10 minute walk after lunch.

Take the dog for a walk at night.

To increase your energy expenditure, try walking for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week, as this is one of the best physical exercises to lose weight, but also do some resistance exercises to complement your training.

4. Eat everything but in moderation

The body needs all the nutrients, so on diets in which carbohydrates are forbidden, the weight increases again shortly afterwards.

The best tips are:

Prefer skim milk and its derivatives;

Add 1 tablespoon of seeds to juices and yogurts like flaxseed and chia;

Eat a handful of nuts, such as peanuts or peanuts, almonds, walnuts, hazelnuts per day;

Choose only one carbohydrate source per meal, giving preference to natural foods;

Eat a raw salad before lunch and dinner;

Eat at least 3 fruits per day;

Avoid the consumption of simple sugars, avoiding drinking coffee, milk, yogurt, teas and juices with sugar;

Avoid eating after being satiated.

The consumption of fruits and vegetables several times a day, provide many fibers and vitamins, in addition to containing few calories, favoring the weight loss process.

5. Do not stay hungry

Eating small meals every 3 hours may seem exaggerated, but it is true that hunger does not appear.

In this way dividing the portions of food help to reduce weight.

Follow the tips below:

Put reminders on the cell phone or in the agenda advising that it is time to eat;

Always keep nuts in your purse or backpack, natural fruits that are easy snacks to make on the street;

The best snacks are: fruits, yogurts, carrot sticks, cucumber with avocado crushed and seasoned with salt and pepper, tomato in large cubes with a pinch of salt and olive oil, a boiled egg and nuts.

If a meal isn't possible throughout the day, just focus on maintaining the quality of your next meal and use these little snacks if you're hungry.

Little by little it is possible to understand that most of the time it is not about hunger but anxiety.

6. Write down everything you eat

Writing down everything you eat throughout the day is also a good strategy to lose weight, since in this way the person becomes more aware of what they eat and, in this way, they can identify errors and where to improve, being able to alter their habits food to lose weight, in case this is the purpose, and have a healthier life.

It is recommended that the registration be done every day and after each meal, as it is easier to remember what was consumed.

In the food diary it is important to indicate if it is breakfast, lunch, lunch, lunch or dinner, the time of the meal, the food consumed and the amount, the place where you ate and what you were doing at the time.

In addition, it must be recorded if he had company and how he felt at that time.

This record should be done for 3 to 7 days, since in this way it will be possible to have a better idea of what the eating habits are.

After registration, it is important to discuss all food choices together with the nutritionist, since in this way it is possible to identify errors and establish strategies to achieve the desired goal.

In addition, the nutritionist will indicate the best foods so that the person does not have nutritional deficiencies and can lose weight in a healthy way.

What to do if you can't lose weight

If you have tried several times to lose weight and have not succeeded, the ideal is to consult a general practitioner to analyze whether the thyroid gland is working properly, for example, since diseases such as hypothyroidism or polycystic ovaries can cause increased weight.

In addition to this, a nutritionist should also be consulted to carry out an evaluation of eating habits and other parameters, developing an individualized nutritional plan to achieve the proposed objective.

In cases where there is a health problem such as gastritis, asthma, osteoporosis or even limited mobility, the guidance and advice of doctors is essential to reconcile the diet with the use of medications and with the proper adaptation to the disease. so that in this way it is possible to lose weight by improving the quality of life and not the other way around.

Learn How To Loss Weight In A Right Way!!!!

#weight loss #lose weight #weight loss diet #weight #how to loss weight fast #how to loss weight #best weight loss tips #usa

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endlessdoom · 4 years ago

Photo

2002 A Doom Odyssey - 10th Anniversary Edition

Ultimate Doom megawad by various authors, spearheaded by Paul Corfiatis.

