#On my way home 😵💫
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Finally free tho 😭
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anyway scars by the crane wives is so insane it's like. there's something really wrong with me and it's ruining you, it's ruining both of us, and i know what it is but i don't know where it came from and i don't know how to fix it. there's nothing that made me this way, i just am. i think i've always been like this and i just didn't see it at first. i don't think there was ever any chance that i could've been anything better than this. this was always what i was going to become. this was always who i was going to be. and then they just PLAYED that at their concert with no warning and said hope u guys like our new song! ❤️
#someone has GOT to assassinate emilee petersmark she's destroying my LIFE! first tongues & teeth and now this????#all the love all the kindness all your best-laid plans couldn't stop me from becoming the way that i am .... 😵💫😵💫😵💫#anyway thinking a lot about this in my own life lately and how i feel like i'm always trying to blame other people for something that's#really only fucked up within me and truly only my own fault. it isn't my mom's fault or my friends' or whatever it's just me. in the end#this song came at the WRONG time for me actually. and then when they played say it as well!?!?! no way. 2 new songs i did NOT need to hear#OHHHH and the fact that she said it was a companion song to never love an anchor ... genuinely feel a little ill. whatever.#anyway for anyone who wants to hear these and hasn't there are recordings on youtube from the concerts!#the crane wives#wait unironically this song is so sam winchester when i think about it. u can never go home. i should rb this to my spnblog later
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Oh my goodness I’ve seen like 2 childe posts in the last 48 hrs drawing parallels between him & SA survivor experiences. Is it finally happening. Are the tides finally turning . Are people finally seeing the vision of interpreting his abyss trauma as a sexual trauma allegory . I
#SA mention#lmk if other tags r needed I always get nervous talkin abt stuff like this but do feel strongly abt it 😵💫#can me and my (1) friend unlsih poplar street childe now#just like an allegory I do think can work bc I think a lot about his desensitization n obsession w the#thrill of violence after his experiences in the abyss#the way this is specifically described I. his char stories#as like he comes home as a kid n is suddenly just kind of dramatically warped in personality n bloodthirsty almost#his desire to protect the innocence of children at all costs and not wanting his siblings to turn out like him#etc#it’s been tormenting me for actual years#fern.txt
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medication secured so we're sparkling on
#river dipping#basically was told i can take this forever if i need to which is such a relief!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m so excited to not be in pain anymore we’re jumping and clapping#also x-rays are so fast now i swear i remember them taking ages when i was younger#i’m a little bit 😵💫 bc i went for one thing that my doctor was kinda like oh that's nothing here are some meds abt#and instead she was way more focused on this other problem i’ve been having for well over a year#which is what the x-rays were for#and then i have to call rheumatology too 🚶#i’m abt to head home so 🤸#into the mattodore screenshot folder i go#when i get my medication in a few hours i’ll go thru my activity feed and reply to some things and get to my dms#and then it's theo bday edit time 😋
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A big thank you to my mutuals who like my nervous breakdown 2-4am posts. You're the backbone of my blog
#its like im not completely alone#idk#what losing a cat does to a woman i guess but#lets be real i was like this before#im just a sad person who laments more than takes action and#i think ill be sad forever probably#in that way some people are#i feel like im one reality over from where im supposed to be yakno?#i used to have this image id hold onto of leaves in the sunlight when i was a kid and i kept waiting for someone to talk to me who#would take me wherever that was#maybe thats the nature of never fitting in u get too in your head and then#reality doesnt feel like home#yeah ive heard people say shit like that sbout books#sorry im not wearing my glasses#lately days blend together and i feel like i cant hold into time#and people talking to me (when they do) sounds miles away#takes ages to get to me if it does at all#oops! sounds like im dissociating hahahahaah oh fuck#when u write it all out. stares at ya right in the face#if im not doing something it feels like my anxiety will latch onto anything#like. rn i feel like im gonna throw up bc of like 5 different things about my car#car insurance. registration. trying to find a job#then it spirals into what ifs. and how thatd suck#constantly this shit. constantly! the only reprieve is going to hang w my grandmother who is 90 and talking about death a lot#😵💫#but shes my best friend so ???! fuck!#man idk. im so sad. idek what to do abt this. work out#maybe get a new actor to have a crush on#what makes people happy? idk
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VALAENYA (asoiaf) / ILLYRIA (hotd)
ELAENAERA (hotd) / KAROLINA (btaj/john wick/c*od)
YELENA (fo3) / FAYE (resident evil)
TAGGED BY the dears @marivenah, @dihardys, @shellibisshe and @florbelles to make the girls with this beloved meiker! ty so much! <3
TAGGING: @feystepped, @griffin-wood, @risingsh0t, @denerims, @queennymeria, @chuckhansen, @jackiesarch, @aartyom, @kingsroad, @arklay, @stormveils, @roofgeese, @leviiackrman, @malefiicarum, @loriane-elmuerto, @unholymilf, @belorage, @aceghosts and you!
