#One of those aint mine

[tinseltina]

trying to make fanart of leona from @kiame-sama's humans are extinct twst au (warning it is a yandere au and 18+ so minors DNI)

[welcometogrouchland]

your talia in your newest comic is very pretty 💜 shiny hair save me….

AHH THANK YOU SM I didn't shade her hair originally when I was coloring cause I was trying to streamline things but it looked so incomplete without it...I can't help it if she has L'Oreal model energy. Anyway you're always really nice on my Steph posts so here's some misc Stephs I had lying around as thanks for this ask (feat one of those alt cowl designs i posted back when!)

[todayisafridaynight]

how about a minedai saga but u play as daigo and get to take mine out to shellac and karaoke (perhaps rggo stories yk)^__^ i feel like rgg would be lazy since they already have daigos moveset from gaiden

rgg does love reusin assets this is true ......

[luhman16]

Do not interact with trolls its not worth it, interacting with trolls is the mind killer, its the little death that brings total obliteration, i shall let it pass over and through me, and when i will look back, only i will remain

[handfulofmuses]

when your idiot friends got distracted because they were both so busy outpunning each other and now she does not understand what you are trying to tell her and you try so hard to convey what you mean but she over here like "WHAT ED WHAT IS IT IM DOING FUNNY HAHA"

I do like that Banzai is more calm in his approach. You can see how focused he is on his gestures / where Ed is pointing too.

Another detail I noticed is that when Banzai speaks up...the frantic noises and gestures stop instantly. Ed got calmed just by hearing Banzai's voice and I feel like...that also says a lot about their relationship?

[aria0fgold]

I need hsr to release a character that can tear into those tiny annoying robots' shields. Imagine being Acheron with a blade so sharp you can tear into the fabric of reality itself within the sweet dream but can't even shred a small robot's shield? wtf

[imauthicktic]

Slashers incorrect quotes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: *hands Ghostface a heart shaped box* will you be mine?

Ghostface, takes box and opens it to find a knife inside: I aint complainin', sweet cheeks, but I thought this was a proposal

Y/N: actually, this is a blood oath

Ghostface: understood, go ahead

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby Firefly: *crying while Y/N comforts them*

Baby Firefly: *back to normal* sorry I was vulnerable with you. Do you still think I'm hot?

Y/N:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N, Chucky, and Tiffany Valentine playing two truths and one lie

Tiffany: *talking to Chucky* You're tackey and cheap. Plus, I hate you.

Chucky: Ha! nice try! all of those are a lie!

Chucky whispering to Y/N: she was lying, right?

Y/N:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: why are you following me?

Billy: because we're dating now

Y/N: okay... what about Stu?

Billy: we're a package deal

Stu: buy one idiot, get one free

Y/N: *gasps* I love BOGOS!!!

[javelinbk]

Here it is, Beatle People! The official 'Insane Things Paul Has Said About John' list, as created by the people of tumblr. I hope this is a useful supplement to the original McLennon iceberg

Sources under the cut:

“He was a very cool boy” (@javelinbk)

"Whenever other people do that it always reminds me of John" (@javelinbk)

"We put our names next to each other in our school exercise books" (@beatlepaul4ever)

When was Lennon at his best? "When he was asleep." (@didwemeetsomewherebefore)

"A delicious broth of a boy" (@zilabee)

"A lovely little baby, John was" (@mallowedheart)

"Daddy's room" (@pauls1967moustache)

"We’re songwriting together even if we’re not together" (@midchelle)

"John seemed like some sort of emperor in control of it all" (@blondecasino)

"I'm trying to get my son to have a son and call him Lennon, and then he'll be Lennon McCartney" (@peaceloveandstarrs)

“John and I had millions of fabulous little experiences in Paris” (@divine-sphinx)

"We used to have wanking sessions" (@merseydreams)

"You can be heterosexual and be having a homosexual dream and wake up, and think, 'Shit, am I gay?'" (@skylikeaflame)

"It was a place called Menlove Avenue. [Pauses] Someone's going to read significance into that: Paul and John on Menlove Avenue. Come onnnnnnn" (@s-l-martin)

"I slept with him a million times" (@s-l-martin)

"A wild and woolly genius who it was my pleasure to work with, walk with, talk with, and occasionally sleep with." (@didwemeetsomewherebefore)

"In bed" (@i-am-the-oyster)

"Well, I’m sure Brian was in love with John, I’m sure that’s absolutely right. I mean, everyone was in love with John; John was lovable, John was a very lovable guy." (@whenyourbirdisbroken)

"Dear friend, throw the wine, I’m in love with a friend of mine." (@heartsinthebasement)

"We got very drunk and cried about how we loved each other" (@nikidontsurf)

“Then also we were like married, so you got the bitterness. It’s not a woman scorned this time, it’s two men scorned — probably even worse. And I had to make way for Yoko. My relationship with John could not have remained as it was and Yoko feel secure.” (@thefortunateisle)

"If I was a girl, maybe I could go out and…" (@alienoriana, @majinmelmo)

"You just don’t hang around with your ex-wife" (@javelinbk)

"No, I have a lot of dreams about John, and they're always good" (@notgrungybitchin, @skylikeaflame)

"This (painting) is John’s Room. It just looked to me like John, when he had his long hair and then his cloak or whatever this is. Then I just scratched in that, looked like one of those drawings John used to do. You know his funny little men. So then I called that John’s room … If I’m gonna see a face in a painting it’s highly likely to be his." (@foryouwereinmysong)

"I wish I had sat and just hugged John all the time when we were together.’ (…) I’d just sit around and hug him forever. That’s the depth of my feeling for him" (@theoldmixer)

“Here Today - a love song to John” (@javelinbk, @bluewater9)

"So if you've got someone, you want to tell them you love them, just get it said, don't wait" (@lennon-gal)

And honourable mention for the following stories:

Stalking John all over Liverpool until Ivan officially got them introduced (@only-a-northern-soul)

‘He’s been telling himself and the whole world that nobody cared about writing songs and his music before he met John. He knew George Harrison.’ (@greatsaladavenue)

Quitting his job to commit to the band aka explicitly picking John over his father (@adriansfrombrooklyn)

Writing "Here, There, and Everywhere" by John's pool while waiting for him to wake up and write with him alone in his attic (@aint-that-kind-of-blog-bruv)

Taking the one photo of him and john from that night with the cursed pictures with jane and then blowing it up and hanging it in his office at apple (@pauls1967moustache)

Taking LSD so he could join John in his potentially bad trip (@scurator)

The time he vaulted over a table because another man was touching John and Paul had to physically intervene (@scurator)

[emergency-vehicle]

TF1 OptiRatch headcanons, go!!!!

...oh my god... so i just spent the last two ish hours writing a little drabble that has been stuck inside my brain, only for tumblr to make me take a screenshot of it instead of letting me copy paste the whole thing. anyway, irrelevant. the drabble has allowed me to come up with this list of headcanons!

