bones sexuality headcanons
yeah i dont have proof (except angela) i just Know. call it my lesbian spidey senses. disclaimer that those are MY headcanons, you can have your own opinions on those ofc
main characters:
brennan: bi (preference for ugly men... but i digress). she probably started exploring her sexual orientiation in college and came to the conclusion that she's attracted to every gender to varying degrees. she's probably tongue kissed angela a few times pre season 1
booth: cishet ally! ⭐️ he's a bit confused but he's got the spirit, i'll give him that.. bi wife energy start playing whenever he walks into the room
zack: gayboi with a bad case of hero worship for dr brennan. naomi from paleonthology made him realise this isnt really what he'd like to excavate, if you get the gist... ;) (ew)
angela: imo? bi, but it's up to anyone. canon queer and i'm very happy about it
hodgins: bi. putting my foot down on this one- to me, hodgela is bi4bi. one day early into the series angela goes "why is everyone so hot... being bi is so hard" and hodgins is like "yeah, tell me about it" and they have a Oh, You Too? moment
cam: distinguished (ex-disaster) pan. she's all cool and collected now but in middle school she was probably stuttering whenever she saw a pretty girl
sweets: pan. boykisser. i just KNOW. that man is not heterosexual. probably had a few boyfriends in high school too
aubrey: bi? preference for women but in an alternate universe he and sweets are a thing
goodman: token straightie along with booth except i actually like him even tho even tho he took a 2 month sabbatical and never came back
squinterns:
clark: bi. a bit repressed and only realised it after breaking up with nora but as long as he gets there it's fine
daisy: pan. absolute girlkisser. she has the wlw equivalent of whatever zack felt for dr brennan. swaisy is a disaster pan couple.
fisher: pan- and i wont have it any other way. he was 100% checking sweets out when he came over to b&b's in s8, so i like to think when hodgins asks sweets "what is it with you and interns?" in 9x23 he's including fisher
wendell: bi and in a lab au he's dating vincent thank you
vincent: english twink and i think he and wendell should kiss in the lab lost & found
arastoo: straightie but we still love him. pan wife energy since he and cam are married
finn: god, i have No Idea but i have a feeling he doesn't either
wells: aro, and maybe ace too, but fyi even if he wasn't no one would want him
jessica: ... i used to say lesbian but i kinda let the jaubrey of it all get to me... pan vibes perhaps? i'll have to think it over. in another universe she and daisy are a thing too btw
other characters:
caroline julian:... lesbian. no i will not give an explanation for this one. sham marriage and all.
karen delfs: big pansexual energy coming from this random profiler?? i like her
villains: (do not take those seriously, but also...)
pelant: unlabeled. getting strangled by hodgins awoke something in him but he didnt have the time to figure it out between 8x01 and 9x04
taffet: very VERY mean lesbian
epps: heterosexual incel
broadsky: internalised homophobia over booth, clearly
kovac: the man pretended to be married to his sister. i'm not sure i even wanna know
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𝒷𝑒𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒸𝑒𝓃𝑒𝓈 | 𝘫𝘢𝘤𝘰𝘣 𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪
you and jacob have been best friends for a few years. when you both get cast together in a romance movie, jacob can't help but get turned on by all the intimate scenes he acts with you. you on the other hand, have developed a crush on him over the past few months, and you drunkenly blurt it all out one night at jacob's house while hanging out.
ᰔᩚ 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓎: 𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓼
ᰔᩚ oral (male receiving), alcohol use, dirty talk, use of y/n, use of pet names, established friendship, softdom!jacob
ᰔᩚ w.c. 1,911
ᰔᩚ not proofread!
you and jacob had started filming for lovesick about a few weeks ago.
the movie was about a lawyer—your role—who defends a man in court for drug dealing—jacob's role. the married lawyer has an affair with the client, and they can't keep themselves away from each other, growing obsessed and hungry for each other more everyday—hence the name lovesick.
this movie had a bunch of sex scenes in it, which is something you have performed before in different movies, but you'd never filmed anything of the effect with jacob. you guys have never even kissed. hell, jacob was your best friend.
although you two weren't too near the part where they start becoming lustful for each other yet, you knew it had to be performed sooner or later, and it made you nervous, of course, but you also felt excited for some reason. you couldn't quite figure out why. you had never been excited to make sex scenes with any other actor, but this time was different.
right now, you were in his car on the way to his house. you both had just finished work.
jacob groans, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. "i don't want pizzaaaa," he dragged.
"jacob i've been craving pizza this entire week and i haven't been able to have it because of stupid gianna," you complain about your sister, throwing your head back on the headrest.
jacob hesitates before he speaks as he turns to the girl in his passenger seat. "fine."