2002 (original release) 2012 (10th Anniversary Edition)

https://doomwiki.org/wiki/2002_A_Doom_Odyssey

E1M1: The Entry by Paul Corfiatis

The introduction to this iconic Ultimate Doom megawad starts with a solid small map that reveals the flow and vanilla visual style as well as the theme of the big project. This is a small map with a good, charismatic and fun progress system that makes use of small groups of enemies and scene variation. 3/5

E1M2: Helicopter Bay by Kristian Aro

We continue our adventure through a nice and simple map that traps us in tight corridors with varied enemies and a good flow of combat as well as a variety of secrets and areas to explore. 3/5

E1M3: The Doomed Lab by Paul Corfiatis (Exit to secret level)

Larger than the previous ones and with a well-defined combat in traps and varied encounters in corridors. The lighting is noticeable and a good general design of the level gives a nice feeling of progress through a classic tech-base. 3/5

E1M4: Substation 537A by Kristian Aro

Fantastic map that seems to be clearly inspired by the style of the first maps of the original E1. A collection of connected corridors with different areas that set up intense combat zones at all times, as well as a few dangerous surprises with barrels. 3/5

E1M5: Combat Station by Paul Corfiatis

A much larger map than the previous ones with a variety of scenes and a high amount of teleporting enemies. This map stands out for its use of acid as well as its textures that scream 90s style in all its glory. Combat tends to focus on standing in a certain area and attacking you until the wave of enemies ends, giving some emphasis on survival and the search for secrets. 3/5

E1M6: Toxic Treatment Plant by Kristian Aro

This is one of those maps that sticks to a visual theme and succeeds in achieving it successfully. As the title indicates, this is a medium sized map with a design focused on industry and toxics. The variety of areas are connected to each other in a thematic way creating a sense of realistic narrative quite appreciable. Combat focuses on filling different areas with a variety of enemies, usually next to plenty of barrels of toxic waste. The crate storage area stands out visually and thematically on this map, offering something different and welcome. 4/5

E1M7: Service Base by Paul Corfiatis

More in the same style as HUB-arcoiris but with an excellent variety of areas to explore and interesting encounters in each meter we advance to reach each key. I like the idea that the map is in the heights, giving a great feeling of dreamlike design in the scenes where we can find windows. The dynamic combat is enhanced in the way it is presented in each area to get the keys, and that coupled with one of my favorite MIDIs make this a great map. 4/5

E1M8: Paradox by Kristian Aro

What is an E1 finale without a map with Barons as the final battle? Well, while in the original we have 2, here we have a good group of Barons to fight. The map starts with a cool intro that alternates the tech-base style to the classic Hell of Doom, and then introduces us to the final battle in a cool arena full of detail and sweet visuals. 4/5

E1M9: Lugano Base ZR-X by Paul Corfiatis (secret level)

We heard you like tech-base, so we put more tech-base inside your tech-base so you can play tech-base. Basically this map and this episode, but that doesn't mean it's bad. This is a sprawling hub style map that throws huge amounts of enemies at us in blobs to create satisfying meat and gore combat. Variety of large areas with height give us plenty of room to have fun on a little odyssey through this new/old tech-base. Nothing special like a secret map, but fun. It is worth mentioning a swastika in the blue key room, I guess a reference to Wolf3D. 3/5

E2M1: Station Alpha by Paul Corfiatis

The small box store starts the introduction of the E2. This is a small map with a simple layout that, like the author's previous maps, follows a classic and understandable Hub system where we will go around several paths while capturing the necessary keys. The number of enemies has increased slightly, as well as the challenge, so we can say that things are going to get hot. 3/5

E2M2: Station Beta by Chris Hansen

The perfect blend of tech-base with a little bit of corruption. The atmosphere of the map stands out thanks to its excellent use of vanilla textures and attention to detail, evoking a sense of abandonment and desolation at all times. Coupled with a moving gameplay and a large amount of gameplay thanks to the use of various enemies, this is a fun map that takes us through a deep base from top to bottom. Cool, fun and beautiful. 4/5