Ratchet

the first time orion and ratchet meet is immediately after the iacon 5000

ratchet HATES the iacon 5000. he thinks its an utter waste of time and resources.

when they meet, D-16 is still very mad and he kind of lashes out at Ratchet too, but Ratchet is like ??? aint no way this bot is mad at me but in the suspicious way, not the angry way

anyway, the entire situation makes ratchet think theyre conjunxes, its very funny.

still ratchet gets absolutely enraptured by orion

big, blue doe eyes are his weakness, and boy howdy does orion pax possess those.

orion is actually very free with his field and while it kind of startles ratchet at first, he realizes that he really likes the way orion's field feels

orion is still very, very giddy and coming down from the adrenaline rush of the race. he's all smiles and laughs and jokes, which pulls ratchet in even more

the best way to describe him is absolutely enigmatic

without even realizing it, ratchet accidentally spends way more time with orion than he does D-16.

Ratchet has always been...suspicious of cogless bots. He knows that there is something seriously wrong. Not with the bots themselves, but with the fact that they have no cogs.

While the medical records had been wiped clean regarding the fact that all bots are born with cogs (unbeknownst to ratchet), he finds it very curious that bots are born with the place for a cog, but no cog itself.

so, ratchet has begun to do some digging on the side. mostly just making notes of patients regarding their frame types and the curious ailments they come in with

orion is not exempt from this

his hands are much too delicate for mining, far more sensitive and dexterous than sturdy and forged for manual labor.

he has to keep reminding himself that theyre not in his private office, nor is this something that he can look into.

ratchet really, really wants to be the one to repair orion's hands. anything to see this very curious bot one more time

D-16 is not having it.

when ratchet leaves he has to catch his breath. it was so hard for him to be professional when orion's big eyes were staring at him like he held all the knowledge of the universe

ratchet does not consider himself someone who falls easily, nor does he really consider himself romantic at all

even then, he felt this pull towards orion. he chalks it up to curiosity, even though it's obviously deeper than that.

plus its not like it even matters, ratchet wouldve sworn up and down that orion and d-16 were a thing.

Orion Pax

orion is fucking grateful that finally it's not just him and D-16 in the room

dgmw, he loves D-16 with his whole chest, but orion always, always struggled with him when he gets like this. mans is not emotionally intelligent enough to deal with his bestie's BPD (yes this is my personal D-16 headcanon, i will die on this hill)

so when ratchet comes in, he almost instantly relaxes

he thinks ratchet is kind of stuffy at first, like he's obviously uncomfortable and the way he talks is very indicative of that

orion immediately wants to help him loosen up. man cannot deal with two socially inept bots at one time. so he opens his field to him

to his surprise, ratchet reciprocates, but only slightly

orion ALSO likes the way ratchet's field matches with his. instant "i want to be your friend" vibes here

when ratchet pays special attention to his hands, orion is internally screaming the entire time

hes generally not used to gentle touch, and theres something about the way that ratchet is holding his hands that makes his spark flutter

he is desperately spinning code so his aux fans don't kick on. this guy gets flustered so easy. he cannot bear the thought of D-16 making fun of him for almost instantly getting a crush on this doctor

that doesnt stop his processor from failing to form thoughts. he knows ratchet is asking him important questions, but all he can think is "pretty mech touching my hands"

if orion didnt already have his gay awakening, this would've been it

i feel like after ratchet leaves theres a good 15 minutes of silence between him and D-16 where orion is just trying to get his Gay Thoughts(tm) under control

final yapping

in the end, i think its incredibly funny to make orion pax like this far less mature version of optimus. he feels everything x10 and doesn't really know what to do with the feelings, so he just kind of acts like a fool.

meanwhile ratchet is out here like "yeah he's pretty but i have a job to do." that doesn't mean orion doesn't haunt his thoughts after though. he definitely does. the image of his big eyes staring at him won't leave ratchet for a long time.

theyre both gay fools. the tiny crush is mutual. its forgotten about though throughout the events of the movie. orion has much more important things to worry about than a pretty doctor who gently held his hands.

the next time they see each other is after orion became optimus. this was for a standard check up, in which ratchet had to run a full diagnostic of him. ratchet can't help but begin ranting about how he knew something was up with sentinel, with the cogless bots, with that entire fucking situation.

the check up ends with optimus listening to this clearly autistic (positive) mech explain every red string he put together, and how the revolution confirmed all of his missing pieces. (im projecting here because this is my personal brand of autism)

tbh, optimus is impressed. they quickly do become friends, and as the war begins, he realizes that ratchet is a very talented doctor and quickly they earn each others trust. they become good friends, too. optimus likes to listen to ratchet talk about science, talk about new medical breakthroughs. he will often bring ratchet decepticon medical tech he finds out in the field for him to reverse engineer.

optimus absolutely enables ratchet's special interest (medicine) and ratchet absolutely loves optimus for it.

in conclusion, theyre gay neurodivergents your honor.

[thesupreme316]

Aew reacts to you falling asleep in most random places or falling asleep on them

You can choose either one

Orange Cassidy x Fem!Reader, MJF x Fem!Reader, Kenny Omega x Fem!Reader, Hook x Fem!Reader, Eddie Kingston x Fem!Reader, Ricky Starks x Fem!Reader, Christian Cage x Fem!Reader nick Wayne x fem

AEW STARS React to: You Falling Asleep in Random Places/On Them

Pairings: Orange Cassidy x Fem!Reader, MJF x Fem!Reader, Kenny Omega x Fem!Reader, Hook x Fem!Reader, Eddie Kingston x Fem!Reader, Ricky Starks x Fem!Reader, Christian Cage x Fem!Reader, Nick Wayne x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 937

Supreme Speaks: hey yall, i'm keeping my promise. Hopefully this is the start of making up for lost time, sorry for being away. I miss writing tbh. But antiways, thanks for being patient. NOW BACK TO MY SCHEMES. Plz remember that you are loved and appriecated.

Taglist: @hooks-martin @sheinthatfandom @triscillal @cassie0sstuff @eddie-kingstons-wifey @hookerforhook @batzy-watzy @wwenhlimagines

Warnings: slightly proofread, failed comedy, GIFS AINT MINE AGAIN GIFS AINT MINE (rights are to the original creators)

Orange Cassidy (Random place):

He’s not fazed

Homeboy is impressed that you can fall asleep anywhere

In fact, he joins you

He has seen you in every random place in the house

Bathroom, linen closet, the kitchen, and how you fell asleep on the steps of the porch??

He’ll never know

It’s a regular occurrence to play “Where’s Y/N?”