"WOO HOO!" you yell, putting your hands in the air as jacob approaches a red light, stopping the car.
you grab his face and leave tiny kisses all over it in celebration. jacob's face grows hot and pink. "you're the best!" you exclaim before leaving one last kiss on his nose and sitting back in your seat.
jacob throws his keys on the kitchen counter, leaning over it before opening his phone. "where do you want to order from?" he asks you. you are sat on the countertop beside his large body. without hesitation, you say, "pizzanista, is that even a question?"
jacob smiles warmly. "that's my favorite place."
you chuckle. "i know," you say in a sing-song voice.
after jacob places an order for a large pie and garlic knots, he takes you in the wine cellar in his huge house.
"let's see if i can still remember your favorite wine..." jacob says, narrowing his eyes at the tall walls full of different wines.
you smile and cross your arms, "okay," you say, a hint of challenge in your voice.
jacob takes a minute before reaching for a bottle of wine called chateau ducru-beaucaillou saint-julien.
he turns to face you, holding the bottle like a baby with a smile on his face. "am i right?"
you giggle, not really in shock as you know he always remembers little things. "yes, it is."
jacob's smile grows bigger. "i knew it. let's go," he says, softly taking your hand—which sent your heart to your toes—and leading you back to the kitchen.
jacob pours the expensive wine into two gorgeous wine glasses. he then walks to the connected living room, handing you the glass and sitting on the comfy couch next to you.
you take a small sip of the wine, closing your eyes when it touches your lips. "mmh, i haven't had this in forever."
"good, right?" asked jacob after he takes a sip of the wine.
you nod. "good is an understatement."
you and jacob are now eating the pizza with your wine. the box is open on the coffee table with the container of garlic knots next to it, that jacob devoured. he was a sucker for garlic knots. the two of you ate your food watching titanic on the flatscreen tv.
"i'm tired," you sigh, laying your head into jacob's lap. you were feeling a bit wine drunk after the 2 glasses you had.
jacob smiles at your face, putting a hand in your hair and gently strokes it.
you close your eyes and smile lazily. "i love when people do that."
"yeah?" jacob asks, his eyes focusing back on the movie.
"mhm. it feels so nice. my ex--well you know, jack--used to do it to me, but you do it better."
jacob feels himself get excited for some reason and he smiles slightly at your words.
"i hate him...he was so horrible to me, jacob..."
jacob's smile on his face disappears and turns into an expression of sadness, feeling for you. "i know," he says in a comforting tone.
"he was so mean..." your eyes well up with tears and you sit up to face jacob. you put a hand on his shoulder and a tear runs down your bare face. "so mean."
jacob turns his head to the girl. "y/n, don't cry," he says softly, gently wiping the tear off your cheek.
"but do you know what?" you say suddenly, your tone a bit happier as you look into his eyes tipsily. jacob tilts his head at you curiously.
"in every boy i have talked to...i search for you in them," you blurt.
jacob freezes and furrows his eyebrows. "y/n, what?" he says awkwardly, completely confused.
you laugh again. "i looked for you in jack. you guys are both funny. bubbly. happy. gorgeous. he still wasn't you, but he was close," you shrug at the end of your sentence.
"y/n, you're drunk. you don't know what—"
"i know what i'm saying jacob. i may be drunk, but i still am in control of what i say. i never knew why i looked for you in everyone else, but i did. you're just so...perfect."
jacob knew you were drunk, and that he probably should get you home, but he wanted to hear more. every word you spoke shocked him, but it made him feel some type of way.
"the problem was—and still is—, i can't really date you because you're my best friend. i can't ruin what we already have. so i think that's why i looked for you in every other boy. and jacob, i never realized this until the other day. i don't know why, but i realized everything. my mind was telling me i have a crush on you, but i don't want to have a crush on you because you're my best friend and i love you to death and i don't want to ruin our perfect friendship," you pour out. your cheeks heat up immediately in embarrassment when jacob doesn't immediately respond, and you regret every word you just said.
a smile tugs at jacob's lips. he's in utter awe and shock. "y/n..."
"i'm sorry...i don't know why i said any of that," you sigh, turning your head to avoid eye contact and instead look to the tv screen. "forget all of it...i'm so sorry, oh my g—"
you are cut off by jacob's big hands holding your face. a huge smile grows on his lips and he connects them with yours. you kiss him back immediately, draping your arms around his neck.
you push him down until you are on top of him, straddling him on the couch as you both still kissed. his hands wander down to your lower back, but he thinks he should be respectful since you'd been drinking. your tongues dance together in sync, both hungry for each other.
you run a hand through his hair gently, the other sliding lustfully underneath his shirt to feel his abs, which turns jacob on immensely.
you break the kiss with a smile to stare at his beautiful face. you feel him grow harder beneath you making you smirk.
you move yourself back to palm his pants, keeping eye contact between you both. jacob gasps at your sudden actions and at the pleasure.
he sits up. "y/n, i don't know if you should—"
"i know you want me to," you say seductively.
jacob laughed at her words. "yes, but you're drunk and i really don't think you know—"
you roll your eyes. "just shut up and let me," you say before slowly pulling off his pants.
jacob shrugs and decides to just leave you be. besides, he'd been waiting for this since he'd became friends with you.
once his pants are off, you use your thumb to trace his print through his boxers, to which jacob groans at. you hover back over him, kissing him intensely as you continue to be a tease and he huffs in between kisses.