#only if you want to! 🥀🍄#oc: valaenya targaryen#oc: illyria ilmestys#oc: elaenaera targaryen#oc: karolina pajari#oc: yelena voronin#v: way back home#oc: faye marlowe#leg.ocs#leg.tagged#t: picrews#always the loveliest to make the loves in the ICONIC picrew 🥀❣️#no wasteland!au yelena my BABY ✨😖#so……… karolina enters as a challenger to the ring and got a c*d verse sksjjxxj ✨😵💫#ty ty to macy for the ghost posting ✨😵💫 …….. bc now im considering karol and him..! i think they would be neat!#(chiara also might get one too jajxjxh but im still thinking of whom <3)#and modern au looks for the asoiaf girlies ✨😌#the dreamy look for ella is so fitting here..! a cute tribute to her dragon in her canon u know? moon god dragon and things!#likely would be a socialite or model or something where she would get to be paid for being pretty jssjxhxh love that for u darling! <3#the ever charismatic enya further portraying that she’s beauty and grace and can punch someone in the face ✨😌🐉🥀 icon!#ILLY BABY be it a*soiaf or a modern au shes so cool! the white hair and the heterochromia are missing but ah! baby baby!#since she has strands of white that are likely from magic u know? ✨🥺 and placed on the same side as the heterochromia 🌿😌#off duty faye! date night with l*eon or spending quality family time with annoying siblings *cough* emery either/or she’s thriving!#local harvard med student thinks infuriating nepotism scientist is begrudgingly adorable more @ 11 ✨😒🥀❣️
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that pause after “i did” dragged on so much i for real felt my entire life flash before my eyes thinking they were gonna make eo fucking off screen canon.
#it was fr like “i did” 😦🤯 “feel like” 😅 😮💨 🥲 “stabler was my” 🫣😯🤨🧐 “home” 🌋😱😵💫 😭x200000 but all in ten seconds#also as much as i think eo infidelity arc in 1.0 is sexy in fic i would hate it for canon#imo it’s out of character for both of them and in my head part of the reason elliot leaves is to resist the temptation#(we’re talking physical affair here lmao they absolutely crossed every other line)#also semi related but. Okay i love olivia as a guilty party#liv who is head > heart except her love for this man transcends all logic and reason and she can’t pull herself away.#liv who doesn’t WANT to. who likes the little makeshift home they’ve made for themselves.#who takes what she can get (which is almost everything. that’s the whole point.) & who pushes the boundaries sometimes when she wants more#i think i need to rewatch s12 immediately like god.#the mutual unspoken recognition of love and attraction and the way they flirt around it….#terminal svu brainrot
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SHOULD I BE CONCERNED??????
#um#pls today was my first DAY#AND I JUST GOT HOME#LET ME BREATH#SIGHHHH#M SUCH A MAGNET ISTG#LFMSMDOQO#NO BUT SRSLY#WHAT IS GOING ON?1?1?1?1?1#the way my jaw dropped#m like 🤨🥰😟#how do i take this#ik it has to be that supaaaaa cute guy with the long hair mf was staring at me like he was in love 😋😋#IT HAS TO BE#He's SO CUTE BIT HES SHORT LMFAO#LIKE RIGHT UP TO MY CHIN#his hair is so silky too omfmgmfmg i was being weird and watched him flip it and put it into a messy bun 😵💫😵💫#UEAH MF I WAS#💌.bella pls shut up
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mmmmm might be swag in my nachoesque shirt but at what price.... (heatstroke)
#was already soaking wet today only having some shorts and a tshirt cos da binder is killing me#also didn't help that ive spent 2hours in a train with AC so getting punched in the face by Marseille's weather + don't have any fans in the#room it's absolutely normal that im dying i think.#anyway tomorrow i have to dress somewhat formal i mean not in shorts anyway and. pants + that thick shirt how will i survive??????#didn't bring anything other clothes to change into beside the set for tomorrow 😵💫#can't even switch out with clothes from today tomorrow before starting the way back home cos yucky yucky i've sweat so much in that shirt#it's bad enough i have to wear my binder without being able to wash it from whole day sweating in it aauuuuughhhhh#shakes any doctors i see GIVE ME TOP SURGERY IDC IF YOU'RE A DENTIST OR HEART SURGEON I NEED IIIIIIT IM DYIING AUUUUGHL#tomtom_is_rambling
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What are the names JK would call OC in bed and would he be the jealous type?