One time Trent and Kris came over and saw the two of you sleeping on the porch steps

He just left a sign beside y’all that said “come back later”

After your neighbor called the police for a wellness check

MJF (Random Place/On them):

He thought you were joking when you said you can sleep anywhere

But was genuinely concerned about how you fell asleep in the laundry room

Makes fun of you on Twitter and uses your pictures to describe other people’s matches

If you fell asleep on him, he would melt

I think he would show off that his S/O is sleeping on him with a smirk

Would yell at someone for disturbing you and would blame the other person for you waking up

“No babe, it was Adam’s dumbass voice that woke you up, not me.”

Will bring you closer if you move in your sleep

But make no mistake, if his cat falls asleep on him, you’re sleeping on the floor

Hook (On them):

I can see this man being stiff as a log when you fall asleep on him

Strokes your hair to keep you calm

Doesn’t eat chips for fear that they will awake you

He woke you up once…and that was enough for him

Only answer his friends if they’re asking yes or no questions (will only nod)

Drapes a blanket over you if you don’t have his hoodie on

Eventually, he will fall asleep with you

But he quickly moves to sleep next to you cause you a wild sleeper

One time you were boxing him in your sleep…and won…

Eddie Kingston (Random Place/On them):

Mans would try out your random sleeping places before waking up and crawling back in the bed

“I don’t know how lil mama does it…that shit hurt.”

However, he made a ranking list and the best place is the dining room floor

Finds it funny yet very disciplining, might use it as a punishment for when he misses workout sessions

Will carry you to bed with him cause again….he aint doin that shit

When you fall asleep on him, he just becomes a big ole teddy bear

If he needs to argue or tell someone off, he’ll whisper yell

Will make sure that you are warm by wrapping his hoodie over you

Once you’re asleep, Eddie will never move you or himself

Ricky Starks (On them):

I feel like as long as you don’t drool you’re fine

Or leave makeup on his shirt

If you do, you won’t hear anything about it until you wake up

“I love you babe, but next time, there will be a paper towel barrier.”

Tbh, depending on how tired he is, Ricky will fall asleep on top of you

I can see him just talking you to sleep per your request

Even after you fall asleep, Ricky still be talking cause why not

Like those above, he will scold people if they disturb you

Will put your phone on dnd

Kenny Omega (Random place/weird positions):

At first, cause he couldn’t find you, he would be in distress

He would look in every single bedroom or cushion-based location

Would feel better once he finds you in the bathroom tub (cause he heard your snoring)

I think Kenny would catch on to your locations very quickly

But if you find a new one, he’ll add it to your location list

Knowing Kenny, he would make this into a bit on Being The Elite (BTE)

Like every time there is a fight or argument, you are seen sleeping in a weird position (like back twisting or somethin)

“Y/N sleeping so we have to fight in slo-mo”

Christian Cage (On them):

MANS WOULD FEEL SO PROUD AND POWERFUL

He would feel so happy that you feel comfortable enough for you to fall asleep on him

Anytime you get sleepy, it doesn’t matter where you are, he will offer his shoulder or chest as a pillow

Places kisses on your forehead while your sleep

He moves a lot tho, not on purpose

But you quickly got use to it and would snuggle closer to him

Would use you sleeping as an excuse not to fight

“You better be lucky that Y/N is sleeping or I- wait, I don’t need to fight anyways. Luchasuarus, get him.”

Nick Wayne (Random place):

I am 100 percent certain that this man is easily influenced

Therefore

He will follow suit with your weird sleeping habits

If he sees you sleeping, he sleeping too so move over

Like Cassidy, he would actually like the random sleeping places

He would fall asleep anywhere

I feel like when’s he stressed, he would just sleep in a random place…even if he’s at work

Christian and Luchasuarus would be like where is Nick

And Nick would be asleep on a ladder

[sameschmidtdiffname]

I was wondering if you could do a fic with Mike Schmidt x fem!reader and the quote “can I stack donuts on it?” I apologize in advance 😭

THE FUCKING SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I GOT THISSSSSS BITCH YOU GOT ITTTTTT

Cherries & Cream

Mike Schmidt x AFAB!Reader

Summery: It's a modest holiday. Spent indoors, soft music on the cassette player... oh, and a collection of bad ideas snowballed into a day of sticky situations

Tags: No use of Y/N, author has fucking lost it, comedy, Valentine's Day fic, mentions of failed masturbation attempts, mentions of inappropriate use of lightsabers and water snakes (I SAID AUTHOR HAS FUCKING LOST IT- DONT ASK, JUST READ, IT AINT THAT BAD!), sex toys, handcuffs, sex dice, pre-established relationship, food sex, blowjob, facial, Mike gets restrained like we all know he wants to be.

Notes: I'm not apologizing for shit.

                     ▪︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎

"These are ridiculous questions."

"Oh, come on. Don't be a sourpuss," I say. Cards are scattered around the small box on our bed, both of us long deciding we'd clean up later.

"What does it say?" I ask him, leaning forward. I'm straddling his chest, my arms crossed against mine, dressed in nothing but one of his shirts. His hand on my hip is halfway under the black material, his pointer finger twisting the old cotton around his digit. His other hand holds a dark purple card that he rolls his eyes at before shifting them to focus on me towering over him.

"It doesn't even apply to you," he says.

"And how do you know?" I say smugly.

"Because I've sucked your dick and it's not big enough to apply," he says

"What? Give me that." I snatch the card from his hand, ignoring his laughter as he shifts his hand to rest on my other hip, rubbing soothing circles into my skin while I read.

'What's the weirdest thing you have ever stuck your dick in?'

A short laugh escapes me, a bit louder than it should be with Abby sleeping peacefully down the hall.

"I'm waiting," Mike jokes, smiling up at me with his lips twisted into a smug expression of sarcasm.

"I mean, I stuck a toy lightsaber up my snatch once," I say casually.

"What?" He bellows, descending into a fit of laughter so grand his chest is rattling underneath of me, making my face bloom with blood in embarrassment.

"I was fourteen!" I say quickly in my defense. This doesn't help my case, making him cackle loud enough I grab a pillow to shove onto his face to muffle his fit. He grabs my wrists before it can descend, holding them up as he wheezes.

"Oh, Qui-Gon Jin! You're my only hope!" He relaxes his grip slightly, allowing me to stiffle his incessant noise.

"That was Obi-Wan, and I liked Darth Vader!"

His hands shove the pillow away from his red face, eyes teary and judgemental.

"He's burnt!"

"It was the vibe! Mysterious, dark, and that voice!" I protest. Mike makes a pitiful attempt at the sounds of Vader's breathing through his mask, muddled with spit from his laughter. "James Earl Jones has a handsome voice!"

"It's just so hot," Mike cackled.

"Mike."

"Nothing can hold a candle to it."

"Michael."

"Makes me go-" a crude imitation of lightsaber noises is the last thing Mike can communicate before I'm slamming the pillow down on him, making him laugh harder and block his face from my playful blows as he begs for mercy.