E2M3: The Lost Labs by Rory Habich

Tender medium map with a fairly clean style that seeks to create a technological atmosphere with a bit of progressive storytelling. This map takes us through long corridors as we take on a few enemies. Lost Souls dominate the map, as well as the color blue. Overall, it's a simple, modest, cute map. 3/5

E2M4: Shotgun Blues by Paul Corfiatis (Exit to ZDoom bonus level E5M1)

What appears to be a small level at first, hides much more than meets the eye. The development of the map is revealed as we advance deeper through its intricate corridors and open spaces. It combines excellently well the styles of tech-base with hellish fortresses and even forgotten caverns. With a multitude of teleporter traps, combat is unleashed arena-style, including varied combat scenarios throughout the duration of the map. With 10 secrets in total, this is a map that cries out for you to explore, although a large majority of the secrets are so well hidden that you'll probably need a guide to complete it. Luckily, if we do this we will be rewarded very, very pleasantly. Overall, it's a fun and fantastic map to explore. The secret areas are worth it. 4/5

E2M5: Fortress of Fatalities by Paul Corfiatis (Exit to secret level)

I have a special place for classic map fortresses. As we can see, this is a map designed around the idea of creating an infernal fortress. The design focused on establishing a solid blend between the palpable architecture of the brick hell along with a bit of flesh corruption, creating a nice theatrical environment that works as a nightmare scenario. Combat unfolds on the basis of different fixed scenarios, usually near the keys, being these areas guarded by high amounts of demons that sometimes work in waves. In itself, its charismatic design and my weakness for fortresses make me feel obliged to say that I love it. It is good. 4/5

E2M6: Between Demons and Insects by Rory Habich

We start in a small room with two paths that slowly but dynamically reveals the rest of the map, until it evolves into a long odyssey with a huge amount of demons to kill. Excellent scenery variation and intense combat make this a pretty hot map that raises the difficulty expectations as we advance in this challenge. Near the final area we will find an interesting zone with teleporters and a long fight against a multitude of demons. 3/5

E2M7: Puzzles to Solve by Kristian Aro and Paul Corfiatis

If you were expecting puzzles, well, I'm sorry, the truth is that there aren't any. This map is more like a kind of puzzle pasted together, giving a discordant idea of design that manages to work thanks to good detail decisions and texture work, giving opportunity to tasteful fights that develop pleasantly around the entire map. 3/5

E2M8: Total Disturbance by Paul Corfiatis

We end the second episode with a nice and decent boss map, as we can expect. The introduction to the map is a fantastic way to set the mood and hype towards the final battle, to reveal a huge arena with a holy natural pool and towers surrounding it, as well as Cacodemons and our illustrious Cyberdemon. I like it. 3/5

E2M9: Dungeon of Hate by Paul Corfiatis (secret level)

Excellent secret map with Heretic's visual theme. Lots of traps from the start and a few unexpected tricks that give it a great aura of mystery and precuation in every step we take. With well designed combat, pure power and violence, as well as great overall architecture and layout design, this is one of my favorite secret maps. 4/5

E3M1: Gatehouse by Sam Woodman

A beautiful entrance that opens to a hellish corner. This small iconic map marks the beginning of the third episode with an excellent demonic touch thanks to a detailed architecture in a simple and small layout that sets a good rhythm of movement. Dynamic in terms of presentation and fluid in terms of combat, it's a great level with sweet touches of lighting and good design philosophy. 4/5

E3M2: Caves of Bosnia by Paul Corfiatis

Deep and full of atmosphere. This map pleasantly complies with the visual design, creating a hellish level with excellent design touches that manage to capture that atmosphere of sin. On the one hand, the gameplay jumps back and forth between fun and tedious. The traps and scenarios do a good job of the combat, but there's an obscene amount of Lost Souls that do nothing but halt our progress and make us waste ammo. 3/5

E3M3: Stronghold of Damnation by Rory Habich

With an open-ended style that has us go on a quest for keys to slowly progress through the map, this level has a good sense of direction and progress, as well as a chaotic gameplay that is fun and challenging without being tedious and annoying. The earthly design with demonic architecture gives it an interesting and attractive touch reminiscent of E4, with good detail in terms of small monuments and actions that give it a nice touch of challenge. 4/5