😉😌😏😏
And anyways if they were together would Oc move to his apartment or would they stay in their own idkkk 🤷🏻♀️
jaykay would be obsessed w calling her my pretty baby !!!!! & yes he's one to get super jealous 🧍🏻♂️if they were together he'd want oc around 24/7 so he'd prolly ask her if she wants to move in w him <3
#just imagining him#saying my pretty baby w fake sympathy & condescendingly ?? 😵💫😵💫#darly asks#anon#fic: long way home
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CAUTION picture might make you slip down your panties and bend over like a whore 😵💫😵💫😵💫 zari the way i immediately started leaking is actually criminal
this made me go into heat
#AJJSJAJAJAJAJA PLEASEEE EHDHSKAJSKSK#THE WAY ID LET HIM BEND ME ANY WAY HE WIDHES#RIN .. RIN HEAR ME OUT..#he the type of man to come home from work n see me on all fours waiting for him already AJSHAJSHSHAJ#INSANEEEE HE MAKES ME GO INSANE THE WAY I AM WET RN HDHSJS#NGHHHHHH#😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#need him so bad it’s not funny anymore!!!!!!!!#rin my love#✧.* lovelies (ﾉ´ з `) / (river)
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hmmmmmm
#[redacted]#i will never have a normal and open relationship ever in my life#because everytime i try to be vulnerable with my mother and tell what is upsetting me#she turns it around and says i deserve to feel that way and maybe if i respected her more she’d actually stick up for me#and literally told me she has absolutely no respect for me and to get out of her face cause me being upset put HER in a bad mood#and it’s like i don’t know what to do i can’t have this crazy flip flop and it’s not even like she wants to hear the good things either#she shows visible annoyance when i try to tell her about my day#or brushes off my accomplishments as if it was pure luck and nothing else#or states how everything lines up with not doing enough somewhere else but won’t tell me how to fix it i’m just#i’m so lonely when i’m at home and there’s nothing i can do to fix it#i have nightmares of her leaving me to burn in a fire#her crashing the car on purpose with me in it of my future spouse meeting her#and her spending the whole time criticizing me to the point this person leaves me#i feel so utterly and completely alone and unlovable which is crazy! because i know my friends love me#i know i’m capable of love but i am so deathly afraid she’s right#and i’m too hard to love#and i hate it i just want a normal relationship with my mother and i would take all the standard#‘complicated mother daughter relationship’ if my mother even tried to act like she loved me#but she doesn’t and i know that and it’s pathetic that i want her to#anyway having a great night as you can tell 😵💫#eris: text
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@nyaaaaanma KISA JFKENJFJDNDHFEJJFJD GO TO BED, I CANT THINK ABOUT THAT 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#the way im gonna write when i get home from my appointment today 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#you're a menace but a lovely menace and i love you djdnnfndnd#🎤: rae is in the vocal booth
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We kept on experiencing delays on the train and this old dude was furious and kept on pressing the emergency button/ intercom on the train to curse the train operators out 😅. When we finally got to the final stop, he pressed it again and was like “Fuck YOU-“ gjggh. Man…
#he said that he was only saying what everyone else wanted to say… the train operator sounded like a young guy and was like “’bro don’t you#have superiors who you listen to? chill-‘#the old dude was on his way to work I think#rambling#yesterday#a fat ass roach was crawling on this girl on the train and I warned her about it but I guess I was doing too much and the teenagers in front#of me were laughing at my wild reaction saying that I was tweaking over a roach and I was just thinking ‘I’m sorry no shade but I don’t have#roaches nor to I live with them/ tolerate them and I refuse to bring any home with me sorry no offense-‘#y’all must have roaches#no offense to those that do sometimes you can’t control it especially if you have dirty neighbors/ live in a building so yeah#and why would I just watch a bug crawl on someone without telling them 😵💫…#a bug was about to crawl on another girl on the train again the day before and I warned her as well#they need to clean the trains man that roach was huge
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im just feeling so lost recently… i have no idea what im doing with my life
#personal#ive lost everything ive ever worked for and now im just stuck :/#like the one thing i wanted to do i tried and it didn’t work out and i don’t what to do it anymore#now im just stuck in my childhood home until i figure out who i am now#doesnt help that my gender is 😵💫 and i feel like im trapped presenting as a girl#im just so tired#and the world being the way it is just makes it worse
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🥴
#marine myths rambles#in the tags#if any of my tags dont read right or come across weird in the next few hrs or smthn... i got Very Drunk last night#n got home Still Very Drunk at like 4am. n so now at 9:30am i am still Kinda Drunk (prob bc i havent been drinking much water 😵💫)#oh wait#alcohol#sorry i shouldve tagged tht sooner#anyways i mean mostly for typos n incoherent thoughts n stuff but like. if i tag a thought n am not expressing it in a like. Cool Way??#pls either dm me n lmk or smthn idk#n this isnt like some kinda optics thing i just dont want anyone to feel uncomfy bc im not articulating my thoughts correctly#if tht makes sense
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