"You're a dick!"

"You'd stick yours in one of those- those-" as he regains his breath and I lessen my attacks, he snaps his fingers, one hand slapping gently against my thigh for thought.

"Oh, you know. One of those fucken- the uh..." He makes a jerking motion with his snapping hand, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling like the answer is written on the spot where some poster used to be.

"A hand?" I ask, crossing my arms and glaring down at him.

"No. One of those toys that had like water in them and you could like- I don't know what the point of them was, some sensory thing. There was like water, maybe fish or sparkles stuffed inside," he describes, gesturing his hand as he speaks.

The image begins to click together in my mind. "Oh yeah. Water snakes?" I ask. He slaps my thigh, snapping his fingers and pointing at me with wide eyes.

"That's the fucker. Yeah, you'd stick your dick in that," he says confidently, nodding and relaxing in satisfaction with his statement.

"Okay, but you can like slide those things in and out so honestly that's kind of genius," I say.

"That plastic burns like a motherfucker though. And it's got those seams for the plastic so lube doesn't help," Mike says, one arm curled above his head and his other hand once more rubbing my hip.

"That's descriptive," I say with narrowed eyes. I lean forward, my face hovering above his. His relaxed hazel eyes widen slightly, but only by a hair. His rubbing stutters. His body language is still casual, but has stiffened enough to betray him.

"Just a thought."

"How old were you?"

"I did not- fifteen."

It's my turn to snicker now, picking my pillow back up and smacking him once more in the head.

"Okay, okay. Teenagers are idiots. Next card, next card," he says laughing, hand now searching for a new card from the deck. "Oh my God. What food item would you use during sex- babe, where the fuck did you find this game?"

"It was some dirty Santa gift, got it a couple years ago," I say with the wave of my hand. "Anyways, it's my turn to ask the question."

"Oh right. Pick a new one," he says, flicking the card away.

"Well, hang on now. On the topic of poor sexual choices and food, what would you use for that?" I ask, smirking and crossing my arms across my chest once more. He glares at me, lips pressed firmly together as he narrows his eyes. There's a long silence, neither of us speaking as we decide who's going to break it.

"Donuts," he finally says.

"Donuts?"

"Yeah. They have the hole," he adds as if it explains everything.

"Uh huh."

"Okay, you used a fucking lightsaber, you cannot-"

"I was fourteen, you are twenty-eight. What happens if you squeeze the thing too hard and you've just got crumbs and frosting all over you?" I ask.

"I wouldn't fuck the damn thing. I'd, like, stack them," he clarifies. "Do it like one of those really cheesy porno bits like 'did someone order some food?' And just rip open the trenchcoat to reveal several donuts stacked on my dong."

"Michael, you've put a weird amount of thought into this."

"It's the fucking question!"

"Okayokayokay- so hypothetically," I begin.

"Mm-hmm."

"If I brought home a box of donuts-"

"Nice ones. Krispy Kreme or some shit, I'm not getting sugar in my shit if it's cheap," he insists.

"...glad to know. If I brought home a box of overpriced donuts and a trench coat-"

"Take the coat out, that was a bit."

"Will you let me finish?"

"That'd be the preferred outcome," he interrupts again. "But like, before the donut thing. If it was like, y'know." He thrusts his hips into the air slightly, not to be arousing but to clarify. Because that's the part he can't say out loud. "'Cause you can't get sugar in your snatch."

"You can't get sugar in your snatch," I repeat slowly, blinking.

"Don't ask."

"Right. So if I brought home the Kreme-y goods, you would present yourself to me with a donut dick?" I ask. He rolls his eyes, suppressing a smile.

"Sure."

Valentine's Day. A day for kids and new couples, mainly. And since this household is aging out of both of those demographics, Mike and I had decided to go smaller this year. Not that we went huge every year before, neither of us feeling quite like blowing a shit load of cash on the day. But usually we booked a reservation at a decent restaurant, put on some nicer clothes, and spent the holiday just having a nice family dinner. But Abby was old enough she was itching to attend some sleepover at a friend's house for the holiday, and Mike and I felt fine just ordering in and playing a card game that we usually thumbed through while bored.

"Do 12 year olds even get valentines?" Mike asks, sprawled upon the bed the night before.

"I don't know, I didn't," I shrug. "She's just visiting her friends and wearing pink so they can gorge on chocolate, sounds like a good holiday to me."

He considers this, scratching his jaw as he continues staring at the ceiling.

"Valentine's Day alone. What trouble we could cause," he teases.

"What food are we ordering in for the trouble, anyways?" I ask, looking up from the box of my things I'd been unpacking, hanging up pictures and placing knick knacks around the room and new desk we'd shoved in earlier that evening.

"Chinese?" He asks.

"Gas for Valentine's Day, I'll love that," I say. He laughs. "How about Italian?"

"Makes me bloated, you'll be top," he says. "What are we doing in that department? I mean, we probably should do something."

"You say that like sex is a chore," I say with a raised brow, looking up at him for a moment from the box.

"Oh, hell no," he says. "If that's a chore than it's my favorite."

"Chores typically bring you closer to God."

"Than I'm smokin' it with Jesus, fuck yeah."

At that I laugh, tossing a small box at him that rattles with something inside. He catches it, laughing and pulling it open out of curiosity.

"Oh ho! What are these?" He asks, holding up a small, hot pink cube.

"Oh Jesus, I thought I lost those. They're-"

"Sex dice!" He laughs. "You whore!"

"I'm not a whore, I just went to college!" I laugh defensively. His eyebrows raise.

"Popular?"

"Fuck off," I groan. "My ex bought those, I just kept them."

Mike rolls the dice in his hands, actually sitting up and crossing his legs on the bed before sending them flying across the quilt.

"Suck toe," Mike reads. "That's disappointing."

"We never used toe, we always just picked a different spot," I say.

"Like?" He asks.

"I don't know, it varied. I guess it was kinda a pick your poison spot," I say. "You wouldn't believe how often it lands on toe."

"The universe is trying to tell you something," he says.

"The universe can suck it," I say. Mike rolls one of the dice again.

"Tit. Nice. I'll be acting as ambassador for said universe sucking-"

"You'll be acting as helping me unpack these dresses," I say, setting the box on the bed in front of him. He stands with a sigh, hands on his hips as he awaits his work. I take out a few dresses and lay them in his arms before returning to my work of organizing the closets.

"Hold 'em," I say.

"Just hold them?"

"Yeah."

"You made me get up for this?"

"Before you find the handcuffs in there? Yeah," I say.

"Handcuffs? We've been together for three years, you're moving into my house and now I'm finding out you have handcuffs?" Mike asks incredulously.

"I didn't know that would upset you," I say honestly, shrugging.

"Upset? I've been deprived! You're a freak and haven't taken it out on me!" He says overdramatically. I roll my eyes but smile.