E3M4: Hall of Ebola by Rory Habich

Yes it is a hall, although I don't know if there is ebola. This is a hub style map with many paths and many doors designed to give you a fairly tight combat, which stands out for being designed based on monster-closets and many, many teleporters. The charismatic design and little extra details give it a nice touch, although the gameplay will make it turn red pretty quickly. 3/5

E3M5: De-Moon Side by Vick Bobkov

Welcome to a new infernal fortress. This map leaves no loose ends and gives you a quick definition of what's to come thanks to its tetric entrance. A large design with a square layout offers plenty of places to explore plus intense and tight combat with a few surprises that add some spice to the flavor. A final fight with a surprise gives it a different twist, giving it a certain appealing style of combat. Too bad there are so many Lost Souls. 3/5

E3M6: Obituary Written by Chris Hansen (Exit to secret level)

Interesting map with some small puzzles that give a touch of adventure to your strange exploration. The layout can be a bit inflexible at times, but it has an attractive design and a punishing combat that will make us pay attention at all times, especially for the fact that much of the map is in damaging floors. 3/5

E3M7: System Central by Paul Corfiatis

If you missed the tech-base, here's a little something for everyone. This map combines the architecture of hell with the classic Martian tech-base, creating a strange but attractive discord that works under its own standards. With a great layout and a multitude of interconnected paths, the map works pretty much on the basis of a lot of backtracking, but usually releases a few surprises along the way to keep us from getting bored with it. A nice reference to E1M1 on the blue path can make our day. With an explosive gameplay that is dedicated to surprise us with a multitude of surprises and quite a few Cacodemons, it can be a bit challenging at times so you better have good aim. Or autoaim. 4/5

E3M8: Spider Temple by Paul Corfiatis

The end of the episode sees us traversing a small map but with a vast amount of exploration areas filled with small groups of enemies to end in a grotesque boss climax. 3/5

E3M9: The Lost Chord by Sam Woodman (secret level)

The secret map of this episode is a small but intense map with an attractive and modest design to the eye. Based mostly on speed and fluidity, the map follows an almost linear path through an intense battlefield with enemies in high density. This map, if played well, works as a good resupply point. 3/5

E4M1: Play School by Paul Corfiatis

You can't start episode 4 without introducing the iconic orange sky and the pure attrition difficulty. This is a small map with solid visuals that weaves itself into an interesting backtracking through an evolving map, with good (and hard) gameplay that emphasizes tactical decisions and ammo conservation. The start can be a bit rough if you don't know what to do right away, but with a few tries the map becomes easier and more fun. This is my favorite type of map. My kink. 4/5

E4M2: Back to Base X by Anthony Soto (Exit to secret level)

A brown base that vaguely reminds me of Quake. With hidden corridors and dark atmosphere thanks to the good use of lights, this map is designed to give us constant and effective combat thanks to good construction of the setting and unexpected traps at times. 3/5

E4M3: Hell Unleashed by Chris Hansen

The title honors the challenging map. With tight corners, little room to maneuver and a multitude of traps, including an inescapable invisible trap that I'm not a big fan of, this map leaves no loose ends and throws everything at us in terms of difficulty. The attractive and simple design gives a sense of home thanks to the enclosed and diverse complex, but add in the bloody combat and the result is a home of pain. An interesting design that is somewhat obfuscated by a relatively unfair difficulty. 3/5

E4M4: Disreputable Stronghold by Chris Hansen

E4M5: Indomitable Haunt by Chris Hansen

E4M6: Dementia by Joe Pallai

E4M7: Odious Grounds by Chris Hansen

E4M8: Impossible Mission by Paul Corfiatis

E4M9: Secret Wolfenstein Level by Paul Corfiatis (secret level)

E5M1: The Mighty Green by Paul Corfiatis (E2 secret level, exit back to E2M5)

#doom #wad #review

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