"fuckin' stop teasing me," he moans into your lips. you smirk, humming sensually against his lips, only continuing to tease him.
when you'd thought he'd had enough, you slowly pull his boxers down to his feet, revealing his huge cock. you widen your eyes at his length and he smirks at you, leaning back in his position, "go on," he speaks cockily. "think you can do it?" he asks, putting an emphasis on the 't' in 'it' by clicking his tongue.
you scoff with a confident smile before spitting into your hand, "watch."
you begin to pump your hand on his dick up and down slowly, from the shaft to the tip. jacob's breath hitches as he watches your face when you lower it closer to his length.
you stick your tongue out to lick a long stripe from his base to the tip, before taking just the tip in your mouth to tease him. jacob lets out a small moan in response to this, "yeah, take it baby, mmm."
you swirl your tongue around his tip, then taking his whole cock into your mouth, using one hand to jerk him off. you start bobbing your head faster and jacob's breathing gets more intense.
you look up at him, batting your eyelashes with his dick in your mouth like a slut. he scoffs with a smirk. "fuck, baby...look so hot like this, with my dick in your mouth..."
jacob moves a hand to pull your hair into a makeshift ponytail as he pushes it up and down, hard and slightly rough.
his eyes roll back harshly as he lets his head hang off the armrest of the couch with his mouth open. "oh my god...fuck...don't fuckin' stop..."
this is, without a doubt, the best head jacob had ever received.
"jesus," he grunts through his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as you suck him faster than ever. he groans deeply, "gonna fucking cum in that pretty mouth."
you hum against him in approval before you feel the warm fluid shoot into your mouth. you quickly swallow some of it before sticking your tongue out, jerking him off as the rest of his load sprawls out onto your tongue.
you watch as jacob breathes heavily and throws his head back with a sigh as he covers his forehead with a hand, riding out his orgasm. "holy shit."
you swallow the rest of his cum and wipe your mouth before giggling at him and standing up.
"that was fucking insane..." jacob says still out of breath as he pulls his boxers back on.
you smirk. "well, what can i say?"
jacob chuckles and stands up once he was dressed. you turn around and turn the tv off.
"let's get you home," he says from behind you before playfully smacking your ass, earning a laugh from you as you both walk towards the garage door.
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: someone anonymously requested for me to write jacob so here you goooo :)) lowkey i could've written this better bc its very lazily written i feel like. but like i said i'm still learning i will get better!
thank you for reading!! <3
@chrissturnsfav ™
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Low-key nsfw bones shaving headcanons
Brennen rejects the idea of shaving as body hair grows for a reason and removing it is entirely unnecessary.
Booth: naturally has very little body hair which makes him a bit insecure, so he only shaved his face
Angela: I feel like she shaved everything when she was younger to be more sexually appealing, but quit after she got married.
Hodgins: manscapes and has a fancy razor for it and everything. He supported Angela when she stopped shaving and appreciates her natural beauty.
Cam: shaves to express her femininity and because it’s just what girls are supposed to do.
Sweets: doesn’t shave because he feels more masculine with the hair, especially when he is frequently underestimated due to his age.
Interns
Daisy: doesn’t shave for the same reasons as Brennen, but may remove some of her pubic hair depending on her partner’s preferences
Wendell: shaves his chest, stomac, and pubes because he prefers a “cleaner” look.
Clark: gets his chest and stomach waxed and probably manscapes, and shaved his legs once and has thoroughly repressed how much he liked it.
Fisher: In the beginning he barely had enough energy to shave his face once in a while, much less anything else, but when his depression started getting better he got big into beard care and began manscaping
Jessica: shaves her legs sometimes, but leaves the rest alone, Aubrey has a bit of an adjustment period to get used to this.
Finn: shaves nothing
Vincent: shaves everything thing because it makes him feel pretty, but stops in the summer so people won’t notice.
Rodolfo: manscapes, cares greatly about his appearance.
Oliver: I doubt he showers more then once a week, much less shaves.
I have no idea why I came up with these, I just thought about booths lack of hair and these just sort of happened.
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