"I'm not a freak, I've only slept with like, two other guys. That's it," I say.

"So the guys were freaks," he says.

"I mean, I wasn't saying no," I admit.

"So you're a freak when asked?"

"You sound like a teenager."

"I sound like a guy who's gonna be home alone with his girlfriend and sex toys tomorrow, yeah, I sound like a teenager," he says.

"Oh, so we're ordering in and banging all night?" I ask, raising a brow in amusement.

"Was that not the plan already?" He asks.

"I wasn't gonna say it, but if you want to."

The night was spent laying out plans of debauchery. After dropping off Abby in the early afternoon at her friends the next day, Mike and I made a slight detour before heading home, where the items were laid out before us.

Whipped cream. Donuts. Handcuffs. Dice. And some cheap, bottom of the $5 bin collection of 'Top 100 Sexy Songs for Valentine's Day' cassette tape that Mike had grabbed from a local music store during our trip.

"Do you ever question the things we do while bored?" Mike asks, staring at the ceiling, butt naked and handcuffed to the bedframe while I straddle his thighs, trying to figure out how exactly I'm gonna do this.

"Do you?" I ask, pinching his soft tip between my fingers.

"I'm starting to," he says, glancing at the can of whipped cream that was starting to sweat on the bedside table beside us. "I had questions before I shaved my junk for this, but I wasn't gonna say anything."

"Good. Keep that philosophy, I think I figured it out," I say, finally leaning for the box of glazed donuts we'd hardly been able to act mature about buying while going through the drive through. We're not seeing the gates of heaven.

"Shouldn't you get me hard first? It's just gonna grow," he says in questioning, trying to look down at what I'm doing.

"No, because then I'll have to keep you hard and that's gonna deflate quickly," I say. He nods in agreement, satisfied and sighing in slight boredom as I begin my task, trying to get the first donut on without breaking.

"Ow! Are- are you trying to fucking fold my shit?" He asks, his voice slightly higher than it was a moment ago.

"You're bigger than the hole, it's gonna break the donut! It's soft, isn't it?" I ask.

"Not that soft!" He says a bit frantic.

"Okay, what if I stretch it out like this?" I ask, tugging his dick upwards.

"I'm gonna ask you not to!" Mike says. His thumbs find the latches for the handcuffs, undoing one so he can reach down himself. "Jesus Christ- you're gonna break me!"

"This is my job," I say amused, giggling as I cover my mouth with my hand.

He ignores me, examining himself and the donut before glaring at the corner of the room, sighing.

"Motherfucker, I've been blessed, goddammit," he groans.

"What a humble statement," I say, trying not to laugh.

"This is humbling enough. Do what you will, I guess," he says, flopping back onto the bed, donut in hand and taking a bite from it as he crosses his ankles beneath me.

"I need that," I say.

"There's eleven more, this is my consolation prize," he says through his mouthful, returning his glare to the ceiling.

"You gonna redo the handcuff?" I ask.

"I'll redo your fucken dad," he snaps, but shoves the rest of the donut in his mouth as he fiddles with the handcuffs once again, groaning as I start on my work.

It takes half an hour, four donuts and a ridiculous amount of whipped cream, but the deed is done. Stepping off the bed, I behold my work of a restrained, glaring, donut stacked and cream covered Mike with a proud smile.

"This was exponentially hotter in my head," he mutters, looking down at himself.

"You don't like it?" I ask.

"I didn't say that, I'm just not drooling over- where are you going?" He asks. I quickly dart out of the room, racing to the kitchen as a series of 'babe?' Rings throughout the house. I open the fridge quickly, find the box of cherries and race back into the bedroom, holding it up as though it were a crown jewel.

"Ohh, my fucking God," Mike loudly drawls, rolling his eyes.

"I almost forgot," I say with malicious glee.

"I wish you had," he says, staring at the ceiling. "You're sick in the head."

"This was your idea."

"I'm sick in the head, I repent, I repent."

Placing a fat cherry carefully on top of the fluffy tip, I smile in true satisfaction.

"Perfect," I say, hands working to undo my house robe, shrugging it off and leaving me in simple lingerie instead.

"Now you faceplant into my dessert dick. Delicious," he deadpans.

"Mike, if you really don't wanna do this-"

"I'm gonna get a fucking UTI, just fulfill the high school fantasy already. I'll have no shame once I'm hard," he spits out quickly, jerking against the restraints slightly in impatience.

Well, that's true enough.

I lean forward, trying to figure out where to start, deciding between bottom or top.

"Babe, this is mortifying, just do some- oh-kay," Mike groans, his hips shifting slightly as I gently suck one of his freshly shaved balls into my mouth, my tongue swirling around it as I grip his thighs. The stack shifts slightly, Mike moaning as he thrusts against nothing.

My mouth works his sack for a little bit, one of my hands trailing down to between his legs to press against the spot behind his balls, making him keen into my touch as he moans loudly, the handcuffs clicking against the frame of our bed as he squirms. When I'm sure he's hardened properly underneath, I remove my mouth, making him whine as I glance up at him, smiling.

"Doing good?" I ask sweetly, pressing my fingers harder into the spot between his legs.

"Still mortifying, just keep going," he moans shamelessly, his cheeks red as he keeps his eyes closed in embarrassment.

I lean down once more, licking at the melting whipped cream on the tip of his cock, his moans growing louder as my tongue finds contact with his cock, his skin cold and wet underneath of the cream. I'm barely able to reach his actual tip, my tongue sticking down far in the hole of the top donut. I begin biting into the food, quickly tearing away at my work in eagerness of what awaits.

There's probably a special place in Hell reserved for the two of us for doing something like this and enjoying it, but I promise you, if you could see the look on his face right now, blushing wildly and trying to hide behind the bulk of his large arm, it would be worth it.

Once the first two donuts are gone I take off the cherry from the top, dangling it over his mouth in teasing.

"Want some?" I ask. He just groans in response, his cock twitching from neglect. I chuckle, tossing the fruit away and quickly taking him into my mouth, drawing a sharp, high moan from him as I suck eagerly, admiring the taste of his skin mixed with the sweet sugar from the food.

Yeah. Definitely worth it.

Pre-cum shoots into my mouth as he rolls his hips into my face, my hand still working against him as I swirl my tongue around his tip, sucking harshly as I watch him. His back arches against the bed, his head thrown back in pleasure as he loses himself in the feeling of my mouth against him.

"Go deeper," he begs, his voice soft as he bucks into my mouth, his arms straining against the handcuffs. "Holy shit, please go deeper."

His hips buck harshly against my face, smashing the two other donuts and an annoying amount of cream into my face, covering me in a facial I didn't ask for.

I pull away from him, stopping my hand and just staying still for a moment to allow him a proper look at my face.

"... I do not like this," I deadpan. I'd blink if I could open my eyes right now.

Small whines escape him as his hips continue moving, questions being voiced then everything ceasing all at once as I guess he takes a good look at me. There's a moment of silence, then he bursts out laughing at the sight, loud and obnoxious.

"It's in your hair!" He exclaims, probably wishing he could point at me as I blindly search for the hand towel nearby.

"I hope this was worth it," I say flatly, suppressing my own giggle.

"Oh, the feeling is awful, but you're doing great," he says sweetly, still chuckling as he watches me wipe at my face, groaning at the stickiness of it all.

"Jesus, I'm a mess," he says, looking down at himself. "Can we just take that off and-"

"Yeah, normal blow job, on it," I finish for him, quickly taking off the other two, very smushed donuts and discarding of them inside the box. "You have horrible ideas "

"You wanted us to try new shit, this is not on me," he laughs, smiling at me. "But thank you for answering a decade old question."

"You're weird," I say.

"Just fuck me," he says back.

Quickly I take him back into my mouth, deepthroating him and encouraging him to fuck my mouth, focusing on my breathing as he does with blind obedience. His thighs press against the sides of my head, squeezing slightly as his tip rams into the back of my throat, all gentleness off the table. My tongue slides against his prominent vein, feeling how he throbs, his cock stiff and twitching from the stimulation. He pants loudly, whining when I press my tongue harder into his vein, a loud 'snap' echoing from near his head.

His movements cease for a moment, his chest heaving as realization crosses his face.

"... the handcuffs weren't expensive, right?" He asks inbetween gasps, holding up his hands to show the cheap cuffs now hanging uselessly around his wrists.

My eyebrows raise in surprise, my head beginning to lift off of him when one of his hands comes down on my head, suddenly gripping my hair as he begins to fuck my mouth with new vigor, tearing lewd sounds from my throat as I gag sharply around him.

"Fuck it, I'll buy another pair," he decides, slamming quickly into my throat as he pulls my hair sharply, his pre-cum beginning to thicken in my mouth. "It's not like you mind, right, sweetheart?" He asks, propping himself up with one arm to watch as I swallow his dick eagerly, one of my hands dipping down to play with my clit. He tugs sharply at my hair, making me whine as his other hand smacks quick and gentle against my hollowing cheek before pointing at me.

"No," he says sharply. "I'll deal with you after."

His hand strokes my cheek as he continues fucking my face, his thumb trained on my chin, keeping my mouth open wide for him. His eyes are glazed over in pleasure as he watches me, my spit dribbling down my chin as I take him, my legs pressed tightly together as I grab blindly at his thighs, admiring the thickness as I gag on his cock.

"Fuck- you're so pretty," he moans, his cock twitching in closeness. "And kind." I moan appreciatively around him, eager to feel his cum down my throat as I dig my nails into his thighs. "Don't know how I got so lucky."

His hand roughly drags my head up by my hair, forcing me off of his cock and making me whine as I try to take him back into my mouth. His hand wraps around his length, pumping quickly as he watches me.

"Keep your mouth open, pretty girl," he commands softly. I obey, sticking out my tongue slightly, eager to please. He smiles at the sight, his lashes fluttering shut once more as he fucks his hand quickly, using my thick spit as lube, beginning to lose rhythm.

"I'm gonna cum," he warns breathily. "I'm gonna- fuck!"

His words stutter as he gasps, his hand squeezing roughly at his cock as his cum hits my face, warm and thick against my skin. We watch each other as the first few ropes cover my face, admiring the other in a hazy cloud of desire and satisfaction. Then he shoves his cock back into my mouth, his hand pumping me up and down his length again as he finishes shooting his load down my throat, admiring my new look.

"I'm just- gonna do this for awhile," he gasps, his cock still stiff in my mouth as his flow of cum begins to slow, his hips still quick in contrast.

I moan around him, my cunt clenching in want.

"Don't worry," he says, reaching for something in the nightstand, pulling open a drawer and revealing his new gift for me. "You'll get some fun too."

When I tell y'all this motherfucker somehow found a dildo shaped like a fucking lightsaber.

Goddammit, I'm gonna marry him.

                             ¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

You heard me.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

how would y'all feel if I told you the title was a pun from that old 'berries and cream' meme

[brunchable]

Steve: places his shield behind his back

Y/N: “You look like a Koopa Troopa.”

Steve: blinks “A what?”

Y/N: “You know, one of those turtles Mario stomps on?”

Steve: deadpans “So… you’re saying I’m easy to beat?”

Y/N: “No, I’m saying you’re cute and easy to spin around.”

Steve: “...I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

Gif aint mine. Credits to owner

[onskepa]

Can I get a Jake sully x daughter reader.

where the reader was Jake's first child who he left on earth when he went on Pandora. Years later, Jake is finally reunited with his daughter, the one thing he hand longed for, but he finds out that she works for the RDA and is alongside Quaritch. I kinda want this to be a series cause I've been looking all over for fics like this but there are barely any at all.

Gotta admit, this one was a toughie. Not that I'm complaining, I enjoy a challenge. Now I did think long and hard where this would take place. Hope fully this is is good! enjoy!

NOTE: I had to change things around considering the time line and not everything will be down to the T compared to the movie.

Left behind series

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Left behind

Neytiri was enjoying her peaceful night with her two children, neteyam and kiri and her beloved mate jake. As she holds neteyam, while jake was holding kiri but he had a distant look into his eyes. Neytiri knows that look. It is a look where he is mentaly absent and wonders somewhere deep in his mind.

Doesn't happen often, and whenever it does, its about his past. Neytiri knows some of it but doesn't know all. Not that she minds. In fact, she encourages that he forgets his past. All of it.

"ma'jake" she softly calls out to him, placing her hand on his cheek, bringing his attention to her, bringing him back to the moment. Jake humms, paying attention to her. "whatever it is...its all in the past. Forget it, leave it behind. You are here with me and our children. You belong here with me" she says, letting her soft voice soothe his mind.

Unknowns to neytiri, it was the biggest mistake she will ever make.

Neytiri was holding spider, her blade at his throat. In front of her, the demon of her nightmares, Miles Quaritch stands in a false na'vi body doing the same with kiri.

"do it, he aint mine" Quaritch says, no hesitation in his voice. In fact, he was grinning as if to encourage neytiri. This isn't what she wanted. She wanted to strike fear into his heart. Have him feel what she is feeling.

"he doesn't care if I die!" spider tells neytiri. Normally she would ignore him but this time, she couldn't. "You don't care for your own child!?" she screeches. The demon grins in a twisted way. "As far as I am aware Mrs. sully, he isnt my child......but she is"

"MOM/NEYTIRI LOOK OUT!!" Kiri and jake shout to her.

It was quick, it was swift, neytiri couldn't block it in time. A shadow lunged behind neytiri, kicking her behind the knees and body slamming her with full force bringing her and spider down.

Neytiri was quick, fangs out, hissing out in anger only to be met with a gun at her face. She looks up and she sees a young woman. Tall, tough looking, her expression cold and deadly. But one thing stood out, and that was her eyes.

Her eyes were blue.

The same blue eyes jake once had in his human form.

"please! please don't hurt her!!" spider crawled up in front of neytiri as means to protect her. He didn't care of neytiri was threatening his life moments ago, she was not someone he wished death upon.

"quaritch p-please...!! tell her to step down or something!!" spider begged. But the man simply grinned. "you said a child for a child isnt that right Mrs. Sully?" Quartich teases.

kiri had enough and bit his arm making him let go. She ran to her dad but a bullet barely scrapped her shoulder making her shout in surprise.

Jake looked at the young woman who was facing them and time stopped for him. The blue eyes.....he knows those eyes better than anyone else's. Cause they were his own.

"Fair trade I say jake. My child for YOUR child"

Neytiri and the kids were shocked. Jake looked as though he was stabbed a million times.

"daddy? daddy who is that?!" tuk asks as she tugs his hand. Kiri, spider and neytiri also wanted to know.

"she is my daughter" jake says. The daughter he loved. The daughter he cherished with his life. The daughter he left behind for Pandora.

The girl stared at him with nothing but hate and malice.

"not anymore" was what came of her mouth, her voice void of emotion, cold and distant.

"My name is Proto Quaritch, and I am Miles Quaritch's daughter!"

Ngl I feel like I could have done better. I can see this being a series but I got three in the works. This will have to be temporarily be in the shelf until I am done with one of the series. Anyways, I hope ya'll like it!

[wickjump]

HELLO INTERNET AND WELCOME TO [wickjump]

My name is Wick (she/they/star/it), also known as Wickskip (TikTok), Wickjump (Tumblr), or Hopwick (AO3*).

On all platforms my content centers around Undertale and the Undertale Multiverse, however I’ll also sometimes reblog/post about a few other fandoms.

What I post and reblog can contain themes of violence/abuse, mental illness, suicide/self harm, suggestive themes, and more. For those reasons, this blog is intended for audiences 16+ in age.

DTIYS!!!!

information zone /ᐠ - ˕-マ｡˚ᶻ 𝗓

[⁉️] byf/dni:

dni: pro/com/dark (i do not support harassment or doxxing), xvials, TERFs, zionists/pro-isreal, anti-semitics, bigots. aka obvious assholes

I AM A VICTIM OF CSA BY A FAMILY MEMBER. THESE SUBJECTS TRIGGER ME TO OVERREACT AND BECOME DEFENSIVE. I LITERALLY HAVE PTSD. ALSO STOP SENDING XVIALS ASKS :(

byf: i will sometimes post/reblog things of a suggestive nature, but none of said posts will be graphic nudity. nsfw content may be discussed, but not in detail. i will also post whump content which can include gore, torture, conditioning, dehumanization, etc.

i will occasionally talk about my experience in being groomed, abused, formerly proship (and now against it), or other traumas of mine, but posts containing those themes will always be tagged appropriately.

if you’d like to send an ask relating to your experience in any of these things, asking advice on how to write these themes, etc, you can! ^^

*my ao3 account is not intended for children.

yes nsfw/18+ blogs can follow me i really dont care given i have one of my own

[⚠️] boundaries:

no asks referring to substance abuse or alcoholism, pretty pls.

no i will not date you lmao,,, i don't do online dating, nor catch feelings over the internet. please don't ask on anon anymore thanks???

do not tag me in posts containing themes that apply to my dnis or general discomforts. that includes grooming, pedophilia, incest, proship content, bigotry, etc.

do not tag me in posts that are centered around the harassment of another individual or group of individuals.

don’t flirt with me or make sexual comments towards me, regardless of age or relationship status, including jokes!!!! conversations with graphic sexual themes are generally uncomfortable for me and i’d prefer not to have them. conversations about sex or sexual themes (as in characters doing the do) in a way that isn’t nitty-gritty is fine as long as you’re 18+ and not being weird towards me (or in general) about it.

don’t drag me into fights/start them under my posts!!!!!!! id like to be informed of the base of what’s going on, but not included.

sometimes i can be wrong about things. if i am wrong about things, tell me so i can improve!! i never mean to make anyone upset because of something i said. on this note, also send an ask or dm if i reblog or mistakenly support a not-good person, it would be much appreciated!

aint a boundary but itd be appreciated if you didn’t use starself, only star/stars. not for any important reason it’s just a grammar pet peeve of mine

[⭐️] faves:

things that are bolded are my current hyperfocus

aus: xtale, handplates, dusttale, reapertale, aftertale

au sanses: cross, reaper, lust, dream, dust, error, sci and fresh (not in any order)

canon ut characters: chara, frisk, asriel/flowey, toriel, alphys

other au characters: xtale alphys, xchara, xtale toriel, uf!toriel, uf!flowey, reapertale chara, handplates gaster, starlo (ut:y), outertale grillby, core frisk

ships: crepic, kross, lustblue, hypersomnia, mtt + crepic poly, epickross, bad sans poly, mtt + cross poly, mtt poly, drinkberry, errorink, afterdeath, etc. but im not a picky shipper :3

tropes: devotion, friends -> lovers, hurt/comfort, opposites attract, soulmates, whump

color, animal, movie, book: pink/red, cats/wolves/foxes, the little prince (1974)/the lion king, fading echoes/the forgotten warrior (wc)

coffee order: 60-130k word slow burn friends to lovers whumpee/caretaker recovery fic rated M

[🕯] other assorted info:

no twitter, discord, or insta :(

i have another name btw it’s winnie :3 throw it in every now and then if you want to confuse people. not too often though i like wick better

no i don’t have kids, i have cats. two of them. but they cost as much and take as much time as human children would, probably.

every time i talk about ink in a relationship it is always queerplatonic on his part, even if i don’t clarify!! i personally don’t ship him romantically.

i have diagnosed autism, adhd, anxiety, and some others but that’s my personal biz. if i come off as awkward, ‘trying too hard’, unable to realize when a joke’s ended, or just weird/unlikable, that’s why. i’m seriously bad with that stuff but i’m trying my best!!

i’m an ace lesbian (i love women) and fxminine (a gender that basically means agender/lack of gender with a strong connection to femininity).

i am squirrelstar, nightcloud, and mapleshade’s biggest fans ever!!!!!!!!!!!

[🐇] links to thingz:

Undertrap Sans/Milkbone Sans

Sona Reference Sheet

Strawpage (carrd but cooler + u can submit drawings?!??!?!?!)

Ao3 / TikTok

18+ Sideblog

(pride divider by aquazero, cross stamps by lazyartost, error sans & warrior cats dividers by sister-lucifer)

[lil-cute-shinigami-comic]

I dunno who's worse ...

The parents who let the youngsters watch hazbin(or youngsters without any supervision)or the current VA of Hazbin Hotel encourage youngsters to watch due to LGBT+ rep(which viv lack of; just her stupid-ass yaoi sh*t fanfic 2000s- 2010s era)

Gawd, it's ughh irks me... even when kiddos talk bout s3x on the mic ...UMM WTF... no wonder everybody is so hella uncomfortable. The audiences are f*ckin adults...

I am wonderin bout where's the actual heck is,

the panel age restriction wtf...

Yep, the kiddos are around 9yrs old(basically 3rd-4th grade; elementary schoolers), YIKES... WTF

I dont like how peeps think it's a positive parentin, i aint joke bout it. If ya look at Amir Talai's post and buncha quotes are positive... um that's nice and all.

But

Again, it aint a kiddie-friendly show. Plus,obviously, lack of LGBT+ rep(Vivziepoop's f*ckin show is buncha yaoi fanfic 2000s-2010s era) how the fudge a child learn or enjoy without gettin expose adult content -_-

Here are shows that i grew up as a preteen to before hitting adulthood, yet i still enjoy watchin it as an adult. (LGBT+ or just to enjoy watching with youngsters,younger siblings, and younger cousins)

- Green lantern the animated series(2012)

-Chowder

-Steven universe

-Krypto the super dog

-wonder over yonder

-Jessie(ik ik it's live-action show)

-Gargoyle

-winx club

-TMNT(2003)

-Sonic X(anime)

-original PowerPuff Girls

-Ben 10(original,not the reboot)

-DBZ(ik it's anime, hey. I grew up on that soo... and R.I.P Akira Toriyama)

-BRATZ

-some random BARBIE movies(before the live-action one)

-growing-up Creepie

-Arthur

-Amphibia

-The Owl House

I guess that's pretty much it... ik there's more..but I'll leave it there...

please parents(i dunno if there's any new or old parents will see this) i encourage you to look up those shows(shows are family-friendly/shows for everyone,or what shows that you grew up watchin it. Not just mine)or dont be a parent at all,seriously.

[forgotteneilionora]

OOC | Astairan Wedding Traditions

ok so this is inspired by [ this ] post and these tags:

#ooo.... is handfasting a tradition in astairan weddings?#bc i could see#valentina malconaire objecting to this!#and then astairans not considering the eithne/cassimir union#as valid since it didn't happen#also its just a pretty tradition i love!

i loooove this!!!! both for the tradition and for the ~general vibes for astaira andddd for the plot point it could play!!!!! and i thought we might take this opportunity to talk about weddings in general -- i was literally reading up on traditional irish wedding vows just last night bc we were talking about domhnall's wedding etc!

i can also 100% see @forgottenvalentina specifically objecting to a tradition the astairans hold dear on ~roderick grounds or vice versa specificially w the hope itd invalidate the wedding too smdh so this verrrrrry much fits!

also the wedding vows:

[ “Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, `til our Life shall be Done. You cannot possess me for I belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand." ] “I vow you the first cut of my meat, the first sip of my wine, from this day it shall only your name I cry out in the night and into your eyes that I smile each morning; I shall be a shield for your back as you are for mine, never shall a grievous word be spoken about us, for our marriage is sacred between us and no stranger shall hear my grievance. Above and beyond this, I will cherish and honor you through this life and into the next." “I, (name), in the name of the spirit of God that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take thee (name) to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one. To desire thee and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself. By the power that Christ brought from heaven, mayst thou love me. As the sun follows its course, mayst thou follow me. As light to the eye, as bread to the hungry, as joy to the heart, May thy presence be with me, Oh one that I love, `til death comes to part us asunder. “We swear by peace and love to stand, Heart to heart and hand to hand. Mark, O Spirit, and hear us now, Confirming this our Sacred Vow.” “You are the star of each night, You are the brightness of every morning, You are the story of each guest, You are the report of every land. No evil shall befall you, on hill nor bank, In field or valley, on mountain or in glen. Neither above, nor below, neither in sea, Nor on shore, in skies above, Nor in the depths. You are the kernel of my heart, You are the face of my sun, You are the harp of my music, You are the crown of my company.” “Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend.” “May the gentle breeze bear witness to this ritual, and carry its message to all lands. May the sun warm their hearts, and its ever burning fire fuel their desire for each other. May the water provide for them from its bounty, and comfort their souls with their sounds. May the land lend its strength and reveal its mysteries."

and like literally swearing by the breeze and the sun and water and land like????? if that aint so astairan!!!!!! there's def tons of other stuff but yeah

also apparently irish brides traditionally wore blue, back in the day, that were long and flowy w intricate embroidery, celtic knots, and a big sash or belt! often including a hooded cloak in weather!

she also traditionally has a handkerchief embroidered w like a motto or the couple's initials or an emblem or smth of significance to them, and then that's used as the bonnet for the firstborn child at their christening, and handed down to them to potentially use at their own wedding etc generation after generation

also the handfasting probs means that 'tying the knot' is an expression in astaira (that would baffle the varmonts too btw!) which is fun <3

[ Ever heard the phrase “your goose is cooked”? ] Traditionally, the night before the wedding, a goose would be cooked in the bride’s house for the groom’s wedding meal. When the meal was fully prepared, it would be seen as bad luck for life to back out of the wedding. So, the phrase, “your goose is cooked” pretty much means there’s no backing out now!

there's this thing w the child of progue that might be done w statues of the guardians?

[ This is a funny Irish wedding tradition. The child of Prague is a statue popularly known to ward off bad weather, which can rue the day. The figure is placed in different ways but performs the same function. ] Some parents leave their children in their hallway the night before a wedding. Others abandon their children outside, while some put the child out under a bush. In addition, people tend to behead the statue before placing it at the selected spot. The rationale is that the figures are not of the best quality. Their head usually fell off by themselves when left out overnight; hence, it was better off already beheaded. Some people even reattach it afterward.

guests have bells to ring ward off evil spirits and discord! they set to ringing them as the couple walks down the aisle and bells are sometimes included in the bride's bouquet

Weddings were civil, not religious, affairs. While some involved a vow of lifelong fidelity, that wasn’t universal. The ancient Celts recognized several types of marriage. And they also had very liberal divorce laws. They knew not all marriages would last, and they planned for it. In ancient Celtic traditions, one could opt for a one-year trial marriage. If all went well, they could take more permanent vows. If it didn’t work out, they each went their way, free to try again. Men and women enjoyed equal rights in the 1100s. Irish brides owned their property; if the marriage ended, they took it with them. They would also take a portion of any wealth the couple acquired together.

so yeah obv there's lots more these were just some things that jumped out at me after a cursory review that felt astairan for one reason or another <3